#this took less than 20 hrs

[uzurimisery]

the space between two bodies. / satosugu x reader / (part 2)

Warnings: MDNI, smut, happy ending, DP, unprotected sex, hints of baby trapping, squirting, praise kink if you squint, still some unhealthy dynamics bc thats what a relationship with the two of them would be, use of ‘girl’, a hint of objectification, no sorcery au, unedited

wc: 9k

part one

Two painfully slow and tense weeks dragged on. Each day you spent doing your best to avoid Suguru, and Satoru who had just come back to town from a shoot. Every time you locked eyes with one of them it felt like the walls were closing in. 

But there are traditions you can’t weasel out of and so, like clockwork, the biweekly get-together your friend groups had for years will happen. Suguru, Satoru, Utahime, Kento, Shoko, and you, sometimes a few extra people or dates, would crowd around a table of some izakaya in between all of you. There’d be too many beer glasses on the table, but another round would be ordered anyway. 

You used to laugh until your sides hurt, sharp cramps from overuse, push the limits of intoxication and your aging body. Couldn’t drink like you were 20 anymore, but you could sure as hell try. 

Simpler back then. 

Being young. 

Things were easier, so less complicated. You were entangled in a web of responsibilities, bills, and regrets that pockmarked your life. 

Shoko slammed her pint glass on the table. “Anyhow have you guys been? Feel like I haven’t seen anymore in 80 years.” Her smile was normally so infectious, the bags under her eyes endearing. Too many late nights and endless shifts at the hospital made them a permanent feature. 

“I’m okay,” you replied too quickly, voice wobbling slightly. 

Suguru’s gaze fell on you immediately. Sharp and heavy, like he was peeling back the lie. His eyes were too much, too painful. You shift uncomfortably in your seat, but he says nothing. Just let the weight of his stare speak for him.

“Just okay?” Now Satoru’s eyes flicked over to you, his normal lighthearted expression gone. 

A specimen under observation. You were under the microscope, both of them dissecting you, searching for answers you weren’t ready to give.

You forced a shrug and a weak, unconvincing, laugh. “Yeah, just okay.” The all too familiar lump formed in your throat again. “Still job hunting, still freeloading off these two in the meantime.” It felt wrong to joke, swallow, and brittle. 

Your shoulder shook, trying to sell it, but Satoru’s eyes couldn’t be fooled. 

“I think the board members at Shibuya General are hiring for an admin. Want me to put in a good word? The HR guy likes me,” Shoko offered. Always trying got be so helpful, so genuine. 

Utahim snorted, smushing her face against her girlfriend’s arm. “That’s because he wants to fuck you.” 

“Not true.” 

“He texts you toomuch for a guy who just wants to be friends.” 

“Well last I knew I’m still a lesbian.”

You cut through the lover’s quarrel. “I thought you were still at the University of Tokyo?” 

“No, I moved to Shibuya General about two months ago.” Her tone was casual but it made you wince. 

“Oh, yeah!” you scramble to try and cover up your blunder. “Sorry, I knew that. I guess the beer’s getting to me more than usual.” The smile you give is half-hearted and forced.

Satoru took the opportunity to turn the conversation towards himself, regaling the group about his latest project. 

You stared at your beer, tuning out the chatter around you. The carbonation inside the class fizzed softly. Each little bubble rose to the surface before popping. They were so small, so insignificant. Guess that’s like society. Insignificant people all clamoring over each other, doing nothing really, but adding to something in the end.

Maybe that's all you were, a little bubble in the sea of society, drifting along with everyone else. The collective group matters, but on the individual level they didn’t. You didn’t. Maybe you never had. Maybe you were just another fleeting presence. Born to fade into the background of someone else’s grander, more important life. 

It’s what you deserved. All that greed in your heart. The quiet pain and dissatisfaction gnawing on your bones every single day. Everything you wanted just fucking unreachable goals, and you wanted it all but everything shimmered and gleamed just out of reach like a mirage. 

Your nails dug deep into the flesh of your palms, cutting the skin. 

Satoru’s laugh rang in your ears, echoing on and on. It hammered in your skull with every chuckle. Mocking you, throwing everything you’ve ever told yourself back in your face. Every lie you’ve told. Every way you’ve wronged him. It grew louder and louder, pressure building in your skull. 

You slammed your hands on the table, glasses knocking into each other, the wood shuddering from the force. Everyone stopped, staring at you as you pushed the chair back. 

“I’m gonna do smoke,” the words are barely audible as you stumble out of your seat and make for the back door, their gazes heavy on your back.

The door slammed shut behind you. Panic clawed at your throat, a bitter acrid taste clinging to your tongue. Your throat felt clogged, the lump growing bigger, chest tightening like a boa constrictor coiling around its prey.  

Hands shaking, you reach into your shoulder bag, fumbling to pull out the half-empty pack of menthol cigarettes. You had quit smoking four years ago but you were back at it now. The icy taste is a fleeting distraction, a brief reprieve from the reality around you. At least they tasted better than the regular filter ones. 

As you sparked up your lighter and took the first drag, the burn seared your throat.  Familiar pain echoing the mess inside you. The smoke circled in your lungs, searing as it went. A cough snuck out before you took another drag, dropping into a crouch. Your weight in your heels as you rest your head against your knees. 

“Why can’t you be normal about things?” you whisper to yourself. 

It was always the same. People, feelings, places, everything-- all you had to do was the right thing and you kept fucking it up.

How many more times could you fuck things up before everyone turns their back on you? How long was the end of the rope you were so desperately clinging to? If you let go, would it end it all? Would the rope wrap around your neck and put you down like the dog you were?

“Get your shit together.” You mutter to yourself, cigarette pulled to your lips, voice hoarse and raw. You took another drag, the smoke stinging your eyes as it hung in the air. 

“You just gotta get through tonight…” 

And then the night after that. 

And after that. 

And all the never-ending nights that came stretching into the horizon. An unbroken chain of sleepless hours testing your resolve to be a person. All of them blurring together in a haze of regret and longing, each passing moment a reminder of everything you were trying to escape.

“So what’s really wrong?” 

It was Shoko, leaning casually against the wall. The shoulder of her cream jacket picked up the dirt of the building. She pulled a cigarette out of her own pack, reds as she always smoked, and lit it. 

“Nothing,” you replied, but your voice cracked, thick with phlegm, and weighed down by self-hatred. Tears threatened to spill as you stared at the ground, unable to meet her eye.

“That’s bullshit, and we both know it,” she shot back, exhaling away from you. The accusation stung, but there was warmth in her tone. 

“I fucked up Shoko. I fucked up.” 

The confession hit heavy. It shattered the glass, broke the dam holding back your emotions. The tears finally fall as you look up at her, vulnerable and afraid.

Concern washed over her face as she crouched down next to you, a silent offer of comfort. “What’d you do?” 

You shook your head, shame squeezing your heart, beating it like a drum. “I can’t tell you or you’ll hate me.”

“Doll face, I could never hate you,” she spoke softly, stubbing her cigarette out against the asphalt, her focus now purely on her. One of her hands, warm compared to the night air, reached out to cup your chin. Gently, she compelled you to meet her eyes, to keep your own on her.

The floodgates being this open felt like you were drawing in your misery. But in Shoko’s eyes, you found no judgment, only empathy and love. It made the deep, aching wounds of solitude and loneliness you bear bleed again, cutting through the scar tissue to stitch them up again so they'd heal properly.

“I slept with Suguru.” it came out as a broken sob, bursting out of your chest, each word cutting like glass against the balms of your hand after punching your mirror. Betrayal, guilt, confusion, and greed all pour out in a single gut-wrenching truth.

Her eyes widened at first, surprised by the admission before they softened.

She didn’t pull away, she stayed close, thumb brushing over your cheek repetitively and soothingly. Shoko didn’t speak for a moment, just let your admission hang in the air, the gears turning in her head.

“You… you slept with Suguru?” She spoke as if she was weighing the words, chewing through them, trying to understand the depth of what had transpired, trying to understand how it had happened.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” you choked out, voice trembling. “It was a mistake. I was angry, I wasn’t thinking, and I just… I fucked up everything.” 

Shoko’s silence said more than words ever could. You could tell she was holding back from asking you a thousand questions. But there was one she had to ask.

“Does Satoru know?” 

You shook your head, the motion barely noticeable. 

“No. I-I don't know how to tell him, or if I should.” you sniffled gaze drifting off “Sometimes I think it’d be better if I just disappeared.”

“Hey,” she moved closer, hand dropping to squeeze your own, trying to anchor you to the present and remind you that you weren’t alone. “You can’t just disappear. I don’t know how, but things will work out okay. And I won’t tell anyone, but you need to tell Satoru, both of you do.” She was firm but her voice had a compassionate edge, trying to gently nudge you to face the reality you were so desperately trying to run from “I think it’ll turn out better than you think. They both love you.”

“Okay.” You whispered, voice barely audible. So small. So fragile.

Shoko smiled like you were a little kid seeking comfort from a scrapped knee “Good.” She wrapped her arms around you tight, making you sob again, tears quickly dampening her shirt.

Shoko held you like this for some time, just letting you cry. Her hand rubbing circles on your back. She didn't rush you, try to stop you from crying. She just held you. 

After what felt like an eternity you had cried all you could cry, eyes puffy now. You felt so drained, so exhausted, but better overall. A bit lighter. The weight of it all is now shared with someone else. 

Shoko finally pulled back, resting on her heels. 

“It’ll be alright. Just gotta take it one step at a time.”

For the first time in forever, it felt like you could breathe a little bit easier.

“I can’t go back there tonight, Shoko, please… can I stay with you?”

“Of course, you can”

It’s easy passing it off as a girls' night when you’ve gone inside to collect her things and Utahime. No one questioned it, though Satoru did raise a brow in suspicion but chose not to comment. At least you’d have this one night to just ignore it all. 

───※ ·❆· ※──��

“Sometimes I feel like you create so much space between us,” Satoru speaks from over on your bed. It’s one of his rare days off and he’s taken to hanging out in your room while you applied for jobs. 

Normally him being in here would be comforting, a nice presence to get you through the mundane clog of applications. But it’s not anymore. It just makes you feel guilty. 

You look over at him, long limbs spread out over your duvet. Pausing your typing you speak for the first time in 30 minutes. “What do you mean?”

He sighs, rolling over and propping himself up on his elbows to meet your eyes. “You create space between us. Randomly. Put up a barrier and keep me out, like you're purposefully hiding from me.”

Your eyes dart back to the screen. 

“It’s not intentional,” you murmur. “I just… there’s a lot on my mind.” 

“I get that, but you can talk to me about it. I’m always here for you.” 

Hiding things from him was the worst. 

“I… there’s just some stuff-” 

Satoru pats the bed next to him, sitting up crisscross.  “Sit and talk.”

You hesitate for a moment, the decision swinging in the air like a pendulum, before you stand and go to sit next to him. There’s an attempt to take a deep breath before you start, to remember everything Shoko had said. 

“I need to keep you something, and I don’t know if it’ll change how you think about me.”

His warm, soft hands reach out to hold your own. Countless manicures kept them baby-smooth.

“Whatever it is I’m here.”

You looked down at your entwined fingers, the guilt rattling around you once again. “Suguru and I had sex.” his grip tightened “Not full on, but oral. It-it was a mistake and I’m sorry. I understand if you want to kick me out. I’ll leave, and you never have to see me again. I just couldn’t keep pretending like things were fine and I know now you probably hate me and want me gone. But I just--”

You were cut off by his lips crashing against yours. His lips followed yours as you tried to pull away confused. Satoru’s kiss was urgent, needy, and oppressive almost as if he kept you in tow. He grabs your waist, fingering and digging into the fat, squeezing so tightly. It felt like he was anchoring himself to you, refusing to let you do. Blindingly white teeth bit down into your bottom lip, begging you to let him in. 

You could never say no to him, you were always so weak to his charm. So you let him in. 

His tongue was warm and wet in your mouth as he brushed it over yours. You respond in turn, letting him decide the kiss. Sartoru’s free hand untangles from your own and goes to the back of your neck, half in your hair. He tilts your head back, leaning forward on his knees to deepen the kiss. The hand on your waist somehow squeezed tighter, thumb rubbing against the ribbed fabric of your tank top. 

When he pulled away, a small strand of spit connecting the two of you, his eyes were wild with fear and possession. 

“Don’t,” his eyes searched yours with an intensity you had never seen before. “Don’t say you’ll leave, don’t ever say that again.” 

You were panting, confused, failing to understand what just happened. “I’m sorry?” It's whispers as you catch your breath. “I just thought you’d want me gone.”

He tilts your head to the side and kisses the length of your neck. “You don’t get to leave me.” The words as muffled as he places a kiss between each one. 

Satoru bristles and pushes you back into the bed. Climbing on top of you, he cages you under him and pins your wrists together in his hand above your head. His eyes a wild, pupils fully blown out and it scared you.  He’s crying now. One of the tears hit your face and he wipes it off, so gently and sweet, with his free hand before collapsing on top of you. 

His body wraps around your own, his face tucked into your neck. He’s shaking slightly. As if the thought of losing you really brought him to this point. That you actually leaving would break him. 

You wiggle your hands free and hug him, rubbing up and down his back as you do. 

Notoriously, Satoru was not good with people he cared about leaving. Be it for work trips or temporarily, he didn’t do well with people not being accessible to him. He was filled with a desperate need to keep the people he cared about exactly where he wanted them. It was to the point he’d forsake his own well-being, his own feelings, for the sake of it. 

You feel the vibrations against your skin before you can process what he said. 

“I can’t lose you.” 

“Satoru,” you try to pull away but his grip is too tight. “I slept with your fiance and you want me to stay?” 

He nods, hair tickling your chin. “It’s okay if it's you.” 

“You can’t just be fine with that doe the sake of keeping me around. What about your relationship?” 

When he finally pulls out of your neck, his eyes still hold that same intensity. “Sleep with me too.” He hovers over you, noses nearly touching. 

“I can't just-”

“Do you think he didn’t tell me?” he bends down and kisses you again. “We reached an agreement a long time ago. So fuck him, fuck me, fuck both of us I don’t care. What will it take to keep you here? I’ll give you anything, everything you want.” 

“Satoru-”

“Don’t try and tell me it’s not okay. You’re not leaving. The three of us, Suguru, you, and me, we stay together. We’re better together.” He shouts the first word and you wince. 

“You’re scaring me.” 

That snaps him out of it. 

He clamors off of you, leaping across the room. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he rushes back over as you sit up collapsing on his knees in front of the bed his head resting on your thighs. “Don’t leave please I’m sorry.” 

“Satoru calm down—“

He rambles into the skin of your thighs, hands grabbing your own. “It’s okay, he told me the night it happened. I wasn’t mad, I’m not mad. I was a little jealous but because I wasn’t there too. I told him that we needed to talk to you about it first but he told me we needed to wait because you weren’t doing well and then he goes and does this.”

“Satoru,” you’re stern with him now. “Calm down.”

Satoru was an anxious individual under all the bravado. It’s been years since he had a moment like this. Normally the medication he’s on prevented it from getting it this point.

It took a few minutes, you pulled him onto the bed with you and made him lie down before he was calm enough to talk again.  He’s lying on his side, mirroring you, his feet dangling off the bed.

“One day I realized I understood why he felt that way towards you and that day I started feeling the same.”

“Are you saying you’re in love with me too?”

He nodded

“Since when?”

“I can’t pinpoint when. There was the trip to Vietnam. It was raining, but you didn’t care though. You ran out from the umbrella and danced around, jumping, and smiling. It had been the first time in what felt like ever that I had seen you so carefree and happy that I ran out after you. I think that that's when things really started to change for me, start to blur the lines between romantic and platonic. But I knew for certain when Haruki cheated on you I was already in love with you by then. I was so mad. At him for doing that to you, and at myself for thinking how much better I could treat you.”

He reaches out and strokes the face of your face.

“Suguru and I used to argue about this when we both realized how we felt towards you as individuals and then as a couple. He was against saying anything. Leaving things just the way they were. No point in trying to fix what isn’t broken and risk our relationship. I had always thought it’d be me that cracked first. Tell you all the grimy little details of how sickly in love with you I am. It was like a bet with myself, not telling you, especially when we were both sure you felt the same way. Neither one of us wanted to pressure you into anything thought, especially because you live with us.”

“Jesus,” you looked up, LEDs blinding as you blinked back tears “So that's what he meant when he said you wouldn’t mind.” 

“It’s our fault,” He pulled you towards him, your face resting against his chest “We should have told you about this before. I’m sorry.” He kisses the top of your head, voice thick with emotion as he starts crying with you. 

The two of you were always in sync like that. If one of you cried the other was right behind. It’s why Suguru hated watching romcoms with the both of you. At the end of the Notebook, you both had worked yourselves up so much that the two of you fell asleep on the couch cuddled up together.

A choked sob wracked your body “I’m sorry. I love you too, and I love Suguru.” The words were more of a whine as you cried “I’m sorry for being greedy.”

Satoru’s own tears picked up in time with yours “You’re not greedy.” his voice trembling “If you’re greedy I’m greedy.”

You clung to him, feeling warm in his embrace. Feeling almost whole again “I just don’t want to hurt anyone. I’m such a mess.” You were quiet as you spoke, the fear that's been eating you up slipping out. 

You were so scared of fucking things up between all of you more than you had already fucked it up. Everything you touched felt like you broke and you didn't want to break them too. They were so pristine and perfect without you there. Maybe you’d only ruin things, stain them, muttle them unrecognizable. You could have ruined things for them already. 

He held you tighter as if he was trying to blend the two of you together.

“I’m so scared of ruining everything and losing you both.” you sob out.

Satoru gently shifted the two of you so he could place a chaste kiss against your lips.

“You could never ruin anything.” his breath was warm against your skin.

“I feel like I have.” 

“You are the most wonderful person I have ever met. If there want anything ruined by you, it was meant to be broken. Jsu because somethings broken doesn’t mean it doesn’t have beauty, or value, or isn’t deserving of love.”

This time you took the initiative and kissed him again, his lips soft against yours. It was tender, filled with all the love that was between the two of you. Quiet. Peaceful. Serene. 

───※ ·❆· ※───

Since Suguru was still out at the office, dealing with a client, Satoru and you took to making dinner for the three of you. A simple katsu curry and rice with some vegetables. It’s simple, not overly complex, but it feels routine to make. Nothing too deviant. As you were cooking, Satoru and you intermittently cried and stole kisses. Gentle touches on the arms arm or side, nothing that hadn’t happened between the two of you before. Satoru had always been touchy but now they carried so much more weight. So much more meaning, each passing brush of his fingers against the expanse of your skin singing praises. 

You sliced the vegetables carefully, occasionally glancing at Satoru as he worked on the curry. His hands stirred the sauce with practiced ease. It was always surprising to learn he was the one who did the majority of the cooking as he was a picky eater. You could almost be offended that he looks so beautiful stirring sauce.

Every so often he’d pause, look at you, and give a small reassuring smile. It made you feel lighter. As if he was telling you everything was going to be okay. 

You sidled up next to him to sauté the vegetables and Satoru turned the heat for curry to low, letting it shimmer. He comes up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, and rests his chin on your shoulder. His arms make you feel secure and stable. 

“This just feels right,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss against your cheek, urging you to lean back in his embrace. You do so willingly, letting yourself sink into the warmth and comfort he offered. 

“It does,” you agreed. He was right. 

It felt like coming home after a long shift, feet aching and joints creaking and climbing into a warm bath that soothes your aches and pains. Like the sudden realization of happiness, that everything was going to be okay. Like driving down the road in the summer, the windows down as the sun starts to set, music blaring on the radio, and everyone singing along. There was no awkward moment of overthinking how things were or would be, but just living in the moment and accepting things as they came to you overthinking and drowning in your thoughts. 

You could sit here and stress about what you’ve done, why you’ve done it, and how that would change the future. Spiral into a mess of anxiety and regret. Or you could live in the moment.

Let go of the need for control that you so desperately craved, and ran after. And just let yourself float. Let yourself be cared for this time.

Wrapped up in Satoru, with him placing soft kisses on your neck, neither of you noticed the door quietly closing. You didn’t hear Sugur slide off his shoes, exchanging them for house slippers, or as he padded into the kitchen. He stood there, watching on for a moment. Seeing how entangled the two of you were, the way you filled How Satoru placed small kisses to your neck that made you giggle. How the two of you blended together.

You had always brought out the best in Satoru, parts of him that would go head to head with Suguru’s own stubborn nature. Always bring out the best in him too.

“What happened while I was at work today?” his voice made you jump, breaking through the moment, and making you drop the spatula from your hand. It clattered against the counter.

“Hey Suguru,” your voice was soft, warm as if the sound of it could pull him into the comfort as well. 

Satoru let go of your waist and turned to face Suguru, smiling widely as he saw him. “Welcome home.”

There’s something in Satoru’s casual nature, how he said it like nothing changed between you all. 

The three of you stood there for a long moment, still, silent. Painful longing, the desire to have always had things be so straightforward between the three of you. You felt frozen, unsure how to act, unsure what he was feeling. The curry simmering on the stove was the only noise in the room. 

And then, Suguru’s face crumpled, and tears began to spill from his eyes. Satoru rushed to his side first, with you not far behind him, wrapping his arms around him. 

Suguru’s shoulders shook with the force of his sobs as the two of you wrapped around him, sandwiching him in the space between your bodies. You were only a step behind, your own arms reaching around him. 

“We’re here Suguru,” Satoru expressed “We’re right here.”

Suguru buried his face in Satoru’s shoulder, his hand clutching the front of your shirt as if he was afraid to let go.

“I was so scared” he choked out between sobs. “Fuck, I was so scared.”

You gently stroke Suguru’s back, your own tears wetting his shirt, your cheek pressed to his shoulder “I’m sorry.” The apology felt like too little, both right and wrong. 

“I thought I was going to lose you both.” his voice cracks on the confession. 

“You’re not going to lose us,” Satoru reassures him, kissing his forehead. “ We’re not going anywhere.”

The three of you stayed like that for a moment, all wrapped in each other’s arms. Letting the emotions, the tension, and the resolution wash over. Eventually, the tears started to subside and the three of you agreed to talk after eating and somehow things felt normal again. You all fall into the rhythm you’ve followed for years. Suguru talks about his projects while Satoru talks about an upcoming campaign. 

They’re still as careful as they’d normally be when it comes to talking about your affairs. But they pushed more to know how your art was going. Since you’ve been unemployed it's been something you’ve been working more on.

It should be strange, you thought, that there is no overwhelming pressure between the three of you. If anything this is the lightest your friendships have felt in years. Maybe things really were always meant to work out this way. Shoko used to say the only person who could stand to be with the two of them, even platonically for long stretches, was yourself. That you just seamlessly fit them. 

“I just… I don’t want to feel like a secondary attachment to the both of you.” you’re holding a mug filled with hot green tea, watching the steam rise from it. Dinner’s long since been finished but you’re all still around the table. 

Satoru doesn’t hesitate. “Why would you be one? You’ve never been one before.” His voice is as casual as ever, but there’s a firm undercurrent. As if his word is law. 

Before you can protest, Suguru chimes in. “He’s right. It’s always been the three of us.” 

“I feel like one.” you shift in your seat awkwardly, insecurities prickling your skin. 

“The person who could be between us is you.” Suguru doesn’t miss a beat. There’s no room for doubt with the way he says it. It’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

You let out a small, nervous laugh. “I don’t want to fuck this up. You guys have been together for years… you’re literally engaged.” 

Satoru delicately grabs your hand, the engagement ring cool against your skin. “There’s no fucking this up.” He looks to Suguru to add on. 

“I’m more worried I’ll fuck it up given my track record so far.” Self-deprecation laces his tone, but there’s sincerity there too. “But we’ll figure it out. Take it slow.” 

You smile a little at that. The nerves won't go away anytime soon, they churn in your stomach. Hearing both of them say it, both of them so willing to figure out the absolute mess you’ve found yourselves in together, made it a bit easier to breathe. 

“Sure. That sounds good.”

───※ ·❆· ※───

A month passes by. Leaves change, and the winds get colder, but you’re filled with a warm sappy feeling. Like syrup in your veins it runs thick and sticky. But at the same time, it’s as if nothing changes. There’s no dramatic queue that signals you all to change your actions. Yet somehow, somewhere, things snap into place violently. Colliding with each other like asteroids, you wake up and feel it in your bones. 

It feels like either man’s lips were destined to crash into the mantle of your skin every minute of the day. 

Both were so hesitant at the start, afraid to scare you off like wild fauna. Afraid to delve into too deep of waters too early into something so fragile. They treated it like Tiffany blow glass. You were held so tightly by them. Seen so wholly. 

Satoru had been the most overt with his physical affection. It was easy for him to pull you into his lap while you watched TV, his solid chest behind you. He tucked you into the nooks and crannies of his body, affection spilling out of him both verbal and nonverbal.

But it had really been Suguru who changed the most. 

Tender love in his every action, every press of his skin against yours. A guiding hand on your lower back. Adjusting your shirts and sweaters. Standing on your left when you were standing for a long period, remembering your previous knee injury, so you could lean on him. 

Both of them soothed you in ways you didn’t know you needed soothing before. Neither one moved in particularly new ways, sans the making out and heavy petting, but not you could recognize the true driving emotion behind them. 

It wasn’t Satoru bringing your coffee order in the morning because he was on that side of town for a meeting with a client. His client was on the other side of town, but he had seen you frown at something so minor, so miniscule, that morning he trekked across Tokyo to go to your favorite place. 

To be loved is to be known, but to be known so loudly, so intimately, made you feel vulnerable in a way. But there is certainty in it too. That this was the way things were always meant to be between the three of you but by circumstance, it only happened now. 

So you found yourself in Satoru’s lap again, some cheesy early 2000s romcom on the TV in their bedroom. You had taken to watching movies in there due to their super king bed giving you room to spread out that the couch couldn’t. Sugaru was next to the both of you, arm around Satoru’s shoulder. He’s got some braids in between his fingers spinning it round his flesh. 

None of you have anything on the agenda tomorrow, other than meeting up with your group of friends in the early evening. 

Satoru has slumped over as the movies went on, his chest pressed against your back. Hot breath hits your neck every time he exhales, sending a constant chill down your spine. You’re not even sure what the last 20 minutes of the movie have been about, too distracted by the growing warmth in your core. 

You shift as Satoru exhales again when you feel it. He’s incredibly hard right now. His erection slides against the swell of your ass. 

The three of you haven’t been intimate, something you insisted on, and now a month’s worth of pent-up sexual need has come back into full focus. 

Satoru drops his head. Nose pressed against the skin of your neck, he wraps his around around your waist. One of his hands sits splayed on your ribcage, right under your breast. You’ve never been more aware of your lack of a bra at home than now.  His thumb moves and you stiffen. 

He pauses for a millisecond before kissing your neck. The heat pooling in your stomach grows hotter. You’re so on edge that when he bites into your skin, the moan you let out startles you, your head falling to the side. Suguru catches your gaze, his eyes low, heavy with desire. There’s a rush of adrenaline that courses through you, no doubt dissimilar to what a prey animal feels when it's hunted.

Satoru’s teeth graze your skin, leaving a trail of darkening marks as he went. His hands move up to your breasts. He’s gentle, at first, squeezing them, testing the weight in his palms, before he pinches at your nipples. Gasping, your hips jut forward as if to grind against something. 

Suguru stalks over, sliding over the bed, to sit right in front of the both of you. He looks down at your shirt, a large oversized graphic t-shirt that once belonged to him. Sees how the fabric bunches around his finger. 

His eyes dart back up to yours, an eyebrow raised. “May I?” he questions about removing your shit. 

You nod, leaning back further against Satoru as Suguru slides your shirt off. Satoru’s hands pulled away for him to do so, but once your shirt was removed they were right back on your chest, tweaking your nipples again. Suguru leans back and just watches. 

One of Satoru’s hands leaves your chest and moves down to your thighs. They roam over the fat of them. You lift your hips and he pulls at your shorts, unable to get them off with just one hand. Luckily Suguru is there to help, and they get them off. The cheeky cut panties you've been wearing feel nonexistent as he brushes your clit through them. 

“Fuck,” Satoru groans, grinding his hips against your ass, “you’re so perfect.” 

The praise goes straight to your head. 

He lifts his head out of your neck to look at Suguru. “Aren’t they perfect?” 

“You should see how they taste.” Suguru purrs, palming himself through his sweat. 

Satoru nips your neck again. “What do ya say, sweetheart? Can I eat you out?” 

“Oh god, yes,” you’re practically melting into his arms now, limp and pliable. 

The two of them move you around and get you on your back in the center of the bed. They treat you like you’re a porcelain doll. Theirs to play with but gently. Satoru tugs at your panties, pulling them off of you in one clean go. Suguru places a hand on your knee, coaxing your legs open. 

Satoru draws a short breath, seeing you fully exposed, and moans. 

“Can’t believe you’ve had this the whole time and never shared with me.” He bends down, parts your lips with two fingers, a licks a long stripe up your core. His eyes flutter closed as he does. “Perfect fucking pussy.” 

Satoru doesn’t eat pussy, he devours it. 

Consumes you like it's the first meal he’s had after a month of starvation. Like you’re the finest delicacy he’s ever had. Something meant to be tasted fully and savored. It makes you dizzy with how much earnest desire, and love, are in his every movement. Every swipe of his tongue against your clit an ‘I love you.’��

The pleasure gets to your head quick. Being this loved makes your skin flush and thoughts muddy. You reach out the hold Suguru’s hand. His fingers entangle with yours for a brief moment before he lets go and touches your jaw. 

He taps your cheek. “Open.”

You open your mouth and his fingers push into it. He pinches your tongue between his fingers, pulling it out. The pink muscle is pliant under his touch, following his guidance religiously. “Fucking Christ you’re perfect.” He slides his fingers back into your mouth. “Suck.” 

Following a command has never come easier. You suck on his fingers like they're a lollipop, rolling them between your tongue. He pushes them further down, nearly to the back of your throat. It almost makes you gag but you force yourself not to. 

At the same time, Satoru picks up speed. His tongue flicking your clit back and forth rapidly. He eases a finger inside you, crooking it up as he pumps in and out. Shockwaves of pure ecstasy go out across your whole nervous system. Right before you cum Satoru pulls away, taking you right off the edge. 

“Why?” you whine, panting. It’s muffled from Suguru’s fingers in your mouth. There’s a haze in your eyes. 

“I want to try something,” He scoots to the side. “Suguru come here.” Satoru gestures towards you splayed out pussy.

Suguru removed his fingers and shuffled down to match Satoru’s posture. “You dirty dog.” 

“Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking of it.” 

“You know me well,” Suguru laughs, kissing Satoru softly.

You’re about to ask what they are talking about before both of them lower their heads and make contact. Both of them are eating you out, tongues working in tandem. You aren’t sure if they're making out with each other or your pussy.

“Oh god,” you choke out. 

Satoru moans loudly, the vibration overwhelming, his tongue meeting Suguru’s over your clit. They battle for dominance, bumping and nudging your clit as they do.

Suguru pulls away for a brief moment, climbing over Satoru to reach into the nightstand and pull out a bottle of lube. He moves so quickly, flipping the cap open, and squeezing some out onto his fingers. Once he’s satisfied with the amount, he goes back to the messy make-out session on your clit. But this time you feel him toy with the opening of your asshole as Satoru inserts his fingers back into your pussy.

The combination of both of their mouths and fingers makes you cum. Your body goes limp but they don't stop. Suguru pulls back from your pussy, inserting another finger into your asshole, stretching it open. 

Satoru hungrily takes over your clit, sucking it harshly. The overstimulation is too much, too little time between your first orgasm, too much pressure as Satoru presses down on your lower abdomen that before you can even recoup you’re cumming again. This time squirting over the both of them, liquid gushing out of you, with a pathetic whine. 

Satoru pulls back from your pussy, face glistening. “Didn’t know you could do that.”

Both of them stare at you with wicked grins. 

“Stop,” you shyly try and cover your face with your arms. “Don’t stare at me like that.” 

Suguru thrusts his fingers in your asshole again. “You make it hard not to stare. Don’t they.” 

Satoru’s gaze is heavy on you. He’s always had such an intense stare but it makes you squirm so much more now in your naked state. It piercing. He licks his lips before speaking. “I feel like we should lock you away so no one else can ever look at you.”

“Be normal and say I love you.” Suguru nudges him with his shoulder. 

“I love you, oh god I fucking love you.” Satoru kisses your inner thigh. “I love you so much. Please let us fuck you? Please?”

“I love you too.” 

He bites down hard enough there’s sure to be a mark there tomorrow. “Don’t make me wear a condom, please? I’m clean, he’s clean.” 

“Satoru I’m not on birth control.” 

Where you thought it’d heed caution from him, it only serves to amp him up. He moves down and kisses your clit. “If you get pregnant I’ll take care of you, please. I want to feel all of you.”

Suguru smacks the back of his head. “Don’t you mean we’ll take care of them?” He pulled him back by his hair. “Stop pressuring them.” 

You giggle a bit at that. “It’s a safe day so just… pull out?” 

The offer makes Satoru lunge forward and lift you up. He lays down on his back under you, your legs spread around his middle, his feet on the ground. His public area is clear and recently waxed, so you just meet skin, and erection standing straight up in front of you. It gently smacks against your stomach as you settle into position. 

There’s never been a doubt in your mind that Satoru was strong. You’ve seen him shirtless so many times, you know the panes of his muscles by heart. But it's a different thing to feel that strength. 

Satoru moves you like there is no weight to you. He lifts your hips up, positioning your core just over his erection. It’s Suguru who reaches between you two to properly align your hole with his cock. The way they already work as a team when it came to fucking you should scare you. You know how they are. The next time the three of you fuck, there’s no telling what they’ll do. 

Satoru lowers you down on his length. You’re so loose and wet from coming twice in short succession that you’re able to fit his entire length with no discomfort in one smooth, fluid motion. He’s girthy regardless, so when he pulls you up and drops you down again, it feels like your breath gets squeezed out of your lungs. 

“Oh my god,” you fall forward on his chest as he does it again. 

Satoru raises your hips, holding you above himself, and gives a few slow, experimental thrusts up into you. His mouth meets yours in a messy kiss as you jostle with each thrust. 

Suguru sidles up behind the two of you, more lube on his fingers. He circles the rim of your asshole, dipping them in and scissoring it. “You gonna let me fuck you too? Or do you want me to wait my turn?” 

You are, by nature, incredibly greedy when it comes to them. How could you not be? 

Looking over your shoulder, you speak. “Please. I want to feel you both.”

“So fucking sexy,” Suguru groans, pulling his fingers out and lining up his cock. “Can’t believe we let you date that loser. Should have been here between us the whole time.” 

Sure, you’d have fingers in your asshole before, but Suguru’s dick was longer and thicker. The whine is instinctive as he stretches you open. Once he’s fully inside and gives a gentle thrust, it’s then you realize that you can feel them almost rubbing against each other. 

Oh. 

You could never go back now. 

It feels so good. 

You’re close to cumming again and they’ve barely done anything other than interest themselves inside you.

Suguru’s hands grab hold of your hips, holding you still, switching places with Satoru who holds your face. His white hairs is stuck to his forehead with sweat as beams up at you. “Tell me you’re sorry for dating Haruki.”

“I’m sorry.” You try to move your hips, to gain any sort of friction but Suguru holds you still. 

“Tell me you’re never going to leave us.” 

You try to move again. Any movement is again stopped by Suguru who in turn smacks your ass. 

“Listen to him.” 

Satoru squeezes your cheeks. “Promise me. Promise me and we’ll fuck you until you pass out, okay?” 

“I promise, I’ll never leave you.” 

“That’s my girl.” 

It must have been something they discussed before because the moment Satoru gives the go-ahead, they set a pace so clearly set on breaking you apart and building you back up in the shape of them. 

Both of them give full, long strokes. They move like a well-oiled machine, fucking you like they were designed to do so. Suguru circles an arm around your waist and lifts your back to be flush against his chest, one of your breasts in his hand. He bites and sucks on your neck while playing with your nipples. 

They fill you to the fucking brim. It’s nearly indescribable, the electric sensation coursing through your body.  The feeling is almost like a live current running through you that short-circuits your brain. Perhaps if you were more cognisant of it you’d be embarrassed of the noises you were making. All breathe whimpers and moans filling the room with the sinful slap of flesh. 

With his hands-free, Satoru begins circling your clit with his thumb. The orgasm that has been steadily building growing closer and closer.

“Can feel you getting tighter,” Suguru growls in your ear. “You like it, huh? Like having us both inside you.” 

Be it his possessive tone or words, it makes you tighten up even more.

Satoru picks up his pace toying with your clit. “You like it when he talks to you like that don’t you gorgeous.” 

Your pussy flutters at the praise. 

“You feel that Suguru?” 

“Yeah, I did.” 

“You’re close aren’t you?” 

It’s on the repetition of the question that you realize it is directed towards you. 

Satoru pulls you down towards him, your chests pressed tightly together. Suguru takes advantage of the new angle, propping a foot up on the bed to fuck you even deeper. Your eyelids flutter closed and you whine into Satoru. 

“I’m gonna cum.” you barely mutter. 

“Cum for us.” 

There’s an uncertainty about which one of them said it. Perhaps it was both of them, you aren’t certain as you clamp down on them, body stiff, and cum like you’ve never cum before. They don’t cease their movements, fucking you through it, moving in perfect synch. Your whole body shakes, heat flashing through your veins. The world starts spinning twice as fast.

“That’s it. You’re so pretty with that fucked out look on your face.” Satoru starts.

Suguru snaps his hips forward, sliding you against Satoru while he speaks. “Knew you’d let us fuck you like this.” 

“Should use a vibrator next time. I want to see ‘em cum even more.” 

“We can’t break ‘em Satoru. Don’t you know how to take care of your toys?” 

“You’re so rude. They can hear you, can’t you baby?”

You can’t even hold your head up, so Satoru does it for you. Holding your head steady as it nearly lulls to the side. 

“You can hear him can’t you baby?” 

Your tongue feels like lead, it’s a struggle to speak. “I’m not- oh fuck - I’m not a toy.” 

They keep fucking you, spreading you open further. Everything goes fuzzy around the edges in your blissed-out state. Every brush of their hands on your skin makes another ripple of your orgasm pass. You lose sight of where they end and you begin. Satoru gently lets your cheek rest on his chest. 

“Bet your throat feels just as good.” Satoru kisses the top of your head

.

“He should try your asshole next.”  

“I don’t know Suguru, this pussy,” Satoru’s breath is labored. “Feels fucking amazing.”

“Next round we switch.”

Satoru grabs your face again. “He’s never fucked a pussy before. You’re gonna make it so he never wants to fuck another one, aren’t you?” His brow draws knitted. “Clamping down on me like that. I love you so much.”

He kisses you again, whining into it. His thrusts grow sloppy and uncoordinated. 

You pull back from the kiss, slightly more coherent. “Cum inside me please, I need to feel it.”

Satoru groans and increases his thrusts. “You’re killing me baby.”

 He gives four more before hot spend fills you up. You can feel him pulsing inside you. He cums for what feels like a minute, spurts of cum spilling out of you before he pulls out and smears it all over your pussy. 

With Satoru no longer inside you Suguru lifts you up to fuck you doggy style, your face nearly shoved in Sayorufs crotch. “Clean him up.”

Suguru starts a punishing pace, stretching your asshole further. His balls slap against your sensitive clit. You’re at a point where you don’t think you can cum anymore, but there’s whispers of an orgasm. You chose not to focus on that and instead on Satoru. 

For being your best friend only a month ago, there’s no hesitation in these more than platonic actions he takes now. He taps his half-hard dick against your cheek, spreading cum over your cheek and lips. You open your mouth, and yak kitten licks at his length. His spend is salty on your tongue. 

Suguru groans from behind you, gripping your hips tighter as he chases his own high. It doesn’t take much more for him to cum as well with nearly a growl. He hunches over you, extenuating the curve of your spine before he pulls out. 

There’s the telltale feeling of some of his cum leaking out your asshole and dribbling down your pussy. Suguru scoops a mix of his and Satoru’s cum up and pushes it inside you. He makes sure to hit your G-spot as he does. 

Exhaustion settles in your every fiber of being. Never have you been fucked so thoroughly. Made to feel so good. 

Yawning, you try and stand up off the bed to go pee, but your knees buckle under you. You would have hit the cool hardwood flooring if it wasn’t for both men reaching out to grab you. 

“My legs feel like jelly.” 

Suguru smiles, feline as ever. “Can’t have you getting hurt after only round one.” 

You straighten up. “Round one?” 

“Don’t tell me you thought it’d end there?” Satoru chuckles.

───※ ·❆· ※───

The wood stood you normally perched on hurt like a bitch. Your entire lower half was sore and the lack of cushioning really was not helping. Satoru and Suguru had made good on their promise to fuck you until you passed out. They were “making up for lost time” if you asked them. But if someone asked you, your answer would be they were just freaks. Not that you minded. Clearly not given the array of marks over your neck, chest, and thighs all covered up by a turtle neck and long pants. Satoru really was a biter. 

“I’m glad you made it this time Kento.” Utahime giggles, already tipsy from the one beer she's had. She’s leaning on Shoko’s arm, clinging around it. 

Nanami is sat up straight across from her, politely sipping his beer. “Yes. My apologies for missing the last one. Tax season has me rather busy.” 

Shoko laughs. “Don’t bullshit us, you just can't stand getting with us more than once every two months.” 

He sighs. “Surprisingly I do actually enjoy your company. Even if you do annoy me.” 

“Whoa! Kento don’t get soft on us.” Satoru claps him on the back. “Next think you know you’re going to tell us about your love life.” 

“There is hardly anything happening in that department.” He eyes you, Suguru, and Satoru. “But I see that some of us have had some changes. When did the three of you get together?” 

“WHAT?!” Utahime’s scream is shrill and she points a finger at you and the boys. “You guys are all fucking? I thought you guys were just all best friends” 

Shoko shushes her, kissing the top of her head.  “Baby, c’mon you didn’t realize the sexual tension oozing out of the tree of them the last time we saw them?” 

“No,” she whines, bottom lip jutting out in a pout. “No one tells me anything.” 

©️ uzuzrimisery

do not copy, edit, translate, or repost my work on any platform

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summoned pt1

See my full list of works here!

Part of the 500 Follower Celebration Requested by: Anonymous

Summary: After what could probably be the worst birthday of your life, a mysterious shadowy figure appears in your bedroom while you were sleeping.

Pairing: Incubus!Loki x Reader

Word Count: 4.4k

Warnings: language; A+ parenting that would impress Odin; inaccurate summoning rituals; Loki feeling you up in your sleep [let me know if I missed anything!]

Things to be aware of: Loki's a sex demon, not a god in this one

Worst. Birthday. Ever.

You walked through your apartment grumbling those exact words as you finally toed off your cinching pumps and padded your feet over to the kitchen counter, placing the little cupcake you'd gotten for yourself as a pitiful excuse of a 'celebration' for today. A joke, really, considering what a colossal shit show the day had turned out to be.

First the printer had jammed, keeping you waiting in queue for over three hours just to complete the solitary task that was in your workload for today that kept you from ending your day earlier and hopefully finding a way to actually celebrate despite your entire family being too busy to even call for a simple "Happy Birthday, Y/N" greeting over FaceTime. Something about them all going out to celebrate your sister getting cast as an understudy to a secondary character in her school play.

And then to add salt to the wound, not even HR could bother to have invited you to the free lunch they arranged for this month's celebrants. They told you that it must have slipped their minds when they were orienting you.

"It didn't even cross your minds to double check when your total number of celebrants for the year didn't match your total number of employees?" you asked them, trying to keep your composure because, after all, you still needed this job to pay your goddamn bills.

"Honestly, Miss Y/L/N, we just thought that the system glitched. It was just off by one. We didn't think anything of it."

A glitch. That was what you were to this company. Hell, to your family as well. Barely even a blip on the radar. Just something they remember actually existed when everything else managed to go wrong in their lives.

Now here you were, sitting in your little one bedroom apartment in New York, alone and lonely on your 29th birthday, wondering how you could have lived your life so invisibly that nobody even noticed you'd somehow slipped so far between the cracks that you were collecting dust in a corner of the room that nobody could see, let alone reach. How could you have gone your entire life and you didn't even have someone to call when you wanted company?

How could you have been so alone that nobody would even think of you if they wanted company?

You decided there was no harm in making a wish for yourself as you searched for a lighter for the tiny candle to cap off the dismal start to the final year of your 20s. You took out a piece of paper and scribbled your wish, tears prickling in the back of your eyes as you penned the words.

Someone that makes me feel less alone.

You lit up the candle and held the paper to the flame, a tear escaping your eye as you whispered the words, "This is all I want." You watched as the tiny sheet became engulfed in flames, disappearing into ash floating around the air so quickly that your fingers didn't even have enough time to feel the fire licking across your skin.

"Happy Birthday, Y/N," you sighed, blowing out the candle. "Another banner year," you whispered sarcastically into the dark silence.

You went about the rest of your night in the shroud of darkness, making the split second decision to change into a black silk negligee that you'd been reserving to wear for when you finally had someone to spend the night with rather than just spend a fleeting half hour with before you ended up leaving their apartment because you just couldn't feel a connection.

Perhaps the time had come to accept that you weren't meant to have that type of connection. With anyone.

With that depressing thought taking over, you laid down in bed and allowed sleep to take you, letting your thoughts drift into nothingness as you focused on the dark and the quiet that surrounded you. The same dark and quiet that always surrounded you.

What you heard next might as well have shot ice straight through your veins. "Well…hello. Aren't you a pretty thing."

It's just a nightmare, you told yourself. Just squint your eyes really hard and you'll wake up.

You tried to squeeze your eyes as hard as you could, but you could still feel that you weren't quite alone, the faint touch of a hand ghosting over your body on top of your comforter, the husked voice humming in a sound that vaguely resembled satisfaction. "How fortunate of me to have been called to such an exquisite creature." You stilled as you felt a warm breath by your cheek, followed by the feel of a tongue tracing along the shell of your ear. "We're going to have such fun together."

When you felt the hand slide under your comforter, warm fingertips beginning to trace along the column of your neck, was when you finally found it in you to move. Perhaps if you couldn't squint your way awake, then you'd just have to jolt your body into waking by any means necessary.

The only thing was…you were awake. And in the darkness you could see the silhouette of a man with long hair hovering over you. You let out a scream so loud you were sure the roving guard in your building was about to break down your door for fear that you were getting slaughtered in your bedroom.

The shrill sound was enough to have the figure seem visibly taken aback that it gave you just enough leeway to push him off of you and propel yourself out of bed. "You have ten seconds to tell me who you are before I…I…" You fumbled around in your bedside drawer, not once taking your eyes off of the intruder's distractingly sculpted silhouette, and grasped the letter opener you kept inside. "Before I slash at you with this. Ten!"

"I have no need to explain myself. You summoned me."

"Keep telling yourself that, buddy. Nine!"

"Do you truly not recall summoning me, you beguiling little creature?"

"Creature??" you shrilled. "Alright that's it, you just knocked five seconds out. Four!"

"Alright wait, wait! If you truly do not recall then perhaps we can discuss this? Preferably without meager weapons," he said, holding his hands up in a show of surrender. You proceeded to shout Three, making him let out a sibilant exhale. "If you won't listen to reason, then perhaps I must make you listen."

In the next moment, the figure disappeared, thin wisps of smoke being the only indicator that there was even anything that once occupied the space he stood in.

You started to let out another shrill scream into your now empty bedroom, only for the sound to die in a muffled squeak as the intruder re-materialized right beside you, clamping a large hand over your mouth…and nearly half your face.

"Shhh little mortal, please. I'm not here to harm you." You could feel yourself relaxing into his almost tender hold on you as he whispered the words into your ear, your reaction leaving you both shocked and appalled at yourself. "I swear, I am simply here because I was summoned. To perform a purpose. If what you say is true and you truly do not recall, then perhaps we could find out together why I've been brought here?"

Well shit, when he puts it that way, I must be a complete nimrod to keep screaming, huh? you hissed sarcastically at yourself. Considering that his hand was still covering your mouth, you simply nodded your response slowly, allowing him to take the letter opener from you with his free hand.

"If I release you, do you promise not to scream?" You let out a long exhale through your nose, slowly nodding your answer again, relief beginning to flood your system as he pulled his hand away from you and you began to walk to turn on the lights in your bedroom.

"Look I don't know who you are or what you are or what the fuck you're doing in my home, but I can promise you, on my life, I didn't summon you," you started, already emotionally exhausted from the disappointment of the day combined with this bizarre encounter from…wherever this intruder came from, with his tricks and smoke and mirrors. When you flipped the switch and your bedroom became awash with a warm white glow, you finally got a good look at your unexpected visitor.

But now I definitely wish I did, you thought to yourself. He was…for lack of a better, more fitting word, beautiful. A face that seemed as if it was sculpted and perfected by the greatest artists history had ever known, and that same scrupulous attention to detail had been given to the rest of him, too.

You never did understand back then what the women in your office meant when they described a man as someone that looked "built for sex". But now…looking at the man who stood mere feet away from you? Now you understood them perfectly.

"How about we start with why you believe I summoned you to begin with? And maybe names?" You struggled to maintain eye contact with him as he tilted his head at you, angling his body in a way that suggested he was about to approach you again. "I'm Y/N. And you are…?" You extended your hand to shake, a gesture that honestly seemed so ridiculous considering what had just happened moments ago, and where you two were.

"I am Loki. Of the Incubi," he replied, taking your hand in his. However, instead of shaking it like you'd expected, he raised it to his lips and pressed a kiss to your knuckles, the action taking you by surprise right alongside the information he'd just revealed to you with those few words.

"Incubi? Sex demons?" you huffed out incredulously as you began to break into a fit of laughter, pulling your hand away from him. "Now I'm definitely sure you got your wires crossed somewhere. See, Loki, there's no fucking way that I summoned a sex demon. We can start with…I don't even know how."

Your laughter faded into a little squeak as you felt his fingers lightly grasping your chin, tilting your head so that he could take a good look at you. You began to squirm under his gaze as the moments ticked by. "I believe you," he breathed out, the disappointment visible on his face. "A shame. How I would have enjoyed being pleasure-bound to one as breathtaking as you."

His words rung with such an unapologetic honesty that it had you fighting back the heat rising in your cheeks…and swirling in your lower stomach. The way he moved his hand to cup your jaw, his thumb stroking your bottom lip, only worsened your already building desire for the man. No, not a man…demon. As if reminding yourself that he wasn't what he seemed was going to quell that fire; if anything, it might even make it worse, especially considering what kind of demon you were dealing with.

"Perhaps you unknowingly summoned me, then," he murmured, his face hovering so close to yours that you could feel his warm breath on your lips as he spoke. "Was there anything that you did tonight that was out of your regular routine? Perhaps that could lead us to…well, where we are now."

You moved out of his hold with an audible sigh. "Alright…well, I came home from work. It was my birthday, so I made a wish on the candle of my cupcake." You started walking out to the living room/dining area of your  apartment, half-heartedly waving toward the space as if to say 'this is where that happened'.

"Quite curious…" he trailed off, walking to the kitchen counter and running two fingers across the surface, placing wholly inappropriate thoughts in your mind about what kind of devastation those sinfully, egregiously long digits could possibly wreak on your body. "And how did you make this…wish?"

You started walking around your living room, trying to retrace your steps since you came home from work earlier, up until you also reached the kitchen counter, trying not to focus too much on the feel of his hand now resting on your lower back, fingers loosely curved around your waist as if he was ready to pull you towards him at a moment's notice.

"I wrote it…on a piece of paper," you muttered, placing your hands on the countertop, willing your memory from a few short hours ago to return to you. "I said 'This is all I want', and then I burned it on the flame before I blew the candle out."

It barely registered to you that he'd moved so that he was standing directly behind you as you were recalling the events before you went to sleep, his hands now resting on either side of your waist, holding you loosely against him. "Hmm…there it is, then. Your wish that you set aflame, that is what summoned me." You fought against your instinctive urge to lean in to his touch and shudder at the way he was whispering in your ear, lips hovering so close that you could feel them ghosting over your skin as he spoke. "Tell me, darling, what did you wish for?"

A shuddering breath escaped you as you felt him move, tracing his nose down the column of your neck, ghosting his lips along the curve between your neck and shoulder, all the while whispering against your skin his soft-spoken command to tell you what you'd wished for that resulted in him being summoned to your home.

"I wished for someone that would make me feel less alone," you sighed your admission, your words barely audible as you fought against your urge to tear up again.

You felt Loki tense against you, maneuvering you so that you would turn and face him, a mix of confusion and concern rife on his devastatingly beautiful features. "I must admit, I'd never been summoned by a wish so…vestal." He reached up and proceeded to push locks of your hair away from your face, tucking the strands behind your ear. "Usually when I am summoned the wish is more…carnal in nature."

"Because sex demon…" you muttered, smirks tugging at the corners of your mouths.

"Indeed," he answered you, a low chuckle escaping him as he tucked his fingers under your chin, tilting your head to look up at him. "Your accidental summoning of me does not change the fact that I am now bound to you, darling mortal. I cannot leave you be until I've fulfilled your needs." A shiver ran through you at his words, worsening when he leaned down, hovering his face mere inches away from yours as his hand traveled down the length of your arm wrapping his fingers around your own hand. "Come with me then."

You chose not to move as he began to lead you through your apartment, standing still and causing him to look back at you when he was met with resistance at your joined hands. "Come with you where, exactly?"

"Back to your bedroom, of course."

"I thought I made it clear that--"

"We're not to go there so that I may bed you, darling," he cut you off with a knowing smirk. "Unless, of course, that would satisfy your needs. In which case I would be more than happy to oblige."

You felt your walls clenching around nothing at his suggestion, tempted beyond reason to take him up on his offer even though you knew that while there was no doubt that sex with someone literally made for it would be mind-blowing, the last thing you needed was another meaningless romp in bed. "Then why exactly are you bringing me back to my bedroom?"

"Your wish," he began, relaxing his hold on you and walking back to stand mere inches from you. "It was for companionship, was it not?" You nodded mutely, a squeak escaping you as you felt his hand at your side, his thumb gently stroking along your ribcage. "From what I've observed with your kind, to sleep alone when one yearns for companionship may be one of the most cripplingly lonely feelings you can experience. I was simply intending to hold you."

His words left you staring at him blankly, struggling to process his words. "Honestly I just thought you were gonna skulk around in the corner while I lived my life because that would be like zero effort for you, and it would still make me feel 'less alone'," you tried to joke, biting your tongue when you saw that he'd only responded by furrowing his brows at you.

"You are far too beautiful to be this guarded," he murmured, leaning closer to you that you could feel his warm breath at the bridge of your nose. "You deserve to have someone to hold you. You shouldn't have had to feel this lonely to begin with." He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. "I apologize. It seems that I was all that the fates could give you."

The gesture took you off guard, the tears that you'd been fighting back since you got home from work finally escaping your eyes and rolling down your cheeks. You wrapped your fingers around his hand, squeezing lightly in a silent gesture that you were letting him lead you back to your bedroom. You couldn't form the words anymore.

When he had you settled in your bed once again, only this time gently cradled in his arms, a large hand stroking up and down your back as he began to lull you to sleep. "Sleep, beautiful little mortal. You need not be alone any longer," he whispered before pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. "Not if I can help it."

"I really don't understand why you would be upset over this, Y/N. You should be thankful for the sentiment behind it, not the timing. What's important is that we remembered eventually, isn't it?"

You rolled your eyes at your mother's condescending tone over the phone. You'd spent the entire drive back to your apartment from work listening to her justify herself for at least remembering to greet you happy birthday.

Only thing was that it had been an entire six months later. And now she was trying to guilt you into warmly accepting her half-hearted greeting of 'oh I completely forgot, Happy Birthday, sweetie', as if it held any merit now. "Honestly Audrey, how can you even forget your own daughter's birthday for six months? I mean if I were in your shoes I'd remember the anniversary of the days that an entire baby threatened to rip my vagina in half."

"Language, young lady! And how dare you call me by my own name, I am your mother! And you know that we were caught up in celebrating your sister's accomplishment with her school play. Becoming an understudy is a big deal you know."

"I haven't been a young lady for ages, and you haven't been my mother for just as long," you snapped back at her. "And even she was able to text me six fucking months ago apologizing on your behalf and greeting me herself. And how the fuck should I know how big of a deal it is to become an understudy I was too busy becoming the lead when I was still going to school. Last I checked you weren't even in the audience when that happened."

"You really should stop this nasty habit of making everything about you, dear."

You let out a frustrated scream in the hall, the sound prompting your apartment door to open, the sight of Loki stepping out the door clad in his version of "casual clothing" calming you significantly. 'What's wrong?' he mouthed at you, nodding in clear understanding when your only response to him was 'Mother'.

"Do you even fucking hear yourself?? You call me with a half-assed apology for forgetting your daughter's birthday sixmonths ago, and you expect me to just accept it with open arms going 'Of course Mommy I'm so happy you remembered it's the thought that counts'? And now that I'm calling you out on your A+ parenting at least where Stella's concerned since you just love coddling her and celebrating everything with her down to her fucking participation certificates, you're gonna have the balls to tell me that I should stop making this about me??"

The feel of Loki's hands on your shoulders, thumbs resting snugly between your shoulder blades, pressing and rubbing soothing circles in an attempt to mediate your temper, had you taking a deep breath before you went on.

"Audrey I don't want to hear from you ever again. Facts are…you haven't checked in on me since before I moved out of the house. You've pretty much mailed me everything that I left behind there so that you could tear down the wall and give Stella a fucking princess suite, so there isn't even a single trace of me in any square inch of that place she can freely call home.

"You haven't been a mother to me since Stella was born, let alone a mom, so you know what? We might as well cut ties now before I start saying shit that's really gonna hurt your precious fragile ego. Goodbye. Don't ever contact me again. I'm blocking your number, and if you even dare fucking show up on my doorstep I'll call the fucking cops on you. Have the life you deserve."

You felt the phone get taken out of your hand before he turned you around to pull you into a warm embrace. "Are you alright?"

"That felt really fucking good," you mumbled into his chest, starting to let out a hearty laugh as you wrapped your arms around him to return the hug. You lifted your head to look up at him, a smile stretching across your face as your eyes met his. "Hi."

"Hello, precious girl." A small traitorous giggle escaped you as he pressed a kiss between your brows. "Welcome home."

Your heart was doing somersaults at his words, your mind struggling to process them as he easily lifted you off  your feet and walked you both into your apartment. Home. The word rolled so effortlessly off his tongue it placed the cruelest image in your head.

One where maybe Loki could stay in your life forever. One where maybe in the last six months of him providing you companionship, you weren't alone in your stupidity in falling in love with the sex demon.

That maybe said demon fell in love with you, too. And the blissful domestic atmosphere that surrounded you whenever you walked into your apartment wasn't just an illusion.

"I have a question," you spoke into the dark quiet of your bedroom when he held you that night, lulling you to sleep. You looked up from your head's position resting snugly on his shoulder, your breath audibly hitching as you saw how menacingly beautiful he looked when his features were illuminated by the moonlight and nothing else.

"Ask away, darling." You could feel your eyes growing heavy as he proceeded to stroke your hair, earning you a low chuckle from him.

"You don't sleep…"

"That is true, I don't."

"So what do you do while I'm asleep?" You brought out another chuckle from him as you fought back a yawn after asking your question.

"Count the hours until the sun rises and your infernal alarm begins to blare in our ears and pulls you out of your peaceful slumber. In those hours, I read something from your shelves occasionally. But mostly I would watch over you, wonder what it is you're dreaming about that brings out such raw reactions upon your face."

"Fuck you must be bored out your mind, I'm sorry," you murmured, feeling yourself sink deeper and deeper into sleep.

Your brows furrowed together at the feel of his  fingers lightly grasping your chin. "Look at me, Sweetheart." Your eyes met his through your heavy-lidded gaze, a lazy smile tugging at the sides of your mouth as you looked into his darkened gaze. "That couldn't be farther from the truth. You could never bore me."

A violent fluttering erupted in your stomach as he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours, a mix between a sigh and a satisfied hum escaping him as he kissed you.

"Never," he insisted before pressing one final kiss to your lips. "Now go to sleep, darling."

"Mmph…thank you, Loki."

"What ever for?"

"For making me feel less alone."

Those last words you uttered before sleep finally took you echoed in Loki's ears like ominous drums that signaled a death march. Each time the words came back, the sound would grow louder, beginning to thump against his chest as if his heart was rushing to give out.

He'd forgotten that it could even do that.

For so long it had taken on this slow, almost snaillike pace that he could have sworn it stopped beating eons ago. It was only that first night, as he held you in his arms, that he could begin to feel the echoes of a pulse once more.

Now those echoes were more than prominent, each thump inside of him signaling that now that you said those words, his time with you was about to come to a screeching halt.

He dreaded how it would  happen. Would he simply be summoned to another's bed, simply to resume the process of meaningless trysts with sleeping women that craved nothing more than to be fucked into a stupor that more often than not led to permanent and unfavorable side effects on their part?

Would he be called back to Lilith's domain? To face an admonishment for taking so long on this particular assignment when he could have ended your plight so much more quickly and efficiently?

Would he even be able to say goodbye to you? Could he even bear it to see the look on your face if he did?

"Take it back," he pleaded softly at your sleeping form, desperation lacing every word. "Please. I don't want to leave you, Y/N. Take it back." He held you tighter against him, pressing kiss after kiss to your skin as he kept on begging you take the words back. "I can't bear to leave you, sweet girl. I love you too much for that."

A/N: Okay so I took quite a few liberties with the request but I hope you like it, Anon! There's going to be a part 2 to this because I want to give them a happy (and smutty) ending.

'everything' taglist: @sailorholly @loopsisloops @unlucky-number-13 @imalovernotahater @coldnique @loz-3 @huntress-artemiss @salempoe @vickie5446 @athalialaufeyson @lokiprompts @sarahscribbles @kats72 @kikster606 @evelyn-kingsley @lokixryss @thomase1 @mischief2sarawr @peaches1958 @lovingchoices14 @goblingirlsarah @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @creationsbyme @maple-seed @mjsthrillernp @ladyofthestayingpower @mygfloki @sititran @glitterylokislut @ozymdias @fictive-sl0th @lovelysizzlingbluebird @lokidbadguy @mochie85 @silverfire475 @joyful-enchantress @dangertoozmanykids101 @elizabethmidnight2017

Loki taglist: @calumance @severuslovebot @moonlightreader649 @i-stand-with-loki @nixymarvelkins @cheekyscamp @lokisgoodgirl @purplegrrl27 @thedistractedagglomeration

[character-fan19]

So I calculated the exact screen time for all the love square ships in season 3...

I'm back again. Season 3 is finally complete. If you'd like to see my previous post, click here. Before we get into this, for newcomers and old faces (since there are new rules)...

Some Ground Rules

What I did and didn't count as screen time for the love square ships:

Both characters of the ship must be present in the scene for it to count as screen time for that ship and by that I mean the real versions of them. So Felix pretending to Adrien doesn't count.

At least one of the characters must be interacting with the other or both of them need to be doing something together for it to count because we can't have them acting like background characters and call that screen time.

If one of the characters believes that they are interacting with the alter ego of the character, it will count as screen time for that ship. Meaning Aspik with Ladybug will be counted as Ladrien because Ladybug knows that this is Adrien.

In case of group interactions, the screen time will only count if the interaction is specifically between the two characters or if one of the character's reaction to the other is given focus.

In case of reveal scenarios, screen time will be counted as whatever alter ego they are in. I debated with myself whether to count Box Noir and Ladybug as Ladynoir or Ladrien but I ultimately decided on Ladrien as Adrien isn't using the actual Cat Miraculous.

Now on to the data.

Screen Time Distribution

It seems that with every season, Ladynoir decreases in screen time as in season 1, it was 76 %, in season 2, it was 71.5 % and now in season 3, it's 68.7 %. Will this trend continue in future seasons? I guess will just have to see. But as usual it still has the most screen time. Also as usual, Adrienette follows behind, having improved in screen time from 19.7 % to 21.2 %. Similar to last season Ladrien comes in 3rd, having the same 6 % of screen time it did last season but being above Maricat by much less, it's screen time having been increased from 2.8 % to 4.2 %.

In terms of the overall distribution up until now, Adrienette has increased by 0.4 %, Ladynoir has decreased by 1.3 %, Maricat increased by 0.3 % and Ladrien increased by 0.5 %. So now we have Ladynoir still on top with 72 % of the screen time which is 5 hr 16 min 55 sec, Adrienette 19.8 % of the screen time with h is 1 hr 26 min 38 sec, Ladrien with 4.7 % of the screen time which is 20 min 35 sec, and Maricat 3.2 % of the screen time which is 14 min 10 sec.

Screen Time Trend

Similar to last season, Ladynoir took some hits, from 6 episodes, two of them being right next to each other, that is, "Oblivio" and "Desparada". Also similar to last season we had a string of Ladynoir exclusive episodes from "Gamer 2.0" to "Timetagger" which helped to prop up Ladynoir in the screen time distribution department. It's average screen time per episode is much less than the previous 2 seasons, with it being 3 min 34 sec.

Adrienette made love square screen time history in "Oblivio" by having more screen time than any ship has ever had in an episode with 9 min 3 sec of it. It one-upped Ladynoir in other episodes as well such as "Chameleon" and "The Puppeteer 2", but not by as much as it did in "Oblivio". It had an average screen time of 1 min 6 sec.

The designated Maricat episode of the season finally dethroned Ladynoir for the episode, with it having 3 min 57 sec of screen time in "Weredad", the most screen time it's ever gotten. It's average screen time per episode has slightly increased from the last 2 seasons, with it now being 13 sec.

Ladrien had also gotten more screen time than it's ever gotten before, having 5 min 35 sec of screen time in "Desparada" which also made it the ship with the most screen time in that episode. It's average screen time per episode is 19 sec.

We also had the first episode to ever include screen time for all the love square ships and what better episode to hold that title than "Cat Blanc".

Conclusion

That's it for now. Feel free to make your own observations with this data. Until next time!

[spiri-a]

Painting Good Omens’ In The Beginning: Day 1

Day 1 Notes & Process below ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️

Notes (Day 1):

Ok um if it wasn’t obvious already I am a person who changes interests and creative pursuits VERY quickly. Last week I decided that I was going to paint a picture of someone as a gift to them, but the only problem was that I don’t paint a lot of anything, much less people…………

I have experience drawing from reference on Procreate (which I should post about at some point I keep forgetting) but I haven’t done any large scale physical painting in YEARS

And thus that’s what sparked my brand new spanking project of a VERY VERY ambitious practice painting in the form of some delicious Good Omens scenery 🫠

But anyways here’s the process

Process (Day 1):

I started out by taking the screencap and plugging it into Procreate on my iPad! I’ll be using my iPad to display my reference image while I’m painting, but I also used Procreate to crop the reference to the measurements of the canvas, which is 8x10 inches, then turned on those nice juicy guide lines (my dearly beloved 😭) Then I measured out and drew those same guide lines in pencil. These lines will help a TON with proportions! Using those guide lines, I sketched out the general shapes of Aziraphale and Crowley, the wall, the dunes, etc.

After that is pretty much what you’d expect. I spent about 1.5 hrs trying to get the dunes right (which took WAYYY longer than it looks like it should, but they were very deceptively hard to color match and blend and shape) then another 45 mins or so painting that wall and trying to shade it correctly 😭 (I was not expecting to dabble in so much pink and blue)

Anyways yeah after the wall was finished I decided I was done for the day and tired and sore :)) I spent another 10 mins or so cleaning up all the painting stuff so add that to the total time👇

Total time: 2 hr 45 min

20 mins on prep, guide lines, and sketching

1.5 hrs on sand dunes

45 mins on stone wall

10 mins cleaning up

I might do more tomorrow or maybe next month we’ll see 💀

[depressed-undergrad]

21 August, 2024

Weird day today. I woke up at my usual time and I walked for less time than usual but somehow I still didn't get time to study and was functioning without any buffer. I had an 8:30 lab today so that was the first bit of studying I got for the day. Got back and spent 1hr on Coursera. Went for lunch. Had three lectures back-to-back but the last got cancelled so I headed to the library with a friend. Spent about 1.5 hour studying. Took a 30 minute break to eat, before going back to the library for another 1.5 hours. Spent some of the library time on Coursera and some revising electrostats. Did more electrostats than I'd set a target for and finished the entirety of module 2. I skipped dinner and revised what we studied throughout the day. Did some night reading and daily chores and went to bed in the pretty pyjamas.

🖥️ Labs

Introductory python class (2 hr)

🎓 Google Data Analytics Course on Coursera

20 mins of Videos

50 mins of Reading

4 Practice Quiz (100% each)

1 Graded Quiz (100%)

1 Graded Quiz (95%)

📖 Lectures

Computational Programming (55 min)

Engineering Calculus (55 min)

🎓 Electrostats

Electric Charges and Fields: Complete

Electric Potential and Capacitance: Applications of Gauss' Law

[moviesludge]

TL;DR - Hitting Limits

Alright I've been trying to exceed my jogging limit each time I've had the energy to do it. Before today I had been able to jog for 7 consecutive minutes in the middle of my regular 30 minute tread walk. I had been increasing this by one minute each time I did a jog. I wait somewhere between 3-7 days before I jog again (depending on energy level and other stuff), but I'll often do a non-jog walk in there a couple times. I've found that doing that keeps my energy levels strong and consistent.

Full disclosure: I'm 41, around 270 pounds currently and about 6 foot 1. I have gout that led to a pulmonary embolism around 10 years ago, so I'm inclined to do this for my health, plus I'm really leery about being able to breathe well, so I get a lot of satisfaction out of having strong capable lungs. In my initial push of exercise I went from around 285 pounds and got all the way down to around 255 back in 2020. I fell off pretty significantly since then and gained back a bunch of the weight. Dieting is harder than exercise by far. It's more mentally difficult to maintain discipline for me than it is physically (for consistent dieting AND exercising).

So anyway, I wanted to try to hit 8 minutes of jogging today, and it's the first time I was physically unable to do it in consecutive minutes. My energy level was good but I had been pretty inactive for a couple days, resting from a bunch of exercise I got on the 4th of July. And I've been wanting to exercise but just felt sluggish and like I didn't have enough energy in previous days. I've found that sometimes I'll feel that way and just push myself to do a little activity, and then I feel way better. But I couldn't quite get there until today. And it was relatively warm here today , but not too hot.

I had bought a little desk fan and figured I could use it when I work out. I rigged it up and did my walk/jog. I think the fan helped a lot and that I wouldn't have been able to do what I did without it. (or it would have been severely less comfortable).

So this time, I was only able to jog for about 4 minutes before my heartrate was around 180, which is the ceiling I try not to stay in too long. I was disappointed, but slowed down and went back into my normal walk with intent to drop my HR. I figured my jog was done for the day, but my HR did come back down to around 160 after a while. So I tried again and was able to jog for about 2 minutes before I was around 180 again. I slowed back to a walk again and figured THAT was it. But then right near the end of my walk at around the 27 minute mark, my HR was around 160 again, so I jogged the last 2 minutes (to get to the full 8) and felt like I could have gone a little further, but didn't. I doubled my cooldown time to give myself more of a chance to drop my HR before stopping.

Once off the treadmill, it took a good 20 minutes for my HR to come all the way down, which isn't a good sign. I've had it come down within 5 minutes fairly recently. I could have been a little dehydrated or maybe it's the heat, but anyway.

TL;DR - Goal was 8 minute jog. Could only do it by breaking it up. Feel good about heeding my limits and adjusting. Feel good. On to the next one

[tea-and-secrets]

so me and my ex gf of 5 years had a bad breakup last year, around the end of summer. when i moved out (we lived together, like we had an entire life and friends together) i didnt tell anyone. i waited until she was visiting family, i packed up and left while they were gone. i ended up taking her cat when i moved out of state (like FAR).

*brief reference to animal neglect, none actually occurred, but, well youll see*

ive been in this cats life for the 5 years my ex and i were dating, so its not like 😺 wasnt my baby. and ive been the one primarily taking care of him for those years (for a long time i was a stay at home or worked less than 20 hrs a week to ex's 40+ hr weeks, so it made sense). once we broke up - and there were a lot of reasons why, the biggest one being the "rescue" of a bait dog, and subsequent neglectful abuse of her in the resulting weeks. i ended up working 2 jobs at 50+ hrs a week, while taking care of an ex bait dog (who had SERIOUS behavioral issues, especially around colored men, which i am), a special needs cat, and all the house/yard chores for a 2b2b - she told me to "stay the fuck away from my 😺 and 🐶"....but would be gone for days at a time, rarely being at home for more than enough time to sleep & shower & [redacted]. suffice to say these animals would have greatly suffered, maybe even died, if not for my IMMEDIATE intervention. i was already so used to caring for 😺 anyways, and i grew up rehabing strays so im used to the bites and aggression

fast forward to when I'm about to go. the 🐶 had been rehomed properly through a shelter, and no one ever found out about ex's abhorrent neglect. i know taking her 😺 was wrong, they were together for 3 years before i came into the picture . 😺 was her ESA even! when they finally noticed 😺 was gone (5 days after id left. no idea if thats how long they were gone or if that's just how long it took to notice 😒) they said they filed a police report, but nothing ever came of it. no calls, no letters, no warrant for my arrest, nothing. but i genuinely believed it saved 😺 life.

i know i made the right decision, but i still feel so guilty about it, on top of all those icky feelings from a breakup 😞

*for those wondering 😺 is doing fantastic!! he's f i n a l l y up to weight, his ibs is 100% under control, his arthritis has been successfully accommodated & no longer bothers him, and hes reliabily getting his 3x a week intestine medicine. his fur is full and luscious, his teeth get brushed 1-3x a week, his hair is brushed everytime i brush my own, same with his nails. i also keep it fucking immaculate in my apt, unlike the very...unhygienic 🤢 environment i removed him from. which is huge, he was having a LOT of issues due to that, 😺 loves that i clean the litter box every 5-9 days (if i can smell it, if he complains, i scoop it) now

not only that, but 😺has all sorts of: toys, cat nips (theres like 6 varieties?!?!), treats (wet & dry), beds, blankets, hidey-holes, tunnels, and [human] friends who love on and help me take care of 😺 if im unable. 😺 even gets supervised outside time once or twice a week (in a backpack or on a leash), which they obvs goes fuckin nuts for!

all in all, dont worry, 😺 is very loved and cared for to the point where 😺 (10ish yrs) acts like youngin now... i just still feel guilty 😭 and had to tell someone other than my therapist

.

[napping-sapphic]

Hello! I have a Situation and its totally cool if you're not able to give advice but im looking for advice anyway bc im autistic and have no idea how to navigate romantic situations.

So ive had a friend since i was 12 her pronouns are she/they so i will be using both. Im now 20 and they're 21. I've known I like girls since i was 13. And shes pan.

So, in the past, ive had like fleeting thoughts of dating/kissing them but i usually just shake my head and think "nah i cant possibly want to date her bc they're my best friend, i just have very strong platonic feelings." Like Very Strong. Ive literally said that i will always compare my feelings for a future romantic partner with my feelings for her bc they're so strong.

So im honestly not sure if i would know if i was in love with someone unless it hit me in the face, and i am currently feeling like it has hit me in the face. I woke up at like 4 am last night from a dream just thinking "omygosh im in love with her" and ive been journaling and thinking all day ahout my feelings and im starting to think ive just been in strong denial/oblivious about my feelings. Both bc im autistic and have difficulty identifying emotions and bc im demiromantic and rarely experience romantic attraction so i dont have much experience with it.

I guess the point of this ask is about any advice you can give regarding knowing if i actually have romantic feelings and if i do,, like what do i do about it??? Should i tell them? We have a really strong friendship and i dont wanna make her uncomfortable. I think ill be okay not acting on my feelings but its been literally less than 24 hrs since realizing my feelings might be romantic and i dont know if it will be difficult to hide or what to do about it. They're also like my only close friend so i cant just ask her what to do like i would normally, which is why im asking you.

Again, i understand if you cant answer this bc its a pretty personal situation but i would appreciate any advice.

Thank you! :)

Ahh once again prefacing with the fact that I am really Not Qualified to give advice on most things😅 but I can give you my take as an outsider on the situation and with my (very limited experience) in case that might help you at all, but again really take all of this with a LARGE grain of salt i am a VERY unqualified stranger on the internet so most of what i say is probably nonsense😅

I feel like this is like my go to advice but I’d say just wait it out tbh, as someone who was in capital L love with their childhood best friend for a while it really just came down to time for me. It took a while for me to be sure whether the feelings were romantic or platonic for SURE. Especially since the platonic love stayed for me even when the romantic love began🤷‍♀️ it made it extra tricky to tell lol.

My ‘oh this is NOT just platonic’ realization came from YEARS of excessive thinking about them, WAY too much jealousy when they dated other people, a LOT of thoughts and urges about holding their hand, a lot of comparing them to people i had passing crushes on, and (i kid you not) an embarrassing amount of love poems teenage me wrote about them lol😅

However! The slow process and thinking it through also lead me to the conclusion that i did NOT want to date them. Being a couple just wouldn’t work for us and I value them so so so SO much as my best friend and really need them in my life as that separate, constant, platonic relationship that I deeply love and care for. It works better for us than any sort of dating could🤷‍♀️ not to mention all of our other clashing traits that just wouldn’t work if our relationship was romantic. And now I’m honestly really not romantically interested in them anymore, they’re just my best friend and always will be :)

I dont think it’s too unusual to fall a bit (or a lot) romantically in love with a best or close friend, I think the more important thing to recognize is whether it’s something worth acting on, that you’re willing to act on, and that will be good for both of you to act on

So I’d say ruminate on it! There’s no pressure to figure it out, if you start getting too preoccupied with it you can try talking it through with them, not even as a confession type thing, you can simply have a conversation letting them know you’re a little confused or wanting their opinion if you think they’ll be receptive to it. Best I can tell you is that there’s no clock on figuring it out, there’s no “right” way to define what type of love you feel, and to remember that either way you’ve got a great person in your life. I’m very sorry I can’t be more help and if anyone has any other advice feel free to leave it in the notes for this person! Good luck to you and I hope you find what you’re looking for soon <3!!

[godblessyoublackemperor]

stratford on avon travelogue aka benny's really good super nice day (part 1 of 2)

IIIIIII decided to go to stratford on avon today bc i've been meaning to go for a while and I've got this week off (birthday tomorrowwwww) - cham was gonna come too but had a bit too much work so it was just me, and I was slightly apprehensive about that but i actually had an incredible day and I'm going to tell you all about it RIGHT NOW

I left the house at noonish, its a roughly 45min drive from worcester and the drive was actually really nice, all relatively fast b roads/country lanes. I didn't really have a plan for the day other than just walk around, maybe see some shakespeare shit, otherwise just see my little lizard brain took me, so I just set the sat nav for "stratford on avon" and set off. When i got to the town outskirts i immediately saw signs for anne hathaway's cottage so i was like "yeah aight" and turned off, went down some cute semi-rural residential streets and arrived in a nice green leafy neighbourhood with a nearly deserted car park (no bank holiday today in the uk, we have it next monday). I noticed the minimum stay was 3 hrs so i was like hmmmmm and then when i got to the cottage it turns out you can buy a ticket that gets you into all three shakespeare places (anne's cottage, his birthplace, his new place) so I was like hmmmmmmmmmmm *a plan is forming*.

watch out 🐊

I wandered round the orchard/outsidey bits (a little sculpture/statue trail of shakepeare-y stuff) and did a very speedrun-y tour of the cottage itself - I wasn't super invested or bothered about Learning I just felt like being a tourist and it was honestly super fun to just be like no thanks i don't want any information :) i'll just walk around :)

falstaff's belley, also bees

it's nice she could afford such a cool place, she was good in interstellar

After maybe less than hour I emerged from ann hathaway's cottage and by that time the plan had cemented - I was going to go and see how many of shakespeare's three cribs I could see in a day. I didn't actually need to do this because the ticket is valid for a year but it felt like a fun little goal. I also noted there was a handy signposted route into the town centre so I opted to leave the car there and walk - I both did and didn't regret this decision later.

The walk into town was mostly along a long straight boring road but I did see a cool graveyard and a euphemistically named "SCULPTORS" workshop not far away. The walk in total was probably about 15-20 mins but it felt a bit longer, i eventually got bored and wandered off down a side road and finally got spat out of the sleepy residential streets just in front of Holy Trinity church:

(i didn't know that was what it was immediately, again fully did not plan or research anything beforehand, anyway it is apparently a Landmark so, great 👍)

From here it was a short walk along the river, and by that point i was falling slightly in love with the place already - the weather was just sunny enough, it wasn't too busy, people were boating on the river, there were swans and geese everywhere. After a few minutes I saw these and my original plan to visit some dead bloke's houses sort of got back burnered:

When I saw the boats for hire sign my little lizard brain immediately decided it wanted nothing more in the whole wide world than to go on a little boat on the river avon. I thought "yeah aight" and wondered off to find the actual hire point, these were just moored here and the wasn't anyone actually around to hire them out to me.

on the way i went past some big theatre place? i think it was something to with the dead bloke, idk i was thinking about boats.

a couple more minutes of boat focused wandering brought me to the boathouse (on the right^) which was deserted except for the staff who were all sitting on the veranda eating hula hoops. they seemed mildly surprised that i wanted to hire a boat, and explained that they only electric motorboats for hire that day. I had already seen the sign advertising the option between analogue and electric and i was like "yeah aight", so i paid the man and hopped aboard. I was given a brief how-to, and here i should maybe explain I have not been on any kind of boat in a very long time, my experience extends to heavily supervised rowing on a canal as a kid and one (1) time having a brief go at the wheel of a motorboat on a scottish loch when i was 13ish. None of this really swayed or discouraged me however, so consumed was i with the lizard brain instruction to Go on A Boat. I gamely took in the safety briefing which amounted to lever forward go faster, lever back go slower/reverse, turn to wheel to steer, dont fall in (I'll try not to, i responded cheerily, like a real adult), and I was on my way.

aboard the good ship "number 27"

it took me a couple of minutes to get the hang of the steering, but its top speed wasn't too fast and it actually handled really nicely and responsively so the learning curve wasn't too steep, and pretty soon I was whirring happly along

On the return leg I was just working out how to correct after my big u turn (i only had the boat for 30 mins and was only allowed on a short section of the river) when i spotted something odd and brown on the near side of the riverbank and i was like, is that a fucking otter, and lads IT WAS AN OTTER

i look really unexcited here bc i'm trying operate a phone camera at the same time as controlling an unfamiliar vehicle, and trying not to plough said vehicle into said otter. the otter looks really unexcited here bc im just a twat in a boat and it sees those all the time.

The rest of my journey was uneventful but very pleasant, once i got the hang it was a very relaxing and centering activity and i will definitely be back. I brought the boat back right side up and with me still dry and in it, which the dudes at the boat hire seemed pretty happy about, and they were even happier when i showed them the video of the otter.

From here I sort of just wandered around a bit more? By now it was approaching 4 o'clock and S on A is apparently one of those towns where everything shuts down from like 4 to 5, so it was pretty quiet. I wandered up the high street, wandered into a hi fi store, gawked at some turntables, wandered into a weird little "vintage store", took a picture of a tuba, left, wandered around a bit more, and then walked past a japanese restaurant and stopped and was like hmmmmmmmm.

bonus toilet selfie bc i was feeling myself this day.

It wasn't opening until 5 but i now had a plan formed (completely forgotten about the dead guy's digs by now). I wandered back towards the river, found a gelato place, got gelato (elderflower, battenberg and salted caramel, don't question me), and went and ate the gelato with my legs dangling off the steps by the river OH NO I HIT THE IMAGE LIMIT OK PART 1 OF 2 I GUESS

[random-thought-depository]

While I'm here, I made a partial list of worlds with complex life within 20 light years of Earth in my setting, with short descriptions. I haven't figured out names yet, so I'll just name them by reference to the star they orbit.

"Gaian class" here means an Earth-like planet with liquid water, plants and animals, a photosynthesis-based food chain, etc.. I took the liberty of using the term used by John M. Dollan's Arcbuilder universe and the Orion's Arm universe, at least for now. Given the history of my setting as I've mentally plotted out so far, it might make more sense if the setting's in-universe equivalent of the Planetary Classification List used references from bonobo-like human mythology instead of references from Earth Greek, Norse, etc. mythology, and that would eliminate the necessity of eventually having to ask Mr. Dollan if he's OK with me using some terms from his PCL, but right now I don't feel like doing fictional culture mythology worldbuilding just to have an equivalent of when the characters in Star Trek say "M class planet."

Also, as I said, this is an incomplete list, I'm also planning to put Gaian worlds around Sigma Draconis, HR 7703, and 82 Eridani (and a bunch of stars farther out), but I haven't decided what those worlds will be like yet.

----------------------------------------------------------

Gaian class planet of Alpha Centauri A: A bigger (1.3-1.5 Earth masses), denser, more metal-rich planet than Earth, reflecting the Alpha Centauri system's high heavy element abundance. Gravity is only moderately higher than Earth's (1.15-1.25 G) because of the bigger surface area. The biosphere is quite rich, comparable to Earth's. Climate is similar to Earth, but a bit warmer and with bigger seasonal contrasts because of a higher axis obliquity and the longer year. Oceans are deeper than Earth's and the land to water ratio is lower; the land surface is 120-130 million square kilometers (compared to Earth's 150 million square kilometers) on a planet with more surface area than Earth. There are five continents, but the biggest continent is the majority of the planet's land surface.

The planet has a very big moon (3.5-4.5 Luna masses) in a high orbit (above 500,000 km). This big moon is superficially similar to Luna aside from its higher gravity, being a cratered, basically airless, almost geologically dead world like Luna, but it is much denser and more metal-rich than Luna; it is probably a captured world, instead of one that was formed by an impact.

Gaian class planet of Alpha Centauri B: A smaller and less rich world than Alpha Centauri A's Gaian class planet. There is a single continent, hot and dry in the southwest, warm and wetter in the southeast, cool to cold and wet in most of the other coastal regions, and dry and mountainous in the interior. Fluctuations in volcanic activity over the last few million years have caused considerable fluctuations in atmospheric carbon dioxide, which have caused considerable fluctuations in climate. These climate fluctuations have stressed the biosphere; biodiversity has been reduced and surviving common species tend to be hardier and more generalist than equivalent species on Earth or the Alpha Centauri A Gaian planet. The present climate is broadly similar to Earth's, has been more-or-less stable for the last few tens of thousands of years, and will probably remain stable for many millennia in the future.

Gaian class planet of Epsilon Indi A: This is the Epsindi homeworld.

This planet orbits close to its dim sun, around .5 AU, but nonetheless receives less light than Earth and is a chilly, marginal Gaian world despite a high level of atmospheric carbon dioxide. About a third of the planet's surface is ice-lidded ocean, vast continental glaciers, and cold deserts. The equatorial and subtropical regions are warm, but tend to be dry because the cool climate means less evaporation from the oceans and cooler air holds less water. The planet does not have very much continental crust; the land surface in the liquid water belt adds up to a few tens of millions of square kilometers. Compounding these problems, mountain ranges block rain from most of the warm land that does exist, so this is largely a world of ice, ocean, and desert. This geography means the human inhabitants of this world mostly live in narrow coastal strips of good land and on the many islands that dot the ocean in the liquid water belt. These restricted good lands are peppered with the broken, crumbling remains of the cities and other constructions of the fallen Epsindi civilization. The less technologically sophisticated present human inhabitants often make their humbler settlements in the shadow of these ruins.

Gaian class planet of Tau Ceti: This is the bonobo-like human world.

A smaller, older, less metal-rich world than Earth, for most of the last billion years this was a cool world with low and heavily eroded continental platforms. An upsurge of geologic activity in the last tens of millions of years has caused much new land uplift and mountain-building and also dramatically warmed the climate by pumping large amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere.

Today, the planet is much warmer than Earth. Snow and real cold happen only on mountains, in highland regions, and near the poles. There are essentially no permanent glaciers. Even the polar regions have almost subtropical weather in summer and the polar oceans are basically free of ice even in winter, though the polar lands do experience snow and cold during the dark polar winters. Greenhouse climates have lower equator to pole temperature contrasts, so the equatorial regions are not much warmer than Earth's; the entire planet from the equator to the poles has temperatures compatible with thriving plant and animal life.

Sea levels are high relative to the height of the continental platforms, so much of the continental platform area is covered by biologically rich shallow seas. There is less land than Earth, both absolutely and as a percentage of the surface area; the planet's surface is 25% land and the total land surface is around 110 million square kilometers (Earth's surface is 30% land and Earth's land surface is 150 million square kilometers). The land area is fragmented into multiple continents and many islands. Most land is not far from the sea and has a warm and wet climate. Thus, while there is land than Earth, more of that land is good land. The warm climate does intensify storms, and there are more poisonous plants than on Earth, but aside from this the planet is almost a tropical paradise, with little desert and no cold lands.

There is no large moon, but there are some captured asteroids in high elliptical orbits, the biggest of which is more than thirty kilometers on its long axis.

Gaian class planet of 40 Eridani A: This is the bearfolk world.

For the past few million years, this planet has been locked in a cycle in which its axis obliquity varies from only a few degrees to almost 60 degrees and back again over a few hundred thousand years. For most of this period the average temperature was relatively low and the planet was not very friendly to humans. Low obliquity eras were ice ages, while high obliquity eras had very hot summers and very cold winters. Life here has adapted to this cycle to some extent, but biodiversity has been considerably reduced by the stresses of the obliquity variations. During the cool period, much of the land surface was covered by a very simplified ecosystem in which most biomass was tough, fibrous, nutrient-poor grass-analogues and most animal biomass was a single species of large grazer.

In the last few tens of thousands of years the opening of a new, highly active volcanic rift under the ocean raised the atmospheric carbon dioxide level, warming the planet. This created conditions for forests and richer grasslands to thrive and spread and caused a large-scale collapse of the simple fibrous plant and big grazer ecosystem and its replacement by richer ecosystems (a development that may have been catalyzed by early bearfolk hunting of the big grazers and proto-agricultural ecosystem interventions). Today the planet is in a relatively low obliquity era (obliquity is presently similar to Earth's) and has an overall rather pleasant climate, a little warmer than Earth's. It superficially resembles a quite conventionally Earth-like rich Gaian world, but close inspection of the native plants and animals reveals a relatively low level of biodiversity and many hardy, generalist forms with ability to endure extremes of heat and cold and prolonged periods of darkness.

Many of this planet's native plants are poisonous or otherwise inedible or poorly nourishing to humans, and many of its native small animals are poisonous or venomous, an environmental difficulty that has been very significant to the bearfolk's evolution.

There are three continents, though one is relatively small and another is very thinly populated by the bearfolk because it is still mostly covered by the simplified tough fibrous grass-analogue and big grazer ecosystem where it isn't desert or glaciated. Most of the bearfolk live on one continent, a large land mass that stretches from the northern polar region to a point south of the Antarctic Circle.

Gaian class planet of Delta Pavonis: For most of its history this was cool and dry world, but its sun has now become a subgiant and dramatically increased in brightness, making this a hot marginal Gaian world. Average daytime temperature is over 90 F. There is little surface water, only small seas, so most of the surface is desert, a wasteland of sand and rock baking beneath a blazing, swollen sun. The atmosphere is thin; even in the lowlands oxygen levels resemble a highland such as Tibet on Earth. The thin atmosphere and lack of moisture means the nights can be quite chilly, as the temperature can fall rapidly and dramatically after the swollen sun goes down. The subgiant sun also floods the surface with increased UV radiation. Axis obliquity is low, so the climate is almost seasonless, a year-round brutally hot summer.

Most of the planet's remaining plant and animal life is in the small seas and in the vegetated areas around them. These vegetated areas are mostly scrub and "grassland" (technically not grass but a structurally similar native plant) surrounded by semi-desert, as the seas are mostly too small to generate enough evaporation to support extensive forests. Forests are restricted, mostly existing where highland regions close a sea catch rain.

Much of the planet's water is in vast subterranean aquifers (the planet has a lot of porous rock). These aquifers are interconnected with the small seas. Water from these aquifers wells up to the surface in many places, creating many oases in the desert.

Like the bonobo-like human world and the bearfolk world, this planet had some proto-humans transplanted to it within the last few million years. The Delta Pavonisian branch of the human family have evolved into a sapient species adapted to better endure the harsh conditions of their world; compared to Homo sapiens they have a greater capacity to endure high temperatures, a reduced reliance on perspiration, expanded lungs and increased hemoglobin to enable them to better extract oxygen from the thin air, and almost coal-black skin to protect them from the intense UV radiation of their subgiant sun.

Gaian class planet of Eta Cassiopeiae A: A rich Gaian world, though one with a rather limited land area. Most of the land is a single continent that runs from the fringes of the north polar region to the fringes of the south polar region. This continent is quite extensive in the north-south axis, but relatively narrow in the east-west axis. This continent has equivalents of almost every major land biome on Earth, including high-altitude ones in its mountains, so biodiversity is higher than one might expect given the limited land area. The biosphere is still recovering from a mass extinction event within the last two million years. Nights on this planet are often rather bright, illuminated by two sizable moons and the local sun's companion star Eta Cassiopeiae B.

[thatguymao]

tuesday

morning weight: 115.6 lbs

fasted: 20 hrs

cals consumed minus cals burned: 397 - 702

net cals: -405

~~~

another day where I managed to successfully stick to my plans :) I ate a ton of lettuce with broccoli (like 2 servings worth) to fill myself up. It took a good hour to get thru it all honestly, I got full very quick, but I knew I needed to finish them to lower the chances of a binge. I also had half a cornbread piece, chicken stock with tapatio (was surprisingly tasty and filling), and protein powder. I also caved and ate two mini oreo bites that I couldn't resist, but they were each 20cals, so it's fine. Along with my vitamins and electrolytes, today went pretty well food-wise.

I went on a longer walk than I anticipated after eating. Not that I'm complaining because I know for sure the number on the scale will drop by tmrw morning lol. I also managed to do some upper body exercises. That'll also definitely help.

Tmrw is a very busy day, I plan to go on a run first thing in the morning, quickly shower before class, visit the food pantry for free produce and food, study for a few hours until my work/study training later in the evening, and then finish any homework that I have left. I expect to burn about 600-800cals tmrw, so I'll try to eat that amount and stay at 0 net cals or less.

[aviatrix-ash]

I have no idea where I'm going to be this time next year. I'll be fully certified to maintain planes by the summer, and tho I will likely get my start playing with the flight school's planes sometime in the next few months when I get my Airframe license, if all works out, I may get with the local cargo planes after- but there's a high chance the airlines might snatch me up. I have little desire to go into the airlines, ngl, but I may if they bribe me enough, which will end up having to be pretty damn nice bribe cause I already known what the cargo guys have on the table. The offers I've seen from 3 of the biggest airlines so far are extremely lowballed in comparison. 😆Even then, I would still prefer to get into NOAA's Hurricane Hunter base. 😏

They say the airlines are desperate for A&Ps cause most of the people they had the last 20-40 years are retiring rn. + at the beginning of 'rona when all the airlines were grounded, they made thousands of their employees retire, 3 of my teachers in the last year were among em. It's kinda funny, one of teachers said they legit offered him 20k cash to retire on the spot early 2020, so of course he took that, I don't blame him! Tho now they're calling him up during class to come back to work. He turns it down each time cause even tho he's worked for em for 30 years, they keep offering their starting wages (16-18/hr depending on day or overnights) and he's like "I'm not squeezing into fuel tanks again for that!"

When the CEO of that one airline stopped by my class last month to whine about how he can't get any mechanics, but his wages would start at less than what I made in retail and top off at about the same as what I could make in any local warehouse. Like bruh, you want me to be held responsible for thousands and thousands of lives for that and I'd have to move to one of the most expensive cities in the US?? Nah bruh.🙃 Ngl tho, it's kinda nice getting to call some shots as the worker for once. Some of my old coworkers see it as stingy but the sheer level of liability and real consequences that can come if there'sa fuck up makes you think twice. Every older aircraft mechanic I've talked to say they keep a lawyer on speed dial, the companies and the feds will try to do everything in their power to make their job easy and fuck over the easiest person to get. And keeping good personal records of the work you did on a plane can be the only thing keeping you from being charged for murder. One of the museum guys I volunteer with said it almost happened to him because the airline had lost records of a repair someone else after him did. I've seen my Airframe instructor break down after retelling some of her legal battles. & my powerplant teacher says🔺️ deleted lots of old records back in 2011- the big airline that still flies jets that are 30+ years old. In normal US court of law you're innocent until proven guilty, with the FAA you're guilty of crashing a plane with 200 people on it until proven otherwise. Yah, not playing that game. I love aviation with all my being, but imo that type of stuff is more scary than flying any clapped out 1960s flight school shitbox plane. + yah, I highly value my free time and wellbeing, but I know exactly how dangerous this work can get and just what kind of toll it will take on me in time. My options are practically endless rn when I get that card, so I'm going to go with what's best for me. ((':

[eyenaku]

how long does it take you to make a piece? and which one is your favorite at the moment?

also, i love your stuff, it's really beautiful!! 💗

hehe thank you so much :3 it makes me super happy people enjoy em

As far as time, it really depends on the piece!

Bennie (my blue and white tattoo-ed torso) was nonstop work from the time I woke up to the time i slept (with ~1 hr of rest/eating total during the day) for a week straight just painting the details in underglaze. So ~70 hours for the details (including the digital mockups of each design) and around 20-30 for the sculpt itself.

Dawn Warden took less time than that by a little, and the wards took far less (I'd estimate 10-15 hours on Sun Ward and 20-25 on Moon Ward). Dusk Warden took less time than Dawn Warden, but not by much.

My masks take the least amount of time! probably 8? hours each for the sculpts, and about 30 mins - 1 hour for the "painting" (adding glazes, underglazes, etc). The raku firing ate up most of a day, but a lot of that is waiting.

I can't pick a favourite piece but at the moment I'm most proud of Dawn Warden for sure! I'm proud for many reasons, the least of which being that it was done in porcelain (I hate working with porcelain). I also feel that Bennie is underrated, same with my Saudade set

[librarot]

the way it took me over 2 hrs to focus on doing a new carrd learning from a video that was less than 20 mins

[transmortaltv]

1. I tend to lean more digital...but I'm not sure that I prefer one over the other.

2. I have been drawing since before my earliest memory, so maybe 26ish yrs? Being creative is something I feel is an inherent part of me.

3. I took basic drawing, painting, and digital art in highschool...then pursued a bachelor's in graphic design in college...so I've taken more classes than I can count off the top of my head.

4. I mostly just post here and Instagram when it comes to art (I'm on Twitch/Youtube/Twitter for gaming content)...I'm bad very bad at social media.

5. My favorite things to draw are characters...usually with hoods and masks. I have always loved drawing Kirby characters... they bring a sort of comfort to me and robots are also pretty high up there in the list...

6. My least favorite thing to draw are hands and backgrounds because I am most unfamiliar with them and they stress me out.

7. I use references a lot...I learned in school that drawing from real life references allows you to truly visualize something in 3d space and it helps a good bit.

8. I have done quite a few commissions and work semi-frequently with Empire Comic Con in Savannah Ga to provide them with fun visual material for their events...but I mostly develop my own characters to be used in future projects 👀

9. On a daily basis overall I do not draw a lot...I personally am recovering from a very toxic mindset surrounding my art and been in a bit of a burnout/block for a while. I'm working to get back to the core of what makes creativity sincere and fun!

10. I'm fairly confident in my art looking back at it after the fact, specifically whenever a piece is done. Somehow they ALWAYS seem to finally come together at the end.

11. I follow very few artist blogs...I follow many artists on Instagram...but I think no more than 5 blogs (I'm new here)

12. I welcome any questions about my creative process or art advice...if you have any questions about art ever and think I could help I'm more than willing to try!

13. I always prefer to share the art I'm most proud of, whether it was personal or not...I think connecting and sharing it is what it's all about.

14. I don't collab usually...I'm very much a "too many cooks in the kitchen" kinda guy...

15. My works depending on the level of detail range anywhere from 2-10 hrs total maybe?

16. I draw less than I have in the past...I used to draw every day for fun, but as I get older I have to deal with the struggle of the weight of perfectionism and "it needing to be about something"

17. I think everyone is justified in some context to give art advice when asked...we all learn at different rates and everyone has something valuable to share.

18. Right now I'm just trying to improve my motivation to just create freely!

19. The most difficult thing for me to draw is probably feminine faces...It's very frustrating to me that this is a struggle.

20. I feel most comfortable drawing Kirby Characters...I doodled them constantly as a kid growing up and they just feel like home to me.

21. I feel like saying I LOVE to be challenged is disingenuous...initially I hate the overwhelming feeling, It's always stressful and almost makes me feel sick...but when I power through I love the end results and am happy I went through it after the fact. I feel every new piece I do challenges me to learn something new.

22. I try not to be over-confident about much...but looking at newer art of mine compared to my older stuff...I think I can safely say that I am improving...even if very slowly.

23. I feel like I draw more fanart than I used to just by the nature of me drawing for social media...I do a lot of speed drawing on Twitch...but traditionally overall I think I draw more original characters.

24. I don't think I ever feel jealous about someone elses art. I feel like that implies a certain level of resentment toward their work which I don't feel. I'm not a very competitive person when it comes to creativity and I don't feel like someone being good means you can't ALSO be good; therefore, there's never a reason to angrily covet someone elses capabilities. Sometimes I do struggle with feeling much less desirable/adequate as an artist than them or at a disadvantage...but I dont see how that's thwir fault...I believe one should channel that INTO inspiration to try to improve.

25. When I draw I like to put on music or a show that connects me to what I'm drawing. Maybe it's music that I feel like the character would like, or maybe a show that inspires me to create this world in the first place...the more it puts me in the world I'm drawing the better.

26. I mostly use Procreate with the Apple Pencil because I'm working to cut Adobe out of my life...but I also am well versed in Clip Studio and Photoshop.

27. For my more cartoonish style stuff...it's usually only about 5 layers in the end...but that requires a lot of creating new layers and merging throughout the process as well.

28. Oddly enough...when I draw traditionally I prefer a mechanical pencil for sketching followed up by inking with Prismacolor pens/Markers...or scanning in the pen illustration and coloring digitallyl

29. To start a drawing I like to get the line of action and rough layout of characters down then build off of that. It helps with proportions and anatomy which is not usually my strong suit.

30. What inspires me most is the stories that make an impact on me as a person. Movies, Games, Books, Shows, Comics...they have the ability to teach us in almost a parable fashion. There is usually a lesson we can learn from them...I want to do that too...I want to create and inspire. People say art is what we learn from the most left behind by past civilizations...Your creativity pushes others in ways you might not understand now.

Artist Asks!

Do you prefer traditional drawing, or digital?

How long have you been drawing?

How many classes have you taken?

Do you have a DeviantArt, personal website, or art blog?

What’s your favorite thing to draw?

What’s your least favorite thing to draw?

How often do you use references?

Do you draw professionally, or just for fun?

How much time do you spend drawing on an average day?

Are you confident about your art?

How many art-related blogs do you follow?

Is it okay for people to ask you about your process?

Do you prefer to keep your art personal, or do you like drawing things for other people?

Do you ever collaborate with others?

How long does an average piece take you to complete?

Do you draw more today than you did in the past, or do you draw less?

Do you think you’re justified in giving other people art advice?

What are you currently trying to improve on?

What is the most difficult thing for you to draw?

What is the easiest thing for you to draw?

Do you like to challenge yourself?

Are you confident that you’re improving steadily?

Do you draw more fanart, or more original art?

Do you feel jealous when you see other people’s art, or inspired? (Be honest!)

Do you like to draw in silence, or with music?

For digital artists: what program(s) do you use?

For digital artists: how many layers does a typical piece require?

For traditional artists: what medium do you like most? (Pencil, charcoals, etc)

For traditional artists: How do you usually start on a big piece? (Light sketch, colored lead, sketchpaper, etc)

What inspires you to not just make art, but to be a better artist?

[hergladiatorjellyfish]

11/11/2024

When I was in my early twenties, I moved in with my aunt to help take care of my two little cousins. She had some personal stuff going on then and I would be so busy with the kids that I barely noticed anything she did.

Until I saw one of her journals sitting on the kitchen counter. I read a little bit and that's when I found out she had an eating disorder. It's then that I noticed that she really didn't eat at that much. I'd cook dinner for the kids and I'd make her a plate for when she came home from work and she'd say "I'll eat it later." I didn't think anything of it before I had read her journal. I always took her word and carried on.

I to this day don't know if she just threw the food out when me and the kids were in bed or what. Then when I did laundry, I actually looked at her size and she was wearing XS. She even told me once that her doctor said she needed to gain weight because she was underweight.

All of this flew right beneath my nose and I had no idea until I read what she wrote in that journal. I was young, I was like 20 or 21 back then.

She's doing much better now. She has mental health support and is just overall much better than when I lived with her. She's at a healthy weight now.

It was after that moment that I started doing research on eating disorders. I watched documentaries, read articles, watched YouTube videos. I learned as much as I could about it.

For a while, I was fine. I was still obese back then but I was comfortable in my body. But then I met this boy and we had been seeing each other for a while. (We were just messing around and hooking up) He started commenting on my weight and telling me what his family said about my weight. One time he even said "if you were skinny. I'd date you in a heartbeat."

It started a spiral of thoughts of my elementary and high school years. On how some snot nose kids would tease me about how chubby I was. Even how my family on my dad's side would make snide remarks and laugh at my expense.

So one day, after a night out with that boy I was seeing, I'd look at my aunt and see how skinny she was and see how small her clothes were and I decided then that I would lose weight and I had a goal to be small like my aunt was.

I started with what I had read about. Restrict and exercise. For a while I was losing weight fast. But my aunt was catching on on what I was doing.

She asked me one day when I denied a plate of food at a community BBQ if I'd been eating less and working out more. I panicked and said no and got up and got a plate of food (even though I was genuinely not hungry.) I did my first ever 24 hr fast a few days later.

I was looking for @n@ forums on the internet and came across the 3dblr community. Hence here I am now.

I was down to 209lbs before my dad got this apartment and I moved in with him. About a week after we moved in. My dad had a stroke. After that I ended up gaining 68 LBS over a 5 year span.

I decided to start to lose weight in June and I'm back on 3dblr. I'm down 43 lbs and have 22 more to go to get to the same weight I was 5 years ago.

So that's my story.