#transphobia in the trans community

[answersfromzestual]

My friend is trans (ftm) and I am trans (ftm), and he won't accept me? I told him about a month before I really decided to start transitioning that I feel like I can't be a girl, and that I'm probably transmasc, and he was pretty excited to have a trans friend like himself, but after I did a more official coming out to our friend group, he was the only one who did not support me, and was pretty angry at me. I asked him did something happened and why did he change his mind, and he told me that he can't see me as a guy, and that I don't deserve it and not worthy of calling myself a man. I understand that for other people it can be hard to start seing you differently, especially then they knew me as a girl for a lot of time, but I don't understand him and I'm hurt. He said that "he is grieving the "me" he knew" but that is such a weird statement. He also said that the reason I can't be a guy is because I am "too hysterical like a woman". I don't understand him, and I feel betrayed :( Why would he say something like that? Does he sees me as a rival now, or something like this??

Wow...

There is a lot to unpack here. First off, you are valid, you really have these feelings.

Secondly I'm terribly sorry about your friend going from supportive to spiteful, by the sounds of it.

If you don't mind can I ask if you have a more "masculine" quality than him? Are you taller, is your face more passable than his? Did your other friends respond to you coming out better?

This sounds like it's almost a jealousy issue and a lot of resentment.

There may be a little bit of "well I came out then a month later _____ comes out?!" Can be contributing to his feelings.

Does your friend tend to need attention more than you? Just in general. Are they louder? Do they always have to make things about themselves? If so, you could be "stealing his spotlight".

It seems this all stems from when you came out to your friends...

I have a thought about the mourning part of your ask. Don't put money on it, but I think they may have a crush on the "female" you used to be. I have a feeling they may have finally seen themselves as straight maybe and maybe their goal was to maybe ask you out, but now you are transitioning. The mourning and the almost telling you not to transition just kind of makes me think that. I apologize if this is out of line, it's just a hunch I have from the information you have given me. If this is not the case he is a jealous, hypocrite in my honest opinion.

You deserve respect, consideration, and love.

There are many layers to your friend's response, and it's more than likely not one particular thing, but a mix of many emotions and feelings.

This person does not determine your worth. I want you to know that this person doesn't seem like someone you should remain friends with. You can be civil with your friend group, but you don't need to be friends.

I am incredibly sorry this happened to you. This is actually an example of transphobia inside the trans community. It's really not acceptable.

If this person tries to say anything negative about your transition, ask them what their issue(s) are with it. Maybe you can talk about it out together and salvage the friendship.

If they won't answer you or refuse to explain their feelings, you can tell them that they do not run your life, they do not know what's in your head, they do not know how you feel. Tell them saying this is way out of line and extremely inappropriate things to say to someone you consider a friend.

I'm sorry I can't say much more...

I'm sure maybe someone here can add some of their thoughts and advice as well.

I hope that you find comfort and feel the love here.

Remember you need to make you happy, you are your number one priority. Unless he is going to start to pay for your treatments his words are just arrogant and really cruel.

You are loved, and seen here.

I am sorry I took so long to answer this, it was a very deep ask, with many layers to consider.

I hope maybe this can help you out.

With much love,

Zestual ❤️💙

[agendercryptidlev]

We need to talk more about the transmasculine suicide rate.

There's a common saying that every transgender suicide is a murder, because it is the lack of acceptance in society that leads transgender individuals to commit suicide at such a high rate, this is true of trans men who have the highest suicide rate across all gender identities:

[image ID: a stylized graph depicting the percentages of considering & attempted suicide for different gender experiences.

Cisgender boy/man: 28% considered suicide, 8% attempted suicide

Cisgender girl/woman: 37% considered suicide, 10% attempted suicide

Transgender boy/man: 59% considered suicide, 22% attempted suicide

Transgender girl/woman: 48% considered suicide, 12% attempted suicide

Nonbinary/genderqueer: 53% considered suicide, 19% attempted suicide

Questioning: 48% considered suicide, 14% attempted suicide

end ID] ID by @tstomboy

Trans men are not receiving the support they need, and many of them are not surviving because of this. We need to make sure that mental health support and suicide for transgender individuals is as inclusive as possible for these transgender men who are at the highest risk.

We need to ensure trans men feel safe and welcome within the queer community as isolation is one of the more exacerbating factors on one's mental health. We need to make sure resources for victims of sexual violence are inclusive of transmasculine individuals, who face the highest rate of sexual abuse and yet often have to recloset themselves to find support. We have to love trans men because society shows them nothing but hate.

Check in with the trans men in your community, you may just save a life.

[nightmarish-fallen-angel]

There's something especially biting about people telling transmascs specifically to unpack their misogyny.

After so long of being yelled at or berated by my mother. Looked at with disgust for not shaving my legs and yelled at when I cut my hair, guilt tripped into wearing makeup, and being told any masculine dress was "not socially acceptable." All things that actively hurt gnc women as well as trans people. All things that are misogynistic to imply women have to do.

Every time I try to come out as trans: "I wish you weren't ashamed of your femininity, I'm so heartbroken that you hate women. You're only trying to become a man because you think women are inferior." Following it up with a "why can't you express yourself as you are and just be a gnc woman..." As if she didn't just mock me for those exact traits.

My mother, and by extension TERFs (as my mother is one), constantly imply that the only reason transmasculine people exist is because they are poor little girls who struggle with internalized misogyny. They need to embrace being the gnc women they truly are~ And the gnc women need to fix their internalized misogyny by being more feminine~

So imagine my frustration when the communities I assume to be safe for trans people (both irl and online) hit me with the "transmascs need to unpack their misogyny :/" "a surprising number of transmascs are misogynistic actually :/"

Everyone needs to unpack their misogyny dipshit. The fact that transmascs are singled out specifically leads me to conclude one (or both) of two things:

You have encountered a shitty transmasc person and have taken it upon yourself to decide that the entire transmasc community is like that. I'm not saying misogynistic transmascs don't exist, but if you see someone with a bigoted worldview and go "well this is indicative of the entire community" you are the problem.

You think transmascs are misogynistic for getting gender dysphoria around things that are feminine or conversely, they are misogynistic for getting euphoria around masculinity. This is just straight up punishing trans people for being true to themselves.

Both of these are transphobic arguments and are common TERF tactics to discredit trans people. I do not trust you if you hold the opinion that misogyny is more prevalent in transmasculine spaces than in society at large.

[1982brucespringsteen]

some good news!! the spanish state's ministry of equality has finally passed one of the most progressive trans laws on the planet, shielded free and universal access to abortion and banned conversion therapy and genital surgery for intersex babies, among a lot of other feminist policies. the minister of equality irene montero gave a speech thanking spain's lgtb and trans associations for helping her draft these legislations. couldn't be more proud!!

[genderqueerdykes]

14 year old transgender girl Pauly Likens was unjustly robbed of her life due to trans panic between the dates of June 22nd and July 3rd, 2024. say her name.

i have seen only one or two posts about this, but none of them include her name and it sickens me. Her name is Pauly Likens, a 14 year old transgender girl from Sharon, Pennsylvania who met up with a 29 year old man whom she met on Grindr who was brutally murdered and her body was dismembered because she was a trans girl. she went missing on June 22nd, and her dismembered body was found on July 3rd, 2024. her body was DISMEMBERED and thrown into a river. she was not only murdered but BRUTALLY murdered. she was 14 years old. 14. she couldn't even legally drive yet in the united states. she just barely graduated elementary school.

her mother is fighting for her case to be processed and acknowledged as a hate crime. i am disgusted to find out that my home state of Pennsylvania only considers racial discrimination as real discrimination that can be persecuted by law. gender identities and sexual orientations are not considered at all. lawyers and government officials are also trying to deny that it was a hate crime, because her murderer was a self admitted gay man. i don't care what type of queer you are: there is never an excuse to lay hands on a transgender person just because you don't like how they identify.

this is utterly sickening. to say this wasn't a hate crime is living in denial. i don't care if her murderer was gay. he's a murderer who had a clearly charged reason for doing this. he stole a life from a young transgender girl for no reason other than she identified in a way he didn't like. he's not dangerous because he's gay, nor is he exempt from being transphobic. his sexuality had nothing to do with this. not only was this man a dangerous transphobe, but a predator. a 29 year old man willingly met up with a 14 year old child. this man is dangerous for reasons that have nothing to do with his sexuality. he's a transphobic child predator. he deserves no sympathy or to get off scott free just because he's gay. he willingly met up with Pauly. she didn't force him to do anything. she was a child, and he is an adult.

please say her name. while talking about the dangers of Grindr and how minors should not use it, please include her name. yes Grindr is an extremely dangerous platform for trans women, men, and trans people in general, but that shouldn't be the focus of your conversation about her. don't use her death as a platform to discuss how fucked up grindr is without acknowledging who she was as a person. don't just make her another statistic on a page. she was a real person, a child, who was robbed of her life, and robbed from her community. she is not just another number in a long list of trans panic murders. her life meant something. say her name. fight like hell for Pennsylvania to acknowledge that her death WAS a hate crime. their archaic outdated laws need updating.

her family has a GoFundMe to give her a proper burial, please consider donating or spreading the word about it:

here is a news article that genders her correctly where you can read more about what happened:

rest in power, Pauly Likens, we miss you. you are loved. we will fight like hell for you and your family. remember her.

[venice-1987]

Maybe Ive said this before, but I really need pepple to reframe how they talk about trans men when it comes to the bathroom debate. It always seems like the main issue is framed as cis discomfort, and other than that, trans men are just a "gotcha" and don't have any other role within this debate.

Its always the image of a fully bearded, ten years on T post op trans guy walking into a women's bathroom, making the cis woman uncomfortable, and saying "welp, this is what you wanted, conservatives 🤷‍♂️" and the scenario ending just with that gotcha. With the centering of cis discomfort.

How about we actually acknowledge the real danger trans men are being put in here. What happens when that fully bearded trans guy is seen going into the "right bathroom" by a protective husband, father, brother, etc. You either get beat up as a man, or beat up as a trans person.

Tired of people overlooking the real danger trans men are in just for the sake of a gotcha. It happens so often, and it happens even beyond this one debate.

[gremlingirlsmell]

Yea, I'm pro TransUnity™.

I would like a united community! But to accomplish that you don't shut down anyone talking about intra-community issues and saying we "divide the community" or are "playing opression olympics". Rather, you need to listen.

Listen to transmisogyny-affected people about intracommunity transmisogyny. Listen to trans poc about intracommunity racism. Listen to disabled trans people about intracommunity ableism. Etc, Etc.

Listen to people you want to share a community with you have privilege over, just LISTEN for once, without immediately snapping back! Maybe you'll learn something instead of alienating people you have privilege over and pushing them to make their own smaller communities. And maybe then we can finally have some fucking TransUnity™

[pinkhairswagtourney]

my friend harmony is a disabled trans lesbian who was recently kicked out twice by transphobic relatives and friends . she’s been applying for jobs but she hasn’t had any luck yet . she currently has no source of income and nowhere to rest her head at night except her car , and it’s been below freezing where she lives . 

this is ongoing and will be ongoing until further notice – she needs money to eat , to fill her car with gas , and to rent a hotel room . even a few dollars would help her so much at this point . if you can’t help monetarily , please please boost this post !! i am so worried about her , this has been going on for over a month and she isn’t doing well ]:

p-yp-l ( her only way of receiving money rn )

[transmascrage]

Video by ErinInTheMorning on TikTok

[Transcript (there's captions on screen but in case you can't turn on audio):

Erin: "File this one away for the transgender history books, whenever they write about our history; today Lindsey Spero, a trans man, stood in front of the Florida Board of Medicine, which was about to vote to medically ban all gender affirming care for trans youth.

He stood there to deliver his testimony, he delivered a little bit of it, but then he took the remainder of his testimony time to stand there and inject his hormone therapy in front of all of them in stunned silence, and then he turned around and raised his fist. Watch this."

Lindsey: "My name is Lindsey Spero, I'm 25 years old, I'm a resident of St. Petersburg, Florida. I'm also transgender.

I am someone who was subjected to treatments that have been questionable, that were mentioned by people like that woman who came up and spoke, I can tell you for a fact that her child is going to grow up hating her.

I'm sure you've heard many stories that sound like mine already, over the last few months my trans siblings and family members have stood before you, put their hearts on full display and vulnerable pleaded with you to listen to our stories and perspectives.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has condemned your actions and our federal government has spoken out against the actions you seek to take regarding the necessary health care for trans youth.

I could stand here and tell you about the times I attempted to end my life because I didn't have access to gender affirming care but I know, I know you don't care. I see you sneering at us while we come here and talk to you.

Instead I'm going to take the rest of my time to demonstrate the sacred and weekly ritual of my shot in front of you, in this body.

My medication is life saving, I will use HRT for the rest of my life, your denial of my need for this medication, doesn't make my existence as a trans person any less real.

I will be giving myself my subcutaneous shot in my stomach. If you have a needle phobia, please look away."

Lindsey injects his T-shot in silence, helped by another person who passes him a needle and the testosterone in its vial.

After finishing, he raises his fist and turns around to the audience.

Lindsey: "Tomorrow and forever."

The crowd cheers and a few people get up to clap.

Erin: "That, that is what I'm talking about! Good job Lindsey! This is the kind of resistance that matters!"

End transcript.]

(As a sidenote, it seems that Lindsey identifies as nonbinary, not necessarily (or exclusively, anyways) as a trans man. Some articles identify him as transmasc but all of his socials state nonbinary.)

[incorrectbatfam]

Hey guys, this isn't fandom-related but just a PSA because I want you to be safe out there.

Whatever you do, DO NOT go to this form created to target trans people in Utah and DO NOT spam it with bogus reports such as:

The entire Bee Movie script

100k word fanfics

Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up"

The names of conservative lawmakers

Full-length movies

Keysmashes

PDFs of novels

etc.

Remember, since they have no limits on word count or file size, it's really easy to overload their system and we DO NOT want that to happen. Additionally, if you have a VPN, you should absolutely NOT change your location to Utah because that makes it more difficult for them to filter reports by IP address.

[lgbtq-userboxes]

[sagasolejma]

If there isn't already a word for when stuff like architecture, public spaces and public utilities are actively harmful/inconvenient towards trans people, may I please please please coin "transphobic worldbuilding"

Transphobic Worldbuilding

When architecture, public spaces or public utilities are made in such a way as to be harmful and/or inconvenient for trans people, to reinforce a cis-normative society

Aiden: "Isn't it annoying how the changing rooms at the swimming center doesn't have any privacy stalls? It makes me unable to change anywhere since my genitals doesn't match my preferred gender and changing room."

Luna: "yeah it's transphobic worldbuilding"

[zerosuitsammi3]

If I can take a moment to share my experience as a trans woman on the internet

My experience is by no means unique, it's just one experience in the plethora of trans feminine experiences and not unique to only tumblr. Though, I'll mostly talk about what I've experienced here. In the light of recent events, the reaction of "the ceo," and the comments he contributed regarding dog pile harassment; I simply wish to share my experiences that I have had to juxtapose the dynamic of his statements against a lived experience.

This account started as a way to document my social transition and eventually my journey with HRT. Tumblr had always had a large lgbtqia+ community. The queer people here inspired me and gave me hope. What I didn't know, but soon learned, is that there were people here who hated me for being trans. Being early in my transition I was a prime target. TERF groups would plan raids on my account. What this entailed was: rebloging my selfies into circles that would say the most vile things about me, threaten to kill, tell me I was ugly, tell me that everyone I knew thought I was a joke, I was a monster, my family hated me, that I should kill myself, they'd download and edit my photos into caricatures or depictions of violence. They would fill my ask box with hundreds of asks detailing how they'd kill me, call me slurs, describe the ways that I should kill myself, and pretty much everything else I mentioned above with the reblogs. Their words were carefully curated to try and break me, break my spirit, break my will to live. I tried reporting it. But it was impossible to keep up with, and like many others I saw no real response. Eventually I learned that I had to block all of them. 100's of blogs, eventually 1000's of blogs. My block list these days is incredibly extensive. I had to wade through their blogs, traverse sickening hate speech and imagery to eliminate entire circles of people harassing me. I became jaded to the hate speech, hardened to it. But mind you, I shouldn't have had to expose myself to all of this just to be at peace here amongst my community. I received no help, I was left to my own devices to protect myself. The people who hurt me never saw consequences. It was painful, it was unfair, and no one else should have to put the hours upon hours of effort and exposure to hate in to protect themselves like I did. But again my experience is not unique.

I have had to repeat this process of preemptive blocking periodically once a new circle discovers me. Blocking them all before they can start the process of hate all over again. A process of hate that seems to be hitting my community with rapidly increasing fervor as of late.

I've seen others experience far worse than me. The TERF circles will hunt down their personal information and doxx them. Expose their home address, telephone numbers, names of their family members. I can't begin to imagine the terror my queer siblings must feel when someone tells then that they want to murder them all while showing them that they know where you live. This is not a new thing, not a rare tactic, it happens. And we've all seen the news stories of trans people being murdered by people who planned it and were vocal about it.

I know this is depressing. And it doesn't reflect all of my experiences. I've had wonderful experiences here, met amazing people, made close friends, found inspiration, found hope. I found a community.

And it's my community, and I never want to let it go.

I do have fear that making this statement will get me banned. But, I wanted to say it. I wanted it to exist in the world so that everyone who doesn't know our experiences has a chance to understand and with luck empathize.

I'll part on these words and hope for the best both for myself and for every member of the community.

[reasonsforhope]

"Glamour UK launched its digital June Pride cover this week featuring a pregnant transgender man. 

The cover features transgender activist and author Logan Brown standing topless with a suit painted over his chest and his pregnant belly on full display. 

“I am a transgender pregnant man and I do exist, so no matter what anybody says, I literally am living proof,” Brown told the magazine. 

Glamour UK, an online women’s magazine published by Condé Nast, launched its Pride cover issue on Thursday, coinciding with the start of LGBTQ Pride month. The magazine has previously showcased prominent figures in the LGBTQ community, such as Grammy-award winning artist Kim Petras and "Queer Eye" cast member Antoni Porowski.

This year’s issue “celebrates the allyship between women (cisgender or not) and transgender people through our shared experiences — in particular pregnancy, healthcare and childbirth,” the magazine explained.

The cover interview, which was conducted two weeks before Brown, 27, gave birth to his daughter, Nova, recounts the cover star’s experience with an unexpected pregnancy and navigating the medical system as a trans man...

Despite the backlash, the cover star expressed his desire to educate those who may hold misconceptions about transgender individuals.

Brown shared with Glamour that he is working on a children’s book and an autobiography that highlights his pregnancy, and hopes it will serve as a resource for other transgender people. 

He added that he would also like the book to reach people who aren’t transgender but “are curious and want to know about the situation,” referring to trans pregnancy."

-via ABC News, June 2, 2023

-

Especially heartening to see this coming out of the UK, given the dramatic rise in transphobia and TERFism there the past few years.

Right now, it can be a really stressful and heartbreaking time to be trans. Widespread change takes time that it often feels like we don't have. But we're here, and we will always be here, and despite what it may feel like, we have made unbelievable amounts of progress in the last 20 years alone.

I promise you this: the transphobes are going to lose.

[actualalivecreature]

the fact that this has 500 notes, while just casually dropping ‘transandrophobia isn’t serious or real’ is so fucking sad and scary to me. how can you hate your fellow trans folks so much that you flat out deny their oppression exists (which in itself is an example of that oppression).