#though I got tired by the end
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Remember: The burning sensation is part of the process.
#Mouthwashing#blood#body horror#Emphasizing here that this is in reference to a media and character and not a cry for help on my end.#Mouthwashing is one of those games that tickles my brain and checks all the boxes for my niche interests -#-but it wasn't something that got the silly comic part in my cortex firing up. My analysis brain is eating well though!#What said...It is impossible for me to see this scene and not say out loud: āMe in the middle of my work day".#While there is a lot more going on with curly I personally resonated a lot with his struggles with burnout.#Burnout feels like mouthwash to me. That you keep rinsing out your mouth trying to get rid of the rotting smell#but it's just surface level solutions. The real cure requires something far more significant to actually make a difference.#The job 'is hard' and 'everyone struggles'. It's part of the process right? You're tired? Anxious? Depressed? Us too! Chin up!#Actually I resonated with a lot of things within Curly (this is a curly positive space - he's not perfect. He's just human).#One thing being his desire to see the good in people and believe in their potential.#Because here's the thing. Some people truly do just need someone in their corner who stands by them so they can grow and improve.#And some people will take advantage of your kindness. You focus so much on their humanity while you stop being a person to them.#The horrifically toxic relationship persists because Curly tries to see the bigger picture and believes in the good within.#Anyone who has lived through constantly trying to reframe the hurt as something else knows-#-just how many excuses your brain will make to avoid cognitive dissonance. It's human psychology.#Jimmy sucks so bad. But we the audience have the privilege of not having years of baggage associating him in our minds as 'friend'.
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Sword PHIGHTING! period cramps moodboard
Gods mightiest warriorā¦ā¦.
Og image:
ANYWAYS EXTRA BITS!!!! So. Yeah. I wasted exactly 27 hours and 29 minutes of my life making this over a period of like. ~a week and a half LMAO????? I THINK IT WAS LONGER?? Yeah all of these are completely redrawn from the Og āpanelsā, replicating the dungeon meshi style is. MISERABLE I donāt know why I did this to myself holy fucking shit, all of you blame @squiffer-salad for this monstrosity sheās the reason why this exists in the first place /silly
anyways, I highly recommend looking at the panels individually because I put a lot of fun extra bits in them and just. A LOT of effort in general, any likes, reblogās, or comments are insanely appreciated since this did take such a long time :āDDD, everything in these minus the backgrounds are completely redrawn/shaded/and colored by hand, this includes mid/screen tones as I used specific layers for those! anyways thank you for coming to my period cramp projection ted-talk Iām going back into my Everglade hole.
#JESUS FICKING CHRIST#WHEN I SAY#27+ HOURS#DUDEā¦ā¦.#FOR A SHIT POSTā¦.. THIS IS INSANEā¦ā¦ WHY DID I DO TJIS TO MYSELF#ANYWAYS now that Iām free from this fucking BEAST of a project Iām going to be working on a lot more comms/personal bits since I have much#More free time on my hands!#School is still kicking my ass but at least Iāve been doing well :3#Scored a 10/10 on a AP world test today! Probably gonna end up failing my math unit exam but oh well wouldnāt be the first /silly#Anyways for some smaller extra comments#I honestly donāt really know how I managed to commit to this if Iām gonna be real#This honestly was more of a test of endurance if anything and I think it came out really well especially since Iām not used#To spending THIS much time on a single piece#It taught me a lot too#Specifically more about midtone layers and different types of line art and such#Anyways yeah I am. So horrendously tired#More art soon though! I got stuff in the oven for reals!!!#art#phighting!#phighting#phighting fanart#digital art#phighting roblox#artists on tumblr#phighting art#roblox phighting#roblox#roblox art#roblox fanart#roblox game
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GET NISCHA'D
@rtc-secret-santa-event gift for @kittieshauntedourfantasy!! so so so sorry for giving it late :( hope you like it still
i was Going Through It the past few weeks but we nischa through the pain
this is like.. the most experimental i've gotten with colors omg i struggled so much but i like how it turned out in the end :3
#rtcsecretsanta2023#ride the cyclone#nischa#noel gruber#mischa bachinski#rtc#cw bright colors#i think? better safe than sorry#earlier this month was a whole Week of just extracurriculars it was fun but tiring#and then i got sick right at the end of it oughf#i am okay now though! again we nischa through the pain#i Might be the very last to submit....mybad#ā
zack's art#I FORGOR MY ART TAG WHSHSHHSSH
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I don't think I ever published these so ig.....
There's a last one but err warning for gore and blood(mostly just ripping an arm off)
#I'm not okay#got so sad I started imagining angst scenarios with myself instead of some characters??#and also ended up writing a short thing of killer dying...#and drew a page of suffering with eyes filling up the empty space...#and cried for 2 nights straight which is a lot compared to how it took me 6 years to start crying again#anyways simply. I just want to cry again-#anyways idk how but I got some determination so there might actually be something of this one comic#even though I want to work on other things.. I'm just too tired(sad) for that#sans au#utmv#undertale au#kross ship#criller#kist#killer sans#dust sans#cross sans#horror sans#dust x killer#killer x dust#cross x killer#killer x cross#sanscest#UwU#cw blood#cw gore
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Tempted to write a replaced au twst fic where Yuu (or alternatively, I'll use my Yuu, Riyuu, who is basically who I'm writing this for) used to be the cutest girl around, the cheery one who's always around everyone, the one you can't seem to dislike even if your crush falls for her because she earnestly says sorry (even though it's not her fault) and will always help you out if you need her back in her old school. But one day, a new girl comes around and her whole reputation got destroyed. She helps the new girl adjust, tells her all the rumours and introduces her to all the popular kids. But the girl ends up backstabbing her, telling the popular girls rumours about how she intentionally plays up the act to steal their crushes to her, and lies to the boys, telling them she's just playing with their hearts and that she's a horrible person.
Yuu ends up alone and excluded, being seen as "annoying" and only having a few close friends who doesn't really interact with her in public in fear of their reputation being ruined. She ends up miserable at school, and wishes to not go anymore. But one day comes a saving grace, she gets whisked by a mysterious black carriage into Twisted Wonderland, or more specifically, Night Raven College. She doesn't mind working if it meant she doesn't have to deal with her old school, there was still 1 and a half years left of school and she doesn't want to deal with all ghe group projects to be assigned that will inevitably end with everyone not wanting to team up with her. Plus, as annoying Grim is, he's like the animal friend all of the anime and storybook protagonists she knows has, and she doesn't mind him too much.
Some things did change after she and Grim got officially enrolled, but she had no problem adapting to the social expectations of the world, part time jobs with Sam -- and occasionally the canteen -- paid enough to get her tools for cooking basic but delicious food, and new friends without the weight of her past helped her get settled comfortably.
The existence of Overblots stunned her for a bit, but a peek into Riddle and Leona's memories helped her understand the concept, even if just a little. However, things began to change eerily simlarly to her old school when a new girl comes, also in a similar position to her, getting transported to a new, unfamilliar world, and seemingly hailing from a similar world to the Earth she knows. She warmly welcomes her, eager to finally befriend another girl, but it seems that the girl does not share the same enthusiasm.
The girl only barely responds to Yuu's attempts at forming a friendship, and always seems to talk her in a condescending way, and often dismisses her, and especially so whenever there are any boys around.
Yuu will not deny any statements claiming she's an attention seeker or that she plays up her sweet innocent girl act, but she knows to never, ever sacrifice a bystander for it. But if someone insists on war with her... well that's another, different story. She's learnt her lesson of being overly optimistic, and she will not make the same mistake twice. She will not let her make her life a living hell more than it already is with Crowley's irresponsibleness.
Aaand thus begins the story. Or well, however you wanna continue it. I'm honestly in favour of most Housewardens (Kalim, Vil, and Idia in particular. I'll put my reasoning in a few paragraphs down) Adeuce, Tweels, and Ortho for team Yuu. Why?
Well, first of all, Adeuce. This is mostly because the duo is like. with Yuu since Day 1, as much of a bitch as Ace is, I think those two are the most likely to trust and know Yuu well enough to not believe the lies R (< Replacer) tells. Especially Deuce, he doesn't want to betray a friend he knew for quite a while, that would not be very honor student-like of him!! And she helped him out in a lot of situations too! He doesn't want to hurt you after all the trouble you go through to help him, and also knowing how horrible your living conditions are. Ace would most likely give in to peer pressure if the student body is overwhelmingly in favour of R, but as of now, he maybe enjoys your company just a bit more than R. Just a bit, promise.
Tweels I feel like is self-explanatory. Those two are perceptive as fuck istg it scares me. Jade especially. I feel like the two would just toy with R for a bit despite her facade and lies before dropping her after she bothers them for attention and favours one too many times.
(Ortho ties in with Idia so I'll explain him in Idia's paragraph)
Kalim is actually very emotionally intelligent. He can come off annoying and stupid, but from all the scenes I see of him, he's actually really good at dealing with people. Have you seen how he deals with the Scarabia residents after Jamil's OB??? The way he phrases his sentences?? He didn't force or even plead with them to forgive Jamil, he simply asks them to wait before making permanent judgements, and I think he's gonna be uncomfy with how condescendingly R talks to Yuu, and even if he's used to people going after him for money, I feel like R mostly eyeing him for money and how she "secretly" sighs in annoyance everytime she goes out of the party for a "bathroom break" will only solidify his dislike/discomfort, even if he doesn't show it.
Vil is also kind of self-explanatory if you read into his character and not just the shell the official English localization makes for him. (I could rant for hours about how the official tl portrays his character istg. He's hardworking and he actually didn't attempt to poison Neige out of pure jealousy, he did it because he felt like all his efforts to be beautiful will never be able to surpass Neige, who, in his eyes, always seemed to be innocent and naturally beautiful. He feels like the villain in Neige's story. He feels like he is reduced to what he often plays as, a snobbish, overconfident villain obsessed with overthrowing the hero. And because of it, it became a twisted self-fulfilling prophecy, pushing him to, in a fit of despair, be that same villain everyone sees him as.) I really don't think he will take well to R's condescension to Yuu, who genuinely wants to befriend R. (I actually have a whole thing in my head where Yuu and Vil occasionally have sleepovers where they do skincare together after the whole VDC thing happened. I feel like this is also a "vent sesh" of sorts for the both of them, just to air out their grievances without much seriousness, and I think Yuu would admit to wanting a fellow girl in the school that she could befriend, since no matter what, being the only girl can be exhausting.) Ik Vil's not a girl but he is such a girls' girl istg.
Idia... this mostly ties into Ortho and The STYX Incident, but like,, I think we can all agree on this one,, Idia is smart and capital V Very pessimistic. Would you rather trust the girl you've known for a while, who saw your memories, who helped you in awkward social situations when she can and is besties with your brother or some random new girl who trash talks said girl behind her back? The former, right? Plus, even if Yuu did only hang out with him and his brother because she likes to secretly laugh at him behind his back, there's mo guarantee R wouldn't do the same, given his experience. And he would rather have someone who actively helps him and his brother out than someone who wouldn't.
I didn't put Malleus in because of how canon him actually treats Yuu. I feel like the fandom kind of put on rose-tinted glasses on with his character, and kind of ignored some things like, idk... him just leaving them to fend for themselves homeless during Octavinelle... maybe he thought Crowley would offer them a place to stay but like... I'm still bothered by how didn't atleast offer a spare room in Diasomnia. He's a housewarden goddamnit. He's not as distant or scary as the rumours say but like. still rubbed me the wrong way.
Anyways I don't think my attention span will let me write it to completion so if anyone likes this and wants to write it feel free. Pls tag me if you do tho. I would love to read it :3
#was listening to all eyes on me while writing this btw#You can also insert an Obey Me crossover with Replaced AU on that end that also ended horribly#āFirst' the worst; maybe third's the charm!ā#I don't play Obey Me though so I can't rlly construct the narrative for that one#Also I don't hate Malleus nor Malleyuu I swear#I just think we're a bit biased with his actions sometimes...#Anyways if anyone wants to just ditch the school for RSA#Valid. You're 100% valid#I just got attached to Adeuce Kalim and Vil lol#I would just run to RSA if I ever get the chance tho#Fuck Crowley noone likes Crowley šš#twisted wonderland#twst#Do I tag twst x reader???#fuck it why not it's literally based on an entire angst au anyways#twst x reader#twisted wonderland x reader#replaced au#twst replaced au#twisted wonderland replaced au#okay enough tags I'm tired#I'm not gonna tag the specific characters mentioned#I'm too tired and I don't wanna :3#Also R is used for Replacer for this entire thing sorry#I haven't played twst for a long; looooong while but I like some of the boys too much to let go [sigh]#Also just bc it's fun to think about#Waiting for Limbus or HSR to get updated so take some twst brainrot in the meantime#I love Villainess manhwas#Ofc I would love Replaced AUs
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Hey! iām really into the dbch story and i was wondering if doc and xisuma ever tell bdubs the specifics of why etho lost his memories, cause if they do that is prime self blaming angst for bdubs
Iām inclined to believe they donāt. Actually (and maybe I should do a small comic for this so more people see it) I imagine, once a month or a few pass and they finally return etho to bdubs as reset, I imagine they are VERY serious about warning bdubs not to try to force Etho to re-deviateā they donāt go into specifics, but they probably tell bdubs that whatever happened had to do with something that was emotionally overwhelming, and that forcing him to redeviate/not letting it happen naturally could trigger the same error. They have no idea what could happen so bdubs needs to be very careful and let Etho find himself again on his own.
Whether or not bdubs gets impatient or can only go so long before he doubts it would be that bad if he tried pushing Etho in the right direction is another story.
But yeah. I donāt think Xisuma or Doc reallyā¦ tell anyone that this happened. Ethoās error seemed like a very specific one-off scenario, so itās not something the other hermits should be trying to avoid or be careful about happening to their own android friends, and the only thing telling people would do is make them worried about the situation. All they need to know is that etho was broken and that they need to be careful with him. I donāt agree with their decision to keep what happened to themselves but I understand it I think. Xisuma āi donāt want to worry the hermitsā Void and Docm āeh this isnāt the first time Iāve replaced this arm, people wonāt question itā 77
#thatās a lie actually I think xisuma ends up telling Cleo :>#but only because Cleo is very smart and I think they should be close in this au :]#but no she would clock Tired Overworked Existential Crisis Xisuma in an instant#Cleo calls them both idiots and gives them big hugs and tells them they need therapy. also that theyāre welcome by her place anytime to talk#itās very sweet and healing to me#this is where āall things endāā on Xisumaās playlist comes in actually#oh my god I got so off topic#BDUBS IS GOING TO FEEL GUILTY NO MATTER WHAT THOUGH#like okay. technically#the reason etho shut down is because he was freaking out that everything was his fault#(last lifeānot giving bdubs a heartā trying to win for bdubs and then losingā coming back to s8 feeling like he canāt face bdubsā>#ending up leaving him alone when the moon hit#and bdubs was hurt by these things. no doubt#but bdubs just wants his friend back and maybe heās a little reckless about it#bdubs hides his emotions behind cartoonish frustration and complaining but he feels bad#he feels like he should be doing more to āsaveā etho and bring him back even though he was to#told* he shouldnāt#dbhc ask#dbhc#dbhc bdubs#dbhc etho#dbhc doc#dbhc xisuma#ask#anon
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two meals
#beyond evil#fanart#somehow i manage to miss every anniversary ć
ć
#originally i wanted to do a series with every jwds food date! i'll finish the rest eventually ;;;#also hi ;;; im posting again hopefully - had a hectic end of 2022 traveling and just got back last month#but not drawing for months has really given me (even more) anxiety#i'm very happy to be here though! i'm just a shy lurker usually but this show and fandom have comforted me thru many a tiring day ~~
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I will never get over them
@blackholeca Breaking my tumblr silence with fictional character birthday art as god intended
#kabbage's art tag#pied piper#pied piper fanart#tsukauchi reo#midoriya izuku#bnha#art#I wanted to clean this up more but then I got tired#I ended up liking the messiness though#sleepy Izuku my beloved#(o)Reo my darling#our boys
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Hey.
Kim teaching Harry how to skateboard and Harry teaching Kim how to roller skate.
Harry thinks he fucking sucks at first because Kim gets the hang of roller skating pretty quickly. As it turns out, skateboarding is a lot harder than roller skating.
I donāt know where Iām going with this. Um. Kim still prefers skateboarding because of the technical aspect and risk factor but heās surprised he enjoys how chill roller skating is.
Harry enjoys skateboarding because a) time with Kim as a teacher and b) oh wow a challenge? Your physical instrument loves challenges. You will conquer this with the force of yourāwhat do you mean this is more the centipedeās thing? Holy shit no wonder Kimās so cool
#disco elysium#harry du bois#kim kitsuragi#anyway I got a cheap Walmart skateboard yesterday and Iām a little bit taken in right now#practiced just getting on the board and pushing forward for like 30 minutes and ended up sweating#confused at first before I rememberedā¦#you know how you get super fucking tired after a long day of travel in the car or on the train and stuff#itās because your body is always making micro adjustments to keep you in place#and skateboarding? itās all about body control baby#skateboarding is hard man#be cool to have a custom made Dolores dei skateboard though imo
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I thought my "struggling to get anything done until its very very late at night, and only for a few hours, after a full day of fatigue and laziness" behavior was a recent thing, in the wake of graduating and being unemployed and out of schooling, but its been at the very least 5 years because I made a comic about this when i was still IN college.
#talkys#like i thought the issue was no structure or routine in my life anymore#but even in college when id have 8 am class the next day id still struggle#though i also thought/think that was just senioritis. and it never went away even after graduation.#bc i rly tanked hard at the end there. like i got to a point where i didnt care anymore id do stuff like study for a huge exam 15 minutes#before walking into it and just hoped i retained enough from the 5 mins of memorization#this is distressing for me to realize LOL i rly thot it was the lack of routine....but its just Been Like This.....#every day loafing then crawling to my desk really late and still being unable to draw#then finally getting a burst of energy an hour before needing to sleepā promising myself ill get started earlier tomorrow#and then not doing that bc i just feel so tired all day again. mooooooo
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Flowey has become my on-theme spacefiller and heās so happy about it (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Flowey#Lol#He's a perfect spacefiller! He's tiny so he can fit anywhere but his text can also be as big or small as needed#He ends up reacting to nearby doodles in inappropriate ways which is fitting lol#Like the UGHHH one was in reaction to babybones lol āŖ They're so cute! And he is tired#Mostly he's just being silly and grumpy normal-style tho haha#He is also a great expression of my frustration with hell boxes ughhh (lol)#It's nice though since lately I've been less bothered with leaving some extra space on the page :)#He can still pop up! But just as an invitation not as a necessity#It's nicer to have a fully filled page of course haha but it's not so bad to have a little extra space here and there#And mostly to not have Worry about it to not be stressed about Having to fill a page#Still - having a little extra with a funny face hehe that I got toss into the mix and make my brain happy - it's nice! :D#Options āŖ
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devil marbly carbly ft me trying to figure out how to draw all of them in real time
(the dubstep weed jacking off shirt is from a meme i would source if i uh. remembered it sorry </3)
#there's a lot of little gags i'd recommend zooming in#also it's so weird how the first two dantes look Nothing like the rest of these pages. call it a warmup ig#also nero fuck you.mp4 i spent like 40 minutes trying to figure out how to draw dmc5 nero#my dmc4 nero didn't look That much like him but i was drowning with dmc5 nero trust me#anyway i had to draw some more dante on the last page bc even though he got a whole page most of it was like. bleh#for the sake of figuring out how to draw him not bleh. so i needed to draw him not bleh. :p#dmc#devil may cry#dante sparda#nero sparda#vergil sparda#eva sparda#nico dmc#lady dmc#trish dmc#v dmc#dmc5#dmc4#dmc3#pls excuse the shit lighting i am. figjting for my very life against directional lighting okay#this contains a lot of the little thoughts i had about dmcs 3-5 that i never posted about so. enjoy <3#skrunkart#a little nero x kyrie. as a treat#does kyrie have much going on as a character? no. do i think they're cute anyway? yes#i took the most liberties w trish and im pretty sure it's bc i was tired more than anything#these adhere pretty strongly to their game designs. in time i'll add details that make em mine#but this is a study (hence all the notes)#also this ended off a sketchbook ive spent like 1.5 yrs on (which is unprecedentedly long for me like it's Crazy it took that long)#so hoorayy
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i think people on twitter have a fighting fetish because otherwise what explains this nonsense
it's genuinely unbelievable at this point i swear they're inventing new things to argue about
#and the discourse about getting multiple m&gs is so tired#cause the answer is there just is no correct answer and you will argue anout it until you drop dead if you're looking for one#personally i stuck to one m&g for my own sanity lmao i value not getting yelled at over meeting dnp mutiple times#it IS selfish to get a whole bunch of them but that's not... evil? like being selfish is a morally neutral thing imo lol#cause you got those tickets fair and square and to say you don't ''deserve'' to meet them several times is dumb as fuck#it does mean less tickets for others who haven't gotten to meet them at all though and you also can't really be mad people are upset by it#because obviously they are going to be#but again you have every right to go to idk 30 m&gs if so be#am i making sense#like. no side is more in the right than the other here#the stupid part is arguing about it for days on end#cause once you're done arguing nothing will have changed#answered
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irt the lrb what would you say if i said liam & noel spent new years 2023 together in paris
what would you say if i said liam bought the house in france (the one with noel's name carved into the walls) in march 2023 and that month noel talked about wanting to spend several months in paris
which could mean nothing
#just making guesses chatting shit talking bollocks you know how it is#if anyone can debunk that first thing pls tell me!#feel like i'm wearing a tinfoil hat and it doesn't vibe with my outfits if y'know what i mean#feel like i should do a timeline but every time i try it gets out of hand#ok have some very messy puzzle piecing:#liam & noel texting/calling from time to time since jan 2020#noel splits w sara spring 2022 starts spending more time in manchester#maybe march mothers day something happened?? possibly liam & noel met up in april??? that's pure speculation though#pretty boy released oct 31 2022 noel stops wearing wedding ring#noel spends christmas in england for the first time in ages#liam listens to the smiths all christmas eve. on christmas he has a party for close friends and family (including bod)#liam and debbie go to france for the new year to house hunt#liam claims on twitter (no one believes him) that noel is with him on new years day#(((he posts a selfie that i uhhh got very tinhatty about.. don't worry about it)))#noel goes to a football game on jan 5 and he is in a very good mood#divorce news jan 14. liam's divorce playlist jan 15. allegedly out drinking together jan 16. noel does promo for new single jan 17#jan 18th liam claims on twitter noel wants to meet up#peggy's 80th birthday end of jan#liam's hip surgery beginning of feb#feb 6th he claims noel's ācoming over later to wipe my arse and change the bedding he's a good lad reallyā#starts slagging noel off for real again in early march (he'd been āniceā since november's pretty boy promo)#news that he bought a house in france#noel does a bunch of promo at the end of march (when the 3rd single came out) some of which didnt air until june when the album came out#there's one interview where he seems very tired and hungover and he blabs about paris for ages#end of march is the 1st time he tells liam to call him. 2 months later he asks (goads) liam again a bunch of times#anyway i probably forgot some liam tweets from jan/feb and i really haven't looked into 2022 or 2021 yet#but yeah it's pretty clear they were hanging out šļøšļø jan 2023 and then things soured by march after liam's surgery#(((kinda wonder if noel ghosted him and then was too scared to call))) āwondering that bc it's exactly what i would've done :/#the christmas eve/day stuff probably means nothing btw but well i'm feeling insane about the new years stuff don't even worry about it
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now Iām off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because theyāre insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they donāt let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didnāt have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so ā¦ ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but Iām in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, Iām going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isnāt the first time theyāve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. Iām genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because Iām so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because youāre telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, yāall share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then donāt fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because youāre just constantly making shit worse on people since you canāt seem to not fuck around with these meds and not āloseā scripts. fuck out of here.
and Iām pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and Iād still have to walk my ass to one of the ATMās nearby because they donāt accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. š«
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while Iām laying on my fucking side, Iāve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon theyāll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, Iām nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and Iām moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
Iām just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just ā¦ not exist ā¦ for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now š« š
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldnāt cost me $250 ā¦ā¦.. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ā¦ā¦..#but I donāt have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it š« #nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know Iām being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and Iām fucking over it.#plus Iām the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed Iāve got her#all because she couldnāt afford it so I said Iād cover it and she never paid me back. Iāve bought her at least a grandās worth of weed#just over the last couple months and sheās never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ā¦ā¦ā¦ I donāt expect it. I give if I have it. but you canāt even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another āfriendā because they donāt even OFFER to be considerate#of course Iād say not to worry about it but it doesnāt even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but canāt reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because sheās always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you canāt play that you donāt have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that Iām buying every once in a fucking while when Iām already paying for everything fucking else#Iām so angry and I know Iām being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when youāre tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and arenāt so bitter when youāre let down š« š« š« #because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and Iām just.#I actually fucking give up. I donāt even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just canāt fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when Iām off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control itās going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I wonāt feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and thatās fucking bullshit. Iām going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since itāll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. Iām self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because itāll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I canāt control my mind like this. Iām so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and Iāve only been off them for two days
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MĆ¼n Malia (& Cresca Trees)
The existence of the forest in which the plant can be found is a somewhat baffling one, as Hoshimi Island is a small, grassy piece of land off the northern cape of Crescent Minoria. A brightly glowing forest surely would not have gone previously unnoticed in past expeditions, as, under the influence of its home continent, the island rarely receives enough sunlight to out-compete its glowing flora. So how could such an obvious forest have gone unnoticed before? Several hypotheses have been put forth as research on the subject has gone underway. Could the forest have phantom properties, sort of like Hanabana Bima Island? Or perhaps the forest is at a point lower than the grasslands, making it harder to spot. Researchers at the Queen's Palace hypothesized that perhaps the team on-site must have somehow stumbled into an underground forest. So far, the thesis with the most traction is that the forest may actually be a pocket dimension. However, the door to this pocket dimension has yet to be determined.
Within Hoshimi Island lies a previously undiscovered forest where the MĆ¼n Malia can be found, surrounded by trees with glowing crescents as leaves. While MĆ¼n Malias grow in the grasslands with the other Hoshimi Island plants as well, reports about those in the grasslands differ greatly from the ones found in the forest, which have a much more metallic sheen and taste, though their hollow cores remain the same. These differences have led to some dispute as to the identity of the two MĆ¼n Malia types, and to differentiate, the forest version is sometimes called MĆ¼n Malia Metalica after it's difference in texture, and the grassland version is called MĆ¼n Malia Luminlara after its glowing larheads. Others have considered if the initial name for the forest version should not be changed to further differentiate the two, proposing Metalica Malia as the name for it. Others have proposed putting the qualifying names first instead of last, i.e. Metalica MĆ¼n Malia and Luminlara MĆ¼n Malia respectively.
#art#artists on tumblr#drawing#JI#JI pocket dimensions#Hoshimi Island#Floratober#Floratober 2024#MĆ¼nlar#day 28#I'm baaack#tired but back~#surprised how fast I picked something today#the wonders of being too tired to fuss XD#a few days ago it was like pulling teeth to get myself to pick something#so this is an improvement XD#was actually really tempted to re-review my options again though after picking this#but then I got frustrated waiting for pureref to load with my big collection of sketches in it#so I gave up and just decided to settle on this one#ended up doing a lot of editing in post but#I think it was worth it?#even if it's quite different from the trad now XD
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