#๐๐ชผ๐ฆ๐ ๐๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐๐ก <- calming aquarium trip for you!!
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Hello! I have a Situation and its totally cool if you're not able to give advice but im looking for advice anyway bc im autistic and have no idea how to navigate romantic situations.
So ive had a friend since i was 12 her pronouns are she/they so i will be using both. Im now 20 and they're 21. I've known I like girls since i was 13. And shes pan.
So, in the past, ive had like fleeting thoughts of dating/kissing them but i usually just shake my head and think "nah i cant possibly want to date her bc they're my best friend, i just have very strong platonic feelings." Like Very Strong. Ive literally said that i will always compare my feelings for a future romantic partner with my feelings for her bc they're so strong.
So im honestly not sure if i would know if i was in love with someone unless it hit me in the face, and i am currently feeling like it has hit me in the face. I woke up at like 4 am last night from a dream just thinking "omygosh im in love with her" and ive been journaling and thinking all day ahout my feelings and im starting to think ive just been in strong denial/oblivious about my feelings. Both bc im autistic and have difficulty identifying emotions and bc im demiromantic and rarely experience romantic attraction so i dont have much experience with it.
I guess the point of this ask is about any advice you can give regarding knowing if i actually have romantic feelings and if i do,, like what do i do about it??? Should i tell them? We have a really strong friendship and i dont wanna make her uncomfortable. I think ill be okay not acting on my feelings but its been literally less than 24 hrs since realizing my feelings might be romantic and i dont know if it will be difficult to hide or what to do about it. They're also like my only close friend so i cant just ask her what to do like i would normally, which is why im asking you.
Again, i understand if you cant answer this bc its a pretty personal situation but i would appreciate any advice.
Thank you! :)
Ahh once again prefacing with the fact that I am really Not Qualified to give advice on most things๐
but I can give you my take as an outsider on the situation and with my (very limited experience) in case that might help you at all, but again really take all of this with a LARGE grain of salt i am a VERY unqualified stranger on the internet so most of what i say is probably nonsense๐
I feel like this is like my go to advice but Iโd say just wait it out tbh, as someone who was in capital L love with their childhood best friend for a while it really just came down to time for me. It took a while for me to be sure whether the feelings were romantic or platonic for SURE. Especially since the platonic love stayed for me even when the romantic love began๐คทโโ๏ธ it made it extra tricky to tell lol.
My โoh this is NOT just platonicโ realization came from YEARS of excessive thinking about them, WAY too much jealousy when they dated other people, a LOT of thoughts and urges about holding their hand, a lot of comparing them to people i had passing crushes on, and (i kid you not) an embarrassing amount of love poems teenage me wrote about them lol๐
However! The slow process and thinking it through also lead me to the conclusion that i did NOT want to date them. Being a couple just wouldnโt work for us and I value them so so so SO much as my best friend and really need them in my life as that separate, constant, platonic relationship that I deeply love and care for. It works better for us than any sort of dating could๐คทโโ๏ธ not to mention all of our other clashing traits that just wouldnโt work if our relationship was romantic. And now Iโm honestly really not romantically interested in them anymore, theyโre just my best friend and always will be :)
I dont think itโs too unusual to fall a bit (or a lot) romantically in love with a best or close friend, I think the more important thing to recognize is whether itโs something worth acting on, that youโre willing to act on, and that will be good for both of you to act on
So Iโd say ruminate on it! Thereโs no pressure to figure it out, if you start getting too preoccupied with it you can try talking it through with them, not even as a confession type thing, you can simply have a conversation letting them know youโre a little confused or wanting their opinion if you think theyโll be receptive to it. Best I can tell you is that thereโs no clock on figuring it out, thereโs no โrightโ way to define what type of love you feel, and to remember that either way youโve got a great person in your life. Iโm very sorry I canโt be more help and if anyone has any other advice feel free to leave it in the notes for this person! Good luck to you and I hope you find what youโre looking for soon <3!!
#asks#if i remember right this is my fourth case of giving probably shit advice im so sorry anon#ALSO remember to trust yourself more than me or anyone else you ask for advice๐ช#also ALSO sorry i talk a lot#i talk more when i get uncertain about what iโm saying๐#again im very sorry but im wishing you SO much luck#๐๐ชผ๐ฆ๐ ๐๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐๐ก <- calming aquarium trip for you!!
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