#rewatching chapter 2 and it just got me thinking | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

captn-trex · 10 hours ago

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wnefojaenf thank you so much !!!!! i'm honoured to be subjected to a lupe-style ramble haha <3

I'm gonna ramble back because you pointed out some stuff that I love

yeah this characterisation was super fun to write. at first I was worried he would come across as a little boring, kinda just being gentlemanly and nice or whatever, but I think that when they're opening up to each other it becomes a nice compliment to the way the reader goes on, particularly as she can be a little flirty and he's just like 😳 idk how to deal with this

and that's my favourite bit of the chapter too omg !!!! I'm not really one to think that my writing is good enough to dissect a lot, but that interaction was definitely something I thought about a lot, and that one section you pulled really shows the entire crux of why they work well together. she's just speaking honestly, just saying what she truly believes, and howzer almost takes it as a joke like 'oh yeah, well what am I owed?' but without hesitation she tells him that he deserves a lot more than how he thinks about himself. having him kinda not understanding the gravity of her words [about him getting what he's owed] at first was important to me, like it doesn't really click for him just how simply compassionate she is until that moment, and honestly that there are people in the galaxy who actually care about what happens to him and his brothers.

and this links so much to what you said about howzer's inner thoughts!!! this story ends basically right before we meet him in tbb (but we're gonna pretend he doesn't get imprisoned because I choose to live in delusion), and at first I was wondering if I was making it too political compared to what he's like in the show (in the part 2 particularly) but then I rewatched his s1 episodes and I do think it fits really well with how he acts, like he's kinda just worn down and suspicious of the imperials and.. yeah. I guess I tried to implement that, and also give a reason as to why he's so sceptical (it's because reader as been feeding him anti-imperial propaganda hehe)

yeah the whole clone rights business really scratches my brain in the right way. the picnic scene was my favourite to write in the whole thing I think :) just opening up to one anther, and howzer getting to see who she really is.

and thank you!! yeah I definitely put a lot of myself into this fic, particularly with the more political stuff (definitely inspired by my thoughts on.. real life events, even though I wrote most of if before the election)

anyway sorry that was long lmao, you just picked out some stuff that really exemplified what I was trying to do so that's really awesome :) I'm glad it got across to you :) thank you so much for reading !! <3<3

angel of small death

Howzer x F!Reader / Twi'lek!Reader

word count: 7.8k / 23k

part one | part two | part three

description: after the rise of the Empire, Howzer finds his position on Ryloth to be precarious at best, but his attention is drawn from his troubles when he finds himself captivated by a new politician’s arrival

warnings/tags: 18+ !!! strangers to lovers, mutual pining, some angst — political thoughts/discussions throughout, specific reference to clone rights/treatment/autonomy in this part, fluff :) smut in part three

a/n: ok I'm actually very proud of this one. lowkey my magnum opus. It took so fucking long to write though omg. if you get the title you get it, re: français risqué. but also howzer is hozier-coded in my mind and I can't tell you what that means. gentlemanly but not immune to hot women? perhaps? part two in a couple days :)

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Howzer shifted uncomfortably in his spot. He had never been one to play politics, but the conversations that he had been overhearing of late had him worried.

He stood guard at the door while Cham Syndulla spoke with diplomats of various denominations around a large oval table, and all the talk of the newly risen Empire made his insides twist with an unpleasant feeling. There was something truly sinister in play, he just couldn’t place it. That’s what distressed him the most about it.

He had heard of a new refinery that was situated at the edge of the city, he’d heard the rumours that the Empire’s methods were less than humane, that they were using slave labour. He didn’t want to put stake in false claims, but the whispers were getting louder. He wouldn’t dare speak of it to Cham, especially not now, while tensions were already so high.

He could see the focus on his superior’s face, a displeased expression that he knew all too well; a deep frown on his lips that would turn the tide of any conversation to his favour. The senatorial representatives seemed unphased, however. Howzer presumed they were more familiar with the tactics of politicians, of which Cham wasn’t recognised as by the senate, despite how much harder he had fought for Ryloth’s freedom than Orn Free Taa. The Hammer of Ryloth would fall on anyone in his path eventually, no matter how they were resisting his opening gambit, Howzer knew that.

It was what worried him the most.

There was no way Cham would be allowed to continue partaking in senator-level discussions, not when it was well known how the true senator of Ryloth felt threatened by his mere existence. He worried what Cham would do then. He could never be forced into subservience.

“Captain” the voice of his superior called to him, and he straightened, his gaze shifting over to the Twi’lek who approached, “is everything alright?”

“Everything is fine, sir” he replied assuredly, a respectful nod accompanying his words.

The diplomatic guests filed out of the door beside him, and Cham gave him an unsubtle and questioning look.

“Well then” he motioned to the door, “we are now to meet Senator Orn Free Taa in the foyer”

Howzer visibly cringed as he left the room behind Cham. He had never liked the politician. It was clear how little interest he had in his people, and how all of his attention was instead focused on making himself seem more important. Howzer didn’t play politics, but it didn’t take a genius to see that much.

He stalked down the hallway in silence, one step behind Cham, who in turn kept his distance from the senatorial reps.

“What is it Captain?” the Twi’lek asked him in a hushed voice, turning to face him.

Howzer sighed, looking to the floor ahead of him, “nothing sir, it’s just been a long week”

“Hm” Cham seemed unconvinced by his explanation, but he took it anyway, “it has been indeed”

At the start of the week, Howzer was still a soldier of the Republic. He was still a Captain in the Grand Army. Now? He wasn't sure what he was, or what he would become either. His men had been acting exceeding strangely, and he didn't know what to make of it. He figured that if he kept his head down and followed orders, something would come to light eventually.

The elevator ride down to the ground floor was quiet, and Howzer couldn’t have been more uncomfortable. The ping that let them know they had arrived brought a welcome reprieve to the tense atmosphere that surrounded the discontented politicians.

Cham's wife, Eleni, swept down stairs opposite, lifting the hem her gown in one hand. She held herself with the grace of a queen, acting accordingly, and Howzer had the utmost respect for her. He gave her a steady bow of his head, and she smiled warmly at him in return before greeting her husband with a kiss to his cheek.

“Where is our guest, my dear?” Cham spoke, running a hand down her arm.

Eleni chuckled, a pleasant and breathy sound, “Be patient my love”

Howzer kept his distance, hovering at the edge of everything. He preferred not to be involved, it was only his job to stand guard after all, and it was certainly no shame to miss out in conversation with Orn Free Taa.

The grand doors that opened into the square parted, a party of four being ushered in. It was unusual, ordinarily there was only the Senator and two of his aides. Howzer paid it no mind, keeping his gaze on those he was charged with protecting.

That was until his eyes caught the lilac skin of the fourth Twi'lek to enter the room. Her demeanour was a stark contrast to that of her counterparts. She bore a plain expression, and had none of the smug self-importance that the others had so perfected. Her clothes were a little more grandiose than the other aides, robes of rich velvet and silk hanging from her frame, cinched against skin and flowing freely in equal parts. She looked regal, and yet, there was something reserved about her appearance, as if she didn't want to make herself known.

For all that she hadn’t caught the attention of the other people present, Howzer could scarcely take his eyes from her.

“Senator” Cham welcomed him inside, “how wonderful it is to see you”

Howzer could hear how strained his voice was in saying the false words, and in the reply from the Senator even more so. He was not interested in the specifics of the mock flattery between the rival Twi'leks, he instead turned his focus to the woman who insisted on hiding herself behind the Senator.

He trailed his eyes down her lekku, which stretched past her waist and were adorned by pale swirling markings, reaching forwards towards her face and beneath her headdress. Her eyes were darkened by makeup, but when her irises met his, he was struck by the spark of life within them.

Her eyes found his a number of times throughout the exchange, the only two people who were not engaged in conversation. He tried to keep from staring entirely, not wishing to make her uncomfortable or seem improper, but his eyes always found their way back.

Eventually, Eleni addressed her, finally noticing the person who hung back from the Senator.

“What is your name? I don't think we've met before” she asked, taking her hand to shake.

You went to speak, but the Senator beat you to it.

“This is my aide” he explained, giving your name.

You looked at the man with a small amount of contempt before giving a polite nod to Eleni, “it’s a pleasure to meet you ma’am”

The sound was music to Howzer's ears. Your accent was similar to that of the other Twi'leks, though softened slightly, as if you had been off world for a long time.

Eleni smiled graciously, “the pleasure is all mine”

You stepped backwards, your hands folded neatly in front of you, and the conversation shortly dwindled. Cham was finding he had little to say to the pompous Senator, and luckily he was saved by way of his daughter, Hera, invading the room with her droid in toe.

Howzer smiled at the sight, and even more when Orn Free Taa looked visibly uncomfortable at the intrusion. He kept his head down from that point on, for fear of being called out for laughing at the Senator. He instinctively glanced over at you once more, and was pleasantly surprised to see you also having to hide your laughter.

Your lips were twisted in a smirk, your hand coming up to partially cover it, but from the angle, nothing was hidden from the clone. Your eyes met his, and a small moment passed between you, both of you having to try harder to supress your chuckles.

Howzer was convinced by that simple action alone, without having spoken to you himself, that in time he would find you to be the most welcome company.

When Howzer left the barracks the following morning, he was displeased to find that the air outside still felt heavy. It had been this way since the shift in power, an invisible mist that surrounded the people of Ryloth, but specifically his men. He took a deep breath, seeking some of the fresh air that should be present on sunny mornings such as this one, but evidently the powers of the galaxy didn’t see fit to reward him with any relief.

His walk towards the senate bureau was short enough, but Howzer revelled in every moment he could. Before long he’d be holed up inside once more, listening to overzealous politicians discuss the future of the planet, as if they knew the first thing about the inhabitants of it. Howzer couldn't help but feel resentful towards the bureaucrats. They posed as public servants, but being inside their talks, he knew they only cared for themselves. It was the reason that Cham and his freedom fighters had even had to step up during the war.

He tried not to let it weigh on his mind. There was nothing he could do to fix it, after all, and with the Empire on the rise, he wouldn’t presume that anyone else could either. He held back a sigh as he turned the corner into the square that the bureau overlooked, not needing to be questioned on why he looked so utterly defeated. As he strode across the square, his eyes caught on a glimmer of light, shining and dancing in the early morning sun, which he discovered had bounced from your silver headwear.

Howzer didn’t expect to see you again so soon, and he couldn't help but notice how utterly lost and confused you looked, wandering along the edge of the square and glancing all about the place. He smiled softly, adjusting his grip on his helmet, and changed direction to cross in your path.

“Are you alright miss?” he asked softly, not wishing to scare you.

You whirled around nonetheless, evidently a little surprised that someone had approached you. The moment your eyes caught his, he could see the embarrassment flash across them, and you let out a quiet self-deprecating chuckle.

“I appear to be lost” you informed him, though he had already figured that much out.

Instead of telling you that, he asked, “where are you headed?”

“Um… I'm not entirely sure” you admitted, a mauve blush appearing across your cheeks. Howzer gave you a patient smile as you collected yourself, finding it hard not to be instantly enamoured by you. “Might you know where the Senator resides?” you asked him, a hopeful look in your eyes.

He nodded, “I can show you the way if you like”

Your eyes lit up a little at his words, “that would be lovely, though I do hope it's not too far out of your way”

“It's not” Howzer assured with a kind smile, “this way”

You followed the clone trooper silently across the square, and he took stock of you in a flick of his eyes. Your robes were a dark plum colour, a little less formal than the queenly attire you had been wearing the previous day, but exceedingly opulent nonetheless. It was hard not to notice the clothes that you wore, not only because of their sophistication, but also because he himself never changed from the armour that he currently wore on his back.

“How long have you been working for Senator Taa?” he inquired, holding open the door to the building.

He noticed the way you sighed, squaring your jaw before you spoke, “a little over 3 years”

“So… you live on Coruscant?” he prompted, aiming to move the conversation from the imperious senator.

“I did” you looked up at him as you walked in tandem, a sad smile pulling at the corner of your lips.

Howzer instinctively raised his brows a little, “you don't like it here?”

“I do” you confirmed in an assured voice, your hands closing around your robes and lifting them an inch as you began climbing the stairs, “it’s my home planet, it’s just…”

Howzer watched the way your throat tightened as you forced yourself to swallow, burying your words. The action was filled with all the grace and restraint of a politician, though it was obvious that something was bothering you.

You gave him a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes, “I shouldn’t say. It’s not my place”

Howzer nodded with an amiable enough expression, though his eyes observed your movements carefully. Your fingers slotted together as the two of you reached the top of the stairs, hands joined in front of your robes, your gaze ahead of you, fixed and steady, and your mouth a hard line. You were impossible to read, and he found it more than a little unnerving.

“What about you?” you turned your attention to the clone beside you, “do you like it here?”

Howzer was a little startled. Aside from his brothers, no one but Cham or Eleni ever asked him about himself. There was an expectancy in your eyes however, something kind and patient as you waited for him to reply, something that told him you cared to know his answer.

“Oh, well” he began a little inelegantly, “anything is better than Kamino, I suppose”

You chuckled, a charming sound that made Howzer’s heart flutter with pride, “have you always been stationed here?”

“For most of my time in the war, yes” he replied, guiding you through a doorway and towards the office that the two of you had been searching out.

The hall was far more luxurious than those which Howzer usually passed through. There were grand arches and satin curtains which swayed gently in the breeze, the lavish wooden windows thrown open to overlook the city. Your imposing garb didn’t seem so garish here, it just made Howzer feel underdressed.

“Well, this is it” he smiled cordially, gesturing a gloved hand to the door at the end of the hall.

“Thank you” you stopped, squaring your shoulders with his and giving him an apologetic look, “I’m sorry, I didn’t even ask your name”

Howzer couldn’t help but smile at you with more intention. He had never known a politician apologise to him.

“It’s Howzer” he spoke, “and it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, ma’am”

You let out a breathy laugh, shaking your head slightly and a certain twinkle in your eye, “the pleasure is all mine, as long as you don’t call me that again”

Howzer huffed a small laugh, “certainly, my apologies”

“No need for apologies” you waved him off, “but thanks are in order, I would never have found my way here without you”

You held out your hand, and it took a moment for Howzer to register what was going on. He hesitated for a second longer even so, unsure if it was proper conduct to be touching senate officials, but your gracious expression made him give in. He took your hand and shook it firmly, though not gripping too hard for how delicate it looked wrapped by his fingers.

“Anytime” he bowed his head in respect and let his hand fall from yours as he exited the hallway.

Howzer could now admit that he was entirely fascinated by you. To him, you gave the air of such importance, especially as you were only an aide. Aside from that, you were unlike any of the other senate members he had had the misfortune of crossing. The difference being that you actually seemed pleasant to be around.

He took the route towards Cham’s office, and he had to suppress the grin that threatened to take over his face. He didn’t exactly know what he was grinning about, but he felt anything that could draw such a reaction from him in the troubling times he inhabited surely couldn’t be a bad thing.

The next few days passed in a blur of tedious meetings and rising tensions, and Howzer just kept his head down, staying out of everything. It was a welcome respite from the all-out conflict against the separatists, but he still couldn’t help but find it exceptionally dull.

As he had hoped, he had crossed paths with you reasonably often. He came to realise that you didn't speak an awful lot, or that you only spoke when you had something notable to say. You were practically silent in senate discussions, though you had a seat at the table. It only made Howzer more intrigued and confused, since the other aides stood behind the Senator, whereas your place was beside him.

You were always engaged, though it was clear that you aimed to keep to yourself. A number of times he could see you holding back, and he came to recognise the tick in your jaw when someone said something you disapproved of. It was fascinating to watch you work. You were the only one that took notes in meetings, the only one that seemed entirely immersed, and yet, you said so few words.

He couldn't fully understand the way you went on, and it only made him think that there was more to you than met the eye. The way you carried yourself was something curious to him. You were elegance incarnate, unaffected by your heavy robes and gliding around almost as if you were a ghost, hauntingly beautiful.

The most thrilling thing of all was that you made sure to speak with him every time you passed him by. It was always a simple ‘good morning’ or ‘good afternoon’, but he couldn't ignore the way it sent a shiver running down his spine, especially as your words were always accompanied by an affectionate smile, your eyes sparkling.

He found you entirely charming, and even more so when he often saw you sat outside of an evening, under a tree that the barracks overlooked, a flimsibook in hand and stylus working furiously against it. He greatly desired to know what you were writing. The scene was like something from a painting, similar to the ones he'd seen in the more grandiose corners of the senate bureau; your robes fanned out around you at the bottom of a tall whiptree, your expression thoughtful as you scribbled words down onto the pages of the leatherbound book. The dying light hit your skin in a similar fashion as those brush strokes, a warm glow that made you look ethereal, as if you had been someone's muse.

Howzer had even caught himself leaning on the window ledge, watching you write, and then internally scolded himself when he realised what he was doing. It was entirely improper to be fawning over a senate official, he knew that. There was just something about you he couldn't quite figure out, and he was determined to know what it was.

It was around midday when Cham addressed the people of Ryloth, Orn Free Taa at his side, with a speech that he had been preparing for a number of days now. You hung back from him, standing beside Eleni, and Howzer found himself edging forwards so he was in earshot of your conversation. His ears perked up the sound of your laugh. It was something he hadn’t heard since your first encounter.

“I couldn’t say” you replied to whatever Eleni had asked, “ordinarily I don't accompany Senator Taa to meetings”

“Oh? How come”

Howzer watched the way your shoulders sagged as a sigh escaped you, “Truth be told, we don’t usually work so closely. I represent him in the senate when he’s… otherwise engaged”

“You’re a senate representative?” Eleni asked, her tone surprised, “I could have sworn the Senator introduced you as his aide”

“Yes, well…” you jaw ticked with indignance, your voice becoming hushed, “the Senator doesn’t really seem to understand the work I do in his stead”

“I see” Eleni matched your quiet tone, “Though… if you represent him in his absence, why are you here on Ryloth? Shouldn't you have remained on Coruscant”

You didn't answer for a moment, and Howzer tried to gauge your thoughts. You gave nothing away, as always. His eyes followed the movement of your arms as you slotted your hands together behind your back, disappearing beneath your robes. It was clear that whatever you were about to divulge was not for the ears of everyone, so you must have trusted Eleni more than he realised.

“The Emperor saw fit to… relocate me” you admitted.

Howzer's eyebrows raised in surprise.

“The Emperor?” Eleni asked, her tone incredulous, “why does the Emperor want you here?”

You swallowed, glancing behind you, and Howzer averted his eyes as to not get caught listening in.

“I think it was more about me not being on Coruscant” you said lowly, your voice dripping with unease, though carefully measured.

Howzer was alarmed. What did you mean? What possible reason could the Emperor have for getting rid of you?

In any case, Eleni's own questions died on her lips as the Senator and her husband returned from the front of the room. Orn Free Taa addressed you, your name sharp on his tongue as he instructed you to accompany him to his office without so much as looking in your direction. You nodded and said a courteous goodbye to Eleni as you turned to follow him with Cham on your heels.

Your eyes flicked towards Howzer as you passed by him, and you gave a warm smile. There was a certain glint in your eyes, a small flicker of repressed amusement that didn't go unnoticed by him. He gave you a respectful nod, taking his place one step behind Cham as the four of you walked towards the Senator's office.

The session that followed was hard to sit through. It felt like a mutiny against Cham, whilst dancing around the fact that that's what was going on. The bureaucrats that had travelled from Coruscant rallied behind whatever the Senator was saying, and Howzer could feel his own anger and irritation bubbling up on Cham's behalf.

As if that wasn't enough, the session ran late, and the sun began to set as the heated discussion continued. Howzer kept half an eye on you, and though you stayed quiet, he could see the way your jaw was set. He felt that if you tensed it any harder then it would snap. He couldn't help but wonder why you wouldn't speak up if you so clearly didn't agree, and especially now knowing that you had more authority than most of the people in the room.

By the time some form of conclusion had been reached, the sun had fully sunk beneath the horizon. The senate members filed out of the room, but he saw you pull Cham aside. You spoke in a soft voice, and he couldn't hear what was being said, but the deep crease in your brow gave away the seriousness of your words. Cham nodded along, and then sighed, replying with a comforting hand on your shoulder. Howzer stood at attention until it was just you three left, and gripped his helmet a little tighter when your gaze wandered his way. You straightened, stepping back from the other Twi'lek with a gracious smile.

“Well, anyway, I should be getting back to my residence” you said, your voice raised from the hushed tone.

“Of course” Cham gestured to the exit, “Though, I would ask you to take extra caution, with it being darker than usual”

“I will” you nodded, making your way over to where Howzer was stationed at the door.

“Ah” Cham said suddenly, his eyes landing on the clone, “you know Captain Howzer, correct?”

Your eyebrows raised slightly as your eyes moved from the Twi’lek and over to Howzer, and he kept his expression as neutral as possible, despite being cautiously optimistic about your reaction.

“I do” you smiled at him, the slight tip of your head as you added, “Captain”

The inflection made it difficult for Howzer to keep a straight face, but he managed to supress his smirk nonetheless.

“Howzer, if you could escort the our guest here home, I would be very grateful” Cham addressed him.

“Certainly, sir” Howzer obliged, and followed the pair out of the room.

“Perhaps we can continue our conversation tomorrow?” You suggested to Cham as you descended the stairs, your voice airy and light, feigning innocence to anyone listening in.

“Yes, I was thinking the same thing” Cham replied, a glance in your direction that was not as subtle as your calculated demeanour.

Howzer trailed behind, keeping his distance and standing by the large doors while you said your goodbyes. You turned back towards him as Cham's receding footsteps rang out in the grand entrance hall, a tired smile gracing your lips.

“Shall we?” you asked, and Howzer promptly opened up the door, escorting you outside.

The air outside was cool, a light breeze gently rustling and scattering leaves along the stone floor of the town square. The feint scent of lavender hung in the air, and despite the amount of people moving about, civilians and clones alike, it felt still, calm.

“I didn't realise you were a Captain” you commented, looking up at him with a wry smile curving your lips.

Howzer couldn't hold back his smirk any longer, “I suppose we were both downplaying our roles then”

A soft laugh escaped you, and you shook your head at him, “I knew you were listening to that”

He shrugged, not sure what else to say for himself. He knew it wasn’t necessarily appropriate to be listening in on private conversations, no less private conversations that concerned the senate, but your expression told him you didn't mind all that much.

“So what do you usually do on Coruscant then?” he asked, taking his helmet in his other hand so he could inch marginally closer and hear you clearer.

You took a breath before you spoke, “for the most part, I attended senate sessions in his stead”

“How often did he have you doing that?” he questioned, lifting the branch of a tree as you passed underneath.

“Well…” you began, looking back ahead of you, “if I'm being honest, probably nine times out of ten”

Howzer's eyebrows raised, “you're essentially a Senator then”

You shook your head, a pessimistic chuckle leaving your lips, “whatever I was, it doesn't matter anymore”

Howzer knew when to keep quiet, and with the way your mask of stoicism swiftly covered your features again, he held his tongue. He had endless questions he wanted to ask you, and it took everything within him to keep his mouth shut.

Soon enough, you stopped outside a dwelling, a ground floor apartment with very little affluence to its outward appearance. If he had passed it by on his own, he never would have thought it belonged to a Senator, as he was now coming to think of you as.

“Thank you for the escort, Captain” you smiled up at him, “it seems I'm making a habit of dragging you around”

Howzer chuckled, especially as it didn’t seem like you were all that sorry about it, “I don't mind, I couldn't say it's really an inconvenience”

“I'm glad” you replied with a simper that set something alive inside of him.

He observed you for a moment. You were a little shorter than him, but your presence dwarfed him all the same, and he could feel the tips of his ears burning at your steady gaze. For all that you lived in Orn Free Taa's shadow, more literally than figuratively, you seemed exceptionally sure of yourself. It was a quiet confidence, where your imposing nature came from rationality and restraint, rather than in seeking unabashed dominance, like some other politicians. If you'd been raised in a different setting, he thought that you'd make a good soldier because of it.

“Well, thank you again” you spoke a little quieter, your hand raising to the control panel beside the door.

Howzer gave you a polite nod as he stepped back, “anytime”

You shortly disappeared behind the door, and Howzer turned to make his way to the barracks for the night. He rolled his neck, feeling the soreness that lingered there after a full day of keeping at attention.

His body still wasn't used to standing around all day, and neither was his mind, despite the fact that he felt he should be at peace. It was odd, really. He was in his element when in battle, and without it, he didn't know that he'd ever truly feel like himself again.

The following week passed without much consequence, but the mounting pressure was beginning to feel stifling.

Howzer had been stuck inside all morning with Cham, going over and rethinking the defence of the refinery just outside the city. It wasn't entirely clear to Howzer why it was so pertinent to guard the refinery so closely, but he wasn't in the mood for asking questions anymore. It was more for the fear of the answers he would get, especially from the Empire.

Finally, Cham dismissed him for lunch, and as it was far later than his usual lunch hour, he allowed him to take the rest of the day off as well. Howzer fully intended to join him again after he had replenished himself, but those plans were scrapped when he walked into the mess hall and saw you sitting in the back corner.

You looked so out of place. Your luxurious navy robe and silver jewellery only made you more noticeable, not to mention your pale lilac skin and lekku, but you were also the only other person in the room. You looked forlorn, and more outwardly emotional than he had ever seen you before. Your chin rested in your hand, your gaze fixed out of the window, and your lips were turned down in a frown.

Howzer called your name as he approached the table, and you whipped your head over to him, evidently having been lost in your thoughts. You gave him your best attempt at a smile, “Captain, how are you?”

Howzer brushed past the question, barely even registering it as he took the seat opposite you, “what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with the Senator?”

“Ah, yes. Well…” you trailed off for a moment, your eyes wandering back outside, “he dismissed me for the rest of the day”

Howzer frowned, “why? isn't that a good thing?”

You let out a humourless laugh, and your shoulders slumped in defeat. “He doesn't like when people speak out against him” you shrugged with a nonchalance that Howzer didn't quite believe, “I should know better really”

You hid your affliction well, but for Howzer, who had grown accustomed to your usual impassive expression, it was obvious that you were upset.

“What are you doing in here?” he asked, lowering his voice to what he hoped was a comforting tone.

“I didn't want to be around the other aides” you said, then glanced back at him with one side of your lips quirked up, “and I thought no one would be in here at this time”

Howzer huffed a laugh, “I'm sorry for disturbing you then”

“Don’t be” you smiled, genuinely this time, “I'm not”

Howzer’s eyebrows raised instinctively, a little taken aback by your candour. He supposed that you had never been anything but honest, so it shouldn't surprise him that much. You had withheld things, even obviously so, but you had never not made your opinion known when speaking truthfully.

“As it happens” he began, watching your reaction carefully, “I have the rest of the day off as well”

Your head tilted, almost imperceptibly, and you raised an eyebrow, encouraging him to go on.

“I could keep you company, if you'd like” he suggested.

Your lips lifted at his words, “I'd like that”

“Alright then…” Howzer smiled, looking out the window and then back to you, “have you eaten yet?”

You shook your head.

Howzer stood from his seat, “Let's go then”

Your eyebrows raised as you followed suit, stepping out of the bench and readjusting your robes, “let's go where?”

“I know a place” he shrugged, struggling to hold back his grin at your cautious expression.

You rolled your eyes in a playful manner as you fell into step beside him, “I didn't take you as one for clichés, Captain”

“Sorry” Howzer chuckled as he held open the door to the corridor, “it'll be worth it, I promise”

“Alright” you conceded with the ghost of a smirk crossing your face.

Soon enough the two of you were making your way through the marketplace, vendors and civilians alike milling about around you. There was a sense of joy in this area of the city that Howzer rarely got to see, an innocence, as if the war had never even happened. Children played together, chasing after each other while their parents watched on with bright smiles, eyes full of love.

“This way” Howzer said, gently guiding you down a side street, his hand accidently brushing your lower back as he placed a protective arm around you body to shield you from the hustle and bustle.

“You don't need to do that, Captain” you told him, “I'm not made of glass”

“Sorry, just doing my job” he insisted.

“By bringing me to some secret lunch spot?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

Howzer huffed a laugh and his hand instinctively curled around the back of his neck, “I— uh, perhaps not”

“I’m just teasing” you smiled, “I don't expect you to do your job while you're not on duty”

“Then perhaps you can stop calling me Captain” he suggested, his heart beating a little faster, hoping you wouldn't see the request as improper.

Thankfully, you let out a small chuckle, “I suppose that makes sense”

Shortly, you came upon a stand that smelled divine, and the vendor's eyes shone as she saw Howzer approaching.

“Captain” she beamed, “it's been too long”

“It has” Howzer smiled back politely, “we'll just get two of the regular”

“Of course” the Twi'lek then cast her eyes to you, sweeping her gaze down your regal attire, “who's this?”

Howzer was going to answer, but you beat him to it, giving your name, and nothing else. He raised an eyebrow at you, wondering why you were so adverse to admit your importance, but you just glanced at him and subtly shook your head.

“Well, it's a pleasure” the vendor smiled, eyes darting between the two of you “never known the Captain here to bring anyone else with him”

“Is that so?” you asked, a wry smile curling your lips as you tilted your head to him.

Howzer could feel himself blushing, his cheeks burning as he looked down, “yeah, I guess not”

“Sorry Captain” the vendor chuckled, handing over two small boxes of food, “that'll be 15 credits”

Howzer busied himself with digging through the pouches in his belt, and pulling out the credits to hand over. Before the vendor could take them, you placed your hand on his arm to stop him.

“Please, let me” you insisted, pulling out your own credits from your pocket.

Howzer said your name in an aporetic tone, “you can't expect me to let you pay when I'm the one who brought you here”

“That's exactly what I expect” you spared him a glance as you counted your credits, and you looked startlingly serious.

“No” he shook his head, trying to hand over the credits again, “I won't let you”

You grabbed his arm and this time tugged it down, your gaze stern, “you will”

Howzer was more than a little confused by your actions, but he wasn't going to refuse what felt eerily like an order. A force of habit, perhaps, but the look in your eye was something fierce that he didn't want to be on the receiving end of again.

He let you hand over the credits to the vendor, whose lips were twisted in an amused smirk, an eyebrow raised at him. He waved it off, and led the two of you away, throwing a thank you over his shoulder as you left.

“Sorry” you looked up at him with more bashfulness than he’d ever seen from you, “I didn't mean to be rude”

“Don't worry about it” he smiled reassuringly, choosing not to dwell on it too much.

You mirrored his gesture back to him and then looked towards where he was leading you.

“So” you began, “where are you taking me now?”

Howzer's lips twitched with a smirk, “I told you, I know a place”

A genuine laugh escaped you, and Howzer's heart sang at the sound, “you're really talking it up”

“Trust me, it's worth the mystery” he claimed.

“Alright” you smiled with a light shake of your head, “I'll trust you”

Howzer led you out of the city, the streets becoming increasingly empty as you strolled, and the cheerful cries of children playing were exchanged for birdsong. The edge of the city gave way to a forest, tall whiptrees casting spindly shadows onto the outer buildings and scattering the floor with leaves.

As you made your way between the trees, you lifted the hem of your robes, an instinctual move on your part, but Howzer could only think about how graceful the action was. Your head was angled towards the ground, taking in the way the afternoon sun shone through the leaves and spread shadows across the forest floor.

Before long, the forest path opened up and you came upon a lake, the water a deep blue colour and glittering as it gently swayed in the breeze. Half of it was cast in shadow as a part of the cliff face above jutted out and hung over the body of water. Your eyes were full of wonder looking upon it, and he couldn’t take his own eyes away from your awe-struck expression.

“This is…” you failed to complete your sentence as you looked up at him with a wide grin, something of childlike wonder and pleasant surprise.

“It’s nice, right?” he said, taking a seat on a soft patch of grass by the side of the lake, gesturing for you to do the same.

“Yeah, you weren’t kidding” you laughed, your eyes dancing with amusement as you took your seat across from him, “this is some place you know”

Howzer allowed himself a smug look, a shrug to soften it, “told you”

He passed your food over, and popped the lid from his as you did the same. You inhaled through your nose, taking in the sweet yet spicy scent of the meal, and his lips lifted as you looked pleased by it. You both dug in using the utensil provided, and Howzer felt his shoulders relax as you let out a contented noise, your eyes closing for a moment to savour the taste.

“Good?” he prompted.

“Very” you nodded, opening your eyes, “you sure know how to spoil a girl”

Howzer could feel his cheeks burning as he chuckled and turned his attention down to his food. Your wry smile and the teasing glint in your eye was frankly too much for him to deal with if he wanted to maintain an air of professionalism, so he kept his head down for the remainder of the meal. It wasn't hard, the food was delicious after all.

“Howzer” your voice called to him, using his given name for the first time, “can I ask you something?”

“Of course” he said, placing his empty box down next to where you had left yours and giving you all of his attention again.

“Why is it that you're stationed in the senate bureau? If you're a Captain, I would have thought you might be elsewhere” you clarified.

“Oh” he looked past you for a moment, searching for the right words, “well, now that the war is over, I don't serve the same purpose. Cham trusts me, I suppose — we work well together, so for the time being, I'm stationed with him”

You nodded as he spoke, taking a moment to understand the information before you spoke up again. It was the very practiced act of a politician, and Howzer noted the concentration in your eyes that he only usually saw in meetings.

“Cham isn't a fan of the Senator, is he?”

Howzer hesitated, giving you a dubious look.

“I'm just curious, I'm not going to speak of it with anyone else” you assured him, and he relaxed a touch.

“No, we're not big fans of him, really” he admitted.

Your lips curled into a smirk instantly, “we?”

Howzer realised his slip up, a nervous laugh escaping him, “uh— yeah, I'm not a fan of politicians in general I suppose”

This time your eyebrow raised, and Howzer realised the error of his ways before you even spoke.

“I mean— no, I didn't mean it like that—” he tried to explain himself.

“Relax” you laughed, interrupting his ramblings with a hand over his forearm, “I don't like them either”

The weight of your hand delicately placed over his vambrace was surprising, but that's not what made Howzer raise his brows.

“Why not? You work with them”

“Exactly” you huffed, drawing back from him.

He watched on as you turned towards the lake and stretched out your legs, a brown pair of boots emerging from beneath your robes. They looked out of place poking out from the rich navy material, oddly comfortable among all the opulence. He supposed that they weren't usually visible, and it felt like a strange look into your psyche, who you were beneath all of the political propriety.

“It's odd, being back on Ryloth” you mused quietly, you eyes trailing the cliff which hung over the lake, leaning back on your palms.

“How so?” Howzer asked, slumping forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

“Well, I'm not from around here. It's like being home, but not really” you paused, tilting your head a little “and I suppose I'm more used to being on Coruscant now.” A small crease formed in your brow as you continued to speak candidly, “I've just— I've been so busy, for years, and now… well, I'm back to being a shadow”

Howzer frowned, “you want to be… important?”

“No” you said straight away, shaking your head, “I don't need to be important, I just want to be useful”

Howzer heard how defeated you sounded, but he saw it even more in the look on your face. Your mouth turned downwards in a frown and your eyes flicked towards your feet as you kicked your heel into the ground. He called your name gently, and your head snapped over to him.

“Why did the Emperor send you away?”

You sighed as you turned your body towards him again, you legs curled up beside you, “I can't know for sure, but… it's most likely because I was too vocal”

“Vocal?” Howzer asked in surprise. You were so quiet in the sessions he had attended that it seemed out of the question.

You chuckled, “yes, even when he was the Supreme Chancellor, he didn't like that I was one of very few who actually called for change within the senate”

“What kind of change?”

“It was things such as… improved spending policy, advocating for clone rights, fair distribution of relief supplies among—”

“Clone rights?” he interrupted, “what do you mean?”

“Well, I'm sure you're well aware that the clone army aren't recognised within the senate, you're—” you paused, “you're property, for want of a better term, to the Republic, and now the Empire. You don't get a choice in whether you serve or not, and you're not paid for it, it's essentially slave labour”

Howzer didn't know how to feel about it being put so bluntly. They were things he'd considered before, especially since the birth of the Empire, but to hear it so concisely described, it put a nasty feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to—”

“No, you’re right” he said, dragging his eyes away from you.

“But that's why it's important; a bill put forward against it would seek to give you the option to serve, and a wage should you choose to”

“Do you think it would pass?” he asked.

The sigh that left your lips gave him his answer, “truthfully, I don't know. There's a lot of vile people in this galaxy, people who would see to it that you aren't given what you're owed”

“And what am I owed?” Howzer questioned, a hint of mirth in his voice.

“To be treated like a person” you said simply.

Howzer was taken aback by how easily your mouth formed those words. He had no idea that there were a number of people in the senate that were advocating for him and his brothers, but the fact that you were one of them made his head spin. It just made him respect you more, a newfound reverence for you washing over him.

“I've kind of always operated under the belief that you've just got to do what you can, but the things within my reach have significantly decreased, and now… I don't know whether a bill like that would pass under the Empire, if it was contested when we were still a Republic”

Howzer nodded. He could understand that reasoning, however bleak it was.

“Is this why you wouldn't let me pay for the food earlier?” he then asked, one side of his lips curling up.

You chuckled slightly, looking down to the grass that you both sat upon, “Yeah, it was”

An unfamiliar warmth spread throughout Howzer’s chest, spilling throughout his veins and begging to reach out and tip your head back up to look at him.

“I probably shouldn’t have told you all that” you murmured, looking up at him through your lashes with a particularly sheepish expression which he couldn't help but find extremely endearing.

He offered you a smile, “your secrets are safe with me”

You returned the kind expression and sat up straight, a thoughtfulness about you that stoked the warmth inside of him.

“You're a good man, Howzer” you told him, eyes shining with something vulnerable, “you've been nothing but kind to me ever since I got here, and I just have to thank you for that”

Every word you spoke only sought to make him more enamoured by you, and he could feel the way a violent blush was creeping up the back of his neck, threatening to take over his face.

“You don't need to thank me” he replied, “you've made it very easy”

taglist: @darthnihila @cdblake1565 @heidnspeak @mae-lou-ron

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luneinary · 5 months ago

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thinking about shuichi ryoma parallels ...

#rewatching chapter 2 and it just got me thinking #shuichi who previously struggled with wanting to stay alive after kaedes death #having a version of himself revealed to him in a flashback light saying that they are willing to throw away their life #and finding the strength via the support of others to reject that mindset #coming to the conclusion that he will live for himself and for others #ryoma having virtually nobody to turn to while being in a headspace that prevents #you from wanting to live even in an environment encouraging survivalist behavior #only to find out that there would nobody waiting for him anyway #and just becoming completely resigned to the idea that him dying was the best option for him #not exactly helped by the fact that nobody reached out to him during the kg despitd Very Explicitly displaying signs of suicidal ideation #in which were preyed upon by kirumi to ensure her survival #effectively becoming a sacrifice #like man ... imagine if someone had just listened and extended that olive branch to him. imagine if it was Shuichi #drv3 #seren speaks

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deus-ex-mona · 4 months ago

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ngl i thought that zakenna was going to be an mv set some time in idol sengen s1 before the mv dropped. like, her frustrations could’ve been a reference to her post-first concert flop era, her rival mentions could’ve been referring to lxl and/or asuna, and all the underdog mentions could also have been a reference or two to how she was a complete nobody at the start of her career…

and there was also doromizu line no. 1 from the tv arc which sealed the misconcepton deal s o b s

#rewatching zakenna after reading moge’s fanbox post kinda hits different in a sense…#but m a n i do not miss that hour i wasted looking up meanings for doromizu bc that. was. not fun!!!!!!!!!#i just didnt want to make mona say that she was gonna drink mud ok n. o. *no way*#tling idol sengen really does make me have to look up the darndest things…#just the other night i spent an hour looking up a term to describe a group of people who started working at the same job at the same time…#…yeah. well. i eventually settled for the word ‘batch’. i still can’t find a better word for it. but. man. im open to suggestions!!!!!!!!#and there was also the 30 min googling session for ‘unpleasant ways to say goodbye’. ended up down a rabbit hole of the nuances of farewells #the next 2 main chapters of idol sengen dont seem to be too challenging in the idiom department… but man~ last chapter was. just. y e a h #thanks rippei for being the bane of my existence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ok i think i need to stop thinking about rippei bc my headache’s kinda comin back u m.#though i think it’s kinda funny in a certain way that i got a mild fever after zakenna dropped yesterday lol #sorry for celebrating mona mv instead of country day yesterday sorry for not lovin’ the ground on which i walk pls take this headache baack—#and y u p headache’s officially back bye y’all i think i need to watch yesterday’s firework vids to try to chase it off byebye

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shanastoryteller · 3 months ago

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ok clearly there's a lot of you forever stuck in supernatural hell because i've gotten MULTIPLE messages from people asking if me rewatching spn means i'm going to write fic lol

the answer is maybe, and only after i've beaten the next chapters of siat and wingbones into submission. also keep in mind i'm first and foremost a sam lover and s1-3 are my favorite - i like castiel just fine but his appearance coincided with some shifts in deans character that i didn't love and really started the brothers down the path of whatever the hell they've got going on in later seasons

BUT if i do fic then do you want (in no particular order):

1 - s1 sam gets transported to endverse and has to deal with this version of his brother that's ten years older and all this shit that he doesn't even know exists and endverse dean has to deal with sam at 22

2 - sam interrupts his dad's deal with azazel after the car accident and azazel asks for sam instead. sam agrees. john tells dean that sam died in the car accident and dean slowly loses his mind thinking that his brother is haunting him

3 - sam has his first vision at 18 on the bus to stanford. finds it literally impossible to leave the supernatural world and behind and starts tracking down hunters / things and discovers the world of the wider world of hunters that john hid from them. becomes a trusted psychic and occasional hunter for the hunting community while still going to school, tells jess the truth from the beginning because he's still in it, and is fully terrified that he's something his family would want to hunt and swears every hunter to secrecy about what he's doing. they all call him samantha and dean/john have no idea that the new psychic is a guy and sam.

edit: all of these have happy endings because i'm me

#this is your grandma talking

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jareicanon · 1 year ago

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THIS.

I come up with the wildest of plots/crossovers I wanna see but for some reason only I think of???

What else CAN I do. If no one else is gonna write what I want then I might as well do it myself

[ @terukokinni3 hi i’m referring to you in the tags 🫶 ]

“why would you write fics for small, unpopular fandoms? you’re not gonna reach that many hits in fandoms not many people know about” ?? because I’m not writing fics for hits or kudos, I’m writing them for me because these characters are my blorbos and I have so many ideas, so much thoughts about them that my brain might explode if I don’t write them out.

#literally this happened with drdt #literally I think there was three things that hadn’t been updated in half a year to a year #and i was DESPERATE for fics #Literally anything #i was craving it #especially as id rewatched it and craved media on them #but chapter 2 had not come out yet #lol me and my friends had a running joke that it probably wouldn’t (bc we wanted to make lightif it so thedisappointment didn’t hit sohard)#BUT THEN IT DID #ok but like AFTER i’d started writing fics for it #do you know how validated I felt???#holy shit bcak then i got like maybe one comment in three weeks and it was other ppl who were as starved as me for content #genuine shoutout to Mappi #that’s how I met them -> my goddamn ao3 comments for my first ever xanruko fic #ao3 #archive of our own #no okay but I started writing for drdt just silly things that popped into my head-#back then drdt was still a ghost thing fandom wise I KNEW NO ONE BUT A SELECT FEW WHO KNEW OF IT #SO STAY WITH ME #BUT LIKE CHAPTER TWO RELEASES AND SUDDENLY IT EXPLODES #AND PEOPLE KNOW IT #AND THE CRAZIER THING?????#People know me??? What the fuck????#Y’ALL READ MY SHIT???? REALLY?????????!#anyway lmfao i finally (eventually) join a few servers bc Yes Finally I Can Join Somehwere Where I Can Rant About Drdt #(and not sound like a fucking insane person bc ppl are equally as insane over it as me <3)#AND PEOPLE FUCKING RECOGNISE ME I’M DEAD LIKE HUHHHHHH YOU KNOW ME??? ME????? BUT (gestures) LOOK AT ALL THE ARTISTS WDYM YOU KNOW ME???#drdt #danganronpa despair time #rizalore

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wangxianficfinder · 3 months ago

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Fic Finder

Sep 5th

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1. Hello :)

I'm looking for this fic where lwj, jwy and maybe some others use wwx's inventions to travel back in time to before wwx was brought to yunmeng after wwx died and both lwj and jwy have all these plans to make wy's life better. lwj wants to bring him to gusu while jwy is planning to make his mother treat him better.

But, plot twist, the years pass and wwx hasn't been found and the time travellers start theorising that because it was his invention, maybe it pulled him back w/ them. later on, my is killed further establishing their theory that wy is alive and avoiding them. this goes on for years until the wen discussion conference when the top shooter is an archer from the wen sect named wei ying. the closing line of this fic was jwy, lwj and the others thinking that the sunshot campaign has been lost before it even started.

Also, there was a flashback showing that wrh's spirit had lingered after his death and he saw everything that happened after. so, when he saw them making the time travel array, he entered and went back with them. also, he was the one who killed my, I think by slitting his throat.

I don't remember if this was a multi chapter fic or not (I'm only like 60% sure it was), but I remember one of the author's notes saying that while jwy is saying that he'll make his mother treat wwx better this time, he knows deep down that this isn't true and that his form of love is selfish.

Hi again. I'm #1 from the sept 5th fic finder and I'm sorry, but it wasn't sunset, sunrise. It was more jwy-centric, and it's implied that wrh is still planning a war

NOT FOUND! Sunset, Sunrise by Ariana Deralte (ArianaDeralte) (T, 41k, WWX & WRH, WangXian, WIP, Time Travel Fix-It, Crack, Temporary Character Death, sorry I killed a-Yuan for a few paragraphs before the time travel, WWX is a Wen, Genius WWX, WRH gets to rewatch the series as a treat, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, in this house we acknowledge that all the sects have flaws, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, WWX Has ADHD, Bad Parents JFM & YZY, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Autistic LWJ)

FOUND? Lost Oppurtunities by Scarlet914 (T, 5k, JC & LWJ, WWX & WRH, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, JC Needs a Hug, Sad JC, JC is Bad at Feelings, JC-centric, Golden Core Reveal, Sad LWJ, Sad LXC, BAMF WWX, YLLZ WWX, POV WRH, Qishan Wen Sect Wins the Sunshot Campaign, Gusu Lan Sect, YZY Bashing, Bad Parent YZY, Mentioned JYL, One-Sided WangXian, WWX is a Wen, Inventor WWX, Genius WWX)

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2. hi thank you for all you do! i’m looking for a fic that starts during the cloud recess arc. wei ying steals lan zhan’s clothes/blankets and makes a nest on his bed? and lan zhan notices someone is stealing his laundry but doesn’t immediately realize it’s wei ying? @hashtagad

FOUND! this mattress is a desert island by bbyminmaki (E, 19k, wangxian, A/B/O, no sunshot au, mating cycles/heat, nesting, omega WWX, alpha LWJ, getting together, scenting, pining, friends to lovers)

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3. Hello! I have a request for ficfinder!

I don't remember much about it, but Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian were married (it was not post canon) and Wei Wuxian was walking in the woods at Cloud Recesses without his sword, and Su She attacked him. Wwx was able to dodge Su She's attacks. Su She was insulting Wwx and his relationship with Lwj, and Wwx was taunting him for being jealous. But then Lan Xichen showed up and was really angry at Su She. I think Su She got exiled and Wwx was kind of uncomfortable with that punishment, but the Lans were like "he attacked an unarmed person in the woods, even if you weren't married to Lwj, exile is a light sentence." I cannot for the life of me remember anything else about that fic, just that I think it was kind of long?

Thank you all so much!

FOUND! 🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 859k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement) They aren't married yet when that happens, but very engaged.

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4. Hi! This is for fic finder. Ithink this fic is about LWJ and WWX in arranged marriage. I think its for LWJ protection (? Not sure about this part). Then WWX is sent to a war but failed to come back and declared as dead. LWJ become a widow (it is a correct term?). Because he is still young, many pressed him to remarried, but he use a griefing period to avoid that. I think he write a poem and become famous because of those romantic poem and ballad using a fake name. And then near the end there are a negotiation to exchange prisoner and WWX is not one of them (?) It was revealed that someone want him dead and dont want him be rescued (i think it was yxy?). A yuan, who should not be there tells lwj about wwx. Wwx then rescued and the three of them in the inn. As wwx rest there, JWY visited and talked. Lwj then bring wwx and a yuan to his house in capital. I think there are a sheep/goat involved?. Wwx healed but there are some injuries that cant be fully healed. I think because of that he cant do something he was proud of doing. I dont remeber if it was his hand or leg or maybe his eyes?. I think then lqr teach wwx something. Thats all i can remember. Thanks

FOUND! ❤️ Where the nightingales are singing, and a white moon beams. by Moominmammashandbag (M, 52k, wangixan, jin zixuan & lan wangji, no powers au, grief/mourning, aftermath of war, angst w/ happy ending, reunions, fluff & smut)

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5. Hiiii, can u pls help me find a fuc where lwj plays cleansing gor wwx coz if he does that wwx will be free of resentful energy but his body is literally held together by resentful energy so it almost kills him but wen qing saves him and the core secret is also revealed. Pleaseeree help me find it, thanks!

FOUND? 🧡 decay by antebunny (G, 15k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, the fluffiest ending, Hurt/Comfort)

FOUND?🔒A Heart Undying by NonsensicalRambling (M, 114k, WangXian, Undead WWX, Canon-Typical Violence, canon-typical dead things the burial mounds, Fix-It of Sorts, Canon Divergence, Eventual WangXian, No Yīn Tiger Seal, Morally Gray WWX, Animals Eating People, WWX's questionable choices, Morally conflicted LWJ, Oblivious WWX, WWX Creates a Sect | Yiling Wei, YLLZ WWX, Sect Leader WWX, LWJ & WQ have an Understanding)

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6. Hi! For the fic finder

I have scoured ao3 dark lan zhan tag and similar but I still can't find this fic. I remember Lan Zhan gets like cursed (i think he got the curse from a junior accidentally) and the curse like lowers his self control and amplifies darker urges so he takes wei ying to a cottage to live his domestic dreams but at some point wwx realizes lwj is isolating them and wwx tries to trick him to send a letter to lan sizhui. This doesn't work abd LWJ doesn't realize he is cursed. The curse like hides the mark too i think?? It ends happily I think.

I wonder if I'm mixing fics or it's been deleted bc I just can't seem to find it?? Thank you in anycase!

FOUND! Clouded by diamondbruise (M, 15k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Getting Together, Case Ficish, Curses, Dark LWJ, It's a curse, Dubcon Kissing, Jealousy, Sharing a Bed, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dubious Consent, no sex in this fic just in general)

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7. Hi! This is for fic finder. Qin Su ressurected someone (either wwx or jyl im not sure but i think it was wwx). Whoever in that body now do qin su duty and trying to make her own power without jgy knowing. And then there was a flood. She help people there as expected, but she do her duty too competent. JGY now suspect it was not QS in that body and confront her. Thats all i can remember. Thank you! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

NOT FOUND!🔒Everyanything by deliciousblizzardshark, lingeringdust (E, 46k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Franken-canon, Gender Identity, Gender Dysphoria, Trans WWX, Protective LWJ, Accidental Baby Acquisition, tCanon-Typical Misogyny, Fluff and Angst, Vaginal Sex, Canon-Typical Major Character Death)

NOT FOUND! the problem with authority by isabilightwood (M, 139k, wangxian, qingli, Canon Divergence, Sacrifice Summon, slightly dark!JYL, wq lives because i said so, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chronic Pain, Mild Sexual Content, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian, manipulative relationship (background xiyao))

~*~

8. Hello! I'm trying to remember the name of a long fic where wx are hooking up, no relationship. Wwx will come to lwj's super nice modern apartment, they'll have sex in lwj's big modern bed with a moving headboard that exposes restraints and then after wwx will take a bath and sleep in the guest room. Does this ring any bells?

FOUND? A Sure Thing by vesna (mrsronweasley) (E, 95k, WangXian, Modern, Sugar Daddy, Sex Work, Light Dom/sub, Aftercare, Semi-Public Sex, Exhibitionism, Bondage, use of sex toys, boundary setting, Relationship Negotiation, many baths, Barebacking)

FOUND? show me a quiver, give me tonight by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 115k, wangxian, lwj/others, communication failure, mutual pining, artists, demisexual wwx, angst w/ happy ending)

~*~

9. please help oh wonderful mods : a favorite Cloud Recesses Study AU with injured talisman genius Wy, ace Jin Zixuan, good mother Jin, WY explodes badguy Wen’s heads - couldnt find it again!! @oldoni

FOUND! 🧡 To have and to hold by Moominmammashandbag (M, 78k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Major character injury, CQL verse, Happy Ending)

~*~

10. hi i’m looking for a fic i read a long time ago. it was a post-canon jc & wwx reconciliation fic. i believe it was jc and an oc jiang disciple on a night hunt where they ran into wangxian who were also working on that case. i remember there was some sort of misunderstanding regarding this (i think he found some letter?) but not the exact details of it. one scene i remember clearly was jc finding out wangxian were married and being a little hurt that he wasn’t invited. after they opened up, wwx told him he was there for it and when jc realized he meant the two bows in the jiang ancestral hall, he said smth like jyl would be rolling in her grave and demands a proper ceremony i think @nalalie

FOUND!🔒asunder by alessandriana (M, 51k, JC & WWX, JC & LWJ, WangXian, Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Twin Prides of Yunmeng Dynamics, Reconciliation, Golden Core Reveal, Violence, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Death, Case Fic)

~*~

11. Hello to fic finder so here's what I'm trying to search for I remember it as a podfic and I remember it was in Lan zhan POV I think and it was like him thinking about wei ying leaving the cloud recesses soon and I remember one Pacific scene where Wei ying was teaching the baby Lan how to sew their clothes

FOUND? [Podfic] And Yet Here You Are by zaffre (T, 1-1.5H, WangXIan, Post-Canon, Domestic Fluff, Location: Cloud Recesses, settling down, LWJ needs a hug, Separation Anxiety, Teacher WWX, People being nice to wwx is my kink, And probably lwj's kink too huh, very light angst, Chief Cultivator LWJ, And Yet Here You Are by cosmicmilktea)

~*~

12. hi! i’m looking for a fic where lan zhan has a type of hanahaki where he has a tree/plant growing roots in his back that he removes a few times. i believe he also worked with textile production and the fic itself had a very stylized writing and was quite angsty. thank you!!

FOUND? The Roots Grow Riotous by hansbekhart (E, 104k, wangxian, modern, fashion au, garment company, casual sex, group sex, implied/referenced cheating, switching, recreational drug use, angst w/ happy ending, single dad WWX, panic attacks, implied/referenced self-harm, grief/mourning, catharsis, body horror, floral horror) is the absolute masterpiece , Roots Grow Riotious by Hans Bekhart , it's taken off ao3. however I have a copy and I've gotten permission to share from the author, DM your email so I can send you a pdf. @/the-marathon-continues-nip

~*~

13. Guys~ I love u blog and am so desperate so I will cut to the chase:

There was this wangxian time travel fic where they meet their younger selfs and go back again. I think it was 7 chapters. Pov was mostly LZ (Young and old) and young Lz was confused about why he "didn't" marry Wwx ( Wwx introduced himself as mo xuanyu)

Hanguang-jun’s Husband by lilacevergarden (T, 6k, Time Travel, post-canon wangxian being disgustingly in love, wwx bullying teenage wangxian, Yeah that’s it, Jealous WWX)

~*~

14. Hello, hope you’re doing well! I’m asking about a fic I read a while back. Lan Zahn and Wei Ying meet as children, but Lan Zahn doesn’t take him back to the cloud recesses. Instead, years later, they meet during the disciples visit to Gusu. Lan Wangji remembers Little Wei Ying as Wei Wuxian, but Wei Ying has no memory of him.

Highlights include drunk lan wangji with other disciples, su she getting punished for trying to assault lan wangji, and more I don’t remember. I read this in 2019, so my memory is pretty spotty.

It’s probably been deleted, but I really enjoyed this one. Thanks for your help. @myshallweplay

FOUND? Sun on a rainy day by MiiMi (M, 194k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Childhood Memories, Childhood Friends, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, First Love, Fluff and Smut, Angst, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Reversible Couple, Bottom LWJ, Top WWX, WangXian/XianWang, XiCheng, Top LWJ, Bottom WWX)

~*~

15. Hello! I'm looking for a Wangxian fanfic. It took place in a modern au. LWJ and WWN's entire family were gathered for a barbecue, and Wangxian was fighting. There is a moment when Lan Wangji is about to eat something spicy, and Wei Wuxian stops him from eating, but they continue to fight. I remember that at some point, Wei Wuxian is eating this spicy dish, and Lan Wangji gets up to kiss him. And horrified by this situation, Jiang Yanli spills a glass of wine on Lan Wangji's shirt. I remember the story ended with Wei Wuxian saying that her husband was a knight with him and them going away to clean Wangji's shirt @a-ghostking

~*~

17. This is probably some sort of canon divergence, not post-canon. I think it might take place somewhere after WWX busts out the Wens but before the shit hits the fan. Anyway, the specific detail we're working with here: WWX asks how the yin iron pieces were destroyed, please don't say you just chucked them in the volcano, then tells the sect leaders they fucked up and Qishan is going to explode with resentment if something is not done soon. Thank you 🖤 @linderel

I don't believe I've read this before, and I'm pretty sure the fic I'm looking for was neither crack (treated seriously or otherwise) nor time travel, but I'll certainly mark it down for later!

NOT FOUND! 🧡 built by the fires of volcanoes by isabilightwood (T, 26k, wangxian, time travel, crack treated seriously, canon divergence, fluff & humor)

FOUND! 🔒In search of safety by SomeDumbGuy (M, 22k, One-Sided WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Incomplete Fix-It, Unreliable Narrator, JZX Lives, distruction of the yin tiger seal, Is it still hurt/comfort if it's comfort then hurt?, Blood and Gore) Here is a quote from chapter 3: “What do you have on the destruction of the Yin Iron at Nightless City?” Wei Wuxian asked. “We don’t have anything. It was thrown into the lava in the aftermath of the battle,” Lan Xichen replied.

~*~

18. Hello

I'm looking for a fic published @ 2020 or so

Idk if it was dark lwj, but at the meal in Yiling, LWJs inner monologue was very critical, on how Yuan had no manners and the Wens were very bad for WWX.

Wwx might've also been outwardly hostile, but put up w it for the food @midnightlighthowlite

~*~

19. Hiii, hope you're having a nice day :)) i was searching for a certain fic in which both wei wuxian and lan wangji are assassins and housemates. They both dont know that the other is an assassin too but they keep coming across on their missions.(i think they were competing and sometimes lan zhan was just watching wei ying do his job? idk) i remember wei wuxian accidentally revealing his identity by talking?? Something like that! Hope you can find it bc i've been searching for it nonstoppp T-T anywayss thank u in advancee!!! @for13years-i-play-inquiry-foryou

FOUND? silhouettes to steal this night by moonsteps (T, 51k, WangXian, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Modern, Assassins & Hitmen, Roommates, Rivals to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Identity Porn, Violence, Blood and Injury, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Secret Identity)

~*~

20. Hi! This is for fic finder. Its modern with magic (i think? Because the tech is not showed much) and single parent wwx. I think that lwj is sent by an institution to make wwx accept a contract to familiar because he didnt have a familiar for years and usually people who didnt have a familiar for yearst went crazy/died (i think it was a familiar. Not sure about that). In wwx house, lwj meet lsz. He then tried to confince lsz to study in institution. After that, i dont remember much. I think lsz transform and became a dog that kinda declared to the world that he is a wen. Lsz is left by wq as a baby and found by wwx. Wwx then raised lsz. I think they have a cat (or crow) that reminded wwx of wq. Lwj found out the reason why wwx didnt go crazy/die is because wwx make a clone of himself and killed it. Lwj found the corpses in wwx's backyard in a grave. That grave is near a tree. Long story short, at the end of the story, it was implied that wwx faked his death with jyl, jwy, jzx, and lwj help and moved to england (?). Thank you! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

FOUND! Howling by MimiSpearmint (E, 40k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Mortal Instruments Fusion, Horror, Eldritch, Domestic Fluff, Single Parent WWX, Witchcraft, Getting Together, shifter!lwj, yllz!wwx, Intercrural Sex, Hand Jobs, Angst with a Happy Ending, Switch WangXian, a bit of a degradation kink, anti-STI sex talismans, Anal Sex, Oral Sex)

~*~

#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic finder #wangxian fic search #the untamed #wangxianficfinder #long post

105 notes · View notes

diorsluv · 8 months ago

Text

casual , part 4

“ that i’m just a girl that you bang on your couch ”

series m. list previous chapter next chapter

( socialmedia!au )

rutgermcgroarty

liked by colecaufield, yourusername, and 40,266 others

rutgermcgroarty remind me to never hang out with this mf again 😒

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

yourusername PLEASE I SAID SORRY

→ rutgermcgroarty SORRY WONT CUT IT

→ yourusername I PROMISE I WONT DO IT AGAIN

→ rutgermcgroarty she lied he believed 💔

→ yourusername it’s the other way around dumbass

vivianliu MY LIFE MY LOVE MY WIFE

→ rutgermcgroarty who brought doctor seuss up in this bitch

→ yourusername MWAHHHH 🫶🫶

→ rutgermcgroarty your little boyfriend’s getting jealous yourusername

username40 this has to be on purpose

username21 is this a ploy to make ethan jealous 😭

jackhughes CREAM CHEESE?? SHES BACK

→ rutgermcgroarty 🥯

→ yourusername CREAM CHEESEEEEE

→ mackie.samo who tf is cream cheese

→ lhughes_06 her childhood stuffed toy mackie.samo

edwards.73 damn didn’t know you two were close like that

→ rutgermcgroarty …but we’re best friends?? 😭

→ yourusername yes you did 💀

→ markestapa ethan you gotta use your brain bro

→ luca.fantilli oh my god ur being such a baby

→ adamfantilli okay now this is getting a bit too.. ANNOYING

→ lhughes_06 are you dumb

username68 BEST DUO

→ vivianliu what about me and her 😔

→ username44 BEST COUPLE!!! vivianliu

markestapa she’s soaking wet what did you do

→ rutgermcgroarty 😈

→ markestapa BRO NOT LIKE THAT

→ yourusername CHANGE THE WORDING GOOD GOD

→ markestapa IM SORRY LMAOOOO

→ edwards.73 ur weird mark

→ markestapa stay mad you pussy

→ edwards.73 ?????

→ rutgermcgroarty he got you there ethan

adamfantilli i didn’t know you were strong enough to carry her around on your shoulder

→ rutgermcgroarty wym i got the big guns 💪

→ yourusername luca snapped the pic right before he dropped me 🙄🙄

→ luca.fantilli let him dream for once yourusername

_quinnhughes cream cheese is so dirty now

→ rutgermcgroarty i swear she dragged it through a pile of mud

→ yourusername NO I DIDN’T 😓

username6 ethan needs to get revenge

username27 come get your girlfriend ethan

dylanduke25 she looks like brad marchand if he was dunked in a bucket of water

→ rutgermcgroarty LMFAOOO

→ yourusername DID YOU JUST CALL ME A WET RAT????

→ vivianliu STOP THATS A FUCKING VIOLATION 😭

→ markestapa HOLY SHIT LMAOOOO

username17 I NEED MORE ROSIE N RUT POSTS

→ yourusername noted ✍️

→ username10 PLEASE PLEASE PELAE EPLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLWSSEEEEE yourusername

mackie.samo NORMALIZE FRIEND DATES!!!

→ rutgermcgroarty i think that’s called hanging out

→ mackie.samo yeah but it’s one on one

→ yourusername pretty sure it’s still called hanging out

trevorzegras so you’re the boyfriend

→ rutgermcgroarty you were the first one to figure it out?!????!

→ yourusername you know damn well who it is

→ trevorzegras i was joking 😓

username73 who’s gonna tell ethan rut stole his girl

yourusername

liked by rutgermcgroarty, vivianliu, and 283,917 others

yourusername redecorated my room again with fav idiots #1 and #2 cuz it lowk looked ugly and i hated it!!!

tagged: vivianliu, rutgermcgroarty

view all comments

edwards.73 i remember taking videos of us in those mirrors

→ edwards.73 i rewatch them every night

→ yourusername ETHAN PLS YOU ARE PUBLICLY COMMENTING.

→ edwards.73 oops i must have forgotten

→ lhughes_06 oh. my. god.

→ jackhughes WTFFFFFF

→ rutgermcgroarty bro ts freaky asf

→ luca.fantilli NO ONE NEEDED TO KNOW???

→ colecaufield maybe i should just stop reading your comments

→ dylanduke25 i’m currently pouring bleach into my eyes

→ trevorzegras this comment was NOT NECESSARY

→ _quinnhughes i’m going to kill you

rutgermcgroarty IM FAV IDIOT #1

→ vivianliu NO UR FUCKING NOT

→ yourusername go ahead fight it out

→ vivianliu I KNEW HER FIRST

→ rutgermcgroarty I WAS HER FIRST FRIEND IN COLLEGE

→ vivianliu WE’VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR A DECADE

→ rutgermcgroarty I TOOK HER TO ALL THE FUN PARTIES WHILE YOU STAYED BACK LIKE A PARTY POOPER

→ vivianliu YEAH THEN U HOOKED UP W HER AFTER THE VERY FIRST ONE???

→ rutgermcgroarty HEY LIL BRO WE DONT BRING THAT UP ANYMORE

→ yourusername OH MY GOD WE WERE DRUNK STOP

→ lhughes_06 WHEN TF DID THAT HAPPEN???????

→ vivianliu like the day after she met the whole team 💀 lhughes_06

→ lhughes_06 next time i see you it’s on sight rutgermcgroarty

→ rutgermcgroarty PLEASE WE WERE DRUNK OUT OF OUR MINDS

→ _quinnhughes LUKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HER???

→ lhughes_06 I DIDNT KNOW ANY OF THIS SHIT

username79 rosie and rut hooked up whaaaaat 😱

→ username65 i mean it’s not like we didn’t suspect it

username81 WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON

username87 such an aesthetic room

_alexturcotte i did not click on this post expecting so much drama 😭😭

→ yourusername our unbothered king 🙏🙏

→ markestapa king hahaha get it bc he’s on the kings

→ yourusername 😐

→ markestapa 😞

dylanduke25 i wish i was that mirror

→ yourusername WHAT.

→ edwards.73 run it back?????

→ lhughes_06 PAUSE

→ adamfantilli IM SORRY WHAT

→ luca.fantilli clipped

→ mackie.samo bro’s never beating any allegations ever again

→ colecaufield bro 💀

username70 im so confused wtf is happening

username68 RUT AND ROSIE SINCE WHEN

username43 i’m so sorry but there’s no way luke didn’t know anything

trevorzegras I SEE THE IKEA DRESSER

→ yourusername ITS UR MASTERPIECE 🙌🙌

→ trevorzegras van gogh envies me

jackhughes the sunglasses are pretty stylish if i do say so myself

→ yourusername you actively bullied me when i bought them 🙄

→ vivianliu RIGHT i like to think i pull them off pretty well

→ rutgermcgroarty THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING

→ yourusername YOU BULLIED ME TOO RUT

username53 you’re literally the prettiest girl i’ve ever seen

adamfantilli you didn’t tell me you and rut hooked up.

→ yourusername BECAUSE WE. WERE. DRUNK.

→ luca.fantilli THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING

→ markestapa FR HOW WAS VIVIAN THE ONLY ONE TO KNOW

→ vivianliu don’t drag me into this 😒

→ rutgermcgroarty WE DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHING

→ vivianliu that’s not what i was hearing from the other room

→ yourusername OH MY GODDDD STOP

→ edwards.73 ⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

→ rutgermcgroarty PLS IM BEGGING STOP EXPOSING US

username89 rut got some game

username70 yall keep talking abt rosie n rut but wb her and ethan??? 😭

username35 are we just gonna ignore ethan’s whole entire comment

luca.fantilli i will never look in those mirrors the same

→ yourusername neither will i 😬

→ edwards.73 fr

→ lhughes_06 don’t worry when i get back i’ll throw all that shit away and change her locks so he can’t get in

→ yourusername LUKE STOP

jackhughes i hate this it’s so hard

→ yourusername umm WHAT

→ jackhughes trying to guess who’s messing around w u

→ yourusername are u dumb i thought i figured it out already

→ dylanduke25 👀👀👀👀👀

→ yourusername please duker no

→ dylanduke25 t-t-t-t-t-that-

→ yourusername NO

→ dylanduke25 t-t-t-t-t-THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID 😉😉😉

→ yourusername goddammit

username39 rut’s comment 💀💀

username4 DROP THE LIPSTICK SHADE PLSS

_quinnhughes you’re lucky mom doesn’t look at the comments

→ yourusername mhmmm

→ _quinnhughes wait but why don’t you just delete the comments

→ yourusername they’re funny ‼️‼️

_alexturcotte young lady why is that finger up 🤨

→ yourusername technicallyyyy it’s pointing down 🤓🤓

→ _alexturcotte 🙄

vivianliu bae what’s that noise coming from your room

→ edwards.73 she’s prob busy rn broski

→ vivianliu you disgust me

→ yourusername IN BISY

→ yourusername IM BUDT

→ yourusername IM BUSY

→ lhughes_06 OH MY GOD WTFFFF

→ jackhughes scarred for life

→ _quinnhughes i don’t need the mental image of my baby sister good god

next chapter notes ) low quality chapters lets goooo (not proofread)

tags: @dancerbailey3 @hughesfein @loveforaugust @alwaysclassyeagle @love4ldr @inhoodmood @bunting58 @crazycat-ladys-blog @smoooore @bunbunbl0gs

#ethan edwards #ethan edwards x y/n #ethan edwards x reader #ethan edwards fic #ethan edwards fanfic #quinn hughes #jack hughes #trevor zegras #cole caufield #alex turcotte #luke hughes #mackie samoskevich #mark estapa #dylan duke #rutger mcgroarty #luca fantilli #adam fantilli

249 notes · View notes

absolutebl · 7 months ago

Text

This Week in BL - new entries upset the rankings

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

April 2024 Wk 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 11 of 12 - Like most Thai BL pulps, this show doesn’t have much story to it. But I'm discovering that what it does have I actually really enjoy. I love that the gay boys got to play matchmaker for a change and I like how just GAY they are. It's nice. Refreshing.

We Are (Weds GMMTV iQIYI) ep 1-2 of 16 - University ensemble BL featuring PondPhuwin, WinnySatang, AouBoom, MarcPawinPoon. I like it. It’s old school Thai BL, but having fun with itself and its tropes. I’m not expecting much, so I don’t mind it waffling. All the couples are comfy. Chemistry is okay. Friendships are nifty. I like Pond's floppy hair. We fine.

Two Worlds (Thurs IQIYI) ep 5 of 10 - What an extremely bloody episode. And bad guy turned out to be very bad indeed. And now pretty much everyone is dead. Nice kiss. Of course.

Deep Night (Thurs iQiyi) ep 6 of 8 - It’s cute, they happy, not a ton happened. Random gratuitous bathing. As you do in BL. And I still think the sides should just end up in a thrupple

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 2 of 12 - Oh they very cute. Also very silly.

1000 Years Old (Thurs iQIYI) ep 9 of 12 - No. NOT THE GUITAR. YES abandon guitar for the sniff test! Love this for them. And me. My most favorite trope defeated my least favorite trope. VICTORY!!!

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Unknown (Taiwan Tues YouTube & Viki) ep 8 of 11 - It’s just so good. Baby went away, grew up, and learned how to become a temptation... and a husband.

Gray Shelter AKA Gray Currents (Korea Thurs iQIYI) 1 of 5 eps - SooHyuk, only just surviving, reunites with YoonDae, his (brief) younger stepbrother who feels abandoned. They end up living together. The younger brother is played by Lee Jae Bin of Choco Milk Shake. OMG. STEPBROTHERS TROPE. Lucky me! Two in one season. Yay!!!! It's Korea so great visuals too. I shallow but yeah, this is great.

Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Kindly Ryota goes off to uni only to find his new roommate is his childhood bestie, Kazuhito. Kazuhito doesn’t have a girlfriend and Ryota tries to help him figure out why. Same director as Old Fashion Cupcake. It’s utterly charming. I am charmed. Also the framing is gorgeous (of course). Very stylish.

Love is Better the Second Time Around AKA Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 6fin - I don’t know. Kind of a flat ending with the leads apart for most of it. I enjoyed this show but it never really hit with me.

Summation

After a teen betrayal and resulting separation a reporter reunites with his first love. That love wants him back. I enjoyed the authenticity of a reunion romance explored in Japan's quintessentially contemplative yet surreal way. The juxtaposition of the tenderness of the sex scenes with this Japanese style of authenticity was oddly elegant but all in all this still fell a little flat for me. There's nothing objectively wrong with it, but in total the narrative felt sluggish and the main couple were just... stiff (in the wrong way). Frankly, I'd rather just rewatch Tokyo in April is. 8/10

Love is like a Cat (Korea Mon Viki) eps 3-4 of 12 - What is going on with this show? No, I get the plot. I just don't get the show or why I’m watching it. Annoying.

It's done, but I suck

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps

To Be Continued (Sat C3 Thailand grey) ep 7-8fin - I can't for the life of me find the final 2 episodes. Haven't had a real hunt, but yeah. No dice so far.

It's airing but...

Takumi-kun Series 6: Nagai Nagai Monogatari (Japan Furritsubs) eps 1-? of 10 - I may wait and binge it.

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.

Kiseki Chapter 2 (Sun iQIYI) 6 eps - It’s so boring DNFed at 2.

Close Friend Season 3: Soju Bomb! (Weds iQIYI) 6 - The problem with situational comedy BL is it must be situational, comedic and a BL. This show gets 1 of 3 claims correct. 33% is not a passing grade. Dropped at 3.

Memory in the Letter (Thai WeTV) - only 4 eps, tell me if I should bother?

Next Week Looks Like This:

4/18 At 25:00 in Alaska AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) 10 eps - Yuki lands his first starring role in a BL drama alongside superstar Asami (previously his senior at uni). Said superstar suggests they form a sham relationship until filming concludes. As they actually begin to fall in love, the spotlight begins to burn. I think I've seen this before (joke) and also the trailer doesn't inspire confidence.

Still to Come in April

4/25 Boys Be Brave! AKA Roommates (Korea Thurs Viki) 8 eps - Trailer Jung Ki Sub is Kim Jin Woo's slacker friend - and secret crush. So when Ki Sub crashes at his place, his heart tingles to be near him everyday. But as the short stay turns into permanent mooch, how long can Jin Woo keep his true feelings under wraps and hold back from confessing?

4/26 My Stand-In (Thai iQIYI) 12 eps - adaptation of Chinese novel "Professional Body Double" by Shui Qiang Cheng. Stars Up (Lovely Writer) and Poom (Bake Me Please) directed by the same team as KP (not a recommendation IMHO - my biggest criticism of that show was the clashing directing styles). This one looks complicated, lemme try: Joe is a stuntman for famous actor Tong. Joe falls in love with Ming but Ming sees Joe as nothing more than a Tong-replacement. After learning this horrible truth, Joe dies. Joe then wakes up in the body of another man also named Joe. He manages to rebuild the same life as before—with the same people eventually re-meeting Ming. Ming wants Joe back but Joe doesn't understand why. But Ming seems to know what's going on and wants to give him some kind of explanation.

I'm exhausted just trying to describe the plot.

Knock-Knock Boys (Thai WeTV) - 4 college friends conspire to help their friend lose his virginity. Familiar faces like Seng (yes, Billy's previous pairing) and Best, news here. But will it actually air this month?

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

NOTE: It looks like one of my personal favorites of last year Unintentional Love Story is getting a spin off!

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

Sniff test turning into a make out sesh? Please and thank you. City of Stars

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a bother.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy.

172 notes · View notes

palskippah · 3 months ago

Text

*Slaps some Los Angeles Azules on this married-divorced couple* WOOO

Hi!

I was listening to this song the other day and thought about making a stupid thing with Comic Ambrosius sitting in a plastic chair with a bottle (of alcohol) in hand with colorful lights like a party- but I drew this comic instead where nothing happens and it's just Ambrosius looking at Ballister jskdsj

I didn't give myself much time to draw it bc I got stuff to do (pipipi) but it's colorful and that's all that matters to me ajskd

Under the cut there's the first idea and other things too c:

HC that Ambrosius listens to vieja culia's (HC 2 that he's a thirty-something vieja culia too) music and drinks Gato Negro wine and cries for Ballister while regretting his life choices from fifteen years ago

BTWW I wrote down this idea aksjdsaj I hope it makes sense, also I base every single thing I make for them on the few first chapters I read of the comic on internet, so- you know🧍 each number is supposed to be a panel wiii

It's based over that moment in the Good Place where Michael's like 'what am i supposed to say-?' and then says all he has done wrong, and Chidi's like, yeah, exactly that. And so, Michael apologies for real and he confesses he's scared and waa (I think, i haven't rewatched the show in a while pipipi)

I swear that I had thought of something deeper but then I forgot to write it down at the moment and had to improvise now ajsdkadj Curse my terrible memory.

Anyways, maybe Ballister's getting the apology he wanted but he hates Ambrosius so much and has so much resentment that his apology just makes him angrier- in a Yeah, you should hate yourself, I'm glad you do way, but he still feels like weird bc the guy's apologizing, and he has fondness for Ambrosius despite everything, so he's like 🧍

(HC that he is very resentful and is very hurt/upset that it took Ambrosius so long to dignify himself to apologize?)

I love them so much your honor

By the way, I didn't know Comic Ambrosius was a tad bit shorter and I love that fact 10/10

#nimona #ballister blackheart #ambrosius goldenloin #goldenheart #blackloin #my art #I'm drawing another comic but it's pure fluff based over a little scene in a kdrama with movie goldenheart and the difference is so funny #where younger ballister says something romantic and younger Ambrosius' like (manly) squealing and then playing it cool #but Ballister already looked at him with heart eyes forever and ever - their relationship was sorta new so they're still awkward and shy #HC that Ambrosius or maybe not so hc that he's very enthusiastic and sometimes loud and his personality is endearing to Ballister #BROSKI I love the fact that both ships are so different fr asdjhdja #Like I only think sad stuff for Blackloin but only sweet stuff for movie Goldenheart I just want the bestest for the last ship #And the first one nu huh

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goblin-king-jay · 3 months ago

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i recently rewatched all of the unsleeping city and am now onto unsleeping city chapter 2, and you know what

i used to think of cody as a joke, the dorky sword kid, but i forgot how absolutely fucking real he was

if i had been the person i wanted to be when i was a teenager, i would've ABSOLUTELY been a cringey overenthusiastic goth kid like cody walsh is.

i'm on episode 2, where pete turns the devil that cody sold his soul to (very quickly and willingly lmao) into a chest tattoo for him, and murph is like, "cody never smiles and so he's trying SO HARD not to smile right now". cody tries to be SO CHILL about the fact that he just found out less than 24 hours ago that MAGIC IS REAL and DEVILS ARE REAL and he meets these awesome fucking adults, one of whom takes the devil he sold his soul to (again, he offered his soul to this devil immediately) and turns it into a CHEST TATTOO with MAGIC.

I would be fucking LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND if that happened to me as a senior in high school. Cody, and Murph by extension, truly is all of us fuckin nerdy kids from high school who wanted to swing swords around and wear spiked collars and (bleem tim curry voice) CHAIN WALLETS and just like

IMAGINE if you were cody walsh!!! I would be vibrating out of my fucking SKIN by then. I would want to hug Pete and never let go.

"no one has ever been this happy. this is just fucking -- normal stuff --" for you guys, he probably meant to say, because he's so overwhelmed by these 2 grown-ups he just met who like, give a shit and want to know what his deal is and help him for some reason?!? they don't even want anything from him they just??? genuinely want to help him out of the fucking goodness of their hearts???

that would have turned me religious on the SPOT I would believe in magic and the power of friendship more than ANYONE like goddamn. I would be like k / dream / karen tanaka (the cutest fuckin name btw erika ishii ilu) like, trying to have a dark aesthetic but right below the surface i would be squealing like a fangirl in a puffy pink dress.

ANYWAY cody is trying to be SO CHILL around these badass adults who are very blasé and normal about this whole magic thing so he's trying to match their energy and be chill

and ally is laughing their ass off, loving murph pulling faces like he's trying so hard to not smile it's like his face is spasming, but then they get into character and take him SO seriously and when cody says thank you Pete is just like, "for sure man i got you."

i love ally so gd much for that, like. because now i can also see the situation from pete's perspective of this fucking edgelord kid who you just want to ruffle his hair or something but he's SO CHUFFED because MAGIC IS FUCKING REAL but he matches cody's energy and is just like for sure dude, we're very cool and chill about this because bros don't show emotion or whatever lmao. it's so cute I love them and can't wait to re-experience how their friendship evolves over the season.

anyway if you got this far thank you for reading, I wrote this while high and just felt screaming about cody walsh.

#dimension 20 #d20 #the unsleeping city #tuc 2 #brian murphy #the unsleeping city 2 #d20 tuc #d20 tuc2 #tuc #dropout #dropout tv #dropout.tv #pete conlan #cody walsh #ally beardsley

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radawayghoul · 4 months ago

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His Little Dove | Chp. 2 Sneak Peek

Pairing: Lee Russell x AFAB Reader

Warnings: none really...slight yearning?, the usual cursing, that's all really

A/N: Okay, I know this isn't much by any means BUT, I wanted to give y'all something because it's been WAY too long and y'all deserve it for being so kind to me and being so very patient!! There isn't much more left to write. This chapter is pretty hefty though I will say that, haha!! Love you!! Thank you for your patience!! -Artie✨

That evening after showering, ordering some takeout, and dressing in her nicest, skimpiest silk PJ's, Y/N was settled onto her couch with her comforter to do her usual rewatch of Pride and Prejudice when there was a sharp knock on her door.

Rolling her eyes, Y/N let out a loud groan which was met with, "Oh shut up, I know you ain't doin' nothin' important, now come let me in!" from none other than Lee Russell on the other side of her door.

Placing her food on the table and throwing her blanket off of her, Y/N stomped to her front door and ripped it open. "You're cutting into my personal time, Lee, what do you want? Aren't you supposed to be having dinner with your wife?" Y/N crossed her arms over her chest, raising a brow.

Lee sighed, dressed in his casual clothes, giving her his puppy dog eyes, "We got into another fight. We ain't been doin' well." He shook his head, ushering himself into Y/N's house.

Sighing, Y/N closed and locked the door, following Lee over to where he had taken her seat on the couch.

"She doesn't like our neighbor, Jackie, and she doesn't think I'm man enough to handle it," Lee continued, sighing, "I don't know what else to do."

Y/N studied him for a moment. She could see how much stress he was carrying. He looked so tired.

"You could just kick his ass," Y/N joked, poking Lee in his side which made him squirm but he cracked a smile, "Hmm, that's better. I like it more when you smile."

Lee's eyes softened as he stared at her. Slowly and hesitantly, he lifted a hand to brush her cheek. His eyes drifted along her face, committing every detail to memory the best he could.

Tag List: @one-of-thewalkingdead @itsyellow @ajeff855 @vulgarfuckinvirgo77 @casiaregina @dried-mushroom @justme12200 @wtfwhyanyway @sequoiassoul @saturnbourne @ryankaylamartin96 @avidreadee123 @theweirdoneee @saltysultry @radskull-69 @deviantgamergirl @caligrl1992 @littlenosoul @toogaytofunctiondangit @its-in-the-woods @castle-of-ruin @hiddlebatchedloki @blackwoodtree @cherrybonbonss @aliisa-jones @looneylooomis @harmfulb1tch @sir-henry-may @danveration @lacey-mercylercy @piper570

if i missed anyone or you'd like to be removed, please don't hesitate to let me know!!

#lee russell #lee russell x reader #vice principals x reader #vice principals #neal gamby #danny mcbride #hbo vice principals #walton goggins #hbo max #his little dove #artie writes

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httpiastri · 6 months ago

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PERFECTLY FINE – CHAPTER TWO (JEDDAH)

genre: angst, fluff, comfort, etc.

word count: 6k

warnings: hmmm nothing except heartbreak in several scenes lol

author's note: guys im really sorry but im pretty mean to paul here..... like it got to the point where i rewatched jeddah videos of him and physically felt ill because i was mad at him LMAO 😭 but we'll get through this together!! this was supposed to include some other scenes but it was long enough as it was sooo 😶 summary for this chapter ig is yn feels very torn between her boys, and so do i. hope everyone has a good week (it's finally race week again aaaaa) !! 💗

also i think the next chapter might be shorter because i just wanna get it out already and i don't have a lot to write about in it hehe, fingers crossed that i can finish it soon<3

(alsoooo i proofread this a few days ago but i just cant find the energy or time to do it rn, praying that there are no big issues…. if there are, i would be so thankful if you could send me an ask or message etc 🙏)

series masterlist

"i still can't believe i missed out on the top ten again. and by just three hundredths, even..."

pepe shakes his head as you both make your way out of the campos truck, dragging a frustrated hand through his hair before pulling on his red bull cap. you can't help but chuckle – he's been like this all day, and all evening yesterday. you understand it, though; finishing just outside the reverse grid pole once again must feel frustrating.

not that you can relate. with a much better qualifying session yesterday in your second-ever qualifying in formula 2, you managed to snatch an eight-place finish. in other words, you will be starting third in today's sprint race, and just the thought of the probability of getting some big points sends tingles through your entire body.

"you'll get it next time," you say with a pat on your friend's back. "i mean, look at ollie. from p-nowhere last week to pole yesterday. that can be you next time around."

you've just come out of your morning meeting – morning meaning starting at ten and ending around noon – and now you're finally getting some lunch in the red bull hospitality. even during a race weekend like this, with mostly evening and night sessions, you still managed to oversleep and almost didn't make it in time for your meeting. you didn't get to have any breakfast, you had to run all the way from the shuttle to the truck, and you even forgot one of your racing boots as well as your phone in your hotel room. thankfully, you'll still have time to go back to the hotel before the sprint race, but walking around without your phone feels like being naked.

"speaking of ollie," pepe starts as you turn left and head into the formula one paddock. "are things between you two... alright?"

your eyebrows furrow together at the pause in the middle of his sentence. "why wouldn't they be?"

"well, i..." he stops again, and it makes you want to shake him. "i heard something. but it doesn't matter."

"who are you to decide that it doesn't matter?" you scoff. "tell me."

pepe sighs – he knows fighting you over this is a losing battle. you're way too stubborn to let go of this. "i heard that you were having issues. that you aren't happy, or something along those lines..."

you stop in your tracks, brain working in overdrive to comprehend what your friend is telling you. not happy with ollie? why would you not be happy with him? "who told you this?"

pepe stops in front of you. "i heard it from kimi, who heard it from... paul."

"what?" your eyes squeeze shut as your hands interlace on top of your head. "why would kimi come to you? instead of asking ollie himself?"

"you know kimi," pepe starts instantly. "he's young and gullible. i think he wanted to go for the see-if-the-best-friend-knows-anything strategy instead of asking ollie straight out." his hands squeeze your shoulders softly and you look up at him, a hint of a pout on your lips. "i guess he was scared that ollie would get mad at him or something."

"it's just-" you sigh. "it doesn't make any sense, does it?" pepe is just about to say something more when you cut him off with a dismissive swat of your hand in the air, stepping away from him and continuing your walk down the paddock. "let's just forget about it. i need lunch."

pepe stands frozen for a few moments before hurrying up to you again. he can't quite read your mood – you look unbothered, but he can't help but notice the slight touch of redness of your ears and the way your eyes seemingly can't focus on one thing for long enough. there's no way you can be over it already.

with pepe shutting up for a little while for the first time ever, you're left all alone with your thoughts as you continue your stroll. you know you should've asked for more information; you should've asked for details, for exactly what kimi said and how he worded it. you probably should also ask kimi himself for what paul told him. but right now, it's like a shadow is clouding your vision.

how dare paul say something like that? he must've known that the rumors he made up would spread like wildfire, as they always do in the formula paddocks. the snowball effect can make something tiny become huge, which is why you're always cautious about rumors. but apparently, paul doesn't care about that.

you're far too enraged to think even straight, and that's why it takes pepe pulling your arm to make you stop walking. you frown – to be fair, your frown hasn't left since it appeared a few minutes ago – but when you realize what it is that he's pointing at, both your frown and your jaw drop.

there's a swarm of journalists and fans following a ferrari driver down the road in front of you, which isn't all that uncommon. both charles and carlos are always incredibly popular. but what blows your mind is the fact that when you finally catch a glimpse of the driver's face, it's neither of the team's main drivers.

it's ollie.

"ollie! mate!" pepe yells, his arm waving erratically over his head. it takes a moment for the brit to find the owner of the voice, but he's tall enough to look over everyone else, and he's soon making his way over to you both. "i know you're popular, but this all seems a little excessive, don't you think?"

"i don't know what happened, as soon as the news came out..." ollie lets out a chuckle before turning to you, eyebrows raised at your expression. "i've called you like a hundred times, what have you been up to?"

"i left my phone at the hotel-" you begin but cut yourself off and shake your head. "wait, what news?"

when ollie starts speaking, time slows down. the entire world around you goes dark, the only thing you can hear being ollie's explanation of how carlos needs surgery and the call he got as he was having lunch. you feel lightheaded, almost like you could faint, when he speaks his final words. "...and they said i will be the one to replace him. i'm driving the formula one grand prix tomorrow."

you don't waste any time before throwing yourself into his arms, a loud squeal passing through your lips. "are you kidding me?" you exclaim, hugging him even tighter. "this is incredible, ollie! oh my god, i..."

"i can't really believe it myself, to be honest," ollie says, shaking his head as you part from the hug. pepe slaps his shoulder, congratulating his friend. "i would love to stay and chat, but i need to be in the car for the last practice, and i have a lot to get done-"

"go! go!" you usher, softly shoving him away back towards the journalists and fans who are still waiting just a few meters away. "we will talk later, okay?"

"of course."

and then you watch him leave – your boyfriend, the soon-to-be formula one driver – with a much lighter heart. this definitely helps you forget about all of the things regarding paul.

at least for a little while.

but of course, pepe stops your train of thought. "does that mean i get the reverse grid pole?"

you've never ever been to the ferrari garage before, so as you stand in the middle of it, you have no idea where to go or what to do; this is completely new territory. thankfully, you got a vip-pass from ollie before he ran off for his pre-practice duties, so at least you have the privilege of looking like a fool inside of the garage instead of right outside the doors.

a fool dressed in a red bull race suit, even. great.

you were in the middle of preparations for your sprint race when ollie texted you, and since you still had some time before the race started, you made it over to the other side of the paddock as quickly as you could. but unfortunately, that meant that you didn't have time to change your outfit into something more discreet.

"you don't look like you belong here, miss," a voice rumbles from behind you. your heart stops in your chest, and you're ready to improvise an excuse or find an escape route when you turn around – but luckily, you're met with chris, ollie's manager, standing there.

"thank god you're here," you say, letting out a sigh of relief. "do you happen to know where ollie is?"

"he's borrowing carlos's room. it's right down the hall and to the left."

you quickly thank him, turning again and making your way down said hallway. the room is easy to find, the two big, red fives on the door sticking out among the white walls. you're glad to find it unlocked, but you still knock a few times before sticking your head inside.

"sweetheart? can i come in?"

ollie is sitting on a massaging table, elbows on top of his legs and head resting in his hands. his eyes are stuck on the floor, but you take his silence as a yes.

"i got your text," you say, tiptoeing inside and shutting the door behind you, careful to not make any loud sounds to scare him. "how are you doing?"

when he still doesn't answer, your heat rate picks up. is something really wrong?

you make your way over to him, hands finding his cheeks and softly tilting him up to look at you – and you swear you've never seen him look this wrecked before.

not after his worst crashes, not when he lost the rookie championship last year. once again, you've entered completely new territory, and your heart breaks at the sight of him.

"ollie, talk to me," you plead, biting back the pout that starts to form on your lips. it's so painful to look into his eyes, but you can't back down. not now, not when he needs you this much.

"i'm-" his voice cracks but he shakes his head, clearing his throat. "i'm so nervous, i don't know what to do."

it's like he's oozing anxiety, and his heavy sigh is like a stab in your chest. ollie, your usually so calm and collected boyfriend, is probably going crazy over this – you know him well enough by now to understand that he's definitely freaking out even more on the inside than what he shows or tells. "i get that. one hundred percent. but," your thumbs begin to stroke over the skin of his cheeks, along his jaw, and then finally across his eyebrows, to which his eyes flutter closed. "this is your dream. it's been your dream since forever, and now you finally have the chance."

ollie sighs, but nods. you're getting to him.

"and it's not just any car, it's a ferrari. do you realize how cool that is? do you realize how many people would kill for an opportunity like this?" you smile at the sight of him with his eyes still shut, eyelashes resting atop his cheeks, messy fringe covering his forehead. even like this, at his most stressed state, he's completely gorgeous. "you would've killed for an opportunity like this just 24 hours ago."

"but what if i ruin it?" his voice is barely above a whisper when he speaks, shoulders slumping forward. "what if i go out there and i'm shit, and then they realize what a big mistake they've done by even putting me in the academy? what if-"

"it won't happen." his eyelids slowly open and he looks up at you, seemingly not even the slightest upset that you cut him off. "you're too good to do that. you'll get in that car and it will feel like your second home, just like it always does."

finally, a small smile makes its way onto his lips. it's only been a few minutes since you came in, but he seems much more relaxed now, leaning into your touch completely. "i'll try my best to make you proud."

you pout. "i'll be proud even if you end up with a slower lap than your pole lap from yesterday."

a laugh bubbles from his chest and he stands up from the table, opening his arms wide and pulling you in for a tight hug. his heart is still beating louder than a drum in his chest when your ear is pressed up against it, and you're almost worried it will jump out any second. but his breaths are much more controlled now, and his mind seems much lighter.

he presses a long kiss to the crown of your head, arms squeezing you tight. "i really need to go, because the sprint starts in..." you shoot a quick glance to the clock on the wall. "forty-five minutes. my team is going to kill me. but go out there and show them, baby."

and that's exactly what he did.

though, that's not the only thing you were correct about; your team was indeed furious when you finally made it back to the campos garage. your main engineer, who was supposed to help you get strapped in and fix all of the last details with the car over fifteen minutes ago, was apparently so angry he left you to do everything yourself. it's not that you didn't know about your schedule; you just needed to be there for ollie before his big debut.

everything works out in the end, at least according to you, and you're soon settled in your car on the grid, waiting to go on your formation lap. however, you've barely gotten as much as a glance from anyone on your team. you can't help but press the button to activate your radio. "i'm really sorry, guys. i just... had to do something."

"hope it was worth it." the voice of one of your engineers booms through your earpieces instantly, the sternness in his tone sending a shiver down your spine. "we got a huge fine because you were so late to get into the car, so..."

another of your engineers speaks up. "let's focus on the race instead now. no need to fight."

maybe it was because you got to visit ollie right before the race, or maybe it was just starting third and having a good car. either way, the sprint race was one of your best races in a long time. not only did you pass richard verschoor starting one place ahead of you into turn one; you also overtook paul, who started from pole, before the end of the first lap and got to lead your first laps in formula two ever.

dennis came around to steal the lead from you, but just landing yourself a spot on the podium was enough for you to celebrate. when you scored a second-place finish where the guy in first place was one of your former academy members, it didn't really matter that the guy on the third step of the podium was your ex-boyfriend.

going through all media duties is always exhausting, but it's usually never as dreadful as it is today. sitting in that press conference, knowing that your boyfriend is starting his first ever formula one qualifying in just a few moments. you have to literally bite your tongue not to pull a valtteri bottas and ask the journalists how q1 is going.

when you're this busy, you don't really have any time to think about paul's rumors. though, something about it continues to loom in the back of your mind all evening. especially when he speaks in the press conference, despite how hard you try to not even look at him, and especially when he's asked about ollie.

as the press conference finally comes to an end, you're not the only one who wants to hurry out of there to watch the rest of the qualifying session. you and the rest of the podium trio find a big screen that's showcasing the session, and you all insist that you should stay and watch, despite the f2 staff members' continuous attempts to squeeze the last drops of content from you.

they keep stuffing their phones and cameras in your face, throwing all kinds of questions about ollie your way, but you refuse to budge. you won't let them ruin this moment for you.

you're sure they've gotten quite a lot of embarrassing pictures of you teary-eyed while admiring your boyfriend's results, though.

you follow the timing board like a hawk, but something breaks you out of your trance. "who are you watching?" your head snaps to the direction of the voice – the f2 instagram admin with her phone pointed to paul.

as if you all haven't been watching and chatting about ollie for the last ten minutes.

you try not to, you really do, but you can't help but roll your eyes at the sight of paul. he's trying to look all innocent, hugging his trophy to his chest as his big, blue eyes blink up at the screen in the distance. a year ago, you would've just thought he was adorable – but today, this frustrates you more than anything. "i'm watching my dear friend ollie," he starts, eyes finding the camera so easily.

dear friend, huh? a dear friend is someone you spread rumors about?

the next time he speaks up, you have to physically bite your tongue to not yell at him. "the guy who gave me one position on tomorrow's grid."

you turn your head away in pure disgust. how could he say something like that? is that the only thing he cares about, places in his starting grid for tomorrow's feature race? is he serious?

you want to escape, to just storm off and never speak to him again. but instead, you force yourself to take a deep breath and focus back on the thing you're here for. ollie is doing so well; when q2 ends and he has driven his last lap, he misses out on q3 by just over a hundredth of a second. he almost even manages to knock out the legendary lewis hamilton, his fellow countryman whom he's been following for as long as he can remember, in his first-ever qualifying session.

you've never been prouder.

"honestly, as long as i can just bring the car home without wrecking it completely, i'm satisfied."

you give ollie's hand a soft squeeze at his words, fingers intertwining as your hands rest on top of the hotel cafeteria table. your other hand lifts your sandwich to your mouth and you take a bite, chewing it down quickly before giving him a nod.

you know his statement is meant as a joke, but you know it's just as much of a truth as a lie. driving an actual ferrari f1 car is his biggest dream, and even just making an alright race probably is enough to make him happy. there's no pressure on him, no one is expecting him to perform a miracle or even score some points.

but at the same time, you know he would never be satisfied with himself if he "just" brought it home safely. ollie isn't like that; he's way too stubborn, too determined, too much of a sore loser. it's what makes him. no matter what he says, there's always going to be something inside of him telling him that he needs to do better.

"i think you'll score your first points today," you tell him with a shrug. "i can feel it."

"don't say that, we don't know anything yet."

a shake of your head in combination with that smile of yours is enough to make some hope spark in him. "well, you have the car for it," you start. "and you have the skills."

ollie stays silent, letting the distant chatter of the other hotel guests having their breakfast fill the air. the cafeteria is emptying out by now, but new faces have been dropping in for a long time now, most of them walking by to give ollie a pat on his shoulder or a quick "good luck, mate".

you put down the last of your sandwich, leaving it behind with the fruit rinds and other scraps on your plate. "but don't think too much," you hum, eyes softening as they land on his. he's trying to contain his worries and anxiety as much as he can, but the slight tilt of his eyebrows and the way his gaze tends to dart away every once in a while tells a different story. "it's just driving. it's just what you always do, no problem."

you hold your glass of orange juice up to him and he gets the hint, clinging his own glass to yours before downing the last of its contents.

you're just about to speak up again with new words of affection, but an icy feeling spreads through your body at the sight of paul entering the cafeteria. the feeling soon turns into real nausea, and you can't even remember what you were supposed to say when you realize that he's making his way towards the two of you.

you want nothing more than to stay and keep encouraging ollie, but you can't take it at this moment. you stand up from your seat, giving ollie's fingers one last squeeze. "i forgot that i have a meeting soon," you make up. "so i need to go. i'll come see you before the race, okay?"

he doesn't even get to say bye before you've stormed off.

unfortunately, you have to pass paul in order to make it to the exit, but you make no effort to even recognize that he exists. you keep your gaze straight ahead.

karl, paul's physio, does a quick greeting from you though – as well as a confused look at the candle pressed into a pastry in one of the hotel's yogurt bowls – but then, you're off to hide in your hotel room until you're needed at the track for race preparations.

of course paul had to come by and ruin everything yet again.

with a good race from yesterday in the bag, you thought you could keep the momentum into today. however, that didn't turn out to be the case.

when a trident driver hit you from behind in the first lap, you lost a few positions instantly and after that, it was a bit too tough to recover. you had opportunities for overtakes, and the car was good enough to go through with them, but you never could. you kept slipping up, making rookie mistakes, and falling back even further. it even got to the point where your team came on the radio to remind you to focus on the road.

but no matter how hard you tried, it wouldn't work. the entire race, something else clouded your mind.

or, more specifically, someone.

every time you even caught a glimpse of paul's silver car, it was like something in your mind short-circuited. the memory of your conversation with pepe, the thought about paul running around and spreading rumors about you in the paddock… you couldn't push the thoughts, or the anger, away.

other times, back in the day, you were always good at turning your anger into something positive for your races. if you were upset with your father for something he said about red bull or the junior program, you went out there and proved him wrong. if you heard that another driver had complained about how you just got your seat because you were a girl, you made sure to dominate the race.

your stubbornness was always your biggest strength. but today, it was like your tank had run out. as much as you wanted to completely crush paul, you didn't have the capability.

at least paul didn't have that good of a race, either.

the second you get out of your car, you storm off towards your garage. you know you'll probably get a lot of shit for your performance your entire debrief, but if you can at least get over with it sooner, then you can forget about it and refocus on the next race weekend. plus, you really want to catch ollie before he's away for his f1 debut.

thankfully, you're not the only one getting criticized during the debrief; the team is not very happy with pepe's start, nor his DNF. after they've gone on and on about how costly this weekend has been for the team for an hour, you're finally released, but not without one last reminder to "think about what you're doing here and whose time you're wasting".

it's natural to lose all energy and confidence after a race like this. but the second you're back in ollie's arms, it's like the world around you just disappears. he's always been the best at keeping you grounded.

you've probably never hugged him this tightly before, but you can't help it. the second your arms wrap around his neck, you pour everything you have into the embrace.

he looks so good, so handsome and professional dressed up in his ferrari race suit. not just his prema suit with the ferrari logo on it, but an actual ferrari outfit. he looks like a real f1 driver – and the realization that he indeed is a formula one driver now brings tears to your eyes.

"hey," he says around a chuckle. "don't cry on me, woman."

"i won't..." you reach up to wipe away a drop from the corner of your eye as you pull away slightly from his embrace, shaking your head. "i won't. i'm just so proud of you."

"why are you so sappy?" the scene in front of him brings a huge grin to ollie's lips – he finds you equal parts adorable and hilarious. "i'm just going out there to drive a car. no biggie."

"no biggie," you repeat with a scoff, dabbing your other eye quickly before doing your best to blink down your other tears. earlier today, you were the one saying all of this was no problem. and yet, now he is the one who has to convince you of it. "right. it's just your passion, the thing you love. but i'm still proud."

an engineer catches ollie's attention above your head, sending him a certain look that has your boyfriend nodding before giving you one last squeeze. "i think i should-"

"of course, go," you usher him, retracting from his arms. "i'll be here after, no matter what happens." he nods, and he's about to leave when you speak up one last time. "have fun, okay?"

"always."

who would've imagined that ollie would not only score points in his first ever f1 race, but also win driver of the day, have the most overtakes, and score a seventh place as the second best british driver of the race?

well, you had imagined everything from him coming last to winning the race by horse lengths. and yet, this was all so unexpected. if someone had told you on wednesday that ollie would score six f1 points three days later, you would've laughed in their face. but now, it feels like it's been a long time coming.

you weren't allowed to stay in the ferrari garage for the actual race – it would've been a pr nightmare for everyone involved – so your nerves were all over the place since you weren't able to hear ollie's radio messages, info about the strategies, and so on. at least you get to wait right outside the garage with jamie, chris and his dad david, being the first to congratulate him after such a good debut race.

he looks completely worn out when he finally walks out through the door, but you can almost feel the pride and happiness radiating from him. his sweaty hair rests messily on top of his head, and an ice vest is draped over his body already to cool him down from the insane heat. and, most importantly, the smile on his lips is bigger than it's been all week.

ollie looks like he doesn't ever want to let go of his dad's hug, his face nuzzled in the crook of david's neck for a long time. you can only guess what things the father is whispering in his son's ear, but when the result is ollie pulling him even closer, your heart expands in your chest.

when they part, it's jamie's and chris's times to congratulate the point-scorer, and when he pulls away from his manager's arms, his eyes land on you. you're pulled into his embrace in just a second, a giggle slipping past your lips when he lifts you up into the air and spins you both around. his strong grip around you never eases, not when he sets you down on your feet again and not when he starts speaking.

"i knew it would be hard, but..." he shakes his head, a sweaty fringe brushing against the side of your head. "my entire body is ruined. like, it doesn't hurt because i have so much adrenaline, but i'm going to be in so much pain later. my neck and my shoulders and-"

another one of your waves of laughter cut off his ramblings, and he joins in once he realizes what he's been doing. when you finally pull apart slightly and your hands come up to cup his cheeks, you're just staring into his eyes for what feels like forever.

your boy, the f1 driver.

"this is from your mum," you whisper to him, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "and this is from your sister." a kiss to his other cheek. "and... this is from me."

ollie has to crouch down slightly because even when you get onto your tippy toes, you can't reach all the way up to his forehead. but once you press your lips against his skin, all of the hidden tension in his eyebrows disappears. he's like putty under your touch.

"i'm so proud."

ollie's groans are muffled by the pillow his face is pressed into, head twitching when your thumbs press into some tense areas of his neck. you shush him jokingly, like a mother comforting a crying baby, but your movements never halt.

ever since he got out of that car, he's been complaining about how sore he is. especially his neck and shoulders, and all of the muscles that were most affected by the g forces. you don't blame him, however – he's got a free pass for pretty much everything for the next week, you think – but you decided to be a nice girlfriend and help him out. the strings of whines and swearwords he keeps letting out don't seem to be stopping anytime soon, though.

the lotion on your hands is enough for you to be able to glide your fingers across his upper back, along his shoulder blades, all over his freckled skin. as you're straddling his lower back, you can reach pretty much all angles of his upper body, and the knots in his muscles seem to be disappearing despite how painful your massage seems to be.

eventually, ollie tilts his head to the side, his blushed cheeks decorated with lines from the pillow underneath him. his slight pout is on full display and his tired eyes flutter closed as he speaks. "hey, y/n?"

"yes, ollie?" you reply, your thumb pressing into one especially stubborn knot in his right shoulder. ollie stays quiet for a few moments and takes a deep breath, almost as if he's gathering courage for something.

"you know that i love you right?"

the world around you stops.

everything freezes.

he loves me?

your breath hitches in your throat at the words. it's the first time he's ever said them, and though it's not the most uncommon thing for someone to tell their girlfriend of over six months, they make your head spin.

a mishmash of thoughts clouds your mind. they won't shut up for even a second. but the loudest thought is the only one you shouldn't have; it's about the only person you can't be thinking about right now.

the way that your mind instantly wanders off to paul is frankly embarrassing, but you can't help it. he's the first boy you've ever loved, the first person you've ever uttered those three words to. the only one. and no matter how badly you wish you could just forget about that and move on, he's still a part of you. he's your only real experience of love.

and this just isn't the same.

you want to say it back to ollie, you truly do. but at the same time, you don't want to say it if it isn't true – it's not fair to him.

ollie senses that something is up. your signs aren't exactly subtle, anyway; your movements have stopped completely and he can't even hear you breathing anymore. "hey, i'm sorry-"

"don't apologize," you interject instantly, shaking your head as you start to climb off his body. "you did nothing wrong. i'm the one who's sorry."

"stop that, you shouldn't be." he turns around, staring up at you with those big, brown eyes of his. "i don't expect you to say it back if you don't want to. i just..." he lets out a low sigh. "i wanted you to know, i guess."

you sit still for a few moments, before leaning down to place a kiss on his rosy cheek. "thank you." another pause. "it means a lot, you know?"

"well, you mean a lot to me."

and he does to you, too.

but is that enough?

ollie loves me.

he actually loves me.

he told me today after the race, and... i didn't say anything. i just sat there like a complete moron.

i couldn't say it back. i just don't feel what i felt for paul yet.

what's wrong with me?

why don't i race like i used to? why can't i control my emotions? was the sprint race yesterday just luck? did i really deserve that podium?

why does paul still affect me this much? why is he always there in my thoughts – when i'm racing, when i'm with ollie, when i try to sleep...

i have a perfect boyfriend and a great car, so why do i feel like everything is falling apart?

yourusername just posted!

yourusername p2 in the sprint 🥈 big thanks to the team for the hard work!! and i got to witness the rb p1-2 up close, congrats redbullracing 💙 also check slide 4 for an appearance from me and my former family on f1tv <3

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user y/n and the prema staff during the driver's parade 😭 they're so cute

→ user her referring to them as her family, byeeee

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user why is no one talking about the last slide???

→ user because i can't talk while i'm crying, sorry

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user great job this weekend y/n !!! thank you for signing my cap 🥺

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user loved to see her celebrate the red bull double podium even after a hard feature race ❤️

→ user she had to balance out the post with that max and checo pic 😭 would've been just ollie & prema otherwise

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