#I realize my ofc might be a little toxic

[ificouldhelpyouforget]

Desiderium (Bang Chan x OFC)

MASTERLIST | Part Two (Coming soon)

Summary: desiderium (noun): an ardent desire or longing; a feeling of loss or grief for something lost

A/N: This was inspired by a TikTok where Chan looking totally normal at an event, but combined with a wedding kdrama scene, totally wrecked me emotionally.

Warnings: Heartbreak, longing, language, jumps from past to present a few times, mentions of sex (no smut)

Words: 2.5k

—

It was the biggest day of her life. Friends and family gathering together to watch her make a lifelong commitment to the man she said yes to. After all the planning and preparing, she was moving into a new chapter, one where she would stand beside her love as they navigate life as one. It was all she ever wanted. And yet…

The ceremony went on without issue. No one objected to the union–not that she expected anyone to do so. They said their vows just right. Thunderous applause met them as the dj introduced them into the reception. Everything was perfect.

Until it wasn’t. Until she saw him.

Bang Chan. Chan. Chris… Channie, she called him the most.

Of course, he was still so beautiful. He was always in her eyes. Everything about him is why she fell so hard.

“Let go, you stupid fucking–”

“Need some help?”

She looked up from where she was attempting to pull her rolling work bag off the escalator. It was the middle of the night in the airport and she was just getting back from a weekend work trip, so hearing another voice in the mostly empty area shocked her enough to jump.

The man hid a giggle behind a cough. “Sorry ‘bout that. Do you need help?”

“Yes, please. The escalator is pissing me off.”

“Bad day?” Of course, it took nothing for him to pull it off the escalator and set it on the ground.

He was cute. A black ball cap sat on his head, but she could see a mass of messy brown curls peeking out from under the brim. His eyes were warm and welcoming. His smile, so unbelievably adorable with the dimples framing his plump lips.

“Bad weekend. Work trip. Just got back and I’m dying to get some sleep. But they lost my luggage, so I’m trying to get that sorted. It’s been a mess since I landed.”

“That’s rough. I hope it doesn’t take long to find your stuff.”

“Yeah,” she said. “Well, thank you for helping me out.”

“No problem. It’s Chris, by the way. Or Chan. Uh, either works.”

“Maisie. Most people call me May.” She noticed the bag hanging off his shoulder. “Leaving or coming back?”

“Coming back. Had to get back early for something. Work.” He looked over his shoulder as if checking for someone.

“Gotta love the grind. Well, maybe I’ll see you around, Chan.”

“You live in Korea? That’s why your Korean is so good.”

“Maybe I’m just good with languages,” she teased. “No, I live here. It was easier for work since a lot of clients live here, Japan, and China.”

“That’s cool.” His name was called out by a serious-looking man in all black, much like Chan. “Ah, well, gotta go. See you around?”

“Maybe! Thank you again.”

“Not a problem. Get home safe.”

“You, too.”

The crazy thing was, she saw him around. A lot. She found out he was in a k-pop group, Stray Kids. She dabbled in some music from SHINee and BTS in the past, but rarely sought out new music when work got busier. But then she started noticing Chan’s face everywhere–a concert announcement more often than not.

When she saw him again in the flesh, it was in a coffee shop on her side of town, a decent walk from the company he worked for. She pondered if it was because he was trying to get some privacy. It almost kept her from waving at him when he looked in her direction. The way his eyes lit up once he recognized her still brought a flutter to her heart. 

That was when it started.

The friendship. The hanging out. The secret dates. The phone calls. The stolen kisses. The midnight meetings. The gifts. The sex. The pure, unreal love that grew between them. They were happy. Truly. Maisie could never forget his shy smiles that turned into laughter when she showed him affection. His laughs were everything.

And there he was, hair straightened over his forehead, making him look intense, his heavy gaze matching. A smile was nowhere to be found. So many mornings she woke up to the softness of his gaze, the curls of his hair. His untamed hair he constantly complained about always enamored her. And those eyes, so dark under the shade of his bangs, but she only could remember the gentle brown of them. All of his emotions settled in those eyes, something she could still see in the romantic setting of her reception.

“They found out.”

“Who?”

Chan took his baseball cap and mask off as he walked into her apartment. “Stay. They found out about us.”

“Oh…” They told the company about their relationship. The other members knew, too, but they wanted to wait before telling fans. It was mostly out of precaution, since Chan had too many friends bullied out of healthy relationships.

“It’s already a mess. The things they’re saying about you…” Tears well up in his eyes. “It’s getting bad.”

“What do we do?”

Tears fell. “The company wants us to end it. They are worried of a boycott.”

Her heart shattered. “What? But… But… I’m not keeping you from the group! I would never come between you and your job or stays.”

“I know that.” Chan cupped her face and wiped her tears away while his fall rapidly. “The members know that, too.”

“Then why can’t we still be together?”

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to do.” He pulled her into his chest and cried into her hair. “I don’t know what to do…”

She clutched his shirt, shedding more tears into the fabric.

They cried the rest of the night, their last night as a couple because they knew the company would keep them apart if the fan out rage resulted in a loss of revenue.

Their last night, despite the tears, was still full of laughter and kisses and love… but it eventually had to end.

Chan’s fingers trailed up and down her bare side, his eyes scanning over her face as if burning her features to memory. Her hand pressed to his warm chest to feel his heartbeat, slowed after laying still for some time.

“Is this really it for us?” she asked, the prickle of tears at the back of her eyes.

He sucked in a breath. “I don’t want it to be.”

It was quiet for a moment until she leaned in to kiss his forehead and then his lips.

“I love you, Channie. I always will.”

“I love you, too, Maisie.” His breath shook as he hugged her close. “It won’t be the same without you.”

“I wish they’d let you be happy.”

“I’m sorry this is happening and hurting you.”

She ran her pointer finger down the bridge of his nose and around the shape of his lips. She’s going to miss him so much. “And I’m sorry you’re being hurt by your fans. You don’t deserve this. No one in the public eye deserves this.”

He sighed and turned to lie on his back, welcoming her as she snuggled into his side. “I’m gonna have to leave soon.”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I know.”

“Do you think… we can get a second chance later on?”

“Maybe, but don’t wait for me, okay? Don’t miss out on happiness because of me.”

“What if you are my happiness?”

A watery smile met her blurry gaze. “You will find it again. Even if it’s not with me.”

It wasn’t long after than when Chan left, taking a piece of her broken heart and leaving some of his behind.

It took years for her to feel like her world wasn’t crashing around her at the sight of his pictures or the sound of his voice in a song. And that was about the time she met the man she could call her husband. She loved him. A different love, but still love. It was hardly a cushion with the sad stare from the man she once thought she’d walk down the aisle to cutting right through her soul.

She had to talk to him… if he wanted to talk.

“Hey,” she said to her husband, tapping his arm to get his attention. “I need to run to the bathroom. Don’t start the toasts without me.”

“Do you need any help?”

“No, I’ll be okay. Be back soon.” She kissed his cheek and got up.

Her eyes went to Chan, and he was already staring. She didn’t drop her gaze until she exited the banquet hall, hoping he understood.

She stood outside the building, waiting. And waiting… and waiting.

“Dammit,” she murmured, feeling tears settle at her waterline.

Turning back to go inside, her body collided with another. As an apology started spilling from her lips, she looked up into familiar eyes. “Channie.”

He smiled. “Maisie.”

“How… How did you know about this?”

“Got an invitation. Guess you didn’t know.”

“My hus-husband must have found your contact information and sent you one. I’m sorry about that.”

“Nah. I’m happy I came.” It didn’t reach his eyes. “You look beautiful.”

There was no need to keep her short choked sob. “Thank… Thank you.”

“Hey, you’re supposed to be smiling. It’s your wedding day.”

“Oh, God, they’re going to ask questions if I come back crying.”

Chan pulled a tissue out of a pack in his pocket. “Dab. Don’t wipe. Your eyes won’t look as red.”

She takes him in, in his black suit jacket that barely hides the tan shirt under it, although it’s buttoned. “You look good. Healthy.”

“I’ve been working out and eating more of what I want. Taking care of myself.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

A cricket started chirping nearby, filling the silence between them. It felt like a countdown to possibly their last moment together.

“Are you happy?” he finally asked, face stoic.

She smiled. “Yes. A different happy.”

“Good.” Expectedly, his eyes are glassy. “I’m sorry for what happened.”

“Chan, it wasn’t your fault. There was nothing we could do.”

“Yeah, but if I hadn’t fallen for you, you never would have gone through it.”

She grabbed his hand in both of hers. The spark was still there. “You made me the happiest woman in the world. It might have been short-lived, but I don’t regret what happened because at least I had time with you. And those are some of my most precious memories.”

“You can’t hang onto those anymore. You’re married, and he needs to be your priority.”

“Channie.” Both paused, hearing the nickname spoken again. “I didn’t lie when I told you I will always love you. I may love someone else, but I never stopped loving you. I’m not letting go of my memories with you.”

He cleared his throat, shook his head, his way of keep himself from crying. “You should probably go back in there. Someone might come out here and wonder why you’re with another man.”

“I don’t care… I’m not ready to not see you again for the rest of the night.”

“I’ll see you before you leave.”

“Promise?”

Yeah. Promise.”

Except she didn’t get a chance as the toasts, the cake cutting, the dances swept her up. Then she was suddenly standing in the doorway of the banquet hall, guests lined up on either side, down to the car. It was the end, the last hurrah before her life as a married woman would truly begin.

And the man she wanted to see one last time was nowhere. How does one feel both happiness and the deepest heartbreak at once and manage not to fall apart?

“Ready?” her new husband asked, taking her hand and squeezing.

“Yeah.” She tried so hard to feel her joy of the day again.

They were walking too fast. She couldn’t find Chan in the crowd. She wouldn’t get her last goodbye.

They each hug their families waiting at the end, her eyes still seeking for him. But she received her last hug, and it was time to get in the car.

Maisie turned away. A hand on her wrist kept her from taking a step. Her teary eyes follow the hand to the man she was begging the universe to let her see one more time. Her arms wrap around his shoulders lightning fast.

“Take care of yourself, Channie. I… I love you.” Her words were a whisper.

He squeezed her tightly, glancing up to see her husband finishing his goodbyes to his family. There was no way he could say it back. If he said it, he’d whisk her away and say fuck it to the haters. But he couldn’t say it back. Not this time.

“Have a beautiful life together, yeah? Always be happy.”

“I want that for you, too.”

He smiled down at her, slowly detaching himself from the hug, from the moment. “One day.”

Before she could say anything more, her husband called out to her with a wide grin. It was time to go.

“See ya, newlywed.” Chan smiled, his eyes turning into crescents to hide the evidence of his heart breaking all over again.

“Bye, Chan.”

The space between them grew. She didn’t look back, a smile given to everyone before climbing into the vehicle. Once those doors shut, her eyes were on Chan as he stared back with a solemn look. It felt like that morning all those years ago. It took everything in her to keep from crying, as her chest ached all the same.

Chan watched the car pull away and only then could he utter his true feelings into the wind, a pathetic wish to be her husband instead. A silent cry for the cruelty of the universe to give him someone to love so deeply, only to rip her away for someone else to have. Fuck the universe. Fuck the reason it ended… Fuck love.

Maisie lets her forehead rest against the window, the sorrow trying to swallow her up again. What a cruel twist of fate.

“Hey, you okay?” Her husband reached over to take her hand.

“Yeah… Just tired.”

“We’ll get some sleep soon.” A pause. “Who was that guy you hugged? Cousin?”

“An old friend. He helped me at the airport forever ago. His job made it hard to maintain our friendship, so it surprised me to see him.”

“Are you happy he came?”

She looked at him with a little smile. “I am. It was nice to see him again.” It was the truth.

“Good. I’m glad.” He squeezed her hand. “Wanna put on some of your favorite music?”

Any excuse to keep away more questions about her mood and Chan. She sets her most played playlist on shuffle. The soft piano started and the silent tears began instantly. Chan’s soft voice started over the piano.

The world was cruel indeed.

[chock-and-bates]

if you're still doing it, what is get him back about?

(and for the other anon that mentioned it! but i'll be using your ask to post about the other story you asked about ❤️)

get him back! is my silly little fic for bearnelli (also heavy on lestappen [ofc] and some chollie)

Premise: Kimi’s been down bad for Ollie for over a year. But ever since their rookie f1 season started, he’s been beyond jealous that all his friend can seem to talk about is Charles Leclerc.  When he realizes that Ollie genuinely likes Charles, is, in fact, infatuated enough to consider making a move, he loses it and goes to Max for advice.  Surprisingly, Max turns out to be very willing to help Kimi get his man (while also staking a claim on his.)

this one is fun because i have two outlines and it might be a sillier 5 +1 thing or it might be a bit more toxic. i haven’t quite decided, but it will definitely include jealous kimi, jealous/possessive max, oblivious charles, and infatuated ollie (because @honeyandthunderstorms and I a chollie vision that is so fun, omg)... and some lestappen smut 😏.

Snippet under the cut!

“You seem upset,” Max tells Kimi carefully as they walk back through the paddock. “Are you all right?”

Glancing around, Kimi jerks his head to indicate Max to follow him to a quieter corner, one where he can speak more freely.

“Is Russell being a dickhead again,” Max asks, a little too knowingly. The Red Bull driver was always excited to hear about any issues that Kimi was having with his teammate.

“No, it is not George,” Kimi frowns, weighing how much to actually tell Max. It’s just- if he doesn’t talk to someone about this he thinks he’s going to explode.

“Then what?”

“It is Ollie.”

“Oh,” Kimi doesn’t like the teasing way Max smiles, his eyes crinkling, “What did Bearman do? I thought you two were mates?”

And look, Kimi could tell Max a lot about what Ollie has done. He could tell him how some nights Ollie is all Kimi can think about, or how one of his favorite things to do is make Ollie laugh, or maybe he could even tell Max about that wonderful, horrible kiss that happened last season…

But Kimi is not stupid, he knows better than to embarrass himself in front of someone like Max Verstappen.

In his angry state, he does not, however, have any issues with embarrassing Ollie.

“I need to get him to shut up about how in love he is with Leclerc.”

The smile quickly slides off Max's face.

“What?”

“He will not stop talking about Leclerc,” Kimi continues, already feeling himself getting worked up, “Any time we are hanging out, all I hear is ‘Charles said this’ or ‘I was watching Charles onboards’ or ‘Charles sat by me on the plane’. I cannot take anymore of him and his stupid crush! It is driving me crazy.”

Max has been listening closely, looking very serious all of a sudden, “You really think he has a crush?”

And Kimi knows he shouldn’t say anything more, should just leave it at that and keep Ollie’s secret. But the hurt and jealousy are still too overwhelming-

So Kimi scowls and continues, “I know he does, Max! Today I told him he should just kiss Leclerc already since he is so obsessed with him. Then he got all weird and asked me what I thought Leclerc would do if he did kiss him. Or if I thought Leclerc could ever like him.”

Max’s face twitches, “Oh, really?”

[just-jordie-things]

indulge me for a second here (at ur own time ofc)

megumi breaks up w reader for reasons (wants to focus on training or sum) but reader starts acting a lill crazy especially when she thinks he might be seeing other women. She's txting him, sending suggestive pics, flirting, cockblocking other women- just the usual, you know?

Then she stops.

Leaving megumi with a whole crisis. Didn't he want this? Why is he missing all her attention? Why is she giving *his* attention to other guys?

I just want that toji and gojo side of him to flare up and chase the reader all over again 😇😇😇😇

AAAHHH YES i need to add more toxicity to my fics bc lets be real we'd all behave like this to get him back :3

kinda feel like this could be a prequel to the blurb i wrote about ex bf!megumi cockblocking you n trying to win you back

suggestive content under the cut but no smut ___

you're a good girl, definitely better than this, but to be honest he left you no choice, didn't he?

how else were you supposed to get his attention? it's not like those other girls had anything to offer him, so you just had to... give him a reminder of what he had, and that he could have it again if he stopped being a man slut and crawled right back to you where he belonged.

(was he really being a man slut? you couldn't actually know... all you knew was what you heard from rumors. but that was enough to warrant all of this... wasn't it?)

you didn't care how much money you spent on pretty lacey sets, or how much time you spent draping yourself in the most inviting poses you could come up until your my eyes only album was overflowing with tasteful nudes. and every single one of them was sent to him.

there wasn't an ounce of humiliation in your body, sending nudes and other suggestive photos/videos to your ex-boyfriend. you were sure that eventually he would be swayed... if it wasn't by baby pink then maybe an angelic white... or classic red.... to you, this was just a means to an end. eventually he'd understand what he was missing and he'd come back begging to get back together.

when he doesn't realize his mistake after a month of spamming his phone... you lose interest. naturally, of course. if he could look at all those photos, watch all those videos to completion, and still not want you back? well, that was his loss.

truthfully, you got bored. and at some point you came to the realization that there were other hot, single, desperate guys out there who would love a glimpse of what was wasted on megumi. so you steered your attention in another direction and almost forgot about your ex completely.

well, you forgot about him until he started showing up around you all the time.

at first it was the bars, anywhere you spent your time with nightlife, he was bound to show up there. whether you were drinking or dancing, or just sitting in a booth wrapped up in the company of someone else, megumi was there to see it.

you might've moved on, but you weren't oblivious. you saw him. you just didn't seem to care. never giving him more than a passing glance before your attention was returned to whoever was lucky enough to get it tonight. megumi's not sure he ever saw you with the same guy twice

even when he moved on to stalking your other hangouts. like the coffee shop you frequented most days of the week. once he started seeing your distraction of the night coming in with you on their arm in the mornings, too, megumi started to lose his mind.

what was the point of all those messages you sent? all the photos with your body on display for him attached with 'thinking of you' or a little kiss emoji- those were all just for him, weren't they? and now you're parading around with every willing guy you find?

megumi's in denial. this wasn't like you, you didn't play games, you weren't a slut, so what was your goal here?

if it was to drive him crazy, you most definitely had the upper hand. but he was determined that it wouldn't last for long.

you wanted to play shitty games? fine, megumi could play shitty games. he'll make sure you come to regret getting over him so easily.

[slut4celebs]

Jealousy, Jealousy

Olivia Rodrigo x Reader

Word Count: 2,000

Trigger Warnings: jealousy (jealousy), possessiveness (I fucking love when women tell me what to do and it shows.), no real smut but it does allude to it so MDNI.

Request/Synopsis: "jealous or possessive Olivia pls 👀 (only if u want to tho ofc)" - I'll give you one better... Here is a jealous & possessive Olivia Rodrigo fic in which at an Awards show, Reader meets her favorite artist (in this case, Lizzy McAlpine) and fangirls a bit too much for Olivia's liking.

Requests are open.

She hadn't felt the strong emergence of jealousy building up from her stomach, twisting away around her heart in awhile. However, seeing her girlfriend walk through the doors and literally bump into her celebrity crush made Olivia's breath catch in her throat. She didn't realize the concerned looks of her friend's face, Tate and Conan glancing at each other when Olivia's smile faded away. She was too busy letting her brown eyes examine the situation at hand. She calculated ways to stop their conversation without causing a feud or rumors by chatty gossipers in the room. Too many celebrities tended to get into each other's business.

(Y/n), on the other hand, was in her own little world. She had excused herself from Olivia, Tate, and Conan to use the restroom. She had gotten pretty lost in the halls, and she had to ask people who she had only seen in magazines for directions. Meaningless to say, she was absolutely starstruck. She wasn't from the industry. She met Olivia on accident when the brunette spilt her coffee on (Y/n) after bumping into her on the street, and that was all she wrote after they exchanged numbers. (Y/n) still worked a job as a cashier at a supermarket as she was getting through school, completely confused on why someone like Olivia even looked her way. She was surprised when Olivia first asked her out, when they first kissed, and when they made their first public outing. (Y/n) was even more surprised when she was invited to the music awards ceremony.

Now, she was standing in front of one of her favorite singers, not knowing what to say as Lizzy McAlpine complimented her outfit. "Thanks, my girlfriend picked it out." Her cheeks flushed red, realizing that now, Lizzy probably thought she wasn't her own person. That wasn't true, though. She could pick out her own outfits. It's just, she asked Olivia to because she wanted to match her. Plus, she had no idea what to wear to an event like this. (Y/n) was a very lowkey person and didn't dress up a whole lot, unless going out with Olivia to attempt to avoid the hate- though that doesn't typically work out in her favor.

"Your girlfriend, huh? Which one is she?" Lizzy's eyes turned to scan the crowd, completely grazing over Olivia's narrowed eyes. (Y/n) smiled before moving to point out Olivia, only to see her coming their way. "Oh, cool, I know of her. Like apart from her music. She's my friend, Matt's, friend." She explained with a sweet smile. "By the way, I'm Lizzy. What's your name?" She questioned and (Y/n) could barely answer, still in a state of shock as she shook Lizzy's hand. The action didn't go unnoticed by Olivia, who finally made her way over to the two, completely abandoning Tate and Conan. With that said, the two were definitely enjoying the show from a couple feet away.

Olivia pulled on her best faux, polite smile. It was the kind she put on for the cameras. (Y/n) immediately recognized it, causing her brows to furrow. "Hi, I'm Olivia," she introduced, shaking Lizzy's hand, too. After she dropped Lizzy's hand, her arm dropped to wrap around (Y/n)'s waist. "What were you two talking about?" She needed to be a part of their conversation. It might be a bit toxic, but she was jealous. The last time she let her significant other talk to someone older than her, he left her alone and heartbroken… and a global sensation. But, with (Y/n), no good could come out of their breakup. Her whole entire world would be shattered, and she swore that she wouldn't even be able to write about the tremendous heartbreak. After all, within a couple of months, (Y/n) became her everything, and she couldn't lose her favorite ball of sunshine.

Though (Y/n) was confused about the tight grip to her waist, Lizzy seemed to realize immediately what was going on. She gave a small smile, nodding over to Olivia. "Well, (Y/n), have fun tonight. I hope to see you at more events. Olivia, I can't wait to see you perform. I'm sure you will do amazing, as per usual." She said gently before walking away to find some of her own friends that were at the event. As she slipped away, Olivia's hand dropped and she crossed her arms. The action making her look childish.

"Hey, what was that about? You interrupted her… And, I think you've just scared her off." (Y/n)'s brows were still drew together. Olivia was slightly baffled that she hadn't picked up on her jealous state. So baffled, she thought she might be able to pull off just how jealous she was feeling. However, just when she thought she would be off the hook, (Y/n) started to piece everything together. "Wait… Are you jealous? Olivia, I told you, since we've started dating, the idea of celebrity crushes are like nonexistent to me. You are my one and only crush, remember?"

Olivia sighed at the reassurance, knowing that (Y/n) was right, but that still didn't help the pit in her stomach. "Still, I didn't like you talking to her. She's older and prettier and-" Olivia was immediately cut off by a loud scoff. Now, it was (Y/n)'s turn to be annoyed.

She shook her head, narrowing her eyes at her. "Oh, come on, Olivia. You know how I feel about you. You are insanely beautiful. The most beautiful girl I know. You're kind, hot, loving, caring, funny…" She listed off all of her favorite attributes of her girlfriend. This released the jealousy still brewing in Olivia immensely. "You are the only girl for me Olivia. Now, let's go." She took Olivia's hand, leading her towards the bathrooms.

She was confused, but she followed her girlfriend anyway. After all, she would follow (Y/n) to the ends of the earth and vice versa. "Where are we going?" She questioned, waving at some people that called her name, but (Y/n)'s hurry didn't leave room for any talk. Instead, (Y/n) sped up, both of them tripping in her heels. "(Y/n), my love? Where are we going?" She asked again having not gotten an answer the first time she asked,

"I'm taking you to the bathroom. You being jealous was… kind of, very hot. And the way you gripped my waist…"

Pleasant surprise flooded (Y/n)'s body as she grinned ear to ear. Any bit of jealousy was momentarily forgotten. It was even more forgotten with (Y/n) head between her thighs, reminding Olivia whose girl she was. Olivia couldn't believe that she was able to have (Y/n) as her girlfriend. She was able to ease her worries so quickly. While she couldn't promise not to be jealous and a little bit possessive of her girlfriend, she couldn't help but feel a sense of relief when she knew (Y/n) wouldn't call her crazy for her feelings, and instead; she would reassure her in ways that Olivia loved by words of affirmation and head at a music awards ceremony.

[fiddlededeejester]

i'm having more poolverine thoughts.

so this is how i imagine their relationship to go:

they get settled into living with each other, they get close, they're friends, yay !

then they start developing feelings for each other and things happen and then they're dating.

i don't think they'd start going around telling everyone immediately because it's kind of a fragile situation with how they both are, yk what i mean? i could probably explain this more but i'm not going to at this second.

it starts out a little toxic/dysfunctional. they are not doing well and will not react to things well based on their respective relationship traumas, and trauma in general. i see Wade as very clingy and has abandonment issues, while Logan fucking runs whenever anything happens. if he thinks there's a situation where he could hurt Wade, he's removing himself from it immediately. Wade is going to start losing his mind at this because 1. he's not that fragile, he can handle himself. and 2. he's going to start feeling rejected. AND MAYBEEE it's me projecting but we know how ADHD and RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) go hand in hand. and he's gonna worry that he did something wrong to make Logan distance himself.

they both place a lot of fault on themselves, and it's going to fuck them up. they're also absolutely shit at communication until it builds up and explodes.

so: it explodes.

it's not fun, it's not the healthiest way to get from point A to point B, but basically a lot of things get cleared up in this Explosion (fight maybe? idk what would happen necessarily. but explosion.) they understand the motives behind each other's actions and realize they need to get their shit together. and they reassure each other a lot afterwards and feel better about things.

so they work on it! because they've lost too fucking much for this to fall through. they're stuck to each other forever now, they're going to make it last even if it kills them permanently.

it doesn't happen overnight ofc but yeah, they get better at communicating and not being overly reactive. they're both messes but they can be messes together <3

they have a healthy relationship! yayyyy !! other people might not see it the same way though because they're fucking insane and they show their affection in weird ways.

and yeah my last post on the duality of man applies here. they can be so soft and cozy and gentle, and then beat the shit out of each other when they need to expel some energy. also. other things. but anywayyy

bc Logan, from what i understand, is really kind with his partners, but also Wade is. Like That. and also can't get hurt in a way that matters, so while Logan doesn't necessarily enjoy hurting people, he knows that Wade spurs him on on purpose, and even likes it, so he doesn't worry about it too much. they know they love each other and nothing they do is out of malice, and that's all that matters.

but yeah take all my words with a grain of salt, i haven't seen all the x-men movies and don't have as good of a grasp on Logan's character as i'd like to, so this might be off, but it's how they are in my head, so !!!

(OH THEY'D ALSO MOVE OUT AND GET THEIR OWN PLACE BC YOU KNOW THEY FUCK LOUD AS HELL AND BLIND AL IS SO SICK AND TIRED OF THEM)

[scribiel]

Bad Omens — Ryomen Sukuna x fem! Reader

cw // explicit content , toxic relationship , blood , stalking , manipulation , gaslight , misspellings and grammar errors (sorry, english isnt my first language)

Three months into the relationship, it was beautiful. You began to unravel many sides of him: the clingy one, he didnt want to let you go in public places, which you found cute; the jealous one, for simple reason such as a waiter hitting on you, which ofc, again you found it cute. You noticed that he was so posessive yet so loving, which made you think it was cute and tolerable.

Eight months into, you started to realize that Sukuna had loved you enough to show you his true colors: tough love. There were times, he didnt give you shelter when you were vulnerable. You thought, 'oh, maybe that's his way of loving. To strengthen people he loves.'

And you thought, that was okay. Maybe you really needed that. A hands to strengthen you, not to share your tears and burden.

Sukuna told you how much he hated to see you cry. So you never did.

The love grew stronger, but so did the jealousy and other bad omens he showed. There was once, where you accidentally set his jealousy on fire, then he cornered you—just as usual— you couldnt lie to yourself that it was hot. But, then he pulled a sudden move that put you in a shock. He punched the wall next to your head. And it wasnt once. He had to do it again. Again. And again. Until he pulled it, placed it next to his body; and you saw red blood dripping from his knuckles.

Seeing horror in your face, Sukuna suddenly looked down, He didn't have courage to look you in the eyes, but somehow, his hands managed to cup your face. He placed a soft kiss upon your forehead as he whispered softly, "I am so so so sorry. But you have to understand that it was also your doing. I was so scared to lose you."

He continued, "I cant lose you. And please please don't leave me."

You set into shambles. "I am so so sorry, Sukuna."

His words had gotten into you. Maybe bcs it was the feeling when someone didnt want to lose you, or the sense of belonging, or just a blind devoted person in the name of love.

There were many times you fought. Most of the fights were caused by how wierd his ex behaved, Uraume. You told him that it was very unusual to have your ex do whatever you ask. It was more like a master and servant not like a romantic relationship. But, again, he shook it off. And the way he acted—the i never want to lose you, the i love you, the possessiveness, the clinginess— made you believe that he loves you.

One day, you told this to your friends—Satoru and Suguru. Shoko couldn’t be there due to an emergency operation she had to perform— and both of your friends agreed that it was very weird for Sukuna and Uraume; and he might not love you that much. But you opposed their opinion, you firmly assured them, “No! I do think he treats me the way I deserve to be treated.”

Suguru frowned. “That isn’t love.”

You shook your head. “It’s tough love!”

Suguru looked concerned. “You know, you should really run away. Stat.”

You got home and Sukuna was frowning. He was irritated. You thought something was wrong with his day … or you did something that made him irritated. Satoru’s jacket. On your shoulder.

Oh. Wow.

He stood up from the sofa, began to walk toward you, caged you in the corner. His knuckles brushed against your cheek. “You know I don’t like it.”

He whispered in your ears, “I saw the guy with the dark hair taking you home. What a whore. Wearing another man’s jacket and taken home with a different man? And then come home to me?”

“What?! You saw?!” You realized he was stalking you.

You pushed him, getting out from that corner. “We should break up!”

Two steps away, and Sukuna grabbed your wrist, a little too tight that it made you whine from the pain. “There’s no breaking up with me.”

You tried to shake his grip off, trying to pull back your hand. “Let me go!”

Somehow, you managed to. Three steps ahead, he pulled your hair, and it made you turn around and face him. And his hands swiftly moved to your neck, applying a small pressure to your neck. It was a reminder about who was in control. You could feel the air start leaving you, making you feel dizzy. And when Sukuna realized, he took the chance by whispering sweet nothings, “You know I love you. And I can’t live without you.”

Suguru’s words flashed in your mind. You really should run, but Sukuna’s words started to corrupt your mind, leaving you no choice but to be in chains. You cried, mourning for the sanity that was left in you. All you thought was how helpless you were.

You cried, “Your ex! Cant Uraume just get away from you!? Fuck … you are insane, Sukuna.”

“I love you,” he repeated. “You should know that you made me behave like this. I am losing my head at the thought of you leaving.”

Another bad omen that you chose to ignore the moment he continued his sentence, “And I’ll harm anyone who tries to take you away from me. Even both of your beloved friends.”

So then, your wings of freedom had just been chopped into small.pieces. You felt his hands moving to your cheeks, cupping them and wiping the tears away. And back to the starting point of the cycle, he kissed you again, rough and aggressive, like a man who had not known to feast at all. The problem was you melted from his touch again, you felt your heart beating faster. So then you closed your eyes and kissed him back. It was painful, yet thrilling. So bitter, yet so sweet. Heart beating, be it adrenaline or love, you couldn’t care less. You could only feel this good, confused, as if your head was in cloud nine, with Sukuna and Sukuna only.

“I’ll show you why Uraume shouldn’t be your concern.”

You realized, like many nights you had fought with him before, the solution always came to one place: the bed. Angrily did the deed; leather whip; and handcuffed.

And this morning, you woke up because you heard Sukuna was moaning your name. Or perhaps it was just a dream. But when your vision became clearer, you saw Sukuna rocking his hips against Uraume, he was doing it with her while moaning your name.

Handcuffed on the bed, you couldn’t escape or run. As he realized you had woken up, he stopped and pulled out from Uraume. He smirked at you. “I take back my words when I said tears don't suit you. It does.”

Sukuna walked to you and started kissing you. “You see what I did? Fucking her and only you in my mind. I could never dare to do you if you are unconscious”

Tears flowed more and more, and he licked them. You saw Urame approaching the bed. “Master Sukuna ordered me to please you more as he does the deed with you later.”

“See? She doesn't mind. She’s a servant and you are a lover. My lover.”

The moment Sukuna’s knuckle brushed softly against your left cheek, you had come to realize that you were a bird with wings chopped into pieces in a red and bloody cage

[emilycollins00]

Hiii I don't know if you would write it (it's okay if you don't) but to change the tone a bit, could you do a list of toxic traits/red flags of the troupes members? I saw it in another fandom and thought it would be interesting! love your stuff btw

Thank you for waiting love!! 💕 That said, hope you are still around aksdjkdn it's been a while.

I wasn’t sure if you meant in a relationship or just in general, so I went with the flow a bit and did whatever felt more suitable for each at the time (hence why some are longer)

Warning: I focused on showing bad traits and exploiting them so my apologies if any fan doesn’t like what I chose, don’t take it too much to heart!

A3! and their toxic traits

Sakuya – Conflict avoidance / Insecure

He struggles to voice what he wants because he’s afraid of upsetting others, this leads to Sakuya never deciding anything which can become kinda... vexing.

Of course, when there’s a fight he just doesn't wants to argue, and definitely avoids discussing certain topics. Not to say he’ll just apologize, but he will often try to find a solution (even if it doesn’t make much sense) to pretend it’s all good and everyone is content when in reality, no ones is.

Itaru �� Childish / Half-assed

Has a tendency to talk about people behind their back when they do something that upsets him, instead of talking it out.

Sometimes going out with him feels like babysitting. He tends to complain if he’s in a place he didn’t want to be. It’s his day off and you two already saw one another three days ago, couldn’t he just have stayed at home?

Incredibly bad memory when it comes to remembering special occasions but try asking him when is the birthday of his favorite character… or maybe don’t.

Masumi – Overly intense / Tunnel focus

This boy’s downfall are relationships. Masumi has incredibly intense feelings – that’s no surprise, so when he finally falls the beginning is perfect, almost fairytale like.

But then he asks opinions about choosing a wedding venue. Asks about a having kids. When going to the store he even begins to look for baby clothes. First week gone and he’ll want to meet with in-laws. Want to move in together.

He loves so much that it’s overbearing and doesn’t realize how pressuring he is – how fast he’s willing to move everything. Still, what’s there to think? Their partner must want the same thing.

Chikage – Righteous / Emotionally Distant

Being with him, whether it’s in a romantic relationship or friendship, is emotionally draining.

While people pour everything they have into their relationships, Chikage, aside from the people from Mankai, won't even be half as invested. And all the time, patience, and effort that should've come from both parties is off unbalance which ofc turns into an eventual distance.

IF he’s ever confronted about it he sighs, because as expected, it now has become a tiring task for him. People know he’s usually like this. Why getting angry or bothered by his persona? It’s not like he was lying or anything to anyone.

Tsuzuru – Workaholic/ Untrustworthy

I think at first his relationships would be great. Tsuzuru does try to make time for friends/partners/family after all.

But sooner than later, he’s again cramped up with scriptwriting, uni, work... you name it.  People notice the pressure he’s under, so he’s usually proposed to take a break, to go with someone somewhere, but he just doesn’t listen. 

He will be apologetic “I’m so sorry, I have to complete this before the end of... “I forgot we were…” “I’ll make it up to you next time!” and it’s understandable, but he’s always like this.

If anyone insist too much, he might get irritated and snap, and if the person snaps back or leave he does realize how badly he messed up… but half the time, he won’t make a move. He’ll tell himself to talk it later.

Citron – Toxic Positivity / Overthinker

King of no one can be mad if we don’t focus on the issue? A little bit tactless given the situation as well.

And god bless him but while he takes notice if anyone is not feeling well, partner or not, he decides to be absolutely oblivious to their bad moods. If they want to talk about it he doesn’t get it either. Why is everyone upset about it, at least it’s over now!

Doesn’t like taking responsibility for his actions, making excuses to justify his behavior.

Tenma – Accusatory / Invasive

Always has something to say, no matter the argument – even if he's clearly the one in the wrong. Instead of working it out rationally, he shifts the blame away and pins it on the other person, guilt-tripping into thinking he's the one compromised.

If others were indeed wrong however, prepare for a non-stop nagging for days to come. If driven by his ego, this will escalate and in eeeevery conflict, this will be brought up.

In a relationship Tenma thinks he has the right to intervene in his partner’s personal affairs, meaning if they have something going on or someone they have a problem with, he’s going to lash out even if he was asked to leave it alone. What-? Why are you mad? You should be thanking him!

Muku – Pessimist / Passive

He want to know everything about everyone and in a relationship, his partner is always free to tell him about their problems… but that’s when troubles begin.

Overly sensitive, and when stresses he’s the type to blame himself in any situation which makes dealing with him kind of exhausting after a while.

That said, despite his kind self, Muku is overly passive in his communication. He often avoids direct confrontation, leading to unresolved issues which given his pessimistic nature as well have him tensed all the time awaiting when his actions might turn against him.

Since it really always his fault, you don’t have to remind him.

Misumi – Uncommunicative / Dismissive

Misumi, as many here, has a tendency to avoid confrontation and suppress his emotions, leading to communication barriers and unresolved issues in any type of relationship.

As it goes, this lack of communication prevents any relationship from progressing and resolving underlying issues, creating a stiff dynamic... at least from other people's view, since Misumi likes to get over things quickly and expects everyone to do the same. A little bit tactless in that sense.

This includes having a hard time taking the blame. He wants it to be on everyone. Even if it’s his fault, the closest anyone’s ever going to get is something like Mmm we all said and did things we shouldn’t, right? let’s try to move on!

Kumon – Overwhelming / Unattentive

He doesn’t even know he usually speaks over or interrupts others but definitely knows he has the need to protect their partner.

He’s so deluded into thinking he’s doing a good thing by pulling their partner away from the slightest danger. Sidewalk is too crowded? He’ll insist to walk on the busy road. Too hot today? Maybe it’s better to stay inside. He pulls everyone away every time he thinks they are close to getting hurt. At first it’s nice, but does become suffocating.

And if it's his partner tells him they don’t need his help, he’ll laugh before assisting anyway.

In general relations sometimes he will not stop even if you can’t keep up with him if he’s too excited. He’s just go go go all the time.

Kazunari – Liar / Dependant

On one hand Kazunari knows he can be completely honest with his partner, but he can’t differentiate between being honest in a way that supports a healthy relationship without… sometimes being honest in a way where he says something to hurt their feelings. So yeah, he sometimes lies.

He also involuntarily crosses boundaries (no consent in certain lives, photos uploaded…) and suffocates with constant attention. He struggles with trust issues too, constantly seeking validation from his partner or others to alleviate his insecurities.

This behavior in the end becomes draining if he’s in a relationship, as his partner feels trapped and unable to maintain their independence.

Yuki – Non-existent filter / Accusatory

During intense moments of blinding anger, Yuki jabs out everything he thinks without ever sugarcoating it, and there really isn't much to stop that.

Also maybe because while logical most of the time, he’s a bit short-tempered in certain situations (especially when stressed), so if provoked or at least he feels recriminated, he'll say some really hurtful things, insecurities that people took time to open up to with him.

If something goes wrong and he’s not in the fault he’s quick to complain as well. He already knew what was going to happen, so why did everyone insist on doing it? And why would anyone think he will sympathise afterwards? 

Banri – Expectations / Charge

Wants to be in charge of everything. Prone to micromanaging their partner while stubbornly refusing to ask for help even if it’s obvious,

He has so much going on that if anyone crosses him, romantic relationship or not, Banri will play with the “I will leave if you want”. Because he would leave and he wouldn’t even feel regretful.

Because of his good memory and capacities, he tends to wait for people to catch things quickly. He didn’t bring coffee to class and expects people to know that he drank it on the way because morning rehearsal was rough. He didn’t answer anyone’s text so he expected everyone to know that needs revision – to him, that stuff is easy. What? No one knew? He always does similar details for everyone – he shouldn’t have to say it out loud every time.

Specially his partner. They should know what he’s thinking in these moments. If they don’t, maybe they didn’t love him as much as they said.

Taichi – Jealous / Low self-esteem

This boy lacks confidence in himself and the relationship no matter the type.

Catches himself thinking how everyone is much better than him – and in a relationship he’s scared his partner would leave him for anyone. Makes sense. They are perfect and kind, he’s just... him.

Of course he would want to be with their partner all the time, very clingy and overly emotional when arguing with him or when they tell him off. Might have taken a look or two at his partner's notifications of messages. He felt bad after though, he promises!

Juza – Self-esteem / Walls

Usually clueless about what he’s doing wrong and can’t seem to know how much effort to put into a new relationship, romantic or not. It could be days of not talking with him or him not answering just because he didn’t know if it would feel abrasive.

So yeah, I wouldn’t say he’s blinded by his anxieties and worries but then again, it’s not like he’ll ever talk about it with anyone either.

In a relationship, Juza wouldn’t think they love him enough to stay if he reveals all his insecurities. In his eyes, his partner will leave him one day, he knows it. They are too good for someone like him.

Sakyo –  Rigid / Controlling

Exceedingly strict but only when it’s related to him. Like, he doesn’t pick up the phone during work time because that wouldn’t be professional of him, yet when he’s with others? He continues mentioning work-related stuff or leaves to take calls.

There’s also certain controlling behavior in his romantic relationships. While he may initially come across as caring and devoted, his need for control becomes evident as the relationship progresses, leading to feelings of suffocation and resentment.

When in a fight, Sakyo is rough with his words and has to have the last word no matter what. His anger also lasts for days and the silent treatment is a huge thing. Will act like nothing has happened after that.

Omi -  Low esteem / Unwillingness to commit

This man's steps on eggshells with relationships, romantic or not. Omi is terrified to let anyone in and see their eyes judging.

In a relationship he’s too scared to show how much he loves his partner and honestly that very own cautiousness, that unwillingness to fall, hurts more than he realizes.

Omi is also someone who never expresses complicated feelings, either. He might just need time, but never asks for any.

People are left feeling like they might only be in the relationship because he doesn’t want to hurt their feelings. When asked he hesitates, which hurts the most. He can’t seem to understand he needs to let himself go. This happens again and again because in the end, Omi decides that it’s best to not fall at all – he doesn’t need another scar.

Azami – Extreme / Overly guarded

Azami is prude but as he grows, he becomes not so… accepting.

He scoffs wherever he sees something he doesn’t approve, and if in a relationship their partner wants to hold his hand, he’ll rip it away and lecture them angrily about how it might look to others. You should know by now.

As such, he tends to be emotionally distant and closed-off in all relationships. He struggles and often avoids discussing his feelings or concerns.

This emotional guardedness creates insecurity in the relationships, as many feel like they are unable to connect with him on a deeper level. His reluctance to open up leads to communication misunderstandings as well.

Their partner or friends must not love him, that’s the only reason he can think of – but he won’t show his fear of that possibility.

Tsumugi – Distracted / People pleaser

This young man doesn’t make it on purpose, which is all the way down frustrating.

He will have periods of time where he’s attentive to everyone, and in a relationship his partner is his number one priority.

Others becomes overly focused on his own pursuits, leaving little time or energy for nurturing any type of relationship. When he notices, he becomes again hyper attentive, doing anything for the relationship to not deteriorate.

But since additionally Tsumugi struggles to communicate effectively about his emotions and decisions, this leads to more distance to grow.

Hisoka – Ghosting / Short-tempered

Honestly he doesn’t look into the care and delicacy relationships take. Doesn’t answer messages nor call and if he does it’s quick and short.

He’s sparse with his attention. No, he doesn’t want to go out, partner, friend, or whatever should stop asking. Also it’s becoming annoying. When in a fight, if he finds it’s not important, it will always seem like he doesn’t care about anything.

Hisoka won’t compromise either, he won’t be more attentive, he doesn’t want to be, that’s too much work. And if they try to force it? Then people just don’t get him and probably just want to change him.

People unwllingness to accept and understand who he is only proves to him that this specific relationship whatever people what to call it, wasn’t meant to be, so he shrugs it off.

Azuma – Façade / Bottling emotions

No matter what, he refuses to share information about himself and can’t keep everything equal, whether you are a friend or his partner.

If there’s a feeling like something is off, and anyone mentions it rather than admitting what’s on his mind he’ll simply say that it’s fine, that all is good and perfect, and then proceed to bury it even deeper within him.

Azuma keeps burying his feelings in and trying not to resent whatever is causing him like this more and more until one day something happens and his emotions erupt out of him and he’s crying or worse, leaves for some time.

If anyone wants to know where he’s been, well, good luck trying to figure it out.

Tasuku – Rough / Absent-minded

Prioritizes his own needs and desires above others, resulting in selfish and insensitive behavior. I can’t imagine Tasuku changing his routine to fit someone else in, lover or not.

To him it’s pretty straightforward If someone doesn’t fall into sync with him, that’s life and this relationship just wasn’t meant to be. What? Why should he change the time he goes to the gym – shouldn’t his partner just get up earlier if they want to eat breakfast with him?

Or with his friends, sure he gets along, but why should he alter the way his life is, and try to finish rehearsal earlier? He doesn’t get the reason to change and tends to avoid fighting, not just because of cutting contact, but because he doesn’t want to fight with anyone... he doesn’t have time for whatever it is.

Homare – Overly worried / Opinionated

By now everyone should know that he will not give you much space when there’s a problem. He will constantly be asking questions about it and little time does he tries to listen to all versions or if he even should intervene.

And holy molly does he intervene often enough.

Also Homare doesn't get mad almost never, but becomes incredibly distressed when something goes wrong.

He won't say anything when he's feeling like that though. It's hard for him to control his emotions during a difficult time period and usually needs to be comforted to calm down but becomes so difficult when it’s time to allow people into the real him.

Guy – Distant / Trust

If this man ever has any type of problem, most people, partner included, will never know.

It’s not that he’s actively trying to keep things away, but he has no way of knowing that he should be sharing certain things.

Everyone is held at arm’s length. His partner might think being his partner would make them close, but it always feels like he confides in his troupe more than them.

Guy doesn’t have a good example of what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like, so don’t expect him to do anything romantic unless anyone tells him so. He also doesn’t have a filter, meaning he’s brutally honest. No one should be surprised if he hurts feelings in his monotonous voice.

_______________________________________________________

Hope you all enjoyed it, definitely interesting to think of them in these terms.

Have a wonderful day! 💕💕

[seongminiz]

note okay so .... i've been reading a manhwa where the second lead is a yandere n dont ask me why that somehow made me think abt minhee n thats how this post was born .. (｡>﹏<) just a short thought tho might make this into a longer fic idk but im tried of gatekeeping my thoughts ₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ₊˚⊹♡

cw yandere behavior duh , reader is so in love with him they don't see the problem with what he does bc idk i love fucked up toxic dynamics like that 💕✨ , no smut ??? in a jo seongminiz work ???? but hey its a little suggestive at least they make out 😮‍💨 n theres some biting too !!! not proof read ofc who do u take me for ( •̀ - •́ )

yandere prince!minhee who will literally kill anyone who dares to even look in your direction for more than five seconds while you, equally as lovesick, trust him with your life n will do anything for him ,, you're too obsessed with him to the point you don't even realize how all the people who oppose you, and even the ones who are more friendly to you than what is deemed appropriate, suspiciously disappear in the matter of days.

you don't even question when he makes a passing comment about how he might have to lock you up to keep you safe from the outside world that is being so cruel to you, nor do you have any complaints when that becomes a reality - after all, if minhee says its for your own good, why shouldn't you trust him? he only wants the best for you, after all.

all you have to do is sit pretty in your room the whole day n not question why the servants attending to you have become less and less with each passing day, or why minhee has taken over most of their duties n takes care of you for everything, even though hes supposed to be sooo busy as the crown prince.

you don't question all the nights minhee comes back to you covered in blood, his breath heavy and his eyes shining with a look between love and something else you can't quite place . you have actually grown quite fond of those times spent cleaning him up, from both his victim's blood and his own, as some of them won't go down without a fight.

those times when minhee leans into your touch, and holds you so tight as if you might disappear - though, where would you go? you're completely fine here with him - and hides his face in your neck, mumbling against your skin how he'll get rid of anyone that threatens to come between your love, how you're the only thing that matters to him. he reminds you you're only his, nibbling along the sensitive skin of your neck and biting your shoulder, licking along your jawline until there is barely any distance between his lips and yours - no, until there is no distance at all. he's forceful, and messy, and you accept it all because the way he kisses you is just like your love.

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

diplomats son by vampire weekend is lowkey sirius/barty though(i forget the shipname)

HI okay idk why i havent answered this. YES SO TRUE !!!

the meanings r frm genius so if im wrong im not dumb its their fault ><

it's not right, but it's now or never / and if i wait, could i ever forgive myself? - 'it's not right' for bcjr cd mean internalized homophobia n for sirius internalized homophobia + hooking up w a nazi but like this is a once in a life time opportunity and whoo is giving that up bfr

cause I'm gonna cut it where i can / and then i'm gonna duck out behind them - "sex w no strings attached" ... or is it ??? "im gna fuck off when im done w you" but like you cant ghh ,,, and like the behind them part too like its v secretive-ish -

if i ever had a chance it's now then / but i never had the feeling i could offer that to you - they r insecure boys <33 !!! they both feel so strongly about one another yet can't reciprocate it

to offer to you would be so cruel / when all i want to do is use, use you - this. this is deathstar at its finest right here. its fucked up enough that they both know how they only want the other to use them - for sex, to shed emotional baggage, to get their aggression out, to fight to whatevr but they offer the smallest kindness which is not letting the other in fully ever bcz what they think is love rn will then definitely turn into love (but like their own fucked up ver of love)

he was a diplomat's son, it was '81 - self explanatory i fear,

with my car keys hidden in the kitchen - okay genius says this is abt getting some1 drunk and raping them but um !!! i will . i will choose to ignore that bc that lowk doesnt make sense,

and the sight of your two shoes sitting in the bathtub / let me know that i shouldn't give up just yet - rare soft deathstar?? aw theyre in love !! :3 (or they killed someone idk)

'cause i'm gonna take it from simon / and then i'm gonna duck out behind them / if i ever had a chance it's now then / but i never had the feeling i could offer that to you / to offer it to you would be cruel / when all i want to do is use, use you - okay so according to genius + my brain is that simon (sirius!) is a friend (wellll not in deathstar context , but in the context of the song (i think)) and 'it' is sex? i think virginity but like nawr not here. so like if deathstar were ever friends this goes crazy bc barty (the one saying this) is like omg ive wanted to sleep w him for so long and now im realizing that i might be able to do it ??? + sexually incompetent barty is lowk a treasure to me soo.. and yeah then theres a little bit more guilt where bartys like i dont want HIM i want to sleep with him , i want to use him ! ofc sirius is just as apathetic and detached as barty is but barty doesnt know that !

i know, you'll say i'm not doing it right / but this is how i want it / i can't go back to how i felt before, there's / that night i smoked a joint with my best friend / we found ourselves in bed, when i woke up, he was gone - okay !! i've been thinking abt this in sirius pov . like post-deathstar w whoever he's with he's used to it (it=sex) being painful and quick and dirty and it's how he's used to it, how he wants it. 'before' is all the quick dangerous pleasure he felt with barty and the night he smoked a joint with his best friend which is JAMESS <333 because PRONGSFOOT <3333333 but i fear this may have been unrequited .... because sirius woke up alone ,,, which could have been the reason he strayed along outside of his social circle in the first place . on the other hand i like this in bartys pov where the not doing it right is sirius telling him how to fuck because kjskg its funni, . the best friend is sirius because ouchers !! angst ^^ !!! sirius wakes up and he's been thinking about leaving this toxic thing he has w barty for a while now but he decides if he doesnt leave now he never will (+ barty is obsessiveee he will nawt let sirius go.) so he leaves wo explaining anything to barty at all

looking out at the ice-cold water all around me / i can't feel any traces of that other place / in the dark, when the wind comes racing off the river / there's a car all black with diplomatic plates - post deathstar , both sides ? unhealthy coping mechanisms core they dont want to be back with one another but they cant exist alone . they remember each other forevr <3

[shirogane-oushirou]

still working through poke!renro 🤔 (this was supposed to be like 2 paragraphs of some Little Things i'd thought about but then i started rambling. again. ;;)

if i end up in galar, rather than having my accident with a nidorina, it might make more thematic sense to have my accident at giant's mirror in galar with a vileplume. spore based attack rather than toxic attack... since ren works with spores. yknow. and during overcast days, vileplume and sawk are both in that area. so my gengar, who isn't strong enough to help me, pleads to a nearby sawk to carry me to hammerlocke to be treated. and that sawk decided to stick around. yippee!!

so the timeline could be johto > take break for art in kalos > travel to galar to help family settle in at new place in wedgehurst > take train to wild area, maybe pop into motostoke before exploring the northern wild area > have accident > get rescued and taken to hammerlocke pokemon center for treatment > they can only do so much since it took a while to find a way to get there > forfeit my johto challenge when we realize my new disabilities make physically reaching and fighting the league next to impossible > have to learn to take it easy in a small out-of-the-way town with fresh air and great weather but not much to do

also i think ren and i would have an interesting time learning to not fear each others' pokemon skjnd. like if he has a gloom i'd have to learn to face my fears being around a spore-producing pkmn, creating a friendship that culminates in that "gloom emits a foul smell when it's around people it isn't comfortable around, but doesn't emit the smell when it feels safe" factoid playing out.

and he'd have to adjust to being around gengar bc he's a scaredy cat when it comes to ghosts, but once they realize they have common ground (being protective over me) they'd be bros kJNSKJDN.

really truly just want to make this an escapist thing where the biggest conflict is just... befriending each others' pokemon. maybe i could math out some timeline stuff and figure out if any world-ending events happen while we're building our friendship since, yknow, those happen all of the time kJSNDFKJN. but other than that, all vibes babey.

i do definitely still want to keep my disability ofc. other disabled ppl will have their own personal views on escapism, but FOR ME, pretending i'm not disabled make my brain go into unproductive, depressing, "what if i never got sick, what if i got to do xyz that i can't now" places -- and what poke!ro goes through kiiiinda reflects what happened to me if you squint really really hard kJNSDF.... honestly ALL of poke!ro's stuff hits close to home but with a fantastical, pokemon coat of paint over it lmao. ;;

[narrators-journal]

Sorry if you've been getting a lot of Persona 2 requests recently so feel free to decline. May I request Jun and Shadow Eikichi for day 5? Or you can replace Jun with someone else if you'd like. Thank you and happy Kinktober!

Don’t apologize for giving me persona 2 requests! I love persona 2! I love Tatsujun, and I love Eikichi. It’s like Ryomina for me. AKA, whether or not I focus on it in the moment, I love getting requests to write for them. So, feel free to ask for as much as you want!

Besides, I have only gotten persona 2 requests for kinktober, not counting the one I sent myself lololol. So, there’s no shame in asking, I welcome them! And, on that note, I hope you enjoy this one. Eikichi isn’t the first partner I think of for Jun (Tatsujun forever lmao), but writing this has opened my eyes to how fun these two are as a pair! Might be a toxic pair with how I write Jun sometimes, but still very fun! I hope that comes through, and I hope you feel free to send in any other pairs you’d like for this event!

Kinktober promptlist: Here

Kinktober masterlist: Here

CW: Leans a little dom/sub in the dynamics here, a bit of teratophilia, breathplay, ofc, a hint of masochism too, maybe. Oh! And teasing, and a minimum of edging, if not blueballs. You can decide what happens after this fic!

Eikichi Mishina had an insane sexual appetite that infected every aspect of his personality. It was understandable, though, he was a relatively fresh eighteen-year-old man, and even before then, how else would a man turn out when he attended a school of nothing but other dudes for almost his entire puberty? It was natural that the moment he was legally allowed to buy something like a porno magazine, he’d go feral for any even vaguely-female humanoid.

Succubi, Empusa, Miyabi Hanakouji, Lisa Silverman, even something like Pixie was enough to make Eikichi’s head race to the gutter. And, hell, regardless of whether Eikichi Mishina realized it, his shadow knew that his attractions didn’t stop at feminine figures. Because, if it had, the tall shadow would be able to look Tatsuya’s doppleganger in the eye without mental images of his muscular body, or lewd ponderings of whether or not the tall brunette’s body had filled out from the teenage lankiness with all of the shit Master Joker’d put him through already.

Even with that knowledge though, his shadow had never expected the inability to breathe to stir up such a twisted warmth in his belly. Yet, as he laid in a heap on the cold floor of Master Joker’s bedchamber, with squeaks the only sound he could muster, the excitement was undeniable. Undeniable, and an embarrassment for the shadow’s ego.

It was more of an embarrassment than how easily Master Joker was able to get the singer on the ground. At least the shadow could live with the difference between the demonic god that had made him, and himself. It was a completely different humiliation to feel the heated buzz of weakness wash over him when Joker would shut him up with a lack of oxygen.

The only icy comfort the tall singer got from the demon’s cruel method of punishment was the way that he could sometimes catch a brief glimpse of something lewd in the demon’s eyes during each of the tall man’s little ‘punishements.’ Yet, even that wasn’t strong enough to quell the annoyance that bubbled up each time that Eikichi was drug into a separate room for reprimandment after an ‘overly casual’ comment or nickname for Master Joker. Even if he didn’t say it to the demon themself.

“Why…” the disshevelled singer rasped, tears in the corner of his crimson eyes and a snarl on his lipstick’d lips during the latest round of...whatever weirdly sexually charged torment Joker deemed necessary for him. “Why is it that...when Tatsuya calls you a name, you barely fucking glare at him. But when I do it, you fucking try to kill me!” He snapped, his words like a cheese grater on his throat, his thoughts little more than gauze shoved into his skull. Yet, his red-faced aggravation was only met with a lazy flick of Joker’s tail. The demon’s cerulean eyes hardly lifted from the botany book he casually flicked through. So, for a painfully long moment, Eikichi was left to lay with his pale cheek on the metal floor of Master Joker’s bedchamber and look up at the demonic god who ignored his greedy breaths.

Thankfully for the shadow, though, he felt no additional shame in how he could admire the god. The roundness of their face, which muddied the certainty of their gender when paired with their thick lashes, ebony hair that was short enough to not pass the nape of his neck, yet long enough for his bangs to drape over one of his blue eyes, and somewhat full lips. So, Eikichi’s shadow could see how with their mask on, nobody could tell their gender at a glance. He could also see why Sudou was insanely attached to Master Joker. They were ruthless and scary, but also insanely pretty, no matter what gender they really were.

Though, gender didn’t matter for Eikichi’s shadow. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that, man or woman, Master Joker was pretty. Even if the sight of him laying partially on his side on his spacious, curtain-surrounded bed without his mask did not help the erection that sat trapped in the shadow’s pants. “Simple.” Joker hummed with another flick of his flower-tipped tail. Their nonchalant tone an instant needle to Eikichi’s thought bubble. “Because I need him to confront the cursed star and take his place so I can have utter control.” And, just like that, the moment of almost contented contemplation was washed away by a fresh wave of anger and offense. “As if he’s the only fucking doppleganger?!” He snapped, only to feel dizziness begin to creep back into his head almost as soon as the words were out of his lipstick’d mouth. “He’s not.” Joker agreed, their voice more feminine in the moment, though the shadow couldn’t tell if he truly sounded like Miyabi Hanakouji, or if the thin air in the demon’s bedchamber was to blame for that association. Though, regardless of that detail, Joker continued, “But, the cursed star is a necessary element to account for in my plans. Mishina nor that blonde trash bag even compare to that level of importance. So, by extension, neither are you.”

It was said so simply, as if it were common knowledge. So, by that logic, it shouldn’t have stung the singer to hear. Yet, the words felt like razor wire against the shadow’s skin, even as the demon laid on his bed nonchalantly with no care for the lack of oxygen in the air. As if Eikichi wasn’t weakly sat against the wall. Any strength he’d regained from the pause quickly drained back to the fatigue and anxiety. “Do you finally understand that now?” Joker asked, those bright blue eyes of theirs finally lifted from the pages of their book to focus in on the tall singer, a small smile on their lips. “Or are you just too caught up in your sinful little high to grasp my words now?” “I-I’m-” Eikichi’s meager attempt at a complaint swiftly cut off when the air in his lungs seemed to evaporate upon his first syllable. With it, his ability to inhale as a whole. Until he was left with nothing but the buzz of intoxicating fear to crawl over his pale skin. “If you’re not lustful, then what are you, Mishina?” The demon goaded with dark amusement in their voice. Though, the tall man couldn’t get the breath to even force out another attempt of a reply. All that came out was a squeak of a moan. Which, seemed to manifest Joker’s pale, beautiful face in front of Eikichi’s eyes. His smile just large enough to be seen through the dark spots that swiftly grew to threaten to swallow his vision. “You forget that I created you, Mishina. You are an extension of myself, and thus I can choose whether or not to feel through you the same way I might feel through my own skin.” The demon explained, their voice a sickly sweet mimickry of Miyabi’s now, there was no doubt about it in the slurry of slowly decayed thoughts. Even through the slow thump of the heartbeat that seemed to rattle the shadow’s bones so hard that he slumped back onto the cool metal floor.

Thankfully, though, Master Joker seemed to take a bit of mercy on the shadow and released his hold on the room’s oxygen before his brain was damaged. Even if that mercy released a large wave of white-hot euphoria as soon as the shadow gulped down a breath of real oxygen.

Though, the thoughtless moan that the rush earned was clearly a desired reaction, because Eikichi could see Joker smile a bit more when his vision began to clear up. Though, instead of some snarky reply, or plea, the first thing that the shadow managed when he could concentrate again was, “Fuck…” before he began to feel the headache seep back in. Which, made the demon give an evil giggle while their tail wagged, “Oh? Do you want to sleep with me so desperately that you’re making demands now, Mishina?” They teased, the weight of the gorgeous demon’s hand on the shadow’s lower belly trickled into the monster’s brain when the buzz of relief finally ebbed.

So, the singer could feel as Joker’s slender fingers snaked beneath the long shirt that the shadow wore under his jacket, and he could feel the gentle bite of the demon’s claws as they ghosted down his belly and only stopped once they’d grazed over the bulge in Eikichi’s pants to earn a deep shudder. But, all Eikichi could do was whimper needily, even as the oxygen returned his ability to form thoughts and feel the brush of the demon’s fingers over the tent in his pants “Y’know,” The demon said, their voice more masculine now as they leaned down closer to the shadow’s face, their voice dropped to a whisper as they continued, “Part of the real reason I let Tatsuya’s shadow get away with the disrespect, is because he’s very pretty, and he offers to sate any of my own petty sins. Until youcan offer something to that degree, you better fucking stop your petty, pathetic cries for attention. You’re supposed to be a better version of Eikichi Mishina, act it.” With that, the demon waved his tail in the shadow’s face and sapped whatever strength kept him from falling to the fatigue in his bones. And, that was the end of the singer’s punishment.

[evelhak]

Okay, I never would have anticipated this but apparently someone in the fandom blocked me because they thought I was a pedophile and then proceeded to write a post about it, though they didn't name me directly, but they did encourage people to find me. Geez. I've never cared about labels like proshipper or anti because people have different definitions of them and I don't want to give someone the wrong impression to either direction.

Personally though, I would be too uncomfortable writing about minors being in a romantic/sexual relationship with adults (and have never done it) because my writing tends to lean towards psychological realism, and I don't think those kind of relationships are healthy, so I wouldn't "ship" them. If I ever wrote a story about one, it would undoubtedly be from the perspective of how this relationship is harmful. And it probably wouldn't be fanfiction.

I've never even written about minors having sex with each other. I do write about their awakening sexual feelings and some little "experimentation" though, because that's realistic? (Not that teenagers having sex isn't, but I would only write about that in a non-explicit standard YA way.)

I don't write porn at all, I've never written a single explicit sex scene in my life. (I probably will but it's definitely going to be about people over 18.)

However, I don't think other people are garbage human beings for doing something that I don't feel comfortable doing? No, I don't think fiction doesn't have consequences or that it doesn't matter if someone romanticizes toxic relationships or something. But I also don't think everything that has X element in it is automatically harmful, it depends on how that element is handled.

Furthermore I'm not going to come at people for shipping child characters with adult characters even though I wouldn't do it myself. Life is complicated. I can understand that someone might be shipping those characters because they are trying to solve their own past through it. Someone might be shipping them because the character doesn't actually look or act like a teenager but represents an adult better, so the person decided to ignore their conceptual age because it has ceased to be meaningful. I can understand someone might be writing porn about minors because of something they did or didn't do at that age. I don't think you lose your right to reflect upon your memories of a certain age once you're no longer that age, that's ridiculous.

By the way I don't find ANY characters sexually attractive. -_- I don't even find real people sexually attractive. I don't think anyone is hot. I don't know if I will even date anyone in the future but personally I think in general I'm too old for people under 25 and too young for people over 40.

But I don't shame other people for thinking differently about fictional characters, not about teenage characters either, especially when so many teenage characters don't look like teenagers. People I know who do find fictional "teens" attractive don't find actual teens attractive at all, because fictional teens so often look and behave like adults because they are written by adults who don't remember their teenage enough. (Not to say there aren't adults who write good teenagers, ofc there are.) I also know people who self-ship their past younger self with a fictional teen and I don't see how that's automatically a terrible idea, I think if it helps them fill some void they didn't get to fill when they were that age, it's great they have a safe way of doing it?

OBVIOUSLY there are actual pedophiles out there, there are people who would hurt others, AND THAT'S A PROBLEM TO BE DEALT WITH but not everyone who would see no problem with a 17-year-old dating an 18-year-old is the problem? People literally think the issue is as black and white as that sometimes, and that's what concerns me.

I realize now that this person who blocked me was 17 when I liked their posts/talked to them but I didn't know they were, because I didn't pay attention. (In my life it's normal for kids and adults to be friends and it's really weird to me in some online spaces this isn't normal but I understand it might be because some countries are less safe than mine.) Had I understood this person was sensitive/wary about adults talking to them, I obviously wouldn't have. I followed them because they had a lot of views on characters that seemed opposing to mine, and I think it's healthy to expose yourself to differing opinions instead of ignoring them, because you might always learn something you hadn't thought of. I wish nothing but pleasant time in fandom for them, but I'm not going to let someone call me a pedophile without saying something. Even if the person saying it is barely an adult, since the ability to hurt someone with malice and wrong information is not restricted by age. Black and white thinking is also something people of all ages do.

I don't think this person is a bad person so if you know who it is, don't hate on them. I think blocking me was absolutely the right thing for them to do, because your own feeling of safety is the most important thing online. However, calling me something I'm not and posting it is very wrong and I hope they will realize this some day, since I'm not the only person I've seem them target.

Lol, sometimes I still feel like I'm too "innocent" for fandom, for the lack of a better word. No matter how much shit I see in my life, toxic environments and bullying still hits the same.

*Edit:

In case I worded the above badly: I don't think material that objectifies and sexualizes children should be published. This post is about though crime: I don't think that's a thing. What you do privately between adults is nobody's business. And I don't think media that contains X element automatically promotes it, nuance exists.

[sharkface-daydreams]

5 works :3 ship opinion bingo: sharkface/felix, sharkface/locus, sharkface/price, sharkface/carolina, and sharkface/kimball

So many shark ships, is this my birthday??? lol

Let's start with my main otp of all time ever, Sharkface/Locus :3333 with the rest under a cut for sake of scrolling ofc

Despite appearances, Sharkface is actually the most well adjusted "just some guy" of the mercs since Siris is gone. And that I think can tug Locus back towards the realm of balance, make him realize hey this fucked up thing I have with Felix? doesn't need to be like this. Like sure they're both still fucked up freaks, but I think since Sharkface is actually capable of being normal about people stuff Locus' badly calibrated interpersonal compass could be bright back into better alignment. It might not be normal but Sharkface would be decently chill about Locus needing to start being a good guy in earnest and having a Person at the vet least is good for Sharkface. He's a social animal and needs to have People around to love and nurture or he suffers.

Which brings us to my next favorite, the ever-toxic "what the fuck is with these guys" ship: Shark/Felix >:) the only way I can see these guys is as aromantic and casually sexual but still somehow weirdly codependent. They 100% bring out the worst in each other, and really I can mostly only see this "working" in an extremely specific or modern AU.

The oddly specific one is a personal au of mine where Sharkface survives Armonia bc one of his assigned squad scrapes him off the pavement and gets him to medical. So that when Felix is falling off the tower like a meteor headed to hell Sharkface is like huh that looks like it's gonna suck and yoinks him sideways instead with his grapplehook. (Do not tell me he isn't any good with it you know that boy spent way too much time with his old squad doing dumb shit and stupid tricks) They both escape death by sheer dumb luck, Locus disappears like a ghost and the UAC runs the remnants off of Chorus into an escape Condor. It's uh. It's like that one post. Fuck. I can't find the screenshot but it's like enemies to begrudgingly working together and maybe me saving your life and you saving mine i feel some sort of minor obligation and i guess you're not that bad after all and we don't work so bad together and at some point it's just easier to stick together kind of thing. And with Sharkface he needs a person or people as stated above and Felix clings because it's weird to not have someone at his side and well they're getting work done and making money and the sex is good so why break a decent grind while it's still working out... ANYWAY. That, and enraged hatefucking while the wars still on. Those are the options but god are they chewy.

There's no real rhyme or reason to the order, truthfully these rotate in my top spot depending on the day lol but Sharklina is so. SO. ough. listen ok so they're enemies at first and Lina completely rocks his shit and thanks to the Skittles assholes he loses everything and they forget about the people they've crushed under a fucking skyscraper. He's hell bent on revenge, she's hell bent on redemption. which is extremely funny in light of his tattoo. they're both competitive and dedicated and passionate and neither one of them likes backing down, and honestly in like a modern au with them meeting at like idk an MMA match or something i think they'd kick each other's asses and then make out. In canon though they've got SO MUCH deliciously chewy baggage to work through and if they hadn't just fucking shot him bc they were running out of time and he declared his undying vengeance i think they might have begrudgingly found they had quite a lot in common over time and through a LOT of hand to hand combat. Ugh. They make me insane. Stubborn little fuckers.

a 'problematic' but evergreen fave. two unsc prisoners freed and pressganged by criminals, one acting in his former capacity as a psychological professional but likely without any licensure any longer, and only with the intention to hone sharkface into a keen blade of revenge to clip some loose ends from his life to make a cleaner getaway, or at least that's what I assume. he proves to be scheming to save his own hide towards the end. BUT WHAT IF he finds an odd attachment to this broken soldier, nearly suicidal in his desires for revenge, to quiet the ghosts in his mind? either as an intellectual curiosity or personal curiosity. i like the option of sharkface trying to dig into him in return with what little he knows of the guy besides the fact that he's playing his cards very close to his vest. that contrarianism can either work against price or right into his hands, but it's about grabbing the right leads and if he misjudges, the shark will thrash free and go right for the neck...

i guess i don't have a whole lot coherent to say but i do love to chew on this weird lopsided power dynamic and toss in a bit of shipping just to see where it goes. sometimes you get a fluff blend where they're both hurting in the core of them and deciding that actually this war is stupid/doomed/worthless and fucking off together to not heal persay but find some mutual comfort is nice. it's versatile because they're both tertiary and quaternary villains in 13 so there's entirely too much grey space to fill in, even though we've known the counselor since season 6 (technically)

now THIS one i had to chew on for a while because the only canon interaction they have is Kimball witnessing his "as long as I'm alive you're all as good as dead!" speech and shooting him in the chest. 🥴

but. in a world where he's captured instead maybe. Kimball won't let him at the freelancers and he's pissed. the freelancers killed the only people that ever gave a fuck about him, so the only thing left to keep him warm is revenge. Kimball knows a thing or two about having someone kill your entire family callously without losing a wink of sleep over it. She's a lot of tough love because she has to be as a leader, as a source of courage and a beacon of hope for her troops to look towards. But that might actually work on him. She might be able to convince him that you have to keep moving forward regardless, and tearing through innocents on your way to extract a personal revenge doesn't make you any better than the people who wronged you in the first place.

He'd resist at first, refuse to listen, tell her to fuck off, because what does he have left to hold if not for that last ember of vengeance? But he was put off balance when Carolina first apologized to him. Kimball's talked to him a few times. He's got a conscience in there even if he doesn't want it and the worst part is she's right. She's right and he hates it and the more he thinks about all the kids he killed on this side for the mercs the sicker he feels, and finally decides he'll fight for them, give up intel on the mercs and take the fight right back to the guys who brought him here in the first place.

I think to be anything romantic it'd take a very very long road of shark redemption first and probably a lot of awkward "we can't possibly, she's the president of the whole planet and I'm some asshole Merc that turned sides to fight for them/i can't possibly impose, i can't ask someone out bc they'll feel obligated bc I'm the president argh power dynamic" and he's probably aiding rebuilding efforts after and maybe Kimball feels compelled to check in with him occasionally and there's a fondness there that grows slowly and maybe he finally cracks a joke and it takes her by surprise and he's never heard her laugh like that before and uh oh that did it, the dam has broken and he'll take her out on lunch dates to make sure she does take a break sometimes, and after spending so long having to worry about looking after everyone else is nice to have someone who looks after her too, and aaaa ok good job thanks you made me ship it /o\ ...jerk (affectionate)

also i was gonna like proofread this but I've been working on this for a couple hours on and off now and I'm tired so while this was VERY FUN THANK YOU i am too tired for proofreading so hopefully it's legible

[quenthel]

oughughug ed stuff (also some tmi stuff)

i have been recovering from my ED pretty well... learning how to enjoy meals and not overeat all the time im even a little bit distressed/ reward myself with other stuff than food so my relationship to meals have changed... i also got much more into cooking than i was bc of dunmeshi too and i enjoyed the philosophy of cooking and eating meals from that manga so much legit helped me a ton to think about it more and really internalize it. Like reading that manga really made me reconsider what i think of food and that made it easier for me not to fall back into old bad mindsets as much (but i do sometimes still its a work in progress)

And like I lost a lot of weight bc of this (i just eat a little less move a little more and give more time and thought to my meals) like its been still a struggle for me esp in the beginning and by this point im losing weight very slowly like it took me 8 months to lose 10kg while the first 8 i lost in like 2 months. And while this food journey was overall good for my mental my body got much much weaker psychically esp my endurance because its a large change. Im not sad about it because being overweight (and still being overweight lol) was making me miserable (and the societal hatred for fat people was part of that ofc, but also mostly it was caused by some beliefs i have about my own self worth its a big issue) but I feel like no weight loss post or story or anything talks about this. I also started to exercise and so far some of it has been harder but some of it has been easier. And i still need to work a lot on appreciating my own body and truly inhabiting it in a sense like being at peace with it and not fighting it and connect to my own body as its part of myself and not just something im in. Like its part of me. Funnily enough the times i really felt that connection were the times I was spending a lot of time together with other people like irl (when i had a huge friend group and we drank a lot together or when i was w my ex lol).

Like at this point i weigh less than i ever remember weighing (even in my teens lol) and i still have a long way to go. But i would not have done it without being supported by my friends and parents like i dont think anybody can come out of toxic mindsets without opening those doors and asking for help or knowing that they HAVE to do it for other people (like my dad recovering from alcoholism because he was scared he will die before seeing my brother and me grow up). Also its funny that around the time i started really thinking abt my own body and my health and really asking for help (in therapy too) to make me truly healthy, not working on it in isolation like i did after beating disco elysium was around the time i started thinking abt being trans too. Like realizing that my body is me made me think more about my own gender too. I’m also thinking a lot abt starting HRT but that would be impossible for me bc of my country (idk if i can even do that abroad but maybe...) but I don’t want to yet since I want to establish my body mind connection first and THEN see if i still feel like I should.

Anyway im around halfway done with my weightloss plans and its been 9 months. I originally wanted to recover fully and reach that weight and develop habits to exercise regularly in 2 years but since im moving soon i might not be able to focus on this as much or maybe its going to get easier... who knows. I still feel like I’m a work in progress tho both bc of therapy and bc of this but also because i really feel like im JUST starting to become more of an adult because im thinking about these things (and its making me more sad that i cant be financially independent yet but im trying to be patient). But it feels like im currently at a point of my life when im changing for the better overall and while I struggle a lot its not as bad as it was before so thats pretty hopeful...

[night-rhea]

On my knees to ask some Night stuff/ideas you want to share

I am in fact asking bc Ryan is getting reworked so ofc I need to see his bestie again

Omg is it my birthday is this a gift to me im overjoyed, my precious Ryan

My simp powers are ringing when it comes to him can you feel it-

Now lets talk about dark Hogwarts years shall we?

As i made it very obv by now in y6ch18 with Cordell's death, both Night's and Kai's life has been completely changed. And im dying to know this effected Ryan.

Im sure you can imagine how the trauma effected our little gremlins. Plus, there is no Circle like there is Circle of Khanna in canon hphm plotline. Thats because Cordell' death did not bring everyone together, it did scare them away. Especially Charlie and Penny, they had to protect their siblings in canon too remember? Now their move might be ooc in canon because cmon Charlie your big brother was literally Rakepicks student Penny your sister got tuck in portrait for nearly a year dou you guys think youre out of this cursed vaults shit??

But in my caon things are different. İts very Rhea related. When i post my "Rhea's History" or something like that post youll see it better but Night's connection is purelly because they are a Rhea, a family that deeply connected to R and our bluehead is especially special because of the curse they carry in their blood.

Soo my point being is now their friends are afraid to get stuck in the fire between Rhea's. İ dont blame them for staying away. You should't too. And when i mean them, its most of Night's friends. Not all of them.

Not Ben, for example. Not Merula too. Especially not Rowan too. And suprisingly somehow not Talbott too.

But between them Ben's support was special. No not because it was also romantic duh do you think i would do something like that? Because his support was rather toxic. Being a support, being a protector became an obsession to him. Dont worry he will outgrow it but s t i l l. (Night and Ben's most romantic year was fifth year and i treasure this)

Maybe maybe you can tell me about Ryan's relationship with these people! And his place in this canon of mine. Then dont forget to tell me about YOUR canon so i can place Night in it too hehe

You made me realize i missed character interactions sobs its been so long love ya hug ya thank ya

also tell me if you wamt some Night's gremlin years too i swear im capable of doin fluff-

[steele-soulmate]

Tattooed Wings, CHAPTER 621, Peter Steele & OFC, Soulmate AU

SUMMARY: Mary Claire Bradley meets her soulmate- literally- the famous Peter Steele of metal group Type O Negative. But will obstacles including trauma, stalkers, and toxic family members get in the way of their life?

WARNING: mentions of child rape (nothing graphic) PTSD, milk kink, soft smut, grinding, assault, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, 69, P in V sex, blood, noncon rape, violence, death, vandalism, graffiti, attempted kidnapping, break-ins, wild animal attacks, terrorist attack (sabotage) consensual impregnation, bareback, impregnation kink, creampies, terrorist attacks (shootings) hit and run pedestrian accident, precipitous labor, neonatal death, abandoned baby, child intoxication, death of a minor character, injured baby, kidnapped child

WORDS: 1023

I was in the bathroom doing my business when my mommy senses told me that Katie had visitors and that Elizabeth was taking a nap. I finished up, flushing the toilet and closing the lid before washing my dirty paws.

When I left the bathroom, I found a dozen giggling kids all surrounding Katie while a woman stood off to the side.

“Hello, I’m the teacher in charge of the color guard club,” she introduced herself with a smile.

“Hello, I am the all might super mommy goddess,” I told her before turning. “If anyone wakes up Elizabeth, may your god smile down on you with kindness.”

“But mommy, Lizz Lizz can sleep through a hurricane!” Katie whined, hugging Jing close to her. “Nothing can ever wake her.”

This was true- once Elizabeth was asleep for the night, then she would almost always sleep all the way through the night. From nine o’clock PM at night until seven o’clock AM in the morning were her lights out hours.

“Still, use your gentle voice, yeah?” I turned to the teacher, hoisting Baby Jojo into my arms and popping out my hip to rest her onto. With a quiet babble, she settled into a nap with her fingers entangled in my loose red curls.

“Wow, no wonder the fans call you a super mommy!” she teased me as Baby Tommy led the rest of his little siblings up to the both of us. “Where is Peter by the way?”

“Right here!” he rumbled as he came swooping into the hospital room.

“Daddy!” Baby Tommy screeched before leading a stampede of Ratajczyk babies over to demand cuddles with their daddy. “Daddy, mesies wantsies uppie up ups!”

Peter chuckled as he sat himself into his thronelike chair before welcoming all the babies to come and perch across his manly chest.

“Wowee…” A little boy turned to Katie. “Your daddy is big.”

“Six foot eight inches,” Peter told him as he got himself comfortable. “I ate my vegetables as a child.”

Katie’s friends from Saint Micheal’s color guard club were all looking at my handsome older husband with awe and wonder shining in their eyes.

“Uh oh my love…” I giggled, taking a seat on his knee at his silent invitation. “If I didn’t know any better, then I would say that you started a revolution!”

“Oops.” Here, he just leaned forward to run his nose lovingly against my cheek. “I’m not sorry at all- if anything, I’m rather proud for encouraging the kids to eat their greens!”

“Oh mo mairteoil láidir, dathúil, sexy,” I giggled, leaning into him as Baby Jojo breathed peacefully in my arms.

“You want to know something sweetheart, but I have no idea what you’re saying when you speaking those languages that you know,” he hummed, chuckling as Baby Teddy snorted in his sleep before nudging Baby Eve out of the way as he then promptly spread out, taking up as much of the vast expansive chest of his daddy’s as he possibly could.

“Krome russkogo?” I teased him.

“Dagé russky,” he grumbled.

“Daddy? Mesies melkiy?” Baby Eve surprised us with just then, looking absolutely cute as a button curled in tightly on her daddy’s chest.

“Znaete lee vy russky yazyk?” Peter chuckled before realizing. “Wait a minute- cack vy znaete russky yazyk?”

I was cackling as I helped little Baby Eve down and walked with her to the bathroom, shutting the door behind the both of us. I took a perch onto the edge of the tub as she tugged her shorts down to her ankles and got onto the toilet.

“Where on earth did you pick up Russian?” I asked her good humoredly as she kicked her little feet to the beat of some song playing in her head.

Baby Eve could only giggle as I handed her a few squares of toilet paper for her to wipe herself clean.

“Bye bye pee pee!” she called as I flushed the toilet before hoisting her up to wash her hands. “Mommy, mesies wantsies to wun!”

“You want to run?” I repeated after her, making certain that o knew what she was asking me. “Okay, I can let you work off your baby zoomies by running back and forth in the hallway, okay?”

“Da!” she cheered happily, seizing a hold of my hand and toddling out from the bathroom. “Da! Da! Da! Da! Da! Da! Da! Da!”

Mo stór, my dear, Irish Gaelic

Oh mo mairteoil láidir, dathúil, sexy, oh my strong, handsome, sexy beefcake, Irish Gaelic

Krome russkogo, except Russian, Russian

Dagé russky, even Russian, Russian

Melkiy, potty, Russian

Znaete lee vy russky yazyk, do you know Russian

Cack vy znaete russky yazyk, how do you know Russian, Russian

Da, yes, Russian

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