#this series was more for my own full closure i suppose

[nguyenfinity]

In 2018, I made Fight Kiddo as a way to vent frustration with some stuff, but I didn't know what to name her 'cause I didn't really wanna call her Fight Kiddo the entire time. I ended up naming her after my grandma, an incredibly kind and loving lady who would not put up with people's bs.

She passed away year ago today (or. a year and a day ago today because tumblr formatting decided to be difficult, sorry) and like. When I say my 2022 sucked I mean like I caught covid the day before she passed away so for me it was just. Yeah it sure was a summer. It was a rough time to say the least but kept the fight goin huh?

I wanted to bring Fight Kiddo back to honor her namesake in a way, and though I can't do much else now besides draw this for her, I do thank you so much for reading along <3

Con vẽ cái này cho bà ngoại, con nhớ ngoại nhiều mà con mong ngoại thích nhe.

[kyluxtrashpit]

For a he WIP game, I’d like to hear about both Braids and Renben 7

Oooh of course! Thanks for asking!

So Braids is a renben fic that’s been rattling around for a long while (and people who’ve been my rubber ducks before probably remember it lmao). The concept of it is basically an attempt at a bit more of a “soft” dynamic for them, at least softer than I’ve written before. The idea is that Kylo, given his mom is Leia, probably has some experience braiding hair (both his own and Leia’s - I headcanon she taught him a lot of traditional hairstyles from Alderaan, which in this headcanon involve a lot of braids, with some being very intricate). Ren, as we know, does braid at least part of his hair. So what if Ren broke his hand in a fight? And his hair, braids included, is all fucked up from said fight? Well, normally he’d just wait for the expired bacta patches to take effect and deal with it later, but now he has a new recruit who is absolutely desperate for any sort of intimacy and approval (and may or may not be in over his head and seeking something familiar and calming). Anyway, that’s a lot of words to say that new recruit Kylo helps an injured Ren with his hair and there is ~emotions~ and ~intimacy~. Talking about it makes me think I should look at it again someday soon cause I do still love the idea

Now for Renben 7, that ones technically a misnomer as the active relationship is kylux and renben is in the past, but it’s about Ren and Kylo with Hux not even appearing so lmao, I still called it Renben 7 (even though I have far more than 7 renben fics posted). To give full context, for anyone who doesn’t know, the first 8 parts to my Renben series on ao3 are intended to tell a story together (though they each stand alone too). That’s Know Your Shadow through to Distraction, with the other 6 being just one offs. The idea here was to tell the story of how renben became kylux in a largely canon-compliant way, with Ren being alive as the key difference. Unfortunately, that proved too ambitious and the other missing pieces are probably not happening but it is what it is

(For full info, there was supposed to be at least one between Test Run and Distraction, about kylux finally getting it on but not becoming emotionally attached yet, just a casual thing. Then Distraction shifts more to a kylux dynamic, and then there probably would’ve been one more after that locking in the kylux before we get to Renben 7, which was supposed to be the final piece. Though more one shots, such as Braids, could’ve been added too)

So Renben 7 itself is basically a time skip happening and Ren comes to visit Kylo on the Finalizer after they haven’t seen each other for a while. As such, there’s some catching up to do, Ren commenting on how Kylo is getting stronger, looking more grown up, but Ren’s still gonna call him ‘kid’ and stuff. Ren’s a little older too, but he’s still the same as he always was. It’s sort of like. A bonding moment for them. They talk about how Kylo is firmly committed to Hux now (so no more casual rolls for him and Ren) and there’s some teasing and stuff. This is basically the closing, where Ren moves to more of like. A mentor figure rather than a sex partner kind of thing. I guess it’s soft too, but in a different way lmao. I’d still really like to write this one too, cause even without the in between bits, I think it closes off the continuous part of the series quite well. It’s closure, the kind of closure with Ren that neither Kylo nor we, the audience, got in canon

But yeah, those are the two! I still hope one day to get them done. I’ll have to take a look at them someday soon cause maybe talking about them will make the words juice happen lmao

[brainbuffering]

12 Days of Manga (2022)

Day 1: Favourite Ongoing Series - Snow White With The Red Hair by Sorata Akiduki from Shojo Beat (T: Caleb Cook L: Brandon Bovia E: Karla Clark)  

[ID: English cover for Snow White With the Red Hair Vol 19 by Sorata Akiduki. Kiki wears a burgendary psudo-european-medievial style dress with long flowing sleeves. In on hand she holds a wine glass, and in the other she gently clasps her sword. She sits sideways but looks knowingly at the viewer. Behind her, a festival at dusk is in full swing and we see the backs of Hisame (left) and Mitsuhide (right)]

This year (as of writing) the UK has been gifted Volumes 17 - 19 of SWWTRH*, covering the Bergat Arc which finally gave some more time for our beloved Kiki to shine and the return of everyone’s (read: my) favourite beloved arsehole Hisame Rougis. This more action and romance based arc was a nice return to form last year’s Orimmallys arc. As wonderful as it was to see the STEM elements of SWWTRH come to the forefront, with no doubt Cook’s experience on Dr Stone helping him translate all that psudo-science, I’m a simple Blogger who likes to see some swords and swooning.

That said, this combination of genres and themes really does highlight what makes the series so good. Anyone who tries to tell you that Shojo is all the same really needs to read this series because it will swing from mystery to romance to action adventure to science explainer in only a few chapters. I’ve said it elsewhere but I will say it again: it i also just so nice to have a manga I can confidently recommend to literally anyone! It’s a great starter for those looking to get into Shojo, be they a 10 year-old who has some book tokens to use up, or a 40 year old who wants to finally branch out beyond the Shonen Jump Sphere of Influence.

The series is also beautifully unintentionally queer, and that was highlighted again this year. Well, I say unintentionally. Some of SWWTRH’s contemparies in LaLa include explicitly queer stories such as Ouran High School Host Club, so who is to say how it will end? I can hold out for my bisexual polyamorous ending in which Obi, Zen and Shirayuki end up married with 2.5 children, right? With lines like this, it’s starting to feel more like text than subtext. 

[ID: Zen smiles widely. “You might have a trio who lived completely separate lives... ... but came together in the palace... ... to now spend their lives together, side by side.”]

But I digress. As I said! This was the year of the Kiki. We got to get more of a glimpse into her role as heir to the Seiren Family, and what expectations that holds. She got some closure on her relationship with Mitsuhide that, without spoilers, was very afirming from an Aro/Ace perspective, and started to see her take new steps with Hisame in a way that allows them both some character development and encourages world building! We also got to see her beat people up with a sword, although perhaps not as much as I would have liked. She did get her own dramatic “I’ll be shooting for my own hand” moment, with all the paralels and metaphors of working hard to choose your own fate and your own destiny, and to not get thrown by romantic rejection but rather remain to stay true to yourself no matter what. So I suppose I can’t really complain. 

[ID: Two manga pages of Kiki shooting arrows in the middle of the night, the range lit by fire light/beacons. The first ten arrows have missed the center of the target completely. Kiki looks disapointed and uncertain about everything. Then she appears to center herself and manages a bullseye.] 

I’ve said many times before, that I don’t think there is any reason for a series to go beyond 30 volumes. I can’t imagine any story that needs to go on for that long without it becoming far too repetative. However SWWTRH is one of those series that I will happily be buying for the next ten years! For one, unlike a lot of ongoing series, SWWTRH is not restricted to a time scale (e.g. three years of high school) or singular goal (e.g. entering the olympics). Shirayuki and Zen confirmed their romantic feelings early on, and whilst we want to see their relationship develop the pace it is going at feels realistic for people of their age, and in their situation.

Why should they get married at age 19? Shirayuki becoming a well respected court herablist will help her standing in marrying him, sure, but it’s also the goal she wants to achieve without romance being on the line either. Heck, even if her only goal was marriage, it’s perfectly reasonable to want to finish your studies before settling down! The story is not lessened by its slower pacing, but rather enhanced by it. Much like real life, it takes its time with each arc, meandering rather than steamrolling. Yet it doesn’t feel repetative, it doesn’t feel as though Akiduki dragging things out for the sake of it, but rather just allowing the characters to take moments to breathe inbetween events.

The characters are allowed to grow and change with the narrative, and have that be reflected within the story. There’s a whole time skip that takes place without it feeling like some big terrifying event, rather just the nature of what happens in adult life where you just spend a year focussing on your work and your studies, and so naturally don’t get up to the sort of major adventures that you might tell your grandkids about.

The series finds strength in the age of its characters, young adults growing into themselves and finding a purpose in life without fear of falling and failing. Obi is allowed to find comfort in the mundane, and not having to go on life changing ninja adventures all the time. Shirayuki’s focus on her studies living away from Zen doesn’t mean that their romantic relationship must come to an end, and she is allowed to develop completely independently of their love whilst still having that love be incredibly important to her! Mitsuhide is happy to live a life without marriage and kids because he cares more about the platonic relationships in his life, and wants to put his time and energy into those. Kiki is still working out what to do next now that her initial plan for life has turned side ways, and that’s good too! She has a support network in place to help! Zen meanwhile continues to be the perfect prince, the white haired anime boy all white haired anime boys should aspire to be, and I hope that he is able to move back in with his girlfriend and boyfriend full time. 

The joy here is in the journey, not in the destination, and i’ll happily continue on with these characters for years to come!

*The Americans have up to Vol 21, but the ongoing supply chain crisis and paper shortage are out to get me personally.

[silver-heller]

What do you wish was in the series/fic that you just didn't have room for? Which of these do you think you'll write about in the future?

Hm...a lot lol.

Closure on Mordecai and Mitzi's Relationship

As it stands, the last time Mordecai talks to Mitzi in a full blown conversation, she admits she still finds Mordecai creepy but wants Silver to be happy. Originally it ended there, which is a start, though not a very happy conclusion.

Actually, writing this made me write in a discussion that demonstrates Mitzi's change of heart and why she feels that way. Thankfully there was a spot before all the action. It is short and that, along with her being much more friendly towards Mordecai as time goes on hopefully demonstrates her gradual change of heart leading up to that.

Though I suppose it can be implied through some of his actions, and his redemption through them, that Mitzi probably sees him very differently by the end of the fic. Hell, I think it could be argued she never really hated him, both just had trust issues and were afraid the other would or even wanted to take Atlas away from them. Which is why I wish I had more time to explore this in depth.

Will I explore this after the AU? I am trying not to fall into the trap of post fic content that could end up in me wanting to make a whole fic. But, I could definitely, if I ever feel up to it, see a one shot from Mitzi's POV about how her relationship with Mordecai evolved. They care about each other, quite a lot I'd say, and I think they both become more receptive to hearing about the other's worries over time. That being said, that one shot is pretty low on my priority list, if I am being honest, and their relationship was a side thing in the AU for good reason.

Silver And The Quest To Straight Pass

Since the fics showing their time working as a trio, there's one theme that didn't fully get to be explored, which is essentially how Mordecai and Viktor fighting over Silver's affections definitely had a lot to do with the idea of "being gay but not looking gay". They both genuinely do love Silver, to be clear, but they both acted like idiots in the past because they were holding onto that idea of Silver being male while looking like any other woman to the outside world.

If those two had a healthier relationship towards this, especially in the welcoming environment of the speakeasy, they probably would have been together before they even met Silver. But nope.

Viktor being bisexual is probably a big reason why Viktor backed down and rooted for Silver and Mordecai so hard, despite his own feelings. He can fall in love with a girl and be seen as "normal" easily, but, Mordecai can't, and Silver might struggle to find someone else that sees him as a man and still genuinely loves him. The way Viktor sees it, those two were meant to be with each other, and he never wanted to get in between them.

While all this is only implied, hopefully it's made clear it's something Mordecai has to get over, considering he would have much rather have a fling with Serafine, someone who can identify as male but presents as female, rather than just admit he loves Viktor, even in Silver's absence. In fact, it's kind of implied Mordecai does not think he can find a viable partner again because his relationship with Silver offered him a lot of protections, and that happened to be one of them.

Our Dear Friend Atlas

I also wish I had more time and energy to explore the past and Atlas' relationship with everyone in the cast back when he saw still living. Although, I am also glad as it gives me more to use for my own original projects. Plus it being more implied in the AU works quite well too. If I do write him with the other characters outside of the series, it will most likely be fluff.

One of these days I swear I'll write in Atlas' POV, maybe make some Mitzi x Atlas fics or something. I'd also love to find a way to pin him down for a more concrete or genuine interaction with someone in the cast.

Rocky and Irene

I would have loved for that pairing to have their own section in the AU, but, in the end, it was best for them to remain side characters. If I think up fun or cute one shots for them, I'll definitely write and post them though!

More Conflict With Asa

I think Asa remaining mostly a mystery works good for the fic, though I'd be lying if I said Asa' assholeness isn't fun to write, and that the other character's push back is a huge part of that. I particularly would have liked to explore his relationship with Mordecai more, how, even though Asa was a more corrupted version of Atlas in Mordecai's life, it could still be argued Atlas was just as bad in some ways. But, I found the other relationships a lot more important.

Just like Mitzi and Mordecai, this isn't something I am huge on, but if I ever did get inspiration for a one shot that explored that concept, I'd write it.

A Very Awkward Dinner

Originally, I had considered the idea of the lackacrew meeting Constantine. It was going to be a dinner with all of them supporting Silver while she confronted the man that helped orchestrate the arranged marriage that caused Silver such grief. In retrospect, it was a bit too satisfying for the town I was going for, and a little too much of a power trip for me. I prefer how I leave things off with Constantine now, though I won't spoil it.

Honestly, I'm fine with this and don't plan to ever write that scene.

MORE TAWNY CONTENT!

This one is heavily biased. Myself and the writer of Tawny have always agreed he was best kept in the shadows along with Asa for...reasons, hehe. But, I still do think his and Silver's chemistry is fun, and we hope to be able to write more of him with Silver and the rest of the cast in the future.

Mordecai Meeting Silver's Grandmother

There was originally a scene where Mordecai met Silver's grandmother, helping him better understand how Silver became the man he is today. However, I decided it was better, and for the sake of not having to wrap up that loose end, that Silver's grandmother had passed. Her failing health near Silver's engagement would explain why she didn't become more involved in that situation.

Silver Meeting Mordecai's Sisters

There was a flashback scene where they were introduced. However, this got cut as it didn't add anything and, as it stood, with most of the prequel content being cut, there wasn't anything to imply Mordecai would go to physically see Rose at that stage. In fact, things work better when the implication is he refused to. Potentially even for her wedding.

Rose as a character also comes with a lot, there's so little we know about her current life, hence why I've scraped her one shot as well. There are so many blanks to fill that I just don't want to. So, while I will probably show Mordecai attempting to fill the gap (spoiler alert) I don't think he actually will, unfortunately.

Realistically, Mordecai is a complete stranger to Rose now, and Rose a complete stranger to Mordecai, and not to mention Mordecai went from a cute kid with good intentions to a cold blooded murderer who would probably do it again if it meant his survival and meeting the important people in his life that he did. Though he'll always hold onto the memories, I think a big part of his journey is learning to let the past be the past.

Nico and Silver's Friendship

I honestly really like these two as friends, I find Nico's very laidback nature combined with Silver's rather cautious one pretty cute. But, when I figured this out, there wasn't much time to really sow it in (completely at least, they do have moments), and, as with some of the other things above, the relationship just wasn't as important as the ones taking up most of the plot. So, the AU shows more of an origin story for their friendship like a few of the other relationships rather than the friendship in its complete form.

Definitely some fluff I will write in the future.

[a-a-lost-munchkin]

I thought this was going to be criticism on the jet pack thing but am now a little confused. (I personally am not a fan of the jet pack thing).

I think you have valid criticisms, even though I don’t agree with all of them. I liked Calypso’s song but didn’t sympathize with her, even though it felt like we were supposed to. I really liked Dangerous as a set up to Odysseus’ voyage. I really liked Charybdis but wish it was longer and had more story in it.

I really liked Get in the Water and 600 Strikes, especially regarding its composition. The instrumentals are amazing, and so is the voice acting. It felt climatic and desperate. It felt like an epic battle with a god. Plus, Odysseus did try this one final plea, but it failed. Words weren’t going to work here, and there wasn’t a clever way besides the bag or divine intervention to get out. Poseidon wasn’t interested in what he had to say and wasn’t giving him the opportunity to speak. I don’t think that even in Homer’s Odyssey that Odysseus beat Poseidon with words. He got help from Athena and a group of people Poseidon protected, besting him that way with cleverness instead of words.

Also, I’m not sure what you mean by saying Odysseus begging for his life would show ruthlessness? Yes, it would be ruthless if Odysseus said outrightly “screw my crew, I did what I needed to do,” and begging for his life would be very human of him, but it’d be more pathetic than ruthless, and Poseidon would just kill him. I think it’s also very human of Odysseus to be pissed off and angry and to fight a god, even if its outlook isn’t good. Poseidon killed his men and friends. Poseidon has actively been keeping him from going home. Poseidon is his enemy. He’s tried his other tactics but nothing’s worked; the only method left is violence, even if he dies in the attempt.

I also don’t think this musical is about becoming strong enough to beat a god. It’s about a series of unfortunate events that turned somebody into a shell of themselves and transformed them. Homer’s Odysseus was ruthless, too, in his own ways, and a dick. He doesn’t return to Ithica desperate and whimpering. He returns and ruthlessly murders a bunch of people.

Also- there was no power of friendship. The ghosts were trying to get Odysseus to join them in death/were in his head. I think the singing we hear in 600 and what Odysseus was doing was enacting vengeance on their behalf, not them helping him, though I personally would’ve liked that better than the jet pack.

To your last point- what stopped Homer’s Poseidon? The internet doesn’t give a straight answer. I don’t think there was one. So, like, good point, but an unfair point as well. I think this Poseidon decided Odysseus wasn’t worth the trouble anymore or that his point had been made. Plus, he’s failed to kill him twice, and he has protection from other gods, which might play into it.

Again, I think not liking this saga is valid. I personally liked all the songs but wished it could’ve been longer. I also didn’t like the jet pack angle because it felt absurd to me and took me out of the story. Like, it makes sense for the creator due to his apparent love for anime and epic moments, but I thought it was ridiculous and have chosen to ignore it. I would’ve liked the ghost angle or, more so, divine intervention from Athena again, but I also get what Jorge was going for. This saga was meant to be a build up and a conclusion. A closure of an arc. A full circle. The result to Poseidon’s earlier actions that set off the rest of the story.

Overall, this is an adaptation retelling, and Jorge’s made that pretty clear, having said before that he’s taken extensive liberties and to not use it as a source for the original. I see it like the Mythos retellings we see in bookstores like The Song of Achilles and Circe or fairytale retellings. Heavily based on the original but meant to be different.

I totally understand being disappointed, though, if that wasn’t what you were looking for.

Okay, I lied, I'm not done with vengeance saga.

For some reason I'm still so angry and sad because of it, that I need to criticize it more or I won't be able to sleep.

I'm again so fucking disappointed, the whole saga felt like some kind of joke. I mean, the song I was worried the most about - "not sorry for loving you - turned out to be the most normal one. Like, yeah, Calypso is still very selfish and manipulative, Odysseus just want to be as far from her as possible and etc, I don't like that we are clearly expected to sympathise with her, but you know, in the context of this saga I'll go with it.

Dangerous felt a little overdone. I love Hermes, "wouldn't you like" was my favorite song for a long time, and maybe compared to it "Dangerous" is trying so much to go with the same vibe, but feels so deliberate about this.

I don't have much to say about "Charybdis" because there is nothing really to talk about, visuals were great, but everything felt so rushed, and also so meaningless, like they just needed to show at least one obstacle for Odysseus before Poseidon and nothing more.

And, yeah...

"Get in the water" and "600 strikes".

If you haven't guessed it yet, I'm very disappointed.

First of all, it is a lot weaker musically that I've expected. Okay, maybe there are good. Maybe I just am not able to hear this, because through these two songs I just stared at the screen with the confused and disappointed look, so I wasn't able to enjoy music or acting on its own.

Second, I was so interested in "get in the water", i liked the snippet we had so much before. It was so cool, emotional, and dark. I was so invested in finding out how Odysseus could escape this, what he might have said to change Poseidon's mind, maybe expected there to be some gesture towards the Odyssey, where Odysseus would tell Poseidon that he will go on this quest with the oar and so on. Also, i hoped to finally see "snake tongued" Odysseus in action because, like, that's what he is the most known about, for his mastery in words.

But this?

This was so bad. It also feels so fucking disrespectful to Poseidon, like, don't get me wrong, i like the change in power balance, I love when a character who wasn't able to do anything at some point now is beating the shit out of his former abuser and etc, BUT THIS IS NOT WORKING WITH THE GODS AND MORTALS IN GREEK MYTHOLOGY. AND THIS IS NOT WORKING WITH POSEIDON AND ODYSSEUS, THE STORY OF THE ODYSSEY IS NOT ABOUT HOW TO BECOME STRONG ENOUGH TO BEAT THE GOD. IT IS SO FAR OFF!

Like, yeah, the original is neither about "learning that you need to be ruthless to be able to return home if that's what you want so much", but there is difference in the level of what level of getting things wrong is normal and can be called "creative liberties" and what level is just bad. If you wanted so much for Odysseus to show how ruthless he became, well, we've already seen "different beast" to show us his cruelty, don't you think that maybe if they showed us how epic-Odysseus is able to put aside all the men Poseidon has killed and all of the pain he himself have gone through because of Poseidon and just talk with him, bargaining about his own life or something like this it would have also shown his ruthless side in a new way and be so much more believable? Even if he pulled out "there are other ways" move I think I would belive it more than that he is able to defeat Poseidon, the god of SEA, STORMS and EARTHQUAKES, PHISICALLY, in the SEA, with the STORM and fucking power of friendship (no, I will not stop calling it like this).

You know, I have a lot more to say about this, but I guess i'll stop with this. I guess I feel so bad about it because I really liked epic, yeah, I had problems with it, but I considered it nice adaptation even if it's kind of far from the source material, it felt very good and respectful to the original Odyssey, but now it became this. So yeah, I'm really disappointed.

And also, even if epic Odysseus was somehow able to defeat a god, what the fuck will stop epic Poseidon from returning after couple of months recovery and just wipe whole Ithaca off the face of the earth after such offense and shame? Like literally what? Or little epic Poseidon is now so afraid of big bad epic Odysseus that wouldn't bare even think about his name again?

[angelbluediary]

2022 Reflection

It has now been a full year since I moved to [Redacted]. My first year ever of living alone. First year being a single adult woman. First year not being a student.

I'm still here, which is all I can really ask for at the end of the day.

I moved in with an armchair, two small cat towers, a coffee table, and a matching end table. Now I look around, and I'm astonished that everything within my reach is something I bought and/or built for myself. The bamboo mattress and the bed frame. The gaming chair. The computer desk. The small dresser. The miniature bookshelf. The vanity. The couch. The kitchen stools.

I spent so much time this past year hating my circumstances and where I live, and things could have been better for sure, but I'm content during quiet moments like this one. It's 4 pm and the sun is coming through sweetly through my window, onto my bed. My bed feels cozier since I started loading up pillows and blankets and my Squishmallow onto it. One day I'll have a nice bed frame, not a canopy frame, it’ll be sturdy and spacious feeling. But the canopy can be deconstructed and pieced into a cardboard box. I'll be grateful for it next time I move... when I replace the canopy with something else, that'll be a sign that I've finally settled. Whether in a place or with a person or both.

I think it's just this time of year, but I've been feeling nostalgic and achey about [Redacted]. The gentle lightbulb moment in the shower yesterday as it dawned upon me, over a year later, that I will never receive closure for this. Any of this. No confirmation for cheating. No confrontations about money. Probably no "I've been thinking about you, hope you're doing well" at an even later date from either of us. What a thought. That you can live completely intertwined with someone for almost 6 years and become strangers in a week.

Life is a series of hopeful sacrifices.

It's obvious I still haven't moved on. In a romantic way, the moving on happened before we broke up. I just can't move on from the way things used to be, or from the unfairness of how things went down, or the fact that I am in a new position during a new era of my life and I don't know how anything is supposed to go, anything at all. I get sad when I put myself out there. I get sad when I don't. I lose myself by the day, float back in a haze, and forget to write down the words of wisdom that occasionally unfurl in my mind. Then I feel uncomfy with where I am in my life and I smoke so that the music sounds better, my skin feels softer, my escapism is gold-paved.

Will I feel rooted somewhere at 26?

Why am I like this? I sat down only with intentions to celebrate this past year. Like noting:

attending two big kink events this year

experiencing FWB arrangement

scoring my apartment of choice and paying my rent/bills on time every damn month

filling out my apartment with my own belongings

getting $750 in a single "just because" tip

clubbing and being bought drinks

having the big conversation with my parents about my feelings and needs

What do I want this year?

money in savings

exciting perfect quiet cozy move in June

ideal remote job in writing or copyediting

new friendships/connections

exercise discipline

heart-pounding meet-cute with someone that turns into LOVE

more singing in the car with friends, or just general vibing times

clarity on who I am and what I want to do

[clairenatural]

I think about this all the time and I know that there are other people who would be much better at putting it into words than me, and this is going to be very long (sorry) but like. there’s a very clear narrative that Dean is fed about his parents his whole life, which is: 

- His dad is trying his best. His dad just wants him to be strong, like a man, to protect Sam. Everything his dad did was for his own good. He should be grateful to his dad. He should want to be his dad.

and

- His mom is a mythic figure. She is warm, and soft, and perfect. She exists in the memories that he has of her, where he associates her only with being safe and taken care of, and in the stories his dad tells him, where she is flawless. She is not a real person, she’s an idea--a symbol of the life they could have had. She is why they do everything that they do.

And Dean’s entire character arc from the very beginning is set up to have him break away from these thought patterns--from season 1 we see Dean idolize John, but then see John behave in ways entirely undeserving of that praise. He wears John’s coat. He drives John’s car. But as early as 1x09 Home we start to see that John is not the idol Dean talks about him as. 1x18, Something Wicked, is one of the more heartbreaking episodes when we see just how much John expects of him at age 9, both how much he has to take care of Sam and also how angry John gets when he accidentally puts Sam in danger. In 1x22, when John is possessed, Dean realizes it’s Azazel because “John” tells him he’s proud of him. Literal yellow-eyed demon Azazel overestimates how good of a father John is. And it’s a little later, but it’s still fairly early on in the series (3x10) when Dean has his “he wasn't fair! I didn't deserve what he put on me” moment (and it also has the “daddy’s blunt instrument” line). Like this was clearly set up, from the beginning, from Eric Kripke’s hand himself.

But it’s interspersed with these moments where John sells his soul for Dean, or has uneasy reconciliation with Sam, where it’s possible for the audience to stop and go “Wait. Maybe he....cares about them in his own way?” It’s supposed to be confusing because that’s why it’s so hard for Dean to break away from it, too. John sells his soul for Dean and Dean thinks, okay. He wasn’t bad. He did love me. I can’t be mad at him, because that would make me bad and ungrateful, etc. My dad was brave and I should want to be like him. And the cycle continues.

The problem! The problem is that a huge amount of the audience, and even a chunk of tptb, also buy into this narrative. Huge amounts of people believe exactly what Dean was told, even though the whole story is designed, from the beginning, for Dean to realize that’s all wrong--so the result is that there’s never any narrative closure. The audience is continuously told “John Winchester was an abusive monster who really fucked up both of his kids. Except, no, he was a Good Man and the boys need to forgive him and Dean should want to be a Good Man like him” which is also the message that Dean gets, which means he can never break the “Dad was abusive, except no, he was a Good Man and I should be like him” cycle.

This also happens with Mary, which is potentially where this post gets more controversial. We also start to see the “perfect mother” façade of Mary being dropped fairly early, when it’s revealed that she was a hunter and that she made the deal for John in exchange for Sam. But, obviously, the “perfect mother” ideal is fully deconstructed when she comes back in s12. 

I do think there are valid criticisms of Mary and I think they could have done parts better, and she does go on to betray them, but on a basic level Dean’s first instinct is to be angry that she doesn’t fit his perfect memories, not any of the other stuff. This leads to actual character development--to start to heal from his childhood, it’s important for him to realize that the mom he had in his head that he was Doing It All For wasn’t really a full person--just the idealized stories from his obsessive father and his own memories of 4-and-under, drenched in childhood nostalgia and the warmth of the only stable home he’s ever had. 

For some reason, Mary doesn’t have the untouchable status of John, so they’re actually allowed to grapple with this a bit and she and Dean are able to have the face-to-face “I am your mother, but I am not just a mom. And you are not a child.” “I never was.” conversation, which is heartbreaking because they’re both correct. I have not-so-positive thoughts about how the narrative holds her more accountable for simply not fitting into the idealized version of Mother Mary that her sons hold than it does John for being actually abusive, but that’s not this post, and ultimately they do move forward with the storyline of Dean coming to terms with it.

But people got so angry. I’m not talking about the people who have valid criticisms about how her character could have been more interesting, or how she does betray them, or any legitimate stuff--I’m talking about people being mad specifically because she “abandons” her sons again, and being mad that she didn’t just appear in the bunker’s kitchen baking endless pies. Those people have fallen into the exact same trap that Dean did--they idealized Mary and are angry when she’s a real person and not just a fantasy mother. 

This is a really long post but my point is that: when we meet him, Dean believes a set of fake truths about both his parents, which the narrative then tries to deconstruct. But, for some reason, a good chunk of the viewers (and, at least on John’s part, at least some of the production team) have also fallen for those fake truths; they think John was misguided but not abusive and ultimately was a good father, and that Mary was a perfect, pie-making mother. The end result is that John is never allowed to be held accountable, so Dean can never heal and grow, and Mary is absolutely demonized the moment she strays from that paradigm. And I just. Don’t know how to end this post but I think about this a lot. And it’s interesting. And I wonder how the show would have been allowed to go if it hadn’t happened like that.

[rubberchickeny]

@girllaura said she can't stop crying. This post is for you, but also all carylers that are having a really hard time right now.

There are many reasons to be upset, but we all seem to be upset for different reasons, which may or may not all be valid.

1) No Carol in spinoff

2) If there is no Carol in spinoff, that must mean 11c isn't going full acknowledgement (that's the word I personally use cause they are already friggin' canon!)

3) somebody must have screwed someone over

4) AMC is covering for it

Those are the reasons I can think of, keeping in mind the reactions I've seen and what's going on now. Imma tackle these issues one by one.

1) While I personally think Daryl spinoff with Daryl alone is not a good idea (maybe a very limited series with much less than ten episodes), I have to say that I don't mind, as long as 11c ends well and "happy" for now.

In my opinion franchises often spread themselves and the fans' supposed interest too thin, thinking $$$$$$$ instead of quality. Spinoffs rarely have that. I wouldn't want a "Joanie loves Chachi" calibre of a spinoff (look it up!), I'd want a Frasier, which not everyone even realizes or remembers was a spinoff. If you're not going to do the spinoff well and with proper writing, don't do it at all.

(Also, how good can the scripts be if they are supposed to write them now and start filming soon? They must have had a plan b, though, is what I think. If they did a short, very limited season of Daryl doing something somewhere before getting back to Carol, I wouldn't mind that. They just can't erase Carol now; that is my worry.)

2) I have actual fears of TWD pulling a GoT season eight on us, but I choose to have faith. The proper "end" for Daryl and Carol (=Caryl acknowledgement) should happen in the main series anyway, and not the spinoff. Their story is a huge chunk of the original TWD and that is where it should be shown. Any spinoff is just gravy.

Both 11a and 11b tied up pretty much all loose ends standing in the way of Caryl that don't come from their own lack of verbal (!) communication.

(Carol & co. found Connie, alive. Daryl found Leah, and gave her a chance to back away, but now that's done. Ezekiel was operated on, and he had closure with Carol about Henry and their relationship but it was clear even before it was stated by her that yes, that is over now.) That all cannot be a coincidence. Yes, there are several writers to a season, but when and if writing is good, these things don't happen and line up just by accident. They are heading to said acknowledgement, and they'd really have to pull off a GoT S8 to fail that now. (Still possible, but unlikely.)

3) We have no idea about this, and attacking people about it is plain wrong. Also stupid, because we are being painted as the crazies...and with some of the stuff I've seen (not only in Tumblr) I see their reasoning.

We can ponder why it is so necessary to shoot in Europe and we can question how wise it is for them to go ahead with it now instead of just waiting, but I'd hate to put any more pressure on the actors and Melissa McBride especially. She seems to have her own, valid reasons (ailing father, I read somewhere?) and that might also be one reason her role in s11 has been smaller than anticipated/hoped.

And I have a very hard time believing this is all Norman's "fault" either. The rumors and "inside information" sound like they're all made up by people who just want to stir shit, and Caryl shit in particular.

It's important to recognize the source of these feelings and to turn them into actual words. Is it because there is no Carol in spinoff or is it because we feel we have been duped and strung along? (Even gaslighted?) There is still 11c to come. Only after that can we, IMO, say we have been. As of now jury is still out.

4) I don't even know what to say to this one. As a big company I'm sure AMC is used to spin doctoring etc, but I don't see a conspiracy here, at the moment.

Everyone is entitled to their feelings, and that I truly believe in. It's the way those feelings are expressed sometimes that may turn problematic.

I wish you all strength and patience, and hope. Keep on keeping on!

[cheolkanojo]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKSJDKSJDKSDIKSDJSK (yes hello i am back with my keyboard smash and crying emojis u cant stop me)

oh god bambi i love love love this series so much. like i said this series gave me sth to look forward to every weekend. every chapter keeps giving me more and more surprises and excitement. oh god i love pretty please so so much 🥹💞💞

I AM STILL IN DENIAL THAT THIS SERIES HAS COME TO AN END… BUT AAAAHHH YOU WROTE THIS LAST CHAPTER SO BEAUTIFULLY LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO 😭😭😭♥️♥️♥️♥️

now, as usual, lemme scream abt this chapter!!!!

oh god seeing cherry so nervous is cute. IM SORRY but she’s just usually so cool and confident it’s sweet to see another side of her 😭😭 mingyu is such a sweetheart with her too aaaaaaa!!!! it’s sweet knowing her friends and family are there for her. especially seoah and her dad, I CRY EVERY TIME I REMEMBER WHAT THEY WENT THROUGH UNTIL THEY REACH THIS POINT 😭😭😭

WHEN CHEOL BRINGS HER FLOWERS… i kinda sobbed,,, their interaction here is so sweet even tho it kinda hurts bcs they haven’t completely talked it out hajdhsjdhd IT’S THE FRUSTRATION THAT I JUST WANT THEM TO BE TOGETHER???? YKNOW?????

(not to mention cherry almost called him “cheol” again… and “will you text me when you get home too?” AAAAAAKDHSKD 😭😭😭)

oh man WHEN THEY TALK ABT THE DRESS CHEOL WAS SUPPOSED TO GIVE HER AAAAAAAA i cried (99) idk i cry a lot reading this chapter im so weak 😭😭

their talk is so ,,, (BIG SIGH) ALL I CAN SAY IS YOU WROTE IT SO WELL?!?! like i said their conflict is so REAL (and i can somewhat understand cheol’s point of view hahah esp when ppl keep saying bros before hoes am i rite) im really glad they resolved it 🥺🥺

oh!!! i loved it when cheol sternly said he’s not talking to hajun anymore!!! (bitch deserved it LMAO) AND OH MY GODDDD THE PART WHERE CHEOL LOOKS AT HER WITH ADORATION IN HIS EYES (“it’s the same look he had when he was watching both of your friends at the restaurant.”) SKFHSKFJS I REMEMBER CHERRY WANTING SO BAD TO SEE THAT LOOK DIRECTED AT HER AND YOU REFERENCED THAT CHAPTER IM RLY CRYING 😭😭😭

THEIR CONFESSION AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i swear this part got me screaming so MUCH into my pillow!!!!1!1!1 😭😭😭😭😭 IM JUST SO?? HAPPY??? TO SEE CHERRY TALKING ABT HER FEELINGS AND FEELING THEM SO FREELY?!?!? seeing her always seeming like she’s restricting her own feelings makes this part so so heartwarming AAAAAAAAAAA

lmao when they banter about “i can like you but not kiss u” is so so cute THEYRE SO CUTE seungcheol is sulking!!!! YOU KNOW EVERYTHING IS OKAY WHEN CHEOL SULKS LMAO aaaaaaaaa theyre so in love your honor im so HAPPYYY 😭😭😭😭😭 (these are tears of joy)

ALSO AAAAAAAA THE SMUT WAS SO SWEET AND SOFT (but you just had to keep messy cheol didnt you 😁 I SAW IT ALL) it’s so hot yet so full of love 😭😭♥️♥️♥️

(ah yes i forgot to comment abt this bcs i was too absorbed w/ their “talk” BUT THE WAY CHERRY IS SCARED OF DOGS LMAO WKSHDKSHDSK THAT WAS SO FUNNY 😭😭😭 wow… another side of her that i didn’t expect to see at all… 🥹 she’s so cute HAHAH and the way cheol adores her sm yet also teases her a lot abt her fear of dogs is sooooo adorable!!!)

also gurl became clingy after they’re official AWWW she’s so cute. THEY’RE SO CUTE. 😭😭😭😭😭🫵🏻🫵🏻🫵🏻🫵🏻

I LOVEEEEE the ending. it’s so sweet, so warm, so lovely, and just perfect 😭😭 IM SO HAPPY TO SEE THEM HAPPY AND IN LOVEEEE OH MY GOD AKDHSMDDHSK 🥹🥹🥹🥹 it’s truly a sweet closure ♥️♥️

…welp? another longass comment, pls do forgive me 😅😅 (I HOPE YOU’RE NOT BOTHERED BY IT THO AKDHSKDH)

anw, i’ve said this before, but thank you (again!!!) so so much for writing this fic. lemme appreciate your hard work along with ur beta readers 🫶🏻✨ it’s truly a journey, watching cherry’s development as a character as well as seeing her relationship with cheol grow. it’s a wonderful experience. im glad i found this fic 🥹🥹💕💕

i can’t wait to see more of them if you decide to write cheolcherry again one day!! ♥️ they truly have a special place in my heart (and so does this fic)

have a great weekend, bambi! take care, and as usual, cheol loves you so so much 🫶🏻🫶🏻

pretty please (stay with me) || c.sc | 6 (m)

“After being assigned a fashion show for your big senior project, you set off to find volunteers to make it successful. However, when you meet Choi Seungcheol and his unfriendly clique through your volunteers, you realize they’re an unwanted package deal you can’t escape from. Can you handle Seungcheol’s obnoxious friends, and can he handle your brash behavior?”

🍒 Pairing: businessMajor!Seungcheol x fashionMajor!Reader (afab)

🍒 Rating/Genres/AUs: M(18+); Slice of life (!!!), slow burn, drama, fluff, angst, smut; Unrequited enemies to lovers, strangers to lovers, college au

🍒 Warnings: General tws + the big talk 🫣, mentions of slut-shaming and degradation (not in bed) -> plz lmk if im missing any! | [Smut warnings] protected sex, oral (f.), multiple orgasms, fingering, cum play, cum swallowing

🍒 WC: 12.6k

🍒 Betas: Sarah, Indi, Kelly, Freya 😻

🍒 Author’s Note: It's always so exciting and saddening when a series ends! It's been over a month since this series started! Special appreciation and thanks to those who have given me feedback and/or were here from the beginning! I really enjoy reading your reactions and analysis!

As I said before, this is the longest fic I've ever written, so this fic holds a special place in my heart for that reason alone. Anyway, thank you again (no this won't be the last time I say it!). Please enjoy the last chapter of "pretty please (stay with me)" 🥹❣️

also read here: AO3 | Wattpad

seventeen masterlist | main masterlist

previous chapter \\ pretty please masterpost // the end

You haven’t stood still in the past hour—buzzing around to everyone in the dressing room to make sure everything is being executed correctly. From last-minute wardrobe alterations to doing makeup and hair touches, you’ve been moving non-stop. Overseeing a fashion show is not easy, or maybe you’re just overthinking the tiniest details.

You aren’t getting a second chance at this, so you want to reduce the possibility of mistakes.

“Everything looks great; take a rest,” Mingyu tells you gently.

You glance up from your clipboard, having printed your to-do list and notes prior. Mingyu stands next to you with a kind smile. Your eyes scan him briefly. You reach forward to fix his outfit for the nth time, but he carefully grabs your wrists.

“It looks fine,” he chuckles.

“Exactly. It looks fine. I need it to be perfect,” you huff.

“You have twenty minutes before the show starts. Let’s go get some fresh air,” he says.

Despite your several headshakes, Mingyu pulls you out of the dressing room and toward the lobby.

“…doing here?”

“You weren’t answering my text or calls. I’d figure you’d be here.”

“We should talk another time.”

You strain your hearing when the voices register in your head. Mingyu glances at you and slows in his steps. From how clear their voices are, you figure Hajun and Seungcheol are around the corner.

“Let’s go out the other way,” Mingyu says, stepping in the other direction. You put a hand on his arm to stop him. You’re too curious to not eavesdrop.

“I’ll be quick,” you hear Hajun say.

Seungcheol sighs. “I already told you over the phone that I didn’t want to be around you when you’re being disrespectful.”

“I know, I know,” she says. “I’m sorry I said all those things to her. I just…I just wanted to look out for you.”

You have no doubt who she’s talking about. If she wants to apologize, she should apologize to you.

“I appreciate the thought, but I’m fine. She’s fine. She’s not as bad as you think,” Seungcheol replies.

“I think you’re just too kind, Cheollie,” she says. “She’s not very nice. She’s not been a good influence on you.”

“That grade wasn’t because of her,” he reasons as if he knows what she’s referring to.

Your eyebrows scrunch at that. What is he talking about? What grade?

“No? Then why have you been so distracted in class? Or why do you show up exhausted?” 

“Those have all been my choices, though,” Seungcheol argues.

“Perhaps, but does she know the world doesn’t revolve around her? She should be considerate and stop being so clingy,” Hajun explains. 

Maybe if you viewed her neutrally, you would think she genuinely has his best interest at heart. But with how she’s treated you, it’s difficult to believe that. 

Mingyu tugs on your arm gently.

“You have ten minutes until showtime,” he whispers in your ear.

You close your eyes, listening to Hajun give more reasons for why you aren’t fit for Seungcheol. You want to stay and hear it all. You want to know if he will keep defending you. However, you’re not about to let all your hard work go to waste.

You nod, tearing yourself away and striding back to the room. You roll your shoulders back, head held high as you channel your attention on doing another round of adjustments.

When it’s three minutes until the show, you discreetly peep your head around the curtains. The theatre is packed, mostly with faces you don’t know. Though on one side, you can see your dad and sister. On the other side, are your new friends. Though the one person you are hoping to see isn’t there.

Seungcheol’s seat is empty.

You know he’s here. You hate how your mind starts forming negative thoughts. Perhaps Hajun has succeeded in making him hate you. Maybe he left with her.

You move away from the curtains and stare at the floor. There’s a tightening in your chest that’s a painful discomfort. After the argument, you were prepared not to see him here. Yet after the brief conversation and learning he had still gotten tickets, hope had risen. Even if it was just a sliver, you wanted to believe you could go back to where you were. Part of you even wished you were blissfully ignorant of his assumptions of you—even though they’re wrong and a “joke” to him.

You have the sudden urge to stand him up tomorrow. You don’t want to see him knowing he was here for you but left with her. However, you need to stop running away. You know you will be happier in the future if you have closure.

Before you can take another glance at the audience, Dr. Lim’s voice sounds.

“Alright, everyone, you’ve all been working hard this semester, and I’m very proud of you all,” he starts, “Remember, you’ll all give a quick introduction of your collection, and then once all your models have walked, you’ll give a final statement.”

You feel a hand on your arm. You turn to see Dae beside you. She’s smiling at you, wiggling your arm as if to say, “We did it!”

You offer a small one, trying to focus on the show again. Too much is going through your mind, and you need to narrow it down.

“You look nervous,” Dae whispers in your ear while Dr. Lim keeps speaking.

“I am, a little,” you answer.

“Don’t worry, I am too. At least we’re done, though. Well, we will be in a few hours,” she giggles.

“Okay, everyone is free to watch from anywhere backstage except for the person on deck. If you’re next, you must be here and ready to go. Everyone ready?”

You nod along with the rest of your class.

“Great, George, you’re first. Siwon, you’re on deck. Don’t forget your order, everyone!”

With that, people start moving. Dae guides you to a corner backstage that has a decent view. It’s angled so you can see your family more than your friends. You crane your neck to check the seats again. This time, two seats are missing. Jeonghan isn’t there anymore. Odd.

“Good evening, all,” Dr. Lim greets as he walks onto the stage. There’s faint music playing in the background, and your heart starts to race knowing there’s no going back now.

“Thank you for coming to support our designers. I am eager to show you the student’s work. Please keep in mind that each student was in charge of their theme, hair, makeup, music, lighting, promotion, and of course, their clothes,” he explains. 

“There won’t be an intermission as the show is rather short, so if you need to go, please exit quietly. With that, also please turn off your cellular devices. Now that I’ve rambled long enough, let’s get started!”

The audience claps as the lights dim. You and Dae watch your peers conduct their shows, both commenting on them quietly every so often. The themes range from specific colors, to movies, to holidays. Although you don’t like most of your classmates, it’s nice to see the variety of art being presented. Soon, it’s yours and Dae’s turn. You wish each other good luck before tending to your models.

You’re on deck, going down the line of your models as you listen to Dae’s introduction. 

“Hello everyone, I’m Dae, and my collection is titled, ‘Limitless’.”

You smile when you hear a few familiar hollers. You’re glad she befriended all your new friends too.

“My theme is space as I want to learn and grow endlessly. Although our space is dark, I want to be one of the stars that shine.”

Dae’s voice fades out as you continue your inspection.

“Take deep breaths,” Mingyu says when you approach him. You reach up and shift a few pieces of his outfit. He stands still as you do so.

“Thanks,” you murmur. “No funny business out there, okay?”

Mingyu smiles. “Of course. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Good, because I know where you live,” you threaten. It’s meant to be told jokingly, but you both know you’re serious.

“Always so charming,” he laughs.

“So I’ve been told,” you smile and pat his chest. “Thanks for agreeing to do this, Mingyu.”

“I could never say no to showing off my handsome features,” he replies, tilting his chin up with confidence.

“Maybe I should have asked Jeonghan instead,” you tease.

Mingyu scoffs playfully, opening his mouth to reply but stops when Dr. Lim appears.

“Yn, ready?”

You face him and nod. “I’m good to go.”

“Excellent,” he pauses, “It was nice having you in class again. I’m wishing you a bright future. You have talent, and I’m excited to see what you do with it.”

“Thank you, Dr. Lim,” you reply. He gives you a grin before leaving again.

Mingyu’s thumbs raise in encouragement when you glance at him. The small smile you offer fails to hide your nervousness.

“People are going to love your designs,” Mingyu reassures. “Now, go get yourself ready.”

“R-right,” you say.

You make your way to the front of your model’s line as you hear Dae give her ending speech. You want to listen to what she’s saying, but you’re too anxious. You glance at yourself in the mirror that is situated backstage, quickly adjusting the outfit you made yourself.

It’s all red—not because of Seungcheol, you tell yourself, but because you needed to match the fabric Jeonghan had bought you—with the top being covered in rhinestones and fading out. The dress hugs your torso and then flares into a flowy bottom with a slit. Over your neck and shoulder blades is red lace that is attached to the fabric Jeonghan got you, giving you a cape that pools on the floor a little. The space between your dress and the cape shows enough skin to be sexy but not overly so to be inappropriate for a school event. 

Although the fabric was meant to be used for one of your model’s outfits, it wasn’t the blue you wanted, and you had already switched your design after Tori took the original from you. You had already planned to make your own dress for the event but hadn’t decided on the design. Since you didn’t want Jeonghan’s fabric to go to waste, you created a design based on it—using your original idea meant for the blue fabric but tweaking it.

Applause erupts, cueing you that you are next. Although you aren’t able to watch Dae’s show, you know Seoah is recording, upon your request, so you can watch it later.

Dae walks backstage as Dr. Lim goes to introduce you.

Dae is beaming, eyes crinkling and mouth open in utter happiness. She goes to you and wraps her arms around you.

“What a rush! That was so fun,” she gushes. “You’re going to do great.”

You return the hug quickly. Her energy bleeds into yours, and your heart races with nervousness. After years of being a spectator of the show, it’s finally your turn to be a participant. You feel all your years at the university have led to this moment. 

“Please welcome Yn,” Dr. Lim says.

Dae gives you an encouraging pat on the back before she steps away. You take a moment to inhale a deep breath, rolling back your shoulders and stepping out onto the stage.

The stage lights are blinding, making it difficult to see out into the entire crowd. You take the mic from your professor and curl your fingers around the object a little tighter than you should. Your eyes dart across unfamiliar faces as your eyes try to adjust to the lights.

“Good evening. My name is Yn, and my collection is titled, ‘Pinwheel’,” you start, voice wavering to show how anxious you are. As you take a quick second to recollect yourself, your eyes snag on a face you’re keen to see.

Seungcheol.

He didn’t leave.

Normally, you would question why he took so long to be seated, but you’re too jittery with the show. You don’t have the energy. Rather you focus on his eyes. They watch you fondly. His hair is pushed from his face like he put some product in it. You feel honored he dressed up for you.

He tilts his head and stretches his lips into a reassuring smile. Although it makes your heart pump quicker, it also gives you the push you need to continue.

“You’ll see an array of colors and designs that represent the four elements—air, water, earth, and fire. I wanted to try different styles that still coordinated together in some way. I hope you all enjoy,” you continue.

The crowd applauds, and amongst the noise, you can make out a few hollers from your friends. It eases your nervousness as you walk off stage. The lights adjust, and the track Jihoon created begins to play.

You motion for the first model to begin walking. You stay in the same spot as your volunteers ascend the runway. You fall into a rhythm as you time your models. When it comes to Mingyu, you expect him to sneak in a joke. However, his face is set in stone and is serious. You smile softly and lightly touch his arm to signal him. 

You glance beyond the curtain to watch him for a second. As Mingyu promised, he doesn’t do anything to ruin your show. If you didn’t know he was a photography major, you would suspect he was an actual model. A goofy part of your brain wonders if he practiced his walk in his apartment.

Two models left and then everyone will do one more walk. That’s all you have left. Despite the already short time of your portion of the show, it feels a lot shorter. Everything has been going well so far. No models slip, your outfits stay intact, and there aren't any technical difficulties.

You appear in front of the audience again as your models finish their last trip around the stage. Your models stay on the stage, allowing the audience to associate the designs with the designer.

“As you’ve heard many times tonight, thank you for coming. This project was challenging, but the reward was worth it. If you have any questions about my collection, please don’t hesitate to ask me after the show. Thank you,” you conclude, giving a bow.

Each clap from the audience chips away at the weight on your shoulders. You can breathe easier knowing that that is it. The project you’ve been waiting to do since before your freshman year has finally come and gone. And gone well nonetheless.

You watch as your friends and family stand, big smiles on all their faces. Although they all mean a lot to you, you can’t help but look for Seungcheol out of all of them.

He stands tall, hands clapping together, with a huge grin on his handsome face. His eyes shine with pride, and you can feel that familiar warmth spreading across your chest again. It feels like you’ve just given your first fashion show as a big-name designer, but in reality, it’s simply a senior project. Seungcheol makes it feel more than it is. And that makes you feel all the more confident.

There are only three more students after you. You and Dae go back to you where you were originally seated, this time accompanied by Mingyu—now dressed in his own clothes. As the show ends, all the students file onto the stage.

“It was a joy to witness the progression of the student’s works. Thank you for another successful show. Seniors, you should all be proud of your work,” Dr. Lim pauses to glance at you all. “Please enjoy the refreshments in the lobby. You’re welcome to mingle and network for at least another hour. Now, please give another round of applause for our talented students.”

The sound fills your chest with a bittersweet feeling as you take your final bow.

“Your designs were gorgeous!” Seoah exclaims when she finds you in the lobby. She runs into you, wrapping her arms around you in a tight hug. Your father comes next, joining in a three-way embrace.

“You did amazing, sweetheart,” he compliments. Your heart is swelling from their kind words. They have seen some of your past designs, but this is different. Even though it’s a school production, it’s still the biggest fashion show you’ve ever been a part of.

“I need you to make me that green one! The one that looked like it was made of leaves and vines. That was my favorite. You get to keep your clothes, right?” Seoah speaks quickly in excitement.

You laugh softly, nodding. “I’m afraid family relations only grant you a five-percent discount.”

“What?” she huffs. “I should get it for free for being the best sister.”

“You’re my only sister,” you argue.

“Which makes me more special!”

“Alright, girls. We can arrange a business deal at home. I’m going to take Seoah to get some ice cream. We’ll see you later,” your father says. You give them each a last hug before waving them goodbye.

You don’t even get a minute break before you feel arms wrap around you.

“I told you you would do great!”

Soonyoung’s loud voice rings in your ear, causing you to flinch. He tears himself from you with a big smile. Your friends gather around in a semicircle, all showering you with praises and words of encouragement. However, like before, one face is missing from the crowd.

“Even though I just met you this semester, I’m proud of you,” Yejun says. You thank him before watching as he leaves to go to Dae. He’s more her friend than yours, but you’re still grateful for his words.

“Does Mingyu get to keep his outfit?” Vernon questions.

You shake your head.

“Good,” Seungkwan chimes in. “He doesn’t deserve such nice clothes.”

“Hey!” Mingyu gasps, offended.

“Excuse me?” an unfamiliar voice interrupts your crowd. All heads turn to see an older woman, dressed professionally. “Yn, right?”

You turn away from your friends to greet the stranger. “Yes, hello.”

“My name’s Park Quinn. I work for a local agency and wanted to give you my contact information. I loved your collection,” she says.

Your eyes widen. “Oh, that’d be great.”

You take the card she gives you.

“I don’t want to take time away from your friends, so please contact me whenever you can. We can try to arrange something if you’re interested.”

You nod, trying not to seem too enthusiastic and eager at the proposal.

“Of course. Thank you, Ms. Park.”

She smiles and then turns away. Before you can dive back into your friend’s bickering, which you can hear faintly in the background, more people come up to greet you. Many of whom you don’t know. Some are prospective students; others are more recruiters.

You’re talking to different people for what feels like ages before the crowd finally slows down. Your friends left a few minutes ago, telling you they’ll arrange a time you can all hang out. 

You’re backstage to gather your belongings and clothes when there’s a soft knock on the open door.

“I’m almost done,” you announce, figuring it’s Dr. Lim coming to tell you to hurry so he can lock the theatre.

“Take your time, Cherry.”

Your hands pause in reaching for a garment bag, gaze whizzing to see the person.

Seungcheol stands in the doorway with a small bouquet of flowers. They’re a mix of reds, pinks, and greens. It’s beautiful. 

Too nervous about the show earlier, you finally take in his attire. He’s wearing an all-black suit, the undershirt being a turtleneck. You saw his new hairstyle while on stage, but it still surprises you to see it up close. 

He looks stunning.

“What are you doing here?” you ask, a little shocked to see him.

He smiles, walking farther into the room. “I wanted to give you these.”

He holds out the bouquet. You stare at it a little too long because Seungcheol starts to chuckle.

“Not the ones you like?” he teases. He begins to set them down on a nearby table, but you stop him. You take it in your free hand, the other occupied with other items.

“They’re pretty,” you reassure. “Thank you.”

He grins when you finally accept them. In exchange, he grabs your belongings from you. You tilt the flowers to your face, breathing in their fresh smell and grinning slightly.

“Your collection was incredible,” he says.

“You think so?” you hum, eyes glancing at the clothes which are hanging in bags. 

“The best out there.”

You smile. “You sound a little biased, Seungcheol.”

“Maybe,” he shrugs, “but I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks so.”

Silence fills the room as you both stare at each other. His eyes drift to your body. You feel a little shy, and the need to fill the silence grows. You want to ask what took him so long to come into the theatre, but that would mean you were actively looking for him. It would also mean Hajun would most likely be mentioned if he decided to go into detail. That topic could wait until tomorrow. You’re enjoying being able to talk to him like you used to, albeit a little more consciously.

“D-do you like it?” you ask in lieu.

Seungcheol’s eyes move back to yours.

“You made this?” he asks, gesturing to your dress.

You nod.

“You’re very talented,” he praises. “Though that was evident earlier… You look beautiful, Yn.”

Something about hearing your real name from his mouth has the compliment’s meaning more impactful.

“I do?” you ask, shifting your weight.

“I’ve never heard you so doubtful before,” he observes with a gentle grin. “First about your designs, and now about your looks.”

He reaches out to you, and for a split second, you think he’s going to caress your face. Instead, he grazes his fingers over the cape’s fabric.

“You do look pretty,” he hums. His eyes scan the material, gaze softening as if recalling something bittersweet.

“Jeonghan bought it for me,” you state. You’re not sure why you disclose that information. Why does it matter to Seungcheol if Jeonghan gifted the fabric to you? He probably doesn’t care. The air just felt too suffocating to stay silent. 

“That’s nice of him,” he mutters before pulling away. Maybe you’re imagining it, but he sounds more monotone than before.

“Y-yeah.”

Another pause.

“Actually, I should probably change out of it. Do you mind?” you ask. You expect him to make a joke of “having seen it all already,” but he doesn’t.

“Oh, yeah. Of c-course,” he answers, turning around.

You wait a few seconds to ensure he isn’t going to peek before finding your bag with your spare clothes. The dress you don is too long to wear outside. You don’t want it to get snagged on anything; plus, you’ll probably get your foot tangled in the fabric in the car later.

You quickly change into a simple dress and sneakers, stuffing your red dress in another garment bag.

“Okay, I’m done,” you announce.

Seungcheol turns slowly. He takes in your new outfit, and if you didn’t squirm and look away, you would’ve spotted the little smile on his lips.

“Do you need help cleaning up?” he asks, glancing around the room. It’s mostly empty. You just need to carry the clothes back to your car.

“You don’t have to stay. Thank you for the flowers,” you say.

“Well, I’m not letting you walk to your car alone,” he replies.

“I’ll be fine. The campus is well-lit.”

Seungcheol eyes you, mouth pursing to tell you he doesn’t care.

You sigh and hold out the bouquet, knowing he isn’t going to leave. “Hold these.”

He does so and watches as you drape the garment bags over a table. You start to dissemble the clothing rack.

“I could’ve done that,” Seungcheol says.

“I’m sure you’re capable, but it’s quicker if I do it. I know how to take it apart,” you reason. You place the pieces in the bag they came in, zipping it and placing the strap on your shoulder.

“Let me,” Seungcheol offers.

“I don’t know,” you say slowly, stepping away. “You look awfully pretty holding those flowers.”

And he does. 

His dark clothes and hair contrasting with the bright colors of the flowers, create a pleasing sight. 

Upon hearing your teasing tone, he grins. “You look prettier with them, so take them.”

He holds out the object, but you shake your head. You hang the clothes over your arms despite his second protest.

“I need a good view on our walk to my car,” you explain and start to move to the door. He follows reluctantly.

Somehow along the journey, you end up swapping items anyway. You now hold the bouquet, unable to stop taking several whiffs. You can’t remember if you’ve ever gotten flowers before. Maybe one or two, but never a whole bouquet.

Seungcheol packs your car carefully, ensuring he doesn’t accidentally destroy any of your outfits. They’re all protected in bags, but that doesn’t make them invincible.

“Are we still meeting tomorrow?” he asks when you’re seated in your car; your window is rolled down to talk to him. He has one hand resting on the roof of your car as he peers in.

“If you’re still willing to,” you reply.

“I am,” he answers.

“Okay.”

A pause.

“Will you text me when you get home?” he asks.

“You don’t need—”

“Or I can tail you. It’s your choice, Cherry.”

You exhale audibly.

“I’ll text you,” you decide.

He smiles. “I thought so.”

He stands up to leave, telling you a goodbye you barely register as you debate something in your head.

“Wait, Ch-Seungcheol,” you call and peek your head out.

He pauses in his steps to look back.

“Will you… text me when you get home, too?” you ask hesitantly. The question shouldn’t make you nervous, but it does. Maybe because it’s a hint that you still care about him. 

The corner of Seungcheol’s mouth rises, a gentle chuckle escaping into the night.

“Yes.”

The simple word has you reflecting your own grin, giving him a final wave as he walks to his car, which is easily visible due to the nearly-empty lot. You wait for him to get into his vehicle before you leave.

You [10:48 PM]: Home.

Choi Seungcheol [10:56 PM]: good

You [10:57 PM]: Are you texting and driving, or are you home as well?

Choi Seungcheol [10:57 PM]: home (:

You [10:58 PM]: Did you forget to tell me?

Choi Seungcheol [10:59 PM]: no i just got home

You [10:59 PM]: Okay.

You [10: 59 PM]: Thank you for coming and for the flowers.

Choi Seungcheol [11:00 PM]: u dont need to thank me. i enjoyed it

You [11:01 PM]: Still… Goodnight, Seungcheol.

Choi Seungcheol [11:01 PM]: sweet dreams cherry

The trek to Seungcheol’s apartment door is grave.

As much as you try to push away the last memories you had here, they’re difficult to ignore. Each step makes the feelings resurface. You just wish this visit won’t end in the same way. His words from that day still sting, but you’re tired of staying in the past. The short interaction with him last night reminds you of how nice it is to be around him when you aren’t fending off his business friends. It spurs the hope you once felt that you could somehow make it work with him.

Seungcheol had messaged you earlier that something had come up and asked to meet at his apartment instead of the café. You were hesitant at first, but he reassured you he wasn’t going to offer a ride. It’s a bit silly that the decision is based on whether he is driving you, but you feel more comfortable knowing you don’t have to rely on him if things go awry.

Seungcheol opens the door with a kind smile.

“Come in,” he greets, stepping to the side.

You move past him and take off your shoes while he shuts and locks the door.

“I’m sorry about the change in plans, I—”

Your scream has him halting.

You hastily push yourself behind Seungcheol, shoving your back against the wall and clutching his shirt roughly. 

The abrupt yank on his clothes has Seungcheol stumbling backward. His hands come up to steady himself on the wall, trying not to crush you. 

You hold him close to your body as a shield.

“Get it away! Please, Cheol! Make it leave!” you yelp frantically.

“W-what? What’s wrong?!” Seungcheol asks, completely startled by your sudden outburst. He tries to turn to face you, but your strong grip on his shirt limits his range of motion. “It’s only… Oh.”

Seungcheol laughs.

A chorus of “ha’s” that has you hitting his back in frustration.

“Cheol!” you whine when a loud woof sounds in the room.

“I didn’t know you were scared of dogs,” he muses.

In front of Seungcheol is a big, furry dog. The breed is unknown to you, but that’s the least of your worries. You truly don’t give a fuck. You just need it gone.

“Well, I am, so make it go away!” you cry and give his muscular back another thud. 

“Okay, okay. Let go, Cherry,” he chuckles. You slowly release him, keeping your body one with the wall.

“Come on, Cho, let’s give Cherry some space,” he says cheerfully to the dog; the pitch is higher than before. Why does the beast get to hear that tone from him?

“It’s staring at me,” you huff, eyes on the animal carefully.

“He’s just interested in you,” Seungcheol chuckles, hand rubbing the dog’s head. He moves away and tries to call the dog to him, but it doesn't listen.

Another yelp comes from your lips when it starts to walk toward you again. Seungcheol kneels down and holds onto its chest instead, almost as if he’s hugging it.

“Go to my bedroom; I’ll be there in a second,” he instructs kindly.

“It’s going to chase me,” you say.

He laughs softly. “I’m holding onto him. You’re safe.”

“Are you sure?” you ask cautiously.

“Yes. Go on,” he smiles encouragingly, nodding in the direction of his room.

Slowly, you push away from the wall. You stay a good distance from the beast in Seungcheol’s arms. As if it wants to tease you, it barks at you. That lights a fire under your ass that makes you break out into a sprint.

You shut his door in a hurry.

You step away from the entry in case the dog decides to knock it down. As you unwind, your eyes scan his room. Nothing has really changed—not that it should’ve. While his bathroom door is ajar, his closet is on full display. You don’t think anything of it, but then your eyes catch on to something red. He has red in his closet, so the color isn’t what intrigues you. What catches your attention is that it’s a dress.

A red dress in Seungcheol’s closet.

You shouldn’t be touching his stuff without his permission, but your hand reaches out on its own. You carefully graze your fingers over the material. The silk is smooth under your touch. It feels good against your skin.

There’s a bag hanging off the hanger. You should stop while you can—snooping never ends well for anyone. Yet, that doesn’t halt your hands from removing the bag and peering inside. It’s empty except for a receipt.

You figure it’s for the dress; however, the name of the place at the top isn’t a clothing store.

It’s a fabric store.

Seungcheol’s door suddenly opens, jolting you from your spot, paper still in hand.

“Are you okay? I would’ve put him in another room if I had known you were scar—”

His eyes fall onto your hand. They grow slightly, and he stands still.

You take the moment to look back at it, scanning the item to try to figure out what it’s for. Before you can examine it for long, it’s pulled from your grasp.

“What’s that for?” you ask as he stuffs it in the pocket of his jeans.

“Nothing. Why are you looking through my stuff?” he questions back. His tone isn’t unkind, but it’s not as cordial as it was before.

You can lie about it, but it was in a bag you deliberately opened. Unless he forgot where he put it, he would know the truth.

“I was curious,” you answer truthfully.

“It’s not polite to look through people’s things,” he scolds and walks to his closet door. He starts to shut it, but you can’t move past the mysterious dress.

“Are you seeing someone?” you wonder. There’s something sharp prodding your heart at the possibility. Perhaps it shouldn’t matter. Maybe you’re just here to mend a broken platonic friendship rather than a romantic one. You were never his to begin with, but something breaks in your chest at the idea of the opportunity being taken from you.

Suddenly, “Are you dating Hajun?”

All those times you pushed him away… Were you pushing him into her arms instead? Is that why he never let go of her? But he didn’t sound like her boyfriend in the theatre’s lobby.

Seungcheol finishes shutting his closet door before he focuses on you. His eyes dance across your face for a moment. You can’t tell what he’s thinking.

“What makes you think that?” he asks. He moves to sit on the bed, patting the space beside him, but you shake your head. You don’t want to be close to him right now.

“The dress,” you trail off, “in your closet.”

He releases a dispirited exhale.

“It’s not hers,” he says.

The grip around your heart loosens an inch but still holds on tightly.

“Hana’s?”

“No.”

“Then?”

“Let’s resolve our other issues before we get into another, okay?” he suggests.

Your eyebrows furrow. “So, the dress would cause another issue?”

“Hasn’t it already?” he sighs. “You weren’t meant to see that.”

You scoff, arms crossing. “I would’ve never guessed.”

Seungcheol frowns at your sarcasm.

“We can talk about it later.”

“Why dance around the topic? Just tell me if you’re seeing someone,” you argue.

“Why?” he replies, eyebrow quirking.

“Because—” I want to know if there’s a chance for us. “—that would explain the dress.”

“Just dro—”

“What’s the big deal?”

“It’s—”

“Just tell me.”

“Cherry,” Seungcheol groans.

“Yes or no. It’s simple.”

“No.”

“No, you’re not dating, or no, you don’t want to answer me?”

“No, I’m not dating anyone.”

You narrow your eyes at him. Some relief floods in your chest, but there’s still something odd about the wardrobe addition.

“Then—”

“It’s yours,” he finally huffs out, irritation laced in his tone.

That shuts you up successfully.

“It’s for you,” he sighs, voice softer, and stands up. “Or, it was for you.”

He pulls open his closet and takes the garment off its hanger. He grabs one of your hands and places the item in it. Before you can get a proper grip on it, Seungcheol lets go which forces you to clutch it quickly. 

“Wha-What do you mean? I-I didn’t leave this here. I’ve never worn this. I—”

Seungcheol shakes his head. “It’s new. I got it before… before our fight. It was supposed to be a surprise for you.”

Your eyes drift to the dress in your hands, lifting it up to see it better. It’s nothing too flashy, but it’s still beautiful with its simplicity.

That pang in your heart comes back but for a different reason.

“You’re not just saying this as an excuse, right?” you ask, the thought bubbling in your mind.

He gently takes the dress from you, laying it out on one side of the bed while guiding you to the other. He sits you down.

“No,” he answers. “I’m telling you the truth. It’s yours if you want it—no strings attached. If not, I can donate it.”

Your eyes move back to the clothing item.

“Why did you get it for me?” you ask and look at him.

Seungcheol rakes a hand through his hair, ears turning a light pink. “I was going to ask you on a date.”

“Y-you were?” you stammer, eyes wide. You’ve always wondered if what he told you while you were crying in his arms was true or if it was all just said in the heat of the moment. Your heart races knowing he meant them. He really did like you then.

“And I was going to ask you to wear this,” he explains, eyes moving from yours.

You continue to stare at him, flabbergasted. His plan was sweet, and part of you feels bad for having ruined it. Though, that wasn’t entirely your fault.

You’re not sure how to respond. You feel utterly honored that he got you a dress for your potential first date with him. However, you don’t know where you stand right now. Unresolved issues still hang in the air.

“Let’s talk about something else, then get back to this, alright?” he tries again.

This time, you nod.

“I know I already apologized, but I truly am sorry for what I said here last time,” he begins.

“Were you really just joking?” you wonder.

“It was a mix, honestly. I was a little shocked at the thought of you never having sex before.”

You frown but try to keep your emotions in control. “Why?”

“Because I’ve heard you’ve gotten around.” He winces as the words come out. You glance in your lap for a second, grabbing the hem of your skirt to play with it.

“From who?”

You aren’t too surprised to hear this information. You have plenty of “enemies” on campus. One of them was bound to start rumors. Hell, you have a few exes that go to the university, so they could’ve spread false information too.

“Several people,” he speaks softly so he doesn’t hurt your feelings. “I actually knew about you before we met at Jeonghan’s.”

“Really?” you question and look at him again. 

“Yeah, but I heard about you a lot more when Hajun and Hana realized who you were,” he explains. “I guess their words stuck without me knowing.”

Your lips dip down. “Did you believe them?”

You hold your breath as you wait for his reply. You already have a feeling Hajun and Hana have talked enough shit about you to fill two whole toilets, but their opinion of you isn’t the one that matters.

Seungcheol sighs, gaze drifting from you and then away.

“I’ve never seen you act the way they described, so not completely,” he answers.

“Not completely?” you repeat.

“There was always that thought in the back of my head… Wondering if you just wanted to sleep with me.”

A scoff. “You thought that even when I kept pushing you away at the start?”

“Maybe you were playing hard to get,” he attempts to reason.

“No, I was genuinely annoyed,” you say.

“Ouch,” he frowns.

“Also, need I remind you that you were the one that kept approaching me?” you add.

Seungcheol leans back on one hand, the other running through his hair again.

“I know,” he says. “I think I just heard Hajun and Hana talk so much that the thought was just always there because of them. I never saw the person I heard about… Well, you weren’t always nice, which I also heard.”

You roll your eyes, not truly irritated at his last comment since it isn’t entirely false. “I’m not one to play along if I don’t like you.”

“I’m aware,” he answers, a small smile on his lips.

“Why did you stay friends with them when they said bad things about me?” you question next.

“Like I said that day, I had known them a long time, and we were in a project together.”

You recall his reasoning, but you still want to ask. “That’s it?”

“Why do you think I did it?”

“Because you agreed with their views on me,” then you mutter, “or maybe because you liked Hajun.”

Seungcheol’s eyebrows angle downward. “I’ve never felt anything romantic toward Hajun, and I didn’t believe them.”

“Did it not bother you when they said that stuff?” you ask.

“It did. I really did tell them to stop when you weren’t around,” he answers. “It’s not easy to let go of people you’ve known for years.”

“I beg to differ,” you huff.

“Would you ditch Dae if she spoke badly about me constantly?” he questions.

You tilt your head. “That would mean I have to care about you a lot.”

“Don’t you?” he teases lightly, leaning toward you.

You smile small. “More than her? No.”

“Breaking my heart, Cherry,” he chuckles and pulls away. He inhales deeply and then continues. “I was hoping something would change, and you would all get along.”

“I told you it would never have worked out,” you reply.

“Wishful thinking,” he shrugs.

You nod, moving your gaze again. An important question lingers in your mind. You want to ask, but you’re truly nervous about his answer. At one point, you would’ve found a way for it to work, but now, you don’t know if you can.

“Ask me,” Seungcheol coaxes softly. You glance at him, wondering how he knows you have a question for him.

He chuckles. “I know there’s more running in that pretty head of yours.”

Taking a deep breath, you nod.

“Are you still talking to them?”

He was just talking to Hajun yesterday, so you aren’t going to be surprised if he says yes.

“No, I’m not,” he answers sternly.

That shocks you more.

“Y-you’re not?”

He chuckles, shaking his head.

“I realized I care about you more than I do them,” he says, echoing your earlier words. “I choose you. I’ve always chosen you in the end—even if it didn’t feel like it.“

You’re on the edge of inwardly celebrating. It’s relieving to finally hear he has cut ties with the people who made your life miserable.

“I-I saw you… I mean, I heard you yesterday with Hajun at the theatre,” you confess.

It’s his turn for his eyes to open bigger. “Nothing happened between us.”

“What was she talking about with your grades?” you ask, recalling how she used that against you.

Seungcheol rubs his temples. “I just got a low test score. It really isn’t a big deal.”

“Because of me?” You frown.

“No,” he’s quick to reassure, “it had nothing to do with you.”

“But Hajun said—”

“She was just finding excuses for me not to be there,” he explains. “Her words didn’t mean anything. I’ve gotten low grades before.”

“She seemed serious,” you argue.

“Because she was,” he sighs.

“Do you really think she was looking out for you?”

Seungcheol rubs at the back of his neck. “Sort of, but I also think she was exaggerating things to make you seem worse.”

“I’m sorry if I distracted you from your studies. I should’ve left you alone,” you apologize, averting your gaze.

Seungcheol reaches out to grab one of your hands. You look at him when you feel his touch.

“Even if you tried, I would’ve kept bugging you,” he replies. His words make you feel a little better, but you still feel guilty despite him saying it isn’t your fault.

“Why would you have?” you ask.

He smiles kindly, eyes softening at the thought of his reply.

“Because I liked you and wanted to get to know you more.”

Your face heats at his words, or maybe it’s because your body is tingling with his skin against yours. Regardless, you feel the butterflies awaken in your stomach.

“Do you—do you still,” you trail off, feeling anxious at the question.

“Do I what?” he presses gently. His thumb glides against the top of your hand.

You stare at his floor when you continue slowly, “Do you still like me?”

There’s a moment of silence before you feel his fingers against your chin. He guides you to look at him; he’s staring at you as if he cherishes and adores you. 

It’s the same look he had when he was watching both of your friends at the restaurant. It’s difficult to believe he’s giving that gaze to you now. 

You can’t tear your eyes from him.

“I like you very much,” he declares confidently.

Your mouth twitches as you try to suppress your smile, but it’s pointless. Your lips stretch until they hurt.

Seungcheol mimics your grin. “Do you like me?”

At one point, you would’ve profusely denied it. You’ve been pushing away those tempting thoughts for so long that you can’t do it anymore. There is something about Seungcheol that you can’t shake off.

It could be the way he always holds the door open for you. It could be that he always takes care of you—carrying you so you won’t hurt your feet, offering his home when you need it, holding your belongings so you have to lift as few fingers as possible. Or perhaps it could be the way he makes you feel like your head is in the clouds. 

You always thought you’d want a partner who you didn’t constantly argue with, but you found the light bantering between you two entertaining. Sure, it does get under your skin at times, but you never stay truly mad at him.

Seungcheol makes you feel special. He makes you feel wanted.

He makes you feel loved.

So, with the smile still etched on your face, you answer, “Yes. I like you.”

Seungcheol’s eyes go from quarter moons to waxing crescents. Small wrinkles form as his mouth widens to a gummy smile. The happiness on his face has your heart skipping.

“May I kiss you?” he asks, eyes hopeful.

You nod without hesitation. “Please.”

Seungcheol’s lips still have the same effect as before. It takes your breath away and makes you giddy.

He moves a hand to the back of your neck, pulling you closer until you are nearly on his lap. The position doesn’t offer you much balance since you’re trying not to knee him in the jewels.

You start to pull away when you feel your body slipping off the edge of the mattress.

“Wait, Cheol—” you try to warn, but it’s too late.

You tumble to the floor, dragging him with you.

You both land with a thump as you’re pulled from each other.

Seungcheol’s booming laugh echoes in his room, causing your own stomach to hurt from giggling.

“Are you okay?” he asks between breaths while sitting up. You stand from the floor, straightening out your clothes. He follows you up.

“Yeah,” you reply. “You?”

“I’m fine,” he reassures.

You jump when the dog outside barks at the noise. Seungcheol smiles at you and reaches out to give you a comforting pat.

“Relax, Cherry. Cho isn’t going to hurt you. He’s a big baby,” Seungcheol soothes.

“It didn’t look like one,” you huff, recalling the size of the animal.

Seungcheol guides you back to the bed.

“Do you have any more questions for me?” he asks, easing back into the somber conversation.

You pause as you think. When nothing comes up, you shake your head.

“Do you?” you offer.

“Three,” he answers.

You breathe slowly, preparing yourself for them. “Okay, what’s your first?”

“What else did Hajun tell you by the restroom?” he wonders.

“Oh,” you mumble, not expecting that. You go back to that memory in your head. “A-are you sure you want to know?”

Seungcheol's face grows serious, head nodding curtly.

“She said you left me because I was a slut. She told me you said I was the ‘worst fuck you’ve ever had,’ and she called me worthless,” you pause as Seungcheol’s jaw clenches and eyes narrow. If you weren’t talking about someone else, you would be worried to see such an intense stare. 

“She said you were trying to get rid of me, and the only way you could do that was to sleep with me… Since you know, I just need ‘something between my legs to be satisfied’.”

He’s quiet for a moment. Usually, it doesn’t bother you, but combined with his stare makes you shift uncomfortably.

“I didn’t say any of that. I hope you know that. She made that up,” he says, expression easing when he speaks to you. “I wasn’t even going to say anything, but she kept wondering why you weren’t around. I just told her we had a falling out, and that’s it.”

From the look in his eyes and the tone of his voice, you believe him.

“I believe you,” you voice aloud.

His once-tensed shoulders relax at your words. “I never wanted you to leave. I never wanted to hurt you. You’re not any of the names she called you.”

“Thanks,” you murmur. Although you’ve been trying to ignore Hajun’s words the past few days, you feel better knowing Seungcheol’s true feelings.

“I’m still sorry,” he says.

“I know. I forgive you,” you respond, hand resting on his thigh.

“You don’t have to. I know what I said was disgusting and rude.”

“It was,” you concur, “but I’m willing to forgive you because I don’t think you mean what you said.”

And now he won’t have those toxic people whispering lies in his ears.

“I don’t,” he repeats. “I think people are intimidated by your confidence. You know what you want, and you know your identity, while some people don’t. It scares them, so they take it out on you. They’re jealous of you.”

“It sounds like you're buttering my biscuits, Mr. Choi,” you hum as you listen to him analyze the people who dislike you.

“I’m just being honest,” he says, a slight frown on his lips.

“I appreciate it,” you reply more earnestly. You’re grateful he confirmed he didn’t think those negative thoughts about you. You feel you can circle around the topic for hours, so you ask for the second question.

“Do you like Jeonghan?” Seungcheol asks.

That takes you by surprise. “No, why do you ask?”

You almost laugh at the idea of dating Jeonghan, but you refrain from it. You don’t want Seungcheol to think his question is stupid even if it is.

“You two just seem close,” he says.

“I tolerate him more,” you explain. “I only like you. Now, next question.”

“Wait, I want to make sure you don’t like hi—Hmph!”

Your lips meet his to stop his sentence. He melts quickly against your mouth, a hand reaching out to your waist. You pull away before it can go any further.

“I would never kiss Jeonghan like that,” you smile.

Seungcheol grimaces at the image you put in his head. “That doesn’t mean you don’t like him.”

“So, I would like that fool, but not kiss him?” you wonder. “Okay. Then I like you, but we can’t kiss anymore.”

“What?” he asks, startled.

“If I can like Jeonghan and not kiss him, then I can like you and not kiss you.”

The corner of Seungcheol’s mouth pushes down. His lips purse slightly when he speaks, “Alright, I get it. I believe you. Kiss me.”

“No,” you say defiantly.

“If you like me, then you’ll kiss me,” he explains.

“But you just said—”

“I lied. You have to kiss the people you like,” he corrects quickly, leaning toward you.

“Is that so?” you ask, a mischievous smirk forming on your lips.

Not having a good feeling with the look on your face, Seungcheol sulks, “You only like me, so that means you can only kiss me.”

You smile at hearing his dragged-out words.

“Is that the rule?” you tease.

“Yes,” he huffs.

“Then I guess I can kiss you,” you say. However, you don’t move from your spot.

Seungcheol fusses, “Now, baby.”

“Oh,” you giggle. “Fine.”

You move in closer, smiling when he meets you halfway. The kiss doesn’t last long as you pull away to ask for his third question.

His tongue darts across his bottom lip as he stares at you. His gaze is solemn, and you mentally prepare yourself for what he has to ask.

“It hurt me to know I caused you pain,” he starts slowly. “I never wanted you to think I believed the rumors about you, but I guess they had an effect on me that I wasn’t conscious of. I regretted everything I told you that day the second it came from my mouth. I was so desperate to fix my mistakes that I didn’t take the moment to think.”

You watch him intently. Each word is taken in with great care, trying to push aside the initial feelings of anger and hurt to hear him objectively.

“I know I made a mistake by keeping them my friends for so long. I just wanted things to work out, and I wanted you all to see the good in each other. I know that sounds a little cliché, but it’s true… Maybe I just didn’t want to choose between you all,” he pauses to take a breath.

“Though, most of all, I wanted to know you more. Despite not having the best first impression, I realized quickly you weren’t what people made you out to be. Along the way, I started to see you as more than a friend, but I had trouble finding the right moment to see things through. Then I fucked it up, and I didn’t think I could fix it… but you’re here now. And we’ve talked things through.”

You nod to show you understand what he’s saying.

“So, where do we stand?” he finally asks.

“I’m sure we could go around each other for days, but I’m ready to move on. I was fully prepared to never talk to you again, but I couldn’t,” you stop gradually, not sure if you want to disclose your next thoughts.

“You couldn’t talk to me?” he asks, confused.

Sighing, “No. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Oh,” he replies, a small smile on his lips.

“Don’t get too happy now. They weren’t all good thoughts.”

“I know,” his smile faltering, “but there were some good ones?”

“Yeah… There were good ones too,” you reply softly.

Seungcheol takes your hands in his, shuffling closer.

“What were they about?” he ponders.

You squeeze his hands. “Your smile.”

At your answer, his lips begin to lift again.

“How you held me,” you continue.

Seungcheol takes that as an invitation to push you back against his pillows. You smile, raising your arms to wrap around his neck as he presses his body against yours. One of his hands snakes under your back while the other rests on the mattress so he doesn’t squish you completely.

“How you kissed me,” you whisper.

The man above you grins wider, pecking your lips tenderly. You chase his lips, and he grants you a lingering kiss before pulling away.

“And most importantly, how you made me feel.”

Seungcheol rubs your back gently. “And how did I make you feel?”

“Like I was yours,” you murmur as your face warms at the confession.

“Will you be mine? Officially?” he asks, gaze darting back and forth between your eyes.

You wonder if he can feel your racing heart against his chest.

“Yes,” you say. “Officially.”

He chuckles, pressing his mouth on yours as if to really make it official.

Your mouths move languidly. You can feel his hair fall around your face, tickling your cheeks. Smiling, you tuck the strands behind his ears and then keep your palms cupping his cheeks.

When you adjust a leg to wrap around his lower back, he moves the hand under you to rub your bare thigh—exposed by your skirt. His hand trails up and down your skin for a moment until it goes lower. He grabs your ass, massaging it over your panties. His lips slip from yours to kiss along your jawline until he finds your neck. You have no doubt that you’ll end up having to hide a purple mark later.

Both your clothes are off in a matter of seconds. Seungcheol’s hands move across your body, exploring each bump and crevice as if it’s his first time. However, you’re no different. You feel like you’ve touched every part of him, yet you still want more.

Your soft moans fill the room when he scatters kisses down your body before latching his mouth on your clit. His hair quickly becomes tangled as you grab it. Your hips roll against his face, chest rising and falling as you get closer to your high. 

His fingers accompany his mouth, pumping and scissoring in your wet hole. His raspy voice sounds sexy as he praises you when you come, but his moans are sexier. His eyes are hooded, drinking up everything you give him until you lax on his mattress.

You don’t even realize he put away your new red dress and slipped on a condom until a dip in the bed catches your attention. Your vision is coming back to you gradually. Seeing Seungcheol with messy hair and his lower face covered in your juices has you pouncing on him. 

His laughter rings out, grabbing your face and slotting his mouth against yours while you straddle him. You don’t care that you can taste yourself on his tongue. You just need him to fill you.

You slide your dripping folds along his thick length, making sure it’s coated so he can sink into you easily. And easy it is.

Both your sighs and strangled moans permeate his room. You stare down at him, mouth open as you move your hips. His brows meet; he’s trying to control his breathing. Each drag of his cock against your walls feels heavenly. Although the pace is similar to the first time, it feels different. There’s more meaning with every circle and rock of your hips. Maybe you’re making it up all in your head, but when Seungcheol pulls you down on top of him to hold you as he begins to thrust his hips up, you know you aren’t.

The way he kisses you tells you he feels the same.

There’s less desperation in his movements now. You don’t have to worry about this being the last time. You don’t have to worry about him hooking up with another person. He isn’t available to anyone anymore. He’s loyal. He’s kind.

He’s yours.

Your legs press against his sides, a loud cry tearing from your throat as he pushes you over the edge. Your walls flutter around his cock that’s still gliding inside you.

“Just for me,” he pants. “You’re just for me.”

You nod, spewing a variation of agreements as you cling to him. Your body rubs against his while he keeps thrusting up. Mewls fall from your mouth as you start to become overstimulated.

Seungcheol coos in your ear, telling you he’s close and that you’re a good girl for letting him use you for his pleasure. His hips stutter each time you clench your walls around him.

By the time Seungcheol pulls out, you are a moaning mess. He flips you over, pulls off the condom, then comes onto your stomach and breasts. You’re sure the sight arouses Seungcheol as he fixates on your body.

His fingers run through his seed, spreading it more across your skin. His tongue darts out against your breast. You watch as he trails the wet muscle along your skin, his cum gathering on it until it’s full. Before you understand what he’s doing, he brings his mouth to yours. You open your mouth, greedily drinking what he’s giving to you. You don’t even stop to think how filthy the act is.

Even though you can tell Seungcheol is spent, he still cleans you with a damp towel before snuggling back in bed. You both fall into slumber a few minutes after.

You wake to a sudden cold breeze.

Whining in your sleep, you roll over to snuggle closer to Seungcheol; however, you’re met with empty space. You peel your eyes open reluctantly, leaning up on an elbow to see where he is.

Seungcheol sits on the edge of the bed with a sweatshirt and sweatpants over his body.

You crawl closer until he’s in arm's reach.

“Where are you going?” you murmur as you snake your arms around his wide frame.

He jolts at your abrupt touch but quickly relaxes once he realizes it’s you. He places his arms over yours, craning his neck to see you.

He pecks your lips. “I have to go walk Cho.”

“Can’t it wait?” you ask.

“He,” Seungcheol corrects, to which you roll your eyes. “And unless you want to clean his pee or poop, then no.”

He carefully pulls your arms from around him and stands, leaving you shivering as the cold air hits your bare body.

Seungcheol pauses by the bed when his eyes see your naked torso.

“You do make it hard to leave, though,” he sighs.

You smile and put a hand out for him to grab. He does, and you instantly tug him back onto the bed.

You kiss him quickly, bringing his hands to your chest, covering them so he can’t move away.

“Stay,” you say between kisses.

“Baby,” he protests while squeezing your breasts. His lips purse every time you lean in for another kiss. You grin in hopes you’re convincing him.

“I have,” a kiss, “to go,” a second kiss, “walk the dog.”

You finally stop your torrent of smooches to pout at him.

He chuckles at your expression. “You’re welcome to join.”

“I rather not get mauled,” you scoff and try to pull him closer, but he resists you this time.

“Why are you scared of them?” he wonders.

“I got attacked by one as a kid, and they never are friendly to me.”

“My poor baby,” he coos as he brushes your cheek. “Don’t worry, Cho is really sweet. Why don’t you meet him? Let him sniff you and then I’ll go walk him quickly.”

You shake your head frantically. “I don’t want it—him anywhere near me.”

“I promise you’ll be fine, but I understand. Maybe another time, okay?” he replies. 

You nod and let your arms fall when he pushes off the bed.

“I’ll just be a few minutes,” he informs while walking to the door.

“Okay,” you mutter and pull the covers over your body. He smiles at you before pushing open the door. Your body freezes when you see black fur at the entrance.

“Hey, sweet boy,” Seungcheol greets the animal happily. He stops the dog from coming inside the room, giving him a few pats and ruffles of the fur before easing him backward. “No, she’s not ready to say hi yet. Come on, let’s go out. You wanna go for a walk?”

Your body relaxes at hearing Seungcheol’s light voice. You’ve never heard it before, and you realize there’s still more to learn about the man.

The door shuts softly. The last thing you see is the dog jumping excitedly as he runs out of view. You hear Seungcheol laugh.

It dawns on you that you don’t know when he got the animal. He definitely wasn’t here the last time you were here. Does this mean you’ll have to stop coming to his apartment now? He spoke highly of the dog, and you trusted Seungcheol to keep you safe, but animals can be unpredictable. Still, you can tell how much Seungcheol likes him.

As instructed, Seungcheol comes back ten minutes later.

“So, how much did you miss me?” he teases while raking a hand through his hair. He takes off his sweatshirt, giving your eyes something to stare at as he walks toward you.

You stop him when he begins to climb into the bed. “Wait.”

“Did something happen while I was gone?” he questions, playfulness replaced with concern.

“No, I just,” you breathe in slowly, “I’d like to meet your dog.”

His eyes grow. “There’s no pressure to do so.”

“I don’t want to be run off by your dog anytime I come here,” you grumble. “Just a quick sniff; that’s all he gets.”

Seungcheol laughs and raises a hand to rub circles against your back. “I forgot to tell you that Cho isn’t mine. My brother had an emergency and needed me to look after him for a few days.”

“Oh,” you hum.

“So, you want to come back here?” he asks, recalling that part of your sentence.

“If you want me here,” you bashfully answer.

He leans down to kiss your forehead, easing your nerves.

“You can come over whenever you want,” he offers. “I would prefer it actually.”

“Why?”

You expect a sweet response, but instead, he just smirks and says, “Because I need someone to clean the place.”

You scoff, smacking at his chest and rolling your eyes.

“Kidding, kidding,” he laughs. He grabs your hand when you go to hit him again. He tugs you closer for a playful kiss, nipping at your bottom lip. “Do you still want to meet Cho?”

“Are you sure he won’t bite off my hand?” you ask.

“I’m sure,” he replies confidently.

Hesitantly, you nod. “Okay then.”

Seungcheol smiles and leaves you with a kiss on the cheek. Like before, the dog greets Seungcheol as soon as the door opens. His tail is wagging, and his mouth is open as he breathes.

“Cherry wants to say hello,” he tells the dog, slowly guiding the animal closer to the bed. Your body is rigid, and you clutch the sheets to your chest. You just hope this isn’t going to be your end.

“Sit,” Seungcheol commands. You watch as Cho does so.

“Okay, hold out your hand, palm down. Yes, just like that. Breathe, baby, it’s okay,” Seungcheol instructs you softly. You glance away but quickly look back. Maybe you can pull your hand away quickly enough before he chomps.

The dog leans his head close, nose wiggling as he sniffs your hand. The few seconds it takes feels like half an hour. Suddenly, the dog’s tongue sticks out. The act coats your hand in slobber, and you screech as you tug your hand to your chest hastily, thinking he bit you.

“It’s okay, Cherry. You’re okay,” Seungcheol soothes you, sitting on the bed. He puts the dog between his legs as he rubs your arm softly. You pull your hand back, sighing with relief when you see it still intact.

“Cho just licked you,” Seungcheol explains.

“S-sorry,” you say, eyes searching for the dog. He sits staring up at Seungcheol with his tail wagging. The pet isn’t lunging at Seungcheol or nibbling off his flesh.

“It’s okay. You did good, baby,” Seungcheol praises, giving you a kiss on the cheek as a reward. “I’m going to take him out, okay?”

You place a hand on his arm. “Has he ever bit you?”

Seungcheol glances at Cho and shakes his head. He gives the pup a loving head rub. “He’s just a big baby. He’s well-behaved. He’s even good with kids.”

“Has he ever bit your brother?”

“I don’t believe so,” he replies.

You peer down at Cho once more. You’re still scared of him, but seeing how much he likes being around Seungcheol, you feel a little bad kicking him out again; especially, since he doesn’t have anybody out there to keep him company.

“H-he can stay if he doesn’t come close to me,” you say cautiously.

“He’ll be fine out, it’s okay,” Seungcheol reassures.

“I trust what you say about him. He seems… okay.”

Seungcheol grins, slowly letting the dog go before climbing into bed. “He is.”

The dog stands, shakes out his fur, and then does something that has you clutching onto Seungcheol. Cho jumps on the bed.

“Oh god, he’s going to eat me,” you cry. Seungcheol wraps an arm around your body, pulling you close. He rubs your arm tenderly.

“No, he’s not,” he laughs. You watch as the dog walks around himself once before plopping down. Luckily, he’s on Seungcheol’s side. Cho rests his head on the bed, watching you both. His tail wags a little, but not as much as before.

“He just wanted to sleep up here. Is that okay?” Seungcheol asks you.

“You let him up here?” you question, knowing some people don’t like their pets on their beds.

Seungcheol shrugs. “The covers are dirty anyway. Might as well let him have a comfy place to nap. Speaking of, do you want to stay the night?”

“That’d be nice,” you smile at him.

You reach for the purse you brought when you first ran from Cho. You tap on your phone to see it’s nearly four in the evening. You didn’t realize how long it’s been since you arrived at eleven.

“Unfortunately, I’m not the best cook, so we may have to do takeout,” Seungcheol says shyly.

You giggle, sending a quick message to your sister that you won’t be home tonight.

“I can cook,” you offer.

Seungcheol looks at you sadly, hand coming up to rub at his neck. “Actually, I only have ramen. I haven’t gotten groceries yet.”

“Oh. I like ramen,” you reply and put your phone down once Seoah replies. Your phone keeps buzzing as she tries to get more information from you, but you simply put the device on Do Not Disturb and place it back in your bag.

“I wanted to treat you to something better than ramen,” Seungcheol says. There’s a faint frown on his lips.

“I don’t mind,” you reassure. “Now, can we sleep a little longer?”

You carefully guide Seungcheol down until his back hits the mattress. After pulling the covers over the both of you, you snuggle against his body.

“I guess I don’t have a choice,” he chuckles as he lets you lay him down. He holds you close, eyes staring at the ceiling as he rubs your back.

“Hm.” You close your eyes, letting the gentle rise and fall of his chest hypnotize you.

“Baby?” Seungcheol asks. You’re on the verge of sleep, but you hum again to let him know you heard him.

“Will you go on a date with me?”

You smile, forcing your eyes open to peer at him. “Can I still wear the dress you got me?”

“You can wear whatever you want, Cherry.”

“Can I pick out an outfit for you, too?” you ask.

“While you have great fashion sense, I’m not sure—” he stops when you begin to plead with your eyes.

“Fuck,” he curses more to himself.

“Please, Cheol?” you ask, voice soft and lips pouting.

“You know I’ll eventually become immune to this, right?” he grumbles. 

The way he words it makes it seem like you’ll be around long enough for that possibility to occur. You nuzzle closer at the thought.  

“Maybe, but right now you’re not,” you smile wickedly. “What do you say?”

“Fine, alright,” he caves.

You lean up, giving him a big kiss as a thank you. He hums against your mouth. You feel his hands go south, but you quickly stop him.

“It’s sleepy time, not sexy time,” you scold light-heartedly when you pull away.

Seungcheol sighs dramatically but yields. “Hurry and sleep then.”

“You’re not going to run away, are you?” You narrow your eyes.

“Never,” Seungcheol smiles down at you.

Your gaze lingers on his eyes, quickly scanning his face. Finally, you let your mind wander freely. You let yourself indulge in how comfortable you feel around him. You don’t have to ignore those illusions you had produced, nor do you have to convince yourself that you only see him as a friend. You can fulfill those fantasies little by little. You don’t have to hide from your emotions. You already feel lighter at letting go of those conflicting thoughts.

Although Seungcheol jokes about keeping you around to clean, you wind up doing it without being asked. You suppose he knows you won’t be able to handle the clutter.

You’re picking up his discarded jeans when something flutters to the floor when you do so. You bend down to grab it.

It’s the receipt from earlier.

While Seungcheol is in the bathroom, you finally have the chance to examine it.

You notice the fabric store name, having only been there a few times since it isn’t local. Your eyes trail down to the item's name. Although it’s a shortened version of the name, you know what it is. 

That brat.

The sound of the bathroom door opening has your eyes snapping up and hand lowering to your side.

“Why did Jeonghan lie to me?” you ask him before he can take two full steps.

Seungcheol looks at you, head tilting and eyebrows knitting.

“What did he lie about?” he questions.

“He didn’t buy that fabric for me,” you scoff and hold out the receipt. “You did.”

Seungcheol’s gaze drops to the paper in your hand. He releases a small exhale.

“It’s not a big deal,” he replies.

“You always say that,” you huff. Your eyes fall back to the receipt, glancing at the price. That makes more sense as to how Jeonghan got it.

“Because it’s true,” he says. He moves to stand in front of you. He carefully takes the receipt from your hand. “I just wanted to give you something you wanted.”

“Why? How’d you even know?”

He folds the paper as he answers, “Dae mentioned it at dinner that one time and Jeonghan told me about it.”

“You didn’t answer the first part,” you call out.

He chuckles softly. “That’s because it should be obvious. It’s because I liked you… I still do.”

“You can like me without buying me expensive things,” you reason.

“I know,” he says. His eyes fall down to the sweater that you wear—it’s his. Your legs are bare and have ankle socks on. “But I still wanted to. So, deal with it, Cherry.”

He gives you a smile before walking away and into the living room. You follow, still weary of Cho and huddling against Seungcheol if he gets too close.

“Hey, wait, you didn’t tell me why Jeonghan lied to me.”

Seungcheol takes two glasses from a cabinet and then shuffles to the fridge. “I asked him to.”

“You? He didn’t steal it or something?” Although you know Jeonghan likes to con others, he isn’t one to steal. Yet, you still want to ask since the whole situation puzzles you.

He laughs, filling the cups with ice as he replies, “No, he’s not like that. I wanted you to have it before the show, but I knew you wouldn’t take it after our fight.”

“You let me think he got it for me,” you state; your lips begin to dip down as you ponder on the thought. 

You remember feeling so thankful to Jeonghan for getting it for you. There’s a pang of guilt knowing you were thanking the wrong person. You finally understand the look on Jeonghan’s face when he gifted it to you.

Seungcheol sets the glasses on the counter, grabbing your chin gently to make you look at him. His fingers are chilly, but they feel good against your warm skin.

“I’m just glad you used it, baby,” he says kindly. He lets go of your chin with a smile.

“Cheol,” you call, a hand reaching out for his bicep. He pauses in turning back to the fridge.

Once he is staring at you, you speak, “Thank you.”

“I’m sorry it wasn’t the blue you wanted. It was out of stock, and it would’ve taken too long to ship,” he explains.

You shake your head. “It was perfect. I liked the red more.”

Seungcheol smiles, though one side is lifted as if it’s a borderline smirk.

“I did too. Red looks good on you,” he compliments. One that takes you back to that cursed poetry lounge night. It was the first time he called you Cherry, and you called him Cheol. The first time you were alone with him for longer than fifteen minutes. The first time your body reacted in ways that went beyond the line of friendship.

“So I’ve been told,” you murmur.

“Have you?” he teases. “Whoever said that must be really smart.”

“Yeah, sure—” you begin, only to jump and knock into Seungcheol when Cho unexpectedly rubs his nose against your leg. 

Seungcheol’s laugh doesn’t drown out the sound of your thudding heart in your ears, but at least it offers some (annoying) comfort. Cho is going to take some getting used to.

previous chapter \\ pretty please masterpost // the end

A/N: Although the series is over, I would love to continue writing this couple in the future! Please look forward to some bonus scenes... Perhaps from Cheol's POV? My ask box is open for any questions or comments about this series! Thank you for reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭 omg *trying not to freak out that it's over* (also wattpad says this fic's read time is 6 hours and 11 minutes LOLOLOLOL... nice 😅 but if you're a slow reader like me, that time is prob way more haha. this being said, ty for ur time while reading!)

For my “shy/silent” readers, I’ve created a feedback form where you can share your thoughts on my fics in a more anonymous and private way. ^-^

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[atla-suki]

dunno whether you've talked about this before but like feelings on Katara saying "you didn't love her like I did" and then literally not apologising ever (and the implication that by now Sokka is used to it and doesn't believe he deserves better)

hellooo!!

i have LOTS of thoughts on that scene. the whole episode, actually.

i understand it was a zuko-centric moment of the series. i understand that it was meant to be an episode dedicated to katara and zuko and their connection/relationship (and lack thereof pre-southern raiders). BUT i just hate how sokka was thrown to the side.

the show starts with sokka and katara. above everything, it’s ALWAYS been sokka and katara. but we never actually get a lot of info on either of them pre-atla. we know they lost their mother young (and katara witnessed it), we know their father left (and it impacted sokka largely), we know sokka felt like he was supposed to be the ‘man’ of the village, we know katara washes sokka’s socks? see what i mean… there’s not much to work with. so when we DO get more info on a crucial part of their childhoods, why is it focused solely on katara?

it’s established very early on that kya’s death is significant to katara and that she hasn’t been able to move on even after all this time. it’s hinted that sokka is generally less caught up on his mother’s death than katara. it’s implied that this is because his father told him to be strong and be a man and protect katara/the tribe. BUT we get some insight into the impact of kya’s death on sokka in ‘The Runaway’ - (WHICH KATARA HEARD HIM SAY, BTW. makes her comment in ‘The Southern Raiders’ a little more harsh…) it’s all been said before that sokka grieves differently than katara and her “you didn’t love her the way i did” comment was outta pocket for that matter, etc etc wbk. i won’t cover that again.

the thing is, i actually DON’T have an issue with her comment in that scene. sure it’s insensitive and wrong, but i completely get it. she’s angry, she’s hurt, she’s confused as to why her own brother isn’t supporting her in a matter regarding their mother. she lashed out. i do it to my own sister all the time. but my issue lies with the fact that the writers didn’t do ANYTHING to address the scene later on.

a large part of atla is growth and healing (see: aang going from a goof to a fully realised avatar; zuko’s entire arc; sokka learning and growing out of his misogynistic beliefs, etc…) so it feels wrong to just leave sokka and katara’s argument (is it an argument? anyways yk The scene) hanging without proper closure. it didn’t even have to be a full apology scene if they didn’t wanna add it - katara could’ve just had a throwaway line like, “i have to go talk to sokka” or something simple like that. also quick side note WHY did aang rush up to katara on the dock at the end of the ep??? nothing that happened even concerns him. it shoulda been sokka.

ANYWAYS yeah an apology was definitely needed somewhere in the episode. or just like.. more sokka towards the end. idk about sokka but if MY sibling went to avenge our mother’s death i think i’d like to know the outcome of everything that happened, yk?

the show starts with sokka and katara. above everything, it’s ALWAYS been sokka and katara. but they seem to forget this during ‘The Southern Raiders’ for some reason. the episode is great, but it could’ve been stronger with more scenes between katara and sokka - ESPECIALLY if they included an apology scene.

also one more thing: i think it’s insane that sokka was supposedly getting laid while zuko was planning to help katara to hunt down their mother’s killer like how do u put these two scenes back-to-back wth-

anyways thx for the ask xoxo i don’t know if i even made a proper point here but have fun reading my spiel.

[toastedside]

In Health

Batmom!Reader x Batfamily

Warning: Angst, Angry Tim Drake

Note: I knoooooow it's been a while since I wrote this series and I actually have finished it a while ago. Just figure I want to share the rest. Enjoy!

Masterlist, Previous Chapter

You bit the inside of your cheeks, your eyes travelled constantly to the watch on your wrist. The iced coffee you ordered fifteen minutes ago already half gone. Metropolis was bright and sunny that day, the weather was warm and nice. A welcomed contrast to gloomy Gotham with its perpetual cloud.

The coffee shop Lois had told you about was buzzed with hungry patrons, considering it was almost lunchtime anyway. It was a breath of relief that nobody would recognize you on the first glance, something you had learned fairly quickly since Bruce had publicly claimed you years ago. If you went somewhere with shirts and jeans and nothing shiny, nobody would recognize you that you are Y/N Wayne.

You glanced into your watch again for the millionth time that day. Was the request to meet up too much for them? Were you too harsh on them back in the days? It’s unusual for–

“Hey, oh my god, we’re so sorry. Our meeting last longer than we expected.”

Lois suddenly came into frame. Behind her was a slightly disheveled Clark, eyeing her behind his glasses hesitantly. Something sank at the bottom of you stomach by the sight alone, perhaps you were indeed way too harsh on him.

“It’s alright, I didn’t wait that long anyway,” you mustered a white lie as you gestured them to take a seat across yours. “How’s Jon doing? I miss him coming over on the weekend.”

“He is fine. Clark and I bought him a video game console on his birthday and all he’s been doing was glued his eyes on the TV,” Lois rolled her eyes fondly at the topic of her own son, something you've been doing for years since you are a mother too. “How are the kids?”

“I figure Jon had been talking about his video games with Damian. He asked me if he could buy one just yesterday,” you laughed. “The kids are fine, per usual. Dick and Jason had been a little busy with their job, so they usually only come over on the weekend. Damian tried to woo me into adopt another pet again last week, Cass been practicing ballet a lot lately, and Tim... well... it’s been a little tough for him to fill Bruce’s shoes in the company but he’s doing well so far.”

There was a little shift in the air after you finished. Lois subtly adjusted her seat, silently sent a look towards her husband who looked a little too nervous to be comfortable. It would be funny to see Superman himself squirmed on his seat if the reason behind it didn’t left a bitter aftertaste.

“Lunch?” you swiftly opened the menu book to dissipate the growing tension and gently shoved it into Clark’s lap. “It’s on me.”

The lunch was surprisingly normal and calm, the thought of the dreading event was swept away underneath the nonexistent rug. Lois had been talking about the newest article she was writing about and Clark was obviously waltzed around carefully to not touching the superhero business, and you played your best to ignore it.

“Lois, Clark,” you started as everyone finally finished their lunch and the empty plates were taken away. “I am here to apologize for what I have done... three months ago. And what I might have said.”

There was silence hung in the air as Lois and Clark shared a look together. It was Lois who immediately reached for your hand and gently squeezed it. “Hon, you have nothing to apologize for. We understand, you were–”

“It was still rude and uncalled for, and my circumstance was a mere explanation. Especially to you, Clark,” you rolled your shoulders slightly to face Clark better, eyes fell into the balled fist on his lap. “You were only trying to explain, but I shut you out. I know you lost your best friend too that night and I am so sorry I didn’t try to reach you out sooner.”

“Y/N, it’s–”

“No, no, it’s not.” you breathed shakily. You had prepared your best for this inevitable conversation, but still unaware how painful it could be. “Bruce wouldn’t want me to act that way.”

Silence now had fallen completely and the air had shifted drastically. The only thing that grounded you from withering away and succumb into your own thought was Lois’s thumb gently stroking your wrist. Clark was stunned silent on his seat, the gears on his mind worked twice harder than it usually did in past three months. Nothing had prepared him for this conversation.

“Y/N, I forgive you. I already had long ago. I understand completely, and I would probably act worse if I were in your shoes,” Clark breathed out. All the tension in his shoulders that hinder him in the last forty-five minutes had dissipated into the thin air.

“Thank you,” you lifted your eyes to meet his. Sometimes you forgot how unnaturally blue his eyes were, cold and calculating, even though the corner of his eyes and the smile lines soften it out. It almost reminded you with Bruce. “Can you... can you tell me what happened that night? You were there with him, didn’t you?”

Lois and Clark shared another look, something told you that both knew what you didn’t. “Are you sure you want to hear this now?”

“I need my closure, Clark. And I’d love to know which son of a bitch that take my husband away.”

Clark told you everything in vivid details, the hairs on your shoulders stood in dread by the explanation alone. He talked about the League mission, the warehouse, and the explosion that had killed Bruce and suspected blown his body into unrecognizable tiny bits. By the time he was finished, you were close to tears, and was pleasantly surprised you didn’t weep your heart outs right away in a public place.

“One question,” you wiped the stubborn tears that started to well on your eyes. You mustered a silent thank you as Clark offered his handkerchief. “Was Red Robin there? Was Red Robin called for backup?”

“I can’t remember. What about him?”

You took a sharp breath, the image of Tim weeping on your lap and repeating his apology played inside your mind like a broken movie. “He obsessively investigating his death, saying it was his fault it happened in the first place.”

Lois tighten her grip on your hand and squeezed harder. It wasn’t a secret that your son was bad at letting go and coping with loss, but it had been a huge toll to knew he blamed himself for it. Clark sent you an apologetic look, and you were surprised that you didn’t dread the look.

“It wasn’t his fault. It was supposed to be an easy investigation, an in-and-out mission. Nobody could come prepared for the explosion,” Clark reassured you, although it was addressed more to Tim instead of you. “The machines...”

A sudden rang from Clark’s phone interrupted his words. He watched it rang briefly before let out a dreading, long sigh. “I’m so sorry, but I really need to take this.”

You smiled reassuringly. “Go on.”

Turns out, Lois and Clark had been called for another meeting and had to cut their meeting short. Lois had hugged you tight and drop a promise to come over by weekend for dinner. Clark left a lingering touch on your wrist, his eyes widen as if he had come into a realization he hadn’t before, but he left before he able to muster any single words.

The ride back to Gotham was long and tedious. The traffic had made the trip an hour and half longer than it was necessary, but the sunset at the horizon was a sight for sore eyes. The chance to catch a beautiful sunset was close to zero in Gotham, so you preserved the moment as much as you could. A little part of your soul wished Bruce could witness such sight with you.

You arrived right before dinnertime, the manor was surprisingly quiet, spared for some noises Alfred made in the kitchen as he prepared for dinner. One thing about Wayne household was silent wasn’t a good thing, and one should be suspicious if it happened.

“Where are the others? It’s eerily quiet.” your head popped up in the kitchen. “Alfred, it smells delicious. Are you making Shepherd’s pie again?”

“Miss Y/N, I would really appreciate it if you didn’t surprise me like that anymore,” Alfred deadpanned. “Yes, I am. How was your meeting?”

“It went well. I... I finally get the explanation I deserved,” you sat across the kitchen island, your bag fell into the floor as you did. “Thank you for convincing me into reaching out to him.”

Alfred pressed his lips together into a pleased smile. “You have found your closure, I assumed?”

“I don’t know about that, Alfred,” you admitted. “But it was great to finally know what happened and not left in the dark. Maybe it was a good step for me.”

“I believe so, Miss Y/N.”

“Are those teas for the kids?” you shifted the topic away into a tray full of teacups and biscuits. “Where are they?”

“All of them are cramped together in Batcave, I believe. Master Damian had asked me to brought them some teas.”

“Let me take it to them. You can continue bake your Shepherd’s Pie again.”

Alfred was hesitant, but he nodded away and shoved the tray into your embrace. It had been long overdue for you to step back into the Batcave anyway, figured this would be a great time for you to go back.

You forgot how much you hated the perpetual coldness the Batcave seemed to persistently have, no matter how many efforts everyone had put years ago into make this place warmer and comfortable. The sound of your children bickering with each other filled the cave and it made you smile, for all of its worth, you had always admired your children’s tendency to find things to argue about.

It was until the sound of fist slammed against the table that stopped you in your track and wiped away your smile.

“Stop it, Timbers, stop this fucking bullshit!” Jason’s voice roared, followed with the ear-ripping screeches of bats that had been awoken from their slumber by his roaring voice alone.

“I am telling you the truth!” Tim said heatedly, which was alarming. You quickly hid yourself in the shadows between the costume displays, finding yourself a better spot to watched your children without being known. “Why can’t you believe me?”

“Look at me in the eye and tell me that was not a fucking bullshit!”

“Tim, bud, come on. You need to stop. This isn’t healthy,” Dick’s concerned voice chimed in between the heated stares Jason and Tim exchanged. Your heart sank from that words alone, Tim must had investigating again. “You have us. We can get through this together. But not like this.”

“TT. Drake, you have started to creep me out,” Damian’s equally concerned voice, albeit masked with his usual scowl and sarcasm, piped in. “Also, you look like you hadn’t sleep since you were born.”

“Thanks for the flattery. But listen–”

“Stop it. Stop. Shut your mouth!” Jason yelled again. His finger intimidatingly pointed towards Tim, his eyes filled with rage and frustration. “Have you heard yourself talking?”

“Won’t you all give me a fucking minute to explain myself?” Tim stood from his chair; his fist crumpled together into a ball clenched on his side. It was such an eerie sight to see him so worked up like this. “Cass?”

You saw Cass silently shook her head. She sent Tim an apologetic smile as Tim groaned in frustration.

“Why none of you would just listen to me?”

“Tim, there is no way in hell Bruce is still alive!”

The roar that came from Dick was eerie, but it was his words that split your world into half. You didn’t realize the tray had slipped from your grasp until it clashed with cold floor, your gasp was masked with the loud clang of the tray hitting the floor and the sound of teacups shattered into pieces. All eyes followed towards the sound, and all were surprised to spot their mother was there.

You saw from the corner of your eyes that Dick walked towards you. His shoulders were tensed, his eyebrows furrowed together in frustration and anger. But your eyes fell on Tim whose eyes widen in horror upon realizing that your unknown presence was lurking all these times. You could mentally see the guilt that slowly seeped through his initial shock, the blue in his eyes waver slightly with the swirling guilt. You walked towards Tim, and from the look on his face alone, you wondered if you looked as if you were about to swallow him whole.

“Mom...” Tim croaked.

“Mom, it’s alright. It was nothing.”

“Ma, let’s go upstairs. It’s dinnertime, you never like it when we–”

“Tim.” The firmness on your voice effectively silence your two oldest sons out. Your hands gently placed on Tim’s shoulders as you shut your eyes and counted from one to ten. “Tell me everything.”

“W-what?”

“Tell me everything you know. Tell. Me. Everything.”

“Mom, I don’t think you should see it.”

“He was my husband, Tim. I deserve to know.”

Tim pressed his lips together, his eyes travelled up slowly before he let out a sigh. “Just tell me to stop when it gets too much.”

[bookofmirth]

ok so this might come off as a bit rambly so please bear with me lol

i've noticed that the acotar fandom has this incessant need to be right when it comes to canon and it really sucks out the funness of fandom. shipping is supposed to be fun but when it comes to this fandom, it's almost like a competition to see who will be more right when the books come out. engaging with theories/predictions about characters and the plot is supposed to be exciting but when it comes to this fandom, some of the theories/predictions are problematic at worst and nonsensical at best. like how can you say with your full chest that you're so confident about where the series is heading in the future because of this or that theory when you're stuck in the past and refuse to see what all of the text is telling you in the present. it doesn't make sense. the selective reading is so strong that it has me looking sideways sometimes lol

i guess my question is why do you think the fandom is so divided when it comes to ships right now? i've seen people say this wasn't the case for feysand and nessian, so what's the difference here?

Oh boy Brielle, I have some thoughts on this. It's complex.

To be clear, I am not saying that this applies to literally every single person who ships a certain way. This is a commentary on the fandom as a whole, and there are always exceptions.

This got really, really long, so I'm putting it under the cut.

I think that one of the main draws of this series, and of sjm's writing in general, is her ships. I think that people get very, very attached to their ships.

I also think that sjm does NOT fully think through some of the choices that she makes when writing. See: the way that she takes from all these different cultures and mashes them together, which could be seen as disrespectful of their origin. She has retconned things, like Mor being queer and Lucien being Helion's son. I think that she thoroughly thinks about some of the aspects of her books, like Rhys's reaction to sleeping with Feyre for the first time, but then really half-asses other aspects of her books, like Mor coming out.

Then, we have your good old misogyny and homophobia - people in the fandom don't like Mor because she hurt the poor bat boy's feelings when she didn't sleep with him, and they don't have a mating bond, but she's never really told Azriel "no", and so every single moment of pain that Azriel has felt in 500 years is Morrigan's fault. And Mor's experience as a closeted queer woman who feels unsafe around the people she should trust the most is completely disregarded by the fandom.

Finally, I think that a combination of these factors has created the monster we know as e*riel, and that the fandom is perpetuating its own mythology.

What all of this comes down to, and the real reason I think that the fandom is behaving this way right now, is that e*riel is dead. It's never happened, it's not going to happen, but because we don't have the clear closure we got with moriel (where people would be accused of homophobia for continuing to ship it), people are still trying to figure out any possible way for e*riel to become canon, though every single sign points to it being a non-issue.

This weird thing where people have to be "right" all the time, and the way that "right" = "canon" is a relatively new development. It's as if everyone in this fandom forgot that they are in fact in a fandom, which inherently diverges from canon.

However, I think that the need to cling to canon is because the alternative would be to admit defeat and say "well, even if it doesn't happen I will still ship e*riel, it's fine, I will live with that." But they don't want to do that. In response, they look at canon so hard that they are reading the white space between the letters to create their theories, which as you noted as largely nonsensical and often fail to take into account who the characters are as individuals, how they are connected to other characters, and why it would or wouldn't be appropriate for them to be involved in various plots.

People could say, as eluciens having been saying since day one, "I really ship this thing but I can see that it might not become canon". But they don't say that. They literally refuse to see any other possibility than e*riel becoming canon.

You pointed out that people are stuck in the past - absolutely. The number of reimaginings I have seen of scenes where either Azriel or Elain has literally zero to do with the scene, but people try to shove one or both of them in there. And this from books ago. People are stuck on the Truthteller scene, and refuse to acknowledge that neither of them have acted on their feelings, whatever those might be, for years. And they ignore the fact that once Elain and Az do act, it goes horribly wrong.

Here are the facts as of right now:

ACOSF is the most recent book. In that book, sans extra chapter, those two had no interaction other than looking at one another.

If we include his POV, then he said it was wrong, we got confirmation that nothing has ever happened between them, she returned his necklace. Elain was aroused, but that does not mean she was ready to even have sex. "Yes" to a kiss is not "yes" to every single sexual act Az can think of. They parted on awkward, bad terms after a scene in which it seemed like they were about to start something. Yikes. Unlike Wings and Embers, they did not end that chapter still thinking of one another. After they part ways, the omniscient narrator does not mention Elain, or Az thinking about Elain, again.

His POV occurs months before the end of the book. They do not interact after that.

Elain has a mate she has not rejected, nor accepted.

So anyway, your question was why are people like this. lol. I think the fandom created a monster, and that monster is clinging to life. It can't accept the idea of morphing into a non-canon ship, though it never was canon in the first place. It had just convinced itself that it was.

There are other aspects to this, that have to do with gwynriel and elucien.

Gwynriel is a new ship, it's almost guaranteed to happen, people are super excited to ship it and give Gwyn all their love. I'm sure they would rather create content for that ship than argue about whether or not it's going to be canon, but they are in constant defense mode. Some people honestly didn't like e*riel before because they don't like Elain, or because they don't like Azriel, and those are valid reasons for not liking it. Why people ship gwynriel doesn't matter. The tone of the discussion is, unfortunately, being shaped elsewhere, which I will mention below.

Elucien is an old ship, older than e*riel. I can speak from this perspective - personally, I have been holding my tongue for 4.5 years. I have been letting people live, and just talking about the things I like. Then when acosf came out, it was like I could finally say all the things I had been thinking about Azriel, because I now had proof that the things I thought about his character (and because of that, about e*riel) now had solid canon foundation. This is 4.5 years of me holding in a lot of shit and finally being able to say it. Sometimes yes, I might take joy in having been right.

I think that a few people are clinging to canon, and that sets the tone for the discourse in the fandom. Someone says "according to page whatever, blah blah blah" and people feel the need to respond, and then it turns into and "I'm right" contest instead of... a fandom... A lot of us like debating. To me, it's fun. But when Person A starts a conversation that's about canon and it actually ignores canon, it's hard to let that conversation go by and just keep creating whatever we want to create. Instead, we respond, and so the tone of the conversation is shaped by what Person A decided to say.

I also think that there is a lack of distinction between theories (what will happen in the future) and meta (analysis of what we have now).

There is also a lack of "I" statements. Opinions are being stated as fact.

idk if there is a way to make it better, other than to just go back to ignoring one another. This whole situation makes me want to throw out every single canon ship I like and create exclusively non-canon content, just for spite. Except I really like doing meta, and so I don't want to. I guess for my point, I'll just keep doing meta, keep creating different content, and keep reminding people that they aren't here to continue perpetuating canon, but to play with it.

[tickldpnk8]

You have somehow peered into my mind, taken all of my bullet points, and wrote a meta about this that is far more poignant and well-written than the one I would have written.

On Tragedies

One thing about any tragedy that I think can be said is that they resonate with their audience on such a visceral level: you know it will hurt, you get to the end and you think “but if only!…” and it replays and reply’s and replays. At least if it’s done well and if you are the right audience. We want Juliet to wake up just a bit sooner. We want Oedipus to know his origin so he avoids his fate. And we want Morpheus to find Daniel in time and expel The Kindly Ones.

What I find so compelling about The Sandman is the ambiguous ending. We go through all of the stages of a classic tragedy: fatal flaw leading to downfall (orchestrated or not) through to the catharsis we get within the events of The Wake. It’s beautiful and poignant and I sobbed about a box full of tissues. But at the end of it all, you’re still left wondering. The window is open just enough of a crack that you as the reader and as the Reader, a character in the book itself, can take away a meaning even more personal to you. (As opposed to Hamlet, where a bunch of folks are just dead for good and the audience knows it for certain.)

And yet, regardless how you interpret the ambiguity of the ending, the message these characters are telling us is Not what actually happened. You’re not supposed to walk away and say “Morpheus was right: the answer to my problems is suicide.” Or because the suggestion of suicide, although there, isn’t explicit “making work your entire personality is the best way to go”. We’re supposed to learn from his flaws and his downfall and do better in our own life. A tragedy is a cautionary tale.

On Morpheus

I love the parallels you’re drawing about Morpheus and the humanity he ultimately assumes (and how they are pushing that message differently between the comics and the show).

I wrote about this a bit when rereading Seasons of Mists. I go into it in more depth in that other post, but the TL:DR to my hypothesis is that Dream tends to gather names to himself, feels the pull of responsibility those names imbue and simultaneously denies himself the attributes of those names.

What I didn’t cover there is how that plays out across the entire arc. So let’s take humanity/personhood as the example here to go along with your points above. Some of the names/titles that highlight his humanity might be “friend” from Hob, “father” to Orpheus, or even just “person”. And then the weight of those responsibilities (checking in on Hob so he doesn’t think Morpheus abandoned him, owing Orpheus the closure/end he had been denied) are what he does at great cost to himself.

And the whole arc of the series is about him discovering that while he used to deny himself personhood, (the ability to feel his own emotions about all of it) he ultimately can’t in the end. It’s really beautifully done. And I think that’s part of why what was once endless and immortal ends up embracing mortality. Because part of the responsibility of personhood and being human is owning the repercussions of your actions. And, as you said, the fleeting nature of mortality.

Morpheus couldn’t do anything else but embrace that mortality in the end. His sense of responsibility wouldn’t let him. And of course, him being who he is, he would embrace even Death in the most responsible of ways: by ensuring that Dream and the Dreaming (and reality) live on.

To Be Human Means to Die (Even for Morpheus)

I know one of the biggest points of contention in the Sandman fandom (especially between show-only and graphic novel fans) is the end:

On the regular, we all hear the wish that the ending should have been more hopeful, that Morpheus dying is soul-crushing and devastating and sends the wrong message. And while I agree that it is incredibly sad upon first read (I actually cried my eyes out many moons ago when I first read World’s End, because that’s when I knew, without a doubt, what was going to happen), I would like to expand a bit on why I think we are actually getting the most hopeful message of them all…

It’s a Tragedy: Yes, but That’s Also Simplifying It

Let me briefly talk about tragedies first, because many people, myself included, often bring up the purpose of a tragedy first when we are talking about why realistically, there can be no other ending to The Sandman than the one we already have. That purpose is that we, as the audience/reader, are supposed to do better, and that we are supposed to learn from our hero’s fatal flaw(s).

And while all of this is true, it is also too simple.

Yes, Morpheus has fatal flaws, his inherent rigidity being the most prominent of them (on that rigidity, everything else hinges: his occasional cruelty, his sense of responsibility even if it destroys him, his inability to hold down relationships because he won’t communicate and compromise…).

But it would be too easy to say: “This is what we are supposed to learn from it, let’s not do that and instead be capable of change. Lesson learned, the end”.

For me, the most important personal truth of The Sandman goes far beyond that, and it is connected to the through-line:

Gods Can Die and Humans Can Be Immortal

When we first meet Morpheus, he is Endless in the truest sense of the word—although captured, it is very clear that he is not mortal, not human, and one step further: That he also doesn’t always understand what it means to be human. We get to know him as aloof, arrogant, proud, often devoid of empathy, and even cruel. And we all know that this changes throughout his arc. That the being who always asserted he is incapable of change finally has to admit, to himself and others, that he has changed, most poignantly in The Kindly Ones (e.g. when he tells Nuala that he lied to Ishtar when he denied he had changed).

And that change was initially a slow one--perhaps that is why he denied it for so long. But by the time we arrive at the end of Brief Lives, his change and, yes, his humanity, are already so clear to the reader that most of us probably went: “You really are slow on the uptake sometimes.”

Even Frank McConnell writes in his intro to The Kindly Ones: “And with [killing Orpheus], Dream has entered time, choice, guilt and regret—has entered the sphere of the human.” And Nuala is right when she asks him: “You want them to punish you, don’t you? You want them to punish you for Orpheus’ death.” Guilt, regret, and a choice. And his reply is silence, and it’s deafening.

On Becoming Human

By the end of The Kindly Ones, Morpheus basically is human in (maybe even more than) the metaphorical sense: He feels like a human, and even his body (or at least his relationship to his body) has changed. The most important indication for the latter is when we put in contrast that the Corinthian stabbing him in Collectors doesn’t draw a single drop of blood, but the scorpion whip of the Fates in The Kindly Ones does, and that scar remains. We can of course argue about who can hurt him and who can’t, but in either case, we see a Morpheus now who is more flesh and blood than he has ever been, and he feels a sense of mortality not only mentally/emotionally, but also physically.

(I have to throw in here that the change they made in the show at this point greatly confused me, and I think it is significant, as are a lot of other changes that have been made. And I personally hope they only use them to hint at a more human side to him from the outset to make us relate more, but not as a change to the whole arc. I will admit that I would have preferred if he didn’t bleed at this point because to me, it would have had more impact when we finally do see him bleed at the end. And we got foreshadowing for the scar in the show, when the earthquakes crack one of the windows and he looks through it for the second time. Yeah, I’m really that obsessive when I rewatch it, it’s embarrassing).

To Be Human Means to Die

And before we all collectively go into our evolutionarily ingrained wish to pretend that’s not true (because most of us fear death):

It is our mortality that gives our lives meaning. Without an end, life has no meaning bar feeling empty responsibility (or endless hedonism that gets boring at some point). And after 10 billion years, maybe the burden of that responsibility simply becomes too heavy (“But even the freedom of the Dreaming can be a cage, of a kind, my sister,” he says to Death in #69. And that he is “very tired”). It can’t make up for what truly makes our lives worth living:

The Impermanence of it.

Destruction got it right when he said that the illusion of permanence basically depends on our vantage point. That we can pretend if we so wish, and that there is comfort to be found in that, but that things simply don’t last. And that the Endless are truly no exception to that rule (“…even our existences are brief and bounded. None of us will last longer than this version of the universe.”)

And yet, we look at Morpheus choosing death and think: ”But that’s it then, he can't go back on that, but he deserved happiness because he has changed, he deserved (insert preference/head-canon of choice) and will never get a chance to have it now.”

And I get it. Psychologically speaking, we often fight the idea of death tooth and nail. We fear our own, and we have to deal with the loss of loved ones. So the denial is real—it’s not one of the stages of grief for nothing. But staying in that stage of denial is stagnation—the very antithesis of change. Death and change are linked—in the Sandman, they are not truly presented as alternatives, even if we might think so. They are two sides to the same coin. Death says to her mortal form in The High Cost of Living that the fact that life ends is what gives it meaning. That’s why it always ends. And that message has already been given to us in The Wake: “(Death) gives you peace. She gives you meaning. And she bids her brother goodbye.”

It’s Not Just About Dying, It’s Also About Coping With Grief

It tells us something about our own mortality, but also about mourning our loved ones. That’s why The Sandman doesn’t end with Morpheus’ death/The Kindly Ones, but we get a whole story arc after he is gone/The Wake. Because mortality isn’t just about us. It is also about the ones we love, the ones we need to let go while keeping on living, but we also hold on to them in certain ways (“humans can be immortal” because we make them so). All the mourners are us, and in the case of grieving Morpheus, many of us are probably a bit like Matthew:

In the throes of grief, we don’t care that there might be someone else who might even be more kind and loving (poor Daniel)—we don’t want a “replacement”, we want back what we have lost. And we are not ready to move on, until we somehow are/do. And that path is painful and long, as everyone who ever lost a loved one will be able to attest to. The pain never truly goes away, but it changes, from something so raw and painful that it knocks the air out of your lungs, to something that shows up here and there unexpectedly, still painful, but a little less so. Until it only hurts around the edges of memories that make us smile, miss and love someone, all at once. That love is permanent, even if life is not. It doesn’t really die with us either, because we can pass it on.

And it is somewhat fitting that the idea of “to be human means to die”, and that death is what gives life meaning, also extends to storytelling:

Without an end, a story has no true meaning. Our lives are stories, and every story has a beginning, a middle and an end. Morpheus’ story is meaningful because it has an end (I already wrote about this before in “Why the order of the last three issues of The Sandman matters” and have attached a long reblog chain)—not because it plods on endlessly (no pun intended). And that end is exactly what makes it last, what makes people feel, reflect, understand, learn, pass it on.

We, a whole fandom. continuously talk about how upset we are that he died, what we learned from it, what we would do differently (be that in our own lives or in a retelling of the story), and I’ll just leave it at that, because it drives the message home so much more than any further exploration could….

[mk-wizard]

Big Hero 6 The Series: It could have been better

Hello, friends. Today, I will be analyzing a TV series based on a movie that I fell in love with for its colourful themes, deep plot, compelling characters, great CGI and memorable messages. Before I get into it, I want to take a moment to say that I have quit doing videos. They are too big of a pain in the petunia to make and I write better than I speak, so I will stick to writing essays, reviews and more. Anyway, onto the analysis.

All I can say about Big Hero 6 the series is that it had a great concept, it presented some great ideas and tried hard to be a cartoon of the times, but it could have and should have been a lot better. The show’s downfall all centers around trying too hard to be kid friendly which makes the shame sting all the more because Big Hero 6 was already kid friendly even with its dark themes, sharp edges and intelligent writing. If anything, even the brightest kid friendly cartoons (Steven Universe, She-Ra, etc.) had those things and actually benefitted from them. By needlessly trying too hard, character development got scrapped, the edges were all smoothed out, storytelling was subpar, the humour was too silly and the executive meddling in the end produced a dismal final season. However, I don’t want this analysis to be one lengthy negative rant about how awful the series was because in its defense, awful is an unfair word. It did have potential and ideas which are worth carrying over to a reboot that I hope will be done someday in the future. Also, we should root for a reboot because Big Hero 6 would not be the first story that needs it before striking gold. Just look at how many times Spider-Man was rebooted in film before MCU found the version that worked. Anyway, I will list all the things in Big Hero 6 that could have been better in my opinion;

1- Go easy on the laughs and be more generous with the action. - I love adding comedy to my own writing because I think a good sense of humour makes everything better, but Big Hero 6 is not a stand up comedy routine. It is a superhero story where we expect action, suspense and life or death situations that are to be taken seriously first. The comedy should be for relief and with the right timing. Also, the chibi cutscenes and having characters act like fools aren’t funny. Ren and Stimpy are the exception not the standard and their way of making you laugh doesn’t fit an action series. In a show as big as Big Hero 6, real life physics and danger matters.

2- Make the villains menacing and gritty. - I admit that after having a movie villain like Yokai who was the stuff of nightmares, it is going to be a challenging act to follow, but it was obvious that the writers were trying especially with some villains who could have easily gone into some dark relatable territory. For example, Mr. Sparkles (the gentleman in the photo above) embodies social media and Internet personalities. Right off the bat, you have a long list of things which embody the dark side of that like scams, fraud, using social media to dox or harass, driving people to suicide, online predators, the Internet personalities being very depressed people in real life, and much more horrifying things. When you stop and look at it, Mr. Sparkles even looks like the Joker which hints how dark and scary he could have been if the stops were removed. The same goes for enemies like Hardlight who embodies online gaming, Liv with cloning, Obake an amoral and insane scientist, and Trina and Noodle Burger Boy (more on him later) being evil robots. Globby especially should have been painted and written in much darker colours rather being played off for laughs because he has many parallels with Clay Face. The only two villains who I can say were supposed to be campy, charming and comical were Baron Von Steamer and Supersonic Sue because they were a satire of the Adam West style villains.

The rest of them needed to be dark and threatening including Mr. Sparkles. In fact, I would love a rebooted version of Mr. Sparkles who gives me the heebie-jeebies. Going back to Noodle Burger Boy, I must confess that I was actually excited when I heard that he was going to be the main villain of the final season because I thought he was going to fulfill his master’s final wish and as a reminder, Noodle Burger Boy was based on a super robot for military purposes.

It would have been fantastic if Noodle Burger Boy was upgraded into a full military war machine with a new threatening look. For that, I think all of the villains deserve to be rebooted and have their full potential unlocked for better or for worse.

3- A show about geniuses merits genius level art quality. - I am usually forgiving towards art styles, but in the case of Big Hero 6, the oversimplified style with minimal details and lack of textures did not suit the show. The characters blend in with the background which makes them look flat and the special effects were extremely dulled down. I also know for a fact that Disney can do a lot better than this because I saw how superbly Tangled the Series was drawn.

You can see and almost feel the difference in quality, the number of layers and level of detail between the two styles. I think there was no excuse Big Hero 6 was not done in the same style and at the same level if not better as Tangled.

3- Don’t dumb down or flanderize amazing characters. - I absolutely detest it when characters are flanderized because it makes them one dimensional and grating. For example, Go Go is tough as nails and extremely calm, but she is not cold or hesitant towards helping her friends. She doesn’t require very special episodes for us to know that. If anything, the movie version of Go Go reminded me a lot of Garnet in how she deconstructed the broody character. She isn’t cold or emotionless. Just calm and mature. Another good example was how Honey Lemon was rewritten to be overly positive to the point of toxicity, naïve and oblivious with a juvenile obsession with stickers. Then you have poor Fred who was rewritten to be an incompetent fool. The spark that makes Big Hero 6 shine is that they are a team of geniuses meaning they are all intelligent. Even Fred is genius in his own way just not a scientific one. He has a vivid imagination, he is resourceful and can get himself out of tight spots. Please, don’t turn characters into dummies especially if their intelligence is a part of them. It doesn’t make them better or funnier. It ruins them.

4- Tadashi needs closure and honour. - I am all for Hiro making peace with the loss of his brother, but Tadashi is to the Big Hero 6 team what Uncle Ben was to Spider-Man. His loss was the catalyst if not the reason. He should never be forgotten. Moreover, there was never any true closure to him especially with the possibility that he may still be alive up in the air. After all, like Callaghan, his body was never found and it turned out that Callaghan was still alive.

With that said, who is to say that Tadashi was not secretly still alive and just hiding or being hidden? This is something that Disney really needed to clear up if not for the fans, then at least as a service to such an important character. Never just forget about them.

5- The format can only be episodic with a deep plots, continuity and character development. - Random episodes with a mere monster of the day is an outdated format which doesn’t fit Big Hero 6′s modern and bright setting. In seasons 1 and 2, when the episodes were plot heavy with character development, the series shined brightest. It also helped move the story along, but with the final season, plot was removed, closure was abandoned or poorly written if any was given, and characters were disallowed from growing. A good example at how plot and character development could have made this series and its characters better was the relationship between Hiro and Megan. Would it have truly survived or would they have broken up?

Would Richardson Mole have eventually lost interest in his obsession with besting and bullying Fred or would his obsession consume him compelling him to become a super villain? I do see quite a few similarities between Mole and Reverse Flash.

Then you have Karmi who is in my opinion, the biggest wild card of the bunch. She was intentionally introduced as an arrogant, prickly and unlikable yet complex character who rivaled Hiro bitterly.

Yet had a huge crush on his alter ego and as time went on, started to grow up and even form a friendship with Hiro. What would have happened further down the road with her? Would she have become a super hero herself? Or maybe even another love interest for Hiro kind of like how Black Cat is for Spider-Man?

Is Obake really gone?

What does the future hold Diana (Liv’s clone), Liv herself or the Sycorax the genetics company?

Is Alistair Krei going to become an ally to Big Hero 6 or an antagonist? There is also the issue at how little we know about the other Big Hero 6 characters other than Fred, Hiro and Baymax. What are Honey Lemon, Wasabi and Go Go’s backstories? These questions matter and while not every mystery can be solved, leaving none of them solved is lazy writing.

6- Executives, kindly stay out of the writing and any other part of the creative process. - I’m sorry, execs, but there is no nice way to say it. History itself proves that every time executives got involved in the creative process of any media, it got worse not better. Leave the writing to the creative team and the execs should only handle the legal stuff. Please. We understand that TV is a business, but writing itself is not. It is an art which you just don’t have a talent for. Let the creative people do their thing with the freedom necessary and you do your thing, deal? Deal.

7- Focus on Hiro and Baymax. - The are the main characters so keep them at the heart of the series no matter what happens around them. That is all I can say.

And that sums up all the things that could have made Big Hero 6 the series better, but this is all just my opinion. What is yours?

PS: I am well aware that the Big Hero 6 series is being retconned because a new series called Baymax is in the works as well as the long awaited sequel to the first movie. I am looking forward to both with an open mind. PPS: I also am aware that some people liked this show the way it was including the art style and I am cool with that. An analysis for art that includes cartoons is never right or wrong. It is solely based on opinion. I may have thought this series could have been better, but there are people who make arguments that it could have been worse.

[thesnadger]

thoughts on the WO finale re chapman/antigone? personally i wish antigone had gotten a bit more resolution that wasn’t chapman centric but i suppose at this point i should just be grateful there weren’t any dramatic love confessions. Tbqh in general i wish the whole last season was less chapman-centric.

Eh, partial credit, I can live with this.

If the choice was mine I'd have put them unambiguously in "the feeling was called friendship, but neither of them had ever experienced it before" territory. But if it isn't going to be that, this is fine.

They didn't do what I was worried about. Specifically, they didn't have Antigone full on return his feelings or jump at the idea, which would have really undermined "Antigone in the Spotlight." They didn't make Antigone the reason for Chapman to stay, and they didn't make it the main point for either character. They also didn't end on a note of "oh they'll definitely get together, don't you worry." It's open enough that you can imagine whatever you want, either way it's not the point.

(Honestly, two characters like Antigone and Chapman getting paired up in the end of a story is usually such a drearily inevitable conclusion that I'll take this half measure as a win.)

And I actually think that Antigone's arc is decently wrapped up with or without Chapman! Her progress over the course of the series has honestly been pretty great.

She went from never leaving the mortuary and most of the town thinking she was dead to being a fixture in the town. She went from having to fight Rudyard for a partnership in the funeral home in S2 to doing most of the running of it. She has hobbies and interests and friends that aren't connected to her brother or to Funn Funerals. (Her and Reverend Wavering writing a book together remains one of my favorite subplots and I'm so glad they're going to collaborate again.)

I think episodes like "Antigone in the Spotlight" and "In the Buff" were the key ones to give her character closure, and the finale only really needed to tie a bow on that progress (which it basically did with the scene of her and Rudyard talking about the business and their own hobbies and interests.)

If I could have changed one major thing about Antigone's overall arc (besides making her and Chapman explicitly platonic) I'd have really liked an episode where the A plot was "Antigone and Georgie get into a misadventure together."

We see lots of Georgie and Rudyard, and lots of Rudyard and Antigone, I'd have really liked more of Antigone and Georgie's dynamic. Generally, when the two of them do something together the real focus is on Rudyard and what he's doing/thinking in contrast to them (i.e., "The Big Cheese," "The Trial of Rudyard," probably others but those come to mind first.) That's probably the biggest thing missing for me from both Antigone and Georgie's stories. But that would have been something to do before the finale anyway, I wouldn't expect or want it to be shoved in at the end.

[dixon-angel]

Choices {Daryl Dixon} Prologue

Summary: Earning Daryl Dixon’s trust for the most part was harder than surviving the end of the world. For you, though, all it took was one trip gone wrong into Atlanta. Safety is never guaranteed.

T/W: this series follows the story of TWD (the show, not the comic) and will contain: strong language, violence, depictions of gore, depictions of vore, major character death, spoilers (if you haven’t seen the show before), sexual themes, drug use, heavy themes (will be trigger warnings for those scenes). Read at your own risk, I am not responsible if any content upsets you, you have been warned.

There was a low, somber air around the farm. It had been quiet for the most part of the week. Most had been snappy, and Carol… well, it was easy to imagine how a grieving mother was to be. Especially given the circumstances.

Daryl Dixon, it seemed, though, was highly affected by what had happened. He had fought with Shane over looking for Sophia and had spent so long tracking the forest - hell he’d even almost killed himself with his own damn arrow looking for her. He had hope. He had given Carol hope. Yet… she had been in the barn the entire time, locked up like cattle. She had been in there. She had been a walker for god knows how long and… Daryl had been looking for her.

There were footsteps, but Daryl sat still. He didn’t care for people. He hadn’t ever since Carol had pushed her way out of his arms and stormed back to the farmhouse. It was soul-crushing finding Sophia there. It truly was. Daryl felt defeated.

“Hey…”

Usually, that voice would bring him so much comfort but Daryl would not look over, not even when he felt you plonk down beside him.

“Daryl, look… about Sophia…” you were slow with your words, quiet. You didn’t want him to explode on you. You knew that out of everyone, you were the least likely to get any aggression from the younger Dixon brother, yet you couldn’t help but be cautious around him.

The sun was setting nicely, an amber glow falling amongst the trees. There was a chill in the air but neither of you minded. It was kind of nice compared to the blistering heat that had been present earlier in the day.

You took in a breath. It wasn’t easy to talk to Daryl when he was upset, but he had blown up on just about everyone lately and you had kept your distance. But you didn’t want to anymore. You knew why he was acting out and… you didn’t want him to push everyone away from himself.

“...Daryl,” you began with a sigh, “what happened to Sophia wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault….”

Daryl didn’t answer. He didn’t even acknowledge your words. He was starting absentmindedly towards the farmhouse.

“I know you blame yourself, you think you could have done more for her but… Daryl, she was in the barn. She was bitten a long time ago…”

“That doesn’t help.” He replied gruffly. At least he wasn’t screaming at you.

“I know…” you sigh again, stretching your legs out in front and placing your hands on your lap, “but… she was only twelve, Daryl… I hate to say it but Shane was kinda right, she didn’t stand a chance.” You scoffed. Daryl made a grunt in response, “She was only a kid… in a sad kinda way, death was probably a good thing for her. She was growing up in a world full of death and decay. Death was a kind outcome for Sophia.”

“...try tellin’ Carol that…”

“... yeah, maybe we keep that between us, huh?” You knocked your shoulder against his.

It went quiet for another moment. You took the pause to think about what you were going to say next.

“This ain't a world for kids to be growing up in Daryl, you know that, right?”

“Yeah..” Daryl scoffed.

“I mean… I know I sure as hell don’t wanna bring kids up like this.”

“... so that’s it, huh? All we do is bump uglies?”

“Daryl…” you sighed, “that’s not what I meant.”

“No, go on and say it, cause I thought-“

“Daryl,” you cut him off, “I don’t wanna raise a kid in this world. Look at how much it changed Carl. If, and when, I have kids, I wanna… I wanna be able to bring them up in some sort of stability. I wanna be able to let them learn how to ride a bike in the middle of the street, or to play kerby for hours on end, I want my kids to have a childhood, not what Sophia or Carl have to endure.”

It was Daryl’s turn to sigh. He plucked up the courage to finally look over at you. Your side-profile was blooming with the golden hue from the sunset. It cast a kind of angelic look across your face. You weren’t looking at him, not even with your eyes. Daryl’s gaze lingered only for a moment before he turned his head.

You were right. Sophia’s death was a tragedy. It shouldn’t have happened but… this was no world for a kid to be living in.

“So, what, you wanna build up some kinda civilisation? You wanna rebuild humanity?”

“I guess…” you chuckled lightly. You knew how crazy it sounded, “you think I’m hoping for too much?” You looked over at Daryl and for a moment, your eyes met.

“Girl, I think you’re batshit crazy. You’re hopin’ for something’ way outta your zone. Try hopin’ for a rabbit for dinner.” He was joking, but the seriousness in his voice would throw someone less familiar with him off.

“Yeah… I guess I am hoping for too much. But you gotta have hope, right?”

“Yeah… it drives ya forward… gives ya something - anything - to cling on to… I… I hoped Sophia was alive… not just for my sake, or for Carol, but for everyone… cause if that little girl could outsmart all the geeks in the woods, we mighta stood a chance.”

You looked over at Daryl. He was staring at the ground. He was blinking a little too often and you knew that if you were looking at him head-on, you’d find tears in his eyes. Rick, Shane, Lori, Dale, everyone else, they didn’t see Daryl for who he truly was. He was a very broken man, but you saw beneath his hardened shell. It hadn’t been easy breaking him down, it had taken you since the start of the outbreak to get this far.

Daryl was a good man. People never even tried to see the good in him, though. They saw a hot-headed redneck and… well, they didn’t want to look after that. You saw him, though. You saw Daryl and he saw you, too.

“I kinda blame your old man for all this.” Daryl broke the silence, “he should not have left her alone.”

“... I kinda blame him, too.” You agreed, “but he didn’t have any other choice. If he did, I know he would not have left her like that. I’m sure he feels guilty enough without us pointing fingers.”

“I suppose…” Daryl took a breath, “what took ya so long to come see me, anyway?”

“I don’t know, maybe the fact you’ve been kinda rude to everyone else? I didn’t want you breaking up with me over this.”

“Nah, I’d never do that.” He managed to shuffle a little closer before slinging his arm over your shoulder. You melted into his touch. You had missed him.

“Will you come back, now, angel?”

“Back?”

“Will you move your damn tent back to camp, Daryl Dixon?”

“I don’t think you’re leavin’ me much choice, are ya?”

“I am not.”

You pushed yourself up and out of Daryl’s touch. He wanted to grab you back but you had already taken a couple of long strides forwards to get out of his reach.

“I am sorry about Sophia, Daryl. I know finding her meant a lot to you. At least you got your closure.” The golden glow was engulfing you now and Daryl really didn’t know how he’d been so lucky to land someone like you.

“Yeah…”

“Can you come back? You gotta shower- don’t look at me like that!” You chuckled, “come on, I’ll make it worth your while.”

Well, you didn’t need to say much more for Daryl to be pushing himself off of the log he had been perched on.