#to the point of tolerating some things that they probably shouldn't tolerate

[incendiorum-arch]

OH expanding on that post I made yesterday - I do think that io's perceptions of some things have really been near-irreparably damaged. not... completely, because I think they could heal from it if they sought help (io doesn't do that though! haha sobs). in that io's idea of trusting people is broken beyond belief. which kinda happens when you're raised in an environment where you literally cannot trust anything your parents say or tell or do to you, and then add the double whammy of a child you raised betraying you in an incredibly painful and sudden way.

and then io's perception of being loved is skewed, too. kudos again to their parents. io believes that they have to earn love. all the time. io thinks they need to be self-sufficient. pull their own weight. do something worthy in order to deserve love. which is how you edge into the territory of io sometimes quietly asking if I do [this] will you love me? and the even worse territory of io self-isolating when their mental health tanks, holing up to drink alone and unsafely, or pressing forward when injured despite the fact that they shouldn't be doing that. or that in their weakest moments io will act distressed and hostile because they're so totally convinced that the second they show weakness, their loved one will decide they're not worth being loved. which is why io doesn't ever fucking ask for help.

which, isn't fun to be on the receiving end of, I'll admit. but it's one of those things where it's just not fun for both parties involved.

[revvywevvy]

i'd like to make an announcement me and pyrrha were talking and have decided pat/rok/los. u r disowned. sorry patty-cake but the next time u enter the line of sight of either of us you will be eradicated with the power of gay. mostly by pyrrha. sorry not sorry.

[shanastoryteller]

Happy pride!! ATLA or Harry Potter? 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

Zuko knows he's supposed to be surly and bitter about changing schools halfway through high school, but mostly he's so relieved to be on the opposite side of the country as his father that there's no room for any other emotion.

Besides, Azula is surly enough for the both of them.

"You're just starting, lots of people are coming from different places, so they won't all know each other either," he says.

Uncle had started getting that twitch in his eye that bode poorly for their tea pot. Zuko didn't get it, personally. Uncle has always dealt with Zuko's moods with nothing but cheerfulness, but Azula's always put him on edge.

"I don't know why we had to move," she says, laying on her bed and refusing to look at him. "You've already been living with Uncle for years. I shouldn't be here. Father doesn't hate me like he hates you. You should be here alone."

On second thought, it's probably because Azula takes after their father more than either he or Uncle would like, and he's never had much patience for Ozai.

He ignores it, just like he's been ignoring her jibes for years. She thinks she understands the depths of their father's cruelty.

She doesn't know the half of it and he's not going to be the one tell her. She's still his little sister. Protecting her is his responsibility.

"Ty Lee and Mai can visit over the holiday break," he continues. "That's only a couple months away. I'll bet you'll have a ton of new friends by then. You can introduce them."

She curls up on herself and he resists the urge to reach for her, knowing she'll just shrug him off. Azula is charming in the short term and intimidating in the long term and neither of those things lend themselves to making friends worth keeping. Mai and Ty Lee were the only real friends she had, everyone else just being tolerable to amusing. "Whatever. What do you know anyway? You already have a friend at this school."

"I don't know if I'd describe him as a friend," he says, somewhat dreading tomorrow if only because he'd let himself get roped into meeting him at some diner. There are still a couple weeks left of summer and apparently he's not allowed to spend it on his own.

Azula scoffs. "How else would you describe someone after getting lost in the wilderness for two weeks with them, fighting a bear, and rescuing an entire missing hiking group together?"

He'd told Uncle that camping was a bad idea.

"I do my best not to describe him at all," he says honestly.

He's the weirdest person Zuko's ever met, but he supposes being raised by a monk will do that to a kid.

Zuko is really hoping Aang has mellowed out over the past year, but the number of exclamation points he includes in his text messages bodes very poorly on that front.

[kalims]

ㅤamongst other things

premise. kisses w/ them, and random things?

featuring. dan heng, blade, jing yuan.

content. gender neutral.

cw. mentions of blood, murder for blade lol. he's just down bad for reader in a weird, blade way ig

note. this is ironic since my first genshin post was also about kisses (AKA me getting bored so I wondered why not get into star rail)

will add others soon ig.. I didn't compile all of them here cuz I honestly lack the characterization for them so woop

dan heng

short, abrupt kisses that rarely ever come by goes as quickly as it came. you'd assume that he's doing it on purpose, giving you the kiss that you've been waiting for all day. it shouldn't even be considered a kiss at all from how fleeting his apparent 'peck' is.

in short it's torture.

keyword: assume. cause as convinced as you are that this is just some form of twisted amusement dan heng gains, that's exactly the problem that it entails. as a person wholly, he's so serious to the point you doubt there's nothing that would entertain him besides books.

you learn he isn't much of a fan of those really long kisses, once you both bore witness to a couple eating each other's face in broad daylight and you spotted his weekly shift of expression, a quirk of few centimeters. in this case, a grimace and he looks away.

he, does not really give kisses a lot. as upset as you are, you do agree that when he does give you a kiss, albeit short. it makes it all the more.. amazing? such a mediocre word wouldn't be able to describe it.

basically when you're both left trying to fit in his small cushion (he could've atleast gotten a bed in all this space.) you also learn that he's a really private man.

you've only ever shared kisses in his room, embraces, everything else for that matter. when the door is locked he quite literally melts into you. if you happen to be sitting together he just leans on to you.

dan heng in public: 😶

dan heng in private: 😊

just doesn't show any affection in public, especially if march is around. that girl would make fun of him for hours end and even drag the trailblazer in on her antics of poking fun.

dan heng is indeed a private man.

march isn't the only factor as to why there hasn't been a lot of kisses out in public. if anything he probably wants to kiss you more than you would like.

he'd be lying if he said he wanted to just kiss you as long as those weird main characters of the romance shows march watches cause even though you might want that as well, dan heng won't ever do it.

cause it isn't him, what he is. is the type to get kisses done as soon as he can not because he doesn't enjoy them. it's because he can take a good look at you once he leans back, just like he does any other day.

to admire you.

and cause dan heng isn't the romantic type to kiss you senseless, but the one to give you looks you'd die for.

blade

if dan heng only gives you kisses a few times a day and you'd consider it torture, better get ready to lose your sanity cause you're lucky if blade even crumples at your hand to give you one.

it's not that he doesn't love you. he feels as though it's wrong to label whatever emotion in his chest as something as strong as love, he won't go that far. but he won't label you as something worthy of hatred either, you're.. tolerable?

if anything blade doesn't outright seek to give you his affection through the form of a kiss. his love language is in fact, not physical affection but destroying your enemies :). (if you have one, if not. then whoever bothers you will suffice.)

but if he does, when he does it's the most blade thing he can do. just grabbing your face with one hand as he gives you one of those rough, deep kisses. it's not really desperate or out of need, despite such a wordless action you could feel some emotion he's pouring into it.

better pray it's not hate cause.. 💀

funny thing cause as much as he hates being piled in the same sentence as dan heng, in a way they're rather similar. both just preferring to witness, given their life span.. maybe it's some type of response they're used to.

blade doesn't really do the 'oh I love you' or the random hugs. the fact that he'd even stand so close to you instead of isolating himself and looking all mysterious leaning on a pillar already spoke volumes of his fondness (if not admitted.)

he just.. watches you?

silver wolf comments about it when she's caught his eyes on you many times midst a conversation, behind your back, staring. "better watch out." she says, but even with her disturbed gaze never does he tear his eyes away.

well.

kafka does take it in more stride than her. as someone who's spent a hefty time with blade, even someone as analytical as her can't tell which things he likes, and hates. besides all the blood and pain (well usually for his opponents.)

she for one, tells you that he does indeed like you. cause she can control who blade murders 'for her own good'. but if there's even a single glimpse of drop from a wound he's going feral, and not even kafka or her spirit whisper can tame his rage.

AKA... just lots of murder?

'for your own good :)'.

blade wholly believes that he doesn't need to shower you in affection, or kisses at all. but if you're really so insistent on them he'll give into you, which is surprising cause he's a pretty stubborn man.

most affection you'd get in physical means is when he completely collapses into you, perhaps a sign of weakness. but also trust. one of the rare times he's exhausted himself in his mind to the point where he can't even do anything.

#icanfixhim.

jing yuan

a cheeky man, this one.

jing yuan could give you a load, barriage, arrows, whatever describes the endless assault of pecks he attacks your face with. emphasis on 'could', he has the ability, and the freedom but it doesn't mean he's going to :)

in short you have to work for it, he says.

you can't tell if he's trying to give you one of those motivational, slapping you back to reality lessons or messing with you. you're going to go for the latter since someone as bold as he is lazy.. even jing yuan would relate enough to not hit you with the lesson card.

in a way he's always dragging the time you've gone by without a kiss from him as long as he can just for the sole reason he can see your attempts to conceal your bothered face, even better when the expression of content is all but displayed to him once he gives in.

what? he can't resist you, you know?

you have a feeling he's teasing you again when he says that but it's better to not ponder upon it.

for someone who prefers to 'conserve' his energy. he's got a lot to spare when it comes to the repeated kisses pressed upon your lips, cheeks, eyelids, forehead.. whatever his own mouth can reach. (his favorite is the edges of your eyes..)

just for some reason, one he can't exactly name he ends up giving that particular area more love compared to the others. sometimes more lighter, feathery pecks when he's feeling playful. or the occasional longer, deep press of his lips when he's feeling rather sentimental about his feelings.

he doesn't deserve you.. but if not him, who else? ;)

gets mimi to help him into trapping you inside his office, jing yuan 'calls for your presence' but once you're inside rather than the pressing matters he apparently had to discuss with you (present in his message.) you're met with the man practically snuggling into you as he keeps you in his arms.

rather effortlessly if you might add!

and if you somehow managed to wriggle out his grip. you swore you saw him give the... big... cat a look and suddenly mimi is choosing to sleep right in front of the doors..

come back or you will not get kisses for two days (he's scamming u)

note. NOT PR... hi hsr fandom 🕳 posting in a new fandom makes me so nerviosity

[jade-len]

bad svsss fanfic/au idea: random marriage/guidance counselor transmigrates into PIDW, sees the absolute mess of lord luo bingge and his harem, goes "jesus fucking christ", and makes bank.

and like. they're probably not even that good of a counselor. it's just that people lack any sense when it comes to bingge, and since he's the emperor, that means pretty much everyone. also because therapy doesn't exist. i'll give them some credit though, whatever they hell they're doing works.

now, while sqq and sqh are having a grand ol' time in SVSSS with their husbands, this random, average counselor has to deal with being in the care of lord luo bingge. no wife beam. no anything. all they have is some basic empathy and common sense people just tend to lack in here for some reason.

it's even worse considering the fact that they've arrived after luo bingge completed his plan and became the hailed demon emperor. now, while they've never full on read the entire thing, they've heard enough from a close friend who has kept up with it to know the main character is the literal embodiment of the cycle of abuse and heavy unresolved issues. like, it got to the point where they started to unironically use luo bingge as an example of how to not deal with conflicts and trauma.

really, how could people like bingge? seriously, it's just another edge lord main character with way too many glamorized issues and abuse. red flag! (hey, who the hell is peerless cucumber and why does he keep defending binghe? lord, have mercy on these impressionable young men...)

so, after being kidnapped taken in by bingge and his wives after the bunch claimed that they were a "wise man" or whatever (all they did was offer some basic relationship advice to some poor woman, who turned out to be ning yingying, who told the other wives, and it just spiraled from there), they were deemed "special" and given their personal office and a room! hey, better than being on the streets in this god forsaken hentai-ish world, i guess.

quickly, a routine was established. one that, especially, consisted of luo bingge outright ignoring them. which, they weren't complaining about!

wake up, eat, meet with multiple of the wives, spend their hard earned money on delicious delicacies, meet with more wives, sleep, repeat. the most interaction they had with the demon emperor was him ordering them around, but even then, that was uncommon. it was, surprisingly, easy to fall into the rhythm of this undoubtedly odd life. you're upset that lord luo hasn't spent much time with you? maybe you can ask! the other wives are being annoying? remove yourself from the situation. you're upset that lord luo has so many other wives? oohhh... yeah. uhm.

luo binghe only tolerated them, they knew that. and they're sure that, if not for multiple of his wives insisting on keeping them, they'd be dead for even daring to be so "intimate" with them. a little bit of a shock, if they do say so themself. like, insecure much (something that they'll probably never get used to is the fact that bingge built an entire little village for his wives, though)?

but that's not the most shocking thing, oh, no.

it's this.

"i- i tried.. i tried to take the.. hiic-- other.. other shizun w-with me.." lord luo binghe, the powerful, almighty demon emperor, trembles and sobs. "b-but he! he wanted to-- s-stay with that.. stupid, inferior version of my- hic- self.."

despite the mountain of gold they're getting paid in, is it really enough to deal with this? probably not. will they get killed for witnessing luo binghe's vulnerability? perhaps. is he a dictator, the embodiment of the cycle of abuse, and a crazily vengeful bastard? definitely.

"it's-- s' not.." his voice breaks. something else inside of them probably does, too. "..n-not, hiic- fair."

should they feel bad? they shouldn't. he's hurt much too many people. isn't it a little late? can he even be redeemed? because, they are absolutely not here to try and "fix" him.

and yet.

"can you breathe, lord luo? deep breaths, don't focus on anything else but me, okay? i'll do it with you too. can you do that for me? there, there. you're doing a very good job, do you know that? here, when i'm upset, sometimes i like to do something called, '5-4-3-2-1'. i promise it'll help, binghe. would you like for me to do this one with you too?"

they can't help but think about a small, lonely boy on qing jing peak.

. . .

after that, bingbing slowly starts to come around and develop an actual bond! cool!! he just,,, can't believe only his wives were granted the "wisdom". how foolish was he?

"i know i'm only a mere human, but i can tell that lord luo is... masking things. you can put that away for now, okay? i promise, everything you say here will be confidential information, and it'll never leak... no no there's no enemy spies here-"

"i'm not even going to question this. you go back there right now and deal with it yourself if you cannot respect me or the other clients. aka, your wives."

"no, it's not stupid. this is how people help themself, and it's okay if you want to do it. as long as it doesn't hurt you or anybody. it helps, and that's all that matters."

"oh? one of your wife confronted to you about it? i'm glad to hear that, she's doing well, i see. i'm also happy that you're listening too, really."

"yes, and when something like that happens, you--- no- don't pull out xin mo now. what did we say about that? good job."

"here, can i touch your hands, binghe? there we go. when you're unsteady, you feel the need to pick at your skin, correct? well, let's try a few different things to keep those hands busy! it must be quite stressful being an emperor. how about we start with crocheting! it's quite popular back at my hometown."

"your mother sounds like a wonderful woman, lord luo. hey, how about you take a small break and visit her, okay? you want me to come with you? of course, it'd be an honor."

and thus, the story of the poor transmigrator counselor continues on with luo bingge added to their schedule!! this could be read as romantic or platonic lol. but i was thinking of this as luo bingge obtaining his first actual friend. it takes a long while due to bingge's... bingge-ness, but eventually it all works out lmao

[copperbezel]

Zephyr Slip

At the end of last year, before I'd begun working on Bit Cobalt, I ran into some paleoart of Austroraptor, a dromaeosaur (raptor) from Argentina. Austroraptor is one of the largest dromaeosaurs, with a long, narrow, Big Bird snoot, conical teeth that probably point to fishing, and small forelimbs, as well as leg proportions that hint at a runner. Much of the paleoart I saw depicted Austroraptor in waterbird colors, which gave it a soft and friendly appearance, immediately my new favorite dinosaur.

So I drew an Austroraptor and then a robotic one, adding a quail topknot or ahoge feather, and started to think about making a transforming figure that would change from this animal into a humanoid robot. But a transformation from cute robot girl to cute robot girl, except one of them is a dinosaur, seemed a bit redundant, and there would be compromises in both directions that would detract rather than add.

But a couple of months later, I saw a particular motor scooter and something clicked, and the game was on. I love motor scooters, and they're a fantastic accessory for other figures on the shelf. I went through two foamcore prototypes to nail down the transformation, making it as simple and sturdy as I could manage and making sure both modes would scale well with other 1/12 scale figures.

I also started collecting some reference images for details I could nab and integrate, and to nail down the scaling of the scooter.

After I had something that worked, I drew up some concept art for both modes and started modeling. I was able to streamline the design a couple of steps further in the 3D model, and then it was all carving up shapes, fine tuning, etc. Probably the longest phase of modeling was after I had my model roughed out into shape, but needed to build the joints, firm up the edges, define all the contact surfaces, and apply subdivision surfaces. I found it useful to rig the model and set a couple of animation steps in Blender for the two modes so I could simply page back and forth between them.

I had to set the design on the back burner while I worked out the kinks with my 3D printer and built my last couple of projects. Then I made a test print to identify any trouble spots, and after a couple of tweaks to get the feel right, it was time to print and finish the real thing. Zephyr Slip is the first thing I've printed in "color", and thanks to some dyes I need to experiment with more, she won't be the last. That means a much more durable finish for parts that have to slide against one another or clip into place. I did add a gloss coat to some surfaces of the black elements, but it shouldn't show chipping much. (Unlike the kickstand, thanks to my terrible decision to paint its feet.)

Like my previous figures, Zephyr's eyes (and console) are just printed gloss paper under a coat of gloss varnish, and her headlights and taillights have some clear resin poured in over the paint and cured into place for lenses.  Cutting plastic windows like the ones on my Vertigo GT for the lower headlights didn't have the same effect, so they got the same clear resin treatment. The decal designs themselves were made in Blender, because I've given up on Inkscape's interface, but I think they came out okay.

The joints are almost exclusively 3mm ABS rods, although her hip joints are Kotobukiya Hexa Gear joints, which gave me a sturdy pin and hinge in a compact package and without visible pegs. I'm looking into options to make the pegs show less while being easy to remove for the construction and painting process. Despite some care with the tolerances, I did have to widen some peg holes and mush some pegs during assembly to get her pose well and snap together tight into either mode. But everything does clip solidly into place, resulting in a really playable figure. 

As my first fully transforming figure and also my largest, Zephyr Slip is definitely the biggest figure project I've tackled so far, and I'm extremely happy with the results. Posability is probably her weakest area, but she can pounce and emote, and with her solid handfeel and satisfyingly snappy transformation, I'm happy with the design. 

Paleontologically, I've followed most of the proportions of the real animal, although her torso should be a little bit longer, and her tail half again as long. She should also have visible first fingers, and I'm playing into the paleoart meme of bare snouts on dromaeosaurs that shouldn't have them. The proportion of thigh to shin is exaggerated, and the tail should have some left-right sway even if it's inflexible in the vertical axis. But it pleases me that she is both a roughly accurately scaled Austroraptor, and also a fairly realistically scaled scooter (if a bit chunky).

As always, due credit to @aprilpowered and Workbenchmaniac for support and feedback along the way, as well as Nemocyte (Tumblr | Twitter), whose feedback helped me to work out (among other things) the articulation needs of a theropod figure, something I'd never had to think about before.

[rocksibblingsau]

do you have any specific ideas of things that Pop trolls would do that would upset Branch and other techno trolls in general?

How they would react to Branch coming back is a big one. Not just because they think Techno culture is weird and different (tbf all tribes think that of each other a bit so that's a given) but the overall attitude of 'of course Branch isn't acting right' and the attempts to correct his behavior.

Have you guys ever heard anyone say 'Never insult someone's smile/laugh because they will feel bad every time they are happy'? The Techno Tribe doesn't appreciate seeing Branch enjoying himself only to be told he's not having fun the right way. Especially when it's not a Techno-specific trait, but rather one he had while a Pop Troll.

Their passive aggressiveness and subtle rude remarks would also bother Techno Trolls because if you don't like someone, you shouldn't pretend to while also talking badly about them. They're also of the 'if you want to be rude to someone, have the confidence to do it right' mindset. If you wanna say someone is annoying, if you're telling everyone in town then you better tell them too. Obviously venting is a different matter but with Techno Trolls you'll know if they dislike you because you're the first person they'll tell.

The one crux of that is Techno Trolls can't actually really tell what's a backhanded compliment or snide remark, so they may be told one of those and not be able to tell it's meant to be rude, so they miss the chance to tell someone off.

An example:

Pop Troll, clearly disinterested: Wow Branch as fun as it is listening to you talk about kelp, do you have any other stories about living in the ocean with raving techno trolls? Synth, very interested: Yeah Bro, these are wayyy too many fun facts all at once! I'm getting too invested in kelp now! Oh we should totally have some kelp salad!

If in this scenario Synth had been aware that the Pop Troll was trying to insinuate that Branch was being boring and to change topics to something that they actually cared about, he would have probably said something like 'Hey! If you don't like hearing him talk, you have two legs you can walk away with!' He took the words as truthful though, and genuinely believe this person liked hearing about kelp but wanted to switch topics as a quick breather from the wonders and majesty of kelp.

Same with backhanded compliments/passive aggressive 'observations'.

Pop Troll: You talk a lot. Synth: Really? Cool!

It's possible for a Techno Troll to accidentally tolerate a lot of bullying simply because they don't know bullying is happening. If you point out to them the conversation they've been having for the past 20 minutes has actually been just a subtle insult-fest of someone however they will immediately go off on the person.

[finniebae]

No One Wants 2 Be Alone

Summary: Boris just needs to think, not have you taking up what little space he has Tw: !!Domestic Violence/Abuse Mentioned!!

Boris wondered how he had got to this point, sitting alone. He pushed a hand through his hair and sighed. He couldn't believe that he had ended up in this predicament. Yet, here he was, alone again. Maybe this was how his life was supposed to be. He always knew he was destined for loneliness.

It was... predictable for a man like him. There was nothing likable about him. He was just an asshole. And a part of him hated that he had been one to you. While Boris liked you- Well, like is a strong word- tolerated you, he could sometimes have 'moments' around you. He didn't mean to blow up or be mean to you, but sometimes being around you in those times just made him explode. Just like today.

It had only happened a few hours prior. He had just gotten into it with his father, so he decided to head to the park. He felt at peace there, because no one was ever there. Nobody would spend there time at a park when there was more fun things to do. Well- Expect you.

"Boris?"

He turned towards the familiar voice and sighed when seeing you. Like previously stated, he didn't hate you- But you weren't someone he wanted to see. Maybe he didn't want you to see him vulnerable and think of him as less manly. But why would he care how you saw his masculinity?

"Are you okay?"

He turns away from you as you take a seat on the swing next to him. He doesn't look at you, deciding that he'd rather you just leave him alone.

"I ran into Theo."

Of course you had. Why would he be surprised? You probably talked to each other about him behind his back. He didn't expect either of you to truly like him- But... he was to blame for this anxiety and fear of people hating him.

"He said you got into a fight with your dad."

He finally looks at you, angered that you would even mention it. How dare you talk about his home life. "It's none of your business."

"Yeah... I guess..." You looked away from the male, feeling intimated by his glare. "You know... It's not okay-"

"Don't."

You frown, but understood. Being in the same predicament, you could understand his distrust and distance from such things.

"Okay... Um, but you know, if you ever want to talk-"

"I don't."

"Alright. I get it."

"Do you?" He tilts his head. His accent almost made it sound like he was joking, but you knew he was being condescending.

Men liked to do that to you- Where they had some level of superiority over you for whatever reason. You didn't understand it. In fact, it kind of hurt and while you understood his 'offish'- ness, it didn't stop you from being upset by his words. Of course you understood, but he didn't need to know that... When that thought entered your mind, you realized you had no right to know his story.

"Okay. Yeah, I get it. You know if you want to be alone," You stand up, "I'll leave you alone. But... No one wants to be alone."

"I do."

You frown. "Okay. I'll leave you alone."

And leave him alone you did. When he realized he was alone, it really brought him down. Maybe he shouldn't have pushed away. Maybe you were right, though he'd never tell you that... But, did he really want to be alone?

[scrubbinn]

Mimic HRT: 18 months “Happiness”

You've reached the cutest M- M- M- Mimic ever! Please leave a message after the beep!

“… excuse me what day is it? Thursday? Ok. Thursday. Hey Mayday, I want you to actually listen to this message. Because I know you, and you’re probably being a dummy and beating yourself up about it. It’s not your fault ok? The doctor says I'll be out of the hospital soon, at least hopefully soon. I heard the doctors talking about an experimental treatment involving using that slime medication to regrow organs. It sounds terrifying but wouldn't that be neat, being a little bit slime. I'd get to see what it's like to be you… You better call me back, you got it! I'm not in any danger and I’ve been told I’ll recover one way or another. The medical stuff here is like really advanced compared to back home so I'm going to be fine. I've gotten visitors, you know. Mom came by and asked how you were. You know no one is mad at you right? A lot of our friends visited, and I found out they don’t even know what you look like! Come on, you know they all wanted to see you now that you’re fully a mimic… Please don’t start hating yourself because of this. It's understandable what happened, It's mostly my fault anyways. I shouldn't have startled you like that, I just saw you panicking and I had to do something. It's those assholes’ faults, not yours. I know I keep saying it but I know you, and you don’t listen until I tell you this stuff like eight times!”

“Excuse me Ms. Franks, We need phones off to discuss the next procedure. This will just be a moment of your time.”

“I just need to finish this call. Give me two more minutes. Anyway, you better call back ok hun? I don’t know how long that’s going to be an option, Surgery is starting today or tomorrow. You better call before than. I’m gonna be so mad if I get back to your place and you’re in another cocoon hiding away. So you better call ok! I love you Mayday. There, now you have to call me so you can say it back. Mwa! Later hun! I love you. So much.”

* * *

“Recording of Mayday… uh, Friday. Date… doesn’t matter. I, I’m not doing well. I don’t. I just finished crying for an hour and I feel well enough to record something so I don’t have to deal with Erian getting on my case! Sorry I shouldn't yell about him, it's not his fault. I said well enough but, well enough doesn’t mean I’m actually well. I- I don’t know if I can talk about it yet. I hurt Abi. I hurt her completely and irreparably. I don’t know what to do. I thought I was finally getting it. I was happy being a mimic and I still am. It felt like I was intangible before. Like my human body wasn’t real and could just pass through everything if I wasn’t careful. Now I feel so solid. I feel this body and I’m not rejecting it. But it is real now. It’s present. It can bump into things if I’m not careful. I am finally physically me and it feels impossible to navigate a world now. I didn’t know. Why doesn’t living come with a guide book that can tell me what I’m doing wrong. Was it from backing away? Should I have fully become a mimic and just left everyone I know. It’d be sad, sure, but it probably would have been safer. Erian told me if I continued on my crossroads I'd eventually calcify my outer layer to form a shell around me. Like a treasure chest or whatever a soap mimic turns into. Maybe if I was a chest I could lock myself away so I didn't actually hurt anyone. I don’t know anymore. What would even happen to me if I did that? Would I end up in a zoo? Would I eventually forget this whole thing and escape to hurt even more people? What the hell even is a mimic!? Oh universe, I’m just tired of thinking and having to exist. I should get some water or something. I’d like to get coffee, but as it turns out, caffeine is basically a poison to me at this point, and not one I can build a tolerance for… but the taste of poison would be better than what I taste now. Aria was right. The taste never leaves.

“I still haven’t called her back. I’ve been listening to her voice mail over and over but I can’t face her. I don’t have the right. She’ll be starting her surgery and I was told she’d be asleep for a while. I want her to wake up and the first thing she sees is me. I don’t know if I’ll be ready for that. What the hell am I saying, she wouldn't want to see me, I'm the reason she's in a hospital! I wonder if she decided to go with that slime treatment Erian patented. Slime buddies huh. Feels a little rude to enjoy that idea so much. I hope everything turns out ok. I want to talk to her again. I- I'm done. I just want to lie down for a while. End recording.”

* * *

Written report filed by Theodore Hans Erian, date, August 24th. Saturday It has come to my attention that a current patient by the name of Mayday Mulberry has begun to exhibit inhuman behaviors that have led to the injury of a human over the course of her treatment here. The event began one week ago when visiting outside Hypercity with the victim of the attack. This event has been documented through the testimony of several people at the scene, including the victim and the perpetrator. The incident began at a local sushi restaurant as the victim and perpetrator were patronizing the establishment. During their time at the restaurant, the perpetrator was verbally assaulted by several customers of the establishment using several anti-therian insults. These insults were deemed as unprompted as most of the witnesses there claim that Mayday Mulberry “insulted their species with its existence.” This harassment eventually led to the perpetrator panicking and running away, leading into a panic attack outside the restaurant in a shared parking lot. The victim followed and attempted to console the perpetrator with a hug, and unfortunately a mimic mouth from the perpetrator bit the victim. The victim lost a large chunk of flesh in the process. This led to damaged tissue, a hole in the stomach, and severe blood loss. The victim was taken to a hospital within Hyper city in time for treatment and was eventually stabilized. Because the incident took place within the parking lot of the restaurant within the perpetrator’s car, the restaurant has little chance to file any successful lawsuit. The victim has also declined to pursue any legal options at this time. It is within our opinion based on these facts that Mayday should be placed under house arrest and further punishment will be deliberated between our clinic, and Hyper city’s government, with a thorough psychological screening and Ms. Mulberry's medical records.

“Oh Ms. Mulberry, you’ve really done it now. You’ve already been a headache for this establishment but this is something much more serious. This affects the relationship between Hyper city and the outside worlds. Not to mention, this could seriously damage the clinic’s reputation and leave thousands of potential clients left without a place to obtain safe treatment. I will do what I can to make sure you suffer a lighter punishment from Hyper city, but you've caused a major incident that our mayor will absolutely use against all therians. If you’re not careful, you might end up in a situation far worse than living in a zoo for the rest of your life. If you’ve found a lawyer yet, please have them contact me to discuss the ramifications of your actions. In the meantime, I recommend you speak with a therapist on recent events. Situations like this can be just as dangerous for your mental state as they are with your friend’s physical state. Please call back when you get this message. Erian.”

* * *

“What are you doing Mayday?”

“I’m hiding away. Might as well stay here. I’m under house arrest after all. Or are you too stupid to remember the fact that you caused it?”

“There’s no need to take that tone against me. Insults will get you nowhere. I am asking why you aren’t picking up that phone? It’s still ringing. It’s from the hospital.”

“I know. I just, I don’t have to pick it up right?”

“You should. We need to know how she’s doing. You’re making nonsensical excuses not to have anything change. I don’t understand that, you literally took this medication so you can change forever. What was it how you originally described yourself? You were certain that you wouldn’t be certain. You need to see how she’s doing. To be certain. You owe it to her to check. She’s the reason you started your slime journey! She’s the reason you’re happy!”

“Am I happy? Because it feels like ever since Mayday decided to start this medication, nothing has gone right. Mayday ran away and I was left to pick up the pieces of her life. I can’t even tell if I’m supposed to be her, or if I’m someone new. I certainly don’t get treated like I’m new, I get treated like I just got a bump on the head and I’ll be right as rain in a month! I hate that I can’t be me.”

“You could always tell her that.”

“But she hates me. I nearly got her killed, for all I know she could be dead.”

“We won’t know until we pick up that phone, and then you can grieve.”

“Will it be ok? Can I stop hurting when I know?”

“I can’t promise that, but it’s easier when you talk to people…”

“…Hello?”

“Mayday! Oh my god, I couldn’t reach you at all yesterday! Are you ok?! Are you eating properly? Did you turn into a cocoon again? When can you visit? Do you need a kiss? Because I need a kiss from you right now!… Hun? Are you laughing? I can’t hear you, your phone sounds muffled.”

“…Hi Abi! I’m just. Really happy is all.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[youunravelme]

hi kenn!! happy 1k i’m so proud of u! 🩷🩷

i’m not sure if i’m allowed to use multiple prompts so feel free to just use one!!

“what the hell was that for?” + “how dare you speak to me that way?” aka angst with either tito or barzy whoever u feel like!! :) 🫂

you are for sure allowed t use multiple prompts! and what angsty prompts you have chosen dear god. BUT i had fun with this! SEND MORE ANGSTY PROMPTS (they will probably all end happily because i hate conflict but oh well). because this is a little angsty i put some warnings below:

warning: volatile relationship with family (i.e. your mom)

you weren't exactly sure how it started, but you knew the second mat slammed the front door that things had to be over.

right?

it's not like you wanted it to be, deep down you loved him but today, yesterday, you wanted to throttle him.

you sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose.

no you didn't.

you loved him.

god you loved him.

so why were you crying on the couch? why were your hands shaking? wasn't love enough? couldn't it be enough? shouldn't it be enough?

"what the hell was that for, jackass? you're just gonna go ape shit on anyone who so much as looks at me the wrong way? i can't believe you!"

"me? you can't believe me? you're just gonna let her talk to you like that and i have to sit and watch? i can't do that!"

"she's my mother, mat! i don't know what you want me to say!"

"i want you to say that how she talks to you is horrible and unacceptable. i want to hear you say that you deserve better than to be undermined and compared to other people by someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally." you refused to make eye contact with him, staring at his shoes instead. "will you at least look at me?"

"it was none of your business, you should've just kept your mouth shut."

"like hell i am!" he threw his hands up. "i don't let anyone talk about the people i love like that, especially the love of my life. and especially when that person is a grown ass woman."

looking back on it, you weren't sure why you reacted the way you did. in mat's defense (which was a side you took often), you wouldn't have tolerated anyone talking bad about him either.

so why did you accept it from your mom? why did you accept that behavior from her?

when you closed your eyes you could still hear her shriek "how dare you speak to me that way?" you could see the fire in her eyes and the ice in mat's.

you should've kept your mouth shut. should've thanked mat for defending you. should've hugged and kissed him when you got home for sticking up for you yet again.

but you let this stockholm syndrome grip your mother had on you destroy the greatest thing that had ever happened to you, possibly irrevocably.

your hands shook at the idea of losing him, at not wearing his jersey to games, at not curling up in bed while you traced shapes into his chest. your heart ached at the thought of no longer calling him, yours, at not belonging to him anymore at--

mat stormed back through the door, so hard that it creaked on its hinges. but he did the due diligence of shutting it much quieter than he had before.

he pointed at you, his hand was shaking and when you got a good look at him, his cheeks were wet and his eyes glistened.

"i love you," he said. "i will love you until my dying breath and that means not allowing people to talk shit about you. i don't care if it's my friends, my fans, my family or your mom. i won't have it. i love you too much to let someone tear you down. so i won't apologize for sticking up for you, i will never apologize for advocating for you, but i will apologize for yelling at you and letting my ego get the best of me. i never want to hurt you, so if i did that tonight, hear me when i say i am so sorry."

to say you were a blubbering mess by the end of his speech would've been an understatement. you all but launched yourself off the couch and into his arms, where he readily accepted you.

you sobbed into his chest while he rubbed his hands up and down your back as he pressed kisses into your hair.

"i'm sorry, i should've been grateful, i should've been--"

"she's your mom, baby, i get it. just know that i'm never gonna let her disrespect you again as long as i'm around, okay?" he pulled you back just to cradle your face in his hands. "i love you."

you gave him a watery smile right as he kissed your forehead. "i love you too."

[wordsarelife]

all american bitch

pairing: anthony lockwood x fem!reader

summary: everyone knew there was something wrong in the way that quill talked to you, and slowly you started noticing as well

warnings: swearing, making out, sexual references, trauma, death of a relative and quill acting like a jerk

a/n: i don't particulary like quill in this fic and i'm not really sure if his character development (or the reasons why he did what he did) makes sense, but i just love to write happy endings, so please just ignore it lol

lockwood was doing what he did often, watching you sit on a stair, wating for your brother to come back, without moving a muscle.

"do you see that?" lockwood turned his head to look at george, pointing you out to his friend "he just lets her sit there and disappears for gods knows how long"

"it's a shame" george nodded and lockwood couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or genuine. "but everyone knows how he treats her, lockwood and it's her own decision, that she tolerates that. i don't think she would fancy you saving her"

lockwood decided to ignore the last thing george had said "how bad of a brother do you have to be for everyone else to know?"

george just shrugged and lockwood was ready to repeat what he had said (for the simple need of getting an answer), when lucy entered his field of vision and involuntary declared herself his new victim.

"thank you, george" lockwood patted his friends shoulder, while pushing his empty glass into the hands of one very confunsed george.

"do you see that?" lockwood stepped next to lucy, without bothering to think of a new introductory sentence.

"huh?" lucy turned her head to the side, confused by lockwoods sudden appearance. "what did you say?"

lockwood pointed in your direction and lucy followed his eyes

"y/n?" lucy asked, not sure what lockwood was saying

"yeah, y/n" lockwood nodded aggravated "just y/n" he took a glass of champagne from one of the servers trays, downing it at once. "he left her waiting again. i thought maybe you could go talk to her, you being a girl and all"

lucy rolled her eyes, glaring at the boy "you want me to go over there and tell her to not accept her brother treating her horribly?"

"precisely"

"her brother who's a decorated member at fittes?"

lockwood nodded again "forget it" lucy shook her head, laughing dryly "i'm not getting involved in quill kipps' mess"

"it's y/n's mess too!" lockwood said angrily, outstretching his arm and pointing his hand in your direction

"why don't you go over there?" lucy crossed her arms, smiling triumphantly.

"because it's not my business?" lockwood said a bit too fast, not thinking his answer through. lucy send him a blank stare. "yeah, i'll just go over there" lockwood said quickly, not in the mood to fight with lucy and lose once again

"yeah, you better" lucy waved at him

lockwood groaned under his breath, putting his empty glass on an abondened table, before he continued his walk in your direction. as always, you were looking beautiful. your hair was curled and your dress had the most beautiful maroon color he had ever seen.

you turned your head in his direction, noticing him, when he was a few meters away. it wouldn't have taken a genius to see that anthony lockwood was in love with you, and still you had never noticed.

"hey" lockwood smiled, holding out his hand to help you up "you shouldn't be sitting on those stairs, your dress might get ruined"

"oh, well, quill has been gone for some minutes and it was too tiring to stand this entire time"

"why don't you join our table, then?" lockwood suggested

you looked through the crowd of people, trying to find quill. you laughed, unsurely, before you finally nodded "it probably wouldn't hurt" you smiled, taking him up on his offer and following him through the crowd.

"hey guys!" you smiled once your sight fell on george and lucy. both of them just stared back at you with big eyes. "sorry" you scratched your arm "do i have something on my face?" george quickly shook his head, while lucy stayed motionless in place

finally. "lockwood" lucy said through gritted teeth "could i talk to you for a second?"

you send a confused look in lockwoods direction, who just smiled at you, totally unaffected by lucy's threatening tone. "why don't you sit down with george?" he pulled back one of the chairs for you to sit down "we'll be back in just a second"

you nodded, sitting down on the chair. lockwood and lucy didn't really walk far until they started discussing. you could make out some words like 'kipp's mess' and 'saviour complex' that lucy directed at lockwood.

you smiled awkwardly at george. "how do you.. like the party this far?"

"eeh, it's fine" george looked anywhere but at you

"food and drinks are free" you smiled, nudging him "that sounds a bit better than just fine, doesn't it?"

george shrugged, seemingly uninterested in holding up a conversation with you and before you could start another hopeless attempt to get him to speak, lockwood and lucy were already back. by the looks of it they were not able to sort out their differences.

lucy sat down in the chair next to george, crossing her arms and sending looks at lockwood that could've killed.

lockwood, absolutely unbothered, didn't even look at her. instead he was watching you. "do you want to eat something?" he asked "we haven't ordered anything yet"

you shook your head "nah, i promised quill that we would eat together"

"how long has he been gone for?" lockwood asked intrigued

you shrugged your shoulders "i don't know, an hour maybe?"

"woah, that's pretty long, right guys?" lockwood looked between george and lucy, obviously expecting some type of reaction. lucy ignored him completely, while george nodded slowly, unsure if he wanted to even get involved in whatever lockwood was doing.

you shook your head "it's fine. i don't mind waiting"

"you can stay with us" lucy smiled at you and made it perfectly clear, that she wasn't angry at you, but lockwood. you always liked lucy. she was welcoming and you loved to listen to her complain about her two male roommates.

with george you didn't really have a relationship. you were friendly towards each other but never really talked apart from that.

and lockwood? lockwood something different. your brother hated him, so you weren't really allowed to spend any time in his company, apart from when they would fight with each other. but he was always nice and you could call him a friend. you had done your best to prevent it, but you had also developed a little crush on him these past few years. something quill would have your head for if he knew. but lockwood was your chance of freedom. he was everything your brother despised and that just made it all the more daunting.

"lockwood" the voice behind you send shivers down your spine.

"kipps" lockwood smiled, overly satisfied, while he turned around in his chair, putting an protective arm on yours and blocking your brothers contact to you.

"y/n" quill muttered "didn't i tell you to wait there?" he poined across the room

you sighed silently "sorry" you patted lockwoods leg "we were just catching up and you were gone for some time, so i thought-" you didn't get to finish that sentence

"what the fuck do you not understand in 'wait here'?" quill was angry and you didnt want to fight. but before you could say sorry again, lucy jumped to your rescue.

"this is all your fault" she muttered under her breath, seemingly talking to lockwood before she turned her head to your brother "i'm really sorry" she smiled brightly "i thought y/n and i could talk a bit. i miss having a girl around"

"oh" quill said confused. his anger had suddenly evapurated. he didn't really mind you spending time with girl generally or lucy in particular. "well, i didn't know that" he averted his eyes. "i'll be at our table. see you there" he walked away and you knew that this was him telling you to be there in less than ten minutes or something would happen

"does- does he always talk to you like that?" george asked hesitantely. you could see on his face that he was unsure if he wanted an answer to that. he probably didn't even want to involve himself in anything that was about you.

"yeah" you muttered, a bit ashamed of the way your brother acted even in front of other people "at least since i'm living with him"

"why don't you just leave?" lucy leaned over the table, confusion evident on her face

"i won't" you said honestly "after our dad died, my mother wasn't able to finance my schooling, but quill was. i owe him something"

"you don't owe him anything" lockwood shook his head "don't you ever get angry at the way he treats you"

"more often than you would think" you eyes wandered across the room. quill was telling some fittes guy a story. he was laughing and widely gesturing. you couldn't remember the last time he had laughed in your presence. "he didn't always used to be like this. our father and him were close and it took a toll on him"

"you're still his sister" lucy reminded

"oh, i know that" you smiled sadly "i wouldn't have stayed if i wasn't"

"how long are you planning to stay?"

you shrugged your shoulders. "as long as i have to. i'll save some money until i have enough to pay him back and rent something"

lockwood looked at his friends. eyebrows raised. you could see the gears turning in their heads, before lucy repeatedly shook her head. george didn't seem happy as well. lockwood turned back to you

"how would you liked to work at lockwood and co?" he asked, beaming "you could move in with us, save money to pay your brother back and not have to indulge his presence. i hear you're pretty good with sight"

you were stunned at his suggestion "do you really mean that?" you asked hopeful

"yeah, lockwood" lucy raised her eyebrows, daring him to answer "do you really mean that?"

"of course" lockwood smiled "we want to help you, right guys?" lucy and george both averted their eyes. you noticed the growing tension

"you really don't have to" you said "i don't think george or lucy are too convinced. i can take another year or two with quill"

as if on cue, quill made his way across the venue. "shit" you whispered as soon as you noticed him moving closer. you did the first thing you could think of, knowing he would cause a scene as soon as he had found you. you took lockwoods hands, dragging him in the other direction quickly.

you two ended up in a broom closet. of all places.

"did you meant to walk into a broom closet?" lockwood asked behind you

"of course not" you opened the door slowly "well. it's too late now anyway" you closed the door again and leaned your back against it

"okay, why are we here exactly?" lockwood made a gesture to open the door, but you pushed him back slightly

"my brother would've caused a scene if he had found me"

"alright" lockwood said, but then raised his brows "and he wouldn't if he found you here?"

you suddenly noticed how you had brought yourself into an even worse situation. lockwood and you were standing pretty close to each other. you could feel his breath fanning over your cheek and you nodded. "he totally would" you laughed and lockwood joined in "he hates you guts"

"can't say i particulary like him" lockwood admitted shamelessly "but he has a beautiful sister"

"well, thank you" you could feel the redness entering you cheeks. at least it was a bit darker in here "he probably would cut my head off if he found us here. even if i told him that it isn't what it looks like"

"well, what does it look like?" lockwood muttered, even closer now

you looked up at him with big eyes. he almost falted under that look. he wanted to kiss you so badly and he was wishing you would indicate the same

"i mean- eh it does look pretty compromising"

"does it now?"

"yeah" your voice had jumped a pitch higher at his close proximity. but you couldn't help but wish for him to finally kiss you. "please" you muttered

"what do you want, darling?" he asked softly, pushing one strand of hair behind your ear.

"please" you repeated "kiss me"

lockwood didn't wait for a second demand. he closed the space between you, interlocking your lips. he tasted sweet, a bit like marshmallows and you smiled into the kiss. your hands wandered to his neck, pushing him impossibly closer, while his hands wandered to your lower back, returning the pressure you were exerting.

he pressed you against the door and you voluntarily opened your mouth for his tongue to enter. faster than you had expected, he broke the kiss, sloppily kissing your neck instead

"shit" you muttered lowly. you quickly gripped his neck, pushing his face away from your neck and back to your mouth. you continued that play for at least ten minutes, when you suddenly remembered why you had been hiding here in the first place

"thank you for your offer" you said, breathlessly "but i can do it for a bit longer"

"is he ever gonna stop treating you this way?" lockwood kissed your temple

"i don't know" you shrugged "but i will talk to him. you guys were right, i shouldn't just accept it. my father died too"

"i'll be here anytime you need me" lockwood assured "or anytime you just want to make out"

you smiled brightly at the boy, pecking his lips, before you opened the door to the closet. "time for the real world, pretty boy"

"i like the sound of.." lockwood interrupted himself. right before the very door you had come out of, now watching your flustered faces distastefully, was standing none other than quill kipps

"what the fuck" he said angrily when he had connected the dots. you were ready to tell him that nothing had happened, but suddenly remembered that that wouldn't be the whole truth

"hey" you smiled, unsure what to say in your defence

"y/n" quill said slowly, and you were glad that the room was outside of the ballroom. the guests or anyone else wouldn't hear him scream at you. "did you two just fuck in there?" you could almost see smoke coming out of his ears. his eyes had fallen to to strap of your dress, that was now hanging at your elbow. you quickly fixed it

"what?" you asked surprised "no, of course not" you knew lockwood was smiling without looking at him. he put his arm around you, pulling you closer at your waist.

"you're not speaking to your sister in that tone" he declared and you send him a wide eyed look. it was hard enough for you to stand up for quill, but he definitely would never listen to lockwood of all people

"yeah, or what?"

"watch yourself" lockwood was angry now, too. "she's still your sister"

"and you are?" quill crossed his arms "you're no one, nothing to her at all"

"leave him alone" you muttered. you had never once even protested at what your brother had said at you, but it was different when he spoke to lockwood that way

"what the fuck did you just say?" quill asked surprised, he had forgotten his anger for the time to be

"you heard me" you said a bit louder now "and you heard him too. you can change your tone when speaking to me"

"ooh" quill laughed "the little miss is making demands"

"i tolerated it long enough" you reminded him "i understood you were griefing, but so was i. you never had any sympathy towards me, so why would i still have any for you? especially since you're ordering me around like your little maid" lockwood squeezed your side

"who put a roof over your head? who payed for everything and anything you needed?"

"you did"

"right" quill smiled smugly

"and i'm thankful for you doing all of that for me. i never even complained, but all of it does not warrant you treating me the way you do"

"watch what you're saying" quill pointed his finger at you accusingly "i prepared you for the real world, i brought you up and you go and throw all of it away for some boy. why do you act like a slut"

the gasp that left lockwoods mouth could've been loud enough for everyone outside the building to hear

"how dare you call me that?" tears entered your eyes slowly. lockwood was pulling up his sleeves, ready to fight the older boy, but you held his arm down. "i'm still your sister" you reminded quill, who looked a bit remorseful at your tears

he sighed, turning away, before he looked back at you "i didn't mean it like that. you're making it hard for me to trust you when you walk off and sleep with the enemy as soon as i leave you own your own"

"i didn't even sleep with him" you screamed angrily. quills eyes had grown big. never in your life had you ever screamed at him. "but if i wanted to i could, because i'm almost an adult"

"you're a kid" quill spat "and it's my job to take care of you. make sure that you turn out well and not get yourself knocked up at seventeen"

"oh my god" you groaned "i didn't sleep with anyone" you repeated once again

"i know" quill said surprisingly soft "but mum did. she ended up pregnant and without any degree in anything. and now, after dad’s death she has nothing to support you with, not even herself. i want you to make different decisions, to be smart and learn something, before you lose focus and fall in love"

you sighed "i understand that" you turned your head to look at lockwood, smiling slightly "but i think it's already too late"

quill sighed as well.

"you didn't have to treat me the way you did" you said "you could've just been honest with me, you know?"

"i know" quill nodded "but i was never good at these things.." he paused, tears briming at the corners of his eyes "dad was"

"i miss him too" you admitted, your voice breaking "and i hate what his death did to you. you weren't always like this"

quill nodded and couldn't bring himself to look you in the eyes. you were right about this, he knew you were. but he had just tried to make a good person out of you. he knew that it wasn't an excuse, but he was working in a dangerous field and he thought that if he would be distant and mean, you wouldn't mourn his death as much as you had did your dad's. "i'm sorry" quill said truthfully and you could see the remorse in his eyes

"i don't want to hate you"

quill nodded

"but you have to be better. an apology alone is not enough. i love you but i'm not beneath receiving any love back" you told him "you have to change the way you treat me, honestly quill, it's not okay" slowly, but determinated, you stepped closer to hug him.

you couldn't remember the last time you had done that. you had missed you brothers warmth. he had always been a good brother, before all this mess had happened and you knew you could forgive him eventually. both of you had taken far too long to have an honest conversation

"we will fix it, i promise" quill muttered into your hair and you nodded, before you losened the hug.

quill's eyes fell upon lockwood. he send him a nod. "thank you for being nice to her"

lockwood contemplated to scatter salt into the wound by saying something along the lines of 'i was just doing what you apparently couldn't', but then instead he just nodded. "of course"

quill smiled tightlipped, before he turned back to you. "and once we get home, we will have a very important conversation"

"quill" you laughed uncomfortably and your brother laughed as well. the sound send shivers down your spine and you had rarely been this happy. for the first time in a long time it seemed like everything would become good again.

"i'll call you" you smiled in lockwoods direction, before you followed your brother out of the estate.

not because he had told you, but because you just wanted to and that was a very good feeling.

[mcbride]

Daryl Dixon Rewatch S1E01 - L'âme perdue

i have some thoughts, but before we get to it and explore the episode, i just wanna point out that the writing is what stood out for me. after seasons of mediocre writers and writing on TWD, it felt like a breath of fresh air. that ain't saying much, but it's a big improvement. also the cinematography, plsss!!

i will digress, this will be long, boring and full of spec for s2!!! read more after the jump...

the best part of it for me was Daryl. Daryl is finally using his words, keeping some things close to the vest he ain't no longer wearing, but he is actually speaking up, telling shit how he sees it, being his observant self, and not taking that religious crap bullshit they trying to feed him. he is also done with it all, and his goal is always and will always be getting back home.

"You deserve a happy ending, too." the ep starts with Judith voiceover, which is repeated in Daryl's feverish dream, and once again by Laurent. Carol isn't mentioned directly, but you can feel her presence throughout the episode. it's sort of a quiet energy that hangs in there whenever Daryl mentions he wants to get back home, he needs to use the radio, he needs to get to that possibly active port. and of course, her smiling face in his dream, with one of the last things he said to her "it's not like we are never gonna see each other again."

"witchy shit;" "dead priest and creepy kid," "you've been fucking with me," while putting his finger in Isa's face and storming out to borrow some cool weapons will always be hilarious to me, but it also felt like genuine Daryl is back. this is the Daryl we fell in love with. he is changed by his experiences, but he is still the OBSERVANT dude with the sass and zero tolerance for bullshit. i like this Daryl, so i will thank Zabel and Norman for bringing him back to us!

NOW let's get to the spec: i think the first episode tells us all we need to know about what is really set to happen, it's so in your face, you may not even notice and just assume they are talking metaphorically - i'm talking about the nuns, the nest, the kid, the whole conspiracy you shouldn't see coming.

for some reason it will probably never be clear, they think Daryl is the one, the messenger to deliver the new Messiah, and he's got an important role delivering the kid to the Nest, like he is the only one who can do it. i mean Isabelle watched Daryl fight and lose, and now she thinks he's Messiah's protector. PLEASE, bitch! maybe he is chosen simply because he is American, he made it across the Ocean, he must be special??? ok, i'll buy that.

now when Mother is dying she agrees Daryl is the one (to protect Laurent) and says "reasons are everywhere." YES, there's a reason Daryl had to come back to protect the kid, there's a reason he doesn't get on that boat to return home, too - and that reason is CAROL is coming. he cannot leave, she's coming to him, and i believe that TOGETHER they are the ones supposed to save Laurent.

WHY Carol, you ask? Daryl just may be to close to the Nest, their people to see them for who they are - some sort of cult who believes "the kid is the cure for a sick world," Mother's words. but how are they dangerous??

they literally tell you, if you're listening. the monk, possibly Losang, says the kid is special, says the kid is the NEW Messiah. Isabelle tells Daryl they need to take the kid there cause he needs safety, teaching and nurturing UNTIL he is ready. ready for what, Daryl asks. ready to be the new Messiah and lead the REVIVAL of humanity.

now Laurent said they had walker!Father Jean there because they were waiting for him to rise again. say what, kiddo? but Father can't rise again, cause he ain't special, he ain't the new Messiah. so there you go, i think the Nest, they're planning to turn Laurent and wait for him to RISE again (be the cure) with help from praying and poetry. maybe the good guys ain't so good.

and this is exactly why the kid is also valuable to Genet. perhaps she also wants to test whether the kid is special or not, knowing his history.

i can see Carol making it to France and figuring out their nefarious plans in like the first 5 mins. and that's why she needs to come to help save Laurent. that would pretty much bring their story full circle, and allow them to deal with the guilt and the trauma of not being able to safe loved ones.

[allamericansbitch]

Genuine question. What do you think about all of the political pundits and news anchors and other celebrities praising Taylor for the endorsement? They’re all saying she made such an eloquent statement but it wasn’t that good…?

I feel like both 'sides' of this are missing the point because it's the internet and all nuance is lost. Taylor finally endorsed Kamala and took an actual political stance for the first time in 4 years, and that's great. That act is gonna do wonders for the election and really helped move eyes and ears toward Kamala, Tim, and their campaign. There's no doubt it'll make a huge impact. So the reporters who are saying she made an 'eloquent statement' are correct, she did. So people who are looking to hate on that have no reason to hate on that aspect. She did a good thing by endorsing Kamala.

However, that's not what the issue was that people were talking about for years prior that hit a peak a few days ago- it's a part but not the whole picture. Her statement about the election missed the big picture, it never once condemned what people have seen her tolerate personally. Taylor, for the past 3-4 years has repeatedly surrounded herself with close-minded, ignorant, and actively bigoted people. From the people she's voluntarily chosen to work with (i.e David O Russell; a known abuser) to people she chooses to publicly be friends with (Brittany Mahomes, Lena Dunham, Zoe Kravitz, etc) and even repeatedly defended dating vocal bigot Matty Healy. She has repeatedly surrounded herself with people who actively go against everything she says she believes, and actions speak louder than words. How can you say you're an ally to the LGBTQ+ community and publicly be besties and lend your spotlight to someone who doesn't believe trans women are women and shouldn't be in women's sports (Brittany Mahomes). How can you support victims of SA/DV when you're friends/work with abuse apologists and actual abusers? How can you be an ally towards POC when you defended dating a man who publicly said he gets off to porn of black women getting beaten, or while you wear jerseys and support your current partner's team- a team that has made a mockery of Indigenous people who have repeatedly begged for them to stop? How can you be an ally for women when you haven't spoken up for Palestine, where women are being treated in unimaginable ways due to the ongoing genocide. That's the issue, her actions vs. her words.

She can say she believes in these subjects, and that's good it's better than nothing, but we all know the words are pretty empty and for show. A show is good but it always ends and you're left with nothing afterwards. She probably won't say much else about the election because in her mind she did her duty, and that to her is the bare minimum. Half-baked activism is applauded because we are so used to getting nothing. Endorse a candidate and go back to being friends with people who don't see certain groups as human beings. Tell people to vote but don't condemn their hatred, because then you'd also be condemning some of your friends. Enable that behavior and live in that privilege, it'll work out for her and that's what matters the most.

[whole-bunch-of-hcs]

Teddy Lobo Arranged Marriage

HCs plus a blurb/shortfic at the end, there is nsft content so be warned. Request by @ghnaim24

Teddy doesn't like being told what to do

At all

And he doesn't like feeling cornered or controlled. This is not a man who handles responsibility well or even willingly tbh

But he agreed to this bc it's not like he can refuse if he wants to inherit (which he does) and it's not like this will have all the rules a 'real' marriage does so who cares. Just another way to stay on top

Plus you're an only child and a woman so this gives him a leg up over Mandy- this is something he can do for the Lobos that she can't (yeah he's exactly that petty)

So he doesn't really have any set idea of what you'll be like in his head and doesn't care cause at this point you are a concept to him- a means to an end.

Then he actually meets you. The shy act is kinda cute but come on you're a mafia boss' kid, you've gotta be holding out on him

Except you're not. What he sees is what he gets with you. For a while he's not sure what to make of it bc no one in his world is like you.

Eventually he decides he's on board and wants to make this arrangement actually work bc it's one thing to be married but it's another to enjoy it and he doesn't want a miserable wife right?

(Kinda in denial sure but he's got the right idea)

He takes you out with him and tries to keep you away from all the nitty-gritty. He gets it in his head that you're all sheltered and shit and the reality of this life (that you have also been leading since way before he knew you) would damage you.

Gets on his guys' asses for doing uncouth shit when you're around and everything it's sweet but dude. Come on.

Absolutely FLINGS money your way. You don't even need it but you're never paying for anything ever again. He'll actively encourage, no demand, that you get more and more expensive taste.

His mother likes this less than he does but he's used to her being mad at him

Speaking of which, your gentle and shy nature taps into a more vulnerable side of him so you're about to hear shit he has told NO ONE before

Your wedding is going to be more extravagant than certain royal weddings have been. It's practically a multi-day affair. It is the epitome of ostentatious and why shouldn't it be? Two mafia families are marrying and more importantly he is marrying you. That's worth some serious celebration.

Nsft-wise... boy does he have a lot going on

Furthest thing from a virgin like. Ever. Man was a SLUT all the way up until he met you and he has the experiences to prove it

Good thing: means he knows what he's doing. Bad thing: he has a skewed idea of what normal is

He'll be willing to try anything and everything you like and he is EAGER to show you stuff you might not have even known about

You will be discovering at least one new kink cause of him

He's a switch too so he can really adapt to whatever you want from him

Prefers filling a specific role though, when in a relationship. Likes the stability of knowing his place cause he's dorky like that

Has nipple piercings idk why I'm so sure of this but he does

If he's a dom he is NOT very gentle and if you need him to slow down or ease up you gotta tell him that.

He likes it when you're demanding, when you tell him what you need, when you make him almost wonder who's really in charge (but he is HAPPY to remind you)

If he's a sub you better not be gentle with him. He's a hardcore masochist and he promises he can take it (he has no pain tolerance he just likes pain a lot for some reason bc he's a freak)

He will tell you exactly what he needs too so don't ever worry that you're not fulfilling his needs.

"What're you eyeing, babe? What's good?" Teddy asked. He needed to know so he could tell the waitress, and he'd probably bribe her with absolutely no subtlety to make sure a few other tables were put on the back burner so you could get it sooner.

"I dunno," you answered. "The seafood boil looks really good but it's fifty dollars, Teddy, that's insane. I'm not paying fifty dollars for bugs that live in the ocean."

"Well you're not paying for anything so it doesn't matter," Teddy said. Immediately he wondered if that sounded like he was taking a dig at you. You didn't seem to think so though so maybe he did good? If you did that cute little nose-exhale and reached up to play with the necklace he got you he'd know he won.

You did. I'm an actual good boyfriend now, holy shit, he thought.

"Fine," you said. "Fifty dollars for a lobster and some crab legs."

"What, that's it?" Teddy asked. "Get the upgrade that's got like oysters and sh-all that."

"Teddy that's fifty-seven dollars, that's insane."

"So am I, babe!" He laughed. He had a nice laugh, you thought, when he wasn't playing it up for some reason.

"Yo, Teddy, your mom's calling," one of Teddy's "boys" said, running over, phone in hand. "Wants to talk about the patrols in the French Quarter. 'Pparently one of the beat cops 'round that joint forgot he likes money so she wants you to get a guy out there and-"

Teddy waved his hands frantically. "Hey, hey- not in front of her, man, are you fuckin' stupid?" He grabbed for the phone. "Hey, Mom, I'm out with y/n right now-"

He got up, leaned over to plant a kiss on your cheek and slap some money down on the table. "Go ahead and get a little tequila, the top shelf stuff that doesn't give you a hangover, while you're at it, and- hey, Scraps, if I'm not back when the waitress comes you tell her my girl wants the deluxe seafood boil and we don't care how much it costs, yeah?"

He was adorable, as far as crime-boss nepo-babies went.

[not-poignant]

Hi! Big fan of your work and writing blog :) I have a question re: fanfic reception. I like writing fanfics about villains on the receiving end of noncon, and I sometimes get feedback that makes me feel weird and I dunno how to respond to it? It’s along the lines of "thanks for giving [character] the pain they deserve" "it’s good that you aren’t nice to [character] like those other fanfic writers". (Part 1…)

(Part 2…)I kind of feel like they’re complimenting my morals instead of my writing, but I also could be overreacting, because I mean it’s fine to seek out fics where a character you hate gets tortured? No hurry answering this, and thanks in advance if you do. I hope you’re doing alright on your break from UtB. I am using the time to reread and am loving it!

~

Hi anon!

Oh this is an interesting quandary to be in, because I'm certain at least some of those people are very much being moralistic about it.

Tbh when it's 'thanks for giving (character) the pain they deserve' you can probably ignore that if you want, because yeah, they might have revenge fantasies and find that very satisfying.

But when you get people going 'thanks for being mean / not nice to this character like other writers' - if you're the kind of person who responds to comments and feels uncomfortable when someone is using your space to shame other authors (because that's exactly what's happening) you can choose - if you want - to take the time to say 'I have no problems when people enjoy this character being hurt, however, I do not tolerate when folks shame other authors and readers for what they enjoy in fiction. Please don't compliment my fic by putting down other people, that's not what a compliment is' or something similar.

As soon as a reader brings in other people and shames them, that's absolutely when you can take a stand and see a clear issue.

I see this a lot for two different things:

Writing realistic kink, and so many readers being like 'omg thanks for writing realistic kink there's so much unrealistic trash on here' and these days I always make a point of saying 'oh thanks! but I write and love unrealistic trash too. This is a fictional site and no one should be expected to write realistic kink here!' It shuts people down amazingly fast. But also makes them realise that perhaps they just shouldn't be throwing stones when we're all in a very glass castle on AO3 lmao

Writing realistic trauma recovery, so like 'thanks for showing how awful and evil rape can be unlike those people who write it for fun' - now how I end up with these readers with my actual writing history, I don't know, but I take the same approach of like 'thanks BUT I LOVE writing rape as titillation! I enjoy both!'

You don't have to be as blunt as me, and you don't have to address it at all, but any reader who shames other authors or readers in your comment section can be addressed directly because it's just a shitty thing to do. And people don't say shit like that in public if they don't secretly hope that one of those people will see the comment and feel bad about what they like.

So yeah, with your first example, they could be feeling moralistic, or they could just want a revenge fantasy and really enjoy noncon! The second example is a clear cut example of shaming, or stepping on other people to pass you a compliment, and you're never ever over-reacting when that makes you feel uncomfortable, or makes you feel like it's not really a compliment. Because all it really is, is a version of: 'you passed my moral standards, thanks' and that's not actually a compliment at all. (Or like you say, it's complimenting your morals, it's like having a weird fandom policeman come by and glare at you and be like '....okay you're committing no crimes, as you were' and moving on. It's just weird).

Anyway *shakes hands for weird comments that shame other readers/authors in the form of a compliment* - I do think you're right to feel uncomfortable at least sometimes when this happens. It's up to you how you choose to address or not address it, but I will say personally that if you aren't going to address it in comments, maaaaybe consider deleting the ones that shame other readers/authors, so that when those people read your fics they don't feel alienated. It's obviously your choice! But just something to consider if you want to be curating your space. And best of luck writing all the noncon-villain fics! They can be a lot of fun :D

[rin-and-jade]

I'm Definitely Faking: A Post about Self Doubt

Alright, i get it. Many people had done things like these but it won't stop me from taking this topic deeper than anyone had done (as i ever read them too) so, for any of you who are interested, or attempt to find a dedicated answer/discussion around this topic, please and PLEASE read it, you will not regret this.

I'm very sure most of you are doing your usual routine, until a thought strike at you fast as lightning, "wait, what if i'm just faking __", or if you knew something you "shouldn't" (say, being a system) then it makes you spiral down the rabbit hole, right? And it is not beautiful, it's extremely taxing both emotionally and mentally. Nobody wants to lie accidentally to people, what if we're actually fine? How would you know? Are you tricking people to get the attention you never received as a child?? How would you actually know?? And etc. I will tell you how. It will stop those doubts for good.

Where it all started..

First of all, anything can be the starting point to where it all goes down. But, generally speaking i think it stems from how people think of what being a system is like, and i mean it in a personal view. Too rare to have one? Probably faking, Good communication? Faking, aware of other presence of parts? I'm faking, can't switch? Faking again, darn it. You get the idea here, right?

About that crippling doubt of mine..

Why would someone panic when they think they’re faking, when real fakers never gave a fuck? The problem is not on the disorder but more on the lack of proof for certainty,, and because you start to doubt from it, you then think you’re actually faking. I have a few to say about how it attacks, so bare with me:

Tendency to think on extremes When you start to think that having something means needing to suffer for like every single second.. that one minute period of ease and relieve will be the bullet in the gun to trigger a thought of "faking". Getting a better view that, for example how depression means you can laugh or feel good from a comfort show, does not mean you don't have depression due to that particular moment.

Focusing on the wrong dot What if i tell you, that you might be looking at the wrong side? Be it only looking at one side of the coin (biased towards looking for clues to prove yourself wrong, e.g. alters are not distinguishable from each other, and so it means you're not a system) or focusing too much about how other's experience is like and if you don't relate then you're not real, or maybe you have your own assumptions/expectations about how the disorder should look like and when it doesn't meet the criteria.. well.. you know what to say.

"I feel like.." When emotions hits to the roof, logic gets thrown out from the house. Tell me who can think well in stressful moments,, the answer is no one, some can appear more collected or have a higher tolerance before they can panic but you get the point. We all have feelings at the end of the day, no one is unfeeling and no one can escape from it,, i'm not saying you have neglect it, more like i want you to be aware when those said emotions are controlling (more like affecting) your thoughts. Too much of it can throw off the balance in rationality, easier to dismiss proof, and worser decision making. So, if you feel overwhelmed,, make a quick choice on calming yourself down, it will be easier to challenge the worries and negative thoughts once you are aware and actively practicing.

This isn't my first time..

You guessed it. Sometimes one assurance won't do the trick anymore after a few weeks, it comes back with more and more bullets to shoot you down, who says the bullets are gone when someone makes a post about people that their experience is valid? You have to work on yourself, because one day, you will doubt about something people never post and you are alone,, dealing with all the murky thoughts will be less harder, if you follow these tips:

Everyone is different, the disorder never look static and same for everyone. Having a different struggle or way of functioning never equates to being a fraud. Tell yourself that.

Focusing on evidence, not on what you don't experience or have, being a green apple does not make you a pear,, you are still an apple because of its shape and taste and overall appearance. Not just because you're green, it invalidates every other evidence of what counts as an apple.

Throw away all those unhelpful confirmations, you don't need to constantly check wether your other parts are real, you don't need to know having a blackout means you're still not faking, you don't need anything related to this? Because we are going to heal and learn, confirming becomes obsolete,, as things will change, clinging onto an image on how you should be or live like will do no good. Seeking constant assurance does more harm.

Never downplay your own experiences. Easier said than done but i know someone will say right on my face that being beaten up regularly by a father is not that bad to develop trauma or a system (for example) while it darn is. If things are downplayed more often and to many aspects, you will be more prone to thinking that you're "faking". Due to the nature that developing this disorder requires severe and ongoing trauma, and guess what,, trauma comes in all forms.

With this, it will be much easier to accept you have a disorder,, and accept that it's not all black and white, actually this can be applied with anything, but my point is that. Practice more compassion for yourself, by understanding and being aware,, and not resorting to self negativity or elses, this will not be a major problem for you ever again. Also noting that yes its alright to relapse and question everything again, but this time you fight back,, you hear me soldier?

Do you copy that, *walkie-talkie sound*

- j