#trauma informed child care

[mr-phich]

I have almost completed reading You're Only Little. An absolutely phenomenal fic about NSAP. You have brought up so much about trauma and coping skills and grounding skills. I would love to research more into these aspects because I am a teacher who works with students' with mental health challenges and trauma. I want to have the best tools for them and I love how you word things from response of the adults to Steve and Bucky. Would you ever be willing or have time to share some of the books or articles you have used for the fic. You have a wonderful story and I love what you have created and to help others feel like they aren't alone and the introspection of each main character is so special. Thank you so much 💖🌹💖🌹💖

Hi, friend!

I really appreciate you taking the time to write this. I don't have a particular source that I can point you to, unfortunately. Lots of it is from various trainings I had as a teacher and then more extensive training I had while getting my masters in social work. Plus work, now that I'm working as a therapist, and time spent as an intern working with kiddos with trauma.

I would definitely encourage you to pursue additional trainings, because we need all the teachers that we can get who are trauma informed. If you're in a place to do so, I would advocate with your admin to get some school wide trainings.

In the mean time:

A great place to start for trainings and general resources are starr commonwealth and the National Child Stress Network. Starr sometimes has sales and/or free trainings available so I would sign up for their mailing list.

A model I reference a lot for Happy Hearts is "Trauma Start" which is a headstart program in the US. You can find an overview video here.

Things like how to talk with kids with trauma -- that comes with time, and practice. Just caring and empathy go a long way. Our job with kids isn't to "fix" their feelings, it's to understand them. There are specific models for engaging with kiddos, but a lot of them are highly technical and not really necessary.

Hope this helps!! Thank you for caring so much.

[ed-recoverry]

Glass Children Info & Masterpost

Only recently being recognized as a huge trauma itself, I’ve seen nothing on Tumblr being posted about glass children. And as a glass child myself, which is a part of the reason I’ve struggled severely with mental illness, especially in my early teen years, it can be very upsetting. However, it’s still incredibly popular to view what we experience as invalid and that we should “appreciate we aren’t like them” (which is incredibly insulting to both parties and I hate hearing it). Idk if this will get any notes, but I wish someone told me what I went through is valid and a real thing and I hope maybe this will show one person the same:

Glass Child: siblings of a person with a disability. The word glass means people tend to see right through them and focus only on the person with the disability. 'Glass' is also used because the children appear strong, but in reality are not. These children have needs that are not being met.

The term was popularized and recognized in Alicia Maples’s “Recognizing Glass Children” TedTalk posted in December, 2010 in which she talks about her experience growing up with a severely Autistic brother.

It is important to acknowledge that the disabled sibling plays no role in the conditions and problems a glass child endures as they did not choose to have a disability. The conditions and problems are a product of bad parental management and being a victim of circumstances. As a child, not understanding this bigger pictures may sometimes cause a glass child to see their sibling as the problem, but it is important to stress the sibling has no part in it.

Examples of challenges glass children experience during childhood:

Severe emotional and or physical neglect from guardians

Severe pressure to be the “perfect” kid

Feeling as if you must help others before yourself

Strong anger of not having a “normal” family, but feeling shame for feeling anger.

Putting in extra effort to appear okay even when they aren’t

Taking on the tasks (both physical and or mental) that are reserved for parents

Feelings of hopelessness

Hyper-vigilance and anxiety

Feeling of being taken for granted

These experiences during childhood follow you into teenage years and adulthood.

Symptoms a glass child can show later in life:

Trauma-related mental illnesses (ex: anxiety, depression, PTSD, personality disorders, eating disorders, etc.)

Self-sabotaging or self-injurious behavior(s)

Low self esteem

Putting other’s needs before one’s own, even at their own expense

Lack of self identity or never developing their own personality

Hyper-vigilance to an inappropriate degree

Extreme sensitivity

Struggles with trust and or vocalizing feelings and needs

Difficulty in adjusting to new, unexpected situations

Avoidance of any form of conflict to the point where it has negative impacts on day to day life

Learn More:

Glass Child Syndrome And Symptoms

Glass children: The overlooked siblings of the people we treat.

What is a glass child?

How We Can All Help Glass Children

Growing Up a Glass Child

Glass Child Syndrome And Symptoms

Glass children: The lived experiences of siblings of people with a disability or chronic illness

Glass Children

At least from my experience, one of the biggest problems that follows me till this day is being extremely sensitive as to when I feel my feelings or presence is being invalidated. This is not completely my imagination however as the term “glass child” as of now has no place in the DSM-5, any dictionaries, and not even a Wikipedia page despite the years and years of studies and proof showing that the existence and damage of being a glass child is very real and a problem. I myself didn’t know about this term until a few months ago. And that was from TikTok of all places. I hope this makes at least one more person aware that we exist, we are valid, and we are not “the lucky one.” Both the disabled sibling and the glass child(s) deserve the recognition for enduring the hardships life threw at them. We both deserve it.

[sweetdreamspootypie]

turns out my role is to forget that I'm not supposed to say that I cannot care less that the patient smoked weed. A girl can self regulate however she damn well pleases. Why are you complaining to me? What are you, a cop?

[kariachi]

Sorry-not-sorry I'm back on my normal 'Kevin and Argit were so small' bullshittery.

Because they fucking were. Kevin was twelve when Servantis tossed everybody, and Argit couldn't have been far off. They were middle school aged. 'Puberty would be starting about now if we weren't wandering the Null Void and therefor likely not eating near enough' aged.

A pair of children, with minimal education, no paperwork, no homes, no guardians. Wandering the Null Void and then the Milky Way, on their own. One a prime target for the slave trade, both prime targets for adults looking to take advantage of them (*coughcoughOttocoughcough*). With only as much security as they could provide themselves and each other. Only able to rely on themselves for the basic necessities of life.

And then this show has the audacity to try to tell me that they turned to crime due to poor morality. That they're money focused because they're just naturally greedy. That they don't trust people and look out for themselves because they're bad people that either will always be bad people or will only improve because of the power of Tennysons.

What options were there for them? What jobs are there in the Null Void? What jobs are there in the galaxy that'll hire barely-teens, if even that, with no paperwork or educations, that wouldn't ruin them as badly and pay worse than the crime they already had experience with? Will keep them fed and clothed and sheltered? When one of them already has a criminal record, for violent crimes at that? When there's nobody there to stop even the 'good' adults from taking advantage of them?

The show will sit there and tell you that Kevin's violent crimes were the result of a rough childhood, but he and Argit's non-violent ones? Totally on them, no excuse, wholly a matter of greed and not giving a shit about other people. Fucking bullshit. This is a pair of kids who had to grow up way too fast, up against an existence that saw at least one of them as easy profit, with nothing but themselves and each other, and no opportunities. They're a pair of traumatized kids who grabbed the opportunities available to them with both hands and were molded by the problems they faced.

Of course they're money-focused, unlike the Tennysons they don't and haven't had anybody making sure they had enough to get by. They've had to support themselves and live with the constant worry that something is going to go pear-shaped and they'll have nothing.

They spent years with anybody and everybody being a potential threat (even between the two of them, Argit's noting that Kevin's snapping while he worked for the Rooters was the worst he'd seen 'before or since' makes it quite clear he's seen him on and passed the edge at least as much if not more than we have), of course they're going to be slow to trust, quick to toss people aside, and unwilling to help their enemies without some sort of payout, they've been burned before.

Just- Damnit these two come from some shitty fucking situations, the effects they had on them are obvious if you bother to fucking look, and they both deserved better than the series just going "oh yeah they're assholes what do you expect they're criminals" and moving the fuck on. Like, for fuck's sake at least acknowledge that they're like this because life was a fucking lead pipe to the teeth to them! We know Kevin's situation was shit even before they met, we got to see it, but even if Argit had a perfectly good life beforehand (unlikely) the earliest we see him is being held captive for illegal experimentation purposes by law enforcement! These two have been through shit! At least acknowledge it!

Fuck, they could've replaced Color of Monkey with that, hitting on the differences between how Kevin and Argit adapted to their circumstances, give us upfront the Tennysons being a safety net that let Kevin heal (rather than just 'oh the Tennysons taught him morals because they're the Good People') while Argit's issues and lack of security kept him stagnant. It would go better with what we see of him over the course of OV leading up to the Rooters arc, and what we're shown in the Rooters arc. Give us him still being far from great or on the up-and-up but improving with the stability that comes with his 'hero' status, a repairing relationship with Kevin after that arc, and a flourishing, above-board business. Rather than backpedaling on any good the writers had thrown at him like they'd realized they were coming up against a cliff.

Shit that makes you want to get the writers by the shoulders and shake them mercilessly.

[fosteringinsc]

Support Programs for Teens in Foster Care in the USA: Navigating the Journey to Independence

The teenage years are a crucial phase, marking the transition from childhood to adulthood. This period can be particularly challenging for teens in foster care in the USA, who often face unique hurdles in their journey to independence. The good news is, there are several support programs and initiatives designed specifically to aid these young individuals, offering them the resources and guidance…

[iridescentalchemyst]

Halloween 2024: Five Years of Pumpkins Part TWO

Five Years. It’s coming up on the five year anniversary since I said goodbye to my children. It’s hard to believe. It doesn’t seem right, and I’ve had to count the years out on my fingers several times. 2020. 2021. 2022. 2023… 2024. I have reflected on years past in previous posts, so if you are just tuning in, the links above will get you all caught up. This article will be long enough,…

[ex-foster]

[hamdun888]

“A young man bought your book*, and after reading it he called me and said, ‘I am going to play basketball.’ He has some developmental challenges, but understands the word ‘bully’ as he himself is a victim of bullying. I am so glad he read the book and is jumping into action. One at a time, Tom. It will make a difference.”The owner of a local bookstore …The Abbey Catholic Book Gift & Church…

[trans-axolotl]

ID: [A poster created by Sean Saifa Wall and Micah Bazant of a Black parent holding their child. They are dressed in white and almost seem to be glowing, in front of a backdrop of multicolored waves that look like DNA strands. Colorful text reads "Protect Intersex Youth."]

"A Framework for Intersex Justice

Intersex justice is medical justice. Intersex surgeries hurt everyone.

These medical violations bring immediate harm to the child who is subjected to them.

Parents who consent to medically unnecessary surgeries participate in a culture of shame, silence and stigma, perpetuated by doctors, that allows these surgeries to continue. Parents are often left to fend for themselves as they navigate shame and guilt. The issue of parents consenting to these surgeries is especially complex when societies believe that children don’t have individual rights and that parents are always acting in their best interest.

Medical practitioners such as pediatricians, obstetricians, urologists, social workers, and endocrinologists all play a role in upholding an institution that continues to harm children with intersex variations. The practitioners, in turn, are protected by hospitals and state laws that grant them immunity.

This is why intersex justice is important.

Although the framework is evolving, the following is a definition of intersex justice co-created with Dr. Mel Michelle Lewis (they>she), an Associate Professor of Gender/Sexuality in Studio and Humanistic Studies at Maryland Institute College of Art: Intersex justice is a decolonizing framework that affirms the labor of intersex people of color fighting for change across social justice movements. By definition, intersex justice affirms bodily integrity and bodily autonomy as the practice of liberation. Intersex justice is intrinsically tied to justice movements that center race, ability, gender identity & expression, migrant status, and access to sexual & reproductive healthcare. Intersex justice articulates a commitment to these movements as central to its intersectional analysis and praxis. Intersex justice acknowledges the trauma caused by medically unnecessary and nonconsensual cosmetic genital surgeries and addresses the culture of shame, silence and stigma surrounding intersex variations that perpetuate further harm.

The marginalization of intersex people is rooted in colonization and white supremacy. Colonization created a taxonomy of human bodies that privileged typical white male and female bodies, prescribing a gender binary that would ultimately harm atypical black and indigenous bodies. As part of a liberation movement, intersex activists challenge not only the medical establishment, which is often the initial site of harm, but also governments, institutions, legal structures, and sociocultural norms that exclude intersex people. Intersex people should be allowed complete and uninhibited access to obtaining identity documents, exercising their birth and adoption rights, receiving unbiased healthcare, and securing education and employment opportunities that are free from harm and harassment. This framework serves a radical vision where intersex children are protected and survivors of genital cutting are cared for and respected. We owe that to intersex people and we owe that to ourselves.

The implementation of an intersex justice framework should include the following components: 1. Informed consent 2. Reparations 3. Legal protections 4. Accountability 5. Language 6. Children's rights 7. Patient-centered healthcare."

-Intersex Justice Project, founded by Sean Saifa Wall, Lynnell Stephani Long, and Pidgeon Pagonis.

[onskepa]

Hi! I was just wondering how would Spider be like with Little Mama? Would Neytiri see Spider differently as well as she has a human mate?

Helloooooooooo! So I am going to make this a part 2 of Pinnacle motherhood. I be breaking my own rules on this but it still counts as a mother's day special. So sit back, relax and enjoy!

Pinnacle motherhood

------------------

Pinnacle Protection

It is a well known fact that small mama will care for any child. No matter who or what. Spider Soccorro is no different. 

When she first met spider as a baby, she thought he was cute. His little chubby cheeks, wide innocent eyes, bright smile. A little angel. 

When she learned who his parents were, especially his father. Things slightly shifted. Once the information reached Jake and neytiri, opinions and sides were formed. 

Neytiri began to hate spider from the start once she learned of his blood lineage. Wouldn't listen to reason, wouldn't care to see anything beyond the demon that ruined everything. All she ever saw in spider was his father. Which began to cause some problems. 

So small mama did something she thought she would never do behind her mates. Hide a secret. What is that secret? Visiting baby spider as often as she can, almost every day. When she isn't needed, or when neytiri has it covered on the children, small mama would make some excuse to leave and see spider. 

The more time she spends with spider, the more in love small mama gets. Spider has seen her enough times that he gets so excited to see her, hear her voice. Would shriek and shout, wiggling around to get her attention. 

In spiders mind, small mama is his real mama. Would at times accidently call her “mama”. Small mama wouldn't dare to correct him. Why would she? Spider needs someone to look after him constantly, the other humans are too busy to properly care for a child. 

So she unofficially adopts spider. Though she knows that at some point, small mama will have to tell her two mates. That is something she dreads, unsure how they will react to such news. Especially neytiri. 

When the secret was revealed, there were many things small mama was prepared for. Neytiri remaining silent for days was something small mama was not prepared for. Not even jake. 

After long weeks of silence from neytiri, she demanded some private talk with small mama.

On purpose small mama would bring spider with her. 

They would talk, disputes and all the common things that would happen. But by the power of spider’s cuteness and small mama’s  wise words, neytiri had come to accept spider. 

With time and patience, small mama made sure to close the gap between the two, in giving spider the love and the family he deserved, and helping neytiri overcome her fears and trauma. 

As spider grows, the dynamic changes. 

Despite the other sully siblings being close to their small mama, spider holds small mama in a specific spot in his heart. 

Yes spider loves his two other parents. Jake is a wonderful dad, the best he could ever have. Neytiri is strong, strict yet shows her way of showing love to him. Small mama is the one who understands him on a human level. 

Spider sees himself as the ultimate small mama protector. He proves himself time and time again. Yes it makes his other siblings be a bit jealous but haters are gonna hate. 

Small mama love spider as much as she loves the rest of her children. She has no favorites. It is just that each child needs different kinds of affection, love, affirmation, and so on. 

Spider is the type who needs constant praise, hugs, and physical love. He is confident in his skills, but it is good to have his family back him up in positive ways. 

The times neytiri and jake spend alone time with spider, small mama cant help but feel happy and proud at seeing how far they have come along. Spider is a sully through and through. And to hell with it, small mama will make sure spider knows every damn day.

Aaaaaaaaaaand that is it for this one! Hope you all enjoyed it! Until next time! See ya!

[extremely-judgemental]

How convenient Feyre doesn't have a single memory or glimpse of how Rhysand abused her for two months though she was drugged but her memories weren't taken away. Her body doesn't recognise his touch as danger and isn't repulsed by him. Her trauma hasn't left a mark on her mind and body.

How convenient Feyre's PTSD is about being locked up in a cell and not the man who tortured and broke her hand forcing her into a bargain. Her nightmares are filled with the creatures that abused her once and threatened to spit roast her but not of the man who touched her and kissed her without consent and paraded her naked.

How convenient Feyre goes back to using sex as a crutch with Tamlin and later with Rhysand when it was the very thing that was used against her UtM. Her body readily wants a man's touch right after her rebirth.

How convenient Lucien is the only source of information who told Feyre what was done to her. He is also the most considerate and sweetest friend she ever had. He could have withheld some of that trauma to spare her the humiliation and heartbreak.

How convenient Feyre and Tamlin agreed never to speak of what happened UtM. Feyre doesn't understand how Tamlin's rage extends beyond his possessiveness. For her to turn a blind eye and blame him when they won't even talk about it.

How convenient every HL wants to hold Rhysand accountable for the very things he explicitly claimed to be remorseful of (Winter children massacre) and not the other atrocities he participated or committed in the fifty (or 500) years.

How convenient the HLs are polite enough to not ask Feyre how she forgave Rhysand after he SA'd her every night and willingly plays his whore whenever he wants.

How convenient the HLs don't ask if Feyre is also being mind controlled by Rhysand when he proved his strength by taking over Tamlin's mind in front of everyone.

How convenient every HL forgive Rhysand and Feyre for every mistake they ever made and make compromises throughout but never expect anything in return. How convenient mere 'sorry' always seems to be enough when their courts are suffering because of IC.

How convenient Tamlin insults Feyre but doesn't ask how she accepted her abuser as her mate when she accuses him of the same (sometimes worse) too.

How convenient Lucien is so charmed by the beauty of Velaris that he understands why Feyre left Spring for it but doesn't hold a grudge for what she did to his home.

How convenient Nesta, who's been SA'd twice, never finds out her baby sister also went through the same and is in love with the perpetrator. She never finds out the baby she saved is the child of Feyre's abuser.

How convenient Rhysand and Feyre agreed to deal with their trauma in secrecy. No one in Velaris ever finds out what truly happened UtM.

How convenient 'We save abused priestesses together' Morrigan or 'Careful how you speak about my High Lady' Azriel or 'No male better than Rhys' Cassian never find out how Rhysand hurt Feyre.

How convenient Rhysand himself was SA'd over and over again and so it's all fine to do the same to Feyre.

How convenient what happened UtM stays UtM.

How fucking convenient.

[kindaasrikal]

Morro and Garmadon are both in the Departed realm, why haven’t we used this information as stupidly as we could.

Part 2

Morro: so…Your son-

Garmadon: one more word, and I will break my vow of peace.

Morro:

Morro: he kinda stunk.

Garmadon: *swings*

Garmadon: Isn’t it funny, how at one point in time, you thought you were destined to be the guy to defeat me?

Morro: *laying face down on the ground after losing another sparring match, is tempted to blast Garmadon*

Garmadon: hilarious, isn’t it? Ninjago would’ve been very protected.

Garmadon: *is trying to teach Morro about accepting change* change is nothing to be afraid of. Sure, it can be shocking, like the first time i grew four arms, but-

Morro: what.

Garmadon: it doesn’t-…yes?

Morro: say that part again.

Garmadon: change is nothing to be afraid of?

Morro: No, the other thing.

Garmadon:…it can be shocking?-

Morro: No. The other other thing.

Garmadon: Oh, you mean when i said Wu was you’re-

Morro: NO- the OTHER OTHER OTHER, thing!

Garmadon: when i had four arms?

Morro: YES! What do you MEAN you had four arms???

Garmadon: exactly what it implies, i had four arms.

Morro:

Morro: does that mean you technically classify as an insect

Garmadon: What.

Morro: did you know-

Garmadon: Morro, I am thousands of years old. Whatever you try to tell me, I probably already know of.

Morro: oh.

Morro: damn, i guess i didn’t need to tell you Lloyd died and visited your dad.

Garmadon: WHAT-

Morro: oh yeah, you must already know that the water ninja became water too, right?

Garmadon: What do you even MEAN BY THAT-

Morro: and that Wu apparently just died too, huh?

Garmadon: HE DID WHAT

Morro: he did death, apparently.

Garmadon: for today’s session, I was hoping to discuss some past traumas with you.

Morro: no. I don’t have trauma.

Garmadon: Morro, everyone has trauma.

Morro: well, I don’t.

Garmadon: Child, just because you call your past experiences ‘character development’ does not mean they weren’t traumas.

Morro: hey, old man.

Garmadon:

Morro: heyyy, you four armed loser.

Garmadon:

Morro: Garmadon! Stop ignoring me dammit!

Garmadon:

Morro: ugh- you- SENSEI!

Garmadon:

Morro: oh for the love of- I am NOT calling you… That.

Garmadon: *turns away*

Morro: dammit-it’s important!

Garmadon: *begins to walk away*

Morro: oh, you- you petty old man- UNCLE.

Garmadon: *turns around with a smile* yes?

Morro: I hope you get resurrected and die again.

A good half of these are rlly bad but i found it fun so let me off this once 😭

Anyways, they have a love hate relationship with the hate coming from Morro, the care coming from Garmadon, who tbh just wants to uncle Wu’s kid the same way Wu did his own (after managing his own annoyance at Morro after what happened)

Garmadon likes bullying Morro, Morro likes mocking Garmadon. Thats their relationship.

[fosteringinsc]

Educational Resources for Foster Teens in America: Bridging the Gap to Success

Educational Resources for Foster Teens in America: Bridging the Gap to Success. Education is a cornerstone of success and personal development, but for foster teens in America, accessing quality educational resources can be a significant challenge. In this blog post, we will explore the range of educational resources available to foster teens in America, understanding their importance and how…

[ex-foster]

[storiumemporium]

Astarion As a Father

Fem!Tav/Reader

I FINALLY GOT A NEW KEYBOARD WITH FULLY FUNCTIONING KEYS LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I elected to write about something that's been giving me brainworms for ages, because I'd been talking about it with someone on here awhile ago and it just infested me. Astarion finding out you're pregnant and how he handles fatherhood. (Or, in this case, doesn't at first.) This isn't my best work but I blame it on the fact that I didn't intend for it to be THIS FUCKING LONG okay 😭

But without further ado, daddy Astarion:

Finding out:

When it comes to children, I think Astarion hasn't put much thought into it beyond 'me!? ABSOLUTELY NOT—'

He has no illusions about his state of mind and his faculties, you see. Astarion knows that he's fucked up, he knows that he's a problem, and he's only entirely too confident that any child unfortunately put under his care would likely end up just as damaged as he is, were they to miraculously make it to adulthood. He's just not equipped for it.

And, frankly, Astarion isn't even aware he can have children... That's just, not something he ever thought to question. He's undead, is he not? That should take care of the...fertility question.

Shouldn't it?

Truth be told, Cazador never told him of the possibilities because it was never meant to be a possibility. Astarion was too malnourished, his victims too short lived for anything to ever have come of it. He was supposed to die a sacrifice, not live to carry his own bloodline (hah) onward.

Were you to ever ask him about it, even jokingly over dinner one eve, he'd be very firm in the fact that it's a terrible idea and he'd be entirely unequipped. He would even go so far as to say he's the worst choice out of all of your past companions.

"Me? No. Absolutely not. I'm sure whatever little devil you managed to cook up would be the most charming child Baldur's Gate has ever seen... But even that magical explosive that fancied himself a God would be better suited to fatherhood, darling. I am built for luxury and adventure, nothing else." All bookended by typical Astarion preening.

So when the day comes and you inform him of the little life growing in your womb?

Nope. Not happening, not even a chance of happening.

The denial is strong with this one.

And when I say denial, I mean that Astarion well and truly blots out what you've said from his mind, as if it simply didn't happen at all. You never had the conversation, you never dropped the revelation, there is no child, he is not becoming a father.

It's not a lack of want— though he doesn't realize that yet— it's true, blinding terror. Before it was just a joke, just something for him to brush off with commentary about how terribly he'd do as a parent, better the uncle than anything else. But now it's a reality and to accept what you've said is to accept that he might well and truly destroy a child. But not just any, yours.

The traumas Astarion possesses heap onto his shoulders and slough off plentiful enough to make new oceans of it. Now, not only is he just beginning to regain his own autonomy, he's supposedly being given responsibility over a brand new life?

(It would only make sense for Astarion in retrospect, that the life you willingly sacrificed to nourish and nurture him would in turn allow him to grow a new life within you. The fool had just been too blind to consider it: The way, fresh off your blood, he could pull back from the delicate column of your throat and you would find his cheeks and ears and chest flushed with the loveliest shade of pink, eyes wide and soft and alive. The way his entire body would warm, going from corpse frigid to something just beneath normal. The way his once-still heart would slowly beat again.

He'd even asked you once- curled together on a familiar silken bed, foreheads touching and your hands clasped together between your chests- if you knew what it felt like to be so, so hungry that all you could even think about was about badly you wanted to eat? How food sounded so good that the desire became crossed and instead felt even more painful and nauseating? How it consumed your ability to make rational decisions, denied you the capacity to control your emotions?

He'd told you then, voice tender and timid and weak, that he'd felt like that every single day for two whole centuries, until the night you'd willingly laid down on that cot and put your life in his hands.

It was so simple really, of course you granted him the strength to create life. It was you.)

And of course it comes to a head before there is any chance at recovery. Your body begins to show the changes, you begin to swell, and Astarion only grows more avoidant and flighty. Because now he can't simply wipe the idea from his mind and continue on as if the child doesn't exist, the proof is there every single time he looks at you. He makes it very clear to you that he will not be returning to your side without a confrontation, a very potentially ugly one at that.

And ugly it is, explosive. Astarion hasn't truly had the time to recover from his life under Cazador, and all of those protective traits he grew remain sharp as ever, returning to the surface as if they'd never truly gone away to begin with. He sneers and hisses, tries his best to dig in and hurt you enough to stop poking his tender wounds. Enough to push you away so he can lick his wounds back open. He'll go so far as to accuse you of infidelity, though he regrets the words the moment they leave his lips, it's easier for him to imagine that you simply grew tired of him, that you were weary and longed for the daylight. That you wanted someone who could hold you beneath the sun, unlike him.

How you respond to this is entirely up to you, but just shy of throwing something truly despicable back into his face, such as Cazador, Astarion will apologize... eventually. If you remain stalwart and patient, if you have it in you to recognize that he doesn't mean his words, that he's barbing you with intent, Astarion will break down in that very same argument, his angry and accusatory rant will dissolve into an admission of deep insecurity and deeper terror.

But if you respond with anger? Justifiable, and Astarion knows that even in the moment as it's happening, but emotions rule him far more than he'd ever care to admit, and he will dig in and relish the reaction he's managed to draw from you. He will bristle and bite back until suspicion and bitterness fully claims his heart, and he aborts the conversation to hide in the shadows.

Astarion will wait until nightfall, until his freedom calls for him. The one thing that always manages to clear his head, even when you prove to be the cause of his muddying. It's a reminder, every time he steps into the cool and dark of Baldur's Gate, that Cazador is dead and he is a free man. That he can go where he chooses and when he chooses to, and not only that no one can stop him, but that you wouldn't even want to stop him.

And that truth is always what brings Astarion home.

Under the distant lonely stars and that cold moon, he has to remember that time and again you have let him. You have accepted him, you have not fought him on anything shy of a horrible mistake he wanted to make in a moment of weakness and hysteria. You have accepted all his deepest and ugliest wounds and kissed them like they were freckles to pour affection on. You fought Cazador for him, you defended him from your own friends. You even- at times- tested your own morals for him.

You wouldn't betray him, and Astarion knows he can't betray you.

Astarion would return to you late, curling into bed at your side, his eyes would not meet you, and his apology would come in the form of a simple confession. "I am... afraid. I am afraid."

Astarion wouldn't blame you if you don't forgive him immediately for his transgressions, he was cruel and you were vulnerable. But even then you'll find that your love doesn't abandon you again. He accepts- however frightened- that what you've said is true and is coming, and he must accept it. Mind you, it won't be perfect and it won't be romantic. Astarion doesn't know the intricacies of handling a pregnant woman, he's hardly tactful beyond his well honed and flirtatious lines. He genuinely loves you, but he's going to come pre-equipped as father material.

You need something? He'll get it with minimal complaint (but never none, you'd sooner get him to dye his hair black than cease complaining for the sake of it), he won't begrudge you your mood swings though he might be inclined to poke fun at you ever so often. And he will panic when you burst into tears for seemingly no reason, and no- time doesn't make him adjust, he will panic just as much the thousandth time as the first.

However, if it's any consolation. The moment your child enters the world, Astarion is a changed man.

When You Go Into Labor:

Astarion did the honors of informing all of your friends about your pregnancy, once he came to terms with it. And believe me when I say it is extravagant. The stationery and grandiose script that Astarion wields when informing everyone that you were expecting better fits a wedding invitation than it does... well. Very elegantly explaining that Astarion had accidentally knocked you up.

You can tell from the splotchy stains addressed to you from Wyll and Karlach that one of them had been crying when penning the message, Astarion has coin on Wyll, and you on Karlach. Lae'zel never responds to begin with and you know for a fact the Githyanki's response will likely come in the form of her simply showing up one of these days, unprompted. Jaheira personally and rather frequently visits as well, she becomes a sort of bastion as nerves take you over, confident and calm as she is. Halsin's "letter" arrives late, rather because alongside his letter is several little carved animals for the child's room, and mentions of a quilt he intends to bring along when next he visits. Shadowheart's letter, while congratulatory, contains an air of interrogation strung all about it, all aimed with pinpoint precision at the man responsible for your pregnancy and dripping with sarcasm.

Gale's letter is seven pages long, comes with a violet hued wax stamp, and multiple different inks in the most lavish hand he can manage. You daresay he's competing with Astarion. However, surprisingly, Gale's seems to be the most... helpful of them all? It wasn't your intent, you simply wanted your dear friend to join you in celebration, and yet Gale goes on to inform you that upon reading the letter he'd become a madman in pursuit of knowledge on pregnancy and giving birth. He admits that this wasn't a particularly fruitful endeavor, as he's rather confident that you're not a gnoll, troll, cambion, succubus, or any other variety of strange creature with strange metrics of procreation. Still, Gale directs the latter portion of his letter to Astarion quite pointedly, informing him of bookshops around Baldur's Gate where he might have more success.

Astarion scoffs, but you don't miss the way his fingers twitch and flex.

After the hilarity of this is resolved and you just begin to believe that peace might return to your soft little home in the city, the first of your companions begin to arrive.

This continues on for the next week or so, without you ever knowing that this had been planned- and without knowing that Astarion had been the one to plan it. It's a furthering of his apology, of his guilt over the way he'd treated you. Again, Astarion has no illusions of the kind of man he is, and the fact he's not nurturing in the sort of ways that you need- but he's not completely stupid and he knows you're scared. So... bring the cavalry, darling.

Eventually your entire home has become a crash pad for all of your dearest friends, your family, and you only grow suspicious of Astarion's hand in this chaos because he's surprisingly amicable to having his peace so thoroughly disturbed by 'everyone and their mother'. Truly, he manages to bite his tongue some of the time about them trampling his fine rugs and scratching the plates. He even seems... wistful about it. As nostalgic as you openly are at seeing all of these beloved people under one roof again.

Nights are filled with raucous laughter, clattering utensils, a table so thoroughly overcrowded that people are playfully shouldering each other out of the way for a chance to get at their own food. And Astarion stays faithful at your side, his hand perpetually clasped gently around yours, thumb rubbing over your knuckles. Days are never spent alone, no matter what it is you need to do, someone (if not everyone) is following you along. And though Astarion feels his heart ache that he can't join you, he'll be glad to know you're safe.

Besides, your companions are likely all taking turns tormenting, testing, and relentlessly teasing him about what is to come. He has his own hands full. He's starting to regret being such a generous lover.

And then your water breaks in the dead of night.

Remember how I said Astarion was far from perfect? This would be one of those moments that it really shines.

Not that he's particularly terrible, no. He's not actively cruel toward you, and certainly not dismissive, it's somewhat the opposite. Halsin and Jaheira end up the ones helping you, the only two with some iota of understanding on what was happening and what to do with and for you. The others, less experienced in "mundane" medical situations will take up the second most important role.

Prevent Astarion from catastrophizing any more than he already has been.

Karlach has been the sole force capable of keeping Astarion away from the wine, typically bear hugging him away from your cellar while Wyll tries his best to talk your lover down from a total nervous breakdown. Of which he nearly has, several times. It's not even the sight of you, specifically. He's okay with being at your side and holding your hand, in trying his best to provide comforting words that aren't laced with sarcasm for once. But the sounds you make, that's what breaks him. Astarion isn't good at hearing you scream from the pain, he isn't good at the choked sobs or your heavy breaths. The way you sound like you're struggling against death. It makes him want to crawl out of his own skin, fight assailants that aren't there.

And for a few hours there, in the midst of your labors and your exhausted, pained little cries, Astarion isn't sure how he can love the child causing you this much suffering. It's not as if Astarion was an altruistic man on his best days, as if he were particularly reasonable when it came to you. You've both come to a mutual understanding that were something to happen to you, no morals would be involved in the things Astarion would do to rectify it.

And now, here you are, suffering. Astarion isn't supposed to do a thing about it? He's supposed to be- what, overjoyed by it? It infuriates him, he's truly prepared to have a grudge match with an infant.

Until, as the sun is starting to creep up on a brand new day, it's no longer your screams that meet the air, but another's entirely. Tiny but powerful, high pitched little squeals of fury and distress. And your laughter, disbelieving, soft, adoring already.

Astarion has a daughter.

I go with the HC that Astarion had eyes like honey once, and that his daughter takes after that, along with the delicate points of his ears mirrored in her own. She's small, so small, but healthy and already feisty, wiggling as best as her tiny body can whilst still too heavy for her to lift and move.

You're the first to hold her of course, and Astarion will be at his knees beside the two of you. The expression he wears is something you've seen maybe two or three other times in the entire time you've known him- moments when you know he expected everything to fall apart, moments where he couldn't believe that the world was so good.

It's then that you can breathe for the first time, and know that both of your darlings will be just fine.

Once he does hold her, he's not inclined to let her go. Even once you ask to have her back, he'll simply move you into his lap, so that he can hold you both. It's better that way anyhow, having both of his girls in his arms. And Astarion will repeat again and again how stunned he is, he just can't believe it. Cannot fathom any of it. I think he's the type to say that he's speechless and then spend the next five minutes doing nothing but talking. It's nervous rambling, but still, speechless is not the term I would use to describe him here.

Astarion With Your Baby:

Once your little darling is actually in your lives, you get to see how hilariously unorthodox Astarion is with children. Especially his own. Astarion doesn't baby-talk like you or the rest of your companions, he speaks in the same exact tones as he would a grown woman. In fact, for the first few days you're adjusting to a child in your life, you sometimes mistake Astarion as speaking with an unexpected guest, only to round the corner and find him lightheartedly chastising his own daughter for her poor nappy conduct as he wrinkles his nose and changes her diaper.

He's disgusted by that, by the way. Absolutely hates it, complains loudly about having to do it. But if you so much as try to stand to help he'll force you back down onto your chair or the couch, something something not useless something something already up, darling. It's as if Astarion is simply allergic to admitting that while it makes him nauseous, he wants to care for his daughter. He wants you to rest.

And yes, Astarion is the type of father that thinks all other children are hideous little fecal beasts and his daughter is the only gorgeous little angel in the entire world. Perfect, can do no wrong. He tells her as such too, in the same deadpan voice he always uses, wiggling and stretching her legs.

"You know, darling. You should count your blessings, you're the only child I've ever seen that doesn't look like some sort of hideous, deformed bean. I can't be surprised though, with as gorgeous as your parents are." And though he rolls his eyes, he's unable to contain the grin that shows his teeth when she coos and squeaks at the sound of his voice.

And yes. Astarion dresses up with his child.

The older she gets the more he does it, little matching outfits and ribbons. Nothing that she would choke on, were she to get her mitts on it. (You had to be the one to tell him no, at first. He did throw a little fit about it, just a small one).

But it's not all lighthearted, good or bad.

There are times where Astarion won't touch your daughter, won't be alone with her in the same room. He fears it, he'll eventually tell you. His... affliction came with it's dangers, always. But he's always trusted that you could defend yourself, and you're big enough that he can't just kill you between one blink and the next. The same can't be said of your darling girl. She's so small and so fragile that, were he to lose even the slightest grip of himself around her, it could cost her her life. No doubt it would traumatize her for life, regardless.

You watch it, too. The way it pinches his brows and makes him wipe his palms against his pants as if he were sweating. Nervous habits creeping up his throat and causing him to pace about like a caged animal. It's during these times that you have to bring your daughter to him. Gently place her in his arms and remind him that he's loved her from the moment he saw her. And where once he held trepidation and queasiness at the prospect of fatherhood, you can see him care so much about this little bundle that he looks sick from it. A vulnerability he can't mask.

And of course, there are times he nearly weeps for other reasons.

Like when she takes her first steps, and immediately tries to run for him.

And Astarion knows he should let her tumble, that it's good to let her fall and get back up again, but the moment her unsteady feet cause her to careen she's safe in his arms. Little kisses peppered against her giggly face. And he'll tuck away against her to try and get his bearings back, but she'll pat his cheeks and tug his ears- and you'll have to distract her with a toy while he hiccups and sniffles down his need to cry. He wasn't ready for her to grow so fast, gone is the tiny bundle that could fit perfectly in one arm, now she's walking. How long before she's dating? Gods, should he be preparing for betrothal requests!?

"I want to be mortal." He whispers to you, one night. She's tucked between your bodies, sound asleep and wiggling from time to time. This is one of the rare moments you and your love can speak to each other uninterrupted, in the tranquility of the dark hugging around you.

It's strange that he brings this up now, you'd spoken about it several times since the Elder Brain had been taken down... But in the past few years since your daughter had been born, all of that had fallen to the wayside. "What brings this to mind, Starling?"

Your hand comes to cup his throat, as you watch and feel him work as if he were swallowing a stone. "I don't want to outlive this."

It's hard to blink the tears from your eyes, understanding the implications.

Were he actually two hundred years old, Astarion wouldn't survive well past the existence of his sweet little family.

He'd been more melancholy the past few weeks, after realizing that your daughter was beginning to function on her own. She was walking, grabbing things, talking in rudimentary sentences. She was even beginning to call him pa.

He'd cried, at that.

"I'll forget," his voice draws you out from that brief reverie. The distress is palpable, but runs low like the tide before a storm. "I'll forget all of this. I don't want to know what I'll become, then."

And when you run your hands up into his hair, to scratch lovingly along his scalp, he doesn't hide the shiver or the way his face presses against your palm, cold and smooth on your skin.

"We'll find a way, Astarion. I haven't given up yet... We just- she's too young."

It's both a strain and a relief, to know that. To be reminded that your daughter is still so small, that he won't be losing her- or you- any time soon. There's still time.

Astarion With Your Teen:

Arguably this is the best time between your daughter and him. It's simultaneously a surprise and yet- not at all? He's more like her confidante and best friend than strictly a father. He isn't one for harsh curfews and strict ways of dress- rather, he's the one she comes to when she's made some sort of mistake. Or when she's angry about something.

In general, Astarion withholds judgement of her, for better or worse. The unintended consequence is that you might become more of her enemy than Astarion, because he's less inclined to punish for questionable behaviors.

It's not that he's afraid of angering her or dealing with push back- rather that Astarion's frame of reference for what constitutes a mistake is ah... rather broken. Even in the beginnings of your relationship with Astarion, the mistakes that would anger him constituted dropping an entire building on his head or... risking being turned into a Mindflayer to help some old lady find her cat.

Not feeling up cute boys in alleyways.

As a result you'll likely need to have a few conversations with him about not being so lenient on her, because she needs to have structure in how to behave. Stealing things is in fact, not okay! And Astarion will listen, but he's always going to be a bit more of a friend than anything else.

A total gossip with her, too. You'll catch them huddled around the dinner table at night, both with a glass of wine (this was an argument that Astarion ended up winning, she's allowed one glass a week, but that's all!) in hand shittalking a storm together. Astarion has become the Baldur's Gate equivalent of a PTA mom, he shows up as stylishly as he can and beefs with the parents of whichever children have upset his daughter the most. And then when they get home they just toss it back and forth together.

But I want to stress, just because he doesn't punish her doesn't mean he isn't protective of her. Astarion is more protective than you are.

Once she begins dating you'll find yourself home alone semi-frequently, because Astarion will play the supportive, loving father part when she leaves- and immediately follow her out into the dark. He's had centuries to know what dangers lurk around every corner, and foggy memories of simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time before his nightmare began. He won't allow that to happen with his girl.

And it's funny, because Astarion will talk mad shit to himself while he does it. Logically he knows that she's with some teenage boy or girl, but it doesn't stop the petty, emotional side of him from rolling his eyes and sneering at the cheap one-liners and the dumb tactics that this would-be charmer utilizes. Really, taking her into dark alleys to get her to tuck into you? Going to a totally secret spot that Astarion has known about for at least a hundred and sixty years? Get real, kid.

And you have to try valiantly not to laugh when he comes home, huffing and puffing about it. Because you will hear every single petty thought he had the entire time, and you will know that he looks like a petulant child. It's very cute.

All in all, I think Astarion is a reckless, chaotic, petty father. And one that loves his child so, so much. To the point of ruin, to the point where suddenly staying in one place doesn't seem so bad, just so she can have friends. Helping people isn't the worst, just so she can know there are heroes in the world. Suddenly he's learning to bandage scrapes and kiss bruises, and having tears and snot on his clothes mean nothing compared to the grief of the one shedding them. He loves her in ways he didn't anticipate he ever could. Enough to know all of her ticks and secrets, to know when she's lying through her teeth and when she's being devastatingly obvious.

Learning to cook even when he can't eat, listening to her spin a story with a straight face and then- as she's stepping out the door- telling her to be careful with that boy and listening to her groan loudly as the door slams shut, a mischievous smile on his face.

Holding you and dancing you around, cradling you close with all the tenderness he has in the whole of his body and soul. Kissing you, calling you the mother of his child, thanking you for giving him something he didn't even know he'd wanted. A family.

Small and odd, but his.