#to know for certain that someone else has things under control and i don't have to anymore.

[camellia-thea]

writing things down because it's the way i process.

i think the thing that's been getting to me lately is that i've hit the "utter despair" stage of depression, where motivation drops because long-term hope has just been dropping so rapidly since i got sick in april.

it's hard to verbalise how i feel and how it's different from before, but i'm worse, and it just makes me think about the future i'd planned, even with my disability in mind, feels so much less sustainable. and in turn, since i feel closer to graduation than before, i'm afraid of what life will look like when i'm not being loaned money to live on. i can't work, i can barely study, and i'm scared. i'm so fucking scared.

i've always hated uncertainty. i hate feeling out of control. and so the thought of not being able to follow plans or even having ideas of what i even can do outside of said plan is being terrifying. it's also infuriating, and frustrating, and deeply upsetting, to think about all the things that could've been. and it's almost ironic, how in an ideal world i would be working. i would be able to follow my passions. but i can't.

and this world is so far from ideal. aotearoa's disability policy is so broken, i've already had a specialist for my condition tell me point blank that, unless i am bedbound permanently, i most likely won't qualify for financial aid. i really didn't want to think about it when it happened, and she was so willing to try other options and try and find support and solutions for me. and at that point, i was pretty sure that i'd be able to work from home and try to freelance. but now it all feels so impossible and uncertain.

and with all of this hopeless fear, it brings the urge to self sabotage. i could just. drop out. i could just. give up on anything that i could try to do to pave my way. it's not necessarily suicidal; i don't want to die. i just. don't want to exist as myself for a bit.

i've always sought out escapism when things get rough. losing myself in books or imaginary worlds. it's so easy to slip into something where everything could be okay, but it always makes coming back worse. it's like seeing the polls about universal basic income, or magically receiving money. it makes me feel a little sick, the things i'd want to do, knowing how impossible it all is. it just makes the inadequacy of our society and our systems more stark in my eyes.

i'm scared about money, and i'm scared about the world moving on without me. i'm scared about never leaving the house again and i'm scared of leaving the house. i'm scared to be a burden but i want to be taken care of. most of all i want to stop worrying. i want security, i want stability, and none of that feels possible.

and i think the worst, most ironic, thing, is being in mental distress triggers my illness even more, which just solidifies my distress into something even more tangible.

[dreadfutures]

regarding sept 19:

This needs to be clarified because misunderstanding has resulted in some usually very nice people getting incredibly nasty and bullying others.

This past week, many people - press, and content creators - were allowed a hands-on experience of the new Dragon Age game. They played for about 6 hours. The attendees of this event are under an NDA until Sept 19.

After September 19th, the people who played the game are allowed to speak about it in some amount of detail. The press embargo is lifted, so to speak.

No one who attended this event has come out, twirled their mustache, and said they're going to spoil major game stuff without warning.

If you think you're about to tell me that yes, someone did - no she didn't. I know it's too much to hope for but someday you must learn to not hear every tweet and text as if the other person was personally intending to harm you. Few people really are so malicious. If you approach text neutrally you can tell when people are, or not. Really.

They have instead warned that there will be info shared from this event, probably tagged and warned about (hopefully), but the reporting, sharing, reposting, etc., of that info will be - like all things in fandom - a mess dependent on individual fans. If you care about spoilers at all, get your filters and blocks ready for that. For sure!

But again, it only seems like they had 6 hours or so to play. I doubt the people who attended will be malicious or rubbing stuff in our faces. I doubt the people who attended will even be spilling every single deet. Most people who we know & are connected to the fandom that were in attendance have said they themselves avoided main game stuff, because they didn't want to be spoiled either.

So that is the real information, as best we know it, without fear mongering about a flood of spoilers - and do with that what you will!

A lot of people are starting to wholly block all of the new game's tags because they don't want to see anything else until it drops! This is definitely the time to start. Maybe you do need to go dark and hop off the internet to keep your boundaries, or maybe you feel confident in your dashboard, your friends, and your filtered content, that you won't be seeing untagged spoilers being shared. (I'm in the latter category; nothing has appeared on my dash without being filtered, for months.)

Control your space with the tools you have, but cruelty should not be one of them.

A lot of people (on twitter, love DA twitter, where the worst aspects of all your friends' personalities come out 😒) have been incredibly, viciously belligerent to those who attended this event. They have used really terrible language to bully them as individuals and make personal attacks against them. The dog-piling has been amplified by certain people who were not invited to that event, and by the wording of others who are giving "warnings" about spoilers running rampant, floodgates opening, mayday, everyone is going to be rubbing spoilers in your face after Sept 19.

Whatever you think about the marketing about this game - whatever you think about what EA thinks are spoilers - whatever your personal stance on what you want to know going into the game (or not):

Content creators and press, their job is to talk about the game. In detail. It's their job! Ideally they do it as (is typically done! as many of them have already been doing!) with warnings/tags/whatever when something spoilery might come up.

Harassing them and wishing them harm or calling them terrible things and slandering their character is just an expression of your own frustration, lack of control, whatever - and it's not a good look.

[teamatsumu]

haikyuu boys as types of boyfriends.

sfw and nsfw headcanons

warnings: smut, explicit content

part 1

KOZUME KENMA - Gamer bf

This one is pretty obvious, I think.

Kenma stays awake most nights so he's super cranky in the early morning.

He's blunt and straightforward with his words. He doesn't like sugar coating anything. As your relationship progresses though, he does realize that sometimes a little white lie is probably the best option (he would rather shoot himself than ever again say that a dress makes you look fat)

When Kenma gets tired, he gets very candid.

I'm talking love declarations.

"Have I ever told you how pretty you are?"

He mumbles a whole lot of nonsense in between such sweet sentiments though.

He is a very attentive bf. He picks up on little details very easily. And as laid back as he is, he has a special soft spot just for you.

This particular quality makes him great in bed.

Because Kenma is so good at reading cues, he knows exactly what buttons to push to bring you to the edge. And he makes it look effortless.

One major kink he has is having you blow him during a stream.

You will settle down under his desk between his legs before he starts, and he will have you down there for hours, licking and sucking until you've gone drowsy.

And when stream is over, he will finally pull you off, watching you breath deep, covered in sweat and cheeks flushed, precum and saliva dripping off your chin and down your neck.

You're a mess, and he loves it.

Best believe your reward will be mind blowing afterwards.

SAWAMURA DAICHI - Sweet Daddy Bf

"How was your day sweetheart?"

He's very gentle with you.

Has a killer smile.

He cooks for you when he can. He stops what he's doing if you want to talk to him about something.

Just being a perfect gentleman.

He is great at pushing you and encouraging you. He always wants you to try new things and make new experiences. He always has your best interests at heart.

He's very protective. And he does have a jealous streak.

He can tell when a guy is talking to you what his intentions are, and he doesn't like it when the guy's stare lingers too long. He knows how desirable you are, and he wants to keep that to himself.

And when it comes to the bedroom, hoo boy.

Massive, massive control kink. He's extremely dominant. He wants you to submit and he sure as hell will get it.

He loves titles. Sir, Daddy, whatever. He loves pushing you to the limit, encouraging you the whole way there.

"You can do it baby girl, I know you can give me one more."

Manhandles you like crazy. Definitely wants to leave marks.

The morning after? He is the sweetest, most attentive and gentle boyfriend again, as if he didn't wreck your shit the night before.

SAKUSA KIYOOMI - Tsundere bf

One thing we all know about Kiyoomi, he can get really mean.

And that doesn't exclude you.

As his gf though, you've gotten used to his jabs and know he doesn't really mean them. And if he does, he doesn't intend to hurt you with them.

And one thing is for certain, these little jabs are reserved for him only.

Because the second someone else teases you, he is not having it.

He knows he is intimidating, and he will use that to make anyone shut up.

He hates PDA. He doesn't want to do it and he doesn't like anyone else doing it.

Ask him to say 'I love you' and he will make the most constipated face known to mankind.

His love language is definitely acts of service. He will go above and beyond if it means it might make your day even slightly easier. Even if he will tell you how incompetent you are while he does it for you.

You think it's pretty cute actually.

In the bedroom though, all bets are off.

He loves degrading you, loves telling you how pathetic you look when you beg for his cock.

"You want it so bad, don't you? You little slut. You can't get enough."

He doesn't let up for one second. Sex with Sakusa is very intense.

The one time he doesn't hold back on the affection is during aftercare. He becomes gentle and giving, and will make sure that by the end you are so comfortable, that sleep comes natural.

SUGAWARA KOUSHI - Soft Dom bf

He's the perfect gentleman.

Always dressed immaculately, nicely done short fluffy hair, million dollar smile.

He plans great dates. He loves spoiling you every single time no matter how much you protest.

He loves music and making you cute playlists.

He gives great advice when you need it. He is more of a 'do it yourself' person, because he thinks it will help you grow. But he is there to encourage you every step of the way.

It's absolutely no surprise that he's a soft dom in bed.

He loves praising you. Loves telling you what a good job you're doing when you go down on him. Runs his hand through your hair and coos at you when you look up at him with teary eyes and his cock stuffed in your mouth.

He wants you to be good and listen to him, but secretly loves it when you're being a brat, because then he can put you in your place.

"Say please"

He's bigger on reward than the actual punishment, which includes so many orgasms and so much overstimulation that the reward starts to feel like the actual punishment.

(That's the whole point though, in his eyes)

SUNA RINTAROU - Skater Boy bf

I didn't know what else to name this lol

Very laid back. Looks like he doesn't give a shit.

He definitely gives a shit though.

He's very sarcastic and very witty. He will send you the most random, out of pocket text at 2 in the morning as if it's completely normal.

"Okay I'm going to sleep. Goodnight." Proceeds to send twenty Instagram reels bec he can't go to sleep without scrolling through his phone.

He def smokes weed.

He wants a lazy makeout session all the time. He loves making you sit on his lap, slowly going through every crevice of your mouth with his tongue while he gropes at your body.

Two things he loves in bed: eating you out and having you ride him.

He could stay between your legs for hours, just licking and sucking until your pussy is swollen and red, until you're shaking and crying and begging to cum.

This little shit loves edging. Loves to hear you begging. Loves it when you cry.

"Look at you. Big fat tears coming out your eyes. Oh you want this so bad, don't you?"

Loves the view when you ride him. Crosses his arms behind his head and watches with that steely narrow gaze as you unravel on top of him and use his dick to make yourself cum.

Let me know what you think!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not saying please/thank you?

So this is an ongoing argument with my roommate. I (22nb) am autistic, and T (55f) has ADHD.

Now to get this out of the way, i do say thank you. I was always taught to wait a moment after receiving something, take a bite or appreciate what you were given for a breath, before thanking someone so that you could add something more to it. My roommate and I both agree that i do say thank you the vast majority of the time, but the problem for her is that i do not say it fast enough.

T often gives me a "tHaNk yOu" while the item in question is still being passed. This seems ridiculous to me as i haven't even been fully given it yet.

In addition, i have the dishes as my household chore, and i do them daily, despite almost never making any dishes myself. I do this to both support T and her diet, as well as contribute to the household that i live in.

T thanks me near daily for doing the dishes. This always seems weird and unnecessary to me, as it is my responsibility. I have told her this. I dont expect to be thanked for doing my own laundry, after all. In return, T gets upset that i dont notice and thank her for taking out the garbage/recycling/compost, to which she is the main contributor to and is under her responsibilities.

As for please: i do say this much more rarely. I think it feels overly preformative and fake, and i typical choose more "would you mind closing my door for me" "if its not too much of a hassle, could you toss me my waterbottle" "id appreciate it if you could preheat the oven while you're in the kitchen"

I think that these work perfectly fine as a replacement. Please just has always felt wrong and fake. No one else in my entire life has ever commented on this before.

Thirdly; T has been upset that i don't respond to her apologies appropriately. After she is snappy at me (due to her emotional disregulation from ADHD) (last time it was because i asked if she was using the oven instead of asking if i could use the oven myself, for reference) there is a 50/50 shot that she will come and apologize.

I dont often accept apologies. Apologies are for the person saying them to get it off their chests, or to make you put it behind them. Usually, ill say something like "it was just one of those days, y'know?" Or "its alright, water under the bridge"

Because i was always taught that apologies came with a promise of change, and T can't (or won't) change how she re-directs her frustration at unrelated things to things ive done "wrong". When she told me the correct response was "i forgive you", i decided to not engage instead of telling her directly that i didnt forgive her (because i am certain she will do it again). (I usually dont engage with her when shes irritated: she never notices and just wants to say her piece so im not being rude here)

She said that i was being disrespectful, "like always", and when i suggested it may be more difficult for me due to my autism, she said that we made plenty of accommodations for me (which i think is false), and that i just needed to do this for her comfort. That please/thank yous were something she needed to feel appreciated and i should be making more accommodations for her.

To me, i feel like she is getting really caught up on semantics and is being a little controlling about it. But maybe its just a boundary? I dont know if i could commit to changing my language for her though, i feel like i will just start forgetting after awhile because it feels so fake. Shouldn't it be better for me to say things genuinely than just for her approval?

AITA for not saying please/thank you?

[keepswingin]

“You did so good. Don’t worry, you-you did so good.” —skz

The hospital is too quiet, you decide.

You don't know how long you've been sitting here, but the longer you sit and stare down at your bandaged hands, the more you grow to hate the silence that sits stagnant around you.

You start to wish for something to happen as time drags alongside the drip you've been hooked to. You don't want to close your eyes and doze off again, far too worried about what might meet you on the other side. Earlier, you had awoken with a scream choking you. Yesterday, you had cried until there were no more tears left.

It nearly makes you laugh. You lost control of your own memories far too long ago, and they've done nothing but haunt you since.

The door across the room slides open and you jump at the sudden sound, wincing as you accidentally tug on what you're pretty sure is your injured rib. Before you can assess the damage, you're pulled into a hug against a chest you know all too well.

Tears prick at your eyes, and it's not from the way your injuries protest, or the stretch of bandages being pulled against skin.

"C-Changbin?" you whisper, your voice breaking halfway through. The arms around you squeeze you tighter in response, a home you've never forgotten, and you nearly break down right then and there. You don't think you've ever missed somebody so much.

"Jagyia," he says softly, the quietest you've ever heard him speak. "I've missed you. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

You scoff, but it's watery, and your nose is running, and you can't stop crying and your chest hurts but it's in a good way because you know you're safe here with him, and you've never been more grateful for anything in your life. You slide closer and tuck your face against his neck, reaching one of your arms around his shoulders so that you can tangle your hand in his hair.

"Bin," you mumble, tugging him closer. "I'm so sorry."

The tears have already started, and you are helpless to stop them like this, so exhausted and hurt and aching for someone who cares. One of his hands is curled under the back of your shirt, rubbing back and forth across the curve of your back, and of course he remembers what you said all that time ago, of course he does. 

He's only ever cared, and you've only ever hid. 

"There is nothing you should be apologizing for," he says, soft and certain and steady. "None of this was your fault, Y/N. Not one damn thing." And for some reason, it's those words that break the damn you've struggled to keep at bay. 

Weeks, months, years, trapped, unable to see a clear path leading out. The worst of it all happening over a span of the last two weeks, worried texts pinging from a cell phone he didn't let you have. Staring at the door like looking at it would release you, would snap the locks and snap his ankles so that you could run and never look back.

The police came. Eventually.

A concerned neighbor or other - you don't really remember. Something you would've never guessed when they never cared enough to call any of the other times before.

When you had cried on the back porch. When he had thrown a glass. When you both had screamed at each other on the sidewalk. Worse, worse, worse. Until he had finally snapped, and you were the very thing he broke.

Changbin tugs you closer and holds you in a way no one else ever has. "You did so good," he murmurs, turning and pressing a kiss to your skin. "Don't worry. You did so good. I'm proud of you, Y/N. So damn proud." 

Your chest hurts, and so does your head.

Your heart aches, and your wrists burn. 

But the man you've done nothing but push away out of fear is here anyway, after everything, refusing to let you go, and you aren't scared. In fact, you would be okay if he held you like this forever, and you never thought forever would be possible again.

"I love you," you all but whisper, heart laid bare. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I love you when I know you probably don't want me. I'm sorry."

Changbin is silent for a long moment, but he doesn't dare move away. You squeeze him tighter, and he exhales softly, the sound trembling through his chest.

"About time you said it," he murmurs, and you think he might be crying, or maybe that's just you, blubbering and shaking and worried he'll push you away, "how could you think I would ever be able to love anyone else?"

And that, you think, is what sews your heart back together.

[wordstome]

I am having a goddamn nightmare of a time writing the university au (mostly because I have a shit ton of work to do…for my university…lol) so have some headcanons about the most toxic couple you’ve ever met. mdni under the cut

They’re like the definition of a situationship. They’re dating in every aspect except by name

At first she does try to sleep with other guys like she did before König but that doesn’t last long, because nobody else is as good as him. She will never admit this outside of the bedroom

Meanwhile he literally calls her his girlfriend behind her back

She’s emotionally unavailable toxic, he’s obsessive and possessive toxic

König enjoys the pursuit and just thinks it’s normal for women to be difficult like this. I would say “poor König” but he has a bad habit of picking her up and carrying her places against her will so he’s not that poor

She likes to tell herself she has no attachment to him, but she loves the ego boost he gives her by acting like a lovestruck puppy and following her everywhere. She’s also secretly into him being controlling

She does have her moments of genuinely caring about him, though. She brought him lunch once and he looked at her like she hung the moon the whole day. Her excuse was that she just happened to get/make an extra portion, but she did, in fact, get him a portion on purpose

She basically lives with him after a certain point. Her roommates barely see her anymore since she only comes and goes from her old place to get things. He constantly threatens to change the locks on her, but they both know it’s an empty threat. He much prefers to punish her in sexy ways

She'll just be minding her own business talking to a classmate or perhaps flirting with someone when König will come up behind her and put his arms around her. If she was just talking to someone she'll pat his face before attempting to shoo him off. If she was flirting with someone, she wrenches him off her and storms off in a huff (whoever she was talking to has definitely fled from König's evil eye by that point)

They don't really fight, they just have spats because König is endlessly amused by her anger and she is unable to stay mad at him for long. The one time they had a real fight was nasty, and they didn't talk for days afterwards

She's usually quite a chill, go with the flow person (because if she allowed herself too much stress or anxiety at once it would destroy her), but König brings out the spitfire in her

In equal measure, König is a bit of the shy and quiet giant type, but she brings out the brat tamer in him. They alternate balancing each other out

It's kind of easy to look at them and go "why are they still doing this to themselves" but when they get along (i.e. he's behaving himself and she's not pretending not to know him) they're as functional as any other couple

This definitely goes without saying: the nastiest most bed-breaking sex. They fuck like they’re trying to murder each other

I know it's a pet peeve of many people when they say the reader is ooooo so small and delicate next to the cod men, and I tend to agree. However, unless you are also nearly seven feet tall and built like an olympic swimmer, I'm just gonna say you're smaller than König

That being said, he LOVES using his size against her. Picking her up, bending her over things, bending her in half (mating press, his beloved)

If he wants her to stay, she'll stay. He'll have one hand on her throat pinning her down, the other keeping her open to slam into her

This brat will look him dead in the eye and ask "is that all you've got?", which obviously makes him lose his mind in the best way

She definitely has more experience than he does, which actually works out in his favor: him getting better at fucking really just means he's getting better at fucking her

They're so goddamn nasty they've definitely fucked in semi-public places because she teased him to the point of madness and he popped a boner so hard it was painful

Oh, the dirty talk. König is such a gentleman outside of the bedroom, but the degradation that comes out of him while he's fucking her is toe-curling. A lot of "nobody else can fuck you like this" and "all you're good for is taking me in your tight little hole"

He growls??? I don't know if y'all have heard his voicelines in German but he snarls at her when he's trying to teach her a lesson and it turns her into putty

This post is dedicated to @kneelingshadowsalome, who is waiting for this fic so patiently and is my shining beacon of motivation at this point lol

[itsohh]

Flying Too Close to the Sun

AN: Female reader, I wrote this before the comic came out but made some adjustments for it to kinda fit.

Summary: After leaving Rainbow years prior, Sam brings you back to help with the Deimos situation. As as warden your there to make sure he stays contained but things end up far messier than you exspect when he takes an intrest in you.

Word count: 6746

Warnings: Dubcon, noncon bondage, smut

Masterlist AO3

Greece 2020 

“All I ask is that you give it a go-” 

“No!” You threw our hands up into the air. Sam's eyes remained on you as he watched from the corner of the room. His arms were folded and he leaned against the wall. Your relationship with the man was rather new and fresh. Sam had only known you for a short while whereas Harry had known you since you arrived at Rainbow years prior. 

Harry's face seemed rather controlled but there was a certain edge to his voice. He was aware that one wrong move could affect everything. Usually, you were so open-minded, he had expected this resilience from someone like Taina but not you. 

“This is too much Harry. Our job was never made for an audience, to be blasted over huge screens. It wasn't made for civilians to see. How many thousands would know us?” You pointed out the window to the rest of the stadium. “Our enemies get a perfect view into our skills, our weaknesses, our numbers, our faces- everything.”

“I assure you, all of that has been accounted for. Every person that comes through those gates will have been background checked but if it would make you more comfortable perhaps we could change your uniform and name.”

“No. I've made my mind up here. I think it's time that I head home. Rainbow’s been a great place for me and I've learnt a lot but I think it's better that I put this information to good use back home.” You pulled some paper from inside your jacket and placed it on the table. 

It was now clear that you had made your mind up before speaking to Harry. 

“I understand.” Harry nodded and took the paper from you. 

“If you ever need me in the future for something proper, don't hesitate to call.” You looked towards Sam for a moment. “But something tells me you shouldn't need to. You have quite the team here.”

-

 England 2024

The umbrella above you protected you from the sun's harsh rays. In front of you was a glass of juice and a bowl of hot chips. Your sunglasses helped with the sun and you didn't look up when someone sat down from across you. 

Sam Fisher. 

“Long time no see.” You pushed the chips towards him and he promptly took one. “Heard about Harry, my condolences.”

“Yeah, thanks. Saw you're doing well.”

“Well for this kind of work but I assume you didn't call me all this way just for small talk.”

Sam placed a folder on the table and slid it over to you. You wiped the salt from your fingers and picked it up. 

“Gerald Morris…” You muttered the name under your breath, only loud enough for Sam to barely hear. 

Your eyes absorbed all the information in front of you as you leaned back on your chair. All the meanwhile Sam dug into the food. 

“So you got him, sounds like it took a lot but you did. Why call me?” You slapped the folder shut and placed it back on the table. 

“Aside from our newer operators, you're more detached from the situation. I imagine he knows less about you than anyone else.” Sam leaned back and your brows narrowed.

“I'm your wildcard?”

“So to speak. Harry always knew you would have your part to play one day and I believe it's this.”

“And what is this Sam?” 

“...Rainbow is split about his presence. There's a very real possibility that someone may take justice into their own hands which is exactly what he wants.” He let out a sigh and rubbed his face. 

“I want to assign him to your care.”

“My care? I'm not going to be babysitting a terrorist.” Your eyes cast down for a second. “Besides, he could easily overpower me.”

“Not like that.” He placed another folder on the table that you took. 

“Azami. She joined after you left-”

“-Private sector? I didn’t realize you guys were hiring mercs…” You muttered, your disapproval obvious. 

“Rainbow's purpose has changed over the years. When did you join?” It was an answer Sam already knew but you answered him regardless. 

“2018. Amelia brought me along due to my marksmanship experience in urban settings.”

“Integral skills to have when the outbreak claimed more territory. Skills you shared with the rest of the team and in turn, they shared their skills with you. The same can go with cases like Azami in the private sector. She has her own unique experience.”

“Alright alright, I get it. Why do you bring her up then?”

“She's one of the people we are concerned about. She's been going to the holding facility more and more.”

“You're worried she will kill him in custody?”

“Her and several other operatives. I don't think they will but I can't discredit the possibility. I want you to make sure that never happens. Gustave feels the same.”

“What makes you think I won't just kill him? I mean I wasn't super close to Harry but he was still a friend.” 

He tossed a chip in his mouth and sat there for a moment. “You won't.”

-

Rainbow had changed a lot since you left which meant you received a completely different dorm room than you used to have. Not that it really mattered, you had taken everything personal with you. The new room you received was one of the ones in the holding facility. It wasn't a dorm room but its own special room. You had one job and that was clear. In a way, you were like a warden to Gerald and Gerald only. 

You had to admit, the room was rather secure. It was a safe room in a sense. Sure you didn't have the best views or anything but that hardly mattered when you were so close to a man that would most definitely kill you at any opportunity.

In all honesty, you didn't bring much with you. While you knew that Sam might need your help for a while you figured eventually you leave again and it was best not to get too attached. A knock at the door had you stand up from the bed. 

You opened it to find Sam standing there with clothes in his hands. They were neatly folded and had a couple of things balanced on top. 

“What's this?” You asked. 

He placed the pile on your desk. “New ID.” He waved it and snapped it on the table. 

“Uniform.” 

You looked towards the Ghosteyes uniform and cocked a brow. 

“Thought I was just going on guard duty.”

“Need an excuse to be here officially, wear it or don't at least have the ID with you. “

You took the ID and clipped it to your current shirt. It was a slightly faded black shirt with NZSAS printed across. The shirt didn't have any pockets so you clipped it to your slightly stretched collar. 

Sam carried a sort of understanding look with you. The pair of you hadn't known each other very long before you left Rainbow but there was a sort of mutual understanding that was shared. Trust. Why he trusted you was beyond your understanding, perhaps it was something that Harry said to him before he died. 

“This here is your pager.” 

“Pager?”

“No one's to go into Deimos’s holding without you there to supervise. That includes team leaders. Your job is to make sure that Deimos is there and alive.” 

“Alright.”

“All the team leaders know your back but not everyone else does.” 

Just as you were about to reply the pager started to beep and Sam tilted his head to the side for a second. 

“Better get moving then.”

-

Sam briefed you on how interrogations were still ongoing even if they admittedly didn't get very far. The room that Deimos was restricted to was rather large but rather empty. It was by no means a great place to stay but it wasn't inhumane. “Eliza, long time no see.” 

“Icarus.” She didn't quite smile but there was a level of familiarity that the pair of you shared. “I'm glad that out of everyone Sam brought you back.”

“Well, when he begged me how could I say no?” You walked up to the door and flashed your ID against the reader and the door opened with a click.

“Interrogation?”

“Yeah, doing it here.”

You opened the door for her and nodded. “Be my guest. The door closed behind you and you leaned against it. Eliza was the one to approach the man who was lying on his bed. Through the glass, you could see everything. His legs were leisurely up and he had a book in his hand. By the sight of it, it seemed he only had one book and had most definitely read it a few times already. 

He wasn't quick to talk to Eliza but there was a pause in his movement when his face turned towards you. 

“Well, now there's a face I didn't expect to see. Here I thought you were the one person who had managed to escape Rainbow.” He scoffed and sat up. “Just another one of Harry's puppets then.” 

“I get why Sam brought me on board.” You muttered to Eliza.

“Sam bring you on board? And why is that sweetheart?” 

“To make sure I don't kill you.” Eliza loomed over the man but he just let out a laugh. 

“Can't trust your own people? Can't say I blame him.” 

-

So became the rhythm of your babysitting job. It didn't end up being too bad, as Deimos was often let out of his cage for training. A weird thing but it seemed to get a few results even if it was at the cost of morale. 

Then it happened. The alarm. A blaring alarm that rang halfway through the night. You bolted awake and grabbed what you deemed necessary. Your ID and your guns. Your usual Barrett on your shoulder and a revolver on your side. The cold concrete floor did little to hinder your speed as you made your way towards Deimos’s room. 

To your relief when you arrived he was still there, the same way he always was. On that damn bed. You clicked the door open and grabbed a pair of cuffs from outside of his room. “On your knees Gerald.”

“First name basis are we?” He scoffed and turned to you. Not one for his games, you aimed the gun at his leg. 

“I was told to keep you alive- not in healthy shape. Now be a good boy and follow instructions.” 

“You’re playing with fire girl.” He finally swung his legs over the side of the bed. 

“Hands behind your back.” He followed your instructions and you were quick to cuff him. 

“Going somewhere?” He asked. 

“No.” You locked the door from the inside and found your spot behind him. You pulled the gun from your back and he made a small sound. 

“Nice pyjamas girly. We should swap sometime.”

“They say you never talk much in interrogations and yet ever since I've been here I can never get you to shut up.” You hissed. 

He let out a laugh. “You? Oh you I like. Such a fire, never afraid to say it how it is. A real shame you came back to Rainbow. Here I thought I wouldn't have to put you in the ground like the rest of your group.”

“For starters-” You locked your gun in place and steadied it over his shoulder. “I'm not part of Rainbow. I'm doing this as a favour. And secondly, you think you're ever leaving this hell hole your dead wrong.”

“Oh sweetheart, I don't have to leave here to watch you all die. It's already begun.”

“Yes yes, your going to kill us all. Cool story, now don't move.” 

The pair of you stayed like that for five minutes before you heard it. The massive explosion that burst the door into smithereens but done in a way that would protect anyone inside. 

Out from the dust, someone appeared- someone you didn't recognise. Without hesitation, you pulled the trigger and Deimos deliberately bumped his shoulder up. It was something you had predicted. 

“I told you not to move.”

“Your aim was off.” He spoke innocently with a nonchalant voice. 

“Yes because I figured you would pull some shit like that.” 

His chuckle vibrated next to you and he slightly leaned his head towards you. “I swear to god Deimos…”

“Have I been anything but the model prisoner?” His voice was mocking and came out as a purr. 

Even though it wasn't necessary, you removed the mag and reloaded. The movements were intentionally harsh to jolt around Deimos before you slammed the gun down on his shoulder again. 

The small grunt he made when you did so didn't go unnoticed and the corner of your lips curled up. The great thing about the design of the holding area was that in order for someone to reach you they would be forced to come down the very long hallway. 

You cursed when a bunch of smoke rolled into the hallway and filled the room. Unlike Timur, you were unable to see through it and your jaw clenched. 

Thankfully Deimos stayed quiet and allowed you to focus. Any movement you saw you were to shoot on, your ears listened for the movement in the smoke but just as they neared you a familiar suppressed gun went off. 

The smoke started to clear and you were quick to start your fire. Precise singular shots were all you needed. The bodies dropped to the ground and a moment passed. The smoke fully cleared and you started to stand up from your spot behind Deimos. “Do hurry back.” 

You rolled your eyes and met your savoir at the door. “Taina. Good to see you on your feet.” 

“Icarus.” She nodded your way and approached the open door. 

“Thanks for the backup, you did a good flank.” 

“Not that you needed it huh?” Deimos mouthed off behind you. Strangely, it was a little flattering he thought so highly of you but then again perhaps he was being sarcastic. It was hard to know with a man like him. 

“How's the rest of the base?”

“On high alert, they broke through the east side as a distraction but things are quickly coming under control. I can handle him if you need a moment.�� Taina offered as her eyes scanned your rather under-dressed outfit. 

“I'm good, you stay up ahead.” You politely smiled. 

“Are you sure? Deimos is… be careful around him.” 

“I always am.” Despite your refusal, you noticed her foot still crept into the room. 

“He's a bastard and a liar. Don't trust a word he says.”

At her tone, your hand went to the side arm that you had strapped on your hip. Immediately Taina noticed how you went for the revolver and her brows narrowed. 

Still, your hand hovered there. “Taina just go.”

“Are you planning to do something?” She accused. 

“No- I'm not. But your hesitancy to leave is making me worried. I appreciate the help I do but please just go up ahead.”

“No.”

At her refusal, you pulled the revolver out and aimed it at her. “Don't make this harder.”

“Why are you so protective of him?”

“Because it's my job. Sam's orders, shoot anyone who may kill Deimos. He wants him alive and gods above help me. Don't back me into a corner here Cav.”

Then she took a step back and put her hands up. “I understand. I just wanted to see where your loyalty lay.” She nodded your way and disappeared away from the room. 

A sigh of relief escaped your lips as you found your way back to behind Deimos and ran a hand through your hair. 

“All this fuss for little ol’ me…” 

“Shut the fuck up, Gerald.” 

-

After Taina left you didn't see anyone else for about half an hour. Not until Eliza showed up with Sam in tow. “Didn't secure him down?” She cocked a brow at you. 

“If he runs I shoot out his ankles.” You could feel Deimos’s gaze on you. “Jobs to keep him alive not keep him walking.”

“Heard that you had an altercation with Taina.”

“I don't take chances.”

Eliza gave you a single nod and looked towards Sam for a moment. 

A silent conversation took place between the pair of them before Sam spoke up. “Go get some rest. We can take care from here.” 

Your tense shoulders dropped slightly and you nodded in response. “Will do.”

-

A week later you lay in your bed, eyes trained on the ceiling. Each breath was long and drawn out. Despite your clock reading three in the morning you couldn't help but lie there completely awake. 

There wasn't any logical reason to back up that gut feeling that formed and festered in your chest. A tightness that had your entire body tense. Something wasn't right. After giving up and finally getting to your feet you snatched your phone off the side table. 

You pulled on an old hoodie and dumped your phone in the pocket. A torch and your revolver were the next two things on the agenda. Mentally you promised yourself, just one check-up on the man and then you would go back to sleep. 

There hadn't been any alarms and Deimos had seemed the same annoying self when you had last seen him. It was beyond any logic that something would be going on. 

Your slippers made little sound on the polished floor as you made your way by torchlight. The way to Deimos’s room had long since been ingrained in your mind even though he changed rooms. 

Yet when you neared you weren't met with the darkness of his asleep. The door that spanned the long hallway was open and a small crack of light escaped it. You turned off the light from your torch and slipped out of your slippers. Slowly you crept down it, your hand flexed and curled around the hammer of the revolver. 

Then you saw them. Jessica, you believed her name was. She was part of IT staff. There was something connected to the electronic card reader and his door was open. Their voices were hushed to the point where you couldn't hear them. Without hesitation, you pressed the silent alarm on the wall. 

The door behind you swung closed and locked. The sound drew their attention and the first thing you saw was Jessica's face, then it was the pistol in her hand. 

A large bang echoed through the rooms and she fell to the ground with a hiss. There wasn't a single hesitation in your movement. The shot had caught her directly between the eyes and her body crumbled to the ground instantly. 

Deimos ducked behind the thick doorframe out of view. “You never should have got out of bed sweetheart.” His voice was a mocking purr. 

“Stay in your room, Gerald.”

“Room? This cell? I don't think so.” 

Something flew from the inside of his room and you swore out and covered your eyes as the flashbang went off. Disorientated, you stumbled when you felt a sudden impact. His hand wrapped around your wrist and slammed it against the wall. Despite the pain that had you gasp out, your tightened and your finger pulled the trigger. 

You slammed your head forward against his and went to knee him. Yet when your knee made contact one of his hands grabbed your thigh while he used your off balance and the weight of his body to force you onto the ground. 

Again he slammed your wrist but this time against the ground. Two more times and your grip loosened enough to fall from your grasp. Deimos snatched your gun and you went deathly still when the barrel pressed against the bottom of your jaw. 

“Nice gun you got here. LFP586, one shot from this and there's no coming back from it. Can't help but wonder where you got this.”

Silence stayed between the pair of you when you didn't answer him. He let out a small chuckle and you could practically hear the rolls in his eyes as he spoke. 

“You can talk I won't bite. Where'd you get the gun girly?”

“A bunch of operators use it. I don't know why you're surprised.”

He let out a tut. “Now it's rather a standard issue in GIGN but you're not GIGN are you? I can't recall such a weapon being on NZSAS’s artillery.” 

You swallowed and pressed your lips together. It was actually rather good that he was talking, perhaps you could stall enough time for someone to show up. 

“Now, last time- because I hate repeating myself, why does a girl like you have a gun like this?” 

“It was a gift. I've always preferred accuracy over quantity.”

“A gift huh?” You felt him twist the gun against your skin as he looked at it. “It seen a lot of combat hasn't it? Who gifted it to you?”

“Gustave did.” The words were a whisper on your lips. 

“Why?”

“A thank you from when we worked together in New Mexico.” 

“Oh, I heard all about that. Viral outbreak wasn't it? So much fuss.”

Your eyes shot to his and your lips sealed. It was classified information. He could be bluffing about it but the thought that he had such classified information has your heartbeat quicken. 

“Well I'm not one to steal a gift so let's say thank you for letting me borrow it.”

“Mind the kick. I'm sure the recoil is something new for you.” You spat the words out with venom but that just seemed to make the man happier. 

“ Now there's that fire I love. ” He grabbed you by the middle of your hoodie and pulled you off the ground. With the gun pressed against your head, you didn't dare try to get out of his grasp. Anyone else you might had but not Deimos. He was far too unpredictable and you couldn't lie that he was far better at hand-to-hand combat than you were. 

The door cracked open and you looked towards the silhouette. “Looks like someone else came to play. Nap time birdy.” Deimos voice was barely a warning before the hammer of your gun slammed against your head. 

-

Would have it been better if you stayed in bed? 

A groan left your lips as you woke up. Despite your arms being restricted behind your back you were able to sit up from your lain form. “Perfect timing to wake up.”

Slowly you blinked a few times and turned toward the voice. Deimos placed a tray on the ground next to you. In a surprising amount of gentleness, he pressed his fingers against your head. It was directed where he had hit you. The flash of pain had a hiss escape from your lips as you pulled it away from his touch. 

“It's bruised but you can handle that.” 

You glared at the man as he crouched in front of you. “I'd like my gun back now thanks.” The words were gritted from your teeth and while you knew he wouldn't return the gun it was more of an expression of how you felt more than anything. 

“I'm afraid your colleagues dealt with that when I decided to stretch my legs. You're lucky you got out in one piece.” 

He sat down on the floor properly and leaned in. “Trust me, I thought you would be a good little hostage but they were rather determined to stop me even if it meant taking you down with me.”

He picked up a chip from the plate and brought it to your lips. “You should be thanking me really.”

“Fuck you. Bastard. They were right to try and kill you.”

“Even if it meant killing you in the process?” 

“Yes.” Your lips snapped shut as he held it there.

“Open up sweetheart.” 

You glared at the man in response. With a huff, he removed the mask from his face and placed it on the ground next to him. His lips parted and he slipped the chip between them. All the while he kept eye contact. He bit into it and slowly chewed before he swallowed. 

“See, I wouldn't try and poison you.”

“Who said I thought it was poisoned? Maybe I'm not hungry.”

“It's been two days. Eat.” 

“You knocked me out for two days?!”

“No. I sedated you for easier handling and now it's finally worn off.” His voice was rather nonchalant and it wasn't until you jerked your head away that his stance tensed. 

“I don't know why you bothered. I'm not going to tell you squat even if I did know anything.” You hissed. 

Deimos chuckled and his hand reached for your face. His thumb gently stroked your cheek while his eyes roamed over the rest of your face. 

“Oh, I know you won't. There's not a thing in this world that you could say about Rainbow that I don't already know.”

“Then why bother at all? Why not just leave me there or kill me?”

“I'll tell you a secret little birdy.” He leaned in closer and his voice grew quiet. Not that it changed much, it was only the pair of you in the room. “I've grown rather fond of you and I think I'll keep you.”

Blood drained from your face as your lips grew dry. The realization hit you that you had no type of leverage against the man. If he wanted information at least you could hold out on that. 

“The feelings not mutual. I'd rather die.” 

Again he laughed and tutted at you. “Now sweetheart I don't think that's entirely true. If there's one thing I can do it's read someone and you’re an open book. You can deny it all you like but I think the feeling is rather mutual even if you can't say it.” 

“Fuck you!” You slammed your head forward against him. He let out a grunt and fell back. In his dazed state, you were quick to move. You rocked your body and jumped to your feet. With your hands secured around your back there wasn't much you would be able to do. Lucky enough the cuffs were just long enough for you to jump over them like a backwards skipping rope. 

You pounced on the man and used the chain to strangle him. To stop him from flipping you over, you leaned back and let gravity control your body. Deimos clawed at the chain for a second before his head suddenly flicked back and he went prone on the ground. The movement was quick enough for him to slip from your chain and recover. 

You stumbled back and readied yourself for his retaliation as he got to his feet. Deimos clicked his neck side to side but he didn't seem overly upset, instead, he seemed rather amused. 

A knife flashed from him and you took a step back to create a gap between the pair of you. “That wasn't very nice.” He clicked his tongue.

The knife swiped down and you used the joint of the cuffs to parry it. It collided with a loud metallic sound that had your eyes go wide as he pushed down. A grunt left your lips, the man was far stronger than he looked. 

The bastard had the nerve to wink at you before he twisted the blade. It coiled the chain around it and he yanked you towards him. Anticipating your forced movement towards him, he tapped the back of your neck and forced you against the wall. He untangled the knife and slipped it up so it rested against your neck. 

He stood behind you and sandwiched you between the wall. The warmth of his chest pressed against your back and you could feel his breath against your ear. “They'll come for you Gerald.” You cursed his name. 

“Rainbow?” He laughed and pressed against you harder. “How long did it take them the first time? Your presence changes nothing. Well, for them anyway.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“To me, your presence changes everything. ”

His knife trailed down against your throat until it reached your chest. It was pressed just hard enough to cut into the fabric.

“You're sick.” Your teeth were glued together and you didn't dare to move. Deimos’s lips brushed against your ear and for a moment you swore he kissed just beneath it. 

“No, no, no. You see, I'm very good at picking up people's micro-expressions and I know you. In the last few weeks, I've learnt to know you very well. Like I said, I don't think you hate this as much as you say. I reckon if I were to dip my fingers into that cunt of yours it would be soaking-”

“Fuck you!”

The knife suddenly tore through the rest of your shirt and you managed to clutch your shirt together. 

“As I was saying. If I found you before they did you would have been singing my praise long ago birdy.”

This time when he kissed you, it was far more prevalent. His lips slowly pressed against the side of your neck and slightly sucked on it as he enjoyed the taste of you. 

He pulled the knife away and tucked it back into his sheath before you felt his large hand cover one of yours. It curled around your hand and forced you to grope your breast with him. 

“Don't worry sweetheart. I won't force you to admit it.”

Your breath hitched and he paused his movement. 

“But I'm nothing but a man of honour. You tell me to stop and I will.”

“I've read what you've done. You wouldn't know what honour is if you looked it up in a dictionary.”

“You're probably right but I'm still a man of my word. Stay stop and I will.”

“You're a bastard.” 

His hand pushed yours upward and he replaced them. The inside of his fingers punched your nipple while he continued to palm it. Gerald's hips ground against your ass.

“I'm not hearing a no.” 

You could practically hear his smirk against your skin and when you went to open your mouth all that escaped was a small moan that only egged on him more. 

“Yeah? Do you feel that? Mmm, this is where a girl like you belongs. Pressed against me not worry 'bout anything.” His hand travelled down and didn't hesitate when it reached your pyjama pants. Gerald's hand slipped beyond the waistband and found the prize that was your wet cunt. His fingers slipped against the entrance with ease and started to tease your entrance. 

“Fuckin’ soaked. Was it just me or does being manhandled get you that worked up?”

“I…”

“Shh shh shh. I've got you. you don't have to pretend. It's just us here. Just us.” 

Two fingers curled inside of you but didn't move anymore. For a moment the pair of you just stood there completely still. The gravity of the situation started to dawn on you but you couldn't help the way that your head started to feel dizzy from his scent alone. 

He was such a man who commanded control of every situation. That natural scent was almost overpowering. You hadn't ever really noticed it even when you were in his room but now he was slow close it was impossible to escape. 

Would it stay on you long after his touch was gone? Would it claim you as his? Gerald's fingers retreated from you and you wondered if he had changed his mind. Had he sensed some type of hesitation from you? He pulled back slightly and turned you to face him. 

From there his eyes made contact with yours and he cupped your cheek with his palm. This time it was you who moved. Slowly you moved your hands up and his head tilted ever so slightly. It was obvious that he was interested in what you were doing and didn't make any attempt to stop you. His hand slipped from your face and allowed you to continue raising your hands up. 

You hooked your wrists over his head and rested them on the back of his neck. Carefully, you pulled him into you and his lips Glady made contact with yours. The floodgates opened as Gerald early kissed you. 

His mouth consumed yours in opened mouth gasps and he bent down slightly before he grabbed your thighs and picked you up with ease. Automatically you wrapped your legs around his waist as you lost yourself in his lips. 

Gerald held you there with ease, his hands feeling up your ass as he did so. When your lips parted for air he bit down slightly on your bottom lip and dragged it for a second. That smirk was still on his face. 

Your eyes kept contact while you let out small pants. He shifted your weight so it was more against the wall and allowed himself to hold you up with only one hand. Gerald pulled out that knife again and before you could say a word he sliced through the seams of your crotch. 

“The fact you came to me with no underwear on. Naughty girl.” 

“I'm in my pyjamas- ”

He cut your voice off as he placed the flat blade against your cunt. The coolness had your brain rewire and you let out a small strained sound. His tongue flicked over his teeth and the blade was gone. Gerald paused for a moment and pulled open his belt with ease. 

Then you felt it. You looked down to see his thick cock press against your entrance. The head strained for a second but then it slid in with ease. A shiver spread across your body and you griped onto his shoulders for dear life. You couldn't separate your hands very much and so they brushed against his neck as your nails dug in. 

Your eyes squeezed shut and you threw your head back against the wall as he continued to push in.

“Uh uh ah.” His thumb pushed on your chin. “Look at it. Eyes open sweetheart.” His voice wasn't mocking but one full of authority. It was a command that you obeyed without question. Your eyes looked down to see your cunt swallow his cock up. It took everything he pushed in until he was completely sheathed inside. 

All thoughts had long since left your head as he slightly readjusted himself and grabbed you with both hands again. With his grip secured he pulled you slightly away from the wall so that when he started to move you, your back didn't scrape against the concrete wall. 

There wasn't any warning. One moment you were filled stretched to the brim and then the next moment he was gone only for him to slam back in as he bounced you on his dick. A cry left your mouth and you pulled on his neck with the link. Your face buried in his shoulder as he continued that brutal pace.

Sure you had been fucked before but this was something different. Every bone in your body had turned into putty that he could meld by his will alone. Each time he re-entered it felt as overwhelming and consuming as the first. You swore you could feel him to your very core, all the way up to your chest. 

“I've got you birdy. That's it.” He purred in your ear and continued to praise you but you couldn't hear much due to the pounds of blood that echoed in your ears. 

The pair of you stayed there for god knows how long. Just him fucking you on his cock like a toy. He didn't stop even when you clenched down around him. He didn't stop when tears fell from your eyes and he didn't stop as you gushed around him. 

Gerald successfully managed to drain all energy from you by the time your cunt drained his cock. The kisses he placed on your head afterwards felt distant like he was on another planet. You didn't have the time nor the energy to think about the situation. All you could do was collapse fully limp in his arms.

-

Slowly you opened your eyes. Instead of the cell you had been subjected to, you found yourself rather cozied up in a large bed. For a brief second, you thought it was only a dream but as you blinked and looked around the room you realized you weren't familiar with your surroundings. 

You looked to the side only to see your reflection in a mirror that decorated the wall. In the reflection, you were met with the image of yourself. No longer were you in your pyjamas, instead you had a black shirt on and a pair of sweatpants. The shirt didn't fit quite right and you wondered if it was one of Gerald's. It certainly smelt like it.

The gears turned in your head and your eyes went wide. You saw the figure at the bed next to you and you spun around to see him asleep. The gravity of the situation crushed down on you and you swallowed. Slowly you got up out of the bed and your eyes went to his gun that was placed on his bedside table. 

No way he would leave it out right? It was surely a trap. It would at least be empty right? Either way, it was a weapon. His knife would be better. Yet as you looked on the floor you couldn't find it. 

You tiptoed over to the other side of the bed and silently picked it up. He didn't stir. You flicked open the chamber and your heart raced as you found that there were in fact bullets in there. Just to make sure you pulled back one bullet to check they weren't blanks. 

They weren't. 

“What are you planning to do with that birdy?” 

Your eyes snapped to Gerald. He was propped against the headboard and leaned back against one hand. With the blanket no longer covering him, you could now see his shirtless form. 

You aimed the gun at him and he didn't seem surprised. 

“I should kill you.” You hissed but couldn't stop the slight shake of your hands. Most people wouldn't notice it but he wasn't most people. 

“And why’s that?”

“You killed people.”

“And you haven't?”

“You killed innocents, you killed your own people. You killed Harry.”

“Harry was a cancer to this world. Even you should understand. After all, you left him.”

“Yeah, I left! I didn't fucking kill him for it. You were already gone- hell you killed your own team. You of all people don't have any right to lecture.”

“I did what was right to stop-”

“-You became the very thing you were supposed to stop.” 

Gerald weighed his head and pulled back the blankets from the bed. You took a step back and watched as he got to his feet. 

“Don't move.”

He ignored your command and continued forward until his chest met with the barrel of the gun. He grabbed your hand and instead of pushing your hand away, he pulled it up. The barrel rested against his forehead and he stared intensely into your eyes. 

“If you're going to shoot, you better not miss.”

His hand didn't leave yours though. His thumb rubbed over your knuckles as if he were comforting you. The soft gentle touch was such a contradiction to the rough merciless man he was.

Seconds ticked by until you suddenly pulled back your hand as if his touch burnt you. The corner of his lips curled up and you took a couple of steps back. 

“Not going to shoot?”

“Rainbow wants you alive.”

He laughed and you fled towards the door. “Keep telling yourself that sweetheart.”

“Don't call me that. D-dont follow me.” You yanked the door open and ran out the door. Silently you went down the hallways, careful not to bump into any of his men. Eventually, you found a bathroom and jimmied open the window. You had no idea where you were but anywhere was better than being by his overwhelming presence. 

You only looked over your shoulder once as you fled into the woods. He hadn't followed. 

[ryker-writes]

Could I request the dorm leaders with an s/o who's a zoologist?

of course darling! I don't know much about zoology or the profession, but I tried to look up what they do online so I hope it's accurate and to your liking <3

Request rules and Masterlists

Riddle:

he finds it very interesting

Riddle has a basic understanding of many animals, but he's never seen most of them in real life due to his mother keeping him inside most of the time

so he does like to learn more about them, but he loves even more to see them

he's a big animal lover

please show him your animals

he wants to learn how to take care of them any any other animals

you have his complete trust when it comes to taking care of Heartslabyul's animals

in fact he trusts you more than most of the students at the school

Leona:

Leona really likes it

both the Afterglow Savanah and Savanaclaw are pretty much full of beastmen so there can be a lot of animal behavior around you two

he likes not having to explain every little thing about something specific type of beastman do

but this also means that if anyone else doesn't understand beastmen things, he's going going to tell them to ask you instead

he also just really likes hearing you talk about something you like

so he'll ask you about a specific animal thing just to get you talking about it, and he'll just lay there quietly listening

it's his favorite way to fall asleep

if you bring animals near him, he won't even be disturbed

he just kinda vibes with them

Azul:

he has mixed feelings about it

don't get me wrong he loves you and your passion for zoology and animals

and he fully supports you when it comes to that

his condition is that there can't be any animals in the lounge

and he gets real nervous if there's a big animal near him in general (especially if it's an animal that eats octopus)

he also just worries about animals ruining his paperwork or getting into his things

but outside of all that, he fully supports you and even encourages you to tell him about it

he might even find inspiration to have events in the lounge based of different types of animals and ecosystems you tell him about

he may ask you about certain animals like lions...you know just incase he needs to make a deal with someone

Kalim:

asks you questions all the time

Kalim loves animals a lot and would always love to learn more about them

he'll pay to have an animal in Scarabia for a day just to ask you everything he possibly can about it

as you tell him about the animal and the environment it lives in, he's trying so hard to retain all that information

he's totally going to try and get animals to live in Scarabia for you

and he wants to use the animals that go together in their ecosystems...but he may have trouble remembering

don't be upset he's really trying

will ask you again about the ecosystem with some specific animal and run of with that information

next thing you know, Scarabia is completely filled with animals of all kinds because he wanted to create one giant ecosystem

Vil:

he thinks it's wonderful

Vil is someone who can truly appreciate your passion and love for animals

and he fully supports it too

as long as any animals you bring are kept under control

he would still love to see the animals and listen to anything you have to say about them

he even appreciates the beauty of both the animals and their ecosystems

he would love to do something like a photoshoot with some animals in their natural habitats

and anytime he's doing a photoshoot/acting with animals, he always calls you to ask about the specifics of the animals he's going to be working with

if you trust the animals, he will too without hesitation

Idia:

Idia really likes animals, especially cats

animals are just so much better than people

but that doesn't mean he'll just accept any big animal being near him

if it's something small like a ferret or something it's fine

but please don't bring in anything bigger than a fox or he'll get real nervous

he will allow the animals in his room as long as they are behaved and you can promise they won't break his things

if he's spending time with an animal or just being near one, he wants to know about it first and will ask you about it

Idia is another one who likes to listen to you talk while he does his own thing

so he may ask you about an animal while he's playing games

even though he's playing video games, he's listening to you and taking in everything you tell him

Malleus:

he finds it fascinating

most of the animals Malleus has seen are the ones that hang around Silver

...every other animal is scared of him and usually runs away when he gets near

Malleus supports your interest in zoology, but he wishes he could be more involved without scaring the animals

even if he knows all about some of the animals and their lifestyle, he's still going to ask you just because he loves hearing you talk about it

and he would love to show you the rarer types of animals he knows about and some that have gone extinct

do you want to learn about dragons-

[mysteriousbp]

We saw alot about kanako as an amalgamate but we have not seen anything about half-amalgamate kanako (first post kanako in a panic attack) and im really curious about that.

Does she have amalgamate powers (shapeshifting and possibly ignoring the laws of physics) or does she just turn a bit goopy is this something kanako and possibly clover control or is it more subconscious (i like the idea that instead of a hurt sprite she she will start to melt like zenith martlet) im a huge fan of the concept of kanako being back to normal but under certain circumstances she goes back to being an amalgamate só i really want to know what your take is

Bonus questions

Does kanako have a fear of neddles

Does she consider the other amalgamates as family, visits them and possibly tries to find a cure for them using her father's research in her teen years

And finally I DEMAND WHOLESOME ART OF GOOPY KANAKO AND CEROBA, SHE HAS SUFFERED FROM WAY TO MUCH ANGST LET US COMPENSATE WITH HAVING WHOLESOME ART OF MOTHER AND DAUGHTER BONDING

(Hope this doesn't give you to much trouble i have been watching your contente since the first post of this au and i love it i hope to see more of your contente and i hope you make more of this au)

Kanako half-amalgamate form is something subconscious that happens when whoever is in control has a panic attack or is really stressed out. 

And no, she doesn't have amalgamate powers. She just becomes goopy. (Even then, Amalgamates being able to shapeshift is kind of dumb. If they can shapeshift, why don't they just shapeshift into a more normal-looking form???)

Anyway. You said that you guys haven't seen anything about half-amalgamate Kanako? THEN HAVE THIS :D

A thing that I mentioned before that I haven't gone deep into is that my AU version of Kanako has Cleithrophobia. And that's the fear of being trapped. Which she gained after being trapped for almost 2 years in the true lab. It just felt right to give her that fear. And she gets the worst cases of panic attacks when she gets trapped inside an elevator or in a place where the only way to leave is an elevator and it's not working. She's just a little kid who was in a place she couldn't leave after losing a family member and not being able to see or hear from her mother. That would affect a child's mind really badly.

(If someone is wondering why Clover is only on one panel, it's because Kanako's brain subconsciously blocks everything around her when in a panic attack. Even Clover. So Clover has a hard time snapping Kanako out of her panic attack. And also, we only see Kanako's pov to see what's going through her head when she's panicking. Everything else, it's Sadie and GK pov.)

Bonus questions

"Does kanako have a fear of neddles"

Yes. She also developed Trypanophobia after the accident. Clover, it's the one in control of the body when they go get a vaccination or something else... After Kanako burned a doctor's office after using a fireball out of panic.

"Does she consider the other amalgamates as family, visits them and possibly tries to find a cure for them using her father's research in her teen years"

Kanako does consider the other Amalgamates to have distant families, and she does visit them from time to time.

And no, she doesn't try to cure them. Her father died from a soul experiment; she almost died too, and the other fallen monsters needed to melt together to stay alive. She knows that soul experiments are dangerous. She doesn't want to change, making things worse. It's already a miracle that the fallen monsters are still alive. Why risk killing them with a research that has already caused so much pain?

"And finally I DEMAND WHOLESOME ART OF GOOPY KANAKO AND CEROBA, SHE HAS SUFFERED FROM WAY TO MUCH ANGST LET US COMPENSATE WITH HAVING WHOLESOME ART OF MOTHER AND DAUGHTER BONDING"

Okay.

Have Ceroba comforting Kanako after she had a panic attack from a nightmare she had.

(Creatures notes: I don't know why... But Kanako with half-amalgamated hair looks great to me...)

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Her avoidance

She can talk. She can fight. She can quit. But can she really open up?

Can she open up about her feelings? About her vulnerabilities? About her fears? Can she not be strong for a sec? Can she admit she dropped a ball? Can she cry in public? Can she break in front of someone important to her? Can she let go of her G woman mask for a sec and be just Sydney, the woman who does not get it all together at all times? The one who feels relegated and thus hurt by her business partner? Can she voice her needs and frustrations about it in an honest conversation that invariably will take an emotional turn?

Can she, not during an argument, but during a heart-to-heart conversation really voice out how she feels and why? Can she put her needs into words assertively and clearly, without having to resort to anger?

Because anger is not always an explosion during an argument or a result of a stressful situation. No. For avoidants, anger is also a fuse that blows after the avoidant mechanisms have done their job for a while covering up what has been really simmering underneath the surface for far too long. Then the burst of anger happens as a consequence of that not as a proactive behavior, and usually comes accompanied by other emotions, such as frustration, guilt, grief sometimes, etc.

Can Syd really open up to Carmy or to anyone else for that matter, like she once did under that table or in the back alley? -both situations initiated by Carmy btw, not by her-

Can Syd really stop avoiding talking about things that hurt her or that would put her vulnerability on full display?

Can Syd open up about any emotion or situation that DOES NOT solidify her G woman persona?

She operates from that G woman level at all times. Even around her father. She's self-sufficient, strong, hard-working, courageous, intelligent, talented, extroverted, talkative, can be a social butterfly, etc. BUT CAN SHE OPEN UP ABOUT ANYTHING THAT UNDERMINES THAT DEMEANOR SHE HIDES BEHIND AT ALL TIMES?

My guess is YES. She can. She chooses not to, though. Because she's avoidant in nature, which is probably rooted in her motherless upbringing. Not saying she lacked love and nurturing here, in fact I strongly believe she had all of that and I went over that here already. Syd is fine (IK it doesn't look like it rn) and she will be OK because of that. I'm sure. She's got this.

But she grew up without a mother nonetheless. And that took its toll on her. Of course it did, how could it not? Her getting along pretty much effortlessly with Nat and Tina (both mother figures) has a lot to do with that.

Growing up without a mother, no matter how great a job your father does to compensate for that absence, will, in one way or another, result in abandonment issues that don't necessarily have to be limitant although they can certainly be at some points of our lives, especially when exposed to highly stressful situations or life-changing events. Or when you know someone that turns your whole life upside down.

It's a delicate ecosystem.

In this delicate ecosystem, Syd's ecosystem, she developed a very sophisticated type of avoidance that does not cancel out her extroverted ways, they are actually fully compatible with it and highly valued in the professional realm:

Emotional avoidance

Emotional avoidance is a preemptive strike to avoid things that are perceived as threats and are associated with experiencing and/or expressing certain feelings that would jeopardize the G woman complex upon which her entire personality is built in her case. It's a defense mechanism, nothing else.

As long as it can be controlled, this mechanism, is not a big deal and can even work in our favor because it helps us to compartmentalize, when necessary. Now, when this avoidance causes conflicts to stay unresolved (I'm talking about a definitive resolution, not a quick patch) to the point of triggering panic attacks or insomnia, etc. then that avoidance has to be tackled differently because it becomes a problem.

It's important to clarify that this doesn't have to be permanent but rather consistent, meaning: it doesn't have to ALWAYS be the case.

But as long it's the PREDOMINANT TRAIT -which results in frequent issues that could be prevented or solved by not behaving this way, by not avoiding really opening up about feelings, by not postponing certain uncomfortable conversations, by not avoiding the conflict those conversations may bring to the surface, and again I am not talking about waiting for the anger to hit the fan and having a day of fury (great movie BTW), I'm talking about opening up about emotions, even the uncomfortable ones, the painful ones and putting all of that into words, clear words, assertive words. Even if that means tapping into a vulnerability that causes us unease - then it's a problem. A big one.

Effective communication

I'm talking about communicating effectively as I mentioned here and here.

For that communication to happen, her avoidant ways will have to be addressed and managed. I wish Syd, just like Carmy, would go about it in therapy, but mostly likely, taking into account that Sydney is Storer's creation, it will be forced upon her via the worst-case scenario or something along the lines of "traumatic". Like the inevitable convo Carm and her will have to have at some point and it won't be pretty. But it certainly is necessary. So, she will have to open up about what she feels for him and all the implications and base her decision on that, on all the things and feelings she's either in denial about, not ready to admit or avoiding.

That means that being Carmy's counterpoint in this case will allow her to work on her own unsolved issues, which include but are not limited to:

Avoidance

In return, her mere presence in Carmy's life allows and also forces him to improve whatever he needs to improve in himself to keep her by his side.

Like I said→ They complement each other. And they mirror each other.

Bonus track: Emmanuel Adamu is the only one she really opens up to (except Carmy when there's a table involved) and even THAT she finds hard to do as well. They love each other but their conversations, when tap into her vulnerabilities or fears turn into arguments that end up leaving her frustrated and obfuscated because he forces her to quit avoiding talking about certain topics Syd prefers to avoid.

That qualifies as class A avoidance when you have a problem letting your guard down even in front of your own father, the person you love the most in this world and who you know for a fact that will never hurt you and whose sole purpose is loving you and protecting you. So, anyone who comes after him, will not have it easy either. Obviously. Well, Carmy happens to be the one who comes after and he's as talented for avoidance and evasion as he is in the kitchen, so no wonder we are trapped in this limbo S3.

But we have a way out of here. I'm positive. In whatever way they want to do it, this effective communication will happen between them at some point. And if nothing works, they will always have a table to get under, I mean it's a restaurant, they have plenty of tables there, they just have to use them wisely ;)

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[sigynpenniman]

Help me update Gerard's Wikipedia page photo!

I'm on a mission, and I need help. The primary photo on Gerard's Wikipedia page is currently this, from 2017:

It's a fine photo, but it's 7 years old. I'd very much like to update it to something more current, optimally something from the tour. Unfortunately, that hasn't gone well in the past. Several people have attempted to do just that, but the issue is that Wikipedia doesn't allow copyrighted images to be used except in extremely specific circumstances, and primary images on pages of significant people don't count. All the images people have previously tried to use (the most recent was a photo from Dallas) have been copyrighted and pulled from the Wikimedia commons, and replaced back to this one. I'd like to get it updated properly this time, but I need everyone's help.

In order to get under the Wikipedia copyright rules, the image needs to either be creative commons, public domain, explicitly permissioned, or own work. In other words, essentially, if it's not already released as creative commons, it basically needs to be an image you took yourself. I obviously don't have any, so I'm calling on the fandom.

I need photos that are:

taken either by you yourself or someone you personally know that you can seek permission from

relatively high quality and clean - photos taken on a phone are potentially okay, but they need to be decently straight on, crisp & well lit, not grainy or too dark. He needs to be framed fairly close (full body is fine, just not a tiny little mousegirl as seen from the back of the room) and facing the camera. They don't need to be looking directly at or making eye contact with the camera, but nothing from extreme angles or in profile.

semi-neutral - not of him screaming, rolling around on the floor, eating the microphone, etc. Singing & posing is good just no chaos or major upskirts.

decently representative - meaning, it looks fairly accurate to what Gerard actually looks like, so no makeup, blood, or masks. This means Sydney, Tokyo, Osaka, any shows with the clear plastic mask, the skeleton, black swan, the forehead bullet hole and WWWY (the old man night) are out. The rest of the shows are good though. I would especially love photos of the cheerleader. I would really love to make the main wiki photo cheerard.

SOMETHING YOU ARE WILLING TO RELEASE COPYRIGHT OF. Any image that goes onto Wikipedia effectively becomes creative commons when uploaded, and there is a rule specifically prohibiting the use of images that have been given "wiki permission" from their photographers - ie, the photographer says "this is okay to upload on Wikipedia but not anywhere else." That's against the rules, so you/your friend needs to be okay with the image being allowed for use by anyone forever, effectively

IF YOU HAVE A PHOTO THAT COULD WORK: DM me here or on discord. My handle is the same over there. I know there's not going to be a lot out there. Most of the best photos are copyrighted and most of what everyone has taken is chaotic, dark, grainy, etc. I know this is a longshot, which is why I'm crowdsourcing.

NOT YET ASKED QUESTIONS (FAQ):

"Isn't wikipedia editable by anyone? Why are you putting yourself in charge of this and asking for people to reach out to you instead of just asking someone with the photo to upload it to wikipedia themselves?"

Yes, Wikipedia is editable by anyone who chooses. If you have an image you have taken yourself that you think will work and want to go make this change, go for it. However, unfortunately, this is a less trivial thing than it seems. As detailed above, Wikipedia's copyright rules are extremely strict, which is why previous efforts have failed. Additionally, Gerard's article is semi-protected, which means it can only be edited by a registered Wikipedia user with a certain number of days on the website. Additionally, Wikipedia is actually pretty tightly controlled. Most of Wikipedia is closely watched by experienced editors and changes to popular articles (pages about current celebrities very much count) will be reverted if they don't meet guidelines. In fact, if you go look at the talk page on Gerard's wiki right now, a lovely soul has offered a beautiful photo of the secretary to be used for the article, but it's never been updated, likely because the photo is very low quality and not very clear, and doesn't show their face well. I have some experience editing Wikipedia, and I want to use that to guide this towards being done the right way. Previous attempts to update the image that fall outside of Wikipedia's guidelines have been reverted half a dozen times and that's why we still have the image we have. If you have a photo to use and Wikipedia experience, please go swap it in yourself, I'll love you forever. However, I know that's not something a ton of people have. So I promise I'm not trying to make myself god of a Wikipedia article here - I just want to shepherd this towards getting fixed for good by making sure it's done 100% above board this time, so it sticks.

If you don't have a photo, I would appreciate a reblog. I need as many eyes as I can. I know someone out there has something that will work - help me find them!

[sirjuggles]

Things My Partner Knows About The Locked Tomb Through Osmosis

I am an unrepentant and annoying TLT fanboy, to the point where my partner has sworn to never read the books on principle (for this I respect them). However, given that I never shut up about these miserable books, they have picked up quite a bit of knowledge about them purely through my rants. With that in mind, I asked them to describe to me everything they think they know about The Locked Tomb (notes in italics are mine)

There are characters named Gideon, Nona, and… something like… Pacifica Sales Bonecruncher of the West? I'm pretty sure this is supposed to be Harrow's full name and title.

It's a scifi-fantasy world in a necromancy space realm 

There's… 10 kingdoms that are all part of an Empire? Or maybe houses? But they're part of a monarchy? 

The ruling classes of each of the realms gets summoned by God because they want to play a Hunger Games thing to find their… new God child? 

It's not a God child like he's gonna adopt them… it's like rebirthing them into a new god? They will also become God? 

Each one of the realms has a special quirk about them, something that's their specialty. Like, one realm are accountants. Shockingly accurate.

Gideon and Pacifica’s realm are like cool goth themed? More goth than the others. Extra-goth.

Oh there's a person named… Electra? They have long blonde hair and kickin curves and they're really hot? Everyone likes them? I'm pretty sure this is a conflation of Alecto and Corona as seen through reblogged fanart.

Personal philosophy aside rant: The whole necromancy-as-center of-an-empire thing… I find it kinda rude? I don't like the idea of people and their remains being used as a resource/tool. Like, I don't like using people as interchangeable cogs in a machine under someone else's control, both in life or in death. It doesn't seem consensual or respectful. In death your obligations should be released. 

I think Gideon has a big hero’s death while trying to save Pacifica, and then their… souls mingle? And then after that Pacific has Gideon-flavored intrusive thoughts? And I'm not sure if it actually is Gideon or just, like… the same as if you stare at the sun and get the after image burnt into your cornea. This isn't wrong, but I'm almost certain part of this is actually my ramblings about Baru Cormorant leaking through.

Is reincarnation or resurrection a thing? I feel like it should be in a necromancy setting. 

DIRECT QUOTE: “Is there a Jesus allegory in here? I feel like there is. Wait... Is Gideon Jesus?” Folks, upon hearing these words casually spoken out loud by someone with no knowledge of context, I straight up left my body.

God is just a chill dude. He's just a guy making pancakes, and occasionally he'll go “How's that whole Hunger Games thing going? You want a snack? I'm just gonna be over here.”

God was wanted by aliens or something? There's something bigger going on with entropy or heat death or the Discworld auditors and it's a problem for God and that's why he's doing the whole Hunger Games thing. 

I think God used to be not a God and that's why he's such a chill dude. And then there was a problem and everything was dying so he did something and necromancied everything and that's why he's God now and also why things are so weird? 

One of the groups from the houses was two annoying siblings who split from the party and died really quickly. 

Gideon is big and bulky and has short red hair. 

[nalyra-dreaming]

Not the same anon!

https://www.tumblr.com/nalyra-dreaming/764053264567238656/httpswwwtumblrcomnalyra-dreaming764035488039

Completely agreed with you, yikes. But do you mind elaborating on how things will get ugly and leave an unpleasant aftertaste when Amel shows up?

... Alright.

So let me preface this again, by pointing out that this is not something I want, but what I see written on the wall with what we got so far, and what Rolin and others have said. I called it putting "2+2" together, and it fits, because it's something that clicked into place after Sam mentioned certain things, and which seem very clear to me now. I would be very surprised if it didn't go like this, especially, since s2 more or less went like I expected, except details. But as with s1, they hit all the emotional beats and necessary story points, and I expect this to stay the same for the future seasons.

I'm putting this under the cut, because spoilers:

I'll recap a bit, so it makes sense within the structure as I see it.

The "fight" in 1x05 is split in three phases: inside, the driveway, in the sky

If we go by the trial revisit being the truth, then the driveway and the bite, as well as the sky have been tampered with, in memory - the dragging itself is done by a pristine Lestat, and even the biting one and the one in the sky do not have enough blood on them. They seem to have confirmed the drop having happened, and so I'm taking that as is.

Lestat goes on about "his nature", in a very weird voice in the driveway, while dragging Louis. (I talked about this before, for example here.) Apart from the truly harsh image this scene presents the whole acting choices and wording have always seemed weird to me. Knowing what an incredible actor Sam is drives home this was intentional. So let's keep that in mind. As mentioned before though the scene was "edited" - by Armand? Maybe. Maybe it is even a suppressed or edited-by-someone-else memory. In both cases it means it masks something else there. Maybe something worse.

In 1x06, in the car scene, Lestat says "I don't know what possessed me that night.". That is when the alarms in my head went off, and loudly. Because Amel's later awakening, literally possessing other vampires, is a violent and bloody one - and the possessed vampire does not always remember. Sam talked about this in Autumn's interview, that Lestat has this "thing inside him" that is hard to control (at ~40mins).

We all know what 1x05 did to the fandom, and the ever circling back discussions, because it was NOT "just" two vampires fighting, it was NOT "just" about canon abuse. The canon abuse was Lestat fighting once with Louis on equal grounds, and Louis being afraid he would "destroy the parlor in a rage"... meaning take his frustration out on the furniture. Louis and Claudia were not afraid of him (I talked about it in the car scene, Louis and Claudia are NOT afraid of him in the show either, but that's a different discussion.) But it was NOT Lestat beating his partner to a pulp, the white guy dragging his black partner as if on a meat hook, and then throwing him out of the sky. Making it seem as if Louis and Claudia were trapped. And so on.

Rolin has named "Prince Lestat" as one of the sources for the show, and Fareed being there is a clear evidence of that as well. He also said in an interview that "Lestat has hints of the prince in him" already.

So, with all this in mind, especially with what Sam has said:

The way I see it, they will (in broad strokes, never mind the details, obviously) keep Lestat fighting with his "nature", aka the spirit that is awakening and hungry for violence, which presents as toxic masculinity. That presentation will be why Akasha chooses him, but, as in the books, her quest will ultimately fail because the others will not be on her side... and Lestat does not help her (in the end), is not the one she took him for. Amel will wake/is already awakening. He will be the driving force behind Lestat's and even Akasha's violent outbursts, or desire for violence. I am not sure if they will make him "evil", they might.

To get to why I said this will be "ugly":

When book fans were crying foul re characterization in season 1 we were called racists, abuse apologists, and what not (and it has been taxing AF, to put it mildly), but actually it is a skewed characterization. Because Lestat canonically never did that to Louis or Claudia.

What the show does here, and which Sam confirmed and Rolin hinted at, is that Lestat's violence... is actually Amel. Amel taking over.

And that - is actual abuse apology.

In the very sense of he word.

Because they ramped up the abuse to a level that was inexcusable, so the "murder night" seemed inevitable too, thereby laying out a big, big stumbling rock for the show.

Lestat takes responsibility for the drop, haha, they're vampires, remember that, haha. The fight inside was not as shown and as left festering for years, haha, no, actually Louis went at Lestat, and Lestat let it happen, haha!!! Oh, the dragging and biting part outside is just Amel, taking over Lestat's body, he loves violence and blood, haha, oh and he loves looking at green eyes, isn't that cute???

//sarcasm off

Can you imagine this fandom, this fandom which cannot even really take the mental step back to realize that s1 and s2 have been an edited tale ... can you imagine this fandom being confronted by this (imho upcoming) show fact??

'That is what I meant will be very ugly.

They cannot even stomach this show being about monsters, or one of them still loving the other when one has actually dished out abuse. The discussions about the "white demon" have been going on ever since season 1, no matter the reveals in s2.

Now imagine that person, this in the show's setup white person(!) being absolved of (some of) their crimes against their black partner.

It's gonna be reaaaallllyyyyy ugly, fandom-wise.

And, to repeat, I don't like it either.

They should not have done that, imho. They should not have tied this level of abuse to an edited tale and Amel's awakening arc.

But they did.

And here we are.

[fuck-customers]

I'm still a bit mad about this so here we go-

My place of work closes at 5. These two customers come in like ten till and get a bunch of plants (I work at a plant shop). The one guy wants delivery, fuck me cause delivery orders take a while to do with all the damn paperwork and he has like 15 plants. I tell him the delivery fee, he asks if it's subjective on the amount of plants he gets, I explain it's a flat fee and that it gets delivered by a box truck. He decides he's gonna go back and get more plants. At 4:51. I tell him we close at 5 sharp, he says okay, but we all know that doesn't mean jack shit. He spends like another 10-15 getting more plants.

While he's going back there I start writing up the information for delivery. Plant name, gallon size, quantity, price, ect...

One of my coworkers comes up with the golf cart full of plants. There was probably 15+, atleast. It's like 4:55 now. He says the lady is still shopping in the back and has another cart full of plants. Fuck me again. He says she has a Beep and isn't gonna fit it all in there and is probably gonna do delivery. Double fuck me. I haven't even counted the cash drawer yet. I start writing up this first order. Again, all the details. Everythin.

One other coworker says she already got the prices of plants for the second order (the second cart, on top of the golf cart, the customer brought up) in the register computer. I say she (customer) wants delivery, so she walks away. Just leaves, as I'm writing up the order. Thanks for the fuckin help.

This is where I get more angry than I already was. Manager comes up, asks what's going one. It's past 5 at this point, we're closed. Except we're not cause both these fucks are out in the garden gettin more plants. I explain *both these customers want delivery. She says I can't do two things at once and that we need to 'divide and conquer'. First of all, divide and conquer my ass. I am conquering, no one is helping me. One cowroker even left while I was doing the order write up. I already wrote up all the information for the first order (besides stuff like customer address, I just did the plant details) and I'm pretty much almost done with writing up the next order. Bitch customer number 2 then is up front and loading plants in her car, which no one told me, which the coworker who brought them up who's helping her SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME the customer was taking certain plants. My manager and I have a back and forth, me basically explaining 'I already wrote down the information for BOTH orders'. She then makes me hand her my paper with order 2 on it and she basically disregards my entire work I just did, redoing everythin. I literally had it under control, I wrote down EVERYTHIN (that I could do). Plant names, quantity, prices, gallon size, and it was over 40+ plants in the end. At this point I'm pissed cause it's like 20 past five, neither one of these customers have their order written up officially (I use a scrap paper first then write nice on the order form), I don't want to leave in rush hour traffic and neither customer is upfront actually paying for their order.

Eventually another coworker comes up and helps the other other one who's still slow with doing orders. I give her all my information I wrote up for order 1. Weather or not they actually used it, idfk. I'm just pissed that all my effort went to waste for NOTHING for my manager to tell me I'm doing it 'wrong'. I was *this🤏 close to just clocking out and leaving since clearly no one wants the actual effort I put into these two damn fiasco of orders. Someone else can count the two cash drawers out, if you're gonna disregard my effort then you clearly don't want it and you can get someone else to do it.

This and the other shit that has been piling on, like my coworkers not helping me when we get busy and me feeling singled out for 'not checking customers out fast enough, not being vigilant of the front' makes me want to look for a new job. I'm tired of hustling my ass just to be told I'm slow at it, that I'm not cognizant, that my effort isn't enough. Why they don't get on my coworkers, idk. They do fuck all while the phone is blowing up and I have a line of customers upfront. They literally have 20 minute chats with the manager while I'm gettin slammed with customers or I'm actually doing somethin productive. It's only been six months but I'm already thinking of leaving.

Posted by admin Rodney

[hollowed-theory-hall]

as an adult do you think there are any little habits or things that voldemort retains from his youth?

In a way, yeah, I'm sure he does.

The way we grow up affects us, and I think you'll find a lot of people retain certain habits from a very young age. I mean, people are, for the most part, creatures of habit. We like to have a schedule we follow every day.

Voldemort is a perfectionist, always was. And I don't think anyone would argue he doesn't have obsessive tendencies. So it's incredibly likely he had certain 'ceremonies' he did every day before going to bed or something like that. Like, the order of things and the way he does things being perfectly replicated every day. The thing is when it comes to little habits like that we don't really see him have any. Like, we don't know much about his eating habits, or what he does before bed or to relax or anything like that. We just don't really have that information.

But with his personality, he probably does have pretty rigid patterns in his day. Besides being used to it from the orphanage and Hogwarts, both of which had pretty rigid schedules. Old habits die hard, and all that.

What habits I can actually point at and say he probably does that... well, there aren't many because we just don't know. But this is what I have to offer:

We know he likes collecting things. Both as a child and later with his Horcruxes. I'd say working in Borgins and Burkes was definitely a decision connected to his appreciation of collecting rare magical artifacts to study. And it makes sense he'd like to have things, considering he grew up with basically nothing to his name. Especially nice things.

He most likely reads a lot, as a young child, a Hogwarts student, and an adult, since it goes hand in hand with studying magic. And it was probably one of the only things he could do at the orphanage to pass the time since he wasn't really playing with the other children there.

We also know younger Tom had a diary, so he might have used it for journalling before he turned it into a Horcrux. Considering he has a strong sentimental connection to his other chosen Horcruxes, I'd go on a limb and say he wrote in it before making it one. He is dorky enough for that (the diary would be under various privacy spells, obviously). We don't know if he still journals, but I'm sure he at least writes down all his magical research and experiments somewhere. He won't be a proper academic otherwise.

I think someone like Tom would honestly find comfort in something like journaling, it's structured, completely controllable, and predictable. It's something a young Tom Riddle could do that is just his and only he chooses when and what he wrote. Also, as no one else sees it, there is no failing it. Also, he has the dramatic flare for writing overly formal journal entries at the age of 11 (he's still dramatic, so that didn't change). So, I think this is a likely habit for the younger Tom that the older one continued, if for different purposes.

Not really a habit, but he's very suspicious of others and their intentions. He shows as much in his meeting with Dumbledore, that is definitely a behavior he retains. As an adult, he is just as suspicious and keeps everyone at arm's length.

Like, if we look just at behavior, he shares a lot with his younger self from the orphanage, deep down he is that same orphan raging at the world and wanting control and power he never had. I wrote a whole series about his personality and mentioned it there. But, that's more behavior than habits, so I don't think it counts.

Sorry, I can't offer you more habits. Unfortunately, there is a lack of book evidence on what Voldemort does in his free time when he isn't trying to kill Harry Potter...

[ejtheoneandonly]

COMFORTING THEM AT THEIR WORST (or some sh*t I thought of at 3am)

Feat.Haruka Sakura, Akihiko Nirei and Hayato Suo.

Haruka Sakura.

Haruka was bruised and normally, you would treat his wounds, he never admits it but L O V E S when you are the one doing it, as he consider your touches to be one of the most warm he has encountered in his whole life, you can even see it in his eyes, he is so mellow. When you try to talk to him about his day (before the brawl, of course) he remains strangely quiet, as if he is reflecting about something, you tilt your head "Haru-kun?", his eyes turned to you "what?" He coldly said...

"Is there something wrong?"

"Nah, nothing at all, why you keep asking?"

"Because it seems like you're going through something, do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

When you're done with your job, you both go sit somewhere outside, Sakura's face seems still at unease. You decide to try talk him out one more time

"Haru-kun-"

"Oh for f*cks sake what?!"

"How did you just talk to me..?"

"I said I'm fine! I don't need anything now!"

"If you say you're fine with that face that means you are not necessarily fine, you don't have to carry everything alone you know?"

"Ugh!" The bi-colored boy stood and groaned "I am not telling you I feel terrible just because you say-...so..." he said it himself. "And?" You were curious to hear the story. "..." Sakura grabbed his head and fell into the ground "Goddammit!!! Why can't I just feel to fit in no matter what I do!!! If I am not strong I am nothing! I really have no other things to offer!! I...I..." His voice was breaking and you didn't think twice before embracing him "You need to be patient, from what I've seen, things have been going very well in Furin for you, and you seem to have fun, I'm pretty sure your peers have already accepted you, or else, who are Nirei and Suo to you?"

Sakura is hesitant, but at the same time...he doesn't want to let you go.

Akihiko Nirei

You and Nirei were in a date, you were walking on the streets, admiring every single thing while you also see the yellow fluffball taking notes of the things you 'wow' at. Today was pretty nice, you bought some food, drinks and took some photos. The thing happened when he was walking you home, it was dusk time and some criminals arrived, threatening to harm you both, Nirei, wanting to be your hero, decided to face them himself but got outnumbered, fortunately, you knew how to fight, so you decided to help him. You both won, they left, you both went to your home, checking if there were any severe injuries. Suddenly, the yellow fluffball wailed.

"Oh no, what happened? Do your injuries hurt?" Your voice sounded so sweet and attentive, you were always like this, main reason he fell in love with you.

"It's just..." *sob* "Just..."

"You can tell me anything."

"I'm tired of being useless, I always wonder, how did I even get to enter Furin if I don't even know how to fight! Even if Suo-san trained me, I will still never be as cool as him or Sakura-san! I am so useless!! I am so useless!!" Nirei was 😭

"No! Don't say that! I love you just how you are! I chose you for you, I could have chosen Sakura or Suo as you say but no, want to know why I chose you?" You said getting closer to him

"🥺?" He looked to your direction

You kissed him in the cheek "Because you always have good intentions, even in the things you are not good at, you always give it all and that's what made me fall in love with you, you are the strongest in my eyes and heart, and always will"

Nirei just kept crying (lol) but it was okay, crybaby and all you still loved him.

Hayato Suo

Hayato Suo is someone who you rarely see sad, this patched person always kept in control of his emotions and thoughts, you were always certain he always had everything under control, but what would happen if those restraints...

...snapped...?

You and the patched guy were drinking tea at a chinese market, both enjoying the view as you enjoyed each other's company, even if you didn't spoke much, the silence was already good enough, but you decided to now check on him, you could feel it, there was stuff he has hiding, you sensed his mind was in a tempest, an unpredictable force that could break out at any moment. Hayato Suo is very good at hiding his emotions to the point it's scary, you will never know what's going on with him, unless he wants to tell you...

At last, you decide to break silence "Suo?"

He turned at you, with a tiny grin "yes?"

"I...have feeling you...you um..." You were sometimes scared that he might take your words the wrong way or worse, that a possible argument arised, but decided to take the risks. The chinese presenting guy blinked "anything you need to say?" He said as he finished his tea.

"You are going through something terrible right now and as much as you want to avoid it I know! I just know it! And I don't care if you say 'I'm fine', I know you're not but let me tell you, whatever you are going through, let me be there for you! As complex as it may be I will do until my last breath to-" You were passionately pronouncing those words you did cause a scene at the market, everyone was now staring at you "...sorry" you sat down again. He chuckled "your passion and dedication towards me is so admirable but..." his aura abruptly changed to a darker one "even if I told you, you would never be able to handle it, this is something very personal of me and I kindly beg you to leave it..."

You were speechless but mainly concerned, of course you never feared he attacked you, you knew he could never but the situation of right now, left you thinking, if he even trusted you enough, maybe not yet...

In the end, you both walked away from that place, you hoped one day, Hayato Suo would trust you and let himself be as vulnerable as ever, so you could be there for him with no doubt...

Forgive if this looks ooc, oh God T-T, also, to the 3 people that read this, you deserve the whole world ⚘️)) if you want another part then say so, I guess.