#and also ended up writing a short thing of killer dying...

[sunnymainecoonx]

I don't think I ever published these so ig.....

There's a last one but err warning for gore and blood(mostly just ripping an arm off)

[goatcheesecak3]

I hate you too Pt.1

Adam Faulkner-Stanheight x afab!reader

Minors dni

Warnings: nsfw, alcohol use

Fic type: enemies to lovers, smut, a dash of fluff at the very end, also Scott Tibbs cameo teehee

Summary: you and Adam have been rivals for years, but after begrudgingly letting him crash at your apartment, things take an unexpected turn.

A/n: this is my first time writing a smut in YEARS so I'm a little rusty. This is just a short one, but I how you enjoy it! I've maybe got an idea for a part two of this, so let me know if you want it!

"Are you fucking kidding me? You didn't tell me he was gonna be here" you huffed to your friend, Mark.

"Was I meant to?" He asked, looking at you as if you were insane.

"Yes! I wouldn't have come if I knew he was gonna be here"

You were at some sleazy dive bar, you and a group of friends had decided you all needed to get outside and have some fun- well, you, your friends and him.

"Him" was Adam, a twenty seven year old photographer with a mean attitude. He was as much of a part of the group as you were, his friends were your friends and they all got along. However, for some reason the pair of you never clicked. You thought he was hot-headed and rude, while he thought you were vapid and snarky.

"Come on, just play nice for tonight, alright?" Mark pleaded with you, "he's been having a rough time lately. You know it's coming up on one year now..."

Almost a year ago, Adam had had a pretty terrible ordeal. He'd been kidnapped by a serial killer and chained up somewhere. He was missing for about a week before he was found, shackled, bloody and nearly dead. You hated his guts, but even you found yourself worrying for him. You recalled back to when you and your friends had visited him in the hospital...

...

"I didn't know any of you guys could bake, who made these? They're better than an orgasm" Adam groaned, munching away on a third cookie.

"That was your best friend" Mark had teased, while your other friend, Scott let out a snigger.

"You made me cookies?" Adam raised an eyebrow at you "have you tampered with these in any way?"

"No, I haven't tampered with them you dumbass. Besides, you're literally going in for your fourth one right now, would it really matter if I had at this point?" You rolled your eyes.

Mark and Scott giggled to themselves, they loved watching the two of you argue.

"So if you're not trying to poison me, then why did you...?"

"Look, this doesn't mean we're friends or anything, okay. I just... I guess getting kidnapped probably sucked" you looked away, not wanting to continue taking and accidentally say something too nice.

...

Adam came over to the booth where you, Scott and Mark had been sat, sipping on beers.

"I think that's my cue to go for a cigarette" you said, rising from your seat.

"You gotta cut down on those man, they'll kill you someday" Scott tutted, half joking.

"Don't threaten me with a good time" you called as you dissappeared into the outdoor smoking area.

It was peaceful out there, no one else but you. You huddled yourself under a grimy looking awning and struggled to light your cigarette with your shitty, dying lighter.

"You shouldn't joke about that shit" an all too familiar voice broke the silence.

You spun around, slightly startled, to see Adam stood there.

"Don't follow me, you creep" you scoffed, unable to hide the disgust in your face, even if you wanted to.

"I'm serious, don't joke about wanting to die in public. You don't know who's listening"

He was referring to jigsaw, of course. His whole "cherish your life" thing made jokes like that grounds for kidnap and torture. Adam had a good point.

"Just looking out for you" he said, his unwelcoming expression unchanging.

You glared at him, your frustration building as you struggled to light your cigarette.

"Just use this" he tossed his own lighter to you.

"Thanks".

When you had finished lighting yours, Adam lit up one for himself. The two of you smoked in silence, avoiding eye contact and shuffling your feet awkwardly.

...

Your walk home was a strange one, to say the least. Your mind felt cloudy, so you decided to take the long way home. You'd drank just enough alcohol to reach a weird stare of clarity, where your mind was alert enough for you to think coherently, but uninhibited so that you could think about things your sober mind had tried to avoid. Your dream of consciousness ran wild, leading you to all sorts of conclusions.

"Why am I still single? The guys in this city are ugly, that's why. No, that's mean. They're not ugly, just boring yuppie types. I'm friends with the three good looking guys in the city but you couldn't pay me to date them. Oh, admitting that Adam is your friend? Admitting that he's good looking are we now? Okay well maybe he's not my friend, but it's been well established that he's a good looking guy. Hate to admit it, but if his mouth never opened I'd probably find him hot.

Your train of thought took all sorts of twists and turns, but it kept seeming to take you back to thoughts of Adam. You put it down to being drunk and stupid, reminding yourself that you despised Adam, you couldn't stand to see his face, you couldn't stand his whiney, high pitched voice. Ugh. It was so irritating you could practically hear it- no, you could hear it, like really, actually hear it.

"What the fuck? Why didn't my landlord tell me he was doing this tonight?"

Adam was pacing back and forth on the sidewalk, next to his apartment building, which had been draped in a yellow and black striped tent. As he paced, he whacked his mobile phone with his hand a few times, muttering things like "shit" and "Come on, stupid thing".

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened here. Adam's apartment building had been fumigated, and with no working phone, he was pretty much stranded for the night. You couldn't help but laugh.

Adam's eyes shot towards you, his expression a mixture of hatred and relief. You were the last person he wanted to see him struggle, but at least he knew you'd begrudgingly help him out.

"Jesus y/n, you scared the shit outta me. Did you follow me or something?"

You shook your head.

"I was out for a walk, this little shitshow" you pointed toward him "was just a happy coincidence."

Adam bit the insides of his cheeks. He wanted to be rude to you, he wanted so bad to wipe that smug grin off your face, but he knew he couldn't, not while he needed something from you.

"Can I borrow your phone? I need to call scott" his voice had no inflection whatsoever.

"Negative. Out of juice"

"Ah jesus, fuck.." Adam held his head and began to pace. He looked less annoyed and more concerned now.

"Fuck!" He yelled through gritted teeth, throwing his nokia onto the floor. In an anticlimactic bounce, it landed by your feet.

"Jeez, if it's that serious you can just charge this thing at my place" you sighed, picking up his phone and noting that you had the same one.

Adam looked at you as though you were lying to him.

"Come ON, before I change my mind" you ordered, finally feeling the cold of the night, and wanting to be inside quickly.

Adam followed, and the two of you walked in silence.

...

There was something palpable in the air of your tiny apartment that night, like a storm brewing. It intensified by the second, and when Adam threw himself onto your sofa as if he owned the place it only became stronger. You marched to your bedroom to grab your charger, quietly seething. Everything he did pissed you off. The way he so arrogantly shoved your decorative cushions aside so he could sit, the way he looked at your posters, your furniture. Judging, silently judging. You tossed him the charger, and sat in an armchair. The sofa had plenty of room for you to sit too, but the thought of being in such close proximity to him filled you with a white hot burning rage.

Some time passed, neither of you had spoken, instead opting to chainsmoke. Part of you was hoping the thick cloud of smoke would obscure your view of him. The silence sat heavily above you, until Adam's voice broke through it.

"Scott's not picking up."

"Have you tried Mar-"

"Obviously I've tried Mark"

Both your sentences were short, snappy. Being alone together was uncomfortable and awkward as all hell, if just one of you could swallow your pride and break the ice it would have been bearable at least, but you were both stubborn as mules.

Adam let out a sigh.

"Look, this isn't ideal for either of us but.." You took a deep breath, "you can stay here if you're really outta options"

Adam responded to this, in what you assumed was his language for gratitude. He liberated a small bottle of whiskey from the inside pocket of hig ratty jacket and plopped it down on the coffee table.

"If this is as much of a nightmare for you as it is for me, then I think we could both use some of this" he said.

"Hey look, finally something we can agree on" you almost laughed, standing up to head to the kitchen and grab two tumblers.

The two of you drank generous amounts, you had put a record on quietly just to add some sort of ambience, because the silence had begun to feel quite oppressive.

"You know, there's probably more than just that" Adam finally said, startling you a little.

"Huh?"

"I mean, there's probably more we agree on than just the fact that tonight is a nightmare"

"Dude, that conversation was like 20 minutes ago, are you slow or something?" You scoffed.

Adam rolled his eyes

"I mean, shit y/n, I love this album. All your posters, the stacks of dvds, we pretty much have the same apartment. Maybe yours is a bit more flouncy than mine.."

"And also yours is filled with bugs judging by that fumigation tent" you quipped, unable to resist the urge to get a jab in.

Adam paused, and gave you a look. It wasn't one you knew how to describe.

"What I'm saying is, we've got a lot in common. I seriously don't get why you have such a problem with me"

You were absolutely dumbfounded. That jerk! He was acting like you were the one with a problem? You sat there with your mouth agape for a second or two, before snapping at him.

"You're the one that started this feud! Always giving me dirty looks, poking fun at the way I dress, which by the way, is ridiculous because we dress exactly the same!" You blurted out, almost raising your voice.

Unexpectedly Adam began to laugh. He threw his head back and cackled like a hyena.

"Have you lost your damn mind?" You asked, a slight tone of seriousness to your voice.

"No, no, no... I- I get out now" Adam struggled to get out between laughs, "I get why we hate eachother so much"

Your curiosity got the better of you

"Why...?"

"Okay so, there's always been something between us, we thought it was animosity, right?" His face became plastered with a devilish grin

"It's not that, it's not that at all. It's sexual tension"

"That's disgusting! You're sick in the head!" You cried out, insulted at the very notion.

"Come on, y/n, we both know it. You wanna hit this sooooo bad" he smirked, his smug, awful grin sending waves of anger throughout your body.

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard" you retorted, doing your best to ignore what felt like excitement bubbling in your chest... and other parts of your body.

"Aw, are you too much of a good girl to admit it?" He teased.

You tried to fight it, but it was absolutely no use. Those two words just did something to you. Your body, not wanting to comply with your better judgement, gave away your feelings. You blushed, and Adam saw it.

He let out a low chuckle. He was infuriating, you felt this innate, primal urge deep inside you, like you wanted to pounce on him. But to do what? Punch him? Kiss him? You'd find out in the moment.

"Get up" you ordered, rising to your feet

"Woah, are you gonna try and fight me out something?" Adam laughed, only half concerned.

"I don't know yet" you said flatly, eyes trained on Adam as he stood to face you.

Before you could make a decision, your body reacted for you. Your arms threw themselves around his shoulders, one hand running itself through his surprisingly soft hair, the other resting on the back of his neck, pulling him toward you.

Your lips immediately met his, as you kissed him hungrily. With even more fervor, Adam kissed back, his tongue slipping into your mouth. One of his hands found itself on your waist, the other was groping your ass.

Your mind was racing a hundred miles a minute, this was the stupidest thing you'd ever done, but you'd never felt more alive. It was dangerous, a little wrong even, but so right at the same time.

You pulled away for a second, only to breathlessly utter the word "bedroom".

Adam nodded, before resuming kissing you. Your bodies remained firmly pressed together as you stumbled down the hall and into your bedroom. The two of you removed your jackets and tshirts, tossing them god knows where. You honestly couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when your bodies became horizontal, it was such a blur, but somehow you ended up laying on the bed, Adam on top of you.

He had begun to kiss all over your neck, the sensation of his hot breath making your stomach flip. You let out a few moans as his hands explored your torso, feeling every inch of you. You couldn't see his face, but you knew he had that same shit eating grin as always.

You could feel how hard Adam was through his jeans, he grinded against you and you felt your hips involuntarily buck forwards, wanting more friction. Adam noticed this straight away.

"Someone's impatient" he chuckled, his voice smug as ever

"Shut up" you just about managed to get out between gasps.

"Let's pay a little more attention to your top half first, you can be a good girl and wait a little longer" he whispered as his hands found the clasp of your bra and made hasty work of it.

There was that nickname again, the one that made wetness pool in your panties, the one that made your nails dig into Adam's back as you pulled him closer.

Adam's soft lips gently brushed over your nipples, his tongue dancing across your flesh. He was surprisingly gentle, his delicate touches were just light enough to drive you wild, you desperately needed more.

"Adam..." You whined, hoping he would stop teasing you.

"God, y/n, you're such a greedy little thing, aren't you?" He grinned, "so desperate to be fucked"

He loved seeing you like this, having you right in the palm of his hand. Well aware that Adam was enjoying watching you squirm, a myriad of insults flew through your mind, and you would have called him every single one of them if you didn't want him inside you so badly.

Thankfully, Adam stopped waiting around, and removed your jeans and underwear all in one swift motion. He'd never admit it, but he was getting rather impatient too. His hands on your legs, holding them apart, he stopped for a second to admire your pussy. You were visibly dripping, and knowing that it was he who had done that to you gave Adam a real ego boost. That arrogant son of a bitch.

"So wet for me, y/n" he murmured, eyes glued to your womanhood, as his hands rubbed along the insides of your thighs, getting juuuust close enough to your pussy to make you hyper aware that nothing was touching it- and you needed that touch urgently.

"Stop talking and just fuck me, Stanheight!" You yelled, hoping your voice would sound demanding and assertive, but instead sounding desperate and weak.

"Hmmm" he hummed, as though he were deeply considering what you had just said.

Suddenly you finally felt some sort of touch between your thighs. Two of Adam's fingers ran along your slit, smearing your juices across your entrance, and up to your clit.

The gasp you let out as you threw your head back was partly in pleasure, partly in relief. When his fingers rubbed gently across your clit, your hips rolled, trying to press against his fingers for more friction, but as soon as his fingers were there, they were gone again.

Looking up to see why Adam had stopped, the sight that met you was both unexpected, and an absolute delight. It was Adam, his eyes shut and his beautiful, sharp features accentuated by the low light of your lamp. He was licking your fluids off his fingers.

You felt a brand new wetness begin to spill out of you at this, as you uttered a breathy "fuck, that's hot".

He winked cockily, as he admired the state you were in. Fully Nude, and spread open to show him how wet you were. Hard little nipples and a dazed, blushing face. He found your soft lips and open mouth particularly attractive. He would have loved to shove his cock deep in there until the Mascara ran from your eyes, he thought you'd look quite pretty all tear stained and used. But that was something he would wait for next time, it was too intense for a first time together, and quite frankly, at this point he was getting just as desperate to fuck as you were.

"You got any condoms?" He asked, standing up to unzip his jeans and yank them down with his boxers

"Top drawer" you pointed to your dresser, and sat up on your elbows to get a good look at Adam's naked body. His torso was pale and slim, at the bottom of his tummy a small trail of hairs was dusted across his flesh, leading down to some recently trimmed black hairs. His dick was a wonderful sight, a decent length and a girth that looked like it would stretch you delightfully. He had a pretty pink tip, which was glistening with precum. You made a mental note that at some point you would love to give him a real slow, sloppy blow job.

Adam positioned himself over you, and lined his cock up to your entrance, rubbing his tip up and down your folds.

"I'll be gentle to start off" he whispered, almost tenderly, as he planted a soft kiss at your jawline.

You nodded, signaling that you were ready for him to enter you.

He started off with just that pretty pink tip of his, carefully pushing it into your hole. He let out a low hum, while a gasp escaped your lips.

"More" you whined

"God, you're hot" Adam remarked, a low chuckle escaping his lips.

He eased himself in further, his girth slowly stretching you.

"Shit you're so tight" he muttered, more to himself than to you. "It doesn't hurt, does it?" Adam looked at you, there was a glint of something a little too intimate for hate-fucking in his eyes.

"No, it feels good" you nodded, feeling yourself adjust to his size.

Adam gently pushed the rest of himself inside you, until he was all the way in. After waiting for a few seconds, he began to thrust. He maintained a steady, fast pace. His face buried in your neck breathing you in, your bodies pressed tightly together.

"Oh god Adam" you cried out, loving every second of it. All that rage from earlier had transformed into an insatiable need to feel him all over you. Your hands roamed up and down his back, running through his hair and gripping onto his body, holding him close as your legs wrapped around him, letting him in deeper.

Adam lifted his head from the crook of your neck and abruptly stopped thrusting. He was looking down at you now, that cocky grin plastered over his face.

"Thought you were meant to hate me, hm?" He said.

"Who said I didn't" you uttered, breathlessly.

"Well if that's the case, then maybe I should stop"

Oh he was good.

"Don't you even think about it" you said urgently.

Adam's face could only be described as mischievous, as he pulled himself up and slowly began pulling his dick out of you. You let out a small whimper at the loss of the feeling of him filling you up.

"I wanna know how badly you want it" he smirked, absent mindedly rubbing his hand along your thigh.

He knew just how to drive you wild, his soft touches and playful teasing made your core feel like it was on fire.

"C'mon Adam, quit fucking around" you whined.

He shook his head

"Beg."

That bastard.

Never in your life would you ever have imagined needing something from Adam Stanheight so badly that you would be willing to beg for it, let alone this, but now it was actually happening, you were seriously considering it.

He rubbed his tip up and down your folds, teasing your entrance and making it nearly impossible to resist. You couldn't fight it, you needed him. You had to swallow your pride and do what he wanted.

With redness painting your cheeks, and all your pride out of the window, you uttered a small "please"

"Please what?" Adam smiled slyly.

"Please fuck me" You said, a little louder now.

"Throw my name in there and I'll consider it"

This was humiliating, this went against everything you stood for, there was no wa-

"Please Adam, please please fuck me"

"Well since you asked so nicely"

There was no build up before Adam plunged himself deep into you, and this time he went harder than before. The obscene sounds of slapping skin and moans filled the air. He held your legs open as he took in what he considered to be the most wonderful sight; your tits bouncing with each thrust, your hands clutching into the bedsheets, your mouth wide open to let out moans of his name. God how he loved the way you said his name.

"Fuck, y/n, why'd we wait so long to do this, huh?" He panted through thrusts

You wanted to respond with something sarcastic, but with Adam repeatedly hitting your sweet spot, there was no way you could form a sentence, or ever remember what words were for that matter. As you started to see stars, finally two words managed to make their way to the forefront of your mind, and you screamed them.

"I'm cumming, I'm cumming!"

"Shit... fuck, me too" Adam groaned, burying his cock deep inside you, before grinding his hips and releasing.

...

When Adam returned from cleaning himself up in the bathroom, he wore nothing but his boxers.

"I uhh.. I got you a glass of water" he said awkwardly, placing the drink on the bedside table.

"Thanks" you said shyly.

You weren't exactly sure what the protocol was for the aftermath of sleeping with your arch nemesis, were you supposed to go back to fighting? Were you meant to cuddle? You figured a good place to start was a cigarette. You fished around in your nightstand and pulled out a packet of smokes and a lighter. The ashtray was already resting on top.

"Want one?" You offered casually.

"You keep cigarettes in your bedside table?" Adam asked, raising an eyebrow. He took one from you and sat next to you on the bed.

"You're just jealous you didn't think of it first" you teased, affectionately this time.

Adam took a long drag before he spoke.

"So..."

"So..."

"You wanna cuddle or...?" He avoided eye contact, feeling foolish for even asking.

"Or what? Or do I still hate you?" You smiled

"Yeah, or do you still hate me?" He laughed.

You snuggled up to him and planted a small kiss on his cheek.

"I think you're the worst" you joked, resting your head on his shoulder and draping your arm across his chest.

"Hate you too, babe" he chuckled, kissing the top of your head.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Reader dying in front of them (crp edition 2/3)

I think I might do this prompt with a few other fandoms I write for but I can't promise which ones I'll do 💔

Characters: laughing jack, eyeless jack, nina the killer

Notes: reader was gn, non specific and specific scenarios depending on the character, short post, no happy endings, accidental murders on their parts

CWs: wounds and death, eyeless jack eats you during one of his blind frenzies, mentions of decomposition

LAUGHING JACK

the odds of him accidentally hurting you are not zero. as are the odds of him accidentally breaking your body. not only is he large, but hes also strong. and he tends to forget how fragile humans can be in the worst of times... so when hes playing around with you and you suddenly let out a broken gasp during it... he doesnt immediately stop- after all you both play rough all the time so why would this be any different...?

he thinks youre pulling his leg when you cant get up or when you wince and whine in pain when he tries to pull you to your feet. amusement turns into concern, and concern turns into fear and dread... and then to anger- anger at... you... himself... everything. youre dying and youre going to leave him behind- alone again

he... as morbid as it is he keeps your body even as it rots and decays

EYELESS JACK

its a blood bath. by the time he comes to your body is already broken- by his own hand (and jaw) no less- he had tried to get you to go off somewhere until he had satisfied his hunger but one thing turned into another... and before either of you knew it his mind blanked out and...

hes not sure if you being just barely alive when he comes to would be better or worse. hes not sure he would be able to see the terror and pain in your eyes when you still had life mingling with it. and god... there is so much guilt, that hes going to carry with him for the rest of his life

he feels he should have tried harder to deter you from pursuing him- denied you when you made your advances to enter his life and become his companion- and lover- he feels... he... never forgives himself and completely isolates himself going forward. one cannot get attached if they dont let it happen. hes learned his lesson

NINA THE KILLER

its so bold of you to assume shes not going to immediately tear down and destroy whoever roughed you up in the first place. shes not going to stop until theyre dead--- though.. this... leaves you to watch her fight while your body gives out on you.. assuming your killer doesnt somehow make an escape and live for another day... for now

in that case shes right at your side and trying to stop your wounds from bleeding you dry. pressing her hands to the openings- which only serve to make them bleed faster, perhaps even accidentally digging herself into the mess- its... rough. its not a good time for either of you

shes not afraid to show her despair and desperation right in front of you as the light leaves your eyes. she wants nothing more than to put on a smile and pretend that youre going to make it through this... but shes not dumb enough to give the two of you false hope

[strniohoeee]

Could you write a Matt x fem y/n where she gets overwhelmed with life (or something like that) and she tries to hide it from Matt. She fails miserably and in telling him what’s wrong she has a panic attack, so he has to guide her through it. Like kind of angsty in the beginning but very fluffy in the end? If that’s okay with you?

Trapped

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Y/N is struggling to balance her stressful life without realizing it. Unable to figure out what’s wrong some questions from Matt make her spiral and panic takes place🗣️

Warnings⚠️: None it’s just short 😭

Song for the imagine: Silver Soul- Beach House

Trap

(Past tense) Trapped

Verb

Prevent (someone) from escaping from a place

Lately my mind has been clouded by this overwhelming feeling of stress. I’m not usually a stressed person, but when I do find myself getting overwhelmed I handle it well.

But right now in this moment I wasn’t sure what was wrong and why I couldn’t control these feelings. I suppose it’s true that stress is a silent killer.

I couldn’t really pinpoint why my mind was racing and I felt this impending doom waiting for me. Like I was on the brink of snapping?

To make matters worse I’ve been distancing myself from Matt and his brothers because I didn’t want to seem like a buzz kill. Constantly plagued by the “what’s wrong” was making me annoyed. Because I simply couldn’t say what was wrong because I didn’t even know.

Matt had come over to my apartment to spend the night with me. I felt horrible because he was so excited and I just wanted peace and quiet, and to go to sleep.

I was being such a bitch, and I tried not to be but it was becoming very hard. My mind was constantly racing and for what? I had no idea….

“Baby are you okay?” Matt asked me, snapping me out of my trance

“Huh what?” I said looking at him

“Well I’ve been talking to you and you haven’t said a thing” he said furrowing his brows at me

“I’m- I’m sorry” I said shaking my head

“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem off” he replied rubbing my arm

“Yes Matt I’m fine” I said sternly kind of brushing his arm off of me

“Oh uhh I’m sorry” he said snatching his hand back

“Listen I’m sorry I’m just not feeling the best today” I said rubbing my forehead

“Would you like to talk about it?” He asked repositioning himself on the couch

“What is there to talk about when I don’t even know what’s going on in my brain” I said frustrated

“I’m not trying to make you upset so we don’t have to talk about” he said looking at me

“I’m sorry, okay, it’s not you I promise. I’m just stressed” I said back to him

“Well baby what are you stressed about?” He asked reading my face for an answer

“Matt I don’t know okay” I said feeling my heart beat quicken

“It’s okay” he said rubbing my knee which caused my anxiety to spike even more

His over analyzing of the situation made my brain go haywire. Anxious thoughts infiltrating my mind.

“I’m just stressed about a lot…..my content, and then my part time job and then also juggling school, and then my mom called me the other day to say that my dog is probably dying, and I have tons of bills and so much stuff to do and such little time” I said my chest rising and falling

“It’s okay to feel that way. You’re young and you’re doing a lot and living on your own isn’t easy” he said tucking my hair behind my ear

“And the warranty is up for my car so I have to call and purchase it again, and my manager has been trying to get a meeting in with me, and I have to fly back home in two weeks”

“and….and…..why does my chest feel like it’s tightening?” I suddenly blurted out the last part

“Y/N, you have to calm down okay. You’re freaking yourself out just breathe” Matt said sitting up

“I can’t breathe and my hearing is going out, my vision seems blurry? Am I going to pass out?? Why can’t I breathe Matt?” I said breathing quickly and erratically

“Listen to me, okay listen to my voice. You’re having a panic attack. You need to focus on your breathing and calm down” he said grabbing my hands and sitting in front of me

“I can’t” I said staring blankly as tears ran down my face

“Yes you can baby” he said

“Why am I crying?” I asked trying to breathe

“You’re having a breakdown, you’re going to be okay just do as I say” he replied back

“Remember when I took you to the cape and we went to that river?” He asked me

“Yes” I said shakily

“Okay now breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth” he said wiping my tears

“Well remember how beautiful it looked, and how vibrant the tree were….we sat down on a rock and you put your feet in the water” he said to me

“Yes I remember” I replied blinking my tears away

“And you tried to count the rocks in the water but you couldn’t” he said

“Yeah there were too many I kept messing up” I said laughing a bit

“And then you just focused on the water running through your feet, and you said that-“ I cut him off

“I said that it felt like silk running along my skin” I replied smiling at him

“Exactly, and you said the wind blowing through your hair made you feel like a main character in a movie” he replied laughing

“Yes I remember” I said laughing

“And do you remember who was there with you?” He asked and to this I furrowed my eyebrows

“Of course Matt, it was you” I said looking at him

“Exactly, I will be with you no matter what. I will always be by your side” he said kissing my knuckles

I had calmed down and my mind had cleared. Finally coming to my senses at what just happened. My body and mind feeling exhausted

“Thank you Matt” I said smiling at him

“Always my love. I’ll always be here for you. You should never let yourself get this way. If you ever feel any amount of stress just tell me I can help you” he said rubbing my cheek with his thumb

“I’m sorry I just don’t want to seem like a burden” I replied looking down

“You’re never a burden. Because when I’m stressed you’re always there to help me and I want you to do the same” he told me

“Okay Matt I will. I promise” I said leaning into his chest after he sat back on the couch

“Listen, you're doing well enough to quit your part time job, and if you ever need any money for anything just let me know okay. I want to help you! I’ll fly with you back home, and I'll go to the dealership to get the warranty package for your car again. Let’s look at your calendar together and schedule the meeting with your manager. And I can help be your study buddy for your courses” he replied rubbing my shoulders

“Thank you Matt I really appreciate it” I said melting into his touch

“This is what I’m here for! To be there for you always” he replied kissing my shoulder

“I love you” I said

“I love you too” he replied back

I looked over my shoulder and he placed a kiss on my lips. A kiss that let me know how loved I was….

The End

Hiiiii I hope you enjoyed this one! I have two stories similar to this on my page, so I tried my best to make it different😭😭 I love yall and I hope you enjoyed this one🥹🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

[m4pletreez]

Information and Questions about UniteVerse!!

Ah, hello! My name is Maple, and I'm writing this post to info dump about UniteVerse! All sections of this post will have a little opening thingy so you know when the topic changes lol, since this is a lot of information I'm giving everyone reading- Firstly, we'll start with the cast of UniteVerse's personalities, then we'll get on with everything else!

The Cast and their personalities: Ink: A mix of canon, his UnderVerse personality, and fanon (but just a lot less bitchy and more patient) Error: It's practically non existent, because he's just a robot and can't technically feel anymore Nightmare: Calm and vigilant, but he's still also bossy and short tempered. He just has a lot more patience now Dream: Almost exactly like canon, although he has less patience now- (and he's basically an evil scientist now hehe) Killer: Kind of the same as canon? Maybe? He's a lot more quiet now and just a bit more distant, rarely anyone sees him anymore except for Nightmare Cross: Supportive and quiet, but his personality doesn't exactly matter because he's dead- Horror: Patient and protective, although he's infected so it doesn't matter- Murder: Canon personality with the addition of him being a bit more louder and expressive, but he's infected- Swap: Canon. But he's infected lmao- Science: Stern and strict, short tempered, but has a softer side to him Reaper/Death: Rare person to see, but he's non-talkative anymore and rarely socializes Geno: Canon ig? But, he's dead- Lust: Protective and commanding, still has his sense of style and that lovely personality! There's likely going to be others in UniteVerse, but they either hold no importance to the story or I'm debating on adding them in. Backstory. Some sort of accident within the multiverse (have yet to decide what it may be, probably has to do smth with the whole "balance" thing you sometimes see in other ppl's AUs), and said accident causes a huge problem that could cost everyone's lives

In this silly little multiverse, the Stars & Bad Sanses are forced to put everything behind them and leave it for later, until they can save themselves from death. (Then they'll get back to their whole fight thingys, but that doesn't happen for a long time) Lots of people get injured, some die, and some just get redesigns. Lots of incidents happen in the story that cause holes in the roads, for instance Error almost dying and having to basically be turned into a robot to stay alive, Ink having to become a medic/scientist, and alot of other shit-

It's smth I'm really proud of, and the whole basic idea came from an idea my 10-11 yr old self came up with named "The End Of Us All" which will never be an official thing- The multiverse is obviously not completed yet, but I like to post little things about the characters I've made so far in it and develop it more overtime!

The Completed Cast so far. I got Error, Ink, Killer, Nightmare, Cross, Dream, Swap, Horror, Murder, Science, and Lust all completed (design wise) and what their roles are in this multiverse! Here they are! -Dream & Nightmare are basically just the leaders of the two subdivisions, them also being Scouters. (A Scouter is basically just a medic or a Scientist at this point, but most of them have labelled names. For instance, Ink. Ink's labelled name is SC-1 bc he's the first Scouter out of them. Dream and Nightmare are SC-3 and SC-4.) -Cross was a medic but bro is dead now so- -Killer's just...existing atp (idk what he is yet, if anyone wants to give me an idea go right ahead!) -Error is going to become either something tech related, a mechanic, or smth else- -Ink's the main medic/scientist! He's also a Scouter, as mentioned earlier. -Murder was the second Scouter within the two teams! His label was SC-2. But, unfortunately for him, during an attempt to retrieve something on the surface, he was turned into an infected. -Horror was an assistant Scouter for Murder, who went on the same mission as Murder. Trying to get back to one of the entries of the bases, he was scratched on the forehead by an infected Murder, and was turned into an infected weeks later -Swap wasn't exactly given a role, mainly because I have no idea what his role should be. BUT!!! He's an infected, but there seems to be something different about him from the rest of them. . . -Science was a lone Scouter, working by himself and not with the others. He finds it more beneficial for him to work alone than to work with everyone else. Well, apart from Ink, he tends to work with Ink sometimes. -Lust is a type of commander, not sure over what yet, but he’s a big help for Dream and a trusted member. He’s still his usual self, but like stated earlier, he’s more protective and commanding, and he knows how to get the job done properly.

The Infected. The infection turns a perfectly normal person, human or monster, into a violent creature/being, losing any and all sanity and becoming a mindless beast. The symptoms before changing are: Hostility. Bleeding constantly from one spot on the body. (example: the ear) Loss of memory. Either loss of appetite or heavy appetite. (this changes depending on the person) Signs of potential insanity. A crazed look in the infected's eyes. A minute before someone starts to turn, they seek comfort from a person who brings them some form of comfort (who is usually dead), but are unable to get said comfort.

Some Fun Facts! (WILL HELP WITH PIECING TOGETHER LORE.) 1: Cross was killed in the same accident that almost killed Error 2: Dream is an anti-hero, and basically what you'd call an evil scientist lol 3: Some people have similar gloves to Scouters 4: There is no known way to restore the sanity in an infected or turn them back. 5: He may not seem like it, but Science is a huge importance to the story 6: The DT twins have a semi-decent relationship. They're on decent terms, but they tend to get bitchy with each other often 7: The loss of Cross and Swap is causing for Dream to be on the edge of his breaking point constantly  8: When Murder was still alive, he and Horror would go on missions that involved the surface and having to retrieve something in there 9: Ink is able to pick up on details quickly to piece together a situation 10: Ink tends to write logs about different things. From patients (aka people who might be infected, ppl who are sick, etc.,) to information about the infected, to past incidents he wants to get off his chest. He has a log book for almost everything 11: Science plays a huge importance in Swap's story, you'll know why eventually 12: Error remembers nothing after the explosion, apart from his name and age. Everything else has been wiped from his memory 13: Killer broke his arm by trying to kill an infected 14: Ink amputated half his arm to prevent himself from turning into an infected after being scratched in the wrist by one 15: If you've been scratched by an infected, pray that it's hit somewhere you can amputate or else you're fucked 16: Nightmare accidentally caused Cross' death, you'll know why eventually 17: Killer is almost always never around 18: Swap died protecting Ink from an infected, leaving Ink with constant survivours guilt 19: Ink lost Broomie near the start of the infection 20: The infection has a chance of making the multiverse fall

Anyways! That was a bit of an info dump, now! Time for the questions! These questions were asked by my lovely child @mira-rachel through Quotev (Also Mi, these answers are going to be updated so the answers may be a bit different than before) :3

Q1. I wanna ask, what took Cross' life? Is it the same incident that almost killed Error? Q2. What does the other sanses roles in this multiverse? Do they just exist, or, dead? Q3. Where is the main cast staying at? Q4. From the roles, i suspect there will be an apocalypse happening? Or am I wrong?

A1: What took Cross' life was a freakish explosion. Error was involved in the same accident, so yes! A2: Some of them exist, some dead, some alive. Usually roles come to me when making the characters, although sometimes I get ideas for their roles before hand! A3: The main cast are all hidden within two different bases underground! One base that is mainly meant for the Stars, and the other one for the Bad Sanses. They use an underground path system to travel to and from their bases so they don't risk going onto the surface and dying. (Ink also tends to stay at the medical facility in the Bad Sanses base to mostly take care of Error, since he doesn't want to risk him doing something that'll accidentally kill himself.) (They also have 2 separate backup bases that are extremely far from the Main bases, but the backups are for if the main bases get overrun by the infected.) A4: It's some form of apocalypse, mainly just a murderous infection though lol

ANYWAYS!! Eugh sorry that was so incredibly long, but I'm so happy I can share so much information about this AU!!! If anyone has any questions about UniteVerse, go ahead and ask! I'd be more than happy to answer them!! Thank you so much for your time, it's very appreciated. Have a fantastic day or night! <3

-Maple

Note: If you want to, please reblog. I really hope for this multiverse to become popular, since I'm working so hard on building it. But, you don't have to reblog if you don't want to! ^^

[sairenharia]

A lot of Chloe fans are against Trump and his supporters. If Astruc made Chloe canonically a Trump supporter on the show itself, would you still say that Chloe was unfairly treated by the narrative? That Andre was wrong to disown Chloe? Would you give up on writing stories that are sympathetic towards Chloe? Would you ignore it and pretend it's not canon? Would you become a Chloe salter?

I can't see Astruc making Chloe a serial killer in future episodes, but I can see him making her a Trump supporter out of sheer pettiness.

Personally, I wouldn't care if Chloe ends up being pro-Trump or anti-Trump, but I think a lot of people would.

I would ignore canon because straight up, Chloe would not be a Trump supporter because he's a fugly old man. Like literally take out everything else about him, zero context, she looks at that man's face, she would go 'ew' and straight up yeet it.

Also it would be a hella weird thing to bring up in canon. Like there's character assassination, but Astruc is in France and this show is set in France and literally why would Chloe give a single shit about American politics? She's a rich white teenager girl. Even without the character development I give her in stories, she straight up would just not care about him. Because that is Chloe's biggest flaw. She is quite self centered, which means unless it effects her, she isn't likely to give it much attention. And if she's in France, she has even more reason not to care because she wouldn't be thinking about how American politics affect the world, she would think that's America, and they're just doing whatever, and we're not going to be in America longer than an episode.

Audrey may work in the US, but she works internationally. She doesn't want tariffs. Tariffs interfere with things SHE wants because terrible woman she may be, she actually cares A TON about fashion and the harder it is to get materials, the harder it is to get what she wants and a lot of clothing stuff is international. So that avenue doesn't work for Chloe.

Literally the only thing about Trump that Chloe would probably care about is his going against women's healthcare because she's a woman and Chloe does actually really support women being strong and independent in concept. I also rather suspect Chloe as a person has a ZERO TOLERANCE policy when it comes to creeps because Chloe is very pretty and does not put up with bullshit and even with her terrible personality, she's absolutely been hit on a creep once or twice before. So between him doing policies that do negatively impact her AND he's a known rapist, that is against him.

So between the amount of fucks Chloe simply does not give about things, to one of her few core values, to that man being fugly as hell, it makes zero sense for her to support that man.

In short, it would be such a fucking weird writing choice that would only happen because Astruc is trolling and unlikely to get aired because Zag wouldn't want to deal with politics like that, because Zag wants to sell shit in America for the next four years, and it would just be another thing that makes zero fucking sense for Chloe to be doing.

Her character assassination was terrible, but when you talk about things making sense, Chloe going downhill DOES make sense. This is a thing that could realistically happen. Her doing a coup doesn't because there is A CHAIN OF COMMAND in government and one of the simpler upsets is suddenly no mayor because you do account for the head of a city simply dying. People being terrible to her and victim blaming her also makes sense.

The PROBLEM with Chloe's supposed damnation arc is not only is it BAD WRITING, its actually AN EXTREMELY FUCKING DANGEROUS MESSAGE to send to children and it makes everyone else in the narrative a worse person for it.

Chloe is an example of a child abused lashes out to make others feel that hurt. She is basically what Akuma's are, but the REAL WORLD version of it. She's hurt. She's TRAPPED. She lashes out. She desperately needs help to get out of the situation and support to change.

The narrative not only does not do this, it shows her being manipulated and groomed to be even worse, and then says SHE IS AN IRREDEEMABLE MONSTER as everyone uses her.

This tells every. Single. Child. In her situation, every single child who lashes out and many, many, MANY abused kids do lash out, and has told them its your fault that your family treats you like this, its your fault you're miserable, you cannot change, you do not deserve help or a second chance if you can't be entirely different from small scrap of aid of one time positive reinforcement while those who are around you constantly are telling you to be worse.

Chloe could have been a story of hope, of healing, or getting better, and they told all those children they're monsters instead, and all the good people around her CELEBRATED her being trapped in an even more abusive and terrible situation.

Ultimately, Chloe getting worse is not without some basis in reality.

Its just a fucking awful thing to do in a kid's cartoon.

But being a Trump supporter? Chloe gain literally jack squat from Trump's existence, that's not character assassination, that's just straight up ignoring even Chloe's worst traits. Girl is selfish. She ain't giving people the time of day if she doesn't get anything from it when she's at her worst.

[stevie-petey]

hello m i hope you are well. i'm finally reading chap 6 and 7 so that i'm ready whenever you release the final chapter of season 3 and once again, so, so good! i didn't realise how much has happened in such a short time!! here are my thought of chapter 6 before i read chapter 7 so you can get the chapter by chapter update.

Firstly, i wanted to compliment you on how scary you make the whole ordeal. obvs st is a sci fi horror show with elements of comedy, but i felt like s3's biggest flaws was not making the stakes feel as high as they were in certain moments. ofc you can't be held at an emotional tension all the time and there are down to be some low tension moments where it's appropriate to do some comedy, but overall, i felt like the scoop troop's dire situation was not always communicated well to the viewer outside of visual flare due to the actor's being instructed to keep things light and easy in their delivery. this was not the case with your chapter. i was very much feeling dread and horror at the thought of leaving steve and robin behind in the mega torture room together. you've always been quite good at making bug her own character and her own sort of adventure that doesn't depend entirely on steve, but do think that choosing to keep her separated from steve during the russian torture was a very mature writing choice.

immediately, right off the bat, this quote was so good at establishing the tone for this chapter, "it diminishes every sacrifice that has been made, it taunts the blood that has been spilled." reading bug be miserable over all the ways she hypothetically did or did not fail the group is so much more terrible when we keep in mind how much all of their efforts have been undermined, and it surprised me that the show itself was no interested in these fascinating questions. also this part, "All you ever do is try, you will die trying, you just can’t let it be in vain", omgggg bug is soooo "this is me trying" coded (affectionate).

ALSO OMG!!!! THE KISSS!!!!!!!! THIS IS BIG FOR BUG X STEVE TRUTHERS!!!! VAL MY SISTER IN ARMS WHERE ARE YOUUUUU!!!!! BUT OMG M THAT WAS SO GOOD!!!! I was soooo stressed out and everything was going a mile a minute and steve kissed her!!!! he finally did it!!!!! i absolutely love we-are-so-desparate-and-we-might-not-see-each-other-again-so-i-have-to-because-i-cant-die-knowing-i-never-did-it!!!!!! "It isn’t death that terrifies Steve, it’s the idea that he almost died without knowing how you tasted." SHUT UP!!!!!! IF HES NOT LIKE THIS, I DONT WANT HIM!!!!!! I was clutching my heart sweating like a victorian maiden feinting at hearing her lover dying on the sea!!!!! "Urgently, viciously, you scream the only thing you can think of that encompasses all the love and terror within you, “Come home to me!" TITLE DROP AFTER THE FIRST KISS!!!!! STUG ENDGAME !!!!!!! LUCAS SINCLAIR YOU *WISH* YOU HAD ACCESS TO THE FIREWORKS EXPLODING IN MY BRAIN RIGHT TF NOW!!!!!!! A smile spreads across your face when you think about him. The words spill from your mouth without any effort. “I do love Steve.” SHES SMILING WHEN SHE REALISES SHE LOVES STEVE AND DUSTIN KNOWS SHE LOVES STEVE AND SHES SMILING EEN THOUGH EVERYTHING SUCKS BECAUSE JUST THE THOUGHT OF THE OTHER IS ENOUGH TO BRING A SPARK OF JOY LIGHT AN EMBER OF HOPE IN THEIR CHESTS !!!!! YAYYYY!!!!! “Tried promising you I’d come home, angel.” Steve is sprawled on your lap. His eyes are cloudy, he isn’t quite here with you." COME HOME TITLE DROP PART 2!!!!!! WE KEEP WINNING STUG GANG!!!!! SEASON 4 GUILT TRIPS AND PSYCHOLOGICAL TORMENT THAT LEAD TO ARGUMENTS IDC IDC IDK IDK THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!!!!!!

Now I would like to take a moment and discuss bug's excellent additions to the generation of action heroes. "And you’ve always evened out your debts to him." Killer line. Great end for a close up shot of her face while a light flickers in the back and the shot cuts to black before we reset in another scene. A tribute to all the action stars of the 80s, truly a brilliant work my you M.

final note, using the chemical SMART WORK!!! I remember thinking during the episode "wow what conveniently weapon-like substance is this that our heroes have stumbled upon and i know dustin and erica used them as well as dustin and erica and bug, i'll be real, i would started throwing them in the russian guards' faces idc idc!!!!

overall, excellent work as i'm sure you know and looking forward to reading chapter 7!!!!

Ps. "She lets out her own content sigh, and you play with her hair as well. They’re still with you. Still whole and alive." challengers core if u think about it. polycule anon kinda spit game on that one.

HI BABY I MISSED YOU !!!

i really appreciate that u like how spooky i make the chapters. i never really understand the weight of the situations theyre in every season until i write them. season 3 especially has scenes they dumb down to make room for more comedy, and while its silly, sometimes i forget that a literal TEN YEAR OLD GIRL is trapped in a russian lair with very aggressive and armed men who want to kill her. like wtf stranger things ???

as for leaving steve, it simply had to happen. i wanted to do something different since most rewrites have them taken together (which is always juicy and i eat it up every time), i just couldnt do it for this rewrite. bug wouldnt leave dustin and erica behind like that. someone had to stay with the kids, protect them, and bug was perfect for that role !!! plus, it made for a GREAT first kiss scene so it was a win all around (your comments had me DYING LMAO). however, i dread the day i rewrite season 4 because i'll have to figure out how to separate steve, bug, dustin or if i even CAN because the teens and kids pair off differently. bug is the sister, the girlfriend, it will be a challenge :(

my sister and i always joke every time we rewatch the show that we would be so. done with living in hawkins. i think the show forgets its own time canon, because wdym every. single. year. thise kids are thrown inti danger ??? every time they think "hey, we won" MORE SHIT HAPPENS ??? i wanted to really emphasize that defeat, the feeling of doing everything right and it still not being enough. you always see exactly what i want the readers to see, its like you look into my mind <3333 you always know the themes im sprinkling in :')

AND YES !!! TITLE DROP !!! took us three seasons, but we made it!!! now, for the actual scene i have in the come home masterlist, that will be in season 4 when steve can finalllly promise bug he'll come home to her <333 and the ilu scene <333 bug loves steve so much and its so natural to her and i wanna cry thinking about them ugh.

THE DEBTS LINE ,,,, i felt so cool writing that thank u for feeding into my nerdiness and seeing the vision ,,, in my head i have a compilation of badass bug scenes that would routinely get edited and the scene with her preparing to save steve and robin is 100% in there. also for the chemicals sometimes the writers leave me no room to question how a plan gets made so im like ,,,, fine i will do it myself u cowards.

finally for the challengers bit i truly didnt intent for the fic to become so challengers coded but ,,,, whew. it is. and i love it dearly.

n i love u so dearly i saw ur reblog tags for chapter 7 and i am shivering waiting for the analysis i KNOW ur cookin up and u always pick apart my fic in ways i adore so so so much <333

[dubiouslynamed]

Alright, this idea has been giving me a hard time for weeks. Out into the void it goes! Sorry it's so long. There's more under the cut, believe me.

CURTAIN/ NIAT RUC

The Bentley's license plate, NIAT RUC, has been visible from the beginning of this show and it's been nagging at the back of my head just as long. Why is it 'curtain' spelled backwards? What does it mean? And what is the overall story about? Crowley asks the question at the beginning of Season 2. What's the point of it all? Angels, demons, heaven, hell? Is that license plate a Clue? Obviously, I think it is.

Good Omens is about friendship and love, certainly. But there's more going on. The book and show both deal with huge moral and ethical questions-often in the flashbacks, but not always. Why is the universe the way it is? Why do bad things happen to good people? How do you choose between two bad options? Why should you have to, sometimes? Is it right to harm one person to save another (Or many others? Or all the others?). What's the point of it all?

I think that's part of why this particular story, in whatever medium it's told, is so compelling. I love the characters and the writing and the direction and the production-clearly all the work of many very committed people who also love the story and have the skill and talent to bring it to life. But the best stories, and for me this is one of them, examine the *really* big questions. Good Omens asks those questions and somehow (Maybe by using an angel and demon as protagonists? I don't know. It's a mystery!) manages to be hugely entertaining while doing so.

Curtain is Agatha Christie's last Hercule Poirot mystery. She wrote it in the early 1940s, partly worried she might die in the Blitz and leave her detective without a satisfactory ending, and locked it up to be published over 30 years later in the 1970s. In it, a dying Poirot solves the mystery of the identity of a serial killer who has mastered the art of psychologically provoking other people to commit murders without ever being found out as the person who persuaded them to kill. There isn't enough evidence to charge this indirect murderer with anything and Poirot believes he will continue his crimes uncaught. Poirot murders the serial killer himself (by deceiving his friend Hastings to a fare-thee-well and then arranging the evidence to look like the killer committed suicide). He then stops taking the medicine that has been keeping him alive. Poirot's solution is what he sees as the lesser evil of murdering the killer followed by atonement in the form of his own death. In short, Poirot has chosen among the bad options available to him while retaining the moral sense that his choice is itself evil. Some Christie fans won't read Curtain and I don't blame them.

The Metatron looks a lot like the manipulative serial killer in Curtain, though a writer as skilled as Neil Gaiman doesn't borrow entire characters or plots. The Metatron is certainly in a position to have influenced or even caused some of Heaven's morally outrageous actions by representing them as the word of God. Poisoning the angels against humanity bit by bit over millennia until they have no problem with the idea of destroying all of creation. They're even enthusiastic about it. Heaven is arguably worse than Hell at this point because, in fairness, Hell seems to look at humanity as a recruitment opportunity more than anything else.

In the first series of Good Omens, we see Crowley propose murdering the Antichrist to stop the Apocalypse and Aziraphale come close to doing it (he is only stopped by Madame Tracy's good sense from firing the thunder gun at Adam). You have to wonder what would have happened to Aziraphale if he'd managed to succeed. Something like Poirot's death? Do even good-hearted angels have to choose between bad options?

I believe that authors, being deeply concerned with words and their meanings, should be taken seriously about what they call their stories. An omen is a portent, for good or for evil, of events to come. So the name Good Omens essentially means 'this is a story about good things that will happen in the future'. Perhaps, perhaps, then, Good Omens is a story about finding and removing a source of evil in the universe without having to commit a moral crime to do it and, as a consequence, getting things more on track to a happier ending for everyone, our characters included. Not to a place where too often there is only a choice among bad options but to a place where there are more good options. More reason for the dealer in God's metaphor to be smiling all the time. Not Curtain, but its reverse.

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

hii im just adding on to my old one with more about me! new info will be in pink <33

uhh im an indian teenage (14-15 though i look younger) girl and she/her presenting. im very easy to tell im indian. i have brown/tan skin and dark brown eyes. i have black curly hair but the tips are dyed a dark red. my face shape is pretty sharp, heart shape i think?? and people say i look like a cartoon? i have bangs that curl and swoop across my face though they fall straight across my forhead when straightened. 

im pretty short too, easy to pick up lol im also INSANELY clumsy and fall down a lot, very high pain tolerance tho! physical touch is my love language >>> HUGS, FORHEAD KISSES, HOLDING HANDS, just laying across each other?? omg i love it all

I'm very energetic and it shows. Im bouncy and fidgety and easily excitable. I'm very friendly and silly, and just chaotic in general. I'm an ENFP and fit like all the stereotypes and everything. Or if you know Owl House, I'm exactly like Luz Noceda. I care a lot about my friends but im not sure if i show it enough? i come off as a lot at first and am very awkward Tons of people associate me with hyperactive adhd (not diagnosed )! I'm pretty optimistic and positive in general, UNLESS we're talking about my humour- its the corniest dad jokes mixed with dark humour thats a very aqcuired taste, i also LOVE inside jokes <33 Like my vibes are all cutesy and sunshiney except when you know me you know im Very Concerning™ (my friends say my bracelts fit my vibes perfectly and theyre like yellow and pink with hearts and smiley faces but say Death and Arsonist) uhh, im also the mom friend along with the chaotic gremlin?? Yes, lets get in trouble but only if you take care of yourself! (i always carry bandaids, pain killers, ect. though it might also be the part of me obsessed with medicine and healing lol)

i like to read! and hang out with friends! adventures and exploring and doing things im not supposed to

FIRE AND NATURE AND OOO ANIMALS  CREEKS >>> CAVES >>>> just finding little places where we can be ourselves together you know? i really love cozy fantasy and believing in magic and just have a sort of childish innocence (this world is depressing without it :pp ) which also leads me to be pretty gullible :sob: -

i also like to write, though im not very good at it. I doodle sometimes for fun. Crafts are fun too! I bake when i have time but i mainly hang out with friends <33 I love to try new things, though I'm not really good at it lol ALSO I'M BI-ROMANTIC AND ASEXUAL (questioning for both) so i dont mind girl or boy, just SFW thank you so much btw, i love ur hcs so much and its really creative :DD

I’m giving you two different fandom ships

Your Fandom Ship(s): Tim Drake (Red Robin, DC Universe) and Steve Randle (The Outsiders)

Explanation: starting off of the parents I think that Tim would absolutely find you attractive and he would think that you’re one of the cutest people he saw all day. He would love your heart shaped face and love your curly hair with the red tips at the end and think that it made you stand out from other people, and I feel like his eyes would just be subtly on you as he walked by.  he’s also pretty short and I feel like it would be kind of a running joke between the both of you if you weren’t insecure about being short, of course. He’s not super clumsy, but he thinks the fact that you’re kind of a klutz is utterly hilarious and he will laugh at you a bit before helping you up with a smile. I honestly don’t hc him as being very interested in sex, so I think he would totally be fine with you being a sexual and willing to skip over that part of your relationship. He also really loves physical affection too, (to a limit) so I feel like he would be all about cuddling with you and hugging and kissing. But I also feel like he would need a break sometimes from that which you would totally respect. But he would love climbing through your window late at night, laying down in bed with you and just talking and having those deep late night conversations. So Tim is the type of person that doesn’t really use alarms and he doesn’t really get much sleep either. He’s very intelligent and mostly thrives on coffee and very much stays up late and doesn’t get enough sleep so I feel like he wouldn’t be as chaotic as you, but I feel like he would help wake him up a little bit in a way that even coffee can’t I feel like you guys would perfectly balance each other out because he’s definitely a bit more of a tired guy and you’re definitely a bit more oh my gosh, look at that look at this. Watch me do this! Type of person. It also works in vice versa because I feel like he could kind of be your melatonin a bit and help you kind of remember to relax calm down. Take one step at a time not in the way that’s squashing your excitement and chaotic kindness, of course, but more than a way that just kind of grounds you. He’s a bit of a nerd too and comes off a little bit awkward when he’s not in his red Robin superhero persona where he hast to be smooth and he’s just in regular old Tim Drake so I think you guys would kind of be together because you could bond over that a bit and kind of feel like the other person is way smoother or something than you and feel like you guys are really on the same page. I feel like Tim also kind of needs you because he definitely doesn’t take care of himself and it’s kind of funny your relationship because he’s going to tell you oh don’t break the law and you’ll be like well. You take care of yourself you have a broken arm you shouldn’t even be, doing that anyway and then you guys will both stare at each other like “shit. You have a point.” I feel like he kind of makes more nerdy jokes, but he would definitely appreciate your dad joke, humor and you guys have so many freaking inside jokes. It’s not even funny like you guys talk to each other around the rest of the bat family and they’re just so clueless as to what you’re saying because of how many freaking inside jokes you guys have referenced in one minimal conversation. He also loves reading so I feel like that’s something you guys could do together. Just have a little reading and music dates where you sit down and just vibe and then maybe later talk about your books and I feel like he’s the type of person that after reading a book would love to come up with all sorts of theories about it And things like that because he is a better detective than Bruce Wayne himself in canon. I feel like Tim would love film theory (the YouTube channel). Anyway, I feel like you guys could also go on hikes together and that’s something that he would enjoy. 

Explanation: starting off with physical attraction I think that Steve would be very attracted to you and think you’re extremely beautiful. He would love your heart shaped face and the way you look like some sort of animated character just popped right out of television and in front of him and he would think that your hair is super cool, but he would never tell that to you until you were way further in the relationship. He is a lot taller than you and would love picking you up and spending you around and teasing you about being short and because you’re so clumsy, he would probably be jokingly calling you “dummy” a lot while fully knowing that you could definitely beat him in any academic test easy. He’s totally fine with you being as sexual as he doesn’t really care that much about that in the relationship as long as he gets to be with you. He would love physical affection, though it might take him a while to get used to it and you might have to do it later on into the relationship. Once it finally happens I think he would totally be in love with holding hands with you, kissing your cheek and things like that. as for your excitable personality and very ADHD chaotic gremlin vibe I think that you guys would be a great match together because he’s kind of a grumpy vibe and I feel like you would even each other out like you’re one of the only people besides his best friend that can make him smile and he’s one of the only people that can calm me down if you can’t focus because there’s too many things in the rumor something like that. He likes that you take care of him because sometimes he gets injured whenever he’s working on cars and it’s pretty convenient that you always have bandages on and alcohol wipes, and things like that. It also makes him feel cared for whenever you do it. He would laugh really hard at your dad jokes and I feel like you guys would have a decent amount of inside jokes as well. As for your kind of sunshiny side I think you guys would be a great pair because he’s kind of colder and grumpy so I think you guys would even each other out. He doesn’t get reading as much, but he would really love it if you read to him while he was working on cars so he had something other to think about.

[multifanlol]

Hello! I absolutely love your Amphibia fics, and so, I was wondering if you could perhaps do a calamity trio x reader who’s on their period? Basically just sort of comforting and stuff, since I’m on mine rn, and I could really use some comfort haha. You don’t have to do this is it makes you uncomfortable, I completely understand. Have a nice day, and thank you!

Hey! Thanks, and sure I’m also on mine so it may be more easier to write-

Calamity Trio x reader that’s on there period

So like they get it i mean they have periods themselves you don’t even have to tell them get ready for a bunch of comfort and cuddles!

Marcy would be ready with the supplies like my girl would have pads/tampons/any period product you use, a bunch of food if your craving it and best of all plushies

If your feeling emotional Anne would be the best to deal with that she would sit there while you rant to her about pretty much anything and comforting you 😭

Sasha would probably be the one to make sure your still taking care of yourself-like would make you go on atleast a five minute walk to breath some air-only if you weren’t dying with cramps though

I can just see them lying down with you wrapped in a huge blanket with tons of plushies watching a movie probably Marcy’s pick but if you wanted to she’d let you pick 😭

If your cramps start getting bad you have them all coming to you immediately! Marcy giving you pain killers/stuff that loosen the cramps a bit, Anne giving you a cup of water and Sasha setting up a hot bath for you to just relax-

They’d get it since they’d also struggle with it if one of them/all of them happened to also be on there periods it’d just end with you all sleeping somewhere on the same bed 😭

If someone was bothering you while on your period/someone was making fun of you, you know for a fact there gonna step in right away

Like Sasha would say the most degrading thing ever 😭 Marcy and Anne would comfort you

In the end of the day they’d understand what it’s like and would comfort you whatever mood swings you may be dealing with-

Sorry it’s really short 😭 i didn’t really have much ideas even though i wanted to write more for it even though it’s very short i hope you liked it-

Have a good day/night everybody!

[idv-harmonic-melody]

❛ Killernight Disco❜ - Another victim

Last event post

"August X, 1998 Time: why am i even writing this when i know i don't know the time. But i think it has been like...Almost an hour? Mood: another person died.

Where do i even begin? No, actually, i don't know where to start. I remember seeing horror movies and thinking that there was no way people were as dumb as these characters, but they apparently are! Amazing! Actually no, Orpheus, concentrate. Do not start speaking ill of the dead, imagine if you end up dying too and someone starts writing shit about you, you wouldn't like it, would you? Well, actually, i would be dead, so i wouldn't be able to know that. Well. Whatever.

This entire paragraph was to say that i am losing my mind, it has been only an hour and i am already losing my mind. Another person died, i am now sharing this club with three bodies. But alright, let me remember what happened exactly to see if i calm down.

After writing my thoughts for the last time i tried to talk to the people there and we all gave each others our names, and afterwards, since the club was so big, we decided to separate into groups, i decided to team up with Ms. Topaz (because if anything went bad, we could lock ourselves in the vip area, because there is no way the assassin has acess to it, right?) and decided to search around the club's bathrooms once more, as there could be clues left by the assassin still in there, which proved to be useless since we didn't find anything.

But my peace was short-lived, because soon, Ms. Kafka came into the bathroom to ask for help. Apparently, the killer had appeared in front of her and her husband when they were searching around the 2nd floor, and, when her husband decided to run and leave her behind, the killer had gone after him, despite her being right there. (reminder for myself: weird)

When we went upstairs, the door to one of the vip rooms had been open, and upon entering, we found Mrs. Neumann corpse there, there was a lot of broken glass bottles around the place, he had a really bad wound in his head, and a wound similar to the one of the two other victims in his throat, well, needless to say he was dead.

Upon looking through his itens, i couldn't manage to any VIP card that he could potentialy have, so maybe i should ask his wife (ex-wife?) about that. For now, i will try to warn others about what happened, maybe ask Ms. Topaz and Ms. Kafka to try to find them for me while i try to investigate the room better?

God, i'm not good at this type of thing."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As always, a little ramble below the letter! Matthias was really fun to draw, and, technically, he was one of the first and also the last designs i made! Since i made his first design right after finishing Beth's and Xiao's, but i reallyyyy disliked how it looked, so i didn't remade it until finishing ALL the others, when i finally had some ideas! Also as a small fun fact: his jacket is inspired by one i actually have!!!!

I had some difficulties making his designs as most inspo i found were for teenager atletes, and i def did NOT want him to look too young, so i tried to use a mix of atletes clothes + bad boy styles, and i think it looked pretty neat!!! Gen one of my fave skins..........As always, here is a small ref for his whole body + his beta design!!!

[the-robot-bracket]

More awake now and I'm popping back in to talk about that DR hot take; totally right and fair. Sonia shouldn't have to die for the development of Kaz, whom I do love dearly but also recognize the many, MANY issues with his writing. And killing a female character is not the way to go about slapping him with that development.

HOWEVER, I do offer an altered idea; I sometimes dabble in an AU where Sonia dies instead of Hiyoko in chapter 3, if only bc I feel like Hiyoko really got the short end of the stick in terms of just...not only getting killed off in the middle of character development, but they don't even discuss the murder weapon used to kill her! Or even have Mikan do it because of the bullying element, she was just...there and unlucky.

I choose Sonia as a victim in place of Hiyoko in terms of being the victim bc of some reasons tied to the rest of the characters needing to make it to the end of the game. And Hiyoko gets character development and a chance to grow as a person, not necessarily BECAUSE of Sonia's death, but because she herself does not die and actually gets that time to do so. IDK, I've just always liked that concept since I first heard about it.

Plus Hiyoko's warmed up to me a lot as a character. She's such a brat, but I can't help but think she deserved better. But I suppose that's true for so many Dangle Rompus characters in general </3

Honestly, I've also thought about this concept before, and I feel like Hiyoko getting development from not dying and realizing it could have been her since she planned to go there originally could work pretty well. So Sonia decides to get the mirror for Hiyoko and Hiyoko has to live with the fact someone died to do something nice for her

I just don't feel Kazuichi should get 'positive' development from her death. If the whole Gundham and Sonia romance was pushed to chapter 3 (and we'd get to see it through Chiaki's pov maybe) her death would have a big impact and both deaths would be equally discussed since it's also emotionally charged unlike in canon. Rather than either of them pushing it forward, however, it gets heated (because they both assume the other did it). Meanwhile, Hiyoko feels some guilt over the whole thing but doesn't want to admit it until she snaps at both of them that they never knew her fully anyway and only wanted to get in her pants or something along those lines. Hurtful stuff to get them to shut up. And then the bombshell with Mikan happens

So now Chapter 4 could start with Hiyoko trying to find someone to hold onto while her emotions run wild and finds that in Chiaki.

Meanwhile, Gundham and Kazuichi could start warming up to each other and start a fragile friendship until Chapter 4 happens. I feel a dynamic of paranoid Kazuichi first trying to defend him, and once it becomes clearer that it's Gundham immediately assuming the worst of him very engaging. Especially if only after Kazuichi has called him a traitor and some other nasty stuff before his death and Gundham is already gone, he realizes his true intentions. THAT could actually develop him with Kazuichi regretting not trusting him and immediately jumping to conclusions so he promises to trust his friends from now on

And a two chapter long build up of a friendship between Hiyoko and Chiaki could give us some more heartbreak. Because having lines like 'I've already lost Mahiru, why must you take Chiaki, too?' Would honestly break me.

But that's just how I would personally do it if Sonia were still to die. It's still not that good tbh

Kazuichi in a lot of fanfictions I've read just develops by Sonia being a murderer and A) turning out to be a serial killer who hunts peasants for fun and being a spoiled rich girl who put on a facade (yes, I've read a fic with that storyline) or B) her talking to him like his behavior was fine and saying cheesy stuff to 'not give up' etc. and acting like his behavior was fine or even apologizing to him for calling him out after she yelled at him for defending her in a trial???

[idiotic-turtles]

i read 20 books in 2024 - let's talk about some of my favourites!!

(please note i tend to forget certain things after i finish a book so this may not be the best review you've ever read)

in no particular order...

none shall sleep & some shall break by ellie marney - in my head these are joined into one giant book because i read them one after another. they are my new all time favourite books. essentially, its a ya thriller in which these two teenagers in 1982 each had their own experiences with a serial killer and are recruited by the fbi into the behavioural sciences department to interrogate teenage serial killers, but they eventually get swept into an on-going case and have to seek the help of an imprisoned serial killer. i know some people feel like the whole 'teens in the fbi' thing is unrealistic, which is fair, but i feel like this author executed it really well. the characters in the book didn't treat it like it was a normal occurrence, and it was actually a pretty important plot line. i could go on and on but i just loved everything about these books and i can't wait for the third book to come out this year.

what moves the dead by t. kingfisher - its a retelling of the fall of the house of usher by edgar allan poe where a retired soldier is called to the house of their childhood friend because she is dying, but something is wrong. there's possessed wildlife, and fungus, and honestly what more could you want. i loved how much detail was put into the backstory of the main character and how much depth the author gave them. its not very long, as its based on a short story, but the writing is amazing and its well thought out. i also highly recommend the sequel, what feasts at night (and apparently there's a third one coming out???).

a house with good bones by t. kingfisher - can you tell i went on a gothic horror/t. kingfisher kick this year? a paleoentomologist returns to her childhood home, which was originally her grandmother's but her mother inherited it when she died. her brother had been telling her that their mother had been acting strange, but now that she sees it for herself she's disturbed. her mother isn't at all like she used to be, and she plans to find out why - but this will have consequences. this book was fantastic. i already loved this author and the way she writes and this book just enhanced that. i thought the characters were written well, and although certain parts of it may seem slow (it really isn't, i was just a slow reader at the time), its so worth it. (and the cover for the paperback is awesome.)

small favors by erin a. craig - takes place in a small, secluded town surrounded by a forest from which the founders of the town drove out the devil. a supply party goes missing in the forest, among other strange occurrences. the townsfolk believe it is the work of strange creatures in the woods, who supposedly fulfill your greatest wish for a small favour. i LOVED this. it has a little bit of an open ending, but i feel that it was a good place to stop. the writing was so so good, it was never boring, the characters had depth, and it kept me questioning the entire time. i also discovered its loosely based off of rumpelstiltskin but i didn't really pick up on that until the end.

HIGHLY recommend all of these. hopefully this years books will live up to my expectations

[dr-symbiont]

Is it time to talk about dreams? I haven't read any explanatory literature, I prefer to learn everything from my own experience, and I've been recording dreams for years. I have achieved results in my practice: now every period of hibernation I see something, usually all very clear, though not very logical - this is normal; also I do not forget or confuse events. I contemplate conscious dreams quite often, but do not find them interesting to consider. Lately, however, I've been too lazy to write them down, and some instances get lost altogether, so... here we have a veeery short selection of horror stories. <]

[November 15, 2022].

First you, a local homeless thief with only skin and bones left, are taken from the grim streets by certain priests. Not so - the Inquisition. The Inquisition, but vice versa. In this universe, you're not supposed to believe in religion, because if anything, it's Evil.

They mock you until a rank higher can see. We are bound and left, avatar, I feel your despair and incomprehension, and yet I am in your mind for the rest of this dream.

They are fattening you up. It goes on for a while before I have time to realize that in this dystopia, you and I are being taken on a boat, and we are drifting further and further away from shore, until I become uneasy.

You stare into the water, dark because of an overcast sky with a faded, unhealthy sun, and infinitely deep.

That's how they leave you. You have a whalebone in your teeth, bound hand and foot, and sinking swiftly in the somehow choppy water. I too am restless, my nameless avatar, I feel a vibration. There seems to be an approaching reason why the water has begun to fluctuate.

So, let's see.

That gang of cultists killed you and imprisoned you as the personification of the sea serpent for their glory. They hoped to subdue the avatar, but I didn't like their treatment of you.

You are very cramped, you grow and grow and grow and grow... there is not enough room in this world for you anymore. It's time to create your own. Embody Being somewhere where the laws of physics and space don't apply, right? That's great. Come on, snake.

I'm awake.

[November 18, 2022].

I was dreaming of a series of 15 episodes. I stopped at 7, some didn't have previews. At the end of each series I was almost dying and at least severely maimed, but someone else was dying instead of me: loved ones, colleagues, relatives, the maniacs themselves, and random people. The series always ended with a silent image of a bloody mess.

Darkness, a little light, whether from a lantern or moonlight, and a glistening pile. Often not the body, but only the insides. A grainy effect. A long, deep silence.

The causes of death were always some kind of killer, not ridiculous choices like in "Destination." So, in one of the more detailed cases, when I was still awake in the morning, I went with someone in the middle of the night to a place outside of town with fields and a big house that looked like a sawmill. Something there we needed. But the most important thing was not to be caught by a certain serial maniac known for killing his victims with a rock on the head. The important thing was not to make any noise. I was wondering where he was going to get the stones and why he would be here.

The problem was to get away from there. They left... not all, but because of the other guy, not the blue-eyed stone killer. Something was found on the spot, and I'll be honest, it reminded me more of a rift in another time. It scared me away, it smelled dangerous.

The driver on the bus was drunk. The bus was empty.

I had never read a dream book. What do you dream about your own death? The cuckoo's already gone, or stress, I guess. I don't care. When I get strangled, when I drown, when I run to the other side of the world in an attempt to delay my death, but know that I will be found with complete neutrality, as if a bot in the game would just follow my trail - I decide to wake up.

(upd: death in the dreambooks has a similar meaning to the arcana of the same name in the tarot, and does not mean death in its literal sense, but change and new ways).

God, one day this death will happen for real and I won't be able to wake up at will.

In another episode, somewhere near the end, when everything went relatively well, no casualties and I was walking home with my mother, when we were abruptly dragged into a car by a certain super-fast couple (by time standards, they were moving in space really too fast), and their car was going really frantic. The woman fired several shots at my mother, and she fired them at mine, and I felt an oppressive void at the point of impact, very dark and partly squeezing, until I reached out to move my gun in her direction, for she would not stop shooting at me. It didn't work, instead she shot through the glass, and then what happened, I don't know, all I saw were piles of other people's flesh and organs in a sort of downhill slope into the woods off the road. Must have been a car crash. I sat under a tree and looked up at the night sky. Much quieter than usual.

Did I remember, did I feel anything about it all being over? Or was I just looking up at the sky as if nothing had happened?

I was looking up at the sky, but it seemed as if I could still see this completely silent ending to the series, in which the insides are shown from one or two angles for a few minutes after the hype. No noise in my ears. That's how it felt.

On the human side, it's scary. It's scary to see and feel that, to realize one's immersion and involvement in what has happened, though more often than not people only want to cut themselves off from it.

On the dry facts side, this kind of dream detail is fascinating, there is something in it, and I will respect my dreams by all means. It didn't hurt me much, though-my real fears weren't there.

[November 19, 2022]

These were the wars associated with the airlift. <White army, holy countenance>. <Crosses>. I remember a day when the sky was a sunset crimson hue. They called it Twilight Day, which happens twice a year. Or once every two years.

Twilight Day was valued as sacredly as any other biblical holiday, in connection with which the wars were suspended for twenty-four hours, giving the soldiers a rest. I don't know who is fighting there and for what, but the flying military equipment is overwhelmingly huge.

The atmosphere of exaltation and bustle all around and at the same time such an easy calm. It's too beautiful.

[November 20, 2022]

The assassins again. This time indescribable objects that exist outside the quantum. They are unable to move as long as they are in sight, but once the world can't see them, they are full of speed.

Don't blink, you can't. Don't look away. Don't turn around.

They don't kill, but they feed off <potential> energy, I'm told. Something familiar, I may have read. And they take to the unknown. Potentially taken into the potential unknown.

They've got everyone. I sit alone in the corner of my room. My camera is on and pointed at the window. They've cut off the lights.

To die again. Fuck it.

[January 23, 2023]

You know, I always dream about something very distorted and hard, followed by hours of withdrawal if I try to go to sleep against my regimen, like at five in the morning - which is much earlier (and that's when this breathing problem occurs, which I have to remember to breathe or I will choke, but I won't slow down - I won't fall asleep, but it might just be a runny nose). I was just and just on a feeling level. I felt so exhausted, but not bodily, and yet so normal, as if I were living in broth. I want to mention the caves. It is just one of the many momentary places, the most important of all, that I was in at the same time as others, and it is indescribable. It was dark, warm and cold. In another place I also cut someone. :р

I was aware that this was a projection, and I just wanted to see if I would get any sensation from hurting others. It turned out to be surprisingly exhilarating (I could feel my body-sleeping chest heaving), on a deep level pleasant, not a superficial emotion like empty joy or physical satisfaction. A very light, unobtrusive pleasure as quantity, and the point exactly is not the victim's suffering and sobbing, but the mutilation of my hands. I tried not to get carried away, but the very fact that my snobbishness had such a prick is like a thunderbolt out of the blue. Tears seemed to flow from my sleeping body.

I stood in traffic afterwards and realized how much reality was turning upside down and how fucked up I felt.

It's worth noting that I've been confusing dream and reality for a long time now, and I wouldn't want to allow myself to have extreme faith in situations like this.

Generally, in the dream books, the meanings of such phenomena, as far as I know, will not be very positive in general, because well, THIS is literally WOUNDS and usually means a strong collapse on the verge of a slight roof overhang.

Purely psychologically, it could be some repressed emotion (not necessarily from the present) that somehow manifested itself in the dream, because the brain kindly gave itself permission to relax a bit and express that emotion HOWEVER. Thank you, mind, I was aware of my need for control, not enough sadism on top of that!

[emotionallychargedtowel]

So, I'm reblogging this post with an only semi-related note because both @waitmyturtles and @nieves-de-sugui expressed an interest in hearing about this. This may or may not be of interest to other folks.

Reading WMT's thoughts about the implications of Thai culture's views on the spiritual world and spirituality and religion more generally got me thinking about something I read a million years ago when I was in undergrad. It's not related to Thai culture, but to American culture, but it might be interesting as a way of situating American viewers in relation to Thai BL series. I don't know if I'd even remember this idea today, but it ended up leading to a funny interaction with a favorite professor of mine and that cemented it in my memory. Still, it's something I think about regularly and find has implications far beyond the specific topic under discussion.

When I was a first-year at Bard back in the mid-90s, I was in the library one day and even though I had lots of assigned reading to do, I was sick of it, so I went and looked at the shelf the library had set aside for new arrivals to see what was there and noticed a book of academic writing on Madonna. My interest in scholarly work on pop culture was already going strong, so I decided to check the book out.

I didn't end up reading a ton of it due to the aforementioned pile of assigned reading, but out of the portion I did read, there was one chapter that kind of blew my mind. It was about the controversy that surrounded Madonna's Like a Prayer video. For anyone who's not aware, this video famously cost Madonna a sponsorship deal with Pepsi and was condemned by tons of religious groups. Why? The short version is that the video mixed religious symbolism with romantic/erotic elements. I don't think any of the folks who condemned the video explicitly criticized this part, but it seems likely that the controversy was also in part due to the fact that Madonna's character kisses a Black man and the video portrays anti-Black bias by police.

Madonna is a witness to a murder, is (it's implied) threatened by the actual killers not to identify them, then sees a Black man who tried to help the dying victim wrongfully arrested for the crime. In her distress, she runs into a church where there's a a life-sized statue of a Black saint on display that somewhat resembles the wrongfully accused man. She lies down on a pew. The statue cries, she kisses its feet, and it starts to move. An all-Black choir appears in the church and she sings with them. She's shown kissing the wrongfully accused man while lying down surrounded by candles (which is sometimes interpreted as her lying on the church altar, but it's not clear and she may well still be on that pew). She wakes up, having apparently dreamed the whole moving statue thing, and goes to the police station to exonerate the wrongfully accused man. This story is interspersed with footage of Madonna singing in an outdoor setting at night surrounded by burning crosses. The main issue most critics seemed to have with the video was the fact that it seemed to show Madonna in a sexual context in a church, and that the parallels between the accused man and the saint, along with the setting, seem to show or imply that she's making out in a church and/or with a saint statue that has come to life. Some called out the burning crosses as well. I remember seeing news coverage about this as a middle-schooler and in my recollection, the burning crosses were framed as some kind of disrespectful-of-Christianity thing without mentioning the obvious fact that they symbolize racism and white supremacy.

This is where the article comes in. It was by a sociologist specializing in religious communities in the US who taught at a large university. She did a sort of informal study on different responses to the video using her students as her research subjects by showing the video in class and then having her students fill out paper questionnaires. She theorized that Protestant students would have a harder time with the portrayal of sexuality/romantic love as being intermingled with the sacred than Catholic students would, and this ended up being correct. Basically, the video exposed this specific tendency within American Protestantism that viewed sexuality and religion as completely separate, and any attempt to place them in the same context as sacrilegious. Catholicism, on the other hand, had more openness to the idea of these two parts of human experience overlapping, including being OK with sexual metaphors being used to describe experiencing the divine (something with a lot of historical precedent, e.g. orgasmic portrayals of Teresa of Avila and the ecstasies she experienced while being pierced by a seraph's golden spear).

At the time I read this, I was taking a "freshman seminar" class where we were reading Ulysses. My professor, Dr. P, was a favorite of mine but a pretty huge fuddy-duddy. We were talking about Molly Bloom's famous soliloquy at the end of the novel, which mixes up, well, a lot of things (that's basically what it's famous for, it's made up of a number of massive run-on sentence full of free-associating), chief among them her love for her husband and sexual details about her extramarital affairs (this passage is one of the main reasons Ulysses was censored for decades). But there are also a lot of references to God throughout the soliloquy. We were talking about this seeming dichotomy and about what it meant for Joyce to write it since he was raised in a highly observant Catholic household but turned against the church completely.

I raised my hand and told Dr. P that I had just read something about Madonna that might relate to this question. He looked horrified but let me continue. I summarized the Madonna article and said that despite Joyce's rejection of the church, maybe he retained this Catholic sensibility in which sexual metaphors for God and/or religious metaphors for sex were not only OK but part of a rich historical tradition. Dr. P reluctantly said, "The Madonna point is...well taken" and honestly, I have never been prouder of anything in my life than I was of getting that acknowledgement from him.

Of course, the discussion started by that sociologist and continued in my freshman seminar class only examines different forms of Christianity. Both traditions are firmly rooted in European culture, as well. It's a whole other matter to look at these concepts in relation to other religious traditions and cultures from entirely different parts of the world.

I do see value in highlighting this tendency within Protestantism, though. I think for a lot of folks who grew up in the US, even those who weren't raised as Protestants or raised in Christianity at all, we're thoroughly acclimated to the idea that if religious ideas/figures/etc. are portrayed as having anything whatsoever to do with sexuality that's inherently sacrilegious. It's one of those commonplace ideas that's so ubiquitous in American culture that we don't even notice it or give much thought to the fact that it's completely arbitrary. Noticing this is kind of a prerequisite for being able to examine these issues in a different cultural and religious context. We have to know where we're coming from in order to see things from another angle.

I don't know enough about Thai culture to situate it in relation to these ideas, personally. But I don't know if this strict demarcation is present in any other religion or culture to the extent that we find it in American Protestantism specifically. I'd be very interested to hear from folks with more knowledge of Thai religious and spiritual beliefs and attitudes about these two areas and how they should or should not relate to one another. My guess is that the very existence of HCTM suggests that Thai culture is more flexible about these two types of experience being portrayed as interrelated.

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: He’s Coming To Me Edition

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr last year and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings – and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the amazing current works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about that history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs directly or indirectly related to GMMTV and what that channel is producing now. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, I’ll cover He’s Coming To Me, how this show centers Thai-Chinese/Asian culture, shipper culture, and the brilliance of Ohm Pawat and Singto Prachaya. THIS IS A LONG POST.]

I’m gonna have to hold myself down for this one. He’s Coming To Me. This kind of show. HCTM is ABSOLUTELY the reason why I created this project watchlist in the first place – to watch this kind of show. This show cements my utter respect and passion for the work of Aof Noppharnach. This guy’s work needs to be taught in schools. 

I’m like – after days of finishing HCTM, and furiously and hungrily rewatching episodes, I am still shaking my damn head at this show. I knew it was great, but y’all didn’t prepare me for ITS GREATNESS. (And to be watching it the same week as Our Skyy 2 x Bad Buddy x A Tale of Thousand Stars – it’s been an Aof-themed moment, and I’m a touch overwhelmed by EVERYTHING I’ve absorbed.)

I am actually contemplating – I’m seriously contemplating this! – if I like this show better than either Bad Buddy or Moonlight Chicken. I know, I KNOW. I’m not talking about the story, the structure, the filming, the writing and direction. I’m literally just talking about my own damn preferences. I might just LIKE this show better, for what it held, what it told, and how the show showed so much respect for its story.

And there’s a lot I want to touch on in this piece, so as usual, a little list for myself:

1) Where this show came from vis à vis the watchlist, and what I think it meant by way of previous BLs 2) The Asianness of the show and how it transcended the usual BL tropes 3) A celebration of Aof’s favorite themes, and how cool it was to see them being born in HCTM (including the theme of young/first love that I haven’t seen before in his work) 4) A hopefully brief and not angry reflection on shipper culture, homophobia, Ohm, Singto, and how that affected HCTM in the annals of Thai BL

Without having seen his My Dear Loser work, or his screenwriting for Gay OK Bangkok 1 and 2 (which I plan to watch after the OGMMTVC is over, in preparation for Only Friends): HCTM is the first full Aof vehicle to enter my watchlist. So just quickly looking behind me: I’ve had shows like Love Sick, SOTUS, Together With Me, Love By Chance – shows that began to toe the line, then define the line, then sharpen the line of what BL was. As I wrote in my Love By Chance review last week, I felt that LBC was the first show on my watchlist that felt like a true derivative BL, complete with tropes that had been born during Love Sick and SOTUS, and sharpened over those first few years of the Thai BL industry growing.

So it’s 2019 now, and we get He’s Coming To Me, both written and directed by P’Aof. Tropes? No tropes. What a flip from LBC.

Instead, we get an absolute head-first dive into many of the themes that we see Aof continued to play with in his later works. For me, HCTM evoked Moonlight Chicken the most, especially for what I call the Asianness of this show – Aof’s unabashed focus on Asian cultural themes and threads that create structure and movement for his characters.

Before I get ahead of myself, I want to thank @telomeke very deeply for chatting with me about how I could learn more about Thai-Chinese culture, because themes and behaviors related to Thai-Chinese demographics are clearly common in Thai BLs, and I’ve felt that it behooved me to learn more about the culture (or as much as I can from the internet) as I continue to review these shows. But @telomeke reminded me that a lot of the assimilation of Chinese cultures and populations mirror the cultural mixing that took and takes place in Malaysia, where a part of my family hails and where I’ve spent a good portion of my life. So I’m relieved that I actually understand more about Thai-Chinese culture than I gave myself credit for, BUT – that’s only a caveat, because I still have so much more to learn.

I say this because I’m using this word, “Asianness,” to describe in part at least one impression I have about HCTM, which is taking seriously the theme of ghosts and what role ghosts play in a human’s life. We see very often in Japanese doramas the practice of praying at an altar honoring past ancestors – ancestor culture and worship are big in Japan, and the doramas don’t shy away from that. We see temple trips all the time in doramas and BL doramas – especially during New Year’s. (Our Dining Table being just the most recent one.) We see Buddhist temple culture in Thai BLs often – in KinnPorsche, in Bed Friend, in Big Dragon, and very especially in Moonlight Chicken.

I think what I want to point out here, if I can say it eloquently, is that a Western viewer might find more notable in an Asian drama, than in a Western show, the inclusion of practices of spirituality. In the West, spirituality might be indicated by a trip to a church, or prayer. But it strikes me – and maybe this is because I’m a first-generation Asian-American, my eyes open to ALL the differences between my culture and America – that Asian dramas incorporate the practices of spirituality more seamlessly, because practices like lighting an incense stick and giving a quick prayer before breakfast is more culturally embedded in places like Japan or Thailand. The practice is there, and you just do it, because that’s what you do for your culture. (I often see a stick of incense lit and burning next to a plate of fruits in the early mornings when I jog past Thai restaurants. It’s just – what you do.)

It struck me, and I still wonder about it, if Western viewers may have thought that Thun was going overboard with his interest in Thai-Chinese Buddhist practices, including being so diligent about offering alms to the passing monks, going to the temple for merits, and keeping electric incense sticks on him to make sure that Med wouldn’t disappear. An auntie on Whatsapp might cock a curious eyebrow, but also regard Thun as a “good boy” who’s devoted to the temple.

In any case, this struck me particularly deeply, because I think, if P’Aof had been a little more abashed, that he could have toned this theme down – the theme of the everyday practice of Buddhism.

And he didn’t. He didn’t tone it down. He leveraged it as THE major theme of the drama: that ghosts exist in Thai-Chinese-Buddhist culture and practice, and that some people can communicate with ghosts, including both Thun and his mom. 

The ABSOLUTELY wonderful @telomeke​ affirmed this for me, writing so eloquently: “Underlying HCTM is an unshakeable belief in the spirit world, and it’s also a given … for a majority of people in SE Asia and Thailand in particular that the spiritual realm is as much a part of the everyday world as much as the physical reality of what we can see and touch.”

The reason why I’m hammering on this in particular is because it categorizes the show as one that is utterly representative of A SPECIFIC CULTURE – just like Moonlight Chicken, with its commentaries on spiritual and economic practices of the particular place of Pattaya. @telomeke​, I know you have specific feelings about the ending of HCTM, which I’ll get to in a moment, but I think for me, the ending of HCTM is deeply satisfying BECAUSE of this connection to Thai-Buddhist culture, what it says about ghosts and spirits, and how they continue to be incorporated in the ongoing life of a young Thai adult like Thun. AND, I appreciated that the ending skirted, just slightly, what we might have expected about someone losing their lover (à la Eternal Yesterday). Thun only temporarily lost Med… but Med still doesn’t quite exist. And I think there’s layers there that I’ll hopefully get to teasing out, either here or in a future post.

Going back to BL tropes and structures… I mean, HCTM was just like, yo, I’m gonna play in another ball field. I’ll have more thoughts on this after I watch Dark Blue Kiss, but at least, as far as I’m aware WITHOUT having seen DBK yet, that it’s not until late 2021 that P’Aof begins playing in the BL sandbox, takes his toy dump truck, and turns the tropes upside down in Bad Buddy.

And I see, in HCTM, P’Aof laying the groundwork for the themes that he DOES love, that I happen to love, and that get repeated in his oeuvre:

- The theme of community: the need for young and old queer individuals to interact with other queer individuals (most recently depicted in OS2/BBS/ATOTS) - The theme of NOSTALGIA: Med having never left his moment 20 years prior, listening to the same music of Thun’s mom’s generation (nostalgia being most recently depicted in Moonlight Chicken) - The parable of 1,000 stars: what it means to be the last star on which to make a wish (most recently depicted in ATOTS and OS2/ATOTS) - The anguish of coming out: Thun, Uncle Jim, Li Ming, Pran coming out to Dissaya – all heavy, all impactful, all different stories that carry heaviness and their own meaning to each of these incredible characters

And there’s so many more. But what I really want to do, to get up on the rooftops that P’Aof loves so much, and YELL TO THE AIR is:

THE GENIUS, THE SHEER GENIUS, of linking these themes – many of these as ASIAN themes! – to specific issues that face the queer community, such as coming out, and being invisible (like a ghost) in a majority cishet society. 

GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH. Oh, the pain in my heart. This is exactly what I wrote in my notes while rewatching the show: “This is the first time we get Big Cultural Themes outside of issues with the queer community – and Aof LINKS the Big Cultural Themes WITH queer issues – the brilliance of it all.” Just like he did subsequently in Moonlight Chicken.

What was so beautiful to me about He’s Coming To Me – and how it was channeled with GENIUS TALENT AND GRACE from Ohm and Singto – is that, unlike Moonlight Chicken, this was the story of one young man who needed to sort out his feelings. And there was another young man, a young man who was killed, who HAD begun realizing his feelings, but was trapped by station (from a rich family) and role (the only son in a family). Med even said, it would have been impossible for him to come out as the only son of his family.

As far as we knew, Med had only come out to Kwan, Thun’s mom, before he died. Med may have very well been attracted to other men before he died – but we see him VISCERALLY attracted to Thun, and vice versa, and that burst of first love for both young men, IN THE CONTEXT OF Thun’s spiritual practice and abilities to BRING Med to “life” in Thun’s life – I mean. I’m shaking my head. It’s a parable for manifesting what you want in your life, and making it happen. 

And yet, what HCTM also touches on, is that many times, you DON’T get what you want in life. Med WILL disappear one day. He will be reborn. It wasn’t his time at the moment of the ending, but it will be his time one day. Thun only has Med temporarily – we don’t see the WHEN of that. 

BUT. I would posit (and @telomeke​ and @wen-kexing-apologist​, I wonder what you think of this), à la OS2/Bad Buddy, that P’Aof is OKAY with us not seeing this, and not necessarily considering the ending of HCTM to be a happy ending for Thun and Med. Because he knows – and he knows that his Asian viewers know – that Med WILL leave Thun one day. Not yet, though. Thun still has a little time to grow wiser and older and stronger. But Med WILL disappear one day. He had been hinting at it all throughout every episode of the series. He will have to leave Thun’s side. 

I think the way the show ended was graceful. It leaves that door open for Med to find his rebirth, because was a good kid and deserves to be reborn in a happy life. It allows Thun time to grow through his first love – first love being such an important theme to this show. It’s COMPASSIONATE to Thun, very similar to me to the kind of compassion that P’Aof showed to Uncle Jim throughout Moonlight Chicken, and just now in OS2/ATOTS to Phupha. But it’s also rooted in the SPIRITUAL REALITY that Med WILL leave – just not yet. And P’Aof is saying, I didn’t need to show y’all, because y’all Asians already know, Med’s outta here one day. 

The other thing to note about the ending is that P’Aof had already shown a tremendous amount of Thun’s pain. Thun wasn’t necessarily HAPPY in this show. He was curious, exploring, and loyal to Med. While Thun is clearly a young man who DEMONSTRATES happiness – MY GAWD, the 19-year-old smile of Ohm Pawat!!! – I wouldn’t say that he was a happy child. He lost his dad young. He was SCARED as hell for potentially letting his mom down. And: he had a lot of secrets to keep. The secret of being gay. The secret of being able to see and talk to ghosts.

“He’s coming to me.” Thun comes out, twice. He’s gay, and can see ghosts. 

Even though others can’t see ghosts, I can. Even though others aren’t gay, I’m gay. Mom: I’m different. 

When Thun sobs for Med while holding onto the jar of stars in his bedroom. When Thun spins around, looking for Med on the rooftop in episode five. When Thun calls for Med and Med isn’t there. Thun is alone. He is alone with his secrets, and Med is not there – he is NOT coming to Thun in those moments – and Thun is left alone, different and unique, as he has been his whole life.

I’d posit that that uniqueness is particularly difficult to deal with in collectivist Asian societies as in Thailand – which led, in part, to Thun not knowing the language of his feelings as he came out to Med in episode five on the rooftop, and being SCARED, to his bones, to come out to his friends and his mom in episode six.

For 2019: I see this show as being ahead of its time, way ahead of its time. I have lots of theories as to why this show isn’t considered a more striking part of the canon of Thai BLs, and the incredible @bengiyo​ and @shortpplfedup​ have helped me to understand the magnitude of the impact that P’Aof made in breaking up the KristSingto ship to pair Singto with Ohm – and how the fan shippers came for HCTM, and pushed GMMTV to hide this show for years before finally releasing it on YouTube with subs.

But besides that fucking bullshit, which I’ll return to in a second, I also want to note that maybe – considering that we have more years now, after 2019, to consider the massive trove of Thai BLs that exist now – the skirting of the still-nascent BL tropes framework was too early for many when this show came out. As I’ve demonstrated here in this piece – this show’s complicated. There’s A LOT A LOT. I mean, I’m in love with P’Aof’s work because I LIKE HAVING A LOT in my shows. But you go a flip side and you get Together With Me and MaxTul with love bites and throaty kisses (in the words of Seinfeld, not that there’s anything wrong with that). 

HCTM is heavy. It carried a lot that wasn’t overtly sexual by nature, like many BLs at that moment in 2019 and right beforehand (randy Perth, randy MaxTul, etc.).

I understand from @bengiyo​ and @shortpplfedup​ that, because Ohm needed to move on from Make It Right and the OhmToey ship due to Toey leaving BL after MIR, and Ohm joining forces with Singto, that Ohm received massive criticism, and continues to be a subject of criticism and bullying today (some of which I’ve seen on this site). And that Singto was also the subject of online bullying as well.

With all of this in mind – Ohm, Singto, and the unique nature of HCTM – I’m continuing to mull over the issue of homophobia in shipper culture. If BLs are reduced down SIMPLY to the pairings that lead these shows – and that there’s an EXPECTATION that the shows NEED to depict certain acts of queer sexuality, SPECIFICALLY among actors who identify as straight – that seems straight up homophobic to me.

I can see HCTM being too ahead of its time to begin shifting that paradigm. I’ll see what Dark Blue Kiss does next in the Aof oeuvre from this purview, but what I want to get at is:

IT IS CRIMINAL THAT HCTM ISN’T MORE WIDELY KNOWN. This show is affecting me literally at the same level as Bad Buddy and Moonlight Chicken.

What HCTM HELD by way of Asian culture and spirituality, by the RESPECT IT HAD for the experience of first young queer love, by LEVERAGING the ABSOLUTE BRILLIANCE OF ACTING OF OHM AND SINGTO (omg, AND SINE INTHIRA, are you kidding me?!?!?), and, oh shit, by BRINGING THAT ALL TOGETHER? To TELL a story of queerness and spirituality in Thailand?

Fuck. I’m just shaking my head. If it’s too much for the shipper folk, then… okay, go off. Leave the good stuff to me and the fam that GETS IT — the fam that gets that what we’re watching is ART, and not intended vessels for fantasy and fetish.

Last notes. I just want to say that in my SOTUS reviews, that I theorized that Singto would be brilliant when paired with a really good actor, and HCTM proved it to me. If it weren’t for this fucking shipper bullshit, I would have liked to see Singto and Ohm paired again.

Ohm is probably the most prevalent actor on my Thai BL list. I get that he was nicknamed “the king of BL,” and that he’s been the target of bias for that label and his predilection for being utterly brilliant in telling queer stories (thank you to @bengiyo​ and @miscellar​ for helping to fill me in on this).

Let me just say that this man is a goddamn MASTER. @shortpplfedup​ nailed it in her Ohm appreciation post.  @absolutebl summarizes why Ohm is singular in this BL space. Shippers who want to bully the mans, bring him down or whatever, spread misinformation, I want to say, angrily and rudely – fuck off, and be afraid of talent in y’alls lives. 

With the tangle of homophobia and cyberbullying that seem to have an overstated impact on the Thai BL industry, it is a damn shame that Ohm doesn’t get more of his flowers, because he makes shows better. I mean: this guy OWNS ROOFTOPS. Episode five of HCTM?! Episode five of Bad Buddy?! Get this guy on a rooftop and he will SLAY. Pair him with people – Singto? Nanon? Perth? OHM MAKES THESE GUYS BETTER ACTORS than they ever were previously.

I say the following, in all honesty, with a touch of disdain, of condescension, and sadness, for the people who don’t watch this show because it doesn’t have pectorals or hot make-out sessions, and because it features actors that many fans might want to bully:

HCTM does not have the reputation that it deserves. It’s not just a good show. It’s an HONORABLE show. For me, it pays homage to Asian cultures and practices that I relate to. It features a story of queer revelations and love that is written with passion and respect. It features probably the best acting I’ve seen so far on my watchlist. And it features two actors who were willing to subvert expectations, at the risk of their own careers, to tell this story, as written and directed by one of of the most brilliant, subversive, experimental, and creative filmmakers I’ve ever watched in Aof Noppharnach.

I want and need BL fans to appreciate Asian culture more in these shows. And I want and need BL fans to appreciate human behavior development as well. Because P’Aof is telling stories out here, stories that can enrich our lives. I wrote in my Bad Buddy thesis that BBS will be required viewing for my children. HCTM joins that list. HCTM makes me want to be a better Asian mother, and to make a world for my children where the experience of first love and coming out can be regarded not with pain, but with celebration and joy.

[It’s going to take me a while to get over HCTM, but I’ve already begun Dark Blue Kiss, and am having a FABULOUS time with it. That opening theme! P’Aof and JOCKS! Yum. Another frappé, please.

Here’s the updated list! Much to the chagrin of everyone-I-know-on-Tumblr (I’M SORRY @shortpplfedup​), I’m adding a VERY fast rewatch of ATOTS. Blame it on Our Skyy 2. I’ll want to watch ATOTS after the cinematic affair that is ITSAY, and after I’ve seen P’Aof do his thing on two existing series in DBK/Kiss and Still 2gether. ATOTS was my very first P’Aof series, and I want to rewatch it in chronology.

Here we go. As always, I’ll take recs, comments, etc.!

1) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 2) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 3) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 4) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 5) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 6) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 7) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 8) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) 9) He’s Coming To Me (2019)  10) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (watching) 11) TharnType (2019) 12) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (I’m watching this out of order just to get familiar with OffGun before Theory of Love – will likely not review) 13) Theory of Love (2019) 14) Dew the Movie (2019) (not an official part of the OGMMTVC watchlist, but I want to watch this in chronological order with everything else) 15) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) 16) 2gether (2020) 17) Still 2gether (2020) 18) I Told Sunset About You (2020) 19) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (not a true BL, but a MaxTul queer/gay romance set within a genre-based show that likely influenced Not Me and KinnPorsche) 20) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 21) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS 22) Lovely Writer (2021) 23) I Promised You the Moon (2021) 24) Not Me (2021-2022) 25) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 26) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch 27) Secret Crush On You (2022) [watching for Cheewin’s trajectory of studying queer joy from Make It Right (high school), to SCOY (college), to Bed Friend (working adults)] 28) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here) 29) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 30) My School President (2022-2023) 31) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 32) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) (Cheewin’s latest show, depicting a queer joy journey among working adults)]

[mercy-burning]

Affection

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Spencer and Y/N decidedly hate each other. But when a near-death experience puts one of them in a coma, their mutual hatred might have to take a backseat— Or will it? Category: Angst / Happy Ending! + Humor and a lil bit of Fluff Content: Strong language, Reader is in a coma, mentions of injury, kissing Word Count: 2.6k

MASTERLIST

NOTE: This one’s for Pom’s ( @imagining-in-the-margins ) September Writing Challenge, Enemies To Lovers! I have another one coming up as well, but this idea wouldn’t get out of my head ever since I watched The Abyss with my dad and I had to get it out 😅 I hope you like it!!

———

I swear to fucking God, if this motherfucker really thinks he—

That was the last thing Y/N thought before she was knocked out cold.

With her line of work, it was natural to assume that she was thinking about the unsub, but unfortunately the criminal she and her team were tracking down was the farthest thing on her mind. Spencer would have chastised her for it— letting something else cloud her thoughts while she was in a dark alley, alone, and with a serial killer on the loose.

"You should be smarter than that!" she could hear him say in that high pitch he always carried when he was upset— especially with her. "If you don't get yourself killed one of these days, then it'll be the rest of us!"

Thinking about it made her blood boil.

"It's your fault," she wanted to tell him. "I had to blow off some steam because you were pissing me off!"

The only thing was... She couldn't tell him.

Well... She could.

He just couldn't hear her, because no one could.

It was like some stupid, cliché movie, where you found yourself standing over your dying body and having to choose whether to live or not. It seemed like the obvious choice, to fucking live, but... Y/N found herself wandering around her hospital room, yelling into the void and attempting to jump back into her own body.

Nothing was working.

And when Spencer showed up, his face red and his hair and clothes all messed up, she wanted to scream at him.

"Hey!"

Nothing. He was practically lifeless as he drifted to the chair next to her bed and sat down. It was nearly impossible to read from his expression and body language how he was feeling, and that alone was enough to make her angry again. (Not that the anger had really gone away since waking up next to her comatose body, of course.)

"Hey! Dumbass!"

Still nothing.

As Spencer just blankly stared down at Y/N's bed, she decided she'd had enough.

"SPENCER FUCKING REID, IF YOU DON'T HELP ME RIGHT NOW I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL HAUNT YOUR ASS UNTIL THE END OF ETERNITY, AND I'M GONNA LAY FAT, STINKIN' GHOST SHITS IN YOUR SHOES, DO YOU HEAR ME? AND—"

"I hate you."

It was a bold enough statement to stop Y/N in her tracks, no matter how quietly he'd mumbled it. She knew for sure that he didn't like her, after years of constant bickering and dirty glares and whatever else, but... The word 'hate' was like a knife that sliced through her joking rage and stopped the whole world around her.

If she wasn't already out of her own body, she just knew she would have felt her soul leave.

Spencer didn't hate anyone. Not that she was aware of, anyway. He found nearly everyone delightful, and vice versa... But for some reason, he hated Y/N.

She scoffed, crossing her arms. "Yeah, well... Feeling's mutual, I guess..."

"You're stupid, and reckless, and you don't think. And you're a goddamn nightmare to work with... You know what— You're a stone-cold bitch."

His words made her physically step backwards, and it felt like if she were a cartoon, there might have been steam coming out of her ears.

"Yeah, well jokes on you, you make it easy," she seethed. "Fuck you!"

"How... How dare you..." he continued, anger reddening his face.

Y/N watched as he balled his fists and leaned in a little closer to her body, his voice tight and strained. "How dare you walk into my life and boss me around and make it impossible to breathe... From the moment I met you, you've brought out this... this fire in me that I can't put out no matter how hard I try, and it's insufferable—You're insufferable, and I hate you, how dare—"

Whatever he was going to say next was cut off by a shortness of breath. Spencer breathed in, loud and choked, and the next breath he let out was nothing short of a sob. His eyes squeezed shut, tears rolling down them and his hands clutched the bedsheets with a vigor and rage that Y/N had never seen from him, even in all the years she'd spent visibly getting on his last nerves.

"N—No," she choked out, feeling her throat tighten. "Don't... Don't turn into a sappy mess on me now, do you hear me, Reid? You hate me, don't... Don't..."

"I don't hate you," he whispered, wiping his eyes and reaching out to grab her lifeless hand. "I hate that you make me feel this way, but... I could never hate you..."

She wanted nothing more than to be able to squeeze his hand back, to tell him, not even necessarily with words but with a simple gesture, that she was right there and wasn't going to go anywhere.

She just... had to figure out how to make that true.

Still, Spencer kept going, a small laugh bubbling up through tears and phlegm. "But I will hate you if you die, because I just know you're gonna come back and haunt me for eternity... Probably... shit in my shoes or something."

Y/N barked a laugh that was true and pure... Happy, even.

The genius may have acted like he hated her, but it turns out he knew her pretty well, perhaps even fondly in one way or another.

To think— All those years she spent seeing him sneer at her, feeling his glare burn into her soul, the amount of times she caught him making faces or inappropriate gestures behind her back, all of it... And the whole time, he was probably doing it with a little flicker of fondness deep within the confines of his heart, which he swore to fill with nothing but hatred for her.

The thought made the little flicker in her own heart burn brighter.

As she wandered closer to her bed, beside Spencer and in front of her own body, she reached her hand out to see if she could touch his face, to give him something...

Even though she had no luck, something shifted when he spoke.

"Just... Come back to me, please? I know I'm not good at apologizing, but if it means I get you back... I swear that I will make up every horrible thing I've ever done or said to you. Just... Please don't leave me."

He laid his head down in his hands and tried not to cry again, every said horrible thing replaying on a loop in his brain like some kind of taunt. He wished more than anything for a chance to make it up to Y/N, and now he might not ever be able to.

"You think I'd leave this mortal earth without getting the chance to kick your ass?"

Everything was so fuzzy and light and brimming with these high emotions that Y/N almost didn't realize she was saying these words and Spencer was hearing them. She almost didn't feel the warmth of her bloodstream beneath layers of skin, the beat of her heart slowly coming back to life at the sounds and smells of the hospital room.

She almost didn't realize that Spencer was grabbing her now, his warm hands covering her cold ones and bringing them back to life as well.

"Screw you," he breathed with absolutely no malice to be detected in his voice.

They shared a smile so bright, no one would have been able to guess that they never got along.

TWO WEEKS LATER

Not only was she stuck at home doing nothing while on suspension (Yes, it turns out that storming off into an alley and not paying attention while on the job, just because a co-worker pissed you off, can get you suspended by Chief Strauss), but Y/N was also being visited by a daily rotation of her co-workers and friends and family, and her house was nearly covered in flower bouquets and baked goods.

It was a nightmare.

The sentiment was nice, sure, but if she had to move one more vase, she was going to start throwing them.

God, maybe Spencer was right, I am a stone-cold bitch...

Thinking of him also put a little damper on her mood.

He hadn't been to visit her once... And she figured that after their nice little moment at the hospital, he'd at least stop by with flowers or an "I'm glad you're not dead!" call, but there was nothing on his end. Not even a text message or a letter.

But for all she knew, their small moment of kindness could have been a figment of her concussed imagination.

Please, she thought, if I brought it up to him he'd probably just laugh in my face.

Rather than a laugh, Y/N heard the bright sound of her doorbell, which normally would have meant a fun unexpected visit or a date she was getting ready for, but by now it only meant another vase of flowers or a pie from a neighbor she still didn't remember the last name to.

Either way, she answered the door with as polite a smile as she could muster, and instead of finding a vaguely familiar neighbor or acquaintance, she found Spencer.

Though, to be fair, he was holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Well, this is a surprise," Y/N drawled, crossing her arms. "I don't even think you've ever been to my house."

She was surprised to see him nervous around her, rather than irritated. And she would have found it endearing had they not been practically mortal enemies from the moment they met... She was suspicious.

"O—Oh, yeah... I know, I just thought... I wanted to come see how you were doing... These are for you."

He held out the flowers, which were truthfully the pretties set she'd received, and it irked her. Because of course he of all people would be the one to tell which kinds of flowers she'd prefer.

"Thanks," she said, taking them from him and allowing him the space to come inside. "Watch out, it's a maze in here..."

While she looked for somewhere to put the flowers on display, she could feel Spencer looking around her space, probably profiling what he could behind a sea of flowers.

"Hm."

Y/N sighed. "What?"

"Nothing. I'm just... I'm surprised this many people actually like you."

Despite the nature of his observation, she found it comforting. That level of playful contempt was what she was used to, and it brought a sparkle to her eye as she turned to face him. "Ha... I'm not a complete bitch, you know."

"Sure."

Between the growing grin on his face and the smirk forming on her own, Spencer and Y/N found themselves falling back into a familiar rhythm. And yet, something about it was still... different.

So much so that Y/N felt honest-to-God butterflies in her stomach when he approached, hands retreating from his pockets and head tilting off to the side. His expression held that look he got when he was trying to figure someone out, usually an unsub. She hated to admit it to herself, but a little part of her always found that side of him extremely attractive.

And now that it was right in front of her?

She didn't know what to make of it.

"What?" she snapped, looking for an excuse to hide any and all attraction she was feeling.

Spencer stepped back a little, breaking away from whatever trance he'd just been in. "God, why do you always have to do that?"

"Do what?"

"You push away every single show of affection! Any time I'm trying to be nice, you just act like it's some big inconvenience to you!"

Y/N laughed. "Ha! That's what that was? Just now? When you insulted me, and then started stalking towards me with that look you get when you're interrogating an unsub? That's what you call affection?"

"That's not... That's not what that was!"

"Oh really? Then what was it?"

"It was part of the routine! Banter! Y—You know, that's our thing! We insult each other, and we act like we hate each other but we... We don't, really..."

The longer he went on, the faster her heart raced. This was the moment in the movie where he inevitably blurted out that he loved her, and in turn she would either kiss him or slap him, or slap him and then kiss him...

But Y/N was still feeling rather playful despite the swarm of butterflies in her stomach begging for some relief.

"Oh?" she prompted, taking a slow step closer to him. "We don't?"

Spencer seemed to get red immediately, and he avoided her eyes. "U—Uh... Well I... I thought... Maybe I read it all wrong, a—and I'm sorry if I did..."

She'd been getting closer meanwhile, and now they were practically toe-to-toe. He did his best to ignore her, taking a few steps back until she cornered him against the front door. And with the way he wasn't doing anything to get out of his predicament, she took that as his acceptance and took another leap.

"What..." she cooed, crawling her fingers up the front of his chest like a spider. "You like me? Hmm?"

When he finally looked down at her, she allowed herself to smile, albeit slowly and with calculation.

In a flash Spencer went from nervous to fed-up, weight seeming to visibly lift from his chest as he sank against the door. "You're messing with me..."

"It's so fun."

"You know what, screw you."

"Is that a promise?"

"Maybe it is. What are you gonna do ab—"

She didn't let him finish.

In an instant, Y/N lunged forward and pulled him down for a kiss.

Even though she thought he might have tried to take control of the situation, he ended up surprising her with a wanton moan as his hands clutched at her sides, holding on for dear life. Their bodies and tongues collided in a mess of years worth of pent-up tension, chaotic and wild and fiercely beautiful in a way that put even the greatest first kisses to shame.

And of course, Spencer had to go and ruin it.

He pushed her away and looked almost panicked. "W—Wait, are you even cleared to do this?"

Y/N rolled her eyes, reaching out for him again. "I'm fine."

"Y/N, you were in the hospital! I thought... I thought you were..."

She appreciated the sentiment, but with her entire body on fire from his touch, she decided she needed more of it. "Yeah, but I'm not... I'm very much alive, and you know what?"

He blinked back at her, watching carefully as she leaned in close to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"It's because of you. You make me feel... more alive than I've ever been."

"And... You're not messing with me this time?"

With a laugh,  Y/N shook her head and leaned up to brush her nose with his. "Nuh-uh... But if you'd like to, I'd love to mess with you in a more fun way. And maybe I'll even let you do it back..."

Spencer hummed, feeling himself gravitate towards her more with every passing second. "Deal."

He barely got the word out all the way before she was dragging him through the maze of flora and contained food and into her bedroom, where piece by piece, their hatred and fondness for one another combined to create the most exquisite of nights.

———

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