#this was a deeply self indulgent thing to do but it did motivate me to learn how to link a google domain to a github server

[witchwood-yeehaw]

There’s a site now oh boy

I spent a whole $12 on the web domain you can like read it now and everything. http://witchwoodbook.com/ (A warning it is not yet optimized for mobile sorry I’m a bit out of practice with css...)

[reaperluvr]

casual?

a self indulgent angsty fanfiction about my tiefling tav with lae’zel and astarion. her name is Adhara and she means so much to me

cw: mentions of sex but nothing explicit, wlw situationship, angst, Lae’zel feeling feelings

why him?

Lae’zel thinks of herself as strong, independent, and even a little scary. She came to terms with that, she doesn’t normally think about what others feel about her. Not until that tiefling wizard came into her life.

It’s unlike her to feel so deeply for someone, especially a person whom gith consider weak and a waste of space. Lae’zel never thought much of tieflings until Adhara asked her to join in on the adventure to find a cure for their shared predicament.

Over time, she found herself becoming close to the purple, horned creature. So close, she found herself confessing a feeling one day on a whim. It wasn’t so much a declaration of love; but more so a burning, lustful desire to feel her skin against the other woman’s.

It would be an understatement to say that’s all they did together that night, and many nights after. After long days of fighting and exploring the shadowlands, the two would often find each other in the tent, sharing sweet kisses and soft touches. Lae’zel is not who you would call gentle, she wouldn’t believe you if you told her she was becoming soft for a tiefling of all things.

But that was the exact problem with their relationship.

As much as Adhara would try to learn and understand gith customs and culture, Lae’zel couldn’t seem to do the same. When speaking lowly of tieflings, Lae’zel would forget Adhara even is one. She would often speak those insults in front of her, not realizing until after the venomous words have already spilt from her mouth how harmful it could be. From the silence from Adhara, Lae’zel would always just assume she understood her forgetfulness and that’s why she didn’t try to correct her.

It took her a while, but the githyanki did start to notice the distance between her and the purple tiefling. At first it started off with shorter visits to her tent, less motivation for sex and more so just sitting in almost silence. This continued to happen until Adhara stopped coming to Lae’zel’s tent altogether.

After a few lonely nights, the warrior decided to confront Adhara when everyone would rest for the day. Lae’zel waited when the camp seemed completely quiet to come out from her tent and attempt to find Adhara. The strange part is how she wasn’t found in her own tent. The githyanki continued to search around the area until she started to hear voices.

two voices.

she followed the noise quietly, hoping to vlaakith Adhara wasn’t speaking to who she thought she was. When she drew closer, she came to a stop to hide herself behind a nearby tree. Not too close so they could sense her, but close enough so Lae’zel would be able to hear their conversation.

She regretted it instantly.

The most she heard was flirting from the both of them at the start. Lae’zel started to dissociate from pure rage until she heard her name spoken from those soft lips of Adhara’s. But it was something the warrior wished she could relinquish from her mind.

“Lae’zel? Why are you asking about her?”

“I’m sorry for prodding, my dear. But it seemed to me you two had something going on. You two spent a lot of alone time together during the nights.”

“No, well- yes. However, we were never in a relationship. It was just something casual.”

Casual?

That’s what you would call that?

Casual.

Part of Lae’zel wanted to interrupt and release her anger onto the both of them, she wanted to kill the vampire for pursuing her woman. she wanted to kill the tiefling for such a betrayal.

But the other part of her could do nothing but stand still behind the tree. This was the first time Lae’zel found herself at loss for words, for actions.

No, her and Adhara never made anything set in stone. Most of the time spent with her was because of either exploration or sex during the late nights.

But was the way Adhara held her supposed to be casual? Were the sweet, reassuring words spoken casual? The urgency to help her in a near death experience because of the Zaith’isk, the desperation shown to Shadowheart when she had a knife to her throat?

All of that was casual.

Lae’zel couldn’t understand why Adhara drifted away to choose Astarion over her. Why him? What’s so special about him?

Has it always been this way? Was the tiefling always desiring for this man, if you could even call him that? She had so many questions that would forever go unanswered. She couldn’t seem to understand the similarities the two had, she didn’t want to.

Did Lae’zel have to have similarities to be loved by Adhara? No..

Did Lae’zel have to be a man instead?

[dr-demi-bee]

2024 Writing Retrospect

Thanks for the tags @marlowethebard and @galeorderbride 🥰

What's been your biggest learning point this past year?

I think the thing I've really learned the most about this year is collaborative creative writing. Getting into narrative style role-playing has informed it a lot - I've definitely learned a lot about how to 'yes, and' and to get into a character's skin. Not only that, but this year I found a community of other writers! And now I'm learning how to be brave and share my work more, how to discuss content without fear of judgement, and to enjoy the process more.

And I think the number one thing I really learned this year has been that there are people that like my work! Genuinely! They like it! They like my characters and my style and- 🥹🥹

How has your writing developed this past year?

This year was a bit of a wild ride. While I got back into writing in general in late '22, started writing fanfic in late '23, and started *posting* fic in even later '23 - I feel like I didn't hit my stride until this year. And that's not to say I wasn't writing well before now - I just feel like I've really started to find my voice (again) and get out of the academic headspace and into the creative.

Good writing habits?

I do it? Haha!

I think, honestly, other than letting myself write what I want and just generally spending time writing - my best good writing habit this year has been allowing myself to be motivated by the enthusiasm of my friends.

Bad writing habits?

Word vomit. Sometimes my stream of consciousness writing is Too Much™️ and I spend way too much time in my own head trying to edit it into something 'perfect'. I'm exceptionally bad at killing darlings.

Favorite thing you wrote?

I know I haven't updated it recently (and I am this close to changing that, I swear) - but my favorite piece is my long fic. It's self-indulgent, but it feels so good to write. And I genuinely enjoy re-reading it every time someone comments on it

Service and Worship are not Love (e.g. the Primalweave story)

Favorite reads?

I've read so many exceptional things this year! It's so hard to pick! But here's a few that stand out:

to admit everything by meownotgood

Axioms of heavenly bodies; an intimate analysis of systems unknown and the pleasures contained therein by @12thhouse-sun

Deeply and Immovably So by @dutifullylazybread

if music by the food of love, play on series by @pouroverpaloma

literally any of the poetry written by @waterdeep-weavemoss

every brain chemistry altering galemance piece by @senualothbrok

Biggest win?

Finishing the October Blurbapalooza! How did I do that! Ah! That was a lot of fun. 🥰

(and secretly, giving myself permission to skip the last day felt really fucking good hehe)

Goals for the new year?

I'd love to finish my long fic. Or at least post a dozen of the WIPs I've got staring at me from the editing pile. (whoops)

What are you excited for in the new year?

To keep going. 🥰 To be in a space where I am comfortable, welcome, and loved - and where I am encouraged to be creative and can support others doing so!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Open boops for anyone interested in doing this yourself. Thanks for a good 2024 lovelies 💙🥰 Here's to a safe and comfy 2025.

[mod-kyoko]

"Shatter Me" kirumi tojo angst fic

info: gn!reader, established relationship, tw: pstd, scars, mentions of execution, around 3,200 words

type: angst with hurt/comfort, oneshot, post-game AU

a/n: this is a completely indulgent kirumi angst I had cooking up, basically this is set after post-game where everything was a simulation and the damage done to the 'characters' is done to them irl title is a reference to this song which I personally think suits Kirumi well but who knows lmfao

⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡

it was all like a horrible nightmare, a nightmare you weren’t even sure you could ever wake from. all the death, the pain and the misery would never be something you could shake from. every single trial, each passing moment your life was on the line… yet each time someone dies, you just wished you took their place. you survived, at what cost? only to be told that your talent and memories were nothing more than a fabrication to appease an audience? you never really found out if those interview videos were real or not…  you saw yourself, clear as day; “if I were in Danganronpa…I would love to be an Ultimate !3$5&*+...I would kill in a way no one has ever seen!”

did you really say that? was that even you, looking up at the camera with wide, child-like eyes declaring you’d… kill? In some ways, you wished you were the first to go out… so you didn’t have to witness the death of your own lover.

kirumi tojo… the “Ultimate Maid” or so they wanted them to all believe. you instantly connected with her; her calm, composed and almost motherly demeanour sucked you in like a moth to a flame. even from the beginning it seemed like she felt it too, she treated you differently than the others. she kept her ‘devoted’ maid self but she checked on you more often, she always asked if you needed anything unprompted, and poured you more tea when you were finished with a cup. you spent many moments alone with her, she enjoyed your company and laughed at your stupid jokes. the first time you kissed her; it was in the spur of the moment, you weren’t thinking. she was just so beautiful, up close to you and asking you in a soft whisper if you wanted sugar with your tea. yet when your lips connected to hers, she was shocked of course but she didn’t pull herself away from you.

what things you would do just to go back to those days, where the worries of murder and despair weren’t constantly plaguing your mind. nights upon nights you sat in your room, staring up at the ceiling asking yourself why kirumi went to the extremes that she did. It was sickeningly twisted what the motive that was created for her was, the prime minister of japan… it sounded silly now you thought of it outloud, if you knew about the truth behind it all you would definitely have thought that it was some poorly written story by a teenage girl. However, you couldn’t even fathom that thought as you were screaming and crying at kirumi that she was a traitor and betrayed your trust. you regretted those words deeply… as those were the last words you ever said to her before she was executed. you barely watched it and the little moments you did watch were enough to make you heave up. the last memory you thought of kirumi was her lifeless body on the floor, splattered and unrecognisable.

…

you looked up. your eyes just met with pure sterile white walls. after the events of the killing game, the simulation… waking up with wires around your body, you never loved the colour white so much. you were currently sat in the recovery centre, where the various victims and… culprits were recovering from their in-game injuries. it made your skin crawl to think that the simulated deaths acted as if they existed in real life too; it broke your heart to think how everyone else was handling it. However, your mind was entirely focused on one person and one person alone.

how long have you been standing here? staring at the door that led to kirumi’s recovery room? an hour? more than that? it’s not the idea that you didn’t want to see her, you were jumping off the walls in happiness to find out that your partner was alive but not unscathed. you were afraid - afraid of what was on the other side of that door, what condition kirumi would be in. would she be happy to see you?

you swallowed a thick lump in your throat, a shaky hand grasping the doorknob and you already felt the bead of sweat going down your forehead. you knew that you couldn’t just back away from this. bad outcome or not, you were going to see her, you just wanted to see her again.

with a gentle click the door opened and you peered in. there she was, dressed in a patient gown and sat in a wheelchair by the window, her eyes vacant yet staring at the courtyard of the facility. your heart skipped a beat as you held your breath, seeing her alive like this… you had to hold yourself to make sure that you weren’t dreaming and the nightmare would come back all over again.

“kirumi…” you called for her and your voice reverberated off the walls despite the fact you spoke in a whisper. her eyes widened, turning herself as fast as her condition would allow her to. you just wanted to run over to her, hug her tight and swing her around in utter joy. however, stepping closer you really started to see how serious her condition may be. minus the fact she was in a wheelchair it looked like her entire body was wrapped in bandages, at least, based on what you could see outside of the gown. her warm green eyes stared at you like if you were a ghost, hell… to her, you probably were as much as a ghost she is to you she didn’t say anything which worried you, you slowly sat down on a chair that was near the window as well. you looked out the window awkwardly, trying to think on what to even say. you looked back at her to find she was still looking at you.

“uhm… how are you feeling?” that was the only words you could even think of to say, there were a thousand questions running through your mind but you wouldn’t want to overwhelm her. she took a deep breath, it sounded uneven like if she had trouble getting air. finally, she spoke. “I feel pain all over. my head… it hurts.” hearing her voice was a relief even though it had a shake to it. “yeah… I can imagine it does hurt…” your mind flashes to her execution; from the small parts you saw through the cracks in your fingers, she fell head first. the thought made you cringed. “you… understand what’s going on, right?” you asked her. you were told that the others had been given information when they woke up… which was two days ago if you weren’t mistaken.

she gently nods her head in a twitchy sort of motion. come to think of it, her head seemed to wobble slightly even when sitting still. jesus. “all of… that… was fake? a simulation..? our… memories were toyed with…” you saw her bandage-wrapped hands clench which caused you to grit your teeth. you hated this so much.

“y…yeah… we were… fictional characters created for some.. dumb show or… whatever…” you didn’t tell her that there was the possibility that you all signed up for it. you weren’t sure what was true or not. “we are real now, of course… I’m… here.” you reached a hand to gently place it over hers, she flinched and you looked at her with apologetic eyes. “my purpose… was… just an illusion then…” she muttered with her brows wrinkling. “I… I thought I did what was right… for… my people. those people didn’t even exist…”

you grimaced. she meant her ‘fake’ past, right? the people of Japan was what made her murder another, her selfless devotion. “am I a monster?” those very words made your eyes widened and you shook your head vigorously. “no… no, of course not...  if I was in your shoes I would’ve done the same thing.” you said rather seriously and she looked at you, searching for a lie of some kind. she sighed softly. “you do not seem the type to do such a thing at all… you don’t have to try and make me feel better about myself. I see the person I am now.” “but you’re not a monster, kirumi… and I’m not just saying it to make you feel better. you’re not the only one to have motives to kill… the ones after were… much worse than yours…”

you saw the way her eyes darted around in shock, realising that the killings had continued after her death. she looked away and covered her mouth with her hand. she looked like she was going to be sick. “however, I had… betrayed you..”

hearing your own words echo from her lips made a deep guilt sink into your stomach. to think that was the last thing you ever said to her before she met her demise… because you were so damn angry, angry at her and… angry at yourself, angry at the sick twisted minds that constructed  the killing game. 

“I’m sorry.” was all you could say. kirumi looked at you completely shocked. why were you apologising…? she was the one that had killed, betrayed you and threw away everything you created together. despite her feelings, she relaxed into her wheelchair and breathed out, like if she had been holding her breath for some time. “I… I am sorry too…” 

god you wanted to cry right then and there as she said that. she was not innocent at all but something within you just wanted to hold her in your arms and never let go, you never want to lose her ever again. “are you… considering to go through the treatment…?” you asked, hoping to change the topic a bit even if it was still morbid. she nods her head gently. “yes… they said I should partake in small exercises like catching a ball… and… relearning how to walk.” 

you bit your bottom lip at that news. it could be much worse… at least it sounded like she had a chance to get a normal life at some point. “but… until then I will need assistance in basic needs…” she said with disappointment in her voice. it made you ache… simulation or not you know she feels useless right now. “I’ll be there to help you.” you were quite blunt in your words - but you meant it. you would be there for kirumi every step of the way, everything she needed you will provide. she looked at you shocked as she thought you hated her for the acts she did… she nods her head, however. “...thank you, dear.”

…

it had been a full month ever since you reunited with kirumi again, you supported her and helped her through the process of readjusting to this life, like you were. you were there for her exercises and treatment, watching her try to walk again was a heartbreaking but determination increasing experience. she wouldn’t be able to take full steps without assistance for awhile, however for right now she could at least stand from her chair and move to another quickly. it was only just at the start of this month that kirumi was out of the recovery centre and now sharing a ground-floor apartment with you. it certainly made things feel more ‘normal’ and no doubt a lot more comfortable for kirumi as she didn’t need to stare at blinding white walls anymore. you admittedly did everything for your girlfriend as it just became second nature to you at this point; you could see how desperately she wanted to clean or even wipe down a surface to feel like she was doing something. she knows that she was never supposed to be the ‘Ultimate Maid’ yet the yearning to do something, anything was still there. 

as for right now, you were cleaning the bathroom and kirumi sat at the dining table with a book. reading was now one of her popular pastimes, she greatly appreciated that you bought her so many books to read… books that she enjoyed quite a lot. hearing you scrub the tiles in the bathroom made for some interesting background noise, although she found your presence anywhere in the apartment to be relaxing. she would’ve indulged it some more if she didn’t just gain the most head-splitting headache possible that nearly made her drop her book as she gripped her head. no matter what, it didn’t seem like these headaches were ever going to go away. she sighed softly, putting her book on the table as she wheels over to the kitchen counter and opens the medicine cabinet which she could reach for obvious reasons. she grabbed her painkillers and quickly downed them with a swig of water. she closed the cabinet and was about to go back to her book until her eyes spied the set of kitchen knives.

her jaw clenched, looking down at the floor. she just wanted to be like… like herself again, like in the killing game. she was useful in it. everyone needed her, wanted her. she could service everyone and be the perfect girl she wanted to be. she leaned up slightly and grabbed the biggest kitchen knife, wheeling to the fridge and grabbing out a tomato. she just wanted to prove herself… that she could do something. she went back to the dining table, swallowing a lump in her throat as she stared at the red fruit, knife in hand as she positioned it just like how she remembers.

slowly, she attempted to cut slices of tomato as if she was preparing a salad of some kind. the cuts were irregular in size and certainly not perfect at all. kirumi clenched her jaw, trying to focus harder, she had to.try harder. no matter how hard she gripped the knife her hand would shake, becoming increasingly the more frustrating that she couldn’t cut a fucking perfect slice-

she flinched as the knife’s blade grazed her finger, nicking it and making it bleed. she dropped the knife quickly, looking down at her finger as the blood oozed out. she sucked in a loud gasp which you heard clearly. “kirumi? you okay?-” you walked into the dining room and your jaw went slack. “kirumi!” you rushed to her side, looking down at the little injury on her hand then at face. she looked absolutely shellshocked. “what were you doing…?” you asked, eyes darting around at the scene. “I… I just wanted to… show I’m useful…” her voice was no more than a whisper as she brought her finger to her mouth to suck on the cut with her brows furrowed. you frowned, putting your hand on her back and rubbing it slowly. “you don’t have to prove anything, rumi… you’re still recovering and adjusting… please don’t force yourself to do things like this, it needs to be taken slowly…” you massaged the back of her neck with your thumb, feeling her relaxed in your touch she wobbled her head in a nod. It seems she understood you. you hated treating her like she was a vulnerable child… but at this stage that was what she was at the moment. 

“I’ve finished cleaning the bathroom… would you like a shower?” you gently asked her. she didn’t like taking showers or even baths, something about the water made her want to shake all over. she especially disliked getting water on her hands although she couldn’t really tell you why just yet.

she stiffens for a moment, thinking about it for far longer than she needed to. however, she nodded her head and moved herself into the bathroom as you watched with a worried face. you were seriously getting concerned for her… it was like every day was complete pain for her, although that wasn’t far from the truth at all… what you would do just to feel her pain instead.

following kirumi into the bathroom, you closed the door and flashed a friendly smile at your girlfriend. “arms up, please!” she lifted her arms at your request, they were twitching a little but it was fine. you carefully but briskly took off her top, following up with her skirt and then undergarments. “can you get into the seat yourself?” you asked her, gesturing to the little bench inside the shower. she pondered for a few moments but ultimately nodded her head and began to lift herself out of her chair. you looked at her in awe, seeing her gain her strength each day always warmed your heart. you clapped your hands and smiled. “amazing! you’re doing so well, dear... I think you’ll be able to take steps soon!” you giggled softly to keep the air light, rolling up your sleeves as you grab the showerhead and turning it on. “Hmm… you think so? thank you, dear…” kirumi smiled softly. even when she felt useless, or feeling low, you always knew how to make her feel supported. she promised to herself that she would be able to walk properly one day for you, so you could walk along the beach together or even be able to walk into your arms like you used to. you hummed gently as you brought the shower head directly over her, the warm water falling over her severely scarred body. her entire body flinched and she felt like she was getting attacked at the moment. when your fingers combed through her sandy-sage locks to run the water through properly she started to relax into your touch. she was so glad that you were here for her, that you were looking after her and giving everything she needed, even if it embarrassed her or made her feel… incomplete. despite everything she’s done, the pain and misery she felt in her heart knowing that what she worked for wasn’t real - she could forget all of that when you were here for her.

you put the shower to the side and squirted kirumi’s favourite shampoo onto your hands. it was lavender scented and it often helped her fall asleep with the smell of her own hair. you massaged it into her scalp and you could see the moment her entire body relaxed and that she was completely at your mercy. it made you smile so much to see her content and not worrying about everything… you pushed her bang out of the way of her eye and slicked her hair back. her eyes opened to look at yours and the slightest tint of red went over her face. you giggled softly at this, leaning down to press a soft kiss against her forehead. “beautiful…” you whispered to her which caused her to blush more. she? beautiful? how can you say that to her face, when you were right there being perfect? “I love you.” she said it so suddenly that it caught herself off guard however she didn’t back down and stared confidently at you. you smiled, heart melting at such a cute confession. tilting your head to the side, you uttered back. “I love you too…”

perhaps, things will be better.

⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡⟡♡

-Mod Kirumi

[malicedafirenze]

Unfiltered thoughts about Court of Wanderers by Rin Chupeco

Untagged spoilers below the cut, click at your own risk

For a proper review that makes a bit more sense, see here. This is just my unedited notes I took while reading

Love that Remy and Zidan are back to being bitchy

Lol only one bed but on purpose 

Did Eugenie just fuckin decapitate a guy with her long nails are you fucking kidding me 😂

Ugh Valenbonne showing up in person. Idk if I dislike it bc he’s a hateable bastard or because it lacks believability…

The overgrown castle and night empress cocoon give big video game boss lair energy 

She‘s described with „dark skin, the same shade as Remy‘s“

Oh I‘m glad Remy is finally giving his father a bit of honest ranting about his abusive bs 👀

Lil bit cringe that the kids at the Fata Morgana would ask if Remy, Zidan and Xiaodan are lovers, and take an interest in how Zidan slakes his thirst

Remy telling the kids stories feels a bit indulgent 

Malekh offering to let Remy take control 😍

Again, very self indulgent, could do with more subtlety but well

Good to know that she pegs him sometimes I suppose 😄

They‘re just so transparently horny the whole time. Like I‘m here for it but it gets cheap so quickly if there‘s extended focus on that

Ooov the villain was Aluria‘s colonialism? 👀 (remy‘s mother, re. her motivations, in his dreams)

Vampire pigeon 😂

Them arguing while fucking is funny but also a bit goofy 🙈🙈

I‘m on board with some bdsm familiar shit on display, but the presentation of it somewhere between kink and obligation is a bit off

Lady Rotteburg‘s apologies for her treatment of Remy ring a little hollow/indulgent too

I find it odd that Remy still meets with and gives info to his father‘s messenger?

Ooh okay that was in discussion with Malekh

I find it a bit toothless that xiaodan (and malekh) are so utterly supportive of remy‘s choice re. humanity/vampirism. They seem a big too perfect and potentially boring to me at the moment?

Ok good Zidan is weirdly controlling re. Remy‘s dreams shortly after

I‘m 12 Chapters in and a bit dismayed that I‘m finding it alright so far :')

Missing any acknowledgment of pressure/equalizing when Zidan drags Remy underwater 😑

Malekh‘s past with the night king 🤝 Raihn from TSatWoN

That the whole gathering of court leaders would pause to speculate on what remy has with zidan and xiaodan feels kinda cheap

I‘m here for the exhibitionism but I find it odd in its presentation. Like, ok their whole thing is submission, but it‘s still a weird af combo of a council meeting and an orgy

Like ffs her mother is watching 🙈

I just don’t love how much of the actual dialogue is so self indulgently about „oooh so a reaper is in bed with the third and fourth court leaders“. Like sure make that part of the conversation but it‘s so cheap if that‘s all there is to it

Some of the exposition is presented in sort of plump dialogue 

I‘m bothered that apparently Remy still doesn’t know precisely what being a familiar entails

Elke recapping the development between Allegra and herself feels v much like it could have been much better woven into the story :‘)

So much interpersonal stuff is just really plump. „Hi remy sorry for my lord attacking you I seriously want to be friends. Ok sure I‘ll then immediately answer your deeply personal question that perfectly mirrors your own internal struggle re. getting turned“

Ok them fucking on Ishkibal‘s throne to help Malekh make new memories of it is fun and hot

Gah why does everyone else need to keep talking about it afterwards though, including with Valenbonne 🙉

Still feel like everyone‘s being entirely too generous and forgiving towards valenbonne

I don’t mind the focus being political, but I feel like there’s too much tell vs show

Remy being hurt by Thaïs being one of the traitors rings a lil hollow, calling her a friend when they‘ve only interacted a handful of times and one of those was her being pushy af

And Xiaodan figuring out all the details of the priestess‘ plan is also a bit much? idk

Them both being in a frenzy and remy getting malekh back by insulting him is cute

The whole thing where it uses the nth court leader instead of names is so grating 

I‘m not a fan of how valenbonne is still their ally tbh

Increasingly bothered by everything that makes him appear sympathetic again

He apologizes but he‘s not really rueful about any of the horrible shit he‘s pushed remy to do??? 

This Jost twist is also kinda coming out of nowhere??

Not sure I got completely why and how Ishkibal is using the Night Empress‘ body

I do not like Valenbonne being all badass, using breaker to protect Remy etc, who is this for 😭

Valenbonne‘s „I should have died the day I realized you were still out fighting in those caves“ rings so fucking hollow what 😭😭

“I think the only legacy he wanted to leave behind was you” 

How tf is any of this earned

[funkymbtifiction]

Hey Charity! Firstly, I appreciate the hell outta you! I'm from a family of 8s and without your fined tooth comb, I would have never got to the bottom of why we always ended up at each others throats throughout my childhood. (*ahem* instinct stacking) 😆 Among other mbti / enneagram based epiphanies.

Anyways.. I wanted to ask you what your longterm takeaway on the goblins of discords reading of you is. Put it this way... if there's anything out there I trust as much as the gut instinct of the 8... it's the healthy skepticism of 6. And I get it.. they have a charming way of disarming the whole 'First things first, I disagree' mentality that you might normally bring to the table... but. In my opinion, you have more experience and ways of applying the information that goes into deducing type... hard to aim it at the 'self' though... which i get too.

Do you think their tri-type reading of you takes precedence over your own or do you revert back to your appraisal?

Or.. does the process whole process to submitting to their point of view sort of leave you ambivalent to typing as a whole since... ultimately everyone is 'entitled' to their opinion. I know theres sort of politics involved when it comes to opinions about enneagram websites and content providers but... I figure it makes a decent last question.

ps hugs and kisses, thanks so much for your dedication to this altruistic endeavor.

I started to answer this several times, and even talked to myself about it in the car on the way someplace today, but naturally I remember none of my earlier attempts, so I’ll just think/answer it as I go.

It’s been almost five months since I got my results back, and in that time, I have reconsidered, questioned, and also introspected, challenging their typing by coming at it from my inner lens. I keep looking for ways out of it, but all roads lead back to the exact same conclusion. Which is to say, I think they “nailed me.” I tried to indulge a 2 fix again for a while, but that always falls flat when I examine my motives and what I want from other people (what I want them to see, what I want them to remember about me). I am casually nice and helpful, but have no ego strategy tied to it. It’s not what makes me neurotic, 3 is what makes me neurotic. Being admired, seen as successful, being afraid of failure, shape-shifting (as much as Fi will allow, which isn’t much), being aware of how things will “look.” I am definitely the workaholic tritype – the instant I finish a massive project, I don’t exist until I start another one, and I never rest – I launch right into it.

And 1 is fairly obvious, so… yeah. I may quibble on the wings (I could see an argument for either 1w2 or 1w9 as a fix), and I’m not sure that 1 comes before 3 (I feel a lot of tension between 6 and 3), but overall I think they did a good job based on what I gave them – and when I sent them that video, after watching/editing it (to remove all the awkward pauses and paper shuffling… a very 3 fixed thing to do, managing the presentation), I thought, “They will type me as 3 fixed.” All the confusion in my own mind cleared the minute I saw myself on video. I’m not into visual typing, but that forced me out of my head and made me assess myself as an independent individual – I know enough about type dynamics to get a read on myself, if I watch myself answer questions and truly listen to what I said. I typed me based off that video as I would have typed anyone else, had it come from them – 6 (buzzy head type, all in the mind, never in the body), 1 (frustration, competency, annoyance), and 3 (accomplishment, some aggression, image-managing, “I want to be the best”).

I think there’s some value in recording a video and then watching yourself, based on what you know about the types and how they play out, assuming you know the types deeply. And I think if you are genuinely unable to introspect, or lost, or have been cycling through types for a long time, an independent assessment can go a long way into helping you gain clarity – you may or may not agree with their assessment of you, but if they provide reasoning (as Goblins do), at least you understand “why” they saw that in you, and can reject or listen to it. I don’t think anyone should just accept what an “expert” tells them about their type, but instead, take some time to consider whether it “might be” true, based on the inner experience. By watching yourself for a while, to see if/how that number’s dynamics play out in your daily life. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. You start noticing it, along with when and what triggers that fix.

I’ve said before that you can’t know your MBTI type until you both know the functions well enough to understand how they work, and have observed yourself enough to see you “doing” them in “real time” (recognizing that what you are using this very second is this or that function). It’s the same with the Enneagram. Enough introspection and “watching of me” without judgment, but by looking for certain patterns, will confirm or prove that you are/are not this or that type.

IF you decide to pay someone to type you, I recommend that you only do so with someone who a) seems to have a strong and accurate knowledge of the different types (I trust Goblins, because they know what is and isn’t 4, what is and isn’t 9, and what is and isn’t 6, the three most misrepresented and mistyped types), who has a proven track record with explanations that make sense both in the context of their argument and comparatively to what that type is, and who actually interacts with you and talks to you and/or gives an in-depth explanation, rather than just giving you an answer; because you cannot determine someone’s type from a static ten minute video, you need to interact with them and get a sense of their inner motivations.

Lastly, I encourage you to share the video in other places, to see what the general consensus is, and have spent enough time in various groups noticing who does and does not seem to have a knack for typing. If the answer you receive from the majority of people is similar, there’s a good chance that that portion of your typing is accurate. (I shared several videos in several different typing groups, and it was overwhelmingly 6-1, with people divided between 2/3 heart fixes.)

I have seen people pay a lot of money to be mistyped by various teachers, and it’s obvious from observing them that they have not done the inner work necessary to notice the mistype (6s who think they are 5s but who are always soliciting outside opinions, “4s” who make a long post about how overwhelming life is and how they internalize everyone else’s feelings [9s], and even a few 9s mistyped as 3s who display extreme withdrawn tendencies, etc).

The point of the Enneagram is inner work. The point is to learn to identify your mechanisms and learn not to do them automatically (choice vs. “nature”). If you can’t or won’t do that, it’s useless. And I should add that the only people who truly find their type are willing to be whatever their true type is; there is no ego-defense or preference for one type over another. Resistance to being X heart fixed, or Y gut fixed, or Z head fixed only impedes the process and makes you unable to see yourself clearly. When all you want is the RIGHT answer, even if you hate it, you're ready to accept the truth.

[isekyaaa]

Things I've learned from Kaveh's hangout (spoilers):

Kaveh can do complex math in his head

He has very nice handwriting and will annotate a book better than the book itself

He is well aware of the fact that he used to, and still may, be idealistic due to his sense of guilt

When it comes to disagreements regarding decisions, he's the kind of person that'll bitch to your face and call you unreasonable, then would turn around and meet you the next day with ideas on how to make your ideas work

He is not completely blinded by idealism, nor by practicality either. He understands the importance of objective things as well as subjective

He understands the motives of different people and is willing to try and convince them on their terms

He's very easy to please

Tighnari has a good sense of smell

Tighnari is not the type of person that resorts to affection and soft care when he notices you're down. He'll say you look like shit, ask you outright if you feel like shit, and then will invite you over to hang out. He'll also scold your friend if he notices they did not take proper care of you when you're in your depressed state lol

Tighnari apparently knows about birds too, not just mushrooms

Cyno's dad likes telling lame jokes too

Alhaitham knows who Collei is and was willing to help come help Tighnari come up with a very reasonable curriculum for her

He also will straight up cross out conjecture an author wrote in their published books if he thinks it's stupid

The Akademiya allows students to write in the books located in the House of Daena

Now some extra thoughts.

While I am not an artist myself, I do understand Kaveh's work process of bitching at unreasonable demands and then doing his best to make them work. While one can say this is because of his ideals and that he views the demands of others as more important than his own (to which Alhaitham mentions at one part), I personally don't think that is completely the case.

I think when you love your job, you're always wanting to improve. You want to see if you can make the impossible possible, even when it causes you a lot of stress. There's nothing more liberating than struggling for hours and days on something and then finally finishing it to meet all or most of your expectations. There is joy in challenges and in a satisfied customer. They do touch on this a bit in the hangout that while Kaveh's job does cause him a lot of stress, he wouldn't be stressed if he didn't love it.

Overall, when Kaveh is viewed in the light of Alhaitham, he becomes a dramatic pathetic broke nag that lives in Alhaitham's house. He becomes the babygirl that everyone wants to dote on, the subject of many hurt/comfort stories of a depressed man. Kinda similar to how Diluc is viewed in light of Kaeya. Emotional issues galore.

This hangout shows that Kaveh, though temperamental, is actually quite reasonable. While he does tend to question whether he's being punk'd a lot, he's not in denial regarding his weaknesses or motives. He's aware of his faults. While he seems like the type that gets fixated on little things, turns out he's actually fixated on the bigger picture. He sees how different factors play together to create a unified meaningful whole.

If you ask my personal opinion of where he is now, he's the kind of person that is in a good place, but easily drops down into negative habits when faced with trouble. This isn't due to some personal weakness or insecurity, but mostly just an aspect of his personality. The reason why I say he's in a good place despite falling many times is that he is self-aware of his unhealthy habits and has introspected deeply about them.

I can't really say that Kaveh is any type of extreme. He loses sight of things. He loses sight of himself. He will indulge in unhealthy habits when he's in his moods. But to me, it doesn't seem like he indulges in these negative moods to his detriment. While he may self-sabotage from time to time, he does not show an addiction to that negative state.

If anything, he is just the kind of person that needs someone to help recenter him when he gets into those moods, similar to how the traveler did in his hangout. And once he recenters himself and is able to think clearly again, he starts to move forward once more.

[saintmurd0ck]

ok so whether or not you read this -- it's absolutely fine; your girl is very, very deep in her feels and i want to get this out. i promise it's worth your while, if you choose to do so.

firstly i want to thank my lord and saviour matthew manwhore michael murdock for bringing me to new york city. this trip has actually been my dream trip for a while (totally not because of him!) and the fact that i'm here is just... incredible.

back in february, about a month before i joined tumblr, i wrote my very first matt fic. it's written in first person (and you can read it here if you want to but be warned it's kinda shit HAHA) but it is so self-indulgent. i wrote it for me. to me. i loved this man so much that i had to write this. at the time, i had of course never been to nyc before, so truth be told i had no idea what i was describing or writing; it was so hard to do this without having been to the place you're writing about.

now, onto the part making me particularly emotional:

i did a lot of research and sprinkled that into my fic, and after research involving where matt would live and where josie's and n&m would be located i came to the conclusion he would live on west 44th street in hell's kitchen. what i failed to realise was that streets and avenues here are very very long, hence why new yorkers tend to describe locations via corners (eg corner of 54th and 9th etc). so, yesterday, when i set out to find west 44th st, i ended up in times square, and took a photo of the sign. i was emotional because i could see my 'rhi-verse' coming to life, but this was smack bang in the middle of broadway, not a residential area, and definitely not where matt would live. so, cue a little disappointment, but never mind, i'm in the city of dreams, why should i let that get me down?

flash to this morning, and i decided to go somewhere for breakfast that i wasn't originally planning to, it was in the opposite direction of where i wanted to go after, etc -- basically, just somewhere new i wasn't expecting to be. lo and behold, i look up at the street sign across the road when i arrive - west 44th st. and i look beyond that.

it is the most perfect residential area, with beautiful brick and stone buildings, fire escapes, little restaurants and shops, a bar, everything. orange and red hued trees line the street. it was as if something had just... clicked into place. this was the west 44th street i was thinking about. and then something else dawned on me -- when i did my research for this fic, i designated the river-side of this street to be where matt's apartment would be located. and guess what? this was the river-side part of this particular street. (also i know the whole thing about the billboard -- let's just pretend it's there. :))

basically, fate manoeuvred me here and no one can convince me otherwise.

and another shocker? the street has a fucking CHURCH on it!!!!!

i spent a lot of time walking up and down it today, thinking and smiling and feeling so content. i'm so thankful that loving matt brought me to the other side of the world, and helped me to discover a city i'd move to in a heartbeat.

yes, this entire trip is a fan service to me, and i couldn't care less what anyone thinks of my motivation to come here.

i understand now why he so fiercely protects this place -- there is a love for this city and this specific section of it that runs so deeply in my blood too, perhaps not one that would necessarily cause me to dress up in skintight black clothing and scale rooftops (although, let's be real, if matt were here, i'd be doing that); i'm just happy to have found a second home.

so, if you're ever in hell's kitchen, come to 44th and 11th.

photos under the cut 💗

[sugxrslushy]

@tsunderedoctor asked: I hope this is an okay ask, but may I request Law with a demisexual reader? They love him for his personality and just find him adorable, much to his annoyance (this is totally not self indulgent or anything ❤️) thank you!!

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ a/n: tumblr is an ass and deleted your ask but I had it saved!! but you're my first ask for the event, I hope I did it justice I tried my best! thank you for sending one I've been so excited for this <33 I hope you enjoy

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ details: SFW//Law x demisexual gn!reader//w.c: 0.4k

It had never crossed Law’s mind to have someone fall for his personality like you had. He’d had his fair share of encounters with people who had interest in him, but it was more so the thrill of being with such a notorious pirate that draws then in like moths to a flame

Law always saw himself as relatively unlikable, it was his fault after all. Tread carefully to keep up a mean facade will prevent people from getting close, with such a dangerous lifestyle means he knows that falling in love or leading others one will only result in pain

As much as he hated it there was some curiosity deep inside him when you came along and seemed absolutely infatuated with him, there were no ulterior motives hidden under your soft smile when you’d ask him to tell you more about himself

You just wanted to be around him, feeling safe and happy in his presence and he could barely understand it. He never regarded himself as someone that deserved all the sweet attention you gave him. He sometimes even feels guilty receiving your love sometimes

But you fell so deeply in love for the things that he hadn’t spared a second thought. When he’d patch you up and softly reprimand you for being so foolish yet how gently he treated your injuries completely disregarded his annoyance. Or the way his eyes would soften when you’d lace your fingers with his to drag him along to see something new

You just loved everything about him, everything he thought that drove people off about his personality you loved him for. He was like a present and you were carefully peeling away at the wrapping paper to discover the amazing thing below it. It was odd but it made him feel warm inside

Law tends to ask you why you love him and you always reply with the same answer. “Because you’re kind to me” but he doesn’t see it at first. But as he pays attention to all the little things that make you smile and laugh he realizes that you do love him for how he is

Having someone like you so genuinely in love with him changed him a lot, of course he still sticks to his usual personality but he finds it a bit less scary to be himself around you because he knows that's what you love him for

tag list: @cjm-cookiethief @acesmarigold @doublebird @lyriczhou @portgaes @lawscorazon @mr-bombastic

[watchtowerindistress]

we all have our secrets (5/5) - shangqi x asian!reader

Summary: The aftermath. Xialing and Y/N should stay six feet apart.

Word count: 3.7k

Warnings: demon blood, mention of sex, fluff, mention of sterility, angst, language, mention of violence

Relationship: Xu Shangqi x asian!reader

Author’s note: Because Shangqi decided to be a reasonable person, I had to cut this story one chapter short, since Y/N and Shangqi were supposed to be more on the outs. Forgive me for being a depressed and empty writer who is lacking the motivation to write fight scenes and stuff like that. Keep a look-out for the epilogue, it reveals some tidbits for a future project.

Reblogs and/or comments are appreciated.

Series Masterlist | Masterlist | Bring me a cuppa

It was hard to believe that Y/N was able to fend for herself against an army of magical soul suckers. The whole fight felt like a whirlwind in her mind once the flying demon eaters breached through the gate.

At least, Xialing was fighting at her side with her rope dart while Y/N twirled her staff to eliminate as many foes as possible. If the world was ending, she couldn’t wish for a more formidable soldier next to her.

Once the cloud settled from Shangqi's ultimate power move, Y/N breathed shakily. Gory bits of demon flesh rained from the sky before there was only silence.

With her mouth open, Y/N inhaled deeply in shock, at the wet sensation dripping down her hair and face.

Before Y/N could even think about rubbing the side of her face clean, Xialing’s voice yanked her out of her internal musings, “Wow, you’re bathing in demon.”

Y/N turned her body with strained movements while her fingers were tense, afraid of the juices – ugh, even thinking it made her shudder – dripping further. And just like that, she gazed into the unmarred face of Xu Xialing. Oh, how she envied her right now.

“How come you’re—” Y/N waved her fingers in her direction to indicate Xialing's flawless self, even after a violent battle. “—not?”

Xialing shrugged, not losing another thought. “Guess I’m just lucky. I mean, you were literally under a mass of evil soul suckers.”

Y/N stretched out her arms at her sides, trying to see the humor of this situation now that everything was over. “Well, how do I look?”

Smiling indulgently, Xialing assured her with a flirty tone, “You never looked better,” before stepping towards Y/N.

She chuckled, not quite believing her. “If you say so.”

“Come here.” Xialing beckoned her with her index and middle finger on both hands, in an almost dancing motion. Despite those words, Xialing inched closer until they were barely separated by a few inches, Xialing’s soft smile met hers before her fingertips cleaned the residual blood from her skin with a light touch. “You did marvelous out there.”

Y/N gazed into her brown eyes. “Right back at you. Especially that thing you did with your rope dart?”

“You mean when I hit several in the sky at once? It felt spectacular.”

Y/N tilted her head and gazed at her in fascination. “Speaking of the sky, what is it like to ride a dragon by the way?”

Xialing exhaled a dreamy sigh with her eyes closed. “Honestly? Like pure freedom. Almost as good as sex.” At the last word, Xialing smirked wolfishly.

Y/N chuckled and rolled her eyes at Xialing’s aggressive flirt game. “Xialing,” she admonished her with a gravelly grunt.

“Y/N!”

Y/N jumped when she heard Shangqi call out, while feeling Xialing’s fingers linger around her cheeks. Y/N turned her head to glance behind her in anticipation.

Shangqi rushed through the frenzy of the battlefield, as if he was desperately looking for something. The next thing Y/N noticed was his messy hair and a smear of blood against his cheek. Shangqi held his hands to his mouth into an echoing gesture. “Y/N!”

Y/N felt frozen to the spot when Shangqi's brown-eyed gaze stared right at her.

Xialing sighed behind her. “Ever so dramatic.”

Y/N barely registered Xialing’s words when she slowly walked towards him.

Shangqi rushed towards her to close the distance between them.

Getting ready to hug him, surprise filled Y/N at seeing his clenched jaw and the determination on his face. Not knowing what was running through his head.

Shangqi was standing a few feet away from her when, out of nowhere, he pressed his lips against hers with fervor.

Y/N gasped in shock when she felt him cover her cheeks with his hands. It's been far too long since Shangqi kissed her, so she needed some time to react before she lifted her hands until they covered his hands.

Shangqi grunted low in his throat. Inhaling her scent deeply, he pecked her lips not once - but twice - before he nestled his lips against Y/N’s neck and breathed her in. “For a few seconds, the thought hit me that I could have lost you.”

Y/N stroked the back of his head in comfort. “What a horrible way to go. Defeated by flying demons? I’m just glad you’re still alive.”

Y/N slowly lifted Shangqi's lowered head until she could finally look into his eyes again. And seeing the naked vulnerability in them.

Shangqi opened his mouth and the next words coming out of them made Y/N groan out loud, “And you look horrible.”

“God, Yelena. Can’t you just be serious for once?”

Yelena’s green eyes sparkled with mischief. “I am. You’re telling me you were in some magical pocket dimension, fighting dragon demons, utterly drenched in their guts and Shaun – sorry – Shangqi just thought to himself how you looked absolutely perfect?”

Y/N narrowed her eyes before she paused with mistrust lingering in the air. “That name really flowed from your lips, Yelena.”

Yelena pressed her lips together before her expression shifted into an unabashed smirk. “You caught that, didn’t you?” She carelessly shrugged her shoulders. “My background checks are always very thorough. Besides, it wasn’t my secret to tell. I’m not one for drama, you know me.”

While staring at Yelena without blinking, Y/N reached for the straw in her drink sitting on the table between them, as she drank slowly with all the time in the world.

Finally, Yelena yielded when she rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine. Believe it or not, I didn’t want to spoil the budding romance between you two.” She internally groaned at the lovey-dovey word. “Young love, whatever you want to call it. Why didn’t you do a background check on him before?”

Y/N raised her eyebrows. “Sounds romantic.”

“I mean, he could’ve been a HYDRA defector, or something.”

Y/N resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the thought. “Don’t ruin my appetite.”

Yelena took a bite out of her omelet. “So, you just … left?” she inquired before snapping her fingers. “Just like that? No goodbye, no nothing? That’s cold, Y/L/N, even for me.”

A sigh left Y/N at the mention as she leaned back in her seat. “It felt wrong to stay. Everyone was saying their farewell to the people they lost. I felt like an imposter, like I didn’t belong there.”

“I understand.” Yelena nodded and gazed at her thoughtfully. “How was it like? Ta Lo, I mean? Being at such a fantastical place. It sounds almost too good to be true.”

Y/N smiled fondly, remembering all the otherworldly creatures. “Like a world filled with Pokémon.”

Yelena groaned with envy. “Next time, don’t tell me to run. You’re not mad at me that I just left, right?”

Y/N waved her hand. “No hard feelings. Besides, I wanted you to.”

“I kept calling your phone,” Yelena half-explained and half-scolded as a reminder.

“I know,” Y/N assured her, remembering the list of missed calls once she finally crossed that portal back into the real world.

“In that pocket dimension, cell service didn’t seem to be a possibility.” She tilted her head in curiosity once she saw the pondering expression on Yelena’s face. “What’s on your mind?”

“That it sounds too fantastical to be true. Like this is some elaborate story as an excuse why you didn’t pick up your phone.”

~ Yelena POV ~

“Speaking of picking up your phone,” Yelena added, “I need to call someone. I’ll be right back. You should try the Screwdriver. I hear it’s spectacular at this place.” She pointed towards the aforementioned glass.

“If you say so. Hurry before I drink you dry.”

Yelena chuckled dryly. “I know I said it, but I might have to kill you, if there’s barely any left for me.”

Both joined in empty laughter which bordered on malicious.

With a smirk on her face, Y/N whispered, “Hurry then.” She gulped down half a glass without flinching.

Turning around, Yelena wiped the smirk from her lips, knowing how much Y/N wouldn't back down from a challenge - they both were the same in that regard - and counted on it. She walked in heeled boots towards the street corner which would overlook Y/N in the mirrored window. Yelena's time frame was very limited if she had to guess. She pressed the digits to call a certain someone before she held the device to her ear. “I hear you’re looking for someone.”

“Wh – Who’s this?”

“A concerned friend.”

“You mean a concerned friend who’s trying to sound ominous? Then yes, you certainly got that covered. Stop trying to sound like a blackmailer and tell me what you want.”

Yelena sighed deeply. This was proving to be harder than she initially thought. Eyeing Y/N in the reflection who scarfed down Yelena’s half-eaten omelet, her body almost attacked out of reflex before she thought better of it.

Time was of the essence.

“I hear you’re my sestra’s boyfriend – or lover – whatever you want to call yourself.”

“Don’t—” A sigh left Shangqi. “She never mentioned a sister.”

“Just like you never mentioned your past life? It’s not on me to judge.”

Silence lingered on the other end. “You’re a Black Widow, aren’t you?”

“Oh my, you’re smarter than I gave you credit for.”

Shangqi fell silent. “Uh, that didn’t sound like a compliment.”

Yelena ignored what he said. “You’re in luck because I’m in a giving mood, not to mention I want the best for my sestra. Are you intending to make an honest woman out of Y/N?”

“Uh…”

Yelena snorted with laughter. “I’m kidding. I don’t expect a proposal. I’ll text you a location. You’d better show up in the next five minutes, or you’ll get a very drunk Y/N.”

“What?”

“Bye.” Yelena turned around and glanced at Y/N from under her eyelashes while she sent Shangqi a text with the address to meet.

~Y/N POV~

Yelena stepped back to their outdoor table. “I’m back.” With a smile, she glanced at her plate. “Oh, naughty.” Yelena leaned forward and haphazardly cut into her omelet with a fork, trying the egg herself.

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows. “What is with you?”

Yelena chewed slowly. “What do you mean?”

“All of this. Why are you being … nice? I mean, you’re letting me share your food.”

“All of this. Why are you being … nice? I mean, you’re letting me share your food.”

“We ordered almost a whole buffet.” Yelena widened her arms.

Blinking slowly, Y/N paused in thought before she lost the alcoholic buzz all of a sudden.

“You don’t share food. Ever,” she spoke monotonously.

Yelena supported her chin on her chin as she leaned forward in fascination. “Careful, your paranoia is showing.”

Y/N narrowed her eyes. And with that, the Black Widow’s deflection tactics confirmed her suspicions. Y/N debated with herself what the catch was – there was no sniper on the roof. Perhaps the food was poisoned – it certainly seemed like a Widow’s style, although Yelena was more direct. She was more known for the straightforward knife at the front. Maybe she was trying to sell her out to some intelligence agency.

That had to be it. Keeping her breathing in check as not to arouse suspicion, Y/N realized that both hadn’t talked – only participated in this silent staring contest before fake chuckles left her.

Yelena didn't waste time in joining in and probably knowing how awkward this situation felt.

Y/N tilted her head in silent question when Yelena glanced to the right over her shoulder.

“Okay, I’m here now.”

Y/N turned in her seat with a bewildered expression on her face as she saw an out-of-breath Shangqi appear from behind her, wearing his signature red bomber jacket.

“What?” Y/N faced Yelena again in shock.

Yelena exhaled heavily. “Thank God. I didn’t know how long I could hold her off.”

“That was your secret? I thought you wanted to trade me to some HYDRA subdivision, or something.”

Yelena rolled her eyes. “As if. We’re sisters. Bound by something greater than blood. I don’t betray my family.” Standing up, she added in a jovial tone, “Well, I’m out.”

Y/N exhaled heavily, “Thanks a lot.” She sank into her seat, knowing there was no way out of this situation now.

Yelena sent her a saucy smirk over her shoulder while holding her handbag in a clenched fist. “You’re welcome, malenʹkij pauk. [little spider] Love you.”

Y/N took measured breaths in and out through her mouth. Her trepidation-filled eyes caught Shangqi slowly taking over the vacant seat which Yelena had occupied.

Trying to find the right start into a conversation, Y/N started with the obvious. “So, you’ve met Yelena.”

Shangqi nodded. “She’s a delight,” he muttered under his breath with his head lowered. “I think she just insulted me over the phone actually.”

Before Y/N could sate her curiosity, Shangqi lifted his head again to reveal his expression turning earnest. “You just left. You promised me you would stay, and we’d talk. What happened?”

Y/N sighed loudly at the awkward reminder. “It felt like a personal moment,” she admitted almost reluctantly. “saying goodbye to your loved ones. I didn’t want to barge in on it. Besides, who have I lost in life? You’d need to have a family, loved ones to mourn someone. Someone to love and care about you.”

Shangqi’s shoulders slumped in relief and his Adam's Apple bobbed. A light smile lingered on his lips. “And here I thought you were trying to run. To escape our talk.”

Y/N smiled tiredly. “It’s not that. Just holding it off. What can I say? I’m a procrastinator.”

“What makes you say you didn’t have anyone? You were taken from your mother.”

“Well, she died.” It took her by surprise how quick those words passed her lips. “Normally, I’d say this to make other people uncomfortable, but not with you. She was a single mother, so the Red Room didn’t want to take any chances by getting rid of her.”

“The Russians took enough from you. Taking your mother away from you, your childhood.”

Y/N exhaled and bit her lower lip, not knowing whether and how to even open that Pandora’s Box from the past.

“Are there any other ske – I mean, secrets I should know about?”

Y/N chuckled dryly. “Nice save.”

Shangqi smirked. “I know. I’m very smooth,” he teased, straightening the non-existent wrinkles from his shoulder.

Y/N chose to indulge him. “You sure are.” She turned serious again. “I’m trying to leave all that behind. My life … hasn’t been on the straight and narrow. A lot of things I’m not proud of. I just want to be … a normal girl whose only issues are eating too much junk food and trying to keep a stable relationship.”

Sending Y/N a molten gaze that set her body ablaze, Shangqi whispered, “You’re far from normal.”

“What about you? Any sexual exploits or assassinations to talk about?”

“No, same with me. I just want to live my life. Maybe have my best girl at my side…” He gazed at her from under his eyelashes.

Y/N tilted her head and teased him playfully, “You mean Katy? Didn’t know you were into her. You really are into building a solid foundation before starting a relationship, huh?”

Shangqi vigorously shook his head while explaining, “You know what I mean. I just want you. Living our life together. No pretense. I mean if you’re into that.”

“Very much,” she admitted with a whisper. “But…” All the memories hit her at the mention of secrets, knowing the truth needed to be out in the open, without anything holding her back.

“I won’t be able to give you one of the things you want the most.”

Shangqi narrowed his eyes in expectation.

“A child,” she continued.

Shangqi’s features tightened due to the ominous and yet vague answer.

“The Red Room never saw us as girls or women. We were soldiers, or weapons. We were things and didn't matter. So, they tried to get rid of the possibility of something that belonged to us. A part of our identity.”

Y/N felt her throat drying out, with every heavy breath she had to take. “They didn’t need vulnerabilities. That our alliances would shift.”

Y/N’s body stilled. Warmth blossomed inside her once her gaze fell and lingered on Shangqi’s hand covering hers on the table.

“I’m sorry how much they took from you.”

“I know how much you love kids. And I know I can’t give that to you.” Deep regret was laced in her whispered voice, with every ounce of wishing for things to be different.

Her stomach clenched at the feel of his hand caressing hers. “I don’t care about that. I just want to be happy. With you.” Shangqi’s cheeks reddened once another thought hit him. “And we … have other ways, you know?”

As soon as the deeper meaning behind those words rang true, Y/N’s chuckles wrenched free. She tilted her head, supporting her chin on her clenched fist. “You’re something else, you know that? I mean, we’re already talking about children.”

“Well, I was always too fast for my own good.”

Her eyes glinted with mischief. “Is that supposed to sound sexual?”

“No, I – I swear, no−”

Despite his stuttering words, Y/N smiled fondly. “You’re cute.”

Shangqi exhaled the breath he was holding. “As I keep hearing, but it’s still nice to hear.”

“What do you have planned for today?”

“I don’t know. You want to get some Boba?”

“Always,” she assured him.

Six months later

~Yelena POV~

The blonde-haired woman shook her head. A smirk adorned her lips once she read the text message lighting up her screen.

“You dog,” Yelena spoke loudly and chuckled gruffly. Her eyes caught the message of her friend again and couldn’t help the mirthful shudders wrecking through her chest.

Second-best assassin: Shangqi is killing me. He’s this close to getting a dog, proposing to me, and adopting two children all in one day. He keeps talking about it. He’s not even being subtle about it. Help me!

Yelena snorted. Sarcasm was apparent in her answer when she replied in a text, “This is what you wanted, right? A dog, white picket fence … What did you do to the poor guy? He seems crazy about you.”

Second-best assassin: Poor him? Poor me. You’re supposed to tell me he’s insane and that I should drop his ass.

Yelena sighed wistfully, immersing herself into daydreams. “Gotta admit, he’s got a cute butt.”

Second-best assassin: Stop staring at my boyfriend’s – soon to be fiancé’s – butt.

“That’s the spirit,” Yelena sent back with a proud smirk. Her body stilled when the screen turned black and a call from a withheld number broke through. All the humor vanished from her face before her thumb hovered over the accept button. Her body erupted with heat as suspicion took hold of her.

With reluctant fingers, Yelena took the call as she spoke brusquely, “Who’s this and how did you get this number?”

The anonymous caller didn’t seem bothered by the tone in her voice and didn’t even miss a beat when she responded, “I’m calling on behalf of a mutual friend.”

Yelena furrowed her eyebrows. “I don’t have friends. There are only allies or enemies.”

The mysterious woman chuckled almost dryly. “So dramatic. I’m just the messenger. And is that any way to talk about your former handler?”

With her phone stilling at her ear, Yelena heart stopped beating before it almost burst through her chest. “How did you –?”

She licked her dry lips. This wasn’t possible. Her voice turned hoarse, betraying her true feelings when Yelena muttered under her breath, “Tatiana’s dead.”

It was true that nothing could’ve vanquished her former handler. A part of her refused to admit the alternative that something could kill the oh-so invulnerable woman, but there weren’t any other reports – even by the other Widows – to reveal her survival.

“The White Widow isn’t easy to kill. And she doesn’t go by that name anymore−”

Her right eye twitched with the budding foreplay. “Why are you calling me?”

“My employer heard you’ve been building an army.”

“I’ve been freeing Widows. I’m not doing it for self-gain,” Yelena corrected the anonymous one vehemently, feeling personally attacked by the arrogance in her robotic voice.

Yelena could basically sense the smirk on the stranger’s face. This was mere seconds before the woman chuckled low in her throat. “What a pity.”

“What do you want? Why wouldn't … the White Widow contact me herself?”

She chose her next words carefully. “My employer has other things to deal with at the moment.”

Yelena frowned in confusion at the peculiar phrasing. Way to sound mysterious. “Such as?” she questioned while tapping her foot impatiently.

“There’s a situation that would demand your immediate attention.”

“I refuse to work for anybody else. The last time I was screwed over, and I’m over that.”

“This involves the well-being of all the remaining Widows.”

This woman was starting to piss her off. Fury bubbled to the surface from the vague words. “Stop talking about them like a fucking robot. Besides, how am I supposed to believe you’re telling the truth? That you’re really working for … Tatiana?”

Silence echoed on the other end for about ten seconds. The longer it remained quiet, Yelena’s heartbeat pulsated in her chest.

“The White Widow was your main handler and she basically raised you.”

Yelena rolled her eyes. “Please, I bet that’s in one of my censored files.”

“When you were a student in the Red Room Academy, the White Widow would break your hand every time you’d fail. You think she did that to punish you for your failures, but in truth she wanted to strengthen your bones.”

Yelena opened her mouth several times before closing it again, feeling speechless at the memory resurfacing. Remembering all the times when Tatiana would break her bones in an almost clinical way, knowing exactly which spot to hit. Remembering her handler’s mask slipping and acknowledging it for one of the only moments of humanity in that godforsaken place.

Almost numb, Yelena whispered, “Where does she want me?”

“You’ll receive word soon. We want you to be ready. If you truly care about the Black Widows staying safe,” she paused with lingering silence before confessing, “And she goes by Talia now.”

​Tagging: @mellowstatesmanhandsempath @ravenmoore14 @yourwonderbelle @ponyboys-sunsets @lindseyrae20 @towerofhellll @selmasemlan @kvnmoonies @jandalulu​ @clumsy-writing-rdb @treehugger9000 @nxstalgicnxbxdy @lovvelyyj @xuxialling @unaware-dumbass-here @yelenarmnv @imsuperawkward​​ @justalittleweirdoo​ @wintergirlsoilder2 @elephants-bubbles-brachosauruses @lov3vivian @capswife @littlepencilthings​ @spectormarcc​ ​@andrewswifes-blog 

[fanfictionsquared]

I’m reworking my one MoD!Harry AU. Details below the cut.

Who did I draw in the pic?

Regulus (sharp cheekbone, curly hair that changes length)

Sirius (in the jacket with pins hehe)

Lily Luna (red hair)

Teddy (blue hair)

What is the AU now, FF^2?

*inhales deeply*

SO. Everything’s mostly canon (not cursed child compliant tho lmao), and Harry is officially Master of Death since he was the owner of all three hallows at the same time. This means, essentially, that he is now the personification/god of death.

Since Harry is Harry tho, he doesn’t want to live forever alone, and so his friends and family try to help him find a way to get out of it. There isn’t one. So he is, of course, resigned to living forever alone.

Except his friends decide “no, no thanks, we’re not letting you do this alone.” So when Harry dies and ‘ascends,’ his family and friends choose to ascend with him. He’s able to reach already dead souls using the stone, so Sirius also ends up making the choice to ascend too. The rest of the dead are content staying where they are.

(I have,,,, such a long list of who ascends and what they do and blah blah blah, but I’m not gonna get into it because it is….. so much. It’s truly just so much.)

The important thing is that the way this works is that the universe resets itself every so often, slightly different each time. And certain things carry through, like tales turning into mythos. Harry and his immortal (sometimes reincarnating) family, are the focus of several of these myths, including the harbingers of the apocalypse one.

So when his family meddles, it’s usually with those names, rather than their original ones. Which, when they interact with alternate incarnations of people they know, can cause some shenanigans.

What is actually depicted in your doodles?

Regulus,,,, listen he is my current blorbo and I just wanted to draw him, ok? The jegulus fandom got its teeth in me and now I’m thinking about Harry Potter stuff again. (Speaking of which! Fuck JKR.)

In this AU, he doesn’t ascend with everyone else, but instead ascends later during a whole thing that I will maybe actually write into a fic. Maybe.

Top left is just the first full body Regulus design I did. Dipping my toes in, you could say. Key things; he’s younger in this. Pre-ascension. He’s wearing slytherin’s locket for plot reasons.

Top middle is the Black brothers with their animagus forms behind them. And yes I made regulus’ a lion. Tbh I think he deserves it. He’s dangerous, lazy, proud, sneaky, and at the end he was really, really brave. I know lots of people make him a house cat, but like. If Sirius can have his star’s namesake as an animagus form, so can regulus.

Below that, we have Regulus saying “Potter?” While looking shocked. I won’t elaborate too much on this for plot reasons (in case I write the fic), BUT, this is the moment that he learns that Lily Luna is a Potter.

To the right of that is the brother hanging out and being cute and I love them. I just want them to reconcile and talk and be family again 😭. Also I want Sirius to have 100 little gay pins for his leather jacket. He deserves it.

Bottom left is Lily Luna and Regulus together. I this AU on particular, Regulus has a mentor/mentee and uncle adjacent relationship with her. They are cute, and I love them, and I won’t hear otherwise, sorry not sorry.

Bottom right is the only doodle I will give spoilers for. It’s post-ascension, where Regulus, Sirius, LilyLuna, and Teddy are all about to wreck some shit. The rest of the family jokingly calls them the “Grim Squad”, because all of them go out and hunt down wayward or death cheating souls. So if you see them, you’re their target, and will die. Just like the Grim thing.

Last words

This is a self indulgent au, and idk if I’ll write it, but maybe I’ll elaborate on it more here if anyone is actually interested. Either way, I’m just happy I had the motivation to draw this 😌

[oogaboogasphincter]

The 50/10 Method (Agent Whiskey x f!reader)

Summary: Jack makes the most of your 10 minute study break. 

Word Count: 2.7k+

Rating: E (explicit) 18+ ONLY! bc this is just cringey smut lmfao

Warnings: smut (oral (f receiving), unprotected p in v sex (obvi use protection irl), very easily and conveniently reached orgasms (this is a fantasy i can do what i want skjfkd), dirty talk, one (1) allusion to thigh riding and one (1) instance of 💙spitting💙, fingering, positions i hope i've given enough detail so y’all can imagine what i was picturing💀), pet names (sweetheart, honey, cowboy *affectionately*, good girl, baby), there’s a sentence about reader having long-ish hair, reader and jack have a dog, swearing, reader is afab and is called things like good girl and the like, just overall trash grammar and structure 😇

Author’s Note: so this is very poorly written and extremely self-indulgent, as i myself use the 50/10 method 🙃. but i had a lot of fun with it, and i think that’s what writing is supposed to be all about! :) also i was heavily inspired to write this after reading “Take a Break” by @mellowswriting​ and “Study Buddy” by @pascalpanic​. please go check those out because they’re absolutely fantastic!!!!! +while you’re at it, i would highly advise you to read anything on their masterlists bc they’re just 💜exquisite💜

gif by @thernandalorian​

The lines of text on your computer screen are starting to blend into each other, creating a single run-on sentence that one of your previous English teachers would ridicule the author for. The sharp curves and angles that distinguish each letter from the next are becoming soft and dull, blurring into each other until your brain can only recognize it as a smeared streak of black on white.

It’s 11:00am on a Saturday, a big exam set for the upcoming Monday’s morning. You don’t feel rushed for time, or overloaded with unknown material, and the early hours of the day have been quite productive. Following a shared breakfast of homemade waffles in bed with Jack, your boyfriend, you didn’t complain when setting up your study station on the living room’s large oak table. If anything, you had been excited to begin studying early in the hopes of finishing your review by the end of the day. That way, tomorrow would be free for you and Jack to do whatever you pleased.

However, as the hours went by, your motivation was slowly but surely diminishing. The serene study atmosphere that you usually thrive in is now driving you mad. You yearn for a noise, any noise; a bird to sing a song in the tree outside your window, the smack of your dog’s loose wrinkles against each other as he attempts to shake the sleep out of him, a pencil unable to stop itself from rolling and dropping onto the floor with a tink.

You’re momentarily gifted with the crisp sound of a page turning. You flit your eyes over to gaze upon the source of your granted wish and your heart flutters in reaction to the sight: Jack’s resting on the couch, cowboy hat balanced on the back of it, deeply absorbed in the next installment of his favorite murder-mystery series. You find it curious that his desire for an adrenaline-filled challenge doesn’t stop when he comes home from mission after mission that nearly cost him his life. You’ll ask him about his insatiability one day, but for now you categorize it as fictional research for his Statesman assignments.

Your short glance quickly turns into an entranced stare. Jack looks... divine. Fetching. Luscious. As he’s lying on his back, neck propped up against the arm of the couch, his book balanced on his chest, relaxation radiates off of him in waves and utterly seduces you. You’re surprised that he hasn’t been a greater distraction to you throughout the morning. How have you managed to ignore the denim-wearin’, plaid-shirted, pornstache-sportin’ cowboy of your dreams that is only a few steps away?

Involuntarily, the thigh muscles of your crossed legs contract in an effort to bring some semblance of friction to your now weeping core. Similar to your imaginings of your dog earlier, you shake your head to force these heavy, unwanted feelings to dissipate and turn back to the work in front of you. Of course, Jack does the opposite of what you’d like him to do and takes an interest in your fidgeting. He peeks over the top of his book, “You cold, sweetheart?” 

His question is reasonable: you’re purposely wearing a skirt that’s so short it rides up quite high when you sit. You don’t dare to meet his eyes and answer while pulling a textbook close and opening it up, “No, I’m okay.”

Fortunately he returns to his reading. Your attention is able to retain itself for about a paragraph, but then your mind takes a sharp detour back to those pesky, steamy desires. You mentally huff at your inability to remain concentrated on your studies and rifle through the options of what you can do to satiate yourself for the time being. 

You could switch texts and force your brain to recognize the change and therefore become distracted. You could pick out some colored writing utensils and bring some fun to active reading. You could say fuck it, go straddle Jack and beg him to use you in whichever way he would like.

Jack interrupts your brainstorming, “Are you sure you don’t need a blanket or sumthin’? I can go get my jacket for ya.” 

The attentiveness of your southern lover melts your heart. You turn to him, “No, really, I’m okay, thanks.”

“I wouldn’t count a bathroom break as taking away from your 50 minutes, honey, if that’s what’s makin’ you twitch.” 

You had been implementing and strictly adhering to the 50/10 method all morning: study for 50 minutes, take a break for ten. Its effectiveness was never doubted, as it has proven to work for you for years. Only ten minutes into this 50 minute period, the devil of restlessness pokes at you and makes you think could time go by any slower? A hand comes up to cover the blush creeping across your cheek as you dismiss Jack’s suggestion, “No, that’s not it.”

Behind your embarrassed hand, Jack cocks an eyebrow at you. Your simple choice of words has given the Agent a hint, that there is something that’s bothering you, he just hasn’t figured it out yet and you don’t want to admit what it is for some reason. He returns to his book, however lost in thought about what your problem could be, while you task every cell in your body to pay attention to your studies. 

35 minutes remain on the clock, and Jack guesses, “Did you have too much coffee?”

You can’t help but grin at his sleuthing, “No, I just had my regular.”

He conjures up another possible solution five minutes later, “Are you itchin’ to get out of the house? We haven’t left in two days.”

He’s getting warmer. Both of you know exactly why you haven’t left the house in two days: you’d been occupied with activities of the sinful variety. You can’t gauge yet whether or not he knows he’s dancing around the answer, “Baby, you’re distracting me. And nope, it’s not that.” 

He smiles apologetically, “Sorry,” and uses his book as a partition, blocking your ability to procrastinate and just visually drool all over him.

Silence fills the next 20 minutes. Even though Jack is out of your sight, details from your observations exaggerate themselves in your mind to the point that they’re all encompassing, intoxicating. The way his jeans wrap around his legs ever so perfectly, the worn denim hugging those muscular thighs that he loves for you to grind yourself against when you’re feeling especially desperate (like now). How his plaid flannel slopes over the swell of his belly, stretching tight against his skin as his diaphragm contracts and deflating when he exhales. Even his large feet, strewn about lazily on the couch, his toes pointing in different directions, amuse you. 

Ten minutes remain in your study session. Feeling guilty about spending the majority of the last hour envisioning the seductive intricacies of your boyfriend, you actually start to study. 

“How many times do you think I can make you cum in ten minutes?”

Your eyes are ripped from your material and land on the menace lazing on the couch. He’s put his book down, one arm behind his head while the other is crooked, allowing himself to palm his cock through his pants. Jack’s wearing a shit-eating grin, bewitching your crossed legs to switch which one is on top; an excuse to apply more pressure to the yearning area between them. You fidget in the chair, shamefully trying to get the seam of your underwear to rub against you in just the right way. You shrug, “I-I’m not sure.”

He gets up and comes over to you, standing behind you and leaning forward to rest his chin on your shoulder. He murmurs in your ear, “I think we should find out during your next break.”

You turn to face him, “I think so too.”

He gives you a quick kiss, “Well, you better be a good girl and study for these last few minutes. Earn that break.” He places his large hands on either side of your head and turns it toward your materials, making you both laugh.

Somehow, you’re able to pay attention. Jack’s impending promise of ravaging you for ten minutes straight quells your jittering nerves and gives you something specific to look forward to. Before you know it, your alarm is beeping, alerting you that your break has commenced. Jack cages you by reaching forward and grabs the clock, programs it to ten minutes and keeps it in his hand. He grips the sides of your swivel chair, pulls it back from the table and spins you around to face him, the speed of the turn making your hair swoosh across your shoulders. Through mutual giggles, Jack lifts you up, winding your legs around his waist, your arms doing the same around his neck. “I want you to count for me how many times you cum.”

Breathlessly, you simply obey, “Okay.”

He practically runs to the bedroom. He sets the clock on the nightstand and turns the face towards the mattress so you don’t lose out on studying time. Tossing you onto the bed, your giggling continues as you bounce from the force. Jack hooks his fingers in your underwear and yanks them down, pulling them out from under your skirt and over your shoes. The way he wastes no time ridding you of any other garment makes blood and heat flood your center and air rush out of your lungs. He pushes your lost air back into your mouth with a kiss and then immediately retreats back to in between your legs.

He flicks the fabric of your skirt up onto your belly, letting himself have complete, unobstructed access to his early lunch. His fingers fondle your folds while his lips place sloppy kisses along the inside of your thighs. After he’s had his fill of that step, he sits back and stares at you: spread out for him, more than willing to take anything he wants to give to you. He blows out a whistle, eyeing your core, and you say, “Hey, you’re on the clock, cowboy. No time for dramatics.”

He nods, a smirk pulling at one side of his mouth, “You’re right, sweetheart.”

He spits onto your cunt, forgoing his usual gentle licks to adequately wet your pussy. A quiet fuck escapes your mouth as he plunges his tongue into you. Your fingers wind themselves in his chocolatey locks and pull, extracting an excited moan from your lover. His fingers knead the soft flesh on the backs of your thighs as he eats and when his mustache starts to tickle your clit, you’re done for. Your grip on his hair becomes vice-like and your whole body seizes up, constricted by enrapturing pleasure. You strangle out, “One.”

Jack unlatches his mouth only once he’s certain your first orgasm is complete. He stands, admires your wrecked expression, takes his cock out, spits into his hand and pumps his dick a few times. Hands slithering around your waist, he flips you onto your stomach and pulls your ass up, positioning you on your hands and knees. You’re a little bit dizzied by his manhandling in combination with his expert tongue, but this type of vertigo is the most enjoyable you’ve ever experienced. 

When he pushes into you, it’s a bit of a stretch because he hadn’t warmed you up with his fingers. He relaxes you by leaning forward, pressing his chest against your back and peppering soft kisses to your shoulder blades. The clink of his belt comically punctuates his thrusts, but your laughs are swallowed by intoxicated groans. You don’t know, and you don’t really care to figure out, how he already has you teetering on the edge of cumming again. Heightened senses tell you that you’re close; the fabric of his shirt feels unearthly soft as it brushes against patches of exposed skin, his fingertips are delightful lead in their clamp on you, his grunts and pants angelically reverberate in your skull. And then, suddenly and all at once, “Two.”

Jack’s pride shows itself in a smirk while he flips you onto your back. He makes a show of hooking your calves over his shoulders, eliciting laughter from the both of you. Resting almost all of his weight on top of you, your knees find your chest and his hands find your hair. The intimacy of it all is almost too much; his thumbs stroke your temples, palms cradle your head, those goddamned puppy-dog eyes bore into you. You turn your head in his grasp to check your timing: five minutes left. 

Jack’s tongue darts out to lick the pads of his fingers before he snakes it down in between the two of you to rub your clit. Your moans come out uncontrollably, your eyelids stutter and he eggs you on, “That’s it, sweetheart. Give me another one.”

Hearty moans are reduced to desperate gasps and you’re unable to verbally acknowledge the third orgasm that rips through you. Nonetheless, Jack can tell from the way your eyes roll into the back of your head and his name tumbles ferociously out of your mouth that you’re cumming. “’Atta girl.”

Jack takes his cock out of you and the whine that escapes your lips embarrasses you. He can’t help but laugh at your whimpering before he scoots down the bed and starts to eat you out again, framing his head with your quaking thighs. You find the strength to check the time, “Jack, there’s only a minute and a half left.”

He moans deeply into you, unaffected by your comment, and eases three fingers into your fluttering center. Like earlier, your hands fly to his hair like a magnet and find purchase so tight it makes your knuckles go pale. In a matter of seconds, circling your clit with his sopping tongue and tapping your g-spot with his deft fingers, Jack has you cumming yet again. This time you yell out the count, “Four!”

The sounds his ministrations make are lewd and exhilarating, pushing himself to his own precipice. You look down your body to find Jack’s other hand jerking his cock and his seed spilling out of him moments later. He groans into your pussy while you pet his hair, praising him for his efforts. 

Simultaneously, you both remember that you’re being timed. Your eyes meet the clock at the same time: 30 seconds. Jack springs from the bed and pulls you up with him, grabbing your discarded panties. He squats and taps your ankles so you lift your legs up, sliding each leg hole over your body and pulling your underwear up underneath your skirt. 

You fumble with his mussed clothes, stuffing his still-hard cock into his boxers, hiking his jeans up over his ass and zip and button them closed. You snake his belt around his waist and let his fingers do the work of buckling it before he picks you up bridal style and ushers you out of the bedroom, grabbing the clock off of the nightstand on your way out. 

Unhinged cackles follow you two down the hallway as you return to the living room. He plops you down in your chair, straightens you out, gives you a kiss on the cheek and then your alarm goes off. You raise your eyebrows at him, “Jeez, you didn’t waste a second.” 

He hums, then mumbles, “You get back to work now, babygirl,” and leaves you with a yearning kiss on the part of your hair.

Both of you return to your respective readings, hopelessly trying to downgrade your panting gasps to normal breaths. The absence of Jack’s warmth is already painful. But you rationalize that the indulgence of the last ten minutes is more than enough to get you through this next hour of studying, if not for longer.

Little do you know that Jack feels the same pain. His ache for your touch, sexual or not, will overtake him later and he’ll be unable to resist the temptation of coming over and distracting you again. Determined to finish your studying, you’ll propose a compromise: you can sit in his lap while he is lulled to sleep by the ambience of the afternoon rain and the enveloping comfort of you. The two of you can try to beat the record of four orgasms next semester. 

💘taglist: @pascalpanic​, @mellowswriting​

[evierena]

The Demon Brothers catching MC listening/Dancing to their songs

I know that Belphie’s song has been out for a while now, but I still wanted to write something to celebrate all seven songs were blaring on replay on my phone so, here it is. 

INTRO:

For this time around, MC (and Solomon) has somehow convinced Diavolo that in the human world, people felt more at ease with music, with songs that reflected the character of the singer and that could move their hearts.

So, to further expand this idea and to see if it could prove useful to his goal of uniting the realms, the Demon Prince entrust the task to none other than the demon brothers.

Now, with all the songs out and blaring all over the Devildom, MC had found themselves to be quite fascinated by a particular song they just couldn’t stop replaying.

And what happens when the author of said song catches MC singing and dancing along? Let’s see…

Lucifer

You were waiting for him in his study, so probably you shouldn’t have expected much privacy really.

But, in all honesty, how could you not sing along to Arcadia?

The music was alluring, and his voice was simply enticing, it compelled your body and soul to let go, to allow being embraced by Lucifer.  

So you did.

You had forgotten your headphones, so you just had your D.D.D blaring Arcadia on replay, and once the lyrics began, you started signing along, your already dancing hips gaining rhythm and sensuality as the song progressed.

And while you were having a blast, dancing and signing in Lucifer’s study to his song, he was right outside, with the door half open, staring at your figure.

He was as captivated by your dancing as you were by Arcadia.

His heart was both full of love and pride, although he would only publicly admit to the latter. Because, you already knew about the first. And that was enough for him.

In one of those twists and turns you did while dancing you finally lock gazes with the deep crimson irises of Lucifer.

But, instead of stopping all together, you were encouraged by his powerful eyes, and decided to continue signing without breaking eye contact.

Lucifer was amused to say the least, by your little show, and he started to approach you with slow, determined strides until you both were inches away from each other.

The atmosphere grew heavy with his proximity, and you found yourself lowering you tone, adapting it to a soft whisper only loud enough for his ears.

His hands found purchase in your hips, stilling your movements, and to your surprise he joined you in your quiet singing.

And like that, both enraptured, lost in each others eyes, basking in the others presence, the song ended.

Your D.D.D ran out of battery, and the study was suddenly filled with tentative silence.

Lucifer had a smirk in his lips and you were smiling, your hands traveled to his shoulders, and you reach out to him to close the final gap between his mouth and yours.

But just before sharing a kiss that promised so much more, you both were startled by a loud crashing noise somewhere in HoL, and then a series of cursing and screaming.

Let’s just say that the punishment for whoever it was that interrupted Lucifer’s and his human moment was… terrifying.

However, that night you received a visit from Lucifer.

“Why don’t you sing for me again, my dear?”

Mammon

Mammon had invited you to a night out in the casino, and for such a thing you had decided to doll yourself up a little in your room before going out.

That’s what you were doing, when Are you Ready? Started to play in your D.D.D and well, you started to dance in front of the mirror.

The song always managed to bring a big ear to ear smile to your face and it brought out your party self. You really enjoyed it.

The music was so fun and Mammon’s voice reached the best parts of your heart and soul. And the lyrics, in your opinion the lyrics were the best part, specially because you had been there when Mammon was writing them.

It just warmed your body and made you happy.

Speaking of Mammon, he was on his way to pick you up, when he noticed you door was open so he let himself in, just to found you dancing and singing to the mirror his own song.

A deep blush spread in his cheeks, his eyes not entirely comprehending that his human looked that happy, making funny faces and dancing while listening to his song.

Once you caught onto the figure behind you through the mirror, you could see that the fiery blush on your demon grew even deeper. And so did your smile.

So, in your Are you Ready? Induced state, you went for him across your room.

Mammon tried to stop you, but in all honesty, we all know he could never say no to you, not really.

So you brought him next to your still dancing body and spurge him on to do the same.

It took a few seconds for his brain to process the situation, but once he saw the true joy and affection shining in your eyes, he felt himself relax and follow your lead.

Fortunately, the song was on replay, and your speakers were connected to your D.D.D so finally, both you and Mammon fall into a semi party just dancing, jumping to the rhythm, singing along and enjoying the others movements.

Eventually, Lucifer appeared and order both of you to shut up, and in giggles, with your cheeks aching, Mammon and you sneak your way out of HoL, and once you were in his car, on the road to the casino, he put Are you Ready? Again in the speaker of the vehicle.

All the way, both of you sang to the night in the Devildom, him stealing glances at your ecstatic face, and you staring at him while signing using your D.D.D as a pretend mic.

Once you reach the casino, Mammon felt so happy and elated to have you right by his side while he gamble his money away, he actually did manage to win a small fortune.

You both were in a rush with adrenaline pumping and serotonin flooding your brains, you suddenly found yourselves back in Mammon’s room.

Where he catch your body with his, and he stared deeply into your eyes, showing off his white pearls, no glasses covering his eyes so you got lost in the beautiful, divine blue and yellow.

“I’m just crazy for you, MC”

“And I’m madly in love with you, Mammie”

Leviathan

You wanted to surprise him, ok?

It’s just, you really appreciated that he had gotten over his insecurities and power through the whole recording and making of the song. So you wanted him to know that it meant a lot for you and that you truly loved his song.

So you got a Ruri-chan cosplay from Akuzon, pretty much spending all of your savings in a really good one, made up from scratch a choreography for My Chance! And went to work

With all of this motivation you were in the planetarium, recording video after video to just make sure everything was perfect. Of course, it was not your intention to post the video, after it was ready, you were going to send it to him privately.

But, of course, when did things go exactly the way you wanted them to without complications?

Yup, pretty much NEVER.

Honestly, I couldn’t blame you either, after being dressed up, dancing for at least three hours consecutively, perfecting your moves, editing and deleting the unwanted clips, pretty much being exhausted AF, you just hit the wrong button without realizing and post it to the DevilTube channel you had with the brothers, besides sending it to Levi.

Well, good news: it went viral. Bad news: it went VIRAL.

Leviathan couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw the video.

You were so, so, so cute!!! And he couldn’t understand why would you choose HIS song to make such a good video? Like, why would you want something he made (with you in mind of course, but he couldn’t for his life say that out loud without combusting) a icky otaku like him?

So, after you realized your mistake you went to his room to clarify things.

Boy, was he flustered just by seeing you. Although you weren’t wearing the cosplay anymore, he couldn’t make eye contact without blushing furiously, stutter and imagining you in all sorts of different cosplays.

When you explained that you wanted the video to be something private for just the two of you as a token of appreciation for his song, because you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, he understood and said thank you in between stutters and mumbles.

But you also said that you weren’t ashamed that everyone got to see you enjoying his song, almost as if you were bragging about him.

By the end of the day, he truly believed that you loved his song, and somehow both of you had agreed to make another video, dancing along My Chance! But as Henry and Lord of the Shadow.

“And I’ll be the one to make our cosplays!”

“Of course, Levia-chan”

 Satan

In all fairness, you hadn’t realized he was there the whole time you were in the library, trying to study but miserably failing the moment Read My Heart started to play in your earphones.

Singing softly, almost to yourself, your eyes unfocused on the textbooks in front of you, slowly rocking your head side to side, tapping your fingers as if playing the piano, you were enjoying Satan’s song.

You didn’t even felt the green eyes of the blond demon zeroed in on your form, and he wasn’t sure whether he liked it or not.

In the beginning he just followed the quiet noise because it was distracting him from his reading, until he noticed it was you, and after paying more attention to your voice he realized you were singing his song.

A faint blush spread on his cheeks, but his eyes couldn’t stray away from you unaware of your audience, you continued signing over and over again.

He felt warmth, feeling all fuzzy and giddy in the inside without showing much in the exterior, but the small, tender smile he wore in his beautiful face along with the pink in his cheeks said otherwise to anyone who looked.

Lucky for him, it was only the two of you in that moment.

So he decided to indulge himself in the adorable sight that was you, softly and inadvertently signing for him.

However, soon enough he just wanted to be closer to you, so he did.

Slowly, he approached you until he sat beside you.

That’s when you finally noticed him.

You stared at his eyes, and found a glint of amusement at your bashful reaction, but the tenderness in them and his own blush eased your nervousness.

You stopped signing, but he took one of your earphones and put it in his own ear, and then, he also started to softly sing along.

Wide eyed, heart throbbing and your soul melting at the sight of his deepening blush, you let yourself listen to his voice only occasionally adding your own.

Somehow, you ended up resting your head in his chest, and he used one arm to bring you closer, your earphone long forgotten, your ears capturing the sound of his heart in his chest and his soft singing.

After he ended one last time, you sneaked your arms around his midsection.

“It truly is a beautiful heart, Satan”

“And it’s yours, MC”

Asmodeus

On your way from RAD, you had passed by Majolish, and, through the window, caught a glimpse of the pink haired demon, dressing in what appeared to be another brand new outfit, posing in front of mirrors, being praised by a group of lesser demons.

You saw the practiced, smooth smile and postures Asmo was putting on, and couldn’t help but remember when both of you were in his room while you were trying on face masks among a bunch of other products, how carefree and relaxed he looked, how even his flashy and over the top personality had seemed to be calmed down a bit, and how he just enjoyed your presence and allowed himself to be engulfed in the comfort of the moment.

A tender smile sneak its way on your face, watching attentively as he continued on posing through the windows, and you started absentmindedly singing the lyrics of Pomade.

Not long after, Asmodeus locked gazes with you, and your heart flutter at the immense and dazzling smile he flaunted in his beautiful face.

So you continued on with your one-man audience performance.

He mantained eye contact through the mirror, and eventually he understood by reading your lips what you were saying, which brought a bashful blush spread on his cheeks that punch the air out of your lungs.

It should have been illegal to look that exquisitely magnificent. You thought it was fair since he was indeed a demon.

Finally, tired of not being right by your side as you made his own heart throb with such a gentle affection, he grab his bags filled with new products and gifts for the both of you to share, he made his way out of Majolish.

He found you waiting for him with a smile, open arms and sweet benevolence in your eyes, he almost melt instantly in your embrace.

Asmo, with a teasing smile said:

“Baby, you want my love?”

“Yes, I need your love”

Beelzebub

In the middle of the night, you and Beel had decided it was time for a snack. So now, in the kitchen, while you tried to keep as quiet as possible, you watched the gentle giant of a demon that was him, working to make the both of you a few sandwiches and some other snacks you knew he would eat the most of.

You both were sharing AkuPods, and you were in charge of the playlist for the silent raid to the fridge.

Suddenly, Hungry Six-Pack started playing. A fond smile formed on your lips, noticing that the demon himself didn’t seem to realize what was playing on his ear, so you began following the lyrics, making small movements to go along with rhythm.

You gained confidence, and a little mischievousness, so you boldly turned up the volume of your voice. Little by little, your dancing became more jumpy and louder.

Finally, while you were immersed in one of your twists and turns, you felt the warmth of a chest on your back and strong, gentle arms surrounding your dancing figure.

Giggling freely in Beel’s arms, you continued singing to your favorite song. It didn’t took you by surprise when you hear him behind you, joining your little display of talent.

Fortunately, you were able to discern the steps of someone coming over to the kitchen, and as you and your sweet demon scurried back to the safety of his room, the song kept on playing on your ears.

Once inside his room, you flopped into his bed, a wide smile on you, finally being able to see the pure adoration plastered in the orange haired demon towering above you.

“Forever?” he asked.

“Forever, Beel”

Belphegor

Late at night in your room, unable to sleep, your D.D.D screen the only source of light, you were absentmindedly reading a children’s book that you had downloaded earlier that day.

Still, dreams seemed to elude you that night, so defeated you stood up and went to your switch, to distract yourself with some doodling on your desk.

You put on your favorite soft playlist to further help you in getting sleepy.

Then Dreamscape started playing.

Firstly, your moved your head to the rhythm, then your fingers stopped holding your doodles and followed the lead, later, you started humming.

So, you let yourself be comforted by Belphie and his voice, staring through the window, unfocused on the bright Devildom moon, recalling the demon’s face and his gestures while you gave in and began singing the lyrics.

The soft music unexpectedly didn’t get you sleepy, if anything it reinvigorate you by bringing happy memories of the two of you, dissing Lucifer, sleepovers in the attic, some with Beel others not, stargazing, sleepless nights like the one you were experiencing right then just talking about dreams and their very weird, complex, simple or absurd meaning, or, of course, just basking in the others company in a comfortable silence.

Absentmindedly, you had keep on singing and what you didn’t know is that your favorite cuddle buddy was right behind your door, struggling to hide the blush on his face at hearing you sing his song, pondering on whether leave you be or demanding to sleep together.

In his own side, lost in his thoughts, he missed how your voice was approaching the door, you were also on a mission to find him to sleep by his side.

Once you both were face to face, it became obvious what had happened, so you let a small giggle leave your lips, and grabbed him by the arm, turning off the lights, forgetting the doodles in your desk and dragging him to your bed.

There, both of you snuggle closer until the maximum amount of coziness was reached. Limbs tangled between the two, Belphegor’s head ended up resting in your chest, his arms surrounding your midsection, while your hand played with his hair.

In the quietness of the atmosphere, you dared to once more humming the melody of Dreamscape, to your surprise, that earned you a tighter hug and a satisfied hum from the sleepy demon.

By the end, the only thing you could murmur, eyelids barely open and voice hardly understandable, was:

“G’night, Belphie”

As the seconds went by, you fell asleep without consciously hearing his answer, but your dreams were filled with that simple phrase and the face of the demon in your arms.

“Good night, MC”

Thanks for reading and have a peaceful week!

Here's a little playlist with all the songs and audios from Obey Me!

Atte.- Evie

Let's see if you can guess my top 3 favorites from this HC 👀

[oldfacesnewdawnoffical]

Of the characters you’ve made so far who’s design is your favorite? Same thing but just for the characters who are your favorites character wise?

Oh gosh, that’s a tough one…

Of the current designs I’ve posted thus far (up to Fritillaryheart)… GEEZ THIS IS HARD!!

I’m very fond of Rainfall’s; I think I managed to capture her vibes in a very satisfying way. Sharp and cool and regal, but also with something not quite right lurking just below the surface…

The SpottedMottled twins are also near and dear to my heart. Round, fluffy cats are my weakness, especially pseudo-tortoiseshells. Fun fact while on the topic of designs!!: When debating accessories for specific characters, I’ll go into their brief history and personalities. What do I think they’ll like best, what will they wear? This also draws back to the SpottedMottled duo; Mottled is much more simplistic in his aesthetic wear, as it’s mostly for function and displaying his strength + love for his mates… though the feathers were a little splash of self-indulgence on his end lol. Spotted, on the other hand, is bold and brash; many of her accessories are via trade, so she is considered to look quite expensive and flashy, which suits her tastes and character very well. So I like their accessories lol

Dappledtail’s design, while not her first, is very similar to a posted design within OFND’s first public draft. I’m still very fond of it, I think I did very well with the colors and patterns and just general shapes, so I didn’t change it all too much when making her character card!

So… I suppose those four, thus far, are on equal footing for me lol

As for characters…

A lot of character arcs are being adjusted. My goal for OFND is to make every single character a person, with motivations, fears, goals, ambitions, desires! And to do that, and to make the story as a whole more cohesive and smooth, something that I as a creator would deeply enjoy and feel excitement towards offering to others… a lot of changes had to be made lol.

Of course, I’m very fond of Rust. I project heavily onto him for various reasons. He goes through a lot, but he is a character that I am genuinely incredibly proud of!

Laurelstorm, Dreamtongue and Shiningstrike are also some villains that I’ve got a massive soft spot for. I think Shiningstrike is probably the most similar to her canon counterpart, with the other two being drastically differing, but even still they all hold a very dear place close to my heart. Undoubtedly, they aren’t good people. But what is a good story without a good villain (or multiple)? Spottedleaf is also in this category, more similar to Dreamtongue than to Laurelstorm or Shiningstrike.

For the characters that I derive the silliest enjoyment from, for quite literally no reason?? Skipperstripe. I love Skipperstripe. They fill so many tiny plot holes so easily and I’m obsessed with them

[farginen]

let me preface this with a disclaimer that this isn’t shade to anyone in the rp sphere, but it is shade at the occasional post floating around the fandom complaining about royai fan content like art and fics where they get any semblance of a happy ending. and i could write a whole essay on how weird the whole thing is like it’s some kind of horrible crime to write characters growing and healing throughout their lives. 

also don’t get me started on how weirdly micro-aggressive people are with their ‘riza shouldn’t be portrayed as feminine’ takes as if she didn’t love wearing pink sweaters and pretty jewelry CANONICALLY!!!

but anyhow, i do want point some things because motivations and goals is a big part of characterisation for me and i base a lot of the what-if aus / verses around those.

i know i’ve mentioned in previous headcanon posts how riza is really not ambitious at all about getting promoted to higher ranks, but i think it’s also worth pointing out that while she’s not passionate or ambitious about her military career she is incredibly calculating about it. 

because she’s roy’s adjutant, specifically. not just part of his team, but his adjutant. 

and it’s hard to speculate on the regulations around the that position in the amestrian military. different countries have different requirements (like being certain ranks, or being exactly x number of ranks below the superior officer) and while amestris is generally based on germany, it’s a pretty big country in universe that has expanded through bradley’s aggressive military activity (according to edward’s own words when meeting ling) and that has annexed different regions into one country that are based vaguely on different irl regions (namely liore being a mix of france and italy, or ishval being based on north africa) 

but we do know based on arakawa’s own words that she couldn’t have them married in the epilogue because then riza couldn’t be his adjutant. not that they couldn’t marry if they’re both in the military (because again, different places have different fraternisation laws so this is up for interpretation), but that if they married she couldn’t be appointed as just adjutant meaning they couldn’t work together on daily basis. 

to me, that points to the rules and structure of the role being meant to keep the adjutant at certain ranks below the superior officer. hence why she has to be very calculating about timing her promotions so as not to disqualify herself for the position. 

and at the end of the day the whole point of being in the military for riza is to work with roy. both because the sense of responsibility and guilt. but like, that is her life long partner. they will live and work and die together. being in the military is not the objective, it’s the means to an end. 

which is why i have no problem writing post canon timelines where they get to have their cake and eat it too. but also it’s not really a reach or out of the realm of possibilities. if the circumstances are right and allow for them to marry while still working on their goals then i don’t see what’s the problem ?

riza is a character who is deeply sad and lonely because she has never had a family, who adores kids and wants them to grow up safe and healthy and never have to go through war like she did and that’s literally her motivation for staying in the military. not because she enjoys it but because she doesn’t, it’s pretty much a self appointed punishment. so no, it is not a stretch that something in life she considers precious and worth dedicating her life towards protecting is something she would like for herself as well but doesn’t feel like she deserves.

is it self indulgent? yeah, sure. it’s my blog, i can do whatever the fuck i want. 

[akitohsworld]

It's okay to be sad - MC/GN!Reader who bottles up emotions

Short story with additional scenes

I was emotional and wanted to write something mildly angsty +with happy end

|Lucifer, Leviathan, Satan

You're perfect at masking your emotions. It comes naturally to you, no not in an 'oh I'm so different than the rest" manner. But in a 'I shouldn't be dramatic'- kind of way.

You know, the seven brothers, they all have problems. Problems that to you, were maybe evident. Because you came to them with your human standards and your human socially acceptable behaviour and your human psychology.

You judged them under those standards because it's all you've ever known. That's normal. It made sense.

But that also meant that you could see:

Lucifer's prideful, cold, distant demeanour due to guilt and sadness.

Mammon's greed as a form of escapism.

Leviathan's envy and due to an overwhelming inferiority complex.

Satan's masked, distant anger issues due to his own insecurities (father issues).

Asmodeus narcissistic personality due to his struggle with self image and self worth.

Beelzebub's gluttony to fill the emptiness, maybe distress.

And Belphegor's constant tiredness because of depression.

Whatever the real reasons, the real cause, you knew that specific behaviour came from underlying issues. Underlying problems, that, when thrown at you, were never meant to be personal. It was them 'acting out' due to their own pain.

Although, this gave you more the reason to forget your own issues. Even if for a little while, you could indulge in the feeling of being a helpful person to others. You felt needed. You felt loved.

But as obvious as their behaviour made their problems for you, as undetectable your behaviour was for them as you were a natural at masking to be fine. That was what you had to do. That's what the detached society in the human world looked like. Nobody wanted to be vulnerable, but everyone wanted to belong, fit in.

What do you do to fit in?

Exactly. You're fine. You're normal.

Everyone has problems.

You pass Leviathan's room one day, hear him sniffling, sobbing and he just sounds so incredibly devastated and lonely to you. You can't stop yourself, you knock. The sniffling stops and you hear him try to calm down, in fear of his brothers hearing and teasing him for it. And then he asks:

"Wh-what do you want??"

In your head you already ticked a box.

Mistake number one: He hasn't asked for a code.

"Levi, it's me", you respond, voice as soothing as you could possibly manage.

"Y-(y/N)? Uh- uhm"

Mistake number 2: He normally immediately tells you to come in or opens the door himself.

"Can I come in?"

"...", he says nothing, probably because he is debating. Probably, because he can't decide if he wants you to see him like this... What if you think he's annoying?- But he also doesn't want you to go because he doesn't actually want to be alone. He wants comfort.

And so, instead of answering, he cautiously opens the door, peaking outside, hoping to see some kind of rejection, or sympathy in your immediate reaction.

You just shoot him a sympathetic smile. A smile that says 'hey it's okay', a smile that says 'I will never judge you' and you go in, as he opens the door, taking a step back.

You close the door behind you, so that no one sees him and, without a word you just reach out to him, inviting him in for a hug. And he just immediately falls into your arms and begins to start sobbing uncontrollably. He burries his face in your shoulder and hugs you tight, just as you soothingly rub his back, pressing your cheek against his.

"It's okay. I'm here", you mumble as your hand pats his head and softly caress his purple locks, "It's okay. You can cry.. just let it all out"

And he shakes even harder as you just stay like that for what feels like an eternity. While he calms down, muffled sniffles dying down, you part, but not fully. Just so you can see his face.

His eyes are puffy from crying, and he looks better, not so devastated anymore, but still very distressed.

Your hands cup his cheeks and rub the tears away lovingly, giving him time.

"A-aren't you wondering why I'm c-crying...?", he tries not to, but you know he's worrying about your motives. He's worrying about you caring or not. He's worrying about being a bother. He's worrying about you hati-

"Yes, of course. I'm worried", you smile, "But I don't want to pressure you. If you want to talk about it, then I'll gladly listen and if I can be of help, I'd-"

And his tears well up again as he hugs you tightly once more. "Th-thank you, (y/N), you're the best."

Afterwards, he would tell you the reason and you would hug more. And finally, you would ask if he wants to cuddle up and game or watch anime to calm down and distract yourselves. Having dinner in his room and just cuddling until the next morning.

That's what Leviathan's break downs looked like. And you were always happy to help. Because you cared for him.

Everyone has problems.

Satan and you had these afternoons. Just at random, he would hit you up to just sit down somewhere and rant. Rant, rant, rant and finally letting his anger out in one choleric blast. Sometimes ending in maniacal, distressed laughter.

Why did you have these sessions? Because you wanted him to have an outlet. You wanted to make him feel understood and not judged.

For everyone else in the Devildom, his wrath was "just" a result of his sin. But you knew, that it was more than that. It was bottled up emotions and a deeply routed insecurity.

It made him angry, he hated it, to be compared to Lucifer, to not feel like his own person.

And you knew that.

Why?

Because you listened to him. You gave him the space to talk and rant about what made him angry and why. Without judgement.

Yes, you were definetly a therapist without a license. But that didn't mean that he didn't feel better after each rant. He loved you for being that safe space he missed in his life.

After another one of many explosions, you would normally put a hand on his shoulder. Your eyes asking if he needed more time. He would, strangely, calm down instantly. He just felt so serene with you there.

"It.. just made me so mad and I'm getting angry just thinking about it", he would say, trying to search for a calmer way to explain himself.

"No, that's perfectly valid. Nobody has the right to do that/ Feeling the way you feel is your mind's way of telling you that there is a reason. It doesn't matter if you know it or not, it's there and that makes it valid.", were things you would say to make him feel validated and accepted in his emotions.

"Why do you think, you feel that way?/ What do you think was the thing that really stung about what they said?", were questions that would follow.

And when you offered a hug, he would gladly hug you and enjoy the comfort of your hands rubbing through his hair, almost making him purr.

"Thank you for telling me.", you would say.

"Thank you for always listening.", he would respond.

And both of you would be smiling.

Sure, it sounded tiring. And sure, sometimes it took all your mental capacity to really be of help to him. But you were appreciated and you cared for him. He cared for your opinion because he cared for and respected you.

Everyone has problems.

Lucifer on the other hand, would be a tough nut to crack at the beginning. He masks all his exhaustion, his overthinking and his worries by working until he collapses from exhaustion.

It was basically his form of escapism.

Late at night, you'd come to his study. Bringing him snacks and some tea. You didn't even have to knock most of the time. He would open the door with magic and wouldn't even look up.

You look at him, burried in his papers from head to toe. His pen sliding over the paper swiftly, as he mumbles work-related things to himself in concentration. You muster up a sympathetic smile, even though you just want to sigh and shake your head.

"Scones?", he asks as he stops for a second to look at the platter you put before him. He smiles gratefully, "Thank you. I appreciate it."

You wordlessly put your arms around his head and feel him tensing up for a second, before relaxing against your touch, putting an arm around your thighs, rubbing them absentmindedly.

"You should take a break", you'd tell him, as you had so many times before. And he'd weakly nod, sighing.

"I appreciate your concern, but there's so much to do."

"I'll make you take breaks, Lucifer", your fingers caress his head and he sighs contently, "I'll tell Diavolo."

"Oh anything but that", he chuckles. The first sign of him being too exhausted is his inability to properly react to a threat like that.

Lucifer, bless him, is a bit of a buzz kill. So he normally doesn't take kindly to remarks like that. And that's when you know.

"You're taking a break. Now."

And he would just grip onto you more tightly and not say anything. Deep in thought.

Your voice would soften as you ask him:

"Love, tell me what's going through your mind."

"I can't hide anything from you, can I?", and with a defeated, but grateful sigh he would spill everything that worries him, that pains him, that makes him insecure. About Diavolo, the Devildom, his brothers... Everything really. And then, you would take his hand, and guide him to the bedroom through the connected door. And he would let you help him wordlessly, as you loosen his tie, unbutton his shirt and help him change. Afterwards, you would lay down cuddling and sleeping, too tired to do anything else.

The next morning, you would make him take a bath in his demon form. Helping him groom his feathers, wash and proceeding to get wet as he shakes himself like a bathing bird. And just like that his mood would be enhanced, he would feel happy and full of energy.

A well-deserved break was something you were willing to force him into. Because you cared for him.

Everyone has problems.

Yes, everyone has problems.

And that's why you didn't even think about yours. That's why you didn't want to think about yours.

And nobody notices at first.

Because that's just how you deal with everything.

Because when it threatens to overflow, you can just pretend to have an occasional bad day.

Because you don't know how to deal with them.

Because even though you behave like the absolute reliable therapist, you're your worst client.

But one day. One day your mask cracks. You can't stop it. It just happens.

Because one day you'll reach your limit and nothing can stop you from doing so.

It doesn't matter what triggers it. A thought at breakfast, a comment you took personally, someone who looks at you strangely, food that you don't like. It doesn't matter.

One day, your mask cracks.

It's a small crack.

But it's noticeable.

Maybe you snapped out of it in the middle of overreacting. And you just excused yourself saying you're tired and go to the bathroom.

But it's too late.

Because now that they saw you reacting uncharacteristically their eyes are fixed on you more than ever before. They notice, and they will notice, the crack. They can't put their finger on it, because you hide it well, but it's definetly there.

And you break down in the bathroom, desperately clutching at the sink, looking into the mirror and trying to calm down while tears continue streaming down your face. You wallow in self pity and self deprecation. It just comes over you, like a wave.

And suddenly it's time to leave.

Lucifer knocks on the bathroom door, after telling his brothers to leave already. Everyone noticed. But he wants to make sure you're okay without them around.

You wipe your tears, wash your face and try your most natural happy-go-lucky smile. But he notices your puffy eyes. He reaches out to ask you what's wrong, but you distract him with whatever shenanigans his brother is doing at the moment and quickly go off to put an arm around Asmo and Satan, asking them 'what's up' in the most natural way you can muster. As you talk, you think he will, they will, eventually forget, or maybe ignore your behaviour. That nagging feeling that is telling them that something is not okay.

Throughout the day, you get more random hugs than usual, more attention bits than usual and also more treats from Beel than usual.

You can't hide it. Because no matter how normal you think you behave, there is something 'off' about you. It could be you being a bit too cheerful, a bit more tense, or a tad to unresponsive. Either way, there is something on edge about you.

You go to the bathroom again, this time at RAD. You enter one of the stalls, have a quick cry and go out to wash your face. You go out and meet Lucifer and Diavolo in the hallway.

You're even more on edge now, because you can't lie. So, you try to just wave at them and pass them quickly, trying to look like you need somewhere to be.

"(y/N).", Lucifer would call out to you and you would flinch in the most subtle way, before turning around smiling

"Hey! I need to go- what's wrong?", which would be technically the truth.

"We need to talk later, alright?"

And your stomach drops so hard, you'd think it hit the floor, when you try to seem as unbothered as possible, faking concern. "Of course? I mean, we'll eat dinner together so"

He would just worriedly look at you and force a smile as you went your way.

He knows. He knows. Oh no, he knows.

Thinking up excuses to questions you were making up in your mind is proving to be too exhausting and frankly, you're too preoccupied with 'being fine'.

But the damage is done. You're mask is this close to breaking. It only takes three little words to break you at this point.

RAD ends and you walk home in silence. You simply don't have the energy to mask anything more than a semi-interested, seemingly invested smile as you listen to Asmo talking about the newest skin care serum, and Mammon talking about his newest cash grab. Superficial topics they picked up half heartedly to make the atmosphere less tense.

And finally you arrive at the house of Lamentation.

To your suprise not even Beel goes directly to the kitchen. You wordlessly follow them, as they enter the living room in silence.

"Honey, sit down please.", Asmo says, sympathetic look on his face as he pats the spot beside him on the couch. You mask a confused expression and a:

"Uh? Okay...??", as you sit down, everyone else taking their place next and in front of you. As you all sit or stand in a circle.

Neither Belphie nor Asmo directly cuddle up to, or lay on your lap, even though they're sitting beside you and that's what they always do. They're giving you space. And they all have a worried expression on their faces.

"So, (y/N)-", Satan begins but he is cut off by Mammon.

"Are ya okay?"

That's it.

And in a flash Asmo's arms are around you, Belphie offers you to hug his pillow before he hugs your waist, Satan gets you tissues and rubs your back, Beel crouches down before you, food in his arms and a worried sad puppy expression on his face, Levi stutters and doesn't know what to do besides sitting down beside Beel and try to comfort you, Mammon short circuits and just sits down with the others while putting a hand on your knee and Lucifer asks if there's something you need, or if you want space. When you shake your head he joins the others on the couch as everyone group-hugs you, letting you cry.

The mask breaks and falls as you feel your stomach sink to the floor. Your face contorts in pain, trying to calm yourself down. You can't even form words as you take a breath to speak.

Your head just falls to your hands and you sob and cry, in front of them, for the first time. You feel so small, and the world feels like it's crushing down on you in a single motion.

The occasional 'don't apologize ya idiot', 'you have nothing to be sorry for', and 'its okay to feel sad sometimes' responding to your incoherent sentences.

It's good to help others, but remember the world is made of giving and taking. It's okay to receive help and be vulnerable around others. It's okay to confide.

Just as you think your favourite people in the world could never be a bother, just like that it's okay to assume that that feeling is reciprocated.

You're not alone, you don't have to wear a mask.

It's okay to be sad sometimes.

Because everyone has problems.

If anyone alludes this to not actually wearing a literal mask against Covid I swEaR tO gOD yoU'Ll cAtcH thESe hAndS 👀