#time to 'talk' whatever that means oh no
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miscellaneous au doodles + a VERY self indulgent song lyric comic :D
+ extra evil comic below the cut :
"chil!" "don't look at me like that..."
#ill be honest this is all so self indulgent that its embarrassing but whatever. peace and love. i will live my truth#yes the song lyric comic is childhood friends t4t chilchuck + his wife. what of it.#yes i also put chilaios. SUE ME OKAY#anyways im really proud of that first comic i think i did the format justice#also to the fellow filipinos out there i salute to you all#if anyone who doesnt speak filipino google translates the song and talks to me about it i will uhhhhhh. kiss you <- joking#(BUT I DO ENCOURAGE TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT I WILL SCREAM)#now time for actual tags#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#<- technically#chilchuck#chilchuck tims#should i tag his wife? ill tag his wife#chilchuck's wife#laios touden#not gonna tag the others in the first comic cause theyre not the focus#chilaios#<- feed on angst with me. play with me in this space.#by the by im slightly dissatisfied with how i drew that evil comic i think it looks a little weird but i love the concept of it#i mean none of you have any context except for my friend whos working on this au with me but. i prommy that its good#oh yeah i should probably tag this au huh#[ tragedy au ]#<- dont worry about the name. d. dont worry about it.#PRAYING BEGGING PLEADING THAT THIS WILL POST PROPERLY THIS TIME
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tetra is having a Day
#my posts#my art#the legend of zelda#wind waker#tloz#tloz wind waker#tloz ww#wind waker fanart#like imagine you break through a window cool as to save your sorta bestie#only oops oh no some dude the size of a mountain wearing a bathrobe has you by the neck and is saying some wild stuff about whatever#and you very reasonably pass out on account of the being strangled#next thing you know you wake up on your sorta bestie’s talking (!) boat not dead which is a definite plus#but also UNDER THE LITERAL ACTUAL OCEAN. OKAY.#so the talking (!!) boat is like ‘go find the whatever’ so your sorta bestie takes you on a quick jaunt through this MASSIVE building#like this thing is bigger than windfall island and just under the ocean?? this whole time apparently??#anyway so it’s pretty chill you go down into the basement there’s some sweet statues and then a dude in ANOTHER bathrobe appears#yada yada says some stuff turns out the talking (!!!) boat was actual the ghost of some long dead rando who’s like a king ig and THEN#HE FIDDLES WITH YOUR MUM’S TRIANGLE NECKLACE AND SUDDENLY YOU’RE IN SOME MUSTY DRESS WITH MORE LACE THAN SENSE AND ALSO A PRINCESS??#which. okay. take a second to process THAT mess and huh if you’re a princess and the dead boat dude is a king wouldn’t that mean- AUGH#this takes place over like maybe 5 hours including the time you were Passed Out On Account Of The Strangulation#AND THEN YOU GET LOCKED IN THE BASEMENT LIKE????#anyways tetra should’ve systematically smashed every stained glass window in the place. she deserved it for having the Worst Day Of Her Life
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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okay, I'm crowdsourcing advice for a minute, so bear with me and please lend some words if you have any:
I want to get out of the house more. Like, on a regular basis. Weekly, maybe. Preferably, I would like to be interacting with people—the same people—every time, for... like... accountability, but also because I am hoping to put myself out there as the 21st century's most neurotic platonic Casanova. Uh. Making a friend or more out of this would be desirable. But I think if I go out with the intention of making a friend, I will be disappointed.
So. I want to go do something, for that something's own sake. I don't want to go be fake once a week hoping to get a friend out of it.
However, the beautiful state of Iowa is a bit cultureless, and I am too introverted and easily overwhelmed for this world (e.g. going to bars is probably not gonna be my thing). So.... I guess.... any suggestions? opinions? thoughts on making friends in general, or finding good activities as an introverted adult, in general?
oh yeah, also: I am poor. that's a factor. so. signing up a class or similar is not a great option right now.
what the heck, I'll add a silly poll for fun:
#Robin processes emotions on main#Robin speaks#I'm mostly talking out loud here. you know how it is#the question itself is too complicated for an easy answer#and everything will change in January when I become unemployed again and start searching for an in-person job anyway#but hey..... (trails off with nothing to say)#to clarify: right now I'm working part time online#and I'm surviving but my mental health is kind of..... tenuous. I'm lonely. I've got no regular in person contact with non-family#also the young-adults group thing sounds uniquely agonizing. I'm restructuring my entire way of faith right now#and so my choices in a young adults group would be.... either fake it or make myself into an embarrassing... like... Thing#impediment to fun and progress or whatever#I don't want to do that. especially if I'm looking to make friends. it'd be like therapy but public and with strangers and frankly#probably very very midwestern-bland-white-evangelical and I don't know if I can take it... I don't know if I can do it#yeagh#OH. ALSO. BY THE WAY. when I say ''a friend or more'' I do NOT mean a friend or romance alsjdflsjdlkdfjsjla#I mean ONE OR MORE friends.
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THE USOS REUNITE WWE SMACKDOWN (OCTOBER 25, 2024)
#no useful tags just me bitching lmao#i am SO unmoved#im praying theres more to all this than them just speedrunning this reunion just so certain things can line up in time for ple shows#and so wrestling fans with less than one braincell can get the instant gratification of their favwit tag team together again 🥺#bc oh bite me lolllll#so much of this ~cinema~ is starting to feel rushed and im just hoping theres turns or angles or REASONS for it#but thats asking me to trust wrestling with carrying storylines fully and i do NOT#the things i wanted most from this story were jey getting proper acknowledgement/vindication and apology for his abuse#and explanation for why the family treats solo as they do (and then expect him to be a well adjusted adult lmao)#jey has NO reason to forgive them yet like did they buy him hallmark cards behind the scenes?#and theyve done much worse to him for much longer the new bloodline#you dont get to brag about this being the greatest slowburn long term cinema storytelling and then just....#im HOPING so bad its not just as simple as it looks i am#they keep swearing theres so many more 'innings' to this so idk prove me wrong please literally do#but that still wont make me moved by ✨og bloodline reunion✨#bc what yall mean yall are still the heels in my eyes like why do you have so many family members yall left on the side of the road#while talking about family above all and dont divide family lmao#and i get ~twin bond~ but LORD#actually that twin bond excuse is evil too#solo go bring in jeremiah since hes technically part of wwe canon too and beat their asses together actually lmao#i aint forgot jey saying something like having brothers is great but how being a twin is just different/special#like yeah sure but can you not make your other siblings sound like secondhand brothers or whatever shdhfhjf#ok im done. for now. for this post. maybe.#venting about my interests is fun for me ok#its how i process the information given to me and understand it#and also i like to bitch
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the dead boy detective agency main four are a polycule on various points of the aromantic/asexual spectrum (in addition to their various sexualities), with the various side characters playing the roles of parental figures or talking stages. thank you for coming to my ted talk
#it’s like scooby doo but they don’t have a dog#this is of course just my opinion#but: gay ace demiaro edwin / bi demiaro charles / pan greyaroace crystal / lesbian aroace niko are v real to me#the older characters work as parental figures ofc#then there’s characters like Monty and Thomas who are chatting up edwin but aren’t officially in the polycule#that being said: achillean greyace monty / pan aroflexible thomas are also real to me#this isn’t even getting into the gender fuckery I am putting these characters in#but I felt like sharing#esp since I keep seeing ppl fight over catwin and palaland or whatever that ship name is#I don’t think catwin works not bc of some perceived age thing but bc the cat king is v sex forward and edwin is Not Into That#doesn’t mean tck is ruled out from a place on the chart it’s just not how he wanted#same for monty who came on v romantically and edwin was not having it#all valid and fair !!!#plus the main four needed to get their shit together but this is my fantasy world so shhh#oh and for crystal x charles I think they’re the most allo of th main four so it tracks they had the closest to a traditional relationship#but then everyone gets their shit together and that doesn’t happen as frequently lol#esp as time goes on#like the polycule is more of a series of qprs with some sugar/spice on occasion#there isn’t really a point to this post but this blog is me talking to myself most of the time anyway#dead boy detectives#dbda#edwin payne#charles rowland#crystal palace#niko sasaki#monty the crow#the cat king
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On those nights when Morgan was still a very young baby and lying in his crib (and he was never quiet by nature, he's a combination of Howl and Sophie, you can only expect a walking hurricane of chaos), he would, as is typical of all babies, often scream in the night. It was very rarely a request to be fed or the cause of any pain: both parents quickly discovered that he was just waking up in the middle of the night and wanted to be naughty.
Therefore, it was usually Howl who went up to calm him down. Not because he wanted to, by any means: no one wants to get up in the middle of the night for a screaming baby, and he could have slither out of that, too, if he wanted to, but Sophie started cursing at him and forcing him out from under (their shared, mind you!) blanket. And maybe, just a little bit, he really wants to be a good father - unusual, stupid and cowardly, but still a good father.
Normally, Howl would just lean over the crib and start singing the one and only lullaby in Welsh that he remembers from his childhood: people love to sing lullabies in their own language, no matter how widespread it is. I love to remember how many Ukrainian lullabies have survived precisely because of how often they were sung at night from the heart of a parent's love.
Sophie didn't understand a word of it, but it worked surprisingly well: Morgan was falling asleep in seconds, and she found herself beginning to drift off to sleep as well. Howl would come back to bed looking like a winner, and Sophie wondered how he managed to do it every time with the same song. Especially in a language that was rarely spoken in Morgan's household: it was easier to speak English when both the child's father and mother knew it.
There were also days when Sophie was given the "honour" of calming her son. Usually, it was when Howl came home drunk from a rugby meeting or had some late-night work commitments. There were, of course, times when Sophie simply decided that she loved him enough to let Howl keep his precious sleep for one or two days.
Then she would sing a lullaby that she had inherited from her mother, which she remembered through her father, but now they were both dead, so, well, the song was rightfully hers. It certainly wasn't the mysterious Welsh notes, and it took Morgan a little longer to fall asleep, but Sophie must have been a good singer because it worked in the end. She returned to the sleeping Howl, thinking that, after all, she had two children. One is not even a year old, the other is a couple of years away from turning thirty.
One day, she decided to ask him what the lullaby he was singing was all about, and when Howl shared the translation, they were both surprised to find that the two texts had quite similar motifs: they both featured a shooting star, ancient fields, and stormy winds. Howl joked that shooting stars would never let him go, not as a child, not now.
The most interesting twist to this lullaby story came when, at around 1+ years old, Morgan started adding Welsh words to his vocabulary as he learned to speak, mixing languages. Howl thought this was a great addition: after all, not all people in Wales speak Welsh, let alone boys from parallel worlds. Sophie was not so optimistic: she was certainly happy that their child was learning new words and picking up his second native language quickly, but she did not want to ask for a translation of what her own son was saying, not even from Howl, and certainly not from Ben.
Howl assured her that with age he would learn to distinguish between them and that English would come to the fore, willy-nilly: again, there were barely two people in his environment who knew Welsh, even if he visited Megan often. Sophie would like to understand him right now, but for now she just has to accept the moments when her son points to an object and makes an incoherent set of sounds, and Sophie has to guess whether it is just childish chatter or just another Welsh word.
#I'm sorry I'm bilingual#I love writing bilingual characters#SO!!#Thanks for coming for my little talks#(Sophie is a little bit pissed sometimes cause Howl usually calls her to help with Morgan when almost every minor problem shows#(I mean most of the time they just tried to figure it out together but 1) MOST of the time is not ALWAYS 2) she has a right to rest)#Ben once hanging out with them and pointing out like “oh this one is in Welsh!” and Sophie sighs tiredly#“I was wandering whatever that was a week that's a DAMNED PUZZLE”#(help her pls)#Howl is perfectly good on the other side he's lucky to know both 😭#howl's moving castle#howl pendragon#sophie hatter#howell jenkins#hmc#hmc book#howl's moving castle book#might turn it into a fic one day#headcanons
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Back on my Card Captor Sakura kick and I really really want a magical girl story where the main character is an office worker in her mid 20s but everything else is exactly the same. Power of friendship, cute mascot character, fun outfits, literally everything is completely typical of the genre except the protag wakes up late for work instead of school and sometimes her and her friends go to the bar instead of a cafe
#she has a big presentation but oh no! a monster is loose in the street! Will she have time to save the city AND deliver her power point!?#the mysterious man who recently transferred to her department... what does he know!?#she has to work a little overtime but that means she's going to miss the premier of the TV show her and her mascot watch together! Oh no!#see I think it would be very fun#if there are any series like this (shows manga comics whatever) please tell me lol#fun talk tag#ccs
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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Hey y'all! I have a question that (judging by how my mom reacted when I asked) is going to sound like a joke, but I am genuinely asking because I really don't know what's funny about it and I would like to So the other day at work a contractor called me, asked one question I could (and did) answer, and then spent 10 minutes complaining about his phone, insisting it was a problem on our company's end. The problem is his phone not dinging to alert him when he gets emails from us, and after I gently tried explaining a couple times that the issue is on his end, not mine, he just kept getting angrier and insisting that is was not on his end. I finally said "I'm sorry, I can't fix that. Is there anything else I can help you with?" He said, angrily "Well there's no need to be sassy about it" and hung up on me And like, I get that it's funny he hung up on me after calling me sassy of all things (far from the worst thing I've been called at work) but both my boss and my mom separately seem to think my response is funny??? I thought I was just being professional! Am I missing something?
#the person behind the yarn#tj talks about work#I have been in and around the industry I work in for like twenty years now#(I was around it as a kid I haven't worked in the industry for twenty years)#and I have very deliberately set out to learn the lingo and like the vernacular of the industry#and then deliberately set out to learn how to communicate professionally#and then blended the two so I can communicate with contractors in a way that they like but is still professional#and generally I think I do a pretty good job at it!#but occasionally (like this) there is a communication gap I evidently missed#and it feels like missing a stair going up a set of stairs. jarring#I mean to be fair I do sometimes jar the communication style on purpose a bit?#like one bit that absolutely never fails to make a contractor laugh is when they ask me my weekend plans#clearly (from context) wanting me to say something about 'letting loose' or whatever#I say 'oh I'm sewing a baby quilt for my neighbor's granddaughter'#and every single time they think it's hilarious#and every single time it deescalates them from whatever creepy thing they were gearing up to say#and then stops it dead! they never bring up the creepy thing they were gearing up to say they just make jokes about#like oh any big plans this weekend? going to go wild and go to a quilt shop??#which is both funnier than the creepy jokes they were going to make and doesn't bother me at all#so I do kinda break with the conversation style on purpose for that
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just got a dm abt one of my posts and y'all please don't try and show the hermits (or any minecraft youtuber or content creator for that matter) my posts, i'm uncomfortable with it and don't want any of my posts shown to a cc. if they stumble upon it naturally that's unfortunate but i can live with it since i do maintag a lot (something i REALLY need to stop doing tbh i already know i need to make a tagging system just for my blog that wont clog results) but going out of ur way to show a cc is entirely different and something i am not comfortable with.
no hate to the person at all but even if i wasn't a little silly and weird with it sometimes i wouldn't be comfortable with it, i want my blog to be a purely fandom only space with none of the creators involved <3 please respect this
#which is imo how a fandom space should be#i'm old fashioned and it breaks the fandom etiquette rules i stand by#i ship and stuff and absolutely NO cc needs to be subjected to that please and thank you even if it's a non-ship post#not saying hermits and others cant hang out and interact if they wish hell no but like....#if you as any person with a following willingly go into a fandom space you have to expect to see some things you find weird#doesn't even necessarily mean ship just stuff the cc finds weird :v idk im not phrasing this right but like#the rule with shipping around any sort of media has been to keep it away and not show the creators anything !!! and thats fallen out#of practice the past few years with ppl getting more and more comfortable demanding boundaries and personal info from creators#which isn't right imo bc its like you're trying to see how much you can get away with. u want a guide on how to interact and social skills#which is... huh??? just be polite and keep anything weird away from them like what we were doing#some folks nowadays need “permission” to ship stuff even from SHOWS and shit with no real people and its like wow... huh....#u need it to be canon?? u need everything told to u by the show?? wheres the imagination. the spirit.#the making of everything so far removed from what it once was#like that guy that played nick from heartstopper that had to be outed to play a gay guy. like#idk im so sick of the boundary fandom ppl in mcyt 'what if they saw and made it uncomfortable!! im going to show them!!!!'#you are making them MUCH more uncomfortable than i am by GOING INTO THEIR FACE AND DEMANDING THEY LOOK AT IT!!#AND DEMANDING BOUNDARIES N SHIT... CRAZY.... idk the hermits especially its weird to me bc clearly they understand fandom etiquette#and the dynamic im talking about. most of them understand that by going into fandom spaces they will see things they dont like#which is why a lot of them only like fanart and answer questions asked by fans. even on tumblr !!! where the weird ppl are!!!#they also all seem to understand they are playing characters (citing joel cleo and grian as examples) for their audiences#which is. smth the audience itself doesnt understand most of the time anymore. oh my god they all died in real life in hermitcraft season 8#idk hermitblr used to be a lot more okay with hermitshipping n then a bunch of ppl from other fandoms moved in and its all more negative#and makes me sad. idk...#i never meant for this blog to gain almost 500 followers i just wanted to make silly little ship posts and now im scared to#bc ive gotten hate and its.... bwugh.... tempted to remake blogs and make one thats very clearly just for me and a few weirdos#whatever i went off on a tangent in the tags as usual just pls dont show creators my posts even non-ship ones for this reason#jamies bad posts#talking in tags#serious posts#<- ig??? idk
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What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?
What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.
#my characters#this just in ! thats why all the deities in the plot have collars and a chain !#its because THATS THEIR DESIGNATED I AM HERE TO HELP THIS WORLD SYMBOL#they cant remove their collars and thats fine by them - its a constant reminder that they exist to serve#deacon really shouldnt get as much crap as he gets in canon for being weird cause the deities are just a different brand of weird#like its not deacons fault that apparently you can say nice neck with no underlying desire#but he cant say hi would you please possess me i want to know what its like to have someone else in my body#like thats really not something you should pin on deacon YET EVERY deity is like wow what a lil weirdo#he also just really wants to please ymber so if ymber asked he would definitely do whatever#on the flip side i need to point out that deacon very specifically doesnt ask ymber for things nor does he pray for things#and it drives ymber up a wall because this is his favorite human who wont ask for anything and he isnt a psychic#he doesnt know what deacon wants or needs and its infuriating cause he exists to serve humanity#and yet this ONE GUY wont let him do things for him#this is very important and i cant believe i mentioned it like a month ago to someone and today#i received gift art of these two and i may never recover#its so perfect and its ymber just looming over deacon telling him that he can pray about anything to him#its also worth pointing out that when i was telling the person about the whole ymber begging for a prayer#its because he realizes that after all this time hes never had a single prayer from deacon - not before nor after the hire#so hes like oh well thats odd hmm#and then begins to talk to deacon like you know people pray to me for lots of things#and deacon looks at him unsure of what this is leading to - did someone offer a weird prayer? ask a weird thing? whatst?#and no - its just ymber saying that people will pray for wealth or an item#or they will express frustration if something is lost or broken despite it not being ymbers fault so deacon just stares#he has no idea what this is going to end on really so he points out 'well you do like to think you break people'#and ymber just ASDFASDFSADF STOP OK NEXT POINT people pray to me to bless relationships with happiness#and thats fascinating so deacon is like wow can you actually do that?#and ymber is so stressed as hes like i mean kinda i can simply amplify the positive emotions in gestures#like if someone gives an item out of love then its blessed#he also admits that he cant mask insincerity or malice so those feelings are not hidden nor amplified#and deacon just is impressed bc that is actually VERY cool
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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"Listen, I love seeing you get into it after the whistle, too, man. Because you'll throw down—Like, you and [Steven] Stamkos went at it... you been going at it with a lot of different guys, but Evan Bouchard—" "I'm not tough! I'm not tough! No! I felt bad about that, man..." "I gotta ask about the chokehold, though! With Evan and he's like tapping out! Is he making any noises? Do you even know that he's in a compromised position? That maybe he can't breathe or whatever? What was going through your mind when this happened? And what was your reaction when you saw it afterwards?" "Yeah, I mean, listen some guys like to keep up the persona... I'm not the toughest guy in the league, I'll never claim to be that. I don't fight often. I haven't—I don't think I did last year at all, but I do believe in protecting yourself. You know, I saw Barkov get hit, and it was pretty dirty hit in my mind—in the moment, right?...before and after replay, and stuff like that. You understand the league made the right call, and what not... But, I see him, he's vulnerable, he's one of their better players, one of our better players on the ice, that was all it was, right? Just grab him and do something. You know, I felt bad about it, I apologised to him in the handshake line on the way out, right? It's all part of the game."
"What did he say? 'No problem'?" "'Go fuck yourself!'" "No, he said, 'All good, no issue.' I'm sure I'll get hit from behind next year or something so..." "'See, I got 45 points in playoffs...'" "Hey, but I'm with ya! I said it at the time! The Draisaitl hit on Barkov—Like, he knew what he was doing, he went straight through his head...I don't know..." "It's—No doubt, no doubt." "...In regular season he's probably getting suspended. You know, if that's the regular season..." "Yeah, and you know what? It all ended well, and Barkov was fine so... the league made the right call obviously, right?" "Yeah..." "Whatever...but when Max Domi—years ago...and he's kind-of like pressuring you, pressuring you, and you're like, 'What?' And you didn't get your guard up and he catches you with one...he catches you right in the jaw, you ate one! Were you thinking afterwards like, 'Man, I know I'm drawing a penalty here, but I gotta protect myself so I don't eat a fucking punch again like this, and set myself back with concussions'?" "Yeah, that obviously taught me a lot about protecting myself, for sure. For sure. You'd rather be the first one in there than the last one so...Yeah, it's not about dropping the gloves or anything, but getting your guard up and—definitely being the first guy to separate yourself, I think, is important. Yeah, I mean, that's all I'm gonna say about that."
The Cam & Strick Podcast | 7.30.24 (x)
hey diddle diddle the cat with the fiddle...
"im not tough im not tough noooooo i felt bad about that man 😣😣🫣" dear god our players are acting like theyre not war criminals...ekky notoriously not a fighter hes just here for a fun time its not his fault he manages to get involved in every single scrum and starts ragdolling bodies guys
#aaron ekblad#aleksander barkov#florida panthers#i cant believe we got ekky to talk about the sasha hit...oh my god OH MY GOD#ekky absolutely resolute in his own conclusion but then trying to be as neutral as possible when talking about the way the league handled i#babygirl has his job on the line#“it was a dirty hit” “he aimed straight through his head” “if it was regular season it wouldve been a suspension”#“but also the league made the right decision at the end of the day ig”#i felt that “whatever” in my soul i went oh yeah im sure ekky#i know its your job or whatever to not light this league on fire but i dont have the same qualms the league shouldve been harsher :)#your feet left the ground dont “im not someone who plays wanting to injure” me :)#that may be true at other points in time but in that fucking moment your intent was to injure#i thought id be over this by now but no im still very much not#im still gonna be fucking petty over this shit till the day i die you hear me#do you ever think about ekky essentially admitting he felt so antsy that it pushed him to do something he later regrets because he just fel#so powerless and wanted to regain an ounce of control back in a 1 for 1 nightmare scenario#he talks a lot with his hands so yeah it is certainly something to see him start to fiddle with them as he starts to remember the sasha hit#this is just a fascinating study on ekkys habits and mannerisms when he starts to feel restless#also whyd you have to whine out the “im not tough im not tough noooooo”#man haunted by his past sins but would do them again if it mean sasha would be okay by the end of it#or however that goes
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I've reached season 5 on my CSI rewatch and I'm a few episodes past "Swap Meet", where a woman is murdered after attending a swing party with other couples from the neighbourhood. Near the end of the episode there's a moment that made me jump from my seat:
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two cups. He hands her a cup of tea.)
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]
Erin Brady: Everybody fantasizes about other people. (She glances at Grissom.)
Even you, Mr. Grissom. A neighbor, a friend ... girl at the office.
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]
(The door opens. Paul Brady walks out of the hallway. Erin Brady walks out into the hallway. Sara is sitting in the hallway chair watching them. She watches as they meet and kiss.)
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two culps. He hands her a cup of tea.)
LIKE!!!!!!!
Right after Erin ends her sentence with 'girl at the office', the first time Sara and Grissom meet again, he brings her tea. This might be an innocent interaction but to me it seemed like a nod to this relationship they have where both are into each other, know about the other's feelings, but can't/won't do anything about it (although Sara has kind of given Grissom an ultimatum). I don't know if it was intentional - I'm guessing it is, because I picked it up immediately. I might or might not have squealed in delight.
#csi#gsr#i'm very Normal about them btw i don't think about them 50 times per day or anything#need to talk more about these two here#because im obsessed about them in a Normal way#sara is like. my dream wife. i totally get grissom being in love with her for years and barely holding it together#i would not though#i'm 1000% sure she's bi. but the writers have been cowards so far#also she and i dress THE SAME. yes i love 2000s clothes so what#i could talk about her forever she's everything to me#and grissom. oh grissom. i also get why she's been in love with him forever#i mean what the FUCK went down in san francisco did they hook up and sex was so good it scared them#and now they have to live with that tension and they're scared of crossing that line#nah i'm guessing with these two they just REALLY clicked. like. they were an instant match and they knew it#but grissom didnt want to lose focus on work or whatever and they lived in separate states you know#but oh my god i totally get sara. grissom is such a silver fox. he's like one of the hottest old men i've ever seen in my life#you know what i 100% get tumblr sexualizing old men it's completely valid i'm in this now too#he has this LOOK. whenever he's angry at a suspect. and he looks angrily at them. i'm chewing on my keyboard just remembering it#and his smirks#AND THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SARA#im losing my mind#i love all of gil grissom but seasons 4-5 jesus fucking christ#ok enough with the sexualizing i love him as a character SO MUCH. he's absolutely fantastic#one of the things i love the most about him is that he doesn't judge people. whenever the team is confused about someone#or this persons' lifestyle#he's always trying to understand them and not judge them#like a true scientist he wants to understand the nature of things and people#and he's such a sweetheart i love him so much#like there are so many things i love about him i can't fit them all in the tags. same for sara#they're a perfect match for me
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Y'all can laugh at this real world shit.
#Not snz but...#I just got an email from a client#And it took me 20 minutes to figure out what she was trying to tell me#It said “I ate and no one said shit.”#I'm a life coach/counselor that specializes in helping other neurodivergents#I'm going over my notes like “did she mention an eating disorder?”#Did my ADHD ass really miss something big???#So I send her a response asking for clarification because I don't want her to think I'm ignoring her#I tell her that if she wants to discuss her eating situation we can do that#She is MASSIVELY confused#I am MASSIVELY confused#And then?#She explains that she meant she kicked ass and no one said anything#Y'all...#Gen X and Elder Millennials need help with this shit LMFAO#I'm not good with uncommon meanings of common words#Or short forms of common words#Or skibidi sigma whatever lol#For the love of all the gods...DO NOT make me invoke Pauly Shore#Don't tax my gig so hardcore dudes#Or you'll know that I'm just trying to chill in my pad with some sweet grindage#Why do you think Grimm talks the way he does??#BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE LMFAO#This has been a gnarly PSA#Oh and for additional LOLS#When you “ate it” during my time?#It means you fell down or failed lol#I'll just got back to writing courtly bullshit now lol
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