mithrilwren

[mithrilwren]

speaking of unhinged stupid shit I've read recently

[mithrilwren]

So, storytime.

A friend and I decided to check out a local fringe theatre festival last night. We came in with appropriately calibrated expectations about the level of quality, but the last play of the night truly exceeded our expectations.

It was bad. Not just "this dialogue is a little clunky and the actors needed more time to practice" bad, but "I am actively fantasizing about jumping out a window and running away" bad. In other words, it was exactly what you'd expect out of a sex comedy written by a man in his 80s, acted out by his wife and friends, with himself in the starring role. Our playwright took on the character of 'Professor Sigmoid Frond', and the rest of the writing had the exact same level of subtlety (sprinkled with a liberal seasoning of misogyny and unconscious racism). Nobody laughed at the dirty jokes. The actors stumbled over their lines. Each scene transition was heralded by "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred. I was white-knuckling my way through every line of dialogue. We were both ready to jump ship by the 10 minute mark of a 50 minute performance.

And then came an unexpected saviour, swooping down from the rafters: the bat.

For context, this play was held in a church basement, where a poor unsuspecting bat had apparently been sleeping soundly until horrifically unfunny jokes about wet dreams and mistaking the word 'sects' for 'sex' had roused it. It responded in a very reasonable way: by divebombing the audience for a good three minutes. The actors tried to play it off and keep performing even through the gasps and ducking, like this was a totally normal thing to be happening in the middle of their play.

When I tell you I lost my shit - full tears coming out of my eyes, hand over mouth, could not get it together. Never again will I ever feel so close to experiencing a real life episode of What We Do In the Shadows. I half-expected a documentary crew to show up to get my Office reaction shot.

Eventually the bat was corralled out the door, the play went on, I wiped away my tears. With the tension broken, we could somewhat at least enjoy the absurdism of what had just happened. At long last, Sigmoid Frond stumbled out onto the stage for his dramatic death scene (because this was supposedly a murder mystery, even though the script didn't get around to the murder part until about 15 minutes before the end).

But because there was one creature in the theatre who understood the purpose of dramatic timing, who should appear again in the eleventh hour but our dear friend, the bat. The beautiful animal flew out of the same stage door as the actor and started divebombing once more, meaning that absolutely nobody was watching as Sigmoid Frond sputtered and expired. I'm sure he gave it his all, but the true star of the show could not be denied their final moment in the spotlight.

Unfortunately, the bat was chased out again and the play finished in a relatively lackluster fashion. (Special shoutout to the lady who won a copy of the script for guessing the murderer and could not muster even a hint of excitement as she accepted it.) I will never see another performance by this group, but I'm certain I won't forget this one.

[mithrilwren]

As someone in and around their 30’s it has been INSANE to see feminism in popular media descend through

Women can wear pants and play sports and that’s equality. Women don’t just belong inside the house. This woman has a career

This woman can be a mechanic just like a man could. She’s probably still a lesbian, though, which is basically the closest to a man a woman can *be*, and explains everything. But she’s still a person!

If a woman superhero CHOOSES to wear stilettos to fight crime, that’s girl power! This comic character written and designed by men wears a bikini and has a waist size of 12 inches because it makes her FEEL POWERFUL! Girls don’t HAVE to dress boyish to be strong! She can make you a sandwich AND be a feminist! Girl power!

What, are you saying women HAVE to do boy things to be taken seriously? Who are you to tell a woman what to do? Maybe some women NEED to get their hair and nails done twice a month to feel powerful! Maybe a lot of women WANT to be stay-at-home moms!

What I don’t think you understand is that women have an inherent feminine spirituality which guides them towards maternal and nurturing paths. Women need to honour their divine female aura to keep their. Their fuckin. Their chakras together or some shit. You should put quartz up your hooha and huff wheatgrass. Leaving manual labour and science and technology to men is natural and good for you spiritually

Uh she can’t do that, that’s a blue job, she’s a pink job girly. Food? Yeah, she’s having #girl dinner, which is a handful of almonds. Time for our 15 step skincare routine, which is empowering. Hashtag #girlboss. Ew no, touching dirt? She’s just a girl. You can’t expect a girl to do that. Haha #girl logic

[mithrilwren]

more big boy zoro

[mithrilwren]

three bugs

[mithrilwren]

introducing the SAJA BOYS! (prints available here)

This cover of Rogue Magazine is a companion piece to the one I did for HUNTR/X and is a fanart/crew member tribute that will be available as a print at my conventions this year, and is currently available for pre-order in my online store! Thanks again for the incredible love on the movie!!

[mithrilwren]

US defaultism is insane yesterday l said on a discord server “it’s winter but I’m not cold. whyyy...” and they responded “dude it’s summer. it’s july” and then proceeded to DOUBLE DOWN when I explained that they were thinking of the wrong hemisphere

[mithrilwren]

welcome to the Murdersex zine, a zine celebrating all things sex and murder. but um. we don't want to romanticize it or anything so don't make your submissions too murdersexy. we will do extensive background checks on all applicants and if we decide a past work of yours has too much sexy murder we'll have to remove you, sorry. we have limits, you know, we want a tasteful gory spread you could put on your coffee table, and having the Wrong people in it would kill the vibe (and we condemn all killing! wholeheartedly!)

[mithrilwren]

Zoro & Choppa

[mithrilwren]

I need a trend where we make fun of bad thrillers with self-insert protagonists written by men in the same way we make fun of romantasy books

[mithrilwren]

very funny that the symptoms of blood loss include making you more uncoordinated and cognitively impaired. look at me i'm so cute and helpless and fucking dying.

[mithrilwren]

i watched you flying high, you sat and said goodbye to me from the moon

[mithrilwren]

Hey. Don't worry. I'm all out of HP. See how I'm lowering my head and my face is shrouded in shadow? That's because I'm too exhausted and demoralized to keep fighting. The remix of my character theme has stopped playing and everything. You should come closer.

[mithrilwren]

sanji wit the bisexual lighting

[mithrilwren]

the beauty of the world is that there are people out there having basically indistiguishable gender and sexuality experiences and one has several microlabels and an army of pride flags, one says "idk i guess im nonbinary or something" and the other is comfortably cis with a little flexibility. and all of them are correct because your identity is whatever you make of it.

[mithrilwren]

upgrade your life by taking note of the objects you use most and slowly replace them with the most beautiful and high-quality versions of those things you can find.

[mithrilwren]

when my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold dark earth (2020)