#trigger for Major Character death

[not-your-babyy13]

📚 <3

hello lovely 💜

Okay, so this is a fic that I have been daydreaming about and writing on the side for quite some time now, and one day I hope to share it. but:

It's a fic based on the San Junipero episode of Black Mirror. In the future, a simulated reality becomes available for those who are elderly/dying. Although apprehensive of partaking in the trial of the simulated reality, Lexi uses it as a chance to see Fez once again, who because of his injuries sustained during the raid went into an irreversible coma and was eventually uploaded into the system.

[twstbookclub]

Petals of Poison

TW: Blood and major character death/s

Summary: Hanahaki Disease. Taking innocent, unrequited love and crushing the life of the unfortunate. This is not a happy story. Don't expect a good ending. POV: 2nd Pronouns: Gender neutral Admin/Writer: Kai⚔️ Tags: Epel Felmier, hanahaki disease, star tear disease, heavy angst Word count: 2,958

Being 100% truthful... I cried writing this, and I got super depressed after lol. I've never done Hanahaki disease as a trope but I've read about it. I've only heard about Star Tear disease and it's very rare to use, but it's a sister trope to Hanahaki.

The person afflicted with Star Tear will cry stars, and slowly become blind, but it isn't like Hanahaki where the affected goes back to normal. No. The person keeps the damage.

I hope you all enjoy this Epel angst and trust me, this is still pretty light, even with a character death. This one didn't take me too long but it took a lot of planning and adding, truly one of my proudest works.

Petals of red carnations and aster spilled onto Epel’s hand on such a bright morning, the sun shining through his windows and lighting up his room beautifully. His face looked shocked and panicked, but he wasn’t in an urge to figure out what was wrong. He dropped the petals out of his hand and saw a small splatter of blood in his palm, but once again, no immediate reaction. He only sighed and got ready for his morning.

It was never like this, but not uncommon to one’s knowledge, either. In this world, magic and myth were big things, and the Isle of Sages was no stranger. Recently, the town had been talking about cases of victims who had recently passed away due to unnatural causes. Unnatural, being that their lungs were filled with roots and flowers, marking their deaths as undetermined in autopsy reports. 

Rumors had been circulating that these victims were in love with others, but never received the love back, then were found dead just days later with the same scenes as the others. The Isle began to find death as common as finding a penny on the ground, but still as tragic as ever for these young lives. Epel could be the next.

He did have someone he loved, but being in the same year as you meant nothing. You barely looked at him, only hung out together when he was invited, and you were completely out of his league. Not even close.

This had started months ago. Epel had met you at the mirror chamber on orientation day, and he became pretty curious. You weren’t from this world, yet you looked like you fit right in, too. You were quiet and confused, which he found interesting, but he would only see you from afar for now.

He was finally able to get close to you, but his attention was easily taken when Deuce started calling him a girl. At that moment, he heard your laugh. It was a beautiful sound that he had no idea would bless his ears the way it did.

One day, you came into the Pomefiore dorm, catching them teaching him about proper tea etiquette and rules. When Rook corrected him, he quickly grew embarrassed and stuttered slightly before fixing himself, hoping that you hadn’t seen him mess up. He didn’t need you to not find him able. He wanted you to like him.

Coming back from winter break, Epel hadn’t stopped thinking about you for any moment of the day. He began to doubt if you liked him, especially after seeing him mess up during classes and after-school clubs. As soon as he arrived back, he was met with more flight training and prim etiquette.

He was running through campus while trying to run away from his housewarden and vice-housewarden, not exactly caring where he was running. Suddenly, Epel felt a hard chest and fell over with a loud wham to the ground. He could only sniffle and rub his head from the pain. When Epel looked up, he saw your eyes on him in concern, and he felt himself become frozen, frustrated with himself about the situation before him. 

Deuce offered to help him, but Epel looked away and mumbled “dagnabit” under his breath. The other first-year grew confused and repeated what Epel had said, but Felmier felt embarrassed for looking so pathetic in front of you. Before Deuce knew it, Epel ran off and disappeared just as quickly as he appeared.  You were left with confusion and questions but didn’t pay much attention to it once he was gone. 

Once he was gone and in a place where one could see him, he felt a slight clog in his throat and coughed, surprised to see a few petals of aster and white carnations fall onto the ground at his feet. “Flowers? What in the…” He whispered with a confused tone, and he didn’t know where this had even come from. 

Soon, he was singing to practice for the Song and Dance Championship behind some bushes, but he coughed and sighed when he couldn’t reach enough, causing some small petals to spill onto the grass. When he heard the voices of others, he perked up and turned around, his eyes landing on you. 

Did you hear that? Oh, for the love of the Seven, please tell me you didn’t hear that.

You only stared at him as he interacted with your friends, but the thought of you finding him in such a pathetic scene lingered in his mind. He didn’t need you to look at him and laugh, especially not after everyone else found him cute and small. After witnessing how his housewarden kicked the asses of the other first years, Epel took a glance at you before being dragged away into more practice.

As soon as he entered the door to Pomefiore, he covered his mouth and coughed up more petals, the sound grabbing the attention of Vil and a few others who were in the lounge. Aster and… Red carnations. This one was new, but his heart did ache. It ached with a pain that poked in his chest, yet the bright red mixed with the purple and pink petals of aster felt comforting.

He felt something for you. He knew you probably wouldn’t like someone as pathetic and hard-driven as he was, not with this small body and cute face. He couldn’t get his hopes up.

Epel had caught himself coughing these petals now and then, but on rare occasions, a few of them had blood spots, nothing too concerning. At the same time, more and more cases of citizens being found dead, surrounded by flowers and roots, were becoming big online. Everyone made this phenomenon have a name, Hanahaki Disease, and it was spreading like wildfire. 

No one could figure out its symptoms. Other’s tried, but would get shut down about their theories. One person, at least every week, was in the headlines about this. Police thought it was a serial killer laying down his victims in a beautiful way, and citizens thought it was karma towards the person who died.

Epel’s symptoms only got worse the more you were around him and looked at him. You spoke to him in such a kind way, treating him as your friend. He noticed that your uniform and face had different sizes and colors of stars. He found it cute and it suited you, at least in his eyes.

Right. Only a friend.

He kept his feelings hidden, and it was only right. Epel knew the situation, and he was okay with it. You didn’t belong in this world in the first place, nothing wrong there. He had a life and family waiting for him in his hometown. He had to get over this.

But the world gave him no time.

Crowley had summoned everyone to the mirror chamber to bid you farewell. You were leaving. No warning. No time. Something felt wrong, and Epel ran to be able to hug you first. Everyone surrounded you two after that. 

Epel heard a twinkling sound, so he looked at you and noticed how small stars were on your cheeks. He was confused, what was even happening? He noticed these stars before, but they came from your eyes this time? He couldn’t ask, not before Crowley had to break it up before the portal closed.

As you looked at everyone one more time, “Come back here soon!” Epel screamed, making everyone slowly begin to agree with him. Then, you left. That was it. Your presence was there, but not your body or soul.

It was a moment of sorrows and grief, which only equaled to Epel coughing up blood-spattered petals of marigolds and purple hyacinth flowers into a napkin. He could tell that this was getting worse, but what in the world could he even do?

Epel spent that night trying to distract himself by researching everything he could about this Hanahaki Disease, coughing up occasional petals. He had found a few stories of victims who survived the disease, reading about how the symptoms stopped after they got together with the person that they loved. 

Reading more about how it got worse if one believed that the other didn’t like them back, but after a certain point, even thinking about the person they loved made the symptoms dire. There was no natural cure, at least not from what was written, but Epel did find something.

Surgery.

Getting surgery to make it go away. 

No.

That’s all Epel needed to read. He wanted nothing else about that subject to come up. It was absurd, even for the most desperate of people. Brain surgery to make the symptoms go away, but you’d forget about all the feelings you felt for the person. He could never, not when it was about you. 

Suddenly, he became curious. The scene from earlier crossed his mind.

Why does someone cry stars?

He searched it up, but… Nothing. Unknown. Sites to just people boasting about how their tears have the sparkle of stars, but it wasn’t the same. You had the shape of stars coming out of your eyes, and they were beautiful.

Epel sighed and shut his phone off. He didn’t need to see anything else for the rest of the night.

For a few weeks, the campus was in an awkward atmosphere due to your leaving, but soon enough, everyone began going back to normal. Not Epel, though. He missed you the most when he sat on his bed after school. He constantly thought about how you could be doing and wondered if you were ever thinking of him. 

He began to smile while thinking about you, remembering every moment he did get to save with you. His birthday, campus traditions, especially being there to watch him perform for the Song and Dance Championship. Thinking about everything made him suddenly gag and the next thing he knew, a pool of blood and different petals were at his feet.

His eyes were wide, but he vomited more blood, less petals. The puddle was red but cluttered with red and white carnations, mixes of purple and pink aster, yellow daffodils, and violet-blue salvia. This was the worst that his condition had gotten. Epel fell back and clutched his chest, trying to breathe silently but with enough force to get himself back on track. It was a silent night after that.

Time would come to take their youth, and before any of the first years knew it, it was graduation day. The day was bright and looking pretty on a day like that, and it kind of made the day better.

The ceremony had gone well, with old students coming back to congratulate and celebrate with the other students, and professors even admitting that they’d miss some students.

After all celebrations were over though, Epel stayed on the campus grounds, standing at the well that caused him the most time with you. He simply stared down the well, letting the sunset almost blind his vision. One memory of you caused a loud cough and blood to spill from his mouth, petals following after. 

It hurt. The pain grew worse than ever before. He’d rather suffer than forget the love he felt for you. His body was falling, faltering to keep itself up, and he landed on his back against the ground.

“The love I feel for you… Is so beautiful, but—” He whispered, petals of sweet peas falling from the sides of his mouth now as his coughs got shorter and harsher. “I can’t breathe.”

Epel could only clutch his chest as he tried to find the proper breathing pattern. He looked up at the sky and wiped the excess blood from his mouth. He smiled. Like he always did when he thought of you.

Epel could cry. He could feel it. You were so close. Just a little farther.

The sounds of struggling became quieter, and a bed of flowers grew. Cyclamens, sweet peas, heliotropes, white carnations, crimson roses, forget-me-nots, and black roses all grew from the ground. Its roots and vines surrounded the body of a recently graduated boy, who simply loved someone that he knew he couldn't have.

Epel looked like a charming prince with how peaceful he looked.

The world was cruel. Too cruel even.

Those young adults, now grown up, were gathered in a reserved restaurant. They all stood up when they heard the door, Silver bringing you in.

You carried a white cane and carefully moved it around, your eyes staring forward with occasional blinks. Everyone knew the situation, but there was still a tension that you could feel by just sensing it.

Your irises were close to white but had a faint hue of your original eye color. You were blind. You had explained to everyone before that you had “Star Tear Disease”, which explained why you cried stars when you left the world of Twisted Wonderland that day.

It was rare. Only a few had it, and you were the unlucky one that did. You could feel everyone's eyes on you, but you smiled nonetheless. It had been years since you had last been with the boys, and you were quite excited to meet them again.

“I'm fine, guys. It's just a little impairment, but I'm still me.”

The room stayed quiet, and slowly, one by one, they all came up to let you touch their faces and reintroduce themselves. Ace tried making you laugh by contorting his face, but you hit his shoulder. “Hey! Quit that. I'll pull your ear if you keep doing it.”

Goofball as always.

Once everyone had a turn, you felt weird. Someone was missing, and you slowly made your way around the table. An empty chair.

“Who's missing?” You asked, clutching the arm of the chair.

Silence once again. No one wanted to tell you, so you remembered everyone to figure it out.

Your body froze as you realized it, but you could feel your heart drop. “Epel.”

Tension grew in the room again and you could hear a sigh, then followed by Leona. “He's dead.”

Whispers with the others calling out Leona for saying it, but he simply grew irritated with their lack of sense. “Oi, what the hell are we supposed to do, eh? Keep it from them? They're blind for Seven's sake!”

“You didn't have to say it so bluntly—” Followed Lilia, not wanting everything to become a problem.

“All of you, shut up!” You yelled, the starry tears forming in your eyes as you clutched the chair harder, digging your nails into the wood.

Everyone went mute. You couldn't even believe it. 

“How...” You whispered, the sound of twinkling from your tears filling the eerily quiet room. “How did he die and when?”

Deuce stood from his chair this time. “On our graduation day. He died of some… illness called Hanahaki Disease.” 

Your world was crumbling. Hanahaki Disease. You heard of it in your world. It was made of fiction, but who knew it'd be turned into reality. The same could be said for Star Tear Disease, but you developed it here, and it followed you into your world.

You let out a few tears as you kept thinking, your arms practically wrapped around the chair. “Who was the cause? One of you knows.”

Vil spoke as he moved closer, trying to be careful with you. “That part isn’t necessary for you to know—”

“It was you. Vil told us all after he died.” The gruff voice from Malleus filled the room with those three words, and they somehow sounded painstakingly beautiful. Vil’s breathing pattern changed once the truth was revealed. You knew those words were true.

“... Take me to his grave.” You asked after a short moment of silence, sounding like you were pleading, so they took you.

Standing in front of it now, you gently touched the tomb, then the texture of the cement, until your hands touched the lettering.

“E P E L   F E L M I E R”

It had his dates, a small obituary, and designs of apple trees. It all felt cool to the touch. You could only imagine it, but then you remembered that you brought something.

A flower bouquet. Baby's breaths, blue salvia, lavender roses, and cyclamens were composed neatly, you could feel it. Anything for him, especially since he meant so much.

“Hey Epel…” You whispered, kneeling down in front of the tomb. You took a breath and it was already hard, the disease making your eyes sting. “You know, you're the only one I didn't get to touch today.”

“I'm sure you look the same. You never changed.” You said with a smile, gently feeling the cold cement under your fingers. You heard his laugh in your ears, imagined his smile, and you felt a warmth on your hand. His warmth. You knew it.

At that moment, you began to cough really hard, blood spilling onto your hand and petals came out of your mouth. You were unfazed. You knew what this was. 

You set down the bouquet and moved to sit on top of his grave, leaning back against the tombstone as you felt a sharp pain around your ankles.

“Why didn't you tell me? I loved you too. That's unfair…” You whispered softly, feeling your eyes close as your breath struggled slightly.

“We could've survived together.” You said with a faint voice, your body becoming lifeless as your hands and ankles were tied down with vines.

Red roses, carnations, and aster grew on the vines. The twinkling of your tears filled the soundless cemetery, stopping with a drop of a star on your clothes.

[amberjazmyn]

already gone💔

pairing : logan sargeant x fem!sargeant reader

summary : for ages, logan's wife, adrienna sargeant had been extremely sick, going in and out of hospitals until she loses her physical battle after she had given up on her fight ages ago mentally.

warnings : character death, mentions of cancer, tears, loss of logan's wife

a/n : are we surprised that this is another recycled fic i wrote years ago for so many other people and now i'm writing it for logan? cause you shouldn't be surprised lol! and i've now decided that the drivers that have one or two one-shots, i'm gonna give them sad one-shots that are recycled until i get the inspo to finally start writing the request i was given a little bit ago now lol

remember all the things we wanted, now all our memories they're haunted. 

logan and his wife, adrienna, had planned to do so much together after only being married for just over a year, fourteen months. they planned on renovating their florida house in america or their house in england, trying for kids, and hopefully having those kids, to continue living together, travelling when formula one was in their off-season or doing promotion, making silly youtube videos together, the absolute lot. they had planned so much but now, these memories were just haunted and won't ever be experienced together. 

adrienna was sick, very sick, she had been in the hospital for the last couple of months due to intense chemotherapy, meaning she would be missing from some of the f1 races. and, it was utterly devastating for the newly married couple. adrienna was barely able to leave her hospital bed without feeling weak, dizzy or nauseous and as though she'd throw her guts up if she lifted a single finger or toe. it broke logan's heart right down to his core, especially when he couldn't be with her in the hospital to keep her safe and make sure she wasn't scared when he was out of florida or england during the f1 season.

we were always meant to say goodbye, even with our fists held high. 

adrienna and logan both believed in the saying that, "everything happens for a reason." and, at first, of course, adrienna and logan did not think that her cancer diagnosis was a blessing. they thought it was a mean, rude, cruel curse put upon them. however, throughout the process, slowly, adrienna started to go back to church and she started praying to god again. all of a sudden, the curse of her cancer went away and, it became a blessing in disguise. yes, sure, she never expected this was how she'd say goodbye to her husband but, she and logan, no matter what was always meant to say goodbye to each other in some capacity. even with their fists held high in celebration of adrienna's strength, they were always meant to say goodbye to each other. 

it never would have worked out right, we were never meant for do or die. 

although getting told that adrienna's treatment was no longer working was heartbreaking and terrifying, it just meant that adrienna and logan's "till death do us part" vow was coming a bit earlier than the other wags was and it was okay, it was just needing some time to come to terms with and get used to. despite the fact that logan struggled in comprehending that he was only going to have been married to his wife for not even a full year, never have kids with her and never have the fun experience of renovating their home together, it made him realise so much more and it allowed him to look at the bigger picture of the situation. 

"--i'm so sorry mr sargeant but, we went through some last-minute tests with adrienna in regards to her chemotherapy treatment for her cancer. and it has been found that her body is no longer responding as well as we would have liked to the chemo and, we'll be taking her off the treatment per her own request. because of adrienna's awareness of the failure of the chemo's response to cancer in her blood cells, she was more than happy to start the refusal of all types of treatment. she's also requested that you don't try to fight with her against this as she's very adamant that if she knows that one type of treatment isn't going to work, she doesn't want to bother with any other sort, even if it has a high percentage rate of responding well..." logan could barely let oxygen through his lungs as his wife's oncologist, dr callahan brings the young man the worst news he had ever heard since the original diagnosis 

"...do you know why exactly she's refusing all treatment revenues?" logan felt his ears ringing as he asked that question, tears burning the back of his eyes as he was handed a tissue by dr callahan, the married man keeping it in his lap for a moment before his fingers absentmindedly played with it as it was then rolled into a ball 

"it's, unfortunately, private information due to doctor confidentiality, and cannot be told by me. if adrienna does wish to tell you, that is most certainly okay, however, it is not my place due to the rules and requirements. i am very sorry logan, i know you and adrienna were hoping for some better news as it really did look as though she was responding beautifully. if you two need anything else, please feel free to ring either me or doctor keating up. adrienna is in the patient room and all of her tests have been completed if you two wish to leave, goodbye logan," dr callahan was a lovely man in what can be such an ugly job

he was a little bit older than logan's father, daniel and was a brilliantly intelligent oncologist. and one of the best ones out of what felt like the hundreds that the married couple had gone to all around england so they didn't have to travel back to america when it first came to mind that adrienna had fallen ill. 

the moment dr callahan excused himself from his own office, allowing time for logan to fully process and absorb the information the elder man had given him, logan truly started to break down. he never thought of the day that he'd be told by his wife's oncologist that the chemotherapy wasn't working and that she'd no longer be receiving any other form. even if it was proved to have a good percentage of her survival because of her own refusal of wanting any more treatment. his eyes burned due to the tears that he had been fighting back the entire meeting with the doctor even though it wasn't the first time that logan had dissolved into silent sobs or sometimes moderately loud ones during a meeting with the oncologist in regard to the progress in regards to his sick wife. just for one meeting, the floridian didn't want to be clutching a tissue or the entire kleenex box in his lap as he cried to himself in the office. but, once again, here he was, utterly inconsolable about the new news on his wife's health. 

the tissue caught every single tear that fell from logan's eyes as he rested his right arm, his right hand holding the tissue, against the shockingly comfortable chair that sat in the middle of the sargeants' oncologist's office. the door that opened into the said office behind logan. it took an entire hour for logan to stop crying and, due to adrienna having to take just a couple of smaller tests last minute like she did every check-up, she wasn't too fussed that her husband seemed to be taking an extra-long time with dr callahan. however, it wasn't until she looked up from her comfortable seat in the room in which all her tests were taken that for the past hour, logan had been crying, all alone, in dr callahan's office. despite the fact that logan had wiped all the tears away and gone into the bathroom to wash them away with water, adrienna could still see the red and puffy silhouette that his tears left on his face as evidence. it twisted her heart in all the ways that hurt the most as she realised that at the majority of her check-ups, logan would end up in tears and crying all alone. during the moments when she was getting her blood leeched out, when her pulse, blood sugar and blood pressure were constantly taken when she could have been consoling her very much distraught husband. 

i didn't want us to burn out, i didn't come here to hurt you now, i can't stop. 

for what felt like weeks, adrienna had been trying to tell logan to stay in japan for the grand prix because she knew that soon, she wasn't going to be alive much longer. she didn't want to hurt him, that was never her intention, no way when she first met logan and the rest of their f1 family. however, because of how much he loved her and wanted to be sure she was safe, he refused to leave her bedside during the suzuka grand prix and stayed with her all day, every day whilst the other nineteen drivers, alex especially, covered for him. 

"--logan, sweetheart, i thought you said you were going back to japan?" adrienna whispered as she woke up, her voice groggy as she notices that logan still hadn't left england as he promised her he would 

he didn't answer adrienna, as if he knew she was right and that he should have listened to his wife but, he didn't. adrienna, obviously curious, asked him why he lied to her, logan feeling extremely guilty that he lied to his wife. 

"logie, come on bubs, why did you lie to me?" adrienna sat up as much as she could as he sighed heavily, he didn't answer because he had no answer to give her about why he lied

"i...i don't know, i just, i wanted you to rest and get some sleep so, i said that to you so you would go to sleep because i knew you weren't going to fall asleep until i told you that i'd book me a flight back to japan for the race. i'm sorry..." logan whispered as he plonked his head onto adrienna's leg as she pouted, her hand brushing through her husband's messy blonde hair

"it's okay babe, but please love, go back to japan, i'm sure you can get your mum or even mine or even our sisters to come over and make sure that i'm okay if you are that paranoid. i promise you that i am okay, logie, i'm just tired," adrienna convinced logan as he rolled his eyes

hating that his wife always somehow convinced him to leave, grunting as he didn't want to leave his wife. but, he trusted if anything were to go wrong, his parents, her parents or even their siblings would tell him 

"fine! but, i do trust that my brother dalton and your sister alania look after you and if anything were to happen, they contact me and everyone else immediately!" logan spoke with a more assertive tone (which honestly turned his wife on) as adrienna smiled triumphantly, nodding her head

"okay, that's a deal babe. now leave, you need to go back to japan, i'll be fine!" adrienna smiled as logan nodded his head, giving his wife one last hug and kiss before leaving after his flight was successfully rescheduled 

i want you to know, that it doesn't matter, where we take this road, but someone's gotta go. 

as she sat with her sister and brother-in-law, alania and dalton, adrienna smiled. to her, it didn't matter that she was going to die, for she had gotten over that fear ages ago. so, she knew that she didn't want logan to go through any of the emotional pain of watching the love of his life slowly succumb to her illness. so, she refused to have logan be anywhere near her hospital room during her chemo treatments or transfusions. she knew that someone had to go and, that person was her and, she was more than okay with that. 

"ari, aren't you scared to die?" alania hesitated, the three all sitting down on the sargeant's lounge room couch, grabbing a tight hold of her sister's clammy hand as she sighs, a small smile playing on her lips 

for context as to why she was no longer in hospital, it had been a couple of weeks since adrienna had made logan go back to japan so he could rejoin his fellow drivers for the media days and practise days before the actual, legitimate race day on the sunday whilst alania and dalton took care of adrienna. however, recently, adrienna had been discharged back home due to the fact that she was now on hospice care because she was coming closer to the end of her life. meaning that the hospital agreed in bringing her home to england on hospice care as well as having her pass peacefully in a familial setting rather than the hospital room being the last thing she sees. they did have the option to move her back to florida but they decided that was too far so they settled on their england home.

"no, alania, not at all," adrienna smiled softly as she caressed her sister's hand, the two giving their sister a sad look back as they cuddled up closer together 

"how come?" dalton questions next as the sick girl shrugs her shoulders with a small smile, the shrugging of shoulders movement being one of the many limited things that didn't cause the dying girl pain 

"i dunno dalton, maybe because it was destined to happen. everything happens for a reason my love, and, this *adrienna referring to her situation of cancer* happened for a reason and, i'm blessed to have gone through it. even though i'm literally on the doorstep to my death, i couldn't have been any happier than how my life turned out i mean, i've lived my life, what more could i have lived for dalton?" adrienna smiled as dalton nodded his head, trying to hold his upset at bay over his sister-in-law 

"we're all gonna miss you, ari," the front door opened, revealing logan's dad, daniel, adrienna's father-in-law as he walked over to the couch, the father and daughter-in-law sharing soft smiles with one another 

"awe, daniel, i'm gonna miss you guys too but, i guess this is what was supposed to happen and, i couldn't have been any more grateful for the life i've lived," adrienna smiled, her voice soft and tender as music softly started to play from the radio that dalton had turned on, the song playing immediately recognised as already gone by sleeping at last 

and i want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better, but i want you to move on, cause i'm already gone. 

hearing the lead singer of sleeping at last sing that specific line was nothing but excruciatingly painful. no one wanted to even think about moving on from the loss of adrienna but, none more so than logan. he didn't want to move on, he was wanting to continue making his life with adrienna, have kids with her, get the renovations of their house done together so it was a home, and continue going to grand prixs with the f1 drivers together. all he wanted in his life was just to be with adrienna, no one else otherwise he wouldn't have gone to such lengths to show adrienna how much he loves and appreciates her if he was just going to simply move on. however, logan knew that that wasn't ever going to happen and was having to lose the one girl he wanted his forever with to then maybe one day down the line, "replace" her with someone else and have someone else's kids. and, that hurt logan more than any other pain in this world could hurt him. 

looking at you makes it harder, but i know you'll find another, that doesn't always want to make you cry. 

during the entire journey of adrienna's cancer, the amount of despair, tears and unknowingness that had been shed was way more intense than ever expected. especially by logan since he didn't think that one day his wife felt ill it would turn out to be cancer. and normally, logan was able to hold his tears back even though he has said he is an emotional person, however, it seemed as if seeing his wife in so much pain, no matter how well she had hidden it from him, it really seemed to knock down his wall of vulnerability. so, the number of times he would cry at the hospital, get emotional during a race, maybe even an interview because of how worried he was about his wife, to crying at home, to even crying on his own was such an intense amount, it seemed neverending. when adrienna came to light about this situation, she did not think it was fair at all that logan was crying all of these tears and being so fearful. she believed that he should at least get a break because it seemed as if everything was converging and she hated it, she never wished to inflict such pain on her husband and extended family. adrienna firmly believed that logan at least deserved a break from crying every single hospital consultation because that was all he could ever do when being told what was happening with regard to his wife.  

it started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in, perfect couldn't keep this love alive. 

it was true when it was found out that when adrienna and logan had their first kiss at how perfect it was and how perfect their kisses were, whether they were passionate, emotional, soft, slow, hard, quick etc. they were always perfect and they were always a meaningful thing for the married couple. meaning that, no matter how hard he tried, logan couldn't ever convince adrienna that she was going to be fine and stay alive, despite the desperate makeout sessions he'd initiate as he'd cry and pour his heart and soul out to his wife in the hopes that all of those kisses were going to be mixed in with the exact nonexistent cure that could keep his wife alive for the rest of their living days. no words or actions spoken by logan, however, could convince adrienna. she already knew and accepted that she was gone and that she had become peaceful with it because it no longer bothered her as much as it used to. meaning that, even if logan hadn't, she had accepted it and that was all that mattered to her, even though it broke logan immensely. she knew that his perfect kisses couldn't keep their love alive even though nothing else was wrong with it except for the fact that she was dying. 

you know that i love you so, i love you enough to let you go. 

adrienna smiled at her husband who had now arrived back home to england alongside the rest of the rest of the drivers and their spouses, the song playing on the radio in the background 

"logan, i love you so much my darling. i know you'll find someone who won't leave you the way i have. okay, you have to promise me that you'll move on. i love you so much, my sweet boy. i'm giving you permission to let me go now that i've let you go," she spoke softly, the song seeming too quiet as it filtered into everyone's minds as background music, logan nodding his head hesitating at his wife's request, a small tear tracking his cheek 

"i love you too adrienna..." logan sniffled softly, pressing his cheek against his wife's, making her smile, giving her husband a peck behind his ear as he sniffled a few times 

everyone else watching on with broken hearts as they only wished they also had the same healing powers that logan wished he could have to save the love of his life. heartbroken as they watched their fellow driver and best friend go through the grief of having to become a widower so quickly after marrying the love of his life. of whom everyone thought they'd outlast every single person in the room because of how much they loved each other. 

i want you to know, that it doesn't matter, where we take this road, but someone's gotta go. 

it seemed as if adrienna's hospice care was stopped after she had suddenly fallen extremely ill, way too ill for anyone's liking, due to an infection in her bloodstream that absolutely mortified everyone. adrienna's oncologist, dr callahan however was taking the best care of her alongside the rest of his brilliant cancer team at the hospital as he handed her the medication. however, when adrienna took said medication, it was always a moment of subconscious fear and uncertainty as to the side effects that came with her prescribed medication really loved interfering with her and there wasn't always a 100% certainty that if she took a nap due to the fatigue, another side effect of the medication, that she would wake up from the nap and wake up without any complications. 

knocking lightly, dr callahan came into adrienna's hospital room to give the terminally ill girl her medication, "knock knock, here's your medication, mrs sargeant-sorry, adrienna," it always made adrienna smile and giggle slightly whenever dr callahan would always try to be professional with her and call her by her last name and she then smiled as he corrected himself 

"thank you so much dr callahan and, please, stop worrying about what to call me. if mrs sargeant slips out, let it slip out, it's fine," adrienna smiled sweetly as she gave a look towards her medication that had been placed next to her large glass of water 

"no worries and, thanks for the reminder and, also, after you've taken your meds, logan could you and the group please come outside with me as i need to have a chat with you all? thanks so much, i'll just be outside waiting," dr callahan smiled, not wanting to let anyone worry as everyone, including adrienna, nods their heads 

"course we can doctor, is everything okay?" logan responded, a tight smile forming on his lips as dr callahan just gave a faint look of uncertainty which for some reason gave logan the heebie-jeebies and a very unsettling feeling 

"thanks, logan," dr callahan smiled tightly as he then walked out of adrienna's hospital room to the hallway, finally able to catch his breath for this was the worst part of his job as an oncologist 

then, not even a couple of seconds after dr callahan left her room, adrienna took her medication and then a large gulp of water to help glide the medication down easier, placing it back on her side table, her husband gulping worriedly. logan's brother dalton quickly moved from the seat next to adrienna's bed so logan could sit there. instantly grabbing a hold of his wife's paled, weak frail hand, caressing it carefully for a few moments 

logan's pov

and i want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better, but i want you to move on, so i'm already gone, so i'm already gone.

finally, after a few moments of stalling after dr callahan had left, adrienna had finally taken her medication and was starting to relax as the side effects started to come over her. this meant that it was now time for me, my brother dalton, her sister alania and the rest of the f1 family to go outside of adrienna's hospital room for our chat with dr callahan. and, in all honesty, we were all a little scared since usually, dr callahan only asks to talk with me whenever he has news about adrienna so, it only made my head spin. i was just so scared that my nightmare was going to come true; having to move on from losing adrienna and becoming a widower. 

"come on loges, we have to speak with dr callahan. let ari sleep, i'm sure she's a little tired and she has to now relax from her meds," dalton tried to get me to leave as i gave adrienna a small kiss before following after my brother, sister-in-law and f1 teammates whilst everyone else sat in the waiting room 

"okay, fine. i love you so much, adrienna," i whispered softly to my wife, sighing as i gave her a small kiss on the head and i then followed after the small group to meet with dr callahan to chat with him 

on our way over to dr callahan, it seemed as if he was becoming more and more nervous and was no longer finding it easy to hide it like he was usually a master at. and this when inadvertently made all of us nervous about what he suddenly needed to tell us. 

"is everything okay, doctor?" dalton questions with a haste breath as the small group all look in between each other before back at dr callahan as he gulps 

"that's the thing mr sargeant, we-we seriously think that adrienna isn't going to be well enough to last the rest of the day today. although she may look okay, the looks are truly deceiving and it seems as if all of her recent tests are plummeting. if you noticed, which you possibly did, possibly didn't, the medication i gave her was slightly different to her normal--" 

"--code blue, i repeat code blue room 799a!!" hearing that suddenly ring over the intercom is truly something you could never get used to as dr callahan perks up straight away however, his flight instinct kicks in within seconds 

that was when we realised the room number that was just called over the intercom, suddenly interrupting what dr callahan was explaining to us...

 ...room 799a... that's adrienna's room! no, no, no!

"i...i am so sorry guys but, i need to rush off but, stay in the waiting room and wait until i come back!" dr callahan then almost panics, ushering us into the waiting room where the rest of our "party" of visitors were waiting for us, thinking we had already been told the new information

"wha-what, dr callahan! aren't you gonna finish telling us about adrienna's medication?" i splutter out in a slight huff of disgust and fear, my dad pulling me back as i tried to get out of his grip which failed, not that i was disappointed or mad at my wife's oncologist, i just didn't know how else to physically respond in any other way 

"i'm so sorry logan but, i seriously can't stay back. i really, really need to handle this emergency code. it's a code blue, i cannot have this patient dying! just please go into the waiting room and i'll speak to you later, i promise!" dr callahan called out, fear and so many other emotions i couldn't distinguish swimming in his eyes as he ran up the stairs that less than five minutes ago, not even, we just walked down as we watched chaos unfurl

within a second of just blinking every single medical professional that you could think of that works in a hospital was either running up those stairs behind dr callahan towards adrienna's room or was aggressively pressing the lift button to take the lift up to her room. 

"dr callahan, wait--" i tried to get him to explain to me more but, i was too late, he was way out of my sight now, no longer running up the stairs as i huff and step back, my dad's hand finding the small of my back 

it seemed as if straight away, my dad knew what was about to happen and that i was starting to panic because of the unknowing fact as to what was happening to my wife at this current moment in time. 

my breathing immediately started to get quicker, the panic quickly rising in my chest as dad tried to calm me down. he pulled me down the hallway, the last time i caught in my peripheral vision was my teammates going down the hallway a couple of doors down from where dad and i were. 

"ssh, logan, it's okay! everything's going to be fine, yeah? maybe it was a mistake and adrienna was moved into another room." dad, bless his heart, was trying to think up ways to try and make me calm down yet, i knew what he was doing and, although i'd love to say it was working, it really wasn't helping much 

"that...that isn't helping dad!" i sniffled into his shoulder as he huffed dejectedly, wondering what to do as i just muttered something to him 

"play the song," i muttered softly into my dad's shoulder before he made some distance between us, his eyebrow shooting up in confusion 

"what song?" he asked softly as i smiled instantly at the thought, already gone, although it was a sad, breakup song, it was like adrienna and i's song as it related to her cancer diagnosis and her eventual, oncoming death 

"already gone, adrienna played it on the radio a couple of weeks ago, please," i mutter softly, dad nods his head without hesitation before grabbing out his phone and finding the song as it started to play 

remember all the things we wanted, now all our memories are haunted. we were always meant to say goodbye.

as the song played from my dad's phone, i was pulled right back into his embrace as it sort of became background music, closing my eyes and placing my head to his chest, his steady heartbeat being the calming cure. the music continued to play as many memories of my wife and me ran through my head as my dad just hugged me as though i was a little boy all over again. or back when he did when i was first leaving america for europe to further my racing career.

i want you to know, that it doesn't matter where we take this road, but someone's gotta go. 

it was then decided between dad and me that we would sit down as we both felt our legs were going to collapse from underneath us any second. we smiled at each other before dad allowed me to plop my head on his shoulder as the song continued to run its length. more memories that i had remembered over the years with adrienna came flooding into my brain as well as dad's as he smiled a smile that was a smile that adrienna, his daughter-in-law only saw. 

and i want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better. 

i smiled softly at hearing the singer of the song sing that line because it was true. i couldn't have loved adrienna any better than i already had done and the same goes for everyone else that adored adrienna. there was no way in which we could have loved my wife even more or even better. i heard so many times during her stay in the hospital that they had never seen a cancer patient be so positive and loved during her time of chemo that that was one of the only things that stopped my tears alongside adrienna's comforting hugs. oh and the endless supply of kleenex tissue boxes and soppy movies that we watched when we lived in the hospital for the first few months. 

but i want you to move, so i'm already gone, i'm already gone. 

"dad..." i whispered as it had now been close to a couple of hours maybe since the code blue for adrienna's room had been called out and we still had no answers for what happened 

dad then turned his head from my teammates as we had all since come back to the waiting room now that me and my teammates were less panicked and less emotional. dad gave me a small, soft smile that was comforting as he then responded. 

"...yeah logan, what's up son?" dad smiled, a small giggle leaving my mouth due to the "son" at the end of his response as we were all now equally worried about my wife and her condition 

"do you think that adrienna's okay?" i questioned softly, a worried expression painted on my face as dad huffed, his shoulders falling in a sad position as he bit his lip nervously 

"i truly don't know buddy. i wish i could say something else, we all do, but, i don't know and i am so sorry that i don't know," dad sighed with the saddest look i'd ever seen on his face as i just gulped and nodded my head slowly 

turning my head away to the empty hallway, i noticed who i recognised to be one of dr callahan's junior oncologists who worked with my wife, dr keating, he looked absolutely devastated and in distress. i decided i'd walk over to him to make sure everything was okay. using the chair to help me stand up, i kicked the pins and needles out of my legs and cracked my back before walking over. 

"guys, i'll be back, just wait there, i'm gonna have a chat with dr keating," i muttered as dad widened his eyes, also noticing dr keating as he looked over to dalton and my teammates in concern but let me go 

"okay, be careful logan," dad responded as i turned back around and started to walk, nodding my head in response to dad's response 

"i will," i whispered once i was out of hearing sight of the group as i softly tapped the junior oncologist on the shoulder as he looked up at me in a little bit of panic as i noticed his blue eyes were no longer blue, they looked as if he had just watched someone die

after tapping him on the shoulder, dr keating jumped at my touch but when his usually bright blue eyes looked into my blue eyes, i could tell something wasn't right. especially considering dr callahan was nowhere in sight. but even more so when dr keating grabbed me and pulled me into a hug, slightly scaring me before shortly after letting out a small cry as i felt my heart smash to the ground. the only patient that i knew that the other junior oncologists who were being mentored by dr callahan were working with was adrienna. i felt my lips and throat dry over, my biggest fear starting to settle in. 

"is...is everything okay, doctor keating?" i whispered softly, fearing the worst as dr keating sniffled, trying to speak as he pulled out of the hug 

"she's gone, logan," he softly cried out as i felt my heart sink, the physical pain creating a burning, cracking sensation in my chest as i felt my eyes tear up 

"adrienna's dead?" i whisper, trying to confirm what i already knew was confirmed as i saw his head nod as i tried to hold back an ugly sob that was building up in my throat 

"uhh, yeah *sniffle* sorry... she-she was going in and out of consciousness before her body just gave up on itself. the medications dr callahan had given her earlier in the day were slightly different dosages and brands to her regular ones because finally, at the last minute, adrienna had agreed to try to see if it was the medications that were making her sicker. so, dr callahan thought if he changed them that maybe she'd get better again. so, since the start of this week, dr callahan and the rest of us had been trialling this new medication with her in hopes that it would work but, it-it didn't *sniffle* i am so sorry logan...we...we didn't think the medication would cause her to overdose..." dr keating was utterly devastated at losing adrienna which meant that dr callahan and the rest of the team were even more devastated as i clenched my jaw  

i couldn't do anything else but close my eyes and cover my face with my hand as dr keating didn't know how to comfort me anymore as i blinked back the tears to no avail as they quickly started to stream down my cheeks. 

"please...please don't apologise, dr keating, you guys and dr callahan didn't do anything wrong other than making my wife happier and comfortable whilst she was in the less comforting place you could ever be in," i cried out softly, sniffling a couple of times so my now runny nose wouldn't make a mess 

i then turned around to see my dad, my teammates alex, oscar, george and esteban, their partners and me and my wife's families all together in the waiting room. they all looked so anxious and hopeful, just wondering what was going on in regard to adrienna and why they were still just waiting with no answers. 

"thanks, logan, that-that really makes me feel better and would genuinely make the rest of the team feel better," dr keating whispers as we both wiped our tears as discreetly as we could 

"it's my pleasure, doctor, because it's the truth. doctor callahan's team made all the difference for my wife and made sure she was always taken care of, especially when i wasn't here," i spoke softly, managing a small smile of gratitude as i then looked over to my dad and the rest of the group as they tried to calm alania, adrienna's older sister which just destroyed me even more and made me feel a certain pain that i'd never wish for anyone to feel

 how was i going to tell them? 

it seemed as if dr keating could read my mind however, "do you want me to tell them, logan?" dr keating then asks, suddenly realising whom i was looking at, making me look back over to him as i furrowed my eyebrows 

"you sure, doctor? i-i can tell them if it's easier," i responded as my eyes grew bigger as doctor keating shook his head and ushered me with his head to follow me over to the waiting room where it was just the group for adrienna that was waiting in there

"no, logan, i'll tell them, it is my job after all. i was adrienna's second oncologist, after doctor callahan, so, the least i could do is save you the trouble and a lot more tears if i say it over you," doctor keating smiled small, a travel-size pack of kleenex pulled out of the pocket of his scrubs, handing them over to me as i chuckle slightly as i take them from him, placing them in my jacket pocket knowing that it wouldn't take too long until they'll be of great use 

"thanks, umm, thanks again, doctor keating," i responded back with a small smile, one of my hands resting in the jacket pocket that had the pack of tissues whilst the other one rested comfortably and we then walked over to the awaiting group as they stood up with hopeful looks 

it goddamn almost killed me to see all of my best friends and my family look so hopeful in the news about my wife and, it was so hard not to break down. most especially when i caught eye contact with my sister-in-law, adrienna's sister, alania, her hopeful look killed me tenfold as i fought so hard at shaking my head no at her. i tried so hard but, the look that alania showed me back gave me the impression that she already knew what doctor keating was going to say and i was pretty confident that, that also broke my heart even more. 

"is adrienna okay, doctor? do you have any news on her? is...is my sister alive?" alania then questioned, my heart breaking at hearing her begging for her sister to be alive as doctor keating and i looked at each other before we took in some deep breaths 

"alania, guys, there is no easier way of saying this to you all as i know how much you mean to adrienna and how much she means to you but as i've already told logan; adrienna has passed away..." doctor keating spoke softly and with the same tone that he spoke to me in as a switch flipped in the group

their hopefulness now shattered as alania sobs and practically falls to the ground as i watched the way my brother followed her down to the ground and wrapped her arms around her and into a hug 

"and, the reason why she passed away was because of the new medication trial we had been giving adrienna since the start of this week in the hopes that it was her old medication that was making her sick and not the actual cancer itself. the medication that doctor callahan tried to explain to you guys but wasn't able to. in a short summary, it was a trial medication that was of a different dosage to her old and original medication in the hopes it would help but, it wasn't the medication making her sick at all like we thought it was. so, basically, it wasn't cancer that caused the death but an accidental overdose of the trial medication that had been administered to her over an hour ago," doctor keating explained, his hands resting inside his nurse scrubs as i felt my heart break a second time if that was even logically possible

alania was crying hysterically into my brother's shoulder as everyone else just looked as if they had disassociated so they could momentarily ignore the grief they were feeling. not something i ever want to see again because it was not my favourite sight at all 

"so, it...it didn't hurt her?" alania softly questions like a small child, managing to compose herself as i gulped, my hand reaching into my jacket pocket to grab a couple of tissues, one more me and one for alania 

alania should not have even had to of asked that question about her younger sister, whether or not it hurt for her to die. 

"no, it didn't hurt her at all, alania. it was the least painful death, she couldn't feel a single thing, it was as if she was falling asleep. you'll be able to visit her soon but, she just needs to be dealt with by our in-home coroner and then you'll be able to see her and say your goodbyes..." doctor keating speaks softly as he personally comforts each person, a hand on their shoulder and a handshake or hug, completely depending on what they chose as he spoke up again 

"once again, everyone, on behalf of me and the rest of doctor callahan's team, we are so terribly sorry and our condolences go out to you guys and everyone else that was personally affected by adrienna. but most especially to logan, her husband and the rest of her family. i have to, unfortunately, go now as i have more patients of doctor callahan's to deal with but, i will see you guys later, i promise," doctor keating smiled and brought me in for a hug after grabbing my hand and squeezing it, bringing me a surge of comfort as within seconds, he was back down the halls of the hospital, off to doctor callahan's other patients 

this was when it all came tumbling down around me, finally smacking me in the face that i was about to say my final goodbye to my wife and she wasn't even going to be able to squeeze my hand or comfort me like she used to be able to do. bringing the tissue up to my face, i just cried and cried, my left arm wrapped around my waist whilst my right hand covered my face with the balled-up tissue. i absolutely hated crying in the hospital because it always happened but, now, it was the final time i was ever going to be in this hospital and i won't even be able to bring my wife out of there alive and that stung. 

almost immediately, dad pulled me in for a hug, "oh, buddy, i am so sorry, logan," he was strong in his hug but absolutely weak in his words as he tried to soothe me but refused to let me go  

"she's gone, dad," i whimpered into his shoulder as my body wracked with sobs, making dad hug me even tighter as the group watched on 

it had then been decided that we wanted to leave the hospital, making doctor keating and doctor callahan aware that we were going to come in early tomorrow morning to farewell adrienna for, there was no way we were all emotionally inept to do it tonight. which allowed us a day in between to process everything and really allow the grieving process to begin for us all. they had both agreed in letting us do our farewells tomorrow and, now, i sat on the couch, tears streaming down my face still, as i became fidgety with my wedding ring, making the decision to make an instagram post of a few photos of my wife and me. not just because i knew it would bring me some comfort but because i knew that the f1 fans and just general fans of my wife and i, would also wish to know about my wife and what happened to her. 

remember all the things we wanted, now all our memories they're haunted, we were always meant to say goodbye

liked by alaniawalsh, oscarpiastri, alex_albon, daltonsargeant, lily.mhe and 12k others

logansargeant whilst it absolutely breaks my heart to even write this caption and post it, it is with a heavy heart that i have to announce that my beautiful wife, adrienna sargeant has sadly lost her battle with leukaemia and died in the late hours of tuesday the 5th of july at 8 pm in the london cancer centre of london hospital in england. adrienna was the absolute love and light of my life, she truly made me the happiest man i could have ever been. adrienna never ever failed to make me laugh and make me feel like i was the only person on the planet. i was always the centre of the universe and so was everyone else that my wife loved and adored. whilst it does hurt my heart to even think about it, i will not be driving at the next three grand prixs whilst my reserve driver takes my spot. i was offered berevement leave which i will be taking to fly back over to florida where we'll bring adrienna's body back so her family can say their goodbyes to her too. and apologies to everyone for this inconvience and to those who were excited to see me drive this next triple header and any tickets that want to be refunded will be. adrienna has always said since the start of her cancer diagnosis that if she was ever to die due to cancer or because of her medication that she would rather i take three races off to grieve her loss. and that wish of hers has been granted and as i write this post, the reserve driver has been notified and is now preparing for the triple header and i am sure he'll do an amazing job like he always does.

adrienna may have only been my wife for a year and two months but they were the best fourteen months of my entire life. she truly didn't care if she was only my wife for a week or forever, as long as we were able to have our wedding with her breathing properly and well enough to the point where she didn't need any help from breathing tubes or having to be wheeled everywhere in a wheelchair. she was happy with the way we got married and, our wedding day is a day i'll never be able to forget even if i tried. i had never seen adrienna look so happy and relaxed until the day of our wedding. she just looked like an absolute angel and just writing this is bringing tears to my eyes because i know that whilst she is no longer here, she is still my wife and, i'm always going to love her. even if i do end up dating, proposing to, marrying and then have kids with someone else, i'm always going to talk about the first girl that i ever loved because she showed me what it was like to love because she is the definition of love. whilst my heart does hurt right now and will probably hurt for a while, i know i'll eventually be able to wake up every day and smile. but for now, i'll cry and i'll be sad and that's also okay.

i love you forever and always, adrienna sargeant. i'll never forget you because you were simply unforgettable and the true girl of my dreams, sleep tightly my angel.  

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alaniawalsh adrienna absolutely loved you so much logan and this was a beautiful tribute to her. i hope you never stop posting about her, even when you find the new love of your life, love you logie 🤍

logansargeant alaniawalsh thank you, alania and i hope i don't stop posting or talking about her either, she truly was the one for me, even if i do find someone new. i love you too alania 🤍

oscarpiastri love you logan. anything you need, i got it, as do alex and the others. adrienna loved you so much and she'd do anything for you! my heart aches for you 🤍

logansargeant oscarpiastri i love you too osc and thank you, my heart aches as well 🤍

alex_albon reading this makes my heart ache for you logan. adrienna will never be forgotten and never forget how much she absolutely loved you and doted over you every single day 

logansargeant alex_albon writing this made my heart ache. and i know she won't be forgotten and i know i'll never ever forget how much she loved me because she made sure to remind me all the time 

daltonsargeant i'm heartbroken for you, loges. we are all here to support you. we loved you both so much so anything you need, we'll take care of it because if anything, the only thing that's important right now is taking this time off from driving this triple header to grieve your wife! fuck the triple header right now, don't even worry about it! i love you forever little brother!

logansargeant daltonsargeant i am heartbroken as well dalton. and thank you so much, this means so much to hear and i love you too, dalton! 

lily.mhe she'll never be forgotten, logan. adrienna was perfect and she was so loved by every single person that encountered her. 

logansargeant lily.mhe i know she won't lily. and she was perfect and so very loved 

username1 oh, logan, i am so sorry my love! my heart breaks for you with this news, adrienna was an absolute angel. sending my love to the entire family 🤍

logansargeant username1 thank you love, and my heart breaks having to even make this post and read all these comments even though they are so healing at the same time 🤍

lily.zneimer adrienna will never be forgotten, logan and i promise you that, as does everyone else that knew her and loved her every single day! 

logansargeant lily.zneimer no, she won't be forgotten lily! i'll never let her be forgotten and i don't think you guys would allow me to forget her either! 

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alaniawalsh i can't even believe i'm writing this but i have to and it breaks my soul into pieces. as you all would have seen from my lovely brother-in-law's post, my sister adrienna sargeant died from a medical overdose of chemo medication at the london cancer centre in the late hours of tuesday the 5th of july at 8 pm. and not at all in this post am i bashing my sister's oncologists or the hospital, it was not their fault at all as to why my younger sister overdosed and i will not tolerate any comments that may suggest that that is what happened because that is anything but what happened. my sister died because she willingly decided, like she put her own hand up, last minute to give a medical trial one last try and see if it was her old medication that was making her even more ill than she already was. and because of this was on a new medication this last week which unfortunately is the reason why she passed away, not because of medical negligence or anything of that sort. 

my little sister, adrienna amelia rose walsh sargeant was a beautiful girl. she was always a happy, fun, crazy little girl that always wanted to make other people smile and be happy like she was. she was fifteen when she met her future husband, logan hunter sargeant and ever since that first meeting, had been inseparable so, that's why it's even more heartbreaking that they were only given the chance to be married for fourteen months, only a year and two months. my heart absolutely breaks for you, logan, that you had to lose your beautiful, angelic wife so early in your guys' marriage. it's absolutely not fair and i only wish it didn't happen. but if you do choose, later down the line or whenever you feel it's right to do so, fall in love with somebody new, just know that it's absolutely fine! you deserve to be happy and fall in love again, and there are no rules on how quickly or how slowly you do that. you are still so young that i promise you, one day, you'll find another beautiful girl and you'll fall in love all over again like you did with my sister. 

and i hope you know logan, that you are still a part of the walsh family, even though your wife and our sister and daughter are no longer alive with us anymore. you will always be my brother and you will always be my parents' son and that will not change, not even when you fall in love again. i will adore you until the end of time logan and i know my parents share the same sentiment and if there is ever a time you need us, we are always a phone call or a message away. we love you logie loges 🤍

all of these photos that you see in this post are all of the best moments of adrienna. and yes, even the photo of my sister in the hospital is the best moment of her and this is why. even though the photo may not look it, throughout all of her chemo treatments and transfusions and other things, adrienna never failed to have a smile on her face and have a little dance and that was even if she was very sick or tired. she always managed to be happy and still feel blessed that she was still alive and well enough to get those treatments and transfusions. but, i do have to say that whenever adrienna and logan were together, that was when they were both the happiest and the most alive. when they were together, it was like royalty had entered the room, that's how it was like when adrienna and logan were together. i love you so much adrienna amelia rose walsh sargeant, they'll never be an adrienna sargeant like you ever again. rest easy my sweet angel 🤍

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logansargeant bawling my eyes out reading this alania. this was so sweet of you! this means the world to me and more! these photos really do show the best moments of adrienna. love you more alania 🤍

alaniawalsh logansargeant i was bawling my eyes out writing it! and of course logan, nothing will take you out of our family, especially not another girl. and i really do love those specific photos so that was why i chose them 🤍

lily.mhe oh, alania, this was a gorgeous post to your sister! just like you did her, she talked about you all the time 🤍

alaniawalsh lily.mhe thank you lily and i know, there were a few times that i overheard her talking about me and it warmed my heart every time 🤍

lily.zneimer adrienna was always so beautiful and these photos truly show that beauty. love you so much alania 🤍

alaniawalsh lily.zneimer she really was lily, she was the definition of beauty and these photos really do show them. love you too lily🤍

kellypiquet your sister loved you so much alania. and your loving words to logan are tearjerking and i know just how much it means to him reading that! 

alaniawalsh kellypiquet i know she did, kelly, she loved you guys as well! and thank you, i just want him to know and to never forget that he still has us as a family no matter what because he always will 🤍

oscarpiastri my heart breaks at reading this alania! your sister was gorgeous and she still looked beautiful when getting her chemotherapy and she truly loved you and logan so much. sending all my love to you and your family 🤍

alaniawalsh oscarpiastri thank you for the words oscie and she did love us a lot, she had so much love in her 🤍

alex_albon she loved you so much, alania! there was no doubt about it whatsoever! don't forget though that you now get to carry her with you everywhere you go 🤍

alaniawalsh alex_albon thank you so much alex, you are a sweetheart 🤍

username i'm sobbing reading this and logan's post. adrienna was truly one of a kind and was such a beautiful girl. and she truly does look beautiful when she's in hospital and that blows my mind. and it makes me so happy to hear that logan's still a part of your family 🤍

alaniawalsh username i was the same reading logan's as well love and writing my own didn't help me either and she was one of a kind. and logan was always going to be a part of our family, even if it did come to the unfortunate possibility of adrienna's premature death and the possibility of him finding someone else because we've known logan since he and adrienna were fifteen so there is no way we'd close our door on him after so many years 🤍

iamrebeccad we all love you so much alania. just like logan is a part of your family, you are a part of our family. anything you need, we will give it to you 🤍

alaniawalsh iamrebeccad love you more bec and thank you so much, that means a lot and i know you guys aren't just saying that too 🤍

fin

this was so much to rewrite but i'm glad i did even though i do feel bad for now putting logan through the angsty torture that is my very depressing angsty one-shots lol. but it'll happen to all the drivers don't worry haha! and to the lovely person that requested their charles request, i am so sorry it's taken this long but i promise it's coming soon! all these one-shots i'm throwing out are recycled as they are fillers until i can get to yours! but i do promise it's coming and thank you for your patience <3 💌

[musical-chan]

Father of Time Chapter 71: The Secrets We Keep

Late spring storms swept across Hyrule, stronger than they had been in many years.  Elders spoke of times before the civil war began where similar occurrences had happened but most shrugged it off.  The weather was like that at times; it was nothing to worry about.  The damage they caused was not inconsequential though and many families in the Field found themselves in need of repairs from storm damage.  Even trees in the lost woods were not immune to the damage from lightning and flooding.  Everywhere in Hyrule was touched by the weather.

It never kept Link or the deities inside, much to his annoyance; he wasn't sure why he expected otherwise.  In the days since their return from Termina, training had continued uninterrupted regardless of the weather.  Of course, Oceanis was completely at home in the middle of a downpour but even his dad didn't seem to mind being out while lightning flashed across the sky and thunder roared directly overhead.  Only Enma agreed that a rainstorm was a horrible time to be exposed to the elements.

"It never rains in the Depths!  Now, it is always a little damp because it is basically a giant, subterranean cave system and that keeps the plants growing but a little damp hurts no one!  This rain stings!"  The dark deity and Link stood in the tremulous shelter of a tree, watching as Oceanis and Nocturne sparred.  Well, they were supposed to be watching but the curtains of heavy rain falling made observation difficult and uncomfortable.

(Read the rest on AO3)

[the-brucest-fan]

I See Red

This is an idea that's been in my head for the last month about a hypothetical scenario for a future Super Mario Bros. Movie sequel, but Illumination doesn't have the cojones to do it, so I wanted to do it myself. Actually, I wanted to draw this as a mini comic, but while writing the script, it turned into this, so here it is.

P.S.: Sorry about the grammar and spelling mistakes. English isn't my first language.

Bowser had won, everything was lost. The Toads had lost hope, Peach had lost her kingdom. And Mario? He had lost his brother. Now he's going to do whatever it takes to make Bowser pay, even if it costs him his life.

Content Warning for Major Character's Death

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

Mario's glassy eyes stared horrified at the devastated Mushroom Kingdom, or at least, what remained of it: the red sky above the burning houses, fire consuming everything in its path, panicking Toads fleeing and crying while their town burned to ashes; dark smoke covering the palace, towers engulfed in flames, the once white bricks slowly turning black.

They had lost.

He had lost.

No. Not yet. 

He knew he had to do something, but he couldn't leave… 

The red-clad plumber turned his gaze to the still form of his little brother, lying limp on his arms, green cap lost, chest unmoving; cuts and bruises covering his pale face, which despite that, remained with a peaceful expression, as if he were just sleeping. 

Mario wrapped Luigi's body tightly between his arms, burying his face in the croak of his little brother's neck; eyes closed tightly to hold back tears, gritting his teeth to hold back a sob. He didn't want to leave him, he couldn't.

With a trembling lip, he looked at Luigi's lifeless face. The hot breeze brushed through both of their hair, also taking away the single tear that managed to escape the red-clad plumber's eye. Luigi didn't even flinch. 

Mario held Luigi's limp hand while supporting the latter's head with the other one. He promised to him they were going to stick together, that he would never let go of his hand again like that time both were sucked in by the warp pipe. He promised he would keep him safe, he never thought this time it would be the other way around. If only he had listened…

It's my fault.

He had been reckless and impulsive. He was so focused on getting rid of the problem quickly, that he didn't stop to think about the consequences. Now innocents had paid the price, including his beloved brother.

It all happened so fast. He didn't even hear that Bullet Bill coming his way, and then he saw Luigi, also coming his way…

Mario tightened his grip on Luigi's hand, refusing to let go of him, but deep down he knew he couldn't stay. He had to avenge his brother and the kingdom, he had to fix his mistake, but he didn't want to leave his brother. He promised to keep him safe… He had already broken that promise, and now with all the pain of his soul, he was about to break another. 

I'm sorry.

Mario tenderly pressed his forehead against Luigi's, feeling cold instead of warmth. This was his apology for what he did and for what he was about to do. Taking one last look at his brother's still form, he said his final goodbye…

And let go of his hand. 

"Please, take care of him," Mario asked Princess Peach, who had come in next to him. 

Now on her knees, the princess took the green-clad plumber's body into her arms, his head now resting on her lap. She looked at him with tears in her eyes, and then turned back to Mario with a concerned look.

"Mario, where are you going?" She asked, even though she already knew what Mario was up to, but a part of her wished she was wrong,  "What are you going to do?"

Mario took his singed cap from the ground and straightened it on his head with determination.

"I'm putting an end to this," he replied. There was no light in his eyes anymore, there was nothing inside him but grief and rage; there was nothing else in his mind but revenge; the pieces of his broken heart were beating erratically, pushing him to do whatever it takes to finish Bowser once and for all. He was going to make him pay for what he did to Luigi.

Without anyone being able to stop him, he took a Super Feather, yellow cape puffing out of nowhere around his neck, and took off.  

"Mario!" Peach called out, but it was already too late. Mario was gone. She couldn't let another one of her friends get killed. The young monarch turned to Toad and Yoshi, gently placing Luigi's body on the little mushroom man's lap, "Please, take him to the safehouse at the Mushroom Forest and watch over him. I need to retrieve something from the castle that could help him." 

"It is dangerous to go in there right now," Toad replied. He knew what the princess wanted, but if the item was still there inside the palace, it would be too risky for her, especially with the place still being on fire, "I'm coming with you."

"Thank you, but I need you to take care of Luigi while I'm gone," she resolved, "You're one of the only few I trust enough to take care of something this important, and Mario trusts you as well."

After processing the princess' words, Toad nodded and gave her a determined look. 

Yoshi also exclaimed something in his language to assure Peach that she could count on him as well. She tenderly caressed the creature's muzzle. 

"Don't worry little guy," Donkey Kong said, stepping in, "I'll go with her." 

Thanking his offer with a nod, the princess took out the last Fire Flower she had with her, the plant quickly turning the pink of her gown into white and red.

"Stay safe you all," she said, "We'll be back very soon."

And with that, she and DK left at full speed. Despite her determination and courage, Peach was afraid. She not only feared for her kingdom's fate, but also for Mario's life, for what he was about to do. She knew he wasn't thinking straight, he was blinded by grief and rage, and she knew what people were capable of while being like that. That's why she was going to fix this, she was going to bring back the person Mario loved the most in this and any other world. Mario needed Luigi. There cannot be a Ying without its Yang, there has to be a balance.

And Peach was going to restore it.

She wouldn't let Luigi's sacrifice be in vain. The green-clad plumber had saved her and the kingdom several times along with his brother. She was going to repay them. 

Peach was so immersed in her thoughts that she didn't realize that they were already at the steaming gates of the castle. It was time, the moment of truth. She prayed the special Power-Up was still in the castle, it was the only thing that could save Luigi now, and therefore, save Mario as well.

"Hang on guys," she said. 

And then, she and DK disappeared behind the thick wall of smoke. 

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

I'll probably make a part two of this (I already have a draft), and eventually I'll make art of this as I originally had planned.

I'll also be posting this on AO3 if you want to check it out 😉

Thank you for reading!

[idoweirdcrap]

a lil bit of klangst

The empty void looked particularly pleasing to Keith right now. All life forces distant, yet ready to envelop him in their cold embrace.

TRIGGER WARNING:

He jumped. He didn't care who was looking, but he jumped off of the balcony, dislodging his helmet from his churning head. He couldn't do this. Allura. Fuck Allura. How was Lance ever going to like him, if that whore drew him in first?

That didn't matter. He was on his last breath.

A few minutes until he would be gone. Finally.

The stars sang a delicate melody, pulsing with brightness and a confidence Keith didn't have. Will never have.

Because by this point, he's gone.

[sofiadragon]

Ever find a larger bill in the laundry that you thought you lost or spent? I feel like that. The tiny little slash fic website from the early 00s that I read "If you are prepared" on is long gone, all links broken, but I found it over on Walking the Plank, which is somehow still operational. I found it and I'm about to completely ruin my emotional state for the next several days by re-reading it.

If You are Prepared

I sure hope this is the dark, intense journey through deep lore pre-OotP Harry Potter that I think it is. I so hope this is the fic I think it is. I reposted a work of mine on AO3 and spotted a reference to the online slash fic magazine Swish and Flick while I was cutting and pasting the old rtf into chapters. That got me to googling around looking to see if there was any trace of it left after 22 or so years. Found a screencap with some links to different stories and... I know this title. It lept out at me, through a screencap taken of a half-busted wayback machine archived webpage from 2003-2004. It jogged memories two decades old.

Go ahead. I dare you to read it. First chapter is Snape's POV:

At the first sight of the Muggle neighbourhood I’m reminded of one of the reasons I became a Death Eater so long ago. I feel nauseous and I can scarcely resist taking out my wand and casting a growth spell on their perfectly cut grass. I hurry up the stone walk way, amusing myself in imagining the look on the Muggles’ faces were they ever to see my garden. I knock three times on the oak door.

[nerodmcdevilslayer]

In Her Eyes

tw Omegaverse tw loss tw single parent

Steve opens his eyes when he hears a little crying voice from the crib in his bedroom. He sits up, turns on his lamp, and looks at the time. 3 AM. Well, at least she was sleeping a little longer than she has been been. Usually she woke him up at 12 or 1 AM. He had to get up to feed and change his daughter.

He hauls himself out of bed and goes to her, reaching in and scooping up a curly haired baby girl. He coos and gently soothes her. She grabs at his shirt with her little hands and he takes her to the bed and sits down, lifting his shirt so he could feed her. He looks into her eyes, all half lidded and sleepy, hearing her little noises as she feeds from him. Her eyes... beautiful eyes that reminded him of California's oceans. A perfect Azure. They look just like his. His Alpha. The one who had given him his baby.

It had been eight months since that day. The day Starcourt burned down, the day Steve Harrington had to watch as his mate sacrificed himself to save the freaking world.

Steve had been nine months along when it happened. His grief had been immeasurable. He lost a part of him that day, a part of his heart. The person who came into his life and totally rocked his world. Seeing him die and the way it affected him all at once caused him to go into labor, having to be carried out of the burning Starcourt and leave his mate behind. It had been too late anyway. He was gone. Nothing Steve could do.

Billy had brought so much light and excitement to Hawkins. Pulling up in his loud ass car with his loud ass music… Hell, Steve had been swept off of his feet immediately. He had prayed for something new in this town, something to cut through his mundane existence. Disrupt his preplanned destiny of getting married young and popping out kids. Well… Seems that last part stuck.

Oh the plans Steve would talk about with Billy. Their desire to run away from here and live in Cali. Go to the beach every day, party at night. Kids weren’t in the equation. Steve did want them eventually. Billy was hesitant. Reminded of his father. He was afraid of becoming him, despite Steve saying he was nothing like him. His hands were gentle on Steve’s skin, treating him like a treasure. Hadn’t really come as a surprise when Steve got pregnant. After all, they weren’t exactly that careful. Putting a young Alpha with a young Omega spelled out desire.

Billy’s reaction had been… a little lackluster at first. He was scared. Steve understood, and gently guided him into comfort at the thought of a family. A real one, one that loved him and would never hurt him. Steve taught him that love could be unconditional, and even gave him the inspiration to reconcile his relationship with Max.

Each day, Steve’s belly grew more and more. Billy would sit and gently rub and it made Steve purr. He was so happy. He was looking forward to their future.

Until their line had been cut short. Billy had been taken from him. A piece cut from his heart by the blade of his own lover’s sacrifice. He had cursed Billy for leaving him. He had thanked him for saving their lives.

But in their baby’s eyes, he could see Billy. On her face, see where the sun had kissed her and left freckles behind. Just like her father. In her eyes, he could see the future. Bright and strong, free of the darkness of the Upside Down. It wasn’t gone. Part of him knew it was still there. Billy’s sacrifice had not been in vain.

No. Steve could see the light in her eyes.

[azuramarigold]

A story focused on a young Yuji already harboring Sukuna as a vessel and it's up to teenage sorcerers of Tokyo Jujutsu High School to go and help him! Involves a parental Kento Nanami and Gojo with his usual antics.

Please note that the AO3 link has the proper fonts used in the fic for Sukuna's dialogue.

Chapter 2: The Mean Voice

Summary:

Due to Yuji's episodes, Wasuke Itadori decided that he was going to take his beloved grandson to an old friend from high school in order to help him. Meanwhile, a voice is able to have full conversations inside Yuji's head - too bad he happens to be mean.

Notes:

** TRIGGER WARNING!! ** Mentions of blood and violence in this chapter! Also gun violence.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

It was the fourth night in a row, Yuji felt the burning sensation all over his body.

            He gripped his stomach and panted, feeling tears sting in his eyes. A maniacal laughter buzzed in his head like an annoying insect, mocking him.

            A child…? They expected me to take a child…? How pathetic and weak.

            “IT HURTS! STOP IT!” Yuji screamed in pain. The burning was intense, like a fire was deep in his belly and was getting hotter and hotter. He screamed again.

            “Yuji…!” He heard his grandfather barge in. He cradled him in his arms and began to rock. “Shh, it’s okay, you’re okay… just resist, okay…? You’re a strong boy…”

            Old Man, this is futile, and you know it.

            Yuji sniffled against his grandfather’s shoulder, feeling his hands grip against his shirt.

            “Grandpa…?” Yuji sobbed. “Why does it keep hurting…?”

            “Yuji… we’re going to go somewhere in the next couple of days,” his grandpa said to him gently. “I have a friend who is going to help…”

            “H-Help…?” Yuji hiccupped.

            “Yes.”

            Old Man, are you going to try to put me dormant again…? Heh…

        Yuji felt his face burning, knowing those odd marks are there again. He never knew what they were, but they were terrifying. Sometimes when he looked in the mirror, he saw himself smiling, but he knew it wasn’t his smile. At five years old, he knew something was wrong.

            “Fight it,” Grandpa encouraged. “You’re a strong kid… You always have been.”

            And he wasn't wrong either. Once the boy was able to grasp objects, his strength was abnormally strong – he had nearly broken Wasuke's finger from grasping so hard. Taking the boy to any doctor was a complete nightmare – Yuji fought tooth and nail against anyone that tried to give him a shot or examination of any kind; he was discharged at more than one office due giving nurses and assistants black eyes and other injuries.

            But Yuji wasn't just strong physically – he was strong mentally too. He took everything with a smile, not letting anything get to him.

            Except right not his screaming in pain and fear was what about to break him.

            The boy took a deep breath, fighting off whatever was deeply cackling within him. The burning subsided, and he felt his eyes drooping with exhaustion.

            “Thata boy…” his grandfather sighed with relief.

            Yuji felt the marks fade from him, him collapsing into his grandfather's arms. He was breathing heavily, his energy depleted. He felt his body be carried into his grandfather's room so he could sleep with him, his pink hair being brushed back gently.

            When he had these episodes, he was allowed to miss preschool the next day. Yuji was thankful as he was drained and didn't remember to keep his strength in check; there was more than one occasion he accidently tapped a kid too hard in tag and they collapsed to the ground and nearly broke an arm or collarbone.

            It was now the day that his grandpa said that they were going to a friend of his that was going to help. His grandfather didn't elaborate on who they were going to visit, just that she was an old friend of his from back when he was in school. Yuji didn't question it.

            Outside was cool due to it being early Spring, so he was put in a yellow spring jacket that had black stripes with a small hood with rounded ears; when he put the hood on it made him look like a small tiger cub. He insisted on wearing his red rain boots with a cartoon picture of a tiger on the side that faced the outside and he wanted to carry his stuffed tiger toy with him as well.

            His grandfather didn't refuse the requests.

            The two sat on a bullet train, Yuji kicking his feet in excitement as he played with his stuffed toy on his lap. Other people around were commenting that he looked adorable and asked how old he was, and he would proudly state he was five and in preschool.

            “Those other people are staring too…” Yuji whispered to his grandfather uneasily.

            His grandfather looked to where Yuji was alluding too and gave a frown. “Just ignore them, it's okay…” he told him.

            Yuji found it difficult, they had large, creepy smiles with unnaturally sharp teeth. Multiple eyes blinked and it was almost like a dark veil wisped around them. He didn’t like it at all, but he did as he was told and continued to focus on his tiger plush.

            The train stopped at Kyoto and Yuji fought the urge to run off the train like a bullet. There was almost a mocking laugh in his head.

            Really boy? You're that scared? How pathetic… They're so weak even you can kill them with a flick of a finger!

            Yuji felt his grandfather grasp his hand and lead him off the train. “Alright, Little Tiger Cub, let's go meet my friend, alright?” he said to him.

            “Okay, Grandpa,” Yuji replied softly.

            The train station was crowded, so many people in one area that Yuji didn’t know could exist. He held his grandfather’s hand a bit tighter so that he couldn’t get separated from him. The two walked for a bit, the intercom overhead announcing the schedule, girls and boys in various school uniforms walking around and chatting with each other.

            After walking up a set upstairs they were met with sunlight and more crowded streets. A woman greeted them near the exit, long dark hair streaked with silver with kind, yet hard gray eyes. She had a few scars on her face, which was a shame as she looked like she could be a nice grandma.

She wore what looked to appear a Miko Shrine Maiden outfit, however, the traditional scarlet fabric was replaced with a dark, navy-blue as though made of shadows, and the white was almost a sickly gray - it was a stark contrast and almost uneasy. A black bow was tied around her waist, the center pinned with a button in a deep red, a full circle in the center as it flowed like a wave from four spots before connecting as a circle around.

            “Wasuke, it’s been quite some time,” the woman hummed.

            “Minori,” Yuji’s grandfather replied to the woman in familiarity. “I wanna say it’s been about… thirty years…? Maybe a bit a more?”

            “Something like that,” she guessed. “Time has not been kind to you,” she commented.

            “Curses have not been kind you,” the old man retorted.

            Minori grimaced. “It’s part of being a sorcerer,” she clicked her tongue. She then saw Yuji and gave a smile. “And this is your grandson you were telling me about…?”

            “Yes, this is him, Yuji.”

            Yuji stood up straighter, trying to be polite. “Hello…! I’m Yuji Itadori! I’m five years old! I love tigers! I can count to twenty!”

            The woman chuckled. “Wow… twenty, huh?” she humored. “And what is your tiger’s name?”

            “Tetora,” Yuji smiled brightly. “She’s my tiger plushie!”

            “That’s adorable,” Minori said sweetly as she placed a hand on his head. “He looks a lot like Jin…” She then commented.

            “Yeah…” Yuji’s grandfather replied softly.

            Minori gave a slight frown as her hand hesitated. “So much… there shouldn’t be this much in a tyke like him…” she murmured. “Let’s head to the school, I’ll be able to look at him better there.”

            “Haven’t set foot in Kyoto Jujutsu High in so long…” the old man sighed blissfully.

            “You could’ve made an amazing sorcerer, Wasuke,” Minori informed.

            “And had my family in danger constantly? No thanks!” the man stubbornly grumbled. “Why do you think I had to take Yuji out of Sendai?”

            Minori then offered her hand so that Yuji could take it freely. “How would you like to visit where your grandfather and I went to school together?” she asked gently.

            Yuji’s eyes widened in excitement. “Yeah! Yeah! Let’s go!” he shouted gleefully. He immediately let go of his grandfather’s hand and grasped Minori’s.

            You Brat, this is a trap! Let her go this instant!

        Yuji ignored the angry voice in his head - he always did. The voice wasn’t very nice anyways.

            Minori chatted with Yuji’s grandfather as they walked for a few minutes. Yuji didn't know what they were talking about, but he was more preoccupied with staring at people anyways. They were led to car that had a young woman with short black hair in the driver seat.

            “Still using Assistant Managers, Minori?” Wasuke asked.

            “Makes the bureaucracy of everything easier,” Minori pointed out with a slight shrug. She opened the back door and let Yuji inside and the Wasuke so that he could assist the boy oin a child's seat that was already in the vehicle. Minori got into the front passenger seat and the driver began to drive.

            Yuji began to hum to himself, continuing to play with his plushie while occasionally staring out the window; the buildings passing by were large and unfamiliar compared to the small town he and his grandfather were living in. After a bit of driving, the driver stopped in front of a path that led to a wooden bridge to a remote building surrounded by blossoming Sakura trees.

            “Couldn't update the place, huh?” Yuji heard his grandfather grumble.

            “You know as well as I do the energy that flows here, Wasuke,” Minori reminded curtly. She then got out of the car and opened the back to remove Yuji promptly, causing him to giggle. “Now, little Yuji, let's get you inside so we can talk more, okay?”

            “Like what?” Yuji asked curiously, tilting his head to the side.

            “Like…” Minori tried to think for a moment. “Let's see… you have nightmares, right…?” she then asked tentatively. She recalled the sudden phone call she received from Wasuke one day, him panicked regarding his grandson. Minori hadn’t heard from the man in a couple of decades after he had moved to Sendai and started a family - she had met Wasuke’s son, Jin, by chance when she was out and about one day in the Tokyo area and the Itadori family was there as well for an event. Minori didn’t even realize that Wasuke had changed his last name after he had left Kyoto, using his mother’s maiden name.

            Yuji's lower lip trembled. “Y-Yeah…” he admitted. His brown eyes glossed over, suddenly looking terrified.

            “You wake up screaming, your grandpa told me.” she then revealed. “Do you ever… see a man that looks a bit similar to yourself…?”

            Oh, this bitch!

            “Are you talking about the one with the black marks…?” Yuji then asked as he pointed at his face. “Like a human tiger!”

            Minori's eyes widened at the comparison, her expression turning grim. “A human… tiger…” she repeated slowly.

            Yuji gave a frown. “He's not very nice,” he then said. “He's always yelling.” He then proceeded to point at his head. “He calls me ‘brat'.”

            Because you are, Brat!

            “He just did it now!” Yuji wailed in complaint.

            Minori was already walking down the path to get to the bridge, Wasuke following close at her heels. Her expression was grim, and she was absently patting back Yuji's hair and murmuring softly.

            “Minori…!” Wasuke's voice broke her thoughts – it sounded as though he was trying to get her attention for some time.

            “He's already taking hold of Yuji’s soul…” Minori grimly whispered. “That’s too soon… the boy is too young… this could kill him…”

            “What!?” Wasuke hissed angrily. “I know your Cursed Technique let's you see into the age and history of the soul… but how can you tell!?”

            “Ryōmen Sukuna is already trying to take hold of this boy's soul as a vessel,” Minori explained, her finally reaching the main building.

            “And… how!?” Wasuke demanded, his frow furrowed.

            “I've already told you Jin’s connection when I met him,” the sorcerer reminded him, causing the man to grimace. “A reincarnated soul… and not just any reincarnated soul, but the reincarnated soul of the twin of Sukuna – one that was unknown to the world of Jujutsu.

            “That woman, Jin’s wife, must've known this connection somehow… and Yuji was the result… a crafted vessel for The King of Curses himself…” Minori sounded so defeated and angry at the revelation. “He is such a sweet boy… why… all this Cursed Energy… what was bonded with him…?”

             “I have no idea… I always suspected he was almost like a Cursed Object himself…” he admitted.

            They made it into one the buildings and headed into what looked like an infirmary, the room being stark white. Yuji squirmed a bit in Minori’s arms, him already getting ready for a fight as he did not like doctor offices. Once in the room, Minori shut the door behind them and locked it promptly so they wouldn’t be interrupted. She then set Yuji on the examination table, which caused him to try to wriggle his way off, however, Wasuke forced him to stay on.

            Minori pursed her lips, glancing at Yuji, who was looking at her with wide, brown eyes. “Sukuna left behind twenty fingers,” she then mused aloud, trying to figure out what could be the binding medium.

            “I think I would know if my grandson stuck one of those in his mouth,” Wasuke deadpanned.

            “No… it wouldn’t be like that…” Minori informed. “He would’ve been born with it… or at least placed within him shortly after birth”

            Wasuke’s face twisted in disgust. “That is… disgusting,” he commented.

Minori only hummed in agreement as she then placed a hand on Yuji's stomach and closed her eyes, a blue of energy engulfing her hand.

            Oh…? Feeling me out? Not a wise decision foolish woman.

            Immediately, Minori took her hand off the boy. “That presence… so powerful…!” she nearly gasped.

            “Was he being mean…?” Yuji asked in almost an annoyed tone. “He’s always mean…”

            I will rip your tongue out, Brat…

        The voice sounded more irritated than threatening.

        Minori put a hand to her head. “I should be able to suppress the binding medium to keep Sukuna unconscious,” she informed Wasuke. “He may have intense power at this state, but it’s not enough to overpower my ability to suppress his soul to a deep slumber.”

            Wasuke nodded his head. “Okay, good, and it won’t hurt Yuji?” he then asked worriedly.

            The woman grimaced slightly. “It might be painful for a moment because there will be resistance… but this is the best course of action,” she explained. She leaned down and patted the boy’s hair back. “And I should be able to suppress his ability to see curses as well… and suppress his memory of what happened the last few months… He can live a normal life as long as he doesn’t go near a powerful Cursed Object like Sukuna’s Fingers or Heaven forbid ingest one.”

            The old man took a deep breath and sighed. “Okay… Minori, I trust you, I wouldn’t have called you or asked the help of someone from the Jujutsu world if I didn’t…” he said to her.

            Minori smiled. “I know…” She went to put her hand on Yuji again when there was a sudden gunshot in the distance. Her hand was hovering over Yuji’s abdomen when her head snapped up. “Wh-What was that…?” she asked slowly, her voice stammering.

            “A gunshot…?” Wasuke answered, his voice just as confused.

            More gunshots rang out. Each gunshot sounded closer and closer to the room, a few bodies sounded like it hit the ground.

            “Are there students here…!?” Wasuke demanded, his tone laced with panic and worry.

            Minori shook her head. “N-No, they’re out on a couple of missions with teachers, that’s why I chose this day for you and Yuji to come… The only other people here are a few Assistant Managers.” she replied.

            “Good, no other kids,” Wasuke sighed with relief. He pulled out his knife and it glowed blue with Cursed Energy.

            “Don’t you dare!” Minori hissed angrily knowing how stubborn her old friend was.

            “Keep Yuji safe-” Wasuke tried to say but he was cut off when another bullet rang out. The sound of splintering wood rang through all their ears in the room as Yuji screamed in panic. Wasuke’s knife slipped out of his hands, and he crumpled to his knees, scarlet splattering to the once pure white floor.

            “WASUKE!” Minori screamed.

            “GRANDPA!” Yuji cried out.

            The door was kicked open and three people entered in, completely dressed in black. One of the men kicked Wasuke to the side and he collapsed against the wall with a grunt, the red blood smearing against the wall. One then aimed a gun at Minori as she desperately grabbed Yuji and held him close to her chest to protect him.

            “Who the hell are you!?” Minori demanded angrily, her arms tightening around Yuji.

            “We’re here for the Vessel,” one man replied emotionlessly. “Just give him here and maybe we’ll let you live.”

            Yuji’s body was trembling, his hands gripping tightly around his plushie. He could feel Minori’s arms tightening around him to the point where he almost couldn’t breathe.

            “What need do you have for a five-year-old child!?” Minori spat furiously.

            “The Vessel of Sukuna,” the man repeated, clearly annoyed. “Hand him over, don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

            “Over my de-”

            BANG!

            Yuji felt something warm and sticky drip onto the top of his head and slowly stream down his cheek. His hand hesitantly touched his cheek and there was the bright scarlet on his fingers. His vision went blurry as tears began to flow, mixing with the blood to almost make it look pinkish. He began to scream loudly.

            “Damn it, now the kid is crying,” the man muttered. He bent over and yanked Yuji from Minori’s limp arms, his tiger plushie being left behind, soaked in her life’s blood.

            “N-No…!” Yuji wailed. “She needs help…!”

            “Quiet, Vessel!” the man snapped as he slapped a piece of duct tape over Yuji’s mouth. Before Yuji could rip it off, his arms were forced behind his back and then tied.

            Ah, a kidnapping situation…? I wonder who they are… They don’t need to be so rough.

        Yuji didn’t know what that meant, but it couldn’t be good. The man that was being mean held him as the other two were in front with their weapons pointed around. When they said things were clear they all left the building and headed toward the bridge to leave the campus. Yuji saw the person who drove him and his grandpa there in the black car, but they were slumped over the wheel, blood seeping from a wound from their left temple.

            Yuji squirmed in his restraints and was trying to scream through the tape, but it was no use. He was stuck.

            He was taken to a white van and was tossed into the back like he was a sack of dirty laundry. Around him was other guns and weapons, but there were also many books that were written in a different form of Japanese that Yuji didn’t recognize. What Yuji did recognize was a few painted illustrations of the person behind the mean words in his head - the same pink tuft of hair, the tattoos, four eyes that were a blood red…

            It’s the meanie!

            That’s me you insolent, Brat! Ryōmen Sukuna, the King of Curses!

        The King of MEANIES!

            Brat, if we weren’t sharing the same soul and body right now, I would SMITE you!

        Meanie.

            And here I was worried about your wellbeing, Brat.

        Yuji.

            Brat.

            The van began to drive away from the Kyoto Jujutsu High School campus, the three men talking to each other about how they finally have the Vessel and step one of their plans were complete. Yuji had no idea what they were talking about - all he knew was that his grandpa was now gone, and the nice grandma-type of lady was too.

            Tears stung his eyes at the realization. He never knew his mom and dad, and now the man that was raising him was gone.

            It’s my fault… I did this…

***

10 Minutes Earlier

The Assistant Manager, Yuko, was waiting in the car as instructed by Minori after dropping her and the Itadori’s off at the entrance path to the school.

            After roughly ten minutes of waiting, she noticed a white van pull up. A frown etched on her face. They weren’t expecting anyone else on campus that day, and all the students and teachers were off on missions. The only people at the school were a couple of Assistant Managers doing paperwork and Minori with the Itadori’s.

            Three men exited the van and went to the back, unloading guns and making sure they were loaded up.

            Yuko felt her jaw drop. She had to warn Minori. She dialed her number from her phone, but the phone rang, and she heard it next to her. Minori’s cell phone had fallen out of her pocket and fallen between the seat of the car and the door without her noticing.

            DAMN IT!

            It seemed the three men had heard the phone ringing, Minori had a loud and annoying ringtone from an American singer named Katy Perry with the phone blasting “Hot N’ Cold”. Yuko didn’t know who else to call as all the Kyoto sorcerers are on missions that could last days. In a desperate plea, she dialed the number of one of her friends that was an Assistant Manager at the sister school, Tokyo Jujutsu High School.

            “Hello…?” her friend answered.

            “Hey, it’s one of those managers!” one of the men shouted.

            “Just shoot her…” the head one sighed in annoyance. “It’s not like they can really fight anyways.”

            “Hey, Yuko, what’s going on!?”

            “Right, boss!” the one man said.

            “After all, we’re just here for Sukuna’s Vessel…” the head man sighed with annoyance.

            BANG!

            “Y-Yuko…!? YUKO!”

            She never replied.

Notes:

* Minori never got married and had children. She was close with Wasuke when they were students. If he had stayed as a sorcerer, she most likely would've ended up with him. * I chose an unorthodox color scheme of the Miko clothing for Minori as Utahime already wears the traditional Miko attire. There are multiple colors, but each one has a significant meaning depending on the level you are with the shrine and if you're a priest. With Minori, I decided on not using traditional Miko colors and gave her the color scheme more seen with the Jujutsu High School uniforms (blues, navy, grays, blacks). - No matter what universe, Sukuna will always call Yuji "Brat" lol - "Tetora" translates to "iron tiger". For females it also means radiance and brilliance. "To be strong as a tiger." - Yuko is a name I have used in a Ace Attorney fic; it's unisex and means "helpful child". Yuko was just trying to be helpful :(

[veneskaa]

I've registered for "death and dying: cross-cultural perspectives" next semester and my therapist asked if it might be triggering for me, at which moment i realized she doesn't know about my sixty-chapter fanfiction tagged with Major Character Death

[monster-cock69]

i don't like mondays

AO3 link here

Pairings: None

Tags: All Human AU, School Shooting, Dead Dove

Warnings: School Shooting, Major Character Death

Rating: Teen (may change)

Summary:

Peter had never liked Mondays, and a Monday at Midtown was more hectic than all of his Mondays in middle school combined. Too many of the other students agreed.

Trudging through the overly crowded hallways still hadn’t become a part of Peter’s routine. 

The crowding within Midtown School of Science and Technology was only comparable to the few times he’d made the mistake of traveling through Times Square during rush hour. Everyone was pushing and shoving, clothing got caught on bags and it was impossible to move more than a few feet without bumping into someone. 

It didn’t help that his teachers refused to understand and he had to make his way to the other end of the building. 

“Peter!” 

Ned was flush with the wall toward the end of the hallway, near the turn Peter was shuffling toward. The shout was barely audible in the loud space but he managed to nod in his friend’s direction. 

Their schedule was almost the same on Mondays, which made his introduction to the week almost forgiving. 

A tightly huddled group of seniors shoved him out of their way, but he managed to reach Ned, who clutched his arm tightly and pulled him around the bend. 

The crowd seemed to thin out the further into the school they went – it was both a relief and a curse since it meant they would be late for their next class. 

“I hope they didn’t take our seats,” Ned muttered as a girl from their gym period bumped into him. 

The sentiment was shared, but baseless. Peter was pretty sure no one else would want to sit front and center during Mr. Mahoney’s class. He was a funny, but mean teacher whose jokes were mainly science puns and felt like freshman biology was inferior to the sophomore chemistry he taught two years before. 

“I just hope he won’t be mad – I was pretty excited for this lab.” 

Despite it only being October, their biology teacher had decided the class was ready to do a dissection lab. If anyone was late it meant a ten minute lecture on the importance of punctuality and less time to work on their frogs. 

“I mean, it’s okay – I just hate that lab’s on Mondays. It’s stupid.” 

“I don’t like Mondays,” Peter agreed, a little breathless as they made the last turn into the science hall. 

It seemed like they weren’t alone in their rush to the class. At least three others were running into the room from the opposite direction. 

This time, Peter was the one to tug at Ned’s arm as he pulled him into the room.

“I see we’ve managed to prove ten minutes is more than enough time to get to class, Mr. Parker, Mr. Leeds.” 

Ned gave a less than enthusiastic agreement that Peter ignored to beeline for their seats. 

Thankfully, the lecture portion was short and straightforward – but not something he could ignore. His notes were illegible and harried.

Mr. Mahoney seemed excited too. Usually, his lecturing was long and arduous, but he’d always make time for questions and force them to participate. Today, he didn’t stop for any questions or even write much on the board. 

When he started to go over procedure and protocol Ned looked like he was about to jump out of his seat and Peter wasn’t far behind him. 

The energy was palpable to him, even the kids who never participated or consistently skipped were attentive. Dissection had been something a lot of the upper classmen hadn’t gotten to do with the old biology teachers, and as far as Peter knew, they were the only class to have it scheduled in so early into the year. 

A set of lab partners was released one by one to gather their supplies from the back of the room and wash their hands. Ned was so excited that he bumped into Peter’s backpack and nearly fell down between the desks. 

“Come on, come on,” Ned urged when Peter stopped to help him up. 

“Okay, okay,” he grabbed his things quickly and laughed as Ned made eye contact with him. 

Putting on the uncomfortably stiff goggles made his hair stick up and his damp hands meant that some water got caught in it. 

Mr. Mahoney was passing around their dissection kits carefully, and both Peter and Ned obediently stilled so he could place their kits just so. Instead of walking toward the next group though – he leaned toward them like he didn’t want anyone else to hear. 

“Would Ms. Stacy be able to join your group today? Her lab partner isn’t in class.” 

“Oh uh, yeah of course?” Mr. Mahoney seemed to take his confused answer at face value and set down a third kit. 

Peter found the encounter weird, and even Ned seemed unsettled by it. Usually, he would make a big deal out of someone missing class. It was an entire process that took an entire chunk out of class time – quiet acceptance was weird. 

Gwen, when she finally got to them looked like she’d jump at the drop of a hat. Even dressed in her lab gear, he could tell she’d been crying. 

Her normally clear blue eyes were rimmed with red and her hands couldn’t stop shaking. She had red splotches all over her face too. 

“You guys can just ignore me if you want. My dad’s on his way to get me anyways.” Peter tried to meet Ned’s eyes without making it obvious. This day was getting weirder and weirder. If he remembered correctly, Gwen’s dad was some high up cop that hadn’t even been able to make orientation. She always complained about how he was never there to do anything with her – it didn’t make sense that he’d be able to run and get her from school on a random Monday. 

“I uh, that’s up to you I guess?” Peter offered when Ned didn’t jump in, “We don’t mind letting you copy everything down as long as Mahoney doesn’t see.”

Gwen shrugged and leaned her arms against the table, then looked around the room for something before whispering, “Georgia’s starting her shit again and I have a bad feeling she’s being for real this time.” 

As the principal’s oldest daughter, the stories went that Georgia had automatically been put in the spotlight last year. Instead of being the success story everyone had thought she’d be though, she’d flunked all of his classes and had a reputation for being the biggest asshole in the school. 

Everyone guessed it was only her dad that kept her there, and she got in trouble so often that it had to be true. 

Sometime last year, Georgia started threatening to bomb the school or poison the cafeteria food. It had only been taken seriously once or twice, and he remembered going on lockdown for it back in September. 

Peter shuddered at the reminder, and Ned enthusiastically encouraged Gwen to continue on. 

“I heard her tell Todd from Geometry to find a reason to leave ‘cause he was gonna shoot the school up. Mr. Singh didn’t even call the cops or anything, just sent him to the office.” 

“Fucking Georgia,” he sighed, not knowing what else to say. The heaviness in Gwen’s voice was something he didn’t know how to deal with. They were loose friends and her cool demeanor always reminded him of MJ’s. 

Nothing bothered either of them, and it made Peter feel uneasy. 

“Maybe she just doesn’t like Mondays, I mean doesn’t everyone?”

“I don’t know, it just gave me a weird feeling and my dad said he’d come get me since he’s getting off early anyways.” 

“Yeah no, I’m gonna see if my lola can get me. That’s weird to me too.” 

Peter shrugged his shoulders when Ned looked to him next. Sure he’d rather go home but May had done triples over the weekend and really needed to sleep. He could deal with a bit of anxiety over something that probably wouldn’t really happen. 

“May needs to sleep,” he looked pointedly at Ned, “and you know how she gets.” 

Ned shot off a text while Peter made sure Mahoney wasn’t looking and Gwen surprisingly started to work on the paperwork for them. 

As he and Ned worked, Gwen seemed to perk up a bit. She wasn’t as shaky anymore and though she didn’t seem to enjoy it as much as them, Peter took it as a good thing. 

Halfway through, a voice over the loudspeaker called for Gwen to go down to the office. A weight seemed to leave her shoulders as she gathered her things, but Peter had the weirdest feeling when he looked over at her. 

On the corner of the table, she’d left her water bottle. Peter tried to call out to her and let her know, but he guessed she didn’t hear him. 

“My lola said she’d come get me, are you sure you don’t wanna have May say she can take you too? Even if the school’s not for real you don’t know if Georgia is.”

That weird feeling he’d gotten when he looked at Gwen doubled when he met Ned’s eyes and he tightened his hand around the scalpel. 

“Yeah, I’ll text her.”

 The scalpel made a soft clink when he set it back down to reach into his backpack. 

“Eww dude, take the gloves off at least.”

“I don’t have another pair,” he hissed back, fumbling with his phone. 

Mr. Mahoney came walking toward them just as he got it unlocked, and he hastily dropped it back into the bowels of his bag. 

“Ms. Stacy, I thought your father was here for you?” He asked as she trudged back into the room. 

“He’s downstairs. I just forgot-”

From the other end of the classroom, a girl screamed. It was loud and shrill, something he’d only ever heard in horror movies.

Then Gwen’s body jerked and he heard a firecracker go off. 

She took a step forward, and blood started to stain her shirt. 

When she faltered and fell backward, Georgia was standing behind her, gripping a pistol so tight her knuckles were white. 

Everyone was running to the back of the classroom, shoving each other and trying to get as far away as possible. 

Scalpel still clutched in one hand, he grabbed his bag and made for the tight space between a display cabinet and a desk. 

There was nowhere to hide, not really. 

Georgia hadn’t moved from the front of the room, and she was shouting words that Peter couldn’t hear. 

His brain was on overload. Some people had upended a desk and tried to push it toward her. 

She shot both of them. 

Mr. Mahoney was sprawled out in the center of the room, next to Peter and Ned’s desk. He was weekly pressing a hand to his thigh. 

Georgia stepped over something – someone – and shot him in the head. 

He couldn’t see Ned anywhere, but the roaring of his heart was starting to be drowned out by shouting and screaming. 

In his hand, the scalpel started to shake. 

Something told him that there wasn’t any way he was leaving alive. 

He tried to look anywhere but at Georgia, but each time he tore his eyes from her they fell on Gwen’s water bottle, undisturbed on their lab desk. It had blood on it now. 

Georgia raised her hand again, and this time he caught the eyes of the girl it was pointed at a split second before she jerked and screamed. Her phone had been pressed to her cheek.

May, I need to say goodbye to May.

The scalpel didn’t make a noise when it fell, or if it did he couldn’t hear it. 

May didn’t answer on the first ring, and Georgia had started walking further into the room. 

“Peter? Peter, what’s going on? I don’t want you getting into trouble on the phone like this.”

He was the furthest from the back wall, which made him the closest to Georgia, who’d started flinging her gun around and shooting aimlessly. 

“I love you.”

The loud, heavy running up the stairs was silenced by the sound of two more firecrackers going off. 

Georgia jerked and fell down, the same way Gwen had. Only there was blood steadily falling from her forehead rather than her stomach. Her cheeks were a uniform, blotch of red and her pretty red hair was a mess all around her. 

Cops flooded the room, and he heard a loud, agonized scream that made him feel cold. 

Gwen’s dad Peter thought sluggishly. 

Someone, a cop maybe, knelt in front of him. 

More people started swarming around him, talking loudly and firmly. The first cop reached for his phone and he let them take it. His hand was falling slack anyways, and he didn’t think he’d be able to hold it much longer. 

Peter couldn’t hear what any of them were saying, and their faces had started to blur like he and Ned had gotten into May’s wine again. 

Ned was there too, and he was crying really hard. 

There was a paramedic – or EMT maybe – pulling at his clothes. Another was taking his goggles off for him. 

It didn’t make sense until he saw the blood on their gloves.

Oh

He tried to decipher the unintelligible words everyone was saying, and his eyes fell on the cop that had taken his phone. 

“We’re doing everything we can for him, ma’am.”

People kept talking, kept shouting. 

But his eyes were starting to hurt. His body hurt too, and he didn’t want to stay awake anymore.

[amberjazmyn]

it's quiet uptown💔

pairing : carlos sainz jr x fem!reader

summary :  with the lyrics of its quiet uptown from the musical hamilton we learn about the devastating death of evangelina, the eldest daughter of carlos and aliona sainz and their grieving process.

warnings : mention of the death of a young child, loads of crying, loosely based on its quiet uptown from the musical hamilton, loose mention of terminal illness and brain tumour, grief, child loss

a/n :  this will be very sad so please be warned and only read if you can. also, i've never been pregnant nor lost a child so, this isn't me romanticising it as it's a devastating thing that loads of parents go through. so please be warned that this will not be shying away from being upsetting. 

a/n: the eldest daughter's name is evangelina and she has three other siblings, anastaysia, rosalia and santiago.

there are moments that the words don't reach, there is suffering too terrible to name.

it's always a parents worse nightmare, being told that their little kid is sick. especially when it was no longer in the control of the adults, the child's parents. but this was just getting cruel at this point. too cruel. the sainz's, carlos and aliona sat in shock as they were told the worst news that barely reached them. the suffering too terrible to name as it's finally revealed that their eldest daughter, seven-year-old evangelina, didn't make it through the surgery that was supposed to get rid of the rest of her brain tumour, killing her halfway through the surgery. of course, their first reaction is just silence, they didn't scream or cry, they didn't know how to react at first because, how are you supposed to react when you get that type of news. that sort of news that you've just lost the child that made you a parent and the older sister to your two other kids?

"...mr and mrs sainz, i am so sorry that we couldn't do more for evangelina to revive her. we truly did everything we could. if there is anything that your family needs, please let us know and we can make it happen for you as soon as possible," the doctor, dr alvez explained to the grieving parents as carlos nodded his head whilst aliona responded verbally

"thank you so much, dr alvez. we cannot say that enough to you guys, truthfully. you really did everything you possibly could for evangelina and we are ever so grateful! now the worst part is having to tell ana, rosie and santi..." aliona trailed off as the doctor gives a small empathetic smile

"the entire team of nurses and doctors that worked with evangelina are truly going to cherise your words, mrs sainz, so thank you! and, honestly, if it'll make things easier for you and your husband, i am more than ready to try and explain what has happened to evangelina to the other three if you aren't sure," dr alvez tilts his head as aliona smiles gratefully as does carlos as they nod their heads

"that would be amazing, thank you dr alvez! but, i'm afraid since they aren't with us and are back with their abuelo and abuela at home, i think it's best if we tell them. however, it'll definitely be a difficult conversation to have with them for sure..." aliona trailed off as dr alvez agreed, telling adults this sort of news was difficult but it was even harder telling this sort of news to underdeveloped children

"...of course mrs sainz. however, if you would like some tips, i'd say to create a safe space for the kids and ask them what they understand about what happened to their older sister. and then, from there, just keep on gradually telling them information rather than telling them everything straight away and also make sure to answer any questions they may have directly. and also try not to overwhelm them with details that are unnecessary. i also recommend you involve the other three as much as their young ages allow them to be and to make sure they are being supported. also, don't be afraid in showing your emotions to them because then, if they do see their mama and papa getting upset, it can really show them that it's okay to get upset. however, whilst it is good to allow them to see and feel comfortable with those emotions, try not to cry in front of them too much. because then that can cause fear into the other kids and they may worry and think that evangelina is all you can think about. which will make them think you've forgotten about your other three kids. but, all in all, just make sure you give anastaysia, rosalia and santiago age appropriate responses and don't neglect them now that evangelina's gone because they'll be relying on you to console them and take care of them when they miss their sister, okay?" dr alvez explained as aliona and carlos nodded their heads, understanding completely on how they were going to tell their remaining children that their older sister was now gone forever

so, that was what carlos and aliona did. after saying a final heartbreaking goodbye to their eldest baby, they left the hospital and got into their car and drove back to madrid. they always imagined the day they'd get to finally leave the hospital properly but never did they think they'd be driving back without their precious little baby girl, evangelina. and now they had to explain to the rest of the family and the kids why they had come back home with evangelina.

you hold your child as tight as you can and push away the unimaginable.

the moment carlos and aliona finally returned home from the hospital, carlos sr and reyes as well as some of carlos' f1 teammates and wags that had stayed back in madrid had noticed that they were missing little evangelina, it was obvious what had happened. that the sweet little seven year old evangelina sainz didn't make it through her surgery and it was devastating. the parents of carlos jr had lost the little girl that first made them abuelo and abuela and the f1 teammates of carlos' had lost a part of their own special little family that was the uncles and aunties to the little girl. but most importantly, anastaysia, rosalia and santiago had lost their older sister and they were none the wiser. anastaysia was the youngest at four years old whilst rosalia and santiago, who were twins, were five years old and had just started school.

after lugging his tired body into his house, carlos just watched as his wife was brought into so many hugs from his parents and his teammates and their girlfriends that he was kind of getting ignored. well, no, that's not true, carlos wasn't being ignored. that's the wrong word at all, he knew they'd make their round of condolences and consolations to him eventually but right now, it was all being focused on aliona because she was the one who looked like, at face value by just looking at her, that she needed to be comforted first.

however, he was just numb. unlike his wife, who was now weeping inconsolably, carlos wasn't able to cry at all. it was as though his tear ducts had an on/off switch right by his ear and it had just been switched off the moment dr alvez had told him and his wife about the devastating news that they had lost evangelina. he knew it was going to hit him eventually but he wasn't aware that it wasn't hitting him right at this second and that it could possibly take a while for it to properly sink in that he now had a missing piece of his family's puzzle. his eyes looked and scanned around the entire first floor of his home, it was so loud in the kitchen with the tears and condolences and then as carlos turned his head and looked into the lounge room, it was silent. the only noise from the lounge room was the television which was playing a movie that the twins had requested to their abuelo and abuela that anastaysia also ending up loving just as much. that was when he made eye contact with his little boy. his little santiago. his mini carlos and he felt his heart snap as the little boy bounded off of the couch and rushed over to his papa for a hug. as though the little boy hadn't seen his dad for months when really it had been coming up to a full twenty-four hours at this point. the little boy's joy at seeing his papa in this moment was the same as it was when papa was coming back from a race weekend. and when santiago went to jump for papa to pick him up, carlos caught him seamlessly as he always did.

"...papa! papa! estás en casa!" santiago squealed in spanish as carlos tried to smile as santiago's voice caused the adults in the kitchen to sush dad! dad! you're home!

heartbreak towering over them as they watched the pure innoncence of their little nephew and grandson, sweet santiago's excitement of seeing his papa again. with the little boy being none the wiser as to where his older sister evangelina is either.

"si mi amor, estoy en casa y mamá también!" carlos' voice came out quieter than he wanted it too as he gulped, hoping his little boy wouldn't notice the difference in his voice but he did yes my love, i'm home and so is mum!

whilst santiago was only five, he was really intelligent and emotionally wise for his age so, the little boy knew that something was off about his papa. as well as his mama when he made eye contact with her and noticed she had been crying.

"mamá está llorando papá, qué pasa? donde esta evangelina?" carlos wasn't aware at how gut-wrenching hearing his little boy saying that would be mummy's crying daddy, what's wrong? where's evangelina?

and carlos wasn't even sure on how he'd explain it to his little boy that evangelina was gone. so he stayed silent as santiago looked at him, his big brown eyes, identical to carlos', staring into his soul. just as carlos' mouth opened again to somewhat explain to santiago, the two girls, anastaysia and rosalia noticed that their papa and mama were finally home. a chorus of the two little girls screaming for their parents, their papa, especially was nearly the stick that broke the camels's back for carlos. however he managed to hold it in and he had no clue how.

"PAPÁ!" four year old anastaysia sainz yells as she sees her papa after she and rosalia went looking for their brother santiago as she runs over as quickly as she can

carlos' eyes tear up as he fights against it as he then picks up his littlest girl, hugging her close to his chest, "hola cariño, did you behave for your abeulo, abuela and aunties and uncles today?" he asks, grateful that for once he was able to once again keep his tears at a standstill for his youngest

nodding her head enthusiastically with the biggest smile on her face almost destroyed carlos, "si papa! of course i was!" she was so clueless and innocent, as were rosalia and santiago as they brought mum in on the group hug, as she responded to her dad's question which only made the parents hug their kids tighter

like mentioned already, aliona had since joined in, knowing that this news was truly going to devastate carlos, as it did her. carlos and aliona held their babies tightly as they tried to push away the unimaginable of the loss of their eldest baby.

"mama and papa love you so much you three, you know that right?" aliona spoke up, including all the kids, moving out of the hug as carlos and anastaysia hug tighter as rosalia and santiago hug their mum tighter as the three of them nod their head in confusion

rosalia the first to realise that something wasn't quite right with her mama and papa. so, she asked about it and it was gutwrenching.

"papa, mama, where's evangelina?" the question that carlos and aliona knew was going to be asked was asked and it was painful

touching her husband's cheek softly, aliona takes her newly eldest daughter out of carlos' grip so he could take a breather whilst she explained a little bit to her three kids. anastaysia and santiago now wanting to know.

"carino, she's still in hospital, do you three remember how sick she was?" aliona spoke softly, rosalia, santiago and anastaysia all nodding their heads as they hugged their mama closer, aliona making her grip tighter as they off to find papa

after everyone left so they could allow the family to finally grieve their new loss properly, the sainz family then all slept togehter, hugging each other as tight as they could, trying to push away the unimaginable and the heartbreak.

the moments when you're in so deep, it feels easier to just swim down

since the death of evangelina, it seemed as though carlos had completely shut down whilst aliona started to force herself to do everything. they were on two separate ends of the grieving spectrum yet they weren't yelling at each other, hating each other, making an unsafe environment for their three kids nor were they miscommunicating with each other. carlos was just struggling a lot more than he let himself believe or thought he would. for days, he refused to let himself cry because he forced himself to go back to work. whilst, fortunately, formula one were so accomodating in regards to child bereavement, carlos refused to take the required time away that his team principal from ferrari, fred vassuer, had given him. but also because he was scared that if anastaysia, rosalia or santiago saw their papa cry then they'd ask questions, questions that one, he wasn't ready to answer for his own little safety circle and two, because he didn't know the real answers to said questions.

however, one day, on a monday when the twins were at school and anastaysia was with abuelo and abuela the day after a race weekend, aliona decided it was time to break into her husband's grief and see if there was anything she could to help him open up. it was breaking aliona's heart to see the way carlos struggled in his grief so deeply whilst still returning back to work, especially when his job is racing fast cars most weekends. it was clear that for carlos, the easiest thing for him to do was to just swim down, as deeply as he could and just try and ignore it.

walking into their shared bedroom, it shocked aliona to see her husband frantically getting his bag ready for the next race, thinking that he'd be in the right headspace to return. trying to pull him away was physically hard considering how much stronger carlos is in comparison to aliona but, that didn't stop her from getting her husband to stop and sit down next to her. as they sat down, aliona pleaded with her husband to talk to her so she could help him.

"carlitos, baby, please talk to me! i want to help you. do you seriously think you're ready to jump back into work, into that car as though we didn't just go through the worst thing a parent could go through?" aliona pleaded to her husband, grateful that their kids were at school and with their grandparents, not at home hearing this conversation

carlos stayed silent as aliona pleaded once more, "come on, carlos, why are you so adamant about going back to work? you need to grieve your baby! anastaysia, rosalia and santiago need you carlos and so do i! fred is so understanding over our circumstances, why can't you just stop worrying about work and start worrying about taking care of yourself?!" aliona begged as carlos' face screwed up as he softly sniffled

slowly, carlos started to break down as he spoke up, making eye contact with his wife, "it hurt, aliona," he whimpered as aliona moved closer as she nodded her head, urging her husband to continue as she didn't say a word

"it hurt so bad!" carlos sobbed, his voice high an octave as he tried to keep himself in control, ultimately failing though as aliona nodded her head

and carlos was right, it did hurt. it was the worst pain that aliona could have ever felt as well, having to outlive their seven year old daughter. it was a pain that was unimaginable to so many people, including aliona and carlos, right up until they went through it with evangelina's terminal illness as she rubbed her hand along her husband's arm as the other one held his back up.

"it...it was like my insides were being torn apart. i...i just, i couldn't understand why our little baby had to die! they had promised us that the surgery was going to help her and sufficently reduce the cancer! why did it fail, aliona? why didn't it work?" carlos sobbed as aliona opened her arms, pulling in her distraught husband for a hug, rocking them both side to side  

"it's okay, mi amor, it's okay!" aliona whispered, hugging carlos tighter as he continued crying and struggled to be quiet as aliona whispered sweet nothings of comfort in spanish

carlos could slowly start to feel some of the heaviness that he had been carrying around throughout his body since getting the news just be alleviated and seep out of his body. he had been feeling so heavy because he had shut himself down and refused to acknowledge the grief and tried to push through it and go back to work. which ultimately failed him because, everywhere he turned, he was always reminded of his little baby girl, evangelina.

"mi amor, it's okay to cry! it's okay to grieve and it's okay to miss evangelina! hell, i talk to her every night and have since she was first admitted into hospital and i still cry! i know how much it's hurting the kids and the rest of the family, we just want to help you as we're also going through the same thing!" aliona spoke softly, her hand softly caressing her husband's wet cheeks as he nodded his head and sniffled quietly

"i know it's just so hard to ask for help! no one else i fear will understand just how much i miss our little baby! it's just so much easier to ignore it, pushing it down as far as i can," carlos' voice was small and almost childlike as aliona pouted at her husband's response as she ran her fingers through his messy hair

"just take baby steps, mi amor. just start with the simple things about evangelina, like your favourite photos of her and then go from there. you don't need to throw yourself into the deep end straight away. and another thing is just talking about her because i've found that i feel so much better after having a simple conversation about her because then it means she's still here and isn't being forgotten about," aliona explained as carlos seemed to like hearing that as it gave him a reason to look back at his favourite photos of his eldest baby not that he ever needed a reason

"gracias, cariño," carlos sniffled softly, wiping his tears away as he sweetly kissed his wife who smiled at him as he grabbed his phone

immediately opening his photo gallery, he was bombarded with photos of evangelina and at first it did make his heart hurt. but the more photos he looked through, the less the pain stung. whilst carlos was always going to miss his baby girl, he knew that not everything was lost just because she was gone.

liked by alionasainz, carlossainzofficial and 78k others

carlossainz55 evangelina elliana sainz was me and my wife's first baby and it hurts my heart as well as my wife's knowing that she's gone. these four photos only some of what we have left to remember her by. but these photos are how i want to remember our eldest daughter. remembering the hospital trips, the endless tears and screams, the hair loss, the sleepless nights, chemotherapy treatments and it's constantly side effects, the appointments that i would have to miss due to race weekends leaving aliona all alone with the kids was only just a slither of my daughter's life even if it was the most expensive and time--consuming, it's a part of life that i just want to forget because those moments do not reflect who our eldest daughter really was at all. she was a funny, sweet, gorgeous, kind, loving little girl that only wanted what was best for her younger siblings, her family and friends. she was the best big sister to anastaysia, rosalia and santiago and it breaks my heart more than anything that the rest of our kids have lost that guiding light in their life now. evangelina only seven, the twins, rosalia and santiago five and anastaysia only four when their older sister died in the middle of a surgery. a surgery that was confident in removing the rest of the brain tumour she had been diagnosed with, giving her a more fighting chance in beating her terminal illness. this past week has felt so long and strenuous that it has truly been a struggle but seeing all the love from everyone, within formula one and on social media has truly been really sweet and special for me and my family to be reading and we are very grateful for it. it was an honour to get to have the privlege to be evangelina's papa for seven years and i would do it all again just to see her again. mama and papa love you forever, evangelina 🤍

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alionasainz love you mi amor! evangelina will always be missed by all of us 🤍

carlossainz55 alionasainz love you more mi amor! and yes she will, she'll never not be missed 🤍

carlossainzofficial sólo desearía poder quitarte este dolor, hijo mío. i only wish i could take this pain away from you my son

carlossainz55 carlossainzofficial gracias papá, ojalá yo también pudiera. te amo thank you dad, i wish i could as well. i love you

charlesleclerc missing our sweet evangelina a little more today

carlossainz55 charlesleclerc there's never a day we won't miss her i don't think!

alexandrasaintmleux these photos are so sweet carlos! she was such a precious little girl and we miss her every single day

carlossainz55 alexandrasaintmleux thank you alex! she was truly a sweetheart and i do miss her all the time

sainzachu we miss her so much, carlos. thank you so much to you and aliona for letting us to have a look in at your family life with your children. they are all gorgeous and love you so much

carlossainz55 sainzachu thank you so much! and it was and still is a joy to share little snippets of our family with you guys and we'll continue to do so!

landonorris this was lovely, carlos. we miss her little face every single day and i have no doubt that she is protecting rosalia, santiago and anastaysia every single day

carlossainz55 landonorris thank you lando! and i appreciate you saying that, i do believe as well that we are being looked after by her

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alionasainz rosalia, santiago and anastaysia will never forget their older hermana, evangelina. and neither will mama and papa! please be safe up there, evangelina and i hope you're not scared! mama and papa love you forever sweet girl 🤍

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carlossainz55 esto me duele el corazón, mi amor! evangelina realmente completó nuestra pequeña familia this makes my heart hurt, my love! evangelina really did complete our little family

alionasainz carlossainz55 a mí también me duele el corazón, mi amor! pero estaremos bien, lo prometo it makes my heart hurt too my love! but we'll be okay, i promise

anasainzvdc mi pequeña evangelina! la extraño muchísimo my little baby evangelina! i miss her terribly!

alionasainz anasainzvdc yo se, verdad? era tan pequeña en estas fotos! y todos la extrañamos, ana i know right? she was so little in these photos! and we all miss her, ana

landonorris breaking my heart with these posts! evangelina is keeping you all safe, aliona, please never doubt that!

alionasainz landonorris these posts are heartbreaking lando, and you are such a sweetheart for saying that! we'll never doubt evangelina's love for us

lecachusainzachu i can't even imagine just how this grief must feel! it must be unimaginable! evangelina looked like she was a lovely and very sweet girl and she'll be missed by so many

alionasainz lecachusainzachu thank you my love! and i'm glad you can't imagine this grief because it truly is unimaginable!

maxverstappen1 sending every bit of love and hugs and kisses as i possibly can, aliona! evangelina will forever be missed and never forgotten

alionasainz maxverstappen1 thank you so much, maxie! carlos, the kids and i are really so appreicative of everything you and kelly have done for us along with the other drivers! you have made this grief feel so much lighter than it would have if we didn't have you guys so we really do love and appreciate you all a lot for what you've done for us!

there are moments that the words don't reach, there is a grace too powerful to name, we push away what we can never understand. we push away the unimaginable.

fin

well this was a depressing rewrite but it had to be done since you know what it means when i am recycling old fanfics: i have writer's block and am stuck in finding inspiration! like, i haven't forgotten about my original works, they are still holding it up perfectly in the drafts but i just don't know where the inspiration has gone to finish them! but i do promise they will be finished as soon as i am able to finish them because i truly was so excited about them but just lost inspo halfway through writing all of them.

[evenfallwriter]

to burn for your love - CH 1

to burn for your love - chapter one || Prompt: Day 14 - Witches and Wizards Role Reversal

Chuuya leaves after the flags dies, taking the hand that Murase has offered him and Dazai is left behind to watch as he becomes one with the light, shining brighter than any sun that he has ever caught sight of- till he no longer has to anymore.

The first time Chuuya leaves, he does it alone- the second time, however, he finds himself dragging Dazai along.

RATING; Not Rated

CHAPTER; 1/3

STORY WARNINGS; Graphic Descriptions of Violence, Temporary Major Character Death, Suicidal Mindset, Burning (but not exactly fully), Building Collapsing, Falling

FANDOM: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs

RELATIONSHIPS/PAIRINGS; Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu & Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Armed Detective Agency Ensemble & Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Armed Detective Agency Ensemble & Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs)

CHARACTERS; Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Armed Detective Agency Ensemble (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Akutagawa Ryuunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Oda Sakunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs)

ADDITIONAL TAGS; Armed Detective Agency Member Oda Sakunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Armed Detective Agency Member Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Armed Detective Agency Member Akutagawa Ryuunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Nakahara Chuuya Leaves the Port Mafia (Bungou Stray Dogs), Alternate Universe - Dazai Osamu Remains with the Port Mafia (Bungou Stray Dogs), Not Actually Unrequited Love, Suffering Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Temporary Character Death, Time Travel Fix -It

BAD THINGS HAPPEN BINGO PROMPTS || @badthingshappenbingo

- Hurts to Breathe

ANY FANDOM GOES BINGO PROMPTS|| @anyfandomgoesbingo

- Missing Each Other

ANY FANDOM ANGST BINGO PROMPTS || @anyfandomangstbingo

- Lost in the Fire

ANY FANDOM DARK BINGO PROMPTS || @anyfandomdarkbingo

- Falling From a great Height

LGBTQ BINGO || @lgbtqbingo

- Running Away

[butraura]

Work (no longer) In Progress Wednesday

(I just wanted an excuse to post this)

Title: drowning on dry land

Word Count: 5100

Summary: The one in which Buck overdoses and Christopher watches as Eddie tries unsuccessfully to save him.

Main Tags: angst, hurt/no comfort, suicide, overdose, POV Christopher Diaz, Pre-Lawsuit, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH

[kenobster]

6 and 13 for the unhinged star wars meme pls

Your Pal’s Star Wars Ask Game

Thank you for the ask friend!!!

6. What is your favorite Star Wars meme?

Lmao, I spent an unhealthy amount of time scrolling google images the other night to refresh my memory on the memes available. ‘Twas worth it because I remembered my absolute two favorites!!!

The I Could Fix Him meme applied to Anakin. Apparently I never reblogged this, but it’s been the subject of many of my conversations lmao.

Anything involving the Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the wise. Pretty much any of them slay me dead, but here’s some notable examples:

The one about "Kids These Days"

The one where Anakin flunked a Jedi course

The one about proper theater performance etiquette 

And then of course the totally off-topic ones, like the heirloom seeds one

Honorable shoutouts go to any meme about Obi-Wan being a slut (example); this specific “unwell about this man” variant; ILU vs IDLSICARAIAIGE; the Jedi Council Chamber Master Tantrum memes (first example, second example); and the classic Anakin & Padme Four-Panel.

13. What is your earliest Star Wars memory?

Star Wars was pretty much my first hyperfixation (not sure which came first, that or LOTR). I had a very active imagination as a kid. So I was reading the Jedi Apprentice series by Jude Watson, and I, like any kid, played pretend that the Force was real. I got super into Jedi philosophy. In fact, I prided myself on being able to not cry out whenever I stubbed my toe or some such because I would acknowledge the pain and “let it wash over me” like in those books. My pain tolerance skyrocketed and lasts even to this day, haha. 

Sound kinda weird but generally like the typical fun kid stuff, right? Well, funny you should say that (at least, funny to me XD). Because believing in the Force (you know, the way kids do) meant that I also believed it was possible to sense when things go wrong. Which, when combined with my active imagination, meant that if kid!me got, say, a Bad Feeling, then kid!me would believe that something bad was actually happening (or that something bad was about to happen). And I’m pretty sure some of y’all are already whipping out your DSM-V copies and crossing off the criteria for Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). And you would be absolutely correct. 

One particular afternoon, while at swimming lessons, I (an 8-10 year old) got the Worst Bad Feeling Ever (which I now understand was a panic attack but really had no idea that's what it was and didn't know to tell anyone). Something felt seriously wrong to me. I actually had to stop swimming that day because I was terrified I was going to drown—which was freakishly unusual for me. Like, I can’t even begin to explain how much I do not have a fear of water. I not only love to swim... I was actually an incredibly good swimmer. At that point, my next step would have been to start competing! But that afternoon, I was terrified like I'd never been. 

Coincidentally, it turns out that my grandmother (who had been planning to surprise us by showing up at our swimming lessons that day) had gotten in a really bad car accident and needed to be taken to the ER by ambulance. She ended up fine, but… suffice to say, this experience did not help to slow down my growing belief in Force powers… nor my rapidly developing GAD. :’) 

I actually quit swimming not long after this experience, partly because I continued to have what kid!me didn’t know were breathing-related panic attacks while I swam. After a few weeks, the panic attacks stopped (for twenty years anyway), but by then, I had become interested in other things. Plus, I was going through a depressive episode at the time (again, kid!me was completely unaware of this and did not know to explain to anyone what was going on). Funnily enough, this depressive episode was also jumpstarted by a Jude Watson book. I literally remember sitting alone under a tree on the playground, crying to myself, and wondering what "the point of life" was... as an 8-10 year old. All because I’d just finished reading the book where Siri Tachi dies. Can’t make this shit up, hahaha.

Anyway, so those are my first memories of Star Wars. XD And I guess you can feel bad for me if u want, but personally I find it hilarious lol. In some way or another, I’ve always been fucked up about these men.

[julietkirsh]

Drabble turned into monster, Soukoku is the victim this time💀

Summary

When Dazai dies, it doesn't happen out of hate or love or anger; emotions as profound as those are not involved in the mere act of passing away, at least not in his, as expected.

It is solitary, and soaked in an unspeakable misery so deep and unsettling that even contemplating it seems impossible; so none talks about it, not really.

People try to move on with life, as they should, but what people prefer doing never occured to Chuuya, not in the slightest.

He can't help but remember it all, bringing to mind every little insignificant detail of an existence he had never completely understood, a indomable fury boiling in his bloodstream as he does so.

Nevertheless, he doesn't burn like others would; but in the end, how could he, inhuman as he was conceived?

Where others perish, he thrives; and anger, he is fueled by.