#transphobia in the trans community

[answersfromzestual]

My friend is trans (ftm) and I am trans (ftm), and he won't accept me? I told him about a month before I really decided to start transitioning that I feel like I can't be a girl, and that I'm probably transmasc, and he was pretty excited to have a trans friend like himself, but after I did a more official coming out to our friend group, he was the only one who did not support me, and was pretty angry at me. I asked him did something happened and why did he change his mind, and he told me that he can't see me as a guy, and that I don't deserve it and not worthy of calling myself a man. I understand that for other people it can be hard to start seing you differently, especially then they knew me as a girl for a lot of time, but I don't understand him and I'm hurt. He said that "he is grieving the "me" he knew" but that is such a weird statement. He also said that the reason I can't be a guy is because I am "too hysterical like a woman". I don't understand him, and I feel betrayed :( Why would he say something like that? Does he sees me as a rival now, or something like this??

Wow...

There is a lot to unpack here. First off, you are valid, you really have these feelings.

Secondly I'm terribly sorry about your friend going from supportive to spiteful, by the sounds of it.

If you don't mind can I ask if you have a more "masculine" quality than him? Are you taller, is your face more passable than his? Did your other friends respond to you coming out better?

This sounds like it's almost a jealousy issue and a lot of resentment.

There may be a little bit of "well I came out then a month later _____ comes out?!" Can be contributing to his feelings.

Does your friend tend to need attention more than you? Just in general. Are they louder? Do they always have to make things about themselves? If so, you could be "stealing his spotlight".

It seems this all stems from when you came out to your friends...

I have a thought about the mourning part of your ask. Don't put money on it, but I think they may have a crush on the "female" you used to be. I have a feeling they may have finally seen themselves as straight maybe and maybe their goal was to maybe ask you out, but now you are transitioning. The mourning and the almost telling you not to transition just kind of makes me think that. I apologize if this is out of line, it's just a hunch I have from the information you have given me. If this is not the case he is a jealous, hypocrite in my honest opinion.

You deserve respect, consideration, and love.

There are many layers to your friend's response, and it's more than likely not one particular thing, but a mix of many emotions and feelings.

This person does not determine your worth. I want you to know that this person doesn't seem like someone you should remain friends with. You can be civil with your friend group, but you don't need to be friends.

I am incredibly sorry this happened to you. This is actually an example of transphobia inside the trans community. It's really not acceptable.

If this person tries to say anything negative about your transition, ask them what their issue(s) are with it. Maybe you can talk about it out together and salvage the friendship.

If they won't answer you or refuse to explain their feelings, you can tell them that they do not run your life, they do not know what's in your head, they do not know how you feel. Tell them saying this is way out of line and extremely inappropriate things to say to someone you consider a friend.

I'm sorry I can't say much more...

I'm sure maybe someone here can add some of their thoughts and advice as well.

I hope that you find comfort and feel the love here.

Remember you need to make you happy, you are your number one priority. Unless he is going to start to pay for your treatments his words are just arrogant and really cruel.

You are loved, and seen here.

I am sorry I took so long to answer this, it was a very deep ask, with many layers to consider.

I hope maybe this can help you out.

With much love,

Zestual ❤️💙

[agendercryptidlev]

We need to talk more about the transmasculine suicide rate.

There's a common saying that every transgender suicide is a murder, because it is the lack of acceptance in society that leads transgender individuals to commit suicide at such a high rate, this is true of trans men who have the highest suicide rate across all gender identities:

[image ID: a stylized graph depicting the percentages of considering & attempted suicide for different gender experiences.

Cisgender boy/man: 28% considered suicide, 8% attempted suicide

Cisgender girl/woman: 37% considered suicide, 10% attempted suicide

Transgender boy/man: 59% considered suicide, 22% attempted suicide

Transgender girl/woman: 48% considered suicide, 12% attempted suicide

Nonbinary/genderqueer: 53% considered suicide, 19% attempted suicide

Questioning: 48% considered suicide, 14% attempted suicide

end ID] ID by @tstomboy

Trans men are not receiving the support they need, and many of them are not surviving because of this. We need to make sure that mental health support and suicide for transgender individuals is as inclusive as possible for these transgender men who are at the highest risk.

We need to ensure trans men feel safe and welcome within the queer community as isolation is one of the more exacerbating factors on one's mental health. We need to make sure resources for victims of sexual violence are inclusive of transmasculine individuals, who face the highest rate of sexual abuse and yet often have to recloset themselves to find support. We have to love trans men because society shows them nothing but hate.

Check in with the trans men in your community, you may just save a life.

[nightmarish-fallen-angel]

There's something especially biting about people telling transmascs specifically to unpack their misogyny.

After so long of being yelled at or berated by my mother. Looked at with disgust for not shaving my legs and yelled at when I cut my hair, guilt tripped into wearing makeup, and being told any masculine dress was "not socially acceptable." All things that actively hurt gnc women as well as trans people. All things that are misogynistic to imply women have to do.

Every time I try to come out as trans: "I wish you weren't ashamed of your femininity, I'm so heartbroken that you hate women. You're only trying to become a man because you think women are inferior." Following it up with a "why can't you express yourself as you are and just be a gnc woman..." As if she didn't just mock me for those exact traits.

My mother, and by extension TERFs (as my mother is one), constantly imply that the only reason transmasculine people exist is because they are poor little girls who struggle with internalized misogyny. They need to embrace being the gnc women they truly are~ And the gnc women need to fix their internalized misogyny by being more feminine~

So imagine my frustration when the communities I assume to be safe for trans people (both irl and online) hit me with the "transmascs need to unpack their misogyny :/" "a surprising number of transmascs are misogynistic actually :/"

Everyone needs to unpack their misogyny dipshit. The fact that transmascs are singled out specifically leads me to conclude one (or both) of two things:

You have encountered a shitty transmasc person and have taken it upon yourself to decide that the entire transmasc community is like that. I'm not saying misogynistic transmascs don't exist, but if you see someone with a bigoted worldview and go "well this is indicative of the entire community" you are the problem.

You think transmascs are misogynistic for getting gender dysphoria around things that are feminine or conversely, they are misogynistic for getting euphoria around masculinity. This is just straight up punishing trans people for being true to themselves.

Both of these are transphobic arguments and are common TERF tactics to discredit trans people. I do not trust you if you hold the opinion that misogyny is more prevalent in transmasculine spaces than in society at large.

[shamebats]

If you only ever mention trans mascs & men in relation to misogyny when you want to talk about how we're capable of being misogynistic (which wow you've discovered that afab people can be sexist? good job, I learned that at like 11 probably but I'm glad you got there eventually) and never in terms of how we're affected & harmed by it, how it puts us at risk of being sexually abused & exploited by family members, partners & in workplaces, forcefully detransitioned, forced into unwanted pregnancies, murdered etc, then I don't trust you and don't consider you an ally to trans people btw

[gremlingirlsmell]

Yea, I'm pro TransUnity™.

I would like a united community! But to accomplish that you don't shut down anyone talking about intra-community issues and saying we "divide the community" or are "playing opression olympics". Rather, you need to listen.

Listen to transmisogyny-affected people about intracommunity transmisogyny. Listen to trans poc about intracommunity racism. Listen to disabled trans people about intracommunity ableism. Etc, Etc.

Listen to people you want to share a community with you have privilege over, just LISTEN for once, without immediately snapping back! Maybe you'll learn something instead of alienating people you have privilege over and pushing them to make their own smaller communities. And maybe then we can finally have some fucking TransUnity™

[ashe-yname]

'Calling Mulan trans is cultural appropriation'

You do know chinese trans people exist right?

And its ok for us to see ourselves in a 'crossdressers' because thats the very limit of what you'll allow us to be. And even then there needs to be 100 excuses for why its a good thing because it can't just be forgivable on its own.

You know trans men can be starved of heroic figures the same way cis women can right?

You know chinese trans men often led similar stories to Mulan but trans men (let alone strong trans men) are infinitely less palatable to you then even strong cwomen.

Mulan is known because she was not trans. If you cannot let us have our own representation, at least let us see the ones you erased in her

[genderqueerdykes]

14 year old transgender girl Pauly Likens was unjustly robbed of her life due to trans panic between the dates of June 22nd and July 3rd, 2024. say her name.

i have seen only one or two posts about this, but none of them include her name and it sickens me. Her name is Pauly Likens, a 14 year old transgender girl from Sharon, Pennsylvania who met up with a 29 year old man whom she met on Grindr who was brutally murdered and her body was dismembered because she was a trans girl. she went missing on June 22nd, and her dismembered body was found on July 3rd, 2024. her body was DISMEMBERED and thrown into a river. she was not only murdered but BRUTALLY murdered. she was 14 years old. 14. she couldn't even legally drive yet in the united states. she just barely graduated elementary school.

her mother is fighting for her case to be processed and acknowledged as a hate crime. i am disgusted to find out that my home state of Pennsylvania only considers racial discrimination as real discrimination that can be persecuted by law. gender identities and sexual orientations are not considered at all. lawyers and government officials are also trying to deny that it was a hate crime, because her murderer was a self admitted gay man. i don't care what type of queer you are: there is never an excuse to lay hands on a transgender person just because you don't like how they identify.

this is utterly sickening. to say this wasn't a hate crime is living in denial. i don't care if her murderer was gay. he's a murderer who had a clearly charged reason for doing this. he stole a life from a young transgender girl for no reason other than she identified in a way he didn't like. he's not dangerous because he's gay, nor is he exempt from being transphobic. his sexuality had nothing to do with this. not only was this man a dangerous transphobe, but a predator. a 29 year old man willingly met up with a 14 year old child. this man is dangerous for reasons that have nothing to do with his sexuality. he's a transphobic child predator. he deserves no sympathy or to get off scott free just because he's gay. he willingly met up with Pauly. she didn't force him to do anything. she was a child, and he is an adult.

please say her name. while talking about the dangers of Grindr and how minors should not use it, please include her name. yes Grindr is an extremely dangerous platform for trans women, men, and trans people in general, but that shouldn't be the focus of your conversation about her. don't use her death as a platform to discuss how fucked up grindr is without acknowledging who she was as a person. don't just make her another statistic on a page. she was a real person, a child, who was robbed of her life, and robbed from her community. she is not just another number in a long list of trans panic murders. her life meant something. say her name. fight like hell for Pennsylvania to acknowledge that her death WAS a hate crime. their archaic outdated laws need updating.

her family has a GoFundMe to give her a proper burial, please consider donating or spreading the word about it:

here is a news article that genders her correctly where you can read more about what happened:

rest in power, Pauly Likens, we miss you. you are loved. we will fight like hell for you and your family. remember her.

[venice-1987]

Maybe Ive said this before, but I really need pepple to reframe how they talk about trans men when it comes to the bathroom debate. It always seems like the main issue is framed as cis discomfort, and other than that, trans men are just a "gotcha" and don't have any other role within this debate.

Its always the image of a fully bearded, ten years on T post op trans guy walking into a women's bathroom, making the cis woman uncomfortable, and saying "welp, this is what you wanted, conservatives 🤷‍♂️" and the scenario ending just with that gotcha. With the centering of cis discomfort.

How about we actually acknowledge the real danger trans men are being put in here. What happens when that fully bearded trans guy is seen going into the "right bathroom" by a protective husband, father, brother, etc. You either get beat up as a man, or beat up as a trans person.

Tired of people overlooking the real danger trans men are in just for the sake of a gotcha. It happens so often, and it happens even beyond this one debate.

[leotheloaf]

Hi, y’all, in the coming years it is more important than EVER that we have a strong queer community.

What we ARENT gonna be doing, is forming separatist movements, or rekindling old ones, or dogpiling each other over who “gets the right to speak” about their own oppression. We ARENT gonna be throwing the most “unpalatable” queers under the bus to try to appeal to cis/het/allo people. We ARENT gonna be abandoning our trans and nonbinary siblings. We ARENT gonna be abandoning our intersex siblings, and we A R E going to be INCLUDING them in our activism. Respectability politics gets us nowhere. Infighting gets us nowhere. Separatism gets us NOWHERE. Shape tf up y’all

[pinkhairswagtourney]

my friend harmony is a disabled trans lesbian who was recently kicked out twice by transphobic relatives and friends . she’s been applying for jobs but she hasn’t had any luck yet . she currently has no source of income and nowhere to rest her head at night except her car , and it’s been below freezing where she lives . 

this is ongoing and will be ongoing until further notice – she needs money to eat , to fill her car with gas , and to rent a hotel room . even a few dollars would help her so much at this point . if you can’t help monetarily , please please boost this post !! i am so worried about her , this has been going on for over a month and she isn’t doing well ]:

p-yp-l ( her only way of receiving money rn )

[transmascrage]

Video by ErinInTheMorning on TikTok

[Transcript (there's captions on screen but in case you can't turn on audio):

Erin: "File this one away for the transgender history books, whenever they write about our history; today Lindsey Spero, a trans man, stood in front of the Florida Board of Medicine, which was about to vote to medically ban all gender affirming care for trans youth.

He stood there to deliver his testimony, he delivered a little bit of it, but then he took the remainder of his testimony time to stand there and inject his hormone therapy in front of all of them in stunned silence, and then he turned around and raised his fist. Watch this."

Lindsey: "My name is Lindsey Spero, I'm 25 years old, I'm a resident of St. Petersburg, Florida. I'm also transgender.

I am someone who was subjected to treatments that have been questionable, that were mentioned by people like that woman who came up and spoke, I can tell you for a fact that her child is going to grow up hating her.

I'm sure you've heard many stories that sound like mine already, over the last few months my trans siblings and family members have stood before you, put their hearts on full display and vulnerable pleaded with you to listen to our stories and perspectives.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has condemned your actions and our federal government has spoken out against the actions you seek to take regarding the necessary health care for trans youth.

I could stand here and tell you about the times I attempted to end my life because I didn't have access to gender affirming care but I know, I know you don't care. I see you sneering at us while we come here and talk to you.

Instead I'm going to take the rest of my time to demonstrate the sacred and weekly ritual of my shot in front of you, in this body.

My medication is life saving, I will use HRT for the rest of my life, your denial of my need for this medication, doesn't make my existence as a trans person any less real.

I will be giving myself my subcutaneous shot in my stomach. If you have a needle phobia, please look away."

Lindsey injects his T-shot in silence, helped by another person who passes him a needle and the testosterone in its vial.

After finishing, he raises his fist and turns around to the audience.

Lindsey: "Tomorrow and forever."

The crowd cheers and a few people get up to clap.

Erin: "That, that is what I'm talking about! Good job Lindsey! This is the kind of resistance that matters!"

End transcript.]

(As a sidenote, it seems that Lindsey identifies as nonbinary, not necessarily (or exclusively, anyways) as a trans man. Some articles identify him as transmasc but all of his socials state nonbinary.)

[britts-galaxy-brain]

"Lily Orchard had public lewd interactions with a 15 year old for four years and then dated them."

"Transmisogyny! Transphobia!"

"Lily Orchard shipped a real life adult with a real life minor and tried to pressure them into dating."

"Transmisogyny! Transphobia!"

"Lily Orchard sexually abused her real life sibling and went on to write fanfiction inspired by what she did to and her obsession with said sibling, that she still writes to this day."

"Transmisogyny! Transphobia!"

"Lily Orchard has expressed in multiple ways (sockpuppet, rpgmaker games, fanfics, fanart, her own words) that she is a pedophile."

"Transmisogyny! Transphobia!"

"Lily Orchard has expressed in multiple ways that she is sexually interested in dogs."

"Transmisogyny! Transphobia!"

"Lily Orchard has sexually and emotionally abused everyone she has ever gotten close to or dated."

"Transmisogyny! Transphobia!"

"Patricia Taxxon showed porn to minors and pleasured herself in a VC with minors present."

"Transmisogyny! Transphobia!"

"Patricia Taxxon posted lewd images of herself on a public account that she knew minors followed her on."

"Patricia Taxxon has expressed support for zoophiles."

"Patricia Taxxon has expressed having sexual desires that involve underage children."

"Transmisogyny! Transphobia!"

Do you people not understand the implications of doing shit like this? Do you not understand that by crying transphobia every time a trans person gets called out for behavior like this, you are implying that this behavior must be an intrinsic part of being trans, otherwise your accusation makes no goddamn sense?

Do you not understand how DEEPLY FUCKING HARMFUL that is to innocent trans people??

Would you be screaming bigotry if it was a cis person getting called out for behavior like this?

Hell would you be screaming bigotry if it was a trans MAN getting called out for behavior like this??

Sexual predators have been ALLOWED to proliferate in these communities because of THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE. Because anyone who tries to call it out and do something about it is dismissed as transmisogynistic. Even though that makes no goddamn sense in context.

Do not let other sexual abusers scare you into not calling this shit out. Predators absolutely should not be allowed to run rampant in these spaces.

[anqueerism]

Trying to talk to trans discoursers these days

[shamebats]

Some perspectives on the downsides of passing/being stealth

TikTok OP is @ rhymeswithfry (he/him)

[nijuukoo]

TRANS RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS.

The trans community has always existed, and you are loved. No matter what circle-jerk of two-bit con artists with the integrity of wet tissues say, you have been and always are important. Life and society has thrived because of the perseverance and brilliance of the trans and nonbinary community, whether we knew it or not. Remember that you aren't alone, and you have so, so many people across nations who are standing with you.

Do the best you can to continue pursuing your goals and live with pride as the best version of yourself you can be. Outlive your oppressors; the vacuum of a hollow, hateful life will consume the bigots who try to block your way of growth and happiness, because they'll do nothing but shrink and wallow in their ignorance while you're making as many footprints as you can.

You are valid, and you will thrive, and you will continue to live more fulfilled lives because you stay true to who you are.

[smokeweedeattherich]

If you are in Alberta around Calgary or Edmonton consider attending one of these protests for the support of trans rights.

Thank you and please share.

@allthecanadianpolitics