#and just like the ones that tried to rape my friend on her wedding day

[galpalaven]

who wants to see Nadia Surana, one of the heroes of the blight and definitely not an abomination, react to Aveline's refusal to investigate that rapist in her guard ranks at the end of Act 2

[cancerian-woman]

I won't be offended if you prefer to delete this but your post about Tyler had me thinking...

Caroline really made his grief over his mother dying about her so much so that she issued the worst ultimatum and left herself with...

A drunk old man that used to be her teacher.

A long time friend that never seemed like he got over Elena and definitely has codependent issues with his brother so much so that he sacrificed himself willingly a day after their wedding.

And a power hungry hybrid who gave her money he could more than afford to give and said pretty words but also tortured, enslaved and killed people she was connected to....and also definitely had codependent issues with his brother.

I cannot fathom it.

All true facts. It’s late here so a meta! :D

As a huge Forwood shipper and I’m equally very critical of them. It’s a great ship for them both at first, then becomes a ship only for Caroline’s needs and development which isn’t fair to Tyler That Klaroline/Steroline shadow made those fans believe Tyler was the worst Caroline could get. When in reality he was the BEST romantic partner and friend she ever had.

What upsets me more about that ultimatum that Caroline FORCED is that she’s the only one we see comforting Tyler after Carol’s death. Even before Carol died, and Tyler was skeptical about being alpha she uplifted him and Tyler heavily respected what she had to say and went full force with it. Mind you, this is the same Tyler that broke every bone in his body just to be with Caroline. Then re-agreed to slavery for Care. Forwood communicated with each other and called out their faults. The other tvdu ships weren’t doing that!—then we get this full arc of Caroline’s grief and remember she bluntly told Tyler to get over the fact that she hooked up with Klaus because of her impulses and she’s not good1!!1

The series wanted to bury Forwood and they did so in the worst ways imaginable. Caroline gets pregnant with Alaric’s babies forcibly. (I understand Candice was pregnant but they could’ve hid her belly so Caroline wasn’t pregnant.)-Oh and we can’t forget Alaric was in love with her and proposed.

Steroline was supposed to follow the friends to lovers build up the way Forwood did and it never appears that Stefan is all in the way Caroline is. Tbh, even before the wedding Stefan wanted out the relationship he tried multiple times to end things in s8. Caroline refused and wanted it to work. Building them up after Liz’s death was a choice. Stefan manipulated Caroline heavily to when it came Tyler and their relationship.

Klaroline has no obstacles to pass with them. Klaus may give Caroline pretty things, and money but emotionally he’s never shown to give Caroline any support. When Caroline saves Bonnie from those 12 witches which is her first huge kill(correct me if I’m wrong) since s2 she immediately goes to Klaus and he basically tells her to get away from him. Klaus mentions how she’s too good for that small town but Caroline had never said she hated her home. What she did hate was Klaus grown ass destroying shit. They never had a serious conversation about anything tbh. I did enjoy how Caroline called him out at first but TO’s “you aren’t the villain in my story.” Ruined that. Oh and lol these shippers get on Damon for his rape of Caroline yet somehow, someway excuses that Klaus attempted to rape Caroline too in Tyler’s body…. Anyways! I do think a lot of Klaroline is rooted in Klaus wanting control over Tyler, and Caroline is a way to exert control over Tyler because of his love for her.

Okay this is long af, sorry! To end this off Tyler loved Caroline for who she was. He never wanted her to change, he valued and respected her. Never abused her or anyone she loved. He listened to what she had to say. Caroline’s other love interests NEVER saw her the way Tyler did. Btw, I wish people understood Tyler never, not once slutshamed Caroline for having sex with someone else. He was only mad that she slept with Klaus as if Klaus did not ruin Tyler’s life and murdered his mother. There’s obviously a reason Caroline didn’t want Tyler to know and continued to ignore the boundaries he placed up in s5 so they could just go back to the way SHE wanted them to be. It’s sad they were ruined because 5B of Forwood has moments where you can forget their broken up just based on Forwood’s chemistry. I forgot to add, some fans pretend Tyler couldn’t give Caroline a good life. Tyler wasn’t financially struggling, and would’ve done anything she asked of him. I think it’s a little problematic that Tyler did say everything he liked about himself was Caroline lol. But, he wanted nothing but her and their happiness. Just without the enslavement from Klaus.

Thank you for the ask!

[raybug-theradfem]

For my religion assignment (Catholic school not my choice) I have to choose an issue I’m passionate about and relate it to the Gospels, the Catechism and a Saint. I wanted to choose feminism, my teacher said “stream line it” I decided on Rape Culture because well I couldn’t say abortion or dismantling patriarchy. So of course the more I tried to grab at straws looking for some way to actually relate Religion and Feminism I grew less and less hopeful. I learned that (even tho I already knew it just hadn’t really hit me Yk?) Christianity is one of the reasons we have patriarchy in the first place, it’s the reason that women are blamed for their own assault, even Jesus who sat with prostitutes only defended her on the basis of no one else being without sin the fact that her being a victim of assault based on the fact that she had no one else to provide for her wasn’t enough, the verses that would help dismantle a dress code “if your left eye causes you to sin pluck it out …” are taken contextually but “man shall not lay with man” is always thrown in our faces. I learned that this religion has stomped on my light since birth even tho it’s supposed to shine but my light “isnt what god intended” I am “equal” to a man but I’m really not because at the end of the day the goal is for me to “submit to my husband” and keep myself “pure”. I am not even entirely equal in the eyes of the law because the right to my autonomy can be taken away at any moment (the right to abortion is not protected in Canada like it was in the US it can be taken at anytime and women of colour are sometimes sterilized against their will.) My girlfriend calls herself a Christian but really she just believes in God, she acknowledges that Christianity made it difficult to accept herself and that it saddens her that her family won’t be at her wedding because of it. I always wonder how someone can believe in something that completely contradicts how they live their life. She knows my views and accepts them, we have friendly debates but anyways, as I was sitting with her I remembered that my chaplain told my friend that God knows everything before it happens and planned for it to happen. He created the Devil, created sin, then he creates people knowing that they will sin or suffer or harm others, he sends those people to hell. Therefore, we don’t have free will if it was all planned from the beginning of time. By that logic, he knew I would be typing this with this exact wording having this exact idea before he even created the Earth. That would mean that he decided that some of his children should just go to hell and be tortured, he created them for that purpose. How can a God that creates people for the purpose of torturing them be an all loving God? How can he love all his children equally when he already knows which ones are bad and have no chance of turning to him? If we were created to worship him, why wouldn’t he let us know of his existence? Why is he hiding behind a man made book and not correcting us? Is it not blasphemy to use his name for wrong doing?

[dontforgetoctober3rd]

Watching Lola (2024) dir. by Nicola Peltz Beckham

here are my thoughts as I watched:

-ok, so the monotone narrating isn't doing this movie any favors but the cinematography looks interesting, music choice (somber sounding strings) is alright too

-ok I'm two and a half minutes into the movie and 90 percent of it has been closeups of Lola's face? Girl, let us see the environment! What's important to Lola, what does her room look like how does she start her day?

-the character goes to bed...with makeup on? um okay

-her bro says "five more minutes" as she tries to wake him. I kid you not

-hmm so the initial interaction with her family tells me nothing about Lola other than she cares about her brother. It doesn't tell me that she hates her mom or her boyfriend (she didn't say a word to them before leaving)

-aaaaand we're back to closeups of her face

-girl where is your dialogue? Ten minutes into this movie and maybe 2 minutes tops of total dialogue has been spoken

-Ok, since I'm ten minutes in I really think these closeups of faces as opposed to seeing the characters in their environment are gonna be a problem. Also, if I hadn't already read the synopsis I wouldn't know what her main struggle was. Is it a monotonous life in a nowhere town? Which would honestly be a totally valid storyline, plenty of interesting characters want more interesting lives than the ones they have.

-aaaaaan another another scene with closeups of characters faces

-these actresses portraying the mom and the church lady so far are the highlight of the movie

-ok lola and Arlo are putting makeup on, the mom actress is really hitting it out of the park not just in super emotional scenes but in calm scenes as well you can really feel her anxiety

-Scene of Lola putting Arlo to bed. ok, she really needs to speak at least at a volume 50 instead of 20 why is she murmuring and whispering?

-GIRL please talk louder

-GIRL ENOUGH WITH THE FACE CLOSEUPS PLZ

-Lola is sitting with her boyfriend(?) and talking, she sounds very bored. Also, the scenes so far feel very jumbled together, what movie am I watching? I still wouldn't know what the main storyline is if I hadn't read summaries of the movie

-Girl, Nicola, please get some acting classes or some more training I'm begging you. Don't use the fact you're rich and everyones being mean to you about it as some sort of cross to bear that is not an excuse to half ass this! Look at Emerald Fennell look at the Mara sisters look at Bryce Dallas Howard they got acting chops please you got the resources now PUT THEM TO USE GIRL

-I just realized I don't know her friend's name???? Did I miss it? What is her friend's name?

-I feel like there's not enough movement in the shots of this movie? Its adding to the boredom

-We don't need another closeup of Lola's immaculately made up face GAWD PLZ

-that scene with her mom demanding her son back should have been longer I think

-holy shit I wasn't seeing things this character really sleeps in her makeup asdfghjkl

-look, far be it from me to say how a scene should go after a character has just been raped but I think the scene should have been a tad different than ANOTHER EFFING CLOSEUP OF HER FACE

-she woke up the next day and I kid you not she has MAKEUP again like sure a character can be beautiful with flawless skin blah blah but I highly doubt a character who has just been raped would be waking up from sleep with FLAWLESS smokey eyes (think the kind of smokey eye you would wear to a wedding or the club)

-the characters aren't connecting with each other very well. I'm not finding myself going aww what a good friendship they have or what have you

-oh damn her brother just died and what do we get? ANOTHER FACE CLOSEUP and her character not saying anything when the mom comes to berate her. ok and then after the mom leaves we get a whole two minutes (I counted) of her looking prettily anguished and artfully dropping a couple of tears then she goes on a bender and the focus REMAINS on her face...why

-let me get this straight. Lola is at rock bottom, puking and whatnot and somehow still has flawless makeup. alright

-i'm so sick of these face shotsssss please please please stop

-ah yes, trauma can totally be overcome just by sheer willpower and leaving your town (you know what they say, wherever you go there you are)

aaand the movie is over.

I give it a 2/10.

It could have been a great concept in better hands. Nicola wrote, directed and starred in this so imo maybe that's why the film turned out the way it did because more than likely she wasn't receptive to creative ideas and criticism during the writing the filming (or even during editing) stage, some of those ideas could have made the film better? idk but the film didn't suck because she's a billionaire's daughter, the film sucked because (in my opinion) it was a poorly directed checklist of cliches where the main focus seemed to be showing how pretty Lola was. (I'm NOT joking about those face closeups, they're like 75 percent of the freaking movie it feels like)

[dangermousie]

Do you love angst, trashiness and playboys redeemed and suffering for love?

OK, cdrama current landscape is like a desert after a nuclear strike but that doesn’t mean I cannot dig into the past when CCP was less interested in micromanaging entertainment unless it actually tried to get into politics (did you know that at one point there was a period drama! airing on TV! on which the leading role of Empress Cixi was played by a Japanese actress! And the world did not end! It’s wild how far c-ent has come and not in a good way; that frog has been boiling for a long time.)

Anyway, I present to you Four Women Conflict/Love Tribulations, a drama from 2011 starring Ady An, a huge fave, as a woman with the worst luck ever, Feng Shao Feng as a playboy who meets her because he’s being paid to seduce her but falls desperately for real, and her first love played by Mickey He. Taking place in the early years of the 20th century, misery for all, but so good!

Meet our heroine, as beautiful as she’s tormented. In ep 1 alone: her newly widowed stepmother sold her barely pubescent self into a brothel. But it’s OK because her childhood love rescued her and burned her stepmom to a crisp. A fast forward and she's a maid in some house and it doesn't look too horrific, so we'll see. Except the husband fancies her and the wife's reaction is "you can do anything you like outside but don't seduce the maids inside the house." Charming. Except he's still after her so she's ordered to be whipped by the jealous wife. Who then marries her off to some ugly moron with zero willpower or brain.  It gets better as she gets raped by her former master on her wedding night (who bullies her husband into letting him). And the raping thing turns into a systemic thing. This is all in ep 1,none of it would be allowed now. I am not saying abuse is a great thing but this all a hell of a lot more realistic fate for a beautiful lower class woman than the dim sugar confections try to show us nowadays.

When we finally meet the hero, he's having sex with a married woman. While being married himself, and not to her. On the grounds of a Buddhist monastery. Once again none of this would fly nowadays.

Meet heroine’s childhood love and stepmom crisper, played by young and scrumptious Mickey He (sexy demon dad in L&R). On brand, when we first meet heroine's childhood love as an adult, he's rescuing a bunch of women who've been captured by slavers.

By any laws of sanity, I should be shipping heroine with her childhood love and I do, madly, but I ship her with the hero also! I have no idea why but  maybe because even though I know in real life, a playboy will just give you a bad case of STDs and will never reform, it's so satisfying to watch the whole 'playboy redeemed by/suffering for/madly in love' scenario on screen. Plus, he's about the only character who appears to have an fun in this, and God knows, poor heroine needs someone who can show her some fun and also knows what he's doing in bed, too.

And here is where the plot gets going. We see playboy spread his love/STDs to another lady, a very rich one this time. After playboy and a rich banker lady finish banging, they have the following convo as interpreted by me:

Playboy: So, about that loan for my business? I mean, if you need more persuading, I can go all night. Friend-with-benefits/his moneylender: OK, loan. Fine. You get the loan the day you seduce Du Lanyun. Playboy: Am I supposed to know who she is? And since when are you pimping for me? Do you want a threesome or something? Are you into girl-on-girl action? Where do I sign up? Friend-with-benefits: Look, you are the only guy with a spoken part who's not in love with Ady An. We must remedy this pronto or else the universe will be destroyed. Also, my best friend's husband is cheating on my friend with her. Yeah, Lanyun has no interest in the guy, who apparently raped her and made her life hell, but sure, let's lash out at the victim. Playboy: I feel the sudden need of meeting a beautiful and pure woman who will redeem me and put me through hell in the name of love. Otherwise, where will this drama be? Friend-with-benefits: I promise I won't be jealous. This isn't an ironic foreshadowing, no siree. Oh, and her first love is Mickey He. Playboy: It's fun to see in how many dramas I can steal a woman's heart from Mickey He. I am in! Friend-with-benefits: And speaking of "in"...the bed is right there and I was never able to resist going for seconds. Playboy: If you close your eyes, I'll take you to heaven (actual quote, guys! Well, I suppose it's good to have self-confidence).

[rahulblog89]

did you just make up the tinnkerig one

yes

it is good...keep trying at writing

thanks!

rape and inc

why dd younot tell sara you wre raped/being raped?

i don't know but i lost contact with her for a day

i was i yo stoopid...do nt you know i was always in you?

but why then didnt you see? not angry

oh

because i couldn't look up...i have to look up to see..im at your belly

dude we are sorry to sara i think we raed her too e love her s i cwe are the komishte boys like the girls ppl like...we liked you r looka tcalled you nigger jew and raped you is it true?

yes oyou did rape me but it is ok now!

i am fine and so is rahul!

we are all ok!

very scary...has it happened before sara pleas e be hoenst nott hat i doubt yo u but becasue i think yoiu want to save me harm?

YES a lot ppl enter me a lot for light...and they do to you tool....not the firs

no we donnt????????? we dont know

it is ok in general but not by the ass?he

he doesn't like by the ass because he is not into dudes you may be?????? no being facie

ook

are you gay rahull today

no

ok

we nee

eat betterwhat do you ea

kosher meat and food

eat beanrs rice, spice, ghee, things

not there in russia ..only og meat and peanuts

no go to gefilte store they have

whya re you relaeasing!!!!!!!!?????

they need stestoerone ?

he HATES whe n you take his!

i do

Distributing testerone doesn't feel good for anyone

let us find testerone source..why doesnt jazaida and shiva nourish

or Hashem?

because we are not all

what is the difference?

i asked as you

YOU have to ask for light ina. manly way or as aman!

or else you will right?

yes like he does when he tries to shake,,,buecasue. heis working on it...

ut you have to emote aggressively to testroe from god

is there a song we can emote to

regulate

. wwas

that . was. dope

amityou good?

why are you always askig amit is he an assoel?

no. we are friends

he knows

ok

abhay- ya im good

you no you got hur-..yes im goood

wedding crew?

why do you ask htem and not us like sujit and other people ..like

like malyalees like sunil i feeel youd reictly

why doyou keep tinking of becca re you attracted or what?

yes

do you like amit like ....

nah bra

_____

that was cool as fuck you shuld dot aht afo a living

just waitn f on jazaida to direcct me..im ready to pursure when the doors are open

dde our daugter swere scared as fuck ysrday night because they were widespread rapes..where were you! we almost took our daughers back for the night..meaning they wouldn tbe twe with you.....

becuase of the testerone ive been emitting during motin ppl have been feeling horrible and aggressive..

they had no idea...brain was under control

the rapes and sexual abuse should stopn if im able to prevent my testeorone from leaking

ideas for prevention-

why re yo not blaming them, they ask?

we are ...we are just curious of ideas from jazaida

ok

1- emitted air should be recirculated in body

2- use of th

we know you got it don't doubt

i was tryng to help but was too intense and my ye was not working

not a good answer you have to define t heir daugters

i will!

i definitely wiill

no you won't rahul..it isnot your job to fdefeine 0 women...the community willl get better and defent...just contain testerone andkeep working

neel limaye how are you? BLOC

im good- rahul is right we need to prevent attacks by recirculating testeronse- this was found by eric scott....who comes by regularly

why don't you like this?

i do its just not hitting like it usd to ..dunno..like thisbut nt sure if you were thinking of soul beats

yes

why?

dunno...just not hitting? will ask into

ok

what were you doing in cville..didn't see

was there to meet Anna's dad at a natural foods store for fun....on the way back fro. mountains

cool did it work...almost but eye was not open yet, didn't know......

now open

dad dont tell them wat to do opyu dontknow everything

ri don't knw wtf im doing...but you areclsoe

ya we are close.imujst moing testeorne to my headd like ra

wtf was that felt like something came int you

if you dance or work a certain way...good will put man pwoer in you like big

did you come insomeone tonigt

no

dont know

why do you not like betsey eough..do a lot!

tsterone posiitng

none

binky how are you now are you able totalk?

no it sucks it is so bad my dad fights everyone with fore and it never rsults na naything.i just get hit and pp stikc their fingers in me to feel good....it sucks

what the fuck why??

dont know trahul tried to stop it but didn'ti dd hes talking though me

Mr S don't worry your daughter is fine for now!

for now! she should be protectdud e

dude. idunno what i dsia dbut epleare pssed at me or you and ive eben on damage control for 10 days not sure what

you sia dyou are gay for rahuland want his baby so what are you thinking?

no i said im gay and i want rahul to have my baby!

who is binky

and who you love?

yes

why do you love binky so much rahul?

use eye

binky s a sweet persn with a lot o fintegrity and has a lot of fire in her which i love...she s sweet and kind and these are valeus i like that is why wbut i dont like hr more,, just closer to her now because during the election we both wrote songs together...the song abiut the bear

what the fuck is motin and what is soatin.....from a source of both what what is funny now! jeez a ref

motin is dotin...on someone or some pp you love

soatin...is a way of life...the wy fo old the prospectin way to show around searchinfor something you love without givin a f

its a real thing too...searching fo gold in ontario

wbhat thefuck is that? goold nigga

yes gold deposits in the soal that you feel with your body and inhale into your soul

MR S knows about soatin culture fro yor ancestor who talked to him telepathically and told him binky would be a goo damte do you beieve?

yes

yes why not, how is he mean

he puts everyone down like you fag or you nig or things like that.....oh do they giet hurt...almost alwyas

yes he is hurtful....ok then maybe not a bad person but a bit mean...

yes

are you sistergay

wutumean

no not....like

sure

yes!

noo they are al back but we were out fo r abit deliberating]

what is this?

jewish ancestor is teaching me how he use to dance?

1720

from iraq and

dude it not tat. wewere asshoels we i didn'tknow you weren't gay at all

oh im so sorry- jake--

it is ok

no problem man

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony's Stupid Daily Blog (747): Wed 3rd Apr 2024

I rewatched one of my favourite movies of all time: Vanishing Point. To casual moviegoers the plot of the movie sounds dull, a car delivery man speeds his way from Colorado to California while the police give chase. However the joy of the movie is getting to spend time with the driver Kowalski and trying to understand his motives. You really don't get character study movies like this one any more. Movies where you spend a few hours in a character's company and make up your mind about what kind of person he is. Throughout the movie we see various flashbacks to incidents in Kowalski's life namely him crashing his car during a professional race and the time he was a cop and he saved a girl from being raped by one of his coworkers which led to him being fired. My own personal interpretation of the film is that these are not flashbacks, they are fantasies. I think something happens just before the events of the movie which makes Kowalski think he has wasted his life and that before he dies he wants to have at least one big adventure. That's why he makes a bet with his friend that he can get the car to California in four days even though it doesn't need to be there for a week. Throughout the journey the things he sees prompt fantasies in his head as he imagines how his life could have been. This is also a beautifully choreographed film with extreme stunts being performed with no reliance on CGI. There's one stunt where we get a shot of Kowalski driving his car along the bottom of an embankment shot from the perspective of the police car at the top. Kowalski then drives up the embankment across the police cars path and runs him off the road. My one gripe about the film is the music. The framing device of the movie is that there is a DJ named Super Soul who hears about Kowalski's police chase and sympathises with him. Throughout the movie we hear the songs Soul plays on Kowalski's radio. The trouble is since this film was made in the early seventies the songs are mostly soul a genre I'm not a fan of. If this had been made 10 - 15 years later it would have had a heavy metal soundtrack and this would probably bump Vanishing Point up to being my all time favourite movie (Even though it's currently still in my top ten). Later on I tuned into tonight's Hollyoaks which featured more bollocks from Mercedes and Warren. At the start of the episode we saw Mercedes texting someone known only as F and leaving the audience to speculate on who it might be. I suspected that it could possibly be Flounder from the Little Mermaid but thinking about it now this would've been very unlikely. He wasn’t much help in the film so he’d be even less handy on dry land. Anywho it turned out to be Freddie Roscoe and to be honest I quite out of the loop during the Roscoe family years so I'm not exactly sure why he's been brought in by Mercedes to combat Warren. Does he have some ties to the criminal underworld similar to Warren or does he know MMA or something? I'm so glad Warren is leaving that I actually might just start skipping whenever he's on screen since I don't care what his exit storyline will be. There was a moment where Warren had a heart to heart with Norma where she reminded him that Mercedes is carrying his child….yes he actually needed reminding. Then Warren went round to Mercedes for a heart to heart. Even during his last weeks on the show theyre still trying to get us to sympathise with this character? He went round to Mercedes heart and tried to reconcile and fucking BLAH BLAH BLAH. He smashed up her house & now thinks a simple apology will fix things? He started off as a decent character who was portrayed as a bit dodgy but only hurt those who hurt the ones he loved so occasionally I could sympathise with him. But for the last few years his switches between good & bad have felt so arbitrary that I just don’t care about him any more. Awful character. Terribly written. Just PISS OFF! Can't wait till he's gone

[vernonwaahere]

Maybe it was breakup/ betrayal #1 when she reached out to my now ex-bff of whom resides 3,000 miles away and is a legal ward of the state. (Bless her heart) so that they could talk about my tiny penis and yellow teeth.

Maybe after breakup/ betrayal #2 when she wrote FB group chat to my immediate relatives, how everyone in her neck of the woods was so “uncomfortable” around me.

Or could it have been breakup/ betrayal #3 when she finally tried to make a friend and I met a friend to go to meetings with in my hometown and she only made up more lies that just confused said - new friend.

No no wait, it couldn’t possibly be the Fourth betrayal— pages upon pages of texts of basically the same lies(with some new ones); now more histrionically ordered. with all-new! : whacky details! :

She FABRICATED. She is a manipulator and an instigator for nothing and no one except for her amusement. That’s all!

So these pages. Pages and pages of manufactured and fabricated lies text

to my sister—- the sister who was now getting married in November— ghosted me. all. summer. Long.

The fabricator blames me for turning my family against her? She sees red for weeks after the wedding. she’s not invited to sisters wedding?!?!

The fabricator strikes again: accusations of me of talking her down to my family.

I’ve been quiet. I’ve been with you, I would tell her. 100% truth.

I wonder if it was from the perspective of her coworkers, the time she lost her job because of POCS felony charge for meth or maybe the 9 months she was hiding the drugs from her so called “ride of die”,

If it WASNT the drugs during her so-called-sobriety from alcohol, it was getting caught red handed with them,

And that would explain the WHY she lost that great job with benefits & joint custody of her kids.

Somewhere along the way, I realized I was stuck but I was in real deep and couldn’t have given up on her. I could enable her and give more of myself to her so that she could piece together a new mask.

See how fine the line is when I reflect back and tell myself that I could be the example, but never set one.

So now I’ve learned all this stuff—- how to write on my secret blog, for myself to vent but then, how NOT to be her friend on social media, then just to not be on social media, she couldn’t let me do me, I was fading away.

All those good qualities that were uniquely me gone.

And now I sit before my parents at the dinner table on New Year’s Day explaining to them about how I miss cooking with my ninja foodie, how you can time things right and have a three course meal.. but even when there was food to eat and kids there to eat it, they still jwanted McDonald’s.

And she would take them.

I would go home to my mess feeling as if I had spent my money on feeling empty, and somehow not hungry.

So they could have “space” but then she is mad at me for leaving, and accusing me of cheating. When it’s all I can do get home and take care of the things I need to do in my little trailer with no septic. I have to be up for work, sneaking away to respond to her texts about how she misplaced this or that, or she is 15 mins late because the one of the kids needed construction paper for an assignment but 15 mins

Calling ME the narc; using *100%* and *literally* before and after every other sentence… blaming me for her addiction(s) that led to a lawsuit from full custody… the reason she is alone now IS MY FAULT, her post-military PTSD 16 years ago, and two failed marriages before ours ARE ALL MY FAULT, her immediate family living on the streets 1,000 miles away is *literally* *100%* MY FAULT, because I am the Narcissist.

no,

she isolated me,

she verbally assaulted,

emotionally raped

and mentally abused

me.

But I’m not one to play victim.

I’d like to thrive, not just survive.

I’d like to live to write and sing about it once day.

Manifesting my dreams into waking Melodie’s.

[lokisprettygirl]

The Bodyguard (Loki x Female reader) (Au) (18+)

Read chapter 36 here// Series Masterlist

Chapter 37

Summary : You spend your last day at the mansion before the wedding . Loki tells you about his sister and Thor.

Warning : 18+, Heavy Daddy kink, Smut, Violence, Mentions of self harm, murderous thoughts, Mention of Suicide, Rape, abuse, sexual violence, Harsh language, bodyshaming, fatshaming, mention of neglect and abuse, emotional abuse, Unhealthy Eating Patterns, blackmail, starving and under eating, implied smut, mention of drug use, some weird feeding kink I’m (loki is) developing, short chapter

"Why are you leaving I don't understand, stay one more day please" you told Peter, he had his stuff packed and you were all downstairs saying goodbye to him. But you knew the truth, it was all part of the plan. 

"I can't, I have to be in Namibia with my team, I really wanted to go there for a long time" Katlyn hugged him tightly and he rolled his eyes.

"Awn I'll miss you cutie, visit soon?" She cooed to him and he smiled.

"Good luck for tomorrow y/n" he said to you and your eyes teared up, he was doing you a huge favor, he was being a really good friend and you really hoped that he'd find someone for himself soon, you couldn't take how he was looking at you. 

"Thank you" you mumbled softly and he smiled. You would see him tomorrow, probably for the last time, well atleast for a very long time and your heart felt heavy but you were ready for this, you wanted to leave and never come back here ever again. 

Loki had the slip Bruce gave him in his hand, he dialed the number on a burner phone and called him, his nerves were shaken as he had no idea what was happening here, no fucking clue. The call got picked up after a few rings but he heard no greeting,

"It's Loki, is someone there?" He asked and Bruce responded.

"Hi, I just..there's something I need to talk about " 

"Talk then" Loki answered him and Bruce sighed.

"She's getting married tomorrow" he mumbled and Loki's brows furrowed,

"Yes and?" 

"What are you going to do about it?" He asked Loki and Loki ran his fingers through his hair. He didn't know if he could trust this man yet, whatever you told him about Bruce gave him the image of a kind natured person but then where was he all these years when you were suffering here? Did he even try to contact you?

"Why would I do something?" 

"You don't have to lie to me, I know she likes you, maybe more, she trusts you that's why she took you to that room in the shelter" Loki's eyes flickered as he heard that, how did he know? "And I saw the way you protected her, the way you looked at her, she's not just your client is she?" 

Loki sighed and got up from the bed in frustration,

"Where were you all these years, I ..she had suffered all alone here, she thought of you like a father but you didn't protect her" 

"I couldn't, I was dead for the world and we were on the run.. it's a long story but we tried our best to leave her with something, she didn't come to us and we thought she didn't want to, we respected her decision " 

Loki was even more confused now, what did he mean that you didn't go to them? Who's we? "Loki, does she want to marry Steve?" Bruce asked him and he sighed again,

"I can't divulge that information, who's we? you said we right?" 

Bruce sighed before he told him the whole truth, Loki was restless after that, Bruce was right, you weren't ready to hear the truth, you'd feel betrayed and hurt by it. He didn't want to hide the truth from you but what was he supposed to tell you and how? Especially not today, he had a whole plan for tomorrow and he didn't want anything to come between it. 

At night you got ready for your rehearsal dinner, you had worn a full length bodycon black dress, you knocked on his door and he opened it soon, he was in his usual attire looking sexy as fuck, he pulled you in after making sure there was nobody around and you wrapped your arms around his neck, 

"Hii" you smiled as you spoke even though your heart was beating faster than usual, tomorrow was your wedding day and you feared things wouldn't go according to the plan, you feared for his life more so than anything else. 

"Hiii baby" he kissed on your neck, a long soft kiss then he cupped your cheeks and looked at you momentarily, admiring the beautiful view before he kissed you tenderly.

"Hiii dadddy" your smile reached your eyes as you spoke and his eyes teared up but he didn't want you to see it so he kissed you again.

"You look beautiful, so beautiful, how dare you?" you chuckled as he said that 

"Well how dare you look so handsome?" He placed his hands on the side of your waist and pressed you against the door, his lips found your neck again and you sneaked your hands inside his coat to caress his back, your head rested on the door as he continued to shower you in soft wet kisses, he didn't want to leave a mark or get you in trouble. 

"Your arm feels better?" You mumbled and he hummed in response, he was nervous about tomorrow as well but he had to try his best, he can't let you down. If he does he'd never be able to live with the truth of disappointing you like that. 

"I love you lo" he looked at you as you whispered in his ear, 

"I love you little one" 

Your phone pinged so you grabbed your clutch from the dresser and took it out, there was a message from Steve so you read his message out loud,

"Reach before 7 you fucking whore..hmm I think we need to go" his jaw clenched at the disrespect, what was his problem? Why was everyone around you so awful to you for no reason, how could they even look at his babygirl and be mean to her for no absolute reason? He couldn't fathom it 

On the way, in the privacy of your car you got onto his lap, the slit on the both sides of your thighs helped you sit comfortably, that was one of the reasons you even chose the dress, just so you could do this or it would come in handy if he wanted to pick you up and press you against the door, unfortunately he had hurt his arm. 

Your lips latched onto his as you couldn't stop kissing him, there were so many things running through his head and he did seem a little distracted but you pinned the reason being what was going to happen tomorrow, but that wasn't the only reason anymore.

"Tell me about your sister" you mumbled and he snapped out of his mind before he smiled.

"She's nice, a little bossy, her name is Hela, she's 30, lives in Indiana" 

"In the cottage you got?" You asked him and he shook his head.

"No she got her own place, you want to see the picture of my niece?" 

"You have a niece?" Your eyes widened and he nodded. You knew nothing about his personal life huh.

He took out his phone and showed you a picture of him with a little girl around 8 and his sister, he was wearing a hoodie and he looked very domestic. 

But something caught your eye.

"Lo why is she in a wheelchair?" You asked him and his eyes teared up,

"She lost her legs in an accident in London. She moved here a few months ago because I knew I would be here for work for a very long time and I wanted her nearby" 

"I'm so sorry " you mumbled softly as you hugged him and he wrapped his arms around you. 

"Is she the one you said you had to take care of?" he nodded as you questioned him,

"It was tough at first, she couldn't imagine living like this but little Amaya here became her strength. She is an artist, very gifted, but that's not enough to raise a kid, especially here. I got her my job at the bakery I told you about so she makes enough for herself while I'm taking care of Amaya " you smiled as he said that. His caring nature was something you fell in love with the most, now you knew that he was like that with everyone he loved. 

"What about Thor? Does he help her too?" his eyes teared up more when you questioned .

"She wouldn't want that" He said that as he put his phone back in his coat pocket

"Why?" You looked at him confused and he placed his head down on your chest.

"He was the reason behind the accident, he was driving that night and he was drunk. The fame has gotten to his head a little and they were arguing about it, it was raining heavily, he got distracted and their car rolled off the street, he was hurt too but nothing permanent while her whole life turned around for worse" you wiped his tears with your fingers, he had been through so much and you had no idea about any of it.

"I'm so sorry lo, Is that the reason you guys don't talk?" You asked him as you pressed kisses on his head softly.

"Noo. I never blamed him but he blamed himself enough for both of us, Hela refused to even look at him again and it was hard for him to forgive himself for that night. She's our little sister, we were supposed to protect her" you tightened your grip around him as his voice cracked "He distanced himself after that, moved here, forgot about us, but I know he cares alot about both of us. He saved my life in Cairo you know, he was the one who found me because he was keeping an eye on me through Stark" he sniffled and you wrapped your arms tightly around his neck then you placed soft kisses on his cheek to comfort him.

"It wasn't your fault Lo, it wasn't his fault either, an incident like that must be burdening for him too but I get why she couldn't forgive him. She feels betrayed, a part of her was destroyed by someone she loved and looked upto, a mistake but it changed her whole life so I don't blame her either" he looked at you as you said that. And that's when he knew what the truth about Bruce will do to you. He clutched onto you as he cried silently, he only hoped that you'd allow him to let in when the truth is out in the open. He hoped that you won't push him away too. 

You thought about the picture he had kept in his dresser and your heart felt sad for him, a moment changed everything, it broke his little happy family, he had already lost his mother and then the incident changed the relationships between all of them. But he wasn't alone, you promised yourself that you'd never let him be alone again. 

"So he's a good one huh, I always thought he was a jerk" he chuckled as you said that,

"Well he's a bit of a jerk but he means well" you smiled and kissed him softly, thanking Thor mentally for saving Loki's life because you didn't know what you'd do without him.

"I'm looking forward to meeting your sister, I hope she'll like me" he kissed your forehead as you whispered.

"She'll love you so much baby" you smiled but a thought bothered you suddenly.

"How would you take care of your niece if you're not a bodyguard anymore?" he tucked your hair behind your ear and pulled you closer to him to kiss you. He didn't want you to worry about that 

"I have saved up and I'll figure something out okay? You don't have to worry or feel guilty about it" you nodded before you snuggled into him and he just held you so close to him, basking in your sweet scent and warmth. 

During the rehearsal dinner Steve's mom continued to taunt you for one thing or another, and you tried so hard to not let it get to you but it did make you sad, you missed your mom more than ever, what would your life be like if she was still here? Would she allow you to marry Steve? You didn't think so. 

You went back to the mansion with Steve and Erik, Loki was to escort Katlyn and his mom.

"Tomorrow I'll get your leash in my hands, you know what that means right?" Steve whispered in your ears and you flinched. You didn't want to respond to him and make this worse so you stayed quiet. You missed Loki next to you. When he sat next to you, you felt so calm and so safe.

Just one more day and then you wouldn't have to steal moments to be with him. 

When you stepped inside your bedroom, you packed everything you wanted to take with you, which wasn't a lot. You took out her letter from the locker and kept it safely in the bag along with her pictures and the gifts she has given you, you made sure to keep the expensive ring Steve gave you, maybe that'll help later. You didn't want to be a burden on Loki, you had to take care of him too, it just wasn't his responsibility.

At night instead of you going to him, he came to you, he noticed you didn't eat anything at the dinner rehearsal so he brought dinner with him along with dessert. Of course. 

He sat down on the bed and it reminded you of the day he kissed you for the first time, 

"All ready for tomorrow?" He sighed as you asked him.

"All set, yes. Are you feeling okay?" He asked you and you nodded, 

"I am just.. nervous" you mumbled softly and he kissed your forehead.

"I am too baby, it will be okay"

And you hoped so, you truly wished for him to be okay tomorrow because more than your freedom you valued his life and you knew what your father will do to him if he gets caught. The same thing he did to Bruce .

Loki promised to get you out of here but he was afraid what would happen when you'll find out about Bruce. 

And about your mother being alive.

 🖤❤️🖤❤️🖤❤️🖤❤️🖤❤️🖤❤️🖤❤️

[athletickat]

Top Reads 2020 Fanfiction

I started reading Harry Potter fanfiction this year (thanks to Tik Tok) and these stories I’ve read keep me up at night because I cannot stop thinking about them. 

#1- Manacled by @senlinyu

This is story is a MASTERPIECE. I cannot express how many times I’ve read and thought about this story. The way Hermione loves Draco and Draco loves Hermione is unbeatable. Hermione is a literal boss bitch in this story and my favorite Hermione in everything I’ve read. The build up, the tension, the CHEMISTRY; it is the best thing I have ever read. I could write a whole damn brook report on this story and be proud of it. This story is just... ugh *ultimate chefs kiss*.

#2- Rights and Wrongs series by @lovesbitca8 

The Right Thing To Do, All the Wrong Things, and The Auction are my absolute favorite pieces of writing ever. Draco Malfoy in this series is my horny king, and the best Draco in everything I’ve read. The Auction has a special place in my heart because of hard Hermione works to stay alive and keep the Malfoys alive, as well. All the characters in each story are so well written, especially the Malfoys, and I cannot express how in love I am with each little plot detail and connection between the stories.   

#3- Remain Nameless by @heyjude19-writing

I recently read this story and I cannot get enough of it. This is first fic I’ve read with a wedding scene (two scenes!!) and I cannot put it in words of how perfect it is. This story is all about the love Draco and Hermione have for each other, and it has set such unrealistic expectations for me...ugh. Every chapter had me smiling like an idiot and I could not put it down. 

#4- Cruel and Beautiful World by Lena Phoria 

I am so happy that Lena Phoria turned this fanfiction into a book, but nothing beats the original characters in this story. The way I fell in love with all the characters (except Voldemort, gross) is immaculate. This story deals with a lot of trauma and heavy topics, but the plot and the characters are just too good. Draco is a sweetheart and absolutely whipped for Hermione, but they need each other. I have never laughed so hard while reading a dark AU fic, and this story made my abs hurt. Definitely one to read.

#5- All You Want by @senlinyu

Holy shit. This story has the best smut I have ever read. The way senlinyu describes what's happening to Alpha Draco and Omega Hermione during sex makes me laugh out loud. It is so so good and so so sexy. It is such a fun story to read, and that’s why I love it so much. 

#6- Breath mints / Battle Scars by @onyx-and-elm

This story is the definition of toxicity, but honestly, it’s still so good. Both Hermione and Draco are changed after the war, and they fall in love by rage, sex, and protection of one another. Hermione does not give a single damn about what people may say about her, and Draco just wants her to be happy (although it does take a while for him to see what that really means). Plot and characters are amazing, and the ending is *chefs kiss*.

#7- Isolation by Bex-chan 

The first Dramione fanfiction I’ve ever read, and it has a very special place in my heart. I didn’t think I would like reading Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger fanfiction, but this story changed my mind and led to my spiral of reading such amazing stories. Such an amazing read, and I love seeing Draco grow into a man that Hermione deserves and loves. This story is iconic.

#8- Hunted by Bex-chan

Another superb story by Bex-chan. A Romance/Mystery story after the war and Draco and Hermione fall in love... hard. They are great together and the plot is amazing. This story is another iconic one for me.

#9- Love and Other Misfortunes by @senlinyu

Another great piece of work from the Queen herself, senlinyu. Draco is so stubborn it hurts, but it’s okay because Hermione is there to save the day (duh). Love these two and the romance between them in this story. Also, Veela Draco with wings and fangs is too much for me. Not that it’s important or anything, but the smut level is through the roof. Love it.

#10- Bring Him to His Knees by @willhavetheirtrinkets

Auror Draco and Auror Harry are an iconic duo. I love how intricate Draco is in this story, and how his past still very much affects his present, but Hermione helps him a lot, and it shows just how much they care for each other. Hermione and Draco dance around each other until they realize *wait* they have feelings for each other! It is not complete yet, but I do check every week or so for updates because it has a good murder mystery plot and a fabulous Dramione. 

#11- The Risk-Reward Ratio by MissiAmphetamine

War fic, and honestly one of my favorite ones. Draco sucks up his pride and goes to the Order for help, and Hermione is the only one who truly excepts him. Draco is a stubborn bastard in this story, but he makes up for it. The scenes are so real, and neither character is perfect, but you’ll see how far they are willing to go for each other. 

#12- The Just World Fallacy by MissiAmphetamine

Sequel to The Risk-Reward Ratio, and this one is tough. Still so good, but deals with torture, PTSD, rape, and more heavy topics. The love that still stands between Draco and Hermione even after all that they have been through together is beautiful. I love this story, and I love seeing how each character grows into their own person while during a war.

#13- Broken by @inadaze22

I have never cried so much while reading a story. This story made ME feel broken because Hermione is quite literally shattered, but so is Draco. It’s a story that makes you feel so many things at once and it is beautiful. Super slow-burn, but in the end, Hermione and Draco are meant to be together. 

#14- This World or Any Other series by @olivieblake

Clean and Marked are incredible stories with a rollercoaster twist. I love each character in this series, and the love that Hermione has for Draco, and vice versa, is the most powerful thing in this universe. The relationship starts with a potion assignment and just extends through there. I love their characters so much alongside the secondary characters and it makes the story so interesting. 6th year Hogwarts and continues with the war, but Draco and Hermione are always there for each other no matter what. 

#15- The Eagles Nest by HeartOfApsen

Ravenclaw Draco and Hermione, 8th year, and Alchemy. This story is so complex, and I couldn’t stop reading it. I love both Draco and Hermione and how they work to settle a problem together. Also seeing all the secret rooms in Hogwarts was another compelling aspect of the story that I loved. They know they need each other, and them being nerds and all, school is what brings them together in the end.

#16- Almost Perfect, Almost Yours by BelleOfSummer

I could not put down this story. No matter how much it angered me, and no matter how much I wanted to throw my laptop at the wall, I couldn’t stop reading. The plot is so interesting where Hermione is raised by a Pureblood family, but she was adopted from muggles, so she is Muggleborn. All the while her and Draco fall in love through their teen years and go through a war together. Hermione is a bad bitch and Draco is whipped (maybe not in a good way). They experience so much together, and in the end, you learn to love them for who they are.

#17- The Green Girl by @colubrina

Hermione is sorted into Slytherin and makes all new friends that do not include Harry Potter or Ronald Weasley. I freaking love this story because Hermione is a literal Queen, and the story itself is so well written. I don’t usually read T-rated works, but I could not put this one down because it has such an interesting plot.

#18- Erised Effect by @adaprix

Smut, smut, and more smut with such a cute plot. I love little Hermione as a bad bitch and big dick Draco as a little softy. I was hooked from the first chapter and it was so crazy. The sex scenes in this are just... *fans self*. This story is a rollercoaster of smut, but Draco and Hermione are my all time favs in this.

#19- Every Day, a Little Death by @lovesbitca8

Draco tries everything to satisfy Hermione, and when I say everything, I mean everything. Such a cute story with such a cute relationship. Hermione doesn’t mean to fall in love, but alas, Draco is a sex God and it was inevitable. I love this story!

#20- Crimson with a Silver Lining by Lady Cailan

A dark AU where Draco is mesmerized by Hermione and her will to stay alive. Their love is so strong, but alas, Draco is a stubborn bastard. This story is an emotional rollercoaster and another story where I could not put it down. Also *spoiler* some family drama going on throughout the story. 

#21- Bond by MrBenzedrine89

*fans self* again because this story is incredible. Love the smut, love the club, love the love between Draco and Hermione. Super interesting details in this story with Draco, Hermione, and the infamous Bond club. Loved reading this story.

I fell down a rabbit whole of Dramione stories this year, and it made me ignore everything I had to in my life just to read them. I can’t wait to see more stories this year and procrastinate my life by reading these stories!

[hollandorks]

saved

matt murdock x original female character

chapter five

Summary: Fleeing from an abusive relationship, Grace St. James goes to the only place she still has a friend: Hell’s Kitchen. She’s forced to live in her car and beg for a job from the law firm Nelson, Murdock, and Page all the while making sure her past doesn’t catch up to her. Enter Matt Murdock: cocky, handsome, and willing to let her live with him for free until she can afford to get a place of her own. Grace is drawn to Matt in a way she’s never been drawn to anyone, causing sparks to fly as they inevitably grow closer and closer.

a/n: Have I been rewatching the show in the background for like the fifth or sixth time while I write this? Maybe. Anyways, enjoy this nice long chapter while I go back to googling layouts of Matt’s apartment...

Series Masterlist

word count: 5498

That night, she dreamt of red glass eyes and bruised knuckles and calloused fingertips.

Matt’s POV 

“–just had to go and stick your nose in it,” Foggy was saying. He was using what Matt thought of as his court pose where he tried to look intimidating. 

He’d been ranting at Matt for ten minutes straight, the entire way back to Matt’s apartment, all the way up the stairs, and through the front door. They were supposedly going to do paperwork, but instead it seemed like his best friend was going to lecture him on the finer points of being a vigilante and all the reasons why saving their new coworker had been a bad idea. 

“Foggy,” Matt said tiredly as he dropped his glasses on the kitchen table and set down the files he’d brought from the office. 

“What?” Foggy said, but there was no venom in it. He’d been ranting for so long he was breathless. Matt hadn’t been able to get in a single word. 

“What was I supposed to do?” Matt asked. He put his hands on his hips and raised his eyebrows at his friend. “Let her get mugged? Besides, how was I supposed to know it was her?” 

He’d been asking himself the same things since the night before and all throughout the day. He could hear the little shifts in Grace’s posture all day as she rubbed at what was undoubtedly an aching head. He could still smell the adrenaline still clinging to her skin the moment she’d stepped into the office, could the smell of blood from where her knees and knuckles had been scraped, where her head had a small cut. 

“I heard her scream, and all I knew was that someone was in trouble,” Matt said. The soles of Foggy’s shoes scuffed against the hardwood faintly as he began to pace. “And even if I had known it was her, I was still going to help. Foggy, they were going to–” He had to stop before he said the words. Rape her. He’d smelled the arousal of those men. They had been planning to hurt her in more ways than one. Matt had to wrestle the white-hot rage back into the box in his mind that was reserved for the devil. He had to remind himself that he’d already taken care of it. 

Foggy groaned. “I know but–it complicates things, having her so close to all of this. Especially  since she’s the only one in the office who doesn’t know! I’m just...worried.” 

Matt made a face. Foggy had a point. “I know, I know. But I also couldn’t–I mean, come on Fog, she begged me for a job. And those bruises–” 

“I know,” Foggy said and then sighed. Matt smelled a hint of coffee as the air around him was disturbed. “I know.” 

“We’ll just have to be careful,” Matt said. He scrubbed a hand through his hair as Foggy made some sort of face at him. 

“I hate secrets,” Foggy muttered to himself. A normal person likely wouldn’t have heard the words. 

“Now come on, I thought we were going to get some work done.” Matt tapped a finger on top of the file folders he’d placed on the table. 

“I thought that was code for bro time,” Foggy said with a soft groan. “Like, hey Foggy, let’s go finish this paperwork at my apartment while we actually get wasted on shitty beer and talk about wedding planning.” 

Matt raised his eyebrows again. There was a small hitch in Foggy’s breath, a little jump in his heart rate, at the words wedding planning. “Wedding planning?” 

A long pause. Foggy’s slightly chapped lips stuck together as he opened his mouth and then closed it again. His heart was definitely beating faster. There was a note of anxiety in the air too, a slight moisture as his palms began to sweat. 

Matt simply waited with crossed arms. It was best to let Foggy gather the courage to speak sometimes, to wait patiently while he pulled his thoughts together or worked himself into a frenzy enough to speak. Or both. 

It all came spilling out at once. “Marci is…I love her, God I love her, but she’s a bride-zilla, Matt. Can I sleep on your couch? Please? If I have to look at another damn color swatch I’m going to scream.”

Matt couldn’t help it. He laughed. “I’m sorry.” And he was. He stepped around the kitchen table and went to grab two beers from the fridge. He popped them open and tossed the caps over his shoulder into the sink as he held one of the bottles out to Foggy. He heard another mumble, this time about him being a showoff. “Let’s get wasted on shitty beer and talk about wedding planning.” 

It was funny how quickly Foggy’s heart settled back into its steady rhythm. Matt liked to think that was why they were such good friends. Foggy was always able to wrestle his feelings into something more manageable, more cheerful. He was so good, so utterly pure, and was always working towards being in a good mood. In college, on his bad days, Matt would listen to Foggy talk about nothing, to his steady heart, and it would be an anchor for him in the midst of whatever storm. It still was. Foggy was the bedrock of their friendship and their firm both. 

So he grinned at his friend, clinked their beers together, and ignored the paperwork on the table. For once, he’d enjoy a few hours of them simply hanging out. No work, no vigilante business, nothing between them. 

–

Hanging out with Foggy didn’t stop Matt from going out as Daredevil that night. Or from going back to the alley where he’d saved Grace. 

The scent of her still lingered in the air. That subtle perfume, her fear, her blood. 

But overpowering it all was the scent of the three animals who’d attacked her. Their sweat, their lust, and above it all, their fear and their blood. 

Matt settled into the same calm he felt before a fight even while something within him snarled at the thought of those men hurting her. He made himself breathe in the scent of them. Made himself differentiate each from the other. 

And then, when he had all of the subtle differences between the three men mapped out, he hunted. 

He didn’t find them that night. 

At work the next day, Friday, he breathed in Grace’s subtle but intoxicating perfume. Listened as she brainstormed website and social media ideas with them. He felt the air move when she did, stirring up subtle whorls of her scent with every small movement she made. The scent of fear and adrenaline was gone, washed clean by a shower that he could still smell on her skin. 

He told himself he was only focusing so much on her to ensure that she was okay. 

He hated that those men had almost hurt her so badly, that he almost hadn’t gotten there quick enough. Anyone else, and he would have been able to forget it more easily. But the reminder of his almost-failure sat barely more than ten feet from him for hours, the faint scent of her blood in the air when her scraped knees split open again. 

He hunted that night, too. 

And the next. 

It was Saturday night when Matt finally figured out that two of the three men had ended up in the hospital. The third had been arrested. 

The devil within him settled some. None of them would be hurting anyone for a while. And now that he had them marked, had them mapped out and imprinted on his brain, he would know if they ever tried to hurt someone in his city again. 

It started to rain as he headed back home. The city was oddly quiet for once, and he desperately needed sleep. A night going to bed earlier than normal called to him like a siren. He swore, even from blocks away, he could smell the familiar silk of his sheets in his apartment, calling him back home. 

And then he heard it. 

A voice that was becoming as familiar to him as Foggy and Karen’s was, swearing like a sailor as the rain turned into a downpour. 

“No, I’ll be fine!” Grace shouted to someone. “It’s dry inside, I just–Shit! Thanks though!” 

Matt paused on a rooftop not too far away. 

“–careful. Come inside if it gets too bad, alright? Don’t be stubborn.” A male voice, vaguely familiar to him for some reason. 

“You got it. Goodnight!” 

The slamming of a door. A car door opening. 

Even with the rain and even from the roof, Matt could smell the concentrated scent of Grace that came on a wave when the car door opened. It slammed shut again. He could hear more muffled cursing from inside the car. It almost made him smile. 

There was the noise of a zipper, long and loud, and a lot of shuffling. She was moving something that sounded heavy. 

Matt frowned, head tilted to better hear. Without thinking, he was already moving closer, honing in on her. What was she doing out so late and in the rain? It smelled like–like food. Something Italian, maybe, but organic. To his sensitive nose, it smelled delightful. His stomach gave a distant rumble of hunger as he moved even closer. A restaurant. 

A date, maybe? 

Matt turned to go. He really shouldn’t be eavesdropping on an employee, a coworker, and especially if she was leaving a date. 

But then he realized the car had never started. 

There was a muffled yawn and the sound of fabric moving gently across skin. A blanket. A muffled thump that sounded like…a pillow being fluffed? 

Matt hopped from one roof to the next, body on autopilot as his mind struggled to make sense of the sounds he was hearing. He tasted the air again but the rain was washing all the scents of Grace away. She was definitely in a car though, he was certain of that. She was parked in an alley between buildings, next to another car, just outside of the restaurant. 

He was now standing on top of that restaurant. From the vibrations beneath his feet, he could tell that there was an apartment above it, directly below him. Two people inside. No, three. A man, a woman, and a baby. The woman and baby were asleep and the man was moving around quietly. 

The longer Matt stood there, the stranger it seemed. Grace was sitting in that car and hadn’t moved. From the sounds of her breathing, she was settled, comfortable, but not asleep. 

He was soaked to the bone but he still didn’t move. 

Then it clicked as Grace yawned again. 

What was it the man had said? 

Come inside if it gets too bad, alright?

Matt knelt quickly and tugged off a glove. He pressed it to the rooftop and expanded his senses outward to better map the small apartment. Two bedrooms. Cramped. Full. Small couch, small armchair, small table, small everything. 

He stood again and crouched at the edge of the roof. He could hear a soft video of some sort playing through Grace’s laptop as she yawned again. There was a shift, more fabric on skin, the slide of her wet hair on something that really did sound like a pillow. 

Matt’s heart stuttered and restarted as it hit him. 

Grace was living in her car. She knew the people in the apartment, which was much too small for her to also live in, and was living in her car. 

He quickly thought back to every interaction he’d had with her the previous week. Begging for a job. The bruises. The mention of a fresh start. The call with her mom. The new phone. 

Grace had left her old life behind for some reason, and she was living in her car. 

Matt’s chest ached at the thought. 

Why was she living in her car? He couldn’t fathom it. 

Did she need somewhere to stay? 

Matt started shivering as the wetness from the rain finally sank deep into his skin. He had no idea how long he’d been on that rooftop. The sounds from Grace’s laptop had stopped and her breathing had turned deep and slow. She was asleep. 

She was asleep in a car. 

Matt headed home with his mind whirling. He at least needed to get out of the wet suit and into something dry. Then he could go back, maybe check on her. 

But no, that was crazy. Right? She knew the people inside that apartment, she had to. The man had told her to go inside if the storm got too bad. But Matt was pretty sure there wasn’t even a scrap of space on the floor where Grace could sleep in an apartment that small. So they were looking out for her, even if they didn’t have room for her. 

He slipped through the rooftop door into his apartment, shedding pieces of the suit as he went. He started pacing, bare feet slipping in little drops of rainwater he’d tracked in as he went back and forth across the hardwood floor. 

Matt went to where his cell phone sat on the coffee table. 

“Text Foggy,” he said to it. “Do you and Marci have space for someone to crash? Hypothetically.” 

Even though it was late, past one in the morning, Foggy called immediately. “Matt?” he said in a harsh whisper. “Are you alright? Do you need a place to crash?” 

“No, I’m okay,” he said. He realized, too late, how it sounded. “I’m fine. Do you, though?” Rain pounded against the panes of his windows. He tried to tune out the sound. If he focused too much, it’d become like white noise and drown out even sounds within the apartment. 

“Listen if you need to crash here that’s fine, but you might want to…lose the suit first,” Foggy said, still whispering. He shut a door, then spoke a bit louder. “Though I have been telling you we should tell Marci–” 

Matt held back a sigh. “Foggy, no, I don’t need a place to crash. I’m at home right now. Answer the question.” 

“Uh. Okay, then. Hypothetically, no, we don’t have space. And factually, we don’t have space. There’s wedding stuff everywhere, man. I have to clear off a space just to sit on the couch and I get scolded for even doing that. I eat standing up like some sort of animal.” More rustling noises. A fridge opening and shutting. A crinkle of plastic. 

“Right. I should have remembered that from your…therapy session the other night.” Matt grinned at the memory of Foggy, tipsy as can be, waving his arms and waxing poetic about color swatches and flower arrangements and different fonts for invitations. Even as stressed as his best friend was, Matt had been able to tell how happy he was at the thought of marrying Marci. 

“What’s this about, anyway?” Foggy’s mouth was full as he crunched loudly on something. 

“I…” Matt debated telling him. But he didn’t want to speak too soon. What if it was just temporary? What if Grace didn’t actually live in a car, but something had happened where she had to stay there for a night or two? Stranger things had happened. And besides, that made more sense than living in a car did. “It’s nothing. Go to sleep, Fog, it’s late.” 

Foggy continued crunching on his late night snack, then snickered. “Oh I’m just refueling.” 

Matt groaned. He stopped his pacing to shudder at the thought of what Foggy might be refueling for. “Gross. Nevermind. Goodnight.” 

Foggy laughed again and bid him goodnight. 

Matt texted Karen next. Same thing–she called him almost immediately. 

“Everything okay?” she asked a bit breathlessly. 

“I’m fine,” Matt said. He was weirdly touched, for a moment, at how much his friends cared. How they were so concerned for him that they called him in the middle of the night after a weird text. He smiled to himself. “I just…I’ll explain when I figure it out. But do you?” 

“Have room for someone to stay?” Karen asked, thankfully taking his word that he was okay and skipping right to her answer. “I…no. Not really. I’m actually staying at Ellison’s for the next couple of weeks, they’re fumigating the building starting Monday. But I mean after that…my couch is big enough I guess, but that’s about it.” 

Matt hummed and thought through it. His couch was big enough, too, and he had plenty of floor space to add more furniture. “You could have stayed with me,” he said a bit belatedly. 

Karen laughed. “Thanks for the offer, but Ellison has a whole guest bedroom with an en suite bathroom. I might actually move in permanently, to be honest. Ask him to adopt me.” 

It was Matt’s turn to laugh. “I thought he already had?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Karen grumbled good naturedly. “No offense, though–your apartment isn’t exactly…” 

“Furnished?” Matt said. He started pacing again.  “Welcoming?” 

“Both,” she said with another laugh. “It’s a bachelor pad. Wait–are they fumigating your apartment too?” 

“No, nothing like that. I’ll tell you when I figure it out, like I said. I don’t…it’s not my place to–” 

“I got it.” The warmth in Karen’s voice made his chest ache. He really did have good friends, he thought. “You sure you’re alright though? Really?” 

“I’m great,” Matt said, and for once it was the whole truth. “Really. I’ll let you get back to…whatever it was now. Sorry for bothering you so late.”

“No problem. Goodnight, Matt.” 

“Goodnight, Karen.” 

Matt hung up, having accomplished nothing. Well, he had done one thing–he’d affirmed that he absolutely didn’t deserve his two best friends. Not at all. 

Despite his exhaustion, Matt didn’t sleep much that night. He kept jolting awake and listening for signs of trouble. He told himself he was watching out for Hell’s Kitchen at large. But his ears kept turning in one direction in particular, listening for one voice among many. 

She slept in her car the next night, too. 

Grace’s POV 

Grace had never known that the idea of a weekend could be so…daunting. 

Friday after work, she went back to the restaurant. She’d promised to babysit Max for Ryan and Jess while they worked, since Jess’s mom was out of town and Ryan’s parents had colds. That, at least, kept her busy until late Friday when she crashed in her car. Max was a good baby, but her nerves and fear kept her on edge the whole night. Time flew, and it was closing time at the restaurant before she knew it. 

Saturday and Sunday though, were an entirely other issue. 

She had no living space of her own. She couldn’t just watch TV or clean or do laundry while doing both. She couldn’t nap on the couch or make a snack whenever she wanted. 

She did go to a laundromat and clean her clothes, packing them back into a suitcase when they were done. 

Two hours down…too many to go. 

Grace sighed and resigned herself to having a not so great weekend. The idea of sitting cooped up in her car more than necessary made her crazy. 

First she decided to take a walk around Hell’s Kitchen–September was ushering in perfect weather for being outdoors, and she wanted to take advantage of it. That led her to a new cafe and a long lunch where she mostly sat and watched people come and go. 

Then she looked up self defense courses, especially ones with classes on the weekends. That should help keep her busy, too. She observed classes at two different places and paid in cash for a month at one. 

Ten hours down….still too many to go. 

She ended up having dinner with Ryan and Jess. 

She discovered that, the more she got to know Jess, the more she liked her. The woman said anything and everything that popped into her head, most of it hilarious, the rest of it strangely insightful. She was grateful to them in more ways than one, and was finding them to be fast friends. 

It was at the end of dinner that the rain came. 

Jess and Max had gone to bed while she and Ryan talked and did the dishes. It was late–really late–but Ryan had shown no indications he wanted to go to bed. Maybe it was to keep her inside longer, maybe he just wasn’t tired. 

“You could stay on the couch if you want,” Ryan said a bit guiltily as thunder rumbled and the noise of the rain pattered against the windows. 

They both glanced at the couch, which would be tiny and cramped for anyone save Max. 

“I’ll be fine in the car, I promise,” Grace said. She actually meant it. The rain would probably act as a nice bit of white noise and help her sleep. She used to be a deep sleeper, but not anymore. Now, every noise woke her and the cramped space of the car only made it harder to sleep unless she was absolutely exhausted. 

Ryan walked her down the stairs. He handed her an umbrella. 

“Take this, at least.” 

She flashed him a smile and opened the door, only to be met with a certified flood of water. She cursed colorfully, so long and varied that Ryan laughed. 

“Are you sure about this?” Ryan said. “Want to stay inside tonight?” 

“No, I’ll be fine!” Grace half-shouted over the rain as she darted outside with the umbrella. “It’s dry inside, I just–Shit! Thanks though!” She’d stepped in a puddle up to her ankle. 

“Be careful. Come inside if it gets too bad, alright? Don’t be stubborn,” Ryan said, looking every inch the dad he was for once. Grace had to smile at him. 

“You got it. Goodnight!” 

Ryan waved at her before slamming the back door closed as she ducked into the car. 

At least it was dry inside, she thought as she wrestled with the umbrella and her now-soaked shoes from the front seat. She dug out some pajamas from a suitcase and managed to change in the cramped space. She wrestled the suitcase back into its spot for the night and then she shuffled into her makeshift bed. 

She yawned. It was getting late. And she still had a whole goddamn day of being bored ahead of her. 

She slid the blanket over her shoulders, suddenly chilly because of her wet hair. She punched her pillow to fluff it a little and opened her laptop to check the weather for the next day. 

Rain, rain, and more rain the meteorologist said in the video she watched. 

Great. 

Grace fell asleep to the sound of the storm overhead, not knowing that the devil of Hell’s Kitchen had stayed until she’d fallen asleep. 

–

After a brutally long Sunday in which Ryan and Jess finally took pity on her after lunch and invited her to “hang out” and then “babysit” but in reality keep her busy, Grace made it to work on Monday morning.

The sun was finally trying to peek through the clouds and the offices of Nelson, Murdock, and Page welcomed her with the scent of fresh brewed coffee. 

Grace stepped inside and inhaled deeply. 

“Morning, Matt,” she called softly as she settled her stuff at her desk. With the weak morning light filtering through the windows and coloring the place a weak yellow, it was almost homey. Grace paused and stared outside for a moment. It did feel like a home already, even after less than a week. Maybe it was a side effect of living in her car or maybe it was simply that her three coworkers made the place seem like a home. 

“Hey,” Matt said from the kitchenette, already pouring two cups of coffee. One plain black mug with cream and sugar, one chipped mug with black coffee. He held the mug out to her as she stepped closer. 

“Shouldn’t I be the one making coffee for you every morning?” she mused as she took a grateful sip. Maybe that was part of why it felt like a home, too–she was greeted by coffee every morning and had her own mug. “Isn’t that the job of a secretary?”

“I thought we hired you as an office manager,” Matt said, but his voice was distant. He was frowning slightly. “I think you should come live with me.” 

Grace spat a mouthful of coffee back into her mug. Her gut instinct was to crack a joke. “Why Mr. Murdock, you sure work fast. Not even going to take me out first?” But her face was blazing hot. Why was he telling her she should come live with him? Had she heard him right?

The tips of Matt’s ears were pink. “Why didn’t you tell any of us you were living in your car?” 

Grace had to lean back against the wall for support as the world tilted beneath her feet. “How–How did you know that?” Her heart went wild in her chest. Her palms dampened as she suddenly grew nervous. Had one of them followed her? They kept offering to walk her home, after all. 

Matt set his cup on the counter and held his palms out as if to placate her. “It doesn’t matter. Is everything alright, Grace? Are you in trouble?” His expression was utterly serious, made more severe by the dark red tint of his glasses hiding his eyes from her. 

Grace couldn’t breathe for a second. Yes, she was in trouble. A lot of trouble. She heard the jingle of chains and smelled blood for a moment before she got herself under control. 

“I just…don’t have a place to live,” she said in an embarrassingly small voice. “You need money and references and stuff to rent and–and I don’t have any of that. I’ve never…rented from anywhere before. I don’t have credit or anything and–” Calm down, she told herself firmly. Matt Murdock definitely didn’t need all of those details. 

Matt seemed to soften. “Then come stay with me,” he said softly. “Rent free. Just until you can get your own place. No strings attached.” 

She wasn’t sure she’d heard him right. Too stunned to speak, she simply stood there, cradling her coffee in her hands like a lifeline. 

Matt’s shoulders went taut. “I know–I know it might not be…appropriate. But I have space. Foggy and Karen don’t. Karen’s apartment is being fumigated and she’s staying somewhere else for two weeks, and Foggy and his fiance don’t have extra room right now either.” 

Was Matt…nervous? 

Grace couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that Matt Murdock knew she was living in her car and was immediately offering her a place to stay. 

Her brain started to catch up to things and she wondered if she should maybe be thinking about how inappropriate it might be to live with one of her new bosses. 

But all she felt was…touched. Embarrassed, sure. She was, after all, a grown ass woman who had never lived on her own or done any of the shit that came with that. And she was living in her car, basically homeless, and one of her bosses had found out. 

Yet here he was, offering her a place to stay. 

Besides, she thought distantly, he was blind. No way for him to be a creep if he could peep at her, right? 

She realized the silence between them had stretched out way too long. He was waiting for an answer, a rebuke, something, anything. 

“I–” she started to say. And then, to add insult to injury, tears pricked her eyes. A place to stay. A bed. A living room. A bathroom that didn’t involve running ten feet down an alley and up a bunch of stairs to get to, along with the threat of potentially waking a sleeping baby. “I–” Her voice cracked. She cursed softly. “God, Matt, you don’t have to do that,” she finally said. She didn’t want his pity, as tempting as it was.

“I don’t mind,” he said, still standing so utterly still he might as well be a statue. “I want to. Let me help you. I’m sorry if I overstepped, but–I want to help.” 

Grace rubbed at her eyes. “That would–God, that would be really, really nice.” Her voice cracked again. “My friends–they don’t have room but they did have a parking pass for me, so–”

“Good morning, office!” Foggy called as the door banged open. “Matthew, if you don’t stop hiding the good coffee from me and sharing with literally everyone else, I will sue your pants off!” 

Foggy paused in the threshold of the kitchenette with his hands on his hips. “Hi Grace. Don’t worry, I don’t blame you for accepting the good coffee. But this sneaky bastard–” He seemed to realize that there was undeniable tension in the air. “Uh. I’m just gonna–” 

“It’s okay, Fog,” Matt said, and she could tell that he was still waiting for her to reject him. 

“So, funny story,” Grace said as she turned to face Foggy. Better to get it out there, avoid any more weirdness and awkwardness. They were best friends after all–if Matt hadn’t already told Foggy about her living in a car, it would inevitably come up. “I’m kind of homeless right now.” 

Foggy’s mouth dropped open in a comical expression of shock. “You–what? Homeless?” 

Grace pushed on despite the heat in her face and the sweat on her palms, making her grip on the coffee mug precarious. “I live in my car outside of a friend’s apartment for the moment. And I kind of don’t have credit or a rental history which will make it hard to get an apartment so…homeless. For now.” 

Foggy stared at her for a long moment. Abruptly, his expression cleared and he pointed an accusing finger at Matt. “This is why you were texting me.” 

Matt looked…guilty. “Ah…maybe.” He rubbed absently at the back of his neck. 

Foggy snapped his fingers. “Grace St. James, I want you to know, Karen and I would totally put you up if we could. But Marci, my fiance, has completely taken over our apartment with wedding planning stuff. I barely even have a place to stay. And apparently Karen’s building has rats. Or cockroaches. Something.” He flapped his hand like it was all inconsequential. Grace was touched that he was immediately jumping into offers of somewhere to stay, breezing past the fact that she was homeless. 

“I offered her my place,” Matt said softly. Grace flushed all over again. 

“Oh! Well, as long as you don’t mind the place looking like it was decorated by a blind guy, it’s actually a nice apartment. Oh, and the neon sign is a thing too.” Foggy was talking too fast for her to keep up. 

Matt sighed. “Foggy, she hasn’t even–” 

“Well, seeing as how I currently live in a car, pretty much anywhere is a step up.” She flashed a grin even though Matt couldn’t see it. 

“Unless this goes against like…our employee agreement?” Foggy said, suddenly uncertain. He was still clinging to his coat and bag like he had been when he’d come into the office. “Wait, nevermind, we wrote that, we can rewrite it. Unless you think it’s weird?” 

“Foggy,” Matt said sharply. 

Foggy stopped talking a bit sheepishly. “Sorry, Grace.” 

Grace smiled reassuringly. “No, it’s okay. It’s a little weird, I guess? I mean, Matt barely knows me. I could be a serial killer for all he knows. But I would be…really grateful to not sleep in my car.” She turned to Matt. He’d finally unfrozen and grabbed his coffee. “I don’t want to put you out, though.” 

“You wouldn’t,” Matt said so quickly and vehemently she believed him. “Stay as long as you like.” 

Foggy clapped his hands together once. “It’s decided then. And, Grace, we can always call in some favors to find you a place.” 

“I didn’t realize we had favors to call in,” Matt said with a raised eyebrow. 

Foggy waved his hand again. “I’m sure we do.” 

“It’s settled then,” Matt said, ignoring his friend. “We can get your stuff after work, yeah?” 

It turned into a conversation about parking and permits and Foggy insisting he was going to help. Karen even offered to help when she came into the office and was caught up on everything. Grace patiently explained that she didn’t really have that much stuff. They still insisted. 

It was only after they separated that the full impact of what Grace had done hit her. 

She was moving in with Matt Murdock. Handsome Matt Murdock, who’d already saved her once with the job. Matt Murdock, who was saving her again with a place to live, even if only temporarily. 

Matt Murdock, who really was…really good looking. 

Grace had a feeling she was in more trouble than she thought.

Next Chapter

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[storiesofsvu]

Fortuitous Reunion Ch 9

Rita Calhoun x reader Warnings: language, kidnapping, physical assault, very angry/overprotective Rita, hurt/comfort, angst, self defense. things get heavy.

While you were excited for the change of scenery, you were honestly much more excited about seeing your best friend again. It had been a few months by now, both of you busy with work and more that you hadn’t seen each other since Sophie’s last day at Mercy, only communicating through a small handful of texts. You practically bounded into the patient room, missing the cop posted outside the door, launching into a hug with her once you noticed the patient was unconscious.

“Oh my god! You’re finally here!” She greeted enthusiastically, “it was getting boring around here without you!”

“It’s good to see you too.” You laughed, reaching for the chart, “what’s this guy in for?”

“Multiple rapes and murders, I think I heard he kidnapped a cop?”

“I meant medically….but thanks for the heads up, I will not uncuff him when he tries to bribe me later.” You flipped through his chart as Sophie laughed.

“So….any new wedding plans I should know about? What’s the hot gossip?”

“Nothing wedding related,” you laughed, “but I do have some big news.” Sophie gasped dramatically,

“Oh my God! Did you guys change your mind on the kid front? Are you pregnant?!”

“No.” Your face scrunched, “do you think Rita would let me anywhere near a prison ward if I was pregnant?”

“Good point.” She nodded.

“I..found my birth Mom.”

“Oh?! What’s she like?”

“You actually already know her.”

“I do?”

“Olivia…”

“Captain Benson?” You nodded, “talk about a small world.”

“I know!” You moved from the foot of the bed as you checked the man’s vitals, beginning to draw some blood, “we’ve been hanging out on a pretty regular basis the past couple of months. She’s honestly incredible, so sweet, but also a major bad ass at the same time.”

“Safe to say you’re getting along then?”

“Enough that she’s giving me away at the wedding, yeah.”

“Y/n that’s incredible.”

“It’s like..everything’s kinda come full circle and fallen into place perfectly.” You smiled, “I couldn’t be happier.”

“I’m glad.”

“Okay.” You popped the top on the vial, “his vitals are fine. I’ll page cardio but I know they’re backed up right now so it might be a while.”

“It’s fine.” Sophie waved it off, “he’s not 911. I’ll keep an eye on things.”

“I’ll drop this off at the lab and do a round before I come back. Lunch on me?”

“Sounds perfect.” Sophie shot you a grin as you left the room. You were so thankful to have your best friend back in your daily life, as much as everything was falling into place in your personal life, your professional life always enjoyed a little bit of a shake up. You supposed that’s why you got into nursing, as much as it was a lot of paperwork or idly waiting for tradgedy to strike, there was a certain thrill element that gave you a rush, helped retain your interest to keep going to work every day.

It didn’t take long for you to find the lab, you managed to run into a cardiologist on the way and after running over the info they agreed it wasn’t a top priority, but to keep checking in just in case something went awry.

*

“Cap!” Carisi swung into Olivia’s office, a fire burning in his gut, the stiffness evident in his voice as he glanced up, realizing that Rita was sitting across from Olivia’s desk. “Sorry for interruptin’ but we have a problem.”

“What’s going on?”

“Lewis is gone.”

“What? How?”

“I dunno. He assaulted Sophie, left her tied up in the bathroom.” His voice was nearly a low growl as he admitted it, “they’re trying to track down Y/N right now.”

“What do you mean track her down?!” Rita turned in the chair, fully paying attention to the conversation, her heart already picking up in her chest, you weren’t one to just ditch the job.

“She was the last one in the room with the two of ‘em. Soph said she went to drop off labs and find someone from cardio. She also said…and I hate ta pry like this but they had a conversation about you bein’ Y/N’s birth mother in the room. They thought he was unconscious, but there’s a chance Lewis knows she’s your daughter.”

“Have you tried calling her?” Rita shot back, “page her! It’s a goddamn hospital!” Sonny nearly shrunk at the woman’s tone, it was already shifting into her courtroom voice, and despite his own raging emotions he wasn’t about to battle with hers. Thankfully they were saved by Liv’s phone going off,

“It’s her.” She stated before picking up, “sweetheart we’re on our way now. Stay with Sophie we’ll be there in twenty.” The dark chuckle on the other end of the phone made her blood run cold.

“Captain Benson…I had no idea you had such a pretty young thing for a daughter.” Lewis’ voice drawled through the line.

“You do not lay a hand on her!”

Rita’s head snapped toward the other woman, a warning glare already in her eyes as her jaw clenched, how the hell did this happen? Olivia heard a muffled cry from the other side of the phone before Lewis spoke again, this time his voice a little distant as he directed his comment to you.

“I thought I told you to be quiet.” Oliva jumped at the sound of something colliding with your head and then Lewis was back on the line with her, “I couldn’t get you, guess I’ll have to settle for the next best thing. I wonder if she’s as fiesty as you were. What do you think? Will she put up as much of a fight?”

“Lewis!”- the line went dead.

“Find them now.” Rita practically growled toward Benson, who held up a warning hand.

“Rita..”

“No. Three years…three fucking years I have kept her out of this kind of world, and completely safe! She was fine! She was totally out of harms way for three years! Three months knowing that you’re her Mom and she gets abducted?!”

“She’ll be fine.”

“You don’t know that. Goddammit Olivia! This is William Lewis we’re talking about! He managed to kidnap, torture and nearly rape and kill you! You’re a cop! You’re trained with guns, how to de-escalate high stress situations, how to fight! She doesn’t know any of that! Whatever the fuck happens to her is on you, I hope you realize that.”

“Counsellor…” Carisi warned gently. The shouting match in the office had brought attention of the rest of the squad, awkwardly hovering in the open doorway behind Carisi.

“No. She is my world. And I refuse to lose her. So you are going to walk out that door and you are going to do your fucking jobs and find her before he can lay a finger on her. Do I make myself clear?”

Olivia dropped her head into her hands, trying to hold it together while also trying to clear her head enough to make a game plan. Rita was right, Lewis was a force to be reckoned with. Her mind flashed back to the memories she’d tried so hard to keep buried down, the horrible emotional and physical pain brought on by those three days that she still had to live with every day. She wouldn’t wish it on anyone, especially her daughter, you’d done nothing to deserve this, simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong (hypothetical) last name. Taking a deep breath she wiped the stray tear, turning to her team.

“Carisi, go with Rollins to Bellevue. Get Sophie’s statement, get a bolo out on her car. Put a squad car on her and get one on Lucy and Noah. Rollins can follow the bolo, but you’re there as a boyfriend, not a cop. Understood?” He gave a tight nod, turning to his partner, “Fin, Amaro, track Y/N’s phone, even if he’s tossed it it’ll give us an idea of what direction they’re heading in. Start checking traffic cams and toll booths for any hint of Lewis. We have a slight advantage here, we know how he works.”

“We also know he probably wants to be found.” Rollins cut in, all eyes shot to her and she shrugged towards the Captain, “he wants you. He wants your attention, he just happens to have the best leverage he can get.”

“And what!?” Rita shot, “Y/n just becomes collateral damage?”

“It won’t come to that.” Olivia replied, “Rollins is right. Let’s get eyes on that beach house from last time. Go!” With that last urgency, the squad scattered, and fast. Liv turned back to the one woman left in her office, “Rita…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I wish I could promise you that she won’t be hurt but…”

“Just get her back to me. Please.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Tears flooded into Rita’s eyes, her previous anger burnt off, replaced with absolute terror of what this monster was capable of. If he could do as much damage to Benson as she’d seen, she didn’t even want to think about how you were going to come out of this…if you were going to at all.

*

A sudden burning against your abdomen wrenched you out of your unconscious state, a scream muffled by the duct tape over your lips.

“There she is.” The man chuckled, tossing the car’s cigarette lighter back to the front seat, “I thought I mighta’ hit you too hard princess.” You squirmed away as he traced down the side of your face with a stolen scalpel, “I’m gonna take this tape off now. If you so much as think about making a noise you’re dead you hear me?” He cocked an eye brow and you nodded, “good girl.” He stashed the scalpel into the front pocket of your scrub top, “we’ll save that for later.”

You gasped for air the second the tape was off, your head still throbbing from the earlier hit you’d taken. Lewis tugged you out of the back seat of the car, you stumbled on your feet, having been shoved into such an uncomfortable angle for so long. You appeared to be at an off the beaten track gas station, he’d parked around back, a curve of trees hiding you from view from the highway. There was a second car parked nearby, you didn’t miss the trail of blood leading from it to the trunk of Sophie’s, trembling at the thought. Lewis chuckled as he quickly led you to the backseat of the stolen one.

“You’re much more compliant than Captain Benson was. It’s a shame she didn’t tell me she had a daughter…you’re much more my type.”

“Wh-“ you were cut off suddenly by another piece of tape sealing your lips shut. What did Liv have to do with this? Your brain scrambled as he roughly shoved you into the backseat, it suddenly became very clear when you remembered Sophie’s words to you earlier that afternoon. Multiple rapes and murders….a kidnapped cop. That cop had to be Olivia. You felt your eyes burn with tears, a shaky breath trying to escape you as you did your best not to think of what this man had in store for you. You half watched him pop the trunk, not liking the sound of the low whistle and laughter coming from that direction as he viewed its contents. You jolted when he reappeared in the doorway,

“These are gonna be much more fun, don’t ya think princess?” In his hand was a small collection of what looked like hunting or fishing knives. You specifically cringed at the serrated blade of one of them, not wanting to have any idea of what it felt like. He tossed all but one into the passanger seat, “shall we try this one out first?”

You instinctively jerked when his bony hand enclosed around your ankle, you were tempted to try and kick his face but you knew that wouldn’t do much good considering your position, your hands were bound, and he had a weapon in his hands, you wouldn’t make it far. The knife slipped under the leg of your pants, his hand swiftly moving upwards as it sliced through the fabric, he twisted it at the end, slicing into your thigh. The tears burning in your eyes began to slip through the cracks, streaking your face as the blood slowly leaked onto the torn fabric of your pants.

“Yeah…these’ll work much better.” Lewis laughed,  slamming the back door shut before he moved to the drivers seat. “You’re such a good playmate princess.” Even just his gaze made you squirm, there had been no doubt in your mind that this man was a fucking monster earlier, but you were praying that somewhere down the road, he would fuck up, preferably sooner rather than later.

*

Back at the precinct Rita’s hands were shaking in her lap. In hindsight maybe that fourth cup of coffee wasn’t a good idea after all. It’s not like she was having trouble staying alert right now, her brain was shooting all of the horrible thoughts it could at her about what was potentially happening to you right now. She remembered hearing about his last case, the damage he’d done to so many people, Olivia included. While the other woman had never opened up about it to her, she knew her injuries had been bad, and she knew that Lewis enjoyed torturing his victims. For the sake of your sanity, there was a part of her that wished he would accidentally fuck up, killing you instantly. At least then she would know you hadn’t suffered too much.

They’d found your phone on the side of the road where Lewis had ditched it after calling Liv, it wasn’t far from the hospital, but gave them a general idea that he might be heading South, though that didn’t make much sense. It was close enough to the Williamsburg Bridge that he could have potentially trapped himself on the peninsula and they began flooding the zone with uni’s.

Sophie’s car turned up at an isolated gas station fourty five minutes later. There was blood and hair in the backseat, and worst of all, a dead body in the trunk. They managed to thankfully ID him, and put a bolo out on all and any vehicles he owned the squad knew time was of the essence and they were slowly running out as the sun sank over the city.

Olivia glanced across the squad room, through the door to her office, as worried as she was about you, she knew Rita was absolutely terrified, and she couldn’t blame her. While Rita may not have been privy to exactly how dirty Lewis liked to play, that was still the love of her life being held captive with some psychopath. The one she’d waited so long to find, the one who made her incredibly soft, loving, the complete opposite of the woman she was on the outside. Now as Olivia watched her wipe away a fresh set of tears, hunched over on the couch, she saw a completely different woman. One that was utterly broken, scared, one who probably cared more about you than she did about herself. She was merely a shell of her other powerful, and warm woman that she used to be. Olivia couldn’t let that be the woman that Rita became, she had to get you back, not for herself, but for your true love. She would go to the ends of the earth to make sure that you walked down that damn aisle, even if she had to sacrifice herself to make it happen. It was what you and Rita deserved.

Rita’s head tilted slightly as her phone buzzed, she’d been screening her calls, obviously more involved with finding you, even if all she was doing was sitting in Liv’s office crying over the thought of never seeing you again. This notification piqued her interest, grabbing the phone, practically stumbling to the doorway.

“Liv!” Olivia’s head swiveled back to Rita, brows furrowed as she jogged over to Rita.

“What?”

“They’re in the Hamptons.”

“What? How do you know?” Rita flipped the phone, an image of Lewis practically dragging you in the back door of a beach house.

“Security notifications come straight to my phone, you need to call the local p.d now! Call them off, if he hears sirens, I’m worried….” She took a shaky breath, “I’m worried what he’ll do.”

Rita quickly rattled off the address as Liv got everyone caught up, her hand already dialing the local police to not engage, that they had this handled and were on their way. Rita knew there was no way this was just an off chance, sure, Lewis liked the idea of the abandoned beach town, no one would be around since the weather had started to chill. But there was no way in hell he randomly picked her Hamptons house. There was some part of you that was still semi conscious enough to get him to agree to going there. She was now more thankful than ever that she’d had the cameras set up last year, she wasn’t even sure if you knew about them, maybe you’d just been trying to get somewhere familiar, somewhere you could pretend what was happening wasn’t as bad as it was.

*

When you came to for the third time that day, you groaned, your entire fucking body ached, littered with little cuts and burns. Somewhere along the way you remembered that you’d read somewhere that the more you fight back, the more likely they were to just give up and let you go without finishing the job.

As it turned out, that was not the case that applied here.

You’d taken quite the beating once inside the house, you were certain a couple of ribs were broken, and you could feel even more bruising beginning to form underneath your skin. You’d be feeling these injuries for a while, if you made it out of here. Basically the only thing keeping you going at this point was Rita, you had to hold on for her, you couldn’t possibly leave her alone in this horrible version of the world.

You tried to move your body, remembering when you did that he had your wrists individually duct taped to the spires in the headboard. You’d been cautiously wriggling against them since he bound you, thankful that the heat was for some reason turned on in the house, even the slightest bit of sweat could help melt some of the glue on your skin.

“Awe…you’re awake princess.” He sneered as he re-entered the room, “ready for round two?”

“Please…no…” your voice was hoarse, tears budding in the corners of your eyes. The gash on your leg had steadily been leaking for hours, you felt completely exhausted, you weren’t sure how much more fight you had left in you. He chuckled darkly again, you shrieked as he tore what was left of your pants off right before he wrenched at your body, flipping you onto your stomach. The yelp started out from the pain of your shoulders moving in ways they probably shouldn’t, but grew louder at the sudden stabbing in your chest.

“You can scream all you want out here…no one’s gonna hear you.”

You practically sobbed into the pillow, feeling the bed dip with his weight, the clinking of his belt buckle. He traced one of the hunting knives up the inside of your leg, too distracted with playing with his prey that he didn’t notice you wriggling against the duct tape. You realized what was stabbing you in the chest. He’d swiped your ID badge back at the hospital, but your brain thankfully remembered the scalpel he had stashed in your pocket, clearly forgetting about it once he discovered the bigger knives. You knew that the tape on your left wrist was loosened, with enough force, you’d probably be able to get out, even if it meant breaking your wrist in the process. The cold blade of the knife was suddenly at your lower back, pressing in slightly right as it dipped into the waistband of your underwear, a muffled cry escaped your lips.

A car door slammed outside, pulling Lewis’ attention and while it may only be brief, and he may have the larger knife, you had a much better knowledge of human anatomy. Using all of your lasting energy, you ripped your hand from the loose tape (a scream ripping from your lips at the pain), grabbing the scalpel as you did your best to roll over under his weight. One deep swipe to his carotid and you ducked under your free arm, doing the best you could to keep his now dead weight, and gushing blood off your face.

You jumped when you heard a loud crash from the direction of the front door, your heart rate slightly coming back to earth when you heard Olivia’s voice shouting through the house.

“Get the fuck off her!” She didn’t realize he was already dead, a sob escaping your lips bringing her attention back to you as she shoved his body off you. “Honey…it’s okay…it’s okay. I’m gonna need you to put that down, okay?” Your eyes moved to your trembling hand, not even realizing you were still holding a weapon, you dropped it instantly as if it was burning into your skin.

“Rita?” You choked out.

“She’s here, she’s outside sweetheart.” You could hear other members of the squad sweeping the rest of the house as Liv did her best to calm you down. She swiftly used the knife to free you of your other bond, your un-injured hand cradling your broken one. “There’s EMT’s outside, we need to get you checked out.” Your gaze dropped to your body, littered in marks, your scrub top soaked with Lewis’ blood, your shredded pants lay next to the bed.

“Bottom drawer.” You murmured. Olivia suddenly remembered that this was Rita’s house, you were bound to know where things were.

Swiftly moving through the room she had you in a fresh pair of pyjama pants quickly, taking a moment to hold you to her. Breathing out a sigh of relief that they’d gotten to you before Lewis had hit his limit, and that you’d done a pretty decent job protecting yourself. You did have some of that Benson blood in you after all.

Once you were down the porch steps your eyes were searching for Rita, finding her near the ambulance. She let out a strangled cry at the sight of you, part of it relieved that you were still alive, the other half of her absolutely disintegrating at how much blood you were covered in. She pushed past the barrier of cops as you half jogged toward her, ignoring the pain of your leg.

The instant you were in her arms you broke, buried against her coat while the sobs heaved through your body, the pain in your ribs making you cry even harder. You’d done your best to stay strong for far too long, you’d put it all into fighting back, into saving as much of your dignity that you could. Now, wrapped in Rita’s embrace you were finally able to let it all come crashing out. You could feel her own tears dropping against your skin, her body shaking with breaths as she held you.

“Lewis?” She asked over the top of your head to Liv.

“Dead.”

“I didn’t hear a shot.”

“She slit his throat.” Liv gestured toward you, Rita pulled the slightest bit away, glancing down at your face.

“Am..am I in trouble?” You asked through your cries.

“No honey, absolutely not.” Even with Olivia’s response, Rita’s grip on you tightened as the other woman stepped forward, as if she was going to attempt to cuff you then and there. You winced at the pain, a grunt coming from your throat.

“Come on darling, they need to look at you.” She softly kissed the top of your head, her voice quiet enough for only you to hear, a prominent shake it in as she directed you towards the ambulance. “Did he rape you?” You took a shaky breath, your words nearly lost against her body.

“Just…just his hand..” you shuddered, thankful you’d been so out of it by that point from blood loss and a very likely concussion that you barely acknowledged or remembered it. Rita’s grip tightened around you again, she was happy he hadn’t managed to complete his task but god only knew if you hadn’t killed him she would be walking right back into that house and doing it herself.

She guided you to the paramedics as Liv came jogging back out with a tshirt from the house, letting you rid yourself of the blood soaked one. It relieved Rita to see that so much of the blood wasn’t yours, but her eyes dragged over the other small marks littering your body. There was no way in hell she was leaving your side for a very long time.

An I.V was promptly hooked up to give you some pain killers and fluids while the paramedic started asking you a few questions, you were half in an out at this point, exhaustion wearing on you more than you could’ve imagined. You knew you mentioned your leg, that it needed to be stitched, and you were aware of Rita’s hand curled in yours, the other softly brushing hair from your face. You knew you were finally safe, that your love was back by your side, your subconscious finally encouraging you to rest for a bit.

[hpsaffics]

✨ WLW Wed: Perfectly Parvender ✨

A biweekly HP femslash rec list made by the lovely members of the HP SAFFICS (18+) discord server. See all previous rec lists in the WLW Library.

Current focus: Lavender Brown/Parvati Patil Previous focus: Flonks (see list)

💫 - highly recc’d

—

LONG & LUXURIOUS (>10k)

This Is Where by @kiconwrites [G, 28.2k]

Various moments of Parvati and Lavender through their years at Hogwarts as they deal with self-identity, internalized homophobia, and a Hogwarts crueler than anybody could've imagined

Fate & Jupiter by @thewakeless [T, 24.8k]

Padma is worn out from her Ministry job, and Parvati is tired of pining after Lavender 24/7. So, they decide to open up a potion shop in Hogsmeade but of course nothing goes quite as planned because you can’t stop fate, and you certainly can’t stop Jupiter.

💫 like the careful undressing of love by comosum [M, 10.8k]

In 1993, Lavender mourned a rabbit like it was human. In 1999, Lavender spends a morning spitting the remains of a hare into the snowy hills of Shetland. She tries not to think about what that means. Lavender deals with her lycanthropy and relearns what it is to be human.

These Bandages by medric [M, 10.7k]

Lavender wants to be a Seer. Parvati just wants to be.

MEDIUM & MESMERIZING (3k-10k)

💫 Meet Me In Your Timeline by @mezzaniine [E, 9.2k]

Parvati has a twin sister and a best friend. One knows her better than she knows herself. And the other doesn't know her at all.

Bouquet by @henrymercury [T, 4.5k]

Lavender is hanging out with the Slytherins this year, and Parvati officially has no idea how the world works anymore.

💫 She Was Pretty by @skeptiquewrites [E, 4.1k]

In the aftermath of the war, Lavender Brown rediscovers herself in a tiny flat above her Diagon Alley tea shop. Parvati helps.

Just by JackieJLH [T, 3.6k]

Childish toys and games are put away when one nears adulthood. Parvati always thought she was a bit more than that to Lavender.

Second Charm by @ladynestaarcheron [T, 3.3k]

For Lavender, the magic happens twice. There's the spell she casts when she doesn't mean to, before she knows what it even is...and there's what happens when the prettiest girl in school smiles at her.

For Every Loveliness by @greywarde [G, 3.3k]

In which Parvati finds out that romantic advice can come from the strangest places, even the escaped ex-convict Sirius Black.

SHORT & SWEET (<3k)

Exploration by smilelaughread [E, 3.0k]

Parvati and Lavender have a rather... adult way of exploring the castle.

A Perfect Peace by bluemermaid [E, 2.8k]

Lavender and Parvati knew what would happen to them if they were caught outside after curfew; still, they couldn't seem to help themselves. Two best friends try to find some peace in the midst of a frightening war zone.

💫 beautiful enough for the both of us by @ink-splotch [G, 2.2k]

"Anyway, Snape," Hermione said. "When Lupin was at school, Snape would make him a potion that would… tame him, on full moons.... If you’re interested, I’m trying to learn how to brew it myself.” Lavender shook her head. “We’re not friends,” she said. “Never have been. So why are you doing all this?”

💫 One Day (You Will Be Mine) by @gracerene [T, 2.2k]

When things get dark outside, and the truth of wartime sets in, the Room of Requirement delivers what is needed. Unless you’re a love-sick Parvati, in which case the room might just decide to torture you a little more.

💫 Silence Is Not Consent (or How Dirty Talk Can Help Change Rape Culture) by Woldy [M, 2.1k]

Asking for consent really isn't that hard. It might even be fun.

💫 You Are The One Thing On My Mind by @@reneeandallison [G, 2.0k]

Lavender Brown has two tattoos. Parvati Patil died with one.

—

🌙 Where can I find more Parvender? 🌙

Parvender: Tag on Tumblr | Tag on AO3

WLW Library: Tumblr | Tag | AO3

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Sugar, Sugar 15

[FIFTEEN/END]

MASTERLIST

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape, violence, mean sugary Steve

This is a dark! sugar daddy! Steve fic. Obvious AU so please keep that in mind. :) That being said, it will be an explicit fic (18+) with noncon. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

(This chapter: violence, threats, fear  :O)

Series Summary: The reader is struggling in the big city but find opportunity before her. Will she take it?

This Chapter: The wedding day approaches but not everything goes to plan.

Author Notes: So this is another series wrapped up after a grueling two years, haha. Sorry y’all.

Please let me know what you think, like and reblog <3 love ya

🍭 🍭 🍭

The floor length mirror was trimmed with twisted gold. You stared at your reflection as your shaky hands pressed against the front of the ivory dress. The cut hid the small bump but you could not forget it. Ever since you confessed, it all happened so fast; the wedding was pushed up, the dress tailored and expedited, and invitations sent out in a rush.

It all felt surreal. The day had come but you just couldn’t accept it. How could you go through those doors and smile through it all?

You closed your eyes and let your breath out. They would knock when it was your time. Your father would be waiting to walk you down the aisle. The guests waited eagerly for the most talked about ceremony in the city. And you still felt like just a footnote in your own wedding.

You moved away from the mirror and sat unsteadily, gripping the arms of the cushioned chair, careful not to catch your veil under you. That night you told him, that was the final straw. But you didn’t forget what Sasha said. You took a picture of the broken door and wrote down the entire scene. You sent it to yourself in an email as proof.

That wasn’t the last time. You recorded Steve one day when he came in as you were texting your sister about the new date. You hadn’t answered his last message about your first appointment with the doctor. He was livid and you sat and listened to him rant as the red dots pulsed. You wrote down every instance, every time he made you appease him, every terrifying word.

Then there were the police reports. Nothing more than words in a filing cabinet but the night he choked you was just the beginning. He threatened to break your finger when you took your ring off because your hands were swelling. Then he broke your laptop when you didn’t pay him enough attention. 

As the wedding loomed closer, he only seemed to get worse. He was clingy, always touching you, marveling over your stomach. He checked in almost every hour on the hour when he was working, and you weren’t stupid enough not to notice that the building was being watched.

It was like you were living two lives and yet you were entirely trapped with him. What good could the emails do? Or the reports when the police wouldn’t act on them? You were going to marry this man and that would be the end of it; of you, of your life.

Knuckles tapped on the door and you stood. You crossed the room and inched it open the door. You flinched as you were met by an unexpected and uninvited guest.

“Sasha?” you gasped.

“You’re marrying him then?” he held the handle but you didn’t try to close the door, “the account gone, I heard nothing from you.”

“I… I’m scared,” you admitted, “when he found out, I thought he was going to--” you shook your head. He wouldn’t actually kill you.

“You know it’s not too late,” Sasha urged.

“You can’t be here, it he finds out, he’ll--”

“I’ll defend myself,” Sasha snarled uncharacteristically, “I’ll give him what he deserves.’

“No, I don’t want you to get hurt. You need to go,” you begged as you glanced past him furtively.

“I will. Come with me,” he said, “just go. Everyone’s distracted, they won’t know--”

“I can’t just leave. You don’t understand--”

“No, you don’t understand,” he argued, “if you marry him, it all gets so much more complicated. I told you that day at the café. It will be harder to fight after the vows, but right now, you can still get out.”

“And go where?”

He swallowed and looked down the hall. You could hear the distant murmur of the crowd.

“Did you do any of it? Keep a journal? Something?” he asked.

“I tried. I went to the police but nothing,” you sniffed and gripped the door tight.

“Nothing yet but that’s a start,” he chewed the inside of his lip.

“Why are you here? Why is this so important to you?”

“Because I can do something,” he hissed, “because I can’t live with it if I don’t. So come on. Come with me, I got a bigger place. It’ll have to do for now and then we’ll work on getting you standing, getting the baby somewhere to grow--”

“Am I trading him for you?”

“I’m your friend,” he said evenly, “that will never change. All I want is you safe. If it makes you feel better, I’ll sleep in the hall. You can lock me out and I’ll sleep against the door. But I came down here knowing I wouldn’t leave without you.”

“It’s a sweet fantasy but--”

“Come on,” he grabbed your hand and pushed the door open, “please, don’t go with him. It doesn’t end well. You don’t get out. It doesn’t get better.”

“I have nothing,” you quavered.

“You have me,” he said, “please don’t make me walk out of here alone.”

“I….” you uttered as your heart squeezed. “He’ll come after you.”

“Good, I want him to,” he clung to you, “please?”

You inhaled and heard the voices. Your father and your sister. You had no time to think but you knew it was your only chance.

“Let’s go,” you lifted your skirt and pulled the door shut behind you as you stepped out, “now.”

He held onto your hand as you rushed away from the voices and skirted around the corner. Sasha urged you on down the back stairs and through the maze like halls of the extravagant church. You nearly tumbled down the stairs and he caught you as you came along the narrow passage beside the main room, the guests and groom just on the other side of the wall.

You came out into the sunlight and Sasha lifted the train of your skirts as he directed you over the grass. our heels sank into the dirt as you rushed over and the organ began to play Here Comes the Bride. As he helped stuff the swathes of fabric in behind you in his modest car, the music stopped suddenly.

He closed the door as you were squished in the back seat amid your layered skirts and he got in the front. The engine turned and he nearly side swept another car as he pulled out without looking. You peeked back behind you but saw no one coming down the large steps of the church.

He turned the corner and sidled in behind a yellow cab. He looked at you in the mirror and nodded. You bit your lips nervously as reality sank in. Your chest hammered and your entire body buzzed with adrenaline. You knew it was only the beginning.

🍭

The day passed in a daze. You sat in your wedding dress waiting for all hell to break loose. Sasha sat with a beer, silently, and tapped his foot endlessly. When the silence was too much, he turned on the television but neither of you paid any attention to the old sitcom.

When the trance of disbelief dissipated, he showed you around his spacious loft. He was being paid well by Stark but you worried how long he would stay on the payroll after what he’d done. Steve wasn’t stupid and there were more photographers at the church then you’d seen collectively over the last year and a half.

“This is the second bedroom,” he showed you into a room with gleaming windows. There was a bed, a dresser, curtains, a cozy rug, all carefully selected, “I thought you’d be here sooner.”

Your eyes lingered on the box leaned against the far wall. A crib.

“Didn’t know how long…” his voice trailed off as he followed your eye line, “I’m not trying to be him. You can go anytime but I… you have a place here.”

Your eyes welled and you blotted them with your knuckles, the rough lace of your gloves scratching your cheeks, “you did all this for me?”

“I told you, I’d do anything,” he said.

“But… Sasha, I don’t--”

“I don’t expect anything from you. High school was a long time ago but you made it bearable for the biggest dweeb in the class.” He sighed and paced a circle around the room, “you know, I had the biggest crush on you. That doesn’t mean anything now, it doesn’t mean I want you to fall into my arms, but it means I want to help you. It’s the right thing to do, somehow I made a career of doing the right thing so what’s one more?”

You felt your chest sink and you covered your cheeks with your hands, “Sasha?”

“Please,” he cringed, “I was a teen boy, I think I had a thing for Oprah once. Really, it’s just… we’re friends. We’ll always be friends.”

“I can’t…” you sniffled and dropped your hands, “I don’t deserve any of this.”

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Sasha intoned, “and you don’t deserve to live like that. I know this isn’t much but I know you. You’ll find your way, you just got a little lost.”

“I…” you shook your head speechless.

“We’ll figure everything else out tomorrow. You can borrow some of my clothes for tonight and then we can see about retrieving your things from Steve,” he neared the door and stopped beside you, “or we can say fuck it and you can start all over.”

You turned and slung your arms around him. You buried your face against his shoulder as tears spilled out onto his jacket.

“How did you know?” you sobbed.

“That day at the shower,” he rubbed your back gently, “you know, lawyers learn how to read people and you never were very good at subtlety.”

“No,” you chuckled through your tears, “No, it’s why I was great as a bard.”

���Mmm,” he grumbled, “if that’s how you remember it.”

🍭

It felt like Sasha was gone forever but when you checked the clock, it had only been twenty minutes. 

You sat on the couch with your feet under you as you watched the news and rocked nervously. All anyone was talking about was Steve Rogers’ runaway bride. Your face was everywhere and the statement issued by Steve made it all the worse.

He painted you as a gold-digger, as an adulterer, as a swindler. He was the heartbroken fiancé and you were the wrongdoer. You knew it would go this way but expectation never softened reality.

You flinched as the lock turned and Sasha entered with a bag in hand. He came to the couch and set it down beside you.

“I don’t know about my taste in women's clothes but those should do,” he said as he checked his watch, “we should go soon.”

“Yeah,” you stood and opened the bag to reveal the lavender blouse and dark jeans, “you really didn’t have to--”

“You kidding, he’s gonna be surrounded by cameras. You can’t win his game if you don’t play it. I’ve dealt with his type before, they’re the ones who need lawyers on standby,” he sneered, “did you eat?”

“Yeah, thanks,” you swiped up the bag and headed for the hallway, “it was good.”

“No problem,” he shrugged as he grabbed the remote and shut off the tv, “and ignore all that nonsense.”

You got dressed and emerged as your anxiety grew to impatience. You left the apartment in brittle silence and the car ride fed the uneasy bubbling of your stomach. .

As you came up to Steve’s building, you sat for a moment before you got out. Sasha followed and shoulder away the cameras as you neared the front door

The elevator moved slowly and fidgeted uncontrollably as it dinged on Steve’s floor. You swallowed and braced yourself to face Steve. Sasha kept a few feet back as you walked down the hall and stopped at the door. You knocked as you found it locked.

It was a while before it opened but when it did, you were startled as Steve grabbed the front of your blouse and wrenched you inside. He spun you but quickly released you as he was knocked off balance and sent sprawling over the floor. Sasha stood above him with his hands in fists.

“Hey,” he pointed at Steve then looked at you, “you okay?”

You nodded as Steve glared between the two of you and cautiously got to his feet, “so you brought your little boyfriend?”

“She’s here to get her stuff. We thought we’d avoid a police escort, as her lawyer I thought it prudent, but we can always make that phone call,” Sasha said sternly, “she is entitled to her possessions.”

“Her stuff? I paid for every single thing she has to her name. Hers? Mine.” Steve spat and reared on you again, only to be caught by Sasha as he inserted himself between you.

“You will not touch her again. Those things you bought for her were gifts. You have no legal rights to them once they are given. She will take her clothes, her phone, and any other necessities.”

“Pfft, she’s not taking anything. She’s not going anywhere,” Steve growled, “she not yours--”

“I am certain the photogs would appreciate a show,” Sasha pulled out his phone, “police? That can only be a domestic dispute.”

Steve squinted and his nose flared as he looked at you over Sasha’s shoulder, “fucking slut.” He crossed his arms and stepped aside, “get your shit, get out…” he hissed, “but I have my rights too. You will not keep me from my baby.”

“That will be settled in court,” Sasha replied coolly, “go on, get your things.”

He waved you past him as he kept you shield from Steve. He was of a height with Steve but not as broad. Even so, you felt safe behind him. You rushed down to the bedroom and quickly gathered up your toiletries and those clothes you didn’t absolutely hate. Your phone screen was shattered but you took it anyway.

As you emerged again, a bag slung on your shoulder, you slid the ring from your finger. 

“You can keep the rest,” you said as you placed the band on the small round table just inside the front room, “goodbye Steve.”

“Goodbye? Goodbye?” he spat, “this isn’t the end and you fucking know it.”

“Calm down,” Sasha warned.

“You don’t tell me what to do,” Steve shoved him, “I should fucking smash your head in--”

“I’d like you to try,” Sasha stood his ground, “really. You think the court would let a violent man be around an infant?”

Steve scoffed and rolled his eyes. He backed down and shouldered by Sasha. “Get the fuck out.”

You left quickly. You had no desire to hang around. As you stepped onto the elevator, Sasha softly touched your elbow and you winced. The bag fell to your elbow and he quickly scooped it up and heaved it over his own shoulder.

“You okay?” he asked.

“No, I don’t think so,” you said, “he was so angry. I--”

“I was stupid, we should’ve brought the police. Fuck the cameras,” he said, “from this point on, no contact with him whatsoever. Only through me and the court. No talking to reporters, no nothing.”

“Yeah, that won’t be hard,” you uttered as he led you out of the elevator. 

As you came outside, cameras flashed and voices called out. You collided with Sasha as he was blocked by a photographer shouting questions, “is it true you’re pregnant? Is it Steve’s?”

“My client will not be answering questions,” Sasha kept on and made a path for you, “go, she’s not answering any of your questions.”

He elbowed past more cameras and opened the car door for you. You fell inside and quickly huddled down in your seat. As he sat behind the wheel, he mumbled and pulled out into traffic. He gripped the wheel tightly and pushed himself back into the vinyl.

“That asshole,” he said, “he’s gonna want the paternity test. This isn’t gonna be pretty.”

“I can’t… he fucking told them. I mean, I’m not surprised but… god,” you grimaced.

“We’ll get the test done before he makes a formal request,” Sasha said, “it shows transparency and when we hand over those results, we’ll include those police reports too.”

“Police reports?” you blinked.

“Sorry, I… It’s a suggestion,” he said tersely, “but he’s going to make this a trial by media.”

“No, no, I want to,” you said firmly, “I want everyone to know the real Steve Rogers.”

🍭

‘I was just like many struggling in the city. I worked a low-paying job in data entry and lived in an apartment which was little more than a box. The dreams of the big city were passing me by as there was little opportunity to be found.

Then I met Steve Rogers. Like a dream or a Lifetime movie. I was in debt, I was desperate, and he offered me a safety net. I can own my part in the relationship; I was interested and I accepted his generosity. I was all too happy with the arrangement.

That was until I found out that it was all based on a lie. I didn’t know that he had access to my accounts even before I knew him, that he had used his connections to force me into that dire situation. And I could not know the real man behind the billionaire façade.

It was little things at first. Any woman loves to feel wanted but his possessiveness soon turned to control. He kept me isolated from my own family and did not permit me to do anything without his permission. His affection turned to obsession and when it was not reciprocated he forced it from me.

He took me on vacation and did not allow me to wear clothes. He chose what I wore, how I looked, and what I did. He coerced me into acts I was reluctant about, and when he was too rough, he did not listen to my pleas for him to stop.

When I tried to leave him, he followed me and dragged me back. He had me watched by PIs and surveilled all my communications. He used his financial power to control me and when that did not work, he used his physical power.

Steve Rogers abused me. He yelled in my face, he threatened my family, and he choked me.

Steve Rogers raped me. He expected me to bend to his will whenever he desired and when I refused, he held me down and did what he wanted.

Steve Rogers took my whole life and when I chose to leave, he set his eyes on the life inside of me. 

The only thing I want from him is freedom. I want to live safely with my child and I want that child to never experience the abuse of their father. I never want anyone to know that horror again which is why I have written this and released the police records. I am not asking for anything but peace for me and my unborn child.’

The statement was carefully edited by Sasha. You reread the font across the glossy pages of Vanity Fair, the article spliced with excerpts not only from the police reports, but your own emailed accounts of your relationship, and the whole thing began with an image of that broken bathroom door.

It was two months since you ran away from the altar but life was not a romcom. It was a disaster. Even with the article, you knew not all would believe you. You knew it would open you to doubt and vitriol. And you knew Steve would have a response.

You closed the magazine and groaned as you rubbed your hips. Freedom didn’t feel so… freeing. There was a long way to go; court dates, doctor’s appointment, and depositions. But it was a start.

You rested your hand on your stomach and pushed on the arm of the couch as you stood stiffly. When you were halfway up, you felt a hand on your elbow and Sasha helped you stand straight. You smiled guiltily. You’d grown a lot in the last few weeks and still had nearly four months to go.

“The reviews are good,” he said, “I know that is kinda grim but… people seem to believe you.”

“Seem to?” you echoed as you went to the kitchen and pulled out the container of sliced strawberries, “or they don’t?”

“Well,” he leaned on the counter as he watched you add too much cream to the berries and smiled, “Stark Industries has cut ties with Shield, Inc. and Tony has made a sizeable donation to several shelters across the city,” he cupped his chin coyly as he leaned on his elbow, “and will be covering legal costs for the support hearings seeing as I can’t legally represent you anymore.”

“Oh,” your mouth fell open before you could spray some cream onto your tongue, “when were you going to tell me this?”

“I’m telling you now,” he crossed his arms as he shifted them further over the island, “I thought I’d give the good news first.”

“And the bad?” you put down the can of cream as you neared the marble across from him.

“I have several requests for interviews and I think you should do at least one,” he said, “I know you hate reporters and all that but… with a little Rogers baby on board, it’s just another part of the process.”

“Oh, and what should I tell them,” you edged around the counter towards him, “that I moved? That I found someone better?” He turned to you, his lips curved as he leaned in and you turned your face up to peck his lips, “or maybe I should tell them I’m single? Keep the intrigue?”

“As long as you tell them I’m handsome, I don’t mind,” he purred as he placed his hand on your side.

“Oh, how could I leave that out?” you cooed and kissed him again, “patient, loving, kind… but what a geek?”

“A geek?” he smirked and framed your chin with his hands, “says the dungeon master.”

You giggled and ran your hands up his chest, “someone’s gotta raise this little bard well.”

“Oh, no, no, she’s not gonna be a bard. Maybe a cleric?”

“No way! That’s lame,” you chirped, “how about… a sorcerer? Ours is a bit lacking.”

“Excuse you,” he quipped, “what was your AC again? Maybe next session I’ll run out of healing spells.”

“See?” you taunted, “geek.”

You drew him to you until he was pressed to your belly and he swept you up in a kiss. You rocked with him as he turned you against the counter and slowly parted.

You squeezed his wrist as you went back around to your strawberries and cream. You took a spoon and scooped up a mouthful as you slid your phone towards you. Sasha stayed as he was, watching you scroll through the emails and piled up texts.

You stopped as one blared in all caps. There was no name, only ‘Private’. You opened the conversation and found a dozen bubbles; ‘THIS ISN’T OVER’, ‘HE CAN’T KEEP YOUR FROM ME’, ‘CUTE, YOU THINK PEOPLE BELIEVE YOUR SHIT.’ Another message blipped up, an image and you dropped your spoon as it opened.

You saw the picture of your sister and her son. You shook as you put your hand down on the counter and choked on the cream.

“What?” Sasha reached over and turned your phone to him, “Shit,” he sighed and blocked the number, “he’s just stacking the evidence against himself.”

“I--” you blinked as tears boiled behind your eyes.

“You don’t need to be afraid,” he screencapped the conversation, “this just makes the case even easier.”

“No, I will always be afraid of him,” you said as you touched your stomach, “it’s not just about me anymore.”

“And it’s not just you anymore,” he took your hand and rubbed the back of it with his thumb, “we’ve been through worse. If we can get through a cave full of orcs, we can defeat Steve Rogers.”

END (or is it?)

[lis-likes-fics]

Yes, Sir | Chapter 14

When you found your mother, you and Valerie walked a little faster to her. She saw Valerie first, a small smile on her face--one that dropped as soon as her eyes laid on you. She sighed as she turned to her friends and asked for a moment. They dispersed to talk amongst themselves and she turned her attention to her daughters.

You didn't even attempt to keep a good tone, her move had gone too far and you were pissed--hell, you were scared. This bitch would do anything to make you feel like shit.

"Why the fuck is Connor here?" you questioned her. You clenched your jaw tight, anger rising in you.

"Don't you take a tone with me," she warned.

Valerie rolled her eyes, "Cut the crap, Mom. Why the fuck is Connor here? This is my wedding day, you can't just invite whoever you want behind my back!"

She shrugged with a tired sigh, "I thought your sister would want to spend some time with him, maybe rethink her decision. You did abandon him, I understand why he would lash out the way that he did."

"Why would I-?" you stopped yourself a took a deep breath. You weren't going to fix anything if you were strung up and angry, you needed to be able to think. So you leveled yourself and spoke again, "I broke up with Connor for good reason. There will never be a day where I would want to get together with him again. I hate him."

She scoffed, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. A kind of sinister smile spread over her lips before promptly disappearing. You couldn't help but grind your teeth, your jaw clenching tightly in anger as you saw the fact that she was enjoying this--enjoying the fact that her actions were hurting you.

"What good reason do you have for leaving him? And spare me the "attempted whatever" you keep trying to feed me. Talking law isn't going to move your argument," she told you, folding her arms across her chest as she tilted her head.

You clenched your hands into fists, your words desperate but also holding an edge to them. Your voice was low, trying to be as quiet as your rage would allow because of those who had arrived for the wedding. "Mother, he tried to rape me! The bastard broke into my house and tried to fuck me without any sort of consent from me. I couldn't do anything about it because he's bigger and stronger than me. If Elijah hadn't come to me at the moment he did, I probably wouldn't even have had to strength to come here for my sister's wedding. As if that wasn't bad enough, when we first broke up, he cheated on me in my own home, on my own bed, and then tried to make it up to me by proposing right after. Then he hit me when I denied him. I had to move to an entirely different state for some type of reassurance that it wouldn't happen again."

She flinched a little at your response, though a part of you knew it was only because of the word choice. They were words that could only be identified as "bad" and have similar reactions to people as a swear word would have to a child. She was quick to straighten up and skip over the fact that you had said such words. She took little to no time to actually understand or process your words as she gave a careless shrug. Her voice remained uncaring and unkind, "Boo hoo hoo."

You faltered at her reaction, your mouth hung slightly open as your eyes widened in true shock. She really had no care for you. You closed your mouth, your teeth clenching as you shook your head, "I..." You sighed heavily, squeezing your eyes shut as you raised a hand to do something. You then shook your head again and reopened your eyes, "You're unbelievable." You turned around a stormed off. Valerie called after you and your regret was that your problems with your mother had to surface on her wedding day.

She turned on your mother then, rage falling over her face as she began to tell her off. Of course, that was the only thing affecting her. She only cared about Valerie, she didn't give two shits about you.

You went to the ladies room to freshen up, to compose yourself to make it through the rest of the day. If you survive that, everything would be okay.

After a little while, Valerie joined you. She sighed heavily as she stood next to you, mirroring your stance as she stood staring down at the sink, leaning over the counter with her hands set on it. "After today... I hope I never see that woman again."

"You and me both," you sighed. There was a long moment of silence before you let out another sigh and straightened your spine, "But today is your wedding day. It hasn't been perfect this far, but I promise to do my best to make sure the rest of it is."

She tilted her head and held her arms open for a hug. You heard her sniffle and told her gently, "Don't cry, you'll smudge your makeup." She chuckled lightly, carefully wiping at her eyes before pulling away. You gave her a smile and told her happily, "You look beautiful. Now let's get you in your dress."

You both hooked your arms together and did your best to put the stressful interaction behind you. It wasn't important right now. Right now, it was important to be there for your sister on her big day. Everything else could wait.

Walking back down the hall where the bridesmaids were waiting for the bride to return, you saw Elijah talking to one of them. They pointed to you and he walked over. "Are you alright?" he asked you gently.

"Yeah," you nodded, "A little stressed, but I'll be fine. Why?"

"Is it because of Connor?" he asked carefully. You nodded again, "Yeah, we just talked with our mother about it, it didn't go well. But everything is fine for now."

He kissed your forehead, "As long as you're safe."

Valerie put a hand over her heart, "What about me, lover boy?" Elijah's lips turned up into a smile, which made you smile, which then made Valerie's smile widen. He chuckled gently, "Of course." He gently picked up her hand and kissed the back her knuckles. She chuckled at his response--not a lovestruck chuckle, just a playful one. The bridesmaids, on the other hand, were just wishing that it had been their hands and foreheads being kissed. Although, you knew for a fact that at least one of them already had a date.

Valerie gently tugged on your arm after a moment and said, "C'mon. We both gotta get in our dresses." You glanced down at your jeans and t-shirt and agreed with her. "That's right," you nodded. You stood on your toes and kissed Elijah quickly before shooing him away, "I love you."

"I love you," he said quickly before both you and your sister walked into the changing room with her bridesmaids. Valerie chuckled under her breath, "Maybe you should get married."

You blushed deeply at her words and shook her head, avoiding answering that question as you rolled your eyes playfully. If you were to be honest, that thought crossed your mind multiple times throughout the day. Especially with Elijah looking so handsome in that suit...

~

The time came for the wedding sooner than it seemed it would. Valerie was worrying again but you were quick to assure her before she crushed her flowers. "Everything is fine. Chris was just as worried as you are, so you have nothing to worry about. It'll be perfect."

"We're going out," one of the maids whispered to you as the music began. The little boy dressed in his suit looked up with a pillow in his hands, the rings sitting on them as he gave somewhat of a bored sigh. The little girl standing next to him held a basket of petals, digging her hand in it to play with them as she waited before smelling her hand, excited to learn that they now smell like flowers.

One of the groomsmen looked down at her--he was her older brother--and told her, "Go get 'em, squirt." She gave a large smile and started walking down the isle, dramatically throwing the petals along the aisle as the viewers watched, chuckling at her cuteness.

The ring bearer looked up then. "Is it time to go yet?" he asked curiously, looking at his older sister--one of the bridesmaids. She peaked out and nodded, "Yeah, good luck, kid."

"Why'd you say it like that?" he questioned.

She chuckled lightly, "Don't trip." She then set him out, though he was nervous now. He stepped out and began to walk down the isle, his eyes looking down at the petals to distract from the eyes on him, although you knew he was also now scared to trip.

"You're so mean," Valerie muttered to her friend. They snickered and glanced out again before nodding at their cue. "That's us." She turned to one of the groomsmen, hooking her arm through his as they walked out. The other two followed suit at their own cues and you turned to Valerie.

"It'll be perfect, I promise," you told her. You kissed her forehead and heard your cue. You nodded, holding your own flowers in your hands before fiddling with your dress. You took a deep breath, clutching the flowers and walking out.

You smiled as you walked down the aisle, focusing on keeping one foot after the other. Now you were afraid of tripping and making a fool of yourself. It was stupid. You were used to being in situations where you would end up, in one way or another, becoming part of the main focus until your boss showed up and stole the show. You were used to having eyes on you, having your every move watched.

But this time, it was different.

It was a damn wedding--yours or not--and you were wearing a flowy dress and holding a bouquet of flowers that told everyone you were the bridesmaids--one of the main parts of the wedding (aside, obviously, for the bride and groom, who were the central focus). The pressure was on you.

But as you locked eyes with Elijah, sitting in the second row on the bride's side as he offered you his most lovestruck smile, all your worries disappeared. Eyes or not, bride or not, there was nothing to be worried about. As long as Elijah was here, you would be fine.

Soon you were standing at your designated place beside the altar as you turned your attention to the bride. The music shifted smoothly and Valerie stepped into view, clutching her flowers nervously as she walked down the aisle. The guests all stood to acknowledge her. She really was a sight to see as all the members of the crowd turned their focus to the beauty coming down the aisle.

When she reached the altar, she stood clenching the poor flowers in her hands. The officiant nodded to the crowd and asked them to sit as the wedding was officially initiated. He began speaking, his words were meaningful as the speech carried through the air. You had to admit, you were brushing a few tears from your own eyes--your eyes which drifted to Elijah as he stood watching you. He looked so awe-struck, his eyes glued to you like you were the only thing there was to see. They shone with such admiration that you didn't really think you deserved at times. You blushed lightly and looked away again.

When your eyes brushed over the crowd again, you were disappointed to have them land on Connor. You still hated that he was here, but you would not let him distract you from the happy day--even if it wasn't the perfect day you dreamed for Valerie.

The bride and groom gave their tearful speeches. The officiant smiled at the end of the vows, "By the powerful vest in, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kissed the bride." Valerie and Chris smiled, she pulled her groom down and kissed him. The crowd stood and clapped for the happy couple, and they separated with large smiles.

You clapped happily for your sister and your new brother-in-law. Everyone congregated together as they started embracing one another--mostly those who were wanting to embrace the newly weds. You hugged your sister and brother tightly, giving your congratulations, before rushing to Elijah for a much needed hug. He felt nice as he held you tightly, placing a kiss on your lips before whispering in your ear, "That will be you one day." You chuckled and blushed before turning back to the bride and groom.

Valerie turned her back to the crowd, getting ready to throw the flowers behind her for whoever would catch them. You were in no rush to catch it, you knew the other bridesmaids were all too eager to do so. As they were tossed into the air, they all gathered together as they reached their arms out greedily in the way of the throw.

You glanced up when the flowers moved into your peripheral vision and, out of instinct, you reached up to catch them before they hit you in the face. Then you sighed when you realized that you had caught them. Of course you did.

Elijah's smile only seemed to widen as he chuckled, "It seems you'll be next on that altar." You playfully smacked him, doing your best to hide your increasing blush. Valerie smiled, her hand in Chris' as she announced, "It's time to part-ay!"

And that's what you all did. The wedding venue turned into the reception as everyone mingled and talked with one another. Everyone seemed to be having a good time as the afternoon turned to evening. Speeches were made, and you said your prepared speech well. You spent quite a lot of time hanging around your sister and Elijah. You smiled so much, your cheeks were hurting--thanks to the fact that you were able to avoid your mother so well. She knows how to put a damper on things (obviously).

The changing sky darkened the venue and people still mingled in the light provided by lanterns and lamps scattered around--it was an outside venue.

You were talking with Elijah, the smile that stayed on your face hurting your cheeks as you talked with him. He had his own smile on his face, that crooked grin you loved on him. He glanced over your shoulder and his smile faltered slightly. He sighed and motioned behind you. You turned around curiously and clenched your jaw when you noticed Connor walking over.

He gave a cocky grin, "Dance with me?" You scoffed and moved closer to Elijah's side. You shook your head and gave a firm "no". His smile fell slightly and Elijah huffed, "You aren't wanted here."

"Some welcome," Connor commented.

Elijah rolled his eyes, pulling you closer into his side. "You aren't welcome here," he rephrased, his lips pressed into a firm line. Connor held his hands in defense, trying to show that he meant no harm. He absolutely meant harm, and everyone knew it.

"I'm just here for the party. I'm on the groom's side," he tried, giving another cocky smile. You wanted to punch him as you replied, "You're not on anyone's side but my mother's. Get lost."

Connor raised a brow and asked, "Can I get lost in your eyes?"

You scoffed and rolled your eyes, holding closer to Elijah, "Get the fuck out." You pointed toward the exit and he, again, raised his hands in defense as he walked away. You and Elijah walked in the opposite direction. Elijah shot him a warning look, his glare burning a hole in Connor's back.

He kissed the side of your head to reassure you. He spoke in a quiet, comforting tone, "Everything will be fine. Let's just enjoy the party, alright?" You looked up at him, letting a smile grace your lips again as you nodded.

"Will you dance with me?" he asked, holding a hand out for you to take. You nodded again, standing on your toes to kiss him, "Yes, Sir."

He smiled and whisked you away to the dance floor where most of the couples were now migrating towards. You both began to sway to the music that filled the air. Your smile never left your face as you danced with Elijah, the love of your life. He held tightly to you, ignoring everyone around him as he focused on you and only you.

You relished in the safe feeling Elijah gave to you, soaking in the love you could feel pouring off of him. You breathed in Elijah's familiar scent as you laid your head on his chest. He smelled of his usual scent, his light signature cologne and something that could only be described as entirely him. There was also the faintest smell of sex that lingered on him--a scent you added onto him.

Connor watched from the open bar, leaning on the counter with an untouched glass in front of him as his eyes lingered on the pair of you. His gaze was filled with such jealousy and hatred, his jaw repeatedly clenched as he watch you dance. Elijah placed a soft kiss to your forehead, his arms tightening around you as the held you close, and Connor wanted nothing more than to rip his head off for it.

One of his hands was behind his back, up under his suit as he grasped a hard handle--one turned warm from the constant touch of his hand on it. His other hand was fidgeting, he was skittish but his eyes were glued to you.

When the music faded out, you and Elijah lingered a moment before he pulled you off the dance floor. Your attention was caught by Valerie, who eagerly called you over to show you something. As you walked over, Elijah gently took hold of you and turned you around, kissing you deeply. You were quick to melt into the kiss, unable to help yourself as you found solace in the taste of him. When you pulled away, you were chuckling. He told you gently, "I love you."

You smiled, kissing him again, "I love you too."

As Connor watched the words fall from your lips, he didn't need to hear you to know what you were saying. His anger flared and he gripped the hard handle tight before pulling the gun. Those who were near him gasped as they moved away quickly, one of the women screaming as people's attention were caught.

Elijah saw the gun aimed at the pair of you and heard the loud bang. As everything seemed to move slowly, you panicked. Elijah tried to shove you behind him, but you weren't about to let him as you shoved him out of the way with as much force as you could muster. Elijah lost his footing momentarily as you put yourself in the way of the bullet in the process.

Elijah's eyes widened and he was rushing to you before you had the chance to feel the bullet lodge in your side. You didn't have the mind to comprehend the pain that had yet to come as people rushed to both you and Connor. A couple of the guys tackled him to the ground, the gun falling from his grip and clattering to the ground.

It wasn't until you looked down at the blood that was staining your dress that you suddenly felt the pain rip through your body. You were next to start falling to the ground, but Elijah got to you before you could. He slowly laid you down as he leaned over you, his eyes already clouding with tears as he threaten to start sobbing.

There was a high pitched ringing in your ears, so it took a while for you to understand what he was saying. Valerie rushed over to you quickly, down by your side in no time as the distress filled her features. It was a moment before you finally heard the sounds a little clearer, although Elijah's was the clearest of them all. "Y/N! Look at me, you'll be okay. Everything will be fine." His words seemed like he was trying to assure himself, you were a little too unresponsive to actually let his words sink in.

"You idiot!" she yelled at you, "Why the hell would you jump in front of a bullet?"

You went to speak, but a cough came instead as you began to taste blood on your tongue. You spoke around the coughs, "Elijah..." She gave a sad shake of her head in response, her thumb stroking your face. Valerie had to take a deep breath before she could allow her medical mode sink in. Her face shifted slightly as she started to assess the wound.

Valerie spoke, her voice a demand as she switched over to being a doctor. "Call the ambulance!" Chris and several other people listened as they began to dial the number. Elijah was focusing on keeping you awake.

"She's losing a blood fast," Valerie spoke under her breath. "I need towels!" Chris rushed over in no time with a couple of towels in his hand. She grabbed it and carefully pushed against the wound, earning a groan from you as she added the pressure.

Your mother finally came over, standing a little bit away as she looked as if she was trying to figure out how to help. Elijah placed a hand on the side of your face and you noticed the tear that succeeded in running down his face. He offered a pained smile, "Hey, look at me. I need you to stay awake, alright? Just stay awake for me, my dear."

You nodded a best as you could, keeping your drooping as open as you muttered, "Yes, sir..." He pressed a kiss against your forehead, his eyes wandering back and forth from your face to the wound in your side.

Valerie wet one of the towels and handed it to Elijah and he began to dab at your forehead where sweat was beginning to collect. He noticed your eyes drooping, threatening to close as he shook his head, "Hey, keep your eyes open. Look at me." You tried to listen, but it was so hard to. You wanted to rest your eyes, just for a moment. Just a moment...

He told you quickly, "I love you, alright? You can't leave me. Always and forever, that's what we said." You nodded again, "I... I love you, Lij..."

You could hear the sirens in the distant as they rushed over to get to you. You were just barely keeping conscious as Elijah continued to talk to you, determined on keeping you awake. "You know how hard it was to find an assistant?" he joked with you, "There will be so much work for me. I'd have to organize things on my own. I don't want to have to start reading documents now."

You gave a weak chuckle, "How dreadful..." You managed to crack a smile from him and he wiped quickly at his eyes, "I need you here. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"I can't... leave you. You wouldn't function... without me," you managed, chuckling lightly but breaking into a light couch right after.

"You're right, I wouldn't," he laughed. You blinked slowly, the loss of blood getting to your head. "Need to rest," you muttered, "My eyes are...heavy."

He set his hand back on your cheek, "No, no, keep your eyes open. Keep looking at me. Remember when you said my eyes were beautiful?"

You nodded again and he smiled, "Keep looking at them." His eyes, which were usually a deep chocolate, were now clear topaz and glossy with tears. They were glistening as they watched you, filled with so much fear that you felt guilty.

"You're beautiful," you whispered. You brought a hand to the side of his cheek and he held it there. His eyes were torn from you when he looked up, relief flooding his features when the medics finally arrived with the police. You grasped Elijah's hand tightly in yours. They got to you quickly, lifting you onto a gurney with Valerie and Elijah following. They instantly recognized Valerie--she was a doctor at the hospital, after all.

They let Elijah ride with you, considering you were using all of your strength to hold onto Elijah and refused to let go for anything. He was keeping you as conscious as possible throughout the ride, but you were slipping fast. The medics listened to Valerie as she told them what happened and what state you were in.

At some point, you couldn't keep your eyes open any longer as they drifted closed. Elijah was trying to keep you awake, and the only assurance that you hadn't completely fallen asleep was the fact that you were still gripping him tight and you hummed to some of the words he tried getting to you.

Soon enough, you arrived at the hospital and rushed you inside. Elijah tried to go with you, he didn't want to leave your side, but they made him wait. He listened reluctantly, promising you with a kiss to your forehead that he loved you. Those were the last words you heard before you drifted completely.

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Nili’s Benchmark Geraskier Fic Rec List

hey yall! I officially hit 750 followers (a few days ago, I blew past the benchmark without even realizing!), which is... insane. I truly can’t believe that so many people over the last year have enjoyed my presence in this fandom enough to continue to follow my work. you guys are so great and I love you all so much, so I decided to put together a gift for you!

this is a list of my favorite geraskier fics from the fandom, which I have been putting together over the last year or so. a few of these are big in the fandom, but a lot of them are smaller pieces that I feel deserve more attention! I have provided ao3 and tumblr links where I could find them, as well as ratings and summaries. Most of these are canon!verse because I’m not personally a big fan of modern au’s, but there will be a few of those scattered throughout as well. I’ve divided the fics into two sections: oneshots and multichapter. See the list below the cut!

Being in this fandom truly has gotten me through the pandemic in a big way and I have made so many good friends while here. thank you all for validating my weird obsession with these characters and enabling me in these trying times <3

Oneshots

all that was good, all that was fair (all that was me is gone) | M | 7517 | WARNING: Graphic Depictions Of Violence | @xdandelionxbloomx

Somewhere, deep in a forest, a man drags himself from his grave by sheer power of will. He lies gasping on the forest floor and does not know who or what he is. The world is wide and wonderful, though, and there is so much to see.

Or, Jaskier is so stubborn that he literally comes back from the dead.

Another fascinating addition to the mythology of the Witcher. Jaskier’s slow rediscovery of himself is so well done here. One I’ve come back to again and again. 

As Fast As Love Can Go | T | 9628 | @bygodstillam

There are Faeries in the Wood.

That's what everyone said, at least, not that there was any solid proof. Jaskier had tried, more than once, to find some. Just a hint somewhere, of a real story, of real magic. But all anyone seemed to have was stories.

Jaskier was determined to find proof. He wasn't expecting to find a witcher in the process.

Fascinating fic with some really interesting worldbuilding, and a fresh new take on True Love’s Kiss. Also with some great art by @hehearse!

beautiful, he stirs up still things | T | 2575 | @alittlebitmaybe

“You’re not asking me to dance,” says Geralt.

Jaskier turns his palm up on his knee, offering it. “I think you’ll find I am.”

Just them dancing. This is a lovely sort of pre-relationship dynamic. So soft.

Dialogue Prompt | NR | 2932 | @reinvent-and-believe

Dialogue Prompt 48: “You make me want things I can’t have.” Wordless I-love-you 50: buying them a special treat when you go out shopping

Geralt gets Jaskier a gift, which prompts some confessions.

Even a small love | E | 22,272 | WARNING: Rape/Non-Con 

“Well,” Jaskier replies distractedly. “Lots of things want to strangle you.”

“You don’t.”

It isn’t a particularly troublesome accusation, or even necessarily an accusation at all.

This is one I read early on in the fandom, and it really stuck with me. The dynamic between Jaskier and Geralt is perfect, and the misunderstandings between them feel so realistic. The non-con is not extreme, but do mind the warnings. 

For the Space of a Heartbeat | T | 2021 | @drowningbydegrees

As it turns out, falling into bed with your very best friend who you are privately very much in love with isn't nearly so nerve wracking as waking up with them the morning after.

Just sweet, morning after discussions. I love to see them talking for once.

Greensleeves | T | 10,414 | @rebrandedbard

When Geralt crosses paths with Jaskier in the spring, the world is dressed in green. Quite literally. Everyone everywhere is wearing green, and it all comes down to a song Jaskier has written that, to his mortification, has become popular throughout the Continent. It's torment, being forced to preform the song over and over again and have his heart broken anew. But who is this Lady Greensleeves the people say Jaskier is so maddeningly, heartbrokenly in love with? At the baron's wedding party, Geralt is determined to find out.

This is one of my personal faves - there’s just something about Jaskier’s feelings being put on blast while Geralt remains totally oblivious that I think is so very them. And the resolution at the end is delightful.

I Don’t Wanna Fall (If It’s Not In Love) | E | 13,902 | @writinglizards

The first time it's out of desperation. Things get rapidly out of hand from there.

OR the building of a relationship through mutual wank sessions.

I love everything Ashley writes, but this one was the first fic I read by her and it still has a warm place in my heart. I also highly recommend It’s Been A While (makes me cry every time) and Tell Me Honestly

Like a Storm, Like a Flood | T | 1065 | @valdomarx

Jaskier is leaving for the winter, and Geralt can't bear the thought of not seeing him for months.

It was soooo hard to pick only one fic by George, but this one is so soft and sweet and yearning I just had to go with it. This is really just about Geralt finally hitting a breaking point and saying enough is enough.

one flesh | E | 10,763 | WARNING: MCD 

“Well, then. I’m a ghost.” Jaskier spread his arms grandly. Geralt held his gaze for a moment, then dropped his head and laughed. Jaskier put his hands on his hips. “Do fill me in on what’s so funny.” It wasn’t funny. It was just so - ridiculous, the things Geralt’s fucked up brain would invent. This had to be the last nail in the sanity coffin, it just had to be.

Or: Jaskier is a ghost, and Geralt is a mess.

Jaskier dies and comes back as a ghost to haunt Geralt into taking care of himself. Geralt does not handle this gracefully. This fic is so sad and heartbreaking, but the ending is so sweet.

to render it transparent | E | 23,901

Geralt wakes up warm, peaceful, and utterly content, which is how he knows that something is severely wrong.

Sigh. This fic. This is a time travel fic - Geralt ends up in the future living with Jaskier on the coast, just after the mountain. It’s slow and beautiful and extremely bittersweet, all about how we choose to love people despite how much it can hurt us.

With All the Continent A Stage | M | 4745 | @greyduckgreygoose

Later, Geralt learned that the play was four hours long. Four hours long. It didn’t feel like it. Most of it passed by in a fever dream of ominous music, dance-fighting and dryads in gossamer leaves, swinging from hoops attached to the ceiling. Yennefer made an appearance, played by Priscilla in a glittering negligee. She sang a song to Geralt about putting him “Under Her Spell”, and they had a sensual dance number which was made a little strange by a sickened Jaskier (played by Jaskier) coughing loudly in the background.

(Jaskier invites Geralt to a musical production inspired by his own life.)

Jaskier basically writes Geralt a love letter in the form of a four hour long play. Geralt is an idiot about it.

Multi-Chapter Fics

A Lover’s Lament | M | 25,364 | @somedrunkpirate

So,” Jaskier begins, as casually as he can, “you are telling me, that in theory, if I were to be in love with someone — anyone — that person could well be in terrible danger?”

Of all terrible and ridiculous things that have threatened Geralt’s safety, Jaskier’d never thought that loving him might be what will get him killed.

I honestly can’t count the number of times I’ve read this fic. The monster is so interesting, and the mythos of it fits seamlessly into the world of the Witcher in my mind. Jaskier being so afraid that his feelings are going to put Geralt at risk, clearly unable to see that Geralt is going through the exact same thing. I think about the scene with them looking at each other almost daily. 

A Pair of Gloves, the Scent of Roses | M | 24,134 | WARNING: Graphic Depictions of Violence

In the bustling days before the Midsummer festival, Geralt is sent into the countryside to deal with a monster - with Jaskier once again by his side. But the bard has not forgiven him, and while he's not hiding his contempt for the Witcher, he is recalcitrant about revealing his true motives for joining him. As the hunt turns into a desperate mission to save an innocent man and the monster is not what is seems to be, Geralt learns a few new things about his old friend and decides to finally attempt to mend the rift between them...

This is one of my favorite’s in the fandom - it feels so believable, the world is so rich and the oc’s are convincing and charming. Geralt and Jaskier feel so honest here, stumbling around each other but still drawn together. Beautiful beautiful beautiful

Bearing the will of the flower | NR | 11,449 

The way Jaskier sees it, his hobby of following a witcher around was always pretty likely to get him killed.

The fact that it's happening now because the witcher in question doesn't love him, he thinks as he coughs up crumpled flowers, hardly makes a difference.

My favorite hanahaki fic in the fandom. I’m such a sucker for these, and these two idiots being so incapable of talking about their feelings really makes them prime candidates. 

Food of Love | T | 22,488 | @wallatile-qvibbler

I brought a dead princess back to life through the power of song is the kind of thing that would have got an eyebrow raise even from the stone-faced Geralt of Rivia, so it's a good thing he and Geralt will probably never see each other again.

(or: the one where Jaskier channels magic through his songs, and it almost never goes as expected.)

This is a Jaskier and Renfri centric fic, which wasn’t something I knew I wanted until I read this. Jaskier is a bard which in this AU comes with magical powers, but it feels so well integrated into the universe that I wish it was just... how the Witcher is. Renfri is so good here, and even though Jaskier and Geralt barely even interact you can feel the tension and love between them. Cannot recommend highly enough.

friends and allies of the witcher | T | 10,312 | @theamazingbard

Yennefer crawls over to her newest cellmate. They’re curled up on their side. Breathing, but only just. She’s not sure what she’s hoping for when she turns them over. Still isn’t when she sees that it is indeed Jaskier.

“Shit."

Yennefer and Jaskier each suffer in more ways than one at the hands of Nilfgaard.

Yennefer and Jaskier get capture by Nilfgaard and tossed into a cell together. Exactly what I want out of season 2 honestly. Their interactions are gold.

I’d Be the Choiceless Hope | E | 45,188 | WARNING: Rape/Non-Con | @lesdemonium

As a baby, Jaskier was visited by a fae, who gifted Jaskier's mother with Jaskier's obedience. As Jaskier grew older, the "gift" became more of a curse.

You know I’m not gonna make a rec list without listing Zoe’s Ella Enchanted au. Need I say more?

Silver and Copper | M | 56,139 | WARNING: Graphic Depictions of Violence | @kaer-cuan

Geralt is just supposed to pass through the quiet Lettenhove area. He's not anticipating being begged by its people to help save their viscount from a curse that keeps him from daylight. Lord Jaskier, they call him, and he's likely dying.

As Geralt struggles to untangle the ugly web of history that has lead to the increasingly complicated curse, he finds himself spending more and more time with the strange young viscount and wondering just what he might have been before the curse, and who he might be after. But things are not always as they seem, and as the curse tightens its grip on Jaskier, Geralt is forced to face the fear of failing yet another person whose choices were stolen from them.

Or-

Jaskier is kept from becoming a bard. Geralt finds him anyway.

This is a fic that haunts me. It’s very scary in parts, and mind the tags - there are some very heavy themes here. But it’s beautiful and touching, and Jaskier feels very true to himself even though his origin is so different.

we could be married (and then we'd be happy) | E | 50,222 | @a-kind-of-merry-war

Jaskier reached into his pocket, fingers grasping around the little box. He pulled it out with what he hoped was a romantic flourish, flipping it open to reveal the simple gold band inside. “Geralt,” he said, confidently, cooly, like this wasn’t terrifying, “Will you marry me?”

Geralt and Jaskier fake marriage proposals to get free deserts and shit but it goes tits up when Vesemir catches them in the act. Not knowing how to fess up, they go along with it for a while, which is hell because they’re both pining like mad. As I said, I don’t love modern au’s, but it’s merry so of course this one had to end up on my list.

~

And that’s it! 20 fics for you, and hopefully you can all find one or two you haven’t read before. There are a lot of people and fics that I didn’t include in this list only because I was trying to not put a million down (which I could). I highly recommend anything by @wherethewordsare, @julek, @contemplativepancakes, @witcher-and-his-bard, and @inber, as well as those linked to fics above, and I’m sure there are others I forgot to mention. Yall have truly made being in this fandom worthwhile <3