#this was such a cute scene in the middle of all the heartbreak

[ohrackham]

You know, I'm stuffed in a truck with a bunch of cowboys, honey. Let me call you later tonight, all right?

[somedayillbepeterpan]

I made a post about a side by side of Pen and Colin's first and last dance (so far) from S1 and S3 and now I'm drowning in the feels of it.

LOOK AT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THESE TWO LAST SHOTS

S1E1 - Vauxhall ball dance

Them being such babies. Them jumping around, utterly caught by the energy of the dance. This is the first dance that Pen ever has after she's come out in society and I want to say that this is the first time that she's actually seen Colin as a man after he "rescued her". This is when the rose-coloured tinted glasses are shining brightly on her face as she looks at this boy she grew up with dancing with her in public, laughing and holding her in his arms. This is the first time she was held by another man in her life (I don't think her dad was ever affectionate towards her). Her first physical encounter with a man and it's with Colin no less (Colin really is first in everything where Penelope is concerned).

Even though there is a closeness between her and Colin already at this time, there is always Eloise in the middle. We think that Eloise being away in S3 gave them a chance to be alone together but Pen's 1st season out in society actually also gave the first chance of being alone with Colin (and then Marina came and ruined it all).

I also want to note that Pen is utterly cute in this scene. Ladies aren't supposed to wear their hair out the way Pen has it here. This alone should have told us that she is a rebel but also of how invisible she is.

Last thing to note (and this maybe just because of editing or this very beautiful but challenging height difference these two have blocking wise) is that we don't really see their faces clearly (I checked the actual video and it really is shot like that). We're only meant to feel the amusement these two have over this brief dance and I'm sure Pen went home on Cloud 9, thinking about this dance over and over.

It was her first romantic core memory.

Now we go to this scene:

S3E8 - Dankworth - Finch ball dance (Butterfly dance)

I have so many feelings about this dance. Firstly, their hand size difference!

Their smiles! Them overcoming such a huge obstacle! Colin just blasting every other love confession I've seen on this show! Them accepting each other fully, finally seeing each other for who they are. Them now ready to fully embrace their married life. I could go on and on and I will.

Both looking so ridiculously happy in this slow, intimate dance. Both looking so sexy and powerful, showing their acceptance of their maturity. It took them a while and a whole angsty journey but watching them take each step towards each other spoke to my heart and soul deeply. Their smiles in this dance was such a treat after being subjected to heartbreak.

In comparison with the shot in S1E1, we see both from their heads to their body (heart) but behind other dancers. I'm just thinking that this is the director saying this now will be your POV of Pen and Colin-- at the start of living their lives openly.

(I'm feeling sleepy now but I want to finish this)

It is so rewarding to see the journey that Pen and Colin goes through. I've been rewatching all 3 seasons and catching the growth between these two is so fascinating. The parallels, the clues, the subtle performances that Nic and Luke have been presenting on the table since S1. All so overwhelming at times at how privileged I feel to see their story laid out so beautifully.

What a gift Pen and Colin's love story is. I love their love and I'll stay here just for a little bit.

[hyunfilms]

blue side of the sky (lmh) | fourteen.

♡ spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: waking up after 3 months with no recollection of your past, your friends do what they can to help you remember. except, they omit an important piece to the puzzle - afraid you would remember the heartbreak and hurt all over again.

—pairing: lee know x f. reader

—genre: (18+) exes to lovers, bestfriends to lovers au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 4.4k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing, cuddles, small, sweet kisses, cute gestures of affection, whatever happens later in the chapter - it's really not what it looks like (aka minho means it), minsung heart to heart, flashback scenes - one that is cute, the other that is a bit more angry and full of emotion (some pushing involved), jisung is trying hard to be an equal middle person between his bestfriends and respect boundaries, pls prepare because the next update will not be fun ... 😅

minho: get to work okay?

you: yes!

minho: stopping by?

you: maybe.. ☺️

minho: 🥺

minho: i'm literally just down the street, why is it a 'maybe?'

minho: i never hear chan or seungmin get 'maybe's'

minho: san too......

you: oh please, how would you know!

you: chan and seungmin are my favorites, remember? same thing with san 😉

minho: bye 😞

You giggle to yourself as you tuck your phone in your pocket, knowing Minho is probably sulking after the teasing you've done. A little teasing shouldn't hurt. Though, it doesn't change the fact that you do plan on visiting him during your break and it doesn't change the fact that you really, really miss him already.

And he really, really misses you, too.

☁︎ FLASHBACK | THE OTHER NIGHT

"Y/N?" You hear your name being called, followed by a few soft knocks. You get up from the easel, halting the current watercolor painting you were working on. When you pop your head out of the room, you see Minho looking through the small windows on your door— a smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

"Hi." You smile up at him. "What're you doing here?"

"Just wanted to see you." You step aside to let him in, bits of the cold, night air rushing in just before you shut the door close. 

"Didn't you have class?" He nods, pushing the hood down from his head. 

"Yeah, took a quick shower then came here." He chuckles. 

"How was it?"

"Good. Tiring." He says, sitting on the edge of your bed when you return to the easel. "What're you working on?" 

"Trying to paint one of the flowers from the conservatory." You giggle. "What's your house up to?"

"Nothing. When I left, Ji and Seungmin were playing this board game while Chan was just watching his show in the living room."

"I don't think I'm any better company." You laugh.

"You are."

"Did you teach today, or did Hyunjin teach?"

"Hyunjin. I had to help him figure out his last 8 count though because he didn't know how to close out the piece." You nod as you continue to paint the last strip of pink onto the canvas, setting your brush down off to the side before getting up to keep Minho company.

"Did you eat?"

"Kinda yeah, but I'm not hungry."

"You sure?" Minho nods, pulling you in between his legs. He gently wraps his arms around you and lays his head against your stomach. Minho doesn't say anything, but you can feel him relaxing in your hold— your arms wrapped around him while your hand massages the back of his head. "You okay?"

"Mhm." He mumbles. "I just really missed you." You're not sure if Minho is speaking in the moment, because his actions, the way he doesn't want to let you go, says he's speaking about the past. How he's been feeling. How he's been yearning for you just as you have for him. It's more than a simple 'i miss you.'

"I missed you, too." He looks up at you, resting his chin against your stomach. "Come, let's go and watch something, yeah?" You unwrap his arms from around your waist, slipping your hand into his to lead the way. Before you can walk further into the living room, Minho pulls you back. Your body is pressed flush against his, his hands on your hips and giving them a gentle squeeze. "What?" You shyly giggle.

"Nothing, I like looking at you, remember?" He breaks his silence, a small laugh falling from his lips. He edges forward to kiss you on the forehead, before moving down to your lips; hands squeezing at your hips again to show you how much he loves kissing you.

How much he adores you.

You only smile at him before leading the way to the couch, where Minho plops onto his side and makes some room for you to lay in front of him. There's a debate about which movie is going up, but Minho quickly waves the white flag and surrenders the decision to you. He doesn't mind watching Hocus Pocus even though it isn't remotely close to Halloween yet, he just wants to be here with you;

Holding you, keeping you close.

Feeling your warmth against him.

Minho is surprised that you even make it past halfway into the movie before you fall asleep. He chuckles to himself when he hears your soft snores amongst the Hocus Pocus background noise. He presses a few kisses to the back of your head that wakes you up for a few seconds— only for you to shift in your position and face him. 

"Baby, do you want to sleep in your bed?" He whispers, hoping you're still awake enough to hear him. "I can go and let you sleep."

"No." You simply mutter against him, shifting closer to his body as if there was no way you'd separate from him at this moment.

"Okay." Is all he says before he's silently chuckling again, wrapping an arm around you to keep you safe. Because this time, he will. He can't help but press a few more feathery kisses across your face, making sure to give a little more love to your scars. 

He missed you.

Really, really missed you.

And this time, he'll keep you safe. He'll protect you, choose you. 

Yours.

☁︎ END

"What's the cute giggle fit for?" Mrs. Pak smiles at you and softly nudges your arm, making you shake your head. 

"Oh, nothing. I'm just, happy?" You respond in a questioning tone, followed by another small giggle.

"Happy looks good on you, sweetheart." Mrs. Pak chuckles as she helps you get a big bouquet together. "Is it San?"

"San." You repeat his name. "Right, I forgot to tell you about that." You give her a small toothless smile. "Just friends."

"You talked to him?"

"I did. He was very sweet about it."

"Good. How did you do it? Tell me all about that evening."

"It was nice! He took me to that famous unagi restaurant and Peace Piece. Then, he took me to the movies for the Studio Ghibli event. We watched Spirited Away."

"That sounds like a lovely evening."

"It was." You look at her. "He took me to the beach to talk about everything, but he was very understanding about it when I told him I just wanted to stay friends. I told him I thought we worked well this way."

"It's good he was understanding. Says alot about his character and how much he respects you."

"He's truly a great friend. It hasn't been long, but San has done a lot to help me feel comfortable, especially in my own skin."

"That's good." She hands you some ribbons. "How about the one you have feelings for?" You giggle.

"The one that I have feelings for? Hm, he's one of my bestfriends." You fiddle with the ribbon and tie it nicely around the tissue paper to keep the bouquet secured. "He actually owns that café down the street. Sunday Morning."

"Oh, he does? I've gone there before, it's a nice café." 

"Mm, yeah. Might pay him a little visit later." You smile at her.

"What's his name?"

"Minho. Me and Jisung met him in high school." She nods. "I'm not really sure how to explain this, but I've always felt something for Minho after I woke up. I feel connected to him on a deeper level—" You pause just as you set the bouquet aside. "Attached, almost."

"Do you guys have history?" You shrug.

"I think so. Wish I could remember. But, Minho said he'd tell me in time. He didn't wanna rush it because he didn't wanna overwhelm me." Mrs. Pak gives you a toothless smile. "I trust him. I know he'll tell me when the time is right."

"That's good. He wants to tell you, I'm sure. But, he's still thinking about you and helping you get comfortable."

"I'm just scared."

"Why scared?"

"I.. I don't know. I don't really know what to expect."

"That's okay. I'm sure he'll tell you, just like you said. When the time is right." You nod.

"Yeah." You simply agree before grabbing a vase to fix another bouquet. "I don't know how else to say it, really. But, I like him. A lot. We.." You let out a small sigh. "Things happened between us already over the past few days. It escalated so quickly? But, I don't think any of this is weird. These aren't unfamiliar feelings."

"Sometimes, the heart just knows."

"What if our history isn't the greatest?"

"Well, that's okay. We are only human, and we aren't perfect." Mrs. Pak softly says next to you. "It's up to you how you'd like to take it, but I would take it as something that can help you grow and learn. We are always learning, and there are always ways to improve. It's never a linear path, my dear." You sigh and nod, eyes darting to the customers that just walked in.

"True."

"Do I get to meet this young man?" You chuckle just as you walk away from the front, looking over your shoulder with a small smile.

"Of course. I'd love for you to meet him and my friends—" At this moment, just as you're about to greet the customers that had walked in, another body comes through the front door; eyes landing right onto you just as you shift your attention to them.

"Minho." He smiles when he hears his name slip from your lips, watching as you tuck your hair behind your ear shyly.

"Hey." He steps in and patiently waits for you to tend to the customers. You walk over in the cutest outfit, with the brightest smile on your face, and Minho can't help but melt. 

"What're you doing here, sir?" You joke and he holds up a cold drink and a pastry bag.

"Since you didn't wanna visit, I thought I'd come make the walk." He hands you the drink and food. "Also wanna make sure you're eating."

"I am, or.. I will." You chuckle. "Once I get a little break." You turn to look at Mrs. Pak as she's ringing up a customer, a small smirk planted on her face. "Come." You loosely lace your fingers with his, dragging him over to Mrs. Pak for a quick little meet-and-greet. "Speaking of Minho."

"Speaking of Minho? What does that mean?" He asks, and you simply laugh it off.

"Mrs. Pak, Minho. Minho, Mrs. Pak."

"Oh, he's a handsome fella." Minho blushes, shyly acknowledging her from your side. "You know how to pick 'em." She whispers and teases you. "It's nice to finally meet you. I've heard quite a bit about you."

"Only good things I hope." He looks at you and you simply shrug. "I hope I'm not being a bother, just wanted to make sure she had something to eat." Minho scratches at his temple. "I'm sorry I didn't bring another for you, Mrs. Pak."

"It's okay." She smiles and nods at you. "Go take your break, I'll be here."

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes, go. It's time anyway."

"I'll be right back." You reassure her even though you know she isn't looking for it. You look up at Minho and he gives her another small smile and a shy wave, rubbing his grubby hands against his jeans when he gives her one last goodbye.

"It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Pak."

"You too, handsome!"

"Please." You mutter just as you turn on your heel to walk out the door and Minho scoffs.

"Wow, someone's in a mood today."

"No." You giggle. "You didn't have to drop by, I was going to come." You start walking towards the nearest bench until you feel Minho's hand gently wrap around your wrist and pull you back towards him.

"Were you?" He pulls you close to him, hands slowly wrapping around your waist. "Cause it almost seemed like you were gonna go visit San instead." You laugh.

"Just a joke." You playfully hit him. "Besides, he's still my friend, you know? You're gonna have to get used to San." Minho purses his lips into a tight smile.

"Right." His slight jealousy leaves when he feels your lips against his cheeks, your eyes falling back onto his— glistening like they hold the entire universe in those orbs. 

"But anyways, I was going to visit. Because I kinda sorta missed you?" You say so innocently, so shyly, all doe-eyed and pure.

"I missed you, too." Minho taps the tip of your nose before giving you a chaste kiss to the forehead. He laces his fingers with yours, finally bringing you over to the bench to sit and let you eat.

"What did you make today?" You chuckle when you peek into the pastry bag, finding a thick, fluffy, slice of coffee cake. "Coffee cake?" You look at him and sip on your iced vanilla latté.

"Mhm."

"You spoil me too much."

"I don't, not enough at least." You giggle.

"Shop busy?" Minho shrugs.

"Hm, it's been on and off. The usual. You?"

"Mm, nothing too overwhelming."

"That's good." You both sit for awhile, enjoying the the fresh air, the perfect breeze. Minho has his arm resting on the bench behind you, finger gently drawing shapes on your arm. "You've been feeling okay, right?"

"Mhm. I feel great." You nod and look at him. "It's been nice being able to help Mrs. Pak out."

"She seems very sweet." 

"She is." You chuckle.

"You sure we can't hang out tonight?" Minho brushes the hair away from your face.

"Nope. I promised my uncle I'd have a movie night with him. It's the first night he doesn't really have something to urgently work on. Says he can finally sit back and relax for a bit." You chuckle.

"That's good. He deserves some rest." You nod, popping another piece of the coffee cake into your mouth.

"Yeah, he does. Maybe we can hang out tomorrow after pottery class?"

"Here we go again with the maybe's." He pouts, making you laugh.

"I'm sorry. We will, okay? I'll come by and wait for you."

"You sure?" You nod.

"Positive." You check your phone and sip the vanilla latté a little more, letting out a small sigh. "I should probably get back in there. Thank you for my coffee cake and drink." You stand and do a little stretch, Minho following suit.

"Of course. Just needed to make sure you were okay."

"I am, especially now." You smile. "Thanks again. I'll call you later?"

"Okay, sounds good." Minho cups your cheeks and gently caresses the surface before pulling you into a quick, but sweet kiss. "Have a good rest of your shift, okay?" He continues to look you in the eye and caress your cheek before pulling back to let you go. "Call me if you need me."

"I will." You wave him goodbye, turning on your heel to continue your shift. You take one more look at Minho, who is still waiting until you safely make it back to the register before stepping away.

That night, Minho cooks dinner for him and his roommates— setting aside the food on serving plates until they find themselves hungry and ready to eat. He gathers his own plate and pours himself some beer before walking out to the outdoor sectional in the backyard. He pulls up some videos on Youtube, occasionally watching in between bites to entertain himself while also responding to your texts. He's a bit sad since your responses are slightly delayed, but he understands that you've been wanting to spend time with Uncle Adrian, and you should be. 

He just misses you, and feels a constant need, yearning, for you whenever you aren't around.

"Yo." Jisung pops out into the backyard from the house, adjusting his beanie as he plops onto the sectional next to Minho. "Just eating?"

"Mhm. I made some extras, they're on the counter."

"Thanks." Jisung leans forward and rest his arms onto his knees. "I'll probably eat a bit later. What else have you been up to?"

"Nothing really. Been kinda bored. Popped in to check on Y/N earlier while she was at work."

"She was okay?"

"Yeah, she seems happy to be there." Minho shrugs. "I met the owner, she's really sweet."

"That's good. Where is Y/N?"

"Movie night with Uncle Adrian." Jisung nods. 

"I haven't really texted her today, I've been swamped at work." Jisung lets out a small sigh. "You don't have class today?" He shakes his head.

"Nope."

"Wanna do something then? Where's Channie and Seungmo?"

"Like what? Seungmin is taking a nap in his room and Chan hasn't been home."

"Damn, nevermind then."

"We can hop on FIFA after I eat?" Minho asks him, trying to keep him entertained for tonight.

"Okay." Jisung responds right before nodding towards Minho's phone. "What're you watching?"

"I've been trying to perfect this recipe for awhile, so I'm trying to see how other people bake it." Jisung watches, even though he has no interest in baking or cooking whatsoever. But, it doesn't last long when he's easily distracted by Minho's text tone all of a sudden going off.

One text,

and another,

and another.

He can't help but be a little nosy to see who's blowing up his phone. Surprisingly, it isn't you. And this is the shit Jisung was afraid of.

"Dude." Jisung furrows his brows at Minho's phone, watching the un-named number pop up a few times. Even though it no longer has a name to it, Jisung knows.

"What?"

"Okay, seriously. Can we talk about this?" Jisung pauses the video for Minho before pointing at the texts coming through.

"Shit. It's Kat." Minho groans. "It's really not what it looks like though." He sighs and picks up his phone, briefly scrolling through the angry texts from Kat. All of a sudden. "I cut it off with her completely awhile ago and blocked her number. She's texting from someone else's phone."

"Okay, but you can't say you're done with her and keep the line open. Block that too and be done with it. She's obviously going to keep creating issues if she feels like you'll keep letting her in."

"I'm not letting her in, okay? It's done. Completely."

"Please don't repeat your behavior, for the love of god. I know you hate the nagging. But, how am I supposed to react when Kat is still popping up on your phone even though you claimed you were done with her before?" Minho groans a bit and lays back on the outdoor sectional.

"I really have no intentions of going back. I swear I haven't reached out to her. This is the first time she's trying to text me again on someone else's phone, I'm not even sure why she's texting me all angry." Jisung watches as Minho texts away and asks for her to stop reaching out, blocking the number and deleting the thread shortly afterwards.

"Swear on our friendship?" Jisung asks.

"Swear. I don't know where this is coming from." Jisung sighs a bit and shrinks back into his seat.

"I just.. I don't know. I think we're all just scared about you reverting back to your old ways. It takes two to tango, but Kat has always played a big part in this." Minho sighs.

"I know, I know. I hear you." 

"Have you even told Y/N? Because I know you're trying to get back together with her. But, I think that's a crucial step that you need to take first no matter how it makes everything turn out. It'll need some time and I think that's much needed. Not saying I don't ever want you to stop proving yourself and try again, but I think you both need the time to heal."

"I do plan to tell her."

"Alone?" 

"It's better if I do."

"When are you going to tell her?" Minhi shrugs at the question and lets out another sigh. 

"Tomorrow." Minho solidifies the thought because even though it will kill him to do so, it’s time for him to be honest about it.

"Okay. I just need you to tell her before it's too late, or if she somehow finds out through word of mouth. It'll be harder for her, and it could seriously fuck everything up." Jisung looks up at Minho and he can't even lie, he feels his heart ache a bit seeing how distraught and conflicted he is. He knows he loves you, and that has never changed. He just made the wrong choices.

"I.. I know. I'm going to." Minho swallows the lump in his throat before shifting his attention to Jisung. "I'm sorry."

"I'm just afraid." Jisung says lowly. "It's not that I don't trust you to do better, I just hate seeing her hurt. She's been through so much, and the whole reason I did this was because I just wanted to give her time." Jisung shrugs. "Time to get used to the world and being in it again. I didn't want to see her shrink and hide from the world again. That's all."

"I made some really dumb mistakes, but I wouldn't hurt her. Not again. I'm learning from all of that, and I don't ever wanna go back."

"Yeah." Is all Jisung responds with because of course he wants to trust him. But, he'd be lying if he said he does fully. He can't. Not after he sees Minho prove himself a bit more. "You're going to tell her about that night too, right?"

"Yeah, I have to. I'm sorry, I really am." Minho repeats.

"I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry I haven't really been there for you but.. Y/N." He looks at Minho and shrugs. "Maybe time would be really good for the both of you."

"I understand. I really do. However this pans out, I'll be there for her. I'll respect her space and give her all the time she needs." Minho's thoughts shift back to that night, his heart wrenching thinking about it because not only had he broken up with you once over Kat, but he acted like he chose her that night. When in reality, that was never the case. You got back together and things seemed great— until that very night. The argument was huge, Minho can still hear the yelling repeating in his head; over and over again like a fucking siren. 

You got back together with him because you trusted him to love you, to protect you and keep you safe.

But, he didn't. He didn't protect you, keep you safe. He acted like he chose her that night.

He let you leave even though he shouldn't have.

"Either way— please." Jisung says close to a whisper. "All I ask is that you're sure this time. No more playing with her emotions, no more second-guessing her. Please mean it."

☁︎ FLASHBACK | SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE

When Jisung is finally able to get you to bed so that you can take a nap, he leaves a note saying he'll be back and that he's grabbing some food for you to eat later.

Which, isn't entirely a lie. But, he has other plans right now.

He's fuming as he pulls off to the side of the curb, barely putting the car in park before he's hopping out and racing to the apartment.

"The hell is wrong with you?!" Jisung storms into the shared apartment and pushes Minho.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Minho pushes him back. "Not today, Jisung. I'm not doing this—"

"No, you don't get to do that. I just left Y/N after she's been crying for hours over you!"

"Am I fucking wrong to be honest?! I just think we need some time apart to figure things out."

"Figure things out? You've clearly figured things out. If I only knew you'd pull this and leave her for somebody else, I wouldn't have let this shit happen in the first place." Jisung furrows his brows at him and shakes his head. "You don't even look like you care—"

"Of course I do!" Minho's tone raises. "God, it was the fucking hardest thing to do! Of course I care about her, that's why I didn't wanna hurt her more!"

"Then why do it!" Jisung yells back. 

"I don't know!" It falls silent between the two before Minho lets out a breath and runs his hand through his hair. "I don't know what to tell you. I really tried not to, but it just wasn't happening. It wasn't working." Jisung scoffs.

"All because of Kat?" Silence, again. "What the hell has Kat given you that Y/N hasn't?" More silence. "Right."

"I'm sorry." Minho says lowly. "I love Y/N, I do. I just haven't felt in love with her for awhile now. I don't really know what it is, I thought maybe—"

"Bullshit! Not with the way you easily disposed of her and made her feel replaceable." Jisung shakes his head. "You don't get to say shit. There's gonna be a day when you realize that tossing your relationship over one girl wasn't worth it, but I hope you don't come crawling back. Y/N is worth way more than that." Jisung begins to walk away but comes back to face Minho once more, stepping closer towards him. "I trusted you. I really trusted you to take care of her and be there for her. I would've understood if you two needed some time apart, but never would I have imagined that you'd do it over another girl." Jisung probably sound so ridiculous calling his bestfriend out, but what can he say? He really is upset, and he really did trust Minho to take care of you. There wasn't a single thing that made Jisung think he'd ever leave your side. Sure, he noticed Minho getting close to Kat, but he didn't think it'd get to the point of this—

Of hurting you, leaving you;

Making you think you were disposable. Replaceable. Not worthy enough to stay.

Because you are worthy, you are all the amazing things and then some. If it's anybody who would know, it's Jisung. You've always been his other half, and he knows how big your heart is. You've always put everyone else before yourself, and you've always given your all— loved harder than anybody else has loved.

Minho was making a mistake.

But Minho is also his bestfriend, and he knows he would prefer for him to be honest. He wouldn't want him to go behind your back, god no. He just doesn't understand Minho's thinking process, and maybe he never will.

Wasn't this just a phase?

Was it really worth throwing it all away to see if something new would make him happy?

Maybe. 

Jisung doesn't really understand it entirely.

What he does know is that he's angry at Minho, and he's hurting to see you cry. What he does know is that he can't really look at Minho right now, and he can't really talk to him. What he does know is that he may not be able to talk to him properly for awhile. 

"What just happened here?" Chan asks, confused as he walks through the door. He feels the tension already, and he's not sure how to react. He's barely seen Minho and Jisung like this.

"I don't know, ask him. Maybe he'll tell you more." Jisung diverts his attention to Chan briefly before returning to Minho. "Whatever. Do you, dude. But, keep your bullshit away from Y/N."

☁︎ END

♡ taglist: @ppiri-bahng @jihanlovic @meloncremesoda @sweetlikecherry @asjkdk @hoes4lino @skzddicted @skzho @edgaralienpoe @harui-zen @bestleeknowstan @havenwithleeknow @septicrebel @heesdazed @borahae-reads @yoontaethings @pearbunny @bintific @lukeys-giggle @ajxreads @everglowdaisies @allaboutsan @endzii23 @leeknowsramen @heres-your-ramen2000 @morningstardada @mal-lunar-28 @downbadreading @lilysophie @feelikecinderella @urmomma0324 @ddazed-lhs @djeniryuu @melanctton @i8rsie @maru-matt @sleepyleeji @taerifin @nattisbored @jisunglyricist @m111nho @drhsthl @nixtape-foryou @arminseas @guiltycoco @syuuji @sulkygyu @cadihyo @reianagarcia @leeknowyah @smndjdufuehr @dprkbyn @xxibreinaxx @mxnsxngie @reiheis @mellowmentalitydragon @vixensss

[leikeliscomet]

Heartstopper's Aspec Representation Isn't For Me - And That's Okay (Mini Essay)

Spoilers for Series 3!

So I just finished series 3 and I feel conflicted. I don't hate Heartstopper at all. I think it's a very cute show. I'm happy queer baby gen z and gen alpha have something to see themselves in, I love how Tara, a darkskin Black lesbian girl is happy in her relationship. I'm happy Isaac makes my fellow aspecs happy. I'm happy Charlie tore Ben's singlet in series 2 and for once the victim/survivor is allowed to not forgive their assaulter. I like Heartstopper's little moments but I've felt like something was missing overall and now we're on the third season, I think I know what it is now. There's comments on BL and yaoi by Alice Oseman I don't fully agree with, some of the acting in the show could be a bit better I guess, most of the characters are comfortably in the British middle class and I am a grown adult now so my interest in school/teen dramas has dipped a little bit (but not you Waterloo Road ily <3). So to an extent, there were always gonna be limits on how much I enjoy this show, but nevertheless, I still think they're worth pointing out, especially if we're claiming Heartstopper for the next gen of queer rep. Because honestly having watched shows like Heartbreak High and Koisenu Futari plus being a massive Selah and the Spades fan, I feel a bit robbed in terms of quality.

Isaac still feels underdeveloped and for a show that's been going on for 3 series now this feels disappointing. Like obviously Nick and Charlie get all the screentime as they're the main characters. Tao and Elle got a lot more juicer storylines from s2, Tara and Darcy got more to work with this series even if it was rushed (oh I miss you long series 2010s shows), but Isaac still feels leaps behind everyone else. He didn't really get anything in series 1. In series 2 we saw him coming to terms with his identity which felt like a good starting point but I was still waiting for the 'big asexual plans' Alice Oseman promised and... nothing. I liked his comment about googling aromanticism to Charlie because the representation by PowerPoint style of aspec writing can get tired. I also liked his moment of feeling left out by his friends plus still wanting to know Nick and Charlie's tea, giving him sexual agency whilst aroace instead of feeding into infantilisation. But apart from that... nothing. I wanted to feel more moved by the aquarium scene, but it felt tacked on because whilst Isaac's upset was justified, Imogen just wanted to chat about gay fish, so Isaac came across as a little passive-aggressive instead of what was supposed to be his moment. Plus it feels a little backhanded how much effort series 1 went to in how big coming to terms with your identity is, plus the gorgeous way Isaac's aroace revelation was filmed in series 2 was filmed just to have him blurt it out in an aquarium and have barely any of his friends actually support him like he supported them. But life imitates art I guess. This whole season we've seen characters talking about university plans, gap years and going through the post-16 struggle. But what about Isaac? We never find out what uni he wants to go to or even if he wants to go. What subjects does he like? What job does he want post-school? What's his relationship like with his family? The people need to know! I always found it weird how Isaac was left out to the point where straight characters, whilst still bearing in mind that Tao x Elle is an interracial pairing between two POC and one of which is a trans girl and this is very rare and deserved representation too, had gotten more screentime than him. Imogen, Sahar, Mr Ajayi and Mr Farouk had all been introduced for bigger storylines but Isaac, despite being in the main group, still had to wait for his share. This series was such a huge moment for everyone but Isaac... again. And whilst I'm happy if everyone else is, I genuinely feel like we all deserve better.

Tori was given bigger moments this series and that was great because I was waiting for my introverted slurping sister to come through. Her concern and care for Charlie and jealousy of Nick were great plus with the introduction of Michael, it was all leading to the big reveal of Tori being ace, right? Right? Wrong, because this scene was cut from the ferris wheel moment and I have no idea why. Oseman confirmed it was because Tori's storyline will continue in s4 and she didn't want to rush it but like, what? Series 3, at least in my eyes, did an alright job at building up her coming out. And again, if Nick could get his bi awakening in a one series arc, why can't this asexual character then too? They also covered Darcy's non-binary transition and coming out in this series too so I don't know why there wasn't room for Tori apparently. There was plenty of room for an 'I'm asexual' within those 5 minutes. Waiting to develop her in series 4, which is yet to be confirmed and likely to be the show's last series so it will already have a lot to do with wrapping up the Nick x Charlie saga seems like a poor decision. This is the second time we've had to wait till next season for the aspec character's arc by the way.

I'd like to see some aroallo POVs on this but this season put a lot of emphasis on linking love and sex together and it felt a bit strange icl. Yes, they're linked socially/societally and it's great to have sex with someone you love and love someone you have sex with etc etc etc but the first 2 series made a point of separating the two by showing love without sex and how it was just as meaningful. Almost every time a character was sexually attracted to another e.g. calling them hot or started making out because they wanted to have sex in that given moment there would be a dialogue from one of them going 'it's okay we're in love 'it's normal you're in love' 'well that's what people in love do!' and these are all correct statements but like... we get it! You don't have to be head over heels in love to find someone sexually attractive or just want to have sex with them. It's okay if you're not in love too y'know? I'm not sure what that constant reassurance was for because depicting sex without love isn't as pearl clutchy as it seems when all parties are safe, consenting and comfortable, or, if you've ever had any knowledge about aro(allo) spaces tbf. Nick and Charlie are not aspec and are very much sexually attracted to each other so the conclusion of them having sex isn't surprising at all, especially when I already knew from tweets back in series 1 that Heartstopper the comic already had a storyline later on of the two having sex for the first time. Plus the other characters aren't aspec either so their sexual debuts are also unsurprising and deserved. Plus, I'm actually glad they included Tara and Darcy having sex because many 'sex positive' shows seem to leave out the lesbians. But for a show with an aroace creator and aspec characters, the depictions of romance and sex don't feel like they were written from an aspec lense or for an aspec audience. It's normal for people to be romantically and sexually attracted to each other and then date and have sex. But if you're aspec, you know this. We all know this. This is the mainstream and default depiction of human (hetero)sexuality. We're watching the queer shows to see something different from that. When romance without sex can only hinge on the characters being below the age of consent plus a supposed 'innocence' due to their young age and sex without love is non existent, plus when you factor in how there are no aroallo or alloace characters in the show with 'groundbreaking' aspec representation, it makes for a bit of a headscratcher. Heartstopper may be made by an aspec, has aspec characters and aspec fans, I don't consider it an aspec show. Bit sad, but it is what it is.

It's honestly strange how despite this fact, asexuality and aromanticism is barely mentioned in the main discourse about this show. Antis claim Oseman is a cishet woman despite being non-binary and aroace. They blame the sexlessness of the show on puritanism despite Oseman being aroace. There's constant arguments about how 'unrealistic' it is for teenagers to not have sex despite Isaac being a whole teenage aroace and how some people just didn't have sex in their teens... like aspecs. People are annoyed the show keeps giving Isaac aromantic and asexual storylines because it's 'not as important' and they 'don't care' as if he's not a main cast member and again, the creator is aroace! If you look at the promo pictures of the show, it has the main three pairings, Nick and Charlie, Tao and Elle and Tara and Darcy and no Isaac. Despite the fact it's supposed to be 'for' us and made by one of us, it's not. And a lot of non aspec queer fans watching the show don't see it for us despite being made by one of us either. And that's a real shame.

I'm fully aware Oseman knows about writing aroace characters from the book Loveless, which has an aroace MC. But I think Netflix choosing to adapt Heartstopper over Loveless was intentional. I think Netflix creating Isaac instead of Aled, a demi gay non-binary character from the og comic, was intentional. I think all the decisions Netlix made with Isaac and Tori are intentional, the same way bringing Yasmin Benoit to the Sex Education writers room to cut half of O's storylines was intentional. Netflix has fumbled the bag with asexual and aromantic representation several times now (Cash Piggot and Todd notwithstanding) so at this point, I'm not surprised anymore. Again, I'm happy for anyone who really likes Heartstopper, but I've finally accepted that it's not for me. And that's okay. When someone makes the predominantly aspec, slightly more grown, queer show with fully fleshed out arcs for its's asexual and/or aromantic characters or hits up Lovie Simone for the scrapped Selah and the Spades TV show, I know where I'll be.

We deserved our moments too. We deserve our Heartstopper.

[ificouldhelpyouforget]

Desiderium (Bang Chan x OFC)

MASTERLIST | Part Two (Coming soon)

Summary: desiderium (noun): an ardent desire or longing; a feeling of loss or grief for something lost

A/N: This was inspired by a TikTok where Chan looking totally normal at an event, but combined with a wedding kdrama scene, totally wrecked me emotionally.

Warnings: Heartbreak, longing, language, jumps from past to present a few times, mentions of sex (no smut)

Words: 2.5k

—

It was the biggest day of her life. Friends and family gathering together to watch her make a lifelong commitment to the man she said yes to. After all the planning and preparing, she was moving into a new chapter, one where she would stand beside her love as they navigate life as one. It was all she ever wanted. And yet…

The ceremony went on without issue. No one objected to the union–not that she expected anyone to do so. They said their vows just right. Thunderous applause met them as the dj introduced them into the reception. Everything was perfect.

Until it wasn’t. Until she saw him.

Bang Chan. Chan. Chris… Channie, she called him the most.

Of course, he was still so beautiful. He was always in her eyes. Everything about him is why she fell so hard.

“Let go, you stupid fucking–”

“Need some help?”

She looked up from where she was attempting to pull her rolling work bag off the escalator. It was the middle of the night in the airport and she was just getting back from a weekend work trip, so hearing another voice in the mostly empty area shocked her enough to jump.

The man hid a giggle behind a cough. “Sorry ‘bout that. Do you need help?”

“Yes, please. The escalator is pissing me off.”

“Bad day?” Of course, it took nothing for him to pull it off the escalator and set it on the ground.

He was cute. A black ball cap sat on his head, but she could see a mass of messy brown curls peeking out from under the brim. His eyes were warm and welcoming. His smile, so unbelievably adorable with the dimples framing his plump lips.

“Bad weekend. Work trip. Just got back and I’m dying to get some sleep. But they lost my luggage, so I’m trying to get that sorted. It’s been a mess since I landed.”

“That’s rough. I hope it doesn’t take long to find your stuff.”

“Yeah,” she said. “Well, thank you for helping me out.”

“No problem. It’s Chris, by the way. Or Chan. Uh, either works.”

“Maisie. Most people call me May.” She noticed the bag hanging off his shoulder. “Leaving or coming back?”

“Coming back. Had to get back early for something. Work.” He looked over his shoulder as if checking for someone.

“Gotta love the grind. Well, maybe I’ll see you around, Chan.”

“You live in Korea? That’s why your Korean is so good.”

“Maybe I’m just good with languages,” she teased. “No, I live here. It was easier for work since a lot of clients live here, Japan, and China.”

“That’s cool.” His name was called out by a serious-looking man in all black, much like Chan. “Ah, well, gotta go. See you around?”

“Maybe! Thank you again.”

“Not a problem. Get home safe.”

“You, too.”

The crazy thing was, she saw him around. A lot. She found out he was in a k-pop group, Stray Kids. She dabbled in some music from SHINee and BTS in the past, but rarely sought out new music when work got busier. But then she started noticing Chan’s face everywhere–a concert announcement more often than not.

When she saw him again in the flesh, it was in a coffee shop on her side of town, a decent walk from the company he worked for. She pondered if it was because he was trying to get some privacy. It almost kept her from waving at him when he looked in her direction. The way his eyes lit up once he recognized her still brought a flutter to her heart. 

That was when it started.

The friendship. The hanging out. The secret dates. The phone calls. The stolen kisses. The midnight meetings. The gifts. The sex. The pure, unreal love that grew between them. They were happy. Truly. Maisie could never forget his shy smiles that turned into laughter when she showed him affection. His laughs were everything.

And there he was, hair straightened over his forehead, making him look intense, his heavy gaze matching. A smile was nowhere to be found. So many mornings she woke up to the softness of his gaze, the curls of his hair. His untamed hair he constantly complained about always enamored her. And those eyes, so dark under the shade of his bangs, but she only could remember the gentle brown of them. All of his emotions settled in those eyes, something she could still see in the romantic setting of her reception.

“They found out.”

“Who?”

Chan took his baseball cap and mask off as he walked into her apartment. “Stay. They found out about us.”

“Oh…” They told the company about their relationship. The other members knew, too, but they wanted to wait before telling fans. It was mostly out of precaution, since Chan had too many friends bullied out of healthy relationships.

“It’s already a mess. The things they’re saying about you…” Tears well up in his eyes. “It’s getting bad.”

“What do we do?”

Tears fell. “The company wants us to end it. They are worried of a boycott.”

Her heart shattered. “What? But… But… I’m not keeping you from the group! I would never come between you and your job or stays.”

“I know that.” Chan cupped her face and wiped her tears away while his fall rapidly. “The members know that, too.”

“Then why can’t we still be together?”

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to do.” He pulled her into his chest and cried into her hair. “I don’t know what to do…”

She clutched his shirt, shedding more tears into the fabric.

They cried the rest of the night, their last night as a couple because they knew the company would keep them apart if the fan out rage resulted in a loss of revenue.

Their last night, despite the tears, was still full of laughter and kisses and love… but it eventually had to end.

Chan’s fingers trailed up and down her bare side, his eyes scanning over her face as if burning her features to memory. Her hand pressed to his warm chest to feel his heartbeat, slowed after laying still for some time.

“Is this really it for us?” she asked, the prickle of tears at the back of her eyes.

He sucked in a breath. “I don’t want it to be.”

It was quiet for a moment until she leaned in to kiss his forehead and then his lips.

“I love you, Channie. I always will.”

“I love you, too, Maisie.” His breath shook as he hugged her close. “It won’t be the same without you.”

“I wish they’d let you be happy.”

“I’m sorry this is happening and hurting you.”

She ran her pointer finger down the bridge of his nose and around the shape of his lips. She’s going to miss him so much. “And I’m sorry you’re being hurt by your fans. You don’t deserve this. No one in the public eye deserves this.”

He sighed and turned to lie on his back, welcoming her as she snuggled into his side. “I’m gonna have to leave soon.”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I know.”

“Do you think… we can get a second chance later on?”

“Maybe, but don’t wait for me, okay? Don’t miss out on happiness because of me.”

“What if you are my happiness?”

A watery smile met her blurry gaze. “You will find it again. Even if it’s not with me.”

It wasn’t long after than when Chan left, taking a piece of her broken heart and leaving some of his behind.

It took years for her to feel like her world wasn’t crashing around her at the sight of his pictures or the sound of his voice in a song. And that was about the time she met the man she could call her husband. She loved him. A different love, but still love. It was hardly a cushion with the sad stare from the man she once thought she’d walk down the aisle to cutting right through her soul.

She had to talk to him… if he wanted to talk.

“Hey,” she said to her husband, tapping his arm to get his attention. “I need to run to the bathroom. Don’t start the toasts without me.”

“Do you need any help?”

“No, I’ll be okay. Be back soon.” She kissed his cheek and got up.

Her eyes went to Chan, and he was already staring. She didn’t drop her gaze until she exited the banquet hall, hoping he understood.

She stood outside the building, waiting. And waiting… and waiting.

“Dammit,” she murmured, feeling tears settle at her waterline.

Turning back to go inside, her body collided with another. As an apology started spilling from her lips, she looked up into familiar eyes. “Channie.”

He smiled. “Maisie.”

“How… How did you know about this?”

“Got an invitation. Guess you didn’t know.”

“My hus-husband must have found your contact information and sent you one. I’m sorry about that.”

“Nah. I’m happy I came.” It didn’t reach his eyes. “You look beautiful.”

There was no need to keep her short choked sob. “Thank… Thank you.”

“Hey, you’re supposed to be smiling. It’s your wedding day.”

“Oh, God, they’re going to ask questions if I come back crying.”

Chan pulled a tissue out of a pack in his pocket. “Dab. Don’t wipe. Your eyes won’t look as red.”

She takes him in, in his black suit jacket that barely hides the tan shirt under it, although it’s buttoned. “You look good. Healthy.”

“I’ve been working out and eating more of what I want. Taking care of myself.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

A cricket started chirping nearby, filling the silence between them. It felt like a countdown to possibly their last moment together.

“Are you happy?” he finally asked, face stoic.

She smiled. “Yes. A different happy.”

“Good.” Expectedly, his eyes are glassy. “I’m sorry for what happened.”

“Chan, it wasn’t your fault. There was nothing we could do.”

“Yeah, but if I hadn’t fallen for you, you never would have gone through it.”

She grabbed his hand in both of hers. The spark was still there. “You made me the happiest woman in the world. It might have been short-lived, but I don’t regret what happened because at least I had time with you. And those are some of my most precious memories.”

“You can’t hang onto those anymore. You’re married, and he needs to be your priority.”

“Channie.” Both paused, hearing the nickname spoken again. “I didn’t lie when I told you I will always love you. I may love someone else, but I never stopped loving you. I’m not letting go of my memories with you.”

He cleared his throat, shook his head, his way of keep himself from crying. “You should probably go back in there. Someone might come out here and wonder why you’re with another man.”

“I don’t care… I’m not ready to not see you again for the rest of the night.”

“I’ll see you before you leave.”

“Promise?”

Yeah. Promise.”

Except she didn’t get a chance as the toasts, the cake cutting, the dances swept her up. Then she was suddenly standing in the doorway of the banquet hall, guests lined up on either side, down to the car. It was the end, the last hurrah before her life as a married woman would truly begin.

And the man she wanted to see one last time was nowhere. How does one feel both happiness and the deepest heartbreak at once and manage not to fall apart?

“Ready?” her new husband asked, taking her hand and squeezing.

“Yeah.” She tried so hard to feel her joy of the day again.

They were walking too fast. She couldn’t find Chan in the crowd. She wouldn’t get her last goodbye.

They each hug their families waiting at the end, her eyes still seeking for him. But she received her last hug, and it was time to get in the car.

Maisie turned away. A hand on her wrist kept her from taking a step. Her teary eyes follow the hand to the man she was begging the universe to let her see one more time. Her arms wrap around his shoulders lightning fast.

“Take care of yourself, Channie. I… I love you.” Her words were a whisper.

He squeezed her tightly, glancing up to see her husband finishing his goodbyes to his family. There was no way he could say it back. If he said it, he’d whisk her away and say fuck it to the haters. But he couldn’t say it back. Not this time.

“Have a beautiful life together, yeah? Always be happy.”

“I want that for you, too.”

He smiled down at her, slowly detaching himself from the hug, from the moment. “One day.”

Before she could say anything more, her husband called out to her with a wide grin. It was time to go.

“See ya, newlywed.” Chan smiled, his eyes turning into crescents to hide the evidence of his heart breaking all over again.

“Bye, Chan.”

The space between them grew. She didn’t look back, a smile given to everyone before climbing into the vehicle. Once those doors shut, her eyes were on Chan as he stared back with a solemn look. It felt like that morning all those years ago. It took everything in her to keep from crying, as her chest ached all the same.

Chan watched the car pull away and only then could he utter his true feelings into the wind, a pathetic wish to be her husband instead. A silent cry for the cruelty of the universe to give him someone to love so deeply, only to rip her away for someone else to have. Fuck the universe. Fuck the reason it ended… Fuck love.

Maisie lets her forehead rest against the window, the sorrow trying to swallow her up again. What a cruel twist of fate.

“Hey, you okay?” Her husband reached over to take her hand.

“Yeah… Just tired.”

“We’ll get some sleep soon.” A pause. “Who was that guy you hugged? Cousin?”

“An old friend. He helped me at the airport forever ago. His job made it hard to maintain our friendship, so it surprised me to see him.”

“Are you happy he came?”

She looked at him with a little smile. “I am. It was nice to see him again.” It was the truth.

“Good. I’m glad.” He squeezed her hand. “Wanna put on some of your favorite music?”

Any excuse to keep away more questions about her mood and Chan. She sets her most played playlist on shuffle. The soft piano started and the silent tears began instantly. Chan’s soft voice started over the piano.

The world was cruel indeed.

[thatscarletflycatcher]

WHO HAD A SECRET RELATIONSHIP WITH WHOM?!

@miraculoushedgehog replied to your post: I need this info on 81’ Thomas 😂

In Sense and Sensibility 1981, the servants of Barton cottage are not ones coming with the Dashwoods from Norland; whether sir John sent them or they are just a fixture of the place, the series doesn't tell us, but they do get a grand introduction:

Thomas, who is doing some gardening as he awaits the Dashwoodses, with as much or more enthusiasm as Mr Collins' noticing Lady Catherine's carriage, tells the maid when he sees the carriage:

Darcy cannot fix the hour or the spot? Skill issue. This man certainly can, as he ran inside, put on a coat and proceeded to greet them:

What a meet cute! Ma Dashwood is not at all displeased:

She has not withdrawn her hand! she smiles at him!

I know who this woman was voting for on that tournament.

Once she moves past him, he pointedly looks at her as she makes her way to the front door, and then adds:

He introduces Susan, and then:

He's taken with her!

You'd say, Scarlet, you are reading too much into this! these are just some perfunctory introductory lines!

Well, you are wrong, because this sequence hasn't ended yet! I'm tempted to think this is the servant character with the most lines in any Austen adaptation. Which reinforces my theory that this is done ON PURPOSE :P

He shows her the different rooms, and then:

He smiles at her approval, and clearly attempts to prolong their conversation with:

Realizing perhaps this is pushing his luck, as she doesn't answer, he adds:

This is not the last time we see him in this very episode, as he comes in to assuage Lady Middleton's fears that her son might be injured, and informing all that only his cucumber frame has been destroyed, showing with that his great presence of mind.

Episode 2. Tom, who introduced himself last episode as doing gardening and odd jobs, has been ascended to doorman:

After we meet Willoughby, the same way Andrew Davies treated us to some wet shirt Edward, we are treated to some Tom doing physical labour, clearly highlighting how romance is blossoming in parallel between so similar a mother and a daughter:

He stops to listen to Marianne and Willoughby sing a song:

The face of a man in love!

The Queen Maab scene follows this one, and then, as Marianne and Willoughby are singing again another day, what do we see first as background to their singing?

Ma Dashwood! Carrying flowers! This is such an obvious yet subtle romantic parallel. This is the kind of soft romantic storytelling I'm here for.

That's Willoughby's carriage as he's brought back Marianne from Allenham. Would Thomas be complete if he didn't love horses?

Episode 3: We open with some Thomas working in the background:

So that we not forget his real relevance in this story's subtext.

Ma Dashwood not even trying to be subtle.

Another Tom cameo:

And another:

Ma Dashwood's reaction upon hearing that Mrs Jennings has invited Elinor and Marianne to go to London with her:

It is worth mentioning that in this adaptation, there's no Margaret. Ma Dashwood is not sick. There's absolutely no reason for her not to be invited, so why didn't Mrs Jennings invite her? Well, of course, because with her nose for romance she's sniffed her secret out! Ma Dashwood does then demolish all Elinor's objections, is truly overjoyed at the idea of being left behind, and explicitly mentions her having Tom and Susan with her as a reason for Elinor and Marianne to go with a clean conscience.

Ma Dashwood's face after her daughters leave the room:

During episodes 4-5, the series of course focuses on our main heroines in London and Cleveland, leaving us to imagine the full blossoming of this romance happening at Barton cottage, and all the angst and heartbreak that their class separation imposes on these middle aged lovers. Ma Dashwood may be a romantic, but she understands that her daughters come first.

As soon as we return to Barton in episode 6, so returns our favorite gardener-doorman-oodjobman Tom! Without seeing him, Ma Dashwood recognizes his way of shutting the front door, and calls his name, and then smiles at his answering:

♪ So this is love... ♫ (notice Elinor drawing Edward's portrait)

(Then we get the "Thomas tells them Mr Ferrars is married" scene)

Then this scene follows:

It's a really clever piece of writing, where the writers both show us the grown intimacy, respect and appreciation between them, and give us a nice metaphor, where the flowers of the hedgerow, that represent Tom, are picked by Ma Dashwood, beautiful in her eyes, and made fit for polite society. Alas, the crucial question remains: how can they love be, without ruining Marianne and Elinor's prospects?

As we all know, Edward comes and proposes to Elinor, and marries her. We are then treated to a visit of colonel Brandon, where Ma Dashwood sees how much Marianne's feelings and attitudes towards the colonel have changed.

The last line and frame of the adaptation belongs to Ma Dashwood:

That would, to any distracted viewer, seem very odd. Why that? And why that line? But for the attentive viewer who has been able to piece together the little drama behind the curtains, it's patently clear: she has realized that Marianne will marry Brandon, and once that happens, she will be free to have her own second happily ever after herself, with Tom, the gardener of her heart.

[bilbosmom-belladonna]

Fanfic writer interview

Thank you for the tag, dear @insertmeaningfulusername!

What fandoms do you write in?

Various Star Wars media, though primarily Clone Wars, and also Stranger Things.

How many words have you published in 2024?

334,213, which. Good lord, that's a lot! A good 90K of that was written in 2023 and published in early 2024 but like. Still.

What are your top three fics you’ve written this year?

Well, it's hard to choose among the 21 (wut) fics I wrote in 2024, but I'll try!

Reasons to Celebrate is a Star Wars, Waxer/Boil hanahaki comedy, which is really its own advertisement, I think! The idea was so hilarious to me and writing it was a lot of fun.

Summer Lovin' Happened So Fast is a Stranger Things, Steddie one-shot. It is just chock-full of summertime vibes and I tried, as much as I could, to evoke a lot of sensory things that really bring me back to that season. Plus I think it's pretty cute!

The Farmhouse is a Star Wars, Cody/Fox story that was written for the 2024 Clone Bang! It was heavily inspired by a real place I got to visit and is a very different pace of story from most of my long fics, I think. Also I got to do a lot of fun worldbuilding!

What was your biggest pit of despair moment?

Woof. Well, in my hubrisambition this year I signed up for two big bangs which overlapped in the fall. And planned to write 50K+ fics for both. Somewhere in the middle I realized that that a) was a really bad idea and b) started to make writing feel a lot like a chore and less like a hobby.

Now, I do believe pretty strongly in the idea of writing even when you're not "feeling inspired" because muses are fickle, and generally I love writing for events and even thrive on deadlines. But it very quickly became a source of stress and really took a lot of the joy out of writing both fics, and even now I kind of struggle to love them as much as other things I've written. Lessons learned.

What have you learned?

Haha, well, not to bite off more than I can chew! And frankly I think I've learned my limits a bit, not just for events but for writing as a whole. I've been taking a break for a little while now and I think it's really helping. Gotta pace myself!

Did you beta any fics? Any faves you want to shout out?

I've never betaed, no.

What three fics have you read this year that you love?

Only three? Heartless, wicked, cruel! I will do my best.

all that's said in the low light by headlocket is a Call of Duty, Soap/Ghost fic that's just, ugh. Stunning. I don't usually go in for serious injury/chronic disability stories, not my cup of tea, but this one is so beautifully done and so sensitive without being preachy and so in-character in the most stilted, emotionally constipated way, hnnggg. What an absolute joy.

crystalizing clear as day (oh, i can picture you so easily) by the wonderful @inconocible is a Star Wars, Rex/Fives/Echo (with a side of Rex/Cody) story that takes place after Order 66. I don't think I'll ever get over the "pining for someone who's right in front of you" concept and this one really, beautifully delivers.

Undercover Work is an anonymously written Star Wars Rebels, Zeb/Kallus story that I adore for how it treats Kallus. The man is ruthless to a fault, even when he's working for the good guys, and the way he simply can't comprehend their relationship being anything other than transactional is as perfect as it is heartbreaking.

What ideas are percolating for next year?

Well, I'll be taking part in Waxer*Boil Month again this year, though I haven't started on those yet... And I've got a few things that I've started that I'm still hoping to finish in 2025 (stubbornly refusing to close the Gdocs tab counts as working on them, right?) including some additional scenes to my Steddie fic Maybe 10% Better and a TCW rarepair fic that I really really want to get out there.

This was a fun one! No-pressure tagging @cacodaemonia @elismor @mojowitchcraft @maplerosekisses

[whenthegoldrays]

TOP TEN CHEONGCHAN MOMENTS (according to me)

10. “We live in different worlds”

I cried so hard with this scene, with Yichan being worried about Cheong-ah and her pushing him away while he tries so hard! “Music is something you feel with your eyes, mind, and heart” is so achingly beautiful.

9. “I can’t sparkle like you”

The prelude to number 10, another heartbreaking scene where Yichan is so obviously falling for her but she only feels like the same pitied, rejected girl. It hurts but it’s so good!

8. The basement scene

Okay, enough pain! This scene is simply peak comedy to me and I love how you can almost see her heartbeat speeding up as she realizes she’s face to face with her crush. Also the way he tries to help her / make her laugh / cheer her up in all the ways he can is adorable.

7. Suds

The cutest scene ever!! Just domestic coziness, a moment of warm sun and joy in the middle of the hard times.

6. “Do you like me?”

Maybe I’m extra attached to this scene because it was my first introduction ever to this show, but it’s just so good! Cheong-ah being so brave and honest about her feelings for him, and the falling backwards!! Perfection in twenty seconds.

5. The alley scene

I think this was the moment she truly knew he liked her. The glance they share! The way he defends her! Even after he’s gotten the harassers away from Cheong-ah and she can’t hear them smack talking her, Yichan can and he doesn’t stand for it! Plus, it’s a perfect redemption for when he hurt her feelings back when he didn’t know she was deaf.

4. Viva La Vida

Such a cute little bonding moment for them, where she can bring him into her world a little by showing him her interests and teach him some sign language now that she’s decided to really learn it! And the way she inspires him with her motto is so <3

3. “We’re friends from now on”

When he tells her to get better, notices her smile, calls her name! The butterflies! The sweetness! And he remembers that Eun Gyeol mentioned her, and instead of it scaring him off, he asks about it and gives it a chance! (I refuse to believe he wasn’t just a liiittle smitten with her already)

2. “This is for you and only you”

Listen. Listen to me. He learned an entire song in sign language. For her. He was going to perform it in front of everyone but since it didn’t work out, he says “then I’m doing it just for her.” And that is the moment. The oh. The biggest expression of love anyone had ever shown her. How could she not show her love in return?

1. “A shining voice”

*wipes tears from my eyes* firstly, the attention Cheong-ah has paid to Yichan up to this point to be able to give him a fitting name. Secondly, how the restless, loud Yichan is completely calm and softened while sitting with her and talking with her. Third (!!!) the parallel to how he fell in love with her voice (her sign language) in the original timeline. Here, she loves his voice, even if she can’t hear it. She can feel it! And finally how Cheong-ah doing this for him fills him with such an overwhelming love for her that he kisses her. We can all pack it up, romance peaked in this park in June of 1995.

[m1ssunderstanding]

Get Back Rewatch 55 Years On: Day 14

Who is this talking to Ringo? Press? A boy scruff? Someone who wants their project produced by Apple? He tries George too.

Again, I love the "freak-out" as John calls it. They really could've had so much fun together under different circumstances. (Different being neither of them ever dated John) But John's so sweet saying, "Id like it to be part of her new LP. Our new LP."

I wonder what Robert Fraser thought of the beard.

Why are we playing 20 Flight Rock now, Paul? It's just overlayed over a montage to change "scenes", but I wonder what the real context was.

Billy. What a little ray of sunshine honestly.

"So what should we do that's fun? Besides work?" I feel like every day, John has a little adorable quote, and this is today's. Words to live by.

I don't remember if Get Back includes the "Oh Darling" version where John's answering back between lines in conversation with the lyrics. I sincerely hope so. Peter Jackson was probably like "well I can only include so much homosexuality before people have too many questions."

Ringo, you smooth criminal. I love that he just has this trick he learned as a teenager that the Beatles were all impressed by, back when Ringo was the scary gangster with the car and the beard, and he still does it for them like ten years later. It's so endearing.

Another cute John and Yoko moment: "It's just that screaming all the way." "Poor John." "Yes, it's so terrible." She's teasing him and being sweet to him at the same time. Cuties.

George asks Paul where his Rickenbacker is. "Isn't that one much better?" And Paul makes up some shit about the Hoffner being lighter. You nostalgic little bitch. Poor baby.

John's little guilty look at the camera when he's almost just taken something on film. It's cute. He looks like a naughty kid. But it's kind of a cool moment. It shows just how relaxed and natural he is. He's not performing for or worried about the cameras at all. What we're seeing of him today is just him. You know? Idk I think it's nice.

What's with the little pigeon noises in the middle of a recording, guys? They're so weird smh

Poor Glyn. He's just trying to do his job and he has to deal with fucking Leopold and Leob over here. He gives them some instruction. There's a look between the two of them. And then it's all, "Don't interrupt" "Hey son" "Stahhs when" "Hey" "they're recording. We're bloody Stahhs you know." "Look fuckface. Don't comment." "The cheek." The impenetrable wall of Lennon and McCartney, folks.

"Well, we'll have to do it sitting down. Or we get too excited." It's heartbreaking to me how obvious it is that they're still just having the absolute time of their lives together and that, as John put it, "the minutes are crumbling away."

Literally what the hell is with Dennis smacking Paul's ass (as like a 'good job, your band wants to put your song out as the single' I guess) and nobody reacting? Linda would've been like "ope, time to find a new head of Apple films." (Dave Spinoza on RAM, anyone?) He really does look so proud of himself, though. Happy for you, baby.

Oh, right, that's what Robert thinks. Paul looks like his working class fantasy. (DH Lawrence. Victorian Miner.)

And I'm just going to add this, since Peter Jackson REFUSES. Paul: Can't afford to mess around here, you know. Then

[ladyknight1512]

Thank you for tagging me @welcometololaland and for kicking this off @thisbuildinghasfeelings . This was such a cute idea.

This is kinda weird for me because I only started watching the show last, idk? May? And a lot of it has been a blur so I’m just going to pick 5 random Lone Star-related memories.

1. The Before Times

By which I mean, the weeks before I even started watching the show. I know. It's weird. Just come with me on this journey.

I started watching 911 OG because I saw Oliver Stark online telling people who were angry about bisexual Buck to GTFO, and that sounded like a show I wanted to support. So I binged it and fell in love, to the point where I caught up and then I didn't want to watch Lone Star because I wasn't ready to let the OG characters go and because I thought there was no way I would love Lone Star that much. One of my IRL friends told me I had to watch it because Lone Star was better and I would love it even more. Finally I gave in and it turns out he was right.

This is one of my favourite memories because I think back to that past Marie who didn't know what she was about to get into and how much she was going to fall in love with these characters. There's a weird nostalgic anticipation that I remember so fondly.

2. The Art of Persuasion

When I love something, I want all my IRL friends to love it too and I really went in hard with Lone Star. I pestered my IRL friend B for weeks the first time I watched Lone Star. I told her all about it and about Tarlos and how much I loved it and how much she would love it too, if she would just give it a go. Finally, in a last ditch attempt, I sent her the clip of the Tarlos hook-up scene from 1x02 and she was convinced. Her reaction to that scene was hilarious and will hopefully stay with me for a very long time. Also I was right: she does love it.

3. Write the Fic You Want to See in the World

This year will be 20 years since I started writing fic (omg, I'm so old), although that hasn't been consistent. The last time I wrote anything substantial was in 2021, and the last time I was prolific in a random was during 2020 and 2021, for Rusty Quill Gaming. Tarlos changed all that. Those guys brought me back to writing in a big way and I've written something Tarlos-related basically every single day since the middle of last June. I published the first two fics in what became the ‘Fathers and Sons’ trilogy, and I'm currently writing the third; I wrote and published 26 one-shots for the ‘In Every Life’ ABC collection; and I've published three other short fics. There are others I've started and not finished, as well as a list of others I want to write once I've finished The Jonah Fic. I love writing for Tarlos probably more than any other fandom or couple I've ever written for.

4. Community Spirit

Which I guess is a great segue into the fandom! Joining this fandom was intimidating, because it felt so established and it's been around for so long. Coming in felt like walking into a party where it was clear everyone already knew each other and I was the odd person out. I'm one of those people who always kinda feels like no one actually wants me around, so carving out a little space for myself was rough, but everyone is really so nice. I still don't talk to many people because, again, I feel like no one would actually want to hear from me but I've made a real effort to comment on fics that I read, and I've had brief conversations with a couple of people. But the interest I've received from people for my own fics, particularly the ABC AUs, has blown me away and I just love getting to be part of this community.

5. In Real Time

Season 5 is the first season I've watched as it's airing and it's so fun while also being heartbreaking. Because I love that I get to experience this first-hand with all of you, but I'm also so sad that this is the only chance I'll get to do it. I wish I'd found this show sooner so I could have been a part of the weekly excitement for longer, but I'm glad to have gotten even just these 12 episodes. I can't believe how fast it's gone and I get all teary even just thinking about the last episode airing next week.

Honourable mention: Basketball

I read 'your first string' by @strandnreyes with no knowledge or interest in basketball whatsoever. Out of curiosity, I decided to watch a game or two, just to try to understand it a bit more. And it worked! But also, it turned me into a basketball fan, much to the amusement of my long-suffering friends and family, none of whom care about basketball but listen to me talk about it now at length.

In short: I've loved being part of this Lone Star community, even if I really only tapped in at the end. I'm glad I got to at least have these 8 months with you.

[elrondapologist]

RoP season 2 episode 5

Thoughts and opinions, because I have nowhere else to ramble about it Heavy spoilers below the cut ofc

Oh so, so we came back to Annatar and Celebrimbor, didn't we? And we begin to see the cracks! The end of the episode was heartbreaking; it is already easy to see the results of Annatar's manipulations and how it takes its toll on Celebrimbor. The poor elf just wanted to make a cute arts and crafts project (~~better than any made before~~) and now his "best friend" NOT ONLY outwards lies to him about dwarven rings, but also tells his protege that it was her master who she saw in the shadow realm? WHAT? Masterful.

I love it already looks like Celebrimbor is leaning a little bit back, looking into Annatar's eyes a little unsure. I was surprised by Annatar's boldness in this episode... I expected more cute smiles and sweet words. But I suppose the main reason behind it lies in time constraints. Time constraints that are also heavily noticeable in different parts of the narration; mainly, the Numenor situation. I was kind of displeased with episode 3 for the whole plot about Numenor being so shallow; it lacked the emotional stakes for me, it felt too rushed, too sudden; we as an audience seemed to lack the appreciation of golden times of Numenor to feel moved by its potential fall. But the shrine scene, if I catch you shrine scene

That was a moment when suddenly I became invested in the Numenorian plot; mostly because of the beautiful portrayal of Elendil by Lloyd Owen, but also because suddenly with the Valandil situation the whole thing became personal. It was actually surprisingly great. I am still of the opinion that this whole coup piece of plot would oh so benefit from being written a little more subtly (the motivations behind it were really hardly developed), but as for what we have in this adaptation, I loved this scene. Although I screamed with Elendil at my screen for Valandil to choose differently. AND NOW ELENDIL WILL THINK IT WAS BECAUSE OF HIS ORDER HIS SON'S BFF HE HIMSELF CALLED SON IS DEAD DEAD Captain, oh my captain The captain scene was also beautiful, because it was an exception to one thing - is it only me or this show has some serious problem with taking lordship quite… seriously? What I kinda got tired of in the plot is everyone disobeying their lords all the time; when I saw this tired face of Gil-Galad I thought he really deserves to have his scowl, it seems to be the worst position to be in Middle Earth right now: a king.

When you think everyone keeps telling you what to do and don't listen to your orders do not worry... There are like five other lords, kings and queens that have the same treatment, one queen is even I believe trapped in her tower after a coup, so it really could have been worse. The last thing about this episode: the dwarves I was kinda unnerved of how quickly the rings negatively impacted king Durin? I did not like the idea of rushing this process that much BUT I really enjoyed the explanation behind it, the idea that it is because of a direct will of Annatar and that he would gaslight Celebrimbor into thinking it was his fault. And it works! The greed and pride and deception as making the ring faulty. And the pride that keeps Celebrimbor from admitting it; the FEAR that he accidently did something not perfect, but even bad; that he may not accomplish the dream, but live the horror. (Well, Tyelpe-) The dwarves. I was to write about the dwarves! It was as always solid visually and in terms of characters, Disa is still a queen and Durin IV really needs to have his emotional Elrond back. I was trying to be upset upon the choices of king Durin, but somehow I was too happy upon him welcoming his son back to be angry. I will still regret it, I fear. 

Watcher of the deep? Also: Elrond run was epicTM

Run Elrond Run Final notes:

although as ever i have my issues with it, I loved the episode ofc

the only minus? One running Elrond scene was not enough, please, more Elrond next!!!

Annatar/Celebrimbor and dwarves plots are solid still

Numenorian plot tries his best

and as once kind of delivers

feel free to share your opinions or correct me in any way, but please let's be civil

in ao3 fashion sorry for any mistakes, I am not a native English speaker and it shows lmao

till next week, maybe? Possibly? If I have as much to say as for this episode XD

Thanks for your attention

[thecurioustale]

Urban Fires Are Heartbreaking

Los Angeles is currently experiencing the worst fire I remember it ever facing in my lifetime. Wildfires are common in the Los Angeles area nowadays, but almost always they exist in the backcountry and at the wildland–urban interface. But today's fires—and there are two separate major ones, the Palisades Fire and the Eaton Fire, and several smaller ones—have penetrated the interface threshold and are now inside the city proper. (The urban zone, not the city limits of Los Angeles itself.) To give you a sense of how critical the situation is, this disaster is one of those rare "all TV commercials and regular shows are preempted for round-the-clock local news coverage" moments.

Urban fires are scary, like all uncontrolled fires are. But more than that, they are heartbreaking. Thousands of buildings have burned; news footage shows block after block of wreckage and ruin. I was watching the webcast of the news coverage of one of the big Los Angeles networks (FOX 11), and the scenes are so surreal: a pile of unidentifiable ruin with a charred washer and dryer in the middle; a sign that is a cheery picture of a smiling tooth, with no trace of the dental office it once belonged to; an Aldi still in good condition but abandoned to its fate by firefighters, and burning live on air as the reporter speaks; a tourist mural saying "Altadena welcomes you" on a brick wall next to a collapsed building; fire trucks rushing by houses fully engulfed in flame, without stopping.

I thought this Altadental sign was cute, and it was really sad to see it standing next to a smoldering ruin.

The same Altadental sign.

These images make me so sad. In my old age I just don't have the psychological resiliency anymore to look at it with a stiff upper lip. I know that many of these homes are affluent people's homes, and I suppose that's preferable to fires sweeping through working-class neighborhoods, but I guess the bottom line is that, first of all, most of the victims are not especially affluent (particularly in the Eaton Fire zone), and, more importantly, I'm not a piece of a shit like some of the anti-capitalist folks who are so loud on here about wishing for days like this one, or the MAGA folks who are besides themselves with glee that this is happening in a deeply liberal area. At the end of the day, we are all human beings together, and I find more humanity in the video reports on the ground than I do in the online clown show. Losing your home or your business in a fire is awful. Even the people who can easily afford to bounce back from it, do not deserve it.

In a sense, the destroyed businesses are even more heartbreaking than the destroyed homes, because small businesses are the manifestation of a community. Along with schools, businesses are the key way that individual households interact and coexist together in this social space of ours we call society. Most small businesses are the embodiment of people's dreams and much very hard work, and of the work and toil of their employees—now jobless. Even the chain stores have local workforces, and franchisees are also small business owners, even if they have a big corporate logo. Destroyed businesses are very hard on a community, and hurt its ability to bounce back, doing injury to everyone.

The fires are not contained; the dry northeast winds remain relatively high; the fire hydrant infrastructure is partially inoperative; and shortly it will be nighttime again. A very rough night lies ahead for many people, and that's before the long and painful aftermath even begins. The only good news is that the official death toll is still very low, just five people—and that's very good news, considering the scope of these fires.

[campbyler]

mmm what the fuck?

how am i supposed to live like a normal functioning person after experiencing the full range of human and Inhuman emotions?

thea i love u i promise but i also want to kill u in the most cruel way possible.

i was trying to read 32k words one hour before the work and failed Miserably 😭 i only get through driving lesson part. can u believe i had to do actual work the entire day instead of reading my gay fanfiction? 💔heartbreaking misogynistic And homophobic if u ask me.

anyway. i know im going to forget something. it always happens and then im too shy to send other asks so let hope it doesn’t happen this time.

driving lesson.

don’t worry about ur manual transmission description. i’ve changed three instructors in the span of year and a half and all three of them told me different things. i didn’t notice any Big Serious issues that would be at odds with driving mechanic.

to the other news. will sucks 😭😭 not his fault Obviously. he’s naturally anxious and tbh mike didn’t give him any hints about how to feel when the car is ready to go. not mikes fault too. i bet he doesn’t even think about this little thing anymore (and cause u don’t know about them either. which is ok don’t worry about it. u probably just need to experience it ti fully understand). i was so happy when will finally manage to get the car going 😭😭 i probably called him baby too.

and then i literally passed out when i saw the mike called Him baby?? first will’s brain in denial made me questioning was it really for him or for the car. cause mike Loves that car i wouldn’t be surprised if he really call it baby from time to time. but then i remembered that we know how mike feels thanks god and i became like 85% sure that it was for will. (i also Run to check playlist right after this line. yeah i found “king of my heart” there. u make the impossible possible cause why am i listening to two of my least favorite reputation songs and genuinely enjoy them?)

i mentally add the keychains to the list of things we need to know more about. but i think it’s cute that they both not only save them but also use them almost daily. and they both choose car keys to hang the keychains on. dare i say soulmates.

*two weeks later*

also i think it’s funny they consider each other hot while driving.

and of course mike is obsessed with old expensive cars!!

are the malls in the us exactly dying? my office building is near the mall and i can guarantee u that in my country they r super alive.

ok i might be wrong but i think that the deleted scene is from bookstore part idk.

i think it’s cute that they trust each other enough to allow to choose as significant item as journals concerning that they really picky about them.

and i loved that mike blushed over a simple kiss 🫶🏻🫶🏻

(i feel like i want to catch up on everything and it’s killing me cause i write down one thing and immediately remember the other 😭)

THEY WERE SO BOYFRIENDS IN DINER!!! i don’t think i will ever recover from how cute they r and how much they actually like each other (and how single i am. as the classic said “when someone will prey on my neurodivergency….” and so on and so forth). i love that everyone can see it and im obsessed that boys don’t even want to deny it. i think a lot about the fact that mike said that they middle school sweethearts like he regrets about the missed opportunities (but also he doesn’t regret cause the thing they have now (at this exact moment. cause i still have bad feeling) is like that Because of years of semi-friendship and rivalry and unsaid confessions).

and i think even more about the fact that mike didn’t want to talk about his pretentious ivy league college. squinting so hard and taking a lot of notes (in fact writing paragraphs of analysis to my friends who has no idea what acswy).

the photobooth scene!!! omg i can’t believe u almost deleted it all??? suni is our hero! lots of hugs and kisses and thanks to them!!

i can’t believe mike talked about showing pictures to their friends in one minute and literally kissing will on them in the other. i love them they r so silly and in love and can’t get enough of each other. u can feel how close they become and that the air is thick with the newfound (and rediscovered) feelings. and they can’t live without touching and the hold hands constantly!!! all day long!!! and it’s not enough!!! and oh. i think it wasn’t the last time we saw pictures (squinting even harder).

the way max immediately cut the bullshit and asked about swearshirt. i need to know what lucas wrote to mike.

he likes him!!!

i love the difference between mikes “i know i like him but i won’t do anything about it” and wills “i need to kiss him to death right now!”

and the kiss on the backseat of mikes stupid mustang!! we were all waiting for it!

i think i reread and memorized the last part and in still shaking whenever i think about “nervous” part. mike makes will nervous!! and he makes him shake and do stupid stuff like kissing and blushing and thinking to add heart next to his name and call him his boyfriend!!! omg!!

“I’ve got you, baby” WHO WILL GET ME??? im the one who is going insane??? it’s so tender. my boys 💔💔💔

(the second time. my eyes r hurting from squinting that much. and i feel like we’ll have “el’s not stupid” kind of scene in the flashbacks)

this character hits so hard!! i’ve never doubted any of u but i can see why this one is one of ur favorite thea!

thank u so much for ur hard work. if i could draw i would to the whole ass animation of this chapter (and any other too).

love u. thank u for reading all this rambling

mmm what the fuck is RIGHT alya bc this is how i feel every time i read one of ur lovely essay comments. bc whaqt the fuck. why do u want me to CRY ALL THE TIME. (i guess it's fair considering we are making u cry with the fic itself but still . Rude)

you are so real for trying to read 32k in one hour and also so me . rly fucked up and cruel that you would have to work (even tho u threatened to murder me)...i hope you are freed from these perils Soon. don't ever be too shy to send more asks tho every ask from you is a BLESSING and a TREAT!!! EVEN WHENTHEY ARE LACED W THREATS!!!!!!!!!!!! and also tysm for validating my manual driving lesson description bc fr every video i watched was different and i was so stressed but it's FINE. ALYA SIGNED OFF ON IT SO NO ONE ELSE MATTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEAL W IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! will Does suck and that's one thing we can all agree on 💗💗💗 i was going to include a bit about likee what the engine Sounds like bc i know it sounds different when you're ready to switch gears but honest tbhly the driving scene alone is like 12k and i was super losing steam by the time i thought of it so i didn't <3 he is def a baby and mike def refers to his car as baby so he is right to be confused. but it WAS for him!! we actually aren't 100% sure of mike's feelings Yet (ch08 is meant to be the precipice of a realization, not an actual one) but obviously . we do have a pretty good idea of how he does feel. teehee. also i am glad you are enjoying komh now bc wtf......how is it one of your least faves................i support you but i am also judging u a little alya .

i think keychains will be included in one of the companions :o) also OBVIOUSLY they find each other hot while driving. they're both annoying and down bad 🙄🙄

malls here are super dying!! i think the only ones that aren't are ones in Major Cities (there's two nearby me that are pretty popular, but the other ones are mostly closed, and it's definitely been a phenomenon in the us over the last few years thanks to online shopping)!! the deleted scene is actually from the driving scene, but the bookstore scene Feels shorter bc i was truly at the point where i had nothing left to give when writing it (it was the last part of ch09 to be written), so it definitely suffered from that. if we ever do Huge post-mortem edits once acswy is over, i might go back and add to it, or write a deleted-scene-type companion, but tht's the tea w the bookstore scene <3

the diner scene was SOOOO fun to write and it had me blushing frfr. i answered this in another ask but the middle school sweethearts comment was Definitely the most insane thing that i thought of for this chapter and to me it was for sure the nail in the coffin for will of like damn. ok. he's Serious abt this. bc i think with their #history that will has trouble admitting even to himself that he likes mike, and so he'd need to feel pretty certain of how mike feels first, and after processing the middle school sweethearts comment later in the car that's what made him realize like oh damn. i Do like him. SO MUCH. and we all nodded and patted his back and said yeah baby we know. but what you described mike thinking is absolutely exactly how he feels 💗 very reminiscent and wistful, even.

LOL LITERALLY THIS HAS BEEN A UNANIMOUS COMMENT ACROSS THE BOARD OF "THANK GOD FOR SUNI" (INCLUDING MYSELF). to Explain the way i was feeling about it -- i did not initially mean to have that be a Spicy make out moment! it was supposed to read more along the lines of the thrift store scene, or even the kiss after will finished driving the mustang, so very sweet and soft and Romantic. it just didn't come out that way once i was actually writing it, and so i was nervous that i was toeing the line too heavily, or tht it was out of place with the rest of the vibe i had constructed for the chapter. a combination of suni (and abby, who got early access and acted as our second beta) being adamant that it Did fit and worked well, and me being too pressed for time/not having enough energy to rewrite that saved it from the deleted scene graveyard <3 thank god fr. they are both so fucking stupid.

the entiiiiire realization scene up from will realizing he likes mike to the very end of the chapter is my favorite thing that i have ever written i think 💗 i am just so happy with the way it turned out, especially with it being at the point in the fic that it's at!! it felt rly right for will :') also mike calling him baby!!! that was such a last minute decision but i'm so glad i went for it!! the original line was "i've got you, yeah?" but baby hit So much harder so shout out to editing thea for making that change 🤸 will wants to add a heart next to mike's name in his phone SOOOO BAD!!! WHEN WILL HE GET TO!!!!!!!!!!!

your second ask SO TRUE SO REAL. TEEHEE AND MWAHA AND SO ON AND SO FORTH. also you're so right jonathan is so fucked up for stealing steve from will like that 🙄

tytyty as always for your novel length comment alya 💗 really and genuinely and truthfully the thought of getting to read ur reactions is one of the most exciting parts of uploading a chapter!! i eagerly await all of ur other reactions <3333

[astridkai]

My Thoughts on the Romanceable Characters in Coral Island

This is going to be part one with the men + Raj. Merfolk will be their own post because this got long. I also start a little mean, please stay with me here-

DISCLAIMER!!: I am not done with all the heart events, so this is subject to change! I'm also still on my first playthrough. Please don't take anything personally if I don't like your favorite character, it's a game and not that serious. Most of my bad reviews are focused more on being funny than trying to prove a character is "bad". I really love this game and all the characters! These are just my current thoughts (or lack thereof) on them.

Ben

Starting off strong because I hate this man. First of all, he reminds me of an ex so I immediately dislike him a little bit. Then he was gone a whole season and had the audacity to send me an errand in the mail. But that doesn't go into my main problem with him (spoilers for his heart events).

He has a 20-some-odd year old duck named Fun Bucket. Cute, right? Well poor little Fun Bucket fall ill. Tragic! Heartbreaking! What does Ben do? Maybe take his beloved companion to the ranchers (that live like a 10 minute walk away from him) that probably know something about vet care? Maybe try getting some animal medicine? Possibly see if maybe there's food he can feed to help Fun Bucket feel better? None of the above!

This guy just wraps him in a blanket, sits him outside with a TV (which in my game was the middle of winter), and feeds the duck pizza. Pizza. Ducks, notoriously, shouldn't be eating bread! What is pizza? Bread with toppings. Then he waits an absurd amount of time to stop being in denial about Fun Bucket needing medical attention and takes the duck-- duck. D-U-C-K. Duck, the bird-- to a HUMAN DOCTOR to figure out whats wrong with him.

It made me dislike him strongly, I would not trust that man on my farm with my beloved animals. Ever.

Charles

I'm not done with his heart events, so right now he's just kinda...there? The sneezing and dying in spring and refusing to take an antihistamine (per a dialogue line from Yuri I got like once) is very real of him.

Kenny

Kenny!!! I love him so much :D! Planning on romancing him (maybe, undecided still). He won me over with a dialogue about a wasp, because I love bugs and I think people need more empathy for them. I love how he likes animals and nature so much, because so do I. And from what I can tell, he seems very sweet!

Luke

I am done with his heart events, and honestly? Just there, and has rich parents. He has a really cute dog, Taco is great. During the winter fair he has a line about staying with Taco on the beach while he takes a nap, and I thought that was cute.

Mark

I made a post about his reaction to getting a loved gift on his birthday, and it cursed him in my game forever. If I get his actual dialogue, it's a miracle sent by Hell to taunt me. His dialogue box is just a blank white screen and clicking off gives a quick flash of whatever the last NPC I talked to said. According to my save, Mark doesn't exist anymore.

Noah

He's cute and sweet! I thought the scene in the library about the fairy he was researching was fun. I was going to romance him, but he is so worried about leaving his mom alone and her possibly getting hurt that I felt bad at the idea of making him move out.

Pablo

No. The first thing he says to me is "Damn, I wasn’t expecting you to look like THIS" immediately no. Absolutely not. Then I get to his heart events and this man has atrocious listening skills! His brother doesn't want to feel ignored. What does he do? Ignores every aspect of his brother and brings him to things that Pablo, and only Pablo (exaggerated), enjoys! When finally confronted about this his first response is just "What's the difference?" WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!? Sure he fixes it in the end, but still don't like it. No.

Rafael

He seems sweet, and I relate to him a lot from what I've seen. He is also glitched- I'll probably romance him in a different playthrough. I think he's very interesting and from what I've seen on here is very husband worthy, just...he will only talk to me about the Wind Gate opening. I am so hoping for that to be fixed in a patch/update.

Raj

Almost didn't like them because of the coffee obsession. But then their dialogue lines started to be about other things, and I fell in love with them. And the coffee thing became endearing when I learned more about Raj. 100% going to marry them in my next save (I might film that one, unsure). Actively making an OC to ship them with.

Scott

I don't run into him much so he's kinda there. I do like that his personality seems a little unfit to his interest (at least that's the consensus I've seen some people have, I don't totally agree with it but moving on), I think it makes him a little more interesting. I will not be romancing him ever because he has the same name as a family member and that feels weird.

Surya

Another one I was going to romance! I really liked that he moved to the island shortly before the Farmer did, I think that it'd be fun to think about Surya and the Farmer figuring out the island together. Only reason I didn't actually romance him is I don't like having kids on my first saves in farming sims (no valid reason for that btw) and he has a line about wanting the coral reefs to be around for his future kids to enjoy so I felt bad.

Theo

I'm trying really hard to have an opinion on him that is more than just "I like that he likes music and also he's hot" but I can't right now. I'll blame this on sleep deprivation and come back in 3-5 business days if a thought forms.

Wakuu

His relationship with his dad reminds me a little of my relationship with my mom. Seeing Wakuu being able to make some amends with his dad and his dad actually acknowledging he messed up was something that made me feel hopeful for my own life. That has made Wakuu an important character to me.

Not all my ideas are fleshed out because I'm not done with all the events!! I also just don't interact much with some of them (like Theo, Scott, and Luke). If I play on a different save and romance some of them, my opinions will probably change. Thank you for reading this far, I appreciate it :)

[starshower1215]

Fanfic Writer Interview

Thanks for tagging me, @quillsandblades and @storiesofaot. An opportunity to ramble about stuff I wrote? Of course I'm down. Let's see.

How many works do you have on AO3?

Only six. Five are SNK, one is Blitzstone from Magnus Chase.

What is your total AO3 word count?

Hah. I'm pretty new to fanfic writing, so my word count's a joke: 31,456 words. It's growing, though.

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes?

Well, of my six stories, lol, here they are in order from highest to lowest.

No. 1: Journey Through the Middle Ages

An adventure in which Blitzen takes Hearthstone to the renaissance fair to feed his secretly romantic heart. Blitzen's a demigod, though, so trouble rising is no surprise.

No. 2: The Mystery of the Pencil Bun

A story on Levi being infatuated by Hange, narrated by Mike. The length is inspired by Levi's height.

No. 3: All That I Want

This one is Levihan, too. It delves into Hange's sense of exhaustion after becoming commander during a late night lying on the shore, and explores the possibility of finding rest, but not the way it's generally viewed. It's pretty personal and maybe one of my favorites.

No. 4: Circles Around the Sun

I love this one so, so much. This is my child. It's Levihan in an alternate universe, where seven-year-old Hange meets Levi, who escaped from the Underground at the early age of ten and got himself a job at the flower field of the Zoë household. The thing that Hange doesn't know, though, is that he's in a race against time to gather the money needed to pay for citizenship above ground, before he's found out by the MP.

It is heavy on angst (my drug) and heartbreak, and it's also got scenes where they're both just being kids, which is all very cute and sweet. But at its core, it is angsty and I giggle like a maniac when I'm writing it. All my friends have heard me yapping about it, they all know the plotline, they've heard it at least twice each, so. I'm really pouring my love into it.

No. 5: Somewhere We Can Be Alone

Levihan again, based on this art by @areyoufreeafterclass (hi, sorry for tagging you, I'm crediting). My first SNK fic, but I'm not so sentimental about it, it wasn't quite my style. It's a story revolving, again, around Hange's disposition following their promotion to commander, and explores Levi's feelings about it, too. There are things related to "Love Story" by Taylor Swift and "Romeo and Juliet" by Shakespeare.

Tags, if you'd like to join: @satsuki92, @sunflowersunite, @alexdswfan

[quietwingsinthesky]

Jackrory please?

im always turning over that concept of jack during a good man goes to war, we couldve had it all. so let’s set the scene there.

They split recruitment down the middle. The Doctor sends Rory to pick up a man called Captain Jack Harkness (“Remember the Captain bit, that’s important.”) and so Rory walks down the corridor of a space freighter looking for the room the Doctor said he’d probably be in. The whole place is hissing and rumbling around him, a starship that feels like it’s holding together worse than the TARDIS sometimes does. He keeps a hand on the hilt of his sword, no matter how ridiculous he feels.

It’s not the outfit. It’s the location, the overwhelming awareness that he’s out of place. It’s better than the other option: nauseating disorientation, like his brain is pulling him down two paths at once, a life lived and a life remembered. The armor is grounding, and that’s what keeps him moving forward. He knows the weight of it better than anything else he’s ever worn, the way it rubs against his skin, exactly how to turn to maximize the defense of it.

Rory rounds a corner, and without ever having met him before, he knows he’s looking at Jack.

Rory’s never seen that style of clothes in fashion. Rory’s lived through the wartimes it spanned.

Jack looks back at him, hard not to when he stands out like a sore thumb. His eyes light up. Rory doesn’t get a word out of his mouth before Jack’s coming closer, moving just on the edge of breaking into a sprint. He grasps Rory’s cheeks between his hands and kisses him. Rory squeaks.

It should be too hard, awkward, uncomfortable, but there’s too much practice behind it to be a bad kiss. Rory’s left gasping as Jack pulls back. Jack runs his thumb over Rory’s cheek sweetly before he drops his hands again.

“I’m-” Rory’s plan is in pieces right now. Everything he was supposed to tell Jack got stolen right out of his mouth. Jack is grinning, and Rory knows that expression too well. Heartbreak and devotion are always two sides of the same coin. “The Doctor-” Rory tries again.

“I know,” Jack says, giddy. He’s looking Rory up and down. “I like this look on you. Very classical.”

“No. No, I mean- I’m not the Doctor, the Doctor sent me with a message for- For you.” Jack’s eyes widen. Rory knows what comes next, the acceptance and dismissal. After all, he’s just Rory. He’s just the messenger. And he’s okay with that, he tells himself, so long as the message saves Amy. One day, he’s going to believe himself.

“Oh,” Jack says, and then his smile changes but doesn’t become any less excited. “I didn’t think a soldier would be the Doctor’s type.”

“I’m… a nurse?” Rory says, awkwardly.

“Well, hello, nurse.” Jack eyes him again, and Rory is suddenly very aware that Romans didn’t have the greatest opinions on pants. “Is there a name that comes with that?”

“Rory.”

“Rory. Cute. The Doctor needs me?” There’s a hopeful rise to that question.

“He- It’s me. I need help. You’re helping the Doctor help me. Please.” Jack nods. Rory’s not sure how he could understand—who he even is, really, besides someone who’d greet the Doctor with a kiss and then not even be that disappointed that it wasn’t really the Doctor, like Rory’s as good a prize to win—but he gets the feeling that Jack does, somehow.

“You don’t have to ask twice,” Jack says. “Either of you.” He claps a hand on Rory’s shoulder and leaves it there, warm just at the side of Rory’s neck. It’s a little distracting. “Lucky I travel light. Where are we headed?”