#it’s also not a guarantee that I would’ve had enough to successfully conceive again
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#went to look up my donor for some health info and discovered that he’s now ‘inactive’#so no vials remaining and he’s not expected to donate again#for some reason that is making me cry and cry#the reason is probably hormones#but also owen is so perfect and it makes me sad that he won’t be able to have a full sibling#I also wish I hadn’t sold back the remaining vials I had purchased#but I needed the money back and I couldn’t afford 2+ years of exorbitant storage fees#this industry is such a racket and makes it hard to make the decisions you want to make#because everything is marked up 1000x#just gonna tell myself it’s ok to be pretty sad about it#but also if I have another baby someday lots of people are half siblings#and this whole experience is teaching me about the elasticity and adaptability of the concept of family#people obviously don’t have to be 100% biologically related#to love and take care of each other#I want to release myself from feeling guilty over not keeping the vials#it’s also not a guarantee that I would’ve had enough to successfully conceive again#and that might’ve been more upsetting! to try four times and be stressing about running out#now the decision is out of my hands and I can just find a way to be at peace with that#baby tag
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