#Suicidal Mindset

[evenfallwriter]

at least the war is over (chapter one)

at least the war is over - chapter one || Prompt: Day 20 - reconnection

In meursault Dazai closes his eyes in his ex partners arms. Chuuya is dead-set on keeping him alive thoug-, he isn't letting him runaway this time, never again.

RATING; General Audiences

CHAPTER; 1/4

STORY WARNINGS; gory descriptions, suicidal mindset, dehumanization, descriptions of injuries, probably inaccurate medical treatment, Bungou Stray Dog’s Chapter 107 spoilers

FANDOM: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs

RELATIONSHIPS/PAIRINGS; Dazai Osamu & Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), (can also be interpreted as Romantic), Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Armed Detective Agency Ensemble & Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Armed Detective Agency Ensemble & Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu & Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Akutagawa Ryuunosuke & Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs)

CHARACTERS; Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Chuuya Nakahara (Bungou Stray Dogs), Armed Detective Agency Ensemble (Bungou Stray Dogs)

ADDITIONAL TAGS; Dazai Osamu Needs a Hug (Bungou Stray Dogs), Bungou Stray Dogs Chapter 107: In The Small Room part 3 section 1, Bungou Stray Dogs Chapter 107: In the Small Room Part 3 Section 1 Spoilers, Broken Bones, Suffering Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu Has a Bad Time (Bungou Stray Dogs), References to Depression, Dazai Osamu is a Mess (Bungou Stray Dogs), Caring Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Armed Detective Agency Member Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Comatose Dazai Osamu, Dazai Osamu-centric (Bungou Stray Dogs)

BAD THINGS HAPPEN BINGO PROMPTS || @badthingshappenbingo

- Internal Bleeding

ANY FANDOM ANGST BINGO PROMPTS || @anyfandomangstbingo

- Free Space

ANY FANDOM DARK BINGO PROMPTS || @anyfandomdarkbingo

- Doesn't Realise They've Been Injured

[zeb-z]

There’s something so important about Gillion - who never heals himself, who rushes into danger, who hides his wounds- facing death and realizing he isn’t unafraid as he was raised to be. He uses his magic on himself to help with the exhaustion, to keep his life intact. And still he tries to comfort Jay and Chip while he’s coherent, being realistic about his chances but refusing to make it painful. Wanting their possible last moments to be light, to be about seemingly inconsequential things, small favorites that still mean the world to him purely because they’re Chip and Jay’s favorites. And then when all is said and done, he makes a raccoon for Jay. He talks about raspberries for Chip. He uses his last saved up arcane energy to try desperately to stay awake, and it works, and it saves him in the final hour.

It’s just. There’s something about how he hasn’t had a chance to rest since the Feywild, really, truly rest. How this whole time he’s been down on himself and taking extreme risks. And now, at what might be the end of it all, he realizes he doesn’t want to die. He wants to live. And not to be able to save others, not to fulfill his destiny, not out of obligation to anyone else - but purely for himself. For all the little things. And though it’s not quite healing in the literal term, his nearly final act was spent trying to save himself - and it worked.

[luneinary]

thinking about shuichi ryoma parallels ...

[dayurno]

hiii dayurno could you tell me more about raven!jeremy? it's such a new idea sounds very interesting!!!

hiii of course! buckle up. long story and also a collab with ao3 kevjean :3

well first of all let me say that in this au jeremy is not part of the perfect court or in fact even close to it at all. he’s a sub striker with a high jersey number who did not see much playtime during his career as a raven and was on the lower end of the raven spectrum skill-wise. this is important to tell you because the fic doesn’t start with jeremy in the ravens, it starts with him dealing with the aftermath of the nest getting dissolved and losing every bit of his hopes and dreams after sacrificing everything in his life to make it in eau—it starts with kevin salvaging the last dregs of jeremy’s college career by recruiting him for the foxes for his last year, even though jeremy, as an ex raven, hates him (and jean) for what they’ve done both to riko and to their team

ok good. so set the scene. jeremy is miserable. the ravens already didn’t like kevin and jean to begin with, isolated as they were from the perfect court. now jeremy lost not only his team but the lifestyle surrounding it, the ideology of the ravens, his partner, and his career prospects. he doesn’t have the eau raven title anymore and he can’t use it to get himself in the line of sight of most pro team recruiters. he gave up a family (that didn’t love him much, but still) and a trustfund for this. kevin day leaves the nest, jean moreau follows soon after, and their king kills himself. Do you understand how much jeremy hates them? kevin and jean were perfect court, were untouchable, didn’t even know or care to learn his name as a sub striker with not much under his belt—and then they left and destroyed everything jeremy had worked so hard for without even thinking about him. without remembering him at all, in fact.

he hates them!!!!!!!! desperately. With a passion. getting recruited for the foxes and by kevin day on top of it all is humiliating, but it’s the last chance he has. jeremy arrives in palmetto an angry hateful mess made ten times worse by kevin’s constant criticism of him, unaccustomed with normal life and without a partner for the first time in four years. he’s volatile and destructive and he has nothing to live for. exy is the only thing he wants and it doesn’t want him back. :) kevin steps in and takes jeremy’s game from him much like he did with neil, both out of desperation because the foxes are a mess now with the addition of their freshmen, and because, while jeremy isn’t really anything to write home about in terms of skill, he’s far more ambitious and disciplined than the average fox. jeremy hates kevin but can’t afford to reject his help. thus begins the most convoluted raven partnership to ever exist

jeremy hates kevin and has a non-negligible wish to harm him whichever way he can, but he’s also a raven that escaped the nest all on his own. he latches onto kevin immediately, the two of them becoming partners in the raven sense of the world while clashing Often and Intensely with each other both on and off court. their relationship gets more and more volatile the more jeremy goes out of his way to get under kevin’s skin, resentful and so angry at what the perfect court’s done to him, while kevin sinks his feet in and pushes jeremy way past his limits in his training. basically they are a match made in hell :) lots of hatefucking and jealousy and violence and the one murder attempt ensue as the foxes try to navigate this destructive, hopeless version of jeremy that wants to die and take down as much as he can in the process, up to and including kevin day. they’re together every second of the day and jeremy hates him for everything kevin took from the ravens, but he also depends on kevin’s training and presence to feel like a person again. it’s a really big mess basically that is eventually made worse (and better) by kevin and jeremy starting to sleep together to get the adrenaline out raven-style. and that’s all without jean coming along, which he will eventually

[blujaymi]

so...it seems like ruby wants to ascend to be like summer.

but given that it's been said that the tree and ascension are about "acceptance", i don't think ruby is really going to ascend in the traditional sense.

ruby's goal for herself and her identity has always been to "be like the heroes in the books".

and now we've seen how jaune has handled that mindset (hint: it wasn't a great way of thinking. ouch).

part of that identity has been centered around summer. she inherited her emblem. she inherited her silver eyes. she's always being compared to her, and she's been living in her mother's shadow—"super mom", the perfect hero.

Qrow: You're special the same way your mom was.

rather, that's the version of summer that ruby has held onto. she's trying to live up to an expectation that was never really set in the first place, because summer wasn't perfect.

Yang: Mom took a risk the day she left. And I don't think it went the way she wanted it to, but she's still my hero.

which—side tangent—i feel like is part of the reason yang didn't seem to notice just how far ruby was falling, so to speak.

yang doesn't see summer as such complete perfection, but she's still her hero.

Yang: It's not like we were asking her to be perfect.

and of course, she (and everyone but ruby herself, really) doesn't expect perfection from ruby either.

and don't get me wrong, yang still definitely idolizes summer—just in a different way from ruby. ruby's idolization of summer is much more...unhealthy. she feels like ruby rose is not enough, but that summer rose is.

Ruby: And it never, ever goes away. The feeling of not being...enough. The Blacksmith: And how would you measure...enough?

that being said, i'm getting the feeling that we may be getting some insight into summer, whether that be through some flashbacks of her failures, or maybe even how she died (i can only dream).

through that, i think ruby might be able to finally accept herself, because summer wasn't perfect either. ruby is not her, she's her own person.

and she's enough.

[cecenyss]

I can’t believe they ended the umbrella academy season 4 with I think we’re alone now. They do not deserve I think we’re alone now.

[hotgirlyshit]

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

Just finished reading Pez Dispenser Debris (I don’t even go there but I am fueled by Wiki articles and a love for your storytelling) and first of all—amazing!!! 10/10, I think I need to watch this series now. 

Second, I  noticed that (while very much distinct) Yuuta & Izuku have a lot of similarities in the voice you gave them—maybe it’s the constant panic attacks or perhaps both of  them placing blame for everything squarely on their own shoulders, but ough it makes for the perfect blend of gut-punching angst. I’d love to hear any ramblings you currently have about either of them. I am currently obsessed with both of them now and am placing the blame on you <3

I’m gonna pretty heavily discuss some spoilers for my hero academia in this. I figured that was okay since you’d already read my fanfic and the wiki so the cat is out of the metaphorical bag. That being said, maybe wait to read this answer if you want to not be spoiled for more details in my hero.

Yuuta and Izuku absolutely have the most similar voices out of all of my narrators and it is 90% because they are both completely insane and in violent need of a Xanax and a nice soothing cup of chamomile tea. God I love them both so much. They should each be heavily medicated.

My hero academia is a pretty great watch through the Shie Hassaikai arc. The concept is entertaining, the characters are GREAT, and the world building is really cool.

Then the story sort of. Went to shit.

I tried for a while after that, but eventually had to stop watching. My friends and I have a group chat named “horikoshi just call us” because we got so despondent at the writing decisions after that arc.

Horikoshi. If you’re out there. If you’re reading this. Just call us. We just want to help.

That being said, my love for the characters maintains its death grip on me. I simply adore them. They’re delights.

Yuuta and Izuku, on their face, have a lot of similarities as protagonists. The aforementioned insanity and need of Xanax, of course, but the skeleton of the stories has a lot of common touchstones and themes, like:

Both characters have some kind of history with suicidal ideation or tendencies. In the second scene of JJK0, it’s established that Yuuta canonically tried to kill himself. In the first episode of BNHA, Izuku is told to kill himself by his bullies, in an act which appears to be common to izuku’s life, and the only reason Izuku comes up with to not do it is “then you’d get in trouble for telling me to do it.”

Both characters have severe self worth issues. Yuuta’s looking for a reason to be alive at the start of JJK0. He’s looking for a right to be alive. In a way, Izuku is too at the start of BNHA. At the open of action, he is told by everyone in his life that he is useless. His nickname is “Deku,” which uses some of the same kanji as “Dekunobo,” meaning blockhead. The most direct translation were given is that this is a way of calling him useless. He’s the powerless member of a society choked with superpower, and he’s been told his entire life that he can do nothing, that his dreams are pointless, and that he’s a burden who would be better off dead.

They’re both saddled with power they can’t fully control. Yuuta with Rika, and Izuku with One for All, a transferable power that’s too strong to be contained in his body.

They both have a close relationship with an impossibly strong mentor that they are implied to be the successor of. Yuuta with Gojo, as he’s second only to Gojo in the modern age, and Izuku with All Might (aka Toshinori Yaga), who he is more literally taking on the mantle of One for All from.

They both are chugging that Loving Their Friends Juice and have tried to kill grown men with their bare hands as a result

That all being said, they could not be more different characters and honestly aren’t all that similar.

I have this sort of lasting grievance with literary analysis when people take a list of common plot points or events and use them to make the argument that characters are similar or parallel one another. Like, that’s all facial. The real question is how do they substantively handle those events. How do their story arcs treat those things? How does their character react to them?

Yuuta and Izuku’s actual substantive characters don’t really react to those events in the same way at all. The analysis could go on all day in this respect, really, but the biggest difference is how their respective story arcs treat the cornerstone of their original conflicts.

Yuuta opens action with Rika as the cornerstone of his conflict. She’s who he wants to free, she’s who he’s chained to, and it’s her protection of him that makes him think he deserves to die. Izuku’s cornerstone, meanwhile, is his own Quirklessness. He desperately wants to be a hero, and everyone in his life tells him he can’t be because he is Quirkless. He’s useless because he’s Quirkless. He should kill himself because he’s Quirkless. He’s a burden and always will be because he’s Quirkless.

And while Yuuta’s arc reconciles him with his cornerstone, Izuku’s forgoes it entirely.

The story just. Forgets. That he’s Quirkless. They stop talking about it. It never comes up again. It doesn’t make any real big impact on his character or decisions. It’s one of my biggest axes to grind with how the story developed, and it’s actually one of the biggest reasons why I wrote pez dispenser debris.

Pez dispenser debris was actually inspired by this one piece of my hero academia art where Izuku is hugging his younger self. I don’t know if it was official art or fan art, and I have no idea where it is or where to find it because by god have I tried so I can find it and link it for credit/to boost it. I saw it literally years ago, thought “oh that’s cool,” wrote the original first scene of the fic (where Midoriya stops the bus and is hit by the Quirk), wasn’t feeling it, got distracted by other projects, went to law school, graduated law school, signed up to take the bar exam, and was suddenly electrified in the last fucking month of studying with this fugue state of feverish artistic inspiration. I have never written so easily or so compulsively in my life. I’d write for eight unbroken hours and it would be fucking magic every time. It was like an addiction. I was writhing with a need to create and had so much fucking anxiety about the test I was not studying for instead. The words could not be restrained.

Anyway I taught myself three subjects on the plane ride to the state I was taking it in and passed anyway so it’s fine we’re fine

The moral of the story is that this story has been cooking long enough for me to get two more diplomas than I had when I started it and I have no idea where to find that fucking piece of art that inspired it, but if I find it, I’ll reblog it so y’all can see it too.

The thing is, the narrative sort of forcibly excluding Izuku’s past as Quirkless would make total sense to me if it was used as something Izuku himself was doing.

Izuku necessarily had to hide the truth of his former Quirkless status at the start of action—he needed to keep the secret of One for All. Like, he could not let people find out that a Quirk was transferrable, but you know, just the most powerful one, and also he had it, please come torture it out of him.

But as the narrative goes on, that rationale becomes less important. He has people he can trust with it. And yeah, eventually One for All becomes more known, but the discussion is all about him being all might’s successor. Him being Quirkless and how that affected him and still affects him isn’t really discussed or treated as important. And Izuku doesn’t act like it’s important to him either. He never really thinks about it.

And I just hated that. Like. He spent almost his entire life as a member of society who was spit on. He’s had a Quirk for less than a year. How are his experiences with Quirklessness not important to how he interacts with the world?

The other point of contention I had was Mirio.

Mirio is this superstar of a senpai who takes Izuku under his wing. He has an extremely powerful quirk that’s only as effective as it is because he put in the work and learned how to handle it. He’s a perfect, eternally smiling paragon of heroism. He’s flagged early as the one out of everyone, including heroes with established careers, who is most likely to replace All Might.

He’s also the one who was supposed to get One for All.

His mentor had found him and trained him to be All Might’s successor. Before All Might could meet him, however, he found this feral raccoon child in a sewer and said “oh my god I can’t not offer him incomprehensible power within the first three hours of meeting him” and tripped face first into fatherhood.

During a rescue mission, Mirio loses his Quirk in a way that’s borderline irreversible. There’s no known cure, and the only possible one is dependent on a little girl learning how to control an extremely volatile and dangerous quirk and using it in a way she never has before.

So surely, they’re going to commit to that writing decision, right? He’s Quirkless. We’re bringing back having Quirkless characters. It’s going to be this sick as hell juxtaposition between Izuku and Mirio. We are at least going to force Izuku to reflect on his own times as Quirkless or have some kind of discussion about how Mirio is treated differently now that he is Quirkless.

But no. He gets his Quirk back by the next season. We don’t talk about it much. It’s more of a minor inconvenience than anything.

It’s almost as if the show accepted as an actual rule that you couldn’t be a hero without a Quirk. And then just. Forgot. Everything it had to do with its literal protagonist.

Anyway, I hated it.

In contrast, I fucking loved how yuuta’s storyline with Rika ends. That scene where Yuuta’s turning back to Rika, thanking her for loving him, telling him they can die together? I’m obsessed with it. I recently moved across the country and listened to that theme song on loop during the drive.

Yuuta and Rika’s love was unhealthy. They hurt each other. But it wasn’t malicious.

They just didn’t know how to love each other in a way that didn’t hurt.

They were in shit circumstances. But the love was there.

Yuuta felt guilty for Rika’s love for him and his for her almost the entire narrative. He thought he cursed her with his love. He wanted to kill himself because of how she hurt people out of love for him. It’s why I have moments in sea glass gardens where Yuuta talks about begging Rika to stop loving him—he didn’t know why love had to hurt so goddamn bad, and he’s sorry for that, he really is. He wishes he was better at it than he was.

At the end of JJK0, Yuuta truly is the last person who remembers Rika as she was and still loves her for who she is. He’s faced with Geto, who wants to use her as a weapon. Everyone treats her as a threat or a tool, except for Yuuta.

Like. Just that moment. Of loving someone so genuinely, and being the last one who does, and knowing that everyone else will just use them. I’m obsessed with it.

Yuuta reconciles with his love for Rika and her love for him, and they’re both finally freed. It’s this perfect moment of acceptance that I adore. He comes to terms with his past. It doesn’t hurt him so much anymore.

I wrote pez dispenser debris to sort of force Izuku to have that kind of reconciliation. As it is, he hasn’t reconciled with his own Quirklessness and how that affected him. I wanted to give him something he couldn’t physically escape and had to face.

[heartshattering]

I wish my family could just accept that there are some things I'm too anxious and mentally ill to accomplish in life. No matter how hard I try I can't just "get over it" and "stop being so anxious". I've had doctors treat me like a lost cause and even though it's "sad" isn't it far worse to just push myself to the point of having a mental breakdown?

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

Traveling out of state to go visit my (now ex) gf and coming home with covid is such a double whammy.

[evenfallwriter]

at least the war is over - CH 2

at least the war is over - chapter one || Prompt: Day 30- afterlife

In meursault Dazai closes his eyes in his ex partners arms. Chuuya is dead-set on keeping him alive thoug-, he isn't letting him runaway this time, never again.

RATING; General Audiences

WORD COUNT; 3709

CHAPTER; 2/4

STORY WARNINGS; gory descriptions, suicidal mindset, dehumanization, descriptions of injuries, probably inaccurate medical treatment, Bungou Stray Dog’s Chapter 107 spoilers

FANDOM: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs

RELATIONSHIPS/PAIRINGS; Dazai Osamu & Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), (can also be interpreted as Romantic), Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Armed Detective Agency Ensemble & Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Armed Detective Agency Ensemble & Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu & Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Akutagawa Ryuunosuke & Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs)

CHARACTERS; Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Chuuya Nakahara (Bungou Stray Dogs), Armed Detective Agency Ensemble (Bungou Stray Dogs)

ADDITIONAL TAGS; Dazai Osamu Needs a Hug (Bungou Stray Dogs), Bungou Stray Dogs Chapter 107: In The Small Room part 3 section 1, Bungou Stray Dogs Chapter 107: In the Small Room Part 3 Section 1 Spoilers, Broken Bones, Suffering Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu Has a Bad Time (Bungou Stray Dogs), References to Depression, Dazai Osamu is a Mess (Bungou Stray Dogs), Caring Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Armed Detective Agency Member Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Comatose Dazai Osamu, Dazai Osamu-centric (Bungou Stray Dogs)

ANY FANDOM GOES BINGO PROMPTS|| @anyfandomgoesbingo

Old Flame

MULTIFANDOM FLASH-MINI EVENT (AUG 11 - NOV 11) || @multifandom-flash

Blood from the Mouth (C2006) Violence is the Only Option (C2007)

[spaciebabie]

citrine and spinel's relationship summarized.

this happens in canon btw

[cashmere-caveman]

Hanif Abdurraqib, it’s not like nikola tesla knew all of those people were going to die | Anne Carson, H of H Playbook | Richard Siken, Snow and Dirty Rain | Franz Wright, Heaven | Toby Whithouse, shooting script for Being Human S1E1 | Franz Wright, Heaven | Erin Slaughter, I Hope My Salt Lamp is a Weeping Deity | Richard Siken, Straw House, Straw Dog & My Country: The New Age, Episode 16

image descriptions in alt

[afitnessgoddess]

affirmations

Let's work on our mindset. I am constantly seeing post about depression, anxiety, suicide, and negative things we are constantly going through. Let's start small and for at least 7 days listen to affirmations but also repeat affirmations daily. On the 7th day lets go for another 7 days.

here are some daily affirmations to help shape our mindset and to just get started.

rampage affirmations for rapidly transforming into your highest self

affirmations for putting yourself into receiving

affirmations for people who battle suicidal thoughts

affirmations for wealth and prosperity

rampage affirmation for self-confidence

I am wealthy and rich affirmations

subliminal soft feminine

subliminal masculine confidence

dream life subliminal

I am lucky rampage affirmations

mind shifting affirmations

health and healing affirmations

gratitude affirmations

[d-the-australian-dork]

people certain that james somerton lied about killing himself as if there isn't a chance he tried and just failed

[horrorlesbians]

here to say that hart should’ve died for cohle because he needed to be wiped from the earth anyway

originally they were both supposed to die in carcosa and their bodies would never be found. i like the uncharacteristically optimistic ending for rust, but it would be so fucking tragic for marty to die saving rust or dying because rust is unable to save him. not only does rust not get to die and return to everyone he ever loved, but he also gets to live with the guilt that he dragged marty back into his world only to kill him. haha yeas < sicko voice