#those make me want to kms
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if any mutuals want to join a discord server, send me a dm or reply to this post 🤍
#sabs posts!#it's still a wip but i wanted a way to chat that's NOT through tumblr dms#those make me want to kms#bc why does it make me send messages in the middle of me typing them.....#anyways. good night ppl#it's midnight and sabrina is sleepy zzz
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the only downside of my personal art and self portraits being semi well received (thank u by the way) is that on occasion some wah wah transphobe blog will get ahold of it and sing my praises of Wombmanhood and Femininity. which is so fucking funny, because terfs harassed me relentlessly about the fact that I pursued a breast reduction (butchering my body, reducing my femininity, being brainwashed, and so on) only to sing praises to my current body as The Natural Female Form. very, very funny. I normally do portraits of my body, for the extremely, *extremely* obvious reasons, which include but are not limited to: I have infinite reference images of my own body. but I think I would like to expand, in the future
#the thing is that for this art style I really do need to work from life.#I think some life drawing would be good for me (IN GENERAL) but sometimes people ask me about commissioning a floral portrait#of themselves in the same style that I draw my own body. and I think I want to make some openings for a few of those when I have time#(I don't. kms)#but I've looked around and 67% of my returning audience is trans. (hey what's up.) and I think for people who sign off on me posting#their commissioned pieces it would be good to change up the kind of art I post#once in awhile. like people are surprisingly down to offer reference images of their literal body#which I'm always surprised by and sometimes has their watermark on it from their Business (you are stronger than I)#sergle.txt
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hghhhhh... sometimes being transmasc is so alienating. i see all those posts about forcefemming the entire planet or how the world would be better if everyone was a girl and it kind of hurts. i get that people are just making jokes they find funny and im not mad at them or anything, but it kind of feels like they're telling transmascs and other non-women that it'd be cooler if they detransitioned. idk it might be a me problem but ive seen far too many people get mad at transmen for being men to not feel the sting anyway. i like being a man! there's just a lot of pressure out there to... not be one. and that sucks.
#transmasc#vent#im not calling it transandrophobia because i know people making those jokes arent directing it at transmascs im just venting my own thoughts#i have the forcefem keyword blocked but stuff still keeps getting through. makes my dysphoria worse.#yeah haha youre so right person saying the world would be better without men! i should kms!#because id rather die than detransition which it seems like you want me to do!#sigh. i wish i didnt feel like i was betraying women by not wanting to be one.
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*picks you up and dips u in a vat of acid*
#south park#sp#pip pirrup#pip pirrip#damien thorn#dip#sp dip#dip is one of those sjips that i only enjoy if its outside of the canon . show if that makes sense#cuz otherwise like they were only in one episode 2gether and damien like. hated him#but *thinks about them anyways*#i mean as in. i only like it in rlly specific circumstances otheriwse id be indifferent toward it#these all mainly came about cuz im writing a damien and pip friendship fic thing#cuz id like to explore their dynamic actually (and also I WANT PIP TO BE HAPPY)#anyways i rewatched 'Damien' (the episode) so i could characterize him right and like honestly thats gotta be my fav episode in s1#its fuckin hilarious#also DAMIEN MADE A CAMEO IN A LATER EOISODE AS LIKE A LITTLE EASTER EGG. HE WAS ON SUPER NANNY. LIEK THE TV SHOW#KM CRYING ITS FUCKING AMAZING#i love damien like ppl characterize him as being pissed off all the time and while yea technically true#he feels a lot more. immature to me#hes literally like an angsty little kid and the onyl reason he set pip on fire was to impress the 'cool kids' one might say#cuz hes weird and no one liked him#but i like him.#his weirdness is captivating#damien meeting the lame loser kid that he doesnt like and befriending him cuz they actually have a lot in common#(and damien is very very lonely)#also pip deserves a good cry honest to god#i want. him to be happy. nyow#i want damien 2 be happy too tbh#potatart
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What do you even do in an office. That sounds so fake. Every office worker is so stressed out and for what. You sit down all the time and go the bathroom whenever...although I will say that if I had to wear women's business casual for the rest of my career it would make me murderous so maybe I do understand
#i think that part of that job for most women is performing femininity and that would make me want to kms#it's always so cold in those places too
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lads i'm happy to announce i have quit quitting 💪#ilovecigarettes
#not happy at all but it is what it is#the cravings weren't even bad but the depression......i'll try again tho just better prepared cause that was. bad#i've done it before but it didn't make me want to kms for no reason those times 💀💀💀#ben.txt
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personne va te toucher Jules
#Jules kounde#Jules koundé#idk if those tags are the same or not lol#enzo fernandez#anyway.#feels unfortunately he’s replying to any of this bc it implies he’s seen the replies which are all horrific tbf#peopl are still beefing with him in the quotes and replies but I mean that’s just par for the course tbf#I’m glad he’s advocating for himself against misinformation and slanderous narratives#like that whole story abt his mum is soooo silly#the quotes just full of personne va te touched Jules is soooooo#making me feel a little French pride guys I can’t believe this 🥲🥲#PERSONNE va te toucher Jules ‼️#basically thé french qrts make me feel warm and fuzzy the Spanish ones make me want to kms#and unfortunately I can speak both languages#France nt#Argentina nt
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#feel free to make your case in the replies btw#also keep in mind i’m coming out of a month long hyperfixation on the social network and relatedly very little reading. 😐#shamsisms#OH SHIT EDIT. i can’t edit the poll but also the way of kings by brandon sanderson and how long til black future month by nk jemisin#so tell me if you want to vote for those#ALSO I MISSPELLED TONI MORRISONS NAME??? KMS. oops.
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im being consumed by the fucking dread
#im a useless failure who cant even do simple fucking classwork im never gonna amount to#anything in life ive never actually planned a future bcs ive never thought id make it far enough#and honestly i still dont and even if i do pass n graduate highschool what do i do then?#go to uni get a job what is even the point either of those would destroy me#mentally n physically#im just not built to be a person. not built to last#i wanna cry#i dont. want to kms but i dont exactly wanna wake up tmr...#personal#vent#do not reblog#replies ok
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........but what if tho...?
level of insanity increasing.......
but wHAT IF tho?????
#sanity slowly slipping away#jfc those prices tho and thats BEFORE SHIPPING kms#ughhhhh i dont think i can do it#trying to bargain with myself#'but if i order them with magazines the price of shipping per item will be lower!!!!'#ive been waiting to buy my keito magazines bc the site i want to buy them from still doesnt have tv dan 51 and its making me so MAD#but maybe i could just buy them from this site instead hmmmmm.......?????#i can actually feel my brain melting i have to stop looking at these#i think it would literally be like 45 usd for one keiruchan the world is so cruel......#i make adult money and am irresponsible but nOT THAT MUCH#one day keiruchan......one day........#(lying in a pool of tears stroking photo of keiruchan)#cri#fantastics from exile tribe
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Don't make callouts don't make callouts it's not worth your sanity don't fucking do it don't make callouts don't make callouts--
#saw a post with a terf i blocked again on my dash#no one's fault though#as much as i wanna see that terf get their comeuppance i'd rather dm those who want the name than make a public callout#last time i did it i was told to kms and someone who i was mutuals with blocked me over it#wow vents#vent
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There’s been something building up in my chest and mind for a while now
It’s an odd feeling
#idk what it is but it’s been hurting a lot these past months and it keeps growing#it feels both like a huge hole in me and something so so so so full of emotions about to burst at the same time#i cant cry at all either nothing comes out so im left with this buildup of things inside that eat me up and make me want to#try things i shouldnt do in an attempt to be able to release some pressure. idk what it is. idk why it’s been getting so bad lately its just#my chest keeps feeling tighter and tighter and in a way i’m just like ‘well i hope my heart stops soon’#oh well it is what it is i’ll just see how many more weeks or months it can take i’ll keep u updated on when i have a full blown mental#breakdown where a year of negative emotions just come out 👍🏻 or maybe not depends on how it goes#oh i didnt mean to write so much heres a boring doodle from yesterday or a 2 days ago i think?#txt#was feelin blue for some reason#im hoping that the mental health will get the kind of bad where i make a lot of sad emo pieces in an attempt to not kms#those are my best works
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job searching is actually insane. What do you mean the only jobs I'm qualified to do in my area is prompt writing for generative AI, and working with that bullshit?
#I really need to move but i can't afford to do that#and i may have to move back in with my parents which i guess is fine since my brother is getting married and moving out soon#but it also sucks because i know where they live won't be too much better just more options in the customer service realm#and those jobs make me want to kms#my mom keeps saying i should go back to school and get a degree in something that i can actually find a job in but idk what that'd even be?
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I swear to fucking god, if they don't hire some new employees soon, and if that one coworker doesn't come back to help out already, I will lose my fucking mind.
#I keep getting full time shifts despite literally officially working PART time#and they're not even paying me accordingly#Just the usual part time amount. while giving me full time shifts.#I didn't even get paid accordingly for covering all those shifts for that one employee who refused to come anymore#due to being so down in the dumps about her fucking boyfriend drama and ultimately quitting because of it#And then there's a bunch of other shit that annoys me#and while none of this is So annoying that it makes me want to kms like my previous job-#I don't think I'm coming back for a second season once my contract expires#At least I'll finally have some proper job experience to put on my resumé. One (1) decent thing will be on there at least.#I hope when this is over I can manage to get a job at the writing and art supply store near the store I work at rn lol#Or a bookstore#Idc where just quiet and not too far away from wherr I live#v3nt
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im well aware that its profoundly cringe to admit to this publicly, alright, but sometimes i just stop to think and realize.. literally my entire life would be radically different if i hadnt been into homestuck when i was 14. like, i would not have had some of the fundamentally important relationships that shaped the way my teen years and young adulthood went. and due to this i would not be living in this home. i would not have the same friends today. i would have been in very different social circles and mightve evolved very differently as a person. i literally might not be alive - i have had my life quite literally saved by friends who i met or bonded with through being into this shitty comic, and by literally i mean was physically prevented from dying last minute. like thats crazy?? and all over homestuck????
#97#i need to meet the version of me who lives in a dimension where i never read homestuck lol#cause thatd be fascinating to see#homestuck tw#(jic)#hmm yeah this was not meant to be rbed. gonna turn that off rq..#this is yet another one of those posts i dont want ppl reblogging bc im talking abt trying to kms haha. like thats what i was talking about#how is it every single time i make a post abt that stuff and dont set it to non rebloggable it ends up on somebodys blog lol#other butterfly effect stuff i thought of:#if i hadnt gotten particularly close w two friends one of whom i met thru homestuck and both of whom i bonded w over it#i mightve stuck closer to other friends i had at the time w whom i did a lot of drinking and smoking at 14#and considering my proclivities and mental illness i mightve had a serious addiction early on#i also mightve never gone to art school if i hadnt been v encouraged to pursue art by spending years doing hs fanart#mightve not come out as trans when i did if i didnt have the online support of trans people many of whom i met thru hs#and the irl support of ppl i also met thru hs who came out as trans bc i did#would have not been in relationships w some people ive dated#and bc of such major things that came out of me being into that dumb comic every other little thing wouldve been different too#the me from a non-hs timeline is likely unrecognizable to me!
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I know it's because I'm single and bitter. But I swear to fucking god if my roommate and his boyfriend don't stop talking about the messages they get on Grindr I might fucking explode.
#genuinely I am becoming full of violence and vile hate. hate. let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since i began to live- /ref#seriously though SHUT THE FUCK UP!! PLEASE!!!! IM FUCKING BEGGING YOU#*shaking them violently while letting out a strangled scream*#if any of you suggest I just get on there/any dating apps as well you will be tossed into the pit of ire these fucking two are in btw.#i don't feel comfortable with or trust dating apps. and the messages they fucking talk about do not help with those feelings 😐#anyway I love having my boundaries and room rules completely ignored on the daily ✌️/s#it definitely does not make me want to kms!! /s#(im not going to do anything pls dont worry friends who follow me here I'm just being Dramatic. it does kinda make me feel like that though+#+genuinely. like i wish it didnt but most sources of inconvenience or discomfort make me feel like that these days.)#(psych appointment in august though!! [@ myself ->] Get Well Soon Bitch!)#txt
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