#this user is comfortable with being called queer

[genderqueerdykes]

I saw the post about respecting it/its pronouns users and I wanted to ask a question. I am genuinely curious and want to understand better so I’m sorry if I miss the mark. Personally my discomfort with referring to someone with it/its isn’t from the idea that I don’t personally want to be referred to that way, but from feeling like even though it is being specifically requested, it feels dehumanizing. I think it would be a similar feeling if someone named themselves something that is typically a slur or hate speech. I wouldn’t call them the wrong name but I don’t think I would be able to use their name if that makes sense? It deeply uncomfortable to refer to someone in a way that I see as dehumanizing. I don't know how to get over this thought process. Do you have any suggestions? I want to be able to fully respect people’s choices and pronouns properly and understand.

hello thanks for stopping by!

since i get this exact question constantly, let me phrase it like this:

this is hypothetical, i don't know your real pronouns. but let's say you started telling people "my pronouns are they/them, please use those for me, i only use they/them." and everyone around you went:

"i can't use they/them for you. i won't do that, that feels dehumanizing to me. it makes me uncomfortable."

are those people justified in misgendering you because they are uncomfortable?

all of those things you said:

all of these things are about you. you are are thinking about yourself and your own feelings here, not someone else's.

you cannot project your own personal discomfort on to a total stranger like that. they asked you to be referred to by it/its. you are misgendering them if you refer to them by any other pronouns. that is dehumanizing. instead of getting caught up in how you feel about being referred to as it/its, think about how you're dehumanizing someone else by misgendering them instead!

it's never okay to misgender someone because of how you feel about a pronoun set that genuinely is harming no one. it doesn't matter how you feel about those pronouns as you are not the one being referred to by them. the thing is, you are not being called it/its in this scenario. it is the other person who you are calling that. they told you and asked you to do it first. it's not a bait and switch, you're not getting baited into misgendering someone. it is misgendering when one refuses to use that set of pronouns

my suggestion is question why you felt it was appropriate to consider your comfort over someone else's. do you approach people who use they, he, and she this way? if so, that's something you must address, as those pronouns are also used to dehumanize intersex and trans people every day. every day trans women are dehumanized with he and trans men are dehumanized with she. those can also be deeply dehumanizing pronouns, the focus shouldn't be on it/its

the more you use them for people who want them used for them, the more comfortable it becomes. also, it might be good to just.. ask that person how those pronouns make them feel, what they like about them. it might give you a better perspective on it as opposed to a negative assumption

hope that helps! feel free to ask any more questions you may have. all in all, don't make someone else's queer identity about you. that's the best way to approach any identity that someone asks you to be called that isn't outright appropriative or actually harmful or dangerous.

[lgbtq-userboxes]

[lesbiancocksucker]

just saw someone claim using identity lists is better than just using the word queer for EVERYONE because it's personally triggering for them

[tibopansy]

i still can't stop thinking about non-it/its users responses to this post. how an awful lot of people think it's fine to refuse someone else's pronouns because of their own discomfort.

let me tell you a story.

i have been dehumanized almost my entire life. a combination of my race, disabilities, and the mental illnesses that i developed very early in my life meant i was treated like a monster. i started coming out as gay too early for my peers' comfort and that only added to that treatment. my dehumanization is enshrined in christianity. i took on the label of monster on purpose because i stopped relating to humanity. why should i want to be a part of a group who did nothing but hurt me and exclude me in the first place?

i don't need to be protected from my own goddamn pronouns. i don't need to hear about the historical dehumanization of queer people and people of color and disabled people because, like a massive majority of the people using it/its, i fucking know. i have for literal decades.

you know what hurts? telling me i don't know what's best for myself, that your discomfort with my life is more important than treating me like someone who can make its own fucking decisions, and misgendering me because you can't handle being reminded of the things that literally continue to happen to me. i'm not a poor unthinking baby that needs to be saved, and neither are the other it/its users.

if you have feelings about it/its, you can process them on your own time, like every other person uncomfortable with a pronoun set.

and for the love of everything unholy just call me by my fucking pronouns.

[anxietyfluffy]

I dont try to make posts like this as it sucks all the fun n life out of the tags at points but theres a person in the tags rn who is openly homophobic and I feel the need to call them out on it. The user in question is @bradwongsgffrrrr . They change their name often from what i saw, so here is the post in question, which is a ship edit of Diego and Evie. Another edit of theirs gets mentioned a lot as well, which is an edit they did of Joe Warren and Louis Leroux

Here is the discussion that happened where they said some pretty gross stuff:

The reason me as well as others assumed the Warren & Leroux edit was a ship edit was cus of the fact people reblogged n replied to it saying how they loved the ship as well as the fact the audio used was a ship audio. Anyways, just wanna warn you all as of there are plenty of queer artists in the CC fandom, so seeing this kind of stuff is always sucky. I will also say, religion is NEVER an excuse for homophobia. Even if you yourself aren't comfortable with queer people, especially in a fandom like this you need to keep it to yourself as even the game itself goes against your beliefs with having openly queer characters. What you personally believe in doesn't give you the moral highground to sit there and judge others for living their lives, especially if it isnt hurting anyone. While there are also other suspicions me as well as others have noticed with certain accounts only reblogging and liking newer/popular posts in the tag and then this person's content, them being around the same time on the exact same date and being very obviously newer accounts with all similar writing styles and images that couldve been taken from google, Pinterest or Tumblr and easily can be accounts that were made for possibly botting notes on this persons posts -

-The main issue is just the homophobia and the doubling down on said homophobia, especially in a fandom as queer as this one. And its clear this person is truly just outright homophobic, it is clear when you read through the messages shown above that they at the very least have a distain towards gay people.

Again, sorry I have to make a post like this, i always hate posting drama-related things instead of fanart or content for yall but this is important as i know so many people in this fandom, esp people who make content for it here, are queer and i dont want people having to experience this. So, I recommend blocking them.

[orange-orchard-system]

Since mottos and slogans have been a hot topic in the plural community lately... I want to introduce one that I've been thinking of for a long while now! It's part rallying cry, part "defiance via continued existence", and part punk in the "spikes as a deterrent" way (if that last comparison makes sense at all, lol – I'm specifically thinking of things like how wheelchair users may put spikes on the handles of their 'chair so others don't try to touch or move them without permission). It's this:

"Plural as in there are more of us than you think."

[PT: "Plural as in there are more of us than you think." / end PT]

I've also considered a longer version that would tie in the queer community/queerness – which I know is intertwined with plurality for many people – and that version would be: "Queer as in here without fear, plural as in there are more of us than you think". What do you all think?

I think it's very to-the-point, and plays on a simple premise: that we're not backing down – not in the face of hate, and not in the face of fear. Especially with the longer version; we're here, we're queer, get over it – and if you refuse to, just know that you can't silence us all, no matter how loudly you try to drown us out. We will always be here. There will always be someone to fight against the hate, to spit in the face of bigotry just by continuing to draw breath. It also has a nod to an older queer sentiment that I think we should bring back for both queer and plural folk alike – that we are everywhere. The cashier that scanned your groceries might be plural. The classmate sitting next to you might be plural. The neighbor across the street might be plural. We are here. There are more of us than you think. And we will not be afraid.

"There are more of us than you think" is also a nod to how statistics are often both misunderstood and just plain lacking in data. People really don't seem to realize just how population statistics translate to real life; how many people they pass by or have brief interactions with fit that "extremely rare" condition they dismissed, because something like "1.5%" doesn't look like a lot on paper, but ends up as a whole lot when you wander out into the world. That's at least one out of a hundred – and that estimate is on the more conservative side about one specific presentation of plurality, and doesn't account for many, many other forms of it. So, yeah, there are definitely more of us than they/you think.

I admit it can be read as a tad aggressive, but that's also part of the point. It's meant to be a very in-your-face type of motto, especially as a spit in the face of pluralphobia and all other forms of bigotry it entangles itself with – racism, sanism, disableism, ableism, religious intolerance, queerphobia, etc.. Yeah, your cashier, classmate, neighbor might be plural – and so what?! Yeah, maybe you should think twice about messing with us, because acceptance is growing and you're not going to be able to excuse your hateful nonsense for much longer without it being called out as such! But on the other hand, I think it can work well as a conversation starter, giving people the prompt to ask, "What does that mean?" In this case, the slogan being so provocative works in its favor! Yeah, actually, I'd love to talk about how plurals go unknown and deserve more awareness, how there are almost certainly more of us than even we can know for certain! And, again, spikes on a wheelchair – taking words as an art form, this slogan is art that's meant to make you uncomfortable, to make you question things; "Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.", as Cesar A. Cruz said. It makes you scared or uncomfortable to think about there being more plurals out there than you first estimated there to be? Why does it make you feel that? Is this the result of unconscious bias? Why do you think we, the makers of this slogan, might be comforted by the same phrase that disturbs you?

We're plural as in more-than-one in more than one (lol) meaning of the phrase. More-than-one in this body, more-than-one of us out there fighting the good fight – helping others, breaking down walls, and pushing for a kinder and more accepting future.

Plural as in there are more of us than you think. Fuck your hatred, we're gonna be here no matter what.

[leverage-ot3]

Is leverage redemption worth watching? I love Leverage but idk if i could enjoy the show if hardison isn't in most episodes or if the reboot sells out in some way.

okay so I showed up to this ask like four months late with a smoothie so I'm sorry about that BUT

does redemption have it's flaws? yes, I will be the first to admit that!

however, as someone who deeply loves leverage, the characters and what the show stands for, I still can find myself enjoying redemption.

there's one post that's in my drafts talking about the differences between the og and redemption and the so-called universe physics (how logic works in both shows and how they are the same/differ) and there are definitely some differences. there are some really good posts comparing them in the tags and I'll try to tag them as watch redemption when they come up!

I'm going to be really honest right now and say that (no shade) I feel like redemption s1-2 were lacking because john rogers was not a main writer for them. devlin and the others are great and know their stuff, but redemption was missing some of the grit (balanced with everything else) that the original run had. redemption is more fun and lighthearted (where the og was still fun and had comedic elements but also had a more jaded perspective). I think part of that change is the absence of nate as a character and what he brought to the table, but the other part of that is very much the way the show is written overall

I have seen some criticism about parker being a caricature of what she was in the original run (ex: how she goes to a child's psychologist and uses puppets sometimes, is overtly weird, more loud about stuff, etc) BUT I will say that I think there's some nuance to that

I don't think the child psychiatrist thing is infantalizing- some methods of therapy work for people more than others and that is me speaking as someone who works in mental health. if play therapy and stuff like that work for you as an adult, good for you! whatever works for you is more than enough the overtly and loudly being weird thing I really do think can be taken either way. in the original run part of parker's character progression was that she was learning how to interact with people normally (or at least more efficiently), but her being more out about that now can be taken as she is more comfortable in her skin and acting like she wants because she is surrounded by people who love and support her. maybe she doesn't want to (or have to!) mask all the time and I don't see a problem with that

HOWEVER! there are certain criticisms that are related to her characterizations and overlaps with her autism and I don't want to speak over the autism community about those aspects and how they have manifested in her character in redemption so I'm leaving it there

as for the hardison being absent aspect- I was REALLY afraid of that at first BUT the loss isn't so deeply impactful when you have characters like breanna and harry added to the mix. I went in ambivalent about harry and excited to have breanna (a canon queer) joining the team, but I have come to love and cherish both of them dearly and wouldn't want to replace them or lose them as characters in this found family ensemble. I think the writers handled aldis' packed schedule really well and even though he isn't there in most episodes, his presence is still very much around. parker and eliot talk about him and reference him when he's gone. so do sophie and breanna, even harry. he isn't on the screen but the relationships he's formed with the other characters and the impact he's had on them is very evident.

there are some takes from users about whether or not the ot3 was queerbait, un-canoned, etc in redemption. I have a lot of thoughts about it and a lot of them are incomprehensible but what I can say is that I have renewed hopes for the progression and canon development of their relationship now that john rogers is back as the main writer for s3

[miraculouslumination]

Really need some people to realize that just because you struggled with something regarding your sexuality and/or gender, does NOT mean that every other person does

If your reaction every single time someone says "hey sometimes cis gay men and cis lesbian women DO have sex with each other and ENJOY IT, that doesn't mean anything about their sexualities or genders or morals or anything, "

Is to go

"ERMMMMM THIS JUST SOUNDS LIKE INTERNALIZED BIPHOBIA TO ME"

Then I'm sorry but I fear you just need to do this thing called opening up your mind to the fact that not Every Instance of something that COULD be labeled as bisexuality, but ISN'T, is biphobia

Yes, even if that's what prevented you, a family member, or friend, or lover, or whatever from identifying or claiming the label of bi

Queer people living their lives in a way that they find comfortable and enjoyable, so long as no one they directly know (which means Not You, Random Internet User) is being directly hurt, is not a threat to you or your sexuality

[genderqueerdykes]

as someone who has been scarred for life by experiences at gay bars, i need people to understand it's beyond tacky to mock people who want queer spaces beyond queer bars- it's dangerous.

let me explain. i went to 2 of my local queer bars a lot last year, as much as i was able to despite being poor. i witnessed a fist fight that was so bloody that ended up with a transmisogynistic drag queen getting hit in the head with a metal baton. the sight caused me to uncontrollably throw up in the bathroom of the club because of how gruesome it was. they had to close down the club and forard people out the back door because of how out of hand this person got- he was screaming transmisogynstic slurs and phrases at the bouncers were were transfem.

i was also sexually assaulted at these places, i was repeatedly groped by several people who i was not interacting with in the first place who found me attractive and decided physically grabbing me on numerous occasions was the way to get my attention. being femme in a queer bar is dangerous even if the people groping you are gay men.

i am also a recovering addict who dealt with alcohol issues in the past and could be considered a recovering alcoholic. i don't want to be around alcohol. i don't want to smell it. it triggers awful memories and also sometimes makes me consider getting a drink, but i can't have one, because the medications i take will cause a fatal reaction- i don't want to be tempted to drink, because it will kill me.

it's not right to mock someone or call them childish or whatever for not wanting to go to a club. whenever alcohol is involved, people's inhibitions are gone and they will do whatever. this includes fighting. i witnessed several other fights. just because it's a queer bar doesn't mean there won't be fights. and it especialyl doesn't m ean that you won't get groped or assaulted because, like i said, since alcohol is involved and it's a bar, there's a high chance this can and will happen.

queer people are not inherently safe angels to be around by virtue of being queer. there are still transphobes in queer bars. tranny chasers come to these bars. homophobic lesbians show up and lesbophobic gay men show up. drag queens and performers bring their cishet friends and family to support their shows. these are not perfect havens. they are not safe. we should not force other queers to interact with inherently dangerous spaces if these are supposed to be our safe spaces.

also these spaces are not friendly to people with disabilities; wheelchair users have nowhere to go especially when it's very crowded. other mobility aids get kicked and knocked over. neurodivergent people can get overstimulated by the deafening music very quickly. photosensitive people can have seizures due to the strobing lights. people with emetophobia like me run the risk of running into those types of triggers. people who are overstimulated by intoxicated people have no choice but to deal with it. dancing is one of the only activities to do other than drink and not many disabled (or even abled) people can dance for extended periods of time comfortably.

not to mention these spaces are not geared toward aromantic or asexual people at all, either. there is a long list of reasons why bars should not be our primary venues of interaction with one another. they serve a specific purpose- for people who want to cruise- but for the rest of us, it's really crucial that we have spaces that provide meaningful interactions with other queers on other levels of our identities.

some people just want to hang out with other queers in a quiet environment and craft, or shop, or drink coffee, or read books together, or just about any other activity on planet earth, and that's not "lame" or "cringy" or bad in any way- these are extremely normal and necessary parts of human interaction that we all require and crave and it's normal to want to do healthy, domestic things with other queers. we need this in our lives.

please take it seriously when people attempt to create queer spaces that don't involve alcohol and bars. it's necessary for our survival and well being as a community.

[lgbtq-userboxes]

[cccat-in-a-meat-sack]

it/its pronouns are degrading and uncomfortable expecting people to be comfortable referring to you that way is selfish. also wanting be seen as a little gremlin creature, object, or thing, has nothing to do with "queerness" and everything to do with low self-esteem.

They're degrading...to you.

They're uncomfortable...to you.

It/its pronouns are pronouns, and up to the user to decide if they want to use them. If they do, cool! If they don't, also cool!

My pronouns are not up to you to decide if you want to use them. My pronouns are not up to you to decide why I use them. I am not human. I do not like being called he/him, she/her, they/them, but I like being called it/its. Even if I DID have low self-esteem, it is not your place to decide what pronouns I should use. It/its are pronouns, just like anything else.

[wronglennon]

need need need to hear what the 1969 era was like in your daemon AU, like what are yoko and lindas daemons, what was the get back era like, what shape does George’s daemon settle into this fic has taken over my brain

hi!! this is so fun im so pleased you’re invested because me and james @menlove (hi james) have been talking about this constantly. i wanna break some stuff down into bulletpoints, and then theres some stuff i wanna keep for later works because i am definitely planning to write a piece set in the get back era and a piece in the 70s (maybe they’ll kind of conjoin into another longform thing but who knows). i fear this is long so im putting it under the cut but should anyone like to read the fic here’s the link (user only im afraid)

george’s daemon (rimbaud) settles as a snake, specifically a burmese python, which i weirdly only settled on yesterday. james and i had liked the idea for his daemon being a snake but i couldn’t decide between something smaller or smth more akin to the burmese python but james pointed out how well the large snake imagery would go with a lot of goerge’s stuff. i mean. i love the image of a huge snake in the grass on the cover of all things must pass, kind of curled next to him.

linda’s daemon is a sun bear called theseus!! i just love the idea of two very earth bound animals for her and paul, especially how connected and enmeshed in nature they become with the farm etc. i think a lot about one of yokos quotes about linda’s smile being like the sun or something similar (paraphrasing) and i think the warmth and also the care and comfort that comes with the association and image of bears is very her, but there’s still a fierceness and protectiveness that feels very necessary. i liked theseus as a name for her as well because of the greek figure that beats the minotaur and finds his way out of the labyrinth (navigating the john paul relationship in the late 60s is incredibly labyrinthian to me) but also because he is the king in a midsummer’s night’s dream that watches the botched performance of pyramus and thisbe! just felt verryyyy pertinent

yoko’s daemon is a dragonfly called rentaro. i also like the idea of both yoko’s and linda’s daemons being male i think there’s something about the identities and the sort of respective queerness in both their relationships but also yoko with john’s many comments of her being like a bloke in drag etc. i love the notion of a dragonfly for her as they’re largely seem to symbolise and change in perspective and a rebirth of sorts which i think is very much what she meant for john, but also what her relationship with john meant for her. plus the kind of graceful, airborne creature matches thisbe in that they’re both creatures of flight. whereas paul and linda are earthbound, there’s something very untied and abstract about john and yoko. plus, his name is rentaro because of yoko’s father being a pianist, and rentarō taki is a rlly interesting japanese pianist from the late 19th century. he has one composition of a piece that translates to ‘moon over the ruined castle’, which brought to mind allusions of the moon and the sea, the tides etc, and how yoko’s name written in kanji reads as ‘ocean child’. its a sort of tenuous link but felt associatively fitting in my mind, with john and yoko alternating as the moon and the ocean in their relationship

the get back era leading into the separation is obviously a veryyy tense time for john and paul but particularly moreso because there are these creatures representative of their souls and their true feelings which they can’t entirely control and so continue to give them away. john’s residual affection towards paul is shown by how thisbe still flocks to him as though he’s this safe space, and john really starts to resent thisbe for it, and pulls away from paul even more to compensate for it. meanwhile, paul obviously can see that john isn’t completely unfeeling where he’s concerned, due to thisbe, but (and james puts this in a way i love) it means very little when he’s making the decision to convey a lack of care with his actions over and over. there may be a love at the core of everything but it doesn’t matter if it’s not able to change anything. there’s one particular incident at the end of the get back sessions that contributes veryyy heavily to the distance between the two and particularly pyramus withdrawing from the relationship which i am very excited to eventually write on because it breaks my heart.

anyways! that’s a lot of information i am always extremely happy to talk about this au seeing as its on my brain always. im so pleased as well that you liked the fic and want to know more!! not sure when i’ll be able to work on more instalments in the universe (i have some other projects on my mind too) but it’s one of my favourite things to talk and think about so thanks so much <33

[aconstantstateofbladerunner]

So, there’s a videogames website I used to surf some time ago. It was the early twitter era and the HP games were hot topic on the forums discussions. JKR was then relatively tamed, and their twitter feed was a constant barrage of feminism against old conservative guys… and she was so hated among the users. They called them feminazi, woke, etc. The HP games would receive poor reviews from staff and users alongside and memes ridiculing the franchise were shared in the threads.

I stopped visiting the site gradually, It’s been years since then. Curiosity dragged me back recently and things were so changed. Now the HP games have positive reviews, there’re entire threads mocking the attempts and calls to boicot. Anyone calling bullshit on the franchise is called woke, resented, child molester, etc. JKR is now an unfairly treated author. The general consensus goes about how authors have the right to do what they want with their money and the necessity to separate work and personal opinions.

Thinking about it, it’s not that big surprise. Some Xbox forums saw the raising of alt right on internet after all. But it would be funny if it wasn’t so alarming; how quickly the HP fanbase is shifting to bigotry, conspiracy and far right. While not so long ago those same (proto) groups were online crusading against what now defend and praise.

I can’t say I’m surprised. Folks who are already alt right will back whoever they think is on their side; ei republicans who what to fight “sexual immorality” backing trump the adulterer and (alleged) child molester because he tells them what they want to hear. But I saw political circles, not just fandoms, shift into the alt right over the years, actively supporting causes and ideals that once condemned. But the way they condemned them wasn’t always a matter of the harm they caused, but the intellectual inferiority of bigotry. So once the tides turned, so too did the targets of derision. This isn’t to undermine the specific marginalized groups that are targeted by bigotry, but a factor that allows it to spread is the more general sense of community superiority, which lines of perfectly with fandom toxicity. “We are better than those losers out the outside because we are the enlightened members of the in-group.”

For example, I used to follow the “New Atheist” movement on youtube, because it gave me some comfort and catharsis to see the kind of Christian extremists who were abusing me at the time dunked on. But it was just dunking. The real harm conservative American christians did to women, people of color, and queer people was used as proof that religion was a delusion held by intellectually inferior people. But then those marginalized groups started speaking for themselves and making demands, so the youtube atheists switched gears, and started dunking on the “social justice warriors” as the new delusional idiots that they were so much better than. Because the issue of American christianity was never actually the harm that was being committed, it was about how they were dumb and cringe for believing in something fake. The people who actually believed in stopping harm realized what was going on and left, so all that remained were the increasingly odious voices about how feminism and the gays were way worse than conservative christians and maybe they’re right about everything except the god part. (Though some of those bozos have ���taken the god pill” in the fifteen years since because their belief system is based in perceived superiority and nothing else.)

As for Harry Potter specifically, I’ve never been in the fandom but based on the many interactions I’ve had with fans over the years, I’m not surprised by that shift. It always had an energy shared by all the worst of nerd fandoms: both the sense of superiority that their book/movie/game is one of the best things ever and it’d popular because everyone agrees that it’s great, but also it’s a special nerdy thing that the evil “normies” will belittle and bully them for enjoying because they’re too stupid to appreciate anything more complicated that reality tv. It maps pretty easily onto the facist idea that the in-group is simultaneously the superior order that effortlessly outclasses all others in everything and the poor perpetual victims of the all powerful other constantly out to get them. I’m not saying being in a toxic fandom automatically turns people into fascists, I’m saying that fascists are opportunists and pray on people who feel they have been victimized, and convince them the ones doing the victimizing are their current targets.

JKR herself was a victim of domestic violence, which is a prime recruitment ground used by terfs. That, and she was probably feeling the existential dread of her greatest success being behind her after the mainline HP franchise ended, her newer books weren’t doing well, and she wanted to feel like she was “positively” impacting the world. But that was years ago and she’s speaking her own words at this point. She’ll die remembered as a bigot who squandered the good memories propping up her overhyped franchise and not even her fellow terfs will miss her because they’re so paranoid about trans people, they’ll probably start “transvestigating” her posthumously out of instinct.

[h0dge-p0dge]

whats with all these homophobic homosexuals i keep seeing everywhere who hate pride month and constantly antagonize other queer people for being proud of who they are? quit sucking off the conservatives and touting yourself as "one of the good ones" when you're calling your own community predatory. "b-b-but think of the children!!!" clearly YOU'RE the one who isn't, because I never hear you saying that when trans children are being attacked and murdered. These people are so insecure it's honestly depressing. "I don't want pride month because I just want to be seen as normal!" so apparently being queer isn't something to be celebrated or accepted, and all those decades of queer individuals fighting and dying for their rights meant nothing to you. queer people mean nothing to you. cool. awesome. queer people ARE normal and deserve to be accepted and celebrated, not just tolerated. if you, as a queer person, are embarrassed by other queer people expressing themselves and being comfortable with their identities, you seriously need to work on yourself. as soon as someone doesn't conform to your rigid idea of gender and/or sexuality, you call them "cringe" or "predatory". trans people are valid, neopronoun users are valid, mspec and nonbinary lesbians are valid, multigender people are valid and the thousands of other identities and sexualities i didn't list ARE VALID. queer people are not going to be squeezed into neat little sanitized boxes for your insecure ass. we don't give a shit if we're making the conservatives uncomfortable.

[purple-petrichor]

Asexual Gero Masterpost

Okay so hear me out. I love this series and all of the wacky moments and fun characters within it. And the story of someone trying to find a partner even though they struggle is so, so, so good. And just like many fans, I’m super curious to see how the story will develop, and who Gero will end up with (if anyone). 

But there’s a big point that I’m not sure even the authors are aware of:  Gero is Asexual.

–Evidence below–

The base definition of Asexuality is when a person experiences little to no sexual attraction. This means that even if a person has libido, fantasies, and positive views on intimate relationships, their natural orientation is little to no sexual attraction to any gender. They may be capable of finding people romantically attractive, and may even desire partnership, however, the mechanisms for finding other people “hot” and experiencing desire for them based off of looks and sexual signals simply aren't there. However, due to how strongly society pushes the idea of instant attraction, and the heteronormative world we all live in, this can be extremely difficult to recognize within oneself. Many asexuals say they didn’t realize their orientation for many years because it wasn’t even known as a possible option. 

In line with this, here are many common Asexual traits and experiences that can be seen with Gero:

>>comfort with singleness

In the very first chapter, during a conversation with Bug User, Gero states that he’s not really interested in marriage or partnerships. Despite everyone around him naturally pursuing intimacy (his sister with her girlfriend, Bug User with his fiancee), Gero just…doesn’t. His natural conception of self is to be single. He even states that this is a comfortable thought for him, being ‘easier’. It’s possible the manga seems to imply that we should view this as ‘giving up’, but Gero doesn’t seem otherwise depressed or discouraged in his daily life aside from his job. The idea of being unpartnered isn’t one that feels ‘unfulfilling’ for him. It’s only when Gero is given no choice that he makes the decision to actively seek out a partner.

Of course there are many asexuals who do want romantic relationships, and strongly desire companionship, which is why...

>>basing relationships more on emotional bond and other factors than physical attraction

This emotional outburst is heartbreaking. It’s also very similar to how asexual people tend to talk.

All of these things, all of these ‘desires’ from Gero, all of what he values… are emotional. Not physical. There’s no depiction of sensual actions, not even hugging or kissing. Hell, they’re not even touching in bed! Gero’s face in the imagined scene looks confused, surprised that he’s even there to begin with, rather than the happiness of someone who’s next to their object of desire. 

His natural ‘fantasy’ (if you could call it that) has some random woman essentially act as a placeholder. She doesn’t even have eyes! This is consistent with the fact that many aspec people report finding it difficult to fantasize about people, and if they do, it may occur as vague nebulous scenes, disembodied body parts, or faceless people. A ‘faceless stand-in’ is exactly what Gero is picturing here.

Everything Gero talks about could be provided by a close friend or queer-platonic-partner, not explicitly romantic or sexual in nature. He just wants companionship. He wants someone to care about him. And his way of picturing that doesn’t involve sexual or sensual affection as a base.

>>turning down opportunities

Here we see Gero literally pushing women off of him. Even when someone is offering sex, it appears to have no interest or temptation. There’s no blush on his cheeks. No sense of ‘that’s appealing but not right now’. Instead, his reaction is a brusque and clear refusal. He’s portrayed as somewhat flustered, and is even so upset that after this he immediately walks right into a glass wall. A professional hitman, not noticing a pane of glass? It must have really thrown him off. 

Now, this refusal could be due to awkwardness, or a commitment to professionalism while on the job. Or, it could be that Gero is just truly not interested. And his flustered reaction comes from being forced into close proximity with something that deep down really isn’t comfortable for him.

>>not experiencing sexual attraction This is the big one! Let’s review that one accidental-grab moment:

I CANNOT GET OVER THIS PANEL IT LITERALLY SAYS “RELUCTANT”

HIT EM WITH THAT AGAIN GERO

RELUCTANT

ACCIDENT

NO BIG DEAL

Are those the words of a man who secretly wants to be physical with women?

The world instructs men to brag about and exaggerate their sexual interactions with women. Why? For the sake of ‘cool’ points: to be seen as popular, desirable, masculine. And yet, when Gero touches a woman here, instead of getting an ego-boost, his immediate instinct is to *minimize what’s happening*. All of his thoughts are about how uncomfortable he is, and trying to escape the significance of the situation. Downplay (it’s just the back of my hand), distance (A total accident, no big deal). The word that stands out here is UNWILLING. There’s not any psychological reward in this. Only psychological stress.

And sure, you could make the argument that he’s just inexperienced and self-conscious, but still. This…isn’t the reaction of someone who ‘could’ enjoy it in another circumstance. This is the inner dialogue of a person who is hyper-aware of what the world would say about this situation, and about him, and is immediately turned off, nervous, self-conscious, and negative towards that idea. This lack of reaction from Gero is further highlighted here:

Bro that’s not arousal, that’s awkwardness. He literally turns away a woman flirting and directs her towards another man instead. This isn’t inexperienced fumbling. This is feeling cornered and turning to panic. You don't exactly get any sense that Gero’s enjoying the pictures. Not even a passing comment like ‘nice’ or something.

For asexual people, there can be this weird ‘layered’ viewing of the world sometimes. You’re aware of what narratives the world has, how things work. You know what situations, phrases, and body parts tend to get strong reactions from people. You become hyper-aware of how you’re expected to act, and what actions you’re expected to enjoy, as a person of your assigned gender. Not to mention how certain actions around sex will raise or lower your status in the eyes of others.

And yet, when you realize more and more that your internal reactions are…not according to those pre-established lines….you can get really flustered and nervous. It’s not appreciation that Gero demonstrates here. This is pressure and embarrassment.

He follows the accidental-touch by asking Kinosaki what to do, because maybe he genuinely doesn’t have any internal desire about what to do next. So he defaults to someone with stronger instincts. Just as he ends up doing a second time with the swimsuit pics.

>>feeling like you’re ’broken’ or different from other people

Gero repeatedly seems to set himself aside from ‘normal people’. In his case, his excuse is that he’s ‘too damaged’, traumatized and manipulated since childhood to kill others and view the world through a rotten lens. And while that may be true (and questions about trauma or past experiences are sometimes relevant to asexuals in real life!), that’s hardly enough. Gero feels different, ‘seperate’ from others. “What makes you think I can”? I “could never do that”? There’s some kind of baseline rift that Gero feels; something related to him processing love and partnership differently than the norm. (And sure, within the series’ universe, this is done under the excuse of his hitman-upbringing. But did Gero “avoid love and women”, or was the draw never quite big enough to go after? )

(Side note: technically this has notes of being Aromantic, not Asexual. But in a society which pushes the narrative that both those attractions are the same thing, it’s easy to mistake lack of urge towards one with lack of interest in all. Or, like Gero, you may come to believe you aren’t good at relationships as a whole.)

>>not picking up on signals from others

Yup, Arashiyama was not shy about her feelings for Gero. And she was obviously designed to have looks that strike the audience as “sexy”. So it was a very interesting point of the series when neither her body nor her clothing were commented on in any way. Most notably, they didn’t seem to have any effect on Gero at all. 

Look at that reaction panel: Truly he doesn’t care. We don’t see a ‘blushing but hold it down and ignore it’ reaction; he’s not drawn with any blush at all. Gero is not portrayed as holding anything back around Arashiyama. He just truly doesn't feel any reaction to her signals.

In addition, this:

OH THE GLASSES

OH ITS THE GLASSES YOU’RE MAD ABOUT

SO HE DID HAVE A POINT OF VIEW THAT INCLUDED ALL THIS

SO HE DID SEE THAT 

BUT GERO DOESN’T REACT AT ALL

DOESN’T EVEN BRING IT UP

Honestly I don’t believe women and female bodies have any natural effect on Gero at all at this point, haha, he might be black stripe. That’s the thing about asexuals–we’re not stupid or unable to understand common flirting methods. They just doesn't usually trigger much of a reaction.

>>being confused or out of place in the world

As early as chapter 1, we watch Gero staring at Kinosaki while walking down the street, as they kiss and seduce another man.

One of the most common asexual experiences is a sense of wondering why people act the way they do. Why do people make such silly decisions? Why are they all so intense about sex? What is this hivemind they all share? Many asexuals report believing that people were “faking it” for most of their lives. Either they were broken, or the asexual person had to be. 

This stare from Gero, enough to walk into a wall and break his glasses with the force of it, seems to me like that kind of asexual fascination. A kind of non-understanding, a kind of calculated curiosity about the world. What are they doing? I mean he knows what, but why? Why doesn’t he feel that way- (SMACK)

>>genuinely believing it’s not that important to people

In early chapters, Gero doesn’t seem to grant coupling the same sort of ‘weight’ that others do. He seems to have no instinctual discomfort with ‘missing out’ on common life markers. As shown here, he acknowledges and honors his sister’s relationship. But for himself, he views being single without children as an equally legitimate path in life. Even his younger sister picks up on the unspoken demand–that the family expects them to have children, once they reach marriageable age. But Gero just…doesn’t. Or doesn’t take the possibility seriously. He really seems to assume the world will just relax and accept him being unpartnered. His entire bloodline will die out. And that’s fine, right? After all, it's not like reproducing and seeking intimacy are deep-seated desires in most peoples’ basic instincts, right?

I mean come on. This is basically a common ace joke.

>>assuming you do feel attraction because XYZ

In the absence of strong attraction, it is very common to mistake other feelings in its place. For example, many asexuals spend years assuming they do have sexual feelings for people, when in actuality it was factors such as aesthetic attraction (admiring a person’s looks) or romantic attraction (feeling romantically drawn to a person) all along. People have also reported ‘overanalysis’ of their own reactions–this person is kind to me, and they look nice, and I care about them, so that means I’m madly attracted to them, right?

Here we see Gero fall into the same trap of overanalysis. He felt a rapid heartbeat, and some physical reaction, that must mean this is love, right? Throughout the entire series, Gero seems to be assuming he’s straight because, after all, he gets nervous around women. 

Of course you get nervous, you’re new to social situations, bro. Of course you get nervous, she’s placing expectations on you and you desperately want to meet them. Of course you get nervous, this is a lot of emotion suddenly thrown at you. Of course you get nervous, you’ve been put under pressure to view all women as potential wife material. But is this good-arousal nervousness, or negative-stress-response nervousness? Signs point to the latter.

>>proximity to queerness

This is a more subtle point, but important nonetheless. 

We know that Gero appears supportive of queerness in general. He has a sister who is wlw, and actively supports their relationship. Furthermore, he shows no hate towards Kinosaki for his gender and gender expression, after an initial adjustment period.

It is very common for ace-spec people to feel vaguely aligned with LGBT+ issues, even if they don’t feel like they have “enough” solid evidence to identify as queer themselves. Often ace people report assuming that they were simply a highly-invested supportive ally. It’s possible that Gero is in the same situation–comfortable with queerness, accepting of different ways of life, but because of marginal interest in women and needing to find a partner, he doesn’t recognize the ways in which he himself stands markedly outside the straight norm.

>>But most importantly this date:

DEMI???

DEMI???

MY BOY YOU ARE DEMI!!!

Demisexual. A subset of asexuality. A sexual orientation in which a person cannot feel sexual attraction to others unless a strong emotional bond is formed. Forming an emotional bond is not a guarantee of attraction developing, however, it is necessary for the person to even begin to feel sexual interest in the first place.

This is…I’m still stunned by this scene. Honestly this is the most direct example of a demisexual/demiromantic male character that I’ve ever witnessed, and it may not have even been intentional. I probably couldn’t write something this direct or skilled about it, and I’m close to demi myself!! It’s truly astounding. I remember reading this chapter the first time and my jaw dropped, totally stunned, in recognition. This is how I think. This is how my mind tends to naturally think about relationships. This is almost on-the-nose textbook demisexuality. 

Gero you are demi!! Please realize!!

– – – – – 

So yeah this is what I think. Given all the evidence at hand, and how consistently Gero has been portrayed so far, his actions and tendencies would match being on the asexual spectrum. If it were canon, that would be incredible–these moments alone would make him one of the most stunning examples of a male asexual character in manga, hell, in all of fiction today.

Given the strong similarities, I wonder if the author/artist are possibly aware of this. They do have queer characters in terms of Gero’s sister (and arguably Kinosaki). So there’s a chance they may have heard of asexuality or aromanticism as well. …But also the chances seem low. A mainstream shonen publication? How much more queer content can they push. A battle manga based around romance? Wouldn't help much to make your main character incapable of certain kinds of attraction. And yet…god I wish. The more time goes on and the more chapters stay within these bounds, I keep wondering if there could be a chance.

Anyway each chapter that we’ve seen so far has only reinforced and continued these traits, so. <3 Asexual Gero is canon to me now thanks y’all can jump onboard!

[genderqueerdykes]

i have not met an it/its person irl, but i feel as though id be uncomfortable dehumanizing someone because that same language has been used against me for looking gnc. do you have any thoughts on this?

i'm sorry those things happened to you but yes, my thoughts are: please get over it. you are prioritizing your discomfort over the comfort of someone else- you are prioritizing your discomfort over gendering someone correctly. you are making someone else's correct pronouns about you. those are that person's pronouns. i see this argument used time and time again, and it's up to you to get over that. if someone wants to be referred to by it/its pronouns, you're misgendering them by referring to them as anything but those pronouns.

yes, it's used to dehumanized queer folk, but that doesn't mean you should refuse to gender someone correctly. people reclaim terms used to dehumanize queer people all the time- dykes, fags, trannies and more. some people have faced misgendering by being called an it and want to reclaim it. some people reclaim it/its pronouns for that exact reason; some people are nonhuman and want to be dehumanized. if someone wants to be dehumanized and you forcefully humanize them, you are in fact disrespecting their identity. why would someone tell you to use pronouns for them that they don't like? seriously, come on now, think about this. if someone desperately does not want to be referred to by it/its pronouns, they will tell you.

you're speaking to an it/its person right now. i have been fighting for 4 years now to get people to use it/its pronouns for me, this is deeply upsetting and disappointing to read. please be more considerate of other people's feelings. i don't like the implication that you're willing to misgender me like that. if someone tells you to refer to them a certain way and you refuse, no matter what your reasoning is: you are misgendering them. i'm sorry you've been hurt by those pronouns, but many of us have been hurt by they, she, and he.

you really need to consider why you single out it/its pronouns over they/them pronouns, because right now, they/them pronouns are constantly being weaponized against certain trans people to misgender us in favor of our actual pronouns. i don't use they/them anymore. but i get hit with it all the time. i use it/its only. and i feel a boiling rage when someone uses they/them for me, but i don't refuse to call anyone by their they/them pronouns. that's my baggage to bear, not theirs.

don't force your baggage and trauma on to other people. this is your problem to cope with, not every single it/its user's problem. also you shouldn't have to know an it/its user irl just to respect it/its users. we're real. you're talking to one right now. please take this seriously. don't misgender people on purpose. that's so fucked up.