midnightmisadventures

[midnightmisadventures]

Sounds live feels live 🥺💔

SLFL Cincinnati

[midnightmisadventures]

In case you missed me

[midnightmisadventures]

Will you be my Valentine Midnight Missy 🥺💝

[midnightmisadventures]

Beautiful and blessed stressed out career woman has to dress up and go to her famous celebrity client's event in Manhattan on Valentine's Day for her social media job in the music industry and handle the guest list, get professionally photographed then stay at a luxury city view hotel 😩😩😭 wahhh

God her life is hard

And she is so stressed about it

[midnightmisadventures]

[midnightmisadventures]

[midnightmisadventures]

[midnightmisadventures]

Maren Vestik Hole

[midnightmisadventures]

Irving Boots 🥾

Dylan Girl 💁‍♀️

Helly Real

&

Mark Severance

[midnightmisadventures]

the anxiety I have is.....unfucking fair

It's just off the charts

[midnightmisadventures]

@people4bernie:Our attention is labor that produces wealth we will never see the benefit of

[midnightmisadventures]

[midnightmisadventures]

Ditto :(

Just putting this here for archival purposes for when I'm looking back wondering what was going on in this stretch

....THIS IS REALLY HARD

Idk I just want it know that this stretch of time feels like...the hardest ever as far as needing like strength, resilience, and a genuine motivation to want to keep getting better and changes and improvements

Like I'm so blessed ofc

But work is so hard and stressful and CONSISTENTLY makes me confront my biggest fears and also accept my biggest flaws. My biggest struggles are.....to be human and let other people see me struggle for one

So being vulnerable and transparent. Gentle parenting myself bc I want to commit su*c*de every time I make a minor mistake

Which is always. Because I'm a baby in this industry and I'm learning how to have a career?? Like I don't get why I'm so hard on myself when im.doing this for the first time but anyway

Generally, this is the most anxious/depressed/ and adhd since high-school and even then daily tasks were overwhelming. And I just had homework

Now with the addys I'm experimenting with all of my medicine at once and I feel like my body is this guinea pig and I'm overwhelmed bc the people who want to see me get better want a constant assessment. (Or I at least feel pressure that they do) And I don't even know what feelings are mine and not? What's normal, what's not. I don't know what things are supposed to feel like

How many pills are too many pills to take?? I'm getting an ulcer. If you're wondering why I feel so alone and confused about medicines it's because my psychiatrist is an IDIOT!! Like does not care if I'm dead or alive and I'm not kidding that man doesn't bother to remember my name.

Oh yea I have an eating disorder again!! That's been fun. Imagine being the most insecure I've ever been about my weight but I can't eat? And the pressure of having so many pills to take and your body not letting you eat is so hard

But shh don't tell anyone I'm struggling with food cause I've been begging to get on a medicine that's an appetite suppressant

(In my defense it was prescribed to me knowing my problems with food) (but also my psychiatrist is an idiot)

Hmmm let's see oh yea my abscess is back!? So much pain on my chest and I can't take off commuting 4 hours to work and back because I already did that this week to deal with my mental breakdown ✨️💅

So.....it's been hard there's a lot. Lots and lots of crying and self numbing.

But this wasn't to complain. I just want to note that yes the blog is empty but I'm proud of myself for literally just getting up everyday and trying to makes thing better. And trying and trying and trying. When sometimes I feel like giving up (and going to the psychward)

And it's been really hard to hate myself for feeling like a basket case who can't live like an adult.....

See everything's flipped 😏

[midnightmisadventures]

I screamed FIX THIS!!!

When I saw this again but fuck that's the point I can't fix everything I'm not perfect

But I do need help with perfectionism

I think I'm a perfectionist at heart

And a small piece of my brain learned I was very far from from perfect

And decided it would never really like me

[midnightmisadventures]

I want you, I need you, I miss you…

[midnightmisadventures]

Ngl these make me look silly but idk

*yawns* 🥱 Um showtime? Or whatever they say

....I'm serious they're telling me to shave 👉👈

[midnightmisadventures]

I'm asking this again

You'd see the blog right now and assume I'm really unwell omg

You'd be right