#those are my severely traumatized kids!

[quadrantadvisor]

The Last Time Valerie and Phantom Called a Truce, mostly notes with some prose, 2,302 words

Not many people visited the GIW building at the outskirts of town. Residents of Amity Park were vaguely unsettled, that a government facility could appear in their little corner of Illinois seemingly overnight, but it was out of the way, unobtrusive to the town, and arguably, mostly, hopefully, harmless. So it was unlikely that, on that particular night, anyone would have been outside the building, watching the goings on that occurred. If anyone had been, however, they would have seen something exceedingly strange. The building lit up, red and green alarms blaring, but its automatic ghost shield never activating. Behind the tinted windows (what kind of building has tinted windows?) the vague forms of agents could be seen scurrying from place to place, not with their usual posture and air of dignity, but crouched low, panic clear in the motions. Suddenly, one of the windows would shatter, glass bursting outwards in the wake of several shots of pink plasma, followed by a familiar figure. One of Amity's local ghost hunters, clad in red, would shoot out of the window, hoverboard whistling at the speed. The absolute strangest thing, the thing that no passerby would be quite able to reconcile with what they thought they knew of Amity's ghost and hunter populations, and their relations to each other, would be the figure in her arms. Black and white and green, green smearing the sky, trailing her hoverboard, staining the front of her suit with its toxic, glowing aura. The Red Huntress, seemingly rescuing Phantom from the GIW's facility? Valerie herself was having trouble believing it.

More under the cut:

Sure, for the last few months she was more likely to fight with Phantom than against him. They had an understanding, of sorts, that outside threats needed to be dealt with first. Valerie couldn't claim to understand Phantom and his motivations more than she did any other ghost, but she could acknowledge, now, that, whatever his reasons, he really did want to keep violent ghosts out of Amity. Only a stupid hunter would be willing to give up an asset during a fight, and Valerie wasn't stupid (unlike, say, the Fentons). More often than not, Phantom would end up trapping the rampaging spirit in his stolen Fenton tech. Sometimes Valerie would tell herself that it would be stupid to end up releasing the ghost after all of that work, so she'd let him fly off to- to do whatever it was that he did with the ghosts that he caught. Sometimes, he would make some dumb quip at her, and she'd blast at him, and he'd laugh before hightailing away (seemingly at higher speeds all the time,) and she'd track him on her scanner until he mysteriously disappeared. Recently, her shots tended to go wide. It seemed somehow uncool to shoot a guy directly after trusting him to watch her back, even if he was already dead. Though, she couldn't afford to let him think she was going soft, either.

-valerie breaks phantom out from giw

-phantom: hi

-valerie: hi

-Phantom is just trying to figure out if being dissected is still on the schedule for the day and Valerie is feeling vaguely sick at the insinuation that she'd be involved in that

-He is loosing so much ectoplasm and she's like hey are you gonna be like, okay? Do you need anything????? And he's like "you got a first aid kit?"

-she does in fact have a first aid kit and fuck it it's not like phantom doesn't know who she is so she takes him to her house

-they fly in through the window

-they get the top half of his suit off (Valerie probably had to do it, and she hadn't even thought that the suit could separate from his body, let alone that it would have a zipper) and anyways he has an extremely human like torso with extremely human like musculature which is all basically on display because of the very corpse like y-cut he's sporting)

-danny's like well that doesn't look great, you've got sterile thread right? I definitely have to stitch this. And she's arguing with him because obviously he can't do it, he can barely move his arms!

-and then her dad calls out, phantom fucking FREEZES, she's never really seen him scared like this, he's always more of a fight or flight guy but she realizes that this time he can't, he hadn't looked at all scared when he'd been asking her if she was taking him somewhere to be cut open in a lab but she tells him "don't worry it's just my dad" and he looks at her like that's /worse/

-(Danny has parental trauma is all I'm getting at like the idea of someone his parents have worked with before bringing him to them is fucking horrifying in a way that being dissected by the government isn't)

-Meanwhile Val is like "hi Daddy good thing you're here you're better at stitches than I am"

-Damon has to just. Take this in for a second.

-(how does Valerie's dad talk) "good lord kid! Valerie, get the antiseptic"

-they get to work on him, mostly Damon with val as assistant, handing him things etc. Danny is in a lot of pain and he's trying not to freak out but he finally asks "you're not going to tell the Fentons about this, are you?"

-Damon (sharply): did the Fentons do this to you?

-Danny just flinches

-Val: it was the GIW

-damon: so what do the Fentons have to do with this?

-danny: you've, uh, you've worked with them before, is all?

-val: you've never seemed scared of the Fentons before?

-danny: yeah, when I was flying under my own power. I'm pretty difficult to catch, but they have made some... /creative/ threats about what they'll do if they ever get me in their lab.

-val: *gestures to all of him*

-danny: the GIW are a depersonalized government agency. They don't care that much about what goes on in this town, most of them are just collecting a paycheck. The Fentons /hate/ me.

-this is a sobering thought and an upsetting reaction for him to have had directly after being cut open. He's thinking about what would be /worse/.

-Damon: you'll be safe here. You just rest up.

-he has not directly addressed the question.

-phantom just nods and closes his eyes.

-outside of the room Damon is like: Valerie did you break into a government compound

-val (winces): maybe?

-damon: *sighs* I'm so glad your identity is still mostly secret. I've got half a mind to make you stop going out at all! What if those government wack jobs try to arrest you! Or /attack/ you! You said your new suit has an ectosignature, didn't you? They could claim you're a ghost!

-this has never occurred to Valerie before. Sudden flash of Phantom, strapped to an operating table, all but gutted, but this time the blood is red, it's hers.

-Damon: *hands on her shoulders* I don't mean to scare you, honey, you've been through a lot today. And I know that this was a big step for you.

-val: what do you mean?

-damon: ...clearly you and phantom haven't really been... enemies for a while now. I've seen you two on the news, you fight really well together. But I know that letting him help you fight other ghosts and actually doing something incredibly ill-advised and dangerous to save him are two very different things. Do you know what changed?

-val: *shakes he head* I've been kind of trying not to think about it. You're right, today has been... a lot. I... can we talk about this later? I'm so tired.

-damon: *kisses her forehead* of course, sweetie.

-val might hug him here, just to like, hold him for a moment. He's a pretty good dad.

-Danny is in her room. Do they just like leave him on the floor? I think they must I can't imagine either of them moving him onto the bed, Valerie because she's not there yet and Damon mostly because the kid seems intimidated by him.

-damon goes back into Val's room to get her bed dressings to set up the couch. He takes the blanket, sheet, and a pillow to val, but he gives the second pillow to Danny. (Hopefully I don't do Damon perspective so I don't have to decide how that goes down ajdmfkdlsbdj)

-(god I think Val's room is carpeted Danny is just laying in sticky ectoplasm carpet fibres gross)

-val has trouble at first because her head is just spinning but once she gets there she sleeps like the dead (lol)

-Val is upset that she could've hurt him this badly before and now she feels like a hypocrite because she still hasn't forgiven him and maybe her from before was right and he's just a ghost and she shouldn't be feeling sorry for him at all but even thinking that makes her feel like a monster etc etc etc

-dream sequence?

-Okay in the morning we have

-damon: how are you doing phantom? Or do you prefer Danny?

-danny: uh, either is fine. I guess I usually go with Phantom. Keeps things less confusing, since I'm not the only Danny in town.

-he's sitting up and he rubs the back of his neck, and when he chuckles he winces and curls in on himself, but he's obviously much better than last night

-val: can you use your powers now? Didn't seem like they were working yesterday.

-he holds up a hand and his face screws up and after a moment the hand disappears. He's near panting with the effort and pain

-danny: yeah, they injected my core with something but it seems like it's wearing off

-"Core?"

-"oh, uh, it's like- there isn't really a clear equivalent in the human body. I guess you could say it's the only organ that ghosts really /have/. It's what determines our form and self and, well, everything. Without it we're just so much ectoplasm. I don't know what they put in mine, but it didn't try to destabilize me or anything, so that's good. It was more like it stabilized me /more/, or put my body in some kind of stasis. It kept me pretty still, and docile, and probably most importantly, tangible. Can't exactly examine something you can't touch. Though, I think that the Fentons just use phase proof tools, which seems simpler to me, but what do I know."

-Haha anyways

-Damon: do painkillers work on you? We've got ibuprofen.

-Danny:... Yeesssssssss?

-Damon: *raises an eyebrow* I'm not giving it to you if you don't know what it does to you.

-danny: no, I mean yes, I can take painkillers and they help. I just- I thought it might be a trick question?

-damon: well we already used disinfectant and stitches and bandages on you, and that all worked like normal. I don't think it's that strange.

-danny: aw man, I should've told you not to bother with the disinfectant. Sorry about that, I hope it wasn't too much, I was really out of it last night. Ectoplasm naturally burns out bacteria, I can't really get human infections.

-(I've been writing Danny as too articulate for this scene, gotta remember to make him have a rough time.)

-val: so if your body is ectoplasm and your organs are fake then how do painkillers help you?

-danny: uh. I dunno?

-damon makes breakfast, and that's probably when val stays behind to call truce

"I'm done shooting at you," she said. "...Huh?" was all the reply she got. He seemed worn out now, vacant, hardly conscious. She wanted to look at him, to see how he was taking it, but she couldn't bring herself to. "It wouldn't make sense, after this. Unless you start menacing the town again, or whatever, I'm done." She stared down at her hands, gripping each other. "Oh. Huh." His voice was lighter, and even though it was clearly an effort for him just to talk she could somehow hear the smile in his tone. "So, truce?" She scoffed, and it broke some tension within her, but she didn't feel better for it. Her shoulders curled in towards each other. "I'm informing you that I'm not gonna hunt you anymore. It's not a truce if you never started the fights."

-val: you ruined my life

-danny: I know.

-val: you won't even apologize?

-danny: do you actually want me to? would it help? I could tell you what happened and why, but you don't want to hear me excuse it. you got hurt, and it sucks. for what it's worth, i really am sorry. does that help?

-val: no.

-except that after all this, maybe it does, just a little

-damon insists that they move phantom and they bring him out to the living room and sit him between the couch and the coffee table. Damon sets up breakfast there and they all eat together. It is exceedingly weird. I think Damon also starts calling him Danny. Val hates that.

-at some point maybe Damon helps Danny clean himself up (my poor boy)

-(i think that Danny's body can slowly absorb excess ectoplasm but if it dries it's a lost cause)

-also getting dried ectoplasm out of anything fucking sucks, Danny feels so bad about Val's carpet

-eventually Danny is like crap what time is it what /day/ is it I legitimately have to leave

-kid you can barely use your powers right now you sure about this?

-he's sure

-danny and Valerie say bye

-danny: well this has been...

-val: really, really weird?

-danny: yeah. But kind of nice, too. Um. Thank you. Thank you for /everything/.

-Val: get out of my house.

[lotus-pear]

Fav madoka magica character??? You had great taste in anime for a ten year old kid lmao😭

aww thanks ALSO OMG OK so mami was my fav she just radiated big older sister energy for me when i was younger and i thought she was rly cool and like looking back now she was literally so young and did not deserve what happened to her :((((

[lith-myathar]

.

[haemosexuality]

these past few days i have been uncharacteristically. emotionally open. w my friend and it has me thinking about how truly for all of my life i just did not expect anything from anyone

[devotedlystrangewizard]

i think the most fun part about writing is exploiting ur character's flaws to create unique & interesting interpersonal relationships like yes what this character is doing is nearly objectively wrong but to them its just another tuesday. im projecting my parents' issues onto my oc & his kid is what im saying

[f1ghtsoftly]

Upon reflection, it was so damaging in childhood to be expected to preform at the same level as everyone else while being abused. I had so many embarrassing conversations with adults in my life about why I did this, why I was messy, why I was late all the time, why I didn’t get work done. Telling the truth would mean a CPS call that would yield nothing but a brutal beating the next day. Sorry, I was shaking when I woke up and could barely get out of the house because there was screaming so loud it shook the walls to my bedroom. Sorry, my sister was locked outside like a dog last night, I had to wait late to sneak her out a snack. Sorry, I’m afraid to ask my parents because of how they will react.

I really can’t overstate how much I dislike stories about magical poor kids, disabled or otherwise marginalized kids somehow preforming exceptionally under very difficult circumstances, because even though sometimes that does happen, it is a vanishingly small amount of kids that can even make something of that talent or skill after they display it. It is simply too much to ask a human being to continue steady work while caring for addicts, while getting sexually abused, while repeatedly not being accommodated for disability, in the aftermath of severe bullying and assault.

It is so brutally, brutally unfair that our society sees working hard through abuse, homelessness, unaccommodated disability, illness and poverty as some kind of badge of honor and not what it really is, a blistering indictment of how our society expects someone living in a shelter to work just as hard as someone in a stable home and have the same resources and blames those who fail to meet expectations with less opportunity, lower wages and social scorn. I can’t express how inhumane it is.

I remember a friend of my sister’s who was r*ped by an older boy in my grade. She was taking some advanced classes and the school was “unable” to separate them and keep her in advanced classes. I remember how anyone expected her to learn in that class but she would also be blamed if she didn’t preform well. No college would get a note explaining a poor grade or a poor semester due to retraumatization from abuse. Her failure to work through humiliating and traumatizing circumstances would mean a loss of educational attainment and potentially a worse transcript.

A lot of words are thrown around about victim blaming and there are very real cases, like Amber Heard, where women are attacked for coming forward or defending themselves against abuse-but another pernicious form of victim blaming comes from expecting someone to trudge through the unthinkable and label them as sick, as failures, as mentally challenged or just not good enough when they inevitably fail.

[girlrotterr]

Ultraviolence.

farm!ellie x fem!reader TW!: references to alcohol and substance abuse, along with instances of emotional and verbal abuse. Summary: Years after returning from Seattle, you and Ellie chose to adopt a baby, hoping to rebuild your lives after the traumatic events. However, several months later, Ellie began struggling emotionally, haunted by her past, expressing her pain through cold and distant behavior. a/n: AHHH!! soo excited to finally share this!! lmk if you angels would like a pt 2!

read part 2! read part 3!

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The silence of the house was abruptly broken by a cry that echoed through every corner. It was a sound you recognized instantly, a heart-wrenching feeling that never failed to make your chest tighten. Those cries belonged to your child. 

As you stood at the sink, sleeves rolled up, scrubbing away residues of dinner from the white porcelain plates – the very ones Ellie had lovingly chosen for you – memories flooded your mind. Each sponge stroke brought back moments shared with Ellie, her attention to detail in every aspect of your life together.

The kitchen, once a place of laughter and shared meals, now felt empty. The soft glow of the overhead light cast shadows across the room, emphasizing the solitude that enveloped you. How you longed for Ellie's presence, her warmth filling the space with love and comfort.

Yet, she wasn't physically absent.

She simply wasn't present.

"Go check on him," ellie muttered rudely, not even looking in your direction.

"Already on it," you replied, setting the plate down and drying your hands on a nearby cloth. 

Making your way upstairs, the cries of your child grew louder as you approached his door. Your heart ached as you recognized them all too well. Taking a deep breath, you knocked and opened the door.

Before you could utter a word, he began pouring out his troubles. He knew it was you even before the door opened, aware that you were the only one who came to check on him. His other mom…hadn't done so in a long time.

He was sobbing into his teddy bear, his red and puffy eyes avoiding your gaze.

"Why is my mommy like that?" he asked, tears staining his teddy bear. "Why is she not playing with me? Does she not love me anymore?"

Closing the door gently behind you, you settled on his bed. His voice choked with emotion, he questioned why his mother seemed distant.

"Oh honey, she loves you.” you tried soothing by rubbing his back, “she’s just… been busy, but soon enough, she'll play with you again, okay? I'll talk to her.." you assured, pulling him into your arms.

"Promise?" This time he raised his head to look at you with those wet eyes. You'd been playing the mother role for the past half a year now. How many times had you made that promise to him? 

"Pinky promise," you affirmed, feeling the weight of your words as you made yet another pledge to ease his worries.

"Thank you mama.."  He smiled weakly, clinging to you with a sense of reassurance. 

A voice in the background called your name – Ellie.

Abruptly, the heavy thuds of footsteps echoed up the stairs, her sharp voice vibrating through the silence of the hallway. 

"What are you doing?!" she snapped, her tone laced with irritation as she barged into the room, a cigarette dangling from her fingers.

"What the fuck are you staring at?" Ellie snarked,  her words cutting through the air. Her cold glare pierced through you. "Kid, go somewhere else."

As Ellie's coldness unfolded, you began to bite the inside of your cheek, a surge of anger towards her lack of empathy. The lack of interest she showed towards everyone's feelings aggravated you, you were growing exhausted. 

"Stop it.” you intervened, hoping to convey to Ellie the need for a gentler approach toward the child. As expected, Ellie brushed off your attempt, a complete disregard for how her words affected the child.

"I said fucking go!" Ellie yelled.

Your child, tears swelling, quickly left the room, the echoes of his sniffles fading behind him. Dammit, Ellie...

You shoot her a glare filled with frustration, immediately getting up to exit the room. However, Ellie quickly grabbed your arm, her grip tight and nails digging into your flesh, causing you to wince and forcefully move toward her.

"Where the fuck are you going?" she snarled.

"Argh- Ellie, I'm not.. dealing with you right now-" you remarked..

Ellie tugged your arm harshly, her stare growing more aggravated. The scent of cigarettes lingering, the scent so familiar that you had become numb to it. This was the only time Ellie would even attempt to touch you, always using it to assert her control. In all other instances, you existed as nothing, always unnoticed.

“You don’t get to decide that.” She released your arm, shutting the door firmly and positioning herself in front of it to ensure you couldn't leave. Taking another drag from her cigarette, she exhaled the smoke.

Maintaining your glare, you scoffed and went to open the window, refusing to let the smell of cigarettes fill your child's room. 

"What the fuckk are you doing?" Ellie asked, displaying no intention of stopping you, her annoyance being clear. She didn't bother pretending. 

“What does it fucking look like?” you snapped, not bothering to turn and face her. You hated it when she tried irritating you. 

Instead, your focus drifted toward the view outside the window. The sun was setting, painting the sky with hues of warm gold and soft pink, casting a gentle glow. The fields surrounding the farmhouse with lively flowers, their petals swaying in the evening breeze.

The farmhouse itself stood as a sturdy, its walls covered with trailing vines of ivy. In the distance, you could hear the faint sound of cows softly in the fields. 

Ellie remained silent, simply taking another prolonged drag of her cigarette. She didn't spare the time to respond to your snarky remarks.

“..he wanted to play with you today,” you mentioned, leaning your head against the window, fidgeting with the sleeves of your shirt. “He thinks you don’t love him.”

It had become routine for Ellie to try and get any information about what your kid shared. His troubles and worries seemed to be a curiosity for her. You never questioned it, always holding onto the hope that, in some part of her, she still truly cared.

"So?" she replied nonchalantly, walking over to you and flicking her cigarette out the window. "What's one of his little feelings to me? He's too attached anyway. It'd be good for him if I ignored him for a while." 

Ellie's gaze drifted toward the window, her eyes captivated by the familiar view. The  golden glow over the farmstead, a sight she had always cherished. It was one of the main reasons she had chosen this farmhouse for her family to live in. 

You gazed at Ellie, taking in her features. Her heavy bags from the countless sleepless nights on the couch, her once-soft pink lips now only meeting the cold bottles of alcohol she consumed in the dead of night.

“He’s not the only one who feels that way..” You remarked, still staring at her, hoping that her emerald eyes would meet yours.

Ellie's heart sank, a flicker of emotion appearing on her face.

"Shut up," she muttered coldly. She didn't bother turning to look at you; your words had clearly affected her. 

"I don't want to hear you talk. I'll do whatever I want. If I don't feel like playing with him, then I fucking won't."

She stormed off, and the moment of silence shattered. Her heavy footsteps descended the stairs. 

Without a moment's hesitation, you rushed out of your son's room, your only focus being to find him. You swiftly walked down the hallway, your pace quickening. Leaving him alone, particularly when upset, was something you hated. As you walked down the hallway…

There he was. 

In the bathroom, seated on the black and white tiled floor, clutching his teddy bear, with his face buried into his knees and headphones covering his ears.

He didn't want to witness his mothers arguing. He understood that whenever Ellie interrupted your time together, it signaled something bad. 

You observed him from the doorway painfully knowing that he didn't deserve this, enduring the harsh environment that the house had become. It pained your heart to see that he had developed coping mechanisms for these moments.

He glanced up at you, his eyes red from crying.

You gave him a soft smile, walking over and lifting him into your arms, gently wiping away the tears from his face. “I’m sorry honey, mommy needed to tell me something-”

“I know,” he said softly, nuzzling his face into your neck. He already knew all your apologies.

You kissed the top of his head, tenderly stroking his hair and swaying side to side. Your mind raced, searching for ways to lift his spirits and make up for Ellie's behavior.

“Hey, why don’t we-”

"Mama... I’m tired," he interrupted, his gaze staring off as if he was drifting from this moment. It wasn’t just physical fatigue; he was tired of it all, exhausted from feeling this way.

You nodded gently. “Okay, let’s head to bed then…”

You walked over to the sink, sitting him on the nearby stool where you usually did to brush his little teeth. The tap gushed water as you applied toothpaste to his green toothbrush covered in tiny dinosaurs, a choice Ellie had insisted upon a while back. You remember her begs of "pleaseee!!" throughout the shopping trip.

With the toothbrush in hand, you gently brushed his teeth, being careful not to hurt his sensitive gums.

“Okay, now you can spit.”

Ptui!

“All clean, mama!” he exclaimed excitedly, clapping his hands together and flashing you his newly cleaned smile.

You leaned down, planting a kiss on the top of his head. “Good job, honey!”

He carefully climbed down from the stool, making his way towards your bedroom. Sleeping with you always made him feel safe, and he eagerly headed for the bed, emitting little grunts of tiredness along the way.

Finally settling onto the bed, he lay down next to his teddy bear, giving it a small pat.

“Mama will join you after she’s done cleaning, okay?” you assured him, tucking him into his space-themed blanket. The blanket, a dark blue adorned with various planets and stars, was one of his favorites.

It was a gift from from grandpa Joel, who had been thrilled to learn about your and Ellie's news of starting a family. He couldn't contain his excitement, bombarding Ellie with endless parenting tips and even purchasing books on child development in preparation.

Joel never got to meet him. 

“Okay...” he said softly, turning away as you walked towards the door. You stared at his back, an ache overwhelming your thoughts, and all you could think about was saying, "I’m sorry." Though you knew you weren’t responsible for Ellie's behavior, you felt like you owed it to him.

You and Ellie were eagerly excited on the journey to adopt a child together, ready to try again. Jackson had many kids in need of a loving home. When you adopted your kid, you promised him a life filled with love and joy, but that promise crumbled far too quickly. 

You stepped out of the room and closed the door behind you.

Heading downstairs, you found Ellie sitting on the couch, smoking a joint and watching Breaking Bad, an episode she had already seen twice.

Resuming your routine, you began cleaning up the kitchen. Drying dishes, sweeping the floor, and wiping the countertops. All tasks you were now accustomed to doing alone.

 Ellie gradually stopped helping, a gradual drift. The same snarky excuses: “I’m too fucking tired” or “I have some work to finish up.” Eventually, she left you alone in the silent kitchen, where everything felt still.

“Goodnight,” you said, looking towards Ellie as you headed towards the stairs.

Silence.

Ellie remained motionless on the couch, smoking her joint and staring blankly at the TV. Her eyes were fixed on the screen, trying to detach herself from the world.

You took a deep breath, attempting to control your emotions and suppress the ache that surfaced every time she responded with silence. Placing your foot on the first step, you began to ascend the stairs.

"C'mere,” Ellie said, actually looking at you for once.

Your heart raced at her sudden attention, her piercing gaze catching you off guard. You walked over to her, standing in front of her. Up close, you couldn't ignore the mess she appeared to be. Her eyes were puffy and red, a foolish smirk plastered across her face.

“c’meree..” she said, motioning you to come closer. 

Ellie brought the joint to her lips, taking a long drag before blowing the smoke right into your face, giggling at how it was causing you to cough. 

She started laughing, “you look stupid.”

Irritated, you smacked the joint out of her hand. Causing ellie to jolt at the sudden movement. 

“Be fucking stupid and pick it up,” you snarled, glaring at her, your eyes piercing through her.

Ellie simply looked at you, no words, no movement, her gaze fixated on you. You couldn’t decipher the emotion behind her gaze there were thoughts behind those eyes, but you couldn’t recognize them.

Scoffing, you turned away, no longer wanting to be near her. Heading upstairs, you headed straight for the bathroom. Closing the door behind you, you looked at yourself in the mirror. Tears welled up, but you refused to let them fall. I need to be strong..she can’t..can’t win…

You couldn't help but feel stupid. Stupid for thinking she would offer you even a shred of affection. Her undivided attention, a drop of care.

Turning on the faucet, you splashed water on your face, feeling its cool touch soothe your heated skin. It was as if the water washed away the tension, calming your mind. Each droplet felt like a weight lifted off your shoulders, easing the ache you carried.

Taking a deep sigh, you began your nightly routine, another task you were accustomed to doing alone.

Slowly opening the door to your bedroom, you found your child fast asleep, clutching his teddy bear tightly in his arms and cocooned in his blanket. His gentle breaths filled the room with a sense of tranquility, a small smile gracing his lips as he slept peacefully.

In that moment, he appeared like a peaceful, angelic child, as if he were innocent and free from life's worries.

Closing the door behind you, you approached the bed, gently laying beside him, fingers caressing his soft hair, humming a melody –a melody Ellie used to sing to you back then. Never missing a chance to soothe you with her singing whenever you couldn’t sleep. 

He appeared so innocent, carrying that light within him. The idea of him being exposed to Ellie's behavior filled you with guilt. He was the reason you tolerated Ellie, not demanding for more.

You had an urge to fight for his safety and his right to happiness. All he deserved was love and affection, and ellie failed to provide it.

Pressing a kiss to his forehead, you closed your eyes, letting sleep envelop you as you tried to quiet the endless thoughts swirling in your mind.

Thud.

Sometime later in the night, you heard Ellie stumbling her way up the stairs. Her movements were unsteady, the effects of alcohol. It seemed like she hadn't slept at all. The only evidence of her rest was the blanket and pillow on the couch.

You heard the sound of ellie turning the doorknob and entering the room, not bothering to turn on the lights. The room filled with the sound of Ellie rummaging through drawers and opening closets. You had no idea what she was looking for, but she appeared determined to find it.

You tried to catch a glimpse of Ellie in the darkened room. Your eyes adjusted, and you could make out the outline of her figure as she searched. She stood there in a tank top and boxers, her arms revealing prominent veins, and her hair ruffled messily around her face.

“El’s?..” 

Startled, she jumped and stopped her search, clearly taken aback by the sudden sound of your voice. She turned around with a scowl, not bothering to whisper back.

“What?” she snapped, clearly annoyed.

"What're you… doing?" you asked sleepily, being awoken by her rummaging. 

"Nothing," Ellie replied with a heavy sigh "Go back to sleep."

You looked into her eyes, your eyes glistening in the gentle moonlight. 

Ellie was startled for a moment at the sight of the eyes that met her. But snapped herself back into reality.

"Don't… give me that look," she muttered before turning around and going back to rummaging through the drawers.

You gently extended your hand towards Ellie, wanting her to sleep with you. Your fingers moved slowly, reaching out for hers. 

She paused, her shoulders rising and falling as she took a sharp inhale of air. She sighed and then looked at you. She didn't pull away from your touch, her demeanor appearing softer as if she was trying to resist you.

"No," 

You stayed silent at her response, silently hoping for her to change her answer.

"I said No. Go… back to sleep." She tried to say firmly but her tone was softer now.

You turned away from Ellie, silently acknowledging her rejection. Each time your attempts were turned down, the familiar ache grew duller, as if numbed. You wrapped your arm around your child, closing your eyes in an attempt to drift back into sleep.

Your child's peaceful breathing filled the room, a comforting reminder of his presence. Though still awake, you could hear Ellie's silent breaths nearby. She lingered by the bed, her presence still even in the darkness. It felt as if she was trying to find a way to be near you without you knowing. 

You resembled an angel in the soft moonlight, your skin radiant. Ellie couldn't help but admire you, considering you the most beautiful sight she had ever seen—as if you were kissed by the moon. 

The night was warm, the gentle wind gentle and comforting. In this moment, you hoped to never wake up. 

Your soft hair laid on the pillow like soft and silky thread. Your gentle breathing was soothing. Your body looked like a painting created by heaven itself. You were its beautiful muse and the moon was the painter showing its admiration.

Ellie couldn't help but gaze at you, her eyes lingering on your lips for a moment longer than usual. She then looked down at your child, peacefully nestled with you For an instant, a longing for love stirred within her, a feeling she hadn't experienced in a very long time. It reminded her of the days when you both were deeply in love.

Your body was so peaceful, ellie found herself entranced, her eyes tracing every curve and line. Ellie felt an overwhelming desire to simply…admire you, to preserve your presence. 

Without a second thought, Ellie found herself slowly lying down beside you, her body acting with impulse. The comfort of the bed and the softness of the cotton sheets gave her a warmth that she had long forgotten.

She pressed her body as close as she could get it against yours. Her hands folded under her chin, as if she was too afraid to touch you. 

She found herself lost, aching for a connection she feared to ignite. 

[alicethenobody]

My headcanons about the Sparda twins coming back from hell.

-They’re stuck for about 11 months, after they find a way out after managing to sever those stupid roots so they don’t bother anybody anymore.

-Just in time for Patty’s 19th birthday party!

-Somehow they accidentally end up there, and chaos ensues.

-Patty scolds Dante for missing her birthday party last year and cries tears of joy at the same time knowing he’s finally home, she’d visited DMC everyday to see if Dante had turned up and now she doesn’t have to wait anymore to see him again. After the scolding she gives him as tight of a hug as she can. Dante promises to make it up to her and reassures her he didn’t mean to neglect her on her birthday. Patty demands double the presents, and even though he doubts he can afford much he’ll try to find a way. He can’t say no to Pattycakes.

-Btw for those who don’t know the novel reveals Dante planned on seeing Patty after handling Urizen, he just didn’t want to go to the party itself because he feels uncomfortable and like a freak around “normal” (his words) people like Patty’s friends and thinks he’s dangerous to be around.

-Vergil is confused. Very confused. They act a lot like family. Could Dante have had a kid? He never said anything about that.

-Nope. They’re just really tightly knit found family.

-Patty eventually starts roasting Dante like usual, mainly for how he smells horrible and his hair is a mess. She demands that he showers right now.

-Vergil decides he likes Patty already and teams up with her to roast his brother and tells him “Do what she says, Dante. You wouldn’t want to make her upset.” In the most smug way fucking possible.

-Dante wanted to go back to the shop right away considering he’d been gone for so long, but again, he really can’t say no to Patty.

-They return to DMC after that. Nero is there and he’s silently shocked for a moment when the twins walk through the door, in the middle of an argument about something really stupid. Probably about pizza toppings. Nothing really serious just normal sibling banter.

-“GUYS! GUYS! GUYS! Can we please talk?!”

-Dante, realizing Nero is there, is giddy to see his nephew. However… Nero gives him a swift uppercut to the jaw.

-This leads to Nero dragging Dante somewhere they can talk alone. He demands an explanation as to why Dante never told him about anything.

-This will be difficult, but Dante knows he needs to explain stuff to him. It’s only fair. He has a right to know.

-He doesn’t open up about his trauma that lead to all this, that’d be out of character. But he does explain to Nero the best he can that the Sparda family has a long, bloody and traumatic history and he thought if Nero got involved he’d get hurt and he didn’t want the only family he had left to get hurt, or ruin the happy life he was living with Kyrie.

-He expects another punch from Nero, he thinks he deserves it, but instead Nero crushes him with a hug.

-“Never fucking do that again, idiot. From now on we’re family, you got it? No more secrets.”

-Dante nearly cries as he says “You have my word, kid.” in the goofiest, most overjoyed way possible. Also he’s kinda nervous about it at first because he’s not used to receiving affection anymore but he hugs Nero back.

-Vergil on the other hand? Having a… relationship with him is gonna be difficult as hell. It’ll take a while before Vergil and Nero are comfortable around each other. Kyrie and Dante play a big role in helping the two, though Vergil was a lot more reluctant at first to accept his little bro’s help.

-Also Vergil lives with Dante and let’s just say the business is a lot better with him around. They still bicker a lot but it’s out of love because what siblings don’t annoy each other?

Will Nero ever learn about the Sparda family’s history in better detail? I have a lot of thoughts about that, as well as possible plot points in a DMC 6 type scenario but I just wanted this post to be about the immediate return from hell.

Edit: Wanted to mention I also have thoughts about Nero’s side of things while the twins were in hell about what he was doing and how he was feeling and all that stuff but this post is mainly about this twins.

[fuck-customers]

The other day, these boys (they weren't even teenagers) cane in to the cinema the other day and were trying to buy Deadpool tickets. They obviously didn't have IDs, so they were trying to get other people to buy it for them.

First, they said the guy in line behind them was their uncle and he was gonna watch it with him, only for the guy to butt in with "I don't even know you guys"

Then they were just standing next to the line and letting people go ahead of them in line and asking every single one of them, and eventually, one of them said yes. So my boss sauntered over to the guy as he was trying to buy them tickets and had this conversation:

Boss: "So... you're the parental figure?"

Man: "Yes."

Boss: "You know these boys?"

Man: "Obviously."

Boss: "So the boys are going to sit right next to you? And you understand that if they misbehave and have to be asked to leave, you'll have to leave with them, since you're responsible for them?"

Man: "... sorry guys, never mind."

And then he gave them their money back and went to watch his movie. Like, based on past experience and the way the boys were acting, we're all pretty sure they weren't going to behave during the movie (mostly because they couldn't even behave in the lobby where there's a bunch of employees watching them because it was a very slow day and they were being loud.)

Oh, and the youngest boy could not have been older than 10, at the absolute most, and he had a fucking vape hanging on a lanyard around his neck. Like, kid, you don't need to be fucking up your lungs and developing an addiction when you haven't even started puberty yet. Okay, my grandfather was smoking by age 10, but they also thought cigarettes were good for treating asthma back then. These days, we know better. (Obviously, I don't care if adults smoke or vape, as long as they aren't doing it in the building or too close to me. I do have severe respiratory problems and I like being able to breathe as much clean air as my lungs will allow. But 10, or however old this kid, is waaaay too fucking young. I know laws don't actually determine morals, but smoking/vaping under the age of 18 is illegal here too).

Also, I had not one but two groups of parents argue and throw a fit because I had to tell them they couldn't bring their newborn babies into R rates movies. Like, one of them was just reaching the stage where she was starting to look like a proper baby, but the other one was so young that he was still in the stage where he looks more like an alien than a baby. Like, the girl was maybe a month old, but the boy was maaaaybe two weeks. Yes, I understand that your tiny, tiny infants are probably not going to be traumatized by the new Alien movie. Newborns are extremely nearsighted, so they probably couldn't even see the screen. But you know what babies *do* do? Cry. And people buy tickets to a movie that is Age Restricted (which is what the R in Rated R stands for: Age Restricted 17 and Up) buy tickets with the reasonable expectation that there isn't going to be a screaming child in there. That's why company policy is that we don't allow kids under 6 to Age Restricted films, even with parents. Because if your baby is crying the whole time, people want their money back and we have to give refunds. Corporate doesn't give a shit if you're bad parents or not for traumatizing your 4-year old by dragging him to a Saw movie or whatever (and no, he can't just "play on his iPad the whole time", you're not allowed to have those out either because it's also disruptive to other guests). This has been company policy since around the time the first Saw movie came out, actually. It's not new.

The parents of the little boy were even like "he won't cry, he loves loud noises!" Like, he's two weeks old, he's barely popped out of the womb, you cannot possibly know him well enough to know how he's going to react to being at the movies for the first time (I see parents bringing their 3 to 6 year olds in for their first movie at the cinema, like multiple times a week, and they don't even know how the kid will react most of the time), and frankly at this point, I'm not sure I trust you to make the decisions that are best for your child rather than yourself, since that's a newborn fucking baby, there's a massive COVID surge right now, and the theater is very crowded. I *just* got back to work after catching COVID at the fucking urgent care when I had a concussion, and they had hospital-grade ozone air filters, and both I and the person in the waiting room who had COVID were wearing masks (AND I'm fully up to date on my vaccines). Your baby can absolutely catch COVID if you're going to be sitting in a packed room with a hundred or more other people for several hours, especially since none of you are masking. He can't even have been vaccinated for chickenpox or whooping cough yet.

Your baby in no way benefits from being here, but he could easily catch an illness and die. You know how many toddlers I see that are constantly coughing and don't understand to cover their mouths yet? So fucking many. At least be honest; you're here because you want to watch the new movie, and you're not willing to wait until you can get a babysitter for a few hours. You're not here because your newborn baby "likes loud noises"; if that's really the case, you can take him for a walk near a construction site or something, which is free and less likely to give him a potentially fatal illness. Or, you know, put something on the phone or the TV on for him. I know that being cooped up at home sucks, I really do, but even if you're willing to risk the health of your baby that's still fresh out of the oven, we as a business still do not allow him to be in here for that movie. You can pick one that's not Adults-Only if you really really want to watch a movie right now. Or you could hire a babysitter, or leave him with Grandma for a few hours, or something.

Not to mention the fact that our sound system is good enough to shake things through the sound-dampening walls; it's got to be fucking torture on sensitive newborn eardrums. I have a video of a time when a specific movie was playing right next to the bathroom and some of the sound effects hit just the right pitch that the fucking stall doors were unlocking themselves from the vibrations. (And yes, the sound-dampening walls do work, and we do actually replace the panels when they wear out, but they can only do so much. They're sound dampening, not sound-proof, and audio mixing in films has been all over the place for the last however many years. Movies are often much louder, or at least have a wider range of volume levels across the whole feature, than they did when this place was built decades ago.)

Sorry to get preach-y but have some fucking sense and learn to accept that you can't just do anything and everything you want. I don't even make the fucking rules, but it's going to be on my head if I let you bring him in there and we have to give out hundreds of dollars in refunds because he's screaming.

Also, sorry that this is an Ask and not a Submission. I didn't notice until I was done typing, and it won't let me copy and paste the whole thing since I'm on mobile, only one paragraph at a time.

Posted by admin Rodney

[aphel1on]

the more i think abt it the more i realize what a big influence thg was on my taste in stories + my own writing

like a lot of things went into influencing how i gravitate to 'dark' media and tragedies but somehow i never remember to count thg. i was sat there when i was 11 reading the hunger games like 😦

it's not so much the 'dark' stuff itself that stuck with me as it was the extremely realistic trauma responses and the way the books illustrated over and over again how the human spirit endures even as it breaks

and what it had to say about pyrrhic victories and cycles of violence, and how it humanized the capitol citizens too

(and the part where it was a scathing critique of very real institutions, which went over my head a bit at 11 but which i was able to grasp by the time the movies were coming out)

like. the countless soulless copycats could never

the hunger games was so fucking good actually

[alyakthedorklord]

Welcome to Danny’s Part 2

People have been asking for more of this ^^ so here you go, have a really long word vomit of stuff i think is funny

(IM NOT WRITING THIS FIC GDI I HAVE ENOUGH WIP’S!)

Danny’s restaurant is ALSO manned by-

Tucker, who will fix your tech for free, has tattoos of hieroglyphics and lines of code that shift around when he gets busy.

Sam, who makes an express line for veggie orders. If you try to order meat from sam all the potted plants start trembling.

Jazz, who has a special booth in the back and Magically makes people dump their deepest secrets to her in streamlined Liminal Powers Therapy. (It’s a bit weird but hey the people she targets feel better so whatevs.)

Dani, who shares pictures from tourist traps she's visited, though there’s also some REALLY WEIRD pics of alternate realities and cult shenanigans mixed in. Some of the older patrons are concerned. She’s a little too young to do all this alone- actually, how old is she? Her father looks like he’s in his early twenties…

Dan, who is working here while “on parole” and often loudly argues with Danny about it.

“I don’t want to work in your stupid shop, Dad!”

Dan is two whole feet taller than danny and three times as wide i will not be taking constructive criticism. He’s a whole silver fox. There are some ladies who have a crush on him and they’re really concerned if he’s legal bc danny is younger than them how is Dan his child-

“Dan, how old are you?”

“I don’t know, like, a hundred sixty something?”

(Lady turns to look at Danny, who shrugs and smiles.) “time dilation. What a world we live in. Dan, kiddo, can you get some more napkins from the back?”

“Ugh, fine, dad.”

The first villain Danny ACTUALLY fights isn’t the Joker. It’s Condiment King. Dan runs away from him, which is already weird bc guy is MASSIVE, and the condiment king chases him bc YES SOMEONE FINALLY FEARS HIM PROPERLY.

Danny bursts out of the shop in righteous fatherly fury and beats the snot out of him. Everyones is confused bc… what? Dan is massive? Why is he scared? Why is the twink beating the snot out of condiment king?

“Dan had a traumatic experience with Burger Sauce.” Danny explains, glaring down at the rouge at his feet. He kicks him, growls, “Don’t mess with my kid.” And walks back inside.

No one asks, bc this is gotham. Asking is rude, and also it lessens the Mystery that is Danny’s. No one knows how the kids came into existence. No one knows, before someone from out of town (metropolis, ugh) asks about the sign.

The sign outside the shop says:

Welcome to Danny’s!

Do no harm and no harm shall befall you.

Start nothing and nothing will be ended.

We have baseball bats and fists and a mean swing.

This establishment does not serve- guys in white (suits), Vlad, Transphobes, Vlad, Clowns, VLAD.

Do not ask for the secret menu. If you can get it, Danny will offer it.

(Don’t scare the other customers, please.)

When asked who Vlad is, bc he’s banned three times, Danny just kind of sighs.

“He’s my kid's other parent. He’s an obsessive creep who completely ignores Danielle because she’s a girl, rolling in money but won’t pay his child support. You know how it is.”

Several goons ask what he looks like so they can keep an eye out. Dani happily tells them “look at Dan, take away Dad’s features, then convert 30% of his height and weight into smarminess.”

It's an effective description. Vlad gets full body tackled the moment he enters the neighborhood. Danny gives the goons free fudge (family recipe, one of the restaurants signatures)

One of the reasons Danny’s is so popular is bc its open 24/7. (Unless its one of those weird times where all the doors are locked and if you look through the window blinds theres nothing but a starry void.) One of the reasons Danny’s is so weird is bc Danny is ALWAYS behind the counter. Always. Round the clock. He doesn’t sleep, eat, anything. Some people swear he has a twin he swaps out with (clones).

Sometimes, after a really difficult customer, Danny will let out a really long sigh and mutter “time out” before glitching into a new position, with a new shirt and combed hair. No one mentions it.

Theres a deal that’s just, “beat danny in a fight you eat for free.”

The deal extends to both Dan and Dani as well. Even if you lose you get fudge as a reward for courage.

No one ever wins.

One time, a couple brought their kid, recently discharged from the hospital. Danny comes over to them and grins. “Hey, kiddo! Bet you gave your parents a scare, huh? Pulled through in the end. That means you get the secret menu!”

Parents: hey wtf?

Danny, handing over a perfectly normal menu: 😀

Kid: “ooh mommy look at the glowy stars!”

Parents: !?!?!?

Danny: 😁

Old man Dave, whose heart has stopped like three times now: “Oh don’t worry about that, prices are the same and it will help your kid feel much better. Danny’s just a little weird.”

After all, it’s not just full ghosts that get the menu. If you’ve been dead, heart stopped, soul out of body before being popped back into place, then you get it. There’s actually a pretty high number of people who get it, bc this is Gotham. People get resuscitated after rogue attacks. The ecto actually helps stabilize their soul after getting jerked between life and death so rudely.

The secret menu that they’re given is just a normal menu, scribbled over top with an ecto pen, invisible to non-secret menu havers. Different “ecto-levels” to choose from, and three extra dishes. There’s also instructions to get into the “back room” for those who can’t go intangible, though it comes with a disclaimer “not for the faint of heart.”

There’s also a small note at the bottom- “do not share food.”

Anyways, as per original post. Tim herds Joker into Danny’s radar bc he Cannot Deal Right Now. He salutes Danny, who waves back, grinning like he didn’t just come at the Clown Prince of Crime like a feral badger on crack cocaine. “Heya, Red Robin! You want a coffee?”

“Please.” Tim sighs. “You’re the best, Danny.”

Jason looks between tim and the shop danny just vanished into. “Uh, what?”

“Danny doesn’t like clowns.” Tim explains. “Or condiment king. They get close, Danny takes them out.”

Jason is incredibly confused, bc he just came back from an out of town mission, but this place is right on the edge of his territory and he should definitely know about it. He asks tim, who just shrugs.

“That shop is weird. It’s like a grocery store at 3am. I stumbled in there after a rough night and Danny just whipped me up the best coffee i've ever had. Still can’t find their website. I swear it’s bigger on the inside and the door keeps swapping from one side of that fire hydrant to the other.”

Danny comes out and passes Tim a massive coffee cup. “Come back and talk shop with tucker, okay? You’re welcome any time. Both of you, actually.”

He gives Jason a weird look and then goes back inside.

Jason, who is a little concerned that the reverence tim has is more than his average weird worship of coffee (it's just that good) goes back the next day in civvies.

He gets offered the secret menu, danny does the eye thing, Jason retreats to look at the secret menu. Unsure of what just happened, he texts tim.

Jason: Why was i given a “secret menu”

Tim: WTF WHAT DID YOU DO TO GET THAT

Jason: IDK THATS WHY IM TEXTING YOU

tim: I'VE BEEN GOING FOR MONTHS I’M A LOYAL PATRON WHAT DO YOU HAVE THAT I DONT

Jason: the secret menu apparently (image)

Tim: …thats just the normal menu???

Jason: no? It looks like a kid went ham with a neon green marker tf?

Duke: you know this is the family chat right?

Steph: order the waffles

Jason: you order the waffles. Wtf is an ecto-level.

Jason asks for what danny recommends, Danny immediately gives him a milkshake and tells him it's on the house bc he “looks rough.”

Jason is kind if offended, bc he actually got a decent sleep- but then he tries it and its like.

Oh.

Now. Between the stink Tim is making, and the sudden worship that Jason has of this shops milkshakes, the BatFamily is now Curious and will Investigate.

Are the milkshakes really that good?

The full force of the Wayne Family™ isn’t exactly subtle, so they go in twos and threes over the course of a week.

Damian gets offered the secret menu, and is also directed towards Sam’s express vegetarian line. Danny just Knew. Damian accuses Tim and/or Jason of pulling a prank on him, but they both swear up and down they didn’t say anything.

Both Steph (i think? Did she fake her death or actually die idk) and Cass get the secret menu, and they keep trying to ask Tim what certain things on the menu mean. Tim Cannot See what they’re talking about. He’s starting to get frustrated. Is it some sort of magic spell?

Tim takes Kon to Danny’s. (Is it a date? A test date on a low-stakes investigation? Maybe.) Danny, who is really starting to enjoy messing with Tim, gleefully offers Kon the secret menu, and Tim the normal one. Tim bangs his head on the table.

Dick doesn’t get a secret menu, but he does notice a couple disappear through the wall. He’s almost certain he’s seen them before, but it will be a while before he remembers Kitty and Johnny from his early Robin Days.

Duke is also not offered a secret menu, but he can see the writing anyways. He can also see that some of the patrons have weird auras, and what on EARTH is up with Danny himself? He tries to ignore it, up until Steph gets him to order one of the specials off Cass’s (secret) menu. And Danny just kind of sharpens, the air going cold.

“I didn’t give you that menu. Just because you can read it, doesn’t mean you want it. Order off the right menu, please.”

Duke, freaked the hell out by the Biblically Accurate Horror that Danny is shifting into, orders off the right menu and apologizes.

“Oh, it’s alright!” Danny flips back to cheerful in seconds. “It’s just that it wouldn’t be completely healthy for you to eat it, even if you are part immortal.”

Duke bluescreens.

Alright, somethings definitely going on.

Tim and Jason both order the same thing- an oreo milkshake, one off the secret menu, one off the normal menu. Jason confirms the one from the normal menu does not taste the same and isn’t as good. Tim cannot confirm the other way around, because Jason nearly punches him when he attempts to taste it.

They take samples home, analyze them, and go over anecdotes from other patrons, trying to figure out what makes Danny’s so weird. What makes Kon, Cass, Jason, and Damian different?

Wait a second. Kon, Cass, Jason, Damian. The ones that died and came back to life.

It’s around this time that Dick remembers where he’s seen Kitty and Johnny before. Lovers from two houses, both alike in (in)dignity, had a romeo-and-juliet-esque escapade across Gotham, ending in high speed chase with Kitty’s gangster father and a fatal motorcycle accident. Both are dead. Both are in Danny’s.

Danny’s has something to do with death.

Having heard a couple stories about food of the dead, they notify Bruce (who is very concerned as to what exactly his children have been putting in their mouths) and then call in the magic users of the justice league.

It’s a mess. Dan calls Constantine a whore. Deadman and Secret (i think thats Tim’s ghost friend?) get abducted to the backroom. Dani clocks Capt. Marvel as another kid who looks older than he actually is, with magic powers, and his showing him her REALLY interesting travel photos. Zatanna is like “this place needs an exorcism” and danny just goes “ma’am please don’t exorcize my customers.”

Tag list (if you saw me attempt this before no you didn’t)

@nappinginhell @apointlessbox @thegatorsgoose @chaos-n-kindness @mimilikey @phoenixdemonqueen @treepainting @sjrose1216 @akikkobara @malice-of-the-sunrise @idontgetpaidenoughforthisshit @randomkiddoscrewingaround @call-me-strega @blankliferain @somera-rubina @wordsgohere95 @rukiaai @mirellacoco @stargazing-bookwyrm @bathildaburp @littlefeather345

[howtofightwrite]

How often would a person have to get jumped to affect their morphology (both bone, brain, muscles and fat), if it began in late childhood and throughout the puberty process. Bonus info, the person is fighting or fleeing with good effectivness most of the time, with the fight or flight system being fully functional.

Like, being physically bullied as a child did make me physically stronger, and forced me to develop a lot of resistance, resistance I lost after the bullying stopped because I'm a couch potato. Mostly in resistance training, with some clenching strength (but that's from gymnastics).

So, resistance and strong clenching muscles.

Yeah, that doesn't work.

Psychologically, abuse can cause you to come back stronger (or, break you completely), but it doesn't cause you to become physiologically stronger.

As you get older, your ability to fully recover from injuries diminishes. So, if you're younger, you've got a better chance of fully recovering, but that's still taking a physical toll on you. Similarly, if you do take the time to build yourself up, and get training, that may be provoked by your abuse, but it's not caused by it.

The aphorism, “that which does not kill me makes me stronger,” might be empowering, but as you get older, you start to understand that maybe it should be read as, “that which does not kill me makes me stranger.”

I don't mean to diminish your experiences, but the person you became as a result of that was a product of how you chose to deal with those challenges, and overcame them. It was not a product of deterministic biological processes.

Now, having said that, you can learn from physical trauma. You can learn to judge how much of your body's pain response can be ignored, in the moment. You can learn to keep a cool head through an adrenaline rush.

However, if you're regularly dealing with physical strain, that will have a severe toll on your body. I had my first conversation with my doctor about the eventual need for knee replacement surgery before I turned 40. (I still have my original knees, but I also experience bone on bone grinding.) Intensive martial arts training, gymnastics, or violence, will wear your body down with shocking speed.

Traumatic experiences make you into who you are. They can drive you to become a better person than you were before, but you own that choice. That was your decision, not something that someone else did to you.

Adversity can be a motivator or it can destroy you. Ultimately, how you deal with that is your choice. But it was your choice. Saying, “bullying made me stronger,” robs you of the decision you made, it takes away the strength you found, and assumes that it was a passive consequence. It wasn't. You became stronger because what you chose to do. (Also, because kids do get physically stronger as they get older. That's kinda how that pesky 'growing up' thing works.)

-Starke

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[mostlysignssomeportents]

The new globalism is global labor

For the rest of May, my bestselling solarpunk utopian novel THE LOST CAUSE (2023) is available as a $2.99, DRM-free ebook!

Depending on how you look at it, I either grew up in the periphery of the labor movement, or atop it, or surrounded by it. For a kid, labor issues don't really hold a lot of urgency – in places with mature labor movements, kids don't really have jobs, and the part-time jobs I had as a kid (paper route, cleaning a dance studio) were pretty benign.

Ironically, one of the reasons that labor issues barely registered for me as a kid was that my parents were in great, strong unions: Ontario teachers' unions, which protected teachers from exploitative working conditions and from retaliation when they advocated for their students, striking for better schools as well as better working conditions.

Ontario teachers' unions were strong enough that they could take the lead on workplace organization, to the benefit of teachers at every part of their careers, as well as students and the system as a whole. Back in the early 1980s, Ontario schools faced a demographic crisis. After years of declining enrollment, the number of students entering the system was rapidly increasing.

That meant that each level of the system – primary, junior, secondary – was about to go through a whipsaw, in which low numbers of students would be followed by large numbers. For a unionized education workforce, this presented a crisis: normally, a severe contraction in student numbers would trigger layoffs, on a last-in, first-out basis. That meant that layoffs loomed for junior teachers, who would almost certainly end up retraining for another career. When student numbers picked up again, those teachers wouldn't be in the workforce anymore, and worse, a lot of the senior teachers who got priority during layoffs would be retiring, magnifying the crisis.

The teachers' unions were strong, and they cared about students and teachers, both those at the start of their careers and those who'd given many years of service. They came up with an amazing solution: "self-funded sabbaticals." Teachers with a set number of years of seniority could choose to take four years at 80% salary, and get a fifth year off at 80% salary (actually, they could take their year off any time from the third year on).

This allowed Ontario to increase its workforce by about 20%, for free. Senior teachers got a year off to spend with their families, or on continuing education, or for travel. Junior teachers' jobs were protected. Students coming into the system had adequate classroom staff, in a mix of both senior and junior teachers.

This worked great for everyone, including my family. My parents both took their four-over-five year in 1983/84. They rented out our house for six months, charging enough to cover the mortgage. We flew to London, took a ferry to France, and leased a little sedan. For the next six months, we drove around Europe, visiting fourteen countries while my parents homeschooled us on the long highway stretches and in laundromats. We stayed in youth hostels and took a train to Leningrad to visit my family there. We saw Christmas Midnight Mass at the Vatican and walked around the Parthenon. We saw Guernica at the Prado. We visited a computer lab in Paris and I learned to program Logo in French. We hung out with my parents' teacher pals who were civilian educators at a Canadian Forces Base in Baden-Baden. I bought an amazing hand-carved chess set in Seville with medieval motifs that sung to my D&D playing heart. It was amazing.

No, really, it was amazing. Unions and the social contract they bargained for transformed my family's life chances. My dad came to Canada as a refugee, the son of a teen mother who'd been deeply traumatized by her civil defense service as a child during the Siege of Leningrad. My mother was the eldest child of a man who, at thirteen, had dropped out of school to support his nine brothers and sisters after the death of his father. My parents grew up to not only own a home, but to be able to take their sons on a latter-day version of the Grand Tour that was once the exclusive province of weak-chinned toffs from the uppermost of crusts:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grand_Tour

My parents were active in labor causes and in their unions, of course, but that was just part of their activist lives. My mother was a leader in the fight for legal abortion rights in Canada:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/doctorow/8882641733

My dad was active in party politics with the New Democratic Party, and both he and my mother were deeply involved with the fight against nuclear arms proliferation, a major issue in Canada, given our role in supplying radioisotopes to the US, building key components for ICBMs, testing cruise missiles over Labrador, and our participation in NORAD.

Abortion rights and nuclear arms proliferation were my own entry into political activism. When I was 13, I organized a large contingent from my school to march on Queen's Park, the seat of the Provincial Parliament, to demand an end to Ontario's active and critical participation in the hastening of global nuclear conflagration:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/doctorow/53616011737/

When I got a little older, I started helping with clinic defense and counterprotests at the Morgentaler Clinic and other sites in Toronto that provided safe access to women's health, including abortions:

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/morgentaler-honoured-by-order-of-canada-federal-government-not-involved-1.716775

My teens were a period of deepening involvement in politics. It was hard work, but rewarding and fundamentally hopeful. There, in the shadow of imminent nuclear armageddon, there was a role for me to play, a way to be more than a passive passenger on a runaway train, to participate in the effort to pull the brake lever before we ran over the cliff.

In hindsight, though, I can see that even as my activism intensified, it also got harder. We struggled more to find places to meet, to find phones and computers to use, to find people who could explain how to get a permit for a demonstration or to get legal assistance for comrades in jail after a civil disobedience action.

What I couldn't see at the time was that all of this was provided by organized labor. The labor movement had the halls, the photocopiers, the lawyers, the experience – the infrastructure. Even for campaigns that were directly about labor rights – campaigns for abortion rights, or against nuclear annihilation – the labor movement was the material, tangible base for our activities.

Look, riding a bicycle around all night wheatpasting posters to telephone poles to turn out people for an upcoming demonstration is hard work, but it's much harder if you have to pay for xeroxing at Kinko's rather than getting it for free at the union hall. Worse, the demonstration turnout suffers more because the union phone-trees and newsletters stop bringing out the numbers they once brought out.

This was why the neoliberal project took such savage aim at labor: they understood that a strong labor movement was foundation of antiimperialist, antiracist, antisexist struggles for justice. By dismantling labor, the ruling class kicked the legs out from under all the other fights that mattered.

Every year, it got harder to fight for any kind of better world. We activist kids grew to our twenties and foundered, spending precious hours searching for a room to hold a meeting, leaving us with fewer hours to spend organizing the thing we were meeting for. But gradually, we rebuilt. We started to stand up our own fragile, brittle, nascent structures that stood in for the mature and solid labor foundation that we'd grown up with.

The first time I got an inkling of what was going on came in 1999, with the Battle of Seattle: the mass protests over the WTO. Yes, labor turned out in force for those mass demonstrations, but they weren't its leaders. The militancy, the leadership, and the organization came out of groups that could loosely be called "post-labor" – not in the sense that they no longer believed in labor causes, but in the sense that they were being organized outside of traditional labor.

Labor was in retreat. Five years earlier, organized labor had responded to NAFTA by organizing against Mexican workers, rather than the bosses who wanted to ship jobs to Mexico. It wasn't unusual to see cars in Ontario with CAW bumper stickers alongside xenophobic stickers taking aim at Mexicans, not bosses. Those were the only workers that organized labor saw as competitors for labor rights: this was also the heyday of "two-tier" contracts, which protected benefits for senior workers while leaving their junior comrades exposed to bosses' most sadistic practices, while still expecting junior workers to pay dues to a union that wouldn't protect them:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/11/25/strikesgiving/#shed-a-tier

Two-tier contracts were the opposite of the solidarity that my parents' teachers' union exhibited in the early 1980s; blaming Mexican workers for automakers' offshoring was the opposite of the solidarity that built transracial and international labor power in the early days of the union movement:

https://unionhall.aflcio.org/bloomington-normal-trades-and-labor-assembly/labor-culture/edge-anarchy-first-class-pullman-strike

As labor withered under a sustained, multi-decades-long assault on workers' rights, other movements started to recapitulate the evolution of early labor, shoring up fragile movements that lacked legal protections, weathering setbacks, and building a "progressive" coalition that encompassed numerous issues. And then that movement started to support a new wave of labor organizing, situating labor issues on a continuum of justice questions, from race to gender to predatory college lending.

Young workers from every sector joined ossified unions with corrupt, sellout leaders and helped engineer their ouster, turning these dying old unions into engines of successful labor militancy:

https://theintercept.com/2023/04/07/deconstructed-union-dhl-teamsters-uaw/

In other words, we're in the midst of a reversal of the historic role of labor and other social justice movements. Whereas once labor anchored a large collection of smaller, less unified social movements; today those social movements are helping bring back a weakened and fragmented labor movement.

One of the key organizing questions for today is whether these two movements can continue to co-evolve and, eventually, merge. For example: there can be no successful climate action without climate justice. The least paid workers in America are also the most racially disfavored. The gender pay-gap exists in all labor markets. For labor, integrating social justice questions isn't just morally sound, it's also tactically necessary.

One thing such a fusion can produce is a truly international labor movement. Today, social justice movements are transnational: the successful Irish campaign for abortion rights was closely linked to key abortion rights struggles in Argentina and Poland, and today, abortion rights organizers from all over the world are involved in mailing medication abortion pills to America.

A global labor movement is necessary, and not just to defeat the divide-and-rule tactics of the NAFTA fight. The WTO's legacy is a firmly global capitalism: workers all over the world are fighting the same corporations. The strong unions of one country are threatened by weak labor in other countries where their key corporations seek to shift manufacturing or service delivery. But those same strong unions are able to use their power to help their comrades abroad protect their labor rights, depriving their common adversary of an easily exploited workforce.

A key recent example is Mercedes, part of the Daimler global octopus. Mercedes' home turf is Germany, which boasts some of the strongest autoworker unions in the world. In the USA, Mercedes – like other German auto giants – preferentially manufactures its cars in the South, America's "onshore-offshore" crime havens, where labor laws are both virtually nonexistent and largely unenforced. This allows Mercedes to exploit and endanger a largely Black workforce in a "right to work" territory where unions are nearly impossible to form and sustain.

Mercedes just defeated a hard-fought union drive in Vance, Alabama. In part, this was due to admitted tactical blunders from the UAW, who have recently racked up unprecedented victories in Tennessee and North Carolina:

https://paydayreport.com/uaw-admits-digital-heavy-organizing-committee-light-approach-failed-them-in-alabama-at-mercedes/

But mostly, this was because Mercedes cheated. They flagrantly violated labor law to sabotage the union vote. That's where it gets interesting. German workers have successfully lobbied the German parliament for the Supply Chain Act, an anticorruption law that punishes German companies that violate labor law abroad. That means that even though the UAW just lost their election, they might inflict some serious pain on Mercedes, who face a fine of 2% of their global annual revenue, and a ban on selling cars to the German government:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/10/an-injury-to-one/#is-an-injury-to-all

This is another way reversal of the post-neoliberal era. Whereas once the US exported its most rapacious corporate practices all over the world, today, global labor stands a chance of exporting workers' rights from weak territories to strong ones.

Here's an American analogy: the US's two most populous states are California and Texas. The policies of these states ripple out over the whole country, and even beyond. When Texas requires textbooks that ban evolution, every pupil in the country is at risk of getting a textbook that embraces Young Earth Creationism. When California enacts strict emission standards, every car in the country gets cleaner tailpipes. The WTO was a Texas-style export: a race to the bottom, all around the world. The moment we're living through now, as global social movements fuse with global labor, are a California-style export, a race to the top.

This is a weird upside to global monopoly capitalism. It's how antitrust regulators all over the world are taking on corporations whose power rivals global superpowers like the USA and China: because they're all fighting the same corporations, they can share tactics and even recycle evidence from one-another's antitrust cases:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2024/05/big-tech-eu-drop-dead

Look, the UAW messed up in Alabama. A successful union vote is won before the first ballot is cast. If your ground game isn't strong enough to know the outcome of the vote before the ballot box opens, you need more organizing, not a vote:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/23/a-collective-bargain/

But thanks to global labor – and its enemy, global capitalism – the UAW gets another chance. Global capitalism is rich and powerful, but it has key weaknesses. Its drive to "efficiency" makes it terribly vulnerable, and a disruption anywhere in its supply chain can bring the whole global empire to its knees:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/21/eight-and-skate/#strike-to-rule

American workers – especially swing-state workers who swung for Trump and are leaning his way again – overwhelmingly support a pro-labor agenda. They are furious over "price gouging and outrageous corporate profits…wealthy corporate CEOs and billionaires [not] paying what they should in taxes and the top 1% gaming the system":

https://www.americanfamilyvoices.org/_files/ugd/d4d64f_6c3dff0c3da74098b07ed3f086705af2.pdf

They support universal healthcare, and value Medicare and Social Security, and trust the Democrats to manage both better than Republicans will. They support "abortion rights, affordable child care, and even forgiving student loans":

https://prospect.org/politics/2024-05-20-bidens-working-class-slump/

The problem is that these blue-collar voters are atomized. They no longer meet in union halls – they belong to gun clubs affiliated with the NRA. There are enough people who are a) undecided and b) union members in these swing states to defeat Trump. This is why labor power matters, and why a fusion of American labor and social justice movements matters – and why an international fusion of a labor-social justice coalition is our best hope for a habitable planet and a decent lives for our families.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/20/a-common-foe/#the-multinational-playbook

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#55: The Future Generations (1.06)

gif cred: @ricksmarlene

The CRM was so convinced that they were creating a better world for future generations but they failed to see how they’re actually destroying and traumatizing the youth and those that survive their horrible attacks. But fortunately, Rick and Michonne see right through them. 👌🏽 And what I see within these next scenes is the most gorgeous shot of Richonne of all time 🤩...

Beale and Rick continue their meeting and Beale reveals that, similar to Okafor, he also sacrificed people he cared about, his home, and the whole city of Pittsburg for the “greater good” of saving Philadelphia.

Then Beale says, “It’s not exactly tearing into a person with your canines, but it’s not nothing. isn’t that right?” Why do I have a feeling that of all the soldiers he’s asked that same question of what’s the worst thing you’ve done, Rick gave Beale the craziest answer he’s ever heard lol? 🤭

Rick replies, “No it’s not nothing, sir...My dad taught me, for better or worse…some things have to burn to bring things back.” And Beale agrees with that line of thinking, saying, “It was that. The sword that kills is the sword that brings life. I killed my past and a whole city so another could live.”

Whenever I hear Beale talk about the sword bringing life I always think Rick would agree with him it’s just Beale’s talking about the wrong sword.

Also, it’s interesting hearing Beale say he killed his past because the CRM nearly killed Rick’s past too by taking away the images of his loved ones from his mind. But fortunately, the sword-wielding woman who gives Rick life helped restore what the CRM tried to take from him. 😇

Beale tells Rick the first secret which is that the most likely outcome is they’re all gonna die. And then we see Michonne enter an auditorium where a projector shows a bunch of photos of little kids as a robotic-sounding soldier goes over the Child Evacuation Protocol of their horrific Operation N1W.

Then y’all, we’re hit with a stunning shot of Rick and Michonne in that candlelit bed scene, and the lighting and framing of it all is perfect. 🙌🏽

And of course, now that Michonne is no longer facing away from Rick they’re back up on each other as expected. 😊 Michonne looks up at Rick with her ring-clad hand on his face as she says, “So, we’re born this way.” And the eye contact. 🫠 My goodness, they invented chemistry. 💯

They cut to several more clips of Richonne kicking butt in TWD that just further hammers home that they’re cut from the same cloth. And then Rick smiles down at Michonne and says, “I guess so.”

I love that Rick and Michonne found someone who matches their crazy and their fighting spirit so much to where they can both just know 'we were born like this and that’s okay.' In fact, being a bit certifiably crazy is part of why they’re still here. 👌🏽 And they're crazy about each other which is part of what makes this story about 'crazy love' so golden.

Back in the echelon briefing, Rick learns that according to Beale humans only have 14 years left before extinction and that’s why the CRM does what it does.

Rick inquires about what they do and Beale says, “We’re trying to beat the odds, Grimes.” Then they cut to more TWD clips of Rick and Michonne, and I like how intercutting between Rick and Michonne clips really makes it feel like these two are one being. The baddest being. 😌

Michonne is appalled by what she is learning in the auditorium and Rick is appalled by what he’s learning in the briefing as Beale finally shares what the CRM is really up to. Beale says that they destroy other communities for resources, strategic superiority, and the CRM's favorite line “to ensure the city’s secrecy and security above all.”

I like the parallel clips they use of Rick looking up at a helicopter in TWD season 8 and in TOWL ep 1, as he learns that these helicopters he saw were likely heading out to cause some serious destruction. 

Michonne sits in the auditorium as it's revealed that the CRM intends to evacuate 10% of the children before the area is gassed and its population is liquidated. And you already know none of this is happening on Mama Michonne’s watch. She’s going to fight for these kids and her kids because clearly, this 'last light of the world' doesn’t care who they hurt.

gif cred: @nerd4music

And I know after having been gassed herself, Michonne is especially horrified that they intend to do it again to tons of innocent people.

Meanwhile, Beale tells Rick they have spies throughout the world to monitor and potentially sabotage others. Jadis must have been trying to win Spy of the Month, the way she stayed sabotaging Richonne and team family back in the day. 😒

Beale says the CRM was behind destroying Omaha and in 18 hours they’ll destroy Portland to become the supreme force on the continent.

And then we’re blessed with another great shot of Rick and Michonne in bed as Rick says they’ll tell the Civic Republic the truth about what the CRM does, like the bombing.

Rick says “if they won’t who will?” as Michonne intently says, “No one” and I admit I’m not the craziest about this dialogue but what it lacks in subtlety it more than makes up for with the stunning visual.

Because then Rick notes that they don’t leave people behind and Michonne affirms that this is what they do and y’all the visual of her sliding her ring-clad hand in his hair as they look at each other…Put it in the Louvre. 🤩🖼

This gorgeous visual right here is truly my favorite Richonne visual of all time. 👏🏽 These two are some serious stunners and this shot is a mesmerizing work of art. 😍🔥

gif cred: @lousolversons

Beale continues to give Rick the 411 on what they’re about to do and he’s so emotionally removed from the fact that he’s talking about wiping out a whole city of people. That alone lets you know his brand of crazy is a major problem and Rick can sense that too as he starts to reach for his knife.

Beale also says they’ll continue to take the resources of even more communities they find, which means eventually they’ll end up on ASZ's doorstep.

As Beale says, “Maybe we get to survive'' there are quick clips shown from several surviving members of the TWD cast. Michonne then radios Rick in the auditorium while she listens to the soldiers talk in a cold and disconnected manner about the trauma they’re bound to put these kids through.

In the final bedroom scene, Rick continues to go over he and Michonne’s plan and he lets her know to key the walkie if anything changes and then he’ll get back to her when he can. Hearing that is always sweet to me because even with the stuff he has to take care of with the plan, he wants her to be assured he’ll get to her if she needs him.

gif cred: @nat111love

Looking like a beautiful mermaid, Michonne says, “if I can be gotten back to.” 🧜🏾‍♀️ And then Rick’s walkie goes off in the briefing. 😬

Beale notices and Rick is quick on his feet saying it was just Thorne. Back in the auditorium, Danai does a great job communicating Michonne’s horror even through a mask as the CRM soldier continues their cold and emotionally detached speech even calling the stuffed animals “comfort items” to “furnish” the children with. 

As the projector lands on the final image of a young Black boy (which I like how Danai wanted that pic to be the final one to connect to Michonne’s kids RJ and Andre) we then get more TWD clips of the adorable Grimes kids. And I like how each clip feels like it embodies a different season - fall, winter, summer.

There’s Carl smiling on those train tracks. 😭 Judith smiling and hugging Michonne in the snow. 😭 And RJ’s adorable little smile at the beach. 😭 And then, having seen enough, Michonne makes her way out of the auditorium. 

I feel like here is a good time to note something regarding the CRM too. I know some felt like the handling of the CRM was rushed in TOWL and wanted it to be explored more in the show, but I think the CRM/Civic Repiblic was actually intended to be more of an arena for a far more personal story being told in The Ones Who Live.

This show was more about Rick and Michonne navigating a journey to overcome a lot of internal imprisonment, and the CRM was always explored in relation to that more contained and personal story of these two characters finding themselves and each other again.

At least in TOWL (I can’t really speak on any other spinoff show in the twdu since I don't watch them) we’re always seeing the CRM through the lens of how it impacts Rick and Michonne specifically. The CRM makes Rick lose himself, they make Michonne nearly lose her life when they gas her and her friends, they almost cause a major wedge in Richonne’s relationship and nearly keep them from going home together.

The CRM had done a lot of damage throughout the miniseries so it’s not like their impact isn’t felt, it's just not necessarily dived into on a grander scale outside of Rick and Michonne because this is Rick and Michonne’s story.

gif cred: @nat111love

This miniseries was always meant to give Richonne closure, not launch the next ten years of the twdu. So for me personally, I was more than fine with Richonne getting substantially more focus than the CRM stuff.

Also, one of the main things to acknowledge about the CRM is that it makes everyone lose themselves. All these soldiers become faceless cogs in the machine, devoid of caring about anything other than the mission.

We see this with Pearl becoming a convert and becoming so obsessively mission-minded. That’s what the CRM does to its soldiers - strips them of what makes them human, so they can just obediently go along with these heinous acts for the so-called greater good. So in a sense, the way the CRM felt faceless and distant might’ve been the point. That’s what you have to be to belong to this military.

And lifeless and distant is what the CRM nearly made Rick. However, what we saw in TOWL's actual core plot is that Rick did devastatingly lose himself but he found himself again when his other half reentered his life.

In fact, Rick is fully cognizant of the fact that his beloved wife and son are why he didn’t succumb to losing himself and being in the same emotionally numb state that Beale, Okafor, Jadis, and Pearl ended up in.

And in his final confrontation with Beale, Rick makes it known the ones who truly give him something to live for. 😌👌🏽

[blade-liger-4ever]

Why I'm not big into TFP Arcee

Now don't get me wrong, TFP Arcee is the only version of the character I'll ever give almost 100% respect. However, I'm really tired of all the gushing and praise she gets, and that's not counting how much I ended up hating her in S2. Now, admittedly, most of my beef with her is in her treatment of Smokescreen, but in light of @chaoticcreatorgardendean's points about her characterization in S1, I'll lightly tackle her problems there.

No worries, this - shouldn't, I hope - be as bad as my dressing down of Jack.

So, when Arcee is introduced, we're told in pretty rapid fashion that she's 1 an aft-kicker in her own right, 2 has a traumatic backstory that left her with a procupine-like exterior to everyone, and 3 that she's very much not all that caring. Yes, I clearly recall her protective streak with Jack; however, that came after she ditched housesitting duty in favor of blowing off steam on patrol. Right here, we see a couple of vices to Arcee's character: she's arrogant in how her skills are used (further emphasized with her arguing against being Jack's guardian), and that she is irresponsible. Face it, she knows better than anyone in the audience that Bulkhead's got a spine made out of chocolate when it comes to kids or pressure of any kind that's not from a Decepticon. To leave him in charge with Miko, the single most strong-willed being in this continuity after Optimus and Megatron, is so reckless and immature that it borders on stupidity. No, she didn't realize that Miko would join the battlefield, but it's pretty dang clear that Miko is a force of nature unto herself. Butter spines + Bombs of willpower = the Butter spines losing. That's just a fact, and it tells us that Arcee, while pretty and bad-butt, has many flaws.

Then comes her saga of arcs with Jack. Not only is she shown to be immature and hypocritical when the race episode comes up, but she also chafes/bites back at authority, even from Optimus. Don't forget, anytime Airachnid or Starscream/revenge was on the table, she flew off the handle and went straight for the kill, practically giving the finger to Optimus numerous times while doing so. Heck, I don't think Optimus even grounded her at base for her insubordination, and while that's kinda respectable insofar as Optimus not being harsh to his pseudo family, it's a tactical risk when letting Arcee's wrath and hatred go unchecked or even unpunished. No joke, Arcee continually almost got herself and others killed when she was greedy for revenge or offended by a bratty kid; the fact that she's not really punished (I'm not counting the race episode because she still disobeyed orders to make Jack look good for the stupid chick) at all is a writing and military failure on everyone involved. Letting her get away with this and not learning from her mistakes, when even Miko (who was also filled to the brim with rage and grief) knew after killing Hardshell that it didn't change what she felt/what happened, is - I don't even know how to categorize it.

Yeah, it's relatable that Arcee is like this, but it's stupid that she doesn't learn, not to mention dangerous for those who try acting like her. In real life, there would have been severe consequences for her actions but, since this is fantasy land where strong females can do whatever and walk away scot-free, a blind eye is turned to Arcee.

Now we come to my biggest problem.

Her treatment of Smokescreen.

I understand that his attitude/personality at first is gonna grate on her nerves, but even slow Bulkhead gave him a better wakeup call by saying what amounted to, "Look at me, kid. You really think war is easy and that you can just go in guns blazing and jump us closer to victory?"

Pits of Kaon, that was literally more thoughtful and thought provoking than Arcee's demeaning points. All she ever did was make him the butt of her own sarcastic commentary, pick on him with various condescending nicknames, and then lash out whenever he was already kicking himself for messing something up. Smokescreen held himself to high standards, an issue that Bulkhead knew and empathized with due to his own insecurities, and tried to comfort him and lift the burden from his shoulders. Smokescreen wouldn't take it because he knew he'd been the one to fail, and felt like a failure and dead weight whenever his presence didn't bring something good to the table. He never wanted it to be all about glory, or fame, or really anything superficial. He just wanted to prove his worth, carry his weight, and do his part.

But Arcee never or wouldn't see that. Instead, she just saw a kid with a supposedly inflated ego and chose to read him the riot act when he was already doing that to himself fourteen different ways from Sunday. She didn't care enough about Smokescreen to actually listen and think "Okay, that's what's going on in his head"; she just wanted someone who would "take things seriously" and was gonna verbally abuse him until he "got the message".

Sweetheart, if you want him to mature, you help him by guiding his steps, nurturing his virtues, and helping him up when he's fallen. You don't do it by telling him how much he stinks for not grasping the state of things in the time it takes to blink, or by kicking him when he's down. All that tells him is that he's a waste of time for the people he's dedicated his whole life to helping, which in turn will make him self-destruct. Now luckily, Smokescreen was of a stronger constitution, and therefore shook off the doubt and fear of ineptitude when faced with bigger problems, but if he were anyone else, who's to say he wouldn't have eaten a bullet out of despair? Arcee would've then had the blood of an innocent life on her conscience, and nothing could have made up for that.

I do, objectively, like TFP Arcee, especially compared to her alternate counterparts.

I just can't stand how she got off so easily so many times.

Well, hope y'all enjoyed this, even though I'm pretty sure I did worse to her than I anticipated.

Til next time -

"Roll out!"

[imnotyetfound]

My take on Five/Lila - and why they were endgame

I’ve seen so many people say that Five and Lila didn’t make any sense, and I just disagree. I've tried to really motivate why, and also why I see them as endgame. Feel free to agree or disagree.

First of all, Five and Lila share a common background of being raised plus trained as survivors and weapons. Five was molded by his time in the apocalypse, the Commission and his ruthless upbringing within the Hargreeves family, while Lila was similarly trained and manipulated by the Handler. Both of them were forced into brutal, high-stakes environments from a young age, developing a sense of independence, ruthlessness, and survival instincts that the rest of the family can’t fully relate to. We see this especially in Five and Lila’s difficulties in showing emotional vulnerability and trusting others. This shared experience means they both understand the cost of their traumatic upbringings and can relate to each other’s emotional scars in ways others just won’t be able to. So already by this, they’re somewhat bonded from the start.

In other similarities both Five and Lila possess extraordinary intelligence and tactical thinking. They challenge each other in a way no one else does. This has been an ongoing thing between them, bouncing off each other and sometimes teaming up. It’s also what drew them to work on another mission together in S4, there has always been some kind of pull/push there. Personality-wise both Five and Lila have a dark sense of humor and a cynical outlook on the world. But despite the cynicism, they still manage to eventually relax and find humor in each other’s company. The lighter moments we’ve seen between them at times have been an interesting contrast to their otherwise serious and violent lifestyles. 

I do believe their shared backgrounds and personalities created a bond that was then further strengthened during the years they spent lost in the subway together. Isolated from the rest of the world, they literally only had each other for company. The intimacy and trust that grew between them was inevitable. When you have no one else to rely on, you’re going to develop a relationship stronger than under normal circumstances. So over those years, they must have grown close in ways that no one else could fully understand. Even though we didn't get to see every detail of how it unfolded (because the season was way too short), it’s not difficult to imagine.

I’d also say they naturally grew a bond stronger than with any other character at that time, except for the one between mother and child which is why Lila’s need to be with her children would always make her go home if given the chance. Five knew this and it’s the reason he kept the solution from her for months. 

Now, to my thoughts about their actions in regards to Diego as this is often brought up. The argument that Lila cheated on her husband with Five is understandable from a moral perspective, if we see it as just that without any context. But when you consider the circumstances it is way more nuanced. You have to look at not only the environment they found themselves in, but also the emotional and psychological journey they went through together. Their relationship was ultimately forged over a shared background and then several years of isolation. Then you add to the fact that Diego seems to have treated Lila like crap in the years leading up to the isolation, she said it herself he was always moping around and complaining while she sacrificed her life to stay at home and take care of the kids. She even told him she needed a break to reassess their relationship. I do believe her and Five had somewhat already begun an emotional affair before the isolation, the way they were sneaking off together and clearly wanted to keep their thing separate from Diego and the others. Yet they still didn’t get physical until they settled down, believing they weren’t gonna find a way back.

Also, it’s important to here consider the strength of the bond, as I mentioned earlier, that Five and Lila must have developed over those years. They knew each other better than anyone else by the end. Spending every day together in a survival situation with nothing else around would likely create an unparalleled level of intimacy and emotional closeness. This bond would probably transcend Lila’s previous relationship with Diego, and maybe even Five’s bond with his siblings. It’s been years since he returned to them and they had all grown in separate directions. Lila and Five however had recently experienced something life-changing together, and it is unfair to dismiss the strength of their connection as something unethical or out of character when their reality had shifted so drastically from when the show started.

Another important point here is how the relationship with Lila allowed Five to finally be "human" and emotionally open in a way he hadn’t allowed himself to be before. Five was obviously emotionally detached as a result of both his past trauma and the burden of being a hyper-intelligent man in the body of a boy. With Lila, he had the chance to just feel love and trust without worrying about anything else. So I do think this outweighs his “betrayal” against his brother as people claim.

Now on to how and why Five and Lila were endgame. I’m convinced that Lila did love Five despite her choice to leave their isolation. To me this was cemented as she didn’t deny her feelings when Diego asked her straight out. If she wanted to make Diego feel better she could have easily denied her feelings for Five to reassure him. Yet even when asked twice she couldn’t do it. There was also Lila’s look of relief when Five returned to them at the end. It was Five who Lila allowed to comfort her after she said goodbye to her family, trusting him in her most vulnerable moment instead of blipping back to Diego and the others. These events showed the deep trust and emotional intimacy that still existed between them after returning to “the real world”. Despite her saying it was over. I also want to add here that Lila took Five’s hand as they were dying, the look between them was for me at least silently saying they loved each other. 

So all in all I do believe that the connection and love between Five and Lila was authentic. It also made sense. They’re able to understand each other’s emotional complexities, including their darker tendencies, without needing to change who they are. Still their time together seemed to actually have softened them both when they finally had the chance to settle down, almost as if they were healing from past trauma together. This would forge a relationship that no one else could replicate without going through the same experience. Making Five and Lila a reasonable endgame, which they also were in my eyes considering they died holding hands.

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Summary:  Five and Lila's shared background of trauma, matched intelligence, and similar personalities means they make sense. They shared a bond that was only further strengthened during their years of isolation. For 7 years they only had each other to rely on. This inevitably created an intimacy and relationship that couldn’t be compared to what they had had with anyone else. Outweighing what they did to Diego when you consider all context. Lila and Five ended up being human and vulnerable with each other on a level they hadn’t been with anyone else. Ultimately Lila’s refusal to deny her feelings for Five, her relief when he returned, him comforting her as she sent her family away and then finally them dying hand-in-hand, showed that they were endgame.