#those make me want to kms
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if any mutuals want to join a discord server, send me a dm or reply to this post 🤍
#sabs posts!#it's still a wip but i wanted a way to chat that's NOT through tumblr dms#those make me want to kms#bc why does it make me send messages in the middle of me typing them.....#anyways. good night ppl#it's midnight and sabrina is sleepy zzz
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the only downside of my personal art and self portraits being semi well received (thank u by the way) is that on occasion some wah wah transphobe blog will get ahold of it and sing my praises of Wombmanhood and Femininity. which is so fucking funny, because terfs harassed me relentlessly about the fact that I pursued a breast reduction (butchering my body, reducing my femininity, being brainwashed, and so on) only to sing praises to my current body as The Natural Female Form. very, very funny. I normally do portraits of my body, for the extremely, *extremely* obvious reasons, which include but are not limited to: I have infinite reference images of my own body. but I think I would like to expand, in the future
#the thing is that for this art style I really do need to work from life.#I think some life drawing would be good for me (IN GENERAL) but sometimes people ask me about commissioning a floral portrait#of themselves in the same style that I draw my own body. and I think I want to make some openings for a few of those when I have time#(I don't. kms)#but I've looked around and 67% of my returning audience is trans. (hey what's up.) and I think for people who sign off on me posting#their commissioned pieces it would be good to change up the kind of art I post#once in awhile. like people are surprisingly down to offer reference images of their literal body#which I'm always surprised by and sometimes has their watermark on it from their Business (you are stronger than I)#sergle.txt
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*picks you up and dips u in a vat of acid*
#south park#sp#pip pirrup#pip pirrip#damien thorn#dip#sp dip#dip is one of those sjips that i only enjoy if its outside of the canon . show if that makes sense#cuz otherwise like they were only in one episode 2gether and damien like. hated him#but *thinks about them anyways*#i mean as in. i only like it in rlly specific circumstances otheriwse id be indifferent toward it#these all mainly came about cuz im writing a damien and pip friendship fic thing#cuz id like to explore their dynamic actually (and also I WANT PIP TO BE HAPPY)#anyways i rewatched 'Damien' (the episode) so i could characterize him right and like honestly thats gotta be my fav episode in s1#its fuckin hilarious#also DAMIEN MADE A CAMEO IN A LATER EOISODE AS LIKE A LITTLE EASTER EGG. HE WAS ON SUPER NANNY. LIEK THE TV SHOW#KM CRYING ITS FUCKING AMAZING#i love damien like ppl characterize him as being pissed off all the time and while yea technically true#he feels a lot more. immature to me#hes literally like an angsty little kid and the onyl reason he set pip on fire was to impress the 'cool kids' one might say#cuz hes weird and no one liked him#but i like him.#his weirdness is captivating#damien meeting the lame loser kid that he doesnt like and befriending him cuz they actually have a lot in common#(and damien is very very lonely)#also pip deserves a good cry honest to god#i want. him to be happy. nyow#i want damien 2 be happy too tbh#potatart
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What do you even do in an office. That sounds so fake. Every office worker is so stressed out and for what. You sit down all the time and go the bathroom whenever...although I will say that if I had to wear women's business casual for the rest of my career it would make me murderous so maybe I do understand
#i think that part of that job for most women is performing femininity and that would make me want to kms#it's always so cold in those places too
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personne va te toucher Jules
#Jules kounde#Jules koundé#idk if those tags are the same or not lol#enzo fernandez#anyway.#feels unfortunately he’s replying to any of this bc it implies he’s seen the replies which are all horrific tbf#peopl are still beefing with him in the quotes and replies but I mean that’s just par for the course tbf#I’m glad he’s advocating for himself against misinformation and slanderous narratives#like that whole story abt his mum is soooo silly#the quotes just full of personne va te touched Jules is soooooo#making me feel a little French pride guys I can’t believe this 🥲🥲#PERSONNE va te toucher Jules ‼️#basically thé french qrts make me feel warm and fuzzy the Spanish ones make me want to kms#and unfortunately I can speak both languages#France nt#Argentina nt
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I know this is 100% my personal problem and idk if anyone can relate but as an afab person with some weird gender shit going on I kinda hate it whenever dnp make jokes like "you know us we don't like pussy/tits" etc like 😭 I love that they have fully healed from the comphet "fyi I like vagina" era but I hate being made to feel like a Woman™ because of my anatomy if that makes sense. Like my brain interprets it as "we don't like those traits because they make you a woman and we're gay" idk it gives me like a weird wave of dysphoria every time they say it 😭😭 the first time I watched BIG I interpreted Dan's monologue about "I don't care what kind of anatomy you've got going on, I don't feel attracted to the signs on bathroom doors" as being like trans inclusive but I fear he's walked it back with these constant jokes dsdfghjkl and to be clear I'm not saying anyone is obligated to find me or my body type attractive like that's not what this is about. It's just the equation of genitals/anatomy with gender idk. And this is not even really something that's specific to dnp and I know there's a lot of discourse about genital preferences or whatever idk idk maybe I should've just sent this to phannieconfessions and allowed everyone to take it in the worst possible faith over there. I just need to get it off my chest
#im still trying to figure out if i should book an appointment with a gender specialist#i do have a gender dysphoria diagnosis on my file#but one of the things that's held me back from wanting to try T or whatever for such a long time is this fear of not passing#or of like not fitting into anyone's ideal of gender#like if i were to go on T and start presenting more masc. would that even make me feel better#if i still had to constantly listen to people saying “yeah but you're still a woman tho bc you don't have a dick sorry :)”#i know they're just joking but people on here certainly seem to take those jokes very seriously idk and I'm starting to take it to heart#as well i guess#i need to get back in the fucking gym im so skinny rn and it's making me feel even worse#I've been having trouble eating lately and I've lost a few kg. my arms are so skinny i fucking hate it here#sorry I'm relistening to the stereos and dan made a “we don't like slits” joke + i got like 3 hours of sleep bc i woke up with a migraine#and I'm losing it a bit idk#turning reblogs off because i know this is the piss on the poor website and ppl will decide to interpret this as#“im gonna kms unless dan and phil tell me they wanna fuck me” dssdghhfdjkljhjll 😭😭😭
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cho yeong's last memory as mudeok is stabbing the person she loved, the first person who loved her and looking at her hands in devastating realization that killing is all she can do — and jang uk made sure in his last breath to hold her bloodied hand to say it's okay and she could never truly hurt him and i love you
#knowing this and how she wanted to run from him after regaining her memories i wanna kms#and he spent those miserable 3 years making sure no one dirtied her name#this show has ruined me#im so serious all i do is think about them#alchemy of souls#ukyeong#cho yeong#jang uk#naksu#otp: soulmates#lee jaewook#go younjung#mudeok#kdrama
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#feel free to make your case in the replies btw#also keep in mind i’m coming out of a month long hyperfixation on the social network and relatedly very little reading. 😐#shamsisms#OH SHIT EDIT. i can’t edit the poll but also the way of kings by brandon sanderson and how long til black future month by nk jemisin#so tell me if you want to vote for those#ALSO I MISSPELLED TONI MORRISONS NAME??? KMS. oops.
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im being consumed by the fucking dread
#im a useless failure who cant even do simple fucking classwork im never gonna amount to#anything in life ive never actually planned a future bcs ive never thought id make it far enough#and honestly i still dont and even if i do pass n graduate highschool what do i do then?#go to uni get a job what is even the point either of those would destroy me#mentally n physically#im just not built to be a person. not built to last#i wanna cry#i dont. want to kms but i dont exactly wanna wake up tmr...#personal#vent#do not reblog#replies ok
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........but what if tho...?
level of insanity increasing.......
but wHAT IF tho?????
#sanity slowly slipping away#jfc those prices tho and thats BEFORE SHIPPING kms#ughhhhh i dont think i can do it#trying to bargain with myself#'but if i order them with magazines the price of shipping per item will be lower!!!!'#ive been waiting to buy my keito magazines bc the site i want to buy them from still doesnt have tv dan 51 and its making me so MAD#but maybe i could just buy them from this site instead hmmmmm.......?????#i can actually feel my brain melting i have to stop looking at these#i think it would literally be like 45 usd for one keiruchan the world is so cruel......#i make adult money and am irresponsible but nOT THAT MUCH#one day keiruchan......one day........#(lying in a pool of tears stroking photo of keiruchan)#cri#fantastics from exile tribe
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Don't make callouts don't make callouts it's not worth your sanity don't fucking do it don't make callouts don't make callouts--
#saw a post with a terf i blocked again on my dash#no one's fault though#as much as i wanna see that terf get their comeuppance i'd rather dm those who want the name than make a public callout#last time i did it i was told to kms and someone who i was mutuals with blocked me over it#wow vents#vent
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night 2 of having a breakdown maybe if i bite him ill feel better
#txt#or he could bite me with those chompers#basically i think any kind of chuumika biting would fix me and make me not want to kms violently#♡ ☄️
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my mom just told me im, quote, throwing a tantrum. i am almost 20 years old
#how dare i disobey and disrespect her like that (didnt like the pants shes trying to force me to wear)#we went shopping for clothes earlier today and i cried and contemplated suicide in the changing room it was really fun#we have hit another roadblock in the How To Dress For A Formal Party saga: she accepted me going without makeup but is now#forcing me to wear shit from the womens section. pants and buttoned shirts yes but those still make me want to kms#i was kind of hoping for a (male) suit. but oh well. ill accept this if i can at least wear pants that dont make me want to die#apparently thats ''having an attitude'' so i might just not go. <3
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There’s been something building up in my chest and mind for a while now
It’s an odd feeling
#idk what it is but it’s been hurting a lot these past months and it keeps growing#it feels both like a huge hole in me and something so so so so full of emotions about to burst at the same time#i cant cry at all either nothing comes out so im left with this buildup of things inside that eat me up and make me want to#try things i shouldnt do in an attempt to be able to release some pressure. idk what it is. idk why it’s been getting so bad lately its just#my chest keeps feeling tighter and tighter and in a way i’m just like ‘well i hope my heart stops soon’#oh well it is what it is i’ll just see how many more weeks or months it can take i’ll keep u updated on when i have a full blown mental#breakdown where a year of negative emotions just come out 👍🏻 or maybe not depends on how it goes#oh i didnt mean to write so much heres a boring doodle from yesterday or a 2 days ago i think?#txt#was feelin blue for some reason#im hoping that the mental health will get the kind of bad where i make a lot of sad emo pieces in an attempt to not kms#those are my best works
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job searching is actually insane. What do you mean the only jobs I'm qualified to do in my area is prompt writing for generative AI, and working with that bullshit?
#I really need to move but i can't afford to do that#and i may have to move back in with my parents which i guess is fine since my brother is getting married and moving out soon#but it also sucks because i know where they live won't be too much better just more options in the customer service realm#and those jobs make me want to kms#my mom keeps saying i should go back to school and get a degree in something that i can actually find a job in but idk what that'd even be?
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I swear to fucking god, if they don't hire some new employees soon, and if that one coworker doesn't come back to help out already, I will lose my fucking mind.
#I keep getting full time shifts despite literally officially working PART time#and they're not even paying me accordingly#Just the usual part time amount. while giving me full time shifts.#I didn't even get paid accordingly for covering all those shifts for that one employee who refused to come anymore#due to being so down in the dumps about her fucking boyfriend drama and ultimately quitting because of it#And then there's a bunch of other shit that annoys me#and while none of this is So annoying that it makes me want to kms like my previous job-#I don't think I'm coming back for a second season once my contract expires#At least I'll finally have some proper job experience to put on my resumé. One (1) decent thing will be on there at least.#I hope when this is over I can manage to get a job at the writing and art supply store near the store I work at rn lol#Or a bookstore#Idc where just quiet and not too far away from wherr I live#v3nt
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