#time is a strange thing huh
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You know, sometimes I think - like, really think - about that fact that I helped pull together a fanzine for the best part of three years. And people apparently liked it??? That's completely potty.
#scumbag monthly#the character of rick specifically out of rik's various bastatds is still very important to me#he's one of my muses#if he was real i'd give him a hug#i know my rick was never a patch on rik's actual rik and i know his page likely suffered a lot because i was doing so many zine things#but i do love that spotty prick very much and i hope that came through#i let him take over the blog on cliff's birthday in 2021! i let him post on instagram stories during our hiatus!#actually those insta stories are some of the rick content i'm most proud of#time is a strange thing huh#me rambling
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i think isafrin dynamic, especially postcanon, is so funny to me because (among other things) isabeau is the notorious Gets Scared When The Horrors Appear type of dude, but also happens to be madly into a guy who, for lack of better words, can be aptly described as The Horrors
#greching origins#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat siffrin#isat isabeau#isafrin#like yes yes siffrin thinks themselves a monster and struggles with seeing that he isnt and that theyre still human. or whatever..........#but can you consider the flip side of things? from a different pov?#siffrin (accidentally did something that scared everyone and now feels guilty): i am a monster.#isabeau (rapidly deciding to pokemon-evolve into a monsterfucker this very instant): uh huh.#or well. he might as well already be Like That if that one snack time dialogue in act 4 is anything to go by but yk yk#pairs exclusively nice with my beloved hc that post loops and bigfrin fight siffrin is. a little fucked up. physically#<-like theres just something weird about him at all times now. his eye changes to impossible shades sometimes. or sparks strangely in light#yknow. the good stuff#anyway that is all about those disaster gays thank you for coming to my ted talk-
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OH ARTHUR BENNETT.. such a gorgeous and intriguing character. terribly burdened by a GRUESOME set of crimes, his light suffocated by a HEAVY century of GUILT. so tragic, so dark and broody, and yet PAINFULLY awkward in any social setting ever
#jrwi fanart#cw blood#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#arthur bennett#OUHH THIS ONE WAS SITTING IN MY WIPS FOR SO LOOOONGwhen i took it out there was mould on it :sob:#BUT i think i was able to fix it up okay#i keep seeing SO MANY MISTAKES RRAAAHHH BUT YOU DONT SEE THEM RIGHT?? THATS ONLY ME. RIGHT?? EXACTLY.#THE KEY IS TO SAY. AND REPEAT AFTER ME. 'FUUUCK IT WE BALL#so anyway. arthur bennett huh? grizzly says that arthur is reaal fuckin difficult to play. and i SUPER get that. i mean LOOK AT HIM..#grizz often needs a minute to think abt what hes gonna say in a way that matches w that Stoic Personality. which is FAIR but also that#ends up making way for awkward confrontations like: the lady in the parky lot. he took too long to answer and scared her away.& I LOVE THAT#arthur is tragic and sad and cool and stoic but hes ALSO awkward and silly and kinda dumb and short sighted. HE HAS COMPLEXITIES#I LOVE WHEN TTRPG CHARACTERS HAVE A GOOD SET OF SHORTCOMINGS. ESPECIALLY WHEN U FIND THEM ONLY AS U PLAY THEM.#I COULd go on and on saying the same things w different words abt arthurs intriguing and entertaining character but i shall spare u. for no#ILL ALSO MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVE HIS FLAVOR THO.. I LOVE TALL HOT BOY WHOS ONE W THE DARKNESS.. I REMEMBER WHEN HE FIRST MENTIONED THE#BADLUCK. N I WAS LIKE OOOHH THATS WHY HIS DESIGN IS SO COOL N CHAOTIC N ASYMMETRICAL. HES UNLUCKY!!! i love love love his design so much...#GRaaauruguguraguhhghghgh what else what else is there for me to spew on abt...i think im reachin a limit here..OH MAGNUS. i hope that#we get to know more abt how magnus and arthur met.. like How they became besties... ouuhh... I ALSO WANNA KNOW MORE ABT MARY DAVIS. LIKEHOW#he also apparently spent alotta time in a zone dominated by edward twilight? all he remembers is constant partying? I WANNA KNOW MORE..#i think i got room 4 one more ramble SO. THE ART PIECE.as i said its gone a lil stale BUT. im still very proud o the bits where hes allScar#I WANNA SEE HIM GET SCARYMORE. I like the idea of shadows solidifying to make him strange and eerie.like TEETH n CLAWS n SPINES n YESS#also the SILVER EYES.no1 does silver eyes like the show Claymore. they make em look so striking and eerie...i also like to think that#human arthur had deep beautiful brown eyes.just in my beaitufl heart.i mean look at him..i wanna cook him n eat him.ANYWAY#i think thats all my ramblin for this piece. now i gotta go cancel a single day i had ata hotel bc my work schedule change last minute FUCK#feel free to ramble in my tags aswell tho i read all of them and i chew on thenm and i love them so sos os mcuh
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hey are you a mechanisms enjoyer or perhaps a fan of the new albion tetralogy
have you ever wanted to hear R L Hughes' full vocal range as she plays two characters often in the same song as one another? Tim Ledsam as a morally repugnant but slightly sexy priest? an exploration of religious guilt around sex and where a sex worker gets a happy ending that doesn't involve no longer having sex? heavy fucking themes and jazzy instrumentals? you should listen to Lolina: Origins.
With a mish-mash of jazz, rock, classical and electronic music this concept EP tells the story of our heroine Lolina as she is taken from the brothels of dystopian Mars to the wastelands of post-apocalyptic Earth and beyond...
Vocals Lolina and Mariella: Rachel Hughes The Patriarch: Tim Ledsam OrganaTech Doctor: Jessica Law Backing Vocals: Jessica Law, Ben Below, Rachel Hughes Spoken Vocals: Tim Ledsam, Ben Below, Rachel Hughes
Instruments Piano and E-Piano: Rachel Hughes Violin and Electric Violin: Marius von Raum [sic.; released in 2017 and Kofi Young was credited as MvR until... I want to say 2020?] Fretless Bass, Electric Guitars, Banjo, Saxophone, Ewi, Electric Drums, Synths: Ben Below
content warnings under the cut this album is a lot. but its very good
religious guilt / extremism / kidnapping / forced conversion yeah quite a lot of it is about the whole uh. this congregation treats its women like shit and especially Lolina. I think it's handled well and there's an added layer of removal in the fact that it's like. on Mars. if that helps
a character kills herself because she realizes she has feelings for another woman and has been made to feel unclean for this. this is pretty much entirely contained in "Mariella's Lament", but is like. pretty integral to the story at play
hospital noises in Hospital Bed + medical malpractice. which isn't quite the right word for the deal with healthcare in this album but it's the best i can do without just Describing What Happens In The Album. general cyberpunk "you don't own parts of your body" type medical malpractice?
#some time i will sit down and do an honest to god review of this and pick it apart because i love it and when i love a media that means#i can pick out about 200 things wrong with every minute. but thats enriching and Part Of Enjoying It. its a courtesy that i want extended#to the things i make as well! to have someone say ''huh this is a bit strange. lets break down why you did that''#and sometimes the answer is because the expected thing to have done would have been worse.I DIGRESS LISTEN TO THE ALBUM#babble#Lolina: Origins#Bandcamp
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#ideally a combination of all of these skdjsk#i had a thought because there’s going to be a snw/lwds crossover episode right?#i have no idea what’s going to happen in that#but lwds is set after tng#so is there going to be time travel shenanigans involved?#but i think the funniest way for spirk to become canon is if boimler spoils it or smth#he says something like omg it’s kirk and spock the greatest love story ever told and it just cuts to them like …. huh?#tos star trek#spirk#spock#jim kirk#strange new worlds#k/s#obviously spirk is already 'canon' etc etc etc this is just for fun#a fun poll!#where we get to think about fun things for fun!
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Great thing about my new girlfriend is that we r both autistic so we are all 🤝 about being socially awkward. Another great thing about her is that we r both trans (t4t relationships ❤️). Another great thing about my new girlfriend is that she is 6'2" and I am 5'3" so I have a girlfriend that is literally 11 inches taller than me. And what a time it has been.
#speculation nation#shes so sweet and shes so preoccupied with making sure our date on friday is nice#& she mentioned wanting to impress me and i was just like. Please. i am a gremlin. you really dont need to worry about that.#she mentioned being nervous around me too (in the admiration jitters kinda way) and it's so strange to me#that people would feel that way about me. i really am so imperfect.#but she sure does like me huh :]#still a very new relationship but it's been nice. she picked me up from work yesterday after my awful ass day#and she treated me to some tortellini b4 dropping me off#and it was in the car outside my apartment that she brought up making it official#shes just so.... idk. it's been nice. ive actually been Wanting to spend time with her.#which is a pretty important thing to want with your girlfriend huh?#im enjoying seeing where this leads. very much so.
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Actually y'know I think the thread holding all of this together is that Yuki is just such a goddamn introvert. He is just not a chatting at length and spending time around lots of people type of guy, no matter how internally and emotionally fulfilled he gets, I think, and at the point canon ends he still has a lottttt of work to do to stop treating every social interaction like a Big Fucking Deal he needs to either get a good score in OR blast through on the strength of adrenaline and lofty irritation alone.
At college he'd still probably be way more popular than he likes purely on looks alone and would end up taking copious refuge just killing time on dumb stuff with Kakeru imo.
#ADMITTEDLY this is probably mega projection here bc. that's me lmaooo#w kakeru I think it's interesting how much he genuinely seems to enjoy being around Yuki even when theres nothing else going on#I think maybe he's just the type who doesn't like to be alone much#he does need his parties and big events and stuff obviously but as long as he's getting his fill he can chill with yuki indefinitely#I foresee plenty of parties where Yuki goes somewhat out of resignation/compromise and spends much of his time just outside in the fresh ai#while Kakeru bounces back and forth btwn keeping him company and getting back in the thick of things#Yuki strikes up several random relationships with various younger siblings/pets/other outsiders that he never sees again#and shows his face just often enough that everyone's like 'yayyy yuki's here!!!!! :DDDDDD'#like chat seeing him walk past the camera on a screen#frankly annoying. but would yuki be dating kakeru if he doesn't in some strange way appreciate annoying behaviour????? no.#anyway I should go get my meds instead of sitting here on a laptop typing out headcanons for half an hour huh#yuki sohma#fruits basket
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OK FOLLOWING UP ON THE BARD THING i think eichi definitely invited wataru to perform at a noble party before. because they'd usually have musicians and so? so ok picture this. it's eichi's birthday so his parents want him to hold a ball and he usually thinks those are annoying but then he gets an idea. make it a masquerade (for the drama). invite wataru as both a performer And his partner for the ball. he's an actor! and everyone is of course impressed by wataru's performance but they're even more impressed because the always polite but unreachable tenshouin heir is expertly dancing with a masked stranger (i love the fact that eichi's specialty in his profile is ballroom dancing). and then they're annoying and overdramatic in public together but no one can figure out Who That Is
and also i know you said that shu was a tailor but i think it would be funny if he also were a noble (his family is also of high standing in canon i think) so he can be there to judge eichi. harshly. i havent figures out yet how to make him besties w wataru but ! it can work
!!!!
This got soooo long again so this is once more put under read more I am so sorry
The idea with the Masquerade comes up while Eichi complains to Wataru about his parents pretty much forcing him to throw a ball for his upcoming birthday (they already planned the whole thing and didn't reallly give him a choice in the matter) and how much of a hassle he thinks that is because of all the superficial politeness between people that everyone knows are gossipping about each other behind each others backs and how sick he is of the pretending to be well acquainted with these people he's talked to maybe once or twice and all the ladies that wish to dance with him and that want to suck up to him because of his families wealth and how really this is all just one big farce to "save face". So Wataru suggests "why not make it a masquerade ball" to spice things up a little bit maybe, take some of the stiffness out of it. And Eichi says he wants to invite Wataru because what's a public event without proper entertainment? Wataru agrees of course and they come up with all of these overly grandiose ideas and scenarios (most of them are utterly absurd. One they genuinely consider involves Wataru pretending to kidnap Eichi and causing a scandal (Eichi woud miraculously reappear the next day and they'd gaslight everyone into thinking that never even happened and all the people are just imagining things)).
Wataru mentions that he'll be gone for an evening to play at the noble's ball to the elderly inn-keeper couple over dinner and they make a really big fuss about it and tell him to dress nicely and to watch his manners because "Remember, you can't just drop from the ceiling with those high society people like we let you do it here they're very sensitive about manners you have to make sure to watch your manners!" and for a minute he wonders how it got to the point that his landlords started to treat him like they personally picked him up from the street when he was a child.
I like to think he met Shu when he was out on the street doing a little street performance to earn some extra money for himself and Shu, the way that he is, came by, looked him up and down, and then started a conversation with him about music as an art form and that somehow turned into a philosophical discussion and at the end of that they each went their own ways with the knowledge that there was a new friendship formed that day.
And maybe he's the one that sews Watarus clothes for the ball because if you spent most of your life as a traveling bard living hand to mouth from your music you won't really have the money for fancy clothes (Eichi still insists on paying for Wataru here because he wouldn't need to spend so much money on fancy ballgowns if it wasn't for him in the first place and also he just wants to treat Wataru to something nice and sees this as his chance seeing as Wataru declines most gift offers me made before). Wataru tells him about the entire thing and Shu scoffs because dislikes Eichi (still need to come up with a way to explain that disdain but I will come up with something trust me!) but his parents force him to be there too so "he might as well" (it's obvious he still puts in a lot of care "because of his pride as an artists" (because Wataru is his friend and he wants him to have something nice)).
Shu only has to be there because his family guilt trips him into going and he doesn't see the point in opening that can of worms again ("We already let you pursue your foolish dream of sewing clothes like a commoner this is the least you could do for your family.")
And then at the actual event he's in some secluded corner together with some other people who only attended as a mere formality because they also do not like the Tenshouin family but they have to be there because they're important and aristocrat politics are weird that way I suppose.
Meanwhile Wataru does his usual thing and charms everyone with his beautiful beautiful voice and his elegance and charm and oh he is so agreeable as a performer. Eichi has to handle the usual "pleasantries" (nothing pleasant about those tries) and he exchanges the one or the other suffering glance with Yuzuru when nobody pays attention that just screams "God when will it end". Yuzuru shoots him back a look that conveys the exact emotion of "my condolences" and then he goes on to look for Tori who's 1.53m figure has disappeared in the group of people and when he finds him he's talking to a gentleman that's about a head taller than him and the mask obscures his face but judging by the hair and the slight "animosity" between them he's talking to Tsukasa, so Yuzuru decides he's in good hands and leaves to do his own thing. (do they know they're talking to each other? Who knows! But they'd probably manage to start bickering either way.)
And eventually it gets to the actual Ball bit of the Birthday Ball Event where they actually dance (there's an actual orchestra there now and they play very lovely music). And almost everyone asks to dance with Eichi at least once. Eichi does not want to waste his time and energy on these people who are just interested in him for his money so he always makes up something about being preoccupied or a little tired or something that gives them no other choice but to back off. Suddenly Wataru appears behind him and does a little "boo!" and Eichi didn't expect that so he startles and almost drops his glass and tells Wataru not to do that anymore at public eventshas while Wataru has to stiffle a laugh because he thinks Eichi is cute when he pretends to try to be firm with him. After he's done with his "scolding" (you can barely call it that. he was very soft on Wataru.) Wataru asks him for a dance this time and he's very chivalrous about it - he goes all out really - he kisses his hand and offers him a rose while he does a little bow and asks if he "may have this dance with the lovely star of the evening" (and oh Eichi wants to kiss him so bad right then and there but in a room full of people that are worse than a committee of vultures that is very much not an option). Of course he agrees and they move to the dance floor and suddenly a Lot of eyes are on them because Eichi Tenshouin, whom a good chunk of pursuers have already given up on - because let us be real. It will never happen. The man hasn't shown interest in anyone at any moment in time and lives together with the Himemiya heir and his butler as far removed from the rest of the aristocracy as one would be able to - is waltzing with this masked stranger and it becomes very obvious very quickly that Eichis constant declining of dance offers was not for a lack of expertise because those two look breathtaking together.
Eichi actually dips Wataru once and some people wish they had hired an artist to paint the scene (because I'm a sap and wataei is beautiful I don't care I'm being self indulgent here)). And they talk but nobody can understand what because of the loud music and they curse the orchestra - which is still playing very lovely music (it's heavenly really) - for it.
After their dance is over Eichi goes back to declining every dance offer he gets with the excuse he's exhausted and needs to rest a little before he can dance again (the "I don't wish to dance with you" is implied and in the room but most people chose to ignore it to spare their ego and decide to take him at face value) and Wataru disappears to somewhere, nobody really knows where but somehow he's nowhere to be found. Until he sneaks up to Eichi a second time and does the whole "Boo!" thing again and Eichi almost drops his glass yet another time and as he turns around to "scold" Wataru again Wataru shushes him and takes Eichis, who is more confusedd than anything by now, hand and sneaks out of the ballroom with him.
Eichi asks where they are going and Wataru doesn't answer he just keeps walking and Eichi decides to just trust the process and suddenly they're on the Balcony again, not a cloud in the sky and the only sounds to be heard are the muffled instrumentals from the orchestra that started playing their next piece. The only lightsource being the moonlight reflected by the new years snow. And Wataru turns around, he's not wearing a mask anymore, and he does his little bow and kisses Eichis hand, hands him a rose he had appear from nowhere - a white one this time - and does his entire "May I have this dance with the lovely star of the evening" spiel again. It's the same routine really but it's different somehow. More intense. Because he says it with more sincerity than he did when they were around more people. And Eichi doesn't even have to reply before he finds himself whisked into this waltz yet again, somehow in the leading position. And then they dance and they dance and it's just the two of them, the stars as their only witnesses. And as the orchestra finishes their piece and the music fades out Eichi dips Wataru again and they kiss and it is so sappy and they are so so so so sappy.
They stay out on the balcony a little while longer but they retreat back inside rather timely seeing as it is still january and the night and as the following consequence of those two circumstances actually pretty cold and they'd both rather Eichi not get sick (he already got Watarus coat but then they'd also both like it very much if Wataru also didn't get sick either so they migrate back into the empty, dimly lit hallways of the mansion rather quickly)
(meanwhile at the actual ball people have noticed Eichi missing and started to ask questions, poor Yuzuru has to repeatedly tell people Eichi probably retreated into his quarters already, seeing as it is rather late and he was rather tired "Please excuse the young master for his failing in notifiying the other guests, he told me he didn't wish to interrupt the nice atmosphere and preferred to leave unnoticed".)
After the festivities died down Yuzuru and Tori go to check up on Eichis room because he's been gone without any notice and it would probably be useful to know if their kind-of-roommate just went away to fool around with that strange bard man they've been seeing sneaking around their mansion from time to time that Eichi seems to be oddly fond of or if the should actually be worried about his well-being. After they knock and get no reply Yuzuru just opens the door and he and Tori are both greeted with the view of Eichi asleep in his bed and next to him the also seemingly fast asleep figure of Wataru who's braid got considerably more lose during the course of the evening and who's also seemingly wearing some of Eichis sleepwear.
They both decide they have seen enough they do neither need nor wish to see more. Yuzuru, who has been in this situation before doesn't even have it in him anymore to react in a specific way. He just lets out this big sigh because he doesn't get paid enough for all of this as he directs Tori out of the room. Tori who has not been in this situation before has a Lot of questions now because he doesn't know this man but he's apparently closer to Eichi than most other people and he doesn't know how to feel about that but happy is probably not it.
(The following day Eichi has to listen to a (rightfully) disgruntled Yuzurus passive-agressive-yet-somehow-still-very-polite-sounding-Yuzuru-complaints about him just disappearing like that and leaving it to Yuzuru to take care of his mess (Eichi promises him to make up for it and that if Yuzuru has any favour to ask he's very welcome to come to Eichi about it). Tori really wants to ask about the strange man Eichi was so involved with but between not really getting a word in while Eichi and Yuzuru are talking and not really knowing how to take the exceedigly good mood Eichi is in (he's had "A very nice evening". With utmost certainty it was for reasons other than him actually enjoying the mingling witht the high society at social function he was obligated to host, Tori guesses), he kind of clinks out here and decides to simply take matters into his own hands when he gets the chance.)
#never let me write anything about them ever again#this got so long again I really just wrote my heart out huh#can you believe I actually researched flower language for this#in the middle I remembered that January is actually really cold at night so maybe I should switch up my approach a little#hm. did that work out? I have no idea#I kind of blacked out somewhere in the middle#Hiyori could've been in this idk he was there too somewhere with Jun or something#Eden attended the event but they're unimportant right now#can you tell I love fairytales by the way I feel like that got a little obvious throughout this entire AU#oh I should make a tag for this I'm actually rather fond of my embarrassing cringefail wataei au rambles#Btw when Wataru comes back home he's also in a very good mood and the elderly inn-keeper couple tease him about it#I've gotten very soft about that little thing that started as a side bit initially#those are his parents now they looked at this guy that has been occupiying this one room for a Long while#and that pays his rent by doing shows for the guests or helping in the kitchen or generally just helping around#some things are just easier when you're young and energetic#and they looked at him and his birds and went ''You're a little strange and off putting but you're part of the family now''#this is way less profound than the first one it's suuuper self indulgent and a little lame but I like indulging from time to time#head in hands i really like wataei#wataei#OH! wait there's symbolism in the dance scene (the second one)#the rest is just me being silly#yumefan🎼🌠#Wataru could wear Eichis clothes no problem I think thats so neat#because they're the same height and it's been said Wataru can pass perfectly for a woman so I assume he has more of a slim frame#chances are Eichis clothes sit loser on him than on Eichi i think that's a little funny#the possibility is there is all I'm saying#<- tag until i figure something out that sounds nicer#Märchen au
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@snowshinobi Hiiiii :3 I'm responding to your tags on a new post and not the original since the original was already somewhat lengthy, and I plan on being LONG and RAMBLY, but I have sooo many thoughts on what you said and I'm going to say them. Also my browser crashed TWICE (TWO TIMES. 2) when trying to write this post so I'm really fighting for my life out here to get my silly little OC posts done. Also it's under the cut because it's looooong as hell LMAO
Firstly, you're so nice to me forever <3 Secondly, I think you've basically hit the nail on the head. The majority of the issues Maggie has coming back from death and her 9 years gone are really tied almost exclusively to her close family, because she... never really had anyone else. While in-universe it's only 9 years, realistically the jump in technology and culture is around ~20-30 years (Maggie died in the 90s/early 2000s essentially, and wakes up in a just barely futuristic city), but... the most jarring thing to her in terms of what she missed out on is just. Flipphones are no longer popular. Other than her family, she's only close with one other person... who just so happens to be a ghost, and therefore both 1. Wouldn't change much over the timespan due to how long she's been a ghost and 2. Unlike her family, was aware that something happened, since she could see the ghost-of-a-ghost Maggie left behind (The ghosts name is Opal, she positions herself as a sort of "guardian angel" figure, though she's not actually, and serves as just another parental figure for Maggie while also getting after the ghosts that constantly harass her to pass on messages to the living). Maggie has no real relationships outside of her family, and while her relationships with her family are massively impacted by her unknowing death, other than that... the timeskip itself doesn't weigh on her because she had no one regardless. Her struggle to adjust to everything thats happened would've happened regardless of the timeskip for her, because she was such an isolated shut-in that it's the same whether it happened the next day, or nearly a full decade later
So another very interesting thing is that you've actually completely seen where I was going with everything, in spite of everything I said being very surface level and not actually delving into the plot at all. I completely skimmed over Jenna (She's very important to the plot, but she's by in large a regular person as opposed to Maggie's... everything), but for some additional context, Jenna has a horrendously shitty homelife, so her moving in with Maggie is both a gradual process (It goes from spending time there, to spending nights, to eventually just never going back home and moving in fully), and also serves as an escape for her. Part of that is also, so vitally, the food aspect. For some additional additional context, souls essentially serve as a persons lifeforce, practically every bodily function is improved by a soul that's stronger, though the "strength" of a soul is essentially entirely random, and not dependent on the individuals actions of any kind. Maggie had a generally weird soul before (Seeing ghosts inherently means she has to have something going on with her soul), but when she wakes up after her death, her soul is now even weirder, and part of that is that it essentially lets her get away with bad habits she absolutely should be seeing more consequences for. She barely eats, and when she does, it's basically exclusively crackers and whatever other safe foods she has around the house, because actually making food is a level of care and effort she just... doesn't give to herself in the slightest. Part of Jenna staying with her is that Jenna, without really discussing it, entirely takes up the mantle of caretaker of the apartment, with the biggest task being food prep, Jenna sees Maggie's unwillingness to take care of herself and silently steps up and starts making her actual meals so she's eating properly.
The problem is is that this also kinda... just straight up sucks? Jenna doesn't think much of it, it's something that needed to be done so she's doing it, she wants Maggie to be well fed even if she won't do it herself, and she's already been responsible for making all of her own meals for years prior anyways, so it's just another thing she does. Except that's shitty! Maggie's seen firsthand how terrible her homelife is, and it really weighs on her how even in her escape from that, Jenna's still being put in a position where she feels like she must care for her or else she just won't eat properly. So food is such a massively important thing to both of them, it's this symbol of love for both of them, it's love on the part of Jenna, for stepping in and taking care of Maggie when she can't do it herself, and it's love on the part of Maggie, for realizing how her own bad habits impact the people she cares about and wanting to lift that weight by taking care of herself better. It's also very vital for Maggie because she just... doesn't... have hobbies. Learning how to cook becomes really her only hobby and she puts all of her love and care into it, because for the first time in a long while she's actually passionate about something! ...Unfortunately she also is very very bad at it. She's inventing new dishes like "Burnt Salad" and "Please Help I Fucked Up Kraft Mac N Cheese" and still having to have Jenna come in and help her. But it's the thought that counts, and it'll only be a matter of time before she can make something vaguely edible.
And finally, the stuff about names! I didn't post it here, but while idly talking about her in a Discord server I'm in, I definitely think that had I made Maggie like even a few months later than I would've done she would've been nonbinary. As it stands right now though, I'm saying she's probably some form of genderweird but too busy trying not to die to think about it <3 Growing up knowing that ghosts are real and routinely being shut down by authority figures in her life about it has made her very aware of how bullshit a lot of things are and how the people who claim to be knowledgeable tend to not know what they're talking about (Beyond just the "people don't think ghosts are real", she's also got ghosts willing to tell her when people are lying because they've got nothing better to do than just gossip) , so if she spent even just a moment thinking about gender as a social construct she'd instantly recognize that and probably take up some form of genderweird label, but as it stands she's just too stressed with Being The Protagonist to think about that
Now, the thing with Margaret. I'm not even going to lie to you, I think you made a better connection to how a name connects with community in terms of the narrative themes than I did. The thing with Margaret denying the name "Maggie" existed for two reasons, the in-universe explanation is that, with the little scrap of soul Margaret has leftover from Maggie, it's essentially working overtime just to keep her vitals working, it can't dedicate time and energy to making her an individual with preferences and a personality, so part of that is that she doesn't respond to "Maggie" because ultimately, that is not her name. Her name is Margaret and she's not going to respond to "Maggie" because "Maggie" isn't her name. Of course, out of universe the reasoning is that I wanted an easy way to distinguish between Maggie as she is the protagonist, and the version of her that lived in the years she was gone, so different names makes the most sense.
I think your connection to how name relates to community genuinely works on a level I hadn't fully pieced together myself yet and I really love that because I think that absolutely works with everything. One of the main conflicts of the plot is how Maggie is entirely disconnected from her family thanks to the years she was gone, with Margaret having no priorities beyond "survive", she basically never spoke with her parents or brother for years. While her family tried to reach out to her repeatedly (Especially given that, while they're unaware the truth of what happened the night Maggie was murdered, they do know something happened, and they believe that whatever it was severely traumatized her, and that's where the sudden and drastic shift in personality came from), there's a point where they just... gave up. She wasn't trying to talk with them or contact them in the slightest, so around a year or two after Margaret moved out, her parents gave up on her. Her brother would still be there a bit, but he also didn't really... try... anymore.
When Maggie wakes up, she tries to call her parents... and they don't pick up. They'd grown resentful over the years, and now that Maggie wants to talk to them, they don't forgive her for the years of not speaking to them, and aren't interested in whatever she has to say after nearly a decade of trying to reconnect with her and being met with nothing. It's her insistence that she wants to be called Maggie that actually gets her brother to realize she's telling the truth and that something happened. She shows up at his door, already something that Margaret wouldn't have done, and that combined with her being visibly upset when he calls her Margaret and tells him that's not her and that she's Maggie, it signals to him that whatever's going on is real (...though he would've figured this out eventually, given that she also literally 17 again and not in her mid-20s, and has a giant glowing stab wound in her chest). I think it works absolutely perfectly as being a symbol of community, her disconnect from her community is what led to her being called Margaret, and her desperation to be returned to that community is when she's Maggie again. So uh. Congrats on getting the themes of my OCs better than I did <3
And uhhhh closing thoughts! I honestly did still skim over the majority of the plot (Literally never even mentioned Eli or what's going on with her stab wound </3), but I think you reeeeally hit the nail on the head with everything I'm kinda getting at with these OCs, which is... frankly wild given how little main plot I actually got at. Basically everything I mentioned in my original post was the setup, not the main plot. But waaaaugh thank you for being so niceys to me and also giving me another excuse to ramble endlessly <3
#my OCs#uhhh MAGGIE FUN FACTS:#Animals can tell when a soul is weird so she has a colony of stray cats that hang around her apartment door#she doesnt even LIKE animals that much (She barely takes care of HERSELF shes not taking care of any animals.)#but they all like her weirdass soul and keep hanging around because of it#When the plot ends she gives one of the stray cats to her parents as a 'sorry i died' gift#The cats name is Marge- named by Jenna and also specifically its 'Marge' said in a Simpsons impression. any Simpson#It's Jennas FAVORITE cat out of the strays bc she says she looks like Maggie. also Marge is a male cat#Neither Jenna nor Maggie know how to tell the difference between a male and female cat reliably so they assume Marge is female- hes not#Also Eli's the closest to the 'main antagonist' the story gets. hes an old coworker of Margarets and basically her only friend#and Maggie's too scared with her whole 'is actively dying' thing and doesnt know how to tell him 'hey im not your friend- she died'#ELI thinks that Margaret is essentially have some sort of extreme mental breakdown and is trying to get her help bc he cares about her-#-unaware that Maggie is essentially a different person and doesnt know him#anyways uhhhh Maggie attempts to beat him to death with her laptop once. sorry Eli. luckily shes 17 and scrawny as fuck-#-so he's able to throw her off of him but its still. BAD#Maggie's got INSANE insomnia for a large variety of reasons- and falls asleep on the floor one night while on her laptop#Eli- having gotten off work late and going to check on Margaret- who hasnt shown up to work in weeks and isnt answering her phone#-spots Maggie passed out on the floor and assumes shes having some sort of medical emergency#Margaret had left her spare keys at work which he'd grabbed- so he lets himself in to get her to a hospital#Only for Maggie to wake up. With a strange man in her apartment in the middle of the night. Wuh Oh !#THIS time however- when she's home alone (shes not alone Jenna's asleep in the other room) and she spots a stranger in her house-#-she ends up with a fight reaction and NOT freeze <3#also her full name is Margaret Elisabeth Newell and her brothers name is Hawke#one of the very few times i will give my OC a full name- and entirely bc my friend suggested her last name LMAO#also she believes in bigfoot. GHOSTS are real and theyre WAY less believable than 'big ape' so she fully believes it#Opal keeps trying to tell her no that ones ACTUALLY not real and shes like uh huh. sure. ill believe it when i see it
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//tales from the gas station really said "here's a character named sabine. she'll never physically appear in the story, but she will haunt every moment of it from the first word to the last, and you'll wonder how much of what jack says about her represents who she really was vs how much is him misremembering as his mind begins deteriorating. she'll never truly see the impact on the lives she touched and the tragedy of it all will never be resolved"
#you know this whole thing is one big experiment‚ right? and you're the little mouse? {ooc}#//i've been in my sabine feels for like a week now huh.#//yeah yeah the dead girlfriend archetype is a trope for a reason#//and many times it's not done super well and the dead girlfriend is just there to gain sympathy for her living partner#//and i'm not gonna say tftgs does it perfectly. i have my criticisms for it.#//but honestly this is one of the iterations of the trope that i actually really enjoy#//in part because she *does* haunt the story so much#//even before you know her name. she's there.#//we the audience will never know her but she will always be there. watching. existing in a sort of strange liminal space
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Omg the Vowbreaker ficlet. I can't resist and imagine an AU for your AU. What would happen if Cody wouldn't know that Obi-Wan is still alive and slowly his feelings for Anakins change. It isn't love but something else because he doms him and sleeps next to him and cares for him and somehow something develops. How would Obi-Wan react? He destroyed Anakin and he made Cody into the pseudo Dom for his beloved. Cody is his 'brother'. Would he kill Cody?
ooo idk if i can really weigh in on this in that i'm obikin-only in like. the most extremely extreme ways that i can't imagine cody and anakin ever together even though the lines of their relationship are blurring in vowbreaker--it just doesn't work with my brain
but at the same time when i knew that i wanted the cody&anakin relationship to be explored in vowbreaker (if only to make the betrayal hurt all the more after), i also figured there'd be a lot of moments i wrote that toe the platonic/sexual line so much that people who do and can ship stuff other than obikin would think well....maybe that could work....
and i thought about if i was ok with that, and tbh i really am!! but i also don't think i can really entertain the idea cause it's just not for me. i can't see anything really developing between them because this anakin is always going to be only obi-wan's, and honestly i can't see cody softening that much
but i admit it would definitely be an interesting dynamic and crisis of faith and it would feel like a betrayal in obi-wan's eyes which would be interesting as well......but i can't really i really can't
#asks#vowbreaker#tbh thinking about it i think i only have a few fics where they're with othere people#and one of them is the cheating au lol which hardly counts#and the couples counseling au#where i did have someone say it could be obi ani dala#unfortunately no it cannot be because i am writing it and im not capable of that#im capable of one thing only and that is fictionally unhealthy but endearing obikin#even though i aabsolutely support having multiple partners at a time/n one's life time#moving on from past loves and finding new loves of your life#thats great thats great#but it's not how i want to write or think about obikin#but again i also absolutely knew what i was doing when i left it open like that:#cody doms anakin cody sleeps next to anakin cody beats anakin into shape#i think for me the thing that will happen most is that cody wins vader's respect#for a little while#yah yah its a strange relationship but i do enjoy it#omg am i the showrunner who writes a romance into the story and then when the fans pick up on it says she can't see it??#if you live long enough you see yourself become the villain huh
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#me not wanting to buy new pants because I mighttttt lose weight is kinda dumb#my bestie told me to stop that#she said the amount of time and effort and work it would take to really drop a couple of Jean sizes is not going to happen as quickly#as I think#and that#is oddly liberating to me#like fuck it#I’m going to get rid of the pants that legit do not fit anymore#and I’m going to just buy things that DO FIT#wild fucking concept#anyways body image was hard as fuck before having a baby and afterwards it’s even worse#like no one told me I would be suffering this much?? lmao#I feel inadequate 95% of the time#about everything honestly#and I don’t feel like I know myself anymore#it’s genuinely such a strange time in my life#like im not mentally well but here I am thinking huh you should try and lose weight too#like fuck off man why you gotta do that
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14. Favorite motifs
If love-hearts count, probably that haha ♪ I draw them so often! Any time there's any kind of ♥ - whether smitten or vindictive or silly or flirty or angry, there's always room for a ❤️ somewhere!
#Woah an original post#Ask#Ask me#It's hard to think of motifs huh :0 Like what counts as a motif?#Is it just any pattern at all? A type of thing that characterizes at a glance?? :0 I don't know!#I will say I've gotten hecka more into hugs over the years :) Which is very exciting ♪#I had a lot of trouble with getting figures/characters to interact physically for the longest time so now that I can make them fairly well#With some level of consistency - and frequency! Haha ♪#I guess of the kind of musical motifs - I'm often inspired by Aishite Aishite Aishite#Wingwolf's animation of it was my first introduction and first of all The Colours The Shapes#But also it's just a really good emotive song so like - if you wanted to count that one as well lol#I always think it's so funny when any song is The Most [something] haha ♪ 'Cause none of them are the song I hum to myself the most!#It's so strange#Anyhow thanks :D Fun!
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I did this with one of my friends a little while back after we watched the Sonic OVA together which involves our own hecking Eggdad AU that we enjoy talking about.
It was a bit unpolished from then so I decided to take a little time to finish it off like I initially planned to when I put it on the backburner so we could do other stuff.
Could it be neater? Sure, but I don't really care, it was fun putting this together.
Also shoutout to Kei Nijimura for getting us to associate Metal Sonic with citrus, no I'm not explaining how that happened.
#sonic the hedgehog#Metal Sonic#Sonic#They're twins huh?#I'm still so obsessed with that line Knuckles said#It was the first time I watched the subbed version of the OVA#and gosh not only was the voice acting pretty good#I was also able to get that screenshot for this#Preserved for the ages#I'll always love the English dub though#That dang thing is way too iconic#But given how my friend never even saw the OVA before he much preferred watching the Japanese dub#I mean that's understandable#Although I still had to do the hecking line#You know the one#YOU MAY KNOW EVERYTHING I'M GOING TO DO#BUT THAT'S NOT GOING TO HELP YOU SINCE I KNOW EVERYTHING YOU'RE GOING TO DO#STRANGE ISN'T IT?#GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR#I also have to say#Knuckles' Japanese voice for the OVA sounded pretty dang similar to his Japanese voice for the games#I'm pretty sure it isn't the same voice actor#but it's still neat to note#Also shoutout to my friend who was with me during the whole thing#He doesn't have a Tumblr but I still wanted to add this in case he comes across this post through the popup ridden land of Tumpik#It was real fun doing that whole thing buddy : )
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So much work to do but im actually doing it which scares me more than the fact i have work to do and u can tell bc i keep fucking posting like this
#laid out all my sketches i needed.. updated my carrd projects list... finalized art piece.. sketched concept.. studied from art book#fucking insane. insane. so scary so scary.#like idk it is so weird i think being depressed mustve made my adhd so much worse ?? i couldve never done this before#everything is still hard and i have to genuinely push and will myself to even attempt working on anything but like#i have enough will to win and start ? i dont lose my focus as much when im in it and if i do i know to take a break bc im understimulated?#i still forget basic things and to do things a lot but i dont catastrophize about it as much i get upset and then just fix it..#its so weird did i just fucking learn to self regulate??? is that what i was missing this whole time ???????#u get punished for like lacking focus and self regulation and have a defeatist mindset bc doing anything = punishment#but then you break through that fear and just throw yourself in and make yourself do things and u can work WITH the adhd????#my parents fucking scammed me bro imagine if i had been raised and like helped instead of called worthless for everytime i fuck up#WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN THIS AT ALMOST 19. STUPID STUPID STUPID#even my old therapists.. oh you have adhd maybe if you just change your diet you will function WOWWW SOOO HELPFUL#HOW DOES THAT HELP ME LEARN TO BE AWARE OF MY SELF AND NEEDS AND REGULATE THEM TO WORK WITH MY MENTAL HANDICAPS HUH. QUICKLY#stupid... i hate every adult in the world you are all useless and do nothing <- is an adult#its so crazy 2 me to function even a little... i guess i learned easily finally bc i self analyze way too much sometimes#but like i genuinely for years predicted id just like. go right back to being majorly suicidal or something in college#bc i could barely handle highschool or getting assignments done#now im meeting deadlines on the reg... like idk. i think it is such a rare and strange and kind of sick feeling#to know like young you would look at you and be surprised or shocked . and its so sad bc like idk.#its like oh i never believed in myself huh. or believed i could have a place in the world and function and be alright#and then u have to grieve all the time you spent never trying bc u didnt think trying without failing was possible like what the hell!!!#crazy...#the gamer speaks uwu
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Probably am not gonna attend lab in the morning, bc I have complete certainty that if I do, I am going to have a complete mental breakdown (as if I haven't already been in the midst of one)
I'll email my professor if I'm unable to finish the lab by the end of the day. He's pretty understanding about this stuff, & if I get some points docked for being late, it's not the end of the world. I've been doing well in this class, overall.
What I AM going to do. Is call the damn psychological services in the morning. Bc Clearly, I am not coping well.
#speculation nation#i laid down to sleep 2 hours ago. to no one's surprise i am still awake.#i need smth stronger than melatonin. i need horse tranquilizers.#i keep thinking like 'oh i feel relatively okay. i'm probably just being dramatic'#but then i think about the stressors and it's like a record-scratch in my brain.#and regardless of how i'm doing overall. or rather how i Think i'm doing. this night still happened.#i regressed Undeniably and this is a clear sign that i need some fucking help#if for nothing else than like. mood stabilizers or whatever lmfao.#i'm trying to think about what actually happened. what Led to this. but i'm struggling to conceptualize it.#i left work. had a brief sit out in the sun. read some fanfic.#then I went home and just... something in my brain went wrong.#combination lab stress and stress over my other class And also the horrid state of my apartment rn#that's... probably part of it... or a lot of it really...#my brain went numb. a record scratch. and i was unable to go to my default coping strategy bc of the meeting and lab#and... yeah. muscle memory i guess. and a strange sense of brain fog. it just kinda happened.#i've been drinking more lately. not enough to impact my health. and i wouldnt say i'm addicted.#i never drink more than one or two drinks at a time. Maybe 3. just enough to get a pleasant tipsy going#but it's like an itch. the moment im feeling bad. stressful day at work. low mood. Whatever#i want to drink. both as a form of self harm and as a form of brain numbing. stabilizing my mood.#ah. that's the central thing here huh. i guess i really do need help.#sorry for hashing through it here. it's just almost 2 am and i dont rly wanna talk to anyone anyways.#just. tonight is just. the longest weariest sigh imaginable.#negative/#self harm ment/#alcohol ment/#i dont want to talk about specifics about what happened bc i dont want people to try to tell me what to do#and i know they would. they always do. Always saying just 'dont do that' instead of considering why i do#better to just do as i will and not mention it. bc in the end no one can fucking stop me.#... but it would probably be good to talk to someone who could help me balance it. give me better ways to cope i guess#i dont know. it's complicated. i just feel a weird sense of dread when someone expresses worry. i dont like it.
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