#to see and be seen as less than a god
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hereforthepotions · 5 months ago
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Thinking about a toxic relationship dynamic between a mortal and a deity or supernatural being where the mortal is the abuser.
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egophiliac · 2 months ago
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do you have youtube channel?
technically yes, but I just use it to host unlisted videos for embedding, so there's nothing, like, public on it. :') sorry! I basically don't post anywhere except here and occasionally on pixiv (in case it's not obvious, I suck at social media).
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strobbylemonade · 5 months ago
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101 - a dummy's guide to loving and becoming human again
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cloudysarts · 7 months ago
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"What?! Fuck you, Stolas! You spring this 'feelings' bullshit on me-- are you fucking kidding?! Can I get a fucking minute to think after everything you put me through, you pompous, rich asshole?!"
~i don't support vivziepop or her shows + this art/redesign is from my rewrite~
(unblurred ver under the cut)
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dirtyassvoiceactors · 23 days ago
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Absolutely had to rewatch e116 cause what a fucking battle,
And truly the Nein are unfuckingstoppable, especially level 20, they are a mechanical beast of a party, they are truly the polycule of this fight, as Caleb himself said “Set ‘em up und knock ‘em down” in technically less then 4 turns(if you don’t count the little beau turn before fjord could stop her and talk to them) therefore in less than 24 seconds or a little more than 18 seconds, fighting THE moon’s baddest poly hive mind IN THEIR OWN LAIR, against new types of attacks and spells and abilities they’ve never seen or know of, against lair actions and bunching them in AOE trigonometry bs, their big monk move of turning invisible didn’t help shit, with their wizard and cleric loosing 5+levels of spells each completely, their wizards mirror image not working once so taking all the damage, with one of their clerics not even having their armor equipped half of their fight, their rogue sluggish+exhausted+blinded etc, most of them exhausted, them literally betting against each other during the fight…
*sighs in mechanics nerd* they are THE D&D Party
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago
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2009 Brazilian Grand Prix - Jenson Button
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invinciblerodent · 24 days ago
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I don't really have time to play him more than like an hour every few days, but man, Marcus really is insufferably pretty. Half the time, I've got my finger glued to the screenshot button, lol.
His personality is slowly taking shape in my head too: so far, he's been a far kinder, more emotional person than the broody, analytical scholar I thought he was going to be (I'm leaning into the "arcane grief councilor, magic is not just engineering but also psychology/philosophy" angle a bit more, so he's approaching all from a place of emotion and analysis), and his softness is a choice that comes from a place of rigorous, painful self-awareness.
In his head, so far Marcus is kind of the king of compartmentalization: he's constantly picking through his own thoughts and feelings and slotting them away into neatly labeled boxes, while choosing which ones he'll let himself feel (and chastising himself for the rest), which then also translates to him being very cautious, guarded... maybe even somewhat cynical. He's keeping his distance in general (as one would probably expect from someone who has never much experienced a warm, emotionally fulfilling environment, and has not really been outside of an academic setting much).
I'm thinking that his personal arc is going to be based around his unspoken suspicions continuing to be confirmed over and over again in the worst ways, causing him to sort of recede more and more into himself, but it'll be the others daring to let their feelings be felt (with Neve forgiving him, and Bellara both relying on him in his field of expertise and dragging him out into the light with her exuberance) that's going to create some much-needed balance in the end.
I like to think that where Ver embodied the moniker of "Rook" from a place of strength and forthrightness (acting as Solas' foil in that way, as a leader), Marcus embodies it more from a literal sense: from being stuck, in the highest room of that (ivory) tower.
He's... probably more like Solas than either of them would like to admit, really.
#squirrel plays datv#oc: marcus ingellvar#god i'm finding articulating my thoughts on him very difficult actually#Ver and Ray are far easier because they're more gregarious and honest#they both go “fuck it we ball; and if I die at least i'll leave a hot-ass corpse”#(with Ver being more driven by guilt and Ray by voraciously yearning to be loved)#but Marcus... he's scared. of being seen. of being hurt. of not being able to explain his own feelings away. of *feeling*.#i no joke feel like i he feeds the most off my own self-perception out of all my little guys at this point#this classic internal narrative of “my being nice is just a veneer; I know I'm secretly awful and nobody must ever find that out”#that gauche feeling of just never being good enough or worthy enough#(I hc the whole fiasco of his background meant that he never did complete his magic!phd either so he feels like shit because of that too)#(on top of everything in general)#(and god his friendship with Emmrich is going to be so DIFFICULT for it)#but seeing Bellara be able to dust herself off and get back up after everything is going to be great for him#like his calm; gentle; understanding demeanor and experience dealing with grief and death is going to be good for her#they're a far less extreme drain cleaner/battery acid couple than Iona and Astarion#they're; uh.... tomato juice and hand soap#and man; they're both SO pretty#nothing but the most beautiful k-drama-faced bf for my girl Bel#okay i'll shut up now
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yellowlaboratory · 2 months ago
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omg did you see that our boat show is ending.
literally want to cry and bawl my eyes out. im so saddddd
i can’t believe this my favs are leaving us.
i have seen it. then I spent 20 minutes gaslighting myself into believing it wasn't real. now I'm still working on processing it. like I'm truly cycle through the stages of grief.
sending you a massive hug 🫶🫶🫶
(and i'm taking any and all recommendations for new upcoming hyperfixations)
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sonknuxadow · 3 months ago
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society if sonic games didnt always leak a few days early
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mariemariemaria · 1 year ago
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Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality
#i was gonna say done nothing to help but that seemed too harsh#like there definitely is more knowledge about it now. maybe more people feel comfortable speaking about it which is good#but personally i don't feel that. like idk. workplaces will post about mental health awareness and then do nothing to help employees#the same w universities. my uni cut back the already meager mental health support#and then the government is doing absolutely fuck all as well#like idk im just back in a place i thought id gotten out of long ago and i still don't feel comfortable talking about it with people#maybe that's a me problem or maybe it's cultural or something idk. but in the 10 years ive been depressed (🫠) i don't think it's gotten a#whole lot better. teenagers are still dealing with the same shit i did and they're still not being taken seriously#women's mental health is not even spoken about.....anxiety depression sh eds etc are still ignored or seen as hysterical behaviour in women#or just normal esp with disordered eating. society hasn't changed people still want women to be stick thin and weak#like i know 10 years is a short time and there has been massive improvements in mh awareness if we look back over the past 50+ years#but idk i just think that it hasn't gotten better for a lot of people#i think specifically of belfast and like god. the amount of trauma there is the amount of homelessness the amount of substance abuse#drug abuse in particular that has gotten visibly worse over the past decade or so*#and i connect the dots n see the 2008 recession + a tory gov defunding the nhs + dehumanisation of homeless people & addicts + the troubles#+ ptsd + generational trauma + a negative peace + classism + paramilitary drug dealers + parties linked to those paramilitaries#and its like hmmmm i think we live in a society. and a mental health approach based on individual actions like journaling and meditation#isn't the way to go. or at least is not the be all and end all which is what a lot of mental health awareness raising seems to promote#*visibly worse on the streets. it was always a problem ofc but even a decade ago my parents never imagined it would be as bad as it is now#and it's become so normalised. i do think there's less individualism here than there seems to be elsewhere which can be good and can be bad#but i think we are becoming more and more individualistic. slowly. there's still a sense of community here but i do think it's changing#and callousness towards homeless people is one of the most obvious examples of this.#love when i put a wee asterisk in the tags of a post. like i have A Lot To Say lol
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my-thoughts-and-junk · 7 months ago
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i have to think about chilchuck and laios forever
#random thoughts#dungeon meshi#the fact laios is holding back so much anger and he's the one who chilchuck lets out so much of his anger on#like you've seen how many times he beats on him and degrades him and laios just takes it#they're both holding so many secrets from their party like???#chilchuck's entire personal life. laios's interest in monsters and kensuke.#the fact laios somehow hid his interest in eating monsters from the entire party before this???#laios is estranged from his parents and very close with his sister. chilchuck is estranged from his wife and very close with his daughters#chilchuck thinks laios knows him better than anyone else in the party. chilchuck canonically thinks laios is dangerous and unreasonable#which like? reductive but accurate.#laios holds the lives of those he cherishes above all else. the world could go to hell for all he cares as long as those he loves are safe#chilchuck fears intimacy and could never admit how much he values the people around him unless under severe threat#god. i have to read dungeon meshi again. i need to analyze them#one self-sacrificing dumbass and one self-preserving selfish dumbass#laios has problems putting his needs first when it comes to those he loves. i can easily see that conflicting with chilchucks selfishness#i do think after chilchucks failed marriage he would become more hypervigilant in his relationships once he allows himself to date again#like he doesn't necessarily understand what he did wrong but he knows he did something#god the irony of someone so perceptive failing to recognize his wife's needs#imagining chilchuck recognizing laios is not satisfied by something and he asks him abt it and laios is like 'no im fine dont worry abt me'#like fully sincere. laios is used to denying himself what he needs for others#ran away from home when falin was being mistreated. sacrifices his body in the end when he becomes The Big Guy#suppresses himself to try and make others like him more or at least dislike him less#do you think he'd suppress himself at first when in a relationship with chilchuck out of fear of driving him away#chilchuck's perception vs laios's poor masking fight fight fight#god they both fear each other leaving. laios because he fears being like his father and driving chilchuck away like his dad drove him away#and chilchuck because his wife left him and he didn't fully understand Why.#the fact chilchuck thinks laios should act like more of a leader. do you think he fears becoming a poor leader like his dad?#chilchuck trusts and values laios as a leader and that scaring the shit out of both of them 👌👌👌#this is why they're switches okay
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thedevotionaltour · 10 months ago
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even for period typical ableism it still drives me nuts for karen to go oh poor matt how can he deal and get around as if he hasn't been blind most of his life at this point and living on his own by himself as an adult for his entire adult life after college and has also lived in the city his whole life like girl use your damn brain he can get around by himself just fine. good god. like take five seconds to use your brain. literally adult man who lives by himself if nothing else that should tell you he is fine and when he needs assistance has the knowledge and ability to go get it you act as if he can't even walk on the sidewalk by himself. he literally shows up to work by himself. it drives me up the wall sometimes how she sees proof of him functioning fine independently literally witnesses it on the daily and still thinks these things. like again foggy isn't great either bc again the period typical ableism (and just general ableism in the world outside of this period as this is a common attitude of viewing disabled people as helpless and unable to function even if they are people who do live independently (and im not touching on people who do need extra support and caretaking in this context. as this post is about these characters in the context of a story. so im talking about what we see there instead of any truly meaningful nuanced way) but the writing here is like. Particularly this way due to the time) he has a modicum more of understanding that matt is literally a capable grown adult man. literally told karen matt is a big boy who can handle himself and then karen went b-b-but you forget he's blind as if foggy hasn't known him for years of his life and is his best friend like PLEASE SEE HIM AS AN ADULT. I AM GOING TO GO INSANE. PLEASE RESPECT HIM IF YOU LOVE HIM SO DEARLY. AND EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T. JUST RESPECT HIM AS A PERSON!!!!!!
#i think it's particularly maddening bc we have seen characters be able to understand civillian matt is like. more than just Blind Man.#i am always highly aware of period typical writing and can remember the context etc etc but sometimes.#sometimes it truly. truly does drive me up the wall. especially when other characters have been capable of not being That Level#of infantalizing. again foggy still isn't much better in a lot of respects he is just as capable of and has been as infantilizing#and insulting as karen has been. for sure. on multiple occassions. no questions asked. but i dont think he does it to the extent karen does#as in we dont see it on page just as much. it's just a bit less. so we see karen focus on it far more. to an almost exaggerated extent#part of that is the romance plot of ohhh i cannot possibly love a blind man while foggy is matt;s best friend of many years#so of course it will be in the way of the stan lee and old romance comics schools of writing that this goes down and is written like this.#of course we see her focus on it a touch more in a different way bc she's still getting to know matt and hasnt witnessed him#for about like a decade(? they met in undergrad right?) function on his own the way foggy has. but jesus christ man. good god.#at a certain point even with the period time context it does just still leave a bad taste. at certain points it becomes less eye roll#and far more maddening and hard to push down. bc it is gross. no matter what time period it is.#again. both of them are pretty disrespectful towards matt about it at this point even if mostly in their inner monologues or dialogues#with each other and not super to matt's face about it every time. but still. sometimes karen drives me far more crazy about it than foggy.#becase at least foggy can in fact recognize every now and then. matt is a perfectly capable grown man who can function and thrive.#and is someone who lives independently but also can know how to get assistance when needed.#while karen at this point has never really once given matt the benefit of that assumption despite witnessing his capabilities.#because even with his act of trying to fit the image ppl have of him. he still functions within that! and shows he can do things!#and ask for help when he needs it! even within his act of making himself smaller and quieter for others.#he's still like. adult man who lives his life. and does stuff on his own time.#i cant really speak about matt on any more deeper level than that in regards to his disabilities. i am not disabled.#i only speak as a reader and someone watching what these characters do and have proven to be able to do and how they act.#so i can only talk about karen and foggy's behaviors and attitudes in that regard.#and also as a person with like. basic understanding of other ppl living their lives. that all ppl live their own damn lives however it is#like most ppl on planet earth.#i apologize if any of my wording here is bad or if i dont talk on it well as none of this in the real world stuff is my lived experience#and you are free to go hey. incorrect. think about that or word that differently.#ok i promise im done now it's just. EUGH. UGH!!!!!#static.soundz
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iguessitsjustme · 11 days ago
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Me: *is horrendously stimulated*
Also me: *goes last minute christmas shopping*
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mantisgodsdomain · 1 year ago
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Playing 3DS games after having seen the overall fandom response to release and long-term impact and the way it's looked back on and such is... bizarre, honestly? Like, maybe it's just because we got our introduction to gaming in the 3DS era, but it's incredibly strange to know that games we knew and loved and would have considered relatively mainstream just... didn't stick in people's minds.
Like, take the Gen 6 Pokemon games. Those were great games! One of the single things about X/Y/OR/AS that we don't see people talking about but that stuck in our mind was how the developers made an effort to make it so that every single Pokemon in the games prior was spread between just those four games! We remember that just the sheer variety of potential Pokemon available was enough to get us a start into challenge runs simply by virtue of how much variety could be added to a playthrough by the sheer amount of potential on offer!
We remember spending hours just... hunting around the region to figure out where those last Pokemon we needed to fill the 'dex were, wandering around to try and find Hidden Ability pokemon from Horde battles, getting to actually interact with our Pokemon in Pokemon Amie.
Yeah, there were more obscure games out there, and yeah, they impacted us as well - Pocket Card Jockey stands out in this regard, as an extremely fun game that we're pretty sure was played by maybe three people, maximum, but it's not quite the same. These were games that we played ourself! These were games we saw other people playing, that we played with people over the internet, that felt like they were well-known! We were under the impression that these were mainstream interests, not Niche! it feels... singularly bizarre to realize that, for the majority of people out there, this game was a forgettable disappointment.
#we speak#nintendo 3ds#obviously theres the nostalgia factor and such since the 3ds was the first gaming console we ever owned#as well as our ONLY gaming console for like. right up until ~2 years ago we think?#but like. youre telling us that x/y is less popular than sun/moon?#you mean there are real actual people who think that hgss's following mechanic was more notable than xy's entire bottom screen?#you don't like petting pokemon? pat pat?#we went into hacking our spare ds today and getting some games off of hshop#and like. gods. do you know how fucking bizarre it is to go into the games that shaped our...#well. maybe not childhood but certainly a substantial part of our teen life#and discover that all of the games that we remember loving the most are like. seen as Forgotten Entries or Black Sheep?#this doesn't just extend to x/y btw#we see a lot of people dunking on like. gates to infinity? and like yeah gti wasnt the most POLISHED entry out of em#but it was still an incredibly enjoyable game that had massive impact on later entries in the series#gates to infinity's core themes carried forward into super mystery dungeon to the point that psmd can read as a direct continuation of it!#its like. augh! youre telling me that when we say we loved gti we're expressing an opinion only shared by like three people?#what are we? the Random Black Sheep Unloved By The Fandom As A Whole Guy?#...well. we mean. we kind of are that guy judging by our taste in characters but STILL#you cant tell us that the games that made up most of our communication outside of our family for over a year are Forgotten#and just expect us to like. be okay with it#when we said we were going to get more weird we didn't mean learning people think the 3ds games are The Worst In The Series#what do u MEAN u genuinely think that xy is the worst in the series and have proof we are playing it right now and its very fun#how about our proof huh. we are using a mothim for our nuzlocke run and having a great time. if u think its too easy turn off the exp share#we are in your house and home#we are also mad that swsh doesnt let you turn off the exp share from when we played it in a totally legal and not piracy related way
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troubadour-malin · 1 month ago
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Oh. So it's that bad huh.
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carsickcrow · 2 months ago
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i need to transition….i am losing my mind thinking about going into adulthood being seen as a woman it makes me want to. i was gonna say either puke or rip my hair out but. it doesn’t make me want to do those things actually. it just makes me feel bad.
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