#time to put it away again
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You know, I often make fun of Bishop, as one does. I call him a man of strong fashion opinions, a nerd and a wretched little gremlin. It’s all part of the process and it’s necessary when you end up liking an idiot of his caliber.
I’ve talked about his personality before. Yes, it’s very black and white (and red) under many aspects. I made a whole post about how that affects his outfits throughout the show.
Though when it comes to relationships, it isn't all so straightforward. Bishop has obviously invested all his charisma points in intimidation. This definitely helps him work as a villain, but his short temper and ingrained need to feel in control of the situation often get in the way of his objective.
Having to deal with people isn’t easy for him. Almost impossible, even. He can spit some raw lines but it also took some real effort to stop himself from strangling the president, which may not be the best course of action, you know?
The only situations in which we see him succeed to some extent are whatever concerns his organization since there is standardization. Times change and so do people. Keeping up with new costumes over the decades is time consuming but military practices? Those rarely change.
Bishop is obviously a good leader. His men execute his orders without questioning and with the highest professionalism, despite the occasional threat of being subjected to unspeakable experiments in case of failure. He also historically enjoyed the respect of at least one president, where again he just has to act like a good agent to get what he wants. Yes, the fake invasion counts in this regard since it proved to the president just what a good investment EPF was.
He even keeps Baxter in line for the most part since they have a very clear deal they both surprisingly stick to (though Baxter has a major hand in this since he knows what’s the amount of snark he can afford on the workplace).
Anything else is a disaster. Romance would be a tragedy from the very first moment. Friendship? We know how that went. Becoming a good person?
Yes, about that.
Bishop’s presidential outfit is extremely accurate. He’s not the man he once was. He has changed his methods and he sees aliens as people he can negotiate with and manipulate when fit. His work has fundamentally changed, as in he at least tries to create something which not only Earth will benefit from.
But he also has a whole room dedicated to spying on everyone through satellites and he personally leads the rescue mission at the Moonbase. The agent never really left, he just comes out whenever Earth is directly threatened.
Do I think that Bishop is still evil in FF then? Not quite.
Having done my fair share of writing for this nerd, I'd say it's somewhere in the middle. Specifically it's a mix of an opportunistic person seeing the chance for a different approach and most importantly, accepting that's actually possible, and a character who was born in part as a critique to real life events that were happening at the time of the show.
At the time of FF, the bigger picture kind of guy has started down a path of good but he still only relatively cares about other people. The public is obviously up there on the list since he has a public image to curate now. Aliens are more or less people. Turtles and random rich teenagers can pick fights with evil (very stupid) shapeshifting aliens if they can make themselves useful. Baxter deserves a second chance despite the little dissection prank he tried to pull.
Still, I can't say it's all Bishop's fault because when you think about it, his two most formative life experiences were both very traumatic events. The alien abducting him right after he got wounded on the battlefield set him off on a path of paranoia and blind revenge. The lab experiment that almost killed both him and Baxter and a symbolic act of kindness diverted him on a more open-minded path, even if the paranoia is still very much there.
Add that Bishop spent like 65% of his life under the military and it's no wonder even when he's genuinely making an effort, he still comes off as manipulative.
Head of State specifically deserves a whole analysis of its own that I might just do at some point because it's a fun episode. But in brief, I think Bishop, in his heavily skewed perception, genuinely considers Baxter as an old friend. He feels remorse for leaving him to die and he actually wants to make up for it.
But again, agent and president are still the same person, even if they may be one clone away from each other. Bishop both resents Baxter for chasing him and the dissection thing (you bet that brought a lot of trauma back. I wouldn't be surprised if people were left wondering what could have possibly prompted the president to take a short period of rest for the first time since ever), and cherishes that the scientist is still alive.
He's just not the best at showing it. But what can you do. Even the most peaceful person will be a bit messed up after living for so long. Bishop has been through really traumatic stuff and definitely wasn't encouraged to be anything but an efficient sadistic bastard for a good while. Even when relearning how to behave around people, he couldn't exactly explain what he has been through so at best, Bishop had to sit on his own and design new procedures like “smile, bring a gift, write a nice speech about friendship and respect”, or “introduce a problem and make it so the one in front of you will suggest the solution you want while thinking they came up with it to ensure they will care”. Or even, “traumatized people need reassurance and physical comfort. I guess I'll have to pet the talking brain and offer him a job”.
If anything, 2105 might be a bit too early. Bishop is still consolidating the PGA, there's no way to get him to work on himself some more.
Perhaps, in a better timeline, FF would have received a second season with a real seasonal arc all about redemption. There's a certain other set of clones who could have benefited from it as well.
#I didn't include Finn in this because the version of the events I go for seems different from the general opinion#too headcanon-ish I guess#the relationship with Baxter could also get a post of its own#the evolution of Stockman (derogatory) if you will#and how Bishop manages to be a better employer than Shredder despite never delivering on his promises#agent bishop#I cracked open my tiny FF ideas treasure chest for this#time to put it away again
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Birds of a Feather previous / next
#my art#feralnette au#birds of a feather#long tags#sorry I went apeshit in the tags#LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW#I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO#its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical#and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread#as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational#in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away#and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do#shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again#legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it#but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings#alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird#she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her#knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself#between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot#and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo#essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that#busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way#to show her she's self sabotaging#cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD
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Me making sure my sweetie pie Arthur has a bath because he deserves it 💕🎀🌸
Arthur: This is the cleanest some parts of me been in weeks! 🤠
Me:
#arthur morgan#red dead redemption 2#rdr2#like bro#its not my fault all the baths are 8971264 miles away?#literally never put me on blast like that ever again#every time i bathe him its some bullshit from him#arthur morgan x reader#van der linde gang#dutch van der linde#john marston#jack marston#charles smith
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oh hey! i was reading a fic the other day where Wangji was once misspelled as Wangu. which leads me to: MDZS Pingu-style??? noot noot!
Do you think love can bloom on the sea ice?
#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#digital art#Club penguin#ask#I've drawn a lot of strange crossovers for MDZS but this one really takes it up a notch#I saw this ask and thought “yeah why not. I've been meaning to do style studies. Let's experiment.”#And the moment my pen hit my tablet I was struck by the need to make it even worse.#Perhaps I am just nostalgic for club penguin and pengu but I think there is something magical about them holding hands.#Anyways I think younger WWX would have loved club penguin. It's the joy of the minigames and hanging out with your friends online.#Lan Wangji could never get past the fact the 'Ask your parent/guardian!' part of registration.#Either because he knew Lan Qiren would have said no *or* because he asked once and got turned down.#Lan Xichen probably was like 'Hey I can help you with that :)' to which LWJ said no because that was breaking the rules.#But if I *had* to put wangxian in a club penguin AU? Yeah 1000% it's LWJ as a mod and WWX as a notorious (nootorious) griefer.#WWX would be trying to speed run how fast he can get banned or how much he can get away with.#Getting removed and returning over and over earns him the 'necromancer of CP' title in the community. Loathed by many.#Meanwhile LWJ is about to seriously consider doxxing this guy just to get him to stop making his volunteer hobby less of a nightmare.#Cue 10 years later. They meet up on the ice flow on the last day before the servers get shut down. They have a genuine heart to heart.#Three years later on Club Penguin rewritten: two grown men decide to relive their childhood one more time.#Fate draws them to the same server.#I ask again. Do you think love can bloom on the digital sea ice?
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Kaeya, despite being a sickly and gentle child, was his own kind of nightmare for Crepus and the other Dawn Winery staff.
See, Diluc is prone to mischief and chaos, dragging along his younger brother and a couple of other children into his plots and messes.
But Kaeya? Kaeya is the type to end up in the most random, and I do mean most random, of places. He would vanish for several hours, only to be found in an unexpected location such as, oh let's say that one time, he was found eating fruit with some friendly hilichurls...IN LIYUE.
He was such a curious soul that would easily get distracted by the wonders of Teyvat, but since he is so silent in both words and movements, whoever is watching over him would lose sight of him just as quickly.
He has caused several search parties in his youth, only for people to find out he was following a seelie to a treasure chest or napping with a young wolf cub in Wolvendom.
Crepus swears that Kaeya and Diluc are competing on who can give him gray hairs the fastest (so far, Diluc is winning, but Kaeya sure is catching up with every scream of panic from a designated babysitter and Diluc)
#crepus and his chaos children#may bartobas bless his soul or something#look if klee can nuke azhdaha for her birthday i think kaeya should be allowed to eat with hilichurls in liyue#nah this is also why diluc followed kaeya and the traveler into a domain one time#*kaeya vanishes again*#*jean sighs in exasperation and nostalgia*#*diluc panicking inwardly again*#one time for funsies i thing he should be found on top of dragonspine after following several warm seelies lmao#crepus: “so...where did you find my boy again?” varka: “...you won't believe me...” crepus: “try me” varka: “...on a ship to Fontaine...”#pls im having fun with this idea yall gotta know how funny this is to me#kaeya#kaeya alberich#crepus ragnvindr#dawn winery#kaeya headcanons#yeah so remember he stowed away to a cargo that was headed for sumeru? crepus was stressed but he was probably used to it lmao#crepus: “ is it morally questionable to put a bell on him?”#bonus hc: kaeya being the knight to ask when needing a search party coz he knows the common places children would get to lmao
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dandelion casually dropping traumatic information while insisting that instead of killing the problem wizard they simply burn his tongue
#dungeons and dragons#dnd#dnd character#dnd oc#dnd art#dandelion treehollow#warlock#drow#all he does is talk... and talk... and talk#they did not actually burn the wizard's tongue it's cool#instead dande used his disguise magic to look like a sexy vampire and promised the vampire larper wizard the dark gift if he behaved#love when dande gets to put on a show because he says wild shit like i hate when people beg for their lives it makes me want to act out#dande had a wild episode#start of the episode: gets to pretend to be a sexy domineering vampire#end of episode: screaming and sobbing in pain after the curse-bomb in his head went off because he broke one of the curse-rules#where he can't sneak away from the party because the last time he did that be betrayed them big time#it's complicated... and delicious#also right before that the paladin was telling him he needs to find god LOL because he's worried about dande's soul#and dande blew him off saying he has plenty of time he's not gonna die (again)#only to then be convinced he's being killed by the curse in his head......#embarrassing.................
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Favourite pre-timeskip Sanji moments
These are a few of my favourite pre ts sanji moments
(1) Baratie arc when sanji served fresh food for don krieg despite everyone telling him that krieg was notorious for betraying people. Sanji still served the food because of his value of "feeding the hungry no matter what"
(2) Sweet sanji preparing bentos for Luffy vivi and a special drink for Vivi's duck karoo so they can go explore the little garden island. Also packing and tying the lunches for the kids (luffy and karoo) by himself
(3) water 7 Sanji following his principle of "never waste food" while fighting CP7's ramen guy wanze (who had a full ramen armour and sanji cut his armour up and served the ramens all in different plates around the kitchen)
(4) thriller bark Sanji holding an unconscious nami up so she won't get injured while he takes all the hits from Absalom He's not just a simp, he genuinely cares for nami
(5) water 7 Sanji smoking a cigarette while spying and finding out sensitive government information
(6) Post enies lobby filler sanji crying throwing up stressing over finding out the right spices of a fried rice. He is a true chef at heart and has so much love for his craft
(7) post skypiea filler G-8 arc sanji when someone says he is better than all of the navy chefs and sanji cutely offers to give his recipes to them. He is so cute kind and humble
(8) sabaody sanji kicking the Celestial dragon knowing what'll happen and not giving a fuck anyway
(9) skypiea sanji being all big smiles and happy while showing conis the bento he has arranged for her and telling them how arranging food is an art (look at the little winged angel he put there as a representation for conis who has wings)
(10) Sanji leaving a message for nami in water 7, even in the dire situation they were in (usopp left, robin was abducted, they were all accused of murder) sanji being his usual cute loser self
#honestly scratch this. every sanji moment is my favorite moment#these are the moments that arent as big or as talked about as ie. thriller bark or enies lobby sanji#it's about time we all come together to acknowledge and appreciate how charming perfect beautiful sanji is#i love sanji so much and it was hard choosing just 10. I'll soon start making favourite sanji moments thread for individual arcs#anyway lol#black leg sanji#one piece sanji#vinsmoke sanji#kuroashi no sanji#sanji#one piece#im currently watching Dressrosa and can yall tell i miss sanji so much#i miss him so much that i put everything on hold to finish Dressrosa and zou quickly so i can finally see him again#everyone: honey hes an anime character he's just one click away#me : *soft thump of my forehad against the window sill* when will my husband be back from the war#sanji moments
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prompt #46 "Sirius is showing Regulus’ baby pictures to James and Reg is MORTIFIED" for the @marauderswithpalestineproject !! 🍉
thank you @kat-m-toast for the donation (and the prompt, which was just SO up my alley, i loved it) and also thanks to everyone else who donated and participted! 💕
and as a bonus a little closer look at those baby pictures :)
#MWPProject 2024 Fandom Initiative#MWPProject2024#extra shoutout to my sister for letting me use some of our shared baby pictures as reference here#Sirius black#regulus black#regulus black fanart#sirius black fanart#marauders#marauders era#marauders fanart#james potter#james potter fanart#black brothers#jegulus#hp#mine#my art#i tried really hard to put remus into a Situation in one of the photos in the back again but it just didnt fit this time :((#breaking my streak of long remus in confined photo spaces in fanart#i spent SO long on this because i got a little too carried away with all the details oops#james has the same little heart thing hanging in his flat in one of my other drawings btw i thought it was cute#(ignore the fact that wrote draw instead of paint i couldnt change it anymore since it looked weird when i did)#(also dont think too hard about who might have taken and lovingly labelled all of those baby pictures of regulus and sirius)
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You've never done that when I got close to you before. Why? None of your business. Tell me, or you can't leave.
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 10
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#uservid#userspring#userrain#pdribs#userspicy#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#every time i color this scene i get stronger. anyway there were so many expressions i just couldnt leave out. the deep breath ai di takes#steeling himself before admitting it. & the way chen yi absorbs it the way he blinks away & his mouth opens before focusing on ai di again#thinking about it. thinking about four years of attacks ai di had to withstand. understanding the way he is now but hating how its happened#and also the guilt hes gotta feel from that! & yet thats overcome in this moment by a need to not let ai di put a wall between them#which is what ai di keeps trying to do. he admits a vulnerable thing and then deflects FOUR TIMES in this scene. first when sleeping#& choking chen yi when woken(& avoiding when questioned abt it). second by dropping his guard & worrying when he finds chen yi injured#& twice more shown in this set. he has to shake it off he has to put his wall back up but his instincts are strongest & chen yi SEES them.#you can see the way ai di wants to relax into that hug. the way he just wants to BREATHE but instead uses those breaths to defend himself#he chooses to flirt hoping it'll make chen yi back off. hoping he'll stop asking him to be vulnerable. but chen yi knows his tricks now.#and hes not going to let ai di continue believing he doesnt CARE about him. its poetic the way he gives him a taste of his own medicine#like it's *strategic*. he watches and learns. he knows his own influence over ai di he knows that HE is ai di's weakness. it's..chef's kiss
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the poor little meow meow-ifictation of saionji in this fandom has got to stop i can't take it any more
#he is an interesting character yes and i like him but some of you act like he is eternally and exclusively a victim which is not true#yes he is a victim of akio and of the narrative (like every other character. he is not perticularly special in this regard)#no he is not a victim of the patriarchy (he in fact benefits from it directly at the cost of the girls around him)#no he is not a victim of wakaba (??not sure where this even came from) no he is not a victim of anthy (watch the first episode again maybe)#some of you are at all times 2 steps away from becoming the next misandry in the utena fandom person#“erm the way he is punished by the narrative for failing to live up to the masculine ideal of the prince-#-is basically just as bad as the systemic abuse he participates in putting girls through“#good lord i do not want to hear your takes on any real world feminist issues#m#bad takes#(should probably remember to use that tag. even though this isn't really about anything super specific)#and it's not about any of my mutuals to be clear. you all know how to actually be critical of how much he sucks#AND write good nuanced analysis. shockingly you can do both. actually i don't think one is possible without the other
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realizing i have. a lot of untapped trauma potential for clone^2 danny because i just Fully Processed Four Months Late the fact that his parents were capturing and torturing ghosts in the basement before he became Phantom. and the fact that he was on house rest for 2 weeks. during that time period. and he wasn't really leaving the house. he could hear their screaming through the floorboards
*points at clone danny* i can give you suuuuuuch a bad time babe ahaha. i've got two untouched years before you meet damian what fucks you up before then
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#clone^2#danny fenton is a clone#like i dont even need to traumatize you worse the pure explorative options from this aLONE is enough to feed me for a week.#like. tucks hair behind ear let me shatter you into glass pieces then glue you back together babe. i can put you back together so good.#i'm missing a few shards because some parts of you broke into such small pieces i couldn't pick them back up again so you'll be missing a#few chunks of yourself that you'll never get back but that's okay. you'll still be a resemblance of your old self :]#don't let anakin (me) listen to late night sad songs he makes angst.#hhh imagine being stuck in a house for two weeks where you can hear your parents torturing ghosts in the basement and not only that but#you're the only person who can undERSTAND the ghosts. how many times did he see his parents drag in a ghost with whatever capturing device#they made recently? iirc the thermos was like. brand new in episode one right? but gOD the trauma this alone would cause#nobody touch me im cooking rn i need to think about how this would impact danny. like obvs it would fuel into a developing obsession to#keep his parents away from ghosts and to help the dead but what *else.* i need to refine my becoming phantom ficlet i wrote back in winter#raaa#and like even after two weeks they were *still capturing ghosts* danny just wasn't in the house 24/7 at the time.#*but those two fucking weeks man*#i need to sleep on this first before i make any major moves bc i know im tired but i am having thOUGHTs
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wanted to try my hand at a fake screenshot thing with a scene from one of the bttf fics of all time, Time Is a Flat Circle by @fourth-dimensional-thinker! i set in to draw only the "little canary" line but. as you can tell. my hand slipped and fell down a 6 story building
if you haven't read it already please check it out PLEASEEE it's very good. i read the whole thing in basically one sitting. the vibes are perfect for the spooky season too!
versions without the filter/subtitles under the cut:
#bttf#back to the future#bttf fanart#marty mcfly#doc brown#emmett brown#dear fic author i hope this is not too terribly off from what you pictured in your head#and that you like it :D#listen guys when i say my hand slipped it slipped BIG TIME. like this was not even supposed to be shaded that just happened#as well as the 6 other frames but i digress#i fought tooth and nail for these colors it was crazy out there. still not exactly the ones i pictured in my head unfortunately but it stil#looks baller so i'm pretty happy :D#the Ys on his hand in the fic is on his palms but since they were facing away from the “camera” i put them on the back of his hands also#bc i just really wanted to draw them hahaha#the hardest bit to draw out of all of these was surprisingly doc's nose LMAO. i guarantee you it is not even the right shape. oh well!#second hardest was moving marty's arm in the second frame ever so slightly. layer hell i tell you#this isn't even the only drawing idea i had for this fic i have like two more#but best to get to some other fic scene ideas before coming back to this one!#the fake screenshot thing is really fun i'm going to do it again#super time consuming. but really fun#kit does an art#kit read a fic and is making it your problem#tumblr took the quality and shot it out back i'm so sad
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they won’t let tpol be on season 3 of strange new worlds because they know footage of old tpol would allow me to finish my tripol silver springs fancam
#again this blog is now my diary#this is my twitter account now#sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#just gonna make posts until i am asked to leave the function#star trek#not art#star trek enterprise#tripol#tpol#trip tucker#just kidding they will never put tpol on strange new worlds because they hate women#and also me specifically#anyway time cast a spell of tpol#but she won’t forget him#she knows he could have loved her but she would not let him#hell follow her down till the sound of his voice will haunt her#she will never get away from the sound of the trip who loved her#etc etc
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Happy Birthday to Ferdinand von Aegir!
I actually made 33 emotes, affectionately known as Aegirglyphics to some, for my own personal use on discord. However, I figure why not share some of them! They're free to use for discord servers/icons/pfps or whatever. However, my only request is Do NOT use them as subscriber emotes on Twitch. You can make them free follower emotes but you are not to make them locked behind a paywall.
#fe three houses#ferdinand von aegir#discord emotes#i thought long and hard about this bc idk the actual want for emotes i made ages ago but#i still love my son and its his bday ad so i should be nice and share#since i no longer have nitro and can no longer use them myself#the fact i can technically post 30 at once was tempting but#some of them arent living up to my standards and also just might not be easy to use in most contexts#so those im gonna skip on lol#whoever wants 21 aegirglyphics tho have at em#i think i might have posted some before? but only 10 and i dont recall which ones#if you want a secret the last three and the middle on the second row are my favorites to use#i used concernednand (the upper one) so much#the internet concerns me guys it was a valid use every time#debated sharing heartnand but honestly the world could benefit from it imo because gotta spread that love#fun lil trivia i love making emotes and so when i was in a server and people knew me as the ferdinand fan and artist#someone was like why hasnt salmon made a ferdinand emote yet#and im like bc i dont run the server and i cant just demand they add my art#and then a mod was like i didnt wanna put pressure on salmon but i thought about it so i was like bet#and then drew a server exclusive happy ferdinand emote#and that was the start of me somehow being able to have like.... ten emotes in that server#some of them were just me joking and then mods encouraging me#cause i used to use felix for every single art prompt theyd give and one week someone said the prompt was pog#and i just was so upset because dude why would i wanna draw felix for that hes not pog#so a mod was like hey if you make a pog felix emote we ill add it to the emotes here#so i once again was like bet and then posted it and then they really added it lmao#anyway sorry for so many rambles please feel free to use them on discord in whatever server#i cant really expect everyone to credit me but also im not really concerned since i fear people know my nands a mile away
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Having the Pool Dream again, handsome?
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#mdzs au#MDZS disco elysium au#[Pain Threshold - Formidable 13]: Endure it.#I am once again putting my brain ramblings on display to give me a bit more time to finish the comic this is based off of#I promise this will make sense in context. Maybe.#Disco AU gives me the opportunity to explore the idea of 'what if wwx and lwj were even *more* neurotic and haunted?'#LWJ absolutely would have repetitive nightmares about wwx with the themes of inevitability and helplessness.#Sometimes its him dying as wwx stands by. Sometimes it is him - unable to move as wwx slowly fades away.#Haunted by the past....Lost to the pale tides of mourning. Welcoming the pain just to feel the memory nearby.#See you all tomorrow for the Real Comic (manifesting it by saying it over and over again)#side note: I think wwx would be a great lifeguard. He would love heckling teens and helping out kids and old folks.#Goofy but takes the health and safety aspect of his job very seriously.#There's gotta be an AU for that out there....right?
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Making sense of love for love's sake: the game
Despite all the things i absolutely adore about how the plot unravels and expands in love by love's sake, upon first watch, there's some things i couldn't piece together, which @lurkingshan echoes in their post:
'The way the author was messing with Myungha and forcing cruel choices on him really does not track with a desire to help him find happiness.'
And to preface, this is not something i fully get yet either. I think i'll need a good month and a sizeable reading list of relevant resources to understand just what/who this author/sunbae is and what his role is and how he is associated with myungha. But as always with the best shows for meta (aka bad buddy), as a plot unfolds, you can always find a better understanding by looking backwards and re-contextualising what you've already seen. so i watched ep 1, specifically the scene between myungha and his sunbae at the bar. And i will talk about how everything said in this scene has a whole new meaning now we know the full story, but for now i wanna focus on that question that they keep coming back to; "Then... will you change it for him?".
When you watch the show for the first time, your brain follows the simplest, most obvious version of the story you're being told, one where myungha has been pulled into the world of his sunbae's novel that's being turned into a game and given the opportunity to fix the thing he didn't like about it; making yeowoon happy, and thus you just think the rules of the game are imposed by the author, and so when these cruel choices first come up, you see them as the difficult roadblocks that are nevertheless necessary to any kind of game, forcing the player to make an impossible choice so that the game can continue in a certain direction and its only after that you learn whether it was the right choice or not, or there is no right choice, it simply changes the game you are playing.
And when its revealed what this game actually is, at first i tried to interpret these cruel choices, namely the choice between yeonwoon and myungha's grandma, and at best i could come up with the concept of this being a choice between staying stuck to the past aka choosing his grandma, even though he knows that choice doesn't mean she's safe bc he knows the future where he loses here, its an inevitability, but thats the small happiness he knew before it was taken away and thus that happiness is known and safe, theres no risk, versus choosing to pursue a new happiness, a love of yeowoon and thus himself, which he doesn't know, he hasn't experienced yet, and could be risky. Its a happiness that isn't guaranteed like his grandma, but its a happiness that looks to the future and has hope in it that he can find a new happiness to pursue despite what has happened in his past.
And that fits nice, okayish. But then i watched ep 1 and heard that question "Then... will you change it for him?" And watching through the rest of the eps, we come back to this scene at the bar and each time we get a new run up to the author asking this question, either new dialogue is added or we hear a different piece of the conversation entirely. It starts at the beginning of ep 1 as:
"Because Cha Yeowoon is the only one who's miserable." "It can't be helped that some people's lives are like that" "The fact that some people are destined to live that kind of life is what's vile."
Then a bit later in ep 1 we go back and its expanded.
"It can't be helped that some people's lives are like that" "The fact that some people are destined to live that kind of life is what's vile." "Why? Do you think you'd write it differently?" "Yes, definately. Someone like Cha Yeowoon, or someone like me with an awful life, can also be happy."
And then all the way on in ep 6, we get this new dialogue.
"I don't like talking about destiny." "Why?" "Because it means everything is predestined." "Then do you not believe in fate?" "Fate and destiny are the same. My grandma likes to say that. She said life is like a written book, and how you'll live and die are written in it. (...)I don't like things like this. Even if fate is already destined, I think it can still be changed. Otherwise, there's no point in trying." "Really? Then Myungha..."
And while we don't hear the author ask the same question, I feel like him getting cut off like that insinuates that the conversation leads to that same ending point. All that is to say, every time we hear this question being asked, its like we learn more and more about what this whole thing is, what the game is, what myungha is saying he will do by agreeing to do what the author asks. And every time, we see myungha being more defiant against the idea of yeowoon being resigned to his miserable ending. He starts off thinking that kind of life is destined, and while it's miserable, its not something he can fight. Then he says he'd want to write the story differently, bc yeowoon, or even him, could be happy. He challenges the idea that yeowoon, and thus himself, is fated to be miserable, and opens up the possibility for happiness for them both, but doesn't yet have the means or resolve to do it, its like he knows its possible on a fundamental level, but doesn't see it as something he can actually achieve. But then we circle back to the idea of destiny and books, both of which came up in the previous quote, and seems incredibly pertinent seen as this whole thing is about a novel this author has written. Myungha talks about how he hates the idea that life is a book where everything written is predestined to happen, from the moment you live to the moment you die. He says "Even if fate is already destined, I think it can still be changed. Otherwise, there's no point in trying." That vile way of life he described before that he said was destined, he is now saying it can be changed, and that possibility is now something he's holding onto, its what he sees hope in so that he can keep trying, bc now he finally is trying, he has the resolve, he's trying to realise this thing, this impossibility of rewriting the life he thought was destined through the way he loves yeowoon.
And coming back to those cruel choices, given this fresh context, it made me think. bc this isn't actually a game that myungha has been put into where the rules are dictated by an author completely separate from him. He said himself, he'd rewrite it, he'd change things for yeowoon. And when you start to think of it less as him fighting against a rigid, removed system and more like him being a character in a story he is trying to rewrite himself, that has both the author and his own limitations, or just his own if you're in the school of thought that the author is some figment or part of myungha himself or his conciousness, then you can start to see where these cruel choices might come from. They could be myungha, the author making edits to this new story, imposing his own doubts and limitations on himself. When he says he has to pick between Yeowoon and his grandma, what if that's the new author myungha seeing this story unfold and thinking no this isn't right, he can't have it all, i'm not deserving of this much happiness.
And what makes me like this idea even more is that when we get that second choice between ending after 14 days or getting 100 days back at the cost of resetting Yeowoon's affection to 0, that whole conversation happens in what I think the bar actually is which is this frozen moment in time where myungha is in the water with this extension of a voice in his head that is talking through these things. That conversation in itself needs its own post, but when you look at it both as a decision to break up or not or a decision to hold onto life or not, you can see how the author is just this soundboard relaying the decisions myungha is going through in his head. The author's voice is his own, weighing up his decisions. And if he is the author here, it only reinforces that the person making the rules of this game is him. You can even extend it further to the idea of the debuffs, where he puts in place this thing that makes it so he causes harm to yeowoon when he's around, and its only by garnering affection that he can prevent it. He gives himself a reason from the get go to stay away from yeowoon and reason it as him doing it for yeowoon's safety, when in fact the only way to make yeowoon safe is to increase his affection, which he can only do by being near him. Its a system that at first gives myungha a reason to stay away aka not like himself, but ultimately says the only way you're going to make yeowoon like you, or the only way you can like yourself, is if you accept risk. And that in itself screams to me of a myungha writing in these game systems that are trying to encourage his own-self love while falling at the hurdle of his own lack of self-worth.
The idea is still messy in my head even for me, but i just really like the idea that myungha could be trying to fix this thing both as a character and game master, and that both these versions of him have these flaws that manifest in their different ways to cause the events we see. It kinda is the definition of being your own worst enemy, the idea that in order to work towards loving yourself, the biggest obstacle you have to encounter is yourself, bc we are the ones holding ourselves back, making all these rules that make it harder to like ourselves and pursue our own happiness. The voices in our head telling us that we aren't good enough and aren't deserving are our own, and while the things that happen to us can inform what they say, we're the one's reinforcing those words. And what this show teaches us is that, if we're the one holding that pen all along, we can choose to change what those words are. If we make the rules, you don't have to create a game with concrete ultimatums, you can create a game where rules don't control you. Instead, you make the decisions, and you can make the ones that make you happy.
#wow look at me writing actual kinda thought out meta#also something something about how the pen being in his pocket wasnt a pen given to him by the author its a pen that was his the whole time#look even if this isnt the right interpretation as intended by the author i just kinda adore this headcanon ive come up with and i cant wai#to rewatch the show again through this lens and see if it holds up#i just adore the idea of this whole thing being this manifestation of a flawed doubtful person trying to navigate through their own messy#nonsensical thoughts to find their own happiness#bc yes thats what triggered me thinking of this whole thing. me seeing that post and thinking yeah that doesnt make sense7#but then again when you tell yourself things an put your own mental blocks in the way they dont make sense either but you still have to fin#the ways to work around them in order to find happiness#like those things dont go away we just find the loopholes or the ways to overcome them that mean we can be happy#the game is your own mind - deal with your own existential crisis as you wish#anyway this is only part 1 in what i hope will be a very extensive meta analysis of this show - stay tuned#love for love's sake
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