#this is meant to be a response and not an attack or anything
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The Scars on Your Neck
Emperor Caracalla x Reader
Summary: It was completely unimaginable what happened. No one expected you to get attacked during your daily walk through the gardens.
Caracalla was furious, demanding answers from your guards immediately and if they don’t give him an answer as fast as he needs them to, he would personally attack them and kill at least one.
He does not take it lightly that you got hurt, especially since they should have been with you when you were attacked.
“How did this happen?” He would ask and demand answers. When he wouldn’t get an answer, he would ask his question again but this time yelling at the top of his lungs.
You would be in the room next door getting treated, but you could hear him yelling outside.
Your husband was in a meeting with the senators and his brother when the news about your attack reached him. He immediately rushed out of the room without any explanation.
When he reached your shared chambers, he saw your pathetic excuses of guards and that is when the yelling started.
"We were walking with her when she asked us to leave her for a moment. It was not unusual. We turned around but stayed close." one of the remaining two guards explained.
"Not close enough apparently!"
"You are right, Your Majesty. She was attacked by a servant boy. Had a rope to her neck so we wouldn't hear. She fought, knocked over a vase and that is when we noticed."
"You are absolutely useless! You two will be put in the games and killed!" Caracalla waved with his hand and didn't even hear the men's pleas.
"Brother?" Geta arrived with worry written on his face. "Was she truly attacked? I will find out who did this. You stay here with her." Geta had a brotherly love towards you. He knew you were the only person able to calm and keep his brother happy.
Caracalla burst through the doors only to see the healer talking to you as you nod.
"Emperor Caracalla. Your wife is-" Caracalla didn't even allow the man to finish as he was already by your side on the bed. He watched you lay there as he grabbed your hand.
"My Love. I will punish whoever did this."
"It was Macrinus." your voice was hoarse, it pained his heart. "The boy told me." you coughed as you grabbed onto the bandage on your neck.
The vivid images of the boy pulling the rope on your neck as you tried to escape filled your mind. Your hands were shaking and your eyes filled with tears. "He was sent to break you. If he kills me..."
"We will take care of it. Geta will find the boy and then Macrinus. You are safe." he kissed your hand as his own eyes filled with tears. "I will avenge you."
You smiled at him, speaking was too painful.
You didn't sleep much that evening. The images filled your mind.
You only felt safe because you laid in his arms.
You knew he would kill the people responsible. You knew your husband would do anything to keep you safe.
The people responsible were quickly found and killed.
You got new guards.
But your husband requested that you always be with him. And you had no objection to that.
Staying with him meant you were safe.
You felt safe.
He always held your hand no matter what.
During the night, when your bandages came off, you looked at your bruised neck.
It was still very purple and the cuts of the fabric were ugly. You got a herbal balm for it, the healer said it will help with the healing.
You let out a long sigh.
"Does it still hurt?" Caracalla asked from behind you, you turned and looked at him.
"Only a little, I think the balm helps." you smiled a little.
Caracalla took a step closer and he lifted his hand, allowing the tips of his fingers to touch your bruised neck.
His touch was feather-light. As if he was afraid to hurt you more. Even if the people responsible were dead.
"I was so scared. Sometimes I can still feel the rope tight around my neck. All I could think about was you, My Dear Husband."
"Even on the verge of death, My Love?"
"Always. I worried with my death madness will take you over. I worried you would be lonely. I worried you would be sad."
"And I would be. Madly sad because I miss you. But you are still here. You are here with me." his hand moved to cup your cheek and you turned to kiss his palm.
"I'm here and I love you, My Emperor."
"And I love you, My Empress."
Gladiator II Collection
Taglist:
@castellandiangelo @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @manduse @jacalineiscomingforyou
@mandoloriancookie @deliciousfestsalad @lilliumrorum @asgards-princess-of-mischief
@fallout-girl219 @dracaryxzs @snowtargaryen @mel-vaz
~Masterlist~
ˇAO3ˇ
/YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO TRANSLATE, TO STEAL OR TO REUPLOAD ANY OF MY WORKS TO THIS OR OTHER PLATFORMS/
#x reader#fanfiction#x female reader#emperor caracalla#caracalla x reader#gladiator caracalla#caracalla x you#gladiator ii#gladiator ll#caracalla x fem reader#emperor caracalla x reader#emperor caracalla x you#emperor caracalla x female reader#emperor caracalla imagine#emperor caracalla imagines#gladiator 2#gladiator movie#gladiator x reader#gladiator imagine#gladiator imagines#gladiator emperor caracalla#gladiator caracalla x you#gladiator caracalla x reader
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ㅤㅤ ㅤ𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭
ㅤㅤㅤ 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐧𝐨 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞
Yuzuki Minamoto (皆本 憂好 Minamoto Yūzuki), more often refered to as simply Monster (怪物 Monster), is one of the main protagonists of the Jujutsu Kaisen series. She is a special grade jujutsu sorcerer and heir to the Minamoto Clan, being the only living member to inherit Carnivore Comsuption. Yuzuki work as a teacher at the Tokyo Jujutsu High and uses her influence to intercede against the actions of sorcerers executives.
[ 𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 ] —
Yuzuki is a tall, strong woman in her late twenties. She has charcoal-black long hair, and during work hours uses long hairpins to keep it in a partially tied up bun. Yuzuki uses contact lenses to conceal her red iris and long earrings with rubi pendants.
Yuzuki wears a attired chosen by Noriyori, her mother and head of the Minamoto Clan. She sports a sash, crafted by Tengen to restrict her cursed energy, over a summer robe. Beneath it, Yuzuki wears running shoes. She has a preference for expensive fabrics and tama kanzashi (玉簪 Ball Kanzashi) hairpins. As a Tokyo Jujutsu High student, Yuzuki wore the standard school uniform with a talisman tied around her neck.
During the Shinjuku Showdown Arc, Yuzuki used a long red uchikake made of silk over a pearly-white kimono. She used a ogi bira kanzashi (扇びら簪 Princess style) hairpin.
[ 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 ] —
Yuzuki is a schemer at her core, exhibiting a calm and relaxed demeanor even during stressful situations. She is usually playful with friends and colleagues, acting gentle and careful towards her students. Yuzuki soothe elders in their presences while sharing her honest opinion near other sorcerers and students.
She is confident in her abilities and uses her reputation as a glutton for bloodshed to ensure her plans against the elders succeed. Yuzuki judges others based on their will to evolve, acting cold to those she finds stagnant and unreliable. She often lies and bluffs, going as far to spread false rumors about herself and her own abilities.
Yuzuki's ability to heal is usually mistaken by a fast RCT (Reverse Cursed Technique), making most curse users avoid engaging with her in physical combat. Her combative style is characterized by non-existent defense and close-range attacks. Yuzuki acts condescending during combat, giving advice to opponents and ignoring the loss of limbs. She tends to make cold-blooded decisions, prioritizing enemies' defeat over anything else.
Yuzuki's caring behavior and violent-methods are contradictions within herself. After being crucified by Toji Fushiguro, she realized healing and torture meant the same for her body. Dealing with a life-long extreme chronic pain due to her heavenly restriction, Yuzuki grew desensitized to pain and often forgets others aren't as resistant.
Yuzuki became a affiliated sorcerer because it was the easiest way to encounter opponents, and ignores any ideologies about duty and responsability as a sorcerer. She dreams of a world where Clans have no power, that is the main reason why she joined [ 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇 𝐉𝐔𝐉𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐔 𝐊𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐍 𝟎 𝐓𝐎 𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 ].
Alongside with Satoru Gojo, Yuzuki took responsability for Megumi and Tsumiki. Protecting them from the Zen'in Clan, her calm demeanor shatters when they are in danger. She attempted to kill Naobito Zen'in when he offered to buy Megumi from her, now both Clans hostile against one another.
[ 𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐒 ] —
Overview
Overall Skill Level: Yuzuki is an exceedingly resistant fighter and one of only five special grade sorcerers. Despite countless rumors, little is know about her powers except that it is impossible to kill Yuzuki in combat. She possesses vasts amounts of cursed energy, but mostly uses her physical prowess and high combat insticts in order to not reveal her true technique.
Yuzuki was the one of the few Minamoto to inherit Carnivore Comsuption and survive their childhood. As student, jujutsu higher-ups observed her closely and often sent her to difficult missions alone. Yaga later regretted that, seeing this as the reason why there is no factual information about her abilities.
Yuziki is know as the best healer in jujutsu history, able to reconstruct allies' missing limbs from a long distance. As a first-year student, Yuzuki was able of regenarating Riko Amanai's brain.
Kenjaku studied Toji's experiment to determine how to disable Yuzuki. Using Mahito, Kenjaku attracted her to [ 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐁𝐔𝐘𝐀 𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 ].
Physical Prowess
Master Hand-to-Hand Combatant: Yuzuki is a formidable martial artist, damaging constructions within miles of distance without using any cursed energy. She was capable of overpowering Mahito in hand-to-hand combat as her attacks changed the format of his soul. Fighting alongside Sukuna, Yuzuki managed to keep Mahoraga trapped under her body as the King of Curses activated his domain.
Immense Endurance: Often put in dangerous positions, killing blows can't stop Yuzuki from moving forward. Yuzuki cures brain damage automatically, making it possible for her to use all of her techniques severe times. When Toji crucified her down at the barrier's core, she learned how to modify the shape of her body to escape from traps.
Immense Speed & Reflexes: As her intentions is most combats is to make her opponent hit her with cursed energy, often curses assume Yuzuki is slow to defend. She is an extremely fast fighter, equal to Naobito Ze'nin. In her duel with Sukuna, after charging her technique she surprised the King of Curses by avoiding his slash attacks.
Immense Strength: Relying mostly on her physical strength against curses, Yuzuki rarely encountered enemies she couldn't defeat immediately. Healing Yuji Itadori's body, she sent Sukuna flying throught the school walls. Yuzuki was able to carry Ultimate Mechamaru - Mode: Absolute away from Shibuya's center.
Intelligence
Great Tactical Intellect:Yuzuki is tactical, as smart as she is resistant. She is adaptable, learning others' techniques through the pain it causes on her body. Enranging opponents with the lack of cursed energy on her attacks, Yuzuki forces them to activate their own techniques. Once that happens, Yuzuki has the upperhand in any and every battle.
The lies, bluffs and rumors Yuzuki spreads about herself confuses the entirety of jujutsu world. Often times, Yuzuki pretends to expand her domain in order to make opponents take on a defensive stance. It is still unkown for higher-ups if she even has a domain technique.
Cursed Restrictions
Heavenly Restriction: The trade-off for Yuzuki's life-long extreme chronic pain is her entire body constantly creating positive energy. That makes it impossible for her to be damaged for more than a 0.0001 second. The only moment she uses RCT is to heal others, never herself.
Yuji Itadori: In exchange for her protection against jujutsu higher-ups, Yuji Itadori is proihibited from entering a binding vow without Yuzuki there to mediate it.
Minamoto Clan: [ 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐁𝐔𝐘𝐀 𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 ].
Cursed Energy
Cursed Energy Capacity: Yuzuki's vast cursed energy is restrict through a biding vow with the Minamoto Clan. Tengen crafted talismans capable of [ 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇 𝐉𝐔𝐉𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐔 𝐊𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐍 𝟎 𝐓𝐎 𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 ].
Cursed Energy Manipulation: Yuzuki has total control over her cursed energy due to having spent her entire life regulating it to not break her binding vow conditions. When in a situation where she can use it freely, Yuzuki faces zero unnecessary cursed energy loss. Facing Mahoraga, she shifted between her innate technique and simple domain effortlessly.
Cursed Energy Output: Due to her immense control and beneficts from the heavenly restriction, Yuzuki can output insanely high amounts of cursed energy into her techniques. After stealing Divine Flame, she was able of using 120% of its potential to damage both Mahoraga and Sukuna.
Black flash: Yuzuki never once landed a Black flash.
Cursed Technique
Inherited Technique: Carnivore Comsumption (肉食動物 Meat-eater)
Is an inherited technique from the Minamoto family. It grants the capacity to steal whatever technique struck the user as long as they can survive the hit in its double damage. Most members to have enherited this technique died as soon as it developed in their brain, but due to her heavenly restriction Yuzuki can survive the conditions of it. Once the technique is stolen, the details for it are carved into Yuzuki's right prefrontal cortex.
Innate Technique: Shattered Mirror (砕 鏡 Frustrated Mirror)
Any attack imbued in cursed energy is reversed in 120% to the sorcerer once Yuzuki stops feeling the effects of it on her body. Due to her inherited technique, it means the damage will be double once it reaches the opponent. It doesn't replicate long-lasting effects such as poison, loss of limbs or temporary incapacitation. It does replicate inherited and innate technique, barrier, talisman and shinikami.
Extension Technique: Sanguinory Trap (出血 羂 Tied Bleeding)
Anyone that ingests Yuzuki's blood automatically receives the same damage she does. After using RCT, the cursed techniques fade away but the physical damage continues as her heavenly restriction cannot be healed. The only way to stop it is by making Yuzuki ingest the opponent's blood.
Maximum Output: Offered Suicide (心中 供 Gifted Lover's Suicide)
It's Sanguinory Trap in its maximum use of cursed energy. Yuzuki multiplies positive and negative energy, consequently damaging her brain. Unless the opponent's RCT can be compared to hers, it means instant death. Until october, Yuzuki knew about only two other sorcerers that could survive it: Kinji Hakari and, of course, Satoru Gojo.
Maximum Technique: Ouroboros (ウロボロス Ouroboros)
Ouroboros is the maximum technique of Shattered Mirror. By attacking herself with someone else's maximum output (e.g. Satoru Gojo's Cursed Technique Lapse: Blue, Choso Kamo's Flowing Red Scales), Yuzuki can eccho the doubled wound on a radious of 200 meters.
Shikigami Jutsu: Hana (供花 Flower Shrine)
By opening a wound on her body, Yuzuki can create shikigami's from her dripping blood. Hana is an infestation of humming birds that sucks the opponent's blood meanwhile ingesting Yuzuki's blood into their body. It grants her the possibility of using Sanguinory Trap and it's maximum output, Offered Suicide.
Anti-Domain Technique: Falling Blosson Emotion (落らっ花かの情じょう Rakka no Jō)
A secret domain countermeasure passed down in the Big Four Sorcerer Families. Rather than expanding a domain, Falling Blossom Emotion counterattacks with cursed energy the moment a domain's can't-miss attack makes contact.
Domain Expansion: Corroded Shrine (月宮 腐るRotten Moon Palace)
Using Kuan Yin's mudra, Yuzuki creates a lethal open-domain with a Meiji Shrine as an escape route, a binding vow which vastly increases the guaranteed hit's effective area with a maximum radios of 100 meters. Everything that remains inside it for more than five seconds is submerged in blood and relentlesly attacked by any stolen techniques of her choice. Yuzuki herself and those she makes physical contact with are immunite to its effect.
Special Abilities: Soul Range
Upon first-meeting, Ryomen Sukuna recognized Yuzuki's soul was stronger than most humans. During a battle with Mahito, he mentioned her soul didn't even trembled at his technique. In the same day, after touching Junpei's shoulder [ 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐈𝐒𝐇 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄 𝐏𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 ].
[ 𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐏𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 ] —
Cursed Tool: Inverted Spear of Heaven (天あまの逆さか鉾ほこ Ama no Sakahoko)
It is a special grade cursed tool with the ability to completely nullify cursed techniques on contact. It uses an imbued cursed technique fueled by foreign cursed energy. After Toji Fushiguro's defeat, the status of it was unknown even to Tengen.
[ 𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐀 ] —
According to Jujutsu Kaisen Official Fanbook:
Hobby: Reading ancient poems.
Favorite dish: Fish and oyester.
Least favorite dish: Milk.
Cause of stress: The Minamoto Clan.
all rights reserved to © madwomansapologist
#someone please ask me about the kanjis for her name T - T#i want an excuse to rant#also anyone recs artists taking commissions pleeeease#i want to get her own jjk cover#madwomansapologist#you love blood too much (but not like i do)#sukuna#ryomen sukuna#ryomen sukuna x reader#sukuna x reader#jjk#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader
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day 251
so like remember when i said i was gonna be mentally ill about utena
#day 251#year 4#aradia megido#jade harley#homestuck#arajade#revolutionary girl utena#so this is a wip but i dont have the time or energy to finish it today unfortunately#i do plan to finish it at a later date tho#this isnt really meant to be like#a fully realized au or anything#utena doesnt seem like the kind of thing that lends itself super well to this kind of au?#like the kind where you slot other characters into the roles or the setting of the og series#the characters that exist in it are too integral to the like. Point of the thing. to me at least#BUT there are some themes that cross over really well#into the things i find the most most most interesting about aradia and jade and the differences between them#and how they cope with an environment that attacks their agency and like. responsibility. and resisting the established narrative. and. and#and okay TBH? yeah i drew jade in the rose bride fit. but frankly i could say some shit about EITHER of them in either role.#the themes are absolutely there like theres a connection im making in my brain here i swear im just struggling to articulate it#maybe once i finish the drawing i will have finished my rgu arajade thoughts as well.
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I thought this was going to be criticism on the jet pack thing but am now a little confused. (I personally am not a fan of the jet pack thing).
I think you have valid criticisms, even though I don’t agree with all of them. I liked Calypso’s song but didn’t sympathize with her, even though it felt like we were supposed to. I really liked Dangerous as a set up to Odysseus’ voyage. I really liked Charybdis but wish it was longer and had more story in it.
I really liked Get in the Water and 600 Strikes, especially regarding its composition. The instrumentals are amazing, and so is the voice acting. It felt climatic and desperate. It felt like an epic battle with a god. Plus, Odysseus did try this one final plea, but it failed. Words weren’t going to work here, and there wasn’t a clever way besides the bag or divine intervention to get out. Poseidon wasn’t interested in what he had to say and wasn’t giving him the opportunity to speak. I don’t think that even in Homer’s Odyssey that Odysseus beat Poseidon with words. He got help from Athena and a group of people Poseidon protected, besting him that way with cleverness instead of words.
Also, I’m not sure what you mean by saying Odysseus begging for his life would show ruthlessness? Yes, it would be ruthless if Odysseus said outrightly “screw my crew, I did what I needed to do,” and begging for his life would be very human of him, but it’d be more pathetic than ruthless, and Poseidon would just kill him. I think it’s also very human of Odysseus to be pissed off and angry and to fight a god, even if its outlook isn’t good. Poseidon killed his men and friends. Poseidon has actively been keeping him from going home. Poseidon is his enemy. He’s tried his other tactics but nothing’s worked; the only method left is violence, even if he dies in the attempt.
I also don’t think this musical is about becoming strong enough to beat a god. It’s about a series of unfortunate events that turned somebody into a shell of themselves and transformed them. Homer’s Odysseus was ruthless, too, in his own ways, and a dick. He doesn’t return to Ithica desperate and whimpering. He returns and ruthlessly murders a bunch of people.
Also- there was no power of friendship. The ghosts were trying to get Odysseus to join them in death/were in his head. I think the singing we hear in 600 and what Odysseus was doing was enacting vengeance on their behalf, not them helping him, though I personally would’ve liked that better than the jet pack.
To your last point- what stopped Homer’s Poseidon? The internet doesn’t give a straight answer. I don’t think there was one. So, like, good point, but an unfair point as well. I think this Poseidon decided Odysseus wasn’t worth the trouble anymore or that his point had been made. Plus, he’s failed to kill him twice, and he has protection from other gods, which might play into it.
Again, I think not liking this saga is valid. I personally liked all the songs but wished it could’ve been longer. I also didn’t like the jet pack angle because it felt absurd to me and took me out of the story. Like, it makes sense for the creator due to his apparent love for anime and epic moments, but I thought it was ridiculous and have chosen to ignore it. I would’ve liked the ghost angle or, more so, divine intervention from Athena again, but I also get what Jorge was going for. This saga was meant to be a build up and a conclusion. A closure of an arc. A full circle. The result to Poseidon’s earlier actions that set off the rest of the story.
Overall, this is an adaptation retelling, and Jorge’s made that pretty clear, having said before that he’s taken extensive liberties and to not use it as a source for the original. I see it like the Mythos retellings we see in bookstores like The Song of Achilles and Circe or fairytale retellings. Heavily based on the original but meant to be different.
I totally understand being disappointed, though, if that wasn’t what you were looking for.
Okay, I lied, I'm not done with vengeance saga.
For some reason I'm still so angry and sad because of it, that I need to criticize it more or I won't be able to sleep.
I'm again so fucking disappointed, the whole saga felt like some kind of joke. I mean, the song I was worried the most about - "not sorry for loving you - turned out to be the most normal one. Like, yeah, Calypso is still very selfish and manipulative, Odysseus just want to be as far from her as possible and etc, I don't like that we are clearly expected to sympathise with her, but you know, in the context of this saga I'll go with it.
Dangerous felt a little overdone. I love Hermes, "wouldn't you like" was my favorite song for a long time, and maybe compared to it "Dangerous" is trying so much to go with the same vibe, but feels so deliberate about this.
I don't have much to say about "Charybdis" because there is nothing really to talk about, visuals were great, but everything felt so rushed, and also so meaningless, like they just needed to show at least one obstacle for Odysseus before Poseidon and nothing more.
And, yeah...
"Get in the water" and "600 strikes".
If you haven't guessed it yet, I'm very disappointed.
First of all, it is a lot weaker musically that I've expected. Okay, maybe there are good. Maybe I just am not able to hear this, because through these two songs I just stared at the screen with the confused and disappointed look, so I wasn't able to enjoy music or acting on its own.
Second, I was so interested in "get in the water", i liked the snippet we had so much before. It was so cool, emotional, and dark. I was so invested in finding out how Odysseus could escape this, what he might have said to change Poseidon's mind, maybe expected there to be some gesture towards the Odyssey, where Odysseus would tell Poseidon that he will go on this quest with the oar and so on. Also, i hoped to finally see "snake tongued" Odysseus in action because, like, that's what he is the most known about, for his mastery in words.
But this?
This was so bad. It also feels so fucking disrespectful to Poseidon, like, don't get me wrong, i like the change in power balance, I love when a character who wasn't able to do anything at some point now is beating the shit out of his former abuser and etc, BUT THIS IS NOT WORKING WITH THE GODS AND MORTALS IN GREEK MYTHOLOGY. AND THIS IS NOT WORKING WITH POSEIDON AND ODYSSEUS, THE STORY OF THE ODYSSEY IS NOT ABOUT HOW TO BECOME STRONG ENOUGH TO BEAT THE GOD. IT IS SO FAR OFF!
Like, yeah, the original is neither about "learning that you need to be ruthless to be able to return home if that's what you want so much", but there is difference in the level of what level of getting things wrong is normal and can be called "creative liberties" and what level is just bad. If you wanted so much for Odysseus to show how ruthless he became, well, we've already seen "different beast" to show us his cruelty, don't you think that maybe if they showed us how epic-Odysseus is able to put aside all the men Poseidon has killed and all of the pain he himself have gone through because of Poseidon and just talk with him, bargaining about his own life or something like this it would have also shown his ruthless side in a new way and be so much more believable? Even if he pulled out "there are other ways" move I think I would belive it more than that he is able to defeat Poseidon, the god of SEA, STORMS and EARTHQUAKES, PHISICALLY, in the SEA, with the STORM and fucking power of friendship (no, I will not stop calling it like this).
You know, I have a lot more to say about this, but I guess i'll stop with this. I guess I feel so bad about it because I really liked epic, yeah, I had problems with it, but I considered it nice adaptation even if it's kind of far from the source material, it felt very good and respectful to the original Odyssey, but now it became this. So yeah, I'm really disappointed.
And also, even if epic Odysseus was somehow able to defeat a god, what the fuck will stop epic Poseidon from returning after couple of months recovery and just wipe whole Ithaca off the face of the earth after such offense and shame? Like literally what? Or little epic Poseidon is now so afraid of big bad epic Odysseus that wouldn't bare even think about his name again?
#vengeance saga#epic odysseus#epic the musical#epic the musical vengeance saga#this is meant to be a response and not an attack or anything#you’re entitled to your opinions and valid#I was also disappointed but for different reasons still liked the s#I still like the songs and the overall story though
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really fucking sick and tired of people who really fucking love the eddie book jumping on people who don't like or are even remotely critical of it's posts and like crusading their opinions around from the top of their high horses and shoving it down our throats.
if you like the book, great! that's awesome! love that for you! i am genuinely glad that you were able to find good in it and enjoy it!!
but not everyone did, and not everyone is going to agree with you. so, instead of going on some grand crusade where you find every single post that includes anything even remotely negative or negative adjacent or even neutrally critical and spending ALL this time and effort trying to provide unwanted rebuttals to every single thing, maybe you should just stay in your lane and find people who DO like the book and chat about it with them.
because i can PROMISE YOU, none of us appreciate it when you come onto our posts and start accusing us of "hating on" the author or "being rude" about her and her work and RIDICULOUS shit like that.
being critical of something and pointing out it's flaws is NOT inherently hating on it. i, frankly, do not know where people got that notion, but it's not fucking true so can we fucking quit assuming it is? and, critiquing something is also NOT the same as saying this is shit and it sucks and the author is a piece of garbage. again, where the fuck that came from is beyond me. you can be critical of something and still enjoy it. as soooo many of you love to point out, it's not perfect, why should it be perfect? so D U H. of course that means criticism can and should arise???
also. hot take (by which i mean ice fucking cold because it's NOT a fucking hot take), but going around toting FALSE facts as part of your "defense" does not make you or your argument look good. you, like the author, should maybe do a basic fact check first. 🙃
tldr, if you like the book, that's genuinely great, but stay in your fucking lane and stop seeking out posts from people who didn't like it to start shit in the notes.
#flight of icarus#stranger things#this has happened to me and to so many of my friends and im fucking SICK of it#i didn't even hate the book either!! i thought it was just okay#and yet i STILL get all these book lovers jumping down my throat about things i say about the book#things that - HONESTLY are not even like that scathing!!!!!#like god damn all im asking for is a little BASIC effort from the author and they all think thats me asking for her head on a platter#its NOT#i have no problem with the author#she's whatever to me honestly just a vessel through which the book was given to us#ALSO she is some nebulous blob way outside my orbit. AS IN any critiques i have of her and her work are NOT direct assaults on her???#like i dont fucking KNOW her#im not saying any of this to her face#she is a published writer she should KNOW the risks she is taking when she publishes her writing#not everyone is going to like it! there are going to be people who are critical of it! there are going to be people who hate it!#critiques and pointing out mistakes and wishing for things to have been different is not a fucking direct attack#those things are actually pretty fucking common responses to ANYTHING#and a lot of times theyre actually meant as useful helpful things geared towards improvement and not something to tear someone down with#some people on the internet need to go touch grass and learn how to CRITICALLY THINK again#the world is not as black and white as you think#n e ways. rant over. if you stuck around through all of that kudos to you. i am just. at the end of my rope with this bullshit.
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The thing with 9/11 is that no one cares that much about the death and destruction itself. Buildings fall down and people die all the time, including in the US. Like at the height of the COVID-19 pandemic you had entire 9/11s worth of USamericans dying on a regular basis. If all that damage was caused by an earthquake or faulty building practices or whatever, there wouldn't have been nearly as much fuss about it. It's not as if the insane response from US population was a matter of "two building fall down"
The reason why 9/11 was so upsetting to the US population was their widespread feelings of Imperialist Chauvinism and the subsequent outrage at seeing it so openly and violently defied. The US was at the height of its Imperialist power at the turn of the millennium, a hegemonic superpower that was dominant in some way over more or less the entire world. Whether they'd phrase it in such a way or not, most people in the US were very well aware of this; as far as they were concerned the US was truly the greatest country on the Earth. For some this was a point of pride, for others it was a simple fact of the world. This made them feel secure; bombings and mass killings might happen in those "shithole nations" of the earth but it couldn't happen over there. The US military could wipe entire cities off the map and like maybe that was good, maybe that was unfortunate and maybe it meant nothing at all. Either way that was normal; the violence flowed from the Core to the Periphery.
Until one day it didn't. One day a group of people from that Periphery, from some shithole group of nations, struck back. Now the sorts of destruction they'd seen on TV were happening right outside their window; the US got the smallest taste of the sort of brutality they had long inflicted on the rest of the world. And they did not like that taste at all. The US people as a whole went mad with grief and rage, not at the death of any people but the death of their sense of unquestionable safety and superiority. And the only hope of getting that feeling back was to inflict a revenge so terrible that no one would dare resist or retaliate again.
If bloodshed was how they'd built their empire, only more bloodshed could keep it safe. And this time they didn't even have to feel bad about it. It's not as if the US empire had ever given the world any peace, but now they had the perfect pretense to escalate it to levels not seen in decades. If they talked about this isolated and comparatively limited attack as though it was some great invasion, the US government and its supporters could take all the moral high ground of "self defence" even as they slaughtered impoverished peoples on the other side of the world. So it made sense to treat the 11 September attacks as though they were the greatest tragedy of all time. 9/11 didn't break the US psyche, it just made them express it in a more shameless way. It's not as though genocidal Imperialist violence was anything new to the USA. Afghans were just the new Apaches; the "Middle East" a new "Wild West"
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Why I Love Caitlyn, and Why You Hate Her
⚠️ READER DISCRETION: I am not condoning Caitlyn’s actions and behavior, I am simply exploring the depth of her character and explaining what motivated her pursuit of revenge.
There’s no denying the gravity of Caitlyn’s actions as they are unquestionably wrong. However, her character cannot be reduced to these actions alone. This sudden, devastating behavior of hers is shaped by a thread of complex motivations and circumstances, but many choose not to acknowledge this simply because of her elite background.
Like many others, I initially overlooked the point of the gassing in Zaun, which I think is a crucial thing everyone must first understand before diving into the discourse over Caitlyn's character.
The Grey, often misunderstood as being used indiscriminately, was strategically deployed against the Chem-Barons to limit collateral damage. Caitlyn chose precision over chaos, targeting those directly responsible for Zaun’s turmoil. Furthermore, Caitlyn didn’t kill the Chem-Barons; she captured them, with net-deploying bullets. While her methods are controversial, they reflect a calculated approach; mischaracterizing her raid as a reckless attack ignores these details.
This isn’t to deny or excuse the fact that Caitlyn did, indeed, gas Zaun. Who’s to say that gas didn’t seep into the streets where innocent Zaunites roamed, harming them in the process? It’s entirely possible that innocents were affected and devastated. However, my brief explanation is only added to gain better perspective over the objectives of the gassing itself.
Now moving on, despite her privileged upbringing, Caitlyn shows a genuine effort to understand and connect with Zaunites. She places her trust in Vi, a Zaunite she’s never met before, to guide her in her search for Silco. Her journey through the undercity opens her eyes to the struggles of its people, challenging her perspective.
In S1E4, when investigating the airship attack, she encounters an undercity resident and reassures him, “I can protect you.” Later in the season, when Vi gets stabbed, Caitlyn encounters someone formerly connected to Vi. He’s grown a distaste over himself due to his appearance, and yet Caitlyn embraces him with compassion and tenderness, as a silent sign of gratitude. Then, she surrenders her cherished firearm—her only means of protection—in return for a healing potion to save Vi. In S1E7, Caitlyn’s heartfelt monologue in her conversation with Ekko perfectly captures her hope and determination: “This city needs healing. More than I ever realized. Please, let me help you.”
When Caitlyn and Vi stand in front of the Council, Caitlyn declares: “Councilors, this is Vi. She was born in the undercity. Even though we failed her in countless ways, she risked everything to show me what life is really like down there. People are starving, sick, ravaged by Shimmer. They live in constant fear of the coordinated efforts of violent crime lords.” This monologue alone shows how Caitlyn embodies optimism, believing in the inherent goodness of people, even Zaunites. It also shows that she is very willing to fight for them; she sees helping Zaunites as an act of bringing justice and equality into this world.
Many overlook the depth of Cassandra and Caitlyn’s relationship, reducing it to a simple narrative of a daughter mourning her mother. However, Caitlyn’s mourning is more layered than that. Throughout her life, she has been rebellious, driven by a desire to uncover the reality her mother tried to shield her from. In S1E4, Caitlyn reflects on this by saying, “She’d do anything to keep me from seeing the real world.” Caitlyn’s defiance wasn’t just rebellion for its own sake—it was a stand for her ideals. She sought enlightenment and understanding, even if it meant stepping outside the privileged bubble her mother built for her. By venturing into the undercity and aligning herself with Vi, Caitlyn rejected her mother's own ideals.
Here's another scene in S1E8 that emphasizes this:
Cassandra: You're a Councilor's daughter. Your actions reflect on the entire body. Caitlyn: My actions? You know what else reflects on the Council? Its citizens living on the streets. Being poisoned. Having to chose between a kingpin who wants to exploit them and a government who doesn't give a shit!
In a way, her actions mirror Vi’s: just as Vi betrayed her people by working with the enforcers, Caitlyn betrayed her own mother by involving herself with Zaunites. Remember: The last time we see Caitlyn and Cassandra interact on-screen is during Caitlyn’s plea before the Council. And in that moment, Caitlyn was fighting to protect the very kind that would soon kill her own mother.
You say that Caitlyn’s drastic shift is unjustified, as she’s only experienced a fraction of the suffering Zaunites have been enduring. But that’s precisely the point! Her transformation shows how personal loss can drive the change of one’s entire character; she’s never experienced loss before which is why it feels so heavy for her. And unlike Zaunites, Caitlyn actually has the power to act on her grief. Zaunites have only known misery their whole lives. When their loved one dies, they know there is nothing more they can do but grieve. They don’t have an inch of the privilege and military support Caitlyn has. If you had given them the same resources as Caitlyn, they wouldn’t hesitate to bring ruin to Piltover. Simply put, they don’t fight Piltovans because they don’t want to, but because they can’t.
When Jinx takes her mother away, her compassionate ideals completely shatter. Having always sought justice and understanding for Zaun, Caitlyn feels deeply betrayed, as her faith in the good within every Zaunite is overturned. Her mother’s death becomes a turning point—driving her to abandon her ideals and adopt Piltover’s disdain for the undercity, finally understanding the resentment many Piltovans harbor.
We also tend to forget that, aside from losing her mother, Caitlyn has directly suffered under the hands of Jinx. Caitlyn was held captive by Jinx in Season 1—and God knows what was done to her during that period. In the tea party scene, we see Caitlyn break down in tears, visibly flinching when Jinx moves toward her. It’s clear that Jinx has traumatized Caitlyn not just once, but twice. These experiences deeply shape Caitlyn’s actions moving forward. The pain and fear she’s endured push her to a place where she’s willing to sacrifice almost anything, even if it means putting a child’s life at risk (Isha's) or severing ties with Vi.
While they share their differences, Caitlyn and Jinx are the perfect example of foil characters. Here’s an instance which proves this: Both allow themselves to be influenced by manipulative, powerful figures all while being in a vulnerable state of mind.
Jinx is haunted by guilt; her attempt to save her family only ended up killing them, leaving her with the crushing weight of self-blame. She clings to Silco, not because he was the father she needed, but because he was the father she wanted. Silco indulged her destructive tendencies, keeping her at an all-time high on the edges of chaos. Fragile and broken, Powder crossed paths with Silco at the right moment; he saw the perfect chance to mold her into someone bewildered, unrestrained, and astray.
Caitlyn has her own Silco: Ambessa, the ruthless Noxian leader with a brutal philosophy of war. Ambessa enters Caitlyn’s life at a pivotal moment, stepping in just as Caitlyn is grappling with the devastating loss of her mother. In a spiral of self-identity, Caitlyn struggles with the weight of Piltover’s expectations and her unresolved guilt over her strained relationship with her mother (as explained in previous paragraphs). Just as young Powder mourns her family, Caitlyn blames herself for the death of her mother. Caitlyn got herself involved with the Zaunites even when she was warned not to, and at the expense of her defiance came the death of her mother. Driven by guilt and a thirst for vengeance, Caitlyn steps fully into her role, declaring in S2E1: “I am a decorated officer. Leader of House Kiramman.”
Jinx and Caitlyn share a tragic parallel: they both lose everyone they hold dear. Jinx loses Vi, Vander, Claggor, and Mylo. Caitlyn is left without Cassandra, Vi, Jayce, Mel, and Tobias. Stripped of their support systems, they are left isolated, with no one to confide in or rely on. They become vulnerable, used as pawns in the larger schemes of Silco and Ambessa’s strategic games.
Caitlyn's inner turmoil is exactly why Ambessa’s manipulation is so effective. Caitlyn is compelled to take revenge, but she doesn’t know how to. And without anyone else to guide her, she places her complete trust in Ambessa's expertise. Ambessa doesn’t just give Caitlyn the authority and power to avenge her mother; she teaches her how to use them to their full potential. She toys with Caitlyn's vulnerability, making her adopt the Noxian values of wrath, bloodshed, and ruthlessness.
It’s easy to downplay Caitlyn’s grief since she comes from an elite upbringing. While Cassandra Kiramman is laid to rest in a golden casket with a proper burial, countless innocents in Zaun become victims of merciless violence, being left to die on the streets. After the timeskip however, Caitlyn is shown to recognize the moral cost of her actions. Though the series portrays this realization subtly, it becomes evident that Caitlyn is grappling with the inhumanity and immorality of her pursuit of revenge. In S2E4, this internal conflict comes to light during her conversation with Ambessa. When Ambessa attempts to stoke her fury again, Caitlyn disarms her with a piercing question: “Why is peace always the justification for violence?”
Here's another scene that subtly depicts her realization and remorse:
Caitlyn: You're a monster. Why? Why do all this? Singed: Why does anyone commit acts others deem unspeakable? ... For love.
When Caitlyn steps further and sees Orianna, she realizes that Singed's revenge is a reflection of her own: a person grieving the death of their family member. Here, there's a saddened glint in her eyes. She finally understands now, that love and grief made her do things that once seemed so foreign to her. In this case, going against her own principles just to succeed in her revenge.
Caitlyn is now forever haunted by the outcome of her mistakes, but she knows her past cannot be erased. During her confrontation with Jinx in the prison, she admits, “No amount of good deeds can undo our crimes.” While this statement is directed at Jinx, it feels like Caitlyn also holds this against herself for her own wrongdoings.
Caitlyn’s acts of atonement are done quietly. She’s not good with words; she’s bad at articulating how she feels. Ironically, Vi is much better than Caitlyn when it comes to confronting and vocalizing internal conflict. So instead, Caitlyn’s actions speak for herself. By removing the guards at the prison, she tacitly allows Vi the opportunity to rescue Jinx. She knows Vi will come to save her sister, and yet she lets her. She finally lets go of Jinx and the grudge she held against her, as a silent act of her love for Vi.
And in S2E9, Sevika is shown to be sitting among the Councilors. But thanks to a fan's keen eyes, we find out that she is sat particularly on Cassandra Kiramman's chair (which not many notice). By allowing a Zaunite to occupy her mother's seat, Caitlyn gives them a chance to be rightfully represented, a chance for their voices and suffering to finally be heard. It’s a quiet display of Caitlyn’s evolution and willingness to bridge the divide between Piltover and Zaun.
That said, Arcane’s ending left much to be desired regarding Caitlyn’s arc. The heavy focus on Hextech overshadowed the sociopolitical dynamics of Piltover and Zaun. This is the main reason a lot of hate is thrown toward Caitlyn—there is an act of accountability, but there a lack of consequence. While Caitlyn acknowledges her mistakes, her privileged status keeps her from real repercussions, unlike the tragedy other characters had to face. This is frustrating, even to me, as someone whose favorite character is Caitlyn. Yet, in a way, it realistically portrays the inequalities in our own world—where the elite are often shielded from justice, and repentance is the closest they ever come to redemption.
#arcane#caitlyn kiramman#character analysis#league of legends#caitlyn#essay#in this essay i will#food for thought#i guess we really are a league of legends#caitvi#violyn#arcane vi#season 2 spoilers
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Prev I think you missed the point of this.
The point is that disabled people should not be held to a higher standard than able bodied people, who are almost never compared to olympic athletes/told they're lazy for not being at the Olympic level. The point of the post is that disabled people should not be expected to push themselves past their physical limits or be expected to constantly work their hardest or be at peak performance at all times, which is what able bodied people are doing when they say "they don't let their disability stop them" about Olympic athletes.
Are those athletes inspiring? Absolutely!! Anyone who makes it to that level of their sport deserves admiration! But using that to try and encourage or force other disabled folks into ignoring their needs because of the comparison isn't cool, and that's what OP is talking about here.
Since the Paralympics are happening and I’m seeing all sorts of people saying “See? This person doesn’t let their disability stop them!”
I would like you to remember that Paralympions are OLYMPIC LEVEL ATHLETES.
How would it feel if I compared your output to that of a literal olympic athlete and used that to justify not helping you or giving you what you need?
Oh, well Michael Phelps and Simone Biles can do it - why can’t you?
Thats how you sound.
#sorry if i've misconstrued your response or anything#and my reply is absolutely not meant to be an attack or anything#just an explanation#i hope my addition is okay OP#i do not mean to speak over disabled voices or take away from the conversation in any way
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your lover would do anything to have your attention on him and nothing or no one else. even if that meant competing with a stuffed toy.
☀︎|tags. older bf!gojo satoru x female reader. fluff, teeny tiny bit suggestive. implied age gap (reader early 20’s, satoru early 30’s). just satoru being a manchild honestly. reader gets called ‘pretty, princess, baby.’ little dumb drabble that is not beta read.
you were cuddling up to your plushie under a pile of blankets, protecting yourself from the almost freezing temperatures outside of your apartment. the television is playing your favorite show, your food is set on the coffee table and your lovely boyfriend is. . . taking pictures of you.
“come on — look at the camera, pretty girl!” satoru coos. he was blocking your view of the screen, indirectly forcing you to follow his instructions. the older man visibly melts the moment you actually do gaze up at him; his eyes soften and his smile brightens, “there y’go. so adorable.”
he snaps a couple pictures from different angles and even one from up close. his big hand cups both of your cheeks, squeezing them together and forcing your mouth into a deformed ‘o’ shape. the way you look up at him through your eyelashes was the cherry on top.
“have i ever told you how beautiful you are, princess?” satoru sighs as he takes one last picture. he puts his phone down and settles next to you on the couch.
you chuckle and instantly rest your head on his shoulder. he sneaks a hand under the blankets and rests it on the exposed skin of your hip, causing you to shiver from the contrast between your body temperatures, “you remind me of it every day.”
satoru huffs—a grin tugging at the corners of his lips. he’s holding back the urges to nibble on your cheek. you’re just so adorable to him; it’s hard to control the cute aggression he experiences whenever you’re around him.
“yeah, well, as i should.” your clingy boyfriend says matter-of-factly. you roll your eyes and scoot over to the other side of the couch, moving away from satoru in fear of him possibly stealing your blankets. he was known as the ‘blanket hogger’ in your relationship after all.
satoru frowns in response and childishly puts his hands on his hips, looking at you like you had just betrayed his trust. you stick your tongue out and continue watching your favorite show—snuggled up to the fluffy blankets and stuffed toy instead of your man.
“can’t believe i got replaced by some blankets and a dumb plushie.” satoru whines. he sighs dramatically and slumps back against the couch, crossing his arms. a pillow flies over to his side and hits him right on the head.
“it’s not dumb. that’s mean.” you glare at him with an offended expression, though were also proud of your excellent aim. you hug your hello kitty plushie to your chest and turn your body the other way. now it was your time to sulk.
little did you know that you’d still be no match to your sassy lover.
the older man falls to the side, continuing his theatrics and clutching his head, “and on top of all that, i’m portrayed as the bad guy. . . haaaah, all i wanted was to be close to my pretty girlfriend.”
that gains him another cushion to the head. satoru grunts and huffs before planning a counterattack. one that was much more direct, yet softer than your pillow attacks.
not a second passes by and your body is already getting robbed from the blankets. “hey, wait,” you click your tongue, though were physically too weak to do anything about satoru’s actions. his body crushes yours underneath him — your poor plushie squeezed between you and your lover.
his hands move quickly to wrap the covers around the both of you. satoru grins to himself as he snuggles up to you, making himself comfortable in your embrace. his face is buried against your chest and his voice is muffled as he speaks up, “oh, c’mooon. can ya blame a man for wanting to cuddle with his girl? exactly - no.”
. . . he didn’t even give you the chance to answer his question. you playfully smack the back of his head and satoru giggles. sometimes it really feels like you’re the older one in the relationship.
“fine, but she’s staying.” you give in eventually, though were demanding for your plushie to stay with you. not that satoru cared about that thing any longer: as long as he has you in his arms, he doesn’t give a damn about anything else.
the white-haired man answers with a simple hum. he even adjusts the stuffed toy so it could rest between both your bodies, patting its head with care before doing the same to you. his large hand settles on top of your head and he moves it back and forth—a gesture of affection he likes to do often.
“mm — say, baby. .” satoru yawns and rests his head back on your chest afterwards. he closes his eyes while he presses soft kisses to the swell of your breasts, “cuddling with me is way better than cuddling with your plushies, right? riiiight?”
there he goes again. you can’t help but snicker however. you grin devilishly and take time to think of a way to tease your lover, “hmmm—no, i think i’d much rather cuddle with my plushies.”
you hear that dramatic gasp and mentally prepare yourself to deal with an even whinier and clingier satoru.
#sttoru writes.#jjk x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader#jjk fluff#gojo x you#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#gojo x y/n#jjk fic
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if you read this and the first post, I sincerely apologize. you’re getting a hard look at the deepest recesses of my mind, open agape and oozing my most vulnerable thoughts I could ever reveal. they’re words that I need to be said, written. I find I don’t ever learn my lesson unless I talk about it. so, I hope those who care enough to read are receptive.
#she starts not responding as much#she gets a new job. she’s getting busier#she’s bad at communicating though. she told me herself#I respect it. I still text her but I don’t expect a response right away. that’s the mature thing to do right? we’re grown!#I wasn’t sure to what extent she meant that. keep that in your back pocket for later in the notes#anyway flash forward to THIS WEEK. I see her post a tiktok of this guy who looked somewhat like her soon-to-be ex husband.#in the caption she calls him her handsome sweet boy and that she needed no one else#my heart: eviscerated. I am about to faint. I am serious as a heart attack in saying all of this.#regardless of whom I may have mistaken this man for. it wasn’t me. and while we never made time to discuss what we wanted to be#or anything in regards to relationships#aside from us calling each other babe and saying we love each other. feel it needs to be stated: she started it. it doesn’t matter much#I loved her too. I didn’t realize how much I still loved her until we started talking again. it hit deep upon realization#on mobile so can’t read the tags fully so idk where I’m at. I confront her on it after she says she’s been on a “affection bender#crux of the whole shit is I told her I don’t want a relationship if she’s gonna post her side piece on tiktok. much less see other men#it hurts she’s would do that. but. I extend empathy. I always will.#she’s not in a great spot. she seems somewhat mentally unstable. she’s on the autism spectrum I learned. manic depressive 2 if memory serves#I loved her all the same. I think I always will. it’s hard not to. I’m convinced she’s my soul mate#but how do I know that. that’s just intuition. and what kind of soulmate? there are 4 kinds and she may be the type to teach me a lesson#anyway. back to being the lost soul I already was. time to snap out of my delusion and get back to the grindstone#maybe that’s where I’ll find my purpose. and kindle the love for life that romance and partnership likely never will#it seems like a perilous journey. that didn’t deter me before#I shouldn’t worry so much#there’s freedom in knowing it won’t get better. even more so I’m letting go of expectation#I’m fucking kidding myself. if I could I’d spend the rest of my life with her and that’s just how I feel. and I’ll love her and care for her#valiant efforts to do so at the very least.#I would dead serious uproot my life in Georgia and move to Cali to be with her. at the drop of a pen I’ll be going breakneck speed down I-10#just to feel her pelt my face with spit while she holds hands with the sweet boy she met.#I am a deeply depraven creature starved of any intimate connection. the one woman I know I could have that with doesn’t want me.#and I’ll let it go. I have to. there has to be more. I’m worthy and I know it.#it’s hard to internalize and know that. that’s where the work needs to be done.
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wave of you // ghost of you
pairing: jj maybank x routledge!reader
summary: more treasure hunting continues but your group takes time to enjoy the perfect surf day. it was perfect, that is until topper’s girlfriend becomes unhinged and you find yourself in the middle of an argument with… rafe cameron coming to your defense?
warnings: the usual obx angst, anxiety attacks, mentions of PTSD, cursing, crying. yeah.
navigation -- series masterlist
ask me anything
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Sarah and John B had beat your half of the group back to the house, Kiara having been running the shop in the unexpected absences. After taking a shower to scrub the hospital off of you and changing into the comfiest clothes you could find, you joined everyone in the living area where everyone was sharing their half of the past few hours.
John B and Sarah had taken the amulet to get an inscription translated into what you found out said Where the living and dead collide, the gatekeeper will guide the way, whatever that meant. They were kicked out shortly after revealing where the object was from, the individual telling them it was cursed.
“Genrette was obsessed with Blackbeard, so maybe directions to his treasure?” John B theorized as he handed the amulet over to JJ.
“So, what is this treasure?” Cleo continued, “Gold?”
Pope shook his head. “No, I remember hearing something about like a… a crown, blue crown?”
His suggestion was immediately vetoed by Cleo and Kiara, neither girl believing a word he offered. You sighed and leaned back into the cushions of the couch, wrapping the blanket tighter around you as you listened to them bicker.
“Apparently, it is the most sought out artifact in the ancient world,” John B read off a page of a book he’d grabbed from the shelf. You squinted at the object in his hand, quietly asking yourself when your brother of all people read a book. “The blue crown was created for Darius the Great of Persia over 3,000 years ago.”
“That’s worth more than 50k.”
John B ignored JJ’s comment and continued, “It was said to possess the blessing of the gods themselves, granting the wearer immense favor and rare invincibility. Holy shit, look at this. Xerxes, the son of Darius the Great, he was a badass. He’s wearing it. Uh, Alexander the Great, beat the shit out of everybody. He’s wearing it. Julius Caesar, also a badass, murdered a bunch of people.”
“Dad told you all of this?” You asked him as he read the names off the pages. Pushing yourself to your feet, you moved to stand behind JJ and rested your chin on his shoulder as you looked over at what they were reading. He moved you into his side, thumb brushing your hip bone as he tugged you close.
John B shook his head at your question, glancing up at you. “No, no. I don’t remember any of this, I just know it granted wishes.”
“Like a genie?”
“Hold on, it says right here the crown was lost sometime in the 1700s, but it was rumored to be hunted down by… Blackbeard.”
There was no argument that the direction of the treasure hunt had been changed when it came to a priceless item versus 50k. The whole night shifted, turning into a bonfire and celebration between the group that brought everyone’s spirits back up.
“Oh, come on!” You complained as Pope smacked your burnt marshmallow from his face, sending the treat into the grass a few feet away. “Pope, that was my fuckin’ marshmallow!”
“I’ll make you a different one! The burnt ones are ass!”
You groaned in response and fake pouted before shaking the can of beer in your hand to find it empty. The six of you had been out here since sundown, embracing the thrill of the evening and what lay ahead. Despite hating the danger your group always seemed to head into, you missed this feeling of nostalgia and anticipation.
JJ’s hands grabbed your hips as you got up from your folding chair, bumping into him as you did so. You covered his hand in the one that didn’t have an empty can and smiled at him. “My knight in shining armor.”
“At your service, baby,” He replied instantly, trading your empty can for the fresh one he had next to him. Once it was securely in your hand, he tugged on your waist until you fell into his lap, a squeal escaping your lips before the two of you lost balance with the momentum and tumbled backward into the grass.
You screamed in shock, your beer flying away in the chaos as you rolled off JJ who was high off his ass and giggling loudly at the fall. You couldn’t stop the laughter escaping your lips and dropped into the grass completely, overwhelmed with happiness for the first time in what felt like forever. “You dumbass!”
“C’mere!”
Another yelp escaped you as JJ swooped you off the lawn and over his shoulder, hauling your ass toward the house with no explanation.
“Oh come on!” John B groaned and covered his eyes with his hand as JJ carried you out of view, various whistles from the ground following. “Fuckin’ hate you, JJ!”
JJ flipped your brother off with his free hand and walked into the house, closing the door with his shoe before he gently placed your feet on the ground. You grinned up at him, your hands wrapping around his neck to pull him impossibly closer.
“Did you need something?” You teased and faked innocence as you fluttered your eyelashes to drive the effect home.
JJ tsked his tongue, his fingers cupping your neck before he kissed you roughly, moaning at the way your body fell into him without hesitation. You knew he wasn’t going to hold back very long and there was a 100% chance your friends could walk in at any moment.
“Upstairs,” You rushed out as his lips dropped to your neck, nipping softly at your skin to make your knees even weaker. “Jay.”
“Yeah, yeah,” He mumbled, his kisses stopping long enough for him to crouch and loop his arms around your ass and waist and pick you up, your ankles crossing behind his back, supported by his strong grip. “Lemme love on you.”
You hummed, kissing him again and biting gently on his bottom lip in response to his request. “You can love on me as much as you went when it’s not somewhere John B can see it.”
JJ groaned and shook his head. “Please stop bringing up your brother when we’re making out.”
You laughed loudly as he started walking up the stairs to your room, his kisses lingering on your collarbone and his grip tight as he did. The lack of light was welcomed as you landed on the bed with a laugh, barely having a second to pull your shirt off and drop your shoes before JJ was hovering over you with a hungry desire in his eyes and a whole night to make you his, again and again, just as he intended to.
--
The next morning was a haze of blissful kisses and a warm shower between you and JJ, the house still silent as everyone slept. Your boyfriend wrapped you in a soft towel, pressing a kiss to your forehead before telling you he was going to check on the shack. It hadn’t taken more than a few minutes before he was running through the house, waking everyone up and telling them about the swell.
The warm sunlight was shining through the window as you slipped on a swimsuit for the day, taking the time to brush your skin with sunscreen and grabbing one of John B’s lightweight shirts to slip on over your shoulders. The boys were already down prepping the boards with Kiara as you and Sarah took the time to make breakfast for everyone, knowing food would easily be forgotten in the excitement of the day.
“Oh come on, don’t tell me you guys are seriously surfing today?” Pope walked across the screened-in porch while shoving his backpack on his shoulders.
You frowned at the sight of him in everyday clothes and not swimwear, “And you aren’t?”
Ever since you were little, you’d spent every surf day with the boys and Kiara. It was like the second the news of a perfect swell hit town, all bets were off and the beach was calling your name. Pope was usually the one to drag you out of bed for it, so to see him walking away was a surprise.
“Well, I don’t want to sell the million dollars I have in my hand for 50k so, I’m gonna look into this.” He held up the amulet for emphasis.
JJ looked just as confused as you did. “Wait, Pope. Didn’t you hear me? It’s a perfect swell day.”
“Yeah, and there will be other swell days.”
Low whistles and ‘ooohs’ followed his statement, the group collectively disagreeing with his mindset. John B turned to Sarah from his spot where he was waxing your board. “You wanna maximize beach day?”
Sarah pursed her lips. “I wanna maximize this tan.”
You bit into your toast and pushed at her with your toes. “Sarah Cameron, I know you used to be a Kook but you’ll learn how to surf the Pogue way today.”
She rolled her eyes in fake annoyance before pushing at your foot, sending you off balance from your stool as you yelped before laughing.
“Well, everyone have fun maximizing.”
“Wait!” You called out to Pope as he turned on his heels to leave. “Where’s Cleo? I have to see her on a board. She’s gotta be insane with it.”
Pope shrugged, “She texted me, said she’s looking for bait in The Cut.”
“Lame, tell her we’re closed!” Kie argued back.
JJ continued to try and convince Pope to join you all on the beach, but the boy wasn’t having it, his mind stubborn on exploring more info on the amulet for the day. He informed you all he texted Cleo to meet up before hopping on his bike and disappearing from view.
You weren’t sure how the boys managed to get all the boards on the Twinkie, or honestly, you didn’t want to know, but the second the sand was in between your toes, you didn’t have a care in the world. Surfing was always one of your favorite pastimes. The sunshine, the water, and the feeling of landing a good wave were so rewarding.
John B had managed to find the group an open spot on the beach to set up chairs and the umbrella he almost took JJ’s eye out with. You took off in the sand and dove headfirst into the water, relishing in the refresh it gave you as the water crossed over. It had been so long since you had nothing to do besides lay in the salty water.
The peace didn’t last long, of course. Topper and his rowdy group pulled up in their newer vehicles, purposely parking close to your group as if it would make a point. You rolled your eyes at the sight of them, knowing this wouldn’t end well because it just never really did.
JJ met you in the water with both of your boards in hand, but your focus wasn’t on him. It was on the group piling out of the cars which happened to include Rafe Cameron.
“I won’t let anything happen,” JJ attempted to reassure you as he stopped to kiss your temple, sliding your board into your hands. You gave him a weak nod but didn’t move your gaze as you watched Topper move closer to your setup where he intercepted John B.
Your hands moved to give JJ the board back as you walked out of the water to approach the two boys. You didn’t need John B doing anything irrational, especially if Topper pushed his buttons the way he normally did.
“Nice of you to join the party,” Topper acknowledged as you came to stand next to your brother with crossed arms.
“Top.” You nodded in his direction, not backing down in your defensive approach.
Topper motioned toward John B, “I was just hashing things out, you know. Friendly banter to get things even.”
“Do you really think it’s even, Topper?” You asked him as the list began to run through your head. Every time you guys got the slight upper hand, the Kooks took you down two pegs.
Topper pursed his lips and looked away from you. “Uh, let’s go down the list. You guys sunk my boat.”
“Allegedly.”
“Then you cold-cocked me and put me in the ER, remember?” He looked at John B pointedly like it was the worst thing ever.
“You beat the shit out of Pope,” You reminded him. “Or, how about pushing John B off a two-story building, hmm?”
Topper rolled his eyes and pointed behind John B. “Look, I was with her first, bro. If your girl comes to me, if she can’t resist….”
“Real mature of you, Topper. Oh, by the way, thanks for burning our house down,” John B replied, his fingers twitching to throw the first punch, but he wouldn’t with you standing next to him.
You sneered at Topper’s attitude and stepped forward to block John B in case the emotions got the best of either boy. “Just here to surf, Top. Unless you had more to say?”
Topper’s eyes glanced behind you before he cleared his throat and refocused with no further argument. “No, no. Just here to surf.”
You hummed in agreement as he turned to walk away, mumbling something about having a good chat. Waiting until he was far enough on his side, you shifted back around to see JJ standing a few feet behind you, glare sharp enough to kill the Kook. No wonder Topper about shit his pants.
“C’mon.” John B grabbed your hand, tugging you away from the scene. You didn’t miss the way Rafe stared at you the entire time despite the new brunette he seemed to have attached to his hip. It took one glance to know she wasn’t a Kook, especially with the obvious discomfort she held around the group.
Pushing their presence to the back of your mind, you allowed John B and JJ to tug you out into the warm sea, Kiara and Sarah following behind the three of you as the waves started to kick up. It became a routine of swapping waves, dropping in amongst your friends’ cheers and applause. Even Sarah managed to grab a couple and remain on her feet for the course into shore, which had all of you celebrating.
Hours passed between the sun and waves before you flopped on a towel and treated yourself to a midday nap. Sarah had the right idea when she said she would maximize her tan, the warm rays lulling you to sleep before you knew it.
JJ pulled himself out of the water, brushing as much from his hair as possible so he didn’t look like a wet dog. He didn’t feel half bad dropping in on a wave that Topper supposedly thought he could claim. JJ laughed to himself; the damn Kook should know better than to try to out-surf a Pogue.
His eyes caught sight of you sound asleep and cuddled up on the oversized towel you insisted on grabbing for yourself at the thrift store. It was rare nowadays for you to sleep without someone by your side, especially at night. There were too many times when you’d crash on the hammock before the group came in and you woke someone up with a heavy scream.
In the years JJ had known you, he’d never considered you to be weak or broken. You’d always been an example of strength in his eyes, someone who could persevere even the toughest of challenges. He knew it took a little bit of support now and then, but you were healing, and he was so, so proud of you. You’d shared such vulnerable moments with him, and though he wished he could take the pain away, he knew it was a process. It took him longer than he’d like to admit to share about his dad with you, so he understood the hesitancy you had when it came to unpacking what occurred while John B was gone.
Usually, when you caught sight of Rafe, you shut down completely. JJ didn’t pry to ask what all happened when you were stuck with him, trusting that in time you would open up and share when you were comfortable. He was grateful that you felt comfortable enough with them around to sleep even though the person who’d taken so much from you was so close by.
“Guys, there’s a turtle hatch!”
Kiara’s excitement woke you up from the warmth of the sand, your eyes blinking in an attempt to adjust to the sunlight. You shifted to see where she was pointing, noticing the little movements of sand and the dark figures poking out. Pushing yourself to your feet, your friends scurried around to make a path in hopes of guiding the baby turtles safely toward the water.
You quickly tossed John B your towel to drag out the terrain evenly before taking a closer look at the small creatures, wishing you could pick one up but knowing better. “They’re so cute, what the fuck!”
“Make a turtle highway,” Sarah laughed beside you, the two of soaking up the once-in-a-lifetime event as Kie continued to build a path with the boys. Pulling out your phone, you snapped a few photos of the event, including one of Sarah pointing at the little turtles as they cruised by.
The sound of a revving engine pulled your attention away and toward where Topper’s supped-up Jeep was approaching. You frowned at the sight, not sure what his intentions were before you noticed Topper wasn’t even driving, Ruthie was.
“Hey!” Kiara stood up and waved her hands in the air, “Stop! There’s a hatch!”
“Topper, stop!” You yelled next, trying to point around the current path of the turtles who were moving as fast as their little bodies could take them. “Move!”
There was barely enough time for JJ and Kiara to throw themselves out of the way of the oncoming Jeep, thankfully missing the turtles and the near-death of the duo. You could hear Ruthie’s obnoxious laugh behind you as you faced the Kook group who apparently, found attempted murder funny.
“Hey!” You were shouting before you had a chance to think it through, feet stomping through the sand to carry you closer to where Kelce and his friends found it hysterical. “What the hell is wrong with you people?”
Kelce continued to laugh as Topper’s Jeep revved once more, coming to a stop next to you. “Maybe next time don’t drop in on our surf,” Kelce’s voice dropped deeper as he approached you, gaze darkening when he was eye to eye with you.
“Fuck you, Kelce. Whatever ego you all have that you think entitles you to run over baby turtles is sick,” You spat, pushing against his chest causing his friends to ‘ooh’ at your action. Not only did they almost ruin the hatch, but Kie and JJ were inches from getting run over because of their stupidity.
“Turtles?” A voice next to you stopped you from spitting another nasty curse at the group now that Topper and Ruthie had rejoined. You looked over to see the brunette girl looking back at you, her gaze familiar before you caught Rafe watching over her shoulder. “There were turtles?”
The heartbreak in her voice surprised you. You figured anyone following Rafe around would have the same cruel attitude he did, but the empathy you weren’t expecting.
“Go back to The Cut,” Ruthie interrupted whatever explanation you were considering giving.
You turned to glare at her, closing the distance between the two of you as you poked at her chest. “You have five seconds before JJ gets over here and loses his shit on all of you, so, I’d watch your words, Ruthie, before they bite you in the ass. You’re a pathetic excuse for a human, and I hope you’re fucking ashamed of your actions.”
The group clearly hadn’t expected you, of all people, to come mouth off about their actions. Silence filled the group, the girl in front of you at a loss of words that someone actually dared put her in her place.
“Look, we didn’t mean to-“
“Shut the fuck up, Topper!” You snapped at him, sick of his attempts to appear innocent despite all the damage he caused. “What happened to just here to surf, huh? Or is attempted murder always in the back of your mind?”
“Hey watch it-“
“Fucking leave, Pogue!”
“Get the hell out of here!”
“Hey, hey! Enough!” It was Rafe who put himself between you and Ruthie’s incoming hands. You didn’t know whether to be grateful or terrified and took a step back, feet stumbling as you did so. You stared at him, horrified as his gaze met yours and stole all the air from your lungs.
“Bitch can barely look him in the eye,” Ruthie laughed behind Rafe, but you made no move to correct her, terrified that even a breath in the wrong way would end your life. Rafe Cameron, of all people, to be the one to stop someone from harming you was a sick joke.
“Rafe?” The brunette girl next to him grabbed his arm, her eyes taking in your terrified expression. It was then that you recognized her. Sofia, the girl who you’d unfortunately come to know too well in the therapy sessions John B had forced you to attempt. The two of you had shared so much with each other but never once had you run into her since you stopped going months ago. She seemed to process who you were then too, a silent conversation running through her head as she mouthed your name.
At that moment, someone ran up behind you, hands landing on your hips before you were moved into another set of arms. You caught sight of JJ stepping closer to Rafe, likely starting an argument that you could only hope didn’t end with a fight.
“You’re okay, I’ve got ya.” John B turned you around to redirect your gaze, his arm wrapping around your shoulder as he started walking back toward the Twinkie. Everything turned to a haze, the adrenaline wearing off enough that you were heading into the inevitable anxiety attack.
“If you come near her, or any one of us, ever again, I’ll come back and kill every single one of you.” JJ’s threat wasn’t a light one, and you were certain it would come back to bite him in the ass considering the Kooks would take it and run with it.
Your heart was beating rapidly in your ears as John B pushed you into the passenger seat of the Twinkie, his hands grabbing both of your cheeks as you closed your eyes and tried to focus on your breath. Sarah’s grip on your hand was light as she climbed in the driver’s seat to sit on your other side.
“What the hell was that?” Kiara’s shout echoed through the van, ringing in your ears and causing you to squeeze your eyes closed even harder. “What did you say to them?”
“Kie, shut up!” Sarah was yelling back at her, their voices blending together as you tucked your knees to your chest and curled into a ball. The shakiness was setting in and all you could do was beg your body to calm down and catch up to your actions.
You forced your eyes to open, blinking as you managed to catch Sofia’s gaze across the sand. How you didn’t put the pieces together that’s who she was, you weren’t sure, but a pit grew in your stomach when you realized you’d spilled so much in those sessions that she was present for. Most, if not all of it, about Rafe.
Air choked in your lungs, and aggressive coughs followed before JJ’s hand was against your chest to keep you upright. His fingers were gently against your jawline as he kept your head up in an attempt to help you breathe correctly.
“You’re alright, baby. Just keep breathing, yeah?”
John B had left your vision, same with Sarah, leaving you face to face with your boyfriend. He climbed over you to sit in the seat Sarah had once occupied and pulled your legs out to rest over his. The desire to curl up and cramp your muscles happened more than often and he’d picked up on that after a few anxiety attacks, recognizing your patterns and habits.
JJ forced his hands in yours, keeping your fingers from stabbing your palms as you fought to take deep breaths, your body still on high alert even though your mind was coming back down.
“There you go, good girl,” His encouragement made you smile slightly, knowing he was messing with you on purpose. Moving forward, you puddled into his lap without a word, and he welcomed you with open arms. Physical contact helped more in the recent moments, something you never expected considering you used to be so fearful of someone’s touch.
JJ shuffled with you in his grasp, tugging the door closed to prevent unwelcome eyes from seeing you in such a vulnerable moment. John B was climbing in the driver seat shortly after, Sarah joining in the back before all doors were closed. Your breathing was slowing, muscles finding the forgiveness to loosen up on you but refused to move from JJ’s lap until your head was back in one piece.
“Kie?” You mumbled into his shoulder. The girl was clearly upset with you, but you didn’t have the capacity to question why.
“Walking,” John B replied simply as he started the old van. “Needs to clear her fuckin’ head.”
Sarah shushed him and you could hear her hand connect with his body gently, a grumbled protest coming from your brother in response. A comfortable silence filled the vehicle as John B drove away from the beach and started his course back home.
--
Exhaustion had set in on the drive, your body heavy in JJ’s hold as you listened to the occupants other than yourself share small chatter. Words weren’t enough to describe how grateful you were to your friends and brother for always supporting you no matter what. You knew it was a handful, hell, it wasn’t easy yourself, but the fact that they showed up time and time again said everything.
“Sorry about everything,” You apologized as John B parked the van in front of the house, ending your adventure for the day. “I’m trying to fix it and it just-”
“Hey,” Sarah interrupted your explanation as she popped her head over the seat. “No apologies. We’ve talked about that. Don’t apologize, ever.”
She left no room for argument and opened the back door to slide out. You looked at JJ and John B, both boys shrugged in agreement with her, making you roll your eyes.
“Maybe we could rethink therapy?” John B suggested as he watched you rub your face to rid yourself of tear marks. You shook your head, giving no verbal answer.
Therapy had been shit for you. When you first came back from El Dorado, the hospital had taken one look at you, post-gunshot stitches, and deemed you unsound. You went with it for a while, going to the group sessions and spilling stories without any names. Then you realized how cruel people were when they started comparing trauma and you never went back again.
JJ’s grip loosened so you could climb out of the van, arm slinging over your shoulder to keep you close as he followed you. Sarah joined your side, pulling your hand in hers to swing back and forth as the four of you started heading toward the house where Pope had come out the side door.
“Yo!” JJ called in greeting. “What’d you find?”
Silence followed the question, shifting your attention to Pope instead of the ground. The shock on his face was evident and your gaze immediately dropped to the dark red smears on his shirt and hands.
“Oh, shit.” Sarah was turning you into her instantly, both JJ and John B getting closer to Pope with an onslaught of questions. You kept your eyes on her, squeezing her hand tightly in attempt to keep your mind from getting involved.
“What happened?”
“Where’s Cleo?”
“She’s inside.” It was the only answer Pope had to give, and it sent JJ inside scrambling for the girl in question, fearing what he would find. John B grabbed ahold of Pope, steering him back to the house without any further questions before Sarah started to guide you along with the fresh blood out of view.
Sarah looked at you expectantly as you made your way through the door into whatever chaos you’d subjected yourself to. The girl next to you stopped short and shifted your path into the kitchen, rerouting you from whatever she’d caught sight of before you could. JJ was already in there, pushing a water into your hand and lifting you onto the kitchen counter without another word.
To your relief, Cleo moved in shortly after, her expression stoic and unreadable before Sarah left your side and you could barely hear Kiara’s voice joining whatever conversation was happening a room over.
JJ placed his hands on each side of your body before kissing you softly, pulling your mind to him and only him. You hummed quietly, fingers tangling in his hair for a moment before he shifted away.
“Can you tell me?” You asked quietly, not wanted to push too far if Cleo was clearly so upset.
He glanced at the girl behind you before answering, “Terrance’s body is in the other room.”
JJ watched you as you processed the information, a million questions running through your mind that you couldn’t bring yourself to ask. Apparently, there was no time to, as JJ’s eyes caught on to something out the window behind you. A quick glance over your shoulder revealed the all too familiar Kildare County Sheriff’s Office truck, and your heart sank to your ass.
“J-“
“Upstairs,” He replied with no room for disagreement. “Our room or balcony, kay? I’ll send Sarah.”
You nodded, doing what he said without another question and bolted up the stairs with your heart pounding in your chest. Sarah’s footsteps were behind you moments later, the two of you finding sanctuary on the balcony outside your shared room with JJ.
The sun was beginning to set and cast an orange lighting over the two of you as you piled into the hammock. Sarah leaned her head against yours just as another figure joined your group. Cleo fell on top of the two of you with a huff, both you and Sarah wrapping her up tightly into your cuddle puddle.
And suddenly, all you could hear, was silence.
How the fuck did the cards fall this way every single time?
--
navigation -- series masterlist
ask me anything
#goy series#ghost of you#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank#jj maybank x routledge!reader#outer banks x reader#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank series#jj x routledge!reader#jj outer banks#outer banks fanfic#jj maybank fanfic#jj mayback x reader#john b routledge#routledge!reader#obx x routledge!reader#rafe cameron#pope heyward#kiara carerra#sarah cameron#john b#outer banks#obx4
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the basilisk and me
Sirius Black x fem!reader who is hallucinating [979 words]
CW: hallucinations, reader is in hospital, post first wizarding war, suggested and implied PTSD, anxiety/panic attack, based off of this prompt/idea, high stakes hurt/comfort A/N: ok first attempt at this kind of vibe so hopefully it's not complete shit
Sirius tried to stamp down on the fury threatening to take over as he walked as fast as socially acceptable through the hospital corridors. He promised you he’d be here today; the same time as he was the day before, and all the days before that since you’d been rescued following the end of the war from the Death Eater’s hideout.
He kept that promise, but you wouldn’t know that thanks to the security personnel who spent the past twenty plus minutes arguing with Sirius about whether or not he was authorised to visit you.
There were only four people authorised to visit you, one of them was Sirius Black; Sirius Black who had been here yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, etcetera. At the same time, every day; Sirius was here. You needed him here.
And he needed to be here; twenty plus minutes ago.
Any relief he felt at the sight of your room vanished at the sound of your gut wrenching sobs, a shout, and the clattering of furniture.
Officially forgoing social acceptability, Sirius broke out into a sprint before all but barreling into your hospital room.
There were two mediwix closing in on you with three security personnel flanking them; all of their wands drawn as your wild eyes split your attention between the people circling you, anything in your room that you might be able to use to your advantage, and - apparently - the empty corner of the room.
“Get away from me!” You screeched before dodging behind a table tray meant for meals just as a purple spell left the tip of one of the mediwix’s wand.
“What is going on!?” Sirius barked, making to step further into the room as one of the security-wix stepped in front of him.
“You can’t be here.” They stated simply; gesturing towards the door as if that would simply be the end of it.
“Would you fucker’s stop trying to tell me that!?” He all but bellowed before shoving past him to grab - rather roughly, looking back at it now - the one mediwitch he was familiar with who turned towards him with a look akin to relief.
“What is going on?” He tried again.
“She’s hallucinating; woke up screeching that there was a basilisk in the room trying to kill her. When we tried to offer her a calming draught, she started accusing us all of trying to poison her."
"And you're...?" Sirius started bemusedly. "Firing hexes at her?"
"Mr. Black-"
“Don’t call me that.”
“She needs to be stupefied.”
“The last thing she needs is more violence.” He growled in response before shoving past her and pointing his back to the four wands still aimed at you.
“Hey, baby hey. Hey hey hey, whoa, whoa.” Sirius started as he crouched down in front of you, listening to the way your shrieks and wails quieted to pitiful hiccups and sobs. “Hey, doll; hey. Easy, love, come now.”
“St- Stop, no.” You shook your head, eyes glued to a point across the room. “Stay… stay away from me.”
“It’s me, doll. It’s me; it’s Sirius, yeah? Come on, babygirl, look at me.”
"No..."
"It's me, doll." He repeated.
“Sirius.” You keened as he took your face between his hands; tears pouring a steady stream over the apples of your cheeks as you kept your gaze locked on an invisible threat that only you could see.
You didn’t pull away from his grasp, though; trembling hands landing near gently around his wrists. Your knuckles were close to white as the joints threatened to push through the dry and cracked skin of your hands even though your grip never strengthened on him.
Sirius’ heart ached for you.
“Look at me, baby. Come on.”
“I’m scared.” You whispered; breath hitching as you managed to make the briefest eye contact with your boyfriend before your eyes darted back to the corner of your room.
“I know, love. I know.” Sirius agreed, moving to his knees and tucking his feet underneath him before pressing his forehead to yours; his thumbs sweeping methodically over the highs of your cheeks as he kept his gaze on you. “I know; it’s okay.”
“But the-”
“It’s okay; just look at me until it goes away, okay?”
Sirius’ heart didn’t return to its normal cadence until your blinks started to slow - time stretching between each heavy blink - as you tried your best to keep your gaze dutifully on Sirius.
“Why don’t we get you to bed, hm?” Sirius whispered after a period of time, feeling wretched at the way your body tensed and your eyes started darting around again.
“But, the-”
“Can you still see it, dolly?” He asked kindly, quietly; allowing you some space to crane your head and get a good lay of the room that saw only one mediwix and one security personnel present after the ordeal.
“Uhm,” you let out with a nervous woosh, breaths threatening to speed back up at having lost track of your threat, “no…no, but…”
“Let’s get you to bed, and I’ll keep watch, okay?” He offered, beginning to stand before you had a chance to think too hard on his offer as you obliged Sirius, allowing him to guide you to your hospital bed.
Sirius was just pulling the thin blanket over your form when you grabbed him by the wrist.
“Will you stay with me?” You blurted, turning bashful as you added a timid “Please?”
“Of course, my love.” He agreed quickly, shucking off his boots and sliding under the thin sheets beside you. “How else would I keep watch, hm?”
And if the mediwix took issue with Sirius being there, they didn’t dare mention it; quietly working around the two figures in the bed as they cleaned up the various pieces of furniture you’d used to defend yourself whilst Sirius kept watch for any threats - visible or invisible, real or imagined - that might deign to disturb your peace.
#marauders era#marauders au#marauders fanfiction#reader insert#self insert#sirius black#sirius black x reader#sirius black x you#sirius black x fem!reader#fem!reader#PTSD#sirius black hurt/comfort#hurt/comfort#whump writing#whumpee x caretaker#hallucinations#hospital#post first wizarding war#first wizarding war#ellecdc fics
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megumi x reader who loves doing her makeup ෆ
you were sitting on your vanity stool, trying a new makeup look you saw on pinterest. megumi was laying on your bed reading a book. you both really dont need to talk to enjoy each others presence, and as an introvert it was one of the things he loved about your relationship (tho he also enjoyed hearing you yap a lot)
after being satisfied with your look, you went to megumi "megu, what do you think of my makeup?" and batted your eyelashes prettily at him. megumi looked up from his book and stared at you for a full 10 seconds.. you were almost getting nervous but then he said "you look..nice," while blushing. "you look good without makeup too but this also suits you, a lot" and he meant it genuinely. you thanked him and kissed his nose and in response he said youd get your lipstick on his nose. so you attacked his cheeks instead and this time he just let you not bc he enjoyed it or anything (he did)
from then on, whenever you applied makeup he will sit right next to you and stare at you, wondering how you could be so pretty. when you open your lips while applying eyeliner he gets cuteness aggression. something about you loving yourself and being confident in yourself makes him feel so proud and happy for you. he also helps you sometimes like moving your hair out of your face when you do your makeup, passing you your mascara, tagging you on makeup inspo tiktoks. spoils you by buying you lippies and you test them by kissing him (loves this part the most lol)
takes cute pics of you after youre done with your makeup. sets them as his wallpaper and posts them on his IG story (his friends are shocked to see an IG story from him bc he rarely posts😭) and now he has highlights dedicated to you. also cutest captions like "my love" or "look at this cutie".
in short he cant get enough of you and your cute hobby of doing makeup. he really has the prettiest gf in the world!
#megumi x reader#megumi x you#megumi x y/n#megumi fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader#as someone who loves makeup this is very self indulgent
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okay so i actually think this belief goes against the Bible. God tells humans to take care of creation, He literally made us for that reason. the current western christian interpretation is not biblical. we’re supposed to be striving to make life on this earth as close to the ideal redeemed creation that’s promised to come about someday. God doesn’t hate the earth, when He made it He called it good. all bad things that have happened to it are the result of human actions. Christians should be the ones advocating for clean energy and less waste and the betterment of the environment.
i’m sorry so many fail to see this. just know there are christians who care and are trying but their voices are drowned out by the others.
(also i’m not trying to have a whole debate about religion. i just wanted to clarify that the popular christian stance is misguided at best and anti-biblical at worst)
christianity is just a smear campaign on nature no i will not elaborate
#this is not meant to be an attack or anything!!!!#i know things are bad right now and your anger is valid!!!#this response is meant to be… idk hopeful?#like maybe people will realize their mistakes one day?
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Being Goo Kim's Secret Friend: Gitae Kim
2.2k. G/N. Gitae Kim x reader. Reader is morally grey. Gets spicy (Prequel-ish: An Introduction) Other Masterlists
“So, let me get this straight."
"Mm." Goo hums, meaning go ahead.
"You're paying me to babysit?"
"Man-sit," he interjects.
"Whatever." You flap your hand, "but I am looking after this person, correct?"
"Yes my little sweetpea." Goo rests his head on your shoulder, so close you could count his eyelashes and see the way his pupils dilate. "It's my secret friend's first time back in Seoul after being away. It'll be good for you to show him around."
"...I'm charging my usual rate."
"Sure-"
"And you're covering our expenses."
He rolls his eyes, "Ugh, fine."
.
.
Gitae Kim, from what you have managed to find out, is patricidal and a powerful man with unsavoury dealings.
"Play nice," was Goo's parting advice when you came to him with your concerns.
"Play nice?!" You say, voice shrill. Goo grins.
"Fuck you, my rate just tripled."
The grin drops and is replaced by a scowl.
.
.
"I thought we could try this place. It serves the best yukhoe." You gaze over to Gitae sitting in the passenger seat as you navigate the roads, checking if there's any response.
Nothing.
"Raw beef tartare." You explain, "I've heard you can be bloodthirsty."
His eyes flicker to you and you give him your most charming smile.
.
.
Head resting in your palm and elbow on the table, you observe him.
You find his table manners leaves a lot to be desired and watching him has put you off your own meal.
He eats like a beast but if the ferocity that he attacks his food is anything to go by, you're right on the money with guessing his taste.
"Let's get you another drink," you murmur, signalling for the staff. "Goo will kill me if you choke to death and I'm not practised with the heimlich."
.
.
"That was good, right?" You ask, striding alongside and trying to match Gitae step for step as he ignores you.
"I think you enjoyed it. Or you look like you did. I'm not really a fan of raw anything to be honest but gotta be a good host." You direct a smile his way and he hasn't even glanced over at you. You shrug it off and continue to ramble. "I'm still pretty hungry. There's a really good bubble tea place round here and they have a limited edition drink I want to get-"
"No," Gitae cuts in rudely.
"It won't take five minutes."
"No." He repeats, indicating there's no room for argument.
"Aww, cmon," you pout and he once again continues to ignore you. You consider going anyway, with or without Gitae.
Goo, face scrunched up in anger and shrieking obscenities, pops into your mind's eye when you imagine telling him that you might have lost his secret friend because you wanted a bubble tea.
"Fine," you grumble and throw Gitae a dirty look.
.
.
Gapryong's eldest is a man of few words and it only adds to his intimidating and menacing aura.
You've seen his list of achievements and he is not someone you want as an enemy. But when someone is this difficult, your default is to try and see what response you can get out of them.
"You know they have vapes now," you signal at the pipe hanging from his belt as you continue to walk next to him.
"Do you smoke?" you ask, and expectedly, he doesn't respond,
"No? I guess it's cool you're committing to it for aesthetic reasons." Then dammit, you wonder what has gotten into you. Maybe it's hanging out with Goo too much because you can't help but add, "Even if it makes you a bit... y'know."
He slows, looking over at you at the same time that you pull a face. Indicating clearly you meant 'cringe' even if you didn't say it aloud.
"You do you though," you say, giving him a thumbs up.
He looks at you for a beat longer, head tilted and eyes narrowed, before continuing on his way with you scurrying to catch up.
.
.
By the end of the first week, Gitae has responded to exactly three things that you've said.
The second week, he's still mostly silent but he actually looks at you sometimes when you talk.
The third week, he calls you by your name when he demands your attention and you're surprised that he even knows who you are.
And the fourth - you manage to make him laugh.
Ok, maybe laugh is a bit generous, but he exhales harder than usual and you're sure he's at least amused.
.
.
GItae thinks you're strange.
You run your mouth like you don't know who you're talking to, though you anticipate his needs and preferences like you've been studying him for most of your life.
You're this side of irritating, but not irritating enough that he wants to kill you.
And, the few times he tunes in to your comments, he admits that he finds you quite entertaining.
No-one has spoken to him like you do in a long time. There's a refreshing honesty to your words, and he's also confident that you're not going to stab him in the back at any second to wrest control of his cartel territory, which is also a welcome change from his usual company
It means that he can relax around you, or relax as much as someone like him can..
All in all, progress. Gitae finds himself trusting you like you're his second-in-command.
.
.
"What do you do for fun?" You ask. Gitae doesn't respond.
Right, you think, back to ignoring me.
You roll your eyes and start to ramble about this and that. You tell him that you're chronically online, giving a wry smile, and say it's a general side effect of your job but at least it's interesting to know the ins and outs of a few things.
Really though, maybe you should consider taking up some exercise to get fit or even as a form of self defence with your line of work and the people you come into contact with (you give Gitae a side eye at this) but it's kinda hard to find the time and-
"I can teach you," comes Gitae's low voice.
"What?"
"I can teach you," he repeats and your mouth drops open in shock.
.
.
Ok, as far as bad ideas go, this is a terrible one.
First, Gitae is huge. There is no chance you could even win in a spar or anything against him. You doubt even bullets would be able to penetrate that muscle.
Second, there is a lot of close contact and even more touching.
You aim a punch with all your might at him, any part of him. He deflects without effort, capturing your fist in his palm and he pulls you to his body. Chest against your back, wrapping his arms around you and pinning your own to your side as you try to wriggle out of his grasp.
He leans down to murmur into your ear. "You're very weak." You can feel his voice rumbling through his chest. "But you're very fun."
Your eyes snap to his at his words.
He's grinning, for the first time you've been with him. Eyes crazed and pupils blown, breath hot on your skin.
"Thanks!" You dip your head just before throwing it back sharply, connecting to Gitae's nose with a loud crack.
.
.
Gitae's nose isn't broken though it is bruised.
You apologise profusely and he tells you you have nothing to apologise for.
"It's a great hit."
You halt in your apologies, peering up at him through your lashes with a smug smirk, "I know."
.
.
Your response plays on his mind.
The lift of your lips, the sharpness of your smile, the confidence in your eyes, that half-lidded gaze.
"I know."
.
.
Gitae sees you in a new light.
He has enough of an understanding of Goo Kim to know that he's selective with his secret friends, and you have talked enough that Gitae also understands you play the role of brain rather than brawn.
Though he did not expect such viciousness to hide under your veneer, or you to be capable of such an underhanded move.
He's impressed.
.
.
"Why do all these shows make Mexico so blue?" You ask, watching a scene unfold on your phone. "Is it actually?"
You hold out the device to Gitae, some drama show playing and Mexico is indeed blue tinged.
"No."
"Hmm. It'll be cool to see for myself." You murmur, pulling your phone back.
Gitae pauses. The idea of you in his territory is very appealing. He can demonstrate to you exactly the kind of man he is, the power he wields. He can relish the impressed (or horrified) look on your face.
"I can show you," he says and you beam at the offer.
"Deal!"
.
.
“How many people have you killed with this?” you flex your hands, signalling ‘gimme’ and Gitae passes over his axe.
“Too many to count.”
“Cool,” you say nonchalantly, testing your grip. Gitae gives you a strange look.
“I gather intel, remember. That’s my thing,” you say, swinging the axe experimentally a few times and appreciating the heft behind it.
The meaning is clear: I know all your secrets and Gitae, to his surprise, feels some respite at this fact.
.
.
"Fuck," you squirm to no avail, trapped underneath Gitae as he looks down at you lazily, inches from your face.
Your wrists are pinned above your head, held in place by his grip as his other hand rests, light but threatening, on your throat.
You have had a few other training sessions since the first one, and the way they had gone was all pure luck. You had managed to gain the upperhand by complete fluke.
This time you feel completely stuck. Movement completely restricted. Gitae straddles your hips and you’re left unable to escape. You have no way to get close and cause any damage.
"Looks like you lose," he says.
You buck your hips, trying to throw him off but the weight and strength difference is too vast. He barely moves even with all your effort and you’re left more dishevelled than before. Shirt riding up and hair in your eyes and mouth.
“Fuck,” you groan again, elongating the word and pouting.
You peer up at Gitae and find his eyes flicking between your jutted out bottom lip and your sliver of skin on show.
An idea pops into your head. It may be your worst one yet.
Throwing caution to the wind, you tilt your head up in one swift movement and kiss Gitae full on the mouth. You make contact harder than anticipated, almost clashing your teeth painfully together but adjusting the angle just in time.
His body stills when he realises what you’re doing.
“Why-” he asks, pulling away, and you take advantage of the distance to nip at his bottom lip and reel him back in.
Gitae’s thoughts are cut off.
You bite down roughly, feel your sharp canines punctuating skin.
Blood bursts onto your tongue and he lets out a guttural groan, eyes boring into yours and darkened with lust.
His other hand releases your wrist, caressing over your body, slipping down until it reaches your bare exposed skin. He slides his palm under your top, long, thick fingers splaying over your ribs.
With your hands now free, you continue kissing him, mingling spit and saliva and bursts of metallic tang.
You squirm and this time, Gitae gives in to what you want; rearranging his position without breaking contact. Tongue delving into your mouth. Tasting you as you wrap your legs around his hips.
Taking advantage of the situation, you hug your arms around his neck and use your body as leverage to flip him over. Straddling him as his hardness grinds into you and his hands circle your waist to press your body close.
You can feel exactly how turned on he is, how much he wants you. And god, you’re just as fucking horny. You want him just as badly, except now you’ve managed to climb on top, the whole point of this came rushing back. You absolutely hate yourself for stopping this but-
It’s the principle.
“You know,” you murmur into his mouth, then pushing up off his chest to sit up, “I think I’ve won. Again”
Gitae frowns at the sudden loss of contact, “What?”
“I’ve won. Pretend this is a knife,” you smirk, holding your hand against his throat, in an almost-mirror image of your previous position. “I would have killed you.”
Gitae’s eyes widened in surprise, “You did this… to win?”
“Yep!”
“I didn’t expect you to play so dirty.” He says, grinning maniacally as the pieces click into place and he finds himself completely captivated.
“I play as dirty as I need to,” you tell him, tongue swiping out to lick the remnants of his blood from your lips before dipping your head down to kiss him and continue where you left off.
#lookism#lookism x reader#gitae kim#kitae kim#kim gitae#gitae kim x reader#kim gitae x reader#a little bit of the classic ->#goo kim x reader#lookism fic#lookism webtoon#lookism manhwa#wannaeatramyeon
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I Cant Lose You | One Shot
Pairing: Bucky x reader
Word Count: 2.7k
Warning: Angst, happy ending
A/N: So i decided not to post the next part to invisible buuut i found this in my docs so ENJOY! Next part to invisible will be tomorroooooow 🫶🏻
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The mission had been tense from the start, the kind where every breath feels weighted, every sound sharper and more hostile. You were deep in the enemy’s territory, with Bucky and Steve moving in coordinated silence beside you. The plan was simple, clean: get in, retrieve the intel, and get out without raising an alarm. But simplicity has a way of unraveling in the field.
It happened as you were crossing a narrow bridge suspended over a steep drop in the facility. Bucky was a few steps ahead, his steps purposeful and focused, eyes scanning for movement in the dimly lit corridors. You were behind him, keeping an eye on your surroundings, and that’s when you saw it—the faint red dot creeping along Bucky’s shoulder, inching its way toward his head.
In a split-second, adrenaline took over. You didn’t have time to shout or warn him; instinct propelled you forward, reaching out to shove him out of the path of the sniper’s aim. Your hands collided with Bucky’s shoulder, and he stumbled to the side, his eyes widening as he caught sight of the laser at the last moment.
The bullet whizzed past, so close that you felt the heat of it graze the top of your head, ruffling your hair and leaving your skin tingling. Everything blurred into chaos after that.
“Sniper!” Steve’s voice rang out, his shield already up, glancing off another shot that was fired from a different direction. Bucky, having steadied himself, immediately spun back toward you, his face stricken with shock and anger.
“What the hell were you thinking?” he shouted, his voice raw with a mixture of fear, panic and fury. But there was no time for a response.
You, Steve, and Bucky sprang into action, Steve moving to cover you both as more gunfire erupted. Bucky’s eyes kept darting back to you, though, his brows knitted in frustration and worry, even as he returned fire at the enemy agents now pouring in.
After a series of quick movements—ducking, dodging, and retaliating against your attackers—you finally managed to escape the sniper’s line of sight, though the firefight was far from over. Bucky was on edge, barely speaking, his glances sharp and laced with anger, even as he fought to keep you both alive.
The three of you pressed forward, securing the intel and making your way back toward the extraction point with the enemies hot on your heels. When you finally boarded the jet and the door sealed shut behind you, the adrenaline drained, leaving silence and the weight of what had just happened between you and Bucky.
As soon as you sat down, Bucky whirled around to face you, his eyes dark with a storm of emotions he’d kept at bay during the fight.
“What the hell was that?” he snapped. “You could’ve been killed! Do you even understand that?”
His voice was loud, filled with a mix of anger and hurt, and all you could do was stare back, breathless, still reeling from everything that had happened. You wanted to tell him you’d do it again in a heartbeat, that protecting him was worth any risk to yourself. But your words fell silent, swallowed by the guilt and fear lingering between you.
You opened your mouth to reply, but he cut you off. “Do you know how reckless that was? Running headfirst into a line of fire? You could’ve gotten yourself killed!”
You flinched, both from his tone and from the truth in his words, but all you could think about was the image of him out there, narrowly avoiding enemy fire, and the fact that you would have done anything to make sure he was safe—even if it meant putting yourself in danger. The silence that followed throughout the jet, the rest of the way home was antagonizing. Bucky steered clear of you the entire time, keeping myself stationed at the front of the jet while you were at the back. Steve made is way over to you, handing you a water before double checking you werent injured and the top of tour head really was okay, he sighed "You got lucky" before he stepped away taking a seat by Bucky. 
Your mind was blank the rest of the flight till you landed and he got up, surely the 3 hour flight of pure silence was enough for him to have calmed down, right? “Bucky, I—”
“No!" He shot back instantly whipping around "You don’t get to justify it, We’re a team, and you don’t get to put yourself at risk like that. Not for me, not for anyone!” He screamed
“Enough,” Steve interjected, his tone sharp but even. He glanced between the two of you, then fixed his gaze on Bucky. “You need to cool off.”
Bucky exhaled sharply, fists clenching as he looked away, clearly fighting to hold back words he’d regret. Without another word, he stormed off the jet, the sound of his boots heavy against the metal floor.
You sat back, the sting of his words lingering. Steve watched Bucky disappear down the ramp, then sighed, glancing back at you. “Give him some time. He’s… he’s not wrong, though. What you did was reckless, it was stupid…Bucky could have taken that bullet, you couldn't have. Were going to have to talk about it in the morning”
The knot in your stomach tightened, a mixture of anger and guilt settling there. “Are you telling me this as a friend or as my captain?” you asked, looking at Steve with a heavy heart.
His shoulders fell slightly, and he let out a long sigh. “As both.”
You nodded, the weight of his words hitting you hard. Steve gave you a reassuring pat on the shoulder before he exited, leaving you alone in the silence of the jet.
The reality of what happened started to replay in your mind, each moment sharper than the last. The risks you took, the decisions you made—they all came rushing back with a clarity that made your heart pound faster.
You weren’t reckless, you told yourself. You’d do it all over again if it meant protecting Bucky. His life, his safety… it felt like they mattered more than your own. And yet, you couldn’t shake the memory of the anger in his eyes, the frustration in his voice.
The thoughts spiralled, it had to be you, it could never be him. You couldn't possibly live your life without him, he could hate you all he wanted but as long as he was still breathing you would do it again Oh god what if he hated you? What if he requested for you to no longer be on missions with you? What if….your chest tightened as the weight of everything sank in. Your breathing hitched as the fear you’d pushed aside for the mission came crashing down on you all at once. It was too much, too fast. You couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t escape the feeling that you’d done something irreparably wrong.
Your hands began to tremble, and the walls of the jet seemed to close in around you. Panic clawed its way up your throat, your heart hammering as you struggled to ground yourself, to calm down, but the storm in your mind only grew louder.
It was as if all the emotions you’d held back—fear, guilt, anger—were suffocating you. The jet felt smaller and smaller, and you pressed a hand to your chest, desperate to find some relief, some way to breathe again.
You didn’t know how long you stayed there, caught in the throes of panic, your mind racing in an endless loop of fear and self-doubt. But the thought that kept resurfacing, the one that hurt the most, was that maybe Bucky was right.
Maybe you had been reckless. And maybe, just maybe, you deserved the anger he’d shown.
Your pulse thundered in your ears, drowning out the quiet hum of the jet. The silence around you felt thick, pressing down, wrapping around you like a weight you couldn’t shake. You stood up, needing movement, air, something to break through the crushing feeling in your chest.
As soon as you were on your feet, your legs felt unsteady, but you started pacing, hoping the movement would help you breathe. Each step felt heavier than the last, your heart pounding faster with every loop around the narrow space. Your breaths came quicker, shorter, until you could barely catch them at all.
A cold sweat broke out across your skin as the room seemed to close in, the walls shifting, blurring at the edges. You tried to take a deep breath, but it was like swallowing glass. Your chest tightened, clenching inwards with each failed attempt to fill your lungs. Panic clawed up your throat, relentless and raw, choking you with every passing second.
Your hands began to shake, fingers tingling with numbness. You pressed them to your sides, hoping the pressure would help, but it only made the sensation sharper, like a warning that something inside was breaking.
You leaned against the wall, your forehead pressed to the cool metal as you fought to ground yourself. But every thought spun out of control, everything a mess in your mind. Bucky’s anger, Steve’s disappointment, the mission replaying in fragments—each one tearing through you, louder and more chaotic.
A small sound escaped your lips, half a gasp, half a whimper, and you slapped a hand over your mouth, trying to stifle it, but it only made you feel more trapped. You couldn’t stop the spiral, the way every breath was too shallow, too desperate, your vision tunnelling as the edges went dark.
Your legs gave out, and you slumped down to the floor, your back against the cold wall. You wrapped your arms around yourself, rocking slightly, trying to find something steady to hold on to. The air in your lungs felt thin, useless, and every inhale felt like it barely reached your throat.
You were unravelling, losing control, and you couldn’t stop it. The realisation made the panic surge all over again, until you could barely see, barely hear, barely feel anything but the racing of your own heart and the suffocating silence surrounding you.
Each passing second seemed to stretch out, leaving you alone with your spiralling thoughts and the overwhelming weight pressing down on your chest. You’d never felt so trapped in your own body, fighting for breath, for calm, for anything that felt real.
-------
Bucky paced furiously across his room, the soles of his boots nearly grinding into the floor as he replayed the mission in his mind. He was still in his tactical gear, smeared with dust and the faint marks of their close call. His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides as he thought of you—sweet, kind, beautiful you—throwing yourself in harm’s way to shield him, risking everything in an instant. He couldn’t wrap his head around it. Why would you do that? Why would you ever take that risk for him?
A knock at the door broke him from his spiraling thoughts. It was Steve, fresh out of the shower, no longer in his gear, looking calm and collected—everything Bucky wasn’t. Steve’s eyes flicked to Bucky’s uniform. “You’re still in your gear?”
Bucky shrugged, jaw tightening. He wasn’t ready to let it go, still too on edge, too frustrated. Steve watched him with a steady gaze. “You didn’t have to yell at her.”
Bucky turned, exasperation clear in his expression. “You were there, Steve. You saw what she did. She pushed me out of the goddamn way when that sniper had his sight on me!”
Steve sighed, leaning against the doorway. “You’re going to wear a hole in the floor pacing like that. And you know, you would’ve done the same for her.”
“Yes, so?” Bucky snapped, his voice sharp and defensive.
“Come on, pal,” Steve said, his voice softening as he looked at Bucky knowingly. “You would’ve done the same for her.” His eyes lingered on Bucky, an unspoken understanding passing between them, the implication of his words sinking in.
Bucky’s eyes glistened “Stevie it barely missed her head” Bucky took in a shaky breath “She was almost gone, I almost lost her, that bullet would have hit me in the shoulder i could have taken it, but one hair lower it would have….”
Steve uncrossed his arms, sighing he reached out squeezing Bucky’s shoulder “I know”
Bucky faltered, his chest tightening, his anger softening for a moment as both hope and doubt flickered across his mind. His voice was barely a whisper. “Where is she?”
Steve’s face softened further. “Probably in her room. She was the last one off the jet.” Steve turned his head up slightly to speak to the A.I. “Friday? Where’s Y/N?”
The AI’s calm voice filled the room. “Agent Y/N is still aboard the jet.”
Bucky and Steve exchanged a confused look. It had been over an hour since they’d returned. Without a word, they both headed toward the hangar, quickening their pace as unease filled the air.
“She didn’t get hurt, did she?” Bucky asked, worry clear in his voice.
“No,” Steve assured him, “I checked her over myself.” He paused, noticing Bucky’s skeptical look. “Thoroughly.”
They picked up the pace, concern edging into panic as they approached the jet. When they entered, they found you there, huddled in the corner of the seating area, arms wrapped around yourself, breathing fast and shallow, eyes unfocused and filled with panic. Bucky’s heart clenched at the sight.
“Doll?,” he called softly, rushing to your side, dropping down to his knees in front of you. His hands found their way to your face, cupping it gently, his thumb brushing across your cheek. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
Your eyes met his, wide and tearful, and a soft, choked gasp escaped your lips as you gripped onto his shirt, holding on like he was the only thing keeping you grounded.
Steve’s voice broke through the silence. “Friday, what’s going on?”
Friday’s response was calm, but the words made Bucky’s stomach drop. “It appears Agent Y/N is experiencing a panic attack.”
Bucky’s face softened with worry, his hands steady as he stroked your cheeks, trying to draw you back to him. “It’s okay. I’m here. Breathe with me, alright?” His voice was soft, a gentle anchor in the chaos of your mind.
He inhaled deeply, exaggerating each breath, trying to guide you with him. His fingers ran through your hair, his touch steady, comforting. “I’ve got you, sweetheart. You’re safe. You’re here with me. Just breathe.”
Your fingers curled tighter into his shirt as you tried to match his breaths, each one a struggle, but his presence steadied you, grounding you little by little. He held you close, whispering soft reassurances, repeating, “I got you…..you’re safe….I’m right here.”
Slowly, the panic began to ebb, your breaths evening out, the warmth of his voice and touch anchoring you in the present.
When you finally manage to catch your breath, it’s still jagged, still shaky, but enough to force words out.
“I can’t lose you,” you say, voice barely a whisper, each word choked and strained. “I couldn’t lose you. I can’t live without you.” Your hand clenches tighter in Bucky’s shirt as you stammer, “I’m sorry—I’m so sorry.”
Steve glances between you two, understanding dawning on his face. With a quiet nod, he steps back, offering you both a moment of privacy. “I’m gonna get you some water,” he murmurs, but you barely register his voice. All your focus is on Bucky, who’s still kneeling in front of you, his gaze locked on yours.
“You’ll never lose me,” he says softly, his hands holding your face with a gentleness that tugs at your heart. His voice is steady, but there’s an underlying tremor, his eyes dark with something that goes deeper than fear, deeper than anger.
“I almost did, I could have” you murmur, and his face shifts, guilt flashing across his features.
Bucky’s thumb sweeps over your cheek. “I can’t lose you either, i could have lost you, I -I, You… you can’t be doing that. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” His voice cracks, his own vulnerability laid bare. “I know that’s not saying a lot, but my life… it’s been hell. And you—you’re everything to me.”
Your heart pounds as his words sink in, the warmth of his hands on your face grounding you, drawing you closer. You reach for him, fingers curling into the fabric of his jacket, pulling him in until there’s barely any space between you.
And then, as if pulled by an unbreakable force, his lips find yours, a soft, tender kiss that feels like the culmination of everything unsaid between you. His hands slide from your cheeks to cradle you closer, his touch delicate, reverent, as if you’re something precious—something he’s finally allowed to hold.
When you part, his forehead rests against yours, and you can feel the steady rhythm of his breathing. He looks at you with a softness that makes you ache, his voice barely above a whisper as he says, “I love you.”
In that moment, nothing else exists. Just you and him, finally admitting the truth you’ve both known all along.
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