#trust me! i have also had fears like that due to trauma! but those are things that therapy can help with

[dovedrangeas]

no body part is evil btw

[girlgenius1111]

behave

ingrid leaves for 2 weeks for national duty. sol and mapi try to stay out of trouble and fill the time. they are successful at one of those two objectives. some medical trauma discussed.

-------

“And I have an extra one of her inhalers, in the medicine cabinet in our bathroom. She hasn’t had an asthma attack in a while but-”

“-But just in case, Solstråle has one in her backpack, and you have one in the medicine cabinet. Ingrid, relax. It’s going to be fine. You’ve left the two of us before.” 

“I know, but this time it's for longer, and she’s still not really herself. So many things have happened and I’m so worried,” the Norwegian rambled. It had only been a few weeks since everything had happened, and you were doing better. You were adjusting. Ingrid still didn’t really want you out of her sight, but she was due at the airport to fly back to Norway for the international break. She’d already said goodbye to you back at the house, and now she was very anxiously trying to give Mapi some words of advice before she had to go. It wasn’t the first time she’d left you with Mapi to play for Norway, but it was the first time since your mental health had really declined, since Ingrid became aware of how hard of a time you were having. 

“Ingrid, amor, I know. I will take good care of her. Do you trust me?” Mapi said calmly, squeezing one of Ingrid’s hands. 

“Of course, María, I’m sorry, of course I trust you. It’s just… keep an eye on her? Please?” Ingrid’s worry bled through her tone, eyes pleading with Mapi to agree to her request. 

“I promise, Ingrid. We’ll be completely fine. And if we aren’t, I’ll call you.” 

“Okay.” Ingrid said quietly. 

“Alright. Fly safe, mi amor. I love you.” Mapi said, pulling Ingrid into a hug. Her girlfriend clung to her, and Mapi rubbed her back softly, trying to provide some comfort. 

“I love you too.” Ingrid whispered, pulling back to leave a sweet kiss on her girlfriend’s lips, before turning and walking into the airport. 

Mapi sighed, a bit relieved because she honestly wasn’t sure she wouldn’t be returning home with Ingrid after a failed airport drop off. The Norwegian had been increasingly anxious about you in recent weeks, and Mapi knew that leaving you, now, felt like she was failing you as a sister, and as a guardian. She also knew, however, that she had the situation handled. You were comfortable with Mapi, and she was confident in her abilities to keep an eye on you, and make sure you were doing okay. 

She understood Ingrid’s anxiety. The Norwegian had always been a person who needed to feel control. Leaving her very vulnerable sister behind while she went off to play football for two weeks would certainly not give Ingrid the sense of control she craved in every situation that scared her. 

Ingrid had gone, though. Entered the airport, gotten on the plane. And now it was time for Mapi to get back home to you, and begin the 2 weeks of fun she had planned. 

------

Mapi wanted to bond with you, in a way that didn’t involve heavy emotions and tears being spilled. She wanted to do something fun that you enjoyed. Even if it wasn’t something that she necessarily wouldn’t have chosen. When you enthusiastically suggested that you both go to your rock climbing gym, she’d agreed easily. How hard could it be? She was a professional athlete. She was fit and strong, and she knew she could do it. She’d checked with the trainers at Barça, and she’d been cleared for the activity. An important piece of information that she’d forgotten, however, was that she wasn’t the biggest fan of heights. 

Well, it wasn’t that she forgot. It was more that she just didn’t think it would be an issue. Her fear of heights had decreased significantly in recent years. She went on hikes often up tall hills and mountains, and was barely bothered. She didn’t stop to consider that being tied to a wall and climbing to the top with very little support would be harder. 

It was easy to get on the helmet, the harness, and all the gear. It was adorable to watch you expertly tie the knots to her carabiner, very nonchalantly, though Mapi could tell you wanted to impress her. It was fun to learn all the silly little commands she was supposed to shout. It was fun that you knew all the right pointers to tell her, easily getting her going up the wall. It was even fun climbing; it took a specific muscle strength that was slightly different than the one she possessed, and it was just difficult enough to present a challenge, without being overwhelmingly difficult. 

As she got higher up, though, she became more and more aware that the only thing between her and falling a very significant distance to the ground was a rope and a self belaying machine. She kept herself calm, though, until she got to the top of the wall. She allowed herself a small smile, glancing down at where you were cheering for her. 

That was her mistake. The ground was so far away. And once she started to panic she couldn’t really stop. 

You were yelling instructions up to her, ones she could barely hear.“Okay, like I told you. Flip the hand brake to the other side, and let the slack of the rope slide through your hand.” 

“NO!” Mapi shouted, surprising even herself with the volume of her voice. “I can’t.” 

“What do you mean you can’t? Is it stuck?” You replied. It didn’t even occur to you that Mapi might be scared. She was Mapi. She was fearless and confident and she was brave for you when you weren’t sure you could be. 

“No, Sol, I can’t. I can’t.” Mapi said again, and you were floored to hear her start to get choked up. She had a white knuckle grip on the rope in one hand, holding tight to one of the handholds with the other. She looked like her whole body was trembling, and you floundered for a minute, entirely lost on what to do and how to help. 

Though after thinking about it for another minute, the solution was clear. Ingrid could fix Mapi, just like Mapi could always fix Ingrid. 

“Okay, Maps, hold on I’m gonna help you.” You shouted, seeing her nod weakly. There was no getting her down like this. You had to have some confidence in the equipment, and yourself, in order to repel down the wall, and Mapi clearly possessed confidence in neither of those things at the moment. 

You grabbed your phone and called Ingrid. It went right to voicemail. You called again, waving off the worker who came up to ask if you needed help. 

“I’m calling Ingrid, Mapi, just hang on.” 

Ingrid didn’t answer for a second time. You dialed Caro’s number, one you had for emergencies, and she picked up on the first ring, no doubt concerned at the sight of your name on the caller ID. 

“Hello?” Caro said. 

“Caro, are you with Ingrid? Can you get her for me?” 

“Uh… yeah. She’s in the gym, I’ll grab her. Is everything okay?” 

“No, please hurry.” 

It was unsettling to see Mapi this distraught, and you were absolutely flooded with guilt that you’d made her do this. She was clearly terrified and it was all your fault.

You heard some muffled voices over the phone before Ingrid’s absolutely panicked one came over the line. 

“Solstråle? What is it?” She asked, beside herself with worry. 

“Um. Mapi and I went to the climbing gym. And she made it to the top of the wall but now she’s… stuck.” 

“Stuck? What do you mean stuck?” 

“She’s too afraid to come down, I don’t know what to do.” 

Ingrid fought off a smile. The mental image of Mapi stuck at the top of an indoor climbing wall, securely attached to a rope, a thick mat underneath her, in absolutely no danger at all, was comical, she couldn’t lie. 

“Switch it to a video call.” She instructed, for no other reason than to get photographic evidence of this. Alexia would be getting a late birthday gift this year, in the form of this moment, framed. 

You did as she asked, flipping the camera around to show Mapi up at the top of the wall. It was the shortest one in the place, and Ingrid had a very clear view of her girlfriend, holding onto the wall and the rope for dear life. 

“Oh, María.” Ingrid chuckled, finding the whole situation very amusing. She took a screenshot, before you spoke and the situation became significantly less funny. 

“Ingrid, I think she’s crying.” You murmured. That sobered up your sister pretty quickly. It was one thing for Mapi to be scared, and entirely another for her to be so terrified she was moved to tears. Ingrid very suddenly remembered Mapi’s fading fear of heights. Or, what was supposed to be a fading fear of heights. 

“Shit. Can you get up there? With me in your pocket or something?” 

You sounded almost cocky when you responded. “I could get up there with my eyes closed. It’s the easiest wall.” 

Ingrid rolled her eyes. “Okay, get me up to her.” 

You did as your sister asked, attaching your harness to the ropes and getting the self belay machine all set, before you slipped your sister into your pocket, and climbed up the wall, at a speed that could only be described as a sprint. It took longer than it could have, because you went slightly diagonal, trying to get as close to Mapi as you could. When you reached her, she seemed completely spaced out, every muscle in her body tensed, a few tears on her cheeks. 

You pulled your phone out of your pocket, turned the volume up, and held it up so Mapi could see her girlfriend. 

“María?” Ingrid said soothingly. 

Mapi snapped back into herself, her head whipping around to look at the phone, and at you. 

“Ingrid.” she said, relief clear in her voice. 

“Hey. Are you scared?” 

“No, I am staying up here for fun Ingrid.” Mapi snapped. Ingrid looked unimpressed, and Mapi mumbled an apology. 

“Can you listen to what Sol tells you to do? And do it with her?” 

“Isn’t there another way I can get down?” She asked in a quiet voice. 

“Yeah, I can cut the rope and you’d drop right down.” You deadpanned. Mapi looked horrified at you, and you choked back a laugh. 

“Solstråle, that is not nice!” Ingrid scolded. “María, my love, you are completely safe. You’re going to do what Sol says, and you’ll be back on the ground in a second, okay?” 

“Okay.” Mapi agreed, glaring at you. 

“See you in a sec Ingrid! If we make it down alive,” you added, tucking your sister back into your pocket before she could yell at you again. 

When you spoke again, though, it was soft and encouraging, and Mapi knew that you were taking her fear seriously. It is one of those little signs that you loved her, too. You weren’t as good at saying it, having not heard it said to you for a lot of your life, but you showed it. When you’d squeeze her hand during a Barça game, knowing how hard it was for her to sit out. When you’d find a silly cat tiktok and send it to her, even though she knew you didn’t find whatever it was very funny. And now, when you talked her through the whole thing, assuring her that she’d be safe the whole time. 

“It’s gonna be fine, Maps. Flip the handbrake off, and hold tight to the rope. You won’t go anywhere until you let yourself.” 

Mapi found herself following your instructions without much thought. You just very clearly sounded like you knew what you were doing. 

“Okay, good. Now loosen your hand on the rope, just a little. A bit will slide through and you’ll drop. The less you let go of, the slower you’ll descend.” Mapi let the rope go a bit, lowering maybe an inch. You nodded encouragingly, lowering down with her. “Keep your feet on the wall. You’re just going to walk yourself down. You can go as slow as you need to.” 

Very slowly, at the pace of a wounded snail, you and Mapi moved down the wall. You didn’t stop talking the whole time, forgetting, honestly, that Ingrid was in your pocket. 

She was sitting in the hallway, all the way in Norway, wondering what she did to deserve such a sweet sister, who cared so deeply for the people around her. Who adjusted to her girlfriend without a second thought. Who was sensitive and loving, even if you pretended not to be. 

When Mapi got down the wall, she was still shaking too badly to undo the harness. You handed her your phone, un attaching her from the wall, as she spoke quietly to your sister. When she was free, and you were free, you shoved your face next to hers, greeting Ingrid again. 

If Mapi was worried you’d make fun of her, she didn't have to be. 

You just smiled at her. “Ice cream?” You asked hopefully. Mapi and Ingrid felt their lips both tug up into smiles, matching smiles. 

“Definitely.” Mapi agreed. 

The day had been a bonding experience. Just in a very different way than Mapi had anticipated. 

------

You enjoyed spending time with Mapi, you really did. But you were also a person that needed a lot of time to yourself. Maybe it was a consequence of having no one around who paid much attention to you growing up, or maybe it was just how you were wired. Either way, after almost 2 weeks of spending every minute with your sister’s girlfriend, you needed a break. 

Some silence, and a break. 

Which is how you found yourself on a long hike, two days before Ingrid was due home. You’d gone yourself, without Scout, which wasn’t a common occurrence, but you wanted to be gone for a while. Just you and nature and nothing but your thoughts to echo around your head. 

When you got to a fork in the path, you stopped to consider. The right path would lead you back down, and you’d be home within the hour. The left path would lead you through a tricky boulder section of the hike, and you’d be gone another 2 hours. 

Your only hesitation with the left path was that Ingrid had very specifically told you not to take it alone. You’d talked to her before you’d left, and she’d warned you that the boulders were really tricky, and you shouldn’t do it by yourself. She promised to go with you when she got back, if you promised not to do it today. 

Mapi would never know, though. You’d just tell her you stopped at the top to enjoy the views for a bit, before you headed down. And if Mapi didn’t know, Ingrid wouldn’t know. And you really, really, just wanted some more time to yourself. 

So you set off to the left, ignoring the nagging feeling in your gut that you were making a mistake. 

------

You didn’t remember it hurting this bad, having a broken bone. It was definitely broken, though. You’d heard it go, even as your body hit the ground with a loud thump. 

The boulders had been tricky. So incredibly tricky. They were slightly loose and wobbly, and there were big gaps in between where you could easily fall. You had to get up and over a pile of rocks to keep moving, and you were tired. There were only a few more, by your estimations, and you were so relieved to almost be done that you were a bit more careless on the last few. 

It was the final obstacle that you fell from. You lost your footing towards the end of the boulder pile, rolling and tumbling down the last boulder, and onto the dirt path. You threw your arm out to catch yourself, and that was all it took. 

Sitting for a moment, you assessed your hand. It was broken. You knew instantly. You’d felt this before, you knew what it was. You felt strangely calm after making that assessment, carefully testing all of your fingers, and trying to move your wrist. 

Ouch. No, it was definitely broken. You had a couple options. You could call Mapi to come get you. She’d freak out and call your sister, who would be furious that you’d done exactly what she warned you not to. Or, you could finish the hike and get home. Pretend you were tired from your hike, or sick or something, and sneak away into your bedroom. Sleep it off. 

Logically, you knew the second option was bullshit. You couldn’t hide a broken arm forever. The thought of going to the doctor, though, was not something you would even consider. You only had one choice. 

You rose to your feet, the movement jostling your arm just enough to make your stomach turn. You bent over, throwing up onto the path. Straightening up again, you set off down the path, arm cradled close to your body. You could do this. You were strong and independent and you didn’t need anyones help. 

------

You felt like the universe was on your side, with the way things were going. Aside from the broken arm, of course. You were able to slip past Mapi, telling her a small lie that you’d grabbed food on the way home and weren’t feeling well, before you made it to your room. She popped her head in to say goodnight, and if she thought your behavior was weird, she didn’t say anything. 

You waited until she was in bed to shower, knowing she’d be up early for training the next day. You weren’t quite sure what your plan was past that, but you were taking this step by step. 

If Mapi didn’t know, she wouldn’t make you go to the doctor. She wouldn’t tell Ingrid. And Ingrid wouldn’t be mad. 

It was very poor logic, but logic nonetheless. 

You probably could have kept it up for longer, too, if your damn dog wasn’t so intelligent. 

------

Scout wasn’t sure what a broken bone was. Nor was he sure what was wrong with you. But you were hurting, had cried yourself to sleep the night before, and no one was doing anything. The helpful tall one was gone, leaving him with only the annoying and loud short one. Scout didn't think she was very smart, but he’d try to get the message across that someone should probably do something about you, his favorite person on planet earth. 

He followed her around when she arrived home from training. She ignored him. 

When she sat on the couch and turned the TV on, he stood right next to her, staring daggers at her face. She ignored him. 

It wasn’t until he started to whine loudly, and paw at her hand that she got fed up and finally looked at him. 

“Scout, chico, I am begging you to leave me alone.” Mapi sighed. The dog just looked at her, taking a tiny step closer to the Spaniard and letting out a quiet whine. “I swear to god.” 

She stood from the couch, heading for your room. If Scout would listen to anyone, it would be you. And she assumed that he was just pouting because you had shut your door, not allowing him inside. Now that Mapi thought about it, though, she realized she hadn’t seen you at all today, though she had exchanged texts with you while she was at training. Upon arriving at your door she raised her hand to knock, but before her hand could make contact with the wood, she heard a quiet, pained yelp come from the room. 

Mapi frowned. “Nena?” She called, knocking on the door before trying to knob. 

It was locked. 

You never locked your door. 

Mapi paused for a moment, looking down at Scout next to her, who was panting and staring up at her. See, his eyes seemed to say. I told you something was wrong. 

“Solstråle? Can I come in?” 

Inside, you had clapped your good hand over your mouth, realizing that Mapi had heard the sound you’d made. You’d been trying to pull a sweatshirt on to hide the awful sight of your arm, but even the soft brush of the fabric against your arm was horribly painful. 

Fuck. Fuck. Mapi wasn’t going to go away, not without seeing you. You struggled with the sweatshirt further before responding, but you were unable to muffle a cry of pain when your forearm twisted slightly. 

You shut your eyes, fighting back tears. “I’m fine, Mapi.” You replied, though you knew very well that it would not be enough for the Spaniard. 

“You don’t sound fine.” Mapi said, twisting the knob again, as if it would have magically unlocked itself in the last few seconds. 

“I am. All good.” You said back, fighting against the urge to open the door and collapse into her arms; your arm was on fire, the pain so bad that you were barely keeping yourself from openly sobbing. 

On the other side of the door, Mapi shook her head, growing more and more panicked. You didn’t sound right, not at all. Scout next to her had begun to pace, and she was trying to figure out if she could break the door down before she spoke again. 

“Open the door, nena. I am not asking. I need to see that you’re safe.” Mapi said firmly, closing her eyes and praying to god that you were okay. 

You had no choice. You stepped forward, unlocking the door, and Mapi’s eyes fell to you, cradling your arm close to your chest. You arm that looked wrong. It was bent at a slightly awkward angle, turning an ugly shade of purple, and it was twice the size of how it normally was.

“Jesus.” Mapi sighed, stepping closer to you, she missed the pure panic that flashed across your face, but she saw you flinch violently away from her, backing up until you were on the opposite side of the room. There were tears in your eyes, and Mapi froze, raising her hands in the air.

“Sol,” Mapi began, her heart shattering when you shook your head rapidly, wordlessly begging for something, although Mapi wasn’t quite sure what. “It’s just me, Sol. I won’t touch your arm. I just want to look at it, okay? I promise, I will not touch you.” 

You blinked at her for a minute, before nodding slowly. You moved over to your bed, taking a seat on the edge, sitting rather stiffly. It was a testament to the trust you had in the Spaniard that you held your arm out for her to see, a quiet sob falling from your lips. 

Mapi moved closer slowly, like you were a wild animal she didn’t want to scare off, until she was standing right in front of you. She kept her hands behind her back, simply looking at your arm. It was broken. Mapi wasn’t a doctor, but this wasn’t a difficult determination to make. A broken arm is pretty obvious. 

“What happened?” 

“I fell.” 

“How did you fall?” 

“I was hiking along those rocks that Ingrid told me not to climb on and I lost my balance and fell on my arm.”

“This was yesterday?” Mapi breathed, sick to her stomach at the thought that you’d been hiding this from her for so long. That you’d been hiding it at all, but that you’d gone to sleep with an untreated broken bone, that she’d left you alone while she went to training, while you had a broken bone. 

“Yeah.” 

“Oh, cariño.” She sighed. “You must be in so much pain.” She studied you closely, and she decided that now was not the time to have a conversation about hiding things from her. “Nena, do you want a hug?” 

Now that she knew, it was even harder to pretend that you were fine. She was right. You had been in a lot of pain. You were acutely aware of that pain, now, and how desperately you wanted someone to take charge of the situation and make everything okay. 

“Please,” you whispered, leaning in her direction. Mapi very carefully wrapped her arms around you, gently rubbing her hand up and down your back. You trembled against her, and Mapi thought at that moment that she would break her own arm if it meant you weren’t in pain. 

Mapi hugged you tight for a minute before she very regretfully pulled back, putting her hands on her shoulders and studying you. “Okay. Okay. Here is what we’re going to do. Tomorrow, we are going to have a talk about hiding injuries from us. Because Sol, this is so dangerous. I don’t know why you didn’t tell me, and you can explain later, but right now we need to go see a doctor.” 

“No.” You said simply, your face hardening as you looked up at the Spaniard. And it wasn’t that Mapi hadn’t expected some resistance; she knew that you had an issue with doctors. It was the decisiveness with which you spoke, and the barely masked fright on your face. 

“Solstråle, we need to get that x-rayed.” 

“No. It’s fine, Mapi.”

“It isn’t fine! It looks broken, nena, we need to get it looked at.” 

“No. No doctors, no hospital, no x-ray.” 

“Solstråle, I will call your sister if I need to. We are going to the doctor.” 

A look of betrayal flashed across our face, and you held your arm tighter to your body in a protective manner. “Please don’t make me.” You whispered. 

Harsh wasn’t working. Demanding wasn’t working. Mapi knew she couldn’t force you. She just had to convince you. She stepped closer, putting a comforting hand on your shoulder. “You are scared, that’s okay. I’ll be with you the whole time, though, nena. Do you trust me?” 

“Yeah.” You said, your voice cracking a bit, looking up at Mapi with wide, wet eyes. 

“I promise you, I am not going to let anything happen to you.”

You considered for a moment. You knew, realistically, that you had to go in. And you also knew that Ingrid was probably going to be furious with you. You craved comfort from your sister, though, you needed to hear her voice, telling you that you were safe. Ingrid knew a bit more than Mapi did about your issue with doctors, even though she didn’t have the full story. Ingrid was safe, and so was Mapi, but you really just wanted your sister. 

“Can I call Ingrid on the way there?”

And even though Mapi winced internally at mere thought of how upset this would make her girlfriend, she nodded. “Of course you can. Come on, let’s go.” 

The care with which Mapi helped you down the stairs brought tears to your eyes. She put your shoes on for you, double knotting the laces like you always did, before she paused, crouched in front of where you sat on the bench by the front door. 

“I promise you, Sol. I am not going to let anything happen to you. Okay? I’ve got you, kid.” She said, watching as you blinked hard, clenching your jaw and nodding. 

“Yeah, thanks,” you murmured, your voice barely audible. Mapi helped you up, then, and you both exited the house. 

Mapi dialed the phone in the car, connecting it to the speaker. Ingrid picked up on the first ring, almost like she knew something was wrong. “Hi mi amor,” she greeted warmly. 

“Hola. We’re in the car, Sol is with me.” 

“Hi solstråle,” Ingrid said.

“Hi,” you replied, not uttering another word. 

“Tell her what happened, mi sol.” Mapi encouraged

“Tell me what? What happened?” Ingrid asked, her tone much more concerned and serious. 

“I hurt my arm. We’re going to the doctor.” You mumbled. Ingrid sighed, but she got the feeling that this wasn’t the worst of what you had to tell her, that it was going to get worse. 

“How? What’s wrong with it?”

“I was hiking and I fell. Mapi thinks it’s broken.” 

“Broken…climbing… on the trail I told you to be careful on- wait, Sol that was yesterday. This happened yesterday!?” Ingrid shouted. “Why are you just taking her now, María?”

Mapi winced. “I didn’t know until now.” 

“YOU DIDN’T TELL MAPI UNTIL NOW?” Ingrid yelled, so loudly that the speakers crackled slightly. 

Mapi glanced over at you to see that there were tears pouring down your cheeks, and your bottom lip captured in between your teeth, as you tried valiantly not to cry. Shit.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Relax, let’s all just take a breath.” She soothed, turning to pull over on a side street. 

“María, I will not relax, this is not oka-”

“Ingrid, stop.” Mapi said firmly, her voice more stern than you’d ever heard it. Ingrid fell silent. “Sol, breathe. Ingrid isn’t mad, she’s just worried. We are okay, everything is okay.”

You nodded frantically, trying to get a handle on your emotions, which were, frankly, overwhelming at the moment. “Sorry, I’m sorry Ingrid, I’m so sorry.” You sobbed. 

Ingrid felt her heart shatter. She hadn’t meant to shout. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled, honey.” 

“I just- the last time I hurt my arm mom didn’t believe me and you told me to be careful and I didn’t want you to be mad, and I didn’t know if you’d think I was lying, and I don’t want to go to the doctor, Ingrid, but Mapi is taking me and she says I have to, and-” you cut yourself off with another loud sob, before arms were reaching over the center console and wrapping around you. 

“Shh, nena, it’s okay. You are safe, you are loved. You are okay.” Mapi whispered, loud enough that Ingrid could hear it over the phone. Tears were falling down her cheeks, too, for a combination of reasons. Mostly, though, because her girlfriend was being so absurdly sweet and patient with you. Not that María would ever be anything different, but Ingrid would never stop appreciating it.

Once you’d calmed down a bit, you leaned back away from Mapi, looking at her desperately. “María I really don’t want to go to the doctor, please don’t make me,” you begged. Even as everything in Mapi wanted to give in and take you home where you felt safe, her eyes flickered down to your arm, which was black and blue and swollen, and she knew that wasn’t an option. Before she could speak, though, Ingrid chimed in. 

“Solstråle, switch the phone to a video call and let me see your arm.” 

You did as she asked, fighting back another wave of tears when Ingrid’s face popped up on the screen, looking sympathetically at you. You held up your arm, holding back a groan of pain as you did so, not happy when Ingrid frowned at the sight. 

“Sweetheart,” 

“No,” you cried, hiding your face in the crook of your elbow. This was absurd. Your arm was clearly broken, you were 18 years old, and you were afraid of the doctor. Like a child. It was humiliating and you wanted nothing more than to pretend that this was fine, that you were fine going to get a few x-rays and a cast, but the feelings of anxiety and panic were only rising in you again, and your whole body shook at the thought of letting a doctor anywhere near your arm.

“I know, I know,” Ingrid whispered, sounding like she really did know. While your parents had always dismissed your fear of doctors as you being dramatic, ingrid had always been able to tell that you were completely and utterly terrified of going in for a check up, or going into the hospital. The pure horror in your eyes whenever you had to do so was proof enough, but she’d had to take you once, just to get your flu shot, and you’d silently cried the entire way to the office, thrown up in the bathroom upon arriving, and almost broke her hand with your strong grip while the shot was being administered. 

You hadn’t always been like this, though. It had started when you were 10, and Ingrid had never known the reason. You’d never told her, and your parents hadn’t either. 

“You’re scared, yes? Can you tell me what is making you so afraid?” Ingrid asked gently. 

You took a few shuddering breaths before hesitantly looking at her on the screen. “When I broke my arm? They had to reset it because mom waited to take me to the doctor and the bones were in the wrong spot. 

They told me they were going to put some ice on it and a bandage and then the nurses were holding me down and the doctor was forcing the bones back into place.”

You took a minute, trying to stop the incessant shakes that were running through your body at the memory. You jumped slightly when Mapi’s hand found your uninjured one, but you grabbed on tight, closing your eyes to finish your explanation. 

“I cried and I screamed and mom told me to stop being dramatic, and that I was embarrassing her in front of all the doctors. They made her leave the room then, and it was just me and the doctor and the nurses. The bones didn’t go back right on the first try, and they had to do it two more times before it worked. Mom only came in when they were done and they were putting the cast on. I asked her if I could call you, and she said no, because you were too busy for me.”

It all made sense, now. Ingrid remembered coming back from international duty after you’d broken your arm. You’d seemed so depressed and withdrawn, and she’d assumed you were upset about the injury. Never could she have imagined what had gone on while she was gone.  

“That is awful, nena. You did not deserve that, and I am so sorry that happened to you.” Mapi began, her voice softer than you’d ever heard it. “I understand why you’re scared. I promise you, though, I won’t let anyone touch you until you say it’s okay. They’ll tell you what they’re going to do before they do it, and I’ll be with you the whole time.” 

Your sister could tell that you were slightly more convinced, now. You really trusted Mapi. She’d never given you a reason not to trust her. 

“Solstråle, you really need to get it looked at. I’m sorry I’m not there, I’m sorry I wasn’t there the first time, but Mapi is going to take really good care of you, okay?”

“Okay.” You agreed, another tear sliding down your cheek. Even as you did so, though, even as you gave Mapi permission to start the car and resume the drive to the hospital, you weren’t sure you could do this. You understood the importance of getting your arm taken care of, and you’d try. Whether you’d get through this hospital trip, though, was a different story.

--------

Mapi was relatively sure she was going to need an x-ray herself; you were holding her hand so tightly, your knuckles were white. You were shaking in the hospital bed, a vacant expression on your face. 

You’d been sort of… despondent since returning from your x-ray. The doctors had insisted you go alone, and after some convincing, you’d agreed. When they walked you back into the room where Mapi was waiting, though, it was clear you were in another place. All she could do was wait for you to come back a bit. 

 “Mapi?” You said quietly, getting the attention of the Spaniard, who had been looking down at her phone, texting your sister.

“Sí nena?” Mapi replied, very gently squeezing your hand. You looked at her, then, making eye contact for the first time since returning from x-rays, and Mapi winced at the terror in your eyes. 

“I don’t feel safe.” You whispered, unsure of what else you could do or say. You needed help, your fear was rapidly becoming overwhelming, especially because you knew that any minute, the doctor would be returning. 

Mapi nodded sympathetically, reaching out with her free hand to push some hair off your forehead. She knew that physical touch was often the only thing that could comfort you when you were feeling anxious. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel more safe?” 

“Promise you won’t leave? You won’t let them hurt me?” 

“I will stay right here with you the whole time. And I will never let anyone hurt you.” Mapi looked at you with such conviction, spoke with such confidence and finality, you had no choice but to believe her. 

“I want to go home.” You whimpered, your voice cracking. 

“Soon, mi sol. Soon.” 

It was only a few minutes later that the doctor returned. She was a kind woman, gentle and cautious. She had some  understanding that you were afraid, and she’s respected that. She told you everything she was going to do before she did it, and she hadn’t once made you feel ridiculous for how you were acting. 

“Alrighty. Got your x rays here. We’re looking at a bilateral forearm fracture, which means both the radius and the ulna are broken. The fractured are clean across, nothing is displaced which is good news for you; that means we can put the cast on, and nothing has to get put back into place.” 

Mapi watched as your body practically deflated next to her, a long sigh of relief escaping your lips. 

The doctor continued. “I am curious, though. Have you broken this arm before?”

You stiffened slightly, and Mapi shifted next to you, moving closer unconsciously in a protective manner. 

“Yeah, when I was 10.” 

The doctor nodded. “I can see it on the x-ray, there’s a line here, where it didn't heal exactly right. That white dot? You’ve developed a bit of a bone spur there where the bones weren’t properly aligned the first time. Does it give you pain?” 

You shrugged. The relief was gone from your face, and you only looked defensive now. “Sometimes.” 

Mapi guessed that sometimes meant often, and she wondered if you ever would have told her and Ingrid that you were having issues with your arm, if this hadn’t occurred. 

“Well, the good news is your bones are not at risk for healing in the wrong spot, so you should avoid a repeat of the first injury complications. There are options, though, if that bone spur continues to give you issues. Physical therapy, steroid injections, and surgery are all on the table.”

You nodded, jaw clenched tightly shut. Mapi could tell this wasn’t a conversation you wanted to have, and she figured you’d been pushed far enough today. 

“Thank you, very much. What is the recovery time like?” She said, effectively drawing the attention away from you as the conversation turned to casts and braces and slings. 

You might as well have been in another room, for all you heard. You didn’t need to get the bones reset. Just a cast. You could handle that. 

Or, you thought you could. It was much more stress-inducing than you expected, when the doctor came in with the items to make the cast, and reached for your arm. You flinched away from her violently, looking helplessly at Mapi. You were thinking about how she said she wouldn’t let anyone touch you if you didn’t want them to, and Mapi knew that. 

“Can you give her a second, please?” Mapi said, not taking her eyes off of you as she slid into the hospital bed you were sitting upright in. 

The doctor nodded, for her part lacking understanding, but not needing an explanation to respect that you were clearly terrified. 

“Sol, breathe. It’s just the cast. They’re gonna put it on, they aren’t going to mess with your arm. You can do this, I know you can.” Mapi encouraged, more than a little surprised when you took a deep breath, nodded, and held your arm out to the doctor.You turned your head away, pressing your face into Mapi’s shoulder, gripping onto her shirt with your good hand. 

You were putting all of your trust in Mapi in that moment, to ensure that the doctor was gentle and didn’t do anything she hadn’t said she would. This wasn’t lost on the Spaniard, and she watched closely as they wrapped your arm, and began applying the plaster. 

She could feel your tears soaking through the fabric of her shirt, though you were completely silent as you cried. Not for the first time, and probably not for the last time, Mapi cursed your mother with everything in her. The woman had given her Ingrid, and you by extension, but she had inflicted so much pain on you in your short life. Mapi ached for the day where these scars weren’t painfully obvious, for the day you could go to the doctor without fear, ask for a hug when you needed one, cry openly when you were hurting, believe with all your heart that you were loved. 

She held tight to you, watching as the doctor put the finishing touches on your cast. 

“I’ve got you, nena.” She whispered. “Almost done.” 

You were too good to have experienced everything that you had. She just wanted you to be happy. 

When you pulled away from her to inspect your arm, she could still see such apprehension written clearly across your face. She wondered how long it would take for it to fully leave. Or if it ever would. Some scars never faded. 

You gave her a watery smile, though, nodding towards the blue of your cast. “Couldn’t get it blaugrana but this is good too, right?” You joked. 

Mapi returned your smile, feeling a very familiar spark of hope inside of her chest. Of course you would be okay. Of course you would. You were one of the strongest, most resilient people she knew. 

“Very good. I am going to draw something so inappropriate on there before your sister gets home.” 

You laughed, and Mapi laughed, both of you felt a bit like everything would be okay. Even if Ingrid scribbled over whatever Mapi drew on your cast. 

-------

You sat blankly on the couch upon arriving home, staring at the cast your hand was wrapped in. You weren’t really sure what to do now, and it didn’t seem like Mapi knew, either. She took a seat next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you into her. 

“Talk to me, nena.” She encouraged.

“I just don’t feel good. I’m really tired.” You told her. 

“It’s been a long day, your body is coming down from a lot of stress and anxiety. You’re okay, now, so let’s just lay on the couch and relax, sí?”

You agreed, shifting to move into your spot in the corner of the sectional, before you paused. “Can you stay with me?” You asked. 

Mapi smiled at you. “Of course I can. Even if it means your damn dog is going to come lay on my legs and get fur all over my pants.” 

You rolled your eyes goodnaturedly, but you couldn’t give much of an argument because Scout jumped up on the couch right after, flopping down on your legs, making sure to stretch a leg out to rest on Mapi’s legs, too. 

You dozed off relatively easily, clearly drained from a very emotionally and physically exhausting day, and Mapi took the opportunity to call her girlfriend, who she had been updating over text frequently, but who would still be, no doubt, beside herself with worry. 

When Ingrid answered the phone, and only Mapi’s face appeared in view of the camera, Ingrid half convinced herself that you’d locked yourself in a room somewhere and were refusing to come out. Mapi shifted the camera, though, showing you absolutely passed out on the couch, your uninjured hand holding onto her arm, something you’d done completely in your sleep. 

“Hey.” Mapi greeted. She didn’t worry about the volume of her voice; you could sleep through anything. 

“Hi.” Ingrid said, feeling ridiculously emotional at the sight of her two favorite people together. “She’s okay?”

“Yeah. It was really hard for her, I’ve never seen her that anxious. They just put a cast on, though, and she’s relaxed enough now to rest. She was so exhausted, Ingrid, I’d be surprised if she slept at all last night.” Mapi paused as Ingrid hummed. The Norwegian could tell her girlfriend was upset, just from the way her mouth was set stiffly, and the way her eyebrows furrowed slightly. 

“How are you doing my love? That must have been really hard to see.” She commented, studying Mapi’s expression closely. 

The Spaniard just shrugged, though. “I am sorry this happened, I know how worried you must have been being so far away.” 

Ingrid shook her head. “Don’t do that, don’t try to distract me. I want to know how you are doing.” 

Mapi nibbled on her lip for a moment, her eyes everywhere but on the phone in front of her. “I am so sorry Ingrid.” She said finally, the phone dropping into her lap as she wiped impatiently at her eyes. Ingrid had to be furious with her. Had to be. This was all Mapi’s fault, after all. 

Of course, Ingrid had never considered blaming Mapi, not for a single minute. “No, baby, this isn’t your fault.” She said, as if she’d read her girlfriends mind. Mapi could only scoff. “I’m serious, María. These things happen, it’s no one's fault.” 

“She didn’t tell me. She didn’t trust me enough to tell me.” Mapi whispered. 

Ingrid frowned. “No, she trusts you. It’s complicated with her, when she’s hurt. You heard what she said about when she broke her arm the first time. Her response to being hurt was completely based on that experience, it had nothing to do with you.” 

Everything Ingrid said was so logical, Mapi had a hard time coming up with a counter argument. She wasn’t quite ready to forgive herself, though, so she changed the subject. 

“You come home tomorrow.” She said, a small smile gracing her lips. 

Ingrid let the very obvious subject change go in favor of smiling back at her girlfriend. “I do. I’ve missed you both so much.” 

“I have to make sure to sign Sol’s cast before you get here.” Mapi said thoughtfully.

Ingrid grew pale at the thought. “No, María, whatever you are planning to put on there please, please don’t. Just write your name.” 

“Oh, my name will be on there.” Mapi smirked. 

Well, at least it didn’t seem like she was planning something explicit. “Leave room for me to sign too.” Ingrid said grumpily. 

Mapi almost jumped when you chimed in from next to her, throat slightly scratchy. “Ingrid signs first. Those are the rules.” You mumbled, barely opening your eyes to address your sister when Mapi tilted the phone towards you. 

“Ha!” Ingrid said, looking very pleased with herself.

Mapi wanted to argue, she really did. She knew, though, that Ingrid felt insecure about her relationship with you. You were a bit more open with Mapi, a bit more outwardly trusting. Mapi knew this was just because she normally had a much softer approach, though Ingrid’s tougher one was definitely necessary. She knew, too, that Ingrid worried a lot that you preferred Mapi to your sister. So, she let this one go. 

“Fine. I don’t need to sign it. I’ve already got that number 4 tattooed on you.” 

Ingrid paled. “No. No you didn’t. María Pilar León Cebrian, no you did not.” 

“She did. It’s huge, on my right ass cheek.” Next to you, Mapi stifled her laughter, and you did your best to keep a straight face. 

“You better be kidding. I swear to god if I get off that airplane and you have a four tattooed on your ass I will kill you both right there.” 

“How are you going to check? Are you going to pants me in the airport?” You laughed. 

“Solstråle,” Ingrid began, her teeth clenched. 

“Relaaaax Ingrid. I don’t have any more tattoos,” 

She let out a sigh of relief. “Thank god.” 

“...Yet.” You added, laughing with Mapi when Ingrid brought the phone closer to her face. 

“NO! No, Solstråle, no no no no no.” 

You and Mapi laughed so hard you could barely breathe, hearing Ingrid repeating no over and over. 

Ingrid rolled her eyes, but she wasn’t annoyed, not really. You were laughing and that was a big change from before. You were on the road to recovery, and you looked adorable all curled up next to Mapi, grinning at your sister through the phone. How could she be upset at your [stupid, idiotic, immature] joke?

Though she really would murder her girlfriend if you had another tattoo when she got home. 

-------

this took me an absolutely absurd amount of time.

hope you enjoy sol <3

ps. please tell me all your sol thoughts comments keep me living and breathing 🫶🏻🫶🏻

[sweettea-and-honeybutter]

Take You There III

Song that inspired this chapter...

A/N: Soooo sorry for the wait, life was lifting y'all. Thank you for your patience and for enjoying this story enough to seek more 💕 thanks for coming back to read!! Also please lemme know how you're liking the soundtrack if you're listening to the music while you read 👀 an excerpt from chapter 4 will be at the end of this one!!!

Pairing: Terry Richmond x Reign Adisa (black female OC)

Warning: we gettin a lil spicy, but just a little! Rated-minors fuck off.

Word count: 3,270

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4

Chapter 3

The military was where Terry first felt the sting of disillusionment. He had entered service with a youthful sense of purpose, convinced he was part of something honorable, and prideful that his martial arts expertise qualified him to guide his peers. But stories from fellow soldiers—men and women who came back changed, scarred by the reality of their missions—shattered that idealism, and showed him how spared he was to be kept stateside. The final blow came with his cousin’s death, a casualty not of war but of a system that prioritized power over people. His cousin’s laugh, once bright and infectious, had been silenced by negligence that no amount of money or apologies could ever mend.

Terry carried that betrayal deep in his chest. It made him wary, made him question the intentions behind every offer, every outstretched hand, every good thing. Trusting had cost him too much, and he vowed never to let that happen again. This skepticism seeped into every part of his life; even joy felt like a prelude to loss.

When he met Reign, with her warm eyes and calm energy, it was as if he’d been thrown a lifeline. But she felt too good, too gentle, like something that might be taken from him the moment he allowed himself to believe in it.

The trauma of his cousin's death made it hard for him to believe that good things could be real and lasting. The fear of another betrayal, of life snatching something precious away again, gnawed at him. With Reign, this fear was magnified—she was the first person since that living hell who’d melted his defense with her warm brown eyes, and made him want to trust in something beyond the battle-ready vigilance he had carried for so long.

The thought of Reign being "too good to be true" wasn’t just about her; it was about him grappling with whether he could accept something untainted after years of disillusionment. The fear of losing her, or of her seeing the fractured parts of him and walking away, mirrored the dread he felt watching life slip away from those he’d once admired and loved. But in her, he found something that challenged his narrative: maybe this time, he was allowed to hold on without the ground being pulled out from under him. 

His therapist was impressed. Terry was making immense progress towards healing from ptsd, and he was pleasantly surprised at Reign’s influence over his client, how she managed to infect him with hope and optimism so quickly. But still, Terry’s hesitancy was heartbreaking, and Mr. Shaw hoped he’d get through to Terry before the next time he saw Reign.

“Let me ask you this: what would it mean if you allowed yourself to trust this? To believe that Reign’s presence isn’t a trick or something that’s about to be taken away?”

Terry’s brow furrowed for a moment, and Mr. Shaw could see a flicker of something vulnerable in his eyes even through the computer screen. “It’d mean… it’d mean believing that I deserve to be happy. That maybe I’ve paid my dues, that life will take it easy on me for a second. But that’s a scary thought to have Doc.”

Mr. Shaw leaned closer to his webcam with a soft, encouraging smile. “Healing isn’t linear, Terry. It’s okay to feel scared. But what I’m hearing is that you want this. And maybe, that’s a start. Maybe, it’s worth giving yourself permission to try,” He paused to let Terry ponder over that, and then continued “maybe it's okay to do things scared.”

~~~~~~~

Reign didn’t want Terry to feel like she saw right through him, but she did, because she’d been there before. When she was learning to trust again, learning to live again, she needed patience and grace. She’d needed compassionate lovers that didn’t rush her as she found herself again, and rediscovered her footing in this ever changing world. It was really a hit or miss with her romantic life, but she took the time she needed and was all the better for it.

She found it endearing, and intoxicating, that Terry wanted to try with her, and was so genuine about his intentions. She respected that he wanted her to take the lead, it forced her to be honest with herself, about how deeply she wanted to experience all of him. They took turns texting each other since she last saw him, and she’d even managed to get a few voice notes from him that she saved to her phone to listen to repeatedly like some crushing school girl. 

After 2 days of being sweet with each other and skirting around it, she sent him the coordinates to meet her at, her fingers lingering a bit on her screen before pressing send. There was something thrilling about bringing him to a place she knew he’d enjoy, a space where they could both be in their element. She could already imagine him, standing out against the backdrop of the trees, his easy grin and the way his skin would gleam in the light… She sighed, shaking her head. Her thoughts had really been getting away from her lately.

She was starting to think he was a solo Sunday kind of guy when he texted her back saying he could meet her there in 2 hours. She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and smiled, that’s just enough time to get all their goodies and meet him at the nature preserve. 

~~~~~~~

As Terry pulled into the nature park’s parking lot, he turned off the engine and sat in silence for a moment, taking in the sights around him. Towering trees lined the trailheads, their leaves rustling in the warm Texas breeze. He rolled down his window, letting the fresh, earthy smell settle into his senses, grounding him in a way he hadn’t felt in ages. There was something indescribably soothing about this place—the kind of quiet that spoke to his soul without saying a word. It was the type of peace he’d been craving, like a balm on the unspoken worries that still tugged at his spirit.

And Reign had brought him here. She’d chosen a place that would calm his mind and allow him to just… be. The thought stirred something deep inside him, filling him with a sense of gratitude he couldn’t quite put into words. She was learning him so quickly, understanding his needs before he even voiced them, and that alone humbled him. He hadn’t met anyone who listened to him like this, not with her level of intention, of depth. It made him feel more seen than he had in years. He wanted to dedicate his time to learning her just as intuitively, and he would if she let him.

He checked his phone and saw her text again, the cheekiness of it making him chuckle.

"And don’t use the gps to find me, soldier. There are maps outside the welcome center 🫡."

This girl. Every time he thought he had her figured out, she threw him another curveball. And he was learning not to have any expectations for her—she’d surprise him every time, and he loved it. It was refreshing, the thrill of never knowing what she’d do next.

He grabbed one of the trail maps from the welcome center and studied it with growing excitement, tracing the coordinates she’d sent him to a meadow on the far side of the park. Of course, she’d be out in the open, somewhere wild and free. It suited her. And the idea of tracking her down, following the hints she left like breadcrumbs, sparked something almost primal in him. She’d soon learn he loved a good hunt, especially one that led to her.

With a grin, he folded the map and tucked it securely into his heavy backpack before setting off, his steps settling into an easy jog. The landscape opened up around him, sunlight filtering through the trees, and he could already feel that magnetic pull in his chest, that need to be near her. It was undeniable, the way she drew him in, like some force of nature itself. His heartbeat picked up as he neared her coordinates, anticipation mixing with the calmness that only she seemed to bring.

Today, he was more than ready to follow wherever she led him.

~~~~~~~

Terry found her.

She looked like she belonged here, part of the landscape itself—reclining on a blanket she’d spread out for them, nestled between a wall of wildflowers on one side and tall trees on the other. The sun kissed her face whenever a breeze stirred the branches above. Terry held his breath, instinctively raising his phone to capture her just like this: eyes closed, relaxed, her white-painted toes wiggling contentedly in the grass. She was the perfect depiction of serenity. The breeze carried her jasmine scent, mingling with the wildflowers, and he felt his mouth water as a hunger grew within him.

As he edged closer, he took in the way her dark cropped shirt and matching biker shorts hugged her curves. His gaze lingered on her exposed, soft thighs, and he bit his lip, longing to leave a trail of kisses along that smooth skin. He was enraptured, his body pulling him forward of its own accord. Just then, his foot came down on a stick, and it cracked beneath him, snapping her out of her trance.

She sat up quickly, squinting, clearly struggling to make sense of the fuzzy figure approaching. Terry smiled, crouching down beside her, picking up her glasses from the blanket. 

“You really need to be more aware of your surroundings, pretty girl,” he murmured, slipping the frames gently onto the bridge of her nose. His fingers found her braids, smoothing them away from her face as he held her chin, tilting her head up to look at him.

Reign’s lips curved into a soft, easy smile, her hands finding their way to his sturdy thighs, grounding herself in the warmth of him.  A spark danced in her eyes, the playful challenge he’d come to love. She leaned up towards him, her breath a soft whisper against his lips. “You found me,” she teased, voice low, “good boy.”

He blinked, stunned for a moment and dick hardening in response, but then her quick, sticky-sweet kiss left him reeling, wanting more, just as she fell back against the blanket with a mischievous laugh. Terry exhaled, staring down at her, his own laughter echoing hers as he wondered what he’d done to have this beautiful, maddening woman in his life. Shaking his head, he shrugged off his backpack, settling in beside her, his heart feeling lighter the more time he spent with her.

“You didn’t make it hard for me to find you, Reign.” His deep voice wrapped around her name, and she felt a delicious shiver run through her. Trying to disguise her reaction, she rolled onto her side to face him. He’d mimicked her earlier pose, lying on his back with his hands behind his head, biceps flexing, looking effortlessly relaxed. She watched his broad chest rise and fall with each slow inhale, his long lashes fluttering as he watched the drifting clouds. He looked exactly like he did in her secret fantasies.

“I’ll make it harder next time, then,” she teased, before spotting the picnic basket she’d brought. “Oh!” She grinned. “I almost forgot—I brought goodies for us!” Terry’s gaze didn’t waver as he watched her shift positions.

In a bold move, Reign swung herself over him, straddling his hips, settling her weight comfortably against him. Terry tensed beneath her, his eyes darkening. She tried to appear casual, squeezing his hips with her thighs as she busied herself pulling out sandwiches and snacks, chattering about where she got them and how much she hoped he’d like them.

Terry didn’t hear a single word really. She felt so warm on top of him, just like she had on her balcony. And she looked so pretty from this angle, glasses cutely sliding down her nose, braids messily falling in her face. He could imagine how sexily she’d bounce on him, her melodic voice moaning his name, making such a mess with her wet-

“Terry?” her voice and the feeling of her hand softly rubbing up and down his chest snapped his attention back to her. His breathing was stuttered, his eyes cloudy with lust, his hardness pressing right into her clothed center. She tilted her head to the side, almost innocently, and raised a brow with a sweet smile.

“You hungry?” Reign could tell by the dark hue of his eyes that she was playing a dangerous game. Terry moved his hands from behind his head to firmly grip her thighs and hold her steady. She gasped as he rolled his hips up into her, pressing his bulge exactly where she needed him the most. 

“Yes.” His voice was rough, almost a growl, and the single word was packed with layers of meaning. Reign felt her body flush and her shyness return to the surface. She quickly climbed off of him with a nervous laugh and Terry took a deep, calming breath. 

“Great!” Reign’s voice came out squeaky in that way it always does when he left her flustered, “Dig in!”.

~~~~~~~

They ate slowly, savoring both the food and each other’s company. Terry found himself talking more than he had with her before, letting himself be pulled along by Reign’s quiet encouragement, her smile and laughter drawing him further out of his shell. He shared stories from his time in the military, but carefully chose the lighter ones, filled with camaraderie and the kind of loyalty he hadn’t realized he missed so much.

At one point, he caught himself pausing, unsure if he should say what was on his mind. But something about the way Reign looked at him—completely open, with no judgment, just a quiet patience—made him feel like he could keep going.

“You’ve got this aura about you, you know?” His deep voice came out almost shyly, and his piercing eyes took in all of her features. Her laughter bubbled up, soft and genuine, and it settled something deep within him.

“Oh?” she asked, leaning in from where she sat next to him, gently bumping his shoulder encouraging him to continue, her eyes alight with curiosity. “What kind of aura do I have?”

He paused, weighing his words. “It’s like… you quiet all the noise in my head.” He was taken aback by his own honesty. “I haven’t felt that way with anyone else.”

She gave him a smile, taking in every word without interrupting. And the more he spoke, the more he realized how much he wanted her to know—how desperately he wanted her to understand this unspoken connection that he hadn’t been able to put into words.

They fell into easy conversation after that, intimately feeding each other food here and there, and he realized he wanted to know her in ways he hadn’t been interested in knowing anyone else ever—her past, her dreams, the quietest parts of her mind. And he shared just as much with her as she did with him, her questions gentle but curious, drawing out memories and stories he hadn’t thought of in years. He watched her as he spoke, the way her expressions shifted with each story, each reaction giving him a little more permission to let his guard down.

A thought crossed his mind as he looked at her, laughing softly at something he’d just said. He wondered if she realized how rare it was for him to feel this… safe. To feel so seen without the need to shield himself. She was only just beginning to know him, but there was an honesty and ease between them that he was finding harder and harder to resist. 

They found themselves lying side by side again as the sun dipped lower in the sky, casting everything in a golden shine. This time, Terry was propped up on his side, taking in the way her skin seemed to glow in the fading light. Reign stretched out languidly, like a contented cat, her arms reaching above her head, shifting her body just a little closer to his warmth without even realizing it. His eyes traveled over the curve of her torso, drawn to the delicate lotus etched on her ribs. With a gentleness that disguised his hunger for her, he lifted his hand and brushed his knuckles softly over the inked petals, tracing them as if they held a secret meant only for him. 

“I have a confession to make, Reign,” Terry’s voice was a low rumble as his knuckles brushed over her belly button. She squirmed at the tickling sensation, cracking one eye open to give him a suspicious, playful look.

“Well, go on then, Terry. I’m about to explode from the suspense of it all,” she teased, her voice dripping with mock impatience. He clenched his jaw to keep from laughing at her bratty tone—she was such a smart ass.

With a slow, deliberate motion, he flipped his hand, letting his palm settle warmly against her lower tummy, just above the high waistband of her shorts. Reign’s breath caught, and she felt her pulse quicken as both her eyes opened, now fully alert and fixed on him.

“I haven’t been a good boy, actually,” he murmured, his gaze darkening, “not with the thoughts I’ve been having about you.”

The quiet intensity in his voice washed over her, and the heat of his hand was almost burning. Reign’s body responded instantly, a flush of desire spreading like wildfire, making her shift beneath him. “Yeah?” Her voice came out a little breathless, but she didn’t try to hide it, letting the weight of her want show.

Terry nodded with solemn honesty, his gaze unwavering, serious in a way that made her heart thud harder. When it came to her, he wouldn’t lie—not about anything. Reign hummed thoughtfully, her gaze lingering over him as she brought one hand to wrap her fingers around his wrist, guiding his hand down with unhurried purpose. She stopped just as his fingertips brushed under the band of her shorts and panties.

“Feel me.” Reign’s tone left no room for argument, not that Terry even wanted to protest in the first place. His long fingers eased their way lower, feeling the smooth skin and small tuft of soft hair, his watchful eyes locked on hers the entire time. He let out a low groan when he felt how hot and slick she was, his fingers easily slipping around her hard nub causing her lashes to flutter before she focused her gaze on him again.

“I’ve been having those same thoughts Terry.” Her sweet voice was deeper now, and Terry felt himself pulse under the layers of constricting clothes he had on. Reign’s breath hitched as she felt his thick fingertips make another circle around her clit, drawing more wetness from her. 

“We should stop thinking so hard then, pretty girl.” Terry gently pulled his hand out from the tempting oasis between her thighs, and she watched awestruck as he sucked her sweetness clean off of his fingers, a pleasure filled rumble leaving his chest. “We can finish this at my place-” Reign was already sitting up before he could finish, haphazardly throwing shit in the picnic basket causing Terry to let out a hearty laugh at her eagerness.

***

An excerpt from chapter 4...

“I’ve been wanting to be here…” his voice husky from his visceral need for her, and Reign's moans increased in volume at how she could somehow feel his voice in the depth of her being, right where his tip repeatedly kissed her cervix. 

“…in this moment with you, for too long Reign.” He could hardly speak, the feeling of her warm pussy squeezing around him in response to his words, it was too much. Reign moaned louder, eyes shut tightly at his increased thrusting, getting lost in all he was giving her. 

“Don’t hold back shit from me, baby girl. Give me everything.” 

~~~~~~~

Let me know what you think 🤭

Taglist: @megamindsecretlair @slutsareteacherstoo @liatreads @sageispunk @teddybeerz @eviescloset @planetblaque @soft-persephone @violetmuses @miyuhpapayuh @iterum-incipi @blackgurlnhermoods @helloncrocs @blyffe @meannaim @nun0ir @onherereading @eilujion @maria-gab-rielle @gg-trini @gwenda-fav @violetlovezzz @keyaho @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @uzumaki-rebellion @honeytoffee @avoidthings @brattyfics @abeautifulmindexposed @blowmymbackout @kumkaniudaku @pocketsizedpanther @mysecretbleedingheart @amyhennessyhouse @tvchi @aristasworld @stabrichie @geriixox

[brucewaynehater101]

I'm so glad you like it and I love all your feed back. Tim would 100% have plenty of trauma that he just. Is *refusing* to address due to starting that identity when he was likely still a teen. Tim having the identity if Jane Doe is also 100% going to help him with coming to terms with all the shifty stuff his family did.

As for Jason, I think he would see Jane refusing to be near him as Jane being skittish, likely due to the many guns he is visibly wearing. He knows he has a reputation as a protector, but he also knows that part of that reputation is that people do fear him. He'll just. Need to give Jane time to relax around him, yeah?

Though I do have a version that ends much worse for everyone. The Bats aren't the first to find out who Jane Doe is. No, Tim makes a mistake. To calm down someone he's friends with after they almost got mugged and he saved them as Red Robin, without thinking he made a joke referencing an inside joke which made the two ladies laugh. Only one problem. Only they and Jane Doe understand that joke because no one else was there. It was just those three. Meaning Jane Doe is Red Robin. Which would logically put N as Nightwing, H as (Red) Hood, and R as Robin with B as Batman.

This also means these two now "know" how the Bats treat Red Robin and they spread word *fast*. Within a week all the Sex Workers who were worried about Jane know and help Jane sneak away whenever they know a Bat is going to be coming by. This also means that almost over night all of the Sex Workers, Bar Owners, and most of the homeless (at least the ones in Jane's area who know him) are refusing to work with any Bats but Red Robin.

They are full on *scared* of Robin because they know he carries a sword, they know he uses it on criminals, and if he's willing to use that sword to nearly kill his own older brother multiple times? Whats stopping him from hurting them if he thinks they're up to something? Batman? The guy who they now believe either used to or still does beat up his own kids? No, they saw what happened before Tim became Robin they *remember*. The ones who flirted with Nightwing are suddenly shunning him or full on sneering at him. They believe he stole his own younger brother's first time (Tim only said N stole something precious that he could never give back and that it hurt very badly. He meant Robin but he couldn't tell them it was Robin) after tricking his younger brother into falling in love with him (Tim told them that Dick was the first person to make him feel truly loved and adored, because this is 100% bad parents Jack and Janet who told him "do whatever it takes to succeed")

There is so much miscommunication in this AU. It's funny and devastating at the same time.

Them finding out before the Bats reminds me of the fics that explore the street kids finding out that Red Hood beat up Robin (a child) even though he promised to never harm kids and to protect them. This causes them to instantly distrust him, and Red Hood is never able to earn their trust again.

I imagine that the sex workers would probably react similarly to Red Hood. Instead of being greeted warmly, suddenly everyone is treating im with caution. That's so much fucking angst for Jason (especially if he finds comfort/support from sex workers due to them helping him when he was homeless).

Also, there might be a time when the sex workers are mad at Red Robin (and some probably stay mad). They see taking a persona of a sex worker as insulting and making light of their situation. Some of them would never do that work if they had choices, which RR obviously has.

Then they start to logic how old he was when he started (he was doing this when he was Robin), how he is actually still selling himself because he performs the work, and that he probably does view it as a necessity. I wonder if there's any misconceptions that Batman knew/knows about RR's activities and whether they would compare that to pimps.

But yeah. They would become almost hostile to all Bats and RH.

[engelfeather]

Whats a g/t trope y'all genuinely hate, but is considered a "hot take"

For me it's borrower stories, specifically those that always follow the same formula and never get creative.

As in, borrower is outside looking for food or smt, somehow gets into a situation where they are trapped, human finds them, borrower is scared and tries to flee, yet gets trapped under a glsss, with the human assuring them that they're kind and won't harm them. Then after a few chapters, the borrower leaves behind all the fear they held for humans and becomes close friends with them (this especially throws me off whenever the borrower has had a friend or a family member be killed by a human). They usually also meet their friends who are also super nice.

I understand that most humans wouldn't be out here tormenting a tiny person they found, but I honestly don't get the hype behind stories where it's only fluff and basically almost always the same plot.

The human characters are usually the most boring to read about, which is a huge let down for me. Especially as, it feels weird that I've yet to see a borrower story where the human genuinely freaks out that a tiny person has been watching them all along.

I mean how disturbing is it to know that you were being watched all this time, that you were never truly alone. Including in moments where you were feeling down.

For more interesting prompts, you could have the human actually be someone insane, that sees the borrower as nothing more than another experiment or something to exploit for money, with the borrower showing them that they are sentient, yet, perhaps, due to sn inability to understand each other, the humans doesn't understand what they're doing.

Or

Have the borrower have a whole web of crime with other borrowers, where they purposefully steal things from humans to make their days just a little more upsetting. Getting back at them for, maybe, having hunted them in the past. Have borrowers actually be evil little gremlins or something.

Heck, maybe even have the two be criminals, with the borrower helping breaking into people's houses and spying on them, to see who has the best stuff to steal from and the human doing the rest.

And if you do give your borrower a sadder backstory, please please please let them deal with their trauma and not completely remove it for fluff. Have them have moments where they feel inferior and break down, rushing back to their holes regardless of if the human is being nice or not. Let the human get frustrated with the borrower for not fully trusting them, not knowing the full story. LET THEM HAVE TENSE MOMENTS WITH EACH OTHER. I WANT TO SEE THEM FIGHT

MAKE THEM HAVE CLASHING PERSONALITIES WHERE THEY OFTEN GET INTO HEATED ARGUMENTS

Idfkanyway hope you liked this silly lil ranty rant I wrote. No hate to anyone who writes borrower stories, considering my own story has borrower elements.

-Lucky

[acequinz]

I am once again wondering why people expect post time skip Lan Xichen to trust WWX or even like him...

Like I love WWX but he did not give anyone any reason to trust him over anyone who shit talked him. Do I partly blame the resentful energy and trauma fucking him up enough to not going about certain things in a smarter way instead of the impulsivity he showed??? Sure.

Hell even Lan Wangji pre WWX death was constantly trying to fix him or help him instead of trying to understand him- which is also due to WWX not trusting him enough to open up(but that is also due to the way their relationship was built up and trauma!!!).

And even then Lan Xichen worriedly watched over his brother cause he cares.

Lan Xichen cares the most for Lan Wangji. (Even more than his sworn bros) That's his little brother.

And if anyone's little brother grieved for fucking 16 years over a man who at least in front of Lan Xichen constantly disrespected or pushed him away, would get super worried for him too.

Like which sibling wouldn't dislike the other person. Because to Lan Xichen WWX at first had been a good kid with different values and thoughts and he encouraged Lan Wangji to seek him out and open his horizons and thoughts instead of sticking to the rules rigidly.

Post war WWX??? Unstable and very much dangerous, pretty fucking untamable too. Jiang Yanli was the only one who had any power on him and then he went and defected from the Jiang sect as well? So he wasn't loyal either.

What reason has WWX given Lan Xichen to trust him any sort of way especially when it comes to Lan Wangji.

And then people are like oh Lan Xichen just sat by the side and watched Lan Wangji be whipped... What was he supposed to do?

You know the gusu lan sect rules apply to him as well right???

And Wangji did fight his clan elders, especially in those times Lan Wangji and Jiang Yanli were the only two people who still trusted WWX.

But WWX was dead and all Lan Wangji could do was grieve.

And all Lan Xichen could do was watch Lan Wangji grieve.

As much as I love WWX and wished he didn't suffer the way he did and blame the Jin clan for his demise.

He didn't exactly make it hard for others to denounce him, if he had trusted people or depended on others more, things could have turned out different.

But they didn't because he couldn't do it, his trauma wouldn't allow it.

And guess what??? He wasn't the only traumatized bitch in the room, everyone went through the war and lost a lot.

They just overthrew a tyrant why wouldn't they fear someone who seemed to be walking a similar path and refused to be more amicable or work with them as a whole.

Wei Wuxian through those actions can only be seen as a threat. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT TRAUMA DOES TO PEOPLE!!!!

Lan Xichen had his sect burned down, his father killed, almost lost his brother as well and in none of these scenarios or post these scenarios did WWX seem trustable, he even constantly refused Wangji's help.

In which of these actions should Lan Xichen find any reason to trust WWX?

But of course Lan Xichen cares for Lan Wangji and so he still does, but he makes it clear to WWX that he's doing this for Wangji because he worries for him, worries because he saw Wangji suffer because of WWX.

(Do not turn this into a whole me victim blaming WWX it is simply, actions have consequences and the reasoning for actions rarely matters because there are no mind readers in the narrative and people very rarely communicated their fucking reasons explicitly)

[sophieinwonderland]

Let's talk parallels between the state of politics, xenophobia and syscourse!

Specifically, libeling marginalized communities to spread hate against them. Because I've noticed a lot of interesting connections, and I feel like I just watched something in syscourse play out on the national stage.

It turns out that bigotry is the same wherever you are. When you pay attention to a lot of bigoted rhetoric, it's always using the same sort of playbook.

When it comes to plurality, the bigots are system medicalists and anti-endos. Those who hate non-traumagenic systems just for existing.

If you listen to anti-endo rhetoric, the specific talking points reek of xenophobic rhetoric. Anti-endos will claim that endogenic systems, simply by existing and being plural, are invading their spaces and stealing their resources. What resources, you might ask? It's always unclear. It's not DID therapists since most endogenic systems don't have DID and aren't seeking help from them. It's not apps like Plurakit or Simply Plural, since they were made by endogenic and pro-endo systems, and wouldn't exist without the pro-endo community.

In some cases, you will even see anti-endos go so far as to classify endogenic systems as invaders.

I am not saying that sysmeds are xenophobic. But rather, I feel that a lot of sysmed rhetoric is at least in part, due to the normalization of xenophobic talking points and those talking points being unconsciously internalized. And I feel that both also stem from the same sort of tribalism and fear of this outside group "invading" spaces you view as your own.

The System Hopping Libel

A libel is a published lie that is written with malicious intent.

When I refer to the "system hopping libel," I'm referring to a popular claim by sysmeds that "system hopping" is a RAMCOA term that was stolen by endogenic systems. The claim goes that survivors of RAMCOA (a term for ritual and organized abuse) originally used "system hopping" to refer to travel between different side systems. Later, endogenic systems stole this term and used it to refer to a headmate traveling from one different-bodied system to another.

This was quickly spread through sysmed circles, especially on Twitter and TikTok, as an example of how evil endogenic systems were, to steal terms from this super vulnerable group who suffered the most extreme trauma imaginable.

Except... this was a complete lie.

In reality, system hopping had always been used by endogenic systems to refer to travel between systems of different bodies. We've tracked its first use with this definition at least as far back as 2005. While the RAMCOA definition is much more recent, coming from a Tweet in 2021, 16 year later, seen here:

This, at no point, claimed it was a stolen term either. But sysmeds ran with it anyway, using this post as the basis for a massive libel against a marginalized community.

Later, the system who originally posted the Tweet that started the libel deleted it, disgusted that sysmeds took their words as a RAMCOA survivor and used those words to spread hate.

And they made it clear that this wasn't ever a RAMCOA term, saying this:

But the system hopping libel is something that still persists in syscourse today, despite being completely debunked.

MAGA's Pet-Eating Blood Libel

During the recent presidential debate, Donald Trump claimed that Haitian immigrants were stealing and eating people's cats and dogs.

If you haven't been keeping up on American politics, you might assume that this wasn't real or is just a meme. Trust me, I wish that it was.

This entire rumor started because a woman in Springfield Ohio made a Facebook post alleging that an immigrant had eaten a neighbor's cat. This rumor though was completely unsubstantiated, and the woman who made it... she's now deleted the post, regretting that it's been used by bigots to fuel their hate.

It's remarkable to me to watch the same exact scenario I saw with system hopping play out in politics.

One person makes a social media post. Bigots jump on that post to use it as an excuse to spread hate. The person who made the post regrets and deletes the post, making it clear they don't support the bigotry that stemmed from it. But it's too late because the bigotry machine is already in full swing and bigots don't care about facts or reality.

They are more than happy to spread malicious lies to slander an entire marginalized community. Even once the person whose words they used to start those lies have publicly denounced and turned against them, and deleted the posts that started it.

Stand Against Bigotry

While bigotry comes in a variety of different favors, it's important to recognize the commonalities between it. All bigotry is rooted in the same sort of fear and hate of the Other. The more you listen to racists and xenophobes and TERFs and transmeds and homophobes and sysmeds, the more you realize how much all of these groups think alike.

No, sysmeds might not be xenophobic. But they do think like someone who is xenophobic.

They see the world through the same sort of lens. And we need to stand against hate of marginalized people in whatever forms it takes.

With that in mind, I don't think I should need to say this, but get out and vote. Vote for the candidates who will stand against bigotry and hate. Vote against Trump for President. But also vote against MAGA supporters on down ballot races.

A plural future is a future where hate cannot be allowed a foothold, anywhere.

#Plurals for Harris

[xfancyuu]

~ cause i can feel a real connection, a supernatural attraction. [aemond targaryen]

PART II (my blood, sweat, tears, and my cold breath, take it all away.)

as promised, here is the second part! the first part of this series contains a westerosi wedding, this fic will contain a valyrian wedding and the third part, well that's a surprise. reader is afab with she/her pronouns if requested i will write non-binary characters! i'd also love some feedback for this! i'd love some pointers on what you liked/didn't like about it! as always i tried to make reader an actual person who you could see yourself within but she's a lot more chill this chapter, only aemond and reader are in this so nobody is making a surprise guest appearance lol.

this fic contains: bolton!reader (now targaryen), valyrian wedding, valyrian wedding traditions (cutting each other so if ur squeamish to that maybe skip over that section), afab reader, no appearance indicators (except height, aemond is taller than you, reader cuts her hair due to impulsivity and frustration — your hair will be long enough to have u cut it to your shoulders), reader and aemond are both around eighteen-twenty-one (but this is some time before the war & that gossip girl thanksgiving worthy moment — the girls that get it, get it) [3,188 words]

Escaping your own wedding ceremony was easier than you had thought, the hallways were scarce with limited few dotted around. And those who were around would not stop the one-eyed prince from leaving his own ceremony with his bride.

You were thankful to Aemond, the bedding ceremony would have been humiliating, you knew your own parent's had one, and it had left your mother traumatised, thankful she had sons and only one daughter, it could minimise the generational trauma felt by that moment. You supposed in the two years of courting Aemond he had cared for you enough to refuse the outdated tradition all together.

"Will you be present tonight?" Aemond had asked you, confusing you as the two of you walked towards your chambers.

"What in the seven hells is that supposed to mean?"

"You were not mentally present during the wedding." It was a fact, he had noticed too much for you to comprehend. Would he hurt you for being such a disgrace? As though sensing your fear, he spoke, "You fret far too much, I just worry it had been something of my doing."

"Oh no..." The pause between words was present as you tried to come up with a reasoning for your actions, "It is just something I do, and I fear I never know when it is happening until it is over."

The grunt Aemond had allowed to escape him worried you, "I will be present tonight, crowds scare me and put my mind into high stress levels, but when we are together alone I enjoy my time with you."

It seems as though your explanation had fallen on deaf ears, however Aemond was simply analysing the event and your explanation. It seemed fitting that the both of you did not seem content in the world you were living in. With you escaping into your own mind while he focused his energy on fighting and learning.

The silence between the two of you was slightly uncomfortable, with you fearing you had said something wrong and your actions being ridiculous for a princess of the realm while Aemond had simply enjoyed being within your presence it hadn't taken you long to get to your chambers, however Aemond hadn't entered with you.

You were left to your own devices, as Aemond thought it fit to leave you in your current state. You knew what he was doing — going to gather all he needed, you weren't sure what it was, but you trusted him, trusted him enough to believe all he told you about the Valyrian ceremony you were about to partake in.

You felt suffocated, though, the nervousness and fear of what was to become of tonight had hit you in waves. You felt as though you could rip your hair out as you stared at the braids you'd have to spend far too much time to undo. Your ladies had spent such a long time creating such a lovely sight, you simply didn't want to take it out, but you knew you had to.

The hotness you felt within had you itching at your skin, it was already irritated and the red marks you had left hadn't affected you much. However, your hair was going to be a problem.

The knife had glinted in the candlelight, and your own temptation would not vanish, perhaps if you had cut your hair the braids would be easier to remove and would not hurt you. Long hair was the bane of your existence, and cutting your hair while sectioned into braids would be easy. Far too tempting for you to not do it. Nobody could stop you.

Before you could comprehend the knife within your grasp, you had already cut one braid to your shoulder. The freeing feeling was short-lived once you had realised what you had done. Your once long beautiful hair was now unevenly cut and to your shoulders no less. What would the people surrounding you say? That Aemond had cut it off in an act of hatred towards you?

You would certainly be the gossip surrounding the castle for many moons to come. How the prince had dragged you away, defiled you in more ways than one. You hadn't thought about your actions, instead you chose the easiest way for you to escape the confounds of tradition and suffering. It's not like you could reattach the hair either — but it would grow back to the length you had such hated for, or you could keep knives and continue cutting to your desired length.

You had contemplated cutting the dress too — the beautiful white dress your father had ensured was designed with your specifications in mind, but you couldn't. It was far too beautiful, and you were sure Aemond would help you with the removal when it came time for that section of the night. The part which made you [word] and wish for it to be over in minutes, like your mother and ladies told you it would be.

"The knife's intended purpose wasn't that." Aemond had spoke, you hadn't heard him entering while your thoughts spiralled to the mistake you'd made despite being fully conscious of your actions.

"Oh..." You didn't know how to retort, other than another "oh" with a raised octave.

"You could have waited before you decided to chop it off."

"But where's the fun in that? Do you not like surprises? You told me once you liked nice surprises, is this not a nice one?"

"It is certainly a surprise." Aemond had approached you and had taken the knife from your grasp before you could decide to cut anything else on your being. "The blade is sharp, I don't like the idea of it being so close to your neck."

"But you trust me enough to not cut you?" You had asked, not completely aware of his trauma but knowing he didn't like blades in his general direction when he was not fighting.

"Do you intend to hurt me?" Even if you did, you knew Aemond had fast reflexes and could easily detain you without much effort.

"I intend to love you, if you'd allow me." Your sincerity seeped through your words, "I know our courtship was a long one, and you may not see yourself the way I view you, but I want to show you, you're worth so much more than you give yourself credit."

You viewed him as though he put the stars in the sky, as though he was the one solely responsible for your own happiness. The prince who put duty above all else, the man who few had got to see the true self of. They hadn't seen the man who cared about your own happiness, indulging in horrific romance books with bad tropes to simply have conversations about such topics with you, the man who looked at you like you were the only person in existence when you spoke. And you had left him utterly speechless.

You had surmised that while Aemond may have been his mother's son, her clearly being his favourite and only present parent. He valued the traditions of his father's culture — you had thought as much with his claiming of Vhagar, his pride and his passion. He was truly the fire and blood you had always craved. The only person you could ever see yourself happy with, the only person who truly understood you.

The idea of a Valyrian wedding was much more fun in your mind, without speaking the language you had no idea what to expect, yes you had studied the language, but it was very different from speaking a language you weren't fluent in. Aemond was insistent and you could not deny him. Assimilating yourself into his culture would be an honour, having his children would be an honour, but with honour comes learning, and it was something you enjoyed. But less than a year was not nearly enough time to learn an entire language, and the nuances that came with said culture and language.

"There would usually be a Septon to bless us, though I think it would be fitting for the two of us to be together and join as one."

"How scandalous." You joked, hoping to ease some of the tension you felt within yourself. "You aren't withholding any other key information about this ceremony, are you? You do not need a dragon to breathe fire on us?"

"Unless you have a death wish, it is not advised." He enjoyed this feeling, being so free with one another, with only the spectators being yourselves and your desires.

"Next you'll be telling me you're not fireproof."

"I live to be a disappointment, princess."

"You could never disappoint me unless you withhold cake from me."

"Cake is your only weakness?"

"The only one I'll tell you about, I need to have a few secrets up my sleeve to surprise you with in ten years."

"You have already revealed far too much."

"Then I suppose I must stop speaking, for I am no longer a mystery, and you shan't be interested any more." Aemond had laughed as you continued your melodrama.

"This is what you want?" Aemond had asked, his sudden mood change had almost given you whiplash.

"I wouldn't have committed myself to you fully if it wasn't what I had wanted."

"I just wanted to be sure before we started the process." You were not sure where Aemond's insecurity had come from. The two of you had spent so much time together, albeit chaperoned by your brother. "I wanted to make sure before I truly reveal myself to you."

"There is nothing you could do which would make me want you less." You were not sure where your sentimentality had come from, "Would you like me to help you? With your eyepatch — that is." You had never brought up the eyepatch. It had made no difference to you. Rumours had circulated about why he wore it — you did not want to listen to them. Some had said there was a pitch-black hole where his eye had meant to be, others said it was decayed and rotted. You were not sure what was to believed, but you knew it would not change your feelings.

"I can manage just fine." The response was more hostile than you were expecting.

"I would like to help you, as your wife it is important to me that you do not suffer nor hide yourself from me." Aemond had not retorted as you moved to help him. You were not sure what you were expecting, but the sapphire was certainly not it. "You are beautiful." You spoke as you took in his appearance, wishing he would feel comfortable being his authentic self, "Never hide yourself away from me." It had been a demand. You wanted Aemond to see himself the way you saw him, beautiful and otherworldly. You knew the Targaryen genes were strong within him, but you had not expected him to be this beautiful.

"You do not need to lie."

"You doubt my words? I would like to know who hurt you and to hurt them in exchange, I want them to feel the pain you have felt, I want to set them ablaze, I want them to suffer. I will flay them if you ask me to, I would make it slow and painful."

"You speak treasonous words, wife." You had put the pieces together from that alone, one of Rhaenyra's son's — most likely Lucerys had hurt your husband. You had wondered why justice hadn't prevailed. Your father would have had your brother's manhood if he had hurt you, yet your husband was not fated with such luck, despite his own father being the King who could have easily sought justice. "It is long past now, I do not wish to think about it nor speak about it."

You thought it best to drop the issue. Irritating your husband was not your intention — especially on your wedding night. You hadn't wanted him to think about such things when you were meant to be happy. "Shall we get on with it, then?"

At your insistence, Aemond had placed the knife on the dresser along with the chalice he was holding — containing a substance you had no knowledge of.

The two of you were close, closer than you were comfortable with, Aemond may be your husband, but proximity and intimacy was not something you were accustomed to. Perhaps it would come with being a married couple — or perhaps it would come tonight when you would no longer be a maiden.

The blade did not sting as much as you expected, as Aemond had brought the blade to your lip, perhaps it was the anticipation of assimilating into his culture he treasured so dearly. Perhaps it was the idea of being a respected Targaryen Princess who followed the traditions of ancestors you did not have. Would your Northern ancestors be ashamed that you so willingly allowed your husband to maim you? To take your own culture from you and thrust his own upon you? You did not have time to think of that as Aemond had cut the palm of your hand, it had brought a gasp from your lips. That had been the painful part, though he soon let go of your hand to maim his own skin.

The blood had dripped freely from your hand onto the pristine white dress you had loved so much. The red had stained the pure white colour, perhaps it was an omen for what was to come. Aemond tainting everything with his love for you, placing you on such a high pedestal that he believed you could do no wrong. Willing to start wars to ensure your safety and happiness. He truly loved you even if he struggled to say the words out loud and in front of an audience. Aemond had always been reserved, believing it to be for the best. His own feelings had never meant more than those around him, his love for you had a toxic hold grasp on his being, so willing to do heinous acts to ensure you stayed pure to the chaos going on around you. But you were not that type of girl, you thrived on chaos, on the unknown and were more than willing to be the chaos that spread Aemond's passion and fire.

Aemond's own cut hand had held yours, aligning the cuts together as to mix your blood, to make you one. Both of your blood had seeped into the dress, there was a taste of iron in your mouth — your blood, both your and Aemond's blood, mixed as one whole being. You were his as he was yours.

"Ñuha ānogar, nager, qūvy, se ñuha iōrves jelevre, gūrogon ziry mirre qrīdrughagon. Bisa bantis īlon siñagon hae mēre, īlon kessa dōrī part. Iksā se ōños bona sīmontan arlī isse ñuha ābrar. Iksā se cause hen ñuha biarves."

You had picked up on a few words Aemond had spoken, but most had left you clueless, you were ashamed you had not taken studying Valyrian seriously when it was presented to you. You could not express in words how you felt about him, how you would burn the world down for him, instead you spoke what little Valyrian you knew, "Avy jorrāelan."

"Avy jorrāelan," Aemond's response was almost immediate, the hand which was not holding yours quickly moved to the chalice he had brought in, bring it to your lips and you took it as a sign you needed to drink. The liquid was bitter, almost gag worthy but went down smoothly. You did not want to know what was inside as it warmed your throat. You had looked at Aemond as he too drank the liquid, though his own reaction was not as evident as your own.

It was your turn to lead the ceremony you had thought, all ceremonies end with a kiss yet yours had not happened yet. It was a split second decision, bringing Aemond to your own height, he had towered over you naturally but you doubted he would complain as you sealed your ceremony with a kiss. This one had felt more intense than your first ceremony. You would not be satisfied with a simply peck as though you were children.

You were lovestruck as your mouth's joined. You were one, you would continue being one until the end of your days, you had not known what to truly expect. Aemond was a wild card. But so were you. It was slow to begin with, the taste of both blood and what the liquid contained mixed within your mouth. You couldn't taste the wine consumed earlier in the night nor did you truly care. It was unbecoming of a lady as your tongue entered Aemond's mouth. You had heard from ladies both in court and workers of the palace that they had placated their husband's needs, but you had needs yourself — you felt yourself tingling as though you were on fire. You wanted more, no you needed more.

Aemond had pulled away from you, looking as dishevelled as you had felt. "We need to stop before I do something I regret."

"And what is that?"

"Please let me help you get undressed first, I do not want you to feel pressured to act a certain way around me and I fear you will feel far too much pain if we continue."

The meshing of two cultures so different, with such different beliefs didn't seem possible, but to you, it just seemed right. Your white dress sparkled like the stars in certain lighting — your father made sure he spared no expense, for his only daughter had stained red with your union. The blood had seeped into the fabric and turned a murky red-brown colour, which you could not salvage, but you did not care. The Valyrian traditions so strange, so otherworldly to you were something which you now partook in. The Godswood you had prayed to did not cross your mind, instead you thought to the gods of old Valyria, how the once prosperous city had crumbled and how you would not allow your own marriage to do so. Compromise was needed, and you would more than compromise for Aemond, to feel his touch upon you, to feel his warmth.

However, it felt good, it felt good to finally be as one, to have each other, to finally feel wanted. The corset was slowly becoming looser as Aemond's not so skilled hands helped you out of the dress. You had not once felt insecure in his presence but being so bare before your husband had left you feeling a certain way. Never once had you been before a man and you were scared. Scared you'd feel judged, scared that you would not be enough for him.

"We don't need to..." Aemond hadn't found the right words yet but you knew what his intention was.

"Do you not want to?"

"I want you, badly. I fear you are not ready yet, and I would not like to put you in the position where you could come to resent me."

"I doubt I could ever resent you... But I would like to take it slowly, to see where the night leads us, if we do or... do not, it is our decision and nobody shall take it away from us."

so i didn't actually use the vows in the show but i feel like pledging yourself and your own words instead of a priest works out well? i also researched this a bit and apparently you don't actually need a priest? just somebody who knows how to do the ceremony. i also used a valyrian translator so if anything in the language feels... off please tell me. thank u for reading this fic! again feedback would be appreciated but u don't need to give it, the next instalment will be posted in exactly a week (wed, 15th)! cross posted on ao3 under the name hedonism! this fic was reformatted on 7th april 2023

[lazaruspiss]

sladedicktalia??????? i am LISTENING

there's like. 5 fics. im so starved. i think theyre so hot and funny together!! im obsessed. also this got long so im adding a readmore. whoops.

SlaDick: classic enemies to lovers. they may try to kill each other half the time but they respect each other more than anyone else. OBSESSED with each other, Slade knows he's weird about Dick and couldn't care less but Dick is so in denial about it. they could both give explicit consent but be so antagonistic about it that it becomes unclear if "yes i want to have sex with you" is actually code for "die right now" and i think that's beautiful.

SladeTalia: they fucked! in canon! there was some bullshit plotline where Talia tried to give Slade Damian and pretend he was his son instead! ex fuck buddies who show up just to make each other's lives harder bc they wanna fuck so bad it makes them have stupid brain. also they're both hot as hell. i'm weak for big strong milf/dilf idk idk.

DickTalia: LISTEN TO ME. TALIA WOULD TREAT HIM RIGHT. THEY BOTH KNOW HOW EMOTIONALLY DEVASTATING IT IS TO LOVE BRUCE. LISTEN TO M- ok aside from that. Talia is someone who tried so hard to be good, to choose to be kind. She loved Bruce because she saw how hard he tried to do good in the world. Her character has gotten considerably colder over time, in huge part due to a certain writer writing about her despite knowing nothing about her, but in universe i try and rationalize it as a growing cynicism stemming from both her father's gradually increasing cruelty and Bruce's failure to support her or commit to her or to even just respect her. She hasn't been shown to have very many people in her life who she can really trust and be close to. She used to have a good relationship with Ra's, she used to have Bruce, she's even lost Damian at this point. She feels like such a lonely character to me. And I think Dick would be able to see that, be able to understand it better than most. He's always had people who loved him, people he could turn to, but he's also ended up perpetually isolated for one reason or another. Dick and Talia both feel to me like characters who are so lonely the further they get in their lives. I could see a silent understanding there. The kind of people who would be able to find solace in simply sharing a space with each other. Neither of them like to talk about what they've been through, I think they'd like to have someone who just gets it. Trauma for trauma, you know?

SlaDickTalia: several angles available here.

1) Dick deserves some sexy older lovers who would wine and dine him and also rail him within an inch of his life and also kill for him. i am not immune to the aesthetics!! to the allure of a hot older duo double teaming their young spitfire partner!!!

2) corruption arc. u know u wanna.

3) Dick's fear of abandonment x the 2 most devoted people on the planet. if they were dating nothing bad would happen to Dick again, Slade and Talia just wouldn't allow that. smth smth, couldn't get rid of them if he tried <3

4) Bruce would hate it and that's always fun :3 not that that's hard tho, Babs is like the only one of Dick's partners that Bruce liked and that's bc he wants to keep it in the family.

5) healing.... sobs...... esp when it comes to feelings around parenthood. Those three have shit to work out and i think having some company would help.

6) They all need more people time but 2/3 of them don't get along with anybody so they're kinda stuck with Dick. that kid will forgive anybody if u bat ur eyelashes and behave well enough. He's also more likely to still see them as people despite everything they've been through, and when you're a military experiment and a semi immortal daughter of an immortal terrorist... It can be hard to find someone who looks at you like you still have a chance at humanity.

7) Slade and Talia playing a Cat Vs Dog type game with Dick in the middle. I think it's funny.

[strqyr]

i've been debating for a while now whether to write this or not. it's a bit... a lot more personal than i'm used to, but with V9: Beyond being nearer and nearer, i'm finding myself to be lacking the spark and excitement for new RWBY content that i'm used to have. for that reason, i've been doing some thinking, trying to nail down where the difference lies, and i think i finally figured it out:

the ending of V9, specifically how they handled ruby's arc.

[tw: suicide, if you decide to continue reading]

before i get any further, i want to lay down some "backstory": about two weeks before V9 started airing, i lost my beloved dog to an illness after fighting for her life for two weeks. those two weeks were a roller coaster straight out of hell, thinking the medicine given were working, only for things to get worse; and through it all, all i could think of was that if she didn't make it through the year, neither would i.

but then, afterwards, in some weird twist of fate, when every part of me wanted to stay in bed and never get up, it was her, my dog, that kept me going, simply because through the last couple of years of her life, she had slept the mornings in my bed, with me, with 1pm being the time she'd force me out of bed if i ever stayed in that late... and that following morning—or more like day lol—after her death, i happened to look at my phone, see the clock be around 1pm, knowing i had a choice to make.

and i got up. have every single day, way before 1pm, to keep part of her alive and with me.

so, perhaps needless to say, but ruby's arc in V9 hit close. i had enough time in-between to not be in middle of the worst of it, but i suppose not as enough as i thought, as not only did i lose some of the spark i had for this show, but i'm also still crying now while writing this.

for the duration of the show, the burden on ruby had been growing stronger and stronger. from being called special due to her silver eyes, to all her friends placing their trust in her leadership, believing that somehow, she always knew what the right thing to do was, to never quite feeling she could be open about her own doubts as a leader, having no one to talk to... V9 started out great. i was excited, for the first time in a long while, for the direction they were taking ruby in.

and everything seemed to be going great. all the issues, trauma, et al that ruby was holding in were slowly seeping over, until it all burst open, explosively, and she ran away; and with all of this and more thrown against her by neo, ruby drank the tea, not wanting to be herself anymore.

...then came the aftermath of her ascension, and it's here, where the writers lost me.

"you're broken! you break everything you touch! i call humans... weak! confused! incomplete!" the cat says, and it's hard to say they're entirely wrong; ruby has been broken, she has had her weak moments, she has been confused, and that's okay.

but her teammates, her friends, her sister, don't seem to think so.

the cat is wrong. ruby has never been any of those things, and that's exactly why they follow her.

like it was more important to prove the antagonist of the volume wrong, rather than offer genuine support to ruby by saying that it is okay to be broken and confused, and for her to have her weak moments because that's why they're there; to support her in good and bad. to make it clear to ruby that she can come to them and air her doubts and concerns without a fear of being shutdown, that they, too, will work on themselves to be better friends in that regard.

but that's not what happened, and even without properly registering it at the time, it felt like a punch to the gut.

during the roundtable discussion of this episode, the writers talked about ruby's arc being about impostor syndrome and i just... can't see it. not with the way they build it up. it's like a switch was flicked, and when before the problem was the burden that was solely placed on ruby's shoulder and how it was too much for her to handle on her own, now ruby ever doubting herself in the first place was the problem, and all she needed to hear was that she was perfect just the way she was; "retrospective" is not a known word here.

and for the first time, even if i do have some critiques over handling of certain storylines, i felt like what was delivered was not what was ordered. at all. and with the vague content warnings in front of episodes, it started to feel like suicide was used for the "shock value" it could provide, to get people talking on social media, rather than because the writers wanted to treat it with the seriousness it deserves.

maybe that's unfair to say; i certainly don't know their intentions. frankly i don't know the people who work on this show at all, and i've stayed far from forming any parasocial relationships to pretend otherwise. all i have is my own feelings about this, ones that i've gone over multiple times, going through episodes, seeing if there's something that i've missed that would make it make sense... i've done my due diligence, and this is the result.

this is not the end: i still love RWBY, the characters, the world and its lore... but some of the trust i had for the writers has definitely gone, as has of the spark that ensured the excitement i had for new episodes and content to the point that i'd be right here, on my seat, ready the moment a new episode dropped.

now if the birbs show up—

[fantasylover145]

Whilst, I'm glad that Bobby is going to come face to face with one of the survivors of what happened to his family and see Eddie actually grieve and get closure, we've dealt with Bobby and his grief for the last six or so seasons. Plus, we had an entire season of Eddie going to therapy and getting better, I'm just kinda sad to see more Eddie angst, i just want him happy. And I love Eddie and I am glad he will finally deal with his grief and get closure, stop looking at the past with rose coloured glasses and move forward to have healthier and happier relationships. Despite this storyline really creeping me out a little, it's still vital for his health and recovery.

However, I honestly want more main storylines to focus on Chimney, Athena and Hen. I feel like they give a lot of the big long storylines to the white main characters (Maddie, Bobby & Buck). I definitely do want Buck to have a breakdown after all the shit that he has been through, but it looks like we're never going to get that. Since the writers always brush off his trauma like it doesn't matter, just so they can put him through more. I want him to get the therapy he actually needs and focus on his passive suicidal and self harm tendencies due to his childhood emotional neglect. Buck needs to actually deal with how he feels like he has to keep giving pieces of his body away to feel worthy and that if he isn't doing something for someone he's worthless, since he was born to save people, which could really affect how he views his relationships as conditional. Also, I would love a possible ADHD diagnosis storyline that would be amazing, since that would be so important to show people getting diagnosed later on in life and the negative affects that can have on them, their relationships and their health.

But mainly, I want to see more of Athena dealing with the trauma that comes with the job, how the kidnapping of Harry affected her, her grief and devastation of losing her first love. I'm so glad we got to see her finding out what happened to that little girl, but we need more storylines focused on her. I loved that storyline where she was finding the rapist, how badass she was, but also the terror, the fear and intensity. Hated that she got hurt, that will always be one of the most painful moments for me.

But I need it to focus on her not on Bobby and how Bobby felt about her going back to work, I hated when he lied to her and sympathised with a women who purposely drove drunk with her child in the back and then basically said it was payback for not discussing returning to work. Also, I want to see her adjusting to her job and the new intense fear she has of losing her kids, her calling them because she had a nightmare or as soon as she hears about a child being kidnapped because she needs the reassurance that they are okay. I need more of Athena going on her journey with therapy. Moreover, I want her to heal and I would love to show her and Bobby connecting over losing the first love of their lives and her remembering him.

Furthermore, I need more of Hen actually dealing with the traumatic stuff that happens to her at work. They put Hen through not ONE but TWO separate occasions of different people dying and her being accused of wrongdoings because of it and it not being her fault. We got one ep of her dealing with the car crash in therapy but that was it?! And then they brought up old wounds with that guy dying at the scene after he refused care and people made her think it was her fault AGAIN and we're supposed to move on?! Like neither of those were her fault, I wish they made it clearer to her. I wish Chimney stood by her more because he was the only one that actually saw everything and KNEW the patient refused care and that you can't force it on them. I wish we got to see her struggle with trusting her judgement more and how that trauma affected her. Her dealing with that in therapy, her thinking maybe it's a pattern. Also, I'd like to see her dealing with how she got shot when she was younger, her relating to both Eddie and Bobby and how that changed her life.

I fucking hate that they are forcing everyone to forgive their shitty family. So I really want to see more of how Chimney grew up, if he stayed with the Lee's whilst his mother was going through cancer treatment, what he felt when he realised his father completely abandoned his mother to die alone, how he probably felt like an orphan. I want to see how his dad could possibly make up for all of that, I want Chimney to get the space he deserves to say decades worth of anger and resentment and have his dad actually listen, more than we already have. I'm so glad he wasn't at the wedding but I'm sad Albert wasn't, I wish we got to see more of how similar Albert and Chim are. I find it so hilarious that they are both terrible liars, I wish we got more brotherly bonding moments and maybe Chimney helping Albert find his place in the world, even if it's not firefighting.

I love Bobby but honestly after him having SEVEN seasons of basically the same storyline over and over again, I am a bit tired of it. I know it's realistic and shows a natural progression of grief, trauma, addiction recovery and finding new triggers. I'm not saying it's not important or trying to devalue the storyline, but there are also other really important stories that could be told, especially with the main poc characters! The others don't get as much recognition and they so deserve everything and more!! They don't get to grieve over SEVEN seasons for the loved ones they have lost, they don't get the same treatment and I wish they would.

[poisonedspider]

This is just my 'safe place' (ironic since it's full of demons and sinners haahahaha) so I just need to vent a bit. But I'll put it under a trigger warning for drama, cancel culture, blocking, whining, whatever else you want to say. It is against no one in particular, for the record!

I just hate that I legit have PTSD from Tumblr fandoms. Like. That sounds silly, but it's true - and I can say it's true, as a therapist, because I meet all the criteria. And I've talked to my own therapist about it (which is kind of just....sad me thinks). Like. I am a big believer in this is your space and make it how you want. Curate it how you want. This is a hobby, you owe no one, blah blah. Yet I still always go into full blown panic mode when someone blocks me out of nowhere. Especially when we were either a) having great reactions and nothing out of the ordinary seemed to happen or b) we had yet to interact but wanted to and suddenly...nope.

Like if I didn't have the PTSD behind it, I'd still be sad. I adore writing. I adore storytelling. I want to create with every single person on here. But it wouldn't send me into this absolutely distressing DREAD. The fear the rumors are being spread about me again. (If you ever need/want to know what happened in past fandoms, my inbox is always open, but I can tell you that as of January 2023 so literally a whole ass year ago, the person apologized directly to me *I have every screenshot trust me I made sure to cover my ass so fast* and took down the faked call out). The fear that people still believe those rumors. The fear the people see the name 'Strode' and immediately block because they heard something that was just never true. The fear that I'm going to wake up to anons in my askbox telling me to k*ll myself again, or see the 400+ reblogs of hate against me saying scum like me shouldn't be on this website.

And honestly? Even if that stuff had been true (again, it wasn't, and I'm....so annoyed and hurt by it all but - ) that was still A YEAR AND A HALF AGO. Do people not change? Or are they not given the ability to? Tumblr can be so whack in how it crucifies people and does not allow room for growth. So at the end of the day, it's hard for me to see a block as 'innocent.' It could be ANYTHING. Maybe I post too much ooc. Share too much fanart. Didn't reply in enough time. Who hecking knows, right? It could be literally anything. Hell, maybe I'm interacting with someone they don't want to see. But because of my trauma, it always comes down to fear. Fear of what do people think I did. Why am I the bad guy now. What is going to make me scared to survive in this fandom as well.

This is all very much Benadryl/Mucinex inspired but....I like to share my thoughts. I think it can be helpful for someone to see and be like "I needed to hear this, because I have felt this way too." To realize people aren't alone. Because in October 2022, I felt the loneliest in my life due to 'cancel culture'. To watching my followers drop from 600 something down to 142 (no joke). To realizing I spent some of the last moments I would have with my grandma before she stopped remembering who I was crying about fictional people who suddenly hated me over night.

Sometimes it makes me scared to sleep. Not knowing what I'll wake up to. Not knowing who I'll lose next that I've grown to care about. I guess just know that you all matter to me, more than just a hobby. I see you as friends. I care about your days. And if you were to disappear, I'd be worried sick.

Again, no shame about blocking. But at the end of the day, a 'block' can have a lot more impact than I think people realize.

(Also haaaa the fact that I got an inbox message right as I was typing this and my heartrate peaked so quickly then I saw it was just aracniss like lol for some reason that's hysterical because that brotherly shit WOULD happen just to mess with Angie).

[staarry-skies]

— usagis jealousy during bmc, and if it really is just that? a meta

(read more bc i anticipate this getting very long)

before we talk about bmc lets set the stage a bit: usagi has just defeated the dark kingdom no more than a week ago (its unclear how much time passes btwn the two arcs but i can’t imagine its longer than a week, or even a couple days, as we see usamamo exchange their keepsakes at the end of act 14, something they promised they’d do the next time they saw each other during act 8, which means that this must be the first time theyve seen each other since defeating the dark kingdom, which again, i cant imagine took longer than a couple days) which means she has just experienced: watching her boyfriend die in front of her, being overloaded with a host of tragic memories from her past life (one of them including watching her boyfriend die and killing herself), her boyfriend getting brainwashed, having to kill her boyfriend because there was no getting through to him, killing herself due to the aforementioned trauma, and finally finding out her friends died— sacrificing themselves for her to bring her back. so thats all Crazy we can agree that is crazy for a 14 year old girl to go through? right? okay? good.

now that we’ve agreed on that can you imagine a little girl falling out of a large portal in the sky then threatening you with a GUN (fake sure but she didnt know that originally) and demanding you hand over the overpowered magical artifact you JUST endured all that trauma trying to protect? and then that same girl brainwashes your family? obviously usagi isnt going to trust chibiusa right away. i mean look at what she’s working with, and then when she tries to bring up these concerns no one believes her. i mean sure WE as the audience know chibiusa isnt a threat, and the others think she isnt because they cant see a little girl as particularly threatening but when you look at things from usagis perspective, then OBVIOUSLY she’d be suspicious— i mean she repeatedly refuses to answer any sort of questions (obviously this is not chibiusas fault, shes a scared child and the questioning terrifies her further, but again, think about this from usagis perspective). and again id like to reiterate that all of this is directly after the dark kingdom, usagi hasn’t had any time to heal from those fresh fresh emotional scars Of Course she’s a bit irrational.

now, to the topic at hand, was usagis jealousy really just that? regular jealousy at seeing mamoru spending time with someone who isnt her (even if the person in question was a small child that logically posed no threat to her relationship)?

obviously i dont think so, but let me prove to you its not just simple irrational jealousy but also usagis ptsd and specifically her abandonment issues that are what cause her to react in the way she does.

again, id like to remind the jury of the shit usagi has just gone through and how that all has caused usagi to develop some very serious abandonment issues. we see usagis worst fear(s) represented in nightmare sequences a handful of times throughout the series. exactly twice actually, once in infinity and once in dream and each have the shared theme of her loved ones leaving her in some way. in infinity they turn against her and berate her before ultimately dying, and in dream they’re simply dead. again both times it is very clear that the root of what she fears is abandonment.

these abandonment issues however, first begin to present themselves in arc 2. we even get a nightmare sequence in arc 2 similar to those of arcs 3&4. most interpret this as usagi just being jealous usagi. however really look at it, its not that she’s just afraid of mamoru being taken away by chibiusa, she’s afraid of them both abandoning her. look at what she says “wait! where are you going? dont leave me behind!” (or “wait! where are you going? dont leave me here!” in the eternal edition, i prefer the crystal translation simply because it makes it more explicit her issue is them leaving her alone) if it truly truly was an issue of jealousy why would she be afraid of them both leaving her behind? why say something like that? wouldnt it make more sense to say something like…. i dunno “chibiusa? dont take him from me!” instead?

once again, everything she goes through in arc 1 is a big contributor in this, however recall arc 2 begins with the senshi being picked off one-by-one (all except minako), and usagi can do nothing but watch and it eats her up inside. she quite literally begins to lose everyone dear to her all over again even while the last time is still so fresh in her mind.

and during most of this what does chibiusa do? she stays secretive, doesnt give usagi any information even when usagi tells her she cant trust her if she doesnt. (again i wanna reiterate that this is no fault of chibiusas however its not usagis fault either) so of course usagi begins to register chibiusa as a threat, and again with the information she has + her inarguable connection to the black moon clan this isnt a logical leap in the slightest.

thus when mamoru begins to spend more time with chibiusa instead of her it causes two things to happen. a) usagi is left without the emotional support she desperately needs in all of this (through no fault of mamoru, he completely misreads what usagi needs in this particular situation, he thinks that by helping with chibiusa it’ll ease her stress to have one less thing off her plate, however of course we know this does the opposite) and b) she begins to register chibiusa as a genuine threat to mamorus safety. usagis terrified of losing him all over again when she just got him back. look at this scene, i mean really truly look at it. look at what usagis saying, this doesnt sound like the ramblings of a jealous girlfriend it sounds like someone who’s terrified of losing their most important person all over again. “stay here with me. never go away. ill do everything i can to protect you…” (or “…i wanna be with you. dont go away. ill protect you with everything i have” in crystal, here i prefer the eternal edition again bc i think it more explicitly defines usagis problem) these lines just don’t make sense under the simple jealousy interpretation, what does protecting him have anything to do with envy at the time hes spending with chibiusa and not with her? nothing. shes not upset at that, she puts emphasis on protecting him because thats the true root of the problem, shes afraid of losing him again to yet another supernatural threat after the crystal.

and to close out id like to show everyone the viz dub version of this scene because i think it sums up my points incredibly well, as well as making it abundantly clear what the root of usagis problems Really are, specifically through the inclusion of the line “i wont lose you again”

[celestialmancer]

☁️ // 3:04 am, tbd ;

More low filter bs

Kind of wonder sometimes if I’d feel as much shame as I do towards rambling off abt nsfw ish or nsfw topics w my ocs or doing ramblings of that sort involving them if it weren’t for the… things I went through + the way I had to deal with being shamed due to the trauma responses I ended up with as a result of said experiences ig

& also if it hadn’t been for the ex friend of mine who was emotionally abusive to me for 4 years (i met her @ 13/14 & she was 21/22) & and anti-lgbt obsessive religious freak as well, seeing how she. Always was towards me about anything nsfw related? Like I remember she used to obsessively fixate on how engaging in any of those things meant you were disgusting & sinful & letting the devil influence you, & how anyone who wrote or hc’ed or drew or rp’ed nsfw stuff was ppl who were disgusting or sinful & “wasting their talent on things the devil wants”

Along w how. Victim blame-y she was w matters of sexual harassment or worse

(…which all those things were… the worst possible thing to be around given what i was going through w/ M & other freaks online at t the time that i wont elaborate on)

& just. Idk. I know that while ive mostly reprocessed everything w her & how she was to where it doesn’t rly phase me to talk abt anymore, it doesn’t change the impact it left on me where I guess it played a role in how i’ve like. Always seen myself whenever i do wanna muse on more nsfw stuff w my ocs or rp or create nsfw content w them (& well other things online that were ✨traumatic ✨ that i wont say just kinda fueled all that even worse along w bs from religion in general & also—from how ppl reacted to trauma responses i had )

Always there’s shame in sorta approaching that for this reason—mind you its not the only reason, there’s a lot more to it, but still

& ig that might be another factor why i struggle to feel comfortable w approaching anyone i trust for anything nsfw related w ocs? & just leave it to others to approach me instead if they want so that way i dont feel like im being viewed in some neg way that im not, all over tryna approach over something like that, ig

I p much need an explicit “u can approach me abt this anytime” type of deal wrt nsfw oc stuff or else i just simply do not 💀 once again w the “needs explicitly being told x thing is fine or invited to do x thing or else i will not” that follows me in a lot of things wfsvdg just general self suppression? Ig

(Now admittedly, again, there’s more reason to why i do that other than just religion & a lot of it is an intense fear of accidentally crossing a line & also coming off a bad way + like, other things, that are deeply personal, but still)

…Ironic that im that way considering the spaces i have w friends & all but yeah.

But still. Idk. Ig i just wonder if id struggle w feeling ‘dirty’ or w/e still if it hadn’t been for that connection—probably still would all other things considered bc, ik those dirty feelings also—came from how ppl viewed me over, certain… things i went through & responses to it… but, maybe to a lesser degree or something … idk.

Had more to say but it slipped my mind, so.

[venting-town]

The thing about having BPD and schizoid at the same time is that they sometimes cancel each other out

When I was young ( before age 11-12 which is where I’m pretty sure I started developing schizoid ), I constantly had to make sure that people that I loved still cared about me

Even when I’d “ act out “ ( trauma responses ), I’d still want them to love me

I’d go between loving them deeply and then hating them deeply the second they did something that would hurt me ( or even if I just perceived them trying to hurt me )

I’d sometimes manipulate them/test their love for me to made sure they ACTUALLY cared about me

Eventually, around 11-12, I started not caring as much. Mind you, I DID of course still struggle with abandonment and betrayal and trust and etc, all the things people with bpd struggle with, but I’d force myself to try and “ get over it “ by using very self-destructive means

And it hurt. Trying to fight against something so ingrained into you ( fear of rejection/abandonment/betrayal/etc ), wanting those people who should’ve ALWAYS loved you and cared about you and protected you ( mine didn’t ), and then try to turn around and force yourself not to care about them. Force yourself to just ignore them, to give up on trying to get them to care about you or love you or understand you, even though you yearned for those things so deeply/badly for 10 years of your whole life.

It was unbearable. And yet, I continued. Because that’s what I needed to do to protect myself/survive, because nobody else was there for me

And I’m glad I hurt my family sometimes. And that’s okay. I’m glad I hurt God/Satan/demons/angels/reincarnations/spirits/souls/etc too sometimes.

Fuck the okay and not okay and justice and vengeance. I’m glad I hurt them ( not always but sometimes )

Sure. You could just assert that bpd and schizoid are two contradictory disorders so you can’t possibly have them, but you’d be wrong.

And I know I’m not the only one who has two seemingly impossible disorders to have at the same time.

Just because things are contradictory doesn’t mean that they can’t work together/you can’t have both. That’s not how things work. That’s not how the world/the universe/etc works

Of course it might sometimes not work like that. Other times it may work that way. Other times it’s both and other times it’s neither, etc etc

BUT, for the “ your supposed schizoid is actually just your autism “ thing, as I stated, before the age of 11/12 I DID want/need/yearned to be loved and cared about.

Yes, I LOVED having alone time ( because I was so frequently molested by others and also forced to be around people all the time ), but I still wanted to be around people I loved. I was also INCREDIBLY socially awkward ( and that’s not just due to my autism, it’s due to constantly having to shift between identities to match what others wanted or I’d get punished. I couldn’t even mingle with kids my own age because I was so used to having to “ be an adult “ due to grooming/enmeshment/parentification/etc ).

And yet, I still wanted to have friends and wanted people to love me

As I get past 11/12, I started caring less and less about others “ love “, and started getting really pissed off when they’d occasionally try to show me love. I secluded myself more often and didn’t want to be around people I loved.

Mind you, I still ( at the same time ) would fear abandonment/rejection/etc, but it became more easier to ignore the more I forced myself not to care

Of course, it’s not just about not forcing myself to care. It was a mix of “ I need to make myself stop wanting love do I won’t get hurt “ and “ I literally cannot keep forcing myself to love others because it requires so much sacrifice/energy that I don’t have “

Nowadays ( and for the past few years ) I honestly can’t say that I care for my family. I’m not saying that I don’t care at all, I’m just indifferent 99% of the time, and that’s okay

I mean, yes, I DO feel love towards them sometimes, but if you gave me choices between staying secluded from my family the rest of my life vs only occasionally going to visit my family, I’d choose the first option with ( almost ) 0 qualms

[flingmetothemoon]

Hello again, do you have any cute Sonikal Headcanon’s?

Oh hi there! Are you the same Anon who asked about the first kiss? I already appreciate your cute asks! As for your cute Sonikal headcanons, well I have come up with alot of them throughout the years so lemme see what I can do…

~~~~~~~Cute Sonikal headcanons~~~~~~~~

-Here's my possible explanation to the question that has always remained a mystery to me ever since I heard it: Even though she never once introduced herself to him, how did Sonic know Tikal's name? Shortly after Tikal's sacrifice and the birth of Angel Island. The echidna temple was rebuilt to serve as a shrine dedicated to the incident told by witnessing survivors (Makes sense because the temple is inspired by the famous Mayan temple of Tikal). During his early adventure days after meeting Knuckles, Sonic first explored the abandoned Mystic Ruins and heard about the story of a tragedy that fell upon the ancient echidna clan due to the warmongering chief's selfishness and greed and how his daughter sealed herself and the monster in the Master Emerald to stop the destruction.

-Using his ability to channel the M.E.'s power to show people/objects held in the emerald, Knuckles shows Sonic the echidna girl. (Chaos isn't seen because Tikal trapped him in her blue water ring to secure extra escape prevention) Despite essentially being fridged, Tikal actually isn't frozen or disempowered. (She mostly just sleeps when there's nothing else to do) She can still channel the M.E.'s power, transport people/objects and communicate to people And even told Sonic not to rescue her because she fears the destruction that could occur again if she and Chaos were to be set free without plan B.This makes Sonic sad and he often thinks about her even if he doesn't admit it to Tails and Amy. He can't imagine how much Tikal had to sacrifice to stop Chaos from destroying the rest of the world – her freedom, her old friends and family, her opportunity to enjoy life without watching her home turn into a war zone just so everyone else can enjoy those privileges. Not only does she remind him of someone he vaguely remembers in the past, but he also knew what it was like to be confined into stasis for a long period of time due to a tragedy, except she had to go through this ALOT longer. He wants to save her so badly. 😢

-Sonic’s most challenging yet rewarding battle after SA1 is Perfect Chaos. There's not a whole lot to be afraid of when he's basically an invincible Super Saiyan who can easily beat Eggbutt’s robots on a regular basis, but what makes Chaos a unique rival to Sonic before Shadow is the fact that not only is he literally a body of one of his weaknesses: Water, (The fact he is powerful enough to trap him in water and drown him if he can sure as heck doesn't help) but he initially viewed him as another one of those baddies of the week he'll simply kick the butt of as usual, but Tikal, the girl Sonic wanted to help out the most, showed him Chaos was actually that once kind, gentle monster from that historical incident she had to suffer to tame. It was pretty scary for Sonic to tame a literal water God with a whole flood around him, but boy it  was worth it! Now he can rest reassured that Tikal and the calmed down water creature found peace again and can start a new happier life. Now he just makes sure she gets the comfort and new friends and adventures she might need to heal from her trauma at any opportunity he gets.

-Sonic is one of the few modern friends of hers Tikal trusts the most to have a listening ear when she wants comfort when she feels down from her memories of her old life and family she lost so the pain and sorrow inside her wouldn't consume the qualities that made her lovable amongst her former people: Love, joy, kindness & hope. Ever since that day, Sonic was the light to her gloomy darkness. Thanks to him, Tikal doesn’t have to fridge herself or Chaos for another 5000+ years until another madman comes and uses Chaos as a weapon of destruction, she can now have a chance to live a more happier, peaceful life, make herself a new home, make new friends, have new adventures, have more freedom and even be a new hero alongside her light. Tikal is anointed as the new chieftain of her new friends one day much to her surprise and dismay because she now associates a chieftain with her father, who used his position of power to harm others. But Sonic and his other friends reassures her that she'll be a fine chieftain and use her position of power to do good instead of bad, to help those in need and advocate for peace and harmony.

-Even when away from each other, Sonic and Tikal still find ways to communicate with each other from long distances due to their interesting telepathy ability and their creative ways of communicating to the emeralds, particularly when they are relaxing at the end of the day and they don't have anything else to do or anyone else to talk to. Due to their connection to the emeralds’ energy, they can also feel each other's energy when touching each other and feeling a certain emotion. When one is stressed and another is calm and touches the stressed one, the calm, positive energy transmits into the stressed one, and they also calm down. Sonic (Even though he doesn't want to admit it due to him not normally being a physical touchy kind of person) and Tikal likes to hug and hold hands for a reason.

-Tikal didn't really get to explore the world outside of her home place in her life. So for their dates, Sonic takes her to explore a new fun adventure and try new things, whether it's beautiful scenery or a new cuisine. Tikal has a high spice tolerance and loves chili peppers, not only does she like chili dogs as much as Sonic does, maybe it's not spicy enough to her and she often tries to make it spicier by using spices and/or hot sauce. Both her and Sonic often have fun eating spicy food together and watching their less spice tolerant friends suffering. 😂 And they also like to hang out at beaches and the sunflower field of course. They also like to spend a quiet peaceful day together hanging out at a chao garden and parenting the chao as if they're their children. And although Sonic doesn’t want to swim for obvious reasons, he doesn’t mind joining in a pool where Tikal is swimming in long as he simply sits on a stair step where he can still feel a body of water on half of his body while knowing he can easily get out if he starts getting uncomfortable. He surprisingly finds pure peace and serenity when he just chills that way.

-Tikal also sometimes joins Sonic in defending small, helpless critters from Eggman. She despises that guy ever since he fueled her closest friend's anger and used him as a weapon of destruction. Just imagine how she would feel about him when she learns he also takes small, helpless, innocent critters and uses them as machine batteries and pollutes the environment around them. She would not kill him, but she will wreck his replaceable machine's good with her gymnastic warrior moves and her newfounded spiritual powers she can get creative with. Forming orbs with her hands? Fling them as bombs. Wanna create a spiritual border to trap Eggman to keep him from causing trouble? Call this girl. Summoning lightning? Causing stunning earthquakes with a slam of a palm?  Hydrokinesis? Shovel claw whenever Knuckles isn't using it? She got it. Mix that with Sonic’s speed, boosts, spindashes strong enough to create underground tunnels, his super form and whirlwind forming and you sure get one heck of a power couple that gives even Superman and Wonder Woman a run for their money. Whirlwind + Water = Waterspout

-It took a while for these two to decide to get married due to their own things to do and their own issues to work on. But when Tikal finally uses her position as the new chieftain to propose to Sonic with a golden ring, they come up with a very creative wedding ceremony idea that fits for both of their personalities. Both are a bit introverted, but also like to spend time with their friends and make them feel included in the happy memories, But they're also worried about how Amy would react to Sonic marrying someone who is not her. So for their wedding day, they hosted a “fancy party" and put on a dress and tuxedo respectively, but didn't make them look too obviously like wedding gowns. They had fun food and dancing as usual, but Sonic and Tikal sneaked their vows and the kiss the bride ritual when everyone else isn't looking and then he'll bridal-carry her and run into the night to their honeymoon. Their interactions after their marriage aren’t even that different from their normal interactions. Yes, there’s a few kisses and cuddles here and there (They prefer to kiss and cuddle in isolated areas where it's more intimate for them), but they mostly just keep doing what they’ve been doing.

Welp, that’s all I can think of without letting you wait for my answer for much longer. I hope you enjoy reading my headcanons. Cya next time!