#thyroid causes hair loss

[shivasriworld]

How Thyroid Hormones Impact Hair Growth?

Hair growth occurs in cycles that include a growth phase (anagen), a transitional phase (catagen), and a resting phase (telogen). Thyroid hormones are essential for maintaining the normal duration of these phases. When thyroid levels are imbalanced, the hair growth cycle can be disrupted, leading to a condition called telogen effluvium, where a large number of hairs enter the resting phase and subsequently fall out.

Can We Identify Hair Loss Linked with Thyroid?

It might be difficult to differentiate thyroid-related hair loss from other forms of thinning hair, such as androgenetic alopecia (pattern baldness) or stress-induced shedding. Still, some indicators can help differentiate thyroid-related hair loss from other types:

Diffuse Thinning: Hair loss tends to be diffuse, meaning it occurs evenly across the scalp rather than in patches.

Changes in Hair Texture: The hair may become dry, coarse, and brittle with hypothyroidism or finer and softer with hyperthyroidism.

Related Symptoms: Look for other symptoms of thyroid disorders, such as changes in weight, energy levels, and mood.

To know more information, read the post - How to Manage Hair Loss Due to Thyroid?

[hopkinrx]

Hyperthyroidism: Its Important Symptoms, Causes, Treatment And Lifestyle

Hyperthyroidism: Symptoms, Causes, Treatment And LifestyleIntroductionFunction Of Thyroid GlandWhat is Hyperthyroidism?Causes of HyperthyroidismSymptoms Of Hyperthyroidism Physical Manifestations Emotional RollercoasterDiagnosis Of HyperthyroidismTreatment Options: Bringing Harmony Back Medications Radioactive Iodine Therapy Surgical InterventionEmbracing a New Rhythm: Living with…

[icarusredwings]

This has been on my mind for NO Fucking reason so to make it shut up, lets talk about it.

"Why doesn't Wade just do chemotherapy?"

In this essay, I will explain the answer to that question, looking at Germ cancer cells and testicular cancer rates to decide-

Can Wade have biological kids?

Let's start with the basic facts.

What a germ cell tumor?

A germ cell tumor is a mass made of reproductive cells, also called germ cells. “Germ” is short for “germinate,” which means to mature. For men and people assigned male at birth (AMAB), germ cells mature into sperm. Related, germ cell tumors most often form where eggs get made (ovaries) and where sperm gets made (testicles).

[ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23505-germ-cell-tumor]

Testicular cancer.

Most testicular cancers start in cells known as germ cells and are called germ cell tumours. Germ cells in men produce sperm. Testicular germ cell tumours can develop from germ cell neoplasia in situ (GCNIS). GCNIS means that there are abnormal cells in the testicle.

[https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/testicular-cancer/types#:~:text=Most%20testicular%20cancers%20start%20in,abnormal%20cells%20in%20the%20testicle.]

More than 90% of testicular cancer start in the germ cells, which are cells in the testicles and develop into sperm. This type of cancer is known as testicular germ cell cancer. Testicular germ cell cancer can be classified as either seminomas or nonseminomas, which may be identified by microscopy.

[https://www.cancer.gov/ccg/research/genome-sequencing/tcga/studied-cancers/testicular-germ-cell-study ]

Treatments.

At the moment there is not a lot of options, the most common are:

Chemotherapy

Radiation

Surgery

Chemotherapy.

Chemotherapy works by stopping or slowing the growth of cancer cells, which grow and divide quickly. Because of his healing factor, this would probably not work and if anything cause Wade more illness seeing as Chemo causes

Fatigue

Hair loss

Easy bruising and bleeding

Infection

Anemia (low red blood cell counts)

Nausea and vomiting

Appetite changes

Constipation

Diarrhea

Mouth, tongue, and throat problems such as sores and pain with swallowing

Peripheral neuropathy or other nerve problems, such as numbness, tingling, and pain

Skin and nail changes such as dry skin and color change

Urine and bladder changes and kidney problems

Weight changes

Chemo brain, which can affect concentration and focus (serve mind fog)

Mood changes

Changes in libido and sexual function

And last but not least Fertility problems

[https://www.cancer.org/cancer/managing-cancer/treatment-types/chemotherapy/chemotherapy-side-effects.html ]

Radiation.

At high doses, radiation therapy kills cancer cells or slows their growth by damaging their DNA. Cancer cells whose DNA is damaged beyond repair stop dividing or die. When the damaged cells die, they are broken down and removed by the body. In theory this would work a little bit, for about 12 minutes and then he immediately would have all of those dead cells back because while the radiology killed one spot, cancer spreads. Quickly. With his healing factor its MUCH quicker too. All that pain for nothing.

Fatigue

Hair loss

Memory or concentration problems

Throat problems, such as trouble swallowing

Cough

Shortness of breath

Taste changes

Skin changes (such as burning and peeling)

Less active thyroid gland

Sexual problems

Fertility problems

Urinary and bladder problems

[https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/treatment/types/radiation-therapy]

Surgery.

I dont even need any sources for this. We saw what happened to his legs when ripped off. They just grew back. And if removing cancer cells makes newer cancer cells? That's useless.

Summary.

Wades entire body is cancerous. Yes. His ENTIRE body. Every arm, toe, and fingernail on this man is cancerous. His healing factor is literally just having rapid cancer growth (amongst other things)

Chemotherapy and radiation will not work on him. Chemotherapy works by killing cancerous cells in order to grow healtheir ones. Except Wade can only produce cancerous cells. Yes, while they are new and much more likely in the very early stages, it's still cancerous.

This being said, there is no cure or treatment for Wades Cancer (that we know of at this time) Its quite physically the only thing keeping him with super hero powers yet still remains even after his powers are taken.

Hate to say it.

I hate to say it but statistically removing older, more advanced cells to replace with newer, less progressive cells (aka removing or ripping off his limbs/ parts of his body so they can grow back as new and fresh) is probably the best 'treatment' Wade has right now. Radiology would work the same, right?

Yes, but A. Not as B. Too many side effects that he he'll have to deal with MORE making him even more crazy and sick. Why would he do that when he can just tease Logan into slicing a hurt leg off and go from there?

Will the treatment help him be fertile?

Realistically, without his powers, he probably would be dead in a week, perhaps less due to just HOW much cancer this man truly has.

Chemo would also make it worse. So much worse, in fact. Both pain wise and his chances at ever biologically having a child.

Result(s) Before the cancer was diagnosed, (66%) 79/120 couples who attempted to conceive succeeded within 1 year. After (Cancer) treatment, (43%) 38/88 couples conceived within 1 year.

[https://www.fertstert.org/article/S0015-0282(03)00335-2/fulltext]

Testical Germ Cell Tumors are associated with semen abnormalities before orchiectomy. This review shows an increase in abnormal semen parameters among men with TGCT even outside the treatment effects of orchiectomy, radiation, or chemotherapy.

[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4270136/ ]

The way that TGCT affects the sperm is that it's very common for not only lower sperm count (obviously, it's hard to produce when you're fighting an entire body illness) but also changes the shape of the sperm which makes it very difficult to reach the egg. Sperm with crooked tails, double tails, double heads, or even broken sperm have a very hard time reaching the egg (think of it like natural selection) and die off before they get anywhere. If you already have low countage and most of them can't make it?

Well that's much lower chances of fertility.

In the comics.

In the comics, Wade has a daughter named Eleanor Camacho in which he was unaware of because her mother saw his face and ran away in terror. The entire thing is that her mother thought she was going to die and decided fuck it, if im gonna die Im gonna die happy so decided to spend these last moments with wade (who she literally just met- if that aint weird in itself idk what is).

She only ever found him to demand child support, and he refused to believe such a beautiful child could he his given his stance of insecurity and well- Just utter shock anyway, I think. He is right. Eleanor is gorgeous as a baby and as an adult.

(There's actually a whole comic where he's trying to fight death so his daughter doesn't die before him because he "couldn't bear the thought of living without her" so they activate a bomb "with the power of a black hole" and comit death together. It's very sweet)

TLDR

In conclusion.

Yes, Wade can have children, but he has a better chance at being successful if he removes his lower half and regrows it so that its *less* cancerous than before cells, therefore hes more likely to have normal shaped sperm and probably more of it during the process.

No, chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery would not be effective. Unfortunately, the most effective thing for him is ripping his limbs off sometimes.

"Forest- why the fuck did you write this?"

You know... I really don't know. I wanted to become a bio geneticist, and here I am. Writing about some bald guys' balls on the Internet. Siiigghh... anyway. Use this. however you want, I don't even care at this point.

[cosmicintro]

Astro observations: Health aspects from the 6th house 💫

6th house in Aries: Be mindful of strong reactions, impulses and emotions as these could trigger high blood pressure, stress or unwanted headaches. Possible problems associated with the adrenal glands if health is not good. The person could be nearsighted/farsighted. Teeth issues and sensitive gums are common with this placement. 

6th house in Taurus: Be careful with ‘burnout’ and try to keep a healthy work-life balance. The individual is prone to respiratory conditions, jaw and neck pain/problems, weight gain (associated with thyroid issues). Thyroid disease. Problems with your voice or throat. Take it easy and follow a rhythm that honors your needs. 

6th house in Gemini: Allergies, infections, asthma, cough, breathing issues. Arms, hands and fingers might be sensitive. Anxiety and nervousness caused by too many unorganized/unwanted thoughts. Be careful with hand, arm and/or shoulder injuries. 

6th house in Cancer: Sensitive breasts/chest area. Inflammation associated with water/fluid retention. Pay close attention to your salt and fat consumption. Intolerance to different ingredients. It is vital for individuals with this placement to express their emotions as this can feel like a detox process for a 6th house cancer.

6th house in Leo: Hear what your heart is telling you. Don’t let stress or anger take you 'over the edge'. Similar to Aries in this house, it is common for the native to suffer from high blood pressure if a balanced lifestyle is not followed; a healthy diet will help this native tremendously. Be careful with hernias and your spine. Back pain/injuries. Spend more time outside. 

6th house in Virgo: Food sensitivities. Problems with digestion. Pay attention to sugar, fats, starches and the way your body reacts to them. Pancreatitis. Bloating associated with food intolerances. Meditation is recommended to calm an active mind and a healthy relationship with food will help with digestive issues. 

6th house in Libra: Lumbar pain. Problems with the lower back. Sensitivity to salt. Kidney stones. Insulin resistance. Diabetes. Partnerships have a big influence in your life; stress or strong (negative) emotions resulting from these relationships can have a big impact in your health. 

6th house in Scorpio: Constipation. Bladder/Urinary tract infections. Issues with libido/sex hormones. Cystitis (inflammation of the bladder; can cause pain or/and a burning sensation when peeing). Problems with the colon and elimination systems. Let go of any guilt/shame around your sexuality and keep a healthy relationship with your needs. 

6th house in Sagittarius: Issues associated with the pituitary gland. Hip mobility problems, pain or injuries. Obesity. For optimal liver health, alcohol and stress levels need to be monitored and, if possible, reduced to a minimum. Yoga can help ease stiffness around the hips and thighs. 

6th house in Capricorn: Knee pain. Injuries/procedures can cause significant scarring. Hair loss or scalp issues. Arthritis and joint pain. If your body is telling you to slow down, honor it and rest. Movement in every way is beneficial for the native. Be careful with your bones. 

6th house in Aquarius: Varicose veins. Frequent cramps. Arteries and veins might need to be monitored closely, as the native is prone to circulation problems. Calf pain. Stress, nervousness, anxiety, insomnia. Be careful with addictions. Stay hydrated. 

6th house in Pisces: Problems with the lymphatic system. Feet pain, inflammation, discomfort, injuries. Plantar fasciitis. Be careful with falls. Sleep problems, nightmares. Sadness that can lead into deep depression. Time alone is necessary. Make sure you’re getting the hours of sleep that your body requires to work harmoniously. 

Stay tuned for more! :)

[cyanide-cafe]

Rio Crane [Urbanshade Personnel]

SHE/THEY/HE [in order of preference]

71 Y/O, 28 in physical and mental growth

TLDR: makes clones if she's cut in half, spends her time researching everything. Extremely curious, friendly, and gets along with the beasts of the blacksite. See below the cut for Way Too Much Information, and her entire document!

Codename: "Endless," was a researcher for Urbanshade whom willingly participated in the IUTEOAK [Immortal Under the Edge of a Knife] program, simply referred to as the IUK program for further reference. The IUK program was an experiment to allow immortality in certain high-hazard Urbanshade personnel, started by Crane themselves in an attempt to rid themselves of chronic and terminal illness.

Crane's experiments were successful, resulting in symbiosis between Human, White Spotted Bamboo Shark, Flatworm, Nudibranch, and Portuguese Man ' o ' War DNA. These experiments resulted in loss of certain organs which her body no longer needed for general life, including her liver, gallbladder, pancreas, thyroid, kidneys, and lungs. It is noted that despite her Flatworm DNA, she still has a cardiovascular system, unlike modern flatworms.

The resulted immortality has a strange catch, as Crane's body rapidly deteriorates over a span of 3 years, generally dying at the end of the 3rd: however, if Crane were to cut off her head or her legs from her torso: and said half of her body or head is healthy: another instance of Crane would be able to separate from the aged body, re-starting the 3 year biological timer. It seems that Crane's immortality has a few catches like this, as if her brain is destroyed, a clone will die, reducing to an amorphous gel-like consistency that is extremely toxic within several days.

However, her experiment was deemed to be non-replicable: not because it is impossible to replicate, but the cost, dangers, and work put into making a single immortal being is too high to create several of these instances. Not only is the experiment hard to replicate, the side effects are varying in usefulness or straight up danger, and Crane herself seems to have certain anomalous features that Urbanshade has been unable to reproduce, most notably, the fact that her memories and senses are able to be transmitted between clones at will. This being said, Crane is anomalous, and should be highly monitored to prevent classified information leaking to unauthorized personnel.

It is noted that Crane has an especially high pain tolerance, as she only feels 1/5th of the pain a normal individual would: likely due to the 5 given clones of her that exist at any time: a clone in the Blacksite, a clone at another Urbanshade site, a clone in an undisclosed location, a backup clone in the Blacksite, and finally, her conscious clone. It seems that her consciousness flickers between these clones, and clones that are not inhabited are in a hibernation-like state.

Crane is capable of deadly stings with her "hair" and "tail fibers", more officially her tentacles and cnidosacs: that cause extreme allergic reactions in some individuals, and circulatory shock [and death] in others. It is noted that these stings are ONLY felt if personnel touch the tips of her hair or cnidosacs, and as such, are avoidable.

Her diet consists of animals in the Cnidaria family, certain jellyfish, and a vegetable/fish high diet. It is noted that while she does enjoy meats, she seems to prefer them on the.. fresher side.

Crane is not a dangerous encounter, rather a normally quiet, almost EXR-P-like employee. She doesn't speak much to Expendables, preferring to speak with or research the various dangerous monsters inside of the Blacksite instead. Crane's presence often indicates that a monster is nearby, however, and it should be kept in mind that if you see her, it's likely there's a much more dangerous threat arounds.

ADDENDUM: Crane was not originally a Blacksite employee, rather originating from a separate site entirely that preformed experiments on cadavers and willing individuals only. As such, it seems that Crane is disgusted with the Blacksite entirely. It is under debate whether or not Crane should be demoted or not after the Crystal [Z-1] has been recovered, as she is capable of spreading classified information throughout Urbanshade, or even to the public.

ADDENDUM 2: It seems that Crane's presence may also indicate The Saboteur [z-13] as well, and she can even be found [rarely] alongside him with his shop, asking questions he refuses to answer.

[callsign-magnolia]

I Hope You Dance // Ch. 55

MATURE CONTENT (18+)

A/N: This is cross posted to my Wattpad, so if this seems familiar that is why!

TW: Mental abuse, emotional abuse, slight physical abuse, death and loss.

Description: When Caila meets Rooster, sparks fly. But, she's already married, to a man who she thought loved her, and won't let her go. Rooster will fight for her, he just has to convince Caila to fight for herself.

Word Count: 6.0k

Chapter 54 | Masterlist

“Honey.” Bradley said, his hand falling to rest on my thigh. “Yeah?” I asked as he forced my leg to stop bouncing. “It’ll be okay.” He said before leaning over and kissing my temple and I sighed. “I just… I want answers.” I said looking down at him and he gave me a small smile. “I know and in time we’ll have them.” I huffed and sat back on the squeaky exam table. “I hate when you’re being wise.” I said and he chuckled. “Just trying to help.” He took my hand and squeezed it every few seconds until the doctor came in. “Good morning!” Dr. Bearden said as he came in. “Good to see you again, Lieutenant. And you must be the fiancee!” He said, reaching to shake Roosters hand. “Yes, this is my fiancee Lieutenant Bradley Bradshaw.” I smiled, lifting my hand to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Two very accomplished naval aviators. You two are quite the pair.” He said opening his Ipad. “Now, last time you were here we did your annual exam and we did some blood work to test for infertility.” I nodded at him. “All the blood tests were normal. But this time I would like to do a thyroid function panel and a transvaginal ultrasound.” He said and I nodded. “I’ll have the phlebotomist come in here and draw your blood then I’ll be back to do your ultrasound.” I nodded and he stepped out. “You okay?” Bradley asked and I nodded. “Yeah, I’m just ready for this to be over.” I said. After a minute the phlebotomist came in. Bradley turned his head away as she drew all the tubes she needed and only when she had the tubes in hand, hiding the contents did he look back at me. 

“I really hate blood.” He said and I giggled. “I know, honey.” I leaned over, kissing his temple. The chair he sat in next to the tall exam table made it hard to reach him. “Alright!” Dr. Bearden came back in with an ultrasound machine in tow. “So for this I’m going to need your feet in the stirrups.” He set the stirrups up and I slid down, putting my feet in them. Immediately Bradley stood, coming to stand next to me and hold my hand as Dr. Bearden slid a cover over the transducer. “Slide down to the edge a little more for me.” I did as he asked, feeling like I was about to slide off the end. I looked up at Bradley and his eyes were wide and I looked to see what he was looking at. Dr. Bearden was putting lube on the transducer and it was so long. “Now, this may be a little uncomfortable.” I squeezed Bradley’s hands as he pressed the transducer in. It was definitely uncomfortable. Bradley used both of his hands to lift my one to his lips, kissing it. Dr. Bearden stared at the screen as he clicked a few things. I couldn’t help but think about Bradley and I being in this exact position, hoping to see our baby for the first time. I was broke out of my daydream by Dr. Bearden's voice. “You see these lines here?” He asked, pointing to the screen. “Yeah.” Bradley said and Dr. Bearden looked at me for my answer. “Yes.” I muttered. “These lines are accurate with uterine scarring.” My heart dropped as he removed the transducer and his gloves. 

“Caila. When you had your placental abruption, your placenta ripped away from your uterus, causing your miscarriage. When that happened, it left scarring along your uterus. There’s a number of things this means but with the amount of scarring you have, I’ll be honest, it looks like it has almost obliterated your uterus. This can prevent an embryo from implanting; it can block the fallopian tubes, meaning sperm may never reach an egg.” Tears streamed down my cheeks and I tried to hold back my sobs. “It is not impossible by any means. I still think you have a chance of getting pregnant, but I would label you as high risk.” I took a deep breath as Bradley moved my hair out of my face. “Remember what I said to you at your last appointment? A lot of women have these problems and you’re not alone. Going to see a fertility doctor is very common for people on the journey to creating a family. It doesn’t make you less of a woman if you need helping to conceive.” I nodded. “When you do want to start trying, start taking prenatal vitamins. They jury is still out on if they can actually help you conceive. But it can help to make your pregnancies healthier and the longer you take it, the better the effects you’ll have.” He gave me a small smile. “Thanks Dr. Bearden. We’ll keep it all in mind.” With that Dr. Bearden gave me a sad look. “Why don’t you get dressed and I’ll go ahead and start the checkout process for you?” He quickly stood, walking out of the room. A single sob escaped me before I got a hold of myself, standing and grabbing my clothes. Bradley helped me in silence before we walked out of the exam room. We checked out quickly and I all but sprinted out of the office, keeping my head down as to not see all the pregnant women that were waiting. 

We took the elevator back down to the second level of the parking garage and it seemed like the longest ride of my life. I stayed silent the whole way down and as soon as the elevator doors opened I made a beeline for the Bronco. “Honey-” I cut him off by opening my own door and getting in, almost slamming the door closed. I heard him sigh before he got into the driver's seat. I couldn’t look at him, not while I knew that I was the reason we would struggle to have a baby after the wedding. He started the Bronco and backed out of the spot and as soon as we were in drive he took my hand, kissing my knuckles before resting our intertwined fingers on my denim clad thigh. Tears silently ran down my cheeks as I rubbed my thumb along his hand and looked at my ring as it glinted in the light. I was marrying the literal man of my dreams and here I am, wondering how he could want me if I couldn’t give him kids like he wanted. We rode in silence and as we stopped I looked up seeing we were in a drive thru of a local coffee shop that I liked to visit with Phoenix occasionally. Bradley placed an order for a medium black coffee and a large iced mocha. After a few minutes we got our drinks and Bradley let go of my hand long enough to hand me mine before he placed his in the cupholder by the gear shift. I stared down at my coffee as Bradley drove a few minutes to pull into a parking lot in front of the beach. As soon as he put it in park he turned to me, sticking a straw in my drink. “Look at me.” I took a deep breath before casting my gaze up to him. “I am marrying you. I’m marrying you because I love you, not because we could have a baby together. I’m marrying you with or without kids and I am perfectly happy if we spend the rest of our lives together, just me and you and no one else.” A sob immediately hit me as he finished. I held my coffee tightly with both hands as he slid closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling my head to rest on his own shoulder. “I love you.” I managed to choke out. I heard him chuckle as he held me. “I love you too, Mags.” I knew he meant it, but I still didn’t miss the tear that fell into my hair. 

We spent hours at the beach yesterday sitting in the bronco or walking on the beach. Once the tears stopped it became a very good day and it played on repeat in my brain all day today. It was Thursday, the day before we flew out to Tennessee. “Ready for your trip?” Mav asked. I passed him as I was heading out. I nodded at him. “Very ready.” He smiled at my answer. “You guys deserve it. See you Monday, Magnolia.” I nodded and got in the jeep to go home. I was exhausted, so tired from being in the air all day. And not sleeping the night before. I tossed and turned not sure why I wasn’t sleeping. Bradley slept like a rock next to me, his snoring not helping my interim insomnia. But it also made me feel better because there was a time I wasn’t sure I’d ever hear him snoring again. I was sluggish getting out of the car, my body feeling heavy. I dragged my duffel out of the trunk thinking about how grateful I was to be home and done with work for the week. I managed to unlock the door and slide inside, the dogs rushing to greet me as I did. I sighed in relief as I dropped my duffel and bent down to pet them until they calmed down. Once they were satisfied I sat down and untied my boots. I moaned as I slid them off, massaging the sole of my foot a little before finally standing. I simply wanted a shower but I yelped in surprise as I was suddenly lifted and pinned to the wall, lips pressed to mine. I could tell it was Bradley, easy, I could pick him out of a room blindfolded. His cologne invaded my senses and his lips felt a certain way against mine. “Bradley.” I muttered, pulling away. He redirected his attention to my neck and a shiver ran up my spine.

I tried to hold back a moan but it was futile. “Bradley.” I felt him harden against my core and my brain went fuzzy. “Say my name again.” He muttered as he dragged his lips up my neck. “You have to stop.” I said, trying to keep my fingers out of his hair knowing it would only encourage him. “I’ve been cleared.” He muttered, squeezing a handful of my ass through my flight suit. “Your appointment isn’t until nine tomorrow morning. You haven’t actually been cleared yet.” His appointment was the one thing we had to do before our flight tomorrow. He pulled away from my neck, grinning up at me. “They had a cancellation. I got in today and I am completely cleared.” Tears welled in my eyes. I knew he’d probably be cleared, but to have confirmation of that was so relieving. “Really?” I asked, giving in and letting my fingers trail into the hair on the back of his head. “I’m in perfect health. Stitches are healed, everything sounds good and looks good. I could do everything I could do before.” It was like a weight lifted off me and he leaned in, kissing me. “That means I can do whatever I want to my fiance, and I think I’ll start up in our room.” He turned to take us up the stairs and I couldn’t help but laugh. “We still have to pack.” I thought he might stop and put me down, but he continued right up the stairs. “I already packed the suitcases while you were at work and we now have a nine a.m. flight instead of a noon flight.” 

I furrowed my brows as he topped the stairs. “How did you change the flights?” I asked and he grinned at me. “I called the airline, had them change it and begged them to not email you about the change.” He kicked the door closed behind us before dropping me onto the neatly made bed. “Of course you did.” I remarked as he crawled over me. “Roo, I haven’t showered yet.” I said, my hands on his shoulders. He smirked at me before grabbing the zipper of my flight suit. “That’s okay.” He buried his nose in my neck. “I love when you smell like jet fuel. Besides, you’d need a second shower anyway after I’m done with you.” He dragged the zipper down, and I didn’t dare stop him.  He jerked my flight suit off my shoulders and pulled it down my waist. He stood from the bed, grabbing my ankles and dragging me to the end of the bed. He slowly pulled off my socks before kissing my ankles, holding my gaze as he did. I loved when he was like this. Sweet and almost primal. It was like two sides of him colliding. I lifted my hips for him to slip my flight suit off and as soon as he did he tossed it to some corner of the room.. I wasn’t sure which though. Because I was too busy watching him sink to his knees before me. Denim clad legs hit the floor as I sat up, leaning back on my hands. His large hands gripped my thighs and I was surprised at how big they looked against my legs. He pushed my legs farther apart and my chest heaved as he placed kisses on my inner thigh. He worked his way to my core, placing a kiss on me over my white thong. His hands slid up to my hips and his fingers curled into my waist band. His eyes met mine and I lifted my hips for him to pull my panties off, which he did agonizingly slow. He tossed them behind him and he inched forward ever so slightly before leaning in, running his tongue along my slit. 

I cried out as he found my clit, his lips wrapping around it and sucking. I scooted closer, my fingers tugging on his curls as his arms wrapped around my thighs. “Oh, Roo!” It’s been so long since we’ve touched each other like this and I knew it wouldn’t be long before I came and Rooster knew it too. His tongue delved inside me and I gasped at the sensation. I felt Rooster’s hand on my belly and he pushed me to lay back. My hands stayed in his hair as he moved my legs to be tossed over his shoulders, allowing him to plunge deeper into my core. I was a mess and whining as he ran his hands up my body, reaching under my shirt to grip my breasts through my bra. The knot in my stomach grew tighter and Bradley shifted his hands to slip underneath my bra and pinch my nipples lightly which caused my back to arch ever so slightly. “Oh god! I’m close. Roo-” I was cut off as my orgasm hit me and I gasped. He didn’t stop. Working me over until my body was shaking. He was breathing heavily as he stood. He leaned over my now limp body. “You okay?” He asked with a devilish grin. “I’m great.” I replied and he smiled, leaning down to kiss me. His hands rested on my sides and I tasted myself on his lips, I remembered how euphoric it really was. My hands rose to rest on his neck, losing myself in him. He pushed my black undershirt up and we separated long enough for him to pull it over my head. He pulled me to sit up, reaching behind me and flicking the hooks of my bra, causing them to let loose so he could drag it down my arms. He held my gaze as I leaned forward, slowly unbuttoning his shirt. He had this planned because he didn’t have on an undershirt, which he always does.

I pushed my hands to his shoulders, slowly sliding his shirt off as I placed a kiss just above his belly button. So many weeks of not being in the gym made him soft. He was still fit, distractingly so, but his abs weren’t as defined anymore. I loved it though. His shirt fell to the floor and I immediately went for the buttons of his jeans. He helped me push them down and he stepped out of them, leaving him in his white boxer briefs which he knew drove me crazy. He was rock hard and it was incredibly obvious in the white underwear. I placed a kiss on the outline of his cock and he leaned his head back, sighing as he did. I grabbed his waistband and pulled them off just like he did me, tossing them to some forgotten corner. He hissed as his cock slapped his lower torso and I smirked. I leaned forward with my tongue out as I licked from his base to his tip before taking most of him in my mouth. I felt him take my hair that was in a bun, in his hands, bobbing my head on him a few times before pulling me off him. He leaned down, his eyes meeting my own. “When I come, I want to be inside you. Now, move back.” A shiver ran down my spine at his words and I moved myself back up the bed. He followed immediately and pushed me to lay back. He slotted himself between my thighs before laying his body weight on me. His lips landed on mine and I moaned as his hands grazed my sides. My arms wrapped around his shoulders, nails grazing his skin. “I missed you today.” He said before turning his attention to my neck. “I’ve been going crazy being here while you’re at work.” He kissed the hollow of my throat as he worked his way down to my chest. “But today was especially difficult.” He muttered against my skin. “You know why?” He asked, knowing my head would be fuzzy. “Because I knew exactly what I could do to you when you came in the door.” 

I moaned as he took my nipple between his teeth. I spread my legs more, feeling the head of his cock nudging my thigh. “Bradley, please.” I was not above begging. I never was with him, and he knew it. “I love it when you ask nicely.” He sat up on his knees, hiking my legs over his hips and drawing me closer. He lined himself up before pushing against me and I gasped as I felt him. He stopped, stilling his hips before he leaned back over me and kissing me. “Roo, please.” I knew he was teasing me and I wasn’t sure I could handle it. “Not yet, pretty girl. It’s been six weeks. I don’t wanna hurt you.” He leaned his forehead against mine, his lips dragging across my face. He stared down at me as he pulled out slightly, before pushing in a little farther than last time. “You like that, pretty girl?” He asked and I moaned in response. “God I can’t wait to have my cock buried inside you.” He slowly pushed his way deeper, each thrust allowing him to enter me another inch by another inch. Finally, he was buried to the hilt inside me. “Bradley.” I gasped out. My arms wrapping around him and my nails digging into his skin. “You’re so tight, pretty girl.” He moaned at a particularly smooth thrust. He dropped his forehead to mine again, his lips landing on my nose for a split second as he stilled inside me. “Mm… so full.” I muttered. Any time Bradley and I have sex, I basically go dumb. “I know, pretty girl. I know.” He slowly started rolling his hips, causing him to slip out and the angle was just right for him to hit that soft spot inside of me. “Oh fuck. Roo.” He knew what he was doing and he gave me a wide mischievous smile. “You like that, honey? You like taking my cock.” I moaned and gasped as he trailed his fingers down my abdomen, all the way till he brushed my clit. “Don’t rush it, Bradley.” I said as I reached down and grabbed his wrist. 

He raised a brow at me before chuckling and removing his hand. “Whatever you want, Mags.” He tucked one hand under my back and intertwined the fingers of his left hand with my right. He put pressure on my back, causing me to arch ever so slightly and a moan escaped him as the angle shifted. I grinned at him. “I love when you make noises for me.” His face tinged red at my words. He rarely made any noise other than grunting and dirty talk in bed. I could tell I caught him off guard with what I said, but it was true. I squeezed my pelvic floor, clenching around him and causing his thrusts to stutter. He cut his eyes to mine before pulling out almost all the way and slamming back into me. I yelped and he just chuckled. His thrusts grew rougher and he sat back on his knees again. He pinned my hips to the bed, the pressure adding to how he felt inside me. “Gonna cum so deep inside you, Mags.” His chest was heaving and sweat started forming on his neck and chest. I reached out, gripping his forearms as he fucked me. I wanted to speak, say anything to agree with him. But I couldn’t do much of anything except hasp and moan. A familiar feeling started to grow in my belly, one that I experienced only a few minutes ago. “Need you to cum on my cock, pretty girl.” He leaned over me again, his hand reaching down once more to touch me and this time, I didn’t stop him. “I want to feel you cum around me. Need it.” I tossed my arms around him again, one hand tucked around between his shoulder blades and the other fisting the curls at the back of his head. “Oh god, Bradley! Yes! Yes!” I chanted, knowing it would only spur him on. 

He wrapped his arms around me, one hand on my waist, the other creeping around my shoulder for leverage. His forehead pressed to mine and his hot breath fanned my face. Our lips barely brushed together and it felt like fireworks went off everywhere inside my body. “I love you, Mags. More than anything.” All I could do in response was tilt my head up and kiss him. His hips stuttered before he buried himself deep inside me, practically flooding me with his release. I never thought I could miss being this close to someone. He was breathing heavily as he leaned his head on my chest. I felt him move his hand from my shoulder and I whimpered as the rough skin of his hand nudged my clit again. He listed himself off of me just enough to be in a good position to work me towards my orgasm and take my right nipple in his mouth. That coupled with him still buried inside me sent me straight over the edge. I gasped and my body shook harshly as Bradley slowly brought me down from my high. We stayed like that for who knows how long before he finally lifted his head. He stared at me, a dopey grin on his face as my mind raced. What we just did got me thinking about everything Dr. Bearden said in my appointment. “I want to start taking prenatal vitamins.” His eyebrows shot up. “Yeah?” He sat up, straddling my legs and I nodded. “Are we still waiting until after the wedding?” I sat up and grabbed his hands in mine. “Yeah.” I said quietly. “I just want to take them because when the time comes we have a higher chance of having a healthy pregnancy.” He smiled at me before leaning down and kissing my forehead. “Of course,” I started, catching his attention. “This means we’ll have to use condoms. Every time.” He groaned, falling onto the bed beside me. “We’re gonna go broke buying condoms.” I laughed loudly at his words. He pulled me down next to him and squeezed me. “Hungry?” He asked. “Yes. But I need a shower first. I smell like sweat and jet fuel and I do not like the combination.” He got up and pulled me to my feet. “Let’s get you in the shower then.” 

The next morning I was incredibly sore between my legs. “You okay, honey?” Rooster asked, leaning down and brushing my hair from my face. “I hurt.” I mumbled, still half asleep. “I’m sorry, honey. I should’ve been gentler with you. “He kissed me on the cheek. “I promise I’ll be more gentle next time.” I hummed, stretching my arms over my head. “Uber will be here in an hour. I’ve laid out some pants and one of my t-shirts for you.” I smiled at him. “Thank you, honey.” It took me a few minutes to finally get up and I dragged when I finally did. I slowly got dressed and braided my hair before making my way downstairs. “Coffee?” Bradley asked and I shook my head. “No. I’ll just drink water for now.” He smiled and drank his coffee. “So, what car did you rent?” He asked. “A Silverado.” I replied and he fake gasped. “We are a Ford family. The jeep is the exception.” I laughed loudly. “We are a ‘whatever is affordable’ family.” He laughed, stepping behind me and kissing my head. “I like when you’re frugal.” I hummed. “Wait until I tell you I started buying certain foods only if they’re on sale.” He groaned, wrapping his arms around me. “I love you.” He said and I turned in his arms. “I love you too.”  

I let the dogs outside, watching as they played for a minute before coming back inside for their breakfast. “Sit.” Both of them quickly sat, excited for their food as if they’ve never been fed before. I sat their bowls down and they immediately started eating. I grabbed their leashes and set them on the counter and started making a note for Hangman and Phoenix. Everything they needed to know about the dogs and the house. “Mags! Uber is here!” I slid the note next to the leashes and bent down to pet the dogs. “You two be good for Hangman and Phoenix, okay? I don’t want a bad report when we come back.” I kissed both their heads when Rooster came back and did the same as me. “Come on. We don’t wanna miss our flight.” He took my hand and led me out to the car. We sat in silence as we rode to the airport and once we were there my excitement was building. We got out and got our bags and we walked into the airport hand in hand. “I am so excited!” I said, hardly able to stand still on the escalator. “I am too. It’s been a while since I’ve been somewhere that’s not an aircraft carrier, a naval base or a city.” I smiled at him, wrapping my arm around his neck. “You’ll love it, I promise.” We slowly made our way through TSA and finally to our gate. 

Once we started boarding I was excited and being military, we get to be one of the first people to board. “Thank you for your service.” The gate agent said and I blushed. I get a blush anytime someone says that to me for some reason. 

“Give me your bag.” Bradley said as we stopped in first class. I gave it to him but furrowed my brows. “We have economy seats. What are you doing?” I asked and he grinned at me. “How do you think I got us on an earlier flight?” My eyebrows shot up. “You upgraded us? How much did that cost, Bradley?” I asked as he finished stuffing our suitcases in the overhead bin. “Don’t worry about it.” I was getting irritated. “We still have most of the wedding to pay for.” He grinned again and grabbed my shoulders, guiding me to sit in the window seat. “Now put your backpack under the seat and relax. We have five and a half hours until we get to the Atlanta airport.” I just huffed and slid my backpack under the seat in front of me. We sat in silence until we started backing away from the gate. “Are you really mad at me?” He leaned over, asking me. I pursed my lips, grabbing his hand and intertwining our fingers. “No. I’m not. You just caught me off guard.” He smiled and kissed my temple. “Speaking of the wedding, when do we get those engagement pictures back?” It suddenly hit me. “I got them back the day after you were shot.” His face fell. “I haven’t even looked at them. I couldn’t bring myself to while your life was on the line.” I shifted to rest my head on his shoulder and he kissed my head. “I think this evening while we’re in our room we make time to look at them.” I smiled up at him. “I love that idea.” 

I swapped between reading the book I brought and talking to Bradley throughout the flight and when we landed in Atlanta I was ready to stand up. “How long is our layover?” I asked and he pulled out his phone as we stepped out into the gate. “We have twenty minutes.” My eyebrows shot up. “Please tell me our connecting is in the same concourse.” He sighed. “Nope. Concourse E.” “What?!” We were in concourse A. “Come on.” I followed after him and we went down the elevators. “How long will it take us to walk there?” He asked and I looked up at the sign. “Thirty-five minutes. We’ll have to take the plane train.” I hated getting on this thing, it was always so packed out. We stopped and after about thirty seconds the train stopped and opened. We let everyone off before squeezing on ourselves. “How long until we get there?” Bradley looked up then down at his phone. “About two minutes, and they’re boarding already.” I huffed but thankful that boarding can take a while. We waited and let people filter in and out before our stop finally came up. Bradley stepped out and I was basically trampled as I fell out and he grabbed my arm. “You okay?” I nodded as I straightened myself. “I’m good. Let’s go.” We headed upstairs and when we managed to locate our gate we saw it was all the way at the end. Bradley took my free hand in his and led us through the crowd until we were at our gate. Bradley moved me in front of him and placed us at the end of the line. “We made it.” I sighed in relief, holding my hand behind me and he gave me a solid high five. We scanned our boarding passes and got on finally. I sat down again as Bradley put our bags in the bin and sat down. 

“I feel like I need a nap now.” I said and Bradley chuckled. “Take a nap, pretty girl. This flight is almost an hour long.” With that I leaned my head back on the headrest and Bradley intertwined our fingers and kissed my hand as I drifted off. I mostly dozed in and out before Bradley woke me up. “Honey, we’ve landed.” I nodded as he stood and grabbed our suitcases and I got our backpacks. We made our way off and traipsed down to get our rental. That was a breeze and I signed a few final papers before I was handed the keys. “Truck secured.” I dangled the keys at him and we headed out. Bradley tossed the bags in and I started the truck. “Before we get to the Inn, we have to get food. I feel like my blood sugar is bottoming out.” I said as I pulled out. “Do you need me to drive?” He asked and I shook my head. “I need you to connect your phone to the truck and point me to the closest fast food place.” He just cracked a small smile and did as I said. Soon we pulled into a sonic and got some food and I snagged a Route 44 Coke. “That thing is so massive.” He said as he picked up my cup. “Believe it or not, I used to get one every single morning before school and I kept it with me all day.” He chuckled. “You didn’t get sick of it?” I nodded. “Oh I did. It took me about six years after I graduated to start drinking it again.” He laughed loudly. “Talk about burn out.” I laughed as well. “It was so bad. I only cracked and drank one because I had a migraine and nothing was helping. It was actually pretty good.” 

We listened to music for the most part and had some deep conversations as I drove. But once we were an hour out and we started up the mountain I stopped at a red light and pulled my hair up and rolled the windows down. “What are you doing?” Bradley asked. “To me there is nothing better than fresh mountain air and some country music.” I turned on some old Alabama and started up the mountain. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face as I drove. It was like coming home and made me feel different. Bradley brought out a joy in me that I didn’t think I’d ever feel again after the car crash. But even he couldn’t replace that warm giddy feeling I get when I’m put back in the Smoky Mountains. I took a glance over at him in the passenger seat and he was so relaxed. The wind was tousling his hair as he looked out the window, gorgeous scenery passing us by. The last bit of the drive was quiet and once we got into town I pulled up to the only restaurant in town. “I’ll be right back.” I said and got out, leaving him in the truck. I placed a quick to go order of some burgers and rushed back out to the truck. “Dinner?” He asked and I nodded. “Some of the best burgers you’ll have.” He smiled and I backed out, going directly across the street to the Inn. 

We got out and grabbed our luggage and the food before we made our way inside. “Hi.” I said and I was surprised by the lady who turned to face me. “Tammy Lynn.” She smiled at me. “My my, I knew it was you when I saw your name in our book.” I nodded and walked closer. “Yeah, this is my fiance Bradley. Bradley, this is Tammy Lynn. Her mom ran the Inn before handing it over to her. Mom and her went to school together.” She smiled and shook his hand. “So the rumors are true. You left our little town for a man on the west coast.” She winked at me. “Nah, he was a bonus. I left for a deployment.” She smiled. “Glad to know you’re still able to do what you love.” She wrote a few things down before handing me some keys. “Room three twenty two.” I smiled and took the keys. “Thanks, Tammy!” Rooster and I grabbed everything and hauled it up the stairs. “Wann do the honors?” I asked, holding the keys out to Bradley. “Hell yeah I do.” He took them and unlocked the door, swinging it open. The bathroom was right next to the front door with a large double shower, a king size bed in the center of the room with a couch across from it. We had a gorgeous balcony overlooking the mountains and two bottles of champagne on ice. “Oh, I am definitely going to enjoy being locked in here with you for the next two days.” Bradley said, looking at me, a glint of something I couldn’t place in his eyes. “If we weren’t engaged I would think you were going to kill me.” We stared at each other before busting out in laughter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @rosiahills22 @fanboyswhore9 @kmc1989 @sunderland-6 @mygyn @halstead-severide-fan @boisewaffles

[thecaroliner]

After almost six months I think I’m finally ready to talk about what happened to my dog to get it off my chest and maybe this will help others prevent this happening to their dogs.

About 2-3 ago we began noticing a few changes in Chibi that we just associated with age. He was 10-11 at that point so obviously he was slowing down a little bit but we also noticed how itchy he had become. It seemed like all day every day he was gnawing and scratching at himself, sometimes to the point of drawing blood. His vet basically shrugged and said “idk try this prescription shampoo” we tried it. There was a small improvement but really didn’t do enough for him. As time went on he became more and more miserable so he was finally prescribed a pill and a monthly shot to help with the itching. Again, it did ease his symptoms somewhat but not like it should have. His vet seemingly just didn’t care enough to try anything.

So last year he began losing hair, like a LOT of hair. Especially on his tale. His underside was slimy too, and he smelled awful despite having a bath pretty much every other day. It was getting to be a little gross to even pick him up. He was freezing all the time because of how little hair he had.

So finally, in around January, I took him to the vet one day because his eyes were leaking really badly. The vet seeing him that day was like a traveling vet and it was her first time at that clinic. She was much more concerned about his itching and lack of hair rather than his eyes, and when I told her his history she said “well it sounds like the regular vet has just been trying to put a band aid on his symptoms and not get to the root of the issue.” I am eternally grateful for this woman because she was determined to find the cause of it and it lead to a diagnosis of hypothyroidism. All his symptoms, his lethargy and itchiness and hair loss, his overproduction of sebum was all related to that. Pretty much within a few days of him receiving thyroid medication, he was like a new dog.

He suddenly had energy again. He would play and run around. His hair began growing back and he stopped itching and smelling bad. My baby, who we were afraid was just slowly dying from age, was like a puppy again. I am so so so grateful that he got to spend the last few months of his life full of energy again.

And then came April. One night, after a completely normal day with him, and he threw up around 11 pm. No big deal, he throws up from time to time. But then he did it again, and again, and again rapid fire. He was shaking and walking around like he was scared. Three years prior, he had shown these same symptoms and the emergency vet concluded he had eaten something toxic (to this day we have no idea what it could’ve been) and in kidney failure but was able to get him on some fluids and meds and he was good as new.

Mom and I were afraid this was happening again, so at midnight we loaded him into the car and took him to the ER vet. $800 and some fluids later and they said “well, he could possibly have pancreatitis but just monitor him and follow up with his regular vet.”

We take him to the vet a few days later. “Oh, I see he was diagnosed with pancreatitis.” We were shocked because the ER vet said it was maybe a possibility and not a definite. But okay, he has pancreatitis. So now he has to be on an extremely bland died of boiled chicken and rice and some prescription dog food.

He did fine for the next week or so, but then one day just stopped eating. He didn’t even want his favorite snacks like peanut butter. He just sat around the house, but he was sitting up as though laying down would be too difficult for him. He kept begging to go outside and try to potty but he couldn’t. Even days later when nothing was in his stomach at all he was trying to go.

I take him to the vet one morning and tell them the symptoms. “Well, just get him to eat a bland diet and it’ll ease his symptoms” he. Is not. Eating. I went home frustrated. That afternoon he seemed to be in tremendous pain so I took him back, and this time they weighed him. He’d lost 4 pounds in just a matter of days. Not one person at that vet office seemed even mildly concerned about this.

This bitch of a vet tech pulls me into a room and goes “okay, so tell me exactly what is going on because you and your mom keep giving us conflicting answers about if he’s eating or not, so what’s the deal” HE. ISN’T. EATING. My mom and I were both telling them that. I don’t know what the confusion is. He got more fluids and we left once more with no answers.

And then 4 days later he was gone. On his last night he began sounding really congested when he breathed and the next morning the vet said his pancreas was just failing I guess and the mucus he was producing was from his lungs and there was nothing they could do. And that was the end.

I found out shortly after that undiagnosed hypothyroidism can lead to pancreatic issues and failure in dogs.

My baby suffered for 2 years because his vet didn’t bother trying to really fix his problem. And then he finally, FINALLY gets to feeling normal again only to go from a little sick to dead in just 2 weeks.

It really just felt like the vets office was in the mindset of “oh he’s old so we aren’t gonna bother doing much for him”. Life expectancies for his breed can go up to 15-17 years so he probably still had quite a life left ahead of him.

I miss him so much.

[monstersinthecosmos]

can i vent about the healthcare system lol

This year I have health insurance for the first time since I was a child and when I tell you it sucks, I hate this, I hate participating in this system, I miss when I was just in pain all the time and didn't even bother going to the doctor bc I didn't have insurance anyway, I don't love this system where I read my insurance policy and think something is covered and then it isn't except maybe it is and maybe it got processed by a bot and I have to call the insurance to dispute but then I have to call my doctor to dispute and then I have to call the insurance back to dispute like, guys I have phone anxiety I'm gonna just pay you all this money instead of making phone calls I guess.

i have nerve damage and my treatment options so far are a $1,300 shot that might not actually help and I'll have to get another one in a few months anyway or I can go to physical therapy where they want to see me 2x a week for $250 per session. My insurance only covers a certain number of sessions and even if I did go to all of them, I still wouldn't hit my deductible. The PT place has a financial assistance program but it's only for people who have hit their deductible. (What's the point lol).

I'm also at a dead end trying to get diagnosed & treated for hypothyroidism because "weight gain" is listed as a symptom and BCBS says they don't cover "weight loss" treatment even though that wasn't what the fuck I asked and I was more concerned that my hair is falling out and I'm freezing all the time. Like where does it end, every time a symptom of something includes weight gain. What if a skinny person has it. Is this discriminatory? Is it a coding error? Will I pay the $215 I got charged for having my thyroid tested and simply not continue treating it now, because I don't have the constitution to make 100 phone calls and argue with people? lol.

the spine specialist orders an MRI and says I'm too young to have surgery so I should just do pain management. the pain management doctor tells me to lose weight. (it's hard, because, I think my thyroid doesn't work.) he says lyrica might help with my nerve pain but it causes weight gain so he advises against it. i wonder at what point does BCBS decide that spine & nerve pain is because I'm fat and won't help me anymore because it's weight loss related.

And let's not talk about how I was like, you know what, I would rather just build up some medical debt and pay it off slowly because I'm terrified that I'm going to have permanent nerve damage, and I applied for financial assistance with the hospital, and they approved me, but they don't help for any bills which are under $2000. So my $900 MRI or my $400 nerve test or my $1300 shot are not eligible for financial assistance, even though my hospital balance would be over $2000. I go to set up a payment plan and it won't let me set the number I can afford. I manually enter a bit at a time and they won't stop emailing me that I owe them money because I didn't use the official interface for a payment plan. I call their financial assistance to ask why they didn't adjust my MRI bill, they tell me because it's under $2000, I get so overwhelmed and start crying on the phone like an asshole so I hang up before I remember to ask about adjusting the payment plan.

like is better that I'm now $1300 in the hole for tests that told me I have nerve damage and arthritis and disc degeneration when I can't afford any of the treatments? Is it better to at least know? But what's the point if I can't do anything about it anyway except YouTube yoga and Aleve for breakfast, which I was doing anyway when I was uninsured. Thanks, now I know! I cannot feel my leg! Pray for me that I don't wind up paralyzed from ignoring it!

(I think part of me committed to these tests because I was like, well, if there's NO damage I will know and I can stop worrying, but there is damage, so now idk how to feel.)

anyway it's just. I've always known this system was garbage from the outside when like, I've spent years having to treat things by myself at home, I've had so many times where I didn't go to the ER when I probably should've, I've passed on really fun outings with my friends like snowboarding or roller derby because I'm too scared I'll get injured, my mental health is at all times hanging on by a thread because I can't get medicated (put a pin in this one bc I finally got an appointment for an evaluation but my insurance doesn't cover most of the meds LOL). It already sucked on the outside and was already a huge embarrassment to me as an American but like. I finally have insurance and it wasn't' even worth it.

and like. there's stuff I can afford. I'm making better money than I did in my 20s. Like, okay, it sucks but I can pay $215 for my thyroid test at the end of the day. But I don't want to. It sucks and it's not fair. I shouldn't have to. And like it's $215 now and then how much later. It's not sustainable at all. And if there's a way for them to cover it and not discriminate against me for being fat, it's behind so many barriers of me trying not to cry my eyes out on the phone and tbh I don't see it happening LOL.

but elon is on track to become the first trillionaire and our taxes are bombing children in tents, cool cool cool

I just don't understand who the fuck this is even for. WHO is out there with $2,000 to drop every month on physical therapy. Who is this for!!! WHO IS IT FOR!!!!

[crosstheveil]

Health: Adrenal Glands

TCM: Jing, Kidneys

GNM: Off Track (cortex), Unbearable Stress (medulla)

Greek: Sanguine (cortex), Choleric (medulla)

Chakra: Root

Astrology: Mars, Aries-Libra; ex. managing adrenal health can be especially important for natal placements like Mars in Libra/7th, Mars in Pisces/12th, South Node conjunct Mars, etc.

The adrenal glands, which sit atop the kidneys, play a central role in the body's response to stress, fatigue, immune challenges, and several key physiological and metabolic functions. Issues related to the adrenal glands is very common yet highly under-diagnosed. They consist of two regions:

Adrenal Cortex: Derived from the mesodermal base substance cholesterol, the adrenal cortex produces hormones such as cortisol, corticosterone, aldosterone, and male sex hormones. These hormones play vital roles in physiological functions. Cortisol and corticosterone, known as stress hormones, contribute to the regulation of metabolism, inflammation, and blood sugar, and assist in long-term stress response by enriching the blood with minerals and glucose. Their anabolic effects also aid in healing and regeneration. Aldosterone helps maintain blood pressure by regulating the balance of salt and water in the body. The adrenal cortex's production of male sex hormones can influence the reproductive system. If unresolved, chronic stress may lead to excessive cortisol production, causing problems like weight gain and high blood sugar.

Adrenal Medulla: The endodermal adrenal medulla manages emotional and physical stress by producing the hormones noradrenaline, dopamine, and adrenaline. These hormones are pivotal in activating the "fight, fright, flight" response, a physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful event or threat. This acute stress response increases heart rate, blood sugar, and mental alertness, along with other physiological changes. Chronic anger or emotional upheaval can strain the adrenal medulla, leading to an energetic drain.

Stress

The adrenal glands are highly sensitive to stress, and chronic stress can lead to various disorders:

Psychiatric Disorders: Neuroses, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder.

Neurological Disorders: Migraines, peripheral neuropathy, dizziness, tremors.

Glandular Disorders: Issues related to other glands including the thyroid which is responsible for cell growth; for instance, uterine cancer, polyps, hypothyroidism, hyperthyroidism.

Cardiovascular Disorders: Coronary artery disease, stroke, heart attack, hypertension, arrhythmias.

Respiratory Disorders: Asthma, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), difficulty in breathing.

Immunological Disorders: Possible tumor promotion, reduced resistance to infection, autoimmune disorders, chronic inflammation.

Metabolic Disorders: Diabetes, obesity, metabolic syndrome, difficulty in regulating blood sugar.

Gastrointestinal Disorders: Ulcers, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), chronic indigestion, malabsorption.

Genitourinary Disorders: Impotence, incontinence, menstrual problems, urinary tract infections, kidney dysfunction.

Musculoskeletal Disorders: Muscle weakness, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, joint pain.

Skin Disorders: Acne, eczema, psoriasis, skin thinning.

Cysts and Cancer

Adrenal Weakness: If the adrenal glands don't produce enough adrenaline, the heart may pump slower, leading to fluid accumulation and cysts in the prostate, ovaries, and breasts. These cysts can harden and potentially lead to cancer.

Blood Flow: Increasing blood flow can help resolve cysts if addressed quickly.

Signs of Imbalance

Frequent sickness, fatigue, low libido, low backache, chronic health issues, dark circles under the eyes, hair loss, early greying, frequent urination at night, cold hands and feet, brain fog, pain and weakness in the lower back, loins, thighs, knees and lower body, urinary weakness and debility, polyuria and nocturia, impotence and male sexual dysfunction, moodiness and irritability, depression, muscle or bone loss, autoimmune conditions, chronic fatigue, hormone imbalance, body aches, unexplained weight loss, lightheadedness, skin discoloration (hyperpigmentation), weakened stress response, insulin resistance, sleep problems, weight gain, sweet and salty food cravings, difficulty getting up in the morning, increased PMS or menopausal symptoms, inability to handle stress, increased allergies, frequent sighing, cravings for salty foods, higher energy levels in the evenings, overuse of stimulants like caffeine.

Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)

Jing (essence): The statement by the Chinese that the kidneys harbor our Jing refers to the adrenals having the highest concentration of neural crest cell derivatives in the entire body. Strong Jing corresponds to robust characteristics like strong teeth, which are made by neural crest cells, while weak Jing relates to signs of aging like grey hair and deafness, also linked to neural crest cells. Jing's manifestations include the progression from youth to adulthood, reflected in functions controlled by the pituitary (aided by neural crest cells), and can be seen in the structure of the face and jaw. Neural crest cells also create the heart's connective tissue, affecting lifespan. Jing as a concept is not the same as neural crest cells but they represent the body's inherent organizational strength. Weak organizational energy leads to neural crest cells that don't form properly or function well, resulting in genetic disorders affecting facial development. The Chinese recognized these markers as indicators of weak Jing.

Kidneys & Urinary Tract: The adrenal glands are connected to the kidneys not just through the renal fascia, but also by way of the renal artery, draining into the renal vein, and receiving nerve connections from the renal plexus. The kidneys regulates the body's water content and are essential for maintaining healthy bones, as well as producing healthy bone marrow and blood. It determines the level of adrenaline and dopamine in the body, affecting our energy and rest. In addition, it forms a relationship with the heart through various hormones. During puberty, the adrenal cortex starts to produce sex hormones like testosterone and oestrogen, and this production continues throughout adulthood. Caffeine depletes kidney qi, yang, yin, and essence, contributing to liver and adrenal issues, and long-term exhaustion. Regular coffee drinkers, especially those who don’t feel its effects, may be nearing adrenal exhaustion. Adrenal fatigue is often considered a kidney yang deficiency. If left untreated, it can progress to a kidney yin deficiency. These deficiencies are often marked by a light low groaning tone to the voice, a darkish pallor under the eyes, negative attitudes of insufficiency or inadequacy, needing to sit and not being able to stand for long, and worrying about money. Additionally, those who experience traumatic shock or long term stress often have their hair turn gray or fall out.

Kidney Yang (medulla): Linked to the reactive sympathetic nervous system and the hormones adrenaline, dopamine, and norepinephrine, produced in the adrenals. A deficiency in kidney yang can lead to symptoms like cold hands and feet, edema, night urination, and low libido. This deficiency parallels disorders like adrenal fatigue, hypothyroidism, and sexual dysfunction. This condition is worsened by the use of marijuana, diminishing our natural drive, motivation, and willpower. Adrenaline is used to treat conditions like asthma, anaphylaxis, and slow heart rates. It works on the cell membrane's outside, which is known as the yang aspect of the cell. It never enters the cell but attaches to a receptor on the outside, initiating a cascade of chemicals that open or close gates on the cell's exterior. In the heart and muscles, adrenaline prompts more calcium to enter, which amplifies the force of contraction; in the lungs, it leads to the relaxation of the muscles, permitting more air to flow in; in the brain, it initiates the emotional reactions connected with fear.

Kidney Yin (cortex): Associated with the parasympathetic nervous system and the hormone cortisol, produced in the adrenals. A kidney yin deficiency may manifest as sore back, leg weakness, insomnia, and anxiety. It may parallel disorders like diabetes, high blood pressure, and hyperthyroidism. Although necessary for daily function and stress response, excessive cortisol can lead to fluid retention, osteoporosis, muscle wasting, depression, and diabetes. If our bodies stopped producing cortisol, it would result in significant illness. While adrenaline binds to the exterior of the cell (yang), cortisol is absorbed into the very core (yin). Contrary to the effects of adrenaline which are more immediate, the effects of cortisol can take years.

Greek Medicine

Hot Temperament: The adrenals are generally represented as stimulating and energizing various functions to adapt to stress.

Adrenal Cortex: Sanguine, nutritive, and anabolic, enriching the blood and decreasing swelling.

Adrenal Medulla: Choleric, energetic, and catabolic, stimulating acute stress response.

Faculty Support: Adrenal glands produce supplementary amounts of sexual hormones, bridging a connection between vital and generative faculties; supporting heart and lungs (vital), kidneys and pancreas in blood sugar regulation (natural), enhancing mental alertness and stimulating the sympathetic nervous system functioning (psychic), supporting male sexual function and response (generative).

Root Center: The adrenals form the basic energetic support for the entire organism, associated with the Root Chakra.

Kidneys & Urinary Tract: Weak adrenals may adversely affect the vitality and functioning of the kidneys and urinary tract, which are interlinked with the adrenal glands'. When the kidneys are not effectively eliminating fluids, it can lead to the accumulation of phlegm and moisture. Additionally, the kidneys have a connection to the soles of the feet which may be affected by cold conditions. Conditions of melancholy or devitalization of the adrenals, kidneys, and urinary tract often correlate with chronic fatigue.

Adrenal Exhaustion: Chronic stress and irregular habits can lead to fatigue, irritability, pain, and impotence in men usually caused by flare-ups of Choleric anger or any experiences which feel like a roller coaster. Sexual overindulgence also exhaust the adrenals.

Male Sexual Function: The adrenal glands provide energetic support for male sexual function. Issues with adrenal energy may result in sexual dysfunction, including impotence or premature ejaculation.

Blood Sugar Regulation: In instances of dangerously low blood sugar, the adrenal glands jump into action, raising levels through adrenaline. Chronic instability may involve adrenocortical hormones, aggravating factors in type II diabetes.

German New Medicine (GNM)

Adrenal Cortex (Off Track)

Conflict: Feeling like you've made a wrong choice or gone down the wrong path.

Under-Functioning: Waterhouse-Friedrichsen syndrome, adrenal gland insufficiency, Addison's disease. Reduced cortisol production, feeling stressed and tired.

Over-Functioning: Excess cortisol (Cushing's disease) with high blood pressure, round face, obesity, muscle atrophy or aldosterone (Conn's syndrome) with high blood pressure, low potassium, weak muscles, thirst, frequent urination.

Adrenal Medulla (Unbearable Stress)

Conflict: Extreme tension from stress, feeling overwhelmed. Something is beyond reach.

Diagnosis: Pheochromocytoma, neuroblastoma. High blood pressure, racing heart, increased blood sugar, sweating.

Astrology

Mars: This planet governs adrenaline, testosterone, male sexual function, playing a role in the catabolic metabolism where fuel is burned. It also oversees the release of toxins, the regulation of red blood cells, iron, and muscle tissue, including tendons and ligaments. It extends to the entire muscular system, embodying vitality and physical strength. The energy of Mars is hot and dry so it's temperament is Choleric. Mars co-rules the adrenals (with Aries/Libra) and the male genitalia (Scorpio).

Aries: Aries is a Choleric sign, and its will to action makes it prone to anger and stress, which deplete and weaken the adrenal glands. The sign is energetic, sharp-eyed, cheerful, and alert, but may become irritable and have a restless tendency to keep going until burnout. This can lead to eyestrain and poor vision as the health of the eyes is dependent on the strength of the adrenals. The preference for stimulants like chili pepper, caffeine, and their attraction to the Sun can overstimulate the adrenal glands, leading them to seek cooling substances like icy drinks, fruits, and seafood.

Libra: Libra, the Sanguine Air sign that rules the kidneys and lower back, is a counterbalance to Aries. The kidneys and genitourinary tract are only as strong and healthy as the adrenal glands, which are their energetic support. Underlying adrenal weakness and exhaustion weakens the kidneys and genitourinary system, leading to urinary debility, urinary tract infections, inflammation or irritation, uremia, and gout. Since male sexual function is also dependent on the strength and health of the adrenal glands, problems may arise in this area.

Aries-Libra Dynamic: Kidneys, adrenals, eyes, head and cranium, low back, lumbar spine, bladder, genitourinary system (especially male), hips and loins. Aries represents personal power, autonomy, honesty, and decisiveness, often leaning towards individualism and assertiveness. Libra, on the other hand, emphasizes cooperation, diplomacy, compromise, and social harmony. While Aries is direct and often acts alone, Libra seeks mutual choice and operates through consensus. This represents a struggle between competition and cooperation, selfhood and partnership, war and peace, doing and being. Finding balance is needed for acid/alkaline balance, as Aries tends to run acidic, and for hormonal balance, where Aries tends toward excess testosterone. The tension between these two forces may cause a lot of frustration and aggravation, particularly in males, manifesting as irritation or inflammation of the genitourinary tract.

Healing and Relief

Diet: Paleo; reduce caffeine, sugars and sweeteners, gluten, starch, white flour, processed foods, and hydrogenated oils.

Nutritional Supplements: Ionic Magnesium, B Vitamins, Omega-3 Fatty Acids, Vitamin C, Zinc, Probiotics, L-Theanine

Herbal Adaptogens: Ashwagandha, Rhodiola Rosea, Holy Basil, Licorice Root, Siberian Ginseng, He Shou Wu

Lifestyle Considerations: Address societal pressure to perform, lack of self-care, and the conflict in real life. Regular exercise of varied intensity. Practice meditation, mindfulness, Tai Chi, Qigong. Express creatively and spend time in nature. Align sleep schedule with circadian rhythm to nourish yin. Hydrate more and add salt to water. Avoid various toxins like dioxin or insecticides which contribute to adrenal malfunction. Spend more time in the sun each day. Don't sit for too long. Try wearing a haramaki, stretch cotton (for summer) or stretch wool (for winter).

These are research notes from the work of Daniel Keown, Michel Odoul, Michael Tierra, Lesley Tierra, Johan Boshwinkel, David Osborn, Judith Hill, Eileen Nauman, Björn Eybl, Caroline Markolin, Deb Shapiro, and Jody Smith.

[traincarsandstars]

"I would like to make a service announcement: Mara does NOT cause male-pollinated baldness; the condition is genetic."

"Other forms of hair loss are caused by diseases like anemia or a thyroid problem, radiation or chemotherapy treatments, medications, such as blood thinners, high doses of vitamin A, and steroids that some men take to help build muscle, called anabolic steroids, scalp infections, problems with your diet, like getting too little iron or too much vitamin A, stress, and keeping hairstyles like tight ponytails, cornrows, or braids for many years."

"If you are experiencing hair loss or any issues I listed, please visit the Alchemy Commission for treatment. Thank you."

[intersex-support]

I've been recording symptoms of lack of estrogens in my body. I started puberty when I was 11 and i am now 15, yet my body seems to be giving big signs of not producing estrogens enough: missed periods, little blood loss, painful periods, lack of curves in my body, lack of breasts, androgynous face and voice. I started to consider having a hormonal imbalance and so what I found was PCOS, but there's a problem: I don't see many signs in my body that might indicate a high production of androgens. I don't have lots of body hair* and I don't have acne at all.

What could it be? I doubt that my puberty is just "late", as I already said. Or at least, at this point its a bit... suspicious...

* I do have body hair , but it's in a regular amount (at least compared to my friend it seems...)

Hi anon!

So as always, we cannot diagnose or give medical advice.

I can see why you might be wondering if there's any intersex variations that might cause some of the effects on your body that you're seeing during puberty. If you don't think you have any signs of high production of androgens, that rules out several intersex variations. Having a period also rules out some other intersex variations. There also can be a lot of causes for irregular and missed periods that aren't intersex variations, so that might also be important to look into.

I can list out a few variations that might possibly be a place to start looking more into, and the first step would probably be to see if you have any other symptoms and traits listed. All of these are pretty rare, and would require medical tests such as blood tests and genetic tests to diagnose.

FSH Insensitvity. People with this variation have a vulva, vagina, and ovaries, but their bodies do not respond to FSH, and their ovaries produce less estrogen. They might not get a period, and might not go through most parts of an estrogen based puberty.

Turner Syndrome. People with Turner's syndrome have a 45XO chromosome pattern instead of 46 XX. There is also mosaic Turner's, where some cells have 45XO and 46 XX. Turner's syndrome would probably only be relevant to you if you have other symptoms like a short height, congenital heart defects, being HoH/deaf, extra skin on the neck, wide chest, inability to straighten elbow joints, and low hairline. People with Turner's don't usually have a period without HRT, but sometimes people with mosaic Turner's do get a period.

Rarer and less likely, but Kallmann Syndrome is a form of hypogonadism where your body produces lower levels of hormones. Another key symptom is just completely missing a sense of smell, so if you don't have a sense of smell, that would be a sign.

Other causes of irregular periods that are not intersex but might be useful to look into are endometriosis and thyroid issues.

Overall, I think it would probably helpful to do some more research and figure out if you have another symptoms if this is something you're interested in exploring. If you don't have many other traits, it might be helpful to look into non-intersex causes of the things you're experiencing.

Truly wishing you the best of luck, anon!

[lilliathshifts]

I love y’all so much, I just say whatever about myself and talk about my medical problems yall don’t care 🫶

Anyway so, probably tmi, I’m 17 and haven’t stared my period yet but first of all everyone seems to WANT me to start but like… why? I have a LOW LOW LOW pain tolerance and I vomit at the slightest things, like one time my sister was talking about her period with her friend and I vomited. I CANT DO IT.

But tomorrow I have to get a sonogram to see if I have anything wrong with my uterus because pcos and endometriosis run in my family. But honestly, I’m hoping I just straight up don’t have one 🙏🙏🙏

But the thing that’s scaring me the most is the probability of having to get an internal ultrasound if they can’t see my uterus, and, MEGA TMI IF YOU DONT WANNA READ EITHER SCROLL OR SKIP AHEAD, I’m pretty sure I have vaginismus which is a condition of when a persons vaginal wall muscles tighten to the point where nothing and I mean NOTHING can penetrate it. And if anything attempted to be put in, it’s very very painful and those wands are huge dude 😭😭

(SKIP AHEAD TO HERE) But I doubt I’ll have to get one. I also have another sonogram next week to look at my thyroid. Also hypothyroidism causes hair loss but so do to meds I have to take so I have no idea which one is actually causing my hair to thin 😭

Oh well, thanks for letting me rant

Peace out and happy shifting dawgs

UPDATE!! Sadly I have a uterus 😭😭 but everything is literally perfect and there’s nothing wrong with me which like ok but

[bluelolblue]

Talk about hashimoto thyroid disease :]

Good time to say I have that ahah, alongside polycystic ovaries and insulin resistance. All three are connected.

Anyways, my point for this post is that my hair is falling off a lot more than it used to. I thought it was because of stress, because of school and everything going on with my grandma, but... I don't have school anymore and things with my grandma got a bit better... why is my hair falling off soo much? Like... not just from brushing it, I wash my hair and there's so much hair left in my hands. My hair is on the floor like everywhere, it's on my bed and I have to pick it up lmao.

I mean, looking at me, you wouldn't guess that, but when I look in the mirror and pull my hair slightly away, I can see how much is missing on that one specific place. I mean, it's not a bald spot, but it could turn into one at this point. And I'm fucking terrified of this. I thought it would get better, but it didn't. So... my only guess for that is my hashimoto got a bit worse and since I'm on like 5 medication, at least one of them has to affect it, too.

I also started taking some pills that help for hair growth and improve nail quality, and I take it 3 times a day now. I should be careful not to accidentally overdose myself lmao. And something that I rub into my scalp before washing my hair, that also supposedly helps. I'm sure it does, I should just try and take better care of myself ahah.

I think I should actually go on an ultrasound again to check my thyroid. It's just that, when someone presses against your throat and whole neck, and proceeds to just move that thing for ultrasounds over your neck... it can trigger a flight response bc it can feel like someone is choking you. So... my anxiety is just triggered. The first time, I almost had a panic attack only because it felt uncomfortable, and it triggered that flight response to me. But probably bc it was the first time, and it had to last longer so the doctor can catch anything more in detail. It's not painful, don't worry, just can feel uncomfortable but it gets better! It's a natural reaction in my opinion, but my doctor was very understanding ^ ^

Yes, hashimoto can cause hair loss. It gets worse if you're under stress all the time. It doesn't mean you'll get bald, no no! But... it can get concerning. And there are other side effects and everything, that's a different story :)

[emptinessinme-s]

Some tips i've collected through the years:

• if you crave sweets constantly and have the financial condition, invest in whey protein. Choose your favorite flavour and be sure to buy the type thats low in carbs, just protein. Whenever you want something sweet you can drink that with coffee, for exemplo (thats sometimes a whole meal for me, in the morning or evening/night)

• make your plate aesthetically looking and eat with manners (dont have to be the societal rules for eating -etiquete- just the rules you've set for your self)

• be honest with yourself:

- if you cant resist it, dont buy it. If you know you will eat the entire thing, dont buy it. Instead, plan for ir – sharing with friends/familly, having a day where that fits your calories, eating that food in public

- doing something else while eating can be a trap. being distracted during the meals is something that i have to ajust everytime, cause sometimes it leads me to overating and other times it helps me make my meal last longer. For me, it will vary accordingly to my anxiety, so i always check it before stting down to eat.

• prepare your food beforehand. There are times you just go for the easy, for whats closer, more in hand, so make sure you'll choose the "good" foods by preparing them before. Ex: whash your vegetables, cut the fruit, cook the meat (chicken breast is great with lots of things)...

• dilute your drinks! Milk, for exemple, it will last longer and be less caloric.

• dont ever leave it to the "next time". Oh, tomorrow i will eat less so i can eat this now, i will skip dinner so its ok if i eat this big plate. Seriouslly, for this thing to work out you gotta make a lifestyle out of it. "Sometimes" will get you nowhere.

• paint your nails, do your make up, take care of your skin, dress nicely (daydream of it, even). Get in character, play the game.

• alcohool 🙏 cigarrets 🙏 tea 🙏 coffe 🙏 gum

• nutricion maxxing! Put greans in everything you can (leafs are low in calories and high in nutrients), eat quality carbs and some fats; season your food!!!

And also eat some salt i swear you will not retain a significant amount of water if you put a normal amount of salt in your food.

--> Fun scientific fact: the marine salt you buy at the market is obliged to be enriched with iodine, wich is essencial for the functioning of you thyroid, wich is responsible for your metabolism!! So a healthy tyroid means a good metabolism wich means easier weight loss.

• save money on food and buy clothes that you like and actually fit you right!! If you feel good about yourself it will be much easier to continue this journey. Especially if you seek confort in food, always treating yourself with something nice (little things – a new nail polish, hair accessory, cheap jewelry..) will help you to not use food as a escape.

• do some exercise, obviously. When you feel your stomach empty, suck in your tummy. It will look so good.. and then when youre eating, never eat to a point where you can no longer suck it in and feel your muscles working.

• brush yout teeth frequently, feelinf the taste of tooth paste will diminish your will to eat (?? works for me)

• baking soda + lemon for reflux and heartburn

• When possible, never eat past 7pm (if necessary for a social event, skip breakfast the next day)

- vacations are a social period. Dont eat alone, wake up late and dont eat breaksfast. You know you"ll be around people in the evening and there will be food and drinks.

• it will be hard. It will be hell. It will hurt. But it will also be worth it.

•

•

•

•••

Anyway just writing it down so i can revisite anytime. They're for personal use but feel free to follow these if any of them tips makes sense to you.

[imaginaryberries]

Having another period, two weeks after my last one. Definitely got a normal and stable hormone situation going on.

The doctor I saw at least admitted that he didn't know much about thyroid stuff which is why he is referring me to an endo, but he did say that if my numbers keep coming back "normal" we'll need to investigate other causes for my symptoms, i.e. see a dermatologist for the leg hair loss, a gynaecologist for the weird periods, etc etc. Which I get, it was outwith the scope of his experience and he was trying to be helpful. But it's also insane to me that I have thyroid labs indicative of, at the very least, something going on, and I'm at exactly the right time postpartum for thyroid issues, and I have almost all of the symptoms including the fairly characteristic ones (outer eyebrow hair loss), and it was still put to me that maybe I'll need to see a dermatologist to see why my hair is falling out lmao

Not treating a TSH of under 10 is very much a UK thing, most countries treat well before that. (Confusingly underactive thyroid causes high TSH.) I've said it before but I've seen countless people in hypo communities saying that they feel dreadful even with a TSH as high as 3. "Normal" range is approx 0.8-4 but in some countries the upper limit is 2.5 - which is also the strict upper limit for pregnancy. Most people on forums and things say optimal is around 1. One of my recent tests had mine at 4.8 and it's been generally trending upwards, along with the antibodies that indicate my thyroid is being attacked by my own immune system, which doubled in the space of four weeks. A higher antibody number doesn't necessarily correlate to more severe illness, but even still. Surely that at least suggests that the autoimmune activity is increasing??

I did say I would need to wait until I got worse before they'd help me and here I am, getting worse and still waiting 🥴

[callsign-magnolia]

I Hope You Dance // Ch. 55

MATURE CONTENT (18+)

A/N: This is cross posted to my Wattpad, so if this seems familiar that is why!

SURPRISE!

I've been away for a while and I'll be honest, I haven't done a lot of writing. Motivation comes and goes and I feel stuck in most of my stories. But I'm glad to at least get this out to y'all.

TW: Mental abuse, emotional abuse, slight physical abuse, death and loss.

Description: When Caila meets Rooster, sparks fly. But, she's already married, to a man who she thought loved her, and won't let her go. Rooster will fight for her, he just has to convince Caila to fight for herself.

Word Count: 4.3k

Chapter 54 | Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Honey.” Bradley said, his hand falling to rest on my thigh. “Yeah?” I asked as he forced my leg to stop bouncing. “It’ll be okay.” He said before leaning over and kissing my temple and I sighed. “I just… I want answers.” I said looking down at him and he gave me a small smile. “I know and in time we’ll have them.” I huffed and sat back on the squeaky exam table. “I hate when you’re being wise.” I said and he chuckled. “Just trying to help.” He took my hand and squeezed it every few seconds until the doctor came in. “Good morning!” Dr. Bearden said as he came in. “Good to see you again, Lieutenant. And you must be the fiancee!” He said, reaching to shake Roosters hand. “Yes, this is my fiancee Lieutenant Bradley Bradshaw.” I smiled, lifting my hand to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Two very accomplished naval aviators. You two are quite the pair.” He said opening his Ipad. “Now, last time you were here we did your annual exam and we did some blood work to test for infertility.” I nodded at him. “All the blood tests were normal. But this time I would like to do a thyroid function panel and a transvaginal ultrasound.” He said and I nodded. “I’ll have the phlebotomist come in here and draw your blood then I’ll be back to do your ultrasound.” I nodded and he stepped out. “You okay?” Bradley asked and I nodded. “Yeah, I’m just ready for this to be over.” I said. After a minute the phlebotomist came in. Bradley turned his head away as she drew all the tubes she needed and only when she had the tubes in hand, hiding the contents did he look back at me. 

“I really hate blood.” He said and I giggled. “I know, honey.” I leaned over, kissing his temple. The chair he sat in next to the tall exam table made it hard to reach him. “Alright!” Dr. Bearden came back in with an ultrasound machine in tow. “So for this I’m going to need your feet in the stirrups.” He set the stirrups up and I slid down, putting my feet in them. Immediately Bradley stood, coming to stand next to me and hold my hand as Dr. Bearden slid a cover over the transducer. “Slide down to the edge a little more for me.” I did as he asked, feeling like I was about to slide off the end. I looked up at Bradley and his eyes were wide and I looked to see what he was looking at. Dr. Bearden was putting lube on the transducer and it was so long. “Now, this may be a little uncomfortable.” I squeezed Bradley’s hands as he pressed the transducer in. It was definitely uncomfortable. Bradley used both of his hands to lift my one to his lips, kissing it. Dr. Bearden stared at the screen as he clicked a few things. I couldn’t help but think about Bradley and I being in this exact position, hoping to see our baby for the first time. I was broke out of my daydream by Dr. Bearden's voice. “You see these lines here?” He asked, pointing to the screen. “Yeah.” Bradley said and Dr. Bearden looked at me for my answer. “Yes.” I muttered. “These lines are accurate with uterine scarring.” My heart dropped as he removed the transducer and his gloves. 

“Caila. When you had your placental abruption, your placenta ripped away from your uterus, causing your miscarriage. When that happened, it left scarring along your uterus. There’s a number of things this means but with the amount of scarring you have, I’ll be honest, it looks like it has almost obliterated your uterus. This can prevent an embryo from implanting; it can block the fallopian tubes, meaning sperm may never reach an egg.” Tears streamed down my cheeks and I tried to hold back my sobs. “It is not impossible by any means. I still think you have a chance of getting pregnant, but I would label you as high risk.” I took a deep breath as Bradley moved my hair out of my face. “Remember what I said to you at your last appointment? A lot of women have these problems and you’re not alone. Going to see a fertility doctor is very common for people on the journey to creating a family. It doesn’t make you less of a woman if you need helping to conceive.” I nodded. “When you do want to start trying, start taking prenatal vitamins. They jury is still out on if they can actually help you conceive. But it can help to make your pregnancies healthier and the longer you take it, the better the effects you’ll have.” He gave me a small smile. “Thanks Dr. Bearden. We’ll keep it all in mind.” With that Dr. Bearden gave me a sad look. “Why don’t you get dressed and I’ll go ahead and start the checkout process for you?” He quickly stood, walking out of the room. A single sob escaped me before I got a hold of myself, standing and grabbing my clothes. Bradley helped me in silence before we walked out of the exam room. We checked out quickly and I all but sprinted out of the office, keeping my head down as to not see all the pregnant women that were waiting. 

We took the elevator back down to the second level of the parking garage and it seemed like the longest ride of my life. I stayed silent the whole way down and as soon as the elevator doors opened I made a beeline for the Bronco. “Honey-” I cut him off by opening my own door and getting in, almost slamming the door closed. I heard him sigh before he got into the driver's seat. I couldn’t look at him, not while I knew that I was the reason we would struggle to have a baby after the wedding. He started the Bronco and backed out of the spot and as soon as we were in drive he took my hand, kissing my knuckles before resting our intertwined fingers on my denim clad thigh. Tears silently ran down my cheeks as I rubbed my thumb along his hand and looked at my ring as it glinted in the light. I was marrying the literal man of my dreams and here I am, wondering how he could want me if I couldn’t give him kids like he wanted. We rode in silence and as we stopped I looked up seeing we were in a drive thru of a local coffee shop that I liked to visit with Phoenix occasionally. Bradley placed an order for a medium black coffee and a large iced mocha. After a few minutes we got our drinks and Bradley let go of my hand long enough to hand me mine before he placed his in the cupholder by the gear shift. I stared down at my coffee as Bradley drove a few minutes to pull into a parking lot in front of the beach. As soon as he put it in park he turned to me, sticking a straw in my drink. “Look at me.” I took a deep breath before casting my gaze up to him. “I am marrying you. I’m marrying you because I love you, not because we could have a baby together. I’m marrying you with or without kids and I am perfectly happy if we spend the rest of our lives together, just me and you and no one else.” A sob immediately hit me as he finished. I held my coffee tightly with both hands as he slid closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling my head to rest on his own shoulder. “I love you.” I managed to choke out. I heard him chuckle as he held me. “I love you too, Mags.” I knew he meant it, but I still didn’t miss the tear that fell into my hair. 

We spent hours at the beach yesterday sitting in the bronco or walking on the beach. Once the tears stopped it became a very good day and it played on repeat in my brain all day today. It was Thursday, the day before we flew out to Tennessee. “Ready for your trip?” Mav asked. I passed him as I was heading out. I nodded at him. “Very ready.” He smiled at my answer. “You guys deserve it. See you Monday, Magnolia.” I nodded and got in the jeep to go home. I was exhausted, so tired from being in the air all day. And not sleeping the night before. I tossed and turned not sure why I wasn’t sleeping. Bradley slept like a rock next to me, his snoring not helping my interim insomnia. But it also made me feel better because there was a time I wasn’t sure I’d ever hear him snoring again. I was sluggish getting out of the car, my body feeling heavy. I dragged my duffel out of the trunk thinking about how grateful I was to be home and done with work for the week. I managed to unlock the door and slide inside, the dogs rushing to greet me as I did. I sighed in relief as I dropped my duffel and bent down to pet them until they calmed down. Once they were satisfied I sat down and untied my boots. I moaned as I slid them off, massaging the sole of my foot a little before finally standing. I simply wanted a shower but I yelped in surprise as I was suddenly lifted and pinned to the wall, lips pressed to mine. I could tell it was Bradley, easy, I could pick him out of a room blindfolded. His cologne invaded my senses and his lips felt a certain way against mine. “Bradley.” I muttered, pulling away. He redirected his attention to my neck and a shiver ran up my spine.

I tried to hold back a moan but it was futile. “Bradley.” I felt him harden against my core and my brain went fuzzy. “Say my name again.” He muttered as he dragged his lips up my neck. “You have to stop.” I said, trying to keep my fingers out of his hair knowing it would only encourage him. “I’ve been cleared.” He muttered, squeezing a handful of my ass through my flight suit. “Your appointment isn’t until nine tomorrow morning. You haven’t actually been cleared yet.” His appointment was the one thing we had to do before our flight tomorrow. He pulled away from my neck, grinning up at me. “They had a cancellation. I got in today and I am completely cleared.” Tears welled in my eyes. I knew he’d probably be cleared, but to have confirmation of that was so relieving. “Really?” I asked, giving in and letting my fingers trail into the hair on the back of his head. “I’m in perfect health. Stitches are healed, everything sounds good and looks good. I could do everything I could do before.” It was like a weight lifted off me and he leaned in, kissing me. “That means I can do whatever I want to my fiance, and I think I’ll start up in our room.” He turned to take us up the stairs and I couldn’t help but laugh. “We still have to pack.” I thought he might stop and put me down, but he continued right up the stairs. “I already packed the suitcases while you were at work and we now have a nine a.m. flight instead of a noon flight.” 

I furrowed my brows as he topped the stairs. “How did you change the flights?” I asked and he grinned at me. “I called the airline, had them change it and begged them to not email you about the change.” He kicked the door closed behind us before dropping me onto the neatly made bed. “Of course you did.” I remarked as he crawled over me. “Roo, I haven’t showered yet.” I said, my hands on his shoulders. He smirked at me before grabbing the zipper of my flight suit. “That’s okay.” He buried his nose in my neck. “I love when you smell like jet fuel. Besides, you’d need a second shower anyway after I’m done with you.” He dragged the zipper down, and I didn’t dare stop him.  He jerked my flight suit off my shoulders and pulled it down my waist. He stood from the bed, grabbing my ankles and dragging me to the end of the bed. He slowly pulled off my socks before kissing my ankles, holding my gaze as he did. I loved when he was like this. Sweet and almost primal. It was like two sides of him colliding. I lifted my hips for him to slip my flight suit off and as soon as he did he tossed it to some corner of the room.. I wasn’t sure which though. Because I was too busy watching him sink to his knees before me. Denim clad legs hit the floor as I sat up, leaning back on my hands. His large hands gripped my thighs and I was surprised at how big they looked against my legs. He pushed my legs farther apart and my chest heaved as he placed kisses on my inner thigh. He worked his way to my core, placing a kiss on me over my white thong. His hands slid up to my hips and his fingers curled into my waist band. His eyes met mine and I lifted my hips for him to pull my panties off, which he did agonizingly slow. He tossed them behind him and he inched forward ever so slightly before leaning in, running his tongue along my slit. 

I cried out as he found my clit, his lips wrapping around it and sucking. I scooted closer, my fingers tugging on his curls as his arms wrapped around my thighs. “Oh, Roo!” It’s been so long since we’ve touched each other like this and I knew it wouldn’t be long before I came and Rooster knew it too. His tongue delved inside me and I gasped at the sensation. I felt Rooster’s hand on my belly and he pushed me to lay back. My hands stayed in his hair as he moved my legs to be tossed over his shoulders, allowing him to plunge deeper into my core. I was a mess and whining as he ran his hands up my body, reaching under my shirt to grip my breasts through my bra. The knot in my stomach grew tighter and Bradley shifted his hands to slip underneath my bra and pinch my nipples lightly which caused my back to arch ever so slightly. “Oh god! I’m close. Roo-” I was cut off as my orgasm hit me and I gasped. He didn’t stop. Working me over until my body was shaking. He was breathing heavily as he stood. He leaned over my now limp body. “You okay?” He asked with a devilish grin. “I’m great.” I replied and he smiled, leaning down to kiss me. His hands rested on my sides and I tasted myself on his lips, I remembered how euphoric it really was. My hands rose to rest on his neck, losing myself in him. He pushed my black undershirt up and we separated long enough for him to pull it over my head. He pulled me to sit up, reaching behind me and flicking the hooks of my bra, causing them to let loose so he could drag it down my arms. He held my gaze as I leaned forward, slowly unbuttoning his shirt. He had this planned because he didn’t have on an undershirt, which he always does.

I pushed my hands to his shoulders, slowly sliding his shirt off as I placed a kiss just above his belly button. So many weeks of not being in the gym made him soft. He was still fit, distractingly so, but his abs weren’t as defined anymore. I loved it though. His shirt fell to the floor and I immediately went for the buttons of his jeans. He helped me push them down and he stepped out of them, leaving him in his white boxer briefs which he knew drove me crazy. He was rock hard and it was incredibly obvious in the white underwear. I placed a kiss on the outline of his cock and he leaned his head back, sighing as he did. I grabbed his waistband and pulled them off just like he did me, tossing them to some forgotten corner. He hissed as his cock slapped his lower torso and I smirked. I leaned forward with my tongue out as I licked from his base to his tip before taking most of him in my mouth. I felt him take my hair that was in a bun, in his hands, bobbing my head on him a few times before pulling me off him. He leaned down, his eyes meeting my own. “When I come, I want to be inside you. Now, move back.” A shiver ran down my spine at his words and I moved myself back up the bed. He followed immediately and pushed me to lay back. He slotted himself between my thighs before laying his body weight on me. His lips landed on mine and I moaned as his hands grazed my sides. My arms wrapped around his shoulders, nails grazing his skin. “I missed you today.” He said before turning his attention to my neck. “I’ve been going crazy being here while you’re at work.” He kissed the hollow of my throat as he worked his way down to my chest. “But today was especially difficult.” He muttered against my skin. “You know why?” He asked, knowing my head would be fuzzy. “Because I knew exactly what I could do to you when you came in the door.” 

I moaned as he took my nipple between his teeth. I spread my legs more, feeling the head of his cock nudging my thigh. “Bradley, please.” I was not above begging. I never was with him, and he knew it. “I love it when you ask nicely.” He sat up on his knees, hiking my legs over his hips and drawing me closer. He lined himself up before pushing against me and I gasped as I felt him. He stopped, stilling his hips before he leaned back over me and kissing me. “Roo, please.” I knew he was teasing me and I wasn’t sure I could handle it. “Not yet, pretty girl. It’s been six weeks. I don’t wanna hurt you.” He leaned his forehead against mine, his lips dragging across my face. He stared down at me as he pulled out slightly, before pushing in a little farther than last time. “You like that, pretty girl?” He asked and I moaned in response. “God I can’t wait to have my cock buried inside you.” He slowly pushed his way deeper, each thrust allowing him to enter me another inch by another inch. Finally, he was buried to the hilt inside me. “Bradley.” I gasped out. My arms wrapping around him and my nails digging into his skin. “You’re so tight, pretty girl.” He moaned at a particularly smooth thrust. He dropped his forehead to mine again, his lips landing on my nose for a split second as he stilled inside me. “Mm… so full.” I muttered. Any time Bradley and I have sex, I basically go dumb. “I know, pretty girl. I know.” He slowly started rolling his hips, causing him to slip out and the angle was just right for him to hit that soft spot inside of me. “Oh fuck. Roo.” He knew what he was doing and he gave me a wide mischievous smile. “You like that, honey? You like taking my cock.” I moaned and gasped as he trailed his fingers down my abdomen, all the way till he brushed my clit. “Don’t rush it, Bradley.” I said as I reached down and grabbed his wrist. 

He raised a brow at me before chuckling and removing his hand. “Whatever you want, Mags.” He tucked one hand under my back and intertwined the fingers of his left hand with my right. He put pressure on my back, causing me to arch ever so slightly and a moan escaped him as the angle shifted. I grinned at him. “I love when you make noises for me.” His face tinged red at my words. He rarely made any noise other than grunting and dirty talk in bed. I could tell I caught him off guard with what I said, but it was true. I squeezed my pelvic floor, clenching around him and causing his thrusts to stutter. He cut his eyes to mine before pulling out almost all the way and slamming back into me. I yelped and he just chuckled. His thrusts grew rougher and he sat back on his knees again. He pinned my hips to the bed, the pressure adding to how he felt inside me. “Gonna cum so deep inside you, Mags.” His chest was heaving and sweat started forming on his neck and chest. I reached out, gripping his forearms as he fucked me. I wanted to speak, say anything to agree with him. But I couldn’t do much of anything except hasp and moan. A familiar feeling started to grow in my belly, one that I experienced only a few minutes ago. “Need you to cum on my cock, pretty girl.” He leaned over me again, his hand reaching down once more to touch me and this time, I didn’t stop him. “I want to feel you cum around me. Need it.” I tossed my arms around him again, one hand tucked around between his shoulder blades and the other fisting the curls at the back of his head. “Oh god, Bradley! Yes! Yes!” I chanted, knowing it would only spur him on. 

He wrapped his arms around me, one hand on my waist, the other creeping around my shoulder for leverage. His forehead pressed to mine and his hot breath fanned my face. Our lips barely brushed together and it felt like fireworks went off everywhere inside my body. “I love you, Mags. More than anything.” All I could do in response was tilt my head up and kiss him. His hips stuttered before he buried himself deep inside me, practically flooding me with his release. I never thought I could miss being this close to someone. He was breathing heavily as he leaned his head on my chest. I felt him move his hand from my shoulder and I whimpered as the rough skin of his hand nudged my clit again. He listed himself off of me just enough to be in a good position to work me towards my orgasm and take my right nipple in his mouth. That coupled with him still buried inside me sent me straight over the edge. I gasped and my body shook harshly as Bradley slowly brought me down from my high. We stayed like that for who knows how long before he finally lifted his head. He stared at me, a dopey grin on his face as my mind raced. What we just did got me thinking about everything Dr. Bearden said in my appointment. “I want to start taking prenatal vitamins.” His eyebrows shot up. “Yeah?” He sat up, straddling my legs and I nodded. “Are we still waiting until after the wedding?” I sat up and grabbed his hands in mine. “Yeah.” I said quietly. “I just want to take them because when the time comes we have a higher chance of having a healthy pregnancy.” He smiled at me before leaning down and kissing my forehead. “Of course,” I started, catching his attention. “This means we’ll have to use condoms. Every time.” He groaned, falling onto the bed beside me. “We’re gonna go broke buying condoms.” I laughed loudly at his words. He pulled me down next to him and squeezed me. “Hungry?” He asked. “Yes. But I need a shower first. I smell like sweat and jet fuel and I do not like the combination.” He got up and pulled me to my feet. “Let’s get you in the shower then.” 

The next morning I was incredibly sore between my legs. “You okay, honey?” Rooster asked, leaning down and brushing my hair from my face. “I hurt.” I mumbled, still half asleep. “I’m sorry, honey. I should’ve been gentler with you. “He kissed me on the cheek. “I promise I’ll be more gentle next time.” I hummed, stretching my arms over my head. “Uber will be here in an hour. I’ve laid out some pants and one of my t-shirts for you.” I smiled at him. “Thank you, honey.” It took me a few minutes to finally get up and I dragged when I finally did. I slowly got dressed and braided my hair before making my way downstairs. “Coffee?” Bradley asked and I shook my head. “No. I’ll just drink water for now.” He smiled and drank his coffee. “So, what car did you rent?” He asked. “A Silverado.” I replied and he fake gasped. “We are a Ford family. The jeep is the exception.” I laughed loudly. “We are a ‘whatever is affordable’ family.” He laughed, stepping behind me and kissing my head. “I like when you’re frugal.” I hummed. “Wait until I tell you I started buying certain foods only if they’re on sale.” He groaned, wrapping his arms around me. “I love you.” He said and I turned in his arms. “I love you too.” 

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