midnightmisadventures

[midnightmisadventures]

The little things I used to be hurt by feel so silly now too

Like do you remember that day Liam came in emotionally distraught but he would only talk to nff about it and bff bragged and bragged and bragged about the way he looked at her when they left to go talk

I was so jealous I was seething. It hurt so bad to not be the one he chose in those moments to open himself up to

But putting in perspective that I'm the one who got the closest!?! Out of anyone in the romantic group

It seems so silly to feel hurt and jealous over

[midnightmisadventures]

This is torture

Merry Xmas

[midnightmisadventures]

What do i do do you think he saw it?

[midnightmisadventures]

[Chorus]

Call me Miss Crybaby

Call me Miss Crybaby

It's not my fault (It's not my fault)

If it's Murphy's law (If it's Murphy's law

[midnightmisadventures]

It was never that he wasn't ready for me

I wasn't ready for him

The first guy I've ever felt love from I assumed was fake on some level

Which....was his fear and ironically something I tried to shield him from

I use to cry thinking about how people in Liams life made him feel like he was only a sex object who's identity was only recognized as "how good he can put it down"

And I KNEW that he wanted more than that and he hated being known as just that, and I still let my insecurities convince me ..... that if he didn't want that from me it meant I was worthless

[midnightmisadventures]

Just potentially ruined my christmas 🤪

Just kidding 🤪

Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight

[midnightmisadventures]

But now i think its worse that i just look so STUPID

[midnightmisadventures]

yea i just uh- i couldnt fathom why he wouldnt wanna have sex with me??? on 2/2/22

like thats all it comes down to. i just assumed i was the ugly unnattractive unfuckable loser i always had been

[midnightmisadventures]

VORWIBIREFNDVKL'Ds. fuckk

FUCK

[midnightmisadventures]

I didnt even know i was in the race....

Not to dig a knife in the wound but doesnt it feel awful to think about how he came in the car post karmic era and he had a hot haircut but was acting nervous and insecure around me with it...

and my dumbass thought "uh whAt shE diDnT hYpE yOu Up??? how r u stil insecure"

Back when i thought the race to Liams heart was just...whoever he dated next....or in this case, hooked up with next, would realize how special and perfect he was and would hook his claws and never let go

CRAZY!! to think he couldve been thinking the same about me, which is why he reacted that way to DPdough or whoever the fuck

It was a race and he wanted to beat me to it. I don't blame him for winning anymore.

just insane to be that the first guy to see me was the first guy to act possessive

[midnightmisadventures]

This started because of the two fingers to the touch tank, sex talk stuff but now this is alll.....this feels worse

[midnightmisadventures]

i feel naseous

[midnightmisadventures]

Can you imagine...

How frustrating for him that mustve been....holy shit. I tell him im in love with him and then i go .... in person ghost. I never hang out with him, i avoid him, i dont text him anymore

and i just look like the biggest immature idiot. But i wasnt doing that stuff to be spiteful!! He'd probably never believe me bc it looks so much that way. But i genuinely thought he was "freaked out" as he told me.....he wasnt.......(fuck im the worst). And i wanted to respect his boundaries and mine, i thought i was ....being so headass and in love with him and he was ....laughing at me for it. It sounds so stupid. I wanna cry.

He specifically said he didnt want to change things and i changed them and.....his worst fear was losing me and he lost me .... and i wouldnt even have a conversation

ofc he crashed out? i literally dangled his worst fear over his face and he thought it was out of spite so he went HOME.

He may not have even been overwhelmed about life at the time, he couldve been saying the signs and stuff.....that he was seeing them too and that they were overwhelming

FUCK should i text garrison right now wtf is going on???

[midnightmisadventures]

stupid stupid STUPID

uhhh yea maybe the guy you call the love of your life and the most interesting and intelligent man youve ever met isnt STUPID

and when he was asking "how do witches know theyre witches from an early age" he was giving you the ally OOP to explain wtf was in your cryptic ass i love you message.

His was just as vague as mine. And that was on purpose?? he gave me a window to explain what i meant by "putting things together" and "goes way deeper than you know" ??? wtf thats so eerie

fun fact, i actually DID envision sitting gary down and explaining the Babe stuff from start to finish. And i knew my message left more to be desired.

I always always always respected how privately and delicately he handled my most vulnerable words and moments. He never exposed me to ally when im sure he realized she didnt know....

but he easily....couldve been waiting for me to initiate a conversation after i very mysteriously confessed my feelings. And instead i-

fucking pulled my energy back and secluded myself away from him like a hermit. I ran, i ran before he did. And i feel so awful for never seeing it this way. Everything always goes to show my naivate at the time and thats never been lost on me, but this feels. well i feel pretty dumb.

[midnightmisadventures]

In fact really I'm realizing I think in the message that....he genuinely didn't say either or

Taking it just one way would have been wrong no matter what

And I always laugh and complain about how he was cuddled on my couch the next day after he rejected me

But he DIDNT REJECT ME?? So he was probably ready to have a conversation!?!

Why didn't I consider that the ambiguity of his message meant that he'd want to talk about?? In person..... like we saw eachother in person 24/7 WHY DIDNT I THINK HIM BEING THERE WHEN I GOT HOME FROM CLASS WAS AN INVITATION TO TALK

I'm so fuxking dumb it's painful. I'm so sorry maxwell I was awful. Genuinely didn't even feel good enough to think he liked me a little bit.

stupid stupid stupid

[midnightmisadventures]

It's 3:12am and I may have just realized Liam loved me too on 2/2/22

[midnightmisadventures]

What a day loveeessss

okay most of that was on private so if you don't know, swipe up to see me flesh out the download to end all downloads, and which may have even happened on the anniversary of the day liam and i met