#to make it look nicer and it was all downhill from there

[burningcomputerpersona]

.....fml

[hellsquills]

Disclaimer: I know about the duffle bag Filbrick threw at him, but you can ignore that if you want

My thoughts below the cut! (this turned into a whole ass fic lmao)

Edit: timeline here!!

My personal headcanon is that Filbrick is as much of a coward as he is of an asshole. Therefore, he wouldn't have kicked Stan when he did in canon. Probably not for a while after that.

However, he does try to send him to military school. He keeps talking about how this kid needs to learn discipline and respect, and if he's not gonna bring money to the house, then he should at least bring some honor to his family.

Stan obviously does NOT want to go. Not only because it's a pointless war ("what've the vietnamese done to us anyways?") but because he remembers his mother's face when Shermie got drafted and he will NOT make her go through that hell again. Also, he doesn't wanna die!!!! Hello?????

He talks it out over the phone with Ford, who's obviously just as against it as he is. He tells Stan that, if he gets into a PhD program, he could skip military. Stan laughs in his face. It'd be easier to jump off the plane without a parachute.

And so, he comes up with a plan. When he goes to take his physical, he tries his best to botch it. If he is bad enough, if it looks like he can't do it, maybe he won't have to. Unfortunately, the recruiters are far too used to this by now, and they don't buy it. Stan goes home with a recruitment letter hidden in his jacket.

Everything goes downhill after that. He runs away from home, changes his name several times, does some crime here and there... The military is after him, and it doesn't take rejection kindly.

Stan stays out of contact with his family for a few years. He can't risk getting them involved in this mess. They don't deserve it. So he just leaves, without saying a word, in the middle of the night. No phone calls, no notes, nothing. Not even he knows where he's going. But if it just looks like he abandoned them, maybe they'll hate him. That will make them sound more believable with the police. They aren't covering for him, because they genuinely have no idea where he is. It's the best way to keep them safe.

In that time, Ford doesn't stop looking for him. He finds him every once in a while, but only his phone number, and he knows that could give away his brother's location and get the family in trouble. So, against his deepest instincts, he doesn't call.

One, three, five, seven years pass. Stan has been around almost all the country, and is genuinely considering leaving it. Maybe going to Mexico, or Colombia. Those sound nice. Maybe they'll be nicer to him.

He's passing his time and thinking about this in a small town restaurant in wherever he's in (somewhere he's not banned from, yet), when a family enters. He doesn't make eye contact, but he can't help but stare at them: a man and a woman, probably in their 50s, with 7 kids; one must be older than him, the second one around his age, the third one a little younger, the fourth one a teenager, and the last three between 10 and 15, no more. Except for the last three, they're all taller than him, even the mother, and they have various degrees of blond hair. Their clothes (overalls and plastic boots) suggest they must work in one of the farms he's seen around the state. They don't wear any accessories, except for the glasses that the father and four of the kids have. They're talking loudly and laughing. They look exhausted from a morning of hard work. They seem happy. They... look nothing like his family, and yet, he can't help but think about it.

He can't help the sob that comes to his throat. It's loud and messy from trying to suppress it, which obviously makes it worse. He covers his mouth immediately, and at that point he notices the tears that have run down his cheeks. "Great", he thinks, "that will make it easier to hide, for sure".

He doesn't move. He wants to escape, but that will draw even more attention to him, and he hasn't even paid for the food yet (normally he'd leave without paying, but the old waitress was kind enough to give him some extra food when she saw how little he ordered). He settles for not moving, lowering his head and covering his face, hoping that no one heard (unlikely) or cared (very likely).

"Ya'lright, son?"

The voice startles him. I wasn't very deep, but it was close enough to send his body into immediate danger mode. He looks up at the man towering over him, who's standing in front of him at a prudential distance.

"Y-Yeah, yeah, no worries."

He hates how broken his voice sounds. He's spent more than enough time sweet-talking his way out of trouble, he should be better at this by now. The man looks about as convinced by it as he is himself.

" 'lright then. Can I help ya?"

Damn villagers and their welcoming demeanor. If he wasn't a wanted man, he would appreciate it. But right now, it couldn't be worse timing.

"Come get ya food, kids!" The waitress' yell yanks him out of his thoughts.

"No", he blurts out, and he turns to the man. Least he can do is show him some respect and look him in the eyes. "I'm fine, thank you."

The man smiles lightly and nods. "Okay. Welcome to the town."

Stan watches as the man goes back to his table. He wishes he had been more polite, the guy was just worrying about him, but he can't afford it. They already know his face, he can't risk anyone else recognizing him-

"Sweet Mother of God almighty."

Stan turns to his right. One of the kids, the one about his age, is looking at him like he just grew a second head. He's frozen in place, his eyes wide as plates behind thick glasses. He doesn't say a word, and it's getting increasingly unnerving. Was the bruising on his face still visible? Maybe it's more apparent in broad daylight than in the shitty light that last motel had in the bathroom.

"I'm sorry, I- Can I ask your name?"

The fuck?

"No", answers Stan. Considering how nice his dad was, this guy is pretty rude.

"Son, leave him alone." The mother seems to have manners too, good to know.

The guy does pretty much the opposite. He comes closer to him, until he's right in his path, blocking his exit. That can't be good. Stan feels trapped.

"Are you Stanley Pines?"

Well, that's about it.

Stan tries his best to stay still. This guy doesn't look like a cop, not even an undercover one. But he knows his real name, so maybe someone in his family or friends works in the police; or worse, in the military.

"Listen man, I don't know who you're talking about, but that isn't my name. See?" He reaches for his wallet. He pulls out an ID, with a very clear Jackson Cage on it. He makes a mental note to change it soon, just in case his hunch is right and this guy has connections. "Now, if you excuse me, I'd like to pay for my food and leave. Move."

Stan is already on his feet, but the guy hasn't moved. Stan looks him up and down, trying to appear threatening despite his face probably still being a little red from before. He also gauges how feasible it'd be to escape if things turned bad; the dude is taller than him, sure, but he's also as thin as a toothpick, and by the anxious look on his face, he doesn't seem eager for a fight. The real problem would be evading the restaurant's staff and the other costumers, which include eight carbon copies of the guy in front of him. Probably better to try to de-escalate the situation.

"I- I can't let you leave. Please. I know who you are."

This man is making it really difficult to believe he's not a cop.

"No, you don't. I'm new in town. Move."

"Listen, I-"

"Move out of my way."

"I know your brother."

The words are like a bullet between his eyebrows.

"You look just like him-"

Against his better judgement, he quickly grabs he guy and pins him to the wood in between the booth benches, arm to his throat. If he knows Ford, he knows too much. God he just wanted to have lunch.

The commotion is immediate. He doesn't break eye contact with the guy who's grabbing his arm, whose strength is frankly surprising. He can hear, however, the screams from the dad and the siblings, as well as a couple of gasps from the other costumers. This is not going to go well, but fuck that. He's escaped worse.

"Stop!", the guy shouts as he keeps Stan's forearm from blocking his airway. "Don't hurt him! Don't get closer!"

It takes Stan a second to process what he said. The first part, sure, who wouldn't shout 'stop' when you're being attacked? But the second half doesn't make sense. Is he protecting him? The attacker?

Whatever it is, it works. The family stops in their tracks, still very ready to attack if needed. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see the three younger kids moving closer to their mother. For a split second, he feels a pang of remorse for the scene he just caused.

"Hang up the phone, Clarisse, it's okay. Please."

Stan looks in the direction the guy was talking to. Right behind him, the waitress reluctantly puts the phone down.

He looks back at the guy. He looks a little shaken up, probably from the impact his back (and his head?) made with the wooden plank, but he doesn't look scared. He almost looks... sympathetic? Stan is confused as hell.

"I know who you are", the guy whispers, low enough for Stan to hear alone. "You're Stanley Pines, and you have a brother named Stanford. I know him, okay? He's my friend. I met him a few years ago in a quantum physics congress and we've been talking ever since. He told me about his family in New Jersey, and about you. About how he hasn't seen you in years, and how he was trying to find you, to no avail."

Stan is gradually loosening his grip on the guy's neck, who takes a deep breath. He should know better, but- shit, hearing that Ford was looking for him was not what he expected. Even if he doesn't know yet if this guy is lying out of his ass, it's enough to make him doubt.

"I know you were called to Vietnam. He told me. I spent a week with him in his place when he found out, he was unconsollable. When you ran away, he called me. He knew what it meant for you and he thought he'd never see you again, whether you got caught or not. All because of that stupid war." Stan is now trembling a little, he knows it. This guy must know it too, with how close they are. If he stays here any longer he'll break down, but he can't move. Anything to hear his brother's name a little longer. "I know what it's like. Three of my cousins were drafted last year, and I know at least one of them won't be coming back home. Please... let me help you."

Stan meets his eyes. They're green and brown-ish, not unlike the immense fields he's seen in his last journey, the one that led him to this town. With the years, he's learned not to trust beautiful eyes, because they are better at hiding. These ones, however, seem serene and honest, just like his words, and he can't help but believing them. This guy, whoever the fuck he is, knows just about enough.

Stan lowers his right arm. The guy still has his hand on it, but this time is much less defensive and much more comforting. He doesn't complain.

"My name's Fiddleford McGucket, and I'm gonna help you find your brother."

______________________________

Essentially, after this Fidds calls Ford as if nothing happened (per Stan's request, since he's still paranoid about the police tracking his calls) and asks him to come to Tennessee. Ford argues that he's very busy and all, but Fidds convinces him in the end.

Obviously the twins have a dual breakdown and cry their heart out. In this AU they're much less emotionally constipated lol

Ford tells Stan that he's gonna build a house in a small town in Oregon as a part of his research, and asks him to move in with him once it's finished. Stan, of course, accepts.

In the meantime, Stan stays in the McGucket farm and helps them out as a way of laying low. He has a great relationship with his family, and they're very proud of him for what he did (i believe that the McGuckets are hippies at heart, and they're VERY anti-war, especially when it already took three of them)

I don't know how much of the canon storyline would this AU follow, but it's pretty much your average Mystery Trio AU with some different backstory

[bunnysdollette]

₊⊹⁀➴ How to get your shit together in a slump: BD’s instant guide to feeling 100% again! ⟡﹒⪩⪨ 🫧🌸🧁

⋆˚｡⋆୨୧ Hi angels :) Thank you so much for the positive reception on my last posts. Anyway, I’ve been super down lately so I’d thought I’d create this post as a bit of a reference point for anyone who feels like their life is going off of the rails these days. This is how I get myself out of a slump. 💬

♫ todays song is…some by SOYOU

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ GET OFF THAT DAMN PHONE.. 📝 ⊹₊⟡⋆

wait! I was just joking. don’t close your phone until you finish reading (haha). anyway, take a look at your screentime for me. you might have been scrolling for hours or trying to distract yourself from how horrible you felt by doomscrolling endlessly…no. we can’t do that.

usually when I’m in a slump I feel damp, it’s not just about laziness. this could also be the result of exhaustion or a number of factors. dampness is an evil condition in chinese medicine where you feel heavy, tired, and dead. scrolling will only make this worse because you’re prolonging the pain. the first thing you should do is get up, stretch, breathe, and maybe crack a window. the airflow will make a big difference, I promise. 🌿

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ CLEAN UP GUIDE. 🌸 ⊹₊⟡⋆

when my room is a mess my state of mind is a mess. I can’t do anything, I’m literally loosing my marbles bc all I can see is a messy space. if your brain is in shambles rn, the smallest amount of organization you can do right now is tidy up your room a little bit.

this doesn’t even have to be a big clean, but small steps make a big impact!… remember your space is sacred. 🧘🏾‍♀️

make the bed. doesn’t have to be fancy, just make sure everything is where it needs to be.

wipe down surfaces like desks, mirrors, and vanities. you can even include a scented spray whilst doing this to make your space smell much cleaner and nicer!! I literally cannot function when my room smells like asscheeks.

remove any old cups, or food waste that you were procrastinating from doing so. don’t want to attract any bugs.

Sweep the floor. You probably don’t notice how many crumbs are on the ground, but please just do it.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ RECHARGE YOUR “STATS”. 🛁 ⊹₊⟡⋆

honestly the best way to get out of a slump is self care. neglecting your needs and body can often lead to things going downhill, depressive episodes, etc. We all forget to take care of ourselves properly sometimes, but it’s important to pay attention to our needs and personal wellness.

Ask yourself.

“Did I shower today?” ➜ Take yourself a nice, warm shower and stay in as long as you want.

Take some time to reflect on your day or anything that’s been on your mind. And be sure to wash up well, so you can feel really nice after and tap into your feminine energy. You can even add bath salts, milk, or bubble bath. It will literally make you feel like a princess. . . 👑

“Did I eat/drink today?” ➜ Go eat something.

I prefer light meals or snacks that are cold like fruit, water, or a juice when I’m feeling dead but you can also eat whatever you want. Just think about what will make you feel good and reduce the dampness as much as possible, and will prevent brain fog. Heavier meals aren’t the best for that though.

I bet you feel better already after doing these things! Remember that taking care of yourself is the most important and you are a priority.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ REFLECTING AND MAKING A GAME PLAN 🧁 ⊹₊⟡⋆

Lastly after you feel a little bit better now and you took care of yourself, I would really suggest reflecting either through journaling or shadow work questions. They’re the easiest way to just brain dump all of the crap you’ve been thinking about lately and get it out of your system in a healthy and helpful way.

You can write about things like “how have I been feeling lately?” “What’s one way I can improve in xyz” and so on. This is a mundane activity you can do at the end to organize your thoughts. Mental health is a huge thing after your physical health, as it literally not only affects your world but the world around us. Especially if you are trying to achieve your dream life/dream self, manifest anything, etc. you will need to take care of your mental health to not be consumed by your emotions and keep your mind in check.

Also something that is crucial is practicing gratitude and mentally grounding yourself. You can list things your grateful for, mediate, or exercise. Anything to get yourself into that mindset you need going forward. I personally love to listen to the wizard liz’s podcast in times like these, it’s a great motivation for me.

Remember that slumps, dampness, depressive episodes, all of it, is normal. We are just humans at the end of the day. Be a little nicer to yourself today and take some small active steps towards your goals. ✨🫶🏽

✧ thanks for reading beautiful !! ; so basically I’m thinking of maybe making a community here on tumblr for the girl bloggers that share dream girl content and stuff like that? idk let me know what u think. inbox is always open, stay hydrated and cute, buh bye 👋🏾

[catscidr]

HIIII CAN I GET DOTTORE(WEBTOON VER) X READER (fluff if u want) PLS..... where ur his assistant (besides krupp, like reader and krupp are both his assistant) and he so clearly has favoritism towards reader, bro is SMITTEN. have a good day... :D

this is sorta taking place right when the manga starts, right before dottore and the gang have a meeting about fatui stuff n all. also spoilers for the manga kinda if u haven't read it already?? i threw krupp under the bus a lot but its to make up for the fact that he’s alive in this lmaoa sry to any krupp lovers out there (′ʘ⌄ʘ‵) also there’s a lot of buildup n world building kinda im sorry i got in the zone HAHA ALSO MB THIS TOOK A WHILE TO WRITE i was drowning in leftover dessert from the holidays and was in a food coma for a couple o days. forgive me nonnie but u can get ur food now ⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝ cw: reader is overwhelmed, not proofread i just went ham. not too much dialogue it's mostly unspoken bc webttore is an "actions > words" kinda man includes: fem reader, webttore, krupp, diluc mentionned wc: 1,7k

The mission was a complete and utter disaster. 

All three of you were supposed to attend the Ragnvindr ball with a simple goal; blend in as much as possible, gather intel on the Knights of Favonius and leave without a hitch. Of course, that wasn’t an easy task considering Dottore’s eccentric and unpredictable personality and Krupp being a thorn in your side at best. 

Things started going downhill before you had even left your private quarters. While you were getting ready, carefully blinking as you brushed your mascara into your lashes to blend them in with your fake ones, you were startled by a loud, quick series of knocks on your door, making you smudge the dark pigment on your eyelid. Seeing the look on your face, Krupp had apologized (halfheartedly) before leaving you to your devices, seemingly forgetting why he had even interrupted you in the first place. You tried to convince yourself that it was fine, it was an easy fix anyways- but you couldn’t help but get irritated by your coworker’s behaviour at the very least. 

The next accident happened when the three of you had stepped out of the carriage in front of the Ragnvindr mansion. Masquerading as Dottore’s concubine, he held your hand to help you out of the caravan. That in it of itself was fine; the texture of his velvet glove was nice, the warmth emanating from his hand was even nicer and you swore you saw his face soften at the sight of you carefully stepping down the singular stair, leg jutting out as you balanced yourself on the cobblestone path on your heels. But Krupp just had to step on the back of your dress, a brown footprint now adorning the periwinkle frilly trail of your gown. The only good thing that came out of it was Dottore moving his hand to your waist and swiveling you to his side, fixing his assistant with a hard glare that could kill. 

Then, after you had gotten most of the dirt out of your dress (with the help of a kind butler), your trio stepped into the venue, splitting into two groups. Krupp would blend in with a group of nobles whereas you and Dottore, arms linked together, would speak to people in the Knights directly. Eyeing your coworker in the crowd, you saw him courteously kiss the back of a noblewoman’s hand; despite the slight look of disgust crossing your face, he seemed to be doing well with the mission. 

However, it seemed that whatever Archon was watching over you then didn’t appreciate the lack of drama. As Dottore introduced the both of you to a platinum-haired man, he had gotten his shoulder shoved by what had appeared to be a new hire from the manor (at least, you assumed so considering the way he had immediately gotten yelled at by a lady older than him). 

You yelped when the Harbinger spilled his drink all over the front of your dress, some champagne sliding down your chest leaving an uncomfortable, sticky feeling on your skin. Cheeks reddening from embarrassment and frustration, you brush away his frantic apology as you storm out, grabbing a handful of napkins on a nearby table while making your way to the closest bathroom. 

Thankfully it wasn’t hard to find, not with a maid offering to help you (she had gotten turned down but kindly pointed you in the right direction at the very least). Patting your skin dry, you burst into the surprisingly empty bathroom and assessed the damage. 

That’s where you are currently. 

Staring at the state of your previously pristine appearance you can’t help but tear up. Sure, this was just for a mission, and you could just wipe away the booze as much as you could and go back to do your job. But the one time you get to dress nice, the one time you can rid yourself of that ugly, stuffy uniform and feel pretty... had to be ruined by men. While it wasn’t exactly Dottore’s fault that he spilled his drink all over your dress, you still felt mad at Krupp for stepping on it when you all had first arrived. Was it petty to still be upset about it? Yes. Were your feelings justified? Also yes. 

Being the Doctor’s assistant was a chore. A challenge, sometimes. He was demanding, strict and you often had to walk on eggshells around him to avoid setting him off. Whenever it happened, he’d start ranting and raving about how incompetent everyone in the fatui was- although, he’d never point a finger at you, usually Krupp was on the receiving end of his bite (even if he wasn’t even included in the conversation). 

Knowing him well enough to understand his moods and personality had its perks. Unfortunately, it also had its drawbacks- those being how, naturally, your boss would also know how to read your mood surprisingly well. Dottore was known to be mean and ruthless to anyone he crossed path with, however, he’s always had a soft spot for you. 

Sometimes it was obvious that he did, but sometimes it was like he saw your coworker’s face instead of your own- scowling at your mistakes and scolding you harshly for mixing in the wrong powder in a flask. Whenever that happened, you could almost forget how he was able to hold you so gently, as if you were a glass sculpture ready to break if even the slightest breeze hit you. But if he were to be described with one word, you’d never call him dense- as entitled as he could be, the Harbinger was still (maybe surprisingly) quite well-versed in human emotions. 

You barely hear your name being called in the distance, muffled by the sound of the angelic piano and violin in the main area. Too caught up in your thoughts, you continue seething and aggressively rubbing away the sticky residue on your chest, muttering some choice words about your coworker and your boss. 

The door to the women’s bathroom flies open, revealing a frustrated but concerned Dottore, his curly hair a mess from how often he must have run his hand through it while he ran to find you. Uncaring of how he was intruding on your moment and how he was in the women’s restroom, he stomps over to you, gloved hands coming down to your shoulders as he closes the distance between you so he can look at the damage properly. 

He doesn’t speak for what felt like minutes, leaving your heart to pound in a mix of shock (who wouldn’t get scared at the sight of a Harbinger slamming a door open?) and nervousness. One of his hands come down to move your own that still held onto the (now damp) napkins as he stared at the front of your dress. 

The sweetheart cut of your dress was soaked, the edge and thin lace sticking to your skin, light indigo dye appearing darker because of the stain. Snapping out of your frozen stupor, you push his hand away and bring your hands back up to cover your chest, flustered from how hard he was staring with those blank, crimson eyes. 

“...You’re in the wrong bathroom,” you murmur, unsure of how to get him to leave you alone without possibly setting him off. Dottore’s eyes flicker up to your side profile, his expression still freakishly unreadable. 

You suddenly feel both of his hands on your cheeks as he manhandles you to look at him, your heart skipping a beat. Unable to bring yourself to stay mad, tears prick at your eyes, and you look down. Holding his gaze was impossible, not when you’ve been feeling humiliated since the start of the evening. He doesn’t comment on your sorrow, keeping on staring at you intently. 

“I can always buy you a new, nicer dress if that’s what you want,” you hear him say, voice uncharacteristically quiet, and maybe even... unsure? 

You shake your head softly, sniffling. 

“No? Why are you upset, then?” 

Hearing him so utterly confused, puzzled, perplexed made you even more frustrated. Furious, even. With your emotions all over the place and a newfound fury blazing in your limbs you snatch his hands off from your face and stomp out of the bathroom, shouting I’m waiting in the carriage! before stepping out into the chilly Mondstadtian evening breeze. 

Dottore stood there, brows furrowed and mouth agape in confusion as he blinked at your retreating figure. He didn’t have the chance to go after you because, as if on cue, Krupp interrupted the show. 

“I gathered some juicy intel, boss! Those Knights are incredibly foolish for being so loose lipped,” the mustached man declares proudly, acutely unaware of the stuffy atmosphere. Maybe not completely unaware, but he’s for sure ignoring it if he noticed it. Instead of hearing him out though, Dottore scoffs and walks into him, shoving him to the side with a scowl. 

“Don’t waste my time with your useless boasting. We’re leaving,” the Harbinger all but groaned, running a hand through his hair, stress emanating from him in waves. His assistant catches up to him, stuttering out a Of course sir! as he opens the door for him, his shoes digging into the cobblestone path. 

Dottore immediately looks at your sat figure, chin in your palm, looking out of the window. The sight would make him melt if it weren’t for his other assistant’s presence a mere meter away from him. He says your name quietly, softly enough that no one other than you can hear and Krupp steps into the carriage, shouting directions to the driver. 

“Can I stay in the lab next time?” you grumble, refusing to turn around and look at your boss and coworker. Krupp opens his mouth to scold you, but Dottore beats him to it, shooting him a sharp glare, lips curling down in a frown. 

“You can,” he answers you while still looking at his employee. “In fact, it’ll give me an opportunity to properly teach my other assistant some manners,” he adds, practically growling the sentence. Krupp swallows thickly and pretends to not be involved in the conversation, looking away nervously. On the opposite side of the plush seat, you hide the smile creeping its way onto your features.

Ignoring the way your heart swelled, you inwardly celebrate your small victory. Dottore could be brash and cruel, but you’ll always cherish the moments when he shows you some lenience. Especially when it’s at the cost of your coworker’s imprudence. 

[ae-azile]

I have another ChanBig plot for a fic in my head, one that would be dark, explicit, and somewhat traumatizing. 😬 It was likely loosely inspired by the information Chan provided in Gossip After Death, where Korn was considering throwing Big into a business deal with people who wanted to "alter" his duties. I feel like I am literally incapable of writing a one-shot in this fandom, so idk if I will attempt it or not, but here is the general outline:

Despite not taking any time off for an extremely long time, Chan takes extended leave to care for his dying father. The family is supportive and tells him not to worry about anything while he is gone. They encourage him to take whatever time he needs. While most of the guards tend to be intimidated by him, they offer their well-wishes and condolences when they cross paths with him prior to his departure. The only guard who goes out of his way to see Chan is Big, who brings him food and offers to help him pack. He offers to sit with Chan the night before to watch a movie. Chan surprises himself by saying yes. He didn't realize how much anxiety he had over everything until he was presented with the option of Big leaving or staying for a while.

Big drives him to the airport the next morning. Chan's father lives in London, and it will be a long flight. Big surprises him with some books and downloaded movies and shows on a tablet to help make the flight go faster and for him to take his mind off of things. It's something Chan needs. He doesn't particularly like his father. For the longest time, he hated him. He is starting to question why he agreed to do this. When he sees his father - sick, dying, and still as nasty as ever - Chan wonders if he might kill the man before the cancer finishes the job.

But there are some good things about going back to London. He sees his grandmother, who is somehow in much better shape than his father despite her age - and much nicer. Chan doesn't see how the two are related. He also catches up with a few cousins on his father's side, as well as their children. However, the best thing about being back in London is surprisingly the people who reach out from Bangkok.

Mainly one.

At first, Chan is curious, slightly critical, and surprised that Big has his personal phone. It's normally against the rules outside of certain circumstances. But then Big says that Chan isn't on duty to enforce the rule and that Porsche is surprisingly soft and empathetic when it comes to the technology rule. Chan having to leave to tend to his estranged, dying father made Porsche even softer and he convinced Kinn to do a trial run of letting the guards with seniority keep their phones so they aren't isolated from their friends and families.

While Chan has some concerns about the change, he doesn't make calls to express his criticisms. If that is mainly because he looks forward to Big's texts and calls everyday, then that's his business. He tries to stay professional and treat it as an employee checking in, but Chan finds himself talking to Big about things he hasn't spoken to anyone about. Chan even finds himself not caring about what time they talk, despite the six hour time difference. Big has a business dinner he needs to detail security for? Chan doesn't mind setting his alarm for 3 am so Big can call him and let him know everything went okay. Big can't sleep? Chan doesn't mind texting him while he feeds his father breakfast.

He prefers it.

When his father goes downhill quickly, has mere days left, and Chan is experiencing complicated feelings over the matter, only Big can ground him and make him feel calmer.

"He's going to die soon. I want him dead, but I also don't."

"I know."

"I already started arranging the funeral."

"Kinn mentioned he is on standby to get plane tickets in order to fly out. He and Porsche want to support you. Korn too, I think."

And since Chan isn't conducting matters at the moment, he can't just schedule Big to accompany them. All he finds himself doing is vulnerably asking if Big could make sure he is on their security team for the trip.

"You are one of our most trustworthy guards," Chan gives as an excuse, "I trust you to make sure they are safe."

"Is that the only reason, sir?"

Chan doesn't give Big an answer either way.

But when the funeral happens, only Korn and Pol fly out. Chan is confused for multiple reasons, and he can see that Pol does not want to be there. When Chan texts Big to see what is going on, he doesn't get a response. When he asks Korn what is going on, Korn just dismisses the concerns and says there were some minor mishaps but to focus on his family.

He ends up cornering Pol later that night.

"Khun Korn sent a few men to a get-together in order to spy on the Bianchi family. They didn't come back. Kinn and Porsche are trying to track them down and don't want to worry you when you are dealing with all of this-"

"Who? Which guards?"

"...Gear, Third, and Big."

The news makes him feel sick. He calls Kinn and Porsche incessantly until they finally give in and respond. He knows he comes off as more demanding and panicked than he ever has before, but he can't take the time to calm down. He doesn't even want to stay for the funeral. He wants to take the first flight back despite Kinn's promises to track them down and get them home safe.

And he certainly doesn't want to stay and accompany Korn back as his fucking guard, not when he is the one who sent Big.

And so he doesn't. He visits his grandmother late that night, tells her something happened and that he's leaving, and that he's sorry. His grandmother asks if it has to do with the guy he has been talking to, and he admits that it does. She surprisingly gives her blessing and he takes an early morning flight without saying a word to Korn.

When he arrives and turns his phone back on, he sees that he has several missed calls from his boss but he can't find it within himself to return them. He goes straight back to the compound and sees that Kinn and Porsche have both been made aware that he was likely coming back without notice. Porsche tries his best to give reassurances while Kinn promises to calm Korn down.

Chan frankly doesn't care. All he wants to do is get to work and track down Big.

Chan doesn't expect it to take months, nor does he expect Korn to tell him to let the matter go, that the guards can be replaced.

He also doesn't expect to quit on the spot. But since the guards can be easily replaced, Korn should have no issue finding a replacement for him. It's the first time in a while he has seen Korn look surprised - maybe even regretful - and it is probably the first time Korn has seen him this angry. While Kinn and Porsche promise to keep looking and ask him to please reconsider, Chan tells him he won't be back until Big is safe.

He only remembers to add Gear and Third as an afterthought. But by that point, Porsche's gaze becomes more knowing, and so does Kinn's.

Chan goes solo after that. He has more than enough money to live comfortably, and he doesn't need much to feel comfortable. Kinn and Porsche call to check in and to give updates on their search. Arm does too, and so does Tankhun, who tends to praise him for standing up to Korn.

Korn doesn't call once, although Chan doesn't expect him to, nor does he particularly care. All he can care about is finding Big, and it's feeling hopeless. Even when he flies to Italy to meet with a member of the family, they act like they have no idea what he is talking about. It's a wreckless meeting that leaves two people dead, and he gets no answers out of it.

He only gets answers when Arm reaches out to tell him he has discovered a large transaction between the Bianchis and the Kalashovs. Not long after, the Kalashovs rented a private plane and had an even larger transaction with the Hanchars, a prominent family in Belarus known for sex trafficking. Arm notes that the relationship between the two latter families seems new. Despite feeling sick to his stomach, Chan researches them and finds his way to weasel into their inner circle. He has skills to offer, and he is currently unemployed. When he is able to successfully send word that the top security expert for Thailand's most powerful family is looking to relocate and practice his skills elsewhere, it doesn't take long for someone to track him down.

He plays hard to get and unyielding at first. Being uninterested in what would be considered incredible offers makes criminals intrigued, and making it clear he wants to be regarded differently than he was at his last place of employment gets them to invite him to an exclusive event, an event where he can "enjoy" the best of their business practices. They will even let him bid on something that catches his eye.

While he had hoped saying yes to that would lead him to Big, he didn't expect to have to bid on him once he is put on display - naked, blindfolded, and clearly drugged. It takes everything within Chan to keep his composure as he puts in bid after bid, going high enough to make the men who think they are his prospective employers raise eyebrows. But what matters is that he's the highest bidder.

When Big is thrown at him and Chan catches him, Big immediately goes for Chan's clothes. Chan holds Big's hands in place and requests a private room. While the men in the room try to say he should let them watch - that it's more fun for everyone when there is an audience to watch the winner play with his toy - Chan says that he wants his toy to be able to see him, that he doesn't like the blindfold, and he is willing to pay extra to have a night with him alone.

They allow it, and Chan and Big are escorted to a room in the mansion. Once the door is shut, Chan rips off Big's blindfold and finds his composure crumbling.

"It's me," he says, cupping Big's face, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry it took me so long-"

"Would you like me on the bed or on my knees, sir?"

Chan pauses and takes the sight of Big in. He won't meet his eyes, he looks broken, and Chan is ready to go back out and kill every single man in the auction room.

"Neither," Chan says, "Look at me. I'm getting you out. You're going to be safe-"

"Would you prefer the wall? Or maybe the shower?" Big continues.

"Big, it's me," Chan says, shaking him slightly, "I'm here to HELP you, to get you out-"

"They're watching."

Chan pauses and glances around.

"There are cameras in every room," Big says, kissing Chan's face as he runs his fingers through his hair, "And they will keep watching until they are satisfied, especially for first time bidders. So tell me what you want and how you want to do it."

"I don't-"

"If you came here to save me, then you can't give them reason to think you might betray them," Big whispers into his ear, "They'll kill you. So I need to satisfy them by satisfying you. We'll go to sleep after and escape together in the morning. Do you understand?"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Notes for the plot after the rescue:

- Chan tries to make their first time as gentle and loving as possible. It's something Big is clearly not used to and is almost uncomfortable with. Chan isn't comfortable either. He hates that they are in a situation where they are both forced to do this. Chan thinks it is possible that Big is just paranoid by how much these people watch and give a shit about what they are doing. But then they get checked on by a high ranking staff and an offer for a partial refund is made if "the toy" isn't continuing to please Chan. Chan tells the staff to leave and they sleep together again. Round three happens on its own just before dawn. They haven't been bothered for hours and Big initiates, but it is all-consuming and desperate on both their ends because they both know they have the odds stacked against them as soon as they leave the room.

- The escape is brutal. While Chan is set on killing every person who put Big in this situation, Big is on a warpath and clearly holding onto a LOT of pain and resentment.

- They go on the run after they leave and somehow make it across the border. They don't stop driving until they hit Berlin and take a little time to rest.

- While Chan is relieved that Big isn't completely brainwashed like he initially believed, it's clear that he is traumatized. He routinely gets into a headspace where he assumes Chan wants sex. Or he gets paranoid that he will be dragged back to Minsk because Chan kept him for too long. He snaps out of these short episodes, but it's heartbreaking for Chan to witness at all.

- They share a bed, which comforts both of them. At first, Chan worries it may re-traumatize Big, but Big has nightmares that seem to not be as intense when they sleep together.

- Chan informs Kinn and Porsche of what happened. He doesn't get into the details, but he tells them that he and Big will not be coming back anytime soon, that Big can't handle a long flight right now. When Kinn asks about Third and Gear, the only information that Big has given is that they were too old so they were killed. Later, Chan learns they were tortured until Big cooperated with his new "job" and they were killed right after.

- When Chan thinks Big can handle a short flight, he gets him to London, where they stay with Chan's grandmother. She is very sweet to Big and makes sure he is comfortable. She recognizes he has been abused since she dealt with an extremely abusive and controlling husband.

- Kinn, Porsche, Tankhun, Arm, and Pol fly out after. Tankhun is surprisingly sweet to Big and eventually confides that he sort of understands what he went through, since he was hurt similarly when he was kidnapped. While Chan was aware of this, he is surprised Tankhun is taking the initiative to talk about it with Big.

- They take several days to go sightseeing. Chan spent his childhood and teenage years split between Bangkok and London. While he ultimately moved to Bangkok and stayed there since it let him feel close to his mother, he still has good memories of London, despite his strained relationship with his father. So Chan shows them around and the group feels like it is on even footing despite the strange dynamics.

- Korn isn't thrilled about two of his sons taking off for some extended trip to the UK. At all. It's only at this point that he starts calling Chan again. But Chan is still not returning his calls, which Korn isn't happy about either.

- The group catches onto something developing between Chan and Big. When Tankhun approaches him about the fact they cuddle together and share a bed, Chan is reluctant to talk about it but says he isn't going to push Big into anything.

- When they do end up slowly progressing in their intimacy, Chan is hyper aware of what Big needs from him and is very set on making sure they communicate with each other.

- Whether they go back to Bangkok or not is still up in the air. The same goes for their employment. Part of me thinks they might try lower risk jobs after they take the time they desperately need to relax and heal.

Anyway, that's all I have on the idea so far and it is still way more than I can do in a one-shot 😂 @chanbig @randomia-in-wonderland @fawndlyvenus I know you guys like this pairing, so you will have to let me know what you think of it!

[cultofdixon]

Caring for you, in my own way

Daryl Dixon [PLATONIC] • They/Them Pronouns • Non-Binary Reader • Daryl thought it was weird how attached you’ve gotten to him, but then he looks at how your dad treats you and if he were in your shoes? He’d be the same way • ANGST/SFW • TW: Domestic Abuse / Anxiety Attacks / Scars / Injuries / Parent Loss • Fuckton of flashbacks

Requested by: Anon

“Yknow what I’ve noticed?”

“Hm?”

“How close Y/N is to you”

“Seriously? Why are yea bringing that up now?” Daryl asks his best friend, Carol as the group was currently trying to find a home after the incident with Terminus…then the hospital…then the church…honestly, it all went downhill since this so called sanctuary came into frame. The walk they’re currently on, gave them time to talk.

“When should I have brought it up?”

“I don’t know. When we ain’t starving and dehydrated trying to find a place to call home…a time where I don’t gotta think about how much I’m screwing up”

“Screwing up with what?”

“Y/N”

________

Even Merle noticed how close this random kid was with his baby brother. They were about a year or two older than Carl and they would take every chance to get away from their parents. But especially their old man.

The kid’s name was Y/N. But Merle called them short-stack a lot because Daryl would always hold stuff above his head to get them from touching it. Especially when he started to try and make his own arrows because his bolts were breaking after overuse.

“No”

“But I can help”

“And hurt yourself? I said no” Daryl scoffs as Y/N plops on the ground beside him letting him work on the arrows. “When you’re older”

“Seriously?!” Y/N light up as they scooted closer to watch him carefully to take note of everything.

Merle laughed to himself at the sight of the two as it made him think of when that used to be like him and Daryl.

“[DEADNAME]!” Their old man yelled for them, Daryl watching their shoulders tense as they quickly got up heading over to the man while Merle brought himself beside his brother.

The two watched from afar noticing their father grab them forcefully and drag them into the small circle which was their family. Merle noticed his brother get tense and the grip he had on the bolt was at a force that could’ve bent the metal. He’s not the best with his emotions either but in the moment, one of his few good moments…he gripped Daryl’s shoulder making him stop his bottled up rage.

“All yea can do? Is be there for the kid” Merle states. “But the second he does anythin’ like our daddy in front of everybody? There ain’t no prison to go to” and that part was pure Merle, but Daryl would choose violence the second the kid was hurt by that son of a bitch.

________

The night crawls in and the cool weather was much nicer than hot Virginia heat from when the sun was still out. Daryl watches Y/N and Carl huddle up for warmth even if they were still feeling a bit of the heat exhaustion. So they leaned on each other but not too close.

Carol handed her canteen to Daryl with a look to give it to his kid as he was already going to do so before he caught a glimpse of the look.

“Hey, y’all gotta stay hydrated with what we’ve got” Daryl states handing the canteen to the two noticing Carl’s worried look for the same person as the archer instantly brought his attention to Y/N’s exhausted expression. “Hey…you there?”

“Mhm…” They mumble as they worked on getting the bottle open, leading Daryl to take it from them and open it up helping them.

“Both of y’all finish that, and give some to your sister if she’ll take it” Daryl states watching Carl nod as an indicator that he’ll make sure that Y/N gets some when they shared.

But as the night progressed and the fire started to go out slowly, Daryl found himself sitting up against a tree with Y/N fast asleep leaned up against him. He’d check every now and then if they were getting a fever from being out for so long in the heat.

________

“Who is that guy there?” Hershel asks Rick of the man looming over Y/N after taking their canteen.

“Y/N’s father”

“He got a name or did yea not bother”

“Nah he’s always kind of been to himself. Definitely doesn’t want the kid”

Hershel didn’t like hearing that last part, especially given their father was pushing them away whenever they wanted to ask him something. “Where’s their mother?”

“Dead. Lost her during a herd comin’ through. Almost the kid too if it weren’t for Daryl saying them”

That’s when they both watched Y/N instantly head toward’s Daryl when he came over to check on them after watching their father fail at his job. He handed them his water bottle before directing them toward the RV to help Lori, Carol, and Andrea with setting up the main campsite.

“Least they’ve got someone to care for’em”

________

“Rick, what’s the plan here?” Carol asks as she glances over to see how tired their people are but specifically the point where Y/N was close to collapsing from exhaustion and Daryl keeping them up with help from Maggie occasionally.

“Tryin’ to find a secure place for the storm comin’ in”

“Rick” Carol stops him for a second as the collective sigh that gave out from the others, out of relief gave him his realization. “We needed to find a place, yesterday. Or at least water! The creek is dried up from what the three (Maggie, Sasha, and Daryl) said when they went out looking, the heat has been striking all of us but Judith and Y/N especially…you knew from times on the farm and the prison how easy it was for some to get heat stroke. We haven’t faced a threat besides walkers…and even then we are too weak to take care of a herd. We need to find a place before—-“

And Y/N fell before she could even finish. Carol gave Rick another look that sent his mind racing even if the panic was already executing itself from Daryl as he got Y/N on their side.

“Who knows who’s next to take to the heat” Sasha frowns approaching the small scene as she did her best to help even if all they could do was collect Y/N and find a cool spot.

“I don’t even want to think about this happening to anybody else” Maggie states as the two heard Daryl’s annoyance in his growl.

“It happened! Stop worryin’ about the future and focus on now” Daryl snaps and that lead to another night spent in the woods.

While Carol kept an eye on Y/N’s unconscious form, their head propped up with Daryl’s vest. The archer went out during his watch in search for some form of shelter for the group to actually recuperate without the worry of a threat of any kind other than walkers. The moment alone led his mind to race.

I’m not cut out for this

I…Im the type to make it out alone

But all these people, I care so deeply for

And I feel like I’m failing

Especially them…fuck. Of course them

Seeing myself in their face when that bastard was still around…made me want to protect them even if the words never escaped to express such

My actions did. But now

Right now, I’m failing and I’m going to lose them too…

That’s when Daryl stumbled across it

________

“Are you okay?”

Daryl looks up from his lap after sitting outside thinking about what he had to do hours prior to returning to the prison. Ending his brother’s life after he had become part of the undead.

He half expected someone else, not Y/N to be standing there.

“Uh yea—-“

“You don’t gotta lie” Y/N frowns, knowing damn well that lying kept their true feelings to themselves but it would eat at them for a while. They weren’t about to let Daryl do such.

Because even if they aren’t blood, Y/N has always seen him as family given how he’s never turned them away when they needed him most.

Which lead to Y/N sitting with Daryl as he talked about the good moments he had with Merle and that he was an idiot for doing a Hail Mary for a handful of people that didn’t like him. But he guesses in a sense it was his last heroic act that helped them in the end…

“He was a good brother in his own Merle way”

“Yeah…exactly”

________

The small barn was a temporary luxury that the group used to recuperate.

Maggie sat against the wall with Y/N laying on the ground using her lap as a pillow after being instructed to do so. She carefully tucks away the hair that was stuck to their face resting her hand on their forehead making sure for his sake it wouldn’t get worse.

The group ran into a collection of water, that was up for debate, then it started to rain so they collected that water before heading to the barn. But Daryl went to the barn before that debate with Y/N keeping an eye on them until the group brought much needed water.

“How’re they doing?” Daryl whispers bringing himself to sit beside Maggie as she gave him a reassuring smile. “Good…good…did they drink any of the water or—“

“Daryl. Relax a bit. They did have some of the water and they’re cooling down.”

Daryl nods agreeing that he needs to relax but his attention never left Y/N’s sleeping form.

“Yknow…” Maggie starts knowing Daryl went to look at her. “Their old man scared me. Remind me of my daddy when he would drink, it was never a good sight”

“…Yeah, he was…fuckin’ scary”

“I wasn’t worried though. Once I got to know them, and who they look up to” Maggie shot Daryl a smile as everyone seems to be bringing that up or reminding him in a way…

That Y/N was important to him, and he was important to them…that their dad was just…some guy…while he took up that role.

________

“Y/N…? You alright?”

The teen avoided eye contact when hearing that their father didn’t make it outside the Terminus walls. They were still bitter about him not worrying an ounce when they were sick with the prison illness…but that doesn’t mean that they can just forget that he was their dad.

It was almost always bad, but some ounce of Y/N wanted to rekindle anything when they got older…hell. They can stop thinking about that now.

“He asked for it” Y/N frowns not knowing any other words to say as they quietly stepped away to take a second away from the group.

Maggie frowns watching the teen walk away and before she could show her sympathy or really any emotion, she watches Daryl follow them into the woods…leading her to curiously do the same.

The archer didn’t say a word to Y/N or even try to comfort them. He stood there making sure they didn’t do anything to hurt themselves and Maggie noticed Y/N realize that he was there which made them start sobbing. The man wasn’t keen on showing emotions, but being there was enough.

Daryl carefully took Y/N into his embrace holding them until they were ready to let go. Maggie didn’t even fully understand how close they were until then. He never showed his emotions before when around them, but then?

He didn’t dare let go

________

Alexandria…a strange new place, and a new luxury. Settling in the first night all together just to feel safer, Y/N stepped outside onto the porch when they noticed Daryl wasn’t inside anymore. They carried a blanket knowing the man would be keeping watch and it was always much appreciated.

Daryl heard the footsteps and turned to look at the teen, relieved that they are more active that night compared to the times of homelessness. He watches them cover him in the blanket and a bit of hesitance rested on their face.

“C’mere” Daryl lifted one side open for them to plop down beside him on the porch steps, getting under the blanket with him as the silence grew for a second. “You’re okay, I’ve gotcha”

And with that, Y/N fell apart leaning against him as he held them close letting the tears fall and the pain wash out the best it could. They were bottling up a lot…needing this.

Needing his security.

[samaraannhan20]

Bucky Barnes imagine: Fate

Warnings: Barton!reader, mentions of torture from Bucky's past, allusions to smut

“Thanks Nat,” I say, walking through the door that she was holding open for me.

“No problem kiddo, looks like you have your hands full,” she says, eyeing everything that I am trying to hold onto without dropping. 

“Yeah. I came straight from work. I’m headed to Bucks. He doesn’t know I’m already here though, which is why he isn’t down here helping me. I was supposed to stop at my apartment first, but I just wanted to get here,” I tell her, and she laughs. 

“Understandable. I just got back from a run with Yelena and I’m heading to Steve’s. He also doesn’t know I’m already back,” she says, and I laugh.

“Just two girlfriends surprising their men,” I say with a smile, and then follow her into the elevator. She presses the buttons for the two different floors that they’re on, and we make small talk on our way up. 

“See you for lunch Friday!” I say as I walk out of the elevator first, leaving her behind in the elevator to go up one more floor. She waves goodbye, and I nod my head because my hands are too full to wave. I watch her laugh as the door closes and walk the remaining feet to Bucky’s door. When I get there I kick it gently with my foot a couple of times, and step back as I hear him walk towards the door. 

“Can you take something? I’ve lost feeling in my arm,” I say as soon as he opens the door, not even bothering to say hello. He laughs and takes my water bottle and the bag of food, before moving to hold the door open for me to walk in first. I walk in and drop everything that I was still holding, which was just my school bag and lunchbox, onto the couch. I turn towards him as he puts the food and my water down on the table, and he turns to me with a smile. 

“Hi doll,” he says as he walks to where I am standing, stopping just in front of me. 

“Hi honey,” I say, stepping to him and wrapping my arms around his waist and burying my head in his chest. 

“Hard day at school?” he asks after dropping a kiss on the top of my head, and I scoff.

“That doesn’t even begin to explain it. No one wanted to participate in music class today,” I say, and then pull away and walk over to the table and start pulling food out as I keep talking. “Kindergarten was the same as always, which wasn’t so bad. First grade was squirrely, but we got a good amount done. Second grade was the same as first, but we got a little less done. Third grade is where it all started going downhill.” 

“Oh no. That’s like the middle of the day,” he says, sitting down across from me, opening his container and grabbing his fork.

“Yep. They had the attention span of a goldfish today and we made it through one song twice before their time was over. Then it was lunch, but I had a student come in for help on a solo, so I didn’t even get to eat. Oh speaking of, I should put my lunch box in the fridge,” I say, and go to stand up, but Bucky reaches out and places his hand on top of mine. 

“Eat first. That’s more important,” he says, and I nod and pick up my fork again, taking a bite before speaking up again. 

“So then fifth grade came in, and while I was working with one voice part at the piano, some students from the other voice part came over and banged the keys on the side of the piano I wasn’t playing, which pissed me off, and then I yelled at them.”

“That seems fair though,” he says, and I chuckle. 

“I was much nicer than I should have been. Then fourth grade came in, and they were insane like normal. I wish I had them before lunch because they’re generally better before then. I had to make them run laps. They were so crazy, and  I honestly think that made things worse. But they were my last class, so it wasn’t so bad. I left as soon as the parking lot was empty,” I finish talking and take another bite of food. 

“That explains why you were so early. Did you stop at your apartment?”

“No. I got food and came over here. I don’t have school tomorrow anyway, so it's okay. Spring break couldn’t have come at a better time. But enough about me, how was your day?” I ask him, taking another bite. 

“Same as usual. I went for a run with Steve and Sam, trained with Nat and Yelena, and then came back here. I had therapy at 2, but then I was done.” 

“How was therapy?” I ask him, reaching out to take his hand across the table. 

“It was okay. She said I’m almost ready to be done.” 

“That’s amazing!” I exclaim, jumping up out of my seat and going around the table to give him a hug. He pushes his seat out from the table, and I sit down in his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck. I pull back from the hug and press my lips to his in a short kiss. He pulls me back in for a longer kiss and I laugh into it. 

“Are you done eating?” he asks when he pulls away. 

“Yeah. Wanna clean this up and then go lay on the couch and watch a movie?” 

“I’m never going to say no to that question,” he says, and I laugh, standing up and starting to clean up the boxes that were scattered across the table. I walk over to the table and grab my lunchbox, taking the container of food out of it and opening the fridge. I put my lunch in, and then reach over to Bucky for the leftovers that need to go in. He hands them to me, and I put them in, before grabbing a beer for Bucky and a soda for myself and closing the fridge.

“Here,”  I say, handing him the beer and setting my soda down on the coffee table. “I’ll be right back, I’m going to go change.” He nods and leans forward to grab the remote, and I turn to head into his bedroom. When I get in there I grab one of his t-shirts from the drawer, and a pair of the shorts that I keep here, and quickly change. 

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

“Can we watch something really random?” I ask a couple hours later after our movie ended. 

“What is it?” he asks with a small laugh.

“Maybe… Taylor Swift music videos?” I mumble, and he lets his head drop back and barks out a laugh. “Hey! Most of them are movie quality! We could even watch the All Too Well short film!” I exclaim, and he laughs even harder. 

“Yeah doll,” he says when he can finally catch his breath. “We can watch music videos. But do you wanna go watch them in the bedroom? I’m getting kinda tired,” he says, and I jump up. 

“Of course we can! Let's go cuddle in your bed!” I say, grabbing his hand and dramatically pulling him up and towards the bedroom. He lets me yank him, and when I yank him close enough to me he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. I laugh and hit his back as he laughs and carries me into the bedroom, and then drops me onto his bed. I scoot up to the top of the bed, and flop back onto the pillows, still laughing. 

“Can I ask you something?” I say as Bucky settles in next to me on the bed. 

“Of course,” he responds, and wraps an arm around my shoulder and tugs me closer to him.

“How come I’m the only person you’re this calm and carefree with?” I ask, and he just stares straight ahead, absentmindedly rubbing my shoulder. “I mean, you’re also kind of like that with Steve, but not at the same level as with me.”

“I don’t know that I have a full answer for that doll. I guess I’m just more comfortable with you. For a long time I didn’t imagine I’d ever get the chance to fall in love again, but then you came along and here we are.” I turn my head to look at him, and stretch up to press a kiss to his cheek. 

“You have shown me the love I only dreamed of. I’ve always loved reading romance books. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic at heart, but I never fully expected to find that fairytale romance. But with you, I did. And just think, if my stinky older brother wasn’t an Avenger, we never would have met,” I say, and he chuckles. 

“Who knew Barton had an amazingly beautiful, kindhearted, caring sister hiding out with his family?” he says, and presses a kiss to the top of my head. “I didn’t think it was possible to love someone as much as I love you.”

“Me either. Not even my niece or nephews. The world really knew what it was doing, in the long run. Although I don’t think that you needed to be tortured in order for us to be together. I think that was just overkill,” I say, sitting up and leaning forward and looking into his eyes. 

“If I wasn’t tortured I would have died, and then we never would have met. I’m not saying I’m glad I was turned into the Winter Soldier, but I am glad that it brought me to you.” 

“I love you, “I say, as I lean forward and connect our lips. 

“I love you,” he says, and the pulls me back in, rolling us over on the bed.

[barbieaiden]

2. [Doorbell rings]

3. Kell: Sam. Fuck. Uh. I totally forgot you were coming. Sorry about the mess, I was going to clean.

Sam: Were you sleeping?

Kell: Yeah, but I should've probably woken up, like, 9 hours ago so it's a good thing you came.

4. Sam: I can help you clean.

Kell: Yeah, no, that's not happening, I would die from embarrassment. Sorry if it's smokey in here, I don't want to give you an asthma attack.

Sam: No, it's fine.

5. Sam: Are you okay?

Kell: Not at all.

Sam: Did something happen?

Kell: Well, I don't know if you know this, but one of my closest friends got himself into a coma?

Sam: Very funny.

Kell: Then it's been downhill from there. How is he? Aiden?

Sam: He's, um...

6. Sam: I don't know. He's acting like the whole thing was just nothing.

Kell: To be fair, he was unconscious the whole time so it was probably nothing to him. Plus, this isn't his first drug-related medical emergency, is it? You, however, were a wreck. Like a total mess.

Sam: I'm sorry, next time my fiancé is in a coma I'll think of being more presentable.

Kell: Good.

7. Kell: No seriously, pretty understandable with the situation and all. I'm glad things turned out the way they did, I'd have no one to get high with if Aiden died.

Sam: Kellan.

Kell: I'm kidding. Also, it wasn't weed that got him into a coma, Sam.

8. Kell: Seriously, though, actually seriously this time, I get it. I mean, I was a wreck too. Honestly, I don't know what I would've done if Aiden died.

9. Kell: Especially not like that. The waiting was the worst, not knowing if he'd be okay or not. I mean, I don't know about you but I had some hope he'd live, but still.

Sam: [Shakes head]

Kell: You didn't think he'd live? Like, at all?

10. Sam: ...no.

11. Kell: In other news, my date last weekend was so bad. Unimaginably bad. Easily top 3 list bad.

Sam: You have a list of your worst dates?

Kell: Well, Sam, some of us aren't super fucking lucky and randomly meet the love of our lives one day. I have to gamify it to maintain my sanity. She was really nice, though, it was my fault. I just wanted to go home the entire time.

12. Sam: Let me know if I can help.

Kell: With dating? You might be in a long-term relationship but you're not qualified.

Sam: No? You know what I meant.

Kell: Dude, you're literally the last person I'd unload my emotional baggage on right now. I'm more likely to do it to Aiden. Aiden.

Sam: Kell, you are not making me feel better.

Kell: I'm not trying to. I'm giving you a reality check.

13. Sam: I don't need a reality check, I'm well aware I've been a mess.

Kell: You literally went straight from a mental breakdown to taking care of Aiden.

Sam: Yes? He was in a coma? He's my fiancé? We live together?

Kell: Okay, now you're just making me feel lonely. You're literally third wheeling me and Aiden's not even here.

Sam: You brought it up!

Kell: Oh. Right.

14. Kell: Have you slept in the past week, by the way? Because it doesn't look like it.

Sam: I have. This is just what I look like.

Kell: It's not.

Sam: Yes, it is. You're just insulting me now.

15. Kell: My point is, you let me know if I can help you.

Sam: You could have phrased it in a nicer way.

16. Sam: Can we talk about something else? I'm getting tired of coma related conversations.

Kell: Oh, for sure. I can tell you about my worst dates list and you can laugh at me. I have it written down and everything.

Sam: What?

Kell: Yeah, with details. Do you want to see?

Sam: ...sure.

[keepsmagnetoaway]

Marvel Fanfare 1 (March 1982)

Chris Claremont/Michael Golden

Marvel Fanfare was an 80s anthology comics series, designed as a kind of upscale, "serious" comic: double-length, printed on nicer paper, with a rotating set of stories, only available through specialist order. When it launched in 1982, it was with a four-issue main story starring Angel and Spider-Man, and written by Chris Claremont, presumably on the basis that he was then the most attention-grabbing talent they could put on a new title (and because Claremont simply couldn't stop writing stuff): Spider-Man, of course, was also the obvious character with which to launch a new book, though we obviously are reading it because of Angel. It fits in here with Angel having semi-recently quit the team to do his own thing, which turns out to be hanging out on his mega-ranch, making friends with bald eagles and making out with Candy Southern.

That absolutely stunning two-page spread, with panels running across both pages, is how this comic sets the scene. The art is by Michael Golden, the guy we recently saw doing Rogue's debut, and I had some negative stuff to say about his faces and figures then (alongside some nicer stuff about the rest of his work), but here I like his work much more. He also did his own colours, and those colours are spectacular - I really like his repeated trick of bright tones and shades of one colour for backgrounds and flashbacks.

As for what's actually happening in this issue? It's Karl Lykos, baby! I have a certain amount of affection for ol' Sauron, not because he's a good character, particularly - gifted psychiatrist turns psycho energy vampire turns pterodactyl is not, like, a particularly good story, and I hate the Savage Land, where he tends to hang out - but because his original story is from the brief golden age in which Neal Adams drew the pre-cancellation X-Men. We also saw him again in the Hidden Years series but I prefer not to think about that.

Right, that was a lot of preamble. Anyway, Lykos' old girlfriend - who he'd been forbidden to marry back in the day, triggering his spiral into rage and eventual disappearance into a hidden Antarctic kingdom of dinosaurs where he lives out his days as an evil pterodactyl, it could happen to the best of us - comes back and wants to find him again after [mumble] number of years, Angel agrees to help and J Jonah Jameson sends Peter Parker to take photographs of this process because Spider-Man on the cover sells books. It doesn't go great.

That's not Sauron, by the way, that's just a regular pterodactyl, like they have in the Savage Land. This is where this whole quite promising set-up goes south (cos they're in Antarctica, geddit) as I'm reminded that I hate the Savage Land and it's 30s pulp adventures vibes. This is also a story closely involved not just with the original Sauron issues but the other, more recent Savage Land visit (which Angel wasn't present for), in which Sauron was also incidentally involved.

Truthfully this is a very strange story with which to launch this book: it's extremelty closely entwined with some very specific and atypical X-Men backstory, much of it probably not easily available to readers at the time, and Spider-Man is very clearly wedged in there for no very good reason. It's absolutely gorgeous, though.

Eventually - god, this is a long post - Spidey winds up trapped, not by Sauron but by the coterie of mutants Magneto left behind when he abandoned his base here. Again, this is...difficult to care about but it looks stunning, and this stuff is very clearly a direct tribute to Neal Adam's style and mode.

So, that was a weird one. I believe this runs for three more issues, and I'm interested to see where it goes: but also, this is the Savage Land, and I'm grimly certain Ka-fucking-Zar is going to show up, so it's probably all downhill from here.

[losojos-decupido]

🍪+4

Box in hand, and no one left amongst those he knows to challenge with the remainder of its contents, one blue champion (well, not in pocky games, yet) wanders campus in search of competitors. Down the halls of the monastery, his gaze lands on a boy he guesses is around his age, even if he's a fair bit taller.

"Hey!" Al calls out, shaking the package of cookies in front of him with a grin. "Have you played yet? Try me!"

seated at a small table near the garden, fogado idly sips tea and watches all of the games unfold before him. from what he's observed, some have led to... interesting outcomes. some have been more mundane!

...oh, but who's he kidding. they're mostly disastrous. one guy kissed a girl, not knowing her boyfriend was behind him! another tried using it as a way to confess... forgetting that the girl she asked was allergic to dairy! boy, for a game seemingly about kiddy crushes, pocky sure had a way of making things go downhill mega-fast.

despite all of that, well... fogado wishes he could get a little more into it. he feels depleted; either he's danced around kissing others or he's, ahem. Encountered Some Choice Characters. it's hard wanting to go further after this.

but it makes people happy. so he's got to!

someone with blue hair---close to his age, fogado gathers---approaches him with a brilliant smile and an eager shake of cookie box. fogado looks for the nicer things, like how cute this guy is and how this flavor isn't one he's had before. yeah, he can do it. especially if this guy wants to play.

" ha ha, sure! i haven't been too much of a winner, though... " with a smile of his own, fogado stands and pulls a stick from the box. pocky in mouth, biting commencing...

( 1d6 = 2 )

a gust of wind breezes over him and makes him shiver, causing just enough force for the pocky to break. " aw, dang---i'm really not good at this, am i? " he laughs, rubbing the back of his head. " by the way, i'm fogado. nice to meet'cha! "

[johnslittlespoon]

It just makes so much sense that you were writing in 2013, you have the unhinged vibe that the golden fics from that era had.

I'm just here to compliment you really lol, mostly because I am giving a try to write a lil something for the first time and god I can only dream of ever being able to write as good as you. I've been writing poems and music for years now but i find writing actual coherent storys with characters and dialogue so so hard.

I was wondering if you have any tips, or like little rules you follow when you write.

all the love, xxx

🌷

I'M GONNA CRYYYY this was the sweetest thing in the world to wake up to wtf wtf <333 thank you SO much, i really appreciate this wahh my heart :'))) but also you are SILLY. don't compare yourself to others!! if we all did that constantly we'd never get anything written!! there are SO many authors i adore on here that will always have me chasing the "i wish i could write like that" feeling and it's a great motivator but alsooo at the end of the day. you gotta fall in love with your own words and characters and stories <33

and i feel that so much!! we are twinsss, i also started out writing poems and music and then realized i had stories i wanted to tell that wouldn't fit in shorter form, then discovered fanfic in middle school in the early '10s and it was all downhill from there LOL. truly such a golden era tho oh my god. growing up reading the hat fic and borderline illegible wattpad stories was certainly... formative!

yapping ahead vv (i don't have much advice bc i'm still just learning as i go but hopefully some stuff i picked up on can be a bit helpful!)

i have zero method to the madness when writing so it's a relief to know it doesn't come off that way LOL but i do have a few little things that i follow and i always look for them when beta–ing as well! they're pretty small technical things and they're generally up to personal preference, but some of them come from authors i admire and i think they can really take anyone's writing up a notch <3

i don't feel qualified to give advice because i'm just raw–dogging everything lmao i've never taken classes or anything, so take all this yapping with a grain of salt bc it's just what's worked for me!

– i try to use descriptors like "the man" or "the blond" or "his friend" etc sparingly. i wish i could remember the source, but i read a great piece about why it's better to just go with the character's name 99% of the time, and then i went through so many of my works to edit them and i felt so much more confident in my writing afterwards– it made a big difference in readability (imo).

ofc there are exceptions, like if the name of a character is unknown, or if there are too many names being thrown around in one sentence and a "the man" or "the soldier" etc just sits nicer. i definitely still use them occasionally! but it does sometimes put some distance between the reader and the story when those descriptors are used too often instead of names, so it's a good thing to keep an eye out for when it comes to flow. sometimes less or more or whateva ??

– sorta on the topic of less is more, i love challenging myself to show vs tell when i can! whether it's by keeping dialogue short and letting actions speak instead (can add to intimacy/realism– we communicate so much through body language yk), through metaphors (literally how my whole '#john egan is dog coded' fic was born LOL), or describing feelings rather than spelling them out (his heart ached vs he was sad, his pulse raced vs he was scared, you get the gist). you said you've been writing poems so i feel like stuff like that would already probably come easily to you tho! <3

– this guide on ao3 is great for smut writers! whether someone's a beginner or just looking for ways to elevate the filth, i found it really helpful, it's a fun read as well lol. it calls out stereotypes/cliches and teaches you how to reword them, gives lists of slang and reactionary words, do's and don't's, etc. i don't follow everything in it but that's the beauty of writing; we all have things that work for us and things that don't and that's so okay. :-)

– in the same way that artists use references to practice and find their style, you can do that with writing too! i know a lot of writers have a doc or note where they jot down stylistic things they find while reading that they'd like to emanate, or words they want to use, specific phrases, descriptors, etc. if i'm reading a fic and find an auditory descriptor i like, i might take note of it, stuff like that. sorta like a text document version of a pinterest board!

– thesaurus.com is my best friend truly. often going with the 'simplest' version of a word makes for smoothest reading so someone isn't taken out of the story being like wtf does that word mean lol but sometimes things can feel repetitive, or like there just needs to be a little bit more spice; i probs go back and forth btwn my doc and thesaurus a dozen times an hour tbh.

that's all i can think of rn and ik those are pretty basic so i'm sorry about that!! i really do just kinda write what evokes emotions in myself, and then i hit post and hope it translates over to whoever is reading too :') drawing from your own experiences if you can/really sitting with what the characters would be feeling in whatever scenario you're writing is probably the most powerful way to present what you see in your mind.

i have a hard time writing about emotions/things i haven't personally experienced, so i usually stray away from it out of fear of not getting across what i want to, but some people are great at winging it and putting themselves in unfamiliar shoes so!! it's again just personal preference really.

and alsooo be kind to yourself! i'm an anxious wreck every time i post any of my writing, i am very much not confident when posting new fics and i agonize over my docs so much and trash a lot of works, but i know at the end of the day i can't grow or learn if i don't get the words down, and i can't get feedback or gain confidence if i don't post. becoming your own hype man and giving yourself the opportunity to improve is essential <33

sooo much love and best of luck!!! lmk if you end up writing smth, i'd love to read it (◠‿◠✿)

[v1smokewife]

Who is this person - chapter five

On a quest to find love on a dating website, Sanji falls head over heels for a woman with an interest in...alternative relationships that sends him down a rabbit hole of completing tasks for a seemingly sadistic mistress. But what happens when she turns out to be more than what she seems?

Or

Zoro pretends to be a female on the internet to talk to Sanji and bad things happen.

Read on ao3

fanfic contains themes of bad bdsm practices, homophobia, manipulation and coercion. not a fluffy zosan fic. Proceed with caution.

A week had passed since things had started and Zoro was well and truly fucked.

He’d not stopped at fingering. No, that was just the beginning of how far things would go. Every single command that he had given. It was like having his own porn star on hand for all of his dirty fantasies.

The trouble with porn though is that once you start it goes downhill from there. What I mean by that is that you tend to start looking for worse and worse until you’ve reached the bottom of the barrel. The more and more this went on, the more Zoro began to see Sanji less and less as someone he knew personally and more like porn for his eyes. Oh yes, they would converse, and Sanji was a lot nicer to him this way, but Zoro looked forward to the little requests he would make and then what he would do next.

It was just the facts. There was no point in hiding it. He didn’t see Sanji as a person as much as he saw him as a source of entertainment now. A fact in which he was deeply ashamed of. A fact that kept him up at night and made him hate himself even more. Never in his life has he ever felt this vile towards a person. Yet, when he goes into the photos section of his phone, the little regard he had for him his shown by the gallery of filth.

He was obsessed with Sanji. This much was clear, and it was only ever going to get worse and worse as the days dragged on.

Zoro’s eyes were currently drawn to his phone despite the fact that Luffy was standing at the kitchen counter. They were both in Zoro’s apartment currently. Luffy was no where near him, but Zoro was still apprehensive. Sanji had sent ‘Zoey’ more videos. One’s that were in a public changing room. He had managed to get him onboard with sending more videos despite giving very little in return. Zoro was too busy looking at the thumbnail which had Sanji perfectly framed like a goddamn perfect cinematographer would.

“Hey, do you want to go to the Baratie tonight?”

Through his thoughts, Luffy’s carefree and happy voice sounded through the depth of his despair. Like sunshine through a storm. Luffy was none the wiser to anything that had been going on. How could he be? Even though they spent every day together, Luffy never pried into anything. That was why Zoro enjoyed his company. Much more so over Nami…who has been weird with him ever since. Although, he could understand her reasoning but, in her mind, it should be over. Or maybe she knows something more than what she is letting on.

But even then, he’s barely seen her. How could she know?

“Not particularly,” Zoro didn’t mean that. There was an excitement bubbling up in his stomach. A feeling he got whenever he thought about the fact, he would see Sanji as himself. It was a strange feeling. It was like being hidden in plain sight. All it would take was a gesture to his phone and then Sanji would know what’s been going on. Would he believe him? Or would he be in that much denial that he’s possibly being played for a fool by someone he hates.

“Awh come on. Shanks ain’t gonna be here tonight. I’m going to be so bored on my own and I know that Sanji is working,”

“That’s exactly why,” Zoro crossed his arms in feigned indifference. An indifference that wasn’t correct or true in the slightest.

“I don’t understand why you hate him anyway,” Luffy said with the sincerest innocence that rivalled his own dark brewing thoughts, “He’s a good cook. What more could you want in a friend?”

“He’s an asshole. There’s more to being a good friend than being a good cook,” Zoro responded rather dismissively.

“Oh, I know that. It’s not like you or Nami can cook,” If that came from anyone else, Zoro might have taken it as shade, but it was far from shade. It was just a fact in Luffy’s eyes, “He’s never been an asshole to me,”

“I’m happy for you,” Why did that sound a lot meaner than it meant to be. Zoro shook it off and continued, “Fine. We’ll go to the Baratie tonight,”

“I knew you’d come around,” Luffy threw his fist into the air, nearly knocking himself into the counter in front of them, “I already have Nami onboard too,”

Oh goodie. Nami. Wonderful.

“That’s fine with me,” Zoro responded with more indifference, even if it wasn’t particularly true. He could be indifferent all he wanted but his mind was on other things. Like his current plan. His mind has been turning about what he wanted to do next with Sanji. Luffy continued to talk about something. Normally the conversations tended to be about what him and Shanks had been up to recently (Shanks was something of an adoptive father…kinda) or what Luffy had been doing with any a number of his friends.

See, he knew this had to come to an end. He knew just as well as anyone that he couldn’t keep his up for too long. He knew this moment of joy had an expiration date and well, he had to bring this into real life. He knew this because every day, Sanji asked Zoey if they could meet up and Zoey gave him excuse after excuse on why they couldn’t. It wasn’t the right time or Zoey couldn’t make the commitment. He didn’t know if Sanji was stupid or desperate to make things work with her but he accepted her excuses…well, until they next day when he’d ask again.

Although Zoro through him dumb and pathetic for being so accepting of every lame excuse no matter how silly they probably all seemed, he admired the determination to ask every single day of the week the burning question. When would they meet?

Never. Because Zoro had a plan to put Sanji in his lap before Sanji even figures it out.

And it starts with a simple question. One that Zoro had typed out on the phone. No hello, no greetings or small talk. Right into the meat and potatoes. While Luffy was busy regaling some cook and awesome tale that he had been doing with Shanks, Zoro half listened and then typed out onto his phone.

Z: I’ve been meaning to ask.

Z: Have you ever thought about…exploring sexuality a little?

He pressed send on the message then looked up at Luffy who was currently helping himself to whatever food was in the cupboards. Zoro could only look up and speak.

“I’m going to the bathroom,”

Luffy didn’t look at him and just raised his hand with a thumbs up in his direction, “Have fun!”

Oh, he will.

Zoro got up and left Luffy to his own devices in the kitchen before going into the bathroom where he leaned up against the sink. Immediately, his fingers were reaching for that video in the messages before Zoro played it. He was delightful over the sight. A partially naked Sanji sitting on the floor of a changing room. His fingers slick with lube as they press and prod against that tight rim.

He wanted desperately to feel that rim stretched around his cock so badly. Wanted it…craved it. All Zoro wanted was to feel Sanji come apart underneath him. He didn’t even like Sanji in a romantic sense but seeing him like this was driving him absolutely insane. It was like an obsession he couldn’t break away from or a spell because he was totally hypnotised by the way that he moved.

The way his long fingers slipped inside that tight hole and the way that Sanji’s head always learned back in pleasure as he did it. The way he moved his fingers in and out of himself. It was the kind of way someone who is so unsure but gets lost in it either way.

The moans though…the moans were music to his ears and the more he heard them, the more he became addicted to them.

Fuck it, he couldn’t last much longer. He used a hand to get himself out of his pants so he could wrap his fingers around his cock. It felt like the release he really truly needed. If he could get his plan to work, maybe…just maybe he could get to feel that tight hole around his cock. Even if it’s just once…even if it’s once and then that’s it. He could live with it being a once off thing but he needed it desperately.

“Ah- Master-!”

Sanji’s voice in the video brought him out of his thoughts. In Zoro’s mind, he was trying desperately to imagine that his hand is some part of Sanji’s body…his hole or his mouth…he doesn’t know what he would prefer at this point.

“That’s it…” Zoro grunted, as if he was really there, “Take it…take it you slut,”

He couldn’t help it. The way the blonde pissed him off whenever he seen him, he would die on the spot for the privilege to call Sanji a degrading nickname like that.

He didn’t last much longer. Shortly after he watched Sanji come over his waist and it made Zoro want to do the same. In a hypothetical situation where he’s fucking Sanji, he would love nothing more than to cum on his beautiful face or on his waist…but then again, he couldn’t imagine not cumming inside that perfect ass.

Zoro finished with a groan, pressing his hips and rutting into his own hand as he came into them. He continued to stroke until he was over it and he finished the video. Every video Sanji sent was wonderful. For being inexperienced, the blonde really knows how to send a video. Now, time to try and go outside. Maybe tonight, he’d see Sanji.

——————————

“Sanji!” Luffy banged on the door of the Baratie that night. The three of them were standing in the rain. Nami had joined them, and it did nothing to settle Zoro at all. What was worse was Sanji had yet to reply. It was rather unusual as even during his busiest days he normally would reply.

Then again, knowing Sanji, he’s probably taken offence to this question. It was going to take a hard sell for Zoey to convince Sanji to try men. Sanji is very reluctant to do anything with men in the best of days so this would be something that would take a hard sell, but Zoro thought it was perhaps possible.

If he could promise meeting Zoey at the same time…then perhaps…

“Hey hey I’m coming,”

Out emerged Sanji, looking rather disgruntled. Either paperwork got him down or annoyance from Luffy banging on the door one or more times. Using a key, he opened the door and he nearly had to hold his hand out to stop Luffy from coming inside, “What have I told you? If Zeff finds out…”

“Oh, he’s not gonna find out. Come on, let me in!” Luffy basically pushed his way past Sanji and headed straight to the kitchen. The strength of that boy. Nami was next, batting her eyes at Sanji and ducking under his arm which Sanji folded easily under. Of course, he would let Nami through. However, when Zoro popped his head through, Sanji nearly slammed the door straight at him, but it was lucky that Zoro caught the door with his hands.

“Nice try,” Zoro said rather smugly. One would assume that Zoro was being smug because he caught the door but seeing Sanji here right now, he could practically hear the moaning and begging in his ears. The flushed expression on his face…he could see if like a shadow. Oh, how Zoro wished he could reveal his little secret at Sanji sometimes…how he could turn that face of disgust into horror at all the acts of pleasure he’s unseeingly done for Zoro’s eyes. How he wished that he could reveal it now?

Christ. Now he really wanted to jack himself off thinking about him. More importantly, thoughts of jacking off on his face flooded his brain so Zoro turned around and headed to the bar.

He would ruin his own plans and he didn’t want to do that. Not here anyway. Instead, he just pushed past the blonde who mumbled something under his breath.

“You talk a lot of shit for someone who I could easily beat the shit out of right now,”

Sanji’s eyebrows knitted together, “Yeah yeah. Just shut the fuck up and get inside. I’m only tolerating you because Luffy keeps you around,”

There was only a laugh that came out of Zoro as he took up his usual space, near the bar where he would accept his one free beer minimum that Sanji graciously allowed to him. At first, it was only Nami that was allowed one drink and then Zoro complained loud enough that he got the drink too…so he graciously accepted his one beer.

Now, all he had to wonder was if Sanji was annoyed at Zoey for asking such a question.

“So! Sanji,” Nami’s voice rang through before Sanji could make his way back to the office, “How was your date yesterday?”

Wait, how did Nami know?

“Ah!” There was a little bit of a flush on the blonde’s face. Zoro leaned back and recalled the events. If by ‘date’ Nami meant he was given a task to take some very compromising pictures in a changing room then sure, that was a date, “I…Yes, it went well. Thank you Nami. I think it’s getting serious,”

Zoro could only lean back. Really? Getting serious? Is that the impression Sanji got?

He really had to wonder what planet the blonde was on to think that this was a serious relationship. Zoro only had to wonder what made him think that in his head right now.

“See, I told you. Plenty of fish in the sea,” Nami seemed smug. Almost too smug for Zoro’s liking. It felt like she knew something that he didn’t…or more likely to be the case…what Sanji didn’t know, “You didn’t need Zoey anyway,”

“Ah! Yeah…”

Zoro could see that Sanji was uncomfortable and to be honest, Zoro was feeling pissed off at Nami for bringing it up. Did he have a reason to be pissed off? No, because he hadn’t learned his leason but Nami didn’t know that. Nami was just doing it to be petty. That much was clear to him right now.

“I’m surprised a girl has even tolerated you…” Zoro couldn’t help himself in the middle of all this awkwardness that he was currently feeling right now with Nami’s piss poor attitude, “Must have really fucking shitty standards,”

“You’re just jealous because no one would probably go near you in a million years,” Sanji was quick to shoot back with almost a Jekyll and Hyde transformation when it came from going from being all cute and blushing to Nami to being… well a dickhead to Zoro. Typical. Nothing every really changes here.

“I’m not fucking jealous of you scourging the internet for a girlfriend. It’s fucking pathetic, curly,” Zoro tilted his head back and gestured vaguely before taking a sip of his lukewarm beer, “I could get someone, but it wouldn’t be on the fucking internet, that’s for sure,”

“Zoro,” Nami’s voice spoke before Sanji could even retaliate, “Can you both just get along for a change?”

“When he stops being a fucking asshole,” Zoro slinked back with his beer. Sanji said something along the lines of “says you” before storming off into the back. Zoro doesn’t say anything for a moment before he looks over at Nami.

“Okay…what was all that about?”

And as usual, Nami feigns innocence, “What is what about?”

“You know…that,” Zoro said, before leaning back up instead, “If you honestly think I’m getting all jealous about Sanji having a girlfriend then you need to think again,”

“I don’t think you’re jealous…” Nami muttered but Zoro knew there was still something behind it and he was going to say something.

“What is your fucking problem?” Zoro placed the beer down. It was serious time. Time for a serious chat, “Ever since you found out, you’ve been on my back. Can’t you just move on,”

Oh. That was it. Nami turned and glared at him, “I just can’t believe you won’t admit that you’re wrong. That’s my problem, Zoro. You did something so messed up to one of my friends and you honestly expect me to be cool with you,”

Oh Nami. If you only knew the contents of his phone’s memory or the things, he things about at night after finishing a conversation with Sanji. If only you knew… if you only knew how bad things had gotten since then. You would be absolutely mortified. You’d probably kill him. That’s what he wanted to avoid happening. He didn’t want Nami getting involved again.

“Yeah well, I did as you asked. Short of apologising, I don’t know what else you want me to actually do about it,” Zoro played it casual even if he was starting to get annoyed at the direction of the conversation. He kept thinking and hoping that Nami would just leave him to enjoy his beer, but this little thing had become a festering sore spot between them, and Zoro didn’t really know how to swat it away. Maybe Nami would keep at it until he found something out…which was not great…not great at all.

“You won’t admit you were in the wrong…that’s my issue,” She sighed. Zoro didn’t really know what to say to that seeing as he knew well and truly that he was in the wrong, but he really didn’t know what she wanted him to do about it while they were here. It seemed to be the end of the conversation and Zoro seemed to refuse to acknowledge it for a minute as he slinked back in his chair with his beer in hand…

LOGGING ON; S

Z: I’ve been meaning to ask.

Z: Have you ever thought about…exploring sexuality a little

How did one singular message send you into a whirlwind of emotions.

He had been staring at it for hours and he’s simply not really sure how he’s supposed to respond to it. He’s never really thought too deeply about this. He’s been comfortable for years being a straight man. In fact, he’s never even thought deeply about what it would be like to date a man. He’s never considered it.

However, Zoey is asking him and it’s likely to get him to do so. He’s not stupid. Rose tinted glasses yes, but Sanji can read between the lines of a conversation and know why she’s asking. He just doesn’t know how he feels.

Would he be…open to doing things with a man?

At first, he is thinking absolutely not but then the more and more he thinks about it, the more and more possibilities begin to open.

Okay well maybe not a long-term thing but what about a once off? Would be be so against it if Zoey was there? What if they had a threesome with another man? Would he really be against that?

One message had him questioning himself a little too much. In the office, he’s so behind on the work he’s supposed to be doing. He should have been almost done with cashing up but he’s barely started and all because he doesn’t know how he feels about Zoey is asking him.

Is she going to ask him to have sex with another man? Because he doesn’t know if he’s ready for that at all.

S: Sorry I didn’t respond earlier.

S: I don’t really know how I feel about that. I’ve never thought about men that way.

She was almost immediately back to him. It was like she must have been waiting at her phone for him to reply to her pressing question.

Z: Hmmm…

Z: What if I was there?

Z: If we had a threesome with another man, would you be open to that?

A threesome with another man doesn’t necessarily mean he has to interact with said man. He could always focus entirely on Zoey. Although, with the basis of the conversation, she’s looking for something entirely different.

S: Hmm... still not sure.

Z: Have you ever had thoughts about men?

Z: You don’t have to be afraid of telling me. I want to help you feel more comfortable with yourself.

S: I’m not sure.

S: Truthfully, I’ve never thought too deeply about it.

Z: I understand where you are coming from.

Z: I’d never make you do something that you don’t want.

Z: But I think it would be good for you to try and open your mind to other avenues of pleasure.

Z: I would like to help you with that.

The thing was that the way that Zoey spoke about it as if it was a big life changing experience. Well, for Sanji, it probably would be somewhat life changing as he’s never ever even considered this in the past.

He doesn’t even like men in a friendly way. He tried to think of he had male friends. Okay, Luffy but Luffy was different. Luffy was in general a good person. Most men are not good people. If his own family…

No, he’d rather not think about that. His biological father and brothers can rot wherever they are now. He’s lucky now. He has a much better father figure. Zeff was not like most men he’s met either. Sure, Zeff was an asshole when he wanted to be but he really owed it to Zeff for him still being alive.

There was Zoro…but Sanji didn’t want to think about him. Zoro was a pain in the ass. He didn’t dislike Zoro by any means. No, there was a great deal of respect for Zoro but at the same time…goddamn Zoro was a fucking asshole too. The way he was probably sitting through in the bar, lapping up his one free drink like the bordering alcoholic he is whilst being smug about it…goddamn, not he was the LAST person Sanji would have sex with. Hell, if, for example, Sanji was feeling that way and wanted to try men out… then it wouldn’t be Zoro. Zoro was perhaps the last person he would have sex with. He wouldn’t even have sex with Zoro if they were the last two people on the planet…not that it would have any biological benefits because neither of them could have children but that wasn’t the point of this rant.

The point was that Sanji really needed to give this some thought.

S: Can I think about it?

Z: Of course.

Z: No stress.

Why did it feel like she was being awfully short with him now? He flat up had now forgotten with what he was doing now

S: … is everything okay?

He didn’t want to upset her. He really didn’t want to ruin what they had even if she was currently asking something totally out there.

Z: I’m fine.

Z: Just take your time thinking about it.

Z: I’m off.

Zoey is offline.

Sanji could feel the sting of these words as she made her internet exit out. A feeling not too different from a tight stabbing anxiety festered in his chest as he watched the screen as if she would jump back and by like ‘sike just kidding lmao’ but she was truly offline now and truly annoyed with him. He couldn’t see her…but he knew she was.

“Fuck sake...”

Should he have just gone with what she was asking him?

Sanji decided he had to high tail it out of here. He quickly did a shoddy job of cashing up and getting all the paperwork done with. His head was just filled with it now. Filled with regret and a smidge of anxiety that maybe he should have just went along with it. She had been so good to him all week…why would he do something to upset her? Yeah, it was because of him being uncomfortable but he was supposed to be a man about the whole thing.

He shoved his phone in his pocket before going out to see Nami, Luffy and Zoro in the bar. For some reason, the joy that Sanji would feel seeing his friends was not there. The annoyance at himself for ruining his thing with Zoey was there.

“Hey!” Luffy said, almost bounding over with excitement, “The food that you left? Incredible. Truly wonderful. Pity there wasn’t more…I almost went into the big fridge and- “

“You better not have!” Sanji’s voice came sharper than it normally would which was visible in Luffy’s face. Sanji quickly realised that he wasn’t acting right and coughed, “I…uh, have a headache. I won’t be hanging around,” He tried to manage a smile although it clearly wasn’t real, “Sorry,”

Luffy’s face relaxed and a smile came onto his face, “Hey, don’t sweat it. I’ll find somewhere else to get good food don’t worry,”

“Is everything okay?” Nami’s voice was a lot more concerned filled. She had noticed he didn’t seem as happy as he had earlier.

“I’m fine. Just a headache,” Sanji tried to brush it off. He didn’t want them to worry mainly because he didn’t want Nami to know he didn’t listen.

“Did your girlfriend dump you because you’re the headache?” It seemed completely uncalled for an unnecessary when Zoro piped in but confusingly enough, Zoro’s attitude completely changed too. To the unknowing eye, it was as if Sanji infected Zoro with his shitty mood because Zoro’s demeanour changed entirely. He was once relaxed looking but his words had a sharpness to them. He wasn’t relaxed at all.

Nami gave him a confused look. Where had this came from? She seemed to be the only one in the room that picked up that both Zoro and Sanji suddenly changed attitudes that almost mimicked each-others. Even Luffy looked at them both with confusion.

That was incredibly suspicious…especially on Zoro’s part.

“You got a fucking problem, shithead,” And of course… Sanji was already in a bad mood so both of them being in a bad mood. As Zoro was about to get up, Nami stood in the space between them both.

“Seriously guys, one night? One night where you both don’t fight, please,” Now she was becoming as equally pissed off at the pair of them. Zoro didn’t approach any further and didn’t say anything more, “Sanji, if you have a headache, that’s fine. Go home,” but she didn’t believe that. She’s now suspicious all over again.

“Right…sorry,” Sanji mumbled. Zoro didn’t say anything. No explanation as to why he suddenly jumped down Sanji’s throat. Nothing.

Once they were all through with, Sanji decided to lock up the shop and head to his apartment. It was there he finally collapsed into bed but the feeling he had wouldn’t go away. He felt guilty. Guilty about hesitating. Maybe he should have just gone with her idea when she brought it up… maybe if he truly cared…he would have done as she asked.

He decided to sleep on it. Maybe she would come back to him tomorrow.

Maybe.

[pbandjesse]

Today was a really nice day. Like I had a lot of fun and I felt really fulfilled. It was the best day I had all week. And that just made me really happy.

It was a tough start though. I struggled to fall asleep and I struggled to get up. I would end up sleeping in an extra half hour because the idea of getting up was so horrible. I was so sleepy.

But I pulled it together. I felt cute. I love my overalls. I was tired but I was in a good mood once I got to camp.

The drive in wasn't bad. I had gotten extra hugs from James. I would slowly feel more normal.

When I got to camp I would jump right into the office to work on the document for my program tonight. I wrote up a little description of how to work with polymer clay. And did a little research into art making as revolutionary act. I found some good quotes from people smarter than me. And I felt like I made a pretty solid worksheet for the people who take my class this evening.

As I was finishing printing that I would eat my breakfast. My stomach is doing a lot better, bread isn't hurting me as much. But I still feel like weirdly aware of my stomach. I don't really know how else to explain. I just feel very aware?

But it wasn't bothering me for the majority of the day. The thing that bothered me was the pollen. At times I am not able to catch my breath and I start coughing hardcore. Not comfy!! But also not constant thankfully. It is still so crazy seeing the pollen come off the trees in clouds.

Everyone else started coming in. And I decided to let my upset feelings from last week go. I would make the office a nicer space. I would talk to everyone and felt so much more secure. It was a nice day. We were looking forward to a good group and a good day.

I would wander up to the hacienda before everyone else. Cleaned up a few things that were left from yesterday. And set up some chairs on the porch to watch for the bus. Accidently scared Elizabeth when she came out to the porch a little later. We talked about the pool and the upcoming weeks. And very soon the group was here!

This was a very nice group. Apparently they are very competitive and in the other programs that came up. But we were going on a hike. And I had the very best time.

I would go on 4, 45 minute hikes. So basically 3 hours of hiking. And I think I did a really great job making it mainly downhill. And a very slow pace. With lots of exploring. It was also just really nice feeling super knowledgeable. I was able to create a pretty solid script in the first hike, that I would just continue and build on in each subsequent hike. It was awesome.

We would start with ground rules. No running ahead of me. No screaming. No picking of flowers or plants. Leave the critters alone. Have fun.

Our first stop was down the main drive way to peeps mill. Where we talked about the former trout hatchery and the edible plants we might see. The skunk cabbage being one. And the wine berry bushes being the other. I talked about the history of both the wine berry bushes and the Boston ferns and how invasive species can be an issue.

We next would look at mushrooms. We found a new to me mushroom! A crowned capped corral mushroom! I was really excited about this. We would also look at turkey tail mushrooms and even a chicken of the woods. Really awesome.

We would arrive at the Glen and I would talk about the bee hotel and the bug snug. We learned about solitary bugs and overwintering.

We would spend some time at the pond down there. There was a frog just sitting with a whole bunch of eggs for most of the day so I was able to keep pointing at the same frog. We would watch him for a bit. And then over to the picnic table to look at the bones we had found a few weeks ago.

A few minutes searching under logs and rocks for bugs. Looking at slugs and snail eggs. More mushrooms. Continuing on to see the dying trees and the damage that termites can do. Once we made it home the hill we would stop at the tipi field before heading down to the Van Horne pass. Where we would look at mountain laurel and deer tracks.

And finally we would go to frog hollow where we saw tadpoles and caterpillars and one group even found a grey tree frog!

And finally I took them to the office to switch off with Nick so they could go to their next program.

And it was such a good little hike. There would be a lot to see, everyone seemed super interested and having a good time. While a few kids I could hear say that this was the most boring part of the day for them, I heard way more of them say this was there favorite part and they had so much fun. And I did too. I heard some parents and chaperones say they learned a lot and that felt awesome.

There were some not as ideal moments. A child who ran into my outstretched arm when I was pointing at something. Hurt us both. Someone got a cut on their leg. A little boy threw his plastic water bottle into the woods and I was so shocked and said he had to get it but it was deep in a thicket, and his teacher made him try for multiple minutes. But no luck retrieving it. Hopefully he learned from that and won't do it again.

During the last program block one of my chaperones looked like she was going to pass out. It has gotten very hot and she was not used to walking the way I had them going. I think the one hill was what got her and she just never recovered. So I would cut the last five minutes and sent them to the hacienda to sit in the air conditioner. I thanked them all for coming and went to chill in the office.

Not that it was cool in there. We don't have the AC set up yet. But at least I was sitting and I was drinking water and letting my body cool off. I was very sweaty and dirty. I would be thrilled to go home.

But that was not yet. Was not rushing anywhere. I would drive the gator up with Nick to the hacienda to clean up and I would collect the trash and the last couple Native American program items. Sarah would join us and we put the tables and chairs away and cleaned. I would go take things to the dumpster and put away the field trip things. It was nice to drive around but the breeze wasn't as good as yesterday.

I would go back to the office and chatted with Alexi for a while. Then with Elizabeth and Sarah. But there wasn't anything I needed to do for tomorrows feild trip. So I would get to leave a half hour early. And that was perfect.

I would go to Taco Bell. I thought it would be the quicked meal before my workshop while still leaving time for me to shower and change.

And it was some annoying traffic but it was fine. I arrived at Taco Bell at 415. And was home by 440. I would eat the nacho fries I got while I drove and waited until after I showered and changed to have my tacos.

When I got back here parking was tough but I parked, and went and quickly showered. I got changed into a nice jumpsuit and after fixing my makeup I would go sit at the kitchen island to eat.

James came home during that. Loved that we got a little time together. We would sit on the couch and just chilled until I had to leave.

They helped me bring my basket of materials to the car and wished me luck.

I was in a great mood. I was still nervous but also. Ah! Super excited. I would get a pretty good parking spot and went to set up.

The afternoon school program was finishing up. And I would move some tables and set up and was surprised no one was at the front desk. Strange.

People would start coming though. There was another Jessy, and she was very nice. She works for creative alliance and was able to call Lucy over at the other building to come be our check in person. They would let me know that I had 7 sign ups! Incredible. Jessy let me know one of them wouldn't be coming (their mom who has a migraine) but the other 6 would come and it was so good!!

I would also a lot about stuff I wrote about in grad school. The woman as anonymous making. The hierarchy of crafts and fine arts. Museum stuff. And then we talked about polymers. Plastics. Techniques. Tips. Tricks. And then it was time to explore!! Create! And it was so lovely to see them all work. 4 of them knew each other and all worked tangentially in medicine. From writing to Medicare to psychology. Jessy, like I said, worked at creative alliance in the marketing department so she was taking lots of pictures. And the last woman was her friend and it turned out she also worked in a tangential medicine, getting healthcare for the homeless. What a really neat group of women.

We would all create and try things and play. We talked a little how we might use these things. And it was so interesting to see how they all approached things. From form based coasters, to frog and cat portraits, to a bird sculpture! I loved seeing all the different approaches and it was great. I just got to make my own silly thing and give tips and tricks and suggestions. It was great.

At 730 we would get the oven going. Which was not the type of oven I have used before but I would eventually figure it out and we baked the pieces that were ready. I had provided little tins so they can baked them at home if they wanted. And I think that was the best plan. While they baked we would clean up and chat and it was fun.

And once the sculptures were done and cool I handed them out. We talked about trouble shooting. And then it was time to go. I thanked them all and hoped they would come to the next one. And then it was time to go.

I was just in such a happy mood. And when I got home I was able to park right in front of the house. Incredible.

James would help me and bring in my program materials. And once they were done with what they were doing in the kitchen they would sit in the studio with me while I vacuumed the frog tank and fed everyone. And they helped me sort my materials so I could get everything out away. It was a lovely evening.

I took a cool bath. And would hang out in the AC and started winding down for sleep. And now James is here, showered and ready for bed. And man am I ready to sleep.

I'm going to go brush my teeth and hopefully fall asleep asap. Tomorrow is another full day. And I really hope it is fun. We have a field trip and I'm leading low ropes. And then it's Charlotte's birthday! And we are going to dinner at the Fulwilers. And Callie will be there and I'm very excited to hang out with her.

I hope you all have a great night. Sleep well. Take care. Until next time!

[dollsonmain]

I should probably do a lot of nothing today because I overdid it yesterday but there's still a ton of catching up to do.

Every time I get angry about the boys not picking up the slack when I'm unable to do the chores and things I try to think about it as though I were single and living alone.

Someone living alone would also have to let everything slide downhill when they were ill or injured and then have to try to pick it all back up again [unless they had friends and family nearby to come help, which I don't*], and if they can do that AND work, then I can at least do the catching up on chores half since i don't have to go to work.

*my neighbors are nosy and gossipy and would probably be MORE than willing to come in and help me with chores so they could gossip about the decor, or the cleanliness, or go looking to find out what meds I'm on so they can gossip about that, too, but I'm not interested in any of that thank you.

-

That Guy had been trying to have people come over to play table top games relatively regularly before I got sick and I've been thinking about how unfriendly our home is to guests. We have a Very Nice Guest Room, other than the room being rather small and the furniture in it being too big which makes it a little difficult to navigate. The bed is also squeaky.

I would like to get rid of the larger dresser in there at least, get rid of all of the random crap he's shoved in that closet, and maybe move the tall dresser into the closet.

I'm not allowed to get rid of the huge dresser, though, because it came from his grandparents' house.

A few of his friends are very large, too, and I think a good host would swap out the old, uncomfortable, cushionless, broken grandparents' dining chairs for nicer, more comfortable ones. I might look at those high-weight-capacity church chairs someone mentioned a ways back on my dash if I can find them again.

His friends all have to drive at least an hour to get here, he could make an effort to make them comfortable. He doesn't even lay out snacks or enough drinks.

He is devoid of empathy and doesn't even think about that sort of thing. His guests comfort doesn't matter to him, all that matters is that they're here to play with him and he's the center of attention.

[jellimac-sims-stories]

The Reluctant Painter

Jellimac

Summary | You find a bag of money and a little black book with a scythe on it. What would you do?

I don’t particularly like my job but at least I have one. My brother is super protective and made me move to the desert across the street from him. I can’t blame him. It’s not like I was doing much with my life bumming around with my friends getting high. His only condition was that I get a job so I took the first job that came my way. The Artist Agency calls my position a “Hungry Artist” which is a fancy way of saying this is a shit job.

Even with this job and the freeish housing things aren’t exactly going my way. Yeah, I'm grateful to have a steady income, to live in the trailer my brother owns, and for the money that he and his wife send me to help keep up with bills. Things keep seeming to go downhill day after day lately. My smoking hot girlfriend broke up with me. Then my dog Shep got sick. And then when my best friend Eden took me out to try to cheer me up I ended up trying to makeout with her. I got a black eye for it. She hasn’t spoken to me since. Things really couldn’t be worse for me right now.

Thankfully the Artist Agency called the other day to hire me to finish up the new mural at the gym in Uptown. I can’t say that I am the best artist but work is work and it will help take my mind off of things for a little while. It's just painting anyway. I took the day job begrudgingly and made my way to head to Uptown. It takes two buses and one train to get to Uptown from Bedrock Strait where I live. That costs me $23 just to get to the job site and back. The agency only has me scheduled for four hours to finalize the mural. I only make $23 an hour. I’m about to make less than $100 for four hours of work. This job fucking sucks.

Unfortunately, the job site was downstairs in the men's locker room. This part of Uptown is elevated over the rest of the city. Think of the sort of place where you’d say ‘I can see my house from here’. That's the type of view I'm talking about. Which I almost can say but my house is just too far off to make out. From up here, you can see from the mountains and out to sea. I’m landlocked in a desert so I like coming here when I can. A creek runs behind my trailer but this is so much nicer. I had been hoping that maybe at least I’d have a good view all day even if it was just some housewives doing yoga badly. Realizing that I had gotten the shit end of the stick I plugged in my earbuds and got to work. 

After a few hours, one guy with bad diarrhea (probably one too many protein shakes) and several smelly dudes later the job was done. It was pretty nice; an optical illusion of the wall broken down showing the earth and the moon from above. Even though I can’t afford the membership at this gym you can see that this mural pulls the space together nicely (no pun intended). I hadn’t taken a break so I decided to spend the last 30 minutes of my time having lunch. I grabbed what I thought was all of my bags of paint supplies (that I would now have to lug back with me since the job was done) and headed outside. 

Finding a bench outside, I chowed down on leftover pizza that my SIL sent to my place last night. I noticed a bag with the painting supplies that didn’t look familiar. It was plain black with a thick gray zipper and felt kind of expensive in my hand. I opened it up expecting that maybe I had picked up someone's gym bag by mistake. To my surprise, it was full of cash! Thick bundled stacks of cash with $1000 markers on the bands. Holy shit! It looked like there was a couple of grand in this bag alone. I’ve never seen this much money ever in my life! I don't even have this much money.

Quickly but trying not to look suspicious, I zipped the bag back up, grabbed all the other bags, and threw what was left of the pizza slice to the pigeons that were hungrily watching me eat. I hurried down to the subway level to catch a train back to Oasis Springs. This time the cost of the tickets and bus fare didn't matter to me that much considering I had a few thousand bucks in one of my bags I was lugging back home. 

I don't usually pay any mind to how long it takes to get around on public transportation. It's almost a full half-hour to reach the outskirts of Oasis Springs to even get anywhere else. That and the fact that I am a habitually late person (something my ex used to complain about) but this time I was buzzing in my seat with anticipation. When the bus finally got to the corner of my street I practically ran all the way home. I headed straight for my shed where I usually keep all of my painting supplies. My dog followed me in as he's keen to do when I arrive home. He's expecting that we will go for a run or a swim in the river like we tend to do every evening but not today. 

After I stowed the supplies away I unzipped the mysterious bag and dumped everything on the ground. Inspecting everything that tumbled out of the bag, I can make out a mix of both new and used stacks of bills all with $1000 marked bands on them. Stacks of $20’s, $100's, and $10's all mixed together. I quickly counted everything out and totaled it up. There was $20,000 in that bag! I've only got like $2,700 to my name and that's only because my brother gave me $1,500 last Christmas. Shit, this is a lot of money.

While I gaped over my luck at finding this bag o’cash I noticed a notebook where I had originally dumped everything out. It's a regular hardcover black notebook except for the scythe debossed on the cover. Opening it, I flipped through the pages. Most are oddly blank until I get to almost the end. In very neat handwriting there are what looks like the details of a contract. It was a few pages long and not written in English. It could possibly be Latin or some other dead language but I could only make out the few words in English; Jack-of-all-Trades, billionaire, beach house, global superstar, and the name Charles Andrei signed at the end. That name sounded familiar, something to do with my ex but I couldn’t put my finger on it. (He's probably some guy she was sleeping with for money so I stopped thinking about it.) There is another signature next to it that I couldn't decipher. The letters kept playing tricks on my eyes. The first time I looked at it I thought it said Hel. The next time I read Ankou, then Thanatos, and finally Magere Hein.  That's not possible , I thought and closed the book. 

Suddenly it was very cold in the shed. The window panes started to frost up and I could see my breath before me. The sun had been setting when I got home but it doesn't get this cold in the desert ever. Shep started barking and growling at something behind me. I hadn't heard the door to the shed open but I had a feeling that I wasn't alone....

Are you scared yet? Read the set on my AO3

[crimmson]

bro WHY is there a 50/50 chance that melatonin is gonna give me the most visceral gut-wrenching heartbreaking dreams

it started off with like... being an astronaut or something similar but it was me a two dudes who were just supposed to be doing baby's first little scouting mission that was like, go to this one little rock and back

but there was this weird cloud that was like a cross between static and a bunch of gnats in space

next thing I knew, I was in some warped version of Times Square where there was an odd mix of people, food, items, and fashion from a huge range of time periods and places. and I was looking at one of the screens showing a garbled news report where it was pretty clear that everyone thought I was dead while my two astronaut fellows were getting some medal.

somehow some woman dressed like a newsie is leading me around and explaining shit, and this place is some kind of weird limbo where lost shit winds up. Not everything or everyone, but a fraction of it. and now they have a whole-ass society. unfortunately that society still appears to have a class system and rely on a crude recreation of capitalism. the streets were lined with tents and stalls selling all kinds of things. some of these shops were obviously nicer than others. and at the top was a dude whose name I have immediately forgotten but he was dressed like a cross between a leprechaun and Santa Claus.

at some point after watching a woman argue with the produce stand lady (which, as it was explained to me, apparently sometimes during the Mystery Teleport To Limbo, food does weird shit; there were some blue strawberries and a frankenlemon) I made an offhand comment about why you would do this. everyone here is just suddenly thrust into this situation, and you're all trying to survive. and you seem to get enough food and supplies for everyone. so why hamstring each other? why not just... dole it out?

this apparently sealed my fate for the rest of the dream, which I would not find out until my gruesome end.

first, at some point, newsie lady pulled me to the side and let me in on a "secret." there were people who had the same thought I did, and they were planning something. then she pulled her shirt to the side and showed something stuck to her skin. it looked like a few poker chips with some wires running between them. but she told me she was there to blow herself up and make a point. and that originally she was just going to do it, but now she wanted to give me the chance to leave the area.

instead I sat down on a little wall and kicked my feet like a child and mumbled that I didn't want her to go.

and then she was like "oh. I didn't know that." and she just. didn't do it. (also I am now beginning to suspect that it was never a bomb and it was just a test)

there was either a little time skip or I just don't remember what happened for a bit. I think it was just me learning to live here for a bit? but the society thing was still bothering me.

AND IT'S ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE.

I was walking with the newsie lady again, and we were getting into the "nicer" section of streets and stalls. and then there was this very long stretch of tables, draped in honest to God velvet, with display cases of pristine watches and jewelry and gemstones. and I looked up at the dude running it, and it was Green Santa. and I just started climbing over the tables until I got to him, and sat down on the table in front of him, and was just like... "why."

I gave some long rousing speech, and everyone seemed uncomfortable, and Green Santa started to look a little weepy.

then there were thumps coming from "upstairs." logistically this makes no fucking sense. upstairs is just sky from out there on the street. but when I asked wtf that was, and he was like, that is a problem, and we're going to need everyone. quickly, go upstairs and hold the door.

so I ran up the rickety stairs behind him, which had a little wooden landing, and then 180 degrees was another set of stairs. even more rickety. I felt like I was on the inside of a rotted wooden barn. there were huge gaps in the slats, nothing looked secure. but despite the huge gaps, it was impossible to see anything other than fuzzy shadows on the other side of the walls and doors. and it looked for all the world like a bunch of skeletal wolves with antlers were THROWING themselves against the double doors.

so I stretched myself out as much as I could and dug my heels into the shitty crumbling floor and LEANED as hard as I could against the door to hold it shut. because everyone was going to be coming up those stairs to help me.

right?

lol. lmao even.

no. everyone was in on it. everyone was a part of it. I absolutely could not hold those doors. apparently I was a sacrifice. they busted through and I had to watch from my first person POV as I got mauled. at one point I managed to hold up my hand and it was SHREDDED. I could see muscle and bone. thankfully I did not have to feel much. usually I feel shit in my dreams but I guess this time even my brain was like "that's a bit much isn't it?"

BUT THAT IS NOT THE PART THAT HURT

at some point while these things are using my larynx as a chew toy, newsie lady walks in with a hunting rifle. at this point I already have put everything together. with no real warmth, she asks, hypothetically, if I would prefer a bullet in the head at this point. I am choking on sobs and my own blood. and in the saddest gurgle I can manage, I say that I thought she liked me.

"I do. That's why I'm offering."

AND THEN I WOKE UP AND STARED AT THE CEILING FOR 20 MINUTES

HELLO????????