#to make coffee I also have to be awake
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thuricat · 3 days ago
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Here's the thread if anyone's interested.
I do have a hard time waking up in the morning myself.
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theyre unlocking new types of guy over on reddit apparently
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3twindragons · 2 months ago
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It’s been a long dry spell for WinterHawk!
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softquietsteadylove · 3 months ago
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Ohhh Gil, after being rescued by Thena 2 days ago, has nightmares wich she learns when she decided to stay for one night because it was storming outside. She has trouble waking him up but then she comforts him and learns about the story behind his claustrophobia.
For the wildfire one please
"No! No, help! Please, someone--anyone!"
Thena jolted awake. She was used to doing so when she was out in the wild, but she was at Gil's. It was storming outside in a decidedly angry way. She had radioed it into the towers and made her way to the cabin so as not to roast her ass with lightning (again).
"No! No!!"
Gil was in his bed, absolutely thrashing. The sheets look like they had taken on the fight with him and lost. He was covered in sweat. And he really sounded truly scared for his life.
He sounded like he had when he got locked in the cellar.
"Please!"
Thena threw herself off the recliner in front of the fire and rushed over to him. His pleas for help really did sound visceral and terrified. She all but slid on her knees to the bedside. "Gil!"
"I can't-!" he was full on screaming, and that was when he wasn't gasping for breath or panting from trying to scream with no air in his lungs. He was clawing at the t-shirt sticking to his skin.
"Gil, wake up!" she barked, shaking him by the chest. Those muscles were heavy, but she knew that from when he had latched onto her, hugging for dear life. She shook harder, digging her nails into his chest. "Gil!"
"Please, please, someone help!" he gasped. He was hyperventilating in his sleep now.
This wasn't good. He would cut off his own air at this rate. Thena shook him more roughly, pressing down on his heart. "Gil, come on! Wake up, just breathe! It's me!"
He flinched as she pressed harder. It wasn't gentle, but she was going to wake him from his nightmare no matter the cost. She winced, "sorry, big fella."
Gil shot up in bed as her palm connected with his cheek. He took deep, gasping breaths, his hand over where she had tried to claw her way through to his heart. "Wh-Wh-Wha-"
"Hey, it's me, just breathe," she whispered, putting her hands on his cheeks and forcing him to look her in the eye. The sky was quite light from the furious storm happening outside, not to mention the occasional lightning bringing a glow to the room every few minutes.
Her thumb traced over his cheek. She did feel bad for having to slap him like that.
"Th-Thena?" Gil gasped, gulping in between breaths. His throat was dry and rough from all his screaming. "What's-?"
She sighed heavily. He really scared her with that episode. She patted his cheek again before reaching for his canteen. "It's okay, just take a second, right?"
He nodded, accepting it from her and gulping the water down greedily. He tipped it up to get the last of it.
"Hey," she frowned, pulling it away from him to prevent him from waterboarding himself. "Not so fast or you'll hurl it up again."
He let her take it from him at least, slumping against the headboard. "Sorry, I must have scared the shit of you."
He sure did. But she settled back as well, sitting on one foot with the other dangling off his bed. "What was that?"
He scratched at his neck uncomfortably. "Never had a nightmare before?"
But she didn't take his little joke lying down, nor did she think he would expect her to. "Gil."
Just his name from her lips made him get the sad puppy eyes on again. The big guy had absolutely no ability to hide his feelings at all. He sagged. "I'm sorry I woke you up like this."
"Gil," she prompted him again, even moving closer. The bed really was a mess. "I've never seen you like that before."
He nodded, accepting that this conversation was happening, no matter what. "I don't get them as often as I used to. It happened probably ten years ago, now."
She furrowed her brows; he knew what scars she had from work--everyone did. But she had no idea he had anything that had sparked his intense claustrophobia.
"I was on search and rescue, and cave duty, as luck would have it," he started slowly, still trying to smile through it and deliver the story lightly. His hands were picking at his blanket pulled over his lap again. "We got everyone out, but when I was checking to make sure we got to the back of it, there was a tremor. The front of it caved in. I wasn't crushed, but it was worse--it took them a week to dig me out."
A week trapped in a cave could drive the best of them insane, no matter what training they had. Thena shivered at the thought.
"They tried to communicate with me. I was able to make small fires if I really needed the warmth. But the dark, the dripping of the water in there, not knowing when - or if - I would get out of there..."
Thena bit her lip, trying to think of what to say. Gil cleared his throat, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes again. Just the story was enough to have him in tears again. And she could see why.
"I was always kind of nervous about enclosed spaces, but since then," he shook his head, "I just can't. That, uh, that's actually why I moved here to the cabin."
That was why he didn't live at the station? She had always assumed it was simply a byproduct of his strength and ability to do both search and rescue and active duty fire fighting.
"I couldn't live at the station anymore," he admitted quietly. "There are so few windows, the rooms are so small and dark-"
"I know," she interjected, rushing to keep him from going on about something that so clearly pained him. She even reached over and put her hand over his in her haste. "It's okay, Gil."
He laughed faintly, sniffling up the last of his tears. "Real cool, huh?--a firefighter who can't be indoors for too long?"
She shook her head. It wasn't nearly the embarrassment he thought it was. The fact that he had come back to it after an event like that was exemplary. Something like that would have most of their own applying for retirement, if not an extended leave of absence. "I was a firefighter who couldn't go into fire."
Gil's jaw bobbed in his hurry to denounce the shit she was talking about herself.
But she smiled, tucking her stray leg up on the bed as well. "The rumours were half true--I did have a hard loss after a search and rescue gone wrong. I lost a family--even the kids."
"Thena-"
She pressed on; if she didn't get it out now, she never would. "I was separated from everyone, trying to read the wind in the middle of a dry lightning storm. I read it wrong and...this whole family just got...swallowed up--right in front of me. I tried to go in and get them but it happened too fast. They were already gone."
She shivered again. It was no wonder she had failed her psych eval after that--she would still fail it today, she was quite sure.
"We've all had losses," he assured her, also touching her hand in solidarity. "They're all hard. No one could blame you for needing time after that."
She shook her head, swiping her tears away before they could fall. If anything, Gil was stronger than her not just for going back to work in a way she couldn't, but for allowing himself the weakness to cry over it. "I tried, but...I chose perimeter duty. I let the rumors run wild because it was easier than explaining the truth--that I didn't know if I could ever go into a live one every again."
Gil reached and, to her horror, she wondered if he would wipe away some tears that had escaped her. But he caught the last of the trail of one, and then pushed her bangs away from falling over her forehead. She made a face. He chuckled, "you're tougher than you think you are."
"I am tough," she countered.
"You are," he agreed, smiling more like himself. "And you're even tougher than that, because you could have walked away completely."
She eyed him. She had never told anyone the complete story of her exile--not even her boys knew the whole story. No one needed to know, as far as she was concerned. "You didn't."
He shrugged, "I did, in a way. But you also stayed--because you had to, right? Because thinking of leaving the fight all together just isn't right to you, is it? Because you wanted to do what you could, even if it was doing daily routes and telling campers to put out fires. Because that still helps."
That sounded like some touchy-feely-bullshit if she ever heard it. But it didn't feel as condescending as it did from her old Chief, or as pitying as it did from her second hand when she had left the unit to him. Because Gil was so genuine with everything he did and said.
"So, we both have our shit," he shrugged. How did this become him cheering her up? "So what?"
She laughed faintly. He had heard her scream herself out of a horrific nightmare or two in their time together. He had never asked, and she had always been thankful for it. Now, she had returned the favour, so that was that.
"We're both tougher than that, right?"
She tilted her head. She had to admit, she didn't mind Gil knowing the truth of her story. He wasn't the type to whisper, and he had been nothing but sweet to her since they met, even when she was just a white wolf passing through his backyard silently. "Right."
Lightning lit the sides of their faces again, drawing their eyes to the window. Before the thunder followed, she frowned. He rubbed his cheek, "you don't pull punches, huh?"
The thunder rattled the window, but she didn't jump from the sound of it. She smiled, "shaking you wasn't doing the trick."
"Thank you."
She blinked, her eyebrows raising in surprise. "For slapping you?"
"For waking me up, no matter what," he clarified with another pat on her shoulder. "I appreciate it. And, y'know, if you want me to return the favour, I will."
She wasn't sure about that. But she nodded, accepting the kindness for what it was. She patted the hand of his on her shoulder. "Can we go back to sleep now?"
"Sure," he sighed heavily, going back to watching the storm. "If you think you can."
He had a point. They were exhausted, but they were also wide awake after all the excitement, and the heart-to-heart. She sighed. "We should try, at least."
"Yeah, guess you're right."
She looked at the big guy again, catching the sad, lonely puppy eye routine. He looked so pitiful sitting in his own bed. She rolled her eyes, so he would know she was being reluctant about it. "We can sit up for a bit--just a little!"
"If you're okay with it." He couldn't have sounded more excited about it.
She glared at him as she crawled over to the inside of the bed, slipping into the spot where she had spent plenty of time (without him also in the bed). "We are not making a habit of this."
"'Course not," he volunteered, just happy to have a little company. He even shimmied closer to the edge of the bed, to allow her more space to be comfortable.
Thena settled down and closed her eyes. Unfortunately, the bed really was quite comfortable, and it was terribly hard to resist letting its plush warmth lull her into sleep again. "Big softie."
"Yeah, that's me," he lamented with a big grin on his face. He also settled in again, propped up with his pillow and keeping his ankles crossed. He looked up at the ceiling. "Thanks, Thena."
"Hm," she tried to make it sound disgruntled (so he wouldn't think they were going to get all cuddly like this again). Her feet just barely brushed his sweatpants as she bent her knees.
"I'm glad you were here."
She was too. She knew those nightmares, that feeling of drowning in your own mind. She wouldn't wish it on anyone, and she had certainly experienced enough of them in the cold, quiet of camping alone.
Gil settled in and closed his eyes, lying on his back and with his upper half propped up in not that comfortable a way. He even had his arms crossed for personal space reasons. But he looked deeply happy.
Thena closed her eyes, resolving not to peek at him anymore. She frowned, listening to the sheets swishing, "my feet are cold."
That was the only reason she was pressing them up against his at the base of the bed, letting him know that she was right there.
"Sure."
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crossbackpoke-check · 6 months ago
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Looks like that video is about a month & a half after The Trade and trevors broken ankle 😣
re: this video… anon 😭 i had suspicions but it is so much worse to have them confirmed that really was like. trevor’s first Public Appearance without jamie AND post-broken ankle which is traumatic in and of itself no wonder every beat reporter was like ‘oh yeah trevor’s just devastated’
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wouldn’t you be miserable too if your best friend just got traded and your body betrayed you and what if it was maybe all your fault!!!
#bestie thank you so much for fact-checking me 🙏🙏🥰🥰 i love when y’all come in my inbox & answer the questions i yell into the void of my tag#we are Suffering about trevor TOGETHER in this house. if i scrolled all the way to the bottom of my drafts i think i could find even more#heartbreaking content from before The Trade but we don’t need to suffer that much otherwise the penguin cup of tea is really irish coffee#confirms ALL of my theories about miserable trevor leaning into mason for comfort because in some universes that’s THEIR boyfriend who left#liv in the replies#trevor zegras#mason mctavish#need to go lay on the floor about this one folks. do you think trevor said he would only do it if mason came if he could sit next to mason#right at the end where people were rushing out not stopping to talk tired by the end of the line and not even thinking just to guarantee he#wouldn’t get asked anything because he still has a hard time believing it’s real he keeps thinking jamie’ll be there especially w/his ankle#i’m sure he doesn’t have a great time with stairs so he probably will nap on the couch sometimes and that moment right when he first wakes#up to the bang of the door and he doesn’t quite know he’s awake yet and he thinks it’s jamie coming in? heartbreaker right there bud. sorry#ALSO because I can’t say it and leave it alone I almost put that last bit strictly in the tags but like. there’s gotta be some part of#trevor that knows it’s nothing to do with him but still naïvely believes that if he’d maybe been there if he hadn’t been injured things#could have worked out differently if he’d been there and it’s his fault his ankle broke and do you remember all the interviews jamie gave#about how you never think you’ll be traded and how strange it is to be moving and now i need you to take that naïveté times 1000 for trevor#who of course he never even pictures jamie leaving they were building the core together!!! why would they ever get rid of him!! and if only#trevor had been there to show how important jamie was. what would he have done? literally nothing but that does not stop the emotional guil#from enveloping trevor like a rain cloud and making him sit in mason’s apartment with ice cream bowl in hand. holistic treatment l
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foxyk7 · 6 months ago
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{COMMISSIONS}
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thewhizzyhead · 3 months ago
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hi I kinda miss the feeling of being in love okay bye
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angelstrawbabie420 · 2 months ago
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absolutely horrific day and then i was plagued by nightmares all night i am so fucking tired i could cry.
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elprupneerg · 2 months ago
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turns out, adjusting from your sleep schedule being Generally on a second shift track (so sleeping from roughly midnight-1am until roughly 8-9am, being able to leave the house at earliest about 9-10am) Does Not mesh well with 8am classes. and trying to get your body used to getting up and going out that early is really difficult! especially if you're not actually going out at that time, and instead just kinda sitting around the house fully dressed and breakfasted with nothing in particular to do
what kept happening is that i was able to get up at 7:30am one morning, then my body would go "oh that was stupid and we didn't do anything, tomorrow we're sleeping until 9am. maybe 10am. as a treat". which is not great! since 1) i need to be able to get up earlier than that so i could actually make it to class on time, and 2) i need to be able to get up earlier than that on a daily basis for the next several months.
so i clearly needed to get up and Do something. especially since the walk from my house to campus is now a bit of a difficult one for me. so i want to be able to practice it. so clearly i should get up, get ready, walk to campus, and check the time on when i was able to arrive so i can adjust how early i wake up the next morning. except: the building i want to practice getting to is probably closed during winter break, its Cold as Fuck, and if i get there and the building is open i get to just sit there in a boring as fuck building and do nothing until i get up the nerve to head into the cold to go home. that is gonna do the Exact Opposite of telling my body "hey its a good thing to get up and we should do this on a regular basis!"
turns out there's a coffee shop a little bit closer to my house than the building i need to go to. which doesn't give me practice at walking that full distance, but it Does give me a little treat at the end of the walk as a reward. and also, i need to take my meds with food. so if i'm physically able to make the walk to the coffee shop without meds, then order a coffee and pastry and take the meds after having walked in the cold that long, i might be able to convince my body that maybe this waking up early thing isn't so bad, and that we should keep doing this since i'm rewarded with a little treat and also less pain.
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ringneckedpheasant · 6 months ago
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every time I work a half day I feel so Alive
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casual-eumetazoa · 10 months ago
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complained to my psychiatrist that some of my meds are making it harder to focus and she started asking me questions about my functioning before I started any meds. well long story short, now I'm getting evaluated for ADHD,,,
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wolfchans · 10 months ago
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I must resist the temptations (taking a nap)
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qvietspvce · 11 months ago
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iiiiiiiii get to go hooooooooooome on tuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeessssdaaaaaaay!!!!!! woooooohoooooooo!!! yipeeeeee!!!!!
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 5 days ago
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"I'm not hypomanic," I say at midnight after spending a day downing a huge coffee, energy drink, and soda, on the first day in months I got to experience sunshine
#i normally sleep by 10/11 bcuz i have to wake up early for my unfortunate adult job#but now its midnight and i have both the energy and the drive to stay awake#i really want to stay up all night again. its my favorite#its fifty degrees out right now at midnight. i have my window open and its comfortable. if not a bit warm#and when i got my huge coffee this morning they gave me a free energy drink that they made to take a picture of#and then i had a soda with dinner. dont tell my psychiatrist#my psychiatrist is right about a lot of things. my caffeine intake is one of them. unfortunately i am a problem#so we'll continue telling her i only have a morning coffee#i get to see her tomorrow!! i have to tell her my meds are making me feel like shit#i hate meds but unfortunately my mental illness will murder me if i dont find a med or two#fortunately we're heading into an easier season to be mentally ill in. when theres sunshine and i can go outside the illness eases up#so it would be less dangerous to be figuring out meds if we decide thats necessary. i also get to tell her that im moving!#a couple sessions ago i had a breakdown and told her i actually hadnt been taking my meds for quite awhile and my home life was bad#so we got me back on my meds and she gave me some tips to get out bcuz tbh half my mental problems come from living with my family#so i get to tell her I'm leaving!! yippee! but also that my meds are murdering me. oh no#also sorry this is completely unrelated but i just realized its been twice now that ive been dating someone snd thought all was fine#and then like a week later they leave me very suddenly. i figured this out cuz someone liked a personal post from three-ish years ago#i was talking about how my then-gf wss helping me move and she was so sweet and i loved her so much#and then a week after that she told me she felt trapped and didnt see a future with me. wild! that wasnt her breaking up with me btw#she seemed legit surprised when i broke up with her after that. but it happened again with my recent gf!#i told my therapist we were great and then a week later she left. but tbh in both of those scenarios looking back im not surprised#the first. i had to beg while crying to help me move. she was actively an obstacle to me moving. and we had a shit anniversary right before#the second had been checked out for awhile and i was considering breaking up with her too. but it seems like all will be fine#and then suddenly it wont be. weird! i think i will become a nun. but anyway! def proba hypomanic#but i dont care because thats the only way i get to feel happy!!!!!!!
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chisungie · 5 months ago
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#??? last time i had mcds and timmys iced coffee i hated it i know for sure bc i had it more than once and my opinion was the same#but yesterday i got mcds vanilla iced and today timmys and both are fine??? i could drink these again 🤔#like my other go to is the flavoured cold brews at timmys like roasted hazelnut (gone sob sob) or tiramisu#and only bc sometimes id prefer proper liquid coffee instead of. iced cap.#but like. yeah. it doesnt have me going bLEGHH after multiple sips so somethings changed :o!#def a good thing though bc i needed caffeine and not an iced cap today.. girl im literally going to fall asleep on the way home#(hopefully im wrong)#44597#and ig i could get free coffee at work but they only start opening up the snack bar at the same time i clock in and if ppl come in#then i gotta go work so. id rather just have it rn bc im early anyway🥲#ALSO COFFEE DOESNT USUALLY MAKE ME FEEL ANY MORE AWAKE THAN BEFORE. whats up w that!!!#everyone jokes the coffee or iced cap is gonna keep me awake at night then i pass out faster than everyone else like!!#there are some times a few years ago where i had this coffee at a viet restaurant and oh my GOD#drank a good amnt of it at once. got out of there and my heart was pounding??? 😭#but i also barely drank any coffee then and i drink more now so idk 🤔 crazy heart rate didnt usually happen before#nd doesnt rn but i dont usually drink strong coffee.. i think... 🤔#but yeah sometimes that shit doesnt really pick me up at all but like. cope. im literally gonna fall asleep if i dont try smn 😭
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tasteofantasy · 9 months ago
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Today I was so sleep deprived at work that I straight up hallucinated with a lady on Her phone
Up until now my fiancee didn't understand why I work on a bedtime. Now she knows
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phantomrose96 · 8 months ago
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So my mom's birthday was this week and I flew down with Patches to visit her for a few days. Patches, while a verified hater of the airport, really loves my mom's place because there are so many more closets to explore and birds to watch and cobwebs to dust with her stupid little face.
My mom also goes to bed earlier than anyone I know, so for the evenings it was on me to monitor Patches' activity. And she's very good. She's 99% good. She's 1% "could use improvement" good and the 1%, which I'd forgotten about, is tomatoes.
Patches will leave most things alone. (And by "alone" I mean she'll absolutely bitch slap them onto the floor, but they will leave the ordeal with just as many or few surface punctures as they had before the encounter started.) Not tomatoes. Patches has it the fuck out for tomatoes.
So when I noticed her batting something around on the ground I realized that my mom had left a sole, roma tomato in the fruit basket on the counter and it was now experiencing the life cycle of a pingpong ball between Patches' paws.
I take it away from her, like a fucking evil woman, and now I'm like "okay actually, where do I hide this." See at home I have an anti-Patches cabinet, which is for things that have no business living in a cabinet but which WILL have business dying at Patches' hands if left accessible. And this is WEIRD to have such a cabinet but it's my own home.
I'm scanning my mother's cabinets going "is this weird here? can the tomato go in my mother's dish cabinet?" And I briefly consider sticking it in the fridge, as a normal location, but the audacity of altering this tomato's ripening process is an audacity I do not possess. So I go with cabinet. I go with the first eye-level cabinet, which is the coffee mug cabinet, which is perfect because the tomato will not be lost to cabinet purgatory there, since my mom opens it every morning for her coffee. I will simply tell her in the morning that the tomato is there.
Next morning. Seeing as my mother goes to bed at the butt-crack of dusk she ALSO gets up at the ass-crack of dawn. This means I trail down like 2 hours after her with my work laptop and Patches. This is also now her birthday. I'm sharing the sofa with her for a good 15 minutes when I think to myself I'd like some coffee, and I remember I put a tomato in the cabinet. I tell my mom as much. I put the tomato in her coffee mug cabinet.
And the look I get is one I can't really figure out on spot. But she says "Chrissy this is the best birthday present you could have given me" which is a very weird response to the already weird statement "Oh you probably saw, but I hid the tomato in the coffee mug cabinet because Patches has it out for tomatoes."
So I do not at all know how this makes for a good birthday gift. My mom tells me how a week or two ago, she came home unloading groceries. At the end of putting everything away she could not for the life of her find her phone. Absolutely nowhere. She pinged it from her iPad and it started singing. From the fridge. She opened her fridge. Her phone was in the fridge.
A couple days later she lost Ash's collar. Spent three days looking for it. Couldn't remember where she'd taken it off or what she did with it. Showed up in the grass when she remembered she took it off to let him play fetch in the lake.
And then this morning, her birthday morning, she came into the kitchen, made her pot of coffee, opened the cabinet to fetch her coffee mug, and found... tomato. Singular. Tomato in the cabinet. Tomato she had no memory of placing in a cabinet. Tomato she could not possibly fathom having a reason for being in the cabinet.
She was like Chrissy I cried. She was like this is it, time to send her to pasture. She's a harebrained old lady now and there is no coming back from this. She's the lady who accidentally puts tomatoes in the cabinet. Awake before God, standing in the kitchen, signing her life away over this tiny roma tomato. (Roma tomato with little cat vampire teeth marks in it).
I was like oh. No. I put it there. Because Patches was going to commit war crimes against it. I put it there because I did not stop to consider "Will finding a single tomato in the coffee mug cabinet somehow be the very specific thing that undoes my mother this morning?" I put it there out of careful consideration for the life of this tomato, and with no consideration for the extremely esoteric way that a tomato in the cabinet could be received like a horse head in the bed, Godfather style.
We made a salad with the tomato. Happy birthday Mom.
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