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#today was such a good day ive never been sad in my life
electricpurrs · 5 months
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JUST WATCHED THE NEW DUNMESHI EPISODE IT WAS A BANGERRRRR IM SO HAPPY I WAITED FOR THIS MY WHOLE LIFE. MY BELOVED IZUTSUMI IS ANIMATEDDDDDDD SHES SO CUTEEEEEEE AAAAGH
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orcelito · 6 months
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Having lost my cat, my uncle, my great grandmother, my grandma's best friend (& one of the people who helped raise me), AND my dad all within the span of 9 months,
I have little sympathy for people who use deaths as an excuse to be an asshole. I get it, it sucks. Get the fuck over it. Your grief is not an excuse to treat others like shit. What the fuck.
#speculation nation#this isnt anything personal. im just reacting to a post that kind of pissed me off.#to be fair i was never close with my great grandmother so im not particularly broken up about that one#but it's still yet another death in the family within such a short period of time.#my cat is on this list bc he was the first one and it majorly fucked me up. so yeah it deserves to be here.#the others. well. my grandma's best friend makes me sad but at least she was getting up in years#my uncle and dad though. especially my dad. yea those have fucked me up the most.#im never gonna be the same after experiencing all of this in such short succession.#it sucks in a major way. and things are still continuously tumultuous.#but you dont see me lording it over people and using it as an excuse to be an asshole.#maybe i make people uncomfortable with how casually i mention it. but like whatever. it's simply my truth.#that's still just like. me just talking about what ive been up to. that kind of thing.#idk acting like someone needs to be treated with the most tender of touches after experiencing a major death#to the point where you cant even tell them when theyre being a manipulative little asshole?#i dont fucking think so!#yeah okay all grief hits different but ive pulled myself up by the bootstraps and kept my head on straight#even after i experienced death after death after death after death after Fucking Death#whats your excuse? youre Sad? we all fucking are. thats just life.#it's horrible and awful and it sucks that we have to live with this but you CANT let that affect how you treat other people!!!!!#and here i am making my own post venting about it instead of replying to the aita post that sparked this#bc the person the post was about just made me so angry to hear about.#but i am... a reasonable adult who separates themselves from situations before reacting in anger...#and so im making a tumblr post to get the emotions out instead of getting emotional at random strangers lol#anyways i actually had a pretty good day today. but in the way of grief. the smallest things can trigger moods sometimes.#but i am letting the emotions flow... here they are... i have expressed them... and i shall now release them... amen...#negative/#i guess lol. i sure did rant enough for it.
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strwbrymlkshake · 2 years
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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
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1980ssunflower · 2 years
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aouhhh 🥺💖💙🥰
#ot3: ❤rhyme💛easy💙#tape entry circa 1980#ngl ive been feeling like a bit sad like... i just miss them sm hfdjks#i just wish so SO soso so badly that i could go home to them both back in the 80s#to be w the loves of my life but ALSO to have someone i can talk music to and we can just talk abt music for hours <33#i can just talk abt it to them and theyll completely understand and give their own thoughts abt whatever song/band/album im talking abt#and id love to hear them go on long insane rants abt their own favorite albums and for them to show me a new album they listened to#something theyd know i like cause we love the same music genres#fuck i just miss them so much... they understand me more than anyone and get along w me more than ANYONE#i couldnt even try to imagine a person who better suites me than them even if i tried to create the perfect person for me#they just ARE already the epitome of perfection for me like we were made to know and love eachother to get along so well to be inseparable#i love them... god i love them both so much just thinking about them always makes me cry#i almost never cry its only ever because of them that i cry...#i miss them so so fucking much i keep thinking about them throughout the day#just imagining me being w them to be able to kiss and hold them and show them just how much i love them both#actually today i was picturing them here w me which is something i never do#i just love and miss them... i feel lonely and just ah... idk i wish i could go off on an adventure w them rn#i want to escape the life im living rn and just run off on the road w them chasing after our dream of being rockstars#tbh id also just love to experience the train together and get to see all that crazy stuff yknow? would make good song writing material lol#idk i feel like i cant truly get into how much i truly love and miss them w/o sounding super depressed and pathetic tbh#so i keep holding myself back from really expressing how i feel abt them
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tkbrokkoli · 2 months
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:O
#aaaaaaaahhh i missed sm on tumblr i just quickly checked some blogs and it made me sad and happy at the same time#but i rly gotta focus on studying for my exams ugh. even tho i was away on the weekend w some of my friends lol. it was so fun#i haven't had sleepovers w friends since i went to highschool which is over a decade ago#it was so good and fun even tho i didn't get a lot of sleep. but i caught up on sleep on the days since and yesterday and today ive been#feeling p energized c: today i. registered? or maybe declared is a more fitting word. that i wanna change my name and gender marker#and now i have to wait until the end of the year to actually change them. but it's in motion!#i also made an appointment for a chest ultrasound so now i just need a psychiatrist to be able to get top surgery w the surgeon i picked#i recently had a job interview for a student job as a mentor! it won't pay a lot but a bit money is more than nothing#and i enjoy being a mentor so i hope ill get the job. haven't heard back yet#also i found out that all the fellow students that i have become friends w are queer. i am friends w almost all my fellow students that#are queer except w one person. it's funny bc when we all started becoming friends we didn't know that the others were queer.#well i outed myself in front of professors and the class multiple times bc I didn't pass back then so it was obvious that im queer#but i didn't know abt the others. we all just gravitated to each other which is nice. one of them isn't even out to family or friends#at home and another one told me I'm the first person they've come out to so i feel p honored that we can be open and ourselves w each other#we watched so many queer movies and shows on the weekend i loved it#i never would've thought i'd come this far. look at me being mostly mental-illness-free medically transitioning and having a social life#being more comfortable w myself than ever#now i just gotta get a nice degree and a well paying fun job (i've had a shitty fun job before) and tackle all those medical issues i have#like exhaustion. but one step at at a time. i truly feel so good rn!! :D hope you guys are doing good as well#personal log stardate
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mformental · 3 months
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,
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dinopant · 4 months
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Gonna watch doctor sleep, jerk off and forget im lonely
#i literally have a problem#i just hung out with ppl today#i got to socialize and talk to beautiful girls#iv had a good day#and the moment im alone in my house im miserable again#there something rooted deep in me that i dont know how to fix i think#sorry im being melodramatic#but im sick of working and spending 90% of my free time alone#i can do alone! i can do it im a big boy#and i can handle and do it#but i wish someone was excited for the next time we got to see each other or talk to each other#that wanted to spend their time with me#its the adhd acting up again#i literally have this probably every few months and have a fucking melt down because im not the important person in anyones life#but im about to be 25#and iv never been in love with anyone who was able to love me back#which isnt their problem its my own#i just get infatuated with ppl who im not their type or im just not a fit for the life they want#which is fine thatst just how it is#but iv been getting sad realizing the few times iv been infatuated enough to consider it romantic feelings of love#its always been to ppl im well aware im not built for#i can love them all i want but that wont change the fact that im just not what they want or what they need#and i just keep having to tell myself that its ok and im fine with it because i have to be#everyone tells me to just go for it#but i know already i wont get anything out of it but heartache#i may be a bit thick and not always aware when someone is interested in me until they say it to my face straight up#but i think im p good at telling when someone has NO interest in me ykno#i can look at someone i like and someone i know and see their interest and life and know im not meant to fit into it that way#so i shouldnt bother them with this going after it nonsense ykno#but idk where else to go
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meeshimi · 1 year
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Yeah idk I just can’t seem to find anything interesting anymore. Nothing is exciting for me anymore. No dopamine hits when I try something new and idk how long I can keep up with hiding my mental about doing the same routine everyday. I never felt this way before and now I’m starting to lose it
hi, im happy you feel comfortable reaching out to me♡
i relate to everything you said word for word
I'm sorry you're going through that, I wouldn't wish what I've been feeling on anyone and I'm sad that you're going through it too. But I hope you find comfort in knowing that there's someone else you can relate to and talk to. It's shitty and it can take such a long time but I assure you, one day, it will get better even if it's slowly. And it can be really really slow.
I realized when im out in nature or travel somewhere I've never been before, it makes me feel a bit better, have you tried doing that? Or being around friends that support you? Even sometimes being alone helps, fighting the thoughts can be hard. Sometimes it helps to let it hit you instead of fighting it, it can release some tension.
Or even being impulsive like- yes buy new clothes! Book that plane ticket! Do something you haven't done in awhile. Even if you don't enjoy it, at least you can say you tried and you're actively helping yourself in the process.
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strawberryseeded · 2 years
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#honestly life is so sad and stuff makes me so sad#sometimes i just have to (HAVE to) take some time to reflect on stuff#try to see what ive learned in a certain amount of time. things i got right. things i got wrong#i dont always enjoy it but i need to do it#yesterday & today as well i was in one of those reflection moods#and i concluded (not for the first time) that i have a really REALLY hard time moving on from the bad stuff#especially bad stuff *i* did or bad stuff i witnessed and couldnt do anything about#sometimes even silly little mistakes that arent rly that trascendent. i just get upset anyways#thats why ive been trying to appreciate the good stuff in my life more. it really helps honestly#but i still get very depressed sometimes#cant get certain thoughts or memories out of my head for days and days and weeks and months#some of them ive had for more than 10 years. not everyday but at least periodically#im scared to never be able to move on from them#and im scared of them piling up more and more bc i WILL keep fucking up and i will keep encountering sad things and sad ppl in my life#im scared of the inability of my brain of getting past that#bc reflecting is GOOD. thinking abt stuff and feeling stuff (even when its a sad or angry feeling) is GOOD and healthy!!#thats why i wont give up on that. never. its an important thing to do. i look at the past and present and try to learn from it#but often i get stuck in all the bad stuff and its hard to see the good. i cant forget or move on#am i gonna be like this forever#?#di4ry
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likeumeanit9497 · 11 days
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metal | m.s. |
matt sturniolo x fem!reader
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summary: y/n got a few new piercings, and when her best friend matt asks to see them, she can't say no
warnings: smut; unprotected p in v (bad); oral (fem receiving); masturbation (m/f); phone sex; dirty talk; 18+
notes: hiii guys. i feel like tumblr's flakiest writer ever coming back on here every few weeks with a one-shot and telling u all im gonna be more consistent but then just not being consistent at all. i just started a new college program and it is taking up so (!!!!) much of my time, so ive been barely able to put any time towards writing for funsies. soooo it might take me a couple weeks to put out one shots (sad) while im in this program, but i swear im doing the best i can. i appreciate u all so so so so much, but matt girls this one is for u <33
─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─
With a sigh of relief, I crawled into bed. It was late, and I was exhausted after a long day of dealing with family shit. The only thing that got me through my day listening to my dead-beat father come up with yet another excuse on why he no-showed at my birthday dinner was the promise that, at the end of the day, I would be able to curl up in bed and forget all of my problems. Now that time had come, and I couldn’t wait to turn on some trashy reality TV show and lose myself in their cushioned world for a little while.
Just as I started the show, I felt my phone vibrate beside me. For just a moment I was filled with dread — thinking that I would be once again pulled back into the drama that was my father — but once I saw the name at the top of my screen, I felt my body relax. Matt was calling.
Matt was my best friend, and he had been for years. Him and I met on the first day of school freshman year, and immediately became inseparable. He was the only person in my life who I ever felt comfortable around enough to truly open up to about my problems. There really wasn’t much in my life that he didn’t know, so of course I had told him last night that I was going to see my father, and of course that was why he was calling. Annoyingly, I felt a smile creep up on my face. I hated that I loved how involved he got with my problems; as if they were his own. I would never admit this to anyone, but it really helped because it made me feel less alone.
“Hey you.” I greeted him after accepting the call. “Hey Y/n.” His voice sounded familiar in my ear, and already it calmed the sea of bad thoughts crashing in my mind. “How did today go?” He asked, keeping his tone light. I knew though that if I could see his face, there would be faint lines of concern etched in his forehead. I sighed. “Exactly like I knew it would. He gave me an insincere apology and weak excuse the way he always does.” Matt stayed silent on the other side of the call, allowing me the time to tell him as much as I wanted. His soft breathing through the speaker, however, comforted me and let me know that he was listening.
“He smelled like a distillery and couldn’t stop slurring his words, yet he was still trying to tell me that he hadn’t drank all week.” I heard my voice weaken, and I hated that I felt a lump forming in my throat over the situation. I hated that I cared, and I definitely didn’t want anyone to know that I did; even Matt. But of course, he knew anyways. I heard an empathetic sigh through the phone. “I’m sorry, Y/n.” I rolled my eyes, doing everything I could to keep the tears from falling. “It’s whatever. It’s not like I’m really losing much, but I did tell him that I’m done for good.” I forced my words to come out smooth, like I didn’t care. And I didn’t, not really.
“That must have been really hard, Y/n. I’m really sorry.” Matt’s words were sincere, and they caused the lump in my throat to grow even bigger. I forced out a laugh to keep my other emotions at bay. “Don’t be sorry. It’s better this way. Maybe now I can finally have peace in my crazy life.” There was silence on the line, and I knew it was because Matt wanted me to go deeper about my feelings, but I couldn’t handle much more tonight.
“Anyways,” I started, blinking away my tears and plastering a corny smile on my face as if Matt could even see it, “How have you been? We haven’t talked much over the past week.” At the change of subject, Matt picked up on my disinterest in the topic of my father, and like the best friend he is, transitioned into our new topic smoothly. “I’ve been good, been working a lot but it’s been on exciting things. What have you been up to? You know, besides today?” I chuckled softly.
“Honestly not much besides work. My boss has been really stressed out since the end of last quarter so I’ve been coming into the office early and staying well past five every day.” I paused, staring up at my ceiling trying to think if there was anything exciting I could tell Matt. Suddenly, I remembered that there actually was something that I had done that was more interesting than just working late all week. “Oh! I also got some new piercings last week.” It was Matt’s turn to chuckle.
“Y/n, how the fuck did you fit more piercings on your body?” I laughed. He was right, both of my ears were filled with every piercing imaginable, and I also had my nose, tongue, and belly button pierced. I had already told him that I would never get anymore facial piercings, and I certainly didn’t have much room on my ears to get more, so I understood his confusion entirely. “Do you want to guess where they are?” I teased, feeling relieved to have something to talk about that didn’t make be absolutely miserable for once. “Sure,” I heard what sounded like a blanket rubbing against the speaker, and I assumed that Matt was now getting comfortable in bed, also seemingly enjoying the light-hearted conversation, “But can I get some hints?”
“Sure,” I replied, “You can ask me three questions.” I heard him smile through the phone. “Okay…” There was a pause as he came up with his first question. “How many did you get?” Without hesitation, I was able to respond. “I got three.” There was another pause, and then. “Are two of them a part of a pair?” I laughed at Matt’s not-so-subtle guess. I had told him months ago that I had been wanting to get a certain pair of piercings for a while, and I knew he was thinking of that exact conversation. “Yes they are.” I replied, and there was a dramatic gasp on the line. “Ouch, you actually got your nipples pierced?” His voice was laced with playful concern, and something else. Intrigue?
“Okay okay, you got two out of the three. One more question left.” I encouraged him. If he was shocked about my nipple piercings, I couldn’t wait to hear his reaction to the third. He was silent again for a moment, surely confused by the third piercing. Nipple piercings weren’t that outlandish for me, and he knew that, but this last one is sure to blow his mind. “Oh god, I don’t know. Is it another body piercing?” His tone sounded so helpless, and I knew he really didn’t have a clue. “It is, yes.” I did my best to contain my laughter at this point, not wanting to give it away.
“Is it a second belly button piercing?” The guess was weak, and by the tone of his voice he knew it. “Nope.” I replied, biting my nails in anticipation. He was once again silent on the phone, and I knew he was officially running out of ideas. After a moment, I decided to give him one last hint. “Think lower.”
A new silence poured from the phone. Before, there was the silence of deep thought. Now, there was a heavier silence that let me know he finally put it together in his head. Below your belly button, there aren’t many places you can get pierced. He knew that just as much as I did. But I didn’t know if his silence meant he was just shocked, or if he was genuinely disappointed in me. For the first time since becoming friends with Matt, I felt nervous that maybe I had gone too far.
“You’re serious?” He asked, finally breaking his silence, and I couldn’t help but release a short, nervous laugh. “Yeah. Why? Did I just delve too far into the daddy-issues stereotype?” I tried to keep my tone humorous, but inside I was actually worried that was true. Did he think I was weird now? Or did the fact that I had a piece of metal pierced atop my bundle of nerves immediately turn me into some dirty whore in his eyes?
“No! Jesus, no Y/n.” His rushed words put a pause on my spiralling thoughts, and I felt myself relax slightly. “It’s just,” In that moment, I wished that I could see his face. At least then I would have better odds of being able to read him instead of just waiting helplessly on the other side of the phone. He was struggling to find the words he wanted to say, and in my mind that meant he was getting ready to give me some sort of lecture. It wasn’t something that he was in the habit of doing, but I had also never done anything as shocking as this before. I began to prepare myself for this lecture, and come up with explanations and excuses for what I had done, when his hesitant words stopped me in my tracks.
“Can I see them?”
I stared at my phone for a second, unsure if I was just hearing things. “You want to see them?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking, for clarification’s sake. I was shocked. Even with how close Matt and I are, we had never ever seen each other naked. In fact, there had been no physical intimacy between us other than platonic cuddles every once in a while. I would be lying, though, if I denied ever having moments of weakness. There had been times, when we would have sleepovers after tough days and the heat of Matt’s comforting body pressed against me, where I had wanted to throw all logic aside and press my lips to his. But I never would have done it. Matt wasn’t exactly known for his boldness, and I feared that my bad habit of being spontaneous would absolutely destroy our friendship. But now, he had me questioning all of that.
“I’m curious.” He replied, his tone nonchalant. I still couldn’t tell if he was being serious, and I felt like a deer in headlights. Just as I was about to tell him to stop fucking around, my screen lit up with a Facetime call from Matt. My stomach did a flip. “You gonna pick up?” His voice made me jump, but I cleared my throat and hit accept.
Suddenly, Matt’s face filled my screen. He was in his bed, the only light in his room seeming to come from a faint source; likely his computer screen. His face was so familiar, and the smile he sent me so comforting, that I immediately felt more at ease than I felt before. “Hey.” He said gently, and I laughed at the ridiculousness of this moment. “Hey” I replied before shifting my position in bed nervously. “So you were serious?” I asked awkwardly, and he nodded. “If you’re okay with it, obviously.” I took a deep breath. I was okay with it, of course, but it was just so out of the norm for us that I felt shell shocked.
“I’ll show you nipples first.” I said, sitting up in my bed before grabbing the bottom hem of my oversized t-shirt. I positioned my phone in front of my still-clothed chest, and watched his face on the screen. He laid naturally in bed, acting as if nothing was out of the ordinary, but the way his dilated blue eyes were glued to the screen I could tell that he was feeling the same kind of anticipation that I was. Slowly, I finally lifted my shirt up over my chest; allowing him a full view of my new piercings.
I intentionally left the shirt up to block my own vision, because I couldn’t handle watching him stare at my tits for the first time. In the dark, all I heard was silence for what felt like forever, and I got worried that I had somehow lost him. Cautiously, I pulled my t-shirt away from my eyes, and glanced at him on the screen. He was staring intently; I could see his eyes move from one tit to the other every few seconds, and there was a slight grin across his face. “Wow.” He said finally, still taking them in. “Those are sick piercings.” I stifled a laugh at the fact that he was still trying to act like it was all just about the piercings, and that there weren’t two tits attached to the metal. “Thanks.” I replied, a small chuckle still evident in my voice.
I allowed him a few more seconds of shameless staring before speaking again. “You ready for the third?” I watched as he blinked a few times and took a deep breath. “I can’t wait.” He replied, causing my stomach to do another flip. I brought the phone back up to my face as I laid back down, smiling at him nervously as I pulled my comforter off my lower body. I was only wearing a pair of panties, so I already felt shy when I positioned my phone in between my legs. I used the front camera still, hoping that it would allow him a better view, but hated that you could still see the lower part of my face.
Matt hadn’t moved in his bed since I looked at him last. In fact, it almost looked like his image was frozen. His eyes were still glued to the screen, and he seemed to be barely blinking; as if he was scared that if he did, he would miss it entirely. “Okay, ready?” I asked, using the hand that wasn’t holding the phone steady to grab onto the side of my panties. Even in the almost-dark of his room, I could see him gulp before nodding his head. “Ready.” He replied.
Slowly, I hooked a finger under my panties, and pulled them to the side. In the blink of an eye, all of me had been revealed to Matt through a screen inches away from my core. My eyes veered back and forth from myself in the phone and Matt’s expression. I could see the shiny metal glitter against my pink clit, and watched as Matt visibly struggled to keep his composure. Neither of us spoke for a moment, and I felt myself begin to tremble under his shameless stare. I grew nervous, then, that my body would begin to give away how suddenly aroused I became under his eyes. My core was flooding with heat, and I knew that I was beginning to grow slick with my wetness.
“Does it hurt?” He finally spoke, but his voice had changed drastically since I had last heard it. It had dropped nearly a whole octave, and there was a sort of breathlessness to it that was foreign to me. It was the voice of arousal, and that knowledge was enough to drive me crazy. “N-no, it doesn’t,” I replied, using all the strength in me to not squeeze my legs together to relieve some of the pressure flooding my core. “It’s been a week, and these sorts of piercings heal really quick surprisingly. I can touch it and everything.” My last sentence fell from my mouth thoughtlessly, and I immediately felt my cheeks grow hot at my accidental boldness. That didn’t last long, though, because Matt’s next words pulled all that heat right back to where it was before.
“So touch it then.”
It was like all the sense was knocked out of me from his words. I would have thought that my instinct would have been to laugh and roll my eyes before telling Matt to knock it off, but the seriousness of his tone, the sharp blue of his piercing eyes, and gruffness of his voice caused my brain to shut off. Immediately, my hand traveled to my bud, where I began to slowly play with the metal. Although I had been telling the truth when I told Matt that it was fully healed, I hadn’t yet touched myself in this way since getting it pierced, and the new sensation immediately sent pleasurable shock waves through my body. As I began to slowly rub my clit, the metal added a new level of pressure to the nerves that — combined with the adrenaline that came from doing this in front of my best friend for the first time — caused me to throw my head back against my pillows.
“Tell me how it feels.” Matt’s deep voice filled the space around me in a way that made me feel even more erotic, and I released a soft moan. “I-It feels good.” I replied breathlessly, my fingers beginning to move quicker as I squeezed my eyes shut in pleasure. “Better than before?” His question came out slightly choppy, and through the phone speaker I heard the rhythmic shuffling of his comforter. “Y-yes. Much better.” I managed to reply, the thought of what he was doing to himself on the other side of the screen pushing me closer to the edge.
“Look at me.” He commanded, and without hesitation I lifted my head up; looking at him through the screen. He could only see the lower half of my face, but I could see all of his. As I continued toying with myself, I watched him through fluttering eyelashes. Although his face had not changed much — besides the darkening of his pupils and the faint accumulation of sweat on his brow — the repetitive movement of his bicep at the corner of the screen told me everything that I needed to know. “You look so good.” He complimented me, his voice low and gravelly. I moaned in response, rolling my hips slowly as I began to grow antsy with a need that I knew I couldn’t fulfill myself.
The pleasure was growing like a balloon deep inside of me, but my own fingers weren’t enough to reach it. Not now; not when I have a beautiful man that I trust more than anyone else watching me with that dangerously erotic gaze. Just like Matt knows everything about me, I know everything about him. And so I know that, in this moment, he wants the same thing that I do. That’s why I didn’t feel any unease or hesitation when I drew my fingers away from my clit, ran them achingly slow along the rest of my heat, and spoke.
“Please come over Matt.”
It was a request that I had made to him countless times. Those times I was usually close to tears after a long day of dealing with the shitty cards I had been handed in the family department. I needed him then, like I need him now. In those times he never ever hesitated, and this time was no different. In one swift motion, I watched through the screen as Matt lifted himself out of his bed, threw on a t-shirt, and grabbed his keys off the bedside table. “I’ll be there in ten.” Just like my request, his response was the same as always. As I told him to drive safe before hanging up the call, I felt my body vibrate in a way it never had before. I pulled my hand out of my panties and waited in desperate anticipation for the familiar sound of his car pulling into my driveway.
𓆩☆𓆪
Matt arrived at my place in eight minutes, and as soon as I saw his headlights through my window, I sprung out of bed and raced to the door. There was no nervousness, no reluctancy, no questioning whether or not we were making a big mistake; all I knew was that I needed his hands on my burning skin desperately.
I flung the door open before he even had a chance to knock, but Matt didn’t hesitate before pulling me into him and engulfing my mouth with his own. Although we had never kissed before, it wasn’t shock that I felt in that moment; it was the melting satisfaction of familiarity. I practically collapsed in his arms as his mouth moved against mine as if they were two pieces of a puzzle, and relished in the feeling of his hands travelling wildly across my aching body at last.
As he held me gently against the wall, I felt his hardened member press against my core, and I shuddered in pleasurable frustration. In that moment, I could have lost all self control — pulled his pants and boxers down in one movement and slipped his cock into my aching core right then and there — if he hadn’t grabbed onto my ass and lifted me off of the ground. Without removing his lips from mine, he carried me past my entrance way and all the way into my dark bedroom as if he had memorized every square inch of my place.
As he continued to kiss me with hungry desire, he paradoxically draped my body gently against my bed. Leaning over me, his mouth refused to leave mine and his tongue begged me for entrance. I obliged, and our tongues swirled together with comfort; as if they were old friends. The sound of our heavy breathing filled my head, and I ran my hands along his body; allowing myself to feel him in a way I never had before. Each part of him felt familiar — his back, his arms, his stomach — but each new part of him I touched set off sparks of electricity under my fingertips. This was real, and this was good.
It was only after I began toying with the waistband of his pants, and he the hem of my shirt, that our lips separated and we really looked at each other since the moment he arrived. Both of our chests were heaving as we tried to catch our breath, and I gazed up at his darkened eyes for what felt like forever, until a soft smile crept onto his swollen lips. “Hi.” He said, and I released a short laugh realizing that this was the first word either one of us had said to the other since hanging up the Facetime call. “Hey.” I replied, a smile matching his now etched onto my face.
“Can I take this off?” He tugged on the bottom of my t-shirt, and I nodded. “Please.” I replied, feeling no shame in my clear desperation. Matt obliged, pulling the shirt up over my head and exposing the tits he had seen on Facetime not long before. There was a pause, and for the first time since we started all this I felt briefly insecure. That is, until I looked up to his face and saw his jaw physically dropped in awe. He looked like he had fallen into some sort of trance, and mindlessly brought his two gentle hands toward my hardened, pierced nipples. He ran a soft thumb against each piercing, and I hissed at the deliciously taunting sensation.
“Do these ones hurt at all?” His voice was soft, almost a whisper, but his eyes never left my chest. “These ones do a little, yeah.” I replied, to which his eyes finally fluttered up to my face with slight concern. “But it’s really not that bad.” I added, reassuring him out of fear that he might suddenly not want to continue. This seemed to help, as his eyes made their way back to my chest before his body suddenly began tilting forward. He leaned above my chest, really only centimetres away, and I watched as he placed two small, unbelievably gentle kisses against each hardened nipple. The ecstasy I felt in that moment caused me to release a soft moan, and goosebumps spread across my skin like wildfire, and I suddenly realized that I needed him more than ever.
As if reading my mind, his mouth then began moving slowly down my writhing body. He took his time on my sternum, then the skin below my belly button, then my hip bones, and I felt like I could explode. My hands flew to his hair and I subconsciously tugged at its base in decadent frustration. And then slowly, so, so, slowly, Matt began dragging my soaked panties down my legs. I felt like I could crumble under his gaze, but his eyes never left my newly exposed core. Blinking ever so slowly, he dropped to his knees and grabbed my shaky legs to part them. Once he did, I watched as he groaned softly at what he saw.
I knew without having to look that I was literally dripping from arousal, and that hunch was confirmed when Matt took one finger and dragged it along my slit; collecting the overabundance of fluid. He didn’t even take his eyes off of my centre, he just brought his wet finger to his mouth and wrapped his lips around it; so transfixed by what he saw in front of him that he didn’t even care to make a scene of tasting me for the first time. I had never felt more glorious than I did in that moment, and it was so overwhelming that I could have came just from sight alone.
Slowly, Matt’s mouth inched closer and closer to my clit, before he carefully wrapped his lips around it. Upon the first contact of his warm tongue playing with the cool metal of my piercing, I was hit with a powerful wave of pleasure that shook my whole body. As he picked up speed, swirling and sucking my bundle of nerves, I couldn’t control the sounds that fell from my lips. Moans of pleasure, pain, and anticipation filled the room, and they only seemed to draw similar ones from Matt.
Matt slid two fingers into me with ease, and began pumping them in and out in rhythm with the movements of his tongue. His fingers were curled up to just the place I needed them to be, and I felt what was left of my sanity begin to crumble as I approached an orgasm. The orgasm that I had been desperately needing since our Facetime call. It’s impending presence had taken control of my mind for what felt like forever, and now it was finally threatening to take control of my entire body. Yet, still, I needed more.
Quickly, before the first waves could crash, I pulled Matt’s face away. Immediately, his blissed-out expression quickly changed to one of concern, but before he had the chance to speak, my desperate voice filled the room. “Please Matt, I want to cum with you.” His features softened before understanding flashed in his eyes. Without saying a word, he stood up and began unzipping his pants. I waited in anticipation, watching with hungry eyes as his painfully hard member sprung free from his boxers. Once he had fully discarded his clothes, he leaned down and kissed me so deeply that I saw stars. His mouth tasted like me, and I couldn’t help but slip my tongue past his lips; intoxicated by the combination of me and him on my tastebuds.
I felt his naked member press against my core and I shuddered from pure lust. I was so engulfed in the intensity that I was afraid I would fall into pieces as soon as he slid into me. Breaking the kiss, Matt straightened himself out and grabbed my legs before placing them on either side of his waist. The two pieces of us that needed each other the most right now were just inches from one another. My eyes fell between my legs, and I watched in euphoric awe as Matt grabbed his swollen member, lined it up with my centre, and slowly pushed into me. His movements were so torturously, deliciously slow, my eyes rolled and my head fell back onto the mattress.
On each slow roll of his hips, his cock slammed into my g-spot and made my vision go spotty. I held onto his flexed shoulders like I was drowning and they were my life raft, and I released harsh guttural moans each time my walls stretched; welcoming him graciously. “Fuck, you feel so good.” Matt’s raspy voice fluttered my stomach, and I opened my eyes to come face-to-face with him. He was staring down at my contorted face with a look filled with nothing but pleasure and adoration. His flushed cheeks and dark pink lips gave him a look that bordered on innocent, but there was a certain hint of hard focus in the depths of his ocean eyes that told me he was feeling as good as I was.
Each time he thrusted into me, the soft crest of his pelvis brushed ever so lightly against my new piercing; granting me a new form of pleasure that I had never experienced before. I had been told by other people that the piercing can be intense during sex, but I had underestimated just how intense it would be. I had no sense of control as Matt’s cock continued to drive into me, and I couldn’t help but vocalize how he was making me feel.
“J-just like that Matt, fuck!”
“Your c-cock fills me s-so go-od!”
“H-harder, please baby!”
At my last statement, Matt showed he was listening by suddenly slamming into me harder and faster than I had ever felt before. He grabbed my legs and wrapped them tightly around his waist, and as I arched my back in pleasure he draped one of his arms around it and used the other to hold my jaw; brushing it lightly with his thumb to ensure me that his gentleness had not completely disappeared. His breathing quickly grew more and more rapid, and deep grunts fell from his mouth every few seconds.
I was hit with shockwaves of pleasure upon each of his thrusts, and I knew that my orgasm was closer than ever. I dug my nails into his back and tightened my legs around him in a desperate and subconscious attempt at getting as close as possible to him, and it was clear that there was no stopping the orgasm that was bubbling inside of me. “G-gonna cum Matt.” I squeaked out, rolling my hips up slightly deepen his thrusts even more. “Good girl, want me to cum with you?” His words were in my ear, and even the dampness that his mouth made against my skin added to my unraveling euphoria. Beyond the point of being able to speak correctly, I simply nodded my head frantically.
As I did, Matt released the deep moan that pushed me over the edge. My orgasm took control of every cell in my body, and I cried out in overwhelming pleasure as it tore me to shreds. I felt my body stiffen so much that I was practically lifting off of the bed, and my walls pulsed intensely as I squirted violently all over Matt. Just then, I felt Matt’s body stiffen above me, and his movements became a whisper as he cursed into my ear. “Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.” His moans rang in my ear with each of his weak thrusts, and I felt his twitching cock paint my walls white as he came undone in unison with me.
Eventually, his body stilled completely, and he rested above me as we both caught our breaths and came down from our highs. His cock slipped out of me, and I immediately felt cold and empty in its absence. After a few moments, Matt lifted his head from my shoulder and gazed at me with a soft smile on his face.
“Damn.”
“I know.”
”I mean, that was-”
“I know.”
We continued to stare at each other, both with matching smiles on our faces, until I dissolved into childish giggles.
“What?” Matt asked, unable to keep himself from laughing as well. “What?” He asked again, nudging my shoulder gently as I giggled. “I mean come on,” I continued to laugh, “That was crazy. Don’t you think it was crazy?” I looked at him, starting to feel the first hints of regret now that it was over and we had to go back to being friends. “I don’t think it was crazy.” He replied simply, before bringing his lips back to mine. This kiss was different than the other ones we shared tonight, though. There was no hunger, no lust. There was just love.
He pulled away after only a few moments, and I looked back at him with what I was sure was confusion all over my face. “I have never felt less crazy in my life than I’ve felt tonight.” Matt continued, and I felt my stomach flutter, “Tonight, everything finally feels right.” I felt a bashful smile form on my lips. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel the exact same way. “So,” I started, unsure of how to maneuver this, “What now?” Matt got up.
“Well,” He began, grabbing his discarded t-shirt and using it to gently clean me up, “It’s late and you’ve had a long day, so I think we should get some sleep.” I propped myself up on my shoulders and watched as he began to clean himself next. “And then when we wake up tomorrow, we’ll go get some breakfast and talk about what we both want.” He walked into my adjacent bathroom and started the shower, the way he has done a thousand times before, before walking back to where I was and helping me off the bed.
Once I was on my feet, he placed another gentle kiss against my lips, and I felt my insides melt at the comfort of his touch. “But if I’m being completely honest, which you know I always am, I think we both already know we want the same thing.” I looked up at him through nervous eyelashes, and had to chew my bottom lip to stifle the massive smile that was threatening to take over my mouth. Matt had no problem showing his huge smile, and he tilted his head quizzically in my silence. “Am I right?” He asked, and instead of responding with words, I leaned up and placed a kiss of my own on his lips.
─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─
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hannieehaee · 9 months
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hi! i wanted to request seungcheol x reader based off of ‘how you get the girl’ by taylor swift? thank you!
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content: inspired by 'how you get the girl' by taylor swift, angsty, fight between reader and cheol implied, fluff ending, etc.
wc: 738
a/n: ive never rlly listened to taylor before so im sorry if i took the lyrics out of context i tried to research the meaning of the song but i wasnt 100% sure T-T anyways tysm for requesting sorry i took so long <3
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seungcheol knew he had royally fucked up.
the details didn't matter now. it had been a while now – six months to be exact – and he still couldnt get over you. he'd see you around town occasionally, and you'd look perfectly fine. how could you be fine when he was so empty without you in his life? were you really better off without him?
he tried to move on, he really did, but no one was like you. the type of love you had was the type he wanted to be his endgame. there was no question about it. which was why he needed to fix his this.
it started with attempts to be in the same spaces as you again. he would find out where you'd be from mutual friends (okay, a little stalkerish, but it was fine!) and make sure to be in attendance to any party you'd go to. lucky for him, you were best friends with his good friends soonyoung and vernon, which gave him the perfect opening to approach you every time. at first you'd look peeved off by his presence, but after a few times you seemed to warm up to him, even laughing at his jokes sometimes. after a few weeks of intruding your friend hangouts, it was as if he'd always been there.
the day finally came in which you'd been left alone together at a party, with both soonyoung and vernon leaving one by one. it was getting late, so seungcheol offered to walk you home, which you surprisingly accepted with a polite smile. you talked like old friends on your way back, never once making any mention of the relationship you used to have. that made cheol both sad and relieved. it was good you weren't hurt by it anymore, but did this mean you were now looking for a mere friendship out of him? he had tried to bring back the old dynamics between the two of you. he had even been as physically affectionate as your newly-developed friendship would allow, but it seemed like that wasnt what you were looking for. seungcheol couldnt help but carry the disappointment in his face as the two of you arrived to your home.
"cheol? what's wrong?", you asked as soon as you caught sight of his face.
"hmm? oh, nothing. im fine. i, uh, goodnight. thanks for letting me walk you."
before he could even turn around, you pulled at his arm to grab his attention.
"cheol, what is it?"
he hesitated in speaking up again. he knew himself to be an outspoken man to a fault. and how was be expected to hold back when you looked so pretty under the moonlight and were even showing concern for him?
"i love you,"
fuck. that's not how he meant to start. and that was clearly not what you had expected him to say, judging by the shocked expression on your face.
"what?"
"im still in love with you, i- i know i fucked up, and i know i waited too long, but ... seeing you move on in life without me made me lose my mind. i know i shouldve apologized earlier. and i cant even blame you for breaking up with me, i ... i was a shitty boyfriend. i didnt treat you how you deserved. but i'll be better now, i promise! just give me one more chance. ill give you everything i shouldve back then and more. i know it's been six months, but ive been losing my mind without you. i know we could make this work. please?"
he knew he mustve looked crazy as he rambled his sudden love confession to you, but he still hoped that you'd maybe take pity on him and take him back. however, after a full minute of silence from you as you didn't meet his eyes, he knew that luck probably wouldnt be smiling at him today.
he turned to leave without a word until you unexpectedly stopped him again.
"wait, cheol," you seemed kind of shy about your movements, but still offered him a smile.
"come in? do you ... will you stay the night? please?"
your shy smile was met with his bright one as his arms warmly wrapped around yours, kissing your cheeks over and over as he used to once upon a time, walking the two of you into the apartment he was once oh so familiar with.
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missmatchablossom · 6 months
Text
Gojo x Reader Royalty AU | Part IV.
summary: you are a princess in an arranged marriage with the crown prince of the country, satoru gojo. after a long, stressful day, gojo somehow ends up at the door to your room at 12:04 am
a.n.: I'm not sure if anyone is still following this series, but if you are, enjoy part 4! I switched it up and made this chapter gojo's pov :) enjoy the slight angst + sweet fluff
tags: @lysaray @sad-darksoul
Gojo POV
12:04 am
I was exhausted. 
Weary to my bones after all the meetings and speeches and royal bullshit I had to deal with as crown prince. I rubbed my temple as I strode towards my destination, not knowing what I was gonna do or say. I just knew that I needed to see her, even just for a second.
It bewildered me how I could live so many years of my life just fine before she came into my life, and now I suddenly can’t stand a week without her. She pops into my head when I’m supposed to be focusing - in the middle of an audience, during a meeting, while I’m working - then suddenly all I can think of is her smile.
I released a sigh of relief once I saw the light still on in her room. She was still awake, even if she should be asleep by now.
I shook my nerves off as I knocked on her door softly. The one line we’ve yet to cross is visiting each other’s bedrooms. She’s practically moved into my study, and I’ve grown so used to seeing her on my sofa immersed in her work or buried in a book that I struggle to focus when she’s not around. But coming to her bedroom is something I hadn’t dared until now.
“Yes?” she answered quietly. I’d give over my entire kingdom just to listen to her voice. 
“It’s me,” I said, lingering by the front of her door.
“My prince? Come in,” she said, sounding alarmed. My sweet girl, always concerned about me. I didn’t know what it truly felt like to be taken care of until I met her. How happy it made me feel that she remembered my favorite desserts. How safe it made me feel when she never pushed me to share what I wasn’t comfortable with. How vulnerable and relieved it made me feel whenever she could see how I was feeling before I even know what I was feeling.
I carefully stepped inside, admiring how cozy she made the room feel. The fireplace lit up her space with a soft glow, and she had a book face-down on her comforter. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with her, but we weren’t there. Not yet.
The tension on my shoulders eased as the ache in my chest grew when I saw her. She sat on the edge of her bed wearing the crewneck I loaned her yesterday, with a pair of dangerously short sleep shorts.
For once, I felt a loss of words as I wondered how someone could be so adorable and so sexy at the same time. Thinking about her wrapped up in my crewneck did things to me that I wasn’t sure I should ever voice aloud.
“You okay?” she asked, concerned etched into her beautiful features as she walked over to me. 
Lord, was she beautiful.
I’ve spent hours wondering how eyes could sparkle like hers. How her lips could look so soft and shiny. How someone could smell so sweet, like strawberries and jasmine and everything good in the world.
“Satoru?” she repeated, and I wondered how long I’d been staring. If I didn’t feel like shit, I’d be celebrating how good it felt for her to call me by my name. 
“I just wanted to see you,” I admitted, watching as her eyes softened and she gave me a shy smile. I felt like the richest man in the world when she looked at me like that.
“Bad day?” she asked. I knew she would accept whatever answer I gave her. She was easy to talk to. She made me feel safe.
I decided to be brave, and let her in a bit.
“I saw Suguru today. For the first time since he abdicated,” I admitted. Her hand immediately joined mine, squeezing it gently in unspoken support. I couldn’t look at her as I continued.
“The things he said…I could barely recognize him. I don’t know what I’m feeling right now, but it's a lot,” I said, not feeling ashamed at how my voice cracked ever so slightly. I still struggled to articulate my feelings, but somehow she always understood exactly what I needed.
She rubbed her thumb over the back of my hand soothingly as we stood in silence. 
“Thank you for telling me,” she said, her warm voice washing over me as I felt my chest tighten again. I don’t know how she managed to make me feel good about unloading my problems onto her, but she did.
I nodded, squeezing her hand back. I was suddenly overwhelmed with the emotions I’d been forcing myself to keep in check throughout the day. 
She looked at me as if she understood. And I was glad she did, because I didn’t have any more words in me. 
She released my hand, taking a step back and opening her arms out widely. 
“Would you like a hug?” she asked sweetly, and I did nothing to hide the shock on my face. I couldn’t remember the last time I hugged someone because I wanted to, let alone a time someone ever asked me if I wanted one.
I was scared. I imagined the weight of my problems and stress taking her down, driving her to madness. But she patiently held her arms out to me, and I wanted nothing more than to be in her embrace. 
I nodded and stepped towards her, my heart feeling like it could explode out of my chest. She wrapped her arms around my middle, pulling me in close. I felt the warmth of her head press against my chest, and I felt like crying. I could die a happy man if I could have her this close to me at all times, if I could smell her strawberry-jasmine shampoo for the rest of my life.
I carefully wrapped my arms around her shoulders, afraid of hurting her. I felt rigid, fearing I sucked at hugging and was probably making her feel like she was hugging a statue.
She didn’t say anything, though. She just held me close, rubbing up and down my back with her palms wordlessly until she felt the tension in my shoulders dissipate. 
I felt myself finally relax, and I leaned down to rest my chin atop her head. I dared to press a quick kiss to the top of her hair. 
I didn’t know how long we stood there embracing, I just knew I could stay there forever.
“I should probably let you get to sleep,” I murmured into her ear, and I felt her shiver at the contact. I smiled to myself, fighting against thinking about all the things I wanted to do with her beyond hugging. I made no move to release her from my embrace, though.
She pulled away first, and as I watched the way the firelight illuminated her face, I felt like dropping to my knees to worship her.
“Or, you could stay tonight,” and I felt my heart stop, while other parts of my body suddenly seemed wide awake.
My eyes must have been widened to saucers, because she immediately blushed and shook her head. 
“I’m not, I didn’t mean…” she trailed off, puffing her cheeks. Something she did when she felt shy, I noticed. And thought it was adorable.
“My bed is enormous. You could just sleep next to me,” she said, daring to peek up at me. I thought I was a flirt, but this girl could teach a class.
“And, you look like you could use the company. I could too, actually,” she said. I didn’t want to return to my cold, empty room to be left alone with my thoughts. 
“Are you sure?” I asked. I know she offered, but I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. We’ve never spent the night together before.
“I’m sure,” she said, giving me one of her devastating, full smiles. I knew she was telling the truth.
“I have popcorn, and movies!” she added, and there was nothing more that I wanted in this world than to spend the night snuggled up next to this girl.
“And, I have mint water. I know you're a royal pain in the ass and can’t drink regular water,” she joked.
I laughed for the first time the entire week, and the sound of her matching laughter made it feel as though I had no problems in the world. I didn’t have the entire kingdom of my shoulders. I wasn’t the crown prince. I was just Satoru Gojo.
I slipped my hand into her fingers, lifting the back of her hand to my lips.
“Thank you. You always know how to make me feel better,” I said truthfully, trying not to think about how hard I was falling for this girl.
That beautiful blush dusted her cheeks once again, but she recovered quickly and tugged me by my hand towards her bed. 
We settled under her comforter, and I was in heaven to be surrounded by the smell of her. She set the first movie to play, and when I extended my arm out to her, she gave me a brilliant smile before snuggling to my side. 
I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so much peace.
~
Here is the link to the part before this!
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t1red-twilight · 4 months
Note
OMG OMG can you do something with angst request #10 "i miss you. your side of the bed doesn’t even smell the same anymore" with peter :)))))) Ive been sad and need some angst to match the mood and who better to ask!!!
bereavement
summary: “i miss you. your side of the bed doesn’t even smell the same anymore.”
content/warnings: gn!reader, andrew!peter, angst, major character death, grief, descriptions of ptsd, disordered eating (if you squint)
notes: omg tysm!!! i GOTCHU girl (gender-neutral). i really really tried with this one, i hope you enjoy it. i hope you feel better, dear anon. this fic made me cry lol
word count: 1k
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you had had a grueling day at work. you hadn’t slept the night before; your head plagued with dreams and regrets that you would carry as long as you would live. everyone was bothering you in some shape or form, plus, you had forgotten your lunch.
all you wanted was peter. you opted to walk to his home instead of trying to bear the late night traffic.
when you saw him, your shoulders finally released the tension that they had been holding.
“hey, pete.” you sat down next to him. “you would not believe how hard work was today. a rude older lady harassed me about messing up one of her forms, even though she was the one that filled them out.” you slouched and looked at the ground.
the honks of busy city life filled your ears. the smell from the rain lingered. “i forgot my lunch again. i don’t have enough to eat out right now either, so i just didn’t have lunch. but that’s not a big deal.” stomach pains were something that you were becoming quite familiar with. inhaling deeply, you continued. “i canceled more plans. i know you don’t want me to, but i just want to spend any time i have, with you. I can’t bear to be further away from you.” the sound of him scolding you felt like whispers against your damp skin.
you reached up and wiped a lone tear from your cheek. smiling as wide as you could handle, you tried to ignore them.
“i want to move to somewhere quieter, but i could never leave you.” you fiddled with your fingers out of habit.
there was a pause. your ears rang. “you don’t ever have to worry about me leaving, okay? i promise. i’ll stay here as long as you need me too.”
you waited; your eyes trailed downward, head turned away. the street was still slick with the combination of the oil from the city mixed with the rain. your breathing was fitful now, tears soaking the neckline of your top.
“i miss you. your side of the bed doesn’t even smell the same anymore,” you choked out, your hands rubbing the sockets of your eyes. you scanned the graveyard before returning your gaze to where peter rested.
Peter’s headstone was simple; he never would have wanted something grandiose. you and may picked out a simple granite. it was more may’s choice than yours, you had been too hysterical to even cope with the fact that the funeral you were planning was his.
even through hysterics, it never really hit you that he was dead. not until he sunk in an urn into the earth.
he always insisted an urn, better for the environment. neither you or may could handle having him sit on your mantle. you both decided that it felt too dehumanizing.
his headstone read: Peter Benjamin Parker: Lover, Son, Hero.
“it’s not getting any easier. i still love you more than anything, peter. i’m not capable of loving someone else, i think.
“you’ve ruined me romantically.” you laughed at the thought. it was a joke, even though it rang truer and truer as each day passed.
“you are the highlight of my existence. good lord, peter. you mean so much to me. there is nothing that i wouldn’t do to see you again. or, at the very least get your pillow to smell normal again. it reeks of me.”
-
peter died in your arms.
you could not quite recall the turn of events completely, but you could very clearly remember what he had said to you last.
he stumbled into your apartment through the fire escape. it got blurry after he thudded onto the carpet.
there had been some criminal ransacking the city who had a particular vengeance for peter. every time peter went out, he came back worse and worse. the name of the scum that killed him laid dormant somewhere in your mind. you refused to even think about him, as far as you were concerned, he was beneath you.
you had known that peter’s crime fighting could result in something serious, but pete had always insisted that everything was going to end up all right.
“i got him,” he had said. you ran over to help him. everything you remembered was from the third person, like you were watching yourself from above. you couldn’t recollect anything you said in response. “finally you’ll be safe from-”
from this point everything was crystal clear. you could name the shampoo still faintly straggled in his hair. it was your shampoo; now tarnished with the intense irony scent of blood that congested the throngs of your shared bedroom.
“peter, we have got to call an ambulance.” you were getting frantic. you tried as hard as you could to hoist him up, but he resisted. his arms rested atop your shoulders as you tried and tried to lift him up.
“it’s my time, love, it’s-”
“no. just let me get you to the hospital. if you hold on just a little bit longer, we can get you fixed up, okay?”
he inhaled like he was going to say something. his forehead fell to your shoulder.
“honey?” you shook him. “peter?”
“pete? peter?” you hand moved to his scalp. you tried to thread your fingers through his hair to no avail. the matting from his blood halted you fingers as soon as you began.
“c’mon, darling. stay awake, okay?”
“peter?”
your screech was pathetic as he laid limply in your arms. his chest was concave and his left foot had been barely hanging on.
-
you changed your shampoo after that; the smell of it only ever brought you that night. whenever you closed your eyes, you saw visions of peter. you could not decide which was worse: the memories where he was happy, or the play-by-play of his soul shrinking away from yours.
nights were now filled with television reruns, your ceiling, anything that could keep you awake occupied your time. when you were asleep you could be with him again. but, you never wanted to wake up. the hollow throbbing pains of having him ripped away from you again when you woke made you an insomniac.
you doomed yourself to repeat this cycle. it was as if you ever managed to get over peter, you’d lose everything that you had of him. so, you clung to every crumb that remained. even though those crumbs were slipping through your fingers like sand and disappearing with time as days passed.
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jqmalikhsgib · 3 months
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sea view
five
you were very irritated. you couldn’t believe that she has the audacity to comment on your sons post. after harry blocked kendall, along with her family, you’d blocked her from your socials as well. you just never let corbin know. in fact you and harry never told corbin who he’d had affairs with. it wasn’t like you kept the affair a secret.
corbin was old enough to know his dad wasn’t faithful in the past. part of of resented harry for it for a long time. he couldn’t believe his father would hurt him mother like that.
over time though. corbin forgave his dad. he made a mistake and got his shit together. harry made it up to them every single day, he’s still doing everything in his power to prove he’ll never make that mistake ever again.
you were currently on the phone with harry, crying. she was so sick of harry’s past trying to bite them in the ass when they’re trying to move on with their lives.
“i know baby. it’s not much we can do though. i mean, we can get corbin to make his account private.” harry sighs.
“i want him to live life like a normal teenager, harry! he shouldn’t have to censor himself because one of your ex bitches are harassing us!”
“honey—”
“no, i know. im sorry. it’s not your fault.”
harry knew that wasn’t true. if he’d been a faithful husband to begin with, none of this would be happening. you wouldn’t be crying alone in your bedroom.
“it is though, baby. i fucked up! that’s gonna haunt me until the day that i die. i—fuck! if you want, i’ll talk to kendall,”
“absolutely not! i don’t want her anywhere near you or the kids. just—set up the meeting and i’ll show up. im gonna handle this once and for all.” you state angrily.
“baby, that’s not a good idea. listen, ill unblock her, text her myself, let her know stop fucking with my family, okay? no need to meet up with her or anything.”
you sigh.
“fine! but harry, i swear to god if she—”
“i know, honey. now, is my girl calmed down a little?”
“stop! you know i hate when you talk to me all sweet and cute after ive just been pissed off.”
“mhm, i know you like it that for sure. how are the kids?”
“corbin and the girl he was dating broke up. he’s been a bit depressed.” you pout at the thought of your oldest experiencing his first heartbreak.
“is it bad that im kinda happy?”
“harry!”
“what?! im not happy he’s sad. im just relieved he’s not dating anymore. he has his whole life to date, angel. he should just be a kid for right now.”
“i think next year he’s gonna try out for soccer!”
“you mean football, baby.”
you playfully roll your eyes. “whatever you wanna call it, babe. im just worried he won’t do as good as he wants. he really wants to impress you.”
“he’s half english, love. it’s in his blood to be an amazing football player.
“promise you won’t make it a huge deal, harry? if he doesn’t get in he’ll think you’re disappointed in him if you show any sort of excitement.”
“i swear, baby. how’s my princess doing?”
“payton got sorta got in trouble in art school for saying a not so nice word today.”
“no?! not my baby girl! she wouldn’t.”
“mhm, she did! apparently she asked her teacher what a dirty little slut meant.”
“what?! where did she,”
“where do you think, harry! when the teacher called she told me she heard it from our room one night. i was totally embarrassed.”
harry laughs loudly. he couldn’t believe his little girl over heard the two of you in the middle of sex. obviously a bit traumatic but, hilarious. he could only imagine what you looked like as the teacher tells you what happened.
“harry, it’s not funny! our seven year old daughter heard us having sex.”
“it’s your fault!”
“my fault?!”
“yes! i recall you being a brat. had to put you back in your place, baby.”
at this point the conversation shifted. you squeezed your thighs together, trying to create some type of friction.
“you can’t say shit like that when you’re gone. it’s not fair!”
“you know i love teasing you, baby. but i miss you too, love. you have no idea how many times ive got a hard on, on stage. it’s not easy hiding it either. with these outfits lloyd has me wearing, i can’t move around too much.”
“what song turns you on that much when you sing it?”
“baby, it’s not even the music. the energy i put out, i give the crowd a show. sometimes you just pop in my head and im gone! fuck, i miss the taste of you.”
you whine. “can’t wait until you’re home. then this problem will go away. i can finally get fucked properly. this vibrator isn’t doing me right, harry! it’s not big or thick enough!”
“need my cock that much, huh?”
“mhm.”
“promise you, baby. when i get home, im gonna fuck you like you need, yeah? gonna make up for all the time we lost, love.”
“promise?”
“one thousand percent.”
you smile at the thought. your youngest son interrupted you right after. you sigh before letting harry know you’ll call him later. you end the call before getting up and going to hayden’s room.
“hi, baby! what’s wrong?”
hayden sniffles as he lifts his arms out. you giggle before picking your son up. “you just want cuddles from, mommy, yeah? im here baby. i love you so much.” you begin to kiss his cheek as he giggles. “you love mamas kisses don’t you, baby!”
you kiss his cheek again as he attempts to clap his hands. “god, you’re the cutest six months old in the entire world! aren’t you, baby?!”
you set up a few toys on the floor and set him down so the two of you could play. you couldn’t wait for your other kids got home from the park and your husband came home from tour in a few more weeks.
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agendabymooner · 1 year
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colour me your colour || toto w. x ofc (4)
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Summary:  Tilly Marie nearly loses faith in her passion as she refuses to listen to everyone who told her to quit. Everyone but one. And it’s the man she met years ago at a racing event she didn’t want to attend. Who would have thought that her father’s partial ownership of three brands could take her to the zone of Mercedes and meet the love of her life?
Chapter summary: Can you actually fall in love fast? or is Tilly just fortunate enough to catch Toto's attention and gain his respect and determination in span of a day? As of this point, she might as well host a slumber party as Daniel and Lewis continue to pester her with the most important topics of her life right now: her family and the hypothetical ones she'd make with Toto.
Content warning: Age gap, brief use of explicit language, discusses the 2014 austrian gp, flirtatious banter, mutual pining kind of romance, platonic relationship with Lewis Hamilton and Daniel Ricciardo, fictional family and business involved (Hearth family and Hearth Automotives Group). NO PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS INVOLVED SORRY
Note: Thank you all so much for the 50 followers! I honestly have been writing these just because I didn't have anything occupy my time and it's a good idea that I posted them up here. knowing that you're enjoying my brain's ideas, it fuels me even more into writing. As of this point I'm currently writing a spin-off for Rush and this series so keep an eye out, I suppose. I hope you all enjoyed today's race because I certainly did (Albon was way too fucking good this weekend, I shit you not). And I hope Alonso's 2nd place makes up for the Father's Day that I'll never get to spend with him. Enjoy xx
masterlist
iv. fast lane but not the race weekend kind
“Regards,
Tilly Marie F. Hearth…”
That should be okay, I tell myself silently as I put away my laptop. It’s only 6 pm, and I already wish to retire to my bed early. 
I can be doing a lot, but instead I’m moping inside my hotel room while I’m waiting for Lewis. Being on a paid vacation is nice; I don’t have to do anything and deal with people. But at the same time, I’m craving more tasks to occupy my time because truthfully, I do NOT want to be stuck in a hotel in Silverstone with nothing to do. I spent my early 20’s being away from people, but now I’m entering my early 30’s, I’m slowly thinking that I probably should’ve done more than attend festivals by myself or with my sisters.
None of the people I was around with earlier had looked my way until after they'd been told that I was working in communications and was a boss’ child. The staff from the other teams also did the same—but some of them knew who I was already and had already made themselves comfortable. Just how I wanted.
But then again, this is my first day. And Sunday would probably be my last considering that I’ll be back to my stuffy office the next week. 
I can take up the role as a consultant for communications. My father did offer me that role for Ferrari, Red Bull and McLaren—telling me that I can do so much more in Formula One than my no-good employers. 
Bunch of bullshit, I curse out. He wouldn’t let go of his legacy like that. 
I already told him about writing for magazines or simply writing in general, but he still placed these executive positions in front of me as if he knew I’d give in. Sad fact is that he actually is right; I’m close to giving up on my job. If The Devil Wears Prada didn’t warn me the first time, Lauren Weisberger should have at least taken both of my shoulders and shaken them. 
It didn’t hurt to think about balancing Formula One and journalism out. After all, it’s what I can do as a journalist—know enough about racing and engines and ensure that my knowledge is being shared through my writing and published works. 
I try my best to relax in my bed, lying flat on the mattress with my hands resting on my stomach. The silence is deafening and I can hear my steady breathing. My eyes are growing tired as they continue to look up at the ceiling of my room. 
For a moment, I debated whether or not I should come downstairs for dinner with Lewis. If there’s anything that I know about him, he takes his dear time to get ready—and I have an endless closet at home. That’s telling you a lot. 
A knock on my door makes me stand fast and rush to open it. Daniel Ricciardo stands there with a grin.
“Oh you,” I blurt out.
Displeased with my response, Daniel cries out, “I’m not terrible all the time, Tils.” 
“Sorry,” I shake my head as I correct myself, “I meant that I thought you were Lewis.”
“He phoned me and said we should head down instead of waiting for him,” he shrugs as he sticks his arm out and offers, “let’s go?” 
I nod and head to where my flats are, slipping them on with ease as I grab my keycard and wallet. 
Daniel only pulled his arm back when I wrapped my arm around it. We descend to the ground floor where the restaurant is located. 
A host takes us to a four table seat at a corner. Seeing familiar faces from the venue, I nod at them as a greeting before I find myself sitting across Daniel. 
Soon enough, Lewis arrives and we begin to talk about today’s events. Forty five minutes had passed, and we found ourselves conversing in front of our already empty plates. 
Daniel asks about my family and all I can tell him has something to do with my mother’s side of the family. I guess out of the wealthy people in my family, I can understand my mother’s connections to the automobile industry. My toxic trait is that I despise my father but love my mother.
The difference is that my mother loves us more than anything and cares for our half-sister more than he does. 
But it seems Daniel has focused on a different matter.
“Your mother is— you’re a Ford, Tils,” his eyes widen like an owl as his mouth gapes open. I can practically see a fly entering his mouth. 
“My mum is,” I laugh, looking at Lewis as he, too, laughs at Daniel’s shocked expression. 
“Mate, she’s a Ford,” Daniel reaches out to nudge at Lewis and gestures at me. “You carry that information around just like that?” 
“She’s not really putting it out there for everyone to know,” Lewis chuckles, sipping on his water as he puts it down. “Besides, if you were really into racing you probably have heard about her dad or mum’s family one way or another.”
“I don’t really go digging for information about old money families,” Daniel rolls his eyes as he looks at me again, “you don’t look like you’re happy to be here. For someone who came from families who are into cars.”
“My father insisted on having me work for his teams,” I tell him, “I’m not exactly the brightest for motorsport. I prefer the media more than what my father wishes me to pursue.”
“Have you raced before?” 
“I had a karting career at some point,” I shrug, “or at least I started at the age 4. Mum didn’t agree with it and I should’ve started at 7, but my father insisted. I was already competing by 7. My sisters were too, but some preferred equestrian over racing.”
“If my dad was a twat, I’d stop it just to spite him too,” Daniel says as I raise my brows at the statement. He then corrects himself, “What I mean is I’d pursue the karting career for me, not for him.”
“Gotcha.”
Lewis pipes up, “Blanche is a pretty decent woman. You should see her, mate.” He turns to look at me and asks, “Is she coming this weekend?” 
“With Aimee and Sylvie,” I nod in confirmation, “I’m not quite sure about Stevie yet but she wouldn’t want to miss out on your home race.” Not elaborating any further, I return to the topic, “My father is absolutely baffled when I quit karting but he can’t do much because Poppy, my mum’s dad, was still alive. So between him and Poppy, he chose not to interfere.” 
“But you’re still here on behalf of your father though,” Daniel points out.
“It’s to secure my position and family’s future,” I tell him with a sigh. I look at him then back at Lewis before I say, “Whether I like it or not, I still need to do my part regardless of how much I hate the surname. It’s an obligation that I can’t avoid but it’s alright. It’s not just for me— it’s for my sisters and my future children.” Wow, I’ve only been friends with Daniel for a month and I’m already airing out my dirty laundry to him. Is this what happens when your friends are your sisters and just Lewis?
“You’re taking your elder sister role way too seriously. You can’t even catch a break,” Daniel says incredulously. 
I can only nod as I agree; my mother’s capable enough of worrying about them and I should just be doing whatever I want. She cares for my sisters as much as I do but being cut off from my father’s side of the family isn’t something that I’d allow. 
It’s not as if my sisters don’t want to join me at the trackside; they want to keep an eye on one of each team in fact. They want to be able to know what kind of thing our father brags about. But much like me, they don’t want to be on the track itself—they’re better off being models because that's what they wanted to be. They’ll join me soon enough, they just need to make a career out of modelling and come to work for the driving teams whenever they’re ready. 
“They’ll be in a lot of magazines soon enough,” I shrug nonchalantly. “I’d like them to do that first unless they feel like carrying a headache coming from either Brown or Horner.”
“There are three of them,” Lewis chuckles, “if anything, those three would outnumber your team principals. With you alone I got scared, could you imagine Sylvie? She’s feisty.” 
“It’s not just to keep them sane,” I roll my eyes, my foot underneath the table kicking Lewis in the leg. The table shakes lightly. “I just started working in this kind of industry. What kind of a big sister would I be if I’m just as clueless? I need to know more, especially if I want to be able to teach my potential kids about it.”
Lewis, the piece of shit, decides that this is the right time to joke about it and say, “I didn’t know you’re already thinking about a future with my boss, Tilly.” 
I snap my head to Lewis’ direction too much that I’m thinking I just got a whiplash. My glare hardens when Danny and Lewis’ faces turn red from laughing too much. 
“You ought to quiet down, boys,” I hiss, not wanting to look at the people who are giving us the unnecessary attention being gathered by their laughter.
“You have to admit,” Lewis breathes deeply to refrain from laughing again, “you two got along well. Was it because of Dubai?” 
“I told you that in confidence,” reaching down in his thigh, I pinch it as he whines quietly. He slaps my hand away as I say, “You’re a shit secret keeper.”
“Wai— what about Dubai?” Daniel, clearly not understanding what’s going on, asks as he looks at me while he expects a context. 
I muttered to him, “Met Toto Wolff in 2006. Spoke to him and all that.” 
Lewis nearly cries in laughter as he speaks, “She told me about it years ago. She never knew his name–or she refused to tell me who. She said he was attractive alright but—ow, stop it, Tils.”
I pull myself away from Lewis and sit back straight on my seat as I claim, “He doesn’t remember nor think of me like that, Lew. He’s just a silly crush.” 
“Is he?” 
“He was,” I correct him even if I’m wrong. It’s like Toto Wolff got an on-and-off button in my life. One moment he’s there making me blush the next thing he’s already gone. 
“You’ve been single for as long as I know,” Lewis huffs out, “why don’t you try dating again anyways?”
“With your boss?” I raise a brow, “Are you that obtuse?”
“What? He isn’t bad,” Lewis shrugs, returning to his usual composure as he crosses his arms, “the opportunity’s right there. Why are you adamant on not taking it?”
“Because she doesn’t want to get on Christian’s bad side for fraternizing with the enemy,” Daniel jokes. 
“I’m gonna kill you, Daniel,” I threaten him emptily, making him giggle again. 
“I’m repeating what you said!” He cries out, still laughing as he laughs obnoxiously. Men! Seriously.
“He’s quite interested you know,” Lewis states, his arms now crossing as he leaned against his seat. “He’s playing 20 questions with me whenever you leave. I’m not sure if he’s interested in me winning or you.” 
“He’s not interested like that,” I insist, “I’m sure he means well because I just popped up all of the sudden today. Nobody likes to step on the wrong foot of a newcomer. You’ll just make an enemy.”
“Yeah, sure,” Daniel scoffs haughtily, “the guy who’s been asking Christian questions about you left and right— the same person who doesn’t like Christian— isn’t interested.” 
“I haven’t been in a relationship with anyone since 2004,” I scowl, trying to keep my voice quiet as I say, “What makes you think I’ll be able to have an interesting relationship with him?” 
“He isn’t subtle about wanting to spend time with you,” Lewis answers, “what did he say again? You’re welcome to be in our paddock anytime? Does that ring a bell?”
Of course I do, I almost huff out, it’s one of the things that I intend to do. Be able to spend enough time admiring his team…
“I know men,” Daniel adds, “and with the way of how he’s looking down at you during the interview? With the heart eyes making contact with another pair of heart eyes? Yeah, that man is in loooove~”
“Like it’s a fast lane.”
Now I can’t deny it. 
I like being around Toto Wolff, more than anything. Speaking to him is like a breath of fresh air after stepping out of a cigar lounge. He’s a gentleman; I’ve always wondered how he’s not married. Women deserve him. Yet he’s here, being the most eligible bachelor in the grid following Fernando Alonso. God, I will snatch him up if I can even meet his level. I doubt he likes his women like me… trashy trying to be classy.
But it turns out, my cynicism is unnecessary. I find myself thinking a lot about the things that could be. In an empty elevator, I wait as it slowly closes. But the call from outside forces me to keep the door open until the person catches up. 
The man makes it inside as he stands tall, trying to catch his breath. There’s no way in hell—
“Tilly,” oh my god. I’m seeing too much of him today. 
I turn to my left as I dumbly ask, “Bonjour, what floor?” 
Toto looks at me with confusion in his face, probably wondering if I’m playing stupid or just stupid in general as he looks past me and says, “You’ve got it.” 
Wow, not only am I seeing too much of him, I’m also on the same floor as him. 
I nod and look back at the front, I can see him through the reflection from the doors. His polo remains unbuttoned and his hair unruly after running his fingers through it. I can see traces of sweat dripping down his forehead. I probably shouldn’t do a physical examination on him.
I look at him and ask politely, “Have you had dinner yet?” It’s a polite thing to ask, right? Like I’m not coming off as desperate to speak to him?
“Ah,” he keeps his mouth shut for a second and answers, “it is something to take up in my room, unfortunately.”
“Is it?” I ask out of curiosity, “You could have joined others for dinner?” 
“Busy, as always,” he smiles sadly, “it’s an endless battle.”
“Quite a shame,” I tell him with a shake of my head. “Do people know time zones or just business hours or is it just something written on papers?” I ask no one in particular.
“My brain doesn’t shut off the moment 7 pm hits,” he tells me with a rueful smile. “It calls for work all the time. So, no. I don’t follow my own business hours policy.” God, I feel sorry for him. 
“It’s like a wire, Toto,” I nibble on my bottom lip, not knowing how to express my empathy without looking like an arse, “you can’t plug it back in if you’ve something to prevent it from happening. Like a baby proof.” 
“You’re right,” he laughs. “What do you suggest I should do? The baby proof, I mean.”
I watch him as the door slides open, thanking him as he gestures for me to walk out of the lift first. Then my mouth does not stop speaking, “Have a dinner away from your work, for instance. Never hurts to isolate your work once in a while,” he laughs at that, “read a book? I love reading novels— I am currently skimming through Das Parfum. You can even time your break before going back to work because I can assure you that habit isn't good.” 
“Do you understand the German language?” He asks me. Mentioning Das Parfum clearly piqued his curiosity. 
It was smart of me to bring it up. When he told me earlier that he came from Austria, I knew I could talk to him in so many languages. Like I knew what I should say next. Like a mastermind.
I'm such a fucking mastermind.
My mouth quirks up and I answer, “Wir haben schließlich viele deutsche fahrer.” We have a lot of German drivers, after all.
He nods at me like he listens to everything I tell him. As if he’s following an order or he’s rather impressed with my pronunciations. Nice. 
Our conversation leads us in front of my hotel room. 
I look at him and gestures to the door, “This is my bat lair.”
“Bat lair?” He chuckles.
“My little humble abode,” I joke. “I can unfortunately hear my bed calling for me. I have to go.” 
“Right,” he nods as I open my door and step inside my room. Telling myself to get my shit together, I turn around to see him still waiting for me to head in. That was a surprise. 
I suggest, “One way to turn your stressful work day around would be breakfast. If you’d like, you can have one with me tomorrow?” 
“Are you asking me on a breakfast date?” He teases, watching me fall apart with my face flushing red. He stops eventually and answers, “I would be more than happy to accompany you before we head out.” 
“Okay good,” I laugh nervously, “I’ve no one else with me anyways so there’s that… does seven sound okay?” 
“You can ask me for anything I think I’ll say yes, liebling,” boom. There goes my heart once more. He grins gleefully as he says, “I know a place nearby. Would you like me to pick you up tomorrow?” 
“As far as I know I’m the one who asked you first,” I roll my eyes in a joking manner, smile escaping my lips. 
“I’d love to have you pick me up but I know the place,” he tells me with a shrug. “Besides, it’s by the tracks. We can head down there together before they start piling up for the day.” 
Not wanting to fluster myself anymore, I nod almost eagerly and he exclaims, “I’m looking forward to it.” 
“Have a good night, bello. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, schatz. Sweet dreams.”
Oh I really am going to have the sweetest dreams ever. Trust me. 
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luverina · 9 days
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UGH i need a crush like yours SO BAD he sounds so perfect omg he's totally obsessed w you 😣 shipping it so hard im ur #1 supporter manifesting from across the world ! ANW how have you been!!!!!! missing chatting w u so bad bby 😚💓
HE ISSSS STOP 😭😭😭 my day has been SO GOOD i had the best coffee of my life and biology today i love biology sm 😊 yesterday i noticed there was such a divide between the guys and the girls in my form class so today me & this other girl decided to go n sit w the guys in the morning to hopefully kinda lessen that 😣 and it was acc so fun they’re so nice LOL idk why we’ve been avoiding each other like that 😫 anw my crush was there obv and i got to talk to him which was sooo nice 😋 we were all talking ab our subjects & most of my class does physics for a science for some reason but i do bio LOL anw i told them this and expressed my hatred towards physics and my crush ws like “do you like memorizing things 🤔” and i was like “no if i understand smth i’ll just remember it” and another guy was all like woahhh omg wtv but then my crush was like “she’s just smart” WOWWW THANK YOUUU 😋😋😋 had double maths first 2 periods which is smth i never look forward to but double maths was acc the highlight of my day today LMAO my teacher made the tables u shaped so we could all be sitting next to each other which first of all i love classes w connected tables cause the tables r so small on their own it’s very hard to fit all my stuff w out it falling 😭 SECOND i went n sat right in the middle cz i get headaches from turning my head too much and also just in case i forget my glasses someday which is bound to happen i have a perfect view of the board 😊 AND MY CRUSH CAME AND SAT NEXT TO ME!!!! he talked to me for the whole 2 hours it was so nice 😫 i discovered that he’s also lost in maths this year which is SUCH a relief i was worried i was going crazy 😭 we kept joking the whole lesson and he also offered me tic tacs 😊 in the beginning of the lesson we were talking ab the subjects we take n what extra curriculars we can do n stuff and he was like “you should join this after school club im gonna be there” like ok i will def be there then king 🫡 anw later on in the day we were talking again and he said he’s bad at physics (i know they had a physics test today so i’m assuming he probs didn’t do as well as he hoped 😣) and i was like “aw :(“ and he was like “wdym aw do you think it’s cute??? 🤨😒” and like maybe i’m crazy and over analysing things butttt why did his mind go there yk ?!?! because i meant it as aw that’s sad yk LOL i told him that n he was like “oh yeah it is sad” ANWWWW THAT WAS TODAY!!!! it’s so nice having a crush i can actively talk to because my last crush was 2 or 3 years older than me LMAO 😭 HOW ARE U CERI IVE MISSED YOU TOO!!!! i noticed the age in your bio changed to 15 so happy (belated?) birthday i hope it’s been amazing 😚
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