#totally not related to

[ficks-of-fancy2]

Harry Potter and The Salemite

It's under the cut

-Hudie >i<

Chapter One: The Boy With A Grin

"I am pleased to introduce, Mr. Kafka Cygnus as the newest addition to the Hogwarts family." Harry just stared at the fellow first year, who just stared at all of the house tables with a concerning grin. The boy who not moments earlier gave the sorting hat an aperent aneurysm, before it swore and placed him in Ravenclaw. Flitwick, the charms professor and head of house for Ravenclaw, looked terrified. "Do be kind to our transfer from The Salem Academy of magicks." Dumbledore sounded almost annoyed when he spoke the school's name. Kafka locked eyes with Harry. His grin widened and Harry paled, the headmaster attempted to usher him to his house table. The 'Salemite' as several students even Ron had called him with something akin to fear in equal measure to the awe inspired by the his name, ducked and started skipping in the direction of the Gryffindor table much to the dismay of every student adjacent to his path. And when he made it to his destination he just stood there, waiting.

"Aren't you going to scootch over a bit?" Now that Harry had a better look he could say that the sly if not sweet voice did sort of match the babyish face before him. Ron moved as far as the others would allow him, Hermione looked tempted to slap him for it. Kafka took Ron's movement as permission to sit and happily did so. "Nice to meet you! Harry Potter right?" He spoke with a chipper tone, playing with his shaggy chestnut hair, hazel eyes alight with some fox-like joy. He held out his hand excitedly, "Kafka, grandson of Headmistress Herta Cygnus and witch of the Salemite coven."

Harry took his hand and returned his sentiments with a minor change. "Harry Potter. Son of James and Lily, wizard of Hogwarts... I guess." Kalfa just shook his head.

"Wise man or no, you are still covenless. But don't worry, you will find family." He spoke in what Harry assumed to be a riddle. "But it's still nice to meet you." Kafka wasn't wearing any robes choosing instead some distressed sky blue trousers, boots with Doc something or other on the tags, and a big lavender and black hoodie. Ron looked at him like he had gone mad and Hermione seemed similarly clueless, but that was par for the course, given their shared magicless upbringing. He genuinely didn't get the issue, sure Kafka seemed a little too friendly if anything. "Well I won't keep ya'. Have a nice dinner." With that Kafka moved over to the Ravenclaw table still given the widest of berths.

After dinner and with stomach full, Harry felt the need for answers. "Hermione, what's a Salemite?" He asked the wise young witch, "For that matter why did he call himself a witch?" Hermione seemed to consider the question for a moment before shrugging.

Ron who had been glaring daggers at the young man all throughout dinner took that as a sign to start howling like a mad man. "They are evil! Bloody psycho, the lot of them, the bastards of wizard kind! Worse than You-Know-Who." Several passing ghosts seemed to nod in agreement along with some elders of House Gryffindor. Hermione looked unimpressed with Ron's seeming theatrics. "It's common knowledge." Ron defended.

Hermione just sighed, "Idiot." Harry was tempted to agree. Sure Voldemort was barely human to him on the best of days. But everyone shared what he had done that made him so terrible, not to mention what he had done to his perpents. Kafka didn't seem nearly as bad as Malfoy and all of Slytherin, let alone Voldemort. "If he was truly THAT evil, why would he be allowed to set foot in Hogwarts?"

"Well I don't trust him and neither should you. Salemites are all loons." Hermione just groaned and broke into a light jog, clearly fed up with Ron's bias. "Some people just don't get it until it's too late," the ginger sighed, "They'd sell their own for a knut." He elbowed Harry like he had just told a funny joke. If Ron did, he didn't get it.

>i< ------------- >i<

The next morning at breakfast, most of Slytherin wasn't in attendance and those that were, house master included, told an interesting story. Malfoy and his goons looked shell-shocked and slightly burned. "What happened to them?" Harry asked the table.

"Infestation of possessed dolls," Percy said slightly less disheveled. The Weasley twins laughed and got a glare from the Prefect. "No idea how they got in. Fred. George."

"We don't know ether."

"I'm sure you don't" Percy drawled, unamused. "In anycase Snape is out for blood today, best be on your guard. Ravenclaw has already lost 100 points." That was unusual. Several elder students noted, Ravenclaw almost never lost points and it was mostly for unusual studies or similar academic no-nos. "Most classes are canceled due to the incident."

"Noooooo!" Hermione lemented.

"It was those brutish Weasleys!" Malfoy moaned to any who would listen, even other Slytherin were none too eager to listen, most entirely to tired. Fred and George looked like they could only wish to be the offending party. Citing some prankster code that even they weren't fool enough to break.

Ron was also strangely absent he noticed. Kafka as well and Neville has some new friends. In the form of two small stuffed animals that stood at attention on the table. A button-eyed black cat and toad, that Professor Quirrell was watching with mild terror, his eyes never leaving it. Harry was tempted to agree given the infestation of mad dolls on the loose. "Neville," the boy perked up at the sound of his name, "where'd the toys come from?"

"No clue. Thought everyone got some, they're rather sweet." Hermione seemed slightly inthralled with the magic stuffies. The black cat started to move. It was walking towards Harry, rather adorably if Hermione's animated cooing was anything to go by. It gave him a small letter written on note paper not parchment as was standard. It read as such:

For Harry,

Going to be in detention all morning. My dolls tossed that rude redhead out a window, among other things. I'll be popping in for some tea after I escape my unjustified imprisonment. Enjoy the day off.

Yours in crime, Kafka

PS Let go now!

Harry did as the letter suggested and dropped it, just as it caught fire. "What was that about?" Asked one confused Hermione, clearly less interested in the magic behind a self igniting letter. Or she had already figured it out, Hermione was just smart like that, Harry wondered how to break the news that she was his friend to Ron.

"Kafka invited me to tea." He responded dumbly. "And tossed Ron out a window, also something involving fire." Harry pointed in Malfoy's direction. The stuffed cat bowed to him before returning to Nevile. The twin's eyes were alight, a traumatic sight for Percy. The rest of the table seemed in a identical state horror at the idea that a first year managed to cause widespread chaos on his first day. "At the least tea won't be boring." Harry spoke in a half hearted attempt to provide levity. Hermione looked like she had just sucked on a lemon.

>i< ------------- >i<

Somehow Kafka managed to bypass the Fat Lady. "So this his how the hero lives. It's certainly... bright." He still seemed unwilling to dress in the robes required by Hogwarts. But Kafka had seemed to extend that willful disobedience to now dressing in a modest skirt and wool stockings, both in the Ravenclaw colours. He still wore his now signature lavender and black hoodie.

"How did you get in?" Harry asked.

"Why are you wearing that?" Ron asked slightly disgusted. Harry found it more odd if anything. Perhaps he lost a bet with a Slytherin or fellow Ravenclaw, given the colouring.

"Because I can." Kafka answered like he was saying the sky is blue. "After all, I'm a 'bloody psycho'. Aren't I window boy." He said, like the cat who ate the canary. Speaking of cats. A small and rather fluffy black kitten was hissing at Ron.

"What are you doing here," Ron hissed, "Don't you have some muggles to terrify."

"Disrespecting authority and no, not really. But if Professor McGonagall asks, I'm not here." He spoke fiddling with a small ornate black key with shades of purple, gold, and brass. The bow of the key was crafted in the shape of a clematis flower connected to a odd stem that seemed broken in two held by vines of brass in the middle. Each of the six petals was adorned with a alexandrite and carved with hollow metal work. It ended off with an intricate bit to the slightly rounded pin. the bit in the shape of a crescent moon with two additional bits of gold from the key's throating. "Detention got boring."

That answered the McGonagall question. But the question of entry went unanswered, locked behind a wide, knowing smile. He was wandering around the common room. "I want no part of this." Ron announced like it was some incredible notion. Kafka visibly rolled his eyes as Ron left.

"So, about capitalising on your fame for monetary profit." Harry had a feeling he was going to live to regret this. But he couldn't help the smile that formed on his face, an equal match to the one that always found a home to Kafka's face.

[isjasz]

Stellar death

[bethanydelleman]

I'm really tired of the "woman sad about her arranged marriage" trope, especially if that woman is royalty.

I am sure that many women across time were sad about their arranged marriages, but I'm sure a lot of others were excited, ambivalent, or resigned. Again, especially if you were royalty! I am sure if you were born a princess, you were trained from birth that your whole purpose in life was to marry someone important to solidify the power of the person on the throne. And honestly, it's an important job, if it wasn't, they wouldn't have tried so hard to do it.

That woman isn't just marrying another king or prince, she's going to be an ambassador of her country. She's supposed to be there promoting good relations. She isn't just a woman being sold off, she has a job! Also, if she is marrying the reigning monarch (or the heir), she may well end up running the country if the king is off at war or he dies when the heir is really young. That happened a lot throughout history! (or maybe she marries the third son and helps him find his way to the throne. Good for her)

It just feels like a modern sentiment being projected back. In Romeo and Juliet, when Juliet's mother first brings up marrying her to Paris, Juliet's basically cool with it and says she'll try to like him. She would have known this was going to happen because that is what rich women do, they marry into another family so their two families can be buddies. What else would she even be expecting?

It wouldn't bother me so much except that it's all we see! Give me a story about a woman who is like, "Cool, I shall give it my all!" Or she's like rolling up her sleeves and planning how she's going to get the court on her side and rule France, power behind the throne style (these women are mostly portrayed as villains, but who is to say the king would do a better job?). And also, have a little faith in women's fathers? You think men in the past didn't occasionally consider the happiness of their daughters? Not even a little bit?

[xxplastic-cubexx]

obligatory beach divorce doodling

bonus rough cover redraw of x-men #41 (1995) But Beach Divorce below cut

[jack-enbyfold]

[terrys-min-catl]

hey, i made smth (weird)

this is so bad, that it makes it double better

[emporium]

[markscherz]

Oh snap, tumblr did the thing.

[artemx746]

can people start obsessing over queerplatontic ships the same way they obsess over romantic ships

[vagueconfusion]

Feeling real ridiculous for not having realized that Baron's "stark father" was the Nightmare King until now

[tealvenetianmask]

The fact that Blitz says this very soon after he first has sex with Stolas and gets the book.

He's so rizzed up by that experience.

[kiivg]

.Tip: always kiss your LI after big boss fights to receive HP boosts.

[skellyjingles]

I spend a lot of time thinking about Ragatha's flat mouth.

[spiderzlover]

The 00p book club💧💧

[dogramagraa]

hes so special

[theimpurelily]

@grubus taadaa? lol

Sooo ya know that little gif I posted? This whole thing stemmed from me letting things get too out of hand while drawing up the dream scene that was only going to be that tiny little image....I have no regrets.

Just in case here's the rant

WHAT THE FUCK! I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO KISS MY HUSBAND? WHAT A SHITTY DREAM! MENG MO COULD DO BETTER. WAIT, THE ORIGINAL NING YINGYING DIDN'T DREAM OF-OF THAT RIGHT? I WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED. I THINK I WOULD REMEMBER? FUCK. IT'S BEEN SO MANY YEARS. DID SHE? AM I GASLIGHTING MYSELF? DOES THIS COUNT AS GASLIGHTING? REGARDLESS, WHY THE FUCK WOULD MENG MO SHOW ME THAT? WAS IT BECAUSE I WAS PUT IN A WIFE PLOT? SO HE JUST...JUST AUTOMATICALLY DID THAT? LIKE A GLITCH IN THE SYSTEM OR SOMETHING? OMG! WAIT! DID BINGHE SEE THE WEDDING? FUCK! WAS THAT HIM THERE AND NOT JUST SOME FAKE? FUCK! WAIT! NO. HE WOULD STILL BE TALKING TO MENG MO... RIGHT? BESIDES, I’M A GUY! SO BINGHE WOULD NEVER WANT TO-TO...SYSTEM! DID BINGHE SEE THAT? WAS THAT HIM? SYSTEM! WHAT THE FUCK! WILL I BE PUT IN FUTURE WIFE PLOTS JUST BECAUSE I'M BINGHE'S BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD...