#this was very fun to make i hope it's fun to read too :))

[prettyboykatsuki]

mixed messages | r. sukuna

✮  tags ; gn + afab!reader, unhealthy relationships, not cheating but reader flirts with gojo while tipsy for fun, undefined relationships, fingering / making out, jealousy, modern!sukuna, sukuna and yuuji r brothers 18+

✮ wc ; 2k

✮  a/n ; a snippet / extension of my modern sukuna post for @arguablyferal. i hope it gives a clear-ish idea of what he's like!!

some more like. relationship explanation in an authors note at the end.

✮  synopsis ; you've never been able to get a good read on him. would he really come to a party just to keep you from flirting with another guy ?

somehow you doubt it.

He's hitting on you.

Gojo is, you think. Though you can't be sure since it feels...a little conceited to believe that a guy like that suddenly developed a genuine interest in you. You can think of a couple reasons he would hit on you, all of them to do with getting on Sukuna's last nerve in their never-ending rivalry.

But it's weird because it doesn't really feel like he's just messing around. As in, it doesn't seem like it's just for that reason.

You know Gojo. Not as close as Shoko or Getou might but enough to comfortably call yourself a distant friend. A little more than acquaintance but less then close.

He's facetious—melodramatic, really—totally by design. By necessity, some of it is an act, but you're good enough at reading him to know what's playful and what's not.

That's why you think that Gojo is really hitting on you. He's using the fact Sukuna, your...whatever, isn't here attending with you. He was supposed to be here but he flaked last minuted on coming with you. You ended up taking Yuuji and his friends though, anyhow.

You're letting him do it. He's serious about hitting on you, and he probably knows you're not very serious about returning his feelings.

But you're entertaining it, despite yourself.

Everyone you know is looking the other way while it happens too. Gojo is leaned close, sitting next to you in a plastic chair, and you're just a little bit buzzed. Humid summer air warms your skin, makes you want to sink into the night.

You're not touching, but you're too close for not-quite-friends. Gojo edges on touchy. A soft nudge here and there, the kind of proximity you shouldn't have. Gojo is a breath away, sober because he doesn't like alcohol.

And he's super friendly, which is nice.

A beat of silence settles between you as the night rolls in a little heavier.

Gojo says you what you assume he's been thinking about all night, without any real introduction.

"You should break up with him," He says, just over a can of soda with a kind of sincerity that makes you restless. You feel your nerves flip.

Your mouth moves before your mind has a chance to fill in the answer. You laugh. "I know."

"You're really too good for him, tsk," Gojo laments, clicking his teeth. Playful again, using just enough drawback so that you don't suffocate in the honesty. You shouldn't entertain this but the attention is nice. "And gosh, you're so much more fun without that dark cloud hanging around you, y'know"

You giggle unconsciously at the thought of Sukuna as a dark cloud. Big and broad with a deep voice—it's an astute comparison. Shaking your head, you give him a playful glance. "Am I really more fun? I feel like I'm not as good a conversationalist as a certain someone,"

Gojo smiles at you proudly. "I'm having fun at least."

You close your eyes and take another, much longer drink. "Yeah, me too."

"If you know you can do better, why bother with him? I figure that bastard might be holding you hostage but," He's serious again, brows raised. "You've got more options, you know?"

You shrug, absently. You don't know the answer yourself. It's one thing that Sukuna never quite lets you leave but it's another thing you come back to him every time. You settle on your reply with closed eyes then laugh a little too loud. Gojo doesn't startle.

"Who knows? But you know, thank you anyway. It's good to have options. Maybe it'll knock some sense into me,"

Friendly again. He's a nice guy you think.

"If it doesn't, make sure to give me a call. I'm pretty great too, y'know."

You give him a lighthearted smile.

It's hard to hear much over the loud thump of music. You're not very in touch with your surroundings and the pleasant air around you all but swallows you.

It takes you a minute. Longer than you care to admit, to realize that someone is approaching you. Even longer to realize who.

Sukuna is looming over you and Gojo when you finally look up.

"Having fun?"

You blink, pulling away to make sure you're hearing correctly. Sinking back into your chair, your eyes flicker up to whats casting shadow overhead. His voice almost bellows, deep and coarse but not loud.

"I thought you weren't coming," Is all you can think to say. Sukuna rolls his eyes.

"Yeah. I thought so too,"

He doesn't ask you to get up as much as he tugs you towards him. He's careful not to pull too hard but you come up still on a stumble, drink still in hand, and face in his chest. Your heart thumps, embarrassed by the sudden warmth. His hand sits on your lower back and suddenly there's a conversation happening overhead.

"Quit sticking your nose where it doesn't belong," He spits. He's talking to Gojo you realize.

"Be careful there, nii-san. You're gonna make it seem like you care."

Sukuna tenses under you before he relaxes again - rolling his eyes. He's not happy about it but you can hear that he's trying not to let it show.

"Stay out of it." Sukuna demands. Gojo whistles.

"Sure, sure. You two have fun there."

Sukuna turns you around like that, your face still in his chest as he drags you away. You hear Gojo laugh faintly as you walk further away from the crowd.

__

You don't really get any explanation from Sukuna as he packs you and himself in the backseat of his car.

He's quiet the entire walk there, and the air is so heavy your lungs can't find a breath around it. He doesn't say anything to you even as he opens the back door. He tells you to get in but doesn't show any emotion you discern.

Instead you end up laying in the backseat with Sukuna over you - cramped as his tongue slips all the way into your mouth and his hands grab your waist. All too sudden, without any ceremony at all.

You kiss back because he's being so suffocating and it's all you can think to do to appease him. As soon as he lets you breathe, you put a hand on his chest and push him away.

You make eye contact but he still hasn't said a word. "Are you mad?"

He sneers. "You tell me,"

He ducks down again to kiss you and you let him this time, doing your best to gauge what exactly he's thinking. You know he's upset, rather - but it's weird. Something is different about it.

His mouth is hot as he hands slide underneath your shirt further- his knees keeping your legs apart as his thigh presses against your clothed sex. You shiver, moaning into his mouth and Sukuna swallows the noise. Gasping, you pull back again.

"All you do is piss me off you brat," He tugs your lip back between his incisors as he speaks, voice bordering on a snarl. "You should know better than to cozy up to that idiot."

You squirm. "I wasn't cozying—"

"You think I'm fucking stupid? Think I don't got eyes to see with?" And then, like he's predicting your next question. "Yuuji texted me."

"And you came?" You stop, keeping him from going any further. "You came 'cause Yuu-chan sent you a picture of me and Gojo-kun....?"

He ignores your question. "Take your pants off,"

You make a face at him but oblige, hands unbuttoning your jeans as Sukuna practically tugs you out of them and your panties in one go. He sits back up on his legs and maneuvers carefully to keep his hands between your thighs. His middle finger runs through your slit, palm putting pressure on your clit.

He's rushing more than normal, mouth crushing yours again in a kiss so heavy it makes you gasp. You feel like you're imagining it but each time you pull back - his teeth sink into your lips until they're throbbing from how hard he's bitten them up.

He's possessive. Always has been. He's territorial over you in one way or another over everything, but it's usually only when you threaten to leave. There's a merit to what Gojo said about keeping you held down. But even in that, there's never any emotion stronger than annoyance to follow your little tantrums. You wouldn't call what you feel now desperation by any stretch.

But it's something more then simple possession and it makes you ache.

"I wasn't gonna do anything with him." You say half-way between a breath. You see his jaw tick with irritation at the mere thought. "It was just for fun—"

He quiets you with his fingers. With his hands, rough - spitting hard on your clit from where above making it splatter against your thighs. His fingers fingers the thick layer of spit and drag them down against your throbbing clit to make it wetter. He touches you hard and fast, places kisses against your jaw and collar before sinking his teeth into the clothed shape of your tits.

His fingers find your pussy not long after. Thick, scarred, intrusive - he slips them in one at a time. As much as he knows you can take until he touches that spot inside of you that leaves your whole body tingling. Knuckle deep, he presses his palms up against your clit to make sure you have the right friction. You moan his name loud, eyes rolling up into your head,

The windows are starting to fog.

"Sukuna,"

He grabs hold of your face with free hand, bordering on a snarl. It's mean you think, but more then that there's a genuine frustration to it that makes you shiver almost shamefully.

"You're mine." He sneers. You feel your cunt twitch unhelpfully at but Sukuna doesn't budge. Doesn't even go to make fun of you He just keeps growling, leaning in to kiss you - forcing his tongue into your mouth and pulling away again. "Get close with that bastard and I'll kill him."

Your stomach flutters in arousal at the aggression in it. The unreasonable, unhelpful, trained part of your brain nearly screams. He wants you, he wants you, he wants. It makes you wanna—

"G-gonna—gonna cum, fuck, Sukuna."

He kisses you again, murmuring against your lips. "Cum,"

Your thighs clamp around Sukuna's wrists as he continues to finger you, grinding yourself the edge of his palm as you ride out your high. Your voice pitches into a high whine, spine arching. It's rushed but intense, scratching the itch but not enough to tamp down the heat completely. You squirt around his fingers in a full blown gasp and find you can barely get your head above water.

You cum hard, convulsing. He doesn't move his hand until you grab him by the wrist and shake your head. Surprisingly, he listens easily and pulls away.

You pause and stare at him after you've caught your breath.

"What's wrong with you today?"

"Stay the fuck away from that guy."

You roll your eyes. "He's right. It's starting to sound like you love me or something. I wasn't gonna sleep with him anyway so chill out."

He scoffs. "Don't even fucking dream of it. I'd kill you both."

You take a second to look at him. You can't read him to save your life. But he's looking back at you, into you maybe, in a way that makes you wonder if there's something about him you're missing. You wrap your arms around his neck just to see if he'll tell you to stop clinging.

He doesn't though.

"Did you really come all the way here 'cause of what Yuu-chan sent you?"

He glares at you. "Are you deaf? Didn't I say that?"

"But then it sounds like you were jealous."

He rolls his eyes. "You're stupid."

"....You were jealous? Really?"

"Shut up already," He says. And maybe it's the alcohol but you swear his face goes warm. "And seriously stay away from that idiot. If I see some shit like that again I'm locking you in the house and chaining you to my bed."

"Weird proposal but okay."

"Dumbass."

"You love me,"

He rolls his eyes and goes to kiss you. Doesn't deny it, you notice. You pretend not to be giddy.

"Whatever."

✮ extended authors note ; hi!! i hope sukunas personality made sense here.

my point with sukuna in modern is that i think it takes away a lot of his unsavory aspects but the deep sense of possession and ownership sort of stays. this is a modern au so he's different from canon in many ways.

he has a hard time committing but he also does not do things he doesnt want to so him spending time with you and wanting your loyalty are both genuine desires. he understands why you're entertaining gojo's flirting and rationally knows it's unfair to want loyalty from you.

but he's into you so he gets. fucking pissed anyway. skjsjd. anyways i hope u liked it and i hope it made sense!! i just wanted to add this incase!!!

[remxedmoon]

UPDATE TIME BABY

so!! i’ve been making a lot of edits over the past few days after i noticed a few Issues so!!! i think it’d be a good idea to list them here? consider this an update to this weird little pseudo-mod i’ve accidentally created. plus there’s some extra art here (if you, uh, couldn’t guess from the sprite directly above me :3)

okay!! big news first!! thanks to @horatiocomehome, i finally have access to the actual game files! kinda. at least enough access to actually know what the files are named. so, i’ve renamed all of redraw files to be compatible with the game! this should make it way easier to mod them into the game. yipee! so sorry these weren’t correctly named before auauua

i finally made “official” spritesheets for my battle portrait redraws!! ttthese are not intended to replace @/thea2l112’s mod or anything, i just wanted to make ones that included my custom sprites! because i’m very proud of them. i don’t think the custom sprites should cause any issues, but just in case, i also included versions that exclude them! the only differences you’d actually see in normal gameplay are act5 siffrin’s buff sprite and act6 siffrin’s ko sprite (or lack thereof). you can find them in the portrait redraws folder, but i’ll also include them at the end of this post for ease of access 👍 also the fourth spritesheet doesn’t actually do anything in normal gameplay it’s just there so my custom bonnie and loop sprites have a place to go.

okay the changes here are a little less important so they’re going down here. anyways

added the afterimages(?) for the special attacks! i genuinely didn’t realize these were a thing until one of my partners actually put my cgs in the game. so those exist now!! yipee!!

predictably, isa and mira’s jackpot cgs having different aspect ratios did in fact cause issues. i put in a bandaid fix, but i still can’t actually test it out (and i don’t want to pester pastell about it) so, uh, maybe let me know if you encounter any problems with their placement??

so you might’ve noticed that there’s two copies of each of siffrin’s cgs during the final attack scene? that’s just how it is in the game files. i don’t know why. they’re identical in every way, just there to make sure things work properly 👍

made an alt version of the mal du pays death animation! nothing drastic, just cut out a hole to match the original. probably safer to use the one with the Hole for modding, i don’t know what the layering for the cg is in that scene. alas. sspeaking of death animations though!

so!!! there’s two new sprites for this little update thing!! i forgot to do siffrin’s unused battle portrait during my first batch of redraws, so i went ahead and made it! as you can see above! nothing too difficult, i just reused the lineart from my bigfrin sprite (since they use the same lineart ingame)

second of all!! act6 siffrin death animation :3. or well, i guess it could work in other contexts, but i intended it to be for the twohats fight. idk! thought it’d be fun! use it for whatever you desire

aaaand i think that’s it! again, sorry there were so many issues with this batch! i might’ve drawn these for use in mods and fangames or whatnot, but i really did not expect all the interest and support i’ve received??? at all?? it really means a lot!!! so i want to make this thing as Polished and Complete as i can!

aaaa. enough rambling. if you’ve read this far, thank you!!! i hope the redraws are a little easier to work with now!! here’s the spritesheets as promised, please enjoy :3

spritesheets without custom sprites here v

so all you need to do right now is disappear.

HHHHAPPY ISATVERSARY EVERYONE. here’s redraws for every single battle cg in the game. 36 drawings this time around, with 11 of those being custom (though admittedly a good portion of those are edits). combined with the portrait redraws i made back in september, i’ve made 114 redraws for this project! jesus christ! just like those redraws, these are completely free to use!! as long as i’m credited and it’s not for commercial purposes, go wild!! do whatever you want!!!

no i didn’t make these for isat’s 1 year anniversary this is just wildly good timing.

i genuinely can’t fit all of these cgs in one post even with the 30 image limit on browser, but i’ll still try to fit Most of them below the cut (without making this post horrifically long), along with some notes that might be important 👍

okay! once again, i labeled all of the custom art as such in the drive(UPDATE. NNOT TRUE ANYMORE. reformatted file names to be easier to mod in auau. apologies!), but if you want a full list, the customs are hatless siffrin jackpot, bonnie jackpot, bonnie special attack, bigfrin attack, and a bunch of alts which are definitely not related to any projects i’ve been thinking about don’t worry about it. and out of those customs, only like. 3 of them are actually completely from scratch.

while i did my absolute best to keep the aspect ratios completely the same as the originals, there’s 3 exceptions that i just couldn’t get to work.

isabeau’s hair in his special attack cg wouldn’t fit in frame if i kept things completely accurate to the og, so i moved his cg down a bit. it shouldn’t cause any issues with modding or anything, it’ll just appear slightly lower than it does in game. alas…

isabeau’s sleeve and mirabelle’s hair made their jackpot sprites a little larger than the originals? i’m hoping this doesn’t have too much of an effect (since the jackpot sprites have inconsistent sizes) but i can’t test this myself unfortunately. aaa feel free to let me know on discord if any problems arise!!

i managed to fix these, so they aren’t going to cause problems now, but my original drawings for mirabelle and siffrin in the final attack scene were a pain in the ass to fix. mirabelle’s sprite was slightly too talk to fit in frame and siffrin’s hat whacked bonnie in the face while i was editing everyone together. i’m only mentioning this because it took like an hour and a half to fix them and finish the scene.

all that aside, these were a fucking BLAST to work on. apparently this ended up taking 57 hours over exactly 10 days. which is a little worrying if you do the math on that but somehow i have not burnt myself out. i will be doing enemies at some point!!! but probably not for a little bit. i think my friends will actually kill me if i don’t take a break.

once again, happy birthday isat. you’ve ruined my life and i wouldn’t have it any other way (silly).

also, on an actual serious note, this little timeloop game has genuinely changed my life for the better? you guys are probably sick of hearing it at this point (or maybe not, i don’t talk about myself That Much. i hope), but i was practically a ghost for about 2 years before joining this fandom. it’s a little surreal to suddenly have friends (plural!!!) and people who Care about me, or even know i exist, honestly. it’s weird!! in a good way!!!

i don’t think i would’ve ever come back to social media if this community wasn’t so welcoming. i’ve met a lot of really great people through this game!!! so, uh, thank you isat, i guess. here’s to another year.

[biteyoubiteme]

I'll be quick

huening kai x fem!reader

synopsis: dress shopping with your boyfriend.

warnings: 🔞!!! slight exhibitionism, chubby reader implied, no protection, creampie mention, prob forgot some sorry

wc: 1.9k

an: thank you so much for requesting hp! im so nervous for you to read this lol I hope you like it if you don’t just put me down nicely :)) <3333

[m.list] [1kevent m.list]

“How about this one?” you ask, smoothing your hands down the front of the silk dress you wore. It was the kind of material that should not be worn with this type of underwear; your pantie line clearly visible. Your hands went sliding down over your ass as if that would make the buckled fabric disappear. “Ignore the fact I'm wearing the wrong panties,” 

You give a slow spin in the fluorescent lights, the semicircle of mirrors reflecting every angle of your dress-clad figure at you. But all you can see is the damned line from your underwear. “Actually don't answer that, I hate it,” 

“I love it,” Kai speaks up from his spot opposite the mirrors. He's leaning back with your purse in his lap, eyes tracing up and down your body as he watches the way the material clings to you. He can imagine the way it would feel under his fingers, sliding over the expanse of your thighs. 

“You always say that,” you mutter, turning your cheek to look at the dress from the back. You can see Huening watching, eyes tacked right to the outline of your underwear. “Kai,” 

“What?” he blinks up at you like he was caught. Cheeks flushed as he pulled your bag closer to his lap.

“Is it that bad?” It was late in the day, and your usual trip to the mall was fun. Both of you could spend hours going from shop to shop, no need to buy anything but to spend time together looking at all the new things in store. It was one of your favorite things to do. 

Kai would follow you around like a little puppy, letting you pick out things for him to try on. Pulling him into dressing rooms so that he could get something new to wear. Spending too much time at the sunglasses wrack, spinning the display around and around, trying on each pair, first on you then on him, giggling over the silly reflective wraparound pairs. He loved when you picked out the different things for him to put on, especially jeans, your hands sliding into the back pockets to check their depth was always his favorite part. 

You had your favorite spots at the food court, always picking the same little table every time you sat down, knees bumping as you picked over each other's meals. Kai would carry your drink while you tried on shoes, hold your bag when you tried on clothes. And most of the time having him along with you made shopping less overstimulating, you could have fun without rushing to just get the shopping over with. 

Only now that you needed a dress for an event it felt like everything was crashing down at that very moment. Nothing felt right, every dress you tried on made it feel like you wouldn't find the one. The lights now make everything look too oversaturated, the dressing room is now cold enough to make goosebumps rise along your arms, and now the stupid panty line. 

You didn't even know why you were so focused on finding the right outfit, it was a last minute decision to even go to the little dinner your friends were hosting. you didn't need something new but you wanted something new. 

“Just take them off,” Kai suggests, sweet face glowing in the lights, every little mole dotting his skin easily seen. 

The fitting rooms were in the back of the store, the long hallway sectioned off with several doors before ending right at the little platform with the mirrors you stood now. Although a few people milled around in the shop just past the corner no one was in the other changing rooms. He was suggesting an easy fix to the only problem you were having with the dress and so you took it. Even though the door to the room where you kept all your other clothes was open and waiting for you to go back inside, you just bent right there hands going up under your dress and hooking in the waistband of your underwear, pulling them down and off without lifting the dress to expose yourself. 

Kai feels all the blood rush to his face, the prickling heat slinking through his bones. It was enough to already be thinking about undressing you, but now seeing you do most of the work for him, at his suggestion, was taking him out. You tossed the fabric into the dressing room, aiming for your pile of clothes but missing, the corner of the fabric still seen from where Kai's sitting. 

“That's so much better,” you're back to sliding your hands down the silky fabric, flattening out any bumps to make sure it's lying right. You love the way it hugs your thighs, outlines the shape of your hips, the curves of your stomach, and lays against the swell of your chest. “Okay now just imagine it without a bra, I'll have to find something without straps,” 

“It's uh- it's really nice,” you look over at him in his hesitation to find that he wasn't saying it just to appease you but was finding it hard to swallow back what he really wanted to say. He was doing exactly what you asked, picturing you naked under all that silk, he could see it falling to the floor, how easy it would be to slip right off of you.  He pushed your purse closer to his growing bulge, cheeks flushing deeper when you asked, “Huening, are you blushing?” 

He loved it when you used that slightly teasing tone on him, it was as if your fingers were brushing up his neck with each word. “I think that's the one,” he was avoiding directly drawing attention to your question, not needing to think about exactly why he’s red so that he can try and wish away his erection before you guys walk out of here. 

“Okay, perfect.  I don't think I want to even try on anymore ,anyways,” you step down from the little platform, “oh, do you think we could stop at the little candy store on the corner and get the gummies we shared last time?” 

“Umhum,” he gives his usual hum in response as you close the door behind you. 

It's only then that you realize that you can't undo the zipper by yourself, he had helped you do up the back with no problem and there was no way for you to reach up to grab the zipper on your own. “Kai? Could you help me take this off?” 

It's the last thing he should be doing, he knows it as soon as he's in the dressing room with you, hand placed on your hip as he steadies you. You're just as soft as he expected, his free hand not even making it to the zipper. You watch him in the mirror in front of you, his eyes following his fingers as they make their way down gripping the outside of your thighs.“God, I love your body,” he groans, his head falling to your shoulder, lips dusting over your shoulder when you finally feel how hard he is. “You really like the dress huh?” 

“No I just love you and need you, please I'll be quick,” he whines right at the back of your ear. 

“Anyone could hear-” 

“I'll be quiet, I promise, please,” and your slight nod is all he needs to push up the back of your dress, his hand pushing between your thighs, dragging his fingers through your fold, swirling over your clit to build up your arousal. You fall forward, hands bracing yourself on the mirror, kai readjusts so that one hand is splayed across your tummy, silk spilling through his fingers. 

He’s quick to free himself from his jeans, pushing them down just enough so that he can line himself up with you, dragging his tip through your folds, catching at your entrance. You know yourself well enough to cover your mouth when he pushes in, the overwhelming stretch of him always making you whine. He's no better, his pretty face reflecting at you as his mouth opens in a silent moan when he fully seats himself inside you. His head falls into your shoulder so that he can muffle any sound that wants to escape, your back arching as his hold on your plushie hip tightens, fingers digging into the soft skin of your tummy. 

Kais intoxicatingly deep inside you, his first thrust pulls a throaty whimper for you that you can't hold back. “This was a bad idea-” you try to whisper, cutting yourself off by clamping your hand back on your mouth when he slams his hips against your ass. His breath fanning over your ear when he whispers, “You feel fucking amazing,” his trapped whimpers rumbling his chest, all the vibrations pressed to your back. He peeks in the mirror, biting his lip when he watches the way your tits bounce, hanging perfectly in view for him, “fuck- look at you,” 

His cock slides so effortlessly in and out of your needy cunt, warm fluttering walls drawing him in until he's forgetting he needs to be silent, that he shouldn't be pounding this hard, changing his orgasm so intensely that someone might hear him. 

It's the soft clapping of skin that reminds you where you are, “slow down kai- we could- we could-,” but it's then that he uses the hand on your hip to slide under the bunched fabric of your dress, to draw circles on your clit. It was an instant shock that had your knees shaking. 

“Who cares,” he's muttering, head shaking as he picks up his pace, “If anyone saw you dressed like this they would want to be right where I am, fuck, but they could never fuck you like I can, never,” his last word caught on the end of a whimper drawn out and pulled from him as he came. 

It's the look on his face, brows tightening, eyes squeezing shut as he falls apart, mixed with his steady pressure on your clit that has you tumbling over the edge after him. Your whole body flexes as he pulls you in tight to him, hand leaving your stomach to clamp over your mouth. 

Both of you are struggling to catch your breath in the now stuffy room, mirror fogged up from your hands, skin once chilled now inflamed with your post-sex afterglow. His cock still jerked even when he pulled out of you, his hand moving to try and stop the spill of your combined release. Your thighs try to close around the feeling of him brushing your sensitive clit while he leans down to pick up your discarded underwear, using them to clean you up. 

He peppers kisses all along your cheeks bunching up the soiled fabric in his hand before unzipping your dress. “I really do love this dress on you,” 

“Oh really? I couldn't tell,” you giggle, and he helps you get dressed, carrying your bags out after you, panties shoved into his back pocket. 

When you leave the store you wrap an arm around his center, going underneath his jacket to feel all his warmth. He slinks his arms around your shoulder, tugging you into his side, pressing his lips to the top of your head. “Didn't I hear you say something about getting gummies?” 

taglist 🏷: @kissmekissykissme @bts-txt-ateez @apeachty @seungfl0wer @lunesdesire want to be added to the taglist? check out my rules to see how to join! want to be taken off the taglist? send an ask! thank you to @thetxtdevil @hmusunoo @hyukascampfire and @prince-jjae for proofreading/beta reading this for me ily all sm okay my little sweet baby angels I hope you get everything youve ever wanted in life and more

[dreamscapeee222]

Hello!! I would absolutely LOVE if you wrote arcane charecters x chronically ill reader. I have Gastroparesis. Which makes me use a feeding tube. So I beg you to add in the feeding tube 🙏 and how each charecter would show their love!

A/n: Thank you for sharing that ^^ Of course I'll write that!! I hope this suited what you had in mind.

Vi, Jinx, Caitlyn, Ekko, Jayce, Viktor, Mel

Masterlist

Vi

Vi is fiercely protective and understanding when it comes to your health. She notices if you’re feeling weak or uncomfortable and doesn’t hesitate to step in.

She’ll always help with your feeding tube routine, making sure you’re settled in a comfortable spot before administering it. "I’ve got you, don't worry," she’ll assure you, brushing hair from your face.

She’s practical about it—keeping spare supplies, making sure you stay hydrated, and will constantly remind you to take it easy.

At times when you’re feeling too tired, she’ll wrap you in her arms, her strong frame offering support, whispering, "You're stronger than you think."

Jinx

Jinx is a whirlwind of chaotic love, but when it comes to you, she’s surprisingly gentle. She'll be curious about your feeding tube, but in a way that doesn’t make you feel weird.

"So, that thing’s like... a superpower thing, right?" she’d say with a playful grin, but her tone softens when she sees how much effort it takes for you.

She’s the type to give you little gifts to make your routine easier, like a fun cover for your tube or bright, colorful tapes to decorate it.

During moments when you feel down, she’s quick to cheer you up, distracting you with her antics or hugging you close and saying, "I’m here, you’re not alone."

Caitlyn

Caitlyn notices when you’re feeling drained or when the tube is affecting your mood. She’s incredibly empathetic, always offering quiet support and space when needed.

"Do you need anything? I’ll be right here," she’d ask in her calm, soothing voice, always so attuned to your needs.

She’ll take care to make sure you're always comfortable, adjusting your position if you need it, and making sure you have everything you need nearby.

Caitlyn loves having quiet moments with you, often reading or doing work while you rest, her hand gently resting on yours in a silent show of affection.

Ekko

Ekko is understanding without being overly serious. He’s always looking for ways to make things easier for you, like fixing up gadgets to make your life more comfortable.

"I can help with that. You don’t have to do everything yourself," he’d say, offering to handle your tube when you’re too tired.

He loves to remind you that you’re still the same person, no matter what you’re going through. He’s the type to surprise you with small, thoughtful acts, like grabbing your favorite snack (when you’re able to eat it) or just making sure you get enough rest.

Ekko’s constant reassurance—"You’ve got this. We’ve got this."—is his way of showing you that you’re not alone in facing your challenges.

Jayce

Jayce can be a bit clueless at first, unsure of how to help, but he quickly learns to pay attention to your needs. He’s practical, always wanting to make sure your health comes first.

"I’m not going anywhere. We’ll figure this out together," he’ll say, his voice steady and comforting when you’re feeling discouraged.

Jayce makes sure that you never have to worry about your tube or your routine. He’s always there to lend a hand, adjusting things if needed.

He’ll make sure you’re comfortable, even trying to do his own research on Gastroparesis, so he understands better what you’re going through, showing you his dedication in every little act.

Viktor

Viktor has an innate understanding of the importance of care, especially when it comes to your health. He’s methodical and precise, always making sure your feeding tube and medical routine are properly followed.

He’s never uncomfortable around it. In fact, he’s very gentle and patient, taking extra care when assisting you with the tube. "Let me handle this. You don’t need to worry," he’d say in his soft, reassuring voice.

Viktor loves moments of quiet closeness with you, sitting together as he works on his projects, while you’re simply there, resting beside him. He’s always very careful with his touch, whether it’s adjusting your tube or simply brushing a strand of hair from your face.

His love is expressed through his constant presence, making sure you’re never alone or struggling.

Mel

Mel’s compassion is deep, and when she sees you dealing with your feeding tube, she’s immediately attentive to your needs.

"I know this is hard, but I’m here for you," she’d say softly, always careful with your routine.

She treats your condition with the utmost care and respect, making sure that you’re always comfortable. Mel loves taking care of you in the most subtle ways, whether that’s adjusting your pillow or bringing you something comforting while you rest.

Her love is often expressed through small, intimate acts—bringing you tea when you're struggling or gently holding your hand when you need reassurance.

[imorynn]

༊*·˚ ━━━ ¡ AVIS AMBERG • FEM!READER HEADCANONS !

༊*·˚ warnings : fluff & SMUT ( MDNI 18+ )

༊*·˚ tags : @thoroughly--confused @weemswife @urdaddddd69 @mrsines @confuseuniverse @kenzie-floops @evilregal2002 @alicemaximoff @angeliccss @multixfan @spicyredbitch @ofgoldandbraid @nutritionat @bigbaddoctorwolfe @mgruiz @cultiest @aggieharkness @amethyst-bitch @im-a-carnivorous-plant @likealayka @emilynissangtr @gilmoresliarss @jessicaslittlelovesickmess @gayestswiftie @delusionaforolderwomen @greek-freak101 @justasmallfellow @hotmilfyfrap @thegoddamnfeels @lalchimiedecupid @liliastriangle @czl4t @vii-v @asimpforwomen @daddyriovidal ( those who liked / wanted to be tagged !)

༊*·˚ author’s note : this was so enjoyable to do 😭😭 the list is quite lengthy — and there was so much more to bring together, lol. I hope this is enjoyable to read and that I somewhat did Patti LuPone’s character, Avis Amberg justice with these headcanons ! Lemme know your thoughts ! Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate ! 🍂 Mwuah !! <33

SFW :

༊*·˚ AVIS AMBERG is incredibly careful about your rendezvous, choosing discreet locations like upscale hotels or isolated spots far from prying eyes.

༊*·˚ Her visits to the Golden Tip Gasoline are calculated, never too frequent or predictable, to avoid raising suspicion — especially when it comes to being seen with a young gal such as yourself.

༊*·˚ Important, fleeting note : you’re the first female to work in the Golden Tip Gasoline.

༊*·˚ When Ernie sends a note your way that a favored and certain customer of his was willing to pay double of what was usual to maintain discretion and to steal a moment with you, you knew by that smirk and glint in his eyes that you couldn’t say no.

༊*·˚ Avis is a woman who knows the power of her allure, no matter her age.

༊*·˚ Flustered — you’re indeed very fucking flustered the first time especially given her STRAIGHTFORWARDNESS, yet it’s endearing to her.

༊*·˚ You do love how blunt she is though and eventually get used to it.

༊*·˚ She wants to do it again, and you would be lying ( and fucking stupid ) if you said you didn’t want to — 3 to 4 ‘acts of services’ of exhilaration and fun escalated to a full-on affair.

༊*·˚ She flirts effortlessly with you, her smoky voice dropping to a whisper whenever she addresses you, her lips always curving into a faint, knowing smile while basking in the way you flush at her words.

༊*·˚ ESPECIALLY WITH THE NICKNAMES SHE CALLS YOU —

༊*·˚ “ Darling girl,” “mama’s girl,” “doll,” “sweetheart,” “kitten,” “you little minx” “darling”

༊*·˚ Or when the faint yet pigmented traces of her red lips taint your cheeks, your jawline, your temple, or trail along your neck and collarbone — SHE BEAMS WITH PRIDE AND SATISFACTION WHILE ALL YOU CAN DO IS JUST STARE AT HER WITH A STUPID LOVESICK SMILE. ( this is fucking headcanon for Lilia Calderu as well — DISAGREE WITH ME IF YOU DARE. )

༊*·˚ Avis loves teasing you. CANNOT resist gently poking fun at you, whether it’s the way you blush under her gaze or stumble over your words when she leans in too close. Her teasing is always playful, her tone laced with affection.

༊*·˚ She brings touches of her opulent life into your world. Perfume lingering on the clothes she’s discarded, the soft leather of her handbag brushing against your arm, or the way she lights a cigarette with a gold lighter — it’s a stark contrast to your simpler life and a reminder of the gap between you.

༊*·˚ 100 % a good and attentive listener !!!

༊*·˚ Despite the differences in your worlds, Avis genuinely wants to know about your thoughts, dreams, and past. When you speak, she watches you closely, her brown gaze unwavering, her attention making you feel more seen than you’ve ever been.

༊*·˚ From the way your fingers fidget with the hem of your shirt when you’re nervous to the way your voice becomes faint when you’re tired, she’s attuned to all your quirks. She has a sharp eye for detail, and while she doesn’t always mention these observations, her actions show she’s paying attention.

༊*·˚ You remind her she’s more than her reputation. Avis is used to being seen as a symbol of wealth, power, or beauty, but she loves when you make her feel like a person. A woman. Someone who’s flawed, complex, and deeply loved for who she is—not what she represents.

༊*·˚ Show her that she’s cherished, even in small ways.

༊*·˚ Avis adores the little things you do to show your devotion — like carrying something for her, warming her hands with yours, or whispering her name in a way that’s just for her. Or even small love-written notes you may sneak into her purse or leave behind.

༊*·˚ It’s in these gestures that she feels truly adored.

༊*·˚ You make her smile. Like, truly, REALLY smile, cheekbones slightly accentuated — there’s this smoldering depth in her eyes when she looks at you as you speak or does something, and when you catch her looking at you like that, your brain just cuts circuits and you feel yourself melting into a puddle because what the fuck —

༊*·˚ In her world of facades and half-truths, your openness is refreshing. Even when you hesitate or stumble over your words, she appreciates the sincerity in everything you say.

༊*·˚ Admires how you respect her boundaries!! Avis values your understanding of her limits. She loves that you don’t push her to share more than she’s comfortable with or question the life she’s built outside of your relationship. Your respect for her choices deepens her trust in you.

༊*·˚ Expect to hear her talk shit about people, even those she loves ( Ellen included, sorry pooks —), in the industry — and expect her to be RIGHT because her words are not spoken without blunt TRUTH. You never disagree with her, although you do shed slight light depending on who it is ( except Ace. Fuck Ace. )

༊*·˚ Though she’d never admit it, Avis is sentimental about your affair. A small book you’d been reading in the passenger seat of her car, the handkerchief you left at her hotel once—all these small things find their way into her collection of keepsakes.

༊*·˚ Avis isn’t outwardly possessive, but there’s an edge to her when she perceives competition. If she catches a whiff of you being overly friendly with someone else, her smiles get tighter, and her touches that night are more deliberate, as if reasserting her claim.

༊*·˚ She pays Ernie fucking extra for your attention to only be provided for her.

༊*·˚ You have to make it clear on more than one occasion that she does not have to pay for your attention, when she’s already captured it entirely —

༊*·˚ You seek her approval and praise. When she throws a compliment or words of advice your way, you greedily and most eagerly consume that into your brain and heart.

༊*·˚ While Avis does here and there tease and dangle the age card on you, you trust and deeply value her judgment, her choice of words, her opinions, and thoughts, and not just because she is someone you adore and become a literal hole for, but because she IS Avis Amberg, a regal and intelligent woman who’s walked the earth longer than you have.

༊*·˚ She more than anyone understands the things one must do and sacrifices one must make to survive in this world. She understands why you do what you do — such as work at the Golden Tip Gas.

༊*·˚ “You’re smarter than this place, doll. Don’t let it keep you boxed in.”

༊*·˚ It’s her way of lifting you up while reminding you that she sees your potential beyond that place.

༊*·˚ Definitely encourages you to pursue your dreams, and depending on what your ideal career is, she will push and pull at strings so her girl can get one step ahead to where she wants to be.

༊*·˚ Avis definitely fusses over you sometimes. If she notices you’ve been overworking or looking too tired, she might hand you a flask of expensive whiskey or tuck a crisp bill into your shirt pocket with a teasing comment about taking care of yourself.

༊*·˚ Avis is NOT afraid to show you tough love. Does not like to sugarcoat things. Her maternal streak doesn’t mean she’ll coddle or indulge weakness. She’ll tell you the truth, even if it’s hard to hear, but her words are always laced with an undercurrent of care.

༊*·˚ Not only supports but pushes you, and it’s because she believes in your potential and wants you to succeed. “You’re strong, don’t let the world treat you like a little bitch, darling.”

༊*·˚ You smother her with affection, SHE SMOTHERS YOU WITH GIFTS.

༊*·˚ The first time she gives you something, you’re hesitant to accept it. Her brow arched, a soft laugh escaping her as she leaned closer to murmur, “It’s for me as much as it is for you, kitten. Humor me, won’t you?”

༊*·˚ Avis knows you might hesitate to accept her generosity, given your position and hers. She always reassures you with a soft smile and a murmured, “It’s nothing, darling. Let me take care of you.” Or , “Don’t argue with me. Mama likes to spoil her girl.”

༊*·˚ A novel by an author you may have mentioned in passing, or a scarf in your favorite color, or a bracelet with a charm that carries a secret significance between the two of you, she’ll get it for you.

༊*·˚ When you proudly wear or use something she’s gifted with gleam, those brown pools of hers shimmer with unmistakable pride. She may trail her fingers along the edge of the fabric she bought for you or comment softly, “You make it look better than I imagined.”

༊*·˚ She sometimes indulges in a more extravagant gift — a pair of earrings, a silk dress, or something that feels out of reach for your world. When she does, her tone is casual, as though it’s no trouble for her to provide such luxuries, but her eyes gleam with satisfaction when she sees your stunned expression.

༊*·˚ Avis is a proud woman, and though she’s not one for grand declarations, she doesn’t like it when you question her affections. “Must I always remind you how much you mean to me?” she’ll say with a soft sigh, cupping your chin to force you to look her in the eye.

༊*·˚ There’s a touch of insecurity on your part. Being with someone as poised and powerful as Avis can feel overwhelming. Sometimes you wonder why she’s with you, a nobody compared to her glamorous life. But she has a way of dispelling your doubts with a single look or a soft-spoken reassurance.

༊*·˚ While Avis trusts your independence, she doesn’t take kindly to anyone mistreating you. If she senses someone’s being disrespectful, her words turn sharp, her demeanor icy, as she swiftly puts them in their place.

༊*·˚ She HATES leaving you after stolen hours with one another. Parting way is always the hardest for Avis. Though she masks it well, there’s a flicker of hesitation in her eyes every time she has to walk away, as if she’s silently wishing she could stay longer. ( those brown eyes of her soft and warm and SAD while her red-tinted lips frown as she stares at you, touches lingering, pecks to your cheek frequent, longer than the last before she departs — UGH. )

༊*·˚ You despise Ace. Period. It physically pains you that she has to go back to the man called her husband — the man with far more power than you could ever have. A MAN for Christ’s sake. Your jealousy — and despise — is both endearing but somewhat common to Avis.

༊*·˚ You bring out a softness in her. With you, Avis lets herself relax in ways she doesn’t elsewhere. She enjoys quiet moments together—sharing a cigarette, lying side by side in silence, or just watching the way you look at her like she’s the only, most precious person in the world. She tends to forget what it feels like, being looked at in that way, feeling that way. ( poor baby —)

༊*·˚ She ADORES how you notice the small things. Whether it’s a new piece of jewelry she’s wearing, the way her hair is slightly styled differently, or even just a minor change in her tone, Avis is deeply flattered when you pick up on the details. She loves being seen by you.

༊*·˚ She knows when you’re upset. You can’t hide your emotions from Avis. If you’re feeling down or anxious, she has a way of coaxing it out of you with a quiet patience that makes you feel safe.

NSFW !!!

༊*·˚ AVIS AMBERG THRIVES in control — a tantalizing balance of tender and firm.

༊*·˚ In the bedroom, this translates into her taking the lead with a firm but sensual dominance. She delights in directing your actions, telling you how to touch her, how to undress, or how to position yourself for her pleasure. She enjoys you being obedient, and your eagerness to please only enhances her desire.

༊*·˚ She might instruct you to undress in front of her slowly, letting her take in every inch of your body, her gaze deliberate and appreciative.

༊*·˚ “Good girl,” she’d breathe out, her voice a velvet-like mix of approval and arousal, as you follow her instructions without hesitation.

༊*·˚ She relishes in control though tempers it with a warmth that makes you feel safe, adored, and completely hers.

༊*·˚ She’s a MASTER of seduction.

༊*·˚ Avis takes her time with foreplay, savoring the build-up as much as the act itself. Her lips, her hands, and her voice are all tools in her arsenal, and she knows exactly how to wield them to leave you breathless.

༊*·˚ Avis would be drawn to your reverence for her. Your willingness to treat her like a goddess would resonate deeply, feeding her need to feel adored and desired in ways she doesn’t receive in her conventional life.

༊*·˚ Babygirl isn’t one to rush, if you’re eager to get to it, she manages to get you to slow down with those eyes and red lipped smirk of hers. Whether it’s the slow drag of her lips down your neck or the way your fingers explore every inch of her skin, she likes for one to take their time, as though committing the feel of one another to memory.

༊*·˚ Quiet isn’t her issue! Avis isn’t afraid to let you know how much she’s enjoying herself — very vocal. Her moans are soft yet commanding, her whispered praises intoxicating. She’s also insistent on hearing you, encouraging every gasp and groan with murmured affirmations.

༊*·˚ She DEMANDS your focus. When you’re with Avis, she expects your UNDIVIDED attention. She’ll gently guide your hands to where she wants them or softly command you to look at her, ensuring every moment is intentional and shared.

༊*·˚ She enjoys hearing how beautiful, powerful, and sensual she is, and she’d savor how eagerly you want to please her.

༊*·˚ You kiss every inch of her body, whispering how divine she is, how much you want to please her, and how lucky you feel to have her.

༊*·˚ “That’s it, darling,” she’d exhale, fingers threading into your hair when you’d kneel before her. “Show Mama how much you adore her.”

༊*·˚ While Avis exudes control and dominance, she would also crave moments where she can let her guard down.

༊*·˚ With you, someone younger and fresh with possibility, she’d explore the thrill of trusting someone to take care of her—even if only briefly.

༊*·˚ On rare occasions, she’d allow herself to lean into your arms, guiding your hand to undress her or worship her body as she sits / lays back, watching you with a mix of amusement and surrender.

༊*·˚ Avis lives for the thrill of secrecy.

༊*·˚ The illicit nature of your rendezvous adds an irresistible tension that heightens her arousal.

༊*·˚ She delights in taking risks — stolen touches in public spaces, breathy moans silenced into the palm of her hand, and the ever-present danger of discovery.

༊*·˚ During galas or social events, she’d brush her fingers against your waist, whispering heated promises in your ear about what she’ll do to you later.

༊*·˚ QUICKIES OCCUR WITH AVIS. I JUST KNOW IT IN MY BONES. Sometimes, when time is short, she’ll pull you into her car and park in the nearest empty parking lot— DOES NOT GIVE TWO FLYING FUCKS IF IT IS DAY OR NIGHT, SHE WILL HAVE YOU.

༊*·˚ The urgency of these moments—your hands fumbling, your breath hot against her skin—it’s all just so delicious to her and you —

༊*·˚ The forbidden nature of your relationship feeds her desire, making every encounter all the more electrifying.

༊*·˚ Definitely has a thing for marking you — hidden of course, though sometimes she isn’t afraid to let them peak out —

༊*·˚ Avis is deliberate about leaving traces of your passion, but always where only you or she will see them. Love bites along your inner thighs or scratches down your back are her signature, a private reminder of her.

༊*·˚ Avis, ever meticulous and refined, would likely have a deep appreciation for oral pleasure — both giving and receiving.

༊*·˚ She’s precise, taking her time to tease and savor, drawing out your pleasure until you’re trembling under her touch.

༊*·˚ She’d enjoy teasing you, her lips and tongue exploring every sensitive spot, her movements sensual and deliberate, building you up only to pause and make you beg for release.

༊*·˚ “Patience, my sweet girl,” she’d whisper, her voice rich with amusement. “I decide when you come.”

༊*·˚ Conversely, she’d REVEL in your attention to her, loving the way you worship her body, how you kiss and taste her like she’s the only thing that matters.

༊*·˚ She encourages you to be VOCAL. Avis LOVES hearing you — whether it’s a soft moan, a whispered plea, or her name spilling from your lips. She’ll tease — very subtly degrade you if you try to stifle yourself. “Let me hear those pretty sounds, darling. I want to know how good you feel at being a dirty little whore, hmm?”

༊*·˚ As a woman used to getting what she wants, Avis would enjoy exerting her control through teasing and denial.

༊*·˚ She, and proud she would be to declare this, is highly aware of the power she holds over you and takes immense pleasure in making you wait for her touch, her approval, her satisfaction.

༊*·˚ She might kiss you deeply, her hands roaming your body, only to stop abruptly and smile. “Not yet, darling,” she’d say, commanding while those brown eyes shimmer in mirth. “I want to savor you.”

༊*·˚ Your frustration only fuels her satisfaction, and when she finally allows you to have her, the release is all the sweeter.

༊*·˚ Avis would revel in the age gap between you.

༊*·˚ She enjoys being the experienced, worldly woman guiding you into new realms of pleasure and desire.

༊*·˚ She loves how youthful and vibrant you are, how your innocence (or at least the appearance of it) contrasts with her own sophistication.

༊*·˚ She might call you “Mama’s girl” during moments of intimacy, or when promising you something filthy and exhilarating in the secrecy of stolen moments.

༊*·˚“You’re so eager, you minx ,” she’d croon affectionately. “It’s adorable how desperate you are for me.”

༊*·˚ Avis is a woman of taste, and she’d incorporate luxury into her intimate encounters with you.

༊*·˚ Silk sheets, champagne, and candlelit settings would be her preference, creating an atmosphere of opulence that matches her persona.

༊*·˚ She’d surprise you with a private rendezvous in a lavish hotel room, the bed adorned with rose petals, the air thick with the scent of expensive perfume.

༊*·˚ “Only the best for mama’s girl,” she’d whisper against the nape of your neck as you marveled at the setting she’d arranged just for you.

༊*·˚ praise, praise praise !!!! If it was not clear, Avis thrives for praising you!!!! Avis is generous with her compliments, but they’re always laced with her unique brand of authority.

༊*·˚ She LOVES hearing you call her Mrs. Amberg when you’re intimate, but she’s also partial to ma’am or even mama. It feeds her ego and the dynamic between you two.

༊*·˚ Definitely tests your limits. Avis enjoys pushing boundaries, always careful but curious to see how far you’re willing to go for her. A blindfold, a soft scarf tying your wrists, or simply asking you to trust her completely—she knows how to toe the line between thrilling and overwhelming !

༊*·˚ VERY SENSUAL. For Avis, intimacy is about more than just physical pleasure. She takes every opportunity to touch you—tracing patterns on your skin, pressing kisses to your pulse, and savoring the way you respond to her in every way.

༊*·˚ She takes her time with aftercare, as do you. Despite her intensity, Avis is gentle and attentive once the heat of the moment has passed. She’ll brush back your hair, press soft kisses to your temple, and whisper words of reassurance as she holds you close.

[technically-human]

I don't know the rules for art requests so I'm hoping if I do this wrong you'll just ignore this message. I really, really like your Dead Boy Detectives art and I've been following it since the first comic with the soul orbs. I also like your different AUs and crossovers.

Could you write/draw a comic where Doom Patrol Charles meets Reverse Verse Charles? I think that could be interesting because those are the two versions of Charles who admit they're in love with Edwin, but also those two are on opposite ends of the emotional stability scale. That's probably not a good word for it-- what I mean is that DP-Charles seems comfortable with himself while RV-Charles thinks he's an absolutely terrible person, and RV-Charles is kind of manipulative at times while DP-Charles seems to be aware of others' feelings and gives them space.

Also, I think RV-Edwin and DP-Edwin might enjoy sassing each other too much.

No rules, just a lot of patience! Reading your comments always makes me happy, so I made this little thing very quickly :) I'm sure there's a lot of fun interactions for them to have, but it might take me a while to come up with more stuff.

I don't think DP!Charles has advice for RV!Charles... after all, they're kind of in the same boat. But maybe he can teach him a thing or two about giving Edwin time and space? I would love the see everyone's thoughts, because this seems like it could be a fun dynamic.

Thank you for the request, and to everyone else who sent me one: I live in shame. I will get to them.

ko-fi

[puppetwoman17]

You know, i wanna expand a bit on Billy’s relationship with Ebenezer, because I feel like it’s so important to dissecting Billy’s character.

⚠️If you don’t wanna read about my thoughts on Billy’s mental abuse by his only adult relative, then please click away⚠️

My mind went back to the fact that Billy couldn’t go with his family to Egypt solely because of his lacking grades. I wondered, E must know, right? Maybe he was told in passing, maybe Billy told him and asked him for help studying, whatever. And I just know that he made fun of and ridiculed him. He likely called him dumb, moronic, any name in the book.

Ebenezer constantly relayed to him and validated the notion that Billy stopped HIMSELF from being with his family in their last moments. That he was too stupid to be with them.

With that in mind, he would have had to be solely dependent on his uncle. Unfortunately, that’s not possible. He’d have no choice but to trust him, but we know that backfires. His only reprieve is school, so when he gets home, Ebenezer would tell him to put his stupid brain to good use.

Anyone can sneak and buy beer. Even an idiot like him.

The basis for their entire relationship is that Billy looks like his dad. Hell, he practically worships him. But because Ebenezer can’t very well scare his younger brother(height mixed with a strong personality), he goes for the closest thing. A spitting image of his half-brother who still hasn’t developed mentally and barely exhibits any traits.

It will take years for Billy to realize that Ebenezer is a coward. Until then, that man is his worst nightmare. He’s the thing he fears most in this world. Forget Black Adam, Darkseid, and Mr. Mind. Merely thinking of Ebenezer Batson, the man who belittled him so much that he has trouble trusting himself, causes him to shut down or divert away from those thoughts.

Just like his dad, Billy is everything Ebenezer isn’t. He’s young. He’s talented. He’s charming. He has opportunity. And he believes in himself because his parents made sure he did. So the worst possible thing Ebenezer could ever do to his nephew is mess up all that careful development.

“Are you sure they loved you?”

“Are you sure you can do this?”

“You’re the only one who stopped you from being with them.”

“When are you going to realize that you can’t do anything right?”

Ebenezer Batson is the only person in the world who knows the one other way he could crush his nephew’s spirit. Ruining Captain Marvel’s image.

Because he definitely “knows” knows. CC’s face on Marvel tells him everything he should know.

The one thing, above all, that could crush his nephew’s spirit into dust, is ruining Captain Marvel’s image. Because it’s genuinely all he has left of his dad. He’s the only way he can see his dad talking and moving on screen. It’s like he’s still here, and Billy never wants to ruin that.

But he’s an idiot. That’s what E used to tell him. What if he makes a mistake and no one likes Cap anymore? What if he’s ruined the image of CC Batson(his face, his ideals, his hopes) forever?

Just the fact that it’s not these cosmic beings of mass destruction or mad scientists bent on world domination that shakes Marvel/Billy to his core. It’s this evil old man who knows him better than anyone. Knows how he thinks. Knows what buttons to push to get him angry and look bad. Knows how to lower that self-confidence.

[luckyyyduckyyy]

THANKSGIVING MOOTIE APPRECIATION ❤️✨❤️

Happy thanksgiving y'all! And a good time zone to all my non-US/non-Turkey day havers lovelies!

Tis the season of thanks and I'm a very thankful goober this year! I only started getting active on Tumblr about half a year ago and there's already so many people and things I'm grateful for from this site alone! I've enjoyed so much art and events, participated in yap seshes, tag games, and ultimately felt pretty welcomed and at home on this site, and it's thanks to all you! <3<3<3

Special thanks to the DCA fandom in its entirety as well! All the discussions, artists, writers, and shared reposts with all the silly notes are awesome! Y'all inspire me all the time and make me wish I was more outgoing than I am just so I can say hello to each and every one of you!!!!

The list gets long, so for the sake of those scrolling by, I have put it below! Have a lovely day everyone! <3333

@midnight-mourning Your writing is just wonderful. It's everything!!! I adore it so much and your CS boyos have wormed their way into my heart and refuses to leave. Some of my favorite songs even remind me of them! (Don't tell Moon this but I am very attached to CS Sun-)(Honestly gotta be my favorite Sun I've read fr fr) Also! Thank you for just being so supportive, thinking about me in tag games, and giving ALL the tag notes! They're a wonder to read and have me bounce off the walls! I'm always so happy we're mooties! ❤️❤️❤️ (Also, fun fact, you're my first mutual too! It's insane to me HOW DID THIS HAPPEN GUAHPHIAHDKA)

@pointyfruit You! Your art? Muah, wonderful. I don't even care if it's not dca related because it's so good. The shape language, art style, and just unique takes on just anything and everything blows my mind! Let's not forget COLORS. Oml they are so PRETTY. It's like an explosion I never want to end. 💥💥💥 Also! So goofy, so silly, and COTL enjoyer! Let's GOOOOO!!! I don't engage with the fandom much but I DO love the game and honestly I almost beat it, but still have not because I don't wanna do the final boss fight. It can't be over bros... Anyways when I see your posts I always wanna just wave like a neighbor seeing ya blow up 10 boxes of fireworks on a casual Tuesday afternoon. 👋👋👋:D

@divinit3a SPINS YOU!!! 🐶🐕🐶 Heya silly meister! In the midst of reading your work, gotta say? Muwah, Perfecto! The sillies are putting me on a rollercoaster and I'm stuck on the ride! While my ability to yap is a coin flip every hour, you happen to bring the yappening out of me with all the fun notes and posts you do--We've already had so many fun convos! Speaking of posts, the art is peak and will STAY peak! The designs? Muwah. The colors? Muwah. You make even the creepiest of goobers hauntingly beautiful! We've may not have known each other for long, but you're someone I look forward to seeing on my dash/notifications every time I open the app! ❤️❤️❤️

@sinister-sincerely Hi!!!! I'm still sometimes in awe realizing we're mutuals! I really love your work and if I'm in the mood to read something but I don't know what, I tend to turn to Aftersome often, even though I've read both the og and the rewrite! It's like you're the master of writing angst, bitter unrequited feelings, and the strange tenseness but want of confusing relationships. It's gut wrenching and I wish I could write something so evoking! All your stories are amazing and I seriously hope you know that, they're such heavy hitters that they have marked a place in my memory. ❤️ Your art too is wonderful! They don't pop up often but when they do it's a real treat! I love that you use grey scale in a lot of your works and the style is just so pleasing to look at. Whenever I see the DCA in your style I wanna give them the biggest hugs, even if they'd pry me off seconds later! ✨✨✨

@r0b0s-robos / @r0b0-wannabe Waving at you excitedly!!! It's always a pleasure to see your reposts, you always find the good stuff! Plus, you always are trying to help out others and it's amazing to see, your efforts are able to make great impacts. :333 You're also another writer I appreciate immensely, and I'm so invested in your botanist au. The sillies and their botanist who is desperately trying not to fall in love with them!!! ADORE THEM!!! I can't wait to read more! ❤️❤️❤️ The times you post about writing ideas or silly things about the DCA has me nodding my head with a smile. Also, the little notes you leave in tags, despite usually being brief, always makes me so happy! It's like seeing the kind stoic look at you from their seat, let out a small smile, and say "I love this"- and then suddenly it's a blast of blinding white light of endearment straight to my heart. K.O.!

@chickenchirps27 Welcome back!!! I've noticed you've been much more active recently and it's always fun to see what you got goin on! Obligatory art mention, but it would be criminal to NOT mention it. ITS!!! AMAZING!!! THEY LOOK LIKE ROCK CANDY!!! Colors!!! I love it so much, the goobers look delicio- I mean they look adorable and masterfully crafted in each piece of art! And your sona, ugh, she's so gorgeous and alien in the best ways possible. I've never seen anything like her and I am in awe of how you came up with all her little details. Those mantis arms are SICK and I want them!!! (Though drawing may be a little hard if I had em-)✨✨✨

@amarynthian-fortress / @amarynthian-chronicles Hehehe! Boops you! >:D Honestly, thank you for always being the biggest sweetheart around and being so welcoming. You're one of the people that made me feel able to crack my shell more and be more active on here! Your writing is whimsical, your reposts and comments are always so kind and feel-goody, and you just always show you care and the randomest times! Catch me off guard why don't you! I love all the snippets and treats you post, and I'm saving many of your stories to read for rainy days! ❤️❤️❤️

@ping-ski My reaction to us becoming mutuals was- 💥💥💥:OOOOO💥OO💥💥 I think I've followed you right when I started getting active on here and gah, your art is wonderful. So lovely, stylized, and colored so simply yet so appealingly that I can't stop looking. Your aus make me want to read them and their designs are always top tier! Also, I cannot forget to mention you are SILLAY!!! So silly! Your comments on reposts are goofy and I love to read them whenever they come up on my dash! Not to mention your own posts- I will never forget the 3-in-1 solid block of dca encased in ice. I was in awe of seeing them encased and I suddenly wanted my own dca ice cubes to put into a drink and try not to choke on. ✨✨✨

@quilteddreamz Your writing. Oh my GOSH your writing! It's wonderful, beautiful, gah, I can't wait for your advent calender! I wish I could do something for it but I got 3 more weeks of large projects tapped to my back. I am sending much luck your way and know that I am excited to enjoy some daily dca! Don't break yourself over it too! I may adore the goobers but you're most adored first! Take care and keep being such a whimsical person! Muwah! ✨✨✨

@flowysgonemad You are also! Silly!!! You are so fun to see popping around my dash and your doodles just make me go :333 every time! I love your aus and you're a very kind/goofy person! I don't even remember how we became mutuals but garsh diggity dang it, it's awesome to see ya and anything you yap about!

There are MANY more mooties I want to appreciate and show off, but I fear I am currently omw to go to a large thanksgiving dinner and I'm expecting to be there for the rest of the day. SO! If you weren't listed, please know that I AM thinking of you! Have a wonderful time zone, and just know that my heart is so full knowing that you're all there! I can't believe there is that many of you to begin with that I can't fit you all within the time frame! (Would you believe me if I said coming up with all the right words to say here took me 2 1/2 hours?)

So! To all my beloved writers, artists, and sillies alike! From the bottom of my heart, really, thank you! For being here, even reading this, and appreciating the things I do as much as I appreciate you! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️✨✨✨✨✨✨

[mysteryanimator]

Breaking down Castlevania Nocturne Season 01 - Episode 04 "Bedroom scene" (almost) shot by shot!

Breaking down episode 06 / Breaking down episode 08

(Word count 6.3k I am so sorry HAHAHA)

I was heavily considering not going through episode 04 mostly due to being in the public eye but I like talking about shows I enjoy, regardless if my writing is shitty or not. By the way, the title says almost go through this shot by shot only because there's a 30-image limit. This scene is LONG so I can't catch everything but I can catch most.

By the way, before we start, a massive huge thank you to the Nocturne people, i don't think they'd read this, but if they do, all the scenes are really well crafted and interweave soooo nicely to their next point of interaction. I would love to know everyone who worked on this section, but if not I do hope they hear my utmost thanks and applause from all the way from Australia.

(Actually, just everyone who worked on Nocturne take a standing ovation from me lol, the show actually changed my life lmao, but I digress)

To introduce people who may be reading my analyses for the first time:

I implore you to rewatch Nocturne after reading this and make your own thoughts because while this is an analysis, it also comes through my own lens. These are just my thoughts and by no means end-all-be-all!

These are just observations based on my special interest and study in the field of in media production and analysis (i haven't been in that field for a while but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things HAHAHA)! Despite all of that, this is for fun, which is why I will be writing a lot more casually, so please don't take this too seriously! This not only helps me out as a student to become aware of how stories are put together and, in turn, how to apply them and make my own, but it also allows me to impart that excitement to you! Shot choices matter, especially when you have only 8 episodes, a deadline, a budget, asset restrictions, and so on. It all has to count. Everything matters.

Passionate creatives care and there is more than "the curtain is blue just because." The times when things slip under the radar and are put there just because are mostly due to executive meddling, budget restrictions, and deadlines.

With that said, this is actually a lot more thicker than previous breakdowns, WHOOPS. So please feel free to read this in chunks, and I will warn you that my grammar is not the best so you might have to bear with me here! As a warning, I will be using the words like sex, genitalia, etc. I only mention the actual acts of sex when presented as a joke.

--

Why am I putting in this last close shot of Tera? It is important because the whole scene beforehand has us mentally prepared for a fight or something a lot more action-like. The walls behind Tera and Olrox's room are REALLY similar, therefore once we see this inn room, we make a split-second assumption we're jumping forward in time with the protagonist. A picture says a thousand words.

Right up until the Olrox and Mizrak scene, our protagonist and antagonists both have very distinct places of associations and visuals, which often give the audience clues about their roles. They're established immediately from episode 01 and don't divert that line, that is until inn room. You can argue the line waivers in the courtyard, but the distinction is made REALLY clear in this episode.

The main cast, aka our protagonists, their places of association are usually amongst nature and people. If they're inside buildings, it is small cramped space, very much lived in and not completely upkept BUT it is what makes them very human. Our antagonists are associated with grand buildings and detailed windows that almost touch the ceiling. Gold trimmings. Vibrant rich colours that could only be afforded by the rich. If not the massive chateau, we have larger-than-life catholic churches, with stone walls higher than the eye can see. Our antagonists are congregations and establishments. Our protagonists are individuals.

I'd love to put some examples but I've used up my image slots, which means I'm making you rewatch (jokingly you don't have to) Nocturne from ep1-ep4 making you really conscious of the backgrounds

We as an audience have already slotted Olrox with with high-class, even though we as an audience know there's more to him. Olrox is designed with visual cues of the antagonists. His clothes literally could be wallpaper for the chateau. Not only that, the way he stands and holds himself very much leans into some of the stereotypes and tropes of the upper class that are often shoved into the media we consume. Then Mizrak, we do not see Mizrak anywhere besides the church, just strictly following the commands of the Abbott. We as an audience already have preconceived notions about religion, especially catholicism in the real world. Also, we have an established view of how Castlevania goes about religious characters from the previous series. Mizrak appears to have no other purpose but to be one of the main antagonist's guards.

This is a subversion.

Subtly this is going to tell us there is so much more with Mizrak and Olrox, and how their values align more with the protagonists rather than the villains and antagonists of the show. However, since they already began as oppositions to Richter and co, they need to earn the trust of the audience first so then they become more likable whenever they do have to earn the trust of Richter and co. This is our first building block. A step towards trust towards us and a step towards trust between Mizrak and Olrox.

(The location of their private conversations is REALLY important because they also tell us a lot about the characters, but I'll save it for the ep 3 breakdown when I get to it)

The sequencing and length of these shots are really important for the first half of the bedroom scene because we have exposition to get through. The scene has to be set out very strong from the start BUT, it also has to ease us in because this is a drastic shift, not only visually with naked characters but also a shift on the audience's expectation of already established characters. This is why we need this window first. We need to ease into this bedroom scene, or else we're going to be way too distracted by what is about to be shown.

Going forward SOME of these will be gifs to help illustrate my point. After all this is an animation! This is really important to show you in motion.

This pan down, oh my god this pan down. Camera pans help to reveal new information off-camera or to showcase a shift in tone/perspective. Suffice it to say THAT IS A LOT OF INFORMATION and a new shift in tone. This long shot is here to help establish our setting more clearly, what characters we're following, and what is happening. What are we establishing here? Mizrak and Olrox had sex in an inn room, that's all this shot is. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, other than the fact Olrox is censoring his own and Mizrak's crotch but that's it. As simple as it is, it is extremely effective. Yet it's so pulled back and obscured by the flower we can't be completely certain which is why we need the midshot of them that follows after, which helps to continually ease us into the scene. It tells us so much with so little. Show, don't tell is not only a powerful tool in visual arts. It leaves the audience to their imagination and I'm pretty sure a lot of us can fill in the gaps (I see you writers, I've seen everything on AO3).

This a midshot of Mizrak blankly staring up at the ceiling. Then they both turn to each other before Mizrak leaves and Olrox watches. In silence.

It's simple.

It's straightforward.

It makes you throw your arms up and go "what the fuck is happening???" It works. We're easing into this scene which is what we need. We're distracted by our own shock. So we've gone from our establishing the bed to establishing in our faces that, yes, it is indeed Olrox and Mizrak and they are both naked. That yes, they had sex and that Mizrak decided to stay for the night. Reasons? No clue and it's not important plot-wise, we just need to wrap our heads around that it is THESE TWO. It needs to be simple.

The lack of dialogue gives us room to breathe and to think. This is why this shot feels and holds on for what feels like a long time, in silence.

It might've changed but last I recall on average, shots will hold for 2-3 seconds. This is due to preventing the audience loose interest because the unchanging visual stimuli (and let's be frank attention spans are shortening, therefore media will change to reflect that). HOWEVER, a shot length heavily depends on the context of the scene and what you're trying to specifically say with a single shot, therefore making it super short OR super long. This one shot is six seconds. It allows for the dramatics to be amped up and it allows us to get through our shock for a bit longer since we're only TWO SHOTS into this scene, and right after this we're jumping straight into exposition and their deeply intricate dynamic. This is out six seconds to scream our heads off in shock and laugh in disbelief before we get hit with Mizrak's existential crisis.

The silence and the simplicity of it all also strengthen their mysterious characterization that has been established in episodes 01-03. We never see how they got here OR the act itself. However, what is really telling of these characters is their lack of body language and facial expressions. From episodes 01-03, Mizrak and Olrox have been seen to be very reserved characters until their fight in the courtyard. Their last scene together was fighting, in a courtyard. Now we're seeing them, post-sex, with neutral expressions and body language? The lack of any answers, the lack of anything dynamic happening from this shot and the last shot makes the audience absolutely learn for an answer. We're now invested in this side plot. What got these two men to be in this vulnerable state? How do we get the answer? We sit, we wait, we watch that vulnerability get earned. Mutual vulnerability that is.

This gets into personal opinion here so feel free to skip, but I really really enjoy how we get absolutely no answer or visuals, which might be a strange take for someone who does of fan-anims and fanart of them coughcough. We as an audience can get through literally two images and understand they had sex. We don't need to be spoon-fed. Media is in my personal opinion is more fun to engage in where we get just enough to know what going on, but we can fill in the blanks ourselves. We can read between the lines. This is adult animation. This is not to say I'm opposed to an explicit scene with them later down the line, I just think this is a very good way to establish the dynamic they are going to have. It has me way more emotionally invested in these characters which I believe is far more important because it tells me we're in it for the long haul and we're going to see a relationship actually develop in real time, both their high points and pitfalls. Also, I personally feel this whole scene is building towards something we have yet to see. I do not believe this is the last time we will see them put in a situation like this due to the whole emotional weight of them being naked, but that's theory territory LOL. I'm so happy to be proven wrong though.

This long shot is slightly tilted up to help to censor genitalia but it is again a REALLY SHOCKING SHOT. I personally don't know any recent Western animated media that has done this, especially of a male couple. Even if there are some animated examples, this is not a very common thing, especially to this extreme.

Now we're actually getting into the meat of their actual discussions, knowledge, if you will.

By the way, the question Olrox is presenting, is already information everyone knows. Actually, a better word is presumed. We saw the abbot in episode 02. Olrox explicitly states it in episode 03, asking "Why is your abbot forging Night Creatures for the Vampire Messiah?" There's technically no reason to say this BUT for this scene, it works because we're still distracted visually. We still need to ease into this, much like how Olrox needs to ease himself into this conversation before getting what he wants truly. Mizrak's opinion.

This midshot of Mizrak's back is so much important then you think.

I can be wrong, but I feel like you're supposed to be half-distracted or get whiplash by Mizrak's back. Frankly, we're supposed to get major whiplash from these two characters naked for a moment. These characters are usually completely covered from the neck down. This also makes the conversation they're having to be put under a way different lens. If they were clothed for this entire scene, the emotional weight would almost be non-existent.

Nakedness/lack of clothes is vulnerability, especially for a knight. Especially for a guarded vampire. I will be talking A LOT about vulnerability, so I hope I don't wear out the word too much.

You can perceive this shot in two ways and I think both work in this scenario. It can showcase even when naked and vulnerable, his unwillingness to open up, unable to fully face his own truths, the truths Olrox lays out for him. Yet, you're also having your back to a vampire, a perceived threat, which is a very vulnerable position to be in. You can't see your opponent.

It shows Mizrak trusts Olrox physically, but not emotionally. Not yet. We're going to watch Olrox earn it and for Mizrak to reciprocate it back throughout the series. Also just in general, sex requires vulnerability, choice AND trust, therefore even the implication of sex, those meanings get slapped down onto these characters. It means that they have the means to trust, be vulnerable, and have a choice with each other physically, but emotionally, they're building up to that.

This medium shot will be the ONLY SHOT we get of Mizrak in his boxers. This is plainly in part of the fact he's hurriedly getting dressed BUT we need to see his hesitation, him slightly lowering his clothes, him actually listening to Olrox.

Olrox is right.

Though Olrox isn't here to converse about other people to Mizrak. He wants his opinion.

Close-up shot of Olrox!

Close-ups are used to make the facial expression of a character the main focus. It gives us clarity on the character's thoughts and feelings on a particular subject, even when lying it can already tell us a lot about a character in the moment. The character themselves are the sole focus of the shot, nothing else. The same goes for objects. This also means when you do the opposite and obscure the face...

(drum roll to the next shot)

This is a great close-up shot to cut to because this has Mizrak fully turn AWAY from Olrox, put on his armor, and paired with the line "I don't know what you're talking about." We're getting visual and audio confirmation that Mizrak does not want to acknowledge his own thoughts, in turn, he will not face Olrox and the audience.

He is actively putting his guard back up as soon as Olrox prods for his opinions. From episodes 01-04, all we have seen him do is be at the church and stand alongside Emmanuel, that's it. He is not a leader, a pillar of the community like the Abbot, he is a follower. A guard dog ( like Drolta Tzentes, though she has way more personal agency than Mizrak). He never voices his own opinion, his own thoughts. To do that would need you have the strength to be

VULNERABLE!

By this point in time, he's not fleshed to the same degree as most of the other characters. Richter gets the episode 01 prologue with Olrox being his main point of trauma. Tera gets her speaker backstory fleshed out along with establishing Drolta and Ezerbet's longstanding history. Annette and Edouard get a really well-established (btw beautifully done too oh my god) flashback as Annette recounts the past. While Maria has no flashbacks, her character gets to have her individual values and attitudes fleshed out due to her screen time and her connections to Richter and Tera.

Mizrak though?

Not much is known about him besides the church. We put this label on him simply due to what the show has given us, but through Olrox we're getting information out of him because clearly Olrox has seen there's more than meets the eye. Especially when Mizrak drops the line "when the world abandons you." Olrox's investment is also now our investment in discovering who Mizrak is.

Mizrak however, does not want to get personal feelings in the way of duty, a common trope in media for knights, soldiers, and religious people. So he shuts him out.

Multiple.

Times.

This shot pans up, moving Olrox from lying down, which is more casual to more structured sitting pose. Specific movement is IMPORTANT to capture, so instead of just cutting to another shot, you move the camera with it. There's a tone shift. We need to see him go from lounging to making a very direct statement. Mizrak is ignoring his question so Olrox has to be more blunt with his statement because he needs him to listen- so the camera and the his body language have to clearly state "I'm not joking or fucking around anymore, just listen."

What he says is absolute truth though, this is exactly what happens in episode 08. "They're revolutionaries, Father. We're here to crush them."

The stark difference here is crazy in this medium shot.

Mizrak. His head is purposely cut off, he's practically clothed, with his chain mail on. He's standing up and his posing is quite stiff with his hands almost balled into fists. You also might be thinking, why is his chest and boxers the only things we see???? It makes him appear so much more clothed up and, therefore a lot more guarded. Cutting off the face means we don't get to see his emotions, he's trying to ignore personal feelings on whether it's right or not.

Olrox on the other hand, is full body, we see his face, naked, and despite his very direct statement in the last shot, he still somewhat casually sitting. Olrox is STILL trying to get Mizrak to be vulnerable and trying to get HIS opinion.

Funnily enough, I've talked about this close up shot before in BOTH episode 06 and episode 08's breakdowns. However, I've never actually discussed this initial way Olrox approaches him.

Olrox again, prods at Mizrak and this time Mizrak does have to sit with that thought. "Do you think he's right?" "Are you sure this path is right?" He's asking if what Mizrak is doing is good. If the horrors committed are justifiable. Both the way their expressions tell us that Mizrak does not think it is, and Olrox KNOWS. This close-up is INTIMATE. We're getting deep into personal matters (well try)

Side profiles not only give an air of drama to a scene, but it usually means there's more to the bigger picture since we're not seeing a person's full face. We're deliberately only seeing one side of the picture.

This is a split-second shot and I've discussed it briefly in another breakdown, but now I can get to discuss it more in-depth now as it's own shot!

This is a top-down shot, putting these characters in a place of vulnerability and weakness. Olrox is put even lower than Mizrak in this shot, he's far smaller and takes up less space in this shot, therefore giving him less presence and less power. Episode 03 had established Olrox was the man (or should I say vampire) in control of the situation, hell, the shot just before this one had Olrox wrapping around Mizrak, again trying to get under his skin. Yet now he's suddenly placed the lowest in the power dynamic.

Not only this, the camera is packed in so tightly and close, it's practically suffocating. We have no visual room to breathe, almost like we're suffocated with the evil that prevails in the world and suffocated with the weight of the question "Are you sure this path is right?". Olrox's eyes are the only aspect we see of his face and Mizrak's eyes are the main focus of this shot.

And they both look horrifically sad. An emotion we have not seen either of these characters make.

This shot does not last long but it shifts the rest of the section completely, even when the moment of concern is gone. It lingers with us when dismissed because it does not match any other scene we've had thus far or what we have known of the characters.

This one specific close-up is very important because it comes back to us in episode 08 and episode 06.

It's the holding from behind and the very concerned look from behind. Mizrak only ends up mirroring ONE of the behaviors. It's the concerned look from behind in episode 06 (timestamp is 19:25). They're put at the same heights, both talking about the evils of the world. Tin foil hat here, Mizrak may end up doing the other behavior, holding from behind, in another season.

The weight of this shot is so heavy that it is treated so differently amongst all of the other shots in this entire interaction. It also holds on for much longer. It holds for 5 seconds. This is important. There are little character moments from Olrox, like how Olrox looks up at him and he holds onto Mizrak as long as he can before has has to let go and watch him walk away. Duty, before desire.

A moment that Olrox has to go through once again for episode 08.

In response to a line. "So we use our heads." Olrox jokingly goes "Or lose them."

This long shot is not only tilted up but it's on the slightest of angles as if to showcase how we're shifting the mood and tone of the scene. We are losing the gentleness and sincerity of the moment, back to the very conveniently placed knee to censor Olrox. We have Mizrak pulling up his pants. Whatever vulnerability they had, it's gone.

I don't think either of them wants to sit in the thought of their existential crisis because not only Mizrak is clearly going through one but Olrox is too. While I'm sure they were sitting with their own thoughts for a long while before meeting each other, it's only forced to be on the forefront and confronted after meeting each other.

So the "lose our heads" line ends up coming back around to where someone actually ends up losing their head in the same episode.

While first, it is very comical because I've seen so many people make the joke of "Olrox gave Mizrak head" (which doesn't help because Olrox smirks at him after passing him the head), it also solidifies Olrox's truths to Mizrak. People will lose their heads under Ezerbet, and there is evidence not even hours after their discussion. Despite the humor, Olrox is deeply concerned.

Olrox is always right. Whenever he makes a statement, he has always been right and has always been proven right. The only thing he hasn't been right about is episode 08 when he says "If you go back, she'll kill you." However, in terms of technicality, Mizrak hasn't gone back to Ezerbet/Sekmet. This will be addressed in season 02 most likely and even then I think Olrox will be proven wrong. Maybe? We shall see LOL.

Which while we're at it:

He eyes Mizrak the ENTIRE time during this very small interaction, and while he eyes him, we get a close-up of the book somewhat revealed before hiding it under his coat- silently communicating to him. This will eventually lead to episode 06. All interactions lead to effecting the next time they meet. I just really like this detail, though that might be a corn plate moment I'm not sure HAHAHA

Ok lets jump back to the bed scene!

So this follows up the "So we use our heads." "Or lose them."

This is said insincerely, so Mizrak jabs back at him with the same insincereity and less seriousness of this scene. Coupled with the fact we have a panning shot of Mizrak pulling his pants up, aka, pulling up his guard. Important note again- his back is STILL FACING HIM. Even with the chainmail fully covering him.

Also, I just really enjoy the animation here, like the way his arm goes from in front of him and straight, and then goes to being pulled back and bent, but that's a side tangent.

Low-angle tilted down shot. It ends up placing Olrox in a lower position of power than Mizrak in this current interaction, coupled with the fact that Mizrak towers over Olrox when he's standing up.

Despite us not seeing much of Mizrak besides his chest- he's fully clothed with his tunic FACING Olrox. While Olrox is STILL naked. Mizrak is shielding himself behind the cross. His faith. Olrox still is trying to delve into Mizrak's vulnerabilities and Mizrak won't give in.

Props to everyone who worked on this shot he just looked really pretty here.

This shot is tilted up and a close-up, an opposite shot to the previous one. It feels daunting, coupled with that line especially. Unlike a tilted-down shots, which make a character appear more vulnerable and weak, a tilted-up shot can make a character feel more in control of the scene. It makes him appear unwavering and solid in his stance Also, this is so specific but we haven't had any solely focused Mizrak shots for a hot moment now. The last time we had it was when he had his back turned to Olrox- now he has all his clothes on and is fully turned towards Olrox. Say it with me !! Mizrak's guard is up !! He's shielding his vulnerability !!

He feels way more emotionally safer to face him guarded up and a lot of his language has very very subtly shifted from when he had clothes on versus off.

Also thank you to everyone who worked on this shot, Olrox is very pretty here too.

Instead of having a tilted-down shot to do a verse version of Mizrak, it's pretty much straight forward close-up shot, which means the equal power dynamic in this conversation has returned. Simply because Olrox begins to prod at Mizrak again with the line "Who pays for it? Will you?"

Oop naked Olrox. However, despite Olrox's ass being very clearly on display, he's not the main focus since his face isn't shown. He's only here to showcase the visual contrast of him being naked to a fully clothed Mizrak. Even his dagger is strapped to his thigh, which only means there's even more layers to his protective bubble he surrounds himself in.

This close-up is important because it's a declaration of how much Mizrak doesn't care in the slightest. His facial performance, aka what we're focused on, doesn't look like he's lying or secretly worried either, he's genuinely disinterested. He just wants to get dressed and leave because Olrox keeps prodding at HIM for his opinions. As disinterested as he is for whatever Olrox has to say, he's disinterested in shedding his opinion.

This midshot is so casual. He is very non-nonchalantly leaning back with a smile and jokes about demons. The camera moves with Olrox. Camera pans normally mean revealing new information visually, as if something is off camera, similar to the bed reveal at the beginning of this whole scene. What Olrox is doing is revealing new information. Also, he is on the very right of the screen then slowly gets pushed a little more towards the center, but still on the right. Having a character placed on the very cusp of a stage makes the visual balance feel really off, therefore as an audience, we feel really off-balance. So couple that with Olrox's humourous attitude with an information dump...

This so interesting because it sprinkles in that Olrox knows a lot about the forge master ability, hell itself, and a lot more we don't get privy to. He knows way more then he lets on.

This ONE LINE gets three different shots. The very casual, humorous sentiment gets interrupted visually with extreme close-ups of Mizrak who is clearly peeved and tense about this. The quick succession of jumping to different images makes us tense up. This is due to the timing suddenly speeding up AND where the camera is placed is so drastically different.

He's reacting to the conversation unlike how he has before.

Now Mizrak's hands are fully covered, the last part of his skin, the last part that Olrox used in an attempt for vulnerability. Mizrak's guard is now unwavering, covered head to toe. He's gone from reserved and quiet to angrily guarding again.

Lol you thought I was done talking about divides and boxes, you are WRONG.

Mizrak is boxing himself into all his preconceived notions of religion. This is the only time he's been aligned inside of the door frame. Mizrak is done with this conversation and he doesn't want to hear anything else.

Also, funnily enough- Olrox takes up the amount of space in this shot as to Mizrak and the door. Compositional it does make it feel more filled up rather than empty, showcasing Olrox is listening, peeved, but he is listening. It also might hark onto the Olrox God connections that are being subtly slid to us, though this feels like a slight stretch. There's a stronger Olrox God parallel I talk about later, so pocket that thought!

I have to skip some of the shots because of the image limitation, but thought this one needed to be addressed!

Not only does this wide shot make us feel really pulled away and disconnected from whatever private conversation they were having. It also makes us feel like after this interaction, whatever same understanding they had, is gone (well not completely gone, it has to be rebuilt again). Mizrak's unrelenting faith in one God is causing a rift, a divide if you will between the both of them. They feel so separated, so distant from each other because Mizrak is still really stubborn.

Then after all is said and done. After Mizrak has the final say. He leaves and Olrox watches. Like episode 08. Again.

Olrox is pushed into a box, which funnyily enough, Olrox tends to be seen in a lot of boxed-up framing to the right of the screen. You can see a visual collection of it here. Whenever he's from the left of the screen boxed up, it's usually turned towards himself like an inner reflection.

Ok, I have to skip some more shots to get to here.

"One God. And you think he can protect you?"

This is major foreshadowing but the one God, that Olrox scoffs about is himself. This close-up solely focuses on how he looks down and watches Mizrak from above. Much like how God is described in scripture.

Psalm 53:2 NIV: God looks down from heaven on all mankind to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God.

Psalm 102:19 NIV: The Lord looked down from his sanctuary on high, from heaven he viewed the earth,

Olrox looking at Mizrak from above as a protector happens numerous times in episode 08.

There are also a ton of bible verses about living under the shadow of God, it's considered a positive thing because God's shadow covers the entire body, therefore a person is fully protected.

Psalms 91:1-2 NIV: Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

Psalm 36:7 ESV: How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

(i do realize now all my examples are psalms i hope that's ok to prove a point LOLOL)

Olrox is the sole protector of Mizrak to the point where he even drags him away for his own safety. The shot choice when he says it is a close-up shot of his face and his eye is slightly glowing, making him appear way more supernatural, almost god-like in a way.

It hasn't been confirmed (or denied for that matter) if Olrox's creature form is the Quetzalcoatl (an Aztec deity), but the god parallels are very apparent from the get-go, and a lot of the fandom (aka the audience) who are invested in Castlevania have placed this label onto him not only for the reasons mentioned above BUT also due to his association to Mizrak, who is a man who fights for God. However, this aspect doesn't get fleshed out like their vulnerability because Olrox only goes into this protector role at the very end of the season. After all, that is when he has a change of heart, much like Mizrak. This means this will not be the last time we will see Olrox in this role even after the break-up.

To wrap this up, vulnerability as showcased in episode 04 does appear in episodes 03, 06, and 08! I personally believe though that episode 04 however really hammers you on the head with it because you're able to play around with someone's literal nakedness as a visual metaphor. This episode is supposed to make you really conscious of them and the decisions they decide to make going forward. It is the bridging point between episode 03 and episode 06. It's a stab in the heart when you watch episode 08.

Vulnerability and the ability to open up is a massive thing between these characters and it's only going to get more raw and more human as the series goes on. We see it happen when Olrox is the one to open up first. One thing I noticed from both Castlevania and Castlevania: Nocturne is that love can be the most damning thing or it can save you. The choice, however, is up to you. However, to love is choosing to be vulnerable. By the way, love isn't just romantic it can be very much platonic and familial as seen with practically all the characters, both current and past... Olrox and Mizrak though are just really complicated and messy. Aren't all characters though? Isn't that what makes them human, even if they've lost it centuries ago? HAHAHASBDHADSB

(ok so the paragraphs below is my personal opinion but i think they're a good ending note/side tangent)

If we ever actually get an explicit scene it's going to make a specific commentary on how these characters have developed from season 1 to whatever season they have sex in, especially how they go about sequencing, pacing, and shot choices, especially with Netflix censoring and rating requirements. Limited things you can show, and limited things you're allowed to even imply, so everything has to make sense to what they want to portray AND say. Even simplicity requires a lot of thought. They can do some really cool stuff with it in which vulnerability, both physical and emotional, gets explored between Olrox and Mizrak. Sex is actually a very interesting way to explore a dynamic, I feel it's really underutilized, though it's mostly in part to a societal downpour view on it. With Mizrak and Olrox, two very withdrawn characters, you could say something really interesting about them as individuals and as a pair that you might not be able to do when clothed. The commentary may be as simple or as profound as the creatives behind this want it to be.

A counterpoint though is that you can very easily make a non-explicit scene feel really explicit and sensual without sex or kissing. While yes, we want confirmation through that means, don't get me wrong I love when queer love is straight-up told to us, there's something about telling a story of intimacy between characters that will often engage us first into a story. Phrases like "This is gayer than gay sex" are coined due to the emotional connection a character has, leaving a far more profound impact on an audience. Things like non-explicitly romantic touches like hands, the way the character looks at a person, communication, etc etc, are ways countless media have explored intimacy. Which Mizrak and Olrox already have. Why not build upon a solid foundation?

Whatever the pathway is, it will fit inside the themes of Nocturne and its aspects of revolution, freedom, and choice which is crazy to think "Olrox and Mizrak intimate scene??? meaning-" YES, it can (like sexual freedom, though I don't think it would be explored, it's just cool to think about). All of their scenes serve to strengthen those show's themes since they're a side plot. But I digress! I'm excited to see how they further Mizrak and Olrox's dynamic in a visual manner!

Okay, with that all said, I'm done with episode 04! One more episode to go! This was all for fun and to be silly about a show I really enjoy, but I hope this gets you to rewatch Nocturne! Apply this to other scenes! Enjoy the craft of animation!!

[beefscrap]

I say “maybe someday” but I get scared someday never will come. So I’ll be brave and speak

“A dream come true” is a phrase I’ve said here before, but that doesn’t even graze the surface. I’ve been writing stories and drawing since I was very young. It’s all I’ve ever done. And for years, one of my biggest wishes was to collect a fanbase for at least one of my stories. Calling my followers a “fanbase” seems really intense, though. I hesitate to call my readers a fanbase because I don’t feel I deserve it. “Fanbase” feels like it’s for someone who made something AMAZING.

I started making TBoFS at the beginning of this year. I’d work on it whenever I got sad, and it turned out to be often. It was just for fun, and something to escape to. Every time I make a story I think to myself ‘I’m sure it’ll pass’, because they usually do. It’s hard for me to finish things in general. So, I thought nothing much would come of it. I never would’ve imagined it’d get as much attention as it does.

No, maybe it’s not a LOT. No way in hell I’d call myself popular, or anything CLOSE. But there are people now who comment, react, interact, theorize, make art, etc for this story. I’ve never felt so special. I never felt like anything I’ve done ended up with any significance. Even if it’s a small amount compared to other online creators, I feel like I have a fanbase. If it’s not considered one, I don’t care. To me it’s one of the biggest, most important things that happened to me. If you couldn’t tell I was dramatic before, you’re finding out now!

I started with low hopes and just made shit for fun. This doesn’t even feel like a very GOOD story half the time because it was so casual at the start. Like, what am I doing to deserve what I have?

I still come to this story and these characters when I’m sad. This year was rough. The people here have helped. And I have a little bit of hope now that someday I can make something totally my own that people will like. That’s always been the dream. But THIS is more than enough.

I’m so lucky to have people who care here. And I thank the people who cared when it was only just beginning, too

I’m not gonna add tags or anything cuz I feel annoying and am a little embarrassed 😭 if you see and read this then hopefully it wasn’t too weird

[aithusarosekiller]

I saw your Jegulus post about them not being the typical teenage romance and can I just give you a double high five in agreement! I then HAD to find one of many moments I've written for them which exemplify this and share it with you. And this one is the one I settled on. Remus' POV, year five for the Marauders, year four for Regulus. Context is, this is the first time Remus has spent time with James and Regulus together after discovering their secret relationship. It's James' birthday and Lily wants James occupied all day so she can prep for his party. Lily also knows about James and Regulus BTW, makes contextual sense in the story (Sirius does not know, doesn't apply to this scene though).

Hope you enjoy. :)

>>><<<

There were people who loved each other, like Remus loved Sirius. He would have handed Sirius his body, heart, and soul. He loved him with every ounce of his being. And yet… There were people who loved each other, and then there was James and Regulus.

Remus could think of no other way to describe it. They weren’t two hearts beating for each other. They were the void between heartbeats. They occupied the infinitesimal moment as an inhale became an exhale. They were two people, who shared a single soul. And being around them was both intoxicating and strange. Remus felt like if he breathed too hard in their direction he’d mess with their air, which was exactly perfect between them as their breaths mingled. For surely two people so melded would only breathe the air of the other. And then they would poke fun at each other and their aura would brighten, literally bringing each into sharper visual focus, before it blurred again as they melted back into each other. 

They didn’t even have to be touching (though they nearly always were) for this phenomenon to take place. And for half the day Remus thought he was merely groggy from the Pamoja wielding. He thought his brain was sending him confused signals as he watched James and Regulus be James and Regulus. 

But a massive lunch, plenty of teenage goofing off, and exploring the surrounding forest left him with a very clear mind and the same mental signals. At which point Remus decided James and Regulus were an exhibition in their own category of relationship, absolutely unique to them. Love was not the word he would use to describe them. It was so much more. They filled the spaces no one else even noticed. And it merged their existence into a single organism. 

It was fucking intense. 

After they parted ways, as James and Remus continued up to the castle together, Remus said tentatively, “hey, so is it always like that?”

“What do you mean?” asked James absently. 

“Er, do you really not know.”

James glanced over at him. “It’s always like that, yeah.”

“Bloody hell.” Remus couldn’t get a good read on James’ face for they were walking side by side, but he thought James might be smiling. “I knew he had to be something special and way more substantial than he looks to withstand your affection, but Godric James. I don’t even know what to call that. I’m not sure it’s physically sustainable.”

“He’s my star.”

“Mate, he’s your fucking universe.”

James playfully threw out an elbow and definitely didn’t look at Remus. 

“What can I say, we are infinite. Don’t look so scandalized, you and Sirius aren’t so different.”

“No, we are very different. We exist in the physical world James. You two are already way out there in your own orbit.”

“See why I can’t lose him.”

They took several paces before Remus spoke.

“James, I’m scared for you. That kind of connection has to be dangerous.”

“Want to stop and have a smoke?”

“Took the words right out of my mouth mate.”

<3

JUST REMEMBERED I HAD THIS IN MY INBOX FOR AGES I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO RESPOND TO THIS

But honestly it's one of my favourite things about them, the poetic quality makes it feel like they're finding each other again just when they need it at the same time as we're finding them when WE need it, you know?

That's so real though, the idea of the two of them being able to almost spiritually feed off of each other's presence is so true. Like existence is centred around them for a moment. They take over everything.

And it's probably bad in the long run but it's so beautiful that the pain is okay. Because without all of the painful bits, were the good parts really all that valuable?

Also I love your style, it feels real and almost factual if that makes sense? Even when you're describing metaphysical aspects the certainty gives a strong feeling of truth and rationality. I like it.

[red-carter]

Giving Thanks

Now, I've seen my friends and their posts and replying. I wanted to make my own because I know that this one is going to be pretty long. At least, I have an idea that it's going to be pretty long. I won't be able to tag everyone, seeing as I don't know everyone's tumblrs and such like that. There's also going to be some not tags because I'd be too scared to actually tag these people.

I'm so very very thankful for everyone who's come into my life in the last year. I'm thankful to those who've been in my life for several years. My bestest sibs who won't likely see this for the many years that I've been with them, since first grade, middle school, beginning of high school and everyone in between. Those who I call family (not blood related), because you, and everyone I'm about to mention, have helped me in so many ways. As well as just because I'm so happy to have met you. Even if this is just for a season, long or short, I'm so glad to have made the friends and family that I've come across. Who've just been chill, or been there for us.

Thank you @imaginethat0327 for being an inspiration and being the person who helped me step out of my scared and anxious lil bubble I'd created around myself. You're such a lovely person, and I really look forward to our talks, no matter how long apart they are from the last one. Also big thanks to Livie because they've also been such a joy to have met and chat with. Always look forward to our chats <3 Through them I've also met @nyxcentury who's just as lovely. Though we've not talked too much, always love seeing you around. Same goes with Tipthewaitress (dunno their tumblr, so I hope that they see this), and the other lovelies of the Rescue Fire discord server.

@cat-in-the-desert .... I... There's so many things I'm thankful for from you. I'm so thankful that we got to meet, and that you've been such a wonderful friend to the point I consider you one of my closest friends. Genuinely. You're such a lovely person, always looking forward to our chats and hangouts <3

Really quickly, I'm so thankful to have come across @\nightdreamdraws art and animatics, and her AUs... They're so cool and I always look forward to any new art or ideas that they share. Cherrifire with seeing her creative take on the life series, and the amazing things they've done in this community. Magnifique! (Wish I could properly spell that word, apologies if it's wrong, or has no accents, I'm just trying to be wholesome here.... :)) There's so many others, their animatics, art, animations, edits, that I'm so thankful that I've gotten to see because everyone is amazing! I swear-!!! <3 <3 <3 <3

@ezzriin stares and blinks with an ever growing smile You're a lovely lil guy that I'm so grateful to have met. I wanna squish you /pos. I might have to DM you another paragraph I swear— So lovely, and a wonderful chaotic gremlin that I hold dear in my heart.

@foxhunter350 I would write a full paragraph if I could right now, but I'm trying to keep these short.... I'm thankful to have met you. Getting to write ideas and such with you has been such a blast, looking forward to more with you mate. So very grateful to have you in my life. /gen

@nine-of-diamonds, @1watermelontea, @crabbri stares blankly at you three You're all so amazing, I'm thankful that I came across Chasing The Horizon Line and got to meet you. The butterfly affect is something I think about constantly, and so thankful for in this situation. The chaos and fun that we've all had, I cherish it with my whole heart. Thank you for the amazing series to read and the fun times we've had and will have in the future. (please leave me out of this big ass polycule, not professing my love to you lot just yet, again.... /vsilly)

@writingwithaglassquill Quilly, Eilly, my beautiful darling of a muse? /silly /lh /p Lmao, sorry, that was a weird way to start this. I'm thankful to you, and I know I've told you this many times, but I'm forever grateful for coming across your story IHTH because it really gave me the urge to want to write again. You've done so much, you're a fabulous person, and I'm so glad to have met someone like you. A steady head to keep me from just completely sinking. (this is me professing my love /vsilly /j /p) Genuinely so thankful to have met you when I did, looking forward to the future ahead.

@gildedmicah18 Meka-Meka... Darling Micah. /vsilly /lh /p You're such a wonderful person to chat with, always looking forward to our chats. Thankful to have you in my life you amazing cutie you! (Really really wanna squish you and also may or may not see you as a little sibling.)

@nyxtheeclipse Hai. You're a cutie. <3 .... Yes, I was tempted to just leave it at that. My bad XD Anywooooo!~ Thankful to you Nyx for everything you've done. You're an amazing person, love you lots mate! Very creative, and always looking forward to what you make and share!

@yourfavouritevigilante (hoping this tags.... it's being funky) You're such a lovely individual, along with your system. We all love you. You're all like siblings to us and we're so very very thankful to have met you Tobes. Genuinely, we're always looking forward to getting to chat or hang out with you lot. So fun to joke with, or pick fun with each other or stopping fights (like earlier XD). Genuinely though, and I may say this far too much, we love you so very much. See you like a little sibling for reals. Or child, depending on if it's us, or Impy, Skizzy, and Jess. So grateful to have gotten to know you and hang out with you lots, squishing you all. (except those who don't like getting hugs which is a-okay)

@peridot-the-kitten .... Okay, I genuinely forgot the words I was going to start off with XD. I love that I've just confused you in CTHL hahahahah. I'm so thankful to have met you Lain. You're a lovely and creative individual that now? I can't believe you scared me before XD. Grateful to have met you, and gotten to know you. So many jokes and fun has been had, and you've been a wonderful grounding point in lots of stuff that's happened as well. Always looking forward to our chats and hangout sesses.... sessions.... Love you lots!!! (totally professing my love /vsilly /j /p)

@moonstarsongs You're a darling sweetheart of an angst lover. You've been such a wonderful friend and lovely individual to chat with. So very thankful to have met you and that I get to chat with you whenever we can (since different time schedules and whatnot). <3 <3 <3

@archaic-dragon You're very lovely, so glad that we've gotten to chat and whatnot. Seriously, so very thankful. You're amazing, got so much creativity, it's been wonderful to get to hang out and whatnot. Always looking forward to chats with you or gaming and such. Thank you Arcy!

@will-falling-fell Haven't chatted with you too much, at least that I'm thinking back on. But you're a sweetheart from what I can remember. I see you chatting with the others in CTHL and stuff, and it always brings a smile to our face. Grateful to have met you, even if we don't talk much right now, hoping to get to chat with you more in the future. <3 <3 <3 <3

@tinydekuscrub Hai darling! Love you lots. So very grateful to have met you. Pretty sure I say this almost anytime we chat really. You're a lovely person, and we love chatting with you and everyone else. Thanks for dealing with our smart and dumbass XD, and looking forward to all future chats and hangouts. (Guys, I swear, I'm too gay for this person, I really really wanna write more XD)

There's still many more people I could write out thanks for, but for now, I think it's best that this be it for a bit. Again, thank you to everyone who we've gotten to meet, who's given us ideas, given us new life and fun things to look forward to. Lots of good times in the future. Here's to another year of fun and laughter and even in the not-so-good-times, love you all so much!

[chaosstuffsstuff]

Idk about the season two stuff, but I have thoughts about season three:

I HATE hate hate hate when people say Cat King should be used as a way for Edwin to become comfortable enough with himself to date Charles. It almost makes Payneland a notp for me. If it's that situation, that's just crap writing. No one should be used like that, even in a story. I hate it.

Aside from that, Charles already basically said no to Edwin. In my mind, that means it should be final. I don't care if he suddenly realizes he loves Edwin in a romantic way- that's just a sucky thing to do to someone. Let Edwin realize his first real crush doesn't have to be who he ends up with- that's NORMAL. That's HEALTHY.

I don't really have a problem with Charles and Edwin as a concept- I originally said I'd be okay with either outcome- but sticking Edwin with his first crush forever (literally) would damage his character. Him and Charles started as essentially mentor/mentee, then they became friends/mates, then brothers. They shouldn't become a romance after one of them already indicated rejection to the other.

Edwin should be allowed to move on and place his romantic love elsewhere. Even if Charles suddenly realizes he was wrong, that's not fair to Edwin. Even if Edwin doesn't end up with CK, he shouldn't end up with Charles. It's fun to ruminate on what that could be, the fanfics are amazing and definitely worth reading, but it shouldn't become canon.

Saying "there's no one more important to Edwin" is locking him in a box. Sure, Charles will always be his first love and his most important, but that doesn't mean he can't date someone else.

As an example from another fandom, this situation reminds me of Steve and Robin from Stranger Things. While they're portrayed (in fandom especially, for this example I'm focusing on that) as being each other's Person and most important, they're never going to date. Even though Steve confessed, Robin wasn't interested. She's a lesbian. With Dead Boy Detectives, it's flipped. Even though Edwin confessed, Charles wasn't interested. He's straight, as far as we/he knows and he hasn't indicated any feelings for Edwin that couldn't be just brotherly. Like Stobin, they're each other's Most Important, but it isn't romantic.

Sorry to go off, but this is just so frustrating to me. I hope this all made sense.

Also, as a general to everyone who's gotten this far, please stop posting how much you don't think Catwin (or any other ship) is going to happen under those ship tags- you can put it under any other ship tag for the fandom or even the characters, but if you're tagging a post about how a ship is impossible as that ship, that tag is filled with just that and it's very frustrating.

(I'm tagging this Payneland because I'm sleep deprived (it's WAY too late (early?) for this) and petty, do as I say not as I do lol)

season 1 ended with both Crystal and Edwin being interested in Charles.

for me season 2 would have ended with him "losing" both. Charles choosing to let Crystal go and live her human life, and Edwin having his "adult experiences" with the cat king.

of course in a hypotetical season 3 we could have got payneland togheter. Because as much as i love catwin, i really feel no other person can be more important to Edwin that Charles. Its just how it is...

[forgettable-au]

FORGETTABLE-AU (Page 61-64)

* I-I don't think we were talking about the same thing...

[BEGINNING] [PREVIOUS] [CONTINUE]

[lucabyte]

i'm so curious about your character gender reads now tho 👀👀

(You enter the kitchen and see me, eating shredded cheese out of the fridge by the handful)

(I turn around to face you.)

Hi. Do you want me to sell you on amab NB Siffrin? I'm going to try and sell you on amab NB Siffrin. And maybe even a little bit of tranfem siffrin and/or loop. as a treat. just for you.

So, (I put the cheese back in the fridge.)

This read of mine comes from a number of things, a lot of them to do with the game's themes, and to do with Siffrin being a narrative foil to the other characters. And Vaugarde as a whole.

(READMORE WARNING: THIS IS LIKE 6K WORDS LONG. YOU ALL SHOULD KNOW BY NOW I DON'T MAKE POSTS WITHOUT UNCONSCIOUNABLE AMOUNTS OF EVIDENCE AND EXPLANATION. IF ANYTHING I'M BEING RESTRAINED HERE. THUMBS UP.)

(Pre-readmore note: this is in response to me having given an analysis of how I personally percieve Sifloop in relation to asexuality and shipping. Which you can look at here. (x))

It is however, not what my like, no-holds-barred no-rules just-for-me headcanon for Siffrin would be. (which is intersex 'head empty no thoughts' siffrin, for the record). This is instead my close-reading-of-the-text-and-themes interpretation of Siffrin. This is why I'm gonna be saying Read and not Headcanon, to distinguish the two. (Anything I consider a little bit too much of a stretch vis a vis interpretive hard reads I will call a headcanon. But those are for the last bit of this post.)

Unlike *gestures at mass media* All That… ISAT is already packed to the gills with queer rep, to the point where I feel no need to grasp at straws and make overextended reaches into obviously unintended subtext. Like with, y'know, most media. Since here, the subtext isn't unintended. Like this isn't a Transfem Metal Sonic or Aroace Ash Ketchum situation where I know none of the evidence is on purpose and I'm just having fun making a conspiracy theory pinboard out of it. This is like… There's intentionality there. And I want to engage with it on its level, see what the text itself suggests. It's my personal preferred method of expressing deep respect to a text. (Not that it has to be anyone else's, obviously. This is just my way of showing I love a work.)

So yeah, I am, in general, very interested in hearing hard-fought arguments when it comes to interpreting texts. I'm glad ISAT has a lot to pick at here, and so, I will. (and since not a lot of texts ever have anywhere near this kind of depth in this arena, i don't wanna squander it… i'll try and keep my own biases as in check as i can, and already have done by hashing quite a bit of this interpretation out with two people of very different gender identities to mine. To put it mildly, binary-aligned or transfem I am very squarely Not.)

(Now that the cheese bag has been removed from the equation, I drop this framing device, sit you down at the table and begin to dredge up evidence from below it.)

Okay, so. What are my like… Core reasonings here? I think I can split it into three categories. Broadly, with an amount of overlap, so bear with me…

SIFFRIN AS A FOIL AND CONTRAST TO MIRABELLE, ISABEAU AND THE CHANGE RELIGION AS A WHOLE.

SIFFRIN'S HABITS OF CLINGING TO 'KNOWN QUANTITIES', SCAPEGOATS, AND THEMES OF RACIAL IDENTITY INTERSECTING WITH GENDER IDENTITY.

SIFFRIN, LOOP, DE-PERSONING, DEHUMANISING, APATHY AND SURVIVAL.

Okay so up top I'm going to split my argument for Siffrin's gender identity Present and Future here. This means, for now, I'm arguing for AMAB NB Siffrin alone. The transfem stuff is for later (and more for loop, in my mind, too).

I have a few direct observations of the text here that set things up. Here are the things in-game that make me assume that Siffrin, as of the start of the game, has not yet undergone any radical change to their identity in their life. Not on purpose, at least. These are ordered in a messy but logical flow, so uh, try and keep up. I'll synthesise at the end. I Prommy.

SIFFRIN AS A FOIL AND CONTRAST TO MIRABELLE, ISABEAU AND THE CHANGE RELIGION AS A WHOLE.

CHANGE & THE UNIVERSE: PERCEIVED OPPOSITES

When interacting with most objects in the Changing Room in the house, they express a genuine curiosity toward body craft. It seems they are legitimately unfamiliar with it on a deeper level than having simply heard of it.

Despite this curiosity (explicitly stating they've previously wondered about it), they dismiss it as too much work early on in the game. These points combined seem to suggest to me that they have never previously sought out any kind of real change to their appearance or identity. Either for gender reasons, or other body dysmorphia reasons. (Which, despite the dismissal, they do refer to their body as a 'meat prison', which is not particularly positive) However...

This changes in Act 3. In acts 3 and 4 they flatly state: "You're thinking about crafting your body. You seem to have all the time in the world now." While still never spoken aloud, their declining mental state corrosponds with a worn-down, almost nihilistic reckoning with the feelings they masked with the 'meat prison' joke in act 2.

[Image: Interactions with the change craft textbook in acts 2 and 3/4.]

In talking to Mirabelle, they are very self assured that one can stay the same/be comfortable with their born identity. They also seem a little unsettled by the change religion's flippancy in general, which makes sense, as they have been clinging to the famliar (even when painful) to cope with other traumas. (More on this later, section 2)

The Universe Faith appears to heavily disincentivise Wanting for oneself and other expressions of Free Will due to safeguarding against Wish craft. This seems to have impacted Siffrin's mental state majorly, even if they do not recognise it. The followers of the faith are (if Siffrin is to be believed) incentivised to 'go with the flow' and take paths of least resistance, and those that DO make big decisions will tend to justify things as being The Universe's Will. (See: The King's entire Modus Operandi, and the way Loop (and Siffrin) do the same rote actions, constructing worldviews (the play analogy, the Universe's Will) and justify that as what the Universe Would Want (despite a total lack of evidence to prove as such)) As such, it seems as if a follower of this faith as neurotic as Siffrin would be unlikely to act upon any Wants to Change Themselves without a lot of turmoil and backwards-justification. (Of note, Loop's forcible change coinciding with a dropping of pronoun. But that is again for later, section 3) As of the start of the game, they do not appear to have broached this kind of turmoil directly.

[Image: Act 5 interaction with the star journal, emphasis on it being a cautionary tale against reckless usage of wish craft, instilled so deeply to be a children's bedtime story]

Siffrin, in act 5, grows frustrated with both The Universe and The Change God, feeling abandoned by the former. They struggle with simultaneously anthropomorphising the Universe as a cruel onlooker, while also seemingly acknowledging them as a cold, almost scientific fact of nature. This would heavily imply that the 'blame' put upon the Universe by Siffrin in these moments is known to them, at least a little, to be potentially meaningless. It seems that somewhere in Siffrin's belief system is something, be it the core or merely a creeping worry, that the Universe is not a thinking, feeling, thing. And thus that their invocations of "The Universe's Will" are merely rationalisations of random chance and consequence. This is in DIRECT contrast to the Change God, proven to be an emotive sapient entity, who merely refuses to offer a helping hand. (Similar sentiments are, too, spoken by the Change God itself.)

[Images: Interacting with the window in the observatory in act 5, text from the change god meeting]

So. These are the bulk of my observations when it comes to how Siffrin is positioned in contrast to the Change Belief. It would seem to be that Siffrin, inkeeping with their role as an outsider, is a complete fish out of water in Vaugarde's change-centric world. This makes sense! It makes them a compelling foil to the Vaugardians in our cast, and allows the Vaugardians to challenge Siffrin's worldviews merely by existing. It also, more importantly, makes Siffrin an interesting lens through which to inspect our two most Change-driven characters. Mirabelle and Isabeau.

MIRABELLE.

Mirabelle and Siffrin's differing faiths are put on display the most frequently. Interactions like the circle key and the party's disbelief of Siffrin's facts about the stars make this clear. These interactions other Siffrin from the group further, and are another avenue through which Siffrin can ignore their own needs, not communicating with the party and allowing them to dismiss things he deems important.

Obviously, the friendquest is primarily about Mirabelle's struggle with her aromanticism and asexuality. But there's an implicit undercurrent of gender there too. Mirabelle has never made a big change, not like Isabeau. She has never 'changed completely', by her words. And Siffrin distinctly finds this an odd thing to be worried by. Whatever culture he carries has no pressure to explore these avenues, it seems. Siffrin is able to help her by sharing their honest opinions, that he's never felt the need to change these things, and he's happy (allegedly). Why should she?

[Image: Mirabelle's friendquest text] Siffrin is not thinking particularly hard when he first does the friendquests, they are just being themselves. By positioning Siffrin as this unchanged yet confident object, they are in the perfect position to help Mirabelle by being in her almost exact position, both sexuality and transgender status (albeit, with the caveats of potential alloromanticism, and a they pronoun), that they become her ideal foil. (And in fact, the subtle differences between their positions in canon add to this, showing a display of Perceived Genuine Truth, rather than simple in-group camaraderie)

Whereas…

ISABEAU.

When Mal du pays speaks as Isabeau, it says the following;

"I don't want to know someone who won't even try to change, who luxuriates in things staying the exact same like you do."

I don't want to know someone - Shame of being known, that's Isabeau's insecurity. Reflected back at Siffrin, who has become the worst thing imaginable to each of their friends, in Siffrin's own mind. He absorbs their insecurities like a sponge and incorporates them into himself. Empathy turned ill.

Who luxuriates in things staying the exact same - Now THAT'S interesting. This is not Isabeau's insecurity, it's Siffrin's own. But also, it appears as if, Siffrin, whom to Mirabelle was unflappable in that not changing was alright, has internalised some of her worry. That it is MDP's Isabeau saying this, though, shows this is about Personal Change, perhaps even Specifically Gender and Self Image, rather than Mirabelle's spiritual side.

Isabeau and his distinct change in personality and gender, to become someone who he actually likes… Diametric to Siffrin, who has been stagnant for a long time, presumably as far as they can remember. It would seem to imply they have no recourse against this argument. Siffin becomes, in his mind, the opposite to Isabeau, a man he deeply admires the bravery of when told the story of his Change. These are Siffrin's words against themselves, that they consider themselves to have never even 'tried' whatever it is they think Change to be.

So. These are my main points vis a vis: Siffrin as a foil. This reading would posit that Siffrin's He/They status is, well, almost accidental? Which I would imagine befitting of them. They are, at the start of the game, still the mysterious rogue who never elaborates upon anything. They aren't going to be correcting a they/them from a teammate who is likely far more cautious about assumptions.

Notably, Mirabelle excludes Siffrin from the label "man" in the bathroom monologues… But as does Siffrin when in the prologue poem room. Though one needs remember, Siffrin only expresses these thoughts internally.

[Image: Bathroom conversation featuring Isabeau identified as the party's singular man]

[Image: Prologue!Siffrin expressing that they are not a man in very certain terms.]

While I do wonder what Mirabelle's knowledge (or lack thereof, potentially! Did Siffrin actually divulge this to her, once? Or is she making assumptions again?) is here, this is pretty clear evidence that Siffrin doesn't see themselves As A Man. (that, and Adrienne's word of god "fella" comments). I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this… but.

The thesis here is, that Siffrin may want to explore their gender further; doesn't feel connected to Masculinity, and yet, keeps that He pronoun around? Well, the Universe does not, in Siffrin's mind, really allow for personal wants and desires. If their friends start they/themming them, then cool. They like it, but never requested it, so it's the Universe's will. But, asking? Making decisions and requests and rocking the boat? That seems to scare Siffrin a lot. It seems to scare them so much it causes a lot of, if not all of, the conflict in the game. I feel like it's a fair deduction that this aversion to humour their own desires pervades a lot of their existence.

Plus, I think there's meat there. By only allowing Siffrin to reckon with any potential desires to change only after growing closer with the family, you get to explore things like "How does Mirabelle feel that even the person who said she didn't have to change is changing." and the slightly less potentially harrowing (OR MORE, IF YOU WANT IT TO BE? IDK. I'M NOT YOUR BOSS.) "Isa's continued changing allows Siffrin a space to explore it, maybe even just by proxy, or maybe by joining them."

But mostly, this section is about how Siffrin not having Changed Yet makes them delightfully strong narratively; allowing them to relate to Mirabelle, and get cold feet when comparing themselves to Isabeau. I love this as a narrative strengthener. It's very rare in media that we get to explore a nonbinary character's thoughts and insecurities on whether or not they're "doing enough" to be nonbinary. Even less so Aligned nonbinary people. And reading that alignment and insecurity through the lens of a nonbinary person not fully disconnected from their assigned gender at birth? It's a very compelling exploration of a very common and raw and yet underdiscussed feeling, much like the rest of ISAT. I think this is an extremely potent element should it be read this way, and is only strengthened when taking Siffrin's other themes into account.

Speaking of which.

2. SIFFRIN'S HABITS OF CLINGING TO 'KNOWN QUANTITIES', SCAPEGOATS, AND THEMES OF RACIAL IDENTITY INTERSECTING WITH GENDER IDENTITY.

HOLDING ON TO WHAT YOU KNOW. (OR KNOW THAT YOU DO NOT.)

I explained above many of my thoughts on the Universe Faith, and trying to keep these two sections separate was difficult, but needed to be done for the sake of clarity. But this section and the above are deeply intertwined.

Siffrin… Holds on to the things they know. They do not know much. But man do they fucking hold. And yet, paradoxically, they are also avoidant about it.

It is made clear in the text, to the point where I really don't feel the need to rehash it here, that Siffrin's disconnection from their homeland is incredibly painful, but that they consider that culture utterly and irreplaceably important to them. They cannot face it, it is too painful. They cannot let it go, it is too important.

Knowing what we know of the Island's irl inspirations (though, word of god, the exact location is not supposed to matter, one can infer it from the text (and I did! within reasonable proximity!)), Siffrin is of an indigenous peoples of some description, more than likely. And at the very least, Siffrin carries with them inherent biases and ignorances that show that Vaugarde's conceptions of things don't quite mesh with their own. Bowing to the Vaugardian way of things could very easily be seen as assimilation, in this way.*

And identity? Gender? Presentation? Role? All of that has a cultural element. There's no telling what specifics Siffrin has lost in that arena, and that's the problem. Neither do they. How paralysing, the feeling, to know that should you change yourself you risk unknowingly erasing another piece of home? I wouldn't blame them for locking it off. Keeping their old clothes, keeping what little they can remember of themselves… It doesn't seem to me a conducive or safe mental space to get experimental.

And the Universe makes for a perfect scapegoat. As referenced in the section above, a lot can be justified should you call it "The Universe's Will", because who's there to call you on it? Hardly anyone. Your divine right to Freeze A Place In Time; Your Deserved Punishment for Wanting to be Loved: All of it the Universe-- If you want it to be. And thusly, if the Universe wanted you to be a certain way, wouldn't you already be? Wouldn't it make you so? (Wouldn't it take away your body, that which makes you human? If that is what it thought of you?) So best to put it out of your mind. Wouldn't want to accidentally wish anything.

But as the game itself puts it, personified by The King, you cannot stay mired like this forever. As Loop themselves puts it, they can "get so fixated, sometimes." At some point they need to allow themselves to grow in whatever direction they need, because in the end, they need to live their life. They don't need to abandon their country, their culture, but they can't let it restrain them either.

(* MASSIVE CAVEAT: im white as fuck boyyy. i cant say shit. im like technically Of The Land im like 90% pictish or something ridiculous like that so my particular line has never moved anywhere but. this is notttt something i have input or insight on. this is all gleaned from reading and listening to indiginous perspectives from wherever they may be. i am simply trying to infer from what the game gives us without inserting my own feelings on the matter.)

3. SIFFRIN, LOOP, DE-PERSONING, DEHUMANISING, APATHY AND SURVIVAL.

Alright, here's some less heady and purely-thematic points to round things out. And where we'll also address the fucked up star being in the room; Loop.

My last couple of reading points are the most potentially-transfem to me. Or at least the ones that really hammer home, to me, a seeming lack of want to be masculine-aligned.

ANOTHER NOTE ON THE 'NOT A GUY' THING.

Obviously, there is the aforementioned "Not a man/not that you're a boy" thing. This is rather straightforward, but also still pretty ambiguous. You can be masc-aligned and still Not A Guy. But it does seem to be of note that being a guy very much does not seem to be a goal of Siffrin's. I would posit this in direct contrast to… Isabeau.

But not Isabeau's masculinity. I would instead hold it up against Isa's femininity.

ISAT, as a text, has its characters have genuinely different levels of security in their gender identity, and Isabeau, despite still having insecurities, seems super chill on the gender angle specifically! Their internal strife comes not from their 'not feeling like a man enough' or 'hating being a woman', but instead from their self perception as a friendless nerd! Something that seems to be only tangentially related to Isa's gender, really?

The big dumb bruiser thing is certainly aided by being a dude, but Isa still seems completely comfortable referring to themselves with feminine language, calling himself a "mother hen" (prologue) and having "the heart of a fair maiden" (cookie snack time). (However, they also take being excluded from Mira's girly book club as a surprised compliment, implying they weren't expected to be excluded, and find it affirming.) And even further so, Isa states they want to continue changing further and exploring their identity more, being rather blatant that they might lean back into femininity (and more importantly, let themselves be outwardly smart again), since they're starting to feel hurt by everyone assuming they ARE genuinely stupid.

[Image: Prologue Isa calling himself a mother hen]

And man, this is such a breath of fresh air vis a vis representation. I don't think I really need to explain that. A character who's gender identity is driven by chasing euphoria, even if it started out by trying to drive out misery. Isabeau's character is so damn good. But this essay isn't about him, so get back in the crate, boy.

... So here we have Isa, who is genuinely comfortable reclaiming things about their birth gender, and Mirabelle who loves her traditionally feminine traits to the point where she feels a little guilty that she isn't rejecting them to foster change. And then we have Siffrin… who seems to reject masculine language…? Hrm… (… And then we have The King. A Masculine Title. Someone who Siffrin increasingly sees themselves in and deeply, deeply dislikes this.)

APATHY AND SURVIVAL

It should be clear by now that I see Siffrin's core character as being driven by avoidance and survival. This seems to lead to a lot of apathy, brushing off emotions that are too intense or events and occurences that are too painful. (See: just absolutely everything with Bonnie)

It's all Siffrin really seems to be able to do to Survive. They've travelled, seemingly alone, for what would be around a decade by what the game says about the island's disappearance. They've lived alone on the road as a traveller in a country that so openly welcomes strangers that THE KING and his whole motives can happen. Siffrin is avoidant and refuses to acknowledge problems or strive for help and comfort.

So. That line about the dress. Let's unpack the line(s) about the dress.

THE DRESS LINE, AND THE WAY IT CHANGES BETWEEN PROLOGUE, ACT 2, AND ACT 3.

Good god where to start with this. Full disclosure, the first draft here was way more vague in how I approached this line because I remembered it (and another line, I'll get to it.) way more tame, but going and getting the screenshots..... Siffrin. Buddy. We gotta unpack this.

In act 2, we have "You haven't worn a dress in forever!". This is a neutral, if seemingly a little joyous statement. All we really glean from this is the information that Siffrin at some point, wore 'a' dress. No real inferences there. (Maybe you could say that the singular as opposed to plural makes it more likely that they borrowed/only owned One Dress rather than owned several? But that's a massive stretch...)

Then, act 3/4 shuffles this off into a more general "You wonder if you'll ever wear different clothes again." Which is a more despairing and distant statement. Considering Siffrin seems to travel with only the items they can carry, and owns sleep clothes... It's unclear how many changes of clothing they have. The party seems to consider the cloak a pretty permanent fixture, anyhow. But this line doesn't really say much aside from 'oh god i'm losing myself to the time loop malaise'

NOW THE PROLOGUE. Prologue Sif, buddy, pal, Loop, if I'm allowed to call you that....

Thousands of loops in. We are wistful for specifically dresses. You've forgotten almost everything. You dream about someday seeing the sun again. To be anywhere but here. You want to wear a dress again.

I. Kind of do not know what to do here but point at it. Like I said, my first draft had me half-remembering the progression of this line and as such I was far more vague on what I thought it could imply. Instead this is just straight up yearning.

To, try and segue back to what I had initially written, we'll pick up here...

Siffrin expresses a want to wear other clothes, explore changing their body... But instead, they wear a ratty old form-covering cloak that keeps them warm and safe and is a last reminder of home. They are shapeless, formless, hiding their face under the brim of a wide hat. They do not voice their desire to wear a dress aloud. They once again, keep a desire to themselves, because they do not allow themselves to want publicly. Apathy is safer. Apathy and quiet means you do not risk retribution or hurt.

While I do not think the above is exclusively a transfeminine feeling, it really, really reads like one when taken part and parcel with assuming Siffrin has denied themselves prior exploration.

... And here I have to break my first draft again. I was being, once again, restrained in my reading when writing this. Because I had convinced myself I had maybe straight up imagined one of the lines I was basing my reads on, because I couldn't find it. Because it was a line that read so strikingly desolate to me that my brain had slotted it in during Act Five, meaning when I went looking for it neither me nor my friends could find it.

It's in acts 3 and 4. It's a line I already brought up.

"You're thinking about crafting your body. You seem to have all the time in the world now."

good fucking christ. sorry to break the academic tone but Jimminy Fucking Willikers, Siffrin. What's with that bit. The resignation and despair and guilty comfort we know the timeloop brings them, bleeding into the gender.

This. *taps my finger harshly on my desk* THIS, this feels transfem. this feels so wildly transfem to me. The knowledge that they've never changed before this line lends. The admission that they've been holding back because it's 'too much work'. I spent a lot of time during the game relating Siffrin not to myself but to my friends.

If I'm honest, really, truly, I'm not all too often in Siffrin's shoes. I'm the stable one, of my group. I'm the rock people ground themselves on. And I see so much hesitance, all the time. Denial of joy because what if it's taken away, again? Or futilely out of reach? It hurts more to try, and to fail, than to never try at all.

I wanted to shake Siffrin by the shoulders this whole game. Grit teeth beg them to accept help because for fuck's sake people are clearly offering it get it through your skull--

*coughs* Ah. Ahem. Right. The uh, academic tone.

Right. What I mean to say is, this read as transfem to me because of the way it relates to real-world experiences of denial. And this combo of the Dress line, and the progression of the Meat Prison line, the constant evidence of never having strived for what they want, and that insistance that you're not a man, seem to dislike being percieved as a man, but not being able to shed the outward signifiers?

Individually, yes, these points can be read in different ways. The total opposite ways, even, I'm sure! But as a gestalt it feels really, really transfem. Even if yeah, sure Vaugarde is a magical setting where being transgender is accepted, and this hesitance, specifically, around gender, might not 'make sense' in 'the lore'...

Diegesis isn't everything. Sometimes something that reflects a real-world feeling is important, even if it doesn't 'mesh' with 'the lore' of the world.

TANGENT: DIEGESIS AND READING INTO NON-REAL-WORLD-SETTINGS.

This is a Watsonian vs Doylist spectre that's been haunting this whole argument. In-universe (Watsonian), Vaugarde has seemingly no discrimination between genders, sexualities, and a lackadaisical approach to most things in the arena. Reading our own patriarchal/heterosexual/amanonormative/perisexist society unto it does not make sense, not in this context.

In the real world, however (Doylist), ISAT is a text made in our prejudiced society. A text that is distinctly flavoured by those bigotries which it is kicking back against. Because of this, it is not the whole story to simply read the text while discarding our real-world-informed inferences. Isabeau is a big example of this. While perfectly accepted in Vaugarde, he is very obviously a revolutionary character in our real-world space! He has so much to say, specifically BECAUSE things about him that are not readily accepted here, are accepted there! Same with Mira's struggles, and yes, Siffrin's too.

ISAT was written with the knowledge of how it would play against our real world in mind, we know this, clearly, from many an interview. This is most present in how it engages with asexuality and aromanticism (and immigrant identity), but make no mistake, it influences the Whole Text.

Ergo, just because I view certain writing choices here in the context of Our Real World Perspectives On Gender and not Vaugarde's In-Universe Perspectives, it does not make them an invalid read. They are simply a Doylist read.

There's been an admittedly loosey-goosey lack of delineation here between things I'm reading with either lens, because for the most part all of these points have been a vague synthesis of both that I can't quite decouple. Unprofessional, I know, but I'll admit to not having written my thoughts down like this in a good long while. Usually I just hash this out verbally over discord voice to a small number of weirdo literature and classics student friends who are willing to humour me. I'm an arts student too, but animation hardly required I actually write an essay to a literature degree's standard. Lol.

DE-PERSONING. AND LOOP. OH JESUS . LOOP .

Siffrin de-persons themselves a lot. I say de-person rather than dehumanise because, well, there's a subtle difference there. Siffrin doesn't see themselves as vermin or an animal or an object, but they do seem to see themselves as lesser, not requiring the respect they grant others. They aren't, you know, a 'real person'.

People get to have things like thoughts and wants and identities. Siffrin is, at best, Just Siffrin. They have what they have and they don't ask for more and they don't (CAN'T) feel too strongly on what they do have!

When Loop at first offers their pronouns they offer the Royal 'We'. This is at least a little bit, a joke. A nudge toward their true identity, a potential dig at themselves for becoming so understanding of The King. Mostly though, a joke on the first thing…. and a sign that they do not see themselves as a separate entity to the Siffrin stood before them.

When Siffrin rejects this, they settle for they/them. Loop drops the he/him, presumably partially to cover their tracks, but… They just showed their hand with the 'Royal We', and if you wanted to go even further with this, there's no way for us to know whether Loop is treating this pronoun as singular or not. They presumably are, but it is still a potentially plural pronoun.

Loop… Clearly does not see themselves as a person. It's, I would say, a completely reasonable assumption that the form they have taken reflects implicit feelings toward themselves as less than a person, an actor, a monster, a tool, a means to an end. They are rendered inhuman by The Universe, frivolous distractions removed. No mouth, inventory and clothes confiscated, nothing between the legs. Formed roughly in the shape of a person to allow them to do their only job: Help.

Loop's body does not make logical sense, given their continued ability to sleep, dream and their continued habit of deep breaths to self-soothe. It would seem to me, it was made in the image it was, with only the tools it needed to Help Siffrin. Why obfuscate their identity? Because giving the game away too early would likely make them lose hope. Why so deeply, thoroughly star themed? An instant signal, that even if a stranger, they are an ally. They are home.

[Image: Loop saying that they take naps and dream, and evidence of Loop habitually attempting to breathe in the twohats lose-to-loop ending]

And they… Degender themselves. No longer with any bodily signifiers of masculinity, and cruelly disallowed the ability to hide themselves beneath fabric, they are null. The spoiler Q&A (paratext, as it were) states that:

Q. Is Loop: 1. Actually comfortable with both he and they, but only gave the one pronoun to emphasize the distance? 2. Only using they/them because a large life event led to a shift in identity/ how they’d like to be perceived? or 3. time lops stole he from they they :( A. Mostly that first one. But all three of those reasons have a bit of truth to them.

While the 'mostly the first one' comment does imply that Loop would not baulk at being he/him'd (similar to how Siffrin does not), the other reasons, especially the second, having 'a bit of truth' does lend credence to this reading. That Loop's self-perception has shifted, and what I posit, is that this shift is in tandem with a disconnection with humanity. Due, presumably, to the dehumanising experience of the timeloop.

Loop has no biology to speak of, and yet they remain blind in one eye. I take this as an implication that they considered this so core to themselves, to who they could remember being, that it stayed. Even if they had forgotten their own face, trapped in a part of the house with no mirrors, they knew they couldn't see. They kept this, and yet seemingly they, or The Universe, or both of them in tandem, discarded all else.

This isn't like…. Healthy behaviour. That is for certain. But it is interesting that Siffrin and Loop seem to hold on to their masculinity by a thread, and that Loop, when actually given the excuse to make a choice, chooses the Neutral Option. Siffrin might de-person themselves, but Loop, Loop is absolutely dehumanising themselves. From Loop's own mouth (or lack thereof) do they call themselves a Corpse. That's… pretty damn bad.

TANGENT 2: POTENTIAL IMPLICATIONS OF THE JAPANESE TRANSLATION.

Did somebody say 'distance'? Yeah turns out that has some more potential evidence. In the form of First Person Pronouns. See, English, with its third person only pronouns relies on others to gender you. Japanese, you get to gender yourself. And Siffrin specifically has an interesting discrepancy in the way he refers to himself.

(DISCLAIMER: I . DO NOT KNOW MUCH ABOUT JAPANESE. THIS IS SECOND-HAND KNOWLEDGE. SOURCED FROM THIS TUMBLR POST AND OTHER QUICK SKIMS OF WIKIPEDIA)

Loop and Siffrin use the same, very neutral "mostly male but could go either way" pronoun of 僕 boku. Safe, soft friendly pronoun. Used by people on the younger side of adulthood, not so impolite that you can't use it in a formal setting. Such a neutral all-rounder that female singers in japan tend to use boku in their songs to relate to the audience with quiet confidence.

And in their internal monologue? Siffrin uses a completely different pronoun. In his head, for himself, he uses 自分 jibun. Now, this may be an artefact of the monologue's english second-person "You", since jibun can also be used to mean a very neutral "self". A "myself/herself/himself" type 'self'. But when used as a first person pronoun, it has a connotation of being… distant, introspective. Which is… a fascinating implication, if that was the intent.

But I don't know anything about japanese so ! If I'm off the mark, discard this!

LOOP, PART 2: MAYBE NOT A GREAT STATE TO BE IN.

While Siffrin I can comfortably argue that they can like, keep their current gender presentation, whatever you may perceive it to be, once the game is over, Loop, I cannot.

Siffrin's potential issues with their identity are ones that honestly feel like they would best be explored with gentle refinement and searching. They don't need to violently seperate themselves from what they are now, far from it, in fact. They need to learn to grow comfortable in their own skin, and with the people they love. To become open and trusting, with an open mind to where it may lead.

Loop has already lost this battle. They don't get to refine anymore, just pick up the pieces. While I don't necessarily think radical change is Good for Loop, I think they may Need It. For them, resting will probably become stagnation (see: napping all day under the tree, resigned, really, to the idea they're stuck there forever.), they need a shake-up in order to re-find their feet. Even if they end up right back where they started, they still need to do the actual painful process of soul-searching first.

Problem is, they're still rather avoidant. So it basically becomes a question of getting them into a situation where this exploration is forced upon them. At which point, that's a whole new plotline. This becomes fanfiction. Hence, why while I think Transfem-Egg Loop is a Valid Read when extrapolated from Siffrin… I must concede any actual adventures into them acting upon that as headcanon territory. I just do not know how you would get them there without making a whole new Thing, at which point it stops being Just A Read of the text haha. It doesn't help that Loop and Siffrin (grudgekeepers supreme) both have reason to spite the Change God after who was phone.

As for whether this egg-read reflects directly back on to Siffrin? Maybe! They are the same person. But I think that, especially with Vaugarde's lax views, and their actual differences (Loop's general worse mania // Siffrin's incentive to stay a reminder to themselves and Loop of their country) means they could easily go two different routes, along the road to becoming their own distinct individuals. (And in all honesty, growing into their differences is probably the more healthy option in the long run if you're keeping Loop around? But again, we are going so far into the future here this is no longer a read. And I am not here to dispense baseless headcanons without massive disclaimer, so…)

Tl;Dr:

Siffrin's Survival-Apathy and hesitance to change feels really thematic to their being 'what's left' of their homeland

They seem unsettled by the flippancy of the Change Religion at times, clinging to the familiar to cope with the trauma of displacement.

Mal du pays speaks of them that they have not 'tried' to change, showing an insecurity there, even outside of the literal stagnance of the loops.

They are self assured to Mira that one does not have to change, in a very genuinely personal impulsive statement.

They and others exclude themselves from being "A Man", but Siffrin keeps desires to explore their expression to themselves.

The Universe belief, seemingly in Siffrin's view of it, disincentivises Free Will and Wants very heavily. It is not hard to assume they extend this to all elements of their life.

They have self-admittedly never pursued tangible change, likely due to this aversion to choice. Despite this, they express interest in changing, seeming nonplussed with their body, and house at least some desire for more traditionally feminine expression.

Oh Good God. Loop Sure Does Not Treat Themselves Like A Person. Why Does That Come With A Pronoun Change? What Does That Mean?

But most of all:

It makes them such a fascinating foil and lens to Change and characters who believe in it! It makes them eerily similar to The King! It opens up such fascinating debate between characters like themselves and Mirabelle, Isabeau and Loop, on whether or not they want to change in future, or if it truly is okay to never radically change yourself! What genuinely fertile ground for dialogues. And man if I'm not heavily drawn towards dialogues.

(End of essay! Congratulations for making it the whole way! 🎉 I hope this nightmarish deep dive helps with understanding some of the ways I've been writing Siffrin and Loop too. Since while I've not ever focused on the gender side of it (and probably won't in comic form) this does pervade my view of the two, since it would be impossible for it to Not. As you can see, I do think it is pretty relevant to both their themes.)

(Now for some bonus material)

ADDENDUMS:

PERSONAL BIAS NOTE:

Not included in this analysis since this is more a Pet Theme of my own (usually kept quarantined to the realms of my OCs), but something else I see in Siffrin is a reflection of the Dude Issue(tm) of patriarchal irl society disincentivisng Dudes(tm) from ever fucking introspecting ever.

I'm curious about nonbinary/trans characters who have no idea they’re nonbinary/trans because they’ve been disincentivised from thinking/doubting their identity due to societal power structures or simply tradition. I dig around the themes of “a lot of guys are trapped in a societal prison without ever knowing and it makes them miserable but they can’t escape because they don’t even see the cage” like, a lot, in my personal work. It intrigues me. So bleh, cards on the table there. That mode of interacting with nb/trans characters is one I'm inclined to.

This kinda goes hand in hand with the watsonian vs doylist situation i took an aside to mention. But it is so far along the doylist side that I didn't want to include it, since it is a little too assumptive of the text for my comfort. I don't think the game necessarily has much commentary on this specific Societal Bind. But if it does, then hey, there's my thoughts on it.

STRAY SIDE NOTES AND HEADCANONS ABOUT OTHER CHARACTERS (AS A TREAT FOR GETTING THIS FAR):

MID-GAME OBSERVATION ABOUT BONNIE AND ODILE THAT I NEVER WENT BACK TO VERIFY:

I got the impression that Bonnie heavily favours they/them pronouns for Siffrin, and Odile he/him, as a bit of presumed character voice. I don't know that I am right, literally at all, in that observation, because it very well could've been confirmation bias.

BUT! It did give me the impression that one of the things Bonnie was idolising about Siffrin was a degree of "wow!! older person with my gender!! wow!!", which is just like, cute. I like it even if I don't have any solid evidence.

ODILE, WHAT'S HER DEAL?:

Oh she stays just as mysterious as she intends to be, huh? Even with her comments in the Changing Room alluding to knowing things about underground changing operations, you can't draw much of a conclusion about her. I appreciate verily that she's word-of-god unlabelled and also poly. That shit's great. Woman who has stopped drawing lines or caring what she's up against. Nice characterisation flavour I think.

Anyway, I do think that transfem Odile is a really, really nice take. I have no evidence in either direction for her in either direction, and her being a woman of any description makes her relationship with her absent mother something interesting to chew on, but the idea that she pursued womanhood intentionally lends an interesting texture. I've not much to say, but it's a thread to pull on. Makes you wonder what other female role models she had in her life instead. Anyway she's mysterious as fuck I can't extrapolate Jack nor Squat. Shrug! I'm also made curious by the idea of her potentially moving away from womanhood as she feels the weight of her history lifted. This goes either way, really. Diagnosis: mysterious.

HEADCANON NOTE: INTERSEX SIFFRIN

I don't have any in-text support for this so this entire thing is an unbased headcanon to me. but i DO like it because 1. fun and 2. potential for more thematic exploration

haha gotcha its fuckin themes again. its always themes with me.

But yeah. Not much to say here besides drawing a parallel (that I believe I've seen drawn elsewhere in the fandom already?) between ISAT's comments on how a society that values change would view Aroace identities, and how Mira feels about not wanting to change with the real world experiences of Intersex people having alteration and conformity forced upon them, saying the Change Belief would likely be just as bad for them as it is for aroace people.

So, adding it to Siffrin's situation further drags them into the opposition-to-change foil role. Which like I said, think has a lot to explore.

HEADCANON NOTE: A POTENTIAL METHOD FOR GETTING LOOP OUT OF THEIR GOD DAMNED COMFORT ZONE

I think utilising Loop's contrarianism is an effective and funny way to get them to explore their gender. I personally think running with them trying to hide their identity from the party is a hilarious way to do it. Having them try to position themselves in direct opposition to Siffrin to "throw the party off their trail" (not that i think they really need to?), going full feminine-revealing-clothing because it's NOT what a Siffrin would do and accidentally growing accustomed to it. Funny to me. Especially when the party eventually do find out who they are and go . "????? what was the girl stuff about ??? is that something you wanna do now ???".

[Isabeau] "Ohhhh it was a bit! Haha you really are Sif, still a jokester!" [Loop] "HAHA YEAH . JOKES. LOVE THOSE. LOVE TO MAKE JOKES!" [Isabeau] "Yep! Anyway. Tell me if you need anything!"

Bonus bonus:

[Siffrin] "Okay, so, if you're a girl. Does this reflect on like… me?" [Loop] "No doubles. Get your own gender, parasite~!"

[viperwhispered]

Too Hard

Woop part 2 of the trip inside Jamil's head. Part 1 here.

The next time Jamil caught sight of you on campus, his first instinct was to turn around on his heel.

What a stupid thought to have because of you.

Besides, that would only make him more conspicuous, not less.

So, when your eyes met his, Jamil gave you a short nod in greeting. He would’ve left it at that and kept on his way, had you not walked up to him.

“Hi Jamil! How’s it going?” you said with that impossibly disarming smile of yours.

Why was it so difficult to look at you like he normally would? You had no right to make him feel so stiff, so unnatural.

On autopilot, Jamil exchanged a few pleasantries with you - those lessons from his parents had been instilled too deep in him for him to falter too badly in a simple exchange such as this. Still, Jamil quickly excused himself by telling you he still had to find Kalim before his next class.

Jamil didn’t miss the way your smile faltered. Had you hoped to get something out of him?

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you two later, then.”

Something about that irked him, though Jamil did not allow himself to dwell on it further.

His heart really had no business still racing as it did when he walked away, unaware of the frown on his face.

Just act normal. That’s all he needed to do.

After all, he had no time for dwelling in silly fancies.

If Jamil had been acutely aware of you before, it only seemed to worsen now that he was making a conscious effort to not act any differently with you. In fact, the harder he tried to keep you out, the more you invaded his thoughts, unsettling him.

The most innocuous words from you looped in his mind, and even the simplest actions caught his eye. For goodness's sake, he’d found himself staring at you while you were queueing up in the cafeteria the other day, not even doing anything other than standing around and looking bored!

For once, Jamil found himself grateful for all his duties. At least they provided him with something else to occupy himself with.

After all, if he was busy enough, it was difficult to think about those bright eyes of yours, your sweet laugh, or the way you bit your lip while thinking.

Still, sometimes it felt like no matter which way he turned, you were there, ready to throw him off-kilter. Not like it was his fault that often the most convenient route to class intersected with your daily routines. Or that your face seemed to jump out from any crowd, catching his attention.

Which certainly did not help his basketball performance. Jamil certainly did not recall you having such an interest in sports before, yet suddenly you were always there, distracting him. What had changed?

Could you possibly-

Jamil scoffed to himself, forcing his thoughts back on track for the nth time that day.

He picked up the tray of food and started taking it to Kalim. After dinner, he’d need to help Kalim with his homework, there were some housewarden tasks that would need dealing with, not to mention the preparations for the next-

Jamil froze in his tracks.

The voice he heard was quiet, but it was unmistakably you.

Really, it should not have come as such a surprise to him. You had become a rather frequent visitor to Scarabia, and Kalim often invited you to stay for meals. In fact, Jamil had started planning the dorm’s meal prep with your tastes and dietary restrictions in mind, just in case.

Jamil rounded the corner with strange exhilaration, his heart fluttering needlessly.

Yet, his mood evaporated when he saw you.

Why did you stop talking and look so guilty as soon as you caught sight of Jamil?

Jamil knew that look you gave to Kalim, had used it himself a thousand times. The one telling Kalim to keep quiet about something.

What could there possibly be that you would be comfortable sharing with Kalim, but not with him? That would give Kalim reason to sit so close to you, a comforting hand on your shoulder?

Jamil's mind raced with possibilities, yet could not settle for any single explanation.

He’d have to ask Kalim about it later.

Jamil gave you a short, polite greeting, his eyes lingering on you in an attempt to read what you were hiding.

“If I’d known you were coming over, I would’ve prepared something for you to eat as well,” Jamil said, already thinking about which parts of the dorm’s dinner to spruce up for you.

“Oh, no need, just figured I’d pop by. I’ll get out of your hair soon enough,” you said, something sheepish about your expression.

As expected, Kalim asked you to stay and dine with them, and with just a bit more persuasion you agreed - though not before telling Jamil that he should join you too and have himself a breather.

And since Kalim agreed with you, Jamil soon found himself sharing a meal with you and Kalim. Yet, even as he sat down with the food, his mind raced.

Had you been getting particularly close to Kalim lately? But surely Jamil would’ve noticed such a thing. Maybe someone from the dorm had been giving you trouble? But if that was the case, then surely you could let Jamil know about it, too. Unless for some reason you did not want to? But if it was something that concerned Kalim, then sooner or later it was bound to concern Jamil, too.

All the while, Kalim was talking to you about this and that, the latest topic being the animals kept on the Asim estate.

“I’ve got some pictures, let me show you!” Kalim said with an excited grin.

Only, a thorough patting of his pockets and a look around confirmed that Kalim’s phone was nowhere to be seen.

Jamil pinched the bridge of his nose. Where had Kalim left it this time?

Before Jamil even had the chance to say that he would handle it, Kalim sprinted off. Jamil hesitated for a moment, automatically halfway up from his seat, before he decided that leaving a guest unattended would be a worse offense than not helping out his master.

Jamil slumped back down with a sigh, mentally tracing the path Kalim took today, trying to recall the last time he saw Kalim handle his phone.

“Breathe. He’ll manage,” you said. There was the faintest of smiles on your lips, and Jamil could not decide if it was knowing or amused. Perhaps both.

Somehow, despite his frustration, Jamil’s own lips wanted to curl up too.

“Hmm. Maybe he will.”

Sure, Jamil could’ve called Kalim’s phone, to make it easier to find, but it was not that urgent, was it?

Jamil took another bite of his food, keeping an eye on you from the corner of his eye.

How was his mind so empty and so buzzing at the same time?

“You know-”

“So-”

You looked at each other, both just as surprised that the other had spoken up at the same time.

Even your surprised look was so-

“You first,” Jamil said. The way you bit your lip... Jamil had to raise a cup to his lips, slowly sipping his drink.

“Just… Feels like it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen you be still, you know. Or exchanged more than two words with you,” you said. You were attempting a light, joking tone, yet it was quite clear there was more to it.

“You say that like it would be unusual for me to be busy.”

He was not prepared for the way your soft sigh tugged at his heartstrings.

“No. It is not.”

You were both quiet after, poking at your meals. Normally, Jamil would’ve cherished such a moment of peace, yet this particular silence between you two was decidedly awkward.

Where was your usual chatter? Why weren’t you looking at him like you usually did?

“If you’re worried about me, don’t. I’m fine,” Jamil said, some softness creeping into his tone despite his best intentions.

“That's what Kalim said too,” you said. Yet the way you looked at Jamil made it clear you were still skeptical.

Wait.

Had you clammed up earlier because it had been Jamil you had been talking about with Kalim? That Kalim had comforted you about?

The thought twisted his stomach into knots.

Eta: you can find part 3 here, part 4 here, and finally part 5 here. Hasdhfsdf the way I fought with that last scene I swear. I don't even want to know how many versions I went through, trying to figure out how to say what I wanted without rubbing it into your face or making it too veiled. The joys of trying to convey things through a limited pov. Hopefully it came out reasonably balanced in the end. Rip to all those sentences that were lovely on their own but didn’t work for the whole. Hopefully I can rehome y’all one day. I do have thoughts for part 3 and part x (might be some chapters between those two as well, who knows at this point), so maybe we'll see those at some point, too. Tag list: @colliope @crystallizsch @diodellet @jamilsimpno69 @jamilvapologist @twstgo If you'd like to be tagged for future works, let me know! (Just be aware that sometimes I do also write nsfw, though you can certainly ask to be tagged only for particular kinds of works.)