#though how it's supposed to actually help with the trauma and stuff i have no idea

[clouds-of-wings]

When I started looking for a therapist, I thought finding one who's certified for general health insurance and who has slots open would be hard, finding one with a private practice would be easy. I was wrong about that. Finding one with a private practice is hard. Finding one who's certified and not booked out is impossible.

[inkskinned]

the other day we were talking about balance beams because you said that your family had one of those cool winch ones that wrap around trees to make a high wire. even though i was pretty good i had to quit gymnastics at 12 because we couldn't afford dance and gymnastics but. i had something-other.

and i got excited because i think it's a funny story. i didn't have a door for about 4 years. 13-17, or there about. i only got it back because i replaced it myself.

i think my dad took it off the hinges just because his very-macho friend david had said - i do this to punish my kids. and then about a week later it was down on the ground and then eventually rotting in a shed. i used to visit it on occasion and tilt it between two boxes so i could try to walk across the side of it. i have a scar on my foot from attempting the act of balance-beam fancy dancing. it's shaped like a crescent moon. a hinge sliced into my skin when the whole thing slipped out from underneath me.

and you looked at me and you said - what the fuck?

and i said, do you want to see? because i thought the thing you were replying to was the injury. i was already undoing my shoelaces.

you're supposed to have a door, you said slowly. you were a teenager. you - i've seen your house. you lived at the end of the hall.

i didn't understand the problem. so? i wriggled out of my shoe and then my sock.

so, you said it gently, which made me slow down. you said it in the way people tell me that i experienced something bad and i have no idea that it was supposed to be something-else instead. anyone coming down the stairs or in the hallway could see directly into your room. you were in a fishbowl for four years, am i understanding that correctly?

i stared at you, and then said the other things: well, it wasn't so bad. i just wore a towel and tucked myself into a corner to change. i could always just change in the bathroom. privacy didn't really exist for any of us. i wasn't allowed to decorate so it wasn't really my room anyway. i didn't have a lot of things growing up; so it's not like i minded having a semi-public space. my siblings left me alone if i needed them to. what's the big deal anyway.

this is accidentally what emotional vampires incorrectly label as a "trauma dump". this is accidentally how you learn that my house was actually unsafe. i don't even consider this a problem, because everything else was so much worse, in a way. i didn't know it was supposed to be different. at the time, i didn't know what privacy was. i just lied about most stuff and got good at hiding in public. i haven't ever lied about this because i didn't know it was supposed to be different. i am 31.

you looked pale and ready to throw up. you had a right to a door for your room. you were a kid. someone should have helped you.

i was busy examining the sole of my foot. the scar really does look like the moon.

[criminalyapping]

due for trouble | head first, fearless

the pitt masterlist main masterlist

pairing: jack abbot x f!reader

a/n: widower jack backstory time hey ya. hello, word vomit!! hope u like it besties and as always, if there’s anything you want to see in this world, send me an ask and i’ll write it for you <3

title from miss t swizzle because i am an unapologetic swiftie tysm

warnings: unplanned pregnancy, age gap, language, jack’s backstory includes his time in the military, losing his leg, and death via car accident

< part 9 | part 11 >

Somehow, after almost a week at this point, Jack and you are still on the outs.

He’s done his best to stay present; he’s supposed to be helping his own case about sticking around, so ignoring you isn’t an option. Not that he would even want to. He’s been texting you regularly; asking you how you’re feeling, checking in, all of that stuff.

He typically receives dry answers, a few hours after he sends them.

He feels as though he’s at an impasse. What could he do to prove to you that he’s there and not going anywhere?

He’s thought a lot about actually getting down on one knee and proposing to you. Telling you that you can go get hitched right then, with absolutely no prenup and the promise that even if you want a divorce, he’ll be required to pay child support. Probably a lot, based on how much he makes. But he would do it happily and with no ill-will.

If that will put you at ease, just enough to let him carry some of the weight on your shoulders, then he would do it.

But in his wildest dreams he would want to wait, buy you a nice ring that he knows you’ll like and ask you to marry him without the fear he knows is clouding your mind.

He did the whole rush into marriage thing before; and while he doesn’t regret his first marriage, the 12 years he had with his wife weren’t all sunshine. The time he spent deployed, the trauma and fallout from losing his leg, and his emotional immaturity from getting married at 19 didn’t lead to the healthiest of relationships. He and his wife were already estranged when she passed away in that car accident.

Not to say that her passing hadn’t wrecked him; it had. How do you spend 12 year tied to someone like that and have it all gone in the squeal of some tires on a snowy day? At 31, Jack knew that he had a lot of life ahead of him. He had hoped that he and his wife would have been able to work it out. Instead, he planned a funeral, picked out a headstone, and watched as they buried her, all hopes of reconciliation gone before they could even start.

Jack had always thought that he would be a good dad. But after his wife died, he had no interest in putting himself out there, and decided that having kids wasn’t in the cards for him. That is, until you came along.

You, with your snarky attitude and your drive and determination, came into his life at that bar one night and turned his world completely on its head in just over a month.

Now, once again he finds himself thinking. Thinking of a little girl with his nose. Building a trampoline for the backyard. Watching t-ball games and cheering a little too loudly when his kid touches home plate. Learning to braid hair, or paying too much for swimming lessons, or watching an elementary school talent show.

And he’s excited about it. For so long, his life has felt like a routine. Go to work, go home, think about work, go to therapy, think about work, and go to work. He’s tried all the hobbies. He’s read and he’s built things and he’s crocheted and he’s collected and about a million other things.

Boredom is what finally pushed him to start going to bars, alone, and seeing what’s going on. He had great conversations, talking with other vets over scotch, talking with med students about their classes, talking with bartenders about their lives. Getting little peeks into others’ lives as his own felt more and more isolated and monotonous. And luckily, his boredom had brought him you.

You, and what he now thinks is the biggest gift of his life.

So again, he asks himself, what can he do to show you? He thought he was doing a good job of being present. Try as he might, he can’t seem to come up with and initiate a plan. Truth be told he’s hurt at your hesitation. But he also reflects on the differences between you; your ages, your money situations, your place in your lives, and he gets it, to a certain extent. He would tell any young woman to do the same, be cautious. But this is different because it’s him.

Jack lives in a roomy duplex, 3 beds and 2 baths. He curses himself for not getting a house. One with a backyard, and a bathtub. All he has is two shower stalls; not perfect for a baby’s bath time.

He has a running list of furniture that he needs to buy. A bassinet and a crib and a changing table and about a thousand other things. He’s trying not to think about living situations. He had the thought that you could move in, share in his life and have the baby’s room just down the hall from yours. He still thinks about that, but reins it in and tells himself not to get ahead of himself.

So for now, he’ll stay here, seated in his spare room, which currently houses his record collection, his books, and a desk, all collecting dust, and ponder to himself about nursery decor.

It’s 1pm on a Sunday, a shift waiting for him tonight. He should be sleeping, but he can’t.

He’s glad he’s not, because he hears a knock at his door that pulls him up from the floor, groaning.

Opening it, he’s delighted to see you standing in front of him. His delight turns quickly to worry as he sees the tight expression on your face. As he looks closer, he sees your flushed cheeks, sweat beading on your forehead, and puffy and dark undereyes.

“Hey, sweetheart, what’s going on?” he asks you.

Your eyes dart around wildly as you bite your lip, your eyebrows tilted down in a mournful expression. You sniff once.

“I don’t feel good.” you tell him in a vulnerable voice. He ushers you into his home and closes the door behind you, watching the way you immediately start to shiver as the air conditioning hits your frame.

He smooths your tangled hair back from your face and places a hand on your clammy forehead.

“Yeah,” he mutters, “you have a fever.”

He works fast, getting you in his bed and sipping on a glass of water.

“What hurts?” he asks you tenderly.

“My throat,” you manage to say, swallowing some water with a wince.

“Let me see,” he urges, turning on the flashlight of his phone and looking in your mouth.

“Yeah,” he agrees, “no way to tell for sure but it’s probably strep. We need to get your fever down, I’ll get you some Tylenol.” he says, walking to his bathroom and retrieving the pills.

He hands over two pills, and you choke them down with another sip.

“How long have you had the fever?” he asks.

“I didn’t feel great last night, and when I woke up this morning it was worse.” you tell him.

“Well, thank you for coming to me,” he says gently, brushing more hair away from your face. “We need to get a test to make sure and some antibiotics.” he says.

You groan, not looking forward to leaving his big, comfy bed you had just settled in to.

“I know,” he coos, “but as soon as we’re done and have the prescription, we can come right back here.”

“Do you have to work tonight?” you ask.

“No.” he says, lying through his teeth and thinking about who he’ll text for coverage.

He helps you stand up again, holds you up while you slip on your shoes, and ushers you into the front seat of his truck, driving you to the nearest urgent care.

Jack checks you in, and returns to sit next to you on a stiff waiting room chair. You sleepy head falls onto his shoulder, and he gives the top of your head a quick kiss.

After about 15 minutes, your name is called and you stand up.

“Do you want me to come?” Jack asks.

“Yeah,” you agree.

After a quick explanation and round of vitals, your throat gets swabbed and sent for a rapid test.

You’re left alone in the room with Jack as you wait for the results.

“Thank you, Jack.” you say quietly.

“Of course, honey,” he says, rubbing his hands over his face.

“No, really,” you clarify, “thank you. I was a dick the last time we talked.”

Jack sighs.

“You weren’t a dick.” he disagrees, “you’re scared, and I understand.”

“Still,” you croak, “I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. And I come crawling back after a week when I’m sick and you don’t think twice.”

“Of course I didn’t.” he says.

“You’re a good man, Jack Abbot.” you tell him.

“Ahh, sometimes.” he jokes, getting you to crack a smile. Jack stands up, coming to sit next to the exam table you’re perched on, and wraps an arm around your shoulders. He squeezes, just a little, and rests his chin on the top of your head.

“Just for the people I love.” he says, his chin moving gently against your skull.

You freeze. While you and Jack have skirted around it, saying that you ‘mean a lot’ to each other, hearing him say out loud for the first time that he loves you is like getting straight ice water poured on you. Before you can respond, the doctor returns.

“So, the strep test was positive, so I’ll call in a prescription for some antibiotics. Take them once a day until they’re gone. Keep using Tylenol as directed for the fever, keep hydrated, and get lots of rest.” she urges.

You’re barely listening. Jack loves you. He loves you.

You’ve really got to think about where to go from here.

tagging: @michasia24 @veggieburgerwrites @bruher @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @catmomstyles3 @qardasngan @fuckalrighty @rae4725 @beebeechaos @thatssomebadhat89 @cari87 @livingdeadblondequeen @wowitsafemale @neonpurplestars89-blog @starswin @celiacallsitcausal @vinceelser @glamorizethechaos @nerdgirljen @namgification @li22ie2017

let me know if you want on the taglist!!

[alllgator-blood]

'FOGGY STREETS AND CHRISTMAS LIGHTS'

(part 3/3)

I'm gonna infodump about the backstory of this comic, don't feel obligated to read it because it's not cotl related it's just personal stuff, I just want to be able to write about it somewhere cause I can't really talk to anyone about it.

As always, thanks for reading this far, sorry my stuff has been such a bummer so consistently. This comic goes out to all my "christmas induced depression" homies, I left my house maybe like ~5 times all month and it was NOT pleasant hearing "IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!!" on the radio when I'm so ready for it to be over. Gonna take it reaaaaal easy til the year ends, you guys take it easy too!! Got some asks I have to respond to when I'm more stable but probably no new comic pages til january

Alright uhhh so this part of the comic is pretty much taken directly from the last time I saw my great-grandma alive, a few days before christmas. She didn't remember me, but at the nursing home there was a piano, and I sat down and played some stuff because I didn't know what to say. I was really into lisa the painful rpg at the time, and I played that "I've got the joy" song that the villain sings without realizing it was an old christian campfire song. She didn't really say much or move that whole night, just kind of gave me a polite blank smile, but started singing the words when I played the notes to that song.

I kinda stopped in shock, my dad frantically asked me to keep playing, so I did. While the comic I made is way more sappy than the actual moment was, I wish I'd cherished the moment longer. I didn't know it was the last time I'd see her alive. Every family christmas was held at her house when she was around, so it's been weird the past few years. I actually lost another dementia-addled grandma to cancer on christmas eve in 2009, so the holiday was already kind of weird for me on top of everything else that makes me sad this time of year. That's what part 2 was about, I'll spare the details but I wrote leshy to act out how I felt back then. Why are we all sad? This is supposed to be a happy time, all the decorations are up and we're almost all here, so why is everyone smiling yet everything feels so wrong? I feel like since leshy's canonically the most ignorant one to things lurking below the surface, he'd be the one to try and make everyone feel better but not quite understand why everyone is so miserable. My first memory of having self injurious behavior came from then, hence why I had leshy pull his leaves off in the last comic. It was confusing and frustrating and I was just old enough to comprehend something was wrong, but not old enough to understand the depth of it, it DEFINITELY didn't help that nobody helped me back then so I made leshy's siblings actually come in clutch instead of grabbing him/yelling at him.

That night with the piano was something that's stuck with me the few years she's been gone, but I felt kind of strange when I asked my dad and my sister about it and neither of them remembered it. The room we were in was completely empty so nobody else witnessed it but us three. I myself have a history of head trauma and memory loss (plus, native americans are disproportionately more likely to develop dementia... lucky us) so if I ever forgot about that moment, there'd be nobody left to remember it. Sometimes when I do comics, it's my way of going "this happened at some point, and the only evidence it ever happened was me witnessing it, so if something happens to me I want the memory to stay alive in some form."

Anyway. The autistic urge to overshare, am I right? Idk what my religious ass great-grandma would think of me drawing demonic comics about my last memory of her, she'd probably think it's funny though cause she raised my dad whose interests have always been "death metal and devil worship". I'm not sure if anyone read this far, I just hope my dumb comics can convey the things I can't say with my voice and struggle to say through text. None of this was supposed to be "feel bad for me!! Woe is me!!", it was supposed to me more like...cathartic? Healing? I almost didn't post this comic because it felt kinda weird, but seeing people connect with it made it worth it imo. Thank you

[suzukiblu]

WIP excerpt for Cheshire behind the cut; “Billy adopts Conner and it actually goes pretty good!” (( chrono || non-chrono ))

“. . . sure,” Lynn repeats, finally. Billy reflexively brightens. 

“Cool!” he says excitedly, linking his hands together behind his back to keep himself from the reflexive clap he almost went for. Probably the clap thing would be kinda dorky, to a teenager. Or just kinda loud to a baby; either/or. “Um–cool, yeah. Do you want help picking one out, or do you wanna do it by yourself? Or, um, try by yourself first, and me or Tawky can help if you have trouble? Or me and Tawky, if you want!” 

Lynn stares at him some more again. Billy probably seems incredibly uncool to a teenager and incredibly weird to a baby, though he doesn’t really know which one of those things Lynn is thinking right now. Like–it could be both, probably. Probably it could be both. 

Gods, how is he supposed to be a cool enough dad for his teenager while also not being too weird a dad for his baby? How’s he supposed to even do that? He’s gonna need his own books. Like, just so many parenting books and stuff. And also, like–he’s probably gonna have to do some trial and error stuff, probably? Like, that kind of thing, he guesses? 

Well . . . actually, Billy guesses it’s a little weird, but probably, like . . . books about kids with developmental delays or trauma would probably be able to tell him how to split that difference, right? Like, come to think? Like the parts where Lynn’s a teenager and the parts where he’s a newborn and the parts where he isn’t really either, probably. Billy’s second-least-shitty social worker had said some stuff about developmental delays and stuff like that a couple times, and then the guy’d tried to send him to a psychologist like he’d actually thought Billy was dumb enough to talk to a state psychologist about jack shit, and–

Maybe Billy should be getting books about kids with developmental delays or trauma, yeah. That’s maybe a thing he should do, yeah. 

He really needs to, like, start keeping a to-do list already. 

“. . . dunno,” Lynn says stiffly, glancing awkwardly towards the stacked-up piles of books. “Uh–there’s . . . a lot.” 

“Oh, yeah, kinda,” Billy says, then thinks–well, since Lynn hasn’t been talking that much, if he bothered mentioning that there were a lot of something . . . “Want me and Tawky to pick out a few that look good for bed, and then you can pick from those? So it’s not, like, so many all at once?” 

“. . . sure,” Lynn says. Billy doesn’t really know how to read Lynn all that well yet, but he does think the other maybe sounds a little relieved about that offer. Which, well, hopefully he is? Since that’s like, the whole reason Billy made the offer and all. 

“Cool!” he repeats cheerfully. “We can pick some out while you, like–brush your teeth and wash your face and stuff. Or take a shower? Um, I guess you did just get changed, but you could if you wanted. Or a bath, even! It’s like . . . evening-y and all. Or you could do it in the morning, whatever you wanna. But I don’t think we have bubble bath and it’s way better with bubble bath. But we could get some! Like, later, I mean. Um. Did I show you where the bathroom was yet? Well, um–bathrooms, I guess, I guess there’s two of ‘em.” 

There are two–the bigger one’s in the hall, and then a smaller one’s actually attached to the biggest bedroom, so Billy guesses that one’s kind of “his”, technically, but like, he doesn’t care if Lynn wants to use it too. Lynn’s a baby. Though also he’s like . . . a teenager, so yeah, he might care. Billy has definitely met some teenagers who really care about which bathroom they use. 

The idea of caring whose bathroom is whose is really weird to Billy, honestly, but also he’s not a teenager yet, so like . . . yeah, who knows. Teenagers are kinda just weird too, he’s pretty sure? That’s what everybody says, anyway, and he’s met some pretty weird ones himself, so yeah. 

Also–well. Billy hasn’t really been in a situation where it was up to him which bathroom was “his” or which bathroom he could use or anything like that in . . . a really long time, yeah. Or like–ever, really. His parents had a bathroom attached to their bedroom too, and there was like a “half-bath” on the first floor without a shower or tub or anything in it, and he’d just always used the one next to his bedroom with the– 

Billy feels–weird, suddenly, and stops thinking about . . . that. Stops thinking about . . . his old house, he means. His–parents’ house. 

He doesn’t usually . . . think about that, is all. So it’s–weird, thinking about it now. And like, he guesses it makes sense that he is, like how he’s thinking so much about his parents now that he’s a parent too, just . . . 

Just–it’s weird, thinking about it. 

That’s all. 

“I know where the bathrooms are,” Lynn says, which is admittedly pretty obvious. It’s a big apartment, but it’s not like a huge giant house or mansion or something; there’s only so much space. And Billy did show him the bedrooms earlier, at least, and at least where a couple things are, so . . . well, yeah, it’s pretty obvious. 

“Okay, cool,” Billy says. “Do you know how to get ready for bed or do you need a hand or anything?” 

“. . . I know how to get ready for bed,” Lynn says, staring blankly at him. 

“. . . do you want a hand or anything?” Billy offers, just because that phrasing wasn’t, like, an actual no. Lynn–frowns, briefly, and glances towards the wall. 

“Um,” he says. “. . . no.” 

“Okay!” Billy says cheerfully, and really can’t help brightening up again. “Then Tawky and I’ll pick out the books while you’re doing that, okay?” 

“. . . okay,” Lynn says, sparing him a long, blank look. Then he turns around abruptly and disappears back down the hall. Billy feels pretty good about the conversation, he thinks? Lynn told him he needed some stuff, and told him he didn’t need some stuff, and he told Lynn what he could do to help him with the stuff he needed help with, and Lynn said okay to him helping. 

And he’s just, like–he’s really proud, that Lynn feels okay enough to say “no” to him. Like, proud of Lynn for doing it to begin with, but also a little bit proud of himself for apparently doing an okay enough job at being a dad so far that Lynn thought it was safe to say “no” to him. 

Like–definitely he’s proud of that.

[questionableratatouille00]

ʜɪɢʜᴡᴀʏ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇʟʟ

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary: In an effort to get the two of you to bond, Tony Stark sends you and the ex-assassin Bucky Barnes on a road trip together. The reason? You hate each other. The situation? Two weeks in a car together. The reward: three days of a resort vacation. And the problem? He's kinda cute.

Warnings (Entire Series): Enemies-to-lovers, cursing, sexual tension, angst, fluff, crying, fighting, violence, chaos, mentions/talk of trauma, discussions of mental health, and potentially more.

Warnings: Enemies-to-lovers, sexual tension, cursing, arguments.

[Series Masterlist]

𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝑻𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝑨𝒊𝒏’𝒕 𝑩𝒊𝒈 𝑬𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑩𝒐𝒕𝒉 𝒐𝒇 𝑼𝒔

“It’s just two weeks, Buck. You’ll be fine.” Steve attempts to reassure his best friend, though it doesn’t seem to be working. “She’s really not as bad as you make her out to be.”

Bucky says nothing, rolling his eyes instead. "This whole idea is a waste of time. I'm not going." He grumbled. Stark had the grand idea to send the most incompatible people in the entire Avenger's Compound on a fucking road trip.

"You have to go. Tony said it's non-negotiable. I'm sure she doesn't like the idea either, but there's nothing we can do about it. Just...try and make the best of it." Steve offered, tipping his head and shrugging hesitantly.

"That's easy for you to say. You don't have to actually go." Bucky grumbled, stuffing more things into a suitcase. Steve was supposed to be helping, but he was really just there to try and convince Bucky that this was for the greater good, or whatever. Something like that.

This was going to be an insufferably long two weeks.

"Two weeks and three days. Three days of actual vacation! This is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard. Nat, you gotta get me out of this." You pleaded with the Avenger.

"Already tried. Tony won't budge." She gave an apologetic shrug. "Maybe you'll find out you share a lot of common interests."

"Right, because me and the ninety-nine year-old man are basically twinsies. Thanks, Nat."

"Maybe you'll just decide to fuck halfway-through." Yelena interrupts. "Like, full-on go at each other. The tension is very strong. Very strong." Her accent is thick as she digs through your closet.

"She's right, I've read too many romance novels to know how this turns out." Kate agrees, judging your shoe collection.

"What? Ew--God, no. That's...so fucking disgusting to think about." You shudder. "He's a total asshole."

"He's not so bad." Yelena shrugged. "Helped take down the Red Room. Good enough for me."

"He can't be that bad, right? I haven't really talked with the guy, but he seems chill." Kate ponders.

"What they mean to say is that it will be fine." Nat attempts to assure you, spinning you by the shoulders to face her.

"I hate him and I hate everything about it." You rage quietly as Yelena stuffs shampoo and conditioner into your suitcase. You were packing one suitcase and one backpack. Yelena, Kate, and Natasha were supposed to be helping, but they were really just goofing off and occasionally helping you grab something.

"The trip isn't even worth it, anyway. One week of driving to get there, three days of the actual resort, and then a week back. It doesn't make any sense." You tried to reason.

"The whole point of the trip is to get you two to bond. Or at least to not bicker and argue over the comms during missions." Nat rationalized. "It'll not only be good for you two, but for the team as a whole."

You thought for a moment, considering it. You could agree that the idea made sense, but still. He was a dick to you most of the time, so what was the point?

"Fine." You said. "But if he starts shit, I'm not going to let him walk all over me."

Sighing, Natasha nodded.

"If he pisses you off, just kill him--very easy. You know how to do it." Yelena stated ever so casually.

"Yelena!" Kate and Natasha exclaimed at the same time.

You scowled as you loaded your suitcase and backpack into the backseat of the truck. You even made sure all of your stuff was directly behind the driver's seat. Your seat. You were going to drive.

Bucky Barnes, seemingly getting the message, put his singular suitcase behind the passenger side.

Tony and Steve stood outside the huge garage, watching as the two of you loaded up the truck. Tony had bought the truck a while ago, but he never really ended up driving it often. He thought it would be perfect for this trip.

"Don't die, if you sleep in the car make sure to lock the doors, get a motel when you can, stay safe and have fun, blah blah blah, don't crash my truck." Tony told the two of you. Steve gave him the Eyebrows of Disappointment before turning back to you.

"Please don't kill each other. Stay in a motel or something when you can." Steve quickly hugged Bucky goodbye, stepping inside, and you turned to walk to the driver's side.

"What're you doing?" Bucky asked from behind you.

"Getting in the car?" You snarked back. The way he had asked his question annoyed you.

"I'm driving." He declared.

"No you're not. I am. You watched me put my stuff behind the seat--my seat!"

"I am driving the damn car. Move."

"No you are fucking not. Get your ancient ass to the passenger seat." You growl.

"Your driving is shit. Move out of the way before I make you." He says, sharp blue eyes glaring straight into yours.

"What're you gonna do? Throw me?"

Without saying a word, he put both of his hands on your biceps, squeezing lightly, before slightly picking you up and moving you to the side. He did it so easily, too. Most likely due to the serum, along with the vibranium arm. You felt the rage seeping into your body, and just before you could throw a punch, Tony called out from the door inside the garage. "Take turns, losers! Jesus Christ."

You both look at him as he says this, before looking back at each other. Shoving him out of the way, you open the truck door. He sticks up both of his middle fingers as he walks around the back of the truck. As you buckle your seatbelt, you consider just backing up the truck as he walked behind it. He wouldn't die. He probably wouldn't even fall over. It could be a total accident. A little oopsie, if you will.

Just before you could ponder the potential attempted murder, Bucky opened the passenger door, hopping into the truck. You plug your phone into the truck, putting on your favorite playlist. The one Bucky hated. It was a very personal 'fuck you' to the Super Soldier sitting next to you. He looked like he wanted to make some kind of comment, but he didn't.

Pulling out of the huge driveway, you knew one thing for sure.

This was going to be a long two weeks.

Day One

A/n: This has been in the works for a while. And while the anniversary has technically passed, I do feel like rebooting this because it’s very dear in my heart. I kept most of the text the same for this chapter with a few minor edits.

Taglist: @afraidofshrimp @laughterafter @cjand10 @kandis-mom @emmsybucky@mrsnotfeelingsogood @matchat3a @identity2212 @ilovemcuff @unaxv

note that this is the only series I’ll be doing a taglist for, but let me know in the comments if you’d like to join!

Reblog if you enjoyed!

dividers by @saradika-graphics

[achromaticegoist]

THE BOOK OF BILL TINY RANT (SPOILERS)

STOP. I CAN'T DO THIS TUMBLR. okay okay, I GOT IT DELIVERED LIKE 3 HOURS AGO AND I COMPLETELY FINISHED IT 😭😭😭🙏

I ACTUALLY CAN'T DO THIS ANYYYMOREEE. I SWEAR TO GOD I WAS GIGGLING, KICKING, SCREAMING MY HEAD OFF THE ENTIRE TIME READING THIS STUPID THING.

Did ALEX LIKE, *SCROLL* through FANDOM while making this entire thing BECAUSE WHY DID SO MANY PEOPLE LOWKEY EAT WITH THEIR OLD HEADCANONS? SUPPOSED TO BE THE DEATH OF ALL OUR HEADCANONS RIGHT??? EVERYONE PREDICTED AT LEADT SOMETHING LMFAOOOOO.

AND IF ANY OF YALL FOLLOW GRAVITY FALLS : AMBER SKIES BY JOZLYN MOON, THE POST WEIRDMAGGEDON SCAR THING BEING A PREDICTION IS FUCKING *CRAAAZY*

AND THE FACT THAT THEY KEPT COMPATING HIM TO THE DEVIL AND SHIT, LUCIFER REFERENCES AND "FALLEN ANGLE?" MY GUYYYYY the actual BALLS it takes to write this because I GASPED SO LOUDLY AT SO MUCH SHIT.

AND I WAS SUPER DAMN EXCITED ABOUT THE HENCHMANIACS ONE

GUYS THEYRE SO FUCKING STUPID 😭😭😭😭😭😭🙏 WHY ARE THEY ALL SO STUPID 😭😭😭😭 IM DYING OF LAUGHTER

SO MANY PEOPLE LOWKEY GOT SOME KIND OF BEEF WITH PYRONICA?? WHY ARE THEY SO INVOLVED WITH HER??? THEY HAVE A GROUPCHAT OH MY GOD THEYRE SO BESTIE CODED

Again I'm STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT JHESELBRAUM THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I WILL SURVIVE ON THESE CRUMBS SO DAMN MUCH

TIME BABY IS A FUCKING COCOMELON ENJOYER 😭 HELPPPPPPPPP

GGGGGUYYYYS? WHAT? OH MY GOD?? WHAT THE FUCK?? IM SCREAMIGN. NO NONONO YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME THE ANGST.

AND NO. THE WAY BILL AND FORD HERE WERE FUCKKKK THATS SOME GOOD FUCKING TOXIC BILLFORD. DUDE NAH IM LIKE GASPING FOR AIR RIGHT NOW BECAUSE HOLY SHIT SOME OF THE STUFF HERE IS SICK BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT LIKE

AND THE

IM FREAKING

AAAA

FORD DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER THOSE PAGES MADE ME TEAR UP A LITTLE 😭😭😭🙏 NOOOOO

AND THOSE *SCRAPS* OF BILL'S BACKSTORY. GUYS CHAT NO I AM SCREAMING. SILLY STRAW CHILDHOOD TRAUMA LOWKEY WENT HARD AND HIS FAMILY AND THE *FUCKING SPECK OF HIS HOME DIMENSION*.

THAT ONE LITTLE TV SCREEN WITH THE EDWIN A ABBOT FLATLAND DIAGRAM IN THE BOOK THOUGH NAH CUZ FANDOM ATE WITH THAT ONE.

AA. AAAAAAAA. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AND WHAT THE FUCK 😭🙏🙏 DIPPERS HISTORY WAS SO FUNNY I COULDNT STOP LAUGHING BRO ALSO WENT THROUGH THE GREEN MNM STAGE

AND IM NOT EVEN GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE COLLEEN BALLINGER***** APOLOGY REFERENCE THAT SHIT WAS SO DAMN FUNNY.

ALSO THE ENDING??? WHAT THE--THERAPY? NO BRCUASE THIS IS ACTUALLY SOME MESSED UP THERAPY SHIT. That is NOT how you try and heal someone holy fucking hell. Guy is getting more and more broken

CHAT I AM SOBBING AND SHAKING AND CRYING AND READY TO IMMERSE MYSELF FULLY IN THE GRAVITY FALLS FANDOM RN, STILL VERY MUCH ACTIVE IN HAZBIN HOTEL BUT GOD MOTHERFUCKIN DAMMMMMMMMNNNN THIS IS SOMETHING TO UNPACK.

[aceditwrites]

Could you do another Ben pincus x reader? Like what if everyone kind of joke around how the reader likes Ben but Ben is kind of oblivious and thinks it’s an actual joke but then reader like actually comes out and says “this is why I love you Benjamin” when he does something nerdy or blows something up and he’s like “wait what?”. Maybe they like hug or something maybe even a small smooch on the cheek?

HIIII!!! So sorry for the wait, school randomly decided i’m supposed to be academic weapon and loaded me with work. but anyways i hope this is what you were looking for 🫶🏽😻

You and Ben had gotten along since the start. He was a little nervous, you were more patient than he was used to. You got used to all his fears, memorized his small preferences, and even wore extra hand sanitizer just to make him a little happier. 

Trekking through the wild that Jurassic World had become, you kept Ben close. You even helped beckon Bumpy along the way. That took more time than you liked but it was for Ben so you made an exception. Okay fine. You made a lot of exceptions. You just cared about him. And everyone knew it. Everyone but him that is.

At first, you worried that you were being too obvious. Then you realized that Ben is even more oblivious than you thought. No matter how many times he caught you staring at him, no matter how many times you held his hand while walking, no matter what you did he seemed to assume it was all platonic. 

Maybe it was supposed to be a passive rejection?

All of this up until he fell from the monorail. You were devastated, naturally. Everyone could tell, you just seemed so deflated while he was gone. 

Though if anyone had doubt that you liked him, they were squashed when you all found him again. The other campers had never seen anyone light up the way you had when you saw him again for the first time.

You, on the other hand, felt like you had fallen in love all over again. 

For weeks, you kept an eye on him. You had no clue what you’d do if something happened to him again. 

So now, to keep an eye on him you opt to join him and getting some water from the watering hole.

“Of course, you want to go.” Brooklynn gently shoves your shoulder.

“He shouldn’t go alone.” You said, you knew damn well you had ulterior motives but you didn’t have to admit it.

“Or!! You just love him!” Sammy insisted.

“I love them too, they’re a great companion. Almost as good at Bumpy.” Ben answers for you as he wanders off.

You were going to go insane. How can he say stuff like that so casually?

“I’ll never understand how that boy can be so oblivious.” Sammy shakes her head as Ben exits their little makeshift camp.

You sighed, “Yeah, me neither.” 

You followed him and called him clever as he showed you all the places he had stashed gasoline after stocking up for the boat. As you walk toward the watering hole, you realize just how much extra gas he had hidden. He really is clever. (insert clever girl meme)

The new Ben– well is it fair to call him new? Not really. This has always been inside him somewhere, he just needed an extra push out of his cocoon. Now look at him! A beautiful- disturbed, but beautiful butterfly!

Either way, this Ben is so different. He’s loud and bold. Fearless. Probably braver than you. 

Which you admire. You’re glad to see him get over his fears. He seems much happier now and when he’s happy you’re happy. How could you not be?

You smiled as he talked about the ways he can tell where he hid things. You smiled just because he was next to you. You were so so so far gone, weren’t you? You’re so enraptured with him. So captivated that you almost didn’t hear the flapping of wings. 

You both freeze. Of course, freezing may not be the best option, but you were scared. You’re kids and in a moment where reaction was left up to fight, flight, or freeze. Given the trauma you both have from these very dinosaurs… as you freeze you think, Pterosaurs are the worst. Ben shakes it off first and drags you off to the side and into some bushes. 

Your eyes were trained on the sky.

“They didn’t even look at us.” You point out.

“Good.” Ben replies, with a shake of his head.

“But why?” You squint at the sky, then observe your surroundings. “You don’t think they’re running from something worse, do you?”

Ben listens to the sounds of nature around you, “I don’t hear anything.”

“There are hybrids on this island, is not hearing anything good enough?” You question, you’d never doubted him before, so why now?

“Which one of us survived out there alone?” Ben looked at you.

“You.” You sighed,

“Which one of us survived being dropped by a pteranodon?” Ben asked another question.

“Also you.” You replied, trying not to laugh. You knew he was enjoying the bragging.

“And which one of us defeated–” Ben begins with a grin.

“Defeated Toro. Also you! You won’t stop telling me.” Despite your worry, you smile back.

“Exactly! So, trust me. I trust you, so return the favor, will you?” He offers a hand to help you out of the bushes.

You let him pull you up, “I trust you.”

“Great! Let’s go!” Ben glances at the sky then back in front of him and continues the walk to the watering hole. 

You trust him because you love him. Or maybe the other way around. You weren’t sure as you followed him. You watched him as he walked, so confident. 

“This is why I love you, Benjamin.” You said to him, quieter than you intended but you were sure he heard you because he stopped walking. Just for a split second before continuing. 

“I love you too.” He said as he walked ahead of you. You waited for it to click. About two feet ahead of you, he stopped again. “You love me? Like…”

“I’ve only said it a million times.” You remind him, closing the distance to stand next to him.

“I didn’t know– I thought you meant–” He stumbled over his words as his cheeks turned red. Then he stopped talking.

“I love you. Romantically.” You repeat for him.

“I love you too. Romantically.” He smiled back, taking your hands.

You smiled and kissed him on the cheek, relishing the way his face only turned a darker shade of red. You hoped you’d survive this island, just so you could see that happen a million times over. 

[thousandyearphantombunker]

The Owl House Critical Post, scroll away now I don't know if I am being too harsh in this post but I wrote it anyway so if you don't wanna read something potentially upsetting this is a warning (to those who decide to read please tell me if I'm being too harsh)

I remember initially hating how the show handled its villains, they all felt like jokes, they never felt like threats or like they provided a meaningful challenges for the main cast, they never had any real depth or complexity. but i bit my tongue, I was told that I was basically a dumbass for complaining that Bump openly breaks a law that's supposed to be punishable by death so that Luz could fulfill her witchy fantasy and that he wasn't arrested. the show could've had him make the multiclass student thing be something underground- boom it lets luz live out her fantasy but doesn't ignore what was established about the setting and creates potential stakes if these underground classes ever got discovered! That already made me angry but the cult thing is what I wanted to complain about- i only had basic ass knowledge about cults and TOH fails at portraying that crap, most people in the EC can just quit and do so in a way that makes it feel like they're just quitting a job, it doesn't feel like they fear losing their friends or sense belonging and community, they don't feel like they're anything but jokes. Leaving a cult is scary, often times cults will send their followers into the real world and set them up to have bad experiences so they'll come running back, they'll hire thugs to scare them into staying or position them in away so that they suffer (sending them out without money or the skills to survive), they humiliate those who begin to ask questions so that they stay in line. guilt tripping, putting members against each other, cutting off contact with the rest of the world! The show only adds the whole 'forced to fight on a mountain' thing for flavor! Everytime it brings up actual stuff cults do it feels like it's more for flavor than actually writing this topic with sensitivity- look at how they treat Lilith! Imo It feels like the show insulting people for ever trusting belos, treating them like they're braindead and could've just realized fairly easily that he was evil. It's the most egregious with hunter who was basically fucking born into the EC. the show is also pretty black and white, which is curious for a show that gets praise for its portrayal of religious trauma. You think the show would be more grey. I did deeper research into cults and just got SO tired of people talking about how good the show was at conveying such a heavy topic. The titan reveal also doesn't help- Luz is told by an all powerful deity that she is the chosen one basically and is told that old man is evil and needs to go down- isn't that the same justification that belos uses for his actions- not saying belos should've gotten redemption or forgiveness but this feels wrong. He deserved to die don't get me wrong but using this justification feels gross. What's even worse is that the titan made Philip's life harder on purpose- ah yeah that brainwashed cult victim would totally change his mind especially if you make his life harder- yeah I would've preferred if belos was depicted in a flashback just having a bad time on the boiling isles and cherry picked those bad experiences to justify his actions. Also I hate that the show just writes belos off as greedy and glory seeking when it could've conveyed a message about how people can get absolutely get warped by religious dogma. I do wonder though if I'm being too harsh because TOH is for kids and I was told it would be hard to portray this stuff in a way kids could understand. I can come up with ways to make the breaking the law openly thing less egregious but I am struggling to think of ways the show could have handled the cult thing, I am aware that maybe I'm accidentally saying stuff that is kind of bad faith but this is my truth. I feel like TOH wasn't good at villains and it sure as hell didn't write cults well

[sharkboywrites]

Hello! May I ask for the BG3 gang with an autistic gn Tav who is. Very Very Large but also quite young (think like... Older teen.) who just decides that Astarion/Wyll/Halsin/Gale etc is their new favourite person and WILL NOT leave them alone.

It would be very funny if they just... didn't realise Tav was actually A Kid™ and thought they were just a weirdly clingy grownup. Except Halsin. Halsin would know Immediately.

Inspired by my dumb ass being enormous and this having happened to me irl many times.

Bg3 Characters With a Young Older Looking Autistic Tav

A/n: This idea is so silly I love it. This is obviously written as platonic because reader is younger and baulder's gate characters are older and I don't write weird stuff like that lol although I'm sure that's expected. Also also i did all of them together because I do not have the energy to write sperate headcannons for each of them, dont worry they all get their moment

Gn Reader, Child/teen Reader

This was an... interesting situation

Everyone on the team assumed you were just assumed you were a bit childish for an adult

I mean could you blame them? You were massive, anyone would assume you were an adult

Except for Halsin

He could easily tell your age, but it's something he kept between the two of you, mainly for safety

Halsin takes more of a dad approach if you cling to him

He's very protective of you and teaches you new skills

He also keeps anyone else on the team from hitting on you, for obvious reasons, but wouldn't say why

He's also the most attentive when it comes to your autism, he's always keeping an eye out for you and helping when he can

It took the others longer to find, though

Wyll was the second to put two and two together

Once he realized, he grilled you about why you didn't tell anyone about it

He isn't too harsh though, and takes a more "fun uncle" role

He always makes sure to entertain you, he's the guy who's got fidgets on him just for you incase you need them

He also decides not to tell anyone for your safety after consulting with Halsin, but he does wish you said something sooner

Gale is the second to last to find out, after trying to teach you something about magic

He had questioned why you didn't know any of this, it was supposed to be common knowledge for someone your age

Or someone he thought was your age

He just stared at you blankly for a good minute after you told him how old you actually were

He's more upset at himself for not noticing to be honest

He realizes how that actually makes a lot of sense

Gale, like Halsin, also takes a more fatherly approach

he teaches you things you may have not known before, and is one of the most helpful when it comes to working through your autism

He's a knowledgeable man and can tell what you need, probably before you do

He's very protective, often insisting that you stay out of battles, but it's not like you listen to him in that department

For comedy's sake, Astarion is the last to find out, and he is pissed

He's mad that no one told him, even if it wasn't too long Gale found out and most of the party knew

He looked so dumbfounded when he found out and like Gale, was more mad that he didn't realize sooner

He's upset, but he gets over it quickly after a day or two of snarky comments and like Wyll, takes on a cool uncle postion

The whole party suddenly wants to protect you and it's suddenly become one of their top goals to return you to your parent/guardian if you have one, next to y'know, getting the worms out of your head

If you don't have somewhere to go they may or may not argue on who takes you once it's all over

Generally, you're taken good care of from then on, much better than you were before

Everyone's very attentive to you and tries to be aware of what you may need at any given point

Since they all have some type of trauma, they want to make sure the same doesn't happen to you, especially so young

Being in this situation is stressful for anyone, let alone a child, and a child with a disability

They do their best to make you happy and keep you safe

They may struggle, but they do their best, and now you have people to call family

[maddy-k-reads-all-day]

Thinking about Wooly in When You Feel Bad

Okay so like... everyone noticed that Wooly was acting kind of funny in the "When You Feel Bad" Tape right? Here's some things I noticed... just note there is a LOT of detail put into this tape so I'm definitely not going to be able to notice and cover everything... I don't even think a post that long would fit in the tumblr text limit...

Anyway first thing I noticed is that right after he says, "How about an Adventure?" he looks directly at the camera. Everything about how he says this feels very scripted. But the interesting thing is... his face immediately changes to one of nervousness or unease as soon as his finishes this sentence and his eyes slowly turn in her direction, BEFORE Amanda even says anything. Almost like he knows that this is not what Amanda wants or needs right now, so it's gonna piss her off. However, it's probably what the SHOW needs, in order for the episode to continue.

Before I continue, I'd like to share a little theory. I think the narrator's story might actually be the correct scripted one the episode was meant to read. Hameln does enjoy subtle but slightly harmful messaging, and telling a friend a sad story to cheer them up might be one of them. I think Wooly was supposed to start the story and the narrator was supposed to continue it (with our help). Because otherwise, why would the narrator be there at all if Wooly was supposed to tell the story? If that's the case, why isn't our script-loving Wooly following the script?

I have two theories:

1. First off, if you answer "tragedy" or "sad" for your favorite type of story, Wooly glances at Amanda (who doesn't appear to be paying attention) and says "We don't like those kinds of stories AT ALL." But... this is lie. We know Amanda likes these stories. So that means... the one who really doesn't like them is Wooly. His reaction to horror also implies that he has some of the trademark Hameln trauma too, though he doesn't seem to show it as much as Amanda. It's kind of a weird reaction to have honestly... like, why would the mention of the word "horror" give you flashbacks of... whatever THAT was. I've had this theory for a while now that part of the reason Wooly tries to change the subject when Amanda talks about sad stuff might simply be because HE doesn't like talking/thinking about this kind of stuff. When we answer "horror" he says he wishes he hadn't asked. In comparison, whenever Amanda remembers something about her past, like when we first mentioned Sam, she seemed confused and maybe a little suspicious of us, but she never flat out has said she regrets remembering these memories, despite how unpleasant they can be. It's a weird contrast. Almost like Amanda wants to remember and Wooly wants to forget. And he really doesn't seem to like listening to the narrator's story when it's told. It's almost like he was trying to avoid it getting told at all. In this case, it was never about cheering Amanda up and Wooly was being rather selfish here. So in order to prevent the narrator's story from getting told, he tells his own.

Which could explain why it's so bland and uncreative, considering Amanda (even in this episode alone) is shown to be the creative type of the two. She's an artist. We've never seen Wooly try and be creative before, so maybe it's just not his thing?

Another interesting thing is, Amanda goes off script quite often and the show seems to bend to her will, but for Wooly it doesn't. (in both this tape and the second In Your Neighborhood tape). It's almost like Amanda seems to get rewarded for going off script (aka in getting what she wants) and Wooly gets punished for it. But it always works for which might be why Wooly is surprised when the same doesn't work for him. But he continues to try nonetheless, trying to get HIS story back on track.

He continues to tell the story wrong ON purpose. Probably hoping he can get the show to play along, the way it always does for Amanda. But it FAILS again. Wooly starts to get frustrated and eventually realizes we're the ones messing with his story. When he asks us to at least TRY and go along with his story, he sounds annoyed which we don't get often from Wooly. So anyway that's theory 1.

Theory 2 goes a bit deeper.

To preface this, I don't 100% believe in this theory I could be wrong but I just want to put the idea on the table. It started with this detail I noticed and found REALLY interesting.

When the narrator says "the knight slew the dragon, not knowing they were killing their true love" Wooly looks at his hands with this weird, wide-eyed expression, while Amanda says the knight is going to regret that.

I've always thought his reaction here was a little strange. Like it didn't make sense. But what if this line is implying something about Wooly? I do think that this story is a metaphor for something, but it isn't a word-for-word representation of what happened. It is simply a SAD STORY to cheer Amanda up. But bits and pieces of it may remind Amanda and Wooly both of events that happened in their life. Amanda might relate to being separated from someone she cares about and to being turned into a monster (in her case, the demon) without her consent. But Wooly might relate to other things. For this scene in particular maybe he hurt someone he really cared about in a way he couldn't take back and really regrets that? (like the knight killing their true love, killing someone is something that cannot be undone). Once again, I don't think it's supposed to be a one-to-one thing. This line could even be hinting at Amanda and Wooly's falling out. Amanda tells us in the final tape that Wooly did something to betray her trust. Wooly and Amanda used to be best friends. So maybe Wooly did something that really hurt Amanda, something that could not be taken back. Something that ultimately made him lose his best friend and he regrets that. In multiple scenes in this series, Wooly seems to look sad or guilty when Amanda shows anger towards him or says they aren't friends anymore. So it's very possible that this is the case. That said, another common theme with Wooly is that he doesn't seem to enjoy looking at or talking about subjects that make him uncomfortable. (When Amanda talks about death, he seems extremely uncomfortable, when they watch the cat eat the bird he says he feels like he's going to be sick and his constant changing the subject routine that happens throughout the series). So this story, that might in some way remind him of a mistake he made might be something he doesn't want to hear. He doesn't want to be reminded that he screwed up in a way he can't take back, he doesn't want to hear it.

Side note, when Wooly suggests that finishing the story might cheer her up, she doesn't object, she sits back down and looks at him (albeit still pretty upset) and waits for him to continue.

As the narrator's story continues Wooly starts to seem really angry about it. And then he starts getting really like emotionally bent out of shape. Then there's the whole, "There was a big battle, the brave knight prevailed and then-" and Wooly stops, once again having this weird look on his face. Like this got too personal.

Wooly goes on to talk about how the Knight saves the princess and they live happily ever after.

I think this could imply that at one point or another, Wooly had some sort of chance to do something to help Amanda or save her from her fate. A chance he didn't take. Maybe this didn't even happen while they were trapped, but beforehand and Amanda found out later and got reasonably upset. In any case, it does feel like Wooly may be projecting to an extent. Maybe even trying to subtly tell Amanda that he's sorry, and he doesn't like how their story went. Something that Amanda clearly didn't pick up on. This would be interesting since it's not the first time the game or it's characters have tried to tell us something subtly through a story. Amanda did it through the lonely kitten and the farm animals. I'm not 100% sure that's what is going on here, but I am acknowledging the possibility. Regardless of what Wooly was trying to do, the true ending to this is that he fails.

Going off that theory, something else that add to this is the annoyance Wooly expresses when Amanda dislikes his story. He knows this isn't the story she likes, but if he were trying to tell her something with it, it'd be pretty annoying if he felt like she was ignoring that message. As Amanda keeps criticizing Wooly's story, Wooly claims he's doing his best to cheer her up. Which is a lie. This whole "I'm going to tell my own story" is incredibly selfish and misguided on Wooly's part. Amanda clearly isn't getting the point or liking the story. Even if Wooly was trying to hide some apology in this story, it still doesn't make it okay for him to activitely ignore Amanda's feelings. Besides, even if he is trying to apologize, the apology itself probably comes off a bit mockingly? Like... "I wish our lives didn't completely suck, I wish I had done something about it when I had the chance. But I'll never actually say it to your face." Another thing- Wooly clearly seems to feel genuninely bad about whatever he did to Amanda- but he has never even TRIED to apologize to her!!!

Amanda asking "why doesn't the dragon just put her out of her misery?" I think this adds to my other theory that Amanda just wants to be out of here. She wants to bring an end to what feels like an endless nightmare.

Idk if this post makes ANY sense and like there are so many more details that I could uncover I just wanted to share these two little theories. I do actually really like the idea that Wooly might actually be trying to hint at an apology in changing the sad story to a happy one but I'm probably thinking too deeply about this. Anyway I just wanted to share my thoughts! Hope you enjoy!

Bonus:

But I thought Wooly says he doesn't like scary stuff? I mean it's just a dragon so it isn't really scary but this was kinda weird of him right?

Is this a spelling error or is it intentional and somehow important? Genuinely asking.

[sreabhadh]

Oki so Swerve x Blurr post here. (Blurve, if you will, because it's literally the worst sounding ship name I've heard and so I can't get it out of my head lol)

But so Blurr is established multiple times to have difficulty remembering names and whether he tries to remember them or not, doesn't seem to care much.

My thought is that once upon a time he tried to remember names and he still tries to passively but that due to head trauma etc making it basically impossible he has given up on it

But what about the names he really doesn't want to forget? The people he really cares about? Cause speaking as someone who can have an awful short term memory/memory in general (forgot my own age before, there's a whole story and everything lol) just because you care doesn't mean you're going to remember. Just because it's important and matters a lot to you doesn't mean you won't forget. So some fun angst potential there with that :3 Struggling, grasping, having the name on the tip of his tongue, he KNOWS he knows it, he's heard it before, he TRIED to remember he tried so hard, repeated it so many times (maybe because he noticed how hard core of a fan Swerve was and didn't want to let him down) he's SUPPOSED to be able to remember this, it shouldn't be so hard- and then it's just gone and his mind goes blank and he can't remember it for the life of him. (Potentially a reason he maybe avoids or distances himself from Swerve and others- so he can maintain the hero image and persona that inspires them without them getting close enough to see the cracks or feel personally spurned by him because he can't remember their names etc)

But Blurr. Wants to remember Swerve's name. He owes it to him. (Also I'm on the ship so I also vote he wants to remember his name because he likes him. And like, how do you ask someone out of you can't even remember their name?) Swerve is a long time hard core fan with merch from before Blurr was a pilot, even before he was a famous racer. Swerve has stuff from the early days. Blurr doesn't want to ruin that hero imagery, the hope it gives Swerve, the light it puts in his eyes, the fire/gusto/pep in his soul etc. (This can also be a justification because Blurr just likes Swerve but has never been in a long-term/serious/successful relationship before and needs justification to be thinking about the cute guy who's name he's trying to remember).

Blurr, writing Swerve's name down. Misspelled in some places, spelled correctly in others, sometimes it's the wrong name, something similar. And he can't remember which it is. And sometimes he loses the slips of paper etc he writes them on. He can't keep track of it, can't remember. Like a really important password you made, wrote down somewhere, forgot, and just can't crack.

Blurr. Losing Swerve. Blaming himself for not being fast enough, guilt compounded by the fact he can't remember his name. Blurr, finding Swerve's old stuff, torn posters, old merch shoved angrily in a tiny box. Blurr feeling like he deserves that and worse because he failed him and he wasn't the hero he was supposed to be, he was just a face and that's all he has and even that's disfigured now, just like the rest of him. Blurr visiting Swerve's grave to apologize. Visiting his grave to help him remember his name. Or wanting to, but being unable to due to being stuck in a hospital. Blurr falling asleep trying to remember/memorize his name, like trying to count sheep.

Swerve though. Swerve, after getting disillusioned from the shiny idol image he has of Blurr, even after seeing the actual hero side of Blurr and learning what he's actually like, not expecting Blurr to remember his name. Originally thinking that because "he's a selfish prick" and then that changing over time to more of "it's not his fault his mind doesn't do that" and "there's no reason for him to remember me anyway" (and I secretly hope he doesn't remember me even though I really really want him to because I don't want him to remember the awkward idiot that obsessed over him then died). Swerve coming to care for Blurr all over again but because he's seeing the real Blurr for the first time. Swerve not expecting Blurr to remember his name, Swerve deciding not to care whether or not Blurr remembers. Blurr tried saving him, and he remembers that much, that much is already more than Swerve had expected.

Swerve finding some of the scribbled up pieces of paper and wondering what those are about

Blurr, maybe once realizing he's real, alive and not a ghost, having a moment of lucidity. Calls him by name. Swerve is shooketh. Blurr maybe panics or tries to back track, thinking he said the wrong name. "No- you...got it right the first time." "I did?" "Yeah." "..." "What did I say the first time?" "Swerve." "Swerve." "Yeah." Blurr *maybe almost cries a lil bit, especially since this revelation is paired with the revelation he's not dead.*

Swerve having fanfics running in his mind and making him blush, you know, the kind of "but you can call me whatever you want" kind of flirting and then awkwardly stumbling over his words while Blurr's just glad he's alive (and doesn't hate him for some reason?) (and Blurr is also busy being flustered because not only is Swerve not dead but he's the cute one and the cute one is talking to him and doesn't seem to mind or be offended that Blurr was having trouble remembering his name (hopefully not because of low self esteem issues) AND THE CUTE ONE IS TALKING TO HIM AND HELPING HIM WALK AND- (and maybe for once he doesn't mind sometimes not being able to walk on his own 👀)

Blurr making a joke about how he'd forget his own name if he didn't write it down (via autograph) or hear he screamed (by fans) so many times

Swerve realizing the scribbled up pieces of paper were Blurr trying to remember his name

Swerve saying things and treating Blurr well in ways that make Blurr feel like a person. Loved and admired, but as a person and not a face or an image someone else holds and controls, but as an actual person with their own thoughts, struggles and emotions. Swerve still admiring him even though Blurr feels like a failure. Swerve caring for him even though he's seen him without the makeup and his public persona, seen him at his "ugliest." Swerve respecting and understanding the importance of the public persona and how much work, effort, sacrifice it is and how valuable it is, but also preferring to be with Blurr when he's "at his ugliest" and just himself. Swerve's perceptions of Blurr changing Blurr's perceptions of himself and starting to himself as more than a face, and having worth beyond what he can do for others

The confidence Swerve has in Blurr giving Blurr the confidence in himself to go in public with out the special makeup. Blurr having the confidence to speak honestly to the public (hopefully potentially with evidence that the explosions, accidents, and his injuries are because of Shockwave +/ Pharma)

Swerve saving Blurr and Blurr asking Swerve for his autograph. "Why?" "Because that's what people do when they meet their heroes, right?" (Having it written down in Swerve's handwriting will help Blurr remember it and know it's spelled correctly) *Blurr blushing* *Swerve.exe has broken* *error messages on his face plate* Swindle: *admonishing* "Blurr don't break your boyfriend you haven't even gone on a date with him yet."

*Blurr.exe and Swerve.exe both being very broken and blushing*

Swindle: "Oh for the love of- *waves wad of cash/credit card in front of them* - take this and go on a f@cking date already you too and get out of my hair you're gonna make me sick, get out, scram!"

Blurr and Swerve being awkward, lovesick, and adorable.

Swerve and Blurr date nights where nothing bad happens and I can (at least temporarily) ignore Keferon's comments of "you'll have to dig him out of the hole first" and "it sucks to be a Blurr fan because he always dies" (paraphrased)

Keferon please don't do it please don't you dare.

I will take all the pain and trauma, so long as they can be happy together in the end please I'm begging you.

(Everyone making things and contributing to the mech AU(s) are making and doing phenomenal things and I love all of them, thank you so much Keferon and everyone else involved)

[taramimeme-blog-blog]

I Need to Talk About: Lysithea

In a continuation of "I Need to Talk About: Hapi", today I will be lobbing words your way on the subject of one of my other favorites, Lysithea von Ordelia.

Like last time, this post is long, and only lightly edited, so you have been warned.

Who is Lysithea?

Along with Linhardt, Lysithea is the character in Three Houses I most strongly identify with, in ways both good and bad.

Lysithea definitely has a lot of fans, but I also think people who don't like her really don't like her. Why? She's whiny and annoying. She's constantly insisting that she's not just a kid. She's outright rude to some other characters (poor Ignatz!)

But I actually really like a lot of those aspects of her personality. They make sense, and feel very real.

Ultimately, Lysithea is a simultaneously over-confident AND self-doubting 15 year old. Who among you have not met a 15 year old who is convinced that they have totally figured out how the world works, but also doesn't know who they really are? We can see proof that the Goddess exists--and that she has a sense of humor--in the fact that human children learn confidence before they learn actual wisdom.

Lysithea's decisions to do things like hide the fact that she likes sweets or is afraid of ghosts because those are "kid things" is exactly the kind of thing a teenager would do because they think they've found "one weird trick!" to make everyone see them as an adult.

And in her defense, she has good reason to be defensive about her abilities. Human beings judge people a lot on appearance, and she's a short, little thing, so immediately, she's working against that to be taken seriously. Also she's female. And she lives in a society that has an obsession with crest babies, so even though there are plenty of examples of women doing stuff in Fódlan, like being mercenaries, or being amazing mages, or even being the I-can't-believe-it's-not-a-pope, there is also a lot of pressure on noble women to make children, which is an activity that is bound to interfere with other life goals, especially if Fódlan's medical technology is on par with their use of the printing press. (Hint: They do not have printing presses.)

And on top of all that, Lysithea doesn't even want to do do the things she's supposed to do as a noble. She's not interested in carrying on her family line (and I don't remember off-hand any mentions of her having kids in any of her paired-endings in-game). In fact, her plan is to set her affairs in order and then dissolve her house entirely. One of the Great Houses of Leicester! With a seat at the roundtable!

(We pause for technical difficulties while we take care of Lorenz fainting. Does anyone have any smelling salts or leeches?)

So this girl is kind of a radical. Even though she's also stubborn. She's open to new ideas at least as much as she's NOT open to new foods.

How does she get like this?

Well, this is Fódlan, so if you guessed trauma...why would you guess anything other than trauma? Of course it's trauma! Trauma is the free space in the middle of the Fódlan Bingo board.

The experiments on her as a child, the tragedy of losing her siblings, her parents' almost certainly unresolved guilt and sadness after the fact, and the betrayal of the other lords in Leicester and the Church not helping her family, all definitely had a big effect on her world view.

Lysithea grew up in a noble family, ensconced in the most rigid and privileged part of society, but that same society failed her and her family utterly. So is it any wonder she has no faith in THE SYSTEM?

Aside from the obvious (Edelgard) there are few nobles we see in Three Houses who are more against the system of nobility than Lysithea. She outright tells Lorenz she doesn't give a crap about Alliance politics. (Careful, someone hold him again!) And her plan is ultimately to walk away from it all.

I think it's actually kind of interesting to look at her, Edelgard, and Constance. All three of them have been screwed over by the system. Edelgard's solution is to burn it to the ground. Constance's is to try to rejoin it to gain back the power and leverage she lost. And Lysithea's is to hit da' bricks.

(Side note, which I'll cover more when I write about Constance. Although it isn't shown in-game, I suspect that she too is well aware of the rot of Fódlan's noble system. She's not dumb. She definitely doesn't idealize the system as much as it appears she does looking at her from the outside.)

I don't remember Lysithea saying much about the Church, positive or negative, in either game, but I would imagine that she and her family have bitterness towards it too. The Church is a presence on the whole continent, and they probably had at least an inkling of what was happening to Ordelia. The Church could have maybe done something. But if nothing else, the Church and nobility are so closely entwined that any anger at the noble system would certainly also exist towards the Church.

And anger strikes me as a strong driving force for Lysithea. She has a lot to be angry about. And sometimes anger is a tool people can use to paper over despair.

Lysithea could despair. She was told she only had a couple of years left to live! She could just quietly go through the motions of her noble life and then resign herself to dying maybe just a couple years after graduating from Garreg Mach. But I think she has learned to channel anger to keep herself moving forwards.

So that's also probably part of why she's so curt with everyone.

Funny enough, I sometimes wonder if Lysithea would have been much more like Lorenz had the tragedy never happened to her family. She has a stubborn, inflexible side to her. Perhaps she would have been the one meticulously following the prescribed rules of noble comportment--and berating others who don't live up to it--if she had not lost all faith in the system early on.

It's my personal head-canon that she still does follow a lot of the rules pretty faithfully, on a surface level. She seems like she would like rules and clarity. I bet she writes the most formal, stiff letters imaginable, even to her parents and friends. And she starts over on clean paper if she has to fix even one wrong punctuation mark.

Her thought process when writing a letter home:

Begin with an appropriate, seasonal greeting. Then send wishes for the good health of the receiver. After that, open with an engaging anecdote of recent events. Next, state clearly the true business of the missive...

(Goddess, she would be so bad at texting or posting online.)

But despite all of the ways in which Lysithea is perhaps difficult to get along with, she isn't fundamentally a loner. She likes people! She can even be friendly! She just needs to pencil a session into her calendar. What do you mean be friendly spontaneously? That's absurd!

And funny enough, I think I really get some of her most mean-spirited supports: the ones with Marianne and Ignatz. In both cases, I think Lysithea is displaying her empathy for the other two, although in the worst way possible.

When she looks at Ignatz, she sees his lack of confidence, and his sometimes clumsy manner, and she just knows that people are judging him for it, and discrediting him as a reliable adult. It makes her feel awful on his behalf, and that makes her lash out at him. She's angry at him because she fears that the way she looks at him is how others see her.

And with Marianne, she sees someone who is hiding something secret about herself, and who has allowed her situation to bring her to despair, and to lack even the hope of accomplishing anything. Perhaps even more than Ignatz, this bothers Lysithea because it is so easily how she could have become. When she angrily tells Marianne not to give up, and that it's important to keep trying even when things seem hopeless, she's reminding herself as much as anything.

Another thing that is interesting about Lysithea is how she is flexible in her thinking, even while being rigid in her behaviors.

Aside from the obvious example of deciding to take the radical step of disbanding her house, she also has numerous supports in-game where she admits to fault. After the fact.

So she probably has a tendency to default to certain ways of behaving, but when she actually thinks about something and analyzes it, she is very willing to allow that she may have been wrong. I think "analytical" is the single best word to describe her approach to the world. She is NOT going to act on her gut. She is NOT going to suddenly change plans on a whim. But if she has the time to think about an issue, she is going to approach it with a surprisingly unbiased mind. She is fundamentally a practical person who is more interested in accomplishing goals and getting results than she is in anything else like preserving her reputation, or not rocking the boat.

So who does she / should she get along with?

I've already mentioned Hapi in the post before this one, so I won't revisit that one here again, but let me reiterate that they would so get along with each other.

Constance

Ok, hear me out. I think this one has so much potential.

Do you like enemies to friends? Enemies to lovers? Enemies to still hate each others' guts but also are strangely turned on / intrigued by each other? Do you like two people who are so similar in so many ways that they actually grate against each other?

Oh, do I have something for you.

Lysithea and Constance have a lot in common. They both come from noble houses that suffered tragedy. Constance literally lost everything. Lysithea somehow lost even more. Like I mentioned above, while Lysithea explicitly shows her dismissive attitude towards the noble system, I am convinced that Constance also has her grievances, even if she is more circumspect about airing them.

They also are both talented mages, prodigies perhaps, but definitely, without a doubt hard workers. They both are driven by the after-effects of their families' respective tragedies to accomplish a goal.

But, by Sothis, their personalities could not be a worse match.

Constance in the shade definitely strikes Lysithea as overbearing and ostentatious. She's annoyingly loud and pushy. And in the sun, Constance's pitiful state would annoy Lysithea in the same way that she is annoyed by Ignatz and Marianne. Seeing someone look bad makes her feel bad for them, and that feeling aggravates her. "Why don't they just try harder!?" she thinks angrily, not seeing how if she didn't have her anger to drive herself, she might very well be in the same state.

Constance meanwhile, unless / until she knows about Lysithea's family and what happened, probably would easily see Lysithea as a rival--a fellow talented mage--but one who still has her noble house, and the connections and status that affords. And not only that, Lysithea is a handful of years younger!

Lysithea is a reminder of what Constance has lost, and of what she's competing against. Despite her assertions (and her starting class of "noble" in-game) Constance isn't a noble anymore. She is just a commoner, and she is starting from a position of weakness in her quest to restore her house. It wouldn't surprise me if she resented Lysithea for her privileges.

Of course, I think that if Constance ever did learn about what happened to Lysithea in the past, she would be extremely sympathetic. She would understand almost as well as anyone what Lysithea has gone through.

I imagine that, while the two of them would be able to have very interesting conversations about magic, their clashing personalities would be a source of friction. Both work hard, but Constance seems like the type to take an idea and run with it, maybe without a full plan. She would pull all-nighters. She would perform questionable experiments.

Lysithea though, would prefer a more methodical method, and would be disturbed by Constance's sometimes messy, uncoordinated ways of doing things.

If they ever had to share a lab (Do you do magical experiments in a lab?) unless they mark a line down the middle, there are going to be constant fights about Constance's mess and clutter. I guarantee her workspace is a barely-controlled disaster.

I mentioned it above as well, but I also love the parallel between Lysithea still having noble status and wanting to be rid of it, and Constance having lost it and wanting to gain it back.

I think they would always annoy each other, but they could easily become friends, or lovers, who just bicker constantly but still stick together somehow.

Linhardt

I actually don't have a lot to say about this one in a way, because my interpretation is not radically different from what we already see in-game. They are both very smart. They're both interested in magic. And neither of them seems like the type to like noise and fuss, and definitely neither of them have any interest in the trappings of nobility.

Like I said with Hapi, I don't get a lot of romantic vibes from these two, but I think that's more due to Linhardt being Linhardt. They would probably be a very loving, doting couple, even if they didn't show it a lot. And they would be very good friends, understanding each other very well without having to explain a lot.

I think the most interesting difference between them is Linhardt's more laid-back (and perhaps semi-chaotic) way of doing things, even things he is very interested in. His "laziness" (really, his insistence on doing things his way) definitely gets on Lysithea's nerves at first, but I can imagine she would drop it over time once she sees that he gets results, eventually. I would imagine that his workspace is also chaos, like Constance, although somehow a more subdued chaos that is easier for Lysithea to ignore. I guarantee you that he is one of those people whose filing system is piles-of-stuff-everywhere-and-he-has-memorized-where-things-are. You'll never find anything in the mess yourself, but if you ask him, he can get it for you in less than a minute.

Like Hapi, I think Lysithea could learn a lot from Linhardt about taking a break once in a while, and doing something because it seems neat, not because it leads to a goal. She's probably never going to enjoy fishing (it's icky, and she doesn't even like eating fish for the most part) but I bet if Linhardt ever took up bird watching or something, she would be all over that. She'd be the one with the identification book and the log of what they'd seen and when, and he'd be the one with empty hands. (Ok, maybe she didn't learn to do something for the fun of it with no goal in mind after all.)

Leonie

*Heart rate rises. Begins sweating profusely.*

Oh my god. When Lysithea told Leonie that she would make a perfect husband... *Licks lips. Blinks. Breaths heavily*

Ok, the absolute hotness of their potential romantic relationship aside. I think they have a really neat dynamic. These are two people from very different backgrounds. Leonie is one of the poorest commoners, with the least social capital in all of Garreg Mach, and Lysithea comes from not just a noble family, but one of the big ones in Leicester. Leonie is interested in physical training and becoming a mercenary, and Lysithea is interested in magic and book-learning.

But both of them are super focused on their goals, and really hard workers. And both of them got these goals because of a major experience in childhood.

For Leonie, it was a chance meeting with someone from the outside world, Jeralt, who was traveling the world and helping people out; being a hero! Leonie saw an opportunity for something different in her life!

For Lysithea, it's of course a lot more negative. She was put in a bad situation, and has decided she needs to make what lemonade she can with the lemons life has thrown at her.

(Side note, I think it's very cool how supportive Leonie's parents, and even her whole village are of her dreams. They could have told her to be a "good girl" and just stay put and get married, but instead they banded together to get her the money she needed to pursue her dream. What a fucking good extended family! Can we all raise a glass / clap our hands for Leonie's awesome support network?)

Actually, maybe that's not a side note. Lysithea also has a very supportive family. She went to Garreg Mach at a very young age compared to most, and her parents were willing to trust her to take care of herself despite her youth and ill health. So both Leonie and Lysithea deeply care about family due to the support they are receiving from their respective families.

The two of them are also very blunt. I think they would make excellent critics of each others' techniques. (Lysithea literally does this in her supports with Leonie in Three Houses.) And they would listen to each other, because they both know the other one is serious, and giving valid, constructive criticism based on what they see. Neither of them is an expert in the other's field of expertise, but that could lead to them valuing the criticism all the more. Maybe a mage, who is covered by front-line fighters, has a different perspective seeing what the front-liners are doing from behind. Maybe someone on the front-lines knows what they need from the mages backing them up that they aren't getting currently.

If they had a romantic relationship, Leonie would absolutely fucking spoil Lysithea. Lysithea would complain about being treated like a weak child, but would love it nonetheless. "Oh, fine. I guess I'll let you carry all my heavy books, if it makes you happy! It's probably good training for you anyway. I could carry them myself, but fine, if you insist!"

Oh, but I would feel sorry for anyone who worked for them in any sort of accounting role. Between Leonie's rightfully-learned penny-pinching, and Lysithea's attention to detail and surely thorough record keeping, the smallest mistake in finances would be noticed immediately.

Actually, what am I saying? They do their taxes themselves. They're not paying someone to do that shit!

I think in a lot of ways, Lysithea potentially has more respect for Leonie than anyone else. Lysithea is very focused on the idea that hard work is the key, and she has little patience for people who glide by on privilege. Leonie is like the living example of that.

Claude

So one of my key impressions of Claude is that he is the most locked-the-fuck-in people when it comes to observing what drives other people. I think he is very, very person-focused, given his need to adjust to a leadership role in a place he didn't grow up, and the political situation of Leicester, where he can't easily order people around.

This means he is the world's most annoying person when he finds a weak point he can tease, because he will find the single most infuriating one. Oh, and he likes teasing.

So he drives Lysithea bonkers. She's too serious to deal with his crap, but she also isn't good enough at the kind of rapport needed to ever get back at him. She thinks of stuff to say back to him 3 days later.

But Claude is also very practical, and he is constantly looking for who is talented that can help him, and who is talented that is a threat to him. So he fundamentally respects Lysithea, and that's why they can learn to get along. None of this, that I'm saying, is radical; this is basically their Three Houses support chain.

But one of the things I'm most obsessed with in their relationship is what happens when Lysithea dissolves her house. For Claude, who is looking to balance power among the competing powerful houses so that he can come out on top, this would be a major factor to deal with.

If Ordelia ceases to exist, who takes their place at the roundtable? That could be a huge source of friction. Who gets their lands? Gloucester is nearby. Do they? They're already powerful, so that might be bad for Claude.

I think this could be something that Lysithea would hold over Claude's head, finally getting back at him after all those years of "Ooh! Ghosts!" What she does with her house, and its land and other privileges could have major effects on what political power Claude has to work with later.

Of course, they could also get married. And as much as Lysithea professes to hate politics, there's no way she could ignore the fascinating puzzle that is how to make people shut up and do what you want. She's advising Claude, even as she complains about how it interferes with her actual interests in magic research, She can't help it. These two are a scary, scary power couple.

But I think they would also make nice, casual friends who meet up once in a while for tea. That's cool too.

Hilda

I mentioned Hilda being a sleeper agent of chaos forces in my Hapi post, but I think she could play that role with Lysithea too. On the surface, they have very different interests, but I think Hilda's natural charm, and her perceptiveness of other people would allow her to get along with Lysithea surprisingly easily. One of my major interpretations of Hilda is that--as much as she is perceived as lazy, and tries to get out of manual labor--I think she does major fucking emotional labor in the background that she never gets credit for--and maybe she herself doesn't even realize how much she's doing.

I'm convinced that she is one of the characters who is most observant of other people in the cast. And you just know that--once the war starts--she is giving Claude regular reports on how everyone is doing, and how morale is, etc. And it's not because Claude is bad at observing people himself, he just respects expertise when he sees it.

So Hilda would "magically" (it's not magic, she's doing the work) get along with Lysithea. And Lysithea would genuinely identify with Hilda's low tolerance for formal bullshit, and her desire for freedom. In fact, Hilda would give her some important lessons in freedom. I mentioned in my Hapi post that I think Hapi and Hilda as students would play dumb pranks. And let me tell you, Lysithea is getting dragged into these. She knows she shouldn't. She thinks it's all stupid, but somehow the energy is infectious.

And she's going to enjoy herself despite herself.

Annette

I have nothing new to add here I'm sure. But they are so adorable together! Their combined nerd energy has the power to destroy solar systems, but they are smart enough that they will harness it to power all the lights in Fódlan that have still not been invented yet because the Church won't allow for electricity to be invented.

But it's fine, they'll invent the lights too.

I personally think that Annette would annoy Lysithea at first though. She's a little too chaotic for Lysithea's tastes. I share in the, "yeah she could use a Ritalin or three", interpretation that I've seen many other people make for Annette, and I can imagine that her conversations would tend to bounce around, and her nervous energy would be distracting for someone who thrives on calmness like Lysithea does.

Oh, and I imagine that she hums and / or taps her foot without realizing it when she's concentrating. She likes music too much not to. But it's another thing that would drive Lysithea up the wall.

Annette on the other hand would be immediately smitten with Lysithea. Another girl! Small like her! Also really smart and interested in magic! And Annette would bring up each and everyone of these similarities in a friendly effort to get to know Lysithea, and each and every one of them would annoy Lysithea.

"What does it matter if I'm a girl too? How is that relevant? Ugh, why do you need to bring attention to my height? I'm not 'smart', I work hard!"

(Aside from Lysithea, you know who else would get along well with Annette? Constance. No doubt. Though they would probably also mistakenly destroy the world. )

And poor Annette! She's had a surprisingly shit hand dealt to her in her life. Her father leaving is the most obvious one, but let me dwell on that one a bit.

In game, he is described as having left suddenly, just disappearing after Dimitri's father was killed. While the actual dialogue in-game implies that Annette thought that she could meet him again some day if she could find him, I have a different interpretation.

Given Faerghus's strong military culture, and tradition of loyalty, I think it's not hard to imagine that it's the kind of society where, if a knight suddenly disappears after their lord has been killed, it's safe to assume that they have followed their lord into the next world to cleanse their shame.

Ugh

So my personal (very upsetting) interpretation of Annette is that she didn't really even know if her father was still alive after disappearing. She held out hope-- a hope which part of her thought was false hope--and tried to go to Garreg Mach to see if she could find him again, but deep down she suspected that he was long gone from this world.

(I also imagine that Leicester doesn't have a tradition like this, and neither does Adrestia for that matter. Leicester is much more driven by practical matters of power and wealth, and Adrestia, while also steeped in tradition, is less overtly militaristic. In Adrestia, you can make an impression by performing a flawless tea ceremony.)

I also kind of imagine that Annette had a small pool of potential female friends in her class. This also is 100% head-canon, but I have this image of the Blue Lions class every year being overwhelmingly male, with girls generally only being sent if they are the only heirs in their families, like Ingrid and Annette. To all the Blue Lions fans out there, it might feel like I'm kinda dumping on Faerghus at this point, but I think there is a strong correlation between societies being very militaristic, and being very anti-female.

So getting back to Annette, I can imagine her being extra excited to meet Lysithea because she already has limited options for female friends in her own class.

Of course, I can't touch on Annette and Lysithea without mentioning that they would be excellent more-than-friends. Once they got to know each other, and Lysithea learned to accept Annette's humming (maybe she even comes to think it's adorable) and Annette learns that she must, in fact, leave Lysithea's tea cup in the exact same place every time she washes it, no not over there, here, it goes here, then I think they would be amazing with each other. It's like Lyisthea and Linhardt, but with more passion. Or Lysithea and Constance, but less toxic-you-are-so-annoying-shut-up-and-kiss-me. (Is less toxic good or bad? You decide!)

Petra

I decided to write this in an effort to purposefully stay away from too many obvious ones. I did Lysithea - Linhardt. I did Lysithea - Annette. I could say things about Lysithea - Edelgard, but what can I add that hasn't been said by others already, really?

So instead, let's think about Lysithea and Petra.

Double-you-tee-eff, you say? What could these two possibly have in connection? What?

Have you considered: Screwed by the empire? (Well, it wasn't actually the empire in Lysithea's case.)

Have you considered: Hard worker?

Have you considered: Lysithea would fucking love being able to teach Petra language stuff, and all about Fódlan's traditions that Petra is unfamiliar with?

It's like with Hapi (see my previous post) or Cyril (see GAME). Lysithea likes being able to be the expert. She genuinely enjoys imparting knowledge upon others.

And she has mad respect for a fellow hard worker.

Like, come on! How would these two not get along!?

Petra would absolutely take advantage of Lysithea's endless enthusiasm to help her out with whatever she doesn't understand about Fódlan. And I don't mean "take advantage" in a bad way. Lysithea would relish the chance to do this. This would be the honey on her toast. The sugar in her tea. The...molasses in her...um...what is molasses for?

And much like with Leonie, Petra has much to offer Lysithea.

*Begins sweating again*

Um, her...uh...physical prowess...it uh...

Oh goddess...

Sorry. Petra is good at many things that Lysithea is not. Like using weapons, hunting, walking up stairs without panting, reaching things on high shelves, etc.

And more importantly, Petra is proud.

Despite everything that has happened to her, she knows that Brigid and its culture is just fine and dandy. Brigid isn't inferior to Fódlan, despite what some ignorant Fódlanese nobles might say.

Lysithea is driven by anger, Petra is driven by pride.

That confidence is absolute, goddamn chocolate-covered crack for our little Lysithea.

Remember Ignatz and Marianne (the poor dears)? Lysithea lashes out at them because she feels their lack of confidence / depression viscerally, and it makes her uncomfortable and angry.

But Petra? No, Petra exudes confidence. She has had so much goddamn shit thrown her way:

Dead father? Check. (Well, it is Fire Emblem.)

Taken as hostage? Check.

Country forced to submit to weird, pale-ass barbarians? Check.

Made fun of by said pale-ass barbarians just because you don't speak their dumb language perfectly and don't know all their dumb pale-ass customs? Oh, big fucking check! 40-point font, even!

Even so, this is Petra: My people are having pride! So much pride! We are being like a rainbow of many colors of pride!

Lysithea wants this confidence. She needs it!

In Petra, she sees someone like herself, who has been beaten down by circumstances, but who has not given up. Whatever trials Lysithea has faced, Petra has faced something similar too.

I feel bad for whichever lord "wins" at the end of FE3H if Petra and Lysithea get married. Lysithea is powering up her lawyer skills--like lawyer Goku preparing a Spirit Suit--and finding the loopholes in every treaty ever signed between ANY entity in Fódlan and Brigid.

"Oh, you thought that Brigid had to send tribute every third year? Um, actually, according to this treaty signed by your neighboring fiefdom, to which you are subject, it is YOU who will be sending tribute. Oh, and it's not every third year. It's EVERY year. I expect to see those ships in Brigid's harbor soon, or you'll be hearing again from me."

So yeah, that was a lot of words to say that I see a lot of potential in a relationship between Lysithea and Petra, even if the sun's rays in Brigid would probably melt Lysithea in two seconds flat. She'll just become a hat woman.

Conclusion: Sure, why not?

This could be better edited, and I could add so much more, but I'll stop here. Lysithea would not approve of this messy imperfection, but I do need to give some other characters a chance as well. And there will be more. The Fódlan demons in my brain have not been satiated. Not yet.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

TW: CSA

Hello great sex witch! I experienced sexual abuse for many years, starting when I was really young and lasting well into high school. As I'm unpacking that it feels like so much of my understanding around sex and sexuality came from my abusers (and from the people in my life who blamed me instead of them), and as I'm sorting through all that stuff and filing it away where it's *actually* supposed to go I'm realizing that there's... Not much left. The things I thought were attraction or arousal were actually alarm bells, that sort of thing.

Sex just feels so toxic to me, even though I know it can be a healthy expression of love (or even just fun). I'm okay with being aroace if that's just who I am, but it bothers me to think I'm this way because the opportunity for healthy sexual development was *taken* from me.

How can I explore what healthy sexuality means to me without putting myself in danger? Dating or hooking up with people feels scary and has been... just not so great, and I don't want to put myself out there like that just to check if I'm even into it. Porn feels icky for obvious reasons, but it also kind of feels like those are my only options? Then there's the dysphoria about my parts, so the thought of just "poking around and seeing what feels good" is also... Kind of ick.

Idk, this ask feels so long and silly, but I genuinely don't know where to start and I feel stuck. It's cool if there's no good or easy answer, I just hate feeling like I'm missing something obvious that everyone else just intuitively understands.

I guess TLDR is "how do I explore sexuality in a healthy, safe, trauma sensitive way?"

hi anon,

this is what we call "beyond the scope of what a stranger on the internet can responsibly help you navigate via a tumblr ask." I know that's probably disappointing, and I hate to have to turn you down after you were so vulnerable in sharing your experience and worries, but I think it's really important to be honest and upfront about what my limitations are here.

this sounds like something best addressed with a mental health professional who can get to know you personally and help develop a long-term plan to work through this over time. a sex therapist, specialized in issues of sexuality and intimacy, might be the best fit, but ultimately it's your call how you'd like to proceed.

[stanshika]

i said this a while back in a reply somewhere but baberoe is so i will by mitski coded

i will and baberoe analysis if you click read more

"i will take good care of you, i will take good care of you. everything you feel is good if you would only let you. i will wash your hair at night and dry it off with care. i will see your body bare and still i will live here." just baberoe in general, that's literally just them. like their devotion to each other, like the fact that they still want each other at their worst. like i can talk about the pure fucking commitment they have for each other all day.

"so stay with me, hold my hand. there's no need to be brave." like come on guys that is literally the plot of bastogne. it goes both ways for babe and gene, they're both highkey breaking down and the other pulls them back from it. babe with julian and gene with literally everything that was happening. and of course "hold my hand", there's actually a lot more hand scenes than i thought when i was making the edit but yeah they hold hands and touch a lot to comfort each other.

"and all the quiet nights you bear, seal them up with care. no one needs to know they're there, for i will hold them for you." guys come on, all the fucking looks because they understand each other. babe knows that he pulled gene back from the brink and gene holds babe's trauma close to him to help babe. they're so ughhhhh. i love them.

"cause all i ever wanted is here, all i ever wanted. all i want is always you, it's always you." erm they're in love and want each other. that's it.

"and we're not out of the tunnel i bet you, though, there's an end." they're in a war !!! they're not out of the tunnel (war) but they will be and they'll live their lives out in louisiana (or wherever you see them settling).

"and while you sleep, i'll be scared. so by the time you wake, i'll be brave." guys literally the scene where gene lets babe rant about julian's death and how he was supposed to bring his stuff back. and then gene is highkey like scared and the whole talk with spina after babe goes to sleep and literally everything that's happening in bastogne like oh my god. like he's brave for babe there even tho he's also falling apart.

sorry guys, couldn't stop thinking about it. hope you enjoyed.

[eriexplosion]

The thing is that the finale isn't even good outside of lack of addressing Tech. It just is bad all around. It's a bad episode that doesn't follow any of the established set up for season 3.

We started the CX subplot in season 2, and then spent 3 long episodes with CX-2 in particular. This apparently was... just to set up a big boss fight in the finale and for nothing else? We spent four whole episodes across two seasons on this and had several other set up moments! For a big shootout and nothing else?

And yes, the CX-2 is Tech implications is a big part of this. Some of them even remained in the episode. How else are we supposed to take Hemlock's line "The last time we crossed paths, you had just lost a member of your squad. And it appears history may repeat itself. CT-9904 resisted my conditioning in the past, but I've made alterations to my methods. If you all survive, you will make fine operatives." other than that he used those 'alterations' to successfully CX Tech? Literally thought that was what it was setting up before *waves hand*

The Zillo beast was used to rip open a hole in the wall so that the Hunter, Wrecker, and Crosshair can get inside. It served no other purpose and walked away.

We spent two full episodes on the m-count plot between Bad Territory and The Harbinger. This accomplishes nothing in the entire rest of the season.

We spent all season dealing with Crosshair's hand tremors, establishing they are a psychological response to trauma. So should we... emotionally deal with that trauma? NOPE. WE'RE CUTTING IT OFF. DONE.

A small thread was set up that no one is beyond redemption/help, we see Rex reaching out to a CX, we see Omega remind Crosshair that Ventress deserves the chance to change, and in the finale... NO ONE is given a chance to change other than Emerie, who already did last episode. Every CX and commando is shot down without remorse even though they're also victims of Hemlock.

In general we just have action interspersed with the scraps of what was probably a united plot at one point. There isn't even a cavalry arrives moment in The Cavalry Has Arrived. What happened here?

The thing is I can see two subplots that would have united ALL of these that almost feel like they've been scraped out and replaced with generic shooting and a generic and undefined 'and then they had a happy ending'

First there's the force sensitivity plot. This was actually set up as early as season one episode one, when Omega takes the shot at Crosshair and manages to stop him from shooting, and then elaborated on throughout when she connects easily with animals, leading up to Bad Territory and The Harbinger - where we see Ventress tame a large, angry creature through the force. So much is made of the beast taming angle.

And obviously we have a beast. The Zillo beast. Omega does not at any point interact with this giant creature to calm it down or do anything at all she just lets it loose to rip some stuff up, have some action sequences, and then walk away into the night. But these two things united would have brought all the moments of force sensitivity hints home, as well as tied in her biggest strength - her empathy and caring. Taming the zillo beast would have been the end result of her character arc and made all that set up go somewhere instead of trailing off vaguely.

And second we have the CX plot. This could have tied in the remaining dropped threads of making the CX set up matter at all, the CX-2 is Tech hinting throughout the season, Crosshair's hand tremors, and the thread of redemption and no one being beyond saving. CX-2 is Tech, reach out to him, bring him back and through that Crosshair addresses his trauma by starting to fix one of the consequences of his biggest mistake - going back to the Empire in the first place. It wouldn't fix his tremors entirely but would help reduce them, be a huge step on the path to recovery and a great note to end his arc on.

With these two subplots, instead of endless excuses for more action and grunting, everything gets pulled together for a finale that has actual emotional significance, and the thing is that all the pieces are there so what the hell happened to make absolutely none of them come together and instead it just turns into an action shoot out?