#this isn’t even getting into the gender fuckery I am putting these characters in

[read-write-thrive]

the dead boy detective agency main four are a polycule on various points of the aromantic/asexual spectrum (in addition to their various sexualities), with the various side characters playing the roles of parental figures or talking stages. thank you for coming to my ted talk

[knowlesian]

my last post and the shameless mountain goats reference i threw in there got me thinking about one of my favorite story beats, because it combines a lot of character work and thematic oomph in one: ed being a victim of his own legend and ability to protect himself by hiding in plain sight + codeswitch into the version of himself that best suits the company/situation he’s in, in many ways but often most visibly through his interactions with izzy.

my take on “is blackbeard real or fake” has always been “yes”; blackbeard is pieces of ed filtered and strained and assembled and pruned down in ways that scarred him even as they kept him safe, in ways that are very sad and often stretching the definition of safe as far as ed’s personal definition of murder. nonetheless: it got him to the place he's at, still alive. could he have done it another way? who knows! that was the way he did it, it's the way he knows will work because it did work.

or: he thinks he knows that. but the legend was never all of ed and in fact demanded he spotlight pieces of himself he doesn't like so much a lot and repress a lot of the things that make him feel good, it’s not helping/hurting anymore. it’s just dragging him down.

so ed is sick of the blackbeard schtick; and here’s the rub. if he’d been worse at the art of personal fuckery alongside the pirate type, maybe none of this is happening. the world never knows his name; or worse, once he gets spotted as a man who won't kill they mock it. 

that version of ed does not attract izzy ‘ask me about my boner for the sunk cost fallacy’ hands, or does not keep him. because izzy has built his identity around ed’s legend; who is blackbeard’s first mate, if there is no blackbeard? who the fuck even is izzy hands, if he’s not seated at the right hand of edward teach?

now. you would hope, in a better world, that izzy would be like you know, edward, the thing here is: you wanting something different involves emotional consequences for me. i would have to figure out my whole life over again and i am simultaneously con o’neill’s age and emotionally sixteen like the real world me was, so you can see that would be super complicated. i have so fucking much baggage and you are just adding to it, and i do not like that. also: this fucks up my work situation and my home life at once, it makes me feel sad and abandoned and itchy in ways i do not wish to label with words because they would be gay ones like ‘please don’t leave me, i love you and i thought it was mutual’ so like... world rocked, thoroughly and in ways that make me want to rant until past last call, in conclusion this sucks and i think it's twenty mistakes in a trenchcoat, some of them maybe life threatening! i wish you would not.

and then he would step back and let ed make his own fucking choices anyway and either do the work to figure himself out in the same space or finally grab those cds from the car and find his own place to do the same, because a shitty fact of adult life is sometimes people cannot be what we want or need. sometimes that is because they suck: sometimes, it’s just because they can’t or don't want to, and that isn't them being mean or withholding. they don't owe us more than the basic kindness and dignity we all owe to each other just because we put in our hours longing for them to do so. that’s some toxic, entitled shit. understandable! an impulse i share at times! but we should never be That Guy (gender neutral) because the friendzone doesn’t actually exist and nobody deserves to win someone else as a prize for hanging around long enough and driving them to the airport. that’s just called being friends, etc.

izzy is sadly currently stuck on being That Guy. so instead of realizing ed is an adult man and can make his own choices, even if izzy thinks they're bad ones, he fucking panics and starts swinging around and finally runs to big daddy england to make stede bonnet stooooooooop (messing with ed’s brain).

and of course he does something like that! he thinks a relationship is when you metaphorically own each other and when you can only be tender after putting your right foot in and then putting it out before once again putting it in and then proceeding to shake it all about, violent rituals unlock love style. he’s a desperate man in a hell entirely of his own making.

and so is ed, in this entirely different way but stuck in his own fucking orbit as firmly as izzy, only ed is trying to claw his way up and out to see what else he can be, while izzy would do juuuust about anything (including lick the king’s boots) to stay the same forever.

that’s some tragic shit. i love this writing team, the end.

[hellyeahheroes]

Dylan is a Mary Sue

*look I know that the symbiote has a name and Venom is both it and Eddie. So I hope you don’t get annoyed when I refer to the symbiote as Venom because writing symbiote 100 times gets annoying and I hope you get what I mean when I call it that.

I’ve been trying to write this like nine times because I don’t want to bash this character. When I wrote the post about how I didn’t want Dylan Brock near Miles, I intentionally left out the reason why because I like the character. I hate the purpose and narrative mind behind him. And plus I don’t want to seem like I bash white cis het male characters when the characters I do trash on are bad because writers tend to make them intentionally bratty. I don’t like Spider-kid, Damian Wayne when written without consequence(he is white passing), Jason Todd,or Alpha. Like giving a character a shitty attitude doesn’t make him endearing especially on a male, I’m sorry. Characters like Tim Drake, Alex Power, and Dick Grayson work because there is something genuine in them that they want to be the good of the world.

Anyways, Dylan is fun to me because he has this precocious roguishness that isn’t malevolent nor out of place. His abuse is actually abuse that isn’t made to serve as his training or whatever nor does it warps his views. And his fandom in Eddie/Venom actually makes sense because he is a kid that was abandoned by his mother and left with an emotionally and physically abusive man who would cut him down. A dark passenger like Venom appeals to him because Venom is like the codifier of misguided anger for misguided teens.

But there is a reason why he is written that way: he is a Mary-Sue. Now I don’t care about the gender preconceptions of Mary Sue vs Gary Stu nor do I try to prescribe to reclaiming Mary Sue in some vain attempt at liberal feminism. Mary Sue is bad writing unless everyone gets to play(Mary Sues work in video games). Mary Sue is something writers in most mediums that tell stories should avoid if they want said character to succeed or evoke if you want said character to be disliked. And Dylan Brock is an example that doesn’t work and is largely getting away with it because he is cute.

1. The Immaculate Conception of Dylan Brock

This is when I knew some Sue shit was unleashed on Venom fans. I don’t have to google it but I can guess that Cates has a Catholic background. Whether he is one or raised one, it is apparent in whatever meaningful writing depth he provides outside of meaningless action. And it works because Eddie Brock, being anti-Peter Parker, is Catholic. Hence the brooding and self-loathing and abusive paternity and motifs of redemption and suffering and shit. But this was not only fucked up, but a little too on the nose.

Dylan wasn’t conceived naturally. In fact, Anne Weying was raped by the symbiote and impregnated with Eddie’s DNA. So Dylan is actually the child of the Venom and Eddie Brock. “But Anne is his mother.” Look, Cates didn’t actually consider Anne so I won’t either. Outside of the fact that it doesn’t make sense chronologically since Peter was like in his early 20s when he had the Symbiote and is at most 29 now, Anne is just a vehicle for Cates’ to necessitate the purity of Dylan Brock. Dylan is the pure child of Venom, born from the womb of Eddie’s first girlfriend/fiancé/wife/whatever and the first human woman to wear a symbiote, I think. I mean she didn’t even have sex with Eddie and boom, mini Eddie Brock is wrapped in cloth and left at the meager doorstep at the sacred house of Eddie. Praise Venom, y’all.

Jokes aside, I don’t know how Venom fans just didn’t go, “Iight, Imma head out” after reading this page. Just shows the conviction of fandom.

But I digress. Now let me regale you just how improbable this is which again only serves to ordain Dylan is the truest son of Venom in all the ways possible and also highlight the very unfortunate implications of this fuckery. Symbiotes bond is how they reproduce. When they reproduce with their host, the end result up to this point has always been a symbiote. For Mass Effect fans, it’s the Asari thing except with goo. Before you ask, yes Symbiotes sexually satisfy their hosts unlike the majority of human men*cough*. Point is that Dylan should be biologically impossible but somehow he is a human symbiote hybrid. And the unfortunate implications of such of incident shouldn’t go unnoticed either. Venom and Eddie have several children and prior to this, all of them have been symbiote. Cletus and Red also have children too and again symbiote. In fact, all symbiote bonds produce symbiotes as far as male hosts are concerned...except for the brief bond of Ann Weying and Venom Symbiote. Gee I wonder why she got a different result? Well there are a few female hosts and surprising none of them have spawned a symbiote child. So logically it can be assumed that woman + symbiote = forced impregnation of symbiote. Well this shit got dark. The symbiotes just became the Jeffrey Epstein alien species. But since Cates swears up and down that is not what is happening, he is going for the God/Virgin Mary angle for some reason.

It’s almost like he is the descendent of the Symbiote God. If only there was such a thing.

Welllllll shit.

2. Dylan is incorruptible and all-powerful without knowing why or how

Okay, backstory time because I never properly explained Knull, another of Cates shoddy creations. Knull is the galactic god emperor of the Symbiotes who created the Symbiotes as a weapon to rule the galaxy. Aside of the fact that his existence retconned the previous backstories of the symbiote, he has the ability to domesticate the symbiotes and make them subservient to him.

Guess who else has this ability.

Dylan is symbiote Jesus, hallelujah. This explains the Church of Carnage/Knull/Grendel/who gives a shit. He is the true son of Abraham and Carnage is the false prophet of Venom. It’s what Christianity considers Islam to be or some shit and both Dylan and Sleeper are about to nail the 95 thesis on the door of Carnage in the form of the greatest mixtape you ever heard.

Look, I too am astounded of the sentences my mind comes up with when I so thoroughly hate a writing like I hate Donnie Cates’ Venom.

Dylan goes beyond being just a special snowflake that was forcefully and crudely implemented. He is the pre-ordained established opposite of the nature of corruption that Knull created the symbiotes for. To Knull, the symbiotes are his thralls. To Dylan, the symbiotes are his pets. To Knull, the symbiotes are a tool to become omnipresent. To Dylan, the symbiotes are individuals who need to be liberated if good. To Knull, there is no such thing as a good symbiote. To Dylan, there is and it’s Venom or sleeper or what have you. Dylan is the forgotten son and the New Testament for symbiote kind.

And he doesn’t know yet.

Okay, this is a common Mary Sue trait to absolve culpability of a Mary Sue character. It’s to say that they are not to blame for being special. It’s like the writing form of don’t hate me because I’m beautiful except somehow more obnoxious. Dylan’s obliviousness to this what is essentially an entire alien species religious revelation is like trivialized because their prophet is a 12 year old. It’s like waiting for a savior only to be told he is a carpenter.

Imma let that last one just marinate for a minute.

Look, Cates did a lot of rewriting and retconning just for his self-insert to become his favorite series and hero to be the second coming. He created this lore for Venom only for his avatar to be the prophet. The intentionality of his obliviousness to how important this is just glazed over the fact like it isn’t a big deal. Just like Cates glazed over the whole rape and forced impregnation thing because somehow that doesn’t warrant a follow up.

3. Dylan Brock is fanboy Cates

Okay before I begin, self-inserts aren’t bad nor are they inherently Mary-Sues. Kong from Ultimate Spider-Man is Bendis’ self-insert. Boomerang from Amazing Spider-Man was rewritten to be Spencer’s self-insert. JJJ is a self insert for Stan fucking Lee like...self-inserts are great. To the degree that they aren’t unnatural to the narrative or overbearing.

Dylan Brock’s previously stated precociousness comes from the idea that Donnie is writing the inner teenager that he was as a kid reading Maximum Carnage for the first time. And I get it, man, live your truth and all. Like yeah, force and subjugate other fans of this series to your childlike inquiries like how Symbiotes poop, I mean it’s not like their fandom is important or anything.

First Dylan is a fanboy of Venom just like he is. And while that makes sense meta-wise, in-narrative it doesn’t because...okay Venom fans are about to tear me apart for this but it’s like someone being a fan of Ted Bundy. His heroics usually came with a body count is all I’m saying and I doubt it would be praised but then again Wolverine has an in-universe fandom so what do I know. Back on topic, Dylan’s fandom and praise of Venom to get him out of the dark place that is his father’s abusive household.

And this is why it’s so hard to hate him because of all the fucked up shit Cates put in this book, Dylan feels like the one character that is genuine and pure in that innocent kind of way. No one hates Dylan and how could you? We all get it. And it helps that Dylan has a completely different voice than every other Cates has written from every other character. Like I can hear the excitement in his voice when he pesters his hero for questions and I’m reading his words. The idolization is pure when he meets Normie, the god son of Spider-Man, and it creates this dynamic of Spider-Man fans vs Venom fans. It’s fun in a way.

But it’s just that. When Cates writes Eddie, he is not only writing to retell Cates own personal past demons but also in the lens of how he viewed Eddie as this tortured soul who just got the wrong interview from a copycat that costs his job. The second banana of a greater and more prominent hero. Born to the wrong person. That none of what happened to Eddie was his fault or really his doing even when he was at his worst wearing Venom, it was Venom who tempted him.

Dylan is that pre-teen who sees the best in everything Venom is: The dark avenger of the abused and neglected. And I don’t want to speculate whether Cates fits the category or not because that ain’t my business, I can see why Dylan would be a compelling self-insert if it weren’t compounded on top of Cates’ forceful insertion into Venom and subsequently Spider-Man lore.

Like you remember Carly Cooper? Dylan is exactly like Carly Cooper. And this is why I like to think of Cates’ run as the equivalent of One More Day. Cates’ retconned a crucial element of Venom to make Dylan necessary to the core of Venom. He retconned the one thing that made Venom and subsequently Eddie go beyond just being a twisted revenge story.

The erasure of Mary Brock, Eddie’s sister and Eddie’s cancer. One is the motivation and the sole good Eddie has ever known. It’s his motivation to move past is mistakes. And Cates then turns the one bond in the series into something...horrific.

Okay, Dylan replaced his sister and Venom itself. His being becomes Eddie’s motivation to be a better person rather the struggle to see himself as more than his upbringing. It’s like reading Spider-Man and finding out Uncle Ben was on crack. Uncle Ben didn’t die. He faked his death. Yeah, that is what this was. So he could evade taxes or some shit. This is exonerated Eddie in the worst way and turned him into a manipulated pawn of Venom. Let’s completely retcon the marriage of MJ and PeterVenom and Eddie, Cates pitches to editorial.

Dylan becomes more than just some kid who idolizes Eddie. He becomes the sole motivation of Eddie himself now. Eddie’s past is now completely erased or made irrelevant to uplift Dylan’s importance to Eddie. It’s too a point that the Symbiote kids of Venom aren’t Eddie’s kids anymore. It’s like Eddie was in an interracial relationship and the one non-brown baby with blue eyes is his one true kid and others are mulatto chocolate eugenic mishaps or some shit that his ass don’t want to deal with anymore. I mean disowning Carnage I understand but come on?

Cates’ self insert changed the entire nature of the series. And for what purpose? To give Venom a legacy just as Peter has one. And that is the problem with Dylan.

@ubernegro

[darth-salem-emperor-of-earth]

Character Interview

Got tagged again by @highexarchs again for this meme so I decided to pick another character of mine for this. :D

(Art by @rayeliann​)

► Name ➔  “Seung. I gave up my family when I left my tribe many years ago.” 

► Are you single ➔ “It’s rather complicated but given to all the odd or harrowing adventures I’ve had with the ghost of the notorious Count Lucio, I don’t think I can say I’m single nor do I want to be.”

► Are you happy ➔ “Right now, I’m more stressed and lost than happy. Apparently I died and yet I’m still here, walking around. I want answers and I want them immediately.”

► Are you angry ➔ “No, not today. Just frustrated instead.”

► Are your parents still married ➔ “They were still together when I turned my back from our clan so as far as I am aware, they are still married.”

NINE FACTS

► Birth Place ➔ “In the Southern Spines.”

► Hair Color ➔ “Black.”

► Eye Color ➔ “Violet. It’s a rare gene in my family.”

► Birthday ➔ “June 29th. Are you planning a surprise for me?” Her eyes twinkle with anticipation as she leans back in her chair.

► Mood ➔ “A combination of stressed, weary, and hungry. I should have eaten more cookies, like Lucio suggested earlier.”

► Gender ➔ “Female. Next question.”

► Summer or winter ➔ “I remember how blisteringly cold the Southern Spines were in the winter and loathed all that snow. I much prefer the summer time.”

► Morning or afternoon ➔ “The morning. I love watch the different colors slowly bloom across the sky when dawn arrives. ‘Tis a lovely sight.”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

► Are you in love ➔ She toys with with one of the jewels around her necklace. “Perhaps...perhaps I am. It feels as if I’ve been in love with him for such a long a time, even though I only knew him for such a short time.”

► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ “No, I don’t. Only in stories can such an event exist and take place.”

► Who ended your last relationship ➔ “I have no memory of the last few years of my life, which is odd in of itself, so I’m not sure if I was involved with anyone or not. But I do recall my younger days, when I was barely sixteen, in love with a brash lad with a similar personality to the count. My parents were displeased with the notion of me consorting with someone from a rival tribe.”

► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ “I may have but I do not know for sue.”

► Are you afraid of commitments ➔ “Not really. I shall only commit to the right person, someone who isn’t afraid of committing to me as well.” 

► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ "Technically, Lucio hugged me first so naturally, I had to hug him back or else he'd pout at me. His pouting face is so very distracting."

► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ “If I do, I have no idea."

► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ "Thankfully, I haven't. My memories are a bit hazy regarding the last few years but I cannot recall ever putting my heart through a pain like heartbreak."

SIX CHOICES

► Love or lust ➔ "Lust is easier to manage and eventually, it fades away. Love though? It's so unpredictable. But... I'm starting to like it again."

► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ “Lemonade! It's such a lovely blend of sweet and tartness."

► Cats or Dogs ➔ “Dogs. And I am very fond of Melchior and Mercedes."

► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ “Just a few best friends. I only want the people I care about the most and can trust implicitly to be in my life."

► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ “Wild nights are more of my thing. I enjoy spicing up my night and having a good story to tell the next morning. Or perhaps wake up next to a certain blonde, fabulous disaster who with the most unapologetic look on his face."

► Day or night ➔ “Day. More animals for me to hunt and besides, most of my work is best done in the daytime rather than being bath in the moonlight."

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

► Been caught sneaking out ➔ “Yes, and it ended badly for me. My parents were furious when they realized who, not where, I was sneaking off too."

► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ She scoffs. “I am far too agile for that. I'll have you know that I posses quick reflexes."

► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ “In my lost memories, from what I can glean, I believe this happened to be once or twice. I remember being young and wanting things no one in my tribe should desire. Lucio helped me indulge in those urges, saying what was the harm in getting a few trinkets and fancy items to myself shine." A small smile stretches across her lips. "Even then he had a way with words."

► Wanted to disappear ➔ “Nope, never felt that way before."

FOUR PREFERENCES

► Smile or eyes ➔ “For me, it’s all about the smile. The right one can draw you in and make you feel wanted, valued--beloved even.”

► Shorter or Taller ➔ “I have no preference over height. It means little to me.”

► Intelligence or Attraction ➔ “Hmm...this a tough one. I’m going to say both. I’d like to have both.” 

► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ “Previously, I’ll say hook-up for I wasn’t ready to commit. But now, after so much that has happened and realize I died of the plague and somehow came back to life...I don’t want waste anymore time or deny my feelings any longer. I think by now, I’m ready to try my hand at an actual relationship.”

FAMILY

► Do you and your family get along ➔ “By the gods, no! Once I left the tribe to pursue my own goals and life, they practically disowned me. I’m dead to them. I doubt they would speak my name to others.”

► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ “To some, they might view my family’s austere code of a true, honorable warrior and nomad as extreme. And I would concur with that assumption sometimes. However, overall, I say my life had several messed up moments but such fuckery doesn’t determine my entire life.”

► Have you ever ran away from home ➔ “Yes, and it was for the best.”

► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ “Well, it was a mutual banishment. I left on my accord while my parents claimed they exiled me.”

FRIENDS

► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ “Well, I secretly hate at least one of Lucio’s...companions. I will not say which one but besides that bothersome toad, I am warming up to the others. Lucio likes to surround himself with a colorful bunch, I must admit.” 

► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ “I am closer to few friends than others but everyone whom I consider a friend is in my circle for a reason. If I knew I could not rely on them, then I wouldn’t label them as a trusted companion.”

► Who is your best friend ➔ “Oh, I can’t decide on that! Asra, Portia, and Julian all fill that role. I can never pick just one best friend.” 

► Who knows everything about you ➔ “That’s Asra. He knows things about me that I’ve forgotten and I’d like to know how. Always likes to act so enigmatic and cryptic with me when I ask.”

[firesign23]

I would like to read that very angry post and learn the two rules.

Okay, so, I was GOING to be all “Here are my well composed arguments” about this, but… honestly, I’m still digesting the specifics of Brienne’s story in 8x06 and getting caught up on “Soo, we’re going with the shallowest interpretation of her character’s desires and also kinda just making her Jaime 2.0: The Just Edition” (more on this rant LATER, because oh it was so much worse than I thought when I read the leaks), so instead y’all get a slightly edited version of the Angry Screaming I sent a friend a few days ago. Buckle up, I am Riled.

A pre-rant note–my husband woke up this morning, checked his phone, and looked at me like a man who had Seen Some Shit. “The leaks were right.” He has never watched Game of Thrones (he’s been waiting until the show is done, and I’m pretty sure season 8 killed his plans to binge it), but honestly I can think of no better way to sum up this experience.

(Fucking MOOD, Jon.)

So, first off, I do not expect a lot from Game of Thrones. The visuals are amazing, the actors are top notch, but there have always been issues with the plot, with misogyny, etc. What has made me so ANGRY about this season is that it thumbs its nose at storytelling as a craft. I expected it to be dumb. I did not expect it to be “Wow, my nine year old literally has a better grasp on constructing stories” dumb. #subvertedexpectations (As an aside, I could turn this into a series of rants about the different elements of storytelling and how season 8 fucked them up, but honestly I’d rather lose a fucking hand and I still have a spite fic to write to fix what I can. So we’ll have to content ourselves with this rant, and if husband ever DOES binge the show I’ll save the others as a reward for surviving the experience.)

Second of all, I want to make this clear that any writing rule can be broken (some I don’t believe SHOULD be, which is what started this rant, but they CAN), but you must understand the rules you are breaking and why. And you can’t break all of them at once. I have seen exactly zero evidence this is true for D&D, those talentless hacks.

Now, onto the two rules for character arcs that should never be messed with because they are SO structurally important, and they’ve fucked over both repeatedly throughout season 8:

(1) A character must always want something. They absolutely do not need to GET it, but they need to want it. Hell, NOT getting it is basically the definition of tragedy.(2) A character getting what they want should not result in “Guess their story is over, we can kill them or write them off”

This applies to SO MANY of the characters right now, but I’m going to use Jaime as an example of (1) and Brienne as an example of (2) because honestly that’s the only plot I’ve followed with any enthusiasm. (There are definitely better examples of (2) within the show, but I used Brienne as an example in the original rant and I’m carrying that over. Because Brienne. Fight me.)

RULE ONE: A character must always want something.

Jaime’s arc has been about redemption, about listening to his own morals instead of the poisonous family first that has been dripped in his ear for decades. The setup is all there–a brash kid who is forced to make a call between his own morals (not burning half a million innocent people) and the oaths he made (to protect the king), makes it, and is reviled for it because the truth is never revealed. He falls further into this “Family above all else” mindset because he’s been groomed since childhood for this. There’s like a whole meta post from me in the Lannisters and abuse, but people better than I have gone there before. For this post, “Jaime’s arc is about redemption, a redemption he doesn’t always BELIEVE in but has been a core of his character from season 1” suffices.

His death absolutely should have been about this redemption. Whether he succeeds and kills his sister and lives, or kills his sister at the cost of his own life, or he gets there and the decades of brainwashing means that he falters at the final hurdle… THAT doesn’t matter, so much, but the impetus absolutely should have been DRIVEN by that need for redemption. Have him go south because he needs to save innocents, or even the family of choice (THERE IS A FAMILY OF CHOICE SCENE IN THE FUCKING EPISODE!!!) Hell, have him SEE saving Cersei as redemption. (I mean, that would be fucking stupid beyond stupid, but it wouldn’t insult me on a crafting level.) Just… don’t go “He’s happy, guess it’s time for a relapse we lay no groundwork for, and then handwave with forgiveness from a female character because…she’s so good and pure? We want to pretend we are deep?” There is no tragedy in Jaime’s death because they moved the goalposts at the very last second.

(As an aside, the Very Dear Friend subjected to this rant responded to this portion of my ire with “Why would they do that? It’s so meaningless”, and all I could say was “Because it’s ~*~sHocKinG~*~ that way. NO, YOU BASTARDS. You make it shocking by laying the groundwork and then subverting our hopes at the last second, but THE GROUNDWORK NEEDS TO BE THERE. YOU NEED TO USE OUR CULTURAL UNDERSTANDING OF STORIES.” This was the toned down version of my actual thoughts, because Very Dear Friend is genuinely dear to me and does not need to know the depths of my creative cursing.)

RULE TWO: A character getting what they want should not be the end of their story.

As for Brienne… she is such an interesting character because she’s SO driven by her own morality. She wants, desperately, to be a knight. Not just BE knighted, but to embody the spirit of knighthood. She gets that knighthood from someone she respects, deeply–she’s one of the few people who truly knows about Jaime’s struggle with morality vs oaths and has utter faith in him–and so she gets what she wants. Great, right? WRONG. We are at Unbreakable Rule #2–a character who gets what they want should not then have nowhere to go.

NB–the original rant here was far more articulate and focused on how this rule is broken, but we might descend into slathering rage instead. Because the ending (oh god, seriously, like I said, I’m still digesting the depth of the shit in this because on a surface level it seems happy but it’s really fucking terrible) puts her in this horrible stagnation that is more focused on title than her actual character. She didn’t necessarily want to be a Kingsguard, she wanted to be a Kingsguard for a king she believed in. And, like, she had a say in electing Bran? (Rereading this rant--that’s a weird phrasing. I’ll deal with it later) But that whole thing makes no sense (“I can’t be lord of Winterfell because I’m the Three Eyed Raven, but I can totally be King” ??? I just… honestly, my brain is not computing this well.) and I just… CAN WE FUCKING TALK ABOUT HOW SHE HAS PREVIOUSLY PLEDGED HERSELF TO PEOPLE WHO ARE IN SOME WAY VULNERABLE??? Seriously, who has she pledged oaths to before now? A gay man and women. Because that was always fucking important to me, and this is just… no.

The ending as it is basically just makes her Replacement Jaime–a highborn heir who instead takes the role of Kingsguard, but don’t worry guys she’s so Noble and Caring that she absolves Jaime of his sins by writing his story in the book. Where’s the fucking vomit emoji? (Don’t get me wrong, that scene is emotional and moving and honestly FUCK YOU GWENDOLINE CHRISTIE FOR BEING SO LOVELY AND TALENTED, but in the wider context of this show I just cannot see it as a good thing.)

I just… look, in my rant a few days ago I’d read the leaks, but I still had some hopes the ending would be better on screen; right now I can’t even articulate the number of levels it bothers me on, so just know that I SHOULD HAVE BEEN FUCKING HAPPY WITH HER ENDING! But I’m not, because it is this surface level understanding of what she desires from knighthood, and there is this… okay, so, I’m articulating this TERRIBLY because the original rant was solid but did not account for fuckery, but you know what Brienne’s ending made me think of? Nikolaj Coster-Waldau’s interviews where he would fight for Jaime’s character and basically get told to shut up and follow the script. THAT is what Brienne’s ending feels like to me, and it shouldn’t.  She should have places to GO and GROW from here. Like, there are SO MANY things they could do with these characters that are surprising. Hell, imagine Brienne getting this knighthood and then getting presented with a similar situation to Jaime–does she keep an oath or to her own morals? Make it a smaller scale so that the answer isn’t so simple, have knighthood become shades of grey she never really understood–she gets what she wants, but it’s not simple. Boom, her story will go on after the end credits.

(I also have Capital I Issues with the narrative surrounding her love life and gender and… seriously, this could have been a motherfucking SERIES of rants. I could do a week’s worth just on how they did Brienne dirty)

RULE THREE: If you make me spend over an hour trying to present a coherent explanation for why your writing sucks and I’ve barely scratched the surface, you don’t get to write anything ever again. Sorry, I make the rules and I have decreed it so. All in agreement, raise your hand.

[lachryphage]

heh. I feel like it’s been a while since I posted something super long and personal so I guess it’s due time, eh? a lot of that is because I know that ppl read these, and like I’m not asking you to NOT read them -- putting words into a semi-public space is actually a KEY component of the catharsis otherwise I’d just write this shit in a journal but... idk. the more someone knows me the more I feel as though I should be keeping myself secret. that’s a whole other casket of worms tho, today we’re talking about gender and sexuality. it is pride month, after all.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about not only my own identity, but also the space I have (and haven’t) occupied in the queer “community.”

Maybe, in a different life, in a more accepting world, or a different body, maybe I would identify as a gay man. 

Now there’s A LOT of qualifiers on that statement, which is why I haven’t really said it before. I mean, I don’t really feel like a Man, and I am certainly very attracted to women, to all genders, so being neither a man nor exclusively attracted to men -- well then how could I ever be a gay man? Those are, however, not the reasons I’ll likely never identify as a gay man.

So what’s making me say this in the first place? 

Before I really get into the meat of this I have to say that so much of what I’m exploring here rides the line of “””problematique””” which is a huge reason why I keep avoiding this conversation -- even when the conversation is only with myself. But so much of my identity has always been “problematic.” Ha. I’m never what people want of me. I’m queer and I’m trans and I’m kinky as hell and I don’t hate my abuser and I don’t give a SHIT about what words people use I prefer to withhold judgement even in situations I understand and doesn’t that just make you HATE me :)))))) and if it doesn’t I guarantee you there’s a part of me that makes you uncomfortable but that isn’t the point here, so once again, we’ll unpack that Pandora’s box another day. 

So with those disclaimers...

The people I identified with growing up were always people who 1) I interpreted as men and 2) were very “weird” -- which usually but not always meant queer. As a child I didn’t often understand when jokes were supposed to be mean. I didn’t see “men in dresses” jokes as mean because I always saw men who were having fun and being cool and I wanted to be just like them! I wanted to be like blatantly gay men, I wanted to be like men who were made fun of for being “accidentally” gay or were queer coded in a way that was meant to be belittling... bad rep didn’t hurt me. Because I’m not the identity those things are meant to harm, I’m not a trans woman. I’m not even, really, a gay man. At least not a cis one. And in general, as a child I just didn’t get when things were meant to be hurtful. I saw people having fun and I wanted to be like them.

(To kind of explain the problematic gender fuckery going on here I’ll go through one scenario so that MAYBE the intricacies are somewhat clearer: I often identified with characters that were SUPPOSED to be trans women -- superficially this seems bad because I am by no stretch of the imagination a trans women. But these characters weren’t trans women, they were how cisheteronormative society sees trans women: as men who are defying sexual and gender norms -- which is also bad because that’s not what trans women are. But the mockery went right over my head so what I was seeing in these characters were what cisheteronomative society sees (men breaking norms) without the judgement and bad connotations and THAT is what I identified with/admired. Is that still problematic of me? Most likely, but I’m fucking tired and this isn’t the point.)

So I found myself feeling more comfortable around boys and men (actually, once again, there’s a lot more than just sexuality and gender going on here but... come other time) and I especially felt comfortable around gay guys. Well. Sort of. While I was feeling harmony and understanding, they were rejecting me. You see, cis gay guys delight in talking about how disgusting “women’s” bodies are. Everything my body has, they hate. And I get it, it’s horribly traumatic to have something you don’t want constantly shoved down your throat by society. Trust me, I get it.

This happened again and again. I’d find maybe someone my age, or some older guys to look up to, that were gay and I’d finally start feeling comfortable and then suddenly I was hearing about how repulsive my body was. Even if I wasn’t trans, that’s pretty fucking damaging to hear in this stupid patriarchal society. Bodies with breasts and vaginas are already seen as lesser is it really necessary to say those things right in front of, right to someone with that kind of body? but I’m not cis. I get that extra layer of disconnect from my body called dysphoria and let me tell you that beast of a feeling really doesn’t need more fuel to feed my hatred of myself.

I know I’m wordy so let me simplify that. I identified with and felt comfortable around gay men more than any other type of person I had met at the time. And they told me I was disgusting.

It hurts. And I am angry. I see gay men and the culture they’ve created for themselves and even though it’s horribly cis and white and fatphobic there’s still so much of it that calls to me. And every time it’s a goddamn slap in the face because I know they’d never want me.

It doesn’t matter if I was 100% certain of my identity as a Man and that I only liked Men. They wouldn’t want me. It wouldn’t matter if I started T, if I got top AND bottom surgery, I’d never get to be one of them. And so you know what? Even if I decided all of those things about me, I will never identify as a gay man. 

I know they’re not all like that. Not all cis people, not all men :)

I desperately need to find more trans people to hang out with, because no matter how much I may have ever identified with gay men, they don’t want me and they don’t fucking deserve me.

That’s why, in different life, in a more accepting world, with a different body, I could identify as a gay man. But here and now, I never will.

[charlyoddsox27]

its 6am, i havent slept, im bored, so im posting a list of the mercs in order of whom i like the most and reasons why, because thats something i should do i guess?

here goes

(spoilers for the comics down below but either way i think im the only person on earth who has never read them before now)

~~~

~~1. Medic~~

reasons for being my favourite:

• fucking. look. at. him. 👌

• 'mad german doctor' is one of my favourite tropes and he is a pretty bang-on satirical depiction of it

• cute-ass german accent

• he has pet pidgeons hE LOVES HIS PIDGEON PALS THEY KEEP HIM COMPANY

• healers are the most respectable class imo and since Medic pretty much started it he's automatically the best, thats how it works right?

• he sold some random persons soul to satan in exchange for a ***ballpoint pen*** and can i just say, fucking mood??? (he is literally the "i'd sell you to satan for one cornchip" meme)

• "yes, Archimedes...I couldn't agree more." *shudders* b oi .. .

• so many more reasons to love this gross old doctor so little room in Tumblrs posts.

~~2. Spy~~

reasons for being my second favourite:

• cranky, done with everyones shit, just wants to be left alone, fucking mood

• he's a spy i mean c'mon. look at the swanky-ass suit, look at the class radiating from this asshole.

• he may be a dick but he has a soft side he's just too jaded to show it most of the time (see: Scouts death in the comics?? real tears. honestly wish they'd panned that out more.)

• masks are hot tbFH--

• he enjoys a nice glass of whisky by the fireplace and so do i (fun fact: france is the biggest importer of scottish whisky in the world so its a nice touch)

• shapeshifting is fucking cool are you serious like he can just. do that. what a legend

• "i have a cyanide pill in one of my molars, if i break it then spit some in your mouth before i die, we can avoid being tortured." *'heavy' bursts in to save them* "PFFTHBTHF--"

• "SEDUCE ME."

• arrogant frenchman is one of my other favourite tropes and this is the most arrogant frenchman ive ever seen

• he's the only fully sane Merc, maybe apart from Engie.

• people love to hate him bc he's an asshole but...come on. after working with all those other weirdos for years, you'd be pretty jaded too.

• as a gross shipper, he's the easiest and the most fun (imo) to ship with Medic (rip me)

~~3. Pyro~~

reasons for being my third favourite:

• would have tied with Soldier if it werent for that one picture of them in the comics holding a puppy over their head with the most adoring expression on their mask??? good Pyro. goodest Pyro.

• doesn't do much in the comics but makes up for it in pure charm. look at that soulless face and tell me you dont love it.

• ambiguous gender ambiguous gender amBIGUOUS GENDER AMBIGUOUS GENDER. she/he/they? trans? nb? whatever you headcanon, it'll never be confirmed so its literally up to your own imagination. fucking ace, Valve 👌👌👌

• likes to burn things. god damnit. they like to burn things, guys. but they enjoy it so much, you just cant hate them, you can only feel a sympathetic joy that this precious lunatic is having fun in their own little world.

• canonically mentally ill (schizoprenia? it could be hallucinogenic drugs but i like to think its schizophrenia.)

• pretty sure they burned a pair of pedophiles in the comics. at least i think thats what those panels were insinuating. "lets open an orphanage and have an endless supply of kids to--" sounds pretty red-flaggy to me tbh. plus they were the villains so, eh?

• bludgeoned a bear to death until its skull was pulp because it insulted their special interest. you go, Pyro.

• for a few bits in the comics they have a really cute family dynamic going on with other Mercs, Soldier for example."Miss Pauling, Pyros on my side of the car." "Miss Pauling, Pyro cut off my hand." fuckin' cuties.

• when they start putting on like 50 shirts to keep warm in the Russian mountains. chubby.

• a gas mask that can function as both badass, and completely adorable.

• just. everything about them. how could you not love them. they're not in the wrong, you are. stay away from my misunderstood child and let them burn things god damnit.

~~4. Soldier~~

look I'm sorry, I love Soldier and he was gonna be tied with Pyro but that fucking puppy drawing sold me.

• absolute gold every second he speaks. he could sneeze and i'll laugh.

• such a dumbass you cant get annoyed at him for it. like. just agree with him and move on. no point reasoning with a boulder. "haha! silly Miss Pauling, thinking theres different types of blood." Medic: "haha yes! indeed, silly."

• HUTTAH *NECK SNAP*

• i'm not American and even i can see how blatantly his character mocks stereotypical Patriotic Americans™. but its so dumb and laughable, its adorable.

• EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH ZHANNA IS A BLESSING. EVERYTHING.

• the first "meet the Mercs" video i ever saw was "meet the Soldier" so he holds a special place in my heart

• (preaches about experiencing the horrors of war; has never actually been to war. shh dont tell anyone though--) *neck gets snapped*

~~5. Demoman~~

• I'm Scottish. even though his accent is absolute garbage (no offense to the VA), any representation is very nice.

• Black AND Scottish?? i mean has a character like that even existed before TF2??? amazing example of representation right there. there are barely even any black people in Scotland, how did this happen. I love it. more of this, please.

• he's a drunk guy who blows shit up for shits and giggles and god I wish I could too, sounds like a miracle stress-reliever.

• his sassy black scottish mother. combining the stereotypical black mother with the stereotypical scottish mother is literally the best thing that ever happened.

• the bit in the comic where Medic explains that Demo can't remember what happened to his eye bc he scooped out part of his brain, and the look on Demo's face. just. the look.

• again, he's scottish, he's stereotypical, and he's awesome.

~~6. Sniper~~

• underrated

• piss jars. piss jars everywhere.

• "no dad, im not a crazed murdering lunatic, I'm an assassin. ...well one's a job and the other's mental sickness!!"

• "meet the Sniper" has kickass music

• ruffled gross old man who isn't actually old, he's just seen some SHIT

• actually given development in the comics + some really good scenes with Spy.

• so suave...so...handsome. handsome ruffled bushman. me like.

• he dies first in the comics but gets brought back and gets a cool-ass scar. and then he's just walking around naked everywhere for the rest of the comic. Medic, where the fuck did you put his clothes.

• isn't actually Australian. thats like one of the biggest twists in the comic. "no wonder i was never inhumanly strong and my chest hair didn't grow into the shape of Australia!!" Classic.

• says "bugger" a lot and i love that word

• he needs a hug, let me hug him. and give him a bath.

~~7. Heavy~~

I'm gonna be crucified for putting the big lad so low but i promise i dont dislike any of the Mercs. he'd be higher up but...ive never really liked big huge tank-men tbh :/

• loveable as fuck

• will murder you if you bully his puny little Medic

• i looove Russian accents omfg

• he like big gun. i can respect that.

• when Medic was killed and he went APESHIT on Classic!Heavy and I lost my fuckin' mind over that shit

• he probably has a soft spot for small cute animals. i love imagining him being swarmed by Medics flock of doves and petting them like "good bird...so many good bird..."

• actually smarter than people give him credit for???

• i really really wish his character was a lil more fleshed out but. that's just me. i love him but he doesn't have the same appeal to me as Medic or Spy.

• his entire relationship with Medic...ugh. yes. best friends and/or boyfriends. all good to me 👌

• he named his gun Sasha and that's adorable

~~8. Engineer~~

• gOD, FUCK, I REALLY WISH HE DID MORE IN THE COMICS. i barely know anything about his character. i like him a lot but...god, he...he doesn't...do.....anything.......

• he built a cool robot arm for himself and AI turrets and teleporter machines and guns that fire magic healing powers and immortality machines, in the 1960s. what. some kind of wizard fuckery is this.

• smoothest voice in the west

• "y'all"

~~9. Scout~~

oh god i really am gonna be crucified. i dont hate him i just. like him the least.

• shitboy

• reminds me of a shitty ex but also kinda relateable in a way

• some genuinely funny bits in the shorts.

• gross horny hetero teen boy with a god complex and serious daddy issues. also, he can't read. the "sex bom" tattoo on his chest will be an eternal testament to that. nice job, Spy. you raised him good.

~~~

hoo boy there we go theres all the boys, all the beautiful boys (and Scout) in order of how much i love them. if i made any errors in my info about the canon, feel free to send me death threats 💙 (no seriously tell me though, being a newbie is embarrassing)

so uh. yeah. that took two hours to write. its now 8am. im still bored lol. bye i guess.

[annabelhallkeelty]

Research and Roadblocks

It seems the more I read, the more muddled my vision becomes of exactly how I want to display my work. It seems clear in my head, but impossible to put into words and draw on paper due to the nature of the project as a 3d render.  

I read the cyborg manifesto to see if donna harraway’s work would inform my thinking but it definitely just led me down another hole of potential ideas (which is not helpful and something I struggle with) and complicated the loose structure of what I want to do even further. The notion of the cyborg, although represented visually in popular culture, has never been fully actualized as a physical reality where traditional, gendered Western roles (and bodies) are challenged, and most visual representations of cyborg bodies are actually representations of “cyber” bodies, which reinforce contemporary notions of masculinity, femininity, heterosexuality, and power. 

This really wasn’t helpful for me creating work, but was certainly interesting. The notion of cyber bodies vs the real unrealized cyborg and the limitations and negative effects of virtual bodies is perhaps something to consider. This week I have been doing a lot of reading to make sure that the work I continue isn’t simply informed by my own predetermined opinions.  Am I perpetuating the stereotype by creating an image of what I believe is the female ideal to the male gaze? Can I ever really know?

I wanted to make sure that visually, I am representing the holistic average of the stereotypical body, which led me to look into the most popular female game characters and eventually led me to some videos by Feminist Frequency that discusses the body diversity in video games, the tropes of female characters, and the female body as a background object.

 https://feministfrequency.com/video/all-the-slender-ladies-body-diversity-in-video-games/

These were helpful to sort of streamline and anchor down exactly the visual identity of the piece I’m working on, but I really was not intending to critique specifically video game representation and started this project based on not only that genre but also the digital contortion of bodies, often self-inflicted, that are commonplace on the internet and social media platforms that perpetuate an insane body ideal. Digital scapes have created an entirely new way of defining an image of femininity, contorted and unobtainable, which I find fascinating. So I also pulled some images from https://www.reddit.com/r/Instagramreality/ (an entirely mindblowing subreddit, you should check it out to see what I am talking about if you ever get the time) to sort of analyzing the general look and body the general influencer is going for. THIS led me to more research on the concept of “open policy facetuning”, or when an influencer openly admits to using facetune and photoshop to modify their digital appearance, as well as the rising trend of entirely rendered Instagram personalities. This is something I have vaguely heard of before, but delving into it was motivating for my work and extremely and morbidly interesting to me. 

https://www.thecut.com/2018/05/lil-miquela-digital-avatar-instagram-influencer.html

lil Miquela, pictured above. 

The tag line of this article was, “Body Con Job Miquela Sousa has over 1 million followers on Instagram and was recently hacked by a Trump troll. But she isn’t real.” The line becomes even more blurred with Lil Miquela, whose internet personality has been moulded into that of a “woke” millennial, known to support the Black Lives Matter movement and Trans rights. An Instagram caption of hers reads: “I’m not sure I can comfortably identify as a woman of colour,” and another states “‘Brown’ was a choice made by a corporation. ‘Woman’ was an option on a computer screen.”

If that isn’t some black-mirror-darkest-timeline fuckery I don’t know what is.

in an article with FGLRSCLUB, Professor Renee Engeln succinctly expressed why the rise of virtual models is bad:“There is no world in which this is good for women’s health. The idea that women are going to be comparing themselves to women who…are literally inhuman strikes me as some kind of joke that isn’t very funny”. I think this cgi trend is the marriage of precisely why virtual bodies are a dangerous game to play; not only do studies on media effects have shown a relationship between exposure to idealized bodies and body image dissatisfaction and lowered self-esteem, but it also monetizes and objectifies the female form to the extreme. 

It seems that the technology of the future has led us farther from the promised genderless tomorrow of Haraway’s manifesto and instead is used to universalize the female body ideal, capitalize of the self-objectification that media platforms perpetuate, and dehumanize the female figure through virtual and CGI representation. How fascinating it is to think that our technological progress is used in ways that are so very indicative of our animalistic, patriarchal sexual politics. 

I read a lot about the psychology of cyborgs in pop culture to help me round out exactly WHAT I’m trying to convey because I believe they all sort of fall under the same category, at least in my mind so far.

https://www.academia.edu/33782924/_You_bet_she_can_fuck_Trends_in_Female_AI_Narratives_within_Mainstream_Cinema_Ex_Machina_and_Her

this research paper about the trends in female AI and cyborgs ties together the Haraway reading and my vision a little bit more. The author maps out the gendered portrayals of the virtual/ cyborg female in Her and Ex Machina; Ava’s and Samantha’s highly sexual yet innocent characterizations and similar desires for freedom are reflective of societal anxieties surrounding male control over the female agency. I have so many thoughts on different papers but i feel like dwelling on research and not acting is exactly why I take so long to be content with projects like this. I might do a part two to flesh out other ideas.