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Somatic resources for healing trauma and PTSD
I decided to bring together a range of links and online resources in one place to make it easier for people to find their own path to healing. I’ve noticed that certain personality types, especially Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) seem to be more susceptible to trauma. I hope that these tools will help you get started on your healing journey.
Where to start:
EFT Tapping* - Learn it for free here: What is tapping and how can I start using it?
Butterfly hug exercise: The Butterfly Hug (EMDR Self-Help)
5 Step holding exercise: 5 Step Holding Exercise for Regulation of PTSD symptoms
Somatic experiencing exercises: Two Simple Techniques that can Help Trauma Patients Feel Safe with Peter Levine
Voo Technique: Reduce Stress - 2 Minute Voo Technique by Katie Brauer
Felt Sense Exercise: Peter Levine's Felt Sense Exercise at The Art of Healing Trauma
For more in-depth online help:
The Healing Trauma Online Video Course by Peter Levine (Sounds True)
Roland Bal: Resolving Trauma and PTSD
Organic Intelligence
Books:
Reclaiming Your Body by Suzanne Scurlock
Healing Trauma: A Pioneering Program for Restoring the Wisdom of the Body by Peter Levine (book and CD)
Complex PTSD: A Guide from Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker
The Tapping Solution: A Revolutionary System for Stress-Free Living by Nick Ortner
* Please note that it’s best to use EFT for emotions and thoughts in the present moment, or any memories that come up spontaneously. Intentionally going back to traumatic memories and using EFT on them can be too triggering for many people (putting them into a hyper-aroused state, and possibly leading to dissociation), and if you have PTSD/C-PTSD is not advisable without the guidance of a trauma-informed therapist. This can also trigger symptoms for people with chronic health conditions.
#trauma#traumahealing#somatictherapy#somatic#somatichealing#bodybased#ptsd#cptsd#complexptsd#eft tapping#tapping#trauma resources#trauma tools#healing techniques
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Steddie Amnesia Ficlet: 2/3
-> Part 1 | Part 3 | AO3
cw: more head trauma/concussed!Steve discussions.
Steve hears Eddie call after him, but he doesn’t stop—he can’t face it. Not right now, anyway. Not when his eyes are stinging and his heart is pounding in his ears, each pulse more painful than the last. His legs take him to the building he’s supposed to go into, fueled purely by muscle memory. Not brain memory, of course, because nothing up there works properly anymore, apparently.
The Brain Injury Recovery Center.
It’s where Eddie expects him to go. He’ll catch Steve if he goes in, or he’ll wait for Steve by the doors until he comes back out—both options involve facing Eddie after Steve had made a total idiot of himself. Both feel utterly mortifying.
So he ducks into the alleyway beside the familiar brick building instead, just to catch his breath. It takes Steve longer than the average bear to sort out his feelings now, after all. Jesus, who’s he kidding? Everything seems to take him longer.
Steve feels hot tears streak down his cheeks before he angrily scrubs a sleeve over them. Of course Eddie isn’t his boyfriend. Eddie’s funny and cool and he’s in a band and he lights up every damn room he walks into—and Steve… well, maybe Steve was something a few years ago when he was in high school, and maybe he was even something before his accident, but now…
There’s a sharp clapping noise that sounds like thunder. A door slamming, Steve’s brain sluggishly supplies. It’s followed by shouting.
“Steve? Steve!” Eddie calls from somewhere on the street.
Steve’s heart feels like it’s going to fall out of his ass. His face is probably still blotchy and wet, his breathing hasn’t evened out yet and his eyes are still leaking like a goddamn faucet. He’s pathetic.
Can’t let Eddie see him like this…
He ducks behind a metal garbage bin, careful not to let anything but the bottom of his sneakers touch the sticky looking surfaces around him. It stinks, like rot.
“Steve?” Eddie’s voice echoes off of the alleyway walls. Steve claps a hand around his mouth to muffle out any of the pathetic sounds that seem determined to escape from him. So much of his body just does whatever the hell it feels like now. Out of Steve’s control, like everything else.
For a few, tense seconds, there’s silence. Eddie’s listening for him, maybe. Steve shuts his eyes and waits him out.
It feels like an eternity before he hears Eddie’s hurried, retreating footsteps, continuing his shouting for Steve. He sounds almost as panicked as Steve feels. Almost.
Steve gives a noisy, wet sniff and does one final scrub of his face before getting to his feet. He starts walking.
As he goes deeper into the alleyway, he thinks back on all the things he’s been wrong about. The fact that Eddie had some of his band t-shirts mixed in with Steve’s clothes… well, that was because they were both guys who wore about the same size, and Eddie left his shit everywhere. It’s no wonder some of his stuff got mixed into their laundry. And the times Eddie’s driven him places? That’s just… what friends do, Steve supposes. And all those times Eddie made Steve laugh? Made him feel like the center of the universe? Well, that’s just… Eddie. He must make everyone feel that way. It’s like his super power. But it isn’t romantic… It doesn’t mean anything more than Eddie being a magnetic person.
Steve is just so stupid. Painfully so.
He blinks as the sun hits him. He must’ve reached the other side of the alleyway.
Steve cups a hand over his eyes and grimaces. His migraine wasn’t backing down. He sighs. Time to head back.
Steve turns back into the alleyway he’d emerged from, only he’s about halfway through when he realizes the color of the buildings on either side of him are wrong. They’re brown on one side, painted green on the other. That isn’t right…
His heart jackrabbits in his chest, but he keeps walking forward. Maybe he’ll recognize the street once he’s back on the other side.
But when he gets there, it’s as unfamiliar to him as the alleyway. Steve turns, looking up and down the road to see if he could spot Eddie, or his van, or the Center. But there’s nothing.
And when someone shoulder checks him, Steve supposes he was sort of asking for it, standing in the middle of the sidewalk like that. He apologizes, but it’s too late. The person’s already out of range to hear him.
It’s as if everyone else is on fast forward while Steve’s stuck on pause. The world keeps moving along while all he seems to be able to do is watch it go by.
Why would he ever think someone as dynamic and spirited as Eddie would hitch his horse onto Steve’s busted up, barely mobile cart?
Stupid, stupid, stupid…
He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes and wills himself not to start blubbering again like a goddamn baby. His life is already one big, painful lesson in humility as it is, he doesn’t need to wallow in it.
Steve keeps walking. Figures he’ll spot something, or someone familiar to him eventually. The pounding in his head’s eased off to a dull ache, at least. Maybe there was something to this exercise and fresh air thing the doctors were always going on about, after all…
The thing is though, Steve doesn’t spot anything familiar. Not even vaguely so, and it’s not until the streetlights turn on that he realizes he’d spent the majority of the day wandering around the streets like some lost dog that managed to slip his leash.
It’s cold too, and all he’s got on is jeans and a polo. It’s October, isn’t it? No wonder he’s got goosebumps all up and down his arms.
Then, he finally spots something familiar; a phone booth. Steve breathes a sigh of relief. He’d just call his parents. They’d come pick him up.
He gets the booth and lifts the receiver before he blanks. A quarter. He’d need that. Duh, Harrington. So he hangs up the phone and pats his pockets until he finds a wallet, but all that’s inside of it are a couple of crisp bills. He’d need to break one.
Steve turns, scans the street until he spots a well lit, invitingly warm looking diner. The joint looks so damn cozy that he forgets to make sure the street is clear before he steps out into the middle of it.
Tires screech, harmonizing with the horn that’s blasting at him—Steve flinches, reaching up to cover his head and braces for impact.
To his great relief, the hit never comes. Which, thank fuck. He can’t afford anymore accidents. As it is Robin’s threatened to make him wear a helmet full-time.
Steve doesn’t listen to whatever the person yells at him, he just hurries to get the hell out of his way of the other moving vehicles.
“Smooth, Harrington. Real smooth.” He mutters to himself as he catches his breath.
He pushes the door to the diner open with shaking hands, but it’s blissfully peaceful inside, and he can actually feel his insides unclench as he stands inside of it.
“Sit anywhere, hun, I’ll be right with you.” A woman’s voice tells him. Steve nods and slips into the nearest booth overlooking the street. Watches the cars go by. There’s even a couple of cop cars, sirens blaring, lights flashing. Steve wonders briefly what sort of emergency they’re rushing off to when the waitress comes to his table.
“What can I get you, handsome?” She asks, cheery and warm like the rest of the diner.
“Uh…” Steve frowns, taking a few seconds to process the question, “nothing. I’m just waiting for my parents to come pick me up.”
The waitress taps the side of the notepad. “Well you gotta order something, hun, or you can’t stay here.”
Steve wants to stay here. It’s warm and smells fucking amazing, like “pancakes?”
She waitress smirks. “Yeah, we got those. You want a stack?”
“Yeah, please.” Steve smiles back, laughing along with the waitress like he’s in whatever joke that’s currently so amusing to her. “I’m starving.”
“You want some coffee too, to help you sober up, maybe?”
“Oh, I’m not drunk.” He huffs out a little self deprecating laugh, “I wish. No, I—uh, my meds, they’re the kind that you can’t mix with alcohol. Coffee too. Bummer, right? Yeah… But, uh, it is what it is, I guess—so…”
He can feel it. The way his mind so often wanders. He’s lost his train. His track. He frowns, eyes drifting towards the street again, watching the headlights zip by.
“…so just the pancakes then?” The waitress asks, jolting his train back onto its rails. His attention snaps back onto her.
“Yeah, pancakes. Sure.” Steve flashes her what he hopes is a charming smile.
She returns his smile and leaves him be, and he lets himself relax. Props his head up on a fist and watches life go on for everyone else but him.
He gets his pancakes, and some juice too that he doesn’t remember ordering, but hey, that’s nothing new. And damn, the pancakes taste even better than they smell. He needs to remember the name of this place so he can come back with everyone. What did the doctors say? Repeat something in your head over and over until it sticks. Repetition. Repetition, repetition, repetition…
It’s around the time his fork hits an empty plate that one of the police cars stops in front of the diner window, lights on, but the sirens are off now.
Hopper steps out.
Huh. That’s weird. Steve wonders what sort of emergency he’s here for.
When Hopper enters through the glass doors, the bell hung over the entry way rings out pleasantly. An angel getting their wings.
His eyes land on Steve and the older man sighs, shoulders falling. Relief, Steve recognizes. Hopper pulls the radio from his belt and says something into it before stomping over.
Then it clicks.
Oh. Steve’s the emergency.
He feels his face heat up. The handful of other patrons scattered across the diner are all looking at him.
“There you are.” Hopper sighs, gruff and exasperated.
Steve sinks into his seat, just a little. “Shit. I fucked up, didn’t I?”
“Just a little.” Hopper chuckles dryly. He takes off his hat and slips into the booth across from Steve, apparently not in any sort of hurry now that he’s found the runaway dog.
Steve runs a hand through his hair, a nervous tic he’s developed. “Sorry.”
“Nah, don’t be sorry. Just strangle Munson for me when you see him next, will ya?” Hopper drops his hat onto the table and waves the waitress down. He orders a coke.
Munson. Eddie.
The memory of how he made a total and utter fool of himself comes rushing back, slamming down onto him like one of those cartoon anvils. Jesus, how did he forget that..?
Suddenly the pancakes aren’t sitting so good in his gut. Feels like he’s gonna ralph.
“Was he freaked out? Eddie, I mean.” Steve asks, cautiously approaching the question. Did Eddie say anything about why…?
“Yeah, him and Robin both. Then the kids found out too—don’t ask me how. I suspect the curly-haired one has an illegal transmitter.” Hopper leans back in the booth as the waitress drops off his coke. He takes the straw out and drinks it right from the glass. Steve waits for him to finish, doesn’t say a word.
When Hopper puts the glass down, Steve just sits and watches the way the drops of condensation run down the cup, distorting around the fingerprints Hopper’s left. “Anyway, they’re all out on their bikes looking for you too.”
Hopper smiles fondly, like it’s something charming and not… pathetic. “You got a lot of people that care about you, kid.
Steve swallows around the lump in his throat, and nods. Tries for a grin, but it’s weak. Probably wouldn’t fool anyone, much less a cop. “Yeah, I’m a real lucky guy.”
Hopper looks like he wants to say something else, but he just takes a breath and nods. Steve’s grateful he doesn’t argue. Doesn’t think he has the energy in him right now to fend off the ‘but look how far you’ve come!’ ‘Your speaking’s gotten so much better!’ ‘It could be a whole heck of a lot worse!’ comments.
“What do you say we get you home? Unless you want dessert? My treat.” Hopper offers with a grin.
“No, I just want to go to sleep,” he says, before remembering his manners, “thanks, though.”
“Alright then.” Hopper glances down at the cleared plate of pancakes and the half finished coke before sliding out of the booth, followed by Steve. He takes out wallet, but Steve beats him to it. He tosses down a few bills, hoping it’s enough. Hopper doesn’t comment, so it must be.
The drive back to his and Robin’s apartment is a solemn one, but it’s strangely peaceful. Hopper’s got the heat on full blast due to Steve’s lack of coat, and the motion of the vehicle along with the darkened sky leaves Steve feeling wrung out in a way he hasn’t felt in a long time.
In fact, when they finally arrive, Hopper’s gotta shake his shoulder to wake him up.
“We’re here.” He rumbles out in his gruff baritone.
Steve lifts his head from his folded arm and looks up at the modest building. He wonders how far they live from the pancake diner. If they could walk there, sometime, him and Robin and Eddie.
But then Steve realizes he never got the name of it. He feels his insides sink. Another thing lost to him.
“Thanks, Hop,” Steve gives Hopper a nod and what he’s sure is a tired smile. “I’ll, uh—I’ll try not to run off again.”
“Ah, don’t worry about it.” Hopper says, diplomatically. “Let me walk you in.”
Steve cringes at the idea. He’s grateful for Hop and all he’s done—especially the part about not making him feel like a complete dummy—but he just wants this all to be over and for things to revert back to how they were. And at this point he’s so close he can taste it.
Steve busies his hands by undoing his seat belt. “No, it’s okay, really—“
Hopper looks like he’s about to argue but Robin damn near crashes out through the building’s illuminated front doors. She makes a b-line for Steve, who’s just barely gotten out of the cruiser.
She wraps her arms around him and doesn’t let go. “Steve! Holy shit, you scared me so bad. I’ve been out of my mind!”
Steve’s arms are trapped at an awkward angle, but he reaches around her as best he can, arms like flippers. “I’m okay. Seriously. Look, not even a scratch.”
She doesn’t laugh. Just squeezes him harder. Truthfully, Steve doesn’t know if he’s okay, but it’s what everyone always seems to want to hear from him, so he says it often.
“I’ve already killed Eddie like three times.” Robin murmurs into Steve’s chest, before finally pulling away. Her eyes are bloodshot, her nose stuffy, like she’s been crying.
“It’s not his fault, Rob.” Steve’s brows pinch together as he frowns, “is he…”
But when Steve looks up towards their building, he can see Eddie standing in the doorframe, his dark silhouette illuminated by the entry way lights. He’s still as a statue, holding open the door for them, arm extended out into the cold autumn night. Steve’s insides squirm.
“You got him from here, Buckley?” Hopper calls from his cruiser and Robin ducks to meet his eye before giving him a thumbs up. She loops her arm around his waist and they start towards their place—towards Eddie.
Before they reach him, Steve keeps his voice down as he asks, “Can I just go to bed? I don’t—I can’t talk about it right now.”
“Okay.” She nods, “I get it.”
But she doesn’t, not really.
Steve avoids eye contact with Eddie when they finally reach the building, and before he can say anything, Robin interrupts. “He’s going straight to bed. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” Eddie says in a small voice. He doesn’t argue. Doesn’t even follow them back up to their apartment. Maybe Eddie’s even relieved he doesn’t need to confront it tonight. Maybe they won’t ever confront it… maybe he’s hoping Steve’s brain will take care of everything and make him forget. Make it like it never happened. Part of Steve wishes—
No. He doesn’t wish that. His brain’s already functioning at half capacity, he doesn’t want to thank it for fucking up, even if it might make Steve’s life easier.
Whatever Eddie’s expression is, Steve doesn’t look back to find out. He keeps his eyes on his feet, focusing on putting one step ahead of the other.
When they finally arrive at Steve’s matchbox sized bedroom, he doesn’t even bother changing into pajamas, or even out of his jeans for that matter. He just falls into his bed, pulls a pillow over his head and wills himself to let go of the day and surrender to the sweet pull of blissful unconsciousness.
🫣 Oops, I made it worse. But I promise the Eddie and Steve confrontation is in the next part! 🙏 This is tagged angst with a happy ending for a reason.
Tag List: (message me to add or remove yourself.)
@morallyundefined @estrellami-1 @ollieolive @mugloversonly @wheneverfeasible @steddiefication @what-if-a-dragon @wrenisfangirling @yesdangerpls @flustratedcas @scarletyeager @snowstar2368 @starxlark @sofadofax @lawrencebshoggoth @stevesworldxx @jizzing-bastard-600and69 @bambibiest @queenie-ofthe-void @lilpomelito @bananahoneycomb @kaspurrcat @deadwhiterosesstuff @dame-zoom-a-lot @3vilpurpl3d0t @loudmariachibands @steddieislife
#Steddie#I swear I’ll fix it#🔨🪛🪚 look I have my tools right here#let me know if you want to be added to the tag list for part 3!#angst with a happy ending#Steddie amnesia fic#concussed Steve Harrington#tw head trauma#Steve Harrington centric#whew boy we’re in for a bit of a roller coaster#Eddie Munson#Steve Harrington#stranger things#stranger things fanfic#steddie fanfic#Eddie Munson is a sweetheart#he’s just a little guy#Eddie x Steve#Steve x Eddie#pre-Steddie#but they’re heading there I swear#I WILL make the boys smooch I swear#but anyway here it is!#I’ve literally never had a fic blow up the way this one did#thank you everyone#my writing#write Rae write
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convinced the second one is a legit kitty quote
update: HELP “lots and lots and lots and lots” in the kitty cheshire voice has become a VOCAL STIM
T_T
#eah incorrect quotes#eah#ever after high#ever after high headcanons#sparrow hood#duchess swan#duchess x sparrow#sparchess#alistar wonderland#kitty cheshire#evil queen#raven queen#cedar wood#tumblr text meme#tumblr text post#tumblr memes#memes#eah meme#eah memes#multishipper#eah ships#been reading the books and raven and cedars friendship is so cute but ultimately just a tool for raven to trauma dump#lol#eah books#ask me about my headcanons#evil queen evil queening#funny#fyp#tumblr fyp#the end
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Reversed Veil of Worlds
Chapter 2 - Page 40
- I apologise for taking so long. Hit a rut and we found a house. But i got these three pages for you that ill be posting through out the day. Now its Crowley's time to snap. What will happen next?
Moving isnt done yet, might be another month or so before the new house. But ill keep working 😉
Beginning - Previous - Next
I have started a discord group for this comic. Come join! You get early viewing and extra stories and art. Join: https://discord.gg/xVG6xg2SD7
Help support my work by subscribing on Patreon or donating on Kofi! Links here: https://daneecastle.carrd.co/
@goodomensafterdark
#reversedveilofworlds#reversed veil of worlds#good omens#crowley#aziraphale#good omens fanart#michael sheen#david tennant#comic#man friends forever#progress#anger is w powerful tool#muriel#koka#shouting#trauma
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the way the absence of john winchester haunt sam and dean in ways that are more real than any ghost they have ever faced. the way john echoes so loudly in the narrative even in episodes he’s not mentioned, in seasons where he never appears. the way john possesses dean when he’s angry and sam when he’s grieving. the way john is the one true god of the narrative, the absent father who does not answer prayers or phone calls. the righteous man who does not break in hell but breaks down and hands his child a gun. john and the memory of his holy mary. john the prophet and his sacred text. john and his prodigal son that he knows has to die.
#john winchester#john as a character and narrative tool is so fascinating to me#the way the show utilizes both his presence and absence#the intergenerational trauma and cycle of abuse stuff is what elevates the show#even when the writers are fumbling the motw stuff or the season arcs#the impact of john is still so apparent and raw and visible#a lot of that is on the actors vs the writers tho#john winchester hate club#supernatural#sam winchester#dean winchester#SPN
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Ae Fond Kiss - Part 1
Winsome Wee Thing
Summary: This is the start of a story from this concept. You fall in love and you learn loss more ways than one. Words: 3.9k TWs: major character death (temporary), miscarriage
Parts: 1 2 3
You and your boyfriend's Lieutenant disliked one another immensely and immediately.
For you it wasn’t so much that the hulking idiot was in a balaclava, although you found the skull pattern so teenage boy edgy that it caused a cringe deep enough to feel right through your molars, it was the obvious dismissal he had for you. For Simon it wasn’t so much that Johnny’s newest pretty little bit was a smart arse, although he could practically feel the ‘not like other girls’ radiating off of you in waves, it was the obvious disdain you had for him. The first impression set the tone for what became a horrid relationship.
–
“This is my Lieutenant, they call him Ghost but I believe he prefers to be called-”
“That’ll do.”
There was something about the way he cut the puppy dog that was your boyfriend off that riled you a little.
“Nice to meet you, Ghost. Is that your gamer tag or something?”
“Never been one for games. You a gamer girl?”
“Not enough to have such a cool nickname.”
“Oh I’m sure we could come up with a nickname that would suit you princess.”
Gaz, who you did like, spent the rest of the night meditating while Johnny remained clueless to the simmering hostility between the two of you. Price didn’t really seem to know what to make of it all, but you found you had a natural respect for the Captain and as time went on, he was the one that could always tell you and Ghost to knock it off if he could see a fight brewing.
–
Johnny had been so excited to introduce you to his team and his team to you and the only thing you and bonehead could seem to agree on was that you would pretend to be civil when Johnny was around. So the jokes were underhanded but could be brushed off as humour, the vitriol was kept for when his back was turned, the eventual birthday presents were tactfully meant to appear innocent but actually be biting insults and the all out war that was had around a pool table was played off as healthy competition.
If it has been anyone but John MacTavish you’d have dumped him purely so you would never have to see Simon Riley again, but fuck you fell hard and fast for Johnny. You didn’t even fully remember your first meeting. It had been a blind date and you thought you had been stood up so got well past merrily drunk at the bar of a nice restaurant. You had not been stood up, your date had broken down in the snow and in the hours you had been drinking the flurries had become a full blizzard. But that wasn’t going to stop Johnny. In the middle of a backroad with a blizzard beating down and no signal to call he had hiked his ass all the way to you, getting there just in time to catch you wobbling out the door.
He had been a gentleman, hadn’t taken advantage. You woke up the next day with a handsome man bringing you breakfast in bed and apologising profusely for the whole thing. He had slept on your couch and admitted sheepishly that he had walked you home. From what little you did remember, you had made it difficult by starting a snowball fight and wanting to make snow angels every 5 minutes. You remembered the scent of pine and a roaring fire that enveloped you when he had bundled you in his jacket, breathing in and being transported to a log cabin in the Scottish highlands in winter, safe and drinking something warm with a hint of whiskey.
If you hadn’t already been falling for him after his bashful teasing that morning, you were flung head first into it when you spent the next week looking after him when his gallantry earned him the worst cold known to man. He was a big baby when he was sick and that combined with the terrible sense of humour that he had made you desperate to learn more about him.
–
“Ye cannae be mean tae me, I’m naw long for this world!”
For such a large man, he really was like a little kid bundled up in blankets and whining.
“Uh huh, that’s very valid and very sad but you still need to take your medicine.”
“I was never any good at swallowing, maybe ye can give it tae me as a suppository.”
Ridiculous man.
“Aww come on, swallow like a good boy and maybe we can talk about that suppository when you’re better.”
“Fuck, where have ye been all my life?”
His loopy grin nearly made you plant a kiss on his lips regardless of how ill he was, but instead you just ruffled his hair when he knocked back the pills and wondered how you were ever going to keep from loving this man.
–
The second date he had left you with a fond kiss at the doorstep after a wild night of earning enough tickets at the arcade to win him a little plush skull toy. He had been obsessed with it when he had first seen it, had told you he needed to win it for his Lieutenant. You thought that was adorable and had put your frankly suspiciously good reflexes to work absolutely rinsing the whack a mole for every ticket you could get from it. Of course had you known then that Simon Riley was the biggest ass on the planet you’d have hoarded your tickets and gotten 300 packets of Haribo instead (or so you’d like to think, but you knew deep down you could never have denied Johnny knowing how bright he smiled when he had traded the tickets for that stupid plush).
By the third date you wanted him so badly that you felt like a bitch in heat. You started to think that maybe you were making a fool of yourself with how calm he seemed whenever you sneaked a touch or whispered a filthy promise. God you liked him so much, it was killing you that maybe he didn’t feel the same. You needn’t have worried as it turned out, date number 3 was when John MacTavish had completely ruined you in a way you had not expected.
–
“This was really nice” you said, a bit embarrassed if you were honest and avoiding his eyes after he walked you to your front door.
You had been a menace the whole evening. You had never been some sex kitten but fuck he just brought it out in you without even trying. He probably thought you were ridiculous now with how you had tried to be all sultry the whole way through dinner. Fuck, your hands had wandered something awful during the movie as well and you felt the humiliation from it burn from your ears to your toes. He didn’t want you the way you wanted him and you had pathetically thrown yourself at him. He probably couldn’t wait to lose your number.
“Open the door.”
Shit. He sounded almost angry. The first guy you had really liked in a long time, maybe ever, and you had totally blown it by being over eager. You shakily unlocked your door and blew out a breath, prepared to go inside and cry over a glass of wine. Instead you were grabbed by the waist and slammed against the door to close it behind you so fast it made your head spin.
John MacTavish’s tongue was down your throat and he had your wrists pinned above your head in a bruising vice grip. You had only just found the sense to kiss back when his lips were gone and instead his teeth were sinking into the delicate skin of your throat. The whine you made at that was all animal, as was his answering growl.
“Next time ye misbehave like that I’m going tae bend ye over the dinner table and fuck ye hard and proper in front of all those nice, fancy people.”
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. You had never gotten so wet so fast in your life. The nice lace panties you had on under this dress were soaked right through. He bit off a curse and your legs nearly gave out when he suddenly let you go and backed right off, dragging a hand roughly through his hair.
“Fuck, sorry. Dinnae hate me, I wanted tae… our first time I mean, I had it all planned oot. Which makes me sound like a creepy, presumptuous bawbag. And now I’m being a fucking reprobate and pinning you tae the door without even asking first.”
Oh my God. You could not just fall in love with a man after 3 dates. And yet looking at his blown out eyes, how his body thrummed with barely contained lust for you and how he nearly vibrated with the effort of holding himself back because he wanted to treat you right… you had fallen in love with a man after 3 dates.
“I thought…” you said, your hand coming to rest on your flushed chest as you tried to find the words. “I mean at dinner and then at the movie, I um… well I wanted you to, you know. I thought maybe you didn’t want to? Which is fine obviously. I mean if you didn’t want to.”
The whiplash from going from lust to humiliation to lust and back to embarrassment was not something you were enjoying. You looked at him, he looked at you and after a few long moment the two of you burst into laughter. What a bloody pair you made. He came over and wrapped you in his arms, that wonderful scent that just gave you a feeling of contentment deep in your bones sinking into you.
“I want to. Was hard for the whole film, couldnae move that popcorn bucket or someone was getting an eye oot. Wanted tae spank ye red raw for all that teasing” he confessed into your hair, so sincere and blunt about it that you weren’t sure your pussy was likely to forgive you if you didn’t go out of your way to tease him next time.
“Wanted?”
He laughed, probably because you sounded somewhat like a petulant child, and leaned back, hands going to gently cup your face. Looking into his eyes felt like a gentle falling. Falling into a warm bed on a cold morning after a hot coffee, falling into the first fresh powdery snow of the year, falling in love with a man you hardly knew but felt so much like coming home.
“Was planning on asking ye tae come with me up North. Got a nice cabin in the Highlands that I usually rent oot since my Captain is always going on about having a backup plan. Want it tae be perfect.”
“You don’t have to go to all that trouble.”
Nobody ever had before. In your somewhat limited experience men wanted to get to fucking as soon as they could and while a few had made sure you came first, none had ever put much thought into getting you into bed in the first place. It just sort of happened. You would never have said you were insecure, but at that moment you felt the crushing weight of feeling that you didn’t deserve this man making such a grand gesture just to get inside you. You already wanted him. And there was no way he wasn’t experienced, how would you ever be good enough to warrant all the effort he was going to?
“Hey, look at me beautiful” he said quietly, thumbs rubbing soothingly across your cheekbones and coaxing your eyes back to his. “I really like you.”
Those four words ruined you entirely. John MacTavish put his heart out there with such simplicity that it stunned you. He could have thrown you on the bed and fucked you rough and savage and you’d have enjoyed it, but instead here he was butting his forehead lightly on yours in affection despite his evident arousal because he wanted more than that.
“I really like you too.”
Instead of fucking, he held you while you cried like a baby, overwhelmed by the care he took with you. He only made it worse when he whispered to you how you deserved to be treated with adoration. He called you beautiful, bonnie thing, mo leannan, winsome wee thing (that one made you laugh). He refused gently when you wanted to take care of him that night, instead laying you down softly on the pillows and lapping between your legs to bring you to slow orgasm after slow orgasm until you were boneless and sated, slurring your speech as he bundled you in his arms and you spoke about everything from your childhood pets to your great hopes and dreams until you drifted off into the best sleep of your life.
–
Your first time with him inside you was in that cabin like he had wanted and it had been the most perfect few days of your life. He had made sure you felt safe and comfortable, insisting you gave the location to your friends and going over maps of the area with you, pointing out where you’d need to go to get signal to check in with them. He bought ingredients for all of your favourite meals and stopped for a snack run on the way to boot. He showed you his test results but stressed that he was putting no pressure on you either way and if you did want to have sex he would have condoms if you preferred. And after all that he made it clear that you did not have to have sex with him if you didn’t feel like it. Johnny would be happy to just hold you for a weekend. As soon as you arrived he taught you how to use the sat phone if there was an emergency. The voice on the other end was gruff but soothing somehow, safe sounding (that at least was something that never changed about Simon, despite not liking the man, you always felt safe with him).
You were ready to explode by the time he finally laid you in bed. He stroked deep and slow inside of you, steady and solid and torturous. You understood then the difference between fucking and making love. It was the first time anyone had ever shown you the latter.
He then proceeded to show you the former in great detail on every surface inside the cabin and on quite a few outside. Your pussy was battered and your clit bruised in the most delicious ways. Your throat was raw from screaming and from being fucked. After a lifetime of swearing up and down it was never something you were interested in, you wound up practically begging for his cock in your ass because there was not one part of you that you did not want dripping with him. And of course he was only too happy to make sure you understood everything he would do to prep you by letting you do it to him first. You couldn’t fucking sit down for a full day after he had indeed spanked you red raw for the teasing you had done on that 3rd date.
A week later you met his family, the week after that his brothers in arms. And then he was gone and you were so worried about him that you constantly felt nauseous. It took years for you to be able to settle when he was deployed, to not spend the whole time imagining him not coming home to you. Because by that time that was what you had built together, a home.
You and Kyle became friends throughout the years. You really did like him, he was easy going and would laugh and let you bitch about Simon whenever you wanted. Captain Price came to feel like an older brother. He was there whenever you needed him, whether it be a car breakdown or because you were in a panic about a handsy coworker (poor guy had broken both hands in an accident the next weekend). And Simon? Well not too much changed there, you dealt with each other when you had to and were it not for your shared love of Johnny you suspected you’d have killed one another.
At least until Las Almas.
–
You didn’t know how you were going to tell Johnny. In fact, you probably wouldn’t. What good would it do? It had sorted itself out. That was how you tried to think about it. Food poisoning had made the pill ineffective for a day, you had gotten pregnant unplanned and unwanted and had lost the baby before you’d even started showing. It didn’t matter that while Johnny was somewhere being a hero you had heard a tiny heartbeat at the doctors. You told yourself over and over again that you didn’t want it anyway. You tried to think about how awful everything felt all the time. The morning sickness, the fatigue, the mood swings.
It was probably just the shock of it, waking up wet from the blood and thinking you were dying. If your first thought had been that you’d rather you die and the baby lived then you tried not to dwell on that. She would have had Johnny’s eyes. He would have wanted a mohawk so he could match his daddy. You forced an image of you telling Johnny and him being upset and not wanting a baby. It was useless. You knew that man. You loved that man. And that man would have gently made sure you wanted to keep it before bursting into happy tears and kissing you senseless.
You couldn’t tell him. You couldn’t break his heart the way the last few months had broken yours. Maybe it was selfish, to want to keep this pain for yourself when you knew beyond a doubt that he’d be desperate to share it, to take as much as he could from you and turn it to gentle comfort the way he always did when you were hurting. But you wanted to be selfish over this.
It was a whole new pain when you answered the door and Ghost was standing there. Your knees went from under you and you collapsed with the weight of why he would be at your door. Why would he be here without your Johnny? It was the first time Simon Riley caught you.
You never spoke about the way he held you gently and told you that Johnny was ok, he was alive but injured. He made you laugh through your tears and snot by telling you what a bad patient Johnny was being, how he was about ready to beat up every medic on base to get back to you because “I dinnae need fucking morphine I need tae eat my bird’s pussy”. His Scottish accent on that impersonation was truly dreadful.
Simon never thought he would find himself comforting you. He didn’t like you, he never had. Johnny had never been so serious about anyone and it drove him nuts that you made him so happy. Happiness like that was an easy thing to ruin and you could ruin it if you wanted, that scared the shit out of him. It was even scarier when Johnny had shown him the ring he was planning to offer you.
He never told Johnny how you had broke in his arms that night. How you had told him about the miscarriage in the dark, bled your pain all over him and let it sink into his skin. He had taken it gladly. In the light of the morning you went back to your dislike of one another, but something had changed in the dark.
–
You never did tell Johnny. You and Simon settled then on some sort of begrudging respect for one another. You still argued and bit at each other, but with the knowledge that now you would be part of one another's lives forever through Johnny given that only a few days after he came home he had slid a ring onto your finger.
Frankly you were fucking terrified when you came off of the pill. The only thing that got you through it was, unbelievably, Simon mumbling to you in the pub over a game of pool that you were going to be good parents. Of course Johnny had told him you were trying, but you found you didn’t really mind as you grumbled back an awkward thank you.
You could have strangled Johnny for having such strong fucking swimmers. You hadn't expected to get pregnant almost as soon as you were off birth control and it meant your wedding dress had to be altered to account for the small bump there. The bump he could not keep his hands off. Honestly the man was already insatiable, but fuck he loved you pregnant. He was already talking about more kids and you hadn’t even had the first one, he fucked you and groaned about wanting you pregnant all the time.
Your husband, something you thought you’d never get sick of saying, drove you mad once again in the late stages. You were hornier than ever and he was determined to treat you like you were made of glass all of a sudden. He certainly still gave you as many orgasms as you demanded, but gone was any rough and feral fucking. You loved making love with Johnny, but fuck if you didn’t miss the fucking.
You’d never tell Simon it had been your suggestion, not under pain of death. Neither of you had been attached to any name in particular, but you knew how much Johnny loved his Lieutenant. He was his best friend and they owed one another their lives several times over. There was a good chance that you owed him your life. Your husband had kissed you with so much love when you had asked if he’d like to call your son Joseph and after talking about it late into the night you had agreed that the little human inside you was your wee Joey.
A wee fucking bruiser is what he was, coming into the world kicking and screaming. Ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes. You joked that he must have screamed so loud he had damaged his own ears when he was referred to the audiology clinic after a second newborn hearing test. They stressed that you shouldn’t worry over it, but you hadn’t been anyway. Joseph was the strongest most wonderful thing you had ever seen, whatever came of it he had two parents who were going to make sure it never made his life anything less than a grand happy adventure.
Johnny had hated leaving him. Price had hated to ask it, had sent you enough flowers to start your own florist in apology. You understood though, your husband was off saving the world after all. Your heart was in your throat when he kissed Joey’s head and then kissed you soundly. Something felt off with him. The kiss felt different somehow, mournful. Maybe it was just a trick of your memory, hindsight tainting what you hadn’t known was the last time you would see your husband.
–
Simon Riley caught you a second time. John MacTavish was dead.
#mhairiwrites#cod#fanfic#soap x reader#ghost x reader#john mactavish x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x john mactavish#eventual happy ending#my guys I wrote this in one go this evening so have mercy on my soul#enjoy all the sprinklings of trauma in here that are surprise tools that will help us with angst later
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Ghost Hunting Vigilantes #2
Ties to: Ouija Board Prompt and Ghost Hunting Vigilantes
A/N: The electric gun thing was inspired by Elton from TFIL Overnight. They used it in one of their videos I just don't remember which and what they called it. Also thanks to @cyber-geist for sparking this follow up idea.
Danny was pressed flat against the wall and floating close to the ceiling. His hands still covering his mouth. What the actual fuck? How prepared was this teen? Sam had made him watch a lot of ghost hunting videos online but none of these 'hunters' appeared and held themselves like Red Robin.
Ancients, he wouldn't be surprised if they also had some Fenton Tools now.
Danny watched how Red Robin was frowning at the screen, the camera was still pointed at him. Once more the Ghost King looked down at himself, feeling for the familiar hum of his powers. He definitely knew he was still invisible.
"It's all a little blurry but I think the SLS Camera is picking something up…" The Teen muttered and Danny watched how the girls wandered over to look at the screen too.
"That's just a bundle of yellow lines. Doesn't even remotely look like a stick figure." Spoiler commented and Danny really wished he could let out a sigh of relief. So the camera was not picking him up. That was good to know.
"That is strange. When I tested it before the background image was still clearly visible but it looks like everything is blurry and static like." Red Robin muttered and Danny couldn't help but suck in a breath when the teen looked up directly at him.
The Ghost King knew they couldn't see him but right now this feels like the teen could. Danny let out the breath he sucked in once the teen turned to the vigilante in blue.
"Hey Nightwing. Could you spark some electricity?"
"What?"
"Your escrima sticks." The teen deadpanned. "Use them and spark some electricity into the air to charge the molecules."
"Why the fuck should he do that?"
"The interference I am getting on the camera is probably because the ghost used up most of its energy with the little music stunt it pulled. So to recharge and offer them some energy to keep communicating with us, we will release some electricity into the air. This will also prevent the ghost from attempting to drain any of our batteries or in the worst case our own energy or stamina if you want to say it like that."
What? Danny blinked. Okay he was the Ghost King, yes he had learned from his tutors that there are some ghosts that feed on electricity but most of them had an electric core and as far as Danny knew he was not sucking up battery power or life energy, not a power he had developed…. yet? He probably should ask his former rogue Technus if he knew anything about what Red Robin just said.
While Danny contemplated this the other vigilantes were staring at Red Robin and his explanation and the teen sighed. "Look if you don't want to use them, under the table to your left is a case with a modified stun gun that will do the same."
"We are not giving this Pit Demon power!" Robin declared as he moved to sit in front of the case blocking Nightwing as well as anyone else potential access to it.
Nightwing only shrugged and took out his weapons letting them spark to live.
There was a very hearable sharp intake of air and suddenly the rooms temperature dropped. The vigilantes watched how a sheen of ice spread around the walls and ice flowers started to bloom on the windows and glass like surface.
"What the fuck?!" Red Hood yelled, dropping the controller he was holding and pulling out his guns.
"We didn't invite Mr. Freeze, did we?" Spoiler asked no one in particular, rubbing her arms for warmth. Orphan was taking on a fighting position with her eyes surveying the room. Robin had sprung up on his feed, katana out and ready to fight once more, even Nightwings whose escrima sticks were still crackling with electricity assumed a fighting position.
The only one who appeared unconcerned was Red Robin, his eyes were still glued onto the screen that was still blurry and static like at times. "Hmm they weren't drawing energy front he camera... but now we know that the ghost has temperature changing abilities. I wonder… if I use the integrated heat-vision of our masks...."
"RR not the time to get stuck in your head!"
Danny couldn't breath as he pressed himself further into the ceiling. Green glowing eyes focused on the visible electricity sparking and humming from the blue ones weapons. His entire focus was on that and he hated it.
He had fucking trauma with a capital T. His friends knew that. His siblings knew that. His parents knew that. His former rogues knew that. Ancients. Even Dan had admitted it once to him that he had a similar problem with electricity!
Everything in him screamed to get away from that electric hum, he barely remembered to keep his invisibility up as he sought out the point farest away from what he probably presumed were tasers sticks. He hated how his core trembled and he wanted to do nothing more than fly as far away as he could.
"HEY GHOST FUCKER! STOP TRYING TO MAKE US POPSICLES!"
Green eyes snapped away from the crackling electricity and Danny could only stare at Red Hood who clearly didn't know where Danny was but still yelled profanities at every wall of the room not once moving from his spot though.
"Like yelling at the ghost will work. Anyone happen to have a blow torch on hand?"
"<tt> I told you it's a Pit Demon and now because of Red Robins stupidly we might end up frozen."
"Look how was supposed to know that the Ghost would use the electricity to change the Temperature this drastically? I knew they could change the temperature slightly but not like this!"
"Nightwing stop fucking sparking electricity already!"
"Oh right." The electric hum stopped and Danny felt himself relax slightly. "How do we get out of this? Think we could get B on the coms to bring us something?"
"Isn't he with the Justice League, right now?"
"<tt> You are all too relaxed for this."
"Oh, do you have a better idea than Demon Brat?"
Blinking Danny realized he had frozen over the entire room and that the ice had traveled up to the knees of the vigilantes. Nervously he rubbed at the back of his neck as he let his powers run and told the ice to withdraw from the vigilantes.
-Sorry, I am not got with electricity like that.- The Ghost King apologised in ghost speech sheepishly as soon as that spirit box was no longer covered in ice and his own trauma infused panic had settled down. It was probably better not to let them hear his voice right now.
Red Robin instantly turned his attention back to the SLS Camera Screen only to find it shut down. The cold had messed with something in it, making it blue screen and shut down. The vigilante narrowed his eyes, had the ghost maybe done this on purpose like Robin had said?
"Okay fucking noted. No sparking electricity if we don't want to be popsicles." Red Hood grumbled clearly not happy with what happened as he dramatically stomped with his boots like he was testing if he could feel all his toes.
"Did you die getting electrocuted? That was a pretty strong reaction." Nightwing couldn't help but ask. A little worry as well as curiosity layering his voice.
"Wait didn't Mr. Ghost say last time that asking about how he died is rude?"
"We are not pissing of that fucker any more than we already have." Red Hood decided, crossing his arms, guns still in his hands, while the EMF Meter lay forgotten by his feet.
"This Pit Demon is clearly tricking us. This was an attempt to get rid of us."
"Stop saying that! We still don't even know if it's a Pit Demon in the first place!"
Danny felt a presence appear next to him as he continued watching the vigilantes argue, a little amused as well as still apologetic because of the ice. Carefully he side eyed the presence hoping for all there was that it wasn't who he felt it was only to gulp. Next to him was Lady Gotham and she was once again holding the ghost club in her hands. A new kind of panic settled in the Ghost King's stomach, he slowly started to understand why Clockwork had such respect for this spirit.
"Oh look at the time. It has gotten late. Gotta go! BYE!"
Okay he panicked and once again forgot about ghost speech when he opened the portal home right next to him to escape her first swing but in his defense: That spirit had a mean swing that rivaled all the females of his family when they had the Creep Stick at hand and were pissed.
#danny fenton#dp x dc#fanfic#tim drake#jason todd#damian wayne#richard grayson#stephenie brown#cassandra cain#crossover#danny phantom#ouija board#and other ghost tools unedited#direct follow up part to the ghost hunting vigilantes#Danny has electricity related trauma#they didn't know#his response is to freeze everything#Tim was prepared#but not for that#He will plan better for next time#Lady Gotham was still not happy at the end#Damian still thinks Danny is a Pit Demon#no beta we die like Danny#dpxdc
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betray the moon as acolyte
on first and fierce affirming sight
of sunlight
#this part of the romance scene alone is worth the emotional trauma that is trying to romance him 😭#he is so beautiful and gorgeous and beautiful#astarion#astarion bg3#astarion romance#bg3 astarion#my screenshots#bg3#bg3 edit#baldur's gate iii#baldurs gate 3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 screenshots#otis’ camera tools#reshade#astarion ancunin
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shoutout to media with only one female character that’s just a vessel for a sexual assault and/or pregnancy plot line with very little or no characterization beyond that
#inspired by#mouthwashing#there’s other media this relates to#I’m just thinking a lot about this game right now#idk I love the game and its art direction and the story is still amazing#it just sucks that anya wasn’t as developed as the other characters#and felt like more of a tool to make jimmy more of an unsympathetic asshole#almost everything about her revolved around jimmy#I guess you could make an argument that since jimmy is an unreliable narrator that anya’s lack of character is how he views her#she’s nothing to him#but even the sections playing as curly she falls kinda flat and still involves jimmy#idk maybe I’m being too critical#I’m just kinda tired of plot lines like these#where women are reduced down to their trauma and that’s all they are#not saying they shouldn’t exist!! they are still valid stories#I just wish they had more tact#I understand though that this is an indie title with only so much time and resources to put into such a big project#and I understand that more time was probably put into the art direction and gameplay and coding than just some extra lines of dialogue
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LGBTQ Christians, like a lot of Christians, value their feelings and comfort over the very real harm caused by Christianity and the people who've been harmed by it. Good for you that your denomination is affirming and you have every right to practice the religion of your choice but how fucking dare you try to dictate how people should feel about a god and religion that has been used as a tool to oppress the very community you're a part of.
#maybe its not my place to say#but it grinds my gears that LGBTQ Christians act more fucking offended by UwU people critiquing their religion or being rightfully angry#than actual violence and stigma that Christians perpetuate against LGBTQ people#sorry babe your fucking religion has been a tool oppression of queerness for fucking centuries#fuck off with your UwU but my church is accepting#i don't give a shit your experience IS NOT UNIVERSAL#ex christian#religious trauma#anti christianity
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Updated Mystery Trio Through the Multiverse designs! Maybe someday I’ll do a colored reference, but not today.
Design notes/sketches under the cut!
#mystery trio through the multiverse au#fiddleford mcgucket#stanford pines#stanley pines#silver scribbles (art tag)#I keep drawing Stanley with snake bites bc I think they’re hot. however I don’t think he would have snake bites#he has too much mouth related trauma but they’re soooooo cool#honestly I rly like my Stan sketch he’s so cute#and btw ford has the bandage on his leg purely bc my design for him is so fucking boring I needed to give him something#fidds has the most going on. I will never draw his tool belt in detail again
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#orv spoilers#sorta. kinda. best safe than sorry#orv#kim dokja#the lasso tool trauma is kicking in. my teacher would be proud#biyoo#i need them in the webtoon desperately
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#oof .mp3#the murderbot diaries#tool & not a toy is kiling me . whos in to start a phd program in murderbot diaries so we can sit around a round table and discuss this#in relation to comfortunits and how mb doesnt bring this up again post ac and how its#casually dropping bits about being chewed on by hostile fauna / seeing people get eaten by hostile fauna / establishes this as a source of#trauma long before sc was even announced. and have like shitty coffee and little badges. whos in
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theres such a disconnect between my digital and traditional art.
example: i love drawing backgrounds!!! traditionally, i'll draw anything! but digitally? fuck you! character in a white void, take it or leave it.
#Its so so frustrating because my main art tool is my ipad#FUCK#this is probably art school trauma#i used digital art as escapism from the shit we had to do at school#but oops! now i cant force myself to use referrnces when drawing digitally
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You know... I'm not grateful to my far-right thug of a brother for much but when he caught wind of our transition a few years ago he sent an unhinged 30 minute death threat video which I keep saved on my computer.
The thing is he says a lot of things that we think about ourselves in our worst moments. "You're a nightmare to live with" "You love to play the victim" "You want people to pay attention to you then you get scared and hide because you don't know what to do with it when you get it"
He says these things. Out loud. They mirror our own worst thoughts about ourselves.
And I realize those thoughts never came from us. They were external. Implanted into us so often and so long ago that we didn't even realize they didn't come from our own mind.
But he also goes on wild conspiracy theories and says the most antisemitic, transphobic and hateful things, openly boasts about being a nazi and says that "people like you CREATE people like me" and by the end of the video I just feel sorry for him because I just see another victim of our shared childhood who found different coping mechanisms and different ideologies and...
All the hate goes away and is replaced by gratitude for the fact I got to live the life I did and become the person I am. I could have taken wrong turns. I could have become so much worse. But I didn't... and the kindness I chose to embrace is no accident. It could have been different.
I now have proof of that.
He sent me that video as a way of trying to shame me into returning to my country of origin and abandoning my transition. What it ended up doing was finally pushed me to go No Contact with my entire family of origin and emboldened me to never look back and to take pride in the life I made despite the roots that we grew from.
Sometimes there are positives, even in the worst things.
#dawn posting#personal#watch me post my trauma in public#I am a little annoyed that the video unlocked Significant Trauma Memories#but those played into receiving our DID diagnosis#and life is better for having the tools to navigate our condition#so even that is a win
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to elaborate on this concept (and continue my apparent trend of putting sketchy artwork under the cut):
big fucked up ouppy :)
#he's got three mouths and yes they all open individually and all have individual rows of extremely deadly teeth#he's constantly dragged around by chains. the collar hurts but nobody can get it off#and he's got no eyes so he just stumbles around being a big sad dog everywhere#yin art#as far as this kinda thing goes i think he'd be surprisingly docile. theoretically anyway#he's a big mindless monster but he's also a big protective guard dog. maybe a little too protective. possessive even#he is scruffing all of the people he cares about and curling around them and biting the faces off anyone who dares to come near#big ouppy. you get the picture#on a thematic level i think it's very fitting and also very cruel on my behalf that caeru-#-the guy who's entire thing is how smart he is- gets turned into an unthinking beast#who just follows commands and is essentially a walking killing machine. a tool to be pointed at others#sorry. can you tell how much i love this trope. i love trauma turning guys into fucked up creachures so much#all of this is obviously noncanon as hell but we get sooooo silly with it <3
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