#tried to keep it fair but obviously these are my opinions and some of these points are subjective

[vampyresovereign]

pooka..pooka..!!! do Leona dating HEADCANONS!

*rubs your feet*

your wish is my command pooka doodle... -isa<3

DATING LEONA KINGSCHOLAR HEADCANONS

Pairing: Leona Kingscholar x GN!Reader Fandom: Twisted Wonderland Quick Synopsis: just a bunch of general headcanons of what leona would be like in a relationship + little drabbles in between Tags: Use of Y/N, use of "herbivore" nickname, reader is not Yuu, no specific physical description of reader, reader is a Night Raven student

HOW YOU TWO WOULD MEET

From the way the books/vignettes portray him, I'm going to be real and say I see Leona as an introvert, maybe go as far to say he's kind of a shut in. OBVIOUSLY not as much as Idia, but he doesn't really strike me as someone who would be actively looking for love like that (at first.) definitely not the type to do the cliche "locking eyes with object of affection for the first time and just falling head over heels" shtick. to me, it seems like he's just tuning everything out until he eventually graduates, which is why for you to be even considered, you'd have to be a constant, like someone he's always getting partnered with in classes or a mutual friend. sorry guys.. no hallway crushes here.

In all honesty, you were less than ecstatic when Crewel had decided to partner you with your fellow classmate, Leona Kingscholar.

He had never done anything to you personally to give you a negative impression of him, but it was just his demeanor and how he carried himself around the general public. Not speaking in class, you could barely recall his voice, and constantly maintaining that annoyed scowl.. When he was awake.

Did you mention that he had no shame about sleeping in class?

He just.. intimidated you. When it was about time to shift to your station with Leona, you grabbed your things and awkwardly sat down in the chair next to him. He was leaning back on the chair, eyes closed, ears twitching slightly to let you know he sensed your presence.

Whatever little assignment you two had to do would last a week at most, maybe even shorter than that, so Leona was under the impression he wouldn't have to care about you that much.

Little did he know.

-

CONFESSION HEADCANONS

One thing about Leona is that the man has a TRUCKLOAD of pride inside of him. Though, he's not stupid. He watched Falena fall in love with his future wife, he's seen old friends get into relationships. He is no stranger to love. When he realizes he has feelings for you, his first instinct would be to gaslight himself and try to deny it, especially if you were someone smaller or more sensitive than him. He didn't come to Night Raven to fall in love, especially with someone like you. If anything, it should be the other way around (haaah.) It wasn't even his choice to be on campus to begin with. However, the more he thinks about it, the more he tries to ignore it whilst spending time with you, the more unbearable it becomes to keep his feelings bottled up. The first person he confides in is Ruggie, but not with a direct approach. He'd ask him little one off questions, like "What would you do if _______" or "If you had a partner would ________." Ruggie would most definitely be confused at first, wondering why Leona, who was never once interested in romance was suddenly asking for his opinions on the topic, but Ruggie is smart. He'd see you two hanging out frequently, put the pieces together, and absolutely bombard Leona with questions and jokes. Essentially, Ruggie suggests that the only solution to this "annoyance" as Leona puts it, is for him to grow some balls and tell you how he feels himself. That has Leona grumbling. Expressing your feelings means being vulnerable with someone, something Leona would not be caught dead doing. This isn't fair, where did all his confidence go? If he looked at you any longer, he guessed he going to go into cardiac arrest from the way his heart pounded in his ribcage, like a ticking time-bomb.

"Hey, is everything okay? You said you wanted to talk," You exclaimed.

Leona scratched his head, avoiding eye contact for a few seconds before focusing back on you and your concerned expression. This was embarrassing. There were worse things he hadn't hesitated to say to other people before, but asking you out was of course the thing that had him fumbling like an idiot.

"So.. Remember that movie trailer you kept yappin' about?"

"Of course I do, I've wanted to see it for a while."

"Well, you're in luck. I bought us tickets to go see it Friday night, if you want."

Your lips curled into a small smile, and you began to look genuinely excited. "Really? That's actually so cool of you!"

"Mhm. But by us, I mean just us."

You raised an eyebrow. "...Are you asking me out?"

A light red tint painted his cheeks, indicating to you that you had absolutely hit the nail on his intentions.

"Herbivore, do you want to or not?" He quipped, suddenly getting defensive.

"Alright, alright, sure. It's a date."

-

ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS

After that little movie date, it didn't have to be said, but both of you knew that the feeling was mutual. It wouldn't take long for Leona to start referring to you as his partner, and vice-versa. He wouldn't act much differently than he did when you two were "just friends," but he'd definitely be more territorial, teasing, and affectionate in public. I imagine him to be kind of annoying too, walking up to you with your friends and greeting you by saying some shit like "WSG LIL BRO!" and then proceeding to headlock + give you a noogie in front of them. 😭😭 now.. where did all this sudden energy come from? A few months ago, Ruggie remembered Leona never wanting to get out of bed, avoiding classwork and avoiding people in general if he didn't have to talk to them. But when the two of you start dating, he starts to care a lot more about things he considered insignificant. He suddenly starts to notice how frizzy his hair gets over the course of the day, and brushes it periodically so he'll look good when he meets you after your classes. He puts on a nicer smelling cologne. He starts to take notice of his spending habits. Yeah sure, he's a prince, he got mad money, but at the same time, the numbers are starting to go down because he bought you flowers, expensive jewelry, and more clothes all in one week. He also makes an effort to get to know your friends and interests. It's not like he didn't care much before, but he really likes to listen to your voice and hear you talk. He could do it for hours, falling asleep to it and waking up to it. Speaking of falling asleep, yes cuddling is involved in this relationship. He's lowkey a bad influence. You've gotten in trouble multiple times because you've asked to use the bathroom, using the hall pass as an excuse to roam around in the botanical gardens until you find him. He ALWAYS convinces you to stay with him and take a nap, resulting in you oversleeping and getting detention. But it's aight. Y'all are in detention together. In conclusion, mans is head over heels for you. Screw his head for this sudden vulnerability, and screw you for keeping him around, making him fall deeper everyday.

DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO GET THE FUCKING WEIRD SMALL TEXT WITH RANDOM BIG LETTERS GLITCH OFF IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT BUT ITS PISSING ME OFF -isa<3

[dark-fics-4-you]

possible rafe request?! rafes gf makes him mad by being too friendly at an event w wards business partners so he fucks her at the event 😈

Golden Boy

Warnings: domestic violence, noncon, toxic relationship, jealousy,

You chuckled politely, trying not to glare at the thirty-something year old man in front of you. Despite your best efforts, you couldn’t help but put a little venom in your reply, “Well, I actually do have plans outside of my boyfriend. I’m going to college right now, and I’m actually in a paid internship that I got before Rafe and I met.”

The somewhat handsome, but definitely too old to be your type, business partner, whose name you had already forgotten, gave you an annoyed look, not expecting you to respond that way to his poorly hidden dig at you not belonging at this event.

It was true, in some ways. You were far from your side of the island, and no matter how much time you put into your make up and hair or the price tags of the many expensive clothes Rafe had bought you, the Kooks could always sniff out the people who grew up with nothing.

Before he could respond though, you heard your name being called from behind. Peering past the man in front of you, you could see your boyfriend waving at you to come over to him.

You didn’t even bother telling the asshole in front of you that you were exiting the conversation, you just did, quickly returning to Rafe’s side.

“Ugh perfect timing, that guy I was just talking to was a total jerk,” you whispered in his ear as you gave him a hug.

“Baby, didn’t I tell you to try to get along with these guys?” He seemed angry and you could tell that this event was already stressing him out a lot. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides and everything about him was somewhat jittery, like he wasn’t in his right mind.

“I mean, you know I need to look good in front of them while my Dad’s watching. It means a lot to him.” You looked into his eyes at his words and noticed two things. One, Rafe said it meant a lot to his dad, but you knew it was more about how how much it meant to him. And two, his pupils were much wider than they should have been.

Rafe had obviously done some coke before tonight, trying to calm his nerves and give him some confidence, but it was only doing the opposite.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to make you look bad, but I don’t think it’s fair that I can’t defend myself in front of the people here who are looking down on me.” You shot back at him, annoyed for more reasons than one. “I’m being polite to them, but it would probably be easier for me if you were by my side to stop them from being so rude to me.”

You lowered your voice before speaking again, “And also… I don’t think you should be doing so much coke right now.”

Rafe’s burning glare alone was enough to make you regret saying anything, the return of his tight grip on your arm was just a sick formality at this point, reminding you of the previous bruise he had left in that same spot that you had to cover with makeup for this event.

After being with your boyfriend for so long, you knew the lengths he would go to when he felt personally wronged.

You learned very early on that Rafe was never one to hold back on his verbal abuse, and his physical abuse was no different, although he always tried to keep both incredibly private due to the damage that could come to the Cameron name if it ever came out that Ward’s son, the golden boy, was hitting his girlfriend.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, Rafe. I just care for you, that’s all. I promise I’ll be polite to your dad’s friends.” Your meager apology seemed to be good enough for the moment, and your boyfriend gave you a silent nod after staring at you for several unnerving seconds.

“Be polite, don’t share your opinion, and just keep your mouth shut for the most part. Let them talk about themselves, and they’ll probably think it was the best conversation they’ve had all day.” Rafe grumbled, but his mood improved when he tilted your head up, pressing his lips to yours, large hand still resting under your chin. You kissed him back for what you thought was an appropriate amount of time, but when you tried to pull away, he held you in place, tightly wrapping an arm around your waist and forcing you to kiss him back.

By the time he released you, you pulled away to see several people staring at the two of you, and you felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

Rafe was always doing things like that in public when he felt like other men were threatening your relationship, he always needed to prove himself and stake his claim on you. Let everyone there know that you belonged to him.

“Remember what I said sweetheart. Just try to act like you belong here.” He smirked at his obvious jab at the very thing you felt the most self conscious about right now, before he calmly turned heel, approaching another group of stuffy, rich assholes across the large room.

Your huff of frustration must have been loud enough to be heard by someone standing near you, and you nearly jumped out of your skin when you felt a tap on your shoulder.

To your surprise, when you turned around you were greeted by a man who looked to be about your age.

“You’re Y/N, right?” He held out his hand, which you grabbed, giving him a firm handshake, just like Rafe had taught you.

“Yes I am, although I’m not quite sure if we have met before?” You lightheartedly responded.

“Ah, my apologies, you haven’t, I’m James, I work with your boyfriend at Cameron Development. He’s honestly a blast,” the man, James apparently, chuckled as he recalled several stories of work assignments with Rafe. This led to the two of you exchanging several funny work and college tales.

Despite never having met James before, you felt an instant chemistry with him, nothing romantic at all, of course, but you found him very easy to talk to, and to your surprise, after glancing at your watch, you realized that the two of you had been chatting for nearly 25 minutes!

At this realization, your blood instantly ran cold. Where was Rafe? Why hadn’t he checked on you? Had he seen you talking to the same guy for nearly half an hour, clearly enjoying yourself the entire conversation?

As if he could tell that you were thinking of him, Rafe suddenly appeared several yards away from where your conversation with James was taking place. There was a scowl on his face, and you could tell by the way he was advancing on you that he was pissed.

“Hey, Y/N, why don’t I give you my number, just so you have it?” James innocently asked, completely unaware of the anxiety coursing through your veins and the fact that your boyfriend was in earshot, pushing through the small crowd behind him to reach you.

Before you could even open your mouth to politely decline, Rafe was speaking for you, “She’s not interested.”

You didn’t have time to say goodbye, because your boyfriend was dragging you away from your new friend, his grip harshly digging in to your bruised arm.

“What the fuck did I tell you, Y/N?” His voice was even and calculated, but he couldn’t hide the rage simmering beneath the surface.

“You told me to-”

“I told you to get along with them, not to try to get into their pants.” Rafe growled, pushing you into the closest room with a door he could find, which happened to be Ward’s office. You landed on the carpeted floor, wincing in pain when your elbow absorbed most of the fall.

“Rafe, I promise, I was just having a good conversation.” Your voice was beginning to waver, the weight of the situation that you had found yourself in was beginning to sink in. “He’s your coworker, is it so wrong that I talked to him?”

“Stop lying! I know what I saw! You would have to be an idiot to not realize that he’s trying to fuck you too.” You would have been worried that someone could hear your boyfriend berating you, had it not been for the music playing throughout the house, and the thick walls of Ward’s study.

You realized how sad it was that you only knew that because Rafe had now loudly hurled insults at you in every room in the house he could at this point.

The blond stalked towards you, grabbing you by the wrist and yanking you upright. “I mean, did you seriously think I wouldn’t notice? You think that little of me, Y/N?”

“Rafe no, I-”

You felt the air in your lungs disappear as your head snapped to the side, a sharp pain in your cheek blossoming across the now reddened skin.

“You don’t get to talk back to me right now!” Your boyfriend yelled in your face. You had barely processed his slap when you felt him moving you again, although now you felt much more numb.

Numb to Rafe roughly manhandling you before he bent you over his father’s desk, numb to the feeling of the cold, hard wood on your face as Rafe held you down, numb to the feeling of him pushing your fancy dress up and rudely yanking down your panties before harshly pushing two fingers inside you, and numb to the tears that were now spilling onto Ward’s desk.

“Such a fucking slut! You’re soaked,” he darkly chuckled, but there was no hint of humor in his voice. “Is this all for me, or is it for James?” He bitterly wondered aloud, and when you didn’t give him a response fast enough, you cried out at the feeling of him smacking your ass.

“F-for you, Rafe,” you choked out through your tears.

You could hear him removing his belt, the sound of it hitting the floor was enough to trigger your body to begin quaking with fear and anxiety.

“Aw baby,” he cooed, and you flinched when you felt his fingers in your hair, lightly brushing some of it out of your eyes so he could look at you. “Don’t act so scared. I promise I’m not going to hurt you. Well, at least, not until after the party’s over.”

His laughter made you feel sick, but even worse was the shock you felt when Rafe spread your pussy and sheathed himself inside of you without warning.

You saw stars for a few moments, the surprise catching you off guard and he was able to slide deeper into your tight walls.

“Rafe!” You gasped, unable to fight back, as your arms were pinned beneath you, and your boyfriend’s large chest prevented you from moving.

His fingers tangled into your hair, gripping a handful tightly as he pushed your face into the desk. His hips were snapping against your ass, fucking you harder whenever you futilely tried to break from his hold.

Every time you tried to escape mentally, to tear yourself from the reality of what your boyfriend was doing to you, he brought you back, snapping his fingers or groaning your name into your ear as he forced himself deeper into your wet cunt.

You were sure that your hips would be bruised from bumping into Ward’s desk as Rafe fucked you against your will. Another reminder of all the lessons he insisted that he had to teach you by force.

Every sharp thrust was a warning that this was him holding back. This was him being nice. And you knew better than to further aggravate Rafe when he was on a power trip.

And that was exactly what this was all about. The power and privilege that Rafe held over you, that he used to hurt you time and time again, without ever facing any real consequences. This was about reminding you that you belonged to him and at the end of the day, Rafe Cameron was untouchable and unstoppable, the Kook King, the golden boy of one of the richest families in the Outer Banks.

“You are my girlfriend, Y/N,” Rafe growled. “It’s time you started fucking acting like it.”

[midnight-bay-if]

Hey! I didn't have time before, so I've only now read the newest chapter, and damn... it was my first time meeting Umbra in the story (as I didn't take the path allowing that in the previous content), and I loved that scene so much! I never expected the "book reveal" at the end. It's interesting how despite me not realizing it before, Umbra seems to be the exact kind of character I usually like to romance in games. To be honest, if Taj wasn't so amazing, I could have been tempted to go for Umbra. Though to be fair, I love all the ROs (I'm a "one canon playthrough" player, so I normally don't go for more than one "route" in IF, hence me actually having to commit to a choice).

Also, Rain and S teasing Taj about their "crush" was so unexpected and funny to me.

That aside, I have two pretty random questions. - First one is, how much would Alek approve of each of the ROs? Either his opinion on each or just a ranking, I'm fine with both. Assuming Alek is like a second father to the MC when it comes to their relationship, if it changes things. - Second is a bit longer… What do the ROs think of a very nice and sweet MC who is an ultimate people-pleaser (as per that one choice at the beginning, about a flaw the MC has)? Like for example, my MC was dead tired but still went to the diner just cause Rue asked. And then he agreed to the "date" with Hunter (what could go wrong?…) just because he clearly can't help himself from caving when someone asks him basically anything, even if he doesn't want to do it. Which is obviously bad when it reaches such levels.

Hi! I’m glad you enjoyed that scene with Umbra. I tried to make it a good scene regardless of whether it was the first time you met Umbra or the second. With my indecisive mind being the way it is, my mind will probably change about another ten times before the end, but I will just keep rolling with it, haha. If it’s any consolation, you could always buddy up with Umbra instead.

I had great fun writing the scene with the team from their POV. It makes me excited to get them all in one room and let chaos commence.

As for your questions… well…

To be honest, Alek isn’t going to approve of any of the ROs for a long time. Alek really wants MC to lead a normal, with a reasonable level of excitement, life. All of the ROs are dangerous and lead dangerous lives. Alek would much prefer they all kept their distance. However, when things start happening, and the danger levels rise, Alek’s opinion may shift. Some shift quicker than others.

Overall, Alek will probably approve of S the most. For obvious reasons. They are human, for a start. They are also smart, and they can rely on S to navigate any given situation, putting you in the most advantageous position.

Next would be Rain. On the surface level, they seem to be well put together, kind, generous… all good traits. Probably not as strong as Alek would like (Rain is somewhat deceptive in this way. They look and act weaker than they), but Alek feels they could trust Rain to protect you emotionally, at least.

Taj and Umbra are pretty close. Alek’s first impression of Taj was less than favourable, and that is a difficult image to wipe away. He also witnessed Taj’s harshness towards you in particular, so his hackles are well and truly up. Umbra’s is a little more personal, and I can’t really say more without spoilers, but obviously, both Alek and Umbra have been around since MC’s childhood, so that should provide some clue.

N is last, and this should come as a surprise to nobody, lol. N is going to have to grovel at Alek’s feet to ever get him to approve of the relationship.

As for the second question…

S: They think it’s a trait deserving of nurture. They want you to keep your kindness since it’s much more valuable than people give credit for, whilst also giving you permission to find your assertiveness. There are people who would take advantage of such a trait if exposed, and S has no qualms about backing you up when this happens. If you can’t stand up for yourself, they at least want you to trust them enough to do it for you.

Rain: You might find that you have more in common with Rain than you think. Rain has a hard time saying “no” to anything. Their fear of conflict in others leads them to go to extreme lengths to maintain the peace and keep people happy. Maybe together, you could agree to be the other one's advocate if you can’t find it in yourself to be your own.

Taj: At first, Taj doesn’t trust it. They have this image in their head of what humans should be like, what they are always like. S has already tested the bounds of their preconceptions, but since S is just one person, it was easy enough to rule them an outlier. Once Taj realises this is real and you have gained their trust, they become fiercely protective. They will still rib you repeatedly, coaxing you to stand up for yourself. But when push comes to shove, they will be the first to stand in front of you if someone goes too far.

N: N doesn’t understand it at first. They think it is a weakness to exploit. If you can’t say “no”, you certainly won’t say “no” to them. But later, when they see how it affects you, the strain it places on you, they feel something close to regret. Eventually, they come to the conclusion that, actually, you might just be the strongest person they have ever met.

Umbra: There isn’t a single version of MC Umbra doesn’t love (whether platonic or romantic). However, an MC who struggles to navigate their own agency will find Umbra hovering a little closer. Words are difficult, but they are pretty good at looking ominous or menacing when required.

[redditreceipts]

Hi! ex radfem cis lesbian back. I saw you asked why I reconsidered my viewpoints, so I will answer:

Firstly, I do want to keep the context in mind that this is simply my experience and very well may just be a me thing.

I gravitated to being a radfem at around middleschool, because I was sexually harrassed by a boy. It gave me the "all men are evil" complex. But I slowly realized I only used my hatred as an excuse not to face my trauma. There are great men in my life, my father and brother are some of my biggest supporters. My brother even tried to beat up the guy who harrassed me lol. The hatred I felt for every male I saw (excluding my family), the fear I felt, made me intensely paranoid and unhappy. I also found it was just wrong. Like anybody, men are not a monolith. Somebody born into a male body is not instantly evil. I've actually been harrassed more (sexually and in general) by females in my life, so I realized the generalization didn't hold up.

Of course, it is obvious that males are more likely to commit violent crimes, even if my personal experience was opposite. But I try these days to see the best in everyone, as not assuming somebody's moral value based on their sex has helped me live a more happy life. When I say I find GC spaces a bit extreme, there are a myriad of blogs who constantly say all men are evil, all men should die...I think that sort of talk is unproductive. Like it or not, males will always exist in humanity. So we should be finding a solution to the social issues and dismantaling patriarchy instead of invoking ire in innocent people (People are more likely to listen if you are nice to them...I have seen many men get mad at the "all men are trash" thing because that would include them, even if they haven't done any wrong. Whether or not it's fair we have have to watch our words doesn't matter -- this is just the proven best way to get others to take your points seriously).

As for the trans stuff, I just don't really care these days. Using different pronouns doesn't affect me as it is just words, so I don't care. Much like men, I view all trans people as individuals and don't develope an opinion on them as people based on identity alone. I find operating in the world this way is just easiest, and helps me not develop a bias. (Also as a GNC lesbian I have been mocked for being "a trans woman" by what would be considered "transphobes" I suppose, because I look like a guy, so I feel how some TERFs try way too hard to point out "obviously trans people" just hurt GNC people. But I know that's not the majority of TERFs.)

That is just trans people however. The trans "movement" (quotes bc it's not technically a movement but you get what I mean, the social atmosphere etc), which is not a person but a common ideal, has a lot of issues. My biggest issue being that it's hard to have actual conversations about it without walking on eggshells. My best friend is trans actually, and 100% accepts her sex. After all, you have to be the opposite sex to be "trans" at all. So even if I was harrasses by a trans woman, I would not think of all trans woman that way, much like how I do not demonize all females because I was harrassed by a handful.

That said - The social class of "men" (not the person or sex, but the way we have normalized socialization and the like) has many issues, and I am 100% for tackling these issues. I think we as a society must be open to talking about things even if we disagree with them or it makes us uncomfortable. Now more than ever we nees loud feminist voices. You may be just a tumblr blog, but one blog can go a long way. Even if I don't 100% agree with every post you make or radfem ideals or whatever, I am very thankful to have people who are not afraid to hold discussions and discourse. I do think the hatred for radfems is unwarranted to the degree it has reached. I wish we could all have civil discussions. So in short: keep posting and keep talking, thank you.

Heyyy! I am first of all really sorry that my answer comes so late, it's because I didn't really have the time and/or energy to read all of the asks I got, so I didn't open yours - I hope that this is not all too late of an answer :)

I guess that you are making various points here. First of all, I understand how the hatred of men can be unproductive in some ways. I agree that for many women, they don't gain anything out of fantasizing about the death of all men or reading stuff about how men suck and are evil. However, I also think that this is useful for some women. I have to say that even though I don't hate all men, this type of rhetoric awoken me out of my non-feminist slumber, and I think that this can be a helpful outlet for many women. I mean if there were any real-world harms proven from this rhetoric, I would obviously be against it, but as for now, I just think that this rhetoric can be useful for some and not so useful for others.

Like my blog. Is it productive to make fun of weirdos on the internet? Some people will probably say that this just makes them angry and depressed, but other people will find something cathartic in those posts and find their own experiences represented for the first time. And for those who find it not to be helpful to read that stuff, I would expect them not to read it

Secondly, I'm glad that the trans stuff doesn't affect you, but I have to say that it affects me (and many others). I'm politically active and have gotten so many creepy comments and abusive behaviour from entitled males who believe that they are women. Where I am politically active, analysis of male socialisation is totally absent and most politically active women are not really safe. I have also been told that I can be non-binary if I don't identify with the gender stereotypes, and I identified with that.

But I guess those weren't really your points, your point was just that those are the reasons for you not to be as active anymore. And that's fine! I obviously hope that you still believe in female empowerment and women's liberation, and you seem to. I'd almost go so far to say that some of your beliefs are still those of a radfem, but maybe you have other stuff to focus on, and that's totally cool ofc!

Also, thank you for saying that about my blog and say hello to your friend from me hahah

[kurov1864]

Opinions on Milgram characters

I've actually been wanting to do this for some time now lmao. Btw this is just my interpretation of each character, followed by my opinion on said interpretation. Feel free to disagree, I love to discuss with other people. (also cross-posted on Reddit)

Haruka: Okay so what I think happened for him is that he very obviously has a developmental disorder of some sort. I'm not sure exactly what, and I don't really wanna speculate because I'm not an expert. So he, as a child, was neglected by his mom and didn't receive enough attention. This led him to become extremely attached to his childhood best friend, which didn't really affect anything when they were both children. But then, she grew up, yet he didn't. She started to act more maturely, and he didn't. They grew apart, and Haruka couldn't understand why. Or maybe he did, and blamed himself. Anyways. Yada yada, he tried getting attention from his mom by killing animals, he did get attention (the wrong kind), kinda went off and killed his ex bestie as well, either out of frustration or for literally more attention.

Now, my general opinion of him? Neutral. I don't love or hate him. Maybe a very mild dislike, but that's only because I find it kinda disturbing how he calls Muu his mom.

Yuno: Abortion. I like Yuno. Not because of the whole "omg girlboss slayyyy you have total control over your body yas queen" thing, because honestly yall have got to stop saying stuff like that. I like her because she wants to be recognized as a "mature adult" who can actually take responsibility for her actions, instead of being degraded into this poor innocent girl who knows what the shit is. She's so impartial to everyone, even herself, yet she knows and acknowledges the fact that she's still human who has emotions and empathy, which is why she sometimes tries to help out. Yet, she doesn't deny the fact that she seeks interesting and new things, leaving behind others when most would feel guilty. 10/10, relatable character.

Fuuta: HATE. He is so... thoughtless?? I absolutely hate people who gets so caught up in their cause that they literally cannot see anything else. They don't stop to think, "oh, maybe what I'm doing is wrong? Maybe there is a better way to go about this?". Now, to be fair, I don't know much about Fuuta. So please, feel free to disagree with me about him, but I cannot stand the way he didn't stop to think that maybe cancelling others would push them to suicide. That just shows his naivety. I acknowledge that his passion is admirable (passion for what I'm still thinking about), but passion without the knowledge to help is just being a stubborn idiot. His impulsiveness is also another very strong ick of mine.

Muu: I don't have much of an opinion on her character, but I do enjoy the concept that she represents. My personal theory is that she represents how somebody can be both a victim and a bully at the same time. She is at her very core, human, but without all those polite manners and social skills drilled into her. She turns pitiful and desperate when disadvantaged, but turns cocky, arrogant and confident when she has power. She is so, undeniably, human. And yet she can also be kind at times. She has such a f-ked up perception of everything, so maybe yall didn't catch it, but she's still trying to be nice in her own warped way.

Shidou: Eh. He's like, okay?? Not gonna comment on his crime because I don't feel anything towards it. But his attitude is sort of annoying. The way that he clings to his role as a doctor in prison after trying to forsake his life, the way he keeps trying to bring up age with Es (yes I know age is a valid point but bringing that up just makes it seem as if you're looking down on Es only because of their age. it's degrading), all that stuff just kinda gets on my nerves a bit. I appreciate what he's doing for the prison,,, but I don't really like him.

Mahiru: Love her. I love the way she tries to stand up for her ideals, no matter how much society + Es tells her it's wrong. She's been hurt so much yet she's still so optimistic, bright and hopeful about love. I love her. Granted, it may be because I also have fucked up views of love like her which is why I gave her such a high rating compared to like, Fuuta.

Kazui: Neutral. I would have wanted to scream at him about just,,, not telling lies, but I can acknowledge how hard it is for some people to not care about their image, especially if they grew up in a traditional household.

Amane: A bit positive and negative at the same time. I dunno, I just kinda like the way that she found a way to adapt to her horrible circumstances. Although that way is by weaponizing her religion to protect herself, but yeah. Unhealthy circumstances calls for unhealthy coping methods. What I dislike is how she doesn't even want to give other thoughts a try. Like she won't stop and think about other options, not even for a little bit. But then again, it's literally been drilled into her since childhood to not betray that religion, so I guess that makes my point invalid.

Mikoto: Why, why is he so popular?? What?? I'm so confused. Honestly I just think he's neutral. Just like, oh look, another victim of the toxic work environment who found a terrible way to cope. I don't have any feelings about John either, although I do admire his dedication to Mikoto. He's just so,,, uninteresting?? Someone please tell me why he is so popular, because I gen want to try to understand and see his appeal.

Kotoko: My wife. I'll try not to let bias get in the way of this one.

Okay I'm gonna be so fr rn I absolutely detested her at first. She's like Fuuta,,, but so much worse. She takes her ideals to the absolute extreme, pushes down all guilts and feelings about others to carry out her "justice". She's so unwilling to admit that she likes the feeling of beating bad guys up, the moral high ground it gives her. She's not only hurting other people, but also herself. Mf thinks she's in an edgy movie where she's the anti-hero who goes against the government and is constantly misunderstood, like girlie stop. Stop and THINK about what you are doing, see the death, destruction and harm you've brought about not just to others but also yourself?? Goddamn.

I'm not even sure why I like her LMFAO. All my opinions about her is just, she's human scum who needs lots of therapy to stop hurting herself and others.

Es: Love my non-binary guard. They care so much for the prisoners, trying their absolute best to understand them while coping with their body and mind being infiltrated by us. I always feel so guilty having them bear the burden of explaining the guilty decisions to the prisoners,,, just want em to be happy and work-free. I admire their dedication to truly, truly feel for the prisoners, try to understand the entire context instead of the one on the surface. Yeah, they act immaturely, they're a 15 year old who has no memories, no clue as to where they are, clinging onto their role as a warden even if it makes them look pathetic because that's the only thing they've ever known. It's their only sense of "identity" they have that gives them power and pride.

Jackalope: HATE HATE HATE HATE GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU IN TRIAL 2 END gOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BACK TO WHICHEVER MISERABLE BASEMENT YOU CRAWLED OUT FROM AND STAY IN THERE FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY. JACKALOPE IS A FATHER AND CARES FOR ES?? I CALL BS. HE DUMPED SO MUCH WORK ON ES, ACTS SHIFTY AND MANIPULATIVE ALL THE TIME, DOESN'T EXPLAIN ANYTHING TO ES, AND YOU EXPECT ME TO LIKE HIM?????

[nightsdreamgates]

NiGHTS Into Dreamgates — Ask Blog focused on NiD content * .

" Welcome dreamer, I am your main host and owner of this blog, Tyloon, but you can call me shortly as Ty. My purpose is to bring your dreams to truth, answering requests from my ask box, posting headcanons and unique characters from my still work in progress Alternative Universe called NiGHTS Into Dreamgates (NiDG); With more I can give, such as drawings, doodles to the most detailed and colourized ones. But for your dreams to be fulfilled, I require your attention to conduct this blog's Terms of Service, like rules of what you can and what not. Please take this seriously, if none of the details from it does not satisfy your desires, then I reccomend for you to leave and even block me. Nonetheless, make it fair for both of us, as well for fun. Let's start this with a small Introduction, you can skip it anytime you wish. "

Quick Intro. 🌙

• Host's Personal Info:

— Name & Alias: Tyloon, Ty and Tyla;

– Age: 19 years old;

— Gender & Pronouns: Cisgender . She/Her;

– Nationality: Brazillian;

— Hobbies: Digital Art, Writting and Singer;

– Favorite Characters: Reala, NiGHTS, Claris, Elliot, Wizeman and Puffy.

Terms of Service (ToS). 🎶

[1]. Theft V.S Inspiration:

• I do not consent by the idea or the action of having my ideas, requests and drawings taken — even if is a repost, with no credits — without my awareness.

• Rather choose having my posts kept in my blog, reblogs and notes are always welcomed, what I do not accept is people taking my artwork and writting as their property; If I find any residues of you using my work for their own benefits, you'll be instantly blocked and reported.

• About taking inspiration about my artworks and writtings, I am fine with it, and no need to ask for it, just by you crediting or mentioning me, already satisfies me.

[2]. NSFW & Illegal Content or Demeanor:

• The highest I will settle my content is 16+ only. There won't be hardcore smut written fanfiction or headcanons about explicit scenarios of each characters. For I create a 18+ only content, I might create a separated blog for it, making this blog more open for everyone.

• What's gonna be in the 16+ content will surround more graphic details that people around this age range and older can tolerate; Such as violence, angst, serious topics (with content warning obviously) and spicy scenarios with no explicit details into it.

• I want to keep my blog safe and comfortable for people around that age range (or even less), I will not accept sensitive topics such as: Non-Con, S_uicide, P_edophilia, C_aniballism and other heavy topics.

• Please be respectful and mindful about this, I will ignore any ask requests or even uncomfortable comments about the characters. This is supposed to be a safe haven for all users who wants to interact and make questions from this fun content. Anyone who tries to enforce this behaviour onto me will be blocked and reported.

[3]. Drama, Harassment & Awareness:

• I ain't no saint, as I myself ended up reblogging and ending up spreading some drama over my blog, but it was never for a stupid reason. Is not even drama from the context behind it, as my behaviour and intentions always surrounded in confronting the user.

• It will not be repeated, not even encouraged or accepted in my blog; Do not send hateful comments towards anyone from my personal space or trying to bring myself into trouble. This can include with people who wants to confront me for any reason.

• My goal is to focus in writting and sharing my fixation over this blog, anyone who want to condone this behaviour here, will be blocked and reported for their actions.

• Now what I will mainly do is tag some posts that is in or out of the topic or from this fandom to spread awareness; Either being about problematic users to posts to help people from their situations.

[4]. Opinions V.S Critics V.S Suggestions:

• I've never really cared about small opinions or share of different views; I'm a open minded person, even if I disagree I will still take little time to read and look into your perspective.

• My breaking point is when people reach to criticize me, invalidate my own views and opinions, also wanting to enforce their beliefs onto my headcanons and work. I appreaciate sharing ideas, but now wanting to assume what's right or wrong (especially if I made clear in my explanations) what I should do on my works, all because I identify a character differently from yours, is getting too far.

• A good example I can give, from NiGHTS fandom, is the gender debate about the characters, here's a note: NiGHTS and Reala are both genderless creatures, including the rest of the nightmarens and other dream creatures, despite that they are aware what gender is, they all are featured by "default", so viewers can have their own perspectives on the characters in game.

• I am open for suggestions and opinions that are REALLY necessary for my AU, writting and drawing improvement. Any "critical constructive opinions" about my work as a way to mock or enforce your headcanons onto mine, will be ignored. Please be respectful.

[5]. Racism, Xenophibia and Transphobia:

• This should be a common sense, don't be racist, xenophobic or transphobic in my asks OR posts. And if you want to become political, please at least be political to share awareness (re-read rule #3) about serious circumstances, not because I interpretate NiGHTS as a androgynous guy and Reala as a buff masculine leaned woman.

[6]. All my work is FICTIONAL and FANMADE:

• Obviously not going to write bad down horrid topics because I am against of it, I am putting this here to make it clear that my own interpretations, my own beliefs/headcanons put around characters and AU and everything I do with the characters are FAN-MADE and FICTIONAL.

• Do not associate my work, especially if I share content warning that relate to some realistic topics such as war or violence, with the real world or my own behaviour; All I do about it is to bring reflection, depth and a philosophy behind. If I do end up getting inspired by real events, I always make sure to not base it disrespectfully and making it unique yet meaningful.

• Also what I write about the characters, headcanons or those about my AU, majority of them are fanmade, not canonical, so please check and don't use my artistic interpretations as a wikipedia of informations about the character that are not identified or confirmed as canon.

[7]. Mutuals, Collaboration & Share:

• As a human being myself, I have my own life and group of friends; I am fine into making new friends, create mutuals or equals.

• Collabs, either art or writting, I am totally down to it! So if you're looking for someone to write with or draw, please ask me.

• I am fine if we share stories together or ideas, debating and talking about theories are always fun and I want to put this here to acknowledge that is fine if you want to talk about it on asks.

• Now my DMs are open to only those I follow, if you want to talk with me, please make sure to ask and wait patiently while I think about it.

ASK General Info. 🔮

[1]. Crossovers

• The fandoms I am open to do Crossovers with NiGHTS Into Dreams are BWW, Kirby or any popular midia that I am in; Besides that, if I don't know about the midia you're asking to do crossover with NiD/JoD then I will reject it and let you know about it.

[2]. NiGHTS Content ONLY

• Will not write headcanons for other fandoms singularly, at maximum, only do crossovers with NiGHTS Into Dreams; I'll not make exceptions.

[3]. Open Requests for OCS

• Writting and drawing requests are open for now, I can write content for your OCs, such as OC x Canon, quick ideas or headcanons for your OCS (from the information you share to me about your character) and I can draw them if you'd wish, but do not expect super detailed or a quick answer for these requests.

[4]. AU Content

• My most popular AU content from my blog is Swap!NiD AU and NiDG, a AU that explores the worldbuilding of Nightopia and Nightmera along with a deeper story and navigation within the knowledge about human's conscience, inconscience and dreams. I will write and draw contents of my AU along with my original characters.

[5]. NxR shipp & Others

• Okay, this one will be bit long and taken bit personally, but I will be clear; I don't care really if you do not see as siblings or as siblings, to me, in both contexts, NiGHTS and Reala will ever be rivals and twin-complex characters. The whole excuse that they are created to serve by a deity as powerful beings and not to be created as children to them, sound pretty vague to me as I view they see eachother as extreme opposite counterparts that always end up in a certain conflict or misunderstanding. Either way so, I will not attend requests for NiGHTS x Reala content, please respect this. This also includes any other shipp like Wizeman x NiGHTS or Reala, NiGHTS or Reala x Visitors, etc...

Extra / Others. 💜

[1]. NFT and AI content

• To make it very clear, I am against any AI content that involves stealing data and artistic styles and identity from other artists without consent; This includes users of NFT (which I am surprised they still exist) stealing other people art's to send as NFT merchandise. Do not take my art or use my content for AI test and generation for your own benefits.

[2]. Scam or Baits

• Using my content or posts to promote suspicious links or works, you'll be reported. Very simple. I will make sure to spread awareness to my viewers if anyone tries to scam me or others from Tumblr.

[3]. Don't be afraid

• Despite the rules and everything here, if scared you, don't worry, as long you just want to ask something silly or pretty safe, you'll fine to go! I made these rules and fixed everything so I can make my blog updated and more organized.

⭐`. * —

* . • ° . , ' Thank you for reading — For any questions or doubt please send me a ask °. * , `

[sugahyeon]

So

My takes on the current candidates and their opinions:

-Cellbit isn't a good candidate. He has really good ideas, strong leadership and is massively trusted. But i think we forget a bit fast that he got kidnapped not so long ago and lost all memories of said kidnapping. We don't know what they did to him. He could be brainwashed. He could get manipulated somehow. I trust q!Cellbit but i don't trust the Federation.

-Forever could be a good candidate but rely a bit much on the Federation? His ideas are great, like the lore museum and he is a major figure of the island (N.I.N.H.O for example). But thinking the Federation will help them is really forgetting what they did in the past imo. Ik he said he'd be against them but in what lengh? If he hopes to obtain their support, he'll have to behave after their rules (he also keeps interrupting other candidates to promote his ideas which makes it seems as if he doesn't listen at anyone imo (i still love him tho))

-Mike is great during debates! Only problem is that he doesn't speak that much, probably because of the language barrier, which is really sad, genuinely, because he has great ideas as well and is overall a good candidate. Outside of the debates tho, he did say multiples times that he wanted to be a dictator sooooo, i'm not so sure KNXKZNFZ

-Felps, sadly, didn't speak much during the first debate (which is fair since it was really chaotic). I don't really have an opinion since i don't know much about his projects so feel free to fill me in!

-Gegg is so based??? He's the only one who pointed out the necessity to start everything from the beginning and to leave behind the system the federation implanted. He also is very engaged towards community, trust, transparency and communication, in order to give everyone a voice and to honor each culture. Problem is, Gegg isn't good at surviving. Voting him might result in a dead end since he could die at any given moment. He also isn't loved by most people on the island and kinda distrusted (+the whole ''we are gegg'' thing kinda sounds like a dictatorship to me for some reason..?)

-Bbh is a great candidate, all for communication, rejection of the federation and constant protection of everyone. My only major problem with him is that i don't see him bringing much change to the island. As he said himself, he wants things to stay as they were prior to the elections, which seems counter productive. Otherwise, the council idea, as well as his desire to help everyone make him one of the best candidate imo.

-Etoiles didn't speak that much sadly, so other than his desire to install more security onto the island, idk much about his program. He could be a good candidate if he allowed himself to speak out more, since he has everyone's trust and has the best gear of the server.

-Baghera is one of the best candidate imo. The council idea is really good and she's really rejective of the federation as a whole. The main difference with Bbh is that she's wants change. She wants more communication, an actual way to allow everyone to realize their project, as a community while not relying on the Federation at all.

-El Quackity is the worst candidate (lore wise). He blew up a building, trying to kill eggs AND candidates, left the debate earlier today for some reasons? And is obviously linked in some way to the Federation. He proved himself to not be trustworthy as he lied to the other characters as well as his public. He wants to reinforce the rules of the Federation, to work with them and is willing to do ANYTHING if it helps the island (which sounds good until you know he gets to decide what is best for the island on HIS OWN)

-Foolish is overall really sus recently and tried multiples times to befriend Cucurucho. He wants to be a dictator of some kind and his main goal is to favorize his family (which is cute but still a dictatorship). He's a really funny candidate tho and some of his ideas are quite good! I think he could actually be a decent candidate if he tried to be one. But he doesn't really care about getting elected soooo-

For now, this is my analysis/opinions on the candidates! Of course i didn't cover everything and i might have misunderstood some points that were made today. Don't hesitate to rectify me or to tell me your opinions!

[EDIT] I thought cellbit's white hair was a stress reaction due to his kidnapping. This got corrected in comments/reblogs

[kraken-o-doyle]

My delulu brain gives you an assessment of the characters of Blades. Fair warning it's a lot 😂 Enjoy.

Nia, obviously her backstory is literally being snatched up and taught how to use her light from literal birth is controversial to say less. And after joining our party, she began seeing all the things wrong with what she was conditioned to believe - and dear god that would fuick up a person (depends on the matter). Even a year later Nia is struggling with the fact that she is still the shadow creature and I think losing MC made her stronger and less shy, but at the same time yours truly believes she cannot trust anyone - it was only revealed to MC that she is still struggling with the aftermath of Dreadlord dying and turns into this creature when she is in danger BY ACCIDENT OR SHEER DUMB LUCK.(PLOT DEMANDS IT) why is MC still covering for her?????

Imtura at first was literally denying the fact that MC was even alive and to be fair, she is the last person to be recruited into the team in book 1, but in my humble opinion it's evident that Imtura and MC(moi mc)relate more to one another than any other character. And her not making too many friends due to being a ✨princess✨is such BS but you know (I would be more than grateful to be in a princess' corner as a good friend) and as stated in book 1, we weren't told she was a princess because she's a captain of a ship and that way she could keep others' respect before they literally fall over themselves to please her. And when our little party didn't treat her any different before and after knowing who she was, she opened up...

Circling back to Imtura believing MC to be dead; if I was in her position and a friend that I saved the world with just 💨, I would too think they're gone since the other implications are that they are being tortured in a dungeon and bled dry by an empress' daughter. 😳

Mal, sigh, he is just wracked with guilt from losing MC, I kid you not I feel like he made some deals to try and find MC; only for someone like Tyril to find out and absolutely berate him (which is why Tyril in the newest chapter called him reckless). I'm sure there is gonna be more reckless behaviour that Mal had done through the year for both characters to use their first names. And got his stupid ass corrupted by shadow - whether or not he knows if he's infested and becoming a Thrall for the Ash Empire... we'll have to wait and see.

Tyril, from what we know so far tried from beginning to end to find MC (to be honest from what we were told Nia and Mal helped a lot until they stopped? why though - correct me if I am wrong.) even if you are romantically involved or just platonic friends, he literally sees you as an equal and is equally happy to see you back in the land of the living. Him grovelling and desperately trying to find answers on how to find MC shows what type of person he is, but I'm sure he is keeping some feelings or all of them back due to just being happy to have MC back in his life. (And doesn't want to burden MC with his problems)

Aerin better come back because whether or not I missed his jabs at the group and him only having eyes for MC(s phone, do you have some games). But genuinely what did he give the group (only heartache), because if you didn't catch him in book 1 he literally comes in one chapter - takes a stab at MC's celibacy - leaves the next. Where the hell did you crawl off to Aerin, did you go off to finish off someone?the king. Jesus, imagine. Or even worse he won't come back this book...

WILL WE GET KADE, LOOLA AND THREEP THIS BOOK BECAUSE ITS DIFFICULT WITHOUT THEM. I miss them a lot, also definitely not catching up with Kade like we should've; imagine if MC dies and the rest of the group (after saving the world and whatnot) comes back with her corpse with a note attached - sorry. 😐

I would scream if we have a therapy session with some certain characters - say certain someones we haven't seen in the WHOLE BOOK. Very disappointed in that department. Because from where I am sitting we NEED YEARS WORTH OF THERAPY.

[pyromaniac-cyndaquil]

'Nemona isn't an interesting rival/character, her only personality is battling' is a take I can understand pre area zero, but I don't get how anyone can reach the credits and still think that, tbh. My opinion of her SKYROCKETED during the final arc, I think she's tied for my favourite character now.

Spoilers for the endgame, but I'm gonna rant about why Nemona is amazing and far more than people give her credit for:

Nemona has a happy life. Her parents love her, she's from a successful and wealthy family, she's top of her classes and student council president and is pretty well liked - all things that very much work as narrative foils to Penny and Arven.

As such though, it means she's not got deep rooted trauma or fear or conflict to work through as much as the others - but not every character needs this kinda thing. Nemona still develops and has a fleshed out personality - it's just not thrown in your face quite as much as it is with Arven.

She's very obviously some form of neurodivergent to start with - battling is clearly her hyperfixation, and she desperately wants to share that with her friends. The thought of a good fight sends her blood boiling in a good way, and one isn't enough! She needs another battle - no - twenty!

(side note: ppl acting like she's weird/yandere/monika ddlc for always wanting to battle the mc is wild. During the team star battle she's just put out, and saying she's the only one they need to battle is bc she wanted a third battle right as they entered the city and mc needed a break, but now they're up and battling again. She's also not fixated on battling them specifically - just people in general. She's hyped for the idea of mc becoming a worthy rival, that's all!)

She's a very understanding and patient rival, which is kind of ironic with how quickly she rushes into things and doesn't always think things through. She wants to make sure she's getting into a fair fight, especially if she knows her opponent is less experienced. Once she realises she got overexcited and terastillised her pokemon before the protag had an orb of their own, she immediately rushes to the school to pull some strings so they'll be on even footing again next time.

She's absolutely AWESTRUCK by the idea of fighting giant monsters. She's living the dream in area zero. The thought of other people fighting giant monsters makes them the coolest people in the world to her and she sees it as an honour.

A lot of her tactlessness comes in at this point - hearing her friends talk about painful memories and sheer terror involving big scary pokemon just has her excitedly hoping she can meet and battle whatever pokemon it was. She seems to struggle a lot to piece together tone and body language to figure out what's appropriate to say, but it's very obviously not meant maliciously and may even be her roundabout way of trying to help... It's clearly not what the others want nor need to hear, but I definitely think there's more to it than just 'OOOOH COOL SCARY THING':

Nemona is FIERCELY protective. She knows she's strong and she isn't afraid of anything that's happening here. She knows if anything were to happen, she's got the confidence to take on anything and keep her friends safe.

Arven's having a crisis from a lot of extremely painful memories he has of area zero. Penny is feeling pretty jumpy at everything and desperately trying to figure out what the hell happened down here. The protag is worried for their friends AND they're torn up about not knowing what's wrong with Koraidon/Miraidon. Nemona is being strong for all of them. She can show them she's not scared and that she's ready for everything. Hell, she promised to protect them all so. Many times. If she treats this like a fun group outing, maybe it'll become one.

Any time bickering starts in area zero, she tries her best to get them all to calm down and get along again - misunderstandings happen! She's overly optimistic for the dragon 'family reunion' and doesn't even register that it's not a positive one because she wants to see the best in everyone. Sure, that's a trait that could get her into trouble, but she has her friends to drag her head out of the clouds. (Note that she still stood protectively over Koraidon/Miraidon the entire time the other one was approaching, though. Regardless of her words she was still picking up on the danger there.)

She sees how down everyone is once they get out of the crater and her immediate reaction is to coax them all into going home the long way and making it into an adventure. Mc and Penny are generally feeling down and Arven and Koraidon/Miraidon have been through. So much. She wants to get the group laughing and smiling together again, to remind them that they have reasons to smile again, and that they are loved.

Nemona may not have a big deep tragic backstory, but she's the heart of the group. She's their light.

[distort-opia]

I have always asked myself why do you ship batjokes? What is the appeal for you with this ship? You like bruce a lot, so why ship him with joker? I am just very, very curious.

Hi! From your question it seems like you associate having a favorite character solely with wanting them to be happy or wanting them to have nice things, which... yes, but also you have to keep in mind that half of Tumblr means this when they say they like a character:

Which I very much relate to, personally. Bruce Wayne is my favorite character of all time, but I specifically like to read/write about him going through the Horrors.

Shipping Bruce with Joker... well. Perhaps you're familiar with Hannibal NBC, and Hannigram? Death Note, and Lawlight? Or more recently, Interview with the Vampire and Loustat? I could list some more enemies-to-lovers, but it's the same principle. Two bastards who deserve each other and should not inflict themselves on anyone else, hand in unlovable hand.

Still, I appreciate that you're asking me this in good faith, so I'll try to explain in more detail. I got long, so I'll put my answer under the cut. Just a heads-up: there's mention of abuse, depression and some discussion of suicidality (stuff that tends to come up with more in-depth talk of Batjokes in comics), so take care.

While the ships I mentioned also have a portion of fandom going "But A is the good guy! Why would he care about B, who kills people and only seems to make them suffer?", that portion is larger when it comes to Batjokes. Bruce Wayne is Batman-- he's supposed to be a hero, the father figure of a large family, a symbol of hope. And there's a lot to be said about a more idealized or fanon version of Bruce, and the gap between it and the one depicted in comics. But I'm mentioning this gap because it tends to be connected with an unwilligness to deal with, or even acknowledge, Bruce's dark side.

Bruce struggles with violent tendencies, with an unbelievable amount of anger, with control issues, with paranoia and self-hatred and issues with intimacy. He's terrifyingly intelligent and also incredibly manipulative when he wants to be. He's canonically been abusive to his adopted children and he's canonically been shown to have quite the sadistic streak. And while I understand why some fans see this as bad writing (to be fair, sometimes it just is), reinterpret parts of it or pretend it doesn't exist... it is there, and it is a pattern. Many of these darker aspects of Bruce's personality are a result of how he's processed his trauma-- refusing to heal is literally the fuel for being Batman. But refusing to face his grief has consequences, and some of them inevitably end up ricocheting off his loved ones; though I am saying this as an explanation, not an excuse.

The way he's been written seems to have spawned two larger attitudes in Tumblr fandom, varying in degree and nuance: either refusing to deal with Bruce's dark side, or only seeing his dark side and hating his character entirely. And obviously, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and preference, as long as they respect others'. But to me personally, it's never been black-and-white. One of the best parts about Bruce's character is the very conflict at the heart of him... because despite everything I mentioned, Bruce always tries to do better. He's also empathetic and compassionate; he hungers for love and for connection, and he constantly tries to help people and do good. In my eyes, that's what Batman is about: never giving up. You fail, but you get back up and you try again. You might be struggling with so many things threatening to drag you under, but you make the effort to do good. To me that's deeply inspirational, specifically because it's not second nature to Bruce.

If you prefer a version of Bruce that doesn't have much of a dark side, Batjokes is likely not something you'll enjoy. Bruce caring about Joker is very much connected to it. He deeply relates to Joker because their identities are both born out of their traumas. They could have become the other, and that's a level of closeness and intertwining that cannot be understated. In the face of their loved ones being taken away, Bruce and whoever Joker used to be made choices in the opposite direction. Bruce chose to force meaning onto the world and be defined by his past. He chose to channel his anger into ensuring no one else goes through what he went through. Joker had the same anger, but he chose to erase his own past and burn the world down instead. He chose to ensure everyone else goes through the same horror he went through, to prove nothing has meaning.

And this is, at the end of the day, the reason why Batman never lets Joker die, even when it doesn't make sense. Joker's existence makes Bruce feel less alone-- and yes, it is very selfish of him to choose this over the lives of others and despite what Joker has done, but it is what it is. I've seen people discredit this notion of Joker being Batman's friend as stupid, because Bruce already has so many allies and such an extensive Family; how could he feel alone? He already has so many relationships, people he cares about and who care about him. But... that's never how it works, is it? You don't choose to feel the way you feel. Bruce loves the people around him, and those relationships ground him in very meaningful ways, but that doesn't make the darkness disappear. He wishes it did. But his choice to be Batman is a choice to keep hurting, like I just described. It sets him apart. And the line it puts him on, the things he's balancing, are things Joker intimately understands. Joker is his shadow and his creation, his negative. Bruce's anger and his sadistic violence get channeled in his relationship with Joker, and the worse Joker gets the better Batman has to become, and viceversa. I see it a bit like magic (and Bruce does too, when he talks about how he's afraid that if Joker disappeared, Gotham would send him someone worse). You cannot perform magic without it exacting a price, and the price for Bruce's good is Joker's evil. Lives are saved, but then lives are taken away.

What I am describing here is the appeal of the ship to me. In many ways, romantic is not nearly enough to describe it; I'm just fascinated by their dynamic, any form it takes. Batman and Joker have been opposites and narrative foils for almost a century, and I'll probably never run out of stuff to analyze (yay!). There's so many stories with them, so many different incarnations of them, so many layers and complications that their dynamic has accumulated, simply by virtue of how old and mythical they have become.

The more accurate description for them is probably soulmates, but the most painful kind-- destined to always meet but to always be at war, never able to kill the other or let the other go, because they are two sides of the same coin. And there's an attraction to not being able to let go, no matter how high the bodies pile up. Bruce can't kill Joker without losing himself, and he can't let Joker die. Joker can't kill Batman or let him die without losing his life's meaning. No matter what, the other is always there. They hate and resent this connection plenty, but at the end of the day, the other's existence is an essential comfort they can't run away from.

And thing is, Bruce sacrifices so much for his crusade as Batman. He sacrifices his very childhood and self, his potential happiness; he distances himself from his loved ones and he pushes them away. He represses as much as he is able to so he can go on, so he can save as many people as possible, so he can rewrite the trauma that broke him. But he chases Joker. He obsesses over Joker like over no one else. He chooses to keep Joker alive, even when it hurts his Family and even when it leads to more and more death.

Joker is a connection he selfishly chooses, and doesn't run away from, especially because it hurts. Both Bruce and Joker are self-hating and suicidal, so they allow themselves this one thing precisely because it's destroying them both. Yet, no matter what, part of Bruce sees in Joker someone who suffers, someone who understands, and he keeps trying to reach out to him because of it. It's not just the worst parts of Bruce that resonate with Joker. It's also his hope. Somewhere deep down he can't let go of the idea that maybe, Joker could be better, and if Joker could be better, maybe he could be better too.

...I guess I ship them because I want Bruce to get what he wants. Whether it's dying alongside Joker in a cave, or them helping each other heal, in spite of everything (both of these are plots for stories Scott Snyder has written, hah). Because the thing about Batjokes is that they're perhaps the only people on Earth who could get the other to stop. The easiest way is the way they've already chosen-- by being the one to kill the other. They both see death as the ultimate form of peace, a laying down of arms. But there's also the reverse; the possibility of a world in which neither of them has to die. A world in which they're not each other's preferred method of suicide, but in which they actually learn to live again, helped by the other.

I tend to oscillate between the two. I like Batjokes as an unmitigated tragedy with a course that cannot be diverted, and I like Batjokes as the most unlikely path to a form of peace. Both can provide catharsis in different ways. On a symbolic level, Joker is fighting for meaninglessness and Batman is fighting for meaning; Joker asks, "What is the point?" and Batman answers, "The fight is the point." On an individual level, they're both depressed and suffering from PTSD and always a hairbreadth away from self-destruction, but they keep each other alive, no matter how much it hurts. You can probably imagine how this ship can be a comfort, for people with similar struggles.

I do hope this satisfied your curiosity, Anon. Batjokes might still not be your cup of tea and that's okay, but as someone who likes to read about other ships and the psychology behind them, I hope this was at least a fun read. You seem like you're familiar with my blog already, but just in case you want to seek out canonical instances of what I am describing, I can point you to this compilation of Bruce's side of things that mentions part of what I say here, but also delves into comics. And my Batjokes meta tag is full of similar stuff, some detailing Joker's side too.

[meg2md]

I don't know that I like third year. It's an adjustment. I'm sure it will be fine, eventually. But it's hard, and it's a different vibe, and it's struggling to find my place.

Looking at the interns, I do see how far I've come. I was in their shoes, once: struggling to find a cervix, falling behind with inductions/mag notes/strip notes/postpartum calls, scared of decelerations, unsure how to piece the clinical picture of labor together. I'm efficient with things I know how to do. Keep me to ante/gyne and I'm ON TOP of blood pressures, blood sugars, consults, antepartum calls etc. I feel pretty good about up-titrating blood pressure medications, deducing superimposed preeclampsia from chronic hypertension exacerbations, managing PPROM +/- PTL. I've read a lot. I think my signouts are decent.

But now as a third year, the antepartum "chief", I am really, really struggling. Now I have to delegate. I need to figure out what things I do, what things I have the second year do. When my actual R4 L&D chief is off the floor, I'm then in charge of everything (including training the day 3 intern). What's REALLY hard is the power dynamics. I'm in charge of the antepartum service, but my R4 is still in charge of me. And then on top of that, different R4s have different opinions, and then I get caught in the middle!!! A patient came into triage today, ruptured with twins, concern for preterm labor. I was told to let the R2 see her. I did, then sent the R2 home. Then the night team told me I should have seen her instead. And the R2 should be doing XYZ. And my signout wasn't well-prepared enough about her (even though I thought it was decent). Which to the first point, like, fair. I tried to have my R2 doing the XYZ. But I was also told to have her see the triage patient. So then it's like I'm in charge, but actually I'm in "charge", and the different people who are ACTUALLY in charge have different ideas about how to do things, but then it's either I take the blame or throw someone else under the bus.

And obviously, there are learning points. I can always know more about the patients. I think I did a fine job, especially since I've been on MFM/antepartum for TWO MONTHS STRAIGHT, but I do need to know the patients I don't admit a little better. And when my R4 can't come to signout, I really should know the floor better. These are things that will come with time, I'm sure. I am three days into my first time being a senior. I'm learning not only how to cover an ENTIRE service, but also how to manage an intern who needs to learn, well, literally everything. And can't do anything by herself yet. (Like I said, it's fine, we were all there at some point.)

But it's really, really hard to be told to do your job different ways from different people, and then you have to take responsibility for it anyway, and also you're supposed to be in charge of a service but you're not really.

And also, I have tomorrow off, but there's still hot as fuck drying equipment all over my apartment, and it's ninety degrees in here, and I can't play PC games without tripping the breaker. So I guess I'll just sit alone in the heat and be miserable.

Oh well. I ranted to like. Three of my friends. And here. I'll feel better eventually. Residency is really hard, and in really unexpected ways.

[fleetwood-cheese]

Persona thief outfit breakdown: pt 2

This is a continuation of my previous post and series regarding my opinions on the phantom thieves' metaverse costumes, prompted by a poll by @waywardsalt. I will like all of these together as they're finished.

Akechi - Makoto - Sumire - Futaba - Yusuke - Akechi 2

Next up is Ann, because she was in the lead on the original poll (but not my personal pick).

Firstly, I want to come out and say that her design isn't actually all that bad; in fact, from purely a design perspective, it's one of the more solid thief outfits, and its a nice callback to the idea of cat burglars and batman's Catwoman without being a copy-paste of the idea. It's the costume's treatment and relation to her character that make it so egregious and so hated (fair enough).

With this in mind, one of the first things to change about this design is its relationship to the character. Obviously, Ann is sexually harassed, and her standing up and saying that no, she doesn't deserve that and neither did Shiho is her inciting incident to awakening a persona and becoming a phantom thief. The game tries to play her character arc as her reclaiming her sexuality, but not much of this is actually seen in how she interacts with her costume. By introducing the costume as something she's comfortable in, starting off nervous but becoming accustom to quickly, having her compare it to the anime villainesses she says she's inspired by the her confidant, and having her express this confidence in her interactions with the other thieves would go a long way for the reception of this outfit overall.

On the actual design of the costume, the most obvious things I'd change are the tail and the zippers, particularly the zipper sliders. For the tail, I HATE the way it falls perfectly between her butt cheeks, its just so uncomfortable and tasteless. I think by having it wrap around her as a belt that turns into a tail, although I'm not 100% certain how you would execute this, would be significantly better. While I do appreciate the way the zippers break up the monotony of the red suit and create a sort of visual lengthening, the way the slider and pull tabs rest directly on her nipples is incredibly tacky; i would either remove/minimize them entirely (definitely change them to a different shape instead of that awful ring) and/or change the boob window to more of a keyhole neckline. Keyholes, like the one pictured below, still allow for the color break up in the chest (and the stylish/sexy look), but raise the line so its less stopping directly in the middle of her boobs and thus directly above her nipples and instead covering more surface area of the breast.

If you wanted more of major change, I would add a jacket to her design. I'm thinking a cropped jacket in a darker red to match her boots, but a similar material to her bodysuit to keep that texture and shine; I adore the way the fabric catches and plays with the light in the in cutscenes (the in-game model ones, not the anime ones). You could also have some fun with patterns on it, perhaps of roses or some sort of feline motif. The only downside to this would be that you would have to change her gloves to accommodate it, presumably either making them wrist length or disappearing under the sleeves, and I love the long gloves as an homage to Carmen's operatic origins (although they're too short to be true opera gloves). If a jacket is incorporated, you could change the catsuit to more of a halter top-esque neckline, as it would cover her and you'd never actually have to see the open back.

Other than this, I really don't have a lot more to say about her outfit; again, I think it's a pretty solid design with a poor introduction that's been incorporated into a character that the writing does dirty in a way it helps emphasize when it could encourage her arc. Overall, I placed Panther's phantom thief outfit as 7th place out of 10 and a rough 5/10 overall.

[doctor-badadvice]

You know, I often make fun of Bishop, as one does. I call him a man of strong fashion opinions, a nerd and a wretched little gremlin. It’s all part of the process and it’s necessary when you end up liking an idiot of his caliber.

I’ve talked about his personality before. Yes, it’s very black and white (and red) under many aspects. I made a whole post about how that affects his outfits throughout the show.

Though when it comes to relationships, it isn't all so straightforward. Bishop has obviously invested all his charisma points in intimidation. This definitely helps him work as a villain, but his short temper and ingrained need to feel in control of the situation often get in the way of his objective.

Having to deal with people isn’t easy for him. Almost impossible, even. He can spit some raw lines but it also took some real effort to stop himself from strangling the president, which may not be the best course of action, you know?

The only situations in which we see him succeed to some extent are whatever concerns his organization since there is standardization. Times change and so do people. Keeping up with new costumes over the decades is time consuming but military practices? Those rarely change.

Bishop is obviously a good leader. His men execute his orders without questioning and with the highest professionalism, despite the occasional threat of being subjected to unspeakable experiments in case of failure. He also historically enjoyed the respect of at least one president, where again he just has to act like a good agent to get what he wants. Yes, the fake invasion counts in this regard since it proved to the president just what a good investment EPF was.

He even keeps Baxter in line for the most part since they have a very clear deal they both surprisingly stick to (though Baxter has a major hand in this since he knows what’s the amount of snark he can afford on the workplace).

Anything else is a disaster. Romance would be a tragedy from the very first moment. Friendship? We know how that went. Becoming a good person?

Yes, about that.

Bishop’s presidential outfit is extremely accurate. He’s not the man he once was. He has changed his methods and he sees aliens as people he can negotiate with and manipulate when fit. His work has fundamentally changed, as in he at least tries to create something which not only Earth will benefit from.

But he also has a whole room dedicated to spying on everyone through satellites and he personally leads the rescue mission at the Moonbase. The agent never really left, he just comes out whenever Earth is directly threatened.

Do I think that Bishop is still evil in FF then? Not quite.

Having done my fair share of writing for this nerd, I'd say it's somewhere in the middle. Specifically it's a mix of an opportunistic person seeing the chance for a different approach and most importantly, accepting that's actually possible, and a character who was born in part as a critique to real life events that were happening at the time of the show.

At the time of FF, the bigger picture kind of guy has started down a path of good but he still only relatively cares about other people. The public is obviously up there on the list since he has a public image to curate now. Aliens are more or less people. Turtles and random rich teenagers can pick fights with evil (very stupid) shapeshifting aliens if they can make themselves useful. Baxter deserves a second chance despite the little dissection prank he tried to pull.

Still, I can't say it's all Bishop's fault because when you think about it, his two most formative life experiences were both very traumatic events. The alien abducting him right after he got wounded on the battlefield set him off on a path of paranoia and blind revenge. The lab experiment that almost killed both him and Baxter and a symbolic act of kindness diverted him on a more open-minded path, even if the paranoia is still very much there.

Add that Bishop spent like 65% of his life under the military and it's no wonder even when he's genuinely making an effort, he still comes off as manipulative.

Head of State specifically deserves a whole analysis of its own that I might just do at some point because it's a fun episode. But in brief, I think Bishop, in his heavily skewed perception, genuinely considers Baxter as an old friend. He feels remorse for leaving him to die and he actually wants to make up for it.

But again, agent and president are still the same person, even if they may be one clone away from each other. Bishop both resents Baxter for chasing him and the dissection thing (you bet that brought a lot of trauma back. I wouldn't be surprised if people were left wondering what could have possibly prompted the president to take a short period of rest for the first time since ever), and cherishes that the scientist is still alive.

He's just not the best at showing it. But what can you do. Even the most peaceful person will be a bit messed up after living for so long. Bishop has been through really traumatic stuff and definitely wasn't encouraged to be anything but an efficient sadistic bastard for a good while. Even when relearning how to behave around people, he couldn't exactly explain what he has been through so at best, Bishop had to sit on his own and design new procedures like “smile, bring a gift, write a nice speech about friendship and respect”, or “introduce a problem and make it so the one in front of you will suggest the solution you want while thinking they came up with it to ensure they will care”. Or even, “traumatized people need reassurance and physical comfort. I guess I'll have to pet the talking brain and offer him a job”.

If anything, 2105 might be a bit too early. Bishop is still consolidating the PGA, there's no way to get him to work on himself some more.

Perhaps, in a better timeline, FF would have received a second season with a real seasonal arc all about redemption. There's a certain other set of clones who could have benefited from it as well.

[befuddled-calico-whump]

Aw poor sahota he doesn’t want to be touched

He obviously wouldn’t want to be hugged, but what about small(er) touches? Like a pat on the back or something? How would it differ if it was from, say, Vic vs from someone on the team?

I know this is unrealistic and doesn’t fit the story line, but I’m interested to see deeper into his character.

He’s dedicated to his work, clearly, and has had a fair amount of physical trauma/pain, and seems like a very solitary kind of person. Has he ever felt touch starved, or is he always against physical contact? How would he handle it if he does feel touch starved? There doesn’t seem to be many things he can/would be willing to do, so that feeling would just build up more and more

Also what about connections in general? I’m sure he would never reach that level with people on the team, but what about Vic? With sahota, everything seems to be completely about work, and I don’t think we’ve yet seen any positive emotions from him. He’s always serious or pissed off or in pain, I guess we saw a little fracture from that during hunter’s first chapter but the emotions were far from positive. With everything he’s been through, all that pain, does he just deal with it alone? Does he even deal with it at all? Or does he just kind of ignore it and let it build up?

What would happen if he just let it keep building and building, until eventually he broke? Sahota doesn’t seem like the type of character to ever break, but everyone has to have some sort of limit when it comes to this. I can also envision him as having that kind of thing “trained” out of him, but what would it take to do that? Poor guy

He’s my favorite, I just love the stoic / work oriented spy kinda whumpees. I love seeing how much they can take, especially compared to a Whumpee who can’t handle the same amount, and I especially like seeing what happens after the breaking point

I’m so sorry for the long ask, you don’t have to answer any of this or post it, I just love to speculate about this kinda stuff

yesss Sahota ask

Sahota is indeed very stoic and solitary, but he wasn't always this way. Training and his own lifestyle encouraged/forced him to become who he is. It makes him better (in his opinion), and it makes it easier to make hard choices in the name of completing a mission.

Vic is the only person he lets himself be even a little vulnerable around, and it's been that way for years. Even around Vic, he tries to repress a lot. Definitely not healthy, but it's been working for him so far!

Though he seems unbreakable now, Sahota has been broken in the past, and has had such weakness trained out of him :)

I'm glad you like him! He's definitely a fun character and I enjoy hurting writing him :D

[kimarisgundam]

After a 2+ week long break from cyberpunk Red... my Netrunner somehow ended up in NCPD custody after just our first session 😐

To be fair, our DM did warn us... but I guess my party was too caught up in the thrill of doing something "big" 😅... I tried to persuade my friend/her Rockerboy to stop messing with Militech, but he didn't listen >_>

NCPD has 0 justification for arresting Rockerboy and his NPC bandmate cos my cover-up was flawless. Militech bribed NCPD 😐. They randomly arrested him and are trying to force a confession out of him 😐

I'm in such a bad position 🥲.Not humble bragging, but my Role level is the highest in the party now. In game, my Netrunner is considered a prodigy cos of 2 feats I pulled

Some powerful people are after her. They want me to work for them exclusively but I kept declining. It's gotten so bad that my Netrunner is using a disguise cos she doesn't feel safe

It's not that I couldn't fight back. It's just that I wasn't 100% sure I could win cos there's a high level Militech netrunner with NCPD. If I lose, I'll be outing how skilled I actually am...

My Netrunner is currently being isolated. She's in a relatively nice hotel room and was offered food

(They think I'm the daughter of a rich corpo lady from Japan cos of my spoofed ID. So they're careful around me in case I'm related to Arasaka

I'm not getting interrogated like Rockerboy... But the netrunner already thinks I'm sus cos of my unusually high grade ICE... I'm worried he'll finally break through and realise who I am 🥲)

My friend literally meta gamed at the table and told me not to do anything cos she's worried they'll find out I'm Mako 🥲

As her Rockerboy, he doesn't want to put my Netrunner in danger. But I think he accidentally made the situation worse cos frantically telling NCPD she has nothing to do with him is so sus???

I'm so nervous for the next session now cos Militech is out for blood. Like yeah, Rockerboy has been arrested and detained by NCPD many times...

But his popularity (he streams to the Net cos he refuses to "sign his soul to a corp" 🙄) is what keeps them from doing anything too drastic or flatlining him in Night City. They don't want the bad PR and possible fan riot

But now, they are trying to label him as an extremist (in my Netrunner's opinion, he is an extremist...) to justify handing him over to NUSA for trial

I'm pretty sure they'll just kill him and lie that he's sent NUSA

They basically want to tell his fans that he's a threat to public safety to turn public opinion against him

As a player, I know what's going on cos I can see my friends RPing 😅. But as my Netrunner, I know nothing... I'm isolated and heavily guarded... it's driving my Netrunner nuts cos she hates not being in control of the situation 🥲

Plus I'm so vulnerable now???

I'm stuck in a room with Militech. What if they crack my ICE and find out I'm the affair child of Arasaka's current head of R&D???

Like omg. I know I defected and disowned dad... but I obviously still care about my bio family 😭. I don't want to be the reason dad gets killed 😭

[donnerpartyofone]

ok not to make big assumptions about you because we are strangers but i genuinely think your brain works a lot like mine, but i am the exact opposite of you i did terribly at school because i hated authority and mindless memorizing - hear me out - and got by on my intuitive understanding of stuff. But in the same way that you do i cannot understand anything that someone else tries to explain to me for the love of god i am the most unteachable person on earth. People have tried SO HARD teachers and tutors and everything but if i do not understand something myself there is not one person one earth smart enough to get me to do that. Im also really academically successful & ive gotten prizes for my creative essays, but i think the difference is that i hated *hated* authority so bad that the anger drove me to reject "mindless memorizing" as something even worth doing at all ever & only ever followed my curiosity & interests in things (the sense of excitement you described). It takes time but ultimately the degree of understanding obtained is much deeper & more satisfying than the kind generally demonstrated by people who understand what is explained to them in school settings. Im assuming a lot here & keep in mind that im just some rando but i would like to suggest that you try just following your inner curiosity & stop deffering to other people when it comes to how to understand something. Do not look for teachers, just information that you find exciting, & see the people who "get it" not as teachers who are superior to you but as your equals who just happen to have been doing it for longer. People you can talk to & who just have information you can glean. Most of all abandon conscious efforts to do school stuff. Resist impulses to be a good student & learn facts by heart or whatever. You'll remember things if they're important. Do what feels good and excites that inner curiosity you feel and don't think about grades or results or people's opinions but just the joy of understanding for your own pleasure. You can and will understand math and quantum physics if it feels good to do so, I promise you.

i really appreciate you and i have so many different reactions to this, i want to try them out. one thing that i believe really deeply is that teachers and similar authorities are very reliant on the idea that there is a correlation between following the rules, and maturity and intelligence, when the very opposite is obviously true. the reality is that kids who try things out for themselves, who determine for themselves through experience whether a rule is fair or rational or productive, and who are not afraid to be judged by others in the course of their experimentation--those kids are certainly demonstrating a lot of maturity and intelligence. i mean yes of course there are kids who don't do the work or follow the rules for less admirable reasons, but the idea that obedience and conformity are symptoms of a well-developed mind is just an oppressive myth that is especially convenient for people who work with children. and like of course i judge myself for not having those rebellious qualities like ever, but it's complicated, i was suicidally depressed as a small child and very afraid of being in trouble or disappointing people, and i honestly think that one of the reasons i got so good at memorizing things and generally operating by rote is that it turned out to be an excellent survival mechanism for navigating the world of adults.

i also believe in the direct correlation between pleasure and aptitude. i mean i'm sure there are exceptions, like you might get really great at a job you hate if your very survival depends on keeping the job or performing it safely, but in general i think you get good at what you enjoy, and that cultivating whatever forms of joy you experience can ultimately enhance your powers. but i don't believe that it necessarily WILL. i certainly know people who are bad at and/or not smart about things they love, they just don't let their shortcomings stop them from doing whatever the thing is (and therefore they lead richer lives even if they're not accomplishing anything in the traditional sense). i think i'm more in that category. all the stories i told happened to be about school probably because i'm hung up on JUDGMENT or not being competitively good at anything, but the unspoken reality is that i'm a pretty self-directed person. i tend to approach things that i care about hobbyistically, in order to pursue whatever thrill got me interested in the first place, and SOMEtimes this leads to some cool outcomes, though not always. there's a lot of different kinds of things that i love, conceptually, and i go through all the steps of learning about them, practicing them, researching them, getting advice from other people, or even having somebody else do the thing with me when all else fails, but i just cannot seem to develop any competence these things. i think i've had all the opportunity in the world to grow in different areas, but i'm just a very limited, low potential person.

anyway i hope this doesn't come off like i'm trying to convince You Personally of something, you've already been completely fair about how you're just speculating and speaking from what rationally seems like similar experiences. i do appreciate what you're trying to say here and i know that there is truth to it in general. i'm just now using this message as a prompt to work out some of the other things i think about this general topic. the one thing i guess i have going for me, although it's a double-edged sword, is that i don't quit at things. part of this is for a not-good reason, i came up in this environment where the law was that if you are perceived as "negative" or defeatist or something, then you're basically a bad person and you're not worth dealing with and any misfortune that happens to you is your own fault. and then it's like, if you fail or just don't excel at something, then THAT is a symptom of the aforementioned Bad Person problems. like in that world, if you don't succeed, it necessarily means that you didn't even try, which is a fake idea and the subject of one of my favorite social media posts of all time. but anyway, even with this bad motivation for soldiering on, i do sometimes enjoy the benefits of persistence, one of which is just the sustaining belief that maybe something good will happen later on. even though i think i've had enough negative experiences trying to do something with myself that it would be rational of me to just stop trying, the stubborn inner belief that "anything is possible" keeps me getting out of bed every morning. even if i'm not getting anywhere, at least that makes me a less burdensome person.