#this totally happened in my head
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I would find Blondie Lockes very annoying in real life, but I love her in fiction. She's a genuinely good journalist in terms of both skill and ethical integrity, who only occasionally forgets to check the facts because she's fifteen and holds herself accountable when she does. She has incredibly high standards for everything and believes herself to be the ultimate authority on quality. She has magical lockpicking powers because her fairytale is about Goldilocks breaking into a house. She somehow completely ignores the story's moral that Goldilocks was wrong to break into the house, feels entitled to go wherever and help herself to whatever she's able to and cannot comprehend why people dislike this. She's been terrorizing an anthropomorphic bear family with her cheerful disrespect for privacy and is convinced that they love her. She has a non-anthropomorphic pet baby bear. Her motivation is dependence on external approval rooted in deeply internalized classism. She's desperate to be useful and important to those with higher social status and feels the need to lie that her family is technically royalty to fit in with her royal friends, even though they treat commoners like equals all the time. She positions herself as a conduit of true greatness; closer to it than the masses, but never the hero, always reporting on other people and evaluating what they've done. Because what she's done isn't enough to be worthwhile. What she is isn't enough. But this performative lifestyle makes her anxious about being judged as a fraud and an interloper, and ashamed of selfishly transgressing against social norms. Her microphone head looks like an adorable little bear head. That's one hex of a character alright.
#most of the time she's so fun and silly and happy#but every now and then she's like 'yeah i'm totally a princess! basically! don't question it!'#or 'cupid is it wrong that i want to be richer? aren't i pretty much a terrorist if i don't accept the life i'm born into?'#or 'i don't know what to do now that no big events are happening. what is my life without other people making it interesting?'#and then the plot moves on/inspires her to feel better but not stop lying/gives her a big event to get involved in#and i'm like 'GIRL. CAN WE UNPACK THAT?''#i do think shipping her with cupid is poetic as well as just nice and cute#cupid is all about love. if anyone could get it through blondie's head that she unconditionally deserves love attention and validation#no matter what background she's from or how interesting or trendy or 'just right' she or her content is#it would be her#blondie lockes#ever after high#eah
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Thinking about Eddie Munson who was complaining to the rest of the band about his shoulders and neck hurting post show. One of them convinces him to go for a massage.
Eddie shows up day of and is told to strip to level of comfort and get under the sheets laying on his back, his masseuse will knock before coming in. Eddie has not an ounce of care or shame, strips completely naked. Scars and tattoos on full display. He climbs between the sheets and waits. After knocking and hearing a "come in", his masseuse enters and-
The most handsome man he's ever seen walks in. A bit of stubble on his defined jaw, soft pale lips Eddie wants to kiss, big brown eyes Eddie wants to get lost in, slutty little waist and an ass Eddie could-
He introduces himself as Steve. Verifies where Eddie had said his tension was on the form he hastily filled out. Then it starts.
And maybe, maybe, Eddie is a bit touch starved. He could have anyone he wants, but they don't want him just his fame. Pushes them all away. Only gets close to his band, but they all are busy and have their own people outside of work.
And Steve is just touching him. Rubbing smooth circles into his temple, down his cheekbones towards his jaw. Pressing on parts of Eddie's face he didn't even realize were tense. It's relaxing.
And Eddie regrets not leaving at least his boxers on to help hide that he's becoming hard. Kind of embarrassing, which makes his dick harder- which, that's a lot to unpack right now-
"Hey, relax man," Steve says, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder. Eddie can see Steve's eyes dart towards the obvious situation," It's natural. Happens to the best of us." "Does it happen to you?" Eddie blurts out. Eddie wants to shove his face in one of these soft plush pillows and scream, but Steve just snorts a laugh and shakes his head at him. Doesn't even respond as he continues the massage.
Eddie tries to hold back his groans as Steve turns his head to the side and rubs his neck into his shoulders. He can feel the tension leave his body slowly. Feel the knots in his muscles release.
Eddie can't, however, hold back the noise he makes when Steve grabs a hold of his hair and tugs it. Eddie's eyes pop open and he stares into Steve's face, who has started blushing. Steve just clears his throat and let's Eddie's hair go before continuing the massage.
#Steve was just moving his hair and the intrusive thought won over and yanked Eddie's hair towards him#Eddie is waxing poetic in his head has already written a minimum of 3 songs about Steve and is now going to have Steve star in every fantas#Lol yall aren't gonna believe this i paused when typing 'Eddie is' and the suggested was to put 'Eddie is a gay disaster' asdhfdlsl#Anyways this was totally NOT inspired by me getting a massage (I've had many in the past) and this random masseuse grabbed all of my hair i#Their hand and then tugged it towards themselves which...has never happened before and I almost moaned so uh found something out about me#I was just like āOH???oh!ā And then proceeded to melt into the table#That wasn't even the wildest massage experience I had...I've had a few which is why I know I should only stick with one person#Because I trust that masseuse but instead I was like āwell let me try the stones they don't offer hereā and went elsewhere#ANYWAYS I could see this happening to Eddie and went oh yeah...didn't mean to ramble but here ya go#Steve Harrington x Eddie Munson#Eddie Munson x Steve Harrington#Steddie#Steddie drabble#Jade is Talking
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totals ur drama
#shut up. dont say a word. total drama lives in my SOUL but that wasnt how this started.#so i talk abt it privately a bit but im currently Drowning in ideas. ive never had this happen before. i have a backlog of ~25 drawings#and then i thought 'oh maybe it WOULD be fun to build a silver rig! a simple one! like the chihiro DR rig i built!'#and then i SCREAMED INTO THE VOID because i do not have TIME!!!! even a SIMPLE RIG IS MINIMUM A FULL DAYS WORK#but does reason ever stop me??? NO. so i fuckign. DREW THIS AFTER TODAY'S BG SERIES WORK. YKNOW. JUST IN CASE#im smashing my head with ROCKS i am DERANGED. i am CURSED. i do not have TIME FOR THJIS. HES SO CYUTE#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#suntails#oh yea but also im obsessed with total drama and always have been and always will be and have watched the reboot seasons#multiple times each and i have them downloaded just in case and i read the tumblr webcomic total trauma and have for years and and and#gripping ur shoulders. leave. get out of here before i keep yapping
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PLS PLS PLSSSSS keep talking about kids with olympic athletes! gojo and nanami pls pls pls i have to Know. everything u wrote about yuuta was already so so cute
(prev olympics au here)
the gojo twins are hilarious because your baby boy looks exactly like satoru, but has very little of his personalityāit seems like the only things he inherited was satoruās love for sweets and love for you. still, even though heās a strong swimmer, he much prefers to relax in his floaties alongside you if youāre also in the pool, or chill by your side on a lounge chair, glasses too big for his face keeping the sun out of his eyes as he shares his smoothie with you, and asks to borrow your phone to take pictures of his sister and daddy in the pool.Ā
your baby girl on the other handā¦ she might have your face but sheās got satoruās everything elseāhis competitive streak, his confidence, and definitely his mischievous nature. sheās the one who tiptoes into your bedroom at five in the morning, tapping at her daddyās shoulders, and putting her little finger over his lip to shush him before he can wake you up; sheās always the one to convince satoru to take her swimming the backyard at the crack of dawn, and why by the time you and your baby boy wake up, she and satoru are already past warm up laps and swimming lessons and onto who can make the splashiest canonball competitions (she always wins because while her tiny body can endure a belly flop, satoruās years of training physically doesnāt allow him to do itā¦ and maybe because heās not so competitive when it comes to his baby girl, heāll always let her win).Ā
kentoās professional judo career honestly doesnāt last very long. after his first olympic games, you two start dating and he proposes just after he wins gold the second time heās in the olympics; he does maybe two more years of national competitions while youāre pregnant, and decides that the intense training for the next two years in preparation of a third olympic competition isnāt worth missing time he could spend with you or your baby girlāplus, with all the money heās made from competitions, winning gold medals, brand ambassadorships, commercials, and collaborations, he had enough money to provide for all of your for the rest of your lives. so, thatās what he does (his dream has always been to be a househusband, anyway...) his previous salaryman career comes in handy when deciding how to invest his money, how to buy a house, how to take care of his friends, how to set up a fund for your daughter, and an extra account or twoā¦ just incase more babies come alongā¦Ā
by the time your baby girl is four, sheās already kentoās biggest fan. she loudly and proudly proclaims to everybody that her daddy was basically superman and won all the shiny trophies and medals in the house from when he was being a superhero. if anyone recognizes kento when theyāre out together, she always confirms their suspicions, proudly boasting, āyeah kento is my daddy! heās a winner!ā it always makes kentoās heart swell to hear her praise. he doesnāt compete professionally anymore, but he does train from time to time, and has taken on a few mentees, and your daughter LOVES to watch him coach/train. sheās got her own uniform that she always puts on whenever they go to the gym together, and gets so excited when kento or ino or yuuji pretend to spar with her.Ā
sheās honestly kentoās mini figure. sheās respectful and reserved, but strong and knows when to fight and how to use her voice. thereās a time when he gets a call from her school saying that she got in a fight, the principal frames it as your daughter needlessly pushing around an older kid, but your daughter is certain in her words when she tells her dad that it was because the kid was being mean to the younger kids, and to her. kento doesnāt say a word to the teachersādoesnāt even fight them sending her home early for the day, because heās happy to scoop her up and take her out for ice cream and tell her that heās proud of her.
#anonymous#gojo twins r so real to me... one looks like him but does Not act like him and the other one does not look like him but might as well Be Hi#and he loves n smothers them both so much....#kento goes from salaryman to professional athlete to househusband he really does live the dream life LOLLL#see also: kento's baby girl š¤ satoru's baby girl = best friends LOLL#in my head kento and satoru are olympians at the same time/know each other#but yuuji isn't he has his own story/trajectory#which is why he is nanami's mentee in This Universe#actually i think yuuji's kinda exists on his own#and all his friends/his circle are real proud of him when it's all said n done yk#nobara teases him about finally putting his strength to good use megumi is proud in his own way#his grandpa and nanami are obviously proud of him and he comes home w a gold medal#and is basically a hero in his tiny home town#(also time for me to introduce my favorite hc: yuuta and yuuji childhood friends bc they're from the same city)#the narutoism of it all... he comes home w gold and everyone basically tosses him up and down... angel boy :(#megumi kinda exists in the kento/satoru world too i think... nd before him there was toji#wait maybe yuuta and yuuji can exist in the same timeline nd everyones like what r the odds those two kids from sendai are olympians#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#gojo satoru x reader#satoru x reader#nanami kento x reader#kento x reader#think tho in the yuuta/yuuji olympics verse yuuji competes 2 or maybe 3 times (so total of 12 years) nd then quits#not because he's gotten weaker but just because he really did it for the money yk but he's set for life now#honestly he was set after the first time but he just wanted to be sure/you and his grandpa encouraged him to at least do it to have Fun#this time around so he does#but for yuuta this is his Career yk like he loves tennis#he's not in it for the olympics he just likes it and happens to be real good at it#two of them talking about each other in press conferences so cute
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Imagine the Hermits learning ballroom dance.
Imagine Etho being assigned to lead because heās tall & everyone assumes he would.
Imagine him constantly fucking up, stepping on his partnerās feet, missing beats, just a mess.
Imagine Bdubs getting upset from the sidelines.
Imagine him getting blustery about this disaster & stepping in, saying no, no, no, this is all wrong, shooing Ethoās partner away.
Imagine anxiety bubbling up in Ethoās stomach, at having to lead for Bdubs, as he walks over.
Imagine Etho trying to place his hands on Bdubs, mentally preparing for another disaster.
Imagine Bdubs tutting & moving Ethoās hands away, much to Ethoās confusion.
Imagine Bdubs then firmly placing his hand on Ethoās back & grabbing his other hand.
Imagine Bdubs confidently taking over the whole situation.
Imagine Ethoās amazement as Bdubs leads him, and suddenly Ethoās dancing is on beat, smooth, no stepped on feet.
Imagine them elegantly whirling across the floor, everyone else watching them in surprise.
Imagine Bdubs dipping Etho.
Imagine Etho looking at Bdubs face while this happens & feeling his stomach flip at the burn of assurance in Bdubs eyes.
Imagine the song then ending, & them just staying there for a moment, breathing a bit heavy from the exertion.
Imagine Bdubs pulling Etho back up & releasing him & pointed saying that that was how you did it.
Imagine Etho staring at Bdubs, feeling lost & unsure now that Bdubs isnāt there, hand on his back deftly leading him.
Just like. Imagine.
#Ethubs#hermitshipping#Ethoslab#bdoubleo100#etho#Bdubs#Iām sorry to all my girlies who are here for smalletho#but Iāve had this idea in my head FOR MONTHS.#& like. Just because I am smalletho 99% of the time#doesnāt mean I donāt have brain rot for other pairings as well.#I was planning on making a comic or mini fic outta this but#I just donāt see that happening anytime soon#& I cannot keep this to myself.#sends it out into the universe with the hope that someone else sees my vision here#I just. Love the idea of their dynamic getting flipped in certain situations#& also Bdubs would TOTALLY be amazing at ballroom dancing.#Canāt explain why but I really think he would be.
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Barty "love sick" Crouch Jr
I think Barty (before rosekiller) would have been the biggest fucking flirt with everyone but when it came to flirting with Evan he couldn't do it, Barty would get so flustered and he wouldn't be able to say anything in fear of ruining his friendship but Evan was just as love sick over Barty. This is how I imagine it went down.
Barty:"Hey Ev" (has this flirty smile on his face)
Evan: (he would have a flower crown on his head that panda made for him) "Hey Bee whats up mate" (he would have a sweet smile on his face)
Barty: (flustered would zone out just admiring Evans features) "I um do you wanna I mean oh fuck"
Barty runs off down the hall embarassed and would hide in the dorms the rest of the day.
#barty crouch jr#headcanon#the marauders era#evan rosier#marauders#rosekiller#slytherin skittles#i kin this man for a reason#fluff#i miss my bf#this totally happened#this made sense in my head
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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :
-
(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )
#tumblr polls#hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today#still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual#They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully#it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec#fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since#I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm#ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos#or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things#I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming#over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY#I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb#e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about#different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see#stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I#can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone#said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects#the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm
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What did/do you like about Pharah?
Uh, gameplay-wise, I really love characters in shooters who rely on three-dimensional movement techs. Chaining together hover and jump to stay in the air for as long as possible and keep momentum is so satisfying, and picking enemies off from the sky made me feel like a bird of prey. I was a good Pharah main.
Story-wise, there unfortunately isn't much to canonically go off because Pharah is so underutilized and neglected. Her personality's pretty boilerplate "heroic hero" (she's literally inspired by Captain America).
But it's the crumbs/bits and pieces that I really latched onto. Pharah's a confirmed lesbian; her short story with Baptiste implies she harbors a crush on Mercy (fucking thank you.). She's biracial Egyptian/First Nations. She has major mommy issues, having grown up both admiring and resenting Ana. She's the bridge between Old Overwatch, inspired by the idealized heroes who surrounded her childhood, and New Overwatch. She's one of the only inter-generational characters in the cast; someone whose experiences span the gap, which is why I seriously believe Pharah would make a great main character.
There isn't much to go off of, though; she's a very uncomplicated character (she's a soldier for a private military corporation, lol.). But that just means she's a blank slate character, so I've seen fanfic writers run wild and create some really interesting takes on her. My favorite interpretation of her's a dense, herbo gym-bro type (a lot of her liens are about work outs, exercising, and playing sports) who's easily excitable under her seemingly self-serious, armored visage. We see how she tends to gloat and hype herself up when she's on a streak too, so Pharah definitely has a competitive and boastful side under her more professional and militant performance.
Now Mercy? Mercy is a real complex character.
#i was a diehard pharmercy shipper back then btw#the inherent homoerotic experience of pharmercy gameplay.#the homoerotic experience of looking to the skies to fly to safety under the protection of your knight in shining armor#the homoerotic experience of feeling white hot murderous rage at an enemy trying to pick off your pocket mercy#i still kinda despise gency lmao. you cannot convince me mercy would be in love with genji. at all.#he'd make her feel so uncomfortable and guilty. in my head. the canon is obviously different#gency is sexless. absolutely zero bite or tension.#i could go on about mercy and how her character has so much missed potential#i'm no longer in my overwatch fandom phase but#i still think about that new flirty line they added in ow2 where mercy goes āahh you're like my knight in shining armor!ā#and pharah goes āthat's what i'm goin for ;)ā and i sigh dreamily#really happy that pharah outright says she's a lesbian too but it's hard to feel good about rep when you know blizzard uses it for pr#to be honest i'm willing to bet cash that blizzard's keeping pharmercy in their back pocket as ammo for the next controversy#last year we already saw logs about pharah fretting and taking care of mercy and the two talking about how good it is to see each other#tbh pharah has the same energy/demeanor as applejack. cheerful and competitive in a can of whoopass#but yeah overall pharah's a pretty shallow character. i have IDEAS on how i'd go about deepening her but. whatever#that's sorta what happens when you have to juggle a cast of 40 characters. a lot get left with the bare minimum#ok so i wrote this entire post up saying that pharah isn't in ow2's storymode when she is. she's in the story i just. forgot#because she doesn't do or contribute anything interesting#ok i'm stopping here. overwatch's story is such an interesting narrative mess i could go on for hours#i dunno how you come up with such incredible character designs and give them such an unincredible story#it's also so so so interesting seeing the conflicting takes on characters the writers have#mercy in gameplay and voicelines is peppy and cheerful and optimistic#but mercy in the storymode journal logs is tired. jaded. a total shut in who forgets to leave her room and social#and YES! THAT'S WHAT I WANT!!! THAT'S MERCY TO ME!!! THE DOCTOR WHO FORGETS TO TAKE CARE OF HERSELF#ask me#anon
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Listen, I know there are already reasons that Charles has anger issues and is a people pleaser but that doesnāt mean there canāt be more-
In this essay I (as someone with ADHD) will explain why I think Charles ADHD headcanon is so valid. (āS gonna be a lot so itās all under the cut.)
Symptom number one: Irrational Anger
Gonna get the more obvious ones out of the way real quick. Now, listen, Charles has every right to be angry, but his tolerance window for anger seems to be pretty low and Iāll bet anything thatās cause he doesnāt like to be angry. So he just refuses to learn how to cope with it.
ēē¶ę°åäŗćå
«ę¹ē¾äŗŗ (Symptom number two: People Pleasing)
I know their are multiple factors for why heās like this but EVERYONE has multiple factors for why theyāre like that so LET ME HAVE THIS!!! But yeah Charles lives to help his friends and feels useless/worthless when he canāt do that.
SĆntoma nĆŗmero tres: Enmascaramiento (Masking)
Sir āItās squinting.ā Rowland. Weāve seen him pull on a mask and shove down his true emotions SEVERAL times in the show. It happens after the Devlin house when they meet up with Niko, happens on the lighthouse with Crystal, happens when Edwin is trying to confess and Charles mistakes it for Monty.
Symptom Antall Fire: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (Itās the same in Norwegian I guess??)
He did not like it when Edwin kept secrets from him AT ALL. With both Cat King and Monty. He absolutely felt rejected from knowing more about his bestie/being allowed in to help.
Symptom Number Five: Impulsivity (Ran out of funky languages, sorry.)
āShould I grab it? Should I not grab it? I went with grab it?ā *Proceeds to smash it on the ground.*
Symptom Number Six: Stimming
When he twirls his bat or juggles the ball.
Symptom Number Seven: Forgetfulness
āCharles. You have a bag that can hold an infinite number of things.ā
Symptom Number Eight: Lack of Filter
This man. THIS MAN. āOh, yeah. I know weāve known your for, like, an hour or two but Edwin went to capital H Hell btw.ā āOh my god, haha. This song reminds me of that time my dad busted my Walkman lol.ā āMate me and Crystal literally just snogged.ā
#tetris belies itās wisdom upon thee#DBDA#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#ADHD#idk y I decided 2 go down the list of languages Iāve tried and failed 2 learn#but here we are#do not trust my translations btw#srry if sum of the quote r wrong#itās all off the top of my headšš#sum quotes arenāt quotes at ALL bcz I do NOt remember šš#sum have more reasons than others but shhh#if u have any additions pls PLS lmk#begging on my knees hands folded tears in my eyes#coffee woukd not work on him which is y Crystal only offered 2 get Edwin sum btw#thatās totally what happened#source is trust me
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thank you bg3 modding community for my life else i would never have gotten to kiss jaheira with the older butch dwarf i made for exactly that purpose
#bg3#saint marigold#theajaheira#jaheira#althea march#trying very hard to get back into the habit of being just totally self indulgent on tumblr again.#i think this may be hitting a new level#they're truly all that's happening in my head these days. it's quite the way to live
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enough of that though. do you guys think etho and scott are narrative foils? i think so too
#mine#i actually do have an essay in my head for this but its super jumbled so DONT ask. because i wont be able to word it.#its about them being total opposites and yet the same things happen to them. over and over.or something#waves my hands
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*chewing on a ken doll head* wow this pencil can really work miracles huh
#posting this in case I never finish the whole thing#if I donāt Iām proud of what I managed to make#anyway can you believe I was listening to music and a fuse in my brain lit and blew up#cause thatās what happened here#I will only tell you the song if I finish this or if you can lip read Cody#alright goodbye for now#total drama#total drama noah#total drama cody#td noah#td cody#cody anderson#noco#td noco#total drama noco#Starry makes art#starrys head pops and deflates at yet another Noco idea enters his head
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Guys for the record I don't even care that Danny gingerly kissed Sam's neck and Sam leaned back slutastically when Danny moved away and then Danny like so harshly covered his eyes and Sam just kept on truckin with his mouth hanging open. I don't care at all even a little bit. Unrelated but has anyone else's eye been twitching for several days
#its a completely normal thing to happen#and its totally fine#the banging youre hearing rn isnt my head slamming into the wall wdym?#sanny#shut up karou
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itās the sound that tips him off.
itās late, half-past hell by his last count, and mactavish knows there shouldnāt be a single soul in the showers this time of night. though heās sure if he asked, heād be told a soul isnāt in there.
just a ghost.
he almost chokes on the thick steam filling the locker room; humid and hazy and the perfect cover. or it would be, if the man collapsed in the far stall cared about hiding.
mactavish hates himself a little for the low sigh that falls from his lips. he wishes he wasn't so disappointed; that the promises he's heard over and over and watched be broken as many times hadn't wedged their way into his heart and convinced him that maybe, maybe this could be the time it sticks.
he doesn't know what's worse; the disappointment or the lack of surprise.
he holds his breath through the steam and leans over the limp body; stinging hot water hitting his back, instantly soaking through his clothes and already starting to burn. he flicks the tap enough to take the bulk of the heat out and straightens; a groan startling out of the man beneath him at the sudden lash of tepid water.
mactavish crouches, knees clicking and hooks a hand under his bicep to pull him up straight against the wall. if there was any vomit on his skin, it's been washed away by the pelting stream and he supposes he can count himself lucky for that. he tilts his limp head back and slips his fingers into his mouth; holding down his tongue and ignores the way it lazily jolts under his fingers to check his airway.
clear.
another small victory.
mactavish pulls his fingers out and cups his chin, keeping him tilted up and moves in the way of the water again so he can pull at his eyelid.
the eye he's met with is cloudy, so dilated there's hardly a ring of blue left.
he sighs again; hand falling away and letting his eye fall shut. "god damnit, riley."
riley moans, all his weight resting on the hand holding his jaw.
"aye, 'm talking ābout you," he grunts tiredly.
he lets riley's head fall forward to grab his arm, pulling him away from the wall to sit behind him; propping his body up against his chest. he leans his head back over his shoulder, keeping his face out of the water and his airway open just in case he hasn't actually finished throwing up.
he takes the rag riley'd half-managed to soap up and mechanically runs it over him; cataloguing new bruises and cuts and checking if the old ones are healing. sickly yellow fingerprints ring his hips, red splotches paint his ribs; too new to have settled into the deep purple he knows theyāll become.
riley slowly makes more noise as he rubs life into his body; still lying limp against his front but his head's starting to roll restlessly on his shoulder. he swipes between his legs and carefully doesn't think a single thing about what he finds.
"sean?" he rasps and mactavish's hand stills; eyes falling shut. he bites his check, hand clenching around the rag tight enough to shake and breathes hard out his nose.
he doesn't say a word, just forces himself to go back to cleaning.
he's not sure what would come out of his mouth if he did.
riley isn't conscious enough to hear him anyway.
he runs his fingers over his inner elbows for tracks and manages to muster some relief when he doesn't find any. seems to be a pill and booze night; far from the worst condition he's found him in.
he rinses him off, running a curtesy hand over his shaved head only for it to fall back to his jaw; his thumb stroking over the thick scar carved into his cheek.
"you gotta stop doin' this," he whispers.
he isnāt sure if heās talking to riley or himself.
mactavish gathers up riley's too-light body into his arms and turns off the shower. his head lolls into his throat and he throws a towel over his dripping body and another over his shoulder. it doesn't stop him from tracking water all the way to his quarters but he'd like to see someone try to put in a complaint about it.
he lays out the other towel on the bed and sets riley down; moving his body into the recovery position in an all-too familiar routine. he dries him enough that he won't soak the covers as he pulls them up to his chest and kicks the waste bin within grabbing distance of the bed.
he goes to pull off his sodden clothes when a different noise makes him freeze.
a low sniffle.
mactavish slowly turns back to the bed to find riley's eyes squinting open; glazed with tears as he kneads at the covers.
he stares at him for a moment as he looks around the room and those hazy eyes lock on him for the first time. "cap'n?"
he swallows. "aye; s'just me, riley."
his hand pokes out from under the covers and for all the promises he's made himself - all the ānever againās and āthis is the last timeās - at the end of the day, he's weak.
he sits on the side of the bed and takes riley's hand in his; already so cold after nearly boiling himself alive.
"y' mad a' me?" he sniffs.
mactavish runs his tongue over his lip and slowly shakes his head. "no, i'm not mad at you."
"prom'se?" he pushes.
he reaches out and caresses his temple with his thumb. his hand almost covers his head and it cuts like a knife to remember just how small riley is. "aye," he says, hushed. "i promise."
riley's eyes fall shut, voicelessly murmuring 'promiseā to himself over and over.
"Iāll geā bett'r," he slurs and between one breath and the next, he's out.
mactavish sighs, running his hand in a final pass over his head and stares at a face that looks so much younger in sleep; bruised and sallow skin hidden in the shadows. "i know you will."
he presses a slow kiss to his forehead, shutting his eyes against the grief that wells in his heart and gets up to pull a chair over to the bed; settling in for another long night's vigil of watching his broken lieutenant sleep, ready to tilt him over if he throws up, eyes locked on the slow rise and fall of his chest fearing tonight may finally be the time it stops.
#drug use#tw drugs#guess whos back on her 09 shit#its me bb!!!#anyway 09 ghost whoās just completely messy#if heās not on an op then heās at clubs drinking & taking anything he can get his hands on#mactavish knows what he gets up to and hates it#hates watching him destroy himself stumbling back to base with no memory of what - or who - heās done#hates seeing him prod at bruises knowing he has no idea where they came from#mactavish is more pissed that whoever riley was with just left him like that and that riley is totally fine with it happening#more than once he's found him almost od'ing half passed out in his room or the showers#and every time riley will slur out apologies and promises mactavish knows better to believe#riley knows how much it hurts mactavish to see him like this but its just so painful to live in his head#he canāt help but try and get out of it the only way he knows how#this is pre relationship btw just to make it all hurt a little more#ghost never remembers how he ends up back in his own bed after a bender#the whole point of them is to forget#heāll end up missing days at a time and never question what happened to him in the meantime#if he thinks hard enough sometimes he can pick up flashes of a familiar voice rasping in his ear and big hands moving his body#but itās hard for him to believe theyāre anymore than drug induced hallucinations of what he really wants#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#talk to me ghost#weāre a team. ghost team#09 soapghost#09 ghoap#soapghost#john soap mactavish#soap cod#simon ghost riley#ghost cod
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sorry but I'm so terribly endeared when I see someone clearly having stumbled upon my blog for the first time just scrolling through and liking/reblogging everything they see. bcs like.... when are we getting married???
#love anytime it happens#I've heard of people being annoyed by spam liking#and that concept totally goes over my head#it's not spam!!! spam is unwanted#while your attention is very much wanted#dee rambles
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started reading the lymond chronicles and I truly have no idea whatās going on but I do like the funny words this guy is speaking to me
#me#the lymond chronicles#game of kings#this is very sincerely not a bit: I have no idea whatās happening plot-wise#all I have are names and the vibes#Jonathan crouch. is important. for some reason#and also Francis came to attack richard w his mercenaries but then richards buddy/ally Tom pulled up to help him#and somehow the outcome of that was Francis? getting bonked on the head and going temporary amnesia#meanwhile Will has disappeared from the story atm but Tom reported on his being with Francis to willās dad#but he didnāt report on whether or not they like. actually fought a battle? did Will get hurt in the battle? was there a battle?#maybe Francis just got whacked with a brick and everyone else was like āwhelpā and called it a day#the actual historical stuff Iām totally on top of bc of my childhood Tudor-era British history obsession#but the characters specific to the books are befuddling me
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