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#to ask my parents to order them for me
mothocean · 8 months
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Watching a video essay on equestria girls dolls atm and man i want a trixie doll so badly
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puppyeared · 9 months
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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........
#MOTHER FFFFUCKER#to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants#im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night#at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn#to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS#the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori#but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey#consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick#outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to#animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better#at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH#i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc#im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over#where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands#there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE#ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles#but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your#health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves#also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet#im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to#have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to#to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up#their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ#yapping
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plant-dad-sulu · 4 months
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continuing the saga of Changing My Name And Pronouns Has Turned My Life Into A Bad Sitcom i've been easing the new name into my life not by telling people to change what they call me but by introducing myself to new people with that name and just not correcting previous people who still call me by my first name
this includes the fact that i have registered with a university for my second bachelors degree using my new name and still have not told my parents i use a different name so stay tuned to find out whether they hear about it sometime in the next 4 years or if they get a fun surprise at my graduation
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irl · 11 months
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yea
#txt#i gotta bitch rq cos im pissed sorry guys#i hate tht u dont remember none of the shit u did. i hate tht u make jokes about it even. i hate tht it feels like im always the one#to wear the burden of iron wrought weights so tht u can learn how to mellow out and not do the same to my sister#‘you opened up a lot of doors for your sister’#yea cool im glad u chilled out and didnt also kick my sister out of the house while she was 1200 miles away with nothing but the clothes on#her back. yea cool im glad u didnt threaten disowning when she got a piercing. yea im glad she didnt have to sit thru the ordeal of u when#i first came out to u. im glad she didnt have to have our dead dad used as a damn weapon against her when she told you shes a lesbian#im glad you never sat her down and berated her for being queer for three hours and then sent her to her hole only to send her a long winded#email about how awful she is to you for being queer and how no one will be able to recognize or love her#i still have that email btw#im glad you came to me to ask for help when she was suicidal depressive instead of blaming her and insulting her and making awful#assumptions and insinuations about her#im glad you asked for help for her#but why couldnt you have been a mom to me too#why did i have to teach you all the wrong ways to handle situations so that you could handle them rigjt with her#why did i have to be the one to lockpick all of the doors in order to open them for her#whyd you have to put the locks on there in the first place#why werent you ever a mom to me#why wasnt i allowed to have parents growing up#whyd you have to hurt me since the time before i could make cohesive thought#why werent you a mom for either of us until you realized how heavily you screwed up with me#why did it take you losing me completely for you to start being a mom to my sister?#why did it take you losing me completely for you to finally listen to me instead of talk about why im wrong#im glad to have a mom now#but i couldve used a mom when i was a kid#why do you have to turn it into jokes#and why am i not allowed to be upset
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barbieomoviegeek · 4 months
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i agreed to see a show with my sister but once again she has invited her friends without telling me (one of whom I've never even met) and they already bought the expensive tickets without asking me so now im on the hook to pay like twice as much as i was hoping to pay. like i didn't agree to any of this but now i guess I'm stuck with it !!!!! thanks!!!!!!!!!
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anaalnathrakhs · 6 months
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i keep looking at posts like "i stopped a binge" "i prevented a binge" and all of them are like. "i waited until the urge went away". buddy. the urge doesn't go away. there's no urge. there's just nothing else to do. i don't have anything else to do. every time i stop eating no matter how long i sit with the feeling or not, i always go for more food because there is genuinely nothing else in my life. nothing is enjoyable anymore. the world sucks. no matter what i force myself to do it's the only positive thing i can ever find.
#like okay cool i let the people around me guilt me into eating whatever they think i should be eating#i get it. i'm so fucking stupid for missing out opportunities to try new food. i should never buy the same food twice.#i should always buy all the variety i can and try everything.#i'm so stupid for having eaten the same stuff in a loop for years and years#i'm a massive fucking weirdo for not eating when other people are eating#i keep stealing food from my parents and the people around me i keep taking way too much of stuff intended for a group#nowhere i go will be free of obligations#i have to keep buying my own poison because everywhere i go there's other people's food waiting for me anyway#my parents keep looking at me like a freak no matter if i eat dinner with them or not#they see me binge and nothing happens#we just ignore it#i just eat until Designated Eating Time is finished#hunger doesnt ever have anything to do with it i just eat when food's in front of me#i need the ritual i need the structure it brings to my life#both meals with other people and my ritual binges#i dont know what to do with myself when i'm not binging#and it's like i'm not allowed to not want food#to other people#it's like i must necessarily want all food and anytime i refuse it's restriction#my friends are always like ooooh you can grab some of my fries if you want#or oooooh do you want the rest of my cookie#or ooooooh and how about you are you ordering something#and i'm like :) yeah sure :) like anybody else would :)#and to myself. to myself i don't know. i think i just want to give up. i want to suffer and i want to fuck up so badly.#so badly that no one can deny i need help#i want to be proven right. i'm just a little weakling and all i'm good for is to haunt the halls of a mental hospital.#no responsabilities no pressure nothing but a pitiable suffering victim#i want somebody or something to swoop in and save me#but nobody will come. it's my job to ask for reasonable help from the relevant authorities. and currently they can't offer that care.#so fuck me i guess
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being sick as an adult sucks. wdym my mom won’t just automatically make sure I eat food instead of exclusively drinking Gatorade all day. wdym I have to ask my roommates to make me dinner. I have to Venmo a friend money to buy me more Gatorade?? I can’t focus enough to do homework??? I hate this.
#this is a silly haha humor post but in all seriousness.#COVID rly is just making me stare all the internalized ableism in the eye#yes worth isnt defined by productivity and disability and the idea of being a burden is part of being human and isn’t shameful at all#until I have to minorly inconvenience people to meet my basic needs#I really want to eat dinner but that would require asking my roommates to make me dinner which is just. 5 kinda of mortifying.#even though if someone I knew was sick I would not be upset about making them food! sick people need to eat!#my parents ordered me chipotle yesterday bc they were so concerned bc of how I sounded over the phone#and my friend went out and bought me juice and Gatorade and popsicles and took me to the doctor#the support system Exists I just feel bad about having to use it T-T#I just want to be hugged and read to and reminded to eat food but I am an adult now and not at home#lonely TT-TT#it’ll be okay I’m probably just emotional bc I’m sick and hungry#I also just am struggling so hard because I want to catch up on my classwork Right Now#but I can get through maybe one assignment before I’m too exhausted to keep sitting up#and I have to lay down and close my eyes and sleep or do a light activity like playing candy crush for the fifty bazillionth time#I’ve gotten through like. 100 levels this week.#I’m losing my dang marbles. I am gonna be so behind in ASL Susan is gonna be so disappointed in me#I feel like I have all this energy when I’m laying down bored but as soon as I sit up I feel like I’m floating and about to fall over#so. so tired. why can’t I be healthy already and do homework T-T.#I’m choosing to take this as a lesson to slow down and not overwork myself so hard. instead of being mad at myself for getting behind.#<- is trying and failing not to be mad at herself for getting behind
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think my hgeadphones broke for the last gime :(
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devilofthepit · 1 year
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i’m going to start eating people
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galpalaven · 2 years
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who wants to see Nadia Surana, one of the heroes of the blight and definitely not an abomination, react to Aveline's refusal to investigate that rapist in her guard ranks at the end of Act 2
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lavender---sunshine · 2 years
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i am so deep in my feelings right now, i both sad and mad enough that i cannot sleep
#ive been angry oscillating between angry and sad pretty much the whole day#i had a rare saturday off and i feel like i wasted half of it for my mom and she didnt appreciate it#i wanted to take her to somewhere new for brunch and a cool bookstore and to get our nails donw#and she drove like 30 minutes in the wrong direction and wouldnt listen to me and tried to blame it on me#im not allowed to be sick on my own. she has to be sick too. if i have a headache so does she and worse#if im nauseous in the afternoon she 'threw up' that morning. she'll say its something we ate even if we ate nothing in common#ive broken our in hives that keep popping up and the whole day she was acting as if she was itchy too AND dizzy.#we had to stop multiple times because she was so dizzy. im not saying she was lying but it stopped her from cleaning#she didnt want the original breakfast place near the bookstore and salon and when we got to the second one it was closed#found a third but she didnt want to deal with parking. went to option 4 and she didnt like her food.#she also kept asking me what she was getting instead of just ordering herself. 'what was it that i wanted? yes can you tell her i want xyz'#(and let me just say i have 0 patience left for people who cant do anything themselves. helplessness is a hard hard no for me#we didnt go to the bookstore or the salon and shes like oh okay tomorrow. i told her i had plans and shes like oh you always make plans#with your friends and none with me. Girlfriend. what are we doing right now?#went home to try to clean up our apartment and got overwhelmed when i realized i have to do everything myself because she no help#while she laid down and watched pitch perfect for the 1000th time#im also trying to figure out how to tell an ex friend i dont want them back in my life because theyre so much work#but i dont have room in my life to have that conversation. im also probably going to start looking for a different job soon#i just want my parents gone. my apartment furnished. free time. and a vacation.
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beechicory · 1 year
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Argh.
#It is so ridiculous that this kid has FIVE parental figures and I'm the only one who's actually a good 'parent' to them#One other of the parental figures I've spent a few YEARS brute-forcing into being better at it and have to constantly keep doing so#And one of the other ones is just selfish and oblivious and overbearing and kind of useless and more like a kid than a parent#And the last 2 are actively abusive and just fucking terrible people who make the kids' life - and my life for that matter - a nightmare#How am I the only one who is any good at this??#I have no training or experience except a) being very good at loving cats and b) being raised in a horrible nightmarish abusive home#So I'm basically doing what MY family should have done for ME#And it's not fair bc I'm fighting the others every fucking step of the way just to TRY to make this kid's life less miserable than mine was#Like it is such a battle#And it is like a revolutionary unheard-of never-occurred-to-them concept for me to say 'Have you asked [kid] what they want?'#Bc they all automatically go for power struggles and selfishness and treating the kid like a possession#And it's only the one other 'parent' who will even fucking listen to me!#Like it took me a year just to reach the point where this kid trusted me enough to say 'no thanks' about anything#And w/ the parent who sometimes listens to me - the most constant freaking thing I do is ask 'Why?' bc they usually have no actual REASON#No legitimate reason for this rule they've decided or thing they've refused or anything! Just limiting the kid's life bc of how THEY feel#But also like if the kid says something would make a situation worse or better or whatever I freaking listen to them#Bc they have greater insight into the situation bc it's their freaking life and their experiences!#And when they want to spend literal hours describing their new video game I listen and inquire and comment on the cool parts!#And I don't give them 'orders' or anything bc what they have lost the most in this shitty situation is the right to have ANY agency#I always ask before I do things even just opening a drawer to look for a concealer they borrowed bc it's essential to respect their privacy#Bc they don't GET any from anybody else!!!!!#I literally have had to have so many arguments with the other half-decent parent just to get them to stop going through their stuff!#And again the other 3 people are frankly fucking terrible#Actively negative#Two of them actively evil#And yes I've tried to get authorities involved many times but they fucking refuse to do anything I've tried over and over and OVER#So I'm parenting this kid bc holy shit no one else is any good at it#And I'm so angry and tired and upset and I love them so much and can't fix this other shit for them#And I'm so flabbergasted that out of 5 ppl I'm it: the only decent parent#It's not fair to this kid
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asbestieos · 2 years
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actually no i work so hard bcos im perpetually paranoid of being fired 😭😭😭 i need to give my manager so many reasons why she NEEDS me
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save-mohamed-family · 3 months
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My campaign is verified and added to the Gaza Donations page with number 192.
Thank you for documenting my campaign from the following accounts:
@sar-soor @heba-20
@el-shab-hussein
@90-ghost @soon-palestine
@ibtisams @marnota @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @i-am-aprl @northgazaupdates @fallahifag @fairuzfan
I love you all 🙏🙏♥️🌹
I am Mohammed Almanasra, 32 years old, married, and a father of three children: Abdulrahman, 6 years old, Sarah, 4 years old, and Lina, 3 years old.
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My story began with the loss of my parents and four of my sisters, who were bombed and lost their lives along with their children after the events of October 7 and the severe war on Gaza. Now, I am facing a severe injury to my leg, which is at risk of amputation if I do not receive the necessary treatment. My wife, children, and I are displaced, without parents or siblings, and my wife is also suffering from uterine cancer.
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Recently, I moved to the south of the Gaza Strip, fearing for the lives of my children. We left behind our memories and our new home, for which we had not finished paying the installments, in addition to losing my job. Currently, I live in a tent that does not protect me from the heat of summer or the cold of winter, and without the minimum necessary livinng basics including water, food medical care, clothe and even bedding .
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I suffer from a chronic asthma and severe attacks from tightness and an extreme allergy in the ear and I need medicine that are not available, or very expensive .
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Under these difficult circumstances, after five attempts at displacement and narrowly escaping death from the bombing, I am trying with all my might to protect my family, the most precious thing I have.
My dreams were shattered, and my house was destroyed, and I found myself living in a tent no larger than 4 square metres. My work turned from a tailor to a street vendor in order to barely buy a few crumbs of bread to feed my children.
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Look at what happened to my children because of the intense heat and the insects that thrive in the summer season. Every day, I take them to the hospital to treat them due to poisonous insect bites. I implore every kind-hearted soul to help me protect my children.
My son, Abdul Rahman, has a deep passion for playing football and is a devoted fan of Real Madrid. He always dreamed of playing football at his school, but the war prevented this dream from coming true.
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Where are you, Real Madrid fans ?
Help Abdul Rahman achieve his dream.
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Every donation will make an enormous difference in helping me save my family.
I feel very sad and embarrassed to ask for help, but I have no other options left. I know that this request is difficult, but I also know that there is still humanity and living consciences and I believe in miracles.
Your support during this extremely difficult time will give us hope in the midst of devastation and despair.
If you have any inquiries or questions, feel free to ask me, please!
To everyone with a compassionate heart,
To all who understand the essence of humanity,
This is a message from my innocent children, who trust that their words will reach everyone who truly understands the meaning of childhood.
We cry out to you, asking you to feel our sorrow and pain, and to extend a helping hand to us in this time when we are in desperate need of your mercy and compassion.
My name is being repeatedly added to many public and private donation campaigns. Please, be a support for me in this difficult situation.
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/0/d/1yYkNp5U3ANwILl2MknJi9G7ArY4uVTEEQ1CVfzR8Ioo/htmlview
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@communistchilchuck 🫶🇵🇸
@nabulsi
@sayruq
@communistchilchuck @90-ghost @sar-soor @fairuzfan @ibtisams @fallahifag @vakarians-babe @palipunk @palestinecharitycommissionsassoc @stil-lindigo @vakarian-shepard @northgazaupdates
@faggotfungus @ghost-and-a-half @three-croissants @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @magnus-rhymes-with-swagness @marnota @northgazaupdates
Sincere greetings & thanks
Mohammed & the family
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Ignore
#delete later#im so exhausted and stressed. theres such a lack of stability and its freaking me out SO much. im just constantly tense and waiting#for something terrible to happen. im starting to think that im not gonna get to go to the entomology thing ive been hoping#how i can't do things independently and i must have been forced into this abd rhen it'll get cruel towards my friends abd i cant#and my aunt is getting worse abd my parents are waiting for me to fail abd have to move bsck with them which i can't do bc#to go to for months bc ill probably need to use that time off for preparing to move. which sucks. ive been looking forward to it#i was letting myself get my hopes up and that was a mistake bc now im rly disappointed. im hoping i can go but honestly#idk if it'd be financially responsible. same with comic con. its in october so i can probably go but it might not be a financially#good idea. it just. the things i was counting on to be stable sources of joy are not stable anymore and that's making everything worse#and im tryinh to be positive but im so anxious. theres just so much. i need to think about packing and try to figure out#how im going to move 1-2 hours away. how am i going to coordinate with movers whilst having to get the train to meet them#im disabled and cabt help move things so only getting one person ro deliver worries me. movers arent insured to take ppl with them#theres just SO MUCH. And i can't view properties easily bc of work so im missing out on multiple places that ive been contacting#ppl about abd i couldnt line up enough for last week when i was off bc it was too short notice and i just. its TOO MUCH TOO MUCH#im overwhelmed. im trying to think of the food im gonna cook when im there ahd the armchair im gonna buy#im gonna eat so much fucking lamb and fish oh ny god im excited for THAT#i wany to just go for the shittiest place to at least have some stability and bc i still have yhat kernel of thought that i dont#deserve comfort but im trying to fight it bc i do. i deserve somewhere nice and its unfair on myself not to find somewhere nice#especially as ill be living alone. i cant go for places that have no natural light or are four stories up or are a mile away from the train#station bc that will wreck my mental health and i wont have ready access to socialising that can stabilise me. gotta be fair#to myself. but THATS PROVING REAL DIFFICULT#im doing good saving though so thats nice i guess. fuck me moving is expensive. moving when you've got zero kitchen supplies is#even more so. gonna be an Interesting first couple days in the new place.#it will be. very bad. they keep texting me asking about it and i have to be positive bc otherwise itll become a conversation about#field all that shit when im like this. i just cant. that requires so much fucking energy i dont have. and i wont move back#id frankly rather die. and trying to not say that and decline politely sucks. bc they get the look of#oh we're not good enough huh#and i can't field their fucking feelings. i either need a pause button or a fast forward. id take either one#so many of these tags ended up out of order whoops. but these arent meant to be read anyway#i just need to scream bc idk what else to do
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horce-divorce · 3 months
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It's wild watching someone who used to be self aware (or at least, who didn't want to be like their parents) become entitled to things like avoidance. And children. Often simultaneously
#me#my friend used to be a very free spirit#ended up medically traumatized due to psychosis. went to court ordered therapy got on meds etc#made a bunch of concessions to reconnect with family bc their partner left them as soon as they were in the hospital#got medicated. got back to work. got into a new relationship.#and now suddenly behaves exactly 100% like their parents.#was even holding our homelessness over our head saying shit like#'you guys know you have to ask the gov for help eventually right? bc if you dont itll be me taking care of u and i want kids :('#(this coming under the assumption we somehow CHOSE to be homeless and that we HADNT asked the gov for help REPEATEDLY already??)#same thing w another former friend#used to have a fraction of self awareness. wanted to break the cycle#got married. got kids. went back to work and school and suddenly is entitled to not only continue the cycle#but to be avoidant as well.#bc you see. its really hard and stressful to have a job and family and home to be responsible for.#its so hard they dont have anything left over to be self aware or empathetic with.#and its true! its tragic for them too. its isolating. this is part of why suburban life is so terrible. the fucking isolation.#being a good little capitalist cog was intentionally designed to give you just enough privilege#just enough of your own life#to make you keep coming back for more#but to simultaneously run you so ragged that you never have time energy money etc to protest.#so you stop protesting at all#even on a small scale.#you dont call what your parents did to you abuse bc you want them in your life.#you dont call what your ex did to you 'rape' bc thats too strong a word and you want to believe you parted on good terms.#you dont call what the hospital did to you abuse or medical trauma. intead you say you NEEDED to be chained down? the fuck?#you start to believe all the bad things people said about you. and then you start to believe them about other people.#you go from someone who marches in the streets to someone who criticizes the protests for being inconvenient and impolite.#entitlement. its entitlement.#bc this system holds your autonomy and life and family HOSTAGE behind a paywall unless and until you conform.#and they can be taken away in an instant if you put a toe out of line
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