#took me a long time to act on it
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finally took oomfs advice and washed my braids djkd
#took me a long time to act on it#cus sensory issues#and i was tryna figure out how to wash it in the tub#but its not that bad#my scalp looks better#gonna start washing every 2 weeks now
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(Forgot to post again)
A birthday present for a friend :)
#fanart#sketch#my art#artists on tumblr#in stars and time#isat#isat siffrin#isat fanart#isat odile#isat mirabelle#mirabelle#odile#siffrin#isat spoilers#Kinda!#I've actually never checked the room needed for that dialogue#I think?#But I know it exists!#And I wanted to leave some not so noticeable spoilers littered on the sketch without exactly spoiling anything#Mirabelle holds some random book I thought of that would have horror but also some romance in there#Whatever book she meant in that one dialogue#Siffrin is just a curious bean#Because wow the horrors#Odile is just chilling#Basically it's like set in post-Act 6 but I didn't want to spoil TOO much so the hat stayed#Maybe it's a new hat#Posing isatober thing didn't work out so have this little thing instead#I still think over what did some random guy find in that sketch#First normal Odile sketch! Took me long enough#it's 2 am
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an ending (x)
#if you squint this could just be any random post-king moment. but ! it is nooooooot thaaaaaaaaat. check the link on the x for details#and for those who already know about nohats. HI. SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. HOPE IT HURTS YOU. BYE.#in stars and time#isat fanart#isat#in stars and time fanart#NoHats AU#LoopLoops AU#isat siffrin#isat mirabelle#isat isabeau#isat bonnie#isat odile#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 5 spoilers#isat act 6 spoilers#lucabyteart#anyway extra commentary. this is the very specific visual sam described to me. so it was thumbnailed by them making it a collab :) yaaaay#the past-tensing of the You Are Loved cutscene is ALSO sam. so . AUGH. WAUGH. THE AGONIES.#theres like 2 more pieces for nohats still rattling in the brain too so.... they will show up soon also. ive been busy unfortunately lmao#once again if this alt end au captures anyone feel free to go nuts since sam and i arent really writers in a fanfic capacity +#only have a couple more images left to make. sooooo. while we do have a bunch of thoughts theyre mostly loose and vague.
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We lived.
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[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]
[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]
#FELT THAT GOOD GOOD VINDICATION HOARDING SCROLLS THE ENTIRE TIME FOR ONE (1) TO FINALLY COME IN HANDY HAHAHAHAHAHFHGD#This fight was absolutely bananas - I was so close to restarting it when everything looked bleak but I didn't and I'm so glad#because it made for a very dramatic story lol#Rambling incoming:#I split the party really bad bc I wasn't super clear on the AOE lightning attack so when the second one rolled around Gale was the only-#-one able to take cover in the building...but I don't think it even worked??#Lae'zel was down long before then but Wyll and Croissant were in death saves#Used all of Gale's movement AND misty step to get to Croissant but he still couldn't get close enough & had to throw a potion#I think I used a potion of speed then so Croissant could cast globe of invuln right away#(and it took 10min of looking through my inventory to even see I had something to do bc otherwise we would've died right there don't @ me)#But then we were STILL too far away from Ansur for 60' spells so I had to keep running them out of the globe - using a spell - and then-#-mISTY STEPPING BACK INTO IT BC WE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH MOVEMENT SPEED#it was rough but we made it#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 spoilers#act III spoilers#ansur quest#croissant adventures#tav#ansur#gale#gale dekarios#breadweave#gale x tav#YEAH WE'RE PUTTING IT IN THAT TAG#comics
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I saw people talking about how Ted would own so many patterned button ups and had the AWFUL realisation me and this man would share a closet.
(Also long haired Ted propaganda be upon ye)
#please acknowledge the fact that I hand drew all of the patterns because it took SO LONG-#I would like to 100% blame @cowardlykrow for acting as the devil on my shoulder and convincing me to draw this#I also have 8 more button up shirts- 3 are plain and the other 5 are so out there that only a dyke could pull them off 😭#he’s my autistic hyperfixation and I get to dress him up as a personal picrew however I like!!!#I was trying to be cute and draw him with different hairstyles for one and JOEY CUT HIS HAR WHILE I WAS DRAWING HIM WITH A PONYTAIL-#dw this is just a minor setback I will continue to be a long haired goat bros truther#I’m afraid the ‘he’s just like me fr fr’ jokes got a little too out of hand on this one chief#to be cringe is to be free ig#ted spankoffski#theodore spankoffski#starkid#starkid productions#team starkid#fanart starkid#starkid fanart#tgwdlm#tgwdlm starkid#tgwdlm fanart#the guy who didnt like musicals#the guy who didn’t like musicals fanart#time bastard nightmare time#starkid time bastard#time bastard#nightmare time#hatchetfield#hatchetverse#hatchetfield universe#nmt#fanart#my art
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Happy Anniversary In Stars and Time!! Have some Friend Quest based drawings :D
(These have specific quote picks related to them! And there's also a long ramble on why I like those specific quotes below if interested)
(And by long, I mean roughly 2k+ words of proper ramble total, so be warned before clicking keep reading this link right here to the rb!!)
#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#<- edited now this is just act 3 spoilers for the art LMAO#isat mirabelle#isat isabeau#isat odile#isat bonnie#isat siffrin#<- i promise this is the last time in a long long time i tag someone who only shows up with their back turned#but in my defense they also are here four times so i think the tag is justified SADASFA#time for a messier secondary post underneath the first WAHOOOO#to start!! random art tidbits!! no one is looking at siffrin in these!!#mira and isa are looking away while odile and bonnie have their eyes closed#in my minds eye these are the A4 versions of the FQ so siffrin internally is Not Having A Good Time#i just thought itd be fun to incorporate somehow as an extra easter egg detail kinda!#also i tried to make the bgs mildly accurate to location in game and its the reason why isa got to have one (1) singular tree in the bg#laaast art tidbit is that i took a bit of a creative liberty with bonnies#well i did with all of them but still#since its not explicitly stated sif god up immediately after tripping they get to stay on the floor in the drawing#i just thought itd be fun for the drawing!!#moving onto general tidbits in addition to the time fun fact i also decided the posting time#specifically so itd be in the middle of me having back to back to back meetings so can't second guess myself in posting this HAHA#every time i post any form of text based ramble on characters or even headcanons i Fear#and YEAH i am probably just being overly nitpicky towards myself on analysis that can prob be read several diff ways cuz interpretation#but i really really really dont want to fumble so badly to the point of mischaracterizing anyone since i like them a lot!!#still working on getting over that but hey at least i am trying and thats all i can ask of myself i think!#okay now time to Lie Down im writing these tags after stream#tag talk over into q u go :]#partial pin
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part 13
splinter is an interesting character. i went back and watched the show and do you know how many times this mans stopped himself from saying shitty shitty things to his kids? a lot! like visibly. and when he doesn’t this guy actually apologises?? i dont understand the fandoms beef with this guys parenting, he’s better than most parents i’ve met man istg
⇇ | ⇽ | index | ⇾
#rottmnt#rottmnt michelangelo#rottmnt splinter#rottmnt residuum comic#residuum#c#g#eugh boy the trouble i had with this update#you know how long it took me to do the SKETCH LAYER???#6x the time it usually takes me#at first the one stopping him was leo and then it was raph#then i finally settled on splinter AND MIKEY started giving me problems#anyway#if you watch the show splinter does actually spend time with them in the first season#its just all mostly off screen becuase its not INTERESTING#do YOU want to watch them train via lou jitsu movies??#for a whole episode??#i do admittedly but im not the main demographic#want to know how neglected kids actually act? go read that neglected turtle au#its is VERY accurate
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KPTS characters + The Art of War quotes
#me? making a gifset that's not Pete-centric? it's more likely than you think#I recently read The Art of War (better late than never) and I got *thoughts*#it's Korn's favourite book - he made his sons read it when they were young#Kinn studied it diligently#Tankhun got bored of it and skimmed through it#Kim acted like it was beneath him but he had read it on his own many times beforehand and had memorized most of it#Gun saw this and made Vegas read it too#Vegas turned it into a competition with Kinn (Kinn never noticed)#Macau didn't even bother - his copy is gathering dust in his room somewhere#this took me so long to make lol I hope you like it#kinnporche the series#the art of war#kinnporsche#korn theerapanyakul#gun theerapanyakul#kinn theerapanyakul#vegas theerapanyakul#kim theerapanyakul#porsche kittisawasd#pete saengtham#chan kinnporsche#gifset
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GRADATION OF BLUE WHEN I GET YOU
#took me 5hrs for this#but more surprisingly ???? TSKZ? FROM ME???????#i dunno tbh i’m a bug fan of the tskz where it’s non-communicated pining in hs#*BIG#and then every day that goes on they both look forward to what will bloom from the relationship……. but nothing more does#until they drift apart and when they meet again the same spark isn’t there#but the relationship is still impactful!!!!!! and it’s the type of relationship that leaves a mark#i really like that very specific flavor of tskz. aka first time in 5yrs i’ve done content for these two and probs will be a Long while#till next installment#OK ENOUGH YAPPING. tags#kazunari miyoshi#miyoshi kazunari#a3! kazunari#tsuzuru minagi#minagi tsuzuru#a3! tsuzuru#tsuzukazu#tskz#a3!#a3#a3! act addict actors#a3! art#a3! fanart#a3! game#ashipiko draws ♪
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Every Name David Called Angel Before He Called Them Angel For the First Time
[In order of appearance]
Dumbass, Little Snot, Comedian, Perv, Little Shit, Snot, Smartass, Trouble Maker, Unapologetic Flirt, Trouble, Tease, Menace, Idiot, Mess, Little Pervert, Moron, Buzzkill, Pervert, Fucker, Baby, Creep, Fuck, Genius, Mate, Trainwreck, Nuclear Power Plant
#He called them dumbass over 10 times before he called them Angel#I'm just sayin that very well could've been their name if he kept up the whole tsundere act#appreciate what you have davey lovers#also this took me far too long to put together#redacted asmr#redacted audio#redacted david#redacted angel#david shaw#shea speaks
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bwehhh
#in stars and time#isat#madame odile#boniface#fanart#hiii no spoilers please :-] i'm on act 3 right now!! having a lot of fun!!#“didnt you start on release day” yes but i am Slow with games#dont ask me how long it took to beat earthbound
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like do you know how much the ‘oooh snap it’s marluxia he’s evil!’ ‘wait no that’s his sister!’ ‘who’s the traitor??? who’s the impostor??? murder mystery!!!’ ‘ven is vanitas!’ ‘wait no!’ ‘the player is xehanort!’ works do for khux? even years after the fact, knowing the truth, looking back through fandom history to see what people used to think at each point in time is SO fun. i kept those kinds of things in my mind the whole time while watching even despite knowing better
#also uh. fun fact about something i did NOT know going in#i had heard ‘the player is xehanort’ devoid of context#i had seen somewhere before the quote ‘i didn’t think tricking you guys would be so easy. are all of you this gullible?’ attributed to them#i took that to mean. them talking to the other dandelions. i actually honest to goodness went through khux thinking the plot twist was that#player was honest to goodness EVIL evil#so imagine how i felt when they pretended to be possessed. like they fooled the whole audience ya#but like me more than anyone. like i was thinking they’d been evil all along or at least for a really long time#finding out it was all an act OBLITERATED me. i was so sorry for doubting player#i had no idea ‘the player is xehanort’ was referring to reincarnation#and then the following year even that misconception was shattered LOL they aren’t even xehanort at all#kingdom hearts#khux#khposting
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silly thingy
@blackkatdraws's sillies
#Bro think an “i love you” isnt enough#maybe it aint enough though#i took Black's name a lil bit too literal#i mean i've seen he kinda works that way?#the drawing made me feel a certain way that makes me sad#like everything related to blank scripts's stan#i have a ton of conflicted feelings surrounding Black's character rlly#mainly cause idk and its mostly theories#and all my theories point that he is an obviously bad person#but thats just his nature#he aint human why would he act like one#why would he have the same morals as one#you really (at least to what i've seen) dont know much about his past#you dont know how he could've developed so therefore you have no way to know how he'd turned out like this#And with Stan you kinda know#who would be in their right mind when they r stuck in a place like that#he fell in love with Black cause of his eminine features and cause he kinda knows him since he has been stuck in that place with his voice#for god knows how long#why didnt he fall in love with Mariella then?#maybe cause she aint feminine enough or maybe cause she didnt fit his standars or whatever#maybe is the time they met#i think is knowledge too#Like Mari actively chooses to be ignorant in a ton of cases#and Stanley CLEARLY sees it#like the fucking eyes drawing that i keep cominfg back to#ALSO I'LL MAKE A REBLOG TALKING BOUT IT MORE#the stanley parable#blank scripts au#tsp blank scripts au
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seems like ur doing a whole lot of "that's how the times was" in ur post about how it not "that's how the times was" :/
Would you like to explain what you mean by this? Should I have written another 300 words on an already long reblog to make sure it was fully impossible to read it in bad faith?
"I was raised in an environment of extremely pervasive homophobia and transphobia and had to actively unlearn it" is in fact very relevant context. I am trying to establish how easy it is to get swept up in The Times, but if you're a transmisogynist "because of how The Times were" and only stop being one because times changed, you haven't actually changed or improved. And if you had, you wouldn't unreflectively expect everyone to be chill about it. Especially because excuses by Appeals To Zeitgeist are, emphatically, not even apologies
#also i'm fairly private about my own gender situation but to be abundantly clear: i am an amab nonbinary person#transmisogyny is not hypothetical to me#I'm not in the crosshairs near as much as more fem-presenting people but even in the time i was describing i was bullied for Acting Gay#it took me a long time to figure out that my failure to perform masculinity was being violently policed
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C'mon, sugar. Talk about Sadida and why you love him. You know you want to ;)
SJALDLEODODOWOFLFLFKODPE9D8SWIEOODOWOEOEOEIQODOFKSOSOSKKXOSOSLSODOD
GURL
When I say this man is fine, I mean he's FINE FINE LIKE-
Have you SEEN this tree man???
Of all the gods I could've fallen for in an unhealthy way, I really didn't think Sadida would be it.
And omg, I'm so glad I even saw this green guy ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I can actually remember when was the first time I got to know about him.
I was probably 11-12 at the time, and I was scrolling on the Krosmoz wiki. I wanted to know more about the twelve gods because Wakfu didn't tell you much about them, and that was in a time when I didn't know about the Krosmoz timeline and how there were so many other works lined up before Wakfu.
I came to learn about all the gods and how they looked, thanks to the wiki, and that's where I SAW HIM.
At first, I just thought he looked cool and mysterious with his mask, but when I learned about the Krosmoz timeline, my ass watched the Dofus movie, Kerubim's Treasures' show, AND THEN ENDED UP ON THE OGREST MANGA SET (i did all this in another year and i precisely remember that the ogrest manga still has four and thr fifth is getting NEAR!!)
As soon as my hands got the Ogrest volumes, my perspective on Sadida COMPLETELY changed. I didn't expect to find so much lore about one god in the Ogrest manga, but I was so glad it ended up being Sadida!!
Not only did Mig, the writer and illustrator, did such an excellent job working with such a mature style, but Sadida had been the center of some chapters WITH THAT VERY SAME STYLE.
(Yeah, I'm going to be talking a lot about the Ogrest manga specifically cuz Sadida has been seen so much in there)
And now you're telling me the fifth volume, a volume I've been waiting for AGES NOW, has Sadida as its cover!?!?!?
THE DELIBERATE CHOICE OF MAKING SADIDA THE MAIN FOCUS OF THE COVER CANNOT BE A COINCIDENCE ‼️‼️‼️
This only implies that we're going to see more of him in this volume, and I'm already ready for it like I've legit been spamming the Ankama shop's refresh button just to see that damn Ogrest volume 5 in the Dofus section already 😭😭😭😭
PLEASE I'M SO GONNA GET FED WHEN IT COMES OUT ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
I follow Mig on tumblr and insta (cuz duh, why wouldn't I), so when I first saw that damn cover, I swear my ass freaking squealed when I saw his official post.
We even got some small sneak peeks here and there of the volume on insta, but my eye especially caught that one Sadida shot, which I think may have been from Lacrima's pov.
Just look at him 💖💖
Look at my cute little baby and his cute little cat feet I just wanna jxkskdldlldlfdl
Despite knowing and seeing all these sneak peeks and finally seeing what the fifth volume cover looks like, I didn't get to find an official release date....
Until @ol-files mentioned in a reblog how it's probably gonna come out in mid-October lol LET'S GOOOOOO ‼️‼️‼️‼️💖💖💖💖💖
My guy has game, look at him with himselves his women 💕💕
Name one other god who can pull up ten chicks like that all at the same time and keep them in his realm. THAT'S RIGHT, NONE.
Not even Iop can do that lol
The Ogrest manga made me learn so much about him that we even saw how he made the sadida dolls.
DJKSKDOSLSKDLDLDLDLDLDLDPDP
HE WAS LITERALLY A SEED PLEASE I-
He's so independent, my guy didn't even need anyone's help for this.
Like we're talking about the fact that he made his very first doll without any instructions. It's like he subconsciously knew what to do already. No beginner's guide, no anything. Damn.
HE'S SO CUTE WHY IS HE SO CUTE!?!?!?! 💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖😍💖😍💖❤️💖❤️😍💖😍💖💖😍😍💖😍❤️💖😍💖
LOOK AT HIM ❤️❤️❤️ I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE COULD BRAID HIS HAIR LIKE THAT 💖😭😭💖😭💖😭 he's such a babygirl omg.
I bet one or two of his dolls did his hair that one time lol
Imagine getting yourself a man who's fine with having cute little braids and doing anything with you no matter how "girly" or "weird" it may look AND STILL HAVE THAT RIZZ.
Iop is such a loser for that lol
I'm really sorry for bringing up Iop twice to criticize him, but I truly want to emphasize the significant distinctions between Sadida and Iop. If we closely examine their behaviors and personalities, it becomes increasingly obvious that these two are complete opposites among all the gods in the Krosmoz. They represent the two extreme ends of manhood, illustrating their polar opposition.
Literally, I'm not even exaggerating.
Sadida: plays with dolls, is sensitive to losing someone dear, isn't afraid to show his delicate side to women, doesn't mind having cute hair, cares for who he loves, plays an instrument, keeps his creations with him and only lets them out when they had to, enjoys plants and taking care of them.
Iop: big macho solid man, hides himself to cry, committed grape, is too prideful, doesn't think much, gets disgusted with anything that doesn't relate to his sexuality (no joke he literally said "ew" when he learned he indirectly procreated with Sadida in the Dofus manga), abandons his wives, put a curse on one of his kids (Goultard), disowned one of them (Goultard) and probably many more.
Like do you see this shit???
These two are so different from each other that it's weird but also ironic, given that they had a kid together lol
Sadida's rizz is superior to any other god, I don't care what you say. Just look at him rizzing up Dathura with his flute bro he's so good that he even ended up making Lacrima, another hottie, jealous of Dathura.
But I know what some might be thinking: he crafted them personally for a particular purpose, which is why his dolls necessitated his attentive handling, WHEN THAT IS COMPLETELY FALSE.
When only six sadida dolls were able to charm the dragons to make the primordial dofus, Sadida did not get angry at the other four who failed. He simply told them they made a great effort.
Translation:
Once they were all reunited, Sadida congratulated the six who had succeeded and the others for their efforts.
And guess what? Even after the four sadida dolls' attempts, Sadida never stopped taking care of them!
He even comforts Lacrima, the only sadida doll of the bunch who truly felt troubled by failing the mission.
Translation:
Sadida comforts her, telling her how unimportant the result was in his eyes...
And in the arms of her beloved, she understood...
Her destiny was elsewhere, linked to the quality that had been entrusted to her.
GET YOURSELF A MAN LIKE SADIDA ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
He's so caring to his little dolls that it's too sweet. He's clearly that one boyfriend who will immediately take care of you when you're on your period or having cravings 😭❤️❤️❤️
I even made some gifs of him cuz I felt cute that one time 💕💕💕
Some were from Waven:
I could only find and make three of him there since Waven is still in construction and the only twelvian god things I could find at the shop were the emotes and each god had three expressions you could use: happy, angry, defeated.
And others were from Krosmaga:
The first is when you win the battle and unlock him, while the second is when you lose, so you don't get him and have to restart the fight 😭😭
However, the surprising part about Sadida was that his design was still being worked on when the Dofus movie was finished.
Can you believe that Ankama almost screwed up when they were still making his design, by the way?
No joke, if you don't know this, they were almost going to make him look like a cabbage or carnivorous plant....
LIKE BROTHER EWWW NO WHY DID THEY THINK HE'D LOOK GOOD LIKE THAT!?!?!?
These two Sadida character designs used to be design sheets from the Dofus movie 2 that the Ankama team still had in their folders. The title for the second Dofus movie was called "The Return of Julith," and we were going to meet all the gods in there, which is why you'd be able to see some very early character designs of them.
(We've still got no news for the second movie, but Tot did say there might be a chance that they'll make the second one, according to this post, which talks about the upcoming releases of Krosmoz media. So if we do get that second movie, WE MIGHT JUST SEE SADIDA !! Unlike how we only saw a destroyed statue of him in season 4 lol)
I'm genuinely grateful (and RELIEVED) that Ankama threw out his old designs because he clearly didn't look good in those. Not to mention that they didn't look clever like his now canonical design ✨️✨️
So yeah, my leafy husband is clearly very hardworking and sentimental 💕💕💕
I NEED HIS FINISHER MOVE (the gif on the right) SO BADLY YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
I also already bought his emotes from Waven lol
Look at him looking all giddy and happy while twirling some plants around!
This man has no excuse to be this cute 😫😫
art by maba-product on facebook
#sry this took so long...#ive never acted so googoogaga over a tree before#LOOK AT HIM#NO YOU CANT TOUCH HIM#dont even look at him 💀#hes my pookie bear 😭💚❤️#PLEASE SADIDA NOTICE ME ‼️‼️‼️#i rly wish i was one of his little dolls so he could play with me djkalalslslxlalalalsllslslslsls#i can go feral for this man any time of any day 💖💖💕💖💕💕💖💕💖#I NEED TO SEE A SADIDA COSPLAY I NEED TO SEE A SADIDA COSPLAY I NEED TO SEE A SADIDA COSPLAY I NEED TO SEE A SADIDA COSPLAY-#wakfu#wakfu sadida god#sadida god#ankama#krosmoz#wakfu ask#wakfu asks#dofus#krosmaga#dofus sadida#dofus sadida god#krosmaga sadida#krosmaga sadida god
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Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.
I don't have external meltdowns.
I could. I don't let it happen.
I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.
So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.
She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.
Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].
It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.
They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.
I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.
I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.
I couldn't understand what made her like this.
But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.
If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.
And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*
And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?
My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.
Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???
And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.
I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*
She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.
I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.
So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.
But I told her hundreds of times.
I probably should have just screamed at her.
#good stay out of our yard' and he didn't seem to know what to say to that#but other than that I don't think anyone in my adult life has ever seen me turn aggressive at all to the point where people 100% like to#play games of testing my patience and my boundaries because they think my tolerance is infinite#but like I have autistic rage tantrums on both sides of my family and they are just happening inside my head#And somehow it took me until now to realize that being that way was actually -expected- of me by my parents and especially my mother#and that by keeping myself outwardly level headed to be considerate I actually took away whatever signals she can understand#to have empathy for how I must be feeling#I mean it's still all on her#but it makes so much sense of why she's fucking *like this*#And why my sister thinks I hate her just because -she- stopped texting -me-#but that fucking guy#Every time I was like#In my adult life I have screamed at someone ONE whole time and it was 1000% deserved#And I threw heavy objects around one whole other time and in my defense I didn't do it in front of the guy he just felt the ground shaking#heard the thuds and came back to the logs blocking his path because that fucker wouldn't stop parking in our yard after being asked#and then TOLD not to about 10 times because he was acting entitled to just park in our yard and was crushing my plants???#seriously I don't know what his deal was but he wouldn't stop telling me how much the ground shaking scared him like it was supposed#to get my pity like I think this guy took one look at the logs I had just tossed down and was suddenly afraid of this “woman” he was#bullying in their own yard and so my ability to feel bad for scaring him had gone straight out the fucking window#I looked at him and said stop parking in our yard instead of your own you are killing my plants#he'd just fucking be like 'well the last people to live here let us D: :)“ and I'd be like ”good for them?“ ”stop“#and he'd just keep doing it#I was having a week of insomnia and was finally having the best dream#the kind of sex dream you have like twice in your life#and this fucker had just gotten some noisy ass little bike with a spoiler on it#and starts it up right under my window at 3am from IN OUR FUCKING YARD#so I had a nice long anger nap and just after he got home from work and was sleeping in his house#I picked up these chunks of deadwood tree from the back#there was like 3-4 logs that used to be a WHOLEASS fucking oak tree Like these logs were not as heavy as they -looked- but they were still#this fucker deleted half the tags I wrote and I am not retyping that fuck you tumblr so fucking hard
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