#if i remember right this is my fourth case of giving probably shit advice im so sorry anon

[napping-sapphic]

Hello! I have a Situation and its totally cool if you're not able to give advice but im looking for advice anyway bc im autistic and have no idea how to navigate romantic situations.

So ive had a friend since i was 12 her pronouns are she/they so i will be using both. Im now 20 and they're 21. I've known I like girls since i was 13. And shes pan.

So, in the past, ive had like fleeting thoughts of dating/kissing them but i usually just shake my head and think "nah i cant possibly want to date her bc they're my best friend, i just have very strong platonic feelings." Like Very Strong. Ive literally said that i will always compare my feelings for a future romantic partner with my feelings for her bc they're so strong.

So im honestly not sure if i would know if i was in love with someone unless it hit me in the face, and i am currently feeling like it has hit me in the face. I woke up at like 4 am last night from a dream just thinking "omygosh im in love with her" and ive been journaling and thinking all day ahout my feelings and im starting to think ive just been in strong denial/oblivious about my feelings. Both bc im autistic and have difficulty identifying emotions and bc im demiromantic and rarely experience romantic attraction so i dont have much experience with it.

I guess the point of this ask is about any advice you can give regarding knowing if i actually have romantic feelings and if i do,, like what do i do about it??? Should i tell them? We have a really strong friendship and i dont wanna make her uncomfortable. I think ill be okay not acting on my feelings but its been literally less than 24 hrs since realizing my feelings might be romantic and i dont know if it will be difficult to hide or what to do about it. They're also like my only close friend so i cant just ask her what to do like i would normally, which is why im asking you.

Again, i understand if you cant answer this bc its a pretty personal situation but i would appreciate any advice.

Thank you! :)

Ahh once again prefacing with the fact that I am really Not Qualified to give advice on most things😅 but I can give you my take as an outsider on the situation and with my (very limited experience) in case that might help you at all, but again really take all of this with a LARGE grain of salt i am a VERY unqualified stranger on the internet so most of what i say is probably nonsense😅

I feel like this is like my go to advice but I’d say just wait it out tbh, as someone who was in capital L love with their childhood best friend for a while it really just came down to time for me. It took a while for me to be sure whether the feelings were romantic or platonic for SURE. Especially since the platonic love stayed for me even when the romantic love began🤷‍♀️ it made it extra tricky to tell lol.

My ‘oh this is NOT just platonic’ realization came from YEARS of excessive thinking about them, WAY too much jealousy when they dated other people, a LOT of thoughts and urges about holding their hand, a lot of comparing them to people i had passing crushes on, and (i kid you not) an embarrassing amount of love poems teenage me wrote about them lol😅

However! The slow process and thinking it through also lead me to the conclusion that i did NOT want to date them. Being a couple just wouldn’t work for us and I value them so so so SO much as my best friend and really need them in my life as that separate, constant, platonic relationship that I deeply love and care for. It works better for us than any sort of dating could🤷‍♀️ not to mention all of our other clashing traits that just wouldn’t work if our relationship was romantic. And now I’m honestly really not romantically interested in them anymore, they’re just my best friend and always will be :)

I dont think it’s too unusual to fall a bit (or a lot) romantically in love with a best or close friend, I think the more important thing to recognize is whether it’s something worth acting on, that you’re willing to act on, and that will be good for both of you to act on

So I’d say ruminate on it! There’s no pressure to figure it out, if you start getting too preoccupied with it you can try talking it through with them, not even as a confession type thing, you can simply have a conversation letting them know you’re a little confused or wanting their opinion if you think they’ll be receptive to it. Best I can tell you is that there’s no clock on figuring it out, there’s no “right” way to define what type of love you feel, and to remember that either way you’ve got a great person in your life. I’m very sorry I can’t be more help and if anyone has any other advice feel free to leave it in the notes for this person! Good luck to you and I hope you find what you’re looking for soon <3!!

[twistoffatee-blog2]

heres my short story.

Regret

Regret is what I’m feeling right about now.  I don’t even know why I bothered texting him. I guess it’s because I was hoping for a miracle.  Ha… miracles never happen for me.  Especially when it comes to boys.  I will never admit it out loud, but I really hope I found Mr. Right one day. Although, I also think I feel this way because I am bored in life right now.  But, lets get one thing straight. I do NOT need a man to make me happy in life nor do I depended on them for my happiness. That’s weak shit right there. Women out there, please be strong, independent, and never count on a man to put a smile on your face.  There is SO much more to be thankful for. I know my family is what I am most thankful for.  Shit, without them I would be no where.  I love them more than life itself.  But, anyways, enough of the sappy family talk. I came here to talk about boys right? Ugh, yes. I don’t know why girls constantly think they can change boys. It will NEVER happen!.  I thought that if I texted this guy that I had feelings for back in high school (oh yeah did I mention he has a girlfriend and I was aware of it… oops) that he would be happy to hear from me and want to hangout and catch up.  Ugh, girl what were you thinking?  I should’ve known he was going to reply but ONLY once and that’s it. His girlfriend is obviously number 1 in his life right now and I’m nothing.  I don’t even know if this guy is the same guy I had feelings for back in high school, but hey, you never know if you don’t try right?.  Well, anyways, I am still waiting for another text back and its been 2 hours.  Pathetic that I am even keeping track of how long its been and desperately waiting and looking at my phone for a reply.  I know its not coming, but a girl can only dream.  It hurts you know?.  I just didn’t think it would hurt me this much.  Fuck, I told myself to be strong and to not let it bother me, but of course it does!!!.  Whatever, I’m only human.  Or should I say a girl!. I wonder if he is thinking about me right now and wants to reply or he is just simply ignoring my texts because he only cares about his girlfriend.  Definitely the second one.  Not to mention, I wonder if his girlfriend is aware that I texted him and it was actually her that replied???.  I know if that was my boyfriend and some girl was texting my man I would for sure reply to that bitch lol.  I mean the text did seem a little off. He mentioned that it has been 6 or 7 years, but to me its only been 5.  But to him he could be been counting since the time we started hanging out.  Aw that’s cute. No, no, no…. ugh stop it!. Stop thinking that this boy is going to text you again and that his text actually meant something because it didn’t!.  He has a girlfriend and you mean NOTHING to him dumbass!.  Like I said, a girl can only dream.  I guess now all I can do is listen to every sad song I know while thinking about how stupid I was for sending that text.  Yep, that’s what I’m going to do.  Goodnight loser.

Love, Me.

 Ok, so he replied.

He said “It’s cool, were fine.”  WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?????.  i mean I said hopefully maybe we can be friends again one day and he didn’t answer so I replied with “guess not lol” and he replies with that?.  Um, ok??????.  Now instead of sadness all I feel is anger!!!!!. What do I even say to that?.  Should I reply with an smiley face emoji or try to keep the convo going or ask him to catch up? (again knowing that he has girlfriend) (Why am I such a bitch?).  I don’t even know. But what I do know is that I hate boys and everything they stand for.  Except for my baby brother, he is the only boy who owns my heart. But, yeah, what the fuck man. What should I say!!!!!!!. My brain is telling me to say nothing but at the same time I want to ask him to catch up (again for the third time knowing he has a girlfriend… yes I know im a bitch, thanks).  I know he is just going to say no and tell me the whole “I have a girlfriend and I can’t be hitting on him speech.” But is it worth a try my friends?.  I think not. But… I think I might. But… at the same time I really don’t feel like being embarrassed and turned down. Nope. Don’t want to go through that. Nope. Random thought but, hey anyone remember that book a chicken soup for the girl’s soul? Damn, I feel like I could really use that book right now lol.  6th grade me did not appreciate that book enough.  Anyways, enough with my random and stupid flashbacks, FOCUS HERE WE GOT A TEXT TO ANSWER. Or we don’t. Ugh I don’t even know anymore.  

Ok update…. I texted asking if he wanted to catch up one day, and yes I know im going to get the stupid “I have a girlfriend and I can’t be talking to you” talk but my stupid weak heart went for it.  I hate myself. I will give the embarrassing update when I get one. Im dreading this… yep.

P.s. I AM FUCKING SWEATING DREADING FOR THIS TURNED DOWN TEXT. OK BYE.

Ok so a little update from the last time I was venting my feelings. The last text I sent about catching up he said he wasn’t ever really in New York anymore because he goes to school up in North Carolina but then I mentioned how I am home now since I graduated over the summer so if hes ever home for break or something, that im here and he said ok sounds good.  I never expected him to say but, then again he could just be saying that because he just feels simply bad for me or he genuinely thinks that sounds like a good idea. Then again, I think it’s the first one because I texted him a couple days ago and he NEVER answered!!.  No, it wasn’t a flirty text either, it was simply a text about a funny old memory but he never answered, and let me tell you something, I didn’t think it was going to effect me if he didn’t answer but guess what.. OF COURSE IT DID!!.  I mean, this guy was the best thing that happened to me in high school and I let it all slip away and now he’s with some gorgeous girl and has forgotten all about me. UGH, ok stop this girl your better than this!!.  I really wish I could say I wasn’t sad about this but I am, unfortunately I fucking am. I’m actually hating myself for being sad because I feel WEAK and that is the last thing I ever let myself feel when it comes to guys.  The one thing that is seriously running through my mind is WHY didn’t he answer. Was it because he simply didn’t give a shit and could care less that I texted or was it because he did want to answer but his girlfriend found out and she doesn’t want him texting me, or hes feeling guilty about talking to someone who he used to have a thing with back in high school?.  Either way, I hope hes thinking about me… BUT! at the same time I hope he knows that was a fucking DICK move and im super pissed at him right now.  I really want to send that angry “well if you didn’t want to talk to me or be friends with me all you have to do is be honest and say it to me rather then ignore me” text, but I don’t know the reasoning behind him not answering either so I don’t want to jump to conclusions either.  There is also the fact that we are technically in a good state and what if he ends up texting me one day, I don’t want things to be weird.  But mainly, I DON’T want to see desperate.  Girls, please never show how eager you are to talk to a guy, it doesn’t look good at all, let HIM come to YOU!.  I am going to be throwing a bunch of advice in here so please get a pencil and write this shit down or just simply memorize it ok? Thanks!. Anyways, it sucks being sad over this guy. I knew what I was setting myself up for by sending him the very first text.  He could answer or ignore me.  I feel like in the end he just ignored me.  Yes, he answered the first text but he played me and led it on like were cool and could potientally be friends but I was fooled.  That was never the case.  He has a girlfriend and I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s always going to choose her over me.  Im going to tell myself what I would telling one of my friends if they came to me with this and wanted advice.  “First off, lets be honest, you knew this wasn’t going to end up being you and him texting every day and becoming close again and talking about how much you miss each other and him dumping his girlfriend for you. Lets get into reality here and admit that you knew it was going to be one quick convo and you would probably never hear from him again ok?.  Ok. Second, fuck him! DON’T text him back, oh god no.  Do you want him to know that your upset and he hurt you by not answering a fucking text? Please girl, show him you could give two shits if he texts you or not. Show him you a way better off without him in your life and don’t need him, bitch bye!.  Third, delete him from your contacts.  You don’t want to be scrolling through your contacts and see his name there.  The less you are reminded of him the better!.  Like I said, let him come to you!.  Don’t loose sleep over someone who doesn’t loose sleep over you.  Please!.  Fourth, do other things such as spend time with friends, or binge watch your favorite movies, or go shopping, do anything that makes YOU happy.  Do anything that will get your mind off of him.  The less you do things that distract you, the less he will pop up in your head and soon he will just be a memory again”.  All the advice I just said was GOLD! I hope you girls wrote this shit down.  Anyways, im going to go watch some movies, I will be back again If there are any updates on this situation.  I kind of want to call this “Situation BS”.  And no, that doesn’t stand for situation bullshit, it stands for situation Boys SUCK! JJJJJJJJJ.  And if there happens to be any updates I will come back saying “CODE RED, CODE RED, CODE RED!!”.  Wow, I just realized cool I really am.  Sigh.  There probably wont be any updates but if by gods miracle there is ill be back!.

           Well, I decided to give in and text him and ask why he was ignoring me and well, lets just say I regret ever texting him in the first place.  I really just want to cry into my pillow right now and stay in my room for the day but I wont let him get that satisfaction.  I will cry for a little bit because its ok to cry.  Its ok to feel sad and let everything out.  Please never think that being sad isn’t ok, because it is.  Its important to acknowledge how your feeling and to not bottle up your emotions. Holding in everything will just call for a serious breakdown later on.  But, I ended up getting told by him that basically its not best for us to be talking because we haven’t seen or spoken to each other in 7 years and he lives 600 miles away now and has had the same girlfriend for over 2 years.  Yeah, can you believe it? He finally had the balls to mention his girlfriend.  Congratulations you pussy!.  I didn’t know people couldn’t be friends if they lived far away from each other.  One of my best friends from high school went away to college 5 hours away from me and we still kept in contact and remained friends to this day.  I guess im just some hook up whore to him from his past.  I guess that is all I ever will be remembered to him as.  Some bitch he would hook up with in high school and left behind in his old town that he grew up in.  He has this perfect life now 600 miles away and I cant be apart of that, because im his past.  I’m a blurry memory and nothing more.  I didn’t know that just because you haven’t talked to someone in a while that you cant reconnect with them.  To me that is one of the best feelings.  To hear from an old friend and know that they were thinking of you.  It means you meant something to that person and you were important enough for them to make time for you and reach out. Ive seen it happen plenty of times, but I when I try to do it, I basically just get a big fuck you. I don’t even know why I tried. Well, actually yes I do. I was hoping he would miss me too.  I was hoping he wanted to be in my life too.  I was hoping I still meant something to him too.  I was hoping he thought I was important to him too.  I was hoping I was someone he still cared about too.  I believed in hope too much this time.  I should of known that just because he replied the first time that it actually meant something.  He was just trying to be “nice” so he wouldn’t have to hear from me again. Well, guess what, he will never have to worry about that again.  Sometimes when your too nice in life it just ends up backfiring on you.  People will take advantage of that and not give one single shit how it affects you.  That’s why im done being nice.  Im tired of being stepped all over.  Im tired of people leading me on and acting like its ok to play with my feelings. That is not fucking ok.  Nothing is worse than feeling like you have a chance when you don’t.  This is why I feel I distant myself from people.  I always end up getting hurt and I didn’t want to feel like this again, but of course I do.  Its like I attract this kind of negativity in my life.  Sometimes I feel I cant even be around people because im so depressed that I will suck the happy out of them.  Im just like this dark cloud and its always raining around me.  I really got to stop talking like this though. Just because something bad like this happened today doesn’t mean the sun wont come up tomorrow.  It doesn’t mean im not surrounded  by people who love and care about me.  People who genuinely do….unlike some people.  My family.  Family are the one thing that will never lie, hurt, or betray you.  It’s the one thing in life you can ALWAYS count on and I am so grateful for mine.  The are the reason why I wont be upset about this.  But, girls, never feel guilty for sticking up for yourself and telling someone how you really feel.  I know I put myself in a bad situation with this guy considering I knew the circumstances of everything but one thing I wont feel guilty for is telling him off.  You don’t play with someone and act like your cool again and then ignore them and not have the balls to tell them something unless they confront you.  Honestly just because he had a girlfriend, doesn’t mean I didn’t want him in my life.  I just missed him, that’s all. I know I stated in the beginning that I regret was the one thing I felt, but that isn’t the case anymore.  I feel content.  I tried to reconnect with and old friend and he didn’t want that and that’s ok.  Not my loss, its his J.  If someone doesn’t want you in their life, that’s ok.  Move on and focus on whats right in front of you.  Your alive, you woke up this morning, you health is great, and you got the people in your life who really matter, your family, friends, and loved ones.  Those who truly care about you will show it.  Don’t forget that.