#this wasnt supposed to happen cause i cant meet their expectations

[septxwber]

it's so unsettling to get out of the shadows

[4pfsukuna]

What about sukuna trying to make reader jealous but readers not fucking with it and gets mad instead or something🤔

Jealous? My facecard dont decline!

Heres something for  Heian era because i wasnt sure what time period you wanted but if you submit this request again I’m more than happy to do a modern day plus smut if you’d like💖 i had so much fun with this!

Waking up in a full nelson at the sound of “wake your stupid ass up” is the last thing Sukuna expects…. Like ever. The grip has him ready to pass back out and the only thing keeping him awake is the fact THRILL that it's you. Now you may be wondering:

“what did he do to make you so mad?”

Discussing fabrics with the seamstress was taking longer than it was supposed to but you didn't mind. not only were you the it girl and material girl of the land you were Sukunas girlfriend meaning you could have anything you want. New wardrobe? Yours. Blood of your enemies? You could have their blood and their enemies blood.

It seemed the only thing you couldn't have was alone time to be a baddie. As the seamstress opened up the jewelry box revealing 3 new sets of gold hoop earrings, 5 gold bracelets, an assortment of anklets and necklaces to match it with the different silk fabrics you grin happily when all of a sudden you hear this agitating sound.

“You’ve been at it for hours with this shit” Sukuna growls, walking in for the fourth time scaring the other woman and finally pissing you off. She doesn’t do her best work when she's terrified because her hands begin to shake.

“Would you fuck off” you hiss at your boyfriend completely annoyed at his pestering antics and the way he just cant take no for an answer. And it wasn’t even that you told him no to anything, it was more so that you just wanted to indulge in yourself, it takes time to be a bad bitch.

He was equally annoyed with you as well, truth be told for several reasons. He had no idea what kind of sorcery you’d done to have him this hooked. He knew you were nearly as powerful as him with the ability to summon any snake any size and that your body contained every snake venom known (and unknown) to man. The way your eyes would focus on him when he spoke taking in every word as if it was water and you were dehydrated, the way you reach for him in your sleep and God forbid he leaves bed to finish up work(gossip with uraume) you'd storm down stairs and plop in his lap demanding to be held falling asleep the minute he holds you. Or your lips? The way you smiled at him as he cupped your chin to guide his tip—

“No!” He snaps annoyed he has to fight an inanimate object for your attention and he leans forward causing something neither of you expect it happens to fast.

Your hands grab the back of his head locking into his hair yanking so he's now eye level with you, a dark look in your eyes as your tounge grazes your lips before you can say anything his intensity matches yours.

You expect it because how dare you embarrass him in front of lower levels like this?!

His hand wraps around your neck and soon it's a power battle as it usually is with an underlying sexual tension that keeps things flowing between you, the temperature of the room dropping 20 degrees on your behalf and quickly raising 21 on his. 

Petty king.

You drop your hand not wanting to fight with him and knowing deep down he didn’t either. But how dare you defy the great sukuna.

“By the time i'm done with my meeting i expect you to be done with this” he seethes making sure to set fire to all the plants as he walks past them. How dramatic!

Sighing knowing that was his way of inviting you to the meeting you turn back to the woman sending her a look of reassurance to continue.

Walking down the bare marble halls the only sound of distant footsteps and chatter as you listen to uraume who fills you in on the gossip. You gasp with a wide eyed expression stopping to face them.

“And they were bunkmates” and your jaw nearly hit the ground at the tea. The servants were so messy you wanted to see if Sukuna knew anything about it and if anything would stop your fued it would be gossip.

Urauma glances behind you, their smile falling completely off their face replaced by nervousness before bringing it back but it was already too late.  It's when they try to guide you back to where you had already come from that you get suspicious and turn around seeing Sukuna with one of the servant girls pinned to the wall, his large tattooed arm above her head as he talks.

You almost laugh at the display and at Uraume trying to get his attention, instead you link arms with your boyfriend's bestie and continue to walk past them.

“He couldn't make me jealous even if he tried! I sit on this man's face nearly every night, he buys me everything I want and besides do you see what i look like? My body was crafted! My face was sculpted i cant be jealous when i look like this” you arrogantly spit loud enough for all 3 of them to hear and a slither of you feels bad for the poor girl she had mearly been roped into this and Sukuna feels his heart swell with pride, you were his fucking girl.

But he sees a challenge, he's still a man nonetheless and being a man comes with doing stupidness you couldn't explain.

Like having another woman on his arm at a dinner he hosted with Curses he somewhat respected and neighboring estates just to show off. He was arrogant you'll give him that, and you were livid.

Watching him flaunt this ditsy little flat bodied bimbo around was pissing you off not cause you were jealous but because you were the one that should be meeting all of his allies. You were the one who’s power matched theirs, even rivaled it. You could feel your human eyes turn to snake eyes as your anger rose and roared through you.

It was disrespectful and downright embarrassing! Not only did people not know your status and who you were to him, not only did it make you feel lower than the Queen you actually were not only did you look like a complete fool having Sukunas initial on the gold beads that decorated your butt length braided ponytail but she had the audacity to smile at you as if she won.

He let another woman take your place, let another woman feel like she was above you. He let another woman sit on YOUR throne that is his lap and you can feel yourself losing your composure faster than you ever have.

You want to react in this very moment cause a scene hell even release some of your snakes but you couldn't imagine looking as dramatic and childish as Sukuna did earlier! That wasn't very it girl material of you. Instead you look over at Uraume finishing your glass of Sake, there was no point in wasting it, before shoving it in their hands and disappearing. 

Sukuna would never try no shit like this again.

Uraume sends a pointed look at Sukuna who instantly dismisses the servant smirking outwardly at your silent anger, a nerve wracking thought of if he pushed entirely too hard as the silhouette of you leaving replays in his mind. Were those his initials in your braid. He instantly feels disgusted and wants everyone to leave while he talks to you but swallows the thought.

He was Sukuna Ryomen, the king of curses, the king of doing whatever he wanted and nobody could stop him or tell him otherwise. So he parties, drinks and continues the night without a hitch until the sky is at its darkest and he bids a good night showering and laying in his empty bed. 

He spends about an hour tossing and turning unable to sleep not knowing where you are and pissed you aren’t in bed with him.

It's when he finally dozes off at the beginning of a dream playing that he thinks he feels the tips of your fingers in his back trailing over his broad shoulders and all four arms.

“Wake your stupid ass up” he hears before there's a vice-like grip on his neck pushing against his windpipe. He struggles for a little bit to breathe as your wrist digs into his pressure points.

“Y/N!” He shouts your name yet you only grip tighter and he doesn't even fight to get you off just shocked at your murder attempt.

“No dont fucking Y/N me! You tried to make me jealous and only pissed me off! Do I look like some weak willed bitch to you? Do you not see what i look like and you think you can make ME jealous, my king im offended! and the fucking audacity to try” you snap squeezing tighter and his hands come up to grip your arms.

 “Ryomen If you ever treat me like im not your girlfriend… your fucking queen ill poison you, have you an inch from your life and take over your thrown as i watch you die” you whisper the last part in his ear sending a chill down his spine before your grip loosens completely arms unsnaking.

Climbing under the covers you make yourself comfortable before turning on your side instantly falling asleep the minute your head hits the pillow. 

You miss the way your boyfriend holds his neck in disbelief with slight arousal and a tad bit of fear. You were fearless yet angry enough to not only threaten him but attempt to kill him? It’s when he hears your soft snores that actually sounds more like a snake hiss that he knows you're actually asleep.

Not only did you just pull that stunt but you had the audacity to sleep peacefully knowing he wouldn’t kill you. Not even a sliver of fear in your body. It’s like you were testing him! 

He may have been a sick man because he loved every second of it, he doesn’t test his luck by wrapping any of his arms around you, instead just lays close enough to still feel your body heat until you roll over wrapping an arm and leg possesively around him. 

He grins for a woman nearly a foot shorter than him, you may have the biggest ego in the room. 

“Wait, she tried to kill you in your sleep, threatened to kill you once you woke up and you’re shopping for wedding rings right now?” Uraume asks and this is one of the only times Sukuna had baffled them with his madness. Uraume never questioned Sukuna, it wouldn’t make sense to and that’s how it was easy being his most loyal and right hand but this… this was different.

“Yeah, any woman that bold is made for me!” Sukuna grins looking over the rings trying to find the biggest, brightest, most sinister looking ring.

“You think after yesterday's events consisting of making her jealous and ignoring her you should propose?” Uraume stated in that pestering ‘duh jackass’ voice that would usually have sukuna second guessing.

“What? No, she rode my face this morning until she blacked out again and I sent her to the next land over shopping for whatever her heart desires then set up a hair appointment with a stylist from her homeland.” Sukuna picks up a ring with a blood diamond circled by red rubies that matched the red of his eyes. He was sure the ring could be used as an anchor… you’d love it.

“Your highness for the cost of that ring we may have to take over a small village to not have this affect our funds” Uraume advises making small notes of villages near by in other peoples territory knowing Sukuna would start a war if it meant funding his queens lifestyle.

“A village is too small i want kamiro territory, ill kill him and anybody that decides to follow him. I don’t like the way he smells anyway” Sukuna shrugs, picking up a matching bracelet for you.

“You two have more drama than the servants”

[midnightmisadventures]

Guys i had ANOTHER australia dream

This was so crazy and soooo long

it lasted the whole night and the entirety of the dream was basically in the airport

Um.....basically our trip was planned, booked and busy. And me and the most random group, like it wasnt just friends it was high school people, it wasnt just hs people it was some family, wasnt just family it was some randos. Like the most smorgege board of squad and everyone else 

And we were staying somewhere in philly, or somewhere, that was close to the airport so we could wake up and catch our flight. But then the morning of we were at the hotel and realized omg we were kinda late, so the hotel was like 25 mins from the airport and everyone wanted ample time to be there bc.....the flight was to australia like its a big deal. 

So then something goes terribly wrong with me and i have to go all the way home to get something crucial, like my ticket, my passport my luggage. And im sobbing in chip at home like “i screwed it all up, i cant even go, is it even worth trying?? like would i even make it” and we looked at the time and they were supposed to board the plane at like 5:30 and idk we were over an hour away and in very hot water. 

And my dad was like ehhh your in trouble but you might make it, GO FAST GO NOW. 

Which is interesting because, in the last dream i was looking at the cost and it was thousands of thousands of dollars and verbatim i asked my parents “is this even worth trying to make this possible, like theres no way right? right?” expecting them to immediately say “yea theres no way” but they keep surprising me and saying basically “dont worry about that of course its possible” 

Which must just be spirit telling me to stop thinking things are impossible and limiting my mindset on what can happen and what i can do. 

Anyway, AuntyAbby was rushing me to the airport and i think now i was with another group who was trying to make it on time. And the whole dream is like us rushing around meeting different airport workers and befriending them saying “please please is there anyway you can help us make it to our flight on time” the airport was huge. So one person would help us take a secret underground shuttle, and one person would help us go super fast through a security checkpoint. Also plenty of elevators. They were usually to far away cause the building had too many floors and we always had to take the stairs. And it was that but for several hours. Like im not kidding, and we were begging people at each step to call the terminal and make sure they havent done the final boarding call. And everyone kept assuring us “you should make it”

But we were running. And on the way, in true dream fashion i kept having to leave little things behind that i wanted to bring but were too much of a hassell to carry around. Like stray things, and i kept fighting for my life to keep everything together but little momentos and sentimental things i kept having to leave behind. 

In fact, the dream illustrated this lesson all the way through the end, because at the end of the dream when we finally are being let on the plane. We were in this waiting area for a while while the plane located seats for us because it was a packed flight to australia waiting to finally get going because of us. 

I had my backpack, which my sooooo heavy and full and hurting my back to carry. My polkadot over night bag. A jacket, a purse, and my main suitcase big luggage. So you can imagine. Running around for hours trying to catch my flight, was exhausting carrying around all that baggage (in fact it was making me later *wink wink*) 

So finally when we were waiting for the door to open to the plane i was first in line ready to go, SO SO SO  happy to be finally securely on my flight to australia, after being so stressed out for hours. I could be excited about my mystery trip lol and relax and realize that everything worked out. I could almost taste the feeling of finally sitting in my plane seat. So much so that when they opened the door i rushed in. And the attendant told us there should be individual seats open in section C. I was walking in with erikka and i wanted a good seat, out of what was available. I found one in the row next to erikkas and it was an aisle seat. I was so excited cause it was a long flight and i didnt want to be squished by strangers. 

So i run in secure my seat and realize “oh shit i have my backpack, my polkadot, and my jacket but not my LUGGAGE” so i save my seat and walk back to the door because i know i mustve left it right at the entrance. But the plane was so ready to take off that they had already locked the exits and started moving. And my stomach dropped like, i was thinking i CANNOT go to australia without my stuff what the fuck no no no  no. And i told the flight attendants “please i know you have already been so patient with us and made many accommodations but i left my bag RIGHT there can you please open the door” and theyre like yikes like we started moving. There were two flight attendants helping me. The woman was convinced they could get the pilot to stop and turn around we had only gone three feet. And the man kept saying the pilot has been trying to start this trip for forever he already waited he wont turn around.

And i was SIIICCKKKKKKK 

But i get it.....leave the bags, catch the elevator. 

I’m just so confused as to why Australia

[threepointseven]

When you have a bad relationship with your parents

🌺summary!🌺- your relationship with your parents is what you could describe as rocky, and you suddenly run into them while with your boyfriend

Type- scenario 🍄

Flowers included!🌼= Scaramouche x gn!reader, venti x gn!reader, xiao x gn! Reader (kinda ooc ngl 🙁)

🥀Flower toxins!🥀- Hints of abuse, yelling, bad relationship with parents, mentions of killing, mentions of torturing

Note🍀= AHHHH IM SO SORRY. YOU WERE PROBABLY EXPECTING HC’S AND EVERYTHING BUT BEFORE I REALIZED IT I WROTE SCENARIOS ☹️💔 IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG BTW BUT I HOPE UOU FORGIVE ME AND STILL LIKE THEM🤕 LOVE YOU BYE MWAH MWHA

Genshin masterlist

💐Your bouquet has been delivered <3💐

Xiao

Xiao never asked about your parents, it was something you didnt wanna talk about and he just wasnt curious in general so he never tried to pry it out of you.

He chose to not get involved in your life with your parents since you insisted that it was a complex subject to you, but you bet your ass hes gonna involve himself when he catches you having a fight with your mother right in front of wangshuu inn

It was supposed to be a day of no worries, no commissions no work, just you and xiao cuddling but your fantasy blew away when you heard your mothers voice seconds before entering wangshuu inn

“Y/N.. your.. your really here..!”

Your eyes widened at her voice and at the reflex your first thought was to run away. Before you could escape she gripped your shoulders with tears running down her face.

“You’re here you’re really here!”

“No… no go away..”

“Why would you say that to your mother Y/N i havent seen you in years!” She cupped your cheeks as she looked into your eyes with that malice filled shine of hers.

You wanted to run away, but the shock left you frozen. ‘Xiao’ you mumbled ever so quietly as your eyes stayed in shock. In a blink of an eye he appeared right next to you, using his arm to make a space between you and your mother. You quickly hooked onto his arm, on the verge of a meltdown at the mere sight of the woman

“Did she do something to you..? What did she do? Ill dispose of her.”

“Dispose?! Im their mother! Theyre just being a bit dramatic of what happened in the past.”

“Im not being dramatic.. theres a reason i left that house..” Tears fell onto xiao’s arm and stained his clothes as he looked wide eyes at your shaking figure. Hes never seen you like this, that close to collapsing in his arms. He shielded you off from your mother and gave her a threatening look.

He said nothing, in return he held onto you tighter with one arm, giving your frame a reassuring hold as he pulled out his weapon with his free hand

“Y/N its been years and this is what im greeted wi-“

“Tread lightly with your following actions.” He gave your mother a threatening glare, his intimidating aura making your mother tremble. Before the woman could continue her annoying little claims in a flash you two disappeared.

if your comfy enough to tell him what happened he’ll be all over you (with a lil hesitation cause hes shy) blushing the entire time he holds you but he lets you cry on him, he encourages you to let all out as you continue to vent about your parents and what happened

He feels as bad as you, probably angrier than you at your parents and how the relationship between you and your parents became so bad.

He kisses you lovingly when your done letting it all out and as you sleep he excuses himself,

He promised to not kill mortals but that doesnt mean he cant teach them a lesson right?

Venti

you were always private about your relationship with your parents and you just refused to talk about it

There were times where he got curious and tried to poke answers out of you since you were so reserved about your parents

“Your parents have to meet their kid’s future husband y’know windblume!”

He never knew practically a day after he said that hed catch you fiddling with your jewelry before entering the tavern in the middle of the night

“Hm..? Whats up? You look nervous..”

“Oh.. its just that my parents.. uhm they’re apparently visiting Mondstat and i guess im just a bit nervous we might run into them.. hah..”

“Oh thats great! I can finally meet them! Tell me if you actually see them~ give me a second then-!”

And as he ran into the tavern to discuss something with diluc you stood outside nervous as to what your parents would say if they saw the child they raised without an ounce of love in front of a tavern doing fine.

And speak of the devil you catch them, walking past the tavern looking as intimidating as they were before. A squeak spilled out of your mouth before noticing your presence “Y/N..?” “Hey..”

As your mothers expression turned into one of confusion and horror she walked up to you and grabbed you by the collar, shouting profanity as she stated that you were immature and evil for leaving them in the dust.

But as they shouted their curses, entirely unaware venti was watching with a face of mixed emotions, anger, sadness, pity, whatever it was all he wanted to do was just shoo your parents away as they kept screaming into your ears “Y/N, you didnt tell me your parents were complete devils!”

He intervened by hooking onto your arm with a threatening look

in the end he had slapped your mothers face with the bit of courage he had and ran off with you, giving your mother a salty look

It broke his heart to see you sobbing in front of him, and because of your own family. He kissed your tears away as he reassured you that theyd never bother you like that again.

He kissed every inch of your face and whispered compliments in between each kiss while trash talking your parents with a mumble.

It made you chuckle everytime he changed into a salty expression while insulting your parents

And trust me after that slap that he added some anemo into they would never approach you ever again

“I dont feel like inviting your parents to our outdoor wedding anymore!”

“You havent even proposed to me yet..”

“Yet”

Scaramouche

you dropped hints to scaramouche that your parents werent the nicest. He didnt pry that much since he respected your privacy but he couldnt help the curiosity sometimes

It was a bright morning in inazuma, you were on a small little date with scaramouche, smiling happily at how he said yes to everything you said you wanted.

Your smiles and your giggles were interrupted by the threatening chuckle of your father behind you. Smiling with the arrogance youve known since you were little.

“Didnt expect to see you here Y/N”

The raspy voice of him sent shivers down your spine and as a reflex you gripped on scaramouches shirt, clinging onto it as your eyes widened with each step your father took.

“Hm? Who is this..” your boyfriend added confused yet on guard, assuming the man was dangerous at how you shook.

“Im this brats father,”

Your hold on your boyfriends shirt tightened each second he spoke. While you were shaking scaramouche took personal offense to the man calling you a brat.

“Theyre not a brat, if you dont mind we have some business together so fuck off.”

“And as usual theyre being an absolute coward, always hiding when anything remotely dangerous tries to interfere. Its been a while since ive seen this kid, dont you miss me kid? Dont you miss your good ol father?”

“Of course i dont.. your just a monster that acts nice in front of everyone just leave me alone for once! Theres a reason i ditched you and escaped while i could!” You raised your voice at the man while tears were threatened to flow.

“You were a coward you abandoned me-“

Before your father could say his next words the harbinger put the man in a chokehold using a string of electro, the electricity stinging at his neck and drawing blood.

“I’ll kill you if you come near them again.”

“L-lay off man, ill leave you alone just-!”

He let your ‘father’ go, not before giving him and extra painful zap of course.

in the end he tried to be more touchy during the rest of your date, occasionally kissing your forehead whenever he had the opportunity to

If you were comfortable enough to reveal what your parents had done to you he’ll shower you in affection, indirect affection but still affection

[that-one-weeb-but-starwars]

Seeing Maul after All This Time

"Maul?" Y/n asked looking at the hooded figure, Ezra besides him as he looked back at Y/n.

"Y/n you know him?" Ezra asked.

"Ezra come here." Ezra did as told, Y/n stepping infront of him protectively.

"Y/n. It has been some time." Maul spoke walking around with the cane.

Y/n ignited one of her two sabers, the red blade crackling as she kept Ezra behind her.

"Your a sith lord Y/n?!" Ezra shouted.

"No! Ezra- we'll talk about this later."

"A shame really," Maul spoke, "We were once-"

"We were once," Y/n told him, "We are no longer, I tried to help you! I wanted you back Maul! You think I wanted you to throw yourself away?"

"You threw me away!" He argued.

"I would never and you know that! We could have left! Both of us!" Y/n defended, "both of us! Like we planned!"

Maul only growled at her pushing forward as the battle began, light flashing back and forth as they fought one another. Maul still trying to reach for Ezra but was kicked back, Y/n igniting her second saber which was green in color.

"Ezra! Run!" Y/n demanded force pushing him back and out of Mauls reach once again, as Ezra got up.

"I'll get Ashoka! And Kanan!"

"Just run!" Y/n demanded, Y/n being back up into a wall as she kneeded Maul in the gut him stumbling back as she spit into the corner of the room.

"I can do this all day." Y/n spoke.

"You can't hope to beat me! Not again!" He shouted.

"I do not hope but know! I will win!" Y/n responded.

Maul kicked her across the room as she crashed into the stone wall dropping one of her Sabers.

Dodging his hit it scored the wall as she rolled off to the side, she grabbed his wrist twisting it back as the saber turned off and soon fell out his hand.

"Stop this Maul!" Y/n demanded, pushing him back into the stone wall, her hand up as she kept him pushed into the wall with the force.

"I loved you once!" Y/n argued, "We were one! Why would you betray me!"

"I betray you!?" Maul spoke, "I never did!"

"You killed my friends Maul! You just attacked me!" Y/n argued, "you killed the only think I had to a sister. You killed Satine! Why!"

He was silent, "I asked you why!" She demanded, "You knew she was all I had. You knew I loved her! But you couldn't just submit could you! You had to have power! Broken power! When you could have just come to me I would have helped you!"

Y/n glared at him as she gritted her teeth dropping him to the ground falling to his knees and over.

"I once loved you." Y/n told him, as he looked up at her, "after all you did I still came looking for you, and you were going to use a innocent soul. I stop worrying about you, and stop loving to you today Maul."

She turned away from him using the force to make her second saber come to her, walking away and down the hall.

"No..." Maul called, "No! Y/n! Y/n! Come back! I was foolish! Come back to me!"

Y/n kept quiet as she left the temple the others running to her aid.

"Y/n!" Ezra spoke looking at her hopefully.

"I am okay Young one." Y/n responded, feeling a sense of relief rush over Ezra.

She smiled softly at his relief, a hand holding his cheek.

"None of us belong here anymore." Y/n spoke.

It was silent the rest of the way, Y/n knew what Maul knew, what he wanted he got, Ezra confused that much to her. She wasnt angery but knew it'd be Maul's demise. So there Y/n sat, in the bunk with Ezra.

"Are. Are you alright?" Ezra asked.

"I haven't been alright in some times Ezra." Y/n responded sitting on the floor attempting to meditate.

"Can. I ask you some questions?" Ezra asked.

"Sit with me then."

Ezra did as told, sitting infront of her as she opened her eyes, she was tired, heart broken, missing.

"I...did...we're you a sith."

"No." Y/n responded.

"Then the red saber."

"It was a gift." Y/n told him, "I was considering to be a sith...long ago."

"Because of Maul?"

Y/n nodded softly, "It was long ago, I-"

Ezra listened, "Me and him were in love, we pulled each other towards both sides...I..."

"But why him?"

"It is easier to show you than tell. Come." Y/n spoke as Ezra scooted closer, Y/n placing her hands on each side of his head, covering his temples as Y/n closed her eyes, Ezra following:

"Commander! Its going to blow!" Jesse shouted at the Jedi besides him, "Commander Y/n is still in there!"

"We have to leave! Now! Get the transports out of here!"

"But Commander!"

"Now!"

Y/n was getting everyone out, force pushing them down carefully to the ground.

"I have to check if anyones inside!"

"Commander no!"

"Go! Now!"

Y/n rushed back inside only seconds later the explosion going off. Y/n the only one inside as the others took cover as quick as possible. With the rubble falling down, she did as well. Being left crushed under some rocks for dead, her head bleeding, her ribs crushed, her spine brusied, she was dying a slow and painful death.

She was left there, no one did come and find her, she wasnt expecting it anyways, until later that day, the night had taken over the sky and she was passed out, swimming in her thoughts deep in her head and her own blood. Rocks pushed aside and body being lifted up Maul had picked her up in his arms walking away from the scene.

Waking up suddenly and in pain she looked around.

"So you've awaken."

Maul walked over to her Y/n backing up slightly as she winced backing into the wall.

Maul stopped in his spot. Y/n looking up at him as she then looked away.

"You know. Don't you?" Y/n asked.

"Its not everyday you see a night sister with markings such as yours."

"Get it right! I am not a night sister! I am a human being!" Y/n shouted immediately grabbing her chest in pain, "your...night sisters that...mother- she used me..."

"Fair point."

"It seems me and you have more in common than you think." Maul spoke, slidding a cup over to her with his foot.

"It will give your chest relief-"

Without hesitation she drank it immediately, she pulled away from the cup choking she had downed it so fast.

"I save you, and you go and die by choking."

"Why save me?"

"Why do anything anymore?"

Y/n pulled away from Ezra, the teen opening his eyes, "he saved you? But why?"

"I cant even answer that." Y/n responded, "but I repayed him later on, but he always tried to one up me, soon enough I fell for him, and it seemed him for me..."

Y/n panted heavily the two sitting against the control panels of the star cruiser that had just crashed.

"Damn." Y/n spoke, "we have to stop meeting like this."

Maul only chuckled, "we do indeed."

"I suppose we're each other's gaurdian angels." Y/n responsed rubbing her temples with one hand as they're chlothes were full of cuts and stains of dirt and blood fresh or dried.

"The more we saved each other the more we fell in love."

The two looked towards each other, Maul took the turn away first, but Y/n pulled his head back to look at her after grabbing one of his horns, forcing him into a kiss, he only returned it, deepining the kiss by turning his head and running a hand through her hair. Y/n pulled away.

"I figured saving you is starting to become boring payment for you saving me." Y/n responded..

"And within time.' Y/n spoke, "we were begging the other for them to come with us."

"Maul! Take my hand!" Y/n begged, "Your master does not care about you! Come! With me!"

Taking a step closer to him she finally reached arms length turning his saber off for him she let him keep hold of it.

"Don't do this Maul. They may not care but I do." Y/n tried to convince, "come with me please!"

"Y/n!"

"No! Anakin don't!"

"And as I pulled at him, he pulled at me." Y/n told Ezra.

"Take my hand!" Maul begged, "Y/n! Take my hand!"

Obi-Wan and Anakin stood there sabers in hand.

" Come with me!" Maul argued.

"Y/n! If you join him theres no telling what would happen!" Obi-Wan tried to convince.

"You turned on me! Why?" Y/n demanded, "I love you both and you turn on me!"

"Y/n this wasnt our choice!" Anakin spoke, "Y/n. I love you."

"Anakin!"

"Y/n! He lies!" Maul argued, "they both do!"

"Don't act like you dont either Obi-Wan!"

Obi wan sighed, "Y/n please, we care about you. Come back. We both care about you dearly!"

"At the end of the line. I was betrayed no matter which side I turned too." Y/n told Ezra, "I've been betrayed by every one."

"I'd never betray you." Ezra said, causing her to smile.

"You'd be a first." She spoke.

It was silent for only a few moments.

"Would you have left the republic for him if he left the Sepertist?" Ezra asked.

"Yes." Y/n responded without hesitation, "but things changed after he killed Satine."

"Satine?"

"The last Dutchess of Mandolore. She was like a sister."

"Im still confused. Your as angry as any other sith, but calm as a jedi. How are you doing it?"

"Im neither or." Y/n spoke, "i can't follow the Jedi code but I wont kill in anger."

Ezra was quiet, "Get some sleep young one." Y/n spoke.

Ezra did as told hoping up into his bunk as Y/n stayed on the floor meditating.

[ally-writes-many-things]

You Got It Wrong (Matt Casey) Part 2.

Summary: After Y/N and Matt get into an argument, she leaves for her sister's wedding.

Words: 1293

Requested:

Prompts:

A/N or Warning: can you guys like comment more? Love the support but would love yall more if yall commented lmao. I'm tired and I dont care about going through it and fixing the grammar and spelling. So I'm sorry for that!

Tags: Tags: @intergalxtic @babyfannii @corebore123 @halsteadsway @bethii1 @littlemaatta @disneyismyworldforever @nhcwdw

Since your punishment, you barely talked to Casey or Herrmann unless it was Fire related or a job related which sucked but you were mad at them still. You were mopping the floor in the break room when you saw Casey walking towards you. You made no eye contact as he walked up to you. "Y/N, how long is this gonna go on?"

"I don't know what you mean Lieutenant? I have still two weeks of chores. Your punishment,"

Casey sighed and shook his head. "Not what I meant," and walked off.

"What's going on here? Why are you doing chores, is this the rookie's job?"

You looked up at Ritter. "Yep, but since I didn't answer the radio on during the apartment fire, Casey and Herrmann have me on chores duty for the next two weeks,"

"That's why theres tension between you and Casey. I just thought it was sexual,"

You playfully shoved him. "RITTER!"

He laughed and walked off. "You know it's true,"

"It isn't but okay,"

---

You were outside washing the truck and laughing with Gallo when Casey walked up to you two. "What's so funny?"

You stopped smiling and looked away from him. "Nothing, Lieutenant,"

Casey looked over at you and then at Gallo. "Gallo, can you leave me and Y/N alone?"

Gallo nodded and dropped the rag in the bucket and walked inside. "Y/N, stop cleaning and talk to me,"

"You can talk to me while I'm doing this because I have to get this done,"

"Drop the rag and look at me, that's an order,"

You turned around and threw the rag in th bucket. "Yes, sir,"

Casey looked at you. "You got to stop this,"

"Stop what?"

"You're giving me grief over punishing you. I'm your superior,"

You just stood there. "I'm not giving you grief, Casey and exactly. You're my superior and I'm treating you as such,"

"No, you're not-"

"Okay then Casey. Tell me how to behave or what to say because obiviously, I can't do shit right according too,"

You started to walk off. "If you don't drop the additude, I will add more weeks,"

"Yeah, well, what's stopping you?"

MATT'S POV

Matt stood there watching her walk inside the firehouse as he sighed. This girl was doing to drive him insane. He didn't know what to do or say around you anymore without you blowing up on him. He walked into the firehouse and went to the common area and sat next to Mouch. He groaned and rubbed his face. "What going with you?"

"Women,"

Mouch laughed. "Don't think age stops those problems cause they don't,"

-

The day went on but Casey didn't see you. He walked up to Gallo and Ritter. "Have you seen Y/L/N?"

Ritter and Gallo both looked at each other and then to Casey. "Ask Boden,"

Casey was a bit confused as to that answer but he nodded and walked towards Boden's office and knocked on the office door. "Come in,"

"Have you seen Y/N?"

He nodded. "Not since she requested a transfer this morning,"

"Wait what?"

"She said that since she couldn't seem to do anything right here, she wanted to try another firehouse and after talking to her for an hour,"

"This is my fault,"

"What do you mean?"

"Well Herrmann and I put her on two week chore duty for not repsonding to us durnig the apartment fire and then right before she came to you, we got into an arugment and I made her feel like that. Like she can't do anything right. I got to fix this,"

Casey pulled out his phone and started to call you. "Calling her won't do anything good. She's driving to Michigian for her sister's wedding and she turned off her phone,"

"I thought that wasn't for another few weeks,"

"Well, they changed it, its on Sunday,"

"That's still like a week away?"

"I told her to take the week off to think about if she really wants to transfer,"

"I know this is short notice but can I have the week off or at least a few dats and I will try to have convince her not to transfer,"

"She one of the best firefighters we got. I dont want to lose her to another house. Take as much time as needed. I'll call you if we need you,"

Y/N's POV:

You sighed as you parked in your paren'ts driveway and you just sat there, wishing this was going to go different but you know what was going to happened the moment you stepped into that house. You turned on your phone and it started buzzing as you missed a lot of texts and calls. Mainly from Casey but you ingored those and went to yours, Gallo's and Ritter's text.

Gallo: Seriously? Why'd you turn off your phone.

Ritter: How would we know if you die or not?

Ritter: Turn on your phone already?

*3 hours later*

Gallo: Its been three hours, Ritter. She hasn't answered. I think its time to call a search party.

Ritter: I think so too.

You chuckled and replied to them.

You: I just pulled into my parents' driveway. I'm alive and fine.

Ritter: See, Gallo? I told you not to worry.

You rolled your eyes and looked up and saw your dad looking out the window. You sighed and decided that it was time for you to go see your family. You put your phone in your purse and walked into the house. You eldest brother walked up to you and gave you a bear hug. "We were wondering when you were coming into the house, you were park in the driveway for hours,"

You moved your arm to hug him back. "Yeah, well I had turned off my phone while driving and I was repsonding to my friends that thought I was dead or had been in a serious accident,"

After getting hugged by you older borther and your dad, you noticed that your mom wasnt in there. "Where's mom?"

"She's doing a errand, she will be back soon. Sit. Sit. Tell us. How is it living in Chicago? Those fires keeping you so busy that you can't come and visit us more often?"

You looked at your dad. "Yeah, pretty much. I'm surprised my boss let me get a week off."

What I really wanted to say was; "No. Mom is the reason I stay away. I cant handle her nagging me all the time,"

"So do we know who the lucky guy that is marrying our baby sister yet?"

They all shook their heads no. Your sister had kept this relationship a secret for a year before telling us that she was in it, even then she has kept who it was a secret as well. We at frist were worried it was someone that was really bad for her but she was a good girl who knew how not to get in trouble. "Not yet, we are suppose to meet him tomorrow,"

---

It had been about four hours since you gotten home, your mom came home about an hour after you got here and as you expected started on you about your love life but thankfully your eldest brother came to your defense and got her off your back. You were going to stay at a hotel but your parents have convinced you to stay at the house. You were walking towards your car and saw a car pulling up. You immdietely knew whose car it was and you walked up there, confused, as the door opened. "What are you doing here?"

Casey walked out of the car and looked at you. "Trying to convince you to stay with 51,"

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Rockabye Royalty (One-Shot)

-------------------------

"I dont care! Just get out of my house! I'm not taking care of a stupid baby!" Virgil's head rang with the sound of his boyfriend's yells. He hadnt meant for this to happen. He'd been on the pill, there was hardly a time when he wasn't. Erin had promised to keep him safe, he'd promised that nothing was going to break them apart. Yet here he was with fury in his eyes, holding a stick with two lines on it.

"Erin you promised! You said you werent going to leave!" Tears were pouring from Virgil's eyes, his chest was tight, he could barely see straight.

"I never promised anything for a baby!." And then Virgil was on the sidewalk, leaning against the building with his head in his hands. He couldn't go back inside to get his things, that was for sure.

"I'm so sorry. . ." He whispered, holding a hand to his stomach. They were supposed to be a family, they were supposed to be happy together. He was only twenty, he couldnt take care of a baby.

Virgil waited for himself to calm down, staring up at the sky in the hopes that no one would look at him.

When he finally calmed down he made his way to the nearest hotel he could find, he supposed it was lucky he'd always remembered his friend's advice of keeping the large bills in bras, Erin had always hated looking at those. Virgil pulled out a few before walking inside, covering up with his hoodie so it didnt look strange.

"How many nights can this cover?" Virgil said to the woman at the desk, placing a few twenties on the counter. He bit his lip, not really expecting an answer.

The woman looked him up and down, a sympathetic look in her pale green eyes.

"Stay as long as you need sweetheart, I'll cover it for you," Virgil let out a sigh of relief, he felt like he was about to start crying.

"Thank you thank you thank you-" he stopped himself from adding anymore thank yous at the last minute.

"Do you need anything special in particular?" Asked the woman, Virgil scanned for her name tag, Mrs. Evans.

"I uh-" he paused, shuffling his feet. He wasnt sure this would count as special arrangements or get him turned away. Subconsciously he pulled his hoodie further over his stomach.

Mrs. Evans' eyes widened, a look of realization dawning on her face. She ducked under the counter and thrust a key into his hands.

"Here you go, room 13, and dont you worry about meals or anything, it's all free," she pushed a few magazines toward him, a quick scan of the covers showed him a few job opportunities. Virgil merely nodded, scooping up the magazines and rushing off to the room, he heard Mrs. Evan's making a call in the distance, she sounded worried, he felt a twinge of guilt in his chest.

The room was larger than he'd expected for only having one bed. There was a tv, multiple appliances, including a coffee machine, and of course, a bathroom. Virgil sat down in the couch at the corner of the room, opening the blinds slightly before holding his hands to his face.

"Oh gods what am I going to do for clothes? I cant go looking for jobs yet! I wouldnt even be able to stay that long!" He didnt really know who he was talking to, there was no one else in the room.

He got an answer to his question a few days later when what seemed to be a trash bag full of clothing showed up on his doorstep. He picked up the card attached to it, but all that was there was the image of a heart bursting into flames, with a crown around its middle. Virgil shrugged and dragged the clothes into the room. It was mostly hoodies and overly large t-shirts, but there were a few outfits in an appropriate size as well. He set to work on hanging them all up, ignoring the pain in his stomach.

The real problem started a few months later. He'd been laying on his bed watching the tv and flipping through a magazine when he felt it, the baby was coming.

He didn't think he'd have time to get to the hospital, but he remembered an offer Mrs. Evan's, or Cassira as he knew her now, had made a few days after he'd gotten there. He buzzed the front desk quickly and in a matter of minutes, there she was.

Virgil didnt remember much else, if he was being honest with himself he'd probably passed out. When he opened his eyes he was laying in the bath tub, a mess of towels and a pair of underwear and sweatpants discarded on the floor. He blinked a few times, and then he heard crying.

"Shhh, shhh, it's ok little one,look, daddy's awake, its ok," Cassira was holding something swaddled in Virgil's hoodie, she passed it over to him and he held the small child in his arms.

"Its a girl," Cassira said, not putting much emphasis on the last word.

"Hi," Virigl said softly, looking at the mini version of himself swaddled in the jacket. She had the same soft face, and the same purple and green heterochromia, though her hair was a more jet black color, like Erin's. She smiled as she looked at Virgil, letting out a laugh somewhat like wind chimes.

"You let me know if you need anything," said Cassira. Virgil nodded and watched her leave.

He sat there for a while, watching the bundle in his arms with a fond smile on his face.

"I think we'll call you, Olivia," Virgil said, holding her close.

It took him a few minutes to finally get out of the tub, clean up, and redress himself, all the while keeping Olivia safe.

About six years had passed, Virgil was working full time at a retail job, the only thing he could get while he was working on a degree in Education. When he wasnt working or studying, all of his time went to Olivia. While they were still living at the hotel, Virgil had finally started earning enough to pay for her clothes and schooling and at least a few toys. He was looking into houses as well, he couldn't live in Room 13 for the rest of his life, even if it was free.

Virgil watched Olivia play with a rubik's cube he'd bought her as he wandered the aisles of the shopping center, uncomfortably aware of the people around him.

"Remus I'm just saying! It's not that bad of an idea!" Virgil stopped the cart just moments before a tall man with dark crimson hair and green eyes walked out in front of it.

"Hey! Watch where you're going!" Virgil growled.

The man stopped "Remus I'm gonna have to call you back," he said, hanging up the phone.

"Sorry about that," he said.

"And who is this little princess," the man turned his attention to Olivia, who was sticking her tongue out in concentration over the colorful block in her hands.

"'m Olivia," she said quietly, giggling.

"And we were just leaving," Virgil said, anxious to get out of the aisle. Whoever this man was, he didnt want to be near him for to long.

The man opened his mouth to speak, but Virgil was already pushing past him.

But that wasnt the last time he'd meet the man. The two started seeing each other at nearly every store, on the way to the movies, and eventually, at the hotel itself.

"Ok, can you just admit you're stalking me like some freak or are you just going to act all innocent every time we bump into each other," Virgil said, covering Olivia's ears.

"I'm not doing it on purpose!" Said the man, Virgil took a step back.

"Wait- I didnt mean-" the man paused for a second, looking at his hands.

"Look, I'm not intentionally trying to meet up with you, though you seem like a nice guy, my name is Roman Prince-Duke, I run a modeling agency with my brother," Roman said, tapping his fingers together.

"Oh?" Virgil raised an eyebrow slightly.

"I wasnt taking pictures of you! I mean I'd like to- but like as a job! Not in a creepy way!" Virgil's face went red. This seemed to catch Olivia's attention, as she finally stopped fumbling with his hoodie strings to look over at Roman.

"Daddy's gonna marry a prince," she whispered, causing the blush on Virgil's face to grow even further. Roman let out a small chuckle, covering his mouth.

"Ollie that's not how it works sweetie," Virgil said with a laugh.

"So how much would I be paid? What are the requirements?" Virgil asked.

"Fifty dollars per photo, and you get to make the decision on outfits used and pose adjustments," Roman said.

"Alright, I'll bite," Virgil said, if he was honest, he'd do anything to get out of his current job.

It was about a week before he could finally make the shift. He'd decided to bring Olivia with him to the building. It was large and ornate, posters of attractive men and women were smiling down at him. But it was different, the people in the photos were dancing, singing, they were acting like people. Virgil pushed the door open, snatching Olivia out just before she started spinning it in circles.

"Daddy look!" Olivia pointed upwards towards a fountain at the center of the room.

"I see it Ollie," Virgil said, smiling. He walked to the front desk, where a short man with light brown hair and round glasses was typing away at a computer.

Virgil was about to open his mouth before the boy looked up, and noticed Olivia.

"Oh my gosh look at you! Arent you just the cutest thing!" Olivia giggled as the man ruffled her hair.

"You must be Virgil then? Roman's been absolutely raving about you," said the man.

"Did I hear my name Patton?" Roman said as he walked into the room, and then he noticed Virgil.

"Virgil! Lovely!" He clasped his hands together.

"Come with me, Patton can take care of Olivia while we're at our meeting," Roman said. Virgil stood there for a few seconds, looking between Patton and Olivia before finally letting go of her hand. She rushed behind the desk and stood on her tiptoes to stare at the computer.

Roman's office was covered in decorations of mythical creatures and outfit designs. In the center es a desk with two large and comfy looking chairs in front and behind it. Virgil sat down in the one in front, watching as Roman made his way to the opposite one.

"So, first things, you seem to be more into comfort yes? Overly large sweaters, t-shirts, sweatpants, that kind of thing?" Virgil nodded.

"Anything you absolutely wont do? Any aversions to skirts? Dresses?" Roman continued.

"As long as it's not form fitting and you cant see anything on my chest or below my waist I dont care," Virgil replied. Roman nodded and wrote something down.

Virgil had been at the job for about two months when he noticed the changes. He'd already known that he thought Roman was hot, but now Roman seemed to want to be around him more as well.

They went out for ice cream after photo shoots, Roman came with Virgil to pick out a new house, if Virgil needed a break Roman would let Patton watch Olivia so they two of them could have spa days.

Virgil had been suppressing it for a while, he didnt want to believe he was falling in love again, or that a boy was falling in love with him. He was afraid, afraid Roman would become the new Erin. But fate seemed to have other plans.

They were relaxing in a hot tub, Virgil's back pressed up against one of the jets, head resting on the outer rim.

"Virgil, I've been planning on this for a while, and I think now might be the best time to tell you," Roman spoke softly, but Virgil could still feel his limbs tense.

"You can say no if you want, I wont mind, but I think- I think I want to go on a date with you, like an official one," Virgil looked up, clutching the edge of the 'seat'.

"Well- I uh- I mean you're very nice but I-" Virgil could feel tears forming in his eyes.

"Oh no no Virgil- dont cry- I understand, you dont have to, we can just be friends," Roman pushed Virgil's hair out of his face, worried evident in his eyes.

"I-I do want to be more than friends- but I-" Roman's eyes widened suddenly, his hand instinctively moving to Virgil's side, his thumb brushing against Virgil's stomach.

"I wont, I swear, you have my permission to chuck me off a building if I do," Roman said, earning a laugh from Virgil.

Virgil wrapped his arms around Roman's neck, pressing their foreheads together and smiling.

"Then yes, I will date you," and Roman pulled Virgil into a kiss that would only be rivaled by the one they shared ten years later, with Olivia by Virgil's side, and her girlfriend by Roman's, as Virgil finally realized he'd found the man who would keep him and his daughter safe for as long as the family lived.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@nerosdayinhell

@meowthefluffy

@youtuberswithalex

@thecolorfulolive

@frog-candy-bee

@spooky-scary-virgil

@boobmaster69

@melodiread

@thefivecalls

[yntcdtyler]

so here’s my lover secret session’s story... 02/08/2019 london 🏹🇬🇧

i got my dm on twitter on july 16th at 5:15pm and i looked at it thinking someone was trying to boo boo the fool me and it was really gonna say something like “stream ME!” so i opened it not thinking much of it and my heart literally SANK when i saw it was actually REAL. i got the phone call 4 days after from a girl called sara who was from Taylor Nation, she told me everything and i was literally in the storage room in work crying.

so it’s finally august 2nd.. i got up at 5am cause i literally had 4 different trains and 2 ubers to catch, when i finally got to my hotel it was around 11am, i checked in and got ready and went to the meeting point. i was literally the first one there so i panicked thinking i was at the wrong place but more people started to show up and immediately everyone formed little friendship groups who they seemed to have stayed with the whole day which was insane. i met lisa and emma which i’d recognised from twitter because we’d been following each other for so long and then georgia, evie & shiv all came over and we all just bonded and instantly became friends and realised we we’re the brits of the group, there were SO many international fans and it was amazing seeing people come from all over the world! our group was first on the bus and i’m not sure why but we were literally all crying like wtf was going on?? we drove past a few ambulances thinking ‘that’s gonna be our ride home after tonight’ cause at this point i’m like dying and then we finally got to THE HOUSE.

we all go inside, the ME! playlist was on, there was a huge moose head on the wall which we all became really intrigued by, a huge mirror to see ourselves ugly crying, there was food & drinks and little m&m’s with ‘lover’ and hearts on them and i have no idea what was going on in my mind at this point, like i didn’t know what to expect.

so then we all go to the living room we’re there was a bunch of cushions on the floor and a chair and speakers in front of us and i KNEW what was about to go down lads, it’s about to happen, we’re about to hear lover and i just wasn’t ready and i was sat THERE in front of the chair and a few minutes later... SHE COMES OUT FROM BEHIND THIS DOOR LOOKING LIKE LIKE AN ACTUAL GODDESS THAT JUST STEPPED OUT OF HEAVEN AND I DEAD ASS DIED RIGHT THERE THINKING ABOUT THAT AMBULANCE I SAW EARLIER ON CAUSE SHE JUST WASNT REAL. so she’s like “welcome to the lover secret sessions” and the noise that came out me was actually not human at all. she played half the album the first and kept apologising for ranting and going off topic which was so funny, she’s so adorable i was literally in awe. then was like “we’re gonna take a break so you can all go the bathroom, have a drink and stretch your legs” and then mentions she’s made us treats and everyone’s like OMG and she’s literally like “it’s just rice crispy treats i dyed in heart shapes” and it was just the funniest thing bc she’s just so sarcastic but they were the cutest things and just knowing she spent time making them was honestly insane. like i ate a rice crispy heart treat..made by taylor swift? sounds fake. so then as she’s passing them around, she’s goes into the garden and starts talking to everyone and thanking people’s parents and let everyone on her trampoline and just shouts “THESE ARE MY KIDS” with a glass of wine in her hand and it was such a taylor swift moment. it was just surreal like wtf? imagine bouncing on taylor swifts trampoline? i would’ve went on it but i wasn’t about to break my neck before listening to the rest of the album x

okay so we go back in to listen to the rest of the album and throughout the whole album listening part, i just kept crying and she kept looking at me and smiling and singing and i was just bloody in shock. there was one point during a song we’re me and georgia we’re holding onto each other crying and she just looks at us and tilts her head and gives us the most warming smile. right there we both died together it was unreal. but the album HOLY SHIT every song was INSANE. i found it so hard to pick a favourite so i have 3, this album is literally her BEST, and this coming from a speak now stan🤝 i was just the happiest i’ve ever been, it just seemed like a dream. seeing her sat there in front of me so happy and in such a good place, feeling so proud of this album and these songs just made my heart feel so full. what i was feeling in that moment is unexplainable. just pure happiness like i knew life doesn’t get any better than this... right it’s time for the meet and greets and everyone goes back in to the other room whilst they got ready and people started queuing then to go in and meet her, she spent so much time with every single person and seeing everyone’s faces coming out that room was so magical. the event was supposed to be over at 11pm and it’s literally 1:30am when it was my time to meet her. she’d literally been meeting people for HOURS and is 2 and half hours past the end time and she didn’t even mind. everyone was so eager to go inside that me and the girls decided to wait till the end.

so evie had just come out and now it’s my turn. i almost fainted, i was so dizzy and nervous and WHEN I TELL U I WAS PETRIFIED TO GO INSIDE, I ACTUALLY MEAN IT BECAUSE I WAS STOOD OUTSIDE THE DOOR REFUSING TO GO IN FOR ABOUT A MINUTE CAUSE I COULD JUST SEE HER STOOD THERE AND I WASN’T READY BECAUSE LIKE I’VE DREAMT ABOUT THIS MOMENT SINCE FOREVER. emma and lisa we’re stood there laughing trying to force me inside as well as a girl from TN. took me a good minute but i finally walked in, i walk over to her trying not to cry AGAIN and she’s stood there smiling at me and she says to me “it’s tyler isn’t it?” and i was like JDJSKDJD “yeah 😭😭😭😭” cause i didn’t think she knew who i was and i was just randomly picked by TN??? she then pulled me in for the biggest hug and i just felt like this is it, i’m gonna bloody pass out. I TOLD HER THAT WAITING IN THAT QUEUE TO MEET HER WAS LIKE WAITING FOR THE ELECTRIC CHAIR and i was like why tf did i just say that omg but she laughed and was like “omg hahaha it’s like waiting for the electric chair that’s so funny” then i gave her the lover necklace i’d gotten made for her so we had matching and she kept saying how much she loved and how beautiful it was. then said “i love your necklace” with a little smirk because i was wearing her ‘TS’ initial necklace and my heart just went HDAJHDJDDH. then she asked did i enjoy the day and i was like of course??? it was so amazing i couldn’t stop crying and she was like “aw i had so much fun, i love doing these” and then she asked how i’d gotten here and i told her that i had to take 4 trains and she looked so shocked and thanked me for doing that and asked if i was travelling afterwards and i told her i had a hotel and she goes “omg good, PLEASE don’t talk to any strangers” and i’m just like YEAH OF COURSE ANYTHING FOR U MISS SWIFT :’)))) i hugged her about 3 more times and i asked her about tour, and how she found me and she said she’d found me on tumblr and literally said “its tylovestaylor right?” and i was just like WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. IM SCARED. cause i barely use tumblr because i’m the only one who reblogs myself??? and i’d gotten my dm on twitter so my mind was like wtf is going on right now?? i told her i changed my url and she said she’d follow me 🥺 then says “so do you wanna like... take a picture together or something?” YEAH OF COURSE, IM A BIT OF A MESS RN BUT ABSOLUTELY. she asks what i wanted to do for the photo like stand, sit, go near the piano? and i told her to choose because my mind was just all over the place and she says to me “i think one sitting down with our legs crossed over acting all (then does some pose) and stuff” i just couldn’t believe what was actually happening. we sit down next to each other and she grabs my hand and i’m just holding her and the photographer takes the photo and she tells me to have a look to see if i like it and i said i looked so bad and she goes “ITS SO CUTE, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND PHOTOGENIC” then the photographer told me i was really photogenic and tay goes “SEE SHE EVEN SAID IT” did taylor swift..who invented photos and beauty... just call me beautiful and photogenic? surely not. so we took one more pic and she said she loved it so i loved it😭😭😭 we got up and hugged again and i just kept saying i love you and she told me i was beautiful and i was like SO ARE U???? and then i told her that i still don’t believe she’s real and she laughed. we hugged again i told her i loved her as i was walking out she shouts “please get home safely” and i said “have a safe flight wherever you’re going next” at the same time and she laughed and was like “OMG THANKYOU?” and i walked out and the emotions i was going through oh my god. i’d just met my favourite person in the entire world? like never in a million years did i think i’d ever meet her let alone get handpicked for secret sessions. i was in so much shock like it wasn’t real. that never happened? i’m still in shock now and literally crying writing this. she was so lovely and welcoming and spoke to me like she’d known me forever.

AND AFTER ALL THAT, SHE DECIDES SHE WANTS ME LITERALLY DEAD AND LIKES MY POST ON HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. RIGHT AFTER I’D MET HER.

i couldn’t get over how beautiful she is, inside and out like i already knew that but seeing her in real life is so different, she’s literally flawless and so cute and delicate and i’ll literally die for this woman. thankyou so much, from the bottom of my heart @taylorswift for choosing me out of 100m+ fans, i’ll never understand why i was chosen but i can’t explain how grateful i am. it was by far the best day i’ve ever had in my 18 years of being alive, nothing will ever come close to that moment. i cant wait for everyone else to hear this album, i miss you and your hugs already and i forgot to tell you because my mind was blank but i’m insanely proud of you and will support you forever. promise.

[shhh-no-ones-home]

secrets (2/2) izzy stradlin x reader

+++++++++

part 1 part 2

tour is over, its been about two months since it ended. you all are finally back to your own places in LA and youve been back and forth with izzy ever since, spending much more time with him as well as all the gnr guys. the aftermath finally caught up with you though.

song: forgive me mother by the relentless

tag list: @cynic-spirit @satans-arse

+++++++++

"hey mike can i ask you a question?"

i looked over at duff who wasnt really paying attention. i was hoping if i used his real name he would understand i had something important to say. it didnt. he kept moving his fingers against his bass, strumming it and nodding his head back and forth.

"mikey?"

i asked again but still nothing.

"Micheal!"

i practically yelled and he looked up at me shocked.

"jeez y/n cant you see im busy? what?"

i huffed and crossed my arms over my chest, sinking further into the couch.

"i have a question."

he looked over at me like 'really?'

"okay?"

he said unamused.

"do you think im a good person?"

i said a little shy. he drew his brows together before setting his bass down.

"of course, youre like a sister to me."

he said and i shook my head.

"thats not what i meant."

he looked at me a little concerned.

"wheres all this coming from?"

he asked, sitting back and really looking at me. i shrugged.

"i have a secret that i really want to tell you but im scared."

he placed his hand gently on my thigh, squeezing it.

"you know you can talk to me about anything but if its to much you dont have to."

i nodded.

"duffy i-"

i closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. then the front door swung open, snatching my attention. iz and axl both walked in, izzy sending me a weird look noticing duffs hand still on my leg. they both walked down the hallway away from us.

"ill tell you later."

i said, standing and walking to the kitchen.

"okay."

he said softly, watching me leave. i stepped behind the wall for a second and took a deep breath, hearing him strum his bass again. if i couldnt even tell duff, how the hell was i supposed to talk to izzy about this. i walked slowly to the fridge and looked in it, frowning.

"god, do we have anything here other than alcohol?"

i complained, slamming the door shut.

"its never been a problem before."

izzy said sternly, making me jump as he watched me from across the room sipping his beer. i hadnt really noticed him there when i walked in and was wondering if he had really been there that long. i could have swore he went to the back room with axl. i shook my head of the thought and sat down at the table.

"maybe i want something different for once. is that a problem?"

i asked, picking at the doily under the napkin holder. he shrugged and sat across from me, crossing one leg over the other.

"i guess not."

he kind of snapped back. i frowned at him.

"you okay iz?"

he seemed a little off but then again maybe i was just projecting my own feelings onto him.

"yeah im great, why do you ask?"

he said a little coldly and i drew my brows, looking down at the table. i knew we were a secret and all but he didnt have to be mean about it. hed never been like this with me before.

"i dont know, you just seem a little mad."

i said softly, not wanting to actually anger him. he took a long sip of his beer.

"nope just ready to be alone i guess."

he sent me a knowing look and i immediately knew what he wanted. part of me wanted it to but i had more pressing matters to attend to. besides, duff and ax where still here and we wouldnt be able to get away with much, specially not the way he made me scream the last few times.

"alone doesnt sound like a bad idea."

i said back, noting the glimmer of hope in his eyes as he smirked at me, taking another drink.

"hey, slash called and we're gonna meet him and steven to eat, you two coming?"

duff said, poking his head into the kitchen.

"uh no im good, im not hungry."

i said looking over at him and he nodded.

"how bout you iz?"

he side nodded.

"no, ill stay here with y/n, we can go grab something later."

duff nodded once.

"okay."

he said disappearing behind the wall again. i thought for a second before standing and walking to the doorway, watching him and axl leave, waving goodbye before he closed the door. then i felt a looming behind me and it didnt take long for his hands to find their way to my hips.

"so, alone time..."

he said softly, leaning down and nuzzling his nose into my neck. i sighed out as he began kissing there, his thumbs rubbing circles into my sides. then, without warning he spun me around and connected our lips, kissing me deeply. i wrapped my one arm around his shoulders before remembering what i really needed to do and pushed him away.

"wait."

i breathed and he moved in for another kiss.

"i said wait."

i smiled at him, free hand firmly against his chest.

"c'mon, i missed you."

he protested kissing my cheek a few times, slowly moving to my neck.

"i have something to tell you first."

he hummed against me, his hands making their way to my ass and sliding into my back jean pockets. my eyes went wide as he looked at me a little confused, pulling what was in there out. my heart rate increased as he looked down at it with his brows furrowed.

"surprise?"

i said carefully, trying to study him. he just stared at it for a second, not letting me go.

"wait, y/n what is this?"

he looked up at me. i cleared my throat, feeling his hand remove itself from my waist as he held the picture with both hands now.

"what does it look like?"

he looked down at it again then back up at me and his face fell.

"this isnt what i think it is right? you arent?"

i scratched the back of my neck nervously.

"it is, and i am."

his mouth opened and closed a few times like a fish. his hand found its way into his hair, his eyes getting wide as he stumbled back.

"wait."

he said shaking his head.

"i need to process this for a second."

i sent him an odd look.

"izzy are you okay?"

he shook his head no and went back to the table, sitting down and staring at the photo.

"youre... pregnant."

he said slowly. i walked to him and placed my hand gently on his shoulder.

"yep."

i said a little worried now.

"who's is it?"

he asked looking up at me. i sent him a look.

"do you really need to ask?"

he let out a staggered breath and looked back down at the photo sitting on the table.

"so it is mine."

he affirmed with himself and nodded a few times, very slowly. he turned his head back to me and of course my stomach was eye level with him. he looked up at me for a second before wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my stomach, never once breaking eye contact.

"i know ive never said it before cause we are so on the down low we are basically nonexistent but i love you. so much."

he said sincerely, standing up and placing his hands firmly at my back, pulling me closer to him. i smiled at him, tears stinging my eyes.

"i love you too Jeffrey."

i said softly, placing my hand against his cheek. he picked me up quickly and sat me on the table, leaning down and kissing me deeply.

"what the fuck?"

i heard and both our attention snapped to the kitchen doorway, duff standing there with a shocked expression on his face.

"i thought you were getting dinner with slash."

i said, eyes wide.

"i forgot my wallet. and hey! i thought you two were just friends!"

he torted back.

"not anymore."

izzy said, holding the picture of the sonogram up.

"im gonna be a dad."

he said endearingly, looking back down at me with a wide smile across his lips.

"youre pregnant?!"

duff practically screamed, walking into the kitchen and taking the picture from izzy. i nodded.

"thats what i wanted to tell you earlier."

he looked up at me, a distressed look on his face.

"my fake sister is pregnant with the child of my bands guitarist."

he said unbelievably, making me giggle.

"duffy its not a big deal."

he looked at me like i was crazy

"not a big deal? youre pregnant! this is life changing!"

"wait, y/n's pregnant?"

i heard slash say, the rest of the band coming into view behind him. i face palmed, making izzy laugh as duff moved to sit in the chair, looking over the sonogram again.

"alright, since everyone's here now, yes i am pregnant."

i said, looking over slash, axl, and steven as they walked into the kitchen. slash took the sonogram from duff and looked down at it, duffs fingers tangling in his messy blonde hair.

"who's the father?"

slash asked looking over at me, izzy still stood between my legs, looking smug as ever. he was still waiting for an answer though so i just pointed to iz.

"no."

he said, shocked.

"congrats."

steve said, walking over and half hugging me the best he could with izzy still in the way.

"thanks."

i said smiling at him. izzy faked hurt and frowned.

"hey, i had a part in this too."

he protested, axl coming over and slapping him on the back.

"oh we know. you dog!"

i laughed and hid my face in my hands.

"ya know, we were having a nice moment. what happened to you all getting dinner together?"

they all looked around at each other and shrugged.

"couldnt decide who would buy so we tried to pool together cash but duff left his wallet here. we came back to get it, he was taking too long so we came in to investigate why and now we all know the big news."

axl narrated.

"now i feel like you two have to come with us, as a celebration dinner."

slash said. i looked over at duff who still seemed like he was having a crisis.

"what do you say iz? celebratory 'we're expecting' dinner?"

he nodded, kissing me gently.

"id love that."

[kpurereactions]

Hey, sweetie! If you have time can I ask for Seventeen reaction when they would during an argument accidentally curse at their s/o for the first time and making them cry? If not it's still okay! Thank you so much for your time and hard work! I really cant stop reading your posts❤

He had been distant lately. It was obviously stress causing the distance but you couldn't help that he was taking it out on you. It wasn't fair. This was the fourth time he was supposed to meet you for dinner, and the fourth time you were left looking like an idiot at a cooling grill. You had enough. You never would ask him to choose between you and his career, but he could at least throw you a bone. If he knew he wasn't going to show up why would he tell you he would and then go home to eat with his members? If he was so tired why couldn't he sleep at your place? His manager knew about you and supported the relationship so its not like he would be going out of his way. 

You were slightly drunk on your walk home. The first hand embarrassment of the owner telling you that maybe next time he’ll show was enough reason to drink just enough. It was cold out, and as you buried your face deeper into your scarf your drunkin mind told you to call him. And keep calling until he picked up. 

When he finally answered on the... 3rd, you were counting on your fingers, he sounded annoyed. As if missing dinner again was your fault.  “Where were you?” You asked strongly.  “Are you drunk?” “Where were you.” You asked again.  “Look I got hung up I’m sorry i didn't call.” H said, breathing heavily through his nostrils.  “Ah, well thank god your sorry for standing me up once again. Are you serious?” You rose your voice.  “Look, y/n, I’m sorry but the world doesn't revolve around you. I cant just stop what I’m doing to run to your beck and call.” He said, his voice matching yours.  “And what exactly was it you were doing? Going to dinner with your members?” You said, noting the background commotion. “And so what if I am.” You stopped in your tracks. Across the street you saw him. Sitting between two of the members, beer and empty plates scattering the table. He didn't even have the audacity to excuse himself. Your silence caused him to check his screen to see if you were still there before sighing deeply and brining it back to his ear. He was about to say something else, but just as his mouth opened he saw you standing across the street. 

You watched as he placed the phone on the table and brought his elbows up to pinch the bridge of his nose. You were shocked. All the empty plates meant they were there for a long time. Probably much longer than you were down the street. And he was so close. You watched as he hung the phone up and grabbed his coat, telling those around him he would be right back before hurrying towards the door, all eyes now spotting you. 

You began to walk, suddenly not wanting to speak to him but you knew he would catch up. You heard him call your name over and over 

If he doesn't stop he still loves me. If he gives up, he’s stopped. You thought to yourself. 

A hand caught your elbow and you staggered back, your cheeks bright red from the cold and your eyes already threatening to spill. 

“Where are you going, why did you walk away.” He said. His eyes seemed sorry. 

“You were busy. I didn't want to bother you.” You snapped, trying to walk away again only to be caught by his arm. 

“Look, Y/n, I’m sorry, I really am.” He tried, still holding onto you so you couldn't walk away. 

“So sorry you ate an entire meal while I waited for you, thanks for the consideration.” You tried to walk away again already knowing his hand would stop you

“You know how the guys are.”

“No! I don’t! Do you want to know why? Because you never have me around. You keep me hidden. You make us meet in secret places. Hell, they probably don’t even know I exist! Im not asking to be the center of your world I never asked that. But leading me on. Standing me up. How dare you. Its obvious you don’t care at all about me. And your proving you never did.”

“Fuck you.” He spit. Your eyes widened, but he continued. “Fuck you if you don’t think I care. Fuck you for not understanding what it is I do. Fuck you for making such a big deal about something you should expect from dating someone like me.”

“Someone like you? I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE.” You said, the tears that had been threatening since before finally rolling over your waterline. You thought for a second about saying something else, but everything you needed to say was said and he wasn't listening. So you jerked your arm out of his grasp, stumbling a bit, and turned your back. 

Seungcheol:

His hands would reach for his hair. Tears in his own eyes everything he did wrong seemed to catch up with him at once. He’d turn away from you before turning back to see you had already left. He didn't want to actually loose you.  “Fuck” He’d say under his breath, instantly breaking into a jog to catch you. He wouldn't say anything, Just wrap his arms around your body as his collided with yours. You were crying, and hard by the way he felt your shoulders shake. He buried his face in your hair and just held you for as long as you let him.  “You better say something right now Seungcheol.” You threatened. He could feel your body tensing, ready to break out of his grip. With his hands moving to your shoulders he turned you to face him. He watched as your eyes softened and you hand reached up to wipe a way what he realized was his own tear. His heart broke when your hand stopped and retracted. He caught it softly, bringing it to his cheek, kissing the back of your hand softly before sniffling.  “Im so sorry.” It was all he could think to say, but he could see in your eyes that you understood this time it was different. 

Jeonghan:

He was so angry and if you wanted to act like, so be it. He watched you walk, your steps stumbling as you tried to exit as quickly as possible. He didn't want to follow you. He didn't want to deal with your nagging anymore. But something told him he should. He stood there and watched your figure grow smaller with distance before breaking into a sprint. He didn't know what he would say when he got there but he needed to get there. Hed run as fast as he could, the sounds of his name being called from behind him from his manager caused you to turn and before he knew it he was wrapping you in a hug. Hed just hold you. He didn't even care that you were holding back back from him, he just needed you to know he was sorry. Hed hold you for what seemed like forever before softly whispering “im sorry.” and finally relaxing when your arms moved around him.

Joshua:

He would just leave, blaming you for ruining his night. It wouldn't be until he returned home and he had a moment to really reflect on what had happened did he realize he was truly the one in the wrong. Hed tried texting you. He tried calling and with the lack of response he began to worry that he let you get hurt by watching you walk away drunk. He didn't care what time it was. He shuffled into his managers room while putting on his coat “I need to go to Y/n”  Seeing what had happened he agreed, getting up stiffly before taking him to the car. Josh ran into your building and up to your apartment, only stopping to stand impatiently in the elevator. Hed enter your apartment without knocking and wouldn't breath until he saw you standing in his shirt, the only light being from your fridge as you poured yourself water. He wasnt going to hold back any longer, and without a word took just a few long strides to pull you into a deep, im so sorry kiss. 

Jun:

You wouldn't get too far. before you could even turn your back he had you back in his grasp, realizing instantly how terrible and untrue his words were. Hed quickly take them back. Explaining to you that he knew he was being unfair. He didn't know why but you were just an easy target for him to let out all his pent up frustration on and he quickly realized how much he hated himself for doing that to you. Hed gently brush your tears away, and after his apology he would pull you into his chest tightly, holding you as the sobs took over your whole body. He wouldn't try to apologize anymore. There was no reason to. He was wrong and he needed to make up for it. 

Hoshi:

He was trying so hard to convince himself that he was right. He had to be. He wasn't a bad person and he didn't purposefully ever hurt people. But the longer he stared at the pavement the quicker he realized he was wrong. He brought his hands up to rub his eyes, ready to face you again, but you were gone. A figure in the distance. You must really want nothing to do with him. He hung his head and sighed. He blew it. Returning back to the table he sat quietly while everyone else finished, happy no one asked him why he suddenly left. as the days to follow came he grew more and more distracted. He couldnt focus on anything else but you and it was effecting his work. He eventually was pulled aside and told to just go see you, so he listened. 

Seeing you as you opened the door brought tears to his eyes. He was full of regret and had no words to express the way he had been treating you. So when you opened the door more and pulled him inside and into a hug hed melt into you, asking for your forgiveness. 

Wonwoo:

He didn't know why, but as the words were coming out of his mouth he felt like you would stand there and take it, which would give him a chance to fix it. His face would fall as he realized your tears weren't ones of anger, but of a broken heart and he’d retreat. He had no idea how to fix it. He’d stand there as you walked away lost in thought. For the first time he really thought about what it was he wanted from you. What he wanted out of your relationship and what made him ask you to be his in the first place.  He realized just how much you actually had done for him, and how much all he did was really only ever complain to you. You gave him advice. You helped him remain calm in situations where he felt like his head would explode. 

He’d be so lost. He wouldn't know what to do to fix the situation, or even if he could, so he’d wait. He’d wait days, constantly checking his phone in false hope that every ding would be you. But it never was. He was too embarrassed to call you. You were right and admitting he was wrong to your face was something he struggled to figure out what to do. You would move on. You would find someone else and being with Wonwoo would just be a distant memory, but to him you would be something he thought about every day.

Woozi:

He wasn't done. The moment you started to walk away he’d force you to stop. But upon grabbing your hand to spin you around he saw something he thought he’d never see. You crying. All anger would flood out of him as he lifted a hand to brush your hair back slightly, pouting when you avoided his hand. His head would hang, and the next time the two of you made eye contact you could see something switched. “Let me walk you home.” He said, taking your hand in his.  HIs mind would be full of what to say but nothing would come out. He would take you home, Making sure you had plenty of water and were in warm comfy clothes before he left. Still, without saying anything. You wouldn't hear from him in a few days. But you didn't feel angry at all, only sadness. Then one day, you'd be listening to a local radio. The mc would announce a song from an artist you didn't recognize at first, a song called im sorry, and your fingers would be calling Woozi before you really even had time to think about what it was you were doing. 

Dokeyom:

His hand would come up to squeeze the bridge of his nose as you began to walk away. He wasn't done talking to you, but seeing as he just exploded he figured the best thing to do was let the both of you cool off. The next day, as soon as he knew you would be away he’d send you a text, asking to come over to talk. You don’t know why you said yes, your roommate told you there was no reason to give him a second chance but you hit send and went back to what you were doing. He’d sit on the edge of your bed once he got there, his hands folded in his lap as you stood over. He’d explain himself, and explain himself well. He’d tell you he didn't mean to snap at you, and that you were right about him neglecting you. He would explain his fears. He was scared of loosing you, so before you could walk away he pushed you towards that. Maybe it wouldn't hurt as much then. He avoided all eye contact with you while he talked, afraid that if he looked at you he would burst into tears on the spot. He was shocked, to say the least when you stepped between his legs and wrapped your arms around your head, but he didn't hold back for one second and quickly wrapped his arms around you.

Mingyu:

Hed see one tear roll as you turned away and turned away himself. He wasnt ready- nor did he want to leave you. But knowing that he had pushed you into tears was too much for him to handle. Hed walk back to the restaurant, knowing that everyone saw him scream at you and hung his head. He sat there receiving criticism, the boys telling him that you were right and he was being an asshole for the way he walked away from you. The Woozi said something that clouded his head.  “Were you embarrassed of her? Is that why you walked away?” The answer was no. There was no part of you he was embarrassed of. When Hoshi suggested he went and found you he was out of his seat before Hoshi had even finished speaking. 

He ran through the rout you would have taken to get back to your apartment frantically, poking his head into different bars and convenient stores just in case. Until he saw you leaving a store with a bag, your head still hung low. He wouldnt say anything, just run up and wrap his arms around you, burying his nose against your neck. “Im sorry. Im so sorry, seriously.”

Minghao:

Hed watch you walk away, his eyes moving to look at the dark sky before stomping his foot. “Y/n, wait.” hed call, taking a deep breath when you stopped. Hed wait for you to turn around, making sure that you really did want to still talk to him. When you did hed walk up and pull one of his hands from his pocket to take yours. Hed lead you to the side of the sidewalk where there was a ledge long enough for you to sit on and hed kneel in front of you. Hed watch your eyes as you tried your hardest to hold back the tears that were flowing freely. 

Hed explain himself more calmly this time, chuckling when he finished because he realized just how truly idiotic his reason sounded. Hed apologize again, asking you to let him at least walk you home, telling you once he knew you were safe and warm you could make the decision to call him the next day or not. But he would be waiting for that phone call. 

Seungkwan:

His hand would immediately cover his mouth. He sounded foreign, even to himself. He didn't mean any of the words that came out of his mouth so why he said them he had no idea. Hed catch you before you could get to far and beg for you to let him try again. Hed have no shame, there was no room for it when he just said the worst thing he could possibly think of saying to someone he loved. Hed force you to stop walking by wrapping his arms around you and hugging you tightly. Hed continue his apology, not even caring if you accepted anymore. He just wanted you to know how sorry he was. Hed stand there with you in his arms for as long as you let him, and even when you pulled away he kept a hand on you to make sure you couldn't run away. He’d know you wouldnt be able to forgive him right away, becasue he wouldnt be able to forgive himself, but he would spend the time after working harder than ever to make it up to you. 

Vernon:

Hed stand there watching you walk away until your figure disappeared into the darkness, the image of you crying burnt into the backs of his eyelids. Hed just stand there, and keep standing there until someone came out to get him, telling him it was time to do. Hed take one last glance, maybe hoping you would be walking back but would sigh when he realized you weren't, and probably never will. Hed try his hardest to pretend like nothing was wrong, but your absence in his life was weighing heavy on his shoulders. Hed think he was doing the right thing by staying away, but the sudden incline in his attitude had the other members worried about it. They would eventually be able to convince him to just call you. Hearing your voice when you finally picked up would make him sniffle, and all he could say was he missed you. 

Dino:

He did not get what it was he did wrong, Even after you stormed away hed rack his brain to try to figure out why exactly you were so mad. The moment he got back to his apartment he would sit there and complain, telling two of the members what had happened and why you were so mad. Once the initial shock of finding out about you wore off, Jeonghan would hit him up against the head and lay out exactly what it was he did wrong. Hearing it from him finally would make it sink in, and his head would fall into his hands.  “Do you still want to be with her?” Hed ask, looking at Dino in a way where not answering wasnt an option. When he finally nodded his head Jeonghan and Wonwoo would help Dino try to find the perfect way to get you to forgive him. 

Kitty

[clownbeep]

This is gonna be kinda brutal. But I want to put it into writing

Big vent/whats been going on

Hah... I guess this is like my life story or some shit...

Trigger warning ahead.. Depression and a bit of gore/suicide talk so if you are sensitive to that please, for your own sake and mental state you might not want to continue.

For those who dont want to hear a pretty dark vent, I understand.

And those who are just scrolling by feel free to scroll past. I just personally want to get this out.

If you have dealt with emotional neglect/abuse and need to know it isnt in your head this might be the post.

By writing this it feels like hopefully someone else will read this and realise certain things are NOT healthy.

If you are questioning if you are being emotionally neglected/abused (im speaking in a parental sense but even romantically or sexually) im not someone to give you answers, but the fact you are questioning it raises some red flags. In a healthy relationship you dont wonder those things.

Sorry for the long prelude but heres what I wanted to say

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Ever since I was young, ive had bad ADHD, manic bipolar/depression, and sensory issues.

I was diagnosed around 13 I believe. My family (I didnt realise it then) always showed pity. Like I was some wild animal that couldnt be tamed and there was nothing they could do. Id do and say stupid attention seeking things just to try and get a shred of empathy.

My family didnt care.

When I was in the hospital for a suicide attempt regaurding pills and my liver had a chance of failing.. None of my family members cried over me. But a family friend. Someone not. Even. Related. Wept over me.

My family didnt care.

I cant say they never cared. They give me food water and luxuries like internet and a phone. For that I am grateful.

But in many other ways they have hurt me faar more than helped.

Once I got out of a short term stay in an inpatient mental facility I desperately needed contact with anyone who would care for me.

I have a younger sister, quite young probably around 7 at the time. She was a close friend of mine for that time. Id hang out with her so often to fill the gap in love it felt my family didnt give. One day I walked into the dining room and overheard my mother and father talking to my little sister. They told her to keep away because I wasnt "stable" because I was "dangerous" and could give her bad Ideas. And with one single action my only friend at the time and way to find happiness was taken away.

My family did not care.

When I stay in bed every day for months on end not knowing which day ill snap and end it all.... I get called lazy.

My family did not care

When I beg for medication to make me a functional human being they brush me off for years on end. Im losing my grip. I can barely remember things that have happened last week because I try so hard to forget everything its my automatic response to everything.

When I cant get to sleep because all of the memories come flooding back and im hit by wave after wave of horrific memories and the feeling if worthlessness... When I cant watch any videos or read posts about families because it brings on unwanted memories and emotions....

Is it me being dramatic then?

When you hear your family openly mocking and laughing about how stupid and dramatic and fake trans people are... How weird and unnatural and mentally insane these people are not knowing they are the very reason grsm and trans suicides are so high...

Am I a liar now? Am I insane?

When I tried to talk to them about my mental health issues. They took my only way of contact and made me feel like it was my own fault.

My family didnt care.

When I was nearly passed out shaking in a bathtub covered in wounds and blood all over... They showed pity, then lectured me for an hour for not telling them or for being impulsive and basically cleaned my wounds and sent me into my room.

My family didnt care.

Yes. I do agree, they cleaned my wounds, the physical side of showing care. However emotionally they were not there.

When my father drinks so heavilly every day he is home from work that he forgets half the things he tells you and can barely function.. They lecture my older sister for having a glass of wine (legal age)

They did not care.

My sister (23) tried for so many years to cling to what little attention she would get by getting good grades and going to college... She realised that it changed nothing about how my family felt toward her.... She snapped.

My family did not care.

She starves herself for a disease she does not have, she uses religion as an exuse to be one of the biggest christian extremists I personally know. Half the days she doesnt eat... Other days she burns book and gets rid of items for being demonic.

My lovely sister used to be kind and quite normal. However she couldnt find comfort in what little live her family gave. Starved for care she turned to religion to un unhealthy degree. Finding any way to keep her mind busy. Now I worry she will end up in the hospital for weighing so little.

My family did not care.

My oldest sister (27) Is married to a continuously cheating husband who she keeps letting back into her life. She was raised with a failing marrige and doesnt seem to see when she should call it quits.

Not to mention her husband has touched someone legally under the age of concent. Did she report him to the authorities? No.

All of these horrific things stemming from bad parenting. Unhealthy relationships and neglect.

Neglect emotionally can cause just as bad things as physical neglect. They are both horrifically dangerous in different ways.

These are the only big things I can remember... Basically age 15 and below are a complete blur to me and I cant remember much of it without thinking for a looong time. Even then I cant remember a lot of it... I feel like ive lost my whole damn childhood. And it hurts more than if they had just hit me or physically harmed me.

Im not underplaying physically harm. But in my personaly opinion I would rather my family have beaten me badly because at least then id have an easier way to prove to people how severe the abuse was. You can see bruises and confirm broken bones... But years of feeling completely useless and being shut off from most of the world other than the internet... It fucks you up in a way I dont think can be healed.

I dont know if I can ever love myself or... Remember things. Its terrifying to think Ill post this and a few weeks later probably not even rememner unless its brought up. Or meeting people and having conversations... And they are just... Gone.

Gone.

I suppose the biggest reason im writing this is well... In the future I dont want to forget in some ways.. I want like to be 100× as awesome knowing itll start as soon as im out of here..

If I dont have anything to compare it too then what is the point?

Ive layed out basically most of what I remember

A large amount of time I look around and nothing registers... Everything is familiar but I cant remember anything for a moment or two.. I feel like my memory is slipping so fast and im terrified.. I cant do anything to stop it and I cant make my mood be stable without the medication my family cant be bothered to get ...

I suppose this is a bit of a vent. I know its kind of everywhere and unorganized..

If im honest.. Tumblr is the only place where people have given me a home I wish I had..

I came out as trans here... Everyone was so damn supportive.. I didnt say anything but I cried hard and the kindness.. It was amazing.. It was such a jarring difference to how I feel when I say anything in real life.

Ive met friends here and ive had some much fun here. If youve stuck around this far thank you so much.. If you didnt I dont blame you.

I just wanted to share what has been flashing in my head these past few days.. It hurts a lot and ive even considered suicide recently..

Im trying hard. As hard as I can.. I have no escape though.

I cannot leave home. I cannot escape. Im not being dramatic.

I

CANT

LEAVE

And its terrifying because I know without medication or at least being somewhere AWAY from family.... I feel like im going to break soon.

I dont want to do anything stupid.. But some days I cant think straight and do things that harm myself and its not good. Its not okay. Im aware that I need help but I have no idea where to go/turn.. I have no ID or drivers liscence.. I have no transportation to and from a job to get money so I can leave... I live in the middle of nowhere.... I just..

I dont want to lose touch. I dont want to do anything bad.. I want to be functional.. I want to do more than eat and sleep my life away because I have nothing else to do..

Im so damn sick and tired of this all.. And at times I really do feel like there is only one way out.

Its always there and I just feel like one of these days im gonna be pushed over the edge and not be thinking clearly enough to stop it.

Im thinking semi clearly right now which is my im posting this.. Because im afraid and alone.

I have nowhere to go irl I have no friends Irl i just have tumblr and media and thats it. I dont expect anyone to be able to help I just wanted to write this so anyone knows what happens if I leave media..

If I tell my family my issues they will blow me off again for the 11th time or so (not exaggerated)

And if I do something to get sent to the hospital and get the help I need the cycle will continue with them being pissed and me getting sent home in a month or less anly for my family relationships to get worse..

Im spiraling fuether and further and I cant keep up the facade of being fine. I need help. And i have no way to get it. Ive just been suffering for years...

Sitting around and doing nothing but using your phone or drawing or whatever sound fun in theory... But if thats all youve been able to do for years with little to no real life social contact its gonna mess with your head... I dont want to be a shut in... I just

I dont know what to do.

Im sorry for rambling. I will most likely delete this later feeling embarrassed I posted this...

Im just tired..

[jising-jisang-jisung]

Sugar Lips | Huang Renjun

Genre: floof

Word count: 1.7k

A/n: this is one of the longest fics I've ever written and not at all based off of a boy from my school whom I dislike sorry about the rushed ending I didnt know where I was going with that :/

~~~~~

You and Renjun had never gotten along. He sat behind you in math and was constantly picking on you. Yeah, you could have destroyed him with some sick burns, but you held your tongue out of consideration for his gigantic ego. Half the school thought you two liked each other and the other knew that yall were mortal enemies. The thought of you liking Renjun made you want to stab your eyes out with sporks. However, you couldnt deny that Renjun was hot. Like, this boi had been hand sculpted by God himself. Seriously damn. You had to give credit where credit is due. But, as I said, you do NOT like Renjun.

After the rumors started that you and Renjun like each other, you tried to react less to him. You no longer argued and paid little attention to him. Much to your dismay, your teachers seemed to find your ability to ignore Renjun as a good quality that most of the others students lacked. This resulted in you sitting by him in most of your classes. But obviously you didnt let this affect you. You just had to sit there and pay him no attention. Easier said than done. You were always trying to not notice him, despite always looking at him because hes hot.

One night your friend, let's call her Ryn for fun, forced you out to a party and then ditched you. Skew you, Ryn! You weren't the biggest fan of parties so you sat on one of the counters in the kitchen, by yourself, patiently waiting for Ryn to be ready to leave. That's when something caught your eye. Renjun was also alone in the kitchen and he was looking right at you. Or at least, you thought he was, but he could easily be looking at something else. Why would he be looking at you anyways? You looked back down at your drink, avoiding any eye contact with the boy you have to ignore.

By this point in the year, you had gotten very good at ignoring him. You didnt even notice when he started walking towards you. And you didnt even react when he grabbed your hand. You paid him no attention as he led you into an empty room. All you had to do was not pay attention to Renjun. That's seriously all you had to do. So you didnt pay attention to him as he leaned towards you. But he grabbed your chin, causing you to look him in the eye. Shoot. Just dont react, you thought to yourself. You tried not reacting as he leaned closer and closer. Until..

He stopped? "Do you want me to stop" he asks innocently, a blush leaking onto his cheeks. Okay stay calm, just dont do anything rash- You tried to tell yourself but instead you grabbed his shirt in a fist and pulled him until the little space between you was now nonexistent. His lips were sweet, like sugar. They were as forbidden as they were sweet. And you were completely aware that you should not be doing what you were doing. Yet, you did not pull away. Thankfully, neither did Renjun. He just wrapped his arms around your waist and held you as close as he physically could.

The next thing you knew, your phone was going off. The musical tone signaling a call from Ryn who, to your dismay, was ready to leave and looking for you. Renjun took a small step back, wiped his mouth, and walked out of the room you to had shared. He didnt even say anything. Confused, you left as well, in search of Ryn. You found her by the door and explained everything that happened on your way home. Leaving out no details, it was a bit hard to believe considering Renjun was known to be you mortal enemy. What will happen when you sit by him in class tomorrow? Will he say something about it to embarrass you? Or will he stay quiet and pretend it never happened? Oh gosh, what if he says it was only because he was drunk? Thinking back to your memory, his mouth didnt taste like alcohol at all, so even if he tried to blame it on drinking, it wasnt feasible. But now you were thinking about kissing him,,, and that thought didnt go away easily.

~

You walk into your first class to see him already there surrounded by the other boys. You had planned to avoid eye contact and avoid him in general because you were worried about what he would do. But you locked eyes and to your dismay, he just smirked. Dare you say, is was a really handsome smirk too. Luckily nobody was paying attention so this interaction went unnoticed as you sat at your seat beside him.

Half the class went by without mishap and you hoped you would never have to deal with Renjun again. However, you are not that fortunate. He slid you a note discreetly.

Y/N, for acting like you have a pole stuck up your ass 80% of the time, you're a surprisingly good kisser ;)

You tried so hard to hold yourself back. To not react. To go back to how things were with Renjun as your enemy of mutual disgust. But you could help but write back.

Only 80% of the time?

You busy later?

I am completely free tonight

Good, my family is out for the night

And then the bell rang and you were off to your next class which you didnt have with Renjun. Before you knew it the school day had ended and you were rushing to leave. Maybe you were going too fast because you didnt see the person in front of you until after you ran right into them.

"Y/N! Can you fucking watch where you're going?!" Renjun said. You were taken aback by his antics because he was acting so weird in your classes today. I guess this makes it seem like nothing has changed between you two to the rest of the school.

"Watch where you're going, Renjun, you stepped out right in front of me." You spit back before you walked away without another word.

~

You arrived at Renjuns house around 5. When he opened the door, you could tell he was nervous but tried to play it off. You wanted to kiss him again, but he hadnt made another move. Yolo! You grabbed his shirt in a fist and aggressively pulled him towards you. His eyes were big, surprised by your actions. He kissed you back more delicately than before. It was as if he was no longer fueled by the lust he had at the party.

Renjun was the first to pull away. His face was bright red as he invited you further into his home. "Are you hungry?" He asked. "Yeah, maybe a little" He then went to his kitchen and got some snacks. "Listen, Y/N" his voice was shakey, "I know that we made out at that party and we havent really gotten along before but what I'm trying to say is" his eyes fell to the snacks in his hands, "I actually like you." Your jaw actually hit the floor when he admitted this. Obviously your reaction didnt do much help for Renjuns nerves. He scratched the back of his head when you didnt respond and spoke again, " I know I act like I hate you and that's because you hate me, dont you? So I'm not expecting you to like me, but I just thought I'd let you know the truth."

You couldnt believe what the boy was saying. Right now he looked so shy and small compared to his usual cocky, confident self. "I dont hate you, Renjun." You tried to say but it only came out in a whisper. His face lit up. "You dont, well then I have a slight chance- shit I meant to say that in my head" Yeah, this boy is supposed to be your enemy, but you have always found him attractive. You spent years pretending to hate each other because you both thought that the other did. Maybe Renjun isnt as bad as you thought. You decided to see where this would take you. "Do you wanna watch a movie?"

Again, his face lit up as he smiled at you handing you a bag of gummy worms, "Thatd be great."

You two wound up picking out a movie that you barely remember because you're sitting very close to Renjun. You cant help but stare, and your heart flutters a little. He turns to look at you, catching you off guard, meeting eyes. This time he took the initiative and grabbed either side of your face and kissed you softly. You wrapped your arms around his neck with your hands playing with his hair. Before you knew it the movie had ended and the credits were playing. You pulled away from Renjun a little dizzy from the lack of oxygen while you had been kissing. You didnt want to leave but it was a school night and you had to get home. You smiled shyly as you stood from his couch. "I'll see you tomorrow." Renjun nodded and followed you out, watching as you drove away.

~

The next day when you entered your class, Renjun was already there, again. But this time he got up from the group of boys and came over to you. He smirked before grabbing your hand and kissing your cheek. Queue everyone's reactions ( .O.) You knew he was just playing it cool but you were still blushing like you have too much blood in your body and it happens to all be in your face. Some people claimed they called it or knew or whatever. None of that was important to you two.

Yall would go on cute dates pretty much anywhere. The park, a picnic, the arcade, literally anywhere was fun with Renjun. Sometimes you'll even go to his house just to nap and cling onto him. Due to this, Renjun bought you a big plushie to hug for whenever he cant be there for you. What I'm trying to say here is that you two are goals and cute af and so on.

[fearsbellsarchived]

[me? Thinking about a gf fairytales au instead of being productive? More likely than u think!!! think ou.at buT BETTER and w/o the real world dimension hopping part. under the cut bc i just copy/pasted my tags from forever ago to put them in one place

mabel and dipper are hansel and gretal

paz is sleeping beauty 

bill is maleficient 

if we’re gonna get disney about it wendy as merida 

i LOVE the idea of tambry as rapunzel??? 

mabel can also be like...eric from the little mermaid 

so mermando can be ariel 

gIDEON AS URSULA/VANESSA IN THAT VEIN THO 

bill is also rumplestilskin 

stan can be the huntsman (idk from which story cause theres a fEW BUT)

ford is the sorcerer from fanstasia 

ford is teaching dipper magic....and instead of a true love’s kiss that’s how he wakes paz (maybe?)

the northwests made a deal w bill like in the most famous version of rumplestilskin but instead of wanting paz for himself he just wanted to steal her body at 16

so when they lose the deal they ask for help from ford and ford’s like “yo i can maybe change the deal??? a little bit???” so instead of bill taking her over when he goes to she falls asleep ​

so dipper wasnt supposed to wake her up but he found her and fords notes and he and mabel went on an adventure

bill is all the villains 

billains 

so stan has to leave mabel and dipper in the woods (idk y it wasnt for long the twins are just impatient) so stan disappears and the twins are like “lETS EXPLORE THE WOODS”

they come across some creepy old house w a lot of spiderwebs (can u guess the villain yet?)

an older woman comes out and is like “why are you guys lost in the forest?”

mabel points to the glitter trail “we’re not lost”

dipper looks behind them ‘mabel!!! where’s all the glitter?!”

(ACTUALLY MAYBE ITS YARN???) 

so they lose the trail 

meanwhile stan is losing his fucking mind

he follows the stray glitter but it’s blown all over

he feels “LOST IN THE WOOOOODDDS!!!”

so the old lady offers for them to stay the night bc its getting late

dipper is SUPER sus but he plays it cool surprisingly

mabel is So In!

long short...stan eventually saves them from darlene’s trap

usually shes just a maneater but look

when u live in the woods u do what u can

so stan hauls them back to their cottage

dipper knew there was weird shit out there but he wants MORE

he starts going through his great-uncle’s journals (*cue the dipper squee*)

he reads about bill and his deal w paz’s parents

he’s like....’maybe we should rescue her?’

ford wont tell him why they cant

so dipper and mabel sneak out

they steal the grunkles’ boat

mabel falls over board???

dipper tries like HELL to save her

but then he sees mermando save her

SO MABEL IS SAVED BY MERMANDO!!! 

gideon (who had long-loved mabel from afar) finds out

he visits the merman to trick him

all mabel remembers is his voice

so YES mermando trades his voice for legs just like the movie

sue me okay w his distinct accent it makes sense!!!

so the twins get sidetracked bc mermando shows up out of nowhere

they dock on a small island for a pit stop and thats when ‘kiss the girl’ happens

they dont kiss so they move on

they dock on another stretch of land the next day

AND GIDEON APPEARS

the twins have only heard about him from their grunkles so mabel hears his voice and goes *heart eyes*

mermando is Distressed

dipper is Focused on getting to this sleeping princess

mabel makes fun of him for liking her

SO GIDEON HAS MERMANDOS VOICE!

at one point dipper catches him w/o the amulet that makes him sound like mermando

and he tells mabel and its kinda like “the hand that rocks the mabel” or whatever the ep was called

it takes dipper and mermando being threatened (and gideons voice slipping) for her to catch on and she breaks up w him

dipper wants to throw him overboard

they just leave him on the next inhabited island they find

mermando got his kiss but decides to go back to the ocean anyway

he promises to write

mabel is Sad

SO BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED ADVENTURE!

the twins come across a land near the one paz is on and decide to stop for food and to stretch their legs and other hygiene things

they find out there’s some archery thing going on and mabel is like ’ooooh can we try?!’

turns out its for neighboring kingdoms’ princes to win a princess

mabel and dipper think this is RIDICULOUS so they crash it

mabel steps up to shoot and everyone’s like ‘wHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?’

then dipper steps up beside her. neither of them have shot a bow before

they shoot at the same time. mabel’s like thisclose to the bullseye. dippers too far right

THEN!!! PRINCESS WENDY COMES OUT OF NOWHERE

DIPPER AND MABEL ARE IN AWE OF THIS VALKYRIE. THEYRE BOTH READY FOR HER TO KILL THEM BC THEY THINK ITLL BE AWESOME

but wendy is like ‘ACTUALLY ILL SHOOT FOR MYSELF THANKS’ and splits like three arrows down the middle w her accuracy

she looks at mabel and dipper and is like ‘u dudes look fun! ive never seen u before who are u???’

and they’re like ‘WELL!’ and launch into detail about their adventure w overlapping voices and sound affects and VAST description

anyways. i cant decide how old people are rn okay 

so wendy is like “hey dad??? im going on an adventure w these guys!” and her dad is like “unusual but u DID just win ur own hand. so ill allow it”

“YES! can i take soos too?!” 

“sure!”

sO THEYRE OFF AGAIN!!! lemme tell u the ship is filling faST!!!

they get to paz’s land. and the first thing they find is a girl in a tower with long purple hair.

everyone is pretty much just making ‘wtf’ faces for like....ten minutes.

finally wendy calls up the tower like “YO! WHATS W ALL THE HAIR?!”

tambry leans out the window w a bored expression and goes “its mine. im tambry. who r u?”

they introduce themselves and are like��“u wanna come on our adventure?”

then....ROBBIE APPEARS!

and he knows where the princess is!!!

”oh yeah. her. shes also in a tower. its got a door but its guarded by gnomes.”

then robbie climbs tambrys hair pecks her cheek and ducks in the tower

they decide to head for the tower robbie directed them to. but they have to pass the castle. Northwest Castle

robbie warned them about the northwests. said that the princess was one and before she disappeared she was the snottiest brat hed ever met

so they became friends despite the fact that he plays music for a living (and not very well either)

her parents told her of the spell when she was twelve

so robbie’s like “they are not nice people and neither was she??? most of the townsfolk are glad shes asleep tbh”

but dammit! dipper came here for an adventure!!! he wasnt going to stop just bc the princess wasnt what he expected!

so they continue on!

mabel is like “maybe she doesnt KNOW how to be nice!”

and soos is just excited to be there!

and wendy is just...u kno...chill

they start to get close to the castle and they feel like they’re being watched

and then soos notices the PEACOCKS!

they assume theyre spies for the king and queen. which is half true?

they can also warn bill if someone is near pacifica

oh damn imagine that

being stuck asleep w a DREAM DEMON in ur head

sorry for the accidental psychological torture paz

WHICH IS THE ONLY TORTURE SHES HAD!

i think to make up for risking her life as a baby ther parents were like “we’re just gonna spoil u rotten and PRETEND u do no wrong eVERYTHING IS FINE”

so dipper is reading the journal and he FINALLY gets to the true loves kiss part of the deal

and he looks around at the party like “oh shit true love what do we do???”

mabel suggests he at least try and everyone agrees that yeah okay thats the back up plan

but dipper wants to use a SPELL!!!

so the king and queen see him w the journal and remember ford having the same one

so everyone is brought to the king and queen

theyre like “pRINCESS GWENDOLYN?!”

bc this is MY STORY and if i wanna give wendy a more princess-y name thEN I WILL

i say as i continue to refer to mason as DIPPER!!!

SO THEYRE MEETING THE NORTHWESTS!!!

wendys like “yes that is me the princess” and then everyone else introduces themselves...w dipper introducing himself as mason bc it just sounds more fairytale-y

soos is jesus (hey zeus! not jee sus)

soos is like....wendys bff/personal servant but mostly bff

so they explain their adventure to the northwests as quickly as possible

preston is no patient man and he’s is like “tbh its probably important she be here for her 18th bday soooo??? as long as she wakes up by next year why not???”

but only bc dipper was like “i wANNA USE MAGIC I DONT WANNA KISS HER THATS PLAN B!!!”

plus u kno...even if he DOES whats the guarantee itll work???

the guarantee is me being a filthy shipper tHATS WHAT!!!

so they continue to the tower!

there is probably a sidequest thingy with giffany bc i liked that episode

also soos needs more screentime im sorry

SO THEN!!! FINALLY!!!! THEY MAKE IT TO THE TOWER!!!

WHICH IS!!!

IN FACT!!!

GUARDED

BY

GNOMES!]

also theres a manotaur/multi-bear sidequest i just thought of bc i like THAT episode!!!

is this gf, a fairytale, sk.yrim, or a d.n.d campaign now??? WHO KNOWS!!! ITS NOT ME!!!

SO THEY GOTTA GET PAST THE GNOMES!

first they offer safe passage in exchange for mabel as their queen

after thats declined theyre like “or the redhead. well take her!”

this is also declined

finally jeff tells them to attack

at first the party tries to fight them off and they do okay

uNTIL SOME GNOME WEAPONIZED SCHMEBULOCKS RAINBOW PUKE!!! (i think it’s toxic tbh but i dONT REMEMBER)

finally mabel just pulls out her trusty crosSbow (aka “GRAPPLING HOOK!”) and they just make a tightrope to the window above the door

wendy goes first and NAILS it

then everyone else follows

soos almost falls and gets left to the gnomes but everyone helps him balance and they all make it through the window

coincidentally. the window leads to the princess’s room

OH MAN WHY DIDNT I USE THE PTERODACTYL?!

oh well. anyways.

everyone is looking around the room and like...taking it all in

dipper takes a moment...then walks over to the princess

he isnt sure if waking her will also wake the demon

crossover even more w my old paciphera au??? idk probably not

so dipper tries the spells he narrowed it down to

none of them work

all his friends have returned to the princess’s room and mabel is like “u gotta kiss her brobro!”

so dipper...poor poor dipper...just leans forward and kisses her

paz pretty much snaps her eyes open when dipper is a half inch from her face while he’s pulling back 

and even tho she was forewarned she wasnt expecting DIPPER so she SCREAMS

dippers ears are ringing

she shuts her eyes and stills her breathing and sits up.

AND SEES EVERYONE ELSE AND SCREAMS AGAIN

“i dIDNT EXPECT U TO BRING *FRIENDS*!”

so once shes a little more calm they explain the whole adventure to her

paz feels a little honored they came all this way just for her

also since True Love beats everything bill is like.....back in his home dimension. also paz has been fighting him for like....over a year.

so paz is like....ready to Go. u kno. just wants to go HOME.

they get pazs shit together and exit the tower through the door

she says goodbye to the gnomes. all by name.

“oh yeah mom and dad made them my personal guard when i was like...eight. theyve been prepping for this my whole life. they’ll meet me back at the castle.” so then she starts telling them about herself and her last like 

two years of being asleep w a DREAM DEMON

“sometimes i got the weirdest nightmares??? and they never ended. but when i woke up i couldnt remember anything specific.”

she and dipper talk away from the group. he tells her about how hes her true love and everything “okay well. we’ll have to lie to my parents and say it was a spell. bc they will NOT approve of us being true loves and if they hurt you...”

“then they hurt *you* too!” dipper finishes (idk maybe a combo w a soulmate au thing?)

meanwhile mabel is like...whining about boy problems??? and wendy is like “this is y boys r dumb.”

soos is like...wandering off. I WANNA INCORPORATE MELODY BUT WHO SHOULD SHE BE?!

paz and dipper start like....arguing about how to deal w her parents

apparently they actually ARENT that nice. if she doesnt marry a prince they’ll give her over to bill completely...or something idk

SO theyre nearing the castle!!!

theyve written theyre grunkles okay no worries. also mermando.

thats y mabels complaing about boys.

mermando and that manatee wife of his!!!

paz is not exactly ready to face her parents so she convinces the party (roll for charisma) to go the long way

which is actually just circles

anyways

we run back in to melody and soos and the party is like ‘wHOOPS WE DIDNT EVEN NOTICE GLAD U DIDNT GET EATEN BY A SPIDER LADY!

maybe melody is like....a fairy???

something light and ‘childish’ bc thatd fit her personality

soos is like “ive BEEN here. u dudes have been going in circles.” and everyone glares at paz.

“im sorry!!! i just dont want to go back!!!”

“ur dad made us promise to have u back for ur 18th bday.” says dipper while he tries to stay mad at his future wife

paz is like “YEAH SO HE CAN MARRY ME OFF TO A PRINCE!!!”

idk why paz and dips are being better at being soulmates here okay i was like....sleep-drunk when i first wrote this

so the party has a choice to make.

take paz back home where she wont be able to be w her TL (which in some cases has probably led to death) OR!!!

sneak her out and take her home w them?!

wendys probably gotta go back to her own kingdom tho.

and soos wants to stay w melody

U KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED?!

sTAN NEVER GOT TO BE SOOS’S DAD!!!!

SORRY SOOS!!!

so anyways

mabel and dipper decide to help her sneak out

luckily she knows all the blindspots

it takes longer but they finally make it back to their ship

they say theyre goodbyes to soos and melody and paz wishes them well in her kingdom. she promises to return when shes ready to rule

they load the ship and sail to wendys kingdom next

they stay a few days to recuperate

paz has trouble sleeping bc when she does the nightmares come back.

cue a kat.niss/pee.ta thing where paz sleeps next to dips bc it keeps the nightmares away

wendy has to explain why soos isnt w them to her dad who kinda shrugs it off?

“u proved u can protect urself.” or something.

after like.....a whole fucking year the twins are heading home.

paz and dipper sleep together on the ship too bc its just fucking easier

paz is nervous to meet the grunks

she and dipper arent exactly....dating??? its def more like soulmate au

where theyre AWARE theyre supposed to be together but they dont even rly know if they WANT to be together.

paz is p much “i dont rly wanna be w anyone else. ill let u kno if that changes.” and dips is like “tbh same.”

mabel is already planning a big royal wedding.

iDK Y BUT I WANT THEM TO FIND OUT THEYVE BEEN ROYALTY ALL THIS TIME??? probably just bc i LOVE that trope!!! but theyre not so its whateves.

so they FINALLY get home. mabel has been writing letters this whole time. to mermanso. to soos and melody. to wendy.

shes the captain of the dip.ifica ship and shes gotta keep her crewmembers in the know!!!

the twins also wrote to the grunks the whole time so!!!! no worries!!!

paz tries writing to her parents...but she can never find the right words.

meeting the grunks isnt as bad as she thought???

stan loves her off the bat. partially bc shes rich and bc she doesnt take shit

ford is pleased to meet the girl he saved and shes v v thankful to him for saving her life as best he could.

it takes her like a YEAR to write the letter.

she promises her parents she’ll return. AFTER shes married.

at this point she and dipper ARE together. they figured all theyre confusion out and are just living the good life!

mabel and wendy are doing the long distance thing. shes still friends w mermando.

robbie and tambry found paz and they write back and forth.

u CAN TAKE ROBBIE AND PAZ SIBLINGS FROM MY DECOMPOSING HANDS!!!

everything is as happily ever after as it can get.

and then dipper proposes despite knowing what it means.

BUT THATS A WHOLE OTHER ADVENTURE!!!!

*end credits roll. an epic theme song starts playing*

[moodycastiel-writes]

sacrifice

summary: reader undertakes the trials to close the gates of hell in sam’s place. this is a little au that takes place during the season eight finale!

pairing: sister!reader and winchesters

warnings: angst. lots and lots of angst. foul language. y’know, the usual. there’s not a happy ending with this one. please don’t hate me (:

author’s note: i wasn’t originally going to write the confession, but i had a lot of ideas on how to establish a relationship between reader and the brothers, and i felt having her confess to her sins would make her more of an empathetic character. so yes, this is a small au that i had in mind where reader is sam & dean’s older sister who does the trials instead of sam. (((oh, also, cas does end up believing metatron and him and naomi kill metatron so the angels never fall.))) ((double also, crowley calls reader ‘fatale’, which is a rocky and bullwinkle reference, since he calls sam and dean moose and squirrel. just wanted to throw that out there in case anyone was confused to that reference!)) anywho, yeah, i hope y’all enjoy!!

——————————————————————————————————

You could hear your blood pounding in your ears as you stood at vestibule of the run-down church, your shaking hand loosely holding on to the can of red spray paint, eyes trained on the devil’s trap you painted. This was it. Everything that has happened this past year is finally coming to an end.

You let out an uneven breath as the doors opened gently, the heavy footsteps of your brothers approaching you with caution.

“Do you have him?” you asked, not bothering to lift your tired eyes to meet them.

“Yeah,” Sam spoke, a level of uncertainty to his voice. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I have to,” you answered, turning around curtly and brushing past Sam and Dean, leaving the church as you neared the Impala. It was only a few moments before they were both at your side again, the hot sun doing little to warm the permanent chill that settled into your soul when you first started the trials.

“We should get started,” you said, turning to Dean, “the sooner the better.”

Dean nodded his head and smiled at you, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He opened the trunk and pulled out a handcuffed Crowley, completely at your disposal. Dean walked the demon into the church to get him ready, leaving you alone with Sam.

“How are you holding up?” he asked you as you grabbed the jar of holy oil from the back seat.

“Fine,” you responded, an unintentional iciness to your voice. “I’ll be better when this is all over.”

Dean walked back outside to meet you and Sam, wiping his hands on his pants. “Crowley’s all prepped and primed,” he turned to look at you, “How we feeling about this?”

“Honestly?” you asked, looking between your younger brothers, “Good. Better than what I have in a while. I think we’re finally going to win. This is all going to be over,” you sighed, a ghost of a smile appearing on your face for the first time in a long while.

Sam clapped a hand on your shoulder, but Dean cleared his throat behind you two. “All right, well, no dancing in the end zone until we're finished. What's the good father's playbook say now?”

You looked around the outside of the church eyes falling over the stained-glass windows. “Well... Now that we got the consecrated ground, I just, uh,” you cleared your throat, “I slip Crowley one dose of blood every hour for eight hours and seal the deal with a bloody-fist sandwich. That oughta do it.”

“Your blood's supposed to be purified, isn't it?” Dean remembered, “You ever, uh -- you ever done the ‘forgive me, father’ before?”

You shook your head, gaze dropping to the ground. “No, never. I have no idea what I should even say,” you admitted.

A thousand things were running through your head. All the countless times you’ve fucked up over the years. From the second your mother burned on the ceiling of Sam’s nursery to now, there was so many things you could confess. All the lies and betrayals, the murders and all the innocent people you’ve let die. Tears pricked your eyes, but you cleared your throat and blinked them away.

“Well, I could give you some suggestions,” Dean tried.

“O-okay, yeah. Sure,” anything could help.

“Alright,” he glanced at Sam, who had a disapproving look on his face. “Well, there was the whole siding with the demons thing. Or, um, ditching me when we were in Purgatory. Saying yes to Michael. Oh, also—”

“I get it!” you cut him off, not believing all the things he was currently throwing in your face. A wave of guilt washed over you, and an unsettling silence washed over you three.

“Well, we’re not getting any younger,” you finally said, passing Sam the jar of holy oil before making your way to the church.

“Hey!” Dean called after you, “Maybe open what you did to Penny Markle? In the sixth grade?”

You shot him a confused look, “That was you.”

Dean paused, the memory of what he did to poor Penny coming back to him. Clearing his throat, he waved you off. “Nevermind! Carry on.”

You rolled your eyes at him and made your way back into the church, closing the door behind you. You did you best to ignore Crowley’s eyes following your every move as you walked into the confession room, taking a seat on the bench.

“Okay,” you let out a shaky breath, “if anyone is listening, here we go.” You paused, your eyes screwing shut tightly. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” A cool blast of wind rushed by you, ruffling through your hair. You took it as a sign that someone, somewhere was listening, and continued on. “I have made a lot of mistakes. I have so many regrets, so many sins, that I don’t even know where to begin. I watched my brothers die, so many times, for what? To fulfill some stupid prophecy? I should have protected them. I—” you stumbled on your words, tears threatening to fall from your eyes.

You wiped at your face and continued on. “I never should have let Dean sell his soul for Sam. It should have been me. I was supposed to do everything I could to protect those boys. If I just strapped on a pair, Dean never would have went to hell, and the seals never would have been broken. This is all my fault. I have to fix it.” The tears were falling freely down your face now, but you didn’t care enough to wipe them away. “I shouldn’t have let Sam ever say yes to Lucifer. I could have said yes. He never would have gone to Hell and lost his soul. It’s all on me.”

You took in another shaky breath, trying to calm down. “Leaving Dean alone in Purgatory… I don’t even know what I was thinking. I was so stupid,” you let out a humorless laugh. “I thought I was doing my best to protect him, but deep down I was trying to get away from him. From Sam. I caused so much pain in their lives, that it would be better if I just disappeared from their lives all together. 

“But those things I’ve confessed, those sins I’ve committed, they’re not even the icing on the cake. I have so many things just piling up that I could sit here forever, but I don’t have enough time. My greatest sin, the tip of the iceberg… What I want forgiveness from the most is how,” your voice broke as you choked back a sob. “My greatest sin is how many times I’ve let my brothers down.”

An ache settled in your chest as you confessed what you never thought you’d say out loud in a million years. Another breeze of wind brushed past you, and you took it as a sign that your confession was over. You wiped your face, leaving behind all the traces of your confession in that booth and stepped out, your guilt weighing on your soul heavier than before.

Crowley stared at you with a smug look on his face, no doubt he heard everything you had just said. Eyeing a roll of duct tape on the table with your gun, the needle, and holy water, you grabbed it and ripped a piece off, tightly taping the demon’s mouth shut.

“Not a word,” you sneered, walking out of the church. You saw Sam and Dean talking with Castiel at the Impala in hushed tones. You couldn’t make out what they were saying from the distance you were at, and crept closer to them to make something out.

“—You’re asking us to leave her, Cas. Now, if anybody needs a chaperone while doing all the heavy lifting, it’s [y/n]” you were able to make out from Dean’s whispering. His confession about you was like a slap in the face. Did he really not trust you that much? Thinking you needed a chaperone for everything you did?

“You should you,” you announced, startling your brothers. You knew Cas was aware of your presence, and did nothing to acknowledge him.

They turn to look at you, a guilty look on their faces. “Seriously,” you added, not wanting to continue this conversation.

“Yeah, and leave you alone with the King of Hell? Really?”

You frowned at Dean, not understanding why he can’t trust you to do this one thing. Did he really expect so little of you where he is always prepared for you to fuck up and need someone to clean up your mess?

“Yes, really,” you snapped. You ignored the look of hurt that crossed over his face. “You two can’t do anything to help me. This is on me. I think I can get through one little thing without fucking it up.”

“[Y/n], you know that’s not what this is about,” Sam said gently. “It’s not that we don’t trust you. We don’t trust Crowley.”

“Crowley is bound to where he sits,” you argued, “nothing, not even the king of Hell, can get through both a devil’s trap and the chains we have him in.”

“Fine,” Dean said, “Start the injections now. If we’re not back in eight hours, finish it, no questions, no hesitation.”

“Yeah,” was all you responded. Castiel placed a hand on each of your brother’s shoulders and with the flap of his wings he was gone, leaving you alone at the church. With a heavy sigh, you made your way back into the building, facing Crowley. His words to you were muffled under the duct tape, but that didn’t stop him from blabbing. With a roll of your eyes, you ripped the tape off of his mouth, ignoring his wince of pain.

“You really think injecting me with human blood is gonna make me human? Did you read that on the back of a cereal box?”

You ignored the demon as you picked up the needle, pushing it into the vein in your arm. You drew enough blood and slowly ejected it, and walked over to Crowley.

“Are you listening to me, brat?”

“Shut up,” you sneered, thrusting the needle into his neck. He howled in pain as you yanked the needle away.

“You're miles out of your league, kid,” Crowley barked at you as you turned your back on him.

“See you in an hour,” you called over your shoulder, walking to the table at the altar. Your arms began to glow that golden color that always appeared after you completed the trials. Why was it showing up now? You bit back your pain, your hands forming into tight fists, waiting for the pain to go away. When the light finally faded from your veins, you let out a breath of relief and sunk to the ground, your back resting against the altar. You looked up at the cracked statue of Jesus on the cross and closed your eyes, waiting for your watch to beep, signalling the next round of injections.

—————————————————————————————————————

When your watched finally beeped after an agonizingly long hour, your were up on your feet as fast as you could get, the needle already in your hand. You ejected more blood from your veins into the syringe and made your way back over to Crowley, who looked at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes. You ignored the look in his eyes and issued the second dose of injections into his neck. In the blink of an eye, Crowley’s head turned and his teeth sank into your forearm, hard enough to draw blood.

“What the fuck!” you exclaimed in pain, drawing your arm back and clutching the new wound in pain. You gave him an exasperated look before punching the demon across the face. “Seriously? Biting? What are we, five?”

You shook your head as you walked away from him, placing the needle back onto the table. You spared Crowley another bitch-face as you walked out of the church, slamming the door behind you. You walked to the trunk of the Impala and grabbed bandages to wrap up your arm. As you secured the bandages, your arms began to glow again, and you fell to the rubble on your knees.

“Stop it,” you groaned as the light grew brighter. “Please.”

Finally, the light faded again, leaving you struggling to get a grip on your breathing. With struggle, you turned your body to sit upright against the Impala, your head falling back, staring at the sky. The sun had begun to set in the distance, the sky painted with beautiful sparks of color.

“I can do this,” you whispered determined to yourself, “I can do this.”

—————————————————————————————————————

Another hour had passed by and you made your way back into the church, stuffing more bandages in your pocket before doing so. At the sound of the door opening and closing, you heard Crowley chuckle.

“How we doin’, Fatale? Ready for another round of injections?” he asked, a joyous tune to his voice. You ignored him and filled the syringe with another dose of your blood.

“Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes,” he began singing, you instantly recognizing the David Bowie song, “turn and face the strange. Ch-ch-changes, just gonna have to be a different man. Time may change me, but I can't trace—”

His singing was cut off by a loud sound, the church beginning to rumble. You quickly turned to face Crowley who seemed unfazed by the sudden shock to the church.

“What did you do?” you shouted at him over the sound of the quake. He remained stoic, but the hint of a devilish smirk rose to his face. The floorboards began to creak under your feet, a large crack running down until it severed the devil’s trap that you painted right down the center.

“Did you really think you could kidnap the King of Hell and no one was gonna notice, dumb nuts?”

An expression of fury and fear took over your features as the door to the church were ripped open, Abbadon revealing herself on the other side of the door.

“Now that’s what I call an entrance,” she gloated, patting herself on the back.

“Abbadon?” Crowley questioned. “They told me you were dead.”

“So not.”

“Where’s the rest of the cavalry?”

“It’s just little ol’ unkillable me,” she smirked. You turned quickly, reaching for your discarded gun, but with a wave of her hand, Abbadon sent you flying across the church and into the wall, your head slamming against the wood. You groaned as you landed on your stomach, your vision going blurry.

“Brilliant. Why send in a few grunts when you can send in a knight? Say your prayers, Fatale,” Crowley smirked. You tried to get up, but the Knight waved her hand again and sent you through the stained glass window to your right, immediately falling unconscious.

—————————————————————————————————————

When you came back to, it took you a minute to remember what had happened. You scrambled to your feet, hoping not a lot of time had passed in your impromptu siesta. Looking around for a weapon that you could use against Abbadon, your eyes settled on the jar of holy oil you had given to Sam. He must of left it for you, in cast of an emergency. You let out a silent thank you and patted your jacket pockets, striking gold when you felt your father’s lighter in your pocket.

You crept to the entrance of the church where the doors were still open and peered inside, eyes landing on Abbadon hovering over Crowley. You snuck inside, careful to step around any loose pieces of wood to prevent any unnecessary noises to alert your presence.

“Right now, you and I are going to talk about a regime change,” Abbadon said, crouching down to send another punch to Crowley’s face.

“You little whore,” he barked, “I am your king!”

She punched him again, this time hard enough to shut him up. When she went to stand back up, you ran forward and threw the holy oil over her body.

“Burn, bitch,” you spat, throwing the lighter on her. You watched with a smirk as her body lit up in flames and she screamed in pain as her vessel burned. Her mouth opened wide and she exited the body before any further harm was done to her, and she escaped the church in a flash of black smoke.

Without wasting any time, you made work of picking Crowley back up and fixing the chair so it was back in the devil’s trap. He groaned as he came back to consciousness, watching you with a glint of something… admiration, maybe? to his eyes.

“You did good back there, Fatale,” he congratulated you. “I'll deny it if you ever quote me, but I'm a proud man. I'm proud of you.”

You ignored his comment, instead focused on gabbing the can of spray paint you left on the table to fix the trap where it broke.

“Wait, what are you doing?” he asked.

“What does it look like?” you snapped, overly agitated at the events that had just transpired. You finished up the devil’s trap and threw the can to the side, it clattering to the ground noisily.

“Are you joking?” he asked, incredulously. “I just saved your life!”

“Seriously?” you dead-panned.

“Seriously? Me, seriously? We just shared a foxhole, you and I. We beat back the Tet Offensive, outrun the --the Rape of Nanking together! And still you're gonna do me like this?!”

You ignored his tangent and grabbed the needle, filling it up with your blood and jamming it into his neck before he could get another word in.

“Aah! Aah!” he exclaimed in pain, before a whole new emotion washed over him. “Band of Brothers? The Pacific?” he asked. “None of this means anything to you? All those motels, you never once watched HBO, not once?” You shook your head at him, confused at where he was going. “Girls? You're my Marnie, Fatale. A-and Hannah, she just—she needs to be loved. She deserves it. Don't we all—you, me; we deserve to be loved. I deserve to be loved!” he shouted, before lowering his voice back down to a whisper, “I just want to be loved.”

You cocked your head the the demon. “What?” you asked.

A confused look washed over him, and his expression mirrored yours. “What?”

As the moment of Crowley’s tangent passed, a wave of fatigue passed over you. The pain of where the needle was injecting into you suddenly took a toll on you. You walked back over to the table and placed it down, grabbing the spare bandages from your pocket. You wrapped where the puncture wounds were tightly, wishing right about now you had some extra strength tylenol. You took more blood from your opposite arm, wanted to be prepared for the next dose of injections just in case something else was going to happen.

“Would it be possible, Fatale, I’d like to ask you a favor,” Crowley spoke, his voice sounded drained and exhausted. “[Y/n], earlier you were confessing back there, and… well, I didn’t hear much, not really, so I’d like to know what you said.” You gave him a look that read ‘that’ll never happen.’ At the sight of your expression, he instantly clarified his statement. “ I only ask because, given my history...it raises the question... Where do I start...to even look for forgiveness? I mean…” he trailed off.

You paused, shocked at the revelation. The cure, it was working.

“You start with this.”

You held the needle out in your hand, showing him what you meant. Crowley tilts his head to the side, exposing his neck where the marks of the past injections were. You gently pushed the needle through at his submission, and unlike the past ones, he showed no signs of pain, but rather contentment.

“This is going to work, Crowley,” you reassured. “You’re going to be cured, and you’ll be redeemed. I promise.”

A gust of wind blasted through the church, and your arms began to glow again, but this time there was no pain. “We’re almost done,” you whispered, not sure Crowley even heard you. “It’s time.”

You took a deep breath and began the exorcism, the final piece to purify him. “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, hanc animam redintegra, lustra.”

As you pulled your knife from its holder, the light grew brighter, and you sliced across your palm. You walked closer to Crowley, and as you were about to feed him your blood, footsteps barreled through the church.

“[Y/n]! Stop!,” you turned at the noise, coming face to face with the worried looks of your brothers. You backed up from them, your hip bumping into the arm of Crowley’s chair, a confused expression on your face.

“Easy there,” Sam coaxed gently, putting his hands up. “Take a deep breath.”

“There’s been a slight change of plans,” Dean said, slightly more aggressive than Sam.

“What? What’s going on?” you asked. “Where’s Cas?”

“Metatron lied,” Sam explained. “Him and Naomi are going to confront him.”

You shook your head at him, still not understanding what was going on.

“You finish these trials, you’re dead,” Dean said bluntly, trying to get you to understand what was happening. You looked between your two brothers, then back at Crowley. You scoffed and shook your head, looking back to face them.

“So?” you said, your voice slightly breaking.

Sam and Dean’s faces melted from worry to an emotion you couldn’t place, but it was somewhere along the lines of hurt and betrayal. Betrayal. Even now, after you’ve confessed and sought forgiveness, you were still letting your brothers down in ways you couldn’t stop. It had to stop. Finishing these trials with your death, it’ll all stop.

“Look at him!” you exclaimed, pointing down to Crowley. “Look at him! Look at how close we are! Other people will die if I don't finish this! Who cares about me?”

You could feel the tears pricking at your eyes, but you ignored the sensation. Dean took a small step forward, his brow creasing. “Think about it. Think about what we know, huh? Pulling souls from hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a Hellhound! We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here. But we can't do it without you.”

“You can barely do it with me,” you fired back immediately. The confused look on his face egged you to continue. “I mean, you think I screw up everything I try. You think I need a chaperone, remember?” you couldn’t help the single tear that fell from your eyes as your voice cracked on the last word.

Sam frowned. “That’s not what he meant—”

“No, that’s exactly what he meant!” you exclaimed, cutting him off. You let out a humorless chuckle. “You want to know what I confessed in there?” you asked, pointing to the confession booth with the hand that you didn’t cut. “Do you want to know what my ultimate sin was? The thing that held me down the most?”

When neither of them answered, you continued. “My greatest sin was—is— how many times I’ve let the two of you down. I can’t keep doing it. Not again. Finishing this, it’ll end it all.”

“[Y/N]—” Sam tried, but you continued talking.

You held back a sob as the tears finally began falling. “You two don’t trust me anymore, I can see it in the way you look at me. Like I need one of you with me at all times. You haven’t trusted me in a long time, and it took me awhile to realize it, but now that I have I feel so fucking stupid for not seeing it before.” Another humorless laugh escaped your lips.

“I know I’ll never earn your trust back, there’s nothing else I can do to prove that I love you both more than anything. You don’t see it, and I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired of watching you guys turn to other people when you get sick of me.” At their confused expressions, you elaborated. “Who will it be next? Another demon? Another angel? Another vampire?” You shook your head.

“You have no idea what it feels like to see the two people you thought—”

“Hold on, hold on!” Dean cut you off, finally breaking you from your tangent.

“You seriously think that?” Sam questioned, taking a step forward to be back in-line with his brother. “Because none of it, none of it is true.”

“Listen, [Y/n],” Dean began, “I know we’ve had our disagreements, all of us, okay? Hell, I know I have said some really fucked up things to get you thinking the way you are but you need to understand… I killed Benny to save you. I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I'm begging you.”

Your shoulders slumped at his confession, and the tears fell faster from your eyes. You looked between Sam and Dean, then down at your bleeding hand, and in a split second you made your decision. You turned and brought your hand up to Crowley’s mouth, and instantaneously you felt him drinking your blood. The pounding in your ears resumed, and you barely heard Sam shouting words of protest behind you.

You pulled your hand away, and the light erupted throughout your entire body. “Kah-nuh-ahm-dahr,” you whispered. Crowley let out a gasp, his eyes flicking to his demonic red, then faded completely back to his human eye color.

“It worked,” you laughed, turning to face your brothers. They looked at you with wide eyes, not daring to move. You had no time to celebrate your victory of the trials, instead a large rumbling echoed throughout the church, and the ground began to crack again.

This time, underneath the cracks in the ground, a hellish light peeked through, eating away at the floorboards. A hole opened up underneath your feet and you jumped back far enough to the edge, opposite of your brothers as your watched with wide eyes as black smoke broke through all the windows of the church, glass shattering everywhere. The sound of hundreds, if not thousands, of demons screamed as they were forced back into hell against their will. The wind picked up harshly and you were thrown back from the portal to hell, losing the sight of Sam and Dean through the smoke.

When every last demon was through the portal, it closed up tightly, no signs of what had just happened anywhere. When the smoke cleared and the dust settled, you looked across to your brothers, a smile creeping up on your face.

“I did it,” you whispered, pinching yourself to make sure you weren’t dreaming.

Your heart hammered in your chest and you groaned at the pressure, stammering back an inch. Immediately, Sam and Dean were at your side as your legs began to give out, helping you to the ground. “I did it,” you repeated, your voice getting weaker, your eyelids becoming heavier.

“Yeah, [Y/N],” Sam sniffled, “you did it.” He gripped your hand tightly, squeezing it in his large one.

You smiled weakly up at him, using what little strength you had to squeeze his hand back. You looked to your other side to Dean, whose eyes were red-rimmed.

“I’m s-sorry,” you whispered at him, at the both of them.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Dean said, finally looking over your pale form.

“You have to… you have to promise me,” you croaked out, struggling to get out your final words. You coughed, doubling over as it overpowered you. Raising your free hand to your mouth, you coughed up blood into it. “No bringing me back,” you finally said. “I’m at peace.”

“You can’t ask us to do that,” Sam said. You turned to look back at him, smiling sadly at him. You grabbed Dean’s hand with your free hand, feeling your last breaths creep up on you. You could have sworn you’d seen a person standing over Sam’s shoulder, but they had disappeared before your vision could focus.

“I love you both, so much,” you whispered, you eyes falling shut. Your grip on your brothers’ hands loosened, and your chest stopped rising and falling. Your head lulled to the side, your body completely still.

You stood over your two brothers, holding your body in their arms as they wept for you. A cold hand rested on your shoulder, and you turned around with a gasp.

“Tessa,” you said, staring at the reaper.

“[Y/N],” she greeted, a welcoming smile on her face. “It’s time.”

You nodded your head and she stuck out her hand. You spared one last look at your baby brothers, and grabbed her hand in yours, your soul leaving Earth to face judgement. You did not know where you were going to end up, if your final quest was good enough to outweigh all the shit you’ve done in your life.

You knew that Sam and Dean would be okay. They always were without you.

[mykniverse]

17

TW// self harm, beatings, suicide, death

i remember storming home first, leaving family members behind. my thighs were pinched with thongs and i was dragged and locked out of the house in the cold. i was given a jug of water, some fruits and my schoolbag.

when sh did the same, he was lectured and was told not to do it again. 

i remember accidentally lashing out and i was forced to eat cili padi at 10 pm. 

when sh and iq did it, they were only shouted at.

i remember the day you found my goodbye card for my guy friend in primary school. i was scolded and shouted at and also beaten up.

when sh and iq exchanged love letters with girls, nothing was said or done.

i remember asking if i could go out with my friend at 9. i wasnt allowed to because i failed my exams.

sh and iq are able to go out even when their results are bad.

i remember wanting to go to a level camp so bad i wrote a note, begging to be allowed to go. but i got scolded for writing the note and i wasnt allowed to go. i wasnt allowed to go to camps till i was 13.

sh was able to go to camps between ages 11 and 12 with no problems.

i remember being told that if i failed PSLE i will be married off to a random guy. i was told to aim for 200. i scored 199. i didnt get to hear any “good job” or “you did well” as we had to rush to KL as someone passed on. in fact i didnt get to hear anything even after the trip. 

i remember sunday practices. waking up to reciting the timetable at the door no matter who was passing by. no breakfast till youre satisfied. and on weekdays after school, i’d have to recite them on a stool in front of the window where the sun was merciless. i remember when i collapsed due to the heat. i was in pain when i regained consciousness. i was asked to eat but while i was getting food i was slapped. i was laughed at by sh and iq.

i joined netball at 8. i was forced to quit at 9 because i didnt do well for my exams. i wasnt in any ccas till i was 13. but i couldnt choose what i wanted. i was forced to join a uniformed group. 

sh joined a dance cca and it was approved. iq joined badminton but quit. then he joined malay dance. both times it was approved. he was in the prefect team too. you kept giving him chances after chances even though he keeps failing. why couldnt i get the same amount of chances?

it was sh’s turn to take PSLE. when i texted about his results (i was out), you told me he did better than me. i was shocked as to how he could get 200 and above. he dropped out of the normal stream to foundation. he only scored 130. you were so proud of him. he went into a technical school and you supported him so much. i couldnt even choose which school i wanted to go to. “choose a school where you dont have to spend 5 years studying” but the first choice that you put would have led me to spend 5 years in secondary school. in the end i got the last choice that you put.

i remember you finding out that i was talking to a guy when i was 10. we were just talking. you found out and beat me up. i couldnt walk properly for the rest of the day. 

sh and iq are saying upfront that they have girlfriends but nothing is happening to them.

i got my first tiny phone that barely works at 13. i got my first actual, second hand phone at 14. and an actual phone that wasnt passed down at 15

they got their first brand new phones at 8 and 12 respectively.

i remember entering a new school with an old bag that sags while they continued being in the same school with new bags.

i remember you asking me to choose a new bag and i asked about them. you said they wont be getting the same. i felt special. till you asked them to get new bags too.

you gave me an anello bag for school once. i felt special again because i was the only one who had it. but a week later they have it too.

i remember only going out with my friends at 15. but my curfew was before dusk. 

iq went out at 9. sh went out at 13.  you gave sh a curfew. he came home hours later and didnt even get scolded. i brought it up and you acknowledged it but nothing happened.

i remember going home late after school. im a teen am i not supposed to have fun with my friends? but you brought it up to one of the upper ups in school. i was put on probation for months. it was embarrassing. teachers thought that i committed a crime. an innocent me is getting probation? why? because i go home late. i cant say that i have things after school at the last minute because you say its ridiculous and bullshit.

sh goes home late. you caught him at the playground, mall, void decks. you scold him. and he does it again. but nothing major happens. iq calls or texts you that he is staying in school and you allow him to. 

i remember self harming between ages 12 to 15. i was asked to go counselling. now i realised that the counselling was nothing. it didnt help at all. they put the blame on me. when you found out about this, i remember you scolding me. “what is there to be depressed about? youre only 14. all you have to do is study” i was scolded so much for being depressed and for self harming. you had to go for some parents counselling thingy too. i remember that one time i hit an all time low and self harmed again. sh snitched on me and told you about my scars. you got so mad when you saw the scars. i remember what you said to me. “why dont you do it deeper? end the burden once and for all. it’s so burdening and tiring to go to counselling after work?” i remember crying non stop. till we meet him. i was crying in the train. sh and iq was pointing at me and laughing. what you didnt know was that i was typing my suicide notes. i planned my suicide. when we met him, you told him and he glared at me so hard. i was given the silent treatment for so long. when you asked me why, i lied and say that im hated by people. how do i tell the cause of my depression that they are the cause of my depression?

i remember when i stopped self harming and counselling sessions are done. you got new piercings and i asked you if it hurts. you would always retaliate by saying that me self harming hurts more than getting pierced. you consistently did this while i was trying to heal. i remember when jonghyun passed on. i broke down a lot. i cried a lot. i revealed my vulnerable side. but i was mocked. “when a celebrity dies, she’s crying her eyes out. i wonder if she would even cry when her mom passes away.” i literally had to excuse myself so i dont break down in front of you.

i remember that you talked to me before i went on to pursue my tertiary education. you said you were disappointed in me. you said you didnt understand why i was content with my shitty results. i was content because the entire of 2018 was peak depression period. i could barely study because it was so overwhelming. the fact that i managed to even go somewhere was huge to me. i knew i disappointed you a lot because i was the only one who managed to maintain the standard and express stream. you didnt expect me to be where i am now. i put some money from my salary to pay my school fees and uniform for the first term. i already disappointed you so i didnt want to burden you. but you took it the wrong way. you thought i was trying to overthrow your responsibilities as a parent. you said that i was excited to grow up and get rid of you from my life. i remember being so shocked. yes i want to grow up so i leave this household but i have never once thought of getting rid of you.  

i remember and i know that you are very against what im doing now and what i want to do in the future. but im 17 now. im turning 18 soon. how long more are you gonna make my decisions for me? why cant i choose what i want to be? 

why do you assume that my depression is gone just because i dont have to go for counselling? why do you still joke about me self harming? why do you blame whatever sh and iq do on me? “monkey see, monkey do” what did i do? im still harming myself in a way. i picked up smoking at 13. and i started drinking recently. i have no idea where im gonna end up. a successful writer? at the void deck passed out? on the road surrounded by my own blood? i really dont know where i’ll end up. i dont know how long more i can take your hostile words. i hear that im useless every day. i hear that im hopeless every day. you always say that you dont understand us. why dont you try? why dont you try to put down your ego for a bit and try to understand us? try to understand me. try to talk to me. dont you notice that i never talk about how im doing? all i say is that im tired. and you scold me. “if youre tired then dont go to school” you dont even know when i get sick unless its the holidays. we stay under the same roof yet you dont know me at all. and you didnt raise me. for almost 10 years of my life, i was raised by my grandparents. please for once. stop talking and listen. understand. comfort instead of scolding. please. im losing my mind.

[negasonicimagines]

Gladdest (Soulmate AU)

For this, I’ll be using the soulmate AU where what happens to your soulmate’s body happens to you. I’m not sure who originally came up with this. Basically, how it works, is like, if your soulmate gets punched in the face, you feel like you’ve been punched in the face. If your soulmate dies, you don’t die, but you feel it. Same with broken bones, you’ll feel it, but your arm won’t actually be broken. But not just pain, other stuff. Like if your soulmate cries, you’ll feel it, but you don’t cry unless they’re super heartbroken, or if they get a really good hug you feel it, too. In my version of this AU, the pain and other feeling doesn’t start until you turn sixteen. Imagine how fucked up it would be if that wasn’t the case and you had a partner older than you? Like, while 13-year old Bill gets in a fight, his soulmate, who is only 3, feels the same punches and kicks. It’d be so fucked up.

warnings: nsfw (but no actual sex, just a lot of talking about it [and masturbation] and some sexually tense scenes), the reader nearly has a panic attack (again, i know, sorry. what can I say? I project), & reader has a thing for.... erotic asphyxiation. let me know if i missed anything.

I am very open to writing a part two with smut... I just chickened out with this because I felt it wouldn’t be good writing.

You’d been sixteen for a little while now, and there hadn’t been much contact from your soulmate aside from the occasional feel of a phone falling on your face and smacking it.

It’s the beginning of a new school year at Xavier’s, and you’re pretty thrilled. Your roommate this year is your best friend, Ellie. Okay, not just your best friend, she’s your crush, too. Do I really have to say, at this point?

“Hey,” she greets you, sounding rather sullen as she enters your dorm, where you sit on the edge of your bed.

“What’s up?” you ask.

“I turned sixteen over the summer and I haven’t felt anything to give me a hint. All my soulmate does is cry.”

“All my soulmate does is drop their phone on their face,” you offer a complaint in return, and the two of you lock eyes for a moment, one of realization.

“No,” Ellie says. “No.” She’s bright red, immediately thinking of just how many hot summer nights she was kept up, orgasm after orgasm after orgasm, gasping for breath at the way her soulmate’s fingers curled just right, just fucking right. There’s no way you, her crush and her best friend, were that good.

“No, can’t be,” you agree.

“Could be,” she reminds you.

“It’d make sense,” you admit.

“I hate everyone else but you.”

“We could try to find out,” you suggest.

She pinches herself.

“Ow! Not like that!” You whine, clutching at your arm. “Oh, well, I guess it’s too late th-” Ellie cuts you off with her eyes alone.

“Where does all that energy come from, Y/N?! What are you, the Energizer bunny?! At least three times a night, every night! What the hell?!”

You blush deeply, scratching the back of your neck. You hadn’t exactly expected you’d meet your soulmate anytime soon, or that they’d be bold enough to comment on your habits.

“I dunno, I thought it was normal for kids our age…” you mumble.

“Oh, yeah, well some people like sleeping and not screaming into the pillow because their soulmate has a little too much fun doing the five finger shuffle!”

“Please, louder. I think a few people in Antarctica didn’t hear you,” you retort, looking up at her from where you were sitting with a challenging expression.

“We’ve been friends for all this time and I never knew what a horny bastard you are,” she remarks.

“Well, I’m not the one who was ‘screaming’ in pleasure,” you mutter.

“I heard that!” she says, her expression still adorably indignant.

“If you hated it so much, you should’ve just got those over the counter meds, Antifel or whatever.”

“I- I…” She sighs. “Yeah, I didn’t hate it that much,” she admits, and you smile a bit. “But I wasn’t a fan of the choking,” she adds, gesturing at your scarf, your favorite one that she never would’ve guessed hides the bruises from where you’ve choked yourself with a belt, at least not before. “I’m more of a choker than a ‘chokee’, but, I guess that’d be obvious, wouldn’t it? Considering we’re soulmates and all.”

You nod, your eyes now on your lap, the floor, her tee shirt, the lamp in the corner, anything that isn’t her eyes, and she smirks.

“Oh, so now you’re shy?”

“A little,” you quietly reply, and she sits next to you on your bed.

“Let’s cool down,” she offers. “We’ve just seen each other after months of purely texting and the occasional phone call.”

“Thanks,” you respond, finding it easier to breathe.

“Why were you crying so much?” Ellie asks, addressing her original observation.

“Just depressed and lonely and stuff. I don’t have friends in my hometown, not like you.”

“You’ll always have me,” she says. “I mean it.”

“I’d hope so, soulmate,” you laugh off the seriousness of the conversation, and she sighs, looking to your eyes with her own soulful ones.

“I’m glad it’s you,” she tells you.  “I don’t think I’d be able to stand anyone else.”

“Yeah, right!” you huff out a laugh, confused at her sudden emotional openness. Sure, she was more honest about her feelings with you than anyone else, but that didn’t mean that she was a completely open book. Who was?

“You’re not disappointed, are you?” Ellie wonders because of your remark.

“God, no! I- I actually have a really big crush on you,” you admit.

“Yeah?” she asks, the cutest little grin on her face, you know the one. “I have a crush on you, too.”

You blush again.

“Sorry… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I’m not very good at flirting or anything like that. I don’t really care about much of anyone at all, and you’re definitely the only person I’ve really cared about in a romantic way, so…”

“No, it’s not that! I- You- You being really good at flirting is what’s got me like this. And the fact that I’m a dork who’s really bad at flirting contributes,” you explain.

“I am? Good at flirting, I mean.”

“Well, with me, at least,” you tell her.

“Um… Sorry if it’s lame to ask, but… Can I kiss you?”

“Of course! And it’s not lame to ask at all, El, I appreciate it actua- Mmf!”

You could live forever in the feeling of her lips on yours, her hands oh-so carefully holding your cheeks.

“Sorry,” she shyly says, as she slowly pulls away from you, looking in your eyes. “I’ve just been wanting to do that for a really, really long time. Pretty much since we met, actually.”

“R-really?” you ask, a bit breathless and definitely still flustered.

“Yeah, you’re perfect. In, like, every way. It’s the worst and the best.”

“I’m perfect?! But you’re- You’re you!” you argue, and she shakes her head, rolling her eyes. “I’m so lucky.”

“No, I’m the lucky one,” she disagrees.

“We can both be lucky,” you tell her, and she sighs.

“I suppose that’s a good compromise,” she decides. “So, what should we do before dinner? We’ve got a couple hours to kill, but I don’t think either of us has much more to say that wouldn’t be repetitive or… Something.” She blushes again, cheeks bright pink.

You blush back, reminded that she knew all about you and the things you did to yourself behind doors. “R-right,” you reply. Hey, you may be a horny motherfucker, but that doesn’t make you any less of a bottom.

“Can I see?” she asks, touching at your scarf. You nod, and she unwraps the scarf. She carefully touches the spotted bruises with her fingers. “With the belt you’re wearing?”

You can’t even speak. You nod, and the ghost of a smile graces her face before she just barely presses her lips to the bruises closest to her, on the side of your neck. Your hand quickly grabs her bicep tightly, and she stops, looking to you with concern.

“I’m so sorry, I got a bit carried aw-”

“No, no, it’s good, I’m just… Sensitive there,” you admit, and one of the biggest smiles you’ve seen her wear is on her lips.

“Yeah?” she asks, taking her crossbody bag off of her shoulder and opening it. She takes out a bottle of Antifel pills. “How sensitive?”

“Oh God, um… I- Um…” Your nerves are really getting to you, and your breathing gets heavier as you stare at the bottle. This is really happening. It’s really happening. You’d always wanted to, especially with her, but now that it’s a reality, you feel on the brink.

Ellie can recognize that look in your eyes, and it’s a look she’d hoped she’d never be the cause of.

“Shit, Y/N. What’s going on? Talk to me.”

“I- Um, I just- I want to? But I- I just- I don’t know, it’s just getting really hard to breathe, and uh, not in a hot way,” you joke nervously.

“Hey, you can want to and not be ready to right this minute. We haven’t even been on a date yet, okay? I’m really sorry if I made you feel like you had to do anything you didn’t want to,” Ellie tells you, and she feels immensely guilty either way.

“No! I liked you kissing me, especially where you did, but, you’re right. We should probably adjust to the news and put a label on whatever this is before we do anything too serious.”

Ellie nods. “You always were the more logical one. I’ll put these in the medicine cabinet and we can just… Talk about stuff, like we always do.”

“But with more kissing and cuddling, I hope?” you request, and she nods, going to put the bottle away before returning to find you bundled up in her comforter. “It’s so cozy…” you practically sing, at least to her.

“This is a dream,” she sighs happily, slipping off her shoes and joining you in her bed. You spoon her side, and she hums in content, stroking your hair.

“You’re in a good mood,” you comment. Ellie is not a very cheerful person, at least not openly. So, to see her like this was surprising.

“Yeah, of course I am. It’s you. It’s really you. I’ve never been happier in my life,” she says, having really been hit with the fact that you’re her soulmate. All hers. “All mine…” she hums.

“You really know how to make a girl feel special… I mean it. I’m really not all that.”

“Please be my girlfriend,” she requests.

“Only if you’ll be mine,” you reply, and she scoffs.

“I think that’s how that works, babe.”

Your heart skips a beat and you stare at her in wonder.

“Sorry for not asking if pet names were okay…It’s just something I like, it’s really stupid.”

“No, I really like it, hence the dumb stare and the lack of breathing.”

She chuckles, holding you tighter. You smile with her, glad that she’s happy.

“I hope you don’t feel like you have to over-exaggerate how happy you are. It’s okay if you’re not ridiculously happy about finding your soulmate.”

“Oh, no, I’m as happy as I sound. I’m, uh, definitely a textbook case of Lesbian That’s A Grumpy Bitch Til She Gets A Girlfriend. But then again, I’ll probably just be a significantly less grumpy bitch to everyone but you, sorry.”

“I don’t mind, I like you being your bitchy self,” you reply, being rewarded with a kiss placed atop your head that sends tingles dancing down your body. “Mm… I like that.”

“Good,” Ellie responds. “I’m glad.”

“I’m gladder,” you tease.

“I’m gladdest...”