#to ban the most important ingredient

[pheadrus]

my mum has banned garlic from the entire christmas meal 💀 this is gonna taste shit

[gojoest]

COMPETITION — gojo satoru

satoru tries to beat the bad cook allegations and win his girls back

girl dad satoru, established relationship — you’re married & have a daughter (oc), her name is sora, f! reader, reader is referred to as “mama”, mentions of food, this is a silly little thing, not proofread, wc: 1.2k

satoru can be a lot of things — the strongest sorcerer, the most loving and devoted husband, the world’s greatest dad, society’s biggest menace, and according to some “the owner of the most annoying heh”  — but there’s one thing he most definitely isn’t. a good cook.

but ever since you had a family brunch gathering at nanami’s place where the latter had singlehandedly prepared a feast, without letting his wife lift a single finger even when it came to setting the table, satoru took it upon himself to prove that he can be as good of a cook as nanami, or even better.

the way you and your five-year-old daughter, sora, looked as if you’ve just tasted heaven while savoring each bite was a blow below the belt for satoru, while the finishing one was you complimenting nanami and telling his wife how she is the luckiest woman alive to have a husband who’s so skilled and willing in the kitchen because satoru can’t even boil water — to which sora nodded in agreement, “papa really sucks in the kitchen.”

it’s been two weeks ever since and you regret ever making that snarky remark about satoru’s incompetence because you’ve been banned from the kitchen all along, not even allowed to pour yourself a glass of water — all you have to do is ask and your husband will do it for you while you sit back and watch as the state of your kitchen worsens with each passing day.

he would occasionally have sora keep him company and help him prep the ingredients, sometimes even take the first bite if the end product looks edible, but for you the kitchen was completely off limits, he’s got a point to prove — that he is the best husband and you should’ve never said those flattering words about his friend in the first place because he can’t stand it when you acknowledge in any way any other man that isn’t him.

satoru’s determination is strong. he has no intention of letting this matter go, not until he sees that same expression on you and your daughter’s face — this is his life goal right now, he cannot have his two most important girls swayed by another man’s cooking, not even if that man is nanami (and especially because it’s him).

you might be running out of usable plates and pans, as they’re either broken or burnt, but satoru is definitely making progress. all the cooking videos he’s watched and the tips he’s gotten from talking to mothers on online forums are finally paying off because today, for the first time ever, he didn’t burn the pancakes for breakfast.

“papa”, sora looks with disapproving eyes at her dad, her cheeks squished between her tiny palms as she’s leaning her elbows on the kitchen counter.

“yes, my life”, satoru crouches down to her level. even though she’s standing on the toddler step stool her head can barely reach his hips. but whenever satoru talks to her, he always, without fail, either squats down or leans forward or holds her in his arms — because in those moments it’s just him and his little princess against the world, on equal footing always so he can hear her better and never miss a single expression she makes. “what’s with that look, hm?”, he nuzzles his flour covered nose against hers, the action itself causing some of the white particles to smudge on hers too.

“the pancakes look like pancakes this time but mama will not like this mess you made, again” — the sink is filled to the brim, there’s flour and baking powder on every single surface — counter, table, chairs, floor, the butter has started melting because satoru placed it too close to the stove after using some of it, there’s eggshells on the floor — any clean freak’s biggest nightmare.

“the mess i made?”, he gasps, “aren’t you an accomplice in this, little miss?”

“no”, she flatly denies, “i only watched you and broke the eggs”

“on the floor, that is”

“it’s because you said pick three eggs while i can only carry two, look—”, she stretches her tiny hands forward, palms facing up, to prove her point, “i have only two hands and they’re not big like yours, how am i supposed to hold the third one?”

satoru chuckles at her genuinely puzzled face, “you’re right, my life”, he replies through a soft smile after taking her hands into his and peppering kisses on the inside of each, “papa didn’t consider this”

“it’s okay, papa”, sora rests her forehead against her dad’s, “i am a big girl now, i will help you clean after breakfast”

“but you’ll always be my little girl no matter how old you get”, satoru whispers softly, lifting her up with just one arm so his free hand can gently caress the back of her head as she comfortably nuzzles her face into the crook of his neck, “which is why papa will take care of it”

���but first”, he sits her on the countertop and cuts a small piece of the pancake for her to taste. “say aah”, he holds the fork to her mouth, eagerly observing every gesture on her face as she takes the bite and starts chewing. it’s definitely not the look she made while eating nanami’s cooking but she doesn’t seem to hate it either.

“papa.”

“yes, my life?”, satoru looks at her expectantly.

“can i be honest with you?”

“yes, of course you can”

“uncle nanamin does it better”, she admits to which satoru instantly deflates, “but—”

“but?”, a tiny spark of hope makes it back to his sulking eyes.

“i wouldn’t trade your pancakes for the world”

“YESSS”, satoru triumphantly pumps his fist in the air and spins around beaming with joy, “got one of my girls back on my team — now let’s hear your mother’s verdict… but hold on”, his face painted in concern again.

“hmm?”, sora questions the sudden change in his demeanor.

“sora.”, satoru speaks in a rather serious voice.

“papa?”

“you’re not saying this just because i’m your papa, right?”

“well, it’s partly because of it actually”, sora pauses for a second, trying to pick the right words before continuing, “but it’s because you put so much love and effort to make me and mama happy that it makes anything you do my favorite thing in the world, and i wouldn’t trade it for anything, papa”

“i haven’t tasted the pancakes yet but i must agree with sora on this”, your voice reaches them from behind as you stand leaning on the doorframe. you came following the sweet and warm aroma wafting through the air but found yourself accidentally eavesdropping on their little heart-to-heart talk. “you put your heart and soul for us always — aren’t we the luckiest girls in the world?”, you wink at sora and she nods.

satoru sighs in relief, “if i can’t give you the best of everything that means i am a failure both as a husband and as a father. because you two are my biggest blessing and i only live to make you happy. also — you’re still not allowed in the kitchen, so just stay there and wait for the pancakes.”

[meguchi512]

assigning behaviors I've noticed in people to pjsk characters:

tsukasa: writes his name EVERYWHERE. his desk at school has "tsukasa" "tsukasa" "tsukasa" "tsukasa" written all over it, his notebooks too and even his classmates' notebooks (from a classmate)

shizuku: says "oh, madonna!" instead of "oh god" (from my italian grandpa)

saki: tsukasa rides a bike and saki sits on the handlebar & every time they have to stop they fall off but they just get up and go on like nothing's happened (from an old friend)

mizuki: accidentally sends "penis shaped messages" and immediately points it out (me)

ena: is so fucking done with mizuki's penis messages (my friends)

kanade: "uhh i think I'm forgetting something? oh well it probably wasn't important" hasn't drank water since yesterday (me again)

rui: extremely verbose, to the point where everyone around him thinks he's some sort of philosophical genius but in reality he's just saying dumb shit and articulating it intelligently (my italian grandpa again so sorry)

an: sends her friends "hot milfs in your area" messages pretending to be a bot because silly and immediately gets banned ( @robinoullea literally)

airi: wants to be supportive but types way too quickly ( @robinoullea trying to say "10/10")

emu: says the most deranged things in roblox chats and manages to not get censored while her friend (nene) can't even go one sentence without "########" ( @harukaisu )

nene, trying to tell tsukasa to reset his roblox avatar because he got stuck: uhhh kill yourself (me) (I'M SO SORRY)

minori: tries to download a pin and accidentally sends it to a random person and dies of embarrassment (everyone. no one is safe from Pinterest's AWFUL interface)

ichika: goes into a store. gets an ingredient. goes back home. goes back. gets an ingredient. goes back home. repeat until she's got everything to make dinner when it's already 11pm (my forgetful mom)

mafuyu: has the most DERANGED dreams I'm not even kidding ( @robinoullea when he had that one dream where he sent me a tiktok meme of Richard Watterson saying the names of popular pornstars with them flashing on screen for a second each. I've cried real tears about this btw)

kohane: has a chicken farm in minecraft but she's so attached to them that she can't kill any of them for food so they just keep reproducing and in turn the server keeps getting laggier. eventually a creeper explodes right next to it and she throws herself off a mountain (me)

haruka: uses the default pfp which is also the pfp that shows when you get blocked by someone. she also turns her phone off often (which causes messages to not get sent until it's on) so minori always panics and sends her messages to make sure she's not blocked (classmate)

akito: makes gagging noises on purpose because it makes ena gag too and get VERY annoyed and he finds it funny (classmate)

toya: unintentionally causes a lot of fights in vbs regarding what the best way to make coffee is (my whole friend group) (except me i do it on purpose)

honami: whenever someone tags her in l/n's group chat she heroically says "who calls for my help?" ( @robinoullea )

shiho: doesn't have the heart to tell honami how funny it is when she does that (not me i always make sure to mention it)

[brabblesblog]

Ch 19: There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear

Astarion has ascended, and she has stayed with him. Life in the Crimson Palace isn’t as idyllic as it seems. Is there a chance for their relationship to go back to how it was? Or is it too late for the Ascendant and his consort?

This series is about Ban, my Tav, and the Vampire Ascendant. Will be angst and smut, with sprinkles of fluff.

This fic is a softer take on Ascendant!Astarion and of the changes he undergoes after the rite. Can Ban handle the change, and if a chance came, would she choose to run? And can the Ascendant win her back in time? Inspired by the concept of vampire wives and that IGN interview with Larian that discussed the ascension.

Professionally edited by @editing-by-night

Two months after the trip to Reithwin, the Ascendant and his consort celebrate their first year in power.

Read on AO3.

Masterlist.

Ban stood on the balcony, savoring a quiet moment before the guests arrived. With their numerous trips throughout Faerûn in the past two months, they’d only just barely managed to organize a party to celebrate the Ascendant’s first year in power.

Another night, another party. It should’ve been quite trite by now, except this was the first event they were hosting together since they’d reconciled. How things would be different, she couldn’t exactly guess; they hadn’t really discussed anything beyond the usual reservations and planning.

Planning that had not gone too well, incidentally. She had booked the caterers a little late, resulting in a lack of ingredients available for purchase in the market, which had in turn caused a delay in the delivery of the hors d'oeuvres to the palace.

Hands on the railing, Ban looked over the city sprawled before her. She was relieved the party had mostly fallen into place, the preparations having been slightly more challenging than they would have been, had she and Astarion not been constantly on the move the entire time. Not that it would have made any difference regarding the catering, though - she had just plainly forgotten.

Ban shut her eyes for a moment, failing to hear the near-silent footfalls behind her.

“Love.”

His voice was a soft murmur, his hands wrapped around her waist from behind, pulling her close. He breathed in her scent, the fragrance matching his own: the faint smell of death, masked by bergamot, rosemary, and brandy. Beautiful as always, he thought, peeking at her face, although he couldn’t help the small worry that rose in his chest at the expression he found there. Tired, yes, he could tell - but of what?

She leaned into his touch.

They watched the world go by, watching the passage of time as they themselves remained timeless.

“Been an interesting year,” Ban said, turning her head to look at him. His gaze had shifted towards the city, but a smile broke across his features at her words; she watched his smile lines crease. He was dressed in black trimmed with gold tonight; the outfit never failed to make her weak in the knees.

“Hm. Nothing more significant than anything in the past two centuries,” he teased. His smile widened a fraction more, the tip of his fangs peeking out. The worry he’d initially felt eased a little, smoothed over by the sight of her relaxing in his presence and rather visibly admiring him.

She scoffed, nudging his side with her elbow.

“Your ascension’s not significant enough?”

The smile shifted again, becoming more pensive. “You would think it the most important thing, but no.” Astarion leaned down a little, just enough so that his breaths ghosted over the shell of her ear, making her shiver. He liked that, liked her responding to him in such a reflexive manner - as if she still couldn’t help how she felt for him, despite everything that had happened.

Astarion pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “This. This is what’s important.”

He let go of her waist, moving in front of her, blocking her view of Baldur’s Gate in an attempt to get her to focus on his words. The thought of what this day represented made his eyes go impossibly soft, a little guilt seeping into his voice.

“It’s also been a year since I turned you, you know?”

Ban considered that for a moment. A year since she’d technically died, reborn into this unlife in her lover’s arms. A decision that could have honestly gone horribly wrong - and for a while, it had.

Did she resent him for it? A question without any real answers. It should probably be a resounding yes, given the turbulent times that had come afterwards, but the truth was that she didn’t regret anything, because it all led to being in this moment with him.

“Do you ever regret that? Turning me?” she asked, waiting as he searched for a response, his face unreadable.

Astarion had expected the question; after all, he was the one who brought up changing her. That didn’t mean he’d actually prepared a good response, though.

“Don’t be upset,” he began, “but no, not really.”

His eyes immediately locked onto her face, searching for signs of her withdrawing into herself. It had become a reflex for him to do so whenever he said something risky. He figured if she wouldn’t talk, he could explain the moment he noticed her beginning to retreat.

Ban didn’t, thankfully. Instead she crossed her arms over her chest - not the best reaction, but neither was it the worst.

They obviously had the same answer about her being turned, she thought, but there was still the rather interesting question of why he felt that way.

“Because I would have aged, and why would the Ascendant want to be with some old crone, huh?” She tried to keep it light, smirking.

Astarion shook his head. “Because I don’t want to lose you to something as pedestrian as time.” That much was true. The idea of losing her was already inconceivable to him, but especially to something as avoidable as age? Something he could easily remedy with a bite?

He offered her a hand, which she took; he pressed hers against his chest. “I want you here, with me, forever. And turning you was essential to that, as… as unsavory as it is to think that I may have pressured you into it.” The other hand wrapped around the small of her back, pulling her closer.

“You did give me a choice,” Ban reminded him, as a gesture of conciliation and comfort; he dipped his head in acknowledgment of this grace.

“There was, of course, a degree of selfishness there, too.” He didn’t elaborate; they both knew that possessiveness had taken him over, made him keep her inside the Palace for months. That possessiveness had been born of fear and hurt and anger, but had damaged them nevertheless.

“I don’t really want to talk about it, Astarion,” she replied quickly. She wasn’t hiding; but she wanted tonight not to be about the darkest parts of their past. “We’ve said everything that needs to be said on the matter.”

He bit his lip. “I merely wanted you to know I haven’t forgotten.” That he kept what he’d done in mind; that he was trying, even if things seemed well enough now. His eyes tried to convey what he’d been denied the chance to say; they were round and pleading, asking for her understanding.

Ban’s eyes softened as she saw the earnestness in his. “I know. But I don’t really want nor need you to remind me just how much of an arse you were. Trust me, I remember plenty.”

Embarrassed, Astarion laughed, conceding the point. He took the moment to retreat to safer waters; it had begun feeling a little too charged for a casual conversation with his wife.

“Fine, darling. Whatever you wish, even if it’s deluding yourself into thinking I’m not that person anymore.”

“Oh, I know you’re still just as horrible as you were back then,” she teased back, “To others, at least.”

He made an affronted noise and opened his mouth to retort, but Ban shushed him, brooking no argument.

“Don’t you remember this afternoon?” She smirked.

Fingers snapping, he stalked through the ballroom.

“Where’s the food? Did we not schedule it to arrive by highsun?”

The head caterer approached him, swallowing past a lump in her throat.

“My lord, it’s just been delayed a few hours. We didn’t have the time to prepare, with such short notice and-”

“Short notice?” He glared down at her, daring her to interrupt. “You’re saying it’s my wife’s fault? We paid exorbitant amounts of coin with the expectation of exceptional service, and that includes being on time - regardless of when we put the order in.”

With a wave of his hand, he dismissed her. “Now run along and get the hors d'oeuvres in, lest I change my mind about hiring you lot.”

“To be completely fair, darling,” Astarion said, “I was doing it to defend your honor.”

The mirth was still there, the slight tease in his voice that protested but I did it for you! - obviously not his only reason, but he’d run it into the ground if he could get away with it.

“Sure you were,” Ban responded, amused. “I have to admit it’s rather adorable of you, though.”

Astarion scoffed, but did not object.

Instead he stilled, allowing the quiet to stretch between them. They gazed at one another, savoring the feel of the other’s presence as they reveled in their mutual affection.

Astarion eventually broke the silence.

“I may have something for you tonight. An idea.” He was nervous, part of him already reconsidering bringing it up. “You needn’t say yes.”

Ban tilted her head at him, curious. “If it’s another gift from Halsin, Astarion-”

“No!” He said, a tad too quickly, a little offended she thought he’d accept more advice from the druid on sex. On any damn topic, really.

“Well- I mean- it kind of is? Not a gift from Halsin, but it’s within the general vicinity of that topic.” Astarion cleared his throat. “To be clear, I mean sex.”

“Spill it,” she said, her eyes crinkling as she tried to hold back a laugh. It was only lately that Astarion had felt comfortable enough to be visibly flustered around her again, instead of being, well, angry, and she cherished each instance of it.

Astarion drew himself up, squaring his shoulders, trying his best to regain his composure and seem unconcerned. He shifted gears, deciding to play the rake again. If nothing else, it would at least make her laugh.

“I was just thinking. You’ve been so wonderful to me, so willing to try out delightful new experiences.”

He smirked; eyes dropping into that half-lidded gaze that had stolen the hearts of countless people, but most importantly - had stolen hers. Astarion was still nervous, but he mastered himself and proceeded with his plan.

“It got me thinking about this idea - ceaselessly - and what better time to bring it up than our - I suppose our anniversary? Every wicked turn deserves another, after all. So - when we make love tonight, when it’s just you and me… would you be willing to let me lead?” he purred. There was a hint of mischief in his gaze, but there was also trepidation - they both knew exactly what had happened in the past, and how those previous instances of Astarion taking charge within the bedroom could have affected Ban.

He wasn’t doing this as repayment for trying out new things with him, especially as he knew she was likely to decline. Instead, he offered it as a way for him to demonstrate progress: a subtle plea for her to surrender herself to him and trust him, the way he had done for her.

All that, and a little bit of fun, of course.

Ban couldn’t help her body’s reflexive response, stiffening. The request wasn’t something she’d expected to hear in her near future, perhaps even at all, ever again, and she immediately felt the instinct to hide - for a moment, she allowed it to rule her, lifting her hand from his chest. Astarion, ever vigilant when it came to her, noticed immediately.

“Love, no,” he urged, his demeanor quickly shifting to one of concern. He was already regretting running his stupid mouth without thinking through all of her possible responses. “We do not have to. Don’t ever have to, if that is what you want.”

He felt her hand pulling further away. “Don’t. Don’t do that.”

He felt himself becoming more anxious, unsure how to defuse the situation before she could withdraw even more. Frantic, he spoke the only word that could.

“Please.”

Relax. Ban forced her hand to stop, allowing Astarion to gently press it back down against his heart; she felt it hammering beneath her palm. She wanted to comfort him; she also wanted to give him an answer that was genuine.

She mulled over his request. He kept his eyes on her; the picture of patience, although he wished to be anything but.

“I can try,” she ventured. She wasn’t completely sure she could handle it, but she couldn’t deny that there was an appeal in having Astarion dominate her again.

It had been good, once upon a time, back in the Shadow-Cursed lands. She remembered when they’d still been exploring each other’s bodies, what the other wanted and enjoyed, without sex itself. Astarion had intuited that she did, in fact, like having him in control. For someone like him, who’d had none of that for so long, it had been an exhilarating discovery.

And then, of course, Ban thought, the rite had come along.

Astarion recoiled at her response, mistaking her calmness for reluctant acquiescence.

“If you’re doing it for my sake, there’s no point. I’m not - of all people, love, I won’t do that to you. I merely asked because I know you did like it, before it all turned to shit.”

No. Don’t think I want to force you. Please.

The idea that she might be going along just for his sake made him physically ill.

Ban bit the inside of her cheek, dropping her hand. She leaned into him, resting her head on his chest to close the small gap that remained between them; a gesture of comfort and reassurance. His response was automatic, the arm around her tightening. He kissed the top of her head.

She gathered her courage. It still took effort, to fight back against the unnecessary voice in her head that screamed run, hide - but it got easier by the day; he made it easier.

With his soft words, with his candor. With a forbearance she had never before known to exist in him. With his love.

“Can you tell me, Astarion, exactly why you ask this of me?” Ban mumbled into his embroidered jacket.

A soft chuckle broke free of him, as fear was replaced with elation and relief. Yes, she’s working with me!

“You allow me to show you how much I trust you, when we… when you take charge of me,” he said, the bravado and seductive act discarded for now. “I had hoped you would afford me a similar level of trust.”

There was a small hint of hurt in his words; he made no effort to conceal it.

“However, you do not have to. You never have to. It was just a suggestion; you can forget I ever said anything.”

Ban considered it. It would be helpful, an opportunity for her to display her renewed faith in him. She closed her eyes, exhaling; his hands moved to her back, tracing comforting circles between her shoulder blades. Astarion rocked her gently, as though they were dancing to some tune only they could hear.

Sheltered in his arms, the answer felt easier to arrive at. “I think we can try,” she repeated, “I can use the same word we used to, if it gets to be too much.”

Astarion smiled, relief and gratitude suffusing him. “Thank you, Ban. Truly.”

He hesitated. “There is… another thing, if you’ll indulge me once more.” Another pause, longer this time. “Rhapsody.”

“What about it?” She’d known that he’d often spent time gazing at it after she’d left him. She’d never bothered to ask why, she’d assumed it had to do with the rite, and hadn’t wanted to pry.

“Would you mind if we brought it to bed with us?” The words came out in a rush, almost stammered.

She raised an eyebrow. “What? Why?”

Visions flashed through her mind - of Rhapsody, protruding from his heart, his blood staining his shirt, all over her hands, as she carried his barely-conscious body out of Vel’s manor. Her breathing picked up and she felt cold all over. Why isn’t leading enough for now? she wondered.

“The dagger played a role in numerous moments of my life - moments that altered the course of my fate. None of them have ever been good.”

“Then why bring it into our bedroom?” She crossed her arms, bringing her breathing under control with effort. “Look. I had to watch that thing almost end you. That’s not something I’m itching to relive.”

“For precisely that reason. It is a weapon steeped in painful memories, memories I’d very much like to write over. I want… to see it in your hands whilst I’m inside you, to keep that image in mind instead of… everything else. And what better time to do it than on this night, an anniversary of sorts?”

Ban sighed, exhaling through her nose. “Is that why you used to go stare at it? To remember?”

Astarion’s eyes flicked to her, uncertain. “Indeed. I have made effort to make peace with my past, and Rhapsody feels like the one piece of it that remains unchanged. We’ve rebuilt this palace; almost nothing tangible remains of that time of my life, other than that blade.”

“And so you think this would… finally remake it?”

“Redefine it,” Astarion corrected. “Making new, out of the old.”

Ban considered it. Rebirth, in a sense, just as tonight was also a rebirth of sorts, recontextualizing his ascension and her turning from something she regretted into something they could celebrate. It wasn’t a horribly unpleasant concept, in any case, and she figured if it was too much, they could stop.

“One condition - the blade is not touching you. I don’t want to draw blood. And once you have the image you want, we stop using it.”

He nodded. “That’s perfectly fine by me. Thank you, for considering this, and for allowing me to take the reins once more.” He paused, a thoughtful look crossing his face.

“I do think taking the lead would also help me, darling,” he added. He vacillated between revealing an even deeper truth and leaving it at what he’d just said.

He decided to err on the side of openness. “It would help me determine whether my own faith in myself is warranted.” If he’d truly improved and become someone worthy of her.

Ban sighed, but didn't look up from where she’d buried her face in his chest. She found it easier to speak this way at times, not meeting those crimson eyes and that too-handsome face.

“I have faith in you. Not completely - but enough for this,” she said softly, “I know, however, that saying it is one thing, and doing it is another. I’m not afraid - not really. It’s just that old, instinctive-”

She waved her hand, trying to signify that it was a frivolous thing; something she could easily cast aside. A small mistruth, one she was willing to offer to further smooth over the wrinkles of their relationship.

He wouldn’t allow that. “Your old fears - ones that I caused. I am aware, much as you like to pretend I’m not.”

Ban tried again. “Well, they’re not-”

“An issue?” Astarion shook his head. “They are, Ban. I watch for them, attempt to catch them before they sink their claws in, fight them off with whatever honesty my wretched heart allows me to express.”

“I don’t begrudge you this, nor for having these fears in the first place, but don’t discount them. Not when I work as hard as I do to dispel them.” He felt a little piqued, a little insulted she thought he didn't notice, that she didn’t see how hard he worked to spot them, assuage them.

“Just- just let me have tonight, in spite of them. Let me win against them for once.”

Astarion gazed down at her. She looked so small, wrapped around him like this, and it made him wish for nothing more than to hold her forever.

Ban was pensive. Astarion had never been one to be so open about their struggles; that had been a recent development. This sudden burst of frankness threw her off-balance, but in a good way. His candor yet again made it easier for her to dismiss the very fears they were both fighting.

“I mean, I already did say yes, Astarion,” she teased, but immediately backtracked when she saw he wasn’t in the right mood for banter.

“But I’ll repeat it. I do trust you enough, and I definitely love you enough, to try.”

Astarion tried to remain stoic, stewing in his own melancholy. Elation won out, however. He broke into a rather giddy, unguarded grin, squeezing her tightly in a hug.

“I-” His voice cracked. He cleared his throat, then slipped back into the seductive act, although it came off more playful than anything else.

“I’ll make sure tonight will be one you won’t forget.”

They danced in the middle of the crowd. They made a striking, if slightly mismatched pair - her dress was simple, his suit ornate. Where he was pale and silver-haired, she was golden and dark. He was long and lithe, she was small and muscular. And yet, they were so obviously in love, so in tune with one another as they glided across the dance floor, that their differences only heightened their allure for all who observed.

While Astarion had previously encouraged her to pick more lavish outfits, he had been leaving her clothing choices to her since they’d reconciled. He now realized he should have done so long ago. The dress clung to her perfect body and it made his cock stir pleasantly. He tried to tamp down the wave of arousal, knowing they would have all night. He spun her around elegantly, catching her at the end of the turn.

“Are you enjoying yourself, love?”

Parties had not been something she had enjoyed in the past; she was often relegated to being a piece of décor, hanging on his arm when needed and dismissed when not. Ushering guests around, then standing by the door to bid them farewell at the end.

Ban cast a sweeping glance across the ballroom, taking it all in. Not much had changed; it was still the same sort of vapid, soulless event these types of parties had always been. But tonight was better because of Astarion - he hadn’t left her side tonight, and had kept her involved in every conversation. A far cry from how they used to operate.

“I could take it or leave it, I suppose,” Ban answered playfully, as he pulled her tight against him. The music swelled and he leaned in; she smirked, expecting some snarky response.

The playfulness dissolved as the heat of his lips pressed against her own. He pressed her flush against his body; his hips ground against her muscled thigh.

She had to bite back a moan; his hands on her back were insistent, his hips impatient, as if he couldn’t wait to ravage her; whether that was true or manufactured didn’t matter to her right now.

“I needed a little taste,” he whispered as their lips parted. His eyes gleamed with need, an almost predatory look in them. Ban hadn’t seen that look in so long, and a small sense of trepidation crept over her at the sight of it. However, a much larger part of her felt anticipation. Heat began pooling between her legs.

Astarion’s hips were mid-grind when he noticed the arousal in her gaze. Between that and the way she pressed even closer to him, he was confident his tactics weren't unwelcome. But there was still a niggling what if in his mind, the habit honed to near paranoia by his constant need to be vigilant with regards to her emotions. He wanted to be sure; to check in anyway.

“Was that alright, love?”

He wanted to begin laying down the playful, teasing banter, to set the mood, but… not without Ban’s express approval.

She responded with a small nod. The gaze that met his was sultry. Coy - not attempting to wrest control from him, but full of lust. His excitement escalated and he felt himself hardening. He shifted his legs to readjust the fabric of his trousers and slid a hand down to her ass, giving it a squeeze. She raised her eyebrows in amusement and he grinned, delighted in the response he’d received.

“It was acceptable, my lord,” Ban said demurely, the old sobriquet slipping from her lips with ease. Long unused, she felt confident enough to use it tonight and trusted him not to take it too far. She was aiming for unconcerned, but entirely missed the mark, coming across as more eager than anything. She silently cursed herself when Astarion smirked knowingly.

That eagerness went straight to Astarion’s cock, and he let out a breathy groan.

“Then I’m sure you’ll positively love what I have in store for you later,” he murmured. He gave her another quick kiss, another quick squeeze on her ass that she tried and failed to slap away, then Ban disengaged, chuckling.

Minx, he thought, shaking his head. It was mind-boggling how easily she could bring him to his knees.

“You’ll have to wait, Astarion,” she whispered as the dance ended and she pulled away, taking two steps back. “Go mingle, now. I’ll check on the catering.”

With that, she disappeared into the crowd, leaving him alone, but happier than he’d been in a while. And with a decidedly rock-hard cock.

He watched his wife fade from view, then went to talk to his guests, more confident and more present than they’d ever seen him before, in this first tumultuous year as the Ascendant.

[iliterallydecepticanteven]

Sorry if that's a dumb question but what is actually going on with milk in America right now?

Like, many years ago I heard that raw milk is basically so good and healthy and all but it wasn't really a big thing at the time. (I can tell by your post tho that that might have been misinformation back then already.)

Now it seems like milk was made political because certain groups just kinda... claimed raw milk as theirs?

I am so confused. I am genuinely from a place where milk is not that political (it is a bit but not to THAT extent) and I am just confused about what's going on.

Especially because I did NOT get my information from groups with a certain mindest politics-wise. Or let's just say it how it is. It seems to me like right-wingers are just fucking claiming milk and it fucks me up so much because how is milk even related to politics in the slightest?

Again, sorry if this is a dumb question and kind of a rant but right-wingers and anti-science people infuriate and confuse me. I am confused.

(Also I don't know what's wrong with raw milk but that might be because it's not a big deal in my country anyway. Never seen raw milk for sale anywhere. I wouldn't be surprised if it's banned entirely tbh.

Alright, buckle up because this is gonna a long answer.

For some background, food has always been tied to politics in America whether people realize it or not. The most recent popularity of raw milk in America being associated with right wing politics and conservatives has its ties in conspiracies that the government is "poisoning" us by "tampering" with our food. Additionally, it can be tied back to the libertarian ideas of having absolutely no government involvement in anything ever including food safety. This is the same thought process behind the whole bullshit of "if you can't pronounce an ingredient then it must be bad for you" as if that makes any fucking sense.

A bunch of bullshit studies that were disproven claimed that raw milk contained more vitamins and minerals and enzymes that were destroyed when milk was pastureuzed, making the milk less nutritional. This is of course bullshit as the only difference between raw milk and safe not raw milk is that it gets pastureuzed. Pastureuzing milk is simply the process of heating milk to just below boiling for a period of time to kill bacteria, viruses, and any other pathogens in the milk. You can even pasteurize milk in your home on your stove top!

But it's become a major talking point and a way for conservatives to make themselves feel important and different, by going against policies in place to make them safe, and to "stick it to the man," so to speak. Conservative and right-wing rhetoric is dependent on being right all the time even when they're very obviously not. It's also very anti-science as, if something cannot be easily explained or is considered a waste of time or money, regardless of how vitally important that thing is, it is cast aside and deemed useless.

Now you mentioned America so I assume you're not from here and this where this gets messy. Because unlike other countries, America often allows states to make their own individual laws on certain issues. For example, regardless of where you are in America, you cannot have an alcoholic drink or purchase alcohol unless you are 21 years or older, as this is a federal law and not a state law. But for selling raw milk, that is a state law, which means all 50 states can make their own decisions on whether or not to allow the sale of raw milk. South Carolina allows the sale of raw milk but it's neighboring state of Georgia does not. To further complicate things, some states don't allow raw milk to be sold in stores but it can be sold on farms.

Finally, the main problem with raw milk is that it is full of (and I'm not joking when I say this) shit. Cows are not clean animals, and while modern milking practices do require that their udders be cleaned with antiseptic prior to milking, it doesn't get rid of everything. Pasteurization is a life saving process to ensure safety when consuming milk as heating it kills off common bacteria that may be present due to contamination from the cow's udders being dirty as well as bacteria that may be in the cow's body and perfectly fine for the cow but would absolutely wreck a human body. The most common bacteria include salmonella, e. coli, and listeria, all of which would make someone incredibly sick and possibly even hospitalize or kill them. The good thing is that those bacteria and other bacteria, viruses, and microbes present in raw milk that could harm humans all die at around 165°F/74°C, and pasteurization heats milk to 182°F/83°C, killing off those microbes and making the milk safe to consume.

So, in short, right-wingers and conservatives are using raw milk as their new anti-government anti-science talking point, just like did with the COVID vaccine, and like they did regular vaccines before that. Don't drink raw milk because best case scenario you'll get sick and worst case scenario you'll die. Also, as a bonus, here is my favorite instance of fuck around and find out from a state legalizing the sale of raw milk:

Basically this guy pushed for raw milk to be legalized in West Virginia and when it was he drank a bunch of it in celebration and a few hours later they found him sick as hell on the couch in his office. It still makes me laugh whenever I see it lol

[probablyasocialecologist]

Vargas is among farmers in Mexico who’ve been holding on to heirloom strains for generations, against a flood of industrially produced white corn. They’re finding a niche but increasing market among consumers seeking organic produce from small-scale growers and chefs worldwide who want to elevate or simply provide an authentic take on tortillas, tostadas and other corn-based pillars of Mexican food. Corn is the most fundamental ingredient of Mexican cuisine, and it’s never far from the national conversation. Amid President Andrés Manuel López Obrador’s move to ban the importation of genetically modified corn and his imposition of a 50% tariff on imported white corn, some scientists, chefs and others are advocating for the value of the old varieties in an increasingly drought-stricken world. Heirloom varieties make up far less than 1% of total domestic corn production in Mexico. But for the first time in years, Vargas and others are hopeful about the crop. Some in the academic and public sectors hope to increase its production.

[...]

Across Mexico, about 60,000 tons of heirloom corn is produced annually. It’s a tiny fraction of the 23 million tons of white corn grown on an industrial scale to meet domestic demand for human consumption and the 16.5 million tons of yellow corn that Mexico imported last year — mostly from the U.S. — for industrial and animal feed use.

[mysteriousdoll]

I admit I have been stalking your page for a put 30 minutes AND OMG YOUR WORK IS SO COOL I LOVE IT SO MUCH AND I LOVE ALL YOUR ART AND HEADCANONS OMG-

Anyway, I was reading the HCs you and somebody else came up with and I have one but I'm not 100% sure on it. Like my mind is debating it intensely.

In ishimondo which one can cook?

THIS IS A KIND OF LONG ONE SORRY-

My thought:

. Due to official art they can both cook?

. Or one is teaching the other to cook?

. Mondo seems like the guy who can't cook (just based on appearance tbh) but with his backstory he's had to fend for himself, so can he cook???

. And with Ishimaru, he seems like the person who knows how to cook, and maybe his father is out so often that he's self taught?

. But on the other hand he's spent all his time studying he hasnt taught himself those kind of skills.. sure he can make two minute noodles, or cook an egg or make some toast. But nothing fancy?

. Or maybe breakfast is the most important meal of the day to him?!?!?! Maybe it's in his routine to cook every morning?!?! Maybe he makes food for his father when he comes home from late shifts, or has bacon and egg on Sundays???

. Or he's terrible in the kitchen, and mondo taught him.

Can they both cook? Have you ever thought about this?! Sorry for the long ramble of options but I've thought about this for a week and have no idea.😭

Uhm yeah I'm going to put this on anon in case it's silly or something, but you probably know who I am based on the notes and notifications and stuff👍

Also idk if shadow banning works on tumblr like it does tiktok but if you want me to stop spam liking your posts I will, I just love your content 😭

One: screaming rn I feel so happy I’ve never had my posts stalked /pos (except for my Ben 10 acct which is bad bc I’m making an ishimondo Ben 10 au)

Two: No need to stop!! Idm!! Tbh the thing that makes me happiest is seeing people go wild in the tags, so I’m v honored.

Three: I agree! I think Mondo isn’t the beeest cook, but if it comes to Italian meals (thanks to my own hc’s and my Oowada mom oc), he’s not that bad! Although he has a bad habit of letting things overcook… he’s the type to burn popcorn and insist it’s better that way.

As for Taka, I think he’s actually quite the skilled cook—but only with more basic options. Taka’s very rigid, so if he is able to cook something more extravagant, he’ll follow it by the book, and maybe even ask Teruteru for his input. (Ignoring comments Teruteru makes and Gundham glaring Teruteru down)

The only issue with Taka cooking is��� he forgets to eat a lot. (And thanks to his grandad, he sometimes chooses not to eat because he dare take one extra minute of free time) That, and his food is either bland, or so spicy no one but him can eat it. A hot while back I saw @mickules mention in a post that Taka would be a spice fiend, and I. Live for that.

Also also—regarding system Taka bc I’m always gonna mention system Taka /j, Akira (aka Ishida) is actually an extremely talented baker! They aren’t super big on sweet food ironically, but they can make really good baked goods even with limited ingredients… though they prefer crunchier foods)

Additionally; Mondo can’t fucking make ramen. He just takes someone else’s. Taka can also make insanely good omurice. Proof for Taka bc I can’t find the anthology comic with Mondo:

[warningsine]

The growing trend of children as young as eight using skincare products could leave them with irreversible skin problems, the British Association for Dermatologists has warned.

Some children are asking their parents for luxury items after seeing them used by their favourite influencers on platforms such as YouTube and TikTok.

But many of these contain potentially harmful active ingredients intended for adults only, such as exfoliating acids.

They can provoke allergies or eczema.

Eight-year-old Sadie first saw skincare videos on TikTok, where influencers would talk about "how good they were on the skin".

She was particularly attracted to a product from the company Bubble, which "when you push down, comes up in [the shape of] a flower", she tells BBC News, and US brand Drunk Elephant because "she liked the packaging a lot" and it sold everything from lip balms to moisturisers.

BBC News has also received messages from several parents worried about their child's interest in skincare - and the influence of social media and friends.

With its bright colourful packaging and cartoon-animal logo, Drunk Elephant is one of the brands most frequently featured in adult and child influencers' online skincare content.

But many of its bestsellers, which cost about £60 each, contain exfoliators such as alpha and beta hydroxy acids and vitamin-A derivative retinol.

Skincare content is unrestricted on social media and many daily-routine and get-ready-with-me videos attract millions of views.

One skincare YouTuber has collated several from TikTok, showing children using harmful products.

'Stay away'

Other content creators have visited beauty stores - as workers at Sephora and US-based Ulta say children frequently abuse in-store testers and clear shelves of products as soon as they come into stock.

Drunk Elephant in particular has become so popular founder Tiffany Masterson has had to tell "kids and tweens stay away from our more potent products that include acids and retinols" on social media.

"Their skin does not need these ingredients quite yet," she says.

BBC News has approached Drunk Elephant for further comment.

Fascination with the brand has gone global and seeing her friends had managed to get hold of the products, Sadie "begged" her mother, Lucy, to buy them.

When she refused, realising they were unsuitable, Sadie approached other family members less aware of the potential harm.

But Lucy says the products made Sadie's skin itchy and red - and she had to stop her daughter using them.

"It's really difficult when it's all your child will talk about," Lucy tells BBC News.

"Sadie likes to do [skincare] together with her friends and she feels left out if she's not doing it."

Despite being interested in skincare herself, Lucy had "never heard" of some of the brands Sadie wanted.

Lucy banned Sadie from TikTok, as she was too young for the platform, but many of the content creators she enjoys are still easily accessible on YouTube Shorts.

"Trying to educate her at eight years old about what skincare should be like is really difficult when you've got influencers who she believes more than anyone else," Lucy says.

"She's my youngest child and I didn't think I'd have to worry about her doing skincare and policing skincare at this age.

"It feels like her childhood has now been taken away."

Paediatric dermatologist Dr Tess McPherson says it is important children receive "information, not misinformation" about skincare.

"[A lot of] these are anti-ageing products," she tells BBC News.

"They may be suitable for older skin - they are not suitable for children.

"They can cause irritation to skin whatever age you are - but clearly for younger skin, they can be potentially dangerous or problematic.

"For a child with eczema or sensitive skin, they could cause significant problems.

"And a lot of them will be highly fragrant and they could get contact allergies to some of those products."

Dr McPherson, who represents the British Association of Dermatologists, also worries about the "suggestive packaging", often bright and colourful and therefore attractive to children.

"These products are sold as empowerment but [it] is playing on vulnerabilities," she says.

Parents wanting to address their children's skin concerns should speak to a doctor or dermatologist to "get effective treatments", Dr McPherson adds.

"You don't need to spend lots of money on expensive products and there's no point seeking out perfect skin, which we know doesn't exist".

There are no age restrictions on buying these items in shops or online.

BBC News approached a number of retailers in the UK stocking skincare brands popular with children.

A Boots representative said it was rolling out "additional training" for its 2,500 in-store beauty specialists, which "included specific information for younger customers and their parents".

[rabbitcruiser]

National Homemade Bread Day

Invest in a bread maker or source a sourdough starter on Homemade Bread Day and bake delicious dough at home to meet all your flour and yeast “kneads”.

Sliced bread is undoubtedly a good thing – it saves time, and the effort of kneading. But it’s a real shame that so few people today get to enjoy the taste and yeasty deliciousness that is homemade bread.

And that’s where Home-Made Bread Day cmes in!

History of National Homemade Bread Day

The origins of this particular Day are shrouded in mystery, but the history of bread obviously follows along with the history of humanity itself. Bread has been an important part of diet and culture and has appeared in pretty much every corner of the world in some form or another.

It is estimated that grains and cereals became an important part of the human diet long before bread came along. Bread, itself, is believed to have entered the scene perhaps as long as 10,000 years ago, during the Neolithic period in Europe. Some loaves of bread even from that long ago used the concept of retaining a piece of the previous day’s bread as a ‘starter’ in the fashion of sourdough bread.

In 79 AD, the tragic volcano eruption of Pompeii preserved the city’s ovens so that archeologists would later find them. It was discovered that the people from that time had access to bread that was baked in at least 33 different bakeries.

The invention of the bread-maker has taken a lot of the effort out of baking, meaning that there is no reason why everyone shouldn’t enjoy homemade bread, which is often of much higher quality than the stuff that can be bought in a shop. Home-baked bread is often healthier, higher in fiber, and lower in salt and additives than commercial varieties, and the recipe can be modified to suit the maker’s tastes, with grains, spices, or other additions.

No matter its form, homemade bread is absolutely delicious and deserves to be celebrated on this day!

How to Celebrate National Homemade Bread Day

National Homemade Bread Day is certainly a delicious day to enjoy! Celebrate by baking bread, eating bread, and sharing the day with a loved one. Here are some ideas for getting started:

Enjoy a Slice of Homemade Bread

It might be a full-fledged yeast bread that has been hand-kneaded to perfection, baked, then sliced, and toasted. Or it could be a variety of quick bread, such as biscuits, banana bread, or pumpkin bread. No matter what form it takes, make sure to get out a big knife, slice off a hunk of bread (or tear it off with your hands!), slather it with butter, cream cheese, or another topping, and enjoy its yummy goodness!

Make Homemade Bread

Some people can get a bit intimidated by the idea of making homemade bread. But they should remember that people have been doing this very thing in some form or another, in almost every household under the sun, for thousands of years!

Homemade bread really only requires the most basic of ingredients. A pile of strong flour, a dab of yeast, some oil, and possibly some other minor ingredients such as sugar or salt.

Homemade Bread Recipe

One super easy bread recipe calls for combining 3 ¼ cups of bread flour with 2 teaspoons instant yeast and 2 teaspoons coarse salt. Mix these together with 1 ½ cups of cool water and work with a wooden spoon or by hand until completely moistened.

Cover tightly and let it sit for 2-3 hours until almost doubled in size. Then, let it rest in the refrigerator for 12-72 hours. On a floured surface, shape into two loaves and let rest another 45 minutes. Bake at 475 F oven for 20-25 minutes.

Let it sit for just five minutes and then enjoy a delicious slice fresh out of the oven and slathered with butter!

Learn Fun Facts About Bread

Check out these fun facts related to bread and share them with friends or family members in honor of National Homemade Bread Day:

As a wartime conservation effort, ore-sliced bread was banned in the United States for a time in 1943, in an effort to allow other work to be done. As it turned out, it wasn’t very meaningful or helpful so it didn’t last.

In 2015, a loaf of bread baked at the Milan Expo in Italy was declared the largest in the world by the folks at Guinness World Records. It measured 400 feet long (122 meters) and was baked in a special oven. After baking, it was slathered with Nutella and served to the people at the Expo.

In Ancient Egypt, bread was so vital to the way of life and culture that it was sometimes used as a form of currency. They also were known to place it at the head of the tombs of their dead loved ones so that they would have access to it in their afterlife.

One Scandinavian tradition states that if a boy and a girl eat from the same loaf of bread, they are destined to fall in love with each other.

Buy a Bread Machine

Consider investing in a bread maker to include the vibe of homemade bread into your daily life. For those who aren’t sure if they will really use one, it’s a great idea to borrow a friend’s bread machine to try it out and get an idea of how it works and if it’s a realistic investment for your particular household.

Here are some suggestions for breadmakers on the market today, which might be worth checking out:

Oster Express Bake. For those on a tight budget or who are just trying it out, this is a great low-priced machine that will still provide a good loaf of bread at home. It bakes a 2-pound loaf at a time and offers a 13-hour programmable timer. It can even bake a loaf in under an hour!

Curtis Stone Bread Maker. This model is beloved by folks because of its ease of use. It can also make a 2-pound loaf and has 19 preset programs plus other adjustable settings.

Zojrushi Home Bakery Virtuoso. This higher-end bread maker looks great on the counter with its stainless steel finish. Double kneading blades and rapid courses are just a couple of the many features.

Share National Homemade Bread Day

The essence of this day is best when it is shared with others. Whether baking a loaf and taking it to the office for coworkers to share, taking a bread-baking class with friends, or hanging out with grandma to have her teach you how to bake bread, this is a delightful day to enjoy with others in the community.

Make the celebration even more fun by inviting a friend or family member to join in on the experience of making bread at home. They can help measure, mix and knead, or they can just be good company while waiting for the bread dough to rise! Now it’s time to get baking for Home-Made Bread Day!

Source

[britcision]

Because I can, have some DAI cooking headcanons

Iron Bull: very good at it. He doesn’t cook for the Chargers, but he enjoys it once in a while and he knows how to make plain food taste good, and he’ll compromise on his less local spices for the good of the group

Cassandra: surprisingly skilled. Her uncle made one comment, once that cooking was beneath people of their class. She went straight to the kitchen the next morning and learned everything she could

Leliana: doesn’t do it often, especially these days, but she used to enjoy it and it might be good for her to cook more. She’s good at it and it involves way less life or death

Varric: doesn’t advertise, doesn’t volunteer if someone else speaks up first, but he’s pretty good. Makes plain food taste good, middle of the road tastes that isn’t too much for any palate

Blackwall: actually a little less good than people expect. He can cook on a fire and make it work, but he punishes himself with plain food and he never cooked for anyone else, so he can cook things the way he likes them, and if you don’t like them that way you’re fucked

Solas: excellent cook, this far down the list because he will 1000% over season to spite whoever else is with him, double especially if it’s Dorian or Vivienne. He learned he had a higher spice tolerance and now he only cooks with ghost peppers

Sera: competent cook, got her own recipe in the reference books (it’s for corn), but she can will and does whip out the most random flavour combinations. Some of them work

Cullen: has very expensive tastes and is 1000% incapable of meeting them himself. He knows this though, and will therefore never complain unless he’s paying for a meal and expected better. Has burned water

Josephine: has travelled enough through various stages of her life to understand the importance of buying good supplies and hiring a good cook. Leliana has tried to teach her more than once… Josephine still jokes it’s Leliana’s only failure

Vivienne: used to pride herself on never having needed to learn; has absolutely no idea how the hell ingredients become food, especially because she usually only eats fancy food. Insists on trying to approach cooking as a form of alchemy. It really, really doesn’t work

Dorian: started out very into the “adventure” of eating rations and preserved travel foods. Insists he still is solely to seem better than Vivienne and so he will never be asked to cook and accidentally reveal his secret: he can NEVER successfully tell the sugar from the salt. Underseasons in self defense

Cole: has dangerously flexible ideas as to what counts as food. Banned from cooking or helping cook to prevent loss of life

And our Four Heralds AU beans, just because I know y’all don’t care about them But I Do!

Corin Cadash: the best of the four by a mile. Good grasp of flavours, genuinely enjoys the experience (and distraction from their chronic pain), considers anything done in 20 minutes of effort or less an acceptable depression meal and knows what seasonings need to be cooked to be good and what can be added after to personal taste

Séamus Trevelyan: competent, doesn’t usually burn things, the taste of food is generally at least a little improved by his cooking it. Not fancy, but knows what he’s good at and sticks to it

Tavi Adaar: a little over-flexible on what is considered edible to non-qunari, but nothing worse than a stomach bug. Can break down and butcher a carcass like no other, but not the one you’d ask to cook it

Lluciano Lavellan: knows every single plant on Thedas, where it comes from, how to grow it, and every single use for it. Grew up with parents whose idea of cooking was “boil it white”, so if it can be eaten raw without dying he will. Only slowly being convinced that cooking can actually make food taste good. Bites raw onions and potatoes if not stopped

[ink-flavored]

Kinktober2023 Day 11: Blood Kink

banner art by @/auroblaze

Fountain of Life contains: masturbation, fingering, finger sucking, masochism, cis/trans, angel/demon dysphoria warning: Pride is a trans man whose genitals are described with the following terms: folds, clit. Please use discretion if these words will trigger any dysphoria. Kinktober2023 Prompt List & Neocities Page Tips are appreciated!

Justice expertly julienned another carrot, metal of the blade flashing in his hand. He scraped the thinly sliced vegetables into a bowl, grabbed another whole carrot, and sliced it in half to begin again. Watching him from across the counter, close enough to reach out and touch, Pride sighed wistfully.

Even though he was banned from making meals for both of them, he made the effort to hover around while Justice cooked. Whether that meant gathering ingredients, giving unwanted advice, or simply standing around so Justice would have to acknowledge him at some point, Pride was there. He’d be eating half this dish, after all, so frankly he should be allowed to give some input!

Opposed to throwing together whatever happened to be in the fridge and hoping it was edible, Justice followed recipes to the letter. He kept the cookbook open on the counter even if he’d made the dish a hundred times, moving with practiced efficiency. Most of the time, Pride was distracted watching him work—especially when he got out the knives.

He couldn’t help himself, really. Justice was able to cut things quickly into evenly shaped chunks, and he made it look easy. Vegetable chopping prowess wasn’t the reason Pride had to stop and stare, though. Justice had a control, rarely utilized, that made him want to claw the walls. The way he gripped the handle, the confidence of putting his hand so close to the knife, how he slid his fingers down the flat of the blade to nudge any extras off. Pride swallowed hard.

“Are you going to help,” Justice asked, “or stand there?”

“Stand here,” he replied.

Justice glanced up from his carrots to eye him disapprovingly. Pride smiled back. Nothing would change his mind: watching Justice handle a knife was the most important thing he could be doing in the world.

“How many of these do you need?” Pride asked.

“This is the last one,” Justice said, “but then I have to dice the tomatoes.”

“Cool…”

He slid the first julienned half of the carrot into the bowl and grabbed the second. “You’re entertained by the strangest things.”

“Sure, ‘entertained.’”

“What would you call it, then?”

Pride tapped his cheek, pretending to think. “I guess I’d call it being ‘deeply aroused’ by—”

“Argh!”

The knife fell with a clatter onto the cutting board. Justice jumped back, clutching his fingers. Golden ichor stained the blade, along with the few slices of carrot he’d managed to chop.

“What happened?” Pride asked.

“Cut myself.” Justice rushed to the sink. “Can you get rid of those, please?”

“Sure, yeah.”

Pride reached across the counter and scooped up the sullied carrots. The ichor glimmered with power, radiating beauty. This was an angel’s blood—Justice’s blood. The inside of him was as bright as the outside, so pure his veins ran gold. Pride couldn’t bring himself to throw it away.

The ichor slid down the sides of thinly sliced carrots, threatening to drip onto the counter. Not thinking at all, he stuck them in his mouth.

It burned. As if he’d taken a bite of the sun itself, his mouth burned, rejecting the holy substance between his teeth. Down to his fundamental essence, his body revolted against it, setting every nerve on fire in an effort to get him to stop.

Pride didn’t stop. Through the pain, he admired the taste of the ichor—the taste of Justice. Somehow, it tasted like comfort. It was a warm hug. It was peace, one of the building-blocks of eternal rest. Heaven. It seared his tongue and gave him hope. Pride didn’t know what to do other than suck on them a little to—

“What are you doing?”

Pride jerked up. Completely baffled, Justice gawked from the sink. He clutched a paper towel around his sliced fingers, gold bleeding through the thin material.

“Getting rid of ‘em,” Pride answered, muffled by the carrots still in his mouth,

“I meant throw them in the trash,” Justice said. “Not eat them.”

“Too late now.”

Pride chomped down on the reject carrots, and Justice cringed the whole time. The ichor burned all the way down, fire racing down his throat. He shivered.

“Are you… okay?” Justice asked.

“You’re one who’s bleeding.”

“And I felt your pain. That’s technically a holy substance, Pride, do you need—”

“I’m fine.” It wasn’t a lie, he felt more than fine. “It’s okay, I—I liked it.”

Too shocked to reply, Justice sputtered at him, but he wasn’t paying attention. Pride circled the counter, came up to him, and took his hands.

“Can I,” he asked, “see it, for a minute?”

“See this?” Justice confirmed, raising his injured hand.

Pride nodded, swallowing thickly. He must have looked as desperate as he felt, because Justice unwrapped his hand and held it out for him. Two cuts, one on his index and middle finger, gushed shimmering gold ichor. It smeared over his skin, fingers slightly curled. He almost whined.

“Pride?” Justice asked, voice softening.

“Don’t—Don’t fuckin’ judge me for this,” Pride breathed. He picked up the hand and pointed the fingers towards his mouth. “C-can I…?”

It was clear in his eyes that he didn’t understand why, but Justice nodded. Pathetically grateful, Pride slid his fingers onto his tongue.

The ichor burned, but this time he moaned. It scorched his gums and made his teeth rattle, but the gentle aftertaste made all the pain worth it. Pride lapped up more, aching for the fiery calm. Dizzy from pain and pleasure alike, he shoved a hand down his pants, pushing past his wet folds to rub his clit.

“O-oh, okay,” Justice said, standing there with a dirty paper towel and an addled expression.

“Msorry,” Pride mumbled, between his whimpers. He didn’t know why he apologized. The comforting flavor of the ichor made him weak.

“No, no, if this is what you need, I’ll—I guess I’m already helping.”

Pride laughed around his hand, and moaned when Justice stroked his tongue. He sucked more ichor out of the tiny wounds, and Justice let him, the cause of both his aches. Already, his mouth felt raw, burned over and over. He didn’t stop, didn’t even think about stopping, sucking and licking and rubbing himself in frantic circles.

As much as he loved it, Pride hated it too. If the ichor had been painful and nothing else, he might have been able to salvage some dignity, but the softness was what brought him back. The tenderness wrapped around his chest and squeezed him tight, until he wanted to explode. Such a holy thing wasn’t meant for him, and he knew it. That was why he couldn’t get enough.

Justice stroked the inside of his mouth, bleeding all over it, and he nearly sobbed. The ichor coated his tongue, his teeth, his throat, setting it all on fire then kissing him with blessings he didn’t deserve. Pride bucked into his own hand, too overwhelmed to keep an even pace. His head spun with countless emotions, and then he really did sob, a single tear racing down his cheek.

“Oh, Pride, no,” Justice murmured, kissing his forehead. “I’m here, I’m right here.”

Pride keened for him, taking his fingers as far back as he could. He knew Justice was here for him, protected him, loved him, bled for him, and every mechanism of creation said he wasn’t supposed to. Pride was never meant to taste divinity again, so thoroughly barred from forgiveness that anything holy burned him alive. But Justice gave him anything and everything he could, just because he wanted it. Pride choked and whined and sucked and fucked his hand, because he knew this was the best he’d ever have. Sucking the blood out of an angel was as close to Heaven as he’d ever get again.

Seeing his dissolved state, Justice reached down to help in a second way. He joined Pride’s hand against his clit, rubbing him firmly. He moaned so loud, so needy, not even the fingers in his mouth could muffle it. The burn of the ichor faded in the face of it, replaced by a hot bliss. Pride jerked his hips against them both, racing closer to his finish every second. All he could taste was fire, all he could do was want it, all he could see was Justice, watching him with fond eyes.

“Love you,” Pride mumbled through his hand.

“I love you too,” Justice said. He still didn’t know what was happening, Pride could tell, but that didn’t matter. Justice loved him.

His orgasm didn’t happen at once. Instead, it washed over him like a wave. Pride arched against the counter, whimpering softly, and Justice guided him through it. He stroked his clit until the very end, when Pride went limp, and dropped his mouth. Justice took his fingers back, slimy with saliva.

“Well, I’m not bleeding anymore,” he announced.

Pride managed a dizzy laugh, mouth stinging. He slouched against the counter, staring off into space, for minutes.

At some point, Justice brought him a glass of water. “Go rest,” he said. “I’ll come get you when dinner’s ready.”

“’Kay,” Pride mumbled.

He waddled out of the kitchen, and collapsed on the couch. Later, they ate there together, and Justice had two small bandages around his fingers.

[thescrumblingmidwife]

Are charcoal pads actually safe? They seem like the kind of thing to be revealed to be detrimental in like 40 years. My favorite brand just started using charcoal and I don’t know how to feel about it.

Hi Anon,

Not gonna lie, I had to do some digging for this one. I know putting charcoal in everything is very *in* right now, and it's usually unregulated and sometimes potentially problematic (for instance, don't ingest charcoal if you take any medications! It interferes with the absorption of medications). But I had never heard of charcoal pads, so thanks for bringing it to my attention.

MENSTRUAL PRODUCT SAFETY

Menstrual products are regulated by the FDA (Food and Drug Administration) as medical devices. The FDA does not require manufacturers to label ingredients, nor do they ban the use of known harmful products, and there is no safety standard that needs to be met. The labels "organic" and "all natural" are advertising and not statement of fact. Testing that has been done to check for harmful products has been done by watchdog agencies and independent researchers.

Here's a good rundown:

What is known is that a lot of menstrual products do contain harsh chemicals that are better avoided. Most fall below the threshold of increasing cancer and non-cancer health risks, but a few chemicals to be on the lookout for are benzene, n-heptane and 1,4-dioxane. (Lin et al., 2020), as these can increase cancer risk. Chlorine and other chemicals can cause irritation of the vuvla. Also problematic is the use of phthalates, which are endocrine disrupters (can mess with your hormones) (Gao et al., 2020). Another problem is polyfluoroalkyl substances (PFAS), or "forever chemicals," which show up in a lot of products, and never leave your body. The New York Times recently did a testing of 44 products to check for problematic chemicals, and they found that PFAS are present in most products in at least very small amounts, although the lowest levels were found in period underwear and medical-grade silicone inserts.

So, our starting point is that commercially available disposable pads and tampons are already something to be concerned about, because no one in any position of power is doing much to make sure they're safe. They touch mucous membranes, which means there is potential for significant absorption. We can talk in a minute about how to choose the safest products from what's out there.

But let's get back to charcoal!

The purported purpose of the charcoal is to cut down on "period odor," which is not something people around you can detect. This is a case of advertising convincing you there's a problem so they can sell you a solution. The company that manufactures these pads, Kimberly-Clark, does supply ingredient lists and their stated purpose on their website. (It's not clear if this is the entire ingredient list, but it's something.) Interestingly, the function of charcoal is listed only as "A colorant used to color a material." Nothing about odor absorption. The charcoal doesn't come into contact with the vulvar skin or vaginal mucosa, so I don't think the charcoal itself poses much of a risk. I suspect this is more a case of fad-based misleading advertising. Will they harm you? Probably not. Will they do something magical and new? Probably not.

The one upside may be that the use of charcoal in menstrual products reflects manufacturer's response to the market demanding products with more "natural" ingredients and fewer harsh chemicals. But this is something that should be tested.

Yikes, that was a lot.

SO WHAT'S SAFE?

It's important to note that none of the chemical levels in any of these products are so bad that you're going to get cancer from wearing a single pad. The most common risk is vulvar irritation from harsh chemicals. The scariest (but rarer) risk is cumulative exposure over a long period of time for a marginally increased risk of some health issues.

But here are some tips for picking the safest products for your body:

Use a medical-grade silicone insert/menstrual cup (like a Diva cup).

Use reusable period underwear or pads from a reputable brand, like Thinx, and wash them before you use them.

If using disposable pads or tampons, absolutely avoid any with fragrances.

Use the lowest possible absorbency you need - the higher the absorbency, the more the material has been treated.

Try using disposable incontinence pads instead of menstrual pads, as these had lower rates of PFAS and chemicals.

Although there's no way to guarantee it's truthful, try to stick to brands and products that are generally chlorine-free. cotton-based, etc.

If you experience any irritation, redness, or sensitivity, try a new product!

And for those charcoal pads - they don't strike me as being any worse for you than the rest of the Kotex's fragrance-free lineup. It's not as problematic as swallowing charcoal or rubbing the dentin off your teeth with it. You may be right that in 15 years we'll have realized this was like that time we were putting radium in everything, but I doubt it?

Sources:

Lin, N., Ding, N., Meza-Wilson, E., Manuradha Devasurendra, A., Godwin, C., Kyun Park, S., & Batterman, S. (2020). Volatile organic compounds in feminine hygiene products sold in the US market: A survey of products and health risks. Environment International, 144, 105740. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.envint.2020.105740

Gao, C. J., Wang, F., Shen, H. M., Kannan, K., & Guo, Y. (2020). Feminine hygiene products-A neglected source of phthalate exposure in women. Environmental Science & Technology, 54(2), 930–937. https://doi.org/10.1021/acs.est.9b03927

[reasoningdaily]

ScienceAlert: FDA to Finally Outlaw Soda Ingredient Prohibited Around The World

An ingredient once commonly used in citrus-flavored sodas to keep the tangy taste mixed thoroughly through the beverage could finally be banned for good across the US.

The FDA proposed in November to revoke the registration of a modified vegetable oil known as BVO in the wake of recent toxicology studies that make it difficult to support its ongoing use.

"The proposed action is an example of how the agency monitors emerging evidence and, as needed, conducts scientific research to investigate safety related questions, and takes regulatory action when the science does not support the continued safe use of additives in foods," James Jones, FDA deputy commissioner for human foods, explained when announcing the proposal.

BVO, or brominated vegetable oil, has been used as an emulsifying agent since the 1930s to ensure citrus flavoring agents don't float to the top of sodas. Sticking a dozen bromine atoms to a triglyceride creates a dense oil that floats evenly throughout water when mixed with less dense fats.

Yet that's not BVO's only trick. Animal studies have strongly implied the compound can slowly build up in our fat tissues. With bromine's potential ability to prevent iodine from doing its all-important work inside the thyroid, health authorities around the world have been suspicious of the emulsifier's risks for decades.

In fact, BVO is already banned in many countries, including India, Japan, and nations of the European Union, and was outlawed in the state of California in October 2022 with legislation due to take effect in 2027.

Yet the FDA has been slow to convince. In the 1950s, the agency regarded the ingredient as generally recognized as safe (GRAS); an official classification afforded items that have either been appropriately tested or – for ingredients in common use prior to 1958 – don't appear to be harmful.

That changed the following decade when questions were raised over its possible toxicity, prompting the FDA to overturn its GRAS classification for BVO and temporarily limit its use to relatively small concentrations of no more than 15 parts per million exclusively in citrus-flavored drinks.

Data on the risks posed by even these small amounts of BVO over time hasn't been easy to collect, relying heavily on long-term studies that re-evaluate health effects in a significantly-sized sample of people. Yet the evidence has been slowly mounting.

A UK study in the 1970s found bromine was building up in human tissues, with animal studies linking high concentrations of BVO with heart and behavioral problems.

It's taken time, and a number of further studies, but on the back of more recent animal studies based on relative concentrations of BVO humans are likely to ingest, the FDA is finally convinced there is sufficient evidence to ban its use altogether.

Most major soda drink companies are fortunately ahead of the game. PepsiCo and Coca-Cola Co. have been phasing the ingredient out of their products over the past decade.

"Over the years many beverage makers reformulated their products to replace BVO with an alternative ingredient, and today, few beverages in the US contain BVO," said Jones.

The ban could be a sign of more things to come, with Jones announcing the agency is reviewing regulations that authorize the use of certain food additives, with a view to automatically prohibit the approval of any food coloring agents found to cause cancer in humans or animals, making for a more nimble bureaucratic process.

A final call on the FDA's reclassification of BVO still needs to go through a lengthy review process that will take time to complete.

With suitable alternatives to BVO already being used to make citrus drinks around the world taste tangy down to the very last drop, the ingredient isn't likely to be missed.

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #37 - Twenty-Minute Tuesday #5

Brain Curds are lightly edited flash fiction - practically first drafts - posted daily and sometimes written with the express intention of being terrible… but, you know, in an endearing way. Please enjoy.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to The Frank Program.” Frank took a pull from his vape and blew it out onto the microphone. “You hear that? That’s the sound of freedom. But the government doesn’t want you to have access to Sticky Maple Peanut Butter THC/CBD/NCT/CBT E-Juice! Right, Daryl?”

Daryl nodded. He had patchy burned splotches on his skin.

“That’s right. They’re banning all the good flavors because it ‘encourages children to vape more.’ Ridiculous.” He took another pull from his vape and started coughing. “God damn that tastes delicious. I couldn’t enjoy myself so much if I had to vape that smoke-flavored crap. So that’s why Daryl and me cooked up something special, and I’m happy to share our recipe with ya, America, because that’s what a good radio host does.”

“Podcast…” Daryl said with a small voice.

“Yeah, yeah, ‘podcast host,’ whatever. Same difference. The point is, we got a big cauldron from some kinda forest witch at the Home Depot parking lot, and we loaded it up with ingredients. Make sure you listen close, because if you don’t, you might have some problems.” He glared at Daryl, who cowered on his wooden stool in the corner. “First, get a jar of peanut butter. Smooth kind, not lumpy or crunchy or chunky or what-have-you, just smooth or you’ll clog your atomizer. Put a whole jar in there. Then, a bottle of your finest grade B maple syrup.”

“They don’t have grade B anymore, it’s all grade A with different levels of -”

“Goddamn it, Daryl, you know that don’t make no goddamn sense! There has to be another grade or grades ain’t even a thing!”

“But they changed -”

“Don’t argue with me, boy!” Frank took another puff to relax. “Right, you pour the syrup on in. Next step is you get one of those tea infusers with the metal basket and fill it with tobacco and Mary Jane. Chuck that in too. Next step, a gallon of propylene glycol. And after that, the most important step, which you do not want to get wrong! It’s a gallon of vegetable glycerin. VEGETABLE, Daryl!”

“I thought nitro meant it would go faster.”

“It did go faster, it went faster enough to burn through yer damn left eyebrow, ya idiot!”

“I’m sorry, Pa.”

“Hey man, it’s your fuckup. I don’t care. But to the listeners out there, uh… listening: the recipe is fantastic.” He took one more puff and choked on a chunk of peanut. Between coughs, he managed to say, “this has been… The Frank Program… Thank you for letting me be Frank with you!” He collapsed to the floor, wheezing.

[talonsaga-trash]

The Talon Saga + who can cook

Ember: Was raised in a compound where all of her meals were provided, then in Crescent Beach where her guardians provided dinner and she tended to eat out for lunch. So she can handle breakfast assemblies and operate a toaster, but god forbid she has to do anything with a stove. Can only cook if she has a recipe and is being supervised.

Garret: Actively disliked KP. The rest of the Chapter house probably ALSO disliked Garret-on-KP, because he may or may not be cursed. Burns rice and coffee on the regular, managed to burn pasta more than once, Riley asked him to help with lunch one (1) time and promptly banned him from the kitchen.

Riley: Good at cooking. Unreasonably good at cooking. At some point between going rogue and freeing hatchlings from Talon, he got it in his head that he needs to make sure he can provide for them— especially in the early days when they only had one safe house— and that includes being able to provide warm food. Promptly sped-run learning how to cook, and can now crank out a restaurant-worthy dish if he has enough prep time. He claims it’s therapeutic.

Wes: Also good at cooking, for very similar reasons to Riley, paired with being given a studio apartment and a sizeable stipend when he was sixteen, and deciding might as well learn how to make all of those fancy dishes that my family couldn’t afford when I was younger, since I’m stuck here. Still not excellent at it, doesn’t particularly enjoy it, but he maintains it’s an important life skill to have.

Tristan: He’s good for being in the Order. Being in the Order being the most important part of that statement, because he’s working with whatever ingredients are provided in bulk. Other Western Chapterhouse soldiers love having him on KP because he knows how to keep things from being under- or overdone, and he’s generally good with ingredient ratios, but when it comes to seasoning or anything high brow he’s completely lost.

Dante: Can make depression meals and not much else. Survived off of bagels and lunch meat while in Talon.

Jade: Gives the vibes that she can cook, cannot actually cook. The monks at her temple survived on donations from the townspeople. She, being a dragon, ate primarily meat, which the monks didn’t want in their temple, so she did a lot of hunting and tended to eat whatever she caught raw/dragon-style barbecued. Makes good tea, though.

[ashwings-woah]

on diets:

because of different locations and physiologies, each quiver will have different food sources and ways of eating

coast strikers: living by the coast, their main source of sustenance is obviously sea food. fish, crustaceans, mollusks, sea weed, anything they can get their claws on. on some occasions bigger creatures are hunted like sea serpents, though this is usually done only for festivals, rituals or on lean times and always in groups, since these huge snakes pose a considerable threat to dragons. the only thing never hunted is sharks, as to them these are sacred animals, believed to carry the spirits of the dead to The Depths (the streaker version of heaven basically) and killing them is strictly forbidden, and some say it brings a curse upon one's deceased ancestors. as i said in a previous post, they have a highly developed sense of taste, so making complex foods is a very important cultural aspect in the coast. many dragons from other quivers flock to the markets or even to the Roaring Coast territory itself just to try these fabled dishes. they are usually served raw, but cooking, drying, smoking and pickling is a common way of preparing foods, and salting is useful for winter, since storms and broken ice can make the seas dangerous for even the most experienced swimmers. trade with other quivers for ingredients is their main commercial activity

moor runners: at first glance the grassy plains may not seem to offer much, but runners have learned to make the most out of them. herds of large animals and smaller fauna are hunted or even kept for a steadier source of food. grains, grasses and tubers grown by farmers make up a pretty large part of nutriment here, and bread baking techniques have been rapidly evolving. hunting with wyverns is not only a big tradition, but can make this activity easier and less energy consuming. some wyvern species have also been domesticated and selectively to obtain eggs and meat (though the latter isn't usually reaped). insects are also frequently consumed

swamp lurkers: the bayou-like environment is dangerous, so anything useful is to be appreciated. lurkers are opportunistic, and have developed incredibly strong stomachs, able to eat rotting carcasses and poisonous fauna and flora. many say it's almost impossible to poison a lurker. their main source of food is hunting whatever they can find, but aquatic plant life is more readily available, therefore a frequently consumed foodstuff. fermented drinks are very popular here though, and small quantities of different lurker venoms are added to give them varied –usually recreational– effects, some even medicinal. the bog areas are also used to preserve food for harder times, and sometimes for growing hardy crops too. because of them being more closed off than the other quivers, trade isn't really common here, though not unheard of

lowlanders: vegetation is a huge part of their diet, so they're pretty well known for developing new varieties of vegetables and making savory dishes with them. meat is also consumed but on smaller quantities compared to other quivers, usually coming from livestock such as goats and cows, as well as a few fish from the river flowing in the middle of the valley

highlanders: their diets are almost a complete opposite to their lowland counterparts. high meat consumption, but birds are completely banned from the menu –many would find eating something with such a high resemblance to themselves as uncomfortable, besides birds, especially raptors, being of importance to them as symbols of certain deities or attributes like strength or good luck–. bones are usually discarded by other dragons, but mountain gliders eat them pretty frequently, as both have the bite force (or sharp beaks in the case of highlanders) to get to the marrow inside. because of their mountainous landscape, most of their food is farmed from the lowlands in the valley or sometimes traded from outside. there are running jokes about highland glider food being very flavorless and lame

wood walkers: resources are abundant in the forest, so their diet is varied. meat, roots, mushrooms, bark, seeds, plants and fruits are big staples here. sugary sweets and berry pastries are popular here, but spicy and salty foods are not at all, preferring more earthy and mild flavors. their candies and honey are valuable goods sold to other quivers