reaperluvr

[reaperluvr]

casual?

a self indulgent angsty fanfiction about my tiefling tav with lae’zel and astarion. her name is Adhara and she means so much to me

cw: mentions of sex but nothing explicit, wlw situationship, angst, Lae’zel feeling feelings

why him?

Lae’zel thinks of herself as strong, independent, and even a little scary. She came to terms with that, she doesn’t normally think about what others feel about her. Not until that tiefling wizard came into her life.

It’s unlike her to feel so deeply for someone, especially a person whom gith consider weak and a waste of space. Lae’zel never thought much of tieflings until Adhara asked her to join in on the adventure to find a cure for their shared predicament.

Over time, she found herself becoming close to the purple, horned creature. So close, she found herself confessing a feeling one day on a whim. It wasn’t so much a declaration of love; but more so a burning, lustful desire to feel her skin against the other woman’s.

It would be an understatement to say that’s all they did together that night, and many nights after. After long days of fighting and exploring the shadowlands, the two would often find each other in the tent, sharing sweet kisses and soft touches. Lae’zel is not who you would call gentle, she wouldn’t believe you if you told her she was becoming soft for a tiefling of all things.

But that was the exact problem with their relationship.

As much as Adhara would try to learn and understand gith customs and culture, Lae’zel couldn’t seem to do the same. When speaking lowly of tieflings, Lae’zel would forget Adhara even is one. She would often speak those insults in front of her, not realizing until after the venomous words have already spilt from her mouth how harmful it could be. From the silence from Adhara, Lae’zel would always just assume she understood her forgetfulness and that’s why she didn’t try to correct her.

It took her a while, but the githyanki did start to notice the distance between her and the purple tiefling. At first it started off with shorter visits to her tent, less motivation for sex and more so just sitting in almost silence. This continued to happen until Adhara stopped coming to Lae’zel’s tent altogether.

After a few lonely nights, the warrior decided to confront Adhara when everyone would rest for the day. Lae’zel waited when the camp seemed completely quiet to come out from her tent and attempt to find Adhara. The strange part is how she wasn’t found in her own tent. The githyanki continued to search around the area until she started to hear voices.

two voices.

she followed the noise quietly, hoping to vlaakith Adhara wasn’t speaking to who she thought she was. When she drew closer, she came to a stop to hide herself behind a nearby tree. Not too close so they could sense her, but close enough so Lae’zel would be able to hear their conversation.

She regretted it instantly.

The most she heard was flirting from the both of them at the start. Lae’zel started to dissociate from pure rage until she heard her name spoken from those soft lips of Adhara’s. But it was something the warrior wished she could relinquish from her mind.

“Lae’zel? Why are you asking about her?”

“I’m sorry for prodding, my dear. But it seemed to me you two had something going on. You two spent a lot of alone time together during the nights.”

“No, well- yes. However, we were never in a relationship. It was just something casual.”

Casual?

That’s what you would call that?

Casual.

Part of Lae’zel wanted to interrupt and release her anger onto the both of them, she wanted to kill the vampire for pursuing her woman. she wanted to kill the tiefling for such a betrayal.

But the other part of her could do nothing but stand still behind the tree. This was the first time Lae’zel found herself at loss for words, for actions.

No, her and Adhara never made anything set in stone. Most of the time spent with her was because of either exploration or sex during the late nights.

But was the way Adhara held her supposed to be casual? Were the sweet, reassuring words spoken casual? The urgency to help her in a near death experience because of the Zaith’isk, the desperation shown to Shadowheart when she had a knife to her throat?

All of that was casual.

Lae’zel couldn’t understand why Adhara drifted away to choose Astarion over her. Why him? What’s so special about him?

Has it always been this way? Was the tiefling always desiring for this man, if you could even call him that? She had so many questions that would forever go unanswered. She couldn’t seem to understand the similarities the two had, she didn’t want to.

Did Lae’zel have to have similarities to be loved by Adhara? No..

Did Lae’zel have to be a man instead?