#this would be Doing Things to me even if I didn't have a blorbo to connect it to but you fucking KNOW I'm on my melliwyk bullshit about it
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in the end with all the problems you saw with cr 3, did you have fun and enjoy it?
I've sat on this question a little, and have been pondering it since the finale. As someone else said, I needed to excise the demons the finale awoke within me before I could circle about around and answer this with the genuine thoughtfulness it deserves.
The answer is complicated. If I may use a visual aide, this is what the campaign was like for me:
At a certain point, it's hard not to get frustrated with the story feeling like it's yanking my chain, making me think we'll jump into something interesting (WE ARE SO BACK) only to then resolve the thing in a half hour so we can get back to doing something bland that will take up too much of our time, such as spending twenty irl minutes trying to catch Ashton from falling (IT'S SO OVER). The narrative culmination is not one I enjoyed or found particularly coherent, and I often found the gameplay in general to be more boring in this campaign. I was always LOCKED IN when the Nein was airing, you know? And I found my attention wandering much, much more throughout this campaign, but also I was watching with friends so that helps and it was a group activity for us, so it was fine until the things that I found boring dragged on and on and inevitably baked themselves into the endgame.
Does that mean I disliked all of it? No! I genuinely enjoyed Dorym quite a lot, I loved the vibe of Imogen's backstory and family relations even if I feel we didn't get to explore them enough. This is, perhaps, the first time I've ever been more invested in some NPCs than PCs, which is a totally new vibe for me but I DO love those NPCs (Relvin and Rashinna, you will always be famous to me). I loved the moon exploration we did and I wish we could have spent more time in Kreviris just exploring and I loved FCG and Braius's arcs and the Solstice split and THE CITY OF YIOS I WANNA GO BACK, and ultimately i feel like it was the failure to dig into all of that stuff in favor of the Moon Plot that was the ultimate detriment of the campaign.
So, did I have fun and enjoy it? Yes and no. Some things I loved, some thing I thought were stupid and boring, some things were hard to enjoy in a fandom context because some people have been so precious over their blorbos they spent most of C3 harassing anyone who doesn't share their opinions! In a timeline where I didn't get harassed and vagued about for weeks over writing ONE 150 word post about Relvin Temult, I probably would not have ultimately stanned him as hard and as loudly as I did. Which in itself is both good and bad because I like him but the way we got here...we never need to do that again. To anyone. It was absurd.
At the end of the campaign, I think my biggest emotion is that I'm relieved. I didn't want to be relived that it's over, but I am. I had huge ups and down this campaign and did love and have fun with parts of it, less so with others, so I suppose I'm leaving it behind with a strongly mixed opinion and experience, but I am also looking forward to what comes next with hope for it to be better for me personally.
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[bolts upright in the shower] i need to reorganize my bookshelves
#my showerhead is really low so i am always slouching in there#anyway currently my fiction is kind of vaguely by genre. but this is nonsense. i should be organizing it by what it's doing for me#a) mainly blorbos. or maybe the worldbuilding is really cool or the plot is really absorbing. comfort reads.#b) it's less about the story than it is about the way in which the story is told (though it can also be about the story)#b would be austen; woolf; ishiguro; moby-dick; the name of the rose; if on a winter's night a traveler; their eyes were watching god#but also definitely imperial radch; broken earth trilogy; the raven tower; green bone saga. and poetry by definition#a would be six of crows; graceling realm; some childhood favorites; possibly the dispossessed but i would have to reread to confirm#also the goblin emperor! and maybe babel. maybe connecticut yankee in king arthur's court?? i would have to reread#twain (and dickens) in general would be difficult because they are so fun to read so definitely comfort reads. but also! that satire!#everything i never told you (which i just reread) would go in a. i suspect i claudius would as well but would have to reread#my two favorite short story writers might go in different places? ken liu is definitely b but ted chiang might be a#i don't currently own piranesi because i gave my copy to my sister to give to our impossible-to-shop-for sister for christmas#but reacquiring it is a priority. and when i have it where will it go? oh goodness. that's really hard#with tmbd it would just be which shelf has room for all of them. bc they are doing everything & fit in all categories#i think battle of the linguist mages (which is not even one of my favorite books but it's just so batshit that i have to respect#how batshit it is. and therefore can never get rid of it)#could go in either bc i do really like the worldbuilding but also the main thing it is doing for me is just being really wild#and uncategorizable. and reminding me of how fun it was to discuss it with my sister#books#my posts#i guess if i started mixing in the french books instead of keeping them on their own special shelf i'd be putting dumas in a#and maupassant in b. sartre and queneau in b. ionesco obviously b. the dictionary in b.#verne in a. hugo probably also in a though i respect the grind. really not sure where to put valérie perrin. or colette#this is making me realize i can get rid of some french books because i'm looking at them now and i wouldn't put them in either#because i didn't really get that much out of them. so why am i keeping them?#wow maybe this will help me get rid of more books...the real endgoal. if it's not sparking joy then it's outta here#i could take this further and do it for the nonfiction too. roget's and le robert de poche would definitely be in b
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I haven’t been insane about Vi enough lately so time to pour out some random thoughts. free association thinking time:
been thinking about her “It's my savings. I wanna be rich, okay? So I can travel, eat well, buy cool stuff… So no one can say I can't do something!” And none of the following will really be insightful or revelatory because it’s just what she says here but. yeah! that’s vi! the main reason she’s so big on money is because she has to be to get what she wants out of life! it’s what lets her say no to people telling her what to do, and that’s important to her because she has no choice but to be independent and support herself. because no one else will. No one at the Hive had anything positive or supportive to say about her being an explorer until she went out and did it (to a ridiculously successful degree, too. I have to wonder if/how it might’ve differed if she was on a regular accomplishment level team. not the one leading them all to the mission to the Hive). she never had a choice not to be. I could also see that being a little part of why she starts out not really being a teamwork person. past experiences have taught her she can’t rely on anyone else for support. (does make me wonder about what if she’d met Chubee before leaving the Hive. obviously she still would’ve left, but how might even a bit of support have changed other things?)
I feel like we don’t talk about the fact that The Beemerang Is Also Knives enough
ok so at one point there was this post talking about people with money and how it affects their life like. if you can afford to get a nanny then you can only do the fun parts of childcare and when you stop feeling like taking care of the kid you can just hand them to someone else to take them away. and again likely not especially revelatory but I would guess that’s the kind of way queen bianca handled the bees as her daughters (she does care about them. absolutely. but not in the same hands-on attached way as we usually associate with parents) and thinking about how that kind of treatment would then apply to vi....hm
in universes where discussions of Gender and Pronouns etc happen I think she has moments where she gets frustrated with the everything of Being Referred To and Having Complicated Identity She Hasn’t Quite Figured Yet and is like. gender is cancelled how dare you refer to me. but especially anyone else calls me a girl ever i will be stabbing them
also I think a lot about what circumstances she finds out about gayness/Gender being things. and whether she’s thought about it in herself before and whether she’d been dismissed on it/told it wasn’t a thing etc. most circumstances she ends up angry about the finding out times because of (un)consicious internal conflict stuff
underground tavern stuff implies she was definitely doing quests and stuff for money with them precanon. would kill to know what specifically it was. but also the first talk with utter implies that she was doing stuff off that questboard as well which is even more intriguing. utter’s spy also implies you don’t have to be an explorer to do them but otherwise you would think you did I feel. so again very curious what was up there
#inspired by that girl blorbos post and also me trying to think about where in the game they drop facts and such about precanon stuff w her#the urge to try and fic about the stuff between her leaving the hive and showing up at the association....strong again#'the hive didn't do anything' my ass. vi might have also been a jerk but it's just that she was the more obvious#easily labeled incident version of it. she was active while her treatment was the subtle passive neglect type of bad treatment#complex situation and also. yeah#an aquila original#vi bug fables#bug fables#also featuring funky gender lesbian stuff because thats not even headcanon. to me#hopefully the reasoning out stuff doesn't just come out like a load of nonsense#vi's one of those characters where I definitely feel comfortable in writing her on a basic level but some parts I'm super insecure about#and the part with her is in really capturing the complexities of her backstory and family issues#and the thing is it's like. I have to remind myself that some parts of how canon did her on that are actually decent#and I should pay attention to those complexities. but then also canon definitely did some of their 'this hasn't really been earned'#resolution stuff on her. mostly thinking about the postcanon dialogue with Bianca. it's jsut too much of a jump for that for me#and it's not even that I necessarily think bianca's dialogue is out of character. it's that I'm contemplating whether it would've#made more sense for vi to get angry about it. like.#ok so. sometimes i think about what coming out to my family might be like. and I've come to the conclusion that if they were just accepting#despite the fact that it would be best case scenario I'd be angry about it. because they've said some shitty stuff in the past. in general#they've made me feel unsafe about myself. so no actually you don't get to just suddenly be chill about it now fuck you.#it doesn't change the past hurts#and I could see Vi being like that too. even if part of her is happy about getting what she wanted to start with she's pissed about#only getting it now. with a side helping of also wondering if the approval /now/ is only because she's been so successful about it#what if she hadn't been so specially favored by elizant? what if she hadn't been on the team that saved the world? why did she (maybe) have#to earn the approval she should've had from the start?#also not gonna get into this one right now but tweaking her story with jaune to acknowledge that theyre both at fault in different ways#(again). would be nice#but now I'm definitely veering into repeating myself type rambling territory so
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You say “Jump” I say “Forget it” (Patreon)
#Doodles#Vent#>:/#It was fine at first and then everything very quickly took a bad sharp turn >:0#I've had the great fortune to not have to Deal with someone being intentionally Bad Authority over me for a while now#So when it happened I was caught a bit unawares - they made it very clear that I Was Being The Problem (in their opinion) so I took that#Took about a day to realize Hey No Wait - they were being intentionally rude to me and then turned it back around on me how very uncool#Luckily I never have to see this person again! But it does mean I get to go shopping for an alternative egh#I know it's a power trip thing but really - I'll never understand people who go into a profession about Being Good At Thing#And then shaming others for wanting to make sure they are in fact Good At Thing - if I have concerns shouldn't it be easy to assuage me?#Someone who doesn't Know Thing? You can just be like ''Yes look at this thing I know'' but no - ''Why are you questioning me?''#Because I don't Know You! Geh blegh#Whatever it's over now - I'm more armed for next time as well#Expensive learning experience not one I cared for >:0 But I Have learned and Will apply it so pfbtl#I was offline at the time too so I didn't have my usual ways of taking information out of my head and onto screen to parse haha#I do love data gathering! Digital compartmentalization tends to be easier but pfbtl - more learning more things to apply it's fine it's fine#Doubly unsurprising I had a spike of low days following as well gah - I would love to be unaffected and just say ''It doesn't matter''#Just excise it from my head and be done with it! But no chemistry is wack thanks#At least there was a bright spot here and there <3 Silliness can be had even in with the frustrations and thank goodness for that#Blorbo projection helps a bit where I can sneak it in (lol)
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reading this book on urban exploration and also stumbling onto a youtuber who is doing (and explaining!) literal ancient alchemy is doing something to my brain chemistry (positive)
#ROTATING MY BLORBOS EVEN FASTER.#THIS DUDE HANDCRAFTED A RENAISSANCE BLOW TORCH INCLUDING A CLAY OIL LAMP#HE'S OUT HERE REFINING POT-ASH WITH THE CRUCIBLE HE ALSO MADE#this would be Doing Things to me even if I didn't have a blorbo to connect it to but you fucking KNOW I'm on my melliwyk bullshit about it#the problem with the urban exploration book is that I am so much of a coward about Getting In Trouble#that reading about it is very exciting and inspiring but less actionable than 'I have GOT to get a workbench down here'#but it is giving my brain a lot of felix stuff to chew on#I guess the tl;dr is that the parts of my brain that reflect the gnomish drive to explore and discover and tinker and make and fix#is lighting the fuck up and it feels really good#about me#my OCs#melliwyk#felix#gnome stuff
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hey remember when i left those tags on that post?
i still don’t want to talk about what the work of fiction is but i legit just got reminded today that while it’s been like over 15 years that i did want to check this thing, the character that “caught my interest like 7 years ago” actually caught my interest 12 years ago. As in, there was a specific moment in time when i wanted to get into it because i learnt about the character in question.
i’ve been in hysterics for the past ten minutes because i’m realizing it’s been over a decade that once in a while i had humored starting this thing, and that while it definitely started out of another place, it’s been 12 years that steadily it was because this character was standing out to me enough that i wanted to get into it, but then forgot all about it, and now i’m out there actually getting into it after a *dream that came out of nowhere about this chara popping up while i haven’t thought of them in years* and i’m just.
bestfriendo is making fun of me because “this is the most slowburn in all of history of fav characters” and i’m screaming into my hands, imagine considering getting into something for OVER A DECADE while constantly one character keeps standing out for you and eventually you just get a dream out of nowhere of this chara like a sudden “hey. I’ve been sending you messages about it for the past decade why the fuck are you leaving me on read” and now you’re not only forced to pay attention but also forced to realize YOU COULD HAVE STARTED ALL OF THAT OVER TEN YEARS AGO i’m feeling so unwell.
#like yes the chara is absolutely my type in general and it's like. the least surprising thing ever#when i started to get obsessed i thought 'i'll make a playlist in time but for now i'll listen to a playlist of another chara i love'#only to realize upon listening to it that 90% of the songs of this playlist fit the new fav#so you can imagine already how frustrated i am about all of this#and still currently i'm meddling with a lot of content where the chara in question doesn't appear#like i've seen a few of their content and i didn't even like everything i've seen so far (but what i liked i REALLY liked)#imagine all of that bullshit and i don't even like the character in the end??? imagine that would happen???#that's also one of the reason i don't want to talk about it on main until i know for certain how i feel about it#but honestly the other reason is that it's just a little too wild for me right now#if i actually do like this character this would indeed be a fucking catastrophe for me because of this history#i'm having the worst of moments ever talk about a character refusing to leave you alone without even knowing that much about them???????#if i end up discovering there were other incidents of 'yeah this chara got my interest' preceeding the 12years old incident i quit#im done. this would be the worst thing ever what the hell is happenign to me.#ichatalks#Mystery Blorbo
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this is petty n most likely an issue of ive just been exposed to entirely different shit but those posts about how people complaining about redemption arcs is bad bc its important message that people can change is just completely ignoring why people are actually complaining cause the big two examples i can think of for why people complain about redemptions are 1. the redemption is poorly written n ignores and/or retcons the previous seriousness of their wrongdoings just because the writer(s) want them to be good now n its kind of hard to do that if (for example) we take the lives they intentionally n mercilessly killed into account and 2. this character is an abuser but instead of taking accountability n bare minimum apologizing n letting their victim(s) choose whether they wish to still have them in their life the writer(s) choose a narrative where the abuser doesnt really have to change as a person they just dont abuse anyone anymore n the framing is weirdly unsympathetic to their victim(s)
#bonk.txt#annoys me even more bc of it using the good place as an example bc THE GOOD PLACE HAVE AN ABUSER WHO BECOMES A BETTER PERSON#AND IS SYMPATHETIC TO HER VICTIM FOR BEING HURT N UPSET THAT HER MOM WAS CAPABLE OF CHANGE BUT DIDNT CHANGE FOR HER#its not the concept of someone improving n growing as a person as a person that people dislike they dislike bad inconsistent writing#n (intentional or not) narratives of abuse victims having to forgive their abuser and or ignore the harm done to them!!#the elements of ''its kind of facist to not forgive people'' and ''i was kind of a shit person so its important for me to see characters#who are also kind of shit change as people'' also suck#first thing it is an actual issue that people are unforgiving n ignore how someone's changed to go after them for shit that is years old#but as already stated thats not the usual reason people complain about this shit n it feels disingenuous to bring that up#cause people thought a show you liked is badly written when that tactic is usually used to target minorities n silence them for disagreeing#with someone or being mildly annoying#usually they didn't even do anything to warrant this response n the shit being dug up to vilify them is like a nonissue twisted into harm#second thing is like ur probably perceiving urself as worse than you are you definitely never killed anyone n you most likely havent#intentionally cultivated a situation where u can get away with multiple people with no consequences ur at worst probably just an asshole#n its a weird overreaction to reach for these kinds of characters when theres more out there that resemble#ur situation n the growth u experience as a person that as a bonus are also probably better written#this is just like straight up brain vomit i i need to go back to bed n also im probably mixing posts in my head but hhh#people dont like bad writing it is mostly that simply n when its not for either of the proper reasons ive stated#then its usually related to some kind of bigotry n holding minorities to a higher standard than they would if it was just some white guy#which is still an actual issue but again unrelated to people disliking that we're capable of change#i complain about it a lot whenever a character is widely hated for at best things they'd forgive their (canonically cishet male) blorbo for#n at worst genuinely nothing just bc the character happens to be nonwhite/a woman/a kid/traumatized/not whatever's considered#to be ''palatable'' but thats a separate issue n not even the point the posts im complaining about are trying to make#the second example (in the actual post ive written n not in the tags) is probably like too specific#n also i havent like touched the thing im vaguing there in years n its how the situation was when it was last touched upon when i still#somewhat kept up to it but whatever the gist is still there even if its not one to one
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Idk man a big disconnect I have especially with online conversations is the one where I'm like 'I will suck on purpose'. I talk about myself the way that you would talk about a deranged blorbo you love to hate, hate to love.
These plots are so BAD! My writing SUCKS!
This is so sad I cannot believe I am ugly af 😔 Oh well lol!
I am so annoying to talk to bro.
Like if I am not overdramatic and over the top about how life KICKS THE KIT!! Oh!!! Jail for life!! Jail for life for... about twenty more years I don't wanna be here that long l o l- if I'm not that then I'm sad.
I'll say it to anyone who will listen "Be careful what you repeat, because you will internalize it," and, yeah, if you're always saying "Nobody likes me," it ends up being a self fufilling prophecy.
If you say you're not talented, then you'll never appreciate your work and it will always feel lacking. If you call yourself names, then you will always be those names. If you only ever make jokes about wanting to die- serious or not, you will feel them (and also no one will want to be around you).
But also, if I don't say that I'm 'annoying on purpose', then I'll leave the conversation feeling like I fucked up. If I don't make jokes about being a walking ball of trauma, then I'm going to feel really awkward when I slip up and mention something hella traumatic. If I don't jokingly call myself ugly in the same tone I use to mock my favorite characters, then I'm always going to feel gross in pictures or underwhelmed when I dress up in fun outfits.
If I don't mock my own suffering, then all I can do is suffer.
If I don't joke about how it's a shame every one ends up ghosting me, then I sit there. At my computer. I sit and I wonder why no one bothers to text first. I sit there and I think about all of the people who claimed to be so close then just disappeared one day. I think about all of the nice things that I've ever been told and all of the lies that have come with them, and the line gets so, so blurry...
#I have given up on trying to 'things will get better'#I'm tired of trying to convince myself I'm good and worth it#or talented or attractive or cool#like NO#I am a gross little gremlin!!#I am going to put out garbage!!!#someone's gotta do it#someone has to be the cringefail husband#I am the poor little meowmeow committing atrocities#it's okay I'm a little ugly#so is my blorbo and I love him just fine#I would rather embrace myself as a sad untalented loser than hear people try to boast about something that I'm not#it's fine. my stories will never reach people or mean anything to anyone.#that's okay!#I didn't expect them to!#I'm more disappointed by the dozens of people who have asked or even begged for my works... only to ghost me#because that hurts#I don't want to get dressed up just to feel ugly#I don't want to share my stuff just to get ignored#I don't want to talk with people just to feel annoying#I'd rather be unloved then surrounded by empty words#my blorbos and I can be sad and ugly and pathetic and annoying together
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Hi, what are your thoughts on Megatron? Most Starscream fans don't have very positive ones about him lol, but everyone is different and I would like to know that you think
I like Megatron okay, he doesnt bother me but im not like jumping up and down for megatron content yknow? but I get not liking Megatron as a Starscream fan. It's just, you can't deny how intrinsically the two characters are tied together. Really can't have Starscream without Megatron, which is unfortunate for someone like me who does not like drawing Megatron lol!
Maybe the reason most Starscream fans dont like Megatron is because of their abusive relationship? And let's be clear, due to the power imbalance, I do interpret it as an abusive relationship. Despite how much we like to joke that Starscream deserves the punishment he gets (I'm not entirely sure how attempted murder/political assassination attempts factor into an abuse allegory) no one ACTUALLY deserves to be abused. The fact that Starscream is low key also evil and has done evil things is a separate issue from Megatron's abuse of him, we can hold him accountable for the one while also having sympathy because of the other. For me personally tho? Megatron abusing Starscream doesnt make me dislike the character at all, it's honestly the main draw of the dynamic for me. Maybe I just like to see my blorbos suffer…
The G1 Cartoon Megatron is probably the most fun, and I think this dynamic is the most on the level in terms of Starscream dishing back as much as Megatron gives him. They're all just bullies on the playground, their toxic back and forths feel a lot more slap stick and silly than actual abuse. What makes it work I think is that Megatron is not as crazy powerful as he is in later continuities, and Starscream responds to the abuse like a cartoon villain, immediately bouncing back and plotting his revenge, so it's funny rather than upsetting! I also find it hilarious how Megatron is weirdly nice to all the other Decepticons who aren't Starscream lmao? G1 Cartoon Megatron is a 10/10 for me.
If G1 cartoon's Megatron and Starscream are more on an even playing field, Prime Megatron is like the opposite of that. Prime Megatron is so impossibly powerful it almost feels like no one has a chance against him in a fight, and Prime Starscream is so scrunkly and small it's almost laughable. I think I feel the most pity for Prime Starscream when he gets beat up by Megatron, but he almost always makes up for it by being possibly the most evil of the Starscreams. I like how in the third season, he genuinely seems happy to finally dedicate himself fully to Megatron, but you just know how much he'd been beaten down and broken over and over again to even get to that point. Good for him for trying to get revenge in the sequel series. As for Megatron himself, I think more often than not when I am reading fics I see Prime Megatron in my head, and it's his voice I hear. What can I say, it was the first Transformers show I watched haha. Do I love how his redemption arc was handled? Not particularly, it sorta came out of nowhere, felt really rushed, and he just goes away anyway so we don't even get anything out of it. I like redemption arcs in general, but I don't necessarily think this particular Megatron needed one.
To be perfectly honest, I didn't think the 2005 IDW Megatron deserved one either, only because when it comes to over powered, unstoppable, irredeemably evil Megatrons, this one ranked right up there if we take into consideration everything he did before Dark Cybertron. His redemption does kinda come out of nowhere. But like, idk mang! It's also really fun? Like, Bumblebee carrying him around cuz his pants got blown off is hilarious! Him actually upset at Bumblebee's death and then taking Bumblebee's Autobot badge and putting it on over his own was sweet! Him dealing with the crazy crew of the Lost Light is a lot of fun! And him actually having to confronting and deal with what he's done (and other characters dealing with him dealing with it) is a lot more interesting than just him dying. idk. The comics have been around for years by that point, and passed through the hands of many writers, so if a little handwaving and a little contrivance and a little suspension of disbelief is what is required for us to have an honestly pretty fun take on Megatron, I think I'm okay with that.
I do have one complaint tho, mostly based on content I haven't read yet so take it with a grain of salt. I have been told that the adjacent series to the Lost Light Megatron stuff covers Starscream's side of the story and that it does actually address his abuse at the hands of Megatron. My problem is that apparently (and again I haven't read that far yet so this is just hearsay, but apparently) the writers on the Lost Light Megatron stuff didn't get the memo so while Megatron feels bad for and is working at redemption for all the evil war stuff he did to everyone, the one thing he doesnt regret is apparently his treatment of Starscream? Haha, like come on! on the one hand it's really disappointing to me because id like the catharsis of Megatron’s remorse, but...on the other hand, I guess it's kinda true to life actually. Your abusers are people, and they can change and grow and become better, but it doesnt mean they will ever become better for you. It doesnt mean they will ever apologize or even feel bad for what they did. Maybe theres something to be said about having to move on and heal without that. I guess whether this is a complaint I maintain will depend on how its handled.
I get that some people don't think Megatron should ever get a redemption arch, because he's an abuser, a monster, a tyrant, and an evil warlord, and it's completely fair for your stance to be that he should just be killed and that would be justice. I personally really like continuities that treat him more like just some guy. I think Starscream put it best in 2005 IDW during Megatron's trial when he said Megatron wasn't some political genius or the most gifted strategist. He wasn't even the most evil man. In IDW, Megatron started out as a social advocate from the lower class, and despite the problematic narrative of "the bad guy had a point and just did advocacy wrong/went too far," I think the idea that Megatron kinda got swept up by his own hype and was used by people and powers more devious than he is a compelling one.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a2fcd1982fb722ab3f735465871710b6/5edef9bac1cb8a15-fc/s640x960/20ef8d9f9c52d55b280eda8773898b118d8f34d5.jpg)
Starscream is Starscream, so who knows how much of what he says is true and how much is him lying, but this idea just rings true to me. It humanizes him. If handled well, I'm honestly not opposed to stories redeeming Megatron. I'm also not opposed to stories treating him like the devil and just killing him lol. I love a character that can do both!
Uh uh, what else. Earthspark Megatron is nice, I like him. There's...a bit of cognitive dissonance in trying to reconcile the things he chastises Optimus Prime for and the idea that he still was a ruthless warlord at one point, both of which continue to be left unexplored. Transformers One Megatron is neat, I was worried going in how they would handle the switch from Orion Pax's brother to lets start a 4-6 million year war, but like, I like the way he actually was super okay with accepting his lot in life. Like obviously he didnt like it but he didnt see a point in fighting it, and that adamant complacency as a coping mechanism is what lead to his feelings of rage and betrayal by the end. Also I think its hilarious how much younger he is from all the other Decepticon high command, especially Starscream XD.
I don't think I've read or watched anything else with Megatron in it. Man, I wrote a lot. At the end of the day, Megatron is a good character, I like the role he plays in Transformers, I'm not like actually that interested in him on his own but more what he brings to the table when considering Starscream's character. You can't have one without the other! Do I ship them? No, not really, no more than any other ship. But I'll still read Megastar stuff cuz sometimes you just want to watch two people be toxic and make it hurt so good. I'll always prefer Trine stuff anyway ha! Have fun out there!
#transformers#megatron#starscream#megastar#thoughts on transformers#trigger warning for talks of abuse ig#tw: abuse
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the longer i stay in fandom, the longer i think a huge amount of bad takes and discourse come from an... abundance of identifying with a character
to be clear, i don't think it's bad to identify with a character. far from it! i think that's part of what makes fiction so powerful.
and it's only logical people often attach to a blorbo because they're just like me, for real. a person will see some element of themselves-- their race, their gender, their sexuality, their hobbies, their family life, their specific flavour of neurodivergence-- and something just resonates. it gives them a way to explore and name this important part of themselves, a part they maybe didn't even know existed before it.
and everything is well and good until some split between them and the character shows up
because of course, no character, except an explicit self-insert written by yourself, will ever be a perfect 1:1 for your own experiences. so sooner or later-- maybe in canon, maybe in a fanwork-- your blorbo diverges from your lived experience in a huge way.
I think this is why shipping culture in particular gets so toxic. While it is by no means the only way to indulge with shipping, a significant portion is 'if i was in that character's shoes, i would choose X'. the fight becomes for your own self-identity.
but this gets expanded in other ways. a character who is revealed to be black when the majority of the fandom had just assumed they were white. or revealed to be queer, or maybe the 'wrong' flavour of queer. or fuck, even some more innocuous part of their backstory, one that's nonetheless so meaningful for SOMEONE, but now it feels like the story is saying, fuck you, we're doing something else
i don't know. i just feel acknowledging this perceived-attack-on-identity helps me understand why people react it what seems to be such outsized way to canon and fanworks alike.
at the same time, i think it's a really important thing to check in yourself.
it's nice, to see a character who you identify with. who resonates with for being like you. but it's also nice to acknowledge and appreciate the way characters are not like you at All. how great it is to get insight into this totally different lived experience. and to muse on how wonderful that recognition might be for someone who does have that background.
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what people think pro ship means: dangerous people who want to harm children in real life and/or think taboo subjects in real life are justified
what pro ship actually is about: the belief that people are allowed to enjoy fictional thing however they want, as long as it's fictional and no one in real life gets harmed or harassed in any way, and as long as they tag their trigger warnings properly.
most pro ship folks I've come across are just "hey, you like this fucked up thing that is fictional? okay, cool. you do you, man. I myself don't even like this thing that you like, but hey, it's not real. and I trust that you know the difference between fiction and reality, so you do you. if it ever gets too much for me, I will just block or mute you and move on with my life, but that doesn't mean I think you're a horrible person in real life because of the fictional thing you like, it just means I'd rather not see or engage with this thing that can make me uncomfortable. I still want you to have fun doing what you love, and I still think you're cool as fuck. love and respect, dude"
meanwhile most anti ship I've seen are like "omg you like this fictional thing where fictional children are harmed??! Red Flag Red Flag. put this gross piece of shit behind bars immediately!!!"
and I'm just ????? I don't normally engage in fandom wars, but I think, as long as you don't harass anyone in real life and as long as no one in real life is in danger or is harmed, how you enjoy fictional things is none of my business. and I'm not gonna make any "call out post" where I encourage my followers to harass you because you like fucked up fictional things that I personally don't like or believe is wrong either.
I mean, from personal experience, I was exposed against my will to thing I didn't want to see from anti's screenshot of fanart or fanfic where they encourage their followers to harass this person whose fanart or fanfic, that was screenshot and spread by them, was originally tagged properly with all the trigger warnings so that people who didn't want to see it wouldn't get exposed to it. until anti screenshot it and flaunted it around in the name of being morally superior while also, at the same time, advocated for the witch hunt against someone who just wanted to mind their own business. so... the irony. lol
fandoms used to be more peaceful before Fandom Police starts their witch hunting, but it's a good thing we can just block these people and keep on enjoying our blorbos however we want to enjoy them.
and I'll always encourage every artist to write whatever they want, draw whatever they want. don't let people who think they're "morally superior" tell you you can't make art this way or that way. my best advice would be to block and ignore and keep on creating what you want. they may be loud, but at the end of the day they're just noises and they're not worth your attention x
#pro ship#proship safe#fandom#fandoms#fandom police#fandom discourse#fandom drama#blorbo#comfort character#purity culture#cancel culture#anti censorship#stan culture#artist#artists on tumblr#fanfic#fanfiction#ao3#archive of our own#writer#writers#writeblr#writing#fanfic writing#fanfic writer#fanfic writers
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I rewatched the Dragon Prince recently since season 6 is coming out next month (WOOOOOO) so naturally i had to put my most recent blorbos in a The Dragon Prince Au
second part :)
Dragon Prince au masterpost
(drawing notes under the cut if you wanna hear my rambling about the designs!)
Jack
so Jack is a Skywing elf mage-in-training because the power set of Sky mages seems to match Jack's powers the closest. They create gusts of wind, storms, can fly, breathe ice breaths, and frost touches. It was a tough choice between that or a Moonshadow elf, what with the whole invisibility thing, but i just can't imagine Jack not being able to fly :/
And even though most Skywing elves dont have wings, i gave him the wings because vibes and because i can
i did add some moon opal charms to his staff though, so he can do some small moon spells
Toothless
i wanted to adjust some of the details to Toothless's design because i didn't want it to be a 1-to-1 of his design in HTTYD. I noticed the dragons in Xadia all have snouts, horns, and muscled forelegs, and i tried to incorporate some of that to Toothless. With a narrower head and longer legs and more hand like claws.
I added more prominent scales, nose plates (like the storm dragons in TDP) and tried to add more horns to spots on his legs and wings.
I also made Toothless a lot bigger than he is in the HTTYD universe because those Xadian dragons?? Excuse me?? Even a common one is still pretty huge!
There's also a dragon that exists in the Dragon Prince universe called a Midnight Dragon, and it's connected to the Moon Arcanum! They're said to have pitch black scales and are sensitive to light, so i thought it was fitting for Toothless. There weren't any pictures of the dragon tho so i kinda just made the design as i went.
Hiccup
i tried using costume designs from both the first two movies, with the vest, the belts, and the pant pattern.
colors took me longer to figure out, because i wanted to have some red (like in RttE) along with the greens and browns. Overall though im happy with how it turned out!
I think Hiccup would be the son of Commander or General Stoic in the Katolis army some years before or during the events of The Dragon Prince/Mystery of Aaravos.
These designs are for early in the story, before Hiccup loses his leg and when he meets Toothless for the first time. Definitely thinking that him and his village are known for their handling of dragons and elves in the region and then Hiccup shoots Toothless down just like in the movie. But as they become friends, Jack finds them and misunderstands the situation and thinks Hiccup is going to kill Toothless.
So that'll be fun >:)
#tdp#the dragon prince au#httyd#how to train your dragon#rotg#jack frost#hiccup haddock#toothless#i definitely plan on drawing more for this au#im having fun with it#hijack#i also tried to match the art style of the show#it was fun!!
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I feel like I understand people's blorbofication of Javert because I get why someone would really cling onto a complex (male) antagonist with a traumatic past whose entire life is a lie and who kills himself when he reaches that final moment of realization. It is absolutely tragic, and it is easy and natural to cling onto that, we've all been there. But you need to understand that two things are in motion here: the first one is Javert's individual tragedy, and the second one is the broader system he personifies. He's a symbol. His primary function in the narrative is to personify the hateful, bigoted, cruel, inhumane legal system that intervenes after the fact and crushes all those that society has already put down. He, the incarnation of that bourgeois legal system, delivers the final blow. He finishes off what society started, and he does it with joy. When we say that he killed Fantine, it's not even about Javert the individual per se. It's about the entire system he represents. That system killed Fantine and Javert is its flesh and bones. Fantine was a poor girl that was exploited and let down by society in every single way and when she was herself a victim of actual physical violence, the Law, personified by Javert, instead of protecting her treated her like an animal, dehumanized her, humiliated her. The Law was scandalized that a woman like her dared attack the bourgeoisie. The Law was horrified that such a disgusting creature got medical care because she should just drop dead on her street. The Law rejoiced in tearing down her sole protector. The Law prevented her from getting her child back from the con artists that have been stealing her for years because the Law doesn't care about the crimes committed against marginalized people. That's not its function. Its function is to use its discretionary authority in order to dehumanize and punish people that ended up on the wrong side of the street.
So when you come at me with nonsense that Javert "didn't tEchNIcALLy kill Fatnine", "he was just rude", "he was just bitchy", "he just stole her final happy moments", respectfully, you don't know what you're talking about. Javert absolutely killed Fantine. He's not the only one who did but he eagerly and enthusiastically precipitated her execution, and that is the entire point Hugo is trying to make. Your arguments against it are nothing but a mere technicality that stems from the fact that the individual's actions technically do not qualify as manslaughter. It's as if we literally had an individual at court and we were thinking of whether or not to condemn him for manslaughter. It's not about that. It's not about your blorbo and his sadness. Your blorbo has a whole other function in the narrative. You have completely missed the mark of the entire book and you have let your personal emotional attachment for a character prevail over Hugo's main argument about the structural punitive violence that literally kills people. Javert being the product and the embodiment of an entire system that exceeds his individuality does not mean that, as a police officer, he's not responsible for his actions or their consequences. On the contrary, he's precisely entirely responsible for the structural violence committed against Fantine, that's what "embodiment" actually means, that's what we mean when we say that he personifies that system. Absolving Javert of his crimes goes directly against the themes of the book, because while systems operate above individuals by definition, they need those individuals to function. The system needs Javerts. Javerts are everywhere around us, yes even today and it is important to hold them accountable for their crimes. I can't believe I have to explain this tbh.
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Had a good chat with my partner about it today that maybe let me put a finger on what's always bugged me about "we're here to fix canon" attitudes being so prevalent in fandom (especially in the past 10ish years) throughout my life. This is not to say there's never a time or place for that (I've written fix its myself, or the occasional meta on how something could be fixed/improved) or that people are wrong to (we're anti fandom policing). It's also not an issue to me on the basis of "I love my blorbo in canon and fandom mischaracterizes them in the name of 'fixing' them" etc as it is just... coming from a fundamentally different perspective for story analysis / interaction than most (not all) people in fandom, I think.
One of the reasons I enjoyed getting my English degree was because I was finally being encouraged to and taught in alignment with what my brain had always be inclined to do: you always assume that there's a reason, and a good reason, for the story to do whatever it's doing. It assumes that the story is already exactly what it is supposed to be as it is supposed to be, and it's up to you to find the reasons Why.
The story was boring, or made you feel uncomfortable/bad, or you couldn't root for a character or relationship? All of that, at least at the beginning, doesn't really Matter. You assume that the story is paced fine, you assume the discomfort was intentional or part of something broader (historical shit that hasn't aged well) or that the dichotomy of "I feel invested or not invested" isn't useful. And in doing so, you replace all that with asking why.
An example I'll use is 1984 by George Orwell. I read that book in high school and I fucking hated it. Normally, I like the protagonist the most in anything I watch/read, but in that book, I loathed both the two leads and were actively rooting for them to be captured and tortured so the book could end faster; it was an actively miserable affair. I don't think that was necessarily the author's intention (certain amount of death of the author is baked in, but for a lot of the texts I was reading, we didn't even know the author or anything substantial about them, i.e. Beowulf) but, more importantly, I don't think any of those things are Flaws or downsides in the text.
Part of this is because 1984 is a dystopian novel (if a romcom book breaks genre convention that badly where you're miserable reading it, yeah, maybe something went wrong, but more on that in a minute) but even then it doesn't really matter on the basis of genre; I'm sure some people read 1984 and felt fascinated/excited while reading.
Rather, the focus becomes: what do I find so unlikeable about the protagonists? Why would they be written that way (on purpose)? What does it say about the society they live in? What does it say about their characterization, social stratification, etc etc? If a character does something that I think is non-sensical, why? Have I missed something? Should I watch retrospectively for clues? Is there another way to engage and to understand? Is what I label as confusion potentially a, or the, Point?
It is only after finding the reasons, and/or finding them unsuitable, that I let my subjective feelings into play. While a story can have great merit on the basis of relatability, relatability or "this aligns with my worldview / expectations / desires / etc." is not the be-all end-all of discerning quality
For example, I'm never going to be a fan of Jane and Rochester (she's 18, he's her 40 year old employer who routinely lies to her) but there are reasons, Good reasons, they get together in Jane Eyre (a book so subjectively boring I struggled through it twice) in response to both when the book was written and with the book's themes / symbols / their characterization. If they didn't end up together, it would be a fundamentally different story; it would not be Jane Eyre. So objectively, it's fine and an understandably massive influence on the western literary canon; subjectively, it's so fucking bad and I'm so glad I never have to read it again. But if I stopped there with my lack of interest or dislike of the main romance, I'd be missing out on what the text has to offer as well, the text.
This applies to more modern day stuff as well. I don't like Double Trouble from SheRa as nonbinary representation, and I'm nonbinary myself; however, I can acknowledge that the things I don't like about them were probably simultaneously empowering and exactly what the author (who is also nonbinary) wanted to be per his own experience of gender. Having a "I assume the text is right" mindset means that I can hold space for my own feelings/analysis (i.e. I also did not like Catra's arc, as I think she needed to learn other things / be written under a different lens) while holding space for the text as is (under the canonical lens of Catra learning it's never too late to be saved, I think her arc is conclusive and well done). And these two viewpoints aren't fundamentally opposed, but can coexist as analytical soup, being equally true / having equal value under the subjective (my view) and more 'objective' (the canon text's construction, or what I / the scholarly consensus, if it exists, believes it to be, anyway) at the same time.
Again, none of this is to say that you can't take issue with a canon text, or want to change something. I remember one time I was watching a show where their refusal to explore a romantic relationship between the female lead and her guy best friend was actively making the show worse; I understood their reasonings of wanting to put them with other people to explore their relationships, and wanting to emphasize a male-female friendship at the core of the story, and I still wanted them to put the two together as a Ship instead for various reasons. But that doesn't mean my line of thinking would've been Objectively Better—assuming if they had been paired together would've been executed in the manner I'd enjoy, or that them being paired with other people couldn't have been executed in ways I would've enjoyed more—merely that I likely would've enjoyed the series more per my own subjective preferences.
What I see in fandom sometimes is that people, understandably, aren't approaching at the start from a "the story always has a good reason" as much as they are speed-running from a "this didn't make sense to me or felt bad/off" and maybe examining why (which is supremely useful!) but not going back to examine the other side of the coin as to why the story would do it anyway.
Because sometimes the story—or a part of a story—is still 'bad' to us. It's just worthwhile to look at why it's 'good,' too.
#dragons rambles#mine#writing#literature#analysis series#analysis#this is also the singular reason (beyond being able to explain thoughts) why i'm 'good' at analysis tbh#you just ask why. you assume there's a why. you assume there's a good why#only when the story stops giving compelling whys that don't fit into anything else going on does it start Declining tbh#atla fandom im looking at u#'i don't understand why kataang ended up together / the lion turtle energy bending' have u honest to god tried to#this is also reflected in how i write bc whenever my story changes it's underpinned with a feeling of#'this is always the way the story was i just didn't know it till now'#also contributes to taking 90% of things ppl say in good faith tbh
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Random QL Superlatives: 2024 Edition
It seems @lurkingshan has begun the end of year listicle game. Time to shout out our faves.
Presented (mostly) in the order I watched them.
Favorite Blorbo of the Year: Dynamite in Cooking Crush
I love when a show reveals that someone who has been upbeat or strong is actually carrying a ton of pain. Learning about how Dynamite suffered so much because of his family touched me to my core, and forever solidified the friendship he has with Samsee and Prem.
Favorite Use of Visual Comedy: I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama
This show really had everything, and more than anything it had some of the best visual gags of the year. There is so much humor in the framing of scenes in this show. It was a genuine delight, and I'm so happy I'll get to see Aoyanagi Hajime again next year.
Favorite Facial Hair: Gu Jing in VIP Only
This show ended up rather flat, but damn do I think about this man's face sometimes.
Favorite Disappointment: Last Twilight
This show really could have been great if it didn't fuck up so badly.
Favorite Existential Crisis: Love For Love's Sake
The way this show telegraphed that it would be heavy, and then still managed to gut the audience, is one of the most impressive things I got to witness this year. I love that this show left people with so many different interpretations that don't contradict each other.
Favorite Use of Omegaverse: Tadaima, Okaeri
Yes, there were two BL omegaverse shows this year. No, I did not enjoy the other one. I was instead overinvested in the success of my gay dads and their kids every week. HIKARU IS OUR HERO!
Favorite Use of Food: She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat 2
I love this show with my whole being. If the Japanese don't figure out a way to get this cast to crossover with What Did You Eat Yesterday? honestly what is even the point of putting queer people on TV?
Favorite Reunion Romance: Perfect Propose
I really loved that this show was about two childhood friends both at the end of their ropes. I also loved the way this show used a questionable sexual encounter to jumpstart the dynamic. I'm so glad Hirokuni quit that nasty job, because this was so difficult to watch after having left a very difficult workplace.
Favorite Cast Dynamics: Ossan's Love Returns
"We are family!" In their 3rd or 4th outing, depending on how you want to look at it, I continue to be obsessed with Haruta, Kurosawa, Maki, and their extended network. I loved seeing Haruta and Maki working on their relationship, and I loved seeing them all grapple with the changes in their lives. I hope I never have to fight my in-laws in my kitchen.
Favorite Version of Tay Tawan: Cherry Magic Thailand
Tay Tawan was at his most charming as Karan. I'm so glad that Tay and New are able to work together again.
Favorite Version of Cherry Magic: The Cherry Magic Anime
Despite my opinion that Cherry Magic TH is the best version of Cherry Magic, I still think the anime is my favorite. The characters have an ugliness to them in this version that I really love.
Favorite Use of Yukata: Love is Better the Second Time Around
Despite my qualms with the final arc of this show, I still think about the way this show handled its second chance romance and especially the way it handled sex. Also, this show has a great visual gag in a woman who doesn't deserve this physically restraining a man from proposing to her.
Favorite Performances: The Cast of Unknown
I really think this is my favorite cast of the year. I really loved the way they all played together, and loved the handling of growing up in this show.
Favorite Use of a Mirror: Memory in the Letter
To be clear, I do not recommend this show. However, I was very impressed with all of the acting and technical work around the mirror in this show.
Favorite Show About Actors: At 25:00 in Akasaka
I really loved the way Niihara and Komagine played actors in this show. It's rare that a character withholding the truth of their feelings works out this well. This is one of the best things I watched this year.
Favorite Boy: Igarashi Daichi from Ossan no Pants ga Nandatte Ii Janai ka!
Not BL, but I love Daichi so much that he gets a shout out here. I love that he wasn't a manic pixie dream gay, that he was allowed to be angry, and that he was allowed to be imperfect. Daichi is now forever a part of my soul.
Favorite Rambutan Enjoyer: Venice in Marahuyo Project
Venice is so funny to me. I love that she's not the brightest one in the group, but she understands everything important. She protects Archie because she understands how hurt and scared he is. She accepts everyone who joins their group unquestioningly. She is eating in almost every scene. She is perfect.
Favorite Flirt: Vee in San's Dreams in Century of Love
I think we should let Offroad flirt with Daou more in future shows.
Favorite Narrative: Knock Knock, Boys!
This is favorite show from Thailand this year. I loved the use of every story in this show. The kindness pouring out of this show was really something special. I loved that this show never made fun of Almond for being a version, let Latte have positive relationships with his exes, let Thanwa dress like a normie, and treated Peak's closeted storyline with immense respect. I look forward to showing it to many more people.
Favorite Back: Mahasamut in Love Sea
I loved the way Fort played this man, and I love that we got another BL romantic lead that doesn't look dehydrated. More romantic leads should get to deck abusive fathers in BL.
Favorite Collector of Marbles: Takara in Takara no Vidro
A rare version of the Knowing blessed us this year in Takara. He was overwhelmed by Taishin's naivete, and I really loved seeing a character who absolutely knew who he was. I loved watching a character manage obsessive tendencies, and I loved how he spent much of the show holding back because he was afraid of himself. What a blessing these two were.
Favorite Use of a Workplace: The Trainee
I really loved that GMMTV used one of their best production houses to tell a story about interns in a production house. It was genuinely refreshing to see a workplace show from Thailand where everyone involved understood the work they were portraying. This was a really solid ensemble piece.
Favorite Homo: Shion in Twilight Out of Focus
I love this pink-haired boy. He was loud and competent. He was clear in what he wanted. He said plainly that he wanted a boyfriend, and HE WON. For everyone who got called slurs in their youth, Shion is for you.
Favorite Second Chance: Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo
Hwang Da Seul was determined to get it right this time, and boy did she! This show did a wonderful job establishing the teen romance, justifying its separation, and earning its reunion. Best BL of the year.
Favorite Adaptation: Love in the Big City
Also not BL technically, but there's no way we make a list of shows form this year without acknowledging Nam Yoon Su's incredible performance as Go Yeong and the efforts of literally everyone involved in this show. If there's one show you need to watch this year, it's this one.
Favorite Angry Outburst: Qi Lu in Blue Canvas of Youthful Days
I loved the way Qi Lu got mad about Qian Xiao holding back with him. It's the most I've enjoyed a character being wrong this year. It was the exact right response for a character like him. He knew who he was, what he was feeling, and that Qian Xiao was feeling it, too.
Favorite Cross-Cultural Exchange: Love in the Air: Koi no Yokon
We've had more than a few Thai adaptations of Japanese works. This is the first time MAME work crossed over to Japan, and it's been so cool seeing how much the Japanese team really loves Love in the Air. I feel no competition between the two adaptations of this novel, because it's clear that the Japanese show is a huge fan of the Thai show. It makes so many loving homages to the source work that it's clear this is a passion project for many people involved. It's so cool that we're now seeing Japan adapt Thai works, and I'm so excited to see where this takes us next.
Well, this was fun! Tag me with your list if you make one!
#bl superlatives 2024#cooking crush#i became the main role of a bl drama#vip only#last twilight#love for love's sake#tadaima okaeri#she loves to cook and she loves to eat#perfect propose#ossan's love returns#cherry magic th#cherry magic anime#love is better the second time around#memory in the letter#twilight out of focus#marahuyo project#don't care for an old man's underwear!#at 25:00 in akasaka#unknown the series#blue canvas of youthful days#love in the big city#let free the curse of taekwondo#the trainee the series#takara no vidro#Ossan no Pants ga Nandatte Ii Janai ka!#century of love#knock knock boys#love sea the series#love in the air koi
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I will forever be a believer of Marcy's home life being horrible and her parents being shitty to her, if not straight up abusive. Not because of the whole moving away thing - those things happen in life and they're not proof of evil. What IS concerning to me, however, is the following:
The crashing sound before she runs away - why include that? Put yourself in the shoes of the writers and ask yourself, what would requiere me to add that to the scene? What do I expect to convey with that? My bet is that indicated some kind of physical confrontation, since Marcy's clumsiness is usually played for laughs and this one... wasn't a funny scene.
Running away and not planning to go back ever and intentionally doubling down on her intention to secure her stay in Amphibia and keep her friends with her. She doesn't even miss her parents 😭 that's not normal kid behavior. She was away for over half a year and she never expressed any desire to go back.
"Found family" being her favorite trope -> Anne and Sasha most likely being her "found family" in her eyes. + Wanting to earn the love and approval of adults so desperately. Girl wanted OUT of that house!
Her desperation to keep Anne and Sasha with her at all cost makes me think she really felt she had no one if she didn't have them. To be forever with them she gave up her home, her future on Earth, her mental health, her emotional needs, her family, her morality, everything. She was happy to be their emotionally neglected third wheel forever because that was somehow better than being with her parents. This is one messed up kid if I've ever seen any.
Idc if people find this interpretation annoying or edgy, I'm a sucker for kid characters surviving abuse (it's MY fandom experience and I DECIDE how I proyect onto my blorbos) and I just feel it enriches her character.
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