#to go to therapy which he eventually does and it allows him to open up about his selfish decision he made years ago

[allpiesforourown]

Had a dream about your Bingge asshole roommate au and it was endgame liushen.

So basically, the Shens go on a family summer vacation, almost three whole months. It's a big deal because everyone manages to get time off work for it and therefore Shen Yuan needs to be there for the family bonding. Shen Yuan tries to wheedle Luo Binghe into joining the trip but Shen Jiu (can't remember if he's in your au but he's in my dream) puts his foot down and says no and then threatens Bingge into not ruining this trip by hogging his didi or he'll make sure Luo Binghe never sees Shen Yuan again.

While the Shens are on this trip they coincidentally run into the Liu family who are there for martial arts tournaments and vacation. While Shen Yuan is messaging Luo Binghe he's been put on a screen allowance, so only so much online time a day. He doesn't mention Liu Qingge to Bingge bc there's much more important things going on. Liu Qingge does not post on social media and therefore Bingge can't find out through him. Shen Yuan and Liu Qingge go on many classic summer adventures (wife plots) and eventually start dating.

Now here's the thing. You'd think by the time they get back Shen Yuan would tell Luo Binghe, right? Well, unfortunately Bingge has expressed his discomfort with being associated with anything or anyone homosexual and while Shen Yuan would never accuse Bingge of being homophobic, he also wouldn't want to put Bingge into the awkward position of having a gay roommate. So Shen Yuan doesn't tell Bingge but he does start hanging out with Liu Qingge more which Bingge doesn't notice bc Shen Yuan tells him that Shen Jiu wants him around more. This works because 1) Shen Jiu is willing to play into this bc between the manwhore beast and the noble brute he'd prefer the latter and 2) Shen Jiu is playing chaperone and 3) Even when Liushen have sleepovers it's at the Shen estate and if they share a room it's with the door open and with Liu Qingge on the floor. They hold hands.

This means Bingge directs all ire at Shen Jiu and even his location tracking on Shen Yuan doenst work. Eventually, Liushen decide to move in together and Shen Jiu convinces Shen Yuan to move out all his things before telling Bingge and that Shen Yuan didn't have to worry about Bingge being homeless bc Shen Yuan could still pay the rent until Bingge found a place of his own. It's only at this point that Bingge finds out about liushen and he crashes out but Shen Yuan interprets it as Bingge being vaguely homophobic and decides to leave Bingge to calm down. Bingge never has anything nice to say about liushen dating so this presumption is never cleared up.

Also, Shen Yuan will forever have rose-tinted glasses for Bingge but after dating the most noble man alive he's able to compare Bingge's attitudes towards his girlfriends to Liu Qingge with him and realises Bingge isn't a great boyfriend. He excuses it with Bingge needing therapy and having a hard childhood and that Bingge would be a good partner if he wasn't struggling. He leaves pamphlets on being a good partner, couples therapy and other such things for Bingge.

Bingge never recovers from liushen getting engaged and when they get married he makes a scene and has to be escorted out. Shen Yuan is convinced that Bingge was severely dependent and attached to him (Shen Joy's subtle prodding) and that more distance would be good, and also therapy.

I'm of the firm belief that once Shen Yuan is in a mutual, loving respectful relationship he cannot be seduced or stolen away. He is a faithful monogamous man (to his harem's chargin).

Dream demon Liu Qingge ass dream 😭😭 He crafted that in your head personally

[ven-of-oath]

Yeah I personally don't view the lim life family tree as actually 'canon' in the blood related sense cause it just doesn't fit and it's not like any of them have a clear 'mentee + mentor figure' dynamic like sbi for example

can we all agree to stop trying to make sense of the limited life family tree 😭 i can accept cleo etho scar & bdubs as a family but when bad boys & the rest of ties are brought into it it gets icky because of how many times theyve flirted with each other which... is hard to ignore...

ALSO a lot of it is definitely offhanded jokes ("tim are you my son" "yeah" "im a dad boys", grian calling scar dad) that making sense of it will kill all of your sanities. as a maker of confusing family trees i am trying to protect you all trust 🙏

[kolyubov]

Ok I need you to hear me out! What about dazai, Fyodor and or Nikolai with a s/o that is the psychologist/therapist for their respective organisation! Is reader aware that they are way beyond redemption? Yes, does reader know that they can't fix them? Also yes, but as their s/o they try their best to save the little sanity they have left by reminding them to take their pills/vitamins, having casual therapy sessions with them and comforting them after (btw I don't think any of them would go to therapy on their own so reader being the therapist of the organisation they are in would make more sense for them to communicate and eventually form a relationship, plus I think a emotionally intelligent reader would really balance them out)

Have a wonderful day or night and don't forget to hydrate!!!!

omg nonnie, this is very interesting! I tried my best to imagine these three going to therapy… sort of.

please remember to hydrate yourself too<33

Therapist s/o!

✧ contents. sfw!!

I'm kind of sure that a psychologist (and I think a therapist too) is not allowed to have a personal relationship with their patient, so I'd like to think that their relationship with their s/o is a secret, at least inside the organization.

Dazai will come to visit you every day even if it's not necessarily for a therapy session.

He only goes to the Agency to see you— I imagine you have a small office inside the building of the Agency, so whenever Dazai is bored, he leaves the Agency's office and goes downstairs to visit you!

For him, it's a good thing that his s/o is also his therapist because he won't open up with anyone else but you. He would ask for you to run your fingers through his fluffy hair as he tells you how his past memories are still tormenting him sometimes.

Since you're a professional and know so much about people's minds, your conversations are always very deep which he's thankful for; knowing that someone understands him and gives him the comfort that he needs badly.

Dazai doesn't need any type of medication I think. Maybe he'll need to sleep better and eat properly but as long as you sleep with him and remind him to take his meals, he'll do as you said<3

-

I believe Fyodor doesn't want therapy, or pills, even if he needs them.

You know his physical and mental health are not the best, and he knows it too, but he doesn't care about it that much.

Maybe the roles would turn upside down? He would ask why you have such opinions and would discuss a lot of philosophical stuff about human beings and their lives and the way they socialize with other humans.

Fyodor would be the stubborn type; like, you would tell him to go out for a walk and get some fresh air because he's lacking vitamin D but he only chuckles and says that he doesn't need to, that he's perfectly fine.

A few hours later he would go out for a walk as you said and left a small bouquet of flowers he collected himself on your desk.

Also, he comes to ask for your opinion on important things before doing them!

-

Nikolai wouldn't take things seriously most of the time. He needs to make silly jokes and tease you as you try to advise him for his own good.

He would gladly take any pills you give him but you need to sit on his lap and give him the pill yourself, then kiss his forehead and call him a good boy. If not, he would refuse the medication.

Sometimes he feels very very down, like; he enters your office with a somber expression and needs to be cuddled as you try to help him solve his problem.

You make him feel happy even if it's just with a kiss on the cheek or words of affirmation<3

Definitely surprises you and teleports behind you as you're doing paperwork.

About his “freedom” thing… As much as you'd like to tell him that it's (almost) impossible, he won't stop trying to reach his goal and will keep on telling you with a big smile how he plans to achieve it. Well… At least he's still your Nikolai for now.

2024 © pinklacydovey

[tiredmamaissy]

Make Your Choice: Part II

🔞 minors, do not interact 🔞

Part I

Characters: Neteyam Sully (21) x Fem Na’vi Reader (20) x Lo’ak Sully (20)

Warnings: NSFW, filthiest, grimiest smut I’ve ever written, profanity, jealous/territorial behaviour, rough sex, rough oral sex, dom lo’ak, dom nete, overstimulation, degradation, see warning re incest

❗️I don’t see this as incest because they are not engaging with each other - only with the reader. They take turns, and don’t touch each other in any sexual way. However, this does involve them both sexually engaging with the same person. Do with this info as you will. Do not engage if this is may be a trigger for you.❗️

Word Count: 4k

Author’s Note: I need therapy. Enjoy, besties

Synopsis: Lo’ak and Neteyam take turns fucking you to show you who would make a better mate.

Previously on ‘Make Your Choice’:

“I – I think I need to try you both first.” You moan softly, flickering your eyes between the two of them.

They both look at you and grin, dropping their gaze down to the slick pooling on the table.

“Let’s get it done, my love.” Neteyam says in a husky voice, sliding his hand over your cunt.

“Let’s do it, y/n.” Lo’ak adds, taking your nipple into his mouth.

----

For a while, you allow both of them to have their way with you, touching every inch of your body.

Neteyam is so fixated on your pussy – fingering and eating you out again, determined to finish what he started. Whilst Lo’ak is sucking your nipples and brushing his cock against your outer thigh.

How did it get this far? How did you even get into this position? When did Lo’ak take off your top? Why is Neteyam gulping so loudly? All you were supposed to do was give them each a turn and make your final decision. But you can’t.

You can’t decide – because you want them both.

“Neteyam... Lo’ak...” you moan their names, feeling dazed. “I thought we were playing fair.”

You can barely catch your breath from them both sucking away at you. Grunting and mumbling into your most sensitive areas, they ignore your whimpers as they’re too busy tasting all the succulent flavours that your body has to offer. It’s all too overstimulating – you can’t even think properly.

“Guys... ugh, fuck. Guys!” you moan loudly, bowing your back against the table. “Please... ‘ts too much!”

Neteyam is the first to unlatch, yanking his fingers out of your cunt, frustrated yet again that he wasn’t allowed to make you cum. Lo’ak lingers for some time, chasing his high from dry humping the softness of your thigh. The closer he gets to cumming, the harder he sucks your raw nipples. Its like he can’t decide which nipple he wants the most, switching between them hungrily. You look down at the sight, watching him try to squeeze your breasts together, close enough so that he could suck both your nipples at once.

“Neteyam...” you breathe, hoping he’ll rip his brother off you.

Neteyam does just that – pulling Lo’ak off you. His mouth makes a loud popping noise as he’s tugged off your chest.

“Behave, Lo’ak.” Neteyam growls, shooting him a look as you sit up.

Eventually, your eyes fall on the two raging erections before you. How the fuck are you going to take them inside of you?

“I need to be stretched...” you gulp, feeling nervous. “...you guys are too big for me.”

It seems like everyone in the room, including you, forgot that this is your first time with a real cock. Sure, you’ve finger fucked yourself before, using a toy here and there during your heat, but never something this massive. Seeing how out of control Lo’ak is, you look to Neteyam to do the job.

He grins, making his way back over to you. “I am going to make you cum. Don’t push me away, understood?” he warns you, kneeling before you, taking your hot clit into his wet mouth.

With no time to refuse you dip your head back as he sucks your clit, sliding two fingers into you, scissoring your pussy open. Your eyes roll back slightly, as you turn your head to look at Lo’ak, who’s stroking himself to the sight of your erotic expression. You let loose pants as you watch him pleasure himself while he watches you shudder under his brother’s touches. He’s staring deeply into your eyes, desperately trying to restrain himself from having his way with you.

Soon the pants turn into whines, as Neteyam rubs the spongey part of your heat, lapping up the juices that flow out of you. You can see Lo’ak practically begging you with his eyes –  he wants in on the action. You smile and shake your head, reminding him that it’s not his turn yet. Neteyam drives his third and final finger inside of your cunt, bending them towards him and thrusting them into you roughly – his way of telling you to keep your eyes on him.

“Look at me.” He mumbles into your clit, peering up at you.

You bite back a moan, staring down at the face between your legs that’s devouring your cunt greedily. His hot breaths blow against your lower stomach as he pushes his face into your pussy even harder. Lo’ak’s husky voice is heard directly next to your ear.

“Eyes on me, princess.” He whispers, running his fingers through your hair.

You glance at him quickly, afraid to look away from the dark golden eyes that peer up at you between your glossy thighs.

“You know I have 4 fingers, right?” he wiggles them, now licking the base of your ear. “I’d stretch you out, so much better.” He growls lowly, placing your dainty hand around his girthy cock.

It’s something about his throaty voice in your ear, talking to you in that way, that sends your hips into a frenzy. You grab a fist full of Neteyam’s braids with your free hand and thrust into his face until the heat pooling in your womb spills out of your cunt.

“Ngh. Fuck! Nete...” you moan loudly, closing your legs around Neteyam’s face as you shove his mouth harder against your cunt.

“Hurry up and cum, so I can have my way with you, sweet girl.” Lo’ak whispers in your ear, rolling your nipple between his fingers.

“Oh.. o- oh my... Eywa, ugh!” you blabber, crossing your legs, trapping his face into your cunt. “Neteyam! Cumming... cumming!” your walls pulsate feverishly around his fingers, gripping and releasing them the more he laps up your sweet nectar that’s flowing directly down his throat. He gulps loudly, drinking your cum willingly. You unwrap your legs, allowing him to breathe. He drops back into the dip of his feet, frantically gasping for air.

“Good girl.” Neteyam breathes, licking his lips clean.

“...such a good girl.” Lo’ak sighs into your ear, planting rough, wet kisses along your neck. “Now, let me stretch you out properly.”

Denying you the chance to come down from your high, he slides his hand from your breast, down your stomach, and cups your pulsing pussy. You jolt from the pressure of his palm against you.

“Ready for me?” he mumbles into your collarbone, asking for your permission.

“Mmnn... mhm.” You purr, feeling feverish and hot.

Lo’ak shoves all four of his fingers deep inside you, hooking them right against your sweet spot. You let loose a loud whimper from the hint of pain that comes from his fingers stretching you to inexplicable lengths. He fists you roughly, moving his arm up and down causing your body to jerk from his ruthless movements. He can feel the swell of your sweet spot, as it becomes hotter and hotter – ready to burst all over again.

“It’s my turn, right? Cum for me, now.” he mumbles, sucking on your shoulder, leaving behind bruise-like marks.

You feel Neteyam at your feet, planting wet kisses up your leg as he touches himself, listening intently to the filthy noises coming from your throat.

“Haah... ah... Ngh – f-fuck!” You cry out. Just like that, you were convulsing uncontrollably again, with the walls of your cunt throbbing excitedly around Lo’ak’s fingers. 

“That’s it... that’s right, cum on my fingers. Fuck.” He growls into your neck, bucking his hips into your hand.

At this point, Neteyam’s made his way up to your hips, nuzzling into them, breathing in your scent. He brushes his tongue against your skin, working his way up to your breast, where he takes your stiff nipple into his mouth and sucks rhythmically. He, too, is now bucking his hips, rubbing his aching cock against your thigh.

You’re so fucked out that you can’t even form a coherent thought, much less make a sound decision. You just want to be yanked onto all fours and plunged into, by any of them. Neteyam pops off your nipple, listening closely to your needy body language, he flips you onto your stomach, and yanks you towards him. Your legs tremble beneath you, trying to hold up your body weight as Neteyam quickly positions himself behind you.

“Tell me what you want... who, you want” Neteyam growls behind you, pressing his warm, rock-hard cock against your slit.

“Ugh, fuck. F-fuck. I want you... to fuck me.” You stutter, backing yourself onto him.

He crouches over you, pushing his thumping cock even harder between your plump pussy lips. “Say my fucking name. Say who you want to fuck this pretty, little pussy.”

“Neteyam! Neteyam... please. Please fuck me already!” you beg and plead with him.

“That’s it. Spread your legs for me.” He demands, kicking your legs apart.

You open your trembling legs, unintentionally rubbing your slit against the length of his shaft.

“Fuck. Look at you, listening so well.” he praises you, wrapping your tail around his forearm as he positions the head of cock against your quivering hole.

Neteyam pushes his cock into you slowly, watching as every single inch of him disappears in your soft, tight, cunt. A high-pitched whimper escapes your throat as you fling your head back from the mixture of pleasure and pain. This is the first time his cock has gotten any real attention; the feeling is like pure bliss to him – making him slip even deeper into the thick of his territorial urges.

His throbbing erection is engulfed by your heat, gripping him tightly and refusing to let go. He can’t even find it within himself to allow you to adjust to his profound size. Drawn out whines make their way into the air as you feel his pelvis smack into you repeatedly, as he sets a pitiless rhythm. He dips his head forward, taking in the sight of you sucking in his entire length.

“You feel so good, gripping my cock like this, y/n.” he grunts, breaking the rhythm already. He pulls your hips all the day down onto him, holding them there for some time, allowing you to feel every thick vein and curve of his bulging cock inside you.

“Feel that?” he moves his free hand under you and caresses the bump protruding from your lower abdomen. “That’s me, right here.” He kisses your shoulder, brushing his fangs against it.

All you can do is make needy, filthy noises as he teases you. You just need him to fuck the sense back into you. “Please... please. Please Neteyam.” You hiccup, trying to rock your hips back and forth on his cock.

“So fucking needy.” He spits, pulling his cock all the way out, and slamming it back into you.

He’s giving you the pounding of your life, slipping deeper into the foggy haze, when Lo’ak moves around to the other side of the table. He’s now standing directly in front of your face. He grits his teeth, trying his best to keep his calm as he watches you get fucked by a cock that isn’t his. Noticing your pelvis pushing back against his brother’s insistent thrusts, he kneels in front of you, coming face to face with you.

He looks deeply into your watery, drunk, eyes. “Gonna cum again like the little slut you are? Hmm? From taking another man’s cock in front of me like this?” he growls, gritting his teeth. “Cum quickly. So I can fuck you silly and make you cum even harder.”

“Y-yes, Lo’ak!” you let out a sweet, little cry. Neteyam jerks your tail towards him, pulling it even more taut around his arm. “Ugh - fuck! Neteyam, Neteyam! I’m sorry!” you sob loudly, feeling yourself dissolve in pleasure.

You bury your face into your arms as your body pushes Neteyam’s out of you, cumming violently on his cock. Your cunt is pulsating feverishly while you try to hold back your moans. They come out as squeals, muffled by your arms. He rubs his cockhead against your clit, desperate to plunge right back inside of you and make you cum again.

“Oh Eywa. I love these little noises you are making for me.” Neteyam grins. “Make them louder.”

Hearing your strained whines, Neteyam does just that – he slams the entirety of his cock back inside of you, angling his pelvis to fuck right into the swollen, spongey part of your cunt. After a few deep, and hard thrusts, you cum again, throbbing around his cock.

“Yes, my sweet girl. Cum as many times as you need.” Neteyam encourages you, feeling your walls clench around him for second time.

Forcefully pushing him out of your cunt, your legs shake uncontrollably, giving out beneath you. Neteyam holds you up by your hips, releasing your tail from his grip, just relishing in the feeling of your pussy pulsing against his length.

“No fair. What about me?” Lo’ak huffs, jealous and unable to control himself anymore. He stands up and rests his heavy cock against your face that rests on your arm.

“You better fucking cum for me like that.” He bucks his hips against your face, sliding his wet cock against your cheek – anything for a bit of friction.

Neteyam wastes no time and stuffs his cock back inside of you, slamming his pelvic bone right into you. Your face reddens from the immense pressure you feel as your muscles tighten, cumming for a third time – just from his singular thrust.

“Neteyammm. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” You moan lengthily, pulsing around his cock yet again.

“I love hearing my name come out this pretty mouth of yours while you cum all over this mighty warrior’s cock.” Neteyam moans, praising you by tapping your thigh.  

“Well, I don’t. This filthy mouth of yours needs to be stuffed.” Lo’ak growls, shoving his cock inside of your mouth.

The corners of your mouth sting due to the sheer size of his girth. Your lips stretch to their limit just to accommodate his thickness, which is now muffling your moans. You grunt helplessly into Lo’ak’s raging cock, brushing against it with your teeth as Neteyam fucks into you. He grabs a fistful of your hair and moves your head to a better position.

“Easy with the teeth, pretty girl.” Tears are streaming down your face as Lo’ak’s cock hits the back of your throat, causing you to gag. He’s fucking your face, as if it were your needly little cunt, jolting your body against Neteyam with each shove. Each time Neteyam thrusts into you, it drives Lo’ak’s cock further down your throat, making you gag around his girth even more.

“Mmm - fuck. I’m gonna fucking cum in your throat if you keep gagging on me like that. Open wider.” Lo’ak pulls out of you momentarily, patting your cheek and moving your hair out of your face. You gasp for air, taking a deep, sharp breath through your gaping mouth before Lo’ak fills your throat again.

“Yes, just like that. See? Not so hard to listen to me.” Lo’ak moans, fucking into the back of your throat.

Saliva runs down your neck as you struggle to take his cock, choking at every thrust. The two brothers shift their focus to each other, looking at what the other has and wanting it for themselves. Neteyam wanted to shove his entire length down your throat, and Lo’ak wanted to fuck you into comatose. They communicate with their eyes, and nod slightly, and both pull out of you at the same time.

You gasp for air, wheezing loudly. Strings of saliva hang down your mouth, while tears stream down your flushed cheeks. You’ve never felt so empty in your life. They flip you onto your back and each grab an arm and leg and pull you towards themselves – completely spinning you around. Lo’ak is now pressing against your cunt and Neteyam is brushing against your cheek.

“Guys... Please!” You sob, looking through blurred vision to see the two bothers hovering over you, positioning themselves to fuck both your holes numb.

Neteyam yanks you towards him by the shoulders, causing your head to hang freely off the edge of the table. All you can see in your direct line of sight is Neteyam’s monstrous cock, looming over your face – his tip poking into your breastbone. At the base you see his growing knot, purple and veiny – begging to be buried inside you.

“Oh, fuck no.” you mumble as he rubs his slippery cock between your breasts, smothering your face with his knot and balls.

Lo’ak lifts your leg over his shoulder, lining up his stiff cock with your used hole. He rubs his mushroom-like tip against your abused hole, before plunging his entire length into you in one, quick, hard thrust.

“Ah! Wait, Lo’ak... ‘ts too fucking big! Take it out!” you scream, as your cunt stretches to accommodate his extreme thickness.

The bend in his cock makes it so that his swollen cockhead is driving directly into your sweet spot. Your screams quiet down into muffled sobs – everything is so raw and tender that you feel like you’re burning up. Your hands frantically search for something to hold. Lo’ak grabs your hand, and intertwines his fingers with yours, squeezing your hand tightly.

“Shh... you’re alright.” He reassures you, looking down at your cunt swallowing his cock avidly, using his free thumb to rub circles into your throbbing clit. He waits for you to adjust to his girth before moving his hips.

Neteyam holds your other hand, bringing it to his thigh for you to squeeze. “Relax, baby. Take a deep breath for me.” You breathe in deeply, filling your lungs with cool air. “Good girl, keep these pretty lips open for me.”

Neteyam slides his cock slowly into your mouth, watching it vanish down your throat – inch by inch. You squeeze his thigh as your feel his cockhead burrow its way past the back of your throat. Lo’ak starts moving his hips erratically – feeling the ecstasy that your now-pulsing cunt brings to his chest. He fucks directly into your sweet spot, hard. The sheer force of his thrusts make the table beneath you rock back and forth, shoving Neteyam’s length down your throat even more.

They were both on the verge of cumming from denying themselves the pleasure this entire time. You can tell from their insistent, merciless movements, ramming their cocks in and out of you for survival. All you can hear are the squelching noises coming from your sopping pussy, their low, guttural grunts and groans, and the sound of skin slapping against skin.  

“Come on.” He grits his teeth, rutting into you. “Cum *slam* for *slam* me *slam*.” Lo’ak demands of you, wanting to make you cum before he does. It’s like your body listens to his commands, spasming your muscles as you try to push his cock out of you.

“Yeah? Right here?” he pounds directly into the swelling, spongey part of your heat. “Don’t push me out. Cum for me like a good little slut.”

You let out choked mewls, thrashing your head from side to side as Neteyam grinds into the back of your throat. You slap his thigh repeatedly while throaty whimpers vibrate around his cock. Neteyam pulls out of your mouth to let you breathe.

Taking a huge breath, you lift your head up, watching his cock pop out of you. “Ugh Lo’ak! Cumming, cumming!” you rasp, as your entire body shakes, squirting your essence all over Lo’ak.

Lo’ak looks down at the mess you made on him, with wide eyes, surprised that you could do that. “That’s what I’m fucking talking about, y/n.” he pats your trembling thigh, still bucking his hips against your slippery clit.

He sees the daze in your eyes, and takes your other leg over his shoulder, and squeezes them together – now fucking the softness of your thighs.  

You hear a loud growl behind you and feel a pair of hands grip your face, pulling it back over the edge of the table. “Why didn’t you squirt for me like that? Hmm?” Neteyam growls, eyes green from jealousy.

“I... I-I didn’t know I c-could –” You stutter, being cut off by him ramming his entire cock back down your throat.

He flings his head back, relishing in the warmth of your mouth. He snaps his back down, to see a bulge in your throat.

“Shit. Another one?” he rests his hand on the bulge jutting out of your neck, caressing it ever so slightly. “Such a good girl, taking me so well.” he praises you by driving his cock into you as hard as he can.

“Look at me down your throat, my love. Your filthy little mouth was made to take my cock.” You start to gag as he bottoms out in your mouth. His eyes squeeze shut, and he clenches his jaw, trying his hardest not to cum.

“Oh, fuck. Brother, you were being serious about her gagging like this.” His knot pushes against the entrance of your mouth. He grips a fist full of your hair at the back of your head and holds your face down on it as you gag repeatedly.

“Shh... shh... take it baby. Ugh – Ngh. You can take it - you’re okay. You’re okay.” He comforts you, allowing his hand to slide from your throat bulge down to your breast.

He pulls out suddenly, allowing you to breathe. You make loud, choked gasps, desperately trying to fill your lungs. “Netey –” you choke out, cut off by his cock plunging back inside of your mouth, holding you firmly against the beginning of his knot by the back of your head. You gag repeatedly, seeing stars in your vision.

���Yes, just like that. F-fuck!” he lets loose a guttural groan.

Suddenly, you feel his cock throb and pulsate in your throat. You let go of Lo’ak’s hand and grab your neck, feeling the bulge jump as he empties his seed directly into your stomach.

“Swallow... swallow it, baby.” He hums, rocking into you as he supports the back of your head with his hand.

Lo’ak is pounding in between your thighs, chasing his climax, too. His head is dipped back form utter bliss, sliding his slippery cock between your swollen, plump pussy lips. He’s holding onto your legs that are now wrapped tightly around his neck, as he gives you two, long, hard thrusts, covering your entire torso in his hot, sticky seed.

“Oh – oh shit. Shit. Shit. Yes, y/n.” he moans loudly, rocking into you as his throbbing cock paints your stomach and chest.

Neteyam steps back, pulling roughly out of you. You gulp down his salty cum, feeling it fill up your stomach. You can practically hear his huge load slosh around in your tummy as Lo’ak is still bucking his hips into you as he calms down from his high.

You vision fades to black, and the boys’ voices turn into echoes. You focus on breathing between your violent coughs – trying you best to stay awake. Your efforts prove to be futile as you drift in and out of consciousness. They quickly realise that they may have taken things too far with you, looking down at your condition.

“y/n? y/n?” Neteyam kneels down next to your face, tapping your cheek gently, trying to wake you up.

Lo’ak crouches over you, trying to look into your eyes. “Shit. Y/n?” he shakes your limp legs on his shoulders.

“Nete – neteyam. Lo – lo’ak...” you blabber softly, not knowing what you’re saying.

“Yes, y/n?” Lo’ak lowers your limp legs down, rushing to your side.

“I’m right here, y/n. What is it?” Neteyam supports your head on his shoulder, brushing his cheek against yours.

All that comes out your mouth are soft whimpers and mewls, shaking your head side to side as you try to fight the urge to sleep. It seems like this is the only way you’ll be able to make a choice – if you’re so fucked out that you don’t have any common sense left to stop you from overthinking.

“y/n?” they say in unison, both of their faces nestled next to your cheeks.

“Who do you want? Who are you calling for?” they both whisper in your ears.

“I – I want...”

“... ma’ ‘teyam.”

“... ma’ Lo’ak.”

“... b-both.”

Tags: @jakexneytiri @sweethoneycn @deadgirl02 @keijis-wifey @pandorxx @swiftielivvie @teyamfangirl @bl-lover-yaoii @sooebear @vanillawhales @bxnnywriting @athenachu @trashboat-the-raccoon @avaixe @itssiaaax @qweq-6802 @rodeosayu @girlpostingsposts @jakesullysbabygirl @rinloversworld @agelsully @zetey @boooogieman @jiafeimagic @eywascall @yawneneteyam @weirdomcu @pandxrastars @eichenhouseproperty @camgod78 @kibiscribbles @bedofpearls @kurtsworld096 @audrinawf @otukirey @deexdeez @c78r

[satureja13]

Jeb had been ingame for a few hours (real time, ingame time almost a whole day) and Saiwa didn't allow anyone to watch his investigations on the monitior to not interrupt. So everyone had been busy doing their work. After Jeb returned, he'd still been so upset, they delayed the meeting and went up to Jack and Kiyoshi's shop. They made pizza.

Their chatter and laughing distracted Jeb from the madness that has happened ingame and he soon laughed with them (especially when Jack told them the story how he fell into the tub full of nectar and Kiyoshi, in autopilot mode, didn't even react ^^' Kiyoshi didn't even react now on that story. Still on auto pilot. They'd had a quiet day together, Jack and Kiyoshi. After a while, Jack just started talking to him, as Jeb had suggested. Nothing important or upsetting about their past. Just funny stories and stuff about their shop and their work. Even though Kiyoshi never responded or showed signs he even understood what Jack was saying, it was a good experience for Jack to get more comfortable around Kiyoshi. And who knows, maybe Jack's words did find his way to Kiyoshi, anyhow. Jack was even able to keep it up during dinner. And Jeb calmed down eventually.

They changed into their detective attire and went down to the PD to let Jeb tell them about his investigations. Changing the clothes helped Jeb to change into a different role and put a lilltle distance between him and the happenings. He knows it's just a game but it was deeply touching him seeing dead Jack ingame. It reminded him of Jack in his coma and of the message future Jeb and Jack had sent them. That some of them might die should they drift apart.

The first thing they saw was the whiteboard Jack and Tiny Can had outfitted with the latest screenshots from the victim, the suspects and the crime scene. Jack made some effort to clearly point out who the main culprit is. And Tiny Can had a hard time putting Lou's photo on the culprits side, Jack only allowed it because Lou looks so hot ^^' Saiwa: "Omg, Jack! Greg didn't kill you. He just made this innocent - and understandable - wish and the demon got it all wrong!" Jack: "I will only believe it if we find the real murderer - the one who ripped my heart out!" Saiwa sighed. He bets his brand new Flamingo Island Balcony that Jack would still believe Greg killed NPC Jack, no matter which cast iron evidence they provide to him...

Eventually Jack sat down and Jeb stepped forward. He's nervous about how Jack and the others would react to the latest happenings... But Saiwa reassured him and so he started to tell them anything he witnessed and learned while he investigated.

About - the footprints at the crime scene, - interviewing new culprit Lou (but Jack didn't let that count, he just interrupted and asked Jeb how Lou is doing without him...) - and that Greg obviously found Jack's corpse and revived him - in a creepy frankenstein manner...

After Jeb ended his report, Jack hugged him tight. Jack: "Thank you for reviving me! You're a true friend! Now I can finally go back ingame and meet Lou again!"

Saiwa: "Let him breathe, Jack!" Jeb contradicted and told Jack that Greg did the majority to bring NPC back, but Jack does not want to hear anything about that. He still hates Greg ^^' And he's quite sure that the footprints are from Greg, who carried him away from the crime scene to Saarburg - and not from Lou.

After a short break to take everything in, they sat down again to discuss their further actions.

First, Saiwa made very clear that Jack will not go back to Lou until their investigations came to an end and they have a clear documentation about what had happened. They still need prove that the Therapy Game will be ready for the open beta at some point. But with warnings and disclaimers - enter at your own risk... But it might be still of great help for any lost creature out there. Creatures like them are often used to violence - sadly.

So, what next?

They gathered some ideas: - ask NPC Jack what happened That might be tricky since he appeared a bit a lot 'absent', to say the least. But maybe his memories of the happenings will come back at some point. - go back to the crime scene and see if Jeb overlooked something. He was distracted by the pawprints (that probably belonged to Greg) and followed them as soon as he found them and didn't look further around. - find the Demon (and maybe NPC Jack's heart) If the demon really 'changed' Jack's heart, he must know where it is and with whom's heart he changed it. Ji Ho agreed to help finding the demon, but Vlad was utterly against sending Ji Ho back ingame unless the murderer is found. He didn't believe in the 'crossroads misunderstanding'

Jack: "Hey, I could go ingame together with Jeb and see if I can help NPC Jack get back his memories. Then we know what happened and I can go back to Lou!" Saiwa: "And witness first hand someone ripping your heart out? No!" Omg, Jack! ö.ö

'The scenes that I spit out I don’t know how much influence it’ll have here Can’t even understand A single word I’m saying They’ll try to chase me but then give up Those who ran away will probably become rotten water' (translated from korean/not by me)

Living in the City - Pullik OST from the K drama 'Lawless Lawyer' I love this song <3 Still so good after all those years. Plus the male lead, Lee Joon Gi, is one of the most beautiful and stunning and talented men I've ever seen ö.ö

Outtakes

Barfolomew showed up out of the blue and Jeb was not happy about it ^^'

The Therapy Game Master Post with the sessions and places so far is -> here

From the Beginning  ~  Underwater Love ~  Latest

Current Chapter: 'Who killed Jack?' from the beginning ▶️ here

📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 17-22 ~ 23-28

[genshin-obsessed]

SFW Alphabet! | A-E

I know exactly what I said and what I didn't do. However, I've always seen sfw alphabets and I've never had the chance to do it before. SO! I took this chance! I do intend to complete the confessions, I just was more excited for this one first. Also, as I mentioned, my blog started with these large hc-type pieces which is why I love doing them! Besides, writing for more characters is easier this way! I do plan to do more and write of these, for other characters and the rest of the letters. I wanted to start out small first!

Characters: Alhaitham, Ayato, Cyno, Gorou, Tighnari, Thoma Genre: Fluffy! (except the E) Note: For those who don't know what SAH is, it's stay-at-home. Like a stay-at-home mom/dad.

Alhaitham

A - Affection Alhaitham is a very closeted affectionate guy. He’s not a fan of PDA, so the only time you’d find yourself getting physical affection is when you’re both behind doors. Even then, it’s nothing crazy. He’ll give you hugs often, you forehead kisses, maybe pulling you against him every now and then. He does give you three daily kisses without fail. One in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one before bed. There are more in between if they can be, but he’s very punctual about your three daily kisses.

B - Best Friend He’s actually a great best friend. He works hard to keep you on track, he makes sure you’re drinking enough water, and eating proper meals on your busy days. He’s pretty responsible and even though he gets irritated if you don’t take care of yourself. However, if you’re good at taking care of yourself, then he’s just there to keep you on track. He’s also very supportive and good at advice. If you ever need help with something, he’s probably got a thing or two to tell you. It’s always usually open-ended, to allow you to make the decision without his words influencing you too much.

C - Cuddles As a boyfriend, he really likes cuddles actually. Feeling you be close to him, having your warmth against him, it’s wonderful. He finds himself seeking you out to just hold you for a little. After a stressful day, it’s exactly what he needs. Sometimes he doesn’t like to talk about his problems, and those are the days he just lays down in bed with you and holds you. He’ll close his eyes and slowly work through his thoughts, before eventually addressing them with you. You’re definitely always there to help him whenever he needs it. Overall, he’s a cuddler! Just not a super vocal one.

D - Domestic Alhaitham really likes the idea of settling down with you. Normally, he wouldn’t pay too much attention to such thoughts as he’s a busy man, but when he thinks about you, his mind goes all weird. Nowadays, he’s really been mulling over having just a normal life with you. What would that be like? Would he be the SAH or you? Definitely not him. It would get boring… no? Well… maybe not. Ah, he didn’t know. This was all so weird to think about.

E - Ending Straight up. He would sit you down and let you know this wasn’t working, he was done, and so were you two. Of course, he’d let you speak and say what you needed to, but if deep down he knew the relationship was over, he wouldn’t give you any sort of false hope. Similarly, if he believed there was no hope, he would most likely not be willing to go through any sort of couples therapy. In his mind, there was no point.

Ayato

A - Affection Ayato is quite affectionate both behind doors and in front of people. Of course, as the Yashiro commissioner, he does understand there is etiquette he needs to follow, so he’s not overly affectionate in public. But he doesn’t mind the occasional hug, but anything further is for behind doors. He likes to touch you, whether it be hugging, kissing, holding your hand, or wrapping his arm around your shoulder- he likes it all.

B - Best Friend He would be a very… annoying friend at times. Ayato isn’t the one to point out that you’ve made a mistake, he tries to remind you through hints. Like, “oh you forgot something” but he won’t tell you what and you’ll just have to figure it out, and if you don’t… he still won’t tell you. Though he likes to tease, he is very caring. He’s still asking about your day, asking about any projects you’re busy with, or any stressful events coming up. He’s also willing to help you with anything that you can’t handle on your own. Honestly, he’d be like your shield in those moments.

C - Cuddles He is definitely a cuddler. Every single night, he’ll hold you as you two chat for an hour or so before bedtime. Even then, throughout the night, he’ll keep pulling you into his arms. Some nights, it can get a bit bothersome, especially if it’s in the warmer season, but you have a hard time disliking it when it’s the man you love. He is very aware though, there are days you don’t want to be cuddled and he won’t throw fits or anything. He’ll just accept it and make sure you’re ok.

D - Domestic The Yashiro Commissioner settling down? He likes the idea. Less work, more time for you, more time for him. Win, win in his mind. Besides, he wants to have more time for you. He’s sometimes too busy in his days to give you the attention that you need. You don’t complain about it, but he can understand. He misses you too, after all and he would like to spend more time with you, so he could only imagine how you feel.

E - Ending Ayato would be distraught. On one hand, he doesn’t want to break your heart or anything, but he also can’t stay. He knows better, trying to love someone when it’s not real would just end horribly. So, his last resort would be to just sit you down and tell you the truth. Besides… what kind of man would he be if he strung you along to “spare your feelings''. That’s never worked out for anyone. Ever.

Cyno

A - Affection Cyno’s not a very affectionate person in the beginning of the relationship. Mainly because he’s a little shy and he just doesn’t know how to be affectionate. However, as time goes on, he slowly learns and it’s not just that. He doesn’t know how much affection you like. Everyone’s different and it takes him a few months to learn all your preferences. So over time, his affection does indeed grow.

B - Best Friend Any friendship with Cyno could be started by laughing at his jokes, making one to him, or simply enjoying his jokes. We all know Cyno loves to tell jokes, but it makes him really happy when people actually enjoy it. The reason he even started to tell jokes was to ease the atmosphere. Whether you enjoy it or not… he knows it’s good at lightening the mood. So the day that you laugh at his jokes is the first day of your friendship. He’s a great friend too, he’s always looking out for you, he’s always paying attention to your needs, and there’s never a shortage of jokes or puns he likes to make!

C - Cuddles He’s not a big cuddler at first. Cyno’s a pretty reserved guy, so there’s a lot that he doesn’t do or even knows how it feels. Cuddling is one of those things. The first time you asked him to cuddle was very awkward. He didn’t know what to do with his arms, he was really stiff, and he couldn’t relax. Of course, over time, he got a bit more comfortable. Although he’s still not a big cuddler, he has no problems every now and then. However, after an hour or so, he starts to become uncomfortable, so keep that in mind.

D - Domestic Cyno’s not one to settle down. He’s always been a busybody and he likes to stay that way. However, there are days he wonders about settling with you. A nice home, maybe a family if you’d like one, just enjoying each other’s company, spending the nights together while working an easy job during the day. He does like the idea. But… for some reason, it doesn’t feel right for him. Of course, you’re welcome to try and change his mind, of course.

E - Ending If he had to break up with you… he’d probably just sit you down and do it. There’s not point in beating around the bush when it’ll just end up hurting you in the end. Of course, with something like this, you’ll be hurt regardless, but he hopes that at the end- years from now even- you may appreciate his straightforwardness and honesty. Of course, if there’s a chance, he’s willing to work on it with you. Go to couples therapy or something- he doesn’t know. But if he’s sure there’s nothing that can be done, that’s how he would do it.

Gorou

A - Affection Gorou wants to be affectionate with you, but he always gets so nervous and shy! The thing is, he doesn’t want to disappoint. This type of thing is new for him, so he’s very hesitant. But sometimes, he wonders if that hesitancy makes him look bad? He’s a general! How could he not be confident all the time? Well… that’s what gets to him. You’ll often find him being very affectionate one day and then somewhat reserved the next day. It took a while, but he finally caved and explained what was happening. Once you worked it out, he stuck to being more affectionate. He liked it more anyway.

B - Best Friend He’s the dad friend, honestly. He doesn’t mean to be but the way he’s concerned all the time, the way he checks up on you, the way he talks you out of bad decisions, gives you great advice, and whatnot. Honestly, though, he’d be a great best friend. He’d be the type of best friend you want. He’s much more aware if he becomes overbearing but he can’t help but be concerned for you!

C - Cuddles HE LOVES THEM! General Gorou is a sucker for cuddles. Especially if you reach up and rub his ears or something. Please, he’s melting already. Cuddles are more necessary on those rough, stressful days. Sometimes he can’t even think and just doesn’t want to talk. You know those days well. His ears are flatter, his tail is stiffer, and he barely makes eye contact, and he’s quiet. You know those days are bad for him. So you’ll pull him into the room- sometimes he’s willing, sometimes he’s not- and you help him lay down. Giving him some hot tea, maybe a snack, you lay down with him and just hold him. It’s not long before his stresses melt away and he explains what had happened to him.

D - Domestic Yeah, for sure! Gorou loves the idea of living with you forever. After the war, he’s gotta do something right? Working a simple job, and settling down sound too bad. Especially if you’re willing to understand that he may need to go back in the event something happens. If it’s your dream too, then it’ll definitely happen. Though, he has to be honest. If you weren’t one to settle down, it might be a bit sad- because he’s a bit tired, and retirement… doesn’t sound so bad some days. 

E - Ending Oh, he has no clue. He knows if he breaks up with you, it’ll break your heart. But he also knows he can’t be with you. Honestly, what would end up happening is that he’d get lost in his thoughts. Unsure of what to do, he’d intentionally become distant and it would get to the point where even you’re questioning the relationship. Then, one day you bring up the idea that you two aren’t close, and he agrees, you explain that the relationship isn’t what it used to be, he agrees, and you ask about breaking up… he agrees.

Tighnari

A - Affection His affection comes in strange ways. He’s not one to hold you and kiss you all over, his affection comes from his concern about you. He’s checking up on you, he’s asking if you need help, he’s always there to help, he never denies you advice, and he’s always at your side. He’s not as touchy as you think, not that he’s completely touch-avoidant. But his affection shows through his actions in other ways.

B - Best Friend He would be a great friend. Just like any good friend, he’s always there for you to help you out of a tough spot. However, he’s not your dad. He’s not going to hold your hand through everything, he’ll let you struggle a little so you can figure it out on your own. He’ll also hold you responsible. If something is your fault, you need to own up. If something wasn’t your fault, you need to fight back. As your best friend, that’s what he would help with. Doesn’t mean he’s always the ideal friend, but he’s a good friend regardless.

C - Cuddles He’s ok with cuddling. He likes holding you and he doesn’t mind the occasional session, but he’s not crazy about them. Though he does have to be honest, you scratching his ears while he lays his head on your chest is like the best thing in the world. Whether you’re on his chest or him on yours, he always finds the cuddle sessions relaxing and stress relieving. 

D - Domestic Eh.. maybe? He hasn’t given it much thought, but to be honest, it doesn’t sound like him. Yeah, maybe on a day, but for the most part, he likes what he does. He wants to do it for a very long time and he has quite a bit of influence himself. So giving it all up to just live at home… doesn’t sound the best to him. 

E - Ending Maybe a little too abruptly, actually. If he’s realized there’s no point in the relationship, he most likely won’t keep up with it. He’ll come to terms and then he’ll let you know. Of course, if he feels there’s still something worth fighting for, then he’ll try and stay. But if he knows that he can’t, he just won’t. There’s no need to try on something that he knows will eventually fail.

Thoma

A - Affection He’s very affectionate, actually. He loves giving you hugs, head pats, forehead kisses, regular kisses, holding your hand, and wrapping his arm around your shoulder. Of course, this does come with requirements, such as being behind closed doors and whatnot. Some of the more public displays are hugging you, wrapping an arm around you, and holding your hand. Further than that, it’s inappropriate in public.

B - Best Friend Thoma is the bestest of best friends. He’s kind, considerate, caring, supportive, and protective. He’s always there for you when you need him, he’ll never hesitate to defend you, and he’s always there for a shoulder to cry on, and to help take care of you when you can’t. He’s very considerate and he’s always thinking about you and what would make you happy. Of course, you do your best to return the favor in any way you can!

C - Cuddles Thoma loves cuddles! They’re so relaxing, they help with bonding, and there’s tons of stuff you two can talk about when cuddling. He also just loves the idea of laying in bed, enjoying time with one another, and whatnot. He does tend to require more cuddles on stressful days, but he makes it a habit to have at least one cuddle session every day and not just at night. He believes it's important for couples to have physical touch to stay close. No need for anything intimate, just the warmth and love of one another.

D - Domestic He loves the idea of settling down with you. Having your own home, living with you, not worrying about anyone but you. It makes him happy! The idea of being at home and taking care of you, making you meals, asking you about your day, taking care of the house- it’s just his thing!

E - Ending Oh boy. Honestly, Thoma would be a bit more emotional with this. Ending something with you, regardless of how he feels, would be heartbreaking. Even if he doesn’t think a relationship could work out, it hurts him just as much to end it. He does try to be straightforward, he doesn’t want to get your hopes up for something he truly believes won’t work out. Doesn’t mean it won’t hurt, you or him.

[nik-barinova]

Doe and Her Health (TW: Talk of Weight, EDs, Masking, Mental Health Problems)

—————

Physical Health

Doe overall maintains a relatively good health. However, she does have past health problems and current health conditions that do affect her mentally just as much as it does physically. For one, Doe devloped a higher metabolism rate, which makes it hard for her to gain weight, much less maintain a healthy weight range. Not to mention when her father further pushed her for her training, he made snide remarks about her body and weight (mind you she was a child still during this time), and given she grew up during the 90s-2000s, the whole push to be “skinny” was insanely high and detrimental for a child/teenage girl like her.

She would eat less food for a long period of time, until it became she ate nothing.

Doe would repeatedly collapse during training, even keel over from starvation to the point of tears. A part of her knew what she was doing was wrong, but the other part of her wanted her father to be proud of her no matter how many times he raised the bar for her. It had gotten so bad that Doe, before her father was finally arrested, weighed nearly 98 pounds at 5’10”. She even had to be forced medication and therapy in order to regain control of her weight and health. Initially, Doe was refusing the medication due to the trauma by her father and the people training her, but the therapy during her secondary school days eventually got her to take it and regain weight to a relatively healthy weight, albeit still somewhat underweight (but not dangerously so).

Now, at 32, she weighs a good 125 lbs, and is doing a lot better with her weight maintenance and taking her medications.

However, she does sometimes forget to eat and gets too close to relapsing with her ED. Thankfully, Ghost is there to notice this and when he calculated the calories from her day, he makes her a huge breakfast or dinner and even tells her he would lace her food with her medicine just so that she knows he cares so much about her, even goes as far as eating with her.

Mental Health

Now it’s pretty obvious that Doe has been through a lot throughout her life, and yes, therapy does work for her. Though that doesn’t exactly mean she isn’t safe from triggers of all kinds, whether that be PTSD or ADHD.

Doe for the longest time had been under serious scrutiny from her father, causing her to struggle horribly with stress, anxiety, and even depression, though she was never allowed to show weakness around him. She had to see things no child should even have to see, and that alone caused unnecessary distress on the girl to the point she eventually became desensitized by violence and horrors.

Doe habitually bottles up her problems and internal emotions, forcing herself to mask in order to fit in and keep up appearances. But she so longs to be open about herself and her emotions, she doesn’t want to deter people away from her.

ADHD makes things even harder on her as she even tends to be hard on herself when things go wrong in a mission, causing her to silently have a panic attack the moment she can get alone time. If or when someone walks in on her having one of her episodes, she quickly pulls herself together and tells them she’s fine (she isn’t).

After her father’s attempt on her life, his own, and her siblings, her uncle took the triplets in and he had them undergo some serious therapy sessions as teenagers, especially Doe. He felt awful that he couldn’t be there for his niblings, but it also would have gotten him killed if he ever got near the compound where they were living against their will.

Now an adult well into her 30s, Doe strives to live a better life even if she does have a more “childish” take on it. Sometimes she can be quite loud and cheery, boisterous and playful, but remember, that’s the side she never got to express growing up.

But even that side, added on to masking, can wear her down all over. She might not realize in the moment she has gone too far with her emotions and expressiveness, but when called out on it, she’ll start off as defensive, but soon enough, she’ll apologize; even if it makes her feel like shit she did that without knowing it.

[blackbloodteeth]

After their partnership starts to deepen into something more, Soul only fears his curse spreading to Maka and decides to cut himself off, never to be seen again.

But when they happen to meet years later by pure chance – because the world always has other plans – will he allow himself to selfishly reconnect, or will he let the one thing he's loved most slip through his fingers for good?

Post-canon-centric AU. Medusa may have failed to resurrect Asura, and Soul was never "cured" of his Black Blood. Therefore he never grew past his core insecurities as time passed, and eventually he drops out of DWMA and returns home (may be 18 by this point).

The first year was the worst. The second year he became numb, and by the third year he openly received help and decided to actually take care of himself. May not have gone to therapy as he is reluctant to actually talk about the Black Blood to anyone, but he goes to some form of counselling, and gets into yoga and meditation. In the earlier years of his time home he suffered from nightmares the most, and took THC/CBD to help with his insomnia. Little Oni would often talk to him when he was alone, as deep down Soul craved the same level of socialization he had back in Nevada even if he wanted to shut Oni out, but after a while the Black Room door stayed mostly closed as Soul never budged on not being persuaded to make any deals.

Soul couldn't get back into playing piano due to the stress of still being haunted by his curse. Since his parents wanted him to go to college, he still ends up majoring for something music adjacent (like being a sound engineer, which was largely his brother's idea), and after enough time he forms casual friendships with other classmates, just being Soul Evans again.

The story itself starts a little bit before Maka shows up. This gives some time to show his everyday routine and how he believes he's over it now, up until he happens to meet her again when she is for some reason in town (could be for something as simple as a rescheduled flight that leaves her stranded for a couple days). Even just seeing her he realizes that he is in fact not over it, and it's described as feeling like someone "personally started to rip the stitches across his chest wide open" and that his heart "is like a broken record, skipping repeatedly and unable to break away from the needle."

Her catching up with him is unavoidable, and the two spend time dancing around each other as Soul struggles internally with wanting to reconnect with her, as the premise states. This eventually leads to a climatic scene where Maka assumes he really does want nothing to do with her anymore, and when it's time for her to leave she tells him goodbye while in an elevator. Soul initially turns to leave but after it all hits him at once that he doesn't want things to end this way, he tries to tell her this as the elevator door closes, bringing him to run through the stairs to catch up to her and spill out an apology for his mistakes, and how much he's actually missed her. She barrels in to hug him because she hasn't ever really recovered from it either, and the two decide to spend some more time to actually get to know each other again. During this end part of the scene, the two start to feel each other's soul wavelengths again.

At this point the hurt is raw and fresh all over again, and Maka telling him how she's been without him is like having salt rubbed in the wound, however now it can be allowed to heal. This is when they're at their most tender and exposed, and it's not quite starting from scratch, but letting things grow again even if not exactly the same as before.

Soul actually lets her wield him again. It's not quite the same connection they had before and he has a little more weight to his scythe form, but he's surprised that in the same vein turning into a scythe doesn't feel that different even though he hasn't done it in years. Their wavelengths still aren't fully connecting as Soul is still reliving his fears relating to his curse, however he starts to want to not be so afraid of himself anymore. This is where he regains his trust in both himself, and her, and that the Black Blood doesn't have as much control over him as it had once convinced him. Maka can finally start to forgive herself for the blame she put on herself for him leaving, and work past everything she's buried too.

Ending might be a little more open-ended on whether he decides to pursue finishing becoming a death scythe, however there's a sense of hope as the two have gotten back together again, and their feelings for each other are finally regrowing from the ashes. Maybe they do a smooch, I dunno.

Story POV is mainly Soul's, as he can't truly know what Maka is thinking (especially about him), leaning into his uncertainty and self-projection that he assumes she will never forgive him. Maka's POV is added after they hug it out, filling in the gaps of how she actually has been feeling over the past couple days and showing that they are reconnecting. Soul's nightmares are a reoccurrence throughout the story, which shifts to his rekindled fears of losing Maka as she re-enters his life. By the end, while he isn't fully cured of Black Blood and his nightmares, they're not as bad as they were previously.

[gerardway-is-my-babygirl]

Hi here is a renfield ask do you think once he got free he found himself overwhelmed by just not having to be at anyone's beck and call and how did he fill the quiet hours where no one was demanding all of his physical and mental capacities

Ohhh this Is such an Interesting question!!!

Absolutely, his only purpose for the past 90 years has been to serve someone else, so that's definitely going to result In him trying to recreate that attachment to Dracula with someone different. When DRAAG had suggested he try to focus on his own needs he was still trying to please them and make them happy, he did It for himself too of course but It was mainly from them shoving him In the right direction. He's unable to do things for himself unless people encourage him to, so he definitely struggles with reminding himself to eat/drink/shower post-Dracula and gets quite overwhelmed by how many needs he has and how dull his life Is without having to go hunting every night.

For the first few weeks I Imagine he tries to Ignore Dracula's entire existence (It doesn't work very well) and he distracts himself with the hobbies he's been wanting to do for the past century: knitting, crocheting, baking, etc. Everything he does unfortunately reminds him of Dracula though, and the support group and Rebecca keep telling him to stop burying his emotions which doesn't help him to stay In the denial phase, so eventually he snaps.

I Imagine that his grieving process can go one of two ways:

There's a good route, where he falls apart a lot at the beginning but In the end he learns to accept Dracula's death and allow others to help him.

And then there's a bad route, where he doesn't get past the bargaining phase and ends up bringing Dracula back and pushing everyone around him away.

In the good route he tries to recreate a codependent bond with Rebecca, trying to fulfill every need or want she has until she finally opens up his eyes and makes him realise that he can't let Dracula's shadow follow him forever. He still takes a long time to grieve and to process everything that happened to him, but he has Rebecca and the support group by his side. He still has bad days and Insomnia, but he's determined to get better. Some part of him wants to heal just to spite Dracula, but he also wants to be able to enjoy however many remaining years he has left on earth.

To answer your question of what he would do to fill the quiet hours without being given orders; he's very sensitive about dirt and grime post-Drac, so In the good route his OCD ends up coming back In full swing and he forces himself to clean every Inch of living space that he can reach, out of determination not to let another bug Into his life or to be as dirty as he was when with Dracula. He hoards cleaning sprays and cloths as a way to take back control of his life, accidentally exhausting himself most nights and passing out after entire days of scrubbing the floors and counter tops. This continues until Rebecca finally puts her foot down and drags him to therapy.

In the bad route Renfield ends up falling back Into the pit of self-loathing that Dracula had dug out for him. He knows he got out of It before, but being trapped In It a second time only worsens the affects of his hatred for himself, and this time he doesn't try to get out. Over the course of a few months he lets himself fall apart more and more, not getting out of bed, not answering texts, not answering the door, etc. And when Rebecca finally decides to break down the door, he's gone. Renfield returns to the Lobo mansion and collects Dracula's pieces from the sewers, bringing him back to the hospital to heal him up and to get what he thinks Is his happy ending. Their relationship Is worse this time around, but Renfield would rather have a lifetime of pain than a life without Dracula.

Thank you so much for the ask! I love exploring Renfield's life after Dracula and his feelings and decisions he makes!

[kkf]

I’ve woken up with Ava Max’s “Sweet But Psycho” chorus in my head the last few days. My subconscious is definitely not trying to tell me something.

To be specific, it was the chorus:

Oh, she's sweet but a psycho

A little bit psycho

At night, she's screamin'

"I'm-ma-ma-ma out my mind"

Not the most comforting lyrics to wake up to. While contemplating my current mental health, I considered how my therapist would ask me to deconstruct that particular thought.

Which, because of my recent Buffy rewatch brain, eventually led me to think about how badly Buffy needed a therapist. In 144 episodes, she had only three brushes with mental health professionals. I’m going to set aside 6.14 “Normal Again,” because that not only does that episode merit its own post, but I also don’t have enough chocolate on hand to grapple with the mind fuck that is that episode. I’m just looking at 3.04 “Beauty and the Beast” and 7.07 “Conversations with Dead People.”

In season 3, Buffy is recovering from the implosion of her relationship with Angel. As a Bangel fan, it hurts me to write this, but the relationship from the point where Angel loses his soul is a metaphor for an abusive relationship (dude tries to kill her, her friends, her classmates, end the world…not a healthy route to take a relationship).

So as the season starts Buffy is traumatized from losing Angel and Jenny, as well as being the one who had to sacrifice the person she loved to save the world. After her three month sabbatical to LA, our girl CLEARLY needed some professional help to sort through everything. And for once, Buffy gets some of this help in the form of Mr. Platt, the school guidance counselor.

Buffy’s conversation with Platt is impressive when one considers how much ground he covers in such a short amount of time.

Of course, in true Buffyverse fashion, this help from a qualified professional only lasts about the 15 minutes it takes for him to become a victim of our latest monster of the week, a Jekyll-Hyde classmate whose own abusive relationship is meant to serve as a foil for that of Buffy and Angel. Buffy never gets professional help again. Until Holden, Buffy’s former classmate-turned therapist-turned newly risen vampire.

(Confession: I have a soft spot for Holden, because the actor who plays him was also in one of my favorite episodes of Firefly.)

Now Holden’s therapy session is an interesting blend of analysis and fisticuffs, as he IS a newly turned vampire and is, thus, evil. As he reminds us.

For this reason, Holden has a slightly more confrontational style when getting Buffy to open up. He challenges her, pushes her not to hold back. And as a result Buffy is open about her inferiority-superiority complex, which really, he says, is the root of the loneliness that Buffy feels. Being the Slayer makes her feel superior to her friends, however her performance as the Slayer makes her feel isolated and inferior. As Holden states, “it all adds up to you being alone.” But then goes on to argue that “everybody is until you die.”

Thinking about loneliness and isolation as recurring themes for Buffy, both of which are experiences trauma survivors tend to experience, I’m reminded about a recent YouTube short (which was originally a TikTok) that I saw which stated two pieces of food for thought. The first was that “the reason why we self sabotage is because it allows us to predict what is going to happen which gives us the illusion of control over our own pain” and the second was that “they’re not your type, they’re your pattern.”

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/fx12Lxxojvo

Buffy’s sabotaging patterns of behavior (choosing men who are centuries older than her for example, or men who she is in no danger of falling in love with) offer her the illusion of control over what kind of pain she is inviting into her life.

Additionally, Buffy’s patterns of behavior - the self isolation, the relationships she chooses, all of them work as ways of protecting herself. She chooses emotional isolation from her friends as a method of protecting herself from the possibility that they won’t understand the choices that she’s making or that they will call her out on repeating sabotaging patterns of behavior.

It’s not a coincidence that it’s someone outside her immediate social circle who calls her out on her pattern of choosing relationships where she doesn’t have to completely open up. As Holden is someone to whom she has weak social ties, Buffy is more likely to be receptive to new ideas coming from him than from someone within her close social circle.

Often, especially when starting therapy, the fact that the person you’re speaking with is someone who has no “horse in the race” enables a patient to be more open, not just to being completely honest with the therapist, but also to receiving feedback. With my own therapy experience, having a complete stranger validate that while my reactions to certain triggers were not disproportionate, they didn’t make me crazy. They didn’t make me broken.

I wish, looking back, that Buffy had more of an opportunity to interact with mental health professionals. The metaphor of the show is “growing up.” How much more interesting and helpful would it have been for young viewers to have seen that the patterns we can find ourselves in can be challenged. That we can change. That with a little help, we can stop feeling so “psycho.”

[notebooknonbinary]

All the Time in the World Chapter 4 is Out

The Party does their best to navigate their mental health and school

Warning for discussion of mental health, meds, panic attacks, etc.

Fic under the cut for my non-Ao3 friends:)

(if you do have an ao3 please come say hi💕💕)

Mike plays a round of musical chairs with the therapists they’ve got on hand. The first one is an older man that immediately makes him think of Brenner. It only takes ten minutes into the session before they both agree it’s not a good fit. Mike has to go hide in the bathroom with his head between his knees until he stops hyperventilating.

He puts off trying again until the following week.

The next doctor is a nice, smiley younger man. His eyes are very bright. Mike doesn’t know why he’s so uncomfortable with the guy, because he’s really kind. But he can’t bring himself to open up at all—he ends up snapping at him and walking out.

The doctor he finally settles on is a middle aged lady with red-brown hair and a face softened by age. Her name is Dr. Jackson. She reminds him, a little bit, of Joyce—kind but unwilling to take bullshit. Maybe that’s why Mike feels so safe with her.

He manages to get through that first getting-to-know-you session with only minor anxiety, which he’s going to count as a win. Now that it’s with a person he feels comfortable actually talking to, it’s a lot easier than he expected it to be. She offers him tidbits about her own life throughout the session—allowing it to feel less like a spotlight’s on him, more like they’re just having a conversation.

Afterwards, he meets up with Will to exchange notes on the encounter. It’s probably not what you’re supposed to—Mike thinks he’s maybe supposed to keep what happens in therapy to himself. But he doesn’t know for sure, and they don’t tell each other too much--so it’s probably fine.

Will tells him that his therapist doesn’t remind him of anyone, which is how Will prefers it.

“I’d rather make new memories with this new person,” he says softly.

Her name is Dr. Hewlett, but Will’s been told he can call her Janet.

Janet specializes in different kinds of trauma therapy, and she’s told Will that he might do well with art therapy.

Will’s obviously pleased that he’ll get to do what he normally does anyway—but later that week he shows up to Mike's house after his first art therapy looking drained. The area around his eyes is red and puffy. And he practically collapses into Mike’s arms the moment they’re hidden away in his room, curling around Mike like a limpet.

“Are you okay? Was it bad?”

Will sighs into Mike’s neck. “Not…bad, just a lot. I thought—I dunno—it’d be easier to be detached from what traumas I was drawing, but I couldn’t do it. The moment I tried, it stopped feeling like drawing and started feeling the way it felt to map out the Upside Down tunnels.”

A spark of fear must make its way through their connection, because Will rushes to elaborate. “This time they were genuinely just a flashback, promise.”

Still, the brief scare makes Mike wrap all his limbs around Will and press kisses to his face. “I’m so sorry you had to feel like that again,” he whispers. Will sniffles and hides his face in Mike’s hair. Mike feels himself tearing up, reacting to his boyfriend’s grief. But between the warm contact and the whispered words of comfort exchanged, they both eventually calm down.

And Will’s next art therapy the following week goes much better than the first. Will still shows up at Mike’s teary-eyed and tired, but this time he looks a lot less harried. And he’s exuding a sort-of calm into their mental link that makes Mike feel pleasantly sleepy. And this is helpful, because Mike’s been stressed out himself.

It’s slightly bad timing that they’ve started therapy the same time that they go back to school. If Mike didn’t have the happy newness of his relationship with Will, he thinks he’d probably spiral. Like he had at the beginning of freshman year.

As it is, he’s still pretty anxious about separating from his friends during school time. Thankfully (?) they’re in the same boat, so he doesn’t have to worry about seeming clingy to them. And also thankfully, at least one Party member is in each of his classes (Max, once she’s out of the hospital, will share three). They’re all grouped together for Study Hall, and have doctor's notes that prevent the teachers from separating them. (Mike is particularly happy about this, as, when they were younger, teachers knew to spread them out—usually because of him. He’s never been great about sitting still or keeping his mouth shut. The only teacher that hadn’t separated them was Mr. Clarke, who seemed to empathize with Mike. As well as having picked the Party as his favorites, obviously.)

Since Hawkins and the towns surrounding it are only now (in October) letting kids go back to school, they’re told that it will likely cut into at least a month of summer. Normally this would bother Mike, as he’s historically loved summer, but, weirdly, he’s missed school. He’s missed the normality of it. And, despite it just starting, Sophomore year is turning out to be infinitely better than Freshman year—it’s not a difficult standard to beat, what with there not being any murders (knock on wood) or anymore Upside Down bullshit. But, Mike thinks it’s so much better because Will is back where he belongs.

With Mike the Party.

(The Byers and El being back in general make daily life in Hawkins more bearable.)

It makes Mike more willing to try hard at school, and—at his mom’s gentle request—join a club. Or, maybe, rejoin a club. He’s still holding out hope that they’ll be able to restart Hellfire. Dustin’s gone to the front office to make their case. In the meantime, though, Mike’s trying to make a mental list of other clubs he’d be willing to try if Hellfire is a no-go, while he waits for the others to join him for lunch.

He knows Will will likely go for art club. But even though he loves his boyfriend, Mike has no drawing ability, so he likely won’t join him. He’s not sure if Lucas is returning to basketball (though based on how Lucas has been avoiding those guys, probably not), but even if Mike’s leg weren’t broken, he’s still got no real standout athletic prowess. So that’s out as well.

He’s beginning to get antsy, sitting at their table alone, by the time Dustin’s slouches into the seat beside him with a grumpy huff. Mike sighs, not the least bit surprised.

“No luck on getting Hellfire back, huh?”

Dustin groans. “Course not. ‘The wound is just too raw, Mr. Henderson. Try again next year.’ Fucking bullshit.” He grumbles and puts his head on the table. “The good news is, last time I talked to Steve, he offered up his house for Hellfire nights. Eddie and Mr. Munson are still there, so…”

“So at least we can still play, even if it’s not ‘school official’.”

“Yeah.”

They sit in silence for a moment.

“Hey, do you know why Steve’s parents are never home?”

Dustin shrugs. “It’s not really my place to talk about it, but safe to say—they make your dad look like Mrs. Byers in comparison.”

By that, Mike knows, Dustin is talking about how his dad is mostly hands off, except to berate his children. The man has a special talent for making everyone feel bad about themselves (except Dustin, who is immune). If Steve’s parents are worse than Ted Wheeler…Mike feels an abrupt surge of sympathy for Steve.

And, knowing if he were in Steve’s place, Mike wouldn’t want a non-friend discussing this, Mike changes the subject. “So we’ll talk to the other club members about what days after school are good for them.”

“We’ll have to work around their shit and all our—” Here Dustin pauses, clearly cognisant of the fact that they’re at school. “—important appointments.”

“It’s gonna be fucking annoying,” Mike grumbles, picking at his chicken sandwich (which had gone cold practically by the time he first sat down). “Owens didn’t even have the decency to make sure we all have them on the same days.”

Dustin snorts and rolls his eyes. “Whatever, we’ll find a way to work it out.”

“In the meantime, my mom is still ‘strongly encouraging’ me to join another club.”

“You too, huh?” Mike’s favorite voice says.

Will plops down beside Mike, El shortly behind her brother. “Mom wants us to be more social,” he tells them. “She doesn’t want what happened in Lenora to happen here.” He’s methodical in unpacking his lunchbox, like always, but Mike’s trying hard not to stare at his hands. There’s a bit of paint left on them from art class—it makes Mike want to lace their hands together, for some reason. He’s barely listening to the brewing half-argument going on.

El huffs at her brother. “It won’t. I have our friends here.” She crosses her arms. “And I could take care of people bullying our friends too.”

Will sighs. “El, you’re my sister, I love you, and—in retrospect—Angela getting clocked in the face with a skate was objectively hilarious and a tiny bit deserved, but you can’t hurt every awful person. Schools are always full of them.”

“I mean, if you wanna make a bully pee their pants again,” Dustin says, but cuts himself off at the look Will levels at him. “Nevermind, I am staying out of the sibling chat.”

“I won't hurt a bully unless they really deserve it,” El concedes, pouting. “If we have another Angela I will simply tell Max and she will ‘verbally—” She pauses to mentally sound out whatever she’s quoting (likely from Max herself). “—'eviscerate’ them.”

Dustin laughs. “I think that’s a fine compromise!”

El beams smugly. “Thank you Dustin.”

Will sighs and leans tiredly into Mike the tiniest bit.

Don’t you just love being the middle child? Mike mentally prods, a little gleefully. Will gives him a kick.

They go back to talking about clubs.

“Will and I are going to join the art club,” El tells them proudly. “I like making things out of clay.”

Will smiles at his sister. “You’ve gotten really good,” he praises. “I can’t wait to see what you make.”

“That’s really cool, El!” Dustin says brightly. “Maybe you could make DnD figurines. Like that kickass painting Will made for Mike!”

Mike chokes on his chocolate pudding. “Maybe not exactly like the painting,” he wheezes out, immediately flustered. Will laughs, patting his back. The warm, pleasant touch raises goosebumps, even through Mike’s shirt. He hopes Will can’t feel them.

“Whatever you decide to make,” Will tells his sister, easily steering the subject away from his painting. “It’ll turn out awesome—bitchin’.”

El beams. “Bitchin’,” she agrees.

“So that’s Will and El settled,” Mike says, once the chocolate pudding is free from his lungs. “I’m shit at art and there’s no AV club here, so I dunno what the rest of us are gonna do.”

You’re not shit at art, Will silently reprimands, gentle.

Tell that to my stick figures, Mike replies dryly.

Dustin’s got a contemplative expression on his face. “I mean, Robin says Mr. Hauser is always looking for people for the theater club.”

Mr. Hauser is their English 10 teacher, and, also according to Robin, the best teacher. He seems pretty okay so far, but Mike’s reserving judgment until he gets to know the man—it'll be hard to beat out Mr. Clarke.

Still, Mike considers Dustin’s suggestion. “I think I remember that you were in the middle school drama club, yeah? Was it fun?”

“I mean, I thought so, yeah.” Dustin sighs. “Even if too many people dropped out to ever do a full show. You wanna give theater a try?”

Mike chews on his lip. “If you will, I will.” He’s not totally certain if he’ll be comfortable performing anything—but if his anxiety wins out, he can do tech stuff.

“Hey,” Will interrupts suddenly, wringing his hands together. “Did Lucas never show up?”

Mike shakes his head. “I’ve been keeping an eye out for you guys since I got here. I haven’t seen him since last period.”

Will gets to his feet. “I’m going to look for him.” And he’s gone before Mike can offer to join.

-

Will finds Lucas sitting outside, watching some other teenagers play a game of pick up basketball. He’s folding and unfolding a creased piece of paper. He doesn’t move when Will sits down beside him. Will gives him the gentlest of nudges.

“What’s wrong, Lucas?”

Lucas sighs and slumps against Will. Will automatically puts an arm around Lucas’s shoulder, giving him what he hopes is a comforting squeeze. The contact makes Lucas’s breath hitch and he turns to hide his face against Will’s arm.

After a moment, he speaks.

“Coach asked me to come back to basketball,” Lucas mumbles against Will’s shoulder. “But I don’t…I don’t really feel safe around those guys anymore. Not after last year. It really sucks, too, because I genuinely like basketball and I’m good at it—it’s just one more thing this whole situation’s ruined.”

Will hugs him, feeling a little helpless. This last year, Will’s seen Lucas sad, legitimately depressed—but that was because of grief. He lost his friend Patrick, and he nearly lost Max. Grief and trauma, Will can relate to and empathize with. But he doesn’t know how to help with this.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers. He watches the pickup game for a moment, before his brain sparks with an idea. “What about—I’m probably not great at basketball, but I’d play a couple games with you…if you want, I mean,” he adds shyly. “And I’m sure Steve would love to! And I know I could convince Jonathan.”

Lucas lifts his head to give Will a fond look. “That’d be fun,” he says. He sighs and sits up, looking a little less down. Will takes that as his cue to stop hugging. Lucas sticks the flier he’s been fiddling with in his pocket.

“Unfortunately, Dustin says the DnD club has been banned for this year,” Will says, and begins to catch Lucas up to speed on the Party’s earlier conversation. “You can join me and El at art club, if you’d like—or Mike and Dustin were thinking about joining theater?”

“I’m not any good at art, Will.”

It frustrates Will, a little bit, that neither Lucas or Mike think they’re artistic. “As someone who has watched you create and change your DnD character over the years, that’s not true at all. Maybe you just haven’t found the right medium yet.”

Lucas shrugs noncommittally. “Maybe.”

Will sighs. “Or, I mean, I’ve heard you sing, Lucas. Theater club would be lucky to have you. I know Mike and Dustin would say so too.”

Then he pauses, thinking about the third idea he has—one he’s not even brought up to Mike yet. “The other thought I had was asking Mr. Clarke if he’d be willing to combine the middle school and high school AV club.”

“The high school doesn’t have an AV club, does it?”

“Well, no, but we could start one. And if Mr. Clarke agrees, then maybe we could talk to Erica—”

Lucas snorts. “Good luck convincing her to try something as outwardly nerdy as AV, Will. DnD is the exception to the rule, her words, not mine.”

Will shrugs. “Won’t hurt anything but my pride to ask.”

-

The others agree that it’s a good idea, though Mike clearly shares Lucas’s skepticism on how Erica will react.

“She’s gonna bully us about it,” he predicts, as the five of them make their way over to the middle school at the end of the day.

“Sure, but she won’t mean it,” Dustin shoots back. It’s a little bit funny and sweet, in Will's opinion, that he’d come back from California to find Erica and Dustin as fairly solid friends. She’s integrated herself into the Party nearly seamlessly, though she bickers with Lucas like usual. She’s a good addition, in Will’s opinion.

Mike and Dustin turn out to both be correct. Erica rolls her eyes and sighs (a little bit fondly, Will notes) when she finds them all sitting outside the middle school. “What are you nerds doing loitering around the middle school?” Then she narrows her eyes. “If this is anything like the last time a couple of you showed up—”

Dustin gives Erica a guilty grin. “Will had a cool idea that we wanted to run by you.”

She stares Will down, which he decides to take as an invitation.

“Since the school isn’t going to let us bring back Hellfire—”

Erica interrupts with a frustrated noise. “Of course not. This school is bullshit.”

“Right? Thank you,” Dustin agrees.

Will sighs. “Since Hellfire isn’t an option, I thought maybe we could do the other thing the Party used to do.”

Erica gives a long-suffering sigh. “And I suppose you’re here to recruit me to your nerd electronics club, huh?” When Lucas looks shocked, she smirks. “Yeah dingus, I pay attention.”

“Robin is a bad influence,” he grumbles.

Dustin snickers. “What d’ya say Erica? Wanna come with us while we ask Mr. Clarke about it?”

-

“What a pleasant surprise,” Mr. Clarke says genuinely, beaming at his former students. “I’m glad to see you all safe and sound. What brings you all around to my little corner of the school?”

The boys all immediately crowd around him, speaking over each other in an attempt to catch Mr. Clarke up. It’s nice. It feels a bit like being twelve again; not yet ruined by the Upside Down, just Will, and his friends, and their favorite teacher.

Still, Mr. Clarke was the original Party’s homeroom teacher, but Will’s heard from Dustin that Erica only has him for science. So it’s not a surprise that she’s not as close with him as the boys are. She and El are hanging slightly back from the impromptu reunion. But they’re grinning at the hubbub, so Will doesn’t feel too guilty about it.

Eventually the teacher holds up his hands in placation, laughing.

“Boys, boys,” he says. “I can’t understand you if you’re all talking at once.”

Will and Lucas, as the main masterminds, are elected to lay out the idea for him: the potential creation of a high school AV club and then the combination of it with the middle school one. The moment the idea crosses Lucas’s lips, Mr. Clarke’s face breaks into a beam.

“I think that’s a fantastic idea!”

“Will came up with it,” Lucas says proudly, and Will blushes as the teacher’s approving beam turns towards him.

Mr. Clarke is one of the few teachers that the Party comes close to trusting implicitly, so they’ve agreed to mention that their scheduling conflicts are from therapy. His eyes are sad but unsurprised; he doesn’t try to get them to try and talk about it thankfully. He just moves on, saying that he’ll have to talk to the students in the club before things move forward.

“As of right now, there are two AV club members,” Mr. Clarke explains. “They joined last year, before the…‘Earthquake’.”

The way Mr. Clarke says that, makes Will think that he maybe knows more of what went on the last year than the rest of the town. But, then, there’s a reason they’ve gone to him so many times with questions. He’s too smart.

Dustin is frowning jokingly. “Didn’t take long to replace us, I see,” he sighs.

“No one could ever replace you,” Mr. Clarke laughs fondly. “But they’re good, smart kids. I think you’ll like them. I’ll talk to them about it, as well as the principles. I’m sure they’ll agree that this is a good idea. In the meantime, see if there are any of your classmates that would be interested as well.”

He doesn’t seem to notice Erica’s quiet snort, or Lucas elbowing her.

“Will do!” Dustin chirps. “It was good to see you, Mr. Clarke.”

The Party go their separate ways: Dustin to go to Steve’s to inform them about Hellfire, Lucas and Erica to the clinic (Tuesdays are their therapy days), and Will, El, and Mike to wait for Jonathan to pick them up.

It’s as they’re waiting outside the high school, that Will hears a familiar voice.

“Will!”

The voice is one he heard over the phone more than a few times last year. Will smiles and allows the warm hug that is suddenly brought on him. “Hi Rosie.”

When she pulls back, Rosie is beaming at him. “It's so good to see you! I heard you stuck around after evacuation—I was worried.”

Will’s kept up some manner of contact with Rosie since they danced together at the Snowball. She, rather quickly, caught on that he didn’t want to date, and they became fairly decent friends. It was nice to have a friend that liked art almost as much as he did. And the summer after eighth grade, when his friends were off dating each other, or, in Dustin’s case, away at camp—sometimes Will would go over to Rosie’s house and draw with her. It was a calming activity and made him feel a lot less lonely. She even listened to him talk about his (ill fated) DnD campaign.

When he moved to Lenora, Rosie was one of the people who kept in regular contact with him. They’d talk on the phone every other Sunday afternoon, after she got home from church. Art was the only thing they really had in common, but Will was happy to listen to her ramble about researching laws, and in return she’d listen to him bemoaning the difficulty of working with paints.

Obviously, after the shoot out at his house and everything that had happened after, he couldn’t exactly call her up to check in. And in the fall out of Vecna taking the upper hand, finding out what happened to her hadn’t exactly been priority number one.

He’s glad she’s okay.

“I’m sorry that I worried you,” Will murmurs, giving her arm a gentle squeeze. “There’s a lot that’s been going on.”

“That’s alright!” Rosie says brightly. There’s no hint of accusation in her voice or face, so Will stuffs down the guilty feeling. “We’ll have to find some time to hang out soon, catch up.”

Will nods, though inwardly he’s a bit worried that with all the Party’s planning on doing, he won’t have time for much else. (Especially if he and Mike keep wanting to have date nights). With the likely new addition of AV club…Hold on…

Will has an idea.

“Hey, what are your thoughts on AV?” he asks.

“Like, videotaping and radio?” She hums at Will’s eager nod. “I think it’s neat and useful.”

Will grins. “Great! Me and my other friends are thinking of starting one for the high school. Would you be interested in joining?”

Rosie hums thoughtfully. “I mean, I’m signing up for the debate team if all goes well, but I’d be willing to add another extracurricular!” She beams. “And it will look nice on a college application!”

Will laughs. Her thinking as far ahead as college when she herself is still a freshman isn’t the least bit surprising to him. He’d watched her study for the SATs the summer before she’d gone into eighth grade. She’s got big plans, and it’s interesting (if a bit intimidating) to watch.

“Awesome, I’ll try to catch up with you once everything is set up.”

She nods. “I gotta go before I miss my bus. Also, our phone line isn’t hooked back up yet, but as soon as it is, you’d better give me your number, Will Byers.”

Will laughs. “If only to keep me safe from the wrath of a future lawyer.”

He waves her off, grinning.

When he turns back to his sister and his boyfriend, Will can immediately tell that Mike’s trying not to pout. “Who was that?”

“That’s Rosie—you remember her, right? She’s the friend I made at the Snowball. You have to promise you’ll be nice to her, okay?”

Will has a few vague memories of Mike’s frown whenever Will turned down trips to the pool to go hang out with Rosie instead. His burn scar had still been healing then, and he hadn’t exactly told any of them about it.

He’s not sure they know about it, even now.

She called you Zombie Boy then, Mike mentally grumps.

Will sighs. And early in our friendship, she knew not to call me that. Just like she instantly knew I didn’t want to date her.

This mollifies Mike, at least a little.

-

If Will weren’t a fan of keeping busy, he’d say their schedules are a bit too full. As it is, however, he’s glad to have something to fill up the space in his week. He thinks the Party agrees with him, at least a little.

Once Mr. Clarke has things sorted with administration, the Party’s schedule ends up like this: On Mondays, Dustin and Mike have their therapy appointments—Mike at three, Dustin at four. On Tuesdays, Will and El have art club, and Lucas, Erica, and Max have therapy. Every other Wednesday will be Hellfire at Steve’s, once the rest of the (non-Party) club figure out their own schedules. On Thursdays, Mike, Dustin, and Lucas have theater, and Will and El go to therapy. Every other Friday will be AV club, once everything is finished getting set up.

On a day when Will and El visit Max at the hospital, they talk to her about what her schedule might look like once she’s out.

“Lucas has already talked me into AV, of course,” Max says, more than a little fondly. “But I have an extra class I’ll have to go to on Mondays, after school. Picking up on Braille isn’t going as fast as I want it to.” This last part is said with smarting frustration. She’s clearly mad at herself for it.

“I mean, it is an entire language,” Will says gently. “As smart as you are, no one can learn an entire language over the course of a month.”

She scowls in his direction. “It’s still annoying that I’m having such a hard time at it.”

El hums contemplatively. “I would like to continue learning it. Books aren’t the best teachers. Can I come along to your classes?”

Max fidgets with her blanket, looking a little bit shy. “If you want, it’s probably okay, yeah.”

El beams. “And Lucas too?”

“Obviously. As long as it’s just you two.”

Will hides a smile. He’s more sure than ever that El has a crush on Max, but thankfully she doesn’t seem the least bit jealous of Lucas. Good, he wouldn’t want to be in the middle of that fight.

-

By the end of the month, Mike’s gotten three diagnoses from Dr. Jackson: depression, anxiety, and attention deficit disorder. The first two are far from a shock, but the third only makes sense in retrospect. He thinks about all the times he’d disrupted class when he was younger—never really on purpose, but “a distraction” all the same. And he knows his social skills aren’t the greatest—he doesn’t usually mean to be mean, but sometimes the words that come out of his mouth are a little different than they’d been in his mind.

(It’s not my fault you don’t like girls, rings out in his head, and he cringes.)

Still the definition of what’s been going on inside his brain is a little bit of a relief. At least he knows.

However Mike’s hesitant to go on any medicine. It somehow feels like that would make it more real—that “something is wrong with him”. Dr. Jackson allows him to make the choice.

“What works for one person might be bad for the other,” she tells him calmly. “There’s a lot of factors involved. If you think you’ll be fine on therapy alone, then you don’t have to go on medication.”

Mike grimaces and thinks about the panic attack he had at lunch (too many people too many and too close, and he lost sight of the Party for a brief moment). “Maybe something for the anxiety,” he murmurs, curling and uncurling his hands around the rolled up magazine in his hands (a ‘safer’ replacement for his typical hand wringing and nail biting).

“We can absolutely look into that,” Dr. Jackson says kindly. “I’ll talk to our psychiatrist tomorrow morning and see what we can do for you.”

Mike gives her a tiny smile. Even if he’s on the fence about medicine, he’s warming up therapy. Maybe he can allow himself to be talked around to the other stuff too.

Mike talks to Will about it that evening.

(He’s convinced his mom to let Will stay over, even though it’s a school night; under the guise that they’ll work on homework—If cuddling were a subject, he thinks nonsensically, he and Will would pass with flying colors.)

“What do you think?” Mike asks, feeling shy. He doesn’t think Will is going to judge him, but… “Do you think I’m bad enough that I need medication?”

And there is the crux of the matter. Mike still has trouble understanding why he’s taken everything so hard, when, in his opinion, everyone else has had it much worse than him.

When he mentally relays as much to his boyfriend, Will’s eyes go big and sad, and he cuddles closer to Mike. “Hey, this is not the trauma olympics. You’ve been through some horrible things that I wouldn’t wish on Troy Walsh, let alone you.”

Mike’s laugh is wet with tears. “I mean…”

Will snorts. Then they fall silent, still cuddling.

“I've been on medication since the end of my possession,” he says finally, a little quiet. “Anxiety, antidepressant, and an anti-seizure medicine. Though Janet is thinking about switching one or two out. It helped me, so…”

Mike already knew about his PTSD, and the depression and anxiety make a painful amount sense, but the revelation that Will is on anti-seizure medicine comes as a bit of a shock.

In retrospect, it shouldn’t.

One of Will’s doctors saying “he’s seizing” had intermingled in with the rest of his nightmares in the months after they’d first fought the Mind Flayer. In his thirteen year old brain, however, he’d assumed the two seizures Will had had were anomalies. And eventually that specific nightmare had faded into the background with everything else going on.

Mike kind of wants to go back in time and beat up his younger self. When he relays that thought to Will, his boyfriend flicks his nose. “Stop being mean to yourself. Like I said, you were going through shit too.”

Mike grumbles and hides his face against Will’s neck. “So you think the anxiety medicine is a good idea?”

“I think if you’re comfortable with it, yes.”

So, at Mike’s next appointment, he agrees to start. Dr. Jackson’s colleague (an older man named Dr. Day) sets Mike on a low dose of something called Paroxetine.

“That’s the same anxiety medicine I’m on,” Will tells Mike the next morning. They’re sitting at a picnic table outside the school, waiting for Dustin and Lucas. El has gone to put her bag away.

“And it works?” Mike took his first dose after breakfast, so he’s been slightly nervous to see if there are side effects.

Will nods. “Mmhmm. I switched to it right before we moved to California.”

“It made you sleep a lot the first few weeks,” El says, sitting down beside Will.

Will shrugs. “I adjusted.”

“Maybe I should take it at night,” Mike hums. “I don’t exactly sleep well, so if it’s gonna make me tired anyway…”

“It might not be as effective that way,” Will cautions immediately. “Especially since you’re on a low dose.”

Mike shrugs and decides to wait it out for a while. It’s not even been a day yet, after all.

In the end he chooses to keep taking it in the morning. He’s more likely to remember to take it then, anyway. The stress and exhaustion he feels by the end of the day would make that obligation hard to remember.

And, the Party’s agreed to try and keep each other safe and accountable--they can remind each other. Half of them are on some form of medication now (whether for physical or mental things), and it’s easy to forget to take them.

It’s not just the medicine, however. Sometimes one or more of them stop feeling safe in a setting where it’s hard (socially and/or educationally) to escape to calm down.

As they tend to do, the Party comes up with an appropriately nerdy (great) solution.

Lucas is the one to come up with itt. After that first time he didn’t show up to lunch, worrying the rest of his friends, they all know better than to go off somewhere without telling at least one of the others where they’re going.

He and Will are the ones who have kept up with Morse code the most since learning it in fifth grade—it had been what saved their lives when Will was possessed. It’s useful in a less dire situation now. Once the others have had a refresher course, it’s fairly simple to tap out a short explanation against one of the other’s arms, or against their desk.

Mike is the first one to have to put it into action. It’s nearing the end of the day, and it’s not exactly been a good one. He flubbed a project he had to present in History, his food had tasted off at lunch (so he hadn’t eaten), and now in the last class of the day (math, which Mike only like in context of DnD), he’s put in a group of four to work on classwork. Everyone is talking too loud, and the lights are too bright and he’s queasy from being hungry and he doesn’t want to do geometry right now, especially not with fucking James Dante.

(James hasn’t bullied any of them since Troy moved away, but he’s not exactly apologized for being a douchebag either.)

So Mike’s very close to just walking out of class. He catches Dustin’s eye (thankfully across from him) who gives him a sympathetic grimace.

Trying hard to breath through uncooperative lungs, Mike taps at the table with his pen:

.-.. …-, LV - Leave.

……., error.

Since tapping out ‘overwhelmed’ or ‘too much’ would be a lot of tapping, the Party had decided on ‘error’ as the signal that they were overwhelmed.

(SOS, they agreed, would only be used if they needed actual, go get an adult, kind of help.)

Dustin fakes like he’s leaning against his hand while he nods, tapping his pencil in return.

…-., Understood.

Then he raises his hand. “Mrs. Sawkchuck, I forgot that Mike and I need to go help Mr. Clarke with some paperwork for AV. Is it okay if we leave a little early?”

She stares him down for a long moment, lips pursed. But most teachers like Dustin well enough, so Mike’s not surprised when she eventually nods.

“I’ll write you two a hall pass, but I expect those worksheets done before the next time I see you.”

Mike manages a half convincing nod and follows Dustin out of the room.

Then he blinks and realizes he’s suddenly sitting in the AV club with Dustin’s jacket over his head. He reaches up to touch it. “Mm?”

The warm presence next to him sighs in relief. “You said the lights were too bright.”

Mike’s eyes prickle in shame and gratitude. “Thank you Dustin.”

Dustin shrugs. “You’d do the same for me. We gotta look out for each other, right?”

Mike nods. Then he slouches against his knees a little. “How long have we been in here?”

“Like ten minutes. School just ended. I walkied Will.”

Mike’s face burns. “Was I asking for him?”

Dustin’s smile is gentle. “Yeah, but I don’t blame you. His presence is a lot more calming than mine.”

“Shut up, you literally just calmed me out of a panic attack.”

He hopes Dustin hadn’t worried Will. I’m okay, he reaches out. Immediately he feels Will’s relief. Got overwhelmed, but Dustin helped.

Warm affection. He’s good at that.

So, yeah, they all help each other.

And because Mike sometimes needs the extra reminder, Will’s taped a cute little note by Mike’s nightstand where it’s easy to see in the morning. It’s got a small version of Will smiling up at him and a speech bubble:

“Take your pills, Mike.”

It makes his chest warm whenever he looks at it. And it does its assigned job of making sure he takes his medicine.

-

Max is being released from the hospital at the end of the week. She tells them she won’t be able to go back to school until the week after that, because the extra teacher she’ll need for teaching her braille full-time is driving down from Indianapolis.

“It took a lot of arguing with my mom to not send me to Indianapolis,” she says. “There's a school for blind people there, but I’d rather stick around here.” She squeezes Lucas’s hand.

In the meantime, she’s driving her mother and her physical therapist crazy by attempting wheelies in her new chair. There are a few other kids in the hospital and she’s taken to racing some of them—much to the doctors’ dismay. “Sometimes I even let them win.”

They’re settling into some kind of new normal.

[hotshotsxyz]

still everything beautiful

(buddie) (673 words) (5x17 spec)

Eddie should be asleep. They both should, really. The hour is well past late, and neither of them has said a word in over ten minutes. But the lamp beside the sofa is still casting its warm light across the room, and Eddie’s missed Buck. And he thinks, maybe, that Buck missed him too. 

He studies Buck, tracing the slope of his nose and the curve of his jaw with his eyes. It’s nothing he hasn’t memorized before, but he finds he never gets tired of looking. And he gets it now. God does he get it. Eddie doesn’t know how he missed it before, but he understands now. 

And he wants– there’s a lot that he wants, actually. Which Frank would probably call a long-overdue realization. Or maybe not, actually, because Frank’s usually nicer than that when Eddie’s making progress. And this, he knows, is progress. He wants Christopher to be happy, yes, but he wants himself to be happy, too. He wants to be a firefighter. He wants to sleep eight hours straight and wake up refreshed. He wants to make a frittata in the morning, because Linda sent him a recipe and he thinks he might actually be able to make it taste good. 

And he wants Buck. Eddie wants everything with Buck. 

They’re not there yet, no, because Eddie got back from El Paso not even four hours ago, and Buck broke up with Taylor while Eddie was on the plane. But he thinks maybe they will be, eventually. For the first time in his entire life, everything Eddie wants feels like it’s in reach. 

It’s that thought that makes the words that have been percolating in his brain all week finally tumble from his mouth. 

“Do you ever wonder what it would have been like?”

Buck blinks at him slowly, frowns a little, clearly trying to push through the haze of exhaustion for the context Eddie hasn’t given him. It makes the corner of Eddie’s mouth tick up in the smallest of grins. 

“If we’d met before, when we were kids,” he clarifies. 

The confusion clears from Buck’s expression, and his eyes drop away from Eddie’s. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “I’ve thought about it.”

“Me too,” Eddie confesses. “All this week, I’d drive past the places I used to know and imagine you in them.”

“I missed you,” Buck says quietly. 

“I missed you, too.”

“Sometimes,” Buck starts. He pauses to bite his lip. “Sometimes I think I’ve been missing you my entire life. Like a part of me knew you were out there and was just waiting for you to find me.”

Eddie closes his eyes and reaches out blindly, trusting that Buck will catch his hand. “I wish I had,” he whispers. “Or–”

“I get it,” Buck says. “I wouldn’t change it either. We sure would’ve raised some hell, though.” He squeezes Eddie’s hand, and Eddie can just imagine the smile that follows. He opens his eyes and is rewarded with the sight of it, small but genuine, and maybe just a little bit sad. 

“Yeah we would’ve,” Eddie replies. “I think there’s a lot I would have figured out sooner, too,” he admits quietly. 

“Like what?” Buck asks. His expression is soft and curious, and god, Eddie loves him. He really loves him. 

Eddie swallows, throat suddenly dry. “I’m gay,” he says. “Or- or bi, maybe. I’m still figuring that out. But I’m not–” he cuts himself off with a huff. 

Buck’s eyes go a little wide. “You– Eds,” he breathes. “I’m so proud of you.” He pulls Eddie into a bone crushing hug that kind of maybe a little bit makes him want to cry.

“For what?” Eddie mumbles into Buck’s shoulder. 

“For everything,” Buck says. “For– for therapy, and for learning how to cook, and for talking to your parents. For being you. You’re my favorite person, you know that?”

Eddie settles his arms around Buck’s waist and allows him to take his weight. “You’re mine too.” 

It’s a long time before they move.

[normanblowup]

Moment of Silence

nathan explosion x reader

songs;

silence by marshmello

sound of silence by simon and garfunkel

(literally any other song that says the word silence :))

summary: nathan meets the new member of the dethklok staff, they get along really well. toki and murderface find out the newbies troubled past.

warnings: reader killed a family member when they were young, they grew up in juvy and mental institutions, nightmares/flashbacks, nonverbal reader/uses asl, nathan literally just assumes he’s dating the reader, swearing

words: 2,750

a/n: despite the warnings, i promise this is supposed to be more fluffy than angsty but the reader does have some issues that they eventually discuss with nathan (nathan obviously thinks it’s totally brutal and has a hard time completely grasping the concept.)

———

“You will be able to see the bands therapist as well, if that’s, ah, something you think you need.” Charles informs you, handing you some paper work over his desk.

“That could be very helpful, thank you.” You sign, gently taking the paperwork from his hands. “I’m very grateful for this opportunity to work with you, as well as the band.”

You’ve just been hired as Dethkloks scheduler/planner, and as you walk back towards your new bedroom in Mordhaus you can’t begin to comprehend how the hell you got here. After you were allowed into the public, people often told you that you’d never get a job, that your background and record would never allow you to live comfortably with others. Well, it’s good to know they were wrong.

You’re glad Charles was so respectful towards you and your predicament, you quickly realize he is not a judgmental man. You had to explain to him your situation, or past situation, and he was kind and didn’t push too far for information.

When you were seven, you killed your older sister. You had suffered a mental breakdown, you were horribly stressed and lashed out in anger. After you gained your senses, you ran out of the house and to the closest adult you could find. You were covered in blood and were mistakenly taken to the hospital instead of the police station, but you informed a nurse of your situation and your sister back at the house.

Going to court as a seven year old was not easy, it was horrible and overwhelming. Eventually, the court came to the ruling that you would be taken to a juvenile detention center. You would be isolated from the other kids and be given extensive therapy. You move from juvy to mental institution, to another institution. You shut down and stopped responding verbally, the moving around and feeling like you were just some thing to burden others was getting to you. You missed your sister.

Soon enough, you were taught American Sign Language. As you grew older, you made lots of progress in therapy. While in your late teens, you were allowed to attend a public high school with supervision. It wasn’t until you were 21 that you were deemed well enough, and adjusted enough, to integrate into society. You had to work in jobs with little to no human contact, and often paid very little. But you got by, enough so that you could afford your own small, dingy little apartment.

Now you live in Mordhaus with Dethklok. Who still have yet to meet you, even though you’ll be working fairly closely with them. You’re sure Charles has at least told them about you. You decide to go sit in the meeting room and fill out the papers Charles gave you. The room is quiet and kind of cold, which makes you shiver and pull your large coat around you further.

You sit for about ten minutes before the door opens and Nathan Explosion walks in- well more like lumbers in, his posture is poor and his steps are heavy. His dark hair hangs over half his face and it takes him a few seconds to register someone already sitting in the room. Nathan had wanted to go for a little walk after recording with the other boys, but he quickly realized he doesn’t like walking and decided to sit down. So, he entered the meeting room, where he knew no one would be. Or so he thought.

His eyes are wide as he stares at you, but he relaxes when you just go back to your work. He quietly sits down in the chair across from you. He can’t keep his eyes off you, you’re probably the most attractive person he’s ever seen. You’re nothing like the groupies he hangs out with, not even close, but for some reason that makes you all the more beautiful. You’re not even trying to get his attention and yet you have all of it. You feel his stare boring into your skull so you subtly look up from your paperwork, only to find his eyes locked right on yours. You can’t pull your gaze away and neither of you say anything.

You sit silently for what feels like half an hour, just staring at eachother but neither of you feel particularly uncomfortable. When you look over to the clock, effectively breaking the staring match, you notice that you have been sitting in here for thirty minutes. Just as your about to get up Charles bursts through the door.

“Y/n! Where ah, where have you been? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for ten minutes. We have a meeting.” He walks over to you, checking the clock and gently guiding you out the door as you stand up completely. You look back at Nathan as you leave and watch as he stares daggers into your ass, only serving to make you scoff in amusement.

The meeting with Charles goes on for about an hour, and at that point it’s time for bed. You head up to the floor you’re staying on, locking your door behind you, and you flop into bed. What you don’t know is Nathan and the rest of the band are talking about you in the living space hot tub.

“—and we were just sitting there quietly. It was the most emotional bonding I think I’ve ever had with someone, it was brutal. So, uh, yeah, I think we’re dating now.” Nathan smiles his gorgeous little smile, his arms spread wide in a gesture of excitement. Pickles, who sits across from him in the hot tub, furrows his brows in confusion.

“Wait- hold on. You think yer datin’ them just because you sat silently and stared at each other for a little while? Dood, that’s not how that works.” Pickles shakes his head, and Toki looks back at him in bewilderment.

“Whats do you mean, Pickle? They haves an emoktionals bonds!” Toki gestures wildly with his hand, accidentally splashing water into Wills face. “Oh, sorry Moidaface.”

“Ja, they obviousklys haves an emotionals bond.” Skwisgaar nods along.

“Yeah! Who the hell schits schilently with schomeone like that if they don’t have an emoschional bond? They were schpending quality time together!” Murderface points at Nathan with his half empty beer bottle, a wide smile on his face. “I’m happy for you man!”

“Thanks, guys. They’re a really cool person, I’m glad I’m dating them.” Nathan beams at the others and giggles a little in excitement, he hasn’t had a serious partner in a real long time. Especially, one that’s so nice and appreciates silent quality time.

“Yer not dating them, Nathan, you haven’t even asked them out. They don’t even know you!” Pickles tries to talk some sense into the others. Nathan’s smile falters slightly.

“What are you talking about? Everyone knows who I am.” A confused expression finds itself on Nathan’s face.

An hour or two goes by of finishing up in the hot tub and watching some stupid show on TV before they all decide to go to bed. Nathan sits up, alone in his sea of a bed and thinks of you. Your cute little face. God, how the hell are you so cute? He’s never thought anyone was ‘cute’ before. Hot, sure, but cute? No way. He doesn’t like cute, he likes brutal. He likes hot and sexy. But holy shit, you’re so cute and he likes it so much. He’s sure you can be sexy and hot too, but he doesn’t know what that looks like yet. He can’t wait til he does.

Nathan stops for a second, a thought crossing his mind. What if you don’t know you two are dating? I mean, you must! Why else would you sit with him like that?

The next day you wake up to a call from Charles, another meeting is in store. Though, this time with Dethklok. You tell him you’ll be down there in about ten minutes, so you hurry to get dressed and brush your teeth, aiming solely for presentable. You enter the meeting room, Charles is the only one there. He’s adjusting some papers in front of his seat, but then he notices you and gestures for you to sit in the chair to his left. He quickly gives you the run down of what the meeting is supposed to be about, but warns you that they often go off topic. You nod along and listen intently.

Soon enough, the boys wander in, grouchy and obviously not prepared to wake up so early. Pickles isn’t even wearing a shirt. So much for presentable, you think giggling silently to yourself.

Nathan sits across from you, locking eyes with you as soon as possible. His expression is stoic, possibly even blank. The rest of the band sits down in random chairs, some leaving gaps between themselves. They settle down pretty quickly as Charles stands up.

“Alright boys, ah, this is Y/n L/n. They’re going to be working very closely with us, uh, helping with scheduling events, tours, and things. Please, be respectful.” Charles announces, they murmur in response, seemingly hellos. You wave gently. “Now, I’d uh, like to talk about our budget for this next event. It’s very tight, we don’t want to have any unnecessary purchases—“

“Are you and Nathan dating?” Murderface half-yells to you from quite a few chairs away. His face is contorted in confusion, and soon enough so is yours. Charles is frozen, absolutely shocked at this question and looking at him you understand he has no idea how to help you.

“What do you mean?” You sign, you’re nervous and your hands are slightly shaky. It’s the first time you’re meeting them and one of them is already accusing you of sleeping with the other.

“Why are they throwing up gang schigns?” Murderface now turns to Charles, who sits down in exasperation. When he warned you the band could go off topic, you had no idea it would happen so quickly. You’re taken aback at his question for Charles, and you burst out laughing. Nathan watches quietly, starting to giggle along with you, even if he doesn’t quite understand why you’re laughing.

“That was sign language, you dildo.” Pickles facepalms and leans his elbows against the table. “They don’t speak, I’m guessin’, so they have to use their hands to talk.”

A chorus of “oh”’s erupt from the group.

“That’s why they were silents with Nathan’s!” Toki exclaims, pointing to Nathan not-so-subtly. Nathan’s face falls and his entire body runs cold. Oh, God, are you two not dating?

“Wait, so we’re not dating?” He grumbles, but not out of anger, he’s actually a little embarrassed. His hands fidget underneath the table and his leg starts to bounce up and down. He keeps trying to blow a stand of hair out of his face, but it won’t go and the touch of it is quickly starting to overstimulate him.

You tilt your head at him in confusion, your mouth hanging open, but as always no words come out.

“I’m sorry.” You sign, you actually feel a little bad. He obviously thought you two had something the day before, and you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t nice.

“They apologize.” Charles tells Nathan, and quickly changes the subject. “Back to the situation at hand, this next event is very important and we really, uh, really need to limit your spending on it…”

The meeting ends an hour later, the boys were all stunned into silence at your admission. Charles was actually able to get all the information across that he wanted, although he can’t guarantee that they were actually listening. At least you were.

You walk back to your room, contemplating the entire thing that just went down. Obviously, Nathan is a very attractive man, and he definitely thinks spending quality time together is a good thing but, he knows nothing about you. How could you possibly bring up your past in a way he would be okay with, let alone understand at all? It’s not exactly an easy thing to bring up. So, you don’t. You see him pretty often for the next few weeks but you always sit silently together like the first time.

He never makes you feel bad for not explaining anything that meeting room situation, doesn’t even ask you about it. He just sits and lets himself enjoy the time you spend together. You eventually become so comfortable around each other you let him hook his pinky finger with yours when you sit together. Touching has always been an issue with you, it’s not easy to open up or to let people in. But you want to let him in, he’s been very patient and gentle with you. It’s not something you’re used too, most people just assume you can handle rough housing, even if they know your past.

Charles doesn’t assume anything. He understands that you might need to step back for a few minutes sometimes, and he understands how important space is to you. So, over the weeks, turning on months, he lets you take breaks and to step back and work alone for a little while.

The others get curious about you, but they obviously can’t ask you since they don’t know sign language. So they go to Charles at first. He, in no way, is comfortable or okay with discussing you and your past without your permission. So, he shuts them down pretty quickly. They take to the internet then, looking up your name and finding old news papers and articles of the incident. Pickles starts to feel dirty learning about something so sensitive about you, he feels bad. Skwisgaar gets upset at Toki and Murderface, telling them it’s wrong that they’re looking at this. Toki and Murderface obviously, end up thinking that they have to “warn” Nathan.

They tell him but he doesn’t seem to grasp the information fully, he quickly exclaims that it’s brutal and you’re more metal than he thought.

The night before Nathan wants to talk to you, you have a nightmare. Though, they aren’t uncommon for you. You remember the day, your sisters blood on your hands and how bad your legs hurt from running away. How hard your heart pounded in your chest. You wake up screaming and crying, which causes a klokateer to burst into your room searching for an intruder. You quickly inform him of your problem and he asks if you need him to get Charles, you decline.

Nathan was outside, he could hear your hollers from your room, watched as a klokateer came to help you. As the man leaves, Nathan steps into the doorway. He watches you sit up in your bed, holding your face in your hands and sobbing quietly. In that moment he starts to realize maybe this is more brutal than he thought, and not in a good way.

“Hey.” Nathan calls out gently, still keeping his distance in your doorway. You look up and for once he can’t quite meet your eyes. “I uhhh… Heard about what happened to you. Do you… uhhhhhh, need to talk about it?”

You smile tentatively, you shake your head ‘no’ and beckon him forward gently. He shuts the door with little force and comes up to sit next to you in your bed. He’s been trying to learn sign language over the weeks you’ve spent together, so he leans over and signs while he speaks.

“Is everything okay?” His hands are a little clumsy but it makes you beam up at him in excitement.

“I will be okay.” You sign back, and you can tell he understands.

“That’s good.” He mumbles, relaxing next to you and sitting up against your headboard with you. Your shoulders touch gently, it sends a shiver down both of you. You’ve noticed he seems fairly averse to touching as you do, but he breathes out a slow breath and loosens up.

“I have issues too. If you uhhh, need to talk… We can uhhhhhh… Oh, God this is horrible I hate talking about this.” Nathan grunts in embarrassment. You chuckle and set your head on his shoulder.

“It’s okay, I know what you mean.” You turn to sign at him, but quickly find your place against him again. You’re glad he isn’t upset with you, or hates you for what happened. You’re glad he understands.

[critical-goat]

How Your Relationship With Them Changes (Younger Brothers)

{The post for the older brothers can be found here, the last three can be found under the read more under Satan’s section, no spoilers}

 Satan

Unlike a few most of the others, not much changes in your relationship with him. He already trusted you with so much, and so many of his insecurities and his faults have been laid bare before you and you had loved him even then. He will always how tender and soft you were with him and he is forever grateful for it.

His anger doesn’t get any easier to deal with, but you’re helping him find healthier outlets. It helps, but only for trivial matters. Nothing can really stop the way he gets whenever Lucifer is being decidedly insufferable.

When too many stressors pile up and his rage explodes, it’s best to get out of the line of fire heaven and hell forbid you ever are directly harmed by his anger, he would never forgive himself and seek him out afterwards, in the fallout of his anger, when he arguably needs you most, There isn’t much you can do about it, not without years of therapy (that you are not truly able to give) but you being there makes it easier to cope sometimes and that’s all he could really ask for.

Satan likes exploring and trying new things, and if he can share that with you? Even better. He’s going to try and pull you along into his newest hobbies and is more than eager to learn about and get into any you might have.

Even if he can’t always try new things things with you, he’s more than content to be off doing your own things in the same room. He enjoys the intimacy of being alone together and sometimes appreciates the space.

Make no mistake though, he will eventually gravitate back into your orbit for quality time.

Asmodeus

He becomes a lot more honest about his insecurities, but only when they’re getting to him the most. Don’t be too put off that he wouldn’t be willing to to talk about it whenever you ask. It’s already an accomplishment that he’d admit to their existence. Be gentle with him, he’ll come to you when he’s ready and when he does.... the reflief of being so close and comfortable with someone? He loves knowing he can trust you with the deepest and darkest parts of himself.

It doesn’t happen to him often but he’d still rather focus on you and bolster your own confidence than focus on the inner workings of his insecurities. Just remind him that being vulnerable isn’t all that bad.

Intimacy with him becomes a lot less sexual. Sex is kind of his thing and he absolutely does enjoy it, but knowing you aren’t there for his sex appeal, but for who he is underneath the title and the charming smiles means so much to him.

So for you, in your moments together, your intimacy is chaste and pure, but no less indulgent for the both of you.

Asmo wants all you you and everything that comes with being with you. Your good days, your bad days; your beautiful, your ugly. All of it.

You don’t always have to be perfect or amazing or composed or flawless. He’ll love be there for you through it all. You’re so wonderfully you and that’s all he could ever ask for. 

  Beelzebub

Makes up the last of the ‘doesn’t change much’ squad. Like Satan, he’s always been honest and upfront. Sweet man just wants to keep you happy and safe. You are his world and he shows it.

He’s not good with showing his emotions so he will, and has from the start, speak his mind as plainly as possible. And yet loving you has always been straight forward for him.

Daily kisses are a must for him, with morning kisses being his favorite (it’s certainly the best way to wake up if you ask him). Other affection levels will fluctuate based on your preference, as he relies on your for what’s alright with you. He always waits for your ok before giving any public affection unless you’ve stated you don’t mind. If you’re touch averse, he’ll refrain altogether and only ever wait for you. Beel will follow you any where and every where you’ll allow him, often times looking like a body guard which is fine by him.

Food and snack times (and packing extras) will be an important part of the dai;y routine but your presence satiates and fulfills him enough he can focus on other, more important things. The gnawing hunger never really goes away but its more than he’s had in the past and it’s the most free he’s felt of his burden since his days as an angel.

  Belphegor

Belphie will take the longest to open up, honestly. He has a lot of emotions to sift through and so many things to get past before he puts in the effort to change for you. Once the changes happen, its very noticeable to everyone and seems to happen over night. He will refuse to address that he was ever reluctant to begin with you can try to have a talk with him about it, but the only answer you get boils down to how he finally feels ready to be with you in full.

As a sort of apology to make up for the amount of time it took to get to this point, he quickly familiarizes himself with you, your preferences, your schedule, and does whatever he can to make your daily life easier and less stressful in the most minimal and sleepy brat ways possible. Sometimes its easy to forget there ever was a reluctance because of just how well he seems to anticipate what you want.

He’s no longer tests the waters and is rather forthcoming with his desires and expectations from you and the relationship. All he really wants is exclusive rights to your lap as a napping spot. No sharing, not even with Beel (group cuddles with Beel still happen, his twin just isn’t allowed your lap, that’s HIS hissss).

You don’t have to worry about him sleeping the day away or wasting moments you could have spent together because he’s awake a lot more often and can almost always be found attached to your side. He eventually admits that you’ve given him the motivation to make the effort to stay awake. He wouldn’t miss spending time with you for all the naps in the world. Just don’t be surprised if he starts asking you to carry him places.

[angria]

About this Blog

*Do not reblog personal posts tagged #angriadm*

Hi all, I’m Angria, not my real name (it comes from my love of the Brontë's…it’s the name of their childhood paracosm).  I live on the east coast of the US, both my home-state and the city in which I currently live.  I’m 34 and a gay/queer, cis-woman with she/her pronouns. Was a teacher, now a social work grad student.  I’ve been on here for over 10 years.  This is my outlet and safe space to express things I cannot talk about outside of therapy.  I post what I like or things that resonate with me. I'm weird and pay attention to how my tumblr looks (like how the colors, quotes, pics go together), so I usually blast 20+ posts in a row and then silence...that probably will annoy some people. Also...I curse. A lot (probably too much, but eh). And I do not tag it, so no TWs with regard to swearing.

Speaking of, I have a very specific tag system that serves me and not necessarily others in the sense of trigger warnings.  Just be aware of that and if you do need to unfollow me, I fully understand.

1) I mainly struggle with CPTSD, BPD, and severe depression from childhood abuse and neglect.  I also struggle with self harm and will mention it, usually as SH (no graphic details).  I am still in contact with my parents, for financial/practical reasons amongst others.  So please do not recommend I go no-contact.  It is a very complex situation and I actively discuss it with T.

2) I am very private when it comes to locations and people, mainly because I’m afraid of people I know finding my tumblr.  So my privacy settings are very strict and I do not allow anons.  I’ve never had a good experience during the two times I allowed it years ago.  This is my personal, private safe space and I do not need some random person’s cowardice and ignorant judgments invading it.

3) As a heads up, I do talk about religion and my faith, specifically Christianity.  I’m Episcopalian, was Atheist for a time, and recovering from my religious trauma inflicted by the Catholic Church (born and raised in a dogmatic household and school). I am a firm supporter of inclusive, affirming, and accepting theology. Religion should never be weaponized to control and manipulate others with threatening, bigoted, hate-filled doctrine or beliefs.  If it makes you feel shame, fear, or worthlessness, it does not come from God.  It comes from twisted and false human ideology cowardly hiding behind the guise of “religion.”

I did study and teach Theology for many years; however, no, I do not wish to argue or debate theological or religious discourse.  That is not the point of my blog.  It’s completely fine if you disagree with me or have different beliefs/faiths. But, I am not inviting people to challenge me purely because I have a faith.  I respect other’s faith or non-belief (as long as it doesn’t harm others), so please respect mine.  I am open to genuine questions that you may have; however, I am by no means an authority nor consider myself an expert.  I may know more than the average person, but I will always be in a state of learning.

I do write about things regarding religion that may trigger people, so please take care of yourself and unfollow, if need be. I try my best to notify people with TW/CWs and Read More’s.

Some main people/things I mention…

T is my therapist of 12 years.  He is an incredible person who has supported me and helped me throughout our time together, never giving up on me .  I probably would not be here if it wasn’t for our work.  I vent about him occasionally if I’m upset with him (which we do talk about eventually).  This is not an invitation to judge him or my therapy. My blog is only a snapshot of our years together.  You do not know him, his experience and professionalism, our boundaries, nor fully understand the context of what we discuss and process.

Dr W is my psychiatrist of 11 years.  She also is a huge advocate and actually listens to me when it comes to my symptoms, medication, and their side-effects, which is a rarity when it comes to psychs.   

Her is a child-part, for lack of better term.  The Voice is a fight(?) part.  I do not have DID, but I have been told I fit criteria of OSDD.  While I agree, I am still hesitant to say I have it.  I just know Her and The Voice are more fragmented/dissociated than how “parts” are described in IFS (Internal Family Systems).

Smshellhole was the Catholic school I attended for 11 years, from preschool to 8th grade (I always call it hellhole; the school's name is a trigger).  I was severely bullied and abused throughout that time, both from kids and teachers.  As well as the priest who worked there.  The time between 3rd and 7th grade were the worst years when I was so dissociated I can’t remember much…just small pieces. Along with the abuse and neglect at home. Main abuser is a person from hellhole during the worst years.

E and J are the priests at my Episcopal church St. P’s and have been life-changing for me and immense supporters as I untangle and process my religious trauma (a couple years ago, J left to assume a different role in a diocese that is in another state. Which completely devastated me). W is our new priest and so far seems to be kind, gentle, and welcoming.

And if you are feeling up to it, check out my positivity/recovery blog spegaudentes (Latin for rejoicing in hope). Mostly stuff that makes me happy with a smattering of coping skills and memes.

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

fic title: the girl with flowers in her bones

Izumi learns she has a Quirk age six when the weird bump on her shoulder is inspected by a doctor who cuts it open to reveal a pretty flower.

Said flower quickly changed and becomes deadly, nearly killing a nurse before it’s destroyed.

No one knows how it got there but now people know about it. At first Izumi is happy. She has a Quirk.

Then she isn’t.

“It’s a useless Quirk!” Kacchan taunts her. “Perfect for a useless girl like you! Flowers under the skin! Pathetic!”

Kacchan burns her shoulder and she goes home crying.

Later a flower develops where she’s been burned and after some quiet conversation with Inko about how her husband had left because of Izumi’s Quirkless status and Izumi had heard it, they figured it out.

The flowers bloom when someone hurts her. They bloom and the doctors do a scan revealing many more flowers all over her- some were small and no one could see them. Little hurts the doctors theorized.

They still had to be removed. Izumi has been getting slower, becoming more exhausted each day. It’s the flowers.

Izumi numbly lets it happen.

But it happens again. And again.

Flowers bloom because people keep hurting her. They turn deadly when exposed to the air.

“Freak, monster, liar-“ it’s all shouted at her by her class. Kacchan leads the charge.

His flowers are always an orange lily. Hatred.

Izumi wonders if it means him or her who hates the other. When it becomes a sweet pea, she has a feeling she knows why she is receiving a goodbye.

She stops growing flowers for him. Because she knows she will only get pain from him, because he is no longer one she believes to be a friend.

“The flowers are signs of betrayal,” she changes the classification. “I can only be hurt by those I do not think would hurt me, those I trust. Once I stop trusting or believing they will not hurt me the flowers stop.”

Her mother sobs upon hearing it. Inko then goes and terrifies the Bakugou family, promising that unless Kacchan leaves her alone Inko would go after them.

Kacchan doesn’t listen.

So Inko slaps them with a lawsuit she wins. It’s enough for Izumi to go to a new school where she sits quietly and doesn’t talk.

There people whisper still but it’s sad whispers.

“Her Quirk hurts her.”

“No, it’s people hurting her which sets off her Quirk.”

“She’s so quiet.”

Izumi just works. The only one she trusts is her mother. Inko who tries so hard not to hurt her, who is honest and open. Who gives her books on flowers and smiles.

When Inko hurts Izumi she leaves violets and lavender. And they’re always small, so small. Small hurts, being too honest with her daughter.

Izumi loves her mother for it.

Izumi grows and soon she finds herself applying for UA. She wants to be a hero and her mother frets and admits she isn’t sure if Izumi can do but the two have researched and researched and well, they think they can figure a way out. Sports festival- she just needs to beat all the other students.

She thinks she can. The money they won from the lawsuit had helped Izumi not only get into a new school but also got her into a martial arts studio. Her mother insisted.

Probably was upset with how many flowers Izumi grew from cuts and burns and bruises. Those were the bigger ones, when they were left on purpose. They pushed against the skin, looked strange.

Funny, Izumi noticed that she didn’t gain flowers sparring.

“It’s probably based on intention. When you gain flowers from bruises or cuts and they’re from people doing it to hurt you and betray you, they come as flowers. But when it’s done as a fight or a spar it’s on purpose still but it’s not a betrayal of yourself.” Her Quirk therapist theorizes.

It makes sense.

Izumi goes to UA after failing the entrance exam and ends up in 1C where she finds herself meeting a boy who is like her. Sharp and broken and hurt.

Shinsou is a friend and she finds herself chuckling at his comments.

Their friendship only blooms truly though when she meets Kacchan again. He sees her and attacks, screaming. She fights back. Shinsou speaks and stops Kacchan and Izumi looks at him, seeing something similar back.

The situation ends with Izumi in the principal’s office telling her story. She looks him in the eyes tiredly.

Kacchan is removed from UA- apparently, the lawsuit hadn’t been included in his application.

“It was when he was ten!” His mother tries.

“It still happened and you lied,” Nezu tells her. Izumi isn’t supposed to be there but she went to the office to pick up some papers.

She thinks her homeroom teacher arranged it.

“The papers are supposed to show us if we need to watch out students for anything. You lied on the application.”

Izumi doesn’t know what to think as she slides away. She hasn’t seen Kacchan in years. Hasn’t spoken to him.

Yet he still tried to attack her. He hasn’t learned anything.

Izumi has left him behind. The pain he caused ended any relationship between them.

He is a child. He can learn, if he wishes.

She feels as if she is choking when she runs into someone.

“Ah,” the person says and she blinks at a girl with red and white hair. It’s long and in a braid as she stares at Izumi. There’s a burn scar on her face and as Izumi looks into her eyes she sees the same sort of pain Izumi has.

The girl nods and leaves and Izumi stares after her in confusion.

Then she has to head to class and Shinsou and it’s a mess.

A flower blooms under her cheek as she speaks and she wonders if it’s from the shock someone attacked her at UA or it’s because she always hoped Kacchan would change the longer she left him.

“It’s not the same.” She tells Shinsou. “I was in hell until I was ten and then just isolated after.”

“It’s close,” Shinsou tells her. He touches her cheek and she closes her eyes. “It’s growing?”

“Yeah. It used to be orange lilies. It might be the same now.”

It is. It’s removed by Recovery Girl and Izumi breathes and doesn’t try to think.

She doesn’t know what to think about anything.

She thinks in a way that expelling him was to much. She understands that they lied, that they removed the evidence of the trial. But did they truly know that it counted?

Kacchan is a child and needs to learn things.

At the same time, he tried to attack her.

Her mind feels muddled and confused and Shinsou tries to help but it’s different for him. His bullies were cruel and never stopped and yet he never expected it either to stop.

You can only be betrayed by a friend.

He tries but they fight and eventually he yells that she’s worthless if she wishes to let a boy who hurts her back into UA.

She flinches and he does too.

Shinsou reaches for her but she leaves, feeling sick.

Izumi wanders UA campus after that- a week after the Kacchan incident- a week after the USJ got invaded. With Kacchan in the office the class hadn’t gone to USJ, something all of them expresses relief about.

Izumi wanders and then runs into the red and white girl again. She’s training in the gym that all students are allowed to Izumi wandered to it out of habit. Usually she and Shinsou train- Shinsou finally accepting that he needs to train his body.

He’s not with her though, and she feels her shoulder ache.

Shinsou didn’t mean it, he was angry and didn’t understand. Izumi gets it.

But it still was a hurt.

“... are you okay?” The girl asks and Izumi blinks, realizing she’s been standing in the gym staring off into space.

“I’m fine.” She says. “I got into a fight with my friend.” The girl looks at her and Izumi sighs.

“My Quirk lets me know when I’ve been hurt,” Izumi explains. “The hurts become flowers under my skin. Ever hurt, physical, emotional, mental, minor or major.” Izumi sighs.

“... you were the one Bakugou attacked, the reason we did not go to the USJ.,” The girl says calmly.

“We were friends once. He hurt me badly, and we stopped. He tried again, my mom sued him and his family and they didn’t put the trial in his transcripts. So he’s been expelled and I just… I feel bad for him. He’s hurt me but I cared for him once and is it fair that he was a child when this happened and he’s still himself a child?” Izumi sighs. “Sorry. I-“

“I have similar feelings to my brother and mother.” The girl offers. Her face is slightly blank. She looks at Izumi, cocking her head slightly. “My father is not a nice man and he’s only stopped hurting us due to blackmail my eldest brother has given. I’m under the custody of my second eldest brother. My other siblings were deemed unsuited and my mother is in a mental health institute.”

“Oh!” Izumi blinks. “You didn’t-“

“You told me.” The girl shrugs. “I’m Todoroki Shouto.”

“Midoriya Izumi.”

It’s the start of something.

From the hurt Shinsou dealt jasmine is dug from Izumi’s skin and he apologizes over and over again. She tells him it’s not okay but she understands he didn’t truly mean it.

It makes her sad still.

She and Todoroki meet from time to time in the gym, speaking. Sometimes Shinsou joins them, sometimes not. He wishes to keep his Quirk private, wishing to get into the hero course like Izumi wishes.

Todoroki is kind, Izumi finds. She’s standoffish and blunt but she’s kind.

Her story is a sad one, told over gym meetings. Her father is Endeavour and he wished to overcome All Might. He had children to force it, and the abuse he placed his family through broke her mother.

Todoroki loves her mother. She loves her dearly but cannot face her.

“I used to blame myself, thinking it might be my fault she burned me. Natsuo, my brother, he got me into therapy and I’ve learned it wasn’t. I was a child, it was not on me. And yet my mother is ill.” Todoroki explains. “I care deeply for her but… I can’t face her right now. Because I have learned it is not my fault what she did and I have to adjust.”

Her brother, her eldest brother Touya, is a different story.

“He blamed me for the abuse. Said it was all my fault, hated the fact I was a girl too. Kept going on I was a screw-up, that I was disgusting. He’s in therapy to now but… I don’t talk to him. Ever if I can help it. Natsuo says he’s getting better but he won’t make me do anything. My sister keeps trying to get us to forgive our dad. We don’t want to.” Todoroki tells her. “It’s a mess.”

Todoroki doesn’t know what to do herself. Her brother was young when he became angry, and her mother ill. Neither were fully at fault, and yet she struggles.

It’s nice to talk to someone who understands.

Their friendship grows and Izumi wonders why it feels different then from her and Shinsou.

Yet as she watches Todoroki smile, she thinks she knows.

At the sports festival, Izumi and Shinsou manage to get to the tournament. They manage to claw their way to the semi-finals, determining who will go on to compete for first.

Shinsou insults her, curses her. And then he confesses.

Izumi keeps her mouth shut and shoved him out, even as she feels the flowers begin to bloom.

She does tell him she doesn’t feel the same.

“I know,” Shinsou tells her. “It’s Todoroki. You two smile all the time around each other, you laugh and have fun.” He shrugs sadly. “I just wanted to be honest.

Izumi accepts it, and later she finds the flowers to be yellow tulips.

One-sided love.

Yet first comes the finals, where Izumi screams at Todoroki to use her fire, even as the girl refuses to use it.

“I won’t use his power!” She yells.

“It’s not his! It’s yours!” Izumi cries back.

It’s chaos and destruction and in the end, Izumi has a silver medal.

And she has a smile she treasures.

It’s not love, not yet. But it has a chance to be.

A chance they cultivate, a chance they find becoming stronger and stronger as time goes on. As she and Shinsou enter the hero course, as she fights to protect a boy she barely knows on the streets of Hosu, protecting her hero mentor as well.

It’s a chance she takes, kissing Todoroki after the final exams. Todoroki accidentally burns her in shock and feels horrible.

Izumi treasures the fact a red rose blooms under her skin.