#to the four whole people way in the back!! this is for you!!!

[if-loves]

because you're everything (i have left)

// Phainon

sum: Is it so wrong that Phainon is everything you know?

wc: 1001

warnings: 3.0 story quest spoilers, amphoreus inaccuracies, ooc phainon, written before phainon release, implied (??) yan phainon, reader is a hot mess tbh

a/n: help i tried to make him yan but this just devolved into codependent relationship 

likes & reblogs appreciated :)

Phainon has known you his whole life. You have both seen each other in your most vulnerable of times, as children who had yet to understand the cruelties of the world, and as adults who have suffered the cruelties of the world. Through it all, you and Phainon held onto each other, mumbling promises of never leaving each other.

That was when Aedes Elysiae first fell to the savage flames, and the two of you were the only ones who managed to escape.

Years have passed since then, but the sight still lives in your mind, a vivid image that only seems to refresh and worsen the pain and guilt in your heart. Could you have done something and saved at least one more person? Was the way you were acting at the moment too selfish? Had you been a little stronger, a little smarter, would your home still be standing? 

You know enough about Phainon to know that for all his act as a playful young man, he harbours a grief and rage so deep in his soul even you don't know if you'd be able to coax it out of him. It's true he'd do many things for you, yes, but asking him to open up may be a boundary even if you can't cross.

But you'd do anything to keep Phainon happy, because you know he would do the same for you - because you're all each other has to remind you of home. Because you're all each other has left.

Upon finding asylum in Okhema, Phainon decided to leave his original name behind with the ruins of Aedes Elysiae and start somewhat anew in the Holy City. He had even told you to forget the name you've known him by all your life in favour of this new one, yet asked you sweetly to keep yours.

Sometimes you wonder if, had it not been for the destruction that rained upon your village that day, you and Phainon would be as close as you were today. Would you have shared all these intimate moments, like kissing and cuddling and all that naturally followed after, if everything was still as you had known. Would he have looked at you with the same disarming smile he always does when he comes back from another mission, or would he have slowly left you, like watching a boat be carried away by the sea's currents. 

You try not to let yourself be consumed by these thoughts. Phainon wouldn't be happy to know you doubt his love for you, and you'd hate to make him sad. He works so hard to keep you safe and happy, so the least you could do was make him happy when he was home. 

You'd do anything to make him happy. Even if it meant isolating yourself in the four walls of this home, even if it meant reducing yourself to nothing more than the one he'd come home to, even if it meant sacrificing your happiness for his, because this is what love is, isn't it? 

Phainon tells you he loves you often, while holding your face gently in his calloused hands. There's an emotion in his eyes you can't quite decipher, but it reminds you of a feeling you're very familiar with - guilt. You wonder why he feels that way, and why it only appears when he looks at you. What emotions does he harbour inside that lonely head of his?

You think it's hard to imagine Phainon wanting to hurt people. He's always been a kind person, even as a child and especially as an adult. He's always wanted the best for everyone, and he's never done anything to make you feel otherwise, so it's no surprise that when he tells you to never leave the house without him, and to never answer any knocks on the doors or windows, and to never open the curtains and windows, you listened. As a Chrysos Heir, he must be privy to some sensitive information, and as your lover, he must only wish to protect you. Phainon would never do anything to hurt you.

Despite your unwavering faith in him, you find it especially difficult to control your thoughts on particularly lonely days like these. He told you that he may be gone for awhile for some business to do with being a Chrysos Heir, and left you with a chase kiss on your lips before he was locking the door on his way out. How long would he be gone this time? 

Without him around, the disease named fear starts its infection and spreads throughout your soul. You're well aware of its tell tale signs, and you have yet to find a remedy for it that isn't Phainon's presence. It starts slowly, taking its time to seep into the crevices of your soul, before it comes crashing down on you and all of a sudden you're drowning.

Is Phainon taking care of you because you're all that's left of Aedes Elysiae? Do you deserve everything that Phainon has given you? Was your life worth the deaths of all those villagers? Phainon is a Chrysos Heir, greatness is written in his script since the moment he was born. What were you?

It's okay, though. Because when Phainon walks through the door, all your doubts disappear in an instant. He engulfs you warmly, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head, and everything feels right even if only for a moment.

But sometimes even his presence isn't enough to dispel some of your doubts. Does Phainon truly love you for you, or does he love you for what you remind him of? Of a bygone past that only exists in your memories, that smells of ash and sounds of screams, that the both of you can't let go of, even as it threatens the destruction of you and him? 

But it's okay if it’s Phainon, you think. Because you love him. Because he's all you have left.

[aerofbreath]

Actually writing something based off of this post. Y'all really seemed to like it and I got scared LOLOL

(How it will probably go (written poorly written cause it's almost 7AM and I haven't slept yet) . Also I have no idea what I'm doing. This will be rewritten better in a fic maybe.)

Jason sighed as he made his way into Gotham University's gym. It was the middle of the day and Jason was there at a Startup Event posing as a guy who was interested in what people had to offer. He had only had maybe a total of four hours of sleep since he had patrol the night before. Granted, this wouldn't have affected him as much if he was more mentally prepared to be awake. The only reason why he's out here was because Bruce had woken him up an hour ago to tell him a little last minute about what he needed to do today. Originally, the plan was to do absolutely nothing. But now he has to investigate a guy that Bruce had his eye on as of lately.

The person he's looking for is a man named Danny Nightingale. Apparently he's been in Gotham for a couple years and only recently started making a mess of things. How it went under Bruce's nose is beyond him considering how freaked out Bruce was once he did find out.

Apparently, the guy has been making life changing machines. Little mechanical bees have been flying around Gotham really just sucking up all the pollution in the air and just depositing it somewhere. According to the media, they go back to some headquarters and into a bee hive looking structure to deposit all the pollution and sludge. From the photos shown, it's actually pretty impressive. Some guy actually making a change around here.

For Bruce- no. For Batman, this is just highly suspicious. Why would some guy make these positive life changing machines? For the better? No. No genius with the power to change the world would do it for the better. There's got to be some ulterior motive behind it.

At least, that's what Batman thinks.

Jason thinks it's all interesting. Maybe there is an ulterior motive but even then, at a scale so large that it's literally affecting the city in a positive way? You've got to be literally more insane than the Joker if you wanted to plaster your face everywhere at an event like this. Everyone else at this event seemed to show promise but compared to Danny Nightingale's company? They're literally all small fry.

Surprisingly enough, however, no one else seems to be at Danny's booth. Not even Danny. Jason frowned as he approached the booth and just looked at the machines on them. The Bees are kind of just flying in place and the moment that Jason even looked at them, the Bees immediately got to work. They flew around him like a puppy with wings, nuzzling against him and bumping into him so dumbly. And honestly?

It was actually kind of cute. You would think that being on such little hours of sleep and being grumpy the whole morning would really affect the pits inside him but no. He's surprisingly calm.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! They don't usually act like this," a voice stuttered out. A man hastily walked towards Jason as he gently plucked the Bees out of the air and brought it close to him.

"Uh, don't worry about it. I thought it was kind of..." Jason trailed out before locking eyes with the man who spoke.

This was Danny Nightingale. He was much shorter than Jason, only standing tall at 5' 5". His hair was fully black with only a white money piece right on his bangs. And his eyes? An alluring blue with only a hint of green at the center of his eyes. Honestly, the sight of Danny just about took Jason's breath away.

There was a subtle glow to him, almost making Jason think of there being some sort of meta activity going on but looking around the people in the area, no one but him seems to notice. Danny was concerned about Jason, that much is obvious. The way his eyes burrowed in concern then into confusion. It's strange why just looking at him made Jason's heart skip a beat, even though in hindsight, Danny looks much worse off than Jason.

That man looks like he hasn't slept in 3 weeks. But even then he was...

"Cute..." Jason finally finished his sentence a little too late.

Danny blinked in confusion, tilting his head to the side. His bangs fall freely over his eyes. Just the sight of that almost made Jason blush. "My bees were cute?" Danny spoke, the tone of his voice (very tired) sounded like a sweet harmony in Jason's ears. "Oh! You're interested in Nightech? No one else seems to be interested in my stuff yet. I can tell you all about this company and how it works? I put in a lot of work and love into these little guys and I'm sure you would love them too!"

Blah blah blah. Proper name. Place name. Backstory stuff.

Nothing of what Danny is saying is registering in Jason's brain right now. Maybe some. ("I... Love... You...")

"I love you too!!" Jason blurted out.

Danny blinked before widening his eyes. "Wh-What...?" There was that look of concern again but now there's another look. Recognition...

Whatever. None of that right now. This is embarrassing!

"I-I said I love your company. Uh. Do you have a business card? I can let Bruce Wayne know about this."

Wordlessly, Danny gave an information card to Jason before that poor brick of a man just ran out of there, not once even looking back. Honestly, from the way it's playing out in Jason's head right now, he feels like a princess running away from her prince at the stroke of midnight. The earpiece crackled before a voice started to speak.

"Jason? What the hell was that?" Bruce's voice questioned.

It was only when Jason left the gymnasium that he answered, "Me digging my own grave for the second time, old man. Let me go die in peace."

"No, no," Dick's voice chimed in, "Only after we replay that very short conversation about 50,000 times. Thank you very much."

Jason only groaned in response.

Danny, back in the gymnasium, only stared at the door that Jason left from in horror. The only way for people to react that way to him like that is for them to be dead or liminal. Now he has to figure out a way to tell Bruce Wayne that this person that he seems to know is a little bit dead!

This actually is a part of whatever the fuck I'm writing. I'm still thinking of a fic name. But all of the random posts go together in some way.

[naughtyneganjdm]

Christmas in Jackson - Chapter 6

Summary: Tommy visits with Y/N and asks her not to give up on Joel just yet. Attempting to get Joel's attention, Y/N does something to make a fool of herself, but it does indeed get Joel's attention.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Tommy Miller, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61159651/chapters/159622975

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Making Out, Severely Touch Starved Joel, Naked Cuddling (kinda), some light breast play, etc.

Notes: I promise to update this faster now. Thank you to everyone that actually took the time to comment on the last chapter. It made me feel much better about things. I can't tell you how much even a small comment helps! If you'd like to read previous chapters, check them out here.

Last night? It was nothing like the night before. Falling asleep was hard. All Y/N could think about was Joel. What was sad was that this was a man that she had only known for a few days. Yet? The things he said to her and the way he acted? It affected her more than she expected it to. There was a reason Joel hid behind this mean and cold exterior and she realized that. But it also didn’t stop her from being upset by the things that he said to her.

Her day spent with Joel was incredible. It was different than what she was used to and it was something she very much enjoyed. When she was cuddled up in bed with Joel, he felt like someone she had known for a lifetime. No one had ever made her relax and feel as safe with them as Joel had that night. Unfortunately that feeling was short lived because of the things he had said to her before he left her last night. 

Most of the night was sleepless for her with her lying awake thinking about everything Joel said about her. In a way, he wasn’t wrong. She was looking for something to prove that life was still worth living. For so long she had been missing that one thing to keep fighting for. Maybe she was clinging onto Joel too quickly and it would be hard for someone like him to handle.

A lot of her sleep was broken and by the time she officially woke up early in the morning, she decided to pack her things. It wasn’t like she had much to begin with, so that didn’t make it hard for her to do. Tommy had requested her to give him twenty-four hours’ notice when she was leaving so she went downstairs to registration. When she got there it was someone she had yet to meet, so she just left Tommy a note about how she would be leaving tomorrow. She hadn’t gotten a plane ticket yet, but she was sure that she could get something out of town. Even if it took a few flights to get back home.

There was a lot of pent-up energy that she had lingering inside of her, so she threw something relaxed on and went downstairs to the gym area of the inn. Thankfully, no one was down there. It wasn’t the biggest gym she had ever seen in a hotel. In fact, it was very small, but it also had a room connected to it that was around the same size with two mini inground hot tubs in it. It was cozy and quaint for her. For someone else it may have not been enough. Deep down she wondered if many of the guests really ever came down here. It was way too clean in her opinion and the whole time she was down there, no one ever joined her.

With how unbusy this place was, she was getting the hint that there weren’t a lot of guests that were staying there right now. And if they were? It was only to have a place to sleep so they could spend the rest of the day with their family. She was probably the one person that spent this much time in the inn. Then again, that’s what most people did on trips. Took an adventure around the places they were vacationing. Most of them weren’t like her, spending most of their time trapped up inside. 

Although, this place still seemed to get its money from the restaurant and bar that it had. It was smart adding those to the inn. It made sure that they always had a steady income, even on the days where it wasn’t busy at the inn.

God, that’s how boring she was. With the extra time she had while working out, she was thinking about how Tommy and Joel could afford to keep this place running. And truthfully, the rest of her day wasn’t going to be any more interesting. The plans for today were to finish her workout, take a shower, sit down hopefully to find a plane ticket home, get something to eat and then go to bed early. So that way she would be prepared for the full day of traveling she had ahead of her.

Right now she was finishing up her run on one of the two treadmills that they had in the small gym at the inn. To stay focused, she put in her noise cancelling earphones and worked to get out all of that negative energy that she had building up inside of her throughout the night. This was better than letting her intrusive thoughts eat away at her all day with the things that Joel had said to her lingering inside of her mind.

A small amount of movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. It wasn’t anything too big, but she could see it in the mirror paneled wall that was beside her. Taking a quick look over her shoulder she realized that someone was sitting on the lifting bench that was at the center of the room and it startled her, “Fucking hell!”

Immediately, the person that was sitting there jumped and toppled backwards onto the floor hitting it hard. Their legs were still hanging over the side of the lifting bench and it had her reaching out to quickly hit the stop button on the treadmill. Hopping down from it, she pulled her earphones out hearing the pained sound flooding the air. Shoving her earphones into her pocket, she moved over toward the center of the room to see that it was Tommy staring up at her from the ground. Helping him to unhook his legs from the bench, she did her best to allow him time to unhurriedly pull himself up from the floor.

“Tommy? What the hell were you doing?” she wrapped her arm around him, helping him to get to his feet. A grunt escaped him as she motioned him to take a seat on the bench again. There was a vibrant red color that flooded into his face expressing how embarrassed he was over the whole situation. “Were you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“No, it was quite the opposite actually. I actually came down here and started talking to you. Didn’t understand why you weren’t responding. Then I saw them earphones you were wearing and realized you couldn’t hear a word of it,” Tommy informed her, throwing his hand up in the direction that she had been running on the treadmill. “Since I didn’t want to scare you, I sat down here and waited until you were done. Clearly that was a mistake because not only did I scare you, but you also startled the hell out of me because I was looking at my phone when you yelled.”

An amused chuckle escaped her drawing out even more color from Tommy. Covering her mouth with her hand, her intentions were not to embarrass him, but she couldn’t help but laugh with the situation. Something in Tommy’s eyes changed when he realized he no longer had his phone. Spotting it on the floor, Tommy grunted and stretched out his body in attempts to grab a hold of it. Really he should have just gotten up from the bench since it was just a little too far out of his reach, but he was being stubborn dragging it toward him with just his fingertips. Once he got a hold of it, he pulled himself back up into the seated position he was in before.

“I wanted to talk to you,” Tommy explained, shoving his phone into the pocket of the jacket that he was wearing. Searching for something else in another one of his pockets, Tommy pulled something out to reveal the note that she had left for him earlier. Waving it about had her looking away from him. “What’s this Y/N?”

“The twenty-four-hour notice that you asked for,” she thought it was fairly obvious what the note was and the look that Tommy gave her showed her that he realized that. “When I came here you asked me to tell you when I was leaving and I’m telling you. I’m going to hopefully get a plane home tomorrow.”

“You can’t do that,” Tommy exclaimed, shaking his head repeatedly. Even though she didn’t mean to, a scoff fell from her throat. Folding her arms out in front of her chest, she waited for Tommy’s explanation. “I’m not trying to tell you what you can and cannot do. There is just a storm that is starting tonight and it’s supposed to last for three days. If you don’t believe me, you can look on your phone with your weather app. I promise you no plane is gonna wanna be flying out of Jackson with how the weather is gonna be.”

Hearing that had the color draining from her face. Doing as he suggested, she pulled her phone out from her pocket and confirmed exactly what he was telling her. Frustration flooded her veins. Well, now she was stuck here and her original plans would not work. By how upset she was about the information, Tommy could sense that she was completely determined to leave tomorrow which worried him.

“While we’re also on the topic of reasons why you shouldn’t leave,” Tommy sounded nervous in the way he started to speak up again. Standing slowly from the bench, he winced when there was a tug in his back. Something ached from the fall he took earlier. Because she was a doctor, he could see the look on her face immediately changing when he started to rub at his lower back. “I’m fine.”

“Do you need me to look at you?” she offered since it was technically her fault that he fell and that kind of thing was also her job.

“I’m already ashamed enough as it is,” Tommy half smiled, shaking his head at the offer. Falling was enough to make him feel like an idiot, but if he hurt himself from falling? That would only make it worse. “I’ll be fine. I just need to stretch it out.”

Brushing his fingers through his long hair, Tommy focused on looking normal not wanting to feel foolish about hurting himself like he did, “Tomorrow, with the snow, Joel and I are going with Maria’s family to one of the local resorts. Some friends are coming too. We were looking to spend the day there. People typically have fun going there and I wanted to ask you if you’d come with us. You’d get to see one of the biggest draws of Jackson.”

“That’s not going to work,” she rejected his offer, her hands dropping down at her sides. While it was nice that he was trying to include her in something again, there was no way that it would actually happen. “Because I’m afraid of heights and I don’t like skiing.”

“I remember you saying that,” Tommy seemed persistent with whatever he was about to continue on with. “But this resort? It’s huge. And it’s not just skiing. Maria is still coming with us because there are other things to do. With her being pregnant, you know I wouldn’t let her ski. That would just be stupid. Skiing and snowboarding are only some of the things that you can do. They have this winter coaster that is there which is really cool. Gondola rides. Tubing. Places to eat and just hang out. Maria and I have talked it out. We want you there with us.” 

“Tommy, you know how much I like the both of you,” she started, guilt eating away at her with the idea that she was sticking to her decision with it being no, “but Joel? He wants nothing to do with me. So, while I appreciate the offer, I’m going to have to turn you down. Because that makes this whole thing kind of impossible.”

“I see,” Tommy frowned, folding his arms out in front of his chest. Instead of just accepting her answer, he took a moment to think things out and sighed loudly. “I was kinda hoping that he spent the night with you here.”

“You haven’t talked to him?” she was bewildered to hear that, her chest aching when she thought about the night before. With a single shake of his head Tommy answered the question for her. Tommy’s Adam’s apple bounced in his throat and he lowered his head. Emotions were still flooding over from last night into this morning. And she didn’t blame Tommy for being upset. “I take it he’s not here?”

“He had today off,” Tommy replied back, his body language suddenly becoming very uncomfortable. “He always takes this day off every week. But I assumed that the two of you were still together after everything last night.”

“No, your brother and I didn’t spend much longer together after you last had seen us,” she enlightened Tommy to the fact that they split ways not long after leaving the bar. “He walked me to the inn and let me know that I was just a stranger that meant nothing to him. A stranger he really didn’t like much to begin with.”

“So that’s why you left me this,” Tommy suddenly understood why she had decided to go home and leave the note for him. Pushing the note back into his pocket he could see that she was uncomfortable talking about Joel. “You can’t take that to heart. He didn’t mean it. I’ve seen you with my brother and you bring out something I haven’t seen in him in a very long time.”

“Severe anger?” she let out a hesitant laugh, her body tensing up when she considered all the times Joel had slung personal attacks at her since she had gotten here. Tommy lowered back down onto the bench and stared up at her with his big brown eyes. “Tommy, your brother doesn’t like me. I was just the first person to show interest in him and he confused being sex deprived with something more.”

“Now if Joel said that, that’s just him being an asshole to try to push you away,” Tommy insisted with a loud sigh, burying his head into his hand disappointed that his brother would even say something like that. “My brother does everything he can to push people away. He doesn’t think he deserves to be happy and when someone starts to make him feel good, he always sabotages himself. It’s just…it’s who he is.”

“He said a lot of awful things last night before leaving me here,” she claimed, letting Tommy in on what happened. “I realize you think something positive was going on between us, but it was a fluke. Just like Joel said. Your brother said he wasn’t emotionally capable of being with me. Or doing…whatever we were doing.”

“Y’know what? How about the two of us go upstairs? We can grab some cider and donuts for us. Maybe we can go up to your room and talk for a while?” Tommy offered, his jaw flexing realizing that it was a lot to ask from someone who didn’t even know him for that long.

“If you and your family keep giving me free things you are going to go out of business,” she considered after all the gifts that his family had been giving her over the last few days. “While I appreciate it, I’m the last person that needs free things.”

“I doubt that, but…” Tommy stood up, brushing his hands off on his pants when he did it. “We actually give people free cider and donuts every morning during the winter. So, it’s not really me giving you anything that we wouldn’t normally give our guests.”

“Oh,” her face flushed over with color, embarrassment flooding into her features. “Then yeah. We can do that.”

Waving him forward, she followed Tommy up the stairs where they grabbed themselves something and headed up toward her room. When they got in, she motioned him to take a seat on the couch and she sat down at the opposite end. Both of them were quiet and it seemed like they were both waiting for the other one to talk.

“Something happened after you told Joel that you and Maria were having a baby,” she blurt out feeling embarrassed with the way that Tommy gazed over at her. “Joel told me that it was none of my business, but I know that the way he reacted was not normal. I wanted to apologize for him, but Joel was right. I have only been here for a few days and I can’t step into a family situation that I know nothing about.”

“I know why my brother reacted the way he did,” Tommy paused to consider and think what he was going to tell her. “I just was hoping that he would have a different reaction to it than he actually did. Sadly, the way he responded was the way that I thought he would. That’s why I didn’t want to tell anyone about the baby until after the holidays. I knew that he wouldn’t respond in a positive way.”

“That’s not normal Tommy,” she decided after taking some time to think about what Tommy said. Even though she liked Joel, that was an asshole way to respond to the fact that your brother was going to have a baby with the woman that he loved. “People don’t usually act like that.”

“My family isn’t…normal,” Tommy frowned, setting the cup of cider that he had down on one of the coasters that was set up on the coffee table. Shoving the rest of the donut that he had into his mouth, it was then that he realized the bite was probably too big. With big eyes, Y/N smirked as he chewed very uncomfortably showing that he was stressed. With a loud swallow, Tommy grunted and she took a tiny sip of her cider. “Trust me, if you knew things…you would understand.”

“Are these things I’m not allowed to know?” she was curious what these things were. It wasn’t the first time she heard about negative things toward Joel.

“I can’t tell you because they aren’t my life experiences to share. I was part of them, but if I told you and Joel found out,” Tommy paused, sucking in a sharp breath of air, shaking his head at the idea of Joel being angry with him. “He wouldn’t want me to tell anyone. When we moved here, Joel wanted to leave his past behind. But the problem is? Joel’s past defines who he is completely. Joel never truly left his past behind.”

What could she say to that? There were no hints as to what was part of Joel’s past or why Joel was acting the way he was. It was just something that Tommy expected from him.

“My brother is a good man. I know that it may not seem like that, but Joel is and has always been a very good man. He was always putting others before himself. Especially when it came to me. Joel has been taking care of me my whole life,” Tommy expressed to her, placing his hand in over the center of his chest to show sincerity in what he was saying. “Joel had to take care of me, even when we were kids. Joel had to grow up fast and I took a very long time to grow up. And that was hard on Joel. Our parents passed away when we were young and Joel had to raise me. I made a lot of mistakes growing up and he was there to deal with what came afterwards.”

“That doesn’t sound like you,” she had a hard time believing that because Tommy seemed like such a straight laced overall good guy.

“I had a hard time finding my place when I was young,” Tommy admitted, thinking back on his younger years. “I wanted to save the world. I just didn’t realize the toll that it would take on me and the ones I loved. I am the way that I am now because I found love again. But Joel? Joel has suffered through so much pain. More pain than a man should have to endure. And I’m surprised he survived because I don’t know if I would have.”

Hearing that broke her heart, but she didn’t know how she could possibly help Joel or even begin to understand if Tommy wouldn’t tell her, “Joel was happy for a while. Even though he went through a lot there was one thing in his life that balanced him. Made him realize life was special and worth living. And then something terrible happened. And since then? My brother has been a broken man. It wasn’t until you came around that I saw any sense of happiness in my brother.”

A silence followed with the lump in her throat growing bigger. Guilt was growing inside of her and her throat felt dry the further she thought about what Tommy was saying.

“That’s why I’m here begging you to give Joel a chance,” Tommy pled with her, holding his hands together in a way that made him feel pathetic with his face growing hot. “I know it’s been only a few days, but I think you feel it too. I see the way the two of you look at one another. Something happened between the two of you that just clicked. And while my brother is putting up a wall to protect himself and everyone else, he’s hurting himself in return. You? You I think are the only person capable of letting my brother be happy again.”

“Tommy, I’m just a stranger,” she recalled what Joel had said, her body tense when she took in all the information that Tommy was giving her.

“Are you though?” Tommy retorted, his head tipping from side to side with his dark eyes narrowing. “I know that it’s only been a few days, but the things we’ve talked about? I think you’re more comfortable with my family than you are pretty much anyone else. Don’t you?”

“Well, yeah,” she waved her hand about knowing that statement to be true. A big part of her life she kept secret for a reason, but she was very open with the Miller family about her past. “But I can’t help Joel if he doesn’t want to be around me. Yes, I like your brother…”

“Obviously,” Tommy added with a bounce of his eyebrows that brought some color into her face. There were some positions that Tommy had caught her in that she wasn’t very proud of. “Honey, anyone with eyes can see that when the two of you are together, there are sparks.”

“I just don’t know how to be around your brother if he keeps pushing me away and wants to be mean,” she defended her thoughts with Tommy exhaling loudly. “Yesterday was amazing. I don’t remember the last time I was that comfortable with someone Tommy. And then he just turned hateful all over again. With the snap of his fingers, the sweet guy that was eager to take care of me was shitting all over me. Metaphorically speaking.”

“I know that and I’m sorry he’s like that,” Tommy apologized, but she didn’t think that was fair for him to have to do for Joel so she lifted her hands to stop him from going any further.

“Tommy, you’re his brother and when you told him that you were going to be a father—his reaction? It was very poor,” she recognized that the negative behavior went way beyond the things that were going on with her. “If that’s the way he responds to being an uncle…?”

“Listen, I wish I could tell you, but I promise you it makes sense even if you don’t think it would,” Tommy reasoned with her, wincing at the idea of what Joel had done the night before. “My brother will come around eventually. It’s just going to take time. I was unfortunately very drunk last night so I was emotional and didn’t understand his response. I was also hopeful with you around that maybe he wouldn’t be like that.”

“How would you respond to someone who was saying what you are to me?” she pushed Tommy for answers since she didn’t know what Tommy wanted her to say.

“I would think they were nuts,” Tommy knew that this was a lot, but he shrugged his shoulders and sighed loudly. “But I think you’re the one thing that can save my brother from himself. And I know he likes you. I see it in the way that he looks at you. I haven’t seen my brother look that way in a very long time. It was nice to see that part of him again.”

“How can I save someone when I’m barely holding on myself?” she lowered her head, her throat tensing up with her admitting to Tommy that she may have not had the strength to do what he wanted of her. “Joel told me he wasn’t emotionally capable of being the person to help me get to be where I needed to be. You know I’m not right Tommy.”

“You and my brother are so much alike,” Tommy reached out to place his hands in over hers in a friendly manner to show her support. “I’m just asking you to try for just a while longer with him. I think there is something there between the two of you. And I think he can help you just as much as you could help him.”

Biting back on her lip, she felt emotional but she didn’t know why. Just giving Tommy a small nod, she pat her hand in over his and shrugged, “So do you agree to staying here for a little while longer? You’ll join us tomorrow?”

“Tommy, I don’t think I would have a choice either way with leaving,” she pointed to her phone reminding him that there was a snowstorm coming that was dangerous as it was. “I hate flying to begin with and the last thing I want to do is fly in a snowstorm like the one that is coming to this town. So I’m here whether I want to be or not.”

“While that’s true…” Tommy started, sucking in a sharp breath of air, “Something tells me that my brother is one of the things that is making you want to stay.”

Yes and no. Because his brother was the main reason she wanted to leave this morning too.

“I’ll go work on something downstairs for a few. How about you get dressed in something warm and meet me in about thirty minutes at the front. I want to show you something,” Tommy instructed her with a curious expression flooding out over her features. “Trust me.”

She didn’t know why, but she listened to Tommy. Allowing him to leave her room, she cleaned up enough and wore something warm. When he asked her to meet him, she was there and he was already waiting for her.

“So,” she noticed that they were quiet while walking wherever Tommy was taking her. “Were you hoping you would have a daughter or a son?”

“I reckon I’d be happy with either,” Tommy confessed with a weak smile, his head tipping to the side slightly so he could stare out at her when they walked. “I never thought I’d be a dad so it’s all very exciting for me. But also horrifying at the same time.”

“I think you two are going to make great parents,” she decided in an assuring tone hoping to stress to Tommy that everything would be okay. “I have only known you a few days and I can tell with how you treat me you’re going to be great parents.”

“You’re a bit different than a screaming baby,” Tommy teased her with a wrinkle of his nose getting her to smile.

“Well, that depends on the day,” she joked back, nudging him playfully with her arm liking that the banter between them was still innocent and sincere.

“If things don’t work out,” Tommy was quiet in the way he began speaking to her again, his face twisting with contemplation if he should say what he was about to. “If you and my brother have issues, Maria and I really like you. We’d like to keep in contact with you if you don’t mind.”

“Wouldn’t I be biased then when I left my review of the place? Being friends with the owners and all,” she smirked, amused that really the only people she managed to speak to and get close to were the owners of the inn she was staying at. The laugh Tommy let out seemed uncomfortable and amused at the same time. “I’m just screwing with you. Of course. Truthfully? I like the two of you more than most people I know.”

“That’s good,” Tommy noted with a half-smile, “because with my brother I almost assumed you would leave a shitty review of the place.”

“You level things out,” she promised, reaching out to pat at the center of his shoulders provoking Tommy to let out a deep rumble of laughter. “Although, I do have to wonder where you are taking me because I’m fucking freezing with this wind.”

“Just a few more steps,” Tommy motioned ahead of them, grabbing her to stop her when they stepped in front of a storefront. “Look into that window right there.”

“’Where are we?” she went to look up at what the store was, but Tommy instead just pushed her carefully forward toward the window. Doing as she was instructed, she leaned in trying to gaze through the window that was reflecting too much light from the outside with how bright it was. When her eyes adjusted she could see that Joel was sitting with a group of kids. They all had acoustic guitars and it was evident that Joel was attempting to teach them how to play. “You wanted me to see this?”

“My brother is a good man,” Tommy insisted, moving in beside her to watch Joel set his guitar down to head over toward one of the children that were in his class to help adjust their fingers to play. “Little rough around the edges, but his heart is good. It’s just hard for him to believe that he deserves any sort of happiness in his life. The man would give you the shirt off his back even if it was the last thing that he had. He’s just severely protective of those he loves but also good at self-sabotaging himself because he’s not used to having something good in his life.”

“You’re really trying to hook me and your brother up,” she noticed how hard Tommy was pushing her to see the good in Joel. “You realize that, right?”

“Actually, I was furious with my brother yesterday morning when he walked out of your room because I thought he made a mistake that was fueled by alcohol,” Tommy thought back to when he found Joel leaving Y/N’s suite. “Now I know there is something more. You bring out something in him and as his little brother? I just want to see him happy.”

Not wanting to embarrass or upset Joel, they didn’t stay too long. Both her and Tommy had lunch together where instead of focusing on Joel, they just got to know each other better as friends. And after they did? She went back to the inn and got cleaned up. A lot of what they talked about weighed heavy on her. The fact that all she could do was think about Joel Miller told her that there was something inside of her that longed for him. She hadn’t felt this way about someone in a very long time.

There was something that struck realization into her while she lounged around her room all day. The conversation she had with Joel the night before when they were alone together in that hallway. They made plans for something that was very unlikely to happen tonight. Something dirty. But considering this town was small and Joel had been at The Tipsy Bison every day she had been there so far? She might have been lucky and he’d be there again.

Getting ready, she knew that this was ridiculous, but she pulled out the only dress she brought with her which was a tight-fitting black dress that was something in the past she would have worn to a club to get attention. It was freezing outside, so this was definitely a decision that might have been a bad one. But she didn’t care. Putting on her heavy coat that she had bought in town here over the dress felt strange. It wasn’t a long walk, but damn did she regret wearing this as soon as she stepped outside. Admittedly? Usually she wouldn’t rush, but since it was already snowing, the walk to The Tipsy Bison was rather quick, kickstarting her heart to race. By the time she reached the bar, once she entered she almost regretted it. This was a stupid idea.

People were staring at her when she entered. And she didn’t blame them. She had dressed up nice, done her make up and was out to impress if she had spotted Joel Miller. There was a sense of disappointment that flooded her veins when she looked to the table that Joel had mentioned to her the night before. It was empty. Maybe she should have just left.

That was when she took another look at the bar and felt a rush flood through her veins realizing that Joel was slouched over at the end of the bar holding onto a glass that she assumed had whiskey in it. Clearing her throat, she confidently pulled the material from her jacket down her body. Doing so immediately drew the attention of the bartender that was at the time pouring Joel’s drink. Folding her coat over her arm, she stood there for a moment longer. Noticing that the bartender must have been gawking, Joel turned on his seat with his brown eyes growing big when he saw her standing there in the dress. Making sure to lock eyes with Joel, she gave him an emotionless expression before heading over toward the booth that he had mentioned.

Taking a seat, she waited. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed that Joel’s face was scrunching up in confusion with what she was doing. But pretty quickly the bartender that had ignored her the previous days was stumbling through the bar eager to come over to get a drink order from her. Not wanting to make an ass of herself, she ordered a juice because the last thing she wanted to do was get drunk and end up home with the wrong person.

Pulling out her phone, she acted like she was checking something, but out of her peripherals was watching Joel’s reaction toward her. What was disappointing is that he didn’t get up. He just turned around back toward the bar, but every so often he would look over his shoulder at her to see what she was doing.

Mostly she was getting the stares from men that she didn’t want to get the attention of. Especially the one that Joel had terrified the night before. Considering no one was coming up to her, Joel was likely right. That guy was a big mouth and let everyone know what Joel said so people were too afraid to go over to her.

When she got her drink, she noticed that Joel was staring at her again over his shoulder and she teasingly stroked her fingers at the glass that was before her. Eventually Joel smirked, shook his head and turned away from her again.

“Wow,” she muttered under her breath starting to feel embarrassed at just how much she was failing in this situation. With how desperately Joel spoke to her yesterday about the scenario they set up, she thought doing what he had told her last night would have drawn him to her. The dress she was wearing was tight, clinging to her every curve. She was wearing something with a skirt just like he had asked her to. Seeing him blow her off like that just made her know how stupid this really was. Huffing out, she slid out from the booth and started to put her jacket on again.

Grabbing her juice, she headed over toward the bar hearing a crashing sound with how quickly the bartender came over toward her as she stepped in beside Joel who tensed up with her near. It was interesting how quickly this bartender went from ignoring her the first day to falling over himself to get to her.

“Something wrong with your drink?” the bartender wondered with her slamming the glass down in front of Joel who stiffened beside her, his back straightening when he tipped his head just enough to look back at her. His eyebrows bounced up and they locked eyes. “Can I get you something else?”

“No, I’m leaving, but he can have this,” she declared, sliding the drink in closer to Joel whose dark eyes narrowed when she leaned in closer to him. More than anything she wanted to lash out at him, but she knew that she couldn’t and shouldn’t in front of these people. “Enjoy the drink.”

“Yes ma’am,” Joel spoke quietly, his expression barely changing only infuriating her more. She felt the eyes of the people around them watching and she had to have looked ridiculous. Frowning, she shook her head and turned on her heel heading to leave.

“This was so dumb,” she confessed once she reached the outside, cussing out when she almost slid because of the snow that had started to fall. Noticing that town square was close to empty, instead of heading directly back to the inn she went across the street to see the tree. Whenever things were hard for her in New York City she would go to the Rockefeller tree and she would find some kind of inspiration there. So she was hoping the tree here would have the same kind of effect for her too. Tommy begged her to stay for Joel, but with the way Joel responded to her, she felt like that was a stupid decision. Once she reached the tree, the heavy amounts of snow caught her foot causing her to slip and fall back into the snow. Thankfully there was enough snow to catch her fall causing her to let out a frustrated laugh. “You have to be fucking kidding me.”

Staring up toward the sky, she didn’t have the will power to get up right now. So she just stayed there with her heart pounding inside of her chest. It was freezing and she’d likely make herself sick, but she was fed up with everything right now. There was a burning at her cheeks from the wind and a prickling sensation in her legs from being bare and laying in the snow. Yeah, she certainly succeeded in making herself out to be an idiot tonight.

The sound of the snow crunching under someone’s footsteps was heard, but she didn’t bother to look. A moment later, Joel’s curious brown eyes were staring down at her. His right eyebrow arched, the crease at the bridge of his nose growing deeper.

“What in God’s name are you doing?” Joel asked, his southern drawl raspier than normal when he tipped his head slightly. Having Joel standing over her like that did feel ridiculous, but she couldn’t find herself thinking of an answer fast enough.

“I’m making snow angels. Isn’t that obvious?” she waved her arms about causing Joel to smirk at her antics. With a slow nod, Joel looked around the area before carefully lowering down in beside her in the snow. Astonishment flooded her body with her turning her head to the side to see that Joel was looking up into the sky like she had been. “What are you doing?”

“Well if people see you like that, they are going to think you’re crazy,” Joel alerted her, turning his head slightly to lock eyes with her. “So this way? They’ll think we’re crazy together.”

Hearing that had her heart skipping a beat. Returning her stare back to the sky above them, she could tell that Joel was getting more comfortable beside her in the snow. Resting his hands in over her abdomen while he laid there, Joel kept quiet. 

“You fell, didn’t you?” Joel asked simply causing her to let out a tremoring exhale.

“Yes. Yes I did,” she was honest, hearing the tiny chuckle from Joel. If she wasn’t freezing her ass off right now, she might have found this funny too.

Silence returned and it started to feel uncomfortable so she decided to break it, “I saw you earlier.”

“And I saw you earlier,” Joel countered, confusing her in that moment because she was fairly certain that he hadn’t seen her and Tommy watching him teach those children. “The performance was a bit dramatic if you ask me.”

“Thank you, but I wasn’t talking about that,” she scoffed when she understood that he was talking about what just happened in the bar with them together moments earlier. “I was actually talking about earlier today. You teaching those children how to play the guitar. It was cute.”

“Hmmm…” Joel hummed, his jaw flexing with her confession to him. His eyelashes fluttered when he turned his head to look out at her again. Originally, she thought he might have been embarrassed, but he didn’t seem to mind. “I told you sometimes I could be really cute.”

“And sometimes you can be a huge asshole,” she was short with him having him nod his head as if he agreed with her. Instead of fighting back with her, he just took her comment with a grain of salt. “You should teach me how to play before I leave.”

“This world?” Joel spouted off eliciting her to push up onto her hands to stare out at him. Mirroring her, Joel sat up in the snow and held his hand out to direct her attention to what she was wearing. “Because if you lay in the snow much longer like that I can’t do much of anything.”

Well, he wasn’t wrong. By now, she couldn’t feel much of anything with her legs and she knew that was a bad thing. Tommy told her that there was going to be a storm tonight. She should have realized wearing this dress would be a bad idea. Even if it wasn’t much of a walk from the inn to the bar that the Miller family often attended.

“My legs are numb,” she admitted with a frown eliciting a low rumble of a groan from Joel. Watching him digging into the inside of his jacket, she knew that he was right. She needed to get out of this snow. Digging something out of his jacket, Joel motioned her forward and she gave him an odd expression. “What?”

“Don’t be stubborn,” Joel instructed, reaching out to pull his winter hat down in over her head. After that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a thick pair of work gloves. A rush of embarrassment flooded through her with Joel gesturing her to hold her hands up. Doing as she was told, Joel pulled the gloves down over her hands making sure that they would stay. Right now she felt like a child that was being taken care of. Tugging her jacket together better, Joel grunted and repositioned himself. “Hold tight.”

“To what?” she gasped out with Joel hooking his arms under her firmly lifting her up from the snow. Not wanting to fall, she was quick to wrap her arms around the back of Joel’s neck with him readjusting her in his arms when he got to his feet. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Your legs are numb,” Joel reminded her nodding over toward her legs that sincerely did ache. Resting her head in against Joel’s shoulder, she was amazed with how strong he genuinely was. By the time that he was carrying her out of town square, Joel was right. People were looking at them like they were insane.

“Where are you taking me?” she asked noticing that they were headed in the opposite direction of the inn. Grunting, Joel adjusted her in his arms in a way that seemed to be more comfortable for him. “Joel?!”

“You need to warm up properly. And considering you pulled this stunt in an attempt to impress me, I’m taking you to my home. It’s not that far away,” Joel responded, his southern accent growing stronger while he continued down the street in the direction of the homes that were in Jackson. “We’ll get you into proper clothes, sit you down in front of the fireplace to warm up and I’ll get something warm into you.”

Pausing to consider what he just had said had her snickering against the side of his neck and he huffed, “Be mature for ten seconds. You know I mean a drink.”

“Suddenly you care?” she tried to gather herself from continuing to tease Joel. Yeah, it was immature, but the things that Joel had said to her yesterday had eaten away at her all night and into today. Honestly? She knew she shouldn’t have been complaining because her legs ached and she wondered if she would have even been able to walk back to the inn with how sore she was. Tipping her head back enough, there was an amused expression over Joel’s features and it made her frown. “I’m just saying. Yesterday you weren’t very nice to me.”

“What did you say I was occasionally? An asshole?” Joel confirmed with her, his breathing creating a visible mist in the air with how cold it actually was. Giving him a tiny nod, she curled her arms tighter around him with him turning another corner. “It’s more than occasionally. But I’m also on occasion a gentleman.”

Even though she wanted to fight him, she truthfully liked being in his arms and just lowered her head again. They were quiet when he made it to a home that she assumed was his with his last name painted on the mailbox. Moving up the steps to the walkway that led to his home, Joel’s face scrunched up and he laughed, “Although, I do have to ask you. You’re a smart person. What led you to think it was smart wearing this in this kind of temperature?”

“I uh…” she clung tighter to Joel with him moving up the steps to his home. When he reached the door, Joel carefully lowered her down for a moment with one of his arms still wrapped around her to brace her weight against him. Digging into his pockets, he managed to pull out his keys. Struggling to get the door open, he gave her a nervous smile fumbling with it until it opened. Grunting out, he picked her up in his arms again after he put the keys back into his pocket. “Joel!”

“Calm down, I’ve got you,” he hushed her, kicking the door shut with his heel acting as if her worrying about the idea of him dropping her was ridiculous. Walking throughout his house in the dark seemed to be easy for him. Before she knew what was happening, she was being set down on his couch carefully before he walked through the room to turn the light on. “Let’s get the fire started for you…”

Watching him from the couch she knew that she was a tremoring mess. Probably looking ridiculous with his hat and gloves on. Joel was right. It was too fucking cold to pull a stunt like that. And she knew better. She was a doctor after all. For a few minutes Joel worked with the fireplace until he got it working. Swiftly, he moved one of his seats closer to the fire and headed over toward the couch again.

“I can stand up,” she went to stop him, but he didn’t allow her when he picked her up with ease. Being cautious with the way he sat her down, she was amazed at how gentle he was being with her. Especially after last night. The warmth of the fire felt nice with Joel reaching to pull the gloves from her hands. Tossing the gloves aside, he grabbed a hold of her hands and rubbed at them to gather some warmth. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,” he shook his head, dropping his hands down to rub at her legs that were undoubtedly the coldest part of her. It wasn’t something that was sexual, he really was doing his best just to warm her up. The gesture was very sweet and she felt a lump growing in her throat watching him. “Let me go get you something to wear. I did the laundry today, so it should be fresh. I promise.”

“You don’t have to…” before she could finish Joel had already walked out of the living room leaving her alone to herself sitting in front of the fire.

The time alone allowed her to gaze upon Joel’s home for the first time. Except for the tree that was in the corner of the room left unplugged, everything was extraordinarily average. Joel’s living room was clean, everything had a place and the only thing that she noticed was the paintings on the wall reminded her a lot of the inn. It was too bad she didn’t have the strength to walk around and explore but her body was exactly where it wanted to be. Enjoying the warmth of the fireplace that Joel had sat her near. The sound of footsteps returning was heard and she looked toward the area Joel walked away to see him rounding the corner.

“I grabbed you some sweatpants, a t-shirt and a hoodie that I had in there,” Joel moved before her, holding out the clothes that he had grabbed for her. Accepting them, she lowered them down into her lap with Joel nervously looking around his living room. Messing his fingers through his hair, Joel stumbled through the living room and plugged the tree in to give her more light. Unlike the inn where the Christmas tree was extravagant, this was very plain. It just had lights on it with no decorations whatsoever. “I’ll turn the television on so you have some background noise while I make you something warm. Would you prefer some coffee or hot chocolate? I’m a coffee guy. Big fan of coffee. But if it’s too late for that…”

“Coffee is fine,” she cut him off, not wanting to be much of a bother with things.

“You can change in here. I’ll stay in the kitchen for a few just to make sure I don’t see anything,” Joel promised snapping his fingers. Clicking his tongue against the top of his mouth, a rush of color flooded into Joel’s face and he seemed to be embarrassed. Turning on his heel, he headed back toward what she assumed was the kitchen leaving her there. Waiting for a moment, she shakily stood up from the chair and worked her dress off. Putting the clothes on that he gave her to the best of her ability, she folded up the dress and then lowered down into the chair again. “Permission to come in?”

Looking to the entrance of the room, she couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of Joel holding his hand dramatically over his eyes while taking big steps into the room. Holding out a pair of socks drew her eyes to them with Joel huffing, “I thought you might need these. Cold feet is never a good feeling.”

“You can uncover your eyes,” she assured him with Joel dropping his hand down at his side. Even though he was in fact being a gentleman, she really wouldn’t have cared if he had seen her naked. Strangely, she was that comfortable with Joel. “Thank you for these.”

“Yes ma’am,” Joel watched her closely, holding his hand out for her dress. “I’ll hang that up to dry if you would like.”

Handing off the dress, she was impressed with how good Joel was taking care of her. Whatever Joel had turned on the television before he left appeared to be some kind of Christmas romance film. And it brought a smile to her wondering if Joel often watched these type of movies since this was the channel that was left on.

“Y’know what I still can’t wrap my mind around?” Joel’s voice made her jump when he returned to the living room with two mugs in his hands. Unhurriedly handing hers off to her, Joel made sure she had a good hold of it before releasing it. Cupping the mug in her hands, she was using it mainly just to warm herself up. “That you somehow thought it was a smart idea to wear all that just to get my attention.”

“It worked,” she reminded him with Joel taking a moment to think that over. Tipping his head from side to side, his bottom lip curled before he nodded. “Didn’t it?”

“Oh, it worked. I just thought it was ridiculous,” Joel informed her, leaning his arm against the wall that was beside the fireplace. Bringing his mug up to his lips, Joel took what sounded like an annoyingly loud slurp of his coffee and she wondered if he did it on purpose. “The whole idea was to wear something inconspicuous so we could get away with it. Wearing that dress? You had the bartender exploding in his pants. All eyes were on you. We could have never done what we talked about. With your breasts being all perky and nice.”

“Perky and nice?” she chuckled at his description. “Thank you?”

“You’re welcome,” Joel bobbed his head about with a tiny smirk tugging at his features. “You really thought coming into that bar today would get me to come over there and do the things we talked about last night?”

“It was worth a shot,” she thought aloud, turning her attention back toward the fire. Taking her first sip of the coffee, she knew that this was more so for the warmth.

“Why?” Joel muttered with a huff, his face scrunching up in disbelief. “I treated you like shit yesterday and you still wanted to do that with me?”

“I guess I’m kind of a moron,” she theorized, her eyebrows bouncing up provoking him to chuckle under his breath. Shifting uneasily in the seat that he had moved for her, her eyes finally looked up at him. “I unfortunately couldn’t get my mind off you all night. When you can’t stop thinking about someone you become pretty desperate to get their attention. Even if that means hurting yourself in the process. Falling in the snow was not part of the plan though, I promise you that.”

Stepping forward, Joel extended his hand to collect her jaw loosely between his rough fingertips, “Don’t ever hurt yourself for me again. I may be a dick, but I don’t wanna see you dead. You understand me? It doesn’t take much for you to catch my attention. You don’t have to risk your health in order to do it.”

“Would you have been as nice to me otherwise?” she interrogated him, getting his eyes to narrow almost immediately after. While it was a nice thing to hear, she doubted that Joel would have been so welcoming like this if she wouldn’t have been stupid. “See. You wouldn’t have.”

“Touché,” Joel grumbled, motioning her to wait. Setting his coffee down on the coffee table near the couch, Joel made his way over toward one of the closets to pull out a blanket for her. Heading back over, he was careful in the way he wrapped it around her and over her shoulders. “Good?”

Turning his head, the warmth of his breath lingered over hers and it made a shuddering exhale escape her lips. Not being able to form words, she just nodded with Joel tipping his head forward just enough to nuzzle his nose in against hers.

“Why did you do what you did last night? I don’t need to know that stuff with Tommy. I mean with me,” she wanted to know his reasoning with her heart skipping a beat at the closeness of him. “What did I do?”

“It wasn’t you,” Joel slurred, his cheek rubbing in against hers and with her free hand she instinctively started to stroke her fingers at the back of his neck. “What I said is true Y/N. I’m nothing good. I’m poison. The quicker you see that, the better.”

“This doesn’t feel like poison,” she noted placing a delicate kiss over the side of his face having him tense up before her. His body’s reactions to her drove her wild for this man. Every touch she gave him had him reacting, even if he didn’t want it to. It was involuntary, but he yearned for every delicate sweep of her fingers over his skin along with her kisses. “This actually feels really nice.”

“I’m no good for anyone,” Joel’s words vibrated against her cheek with him starting to pepper faint kisses there. This was an odd way to have such a serious conversation, but she liked it. “Especially someone like you.”

“Someone like me?” she repeated, her eyelids heavy when she pulled back just enough to meet his chocolate brown eyes. Tracing her fingertips through the facial hair that covered his jawline made him suck in a sharp breath of air.

Lowering down onto his knees, the heat from Joel’s palm had her leaning into his touch with him caressing over her face, “Someone perfect. Someone delicate. Someone who deserves better than someone like me. I never know the right thing to say. I’m angry all the time. You don’t need that in your life.”

Dragging his thumb across her bottom lip, Joel’s breathing grew uneven with his eyes following the movement, “I don’t understand this. Whatever it is going on between us. We only just met, but I’m addicted to you.”

Kissing faintly at the pad of his thumb drew him in closer to her. There was a longing in his eyes that had a fire burning deep within her.

“Not just because you want to fuck me?” she recalled what he had said the night before evoking him to let out a raspy laugh.

“I won’t lie, I do desperately want to sleep with you,” Joel confessed with a grunt, his nose nuzzling in against hers again. Hearing that excited her. Especially since she had a yearning for him as well. “But that’s not the only reason I like you. I don’t know what it is, but when you touch me…even if it’s you touching my face…”

“You’re touch starved,” she heard the pant that he released with her dragging her hand across the side of his neck and up over his face. Cuddling his head into her touch, Joel’s lips parted and his long eyelashes fluttered to a close. “You are so beautiful.”

Hearing her call him beautiful made a tiny smile tug at his lips and she was certain he was thinking that was an odd way to describe a man like him, “Would you hold me?”

“Are you sure?” Joel confirmed with her, but it didn’t take long for her to nod. Setting aside the coffee he got for her, she stood up from the chair to have Joel lower down into it. Helping to lead her back into his lap, Joel managed to wrap them both up in the blanket with his arms wrapping around her to hold onto her. Nuzzling his nose in against the side of her neck, Joel hummed as he placed tiny kisses there as well. “I’m a mess.”

“I know,” she agreed with him, an involuntary smile pressing in over her lips with her stroking her fingers through his dark messy hair. “But I am too.”

For a while she just sat in his arms, enjoying the way the fire worked to warm her up as well as the warmth of his body surrounding hers. At some point the television had drawn her attention and she saw that a love scene was on the screen.

“You know, no one has ever made love to me like that,” she commented seeing that the two characters were laying in front of a fireplace wrapped up in blankets. “In the movies, love scenes seem so perfect…”

“Movies are completely unrealistic,” Joel reminded her with a scoff, grunting with a laugh when she swatted at his chest. “I’m just saying. Love scenes are a fabricated lie that people use to make women swoon. To believe in something more. But no one has sex like that.”

“Well that’s a shame,” she suggested liking the way that Joel rubbed his cheek in against hers again with his facial hair scratching at her skin. “Women wait a lifetime for moments like that and it never happens.”

“That’s what the film industry does. Sets people up to be let down,” Joel hinted, pulling her in closer to him with a long sigh.

“You know,” she pulled her attention away from Joel for just a moment to look at Joel’s tree. “I’m surprised how bare your tree is. You barely have any decorations in here. Whereas at the inn? Everything is covered.”

“I told you that was more Tommy and Maria,” Joel stole a quick look back at his tree, grunting out at the sight of it. “Tommy put that up. He wanted me to have something for Christmas. It’s not really my thing. It brings back feelings for me that I don’t like having. I’m sure…I’m sure you understand.”

“I don’t know what happened to you, but I do understand why you feel the way you do,” she swept her thumb in over his jawline, getting his dark eyes to lock with hers. “Whatever happened Joel, I’m sorry.”

“Me too,” Joel frowned, turning in toward her hand to place a kiss over the center of her palm. Curling his finger in underneath her chin, Joel led her to him, capturing her lips in a lingering kiss. It was sweet, almost romantic. And by the time they separated her heart felt like it was going to pound right out of her chest. “I shouldn’t feel this way this fast.”

“It’s okay,” she hushed him, outstretching her fingers to trace in over the lines of his face. A loud exhaled escaped him and the way he looked at her took her breath away. “Joel? Do you think you could teach me how to play the guitar?”

“Right now? Is that what you want to do?” Joel’s head tipped back, lifting to grab a loose hold of her hand. Confirming with a nod, she felt Joel shifting her weight and she shakily stood to her feet. Taking care of the fireplace, Joel held his hand out to hers and tipped his head in the direction of his stairs. “You want me to carry you?”

“I think I can handle it,” she responded feeling silly that he had to carry her as much as he did already. Wiggling her legs, she could tell that they still were numb but she thought she would be good enough to move.

“Follow me,” he ordered, smirking when he held his hand out to hers. Without question, she hooked her fingers with his and he led her unhurriedly up the stairs. One thing she noticed about Joel’s house was a lot of it was covered in paintings and not so many photos. This could have been anyone’s home really. Reaching the second floor, she knew that this would be a place she’d love to explore just to get to have a better understanding of Joel. Leading her to one of the rooms, Joel kept a hold of her hand when he flicked the switch on for his office. “This is where I uh…make things.”

“Make things?” she looked around his work room not knowing where to look first. Several acoustic guitars were hanging on the wall. There were shelves with multiple carvings resting on them. Letting go of Joel’s hand she moved over toward them to inspect each one of them. Reaching for one of them, she took it off the shelf to observe it. The carving was a very detailed one of a grizzly bear standing on a large rock after catching a fish in its mouth. A few of the carvings were left unfinished, but this one? Everything was done along with the painting of it. And it was amazing. “You did this?”

“Yeah,” Joel stood at the center of the room, his hands in his pockets with his shoulders slouching forward. When she looked to him it seemed like he might have been embarrassed when she returned it and then reached for another one that he did. “I like to keep my mind busy. I look at pictures and then I uh, well I carve them.”

“These are amazing,” she applauded him on his work, setting them down and then moving over toward where the acoustic guitars were hanging. “And you make these as well?”

“I do,” Joel was quiet while she gazed upon his work. “Those are probably my favorite thing to make. When people ask me for one, I like to try to fit their personality to it. I told you I loved music growing up, so I’m drawn to that kind of stuff.”

“These are impressive Joel,” she continued to make her way around the room stopping at one of his work benches to look at the carving he was working on. It was partially done, but it was easy to tell that it was rodeo themed with a cowboy riding a horse that was on its back legs. “I could never do something like this.”

“Well, like I said…” Joel headed over toward the acoustic guitar that was at the corner of the room. Picking it up, Joel held it in his hands and headed over toward one of the seats to sit down. “You’re good with your hands. And I’m good with mine. Just in other ways.”

“No kidding,” she agreed with him hearing him starting to strum a few chords behind her while she took her time looking upon his next work bench where he obviously made his acoustic guitars. “This is impressive.”

“Mhmm…” Joel didn’t want to act like it was a big deal because it was something he just did in his spare time. It wasn’t like it was much of a big deal for him. After she felt like she had invaded his privacy enough, she reached for one of the chairs and pulled it before him. “Did you have any kind of music training when you were younger?”

“Nothing extensive,” she found herself in awe that Joel could just continue to play a tune like it was nothing while sharing a conversation with her. “How many songs do you know by heart?”

“Don’t know,” Joel slurred, his southern drawl growing deeper as she slid in closer to him. “Lots I reckon.”

“How do you remember them all?” she heard Joel easily change to a different recognizable song without even stumbling or having any problems at all.

“Do you have to look at an instruction manual every time you do a surgery?” Joel inquired, his right eyebrow arching drawing out a smirk from her. Shaking her head, Joel snickered to himself and sighed loudly. “Then I guess in the same way you don’t have to do that.”

“Will you sing for me?” she pushed remembering that Joel had told her that he wanted to be a singer when he was younger. “Please?”

“Nope,” he stuck to his guns, changing the tune again impressing her with how easily he seemed to do it. “I don’t sing in front of people.”

“You’re going to sing for me at some point,” she claimed, her head bobbing about causing Joel to snort and dramatically shake his head. “I’m going to hear that voice and you are going to want to play for me when you do.”

“Sorry, not gonna happen,” Joel refused once more eliciting a frustrated sound from her. “Even if you use that cute little frown on me, I won’t do it. I’ve already let you know too much as it is. You coming into my house? This? It’s a big deal.”

“Do you have to kill me now?” she mocked, her eyebrows bouncing up pulling out a raspy laugh from inside of him. Hearing him laugh like that had a warmth flooding throughout her body.

“I might,” Joel grumbled, his one dimple very prominent with the smile still over his lips. “Gotta keep my secrets, y’know?”

Resting her elbows on her knees, she lowered down to get comfortable while he played the guitar, “Tell you what? How about I make you one of my acoustic guitars to make up for my lack of singing around you. Would you like that?”

“You’d do that?” she seemed excited at the idea and he gave her a single nod appreciating that she seemed to want that. “That’d be awesome.”

“Okay then,” Joel stopped playing and stood up from the chair to move over to place the guitar in her hands. Watching her adjust it made him smirk and he immediately shook his head. “No, don’t hold it like that.”

Kneeling down in front of her, Joel took her hands to show her the proper way to hold onto the guitar. Really, she did her best to listen to Joel explaining things to her, but she was having issues. Distracted would be an understatement. Joel was going over the parts of the guitar with her, explaining things and she listened, but at the same time she was just enjoying being close to him.

By the time Joel was teaching her simple chords after grabbing her a guitar pick, she felt a chill running down her spine. Joel was standing behind her, his hands helping to move hers and she just liked having him near. For a while she did her best to focus and while she learned some things, having Joel’s head so close to hers drew her to look upon him.

“Everything okay?” Joel noticed that she was staring at him and he gave her a weak smile.

Not knowing exactly what to say, she lowered down the guitar and turned in her seat toward him, “Can I be honest with you?”

“You have been thus far. So I’d expect nothing else from you,” Joel reminded her noticing the uneasiness in her body when she looked down. “Hey?”

“You’re my favorite thing about this town,” she declared, her eyes lifting once more having Joel swallow down hard with his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. “I thought of leaving tomorrow, but nothing inside of me wants to truly do that because I like spending time with you. Call me pathetic, call me what you want, but being around you? It just feels good.”

Dropping his stare to her lips, Joel’s breathing grew louder. Curling his fingers around the back of her neck, Joel led her to him to steal another kiss from her. At first his kisses were gentle and delicate. Soft sweeps of his lips over hers led her to lean in closer to him. Kissing him felt incredible and it was addictive.

Pulling away from the kiss for a moment, Joel grabbed a hold of the guitar to set it aside carefully. Standing up had her following him moving from the chair eager to meet him in another passionate kiss that had him wrapping her up in his arms.

Picking her up had her gasping against his mouth as he stumbled over toward one of his free desks. Lowering her down on top of it, Joel growled with the way that she cupped his face. Tender strokes of her thumbs against the side of his face had his lips parting. Having her touching him had chills flooding down his spine. No one had this kind of effect on him. Especially not this fast.

“I don’t want you to leave,” Joel confessed, pressing his forehead to hers. A tremoring breath escaped his lips. And in that moment? She saw desperation in his eyes. The idea of her leaving actually upset him. Leaning into her touch, Joel knew that he craved to have her near him. How he felt for her? It was indescribable. “Please don’t run away because of me. I know I’m hard to care for…”

Brushing her fingers through his messy hair, she gazed up seeing just how emotionally broken Joel really was. Conflicting emotions flooded throughout Joel, but she could see that she meant something to him. What he needed was what Tommy said earlier. Someone who wouldn’t give up on him because he was too trapped in what he was used to. Which was torturing himself.

Hushing him, she leaned in to press faint kisses over his lips. Having him panic about her leaving was not her intentions. Sliding her hands down in over the sides of his neck, she lowered them even further and dragged the backs of her hands over the front of his chest. Starting to work open the buttons of his shirt had Joel’s breathing broken, his forehead pressing in against hers. Helping her, Joel managed to get his shirt down his body allowing it to fall at his feet on the floor. Almost immediately her hands were reaching for the bottom of his t-shirt working it from his body.

Grunting out, Joel lifted his arms aiding to get it off him. Dropping the t-shirt down on the ground, she lowered her stare to gaze upon his naked torso. It was the first time that she actually got to see him completely shirtless. And she wanted to take all of him in. Placing her hands gently in over the center of Joel’s chest had his lips parting with his eyelids growing heavy. Right now she wanted to learn all of him. Tracing her fingers along the lengths of his abdomen had him sucking in a sharp breath of air.

“I haven’t had someone touch me like this in a long time,” Joel reminded her of something he had said previously when they were fooling around. Watching her touch him, Joel licked his lips when she drew shapes down over the lengths of his body toward the softer part of his stomach under his bellybutton. “I’m sorry for the way I’m acting.”

“I like it,” she quieted him, shaking her head with Joel’s long eyelashes fluttering. While he was panicked, she was in awe of him. There was a vulnerability in him that was easy to pick up on with her tracing lines over his torso. Reaching his lower abdomen, it was then she finally noticed the significant scarring that was there. How she had missed this before blew her mind. Dragging her fingertips over the puckered flesh drew out a nervous sound from Joel. Shakily, he reached for her hands to stop her.

“Joel,” she shook her head, using her free hand to get him to relax. Sliding in closer to the edge of the table, she hovered her lips in over his. Even though he was uneasy with his body, she appreciated every part of him. “Your scars, mental or physical, they make you who you are. And who you are is beautiful.”

Releasing a tremoring breath, Joel’s fingers were fast to grab for the hoodie that he had given her. Quickly he helped her get it from her body much like she had done with him. Tossing it onto the floor with his shirts, Joel panted realizing that he was eager. Not hesitating in his movements, he grabbed a hold of her t-shirt next. Locking eyes with her, Joel could sense that she became nervous in that moment. Tugging the material up her body, Joel stopped at her arms. With a nod, she lifted her arms for him allowing him to pull it from her body. A long exhale escaped his throat when her breasts were revealed to him for the first time with a slight bounce from the movement. Dropping the t-shirt at his feet, Joel’s hands pressed faintly in over her sides while she sank her fingers into his hair.

“You are breathtaking,” Joel whispered, his thumbs sweeping at the area just below her ribcage. It had her arching in closer to him with his hands sliding further up to cup tenderly at the underside of her breasts. Whimpering at the sensation, she pulled Joel in closer to her having his forehead pressing against hers. Bringing their bodies closer together, Joel wrapped her up in his arms. Her breasts pressed against his chest with his nose nuzzling in against the side of her neck. The skin-to-skin contact felt amazing with both of them tracing the lengths of the others body with lazy, lingering strokes of their fingertips.

Joel wasn’t a very verbal lover, but the reaction of his body to hers was more than enough making her realize what he was feeling. Wet kisses were being pressed against her shoulder, the sensation of his facial hair scratching against her skin evoking shivers throughout her body.

“You are so beautiful,” Joel mirrored her sentiment with his mouth finding its way to her neck. Nipping at her flesh, Joel’s mouth started to trail a line in over her collarbone. Resting his head against her chest, Joel’s right hand caressed up over the front of her abdomen until his thumb came in direct contact with her nipple. Circling it faintly with the rough pad of his thumb, Joel groaned out with the sound she made when he did it. Dropping his head down, Joel’s mouth surrounded her breast dragging the length of his tongue across the flesh. Teasing his tongue around the small bud in circular motions, Joel heard her moaning out and the ache inside of his body grew larger. A firm tug of her fingers at his hair had him lifting his head back to meet her in a hungry kiss. Brushing his tongue against hers, Joel’s body started to tremble as her hands dropped down to start working open the belt in his jeans. Cupping her face firmly, Joel wanted to keep his eyes locked with hers as she worked open his pants.

Tugging at his jeans, she got his pants open and parted them causing Joel to step forward. Teasing her fingertips at his hips, she caressed at his sides and up over his body again. Leaning back, Joel looked down between the two of them. Sweeping his thumb in over her jawline had her leaning into his caress. In that moment she noticed something and reached for Joel’s wrist.

“Joel?” she seemed worried with her eyes centering in over his watch that was on his wrist. What had worried her was that the watch appeared to be broken with a crack over it. “Did we do this?”

“Don’t,” Joel warned, pulling back and away from her lowering his hand down at his side to keep her from looking at it.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how that happened,” she apologized assuming that they had done it with him carrying her over toward the table. “I can pay for that to get fixed and…”

“It’s been like that for a while,” Joel explained forcing himself to look away from her. Huffing out, Joel reached down to grab the t-shirt he had taken from her body and the hoodie. Holding them out toward her, Joel’s jaw flexed and he appeared angry almost immediately. Why was this happening again? “This was a bad idea. Get dressed. I’ll get you a ride back to the inn.”

“Joel?” she breathed out shocked at how quickly he turned on her with him grabbing his t-shirt to pull it back on. Hastily pulling the t-shirt she had in over her body, she was quick to follow Joel out of the room reaching to grab his wrist before he could leave. “What did I do?”

“Nothing. You did nothing,” Joel snapped at her getting a chill to run down her spine at how fast his attitude seemed to change when she noticed his broken watch. Some kind of switch had been flicked inside of him and that man that was desperate to be near her suddenly seemed to want to push her away again. “I just think it’s best for you to leave.”

“Stop,” her voice raised, hooking her fingers tighter around Joel’s wrist to force him from leaving. Pulling him back to her, she closed the distance between the two of them with her palm caressing in over the side of his face getting him to look at her. “I don’t know what’s going on with you and I won’t pretend that I understand but stop pushing me away from you.”

“I can’t do this,” Joel confessed with his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat, a sense of sadness flooding throughout his features. Lifting her other hand, she caressed at the sides of his face having him whimpering.

“Can’t do what?” she tried to understand, being empathetic to whatever his situation was. “You don’t have to hide yourself from me Joel. Whatever is going on, I’ll understand it. We can work through it. I know what it feels like to be broken.”

“I don’t want you hurt,” Joel stressed to her, lifting his hands to curl his fingers around her wrists to stroke his thumbs at her pulse points. Within time his expression softened, the lines in his face becoming less prominent. A broken breath escaped him and she realized that was his way of putting a wall up between them, but she was doing her best to break it down in whatever ways she could. “I told you…”

“You’re poison,” she repeated what he had said before, his body tremoring as she closed the distance between them. “But you see? As stupid as it sounds, I’m a doctor. And whatever you think is going to happen to me, it won’t.”

“It’s not just that,” Joel grunted, his body incredibly tense as he stood before her. “I don’t deserve to have anything good in my life. What I had before this…”

“Joel,” she hushed him noticing that he was starting to get worked up again. Stepping forward, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. Resting her head against the center of his chest, she listened to the sound of his heartbeat. Having her near caused his heartbeat to go faster. “You don’t have to tell me what happened or what you are going through but stop pushing me away. Because I’m just going to keep coming back.”

After hearing her say that, Joel lowered his head and nestled his chin in over the top of her head. Wrapping her up in his arms, Joel let out a tremoring breath and she knew that he was loosening up to things, “There is something in you that heals a part of me. Things that I didn’t think I was capable of…”

Tipping her head back, she stared up into Joel’s dark eyes and shook her head, “let me do that for you.”

“I’m so broken,” Joel confessed with her hand sliding up to caress in over the center of his chest. “I’m no good.”

“Let me be the judge of that,” she countered, reaching for his hand to place it in over the center of her chest. Joel’s dark eyes gazed between them with his body faintly shaking. “Because I see parts of you that I don’t even think you realize exist. Just let me help you.”

Emotions flooded through his face and without saying anything, Joel grabbed a hold of her hand leading her toward his bedroom. Laying down at the center of the bed had her carefully crawling in beside him with them facing each other.

Reaching for his hand, she hooked her fingers with his and Joel pressed his forehead up to hers. Silence surrounded them, but it was obvious things were weighing heavy on Joel’s mind, “There so much good to you Joel Miller. You just have to give yourself a chance to see.”

----

Tags: @jdmorganz @carolineesnell @ayumi-wolf @dilfsandmartinis @christinamadsen

@brittmb115 @thegirlwiththemostcake3

[suzukiblu]

Thank-you sentences for Brumes behind the cut; "interdimensional whoring for Timkon". (( chrono || non-chrono ))

Tim’s other self bares his teeth; bites the back of his glove and digs his fingers into Kon’s shoulder again. Kon digs his fingers into his ass again and lifts him just enough to take him off his feet and really put all the other’s weight all behind his hips. Tim’s other self curses. He tries to brace himself with the hand on Kon’s shoulder, and Kon grinds his chest up against his cock, and also keeps working his mouth and throat just as determinedly around Tim’s cock. Doesn’t half-ass his attempts at learning how to suck him off or even slow down or do a single thing that’d make it any easier for him to get Tim to outlast his other self. 

Noticing that makes it very hard for Tim to outlast his other self. 

Though of course Kon would do that, because when did Kon ever half-ass anything he’s asked him to do since they got over their initial friction? 

“Jesus Christ,” Tim’s other self gasps, and Tim shoves his cock fully down Kon’s throat again, and Kon purrs around it. “Jesus Christ!” 

The purring vibrates through Kon’s chest the same way it does his throat, Tim knows very intimately. 

“Aw, there’s our cute little boytoy,” he hums lowly as he tightens his fingers under Kon’s jaw, and doesn’t even sound like he’s gotten hit in the gut with an I-beam. 

Two-by-four at worst. 

“You really need to shut the fuck up,” his other self grits out, and sounds like he's gotten hit in the gut with an H-beam. 

“When do we ever?” Tim asks him wryly, curling his fingers under Kon's jaw. “It's sweet of you to let us come on your tits, baby. Especially when you're all dressed up.” 

“Ngh,” Tim's other self chokes, so maybe he was a little too distracted to register what the obvious result of coming on Kon's chest while he's suited up would be until just now. “You–you're such a–” 

“Yeah, most people think we are,” Tim replies, still wry, and rubs his fingers down the length of Kon's throat. Kon swallows much more roughly underneath them. 

So cute. 

So yeah, he should definitely be a little merciless with himself, he thinks. Just give Kon a little bit of support, that’s all, because Kon has very obviously earned it. 

Well, when doesn’t he, really? 

“I’m going to fucking kick you through that portal in the morning,” his other self snaps breathlessly, his voice rough and half-shredded and face all flushed and just barely sweating. Honestly, Tim was probably even more flustered the first time he fucked Kon, but in his case his Kon had been the one who’d been coming onto him and there hadn’t been an alternate reality spotter who already knew everything they were both into, so really, he thinks his other self should be a little more grateful right now? At least for politeness’s sake, if nothing else. 

“Well, that’ll be in the morning,” Tim replies mildly, curling his fingers in lightly just under Kon’s jaw, and his other self glares at him, and Kon swallows tighter around his cock and grinds his chest up even more eagerly against his other self’s as he kneads the other’s ass in his hands. Tim’s other self curses sharply and grabs the underside of Kon’s jaw too, digging his splayed fingers into the bone where there’s so little give as to be basically nonexistent and in against Kon’s lower lip, which is nothing but give. 

Tim’s other self curses again, and Kon slides his tongue out past Tim’s cock just enough to lick the tips of his dug-in fingers. 

Tim’s other self curses. 

“You never half-ass anything, do you, sweetheart,” Tim says fondly. “You want our come on your shield that bad? Would that make you happy? Make you really feel ‘Super’ for a while?” 

Kon lets out a moan of a purr that rumbles like a damn engine, his whole throat and whole ribcage vibrating with it. Tim only doesn’t immediately come because he knew to expect the reaction and was already braced for both the sensation and the intensity of it. Or, more specifically, because he’s used to it. 

His other self, obviously, is not. 

“Fuck!” Tim’s other self gasps as his whole body seizes up, his cock spilling wet, messy stripes across Kon’s big broad engine of a chest and S, and Kon makes that one brainless, blissed-out sound that Tim will never get sick of hearing and croons adoringly around his cock, and also drools all over it. 

Tim sighs in soft, affectionate approval and buries his cock all the way back down his throat. 

“Good boy,” he murmurs, because that’ll make Kon purr again, and the moment the other does, Tim comes himself without even having to try. Kon keeps purring for him through his whole orgasm, because he’s just the sweetest like that. 

Coming in Kon’s mouth really is one of his favorite things, Tim reflects contentedly as he catches his breath in careful, measured inhalations and finally pulls back from the other. Kon whines in disappointment the moment he's not gagging on a dick anymore, and Tim’s other self makes a strangled noise about it and manages half a step back, but nothing else. Tim’s frankly impressed he even managed that, because he knows exactly how hard it is to even shift back from Kon when he’s like this. 

Though in this case, it does give them both a very nice view of his chest. The El crest is stretched as tight as it can go across Kon’s pecs, especially with his body bent backwards like this, and looks as good as it always does with a fresh comeshot smeared across it. 

Tim smiles down at Kon as he strips off his condom to toss out and tucks his cock away again, then trails his fingers along the drooling mess of the other’s well-fucked mouth. Kon gasps for air he doesn’t really need, his chest still rising and falling in erratic little stutters, and drunkenly leans back into the contact without even trying to talk, his spine bending back just a little farther and messed-up mouth reflexively opening farther itself under the light little brush of Tim’s trailing fingers. His eyes are half-open and completely glazed over, and he looks dazed and out of it and more fucked-up than any baseline human should ever be able to get anyone with even the slightest bit of Kryptonian DNA in them. 

Same as always, really. 

Tim’s smile widens. Kon just gets so sweet for a good dicking, every time. 

Then he lifts his head and smiles at his other self instead, pleasant and merciless, and mentions: “If you wanted to be the one to give him his kiss, I personally always think he's the sweetest about it after he's just had his mouth fucked.” 

His other self makes a choked sound. Kon lets out a whimper, tiny and breathless, and his head does the exact same reflexive please kiss me tilt that Tim’s own Kon’s always does, even with his spine bent backwards and his head hanging back on his neck like this. 

His other self makes another choked sound, but it’s not even fully out of his throat before he’s grabbing Kon’s face to yank up and lunging down towards him in turn. 

And then Tim’s other self actually does something that surprises him a little, because then the other–stops, just for a second, and stares down at Kon’s glazed eyes and flushed face and dazed and overwhelmed expression and the spit-soaked mess of his mouth, and then just–cups his face instead of gripping it–cups it very gently, in fact–and kisses him very, very softly. 

And even more surprisingly, Kon actually lets him. 

Huh, Tim thinks, just barely tilting his head. That’s different. 

Well . . . it is still an alternate reality, really. 

His other self kisses Kon long and slow and soft and lingering, very clearly taking the time to both savor it and to make sure Kon gets to savor it, and Kon kisses back all clumsy and messy and just a little bit out of sync, like he’s not really processing what the other’s mouth is doing ‘til a few moments after he does it. Tim’s felt Kon kiss like that before, but only seen it as an outsider observer a handful of times. 

It took a lot more and a lot longer to get him here those times, though, even the times with Bart or Cassie or even both of them involved. So–it’s different, yeah. 

Definitely not a difference that Tim’s complaining about, though it’s kind of a funny one to get from the repressed reality, all things considered. 

He pets Kon’s hair, for a little while. It makes Kon purr again, though this time the sound of it comes out stilted and breathy, and cracks around the scattered little whimpers that the kissing’s drawing out of him. Tim can feel Kon shuddering; can feel his TTK field shuddering, even, which is a very difficult sensation to describe but always an interesting one. 

He can feel Kon trembling, too.

[buskingalbatross]

i met dan and phil two months ago today! 💫

the intrinsically strange and nerve-wracking social interaction that is a m&g is something i once assumed i would simply never choose to put myself through. but, considerate of their argument that we are all in fact mortal and i may never get a chance to hug them ever again, i realized that i had assumed wrong. back when this tour was first announced, i realized i really did want to meet them after all these years if i could.

several people can attest to how epically i vacillated over what to have them sign (it was truthfully a months-long series of vacillations). i eventually decided that what i wanted was a single object that encapsulated all – or almost all – of my creative offerings to the phandom in 2024. so, after some thought, i started learning bookbinding. so that i could bind together the phanfics i’ve written and have them sign them.

the project plunged me into the world of ficbinders and bookbinders, a world which i now delight in being granted access to. the book that they signed, which i posted photos of in this post, is simple and the work of a beginner, but i’m also quite proud of it. for someone who famously cannot tell what a straight line looks like, it’s a miracle i made such a neat and structurally-sound book.

the stories in it range from a howl’s moving castle-esque wizards au (but weird) to vampire phan to the story i wrote from the pov of a wagtail. there’s also some phyuri in there too. four different phanartists have artwork in the book, and all of them are absolutely amazing. i want to mention one of them, @pierogish, because without her support of my stories i absolutely would not have had the guts to walk up to dan and phil and ask them to sign those stories.

to help contextualize the whole thing to them, i opened up the book to show the page i wanted signed, where i had already tucked a print of pierogish’s art of them as wizards (which you can see more of here!). they were both so kind and enthusiastic – phil said “i love being a wizard!” which sort of made my entire life, and dan said he loved my presentation of the book. because i had basically meticulously choreographed the whole interaction for myself beforehand, that comment meant a ton to me.

on behalf of pierogish, i also got to show them (and gift them a print of) her Sister Daniel art – an honor of the highest order.

as the proclaimed winners of rpf forever and also as creators who inspire me to live life and tell stories in my own kind, creative, queer way, dnp signing this book was one of the coolest moments of my life. being surrounded by the phandom was magical, as it always is. and seeing their show was unquestionably as healing and celebratory for me as they hope it is for everyone.

bonus signed pierogish art + tit set in nashville:

[the-court-of-dreams]

ONYX STORM SPOILERS

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Quotes that KILLED ME in Onyx Storm

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To the ones who don’t run with the popular crowd, the ones who get caught reading under their desks, the ones who feel like they never get invited, included, or represented. Get your leathers. We have dragons to ride.

Books have always been a safe place for me. I still remember picking up The Hobbit when I was still a kid, closing my bedroom door and going on an adventure. I'm almost 25 now and I still love going on adventures. From magic schools to institutes, hidden cities to castles, forests to enormous capitals. With cars and ships and horses and broomsticks and dragons. Every story, a new adventure. Every book, a new journey. Oh, how I love travelling!

I only ever had one friend who loves reading as much as I do and our conversations about books, the hours we spend making theories, and analysing everything that happened... they are some of my most beloved moments. ( @strovilos , you are the joy of my life) My other friends don't understand as much, it's okay. I' ve always been the kid hiding books under my desk, staying up past my bedtime with a light under the covers. So yeah... that dedication really got me.

I was invited to places, but I almost never felt included while being there. That was okay too.

I always preferred riding dragons anyway.

2)

Xaden is mine. My heart, my soul, my everything. He channeled from the earth to save me, and I’ll scour the world until I find a way to save him right back.

Wow, that didn't take long at all, huh? Straight in the fucking feels.

3)

I could reach the rank of Maven, lead armies of dark wielders against everyone we care for, and watch every vein in my body turn red as I channel all the power in the Continent, and I would still love you. What I did doesn’t change that. I’m not sure anything can.

Such a good start for me and my fucking heart. Thanks, Rebecca... I really appreciate it.

4)

If I’m to be court-martialed for helping Braxtyn defend his people, then I shall welcome the trial. All who channel from dragon and gryphon alike should flourish under the wards, and now Aretia will be that haven should one of the others ever return.

Lyra... I fucking stan!

5)

So with all the love in my heart, put your fucking uniform on, because we need you.

Look, I'm not saying that Ridoc is my favourite character in this book... but... Ridoc IS my favourite character in this book.

I died with the whole squad dynamic, but the four of them will always hold a special place in my heart, I fucking love these kids.

6)

Even hundreds of miles away, he’s still taking care of me and doesn’t even know it.

I KNEW this godsdamned book would be full of angst....BUT DID IT HAVE TO BE ALL OF IT??? DID IT REBECCA????

7)

You might be angry when you realize I didn’t wake you to say goodbye. But it’s only because I no longer fully trust my ability to walk away.

—Recovered Correspondence of His Grace, Lieutenant Xaden Riorson, Sixteenth Duke of Tyrrendor, to Cadet Violet Sorrengail

FUCK ME MAN....Come on...WHYYYYYYY????

8)

But the thought of you being out there, beyond the wards, facing down a known attack of venin, triggered something in me I’ve never felt before. It was hotter than rage, and sharper than fear, and cut deeper than helplessness, all because I couldn’t get to you.

Fuck you.

9)

I would have killed anything and anyone in that moment to reach you. No exceptions. I would have channeled every ounce of power beneath my feet without hesitation if it would have landed me at your side.

Double fuck you.

10)

If I’d been there, beyond the wards, I would have drained the very earth to its core to keep you safe.

TRIPLE FUCKING FUCK YOU!!!!

11)

Pain isn’t new to me, Jack. She’s an old friend I spend most of my days with, so I don’t mind if she sings to you.

Violet Sorrengail... you are the most badass bitch to ever badass. (I feel like that's SUCH a Remi thing to say. Fucking finally.... iykyk. Shout out to @skyfallscotland for writing fucking masterpieces. Getting notifications from you always makes my day. If any of you are into fanfcition, i STRONGLY recommend reading everything this girl has written. You can start with Fear and Flame. Thank me, and HER, later.)

12)

“We live by the Codex—” I try again.

“I live by you. When have I ever given a fuck about the Codex or the Code of Conduct?” He cradles my face and leans down, resting his forehead against mine. “I am yours and you are mine, and there’s no law or rule in this world or the next that will change that.”

I love them so much it hurts.

13)

Love of my life. You have nothing to be jealous of.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

14)

“There’s no magic here.” He tugs me against him. “No power. No lure. No taunting reminder that I can save everyone if I just reach for it and take what’s offered. It’s only…peace.”

For the first time since fetching the luminary, I seriously debate Tecarus’s offer.

When I tell you this book was PAINFUL for me....I'M NOT FUCKING KIDDING.

15)

"...Sgaeyl…" He glances up at the trees as if he can see her in the sky above us, a look of longing on his face.

If I had a dollar for everytime this book broke my fucking heart.

16)

“My consort,” Xaden replies casually. “Violet Sorrengail.”

I'm deceased.

17)

I can’t quit watching Xaden’s eyes in case their flecks change back to gold whenever I see him during Signet Sparring.

They never do.

Like my heart will never again NOT be broken for these two.

18)

“The pain. The mess. Give it to me. I’ll hold it. I know that sounds ludicrous, but I’ll find a way.” I lace our fingers. “I will hold everything you don’t want to feel because I love every part of you.”

This ship... this fucking ship...

19)

“Seems Catriona has found someone worth lagging behind for.”

I loathed her in the previous book....but gods did the poor girl go through it in this one....

20)

“There is no cure for me.” He presses a kiss to my forehead. “That’s why you have to become better than me. There’s only you.”

I seriously don't know why I'm putting myself through this torture.

21)

When things get…shitty, I hope you can look down at it and imagine us sitting there together when this is all over. That’s the vision I’m going to cling to: you and me, holding hands, looking over the city.

This right here broke whatever soul I thought I had left. It just hurts so much when the characters cling to a future that I fucking know isn't going to happen.

22)

It’s almost like this room is removed from time itself, a tiny corner of the world where we simultaneously live together yet don’t.

Rebecca literally...WHYYYYY????

23)

I didn’t reach for any form of power because even in that state, I knew it could take me back to day zero, and day zero doesn’t give me you. I clawed my way back to myself and left.

Screaming, crying, throwing up.

24)

While most deities allow temple attendants to choose their timeline of service, only two require a lifetime of dedication: Dunne and Loial. For both war and love change souls irrevocably.

For the love of Gods, please let this be some kind of clue.

25)

I love you more than this city. Do not die defending it.

Screaming. Crying. Throwing up.

26)

At some point I’ll stop looking for her, right?

I KNOW Andarna had her reasons... but my girl Violet did not deserve that after everything she's been through.

27)

His smile instantly becomes a core memory.

MY smile instantly becomes a core memory....as in I don't think I'll have one again.

28)

You’re not a weapon of destruction. You’re not venin. You’re the artery power chooses to flow through. You’re life.

I fucking ship this SO MUCH. I love me some enemies to lovers, slow burn, full of angst shit.

29)

When push comes to shove, I'm not the best of us. She is.

YES VIOLET, THAT'S YOUR BESTIE!!!!!!

30)

“That’s a little menacing,” I admit to Feirge. “Then let us be menaces,”

I ADORE multiple povs. I've been waiting for Rhi's and Imogen's pov for 3 books, and I was NOT disappointed. Wish I could have more of them though.

31)

She’ll rip the very sky apart before she and Glane accept defeat.

GO IMOGEN! GO! GO! GO!

32)

The flame of perpetual rage that lives in my chest burns hotter. Fuck that horde. Fuck the venin who ride them. Fuck that unholy vortex of a tornado at the end of the northern field, and fuck the orders to stay grounded in these winds.

FUCK! I love this girl so damn much.

33)

I’m glad it’s you with me. Parapet to Malek’s own doorstep. I’m so sorry I have to go first this time.

To be honest, I didn't really care about Quinn for three books now... but I SOBBED in these 3 pages.

34)

And you should tell him, Gen. Tell him, and you find some happy.

And the fact that she preached for my second favourite ship of the series with her dying breath??? Miss Quinn, you have my heart. I didn't care for your existence for three books, but man, did you get me in the end.

35)

“We made it a good one.”

This one cut me so fuckign deep I had to stop for a good ten minutes. I did not see it coming. I did not think I'd care. I still don't understand why I did. But I really, really did.

36)

“I’m not leaving you!” He leans in and slides his hand behind my neck. “I’m not leaving you, Imogen,” he repeats, softer this time.

If these two don't end up together, I'm gonna make it everybody's problem. I PROMISE!

37)

“You have been the gift of my life,” I tell Tairn.

I've read some theories that Tairn will die in the end... First of all...HOW DARE YOU? And second of all... REBECCA DON'T YOU DARE, I WILL-

38)

She was the first to choose me, to elevate me above all others, the first to see every ugly side of me and accept it all, and every single person in this fucking canyon will die before they remove a single one of her scales.

The fact that Xaden channeled for Violet but really turned to save Sgaeyl... I did not expect that. And although it was painful as fuck to read through... to me it was perfect and a job really well done.

39)

Shadow brings quiet. My soul departs like pieces of ash from a fire, flaking free and drifting away as power consumes the space it once inhabited. I’m no longer on the ice—I am the ice.

Xaden...baby...no....

40)

Save them, the last remaining pieces of me beg, holding on with teeth and claw to keep from being torn away, too.

I will never... ever... recover from this.

41)

“I love you.” Violet’s voice cracks the cold, and a silken thread of warmth wedges itself in the opening before it seals shut, locking it in place.

No. Wait. I grab for that thread with desperate hands, clawing to keep her as more of my pieces are blown away, lost to the void. She is warmth and light and air and love.

This was so fucking painful to read I literally have no fucking words.

44)

I love her. That is the emotion I cling to, the fire of pure power burning at the feeling’s edges, and I know if I take it any further, it will be the next and final piece to float away.

😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔

45)

“What did you do?” My head snaps toward Imogen, and a deep sense of foreboding takes root in my chest. She slowly lifts her gaze to mine.

“What you asked me to.”

How THE FUCK am I supposed to wait who-knows how long for the next damned book???

All in all, I really enjoyed this. I never got bored and I didn't mind the side missions at all.

The xaden×violet of it all shattered my heart. I definitely loved their relationship more than the previous books (It really reminded me of their dynamic from one of the best pieces of literature I've ever had the pleasure to read, a fanfiction piece called Storm in the quiet by @justallihere. She is truly the best.).

I just knew this was coming, and all of their trying would lead to this... it tore my heart apart. I love heavy angst in my books, but it hurts like a motherfucker when you have to wait for the next book in a series. I've promised myself I would never start an unfinished series ever again but oh well....

I loved the side characters so much, and I feel like I got to see them more and get to know them better in this one.

Ridoc is the best comic relief character I've read in a long, long time, and I love him so much (I almost had a heart attack when I thought the cook actually stabbed him.)

Aaric is a little shit and I'm so here for it. His exceptionally well written character was one of the highlights of the book for me.

Imogen and Garrick are my babies and I want them to end up together SO FUCKING BAD.

Also, the Drake and Mira crumbs? Chef's kiss.

I have to admit I was very fed shipping wise.

Unexpectedly, I also laughed my ass off in this book... so I'll probably make another post with all the times I died of laughter. Who would have thought?

My soul will definitely need mending and a good dose of fanfiction to get me through the long wait. To the people who are gifted enough to write these fanfcitions, you are my heroes. Cheers!

Final thought, Xaden Riorson, THE MAN that you are.

Accurate image of me after finishing Onyx Storm:

[antichilde]

margin of error: part 5

satoru gojo x fem reader, 2.1k words mdni

in which gojo figures it out

contents: teaching assistant!gojo, student!reader, no curses, college au, slight age difference (gojo is 20, you are a couple years older), he falls first, no smut (for now)

notes: Oh my god so much retconning. Gojo’s date has a name now. It was getting ridiculous referring to her as ‘his date’ all the time so my dumb ass named her Hana, conveniently forgetting that there’s a JJK character named Hana. Now she’s Manami (aka Geto’s secretary from JJK 0) because I may or may not have a weakness for her. (image citation)

part one | part two | part three | part four | read on ao3

The ache in Gojo’s chest has yet to go away. At first he doesn’t mind it, but as time passes the feeling begins to grate on his nerves like an itch he can’t quite scratch. It’s worse when you’re around so he tries to keep his distance outside of tutoring you. 

He also tries to distract himself. That’s how he ends up nursing a cider in the corner of a Halloween party he doesn’t really feel like attending. It’s too loud, and though the room is dark there’s some kind of disco ball throwing fragments of sickly orange and purple light onto the walls, meaning that Gojo is stuck wearing his glasses all night. 

He eyes Geto from across the room, watching him chat with a couple of kids they’d gone to high school with. No, he’s not quite desperate enough to go join that conversation, though with how things are going it’s only a matter of time. And what about you? What are you doing tonight? Did you stay in and get takeout like you’d planned? That sounds pretty appealing right about now, much more so than standing here avoiding eye contact with people he knows. 

Okay, he thinks, finishing off the last of his drink. Enough of this. 

He can’t keep thinking about you; it defeats the whole purpose of going out. Heading for the kitchen, he takes the opportunity to scan the room for familiar faces. There are quite a few— after all, Gojo spends a lot of his nights this way, though he usually feels much more enthusiastic about it than he does now. Eventually his eyes find their way to a bored looking girl loitering by the kitchen counter. The same girl, in fact, whom he’d been with when you’d inadvertently crashed his date. 

“Manami!” he calls, and she looks up.

Her face clouds with several emotions as he draws nearer: surprise, confusion, and finally irritation. Well, that was to be expected, given that their last encounter hadn’t ended well. 

“Gojo.” She doesn’t sound particularly pleased to see him. “What are you doing here?”

“Good question,” he says with a grimace. “I’ll let you know when I figure out an answer. What about you?”

She shrugs, taking a sip of her White Claw. “My campus was dead tonight, so I figured I’d try my luck here.”

 “Doesn’t seem like you’re having much fun.”

“No,” she says, shaking her head. “I can’t say this is my idea of a good time.”

“Not much of a partygoer?”

“Parties are fine. It’s making small talk with a guy who ghosted me that I’m not a fan of.”

Gojo winces, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, I probably deserve that.”

She finishes off the last of her drink. “Not probably. Definitely. Though I’ll admit that it’s nice to have someone to talk to. I don’t know anyone else here apart from Suguru.”

Pausing, Manami crushes her can and tosses it into the recycling bin. Gojo’s brows knit together as he frowns. 

“So you came here by yourself?” he asks. “I know it’s pretty safe on campus, but don’t you think that’s kind of risky?”

“Aw, you’re worried. That’s nice.” Her voice is saccharin but she’s clearly unimpressed. Reaching around him, she plucks a bottle of water from the plastic wrapped set on the counter. The lid cracks softly as she twists it, the sound barely audible over the music filtering in from the other room. “No, I didn’t come here alone. My roommate was with me, though I think she’s already gone home with someone.” 

“And are you planning on doing the same?”

“Maybe, but don’t get your hopes up,” she says, waving the question off. “I haven’t thought that far ahead… though if you keep groveling I might consider it. It’s not like I have anything better to do.”

 Don’t get your hopes up. Funny how he’s been hearing that so much lately. Even so, he’s pretty sure he knows where this interaction is going, and though he hadn’t planned on hooking up with anyone tonight it’s not like it was off the table altogether. Maybe this is what he needs.

pretty_blue_eyes: I’m heading out early

pretty_blue_eyes: You brought a key right?

suguroo: I have one. Everything ok?

pretty_blue_eyes: Yeah all good. I’m bringing someone home just a heads up

suguroo: Hmm

suguroo: Ok

pretty_blue_eyes: ??

suguroo: Dw about it. I’ll see you later

They end up back at his apartment tangled up on the couch. Manami’s body is draped over his own, his hands settled at her waist as he presses slow, lazy kisses along her jawline. He’s been saying all the right things, going through all the right motions, but it’s still not enough to keep his mind from wandering. Gojo knows she’s on to him well before she pulls back, planting a hand on either side of his shoulders and lifting herself just far enough to get a good look at him.

“Is everything okay?” he asks. He can’t make out much of her expression, not with the way her hair is falling around his face. It blocks most of the faint light filtering in through the windows.

“You tell me.”

Yeah, she definitely knows, but Gojo isn’t ready to drop his guard quite yet. 

“What do you mean?” he asks. Manami exhales in annoyance, sitting back on her heels. 

“I’m not an idiot, Gojo. I can tell you’re distracted. It’s that girl, isn’t it? The one from the restaurant?”

His mouth goes dry, and Manami’s expression falters when she realizes he isn’t going to reply. Without the curtain of her hair in the way Gojo has a front row seat to the hurt he’s caused; he doesn’t know why it bothers him so much to see the way her face falls. Honesty isn’t something that comes naturally to him, especially when there are potential consequences, but right now the idea of brushing aside her question makes him feel queasy. 

Still, it takes him a long moment to find his voice again. 

“Is it that obvious?”

“No,” she says, then pauses to reconsider. “Actually, yeah, now that I think about it.”

Squeezing his eyes shut, Gojo takes a deep breath to try and regulate himself. Manami’s position is threatening to give him pins and needles but that’s the last thing on his mind right now. 

“And what exactly is it…” He pauses, choosing his words carefully. “…What is it that you think is obvious?”

“It’s obvious that you like her. Really like her.”

Gojo can feel his pulse racing. He’s not ready to talk about this, not yet, but at the same time his head is filled with so many things he wants to say. 

Manami fiddles with the ends of her long hair, twisting the strands together. “I think I knew then too. When she came up to the table something about you changed. It was like… like you were taking notes in your head, and seeing that made me realize that your mind is always somewhere else when we’re together. I know we’ve never been serious, or exclusive, or anything like that. But in the moment I guess it hit me pretty hard.”

She stops, her eyes meeting Gojo’s when he finally opens them. This time she’s the one who looks away first.

“I shouldn’t have said those things. I’m not usually the kind of person who tears down other women but I took out my anger on her and that was fucked up. I’m sorry.”

The silence that stretches between them is awkward. Manami’s body tenses, her weight shifting as she struggles not to fidget, and though Gojo wishes he could mollify her with an ‘it’s fine, don’t worry about it’, she’d been honest with him. The least he can do is meet her halfway. 

“I owe you an apology as well. For ghosting you, and for using you as a way to distract myself from…”

He stops, unsure how to finish that sentence, but she understands anyway. 

“Thank you,” she says. “I needed to hear that. And I should probably get off of you now.”

Sliding off his lap without waiting for a response, she settles on the opposite side of the couch and pulls out her phone, presumably to text her ride home. Gojo sits up, wincing as the feeling returns to his legs, and though a long silence stretches between them he’s grateful that some of the tension has dissipated from the air. 

“You want to talk about it,” she says at last. It’s an observation, not a question, but even so Gojo nods in confirmation.

“Yeah.” He rakes a hand through his hair, sighing. “Yeah, I think I do. Would that be too weird?”

Manami shrugs, reaching for her purse. “I was the one who brought it up, so if it’s weird then I guess I’m equally to blame.”

Pulling out a compact mirror, she dabs at her smudged lip gloss. Gojo can feel there’s some around his mouth too, tasting it when he bites his lip in thought. Watermelon flavored, if he had to hazard a guess. 

“I don’t know,” he says, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “It’s not like it’s that serious. I only met her back in August, though I don’t know if that even counts since it took her a whole month to learn my name.” 

Manami clears her throat, trying and failing to stifle a laugh. He ignores her, though if he were in her position he’s sure he’d find it funny too. 

 “It’s just that she makes me so nervous, but I keep chasing the feeling anyway. I have no idea why.”

“Gojo.” 

The sound of his name snaps him out of his own head and he turns to look at Manami. “Yeah?”

“Have you never had a crush before?”

“I have,” he says, sounding more defensive than he means to. “I had one back in freshman year.”

…of high school. 

Gojo chooses to leave that piece of information out. He also decides to withhold the fact that it had been on Geto. That’s a story for another time and place.

“But I guess it has been awhile,” he admits. “I don’t remember it being this stressful.”

She snaps the compact shut and drops it into her bag, rummaging around for a moment before pulling out her lip gloss. 

“I dunno,” she says, her voice muffled as she purses her lips to apply a new coat. “It sure sounds like a crush to me. Getting flustered, butterflies, et cetera— that’s all pretty standard.”

He buries his face in his hands, trying to will away his blushes. Manami slips the strap of her purse over one shoulder as she prepares to get up.

“It’s not a bad thing, you know.” Her voice is softer than it had been, nice in a way he knows he doesn’t deserve. “It’s stressful, yeah, but there’s nothing wrong with letting yourself feel things sometimes.”

Getting to her feet, she looks down at him, and their eyes meet as he lifts his head. 

“I should go,” she says. “I hope things work out for you, Gojo.”

“Thanks. And thank you for listening. You were right, I needed to talk about it.”

She turns away and he stands to walk her to the door. Gojo’s ready to end the conversation there, but as Manami reaches for the door handle he realizes there’s one more thing he needs to ask. “Hey, you won’t mention this to anyone, right?” He avoids her gaze, focusing instead on his umbrella. It’s still leaning against the doorframe, untouched since the night he’d walked you home. “Nobody else knows.”

“If by ‘this’ you mean your crush, then don’t worry. I won’t say anything.” One corner of her mouth twitches up as she tries not to smile. “Though I doubt it’ll make much of a difference. I have a feeling you might actually be the last person to figure it out.”

Laughing at his noise of indignation, Manami turns away, zipping up her coat as she makes a beeline for the car idling outside. A gust of chilly autumn wind ruffles Gojo’s hair and he shuts the door quickly before any more heat can escape the apartment. Pulling out his phone, he logs into his messaging app to unblock Manami, but stops when he sees his texts with Suguru are still open.

pretty_blue_eyes: I’m bringing someone home just a heads up

suguroo: Hmm

suguroo: Ok

pretty_blue_eyes: ??

suguroo: Dw about it. I’ll see you later

He turns off his phone and slips it back into his pocket, leaning against the door and shutting his eyes. Yeah, Manami was right, wasn’t she? Gojo is definitely the last to know.

[saejinniestar]

Mr. Steal your Heart

Robber!Alpha!Taehyun x Rich!Omega!Y/N.

Tags: Clueless!Y/N, corruption, they end up getting married in some part of the story, she doesn’t know what cvmming is, she gets naked outside, size k!nk, knotting, breeding, praise k!nk, ab riding, reader is lonely, great ending!

Notes: Robber Taehyun breaks into the home of the rich and lonely omega with his four friends. Says he’ll be right back as he finishes up, keeps coming back while the servants are away. I did some research and looked back on some of the fics I read so if anything is wrong tell me.

For Kang Taehyun, life was anything but easy, having to resort to a life of stealing to make ends meet. His Job? Barely paying him anything. Family? None whatsoever. All he has is his four friends, Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Kai and Soobin, who help him on his stealing adventures. Is he Robin Hood? No way, he’ll steal from omegas, betas, and alphas, he’s not picky. He goes into the night and steals from people, breaking in, hearing their scared voices and frantic cries, running away and never getting caught. He’s built a life for himself and a name, now he’ll never have any problems if he keeps this up without the fuzz after him. He repeats this process of waking up, going to work, going back home, taking a nap, then robbing. Nothing changes, his next target is you. He waits until all have gone from your home to strike. All the boys break in, one by one, making sure to be as quiet as possible.

They look around, taking things that could be at the back of a person’s memory, things that could get them lots of money, things worth a whole house. He walks up the stairs but then stops, there, at the end of the hallway was a light. He walked slowly, Beomgyu and Kai checking the other rooms. He got to your door, waiting for any sounds. He then took a peek, seeing you get into bed. Suddenly, there was a thud, he saw as you jolted. He ran in, getting onto your bed and holding you down, hugging you tight. He felt you trying to calm down in his hold, moving more slowly. He let out his scent, one he never let anyone smell at all. The scent was strong, a black cherry like scent but deeper, more powerful. He watched as you stopped moving, letting him hug you more. Then, Beomgyu came in, telling Taehyun they got six things and they were ready to go. As he walked out, he turned around to look at you, “I’ll be back darling, wait for me okay?” You nodded, laying back down and watching him turn off your light and close your door. Taehyun, that was his name, Taehyun.

You were different than Taehyun, you were a rich girl who had tons of servants and everything you could ever want handed to you. People thought you were too good for them, too spoiled and probably a brat. This was far from the truth. You were too shy, didn’t go out because of it causing people to think you were a recluse, you weren’t a brat either. You also didn’t have family, they all perished in an accident caused by someone breaking and entering. The only people you had were your servants, working to take care of you and make sure you were safe. They all went back to their homes at night, and that’s how you met Taehyun. You were shocked to see him nonetheless but you made interactions with anyone else, that was your first time. When he told you to wait for him, you did. You waited till he came back again, getting into your house and straight to your room. He hugged you again, letting you breathe in his scent as he praised you for being a good girl for him. He let his friends steal from you, let them take what they wanted, after all, he was a robber, not a nice man. When Soobin went in to tell him that they were ready and that they’d decided to come back again, he joked to Taehyun, “If you date her and marry her, this whole thing would be a lot easier.” Taehyun looked at you, a smile forming on his face, “Gonna let me date you, huh darling, gonna be a good omega for me?” You nodded, feeling him press a kiss to your head. “Be a good girl and wait for me.” And with that, he left.

When you got up in the morning, you got ready and walked down the stairs, suddenly the doorbell rang. The door man answered it, and at your door was Taehyun. The door man was surprised to see someone at the door, he asked Taehyun what he needed. “Believe it or not my good sir, I’m dating the young lady who lives here!” He was even more surprised as Taehyun pulled you into his arms. Your door man then smiled, telling your butler how he was surprised to see you have a boyfriend. Taehyun followed you to your room, locking the door behind you and sitting down on your bed. He then started explaining how things were gonna go in terms of him and his friends coming in. You listened, trying not to miss anything he said. He then left but not before he told you to wait for him. At night, you saw him again, he hugged you, released his scent and pressed kisses to your face. Both you and him were different. While the others he came with were alphas, he was different, a stronger, more powerful alpha, as scientists called it a prime alpha. You on the other hand, were a prime omega, a more submissive version of an omega. According to scientists, only people that were prime alpha or omega could be together and only those types were experimented on, leaving less and less of them in society. You both were made for each other, dangerous yet perfect for each other. Once the boys finished, they left, Taehyun telling you the same thing, wait for him.

A year had passed with Taehyun and his friends coming into to your house and stealing things here and there. His friends were coming to see you, but not to steal, to see you get married to Taehyun. Now that you both were married, they could come whenever they wanted, take what they wanted, after all, you let them do it. Taehyun then came back with his friends one night, coming back to steal once again, Taehyun came up to your room, and then you came out of the bathroom, wearing a nightgown, short and nearly translucent. He pulled you in for a hug, sitting you down on his lap, he kissed you, his lips serenading yours. He felt so accomplished, like he won the lottery. He had the richest girl all to himself, a little omega all for him, and not just any omega, one that hadn’t even gotten her heat yet. His lips left yours, your little pants coming out. He whispered in your ear, “Being such a good little wifey for me, yeah? You’re such a good little omega for me.” He pressed a kiss to your cheek, not stopping his words. “When your heat comes, I’m gonna breed you, give you my pups, gonna keep my cute little wife all to myself, I bet you want that, yeah?” You nodded, letting him suck your tongue as you kissed him, his pants on the floor, your panties half way down your leg and your nightgown pushed up to your chest. He was half way down your collarbone, hands on your chest when Beomgyu opened the door and told Taehyun they were leaving. Your face turned red as you said bye to him, Taehyun only shooing him off and telling him to come next week and that he’d wait for him and the others.

When you woke up the next day, Taehyun was sleeping right by you. his clothes were in your basket for unwashed clothes along with all of your other clothes you wore yesterday. You yawned and stretched, parting your legs, only for you to feel the softness of your husband’s pajama pants on your cunt. You looked down, seeing your nightgown and nothing else. You were embarassed, never realizing you fell asleep like this. You shook it off, pulling down Taehyun’s pants and rubbing yourself on him, trying to feel what you felt yesterday. When Taehyun woke up, he saw you, nightgown ridden up to your stomach, tears staining your cheeks and your cunt on top of him. He moved you off of him and sat up. “If you wanted to do what we did yesterday, you could’ve asked darling.” He pulled off your nightgown, admiring your body in his view. He took off his clothes, watching as you looked at his body. His hands pulled you close to him, sitting you on top of his semi-hard dick. He put his hands on your hips and moved you back and forth, feeling your warmth. You left him mesmerized with your body, how could someone not want a pretty omega like you. He loved the way your body clung to him, never wanting to let go, he also loved the way your cunt drooled for him, telling him just how much you wanted him. When he looked up the tears came back, your body holding onto his even tighter and your hips moving slower. You got up and ran to your bathroom, then after a few minutes, came back confused. He laughed, pulling you closer to him, “Honey, you’re not gonna pee, you’re gonna come, have you never done that before?” You shook your head, watching as his eyes widened. Well, if that was the case, he shouldn’t have expected a freaking nympho like on videos, he instead got an inexperienced, ‘never touched myself before’ omega. At breakfast, he thought and thought, what could he do to make you less afraid of letting go. Your butler then called for Taehyun. He got up and then told you to wait for him.

One day, his friends came again only this time, not to steal, to visit. They came in, saying hi and giving you a hug. They had suggested a picnic outside in the garden, hoping to get a good talk about the next time they’d come and steal. You went and got dressed then came downstairs and outside into the garden. They all gasped when they saw you, a pretty little sundress, with matching sandals and as your skirt flew up as you ran, one of Taehyun’s favorite panties hugging your hips. They all watched as you sat down, sitting close to Taehyun. You said hello and talked with them, eating the small sandwiches the chefs made for you guys. Suddenly, Beomgyu got an idea, he whispered in Soobin’s ear who then whispered it to Yeonjun who whispered it to Kai. Once Kai whispered it to Taehyun, a grin erupted on his face. “Honey, they’d like to see your pretty body, see how lucky I got, is that okay?” You smiled at them nodding, you stood up, removing your sandals first. Then, Taehyun helped you with your dress, folding it and laying it down on the picnic blanket. He removed your undergarments and then sat you down in his lap. The boys looked at you in awe, in surprise and shock. Taehyun parted your legs and spread your lips open. A flurry of compliments started coming from the boys, you smiled and giggled, happy to how pretty they thought you were. Taehyun helped you back into your clothes as the boys watched. Then, they helped pick up the picnic blanket, plates and cups and brought them inside. Then they all said goodbye and to wait for them.

After the boys came that night to steal, you wondered when they’d just come to visit, not steal. They said it would happen more often since they told you they were done stealing. They threw a small party and they laughed and talked to each other, you saw how happy Taehyun was, then he told you, they finally got the house they wanted and everything else they needed. That’s why they stole, so they could get the house they wanted. You were happy for them, dancing along with them. The next day, you and Taehyun went to the garden to have a picnic. You were enjoying your cake when your body started to feel hot. Taehyun came to your side, lifting you up. You had a fever, your body was hot. He brought you to your room and pressed a kiss to your lips as he sat you down. You went back to his lips, kissing, whimpering, pressing further down on him. He pulled you off, laying you down and telling you that you were sick and your heat was coming. But the bad news for Taehyun was that he was going to stay holed up in his room tomorrow, due to his rut. Now, he didn’t know what to do. He told you that he was getting your food, coming back with a dish full of food. He helped you eat it, putting the spoon in your mouth. He took care of you throughout the day and once it was time for you to sleep, he got you ready and laid you in bed and he got ready himself. He laid down next to you and told you to wait for him in the morning.

When he woke up in the morning, a sickly sweet scent flooded his nose. He felt hot, he felt the dizzying feel of someone on top of him. There you were, naked and rubbing yourself on Taehyun’s abs. You were riding his abs quickly and messily. Your eyes were glazed over with a dazed look, your head was very much clouded, only thinking about pleasing your alpha and getting bred. Taehyun on the other hand, only wanted to keep you bred, keep you with him always, have you stuck in that horny haze, have you stuck on his knot forever. You were perfect, kissing, moaning and whimpering, all for Taehyun’s eyes only. He got up and laid you down, trying to stop you from grinding on his dick. His fingers went in easily, the slick you were releasing made it easier for him. He opened you, his fingers spreading you for the main course. There you were, wanting him endlessly as he took out his fingers. He took off his clothes slowly, making you lose your mind as he took each piece of clothing off. There it was, very big and couldn’t possibly fit in your tiny hole. He pressed you against the pillows as he entered you, trying his hardest not to push all the way in. The way you felt wrapped around him, your walls warming him up immediately. Slowly but surely, he bottomed out, finally reaching the end. It all felt so sweet, the way the tip of his dick kissed your cervix, the way you looked so blissful underneath him. He was moving fast inside you, making sure to leave no spot untouched. “You’re being such a good omega for me, keep being good for me, keep laying there and looking pretty.” You were out of it, clinging onto Taehyun when he hit your cervix. He felt as your cunt squeezed him, came all over his dick. “Good girl, did such a good job for me, ngh, never wanna pull out.” As he felt your insides hugging him, he never wanted to pull out, he wanted to stay inside you forever. His inner alpha was yelling at him to mark you up and claim you, keep you in his arms, your scent was already enveloping him anyway. He was close, his teeth were on your neck, barely biting your scent glands. The second he released was the second he bit you, your arms tightening around him and your sounds got louder. His knot was so close to your cervix, keeping you filled with his release. "Honey, how did that feel, huh? Bet your little cunt loved it." He pressed kisses to your face as he reached over and grabbed a towel to clean you up with. He got you dressed and let you take a nap, he'd be back for more, just wait for him.

The next few days were filled with more moments like these, after all he had to help you with your heat and you had to help him with his rut. You did it each and every time, in the shower, where Taehyun could just kiss you and knot you, in the garden, where he could see your body in the sunlight, even in the library, where he'd have stuck on his knot and he'd read you a book. Soon, your heat was over and so was his rut. In the morning, you were filled with disappointment, that meant Taehyun wouldn't touch you anymore. You shook your head and grabbed Taehyun's hand, moving your nightgown and pulling off your panties, you slipped one of his fingers inside. It felt good but not good enough so you slipped two fingers then three. You looked down, his hand was getting wet with your arousal and his fingers were inside of you. You moved yourself against his hand, humping it desperately. You looked at Taehyun then pressed your lips against his, moving lower and lower to his neck. When Taehyun woke up, you were there naked, teary eyed and his hand was dripping with your releases. He wondered just how you got this way and how you managed to not wake him up. He then felt his neck and lips were wet, your lips were wet too. He called out to you, and scared you, you didn't expect to see him wake up. You pulled out his hand from inside you, shame painting your face. He brought his fingers to his lips and licked them, your sweet taste on his tongue. He then got up and got dressed, he went into the bathroom to get ready. He then got out, "Why aren't you getting ready? We promised the boys we'd see their new house remember?" You jumped and got up, nearly tripping over your clothes on the floor. Once you both were ready, you got into the car and your driver drove you to their house. It was big but not as big as yours. Once you knocked on the door, Beomgyu opened it. The boys were excited to have you both over. You guys started off with talking, eating and then dancing. You all had fun at their new house and stayed till night. You both got out the door to head to your car when Taehyun told them to wait till you guys came back.

Taehyun was happy but even happier today when he got you four boxes and put them on your bed. You liked getting presents and seeing that he got you them made you happy. You opened the first one, a pink diamond collar with his name on the diamond tag. The next one had a small, pink and white, silk nightgown, the third one had a rose quartz tiara and a scepter with the same crystals, the fourth gift had white gloves in it. He helped you put the outfit on and then laid back and looked at you. You held your scepter in your hand, a shy look on your face. "You look so pretty, darling. My pretty princess." He pulled you close to him and sat you down in his lap. You whimpered as he sat you down, he lifted your nightgown and saw you wearing nothing underneath. "Pretty princess wanted me to see her princess parts too, huh?" You nodded, holding onto him as his fingers entered you. You looked down at his lap, his dick getting harder by the second. You thought for a minute, how could someone like you get a man like him when no one liked you. Tears started flowing down your cheeks as Taehyun stopped and looked up at you, "Hey, what's wrong, darling? What's got you all teary eyed?" He held you close as you cried on his shoulder. Then Taehyun heard kids from outside your window talking and calling you a recluse and made fun of you for being a brat who was too good for the world. That made you cry even harder and Taehyun got up and got to the window, he opened it pointed his finger at the kids, then held up his old water gun. The kids ran away, screaming bloody murder. He walked back to you, "That ought to teach those kids to mind their own business and not make fun of you." He pressed a kiss to your forehead. He helped you get your clothes back on as he told you he'd get you lunch and to wait for him.

It had been years since Taehyun first met you. Shy, submissive, you. It was then that he realized, you were the one. He never once looked back, he knew that stealing from you was a good idea or else he would've never met you. You were his precious omega and he was your handsome alpha and your lives were perfect. Today, he was with you, holding your hand as you both walked through the garden, smiling and happy. He let go and ran to get a flower he grew for you. Once again, you waited for him because you knew what he'd say, to wait for him.

Taglist: @filmnings, @yeoningz, @beomiracles, @dawngyu, @yunverie, @liverspaghett

[laundryandtaxesworld]

continued from here

idea from @lilithtanith

it was a few months before the one-eighteen had another barbecue. buck buckled his wiggly six month old into the car and drove off towards bobby and athena’s.

buck parked his car and grabbed emma and her diaper bag before going into the back yard. he smelled hamburgers and heard people milling around.

“hey, sorry i’m late.”

“don’t be sorry, can i hold my grand baby?” buck handed emma to athena who started to tell her about how bobby was frantically cleaning before the hangout. emma just gave gummy smile. buck’s heart warmed at the sight as he set down the bag. eddie came up to him with two beers in hand.

“thank you.”

“so how’s being a parent?” buck let out a low groan which eddie chuckled at.

“yeah, that’s basically how it feels.”

“i just love her so much.”

“that feeling never goes away.” hen and chim joined the two of them, and the four got to talking.

“you know what is the worst thing about this situation?” buck asked, his empty beer bottle loosely held in his hand.

“what?”

“he tried to tell me. he tried to tell me he was pregnant and i had his number blocked. it don’t even remember doing that.” buck ran a hand over his face when he couldn’t hear one single breath from the other three. he looked at their face, the way guilt seemed to choke them. buck felt an icy cold feeling wash over him.

“did you know he was blocked on my phone?” buck asked coolly as he looked at his friends.

“we-we blocked him, eddie admitted.

“what?” buck bit out harshly.

“buck, it was for your own good. to let him go,” hen pleaded.

“for my own good? i’m an adult. i’m not a child.” a silence settled over the yard, heads turned to the quad.

“buck, please,” chimney said trying to calm him brother-in-law.

“no, chim. you fought for maddie, why shouldn’t i have fought for tommy? huh?”

“buck, you were moping, we were trying to get you back on your feet.”

“eddie, i had JUST broken up with the man i love. of course i would be moping. but all three of you think i’m a child, a child who can’t make his own decisions. so you all made a decision FOR ME!” buck was shouting at this point. hen had ushered the children inside as well as the other adults, so they would be given at least some privacy.

“we didn’t make any decision for you, buck,” eddie defended, “we were helping you.”

“you were not helping me, you made tommy’s life a living hell

“w-what?” hen whispered.

“because he was blocked i never got his messages. he felt like i’d abandoned him and i did, so he went through his pregnancy alone and afraid. he DIED alone. you say you’re his friends? this isn’t what friends would do.”

“buck..”

“no. i’m going home. i don’t want to talk to you all right now.” buck left the three of them who felt like they’d been dunked in ice water.

buck gently grabbed emma from athena’s arms, grabbed the bag and left the barbecue. everyone was left in a stunned scilence.

buck was fuming as he feed emma her dinner. behind the “here comes the train” he wanted to punch his punching bag. emma babbled at him and he smiled.

“hi, my sweet girl. what’s going on in your head?” emma smiled and babbled at him.

“yeah? me too. it’s been an… interesting day.”

buck finished feeding emma, gave her a bath, read her a picture book and put her to bed. with his daughter fast asleep, buck finally let himself cry.

he cried for what his friends did, he cried because of his own actions and he cried for tommy tommy who felt alone and unloved, when buck loves him with his whole heart.

“i love you tommy, so so much.”

[scripts4dreamers]

Leave a light on pt. 6

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five

Whatever she had been imagining, the prison of regret was ten times worse. It had taken conspicuously little power for Solas to open a door into the pocket dimension that was the prison and so their journey from the lighthouse was quick and painless. After all, the prison was designed to keep people like them in, not out.

People like them.

Amala shivered. It was cold in the prison, and unsettling, and dreary. The atmosphere made her feel as though she were being watched, as though the eyes of history itself were bearing down on her, eager to pick her to pieces and cast its judgment.

She looked up at Solas, his hand clasped in hers, warm and firm and real. She saw his anguish. His eyes were darting around, his breath was shallow and her resolve hardened.

“It’s going to be okay,” she whispered, even though there was no one around, “we’ll get through this.”

He tore his gaze away from the hated place, his whole body relaxing when he was reminded that she was with him.

“I know we will, Vhenan,” he promised, looking back up, “The question is where to start.”

The prison was a twisting, ephemeral maze of crumbling platforms, corridors to nowhere and staircases that bent over on themselves in ways that shouldn’t have been physically possible. It looked designed to tear you down, to whittle away your stamina and hope, keeping you frustrated at all times. There was no clear start and no clear end, just endless grey. Her chest pinched. Still, trying to be brave, Amala pointed to a spot northwest of where they were standing.

“What about th-”

Before she could finish the sentence the world exploded in a flash of stark light. She felt herself be ripped forward with brutal force. It felt like space twisted and contracted around her, crushing the air from her lungs. Just when she thought she might pass out she was flung down onto the stones, where she lay in a crumpled heap, dizzy and heaving. Her head was ringing. There were spots of light flashing in her eyes and everything felt…fuzzy. She clenched her hand and felt nothing.

“Solas?” she mumbled, forcing herself slowly to her feet as her head throbbed, “Solas?”

She looked around. She was alone on a crumbling grey island.

“Solas!” She shouted, feeling her already very thin veil of composure fraying, “Solas, where are you?”

There was no reply. No sound at all, not even the echo of the wind served as a response. The panic was almost choking her now. She searched the landscape with her eyes for any hint of the familiar tall figure, but was met with endless fields of grey. Slowly, as she searched, the reality of her situation sunk in. She was in a prison built from regret, and she was alone.

“Fenhedis,” she shouted, her fists clenched with rage.

She kicked at a nearby chunk of gravel, feeling a sense of grim satisfaction when it shot into a pillar and shattered. Her head ached. She could feel bruises forming on her elbows and shoulder blades. She was sore and fed up and afraid and she was alone. She was never supposed to be alone, that wasn’t the plan.

“Since when do our plans ever actually go to plan, hey Mol?”

She spun around, a combination of shock and elation shooting through her like an arrow.

“Varric?” She called.

“Woah, no need to yell, I’m right here.”

Amala turned again, letting out a sound that was somewhere between a gasp and a sigh when she saw her old friend Varric Tethras standing before her. He looked just how she remembered him, his long hair loose around his shoulders, Bianca strapped to his back and a look of casual roguish charm on his face. The sight of him soothed something in her and suddenly, rather than being on the verge of a panic attack, Amala was almost calm. Varric was here. Everything was going to be alright.

“Varric,” she said with relief, “I thought-”

The words died in her throat and the momentary rush of calm was swallowed by pain. Something must have shown in her face because Varric raised his arms apologetically.

“Don’t shoot the messenger, Inquisitor. I didn’t ask for this either.”

“You’re dead,” she said, just to hear the words, “you’re not really here to help me because you’re dead. Solas killed you.”

“Accidentally,” Not Varric corrected, “but yeah. Sorry about that. I am here to help though. It’s why you brought me here.”

She shook her head, hating herself for the awful empty feeling that was opening in her chest. Hating the hot prick of tears in her eyes and the way her throat started to close like she was going to cry. Regret prisons. Never underestimate the cruelty of them.

“I didn’t bring you here. How can you help me?” she asked, surprising herself with how cold her voice sounded, “you’re gone. You’re not here.”

“But I was here for Rook,” he answered, “and most of the things you know about this place, you know from them. This may be a hell prison built by a tricky bastard, but it’s still the fade. It’s still going to warp itself in line with your expectations.”

Her shoulders loosened, the veneer of toughness cracking as a sliver of understanding wormed its way in.

“So, because on some level I expected you to be here…”

He spread his arms, pride sparkling in his warm eyes, “I’m here. See, I knew you’d get there.” He waved her over and started walking, “Now come on, we’ve got a lot of ground to cover, and I’m worried that if we leave that boyfriend of yours alone for too long he’ll go back to wanting to blow up the world.”

“Solas wouldn’t-”

“Mol, I’m a figment of your imagination and memories. If I’m saying it, at least some part of you is thinking it.”

“Or thinking you would be thinking it.” she pointed out.

“Now that’s the kind of thinking we need in a place like this.” He replied, shooting her a wink.

“We should say thinking more,” she teased.

Varric sighed, “Remind me why I’ve missed your dumb ass again?”

She shrugged, feeling comforted despite herself, “Beats me.”

He let out a low, familiar chuckle and the sound made her heart hurt so badly that Amala physically stopped walking and pressed her hand to her chest. Memories of long days trekking through the Western Approach flashed before her eyes, endless games of Wicked Grace, firm pats on the back whenever things became too much, and stories traded around makeshift campfires. Varric Tethras, the consummate storyteller and showman, weeping in a backroom where he thought no one could hear him when she came back from the fade and Hawke didn’t. She remembered how he’d never blamed her, how he’d quietly thanked Andraste for her safety even as his heart was breaking, how he’d kept up a brave face, only letting his true feelings show in the darkest, coldest hours of the night.

She would never get the chance to apologise, to thank him for his kindness, to tell him she liked his new novel, to just talk to him again. An eternity without Varric Tethras stretched out before her, a yawning, gaping maw she couldn’t hope to escape. Amala knew, better than most, that grief comes in waves and right then she felt like she was staring up at a tsunami waiting to bear down on her and crush her into dust.

“Not the time, kid,” Not Varric said gently, reaching up to give her shoulder a comforting squeeze, “you and I will have our chance to hash it out later.”

“Promise?” she asked with a rueful smile.

He didn’t respond. Luckily, or unluckily, she was extremely practiced at shoving her feelings aside to focus on the larger cause. As the pair navigated the endless, barren landscape together, Amala distracted herself by sifting through the memories of her life, wondering what she might be forced to face, which of her many scars would be sliced open again. It was pointless to wonder but, as the oppressive atmosphere started to weigh on her, and it started to feel like she was wading through a thick bog, she couldn’t stop herself. If Not Varric noticed her discomfort he made no indication of it and they continued on in companionable silence.

They walked together for an indeterminate amount of time before something changed. It started with a breeze. An icy breeze that cut to the bone. Amala noticed her breath coming out as steam and, as she stopped walking and looked around, she noticed that they were no longer alone. Instead, they stood at the base of a snowy hill. It looked like a giant anthill. Hints of wooden spikes poked through the snow here and there, there was the idea of a gate, a path with towering walls of snow on either side and everywhere else, statues. Hundreds of statues. Thousands of statues all facing them with blank, unseeing eyes. Most of the forms were humanoid but some were warped and twisted with large stone shards jutting out of misshapen bodies, gruesome and familiar in a way that made her hands fly immediately to the knives on her belt.

“Are those-” Not Varric asked.

“Red templars.” she agreed.

“And that makes this place-”

“Haven.”

As soon as the words had left her lips, she knew they were true. She could make out the shape of familiar buildings beneath the snow and the path, the one they were clearly supposed to walk through, was one she had walked a thousand times, going from the gate to the Chantry. Only there was no Chantry. Not anymore. They would have to walk the path with the statues bearing down on them like gargoyles to get wherever the prison was sending them. Being so exposed made her teeth itch. Slowly, as they walked, Amala gave in to her fear, unsheathing her daggers and settling into something like a combat crouch. She would do as the prison wanted, but she would also be prepared for anything.

“You buried us,” the templar statues spoke in grating, bellowing unison, “lost in the dark, in the cold. Our bodies burned from the lyrium, devouring us from the inside.” As Amala and Not Varric forged ahead the statues turned to face them with accusing eyes, “We knew not what we were doing. Following orders. One foot in front of the other. You buried us under the mountain. We were crushed. We were suffocated. We froze to death even as we clawed our way to the light.”

Amala closed her eyes, breathing deep to steady herself against the pang of guilt in her chest, “You were doomed the moment you started ingesting the red lyrium. It is Corypheus and your Commanders that are to blame for your deaths. They sent you here to destroy this town and kill the people under my protection.”

“You started the avalanche,” they replied, thousands of voices overlapping to form a cacophony echoing against the walls of compacted snow, “we died alone, in agony and afraid because of you.”

“We died for you,” new voices echoed, “We fought for you. We believed in you. You buried us just the same.”

They were nearly halfway up the path now and her chest was tightening with the horror of it all. The wind bit into her exposed skin. The metal of her knives grew colder and colder. They were Inquisition soldiers. Those that had been too injured to make it back to the Chantry, those who had been too low when the second avalanche was triggered. Cullen had never explicitly told her, but she knew they existed. She knew what she had done to them.

Another pang of sorrow, “I never wanted anyone to die for me,” she said, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you all, but I had to make a choice. I had to do what I could to save Haven and then, when that failed, to save our people.”

“And you failed at that as well,” another familiar voice said.

She stopped dead in her tracks. There was a statue on the path before her, painfully lifelike, standing at attention, her stone eyes fixed on Amala.

“Flissa,” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper.

The beautiful, clever, friendly barkeeper. The one who had been so kind to Amala, who had always greeted her, always stood up for her, who had never let anyone call her a knife-ear. She had spent so many nights in Flissa’s tavern, traded stories with her, shared jokes over ice cold pints. There were others gathered behind her as well. Men, women and children who she had known in Haven, those who had been killed by the Templars or were too weak to survive the trip to Skyhold. Innocent people who had died all because Amala Lavellan brought war to their doorstep.

“I believed in you,” Flissa’s voice echoed, “even as the building was burning down around me, even as I heard the templars closing in. Do you know what my last words were?”

Amala instinctively took a step back, fighting the urge to cover her ears as the guilt rolled over her in waves.

“The Herald will save us,” she continued, “that’s what I said. I swore you would come for us and yet…”

“Flissa-”

“You just ran right past me. You left me to die, Herald.”

“I didn’t mean-”

“You’re a failure,” the voices called in ghostly, tormenting unison, “You failed us.”

Amala shook her head, her mind twisting and stumbling over itself as she tried to formulate any sort of coherent response.

“It was chaos,” she started, “there were too many-Haven had no defenses-” she looked up at the statues that surrounded her, taking note of their faces and burning them into her mind, “It was an impossible situation. I made the best choice-the only choice-I could in the moment.”

“Who gave you the right?”

“Somebody had to make the call or every single one of us would have died,” she insisted, feeling the slightest bit of strength flow back into her, remembering the faces of all the people she did save, all the lives that weren’t lost, “I am so sorry that I couldn’t save all of you. Flissa, I-” her voice cracked, “you needed a divine herald, and all you got was me. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to do more, but I won’t be held responsible for Corypheus’ mistakes. He brought war to Haven. He brought death. It is him who should pay the price.”

There was a moment’s silence.

“And he did,” Flissa said, “you put an end to his scheming, to his murderous plans. You avenged Haven.”

“We are free from our suffering,” A red templar agreed, “we can be used no longer.”

“Pass,” Flissa said, “and do not allow our sacrifice to be forgotten.”

The statues didn’t move, per say. One moment they were there and the next…Amala and Not Varric were alone atop a snow covered hill with not even a footprint to mark the statues’ departure. For her part, Amala felt like someone had reached into her chest and scooped her insides out. She was left with nothing but a hollow ache and the promise that more pain was to come.

Not Varric whistled, “Damn, that was some heavy stuff. You need a minute?”

She shook her head, hastily wiping away the few stray tears that had fallen and frozen on her cheeks, “Let’s just keep moving.”

He sighed, “Whatever you say, boss.”

[iridiss]

At some point I’d like to add some more scenes/rewritten pieces to earlier chapters to my MCD rewrite fic expanding a bit more in detail on Garroth, Laurance, and Aphmau’s relationship. Now that we’re breaking into the final half of season 1, I feel like I missed more than I should in developing their relationships and expanding upon them in more detail, so at some point I need to like. study and break down their canon dynamics in-depth and go back and patch in extra scenes to fill the gaps of their development

[movementsofmylife]

considering the true ridiculousness of that heist and how completely implausible every single thing they did was, the episode should have felt slower for me. usually i need a bit more than, waiter who is clearly not like the rest because he's in a literal mask and going in the entire wrong direction, to agree to suspension of disbelief. but even as i was thinking about how truly bad this heist was, it was still enjoyable and hit enough points of tension and had great pacing, and the overall episode felt like it went by in a flash.

but also,,, like, what is the point of it all????? it's not like the one ring. it can't actually do anything. rose's dad doesn't just lose his wealth and privilege because he lost this ring?? (if they do that i am going to both laugh and be so annoyed.) i truly do not understand, but i'm willing to play along because its a fun ride.

[batsplat]

casey also talks about sepang 2015 what do you think of that

oh in that podcast? uh... lemme listen again...

yeah idk it's not really anything new I'd say? he's said basically all the same stuff in more interesting and extensive ways elsewhere. I think casey inevitably has a very 'well feuding is bad and helps nobody' point of view, has expressed that before in the past, does it here again, and he's also drawn a parallel between himself and marc on several occasions. which... well, of course there's similarities in terms of public discourse or whatever, but the parallel really falls apart whenever casey argues the feuds cost valentino. like, I do think it's sometimes important to just. keep in mind. it's interesting that casey draws this comparison in his mind but that doesn't necessarily means he's right about this. I'm not sure how you'd argue that starting a feud with casey cost valentino anything competitively? you can argue it didn't help him I guess, and then we can have a debate about the ins and outs of the 2008 season. we can also have an argument that in a hypothetical world where casey isn't ill in 2009, valentino doesn't break his leg and casey isn't on a piece of junk in 2010, and valentino isn't on a piece of junk in 2011-12, then actually maybe valentino sparking open animosity with casey COULD have cost him. but we don't know that! didn't happen! I wish we could have found out, but we never got the chance! as it stands, the tally on this is pretty straightforward: casey won the title when things were reasonably civil between them in 2007, and valentino took control of the following season at the exact moment he worsened the relationship between the pair of them in 2008. obviously, it's all more complicated than that and casey would of course argue laguna didn't negatively affect his subsequent performances... but it certainly didn't help them. like, at the very worst valentino escalating tensions in 2008 is a complete net neutral. after 2009, them being bitchy to each other every other tuesday was completely competitively irrelevant beyond maybe affecting how they approached occasionally fighting for a podium position. hey, maybe casey used that feud to fire himself up through sheer spite throughout the later stages of his career, but that doesn't actually support his anti-feud stance - it's basically the exact same thing as what valentino does. they're both quite similar in that regard! always so hungry to prove a point, to show how someone else is wrong. kinda half the point with this feuding business is to get yourself going, get yourself motivated, yeah. he straight up openly admits to using yamaha's repeat rejection of him as a way of giving himself motivation, and at the end of the day that's really not all that different?

anyway, what else does casey say... oh yeah, that him and the other aliens were already kinda prepared for this and had learned vale's tricks. that valentino had only been able to get into the minds of the previous generation. welllllll *wiggles hand* sure, I mean, he did clearly have to change his approach... he couldn't just use the exact same playbook to get to them, either on-track or off-track. but that's why he did change up the playbook... again, whether you want to believe valentino won his final two titles 'in the head' rather than just through pure pace kinda depends on how you assess the evidence, but it is at the very least a debate. and, y'know, it's always worth remembering that valentino's most important mind games with casey didn't happen in a press conference... it was on the track. and the on-track stuff really is just embedded in how valentino approaches winning. speaking of aliens, this is what dani and jorge have said:

like, valentino's entire approach to his riding, even to the way he's setting his bike up, is deliberately about directly fucking with you... he's not actually always trying to be faster than you as much as he's trying to give himself the tools to make your life miserable, to pressure you into mistakes, etc etc... and again, especially with casey (if anything because he was so mentally sturdy), the off-track stuff was really just window dressing. (I know they bicker a lot after 2009 but it's just so fundamentally irrelevant to actual on-track competition.) so you can be aware of those tricks, but it also doesn't necessarily help you when someone's being nasty to you on-track in a way you just fully do not enjoy. which is what it was like for casey! for casey, a lot of this comes back to the truly unpleasant context of how he was perceived by the public, how he was treated as mentally weak or 'broken' or whatever partly because he had the misfortune of coming up against a bloke who had the reputation for breaking rivals. I think it's quite natural to end up with a bit of a hardliner 'actually I've never been mentally affected by a result in my life' stance - and of course casey is a lot tougher than a lot of people give him credit for. that being said. sometimes your rivals affect you, shit happens, it's part of the game. it's fundamentally a nice idea to think that valentino's tactics weren't just morally wrong but also ineffective, which is kind of the appeal of this narrative, right? you want to believe you're above that, you want to believe you were adequately prepared and wise to valentino's tactic. it's unsurprising and understandable that casey does tend to tell the story that way, but again it's *wiggles hand* also hard to describe it as completely factual

uh. what else. oh I'm thrilled casey does canonically know valentino and marc were friends, he has said he wasn't following motogp too much during that time period so you couldn't be sure of that. does this mean anything? does it tell you anything? well, no, but it's just a pleasing thought to me. I like that. oh also 'provoking particularly aggressive riders isn't a good idea' is kinda a funny take from casey? like, he of all people would hate the idea of being cowed by someone's reputation like that... casey's right that provoking fast riders can potentially be dangerous, but y'know I do think that's probably not news to anyone almost nine years later. um. that's all I've got I think

[whentherewerebicycles]

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[sysig]

Reading moodboard #84430940 (Patreon)

[pochapal]

revisiting the "bodies with no faces" argument to prop up a faked corpse theory is. hrm.