#this one i do inflict upon you all in its entirety

[buskingalbatross]

i met dan and phil two months ago today! 💫

the intrinsically strange and nerve-wracking social interaction that is a m&g is something i once assumed i would simply never choose to put myself through. but, considerate of their argument that we are all in fact mortal and i may never get a chance to hug them ever again, i realized that i had assumed wrong. back when this tour was first announced, i realized i really did want to meet them after all these years if i could.

several people can attest to how epically i vacillated over what to have them sign (it was truthfully a months-long series of vacillations). i eventually decided that what i wanted was a single object that encapsulated all – or almost all – of my creative offerings to the phandom in 2024. so, after some thought, i started learning bookbinding. so that i could bind together the phanfics i’ve written and have them sign them.

the project plunged me into the world of ficbinders and bookbinders, a world which i now delight in being granted access to. the book that they signed, which i posted photos of in this post, is simple and the work of a beginner, but i’m also quite proud of it. for someone who famously cannot tell what a straight line looks like, it’s a miracle i made such a neat and structurally-sound book.

the stories in it range from a howl’s moving castle-esque wizards au (but weird) to vampire phan to the story i wrote from the pov of a wagtail. there’s also some phyuri in there too. four different phanartists have artwork in the book, and all of them are absolutely amazing. i want to mention one of them, @pierogish, because without her support of my stories i absolutely would not have had the guts to walk up to dan and phil and ask them to sign those stories.

to help contextualize the whole thing to them, i opened up the book to show the page i wanted signed, where i had already tucked a print of pierogish’s art of them as wizards (which you can see more of here!). they were both so kind and enthusiastic – phil said “i love being a wizard!” which sort of made my entire life, and dan said he loved my presentation of the book. because i had basically meticulously choreographed the whole interaction for myself beforehand, that comment meant a ton to me.

on behalf of pierogish, i also got to show them (and gift them a print of) her Sister Daniel art – an honor of the highest order.

as the proclaimed winners of rpf forever and also as creators who inspire me to live life and tell stories in my own kind, creative, queer way, dnp signing this book was one of the coolest moments of my life. being surrounded by the phandom was magical, as it always is. and seeing their show was unquestionably as healing and celebratory for me as they hope it is for everyone.

bonus signed pierogish art + tit set in nashville:

[pickingupmymercedes]

Wrong for me - Charles Leclerc

📷 @/nicolo.furicchia

pairing: charles leclerc x fem! f1 related! reader (the reader is a tp's daughter, I wrote with Toto in mind but there's no names)

song: Angels - Miley Cyrus

warnings: angsty but happy-ish ending

wordcount: 1k

a/n: Bit of a short one but it is my first time writing for Charles, so would you guys give some feedback? Also I'm thinking of opening up requests for drivers x readers with songs inspirations, I actually really like to take songs as inspirations

I know that you’re wrong for me, gonna wish we never met on the day I leave

It was everything your father had warned you not to do, yet it was everything you’ve thought about ever since he walked through the f1 paddock back in 2018. You knew he was wrong for you, but the very thought of each other consumed every inch of logical judgment in both of you. He had a couple of girlfriends since, they were all nice and polite, you tried to stay away but it didn’t make much of a difference. Their official reason for the break ups were the hardships of dating a driver, but he would tell you sometime later some of the exact words he heard were “Why am I always so sure your mind is on her?”.

A puppy love that had burned bright for a little over 6 months when you were still 16 but somehow had managed to quietly find its way through to today. Only this time the flame had threatened to burn not only your hearts but the entirety of his and your father’s team. The tension between the two of you had always been evident to those who knew what had happened back then, but as the 2024 season went further it was more than obvious to anyone with eyes that there was something there. Feelings and desire neither of you would dare to act upon and that would further build an atmosphere that could be felt and cut with a knife, making you wish every day you had never met.

When you finally realized you had the same effect he did on you, hurting him was how you protected yourself from giving in to the urge to fall head first into a love that you believed would not be able to thrive. So as his relationships crumbled down to their inevitable ends, you embarked in a string of meaningless flings in search of someone that would take your mind off of the one thing that you truly wanted.

Bringing him down to his knees with every ghosting you’d purposely inflict him, finding some unimportant meeting to attend instead of where you said you’d be, all the while excitedly celebrating his first win, birthday or even little achievements, moments of weakness you’d let your true emotions surface, only to shut him out right after, pledging to not drag him down the rabbit hole that was your blinding infatuation, with what you believed to be his way out of “misery loves company”.

Some of the drivers, protective as they had become of you, caught on pretty early how although Charles wouldn’t confess his affections, he would never candidly deny them either, which resulted in rising untrust between some of them, with your father on the other hand taking the blind eye approach and ignoring what was obvious until he couldn’t anymore.

You tried to pretend things were taken care of, but every time you found yourselves in the same space sparks could almost be seen coming from every other direction. The breaking point being a very public and loud display of how tense things were between you and him one Saturday night at the paddock, the motive long forgotten as both of you screamed at the top of your lungs for things the other had no fault. The frustration of walking on egg shells around each other clearly evident on the screaming match, and your father’s first intervention resulting in two grown adults looking like sulking toddlers who had just been told they had to deal with their emotions before anyone got seriously hurt in the cross fire.

That wasn’t the last time, and although you would try to keep discussions and screaming matches alike from happening, the public stares and midnight bedroom escapades escalated to a point where everyone decided enough was enough, and you were both locked at the FIA conference room, to either “kiss or scream it out” – their exact words.

“I’m not like your past relationship, Charles. I won’t bring you security, peace and quiet. I’m a mess and you know it, you’ve seen it. Everything I touch turns into a huge media monster and I’m fated to lose every single person I love. It’s not your fault I ruin everything, and it’s not your fault I can’t be what you need” You confessed, looking him with bloodshot eyes, tears falling freely.

“I don’t want them, I want you. Baggage and all, media attention and crazy fans, protective father and f1 drivers haunting me for years to come… The mess and everything they always said you’d be, because that’s the woman I fell in love with.” And although you had reservations on what you believed could be a relationship with the power to destroy his life, and potently his career, you gave in, letting your heart speak louder than your fears.

[omegalomania]

no ok like. i know this is The YBC Blog and all but i really truly need to go off about how GENUINELY fucking fascinating the whole "young volcanoes" video is on a metatextual level. like the entirety of the youngblood chronicles says a WHOLE hell of a lot about the band in terms of the metaphors it's painting wrt the hiatus and reformation and the fact that they took this particular song (sonically incredibly airy and cheerful, lyrically desolate) and turned it into the dinner party from hell. this is a story where an external force chops up the lead singer and hollows him out and then serves his organs to the rest of the band. theyre made to consume him, literally, against their will!!! and thats not all!! they are vividly hallucinating at this point, because theyve been heavily drugged - again, against their will! - and they see this whole thing as a joyous affair. in their blitzed out brains, this is them reuniting after the harrowing experience of being kidnapped off the goddamn streets! and then they have this fucked up trippy GROUP HALLUCINATION where they are literally EATING PATRICKS ORGANS. and in the real world, none of them can see this happening - except patrick. patrick is not blindfolded. patrick can see them being forcefed his own viscera and he's too fucking high off his ass to do anything about it. in fact, in reality, he barely acknowledges his bandmates at all.

like just thinking about this from a metaphorical perspective. its fucking fascinating innit. the band literally cannibalizes patrick against their will, and he cannibalizes himself against his will, and they are all made to believe this is something that they want to have happen. they are misled and drugged into this. they eat him alive. they eat him ALIVE. and they are made to think they're having a great time doing it.

the band consumes itself for the seeming entertainment of the onlooking vixens. and they don't explore this through the avenue of pete, who the rest of the band regularly cites as the creative impetus behind the band, but through patrick, the voice. the mouthpiece. the one who sings the words. this is the third fucking video they released when the band came back from hiatus. and its this. it is the band being forced to consume the lead singer and primary composer from the inside, and him participating in this forced consumption.

it makes me grip my head and scream. we witness this horrifying incident so early and things only get worse and worse from there. for all that patrick kills joe and pete later in the narrative, they have patrick's blood on their lips first, staining their mouths, slicking their insides. and, like the case with patrick, who has been warped into something violent, they don't do this willingly; it is done to them. we see what true and genuine hatred of music and creativity has motivated the vixens to do. and in contrast we see, by the story's end, the thesis statement that the defenders of the faith love each other beyond any earthly horror that can be inflicted upon them. how unbelievably unfathomably fucking captivating for this to be present at the very start, this warped perversion of that kind of love. what else is friendship and brotherhood but this. what else is love at its most destructive and possessive than this. we are friends, we are brothers in arms, we are companions until the bitterest of all bitter ends. we have wrought immeasurable horrors upon each other. we have consumed each other. we have eaten each other alive. we all have each other's blood on our hands and in our mouths. if save rock and roll is the brightest and most elevated declaration of love imaginable, then young volcanoes is the darkest and most twisted. we don't want to be here. we're having the time of our lives. we're trapped. we're screaming. we missed you. we are better together. we are destroying each other. we love you. we love you to the most twisted and horrific and absolute endpoint imaginable. we love you. they won't let us stop loving you. we love you. they won't let us stop. we love you.

[cum-villain]

Ron Desantis is a name many of us are familiar with, sadly. This beta male is known for his hateful policies, and generally disgraceful demeanor. However, I will prove the following fact to you all: He is not, in fact, a beta.

He is an omega taking heat suppressants.

1. Why He Hides It

Before we begin, let us ask ourselves the following: if my hypothesis is correct, why would he hide his dynamic? There are multiple reasons. The first of which: The inconvenience of heats.

Ron Desantis hopes to be a successful politician. As such, going into states of lust and slicking every month would interfere with the amount of time he can spend on his career. Additionally, it may very well open himself up for scandals. Taking heat suppressants thus frees up his schedule, and helps him keep his reputation, though I must emphasize to the omegas reading this that I do not hold any anti-omega beliefs. However, the political world today is not kind to omegas, which brings me to the second reason.

Politicians, as with many authority figures, are expected to be strong, sturdy, guarding alphas, not caring, nurturing omegas. Of course, not every alpha or omega fits the stereotype, but the stereotypes are pervasive. There's a reason that Donald Trump, an alpha, is more popular among conservatives then Ron Desantis, a ''beta''. It already is a slight blow to be seen as a beta, being known as an omega would be even more harmful to him. However I don't care about his career and in fact want him gone so I'm making this post.

2. His Omega Traits

My first proof is his personality. While it is not true that every person of a certain dynamic will have the same personality, certain traits are scientifically proven to correlate with one's dynamic. For example, not every alpha is quick to punch, or willing to fight to the death for a mate's honor, alphas in general to tend to be more possessive, more stubborn. These are not bad traits, but can be used to pinpoint a person's true dynamic.

For example: Omegas tend to be more passive. This article by the New York Times described Ron Desantis's political strategy as such:

One route for a candidate like DeSantis... is to win the nomination without crossing Trump... However, that strategy is passive.

3. Symptoms of Heat Suppressants

Heat suppressants have recognizable symptoms, if one knows where to look. Here's the ones he shows

First off, heat suppressants rarely remove all traces of being in heat. They often dont mask the scent on their own, for example, requiring scent suppressants and/or false scents. Scent suppressants are easily noticeable, as they are a lack of a scent. While betas do not have the strong scents of alphas or omegas, they do have some scent, which scent suppressants remove. Ron Desantis likely uses them as well as false scents, but the false scents must also be there.

I'm sure we all remember when Trump was on one of his usual bullying tirades, the last one directed at Desantis, where he mentioned his secnts being strange. False scents are in fact noticeable by those with a keen nose, and Trump's businessman background leads me to believe he would have that experience.

Secondly, while emotional states are not nearly as wild when off of heat suppressants, ones emotions instead are mildly high-strung for the entirety of ones cycle to offset the hormonal buildup. Look at that man and tell me hes experiencing a beta male's calm.

4. Final Proof

(This helpful chart was provided by @curioscurio)

5. Why Does It Matter?

Ron Desantis's extremely bigoted platform is based on a lie he tells his supporters. While in most cases I would not nearly be this aggrieved by an omega pretending to be a beta (as anti-omega sentiments do exist), Desantis doesn't lie simply to balance the scales, but to inflict harm upon others. If we get the word out to his supports, then its extremely likely they won't like the truth, and Desantis will fall from the tower of hatred he built when it's torn to shreds by his wicked flock. So please, reblog this, and one day we may be free of Desantis.

(ty for reading this satire lol)

[beesmygod]

what do u think are the top 5 stand fights in jojo

this is very hard. at first i thought it was bc there were so many to choose from but when you narrow them down it's a pretty short list of bangers. the problem is the short list is extremely good. here is my best attempt at what ive read so far

READER BEWARE: SPOILERS ARE THERE

star platinum vs the world

example: oh? you're approaching me?

like, obviously, you have to put this one up really high. its The Fight of All Time. it has everything:

a dramatic character death that is NOT in vein......rip to kakyoin the sickest little boy in all of egypt

the apparent death of beloved bastard joseph joestar, in which he gives the longest dying speech since hamlet that sounds like "jotaro! press the A button to punch dio really fast and reffill your meter!" only to be returned to full health at the end so he can do the single greatest prank of all time.

jotaro finally says something so cool it makes you want to stand up and scream for him in sheer rapturous joy

polnareff gets a good hit in.

dio becoming subject to the exact same torment that he inflicts upon others right before a death that definitively underscores that he is lesser than he knew himself to be is perfection. honestly an incredible end to one of the greatest villains of all time. it feels very, very earned and satisfying

killer queen: bite ze dusto vs. the entirety of the town of morioh

example: yoshikage kira traumadumps about getting a boner to a stranger

i actually think this one is my absolute favorite of them all. the communal effort to take out yoshikage kira is a monumental undertaking; he is an absolute bastard with a seemingly endless string of luck. living members of the community who have good hearts, his victims who have been waiting for justice, strangers from far away dedicated to righting wrongs, and a completely powerless 10 year old powered entirely by the raw energy of a child's pure conscience band together to end a literal cycle of violence. how the fuck do you defeat a man who has already killed you and you don't even know it?? how do you stop someone who can turn back time?? it truly fucking seems like hes going to get away with it at the end. and then AGAIN you're like "oh no oh my god hes going to-" and then the single greatest villain death in the history of manga happens lol. ohhhhh its so fucking good.

its another battle thats made all the better by the sum of its parts. the entire yoshikage kira arc is near perfection. the set ups, pay offs, and who it chooses to celebrate as the heroes in the end creates a very satisfying cap to a great series.

osiris vs the stardust crusaders

example: jotaro loses a hand, and increases his bet

i love the stand fights that barely end up being stand fights. star platinum throws i think a single punch in this fight and its to light jotaro's cigarette, a mere taste of the sheer, near impossible speed of star platinum. how fast IS star platinum anyway....would you.....bet your life on it...??!!!!

a friend online told me about the "jotaro has autism" fan theory, and i was like "hm. whatever" until this episode, when i fully 100% believe that jotaro not only has autism but has figured out how to hone and weaponize it against his enemies. all these morons have to do is win a game of chance against a professional gambler who also openly cheats. i love this shit. this is the part of the story where jotaro really, really starts to shine and his unique strengths as a little badass piece of shit start to come through. i think he really starts to solidify his personality here when he finally gets a win that isnt based on "punch something really fast".

oingo and boingo/hol horse and boingo vs themselves

example: hol horse, noted woman respecter, does a flying jump kick on a random rich woman and she's so grateful she pays him in jewels

im counting these as one because i can and i want to. these episodes are fucking tops. easily top 5 eps of the entirety of stardust crusaders. i dont think anyone involved in the anti-dio squad had any idea oingo or boingo existed. bringing back that stupid asshole hol horse is literally always going to be appreciated as he's one of the best recurring villains even though his stand fucking sucks lmfao. boingo's too actually. his stand is he has a book but the book is an asshole. great goofy shit. what is fucking wrong with polnareff and joseph

da morioh boyz vs rohan kishibe

example: rohan makes every comic artist in the world mad

speaking of "whats wrong with him", ive posted a lot about rohan so i'll spare you it again but it's all highlighted best in his first ep. the one where he eats a spider, tears a child's face off for artistic inspiration, and tells another he has a whack ass haircut.

~honorable mentions~

jotaro vs literally two rats: the man who defeated dio and all of his minions almost gets completely smoked by jerry the mouse of tom and jerry fame.

koichi hirose vs yoshikage kira: aka the sheer heart attack fight. clever solution, funny jotaro moments, explosions, koichi levels up, THREE FREEZE, etc

joseph joestar and avdol vs bastet: a rare comedy stand where the joke is good. mariah is a fun antagonist. its also a rare pair up that turned out to be a lot of fun. they play off each other well (badly)

yoshikage kira vs stray cat: foil ep to jotaro's rat episode. weird perspective, fun to see kira play the hero briefly.

team bucciarati vs pesci and prosciutto: aka fighting old lol. the twist on how araki keeps prosciutto's power going while making him inaccessible is twisted. beach boy is also a skin crawling stand. very dangerous boys.

[bellamyroselia]

I've recently been thinking of how some of the missing Olympian gods could be adapted for future Kid Icarus games and in Poseidon's case he could be expanded upon, so I decided to dump some of my abridged thoughts about them here. Turned out I still had lot of things to say, but in general these thoughts are about what I think these gods could do and why it's possible, along with what kind of relationships they could have with the already existing KI-cast. Considering the subject matter, expect to see mythology-typical mind-fuckery and the words "motive failure" a lot - not only are these people extremely unhinged, in many myths the gods take the "fuck around and find out" approach way too literally.

To see this on its entirety, go here.

Starting with Hestia, she has a bad case of motive failure. Like what are you supposed to do with her? You can count her major mythological appearances on one hand, and even in those she doesn’t do much. It does also make imagining what kind of relationships she could have with the existing cast hard; none of Hestia's relationships are all that developed to begin with, but the ones she has with her siblings are those that get most focus… So that only really leaves Hades, Poseidon and maybe Viridi? Not much to work with, and I can’t really imagine those relationships being anything else but positive. Sure, they may disagree of some things, but overall they get along with each other. The most interesting thing about Hestia’s possible relationships is that I could actually see Dark Pit liking her due to her nice and unproblematic nature. It does leave plot potential pretty minimal though, but I could see writers using some legends about Vestal virgins as bases for plotlines where Hestia shows up as a supporting side character. The problem with those is that they tend to be pretty specific, so who knows how well they might actually work. “Arx tarpeia Capitoli proxima” makes a good moral but not much of a plotline if you divorce it from... Well, Tarpeia herself. Another possibility is that Pit’s sent to defend a place that had its sacred flame extinguished and he has to defeat the culprit behind that.

Artemis also suffers from motive failure. She may be a bringer of sudden death and disease along with being a serious contender for the title of the most wrathful Olympian, but… She’s so petty with it? Much of it is very small-scaled all things considered. Most things she does don’t have long-term consequences, and the few that do are quickly hijacked by other deities whose actions have bigger impacts to the myths in question. Like yeah, Artemis may have told Agamemnon to kill his daughter if he wants to set sails to Troy, but who cares when Apollo is inflicting the Greeks with a plague and Athena is ignoring the pleads of Trojan women. This being said, I could see her being used as an unfought antagonist for a chapter or two depending on what she does (something akin to her sending the Calydonian boar to terrorize Calydon could work), though that story ends the moment the threat is dealt with. I however wouldn’t cross out the possibility of her appearing as an ally out, though I’m not sure what she could offer to Pit and co. if that was the case as she’s not really a god of anything that could help Pit on his journey. And I honestly don’t see her having particularly positive relationships with anyone in the already existing cast - she may not dislike any of them, but she doesn’t really like them either. She’s a true neutral in that sense, which could possibly earn her Dark Pit’s respect. How long that’s going to last is a completely different matter though, it may be small-scaled put she’s still very wrath-happy person.

Have some more motive failure with Hermes, though this time it has everything to do with him being a rather hard character to utilize in a world without Zeus - because of the rating he’s not allowed to be horndog making more of himself and since Zeus isn’t there asking him to do things, it leaves him with next to nothing to do. He’s extremely loyal to Zeus and this loyalty is exclusive to him; while Hermes clearly loves the rest of his family, he wouldn’t do half of the things he does for his father for them… And boy, has he done lot of things for his father. He’s a big daddy’s boy and daddy simply can't be replaced because Hermes just doesn’t love many people in the same unconditional way he loves his father - this means he’d have to be an independent figure, since the only person he’d be a lackey for is out of the picture. Now Hermes does have some interesting figures connected to him, like his son Autolycus (shapeshifting thief and the maternal grandfather of both Jason and Odysseus, whose name literally means “the wolf itself”) and the goddess of persuasion Peitho who’s described as his wife on occasion, but I’m not sure how any of that could be utilized. Autolycus possibly could've had some potential as a recurring character if he wasn’t dead by old age, but who knows, maybe he did get deified and therefore became an immortal in the world of Kid Icarus. I mean, Medusa is just a sea daemon and a dead one of that in the myths so why not let Autolycus to become a god. But back to Hermes, what I think of his possible relationships with already existing characters? They’re likely positive overall and I can see him appreciating both Pits for their spunk, but I think that the most potential comes from different minor antagonists, like Thanatos, Phosphora and Pandora. In case of the last one, Hermes was the one who gave Pandora her personality so there's that. Into the two former ones, Hermes is a psychopomp which means that he guided spirits to afterlife and he was everyone’s preferred psychopomp. Only person who wasn’t happy to see him in this duty was Sisyphus (Ares freed Thanatos after he had been captured by Sisyphus and brought them both back to Underworld → Sisyphus sweet talks Persephone into letting him go for a short period of time → Sisyphus refuses to return and Thanatos refuses to try bringing him back, so Hermes drags him to Underworld), so one could argue that Hermes is better at doing Thanatos’ job than he is - the fact that the Sisyphus-myth is one of Thanatos’ only major mythological appearances doesn’t exactly help him in this situation. One could get some funny dialogue out of that. With Phosphora, her Japanese name is derived from Electra, who’s the younger sister of Hermes’ mother Maia. For some additional hilarity, Maia and Electra are both elder sisters of Merope, Sisyphus’ wife. Everything about the possibility of having Hermes, Phosphora and Thanatos interact smells like a comedy goldmine to me. But let’s be real, isn’t it weird that Hermes has never been a merchant in any KI-game? It’s so goddamn absurd considering how he’s the god of commerce! You’d think he would’ve been the first choice for that, but apparently not! That’s a one big missed opportunity!

Hera too has a case of motive failure, but the reasons behind it are pretty simple. First is the same as with Hermes, which is that Hera doesn’t get to do much in a world without Zeus; can't be angry about your husband being unfaithful to you when your husband isn’t around. The second reason is equally simple, it being that Hera likes Athena. In fact she probably loves Athena more than she loves Ares, Hephaestus and Eileithyia (aka Lucina) combined (her love for Athena and Hebe is probably around the equal level and if it’s in someone’s favor, it’s Hebe’s), so toss away all the possibilities of her being a villainous force. It wouldn’t really make sense considering how Palutena is mostly Athena-inspired character. The two goddesses are pretty much partners in crime and by crime I literally mean “Let’s try to overthrow Zeus with Poseidon and Apollo” and “Let’s be the only deities to celebrate Troy’s destruction” levels of things, having each others backs whenever something happens so I think it would be better to just let Palutena have a good relationship with her. With Pit things probably would get a tad more confusing depending on some other factors, but on a vacuum it’s hard to say anything about them. Regardless of those I think she and Dark Pit would have a pretty rocky relationship, as Hera along with her favorite stepdaughter and Aphrodite were some of the biggest menaces to society when Zeus was still in the picture… All roads may not lead to Rome, but many do lead to a scorned goddess, a nosey goddess or to an easily angered goddess.

[iobartach]

@gazelessmenagerie [🥦] asked; “I’m not scared of you. And its pathetic that you seem scared of yourself.”

for those who feel like a monster prompts

Words registered, an acidic retort burns the back of his throat as the Spider keeps his reply contained, denying the Brute the verbal jousting that he happened to relish in, especially when he had an important point to share. What did that say of his character if an alien warrior could read the visual cues he gave off better than his own allies? That he could infer from the words he left unsaid how Miguel was faring in a given instance? It called into question if that was on account of how much of an outsider Broly was happened to work in his favour, or if it had anything to do with how the Saiyan was the only person willing to suffer his withering glares, challenge his opinions on matters that concerned any number of factors.

As with all truths, the answer he sought more than likely dwelt within the weeds of such thinking, a matter he was opposed to digging for, given the influence exhaustion was currently inflicting upon his body. A loathsome foe that could only be staved off through resting. This of course was an impossibility, given how the Society's leader refused to take five, and step back. He had work to do, as always, no matter what way he felt. And yet that work would have to wait as he slumped into a chair, more wounded creature than exasperated human-- and not afraid to show it.

"You wouldn't be here if I thought you were." No snappy comeback is given. Although never in doubt, an argument is not the angle he wants to reach for, a contest that he refuses to entertain. Instead, rather than loathe the ineffectiveness of his intimidating posture and presence, a loud huff rolls from his chest as his mask is dispelled, disguises of physical and immaterial natures dropping in their entirety to provide Broly with a closer look. An invaluable glimpse at a man with his walls lowered, worn exterior matching tumultuous interior as fangs protrude from beneath thinly pressed lips, eyes completely bloodshot and hollowed, the strain causing the dim lustre of his garnet hues brightening to a fiery scarlet as composure is sacrificed. He looked and felt spent, with further still to fall as he sunk haphazardly in his chair, wishing to be swallowed up by it.

"Pathetic? Perhaps. But accurate?" Palm moves to cover his searing eyes, head throbbing in acute discomfort as he took more notice of what his enhanced senses, largely ignored when not out in the field fighting, were reporting back to him. When he decided to speak again, it was through a murmur of pointed ivories, as he didn't care to concentrate on correcting hisown pronunciation any longer. "Yeah, that tracks. In more ways than one."

[galacticwildfire]

Fire Meet Gasoline | Poe Dameron

Six

Poe Dameron x Solo Original Character

Hope Solo’s haunted by the night the temple burned. Having gone rogue she hunts the First Order in search of answers until a fateful encounter with Poe Dameron brings her back to the Resistance and Leia puts her daughter under his command to find Luke Skywalker.

Word count: 8.4k

Tags/warnings: the beginnings of black squadron, snap being a big brother to hope and a simp for karé, jealous hope, mother-daughter issues, slightly jealous poe if you blink, snap being a wingman, hondo pointing out daddy issues, subsequent alcohol consumption, attempted assassination, violence, descriptions of blood and wounds, interrogation gone wrong, suicide to avoid capture, skywalker bullshit over authority, fighting and angst, poe realising leia warned him for a reason, moral dilemmas, mentions of anakin's crimes alongside padme's death

All my stories are written for adults with adult themes, I use tags but read at your discretion.

A/N: okay we're getting into it now, considering this story is going to be quite a long one I typically update on ao3 and wattpad before here.

~

~

~

Hope

When morning comes I'm feeling decidedly more at ease about what comes next, the weight on my shoulder's having lifted slightly, but only slightly.

My relationship with Mom... that's one issue that I don't know how to fix, but this mission is something I know I can pull off. I take my time getting ready considering the Commander will likely be presenting the report to Mom before doing anything else and run my fingers along the white combat suit that's remained untouched in my wardrobe since I ran off without thinking to get it. My staple piece I'd worn since sixteen that I'd once intended to incorporate into my own style of Jedi robe, but they've remained as they've been since I'd been given them by Dormé, only to be traded for smugglers clothes that resemble my father's too much for comfort. 

The tight fitting fabric's familiar beneath my fingers, holding the force signature of my grandmother since it had belonged to her first after all, tailored to meet my measurements like the duplicates that hang behind it. I never knew her, and yet her memory is one I've taken upon myself to protect. Bail and Breha's memory is protected fiercely by Mom, but I'm the only descendant of Padmé's that knows her story in its entirety. Right until the very end as I'd seen during my trip to Polis Massa so long ago in a vision. An image that still haunts me to this day and breaks my heart just as horribly. 

The reminder of what Anakin Skywalker became, a chill that's remained in my bones ever since witnessing it. I can laugh about what he became and mock it to pretend I don't care whenever it comes up with Mom, but that's only because she hasn't seen what I have. She's not haunted by the visions of the slaughter he committed in the temple, the violence against his own wife. 

A reminder of everything I could become as I've so frequently been reminded. 

But despite the violence Darth Vader inflicted upon my mother, she's still ignorant to the violence Anakin Skywalker committed before he ever ended up behind that mask. Ever since I was twelve I'd been compared to him by those who'd known him on Naboo, even my own mother from what little she knows of Anakin Skywalker from Shmi's holo journals has found the similarities. And so I know she'd be horrified if she knew the extent of what Anakin Skywalker had committed before he ever turned. 

For a long time I suppose Padme's clothes served as a reminder of that. That because of the darkside she never lived long enough to raise her own children or to pass the clothes I wear down to me by her own hand. Instead her sister and handmaidens gladly telling me they'd saved them these many years knowing someday they'd find their way into the right hands. A reminder to do right by her instead of taking after him.

It feels like a violation against her own memory to tread that path, as easy as it may feel despite knowing what waits at the end. Which is why I trade my smugglers clothes for the white jumpsuit. Exchanging the worn leather thigh holster in favour of the white embroidered in royal Naboo red with the symbol of the Rebellion, and now the Resistance. 

I have a choice to make now that this Commander's extended to me an opportunity to step up and take charge in a way that isn't destructive. I have the choice of whether to continue on as I have or to try to make Mom proud. To follow by the example of the women in the family rather than the men. 

And so I braid my hair back in a crown around my head, stopping to apply my eyeliner the same as usual, but a darker brown instead of black, before lacing my white boots. The platforms are certainly not regulation with the amount of extra inches they give me in height but I'm yet to have anyone try to tell me off for what I wear since they're more concerned with actual insubordination. Besides, I'd learned well how to fight in more absurd clothing.  

For the first time in a long time I find myself thinking of the life I'd once had on Naboo. The life it seems everyone believes I've been living for the past year. The morning walks to the university by the side of Sola's grandaughter, a girl who was the closest I've ever had to a sister. How I hated sitting through each lesson until I could finally attend physical training. The small group of us girls who closely resembled one another, chosen and placed in the training program under the assumption we would either be elected as royalty or to serve as handmaidens. The flights with the starfighter corps even if I was suspended more often than not. The long days spent out in the lake country wearing summer dresses and floating in the water, the one place I truly felt at peace in the force. 

Looking back I shouldn't have had a care in the world living in such a paradise, but I never appreciated it. It should have felt like home, but it never did without Ben and my parents. All I ever wanted to do was escape it to run to them. Little did I know how soon I'd lose what little stability I had and find myself aching for it now I have no family that I can call home. Naboo seems to be the closest thing to it I still have considering this base has never felt like home.

When I walk through its halls to the mess I'm not sure of whether to go see Mom. We haven't had a civil conversation since I arrived, and my promise to Lando weighs on my mind. Anxiousness quickly overcomes me as I enter the mess hall only to find all eyes on me and whispers following. I don't know who knows what about where I've been or what I've done, especially since so many faces are unfamiliar. Snap and Korrie know more of the truth than most, but the rest must believe I've been living in paradise while they've been working their asses off, and I can feel the disdain as I hover near the entrance looking for a half friendly face. 

"Hey," a voice suddenly says and I look to see Poe come to my side, seemingly unaware of the tension in the room. "I ran the plan by Leia and she liked your input."

"She did?" I repeat in surprise, caught off guard by him let alone the fact Mom's actually approved of something I've done. 

"Yeah," he says and feel his eyes quickly look me over, certainly noticing the difference in my appearance not I odn't look as if I've walked straight off Tatooine. He looks like he's about to make a comment, positive by the slightly flustered look he wears, ultimately deciding against it considering he should be trying to keep things half professional. But it's still enough to give me some satisfaction. "I was just going to get some breakfast and find you but since you're here want to grab some and take it to Leia's office so we can have her sign off on going to procure the ships you were talking about?"

"Yeah sure," I find myself saying, quite eager to get away from all the eyes on me and glance towards his face only to need to clear my throat. "I need caf."

"That makes two of us," he says with a pat on my shoulder that leaves me blinking in confusion as he goes to greet two other pilots. My eyes follow him until my heart stops momentarily at the sight of the girl only for me to shake my head with a wince. Upon second look the resemblance to Voe is less obvious, the contrast of their bronzed skin with the short blonde braids having been what made me panic, but it still leaves me feeling uneasy. It feels heartless to say I haven't thought about Voe in so long, but it's the truth. 

Of the friends I had at the temple, she wasn't one of them.

Upon a third look however I feel something else at the way she laughs with Poe. It's an utterly irrational feeling but still it's there and I wonder if I wasn't that appealing to him after all, rather just another potential conquest. After all, someone who looks like him would have no trouble with that.

"Well look who's still here," I hear Snap say as he comes to stand beside me, his eyes also on the blonde woman who looks to be in her late twenties. "Back in the battle armour I see."

I look at the silver arm bands and laugh lightly. "Well it feels as if I need it with everyone staring at me."

"You do realise it's because you have a lightsaber right?" he asks and I look down at my belt, having not even registered that fact. "And every single person who's new here has never seen a lightsaber let alone a Jedi."

"Huh," I say, taking another look around and rereading the room a little differently now, reluctantly admitting. "I hadn't thought of that."

Snap's probably one of the very few people on base that knows me well, who took me under his wing when the Resistance was formed, especially after Dad left. I've never really opened up to him or anyone, but he gets that and looks out for me which is something I appreciate, especially after being gone for so long. 

"Who are they?" I ask, nodding to the people Poe's speaking to as we head over to the caf machine, the one thing I'm glad for.

"Karé Kun," he says with a reverence that has me raising my eyebrows, the other man with them going utterly ignored in his eyes.

"Girlfriend?" I question and he just shakes his head to himself, his attention solely on her.

"I wish," he mumbles and I squint at him before snapping my fingers in front of his face, and he finally gets what I'm actually asking. "Oh, no, not his. Trust me, he seems to like the batshit crazy pilots and there's only two of those on base, and he's one of them."

I smile to myself a little now, realising Snap knows more than he's letting on I inquire "Is that so?"

"Oh yep," he says, shaking his head now as if something's funny. "He's an idiot, but he's a good one. He might look pretty but he's damn good at what he does, trusts the people he flies with and treats them with more respect than any commanding officer I had in the Navy that's for sure. I've done a couple missions with him over the past few months and there's no one I'd trust more to get me out of a tight spot. He's got the same ego as you that's for sure, but he's not an asshole."

I let out a short laugh. "And I am?"

"Sometimes," he admits and I can't really argue with that.

"Fair enough," I agree, almost a little bitter that my impression of him last night wasn't wrong, that he is a decent guy. But wanting to cover my ground I ask "So, does he try to ask every girl out he sees within five minutes of meeting them or am I the exception?"

Snap doesn't seem as surprised as he should be, meaning he definitely does know more than what he lets on. "Let's just say you left an impression on him in the field. I can't speak to what he was like in the Navy, but as far as his time here goes you're the exception. One thing I can say for certain is that I've never seen him like he was after he'd met you." 

Snap might be his wingman, but he's also known me longer so I can trust what he's telling me. Snap wouldn't stand up for a guy he thought had bad intentions, especially not when it comes to me. I find myself strangely warmed by his assurance as I glance over towards the Commander, chatting to his friends with a smile and speaking with his hands, utterly animated and as alive as I only manage to feel in a cockpit. 

Except for that moment we shared in the hangar.

"How old is he?" I ask and that's when Snap hesitates.

"Late twenties," he says and when I raise an eyebrow clarifies. "Twenty nine."

"Eh, what's that, nine years?" I dismiss, not overly caught up on that. "Not as bad as my parents."

But what does make me freeze is the realisation that I'm actually considering it, as if he hadn't blown me off right after figuring out who I was, and again I'm left with a bitter taste in my mouth.

"Speaking of which I saw Leia, she seemed like she was in a good mood," he mentions casually to reassure me as I survey the room with no sign of her. Not unusual since she spends most of her day in her office but maybe I'd hoped she'd seek me out as more than just a general. "There's a couple of younger people that have come to base while you've been gone." I take another look about the room and see a black haired girl who doesn't look much older than I am. "I helped Jess through her training, she's nice. Seem's like your type of person."

"My type of person?" I repeat as Poe comes over, more cheery than any person should be in the morning and immediately I put an extra shot of caf into my drink. After operating on my own schedule for so long it seems I'm in for a rude awakening and his presence is another unexpected variable to consider.

"Ready to go see Leia?"

"Not really but let's go," I answer reluctantly, knowing I'll probably be glad for a witness as I walk a little more slowly than necessary down the halls. He doesn't attempt small talk thankfully and gets to the mission.

"So, where are you planning on getting ships from?" he asks and I'm glad to at least have some control over things, especially since I can tell it's a conscious effort on his part to have me this involved.

"Batuu," I answer. "Worked for a guy who owns a shipping company there."

He nods slowly, clearly aware shipping company is a common cover for smuggling operation, but doesn't second guess me and gets to logistics. "We'll need to have them transferred to the Echo of Hope to run any maintenance and then we can hammer out the most important part which is how we're going to get on board."

I nod in agreement but my throat's tight and my mind anywhere but on what he's saying as we enter Mom's office after I'd stormed out yesterday. She invites us to sit and gets straight to business. 

"I was impressed with the plan Commander Dameron presented, he noted your contributions to the risk assessment and how to prepare for those risks," she starts and asks "He mentioned you would take care of procuring the ships you need for the mission?"

"Yeah," I say and don't give more information than I have to but she still inquires.

"Where from?"

"A shipping company who owes me a favour," I answer and because I don't want to elaborate she turns to Poe.

"Can you accompany her please to ensure everything goes smoothly?"

He briefly looks at me but finding I don't quite have it in me to argue he agrees. "I can do that."

Silence permeates the room before she asks "Commander could you give us a moment please?" 

He nods before leaving and closes the door, it's silent for a moment longer before she says "I have every faith you will pull off this mission."

"Well I'm dead if I don't," I remark, her having said in no uncertain terms how dangerous this is, and she grimaces at the tension between us.

"I know you aren't happy, but this is a step towards remedying some things," she explains gently. "To prove to command you aren't just capable in the field, but strategically competent enough to do these missions by the book with the reports and the rest. Something that is required to move up through the ranks. To show that your missions aren't pure improvisation and that you are mitigating the risks, which you have done."

Her praise should be welcome, but it feels hollow when the only interactions I've had with her have been from across a desk. I don't want praise from my general, I want my mom. Lando promised her, her warmth, her reassuring words that everything would be alright. Not a general's tactical words and praise mixed with criticisms and lessons.

"Yeah," I nod, my throat too tight to manage words, a stark contrast to yesterday. I'd been convinced I'd take off and not look back, that I wouldn't have to sit and deal with the aftermath of my words.

But here I am. 

Her expression is heavy as she continues "If you don't feel like speaking to me that's fine, as long as you act sensibly-"

"I can't remember the last time you talked to me as my mom instead of my general," I manage to force out, my voice weaker than I'd like it to be. "I thought from what Lando said I'd be coming home to the former but it seems I was wrong."

"Hope," she says sadly. "I- I know that what I'd said about learning the difference hurt you-"

"It did," I finally admit to her. "Because you're all I have left Mom, and if I don't have you then I don't have anyone except for R2."

There's a type of loneliness that comes from being separated from those you love, but it's a different hell sitting across from them and feeling as if there are galaxies between you. 

"For the last year I haven't had a child to parent," she says bluntly but there's remorse in her voice. "Forgive me for struggling to reconcile the two."

She sees it in my eyes, the flight, but before I can even move to leave my seat she reaches across the table for my hand and this time I let her take it. 

"I am your mother, but I have to be more than that. Hope, you know this isn't the life I wanted, if anything this is the life you jumped at before we even knew what we were fighting," she reminds me. "You know I wanted to retire before that last scandal but you and I both know neither of us are physically able to walk away from this threat-"

"You mean your son and the monster who groomed him?" I correct since it's just us and she struggles to keep her face neutral. "Mom, you don't have to separate yourself from being our parent to do your duty to the galaxy, you don't have to pretend your child isn't on the opposite side of this war."

"I have to," she says regretfully.

"Well I can't," I fire back and again there's that wall between us we can never truly break down. For her this fight is duty, but for me it's something else entirely, and we both know it. "Don't worry, I'll get whatever intelligence is on that ship."

But as I stand to leave she warns "And I want it returned to this base. If you take off with whatever is on that ship I will send Commander Dameron and Captain Wexley to drag you back to be court-martialled."

Her threat stuns me considering how gentle her voice was a moment ago, but when I meet her eye I realise she knows me too well. She's my mother, of course she should, but it feels as if I hardly know myself anymore. Except she was the one who forced me into a profession that taught me the importance of finding loopholes.

"It will be returned," I state before opening the door and Poe jumps at the haste in which I walk out into the hall and order him. "My ship. Now. We're leaving and heading straight to Batuu and then to the Echo of Hope. Get whatever you need because we won't be returning until the mission is complete."

He blinks in surprise at being given orders but it too taken aback to do anything but raise his hands in his defence as he follows me, but doesn't shy from a whistle. "Alright princess, do I have time to get my droid before we take off?"

"I like the droid," I say, knowing I'm not harsh enough to abandon the little BB unit without explanation. "Speaking of which have you seen mine?"

R2 better not even think about pulling another disappearing stunt now of all times.

"No," he says and after a moment of hesitation asks "You seen mine?"

We stop in the hallway, sharing a look of mutual confusion mixed with alarm at having lost out droids and he scratches his head before following me to the hanger.

"R2!" I call loudly, not wanting to have to search the entirety of the base twice over again only to walk past Threepio on his way from command. "Threepio, what have you done with my droid?"

"I beg your pardon!" he exclaims. "What have I said about manners?"

"Threepio," I warn. "If R2's decided to go rogue on me-"

"Well I do I wonder where he learned that from," Threepio chides and I actually scoff at the protocol droids audacity. "I wish you luck Commander Dameron, statistically speaking you're going to need it."

My mouth falls open as Threepio walks past us and Poe Dameron doesn't look sure whether to laugh or be offended on my behalf, a quick study of my face has him choosing the latter.

"I've never heard Threepio sound so..."

"Sarcastic."

"You know what they say, owners leave an impression on their droids," he tries to reason but quickly clears his throat. "Let's find ours."

In a much more urgent mood to leave base I march into the hanger only to stop when I find R2 and BB-8 chatting happily by my ship. The younger droid beeps excitedly at the sight of his owner and rolls over, trying to fill Poe in on one of the tales R2's regaled him with before chirping at me in an almost equal excitement. People may dislike me, but at least droids seem to take a liking to me. Aside from Threepio, although he has his reasons.

"Hey buddy, ready to go on a mission?" Poe asks his droid, squatting down to rub the droids stomach, or rather what could be classed as a stomach. 

R2 beeps at me in question at the company, considering in all the missions we've performed we've never done any with another pilot unless it's been running planetary defence drills. 

"Don't get too excited, we're going to Batuu to pick up some ships," I tell R2 and look at Poe. "Ready?"

He gives a nod and follows me onboard my transport along with his droid, and I honestly can't remember the last time I had another person inside this ship. Probably Mom at some point or another in the time before I left base, but other than that my mind's blank. 

"This is the Shiraya," I say as we step inside. "Fastest civilian transport in the galaxy and heavily armoured with laser cannons fitted at the back that you can access via the gunners seat along with automatic laser cannons and concussion missiles above the cockpit."

He's mildly alarmed I'm describing the armaments before anything else. "Expecting trouble?"

"No but it's best to be prepared for it," I say knowing it has a habit of finding me. "The First Order's identified my N-1 but this ship should be off the New Republic and the First Order's radars."

"Should be?"

"With the modified hyperdrive and sublight thrusters It's faster than most ships in the galaxy so I'm not exactly worried," I dismiss as we reach the cockpit. It was technically designed during manufacturing to seat a co-pilot but I've only ever flown it myself. "It's served me well that's for sure."

I find my way to my seat and he sits down beside me in the co-pilots seat, somehow the metre between us not being quite enough. "You know your stuff."

"I do," I state factually an this cockpit with a guy who's face I can't even look at without getting flustered. 

He nods along, looking like he has questions on his mind but keeps them in as he asks "So Batuu, it's Outer Rim's right?"

"Technically," I answer. "It's commonly known as the last stop before the Unknown Regions."

"Ah," he says as it comes to him. "You ever been out there?"

"Batuu?"

"The Unknown Regions," he clarifies and while I'm mildly annoyed this won't be a quiet trip the curiosity in his voice may override it. 

"Not as far as I'd like," I admit, I could leave it there but it is a long enough trip even with the hyperdrive. "I'd gone searching for Jedi temples not too long ago, found some ruins but little else."

"I thought the only temples were on Coruscant and Ossus," he says and I feel his hesitation at treading there which tells me enough about what he's heard. 

"The temple on Coruscant was in use for the last few millennia but before that Jedi were somewhat more scattered, living on planets that had a strong natural connection to the force rather than the core worlds," I explain before sighing "Then the Emperor turned the temple into his own personal palace. Scholars have done some work to restore it along with what survived of the archives but it's not like it will ever be the same."

He nods slowly and asks "So that-" he looks at my saber. "That's your lightsaber?"

"A torch," I answer reflexively, that being the answer I've given to just about anyone who's asked that question in the last four years. It started as a lie to get past security while still armed and out of concern for my own security, but it's turned into a little self satisfying joke since. He seems to miss it by the perplexed look on his face and I clarify. "It's a joke."

"Oh," he says and only then do I realise how purely nervous he seems to be, my presence is the only explanation for it but I'm almost hesitant to know what part of that has him like this. I'm especially hesitant to learn if it's a good or bad kind of anxiousness. "So, how does that work? I mean lightsabers, do you make them yourself?" He must see the confused look I wear from all the questions and he's quickly backtracks. "If it's alright asking?"

His jittery curiosity is almost endearing. It brings me back to when I'd begun school on Naboo and the girls in my classes began to learn about my other education. It's certainly a type of awestruck curiosity I haven't experienced since the galaxy learned truth about where those abilities came from. Back when I was the niece of the beloved Jedi Luke Skywalker and not the spawn of Darth Vader.

"Yeah um- I made it myself," I answer, while people like Snap have asked the odd questions no one's ever gotten technical with them. "It's a right of passage in a Jedi's training to construct your own saber. I suppose like it's a right of passage for a pilot to customise and modify their own ship to their specific requirements."

 "Huh," he says, visibly making the connection between those examples until his train of thought takes him elsewhere. "Speaking of ships, what sort of starfighters do you think you could pick up? I was thinking something along the lines of Z-95's."

"You're looking for starfighters without astromech pods?" I gather and he nods as both the droids immediately begin to voice their objections.

"The plan I've got in mind would mean ditching the ships and anything in it completely," he explains to them, although seems hesitant to elaborate as he looks at me. "It's a crazy plan, so if you have any alternatives feel free to interject."

"Sounds right up my ally then," I decide, wanting to see if his crazy is my sort of crazy. "Go on."

"We'll need EVA suits," he begins and I tilt my head to the side.

"EVA suits? We wouldn't need those unless-" I squint at him now as I begin to realise he might not be exaggerating. "Unless we're in the vacuum of space."

He leans forward with his elbows on his knees, a spark of excitement in his eyes, talking with his hands as he starts explaining. "We'll have to wait in the system for them to come out of hyperspace, and the moment they do we hit them with concussion missiles which is easy enough but it's what comes next that's gonna be crucial. We'll set the ships to autopilot as we get in range of the belly of the yacht since according to schematics our best chance at breaking in through the access port."

"I've got a lightsaber, I can cut through anything within a certain thickness," I add and he looks a bit too excited at that suggestion before dismissing it.

"I like your thinking but we'll need to reseal the access port so nothing goes wrong when we jump to hyperspace," he says as he goes on. "When we get to the right velocity and the right distance we'll eject, the momentum will hurl us towards the yacht so we can make direct contact. We'll have maneuvering jets on the spacesuits to help us get to where we need to be and to decelerate us enough that we aren't crushed by the impact when we collide with the yacht. When we get to the access port I'll use a fusion torch to break the seals, it might be tricky doing that in space while hanging off the side of the ship but between the two of us I'm sure we'll make it work. We break in and reseal the port as we make our way inside. As long as we can get onboard without getting ourselves killed then that's half the work done. After that it's just getting to the cockpit, putting them on the escape pods and rebooting everything to jump to hyperspace before the eight minutes is up."

I find myself slowly blinking at him at the realisation that Snap was actually understating things when he referred to us as the two batshit crazy pilots on base. Having the force I feel quite safe at the thought of pulling it off since I could logically slow myself down enough that a collision wouldn't kill me, but he has more guts than anyone I've ever met to try to pull that off midspace without it and my mouth curls into a grin.

"I'm in." His grin matches mine now and I'll assure him. "I'll take care of getting those starfighters."

"We'll also need disks with the pre-programmed hyperspace coordinates for the jump since we won't have the droids with us," he adds and only then do we pay attention to the beeps of pure alarm from each of them at our plan.

"R2 I know exactly what you were doing in the Clone Wars so don't try to pull that with me," I remind him and he quickly shuts up while Poe looks between us in alarm. "I'll be just fine."

While R2 tries to object to prioritise my safety he knows what to expect of me by now so that's that, but BB-8 is far more upset at the thought of Poe going without him despite his attempts of reassurance.

"Look buddy, I'm going to be alright I swear," he tries to assure his droid until I intervene.

"How about you take him into the main cabin and go over schematics so he feels better while I make a list of what I'll need to get on Batuu," I suggest, genuinely wanting to figure that out but also not wanting this conversation to get any more personal considering we still have a while left until we reach Batuu. "If you think of anything else we need to go over come and get me."

He gives a nod of approval as he stands up, checking off whatever items he's thinking of on his fingers. "EVA suits and timers we can get from the Echo of Hope, they'll have the concussion missiles we can fit to the starfighters along with the disks to preprogram the jumps to lightspeed. So it should just be the ships and whatever else you think you'll need."

I nod back and look up to inadvertently meet his eye, again not sure quite what I see in it, but for some reason the thought to not trust him hasn't once occurred to me. In the Outer Rims all I've done is be on my guard, and perhaps I still am with him, but not because I don't trust him to be my partner for this mission. No, for far less professional reasons. 

I'm clearing my throat more loudly than I'd anticipated before asking "Is that all Commander?"

"Yep, I'll um- I'll let you pilot," he says awkwardly before heading out into the main cabin. My eyes follow him out, finding only conflict when I search my feelings, blockages. He's all but a stranger, a handsome one but still, my instincts tell me to trust him despite experience telling me otherwise. An instinct that's very rare.

But I'm no stranger to ignoring my instincts. 

He might look at me like he does now, he might be curious to know me, but I know better than anyone how quickly wide eyed curiosity and warmth turns to something cold, hurtful. For a person you trusted, a person who'd held you through uncertain nights and laughed with you, to turn around and look at you like a monster, to call you as much while looking you in the eye.

That is something I have no intention of putting myself in a situation to relive. I can't control what people believe, but I can control if I let them close enough for it to hurt me. 

~

Poe Dameron returns to the cockpit as we approach Batuu, a hand on the back of my chair as he peers out at the planet. Murmuring to himself as he tries to piece something together.

"Batuu, Black Spire Outpost is located here isn't it?" he asks and I press my lips together, realising he might be slightly more in tune with the criminal operations in the Outer Rims than I'd gathered by the way he says its name. Being a Naval commander chances are he's run patrols nearby trying to intercept shipments. 

"Yep," I confirm and he tries to hide his mild alarm. "Don't worry, the guy who runs the place is a friend of mine."

I can't quite read the tone of his voice as he repeats "Friend?"

"Friend," I answer a little awkwardly, not knowing if I'd call Hondo that. "Or rather an old friend of the family."

I don't know if that relieves him or makes him more concerned as we enter the atmosphere and I pilot us down to the port at Blackspire Outpost, this time R2 doesn't even complain. I double check my weapons are secure as we step out into the small city that always seems to be growing. It takes its people a second to recognise me when I'm not dressed like a smuggler but they give a nod of respect as we make our way through the streets.

The sun shines down on us, reflecting off my metal armbands but also casting a glow upon his tan chest, exposed from the open collar of his shirt, there's a glint and I notice a silver chain around his neck. Quickly I turn my head before he can catch my eyes lingering and start talking to distract both of us.

"Along with smugglers and explorers passing through people have been coming here from the border regions seeking refuge from the First Order's expansion," I explain to Poe as our droids follow not far behind us. "I've heard their stories and it's nothing good, so they've come to the furthest place possible."

He shakes his head, expression one of disbelief. "I don't get why the Republic won't take in refugees from those regions. Politics isn't my thing, but I just can't understand why."

"Because for them to be classified as refugees the Republic would have the admit the First Order is something people should be running from, instead of continuing to pretend they can co-exist," I answer but upon feeling his barely repressed frustration try to assure him. "I've managed to set up a network for refugees to be able to settle on Naboo, it's off the Republic's radar."

He stills then a little as he turns his head in surprise, pleasant thankfully. "Does Leia know?"

"She hasn't asked what I've done, only criticised me for the things she knows about," I answer bluntly as we find our way to Ohnaka Trade Solutions. 

He tries to be the voice of reason. "If you talked to her-"

"I have, it doesn't end well," I say shortly and cut him off from trying to mediate. "This is it."

We head into Hondo's base and find him as usual, with his feet kicked up on the table, a cup of something in one hand and a cigar in the other.

"Solo!" he calls out, laughing gleefully. "Back already! Tell me, do you have the Falcon?"

"No, the Irving Boys beat me to it," I inform him as he gets to his feet. "Although if you had any tips on their whereabouts it would be welcome."

Poe lingers behind me now and I look back to see him blinking in disbelief as his eyes dart between me and Hondo, clearly aware of the infamous pirate. 

"Unfortunately I do not, but I will ask around so I can beat you to stealing it back," he says as I roll my eyes and he takes me in. "Look at that, you can dress like a lady after all. For a moment I thought the late Senator Amidala had walked in. She was quite the figure to watch, it's no wonder that Skywalker boy abandoned the code."

I make a face as I try to unpack the layers to that and he looks behind me in intrigue. 

"Oooh a friend?" Hondo says and I immediately sigh as he points out. "A male friend."

Poe steps forward then and I make the introduction, keeping details as vague as possible. "Poe this is Hondo Ohanaka, Hondo this is Poe. He's tagging along with me on a job."

I don't know precisely how much I trust Hondo. I've found he isn't as bad as what Dad and Lando would reminisce but I know he does treat me differently in memory of the Jedi that he had been fond of. Still, he doesn't need to know this job is a Resistance mission.

"Fair, fair," he says guiding us over to the table and leans in to whisper to me. "Although I must say I do have concerns about the fact the pretty boy dresses like your father."

Poe's enough out of earshot he looks confused by whatever expression must cross my face and I point a finger at Hondo. "You owe me a drink for that."

"Fine, fine," he agrees and I motion for Poe to sit down beside me. "So this is a business call I take it."

"Considering you run a perfectly legitimate transport company," I begin, getting straight to the point. "I need two Z-95's that can be fitted with concussion missiles and are reliable in a skirmish."

I reach across the table to pour myself a drink, skulling the cup before looking at Poe and finding him rather uncomfortable with this situation, but not as out of place as I would have assumed he would be. He meets my eyes for just a moment and mouths Hondo's name to me in disbelief and I give a shrug in return, smiling to myself behind my cup. 

"I can do that," Hondo finally says and moves to negotiating. "That will cost you-"

"Nothing, considering it a downpayment for those credits you still owe me."

"Oh no, no-" he says. "I am still waiting on a buyer and we settled on fifteen percent-"

"Twenty five remember?" I remind him as Poe shifts beside me. "So, I'll take the Z-95's at no cost and we can bring that number down to five percent." Hondo begins contemplating it. "Or I could just steal the ships and the crystal and find my own buyer?"

Hondo shakes his finger. "It is lucky I like you Solo, I will accept your offer on one term."

"Which is?" Poe asks, wanting to have some hand in the negotiation.

Hondo leans forward now and tells us "Local bartender says he's had officials sniffing around, smelling like Imperial scum."

"First Order?" Poe questions as I tilt my head in intrigue. 

"My guess is as good as yours," Hondo says and that's enough for me.

"Consider it done," I say immediately as I get to my feet and tell Poe. "Organise logistics, I'll be back."

But he follows me out of the building in a panic. "Solo, the General was clear that-"

"I don't care what the General said," I say blunty as R2 follows, knowing the drill by now. "You take care of the mission, let me handle the rest."

But he grabs my wrist and I look back at him with as he tries to order me "No, you are going to organise logistics while I see what I can find out."

"Excuse me?" I question with a laugh. "Are you seriously giving me orders?"

He pushes aside his frustration to try to reason with me. "I've let you handle that part of this mission but you're under my command and it's my responsibility to-"

"Let me?" I repeat back to him and pull me wrist free to point my forefinger at him as I make clear. "You do not let me do anything. The only reason I'm co-operating with you is because I want to. So either you do as I tell you to do or I go and get whatever data is on that ship myself."

He shakes his head now with a clenched jaw and I find myself holding his eyes with no difficulty as he challenges "You want to be difficult? Fine. You can be as difficult as you want princess but I'll be difficult as well."

"Oh really?" I laugh since he doesn't know the half of it.

"Really," he says but just as he takes a step towards me I'm dodging a blaster shot as Poe swears loudly and tries to pull me behind cover but in a split second I've pulled my blaster free and fired blindly at the attacker, hearing a body collide with the side of the cantina and look to find a uniformed man clutching his shoulder.

"Hope!" Poe yells as I storm over, pulling me saber free and igniting it as I pull the man to hit feet by his collar, ignoring his cry of pain as I bring my saber to his neck.

"I surrender!" he yells as if that has any meaning to me as I slam him back against the wall, his head hitting the stone surface as he throws his blaster away and raises his hands. "You cannot kill an unarmed man."

"Hasn't stopped me before," I state as his eyes widen, there's nothing to mark him as First Order but I know the tell-tale signs by now, clearly a newer agent who thought that taking a shot at me would work in his favour. Realise the opportunity I have I know I can't let it slip between my fingers, but there's only one question I want answers to. "So how about this? If you want to live you can tell me where Kylo Ren is stationed."

"Solo!" Poe warns, no doubt remembering the orders regarding interrogations but I ignore him. 

"I- I don't know," he stammers and in response I dig the blaster in my other hand right into the wound in his shoulder until he screams. "Finalizer- Finalizer!"

"Hope!" Poe yells harshly enough I'm almost stunned as he physically rips me off the agent and tosses me to the side, taking a gentler but firm approach as he grasps the man by his uninjured shoulder. He looks back at me with my ignited saber still in hand, shaking his head in disappointed disbelief before asking the man "Why did you shoot at us?"

"Her, I shot at her," he clarifies, looking straight at me as R2 stands in front of me to try to block me from attacking him while Poe looks between him and I in panic but I have the information I've spent years searching for. "If I killed the last Jedi I'd stand higher than Hux."

Ambition.

I use the force to bring his blaster to my hand and both him and Poe watch on in varying states of alarm as I step closer.

"Solo," Poe warns and raises a hand to keep me back while keeping the agent pinned to the wall. 

"So, you're stationed onboard General Hux's flagship, the Finaliser," I put together as he winces. "A low ranking ambitious agent but ultimately pretty damn stupid to take a shot at me and blow your cover."

"You were off guard-" he argues, trying to save his pride.

"People have been taking shots at me since I was sixteen, you should know better," I lecture, disappointed almost that this is what the First Order's putting in the field. "And Kylo Ren is stationed onboard the same ship as you are." He swallows then in fear. "Do you think he's more likely to praise you or kill you for taking a shot at me if we let you go?"

"I-" he stammers in confusion at the question, which means his true identity is still unknown to the First Order. "What?"

Poe wears a similar look of perlexion at my questioning but doesn't intervene as I continue "I can assure you that when you return to that base he will cut you down without mercy after torturing you to find out just what I've said now."

He squirms now with tears in his eyes, his fear only confirming my own theories about what my brother's become. 

"Or," I begin, very aware that Poe will most certainly report this incident. "You can tell me everything you know and I will ensure you are safe from them."

Poe finally begins to ease, but the man doesn't. "I've heard what they call you, Jedi Killer. There is no mercy."

He takes advantage of Poe's loosened grip to reach into his pocket and before either of us can react he's bitten down on a device that's too familiar and we jump back as he hits the ground, convulsing before going cold.

"Fuck," I breathe whilst Poe struggles to even look at the body, pale as he brings shaking hands up behind his head, murmuring similar curses under his breath. 

A crowd's gathered around now and I bend down to examine the body of the blonde haired man, searching his pockets for identification or anything else I could use to gather intelligence until Poe raps out "What are you doing?"

"Looking for anything of value," I state factually but he grabs my wrist to pull me upright and I stare at him in disbelief at the horrified look he wears. "What?"

"Are you serious?" he asks me, shaking his head. "The hell was that?"

Feeling like I'm about to hear my mother's words come out of his mouth I jump to my defence. "He killed himself-"

"Before that!" he yells as I pull my wrist free. "That was an unarmed soldier and you-" He can't even finish and just motions to the blaster wound, but I know the part he's specifically referring to.

"You need to grow a damn backbone if you think what I just did was unjustified," I spit back at him. "He took a shot at me and I had every right to kill him but I didn't!"

"Because you were interrogating him with a lightsaber and-" he looks at my blaster and I see the blood at it's nuzzle from pushing it into the wound, having broken through the cauterised flesh. "You know what, I see exactly what Leia meant now when she warned me against working with you."

I laugh now, a little dangerously. "Are you serious?"

"I am," he says as the droids try and fail to intervene. "You were specifically ordered not to-"

"I don't care what I was ordered to not do!" I yell, wondering when he's going to get that. "If you haven't noticed my mission is very different to yours and I am the only one trying to get the intel we need and actually act on it!"

"Your mission was to acquire ships, not interrogate a surrendering spy who killed himself before you could!"

"I was going to let him go! I was going to help him!" I yell right back. "And if you want to throw blame around then fine since you were the one who gave him the chance to do it because you were too busy trying to play the good guy!"

At that he turns his head, trying to compose himself before looking back at me and I finally see it. The look. Although sooner than I'd anticipated and his voice is hoarse "I'm not arguing while standing over a dead body. Get whatever the hell you need while I sort out those ships and then we're meeting back at the Echo of Hope. I'll find my own way there with the ships."

"Fine by me Commander," I say and he storms off without another word to me and I'm struggling to keep my own composure I look to one of Hondo's men. "Move the body to somewhere I can examine it privately and find the transport he arrived on."

"Yes Princess," he answers, calling me that far more respectfully than Poe did and with that I go to get what I need. The booster cables and a separate disk to make a copy of the intelligence from the yacht before giving the damn thing over to the Resistance. 

I am getting whatever is on that damn yacht with or without him. I know where Ben is stationed, and if I can find what system the Finalizer frequents then I'm one step closer to ending all of this. 

But as I look down at the blood staining the white fabric I wear, my blaster having brushed against it, a heaviness settles over me at the realisation I couldn't even make it one single day without giving into that anger. Even worse, my attempt at being better still ended the same as my last cursed mission.

In violence.

Jedi Killer that agent called me, maybe I haven't killed any Jedi, but I've sure as hell butchered their legacy. 

Tags: @arrthurpendragon

[misscammiedawn]

Papyrus (Is "The Garden" on that playlist?)

papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?

CW: Discussion of severe mental illness and suicide.

I had my "mental illness indie playlist" on and for the record Pills & Good Advice by Left At London (her gosh darn magnum opus to living with a SPMI) is the song that came up.

This is legitimately one of my favorite songs of all time and helped me a ton during the worst portions of second puberty when our BPD symptoms were off the charts. Left at London does amazing music ranging from talking about the 2020 social unrest which includes the refrain "Fuck you and the slavers that you work for" or finding joy within having a dissociative disorder or the terror of discovering one. As well as one of the most uncomfortably accurate songs about Disorganized/Insecure Attachment in BPD (the Patreon only edit even including a voice mail that ripped my heart to shreds the first time I heard it.) and a break-up song that includes a lyric that takes me out every time I hear it:

And if falling in love is all that it takes To make you love the world You’ll be bitter when they go Because even infinity in its entirety Still can turn to nothingness When it's multiplied by zero

But let's talk about the song which actually showed up on my random, Pills & Good Advice.

The song is built upon Nat's experiences from being released from a mental care facility after a suicide attempt and the fear and insecurity of being released into the world with nothing but medication and doctors recommendations to keep her from trying to kill herself again.

On my first day out My familiar town Felt the same as in my dreams Crying in my sleep When the sun came down Thinking "I am cured, it seems" But I don't know my name at all But what else is new? Should I show my pain at all? If you only knew You could try to help Care is imprecise All that I have left: Pills and good advice

Each verse of the song fluctuates between moods and depictions of chronic mental illness from the bridge having rapid voices displaying her impulses to experience a high to escape the pain of existing versus the desperate desire to stay the course and get better and mirrored refrains of "Please hold me down" symbolizing both a self-destructive impulse to die and a terror; begging their partner to kill or save her.

The song includes depictions of Identity Disturbance, a BPD symptom where those suffering lack a stable sense of identity and require an external source to mirror and receive acknowledgement from; Nat sings on multiple occasions about not knowing who she is and viewing her support in this crisis as her "mirror". I imagine imposter syndrome for Nat's music/poetry may be invading some lines such as "I'm plagarizing everything, stuttering solioquies (who am I again?)"

The song is set in 3 parts with the third part being a descent where the line (Higher) is repeated after every line and Nat struggles with her suicidal impulses, concluding:

Spend too many of my minutes getting higher (Higher) I've attempted way too much to even count (Higher) I've been committed, but committed to the people that I love And if I try to love myself, I guess that I could live forever crying

Knowing the sickness is a part of her but she doesn't want to die, even if she wants to die; she cares too much about the people in her life (the committed/committed line is actually genius and one of my favorite in all of her discography) and the best thing she can do is commit to loving herself and continuing along with life in spite of the pain inflicted by her illness.

The ending is ambiguous to my ears and /@/ isn't popular enough for me to see a lot of discussion on interpretations.

But on my last day out Let me scream to God, Family, friends, and enemies "So what happens next? Is this what you want? All I am is dead to me" So I can't hear my voice at all What was I to do? Did I have a choice at all? Seems I never do You could try to help Care is imprecise All that I'd have left: Pills and good advice I could try to heal Care is imprecise All that you'd have left: Pills and good advice

On one hand, I view the song as a positive rally into accepting that SPMI are as the letters describe "Severe Persistent Mental Illness", fuck knows I've lived with the weight of those letters on my medical records. It doesn't go away. You just have to learn to live with it. To enjoy the joys before the despairs.

I chose to believe those last lines are saying that other people could try to help but in the end all the sufferer has is medication and therapy techniques, change must come from within and that to live with someone who suffers will cause pain too and all the person helping can do is receive the same level in care in return.

"You could try to help" vs "I could try to heal" with all that I/you having left being Pills and Good Advice.

But in my darker days I focus on the "on my last day out" and how the singer bemoans never really having a choice and all their work in staying clean being for nothing. In that read, I worry that the final lines are the singer giving in to their symptoms and attempting to kill themselves again, with the final line being less of a "we can get better together" and more of a "I know this will hurt you, have you considered seeking psychological help?"

I prefer my positive spin on it but that may be optimism winning out.

Either way, the song is fantastic and deeply personal in a way I almost feel like I'm intruding to hear at times.

Suicide is a topic of massive importance to me; it is also my number one emotional trigger. For the past few months I've had a draft I've been toying on about how I feel it should be discussed and ironically I am terrified to post it because of how sensitive the topic is. It's really hard to put yourself out there.

I admire this work of art because it really tries its absolute hardest to share a perspective of what it's like to be living with these conditions and feeling like no matter how much you reach out to other people, they can't truly help in the ways that you need. It's a song about terror, it's a song about healing and my god I hope it's a song about growth.

But it may just be a song about cycles.

[rimeiii]

People were posting resemblances between the different representations of the WHB demons in other media a while back and let me introduce to you the fucker (affectionate) that is GBF Belial. And I implore you to search up Parade's Lust and listen to the song in its entirety. It's a great song and encapsulates Belial perfectly (though I still greatly prefer Paradise Lost over it).

Dude's literally one of my faves in GBF despite him being an antagonist, it's just his raid battle is annoying. And this may have been a snippet from a convo back when his raid first dropped but our sentiments regarding said raid battle remains the same.

Also am I the only one who finds it so unbelievably weird that WHB's Beelzebub has had no overt references to his title as the Lord of the Flies (unless I'm missing something)? One of SMT's renditions of Bubs is a giant fly, and even GBF's has a skill called 'Black Flies' in his raid...

As an aside I love how the Belial trailer in GBVS has a clip of him getting his ass handed to him by Bubs. It really reflects their current relationship; they were forced allies back in What Makes the Sky Blue 2: Paradise Lost, with Belial still being wholly loyal to Lucilius, whose goals (return the world to nothing) are at ends with Beelzebub's goals (take over the entire world).

Also no mention of the entire Fallen race in SMT? They're all demons from the Ars Goetia, and the way some of these demons are so different is quite intriguing I'm ngl. Off the top of my head:

Naberius, or Nebiros, is a necromancer who has one of the most bullshit mechanics in Devil Survivor 2, where he'll continuously revive himself in the place of any living demon teams. In the SMT multiverse, he, with Belial, is responsible for turning Alice into a Fiend by infusing her with demonic magic, causing the human to be driven insane before dying and finally becoming the Fiend she is known for today. All because she wanted to have friends.

Belial is also in SMT! And is so fucking annoying to deal with in Devil Survivor, because he has an NPC stuck in a ring of fire that you have to heal continuously, because she takes damage every turn and her dying is a lose condition. He is a participant of the War of Bel, an ongoing war between the Bel demons to prove themselves worthy to Babel, making them the King of Bel and by extension the king of the demons. He fights the MC as he is the reincarnation of Abel and also part of the War after slaying Beldr. Another fun fact about Belial and Nebiros: in at least one SMT title, the fusion recipe for Alice is Nebiros and Belial, referencing their role in turning Alice into the Fiend we know today.

Eligos, or Eligor, is often an early to midgame demon who specializes in physical skills. He often takes the form of an armored humanoid riding a horse.

Dantalian, or Dantalion, is portrayed as a scholar with many heads, holding a large book. Oftentimes a magic-oriented demon.

Astaroth carried me in midgame SMT Devil Survivor as an early Tyrant demon aha. MP recovery is always nice lmao. He's depicted as a naked, blonde man riding a giant snake.

Morax, in Strange Journey, is the boss of Sector Antlia, the first dungeon of the game. He has a skill called Gehenna, which is a partywide chance to inflict Fear. He's easy as long as you can use ice magic - I fused Apsaras and had other Law demons like Archangel or Hamsa for co-op attacks. Depicted as a humanoid with a bull for a head, he believes humanity's true nature is one of eternal conflict and conquest, reflected in how the latter half of Antlia is a war-torn battlefield.

For the demon kings in SMT, given their associations with the Seven Deadly Sins, they do have their own depictions. The two that I'm most familiar with (and has the largest roles across multiple entries) are Satan and Beelzebub - the latter of which I briefly touched upon earlier. So let's talk Satan first!

Satan, in the SMT multiverse, is on the side of Law, the side associated with angels. As a result, he and Lucifer (the usual Chaos route representative) absolutely detest each other. This is particularly obvious in SMT 2, where he is YHVH's right-hand man and a foe in the Chaos and Neutral routes. Interesting to note is that he betrays YHVH upon realizing His machinations wiped out all life on Earth, which happens on the Law path.

Yeah, the SMT multiverse is kinda fucked up like that. There's a reason why I'm a Neutral route truther, apart from certain endings (like the new Strange Journey Redux endings for all routes).

As for Beelzebub, one of his most relevant roles is as a participant of the War of Bel in Devil Survivor, in which Belial is also a participant. He has a special attack that inflicts the Egg ailment - a ticking time bomb that goes off after one turn, inflicting heavy Almighty damage to the victim and spawning a team of maggot flies right beside the team with the victim. Bring your ailment clears!

As for the angels, apart from the standard SMT fare of Archangels where they're loyal to YHVH's will (although at least once Gabriel isn't as blindly loyal to YHVH as the rest, like in SMT 2), GBF has the Four Primarchs!

Gabriel is the Primarch of water. Kind-hearted and motherly, yet deceptively smart - she destroyed her own wings in What Makes the Sky Blue so her powers cannot be used by the event's antagonist, Sandalphon, to destroy the world.

Michael is the Primarch of fire. A tactician, fierce in battle, and a commander, her close association with combat meant that she had the most trouble adjusting to a peaceful life after the events of What Makes the Sky Blue 3: 000. She tried her hand in acting and is decent enough at it actually!

Raphael is the Primarch of wind. The most silent and thoughtful of the four Primarchs, he is known to be able to heal others using his winds. Also the easiest Primarch to be bullied imo, because Fire has a lot of busted DPS characters in exchange for very limited sustain options (I run Yukata Silva, Wilnas, and Michael - Wilnas has hit 10 mil CA damage with Silva's CA debuff).

Uriel, who was presumably killed by Gabriel in WHB, is the Primarch of earth. Which is ironic in GBF terms, because earth has elemental advantage over water. Anyways, he loves sparring and is the most boisterous among all the Primarchs!

As for other demon references in GBF:

Morax appears once again, this time as Magisa's familiar. Most of her playable forms incorporate her fighting with Morax, usually as a source of additional damage (counted as skill damage for the most part). Also is a dark composition of Summer Magisa, Fediel, and Lich is overkill, because that's my main dark comp...

Mammon is a Primal Beast. Same with Avaritia. They're both event antagonists - Mammon being the main antagonist of Detective Barawa and the Jewel Resort Incident (also depicted as a female in this game!) and Avaritia being the main antagonist of The Inner Light. Both stories are about greed, and The Inner Light in particular talks about how greed can destroy relationships. It's one of the events that made me cry, apart from the What Makes the Sky Blue trilogy, Together in Song, Lonesome Dragoness, Marionette Stars, and you., and Home Sweet Moon.

Leviathan is the Primal Beast who serves as the Auguste Archipelago's guardian. Mellow and gentle, but turned violent due to the Erste Empire's machinations, and the main crew managed to calm him down. Thankfully it never got past the point of going berserk, but the raid battle Leviathan Malice is a decent enough interpretation of what could've happened to him should the Erste Empire continue. Also memed to hell and back because of his sprite, as if he's laughing at your bad drops.

Satan is also a Primal Beast who, ironically, isn't the Satan-adjacent figure (that role goes to Avatar, who looks similar but is a different being entirely). Notably, Satan is part of Lyria's April Fools skin, with him riding on the Demonbream that she's stuck in (it makes sense I swear). Video here - Lyria is the blue-haired girl in white (WHOA-WHOA-YEAH!!!!).

((my wind otk is pitiful - i'm a water and dark main))

Anyways I'll add on to this if I find more, but I just wanna say this sort of shit tickles my GBF and SMT brain a lot. So...

[transexualliberation]

Trans Genocide NOW- An Explanation

General Introduction: You may have heard the term “trans genocide” on your social media platforms lately. Many transgender people and allies of the LGBTQ+ community have been using this term as of late, and it may seem hyperbolic, or even insensitive when you look at more well known genocides of history (the Holocaust, the Rwandan Genocide, etc.).In America, we are taught that genocides are events that cause the death of drastic numbers of particular groups of people, and because of this, many people are under the false belief that for something to constitute genocide, there must be some sort of killing involved. This is untrue, and in this blog post, I will be not only explaining why this is false, but I will also be going over the idea of trans genocide in the United States and explaining why so many believe that we are in an active genocide attempt in the US as of present.

Definition of Genocide: Let’s begin with the basics. What is a genocide? The legal definition of genocide is “An act committed with intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnic, racial, or religious group” (Merriam Webster Dictionary).

Meeting the Criteria of Genocide: According to the UN General Assembly, there are five official acts of genocide, and for something to meet the criteria of genocide, not all of the five acts are required to be committed. In fact, only one of these acts must be committed against a group for the criteria of genocide to be met. The acts do not need to be committed against the entirety of a group, but simply members of the group for the strict reason that they are members of that group. The UNGA’s five acts of genocide are as follows:

Killing members of a group

Causing serious bodily or mental harm to members of a group

Deliberately inflicting upon the group conditions of life calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part

Imposing measures intended to prevent births within the group or preventing the propagation of the group

Forcibly transferring children of the group to another group

Killing members of a group is only one out of five ways that a genocide could be carried out, contradicting the idea that mass extermination is the ultimate manifestation of genocide

The United States and Trans Genocide: So, how does this apply to what is going on with transgender people in the United States right now?

  1. Killing members of a group: 

Luckily, transgender people are not (yet) being hunted down and killed en masse. However, there is an alarmingly large amount of violent rhetoric existing surrounding transgender people right now, and there is plenty of legislation that promotes and encourages people taking violent actions against trans people. At least 35 transgender Americans have died by violence this year, though the number is most likely an undercount, as trans victims are often misgendered and deadnamed by media and police, and many transgender deaths are simply not reported on.

  2. Causing serious bodily or mental harm to members of a group: 

There is plenty of legislation out there that provides examples of causing deliberate bodily and mental harm to transgender individuals (with 496 anti-trans bills being introduced this year, 40 of which have been passed and 364 are active as of now), but I will be specifically focusing on three bills. 

- Oklahoma Senate Bill 129, which would make it a felony for anyone under the age of 26 to access gender-affirming care in the state of Oklahoma. Health care providers under this bill are forbidden from providing gender-affirming treatment to any patient under the age of 26, no matter what their circumstance may be. This bill’s banning of medically necessary healthcare for not just children, but legal adults would result in the forced detransition of numerous transgender people, which can be incredibly traumatizing. 

- Georgia Senate Bill 140, Which prohibits gender-affirming medical care for transgender youth. The bill focuses on children with gender dysphoria, the word for the distress a person experiences when their gender identity doesn’t align with the gender they were assigned at birth. Within this bill, no specific practice or medication is banned, because the use of these procedures are only prohibited if they are to be used for the purpose of gender affirmation, meaning that a cisgender child would have easy access to these procedures and medications (estrogen, testosterone, top surgery, etc.) for any other medical reason. Transgender children are the only ones being targeted here. This bill’s restriction of the rights to seek medical assistance for minors will result in an increase in gender dysphoria, causing severe mental distress upon these transgender children, and of course traumatic bodily changes that these children do not want, and were trying to prevent in the first place through accessing gender-affirming care.

- South Dakota House Bill 1080, which prohibits several forms of gender-affirming care for transgender children as well. This bill forbids several forms of bottom surgery, the potential for top surgery for AFAB (assigned female at birth) trans people, and prohibits both hormone therapy and puberty blockers. South Dakota House Bill 1080 is the farthest that any healthcare ban has gone for transgender people in the state in the last five years. Similar to Georgia Senate Bill 140, any cisgender child can access these procedures for any reason other than gender affirmation (Cisgender children have been prescribed gender-affirming hormone therapies and surgeries for generations, for example, often boys who are “too short” being prescribed testosterone). This bill will have the same results as bill 140, an increase of severe gender dysphoria among transgender children and traumatic, unpreventable bodily changes for trans youth.

  3. Deliberately inflicting upon the group conditions of life calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part:

Here I will be giving another example of a bill that effectively changes conditions of life in a way that aims to suppress, restrict, and scare trans people into obedience and invisibility.

- The bill described above is Tennessee State bill 3, also known as “the anti-drag bill” in the media right now. This bill bans “topless dancers, go-go dancers, exotic dancers, strippers, or male and female impersonators” in the presence of minors. Each of which, within the bill, are defined as “adult cabaret performers,” and therefore, should not be acted out in front of children. However, the wording in this bill is incredibly vague, and does not define what a “male or female impersonator” is exactly, meaning that it could very well simply be any transgender person existing in a space where a minor may be present. In other words, anywhere in public. Waters become even muddier when you take into account that Tennessee does not allow gender-changing markers on birth certificates, meaning that there could be a valid legal argument made that any transgender person is simply a male or female impersonator, seeing as they are identifying publicly as a gender identity that goes against what is stated on their birth certificate. This bill’s vague wording also fails to define what a “performance” is, meaning that it could very well be determined by an individual law enforcement officer that a trans person simply existing be labeled as a performance, since our existences are frequently seen as examples of political extremism and performances anyway. All of the vague wording and uncertainties in this bill create a legally unsafe and fragile situation for any transgender person who may be out in public in the state of Tennessee. The bill will instill uncertainty and fear in transgender people, leaving few safe options for them, such as fleeing the state, staying in their homes, or detransitioning.

  4. Imposing measures intended to prevent births within the group or preventing the propagation of the group:

Most of the anti-trans legislation that is happening currently is targeting transgender women, who commonly transition through HRT, or Hormone Replacement Therapy. At around a year in on HRT for a transgender person assigned male at birth, they become completely infertile. On the other end of the spectrum, for transgender people assigned female on birth going on HRT, there is also a very high risk of infertility. It is difficult to “prevent propagation” when many members of our community are already sterile. However, we have heard talk of restricting the ability of trans people to adopt, or even mentions of denying transgender people the right to marry, which would lead to transgender people having a very small chance of being able to have children.

  5. Forcibly transferring children of the group to another group:

I will give two examples of this fifth and final act of genocide here, both of which attempt to remove trans youth from supportive families and even create the possibility for cisgender children to be taken away from transgender parents.

- Florida state bill 254, which classifies any forms of gender-affirming care allowed to a minor as “serious physical harm,” and grants courts of the state jurisdiction of the child, allowing state agents to remove a trans child from their family and home. This bill would also attempt to seize parental rights in other states, meaning that the court would not treat the removal of a child from one parent to the other as criminal, even if the child must be brought across state lines, as long as the removal of  the child was to prevent gender-affirming care. This would be the case even if a parent with whole custody of a child lives outside the state of Florida. This bill does not require that gender-affirming care be currently being provided, it is only necessary that there is a suspicion that the child could potentially be “at risk” of receiving trans-affirming care. Because of the broad language used in this bill, it could pose a threat for transgender parents, as it would be incredibly easy to argue that because a parent is transgender, they would be accepting of their child if the child ever decided to come out as trans themselves, putting the child “at risk” of gender-affirmation.

- In 2022, The Texas Department of Family Protective Services was instructed, by a Governor’s order, to consider families and parents in support of transgender youth to be “engaging in child abuse,” and to investigate them on that justification. This would naturally result in removing the transgender child from their family and forcing them into the foster care system.

What Can I Do?:

But what can you do to prevent yourself from falling into despair in these difficult times? 

Transgender people are nearly four times as likely as cisgender people to experience mental health issues or commit suicide. Discrimination, prejudice, denial of civil and human rights, and family rejection are often the source of these issues (National Alliance on Mental Illness). Find or build a strong moral support system that understands the challenges of being a part of the community. A chosen family/support group can save lives for transgender people.

Remember your own worth as a person: being transgender is not being sentenced to live a life of unhappiness and unfulfillment. We are beautiful, we are human, and we are deserving of life. We deserve to fight back against what is happening to us nation-wide. Our lives have meaning, our lives are joyful. Be proud, push back against discrimination even when it feels hopeless. Find a community near you or online where you can vent and find like-minded people who understand the struggle. Work to lift your community up. Leave behind your biases on gender dysphoria, transmedicalism, xenogenders, or whatever else it may be and focus on strengthening our transgender community. We need each other now. 

Helpful Links:

Trevor project

Trans lifeline

Human rights campaign foundation

National Center for trans equality

[jcmarchi]

Black Myth: Wukong Preview - A Classic Tale Retold - Game Informer

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/black-myth-wukong-preview-a-classic-tale-retold-game-informer/

Black Myth: Wukong Preview - A Classic Tale Retold - Game Informer

Black Myth: Wukong is an action role-playing game that closely follows the events of Wu Cheng’en’s seminal novel Journey to the West. The work, based on Chinese mythology and Buddhist folklore, follows a monk who meets a spirit called Sun Wukong, often called Monkey King, during his search for sacred religious texts. While its central narrative is still unknown, Game Science’s upcoming Soulslike depicts Wukong’s encounters with Yaoguai, various creatures and demons in Chinese myth, set within stunning Eastern landscapes.

My hands-on demo begins at the base of Black Wind Mountain’s summit, in a place called the Forest of Wolves, populated with rich greenery, alpine trees, and all manner of wind-weathered stones and shrines. The path to the top is guarded by scattered groups of foxes and wolf-like humanoids who wield axes, shields, and bows. While these enemies aren’t challenging, they serve as great punching bags to learn combat fundamentals like dodging, charged-up staff techniques, and early spells like Immobilize, which freezes enemies in place for a burst-attack opportunity.

Black Myth: Wukong Release Date Trailer:

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Wukong’s primary weapon is a bō staff, referred to as Ruyi Jingu Bang in the inspirational literature, which he can shrink down to the size of a needle for safe-keeping inside his ear. The Monkey King commands an arsenal of weapon combos, including the ability to charge up Jingu Bang to pool together Focus Points, which allow him to unleash flashy heavy strikes. While you can’t store the Focus Points you acquire by charging his weapon – Wukong automatically attacks as you release the button – you can store up focus points to use later in the fight by landing enough light attacks on an enemy. Learning the timing of these weapon flourishes and how to use them alongside your growing library of mystic spells is critical to success against large opponents like the game’s many bosses.

While there are at least half a dozen optional and required bosses in the Forest of Wolves, I spend my time challenging two of its more difficult adversaries. The first is a flame-spear-wielding wolf named Guangzhi, who rushes me down and overwhelms me with flame-bending sweeps and dashes. After beating him on my fourth attempt, which I manage to do by relying on my immobilization spell’s cooldown, Guangzhi drops his double-tipped spear, called Red Tides, which slots into one of Wukong’s empty spell slots rather than replacing his magical staff. Upon activating the ability, Wukong momentarily transforms into the wolf I just defeated, allowing me to wield the boss’ fiery powers to inflict Scorch Bane, a status effect that sets enemies on fire and deals damage over time. Notably, Wukong’s health pool is separate from the Yaoguai he embodies, making this new ability a great tactic to use when low on health against Black Wind Mountain’s ravenous bosses.

I run past another optional boss – a gargantuan humanoid with a disproportionate golden head – and maneuver a bamboo-laden mountain ridge, finally making it to my destination: the Guanyin Temple, which is home to Lingxuzi, a building-sized canine appointed by a mysterious character known as the Black Wind King. The towering white wolf jumps in the air, scaling the entirety of the arena in a few seconds, and gets a taste of my blood after a swift strike. While Lingxuzi licks his lips, I freeze him in place and begin a flurry of light attacks and focused heavy strikes. Of course, this is a Soulslike, so I end up dying multiple times, slowly memorizing the Yaoguai’s movements and tactics over the course of roughly five attempts. When I finally triumph, I equip a rare wolf mask I loot from Lingxuzi’s corpse, granting me a damage buff against critically wounded enemies.

Black Myth: Wukong seems to present a compelling world of striking character designs, boss fights requiring skill mastery, and gorgeous environments. I eagerly await the game’s release, not simply for its excellent combat and promising character building, but to experience its take on the prominent Chinese folk tale.

[mayosmultiverse]

Take me Home.

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: Mistakes and heartbreak were always a danger to Spencer's love life. But would one of them survive to tell its tale?

C.W: Angsty boi mixed with a roll of fluff, mentions of a murder (not in graphic detail), witnessing a murder (not in detail), mentions of verbal fighting, self deprecating thoughts, mentions of Maeve, angst with happy ending.

W.C: 4.5k

Masterlist

This is for @imagining-in-the-margins Reunion Trope challenge ! And speshal ✨ thanks to @vanessagib and @letarasstuff for helping lil' ol' moi with this story! (Don't mind me, insecurities got the best of me XD)

A huge mention to @all-tings-diego for being the lovely moon to my sun. Have something for you here 😉. Also for the beloved Nesquik.

A/N: I hope ya'll like this, I tried making it a little less wordy!! Key word, tried.

The beauty of change is often spoken fondly upon, bloomed upon the garden of lies that only serve the purpose to deceive the oblivious and unknowing. To inflict pain and heartbreak when it isn't needed by pushing a person towards their doom and destruction. The inevitability of being subjected to it makes the reality even more harsh; having no choice but to succumb to the game of fate.

Spencer never believed in fate, each and everything he faced in the entirety of his life was just a product of finely placed dominos—an illustration of how his actions and of those around him implemented to his past, present and future—which collapses into unnecessary helplessness.

That feeling of impending worthlessness when he handed his unknowing mother over to a mental institution when she clearly didn't want to. Cursing him out turned to clinging onto him, begging him not to leave her there with a bunch of suspicious strangers who'd do god knows what to her. Might've been a plot of karma, taking his mother's revenge for him for when the people he loved, left him, giving him a half hearted goodbye through just a clot of ink. But never a proper one. Leaving him to mourn a memory.

The change in his life was always tiring, a piece of his heart breaking, falling like a withering rose, each person, each event and each victim he failed to save, pushes the sensitive purity of the petal to collapse and fall into an abyss. Dark and never ending, with no way out nor any way to save himself.

For a while, he had his saving grace, in the form of his chosen family but each of those who he held close to his heart, left. With only a distant memory of them to keep him company. Just a few materialistic and shallow means of what once was reality is now anything but. And the people who chose to stay didn't fully accept him for who he was. All his interests were answered with an annoyed eye roll or them simply just leaving in the middle of the one sided conversation. They say time heals, and after over a decade he should be expecting it, but it never stopped hurting. Even if he was used to it.

The only time he truly felt at home was under the watchful and curious young eyes of his students, soaking in everything he had to say, even if most of them were just auditing. For once in his life, he felt like he was making a change. That he was a part of something big, even though if it was just temporary. Outside of the violence and brutality of his job, where fighting the demons of the society was an everyday task but it never made anyone safe, for once they were caught, two more would take their place.

For him, teaching was a change of pace. When everything around him went haywire, all from him being bullied for being himself to being falsely arrested and having lost who he once was just for the sake of his survival. He now had stability and control; with a standard job with a fixed time and a choice of what to teach. It was as if his luck changed, after all this time.

After all this heartbreak. It seemed his life was pacing towards happiness. Because through a stroke of luck he found someone to hold, to love. And who would love and support him unconditionally with his countless flaws.

He could remember the day as if it was yesterday. He was at the library, picking and choosing from the seemingly endless supply of books. He'd always visit the library at least once, the mixed colour of various shades of brown provided him a wave of comfort. The only place he could succumb into his mind, to travel everywhere just through a flip of a page, when his college folks picked on him for being a frail and young boy. Acceptance and love was all he wanted, all he longed for, yet whenever a token of friendship was presented to him the act of deceit followed in the form of being tied to a pole with the hope of friendship all gone, just bitter memories of them keeping him company. All alone with no one helping him. In the cold and dark till cries of the night took pity on him.

Following his ritual, of choosing a book he wanted to read, going to his favourite comfy red couch located in a relatively isolated corner, where he could be. Alone. With his thoughts running his mind as he quickly cruised through his book. It was "Wuthering Heights" this time around, acting as a silent lament to when his mother would read it to him. He silently caressed the smooth cover of the book as he went towards his self proclaimed designated seat. It was as if his body knew where to go—purely on muscle memory—twisting and turning through the maze like library, only to find out that his favourite spot seemed to be occupied. A woman to be more specific. Laying on the couch with her legs rocking from the ends of it as she seemingly enjoyed her book.

He awkwardly shifted in his spot, his eyes lingering at his desired seating, then walked to move from there without wanting to disturb the beauty that inhabited that place. But of course, these things never go his way, her eyes snapped towards him in silent alarm. Just as he was about to leave her alone, a wave of recognition flickered through her eyes. As a soft smile graced her face.

"Dr.Reid, Right?" She nodded at him, though phrased as a question, he knew that it was a matter of fact. By the looks of her, she looked young. Probably in her late 20's or early 30's. Either here for educational purposes or a teaching position. "The Criminology Professor." A statement this time.

She seemed like a laid back person, not caring of what people think of her judging by her position on the couch. But by the looks of her attire—semi professional but comfortable—she does care about the impression she makes. Playful yet bordering proper. And by the looks of the worn out copy of 'Dead Man Do Tell Tales' she might be interested in Forensic Anthropology. Before he could offer her a response, she continued to introduce herself. The Professor for the Anthropology unit.

Though with his experience of working as a profiler, and hunting serial killers for a huge chunk of his life. Convincing them is a trial that is similar to a ticking bomb, triggered and to be exploded at any moment. Yet he's still as awkward as he was when he entered the premises of the BAU, introducing himself to the intimidating strangers with a slight wave of hand. So he did what he always did when he was nervous. His safe ground. His facts.

"Did you know, a forensic anthropologist can estimate the age, sex, ancestry, and stature of human remains, as well as estimate the time since death and interpret trauma to the skeleton. Which also allows them to determine if the damage to the bone was caused before or after the death, respectfully, either post or anti mort—which you would, of course know judging by the book" He waved his hand towards the battered book she was holding. A look of amusement and excitement flashed on her face.

"Talking about books, I see you're reading Wuthering Heights, A literary classic." She gestured to his book that he fidgeted against. Sort of acting as a buffer for him, as another calming method.

"You have read it?" He tilted his head in question, his gaze now shifting towards her face to her legs that were rhythmically rocking. Back and forth.

"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated. I'm sure something about the universe was mentioned, my dumbass brain doesn't remember it.” She gave a pregnant pause, to remember what she had forgotten. Eventually and inevitably giving up with a shrug.

"Usually a cup of coffee works like a charm" He quipped back, his lips stretching into his signature smile. Her eyes widened in surprise as she processed what he said. It was at that moment he realized what he had said. He held is his breathe until she cracked a smile.

"Smooth. I know a great coffee place" She unraveled herself from the comfortable red couch and led the both of them towards a possibility of a sweet life.

That was it. That was the moment he met his future. That was the moment when his future was writing itself to the better. After drowning in the deep and dark depth of the sea for so long, desperately trying to find something to cling onto, he finally got a breath of fresh air, found through a quirky and outgoing professor who loved the classics of literature as much as him.

But as unfortunate as Spencer's life was, everything good eventually comes to an end, it's only just a matter of time. It was as if time went slowly when he got a call from her. It was nearly midnight and he was at work trying to finish as much paperwork as he could complete so that he could take the weekend off. Sipping on his sweet coffee to stop him from dozing off, but what worked well was an unprompted call from his girlfriend. He answered it with a grin, expecting nothing of it. How could he have known that that one call would change his life. The feeling of peace he felt whenever he was with her quicky transformed into terror.

"Spencer he- there was so much blood-" She seemed delirious, in shock. But the choppy words she managed to spew out told a horrendous tale of someone bleeding out. He wished it wasn't her, it wasn't his love that was hurt, bleeding out all alone. Clenching his bag, he rolled his tongue through his lips in an attempt to clear his racing mind.

"Moon- Mooney, breathe. Tell me where you are?" But the only reply he got was her huffing, taking in quick short breathes, if any of this continued she might just pass out, out in an unknown place, completely unsafe. He'd have to work fast to get her whereabouts. Bouncing his legs turned to pacing when her silence prolonged.

"Mooney, Are you there?" Her safety was a priority for him. He didn’t want to lose another girlfriend, when there was a chance he could save her. He didn’t want the same thing happening to his Moon, that happened to Maeve.

"I think he's following me- he saw me run. Spencer, I'm scared. He has a gun!" That wasn't what he expected. Alarms blared in his head as he ran his hand though his hair. Panic rose to his throat, this was a life and death situation. Clenching his teeth, he repeated his question inquiring about her whereabouts. Thankfully this time she was conscious enough to tell him where she was. Now he just had to work fast enough to get to her. Grabbing his gun and badge, he made a run for the stairs, making sure that his girlfriend was still on the phone. Or tried to. His beloved unit chief was blocking his way.

'Oh for fuck sakes' he didn't really have time for this, literally. Clenching and unclenching his jaw, he finally met Prentiss's eyes. Her eyes were fixed on him, clearly glimmering with worry and concern, she must’ve seen him pace and came to check on him. Crossing her arms, she kept her gaze trained on him. She wanted answers.

"Reid, everything alright?" Was everything alright? No. Nothing was alright. Nothing was ever alright. But he forced himself to shake his head. He was worried, and scared. All he wanted was his loved ones to be safe and sound. Was that a hard wished to come true? Considering his track record, apparently so.

"It's my girlfriend, she's in trouble!" He mumbled out, as if saying it aloud would make it even more real.

Something flashed through Emily's eyes, a feeling of fear grew, which she covered. Like hell would she allow something to happen to her family. Grabbing her car keys, she marched towards the elevator like a woman on a mission. Until she realized that Spencer wasn't following her, just staring at her like a hurt puppy.

"Come on Reid, now's not the time to go slow on me." Instead of bickering with her to change her mind, he decided that it'd be logical for Emily to drive while his mind was on an overdrive, sifting through countless things that might happen to his girlfriend.

When the duo reached to their destination, Spencer instantly ran out of the car, not waiting for it to stop. Completely disregarding Emily's cries of protest. He just wanted to know his love was alright. Passing through a seemingly endless seam of maze, he finally saw her. She was curled into a ball, with her head hidden between her legs. He called out her name which caused her to jump, she must’ve been so scared. The sheer fear and panic on her face softened the moment she saw Spencer. Opening her arms, she silently asked for a hug, which he instantly gave. Rocking her against his body like a mother would to calm her child all while whispering calming words and unsaid promises.

His Moon was completely silent, other than the occasional sniffs. The only time she spoke was when they decided to take her to her own apartment to which she responded with a hysterical 'No!'. The car ride to Spencer's house was tense to say the least. He was sitting in the back with his girl. Trying to get an answer out of her, but all she did was look out the window. Her gaze jumping about from the sights that passed her yet it had no emotion in it.

His ears were ringing, he couldn’t think straight. After the group of three reached to Spencer's apartment, with some convincing, they managed to get the tale of endless horror she felt and faced, the death she'd seen and most importantly the perpetrator. The cold yet thrilled eyes that had no mercy as he ran after her like he was a predator and she, the prey.

Emily glanced at Spencer and then to the sweet person she had gotten the pleasure to befriend, knowing what had to be done. She wouldn’t be safe here, not with a psychotic killer on the loose who completely knew her identity. Even if Spencer decided to try and help his girlfriend, the section chief won’t allow an asset to be bound in something they'd think isn't as worthwhile. It was at times like these that Emily really hated her position as unit chief, it would be hard for her to break rules without having her team to face the consequences. She also knew that her suggestion would be reflected with copious amounts of disagreement from her friend.

“Reid, can we talk?” Emily glanced at Spencer’s girlfriend, she didn’t want the already fragile girl to be even more stressed, “in private.” Nodding her head towards the door to emphasise her point.

“Can't it wait?” He really didn’t want to leave his girlfriend at a time like this. But one look at Emily’s grave expression gave him the answer. Begrudgingly he left the room to listen to what she had to say.

It felt as if he had it all in one moment and lost her in the next, just as the word 'Witsec' ran out of Emily's mouth. Why did everything fall for him, and for the people he loved? JJ was forced to leave the Pentagon, Emily died, Hotch left and now his girlfriend had to leave. He couldn’t have that. He couldn’t have another person he cared so deeply about to leave. 

The battle of whispers turned to arguing, both not backing down from their stance. Each of them trying to make the other see from their perspective. The raised voices caught her attention, she could tell what they were talking about. A choice, though a choice seemed like an exaggeration, on sending her to Witsec because of what she had witnessed. Fidgeting with her necklace—a gift Spencer gave her—she had made a decision.

“I’ll go” A soft but determined voice called out. Even her voice lacked its usual cheeriness. Her decision led to another uproar, wasn't it her choice to keep her family safe. Her decision to make until it was safe for her to come back home.

"I can't let you go, not like this!" At this point the unshed tears travelled freely on his cheek. He wanted to help her. To keep her safe from the monsters that hid in the deception of man. To protect her from the man she saw today. Yet again, his protests went unanswered. Batted over the moment his love made her decision. Why weren't they listening to him? All he wanted was his family to never part from him or each other.

She took a step closer to him, grasping his hand into her cold one. Squeezing it gently to calm him down, at least partially. Her touch always did work wonders, but for now it just increased the panic Spencer felt. Locking eyes with hers he could see it clearly, she had given up. She was tired, scared and worried. Bile rose in his throat, this was starting to feel like a goodbye now.

"Don't" His voice cracked, as he haphazardly shook his head. He wasn't ready for this. After Maeve, Max, hell even Cat, he didn’t want to lose her. He didn’t want to have another name on that never ending list of heartbreak.

But there was no use of fighting about it further, as much as it irked him, but she had made her decision. He really loved her stubbornness but not when he was at the receiving end of it. So for now, he'd support her through her decision. Valuing her safety over her being, perhaps, miles away from him. He had to let her go for the time being. And until then he'd fight and search every nook and cranny for that man who decided to steal her from him. No matter how long it would take.

Five months, five long months had passed since she had witnessed something that lived in her nightmares. That dictated her life to the point that the life she's living wasn't her own. Long gone was the Professor of the Anthropology unit, the former medical examiner. Now she was Vanessa Hart, an ordinary woman with a blue collar job as a server at a small coffee shop.

She felt miserable. She had lost everything she held valuable. Her job, Spencer, and her life. They say time makes the heart grow fonder, but it was pure torture. The only thing keeping her intact was her necklace, the only piece she had of the man she loves. She usually found herself longing to hear his voice, a song that hadn’t sung for her in a while. The way his voice raised its lilt when he was talking about something that interested him while his hands moving around expressing his excitement. How he narrowed his eyes when he'd be trying to figure something out. And most of all, she missed how he used to call her Mooney.

For the past 5 months, she'd have to greet customers with a smile, when she was dying inside as all the pieces that made her, her were chipping away. She wasn't herself. She was Vanessa. And will be until her family get's her out of this hell hole. Dealing with rude people when she had done nothing wrong, they lacked basic human decency.

There were times everything got too much and she just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry into the arms that seemed like a distant memory. But she had no one, no one she could rant to or lean over. She had a friend, of course. Rebecca, the twenty one year old who was juggling university and a job. She was cheery and outgoing, reminding her of who she used to be. However, there was no one who knew what she was going through, other than the agency who ran weekly checks on her wellbeing.

Today, was like any other day. Like clockwork, she'd leave for her job at nine in the morning with a smile plastered on her face. Nothing to show that she was drowning in the persona that was created for her. And then at five in the afternoon she'd start wrapping things up to leave, to go back to her ratty old apartment.

"Oof, woman, you've got bad luck coming at ya" Oh great, more bad luck, thank you for the warning Rebecca but the shark was way too near for her to run, Aka Mean Marge, the manager. Damn she was really looking forward to clocking out for the day. But no, she was asked to stay. Overtime without extra pay. Well now she'd have to cancel her plans to drinking cheap wine all alone until she could forget about the day. Or her life.

"Fan-fucking-tastic" She grumbled, Rebecca hid her smile as she continued to wipe the counter.

"Language" Rebecca gently chided. Is she for real now? Rebecca was younger than her! She's allowed to cuss. She's a grown woman damn it! Let her drown in her self pity with her trusty companion—curse words.

"Oh shut– hush! They're just jargons of the daring." Of fuc- of course Rebecca's glare works wonders, She can't even cuss in her own thoughts.

"Keep your jargons related to coffee, not crude crusty cusses." Crusty what? She takes it back. She was nothing like Rebecca in her past. Rolling her eyes, she goes back to work. Grumbling under her breath each time when Rebecca is in her line of sight. She might act it, but she wasn't annoyed or irritated by Becca'. Quite frankly, the young girl gave her a way out from her life. A ray of sunshine in her storm. But she'll never tell the twenty one year old, simply because there's no fun in that.

In the course of the rest of their shift, The two girls conversed and completed their work. Everything was going smooth, no rude customer or anything, all until closing time. The bell rung signalling that a customer entered the coffee shop. Oh hell no, she was too tired for this shit. She ducked under the counter, dodging the questioning stare from Rebecca.

"Hello there, what would you like to order today?" she heard Rebecca's cheery voice greet whoever thought it'd be an appropriate time to get coffee at closing time. She'd have continued her inner rant if it wasn't for the familiar voice that replied.

"Hi! I'd like to order a-" No, it couldn’t be. Was it really him? She slowly came out of her hiding place to see if it was really true. If her boyfriend had finely come to take her home.

"Spencer" she said breathlessly, taking all of him in, he looked the same. Though his hair grew out a bit, giving it more of a wild look, but he looks perfect as ever. His eyes snapped towards her, widening at the sight before him.

Usually in movies this was the time they'd run to each other and share a kiss. Unfortunately for her, her body stopped working. She didn't, no, she couldn’t move. So she just stood where she was with happy tears passing down her cheeks. It was not until someone cleared their throat, did she break from her trance and ran towards her boyfriends waiting arms.

Safe, that was the first feeling she felt when her love wrapped his arms around her. After months of looking over her shoulder, to see if she was being followed or not, she could finally relax. Relax at the life she could live without the constant paranoia, and without the pain in the ass coffee shop. Fully merged in the tranquility and peace his arms provided, until a realization washed over here like ice cold water.

"Wait, Spence, is he?" Pulling away from him and his lingering touch to meet his eyes. His eyes glassy, matching hers as he nodded in confirmation. He couldn’t contain his smile nor his feelings when he grabbed her face and kissed her. She was finally going home.

"Someone gonna tell me what the frick frack snick snack is going on here?" Their celebratory kiss was cut short by Rebecca's question. Oh yea, she forgot there was someone else with them. The reunited couple broke apart, though not fully, Spencer's hand took its place on her waist keeping her close.

"It's a long ass story with a lot of cream and salty donuts. And by cream, I mean crime and by salty donuts I mean tears. Agressive and snot everywhere." Spencer shook his head affectionately at his moon, even after all this time her sense of humour was still intact.

"Wait, what?"

"What she means to say is, she saw something she shouldn't have and had to be sent away for her own safety" He corrected the vague and incriminating tale his girlfriend was telling. One day she'll really get into trouble for that.

"I've been doing a lot of that stuff lately" Rebecca muttered, a slight blush tinted her face in embarrassment as she remembered what she witnessed just a few moments before.

As happy that moment was for her, she'd never thought about what she'd leave when she returns to her home. To be very honest, she had lost all hope that she would even return. But as she thought about it she would really miss Rebecca and her odd pet peeve with cuss words. She's really starting to hate this. Constantly going away, leaving people who she learned to love and care about. Tearful goodbyes and promises were shared between the two friends. Just as the duo exited the coffee shop. To leave this life behind, she paused.

"Hey, Becca. If Mean Marge ever gets too much, hit me up. I will irritate the shit out of her! Bitch will have nothing on me!" Rebecca cracked a smile, though it seemed bittersweet. One last hug was shared between them before the couple left. Hand in hand, ready for wherever their life might lead them.

In the end, life might be a series of mistakes waiting to be triggered. To fall and weep for the losses it caused in collateral. But in the eyes of the future they are also a form of art. Each piece, as painful as it is, creates a path. A path that could lead to a better life.

🎶 Take me Home when it's all over 🎶

[littleoddwriter]

Hi! I love your fics and I was wondering if i could request a Riddler x male robin reader? Either robin reader or a villain reader?

Thank you :)

Enemies? | Edward Nashton/The Riddler x Male!Robin!Reader

Hello there! Thank you so much! And thanks for the request, I really hope you like what I've done with it. My best friend, @iscariot-rising came up with the idea and helped me with it because I got stuck writing this story multiple times because my own scenarios got a bit too complex. So, thank you again, my angel! :') <3

summary; Ed takes care of your injuries inflicted by the Riddler, realising you are Robin.

notes; Male!Reader; Reader is Robin; Angst with a Hopeful Ending; Hurt; Slight Comfort; Injuries; Taking Care of Someone; Secret Identities; Enemies; Established Relationship; Mildly Dark.

Coming home to Eddie that night was something you dreaded. You were wounded quite badly when Batman and Robin, alias Bruce Wayne and you, were trying to stop the Riddler from murdering the chief of police. 

While your injuries weren’t bad enough for you to be at the hospital now, they certainly needed some medical attention. And now you would need help from Ed to take care of the wounds.

Besides that, you also didn’t want him to worry upon seeing you like this. He didn’t know you were Robin, of course, and you’ve been racking your brain for a good enough lie, or half-truth, that would satisfy the many questions he would definitely have.

Limping slightly and hissing at the throbbing, burning pain in your leg, which was a stab wound caused by one of the Riddler’s traps, you walked into your shared apartment and over to where Ed sat at his desk. He always stayed up late when you were out at night on patrol, only that he thought you had to pull a double shift at work. 

“Hey, Eddie baby,” you smiled slightly; although it turned into a grimace quickly when your side also made itself known again with the scrapes and bruises that littered your torso. Apparently, the adrenaline had worn off by now. 

“Y/N, what happened to you?” Edward asked, already frantic as he looked at you. And yeah, all right, you should have been more prepared for that, since your face wasn’t any better than the rest of your body. 

“Uh, long story. Can you help me out of my clothes first? And maybe get the cream. You know. The one for bruises?” You winced and let yourself fall onto the bed, uncaring of how much it hurt. 

Alfred and Bruce have taken care of your wounds to the best of their abilities when you had gotten back to the Bat Cave, but it wasn’t enough as you could feel the stab wound reopening. You could barely even remember what happened in its entirety. All you knew was that the Riddler had had you trapped and now you were but a mangled form of your usual self. 

While you lay on the bed, trying to control your breathing to calm yourself, Edward scrambled up from his desk and went to the bathroom to get the cream you had asked for. You were lucky to have him. 

When he came back he had also gotten the first aid kit you kept under the sink. A small smile stretched your lips. He was incredibly attentive. Or maybe more wounds had reopened and blood had seeped through your clothes. You had no idea and you weren’t going to look.

“Are you gonna tell me what happened?” Ed asked again as he carefully pulled your pants and shirt off of your body so as not to hurt you more.

“Later maybe. It’s not important,” you answered in a lame attempt to get him to back off a bit. You still hadn’t come up with a good enough lie.

While he was disinfecting your leg wound and wrapping a bandage around it, he looked you over. You could feel his gaze on you as much as you saw his eyes move up and down your body. 

And then he suddenly stopped what he was doing. In fact, he stopped moving altogether all of a sudden.

“Eddie?” you inquired shakily, “Baby, what’s wrong? Is it really that bad?”

There was no response for a few moments. He simply kept staring at your body with this look in his eyes and all over his face that read to you as despair. Utter despair and guilt. 

“You’re Robin, aren’t you?”

The question caught you completely off guard. 

“What?” You tried to sound incredulous, but you were panicking and could barely even get that single word past your lips. Instead it was a quiet, shaky whisper.

“I’m so sorry. If I had known it was you, I would have never-” 

You interrupted Ed, then, “What? What do you mean? Wait! Are you saying that you are the Riddler?”

He simply looked at you with pleading eyes.

A short, humourless laugh left your lips. “Great. Just great!”

“Y/N… I’m really sorry for hurting you.”

“I don’t care that it was apparently you that hurt me, Eddie. Neither of us knew who the other was. But… fuck. My boyfriend is the Riddler? My boyfriend is a murderer? A terrorist? Really? I don’t know what to do with that right now, to be honest with you,” you told him sternly, or rather as sternly as was possible for you while tears gathered in your eyes and the pain of your wounds mixed with your heartache.

Edward didn’t say a word for a couple of minutes. He simply went back to taking care of your wounds. You let him, of course. What else were you supposed to be doing? You could barely move anyway. But you wanted to run. Your skin was crawling with the thought of knowing what Ed has done, all while sharing a bed, an apartment, with him. 

“I really do love you, you know that, right?” Eddie’s voice sounded after a while. “No matter what I’ve done and how I may have lied to you just like you’ve lied to me, apparently, I love you.”

You had an inkling that he was trying to see if you were going to stay or not.

And you wanted to go. You wanted to break up and leave and never come back, after you’ve handed him over to the authorities. 

A part of you couldn’t do it, though.

“I know,” you whispered, “I love you, too.”

That part won. You knew you would stay with him, no matter what. There was no question.

[morsking]

So how did you enjoy reading FGO Summer Camp for NA, especially with the EMIYA scenes?

Personally I enjoyed them a lot, his inner Shirou showing, and his interactions with other characters were a great source of entertainment.

if i'm being honest, it wasn't as good as i expected it would be. while i do enjoy the occasional horror story and was entertained by the horror gimmick of the event story, i found the characterization here incredibly flanderized, and the twists in the story weren't as impactful as they were cracked up to be.

i do not think it was all that clever to give us a child kiara if the only thing that did was create a non-mystery about her identity. the player knows she's kiara. there's no need to beat around that bush, because they also put her summer version in the gacha knowing she was already pretty popular. and then there's the flipside of that problem. that guda once again meets kiara bears absolutely no meaning, at least from my perspective, because guda still cannot recall the events of SERAPH, and therefore there is no meaningful development of the relationship between the player character and kiara. if guda had been amnesiac about SERAPH, and then remembered its events when confronting kiara at the end of the servant summer camp story, maybe that would've been more compelling. perhaps servant summer camp was more informative to people who did not play ccc and did not know about kiara's inclination towards hans christian andersen's fairy tales and her more endearingly childish and innocent side. but to those of us who were already aware, it doesn't really give us anything new that re-contextualizes that trait in an interesting way. and maybe this is just me, but if child kiara and adult kiara had had a dynamic like that of minidusa and gorgon in babylonia, i would've enjoyed it a lot more.

however i do think there's something relevant and well-executed in xu fu's introduction and her relationship with yu meiren. it does carry parallels to the main story, where we found out specimen E was experimented upon by being exposed to all kinds of human-designed violence in an attempt to understand and harness it. xu fu attempting to inflict mortality upon yu is a way of grounding the divine, a theme present in the entirety of cosmos in the lostbelt. there is also the theme of unintended consequences born from a disturbingly innocent cruelty, as if to remind us that these epic apocalyptic events in fgo are the result of human flaw, often human flaw mixing with good intentions, rather than something alien or unfathomably evil. that's also an idea originating from the visual novel, and it's still quite good here.

and yeah, though they weren't particularly deep, it was really nice to see moments where archer just lays back a bit and acts like the young man he didn't get to be. it really shows that deep down all emiya shirou, no matter the name or form, really wants is to be someone his loved ones can depend on. seeing archer be unironically and unapologetically helpful is heartwarming. it really shows just how far he's come in his journey from being a person who hides his desire to be good behind his bitterness to becoming someone who will vocally refuse to turn his back on anyone who needs help. seeing him get giddy and excited over old hardware also healed 5000 points of hp, cleared all debuffs, increased my np gauge by 100%, and gave me 5 stages of overcharge on my np. remember to thank your hakunos for the malewife therapy.

[ruki--mukami]

Master Ruki, I love you. Everything from the darkest sides of you to the rare glimpses of light - I love you. Even if what you inflict on me is painful and torturous, I love it if it’s your fangs and your hand who inflicts it upon me. It has to be you. I wish to be close to you, to feed you with my blood, and for you to hold me. Please grant this selfish livestock’s wish. You are my master to whom I pledge my loyalty for the rest of time. I want to feel your bite again. I want to kiss you until the moon rises and the stars shine. I want to protect you always. Thank you… Thank you for everything that you provide. I love you.

"How surprisingly affectionate for one so covered in my bite marks. Livestock, I'm at a loss for words. Even after all that I've subjected you to, you still yearn for more of my touch much like a willing sacrifice who has lost their mind, broken and shattered beyond recognition of the defiant self you might've been before. Ah... How lovely. You have conquered me as surely as I have conquered you."

A mortal warmth, polar opposite to his own lack of benignity, coaxed the Vampire into an embrace to belie the cruelty that followed after. Fingertips glided up your spine almost aimlessly, paving the roads to what could've been much-needed and deserved comfort, and finally halting at the nape wherein he angled your head to expose the entirety of your throat. Teeming with the squalls of inner turmoil in his tempest hues glued to your own, Ruki nestled into the crook eagerly.

"Since you asked so politely, I'll make certain to cover you everywhere my fangs can reach. This neck, this body, this heart that beats only for me, pumping fresh blood into your veins to be spilled once more... The mix of your fear and arousal flavors its sweetness to new heights. Somehow I doubt whether you truly exult in the pain as much as you say you do, so allow me to put your devotion to the test. Feel more of me... Let this sensation be forever ingrained for as long as you live."

Gorge ignited, petrified, a familiar burning sensation of fangs seared into your flesh along with the streaks of crimson that cascaded down in trickling ribbons, smeared by the onslaught of his lithe tongue.

"Haah... It pleases me greatly to see that my training you has finally paid off. For that, I'll love and cherish you, Livestock... The only one who shall see the shameless sight of you, imploring me for more and begging for relief, is me. You really know how to appeal to your master, don't you...? Here's the reward you seek so desperately."

Withdrawing from the site, a gentle finger caressed a bittersweet bead pricking the corner of your eye that formed from the aftermath of the continuous bloodshed, torment, and furthermore, the undulations of reward and punishment. Much like the life force he drained out of you mercilessly, Ruki sucked a kiss from your lips. Muffled sobs, quivering flesh, sighs of resignation all but silenced.

"I would forbid all those sweet tears if they weren't so beautiful."