#this server makes me feel so much
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When the bomb went off, do you think it almost looked like a sunset? Do you think Jaiden saw it and smiled?
#i talk#qsmp talk#I politely refuse the potential canon Jaiden suggested for her character#but I can't stop thinking about this#I started typing this out earlier and nearly made myself cry but mid-post that glitch happened to Quackity#and I laughed instead#this server makes me feel so much#man...
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in light of tedtrent becoming so real, im also jumping on the tedtrent epilogue 😊
there's just no way ted wouldn't keep in touch with the others (and have weekly zoom meetings just like in the christmas special) and I just love the thought of the whole team having reunions once in a while.
and going back to trent's arc in s3, the sunflowers conversation, "And your daughter?" "She's never been happier." I think it could go the same for ted.. we've never really properly saw how henry felt about his dad being in london, it's always other people that told ted his son misses him, who's to say henry would rather see his dad happy because that in turn would make him happy too? he was there to win the whole thing, right? I just know ted’s story isn’t done yet when he still hasn’t learned to let others take care of him in return and who else to pair him with than the man who blew up his career because a man was nice to him (and also because they were so. so cruel for the fakeout tedbecca scenes for that finale) 🥺
I'm no writer so just pretend these are snapshots of a slow burn fic where ted visits london for their team reunion and slowly realizes that trent has a crush on him and they kiss about it 💛
#ted lasso#trent crimm#tedependent#ted lasso fanart#tedtrent#ted x trent#I HAVE SOOOOOO MUCH MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS BTW its just that its 4am rn and i cannot type down my thoughts for the life of me </3#im just so not over that ending and how weird it felt for ted to end his story like that.. not like he can turn back to michelle since#dr. jacob is right there.. i want this man to feel loved and cared for and actually have a place he knows he can call home and that was#richmond for me.. to the family we were born with. and to the family we make along the way etc etc etc#ted lasso spoilers#<- FORGOT ABOUT THAT.#i can finally say i loved the ending for all the callbacks and stuff but I NEED THIS MAN TO BE HELDDDD!!!!! *everything explodes around me*#he even went back there WITHOUT BEARD :( his bestfriend for sooo long who was there for all their ups and downs. i dont like beard and jane#being together but the fact ted didnt even go to their wedding too like ...??! what is going onnnn#also graying lasso is just something so indulgent for me . hush#pn.art#JUST YKNOW!!! I HOPE YALL UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SAYING ITS REALLY REALLY LATE I PROBABLY SHOULDVE WAITED TILL LATER TO POST THIS BUT JAHJVAKDG#my memory is really bad too so i could also be misremembering scenes and im too eepy to check the scenes i had in mind so u_u#ALSO apologies that its taking me sooo long to draw things i recently joined a mc server and ive been playing it all day and night HFSJGFSH#im sooo scared of making these type of posts because i dont have the balls to make the wrong choices in other people's eyes but GRAAH!!!!!#<- i love tedtrent bUT WHAT IF PEOPLE THINK IM CRINGGGEEEE!!!!!#THATS ALL.... i have more drawings in mind that ill get around to later.. for now goodnight <3
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i’m so excited to be able to annotate as i read along this time. i have been MISSING lockwood and lucy banter, and i love how the book starts off with sillies from them
“Okay,” I said. “Remember our new rules. Don’t blab about everything you see. Don’t speculate openly about who killed who, how, or when. And, above all, don’t impersonate the client. Please. It never goes down well.” “That’s an awful lot of don’ts, Lucy,” Lockwood said. “I’ve plenty more,” - The Screaming Staircase, p. 4
and like that’s just the beginning of their sillies like bro why is lockwood mentioning the mouse sized death glow he can see?? mans just trying to show off i can hear his big grin from here
but also like… do bugs have death glows? is it any living creature?? what’s the limits??? i have questions
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i'm rereading this as part of a lockwood and co book club - this week we read part one of the screaming staircase! i even made a discord server if you want to pop over (I'm andy!) <3
#lockwood library#lockwood and co#save lockwood and co#the screaming staircase#anthony lockwood#lucy carlyle#lockwood and co book club#lockwood and co books#lockwoodlibrary#lockwood has so much charisma its literally dripping off the pages#ive never run a discord server with more than just me and my one friend in it so pls be kind and patient w me#i just wanna make lockwood and co friends#talk abt how theyre all sillies#and also how they make me feel insane#its all i ask for#iconic book openings
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maybe it's the loneliness talking but i keep eyeing my old semi-abandoned minecraft streaming discord server........
#like. idk if the friends who are still in that server would even want to still be notified of me 'streaming'#but like......the desire to talk to people while minecrafting is Strong......#<- i've had so much fun with the voice memo ask games lately and it felt similar to when i used to 'stream'#and people would ask questions or hang out in the chat#elle rambles#honestly at this point maybe i'd just delete my old one and make a new one#so i wouldn't feel like i was bothering any of the old friends in that one? and any friend could join? hhhmmmm.....#again though. like. i can't tell if Being Lonely is a good enough reason to start it up again (though i also can't really think of many con#sdlkjsdlgj aside from the fact that whenever i annouend i was streaming i Did lowkey feel like i was bothering people. which.#is not really a Con in and of itself and more something i just had to get over. hmm)
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okaasan
#my art#shared my jungle headcanons with a bunch of the people on here in the mo4 tumblr mutual server and they all liked them thus enabling me#not a day passes by where i don't think about jungle and the mom robot. i still don't know if axez meant her as a joke or something serious#but FUCK it gets me so torn up. i assume all the mdcr executives were individually in charge of designing their own robots#and jungle deliberately designed his after his potentially dead mother.#sure we don't know anything about jungle's family in canon (much less if he even had one) but i feel it's a fair guess to say he did#at the very least he chose to create something that looked very similar to him and then decided to address it as “mom”#idk it just hammers in the fact that he's still a kid to me. a kid who misses his mom and wants her to keep him safe from sigkin's wrath#did i mention he makes me sad yet! cause he does.#anyway hiii new followers/friends i made through said mo4 server ^_^ hope you are all ready for me to be So Annoying about this guy /pos#marikinonline4#mo4#marikin online 4#jungle takahashi#jungle mother z#jungle sunday
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ive posted so much every single day on this blog for weeks now i feel weird having barely posted today . ive been busy but uhhh heres a random image i never posted from my tadc art folder?
#i know i dont need to post a lot or anything and im deliberately not gonna make that some sort of rule for myself#can post whenever i want to. its just become smth i do so much that it feels strange that i didnt today#worked on that image then complained abt smth silly to my friends for like an hr and then did smth i cannot remember anymore#then watched some circus videos from my playlist again#and now its 11.... i still need to finish the art#i think im at the intimidated stage of it#bc everything i have to do for it is so finicky#im putting off some parts of it bc idrk how to render a hammer and ribbons realistically#using some ref images but theyre at diff angles of diff colors and w diff lighting...#but. yeah. i made sure i did draw pomni today though. keep my bones safe#(its not the image in the post. its in my sketchbook#this image is from a while ago... back when i was playing around w pomnis design still)#(i played around a while w the idea of one of pomnis eyes being upside down but it never actually read right or was clear#that thats what was going on so i gave up)#but gonna spend some more time on the image. its hard but itll haunt me more if i put it off#also actually a quick note:#my posting habits will prob change next month#sister and my niece r coming to live w us so that might change when im online :)#and around may/june im gonna be back in the ento labbbbbbbb#so. expect activity to go down in the summer#oh and this is too many tags uhhh but i dont feel like making it its own post either:#that like. asks r open and if were muts i have a discord. uh thaats it#im not in any silly circus servers but some day id like to be#idk why im saying that now. but i like talking to people but idk how obvious i make that#i mean. im inconsistent sometimes w replying but. grims and sniles ok
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I love Frieren and Himmel's relationship so much and I mean of course I do there's so much to love. An elf that thinks a human's life passes away in the blink of an eye and human that loves her? I'm already hooked. But add into that he doesn't say anything because he knows nothing will come of it with how she views things when he knows her and is content to just admire her for all she is as she is? The fact that she cares for him in spite of thinking his life is so short and getting to know him in the time they were together but regretting not coming to know him better after he died? I mean she's literally following their journey and remembering him along the way and the end destination is the chance to see him again, but I feel like she'll realize she truly know and loved him even if they never reach heaven.
And there's just. So many tiny details. I will try to recount a lot, but I'm sure I won't get all of them.
Frieren remembers so much about him. Regardless of where they go, it's usually a memory about him more than anyone else. She remembers his favorite flower, and takes the time to find it (though she doesn't consider time a least bit rare commodity). And she remembers it, which means that even though at one point she didn't try to learn about her companions, she afterwards made the point to remember their favorite things. And when she talked with Old Man Voll, who was regretting losing his memories of his late wife and asked if she could still remember her companions clearly, she refused to consider that she ever won't. She considers their memories that precious.
And then there's Himmel. Oh my goodness. Beyond just his initial attraction, the way he's always fascinated by her magic and her making enough of an impression on him at a young age that he sought her out years later for such an important quest is delightful. And did I mention that he just loves her magic? BECAUSE HE DOES!! And it helps her to love collecting her weird spells that much more, so good and supportive, Himmel.
And fear not I shan't neglect to mention the mirrored lotus ring because I am incapable of being normal about that scene. He had Frieren choose a ring (my respectful man there where can I get me a Himmel) and when he saw which one she chose he knew what it meant and chose to present it to her in a way that was sure to be memorable to her. Even though she didn't yet know the meaning of it, once she does, she can look back on the memory of him pledging his love eternally to her, an immortal, in spite of his mortality. He may be content to never say it, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't like her to know.
And now I am going to talk about a manga arc that ends on like. Chapter 118/119? So spoilers if you choose to proceed any further.
Frieren has spent so long now working towards seeing Himmel again and then she. GETS TO SEE HIM AGAIN!!! I am certain that if I scoured this arc I could find soooo many details for them (and I am tempted but instead I will focus on a few details that come to mind and analyzing one very specific thing about it.
Just. Himmel saying he likes who she's become, not having any clue that he was a major influence for her becoming that way. I just love that he appreciates her at every stage she's at it's just so uwu. and then when FRIEREN said he's a ray of light??? omg omg omg omg oomg I die they both just see the best in each other and I live for it.
And Then There's The Wedding. If you read this far on this and didn't expect me to gush over this part here is where I disillusion you. Himmel's feelings for Frieren have been pretty obvious up to this point, but seeing that he would in his ideal world want to marry her and spend his life with her is GRAHHHHHHHHHH there's no words to describe it. and like. Frieren is there too? how am I supposed to interpret that but as her own paradise? even if it's as a looser interpretation of she wanted to spend all of Himmel's life with him??? INSANEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeee
and then the fact that Himmel had his dreams presented before him, but he felt something was off, and didn't take advantage of it. Not even for a kiss. THIS RESPECTFUL MAN what is there not to like if anyone is good enough for Frieren it is without a doubt him. and the way they work together to get out of it???? oh man I love it
idk I just love their dynamic I think it's great and full of unfulfilled potential and I hope they get something some kind of closure if Frieren really does make it to see him again I just really love thinking about them thank you for coming to my presentation
#葬送のフリーレン#フリーレン#sousou no frieren#frieren#himmel#frimmel#ughhhh where do I even start because I love these two SO MUCH#and this is just going off of what we see in canon. if we go with the delusions that live in my mind there's even more#sidenote did any of you realize that himmel was 16 when they left on their quest? because. he was#I was mindblown over that revelation in the arc I talked about above other than the. obvious things I was mind blown about#frieren having two e's not being spelt friren is gonna be the death of me but I'm trying#I will master writing it properly eventually. even if it bizarrely feels easier to write フリーレン#also if anyone is willing to talk with me and become friends over this PLEASE DO I WANNA BE IN THIS FANDOM#and would especially love like. a discord server. that is not the giant one I was able to find I want one that's like. a hundred people#one where I can really make friends
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Big Huge Irritated Rant About The Latest COTL Update's Story Choices and the Implications
So the lore drop in the new Cult of the Lamb update, Unholy Alliance, pisses me off. The writer's confirmation of what that lore drop means pisses me off more.
Why? Because it's unnecessary recontextualization that was made pretty obviously in favor in one character in particular, and somehow in that process makes that very same character way less interesting. I think it's incredibly detrimental to the story and I will Explain Why in a second.
But before I do, I just want to put this out there: Prior to this update, my opinions on the Bishops and Narinder and that entire plotline were pretty neutral. I'm an NPC enjoyer, I spend my time thinking about that moth with two lines of dialogue. I did not previously have strong opinions on Narinder or Shamura outside of mild dislike for fandom treatment. So I'm not coming from a place of bias here (or at the very least I'm not trying to be). I genuinely, wholeheartedly, 100% believe this writing decision was unnecessary and the Wrong one to make, and I think it severely undercuts the original plotline because this was a retcon and one that sucks pretty bad.
Ok we're on the same page here? Ok awesome. Long rant ahead, and obvs spoilers for the Unholy Alliance update
So first, what the hell am I talking about? What part of the update do I not like? Let's clarify that first.
It's Shamura's dialogue. Like, all of it. For ease of understanding, here is all the dialogue I will be talking about:
"Ah... we gathered here, the four of us, a council of war and I the general. I have not forgot. I did not tell them that chains to bind a God must be forged of Godly matters. What matter of Gods? What matters of Gods? I have not forgot. The betrayal of kin, the breaking of spirits, blood spilled, his and ours. ...the sacrifice of what we had sacrificed so much for... ...shaped into shackles for our own brother. And our wounds always to weep. Such sharp claws..."
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"He sought to break nature's own laws. Death was his, yet he placed his sacred duty in peril. His experiments... Experiments I encouraged. I am not... blameless. My soul, stained... yet I do not... Ah, The story. Yes the story... He wanted to open the doors between Life and Death, to... to allow their return. Those mere... mortals. Even though he knew their sacrifices, their faith, their fears sustain us. Death must be the end. Otherwise, what use would they have for Gods? They began to flock to him. What he promised, we could not match. He swelled with devotion... while we waned. Would he have let us perish? I could not take... the risk... the hunger... You are lucky there are none left to force such a choice on you. Hail, Lamb. Last God... lonely God... Ah... I feel... unburdened..."
And for fun, before anyone tells me I'm misinterpreting any of this or that it's left up to interpretation or is intentionally vague, Word of God (the writer of CoTL):

And it's this being Word of God that's spurred me into making this post to begin with. Because prior to this, I just seethed about this dialogue's implications in my server and hoped I was wrong. But now it's been confirmed what this means, and I'm . Disgruntled, to say the least!
And since I've started writing this post, there's been another addition made to further clarify parts of this. But I'm going to go over that addition more towards the end, because it also irritates me for separate reasons.
So, let's get this straight.
Prior to this update, the specifics of what happens between Narinder and the Bishops were pretty vague. We were told Narinder was "gluttonous in his ambition," per Shamura's previous dialogue, and that they "introduced him to ideas of change" but "Death cannot flow backward." Heket somewhat elaborates on this by saying he preached "heresy" and "noxious ideals" that would not be tolerated. Heket also notably refers to Narinder as a flat-out "monster." Narinder attacked his siblings and left them each with a big, symbolic wound. Then he was chained by the four of them, with Shamura the one to lead it (in their own words).
There's a lot of talk of betrayal, but before this update, it was unclear if the betrayal was meant to just be Narinder's experimenting with death (which even then was pretty heavily suggested to be resurrections) or the wounds inflicted upon his siblings. There's also a lot of talk of sacrifice, i.e. from Leshy if you kill Heket before him: "After everything we did. After everything we sacrificed. He will not be satiated."
Regardless, the picture this painted was of Narinder being this ambitious, evil, violent God that even his fellow Gods (Kallamar) feared and felt needed controlling. The idea that the wounds could have been in the nail in the coffin to this entire ordeal made sense; as they were obviously planned by Narinder to some extent (otherwise why be so intentional about who got what wound?) and a fair reaction to Being Mutilated would of course be to chain him.
Then of course there's the idea that the wounds were given while he was being chained and in self-defense, which only seems possible if you think Narinder could take on all four of his siblings at once like that and only manage to lose his claws in the ordeal (which was only revealed in this update to be something he's implied to have lost thru the relic). I thought this at first too, but realized it seems pretty impractical for that to have been the case if the wounds were also purposeful in who got what. I mean, sure, they could all be coincidentally symbolically appropriate for each Bishop, but I have doouuubts?
but now we're here, with this update, and all has been revealed.
And what's been revealed exactly?
Narinder's thing he was doing was indeed resurrections (we knew that)
Shamura encouraged him to do it (we also already knew this)
It seems like he did literally nothing else outside of that
His siblings got pissy about this because it made their domains purposeless and got all their followers to flock to him
"Would he let us perish? I could not take the risk" - Implies they literally did not even ask him
Shamura knew that in order to forge chains that could keep Narinder down, it would require a sacrifice of their bonds AND their flesh
They DID NOT tell the other Bishops this
Their wounds were requirements to chain him. They had to get the wounds they bear now in order to chain him. ONLY Shamura knew this. That means they allowed their siblings (and themself) to get attacked knowing full well what would happen. They may have even encouraged it, perhaps provoked Narinder into it, seeing as they knew the wounds were necessary to have him chained. (Or they just knew he would retaliate. Which, like. Yeah. They're condemning him after he went down a path they encouraged and, as far as we can tell, nothing else.)
And for... what?
In this version of the story, Narinder was experimenting with resurrections, and Shamura told him to keep doing that. Then he was successful, mortals turned to him, and his siblings (including Shamura, the one who told him to do it) got mad. That's it. That's their reasoning for chaining him. There's nothing else given. "Would they perish?" We have no idea. Is that how it works? Seems like Shamura doesn't know either. Or at the very least doesn't know if Narinder intended for that at all. Gives the vibe that literally no effort was made to talk to him and figure this out. They don't even really go down the "it puts nature out of balance!" path, which would at least have some merit, maybe. It's literally just "we are no longer sustained. What's the point of Gods in this world?" <- idk babe you had all the other ones slaughtered. So you tell me
And then Shamura just took it into their own hands, leading their siblings to their shared wounds (WITHOUT consulting them) and their inevitable destruction because of........... reasons, I guess. (I mean, if you think about it really hard, they probably also already knew what would happen following all this. With the lamb genocide and Narinder's resurfacing and etc. And they had their siblings wounded anyway. For no god damn reason)
And now why does this make me mad?
Because, honestly, in and of itself, there's not anything necessarily wrong with this added context. It's not contradicting anything in the main game. Shamura knowing what was needed makes sense, after all.
But it's... unnecessary. It screws up the motives and makes them more shallow, less nuanced, more... petty. Making gods petty is cool and all, I love doing that honestly, but in this case it just feels like a waste of potential.
But beyond all that. But most importantly.
This entire recontextualization of events REEKS of being made specifically to absolve Narinder.
I mean, come on. He's made out to be the victim, here. Shamura knew what he would do, knew what he would become, and knew exactly what would happen to their siblings if they sought to chain him (without doing so much as talking to him beforehand), and yet they encouraged it.
All blame is being shifted on Shamura. All Narinder did specifically against his siblings was inflict the wounds, which at this point seems to be hinted as self defense or a retaliation against threat or insult (assuming he was provoked into attacking, somehow). Because the wounds were part of the process.
And almost equally irritating, this seeks to arbitrarily absolve Leshy, Kallamar, and Heket as well, as they had no idea what the plan was and were just strung along. Which is just kinda worse, right? As far as they are aware, Narinder did just randomly attack them for no reason, and this wasn't foreseen, and surely couldn't have been stopped. All because Shamura didn't tell them any of it.
Shamura is being made into the big bad. Shamura is at fault for everything, for all of it. Narinder is a victim of Shamura encouraging him down a path they later condemn him for, their siblings are victims of Shamura and Narinder both (the latter of which could have been resolved at any point prior), and now any possible intrigue about Narinder being this big bad guy who tore apart his siblings due to his own ambition getting the best of him is ERASED.
It's GONE. All in favor of making him more sympathetic.
And sure, about a million different excuses could be made for Shamura, or could be used to headcanon whatever you want about exactly what happened. But with what we're given right now, just from the source, no attempt as made to stop Narinder before it got to this point. It is literally suggested they didn't even talk to him.
"Maybe they were too scared" - For the other three, maybe. Shamura is the eldest and clearly the most respected one, by Narinder as well (he holds some amount of respect for them even STILL. After EVERYTHING). They at any point could have stopped this.
"Narinder could still have been a bad guy outside of the attacks" - Sure, but we're given little to nothing on that front. In the old dialogue, literally all that's mentioned is the resurrection stuff and the wounds. Shamura is the one who said his ambition made a glutton of him, by the way. And hell, this isn't even touching the very real possibility that all of the Bishops (Narinder included!) are unreliable as hell.
"But Kallamar feared him even before his chaining, that suggests he was still a bad guy beforehand" - Sure, it could! But that's about all we get! And hell, in this new update, Kallamar's fears are fucked with, too. He states:
"Once, long ago, Followers would worship at my altar just to glimpse the beauty of my temple… of course, it could not last forever. Perhaps my siblings did not understand this, but I have always known. It did not make me less afraid. Cowardly Kallamar, ha…"
Here, it seems Kallamar's fears have been changed to be more about the decline of his temple and the loss of his followers, which was happening because of Narinder. He refers to Narinder's plans as "foolish" as opposed to... idk, horrifying, or threatening, or whatever. He also fully takes on the 'cowardly' title, giving the impression that his fears were somehow unfounded, which wouldn't make a lick of sense if Narinder indeed sucked ass outside of the wounds.
Not to mention he "didn't want to hear it" when Shamura "revealed the plan," but we know because of Shamura that they didn't mention anything about the wounds, so Kallamar didn't want to hear that they... had to chain Narinder? That's literally all he could've been told about the plan. Why wouldn't he want to chain Narinder if he was scared of him up until that point?? Doesn't make any sense!!! EDIT AFTER I POSTED: On reconsideration this might just be referring the lamb genocide plan, but that's hardly better, because now this update absolves Narinder, Leshy, AND Kallamar by making them blameless in everything (both Leshy and Kallamar expressed not fully understanding the plan for the slaughter or, in this case, not wanting part in it). What's up with THAT. Why is Shamura getting the blame for LITERALLY EVERYTHING.
Anyway, my point is
This was a story decision made to make Narinder sympathetic. It's so blatant. And it's so, so irritating. It gets rid of so many potential cool flaws of Narinder and replaces it with "Actually, Shamura was the bad guy the whole time! Huzzah!"
And honestly, had the entire game come out like this to begin with, released at the start how it is right now, I don't think I'd care this much. But being added now, as an afterthought, after the fandom and devs alike have grown to favor Narinder above all others, it just...
It reeks of favoritism. It smells of revising the story to make Narinder more likeable. It's just erasure.
And for what. Like, I don't want to be That Guy, but I cannot help but notice that one of two nonbinary characters (outside of the Lamb/Goat themselves) is being this heavily demonized in favor of absolving a Man of his crimes. What's, uh. What's up with that.
Oh, and that addition by the writer I mentioned was made while I was writing this.
This was made after Jojo was questioned whether this was a retcon as to who caused the wounds, as this whole thing could also certainly be read as Shamura being the one to directly wound their siblings (which I didn't think was the case, but still).
"I don't know if they thought it would be so severe" - How do I put this in a nice way. This feels like a weaseling out answer. This feels like giving Shamura an out only after being questioned on this writing choice. How could they possibly not know how severe it would be. This spider is Knowledge. This spider has Foresight of some kind. And how do you not know what they thought. You are the Writer. If you want to clarify something like this you gotta say it with your full chest.
Not to mention a good portion of the fandom probably won't even see these tweets, so this context is all missing from the story presented in the game. This is Tacked On Context on top of already Tacked On Context. It's unnecessary retconning all the way down.
Anyway. I realize the fandom at large will not care about this, because (and I mean this in the nicest way I can manage) the Narinder favoritism in this fandom is already impenetrable, but for me personally? This retconning that was so clearly done out of that favoritism?
It ruined Narinder's character for me. More than the fandom possibly could have. I mean, if it's fanon, it can be ignored. But this was canonized. Because Narinder is the dev team's favorite guy.
And I can't stand it.
#VERY long ramble#<- i mean it. this post is chunky.#I have a lot of thoughts. And they are not positive. MM dev team when i get you.#Narinder enjoyers beware. I do not like your man and it's because of this update.#If anything I said in the post is unclear please feel free to ask and I will elaborate where I can! I tried to make my thoughts#as clear as possible. but i am also a fulltime college student with a keyboard that is currently retaliating against me.#My brain is a little scattered atm lmao. but if I hold onto this post much longer I might just anxiety myself out of posting it.#because nobody else seems to be having these same critiques. Save for my tiny little discord server where we are all very loud haters.#If you don't agree with me that's awesome 👍 please be normal about it tho if you are arguing i'm begging.#if this post gets any amount of traction I'm going to be wary about having my inbox open hkjsdhg#ok now the scary part.#cult of the lamb#cotl unholy alliance#cotl spoilers#unholy alliance spoilers#<- i don'tknow if that still needs tagging but jic. also I'm wary of tagging characters on here. so for now i won't.#cotl#ok that's it for now. Runs away. Fast
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minecraft is fun
#mxmarsart#hope you guys don’t mind the occasional oc content#I’m just in a fan life series server and I’m really annoying about it#I’m not dead yet though so be proud of me!! >_<#oc#oc art#I genuinely don’t know how to tag this#violent life#that’s what it’s called#traffic!mars#vl!mars#or something#also little cameos from my friends#hi friends!! o/#chat is this cringe this feels cringe#but I like the thumbnail too much to not post it#if making fanart of myself is cringe maybe I don’t wanna be based </3
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#lauren rambles#I woke up with the urge and craving for opening a new discord server#cause I have so many new mooties and pals I wanna connect with more#but I don't know if I have it in me again to do another server#it's been 3 years since Mel and Nykita and I had smut pile#and thinking of a new server makes me think of Nykita and miss her so fucking much#the day she passed I knew running a server just wouldn't be the same again#but I'm wondering if maybe maybe I do have it in me to really move on and start a new space again#ive had these thoughts all morning and writing them out makes me feel good and silly and I just#I dunno#would anyone even be interested? is Tumblr too different now than it was?#am I just the old lady on the corner screaming into the void now?#anyways if you somehow made it down here sorry for pulling you into my brain for a bit
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#watching fandom drama play out when you're still mostly lurking in said fandom is a surreal experience#part of me is sort of relieved that i haven't been more active#would i have joined that server? would i have been one of the people they bullied?#i'm a mess of contradictions: i crave community but am terrible at all the things you need to cultivate it#i'm anxious and awkward and overthink every little interaction#but i've lucked out and found some really stellar fandom besties over the years who make me feel loved and accepted anyway#it takes a certain kind of bravery to put yourself out there online. a certain level of trust.#so for a group of people to actively choose to betray that trust in order to. what?#gain some imaginary amount of social clout? promote a fic? feed their own insecurities?#it's honestly beyond comprehension for me#i'm a relative nobody in this fandom so i'm not sure how much weight this will carry#but for what it's worth#having lurked here since last september#the broader community feels like it's a safe space. a space built on acceptance and love.#i've recently chatted with a few different people who have been nothing but lovely and i'm hoping that those conversations continue#and even though putting myself out there on discord feels like a nigh impossible ask atm#(did anyone else not know that secret channels were a thing? what in the supervillain hell!)#i'm gonna try my damnedest#fandom is bigger than one person. correction: one bully. bc that's what she is. a bully.#and i'm heartened that most everyone has rallied to show her and her cohort the door#to anyone affected by her bullshit. i love you and i'm so sorry and i hope you find a true safe space#ANYWAY#pass the what a year huh/lemon it's january meme#good omens
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i will say im not super invested in the idea of the show giving us too much information on c&a. like itll be super cool if we find out about it! and im sure itll be relevant information if we do but i think the information we get is going to be not super indepth, because im not sure itd match the tone of the show? its less about mystery and like The Lore and more about the characters and examining how different characters respond and have been responding to the environment set up by the show
(it WOULD be fun to learn more details about c&a and i AM curious i just dont think itd actually enhance much abt the show itself, and as such, i dont think its super important writing wise for the audience to learn about it either)
that SAID i do ascribe to the idea that ALL of the cast members worked for c&a before the ended up in the circus, no exceptions. i dont really know how say gangle or zooble wouldve ended up there, but i feel like they all ended up there one way or another. and i think most of the cast doesnt talk about their life in the real world bc its gone and theres no reason to dredge it up (or theyve forgotten it or most aspects of it), but it does make it fascinating that not even pomni, who has the least reason to avoid these topics at least early on, broached the subject of what in the WORLD is c&a UP to. it literally is never brought up ever as of ep 4. which makes me think the company was probably always super shady in some way to the pt that its employees were kinda desensitized to the idea that its c&as fault that horrible things happen
#tadc#i do think any discussion or reveal abt c&a is gonna have less to do w lore#and more abt like... the role that exploitative companies have in the harming of their employees#we see a little bit of it in how gangle has been affected by the same concept in ep 4#and i think theres hints of it in caines character but not enough for me to make a super concrete point about that#point being that i think c&a isnt going to be much of a 'literal' figure in the show so much as what it represents#hence why i dont think well actually learn too much about it. bc itd be kinda pointless and redundant#circus discussion#i think the way gooseworx has described abstraction honestly ties into it#its one of the first pieces of like. 'trivia' (i guess it counts as trivia??) i learned that gave me this feeling w c&a#'you get stripped of every bit of individuality you have and become something completely unrecognizable'#really leans into the idea. also makes sense why gangle being back in a job she had in the real world#would be implied to bring her so close to abstracting then really#i think in general the show is very much centered around people reacting to a bad environment and how different people like. Survive That#and c&a as a company epitomizes that. the circus is an extension of it after all#everything that happens in the circus is the responsibility of c&a#they dont need to tell us about c&a the circus does enough#and it serves to add a grounded element to the setting. cus like yeah theres already many elements drawing from real life#but the idea of working for a shitty company that treats its employees horribly is like. thats smth very grounded in reality#theres more i could go into on that front but i was drawing oc concepts so ill stop this post here#OH YEAH#and also i think the lack of discussion from characters generally implies that they know minimal about what role c&a played in this#so i think it also makes sense for the audience to not see this. pomnis confused abt the setting first and foremost and is adjusting#but the rest of the cast has no reason to question something they know they have no answers to#and if they did talk about it it wouldnt give anything to the audience anyway#except maybe kinger? but i feel like he doesnt actually... have the answers that one might assume he would#certainly involved in some way with c&a computer science wise but we dont even have confirmation of what he specialized in#just that it was computer science. he literally couldve just been the guy who made sure the servers were running at all and thats it#i feel like well never know but apparently pomni being an accountant is relevant so? who knows? maybe we WILL learn about their jobs!
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can't believe how well i managed to recreate her despite not having seen her in almost a year and i didnt find reference screenshot beforehand until now...... sometimes you really feel like a winner
#not ffxiv#i didnt realize just how much better the graphics were until i compared#like logically i knew but ive always had to play this game with lower graphics#so playing it now im constantly going WOAH to everything#god i missed her!!!!! my girl!!! idk why im so obsessed with her but i am#i tried recreating her in ffxiv last year after the main servers went sunset but i just didnt quite manage#archeage female dwarves are like..... idek how else to describe them but some strange middle ground between au ra and lalafell#like in terms of height and proportions#(fun fact when i started playing i was heavily leaning to female lalafell but then i saw duskwights. and then on duskwight i met thancred.#and the rest is history. midlander diseased history. but thats the exception and not the norm)#only cause midlanders are peak fantasy humans to me and other games always disappoint me and i can never make ieeha for instance#so if hadnt mained male midlander i might probably have opted for female lalafell.....#as for why i swapped from duskwight.... well. i cant be tall in games. running feels so SLOW. and i cant bear with that LMAO#silvi talks
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Sigh.
........I miss Final Space. I miss it so much, guys.
#saw some folks chatting about it in a server and just got hit with a wave of a nostalgia of sorts for it#it deserved so much better than what it went through#both the show and Olan Rogers. man fought tooth and nail to get his show off the ground and they crashed it#even with the book coming out is making me sad since that could be the LAST of the media since it’s supposed to be the finale#just wringing in my feelings rn. don't mind me#final space#fs#olan rogers
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#I dont wish for this post to show in any general tags in any way shape or form. consider it a vent#d*scord has been banned as a lot of other different things and I can't fix it especially with my Computer Curse (tm)#which is frustrating to say the least. it's not like I've been there often but I Did contacted a lot of ppl through it#there is always people who has it worse and I feel like even thinking about it makes me a horrible person but#as much as I hate posting about stuff like that I genuinely believe that my country slowly tries to become second n*rth k*rea.#and it heavily affects me even if I live in the countryside.#first you ban gay people from existense so I can't even hold hands with same-sex friends in public and if my social media is leaked I can b#send to. like. an actual pr*son. which is very real and not a joke at all.#then you ban every online payment services so I'm forced to work double time to be able to feed myself since commissions are barely availab#anymore. and THEN you ban ways for people to connect. don't get me started on how much is fucks up my calling scheldue w friends & I miss#servers I used to visit to get my mind off of all of this bullshit#this is just upsetting. not gonna lie#with a cherry on top that the winter is close I'm freezing dead in my living space & the roof is leaking & my phone is dying &#I thought the vicious thunder the other day was another midnight b*mbing LOL. at this point I have no idea how I'm still sane#not gonna say Ive got it bad because I'm slowly reaching my goals and it's gonna get better eventually. it's just one of those days#where all of the things come at once overwhelmingly and I'm paralyzed to start anything on my to-do list#I think I need to go outside and stop overthinking it as I usually do.#I'm absolutely gonna miss LN3 release and will slowly fall out of fandom (but not stop being interested in it. at this point it's impossibl#sigh#tumblr is the only way for me to contact outside world and even tho the real world is not so bad I'm still missing a lot and falling out of#my interest in fandom & art in general. if they're gonna ban tumblr I think I'll fall out completely and vanish#bcause runet algorithms are not fandom- and/or art-friendly & I'm not really popular in my space to gather any meaningful interactions#I'm gonna boil in my already-formed company and that's as much as I can get. pretty much a foreseeable death of me as an artist.#how it's gonna affect me is unpredictable and I'm not gonna grief for inevitable future#but I'm sure I'm gonna be very sad. as if there's not enough weight already on my shoulders.#let's pray they won't do that. but I'm ready for the worst already since they're trying to make people's lifes as much miserable as they ca#overthinking wins for today fellas. it seems.#memento mori by will wood starts playing#vent#its bad to say but the w*r doesnt affect me much since Ive been living in a horrible conditions this whole time. it truly can't be any wors
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I cant stop thinking about how in lore qbad never remember they were his kids. How he sacrificed everything for them and he never got to remember.
#I'm absolutely devastated by the admins leaving (I'm very glad they are taking care of themselves though)#I'm genuinely going to miss them so much and I dont think the server will ever feel the same for me.#But my coping mechanism is making my self feel worse by thinking about lore kkkk#Qsmp#Badboyhalo
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